#now the question is laptop story or physical book

[bakerysnake]

i have a sudden urge to read a story

[seneon]

have you kissed before? ─── sae itoshi x fem! reader.

about. college roommate! au. ooc sae (just a bit), minor toxicity. fluff? romance? idk. wc of 700+

notes. for @hyoismbbg here's your sae fic ugh

two months of sharing, sleeping, and breathing in the same room as itoshi sae, star student of the college. and still, you have not gotten quite comfortable with him yet. i mean. who would?

a student with a different gender is doing all of that daily activities with you. how does he feel about it? does he care? is he comfortable? does he ever complain about it to the dorm prefects to beg for a change of rooms?

no. simply because, he has no other choice but to share, sleep, and breathe the same air as you, student of another course, and student of the opposite gender. all the itoshi could do was bare with until the end of the semester until the dorm rooms changed again.

however, it is quite uncomfortable to have someone with him always if he isn't in class, just sitting there either studying or on your laptop. in the purest of silence, you never spoke a word to him. not even if there is a bug or two that needs to be settled. all you ever did was point at it and expect him to flush it down the toilet.

so when you finally decided to speak to him, it was an odd question. out of everything you could have asked to get to know your roommate of two months. you simply asked the most ridiculous question ever and expect him to coolly reply.

“have you ever kissed before?”

itoshi sae tore his gaze away from the book of physics theory and locked his gaze on you. you who laid like a lifeless ragdoll with your sleepy gaze stuck on the ceiling with the dim lights.

it was always around this time where you would go to bed. there is no specific time to sleep, it ranges. but so far as sae knows, it was between 12-12:30am. his teal eyes then glanced at the digital clock beside the desk of his room side and it was already 12:38am. way past the time where you would already be silently sound asleep.

he looks back at you and raises a brow. “i haven't, to answer your question.”

you mouth formed an ‘o’ in surprise. “woah, i overheard someone saying you've kissed quite an amount of girls.”

sae’s face twisted into a grimace. “do you just.. believe in random rumours around town?”

an unsure hum you let out, as you sat up straight, kicking your blanket away. “i wanted to prove them wrong,” you said as the itoshi scoffed. “well then. have you ever kissed before?”

you shook your head and let out a sigh. “a shame, i know. i’ve gotta keep my lips pure and untouched until the man of my dreams kisses it and stains it dirty.”

“oh? and who's this man of your dreams?”

“you.”

the young redhead lets out a little laugh. a little mocking laugh at your answer. before he ceases the little entertainment and figures you are actually quite serious about it. “guess i’ll stop studying and grant you your wishes.”

your eyes watch as he comes closer to you and without a single thought or other words, ace student itoshi sae already has his lips locked onto yours.

how weird. the two of you barely talked. and now he's sitting on the edge of your bed, fingers gently cupping your cheek, and his lips locking with yours. his lips taste like coffee for some odd reason. perhaps for the sole factor of staying up all night studying theories on physics.

for a fact that you've never had your first kiss before and it was so simply taken away by your roommate, you honestly have no idea how to react to it. you didn't know it'd worked so well, even if it was a little prank or a silly dare given to you by your friends to kiss the college's most popular boy.

you were unsure of it, but even if you've never had any feelings ever for this man, now you do. and oh dear, you wish this isn't another of itoshi sae's tricks to entice a woman.

only itoshi sae himself knew how much he wanted to put his lips on yours and discover all of your secrets and the story of your life through your lips. how selfish of the both of you. to be kissing without knowing each other's true motives.

© SENEON 2024 ♰ do not repost, alter, or translate.

[dduane]

In the Young Wizards 'verse, how would the universe handle two wizard-potentials going for the same manual at the same time, like reaching for the same book at the library? Would it somehow magically duplicate itself? Would it avoid the question entirely by waiting to choose the potentials until later? Would either (or both) of them get a notification of the manual installing itself as an app on their phones, thus distracting them from grabbing the book? (So many options!)

The Young Wizards series is one of my all-time favorites, by the way. Thank you for putting it into the world ❤️❤️ I need to reread it again soon!

First of all: thanks for the nice words! Delighted that the books were there for you. 😊

As to your question: I'm not sure this is a problem that's likely to come up, for an array of reasons that have to do with the basic nature of YW-'verse wizardry.

Basically, though: every wizard (like every other human, and every other sentient being) occupies a unique temporospatial position that doesn't just involve where they are, and when they are, but who they are; as well as where they've been, and what they've experienced. Different people, born in different places and raised in different ways by other different people, are inevitably going to have different personalities and different worldviews... and therefore, also, different preferred ways to engage with wizardry.* The chances that a given instrumentality offered to a given person is going to be an exact or even near-exact duplicate of the one offered to another person are pretty small. I don't think we need to worry too much about the two-hands-reaching-for-the-same-Manual-at-the-same-time paradigm.

Bear in mind also that there are a lot of different ways to get at Speech-based wizardly info besides books. Offered instrumentalities can vary wildly due not just to cultural norms, but personal preferences. Someone who likes stories but doesn't care for reading physical books might have their Manual turn up as an (apparent) audiobook. (Or maybe a podcast: or a videoblog: who am I to judge?) After all, we've already had wizards who manage spells or otherwise engage with wizardry by listening to the Sea, acquiring the Speech through sentient laptops, hearing it as in-mind speech which they manage by (probably somewhat Speech-enhanced) memory; by direct communications with the Powers that Be via an (apparent) little magical light source they carry around with them, and numerous other methods. (And don't forget the slightly unusual instrumentality that turns up in the YW 30-Day OTP sequence, in which one new probationary wizard obtains his Manual access via what appears to be Tuxedo Mask's rose from Sailor Moon.) ...Additionally, I have a vague memory of one wizard carrying around a Manual access that seems to be the one and only Magic 8-Ball featuring answers that are not hazy. Don't ask me which book it's in, though. Might be Games Wizards Play, but that's a guess.

As for app installations—no reason that Manual access might not turn up as an app update. Also, in terms of dedicated devices, wizPads and wizPhones (formerly wizPods) have been around for a while now, and both have become canonical over time: Darryl McAllister's using one of the wizPhone-based Manual versions in A Wizard of Mars. (Though these may occasionally present problems for practitioners testing out a new paradigm.) As a wizard grows into their practice of the Art, it's not at all unusual to change instrumentalities as one finds something that works better for them than what the Powers sent them the first time out.

Anyway: hope this helps! 😀

*As for the probably inevitable question, "But what if they're twins?" To quote a well-known authority, "It's never twins." :) (And that said: starting with Wizards at War, we see that occasionally, it is twins... and I'm pretty sure they acquired their delivery instrumentalities separately, though I can't recall whether this gets dealt with in canon.)

[miraclesabound]

Oh that was utterly fabulous. Various thoughts of mine below:

- I had wondered if Armand was being poetic or metaphorical when he mentioned Louis's madness, and now I know he was being quite literal...

- Francis is a perfectly fine name for a vampire, Santiago, get over yourself!

- I know Daniel is pursuing the lies in his capacity as a journalist, but I can also see the rage as he presses the questions. Besides what Armand did to his and Louis's minds, I wonder what emotional and physical horrors he's witnessed over the course of his career that he finds Armand's behavior so fucking offensive.

- Raglan has seemed like such an asshole all season, so him begging Daniel to get out of the penthouse ASAP made it clear to me how dangerous the situation was.

- If Louis torched Daniel's laptop, what did Daniel use as material for his book?

- The reunion! I'm reminded of the Calliope story from "The Sandman" - two traumatized divorced parents trying to contend with the violent death of their only child and finding comfort in each other even if they aren't getting back together.

- As many have pointed out, what is it about vampires and circular sunglasses??

- In the episode wrap up, it was discussed that Daniel is sort of Louis's vampiric little brother now - and if that's not perfect, I don't know what is. Louis may need to stay single for a while, but he's got a family member to chat with again. Now to be fair, Daniel and Paul are very different people, but the bond between Daniel and Louis is just as real as it was between Louis and Paul.

At the end, I am deeply satisfied!

[isahgrace]

Balancing needs and tasks

Every day was a cluster fuck of tasks you needed to complete and if you didn’t complete them then you would be stuck with more work the next day and the next, so balancing everything was your goal, too bad it barely worked, you were swamped with everything you needed to do and your bodies needs were facing the consequences, well that wasn’t the only thing that was, your friends were as well as your studies but still, it was dragging you down.

Maia had noticed that you weren’t responding to her messages and had tried to hunt you down and make sure you were actually looking after your health and not just your mothers and your studies. But you kept managing to avoid her, after all, if she could see how overworked and exhausted you were she would be dragging your ass to bed and forcing you to recover, but there was no time for that, assessments were due, tests were coming up, your mother's health was going through a rough patch and your father was being forced to work more, you had no time to care about yourself more than you already were.

Nothing was going how you wanted it to go and there was nothing you could do, it was as if someone had been flipping a coin to decide your fate and the outcome kept being negative, truly if you could fight someone so that all of this was easier you would jump at the chance, punch the fucker right in the face and make them apologies, but that was wishful thinking and a small dose of entertainment for you after reading the same texts over and over again.

You were living day to day, just waiting for your workload to lessen, and you didn’t even have time to think how you could have potentially made this outcome even slightly better, still once this was over you could collapse into your bed and sleep for longer than a few hours, you could eat a decent meal and not have to live off of energy drinks and caffeine, but that was the future, right now you had to finish two assessments, study for the test you had the next day, get more medicine for your mum, make dinner for her, the list went on and on, it was just a matter of timing it out and taking it a step at a time.

You would finish off the assessment you were currently working on, go out and get your mum's medicine, as well as ingredients to make a good, healthy dinner for her, then get back home, go over that assessment, send it off, cook your mum dinner, give her it and the medicine, finish off the other assessment eat something then study until two then sleep for about four hours, then start working on the next day's tasks.

Everything would work out fine if you just managed to do what you needed to do, put one foot in front of the other, type as if the keys were on fire and you could just touch them long enough for the letter to be registered on your laptop, multitask when need be. 

Everything would be fine.

Your schedule was just put on repeat, assessments, studying, looking after your mother, sleep, repeat, you were becoming an academic robot, your only focuses being the important things, nothing fun, nothing mentally healthy, nothing physically healthy, which was probably why you started coming down with a cold, burning the candle at both ends would do that to you after all, something Maia had always hypocritically warned you of.

So you worked, answering questions as best you could, giving meaning to things that didn’t need meaning most of the time, analysing book after book, texts, statements, quotes, reading word after word until it became nonsense and reading it more just because you needed to. It was just a few more days and then you would have no more exams, tests, or assessments, you would be given a break from your studies, a few weeks off where you can recover, a few weeks off where you can read the stories you had been putting off reading for your degree, a few weeks off where you can see your friends, catch up with them, see how they were doing, just enjoy yourselves and do some dumb things, a few weeks off where you can waste money on things you enjoyed, like good food, your friends, seeing movies you had been waiting to see, getting more books, going to the Sanguis bookstore and seeing the sweet owner.

But those were things you could wait to do, things you could do when you had more energy, more time. There were other things to do, you had a time limit after all.

And so it would go.

Wake up, check on your mum.

Make coffee check on the assessment work you had done the day before.

Edit the work you had done the day before.

Add new stuff to the assessment.

Have more caffeine.

Study for any test or exams you had.

Make dinner for your mum.

Have an energy drink.

Give your mum her medicine and dinner.

Finish up any assessments you had to hand in that day.

Eat something.

Have another energy drink.

Check what you need to do the next day.

Start on the next day's work.

Sleep.

Wake up, check on your mum.

Make coffee check on the assessment work you had done the day before.

Edit the work you had done the day before.

Add new stuff to the assessment.

Have more caffeine.

Study for any test or exams you had.

Make dinner for your mum.

Have an energy drink.

Give your mum her medicine and dinner.

Finish up any assessments you had to hand in that day.

Eat something.

Have another energy drink.

Check what you need to do the next day.

Start on the next day's work.

Sleep.

Wake up, check on your mum.

Make coffee check on the assessment work you had done the day before.

Edit the work you had done the day before.

Add new stuff to the assessment.

Have more caffeine.

Study for any test or exams you had.

Make dinner for your mum.

Have an energy drink.

Give your mum her medicine and dinner.

Finish up any assessments you had to hand in that day.

Eat something.

Have another energy drink.

Check what you need to do the next day.

Start on the next day's work.

Sleep.

It seemed to never end, even when you accidentally burnt yourself making coffee one day it still continued, when you nicked one of your fingers cutting up some vegetables for your mum's dinner it still continued. When your dad finally had a chance to talk to you, see how you were doing, and if there was anything that needed to be fixed at home, it still continued.

Wake up, check on your mum.

Make coffee check on the assessment work you had done the day before.

Edit the work you had done the day before.

Add new stuff to the assessment.

Have more caffeine.

Study for any test or exams you had.

Have more caffeine.

Make dinner for your mum.

Have an energy drink.

Give your mum her medicine and dinner.

Finish up any assessments you had to hand in that day.

Eat something.

Have another energy drink.

Check what you need to do the next day.

Start on the next day's work.

Sleep.

Wake up, check on your mum.

Make coffee check on the assessment work you had done the day before.

Edit the work you had done the day before.

Add new stuff to the assessment.

Have more caffeine.

Study for any test or exams you had.

Have more caffeine.

Make dinner for your mum.

Have an energy drink.

Give your mum her medicine and dinner.

Finish up any assessments you had to hand in that day.

Have another energy drink.

Eat something.

Have another energy drink.

Check what you need to do the next day.

Start on the next day's work.

Sleep.

Wake up, check on your mum.

Make coffee check on the assessment work you had done the day before.

Edit the work you had done the day before.

Add new stuff to the assessment.

Have more caffeine.

Study for any test or exams you had.

Have more caffeine.

Make dinner for your mum.

Have an energy drink.

Give your mum her medicine and dinner.

Finish up any assessments you had to hand in that day.

Have another energy drink.

Eat something.

Have another energy drink.

Check what you need to do the next day.

Start on the next day's work.

Have something caffeinated.

Study for tests and exams.

Sleep.

Repeating and repeating until you felt as if you’d collapse. Repeating and repeating until nothing was left. Repeating and repeating until the four to five hours of sleep became four to three hours, three to two hours, two to one hour, an hour to power naps through the day. You lost track of time, it was just work work work, assessments, tests, exams, caffeine, look after your mum, caffeine.

Repeating

Repeating

Repeating…

[shuttershocky]

Do you think the magic prosthetic arm touko gave shiki can be used to grab objects from across the room or is it only for choking ghosts out sith style

It probably only works on non-corporeal entities, but it's cooler to think that Ryougi can just sucker punch you from across the room so I want to believe that extended arm could work on flesh and blood too. It would be so cool if she just has a range of Devil Breakers arms to use in battle.

But also now that you bring that up there's a rant I've been wanting to go on for a while.

I legitimately think Nasu forgot she can do that. Fate/Extra and Fate/Grand Order certainly forgot she could do that, if they even remember that she's got a prosthetic arm at all (which they don't)

Kara No Kyoukai is filled with so much incredibly cool shit that gets mentioned or brought up once or only written in material books and then (sadly, but probably for the better) get ignored afterwards in favor of Ryougi and Kokutou's love story, cool shit that I keep waiting for Sanda or Narita to bring back in some form because they weren't necessary to Kara No Kyoukai but, god. They were just so fucking cool.

Some examples

The aforementioned magic prosthetic arm Shiki wields. It can extend to grab enemies, is incredibly tough (an elephant can sit on it no problem) and has secret compartments to hold extra weapons

Azaka has no magic circuits at all and perceives the act of spellweaving by thinking of the spell as musical notes, which raises SO many questions about what it means to have magic potential in Type-Moon if someone without the most basic of requirements is still able to do it

Fujino developed short-ranged clairvoyance during her battle with Shiki, which she uses to get a bird's eye view of her surroundings. Given that she ends up bending the entire bridge while still being under it and bends a lamp post behind her in Extra Chorus, this implies that Fujino doesn't just use her Mystic Eyes of Distortion through her physical eyes, but can use it from the sight granted to her by clairvoyance since she can twist objects she's not even looking at.

Fujino becomes blind in Extra Chorus, and must go around with a walking stick. However, her control over her Mystic Eyes has not diminished in the slightest, and if Shiki is to be believed, Fujino will only become more powerful as she grows up.

Ryougi's Mystic Eyes of Death Perception are also growing in power over time. What this means is not entirely clear (perhaps she will be able to perceive death even on beings normally without the concept of death), but they're not killing her like they're killing Tohno.

Touko's prosthetics aren't entirely magical. You can see her programming them and hooking them up to her laptop while she inserts circuitry inside in the first movie. A mage using modern technology is rare, but Touko is straight up doing magic tech. Cybernetics with magecraft. Both Touko and Shiki are technically cyborgs.

The Hollow Shrine once had to produce an anime

Touko has a ring that renders the wearer invisible, even to powerful mages like Cornelius Alba. This gets never brought up again.

Shiki's family katana is able to destroy bounded fields around a mage's base merely by unsheathing, due to its advanced age.

Kurogiri is from Atlas

Touko and Riesbyfe are old friends. Riesbyfe is the headmaster of Reien Girls' Academy. People might argue this is a different RIesbyfe entirely due to how much that conflicts with Melty Blood, but Mother Riesbyfe has a violin in her room. It's likely meant to be the same character, retconned and repurposed for Melty Blood

Azaka met Touko and became her apprentice in a completely separate case that did not involve Mikiya at all. In fact, Tobimaru from Mahoyo is the one involved in their meeting. This story hasn't been written by Nasu yet lol.

[lambtotheslaughterr]

A Rafe Cameron Mini Series

PART THREE (OPTION B)

[THIS STORY WILL CONTAIN THEMES OF NON-CON/DUB-CON, MENTAL-EMOTIONAL-PHYSICAL ABUSE, ETC. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK. 18+. MINORS DO NOT INTERACT]

WC: 5.3K

Dividers provided by @firefly-graphics

PART TWO

PART THREE (OPTION A)

SERIES MASTERLIST

A month has passed since your last encounter with Rafe Cameron. But despite the time since you saw him last, you knew better than to let your guard down. Tyson & you kept busy. You didn’t want to give Rafe any opportunity to get you alone so you often went with Tyson to his work, hanging out on the beach a few yards away while he taught his classes. You distracted yourself with books, games on your phone, & on days when you were feeling slightly less anxious, you would walk the short distance to the nearby boardwalk to work on your laptop. You still didn’t have a job lined up for when you returned home at the end of the summer but you found it necessary to keep your eyes peeled on the potential job offers in the future.

Fortunately, you never saw Rafe in that time. From what you knew, he wasn’t the type to hang casually around town. You hoped he wasn’t waiting until the time was ready but weren’t going to underestimate him. Now, as you sat on a towel under an umbrella, Tyson wading in the water with his students, you still questioned why you never told Tyson about what happened. About both your high school run-ins with his former best friend as well as when he cornered you at that party a month ago. You wondered if perhaps it was your stubborn nature, not wanting to go crying for someone to save you, but this was more than that, you knew that. Yet, you kept your mouth shut.

After Tyson’s class finished, he strolled over to you, his wet suit hanging around his waist. Though you two have only been together for a short time, you still found yourself blushing at the sight of him half naked. Not that you fantasized about what he looked like under his clothes when you were younger, but you certainly couldn’t believe he was yours. His hair was hanging loosely around his face, the ends brushing just the tops of his shoulders.

            “Enjoying the sun?” You laughed at his question as he sat down beside you, his whole body remaining in the sun while you continued shielding yourself from the sun in the shade.

            “Isn’t it obvious?” Tyson smiled that lopsided grin of his you adored so much. He slapped his hand on your thigh, rubbing it momentarily, “Let me put my stuff away then we can stop somewhere to eat.”

            You nodded in response. As he walked away to carry a few boards to a lock & key booth up the shore, you gathered your things & slipped into your shorts. You were finished putting your books & journals in your bag when you struggled to close the umbrella.

            “Fucking. Stupid. Thing.” You muttered as your fingers turned red & raw from pushing on a difficult metal stopper that kept the umbrella open.

            “Trouble?” The voice made you shriek as you jumped, dropping the umbrella to the sand with a soft tff.

            “Rafe.” His name spilled from your lips easily as you stepped backwards, your eyes immediately searching for Tyson, “What are you doing?”

            He cocked his head in amusement, a small smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. He reached down to grab the umbrella, easily pushing in the metal stopper, collapsing the umbrella, “Helping.”

            Rafe offered you the umbrella, which you swiftly swiped from his hand & let it hang from your hands, thinking in the back of your head you can use this to defend yourself if he tries anything this time. But as you quickly surveyed your surroundings, you knew he wouldn’t. It’s too open, not private at all. Anyone could see what he would do. That’s not his style. With that knowledge, you slightly relaxed, rolling your eyes as you turned your back on him to grab your bag.

            “I’m not doing this.” You said once your bag is secured on your shoulder. You shake your head at him, “Whatever you’re planning, I’m not playing.”

            “Who said I was playing?” Rafe countered. You hated the way he stood before you. So confident, shameless. Why couldn’t he find someone else—anyone else—to harass? Why did it have to be you?

            “Don’t.” You said firmly before going to step around him. Unlike your last encounter on the beach though, he didn’t let you pass by so easily.

            Rafe stepped in your path, blocking you. Your chests almost touched & a hiss of frustration left your mouth, “God, aren’t you bored?”

            You glared up at him as he towered over; the mirthful expression never falling from his face.

            “Five years & you still get your kicks out of picking on someone. It’s pathetic.” You spit, “You are pathetic, Rafe. I feel bad for you.”

            A cloud of ire fell over him with that. You watched as his jaw clenched, his lips pressed in a firm line as he glowered down at you. He took a step forward with a few inches to spare. It took all you had to not step back, not back down. You had to remind yourself who you were now, not who you used to be.

            “Look at you. All your friends have moved on, doing something with their lives, with people who care about them. What are you doing? Coke in a party bathroom with strangers who are only interested in your money & party favors.” You half scoffed, half laughed, it being your turn to wear a leisurely smile, “What is it that you said in the bathroom all those years ago?”

            You feigned forgetfulness, enjoying the fury you were causing to stir within him, “Oh, that’s right. That I was a nobody in a school filled with people who were going to be somebodies? Who are you, Rafe? You’re the same sad, rich prick that no one actually likes. You’re nobody, now. Nothing.”

            His eyes glazed over, a look you couldn’t pinpoint as he stared openly at you, his lips parting. You hadn’t seen this look before, you weren’t sure what it meant or how it made you feel. But you quickly let it go, pushing past him. This time he let you pass. You didn’t get far though as Tyson came upon the two of you, a look of concern in his eyes as he stared at Rafe behind you.

            “Hey, everything okay?”

            You went to answer but the same voice that startled you moments before beat you to the answer, “Just catching up.”

            When you peeked over your shoulder, you were miffed at the casual & friendly tone he used. Rafe tucked his hands into his shorts, approaching the two of you, “We didn’t get much of a chance to talk at my party last month.”

            Your eyes narrowed, not surprised at how easily he could lie & make it believable.

            “C’mon, I’m hungry.” You turned to Tyson, forcing a smile.

            “I’m having another one tonight, in fact.” Rafe continued, “You both should come, it’ll be cool for us all to hang out. We never got to do that in high school, right Tyson?”

            Tyson & Rafe stared at each other. You glanced between the two of them as what appeared to be a silent communication occurred. Rafe smirked playfully, quirking a single eyebrow. Tyson’s nostrils flared in annoyance, “I don’t known, man. Partying isn’t really our thing.”

            Rafe scoffed at his statement, “It’s one night. C’mon. Like old times. Except of course this time ­­_____ will be joining us.”

            Again, you watched in confusion as they stared each other down, like a western stand-off. If you weren’t already uncomfortable you may have laughed at how ridiculous they looked but before you could get Tyson’s attention, he shook his head once, “Yeah, maybe.”

            “Great.” Rafe clapped Tyson on the shoulder, his eyes falling to your frame, “See you both tonight, then. You won’t regret it.”

            You felt yourself sneer as he grinned at you. He’s won this time. The second Rafe turned his back & walked away, Tyson exhaled a breath. Then, as if he hadn’t just had a face-off with his former best friend, he smiled at you, swinging his arm over your shoulders, leading you to the boardwalk.

            “Still hungry?” You weren’t. Rafe Cameron had killed any appetite you had. Ignoring his question, you crossed your arms, “What was that about?”

            “What was what about?”

            “That?” You gestured to the beach behind you, “You guys were talking without words.”

            “Ahh, nothing. Just…” Tyson sighed heavily, dropping his arm to thread his fingers with yours, “You don’t know Rafe like I do.” You wanted to counter that. Wanted to let him know that you did in fact know Rafe & likely knew a worse version of him than Tyson did. But you said nothing. Like usual.

            “He’s a child. Give him what he wants & he’ll stop his crying.” But as he explained it to you, you knew damn well that that wasn’t what happened. Rafe wasn’t having a conniption. He was asserting dominance. Like an alpha wolf, like Tyson was below him & knew he belonged there. But how do you ask about that without insulting Tyson? Or worse, without telling him everything? Which again, you wondered why you weren’t doing just that.

            “But that doesn’t mean we’re going, right?” You questioned, “You just said that to get him off your back, right?”

            Tyson paused your walk, his hand halting you gently, “We’ll just go for five minutes, let him see us, then leave.”

            “What?” You let go of his hand, “Why? You’re not even friends. Why would we go?”

            “It’s just easier that way, ­­_____.” Tyson walked pass you. You remained standing where you were, shaking your head after him, “I’m not going.”

            Tyson stopped to look back at you. He glanced briefly at other people walking by. He looked tired & frustrated as he approached you, “Okay, that’s okay. I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do. But I should still go. Just for a couple minutes. Then I’ll come back home & we can… have our own party.”

            Reluctantly, you felt a smile grace your lips. You fought it but as he wiggled his brows at you & gripped your waist, you couldn’t help but roll your eyes in acceptance, “Fine. You go, I’ll stay. Waiting. Impatiently.”

            Tyson kissed your forehead, grabbing your hand, leading you toward a nearby walk-up counter service restaurant. While the two of you waited in line, you felt your phone buzz in your pocket. Tyson made a joke & you laughed softly, opening the message. It was from an unknown number but the content of the message told you who it was from.

            I’ll be seeing you.

            A wave of goosebumps erupted over your body. Deleting the message, you didn’t bother to respond. You told Rafe you wouldn’t play whatever game he was planning & you intended to stay true to that. He wouldn’t get a reaction out of you & he absolutely wouldn’t be seeing you tonight. The only thing that bummed you out is that you wouldn’t be able to see the look of annoyance on his face when he realized you didn’t show up to his party.

Rafe had won. Again.

You watched begrudgingly as Tyson made a trick shot into a red solo cup at the other end of a table. Some guy you didn’t recognize had convinced him to be his partner because he had 5k running on the game & needed someone dependable. That person apparently was your boyfriend. And while you wish you weren’t at Rafe Cameron’s party, you were at least with Tyson. Or at least nearby, never letting him out of your sight. It was how Rafe got you to come.

Moments before Tyson left, you had received yet another message from Rafe’s unsaved number on your phone. No words, only an image was sent & it consisted of Rafe taking a selfie with his arm slung over the shoulders of Bridgette. It was a threat, or a promise. Either way, you didn’t want to imagine what games Rafe would play if you didn’t tag along to play gatekeeper so there you unfortunately found yourself leaning against a wall, a glass of water in your hand, as you watched Tyson kick ass at beer pong. 

But you didn’t feel at ease. None at all. The whole time you were watching Tyson, you could feel Rafe’s eyes on you. Like now, he stood across the room from you, standing in the kitchen. His lower back resting against the counter, two guys flanking either side of him, talking animatedly, but he isn’t paying them any mind. You are his sole focus.

It takes all of your will to not return the glare, to even acknowledge his existence. You know he had already won this time, you didn’t want to see that look in his eyes that would rub it in further; that he knew just what to do to get what he wanted. So, stubbornly, you avoid looking in his direction, though you can still make him out in your peripheral. 

Tyson & you agreed on only being in & out before you two got to the party, but Tyson couldn’t resist a high stakes game of beer pong. So when one of his buddies, who you at least assumed was one of his buddies, pulled him into a round, you didn’t know when it would end. And an hour later, you didn’t see one in sight.

Sighing heavily to yourself, you straighten your spine, feeling your hip pop as you fix your posture. You must’ve been standing like that the whole time, not wanting to make a single move in case it inspired Rafe to attack. But the party is packed, incredibly more so than the last one. You know he won’t try anything. Not in the open, at least.

A collection of hoots & hollers sound as Tyson makes the winning cup. He throws his arms into the air, asserting dominance. His partner besides him is busy flipping off the people at the other end of the table as they empty out their wallets. 

“Thank you, thank you, gentleman. My man Tyson here just cannot be beat.”

Tyson is well inebriated at this point, that much you can tell. His hair, which had started out in a loose bun at the nape of his neck, now hangs loosely around his flushed face. His eyes are slightly pink from the alcohol & he has stripped out of his top. In fact, you are wearing his top. It makes you feel like it’s a shield against Rafe Cameron. 

You had come to the party in what you had been wearing lounging around Tyson’s apartment: a white crop top under a pair of cut-off denim overalls. You knew the Kook’s of the island hadn’t outgrown their capricious tastes & had received a few judgmental looks upon your arrival but you didn’t care. You no longer were interested in trying to impress them.

Your muscles relax when you see Tyson turn away from the table, his eyes finding yours, an expression of apology behind them. You don’t want him to feel sorry. After all, you could see how easy it was for him to fall into the party scene. It wasn’t like he partied all the time, so when he was having fun you wanted him to have fun. You just wish it wasn’t under Rafe Cameron’s roof.

Tyson barely takes a step towards you when a pair of new contenders call out his name, dropping a wad of cash on the table, “Kearney. Really gonna walk away from an extra three k?”

You loath the question, knowing Tyson could easily walk away but his beer pong partner’s eyes widen at the prospect. Tyson looks at you & you roll your eyes, letting him know you don’t want to stay longer but then wave your hand, dismissing his concern.

He mouths an apology, holding up one finger as a promise that this would be his last round. As the four of them gather the cups into formation, your eyes finally stray to Rafe in the kitchen. What you see makes your stomach roll.

Rafe is polishing off a bottle of beer, a smirk hidden behind the action. He’s enjoying this; watching you squirm & getting antsy to leave but knowing you won’t drag Tyson out of here if you can help it. You feel like an abnormal specimen under the microscope & Rafe is the mad scientist poking & prodding at you to see what you are made of. You’re worried yourself of how far he would push you.

Ignoring him, you put down your empty glass of water & approach Tyson, “How long, you think?”

He narrows his eyes at the competition, cocking his head in thought, “Fifteen minutes, twenty tops.”

You sigh, nodding, “Okay, I’m going to step out for a smoke.”

“Good luck kiss before you go?” He asks, a playful grin on his face. You chuckle & rise on your toes to kiss him

“Luck.” You reply, gripping his arm once before you bypass party goers to the sliding back door.

There are few people on the deck. You go to the furthest corner & pull out your pack of smokes from your denim pocket. Lighting a match, you take a drag until the cherry burns bright then toss the match over the deck. Exhaling heavily, you let your head fall into your hands. It’s frustrating. You hate that Rafe is getting what he wanted, whatever the hell that is, & you wish you could be bold enough to just call a Lyft & leave but you don’t want to leave Tyson knowing Bridgette is lurking around somewhere. Though speaking of, you had yet to see her.

            That too made you wary but you knew that Tyson was preoccupied, that at least gave you some relief. As you pull drags from your cigarette, you keep your ears on alert for the sound of the sliding door opening, wanting to be prepared in case Rafe tries anything. Fortunately though, through the whole duration of your smoke break, no one bothers you. For a moment, you allow your walls to fall, to relax & enjoy the summer night breeze of the southern east coast. Inhaling sharply, you take a final drag before dragging the butt of the cigarette along the railing of the deck. Flicking the butt over the edge, you pull out your phone, checking the time. It’s nearly midnight. You hope you will be back at Tyson’s by 12:30.

            Turning your back on the beach, you reluctantly return to the party. You hardly slid the door shut when your eyes widen in panic. The party is still in full swing, people are laughing & enjoying themselves everywhere you look, but the beer pong table is empty. What use to hold a mirror of red solo cups is now covered in cards & clothing as people who surround it play a game of strip poker. Tyson.

            Pushing through people, you feel your heart race, searching for his tall frame & blond head of hair. But everywhere you look he’s nowhere to be found. There isn’t even a face you could make out as a face from high school amongst all the people who Rafe Cameron had to fucking invite. Your chest is heaving & a cold sweat breaks out under Tyson’s shirt that you wear. As you continue to weave through party goers, you have to give yourself the tiniest bit of credit for not having a drop of alcohol; otherwise your panicked state would be multiplied.

            The second floor of the beach villa, though full of people, proves empty of one Tyson Kearney. Circling back to the kitchen, you burrow yourself in a corner, pulling out your phone & calling Tyson’s number. After a few rings it goes to voicemail. You exhale a noise of frustration before trying again. Still nothing.

            “Damnit Tyson, answer.” You grumble to yourself, bringing the phone to your ear one last time. As you do so, you angle your body to face the rest of the party. You intend to scan the crowd again for your boyfriend but your eyes ultimately fall onto a pair of dark blue orbs that watch you in amusement. Shoving your phone into your pocket, you storm across the room, shoving drunkards out of your way as you stomp up to the host of the party.

            “Where is he?” You demand, wishing you had the power to bury him alive with your glare alone.

            “Where is who?” Rafe responds, a wolfish grin on his face. It takes all of your being to not scream & use your fists but you had never been the violent type, nor would you even know the first thing about punching someone.

            “Goddamnit. Where. Is. He.” You feel your teeth grit to the point you think they will crack under the pressure.

            Rafe’s grin slowly dissolves from his face, his eyes trailing over your frame, taking his time assessing you. You cross your arms over your chest, knowing you likely look ridiculous, like a child who isn’t getting her way, but you remain where you stand, not letting Rafe win for the second time tonight. His eyes eventually find yours eyes & what flames behind them makes your heart falter. Rafe steps up to you until your nose is brushing his chest. You make to step back, gain some space from the prick, but his hand grips your elbow firmly. A warning to not move.

            Just above your ear, you feel his breath brush your hair gently as he speaks, “Have you checked the master bedroom?” His forefinger is pointing to the ceiling, indicating the third floor.

            His question makes your heart sink. No, you didn’t think to look in bedrooms, mostly because you knew you wouldn’t want to walk in one anyone getting busy but the thought didn’t cross your mind to think of Tyson being behind any of them. You take a step back from Rafe, your lips parting in denial.

            “Bridgette…” You voice softly.

            Slipping out of Rafe’s grip, you whip away from him & navigate your way to the third floor where the majority of bedrooms are. At the landing, you peer down the hall through a cloud of smoke & clamoring voices. At the very end stands two heavy wooden doors, doors that clearly mark the master bedroom from the rest.

            It didn’t feel like your feet were moving but somehow you find yourself in front of the master bedroom. The people you passed in the hallway don’t pay you any mind as you hesitate outside the door, your hand on the handles. Pressing your ear to the door, you strain to make out anything beyond but due to the resonation of the party, all you can hear is the sound of your blood rushing to your head. Feeling nauseous at what may lay on the other side, you swallow down any bile & turn the handle, pushing the doors open.

            Your world spins as you blink through blurred vision at what lies before you. Tyson is on his back, his shorts around his knees as he stares wide-eyed up at a girl—Bridgette—on top of him. In the two seconds it takes you to find them, you know well enough what is happening. Bridgette & Tyson don’t even notice you until you stumble over your words.

            “Tyson… Ty—” A choked sob escapes your throat.

At the sound of his name, Tyson’s glossy eyes slowly fall to you. Hot tears skip down your cheeks when your eyes met. Bridgette moans softly, gripping Tyson’s chin & turning his head back to her. But his eyes remain on you, a crinkle forming between his brows at the sight of you. 

“_____…?” He grunts out your name, his tone thick with confusion. 

Unable to stand the sight anymore, you spin around, not bothering to close the door. Racing down the hallway, you descend the staircase, aiming to make it to the bottom floor but at the curve that leads to the first floor, Rafe stands proudly among the party goers.

The fact that your boyfriend is fucking his ex a floor above you takes concern over seeing the smug smile on Rafe Cameron’s face. Ignoring him, you push past, but not without him grasping your wrist.

“What’s the rush?” He questions, knowing damn well. 

You can’t fathom a sassy rebuttal, only thinking about getting out of the house & as far away from this town as you can. Before you can rip your arm from his grasp though, you hear your name being called. It’s muffled & a floor above you but distinct. Both of you eye the top of the stairs on the third landing, aware of who was calling after you.

You attempt to slip away once more but Rafe’s grip tightens, “Running away again?”

A sneer forms on your face, “Let. Me. Go.”

Rafe’s eyes drop to your lips. He arches a single brow, lowering his voice so only you could hear, “You were always weak.”

Your heart pangs at the comment. Fresh tears form in your eyes. And they aren’t angry ones. Rafe’s right. He had always been right. No five years away from the island & self-teaching could change that. You are weak. You had only gotten better at hiding it.

“____!” Your name rings out again. In a fit, you struggle to release yourself from Rafe’s arm, your eyes darting to the stairs. You can’t stand to see Tyson, not right now, not ever if you can help it. But Rafe wants to watch you squirm, to see you hurting. Your chest is heaving & you feel the early effects of a panic attack washing over you. You are stuck, a mouse caught in a trap, caged in by Rafe’s hand. 

Your eyes fall to him & the look on his face makes you sick. He’s ecstatic. A soft sloping smile is displayed across his lips. He isn’t gonna let you go. Not until you are humiliated. You have to give in.

“Okay! Okay.” You hiss out, your breath coming in fast & sharp as you speak in a hurry. Scared. “I am weak. I have always been weak & I will always be weak. You’re right, okay? You. Win.”

His eyes shine brightly at your admittance. But still, his grip remains.

“Please.” You practically beg, your legs growing weak from the dizziness lining the edge of your consciousness, “Please, Rafe.”

When you say his name, his eyes flutter closed, his lips parting. You watch in petrified disgust as his tongue runs along his teeth. Biting your lip, you whip your head back to the stairs, expecting to see Tyson any second. 

When you turn back to Rafe, his eyes are glazed over, staring deeply into your own, “Go downstairs & wait in the bathroom.”

What? You stare at him confused. Why the hell would you stay here a moment longer? His grip tightens, his eyes challenging you, “Or I’ll make sure everyone watches as Tyson Kearney breaks your heart.”

Your heart beats faster, feeling as if it will burst from your chest. Not wanting to be standing in the middle of the party in case you collapse, you nod in a rush. You want to leave, to do exactly what Rafe said but he tugs you back once more, “And don’t think about disappearing on me again. This time I’ll chase you until you can’t run anymore.”

Then he lets you go. Releasing a strained breath, you race down the last set of stairs. Instead of bursting out the front door & into the night like you had originally planned, you find yourself bypassing the door & making a U-turn to the first floor hallway.

It’s empty, everyone upstairs. You are grateful because you feel like you’re going to be sick. It takes you opening the third door in the hallway before you find the bathroom. You aren’t sure how many there are on this level, or if this is even the one Rafe was talking about, but you don’t care.

Locking the door behind you, your knees give out just before the toilet. You slam the lid & toilet seat up, dry heaving into the bowl. Nothing comes out except spit. Your body is shaking as sobs escape you, the image of Bridgette riding Tyson replaying over & over again. 

No matter how much you want to blame Rafe for his games, he didn’t have control over your boyfriend’s autonomy. Whatever Rafe planned, Tyson could have worked against them, but instead he played right into them. Perfectly. This wasn’t Rafe’s doing, & that pains you more than anything. 

You aren’t sure how long you are sitting on the bathroom floor trying to catch your breath when three knocks sound on the door. Tonight you hadn’t had a single drink but you feel like you’re drunk & experiencing the symptoms of a hangover. Wincing slightly, you rise to your feet, standing just before the door but making no move to open it. 

“_____.” Rafe’s voice sounds, “Open the door.”

What would happen if you didn’t? Couldn’t he just leave you alone? You think back to what he said on the stairs but can only vaguely remember it due to your panicked state. Your breathing has calmed down but your heart is still racing, especially now that Rafe Cameron stands on the other side of a wooden slab from you, beckoning you to open up.

An unamused chuckle resonates from his side of the door, “I won’t ask again. I’ve had a shit ton of coke tonight & my patience is mighty fuckin’ thin, _____. So open,” A thunderous knock, “the fucking,” another one shakes the wood, “door!” 

Swallowing your dignity, your hand ghosts the handle, hoping that the bathroom floor would open up & consume you. But nothing. Resolving yourself to Rafe Cameron, you press your lips together, & unlock the door.

You step back, letting the door sway slowly open. By the time you feel the counter at your lower back, you watch in nostalgic fear as Rafe appears in the doorway. His hair curtains his forehead as his head hangs low, his dark blue eyes peering at you mischievously. 

He says nothing as he steps over the threshold, his eyes never leaving your frame. You feel yourself already cowering in his presence. Where was she? The girl who had faked it for so long? You needed her. 

Rafe reaches behind him, closing the door with a firm & resounding ‘click’. Then locks it. He rests his weight against it, blocking your only exit. Your hands gripped the counter, steeling yourself for what is to come. He had always been predictable in high school, but now… now he leered at you in a way that made you wish you had never set foot on this island. 

The air stood stagnant as you two stared each other down. Your eyes filled with tense fear & Rafe’s with triumph. He closes his eyes briefly, inhaling sharply, before he exhales slowly, his eyes narrowing. You know the look well, having been on the other end of it for three years & again just the previous month. 

“I have you now.” Rafe speaks with such finality & assurance that you almost believe him yourself. You wished you had never come back to the island. 

He takes a single step towards you, his blue orbs meeting your own with promise, “And I’m not letting you go.”

Option B to Part Three. This is the original route I wanted to take & tbh, I'm going to be continuing Always You moving forward from this option. I will leave Option A up for now but will delete it in the future (just not a priority for me right now to take care of that).

Please let me know what you think by liking, commenting, reblogging, dropping an ask, you know the game.

Requests are currently CLOSED.

Thank you for reading!

oona<3

PART FOUR

Read this post on why doing more than liking a tumblr writers work is essential to our content creation.

[my love language is words of affirmation, it would make my day if you could comment your thoughts, reblog with tags, or drop an ask that shows your support. thank you for reading tumblr writers, we appreciate you]

taglist: @totallynotkaibiased @cherryflavoureds-blog @wrongxwriter @magnificantmermaid

if you want to be added to a tag list, comment whether you want to be tagged for a character, a series, or in general, otherwise it will be dismissed.

[devitalise]

Omg I really thought this would be the month I'd beat you to the punch with a check-in but once again time has evaded me & May is, in fact, over in a mere few days 🤥 I think I need to start keeping a physical calendar again to avoid these jumpscares BUT ANYWAY!!! MAY READS!!!! END OF SUCCESSION THOUGHTS!!! WHAT ON EARTH IS IMO GONNA WATCH & READ NEXT!!! 🎤

maybe next month you'll get me.. answering this a lil early so excuse any thoughts that aren't Fully Developed i'll just be away from my laptop and you know how much i love these

may book wrap up

in cold blood by truman capote

i can't remember what i said about this last month. maybe i'm the only person in the world who didn't know this was a "true crime novel" i thought i just picked up a fictional crime genre book. my mistake! general personal thoughts on the gross peversive nature of true crime aside, i think this as investigative journalism (with a questionable bias, fictionalised events, general capote tendecy to lie and gossip) i didn't hate reading it. i could absolutely tell how taken Capote was with Perry Smith in this, he kept coming back to reiterate details about his upbringing and i had to skim parts just because they were of little interest to me. i haven't read anything where the author has managed to so completely remove themselves from their writing like this before. took me a while to read it was a kindle choice and i struggled with reading this month.

podcast: overdue (really enjoyed this podcast set up, actually.) music: red dead redemption 2 soundtrack and this playlist

the piano teacher by elfriede jelinek

unlikable loathsome woman in Austria, this time. really dislike books like this, and this was barely any different. i think Jelinek as an author is neat, i see why she won a nobel peace prize, i'd love to be able to read German to get what was lost in translation. didn't love the story at all here. menacing and gross. what i found most interesting (and hated reading in equal parts) was erica's fucked up relationship with her mother. hate your mother hate the part of her that lives within you, etc etc. i thought this would be sexier, or at least just have more sex like the blurb promised, but other than a few voyeuristic encounters it lacked it completely. sexless and stale. a lot of men dislike this book, though, so if anyone asks then i absolutely loved it.

i read two reviews about this, both with opposing views to my own but interesting to read. music: this soundtrack that almost sent me to sleep. won't be watching the movie

heatwave by victor jestin

it got hot towards the end of last week and i could finally crack open this short little book. i didn't hate it, wasn't blown away by it either. apparently i don't read blurbs - another shock here! i think because these are books that i bought so many months ago when it comes to reading them it's like oh?? well. i was distracted and tanning and drinking gin & tonics whilst reading, and i think this needed more of my attention than i could give. or maybe that's just me being generous.

no links for this one. pending.

i'm currently reading bonjour tristesse by francoise sagan. i've actually finished it but there's two stories in one so i'm on A Certain Smile now. more french books, they're the only books i have set in the summer at the moment. i started reading it on the beach, too.

i bought some new books: season of migration to the north by tayeb smith, the thief's journal by jean genet, my father's diet by adrian nathan west, and diary of a film by niven govinden. i've been reading some really hard books this year (and have bought four more) so i'm gonna switch lanes to some easier reads. the atlas six and nightbitch are probably the easiest of the ones i own at the moment.

AHHHH SUCCESSION.

kendall roy....

i have mixed thoughts about the ending i think it makes perfect sense what went down with the siblings, it doesn't mean that kendall being betrayed hurts me any less. i'm emotionally exhausted after finishing it so i've been watching cooking competitions on netflix. next is the sopranos as my Drama of Choice

also i've been listening to the once upon a time at bennington college podcast you recommended! really enjoying it so far

[vsnotresponding]

23 & 36 for the ask game!

thanks for the ask friend <3

oh boi this is gonna be long (and a little depressing)

(weird questions for writers ask game here)

23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture.

this is gonna be a very long answer because i write in three very different places (and then i also write on the go sometimes while on the bus or such)

our first place is my bedroom, which is as it was 11 years ago in the essentials. it's not very wide but the ceiling is really tall, and it's also at an angle. the walls are painted blue and light green, and there's a window that overlooks my town (my house is at the top of the hill where the town is)(the house is also three stories tall so there's a real nice view). my desk, where i write, is also blue and green, and it's kinda short for me. it's also under my bunkbed so i'm constantly hitting my head. the desk is perpendicular to the window (that i use to distract myself when my vision starts blurring).

around me there's usually university stuff across the desk, as well as water bottles and sometimes my cat sitting on top of a notebook. at the back of the desk there's a shelf i use to keep books and different trinkets (rocks and sand and dried flowers and seashells. i also have volcanic ash and lightbulbs).

the second place is the living room. i only write there when there's no one home. usually i sit on the floor in front of the balcony door (which i leave open), my feet on the outside, back to the couch and laptop on my legs. the room is white, with dark grey bluish details in the curtains and sofa. the floor is dark wood. the balcony has a dark red railing that needed repainting a century ago, with sand walls (they are made of tiny rocks). my cats are usually around too, being annoying.

finally, one of my university's libraries. i started writing in here two months ago on my very long gaps between classes (in fact im writing this there right now).

it's a very long room, white walls and ceilings. there's some kind of plumbing visible on the ceiling too. the tables are a ugly greenish grey, with light wooden chairs. there are not a lot of books for a library, ngl. most walls have art on them, posters from previous editions of Sant Jordi. there's also two little sofas i sometimes write on, but because i write after finishing my schoolwork, most of the time i stay at the table.

oh wow that was long

36. They say to Write What You Know. Setting aside for a moment the fact that this is terrible advice...what do you Know?

ohhh, i like this question.

let's speedrun which of my silly traumatic or awful life experiences i've given my ocs

from 12 to 14 years old i was in a very very dark place mentally, and instead of being normal about it, i gave it all to my oc Enzo. teen!ely also has been mostly inspired by this era in my life, as well as the good old gender dysphoria. oh and yeah, Terrible Relationship With Parents also goes in here. Karma also shares this with me (not so fun facts! some things the shahin says/does are direct quotes from what my father said/did to me when i was a teen) plus the being very autistic and depressed but in a used to be depressed way (and how he sometimes feels when surrounded with friends. oh yeah, and the window, we can't forget the window). and then there's sher which, i gave him chapter 17 basically.

there's actual fun things too. eak loving to sketch everything around him no matter how mundane, the relationship aira has with her cat, enzo's math mind, and oh yeah, Time.

[drinkybirdz]

while i highly doubt the pleasure of the unauthorized fan treatise would be destroyed via spoilers as its a very well constructed story and i dont believe spoilers should be the end all be all, it is a murder mystery and therefore spoilers.

heres an essay of thoughts on unauthorized fan treatise

im so obsessed with gottie. i know we're supposed to accept the anon theory in the epilogue as fact, but are we? i love the open endedness that, while it certainly makes more SENSE gottie killed nathan, it still doesnt feel like it adds up. it makes sense with rob's dialogue during the livestream. what he notes to her after her testimony. but rob seems far too comfortable in his actions TO take the blame. additionally, murderers have been known to break down wandering/do irrational things after a murder. obviously, gottie's unreliable narrator aspect clouds the entire text. but these objective facts--rob did something common among murderers, and took on the blame for nathans murder seemingly without any objections or slightest protest--seem to imply some level of actual guilt. or is it just psychological guilt--does rob feel responsible, and it really was all gottie physically?

anyway to me, it almost feels like they both had a hand in it--ie rob injuring nathan and gottie then trapping him, killing him. "blunt force trauma" with two laptops doesnt make sense. additionally, if the case could be solved so easily by an anon that it was gottie all along, the whole BIG TRIAL thing seems like...kind of stupid. not that law enforcement is any good, but that intense scrutiny of a publicized case tends to have solutions. truly, there isnt enough evidence to convict gottie whether due to her playing the cards or the reality of the situation, so what it feels like to me is that the factor of the case that was obviated was pursued.

i love how the story asks us to get invested WITH gottie. see now im theorizing. what makes me any different from gottie? i love that kind of shit in a piece. the fact shes so unrepentant in her post-trial admission shes going to keep consuming rpf proudly and stalking people takes on a whole new meaning with her story that this was originally just revenge. also delia ending her bit with just saying "i do believe rob and nathan were dating." or whatever is so fucking awesome i absolutely LOVE it. i love how the reader is left to question was gottie really, really right or did she spin the narrative that fucking effectively?

whats particularly interesting is that, with rpf, gottie (and obsessive fangirls like her) are constructing their own realities. theyre bending evidence to serve their purposes, taking things out of context, building stories out of peoples actual lives. which is exactly what gottie proceeds to do with the whole situation. its so cool how thats bought to the forefront.

and shes so much like people ive seen during my time on the internet. ive seen thousands like her. its crazy to think about their stories, and like the anon at the epilogue says, how any number of bizarre horrible memorable people online are still living their lives. botfly lady. does anyone remember botfly lady?!!?!?! the homestuck skin sharpie dyer?!?! sure the rainbow dash cum jar has become sort of a "meme" but that users still around more than likely. still cumming. hiv aids hamilton writer. my immortal "author" fraudster. theyre just living their lives, like gottie after the events of the story. isnt that fucking crazy?

one criticism i have is it feels like 2020 is WAY too late for this story to be set. a '14 date seems much more likely. i also feel like the links totally suck balls. like flesh out the universe. if youre gonna include links, MAKE them.

otherwise, i dont own lauren james' other book but ive read what's been serialized, and loch & ness being a part (CRUCIAL part, actually) of the loneliest girl is an intriguing choice. in tlg l&n ran for 8+ seasons while the murder took place before the release of s2, so itd be cool if theres some kind of reference to an s2 replacement of fang & jaydens actors. whats also interesting is j is consistently likened to jayden, who was played by rob, who is the possibly wrongly incarcerated killer of his costar? so james uses familiarity with their other work to establish discomfort with a character intended to be nefarious. i like it.

[liz-allyn]

madam ??!?!? Madam !???!? What …… I absolutely what ?!?????im spluttering on text ?!!?! What I don’t what to say I really don’t I what did you eat while writing this chapter what ? I want to know and eat that so I can get some sanity and peace back !!?!? I tell you as soon as we came to her kissing Peter part I had switch off of laptop physically remove myself from my room pace back and forth scream curse out all of the shit in my life pull my hair out and come back to come back to read the rest because I was so angry so angry oh I don’t think I’ve ever been so frustrated ever when I’ve read something the only thing that comes close when I had to read the trashy book ugly love for my book club I’m angry frustrated I’m also horny what is this ??!? Why have you done this to me you’re my mortal enemy now (I love you so so so so much you own my soul) I’m angry at honey I have no words to describe the absolute lethal rage I feel towards John if I could materialise into the story Im gonna grab his head of perfectly coiffed hair and bang his head into my trashy university coffee table with mysterious stains and exposed wood edges so he loses both his eyes and then pull out his teeth with my pliers (yes I might be psychotic I realise don’t worry I’m in therapy) and then I’m gonna shake sense into honey because like girl !??! WHAT THE ABOSolute SHIT DO YOU THINK YOURE DOING !?!? And yes I told you I wanted them to fuck but not like this (insert high pitch whiny noise here ) it’s so hot !?!? But like I also wanna cry so bad she really thinks she can outsmart Peter ? Really really does she …..sputters again did she hit her head when she was with John when he went to far ? Like absolutely what ?!? Also confusingly he says he has to be thorough but he never bothered to check about personal documents marriage certificate maybe ???and hey johns a corrupted cop throw back to the bathtub scene when he rescued her and she said her boyfriend is a cop was that an Easter egg ??? Was it ? And then Pete saying you and I both know you don’t have a boyfriend ? Hmm I smell something and It’s FISH 🐠 IM ONTO YOU LIZ MADAM anyway I want honey to be a bad fucking Bitch I realise that will take some time but damn if aren’t waiting for her to blow a hole between johns eyes and to blow Peter as well lol 😝 also Pete baby you absolute fucking feral man you’re pretty toxic yourself don’t say that she’s not a prisoner ok also I can’t wait when he finds bruises are ala John he’s gonna suck his fucking soul out

you’re brilliant as always also I have to ask you a really important question will this story have a happy ending ?

Spoilers for chapter 8-9

I feel you so much rn. I love reading this reaction. I’m excited for the future, that’s all I have to say.

And

They will be fucking working through trauma

Things will get even more complicated stressful intense thrilling frustrating horny

I always write a happy ending

[fushipurro]

Lessons in Love

Chapter 2 - Love & War

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☆ Content: 18+ MDNI, f!reader, mma!toji, jjk au, pet names, roommate!satoru, roommate!suguru, mma!sukuna, foreplay (vaginal), creampie, biting/sucking/hickies, age gap (10 years), mentions of violence, blood, and abuse, jealousy/angst, fluffy caretaking toji, kinda mean/insecure toji, jealous reader.

☆ Word Count: 5.6k

"baby, m' fuck─ gonna cum."

your legs tightly around his waist, nails clawing into his muscular back moaning, "please─ god fuck, fill me, toji!" worshipping your names together and each other's bodies. toji's warmth blanketing your velvet walls with no room to spare, his fingers making sure every last bit remained inside you.

"that's my pretty girl, savor every bit." he coos, hunched over caressing your cheeks as sweat falls from his raven hair. toji could be rough and physically demanding, but his aftercare with you was a different story. it had to be though, seeing that this was the fourth round of the morning. it was, at least as far as you could remember after drowning in each other.

"so what are you doing today, toji? I was thinking we go hit up that new─"

"sorry, gotta train today." toji handed you a towel while cleaning himself off, putting his pants back on while you laid there naked, watching him.

"I thought your next match wasn't for a few weeks still? least that's when you usually start your extreme prep regime."

he was quiet for a moment as he finished dressing himself in your favorite black sweats of his. "still gotta train though, princess. don't have time to write your book for ya."

you looked at him with a confused expression, "what's that supposed to mean?"

by now toji was practically biting his tongue with regret, "nothin', just forget it. go enjoy yourself today and I'll see you later."

you spent the rest of your morning resting, finally getting ready by mid afternoon. one of your favorite places to write was a local panera bread in a quiet booth working away on your laptop, meals or drinks at the ready.

thanks to toji's help, your recent novel has been circulating as a bestseller. for the past few months you've continued to see him as a couple, while also enjoying his mma matches that were really taking off in popularity. lately however, he's been a bit distant of sorts. toji still maintained seeing you and your usual activities, but seemed to also be withholding some secrets that made your gut wrench thinking about. after this morning, writing wasn't exactly setting your mind straight.

"hmm, i guess i could bring him some lunch, he might like that."

you ordered him his sandwich of choice from the bakery and made your way over to the jujutsu gym. inside were several fighters you've seen from previous matches, but toji was nowhere to be seen.

"can i help you, miss?" a voice came from behind you. you were greeted by a man in a suit, cigarette between his lips.

"hi, i'm looking for toji? i brought him some lunch for his training."

"toji? ah, you must be his girlfriend. i'm shiu, his manager, but i'm afraid he's not here."

as if things weren't already a little weird, now you can't help but question the truth of what he's telling you. a helpless insecurity that began to gnaw away at you. this was the only place he did his training, his own apartment was just for sleeping and storage.

"oh haha, must've gone home then, thanks for the help and nice to meet you, shiu!"

you walked away waving before he could reply, leaving shiu puffing smoke into the air amidst the sounds of others hard at work. sure he might've known what toji was up to, but last thing you want to be is perceived as some clingy stalker girlfriend.

later on in the evening, you bided your time with your weekly drama shows. toji said he'd see you later after all, even if he wasn't sleeping over, he'd probably want to eat something together eventually, especially after a day of training. your phone finally buzzed with the very man you desired to hear from, gleaming eyes quickly shut down.

toji zenin can't make it tonight, sorry doll sent: 6:24pm

y/n fushiguro it's alright, you okay? sent: 6:24pm

an hour went by, but still no response. nerves starting to get the better of you.

maybe he's just resting after training...

another hour gone, still nothing. you ended up eating the sandwich you got for him before it could go stale and got ready for bed. that night dragged on as sleeping felt impossible. in no way do you want to be the jealous girlfriend, but intrusive thoughts can be a bitch when the other party is lacking in communicating.

there you were, walking alone on a downtown street late one evening, missing your boyfriend. you stopped to admire the shops around you, looking up from the frosted windows to see toji walking in your direction and laughing with a beautiful woman glued to his side.

"toji, hi!" you said, trotting up to him with a cautious smile at the girl.

"um, who's this?" the woman sneered to toji. she made no effort to hide the disgust written all over her face.

toji gave a sadistic smile, gripping the girl closer, "just one of my old pets, doll." your smile faded and you began to tear up, backing away slightly from the couple.

"ew, is it really crying?"

"pathetic, right?" he laughed, looking down at you with darkened eyes, "better run along, you're spoiling our date."

the two shoved you aside, leaving you on the snowy walkway with tears streaming down your face, watching the man you deeply admired walk away like you were nothing and everything leading up to now was all for naught. your voice left whimpering until the image faded to black and suddenly the white ceiling in sight above and the sun peeking between your curtains.

"fuck, it was just a dream." you reached up to your wipe your face, the tears from what you saw still falling from your eyes onto your sheets. reaching for your phone, it didn't help that there still wasn't any response from toji, only a message from your roommate, suguru, that breakfast was covered in the microwave for you whenever you got up.

today was spent being even less productive than yesterday. more time watching tv and sappy romance movies than working on your next bestseller. nothing pulled you away from the comfort of your living room sofa. every movie you watched had you imagining you and toji together in place of the characters. a cycle of daydreams all ending with the same flashback to the nightmare from earlier.

god, what am i doing with myself, i really am pathetic...

a knock sounded from your front door, you ignored it at first as you weren't really expecting anyone. toji typically lets you know ahead of time he's coming and your roommates have keys so who could it be? the knocking continued until you begrudgingly stepped over to answer wrapped in a blanket. opening the door to reveal the very man whose body you know oh so well.

"took ya long enough, you tryin' to ignore me?"

"you ignored my message first," you didn't wait to see his reaction, instead pouting as you walked back to the couch, door left ajar for toji to enter behind. he remained quiet as he followed you inside. back down in your spot, movie now resumed, you felt toji kneel into the back of the sofa behind you, his head nestled on your shoulder.

"what's wrong, princess? tired of me already?" he whispered in your ear, sending a shiver of goosebumps down your neck.

"n-nothing, was just worried when i didn't hear from you."

the man started twirling strands of your hair around his fingers and admiring the color. "m' sorry, doll. training was rough and i fell asleep right after i texted ya."

"i went to bring you lunch yesterday though and your manager said you weren't there." you voice was quiet and slightly hoarse after the on and off crying. toji moved around the couch, taking a spot next to you pulling you closer to him.

"y/n, what's really bothering you?" his large fingers delicately brushing your hair back to reveal more of your pretty face to his green and hungry eyes.

you couldn't make eye contact out of fear you'd turn inconsolable, but you softly replied back, "i-i just missed you and i... feel like there's something you're not telling me, toji."

he pulled you into his lap with your legs draped over his, letting your head rest against his chest. "like what?"

"i don't know... i had a bad dream last night that you left me for someone prettier..." you mumbled near the end, terrified to say the thought out loud even as you were wrapped against him leaking tears onto his sweatshirt.

"that's what this is about? a bad dream?" his deep voice was delicate against your hair while one of his thumbs rubbed a spot on your arm in circles. "you think i'd cheat on you like some bastard, y/n?" he sighed.

you began to lean up to look at his face, "then why are you being so secreti─ toji, what the fuck happened!" his cheeks were bruised and cut up, moving your eyes over the available skin and finding more.

leaning back up away from him slightly, toji sighed and leaned his head against his knuckles, "it's nothing serious, doll. it was just training."

"training? you expect me to believe all that came from training and i shouldn't worry?" now you were more angry than hurt, never in recent times had you seen him like this. hell even after his matches he didn't look remotely similar to this. "you look like someone mugged you and didn't bother fighting back!"

toji hissed, "as if i'd let some punk think they could steal from me," his hand moved to rest on top of your head trying to reassure you with a chuckle, "i fought in a few matches is all."

"matches? but that wasn't until a few weeks from now, right?"

"publicly, yeah, but those aren't the only fights i compete in."

your shock now turned to confusion over the sudden confession. you settled down and crept back against him.

"what do you mean?"

"listen, princess, it's better ya don't know."

"i'd like to know, toji." you pouted, the man returning your pout with another sigh. "please?"

"it's just some underground fighting, a way to let off steam and make some extra money. if i told ya then you'd be begging to come and it's not safe for ya."

"what's wrong with the regular fights you already do? doesn't seem like this is worth it given how you look right now..."

your fingers began tracing over some of the bruises available to you, the man watching you carefully and enjoying the touch of his private nurse.

"i make more money winning fights down there than i do in front of flashing cameras acting like some celebrity. don't gotta care about rules either."

"take me wi─" you started,

"no," only to be shut down immediately.

"please, toji?"

the man pouted and crossed his arms, "if i let you come, and i mean if, you will be a good girl and stay with me or shiu at all times. understand?"

"it's a promise, so when are we going?"

he rubbed his eyes with his hands while sighing, as he went to respond, a growl from your stomach interrupted.

"well aren't you a needy girl today. still got the food you wanted to give me yesterday?"

your eyes down and away, "...no i ate it."

"i'll order some delivery then," he reached over to you and pulled you onto his lap facing him with his hands on your hips, "in the meantime, princess, we have some making up to do for last night. gotta remind that pretty head of yours that you're my only girl." toji curved his head as he pulled you closer to meet his lips.

that night became one of the few times you hoped the delivery driver would never make it to you. your time was spent making love all over your bedroom in more positions that'd put even the kama sutra to shame. walls echoing each other's name, bodies embracing the pure ecstasy of the union of flesh and seed.

even as you received your food from the driver and signing any receipts, the two of you could hardly be pulled apart. hidden by the thickness of the door was the man who couldn't keep his hands off of you while your goal was simply to act like there wasn't the biggest dick imaginable buried inside you. the hardest part proving to be actually getting back to your room to eat, as toji had you bent over the couch so you both could reach your final climax of this round before you were able to replenish yourself with some dinner. thank god your roommates weren't home so they couldn't bear witness to your freedom and a love so overwhelming intense.

"so this is the underground arena?" it was jaw-dropping and not what you expected compared to the prior matches you've witnessed. big stone steps leading down to a metal fence wrapped in barbed wire. there were a large crowd of shady individuals here, men of all ages, many in suits and others with hoods.

"remember what i said, princess."

toji was showing off a different side of himself tonight, more stern and hot-headed, but he kept a close eye on you while sandwiching you between him and his manager until you were seated down on a cold slab of concrete for the night. the older man made his way off to get ready for his match, hardly saying a word to you the entire time.

well i can see what he means about the gambling hobby

everywhere you looked were employees taking bets at each aisle like a hotdog salesman. announcers were discussing the bigger rewards overhead and more importantly, the title match of the night being the current champion sukuna, the king of the underground, versus yours truly, toji.

it was easy to see why toji didn't want you there in the first place, you were a delicate flower blooming in a concrete jungle smeared with blood and bone fragments. he wasn't kidding either about there being no rules, the fights you witnessed were brutal. some fighters going so far as to use shivs or brass knuckles, others using the barbed fence to their advantage. doesn't matter if one person was on the floor surrendering, no referee dared step inside the cage of thorns. the crowd drowning out your own thoughts with screams as though this was a show of gladiators in a modern day colosseum.

"don't worry about toji, this isn't his first fight." shiu's voice whispered in your ears, pulling your head back from the surrounding chaos.

"is it really worth it to be here? i swear some of these people aren't leaving the arena alive..."

the man next to you took a puff of his cigarette as he kept his gaze ahead at the cage, "in toji's case, the money he makes off bets outweighs the risks. not a lot of people come close to his level and experience and the patrons here know that. unregulated venues make for higher payout over hollywood wrestling."

"i guess..." you wanted to refute more, concerned for his safety. toji was making a name for himself publicly so surely he needn't spend time with this crowd. it bothered you though that he remarked this place as one where he could blow off steam. he wasn't one to talk much about his past, always changing the conversation before it could get too deep.

it was nail biting waiting for the fight to begin. it was the highlight of the night so they saved it for last to rack up as many bets as they could. you thought the noise of the underground was loud earlier but once the fighters made their appearances, it became deafening until the fighters made their place inside the cage. the air became a stand still with two brutes staring each other down.

the bell rang and the fighters sprang at each other, sukuna dawning a horrifying grin as he made contact. toji's fangs bearing back, no hit came without revenge being given. neither side used weapons like previous fighters, only the strength and skill they've accumulated from years of training. all you were able to do was bite your lip and dig your heels into the stone below, praying that toji would be safe. blood flew everywhere after every hit, neither fighter refusing to give up as they ruthlessly fought like hyenas for scraps.

the crowd was ravenous, screaming the names of whoever their bets aligned with to finish the fight already. both fighters becoming exhausted of their energy to continue, their smiles faded and dripping red. you noticed toji's eyes slip to meet yours before sukuna lunged himself at the distracted man to try and secure victory. toji refused to give in, his raw strength flipping sukuna and nailing him against the floor until. he surrendered.

the building ran silent for a moment before chaos resumed in cheers for toji, your heart relieved and happy that he won and could still stand up on his own.

"let's go before it turns into a mob." shiu's voice in your ears once more as you got up to follow him. the surrounding crowd becoming an overbearing wave that pulled you away from shiu. your voice unheard, shiu getting further and further away in the crowd unable to reach you. eventually making it out to one of the hallways leading towards an exit. many still inside claiming the fruit of their bets, others left hungry and pissed in the hall.

suddenly an arm gripped yours from the crowd, "you lost, little girl?" you turned hoping it someone you recognize, but your stomach dropped seeing toji's opponent trying to pull you closer to him. "i see why toji got distracted near the end, you'd make a better prize."

you pulled back, wishing to get away, the fear caging your voice from protesting. the man's other arm reached further towards you, closing your eyes to what you thought was about to happen. all of a sudden the tension on your wrist was gone and you fell to the ground. opening your eyes, toji was in front of you attempting to choke sukuna.

"the fuck ya think you're doing touching my girl?" he growled. blood was still smeared on toji as though he hadn't had a moment to get cleaned before trying to find you.

"oi oi, you already won the money, do you really need that little plaything too?" he narrowed his eyes and smiled back at toji, "we can always fight over it some other day, but good luck winning next time. i won't go easy on you." toji released his grip on the man, still snarling as sukuna exited.

"toji, thank god, i was worried about you─"

"what'd i tell you about going off on your own?" visibly angry and shouting, his fangs now were directed at you.

"toji, i was with shiu but the crowd─"

"this ain't like one of your books where everything works out, princess. you don't know what the people here are capable of."

nothing you were saying had an effect on the man, it was upsetting to say the least and you've had enough of this treatment.

"i'm going home, congrats on winning, toji." you turned away, teary eyed and pushing your way to the exit with newfound resolve.

"fuck─ y/n, come back." he kept pace with you, "i'm sorry, doll, please wait."

"i'm sorry but no, i want to go home." you met his eyes with teary daggers, "i thought you were different, toji, but clearly you aren't." the look you gave him shattered him. never did he think something like this would affect him the way it is.

your arm was gripped once more out in the street with calloused fingers, but this time your body knew it was toji's. you stood there, not turning to face him while you softly whimpered.

"you can be mad at all me all ya want, but you're not going home by yourself. i will not allow it regardless of how much you want to kick and scream."

it was futile to fight so you just nodded and followed him back to his car. the drive home was silent, your eyes wandering the different stores and street lamps illuminating the falling snow. toji sighed frequently, words lost on him, gripping the shifter with his veiny arm and gnawing on his lip. he wanted to follow you into your apartment, hoping there'd be some form of forgiveness, but instead you closed the door behind you, "goodnight, toji."

wasn't long before you could hear him cursing himself behind the door and nearly breaking a hole into your neighbors wall. he didn't want you there with him tonight to begin with so you could be safe but instead you witnessed him at his worst and now he's left to wonder if you'll ever speak to him again or if he's fucked the only good thing he has going for good.

awoken from his slumber, toji grunted in pain, both physically and in his chest. his first thought about you, wondering if you were okay and still upset. he rolled over to check his phone, but of the few names plastered on the screen, none of them were yours. the older man went about that first day cleaning off all the dried blood from his skin and the stained sheets he collapsed in upon arriving home last night. toji periodically checked his phone, hoping you were just sleeping in, but hours went by and not a peep arose from the device. the wait was agonizing.

the next day was all the same, he kept his device at arms length waiting to see the photo of you and your pretty smile appear so he can finally hear your voice again. the man vented his frustrations by working out his sore body and daydreaming on the couch of his apartment. he wanted to respect your space, but he desperately was starting to miss you.

fuck, look what you're doing to me, princess. i don't deserve any bit of you, you're too good for someone like me.

day three came and the image of you in tears refused to leave his vision. he wanted so badly to crush his phone each time he looked but didn't see your name but he had to fight the urge. how else would you be able to reach him if he didn't have a working phone? how on earth would he be able to make it up to you?

please call me, doll, i'm sorry i made ya cry.

day four and toji finally decided this was the day he's had enough. he picked up his phone and tried to call you only to be hit with your voicemail. a few texts here and there throughout the day asking, no, pleading, just to talk to you. to hear your voice again and know things were going to be okay again. toji even showed up to your apartment around dinner, praying that maybe you'll be more open if he could treat you again like before. your roommates refused to budge and wouldn't let him enter, claiming you weren't there or that you didn't want to see him. not that toji believed any of it, knowing how protective satoru and suguru get over you. not when he could see your shoes in the entry past the two guards. he cursed two and begged for you, hoping you'd hear him and come running out like always.

i miss you so much, love. i'm sorry for being so stupid.

the next few days were miserable. it was a realization how smitten toji was for you. someone whose life has been so cold and lonely, intermittently filled with gambling or one night stands. the abuse he suffered growing up to become a vicious bastard of a man. you changed that for him. you appeared in his life as a ray of hope for someone with no self-respect. someone who wasn't faking a smile or laugh. someone who only wanted him for who he truly could be with the right help to see that. someone who loved him for him, flaws and all. toji would shatter all the bones in his body if it meant getting to see you again so he could tell you how much you mean to him.

please, y/n...

on the night of the seventh day, his phone finally shined with the familiar photo of you he craved with all his being.

y/n fushiguro meet me at the park, i need to see you sent: 10:56pm

needless to say, the man burned the rubber off his tires to get to you as fast as humanly possible. it was snowing again this night, gathering on the ground around, white as far as you could see. thankfully the park was quiet, only your two souls rested beneath the lanterns. his eyes finally caught sight of you sitting on a bench wrapped in your favorite coat and a scarf he bought for you. toji rushed forward nearly out of breath to meet you.

"y/n, listen, i'm sor─"

"toji." your voice silenced his. he stood in front of you, green orbs glued to your face. "i'm sorry for ignoring you, i needed the space a-and i had a deadline for my book you think is stupid to work on."

toji's eyes widened and he bit his lip trying to remain silent as you stood up and softly grabbed his shirt, teary eyes attempting to meet his.

"i wanted to see what you were fighting all by yourself. i begged for you to take me and i tried to do as you said."

"i know, i know, sweetheart." he calmly replied, his arms trying to reach around your shoulders to pull you in for a hug.

"i'm sorry i got lost and you needed to save me, but i was worried you know! it was frightening down there and i wanted to know that you were okay! i wanted to show you that i'm there for you for everything!"

his calloused fingers weaved through your hair, clutching your head closer to his chest and resting his chin on top of your head. "i know, sweetheart, i'm sorry for being an ass to ya. i shouldn't have brought you there."

"no, toji! don't you get it yet? i don't care how scary things are if i'm with you. i know you'll keep me safe. you think it's a stress relief down there, but i don't want you to fight these things alone when you don't have to. i'm right here so just talk to me, please!" your voice cracking between your tears, refusing to let go of toji now that the two of you were united again.

"i can live with you fighting down there, i trust you. but don't you dare shut me out."

"i'm so sorry, princess."

your weight fell deeper into his arms, attempting to pull him down with you to the ground.

"y/n?" toji asked, tilting your head up to see your eyes closed and cheeks blushing red. he moved his hand to your forehead, realizing how feverish you were. "shit!" he hissed, lifting your limp body into his arms and rushing back to his car with you. toji carefully sped his way back to his apartment with you. glancing over at each red light, realizing now that you were dressed in pajamas underneath the jacket and probably freezing your ass off because of him. your emotions he caused led you to overwork yourself to the point of being sick. it killed him to think how he stood around waiting for his phone to ring when you might not have been even able to. biting down on his lips and cursing himself for being such a fool. he took you for granted and paid a price he'll always regret for hurting you.

toji wasted no time in getting you up into his apartment and deep under his bedsheets. he wasn't sure the best way to help you out, questioning if whatever action he took would hurt you further than the damage he already did to you. he tried wiping you down with a warm washcloth, dressed you in one of his sweaters with an ice pack over your head. he laid in bed with you, afraid to touch you until your body seemed to instinctively roll over to clutch his. your head resting on his chest, a lullaby beating from his core directly into your ears. his arm now held you close to him, fingers teasing and trailing through your hair and down the side of your body. toji's eyes never leaving your body for a second until his vision blurs and fades into the night.

toji was the first to wake up the next day. oh so happy that you were still tight around him, drooling onto his body. he checked your temperature with his hand.

thank fuck it's better now, i'm so sorry baby

he carefully caressed your body once more. as much as he desired to stay like this forever, never leaving your side again, toji also couldn't wait for you to awaken so he could hear your voice ringing in his ears once more. but what would you say? would you still be upset at him? his heart fluttered when you finally began to stir, yawning as you looked up to meet his gaze with your own tired eyes.

"t-to..ji?"

"i'm here, sweetheart."

your hand reached up until your thumb could rub along the scar on his lip, "i love you."

toji was shocked, his lips parted with your finger remaining on the piece of his troubled past. after a moment he softened up and reached for your own face and smiled sweetly.

"i love you too, y/n."

finally your expression returned to the one he loved most. the pure hearted smile that drew him to you in the first place. the sun chose that perfect moment to illuminate your bedroom, radiating your beautiful features and reflecting rainbows off droplets of drool still creasing the corner of your lips. he couldn't take it anymore and rolled you onto your back so he could dangle himself above you.

toji looked deeply into you with such a fond expression, your hands cupping each side of his face as he met his lips with yours. that moment was everything. two loves finally together again, your taste mingling with his as you whimpered his name with such pretty soprano moans. hands reaching around his neck, forcing him deeper into you as your legs rubbed against his.

"i'm sorry, love." he said between kisses. "i'm a broken man and i don't deserve you, but i'm selfish and need ya to stay with my, my beautiful girl."

"i know, honey. i want you forever and always." his lips continued pursuing yours, moaning your name over and over with every breath he took. "you deserve to be happy as well, no matter what anyone else thinks."

"my pretty girl," toji praised, flushing his digits into your soaked body. he marked your chest up with his love, "i'll never hurt you again."

"i know you won't, toji."

he slipped off your panties and positioned himself at your hips, resting his quivering cock on your pearl. "please fuck me, toji." he smiled back at you, pressing into you until you to meet his hilt with your body.

"good girl, sweetheart, shit─"

his pace slow at first, worried he'd set back your recovery if he pushed you too much. you nodded and told him it was okay, begging him to go faster as he teased your g-spot with his tip. toji was normally rough but today was not one of those days. today was about making you feel better, making you feel all the love he should've been giving you.

your hips grinded against his every motion, reaching your arms up above your head desperate to dig your nails into something.

"oh fuck, toji, m' cummi─" you squealed.

"let it out baby, shit─ i'm right here with ya."

your back arched, lost in the feeling of each other's love overflowing inside. toji wasted no time continue his advances in you, a myriad of wet squelches and joyful screams. it felt so good to be together again and you never wanted to let this moment go.

when you were all done and tired, he cleaned you up first, delicately kissing every spot he claimed on your body as his. he got back in bed with you after and rested his head against your chest to hear your heart, finally opening up about his past to you as you toyed with his hair. you realized it's gotten longer since the time you first met him, but you loved it all the same and wouldn't change a thing. happy now that he listened and wasn't shutting you out.

"i'm sorry i've been dissing your books, princess." all those previous comments were the result of lack of self-respect and doubts feeding his insecurity.

"it's okay, toji, i forgive you."

"i love you so much, y/n."

you kissed the top of his head in response, "and i love you too, toji."

☆ Notes: was listening to this song & this as well as some toji tiktok edits like this and it got me craving some angst to evolve my fic's relationships. i've never written jealous angsty stuff before so hopefully it's fine and not like accidentally red flaggy... (autism makes it confusing sometimes for me) on a side note though, i think "call me" from blondie would be a fitting song to fuck toji to. lastly, if you're curious, the car of my choice for toji here is a 68' dodge charger simply because i went to homecoming in one back in high school and it was cool af! hope you enjoyed and thanks for reading, it was a little self indulgent at times i'm sure but i spent a lot of time on it and i'm happy with the result.

☆ Taglist: @lynnsemptymind

[impossiblemakerfire]

Pianoforall reviews - Is it worth the trouble or is it just another boring piano lesson?

Like piano lessons for all students, Pianoforall is a popular program for learning to play the piano by ear instead of the more technical way of reading music. It's no longer a brand-new app. The Pianoforall course was first added in 2006. It was made by professional pianist Robin Hall. pianoforall reviews, It was updated and made more modern in a big way in 2013 and 2020. In those 15 years, a lot of students all over the world have bought Pianoforall. The COVID-19 pandemic has given pianoforall a sort of second chance. In 2020 or 2021, when many communities are on lockdown, more people than ever are going online to meet new people, play games, or even learn new skills like B. The piano as a gamble. Sales of Pianoforall are going very well. The amount of buzz about this piano teacher is at an all-time high, so now is a great time to take a closer look and see what all the fuss is about. Find out more about all nine pianoforall books on a trustworthy website.

What You Want: Pianoforall

You need a bodily piano or keyboard. If you don't have a fancy setup, a digital piano might not be enough. The best tool to use is one with 88 keys. But 61-key and, to a lesser extent, 76-key virtual keyboards are more common and cheaper, so many students are starting with them. A 61-key keyboard is a good way to learn how to play the piano. But there are some things that can't be done. Because there are less octaves with sixty-one keys, you might not be able to play all songs correctly. You should also think about whether or not your instrument has keys with different weights. Most piano teachers agree that fully weighted keys help students learn faster and with a more nuanced understanding. But weighted keys cost more money. Half-weighted keys are better than none at all, but if you can't afford fully weighted keys, unweighted keys are better than none at all. You will also need a way to read the e-books and watch the videos that come with pianoforall. If you're reading this file, chances are you're in good shape. You can use a computer, laptop, tablet, or even a phone with Windows, Mac, Linux, Android, or iOS as the operating system. Visit the official Pianoforall website to find out more about which items qualify for this program.

Who is Robin Hall, piano-for-all?

Robin Hall is an artist who is known as a cartoonist and may be very good at it. He is also a pianist, and he started his career by selling his paintings and music, often on a contract basis. Hall also worked as a private tutor, teaching people how to play the piano and how to turn their natural creative skills into skills they can use in the real world as a professional cartoonist. The question of whether it's better to learn by ear or from notes is an old one, but Hall almost always takes the former view. As he moved up in his career, he began to promote books, including The Cartoonist's Workbook. In it, he uses art, educational texts, stories, and humor to get his ideas across, and it works. He realized at this point that these ideas could also be used in piano lessons. He started using these strategies and did very well with them. Then he put them into the pianoforall program.

What's safe on the pianoforall?

Illustration 1 The middle of the pianoforall course is made up of nine e-books with a total of 600 pages. Each e-book introduces a path with a topic,pianoforall reviews, such as: B. Jazz, and the books are set up so that you work through them in order. Each book builds on the skills you picked up in the last one. The program also has more than 200 video lessons, which are available online in the e-books. This way, Hall can show a concept from more than one angle, and it's easier for you to listen and figure out the track you're supposed to copy at each level of the route. Pianoforall also has more than 500 audio song parts and physical activities. These sports events are especially good for freshmen who learn best by hearing and can help you remember what you just learned in class. You can spend as much or as little time on each exercise as you need to understand the concept. Find out more about all nine pianoforall books on a trustworthy website.

Piano for ALL: The Whole Course

In the sections that follow, we'll talk about the nine e-books in the middle and one of the bonus books: Party Time: Rhythm Style Piano is the first book. The main four books are meant to build a strong foundation. The first book starts from scratch and teaches you everything you need to know to keep playing the piano or keyboard. This also means that you need to know what chords and rhythms are. After the program gives you the notes, you can play triad chords. The main idea that runs through this book is that playing and listening to music is more important than understanding the theory behind it. It does, however, teach you about some of these theories, such as rhythm notation. Pianoforall is different from other piano books in a great way: it doesn't spend a lot of time on practicing rhythm and naming notes. Its goal is to teach you the basics of how to play and then move you along quickly. udemy pianoforall, The rest of the time is spent teaching you how to act out famous music rhythms that you probably already know well or have at least heard of. Blues and Rock 'n' Roll, Book 2 By the end of the first book, you'll know 10 rhythms and 11 basic chords to play "Amazing Broken Chord Ballad," a famous piano lesson song, and you'll be able to play the chords and rhythms of a few well-known songs that almost everyone knows. The second book builds on that by teaching you how to play blues rhythms. One of the main goals of this book is to make you practice left-hand rhythms until you can play them without thinking. Then, the rhythms for the right hand will be easier. This book is shorter than the first, but by the end, you will know how to play five of the most famous blues rhythms. You'll also be able to play the 12-bar blues in any key, which is an important part of popular music. Book #3: Chord Spells Book 3 is the most complicated, but it will teach you the chords and inversions for each key. This is a form of too many numbers, even if they are needed. It reminds you of a few things that piano teachers have been telling college students for hundreds of years. You can find a bunch of physical activities in the 0.33 book that will help you remember what you just learned. It also gives you an introduction to the Circle of Fifths, which is also called the Circle of Fourths. This gives you a basic idea of how music is put together and how keys relate to each other.

Advanced Chords Made Easy is the fourth book.

Advanced chords can seem hard, and the goal of this book is to show you different ways to look at them so that they seem much easier. It begins with what Hall calls a "magic system" that helps you play chords by using the symbols for chords in songbooks. He shows you a bit inspired by Barry Manilow, and then he challenges you to write your own piece based on the same idea. From there, the path moves on to chord bundles and faded chords, with several practice sequences to help you learn them. Once you're good at those, you'll learn the Beatles' style and get a list of songs you can play. Ballad Style is the fifth book. The fifth e-book has a lot going for it. It teaches you how to play a ballad-style tune by having you build your own piece of music step by step. The focus here is on teaching you how to improvise and, perhaps more importantly, showing you that you already have the creativity to do so now. Once you know that, the book goes back to well-known ballads from around the world, like "B. Auld Lang Syne, and gives you sheet music for about five more. By the end of the course, you'll be able to play a few complete solo piano pieces, as well as some well-known Christmas carols. Find out more about all nine pianoforall books on a trustworthy website. All That Jazz & Blues is the sixth book. This may be one of the more difficult parts of the route, but it also has a lot to do with school. Here, you'll learn about blues scales, chords, and other blues-related things. The application then moves right on to jazz, which may be very hard to understand, but this approach makes it much easier to understand. Through the lessons, the student learns to play jazz in four different keys, and there are many fun and tasty progressions in these lessons. Book 6 is also full of tips for improvising, and it encourages you to do it as you test. By the end of this course, you'll know a lot about seventh chords and quarter-tone harmony. Advanced Blues & Fake Stride is the seventh book. Book 7 is funny because it goes back to e-book and keeps going from there. You might have forgotten what you learned back then, but this book reminds you of it and shows you just how far you've come. It also has the information about advanced chords that you just learned. You will also learn how to do slides, tremolo, and other blues moves. The software then moves on to the stride piano, which can be either real or fake depending on how far the hand moves. It all comes to a head when the student plays The Entertainer, which is widely thought to be one of the hardest jazz arrangements. Book No. 8 is called Taming the Classics. This is the first part of the course where you really work with sheet music, and it starts with a review of what you've learned about music notation so far. You will also get tips and strategies for how to work with your notes so that you can handle them better. Book 8 is probably one of the most divisive parts of Pianoforall because it doesn't teach you how to study music in the usual way. Instead, it is a shortcut that requires you to look up chords and motifs you already know, paying attention to flat and sharp notes. Then the direction moves on to full classical piano pieces by many great composers, such as Beethoven. The course also gives you all the tools you need to practice reading music, pedaling, tone, and other skills. It's up to the student to decide how much time to spend on each skill. Ninth Book: Fast Learning You'll look at arpeggios, scales, and triads in this last book. These things might be some of the first things you learn in a traditional online piano course. Here are a few of the last ones, and it's fun to go back to the basics after you've learned so many amazing piano skills. The name of the book comes from the fact that you may need to use these strategies every day to get better at what you do. It has mnemonic phrases that are easy to remember and a lot of practice exercises that you should learn by heart. Once you've done this, you may have a deep understanding of melodic styles, keys, seventh chords, triads, and so on.

The Practice of Mindfulness, which is a bonus book,

This bonus book is not just about playing the piano; it is about creativity in general. It's about how to put what makes you who you are into your song and other parts of your life. Video training As mentioned, the video instructions are a part of the text-based courses, but we wanted to quickly explain what they are about. pianoforall - incredible new way to learn piano & keyboard, Most videos show two or more keyboards lined up next to each other horizontally. The bottom keyboard looks like Hall's fingers when he plays it. The keys on the second keyboard are colored to show what keys are being pressed in the video below, and the 0.33 keyboard is used to show important things like progressions, transitions, and so on. With Piano for All and a special online discount, you can start learning piano right away.

Pros and cons of Pianoforall

In a nutshell, here's a summary of what we like and don't like about pianoforall: Per: You can start playing the piano right away. It includes instructions that can be heard, seen, and read. It uses well-known songs to please as many people as possible. It makes you use your left hand just as much as your right. encourages your musicality, Robin Hall Pianoforall, or your natural ability to make music. Gives information in a way that's easy to understand Disadvantages: Maybe too little cognizance on era Maybe I didn't pay enough attention to what I was reading. skips over a number of important words and symbols Is Pianoforall Really as Good as Everyone Says? Giselle Sproule's last update was: Piano Apps & Courses, Learn Piano Score for pianoforall WHAT YOU NEED "Piano for all" is a very flexible direction in terms of what you need to follow it, but you must have a piano or keyboard. Getting a sixty-one-key keyboard and starting to practice is a lot better than not having a keyboard at all. Portable piano keyboard Still, if you are serious about learning to play the piano, I would suggest getting an 88-key, fully weighted digital piano as soon as possible. Most 61-key keyboards are either unweighted or only partially weighted, which means they feel much lighter and different than an acoustic piano keyboard. Digital pianos, on the other hand, usually have 88 hammer-action keys that feel as much like an acoustic piano as possible. This lets you improve your right finger strength and technique. As for the time, pianoforall pdf free download,you can download the e-books on your Mac, PC, iPhone, iPad, or Android. If you want to learn piano online,pianoforall reviews, you've probably already found Pianoforall. Pianoforall is a popular online piano course with more than 250,000 students. The way you play is based on chords before you are asked questions, so you sound like a pro right away. The author, Robin Hall, says that his ebook course will teach you to "play the piano by ear, improvise, compose, and finally read piano sheet music." Each "chunk-sized" lesson is designed to help you move from one skill to the next in a logical way in a short amount of time. Reviews say that 2030 minutes of practice every day is enough to start sounding right in a few days. So how does pianoforall paint? Does it do what it says it will? Read on, and I'll tell you everything you need to know to decide whether or not pianoforall is right for you. Is this the right path for you? In this newsletter, I'd like to talk about a way to learn to play the piano called "Piano For All. It's a series of eBooks (downloadable or on DVD) with audio and video lessons built in to help you learn to play the piano quickly and easily. review pianoforall, Since the price is very low, this review will try to answer the most obvious question: can you really learn to play the piano with an eBook course that costs less than $100? Piano for All Review: After 7 Years (!) In fact, the best price for the virtual version of Piano for All is $40, which is often the cost of a single lesson with a good teacher (and that is generous). is pianoforall any good, In this case, the author of the program, Robin Hall, is your trainer. Best of all, he's a lot cheaper and always available to you. I'll start this review by telling you a little bit about the program itself, giving you an overview and mentioning some interesting things I've already learned about it. Then I'll talk about the parts where I think it works well and the parts where I think it could be improved. At the end of this review, I'll decide whether the program can replace a real teacher or if it's just an extra. I'll even tell you what I thought of the course. If you're looking for a new digital piano, check out the interactive guide below to see what we think are the best ones on the market: People who are thinking about taking the Piano for All course often ask us online if this program is right for them as an individual. If you're just starting out, the answer to this question is "yes." The route is great, funny, and works perfectly. If you are an experienced player, the answer might be no. It's also important to remember that this curriculum doesn't teach classical piano playing. Instead, it focuses on rock 'n' roll, blues, jazz, and other styles. To make the instructions interesting and fun. But what's funny depends on how you look at it, and if you want to learn the piano in a more traditional way,pianoforall download, pianoforte might not be the best choice.

THE CURRICULUM

Each book is about a different part of playing the piano, and they build on each other so that you can use the skills you learn. You have to read the books in order, except for Book Nine, which can be used at any time. BOOK 1: PARTY TIME - RHYTHM STYLE PIANO The first book is both an introduction to this system and to the keyboard. Book one of Pianoforall It starts off with the main idea of pianoforall, which is that you need to learn chords and rhythms first before you can improvise, write melodies, or read music by sight. It shows you the notes on the keyboard, then right away starts playing a few basic three-part chords to remind you that, just like when you're learning to play the guitar, at this early stage it's more important to play than to look for the idea. Book One also teaches the basics of music notation, such as rests and basic rhythm. Most traditional lessons spend a lot of time naming notes and practicing rhythm, but this section moves quickly. You may need to keep coming back to this to understand what the later exercises are about. As you go through the book, you may look up a well-known song's chord family and rhythm, which you can use with the chords to play a song.

How piano lessons are put together

In book one, you will learn a total of ten rhythms and eleven basic chords. The chords are taught with the idea that you'll look at the chord symbols in songbooks, just like guitarists do. So, when you see symbols for a seventh chord or a scale down chord, you'll be shown what to play. By the end of the book, you should be able to play the chords and rhythms of a number of well-known songs while you or a friend sings the song. Read the full article

[anthonysstupiddailyblog]

Anthony's Stupid Daily Blog (542): Sun 10th Sep 2023

Near the end of my shift I got approached by one of the managers telling me that I needed to do another refresher quiz to make sure I was aware of the dangers of hazardous materials. I normally have a way of getting out of these but unfortunately I’ve just spent a lot of money on a holiday and I’ll have to use a lot more on spending money so it looked like this time a bribe was out of the question and I was just going to have to do the exam. Personally I think this exam is bullshit because a Donald Trump was President for four years despite thinking that you can get rid of covid by drinking disinfectant thus proving you can get by without knowing the intricate details of hazardous materials. Lucky I passed this stupid test relatively easily and now don’t have to do it for another year. When I finished my shift I saw that it was pissing it down outside and I had r brought my motorcycle trousers so I got drenched in the way home but I really didn’t give a fuck because it meant I could treat myself to a warm bath and an early night. Before sleepy bye bye time I made sure to transfer all the jokes / observations I’d made during the day from my phone to the laptop and write them into my journal. When I get to the end of this year long challenge and I have a years worth of jokes to choose from I’ll just pick the best stuff I’ve written from the large document I’ve saved to my laptop. However I also want to physically write them out into a journal just as a visual indicator of how productive I’ve been. I watched a documentary about Joan Rivers once and there was an amazing moment where she showed the audience her filing cabinets where she kept her jokes and it was fucking enormous. According to her over the course of her career she had written 65000 jokes which is obviously why she was so amazingly good at what she did. She had spent so many years training her brain to constantly be on the lookout for material and to be able to find the funny in everything she saw. I like to think that these enormous filing cabinets weren’t just a place to store her jokes but also a reminder of how hard she had worked and that the larger the filing cabinets got the funnier she became. Now I’ll never get to the stage where I’ll have written 65000 jokes but hopefully my ever expanding collection of journals will motivate me to carry on expanding my comedy brain. Even though I’m still in the very early stages in my joke writing challenge I have to say it’s scary how many jokes I’ve come up with in just ten days. Normally when I make a pact to start trying to come up with comedic material I stick it out for a few days then just give up but I’m being surprisingly productive. Hopefully training my brain in this way will also get me better at being able to make off the cuff jokes to other people in everyday life. There was a story this week about Ken Dodd’s joke books being donated to the Liverpool museum which I think must be the ultimate dream for any comedian. I’d love to have one of my joke books end up in a museum but because a good chunk of the jokes I’ve written have been about hypothetical sex scenarios I think it’s more likely it’ll end up in Amsterdams Sex Museum than in the Museum of Comedy. As long as it’s not being used in court as evidence of my state of mind after I’ve been charged with some sort of hideous crime then I’ll be happy (although if my jokes are being used as evidence in court after I’ve done something horrible and they still get laughs then I’ll know I’m funny).

[mental-health-advice]

I think I might be addicted to my laptop. I know everyone is kind of addicted to technology these days but idk I feel like I use my laptop to regulate my emotions. Music, youtube, netflix, games, etc. Everything I am interested in is related to my laptop. Except reading. But I don't even do that as much anymore because I think over the years my attention span has gotten shorter. Which is probably due to technology. I'm not even that interested in other activities but I think it might be a problem that I don't have other interests. Sometimes I feel extremely bored and I think it's because I am not stimulating my brain enough with activities. I can distract myself for a while but being addicted to my laptop is not exactly fulfilling. I think it's partly a coping strategy for my loneliness. Otherwise it would probably be a lot worse.

Hey there,

Whilst it is quite true that everyone is addicted to some kind of technology these days, it is also true that everyone will have an addiction of some kind in their life, something that they depend on a lot more than other things. It just so happens that for you, right now, you seem to be addicted to your laptop, but this doesn’t mean that it has to be this way forever.

You mentioned that you use to like reading but have noticed that your attention span has gotten shorter. Putting your attention span aside though, what about reading did you like the most? Was it the escape you got from the real world and being able to really be drawn into what you are reading, like you are physically watching the story come to life in a sense. Or was it more to do with giving yourself something else to think about/ giving you a break from other life stressors. Now think about the kind of books you liked to read. What genres, do you have a favourite author? Maybe from thinking and asking yourself these questions will inspire your love that you once had to read. Try not to worry about your attention span, this will improve in time, just pick up a favourite book or one you haven’t read yet and give it a go. You may find that you have to reread a few sentences here and there and this is completely OK, but just give it a go and see how you go.

Other things that you may be able to do to overcome your addiction to your laptop may be to try putting it away and only allowing yourself to be on it at a certain time of the day and for only a set amount of time. I guess this may look like children only being allowed ‘x’ amount of screen time each day and maybe having to complete their homework first. Is this something you could give a go? Perhaps you could set yourself a challenge or goal to complete each day and after achieving these things then allow yourself the pleasure of being on your laptop. Just an idea!

In regards to feeling lonely, unfortunately this is only something you can fix. But maybe thinking back to your past and thinking about things that you use to like/ past interests, and see if you are able to revisit these interests and make friends or acquaintances through them if that makes sense? Maybe even getting out of the house and going for a walk may be enough to fill in that loneliness and just sitting down and people watch or surround yourself in the world around you. Again though, just some ideas to perhaps think about!

I really hope that this has helped a bit and please do let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going well!

Take care,

Lauren

[starseungs]

➳ universe. ksm

pairing: kim seungmin x gn!reader

Every day, he thanked the universe for placing you in his life. Out of the millions of heavenly bodies in the vast sky, you outshone every single one in his eyes. He was waist deep in a slowly sinking phenomenon he could only describe as love.

genre/s: roommates au, angst, fluff, writer!seungmin, unrequited love

warning/s: work & financial struggles, high real estate prices (yes im putting this here), the angst tag is before the fluff tag for a reason (is this a spoiler? probably)

wc: 2.5k

note: behold, another angst from me. don't question it- at this point its the only thing i can write properly;; also this fic is connected to my felix fic if you want to read that after! the two are written to serve as stand-alones too, so it won't affect the stories much if you don't. UPDATE: this has a part 2 now !

2022 ⓒ starseungs on tumblr. do not steal, repost, or edit.

Seungmin finally looks up from the blinding light of his laptop and stretches his limbs for the first time since the sun said its goodbyes. His room was dark—the only source of lighting being the laptop’s screen, which only reminds Seungmin that he should probably lower the brightness setting before working in an environment like this. He already had a sinking feeling that he’d be needing a trip to the eye doctor soon. 

And ending up with glasses would be such a hassle.

It’s not that Seungmin hated wearing them per se, but having to use the tool for reading things would hinder the efficiency of his job somehow. Of course, not to the point of a drastic difference, but he liked being able to work on his craft right away whenever and wherever.

You see, Seungmin is a writer. 

Well, calling it his job is sort of a reach. His "actual" job was as a journalist for a news-based company—still in the same field, just different specializations. Seungmin considers himself quite good at both, though.

He loved creating stories. It was his way of destressing from all the chaos that was his list of news topics to cover. Who said journalism was easy? It was enjoyable, yes, but it physically hurts him sometimes when he’s being told to cover devastating topics. Maybe he was just too soft for the line of work. After all, his colleagues seem to be doing just fine with similar coverage.

Seungmin originally wanted to be a book author anyway. It has been a long time dream of his to watch his story and characters come to life in the minds of those who read it. 

His passion for creative writing was something he discovered back when he was still a child. Books were always of interest to him; the concept of experiencing the characters’ lives through words and bringing life to the reader’s imagination was greatly thrilling. And that’s why one day, he simply found himself wanting to try it out.

Years after that event, Seungmin was now a fairly well-known writer on a platform where anyone could post their work. Along the way, he realized that being a professional author was so much harder than it seemed—but this chance was already enough for him. His stories were seen by more people than he had originally imagined, and that itself was a big achievement.

Like a normal person in society, though, he still had to find a job. Posting for free wasn’t going to support his daily life, which is why he ended up working as a journalist. The pay was decent enough to not make him live off of cup ramen like in his broke college days. Despite this, he initially struggled to keep a place to live.

Real estate prices were crazy high in Seungmin’s area. So much that it ate a good chunk of his paycheck just to keep the apartment he had. Sure, he had a stable job, but it wasn’t the highest-paying one out there—it was only about time that he would be struggling to keep up with rent.

And that was when he met you.

"Can I please just have another extension? I had to send money home this week, so I’m really lacking on the payment," Seungmin remembered pleading with the landlord. 

He was severely behind on two months of rent at that moment, and the owner of the complex he lived in was starting to have his patience run thin. 

It wasn’t something he could control! Seungmin’s sister had broken her leg and needed extra money to cover the hospital and recovery fees. He wasn’t about to leave his family hanging like that!

The landlord sighed and patted his back. "Sorry about this Seungmin, but if you can’t pay the two months by tomorrow, we have to ask you to move out. There’s another person who is interested in an apartment here, but we were already full," he said, dropping his arm off Seungmin's back. "We’re running a business here. I hope you understand."

Seungmin was left dumbfounded as the landlord started walking away. What was he going to do now? It’s not as if he could just magically conjure up enough money to fully pay two months of rent. Asking his family was out of the question—they already had their hands full with his sister. So what’s next? His friends? How comedic.

He didn’t have any.

The closest would probably be his co-workers, but it was a very professional relationship and stopped at general concerns. He doubts they would be willing to lend him more than simple pocket money.

"Hello? Excuse me, sir?" He hears a person calling out to him. He turned around and spotted you—who was peeking out your apartment’s front door. Oh, right. You were his neighbor.

"Yes?" 

Seungmin watches as your eyes light up at his response. Why do you look so happy to talk to him? "I’m sorry for the sudden conversation, but it's just that I overheard your talk with the landlord. You’re going to be kicked out tomorrow, right?"

That was certainly one way to say it, he grimaces. Surely, you didn’t mean it in an insulting way, but the cheerful tone in your voice reminding him of the current situation was kind of putting salt over his wound. 

Sighing, Seungmin decides to reply and get it over with, "Apparently. What about it?"

The universe must have been on his side at that moment, because your words certainly caught him off guard. This was not what he was expecting—

"Do you want to share an apartment? I have an extra room."

Granted, any random person who offers to live together would've been sketchy in Seungmin's eyes. But maybe it was your positive vibe that pulled him in, telling him that this was a good idea.

You were literally giving him a place to live, at half the original price. Having a roommate wouldn't be such a big problem, right? Plus, you seemed like a decent person to live with.

However, all his other considerations were thrown out the window at the speed of light once he realized once again how severe his issue was: he was on the brink of becoming homeless. 

"Sure."

And that was where it all started.

Living with you was quite possibly the best decision Seungmin had made in a while. Not only did he continue to live in the same apartment complex (which was the closest to the train station in his area), but he also ended up with more money for spending because the monthly amount he had to pay for rent was cut in half.

You were such an angel too. Always making sure the kitchen was stocked, so that the two of you were living like proper functioning adults. It would take some more time before Seungmin was willing to go back to his college dorm lifestyle days. He's already been avoiding the instant noodle aisle in convenience stores for the past year. 

In exchange for your generosity, he started doing most of the chores in the apartment—something you heavily thanked him for, because washing the dishes really wasn't your favorite pastime.

Due to this dynamic you both developed, a lot of your neighbors mistook you two as a couple. And no matter how many times you tried to correct the assumption, it just comes back stronger in the form of: "Oh, young love. You don't have to be shy about it! Both of you are adults now. Living together isn't that bad."

Except it is that bad. 

The main reason you decided to have Seungmin as a roommate was that you, too, were running late on rent for that month. Unlike him, who was on it for the second time in a row, though, you had lacked just one month at that point, so the landlord let you get away with it. 

Your job had to cut employees due to a financial crisis, and the pay was lowered by about one-fourth of the original. Luckily for you, your workplace considered you one of the best workers and decided to keep you among the remaining employees. Because of that, you didn't lose your job—only a pay cut.

Basically, that leaves you and Seungmin in the "struggling young adults" classification. Sharing an apartment was the best move you two could make in an effort to save your living standards.

On the other hand, if you asked Seungmin about the misunderstanding, he'd honestly say that it doesn't bother him as much as it did you.

Half a year into your roommate agenda, he found himself falling for you. The crush started not long after you first found out about his hobby of writing.

"So, you post stories online? That's so cool!" Was your genuine praise, looking at Seungmin's laptop screen with interest.

He, on the other hand, was developing cold sweat—a result of having you so close to him. You were currently hovering over his back, trying to get a peek at his draft document. 

"Yeah—I, uh, post stuff sometimes," Seungmin replied with a small voice, not used to people praising his hobby in person. "It's nothing too special. But I like the reactions of the readers."

You hum. "How do you plan stuff? I'm not really a writer kind of person, but I do enjoy reading. I want to take a glimpse at your writing process."

Seungmin tried his best to not swoon like a fool.

Someone interested in his work? As well as the process? What a way to make him fall for you.

"I normally just have these bursts of ideas. It can be lines, plots, concepts, character traits, all that stuff. When I do get them, I open my phone's recording app and just say my ideas for future use," Seungmin explains. "I know others write them down as notes, but personally, I prefer verbally describing them, even if it's messily done."

The way your eyes sparkled as he pointed out more stuff in his writing process had him whipped in an instant. It was from then on that Seungmin's adoration for you grew even more romantically.

Every day, he thanked the universe for placing you in his life. Out of the millions of heavenly bodies in the vast sky, you outshone every single one in his eyes. He was waist deep in a slowly sinking phenomenon he could only describe as love.

It's been about two more years since he deciphered his feelings for you. He'd never know how you'd managed to still be living with him—what he did know, though, was that it was a mutual decision. 

You both never talked about it up front, but it was obvious that the two of you were now in a better place financially. It would be reasonable to want to live separately again, but the bond you formed throughout the two and a half years of living together was something that could not be broken easily.

"... Min?" He hears your voice calling out. You must be home already.

After stretching once again, he headed towards his door to greet you. Your eyes quickly caught his, the sight making you smile. This reaction was what kept Seungmin going every day.

"Were you asleep? Did I wake you up?" You asked, setting down the plastic bag you were carrying on top of the kitchen table. He shakes his head as a no. "Oh, that’s good. Your light was turned off, so I just assumed."

Seungmin laughs at you while he approaches the plastic bag. Once he got a closer look, he realized it contained takeout food. He looked at you in question. You merely motioned towards it. "Did you eat already? I brought you take-out just in case. Just place it in the fridge if you’re not hungry yet."

The action has him grinning unconsciously. It was one of your love languages to do acts of service, and knowing that, he felt extremely loved.

Taking out the food, he started unwrapping it while watching you take off your shoes on the sofa. It was endearing to see you relax and become more comfortable once inside your shared apartment. He felt special knowing that he was one of the only people to see you in your natural form.

Sadly, his joy-filled illusion was destroyed right away when he noticed the outfit you were currently still wearing—a devastating reminder of what had just gone on with your night.

"How was the date?"

You beamed at his question. At least you’re happy, he thought bitterly. 

"It was great, Min! He was such a gentleman the whole time, I was practically swooning. His name is Felix, by the way. Just in case I end up introducing you two. You have an Australian co-worker, right? Chris, was it? He’s Australian too—do you think they know each other?" You chatted enthusiastically.

How fun. He could already tell that this Felix guy was a topic that would stay for a while.

The conversation hurt him, but Seungmin decides to entertain you nonetheless. "Maybe. I can ask tomorrow or something." You give him a thumbs up.

"Cool! I'll go and change out of this now. Good night, Min!" He waves back at you, watching your form disappear behind your room's door. When he finally heard a click, his arm dropped immediately.

It wasn't the first time you've gone on a date with someone else before. But it was the first time you went home approving of one—a very big deal, because this means whoever this Felix is, he's definitely getting a second date from you.

Seungmin was envious of the guy. He doubts he'll ever be on the receiving end of your dates. Something he knows and has tried before, albeit more indirectly. The result was soul-crushing, though.

Bzzt, bzzt.

His phone vibrated for a while, indicating an important notification. Considering he had all other notifications off except for messages, it must have been a text. He lazily picks it up, glancing at the message.

Y/N 🤍: i hope you liked the food i got you btw

Y/N 🤍: love you bro 🤪👊

He simply smiles at his phone, even through the tears that have piled up in his eyes. As much as Seungmin hated being seen as a brother to you, he'd rather have that than nothing. 

Yes, you saw him in a more familial light. It completely broke him for a while when he first confirmed it, but there was nothing he could do. Seungmin wasn't about to force you to like him romantically. 

No, he would rather leave the shared apartment than ever hurt you on purpose. Both were thoughts he despised to the bone. 

Exhaling shakily, he opens up the voice recording app and presses start.

"I know there’s a universe out there where we'll end up together. It’s just not this one."

[ PART 2 ]

mastertag 🏷️ : @h0neydewmoon