#not t first time australia likes our act

[spacelizzbian]

Friendship ended with the Netherlands and France, now Georgia, Australia and Greece are our new neighbours

[lightsoutletsgo]

tour diaries - insta au (ln.4)

pairing: lando norris x littlemix!reader synopsis: snapshots of your life as a world famous singer and lando norris' girlfriend so this is kinda niche but I decided to go with little mix like the request said because I love them and their music so I'm gonna use that as a base. that being said, I don't want to use any face or body claims because I want this to be as inclusive as possible!

heyitsy/n

Liked by landonorris, perrieedwards and 734,842 others heyitsy/n look who came to visit me in the studio <3 working on some exciting stuff for tour! can't wait to see you all again 🤍 view all 3,274 comments landonorris you sounded amazing danielricciardo did you actually help mate? ↳ landonorris I was extremely helpful actually 😌 ↳ heyitsy/n lies. 🧍‍♀️ he kept touching buttons so they asked him to leave about 5 minutes after I took this pic. ↳ danielricciardo that sounds about right... jadethirlwall huns you're simply not ready for the show we're about to bring ✨ ↳ userfan1 omg omg omg I cannot wait ↳ landoandy/ngoals crying that I'm actually going to this show

Liked by heyitsy/n, carlossainz55 and 146,724 others landonorris watch out @/heyitsy/n you're not the only musician in this relationship view all 247 comments heyitsy/n sick set bro 🫦 ↳ landonorris I don't appreciate your sarcasm ↳ charlesleclerc I do ❤️ ↳ heyitsy/n ❤️ userfan2 omg lando as opening act on y/n's tour? ↳ heyitsy/n oh my god please don't give him any ideas 🧍‍♀️ ↳ landonorris calling the rest of the girls to ask them now 🏃‍♂️ ↳ heyitsy/n goddamit 😭 ↳ userfan2 NOT THEM ARGUING IN MY REPLIES I- heyitsy/n

Liked by littlemix, landonorris and 843,162 others heyitsy/n opening night of tour! london you were a dream 🤍 view all 4,972 comments landonorris you were incredible baby ↳ heyitsy/n I love you 🤍 leighannepinnock always love sharing the stage with you 🖤 y/nnoticeme okay no because I realised after the first couple songs I was actually sitting by lando 😭 and I realised when I got home and rewatched my videos you can see and hear him crying during love me or leave me 😭 ↳ heyitsy/n please dm me this right now omg 👀 ↳ landonorris oh god 😭

landonorris

Liked by heyitsy/n, maxfewtrell and 227,653 others landonorris look at my baby go! forever proud of you love 🤍 view all 1872 comments maxfewtrell sick show! my ears are still ringing mate ↳ landonorris they're amazing right? danielricciardo are they coming to australia this time? I definitely want tickets! gotta support the squad ↳ heyitsy/n we're headed to australia for the end of the tour! would love to see you ↳ landonorris you can stand by me and cry with me during their ballads ↳ danielricciardo mate I can hold it together ↳ heyitsy/n not once our new single comes out 👀 y/nlandovibes they're actual goals omg I can't deal

heyitsy/n

Liked by landonorris, carlossainz55 and 254,317 others heyitsy/n my favourite boys came to visit me mid-tour ☀️ view all 3861 comments carlossainz55 so this is where he sprinted off to post-race? ↳ landonorris guilty 🏃‍♂️ userfan3 im crying they're so cute userfan4 I want what they have perrieedwards omgggg buzzy is such a big boy now 🥺 bring him backstage later? ↳ heyitsy/n he really is 🥺 and of course 🤍 landonorris

Liked by heyitsy/n, danielricciardo and 127,324 others landonorris summer break means back on tour with my love and discovering how great their catering team is view all 269 comments heyitsy/n thank you for coming with me 🤍 ↳ landonorris always and forever darling 🤍 danielricciardo please take good care of him, don't lose him ↳ heyitsy/n sir yes sir, I just leave him by the snack table ready to collect on my way back later 🤷‍♀️ heyitsy/n

Liked by landonorris, littlemix and 198,734 others heyitsy/n australia here we go! final show of the tour, let's make it a good one ✨ view all 4527 comments landonorris good luck baby, you'll crush it like you always do! 🤍 danielricciardo oh my god I am so fucking excited 😭 I already have my t-shirt on and my light up posters ready to go ↳ heyitsy/n I- 🧍‍♀️ danny I adore you 🫶 ↳ danielricciardo I take my job as your number one fan very seriously ↳ charlesleclerc we've been here for 10 minutes and he's already pushed past several CHILDREN to get closer ↳ pierregasly that's when we decided we'd just pretend we didn't know him carlossainz55 lando's already crying 😭 ↳ heyitsy/n my baby 🥺 we're a mess here backstage too ↳ danielricciardo 🧡 ↳ carlossainz55 ❤️ ↳ pierregasly 💙 ↳ charlesleclerc ❤️ ↳ mickschumacher 🤍 ↳ sebastianvettel 💚 ↳ heyitsy/n oh my god you're ALL here? I'm sobbing even harder tysm guys 💜 landonorris

Liked by heyitsy/n, littlemix and 231,475 others landonorris what a show! you guys nailed it 🫶 @/heyitsy/n you shone so brightly onstage and gave everything you had. I am forever and always so so proud of you. 🤍 view all 1572 comments heyitsy/n my love thank you for being my support through it all, could never have done it without you 🤍 danielricciardo @/heyitsy/n you were amazing mate, so proud of you and your entire team ✨ ↳ heyitsy/n danny! thank you for supporting us! ↳ landonorris can I just take this opportunity to say that he did NOT hold it together and he sobbed ↳ heyitsy/n what? 😭 ↳ sebastianvettel they all did. including me. ↳ heyitsy/n grandpa seb! omg no way ↳ danielricciardo it was 'between us' that got me 😭 ↳ charlesleclerc no comment ↳ mickschumacher I got confetti in my eye ↳ pierregasly you saw nothing sebastian... nothing at all ↳ y/nfanclub @/heyitsy/n I ended up sat behind them and I have videos... ↳ heyitsy/n send. them. now. please. 👀 userfan5 im sobbing at the caption userfan6 this is the sweetest thing I've seen all day BONUS: heyitsy/n

Liked by landonorris, littlemix and 312,563 others heyitsy/n and just like that the tour is over :( really went out there to burn the floor and leave everything on the stage for you guys each time! thank you all for your support and love. thank you for making this tour such a special one. we're incredibly lucky to have such amazing fans and we treasure each one of you. 🤍

going to be taking a little break now tour is done, as you can see from my spam I've already been enjoying some time off! but we have some very exciting things happening soon! 👀 swipe 👉 to get a hint of what's to come (and my boyfriend's dorky holiday pic) view all 5197 comments perrieedwards 👀 jadethirlwall 👀 leighannpinnock 👀 danielricciardo wait what?! I am not ready 🧍‍♀️ ↳ landonorris you're really not mate 👀 queeny/n omg she really just dropped a whole ass teaser after a wholesome photo spam 😭 iconic landoandy/npics the way that no one was expecting her to drop anything but she really said 'have this' (also that pic of lando is just perfection) userfan7 oh my god oh my god oh my god userfan8 I'm screaming rn you don't understand userfan9 holyshititshappeningeveryonestaycalm STAY CALM

[a-man-for-hire-and-his-archives]

Australian & New Zealand Author Showcase No 20 – Luke Arnold

February 9, 2024 by Charlie Cavendish

An idea squeezed into my head in 2023, after seeing so many of the book community gathering at conventions across the US and UK. And once my FOMO subsided, I got to thinking about who might be gathered together if we had similar conventions closer to home. Pending the master planning required to arrange a massive convention, I thought the next best thing might be to run an Australian & New Zealand author showcase. So, I sent out the call, with the only prerequisite for participating being the author had to have been born in either country or currently live there.

Its now 2024 and the Aussie / New Zealand Author Showcase is gathering steam again. Just when I thought it was over even more talent has emerged, at this rate its threatening to become year long event! I will continue to post their individual showcases at regular intervals. So hopefully you will enjoy these interactions with some very talented people. Please be sure to check out their work, sign up to their newsletters and follow them on their social media of choice. I make no apologies for any damage inflicted to your TBR’s!

Showcase No 20 finds me chatting with very talented Luke Arnold. Luke is the award-winning actor from projects such as Black Sails, Glitch and Never Tear Us Apart: The Untold Story of INXS as well as the author of The Fetch Phillips Archives; a series of fantastical detective stories which has third instalments to date.

Do you feel that being an Aussie / Kiwi (or residing there) influences your writing?

Absolutely. I didn’t leave Australia until I was in my twenties so, for better or worse, I was brought up with a distinctly Australian outlook. It’s something that can be easily mischaracterised and also requires some distance to properly understand. Being both a young and old country, we’re still finding ourselves, experiencing growing pains, and struggling with our identity.

At the same time, isolation and an abundance of natural resources means a lot of us are able to benefit from a high quality of life without working as hard as we’d need to in many other places in the world. I think a lot of Aussies know this in their bones, and it makes us nervous of “rocking the boat” for fear that we might lose the advantages we have.

This aversion to change has some embarrassing repercussions on relationships between European Australians and Australia’s First Nations People, as well as our treatment of immigrants and asylum seekers.

We have a different kind of national identity to other western countries like the USA or Britain. We’re still trying to play the underdog – the little colony down under that punches above its weight – but that persona no longer fits us the way it used to. These themes seep into all my work.

Fetch Phillips may have the outward appearance of a classic American hard-boiled hero, but he has an Australian heart. He’s someone who feels separate, a bit ignorant, reticent to become a leader, and happy to defer to those he sees as being older and more experienced. He values being humble and self-effacing, but there is safety in that identity.

It allows him to shirk responsibility and hide in the shadows, even when it should be his moment to step forward. He’s a man who didn’t grow up when he was supposed to and is struggling to come of age too late. I feel like Australia is going through the same thing.

What are some of the challenges being located so far away from the rest of the world, do have any tips for overcoming these?

When I was first trying to get published, I was lucky in that I was already working overseas and had some profile from my acting career. That’s a clear advantage I don’t take lightly. Though I’d always wanted to write, the thing that pushed me to finish my first manuscript was a desire to spend more time at home. My acting career was reaching a point where every job was in a different city, and I wanted to know that I could keep working creatively without needing to get on a plane. There are numerous advantages to being creative in Australia.

One thing that is easily overlooked is that we have more safety nets that some other countries. I really notice this when I’m in the US. It’s terrifying to have no money in America. Of course, cost of living is going up everywhere, but I still think there are more ways to find a balanced life in Australia where you can keep a roof over your head and be creative at the same time. Yes, it’s a smaller market and it can be hard to break out overseas, but if the goal is to live a creative life where you do the thing you love without panicking that someone’s going to kick you out on the street, this is one of the best places in the world to establish yourself.

Personally, I know I couldn’t have survived as a young actor long enough to build my career without the support systems that Australia offers.

3. How do you go about establishing connections in the book community? (any tips / suggestions)

I’m terrible at this. My first two novels came out in 2020 when we were all locked inside, and I’ve only met a handful of other authors in person. So of course, social media is a huge asset.

I mostly rely on creatives I’ve known for a long time. Every couple of weeks, I catch up with an author friend, Steven Lochran, I’ve known since high school, and we read each other’s stuff and discuss what we’re working on. I have a number of other people, some writers some not, who I use as beta readers when they have the time.

Finding your own colleagues that you trust and feel comfortable to share your work with is more important than trying to network your way onto tables with notable people in the industry. If you do good work, then that will happen naturally.

4. Do you have a favourite character to write? And conversely are there any of your characters that are the more of a struggle?

Fetch is fun because he still surprises me. There’s a lot of me in him, and he’s dumb enough that I can stuff my own fears and ideas into his head and have him try and make sense of things. It’s always harder when I have to write someone more intelligent – someone who might have the answers he seeks – because then I need to get ahead of my own pondering and come to some conclusions. Perhaps that’s why everyone is fallible in my world, and even those who seem to have the answers will likely fall to pieces before the end of the story.

5. So aliens finally reveal themselves to us and your work is presented to them as example of what humanity has to offer, what do you hope they will take away from this intergalactic exchange?

I hope they’d see that we’re flawed, confused, vulnerable little things, and yet we keep trying to be better. Individually and collectively. My books are noir in tone, but the point isn’t to say that we’re all broken and corrupt. It’s about celebrating the way we keep trying to be good, even in the face of terrible darkness. Even when we’ve made mistakes that should he unforgivable. Even when the pressure – both without and within – feels like it’s going to crush us. Hopefully, if they’re looking at the state of things right now, it might help them see that we’re not completely lost.

6. Tell us something about yourself that not many people know?

In this relentlessly online world, it’s hard to think of something that isn’t already out there. So I’m trying to think of something obscure. Maybe I’ll share that I play a bit of Beat Saber in VR and I’m determined get to the top of the leader board for Billie Eilish’s Happier Than Ever (normal difficulty). I’m broken the top 100 but I’m gunning for a top ten spot.

What would you say is the best thing about being an author and the worst?

The best thing is that your work is all yours. There are very few creative endeavours out there where you can give so much of your internal world to another person. While our editors and publishers are integral, it’s not the same collaboration as making a film or playing a song with a band. This is all you.

The worst thing is that your work is all yours. You can get feedback and guidance, but it’s only your name on the cover. You must write every word, alone, without anyone encouraging you or sharing the load. Every time I write a book, I’m struck by what a monumental act of faith it is. One word after the other, day after day, for months, hoping that by the end it will be at all interesting to anyone else. Some days I can’t write a text to someone without crumbling under self-doubt, but then I have to find the motivation to pump out a few thousand words of fiction.

And at the end of it all, when someone else enjoys the finished product, they will also be alone, somewhere far away, playing out the story in their own head, and you’ll be completely oblivious to how it’s making them feel. It requires a level of self-belief that is easier to summon some days more than others.

8. Any other Aussie / Kiwi creatives you’d like to give a shout out for? (let’s spread the love)

I’m embarrassed to say that my reading really dropped off over the last year, but if you want some more noir, this time with a sci-fi twist, the 36 Streets by T.R.Napper’s is a fantastic cyberpunk story set in future Vietnam.

And I finally jumped into Maria Lewis’s The Rose Daughter and am bloody loving it.

9. What’s your favourite quote or passage from one of your books?

Shit. The ones I love one day, I cringe at the next. The chapters about Fetch’s love interest, Amari, in The Last Smile in Sunder City still hold a special place for me though. They were the first pieces I felt confident sharing with other people.

There’s a part where Fetch just lists the days they spent together. As the series continues, I have to keep returning to it to make sure that if I allude to an encounter between Fetch and Amari, it’s related to one of the occasions included in that list. It’s simple, and Fetch doesn’t include much emotion or embellishment, but every time I go back to it, that tragic romantic melancholy gets back under my skin.

9. What’s your favourite quote or passage from one of your books?

Shit. The ones I love one day, I cringe at the next. The chapters about Fetch’s love interest, Amari, in The Last Smile in Sunder City still hold a special place for me though. They were the first pieces I felt confident sharing with other people.

There’s a part where Fetch just lists the days they spent together. As the series continues, I have to keep returning to it to make sure that if I allude to an encounter between Fetch and Amari, it’s related to one of the occasions included in that list. It’s simple, and Fetch doesn’t include much emotion or embellishment, but every time I go back to it, that tragic romantic melancholy gets back under my skin.

10. What can you say about your current project or what you are planning next?

The fourth instalment of The Fetch Phillips Archives is in the editing phase, and I’m really excited to get it in people’s hands. I’ve enjoyed the fact that Fetch has not yet lived up to being either a hard-boiled detective or a fantasy hero. His guilt, self-doubt, and insecurity have taken his investigations (and in some cases the plot of the books) off the rails. That was always intentional, and I found that journey interesting to write, but Book 4 is a different beast. Fetch is still a problematic guy, but he’s put himself together enough to tackle his next case with more determination. So, for the first time, we have a more focused narrative revolving around a single string of murders. There are a lot of rewarding moments in this one for readers who were hoping Fetch might eventually catch a break.

But it’s still noir, so don’t except all sunshine and roses. Just a mystery where the main character isn’t getting in his own way quite so much.

Bonus Question:  Lastly Vegemite* yes or no?

Absolutely. Thin layer with plenty of butter. It’s not something I crave when I’m away from home but get me back in the Aussie bush and I’ll be searching for a jar in no time.

* An iconic dark salty spread that (most) Australians slap on toast for breakfast (NB explanation for the rest of the world)

Author Bio:

Luke Arnold was born in Australia and has spent the last decade acting his way around the world, playing iconic roles such as Long John Silver in the Emmy-winning Black Sails, Martin Scarsden in the screen adaptation of Chris Hammer’s Scrublands, and his award-winning turn as Michael Hutchence in the INXS mini-series Never Tear Us Apart. When he isn’t performing, Luke is a screenwriter, director and novelist.

He has published three books in The Fetch Phillips Archives, with the fourth instalment on the way. He performs the audiobooks for all his works, and The Last Smile in Sunder City was nominated for Best Fantasy at the 2021 Audie Awards.

Book/ Series Links

Social Media Links

@longlukearnold on Insta, X, and TikTok

Source: FanFi Addict

[unluckyhoneybee]

He should stay (MI & DR)

After pining over him for a long time, Michael and you tell Daniel to join. Smut.

Note: I know nothing about these people's sexuality, if you don't like the idea just don't read it. It's just fiction. Also, mentions of Daniel having broken up with a girl recently. I'm not talking about Heidi, again, this is just fiction.

It's long and it's unholy, beware.😉

Warning: +18. Bi Threesome, dom!Mike, sub!Dan, sub!Reader. Penetrative sex (p in v), oral (for everyone), spanking, hair pulling, choking, spitting. This is really pure smut.

"You are staring, babe" I felt a strong hand around my waist. I bit my lip and turned my head to the side. Michael kissed my cheek and I smiled.

"Don't be jealous."

"I'm not. It's me who you are coming with t the end of the night."

I laughed and rolled my eyes.

Daniel had a different look today.

"He looks better"

Michael sat on the stool and I took a place on his lap, leaning slightly on his body.

"He is. It has been weeks already. He is doing good."

I smiled. Daniel had broken up with his girlfriend recently and had been in a very low place.

"I'm happy for him"

"Are you happy for him or are you happy because he is finally single?"

I gasped and looked at my boyfriend.

"Mike..."

He smirked and kissed my lips. I kissed him back, running my tongue across his bottom lip and caressing his cheek.

This had been going on for a while. For a long time actually. Daniel was handsome, charismatic, fun and insanely hot. And he was my boyfriend's best friend who I spent a lot of time with. Long nights on his farm, partying in LA, Monaco, travelling around the world. He was so nice to me, he accepted me from minute one. And well, it wasn't difficult to start feeling funny things every time he was near.

Michael and I pulled back for air and he looked to his side, in Dan's direction.

"He is looking"

"Don't act like you are not enjoying this" I muttered. Mike had caught me staring a lot of time, yes. But so had I. He wasn't hiding the fact that his best friend and boss turned him on. Daniel was probably too oblivious.

We had talked a lot about letting Daniel in. We were both so attracted to him and we were sure he was attracted to us too. There were always lingering eyes whenever Mike and I showed some PDA in front of him. He would lick his lips and bite them. He would take deep breaths and adjust himself on his trousers.

Michael smiled and kissed me again. The party was big. There were a lot of people, but Daniel was just staring at us. He didn't care about the blonde influencer hanging on his arm.

"Do you think he is ready?"

After his break-up, Michael and I finally had a freeway with him. But we didn't want to pressure him. We wanted to give him time to heal.

"I think so". Michael said with a smile.

I kissed his cheek and bit my lip, feeling my nerves forming on my stomach.

"Do you want to do it today?"

"Maybe we should talk to him first"

He nodded and kissed my forehead.

"We will talk to him tomorrow"

Being friends with a rich Formula 1 driver had his perks. Like having a bedroom in a big farmhouse in Australia, for example.

Michael wasn't in the bed anymore, he had probably woken up early to go and train with Daniel. I found them by the pool with bowls of fruit and juice, waiting for me to wake up.

"Hey sleeping beauty" Daniel said when I opened the door.

"Good morning, guys"

I kissed Mike's lips and then moved to Dan, kissing his cheek.

"Have you slept well?" Michael asked.

"Like a baby"

He bit his lip. He was teasing. Not me though, he was teasing Daniel. Michael had fucked me to oblivion last night, just to make sure Daniel heard everything. Today was the day. Today we will invite Daniel to our bed.

Daniel cleared his throat and took a sip of his orange juice.

I sat next to Mike and took a grape from his bowl. I saw Daniel's eyes following it to my lips and then watching how I ate it slowly. Mike had a tight grip on my thigh. He was watching too.

"Have you trained already?"

"Your boyfriend woke me up at 6 am."

I gasped and looked at Michael.

"He is on his break, Michael!"

"He needs to stay fit." He laughed.

Daniel rolled his eyes.

"Don't worry Dan. We can watch films and eat tons of ice cream later." I said smiling.

"You are way much nicer than him, YN"

I looked at Mike and laughed.

But Michael bit his lip and gave me the look. Now. He wanted to do it now.

"Daniel" Michael cleared his throat and grabbed my hand. "We want to talk to you about something"

Daniel looked up from his bowl. He had tensed a bit and his mind seemed to be running.

"Are you pregnant?" He asked. "Or are you going to marry?"

"No. Any of them, Daniel" I said smiling a bit.

Michael looked at me and took a deep breath.

"We want to propose something to you"

I could see how Daniel's breath hitched in his throat. He had been fast catching what Mike meant.

"YN and I..."

I looked at Michael. For once he didn't have the right words.

"Daniel, we are both super attracted to you. And maybe this makes things weird because Mike and you are best friends. But... We have seen things too. We have seen you and how you react to us and we thought that maybe you felt like that too"

Daniel was frozen. Only his eyes moved between Michael and me. The air was tense. I was sure Michael wasn't breathing. His hand was slightly shaking on my leg and his lips were pressed on a thin line.

"What do you exactly want?" Daniel said after a while.

Michael and I looked at each other. This time it was him who spoke.

"We want you, Daniel"

I felt a shiver. Hearing my boyfriend say those words... Daniel gasped and leaned back on his chair.

"Like... A threesome?"

I nodded and the driver bit his lip.

"Fuck" He said under his breath. "Now? Here?"

I tried to not laugh. He seemed so eager.

"Whenever and wherever you want. And only if you are sure of it." Michael said.

Daniel took a sip of his juice and looked away. I looked at Michael and he showed me a tight smile.

"And how would it be?" He looked at us with such an intensity that made me clench my thighs. "You said you both are attracted to me."

"We are. Me too" Mike said. I knew it was a big step for him to take. To confess this to his long time friend. So I grabbed his hand and kissed his knuckles. "But we can ignore that if you feel uncomfortable. We had done it other times"

With other guys, Michael had just focused on me. He knew about boundaries and he respected them.

"Other times? Like with other guys?"

"And girls too." I said.

"I knew you two were kinky as fuck"

I laughed a bit and Michael seemed to relax.

"What do you say, Dan? You can take your time"

"I'm in. For whatever you have for me"

I felt my heart quickening and Michael had to adjust himself on the chair. I looked at him. Daniel hadn't said if he wanted Michael.

"But what about Mike?" I asked.

Daniel looked at him and I swear I saw fire behind his eyes.

"I already say I'm in, mate" Michael relaxed and nodded slowly.

And now what?

Somehow, it was already middle afternoon and nothing had happened yet apart from touches here and there and flirty comments. I was on the edge. I needed them. I have been sitting on a wooden hammock for a while and now that they were both in the pool, simply talking and sharing a beer (yes, sharing a beer). It was getting worst. I had seen them passing that bottle a dozen times already. At some point, Daniel said something that was super fun for Michael and he leaned on his body laughing. I gasped. They were so close, they were looking at each other in the eyes and I was sure about what was going to happen.

A second later, Daniel had pressed his lips to Michael's. I sat straight on the chair. It was probably one of the best things I had seen.

Michael was dominant. He was a control freak in everything he did, so he was fast grabbing Daniel by the back of his neck. I could perfectly see their tongues moving together, Daniel's hands on Mike's waist. If I hadn't spent the whole day with them, I would think I was dreaming.

Michael ran his hand through Daniel's hair and pulled away, sucking his lower lip between his. Daniel was panting and looking at him with hooded eyes. He had probably already felt how things were with Mike. I was sure he had always seen glimpses of how he was during these past years.

"Are you enjoying the show, pretty girl?" I heard my boyfriend say without even looking at me. My bikini bottom was already wet and not because of swimming.

"I am"

"Look at her, Danny."

Daniel turned his face to me. His lips were red and swollen and he was blushing.

"Isn't she beautiful?"

"She is so fucking pretty, Michael"

"And you have her now. She wants you. Do you know how many times I had caught her looking at you?"

Daniel swallowed without taking his eyes off me. I was shivering. This was happening. I had my boyfriend and his best friend, both insanely good looking men, watching me from the pool and thinking about fucking me.

Michael pushed Daniel and trapped him against the pool edge, back to the chest. Then he attached his neck, leaving kisses and bites everywhere. On that neck. That delicious neck. After teasing Daniel the whole day he was teasing me now. He knew this would drive me crazy.

"Look at her."

"I'm looking at her" Daniel muttered with a hoarse voice. He seemed in a trance as Michael devoured his neck.

"She is desperate for you." Michael said. "But she is such a good girl. She won't step in until I tell her so"

Michael sucked his earlobe and Daniel whined. I bit my lip and whined too. I needed to be touched. To kiss and be kissed like that.

"He is so hard, baby." He said looking at me now. I could see his hand, but by Daniel's expression, I knew that it was on him.

I sat on the edge of the hammock. I wanted to jump to them.

"And you were so right. He is big"

Daniel opened his eyes and looked at me. I moaned.

"Michael please..." I pleaded.

"Please what, honey? What do you want?"

"You. I want both of you"

"Did you hear that? She wants us"

Daniel nodded and gasped. Mike was touching him and I was so fucking jealous.

"You are gonna be a good boy now, okay?"

Daniel nodded again.

"She just wants to pleasure you. Go to her. "

Daniel was fast leaving the pool, the water dripped from his body and I swear I could just cum from that picture.

I looked at Michael for a second. He was resting against the pool's edge now, both arms on it and his chin on his hands. I was looking at Daniel in the same way as I did.

"Babe, be good and show him how nice that mouth of yours is, okay?"

"Fuck" I head Daniel breath out.

I sat and looked at Daniel. Finally.

"Come here, Danny" I said with a sweet voice.

He smiled and came closer, standing in front of me. His swim truck made nothing to hide his hard-on. Little drops of water decorated his chest and abdomen. And fuck, Michael had done a good job training him.

Daniel reached his hand to my face and moved my hair away. He was just observing me, like trying to learn every single mark on my face.

"You are beautiful"

I smiled.

"Thank you, Danny"

With a fast glance at Mike, I saw him smiling at us.

Michael was dominant, but not in an aggressive way. He loved control, he loved to be obeyed. He had immense patience and never pressured me or anyone else. He knew that people had different times for everything. And now, after telling us what to do, he would just wait and see what happened.

I leaned and pulled Daniel's swim trucks. His cock sprung free in front of me. Mike was right. He was big. It made my mouth water.

"Be slow, YN. Make him want you. I want to hear him beg"

Daniel looked at Michael and then at me. I gave him a sympathetic look and he swallow hard. I showed him my tongue with a smile on my mouth and slowly ran around the tip of his member. He bit his lip and breathed through his nose. I obeyed Mike, starting with soft licks. Daniel was already leaking with precum. He was desperate for us. I was sure he wouldn't last long.

"Why don't you suck him a bit, don't be shy."

I circled his tip with my lips and sucked softly.

"You have a beautiful mouth, YN" Daniel said.

I smiled pressing my tongue on the underside and licking a long stripe.

"Mmm, fuck" He gasped.

I sucked the head again, moving my head up and down slowly and humming to add vibration.

Daniel had started playing with my hair and it felt so good to have him like this. I could feel how he wanted to push his hips further, how he wanted more. His chest was heaving with deep breaths. Little drops of water fell from his hair to my legs and face. He looked like a god and I was dying for making him feel good.

Using my tongue, I moved a bit faster. I heard Michael chuckling.

"Eager, are we?"

I took my mouth off Daniel and spat on his member.

"Fuck..." Daniel looked at Michael as I started jerking him. "Michael please"

"Please what"

"I need more"

I sucked the tip again feeling the salty taste on my tongue.

"Fuck. Please. She is so good"

Michael pushed himself out of the water and both Daniel and I gasped. He looked like a fucking Calvin Klein model.

"She is. Do you think he is being good, baby?" He said walking behind Daniel and sliding his hand around his waist.

"I think he is being so good, Michael" I said batting my eyelashes.

Michael reached his hand to me and run his finger over my bottom lip. I opened my mouth and he slid it in. I sucked it.

"Okay then. Give him more. Show him what you can do" With a soft pop, he pulled the finger out of my mouth and I smiled.

"Can... Can I kiss her?" Daniel asked turning his face to the side. I felt a shiver.

Mike laughed a bit.

"Ask her, not me"

"Can I kiss you?" He said looking down to me.

I nodded slowly, too mesmerized by his brown eyes to speak.

"Use your words, baby"

I heard Michael say.

"Yes, Danny. You can kiss me." The driver leaned and crashed our lips. I moaned at the contact. It was so different to Mike. I closed my eyes tight and ran my hand through his hair, pulling a bit. He groaned and deepened the kiss. His tongue slid into my mouth. I was kissing Daniel only a few minutes after Michael had done it.

Daniel's kiss was consuming. He was all tongue and lips. Those plump lips... I couldn't believe I was kissing him.

But it didn't last long. I felt a hand on my hair, gripping softly at the ends and pulling me away from Daniel's lips. Soon, they were replaced by my boyfriend's kissing me with passion. When he broke away from me, he turned to Daniel and kissed him too.

I bit my lip. It was a sight to be seen.

Then Mike turned once again to me and grabbed my chin. I knew what he wanted, so I opened my mouth and showed him my tongue. He smiled and kissed my forehead.

"Good girl." He then kissed me again before letting his saliva drip into my tongue. "Now suck him how you know"

I looked up at Daniel, who was looking at my mouth stunned. Michael laughed a bit and kissed his cheek.

I took Daniel's member in my hand again and slowly slid it into my mouth. Without much warning, I closed my lips around his tip and sucked before pushing him to the back of my throat. He let a loud moan out and I felt a wave of pleasure running over me.

"That's it, baby." Michael said pushing my hair from my face. I pulled Daniel about and jerked him a bit as I took air. Then I slid him in again and start moving my head. Daniel was big, not as thick as Michael, but big.

Daniel tried to grab my face, but Michael slapped his hands away.

"No, Danny."

"Fuck" Daniel breathed out. "Why?"

"Because I tell you so. Keep your hands to yourself and she will reward you. Right?"

I took Danny off my mouth and kissed the tip of his cock.

"If you are good you get to cum. If you are not, you don't" I said grinning. Only once Michael had left me hanging. Only once.

"Keep going" Michael said.

I loved him being like this.

I resumed my work on Danny's cock, making it even sloppier now. Spit was dripping from the edge of my mouth and I couldn't void to gag when I took him too deeply.

"It feels so good, YN. So so good." He cried in pleasure.

Michael was hugging Daniel's waist and peaking his head over his shoulder.

What I wasn't expecting was him to cup the back of my head and make me stay still, Danny's cock still resting on my tongue dripping with pre cum. He would cum soon.

"Now, if YN wants, you can fuck her mouth. What do you say, baby?"

"N-No, don't pressure her..." Daniel said.

It was strange but arousing to see Daniel in this state. He was completely submissive to Michael now.

"No pressure. A no is a no."

"Yes." I said looking at Daniel, who gasped and looked at Michael.

I jerked Daniel slowly meanwhile Michael turned his face to him.

"Don't you dare to hurt her, right? To taps in your leg and you stop. Any weird sound, you stop. Any sign of discomfort, you stop. And you better not make me stop you"

Michael was protective. Daniel was his friend, but he would doubt if he hurt me. He had pulled a guy from me before and he would do it again.

"I won't. I won't hurt her. I couldn't"

"I know, Danny. I trust you. But I must tell you"

Michael leaned and kissed me once more before letting me take Daniel in my mouth again. The driver cupped my cheeks and started moving his hips, slowly fucking my mouth and pulling whimpers out of my lips. I closed my eyes and concentrated on my breathing. Daniel was so gentle, his thumbs drawing circles on my cheeks.

"She feels so good. Such a pretty mouth"

"Yeah, right?"

"Oh... fuck" He pushed deeper and I felt him twitching on my tongue. I moaned.

"Do you want to cum, Danny?"

"I do"

I opened my eyes to look at them. Michael was talking right on his ear and his hand was now around Dan's strong neck. I clenched my thighs.

"Cum then"

Daniel was fast cumming in my mouth, keeping me in place and buckling his hips until my nose touches his pubic bone. I felt the ropes of cum in my mouth as he groaned and moaned my name.

"Shit, YN. Fuck"

When he let me pull away, I was panting for hair but extremely satisfied. I had just made Daniel Ricciardo cum.

I cleaned the corners of my mouth with my fingers and swallowed, showing them then my tongue and smiling.

"Fuck. You are so perfect" Daniel whispered touching my swollen lips.

I felt my heart beating faster when Michael added his fingers to my cheek, gently whipping away the tears.

"I told you she was so fucking great." Michael groaned on Danny's neck. I bit down a smile.

Daniel was still trying to recover. He was leaning against Michael's chest, who was supporting his weight and rubbing circles on his abdomen.

"Wow." He said smiling.

"Wow, yeah" Michael laughed.

"How are you feeling?" Daniel looked down at me and touched my chin.

Michael smiled widely. This had been the right decision.

"I'm good, Daniel. You treated me so well" I said smiling and caressing his thighs.

"She was good to you too. Don't you think she deserves something too?"

"Fuck yes."

I swallowed looking at both men in front of me.

"What are you thinking about, princess?"

"About how fucking beautiful the two of you are. It's insane."

Both of them wet, hair dripping water, Daniel naked, their lips red and swollen from kissing...

"So are you, princess." Michael kissed me, slowly pushing me back on the hammock till I was laying on it. I didn't know what he had in mind now, but I was more than eager. When he pulled back, he gestured for Daniel to sit on his place and cupped his chin.

"Now I want you to pleasure her. She deserves to cum after what she did to you"

"Fuck yes, she does."

I smiled feeling the blush creeping to my cheeks. Michael reached his hand to me and caressed my face, slowly dragging his fingers down my neck and chest, pushing the bikini top aside and freeing my breasts. He gave one of them a playful slap and I chuckled a bit.

Daniel was amazed looking at us. He was cute like this. He was this noisy hyperactive man who seemed to have lost every word in his vocabulary now.

Mike pinched one of my nipples softly and I moaned a bit.

"Damn, you are so cute." Danny said under his breath and Mike and I laughed a bit.

Michael kept moving his fingers down my abdomen and Daniel's eyes followed them. He gulped when Michael skipped the edge of the bikini bottom. Instead of slipping his fingers inside, he caressed me slowly over the clothing. I bit my lip and as a reflex took my hands to my breasts looking for more stimulation. Michael moved his fingers up and down, making more pressure on my clit and sending waves of pleasure over my whole body.

"Fuck..."

"You are so needy, aren't you?"

"Yes..."

He looked at Danny then.

"Do you want to know why?"

"Why?"

"She has been talking for months about you, about how hot you are and how horny you make her, about how much she wanted to see us together..."

Daniel's hand grasped my thigh hard and I whimpered. His semi-hard member was coming to life again.

"You had to see her after every training session, mate"

Daniel looked up at Michael.

"I can bet she thinks she is dreaming now"

I nodded slowly, taking one of my fingers to my mouth and bitting it. It was so hot to see Michael talking like this.

Daniel ran his hand up my side and gently cupped my breast.

"Should I pinch her? To make sure she is awake"

Michael smirked and nodded. I felt a rush of heat over me. Daniel pinched my nipple a bit harder than Mike and I moaned.

"Fuck"

"Go on, give her what she deserves"

Daniel nodded eagerly and grabbed my hips, pulling me closer to the edge of the hammock and helping me to get comfortable on the soft mattress.

"Don't you dare to make her cum before I come back. I'm going to get some condoms." And with that, my boyfriend left us alone. For the first time, Mike had let me alone with someone else.

Daniel looked at me and I reached for his face.

"Is he always like this?" He started untying my bikini bottoms.

I nodded and bit my lip.

"You are lucky, YN"

I gasped a bit. I wasn't expecting something like that.

"Dan..."

He sighed a bit and kissed my belly.

"Thank you for all of this"

I cupped his cheeks and kissed him. His hands were fast to get rid of my bottom and let it fall. His tongue was playing with mine and the kiss was turning more and more hungrier.

By surprise, one of his fingers came to my groin.

"Dan... Touch me please" I said looking at his brown eyes. They were darker than Michael's, which had a softer honey colour.

Daniel pushed me into the mattress and kissed the valley of my breast. With wet and sloppy kisses he made his way to my centre, attacking it like a starved man. Daniel was so fucking good at this. His tongue and lips were experts in the job. It was insane how good he made me feel with only a minute.

"Wow. Look at what you are doing to her" I was gasping for air when I felt Michael's presence. He sat next to me and put my head on his lap, caressing my face slowly. I grabbed his free hand with mine. "How good is he at this?"

"So fucking good, Mike." I gas a moaning mess. Danny had to keep my legs open because it was impossible for me. They wanted to close around his head.

Daniel hummed and the vibrations made me scream his name.

"Okay, stop eating her out. Pull back"

Daniel was fast obeying, but I groaned frustrated.

"Patience, baby girl" Mike kissed my forehead. "Now Danny, get those fingers of yours wet, come on. I'm sure she is wet enough to help you"

I looked down at Danny and he looked at me. He ran his fingers up and down my slit and I whimpered. I was so sensitive.

"Good boy. Put them in. But be very slow. Make her beg"

Oh Michael.

Daniel smirked and gave my knee a soft bit before pushing his fingers on my entrance. He was slow as Mike had told him. I was so wet that it wasn't difficult for him to bottom them. When they were knuckle deep, he pulled back a bit and pushed them in again.

"D-Danny..."

I was shaking.

"What?" He muttered softly.

"I need more"

"YN, you can do better than that" Michael said running his finger over my jaw.

"Please Daniel, give me more"

Daniel smiled and moved his fingers, not faster but from a different angle. He was pressing directly against my G-spot.

"Oh yes!" I moaned. Mike slid his finger inside my mouth and I sucked it. Soon he had pressed it against my clit and was moving him in tandem with Daniel.

"Fuck" I was desperately trying to grab into something as the two men kept stimulating me. My eyes were closed and my breath was ragged.

"That's it, baby. Be good and Daniel will make you cum. How do you want it"

"His mouth"

Daniel groaned.

"You heard her" Mike gave my clit a soft slap that almost made me faint because of the sudden contrast with Daniel's mouth only a second later.

My hips were moving on their own against Daniel's mouth and fingers.

"Danny! Fuck... So good. It feels so good"

I opened my eyes to see Michael's hand on Dan's hair, keeping him in place and letting me ride my orgasm. His nose nudged on my clit in the most delicious way as his tongue lapped me. His fingers were doing exactly what felt the best and his eyes were closed as he moaned in contentment.

"I'm cummin, Dan. I'm cumming. You are so good. Fuck, Mike!"

I came hard. So hard my vision went blank for a few seconds. I was glad to be on the farm in the middle of nowhere because my moans were loud.

"There you go, pretty girl"

Mike didn't let Dan go until I had calmed down a bit.

"Fuck." He was panting for air and blushing. "You are delicious, YN"

"Let me taste" I whispered. He smiled and reached his fingers for me to suck them clean. At the same time, Michael grabbed him by the back of his neck and kissed him. I witnessed their tongues playing together and Michael licking into his mouth in the most erotic way.

"I wanted a taste too" He whispered over Dan's lips.

Daniel was a mess. He was covered in sweat and his hair was unruled. His lips were swollen and his cheeks red. His member was standing against his abdomen red and leaking ready for another round.

"I-It was amazing." I muttered out of breath. Daniel's hand was on my chest and I was sure he could feel my heart beating faster and faster. He nodded slowly.

"Now is my turn, isn't it? I want to fuck my girl"

I whimpered. Mike was an expert at making me cum a thousand times in a row.

"Mind sitting right there, Daniel?" He said gesturing to a chair.

"Closer, please. I want him closer." I begged looking at Mike with my best puppy eyes.

"Whatever you want babe"

Daniel pulled a chair next to the hammock and sat in there, observing our movements.

Michael stand up and I propped myself on my elbows to watch him. Knowing exactly what he was doing to us, he took his swim trucks off very slowly. I heard Daniel gasp a bit and I looked up at him with a smile.

"He is perfect, right?"

He nodded slowly. When I looked back at Mike he was slightly blushing. He really liked Daniel.

Michael put the condom on and kneeled between my legs.

"Daniel got you so ready for me"

I nodded.

Michael pushed his member in and I moaned high because of the overstimulation.

"Shit, you are so perfect, YN." He said massaging my breast. "Can't wait for you to feel her, Daniel"

I moaned as he pushed hard. I felt Danny's hand on my hair and looked up. He was jerking himself as he played with my hair.

"Can't wait to feel her"

Michael crashed our lips and gave me the most passionate kiss ever. He was a strong man, he trained hard and had stamina, so the pace he used to set during sex was insane. He always made a mess out of me, I couldn't even speak. I tried desperately to grab into his strong body as he leaned to kiss my neck and shoulders.

"Fuck guys. You look so good." I heard Daniel moaning but I couldn't pay attention to him. My boyfriend fucking me as if he hadn't done it in months had clouded my senses.

The sounds that left Mike's voice were delicious and they told me he was getting closer, but so was I.

"I'm close, Mike. I'm so close."

"You want to come again? You don't have enough with Daniel?"

"I want you both... I want you to make me cum too" I looked at Daniel and he touched my face gently. I grabbed his hand and kissed his knuckles.

"Then cum, baby. Cum for me too and I will let you cum for Daniel again"

The driver and I moaned at his words. Michael's trusts were becoming more erratic but as intense as they were are the beginning.

"Fuck. I'm going to cum too. Seeing both of you made me so hard..."

I whimpered. I was close, so close.

Only a few more trust were necessary for us to come undone. Michael kissed me as he always did before pulling back a bit. I hugged him closer, needing his warm body at this moment. The comfort he gave me during the climax was like no one.

"Fuck..." Daniel whispered. I opened my eyes to look at him and he smiled, pushing a few strands of hair out of my face.

When Michael calmed down a bit he pulled out of me and kneeled back between my legs.

"You are always so perfect, baby" He said and kissed my knee. I smiled.

"You both are..." Daniel grunted.

I looked at him. He was jerking himself hard and it was a glorious picture.

"Daniel... Fuck me."

"Do it mate. You deserve it."

"Can I, really?"

Michael and I nodded. I sat on the hammock and Michael kissed me for a second, a soft and reassuring kiss on the lips accompanied by a warm smile.

Daniel took a deep breath and got up. Surprisingly, Mike kissed him just as he had kissed me. It felt so domestic. So real.

"How do you want it, Daniel?" Michael asked passing him a condom. Daniel put it on and looked at me.

"On your fours, please. I want to see that ass."

Michael chuckled and looked at me.

"Told you I caught him staring"

I laughed and rolled my eyes.

"Don't embarrass him, idiot"

Daniel laughed too.

I smiled at that and turned around. Michael sat in front of me in the hammock. I giggled my eyes and both of them looked at it. I smiled proudly because both of them were at my mercy.

"You know? She likes to be spanked once in a while" Michael pulled the strings of my bikini top and threw it away.

I bit my lip and laughed a bit. The hammock croaked when Daniel settled next to me. I felt his hand on my ass cheek and embraced myself for what would come. A second later, his fingers hit the flesh and I moaned.

"Fuck, Danny"

"Are you ready?"

"I am"

After two orgasms I was more than ready. When he entered me, my eyes rolled to the back of my head. The overstimulation, the angle and Daniel's member were perfect. I was sure I wouldn't last long.

"She already likes it, mate"

Daniel laughed a bit before starting to thrust slowly into me.

"That's it, let her get used to you"

Michael's voice sounded tired. I looked at him and smiled softly. He leaned and kissed my forehead.

Daniel was moving slowly and caressing my back at the same time. It was as if he wanted to learn how it felt to touch my skin.

"You feel so good, YN. You were so right Michael, she is perfect."

I whined. Michael had started playing with my nipples.

"Go harder. She likes it"

Daniel was obedient, setting a deep and hard pace that made me moan and lose my breath for a second. I couldn't think properly, I was consumed by the pleasure and both men touching me in their own way. At some point, Daniel pulled me to his chest, hugging me closer and rubbing my clit hard. Michael was peacefully observing with a smile. Daniel's moans on my ear were delicious and only fuelled me.

"Danny..."

"I'm almost there, YN. Wait a bit"

It didn't take us long to cum.

"Fuck, fuck. YN."

I wasn't able to say a word. My third orgasm hit like a tsunami and I couldn't even keep myself up.

Michael opened his arms and Daniel let me fall on them before laying on my other side. Trapped between the two men's bodies, I recovered slowly. I had time to realize what we have done, how good it felt and how difficult would it be to just go back home with Mike alone.

I was so lost in my thoughts that I almost missed Danny and Mike tangling their fingers together on my side.

"How are you feeling?" Mike softly asked.

"I think I died and went to heaven"

"Give me a kiss"

They had kissed countless times. I looked at them. There was just love and care in this kiss, no further intentions and it made me wonder if things could go back to normal now. Even if I wanted it to do. I kissed Mike's cheek and they looked at me.

"You are so precious" I said also kissing Daniel's cheek.

We gave ourselves a few minutes of tranquillity before Michael got up.

"I'm going to get some food ready."

"He is also like that after sex?" Daniel asked looking at me.

I laughed and looked at Michael, who had put his swimsuit on and was smiling from the door.

"Shut up or he will come with supplements."

Daniel laughed hard.

Once again, Mike left us alone.

"Do you feel good, YN? With all of this?"

I looked at him.

"I've never felt better, Danny" I touched his nose gently and he nodded.

"You both are amazing, really. He is right, you are perfect. Not only in a sexual way. I wish I could have something like that"

Something inside of me moved, but I didn't know what to answer.

He sighed and kissed my forehead.

I was sure then. I had to talk to Michael.

"Do you mind if I shower?"

"Don't worry, I will go and see if I can get some Nutella" I winked at him.

"I beg you. I need a whole tub after this"

I rolled my eyes and got up. Daniel walked to the outdoor's shower in his full glory and I gave myself a second to admire his figure. Putting only the bottoms on, I walked into the kitchen.

"Hey..." I hugged Michael's side and kissed his shoulder. "How are you feeling?" I knew this could be draining for him, I couldn't imagine how it had been with someone as close as Daniel.

"Well. Amazing, really. It was something else." I leant asking for a kiss and I gave it to him.

"It was"

I took a deep breath and looked at Daniel. He was showering. The sunset light was bathing him. He looked so perfect.

"Mike" I swallowed the lump in my throat. "He should stay"

I looked up at him.

"We are at his house"

I rolled my eyes.

"I don't mean it like that. I say that he should stay with us. The three of us"

He stared at me for long seconds.

"You think he wants?"

I nodded slowly.

"He told me I was lucky to have you and then that I'm perfect. Not just sex. He wants something like what we have"

Michael engulfed me in his strong arms and let a shaky breath out.

"I want him to stay"

I cupped his cheeks and kissed him.

"Let's tell him, then"

Inviting Daniel to our bed (or his pool hammock) had been the best decision Michael and I had made in our relationship.

When we walked outside, hand in hand and called him, he hesitated a bit. He needed me to reach my hand for him to take to walk closer.

"Is everything okay?"

Michael hugged my waist at the same time he pulled him for a kiss. I took the opportunity to leave a loving kiss on Daniel's shoulder and run my hand up and down his back.

"What is going on?" He whispered.

"Would you like to give it a try, Daniel?" I asked.

"To what?" He asked with a shaky voice.

"Us. The three of us"

He needed long seconds of his eyes moving between us and the gears working on his head.

"Fuck yes"

And he kissed me then.

I hadn't been so happy in a really long time.

Here you have this. I hope you enjoyed it.

Next and last part: He stays.

[multiphandommess]

Trouble In Paradise

Requested by @wosoobsessed

Request: Thank you so much! Could I possibly have one where Natasha and the reader go on holiday together maybe somewhere like Australia. And they’ve both been working a lot so they haven’t been spending a lot of time together ,but in the time they have spent together they’ve been arguing about little things cus they’re both tired. But when they get there Natasha starts doing work on her laptop and is just acting rlly disconnected and it’s results in them having an argument. But really Natasha is planning on proposing so that’s why she’s been so busy. And then the next day they make up and then in the evening Natasha proposes to the reader and it’s all cute. Sorry if this is too long. But thank you anyway!!

Mia POV

“Nat? Come on, we’re gonna miss our Uber if you don’t hurry your happy ass up,” I yelled to my girlfriend. I was standing in front of our door, my bags packed for our trip. Natasha is taking me on a trip to Australia, our first trip together in over 2 years where neither of us plans to work. I started to make my way to our shared bedroom when my beautiful (and slow) girlfriend met me halfway. Despite only wearing casual clothes, just a pair of black jeans, my hoodie, a flannel over the sweatshirt, and a pair of boots, she looked ethereal. She is only slightly smaller than me but the hoodie she was wearing is a bit oversized on me so she looked tiny in the article of clothing. 

“Alright, alright. Don’t get your panties in a bunch, I’m ready,” She joked, putting her bags next to mine, “Well come on! What was that about us being late?” she said with a smirk. About 10 minutes later, we were finally in the Uber and on the way to the airport. She had her headphones on and was scrolling on her phone but she was still listening as I told her about a new directing job one of my friends got. I met Natasha nearly 10 years ago when I was still in film school and was interning with one of the directors on Orange Is The New Black. I wanted to work on horror films but a crime show with some violence was the closest I could get at the time, though I don’t regret it at all. After striking up a conversation during a short break between takes, we became friends. I ended up working on the show until they ended it, creating a family-like bond between me and the cast and crew. In early 2019, after our last shoot day wrapped, Natasha showed up at my door (more than) slightly drunk and stated her feelings towards me in an adorably intoxicated way. She stayed over that night and we went on our first date the next day. It’s been 4 years since that date and I couldn’t be happier. I broke out of my thoughts as I got caught staring. “I see that my face is very interesting, but what’s got you all smiley?” She asked.

My face turned red, “Just thinking of you, baby,” I replied. 

“Ok, slow down there with the flattery.”

“Yeah, yeah,” I said, rolling my eyes playfully. Our driver pulled up to the airport, and we got out. We checked our bags and went through security. I turned to look at Nat with a slight pout, “I’m hungry.”

She wrapped her arm around my shoulder, “Well, let’s go fix that, hun,” she checked her watch, “We got time.” She began steering me towards the various restaurants and places to get food, allowing me to make the final choice. 

-Time Skip-

We had a layover in Texas and decided to get food and drinks from the bar as it was a few hours later. I got a burger, Natasha got nachos, and we got a beer. Conversations flowed smoothly as we talked about anything from job offers to new movies releasing soon, even to our plans for the holidays. I had begun to infodump about a new horror movie I had seen when I looked over to see Nat staring at me as she was drinking, both intrigued by what I was talking about and shamelessly checking me out. I blushed but continued talking. Horror wasn’t Natasha’s favorite genre, but she still enjoyed it and enjoyed hearing my excitement talking about it. We sat there for a few hours until our next flight. The only downside of traveling to Sydney was the amount of time spent traveling. I was fully planning on passing out both on the plane and at our hotel when we got there. She hadn’t told me where in Sydney we were staying. I was a bit tipsy after a few drinks and was very tired after our day of traveling, so as we waited at the terminal, I laid my head on Nat’s shoulder and drifted off. About 20 minutes later, she gently shook me awake. “M? It’s time to get up, darling. They’re boarding. You can sleep on the plane, this next flight is over 12 hours,” She told me as I sat up and stretched. On the plane, I rested against Natasha again, and after we took off, she pulled me more into her. This was a little shocking as she wasn’t nearly as touchy as I was but I still accepted the affection.

 Many hours, movies, and snacks later, we arrived in Sydney. We left Texas at 10 p.m. and got to Sydney at about noon. Natasha had rented a car for the trip and after putting our bags in the back, she started towards our hotel. When we got there, I was shocked. The building was giant and beautiful (this is where they’re staying). I immediately took off my shoes and flopped onto the bed. Nat laughed lightly at my antics and put our stuff away before joining me on the bed. She pulled me into her and we sat in a comfortable silence as we both fell asleep. When woke up, it was dark out. I woke up first, got up, used the restroom, and changed into something new and not worn for over 20 hours straight. I turned back around to see my girlfriend staring at me. “What do you think you're looking at?” I asked with a smirk. 

She mirrored my expression and replied, “Admiring my love.”

“You trying to get into my pants, Lyonne?” I joked.

“Always, beautiful,” She replied, as she stood up and walked over to me. She wrapped her arms around my waist from behind and kissed my neck. I turned around in her hold and leaned my head against her shoulder. I breathed in her scent, a woodsy, musky scent mixed with the slight lingering scent of cigarettes. She had quit earlier this year but the smell still stuck to some of her shirts. She walked away from me to change as well and one of my siblings texted me. As I replied to my sister, Nat walked up next to me. “You wanna go get dinner?” She asked. 

“Sure. Just let me finish texting Luna back and I’ll be ready,” I responded. She nodded in acknowledgment and walked to put her shoes on. I sent the text, slipped on my shoes, and went to grab my wallet when Nat pulled me back.

“I’m paying so you don’t need your wallet, love,” She told me.

“How thoughtful,” I replied and kissed her cheek, “Thank you, Bubba.” She grabbed my jaw and planted a kiss on my lips before leading me out the door. She took me to a steakhouse and an ice cream shop for dessert. I paid my gratitude through kisses and the atmosphere was peaceful and loving.

-Time Skip-

So, we have been in Sydney for a couple of days, and for the past couple of days, Natasha hasn’t been herself. She is extra affectionate and then just blows me off for a little bit. She also isn’t nearly as talkative nor has she seemed like her normal funny self. She’s been closed off and it’s honestly, kind of bumming me out. But I had been determined to make this trip better and remained optimistic. Well, that is until the 4th day. I woke up to an empty bed, something that had become more and more normal on this trip, and I got up to go find my partner. I found her working on her laptop, and this set me over the edge. “Really, Natasha?” I asked annoyed, as I rolled my eyes. She looked up at me, shocked. I rarely ever used her full name when talking to her and when I did, it was never in an annoyed tone. “You promised me that you wouldn’t work on this trip at all! And maybe I would have less of a problem with it if you weren’t actively pushing me away! You barely even look my way anymore! Did I do something? You seemed fine before we left,” I ranted, more than a little bit angry. Nat looked a bit stunned at my sudden outburst. 

“N-no. You didn’t do anything. I just need to finish this thing and then we can go do something,” She said, trying to comfort me. 

“It’s fine, Natasha. Don’t let me stop your work. I’m going out, so I’ll be back later,” I said, not wanting to hear a half-assed explanation. I quickly changed and walked towards to door. Natasha was waiting by the door looking like a kicked puppy. “Nat, move. I just need to leave for a little bit to clear my head so I don’t say something I don’t mean,” I told her, still outwardly mad. She frowned but still wouldn’t meet my eyes as I walked out of the door. I went to a local coffee shop and stayed there for a few hours. Natasha tried to call me a few times but I ignored them all and turned off my phone. As I turned my phone back on, I saw one text from her. It said ‘Let me make it up to you by letting me take you out to dinner tonight, ok? We’ll go to a nice restaurant. I’m getting ready now so that you don’t have to see me before dinner. We can meet at the restaurant and I’ll leave you the car so you can drive. I love you, angel. I’m sorry. I hope you meet me.’ I couldn’t say no to dinner, I wanted an explanation. So I got up, threw my cup away, and walked back to our hotel room. I walked into the empty room and started to get ready. I put on my outfit (either a black suit or a black dress, whichever you want) and finished fixing my appearance. I got the car keys and walked out to the car. Inside the car, on the dash, there was a letter. My name was scrawled on the front in Natasha’s slightly messy writing. It had the address of the restaurant as well as another apology. The restaurant was about 20 minutes from the hotel and looked beautiful and high-end. I parked and got out and saw my girlfriend wearing a beautiful black dress. She didn’t wear them very often but she always looked stunning in them; even more so now as the sun was setting behind us, covering her in golden hour lighting. She smiled as I walked up to her and linked her arm with mine. We walked in and were seated quickly. They took our orders and we were sitting in a tense silence.

Natasha spoke first, “Alright before you spend this whole night glaring at me, let me explain. The reason that I was on my computer was because I was working out the pickup time details for this…” She trails off, reaching into her bag and pulling out a ring box. She opened it to reveal a beautiful engagement ring. “I had been looking for the perfect ring for a while and when I found this one, I fell in love. I was already planning on taking you somewhere and when I found out that it was made in Australia, I knew it was a match made in heaven. But, I’m still sorry. I promised absolutely no work and I still had my focus on my screens instead of you, so I don’t want you to feel bad, you didn’t ruin anything and I’m not upset,” She finished, and my face was bright red and my mouth opened. Despite her saying it wasn’t a big deal, I still felt terrible.

“I’m so so sorry-”

“No. No apologizing, you did nothing wrong. Now, time for the age-old question,” She joked, trying to make me feel better, “I would get on one knee, but I don’t think that your anxiety wants that in public, so imagine it. Mia Davis, the love of my life, the person I met while filming a criminal lesbian porno, the person who has always been there for me, will you please marry me?”

“Of course, crazy! Did you really think there would be another answer?! I love you!” I exclaimed. She hugged me, slipped the ring on my finger, and kissed me. 

As we sat back down, she answered me, “To be honest, I wasn’t quite sure that you would say yes after this morning,” she told me, looking sheepish.

“Baby, couples fight, you know this. I know we don’t very often, but that doesn’t mean I’ll stop loving you,” I said, smiling at her. The rest of the night went amazing and I was lucky enough to go back to our hotel, with my fiance.

[saltyinternetflower]

After almost a year of obsessing over them, I finally wrote something for Maxiel. This is me first time writing a fanfic on Tumblr, and it's set in 2024. I'm honestly super nervous about it. Hope you like it ☺

Unlapped / Maxiel

5 pm, Jan 10, 2024, Milton Keynes, England

Max stared at Christian, still trying to process what he had just heard.

"You're letting go of Checo!"

Helmut sensed the unspoken question, and decided to cut in.

"He wanted to spend some time with his family. The things with his wife are not exactly... shall we say, peachy?"

"Bullsh*t!" Max snorted "There's more to it... There always is."

"Max", Christian's voice had a slight edge to it "Let's focus on the next steps. We have given you the list. Of course, we have done an internal evaluation for all of them. But it's your future teammate, so we wanted to surly take your opinion into... "

"My opinion!" Max chuckled, a humorless one, "I bet out of every person present in this room, I'm the last one to know about Checo."

The other three, Christian, Helmut, and Adrian remained silent, confirming Max's suspicion.

"Just... Pick a name. So that all parties involved can have an early weekend, buddy", Adrian sighs.

Max's eyes glanced over the images displayed on the giant screen in front of him. Each name was accompanied by a ton of statistics, performance, likability, and social media presence. Like every time, RBR research wing had done an impeccable job!

Herta, Nyck, Logan... And, mother of surprises, Lando!!!

"You can get Lando. How?" Max tried not to act surprised, but failed hard.

"Hmm... Let's just say we have our ways", Helmut had a strange smirk on his face.

Max said nothing. He kept staring at all the names. All of them were very talented, but none of them was the one he was thinking about.

"Max, you still there, buddy?" Adrian asked softly.

"I... " Max gulped "I want... "

*************************************

2 am, Jan 11, 2024, Perth, Australia

"DANIEL! DANIEL" someone was calling out.

Daniel wanted to lift his head and tell the SOB to shut the f up, but his head felt like it was tied around a bag of bricks!

"Oi! Mate! Get up!" Someone poked him in the ribs, making him swear loudly.

"Yeah, nah! Let me f*cking sleep" Daniel slurred. He brought the beer bottle to his lips and chugged the bitter liquid till his insides burnt.

"Go home, you big dag! It's been a week since she broke up with you, and so far you have proved her right", said a familiar voice.

Jake? Blake? Bloke?

"Perth's closed for the day, deadhead, just go home", said another gruff voice, not unkindly though.

It was the owner of the bar Daniel was currently sitting... err, sleeping in.

"Alrighty, c*nts! I'm out! I'm out! You guys are no fun", Daniel flipped off all those bodiless voices and staggered to his feet.

The world swam around him uncomfortably.

"F u c k!" Daniel bit into his balled fist, trying to stop himself from throwing up.

He stood in front of his car in the parking lot, and pondered for a long moment.

"F u c k it!" He concluded, and decided to walk home finally.

His home was a 10 min walk, but he could barely see the road, his head was spinning so badly.

He puked outside someone's perfectly manicured lawn, and ran on his wobbly feet before anyone could spot him.

It was a hot and humid night. By the time he reached home, he felt sweaty all over, ready to retire to his bed.

Daniel brushed his teeth, splashed some water on his face, and crawled into his bed with his shoes still on.

He grimaced when his phone rang.

"Please go away, whoever you are", he mumbled.

The phone won't stop ringing though. Daniel picked it up grudgingly, and looked at the phone screen with bleary eyes.

It was his mama!

"Hey, mum!" Daniel was suddenly wide awake. He sat up straight on his bed. His head swirled, but he decided he didn't care anymore. Grace wasn't someone who called so late at night!

"Dan... Danny" His mum whispered, making Daniel's heart shiver.

"What is it, mum?" Daniel asked breathlessly.

"Have you seen the news, baby?" Grace's voice was shaking.

"The news? No, mum... I think... I think there's a power cut", Daniel cursed himself inwardly for choosing such a remote place to live in Perth, maybe for the first time in a year.

"Wait! I'm sending you something..." His mum cut the call abruptly.

A moment later, Daniel received a WhatsApp message notification.

He had never clicked on a notification faster in his life. What he saw on the screen made him rub his eyes in disbelief!

"Perez to leave Red Bull in 2024. Veteran Aussie driver a surprise contender to replace him?"

There were two images below the newspaper article - an image of Checo and an image of DANIEL!

This had to be a mistake, Daniel mumbled to himself. He had not approached Red Bull, RBR had not approached him either. This was such a random thing!

For a moment, Daniel felt a rush of irrational anger towards the media, for publishing such a clickbait article...

Until he saw another message, from a certain someone who had haunted his dreams for the past one year.

*I told them I want you back. Please say yes. Not for them, for me. Will you? MV*

**************************

Do I write a second part? Lemme know, please🥰

[newwavesailor]

Thoughts on the upcoming Garfield Movie (2024) [SUPER LONG POST]

Chances are, unless you've been living in a remote cave in the mountains, you are aware that there's a new Garfield movie coming out in 2024. Yes, that's right. Twenty whole years after the disastrous live-action movie, and seventeen years following that film's sequel, and we are treated to the fat cat's antics on the big screen once more -- In full animation, no less.

However, you're probably aware of another quite notable aspect of this upcoming popcorn flick. An aspect of the film that has drummed up endless controversy, and it's the fact that the titular feline is voiced by none other than the internet's favorite punching bag, Chris Pratt.

Now, something like this isn't new. I remember when The Super Mario Bros. Movie was in the works, and they announced the cast, hearing the fact that this far-from-Italian man was going to be playing one of the most prolific video game characters of our time no doubt turned many people off. (It certainly didn't help that the trailers for said film showed him speaking in a so-called "normal voice") But once the film actually came out people had already started to warm up to him playing Mario.

But him playing Garfield somehow broke the entire internet, and it looks like people aren't going to be warming up to it the way they warmed up to Mario.

I personally think it boils down to the fact that Chris Pratt is already an pretty well un-liked name in the movie industry. First and foremost, there's his political controversies. I'm not going to go into too much detail, as I like to avoid talking about politics on my Tumblr, but Pratt has a well-documented history of racist actions. In 2019, he once wore a Gadsden flag on a T-shirt, a flag designed during the American Revolution which has been co-opted by white supremacists. He has also worn a Betsy Ross star baseball hat, which although not widely considered as racist, has been tied to other racist controversies, most notably one with Nike that same year. And let's not forget that Chris' brother, Cully Pratt, may be a member of the far-right supremacist militia Three Percenters, and Chris himself has alleged ties to the Zoe Church, a church in Australia that practices anti-LGBTQ+ conversion therapy.

So, yeah. He's not exactly what I would call a clean individual. On top of all this, he's seen as a rather boring individual by some, and upon reading up on these controversies, it sort of soiled my enjoyment of his other films, such as the aforementioned Mario and the Lego Movie.

Going back to Garfield, the other thing I would like to bring up is the fact that Garfield really only has two genuine voice actors (or three depending if you consider the live-action movies canon)

Without a doubt, the most well-known voice actor for Garfield was and still is Lorenzo Music, who portrayed the cat in numerous animated TV specials and the animated series Garfield and Friends. (1988-1994) He is the voice most people think of when they think of Garfield, but sadly, he passed away in 2001 at the age of 64. He also played other roles such as Peter Venkman in the The Real Ghostbusters, and Super Pac-Man in the Pac-Man animated series.

But it was Garfield that gave him stardom, and to this day, there are some people who say Garfield just doesn't sound the same unless it's done by him. But here's the kicker - He's been dead for 22 years. So, we need to find replacements.

Garfield's most prevalent voice actor for the past few years (while not the only one) has been Frank Welker, a voice actor who has acted in countless cartoons, but is easily best known for his long-running role as Fred Jones in the Scooby-Doo franchise, as well as voicing Megatron in numerous iterations of the Transformers franchise. Welker's role as Garfield has also been the source of controversy; You either love him or hate him, so I'm told.

Long tangent over. Back to the movie. What do I think? I'll give you my thoughts in the form of a checklist.

✅I like the trailer.

✅I don't like Chris Pratt's voice. (Or, just him in general.)

✅I think this film may will still be somewhat decent.

One of the defining (and probably most jarring) bits of the trailer to me is unfortunately, Chris Pratt's voice. As someone who grew up accustomed to hearing either Lorenzo Music or Frank Welker coming out of Garfield, hearing this distinctly human-sounding voice seemed rather odd. It worked with Mario, I think, because Mario himself is a human. Garfield is a well-fed tabby cat with the personality of a grumpy old man. And hearing Chris Pratt's rather upbeat voice coming out of him sounded rather jarring.

But in a way, I kind of liked it... at first. I thought it sounded not too far off from Frank Welker's Garfield voice, just with a slightly higher pitch. So, what made me change my mind?

Hot take incoming!

I think it may have had something to do with me learning about Chris Pratt's racist past and right-wing ties. That might have soiled it for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm still probably going to see the movie. But I feel that if you do go out to see this movie, at least be somewhat aware of who you're giving money to. I know the people who watch Guardians of the Galaxy aren't necessarily bad people because they watch Chris Pratt as Star-Lord. But they need to be somewhat aware of the kind of people getting royalties.

So now, whenever I hear Chris Pratt's voice coming out of one of my cartoon icons, all I can really think is "This guy is a piece of crap in real life." And it's a shame too, because there's one part in the trailer that shows Pratt can deliver a decent, Garfield-y sounding voice.

In the part where Vic (Garfield's father, played by Samuel L. Jackson) asks if Garfield has ever jumped out of a train, Garfield responds with "I've never jumped." And this phrase is delivered in a deep monotone that sounds perfect for Garfield. I figure if the entire trailer had been done in that voice, it would have had a far less negative reaction from fans.

As for the rest of the trailer, it honestly looks good. I particularly like the character designs, and yes, Baby Garfield is just precious. Forget Baby Yoda, this one wins the award for cutest marketable character.

I'd also heard some people complaining about Odie's design. I previously made a post talking about how Odie's design may have been based on his original 1978 version, so I won't bring it up here.

Personally, once you can get past the confusing mess that was Chris Pratt's vocal performance, you get what looks like a decent film. I imagine it will end up a lot like the Mario movie -- Not a real critic pleaser, but I'm sure fans of the franchise will like it okay.

So, to put if brief, I'm somewhat excited. But I'm also in a conflict of interest. I honestly don't mind other people doing the voice of Garfield. I personally believe that people can be so bound to their nostalgia that to hear something that looks familiar but sounds different can come across as somewhat uncanny.

I grew up with Garfield. I had the Garfield and Friends: Behind the Scenes DVD as a child. I loved that DVD, and the free mini Garfield plush that came with it. So growing up, I knew Lorenzo Music as Garfield, despite being born after his death. So hearing Lorenzo's voice is nostalgic to me. But I refuse to let nostalgia get in the way of criticism. Just because something's new doesn't instantly mean it's bad.

With that being said, Chris Pratt as Garfield isn't terrible. He's just not a great Garfield. If the folks at Alcon Entertainment could replace him with a better voice actor, that would be great. But sometimes, it's not that easy. We are so close to May of 2024, and by then, the film will already be out. It would take a good while for them to scrounge a new Garfield voice. The first Sonic the Hedgehog movie had to be delayed a good few months to tweak the character design, and I imagine it would be the same if they were to find a new Garfield.

So in closing: Chris Pratt as Garfield? Big, fat hairy deal.

(Edit 1/1/2024: I reworded part of the ending to reflect my feelings about the voice a bit better.)

[xtruss]

Heywood on the family boat Wavewalker, near Vanuatu in the South Pacific, 1987. Photograph: Courtesy of Suzanne Heywood

‘Dad Said: We’re Going To Follow Captain Cook’: How An Endless Round-The-World Voyage Stole My Childhood

In 1976, Suzanne Heywood’s Father Decided to Take the Family on a Three-Year Sailing ‘Adventure’ – and Then Just Kept Going. It was a Journey into Fear, Isolation and Danger …

— By Suzanne Heywood | March 25th, 2023 | The Guardian USA

When we lived in England my days had a familiar rhythm. Each morning, my mother flung open the curtains in my room, and I tugged my school jumper over my head and pulled on my skirt before tumbling downstairs to eat cereal with my younger brother Jon. After school, we’d play on the swing in our garden, or crouch at the far end of the stream to watch dragonflies hovering above the gold-green surface.

I was used to this rhythm; I liked it and thought it would never change. Until one morning over breakfast, my father announced that we were going to sail around the world.

I paused, a spoonful of cornflakes halfway to my mouth.

“We’re going to follow Captain Cook,” Dad said. “After all, we share the captain’s surname, so who better to do it?” He picked up his cigarette and leaned back in his seat.

“Are you joking?” I asked.

Next to me, Jon watched Dad, his lips parted.

“Not at all,” said my father, puffing out a cloud of smoke. “I’m deadly serious.”

“But why?”

“Well, someone needs to mark the 200th anniversary of Cook’s third voyage, don’t they?” he said, raising his eyebrows at my mother.

“Of course they do, Gordon,” said Mum, returning his smile.

“I’ve told you kids about the captain,” said Dad, stubbing out his cigarette in the ashtray. “He was an incredible man. The people who were going to recreate his first and second voyages didn’t get their act together in time, so this is the last opportunity.”

“How long will we be gone?” I asked.

“Three years. By the time we get back, you’ll have seen more places than most people will visit in a lifetime. We’ll sail down to South America, then cross the Atlantic Ocean to South Africa and Australia. From there, it’s on to Hawaii and Russia.”

The clock was ticking on the wall. I looked out of the window at the empty swing. Dad had taken us sailing before, but this was different.

One evening later that summer, Dad announced that he’d found a boat. A few weeks afterwards, we went down to the Isle of Wight to inspect his find. He marched ahead at the boatyard. “You’re going to love her, I know you will,” he said, and I looked up to see an enormous boat with a long, curved bow, two masts and a raised deck at the stern.

The interior was unfinished, but bunks and cupboards were already taking shape, half-formed in the gloom.

After a while, I went up on to the aft deck to sit next to my father in the cockpit, watching him attach a compass to the binnacle, the wooden instrument stand in front of the ship’s wheel. “She’s called Wavewalker,” he said. “We were lucky – I was able to buy her because the man who was building her ran out of money.”

“Wavewalker,” I said, exploring the edges of the word. This boat would walk us over the waves, carrying us around the world and back again.

“But you’re so normal,” people often say when they find out about my childhood. And in some ways, I am. But, even if it’s not visible, my experience of spending a decade sailing 47,000 nautical miles on Wavewalker, equivalent to circumnavigating the globe twice, shaped who I am today.

The family waving goodbye, Plymouth, 1976. Photograph: Courtesy of Suzanne Heywood

I started thinking again about my past when my children were old enough to ask me about it. Did Dad really sail around the world because he wanted to honour Captain Cook? Why didn’t my parents, middle class and well educated themselves, worry about their children’s education or social isolation? Why was my relationship with my mother so difficult, particularly during my teenage years, and why didn’t my father try to help, when he must have seen how miserable I was?

My parents always claimed our time on Wavewalker was wonderful and told me I’d had a privileged upbringing. But this oft-repeated mantra conceals a much darker story. What I found, when I mustered enough courage to look back, was that many parts of my childhood were worse than I’d been willing to admit.

When I set sail from England with my parents, brother and three crew members in the summer of 1976, I was seven and thought the trip was going to be like an extended, exciting summer holiday. Once we’d settled into our ocean routines, Mum began giving Jon and me some schoolwork to do in the mornings, usually a maths or English worksheet. It was convenient that we were only a year apart in age, she said, since it meant she could teach us together. When I asked about other subjects, such as history, art or science, she said she wasn’t going to bother with those – if we were good at maths and English, everything else would sort itself out. Anyway, our voyage was like a massive geography field trip.

One day, about a week after leaving Gran Canaria, and a month after leaving England, a shadow appeared above the ocean’s southern rim. “I think it’s Ilha de Santo Antão in the Cape Verde islands,” said Dad, “which means we’re about 400 miles off the most westerly tip of Africa and halfway to Rio.”

Heywood with her parents Mary and Gordon and brother Jon. Photograph: Courtesy of Suzanne Heywood

The shadow darkened and gained substance, becoming a craggy rock lurking under a cloud, while the ocean filled with writhing jellyfish. The heat built until, one day, the breeze rotated through every direction and disappeared. “We’ve hit the doldrums,” said Dad when I went to stand beside him on the deck, gazing out at an ocean of thick honey. “They happen where the north and south trade winds meet. But that’s supposed to be a hundred miles south of here.”

We sat sweating under a blue bowl of sky for several days after that, each breath a gasp of heat that scorched the lungs. When the sun was up, I danced across the parched deck, searching for patches of shade, while Dad made a saltwater shower from a bucket punctured with holes that he hung in the rigging. At night, I slept on deck to escape the stifling air below, lying on my sleeping bag, and reaching up to grasp handfuls of the stars peppering the Milky Way.

After the wind returned, we saw a passenger ship ploughing its way towards us from South America. It came so close that I could see the people crowding its balconies and rails to wave, and when it swept past I saw its name etched on the stern: Brazilla.

“I wish we’d asked them for food,” I said, watching it go.

Dad laughed. “Don’t be silly.”

“There’s no fresh fruit left,” I said, giving him my sad look. “And I hate salt tablets.”

Salt was taking over my life. White tidemarks of it bloomed on my skin; my clothes and sleeping bag were sticky with it; and now I had to eat it as well, to stave off dehydration.

An artist’s impression of the interior of Wavewalker. Illustration: Camilla Ashforth

“Do you want to try some ship’s biscuits?” asked Dad, and when I nodded, he showed me where he’d hidden the tins under the step outside the main head, the name for the ship’s toilet.

“Do they have raisins in them?” I asked.

He shook his head and peered at my biscuit. “Oh, don’t worry about those: they’re only weevils. Tap it sharply on the table, and most of them will fall out and crawl away. The rest will give you useful protein.”

From South America, we sailed on to apartheid South Africa. We then set off across the notorious southern Indian Ocean towards Australia, this time with two inexperienced crew members on board, as my father had by then decided that he preferred to teach people how to sail himself. My father was a hero to me and, it seemed, to everyone else; and my mother was his glamorous, if somewhat unwilling, and unmaternal, accomplice.

On the first day of the new year, when we were partway across the Indian Ocean, I opened my eyes to a world I wanted to leave. I wanted to go home. I dragged myself from my bunk, taking care to avoid being hurled back against it when the boat veered the other way. The main cabin was deserted, so I huddled by the table, holding Teddy, my small brown bear, and wondered if anyone else was hungry. When my father came down, I wedged Teddy into the bookcase and followed him into the chartroom.

“How is it up there, Dad?” I asked. “Are the waves getting any better?”

He looked at me, his face expressionless. “No. They’re worse. They’re now over 50ft high. And the wind has changed direction to blow at storm force straight from the south pole.”

“Oh.” The hairs prickled on my neck.

He turned to lean over his chart. “It’s not good,” he said. He spoke the words quietly, as if to himself. Wavewalker’s quivering moments at the summit of each wave had become longer, and her plunges forward more extreme. Everything felt wet: my skin, my clothes, my hair, the floor and every surface I touched.

My fear felt physical – a cold lump I carried in my stomach. Every so often, if the wind wailed or our movement down a wave was particularly steep, my heart pounded and my legs felt weak.

Jon had joined me at the table by the time Mum struggled down the ladder in her oilskins several hours later. “Put on your lifejackets,” she said. “We’re going too fast. We must be prepared.”

I didn’t ask how a lifejacket would help us survive in an ocean full of gigantic, icy waves, and neither did Jon. There was little point in arguing, and, anyway, Mum was already halfway back up into the cockpit. When she returned later, Jon and I were sitting trussed up in our jackets by the table.

“Sue, come and help me make some food,” said Mum. “I need a can of corned beef.”

I nodded, gripping the countertop rail with one hand while unlatching a cupboard door with the other. The cabin tipped backwards. Wavewalker was climbing another watery mountain. This time the pause was endless. It felt as if time had been suspended, leaving us balanced on the head of a monstrous wave.

There was an explosion, and chunks of decking collapsed inwards above my head, followed by an avalanche of cold, grey water. As the boat lurched on to its side, my fingers let go and I was flung against the ceiling and back on to the galley wall. The air filled with screams, some of them mine.

“Icy Water Flooded into the Boat. ‘Do You Think We’re Going to Die?’ Jon Asked. ‘Probably,’ I Said”

Some time passed, though I don’t know how much. When I opened my eyes, I was lying on the floor of the main cabin, half-covered in water and surrounded by pieces of crockery, sodden books and hunks of decking. Icy water, black, grey and foaming white, flooded in through a hole above me. Jagged beams hung down from the ceiling, and one side of the cabin bulged inwards.

Mum was near the ladder. She tilted her head back to shriek through the hatch: “We’re sinking, Gordon! There’s a hole in the deck, and she’s full of water.”

I couldn’t get up – my legs didn’t want to move, and all I wanted to do was sleep. Maybe I could rest here, I thought, the water a blanket around me.

When I opened my eyes again I was lying in one of the top bunks in the four-berth cabin. Below me, the floor was covered with water and bits of debris – books, cushions, pieces of wood. Wavewalker felt full and drunk, and each time she tilted, water poured in through the hatch in the ceiling.

“Stop crying,” said Jon. “You’ve been crying for ages.”

I saw him lying on the bottom bunk on the other side of the cabin. He was right. I was crying.

He was clutching a square biscuit tin.

“Want one?” he asked, holding it up.

“No.” I tried to shake my head, but the pain made me stop.

I was wet, everything around me was wet, and some of the wetness was red. I closed my eyes, exhausted by the pain in my head. Dad appeared. He leaned over my bunk, his eyes underlined with curved shadows, his cheeks and nose red and inflamed.

“Are you OK?” he asked.

“I don’t think so.” My voice was a whimper.

He touched my right forearm, and I glanced down to see that his forefinger was dyed crimson.

“Why didn’t you tell me how bad this was?”

“I didn’t want to worry you,” I said, but really he hadn’t been there to tell.

“Do you think we’re going to die?” Jon asked after our parents had left.

“Probably,” I said, trying to put the lifejacket on without moving my head or touching the swelling above my eye. The lump seemed to be growing. It was taking me over, a foreign thing embedded in my head.

Somehow – miraculously – Dad managed to navigate us over the next few days to a tiny island in the middle of the Indian Ocean: Île Amsterdam. Even more miraculously, we were still afloat when we reached it, due largely to the continuous pumping done by our two crew members, and the tarpaulin and quick-setting cement Dad had spread across the huge hole in our deck.

We were greeted on Île Amsterdam by Commandant Ghozi, who told us he was leading a French scientific mission of 30 people there. He took me to be examined by a thin man in a white coat named Dr Senellart. “She has a broken nose, a fractured skull and there is blood trapped inside the swelling on her head,” he told my parents when we rejoined them in the waiting room.

I slipped my hand inside Dad’s. “What if we do nothing?” he asked.

The family having tea at the helm. Photograph: Courtesy of Suzanne Heywood

“The swelling is pressing down on the fracture. If we do nothing, Monsieur Capitaine, your daughter could end up with brain damage. We must cut into the wound.”

For weeks, my mother kept taking me back to the tiny medical building where I underwent multiple operations on my head without anaesthetic, lying alone on the hospital bed. After my seventh operation, I went to find Mum in the waiting room.

“It is finished, Madame,” said Dr Senellart, following me in. “These,” he said, pointing to the shadows under my eyes, “will go in time. Your daughter is very brave.”

“I Was Nine And We Had Been Travelling For Two Years and 223 Days. Our Trip Was Supposed To Finish. But Dad Had Other Ideas.”

Mum, Jon and I were eventually rescued from Île Amsterdam by a passing container ship, while Dad sailed on with our two crew members to Fremantle in Australia in the dangerously damaged Wavewalker.

After repairing Wavewalker, we sailed from Fremantle to Sydney, and then across to New Zealand before turning north-east to make our way up to Hawaii. By the time we arrived in Honolulu, I was nine and we had been travelling for two years and 223 days. This was the point at which our trip was supposed to finish. Captain Cook had been killed in Hawaii, and we’d arrived there just over 200 years after his death.

But, of course, Dad had other ideas.

In Hawaii, the months turned into years while Dad tried various schemes to raise money, including working in a boatyard, setting up an exhibition on our trip and asking for donations. My 12th birthday came around and I gave up counting the days in my diary. I was learning nothing and was going crazy with boredom, since my parents – for reasons I never understood – had decided not to send us to school.

One night my father came home and said that we needed a family conference. The discussion took place over a dinner of corned beef and cabbage, spiced up with Tabasco sauce.

“Well, we can’t stay in Hawaii for ever,” he said. “I think we have two options. We’ve finished our voyage, so we could go home through the Panama Canal.”

We all nodded.

“Or we could sail back down the Pacific.”

I felt sick. It was the first time that Dad had suggested we might not go back to England

“But if we did that,” I asked, “when would we go home?”

“What’s the hurry? Think of all the places we haven’t seen. We haven’t even been to Tahiti yet.”

I put my hand on the sofa’s red plastic cover. He was listing more destinations – Vanuatu, New Caledonia, Papua New Guinea. Mum was nodding and smiling.

He glanced at me. “That’s enough discussion, Sue. It’s time to vote.”

I slumped against the seat. Mum folded a sheet of paper into quarters, ripping it along the creases. She pushed the pieces across the table towards us.

Everyone scribbled on the slips, which went into Dad’s blue felt captain’s hat, a blue boat on a wooden ocean that held our future.

Dad unfolded the first vote.

Pacific

He smiled, and his hand dived back in. He spread out the second vote.

Home

I stared at the slips of paper, avoiding his eyes. No one said anything.

The third vote came out.

Pacific

I wanted to look at Jon, but I couldn’t take my eyes off the final slip of paper, which would determine everything. Dad smoothed it out.

Home

“Ah,” he said, “we have a draw.” He looked at Jon and me, and I sat up straight, ready to explain my choice.

My father glanced at Mum and knocked another cigarette out of the packet on the table. “What you kids must realise,” he said, leaning back and blowing out a mouthful of smoke, “is this isn’t a democracy, it’s a benevolent dictatorship. The captain always gets the casting vote.” He picked up his glass of rum and Coke and raised it towards us. “And I think we should go back down the Pacific.”

We set off again. After a brief classroom experience in Queensland, Australia, some months later, I registered with a correspondence school, but finding the space and time I needed to study on board Wavewalker became a huge battle. My parents had by then started bringing paying crew on to the boat – advertising our voyages as “whale and dolphin sighting expeditions”. This turned our boat into a floating hotel in which I was expected to cook and clean for several hours a day. In addition, after I reached puberty, my relationship with my mother had deteriorated and she often didn’t talk to me for weeks on end, instead only referring to me in the third person, as if I was not there.

“I Was Trapped On Wavewalker Against My Will, With Parents Who Didn’t Seem To Care How Unhappy I Was.”

For the next three years we circled the Pacific. We were hit by another cyclone, and saw places like Tanna Island in Vanuatu, with its live volcano, remote Tikopia Island in the Solomons, and Marovo Lagoon in the New Georgia Islands, with its swamps and wood carvings. Meanwhile, I kept trying to study, hiding inside a sail to work so no one could find me to ask me to do more chores, and sending lessons back to the school whenever we reached a port that had a post office. I was trapped on Wavewalker against my will, with parents who didn’t seem to care how isolated or unhappy I was. I had no obvious way to get away – I had no money and no longer remembered any of my relatives or friends back in England. But, somehow, I trusted that if I educated myself enough it would help me escape.

I was 16 – and had been on Wavewalker for almost nine years – when Dad announced we were going to New Zealand. A few days after arriving in Auckland, Dad told us that he’d applied for the role of marketing manager at Hamurana Park, a tourist attraction several hours’ drive away, near Rotorua in the centre of New Zealand’s North Island. I had a thousand questions. Why was he applying for it? Would we stop sailing if he got it? What would then happen to Wavewalker? To name just a few. But when I tried to ask them, Dad shook his head. “Stop badgering me, Sue – if I get offered the job, then I’ll decide what we do.”

He set off in a hire car early one morning for his interview, squashed into his only suit. Later that day, we went to the yacht club to await his call. Mum took it when it came. “He got the job,” she told Jon and me afterwards. “We’re going to apply for New Zealand residency. The park’s owners want your dad to live in Rotorua, so we’ll find a school for Jon there.”

“But what about me?”

She hesitated. “Well, if your dad gets residency, you’ll get it, too. So you’ll be able to go to university in Auckland. But let’s not get ahead of ourselves.”

When my father returned, he declared that we would stay in Auckland for Christmas before moving the boat down to the coastal city of Tauranga to start our annual repairs. Wavewalker would then be put into storage when he started his job. I nodded at this news. I didn’t want to stay in a country where I had no friends, but staying in one place was better than sailing, and, in any case, I’d learned not to argue with Dad’s decisions.

A couple of months later, Dad announced another decision – Jon and I were going to live in Rotorua on our own, so that Jon could start going to a school there. I would continue to learn by post, Dad told me, and would be responsible for looking after Jon, who was by then 15. When Wavewalker was repaired, he would start his job and come to live with us, while Mum kept sailing Wavewalker with another skipper, to make more money from paying crew.

“So what do you think?” asked Dad, after we had accelerated up a final short, steep track near Lake Rotoiti, and parked alongside two wooden holiday huts, known locally as “baches”.

“Is this where we’re going to live?”

“Yes.”

“But where is Rotorua?”

“It’s about 40 minutes’ drive away. But it’s nice here – you’ll see.”

I followed Dad through the sliding door of the slightly larger bach. Inside was a small sitting room furnished with a sofa covered in a worn, mud-brown blanket. A pot-bellied stove faced it, its black paint fighting the rust creeping up its curved legs. A door led to a galley kitchen and, next to that, a small bathroom contained a twin-cylinder, top-loading washing machine that looked like it should be in a museum. The bach had one bedroom that I could use, and Jon was going to sleep in the second, smaller bach.

Heywood attempting to study while en route to Fiji, 1985. Photograph: Courtesy of Suzanne Heywood

Dad returned to Tauranga, and I settled into a routine. Each morning, Jon came into the main bach for breakfast and I asked about his plans for the day, though he rarely said much. After he left to catch the school bus, I tidied up and took my books out to study on the veranda overlooking the lake.

When I tired of working, I’d row the house’s small dinghy out on to the water, pull in the oars and let it drift. It was there, lying on my back watching the birds loop and glide, that I allowed my thoughts to unravel. Wavewalker. Her movement backwards and forwards through the ocean. The dampness, the closed wooden cabins. My parents caught up in their own needs. Salt. Waves. Diesel. Dust. Boredom. Loneliness. Fear.

In late April, Dad returned to the bach to declare another change of plan. The skipper he’d hoped would take charge of Wavewalker wasn’t up to the task. Instead, he was going to resign from his job and sail the boat himself.

“You’re leaving again?” I asked, my voice faltering.

“Yes.” He avoided my eyes.

“When will you be back?”

“Well, we’re only partway through the first of three charters, so not until November.”

That was seven months away.

“How am I going to pay for things, Dad?” I said, my voice catching.

He hesitated. “Don’t worry. I’ll set up a separate account for you to use. I won’t be able to put much in it, so you’ll need to be very frugal.” He sipped his tea. “There’s one other thing. I need you to manage the bookings for the boat. There are spaces left on the trips for this year, so you’ll have to run some more advertisements.”

“The Yellow Pages Lay Next To The Phone. Almost Without Thinking, I Picked It Up And Dialled The Number For Childline.”

“Don’t worry, Sue,” he said. “I’ll ring whenever we get to a major port. And our friend Pam will help you if you need it.”

“But Pam lives three hours away in Auckland, Dad,” I said, still trying not to cry.

He got up. “I think we’d better call it a night, don’t you? I need to pack in the morning – your mum’s anxious for me to get back.”

One afternoon a few weeks later, I sat watching a stain on the sofa morph through a succession of shapes – a dolphin, a sail flapping, a man with a crooked nose, a laughing witch. Jon had left for school hours before, and I didn’t know how long I’d been sitting there. The Yellow Pages lay next to the phone. Almost without thinking, I picked it up, flicked through its pages and dialled the number for Childline.

“I don’t understand,” said the counsellor. “Where are your parents?”

“They’ve gone sailing.”

“When are they coming back?”

“November, I think,” I said, and the tears started.

I took a breath.

Then, in a rush: “I don’t know where they are. I don’t know when they’ll call again.”

“Are there any adults who can help you?”

“My parents have a friend called Pam, but she lives several hours away.

I caught my breath and kept answering the counsellor’s questions: “No, I’m not going to school. I sit here on my own all day, trying to teach myself.” My voice quavered.

“How are you feeling?” she asked.

Wavewalker. Photograph: Courtesy of Suzanne Heywood

“Not very well. I’m finding it hard to eat and I have a permanent headache.” I paused, trying to keep control. “As well as looking after my brother, I have to run my dad’s business.”

“Oh dear,” said the counsellor. She was trying to be helpful, but the hint of kindness in her words pushed me over the edge. “And … and … ” I said, tears running down my face, “and worst of all, I don’t want to be spending my time doing any of this. I need to be studying, or I won’t get into university.”

There was another pause. “None of this is your fault,” she said. “You’re coping with far more than is fair. I can’t change that, though I can be here if you need to talk.”

The counsellor did give me one piece of advice before the call ended:

“You can’t deal with this alone. If you try to, things will keep getting worse.”

The quiet engulfed me after I hung up the phone. I brought my legs up on to the sofa and buried my head between my knees.

More weeks passed. My call to Childline hadn’t changed my world, but it had allowed me to accept that it wasn’t my fault that I’d been left to look after my brother alone in New Zealand. It had also spurred me on to find a friend, a girl who lived on a caravan site nearby. But when winter arrived, a new worry started keeping me awake at night: my New Zealand visa was about to expire. I put on my smartest clothes – a T-shirt and denim skirt – and drove to Tauranga, where I was sent to wait in a long line in the immigration building. Some hours later, the man looked at my passport. “Where are your parents?”

“‘Where Are Your Parents?’ I Was Asked At Immigration. ‘Fiji?’ I Replied.”

“They’re away for a bit,” I said, trying to sound cheery. “But they’ll be back soon.”

The man’s frown deepened. My smile faded, and I felt small.

“Where exactly are your parents?”

“Fiji?”

He shook his head. “If they’re not in New Zealand, I can only extend your visa by two weeks. You’re a minor: you can’t stay here alone.”

Three days later, the phone went. Wavewalker had arrived in Fiji.

“Don’t worry,” said Dad, when I described my crisis, “I’ll come back.”

Suzanne Heywood, photographed earlier this month. Photograph: Amit Lennon/The Guardian

When my father turned up in New Zealand a few days later, we went back to the immigration department in Tauranga. This time, with him promising to stay and look after me in New Zealand, they agreed to extend my visa for four months until early October. It still didn’t get me to my final exams in November, but it at least got me closer.

Once again, Dad was in a hurry to leave, saying that Mum was waiting for him in Fiji and he had work to do on Wavewalker to get it ready to sail again.

More weeks passed. Somehow, I managed my loneliness and focused on the only thing that might help – studying as hard as I possibly could, staring at my books out on the wooden veranda. By doing this, I could make my way through each day without breaking down.

When October came, I went to the police station. “I only need a month’s extension to my visa this time,” I told the officer, while he thumbed through my passport.

He shook his head. “I can’t extend this any further unless you can show me an air ticket back to England.”

I went from the police station to the local travel agency, where another man hunted down flights. The cheapest option was a circuitous journey up to Japan and back down through Hong Kong that would cost $600.

“Are you sure there’s no cheaper ticket?” Dad asked, when at last he rang and I’d explained my predicament. “It’s a ridiculous price.”

I said nothing. I was clenching the phone so tight it hurt my hand.

“Well,” he said, after a long pause. “I guess I have no choice. I’ll move the money into the account.”

“Thanks, Dad,” I said, and, with three hours to go, I got the passport stamp I needed. I could stay in New Zealand until 10 days after my exams, but would then have to return to England after a decade away to face whatever waited for me there.

When my plane reached Tokyo, I stumbled out, carried along in a wave of travellers. I heard laughter and turned to see a girl looking at me. “You have a lot of luggage,” she said. “Let me help.”

By the time we reached the other end of the pristine terminal, we were laughing and almost crying over my absurdly heavy bags, and I’d discovered my new friend was called Hélène and would be sharing my next flight to Hong Kong.

“I’m going back to Paris to find a job and somewhere to live after a year of travelling in Australia,” she said. “What are you doing here on your own?”

It was a long story, but we had time. So I told her about Wavewalker, my childhood at sea, and my determination to escape and go to university. It was odd to talk about these things so far from where it had all happened.

“But what if you don’t get in?” she asked.

I shrugged, trying to ignore the ball of fear inside my stomach.

“I can’t go back.”

“Why not?”

“Because at last I’m free.”

• This is an edited extract from Wavewalker: Breaking Free by Suzanne Heywood, published by William Collins on 13 April.

[mmhaterade]

The 2023 Hater's Guide to the West Region

This blog is not in any way affiliated with the NCAA, its entities, subsidiaries, or member institutions. This is a humor site and should be treated as such. We’re all on our way out – act accordingly.

1. Kansas (28-6). When Texas beat Kansas to end the Big 12 (8?) regular season, the intrepid videographer shooting the game happened to catch a KU coed wearing a t-shirt which read “I (heart) Dick.” A-fucking-mazing. Look, I don’t have to tell you KU fans need this one seed, need the wins, need a title more than anything to justify their continued existence. They live in Kansas for fuck’s sake – Interstate 70 ends in Lawrence and you are stuck wandering the plains like Denzel Washington in Book of Eli until you reach Colorado, and the interstate magically appears again. There is NOTHING to do here other than watch basketball, and that says a lot, because I live in Iowa!

2. UCLA (29-5). This is a Bruin, right? With that face, I am 100% sure his name is “Crick Monin.”

3. Gonzaga (28-5). There is a new Constitutional amendment which clearly states you are no longer allowed to refer to Gonzaga as a Cinderella school. It’s been twenty five years - I think the slipper finally broke. They’ve now been in every final AP poll since the 2008-09 season, and have appeared in every weekly AP poll since 2016-17, a streak of 115 consecutive weeks. I will never stop laughing when eighth year senior Drew Timme appears on my TV screen. All I see is TIMMY from South Park. Fuck John Stockton.

4. UConn (25-8). Go back to the AAC! Biggest group of crybabies in the country and it isn’t even close. When their women’s team had an injury plagued season (lost five games including back-to-back games for the first time in 30 years), Geno Auriemma vented to the media and to his team, telling them they had three days before the conference tournament to fix things. Then he got in his car and drove home to Manchester, wishing he could continue westward. “The way I felt was I want to wake up in California in three days,” he said. “I just want to keep driving, I don’t want to do anything, I don’t want to come to practice.” Jesus man, just fucking quit already and move away from that awful place. Twitter account CrimsonCast put it best: UConn continues to fail to shake the perception that they are simply an analytics darling. Like an east coast version of the Mountain West.

5. Saint Mary’s (26-7). Every bracket, no matter the site, always lists this school as “Saint Mary’s (CA).” Why? No one is confusing this school for the archaeological dig site posing as a university in Maryland, or the all-women’s college in north-central Indiana where many of the enrolled students play for nearby Leprechaun U, also known as Notre Dame. No, this is the school – in California – that gets exclusive coverage on ESPN Australia/New Zealand. Sixty percent of the student body is involved in organized athletics here, so it’s a good chance you’ll be handed a scholarship and some sort of ball upon move-in. It’s either that or forced labor washing jockstraps.

6. TCU (21-12). Their coach gives out a pair of “charge socks” when a Horned Frog player takes a charge. There’s a big bucket of these colorful dress socks in the TCU locker room. Charge socks? You have to be kidding me. You are in the Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex, you can’t find a bag of blow or an extra couple of c-notes for your athletes? (Producer cuts in…garbled static…). Pardon me, I’ve just been informed that the “C” in TCU stands for “Christian.” There is no cocaine on campus. But NIL is legal now, surely you can find something other than a pair of sweaty dress socks to reward your unpaid employees. Perhaps a sad handjob from a coed who has already put on the freshman 15+15+15?

7. Northwestern (21-11). Congratulations, you finished top three in the Big Ten for the first time since 1960. You won your last conference championship 90 (!) years ago. You have made one (1) NCAA tournament and had to be retroactively selected as something called the Helms National Champion. Your most successful head coach played for Phog Allen at Kansas – in 1917! Northwestern basketball is the definition of futility. They are the Chicago Cubs of the NCAA; fitting for a program that markets itself as “Chicago’s Big Ten team” (insert jerking off hand motion here). Even if Northwestern won 25 games a season for the next 25 years, they would still have a losing record.

8. Arkansas (20-13). It is against state law to mispronounce “Arkansas'' while in the state, yet their residents  pronounce jalapeno “Holla-PEE-no.” Gun to my head, I wouldn’t be able to look at Sarah Huckabee Sanders naked, playing with a hula hoop, for more than a second.

9. Illinois (20-12). Brad Underwood is a bargain-bin Gene Keady who is very upset about “booty ball.” Every press conference he attends ends with him making a wet fart sound into the microphone.

10. Boise State (24-9). No one gives a shit about this team unless tater tots rise to $6 a bag – then it’s time to storm the blue court. I know exactly one person from Idaho and their personality matches that of the official state produce. This person is incapable of being corrected. They are always right. You are always wrong. If you say the sky is blue, their response will no doubt begin with “well, actually…” Boise is also not a state, you arrogant fuckhead.

11. Arizona State (20-12) or Nevada (23-9). Over 60% of the student body at ASU has some form of herpes. Unless you are a model, they throw you in an engineering building for four years. If you hate Duke just like the rest of America, you generally hate Christian Laettner and Grant Hill. But there’s one player from those early-90s teams everyone forgot: Bobby Hurley. As I’ve aged, my hatred for Hurley has waned, but I’ll always wish maximum pain for whatever team he coaches.

With the growth of legalized sports gambling across the United States, the University of Nevada has introduced several new classes for the 2023-24 school year: Kneecap Relocation, Intermediate Hammer Smashing Techniques, and Advanced Vig Calculation. Another new course addition as of Thursday morning: Getting Your Shit Pushed In By A Sun Devil Pitchfork. Too soon? Probably.

12. VCU (27-7). VCU stands for Very Completely Underwhelming. This isn’t a college, it’s an industrial laundry that has tricked 28,000 students into paying the institution to “work.” If you want a perfect example of the bloat in higher education administration, consider there are over 11,000 non-academic staff at VCU. Never trust a doctor from this school; they only practiced on centaurs.  

13. Iona (27-7). Someone is going to give Rick Pitino the best 14 seconds of his life to coach for them. 

14. Grand Canyon (24-11). By employing buzzer-beating Valpo alum Bryce Drew, this pretend university has already accomplished more in the NCAA Tournament than Mount Rushmore State, Hoover Dam U, Smokey Mountains College and SUNY-Niagara Falls.

15. UNC Asheville (27-7). Let’s have a quick check-in on how this college is doing. Student enrollment and retention are plunging at UNC-Asheville and top leadership is departing at the highest rate in the entire UNC system. While overall student enrollment in the UNC system has increased 7% since 2015, UNC-Asheville fell by a stunning 25%, the largest drop among the 16 public universities in the system. Of the incoming students UNC-A is able to attract, a high number of them leave before graduation. Retention of students, measured as those returning for a second year of school, is now just 68.6%, the lowest in ten years. Jesus, even Trump University would laugh at these numbers. 

16. Howard (22-12). Howard students recently had to protest living conditions in on-campus dorms – mold, mildew, and rats are apparently very commonplace in multiple residences. It is 2023; the only sensible reason these alarming conditions should be issues on your campus is when you have outsourced every part of the student life experience to a call center in the middle of the Himalayas.

[the-firebird69]

There's a huge number of people who are wondering what's going on and we'll tell you there is an invasion Force that is Departed other countries and it has also departed by sea and it is heading this way. It is a considerable Force on the last wave was 30,000 octillion this way it was twice that and her son has no confidence in it getting through. Is departed foreign countries at this time the first wave of ships and the second wave will be up shortly then the third wave all 100 miles from each other is what they usually do. It's going on momentarily and they're going to roll any minute now. The first wave of ships is loaded up and the second way if it's getting ready now and they're halfway loaded and takes about an hour and you're loading it faster and I'll be ready I said in less than 20 minutes probably true and this is the third wave. We don't like these people they have no scruples and they're stupid they're putting things on TV that don't make sense and they're saying you can kind of rip people off so they're going to hell or taking them out of the picture we cannot stand them but really they are fighting the max and on purpose and they are getting creamed. This invasion Force is about $70,000 octillion it's probably half of what they have left globally including Australia and New Zealand and the islands it's going to make them very thin everywhere else there's maybe 20,000 likely left besides the islands they think they can do something.

It will begin shortly

Thor Freya

There's so many dead from our son's money in the branches and that those areas are full of dead people and they're pulling them all out with trucks and they're putting them into the incinerators and everybody freaked out overseas as they should have before and now they're all trying to invade to stop them to take the money that's not theirs and you can't tell who the problem is yeah you can see his idiots and they're dying near the branches as they're dying here all the time and he's thinking what loses you are so freaking damn stupid and probably had no idea of the effect of the money was. Right now the banks that we own are growing and we own BB&t which ones truist and we're moving to take over key Bank and the other Banks now because they're all hammered on each other and it's making it possible. Invasion Force is Departed the first wave is around 200 septillion ships they say it's a precursor. The second wave is prepping very fast and be ready in a few minutes... It is starting up momentarily. The second wave is now moving. They're leaving the foreign countries and the ground troops have not moved yet and actually waiting and they're ammassimg more. The third wave of vessels are almost ready to leave. They're stuffing the stuff in there really fast and it's ordinance and guns and ammo and several ships caught on fire and the signal is about to go up and they're half ready and I'm moving fast I'm talking about postponing the signal it'll be ready about 10 minutes and they're really moving fast.

Several other things are happening here today and theyre going on all the time. And no they're not normal several people are screaming our son's name and were arrested people side and they actually shut up it's a weird scene and it's the warlock and they say they're acting and we actually believe it we've seen it before and they do it and other people who are running around circles with towels in the head in the street saying that we're being invaded and we're the ones doing it and they fall over some of them dead from heart attacks from being too excited. And it's going on all over punta Gorda and Port Charlotte . It's a massive invasion force. This force of people is comprised of mostly morlock 90%, the rest are people who are stupid injured disfigured most of them are Max but they have been tortured or the brains are not right and a small percentage I just looked at as warlock and they grab people and hold them hostage until they're useless and that's who's with them they hate them very much and right now they're setting fires to the ships that are on shore so they're leaving and they're probably 80% full and they lost 20% of their ships odd number and there's more of them that are killing them at sea and their Max and they said it's too many and you get to go and really 10% is a big number. The molar catching wind to it and are killing them off and we estimate to be left with 70% of their ships. You're coming this way in moments it's a huge invasion force. All the ships have Departed and the steaming here fast it's about 4,000 5,000 MI and they're going about 200 miles an hour so in 10 hours will be halfway there and it's true. It's happening on all coasts and they did not take down the tower the tower is not fighting them because as far too many in the recalled all the ships there's only like 200 billion for the whole array and leave you wiped out pretty quick and now it makes sense our son and daughter say that this invasion Force happens it's probably deleted and that the ships can't get through the semi-automatis defense grid and they figured it out and that makes sense. And they're fighting each other for real in the movie and they're really out to lunch I guess that's how they destroy the towers cuz they actually hit it from empire ship.

So The invasion force is amassing in the Alaska and Mexico and the islands are teaming with rebels and they're getting ships and everything ready in the Gulf huge numbers of them.

There are many ships that will speed up throughout the night and will probably go about 400 mph that's still 5 hours before the first wave hits and that's midnight and they'll be in range around 10:00 p.m. and they may go up to that point and wait that's 1,000 miles off and usually they do and the seeking spaceships now and their forces are gathering more at the Bering straits and they're making it wider and they are also gathering in Mexico and South America and the Yucatan and it's getting bigger about 90,000 octillion by the time they're done answer results of a holocaust. It's a result of them being killed because of the branches at the banks and it's a very high number in the United States and they're reduced here by half in one day and that's what's bringing them The invasion force is humongous it's far too large and it's far too prompt and everybody's going to bring weapons to bear. So flock of birds flying by and they should not be able to sense it yet but they've seen ships go by all day so they're cleaning together in fear because they have seen what happens and ships went by into the Gulf all afternoon and their Mac ships and they are defending against the ships that come out of the rivers

Thor Freya

[wordsmithic]

Can't wait for the new version of the Goddess Persephone in the western pop culture to now be whatever Madeline Miller writes next 🤢 (And Demeter will probably be villainized again, as the user in the next screenshot says)

After the "Persephone went down on her own" and "Persephone is, in fact, Inanna" ignorant takes, we will now have - most likely - another version of "Persephone was actually a victim of Demeter and/or Patriarchy and is a symbol of victimhood".

Guys!!! This Is Not How Myths Work or Meant To Be Interpreted. The genre in which she writes, "Mythological realism", is stupid and the media on such stories rarely remains respectful. Most people not from the US or Australia will tell you that when it comes to our ancient myths! So many things can go wrong when writing things like that if you are not aware of the thin line between respect and disrespect in the culture you are writing about.

Plus, it's not even needed, because the ancient texts already cover Persephone's feelings on the matter. How afraid she was, how stressful this was for her, and later how she is depicted as a ferocious queen, having adjusted to her new role. The material is there!!! In fact, we have more insight into Persephone's psyche about the abduction than we have for Hades.

Madeline is well-read on historical details but she can't seem to grasp the social aspect of the myths, the context in which they were created, and how people of the Hellenic/Greek culture have viewed them for our whole history. She only cares about catering to her primarily modern American audience (although the books are distributed elsewhere, too) and their sensitivities.

She wrote important characters from our myths as rapists and/or rape victims as literary devices while something like that was not mentioned in our ancient texts. And that is only one of the outrageous things in her works. For her Persephone book, she will insert unnecessary drama like the rest of her stories and at the end, we will read a Big Moral Message unrelated to what the myth represents.

Yeeey Miller, teach us how to interpret our myths, we must have been doing it wrong for centuries........ "But it's my interpretation", she will say after villainizing and victimizing characters who didn't have these experiences in mythology. Yes, that's what people who don't know how to Study Myths say.

First of all, who the heck asked you. Imagine her taking a Chinese ancient folk story and being like "yeah, I made this character a serial rapist but it's my interpretation of the myth!" 🤢

We don't need anyone to "interpret" the myths when they already mean something and have been interpreted a thousand times according to ancient context. You are not adding anything to the discussion that Greeks or others have missed! (I am saying this because she and the US American media act like she is revolutionary for how people see Greek mythology or something.)

Secondly, you are extremely famous so it's not just you writing a fic that a thousand people will read. Your book is distributed almost globally (in Greece, too, translated), so your "interpretation" will soon be commented on in famous articles and interviews as groundbreaking and soon become the new western pop culture reference for this Goddess. (Tumblr posts and Lore Olympus were also the root of this. Now imagine the effect of a globally best seller book)

You will laugh your way to the bank and we Greeks we'll have to deal with the consequences of yet another inaccurate portrayal of Persephone that people on the internet can parrot until the sun swallows us all. We must repeat the same things about our heritage again and again, and people still don't understand and insist they know better. People who won't research further will now have another pass to shit on Zeus, Demeter, and goodness knows who else. People get heated about loathing literal gods/mythological figures and send threats to anyone who disagrees with them!

Judging from her previous works, this one will follow the same trends. I mean, that's why her people buy Miller's books and her brand is built on that. She is not going to change things now. And I am just so sad and tired! The way famous writers from the US and Australia misappropriate our myths makes me wish we'd never passed them on 😢

- p.s. don't touch this post if you're are going to comment "who cares", "the gods are fake", "let people have fun" etc.

1) I care and it's a heritage my ancestors kept as best as they could, mythology is important to me and I don't need your permission to get passionate about it, I just had enough entitlement from people who have PJO level of knowledge and superficial respect. If this post is not your cup of tea just skip it. I am not here to debate the importance of myths

2) even if you don't believe in the gods, this doesn't make them any less worthy of respect as important heritage figures

3) people can have creative fun but writers with great influence should be careful, especially if they have degrees on the matter and should know better!

[miss-smutty]

Forbidden - Chapter 2

Summary- Jess couldn't stop thinking about the guy she'd met in the coffee shop, he was drop dead gorgeous, mature and everything she's always wanted but how would she find him again when she didn't even know his name?

Word count- 3.1K

Pairing- Prof!Chris Hemsworth x OC

Warnings- Swearing, slight smut talk

18+ only!

Disclaimer: This is an entire work of fiction/AU and has no affiliation to real life what so ever! This is a fictional story about fictional characters who happen to share names and faces with some real people.

Posted: 13th August 2021

Taglist:- @innerpaperexpertcloud @pandaxnienke @chickensarentcheap @jjpogueprincess @longlostinanotherworld @mostly-marvel-musings @darklydeliciousdesires @monet-belle

Chapter 1

The only thing was, he didn't know I was only twenty and I had no way of finding him again.

If fate did bring us back together, would he mind that I was still a student? That I couldn't even drink when we went on dates? 

Who am I kidding? Of course he would mind, he could get any woman he wanted, why would he want me?

"Morning, you feeling any better?" Ellie was awake before me as usual, she spent hours getting ready in the morning and was now sat at her desk finishing her make up.

"I suppose, can't beat myself up forever can I?" I was more the get up and go kind of girl, I could never understand why she'd take hours getting ready just to go to class but I suppose you never know who you're going to bump into.

"No you can not. Not when there's literally thousands of guys here to take your pick of." 

"Psh!" I finally pull myself out of bed after thinking about the thought of possibly bumping into my hunk again I changed my mind about making myself a little more presentable.

"What d'ya mean psh?" Ellie turns to look at you, her mascara wand in her hand and only one eye made up, she looked ridiculous. How could you take her seriously looking like that? 

"I mean I'm not interested in these childish boys anymore El, I want a man." 

"Fuck me, you spoke to the guy for two minutes and already you're acting like you've lost the love of your life." Wow, that hurt a little.

"I didn't say I was talking about him although it would be nice. I just meant I'm sick of playing all these childish games and never knowing where I stand. Don't you get sick of being the one who always falls deeper? Getting messed about and then being the one who's left hurt?" I joined her at the desk, putting on a little mascara and eyeliner. "I want a man who knows what he wants and treats me better. Don't you?"

"Well shit, when you put it like that I can't argue with you. It would be nice, hey I wonder if Mr Aussie has a brother?" She waggles her eyebrows at me, making me laugh. "I gotta go babe, what class you got?" 

"My first Comms class this morning." I did not sound excited at the prospect because I really wasn't. I'd put it off in freshman and sophomore years but thought I better get it over and done with before my senior year.

"Oh really? I didn't know you'd taken that class. I heard a load of seniors talking the other day and apparently the Professor is drop dead gorgeous. I was thinking about taking it up too just to see what all the fuss was about." 

"Well that should make the class a lot more interesting, maybe it isn't going to be as bad as I thought."

"See, every cloud and all that. See you tonight, fancy the bar?" She shouts over her shoulder as she walks towards the door.

"Sounds good, see you later."

I looked over my outfit I'd already chosen for the day, just some jeans and a plain t-shirt and realised it wouldn't do. Not when there's the prospect of a hot Professor to impress. My wardrobe desperately needed an update, especially now I was focused on finding myself a man and not one of these easily pleased college boys, that were happy with anything as long as I showed a bit of leg and tits. I settled with some tight black jeans with a black, lace-rimmed, cami body suit and a cute little cream, cropped blazer to finish it off. It made me feel confident when I checked myself out in the mirror and if I do say so myself I looked smoking hot. I checked the time on my phone, realising I was going to be late I quickly ran the curling tongs through the ends of my long blonde hair before grabbing my bag and rushing out of the door.

In the hopes of catching the eye of this new professor I'd completely forgotten about the hottie from the coffee shop, which was probably a good thing, it's not like I'm ever going to see him again. I kind of wished I would though, especially when I was looking and feeling this great but hey, on to bigger and better prospects.

I thought that being late would mean I'd be stuck with a lame choice of desk in class but luckily the back row was practically empty and I could hide in the corner of the lecture theatre. I laughed to myself when I realised that practically all the girls were occupying the front desks, obviously they'd heard the rumours too.

I pushed my hair behind my ears and fumbled in my bag for my pen and notepad, when I glanced to the door and caught the eyes of a student I hadn't seen before. I couldn't deny how attractive he was, with his bright blue eyes and floppy hair, oh and that smile. Wow! He smiled brightly at me as he made his way to the back of the class, his eyes glinting, shining like diamonds as he ignored the whispers from the girls at the front. The whole row of desks were free so when he chose the desk right next to me, my stomach fluttered.

I kept my eyes on my notepad, doodling on the front cover so as to avoid that eye contact with him again. I could see a cheeky glint in his eyes and I'd learnt from experience what that meant, trouble. I wasn't ready to get myself back into a situation like that again.

My eyes shot to the front as I heard the room erupt into wolf whistles, the girls at the front giggling and whispering to each other, I rolled my eyes at them, how embarrassing. 

Then I realised what all the fuss was about and my heart almost stopped beating, thudding against my chest at an alarming rate. How is this even possible? How the fuck could he be a professor? Surely he's not old enough. Oh fuck.

I sank lower in my chair, willing the ground to just swallow me up or maybe if I got low enough I would escape his notice. No such luck, his eyes scanned the class and when they fell on mine, his face lit up with anger? No not anger. A hunger. His eyes scanned my body, falling over my hair and down to my cleavage. I felt hot under his gaze, was I blushing? Sweating? Oh god, I've never wished for class to be over so much in my life.

My professor was the guy I'd been shamelessly flirting with in the coffee shop. I don't understand how this could be real, I know I wanted to bump into him again but this is such a cruel twist of fate. I'd never even suspected him to be a professor, he was so damn thick and muscly. The clothes he wore were so stylish and he looked way too young to be a professor. He must be so embarrassed that he'd been flirting with a student, I definitely was embarrassed that I'd been flirting with a professor.

I was so panicked, I didn't have a clue what to do in this situation. Squirming in my seat, trying to look anywhere but at the Professor but I could feel his eyes on me as he prepared for the class to start. People were still whispering amongst themselves and I risked a glance in his direction, that made me bite on to my lip to stop myself from screeching. His eyes were still on me, subtly glancing up from the pile of paper he'd just taken out of his bag, his eyebrows furrowed as he studied me. He certainly didn't look embarrassed infact he looked downright feral and the thought of it made my pussy clench, so much so I had to cross my legs under the table.

"I guess you're obsessed with this new Professor too, huh?" The guy next to me leant across his desk to whisper and fuck me if I wasn't imagining it but he was Australian too. Like have we just suddenly had a huge delivery of hot Australian guys arrive at the University? This was just downright unfair, how was I meant to cope?

"No, what makes you say that?" Why did I ask that question? Like it wasn't obvious how much I was sweating and squirming in my seat. Luckily he didn't have time to answer when my eyes were drawn back to the professor as he stood at the front of the class with his hands casually in his pockets and cleared his throat to get our attention.

If I wasn't mistaken, now he looked angry, the muscles in his neck more prominent as he glared between me and the guy next to me.

Was he angry that my attention had been taken away from him and was on another guy? Or because we were talking when we should've been paying attention?

"Now I've got your attention, we're going to use our first session to get to know each other a little better. You'll be doing quite a lot of speeches so it's best if you feel comfortable with one another. I'll start by introducing myself." That sexy accent makes me sweat even more, nevermind the fact that his eyes keep finding their way back to me. "So, I'm Professor Hemsworth and I'm originally from Melbourne in Australia." His eyes meet mine again, a knowing look in them.

"G'day mate." Some idiot from the back shouted, making everyone laugh and I couldn't help but join in a little. Professor Hemsworth smiled at the joke, his eyes creasing in the corners and his smile growing wider when he looked to me and saw me giggling.

"Yeah, very original. Alright, alight, settle down now." His voice is so commanding and authoritive, it's such a turn on. "So, I haven't been here for very long and I'm still getting used to how different things are here. The weather for one." He earned a couple of laughs from people. I couldn't keep my eyes off of him, he was so mesmerizing. The way his face animated as he spoke, his eyebrows raising and lips curling.

"I was going to ask you all to go easy on me but that's not going to happen is it?" He got a couple of head shakes and sympathetic looks from the girls. "No, I thought not. Well now it's my turn to torture you. I'll start alphabetically, stand up and tell everyone something about yourself." I swallowed back my fear, this is the reason I'd put off this class until now and as if it wasn't hard enough talking in front of a whole class I now had to do it in front of Professor Hemsworth too.

"Claire Abbott." Fuck. He'd started, at least my name would be one of the last ones.

"Hi I'm Claire." The tall blonde at the front stood up, twirling her hair around her finger and giggling like a child. I rolled my eyes at her and caught the Professor smirk in my direction. "I erm… I don't know what to say?" She looks up at the Professor questioningly.

"Just anything about yourself that we might find interesting, the first thing that comes to mind." He replied.

"Well I own four horses and I'm the cheer captain." I rolled my eyes again, scoffing quietly and Professor Hemsworth had to hold in a laugh as he looked in my direction.

"Talk about predictable." The guy next to me leaned over to whisper to me again.

"Totally." I laughed back at him and when I looked back at the Professor he was glaring straight at us again, his face set sternly.

"You two at the back, we'll wait for you shall we?" Professor Hemsworth said sternly, everyone turned around to look at us but I barely noticed, I was too focused on the way his stern voice made my cunt flutter when he called me out.

I didn't speak for the rest of the class, although I had the urge to, just to hear the way his voice sounded when he was angry. I couldn't concentrate on what the other students were saying, too focused on watching the way the Professor's face changed everytime he looked my way, which was pretty often, to my suprise.

"Jake Hudson." In my peripheral, I saw the guy next to me stand and when he did, Professor Hemsworth's eyes narrowed.

"Hi I'm Jake." He pushed his hands in to his pockets cooly, glancing at me as he did. "I'm also from Australia." He looked at the professor slyly, a smirk forming on his lips, laughing at the other students shouting G'day mate. "I was forced to move here but I'm glad I did because I've just met the most beautiful girl I've ever seen." The class burst into rounds of whistles and cheers as Jake sat down, smiling at me cockily. I could feel my cheeks blushing, I was flattered, he was absolutely gorgeous but hadn't I sworn of boys my own age?

Professor Hemsworth looked even more angry now as he loosened his tie a little, that black tie that draws my view down, like a arrow pointing straight to his cock. I tried to keep my eyes down on my desk, doodling in my notebook so I could avoid that hungry gaze, anxiously waiting for my turn. What the hell was I going to say?

"Jessica Watson." Shit. I stood slowly, trying to give myself more time to think, I couldn't stand everyone's eyes being on me especially the Professors and Jakes.

"Hey, I'm Jessica." I smiled nervously, tucking my hair behind my ear. "These last couple of days have been pretty eventful for me." I looked away from the chalk board so I could search Professor Hemsworth's face. "I'm living the life of a romance novels heroine and I'm excited to see what the next couple of days bring." I sat down keeping the gaze of the professor, I'd forgotten I was in a room full of people until I heard the ooh's and ahh's and my cheeks turned scarlet. The Professor's eyes glowed with heat as he watched me sit down before shaking his head and turning back to the class. Jake also caught my eye as I sat back at my desk, my cheeks still burning, he smiled at me, the kind of smile that crinkles your eyes. I felt kind of bad that he probably thought I was talking about him when in fact I was talking about our professor.

"I hope we all feel a bit more comfortable with each other now, some of you shared some pretty revealing things." He looked at me again. "Some of you, not so much." He raised his eyebrows at a group of guys. "I'll have a schedule for you all next time I see you, anybody that has any questions can see me after class, everyone else is free to leave." His eyes scanned me as he turned around to sit at his desk, I watched a couple of girls approach him predictably.

"Are you going to the party at our frat this weekend?" I had to reluctantly pull my eyes away from the Professor while Jake spoke, so he was a Alpha Kappa, not surprising really.

"Yeah, I think so. My roommate mentioned it."

"Oh good, I'll see you there then. Jessica." He smiled, standing from his seat.

"Jess." I corrected him. I hated being called Jessica, it was so formal.

"Well Jess, I'll see you around." He winked at me as he pulled his backpack on to his shoulder.

There were still a couple of girls taking up the Professor's attention and I wasn't sure yet whether I wanted to sneak past or wait to speak to him. I thought about it for a minute my fingertips drumming against my desk when the girls left and he was alone. As soon as the door closed, his gaze was on me and I could hear the silence in the room like a ringing in my ears. We stayed like that for a couple of seconds, staring at each other, no one saying a word until her cleared his throat. I blinked a couple of times, realising how stupid I must look before getting up from my seat and packing my things away.

"Did you need to talk Miss Watson?" I could hear amusement in his voice as he sat back on his desk casually, his arms folded across his chest.

"I erm…" I walked towards him, my legs feeling like jelly all of sudden and trying not to fall down the stairs. "I wanted to apologise, I had no idea you were a Professor." I said as I reached the bottom of the stairs, I didn't know what to do with myself but I was nervous about getting closer to him. He made the atmosphere feel tense, like if I was to reach out and touch him I would burn my fingers so I stood awkwardly at the bottom of the steps.

"There's no need to apologise Miss Watson, I also had no idea you were a student but I was hoping to bump into you again. Funny how things work out isn't it?" He cocked his eyebrow at me, still looking amused as he watched me squirm. When he said he'd been hoping to bump into me again it made me feel more confident, like I wasn't imagining the way he'd been looking at me for the last hour.

"I think fate can be rather cruel Professor Hemsworth." I smiled at him as I finally closed the distance between us, watching his eyes flare with hunger when I called him Professor.

"Oh really? Why is that Miss Watson?" His eyes narrowed, his Adams apple bobbing in his throat as I got close enough to touch him, I didn't though. I didn't dare break that boundary, not yet.

I smiled at him through my lashes, biting on to my lip. "I was hoping to bump into you again too, only now the thought of what could've happened will have to remain a fantasy." Wow! I was not expecting that, did I sound like a slut? Shit. I looked back up at him and caught him gulp, that hunger in his eyes shining, his pupils blown with lust, he loosened his tie even more and I caught a glimpse of his smooth chest and chickened out. The tension was way too much and I was about to do something I was going to regret, I could live with being a huge tease instead.

"I better get to my next class, we can't have anyone thinking I'm your favourite now can we?" I smiled to myself when I noticed the muscles in his jaw tense as he ground his teeth together. Turning to leave I looked back over my shoulder and his eyes were glued to my hips, watching them sway as I walked and I realised I had him exactly where I wanted him but was it worth the risk?

[apenapaperandadoofus]

Aight so here's all the april fool endings and my reaction bc why not

First if all, yes lol, MC telling V that Australia doesn't EXIST AND THAT THE EARTH IS FLAT AHHSHS and him going like "oh honey, oh honey no...."

THIS ONE WAS ADORABLE! MC told Jumin that it's a middle class custom to treat people the opposite of how you feel in april fool's so he began acting cold and stuff and then he felt bad and just- AH BABY

Now in this one we put the bike thing to max (so it's harder to pedal) AND WE LEARN THAT V HAS FUCKING ✨TICC ASS TIGHS ✨ LIKE??? you cannot to tell me he can do all that and not have dem nice ass tighs 👀

We all know the Jumin rapping one, and I love it

Petition for Jumin to start rapping 24/7

THIS ONE IS MY FAVORITE LMAO

So we give Saeran some chocolates we "made" but they're really really bitter but our child eats them all any way, and then he just sends us a message going ✨your cooking sucks bitch next time use an actual recipe you dumb FU-" 😊💕😊

IN THIS ONE WE GET TO LIVE WITH SEVEN YAYY (but I think as a furry? So uh- 😬)

In this one we give Saeran a venus fly trap and basically it grows a lot and becomes super possessive of Saeran but like?? Same Capitan Alligator I completely understand the need to have this boy all for yourself

IN THIS ONE YOOSUNG BECOMES A ZOMBIE AND I- 😭

You cannot tell me these two people aren't fully in love and committed, they are fucking living like a married couple and I LIVE for it, YES BITCH

And then in this one Zen gets so jealous he becomes hulk ajsbsbsb HONEY ARE YOU OK??

The ones I didn't say just didn't catch my eye, although there was one where we stopped being friends with Jaehee and that hurt T^T

[peachyteabuck]

come water me ☂

summary: after years of depending on science to give you a child, you think giving a magic a shot isn’t a half-bad idea (a commission for @myhoneybeeheart) 

pairing: steve rogers x thor odinson x reader (established steve rogers x reader)

words: 3,538

trigger warnings: infertility, MMF threesomes, creampies, praise kink, breeding kink, cuckolding, angst if you squint but like REALLY squint. REALLY REALLY squint. 

ask box / masterlist / commission info / ko-fi

You and Steve had both done every test known to every male and female fertility specialist in the United States, along with several European countries, Japan, China, and Australia. Every single one, for each of you, pointed to the same thing – infertility.

Persistent infertility. As in, the both of you are not only infertile, but will continue to be infertile despite any type of treatments any type of doctor wants to put you through. Steve doesn’t qualify for experimental treatments, and you’ve tried at least five to no avail.

Long story short, neither of you can have biological children.

The problem is, you both really want biological children. But, according to biology, it just isn’t going to happen.

“Science says so,” the last doctor had told you, voice full of apology. “I’m so sorry.”

That particularly heartbreaking appointment was in the late afternoon, but the battery of tests meant you and your husband were stuck in the shitty doctor’s office until long past when the sun had set. You were grateful how dark it was when you left, terrified some Captain America stan or paparazzi would get a high definition picture of both you with puffy faces along with snot and stray tears still running down your face. It was late when you got back to your secluded high rise, neither of you hungry nor willing to feign it enough to order something. You didn’t know about Steve, but the sadness had somehow overwhelmed every single one of your senses – making your taste buds pointless and limbs numb. Silently, the both of you got ready for bed and held each other as emotional exhaustion acted as a second weighted blanket and lulled you both to sleep.

It was the next morning when you thought of what you had dubbed “the plan.” You had gotten up before Steve (unusual, as you’d been together long enough that wallowing in self pity was a shared activity) and sat at the kitchen table with unbrushed teeth, messy hair, and the sort of determination that comes with a self-reflexive ultimatum: if “the plan” didn’t work, you’d stop trying. You’d tell Steve that you’ve come to terms with your inability to conceive and continue your journey to start from the assumption that there was nothing either of you could do to make it happen. It’s a heartbreaking reality, but it was one you were willing to accept.

It took a few days to work up the courage, to find the right time to broach the idea with the man you chose to spend the rest of your life with. The perfect moment ended up being when you were both eating dinner, Steve telling a story about something ridiculous Peter had done on a mission (turns out, flirting with a fellow agent undercover as a full service sex worker is not a good idea). You were both happy, incredibly so, and you knew whenever your husband talked about the kid it ignited the special light inside of him that wanted to be a father.

It was the tail end of the story, he was two beers down (a special mix Tony had concocted that balanced with Steve’s serum-induced metabolism), and he was happy. So with a deep inhale and sustained eye contact, you rambled with your prepared speech that covered a few of concerns you knew Steve would have and informed him of your personal deal.

You finished quickly – words tumbling out of your mouth before you knew they were being spoken. Your heart beat loudly in your chest, blood rushed to your ears. You were terrified.

That was, until Steve gave his reply a few hours later.

(He asked if he could table the conversation for a little while, wanting to “think it over.” Of course you told him it was okay, especially since you knew there was dessert still waiting to be eaten in the fridge, and you were still very hungry.)

You imagined a lot of responses from your husband, the worst of which sounded like the beginning of a particularly sad Shonda Rhimes television show:

“You want to what?” Steve nearly screams. “You want to invite Thor Odinson in our marriage bed so that we can have a child!? No! I won’t allow it!”

You fall to the ground, sobbing, clutching your phone as you scream back. “I want what’s best for us! For our family! For our future child!”

Steve storms out of the bedroom, turning back to your crumbled figure just before stomping out. “I’m calling a divorce lawyer. I want you out by Monday.”

You expected you’d have to convince him, would have to coax his clenched jaw towards your face so he’d know how serious you are from the look in your eyes. Maybe you’d have to wait days, weeks, months before he’d agree, would have to have long conversations with him and his colleague about negotiations and boundaries and whatever else.  

What you didn’t expect was for Steve to agree not only immediately, but enthusiastically.

“T-that’s it?” you asked. You both were in bed, reading separate books before you’d each turn off the lights and go to sleep. He was reading something about battle tactics during Vietnam while you were thumbing through a book about the history of swearing.

Steve did not look up from his novel. “You want to have a threesome with Thor in the hopes it’ll give us a baby?”

You looked to him, brow furrowed. “Yeah?”

Now he puts the book down and turns to you. “The worst thing that happens is we have sex with a literal deity?”

At first you think he’s joking but, nope. He’s serious.

“Uh, yeah,” you reply again.

Steve shrugs before going back to his book. “Then yeah, but you have to call him.”

You blink a few times – shocked. Pleasantly shocked, but still shocked. “That’s…a deal. Yeah. I can, I’ll talk to him.”

Steve smiles, turning back to you once more and giving you a peck on the cheek. “Sounds good, babe. Let me know what he says.”

You nod, still a little surprised. “O-of course.”

With that, the conversation ends, and you need to figure out how to contact the man in question.

The next morning, you learn from the detailed calendar Tony’s assistant keeps that Thor’s on Migard for the rest of the month, doing…whatever. Honestly, you have no idea what he’s doing, and – even more honestly – you don’t care. Short of saving an entire population from destruction, you’re sure he can make time for you.

Luckily you find him easily, watching some reality show about weird white people in the living room of a common floor. You take deep breaths for stepping into eyeshot, asking if you can sit next to him (he says yes) before you start what is likely the most uncomfortable conversation of your life.

Somehow, though, Thor beats you to it. “If you want me to help you and Steve conceive, just tell me the date and time you want me in your bed.”

Even more so than when Steve accepted your recent proposal, you’re surprised by Thor’s forwardness. “Um-“

Thor smiles, putting a comforting arm around your shoulders before pulling you close against him. “Listen, I’ve done this with many families on many planets. I’ve never done it on Earth, but I’m willing to give it a try for you two. You deserve a child, and I’d be happy to help with that.”

You wipe a stray tear before allowing yourself to be enveloped into Thor’s massive arms. “Thank you,” you tell him after your heart had stopped beating at your ribs as if they were boxers going for the championship title. “Thank you so much.”

You feel Thor smile against the side of your head. “Of course, anything for you.”

You return to Steve with your findings, who agrees to set it up for the next night. The few hours before the mythical man is scheduled to arrive are an otherworldly combination, as if you had put giddy excitement, gut-wrenching fear, and determined optimism in a Nutribullet with bananas and strawberries and vanilla Greek yogurt and served it with-

“Honey, he said we both have to eat before,” Steve pulls the breaks on your train of thought, nudging your plate of food towards you with a small smile.  “I’ve known you for long enough to know what you overthinking and forgetting to eat looks like.”

You nod and sigh, biting into the seasoned steamed vegetables. “Sorry, I-“

Steve shakes his head, swallowing whatever from his plate he was chewing. “I’ve also known you long enough to not need you to explain. Just eat.”

He’s right, you think as you clear your plate. You’ve known Steve for over a decade, dating for nine of them and married for seven. He met you through Natasha, who knew you from your work as a professor studying the differing effects of veterans and civilians (how she found you is still a mystery) and invited you to a conference that Stark was funding and therefore required the Avengers to make an appearance. He knew everything about you, and you knew everything about him.

For the first time in a long time, you wonder whether that’s a good thing, or a bad one.

When Thor arrives, he directs the two of you with ease, accepting a glass of expensive red wine as he follows you to the expansive bedroom.

He makes you strip first, tells you to lay in the center of the bed with your legs spread over the end and arms at your side. Steve’s next, already half-hard as he takes his position by your head, on his knees so he can watch the show in front of you. He’s naked, erection hard against his chiseled stomach.

“You’re so beautiful,” you tell him, blissed out before anything had ever begun.

He smiles down at you, same look in his eye the same day you got married. “You, too babe.”

Thor lets you have the moment as he undresses himself, letting you wrap a hand around Steve’s cock as he slots himself between your legs.

“Mm,” Thor hums, tracking your every move with a precise eye. “What a pretty cunt you have…”

A deep moan from you cuts him off as he kneels and licks a wide stripe up your dripping center, his large hands moving under your knees to bend your legs to your chest.

“Oh!” you cry, one of your hands moving to clutch his long blonde hair. “Oh that feels so good!”

You can feel Thor smiling into your folds as one of his perfectly calloused fingers slowly enters you, reveling in your now-mindless acceptance of pleasure. “So tight,” he moans. “Can’t wait to feel you around my cock.”

It doesn’t take long for your brain to fry, losing your ability to do anything but moan and sloppily jerk off your husband as Thor begins to fuck two fingers in and out of you at a bruising pace.

Steve watches you intensely, takes over jerking his own dick when you lose control of the muscles in your hands.

Thor scoffs, rolling his eyes you pout when his lips leave you.

“C’mon, love,” he murmurs into your inner thigh. “Don’t neglect the man.”

Nearly panting, you wrap your lips around Steve’s cock while Thor continues eating you out.

“Fuck you’re so good at this,” Steve hisses as you start to gag on him, running your tongue on the underside of his cock.

You do your best to smile as one hand moves to play with his balls, eyes screwing shut as you turn all your attention onto your husband’s cock.

“That feel good?” Thor asks, hand around the base of his cock. He grunts when Steve nods, his head thrown back in ecstasy. “C’mon, Stevie. Tell me how good your wife’s mouth feels on your dick.”

Steve swallows what little spit is left in his mouth before trying to remember how to speak. “It f-feels so good,” he’s breathless, chest straining as he tries not to come. “Wet and t-tight, the best thing I’ve ever felt.”

Thor grunts deep in his chest, as if he’s restraining himself. “Keeping going – and tell me when you’re about to cum.”

Steve moans when he hits the back of your throat, both hands now tangled in your hair. “F-feels so good, like she’s sucking the life out of me through my fucking dick- Oh fuck!”

You’re deep throating him now, breathing through your nose as you gag.

“T-Thor,” he moans, voice strained. “I-I think I’m-“

“Stop,” the man at the end of the bed commands as he continues fucking his fingers in and out of you. Reluctantly, you do as you’re told, ceasing all actions and giving Steve the most pitiful look you can muster.

“C’mere pretty girl,” Thor murmurs, leaving one last kiss at the most sensitive part of you. “It’s time for me to fuck you.”

You and Steve both moan deeply as he lifts himself to his feet and aligns himself with your center – hardened cock bobbing against his stomach. The sight is enough to make your center tighten, skin on fire as you wait for him to gift you reprieve.

“Such a perfect little pussy,” Thor mumbles to no one but himself, grinning wide as he enters you.

Little words are exchanged after that, Thor focusing on the feeling of your cunt instead of talking.

“Oh Thor-“ you moan, pulling away from Steve to throw your head back once more. “Oh shit holy-“

Thor just laughs, leaning down so he can kiss you. He places one hand next to your head for balance, the other moving to jerk Steve’s cock for you. His whole body works like a perfectly build machine, hips and hand working in tandem to get all three of you off. His movements are languid and purposeful, as if each muscle contraction and release was planned long, long ago in some expert fashion.

As Steve moans once again that he’s close, you remember what Thor had told you the day previous – that he had done this for other people attempting to build their families. In an instant, you were struck with the fear that this was somehow mechanical for him, something he was doing out of some sense of duty with half his brain focused on what he was going to have for dinner or what fruit was in season – something mundane and minutely distracting so he could phone it in and take the credit when the pregnancy test came back positive.  

Thor notices you’re drifting away, grabs you with one hand and coaxes your eyes to meet his. “Don’t worry about anything, baby,” he tells you, voice low in his chest. “Don’t worry, I’ve got you.”

It’s comforting – you can’t describe why, don’t even understand why; but even if you could, Steve’s begging cuts your train of thought short.

“Fuck please,” his voice is high and desperate, anything left of his precious Captain America façade torn to shreds by the possibility of denial. “Please let me come!”

Thor just shakes his head and smiles, putting him through the same torture as he did before but continuing fucking you – ignoring Steve’s cries as he rubs at your clit.

“Ignore him, baby,” he murmurs to you, “C’mon, focus on how good it’s gonna feel when I make you come.”

That’s all it takes for you to lose yourself, to throw your head back and buck your hips up and scream as loud as your exhausted lung will allow. At the last second before you reach your peak Thor moves away from you to grab the back of Steve’s head, pulling the man into a deep kiss.

“Fuck,” Thor groans against Steve’s lips. “Fuck you’re both so gorgeous I’m, fuck, I’m gonna-“

Thor releases himself inside of you with a deafening shout, moaning into Steve’s mouth as his come spills out of you. You’re speechless, watching them kiss above you while you pant.

For a moment there’s silence – the thick scent of sex and the wet sounds of their mouths and your pussy being the only things that fill the air. The only thing that cuts through it is Thor’s gruff voice instructing Steve to take his place between your legs.

The shuffling is awkward but gives you a minute to breathe, the clouds in your brain clearing with a few seconds of being left alone. Unlike Steve, Thor lays next to you on his side, one hand framing your jaw as he kisses you deeply.

Steve takes a moment to admire Thor’s cum dripping out of your pussy, resisting the urge to kneel down and lay his tongue there and drink it all down.

He swallows what little spit is left in his mouth as he enters you, body trembling as his eyes roll to the back of his head. The feeling of your pussy – though familiar – is sublime; mixed with the feeling of Thor’s cum inside of you makes him want to cry from the overwhelming pleasure.

He doesn’t, though, he somehow gets his brain and cock to reconnect so that he can fuck you despite his entire body screaming. You’re sensitive – if Steve couldn’t read your body language, your screaming moans and eyes screwed shut would tell him. It’s a precious thing to see you in such a feral state, to see you fucked out and desperate and begging to be pushed over the cliff again and again and again. You’re normally a very professional woman – always put together and well-spoken and knowledgeable in any subject necessary.  To see you incoherent, lost to the pleasure – it’s something special Steve is determined to remember for the rest of his days.

“Such a good boy,” Thor tells him when he notices Steve’s concentration fading. “You fuck your wife so well for me,” he turns to you, leaving a kiss at the corner of your panting mouth. “Doesn’t your husband fuck you so good?”

“Y-yes,” you reply after you take a second to process what he’s asking of you. “Steve’s so good at fucking a baby into me, makes me feel so good I, oh!”

Something in Steve snaps as he listens to Thor, elicits something primal that makes him dig his fingers into the pit of your pushed-up knees as he pounds into you without mercy.

“Gonna-“ Steve moans. “Gonna fuck our baby into you, gonna make sure everyone knows how good I fuck you, fuck!”

Thor just smiles all big and toothy, looking between your face and Steve’s. Just as confident as before, he trails the same hand as before between your breasts and down your stomach, rubbing at your sensitive nub once more.

“You can do it, baby,” he whispers to you, coaxing another orgasm out of you with skilled fingers. “You’re so beautiful, I want to watch you come again. You can do that, right? You can come again for me?”

You shake your head, too overwhelmed to form coherent sentences. “I, I- “

“Shh,” he trails his thumb – still soaked with your slick and his precum – “It’s okay, my little dove. You can do it once more for me and Steve. C’mon, you can do it with him, right?”

You don’t speak, don’t move, don’t do anything – too focused on the feeling of Thor next to you and Steve on top of you and Thor rubbing at your clit and Steve fucking your pussy and the warmed sheets between your fingers and the sweat pooling between your breasts and-

“Fuck!” Steve’s screams mirror your own internal monologue. “Fuck I’m-“

Thor uses the thumb that was just under your lip to grab Steve’s jaw, forcing their eyes to meet just as he had done many times before. “Come for me.”

You and Steve’s orgasms come at the same time, the both of you twitching as you fall slowly, deliriously, from the shared delicious high.

When the French coined folie a duex, you’d always assumed it was about some madness that happened to manifest in two people. But what is defined as “madness?” Could it be the sweet satisfaction that flows through each of your veins like gold? Could it be the vacant contentment behind Steve’s eyes? Could it be the vacant content behind yours?

Somehow, Thor maneuvers the two of you so that all three of you can lay there, out of breath and sweaty all over as each of you stares at separate spots on the ceiling.

You’re the one to break the silence, stuck between the two men in the center of the large bed. “Do you think it worked?”

Steve turns towards you, leaning on one arm while the other spreads itself over your stomach. “I think so.”

Thor turns over next, mirroring Steve’s position. Free hand, though, goes to cup your face, pulling you in for a quick peck on the lips before guiding you to Steve for a much deeper kiss.

“I think so, too,” the large man says eventually, watching as you and Steve remain locked together. He doesn’t think either of you can hear him, but he smiles at the softness on both of your faces nonetheless.

[onomonopetabread]

Declawing the Cat - Chapter 3

(Sorry it took so long guys, between testing and homework and executive functioning, I could NOT get this done. Anyways,

“Father, do I have to go?” Adrien asked for the hundredth time.

“Of course Adrien. I refuse to go on a business trip as important as this one without you. You’re my son.”

Felix rolled his eyes. He and his mother were visiting the two bachelors (against his actual will, obviously). Everyone in the room knew the real reason why Adrien had to go; he was the face of the brand, and it was common fashion knowledge that to go to such a high-ranking event without your leading model would get you shunned and cancelled. ‘You’re my son’ EVERYONE’S arse.

It was obvious that Adrien was all too aware of this fact, because he couldn’t seem to run out of excuses for why he couldn’t go.

Well, he could also not wish to go because of how brain-numbingly boring the whole affair is, and honestly, who could blame him? This year’s Annual Pre-Junior’s Fashion Competition Assembly was being held in Sydney, and all of the biggest names in the industry were going to attend. The assembly takes place over the course of two. Entire. Months. For what, not even the attendees know. Felix swears, these designers were as mad as a bag of ferrets.

I mean, if you’re into that sort of thing, like Miss I’m-all-that Ginger Breadhouse, you’d probably be in Seventh Heaven there, but if you were, how do you say, normal, you’d sell your soul to be another else. In fact, Felix could almost bet Chat Noir’s Miraculous that Adrien would sign that demonic contract in a heartbeat if that were an option.

“But Father, what about school? I’ll miss so much instruction-”

“Natalie will tutor you, just like she did before you attended that … institution.”

“And my fencing practice? Surely, you wouldn’t want me to miss out on those.”

“Adrien, are you suggesting that they don’t have fencing areas in Sydney?”

“No, I’m just saying that fencing without Kagami wouldn’t be the same…”

“Well, you aren’t going to be fencing with her forever, so think of this as a sample for the future. Now, no more of this arguing, Adrien. You are going to the Assembly and that’s final. Have I made myself clear?”

Adrien’s shoulders slumped in defeat and for a heartbeat, Felix felt sympathetic. “Yes, Father.”

“Good, now go pack some clothes you will need for the weeks. We won’t be at the events the entire time, so I will permit you to bring some of your own wardrobe. Please remember we will be there for a long time, so pack accordingly.”

And with that, they were all dismissed. Adrien trugged upstairs looking particularly peeved. He invited Felix to come with him, and Felix agreed, but only to keep up appearances. If he knew any better, Felix would have sworn that he heard him talking to someone on the way up, but he decided to ignore it; he couldn’t be bothered to guess what weird habits his wanker of a cousin had.

Once they got to Adrien’s room, Felix sat himself down at the piano while Adrien took out a suitcase from his closet and started choosing some informal clothing for when they were just doing day-to-day activities.

“Can you believe that he’s making me go, Felix?”

“Yes, I can believe it.”

“AND we have to leave tomorrow! I won’t even get the chance to say goodbye to our friends.

“Not to worry, cousin dearest. I’ll tell them for you. Anyways, don’t look at this trip as a burden, look at it as a new opportunity. You can gather information and resources for your friend Marinette.”

Adrien’s face brightened at the mention of his friend and Felix rolled his eyes when his back was turned. He swears, all it takes to cheer him up was to be reminded that Pigtails was alive and well somewhere on the planet.

“You’re right, Felix! This way I can help her pursue her dreams! I can’t wait until we get back to tell her everything I’ve learned about the industry.”

“...Can’t you just text or call her?”

“You mean with my phone?”

“No Adrien, I mean with a plastic banana you can buy at the baby store. Yes I mean your phone!”

Adrien paused in the middle of folding a t-shirt and packing it into a suitcase. “I didn’t tell you? Father confiscated it for ‘my own good’. He thinks I spend too much time around my friends and not enough time focusing on my studies, so it’s with him for the time being.”

Well, there goes Felix’s plan to pull a quick cell prank before Adrien leaves. “Adrien Bartholomew Agreste, is that resent I hear in your voice?”

“Yes, it is. I’m tired of responsibilities and having people depend on me every second that I breathe. That’s why I wanted to go to school in the first place; it gives me eight hours of non-Agreste related freedom.”

Felix narrowed his eyes. What did this boy know about responsibilities? All he had to do was play a keyboard, wave a stick around, and look pretty for pictures. Felix couldn’t understand how a job like that could burden someone so badly.

“Goodness, Adrien. You make it sound as though Uncle asks you to carry the weight of the entire ever-loving world on your shoulders.”

Adrien sighed. “That’s just how I feel, sometimes. Anyways, I think these are all of the casual clothing Father will let me take with me. Maybe if I’m lucky, he might not see the video game I hid under them all.”

The next day was a Saturday, so Felix the delivery boy was going to have to give the mega-twits the message at a later time. Today, it was all about acting as emotional as he could for the departure of his Cousin & Co. gabriel thought it would be a good idea for Felix and his mother to stop by the mansion every once in a while to make sure everything was all right, accounted for, and in the case of the house plants, watered. This was news to Felix. He doubted his uncle was even a living being, let alone the type of person to have plants in his home. Right now, they were standing next to the family limo. Natalie and gabriel were talking to Ape Man about transportation in Australia.

“Oh, darling Adrien, I’m so sad to see you go. We only just now got here, and you’re leaving. Why must the fates keep up apart?”

“It’s alright, Aunt Amilie. We’ll be back before you even realize we’re gone.”

“We? Oh, I wasn’t talking about your father, dear. I wouldn’t mind some time away from him. Anyways, I hope you have the best time in Australia. Bring something back for me, will you? I’ve always wanted to get a real boomerang, ever since I was a young girl.”

“I’ll be sure to get you the best boomerang in the country, Aunt A. What about you Felix? Do you want me to get you anything?”

Felix, who was standing some ways behind the others, pretended to ponder it over. “Bring me a friendship bracelet.”

“...A friendship bracelet?”

“If you can’t find one it’s okay I really don’t mind-”

“No, I’ll get you a bracelet. I was only surprised because you aren’t really the type to want one.”

He’s right- there was no way on Good Green Earth would he want some dingly little arts and crafts project. There also wasn’t any way that maybe he wanted his cousin thinking about him during his trip, that he wanted to envision Adrien getting something for him. Don’t even think about considering that Felix felt bad for him, dealing with the devil himself in a new place and wanting to give him something to do. Nope. Not a chance. Felix simply thought that Adrien would look hilarious running around Australia looking for beads and twine.

“...Just make sure you make me a good one, alright?”

Adrien smiled as though he could read right into Felix’s mind, and of course he had to look completely handsome in doing so. Stupid model. They practically had the same face and somehow Felix ended up looking like the off-brand knockoff.

“Adrien, we have to go now. The plane leaves in five hours,” gabriel said, entering the car.

“Why do we need to leave so soon?”

“So that I can buy fabrics with threads, gather all of my designs, double check with Natalie that the suite is still booked for us-”

“Alright, Father. I understand. Well, bye Felix. I’ll miss you.”

With that, he entered the limousine and the four of them drove away.

“Come Felix. Let’s go check the house for anything they might have accidentally left behind. We wouldn’t want them to leave something important,” said Amilie, still a little teary-eyed over the loss of her precious little baby nephew. She couldn’t stand the idea of being away from him for so long, even though his look-alike (her own bloody son) was right in front of her. Of course, Felix wasn’t bitter! Why wouldn’t ever say such a thing?

“Yes, Mother. Would you like me to check Adrien’s room?”

“Please, dear. Oh, look at you, watching over your cousin! And to think you said you wouldn’t like him!”

It was as though his mother never met him. Couldn’t she see that he was just trying to gain some sort of upper hand against Mr. Perfect or to uncover a secret of his? On the sunny side, at least he knows his facade is effective. He was beginning to worry that someone other than Blue-Eyed Phoenix Wright would figure him out.

Felix pushed open the door of Adrien’s room and immediately began to look around and turn things over. He was being extremely careful to make sure that everything he touched was put back in the place he got it from. After looking through his closet and library, however, he was disappointed to find that Adrien was actually as innocent as he seemed (and acted). In fact, the worst thing he could find was a disturbing amount of Ladybug memoria. It was a pity, really. Felix hadn’t blackmailed anyone in a long time, and he was beginning to get antsy. He turned around and headed out.

“Adrien, is that you? I thought you said you weren’t going to come back for another two months.”

Felix did a complete 180 and faced the source of the voice, which seemed to be some sort of floating cat-thing. It looked like a deer in headlights.

“You aren’t Adrien. Wait, are you okay, you seem to be swaying-?”

The thing was right; he was feeling woozy, and it didn’t take him that long to hit the floor, having fainted. The last thing he heard was the talking cat muttering,

“Shit.”

@myazael @2confused-2doanything @thecaptainthunder @thatonecroc @symwinter @mermaidreject @pink-and-bunny @kyrakitesong @your-number-one-second-choice @kayla0binow @hansa-12 @fc-studios @nom-the-king @thetrashypanda423 @chez-pezeater @supertomboyprincess @alyceeve @ceres-zephyr @swiftie-miraculer13 @justafanwarrior @marinettepotterandplagg @starlightshield @sandraf0612

[kjissexy1994]

WORDS OF SHAKESPEARE: The Return of a very Supa Occasion! (Special guest: Richard)

On the 19th of June 2021, my old friend, Maiwel alumni and acting veteran Richard and I went to the Supanova Comic and Gaming Convention at Sydney Olympic Park in Homebush Bay. The 2021 edition of Supanova was the first time in two years that it was held in Sydney as last year’s edition was called off due to “You Know What” alongside Adelaide, Brisbane and Perth.

To implement with the health and safety protocols, the layout of the convention was more smaller and laid out to comply with physical distancing measures as well as entering via a QR Code.

When I first entered the Dome Exhibition centre seeing all of the convention goers and Cosplayers of superheroes, sci-fi and anime. I kneeled down and proclaimed “HALLELUJAH!” as many of the convention fans from NSW were starved of a taste of a full-on convention since the world went upside down early last year (Outside of the smaller edition of Oz Comic Con titled OCC POP UP which was held earlier in March of this year).

Supanova contained a teeming amount of Cosplayers from DC Comics and Marvel Superheroes, Rick and Morty, Steven Universe, Star Wars, Ghostbusters, Doctor Who and Power Rangers, Cosplayers from anime such as My Hero Academia, JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure, Naruto and Disney films including Mary Poppins, Mulan and The Little Mermaid, Cosplayers from Video games including Overwatch, Pokémon, Super Mario, Sonic the Hedgehog, Street Fighter, Resident Evil, Mortal Kombat, Cyberpunk 2077, Final Fantasy, Sonic the Hedgehog and Undertale, Cosplayers from Web animations for instance including RWBY, Hazbin Hotel and Helluva Boss as well as various furry Cosplayers and cosplays of my childhood such as Pingu. There was also a very innovative cosplay such as an attendee dressed up as a giant functional Nintendo Game Boy System! The costumes looked absolutely well designed and spot on as I asked kindly for photos!

A number of RWBY fans and Cosplayers noticed me wearing Jaune’s Pumpkin Pete Hoodie. I must admit, I’d make a pretty good Jaune cosplayer if I could get his armour, his “Crocea Mors” sword and shield and dye my hair blonde!

There was also the Cosplay stage across from The Dome where there was a competition for the very best and innovative costume, as well as seminars of the bigger name Australian celebrities.

Speaking of the celebrities, Due to the international borders being closed until either the middle of next year or when the majority of the population of Australia is vaccinated, Supanova relied heavily on home grown talent from our country for example (but not limited to) Manu Bennett, David Wenham, Josh Lawson, Kodi Smit-McPhee, Georgia Haigh, Nicholas Hamilton and frequent Supanova Attendee, John Jarratt who is famous for portraying the infamously ominous and frightening Mick Taylor from the horror movie franchise “Wolf Creek.” I still remember being scared straight to high heaven watching the movie when I was very young due to Jarratt’s portrayal of the heinous horror character next to Bill Skarsgard’s portrayal of Pennywise the clown in Stephen King’s IT Chapters one and two, but alas Jarratt was a very generous and friendly larrikin!

There was a lot of great activities to do including the “Black Widow Obstacle Course” where you had to complete a number of tasks within the time limit in order to win a prize, Star Wars Lightsaber demonstrations and tutorials and the “Battlecry” LARP (live action role playing) battle displays and demonstrations where you could fight your friend or one of the friendly Battlecry veterans such as Sammy Owen from the recent Medibank Commercial with a rubber sword or axe. This was a very great debut for my LARPING alter ego, “Boar-Head: The Sworded Brawler” and I am very interested in joining a Battlecry LARP group in the future!

There was a very colourful display of artwork, comics and prints at the Artists Alley, with various comic book artists from across Australia such as (but not limited to) Queenie Chan of Fabled Kingdom, Anthony Christou of Luminous Ages and Camillo Di Pietrantonio famous for illustrating the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles IDW comics.

The Fabulous Wonder Mama also made a guest appearance as she is a superhero representing the LGBT Community.

The Artists Alley also had tables of independent artists selling comics, prints, bookmarks and badges available. Looking at the artwork made me feel like I was at an Art Museum for the fans of pop culture!

For those who want to spend some dough, there were also stalls selling new and vintage comics and trading cards, Pop Vinyl Figures, Animation cells from cartoons and movies of yesteryear, Action figures and gaming consoles from the eighties and nineties, LGBT pride flags, rock and metal band t shirts and apparel and Plushies from Japanese anime and video game franchises such as Pokémon and Digimon. There were also games to play such as Super Smash Bros Ultimate for the Nintendo Switch so fellow gamers can smash their friends out of the arena! For the con-loving geeks who were hungry, Dominos had a stall selling various flavours of pizzas and garlic bread and the canteens in the Sydney Olympic Park Dome sold fish and chips, bagels, sushi and coffee. Byron Beef Jerky also had a traditional stall selling all kinds of flavours such as Teriyaki, Chilli and the infamous “Devil’s Doo-Doo!” (Not for the faint hearted!)

Whilst Supanova Comic and Gaming Con in Sydney was a fun event for the inner nerds, parts of the con had to be completely modified and or removed in order to be healthy and safe for example, the discontinuation of handing out free goodie bags containing the guidebook and map of the layout of the con and other cool things making both the map and guide digital exclusive via the Supanova Website.

Another notable absence was the Australian Wrestling Federation wrestling ring where the pro wrestlers of the aforementioned promotion would host a series of three wrestling matches per day and the wrestlers would hand out free autographs, this really kind of hurt me as a fan of pro wrestling for sixteen years but it’s better to be safe than sick. At least the Battlecry LARP displays and demos filled in its place!

For the seminars, gone are the days of staff handing the microphone to the audience for the Q&A’s as they have to lineup behind the microphone in order to ask an interesting question to the guests.

I also didn’t like how some parts of the convention was a bit squashy when you first entered, in the artist’s alley and in some of the stalls. Like I said, we are in a receding health crisis and we need to wear masks, be physically distant, wash our hands and get the much needed vaccine shot against the you know what!

All in all, Supanova had a amazing return to full flight in Sydney despite the scare earlier in the week and the lack of International guests. I was starved of a full on convention throughout the year of misery last year and as a person on the autism spectrum, cons are such an amazing way to make new friends and to show out your inner geek, nerd,fanboy or whatever via cosplaying, gaming, greeting guests, purchasing artwork and so on and so forth all in a very safe measure!

I give this year’s Supanova in Sydney a 7 out of 10. This edition was absolutely different compared to last year’s and I have strong confidence that next year’s edition in Sydney and abroad will have well known and beloved international guests back to the much loved Comic and Gaming convention next year, just in time for Supanova’s 20th birthday!

Next time I am in Sydney, I will be going to the Vivid Festival which will be in August so stay tuned for that!

Happy trails!

K.J (Kane)