#not tagging all the exceeds lol

[wobubling]

Various fairy tail sketches (id in alt text)

[jeongheart]

super shy

summary: he's been receiving these letters for the past year but, he doesn't know your name, does he?

w.c: 7.1k.

tags: friends to lovers, fluff, slice of life.

a.n: this is the longest fic i ever written omg, i've been playing new jeans latest comeback for a few days and this is the result lol. as always, english is not my first language so sorry in advance for any mistakes. leave your thoughts if you liked it, means a lot!

It was there again.

Sitting immaculately on top of his messy folders, the envelope was white without any type of decoration, the owner of the cursive handwriting wouldn't even risk placing a sticker since it could give a clue, even minimal, about who was behind it.

The classroom was almost empty, since recess ended a few minutes ago and the students were still lazily getting up from the grass where they were lying, not wanting to lock themselves in a room again for hours while the day was shining beautifully outside the building.

However, Chan looked around him, narrowing his eyes as he scanned his classmates for the smallest trace of uneasiness as he took the envelope in his hands. But he didn't find any, unless the author had a master's degree in poker face no one around him seemed interested in what he was doing.

After the failed scrutiny, he sat down again with no care on the wooden bench, eager to read what that person had to say today. This excited feeling was new for him, the letters had been arriving about a year ago, right at the beginning of the new semester and at first, Chan found it funny. Surely one of his friends (he bet his life on either Seungmin or Minho, those two were always up to something no matter how much they said they weren't) found it fun to piss him off this year, after all, it has been a long time since his last relationship and sometimes he felt the need of affection, so the "joke" made perfect sense in his head.

He didn't read them the first few months, he just crumpled them up and kept them in a hidden place in his backpack, to let whoever was behind them know that he wasn't interested. But they kept coming even after that vile act against someone's real feelings; and that was when Chan began to question if there really was a person genuinely interested in him, interested enough to send him handwritten letters as if they were living in a classic romance novel. The person had a beautiful vocabulary, and it was clear that they paid attention to details that he didn't even noticed about himself.

The notes weren't very long since they didn't exceed ten lines, but each word was full of admiration and affection. They always reminded him to eat and take care of his health, in addition to telling him day by day one of the qualities why his mysterious person had fallen in love with him. Chan blushed every time he read those reasons, it was no secret (to himself, since he didn't like others to know) that he didn't think very highly of himself; from his point of view there was nothing nice or admirable about his existence. But this person believed just the opposite, and they had made their life's mission to let him know that every day.

Today was no exception, the lined sheets were a pastel color (pink? orange?) and had small animal decorations at the bottom and top (he noticed that these came in "groups", the representative animal of these last ten notes was a smiling giraffe). It was incredibly adorable, and Chan found himself laughing softly every time he took out the contents of the envelope.

'Mondays are always hard! Especially this time of year (can't the professors trust in me and my knowledge of things? I don't see the need for them to take a test).

Anyway, Channie, this weekend I found myself thinking a lot about you, every time I start writing my reasons I feel like I'm going to be left speechless but then I remember that it's not difficult at all to love you. So here is another one:

Your resilience, I greatly admire your ability to always get up no matter how many blows life throws at you. The vast majority of us feel discouraged by the slightest inconvenience, but not you. And that is something incredible.

I hope you have a beautiful start to the week, remember to eat your meals and feel the sun.

Fondly,'

And that's how all the letters ended, the author seemed to hesitate every time they traced the last line, he could feel the uncertainty even on the paper. Chan knew that they were shy and always wondered when they were going to stop being to finally sign with their name and be able to meet that person who stole his heart with every word.

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He was reading the note, hunched over his things, almost shielding the contents of the paper from the prying eyes of anyone who passed by him. You knew he was going to do it (he always did) but you couldn't stop your heart from racing like it was the first time it happened. You watched him from the hallway, hiding behind one of your textbooks while a silly smile appeared on your face, nothing made you happier than making him happy with your words, it's true what people say about "butterflies in the stomach" because that was what you were feeling right now.

His eyes crinkled in the most adorable way possible every time he smiled and from your spot in the hallway you could almost hear the sigh he let out after finishing reading the letter. After scanning his surroundings one last time, Chan placed the paper back into the envelope, and carefully placed it inside his notebook.

"You and your Shakespeare complex again" The sudden voice of your best friend so close made you jump in your place and drop the book you had in your hands. It hit the ground with a dull sound due to the thickness of its contents, and when you picked up the book again you turned around to face the figure of the perpetrator. He just laughed at you and your reaction, which earned him a closed-fist blow directly to his shoulder.

"You deserve it" You didn't even bother to return his reproachful gaze since he clearly felt like fighting, and instead, you returned your focus to Chan's classroom and his figure. He was no longer in his seat and you didn't want to look weird by leaning out the window door to look for him. So you sighed heavily and leaned your body against the wall while closing your eyes.

Until you felt Jeongin's presence come to your side "Are you going to tell him sometime?"

You didn't answer him.

Well, actually you did, with a growl that could mean either 'I'll do it today, stop bothering' or 'not even dead'. However, the blonde wasn't satisfied with your interpretation of an animal as a response and he began poking your ribs with his long fingers, drawing high-pitched sounds of protest from your lips.

"Stop it, Innie" You moved his hands away from your figure and stood firmly looking him in the eyes like a mother who is trying to discipline her misbehaving son. He crossed his arms with a satisfied smile crossing his face with foxlike features and, with a movement of his head, he invited you to speak.

"What do you want me to say? 'Hello Chan! It's me, the person who has been sending you letters like a fifteen-year-old for a year now. I've been in love with you since the moment I saw you at my best friend's house. Do you want to be my boyfriend?" You rolled your eyes tiredly and didn't wait for Jeongin to tell you what he thought, and so you started walking towards your classroom, with an exasperated five foot seven boy following closely behind you.

⋆｡ﾟ☁︎｡⋆｡

You still remembered the first time you'd seen him, and how couldn't you. His presence could illuminate even the darkest corner, and his personality attracted anyone around him.

It was the summer, and you'd gone to Jeongin's house to spend an afternoon together. The air conditioning in your apartment had broken two days ago, and you couldn't stand being in your room for another second, which was already beginning to feel like an industrial oven. When you arrived at your best friend's residence, you weren't surprised by the fact that there were more people than just the two of you. Jeongin was taking singing lessons at a nearby academy and had hit it off with some of his classmates; so while you didn't know them as well as he did, you had the chance to hang out with some of them a couple of times and you could say that they were the funniest guys you'd ever come across. Especially Hyunjin, who seemed to be like a glove with your best friend.

Jeongin's house felt cold, as if winter had come only for the Yang family and, although you shivered with every step you took towards the kitchen where voices could be heard, this felt like paradise compared to the hell you lived in your house (and you even thought it was cooler in hell).

Reaching the kitchen, you heard Hyunjin's melodious voice followed by his nasal, boisterous laughter at a comment Jeongin made. You shook your head laughing inwardly as you pushed the wooden door open to enter the space, the boys turning their heads in your direction as they heard the hinges snapping back into place.

Your best friend gave you his characteristic smile as he got up from his seat on one of the stools in front of the kitchen island to give you a small hug "I thought you weren't coming anymore!"

From Jeongin's shoulder you saw how Hyunjin gave you a smile and a wave, you tried to return the gesture as best you could considering that you were trapped in the arms of a boy who flatly stated that he didn't like hugs. It was getting long in your opinion, so you patted Jeongin on the back, letting him know that yes, you loved him very much, but you were still sticky with sweat from the walk in the sun and you didn't want to make him uncomfortable when he was so cool. When Jeongin let go of you, he opened his palm to introduce you to a person you hadn't seen before, "I hope you don't mind, that's Chan over there. He also goes to our academy, and he goes to university with us! Although he is a year ahead"

You smiled at Jeongin as you walked further into the kitchen to greet the new guest and in front of you stood one of the most attractive men you'd ever seen in your entire life. He wasn't very tall (you could tell even if he was sitting) but his broad shoulders gave him an intimidating presence, his hair looked messy in a swirl of brown curls, and although he was dressed from head to toe in black (you were sure his nails were painted that color too) on his face was a dimpled smile that took your breath away.

From one moment to the next you forgot how to articulate words and you felt like a fish opening and closing its mouth trying to find something to say, but your brain didn't seem to want to work.

You felt a small push on your right shoulder that took your body forward, towards the table, and towards Chan.

"How rude you are" Jeongin rolled his eyes, and although deep down you knew he was doing it to tease you, your cheeks turned red. You felt your tongue heavy in your mouth as the seconds passed and you were unable to utter a single word.

"Leave her alone, Innie. It's pretty hot outside, isn't it?" Chan's deep voice brought you out of your trance and forced you to look him in the eyes. He had a sincere smile on his face and was watching you with raised eyebrows, letting you know that he was going to listen to you when you wanted to respond.

Your heart did a complete turn in your chest, you were surprised in the best of ways at how friendly he was, the vast majority of boys with his attractiveness made that their only personality trait but he was attentive and considerate of all the people around him, even with complete strangers who hadn't stopped looking or saying anything to him in three minutes.

"Yes...yes, it's horrible! And the air conditioning in my house is broken and you can't imagine how hot it is! I feel like I'm going to die one of these days" The words came tumbling out of your mouth, since you hadn't had the time to stop and think about what exactly you wanted to say, and your nerves were playing the worst trick of your entire life.

Chan laughed again (even his laugh was pretty) and he nodded his head, not at all scared or surprised with the lexical vomit you just made.

"It must be like torture, really. You must be tired from the walk under the sun, why don't you sit down for a bit? The boys and I were planning to watch a movie" The brunette softly kicked one of the stools that were stored under the table in your direction.

You nodded shyly and took the seat he offered you, right in front of him. You left your phone on the cold marble of the table and looked around the kitchen for your best friend, you'd been surprised by the fact that he hadn't gotten into the conversation for five minutes and to be honest you desperately needed to focus on something other than Chan's penetrating gaze you felt on your face.

"Innie?" You called out to him with a small shout, loud enough for him to hear you even if he'd gone into the garden.

After a few seconds, your friend's blonde head peeked out of the left door that led to the living room, and a mischievous smile appeared on his face. "I'm sorry! Since you two were talking, we decided to go prepare things for the movie."

Jeongin paused and looked at you evilly, a look that you knew very well and that didn't give you a good feeling at all "Chan, why don't you prepare something to eat? I bought some snacks today, come when you have everything ready~" And before you could protest, he disappeared from your sight again while laughing and yelling something at Hyunjin.

You immediately tensed up and cursed Jeongin in your mind, how dare he leave you alone with your newfound crush. If he was getting revenge for the time you tried to play matchmaker and failed then he was being very childish, that'd been years ago!

While the insulting thoughts against your best friend and all his ancestors accumulated in your brain, from the corner of your eye you watched as Chan got up from his seat and went to the counter where the mentioned snacks and bowls of colors were located, apparently the prankster you called your best friend had already prepared the trap before you even arrived.

You didn't want to look weirder than you already felt so with your limbs shaking and making even the slightest of movements difficult; you also got up from your seat and slowly approached where Chan was, you stood next to him (close enough for him to know that you were willing to help but far enough not to invade his personal space).

He looked at you briefly and smiled sideways, and didn't say anything as he gently pushed a bowl towards you. The task wasn't very complicated per se, but it did become extremely difficult when the only thing you could focus on were the large, veiny hands of the boy next to you, you hadn't realized how attractive it was to see a man opening packets of potato chips and arranging them in a small container until now.

"Jeongin said we go to the same university, do you study the same as him?" You were startled by the sudden interruption of silence, you turned to look at Chan after finishing preparing the bowl with the nachos.

"Yes, I mean, no. We share some classes because some subjects are correlative in each one's career but I could never do the same as Innie" You smiled shyly and shook your head.

"I study psychology," You finally said and looked at your companion, who had his eyes open and bright like a puppy's (how could it be possible for a person to be incredibly attractive and adorable at the same time? It would have to be illegal), and you wondered what it was that'd amazed him so much, there were millions of other people studying the same thing as you.

Without meaning to, you raised an eyebrow; studying his reaction. He laughed again (it was something he loved to do, apparently) and turned his entire body towards you, resting his left hip against the counter and crossing his arms over his chest.

"That's incredible, the human mind is fascinating. I understand why you study that, for my part, I wouldn't read everything you have to read even if someone paid me."

You laughed loudly, infecting Chan as well. He was doing so with his whole body, his shoulders were shaking to the rhythm of his giggles and you could notice that, from time to time, a small squeak would appear in the sound of his laughter.

When the laughter died down, you looked at him again as you put the last bag of snacks in the cupboard in front of you.

"Yes, I mean, it's a lot to read but it's like you say. I'm interested in knowing the reason for behavior, and I would like to help people in the future. Mental health is something important" This last part came out in a whisper, you weren't used to revealing the reason for your career choice, most people told you that you should have chosen something that would make you rich in twenty years.

"That's incredible, I admire you a lot" Chan said in a soft voice, and you hadn't realized how close he'd gotten until you noticed the small touch of his fingers on your arm, the color quickly rose to your cheeks again and panic took over you, making you choke up when you spoke.

"Y-yes, thank you... not many think that way" And you moved your body away from his space; maybe a little abruptly but you were sure that if you continued in that position you were going to do or say something ridiculous, you couldn't trust your ability to reason at the moment.

Chan cleared his throat at your reaction and took two bowls in his hands, starting to walk towards the living room. You hadn't realized how loudly the other two boys were talking, were you so immersed in the situation to forget the outside world? Apparently yes.

"Are you done yet? The boys must be waiting" He stopped right in front of the door, waiting for you to take what you'd prepared.

You nodded softly, and after grabbing your preparations, you followed him into the living room.

You don't really remember what happened after that, you assume you watched the movies that the boys had already chosen before you arrived. You also don't remember if you had even paid attention, probably not, because you were very focused on keeping your breathing as normal as you could since unfortunately Hyunjin and Jeongin decided to each sit in an individual chair and by coincidence the only place left to sit was in the two-seat chair that your best friend's grandmother had given to his mother at her wedding, and conveniently Chan sat there too. So as the movie played on the screen, your heart raced with every accidental brush of your arms or legs against Chan's.

The only thing you remember clearly from that moment is that you couldn't help but look at his profile, trying to memorize every detail and every peculiarity of his expressions.

The rest of the summer felt like a haze, every time you made plans with Jeongin you knew Chan was going to be there. And that did nothing to dispel the feelings that were beginning to become more present with every minute you spent in his presence.

You liked him a little too much.

His kind nature and the way he treated everyone made you dizzy every time, but you were too shy to act on your feelings and unfortunately you weren't the only one who thought Chan was a good catch. Every now and then different girls approached him to ask him out, and although he always rejected them; you couldn't help but feel a little insecure about the situation. And there was also the small problem that he confessed to you one night in Hyunjin's garden: his last relationship had been somewhat toxic, and although it ended years ago, he was deeply hurt and didn't feel ready yet to fall for someone again.

That confession left a sour taste in your mouth, so you decided not to actively act on your feelings, you really didn't want to make Chan uncomfortable or force him into something he didn't want to do, let alone ruin the friendship you were building. But something as strong as love cannot be contained, and one sleepless night you found yourself scribbling in your notebook the things you wanted to say to him, the things you liked about him, and how he made you feel when you looked at him.

You weren't thinking when you left the first envelope on his desk, it was a completely impulsive decision that you regretted the moment you left his classroom. But when you turned around to go back and throw the letter into the trash, he already found it.

At first he didn't read them, you knew because you'd overheard when he mentioned it to Hyunjin during an outing the three of you made, Chan believed that one of his friends was playing a prank on him.

And that was the last straw that broke the camel's back, although you told yourself that you weren't going to write anymore letters for the sake of your friendship and your own feelings you had to let him know (even if anonymously) that he was someone worthy of love and that he wasn't what the people in his past made him believe he was.

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Once you arrived at the classroom (miraculously before the professor, you didn't think you could endure another lecture and there were still three more hours before leaving the university) you sat down in your respective seat by the window. The day was really beautiful, and from your place you could see the large patio where the entire student body went to relax between classes, it was your favorite place in the entire building and at this moment you wanted nothing more than to be leaning against a tree feeling the warm sunlight on your face.

"I'm not saying you have to tell him that but don't you think it's been too long already?" Jeongin didn't seem to want to drop the topic for today, he'd gotten up from his seat taking advantage of the fact that there was still no sign of the teacher and sat at your table, almost knocking all the things that were on top of it to the floor. You rested your head on the bench and waved a hand in the air, brushing it off in an attempt to say 'leave me alone already'.

Your best friend snorted exasperatedly, "You really are a special case, you've been in love with him for a year, for God's sake."

At the boy's aggressive tone of voice, you took your head off the table and looked at him with a frown. He looked back at you like he always did: challenging and forcing you to speak for yourself.

"It's not as easy as you say, Jeongin" You spat angrily.

"For all I know, if he finds out, he could throw my stupid letters in the trash and confessing would not only make me look weird but it would also ruin the friendship we have" You lowered your face, feeling a little sad "And the last thing I would like to do is lose him"

Jeongin’s expression softened as he realized the depth of your anxiety, and he reached out to place a reassuring hand on your shoulder. "I get it, I really do. You don't want to jeopardize what you have but you deserve happiness too, you know? Maybe it's time to take a risk."

“I don’t even think I have a chance” You sighed, feeling defeated.

Jeongin moved closer and lowered his voice conspiratorially, "You may have more possibilities than you think, but sometimes you have to give destiny a little push."

You raised an eyebrow at his choice of words and just as you were about to question him further, the professor made an appearance in the classroom ordering everyone to take their respective seats and apologizing for the delay. Your best friend flashed you a bright smile with his trademark dimples and snuck over to his table, effectively ending the conversation and leaving you wondering what he meant for the rest of the day.

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If Jeongin's plan was for you to not sleep for a week, then he'd achieved it. His words had been spinning through your head like a whirlpool that seemed to have no end. You knew that he'd been friends with the brunette for a longer time than you, but were they close enough that the youngest knew the secrets inside Chan's heart?

Or was he giving you the advice that all friends gave to their other friends desperate to believe in the illusion that the person they like reciprocates their feelings? No, Jeongin wouldn't do that, he was too honest for his own good and besides you'd known each other longer (your mothers said you were born to be friends). So did that mean there really was a chance?

No, of course not, that was ridiculous.

You shook your head in an attempt to get rid of those thoughts as you rang the doorbell at Hyunjin's house. Your group had agreed to meet to study and you needed to have a clear mind, the exams were around the corner and you couldn't afford to keep your brain preoccupied thinking about something that would never happen.

The minutes passed slowly as you waited for the homeowner, and while you were thinking about ringing the doorbell again fearing that the boys inside hadn't heard you, the door suddenly opened, and nothing could have prepared you to see the person who has been living rent free in your mind, you knew he would be there, but you didn't expect to face him so quickly.

"Hey, you arrived just in time, Hyunjin's mom just brought us some drinks" Chan was his usual self, with his beautiful smile plastered on his face and his relaxed attitude.

You blinked once, twice, three times before you managed a small forced smile and responded, "Oh, great, thanks," and you stood there in silence, unable to look him in the eyes.

Chan tilted his head in silent question at your attitude, "Is everything okay?"

His concern for your well-being was evident in his voice and he struck a chord in your heart. You looked at him briefly, meeting his gaze for a fleeting moment and nodded, still struggling to find your voice.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” You finally responded, trying to sound casual despite the jumble of emotions inside you.

Chan's friendly demeanor never wavered as he led you into the house, you followed him with a notable distance between your bodies and so when you arrived at the living room where the boys were already seated with open textbooks and a monstrous amount of things to eat you almost ran to sit next to Jeongin, an attitude that didn't go unnoticed by the blonde, who looked at you with his eyebrows raised in a telepathic question.

Meanwhile, Chan didn't take his eyes off you as he sat next to Hyunjin on the couch in front of where you and your best friend were.

The afternoon went by slowly, too slowly for your liking, you'd gone with all the desire to study and get your mind out of the anxiety that was consuming you, but that attempt had been futile.

Although your gaze remained glued to your notes and your blue highlighter (which hadn't highlighted anything in the last hour, you'd read the same paragraph five times without getting a clue of what it was trying to say) you felt how two eyes were burning holes in your figure. The room was suffocatingly silent, and you were sure that your irregular breathing was evident to the entire group; your nerves were so on edge that when your best friend's voice filled the void you almost jumped in your place.

"I'm tired, how about we take a break?"Jeongin raised his arms towards the ceiling, stretching his back and then collapsing gracelessly against the soft cushions of the sofa.

Hyunjin nodded while massaging his neck, stiff after so many hours of looking down at his notes and reading "I thought no one was going to say it, I was going crazy."

Chan didn't say anything, he just closed his notebooks and imitated Jeongin in his relaxed pose against the couch. You felt out of place when the boys started chatting about meaningless things to lighten the atmosphere.

You only nodded when you felt your input was necessary, or laughed when you thought that was the reaction you should have but you didn't speak, because in fact, you weren't sure you were going to say anything coherent or at least make your voice louder than a whisper, so you decided that the best course of action was to stay quiet.

If the boys noticed it, they didn't say anything, and you couldn't be more grateful for it.

"You know" Chan interrupted the laughter of the other two boys after a not-so-funny story told by Hyunjin.

Everyone focused their attention on him, the tone of voice he'd used was more serious than his usual; so serious that it forced you to look up for the first time since the recess began and you found Chan's brown eyes looking directly at you, doing it so intensely that you thought he was staring right into your soul.

You held your breath, but you weren't prepared for what he said next.

"My secret admirer hasn't written to me in a few days" He was still looking at you, but there was something strange hidden in his irises, something you couldn't decipher.

Silence once again took over Hyunjin's living room, and the tension could be cut with a knife, it almost seemed like time had stopped when the brunette pronounced the last syllable. Your mouth felt dry, and your palms began to sweat. The weight of his words floated in the air and a thousand thoughts passed through your mind, each one more disconcerting than the last.

Hyunjin snorted, and looked maliciously at Chan "Maybe they are tired of you."

His mocking comment broke the heavy silence like thunder. Jeongin joined in with a playful smile, taking the opportunity to tease Chan mercilessly. “Maybe your secret admirer found someone else,” he joked, his tone light and teasing, “Or maybe they are just playing hard to get.”

Your heart was pounding in your chest, wanting to burst while the boys laughed at Chan's expense while he, in response, rolled his eyes and smiled sarcastically at the jokes that his friends kept saying, he also looked at you from time to time making your discomfort even more evident.

You desperately searched for words to contribute to the conversation, your voice choked by the rising anxiety. But as Jeongin and Hyunjin's playful teasing continued, you remained silent, feeling like a bystander in a conversation that was becoming more cryptic by the second. Chan's gaze never left you, and despite the teasing, there was something in his eyes that betrayed a deeper understanding. His comment felt like a puzzle piece falling into place, yet you couldn't put your finger on what he truly knew.

As the laughter subsided, the room descended into an awkward silence once more, and then Chan finally spoke up, his tone more subdued than before. "Well, whoever it is," he began, his eyes still locked on yours, "I hope they know they've brightened my days with their letters."

The comment hung in the air, carrying a weight that seemed to pull everyone into its gravity. Jeongin and Hyunjin exchanged glances, their playful demeanor suddenly giving way to something more conspiracy.

You, on the other hand, felt an overwhelming mix of emotions. The anxiety that'd been building throughout the day reached a crescendo. You wanted to say something, to respond in some way, but the words caught in your throat.

Hyunjin broke the silence once more, this time with a touch of sincerity in his voice. "Whoever they are," he said, "they must really care about you, man." Jeongin nodded in agreement, and the room seemed to shift, it was a subtle transformation, but one that you couldn't help but notice.

Chan smiled, a genuine one that reached his eyes. "Yeah," he admitted, "They do mean a lot to me."

You desperately needed a moment to collect your thoughts and emotions after that serious conversation, so you mumbled something about getting a drink from the kitchen, excusing yourself with a weak smile and slowly, you retreated from the living room, the voices of the boys fading as you put some distance between you and the group.

In the dimly lit kitchen, you leaned against the countertop, your heart still racing from the tension in the room. The realization that Chan cherished those anonymous letters hit you like a ton of bricks. You'd never imagined how much they meant to him.

Just as you were lost in thought, the sound of footsteps behind you made you jump. You turned to find Chan standing there, a serious yet gentle expression on his face. His presence seemed to fill the room with warmth, and your anxiety ratcheted up another notch.

"Hey," he said softly, "You okay?"

You nodded, unable to form words an he took a step closer, his gaze never left yours.

Chan's brown eyes bore into yours, and for a moment, it felt like the world had frozen around you. You couldn't contain the thoughts racing through your mind any longer. With a trembling voice, you finally asked the question that'd been gnawing at you.

"Do you know who's been sending those letters?"

Chan's expression remained calm, but you could see a glimmer of something in his eyes, a hint of knowing. He didn't answer immediately, instead, he stepped closer, narrowing the distance between you.

His voice was soft as he replied, "I have a feeling I might have a clue."

Your heart pounded in your chest as you searched his face for more hints. What did he mean by 'a clue'? It was clear he was being deliberately vague, and it only added to your curiosity.

"But," he continued, "I'd like to hear it from you. Tell me, do you know who it is?"

You hesitated, the weight of the truth pressing down on you. The walls between you and Chan seemed to dissolve, and the vulnerability in his eyes was mirrored in your own. With a shaky breath, you summoned the courage to speak, your voice quivering with fear and anticipation.

"It's me."

The admission hung in the air, heavy and uncertain. You couldn't bring yourself to meet his gaze, your eyes locked on the floor as you waited for his reaction. The seconds felt like hours as you replayed all the letters, and the emotions you'd poured into them.

Chan's silence stretched, and the tension in the room became palpable. Your heart raced, and you feared the worst — rejection, awkwardness, or even laughter.

Then, he reached out, gently lifting your chin with his fingers, forcing you to look into his eyes. The warmth and kindness in his gaze melted away your fears.

"Thank you," he whispered, his voice soft and sincere. "I've cherished every single one."

As tears welled up in your eyes, Chan reached out to gently wipe them away with his thumb. He pulled you into a comforting embrace, holding you close as your emotions overwhelmed you. You couldn't hold back the tears any longer, and they flowed freely as you nestled into his embrace. He whispered soothing words, his voice a balm to your soul, reassuring you that everything would be okay.

After a moment of shared comfort, you pulled away slightly, looking up at him with curiosity. "But how did you know it was me?" you finally asked, your voice still trembling.

Chan smiled softly, brushing a strand of hair from your face, a knowing twinkle in his eye, and replied, "I had my suspicions, especially after some of the things you wrote. But what really gave it away was your handwriting."

You blinked in surprise.

Handwriting? You hadn't considered that, no, haven't even thought about it when you started this a year ago, and to be honest you felt a little dumb.

Chan continued, "I recognized your handwriting from a birthday card you gave me a while back. It was similar to the writing in the letters. And then, well, I saw you looking at me during our hangouts, and it all just started to make sense."

You blushed, feeling a mix of embarrassment and relief. It seemed like you'd left more clues than you thought. But instead of feeling exposed, you felt a strange sense of comfort knowing that he'd noticed your feelings all along.

With a shy smile, you said, "I guess I'm not very good at hiding my feelings, am I?"

Chan chuckled softly. "No, but that's okay. I'm glad you told me."

As you gazed into Chan's eyes, you noticed something change in his expression. The initial surprise and curiosity gave way to a more tender, understanding look. He cupped your face gently, his touch warm and reassuring.

"You know," he began softly, "I've always appreciated those letters. They made me feel special, like someone out there truly understood me. And I never wanted to pressure you into revealing yourself," Chan continued. "I wanted you to do it when you were ready."

"I was just afraid," you admitted, your voice barely above a whisper. "Afraid of what you might think, of how it might change things between us."

Chan's thumb traced small circles on your cheek as he reassured you, "Don't be. This doesn't change how I feel about what we have. If anything, it makes it even more special."

A tear escaped from the corner of your eye, but this time, it wasn't a tear of anxiety or fear. It was a tear of relief, of happiness. You leaned into Chan's touch, and he leaned closer, his eyes locked on yours, and before you knew it, his lips met yours in a soft, gentle kiss. The world seemed to melt away as your lips met his, you felt the warmth of his body against yours, and the sensation sent shivers down your spine. His hands cradled your face, holding you gently but firmly, as if he never wanted to let you go.

The taste of his lips was sweet and comforting, like a warm embrace on a cold winter's day, you could feel the steady beat of Chan's heart, matching the rhythm of your own. The world around you disappeared, and there was only the two of you.

And just as you were lost in that sweet moment, the kitchen door burst open, and in walked your friends, their playful banter filling the room while wearing grins so wide they threatened to split their faces. Jeongin couldn't help but tease you, waggling his eyebrows playfully. "Well, well, looks like someone finally got the courage to make a move!"

Hyunjin joined in with a mock-sympathetic tone. "And here we thought we'd have to wait another century for this to happen!"

You blushed furiously, pulling away from Chan who chuckled in amusement, still holding you close. "You guys have impeccable timing," he remarked, his voice laced with sarcasm.

Jeongin winked at you, "Hey! We're just glad we won't have to hear you two mooning over each other anymore."

[ask-the-rag-dolly]

♪ ~ a little rag dolly , wishing your worries away ~ ♪

please read the faq ! ( updated as of 4/9/2024 )

a part ask-blog , part comic where ragatha is infected with a sentient virus that can talk to her - and somehow that's the least concerning part in all of this ?

there's no right or wrong choices here but these all definitely look like wrong ones

[ while this is mostly not intended to be a horror comic , please be warned that this will contain content that can be seen as disturbing such as depictions of mental issues and breakdowns , illness , self-harm , suicidal and intrusive thoughts , scopophobia - and possibly more i haven't listed ! if these things get too distressing it's okay to click away , your mental wellbeing matters more ^^ ]

READ IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER , COOL !!

somehow doesn't work in mobile , please don't ask me i don't know how to fix it , blame tumblr idk lol

phase 1

phase 2

TAGS

[ asks ] / [ ask2 ] - main posts

[ ooc ] - misc. posts

[ INTERMISSION ] - surprise !

[ non-canon ] - non-canon asks

[ ESSAY WARNING ] - mod rambles

[ doodles ] - doodles from yours truly !

[ THE INFLUENCER ] - old t.i tag ! design was by @/raggedabstraction

tadc influence au - green ?????????

[ you just opened : pandora's box ! ] - an achievement i give to a select amount of asks that completely ran the plot into a tree and exploded it <3

[ animations ] - ... animations !

[ office lore ] - backstory that i don't think is pretty important to this story but people are somehow invested in it so here you go

[ more will be added ! ... if i figure it out ... ]

GUIDELINES AND BOUNDARIES

nooo inappropriate asks, please ! i will not hesitate to block you if you send one

my art is free to use ! use it for your icon , an edit , or even repost it ! my only condition really is to credit me (:

the only ship i'll lean towards is jesterdoll (pomni x ragatha) ! even then , it's not the main focus ( i prefer exploring more platonic dynamics honestly ! )

please be patient and do not take it personally if your ask doesn't get in , i am just one artist running this blog , not planning to get another mod , and i get a shitton of asks whenever i open the inbox . there is no 100% guarantee that your ask will get in

please do not dm me . i am not open for small talk . just take any questions or inquiries to the ask box if it's open . sorry but i will be ignoring any messages from this point on . it's nothing personal i am just severely mentally ill

magic anons are fine ! though note i will be very picky towards them and most likely won't accept any that exceeds 10 asks .

you can call me mod bee . for the sake of this blog , i go by she/her ^^ ( please don't bring up my main if you recognize my art style shfgsf )

[ guidelines are subject to change ~ ]

[ayyyez]

For whichever Naruto characters you'll get inspiration for: how do they think they would do babysitting vs how they actually do. Who'd be overconfident and fail miserably? Who would avoid it at all cost but turn out amazing? Who is bad with kids and knows it? Who'd be a supernanny?

A/N: oh yeah, sure thing my friend! These were fun to do. Thanks for sending in a request!

TAGS: babysitting headcanons, fluff, soft headcanons, hehes, gremlin Madara

CHARACTERS: Neji Hyuga, Shisui Uchiha, Shikamaru Nara, Madara Uchiha, Tobirama Senju

NEJI HYUGA: Okay so genin Neji would not be thrilled at the prospect of babysitting. He'd also be a little cocky thinking he'd have no problem wrangling a bunch of kids. He underestimates these trouble makers however and has a woeful time dealing with their "backtalking" and "incessant questioning of authority." That's him— he's the authority. Neji sweetie they're kids. Won't lose them though with his Byakugan and kind of scares them into behaving with his demeanour.

Teen/Adult (Jonin) Neji now is a lot more mellow and less harsh. He's going to be a lot softer and understanding. Is actually less confident with the task but does a lot better. Bends down to the kids level to talk to them. Treats them the same way he does adults in the way he talks to them but his tone his gentler. Is patient with their questions. Reads to them. Teaches them life lessons.

Don't tell anyone but he gives them piggybacks.

SHISUI UCHIHA: The best damn babysitter you could ask for and he knows it too. If you tell him though he'll get all bashful about it. He's so good with kids! Talks and plays with them like he is one. Being around kids helps him reset and forget his troubles. He can't help but want to protect them and their childhoods. Because of this just wants to show them the best time.

Kind of sneaky about the games he teaches. The games teach them strategy and how to think on their feet. Real world shinobi skills to help them learn how to hide and escape if they ever need it. Shisui also picks the littler kids up and zooms them around. Piggyback rides and races. Rolling down hills. Lots of laughter and fun.

Always letting the kids win and encouraging them when he can.

SHIKAMARU NARA: Doesn't matter when this is Shikamaru's always going to think it's going to be a drag babysitting. He's going to look for the easiest way to mind these kids. Think smarter not harder is his motto. Doesn't think he'll do a terrible job nor exceed expectations. He's there to tick a box. What he doesn't expect is to be kept amused by the kids. Having back and forth banter. The kids telling him "jokes" and stories.

Ha. So maybe babysitting isn't so bad. The kind of babysitter who is like 'Alright, I'll give you some treats if you don't tell your parents.' Totally has a secret pact with the kids. Teaches them all sorts of cool things. As long as they don't have to go anywhere or do anything too annoying.

The kind of babysitter the kids think are cool.

MADARA UCHIHA: Do not let this man babysit your kids. He's a terrible influence (affectionate). I don't mean big bad Madara either I just mean regular gremlin Madara. He's going to have your kids running wild and promoting their chaos. He has a complex where he both thinks he's the best babysitter in the world and thinks he's also going to fail big time.

Okay in all seriousness though he's good for kids who have a lot of energy and need to run around. He'll match their energy and do what they need to do to get all of that out. Won't bring any negativity to the table either. Just encourages them to go go go. And is behind them the entire time. Doesn't care about the mess either. Those kids want to roll around in mud? Alright mud fight it is. It's war baby. Takes those wargames very seriously. The kids call him sir and everything lol.

He encourages chaos in order to keep that watchful eye on them. He actually does an alright job.

TOBIRAMA SENJU: Great teacher. Terrible babysitter. Terrible with teensy children. Good with school level children in a teaching environment. But he just can't babysit. He's so bad with children that aren't his own or his students. He's just so awkward. You know how people hold toddlers like they're wild creatures with their arms completely stretched out in front of them? That's him holding them.

Everything becomes lectures when he talks to them and he's so theoretical and awkward at connecting and knows it. He honestly chooses to just not babysit.

I want to point out though he is really good at teaching children when they're his students. When they're old enough to somewhat take care of themselves and he just has to teach them the rest and theres time to make a connection—he can't explain it—it's just different. Like tweens he's good with tweens. Genuinely enjoys seeing the next generations flourish he just doesn't have those babysitting skills.

[aaagustd]

for the night | myg (behind the scenes) CANCELLED!

sevń/darklingjeon takes you behind the scenes of the oneshot For The Night. readers will have a peek inside the lives of the characters and have the opportunity to interact with them. your participation is highly anticipated, but before you press play, please check out the information below:

hi friends! our numbers were kind of low for this one (i didn't receive one ask actually lol) so i decided to end it early. sorry for the spam. i will brainstorm something better for next time. 💕💗

fic info:

➶ title: for the night

➶ pairing: drug lord!min yoongi x waitress!(f)reader

➶ genre/rating: angst, childhood best friends to strangers to friends??, unrequited love, valentine’s day au, smut, romance, 18+

➶ summary: Yoongi lives a dangerous life. So why is he so afraid of you?

➶ where to read: tumblr | ao3

index:

➶ prompts/scenarios of your choosing

➶ character asks

➶ recommendations for the playlist

➶ visuals/face claims/etc

meet the cast:

➶ yoongi

➶ reader/oc

➶ kaci

➶ shark

➶ hoseok

content disclaimer:

➶ all participants must be 18+

➶ please refrain from spamming

➶ prompts/scenarios are not story/drabble requests and will never exceed 100 words. keep your ideas short and simple.

timeline:

➶ reader submissions: feb. 20th - feb. 24th

➶ broadcast date: feb. 23rd - feb 25th

tracking tags:

➶ all answer asks: #ftn.completed

➶ ask my muse: #ftn.interview

➶ characters: #ftn.[character name]

➶ prompts/scenarios: #ftn.extras

➶ visuals: #ftn.aesthetics

➶ music recs: #ftn.soundtrack

credits: dividers | my masterlist | my inbox

[midnightelite]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love! ❤️

Hi Chie <3 thanks for the tag!! I'm so far removed from Tumblr so I have no clue who has or hasn't done this lol, but if you haven't done it and you want to, consider this me inviting you to participate!!

I haven't written in awhile, so all but one of these is older lolololol

Missed Meetings (Jily, T, WIP)

This multichapter has been incredible to write, and I've gotten to do it all with one of my best friends, and favorite people @magic-girl-in-a-muggle-world. Writing has never flowed so easily, and the characters and story we are creating I'm really proud of. I'm thankful for V, and she endlessly inspires me. Talking writing with her is my favorite thing!

Perfect Places (Hinny, E, Complete)

This is another one that I felt very proud of at the time of writing. I really loved how bittersweet it was, more leaning to sweet and in love.

And it was (Jily, E, Complete)

This was the first fic I was actually happy with how it turned out. It's a big tropey melting pot that was a lot of fun to explore.

Exceeds Expectations (fem!Jily, G, Complete)

This is just so cute and adorable. I love the tentative nature, and the new excitement that they feel in this.

Happy Endings (Jily, E, Complete) and You Obviously Cant Be Trusted On Your Feet (Hinny, E, Complete)

I'm counting these as 1, but i have a good reason!!! They were both written for a dear friend, HazzaP, and they're both just smitten smutty scenes. (newly engaged and newlywed respectively)

[unmellowyellowfellow]

writer tag game!! <3

tagged by @at-thezenith !!! thank you i loved these questions

1. what was the first piece of writing you did where you thought "wow I'd love to be a writer"? i wrote a silly lil fanfic about my favorite bass player and had more fun doing that than any other hobby i've ever had, and then i started to read pretty avidly to help me escape my reality and that made me finally decide to write; because i wanted to help others escape their own reality.

2. how do you gather inspiration for your works? (pinterest boards, writing prompts, etc) usually either from pinterest or dialogue prompts! but sometimes the right song on the radio will also inspire something:)

3. what genre is easiest to write? what's the hardest? why? fantasy is by far the easiest to me. you can create anything you want for whatever reason you want no matter how historically accurate or downright silly. i think that romance is the hardest to write (personally) because it is really hard to be able to convey a person being in love in words; the feeling exceeds words. also my relationships in the past were all VERY toxic so i keep a lot of my stories platonic so i don't project into my writing lol (which is fine to do! i just don't want to write and relive all my relationship trauma. maybe one day)

4. what does a typical day of writing look like for you? a LOT of pinterest, lots of music, i clean my entire house because i can't write in a dirty environment; i get all stressed about cleaning. i can usually push out 3,000 words per writing session in a pretty quick fashion because i work best without preparedness and just spit whatever comes out of my brain instead.

5. free space! ramble about a character you've most enjoyed writing about. i think that emilio is my current favorite to write about and build around. he is my first diverse character to put up front, and i am loving it. i am doing as much research as i can to be as accurate as possible. i haven't done someone diverse in lots of detail before because i've always felt very uneducated and did not want to risk being offensive or inconsiderate. i do feel like i've grown in my writing enough now though:) he's super goofy and very strong willed and needs to be protected because he is precious to me.

6. if you could pick the brains of one author, who would you pick and why? CATHERYNNE M. VALENTE. her writing is my BIGGEST inspiration. i love her details and her characters (Saturday from tgwcf is my BABY). i was just telling my fiancé last night that i would sell my kidneys to go to a writing class if she offered one. that woman is a god

7. what's one writing tip that has stuck in your head? my answer is pretty vague but LEARN TO WRITE LIKE YOU. writing rules are cool and all but they are made to be broken. there are books out there, BESTSELLERS, with run on sentences that go on for pages. people publish with millions of commas or semicolons. do not let the writing "rules" hold you back. your story deserves to be told the way you want to tell it!!

this is SUPERRR OPEN TAG!! but (no pressure) i'd love to tag @avi-why @anonymousfoz @leisoree @moonlitinks and @daisywords !!!!

here are your questions!!

1. spill. who is your favorite author, and why? and what book is your favorite of theirs?

2. which book have you read that you dislike the most? why?

3. which wip (current or past) is your absolute favorite that you've written/are writing?

4. have you written a series? if no, would you ever consider it?

5. what do you hope your readers will take away from your wips?

6. would you allow a movie adaption of your wip?

7. brag about your current wip!! :) (if no current, brag about your favorite one you've ever done! or both hehe)

[wreckingtickles]

For the ask game, how about Bakugou? I know you have him in your series, but who can ever get enough of wrecking this grouchy little shit?

I have so many ideas for him, and his story will be so packed that I wonder if I'll ever finish it lol This is so hard to respond to because my desire to wreck him exceeds my ability to come up with scenarios - and I can come up with a lot of them. Better yet, he'd deserve every single minute of it.

The other great thing about him is that you can toy with his pride so much. Everything is humiliating, both being ticklish/tickled and demanding that it stop because he can't take it, it's a fantastic catch 22 for his ego. His story will definitely include him being forced to say things that he regards as humiliating. And it's also so much fun past that point, when he's forced to divest himself what little pride he has left and just beg his lungs out even when he's not being tickled into doing that.

Right, a setup. And uh, I really can't choose! I'll leave cute and mushy things aside because so many other writers have written them, and have written them well. The same pretty much goes for dares, interrogations, and punishments. (But I am not sated. Not nearly sated.)

One funny thing I noticed is that when I think about Quirks in ticklish settings, it's always about how well they could be used on Bakugo specifically. So I enjoy the idea of him criticizing everyone's Quirk and then pretty much all of Class 1-A demonstrating how wrong he is by running him through a tickling gauntlet (fun fact, I was the anon who requested @intheticklecloset's "Versatile", hope she doesn't mind the tag), at the end of which lies Shoji. And then... it's Class 1-B's turn XD

This would be too OOC, unless Shindo snapped and mind-controlled everyone lol It could even be a day that no one in UA remembers except for Shindo and Bakugo, who looks strangely exhausted and bashful the next day.

But since I also enjoy twisting canon events, the LoV insisting that he release a public statement where he declares that the hero system is broken and he has joined the villains after kidnapping him, him refusing, and then tickling him (can't leave any marks!) until he agrees to record it would be golden. Like maybe Toga starts teasing him, and he has such an explosive reaction that her sadism is piqued and she starst legit tickling him (wondering if Izuku is ticklish too). The way he was bound, his armpits would be difficult to reach, and she can't skitter her nails across his belly too well, but his ribs are very easy to target. She even takes off his shirt to make it worse.

Either at Shigaraki's orders or because Bakugo is Todoroki's classmate, Dabi joins in next. But that's not enough and they're getting bored (Toga is planning to actually go after Izuku now), so they lift his arms over his head and now his entire upper body is ready for the taking too, and they leave extracting the video to Twice's clones.

With his whole upperbody getting it, Bakugo agrees to shoot the video, but he's actually lying, he just wanted the tickling to stop, and spits at the camera, so the clones resume, going after his thighs too and taking off his shoes and socks as well to get at his feet. Twice even hints that maybe this will be the video they release, not the confession, just to mess with him.

This time they don't stop when he gives in, they continue for a while longer to make it very clear he should not have messed with them. He records the message, but then the clones resume tickling him full-force as punishment for taking so long. Heck, maybe there are even Ohmus with sensitivity-enhancing Quirks in the basement...

[nottoxicfr]

Hi. so this is probs gonna be a long ask which i apologize for bc i'm a complete stranger LOL but i've been thinking about your dragon install concept since i saw it last night and i wanted to give you my full opinions on it bc i didn't want to blast your notifs with a wall of text in tags

so, for my personal thoughts (because i definitely think we have overlapping interests here esp since you brought up burning godzilla as an inspiration in that post and godzilla vs destoroyah is one of my favorite movies), i think if i were going to draft a scenario where sol is taken over by the FoC, i'd definitely lean into a more biological feeling, if that makes sense. my main hooks for this thought process are 1. while i can't speak on sin devil trigger bc i haven't played any devil may cry games, that is sort of what burning godzilla had going for it (and godzilla as a series hasn't been adverse to leaning into a more body horror adjacent focus with the king of the monsters, ie with shin godzilla) and 2. i think it makes a really interesting thematic parallel to justice. because obviously justice is like, she isn't a machine strictly but she does have a distinct bio-mechanical element to her, so i think its interesting to make a full gear sol go in the opposite direction and have a more visceral element to his design, if all that makes sense

if this comes off as like, rude or unsolicited at all i do sincerely apologize ^-^; bc i do like your concept a lot! i just have a lot of thoughts on this particular topic and i'm excited to see someone who's as interested in dragon install stuff as i am. peace up

Hey there! I don't get asks very often, so I'm pretty happy to be able to answer any of them.

I think you're right about a Full Gear Sol Badguy needing to lean into the biological features to contrast against Justice being so heavily bio-mechanically designed. She's a big Evangelion (which features beasts being bound in armor) reference in Xrd, whereas I think Sol should be something more like Godzilla or maybe Ultraman. A Kaiju, but depending on the circumstance I think he'd be designed with a more severe sense of horror (if he's a villain) or something a little more subtle (if he's still Sol). Either way, I think he leans into his Overture Dragon Install! Sort of like what you might get if you were to try and design an apex predator.

In the situation where Frederick becomes Justice, or whatever name you'd call him, I would think of a design that suggests that the fire is burning him from the inside out, which I guess is sort of body horror-esque? It would be inflicting a constant pain on his body, which would only serve to make him a more aggressive Command Gear, alongside being possessed by the Pope and blowing up Japan.

I did actually do a Sol-Justice swap once. I tried to make him look like a furnace being overrun by fire! His arms were made of fire. There's parts of that present in the Kaiju Sol too, because I have a tendency to design Sol's more monstrous forms like a physical shell being overwhelmed by its contents!

Admittedly, I'm not a Sol expert. Still, for someone like Sol who strives to keep his innards really far from the surface, something like that would be terrifying to experience. It's more important to be scary to him than it is to the "audience," I think.

"The Flame of Corruption exceeds even this physical vessel," is the description I think I used to describe the way fire explodes out of him, rather than just burning like a Charizard. Though, I should clarify and say the design isn't necessarily caused by the FoC overrunning Sol Badguy's human soul. He's still Frederick/Sol! He's just very on fire.

If I think about the Flame of Corruption as a sentient force influencing Frederick, then I think that the overlay of them would probably affect his psyche. However, if he keeps a cool head, then he'd be able to manage the form.

The design was influenced by the Kaiju fights in FFXVI, specifically Ifrit. At one point he fights a mountain! I thought to myself, "I wish Sol could have fought that giant form of Justice like that." I'd recommend looking up the fight, if you aren't saving the game for later. It's super cool, and if you like Dragon Installs, I think you'll see where the design comes from.

I really want a Guilty Gear Action Game while ArcSys is focusing on GG's franchise growth.

I'm glad to find people who enjoy Dragon Install! All my designs featuring Dragon Install designs do particularly well, so it's good to know we aren't alone.

Thank you for the ask!

[lyriumlullaby-ao3]

Last Line Game 🩵✨

goooood morning world! i was tagged by @alistairsprayerwarrior to post the last line of fic i wrote, then tag others if i want to!

so i went spelunking through my (obscenely massive) google folder where i keep all my wips, and bc i would have been SO SAD giving you just one or the other, you folks get both sides of the Miri/Solas and Miri/Cullen nonmonogamy relationship deal 💖

is this more than the prompt asked for?? yes, but i live to exceed expectations 😌✨

the working title of this fic is A Sword to Pierce the Sun, and this first bit is technically only the second most recent line i wrote, going by separate wips. it comes from what will likely be chapter 16 there, during the “ar lath, ma vhenan” scene in the Solas romance that i have… extended 😏 (this bit isn’t that spicy tho, don’t worry):

Taking a shaky breath, Miri nodded and let her hands fall away from her chest, reaching instead for Solas’ fingers against her face, his strong shoulder where he held himself up over her. His eyes darted immediately to the parts of her chest she’d been concealing, something flickering in his wide eyes as they traced the arc of twisted flesh from the end of her collarbone and down, curving above her left breast to where it ended at her sternum. For an instant, his brow furrowed and his lip curled into a snarl as his eyes flashed dangerously, but then it was gone again, so quickly Miri wondered if she’d really seen it at all. Solas leaned forward and brushed a slow series of tender kisses over the scar as his hands fell to her ribs once more, tugging her up against his mouth as he hummed in approval. Miri gasped, arching her back as the little growl he released sent sparks racing down her spine, making her belly clench pleasantly.

“You are perfect, vhenan. Scars and all,” he breathed, lips dancing over her skin and eliciting a pleasured gasp from Miri as she gripped more tightly at his shoulders.

(forgive me for giving y’all an entire small passage, but. i’m ~300k deep in this sucker and still not posting bc i am one of Those Writers that has to finish before i post a longfic and i am dying to share some of it lol)

okay, and then THIS one is the same longfic, but about twenty chapters later… i must be stopped lmao 😂 Cullen and Miri are in Ferelden, they have stopped at an inn for the night, and Miri woke with a nightmare. When requesting a somewhat unusual (read: spicy) means of comfort afterwards, she and Cullen talk about their trauma and difficulty with deciding what’s real, then some super fluffy smut ensues, ending with:

“Are you sure you’re not a Desire demon?” Cullen chuckled lightly, brushing Miri’s sleep- and sex-mussed hair from her flushed face.

“Hmmm,” Miri pretended to consider, biting her lip and forcing down a giggle at the heat that flashed through Cullen’s eyes as they fell to her mouth. “You tell me—you’re the one who was bitten by a wolf a week ago. Does that seem like something a Desire demon would conjure?”

Cullen hummed thoughtfully in response. “You make a good point… but perhaps that was all a ploy to get me out of my trousers?” He smirked at her, and Miri’s laughter turned to a little groan at the way his scar pulled as he did. Mythal ash suledin, she loved that scar.

“Perhaps,” she giggled, pressing another kiss to the silvery mark of the troubled past he’d left behind him.

“Well, I suppose we’ll simply have to find some way to be certain then,” Cullen rumbled, hands tightening on her hips again as a playful glint flashed through his eyes.

“You have something in mind?” Miri grinned, carding her fingers through his tousled curls.

With a little growl, he pulled Miri tighter to his chest once more and rolled over on top of her, making Miri squeal with laughter as his lips fell to her throat, rubbing his stubble over her sensitive skin and sucking a mark into her neck. “I’m sure we’ll think of something,” he grinned.

yes. these are both longer than a line. technically one of them wasn’t last. i don’t care. i love my daughterrrr she deserves these kisses and you reading these bits where she gets them 😂💖✨

i taggggg uhhh?? @broodwolf221 @kcwriter-blog @ruthvelyan (yeah i know you were already tagged but. tag me in your response if you do it bc i wanna seeeee 💖💖) andddd anybody else who wants an excuse to post a bit of their wip! i love reading about ppl’s ocs and their stories!! i just don’t know off the top of my head who’s a writer and who’s not 😅

(no pressure to do this unless you want to!)

[istumpysk]

I posted 6,125 times in 2022

That's 662 more posts than 2021!

1,173 posts created (19%)

4,952 posts reblogged (81%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@agentrouka-blog

@esther-dot

@aegor-bamfsteel

@catelynhightower

@ladyqueenofwinter

I tagged 1,977 of my posts in 2022

#stumpy ask - 890 posts

#anon - 711 posts

#operation stumpy re-read - 248 posts

#asos - 82 posts

#affc - 46 posts

#adwd - 40 posts

#jonsa - 34 posts

#please-dot - 31 posts

#lol - 29 posts

#sansa stark - 27 posts

Longest Tag: 108 characters

#i was wondering if the whole uncle killing a nephew thing might also be pointing to daenerys and her nephews

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Operation Stumpy Re-Read

ACOK: Daenerys IV (Chapter 48)

First and foremost, let me credit @shieldofrohan​ and @agentrouka-blog​ for helping guiding me through this. A lot of what you'll read are their ideas, and I would have been hopelessly lost without them.

@shieldofrohan​ is planning her own chapter analysis, and I'll be sure to include it here when it's finished, because I guarantee it will far exceed my own effort. Edit: It's here, and it's fabulous. Bravo!

Second, let me point you all towards @ladyqueenofwinter​'s two brilliants posts on the chapter transition preceding this one: here & here. Looking forward to her thoughts on the actual chapter, which I'll include when it's finished. Edit: Delivered! And worth the wait. :)

Alright, here we go.

ACOK: Daenerys IV (Chapter 48)

Long and low, without towers or windows, it coiled like a stone serpent through a grove of black-barked trees whose inky blue leaves made the stuff of the sorcerous drink the Qartheen called shade of the evening.

Hey look! Black bark, blue leaves -> the inverse of a weirwood tree. Not to mention that shade of the evening sounds a lot like weirwood paste to me.

What does it mean? Shit, I don't know, but I definitely wouldn't want to be Bran Stark's foil.

+.+.+

"When you enter, you will find yourself in a room with four doors: the one you have come through and three others. Take the door to your right. Each time, the door to your right. If you should come upon a stairwell, climb. Never go down, and never take any door but the first door to your right."

(...)

Dany raised the glass to her lips. The first sip tasted like ink and spoiled meat, foul, but when she swallowed it seemed to come to life within her. She could feel tendrils spreading through her chest, like fingers of fire coiling around her heart, and on her tongue was a taste like honey and anise and cream, like mother's milk and Drogo's seed, like red meat and hot blood and molten gold.

(...)

When they reached the door—a tall oval mouth, set in a wall fashioned in the likeness of a human face—the smallest dwarf Dany had ever seen was waiting on the threshold.

(...)

She found herself in a stone anteroom with four doors, one on each wall. With never a hesitation, she went to the door on her right and stepped through. The second room was a twin to the first. Again she turned to the right-hand door. When she pushed it open she faced yet another small antechamber with four doors.

(...)

The fourth room was oval rather than square and walled in worm-eaten wood in place of stone. Six passages led out from it in place of four. Dany chose the rightmost, and entered a long, dim, high-ceilinged hall.

(...)

The mold-eaten carpet under her feet had once been gorgeously colored, and whorls of gold could still be seen in the fabric, glinting broken amidst the faded grey and mottled green. What remained served to muffle her footfalls, but that was not all to the good. Dany could hear sounds within the walls, a faint scurrying and scrabbling that made her think of rats.

(...)

The long hall went on and on and on, with endless doors to her left and only torches to her right. She ran past more doors than she could count, closed doors and open ones, doors of wood and doors of iron, carved doors and plain ones, doors with pulls and doors with locks and doors with knockers.

(...)

Finally a great pair of bronze doors appeared to her left, grander than the rest. They swung open as she neared, and she had to stop and look. Beyond loomed a cavernous stone hall, the largest she had ever seen.

(...)

Could there be a secret door, a door I cannot see? Another torch went out. Another. The first door on the right, he said, always the first door on the right. The first door on the right . . .

It came to her suddenly. . . . is the last door on the left!

She flung herself through. Beyond was another small room with four doors. To the right she went, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right, and to the right, until she was dizzy and out of breath once more.

See the full post

135 notes - Posted January 21, 2022

#4

Ned, the man Who can't play the game, didn't trust LF at all. It took his beloved wife vouching for him to make Ned trust him.

Tyrion knows that LF framed him for Bran's attempted murder. He knows he is bankrupting the crown. Yet he sends him as an envoy to the Tyrells.

And they call him a smart man and good player of the game.

Sorry but no. Ned is better than Tyrion at the game.

Nothing you read below is exaggerated.

Ned doesn't trust Varys. Keeps his distance.

Tyrion doesn't trust Varys. Ignores that instinct, and puts entirely too much faith in him anyway.

x

Varys implicates Littlefinger in the murder of Jon Arryn. Ned's too slow to connect the dots.

Varys implicates Littlefinger in the murder of Ned Stark. Tyrion's too slow to connect the dots. Believes he's being complimented.

x

Ned believes Cersei and/or Jaime killed Jon Arryn. Wrong, but reasonable conclusion.

Tyrion believes Pycelle killed Jon Arryn. Wrong, dumbass.

x

At first, Ned can't see Cersei and Jaime are screwing. Manages to figure it out on his own.

At first, Tyrion can't see Cersei and Lancel are screwing. Needs to be told.

x

Ned sends away the Stark household guard at a time when he's extremely vulnerable.

Tyrion sends away the Lannister household guard in the middle of a war.

x

n/a

Must be included, because funny: Tyrion pays a sex worker to be his girlfriend. Despite ample evidence, he can't see he's nothing more than a client to her.

x

Ned sends Littlefinger to negotiate with the City Watch. Yikes.

Tyrion send Littlefinger to negotiate with the Tyrells. How stupid are you?

x

Varys warns Ned there’s a plot to kill Robert. He takes no action. Robert is murdered.

On several occasions Varys warns Tyrion that Joffrey could be killed. He takes no action. Joffrey is murdered. Tyrion will be the accused.

x

Ned doesn't like Littlefinger, begrudgingly accepts his help, because he doesn't know any better.

See the full post

140 notes - Posted February 20, 2022

#3

This is so funny.

She could feel her heart pounding. There was snow in her hair and her right shoe was missing. It must have fallen. She shuddered, and hugged the pillar tighter. - Sansa VII, ASOS

x

Irri slid the slippers onto Dany's feet. They were gilded leather, decorated with green freshwater pearls. Does the butcher king believe a pair of pretty slippers will win my hand? "King Cleon is most generous. You may thank him for his lovely gift." Lovely, but made for a child. Dany had small feet, yet the pointed slippers mashed her toes together. - Daenerys I, ADWD

👏 @agentrouka-blog

142 notes - Posted June 23, 2022

#2

Public Service Announcement

We have arrived at Daenerys IV, ACOK (Chapter 48), otherwise known as the House of the Undying chapter.

I regret to inform you, the likelihood of me posting the chapter summary on time is low. This might take several days.

I’ll do my best fam, but please, let’s keep expectations low. Lol

154 notes - Posted January 4, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

It wasn't fair. Sansa had everything.

- Sansa Antis

Haha.

Meanwhile, she's barely a warg, is the least connected to magic, has zero ability to fight or physically defend herself, has no survival skills in a natural environment, and she won't play the central role in stopping Daenerys or the Others (she gets the political Big Boss instead).

And you know what? Nobody cares. Nobody is trying to make Sansa Stark into something she's not.

170 notes - Posted June 26, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[magicalara]

The Story of Grelle the Reaper: A review by yours truly prt 3

Hello hello my lovely theorists (totally didn't steal that from matpat, I'm Em Gem)! Welcome to part 3 of my analyzation of The Story of Grelle the Reaper by the lovely and amazing @eemoo1o-animoo. If you haven't seen parts 1 and 2 where I go over the prelude and chapter 1, you can go here for the prelude and here for chapter 1! Fair warning, they're a mess. Even this is kinda a mess, but it's okay, we get through it.

I have been messaging with Ell throughout the majority of my analyzations so keep in mind that even in my works there are some little hints here and there, though nothing too groundbreaking. I am a reader myself so I don't know nor would want to know the whole story lol.

Do keep the trigger warnings for the story in its tags in mind, Section 2 deals with some heavy stuff from my own personal life and just with Grell/e in general, though I explain this more in the precursory paragraph to that section so you are warned beforehand. Enjoy!

Chapter 2 is out, it’s great, it hits me in the feelings so much and is just all around amazing. If you haven’t read it, go do so first because while I will still go though this analysis like I did previously where it’s side-by-side, the chapter needs to be read and soaked in first. There’s heavy ideals here, especially at the end so take the time to go through and read the chapter on its own and then come back over here. …You read it? Good, alright let’s get this show on the road then!

So this chapter is 6k words worth of happiness until it gets worse and isn’t happy anymore and then I start to tear up because Ell is mean /j. There isn’t really weather to comment on at the start here so I’m gonna take this time to correct myself on some things from my Chapter 1 analysis, specifically the pigs and hands.

So for Chapter 1, there’s a whole part where I talk about what pig’s blood means and I was completely wrong. So I’m gonna correct it now. In the Book of Circus episode that Ell referred me to, I overlooked Grelle calling Beast an “ugly old sow” as just a one-off thing when really that’s what I should have focused on. Calling a woman a “sow” is an insult and so when the word “sow” is used, it’s supposed to refer to an actual woman, not an actual pig. I think too literally sometimes and it leads to my demise and the destruction of my mind when everything clicks. At this point, I’d like to point you to the Prelude when Grelle has sow’s blood on her…yeah…my mind went SHSDJHAKA too. So now we know that Grellie is gonna go murder someone at some point right before she dies and I can’t tell if I’m excited for it or not.

The other thing was the hands that I had said in my Chapter 1 analysis I couldn’t get at 10 PM running on little sleep, but was later told to me to be like a comparison to show how big they are. It's a dysphoria thing. Because you know men are like “bigger” and he notices how big his hands are in comparison to hers so Grell don’t like it. 

Oh! Also the name Grell means bright like as in smart so when George and unnamed man who isn’t unnamed anymore says he takes after his name, it’s a compliment, they’re calling him smart. I think that’s all and if not, then you’ll hear about it in Chapter 3’s analysis.

In the last analysis, I did over six thousand words of paragraph analysis. I will do my best to not do that again. I’ve been suggested to try bullet points. I will be trying bullet points. If I exceed the word count of this chapter once again, I will…I don’t know I’ll do something (maybe finally do the next chapter of forever forgiveness that’d be nice huh) So let’s go on and see how bullet points go. This analysis will be broken down into two sections this time, mother/son bonding and The Mirror Scene™, fyi. Okay let’s go

Section 1: Mother/Son Bonding

Descriptions and cinematography

 This is just in general but I still wanna point it out, Ell has an amazing way of describing things that make the whole story cinematographic almost. I’m one of those people who can’t see pictures in their mind, like I think in words. When reading tsogtr, though, I can see it. It’s new for me, that’s why I’m pointing it out. Just while you’re reading, really take the time to imagine everything because, especially later like with The Mirror Scene™ I can see it and there’s like a whole movie playing in my head and I love it.

Small Room

This just adds to me the whole idea of Friedrich specifically viewing Grell as a child. You could argue that Hilary is the same way, but I think her viewing Grell as a child is more of in a motherly “that’s my baby; always has been, always will be” kind of way while Friedrich is more of a “he’s a child who needs to grow up” kind of way. The fact that Grell’s room is small isn’t just mentioned here, it’s also later on, but I’ll go into that later.

Bullying and Hilary’s kind words and gestures

Hilary loves her son, her baby, and I will say that to my grave. Her gestures and words give off so much warmth and love in this whole scene and it’s just so apparent. Rather than scolding Grell for forgetting things (like a certain someone might have), she sees that he’s upset and that something might have happened. She doesn’t demand it of him, she doesn’t get upset at his lack of words, she sees her child, her baby, struggling and wants to help. She knows of the bullying that was mentioned in the past, and she’s worried for Grell. Hilary’s patient with him, even while he’s stuttering out his words. She has probably always been a safe space for Grell and the way that she just sits with him and lets him take his time shows it so well.

“...as though a spectre was afoot.”

Well… it’s not a ghost…But it is a reaper! :D Okay sorry I’m not funny continuing

George and Keats

Authors huh. I don’t know which George this is about, I’m gonna go with Orwell because I hate Animal Farm but it’s ingrained into me thanks to high school. Keats, I’m gonna imagine him as the physical embodiment of Keats the snake because I think it’s funny. There’s no reason to mention this part of the commentary, I’m just putting it in because I can. George and Keats aren’t important and I’ll be thoroughly surprised if they show up again 

They are, in my mind, a form of “and they were roommates” because they’re always described as a pair. So yeah. And they were roommates. 

I think it’s a little interesting that the two stopped visiting as much after Grell was born. There’s reference to it and after better confirmation, I think it’s worth mentioning that Hilary is heavily alluded to having been a prostitute before Grell was born. With how George and Keats said that she was always a pleasure to see (and considering that Grell probably didn’t understand because I don’t think he knows), they most likely were…frequent employers…to our favorite momma. So once Grell was born, that would explain why they would only talk to Friedrich at the bar. They don’t see Hilary anymore because they’ve moved on and it’s probably awkward to see the accidental child that is Grell Sutcliff. 

Hilary throwing hands

Grell is very prone to overthinking to the point where his worries turn into little scenes that he sees in his head. He’s very anxious and the fact that this is something that’s happened twice in the same day really shows that. (Yes it is the same day, the talk with Friedrich from the beginning of the last chapter happened the morning of this day that’s here. The time is ambiguous, but I imagine that this conversation happens sometime between like 4-5 pm.)

Anyways, momma Hilary would 100% throw hands for Grell

“You know what I see?”

(This encompasses the parts from Grell explaining the roommates calling him like his father and beyond, I just used the quote because I liked it for this section of the section) We already know why Grell was uncomfortable and all, so all to right before the quote I put up there is just reaffirming it and showing how he invalidates his feelings, even to someone who clearly cares.

I think Hilary knows that Grell isn’t himself, not necessarily in a trans way but more in a I just need to show him that he isn’t his father and is his own person who needs more confidence kind of way. Either way, now starts my favorite scene in this whole chapter where Hilary’s just making Grell feel better and highlighting all of like his features in a way that she knows will make him feel better and I wanted to cry reading this. Anyways, she’s just making him feel better in that way that good mommas do with their kids. (Grell has green eyes idk how to insert this but he does and that might come up again once he isn’t a he anymore and really goes into that “damage cliff” stuff iykyk). She goes on and affirms that they’re “like dawn and dusk” and that they love him. As for her basically calling them two sides of the same coin, obviously Friedrich is gonna end up as a catalyst for Grell/e’s anger and I think that that can be seen as foreshadowing in a way for it.

Where did the fried egg (Friedrich; get it, fried egg, fried rich, eggs are expensive in the US right now among other things, eh, eh. It’s okay I’m not funny) go

He’s on a summons. In a noble’s manor. The next town over. Now I’m not saying that this will be important (that’s exactly what I’m saying) and it’s totally not because I know too much about the future of this story (I know a lot about the future of this story). Just. This is foreshadowing, just keep that in mind. The fried egg also told Hilary about Grell losing the job with fish and she’s plenty more supportive than the egg about it and shows as such by brushing over it and continuing on.

 “I’ve always believed the eyes were the windows to the soul. Everybody’s are different, darling.”

We have more foreshadowingggg. And also sadness. First, “eyes are the windows to the soul”, is a little ironic considering that Grell is about to lose his soul at some point soon. Second, “Everybody’s are different”, until you’ve killed yourself and are dead 🥰

Okay but no actually like it’s interesting that this is something that Hilary brings up, especially in a series where eyes mean so much both in tsogtr and kuro in general. Like demons have reddish tinted eyes and full on red when they’re in demon mode, reapers have the double green, Ciel has his demon contract in his eye. Eyes really do show the soul or lack thereof and while, yes, this is just a usual metaphor that’s been said for a long time and doesn’t have a literal meaning, but in this case it can be both and that’s interesting. 

Baby Grell

He was a little shit. At least in Friedrich’s pov he probably was. 

Also just imagine Grell as a naked ass child running around to not go into the bath like it’s just funny and adorable at the same time. I can imagine him doing it since he was baby baby and I don’t like kids but Grell can be the exception

✨ Makeup ✨

It’s a nice moment between them and one that gives me hope that Hilary will accept Grelle. Due to the time period, it’s still not a huge chance, but a chance nonetheless and I will hold on to it like my life depends on it. And Grell putting the lip paint on his mother makes it feel warmer too like it’s just a nice time.

Okay part 1 of Section 1 done. It’s shorter than I thought it was gonna be, so like, that’s a win for me. There wasn’t much to analyze here (there was another mention of pigs and they have become an arch enemy for me but it literally means nothing. eventually bees will join this list, but that’s to be talked about in another chapter). Oh yeah and I say part 1 because I combined two scenes into one section this is just my little interlude for it. Take a break, get some water, get a snack. Okay let’s continue.

Bread making

More wholesomeness. As a baker, this scene makes me very happy, especially because they made a competition out of it and I just folded at that. Someone come do this with me, we’ll make whatever sweets you want it doesn’t have to be bread I’ve made many things before so we can do it I’m open to literally anyone. Let’s make a platonic discord date out of it we can bake on call together. (That’s all mostly /j like unless we have open communication that’s just me being lonely)

 ANYWAYS THAT WAS A BIG DIGRESSION

She gave him a big smooch :( /pos I love them so much you have no idea Ell if you hurt Hilary I’ll stop analyzing this story /j 

I can’t say anything about Grell because we know where that’s going

Dancey Dance

I’m pretty sure “junge” means boy in German so Grell calling his mother that is funny to me because she probably doesn’t speak it either and so would never notice and it shows how bad he is at German despite his father calling him that in the morning. Silly Grell, it’s okay we’ll always love you. Edit: All of that is not as intended…there’s my interpretation but it isn’t meant to be like that it’s more the two making fun of Friedrich. So yeah.

More memories of dancey dancing but Hilary brings up how Grell’s grown up so fast. She says “You just loved me too much to leave” which, in context, is about how Grell was overdue in his birth, but is also just really making the foreshadowing about the inevitable really hurt more. This goes even further when she says how “the place would be empty without you.” Grell is the heart that’s kept Hilary going these years and she loves him just as much as he her, probably even moreso. Let’s be real here, Grell was not a baby who was created on purpose. Hilary was a prostitute, and a young one at that. She isn’t older than 45 which, if you do the math seeing as Grell is 27, means that she had him at MOST at 18. The estimated age is around 15-18. Friedrich is obviously older, having been probably around 21ish when Grell was born and is now in his late 40s (48-50). Grell was not made on purpose so for Hilary to have gone through with the pregnancy so young and immediately going on to marrying the man she had a baby with must have been a lot for her. It’s not like she would’ve had many options but to keep Grell but still. We all know the Circus arc, abandoning kids isn’t far off and she could’ve easily done the same. Grell kept her going and so when the inevitable Cliff Scene™, as I am now dubbing it, comes along, I know that I won’t be able to resist thinking about Hilary when she eventually learns of her baby’s death. End scene.

I said it didn’t I? I said I’d make things shorter. And I have delivered. (Future Em here: the whole thing is 4.5k words. Which technically is shorter so I do win ha) The thing is, now we’re on to the Mirror Scene. If you are reading both this and the story side by side, now is the time when I tell you to stop, go read the scene properly, and then come back. Trust me, you’ll need it. The Mirror Scene™ is one that’s full of heavy, heavy feelings and ideology that hit me hard. There are trigger warnings for nudity and dysphoria, and they should be taken into account before reading. This is an important scene towards setting up Grelle and will be coming back in the future. I am not transgender individual and so if I say something that is in bad taste or offensive, please do not hesitate to let me know. In this section, I also talk about my own struggles from being a kid and now with how I perceive myself, so be warned of that. It starts right after the paragraph about Grell turning the mirror around. If there is one thing I could ask of everyone, it’s to be kind to me about that part and if you don’t wanna see it, don’t read it. But let me talk about it for my own sake. With that being said:

Section 2: The Mirror Scene  

I’m going back to paragraphs, this isn’t a bullet point endeavor. So the scene opens and Grellie’s having a bath. We got the setup and we get a reiteration of how small Grell’s room is. Most importantly in this description is that where he bathes gives a direct path to his reflection. 

This reflection is the whole thing which sets up the scene. It’s generally something that happens to a lot of people where they become insecure at what they see in the mirror, whether because of just general insecurity pushed by beauty ideals, or something which takes root in the mind and festers and grows into something much worse. The latter of this is true for Grell. He perceives himself in his mind much differently from how he looks in real life. Grell isn’t the perfect self he sees in his mind. Again, this is something that a lot of people feel, but for him, it’s much deeper than that. He knows what he wants to see, the perfect self in his mind, however knows that that will never be him. Grell, in his mind, can never be the person who he always sees in himself, almost as if he’s locked away in a cage of who he is on the outside. The light might seem so close and the corners of the room he’s in are visible in the near pitch black, but it never gets closer nor further away. It’s a detachment from the mind yet also something that is ever present in the corners of it. This anxiety and these feelings are described as a God-given punishment and a “flesh-eating disease” in a fitting way which shows the internalized turmoil he feels from feeling this way. I asked Ell about Hilary not having aborted Grell and she had told me about how, before Grell, Hilary wasn’t as connected to religion but that after she is somewhat religious. Grell also says how he’s read biblical verses in school (though it is said “unwillingly” which suggests that neither Hilary or Friedrich cared much about having Grell submit to a religion). Obviously he knows about the whole idea that “God doesn’t make mistakes” and so to be feeling that he, in the body he was gifted and blessed with, is not his true self is a high sin. It’s the disease that eats away at his brain, the sin which keeps him from being true. Even with Hilary letting him try things for fun at times or if Friedrich was more open to it, Grell has that internalized turmoil of what he has been taught versus what he is.

Then we get to the rituals he would do to lessen his, let’s be honest, dysphoria (there is also the dysmorphia which is implied but the two tend to go hand-in-hand sometimes so I’ll touch on it more as the scene progresses but in a general sense, what Grell is feeling dysphoric). He starts slow with just turning the mirror around which seems like a pretty good idea. He doesn't have to perceive his true being when clothed or when naked and you know what that sounds like a pretty good deal. Except then he gets asked about it and oh shit I need an excuse and oh fuck I’m not a good liar and I can’t really tell people the real reason I’m doing this and uh uh uh I need a new solution. 

Something I wanna intercept this stream with here is the image of Grell having panic attacks in his room. It’s small, we know this, I keep bringing it up and so like unless he goes and has his attacks (because you cannot tell me that Grell Sutcliff has never had a case of semi-frequent panic attacks he literally had one in the first chapter and felt so much anxiety about his new job before that he ended up throwing up) on his bed, the floor is the only option. With the layout we were given, I bet you that the floor he’d have these attacks on were- wouldn’t you know it- right in front of that damn mirror. So while he’s already feeling bad, I want you to imagine Grell sitting on his floor facing the mirror or being able to at least see himself in the mirror at some point in the midst of a panic attack. And all those thoughts of his dysphoria coming in to join the party. But I digress.

Next solution, wear a shirt over yourself. The thinking for why he does it is much different than what I’m gonna compare it to, but I’m gonna do it anyway. When I first read this part, I was immediately thrown back into little Em’s mind when they used to go to the pool with their friends and were always told that they had to wear a large shirt over themselves in order to go swimming. For those who don’t know, this is something that a lot of parents do to cover up their children’s bodies from pervs, however, I, at the ripe age of 10 and even beyond to now at 19, have never been a skinny kid. I was always the fat kid and not the fat where you just developed early and wow look it’s the 12 year old with boobs (though that too), I was the fat kid who was told by my relatives to stop wearing short sleeved shirts because my arms were too fat to make it look right or to stop wearing shorts because my thighs were too big. I still keep that ideology to this day as I reach 20 this year and have not owned a pair of shorts since I was 11. Anyways, Grell wearing a shirt to bathe in reminded me of all of this because that’s what I would do. I’d wear a shirt in the shower, to the pool, and I’m sure if I ever went to a waterpark, I’d wear it there too. This isn’t all for analysis purposes that I’m mentioning this, rather it’s because this is a part which I, Em, the author of this post, hi, hello, how’s it going, resonated with very much so. I mentioned in the little disclaimer before this part, I am not a transgender individual. But for those who were following me up until like two weeks ago know, I recently changed my pronouns and while I don’t have a label for myself quite yet, this part with Grell using a nightshirt to cover himself as a way to not have to be perceived even if it’s just be himself, calling it an “unremovable suit of man’s skin”, and saying how he has a “loathing for his own form” hit me in a place I didn’t need to be hit (/hj). I heavily considered not mentioning my own feelings about this part, but to do so would be a disservice to myself, to the little girl who I once was, and to the character who has helped me through some of these feelings. And, of course, to all of the other people who may or may not see this post, read what I said, and think to themselves “I’m not alone.” I hope you enjoyed looking a bit more into who I am as a person and why I am who I am because I sure didn’t (/j). If anyone ever needs someone to talk to, please, please, please never hesitate to reach out to me. I will always be there as best I can for those who need it. /gen

Anyways, that sad stuff is over, so let’s get back into the sad stuff that we came here for :D  The delusion that the shirt will help, even if just for the moment, and the idea that maybe one day, just maybe, things will change overnight, is such a hurtful thought. Partly because the delusion and false hope of it all can just cause more harm and disappointment as time goes on but also because it’s just sad. Grell is stuck in this endless cycle and because of his internalized fears, the cycle is destined to never end. He studies himself, as if he’s an external being rather than the body that inhabits his brain. He convinces himself he’s sick. Someone who would be locked away as delusional. He hides his thoughts of her away in fear of what could happen lest he make herself truly known.

Describing her body, she doesn’t connect much to herself really. Sure, Grelle may deem it as “his limbs” or even “his penis” but it’s as she says, it’s not a combination of words which resonates with her. That isn’t her body that she sees, yet she’s still faced with the unfortunate reality that she is connected to it. Scars might be easy to conceal, but the weight will always remain. Disfigurement might not make the essential bane of her existence go away, but it can conceal some of it. Alternatively, the scar of her penis is one which is too big to conceal properly, no matter how much she may try. It’s there. She can try and get rid of it, but the scar will always remain, figuratively and literally in the case of bottom surgery. 

Then we get to the apex of the mirror scene- Grell’s art skills. Okay no but seriously, Grell lets Grelle take over here as she draws out herself while, internally, Grell is almost panicking, coming to full terms with what is really going on. He sees herself; the her who has always been in the back of his mind, plaguing his inner thoughts of his perception versus his reality. He sees who she is for the first time visually, properly, in the real world. And she loves it. She doesn’t see herself as ugly, she sees herself as her. Grelle is finally seeing what she was always missing for the past 27 years.

And then reality comes back.

The big takeaway besides the obvious reveal and realization of Grelle versus Grell is the fact that he never erased the image. One could argue “oh but he does it later”; does he random person?? Does he really?? Because I think that in the abrupt snap from Grelle to Grell, I don’t think he does. I think he’s gonna finish getting dressed, and then go back to the kitchen and leave the mirror as it is with the image of Grelle on it. I think that this is going to cause problems. Hell, I know this is gonna cause problems. But that, dear friends, is something which will be properly revealed in the next chapter of The Story of Grelle the Reaper. Until next time. (*in a matpat voice* But hey, that’s just a theory, a Grelle theory, thanks for reading. Sorry, I had to lol.)

~~~

There is so much to love about this story from the way it's written, to the relationships between the characters, to how much detail is being paid attention to here. If you'd like to be tagged, feel free to leave an ask or a reply and I will gladly add you to the taglist for the analysisisis that I do on tsogtr. And if you have any of your own theories or comments, leave those too! I'd love to start a section where we can talk about all of our theories, especially as things pick up more and more. Until next chapter!

Taglist: @hobbit-in-kuroshitsuji @superjelly11

[weirdfairytales]

How did your works end up getting so popular? Your obvious talent for writing aside, do you have any advice on how to get more traction for a fanfic on ao3?

Tbh I think the biggest factor in whether a fic gains traction is just how well you can convince ppl to click on it. In other words, your title, summary and tags are extremely important.

Try to make your summaries as succinct as possible. Aim for a couple of sentences. It might take a long time to edit it down if your story is rly complicated, but it’s worth it. Keep in mind that a lot of people are just scrolling through stuff and idly skimming, and it’s important to try to convey the essence of your story in a way that doesn’t demand too much from them.

Also, as a general rule, try to limit your tags. If the number of lines of tags exceeds the lines in your summary, consider removing some of the less necessary ones.

With titles I think there’s more leeway, but I think 2-5 words is usually ideal.

Once you’ve convinced someone to click on your fic, your next hurdle is convincing them to stay there. In writing, one of the most common pieces of advice is to jump into the action as soon as you can, and I’d generally agree. The main purpose of your first few paragraphs is to get the reader invested enough to keep going even when the action is over.

So yeah, that’s my advice lol. Of course all of this is at least somewhat subjective, and there are always exceptions, but I think in general it’s a good idea to try to prioritize these things if gaining traction is something you care about.

Thanks for the question!

[raelyn-dreams]

Enstars Info

(Fandoms)

Story Knowledge: I play music and have finished the !! main story, and I'm reading through ! right now. Aware of all main story events, including the war, !, and !!. I can only tell you about certain events in detail, but I try to get my hands on any translations and am trying to work my way through the rest of the units!

Units: I'm your typical Shu and Mika fan that will not shut up about Valkyrie lol, though I promise I adore the other units as well! I'm also a big fan of Alkaloid and 2wink (as well as the Eccentrics). I know a moderate amount about Ryuseitai, Crazy:B, Undead, Ra*bits, Akatsuki, Knights, Switch, and MaM, and not a whole lot about Fine, Trickstar, or Eden at the moment (though I would love to learn more!)

Characters: Again, Shu and Mika fan on deck. I also love everyone in Alkaloid (Hiiro, Aira, Mayoi, Tatsumi) + 2wink (Hinata & Yuta) + Eccentrics (Rei, Shu, Kanata, Wataru, Natsume) and talk about them a lot. Some others I enjoy are Hinata, Yuta, Rinne, HiMERU, Adonis, Nazuna, Kuro, Souma, Ritsu, Arashi, and Natsume. (Though again, I'm a full-cast lover across fandoms, so hit me up about anyone and I will likely have lots of Thoughts)

Ships: To nobody's surprise, I mostly ship Shumika lol, though I also like Narumika, Ritsumika, Narumikashu, and Kuroshu a lot. My other ships are also pretty much mainstream for the most part, which are Wataei, Subahokke, Ritsumao, Chiakana, Midochia, Tetsuhina, Shinoyuta, Hiiai, Kohiiai, Tatsumayo, Tatsuhime, Hiyojun, Rinniki, Reikao, Adosou, Mitsuhaji, Kurokei, Izuleo, and Tsumunatsu. However, I am known to be a multishipping disaster, so throw anyone at me (platonic, romantic, etc) and 99.9% of the time I will love them.

Unit Songs: Of the firm belief that Alkaloid and Valkyrie have no bad songs, but I think I enjoy listening to every unit the vast majority of the time. My current favorite songs from each unit are (in no particular order):

Fine: Owaranai Symphonia, Tempest Night, Neo Sanctuary, RAINBOW CIRCUS, Feathers of Ark, Ghostic Treat House.

Trickstar: Infinite Star, Breakthrough, 1st Sing-along, Welcome to the Trickstar Night, Big Bang Reflection, Finder Girl, Daydream Reality, Romantic Xday.

Ryuseitai: Tenka Muteki Meteor Rangers, Ryusei Hanabi, Suisei HALATION, Colors Arise, Nekketsu Ryusei Ninpouchou, RELAX PARADISE, Bokura no Stella.

Alkaloid: Kiss of Life, Hysteric Humanoid, Distorted Heart, Believe 4 Leaves, Vermilion, Living on the Edge, You're Speculation, Tsubasa Moratorium, UNDYING HOLY LOVE, Black Out See Saw (full discography).

Eden: The Genesis, Trap For You (Eve), Ruler's Truth (Adam), Awakening Myth, EXCEED, Psyche's Butterfly, Deep Eclipse.

Valkyrie: Le Temps des Fleurs, Uruwashi no Nightingale, Acanthe, Eternal Weaving, Last Lament, Koyoi Tsuki no Yakata ni te, Gaisenka, Raisanka, Miwaku Geki, Memoire Antique, Meikyuu Denshi Kairou, Shukufuku no Library (full discography).

2wink: Play Tag, Kangei2wink Zatsugidan, Sweet2wink Love Letter, Heart Prism Symmetry, 2winkle Star Beat, WONDER WONDER TOY LAND, TRICK with TREAT!!, 2wink Introduction, Fighting Dreamer, Turbulent Storm, POLYPHONIC WORLD, Mischievous Party Time!!, Lovexme🔄monsteR (full discography).

Crazy:B: Be The Party Bee, Crazy Roulette, PARANOIA STREET, Honeycomb Summer, Helter Spider, Yubisaki no Ariadne, Crazy Anthem.

Undead: Forbidden Rain, Melody in the Dark, Valentine's Eve Nightmare, Darkness 4, Nightless World, Immoral World, Honey Milk wa Okonomi de, Resurrection of Soul.

Ra*bits: JoyfulxBox, FALLIN' LOVE=IT'S WONDERLAND, Usagi no Mori no Ongakkai, Love Ra*bits Party, Melty Kitchen, Milky Starry Charm, Love It Love It, Parallel Maze, Hikari Spectre.

Akatsuki: Hyakka Ryouran Akatsukiyo, Usenbiiro no Yakusoku, Akatsuki Iroha Uta, Gekkou Kitan, Natsudori no Uta, Konjiki Senya Yumebutai.

Knights: Little Romance, Fight For Judge, Mystic Fragrance, Grateful Allegiance, Silent Oath, Or The Beautiful Golden Drop, Promise Swords, Knights the Phantom Thief, Coruscate Breeze.

Switch: Temptation Magic, Omoi no Kakera, A Little Bit Up, Knockin' Fantasy, Magic for your "Switch", Emerald Planet, Brilliant Smile, I "Witch" You A Happy Halloween, Romancing Cruise.

MaM: Yukai Tsuukai That's Alright, Blooming World, Festive, HELLO, NEW YEAR!

Double Face: Stippling, =EYE=, Bye Bye Buddy.

Shuffle: Paradigm Reversi (Puffy Bunny), Midnight Butlers (XXVeil), Date Plan AtoZ (AtoZ), Heart Aid Cafeteria (Blend+), Noir Neige (La Mort), Have You Been Naughty or Nice? (Flambé), Moonlight Disco (Getto Spectacle).

Fusion: Artistic Partisan (Alkaloid x Valkyrie), Majestic Magic (Eden x Switch), Lemon Squash Cheers (2wink x Crazy:B), Pocket ni Uchuu (Ra*bits x Double Face).

Cover: Yuukyou Seishunka (Valkyrie x Akatsuki), (RE)PLAY (Trickstar x Eden), Yoru ni Kakera (ALKALOID x Double Face).

Past: Eccentric Party Night (5 Eccentrics), Genuine Revelation (Ex-fine), Sajou no Roukaku (Ex-Valkyrie), Sei Shounen Yuugi (Ex-Valkyrie).

Temporary: Crush of Judgement (Knight Killers), Death Game Holic (Deadmanz), Rock Roar (Deadmanz), Twilight Pentagram (Altered), Dawning Angels (fine-o).

[yuexuan]

[Review] 绝处逢生

Title: 绝处逢生 Thrive in Catastrophe

Author: 焦糖冬瓜

Length: 98 chapters + 2 extras

Rating: E

Tag: future, zombie apocalypse, sci-fi

Summary [taken from novel updates]:

This story is about a rookie researcher, who was forcefully dragged away from his restful life, compelled into facing various killers and zombies, always having to risk his life at the brink of death, and finally becoming an advanced researcher that is acclaimed by all. And throughout his adventure, he met an alluring(?) killing machine, who he started to have fantasies on after they had an accidental kiss…

Xiao Yan: Did I fall for him? But he’s a man!

Maya: Who knows…. maybe it’s the other way round?

Novel | Novel[translated]

Comments **contains spoilers**:

Set in the future where a global zombie outbreak caused by the Comet Virus forced people to live underground, the story follows the development of the MC (Xiao Yan) from a noob researcher to one of the world’s top scientists. Along the way, Xiao Yan made close friends and met ML (Heine), the leader of the Special Force, a group of humans who had been intentionally injected with the Comet Virus. Members of the Special Force possessed inhuman combat and healing abilities, but were bound by a strict age limit due to their body succumbing eventually to the Virus. Xiao Yan tried to seek the solution to the issue. What he never expected was to uncover a heinous plan by a terrorist group who aspired to reach immortality, and to become embroiled in their plan. 

Highlights:

Xiao Yan wanting to laze around and avoid troubles at the start of the novel is very relatable lol. That said, it was later revealed that Xiao Yan’s brain can think at a speed that far exceeds most normal people and even other researchers, hence he was employed to work on complex problems related to the Comet Virus and arsenal development. Eventually, Xiao Yan became quite OP and developed the protagonist (read: heartthrob) halo. 

I like how despite being incredibly smart, Xiao Yan nevertheless trained hard so that he would not become a burden to the Special Force. 

I also really like the supporting characters. Each of them have their own flares and quirks. On a side note, I was really rooting for Mark and Liv (hopefully I got her English name correctly lol) and loved moments when they were written fighting side-by-side. Wished there were more instances of them interacting together! 

The worldbuilding is fascinating and has inspired some of the plot points  I used in my fics - e.g. things such as spies with double-agendas, zombie evolution, and the literal exploitation of human brains plus their subconscious mind. And yes, it is because of this novel that I learned about the ‘brain in the vat’ scenario~ 

Also, did I mention that there is quite a bit of smut? ;) 

Some notes:

As previously mentioned, Xiao Yan is a heartthrob, which meant that everyone either want to fuck Xiao Yan, or they want to protect him. Xiao Yan was never really in any sort of danger, despite the author constantly dangling the threat of his brain being taken by the enemy. Unfortunately, it took away a lot of the suspense from the plot.

I personally don’t find this problematic BUT just as a fair warning, there is a lot of dubcon/noncon, even for the main pairing. Xiao Yan was straight initially, until Heine forced himself upon Xiao Yan, both physically and mentally (during the times when Xiao Yan slept with his terminal connected). Violence between the main pairing is frequent, especially at the start, so be warned.