#now i'm an adult and there's no way i can get my own ticket like i'm just. so sad.

[drivemysoul]

i literally regret not going to rep tour every single time i think about it and the fact i probably can't go to mdinights tour is making me so sad

[readsaboutreid]

Detangling | S.R. imagine

this is just gonna be a short little imagine because i can't bring myself to write anything more right now and i could imagine spencer being the absolute best partner about a situation like this

You walk into the door and Spencer follows behind you. You hadn't spent as much time at your apartment since you and Spencer started getting serious, but your place was closer to the theater he had taken you to for a showing of a documentary on your favorite subject he had surprised you with tickets to go see.

After about 45 minutes of watching Star Trek on the couch together he asks you a question you'd been hoping he'd avoid asking. "It's really warm in here, love," he mentions, "why don't you take off that beanie?"

"I-I'm cold," you mutter, not meeting his eyes.

"You're flushed and sweating," he reasons, stroking a finger down your cheek before putting the back of his hand to your forehead. "You don't feel feverish. Is there another reason you're wearing the hat?" He asked with a knowing look in his eyes before you break down crying. "Wait no, please don't cry, I'm sorry I-I didn't mean to upset—" his panic is cut off by your sigh.

"It's okay, Spencer," you exhale shakily. "I'm just—I, uh, I've been feeling a little bit down recently and my hair is kind of a depression rats' nest." Your cheeks heat with embarrassment but you finally meet his eyes, which soften with understanding at your confession. "I've been hiding it with the hat until I can just go to a hairdresser and probably just have them cut it all off. It's what my mom used to make me do if I let my hair get this bad and it's kind of just the easiest way to make myself presentable again."

Spencer wraps you into a tight hug on the couch next to you. "What, uh, what if I were to help you so you don't have to cut it all off?" he asked softly, before hastily adding on, "unless that's what you want to do."

Next thing you know you're going into your bathroom and returning with a hairbrush and sitting down on the ground in front of him.

"I'm sorry about this, Spencer," you mumble as you wait on the ground in front of the couch, between his open legs. More tears prick your eyes from embarrassment and your lip trembles. "You shouldn't have to take time out of your day to take care of me like this."

"Hush, I won't hear any of that nonsense." Spencer chides from above you as he grabs the hairbrush you had approached him with. "I like taking care of you, and that's why I offered do this."

"But I—I'm an adult," the tears that welling in your eyes start to fall down your cheeks and your voice breaks as you pull your knees up to your chest. "I should be capable of taking care of myself by now!"

You hear Spencer sigh above you before you feel him shift around on the couch. He stands and walks around where you're seated until he's on his knees in front of you. He gently pulls your hands from your face, kissing each one of the palm softly and then holding them in his own. In his eyes you can see none of the shame or disgust you're expecting to see. Instead his eyes are filled with love, understanding, and concern.

He's quiet for a moment before reaching out to wipe your tears away gently. "Did you know that there are approximately 280 million people worldwide who suffer from depressive disorder? That doesn't even factor in those who suffer from depression as a symptom of an underlying physical or other mental illness." He leans in and kisses both of your cheeks. "I know there's no magic thing I can say to make you feel better, but just know that there's no shame in struggling. Or asking for help from those who love you."

"O-okay," you stammer as you look at him again before he stands and moves back to his spot on the couch. He slowly begins working his way through the tangles, holding your hair and pulling the brush through until eventually your hair is fully detangled and in need of a wash. "Th-thank you, Spencer."

He pulls you up and kisses your forehead before wrapping you into another tight embrace. "Never be afraid to ask for help when you need me, sweetheart," he whispers.

[bengiyo]

Don't Care for an Old Man's Underwear! Ep 8 Stray Thoughts

As always, this watch was made possible by @isaksbestpillow

Last time, Kakeru revealed to Mika and Moe that he wants to go to a premier makeup school, and will finish high school to make sure he qualifies. He had a good conversation with Hasegawa after being asked if he was gay, revealing that he sometimes finds either men or women admirable in their own ways but as yet has not felt love. Hasegawa expressed his admiration for Kakeru for never playing along with boy talk that also makes him uncomfortable. Kakeru also managed to form a new friendship with his rival. Makoto is struggling at work to keep his misogynistic senior from pissing off everyone, and it seems like Haranishi suppressed him with his bra for now. Makoto also unfortunately thought Kakeru was seeing two people and put his foot in his mouth again trying to be supportive. However, he did help Daichi by reassuring him that Madoka choosing him is also a valid choice, even as we all worry about Madoka giving up on being a vet to dodge his family's disappointment. Not to be forgotten, Makoto insisted that Mika enjoy the tickets they got for her.

I like how much easier the friendship between Daichi and Makoto feels at this point. Saying they help each other feels genuine.

Oh no. Is Daichi avoiding Madoka?

Looking forward to seeing more rude men at Makoto's job!

I love that Daichi doesn't lie to Kakeru about reaching out at Makoto's request.

Kakeru admitting that he took out his frustrations on his parents feels like an important step for him.

Oh no. Daichi is pulling back from Madoka, and now he's going to think Daichi is trying to get with Kakeru because Kakeru is so cute.

Hold on, I'm suddenly invested in Furuike trying to use the contacts he's built up across his career in a digital age that cuts down on human interactions.

Ah, Furuike knows the engineer who designed the copier and is trying to protect his reputation. He's also got little left in his life besides his idea of work and the efforts they made before, so he's trying to validate that their way of doing things wasn't completely wrong. Look at this show giving this unpleasant man recognizable humanity.

Okay, I was touched by the two old guys solving a problem together.

Also feels significant that Kakeru wanted to wait to talk to Makoto.

Aw, they get to bond over having similar troubles navigating human interactions.

"I respect your grit and perseverance. In order for them not to go to waste, would you please change with me?" is basically the plea the show is making to the masculine audience.

Not me crying because this old man made tea.

Kakeru teasing about never hearing his dad complain before also feels like a moment. I wonder if we'll return to Kakeru's comment about not being an adult.

Why do both Okita men blush the same way? Lol

For saying he stumbles constantly, Makoto recognized that Kakeru didn't tell him what he really wanted from that booth.

Oh, Kakeru. Once again this show hitting queer notes left behind in romance all the time. It's easy to resent people for not being able to understand you, but that's just hiding the loneliness and disappointment you feel at not being able to connect with them, too. Kakeru admitting that he's feeling sad that he can't be the son he wanted because his father is actively trying to be a father Kakeru can love and respect got me.

As always, Daichi doesn't tell Kakeru what to think, and reaffirms that Kakeru always has a choice in how to engage with the world.

Dammit, they got me again. Madoka explaining to Makoto how hard it is to tell your parents important things about yourself because of the huge stakes, and then trying to accept being dumped, is making my chest clench.

Oh, Makoto, finally your over sharing tendencies pay off.

Wow, this man is so tall that he could see Daichi over the crowd.

Ugly crying about Kakeru and Makoto talking out the baseball thing at the festival, and then Kakeru asking his dad to teach him how to use the pop gun to get what he wants for himself.

He let his dad put the necklace on him!

Daichi and Madoka are holding hands in public!

Well well well, Kakeru still has to face the boys on the baseball team.

This has quickly become one of my favorite shows of all time. She wasn't in this episode a lot, but Mika continues to be one of my favorites because of her instincts. She could tell that Kakeru wanted to face Makoto properly, so she makes sure to check in with him first before hovering to see that they're okay. She then later insists on sending Makoto to the festival in a yukata with Kakeru because she knows they need to do that together. If she doesn't insist on Makoto going and dressing up, he doesn't have that conversation with Madoka, and he doesn't make progress with Kakeru at the booth. She helped four men with her kindness and determination, and enabled her daughter to support her brother while also receiving validation about her hobby from her dad.

Makoto has come so far. I really loved him supporting his senior through the resolution of that work problem, and still telling him that his attitude was wrong. I also liked that he also got corrected by Shimura afterwards, who insists that he use respectful honorifics for her. He's finally earned the confidence of his team by being the leader they need him to be.

This show is excellent, and I've not cried this much watching a show in a long time.

[cherrylng]

Matt Bellamy Interview - Muse [INROCK (May 2000)]

A future superstar born between a medium and a former star musician!?

INTERVIEW: YUKO KATO

I've collected a lot of articles about you guys, and the interview with Melody Maker magazine was particularly interesting. Matthew Bellamy (vo., g.): The guy who wrote that article, Mark Beaumont, wants to write a rock 'n' roll story centred around sex and drugs. He doesn't give a shit about music. I only talked about the music and all he wrote was stupid jokes and stuff like that.

So you didn't say, "It's going to be a muse millennium"? Matthew: No, I didn't. I never said that. It's just an ordinary article, you know, you read it. But it's incredibly over the top. It's just terrible.

It says you guys won a newcomer award, what kind of award did you win? Matthew: Newcomer… Oh, the Newcomer of the Year award. Yeah, we won the NME Readers' Choice for Best Newcomer. (chuckles) We were on tour in Germany the day of the awards. So we had a gig the day before the ceremony, and then another gig in the evening on the day of the ceremony. But the NME still offered to pay for a small plane ticket, like a private one, so we could come. That's when I realised we must have won an award, because the NME rarely pays. So we decided that if they were going to pay for our flights, then fine, we'd go to the awards ceremony. We won the award, but we had to leave as soon as we were done. So we couldn't watch the rest of the awards ceremony. So we got on the plane and it took off and then landed again right afterwards. One of the engines was on fire. But it wasn't anything serious. It just started to catch fire a little bit. First of all, we were so happy about winning the award that we weren't afraid of the accident at all.

It says in Melody Maker that at the moment you guys are in all sorts of trouble, or you've had some near-death experiences. And it also says that your mother is a medium. Matthew: Yeah, my mum was a medium.

Is that why things tend to get so weird around you? Matthew: …Hmmm… I don't know. Maybe… I mean, I don't know. When you're alive and you're living your life in your own way, you don't really know what's normal and what's not, you know? I don't feel different from other people. Of course there are times when I don't, but most of the time I feel fine.

Does your mother influence you to see anything special? Do you believe in things that other people don't? Matthew: When I was a kid… You know what I mean by mediumship, contacting dead people, don't you? You know how you put your finger on a board with a bunch of letters on it and the spirits start talking? But mediums don't need such a board (so called "kokkuri-san"). Mediums can talk directly to the spirits. That's what my mother did. When I was a kid I used to see my mum talking to spirits every week. But as I grew up… I think when I was about 11 or 12, me and my brother got into mediumship. We didn't do the things that normal kids do, we only got mediumship. That's why my mother stopped her mediumship. She was worried that it would have too much of a bad influence on me.

What were you doing yourself? Matthew: Me? Me and my brother used to try to copy what our mother was doing. We wanted to try mediumship too. But you need special powers to be a medium. My mum had that, though. You have to understand something special. I'm an adult now and I don't think so much about the past. I don't even know if I believe it's really possible to talk to spirits now. Maybe it's possible subconsciously. It's an interesting thing, though.

I don't have the ability to see that kind of thing. Matthew: I don't either. I used to feel things when I was a kid, but as an adult I don't feel anything anymore. I've never even seen a spirit.

But I think it's good for an artist to have that experience. In short, you have sensitive senses, don't you? When I listen to your music, the melodies are very dramatic, which I like a lot, but I also feel that some of the songs have a very mysterious atmosphere to them. Do you think you can express that kind of spirituality in your music? Matthew: I never thought of it that way myself, but I guess so. My mum had a very spiritual life and so did her parents. But I've never really thought about that aspect of myself. I didn't think about it until you just told me (laughs). Maybe it's possible. That's interesting.

If you know that spirits exist, doesn't that make you less afraid of death? Matthew: Yes, it does. I've never been afraid of death. I'm not afraid of dying and leaving everything behind in this world, and I'm not afraid of forgetting all the memories I have in this world and moving on to another. I think fear is dangerous.

Dangerous? Matthew: If you're afraid of dying, you can't leave this world and go somewhere else, can you? People often say that when you're close to death, your whole life goes through your head in a flash, but sometimes I wonder if we all live the same life over and over again. It seems to me that the scene I'm living right now might be part of the running lights I see just before my death, when I'm living at another time. After death, we may have a different sense of time than we did when we were alive. When I'm afraid of death, I think that maybe I'll end up living over and over again, experiencing the running lights over and over again, and then I'll finally be ready to leave this world with a fixed mind and I'll finally be able to truly die. As long as you're afraid of death, you're probably in a circle that keeps turning over and over again like that. I'm sure that one day your fear will disappear and you will realise that death is not something to be afraid of and you will be ready to leave this world.

Do you think there is any underlying reason for being a rock star in this world? Being alive in this world right now is part of a cycle, isn't it? Matthew: Yeah. Yeah, maybe (laughs). Maybe we've been rocking over and over and over again. … I don't know what criteria you use to decide what's good enough to do what you're doing, and sometimes you pick something specific and it doesn't make any difference, you know? But you keep doing those things and when you finally get somewhere, I'm sure you'll be happy.

How was your last show in Tokyo? Matthew: It was a great show. The crowd was very quiet at first, but then it got more and more lively, and by the middle of the show everyone was jumping to the songs. It was a very lively show. I was a bit surprised. I thought it was going to be a quiet show. But it was a good audience, very energetic. I was a bit shy for the first couple of songs… I don't mean I was shy, but I was just concentrating on playing, and then I started looking at the audience instead of looking down. Then I started having more and more fun, and I started telling jokes and the audience started laughing and enjoying it. And the whole place got into a really positive mood. People reacted really well. When I look at the audience or go to the front with my guitar in my hand, people react really well.

Did you talk to the fans after the show? Matthew: Yeah. There were a couple of kids who followed us. They followed us into the restaurant. And when we went outside a couple of hours after dinner, they were still waiting for us. So I signed autographs and talked to them.

But you guys are used to that by now, aren't you? You have a lot of fans in France who are crazy about you. Matthew: It's definitely been an unusual experience, but it's not easy to get used to. Sometimes it's nice, but sometimes it's a bit difficult. I don't really know how to behave towards the fans. I want to be friendly and talk to them, but depending on who I'm talking to, I might be cold to them and let them down.

I've heard that the fan girl you talked to thought you were totally into her and broke up with her boyfriend. Did that really happen? Or are you just making that up? Matthew: It only happened to one person, but it really happened. There's a girl from Germany who comes to all our shows and follows us. When she first came, we spoke to her in a friendly way. She came to see our show and we had a few drinks together, and she was a very normal girl at that time. Then she started coming to all our concerts. When I didn't speak to her, she got very angry. I asked her why she was so angry. She said weird things like she had to break up with her boyfriend to come to see me. That's none of my business, right? But she expects to be treated specially.

I think some Germans are terribly obsessive. Matthew: Hmmm, maybe… That's true for that fan girl, but in general I don't think you can say that all Germans are clingy. I don't know Germans that well, but I've certainly had some weird experiences with fans like that.

Do you remember a band called Take That? When Robbie Williams left, some German fans killed themselves. Isn't that strange? Matthew: Yeah, it's very strange. Actually, the girl I was telling you about used to be a big Robbie Williams fan (laughs). When I heard that, I thought, "Hmm, maybe I should keep my distance from this girl…" (laughs).

Can you talk about the other band members? They're more like band mates, but they're really close, aren't they? How do you see yourselves in this kind of relationship? Matthew: Sometimes we get on like that, and sometimes we don't talk at all for a couple of weeks. But we're part of each other's lives. It's an interesting time with a lot of things happening and we have to talk about a lot of things. I think it's important for us to grow together as a band. Things are changing and I hope we can grow together. But of course it doesn't always work out that well. There are times when I'm really tired and everyone is quiet and I don't want to make a fuss.

You met Dominic when you were in your mid-teens, when your parents were divorced and you started thinking about who your real friends were. So I thought maybe your friendship was a bit different to a normal friendship. Matthew: Maybe it is. Maybe because we came from similar backgrounds. Of course we're different people, but the three of us are from the north of England and when we were teenagers, our respective parents all did the same thing. We all moved to the same part of Devon and changed schools. Of course we didn't know each other then, but coming from different parts of the UK to one place, we've had very similar experiences. The three of us had the same experience of changing schools, being separated from our friends and moving to a new place at the same time.

Are you wary of people approaching you? Matthew: Not really. I mean, sometimes I am, but who wouldn't be?

I heard about your father. He used to be a successful musician. You didn't tell me that before, did you? Matthew: (laughs) I didn't think I needed to… He was in the first British band to go number one in America… He was in a band. It's very different now, but my father used to work on a ship for the army or something, and he lived on the ship for years, and he got off the ship when he was about 19 or 20 years old. He saw an advert in Melody Maker for a guitarist at the time and joined a band, and two months later they had a number one hit. It was a band that had been there since the beginning, and they only needed a guitarist, so my dad got in.

And after that? Matthew: He was in it for three or four years and then it was over and he quit the band and started a normal job. Things were a lot different then than they are now. It was the end of the fifties, about 1959 or 1960, just before the Beatles and stuff came out.

So they couldn't become like the Beatles. Matthew: My dad's band was instrumental and didn't have a singer. The band was experimental and did music that was out of the ordinary for the time.

"I think it's important to avoid playing it safe all the time."

So it was quite natural for you to walk the path your father walked? Matthew: I knew my dad did that from a young age, and I'm sure he never felt uncomfortable with the idea of performing. So I've never been anxious about doing this kind of work.

But you're critical of showbiz and record labels because of what happened to your dad, aren't you? Matthew: Yeah. Because of that, my father lost a lot of money financially. Back then, bands were paid like a normal job, and even if you were number one, you still got paid the same. But that was the way it was then. It was a very different time in the '50s and the industry was just starting to come into being, and things are very different now.

Now, would you like to work with John Leckie (producer) again? There are a lot of people who compare you guys to Radiohead because of the John Leckie connection? Matthew: He's a great producer. But I want to work with a lot of different people. I want to do a lot of different things, I want to have new experiences, I want to take risks. I don't think it's important to avoid playing it safe. If we do another one with John Leckie, it might sound exactly the same as the first album, you know? I think it's good to try new stuff, to take the next step and do something a bit different from before. But of course I'd love to work with John Leckie again sometime in the future. But I just want to do something a bit different on the next album.

Don't you always hate being compared to Radiohead? Matthew: I don't really care that much about what the press says anymore. In the beginning, it was a huge shock when I read all the bullshit about us in magazines like Melody Maker. I was worried that my friends would read it and get the wrong idea about me.

Plus, that Melody Maker article makes you seem like a very pompous person. Matthew: Yeah, I know. Even though I'm not really. But now I don't really care what anyone says anymore. I just let them say whatever they want.

This is an interesting question. I laughed a lot when I read this article, but I agree with the journalist who wrote it. When I saw your concert in Lyon, I also felt that you showed many different characters on stage. I thought you showed a different aura, a different side to each song. Do you deliberately play a different character for each song? Matthew: I've only started doing that recently. Last year I was playing every song in the same way, but since January this year I've been more positive on stage, or I've been creating atmosphere with my movements. I think it's because after you play a song over and over again, the way you play it, the whole performance, the way you think about the song changes. I don't know if you can call it character, but it definitely makes a difference. Each song has its own theme, so it's a different vibe. Some songs are very personal and I just can't open up to the audience. In those cases, I close my eyes. I don't want to think about the fact that there are so many people in front of me. So there are songs that are very personal, and there are songs that I share with the audience. But I think everyone has more than one character.

Maybe people don't realise that. Matthew: I think when you're 21, or when you're my age, you're probably going back and forth between those two selves all the time. But I think as you get older and more mature, you find a balance between both of them. If not, then maybe I'll just be one self in a way. But I think you usually learn to balance it out. I think in order to be happy as you get older, you have to strike the right balance.

(Recorded on March 2nd in Tokyo)

Translator's Note: Believe it or not, even though this was published in May 2000, this isn't even the earliest Muse interview done by a Japanese magazine. There's one even earlier still that I'll scan it later on.

Also... "So I thought maybe your friendship was a bit different to a normal friendship." So did we, Journalist-san. So did we... ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

[fictional-love-is-my-life]

While I understand some like Noah and saying he is better than sam, I meant Noah offering g himself to go to Peru but I think peoples forgetting when sam first time meet Autobots he is ordinary 16 , and of course he scare and really trying stay away from Autobots but unfortunately the condition forced sam to fight to. And Noah is like 20s and have military experience and well adult stuff, he understand things.

Again I understand why they said Noah is better than sam but my problem is that they compared sam angry with Autobots when they accidentally destroy his dad yard with how Noah buy parking tickets to all Autobots. Now I know what they want to say 'sam is cheap or stingy and Noah is generous' but are they forgetting that Autobots literally destroy his dad (basically his but not really) yard that you need pay like 100- 1000 dollars, of course sam is angry specially if his dad blame him. And yes Noah maybe not rich and he in conditions need money but how much Noah must pay for parking anyway in 1994? It's not many as yard fixing. So please if they want comparing playing they must really make sense.

I don't think one is better than the other. I know everyone has their favorite human companions and everyone can and does like one better. But I think they are both great.

They have their similarities and differences.

I mean, when both of them first encountered a Transformer they both wanted to leave and run away. Neither was interested in getting involved. But they got roped into it, and eventually they both fell into the role and both started to care about the bots. That's a similarity they have.

The differences are their skills. Yes Noah is a trained soldier and Sam is not. Noah was able to join and help in the fight and was a much better fighter because of his training. I really enjoyed seeing him actually fight. Sam didn't have a fighting background, but that didn't stop him. He adapted, he used his other strengths in the battles. He was a fast runner, he was dedicated and willing to help in whatever way he could. They had different skills, but they are both strong, capable, brave and wanting to help.

Sam was a teenager so he didn't have money no. But I feel like Nest probably paid for most of the damage the bots did. Noah worked and paid for the parking tickets but he didn't have to, he chose to because it was a nice thing to do. Plus I'm pretty sure if Sam did have money then he absolutely would have paid for things the bots broke. I don't think Sam is cheap, he just didn't have the funds at that time.

They are similar and different in good ways. And also, they gave us different stories. If every human companion was the same every time it would get really boring. I love seeing different humans with different stories interacting with the bots. There will still be people that say one is better than the other. But personally I think they are both great, they are different and brilliant in their own way.

[wheels-of-despair]

Always Worth It | Ralph Penbury x You | Series Masterlist

Keeping Us Awake Summary: You and Ralph receive a pair of tickets to the Nutcracker Ballet as a Christmas gift, an event neither of you really wants to attend... how ever will you stay awake through such a spectacle? Words: 1.2k

"Oh, no," Ralph groans.

"What's wrong, pup?" you ask, looking up from your knitting at the other end of the sofa. He's holding an envelope like its contents are going to infect him with something nasty.

"My mother has sent us tickets to the Nutcracker ballet."

"How despicable of her," you tease. "We should remove her from our Christmas card list at once."

Ralph chuckles and tosses the tickets aside with the rest of the mail.

"Victoria had a phase where she wanted to be a ballerina, so I had to suffer through many a production. Mother knows I hate it."

"Then why send you tickets to it?"

Ralph leans forward and rubs his temples.

"We don't have to go, Ralph."

"She'll ask about it when we see her at Christmas," he sighs.

"We'll tell her I was ill, and we couldn't make it."

"She won't care."

"Ralph, you are an adult. If you don't want to go to the ballet, you do not have to go to the ballet."

He leans back to rest his head against the sofa. He closes his eyes and sighs, then turns his pretty face just enough to pout at you.

"Maybe it won't be as bad now that I'm older?" he suggests hopefully.

"How old were you the last time you went?" You set your knitting aside and make yourself comfortable, putting your stockinged feet in Ralph's lap. His hands come to rest on your ankles.

"It was well before I went off to school, so probably… five or six?"

"What was so bad about it?"

Ralph's face darkens suddenly, and you can see him trying to fight his way out of the memory. He starts rubbing absent-minded circles on your leg.

"It was boring. I was so little, I couldn't see much from my seat. But fidgeting was frowned upon. If I fidgeted, I'd get one warning before I had to spend the rest of the production in my father's lap. And there best not be fidgeting once I was there."

"And Victoria?"

"It was the only time she was ever able to stay still and be quiet." Ralph sighs. "Did you go through the ballerina phase?"

"I did not," you smile.

"Really?" Ralph asks with an air of shock. "I thought all little girls must go through that."

"Not all of them." You can feel your own mood dampen with a resurgence of childhood memories.

"How long has it been since you last attended the ballet?"

"I've never been," you confess.

"Never?" Ralph asks, lifting his head from its resting position.

You chuckle and summon your best imitation of your mother: "I'll not pay good money to watch half-naked trollops prance around on stage!"

Ralph grins. "In that case, darling, we must go. Just so you can tell your mother you went to watch the half-naked trollops."

"We don't have to if you don't want to, Ralph."

"I want to go with you," he smiles.

"You're sure?"

"I don't have any good memories of the ballet. I suppose it's time I made one."

"Right this way, Mr. and Mrs. Penbury."

You and Ralph follow the usher up the stairs of the theater and into a private box. He exits with a bow and leaves you alone. You walk to the edge and look down at all the seats filling up below.

"Your mother really went all out," you observe, turning back to Ralph. He hovers by the door uncomfortably.

"Penburys don't mingle with the common folk," he says with a roll of his eyes.

"Are you alright, Ralph?"

He nods. "I'm remembering things, now that I'm back here."

"Things like what?" you ask. He scans his surroundings like he's afraid. "Ralph? Come sit down, you look like you've seen a ghost."

You take his hand and lead him to the cushioned chairs. You each drop into a seat, and you take his hands in yours.

"I used to have nightmares about the mice," he mumbles.

"The mice?"

"There's a big battle with a bunch of men dressed as mice and it's terrifying. Always covered my eyes, but every time I checked to see if they were gone… they weren't."

"Men-sized mice definitely sound like something worth being afraid of."

Ralph sighs.

"We can go anytime you want to, pup," you remind him with a squeeze to his hands. "You can even tell your mother you came. Because you did. You don't have to stay through something that scares you."

"I'm not a child anymore," he says stubbornly.

"Everyone feels fear."

"I'm more afraid of falling asleep," he smirks.

"I'll keep you awake," you whisper, leaning in to kiss his cheek. He blushes, and it's the first time he's looked anything other than pale all night.

"Do you think anyone else is coming?" You look around, counting four other chairs. "Surely it's not just us up here."

"She probably gave Victoria a ticket too, but I haven't talked to either of them. It wouldn't surprise me if they both came."

"I actually kind of hope Victoria makes it," you say. Ralph looks at you in confusion. "I've never seen her still and quiet before."

You share a mischievous smile and return your attention to the crowd below as you wait for the show to begin.

No one else had arrived by the time the lights dimmed; it was just you and Ralph in that lonely little box nestled into the side of the theater. You couldn't see the boxes on either side of you, but the ones on the other side of the theater weren't very crowded. Perhaps London's elite had better things to do tonight.

Ralph was right. The ballet was incredibly boring. How could anyone expect a child to sit still through this? You leaned your head on Ralph's shoulder and wondered if falling asleep would be the worst thing you could do…

Until you had a better idea.

Ralph was shifting and sighing and struggling to stay awake himself. With a quick scan of your surroundings, you confirm that you're quite alone in your little box, hiding high above the crowd.

You start with a hand on his knee.

You lean your head on Ralph's shoulder again and rub light circles on his thigh with your thumb, slowly creeping up his inseam. You're just inches away from your target when he finally whispers, "What are you doing?"

"Keeping us awake," you whisper in his ear. He huffs out a breath through his nose, and you smile. Your fingers reach their destination and massage gently. He melts into your touch. When you slowly unfasten his trousers and let the cool air seep in, he whimpers.

"Shh," you whisper, reaching up with your free hand to turn his face toward yours. You draw his eyes away from the mice-men prancing onto the stage and capture his mouth in a kiss to swallow his pretty sounds of pleasure.

Ralph Penbury isn't leaving this theater without a good memory of attending the ballet, and neither are you.

[twig-tea]

Absolute Zero Making Zero Sense: Ep 4

This is going to be a bit messy because I have a lot of emotions lol I held back on ep 3 because I really wasn't sure how to express everything, and I wanted to give myself and the show time to get it right. But this week I feel too much to hold back.

Unlike most folks last week, I was actually expecting the pace slow-down, because, if we're in a linear timeline, I knew there wasn't that much time before SuanSoon was going to disappear again, so we were going to have to spend more time with Time Traveller!SuanSoon (TT!SS) and young Ongsah to fill the time. I was assuming that TT!SS had remembered his time as a kid and realized the weird things that had happened around now were himself so maybe we were going to see more of that, but now I'm not so sure he's being that intentional; things like the phone call (which I was assuming was TT!SS because who else would have SuanSoon's number--which was it's own depressing realization) but we clearly saw in this episode that it wasn't him. And now I'm thinking maybe he didn't remember his stuff getting taken in from the rain or the exact day he moved in next door. Maybe I've been giving him too much credit this whole time.

Similarly, I have been struggling with what the relationship between TT!SS and Ongsah was accomplishing, for TT!SS or for the plot. At first I thought maybe TT!SS was thinking that the only reason why Ongsah paid attention to him was because he'd met TT!SS and he was going to have to play matchmaker, which would have been a heartbreaking statement about his own self-worth as a kid. But when he didn't say anything about Ongsah using those tickets alone, I figured oh, TT!SS was thinking of maybe preventing Ongsah and SuanSoon from meeting in the current present (especially after a couple other things he said last episode). And like @bengiyo and @lurkingshan I was wondering what the heck he was doing, then, spending time with young Ongsah?

This is what I wrote in my draft last week that I never posted:

What I'm suck on is what SuanSoon is meant to take away from this journey to the past if it is an unchangeable timeline. It's clear that this relationship between SuanSoon and Ongsah is pivotal to SuanSoon's life. I'm guessing, based on what we've seen, that this opacity about what the heck SuanSoon is doing is intentional because his plan is fucked. I'm going to put down a clown checkpoint and say SuanSoon might be thinking if he as an adult has captured young Ongsah's attention then maybe he won't be interested in his younger self and that will save adult Ongsah? If that's the case, it's a fucked up plan and so cruel to himself and to Ongsah, and such a heartbreaking statement about his own self-worth. With Ongsah finding out about the time travel (I'm assuming he's seeing dates somewhere on that phone), if SuanSoon tells him, there's no way Ongsah could stay away. If Ongsah fights him on it, maybe he can convince him that SuanSoon has value. After going back to ep1, I'm now thinking that speech older SuanSoon gave to younger SuanSoon was possibly as much meant for himself as an adult as it was for himself as a child. "Make yourself stronger. Respect yourself. And believe in love. Don't be alone".

But now I think even that was giving TT!SS too much credit. It hit me watching today's episode: I think he's just spending as much time with Ongsah as he can, because he thinks he's going to have erased him from his life in the future. That's why he's not in any urgency to get back, and why he keeps vacillating between pushing Ongsah away and holding him closer; he's in tension between wanting to be with Ongsah and wanting to let Ongsah go. The grief we saw him feel towards Ongsah to date is (I'm guessing) not about Future!Ongsah potentially dying, it's about TT!SS erasing their relationship and losing the only family he has, as well as his relationship with the person he loves most, from the life he's going back to.

Now, that being said, if that's what this show is doing, it's not doing it very well. We didn't get any indication from our time in the hospital to indicate that anything is permanently wrong with Ongsah, nothing to indicate that the accident was in any way SuanSoon's fault, and it's just basic time travel logic (which SuanSoon as a consumer of media should know) that changing one bad thing that happened doesn't mean things will go better; if he didn't meet SuanSoon maybe he would have died from a different car crash years ago! A random car crash during a commute is a ridiculous thing to try to avoid via throwing out a ten-year relationship. I dislike "I'm leaving you for your own protection" plotlines most of the time, but this one makes even less sense than usual, and there are not very many reasons for it (not even bad reasons) in the show to give it any legibility.

Even putting that aside, this is so, so cruel to Ongsah. TT!SS is giving him a taste of the love he could have had in this other timeline of just about a month and a bit before presumably disappearing, and then his plan was to prevent Ongsah from having the happiness of their relationship for the next ten years at least? But also he has not been upfront with Ongsah, it seemed like he didn't actually have a plan to tell him who he was or where he came from, and he's made it clear he was missing someone else, so poor teenage Ongsah has been left grappling with the confusing mixed signals of someone ten years older than him who should be emotionally mature enough to not be yanking him around this whole time.

And it's frankly even more cruel to SuanSoon, who is the same age, but has no friends, no family, and at the moment, no belief he can have or deserves either. To take away Ongsah from SuanSoon's life is the cruelest thing TT!SS can do to himelf. There's a self-hatred in this that is just--devastating.

I would guess that all of this stems from TT!SS undervaluing his presence in Ongsah's life, both before and after time travel. I can understand how someone would be that way after losing their family and being a loner for several years, and then only having one other person, who was their everything but who had other friends, family, etc. always surrounding him. I'm just....mad that he was not adult enough to make his own emotional baggage young Ongsah's problem. (@waitmyturtles you basically made this point last week and I was internally waffling but I'm now with you; dude needs to Adult a little more). And I think that I'm filling in a LOT of blanks and making guesses to try to give the show the benefit of the doubt, but I don't know for sure I'm right.

And due to the pacing, we understand just how much time he's had to think this through, and this is the best plan he's come up with? Sir, I am unimpressed.

I'm also confused about where this show is going to go from here. I still think that if I were Ongsah, no way in hell would I stay away from young SuanSoon, even not knowing the details of how knowing him would result in my death in a decade. Especially at 17-18, a decade sounds like forever! We've only got a bit more time with TT!SS in the past, since we know from ep 1 that he first moves in to the apartment a couple of weeks before the film where Ongsah and SuanSoon meet (because the video store guy tells SuanSoon about the film opening 'in a couple of weeks' around when he hears from the landlady that she's rented the apartment next door), and he's disappeared by that day (because SuanSoon goes to look for him and the landlady tells him he's already disappeared). So TT!SS and Ongsah only have a little more time together, and then TT!SS will go back to the future....and there's no way Ongsah actually stays away, right? So will the rest of the show be the two of them as adults talking through this decision SuanSoon made that Ongsah has had to carry with him for the last ten years? How will that possibly fill 8 more episodes???

I'm also still unsure why TT!SS had not met Ongsah's friends and boss. Was he just like, suddenly good at remembering to be a time traveller, or does Ongsah keep SuanSoon from them, out of fear they'd put it together somehow that Ongsah's new boyfriend SuanSoon is an awful lot like TT!SS who used to tutor them but younger? It would be kind of weird, but also quite the leap.... and if so how the heck does he manage that??? Does Ongsah kick these people out of his life? Did TT!SS rob Ongsah of these important relationships (unintentionally) with his selfishness?

Also, why does Ongsah cry when SuanSoon eats ice cream??? (When they were going to get ice cream this episode I was like ahA! Here it is! But nope Ongsah wasn't even there for that conversation and it didn't explain anything).

If it isn't a linear, immutable timeline after all, then why put so much effort into establishing it as one?

And what was with that phone call???? (if it was just about SuanSoon not hearing TT!SS talk to him, he could have just left his headphones in). Who was calling and why?

If these butterflies are about love, why are they only appearing in EP4????? (to be fair I think they did appear in ep1 briefly).

Ok that was a rant. In summary, I'm mad that TT!SS as a character is being cruel to two teenagers (his future boyfriend and his younger self) and is too busy illogically taking accountability for his boyfriend's car accident to take accountability for his actual behaviour. And it's not clear to me right now that the show knows just how cruel he's been. This part I won't pass judgment on yet, because there's more show to come, but I am side-eyeing it. Hard.

I'm also, less fairly, mad that TT!SS is less competent than I hoped he was being as a time traveller. (This is a personal failing of mine; I have a competency kink and when a character is incompetent I find it harder to like them, and sometimes I'll read competency where it doesn't exist just because I want it to have been there).

I'm more fairly mad at this show for setting up so many cool timey-wimey things and then not following through, or not setting them up in a cool way. Like, we could have had more unexplained moments in ep 1 that we see TT!SS make happen in 3/4, but why show us TT!SS sneaking into SuanSoon's apartment just to move laundry that we didn't know had been moved until afterwards?

That phone call better be important later. And I better get a scene in which Ongsah watches SuanSoon eat ice cream and something meaningful happens!!

Well, I feel a little better.

Thinking about what's to come, we still need to set up that speech from TT!SS to SuanSoon in ep1 so that it makes any sense at all; as it stands if TT!SS is going to give up on his younger self meeting and falling in love with Ongsah, then what was that speech about to SuanSoon right before the Once theatre showing where SuanSoon and Ongsah meet? "Make yourself stronger. Respect yourself. And believe in love. Don't be alone". Is TT!SS hoping SuanSoon will open his heart to...someone else? How DARE he tell SuanSoon not to be alone when he is by his actions trying to make him more alone?? Maybe Ongsah will convince TT!SS over the next episode or two that actually he's worth risking his life for, and that speech is really meant for TT!SS as much as it's meant for SuanSoon? Is that again giving TT!SS too much credit?

it would potentially be cool if Ongsah also gets to time travel back to the past (we didn't get hints that this would be the case because the cast didn't talk about adult Ongsah's chemistry with the kids the way they did with adult SuanSoon, but maybe they've been hiding it) and undermine some of what TT!SS has been doing, to keep the timeline linear and maybe explain a few open threads (like the phonecall!!!!!), and to make things a bit more equal (I'm thinking about all of those great conversations around Be My Favorite, and the inequality of time travel in a relationship). I would also be into a really heavy reckoning for adult SuanSoon when he gets back to the present by adult Ongsah, because in theory Ongsah has had to live with the knowledge that SuanSoon was willing to sabotage their relationship for the past decade, and that's got to mess up a person (and a relationship), and TT!SS deserves to be yelled at a lot. But that wouldn't be a very timey-wimey back half, so would be a weird thing to take up the remainder of the show. Maybe we get an It's A Wonderful Life situation, where SuanSoon gets to see what their lives would be like if his attempt had worked, so that he can understand his value in Ongsah's life, ideally before he gives that speech to his younger self?

I don't know. I'm just so mad at SuanSoon for his calmly and carefully setting out to break Ongsah's heart and ruin his own younger self's happiness with barely any justification, and I am feeling disappointed that the show doesn't feel as tight as it did in eps 1 and 2. What could potentially bring this show back for me is if it becomes about TT!SS realizing how bad the decisions he's making are, and being brought around to young Ongsah and SuanSoon getting together after all, and apologizing to Ongsah for the (intentional or not) mindgames, maybe. I'm also wondering about pacing and whether they were just given too much time in a 12-episode series to tell this particular story (though it's definitely too soon to make a call like that).

[Also shout-out to @nothingsbetterthancoffee for chatting with me about this show in the DMs and helping me with my sense of the timeline by sharing dates!]

[hikennosabo]

random knives thoughts (trimax vol 7)

my vol 7 post is getting long and i have so much to say about knives that i think he deserves his own post, lol. and this got way longer than i expected it would.

not sure how to structure this though. i guess i'll just... go in chapter order.

this volume is a LOT to take in, in general, but also with regards to knives specifically. we see past and present versions, and the difference is night and day.

^ i love this scene of rem scolding knives so much, because it's just so... normal. a normal mother and son interaction. he was just a normal kid.

i also love this next scene, and i want to go through it slowly.

knives is so worried about conrad's reaction to them. he can't make eye contact. his face is red. he's trying to talk politely. he's trembling and sweating. compared to vash, who looks a little concerned, but relatively nonplussed.

i love how this is the only question conrad asks, and the two of them immediately answer. that's all that's needed.

i love the panel of knives crying so much. i can't imagine him crying like this as an adult... he's so emotional about all this. and i love vash comforting him by putting his arm around him. vash has to say "thank you" because knives is crying so much he can't even speak. knives was such a sweet kid, y'all.

and then there's this. now conrad is scolding knives like a parent, too. it's just. everything about this interaction is so sweet. it almost paints a picture of what could have been. things could have been different in another timeline. ugh ugh ugh

knives being the sensitive one, and the one with so much hope and confidence that plants and humans can get along, it hurts. it's almost hard to believe that the twins basically swapped in their outlooks and attitudes from being kids to adults.

^ that being said, put a pin in this.

^ not posting this one for any particular reason other than i think that knives being a little hackerman is so cute

^ i NEED to include these panels, though, because it's such a sibling moment. if you couldn't tell (lol), i love the bits of normal familial interactions we see, and the twins' scenes specifically just serve to emphasize how wrong everything is in the present day.

"since when have we been so different?" ...the line in tristamp which kills me the most. (if this line appears in a future volume i might actually just climb right into the microwave.)

and then we get the tesla scene. it's already been discussed at length, but knives being so traumatized that he passed out is just. so much. it broke him. it broke him!! and he slept through everything after that. it seems like a small mercy, compared to vash's self-starvation and suicide attempt, but in the long run... it wasn't. he wasn't able to work through his emotions with rem like vash did. he didn't hear the blank ticket story, or see rem cry.

aaand then he wakes up and immediately pretends to have amnesia. i'm gonna be honest, i wasn't actually sure at first if he was lying or not. but his anger and grief and fear are too extreme for it to be a reaction to simply "rem calmly explaining what happened." although i also thought the twins Forgetting Traumatic Events could be like. a running thing here. maybe.

also his "?" face is so cute. (somehow i forgot to include this one in my knives baby pictures post...)

the chapter 3 title kills me btw.

"i thought it would be better if he still knew the truth." i wonder if vash blames himself for knives's breakdown because of this. (he would've had a breakdown anyway...) and there's something to be said here about vash thinking this when he's the one who ends up blocking out traumatic memories in the future. thanks to knives, no less.

his conversation with rem kills me, also. "are you trying to bear all of this by yourself?" "yeah. i am." he just. admits it. and his expressions are so muted now compared to previous chapters. rem is trying but unfortunately she didn't try hard enough.

the mom-son hug... :( the way he clings to her. he's thinking about revenge, but it's so clear that he still loves his mom.

and that leads right into this. it's still a little while in between this and knives making the ships fall, but, i don't know, with the way he breaks out of the hug, then turns away, then turns back to say thank you, it feels like this is knives's goodbye to rem. like this is when he steels his resolve, almost. maybe i'm reading too much into it, idk. plus he looks so tired. he looks more like his adult self now.

it's more like he's telling himself this, rather than telling vash. he's choosing to be angry instead of afraid. (or acting like it, at least.) and with his face in shadow like in the flashbacks earlier in the story...

^ PAGES THAT KILL ME. the last sense of normalcy right before disaster. knives's expressions don't seem insincere here. maybe he was allowing himself some happiness before the execution of his plan.

and then, of course, we see him having a fucking breakdown.

they hurt to look at, but i love these pages so much. his face divided in two by shadow, tears on one side, blood on the other... he's. conflicted about his actions, to say the least.

but when he succeeds, he has no choice but to lean into it, yknow? no time for regrets.

^ me when i lie. honey, you don't look rational.

and then we smash cut to the present day.

i love this panel. knives looks so small here.

and i ADORE this page so much. it's gorgeous; poignant, even. and we've never seen knives kneel like this before. man, this volume has such good knives images. (also i was rereading this chapter with my music on shuffle and 'take me to church' started playing while i was looking at this page. interesting experience)

there is. so much in this scene. knives expresses regret for killing plants in the big fall. knives saying - STILL saying - that he's angry rather than afraid.

a lot has been said about knives's hypocrisy already, but there's something to be said about knives criticizing humanity, and saying that humans will selfishly consume plants "like parasites"... and then essentially doing that himself. absorbing other plants so he can use their energy instead of his own.

i think the phrasing he uses is interesting, though. it's almost as if he's asking the plant rather than using force. the gentle way he puts his hand on the glass, too. showing more respect to her than to his own brother. i mean, i guess it doesn't really matter because non-independent plants don't have free will anyway(?), and maybe that's exactly why he's acting like this(??), but. idk. it's interesting.

^ including this page for no reason other than it fucks severely.

and then finishing the chapter and seeing the chapter title again is just. ugh. like, so much happens in between the start and the end that you kinda forget what the title is and then it hits you like a truck. king of loneliness.

^ another page i'm including for the sole reason that it fucks severely.

^ yet ANOTHER spread that i absolutely adore, but i have more to say about it this time lol. i'm obsessed with how beautiful this page is, it's a renaissance painting to me. it's just the contrast of it all. knives, the villain, in a delicate pose, juxtaposed against the body horror, sleeping peacefully with fabric draped all around. the majority of the spread being white creates a sense of purity and also contrasts beautifully with the use of black in the other two knives spreads i posted above. instantly one of my favorite pages in the manga. and he's absorbed, what, three or four plants by now? making his aura so powerful even when he's asleep. which makes this image of him snoozing even more uncanny in context.

...now that i think about it, knives sleeps a lot, doesn't he? he's essentially "asleep" at the beginning of the manga until he gets resurrected, he passed out from trauma as a child, there was that time in volume 4 when he was soooo eepy and yawned in legato's face, and now this...

:( it's been said already, but knives has turned tesla into a symbol, much like vash with rem. if tesla had this power, what would she have done? we'll never know.

"i won't let you," he says. knives. honey. some self-reflection, please. whose fault was it that he ever used those powers at all. i'm begging you. LOOK INWARD.

^ more like millions guns lol. but actually i just wanted to point out he manifests 13 guns! thirteen, like the ghg! or it's just a coincidence.

knives insisting that this is a war... things to say when you're definitely not afraid of humans you swear. and then we get the dialogue from tristamp episode 12 from the scene that kills me the most.

at this point i said to myself (which isn't the first time i've had this thought reading trigun, and won't be the last), "why can't they just talk to each other like normal people?" LOL yeah so we're taking that pin out from way earlier in this post: "we can work through a few little differences if we just talk to each other." but if knives was capable of doing that, well the story wouldn't be happening at all, now would it? the concept of talking it out became impossible to him the moment he and vash discovered tesla.

also damn that post about knives seeing vash as an extension of himself wasn't kidding! i don't think i can add anything else to that, just. yep, it's literal!

aaaand anything else i have to say will have to be in my volume 7 post proper because i've hit the image limit LMAO. i just. wow. knives. what a character. what a villain. i'm rotating him in my mind like a rotisserie chicken.

[bi-bard]

There's So Much I Wanna Tell You, But I Don't Know If It'll Fit - Joel Miller Imagine [The Last of Us]

Title: There's So Much I Wanna Tell You, But I Don't Know If It'll Fit

Pairing: Pre-Outbreak!Joel Miller X Reader

Word Count: 1,177 words

Warning(s): none that I know of

Summary: [Inspired by "Sunday Crossword" by J. Maya] Joel and (Y/n) attempt to maintain a boundary between them. However, their feelings grow regardless of what they want and they're left questioning if that boundary was set out of respect or out of fear.

Author's Note: I'm working on the next part of this OC, but I wanted to write something simple and cute.

--------------------

There was a period of time when I was convinced that I was happier before I met Joel.

It felt like there was a lot less stress then.

It wasn't that Joel didn't treat me well. He did. Very well. But that on its own was a problem.

Joel and I had been going on casual dates for a while. Coffee or lunch together, we'd meet for a movie or a drink, we'd go for walks together. It was all very... safe.

Joel never stayed the night at my house. I had never even been to his. We never used any kind of label for what we were. We were seeing each other, we were exclusive, but calling ourselves seemed careless. In all honesty, it felt like I was in high school all over again.

I always understood Joel's hesitance. He had a daughter. I had never heard a dad talk so much about how proud they were of their kid. He saw her as nothing less than the sun. I could just see it. Bringing anyone new into his life had to be done with caution because they would become a part of her life too. I respected that.

But that didn't change my growing feelings for him. I couldn't count the number of times that I had to physically bite my tongue to keep myself from saying that I loved him.

It was awful.

The dynamic that I had with Joel was something that I had imagined having. Sweet and loving and funny. It was almost perfect.

And yet, I couldn't say the one thing that I wanted to say most.

I didn't think that I ever would get that chance.

Until we went to the movies one night.

I had mentioned to Joel that there was a horror movie coming out that I had wanted to go see. He offered to go with me one weekend while Sarah was over at a friend's house.

"'28 Days Later,'" Joel read off the ticket as we waited at concessions. "Never heard of it."

"It's set in London after some kind of illness has set in and turned the people into monsters driven by pure rage," I explained.

"I see... social commentary?"

"Shut up," I replied, chuckling at him. "You'll like it. I think. If you don't... I'll pay for dinner next time."

"You've got yourself a deal," he grinned at me. I nodded.

There was a moment before I spoke up again, "Thank you for this, by the way."

"You've got nothing to thank me for," he muttered before leaning over to kiss the side of my head. I felt myself bite my tongue as he leaned back. It was an instinct now.

Despite all of the hesitation, moments like these were the best.

Or they usually were.

When Joel leaned back, I saw him look past me and his face dropped. I furrowed my eyebrows and turned around, looking for someone who was looking at us.

"Joel," I said once I didn't see anyone. "What's going on?"

"My daughter's here," he replied.

"Really," I asked.

He nodded.

"You said that she was at a friend's house."

"Because I thought she was," he explained. "I didn't know they had plans to come see a movie."

I chuckled.

"What?"

"You're acting like a teenager getting caught by their parents," I shrugged. "I'm not sneaking into your room so we can make out. We're two adults on a date."

"I just... I wanted to plan this better."

"I know," I nodded. "But the universe doesn't really give a shit what you plan."

"Yeah... you're right."

A new voice joined the conversation, "Dad?"

"Here we go," he muttered before looking at his daughter. "Hey... what are you doing here?"

"Could ask you the same question," she crossed her arms over her chest.

"I'm here to see a movie," he said. "With a friend."

I waved. "I'm (Y/n)."

Sarah looked back and forth between us for a few moments. "Are you guys on a date?"

I tried to hide the shocked laugh that wanted to escape me. I looked over at Joel, who didn't look away from her.

"Yeah... we are," Joel admitted. "We have been for a little while now."

"I knew it!" she pointed at him. "I knew you didn't have that many friends to be meeting that often."

"Hey!" he replied.

"Anyway," she turned to me. "It's nice to meet you. I have to get back to my friends."

I nodded. "Have fun. It was nice meeting you too."

I turned back to Joel, who was very clearly tense. Again, he looked like a teenager getting caught by his parents.

"Hey," I touched his arm. "That went about as well as could be expected."

"Yeah, yeah... you're right."

"I often am."

"Alright," he mumbled. "Come on. Line's moving."

I just chuckled to myself before continuing to walk forward.

We stayed pretty much silent until we got into the theater. We were early, mostly because of my insistence. We found our spots, waiting for the rest to fill up and for the film to start.

I felt my mind starting to wander. The thing that Joel was most worried about was his daughter. But now, I've met her. We seemed to be fine with each other, even though it had only been a few moments. So... that should be at least somewhat resolved. Right?

I didn't need to hesitate anymore, right?

"You alright?"

I looked over at Joel when he spoke up.

"You're not already scared enough to leave, are you?"

"Shut up," I nudged him. "It's nothing. I'm fine."

He raised an eyebrow at me.

"I just... I need to say something and I don't know how you're gonna respond to it," I said. "It's... It's nothing bad. I don't think so, at least."

"Then I probably won't think so either," he replied. "Come on... tell me."

I took a deep breath before speaking up. "Joel... I love you."

There was a long pause. One where we were just looking at each other and not a single word was spoken. I felt a sense of dread in my stomach. I wanted to go hide in a hole somewhere. I had overstepped. I had been so careful and I still fucked it up. And now I was gonna lose the best thing that I had ever had.

I was ready to push myself out of my seat and leave him there. "I'm sorry-"

"Hey," Joel grabbed my hand. "I... I love you."

"Really?"

"Yeah... I just... I didn't want to rush you into something."

"Oh," I muttered. "That's why I didn't say anything."

"A pair of geniuses here, aren't we," he chuckled, relaxing a bit more into his seat.

"Yeah, guess so.

I leaned over and hesitantly rested my head on his shoulder. I only truly relaxed when I heard a quiet hum come from Joel as he did so.

I grinned to myself.

And just like that, the best thing I had ever had became even better.

--------------------

Author's Note: For just a dash of additional heartbreak, the U.S release of 28 Days Later was in June of 2003, so this all happened and then Joel and (Y/n) got like three months together before the world went to shit.

--------------------

Navigation Guide

What I Write For

Some Original Characters

[da-bestest-writer]

Unnamed Baki Next gen au. part 1

The main character is Tomoe Hanma

she's Baki and Kozue's daughter, Obviously considering her name and the kind of au this is.

She would probably start the 'series' at around 12-14, and sheltered from the fighting world by her parents. as far as she knows initially is that her father was an amateur martial artist who didn't get to go professional since her mom thought it'd be dangerous.

she knows of her grandfather to a degree, Mostly that her mother doesn't like him very much, While her dad's relationship with him is very comploicated, She's a clever enough girl to realize it was abusive but not to what extent.

Eventually Yujirou comes for a surprise visit for her birthday. And initially seems to be a /mostly/ normal grandfather, Sure he lacks social graces, and he gets really intense about things,, And he speaks like a character from her favorite fighting manga But he's not scary in the slightest.

Baki and Kozue decide to humor Yujiro, and the day goes on as normal, Until Tomoe overhears her father and grandfather talking. "Ya know baki, I was real dissapointed when i heard your woman gave birth to a girl, Even more so when the idiot doctors she trusted so much more or less made her infertile. " Yujiro spoke, Making Tomoe's heart sink a little, Was she a disappointment?"But, She's still my blood, And yours too... I shouldn't be disappointment in her lack of potential, Because as a hanma it's certainly there, But i am pretty pissed at you for not helping her to bring it out."

"c'mon dad, " Her own father starts to speak "It's not like she has to follow the same path we did, She's just a kid. If she wants to pick up fighting she'll do it on her own time, When she's an adult." Tomoe listened intently. "I'm not interested in being the strongest in the world, And i don't need my child to be either. She's Tomoe hanma and she's her own person."

Yujiro leaves it alone at that, The conversation shifts to more normal family stuff, Almost as if they knew she was listening in... \

Later on, When its time to open gifts, Yujiro steps forward with a pair of tickets. "Here kid" Yujiro says with a smirk that would almost be mistaken as dangerous if he weren't her granpa "Two tickets to Androv Dade's title defense match,Tonite at 7:30"

Kozue has none of it, She looks ready to throw hands with her father in law then and there. Fighting is dangerous, And barbaric, she's not letting her kid see such things...

Baki puts his hand on her shoulder comfortingly. "Aw, C'mon now, It's not like she'd be getting in the ring. It's juist a way for her to spend time with her grandpa, Nothing more." Though Tomoe can hear some distrusting tension in her father's voice, The subject is left alone for the time being.

Later that night, Yujiro and Tomoe go to the Tokyo dome to watch the fight. And Androv Dade winds up winning the match very quickly.

The arrogant romanian begins taunting the crowd, Saying he has pleanty of gas in the tank and he'd take on any man there. Taking that as an invitation, Yujiro steps into the ring.

"Is this really the world's greatest welterweight? Even the world class punching bags of my day had more talent in their left pinky than you've got! A little girl without a day of training in her life could take you out!"

Dade questions who Yujiro is to say such things, Only for the old, but No less powerfully built man to reveal the dreaded demon back, Flexing hard enough for his shirt to disintegrate. "They used to call me the ogre, When i was a young man. You should be honored to even be standing here with me... I can see the excitement in your eyes. But i'm not the one challenging you. "

He leaps back to the stands, and with ease picked up Tomoe with his hands on her shoulders. "Meet my granddaughter! "

[littleragondin]

I'm stuck at home and already in pain so I guess it's time for:

Absolute Zero Wednesday!

Last week's first episode suggested that I would get everything I expect and want from a melancholic story directed by New Siwaj, so I am going into episode 2 pretty confident.

- That little breakfast scene between the teens is adorable! "Where's your boyfriend, being so nice?/ Where is your boyfriend, being so cute?" I am not immune to young love being sappy.

- This is going to be a Hands Show and I am so, SO here for that.

- I am so happy to see that Ongsa's parents have welcomed Suansoon in their family, really. Also I knew the casting was stellar but it's always a pleasure to see Um Apasiri!! (Tom Phollawat too)

- teen!Ongsa is really far too chill with being followed like that by a whole grown man, even if I agree with him that sad adult!Soon does not look very threatening.

- on that subject, Teng Kanist's sad eyes and soft voice are incredible. I always expect excellent criers from any New's production, but I am so taken by adult!Soon and the way he exudes melancholy, it's not even funny

- Sine Inthira!! (*˘︶˘*).｡.:*♡

- Ongsa's friend group seems perfectly darling, even if Ohm is risking his life a few times in there, and I am happy that we'll get to see a bit more of them.

- Ah. None of the softness could make me ignore what was to come, and the come back of the ticket situation to finish the episode was a nice and expected (if painful) thrill.

Overall, that second episode was as beautiful as the first one. The visuals are still a delight and the pacing is still working perfectly for me.

Ongsa's crush on adult!Suansoon is absolutely adorable, baby boy truly likes them soft and sad uh. The way he pretends to need tutoring right after we're being told he's good at physics?? throw me back to my 17th year lol (never had more interest and better grades in physics than the year I had a crush on the research assistant and his pink sweaters xd)

I also like how obviously Suansoon's affection for Ongsa bleeds out of him, in the way he looks at and interacts with the boy he fell in love with and who will become the man he shares his life with. He is in such a tender and painful place when he time travels: he just went through the loss of a major mentor figure in his life, and he is now losing the love of his life. I can see why he would go with the flow when given that strange opportunity to spend some more time with Ongsa, even if it's the one from ten years ago (after all, it is the same person, the same smiling and caring person he loves in his present, the one he will love in his past).

Things are going to become really serious 'time shenanigans' wise next week! Of course I read the synopsis so i have some ideas, but I can't wait to see how Suansoon is going to impact his own future and how this is going to play out for the four of them.

[harryforvogue]

Part One | Chapter Four: Not One To Admit Fault

Greenwich Village, New York

May 1919

The walk back home from the school on Thursday is when I let my mind wander away from Harry and my job. They preoccupy nearly all of my thoughts, I rarely have the time to think about how my day is and if there's anything aside from those two subjects that has been bothering me. My interactions with adults are at an all time low, the last time they'd been this low having been back in France when I'd take care of my siblings when my parents were away at work. I've always had a likening for children, though I've never considered having my own. I couldn't burden myself or Harry with a child.

Thea completely agrees with me. She thinks children only ruin the relationship between two lovers, coming in between and separating them like the plague. While I don't believe this to be true and it's not my reason to not have children, it's a thought to consider. The little intimacy I currently have with Harry would be reduced to nothing. Of course Harry would have to touch me in order for me to become pregnant. And that idea seems laughable enough.

There my thoughts go again, returning back to Harry. I imagine him in bed, reading one of his many books he brought back from the war. When he showed up at New York Pennsylvania Station, his duffel bag was filled with books from places he visited, and I didn't have to pry about them to learn he'd grown very fond of them, reading them even if he didn't understand the language. One of the books is in French. Harry doesn't know French, or at least not enough to string together a coherent sentence, which makes his keeping the book comical to me.

Seeing this particular book in a different language made me realize just the tip of how much Harry changed during the months I didn't see him, transforming into a stranger altogether. Harry would have laughed at books he didn't understand, making fun of the way I read them out loud in certain voices to portray the truth of French nature. Now, he often sleeps with the various books cradled to his chest. On a few occasions, I've tried to remove them from his grasp in an attempt to help him sleep better, but he always rouses and quietly asks me to return his belongings to him.

I don't mind giving into him when he asks for those small things. If it helps him find peace, then I will not be the one to ruin it for him.

When I arrive at home, I sense that the atmosphere is different. I'm not sure what gives it away: the smell of the meat on the stove or the absence of the blanket that's usually thrown over the sofa where Harry naps. Cautiously, I step into the house after removing my shoes and jacket, dabbing at the back of my sweaty neck.

"Harry?"

I find him in the kitchen silently slicing some cucumbers, slowly and deliberately to keep all the pieces uniform. When he hears my shoes, he looks up and lays the knife down, sliding it away. He blinks at me. "I made dinner. Bags are all packed up too."

"Oh. That was quick."

"Just ready to get out of here."

It strikes me that Harry doesn't understand he will be returning to this place in less than three days time. I'm unsure what kind of fantasy he's living in, but this fake world he's made in his head isn't permanent and I'm worried to see the repercussions. One thing seems to be similar between both Harry's and that's his stubbornness. I can tell his mind is made up and everything I say will fall upon with deaf ears.

Luckily for him, I don't have complaints. I've already packed my bags and set them in the living room by the couch.

I eat dinner quietly, looking at Harry. He stares behind me, eyes distanced and hazy as he daydreams about something I've yet to figure out, unblinking.

"Should we buy tickets tonight?" I finally say, putting my wine glass down.

He blinks and looks back at me, eyes slightly wet due to the uncomfortable prick of dryness. He looks at me with an expression that suggests he hasn't thought about getting a head start on tickets for tomorrow. I lay my napkin down and explain, "To make sure tickets don't sell out. After all, it's May. People will be traveling everywhere."

My proposal goes right over his head. "Do you think there will be a crowd tomorrow?"

"Well," I repeat. "It's May. And the weekend. I imagine everyone is going to be traveling."

"Should we go earlier?"

Harry finds large crowds daunting though I'm not sure how I know this given the fact that Harry hasn't had the opportunity to be in a particularly large crowd. And a crowd of children in a classroom doesn't count.

"I'm not sure we can go earlier considering I'm done with work at 3. I can meet you right at the door and make sure we get out as soon as possible, but any time earlier than that isn't possible for me."

Harry nods stiffly, eyes dimming. "Fine, but we'll be there before half past three. That's when the children are let out."

"We don't want those rascals ruining our trip," I say, smiling, hoping for a better response from him, but he doesn't say anything, ducking his head to continue eating.

***

On Friday, Harry's waiting for me outside our house a quarter after three, leaning against the door. He sees me down the street and grabs both suitcases, meeting me halfway.

"You're right on time," he comments, holding my suitcase out for me.

I smile, taking it, purposefully brushing my hand against his. "You know I take punctuality quite seriously." We arrive at the bus stop. Harry checks the paper with the directions and then sits down on the bench, sighing. It only takes us a few minutes to get to the station. We could have walked, but Harry's very adamant about avoiding the children.

I don't expect the station to be busy based on the lack of people on the street. Once we get there, I'm happy to be proven right when the cool station is empty. We descend the stairs and buy tickets to New Brunswick.

One glance at Harry's face tells me what he's thinking of, despite my recent realization that his expression had become nearly impossible for me to read except on occasions where he's beyond uncomfortable. The change is almost immediate as we step onto the platform and I expect him to grab onto something, the railing of the stairs or, possibly, my arm, however the tight hold I so desperately anticipate is never graced upon me. I watch the battle as it becomes more transparent on his face with the on guard expression and the combination of the bag handles being tightly clutched between his fingers. The knuckles crack and grow pink with strain, yet my ever so stubborn husband does not pause to catch his breath or look at me to silently ask if he could have a moment alone. We continue to the platform and stand near one of the pillars.

The train is due to arrive in four minutes, the platform surprisingly empty. I can hear the echoes of my heels as I tap them in place, eagerly craning my neck to see the train as the horn blows in the distance. The platform is empty until the last two minutes before the train arrives and large crowds of late people enter the station, laughing and talking loudly.

A tic forms in Harry's jaw, but he doesn't say anything. Instead of glancing back at the newcomers like I do, menacingly, to get them to be quiet, Harry avoids eye contact altogether and instead chooses to focus on a spot on the track until the train is standing still in front of us.

There is limited space to sit in this train, but Harry continues to lead us to the final car before settling our suitcases in the overhead compartment. As if he's done this multiple times, he tucks them in, secures them, removes his jacket, and gestures to me to sit by the window. Then, he tucks our tickets on the seat ahead of us and finally takes a breath. It's far quieter on the last train.

Our knees brush ever so slightly and I can't help but feel overwhelmed by the sudden touch, reaching out to gently lay my hand over his.

"You're alright," I tell him firmly.

The tic in his jaw returns as he nods. "It's a two hour ride until we change trains in New Jersey. Best catch some sleep if you want. Are you hungry?"

"Not yet."

"Sleep then. Lay your head against the window."

I smile, giving his hand a squeeze. Our wedding rings shine up at us. "Only if you promise me you'll sleep too."

His eyes are dark when he looks at me so I know his next words won't be sincere, but it's his attempt at relaxing me so I take all that I can. It's an effort I'm looking for after all. "Okay," he tells me.

Releasing his hand, I remove my own jacket and bundle it up, pressing it against the window to form a makeshift pillow. The sun shines directly into my face, warming my entire body. I feel Harry's eyes on me. I let myself fall asleep only to briefly wake up for a second to feel the train lurch forward, and then fall back to sleep again.

The sleep, however, only lasts about half an hour and the rest of the trip is spent looking out the window, watching the city disappear and the sparkling ocean appear, making my eyes squint as I try to catch a glimpse of something across the water. Harry once joked with me that if I looked hard enough, I'd be able to see England. As hard as I strain my eyes, I'm unable to make out any buildings on the other side of the ocean, my forehead pressed to the glass.

Harry's still awake besides me, reading one of the books he brought from war. This one is in English, and he seems to be immersed in it because he doesn't catch my eyes watching him for a few minutes.

"It's really beautiful," I finally say. Harry looks up and slants me a look.

"Beautiful?" he asks. "What is?"

You, I think. "The ocean. I'm excited to swim in it."

He looks over my head at the ocean, his own eyes squinting at the shimmering water. "Yes," he says, closing his book softly. "Me too. Did you finish everything at work? I hope you didn't have to rush."

"I didn't. All my students were barely paying attention anyways. Sometimes I wish we could have class outside because they all stare outside the window."

"I'm sure they're glad that you're not a strict teacher."

"How do you know I'm not a strict teacher?"

"I don't think I've ever heard you yell at anyone except me." A flicker of remembrance in his eyes.

I laugh quietly, resting my head back. "You have done some things in the past that required me to yell at you. So you can have some sense knocked into you."

"I can't argue with that." He refuses to look at me. "I used to be quite stupid."

My laughter dies slowly. Harry puts his book away and looks out my window once more, the golden sunlight striking his face beautifully. The scar cutting through his brow nearly disappears, returning immediately when we pass through a tunnel.

I decide to continue in a light tone, wary of jostling him or triggering any ill memories. "It's only been less than a year. Can't say your past self. And how do I know you've become smarter?"

His green eyes finally meet mine, an eyebrow rising in question. "Maybe you can't tell, but I consider myself quite smarter now."

I rest my head on my palm, smiling at him. "Oh, I completely agree, mon chéri. Maybe one day I'll see that, but right now--" I trail off, watching his expression take a dive.

"Please," he says coldly. "Don't call me that."

There are many things that frighten Harry, and the average person would laugh at them. When I enter the house and slam the door a little too loud, when my heels pound against the floor, when I wake him up from a deep sleep, and even my touch, and while I've become accustomed to seeing him becoming startled over these minuscule things, nothing quite settles heavy on my chest as his frightened reaction to the pet name I've called him for years.

It slips out after months of using his name to address him. Under the wrongful impression that he's comfortable, I've called him a term of endearment only he answers to, and I see the alarm on his face, his mouth open as he tries to come up with an answer. His eyelashes flutter with confusion and turmoil, unsure what to say. Finally, he just shuts his mouth.

"Sorry," I say, confused myself, moving back to the window, looking outside again. The pain in my chest is like fire. I want to know why it bothers him, but I'm afraid I'll be offended even more.

He nods once and then reaches for his book, opening it without another word. I look away as if he's burned me, angry and hurt.

***

The New Brunswick train station isn't underground like New York Pennsylvania, so I get some fresh air. It's near a school, though I'm not sure which one.

Our next train arrives. We exchange trains and continue for another two hours.

Due to the tense ride, I'm happy to be in Atlantic City, standing in front of our room. The hot air causes the hair at the back of my neck and hairline to stick to my skin. Harry pushes the door of the hotel room we've purchased open with a rough motion and then lets me enter first.

The room is decorated in a very cliché manner, seashells and pirate anchors on the walls, blue and grey themes throughout. Our room has an oceanside view and a door that leads to a private balcony. The bed is no exception to the beach theme, an ocean blue spread over the sheets and headboard with a framed picture of a baby seahorse above the bed, hanging on the wall oddly. I put my bags down and stare at it as soon as we enter, Harry disappearing into the bathroom to splash some water onto his face. Hands on my hips and head tilted to the side, I inspect the room, my gaze lingering on the seahorse in particular.

"It's an odd choice, isn't it?" I remark, sitting on the bed. "It's massive."

"I imagine it's to add to the beach theme," Harry answers, toweling his face dry. He's taken off his coat, left in his shirt, sleeves rolled up, showing his strong arms.

I nod. "What if it falls on us?"

"Is that what you're worried about? Take it down then."

"No, I don't want to offend the caretakers."

"Leave it then."

I turn around to face him crossing my arms. "Do you think it's ever fallen on a couple when they're having sex?" I laugh to myself, imagining it. "If they're going at it too rough, I mean."

Harry doesn't take my comment as lightly, turning away to his suitcase. He props it on the bed with a big sigh, and unlocks it. "I imagine so."

Dissatisfied with this answer, I drop it. "Can we rest a bit before we head to dinner? My neck is quite stiff."

I suspect he doesn't realize I'm trying to coax him into the bed with me by the way he gives me a distracted nod, pulling out a thinner shirt while unbuttoning the one covering his body. "Go ahead."

Removing my shoes and tucking them under the bed, I crawl over to him, placing my hand cautiously on his wrist to stop his movements. This is when he properly looks at me for the first time since we've arrived and bought a room, a piercing gaze watching me carefully as if to debate my next move and stop it from happening. Noticing his guarded expression, I drop my hand and smile at him apologetically.

"I think you're tired as well. Lay down with me."

He clearly isn't expecting this because his face contorts into a look of sadness and regret, not irritation as I'd imagined and dreaded. He continues unbuttoning his shirt. "I'm not that tired."

"What will you do while I sleep then?"

"I can sit here."

"Well, isn't it easier to lay down rather than sit?"

Harry looks conflicted, the stern lines in his face returning. "Not sure that's a good idea."

I try not to sound too rejected, but it sounds unbelievable even to my own ears. "Is it me? Or is the bed too small? It's pretty comfortable from what I can tell."

He stares at me as if he can't believe what he's hearing. "Annaliese, I'm really not tired. That's all."

"Right. I just thought it would be smart to rest before we continue with the day. You just don't want to admit I'm right."

Now, I can tell his patience is thinning. He rolls his sleeves down. "I've just told you I'm not tired. I will sleep at night. I'm not stopping you from resting."

"Fine," I say, grabbing my pillow and pulling it towards me roughly.

Harry watches me pull the sheets back and lay my head against the pillow. When he removes his suitcase from the bed, the mattress springs back up, only adding to my misery. With the weight of the suitcase, I could at least pretend Harry's behind me, maybe contemplating snaking an arm around my waist to test it and then end up enjoying the warmth of my body pressed to his chest. It seems like a ridiculous idea when he sets the suitcase down, locks it and heads to the bathroom to change into something more summer appropriate.

I hear his heavy footsteps when he departs from the room and then the lock turning behind him. A few seconds later, Harry returns and stands in front of me, his hands stuck in his pockets.

"Don't be upset with me," he says stiffly. "I'm going for a walk." I don't reply and he quietly leaves again.

Once I'm sure he's not returning, I grab his pillow and angrily set it behind my back, creating a small body-like structure against my spine, curling against it as if it's my husband. With frustrated tears in my eyes, I fall asleep.

***

A cool drink on the beach as the sun continues to retreat is the type of vacation that satisfies me and, luckily, Harry as well. I notice his shoulders falling as he lays on the towel beside me, an arm thrown over his eyes, soaking up the sun right before it departs. His own glass rests empty between us. His pale skin creates a beautiful contrast against the dark blue hue of his towel and shirt. I wonder what he's thinking of, sun blocked from reaching his face, just his lips visible.

His mouth stays in a firm line as usual. I search for the smile lines that were once deeply embedded in his face besides his set of dimples, but I find nothing but clean soft skin. His lips are pink, cupid's bow dipping just the slightest bit for barely anyone to notice except me, whose mouth was once very good friends with him. I know the shape of his lips even if I close my eyes. There's no reason to trace them and draw them in my mind when I can just picture them in the brief moments when I blink. I know their soft touch when he's taking his time and their urgent, frustrated touch when he's a minute from bursting. I can tell when he's worried due to the bites on his lips and I can tell when he's unable to breathe by how swollen his lips are from my kisses. I'm responsible for more than half of the treatment of his lips.

I have to restrain myself from looking back at him as I control my urges to lean over and press my mouth to his. He'll be upset, no doubt, but angry as well. I look at the water instead, focusing on a massive wave that looks big enough to consume me, knowing it won't reach me from my position in the middle of the sand.

Harry stirs next to me and then slowly pushes himself onto his knees. I'm not ready to look at him just yet.

"When do you want to head back? The hotel said late dinner ends at 7."

It's still warm outside, the beach nearly empty. I look at the golden sun. "Soon. I want to watch the sun set."

I see Harry's head nod as he lays back down, arm over his eyes again. "Alright. When the sun sets, then."

***

The sun sets and we return to our room, ordering food there. We sit on the bed, side to side, quietly eating, waiting for the other person to say something striking to start a conversation. It's usually me, so I wait for him to say something first. I wonder if he can feel the awkwardness between us as we eat.

Prior to the war, Harry and I wouldn't run out of things to talk about, whether it be gossip about other people or unimportant things to talk just to talk. If we weren't talking, we'd be arguing. I loved arguing with Harry.

In the end, Harry's the one who says the first thing, though I want to jump him when he does. "I've asked for extra sheets."

I put my fork down to resist the urge to hurl it. As calmly as possible, I reply, "I'm happy to take the floor so you can have the bed."

My casual tone isn't believable. He stands up and puts his plates back on the cart. Instead of returning, he leans against the wall, jaw tight, staring at the floor as if trying to figure out his words. I finish my last bite and put the plate beside me. Harry picks his head up and takes it. He puts it on the cart, wheels it out of the room, and then returns to his place across me.

He finally gathers his strength and looks at me square in the eye, causing a chill to run down my spine. "I wish I could explain it," he says, brows furrowed, crossing his arms. "You asked me earlier if it was you."

I swallow. "Well, is it?"

"God, no. It's not you."

I frown, nodding, twisting the sheets between my fingers. "Is it anything that I can help with?"

Harry looks away, posture stiff. "Annaliese, don't you think I would have asked you to help if it were something you could fix?"

"I don't know, Harry," I reply, narrowing my eyes at him. "You've barely spoken to me so I wouldn't know."

He looks at me blankly. "Do you think I enjoy not being able to talk to you?"

"Do you think I enjoy being far away from you?" I counter, rising to my knees before letting my feet touch the floor, walking to him. He walks back a bit until his body touches the wall. "Do you think I like living in the same place as someone who doesn't want to speak with me?"

"I am not going to argue with you. We're on a holiday. I'm just telling you that there are things I prefer not to talk about and our sleeping arrangements is one of the topics I'd like to avoid."

"I want you to argue with me. I don't care if you get angry or yell. I will take anything from you at this point." I hold my arms out, open and inviting. "Do you see how desperate I am?"

His eyes bounce over my face from my eyes to my nose to my lips and then all over again. His jaw is tight and I'm unsure if he'll even grant me an answer, but to my surprise, he does.

"What do you want from me?" he asks, eyes darkening. "What do you want, Annaliese? Because I'll tell you what I will not do so you better not ask for that. I will not be sleeping next to you. I will not be touched and I will not be interrogated for answers. I don't want to argue with you, so let me have that. I'm not asking a lot from you."

The lack of affection and interaction between us has been an unspoken rule. From the first time Harry flinched from my touch or moved away from me in the middle of the night, I knew touching him too much would be dangerous territory. And it saddened me, but nothing amounts to the feeling in my chest hearing this out loud. This is what he wants. And he thinks he's asking me for something small. As if he's asking me to wash the dishes instead of him because he's too tired.

Stunned and hurt from his words, I take a step back, looking away from him. I twist my fingers nervously, and then nod once. "Fine."

"Thank you," he says, a bit more relaxed.

My eyes sting and I turn away, wounded. "Okay." I swallow and walk to my suitcase on the floor, eager to keep my face hidden from him. I want to bawl until my eyes are dry and my throat is raw, but it'll alarm him even more. "I can still take the floor if you'd like."

"No," he says firmly. "I'll take the floor. You said your neck--"

"My neck is fine now."

"It's alright, Annaliese."

At the sound of my name coming from his mouth, my tears break their barriers. They drip down my cheeks harder, and my fingers begin trembling. I press my palms to my eyes to hide both my tears and my hands, but my voice gives me away. "Okay."

"God, Annaliese," my husband says quietly, apology strung in his voice, automatically stepping closer to me. "Don't cry." He grabs tissues from the side table and holds them out for me. "Don't you dare cry over me, Annaliese, I swear."

"I will cry if I want to," I whisper, yanking the tissues from him, pressing them to my eyes. "If you can say you want your wife to stay far away from you--"

"I didn't say that--"

"Then I can cry if I want. I'm not asking much from you," I repeat his words back to him. "Understand?"

"You don't have to be stubborn about this," he says. "You don't get to cry over me."

Anger nearly makes my veins burst as I glance back at him and stand up, jabbing my finger into his chest. "I will cry if I want to."

Harry doesn't say anything. If he were the Harry I married, he'd do something. Maybe even laugh. But this strange Harry simply watches me with a locked jaw, the defiance in his eyes is as strong as it is in mine. He looks at me as if encouraging me to try again and if I do, he'll make me cry harder, knowing he has the ability to. I drop the tissues and wipe my face with my sleeves, walking around him.

"Why are you so fucking stubborn? I'm trying to have a conversation with you and you're making it seem like I've set the place on fire. Where are you going?"

I shut the bathroom door behind me, eager to put space between us. I need a cold shower. And time away from him.

This is not how I wanted our holiday to go.

[soursvgar]

Levi (is being the stan culture unofficial bf you may or may not have always wanted and) drags you to an adventure in the human world, you drag satan into this and yall end up wet ?! not clickbait

gn! reader, once again with the poly, a short fluffy fluff

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

"I can't believe you talked me into this." you grumble, nestling deeper inside your thick coat. Leviathan had convinced you to accompany him on a trip to the human world because he just had to be the first to score concert tickets of his favorite human world idol girl group, and who knows better about the human world antics other than you? Albeit the adoration of your expertise in how to socialize with your own species, Leviathan had forgotten to mention one tiny detail. You had to line up outside the entrance of the store along with other fans, in minus some degrees. Something your fragile human body wasn't too used to, specifically not after spending a good couple of months in the very depths of hell.

"Hey, it's not like I'm enjoying being out of my room either. If I could do that online, I would. But their fans crashed the servers on the day of the online sale, so this is our only option." Leviathan shrugged, unbothered by the low temperatures. After all, being a supernatural entity comes with its own perks, having a hardy body is only one of many.

"Your only option." You corrected, your shivering becoming more unbearable by the hour.

"What I can't understand is-" Satan unwraps his scarf from around his neck and gently ties it to yours, supplying you with at least some degree of comfort. "What am I doing here?" He heaves a sigh, kicking a pebble on the ground. Satan was promised a delightful trip to a famous cat cafe in the area, with plenty of fuzzy felines to pamper. Not camping in the cold weather with a bunch of strangers- and Levi.

"Well... I needed a responsible adult in case Levi gets approached by a human and says something weird, or decide to attack them over polarized opinions about their favorite member of the group." You fumble with the ends of the scarf, nuzzling your face into the soft fabric.

"And you thought Satan of all demons will be your guy?" Leviathan sneers, earning an exasperated look from his younger brother.

"He was the easiest to convince... with the exception of paying Mammon, but I feel like it would've been even more chaotic with him around." The two of them look at each other and then at you, defeated. They definitely have no argument to contradict that statement. "And I did mean to go to the cat cafe! I just didn't know we will have to be standing here for hours before we can get those tickets."

And then without a warning, the deafening rolling of a thunder booms and the heavy droplets are not late to follow. The rain is pouring cats and dogs (but not literally, to Satan's disappointment), drenching the three of you from head to toe. The shop owner announces the delay of the sale, requiring the now displeased attendees to leave the premises.

"This is so unfair! Who cares about a small drizzle? I need my tickets or I will simply combust." Leviathan whines at the failed attempt.

"It looks like a big storm is approaching, we should find a shelter." Satan exclaims and grabs your arm to lead you away while Leviathan trudges behind the two of you. You pass a few full cafes before stumbling upon a small, cozy looking book cafe. "This will do!" Satan asserts, definitely without a bias. You wriggle your way inside the cafe through the crowd of umbrellas, finally able to take the soaked garment off of you.

"This might not be a cat cafe, but it has heating for our shivering human so I guess that's good enough." Satan offers you an apologetic half smile. "I'll go get us some hot tea; you find us a place to settle down."

"Well, I always thought about the human world but you know, the devildom isn't exactly the worst." You return the smile, hoping to lighten up the mood.

"I mean... a place for us to sit, y/n. But I will take note of that comment." Satan chuckles, appreciating the sentiment. You then scope your surrounding in hopes to find a vacant table, spotting a fireplace across the room. Naturally, you walk over and place your hands in front of it to regain back some of your body warmth.

In the meantime, the shadow of one particular loner is quietly following your footsteps all the way to the fireplace, waiting until the two of you are secluded from the rest- and from a certain blonde haired demon. Leviathan practically clings to your arm to stop you from advancing any further.

"Hey, aren't you forgetting something? I mean, I know it's just me and I'm not worthy of anyone's attention but... your exchange is making me feel kind of... disposable." He gushes all at once. "I'm sorry if I made it look like the tickets were more important than your health, it isn't!! not to me! it's just that I've been wanting to watch their concert for so long and since it's a human world group it's not like I can see them whenever I want- augh, my point is, I'm really sorry. Please don't be mad, you're my best friend in the whole three worlds except Henry and-"

You peek at him, his cheeks are flushing as he keeps slurring his words incoherently, obviously too nervous for his own good.

"Levi!!! calm down. I'm not mad." You respond loudly enough to halt his word vomit.

"Woah what a reli-" And before he manage to complete his sentence, you pull him close, squeezing him in a tight hug. He would blame it on the heat omitted from the fireplace, but the sole reason behind his rosy cheeks is the heat of your body enclosing on his own.

Still jittery, he pulls away when he hears a cough. Satan had returned with three cups of green tea, placing the tray in front of you.

"I see you two were having fun... are you all nice and toasty by now, y/n?" He hums, sitting near you. Despite his nonchalant attitude, you sense the pang of jealousy in his voice, knowing you'll be trapped in a sticky situation if you make the avatar of wrath angry- or the avatar of envy, envious. Most definitely if it takes place in a small cafe in the middle of the human world. You decide to act quick, switching to sit in the space between the both of them.

"Hey Satan, I'm sorry we didn't get to go to the cat cafe... but at the very least, there is a cute cat in this cafe."

"Where??" Satan looks around frantically, is it possible he had missed such a majestic creature laying around this wee lodging? Laughing, you reach your hand to tuck a loose lock of gold behind his ear, lightly scratching behind it before you place a fleeting kiss to his forehead.

"Right here."

[raikanata]

Banquet Beneath the Clouded Moon - Chapter 5

English translation by @raikanata. Not proofread.

Characters: Rinne, Kanata

[♪]

A few hours later. Aoumi Aquarium.

Kanata: we made it~ this is the "aoumi aquarium".

Rinne: I was expecting a small place, but this is much larger than I thought.

Kanata: there are many "sea animals" here, after all.

Kanata: since "chief"-san isn't a high school student, it'll be the adult entrance fee.

Rinne: Huh!? You're gonna take money for this!?

Kanata: but of course. it costs money to "run" an "aquarium".

Rinne: I’ll try and take a look through my wallet, but… I’ve really got no money…

Rinne: -oh?

Kanata: what happened?

Rinne: I found a thousand yen bill! I hadn't noticed it ‘cause it was folded!

Rinne: Gyahaha, it's extra income! I'm lucky~☆

Kanata: you put it there in the first place, so it doesn't really feel like "extra income"?

Rinne: Don't worry about the little things ♪

Rinne: Though it'll all go towards the ticket fee soon. How sad…

Rinne: Ah, I got it! Kanacchi, can ya wait here for about an hour? I'll double this money playing slots ♪

Kanata: "gambling" again? in that case, there's no "guarantee" that the "money" will increase.

Kanata: there's no other way, huh… since it was me who invited you, this time i will let you in as an "exception".

Rinne: Eh, for real? Thank you, Kanacchi ♪

Kanata: but, next time, please pay it back "two-fold".

Rinne: You'll… charge me twice as much, huh? I got excited for nothing…

Rinne: As expected of Mr. Director… Ain't ya too serious about this?

Kanata: ufufu~ i am the "manager" after all.

Inside Aoumi Aquarium

Rinne: ...

Kanata: how's your first "aquarium", "chief"-san?

Rinne: ...

Rinne: If I'm being honest… I didn't have a good impression of the place called an "aquarium".

Kanata: hm? what made you think that way?

Rinne: I found it pitiable to take animals from the sea where they lived freely, and close them in this small space. So I'd been avoiding them for some reason.

Rinne: But that may have been just prejudice, or a preconception.

Rinne: So I accepted Kanacchi's offer to confirm the truth with my own eyes.

Kanata: and now, has your "impression" changed even just a bit?

Rinne: Well. I don't comprehend all of it yet, but I get that aquariums aren't just "freak shows".

Kanata: yes. "aquariums" have a number of "social" roles.

Kanata: aquariums spread information, and "educate" people about the "conservation of species" that protects lives.

Kanata: they do "research" to extend the lifespans of sea animals. they are also a place of "recreation" to enrich your heart.¹

Kanata: you can have fun in an "aquarium", while learning about these things.

Kanata: and your fun memories will forever stay with you…♪

Rinne: I see. I'm real glad I came here to see it for myself.

Kanata: fufu. i'm also glad that i invited you here.

Rinne: …Hey, Kanacchi. You got sea anemones here?

Kanata: of course. they're in the "petting corner" there, so you can also touch them if you want.

Kanata: do you like "sea anemones"?

Rinne: I've been told I look like one when I put my hair up. I'd never seen one outside of pictures before, so I thought I should see them now ♪

Kanata: hmm. i think "chief"-san looks like a "sea slug".

Rinne: Sea slug… Is that the kind of slug with all sorts of colors?

Kanata: yes. a sea slug has "all sorts of colors" to give off a warning to those who get too close.

Kanata: isn't that just like your "image" of seeming dangerous?

Kanata: also, sea slugs spend nearly all their time eating and sleeping.

Kanata: in that aspect too, they're just like you doing nothing but eating and sleeping on your days off ♪

Rinne: Gyahaha. I merely had an impression of the sea-dwelling slugs, but… I started to feel a kinship after you put it that way ♪

Kanata: in that case, let me introduce you to the "sea anemones" first, and then the "sea slugs".

Kanata: since there are more than "3000 kinds" of sea slugs…

Kanata: if we look for it, we might find one that is exactly like "chief"-san…♪

[☆]

Kanata is talking about the four social roles of zoos, which are also accepted for aquariums! Conservation, education, research and recreation - which are each reflected in his emphasized words here.

💧directory💧

[newlacesleeves]

if i fucking may be insufferable for a moment, i'm gonna cry about music under here.

dgd were the band that got me into post hardcore as a genre. i was 13, whatever i say is royal ocean had just come out, and i went to see them open for drop dead gorgeous (with no adult supervision which is wild to think about how my dad just trusted me and my friend to go to a hardcore show at that age by ourselves) at a club in fort lauderdale. and it absolutely shaped my entire personality from that point on.

i experienced my first pit at that show and fell in love. i came home with bruises and covered in sweat and just loved how i felt pressed up against the stage and being thrown around like that. there's just something so religious about the pit. it's fucking cathartic to scream and jump and push and to do it in a crowd of people. and we're all there for each other: someone falls, you help them up, someone needs a breather, you let them through. we're all just running and jumping and bumping into each other to let it all out and feel something. it's really a beautiful thing.

the whole scene just became such a big part of my life after that. i spent most of high school going to every single phc/hc/pop-punk show i could get tickets for. i met my best fucking friend through our love of the same bands. he and i would go to a show at that same club multiple times a month -- often on school nights. i would show up to school the next day absolutely exhausted with no voice and everyone in class would go "oh daisy went to a show last night." even now as an adult, i'm constantly counting down the days until my next show.

so many of those songs are about wanting to be seen for who you are, acceptance and hope, rising above challenges, and like, okay, not to get too depressing but that's the shit i needed as a teenager and it's still the shit i need as an adult. it's really just nice to hear someone singing about their own life and be able to have it fucking resonate with you deep in your heart.

seeing dgd next month 17 years and 10 albums later is so fucking surreal to me. like i've been to so many shows since then but that show remains a standout for how it just shaped me as a person. and look i listen to so much music and love so many genres and artists (400 vinyls i can assure you they are not all post hardcore or pop-punk) but these were the first bands that i found completely on my own, they're part of me, i feel like these songs and albums belong to me just as much as they belong to the artists. just in a different way.

so yeah. got it all out i'll go back to crying about silly karate stuff now.

[diazevan]

I think the Buckley siblings are definitely upper class and they never really had to worry about money. Not because of the down payment on the house, because of everything. We know Buck had college money and he spent them on his bike and going around the world to find yourself is not really something people who struggle with money do. Also I think both SEAL training and FIRE academy aren’t free and that’s not really something you can pay with bartending tips. Buck entire lifestyle is very rich kid coded: moving out of a house you don’t pay to an apartment you rent for sentimental reasons, planning hot balloon dates, suing the LAFD (lawyers are very expensive) and his whole vibe.

Sorry, this answer is long! 9-1-1 isn't particularly known for its accuracy regarding the earnings of first responders. We forgive that because it's fictional.

Update: According to their website, All LAFD programs are free aside from the $73 signup fee and also states, 'The Department does not charge for any of our recruitment and mentoring services.'

The Buckley siblings are not trustfund babies. I’m not saying their parents aren't well-off, I don’t doubt that, but it doesn't mean they shared their wealth with their adult children (until helping Madney with the deposit.) I’m saying ‘adult’ because I believe while they were growing up, the parents funded everything parents are expected to: clothes, food, etc.

Let’s work with what we know. In Buck Begins, Maddie says ‘I'm gonna go nights so I can work during the day, pay for it myself. That way, I won't need to ask Mom and Dad for anything ever again.” I’m guessing that despite their parents doing their bare minimum of what is expected, they weren’t too kind about it, highlighted by how Maddie says this line. She knows she’ll either not get the financial support from her parents, in becoming a nurse, or they’ll complain about it if they do.  So, she goes it alone, deciding to almost work twenty-four days so she doesn’t have to ask them for money!

In 4x04, while arguing with his parents, he says this, “She married Doug, and you cut her off.” Maddie was married to Doug for eleven years, that’s eleven years no contact with her parents, after they cut her off. Cut off contact, and likely cut any kind of financial support. They wanted nothing to do with her, as Buck repeatedly points out in this scene.

What about Boston? I’ve seen that so many times on twitter. How did Maddie afford to live in Boston for six months and get expensive medical treatment? Doug’s life insurance. She received $400, 000. She says in 5x13, “I used most of my savings when I left,” which matches the belief that she used this money to fund her care in Boston.

Now, you’re right about Buck’s college tuition money. “Maybe you use your tuition money to make some cool modifications on your bike.” We don’t know for sure if this was entirely funded by his parents or if he had student loans. Since I am British, all I know about college is from movies, apparently some parents will keep college funds aside from their children as standard. So perhaps, yes, he did have a tuition fee paid by his parents, which maybe is why he rebelled.  Remember this is young, angry and restless Buck, he was likely to burn through that money like it meant nothing, because being reckless or getting hurt, was his way of gaining his parents attention.

But more importantly, is what happened next. When Buck leaves Hershey, Maddie gives him her Jeep and some of her own money. “Look, I can give you a little bit of money to get started, and then you can go anywhere you want.” It is Maddie who funds Buck’s ticket out of that house, giving up her two means of escape. Savings she had, from working her arse off in Boston and as a nurse! Now, Buck’s dynamic with his sister, is so different to his parents. He likely kept that money very safe and was incredibly frugal because Maddie gave it to him. So, it was more special.

Quite explicitly, we see that Buck never settles down when he’s on the road. He goes, from one place, to the next, to the next. Picking up many jobs. Likely couch surfing, sleeping in the jeep, or cheap motels, Buck didn’t have hefty bills to pay! He could save up, on the road.  All those years of traveling around, and saving would fund NAVY Seals and Firefighter training. What also helped, is he lived in a Frat House, not making him financially liable for all the bills, which were split evenly across all the guys. Then he lived in Abby’s apartment, where once again, he wasn’t paying any bills. With a fireman’s salary, while living in a frat house, and sharing the bills, he likely found it easier to save. Making it easier to fund a hot air balloon ride, a nice studio apartment, and then a lawyer!

They do call Buck's place a "frat house," but I'm not sure how true that was, but if it was an actual frat house and he didn't make any payments, that's more savings. But I don't think he wanted to stay in the frat house.

Buck also couch-surfed in LA! He lived with Chimney and then Maddie, for a considerable amount of time before ever moving into his apartment. Time he likely spent saving.

Anyway, that’s what we know. I still can’t ever believe the Buckley parents ever set up trustfunds. Neither Maddie nor Buck saw a dime after they left or were cut off. Not until more recently now that the Buckley Parents are attempting to make an effort. Still, Buck and Maddie grew up self-efficient, relying on each other, not their parents.

On an unrelated note, I would be interested to see a storyline of when one of their parents passes away though. If they do get left with money, I wonder if it would strike up the argument that money doesn't fix all the problems and neglect they experienced during their childhood and beyond.