#of 'having a normal one' which i havent done since this time last year and even then i was like. hiding in the bathroom still

[inner-community]

also i cant even practice driving because our car is dead and our neighbor NEVER LEAVES THE HOUSE so we cant put my dads car next to it to jump it. i want to scream. i guess it helps complaining though so i can stop thinking about it so much and getting so stressed. i just feel like i need to be doing 10000000000 things.

really i just need to do 2 things rn - call the test people & send an email to the dmv guys. then when those are done i can study. and if i have to make a psych appt it would be fine because i should ask for my as needed klonopin back because i think i am still good for the most part it's just my anxiety randomly goes thru the roof and i need help w it. (weed has been making it worse. why would my best friend weed do this to me...)

i also should really remember every day to take my mushroom supplement because i cant overstate how much of a diff it makes taking it regularly.

also i need my wife to stop asking about tax stuff for A Minute because i know what we are doing i just need time to execute it all and i have to do all of the above bullshit first!!!!!!

[readymades2002]

sorry for being quiet on here i’ve been having no exaggeration the worst mental health moment of my life on top of being quite busy+unable to work because of aforementioned health moment and i may be about to make it much worse for myself. anyway i went for a walk yesterday to a boutique nearby to roleplay someone who has money+looks nice in things and not only was everything i tried on too expensive for my blood but the only thing that fit me was this very comfortable dress that i would have no reason to wear literally ever because i don’t wear dresses around people. because i know it will change the way they perceive my gender even though it doesnt for me. so i cant. well anyway o<<

[asophiamills]

Omg I have a blog where I can post real lore dumps okay uh here...

MHMMMM SOPH X SAM LORE ACTUALLY.

Sam x Soph Spotify Playlist

Check my Instagram for my SophxSam IG highlights, it has more info hehe

Ok, so, when Soph moved in, she and Sam met one another, and recognized each other being childhood bestfriends when she lived at the farm with her grandparents. So they're super close immediately, with Sam being a friendly extrovert and Soph being a shy but excitable ambivert, they've developed a cool friendship that lasted say 6 months. BUT- Sam has been crushing on Soph the moment she walked in the valley, because as a kid Soph made flower crowns for everyone in town, and since Sam was allergic, he couldn't wear flower crowns. Soph made him a paper flower crown instead, crudely cut pieces of paper. Since then, he's had a crush on her, but were eventually seperated when she moved back to Zuzu City. Seeing her again has ignited that flame, especially now that shes older and has found a stronger sense of identity, which he finds totally authentic and keeping it real, very punk hehe.

Anyway, Sam's a terrible flirt, he tries shooting his shot, but he fails everytime, this being his first relationship and having little to no experience. And Soph's demisexual, so she needs a long term emotional connection before seeing someone like that, but she is aesthetically attracted to Sam. In the hopes of something more, she's been flirting with him back, slightly getting a little more touchier than she is with her normal friends. She's always either hanging around his house or vice versa, the pair often playing games and her getting a private show of him on his guitar. So, after his 8 heart event, 6 months after meeting, Sam eventually confesses to Soph. Soph, having been traumatized by past relationships and barely believing in love anymore, is immediately pressured by her issues and is scared, running off, unable to take it. Sam runs after her, and calls her out on her flirting and their lingering gazes and shit, and he breaks down crying in front of her. Soph realizes she fucked up. And so she decides to give him a chance if he'd accept it.

That's the hard part DONE. SO. Sam proceeds to court Soph, knowing she needs extra time with her being demisexual and lacking trust in romance. He often brings her home, invites her to dinner. Soph, feeling a little guilty, and slowly falling for him, despite her not knowing, tries her best to respond to his advances too and gives him handmade gifts, and often buys food from the saloon or cooks them herself for him. One whole year later, with Sam finding out she's Filipino (EYYYY), researches a few tagalog words for her, and learns about harana, where you visit a woman at her house and sing by her window until she comes out to either accept or deny him. He tries this, not expecting much and throws pebbles into her window. Annoyed, she goes out, and accidentally gets hit in the forehead by a rock. After an awkward series of apologies, Sam proceeds to sing filipino love songs to her in the middle of the night with nothing but his guitar and a candle. That night, Soph finally said yes, and they're officially dating every since. :DDDD

I HAVENT BEEN ABLE TO DRAW THEM IN THIS STORY EXCEPT FOR THE CONFRONTATION AND THE 8 HEART EVENT...

8 heart event and confession here

Confrontation Video here

[supermaks]

I wanna hear all of ur thoughts on 3344!!! Please tell us everything!!!! my only addition is that that copse crash changed the trajectory of their lives immediately like they could be fighting for p15 and would be all up in each others business. there is a special kind of distrust and contempt and anger for the other that no one else recives bc they reserve it all for each other and this is why they’re best f1 rivalry of all time 😋 sorry alain

omfg yes lets go a lil crazy🌷🌷🌷🌷

My 4433/441 thoughts are always all over the place like I truly havent been able to pin them down since l started watching f1 because these 2 are both like super weird in very different ways and they have zero bridges u can cross between them except for this unreal fucking level of on sight hating that makes a rivalry soooo good u feel it in ur tummy

When I tell u in Austria the moment I heard Lewis impeded Max I knew the baddie was gonna unleash the wrath of an old testament god upon this incredibly inconsequential fl0p vehicle number 44 like. Sorry to the haters and losers but its very funny to ME 😭😭 Inspector Hamilton didnt even make much noise about this which is even funnier because either he knows he'll catch a stray for impeding first or he just cannot handle Max and his Raytheon hamilton sensors anymore like he's tired and his own tp is telling him to shut up like leave him alone. ((I doubt its the last we'll hear of it tho))

And yes 2021 like u said prolly changed the trajectory of their lives forever not just copse but like monza, brazil, Jeddah. Whats so fascinating about Max and Lewis is that for such enormously talented drivers they simply cannot let each other race normal. They leave each other more space and will still fumble because they want to pass so bad. As u put it, its distrust, but its also just racing. Its the purest form of racing there is lmfao these are both karting prodigies and they still revert back to that when they race each other. I said this once they're like 2 maddies from euphoria in 1 show. But this whole dynamic of uneasiness between them started way before 2021 tbh.

Even when Max was a teenager wid a cap and a dream and the rawest dawg inside that literally bit people and Lewis was settling back into the record books wid a glass of wine and an established, tamed dawg, he still made a point not to rate Max ever. Max was taboo. Didnt even call him by name sometimes like to his face literally called him 'guy' which is such an Hamilton ass old school way of acknowledging an Opp like look at this

F1 drivers are so insane. Anyway I think Max still feels some type of way about all that. A job will have u 19 years old getting bullied by a 33 year old that refuses to say ur name. Max pissed everybody off those days. He just wanted to do the lil debrief and the old heads truly did not give a fuck they were so mean to him. Lewis went thru a divorce too so this was all wrong person wrong place wrong time wrong car wrong team wrong wrong wrong. All wrong.

They were doomed from the start like they were set on a collision course since Max was born that was as inevitable as he is. And the noise around them has always been too loud. But they do try which I find very charming and kind of sad. Like one thing about Max and Lewis they're gonna have a lil giggle together about something dumb and that hasn’t changed

((I am convinced whatvr lewis showed him on his phone here was like deeply illegal))

((this presser is soooo like at some point Lewis leans over and whispers that theres a lot of girls there for the weekend and Max is like umm and Lewis is like oh u have a girlfriend right ew 🙄))

🫠🌷this was so cute pls

They share sm history together in the one thing that matters the most to both of them which is racing. Like the way Abu Dhabi happened bro, all that led to it, the amount of new eyeballs on the sport just thru sheer force of narrative and hubris. They built that together. Nobody else cud have done it. Like they share thirty five 1-2s in F1. 35 times one of them was first and the other was second. I think 3 more times on the podium and they break a record for most podiums shared oat. Thats not unimportant it’s not meaningless especially not to these 2 in particular. They’re special. They’re both so special and mercurial and they save the worst parts of themselves. the best part of themselves. to each other . Everybody else takes scraps. The spray aligns

Yeah. Like yk. the spray aligns

[figula]

anyway i just need to get through saturday (the wedding party w/ ben's fam) without a public meltdown + then things will calm down a bit. this is actually not true bc its my birthday on the 26th and then my sister comes to stay for a few days on the 27th but at least that's quieter than a 40-50 people get together. im so sad about it, i feel feral and crazed by the idea of being looked at again, i feel much worse about it than i did about the actual wedding, i think bc last year i was fresh on the starving high + this year i have not been starving myself at all and feel generally shittier

also obviously bc i was already dreading it my period started tonight so. that's great as well!! love to wear a fucking white dress in those circumstances x i told ben i would wear the dress for like half an hr then im putting on my normal clothes and that's that. and he wasnt bothered by this, i think he is having similar thoughts anyway about the whole thing except i think he is looking forward to it more bc a) he doesnt ahve an eating disorder and b) he likes his family

on the plus side my hip has been muuuch more reliable lately, the last few times ive done the walk to and from town it's been achy by the end of it but not at all going into the spasms of agony it did basically every time i tried to walk anywhere longer than half an hr (and sometimes less if it was a bad day)

also not sure i even mentioned this here but a bunch of intl friends are coming 2 worcester late sept to hang out, first time since the wedding for the americans (and the german) and it is gonna be really nice to see them :) obviously im anxious about it bc of my irritating nature but how amazing that we have a group of people who are literally flying across the world to hang out with us for a week. that is really lovely and worth celebrating. trying to be ok about the fact i havent lost any more weight since the wedding and just being like. normal about seeing my friends who dont care how much i weigh

oh also. one more thing, my mum said to me "do you know who met for the first time at [location of wedding party]?" and i immediately felt that i DID know and was like - not daddy's parents?? and she was like i knew you inherited my Psychic Abilities :) but it was them - which is a bit funny. i hope their rancid vibes have cleared out by now bc they were bad people lol

[spikeinthepunch]

my healing from surgery is pretty good right now, im in hardly any pain and im generally doing normal stuff around the house (minus strenuous activity etc that i am ordered to not do). these past weeks have been so busy and have left me wanting to create or Something. and im not in a physical condition to draw right now, sadly (irritation from bending over is not good)

but i am sitting down to write, i havent written anything since late october. i keep thinking about What i have been writing these past months. i phased out of mcyt for a bit when i got into lisa, and wrote quite a number of things for lisa-- which i enjoyed because i was much weirder/experimental with those one shots. they were also done with the intent of writing dark and triggering subjects, because i just never let myself just... let go and do that.

i was throwing so much of it out there though that i hope no one actually thinks i was constantly in a horrible mental state that entire time lol. they were triggering, sure, but it was a major exploration in writing and dropping my own personal boundaries. my most recent fic lightly explored trauma recovery too, and im again writing something that is very sensitive.

it feels good in a different way bc like i said im not... in a bad mental place. if this was 15 year old me itd be a different story. but also, that different story would be 15 year old me being far too afraid to even write anything like this at all. which is fine for past me-- i am glad i didnt get into detail trauma dumping as a teen in this way lol. the fact of the matter is that i had scared myself forever into never writing anything like this in a way that wasn't surface level because of the anxiety i could be judged for 1) doing it 'wrong' 2) seen as 'bad' bc i explored something bad 3) being expected to defend myself in the form of disclosing trauma/mental illness/etc

i think i have broken through that barrier now in the last months and its simply cathartic to be able to dive into what i had previously held myself back on ever exploring.

[rt-lots]

Joining in on the Ian and Rammy ask train… 🌂✏️ (and 🍎 specifically for Ian!)

TW for a fair bit of suicide talk!!!

umbrella - i assume this doesnt need an answer for both of them, bcuz they belong 2 the same story. i imagine ian and rammys story being a vidya game, and i guess itd b a psychological horror? which feels like, pretentious to say but the main scaries of the story are how much ians life sucks and he wants 2 die. so... i think itd count. thats all overarching stuff tho... most of ian n rammys time spent together is lightheared, i think. theyre two dudes hanging out and one of them is slowly coming to terms with the fact his suicidal thoughts won. whatever genre that is

pencil - WAHHH it depends a lot of the time... ian and rammy have definitely made a big resurgence in my brain recently (past month) bc im 18 and can post bout em, but also just cuz i love them sooo much and want to chew on them constantly. id say i write abt/draw them pretty frequently tho!! i doodle them on my school work and in notebooks a lot and they have some of the bigger galleries on my toyhouse lawl. i dont write much directly for their universe, but ive typed... many paragraphs to my friends just braindumping the shit i think about them. so, yeah, less often than id like, but theyre up there in my priorities of ocs :3

apple (for ian) - GRAHHHHHHHHHHH u dont know what demons uve unleashed w this. i already twed this post for suicide but im gonna move this part under the cut bc mentioning ians dad specifically ties a lot into the suicide aspect of the story

OKAY SO. ians family consists of his mom, sister, and him. his dad was in the picture when he was a little kid, like early elementary age, but ditched after some time. his relationship with both parents was relatively normal, they definitely couldve done a better job raising him, but they were never intentionally hurtful nor did they scar him at all. (well, correction, his MOM didnt scar him at all)

after ians dad left, though, his side of the family still kept in touch... they gave very flimsy reasonings for his fathers absence, why he couldnt make it to holidays, why he wasnt saying all these things directly, etc. it kept things strained and tense as the family knew things were being kept from them but never got to know why. the last interaction ian ever had w his dads side of the family was on his 18th birthday, where his uncle gifted him a silver handgun with his name carved into the handle. it was a hollow attempt to connect with ian, a display of violent masculinity that ian would later use to try and take his own life.

i dont have it fully figured out what this *means* for ians character, but its something i go insane about. ians only memories of his dad are him doing stereotypical masculine dad things w him, like fishing. maybe he didnt interact w ian ass if he was his child, but if he was his son, and that improper socialization is part of the reason he hates himself- why the gun is what kills him. but... i dunno really. ians social anxiety, addiction, and general collapsing in on himself are cuz of a life time of mental illness that went unchecked until he successfully isolated himself to the point no one *could* care, not just cuz daddy give him gun.

okay! that is NOT what u asked at all but now u know it. hehehe. of course ian and rammys story is a big wip forever so excuse me for any side tangents and/or general plot points w loose ends

but! as for his actual relationships w family (ill include sister since his relationship w mom isnt rlly fleshed out yet):

he and his mom havent spoken in 6 years, nor have he and his sister. he slowly faded out of their lives when he moved away, partly out of a subconscious desire to isolate and partly due to just not having the social confidence or energy to maintain regular communication w his family. his mom is the first person he talks to when he escapes his Puter, and she's his rock in his remaining months of recovery. shes very underdeveloped as a character atm, but what is certain is she tries her hardest to understand her sons struggles and support him, offering to pay for therapy for him. ian loves his mommy lalala

ian and his sister are... dddifferent. ian also had an average relationship w his sister, but shes a lot more upfront with him when it comes to talking about how his 6 year absence effected her than their mom. their mom, while wanting her children to seek help for their respective struggles, doesnt really want to actively talk about those things with them. shes terrified of saying the wrong thing, and it doesnt help that she doesnt even have a clue what *to* say. ians sister, though, isnt afraid to tell him "hey man we fucking missed you. your absence hurt a lot because i didnt have any friends either, and i wish we couldve had eachother. jackass" post main-story they are friendly and hang out. during his time w rammy, ian does talk about his thoughts on his sister before he left, that being that shes a "crazy bitch"... family <3

[quaranmine]

playing doctor on myself this morning with google and losing my mind just a bit

i keep. over the course of the last two years at least. randomly getting these blotchy red rashes on my torso. they don't itch or hurt, they aren't raised, and they seem completely random. i cannot figure it out or any link between it appearing. It will typically last several hours. they do not go on my face, neck, or limbs, just the torso. i don't think theyre like dangerous??? because i assume that if they were i would have some adverse reaction like pain, fever, swelling, etc. so that is why i have not been overly concerned with it. but it is baffling me. now sometimes in the past i have gotten extremely itchy for no reason on my torso, so maybe that's a factor, but the itchiness does not always coincide with the rash. for example, today there is none.

the thing i'm interested in today though, is if it's some sort of drug allergy rash. because it always looks exactly like the rash i got last year when i took paxlovid for my covid infection. the doctor told me that's a common (harmless) reaction. i've looked it up and it looks most like a morbilliform drug reaction which are very common. so, if morbilliform drug reactions look and behave like that, i had that reaction to taking a drug, and a doctor told me it was a reaction to the drug then....

...it stands to reason that my experiencing this off and on for 2-3 years might ALSO be a similiar reaction? i just can't figure out the common thread.

one of my meds is implicated as a cause for this type of rash, and has studies/journal articles on it causing this. EXCEPT. um, it happens when you are first introduced to taking it??? and like dude i've been taking this particular medication since 2016 probably. i'm sure anything is possible (like developing new sensitivies) but nothing i have read is about reactions popping up YEARS after the fact, just within 1-3 weeks of starting it. i saw a study done on someone who developed the rash after taking the medicine, but 5 days after first taking it. i saw another study/journal article that was written as a diagnostic aid that literally excluded any drugs you'd been on for a few months as not the cause. so??? idk. my other medicine does not seem to be implicated in this, as when i looked it up i didn't really get anything.

i'm no biochemist or whatever but i can't seem to find any similarities between my med and paxlovid? like ok, we've established that either the nirmatrelvir or ritonavir that is in paxlovid likely caused it. that's what the doctor said. he said my reaction was a common one to one of the drugs in that mixture, which lines up with everything i have read. but afaik these drugs arent like....similiar to the one i have been taking...it isnt like "oh these are the same drug class so maybe your issue is with them"....

the other (relevant) drug implicated in these types of reactions are NSAIDS. now this could be something. i did take ibuprofen yesterday, and woke up with the reaction. is that it? i'm going to start logging it every time it happens to see if it ever coincides with me recently taking ibuprofen. BUT LIKE. i take ibuprofen pretty frequently, mostly for headaches. this reaction might only happen once every two or three months. i feel like if i were getting a reaction from ibuprofen it would happen every time, not just once in a blue moon?

so why am i experiencing it today???? i'm not wearing any clothing made from atypical materials. i havent used any new shower products. i havent tried any new medicines for a while. i havent eaten anything i don't normally have. none, except for the paxlovid rash, coincide with me being sick so i doubt it's viral.

if it IS a mobilliform drug reaction, it still seems atypical because a) i havent started anything new b) it goes away within a few hours, not days/weeks c) it isn't always itchy

WHERE IS THE COMMON LINK AND HOW DO I FREE MYSELF OF THIS?

[thetruthlsoutthere]

I'm back? ish - A

If any of you are still here:

i have not gone anywhere and i am not going anywhere unless i am deliberately silenced. Life has just had me swept up in all its glories and chaos outside of this blog that i use to document all weird things save for also doing so on paper. This is MY life and i know what i have seen, heard, experienced, what cannot be logically explained. I accept whole heartedly respectful debate/debunking but nothing is going to make me belief any less of all this stuff, most especially: that ALL of them have been, are, and will always be worth fighting for.

Basically: my severe depression has been getting REALLY bad lately and has led my mind to dark places again. {STILL HAVENT DONE ANYTHING IN ACTION and don't want or intend to}, been focusing on loved ones and needed things i have done and need to do for myself, trying to keep up and continue with self care so i can genuinely be a healthier person mentally and emotionally. Lastly, i just have been debated back and forth about how to go about updating.

Things have gone stagnant and not as active to an extent for a bit of time but i digress? Considering the fact that things have been weird before i was born, up to my birth and after to even today {I am 26 years old} , None of the weird / strange / unknown / unexplainable ever stops with me and it has proven it never will.

Had an extensive/deep conversation with a friend on here about this.

Importantly listed is this link: { https://www.tumblr.com/thetruthlsoutthere/649933649907695616/things-that-could-be-considered-normal-for-me?source=share&_branch_match_id=945849901175330215&_branch_referrer=H4sIAAAAAAAAAw2JyxGAIAwFK4roeNCxGxQ0jIFoeBzsXm77YeCpm3MeA1rexYZDswNHWANL1YYuFntK5aoE9qBDmwTaY4dSU%2Bg7UFHLXuhUoxydjIvH%2FK3vxPcP7HRBnGMAAAA%3D }

in that link listed above: anything from that, that hasn't been too active or at all lately is #'s possibly 10, 17, and 18.

keep in mind that for anyone who believes, follow this link of your own free will: { https://www.tumblr.com/thetruthlsoutthere/654900815559098368/suggested-ideas-that-work-that-i-think-can-work }

^^ While i am always keeping an eye, ear, etc out to watch out for anything, i have only been doing #5.

IMPORTANT NOTE: i want to get back into the rest of the numbers listed in the second link, which include updating you all on this blog, since i last really did. To not push myself by putting alot/most or all of it in one massive post, im just going to update on what i have to update on in series of posts.

If you have come to the end of this post: Thank you from the bottom of my heart for still sticking around, i appreciate it more than you could ever know. It means a lot to know i am not alone in all this belief, but including the things we deal with in our lives outside of it.

if ANYONE has anything they wish to share, please do not ever hesitate to send me a message, anonymous or non anon asks here on Tumblr from this blog of mine AS WELL AS my tellonym as listed in my pinned post, and lastly: my email truthbehindthemysteries@gmail.com .

Always with love and care

-A

[aamethyst000]

i didn't realize exacctly how slow my progress will be (july 9,24 - 10:56pm)

holy fuck i did not realize how slow my progress in life will be! it feels so weird to be 26. like, not only the progress of my name and gender change, im talking about my progress in life! the changes im gonna have, the hardships ill probably cry to. i thought teenage life was hard, no siree. the adult life is difficult. once the adults before you leave you alone to be independent and strong and whatnot, they all end up telling you how wrong you are and how you're living life wrong. one side is trying to control how you live, the other wants you to be dependant and independent and some how balance that out on your own. anyway, getting off track here. today i woke up feeling lazy but also feeling pretty good about myself! i actually wanted to clean the house and do the dishes without complaint! which is a rare thing for me since teenage hood. it can get pretty bad on most days. my little brother and i did the dishes today and a little bit of sweeping. i am planning on doing the rest of the house chores tomorrow and start on the towels that were supposed to be done last week. which kind of sucks that it is only me doing the laundry, but what the hell can i do when we got my mothers' brother staying and only doing his own laundry, a 17 who is overly cranky, yknow, normal teenager bs, hes gotta do his own laundry whether he likes it or not. and a mother whose arthiritis hurts her enire body and really bad insomnia. 10 year old me would be very surprised of where i am at right now and 14 year old me would be very confused.

july 11,24 - 11:16pm - just got through washing the dishes and cleaned up a bit in the living room. finally and now i have time to clean up my room and start washing the towels, we desparately need clean towels considering how hot the weather will be this week. you know the funny thing about this? i have stopped taking my anti depressants for nearly a month now! i think i only need to take them during the winter. they seem to work better by then, which is weird to me. anyway, now that i have more trans tapes, im going to wash the towels tomorrow and have a bath by the next day. my poor room has been a mess for too long now and it has been bugging me for a couple of days. doing this will help me feel better about buying myself a new 3ds and cases for it, being more prepared about taking care of it than i did the first time around. i ended up buying another black 3ds, kinda thought i wanted a white one but i ended up changing my mind part way through the search of the new 3ds. i found one for somewhat cheap that came up to 195 plus 10 shipping which was fckn awesome! i so cant wait till they arrive now. though they wont be here till the first week of next month. i know ill be impatient about it but that is not new at all lmao im impatient with every perchase i make, i just gotta keep myself distracted till the items get here.

july 18,24 3:43am - i am planning on rearranging my room to open up the air vent in my room. since i bought the 3ds, i feel like i need to ''earn''' when it finally arrives here, but i am hoping to god that it works for me or id cry. well, not really, i'd be sad about it but wouldnt do nothing about it until i have enough money to save again to buy another 3ds. hopefully it wont come to that at any point for me. anyway, as im typing this out, i am wathcing chuggaconnroy's lets play of kirby 3ds. i heard about his recent..situation, not happy to hear it and not sure how to feel, not entirely anyway. not gonna lie, it kind of sucks and nearly ruined my day. im better now, i heard about this a week ago, so im fine. i think. i havent been able to go to sleep at a reasonable time lately and it sucks. some nights i dont go to sleep until it is literally gets really bright outside (5am or 7am), i did not think id be slowly devolping insomnia at the age of 26. though, i shouldnt be too surprised considering the fact that my whole ass family has it and possibly autism or adhd. not gonna lie, my whole family is a mess. but they are my mess, i guess. you ever feel that way? they are not the best, toxic in their own way (the older ones, not my cousins), when it some down to it, they are there for you (until they sabotage that closeness during any death) they seem to have continued the generational trauma. i hope my cousins are doing alright, some if them have a kid or two, others are single or childless, but they all have a decent job that helps them keep their apartment. so, i hope they are doing well.

by this point, i have one more journal entry to edit and double check on, and a set of papers to look for in my room. i was supposed to mail it back to the place i was getting my legal (now dead)name to my current one, it is coming up to a year so that it is my own fault on that one, considering that all i needed to do was give them the signed papers that i have right now. well, i can do that now and be a bloody adult about it instead of putting it off for tomorrow, every single day. is it weird to still feel like a teenager (16-7) at the age of 26? should i go to therapy for this? is this normal or should i be worried? does every other adult feel like this? and not just me and my friends possibly being delusional or just dramatic about it. either way, i am not entirely sure if ill find the answer or if itll be given to me. i am going to have a puff and then head to bed, it is already very late so im gonna have a puff and enjoy whatever sleep i can get. good night/day, readers!

[teddybeartoji]

AAAAAAA SO EXCITED FOR YOU TO WATCH PAPRIKA AAAAAAAAA ITS SOOO GOOODDD!!!! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE LET ME KNOW WHEN YOU DO

isle of dogs omg.. waterfalls from my eyes that movie made me cry especially the ‘idk why i bite’ scene ohh good heavens what did u think of it?

OMGGG I ALSO LOVE REWATCHING STUFF INSTEAD OF WATCHING NEW ONES two film bros but on the other ends of the spectrum… (we’re both little nerds)

david flincher ahh he’s so good omg i never watched fight club because i was sooo full of my self and swore i wasn’t “like other film fans” (ummm i was lying i love all the classics) but i secretly wanted to watch it right? but since i never watched it on time the plot twist of the movie was spoiled to me by a video from a comedy youtuber LOLLL i was so annoyed at myself

SOCIAL NETWORKK YESS i loved that movie idk i like jesse eisenberg he’s a silly awkward lil guy he did a good job!!

OH GUY RITCHIE!! dont kill me but i havent seen many of his films aaaa will make sure to check out his stuff aaaaa

TARANTINO LOL no i get it he’s good he has great films i have a pulp fiction poster in my rolm (never beating the film bro allegations) his films are very well done

INDIANA JONES YIPPEEE my first introduction to the franchise was through a lego game my mom got me for christmas… changed the trajectory of my life im afraid…. which indiana jones film is your favorite? mine has to be the last crusade its such a fun movie to me!!!!

i saw u also like video games :333 im a huge video game nerd ehehehe do you have any favorites?

HI HELLO MY FELLOW FILM BRO HIII:333333333333 I HOPE YOU'VE BEEN DOING WELL!!!!!! OKE BUT THE "I DON'T KNOW WHY I BITE" SCENE WAS SOOOO WAHHHH THAT HIS TO HARD:(((((((((((((((((((((((((( i loved that film so fucking much

NOOOO NOT THE SPOILED FIGHT CLUB PLOTT THAT'S SO UNFORTUNATE!!!!!!!!!!!! i actually only saw it like two years back and i truly don't even know how i managed to avoid the spoilers.. or maybe i just like blurred them out in my head bc the plot twist was soo so delicious when i did finally watch it i liked it a lot!!!!!!!!!! but yeah it's one of my feel good films lmao i think it's so so funny and i love the soundtrack too!!! OH AND JESSE EISENBERGG!!!!! HE'S FUCKING AMAZING IN THE SOCIAL NETWORK he scratches my brain so good

AAA DON'T YOU EVEN WORRY ABT GUY RITCHIE!!!!!!!!!!! i really don't judge others for what they have seen and for what they haven't bc like.. ppl have lives and stuff to do and also i feel like people's experiences with films can be so different purely based on their childhoods and their parents. liiike i've always been a big movie Watcher bc of my dad!!!! he took me to the cinema a lot a lot when i was younger so obviously it's like second nature to me in a way. sorry i'm like rambling abt it now but i just remember how at my last workplace i tended to talk abt films a lot too and then my coworkers were constantly apologizing for not having seen most of them and i was just always trying to reassure them that i really don't judge them for it. i was just trying to recommend them stuff in a sense of . i hope you'll remember that i once said it was good and not in like a Oh i hope you go home and watch it right away and report back to me . LIKE NOOO😭😭😭 everybody should watch what they want and when they want. there are like a million billion different films out there it's not really a competition of who gets to watch all of them first lmao

oh this also reminded me of smth that irked me off so bad,, i was talking to this other coworker and i was telling her that i'm gonna go and see babylon. they said that the name doesn't ring a bell and i was just like ohh!! it's by damien chazelle but that didn't ring any bells either WHICH I THINK IS VERY OKAY ppl aren't good with names and i get that, so i brought up whiplash bc yk that's his most known film right and then she was like OHHHH and told me that she's heard abt it but she hasn't seen it. which is again. very normal😭😭😭 i definitely know some ppl who would make a bit of a scene like OH WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU HAVEN'T SEEN WHIPLASH IT'S SUCH A BIG FILM WDYM WDYM but i genuinely do not care i just said that ok and that i recommend it to her bc it is good.

and then i remembered that oH la la land also exists lmao and then she just beamed at me like OOOMG I LOVE LA LA LAND IT'S SO GOOD I LOVE IT SO MUCH aaaand then it was my turn to be like. oh i actually haven't seen that one yet lmao

and.

THEN SHE MADE A SCENE ABT IT. ALL HUFFING AND PUFFING WITH HER JAW ON THE FLOOR LIKE😱😱😱😱😱MICKEY THE MOVIE WATCHER HASN'T SEEN LA LA LAND WHAT IS THIS MADNESS HOW CAN THIS BE like can you be fucking serious lmao this made me so mad i would argue that whiplash is bigger than la la land but i didn't say anything abt you not having seen it but now here you are jumping in my face abt la la land............ HHHHHHHHHhh anyway yeah. i think everybody should be a little more calm abt what some ppl have seen and what they haven't thank you for coming to my ted talk hgasghdaghdghashdha

HAHAHHAAH PLSS I WANT THAT PULP FICTION POSTER TOOO that's so cool i would be the proudest film bro ever lmao

ALSO. HELLO. I ALSO PLAYED THE LEGO INDIANA JONES GAME😭😭😭 IT WAS MY FIRST FIRST GAME EVER!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVED IT SO MUCH i think i still have it somewhere too lmao but yeah indiana jones is my childhood i love the films so much,, mmmmmm if i had to pick my favourite one though........................... HARDEST QUESTION EVER BTWWWWWW god the third one is so fucking good i love the dynamic between indy and his dad sm i adore them buuuut hmmm i think it's either that or the first one for me!!!!! i really can't pick one i'm sorry lmao the second one is amazing too but I LOVEEE MARION SOOOSO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHE MEANS SM TO MEEE SHE'S SOO FUCKING COOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

now now noww... video games.... ohhhhh broooother lmao i could talk abt my faves for hours on end i think but since this reply has gotten so long already i'm just gonna say what they are in an attempt to keep it normal😭😭😭 MY ALLLL TIME FAVOURITE GAME IS THE LAST OF US PART TWOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! genuinely could make like a 12h presentation abt it without any prep lmao i am very obsessed with it. but i also love rdr2, the last two god of war games, tlou1 ofc!!!! UNTIL DAWN!!!!!!!! uncharted!!!!!!! ghost of tsushima!!!!!!!!!!! resident evil but esp the second one and mmmm i recently played the newest dead space remake and i really fucking liked that too that shit was scary as hell wtf...........

I'M SURE THERE ARE MORE GAMES ACTUALLY BUT ENOUGH IS ENOUGH OK NOW IT'S YOUR TIME TO SPEAK😭😭😭😭😭😭 so please please pretty please tell me abt the video games you like!!!!!!! aand any other movies that come into your head okay i wanna hear all abt them!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lostacelonnie]

True but thats like. Part of the charm almost. All the issues. Yeah thankfully the days are lengthening again & the terrible holiday season has finally passed, which made me. So tired. Hence my response delay. Yeah they should chill but im glad that the last bit was. Easy for you? I was around my family for like. A day. & it was exhausting i can only imagine what a week takes out of you. I wish more americans were like that some guy tried to talk to me a bit at the theater yesterday when i went to see godzilla minus one & it was exhausting. Also funny story everyone at my work was so exhausted last week i said something in spanish to my co worker from el salvador & he completely did not understand because of exhaustion. Oh that pretty cool. I had to learn so that i wasn't like. Having sandwiches & ramen all the time & now im trying to find time to make my own bread so like. Slippery slope. But yeah knowing a few recipes is always a good idea. Thats always the best, having friends who are chill with quiet. Does anyone have a good school? I will believe in the process because star rail is also giving me that pain with argenti's story quest & ruan mei's swarm thing. Ah okay so antimatter legion but less controlled in a way. Oh so thats what herscherr means. How come some have like multiple herscherr forms if ive seen right? Entymology is very interesting i love it. I sure need to remember traces & such more i keep forgetting. & it shows in my multi target dps characters. Worlds worst wingwoman indeed i love her. Cant wait to get further into it & see more claire. Roguelikes are a lot of fun i enjoy them greatly. I thought they would annoy me but hades proved me wrong. Noita sounds fun ill check it out at some point. Himeko mvp of all time she better survive penacony. Whoa that's a lot of seele lore. I love her damn. Explains her a bit in star rail too. What with sea of quanta, themes of death, scythe as a weapon. Also cocolia connection. And bronya really went hard for seele damn i love her too. Are her legs being broken why she like. Uses something to hover in the game? Have any other bronya facts? Or mei? Im glad your polish post radar works so well.

it really is ADHFGLSKFKG. and god yeah FINALLY. also happy new year!!!!!! very late but still!!!!!! this was my first week back in school after the holidays [well. actually it was Two Days] but im already tired. aooougugh. but oh well! GOD. my family In General is like. Fine. i really dont mind them. but i have to stay with my grandma who is just impossible to coexist with...... luckily my mom allowed me to mostly just hang out in our room and not interact with her that much since she shares my opinion. and augh that sounds. Irritating. i enjoy being left the fuck alone. AHDKKS it really is like that........ on wednesdays we have 8 am classes with the one teacher we have that speaks Exclusively spanish so we often do a irl co op mission with the entire group if we wanna convey like literally any message to her. and oh understandable!!! im probably gonna end up the same way sjfkgj. my mom never really taught me to cook since she doesnt like to do it [which, i get it] but i personally really enjoy the process so well see how that goes. AND FOR REAL i genuinely do not believe theres such thing as a good school. or even a Normal school. also fairrrrrr i actually returned to star rail for ruan mei [<- not immune to Pretty Autistic Women] and also had trouble with the swarm boss...... actually made me update my clara build. can you believe this. but tbh i havent done argentis quest yet and im fully spoiler free so im gonna see how that goes JDJGKKSJG. and yeah!! and with multiple herrscher forms its like. usually people obtain multiple herrscher forms either in like. change in belief? approach? which lets them harness other parts of their power [or add new ones], like in the case of HoFlamescion or HoTruth; merge [HoRimestar]; or find a new external source of their power [CE HoOrigin, HoFinality]. but i dont believe its ever explained in Detail so yeah. but generally, the power of a herrscher is stored in their herrscher core, so obtaining multiple cores can give people multiple authorities [like in the case of sirin]. but as i said, typical Honkai Confusion. ETYMOLOGY IS SUPER FUN YEAH...... and for real. if manaria has 1000 fans i am one of them if manaria has 1 fan its me against the world if manaria has no fans i am dead. noita IS fun but i should warn you youre not gonna get anywhere without external guidance. i mean. Maybe you will but its gonna be frustrating as hell and near impossible. its that kind of game. but the fanbase knows that and is actually very helpful!!! solving this games secrets is a team effort. as of right now i have 63h in and 2 wins [got one today, actually! congrats, me.] but i rec it heavily. its fun. AND YES GOD YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HI3 FANS SCARED ARE FOR HSR HIMEKO. they cant take her from us again............ AND YES SEELE. I LOVE SEELE. its actually canon she has a kind of "you are not immune to seele" aura that makes people unable to say no to her bc of just how much of a lovely person she is. and yes that is the reason bronya floats around ingame!!! AND WELL. due to the fact that bronya and mei are both a part of the Main Trio, telling you. literally Any amount of lore about them would take me way too fucking long. and im so sorry but im just mentally unable to do that. and thank you o7 polska gurom ���‼‼‼💯💯💥🔥💥‼💯🔥💥

[clockworkslick]

oh. its 10/16. so short summary before i talk about nothing for a bit too long: a year ago i came up with the idea to actually go through with taking one of my silly ideas and turning it into something that other people could read, so i started drafting the concept of providence, a webcomic i make and thats updating everyday. more talking under the whatever.

so ive always made little stories that i would run through in my head for like two or three months when i had mental downtime, and then move on to some other goofy idea. this is either a totally normal thing or im a freak, honestly i have no frame of reference for how other people act. anyways i was home from college last year and i had this idea for an rpg fantasy story, initially an idea for playing modded minecraft with some friends (god i wish that was a joke), but i started writing shit down in a google doc. i wrote out a handful generic slots for various fantasy classes: witch, dryad, ranger, knight, vampire(not a class but i dont give a fuck), blacksmith, etc. and then i named some of them. i finished naming and writing out plot nonsense in november and changed the name of the comic from "Drive-By" to "Liberty" to "Providence."

honestly i think that was the easy part because its totally non-commital. unfortunately after that i had to actually start making the pages. the original plan was to finish act one before may, which was an optimistic goal to say the least, but also maybe if i didnt have to do anything else it would have been totally possible. or if i was just faster in general. anyways i started drawing everything at the end of december and then didnt stop for 6 months. actually thats a lie, i started drawing pages and havent stopped since then, but what i meant is that i started uploading the comic in may. i had a backlog of about 75 pages and the art change just in that time was nuts. comparing act 2 art to act 1 is more nuts but im not about to redraw the 170 pages of a1 just so that its APPEALING and PALLETEABLE. i learned way more about web design from doing this comic than from my actual web design class. like insanely more. you have no idea how little that class helped me with anything aside from making friends through mutual hatred of being poorly taught.

sixo de mayo (may 6th) came and i started doing this thing for real, and its been so surreal having people actually talk to me about these guys that have been in my head for months. my sister recently asked if deacon was my self-insert, which is sort of true but only in the sense that we both have social issues and like to be dumb on sort-of-purpose, and then she told me that her favorite character was reagan. theres not really any deep meaning behind her telling me or that reagan is my favorite too, but its just so surreal to me that people can have a favorite, or any opinion, on these characters i obsess over.

alright i think im done for now, i just wanted to talk about the comic on its sort of birthday, and also the day that the gang got pulled into the story. i mentioned that vaguely in the story once already, but im cool with being more direct about it. ill probably go on another rant again about this sometime, maybe on sixo de mayo, but probably sooner because im obsessive and like to type. happy birthday comic, heres to a million more. or however many years it takes to make a 5 act story at a rate of like 200 pages in 10 months. hopefully that number will go up.

[igreu-simmons]

im so f**king tired of everything

the self help shit on social media is bullshit if you cant even utilize that stuff in your day to day life. Im so done with staying at home and doing absolutely nothing. I'm use to making new friends every year but the friends that I made last year were truly bad for me so I cut them off but now I am alone. I havent spoken to anyone in so long and I am literally losing it. Even writing a post like this feels like shouting in silence but atleast I get to publicly yell about it (stepping outside of my door and trying to yell will just get people to make weird looks at me).

My friend said one of the worst things you can do is introducing your friend group to a different friend group. I don't know how legitimately the friend who told me this was since I only met him online. I dont know if I am currently living in a day and age where making online friends should be normal but to me it is not. Anyways i heard him out cause he seemed like he was speaking with experience and expertise regarding this topic and he said that.... well honestly I dont remember what he said. I dont think he elaborated anymore on that but my imagination and overthinking skills kicked in to try to figure out why mixing friend groups would be so shit.

So, I looked at my specific circumstances. One friend group was this group of friends I met online during the covid online schooling year. Some of the guys I met from one of my classes introduced me to their old neighborhood friends a few months after and I started talking more and more to them. With the online

Explaining all of that was important because that is why I am alone today. Does a part of this state of being "alone" come with loneliness, yes, but I would like to thing that this is something that I am familiar with and something I just havent seen in a while. What the problem is is that I am feeling the most experimental and rebellious right now and I can't do anything about it. Yes I have been known to be kinda extroverted and loud, possibly even confident online when talking to random people, but whether that was a product of the lack of consequences of my actions and possibly tying the words I was saying to me as a person, its very possible and possibly true. I want to run and I want to fall. I want to do the things that I feel like I have been training my whole life to do and have mentally trained myself for to "slay". I dont even care if I have a childhood or teenagehood, me running will always be my teenagehood.

But again, I feel trapped. At this point its a waiting game where I just have to sit and suffer. Then, you might be asking, what is the point of sitting down and writing your complaints if they are going to go away soon? Its the fact that I have to sit and suffer through the wait in the first place. I have waited for many things in my life. Results to exams which I had studied for, results to exams which I hadn't studied for, the consequences to my mistakes whether it could've been fixed by eraser or by having better friends that I didnt feel peer pressured by. I have waited for so many things that were to be revealed in the next following hours or things that were in the distance future. But right now is the first time that I had felt like I was wasting my own time. My own time anxiety was compounded with the fact that my suffering was not just me learning to experience a different emotion for the sake of getting out of my comfort zone. My suffering was the bad choice that was presented to me when the good choice was also there right along. It was this summer when I started to feel like my life was truly in the my own hands and I could make something of it myself, and yet I was still stuck at home.

This could be a blessing. As much as I love being organized, maybe I was not to be trusted. Instead allowing myself to learn like how I wanted to, learning about life would cause there to be irreversable problems to my perfect suburban life. Really I had many things that the other kids had but I just wanted to do something on my own.

I would like to say that all of this is just in my head but in the same way that I feel the need to be shouting this in an online post and making a mark in physical space, this has been taking a physical toll on my body. I havent been able to eat properly and some days sleep properly in the past few days and plates of dinner I had tried to convince myself I would finish are laying in the room next to mine because they have officially started to smell. When your brain can't find a way to directly fight the thing it hates, it compensates by ruining something else that was doing fine in your life. I wish I could say that I am going to try to eat better by whats the point of fixing something if nothing is gonna change anyways?

**

this post is incomplete and shares the surface level of the thoughts that linger through my mind during this year's summer months. I will be doing my best to finish the thoughts that I have started in the near future

<igreu3

[thegroundisnotsosoft]

RANT

I was confidently lesbian for three years. I finally had accepted myself. Life was looking up. Then i met my bestie. Then i met this stupid dude whose stupid phermones had an effect on me. Ive never been struck by anyones existence before. I thought i was a demisexual lesbian. Now i have to deal with being attracted to a man. My bestie was sooooo supportive of me having to figure it out. She wouldnt let me bully myself about it. I was 23 at the time. Im 26 now. Still figuring out if I like men. Women? Unapologeticly attracted. Confidently. Undeniably. Men? Idk. Im open to it ever since pheromone man stole my sexuality. I had a girlfriend for a couple months recently and things did not work out. Just two very different perspectives on life.

This very gorgeous for a dude internet friend asked me out to dinner after he heard i was single again. Dude shot his shot and went for it. I had dinner with him. He walked in behind me at the restaurant where we met up and low and behold. The pheromone thing happened again. It was a good date. He was super sweet and the chat over dinner was just like how wed been talking over the phone. He was nervous which was a first for me because guys usually get straight to it but this dude was actually into me. Like not just physically. Like the whole me as a person. Usually i only get that with women ive dated. Were gonna go on another date soon. Weve been texting even more since date#1.

But, i cant talk to my bestie about him. If i mention him, she gets dismissive, leaves the room like i didnt start talking with her, or just gives me silent treatment for the rest of the day through the next morning. Ive been able to talk to her about dates or my relationships before. For some reason, this particular person, is upsetting for her to talk about. She doesnt know him as far as i know. He doesnt know her. So its not like ive went on a date with her ex er something. Im just sad because i want to be excited about this person because things are going well. I dont have other friends that im close enough with that i can be like "look what he said" or "im so excited to see him " or "what should i wear for this date" or any of the normal things you normally get to include your best friend on when you start seeing someone.

I don't know what happened to make her feel like ive slapped who she is if i say or do anything that involves this guy. So here i am on tumblr bc she doesnt have one. Idk where else to talk about this. I want to be excited. I want to be hyped up before i go out. Dating a man is something i havent done in years. 6 years in fact. I was 20 last time i spoke romantically to a guy and wasnt just shooting them down when they kept trying to get to just sleep with them bc im gay or sleep with them and their girlfriend or worse, theyre after my bestie and think the two of us wanna sleep with them at the same time.

This dude wants to get to know me. I want to feel comfortable and confident letting him get to know me. I dont want to feel like im commiting treason for going on a date.

[reineyday]

✨️✨️✨️

this is for the made-up fic titles as prompts thing! thanks @kageillusionz for sending one in 💖 i'll do harringroveson but like, with wibbly wobbly timey wimey stuff thrown in cuz your other prompt Has Me Thinking haha 😂 it gets REALLY long lol sorry (not sorry 💞)

one not so very special day (harringroveson):

this is one of those prompts where i have an ending in mind that plays off the beginning in a circular way, and it'll be a canon fix-it fic where everyone lives, amd steve fixes it with time travel lol

i like the idea that, at the end, steve is having a totally normal not so special day in march at school in 1985, but he's coming at it with the knowledge of what could have been in 1986, SO.

it starts with a flashback. steve's graduating high school soon (this is the semester after christmas s2 1984 but before the summer that is s3 1985) and steve is sitting with nancy and jonathan at the cafeteria and absentmindedly observing school politics in a way he isn't invested in anymore after, yknow, the upside down.

steve is the Fallen King of hawkins high, or whatever hargrove used to call him before the whole thing at the byers went down and he stopped bothering with steve altogether (which doesnt bother steve. honestly. itd be weird to be bothered abt being ignored by a guy who beat his face in right? even tho that guy was practically obsessed with him before that night?)

eddie munson, everyone's favourite weed dealer, is making a fuss at his nerd table (dustin mentioned a dnd club and steve thinks that table is probably it--look at him, he pays attention!) about being club leader again next year cuz apparently he's not graduating again

that obnoxious blond junior from the basketball team steve always found a little insufferable (jason?) is looking at munson with disgust on his face, and hargrove is sitting in the same row of tables with tommy and carol, cuz all the popular kids group up.

jason gets up to yell at munson but hargrove aggressively throws a wadded up napkin at jason's face and says smthg that makes all the other popular kids laugh. jason flushes and sits back down, embarrassed, and steve sees munson pause and look at hargrove who looks back. steve briefly wonders whether or not hargrove buys weed from munson like everyone else when hargrove's eyes turn sharply to look right at steve.

the flashback turns into a nightmare, and billy's eyes looked the same when he was staring steve down from across the byers driveway, from inside the camaro and possessed by the mind flayer, probably thats what his face looked like when he stepped right in front of el to die--

steve wakes up. it's march, 1986. hawkins is split into four by what might as well be the cracks of hell and billy hargrove died last summer. eddie munson died three days ago. steve is still here.

theyre going to go exploring the upside down again today for clues or something reasonable sounding for the plot lol, and steve signed up to go because he's done it already a few times.

they go down there and steve ends up exploring his house in the upside down. takes in his decrepit room, and marvels at how many things in his house havent changed since 1983, which is when the upside down is stuck for some reason they still dont know. he doesnt even have that many photos of him and nance up yet, bc he didnt actually care that much about their relationship till they trauma-bonded. it was too bad their coping mechanisms didnt match, but steve is well and truly over it after his embarrassing spur-of-the-moment confession in the woods.

something outside catches his eye. it's in the empty pool. steve looks out with dread and sees the spot where he assumes barb died--he's never known where exactly in the pool she got taken, and knowing actually only makes him feel worse about it so thats. great.

he walks closer to examine it, yknow, like an idiot (he thinks this to himself), and then falls in and gets spat out.

and then time shenanigans! im stuck between steve landing somewhere once before everything happening and just changing everything from there (like, he gets thrown into his body from That Night at the byers and decides "fuck government nda's" and shows billy the demodog in the freezer), and steve doing a batman and getting sent all the way to like, when brenner was starting the lab w henry and infrequently flashing forward, only able to stay a few days at a time

i think the latter will probably be able to more earnestly pull in eddie, since the former would have a larger focus on harringeove till billy decides to buy weed with steve or something lol

so yeah, let's say he does a batman and subtly guides the whole timeline to Be Better and maybe henry creel doesnt shape the upside down with what he knows but the force of the mind flayer still exists to be manipulated and steve does something about it almost by accident

and he becomes this weird older brother figure to el who he's trying to get to help him stop jumping forward (it's not something he can control and he's worried he'll jump too far into the future and never stop), and helps hopper find the lab and adopt her a lot sooner, and catches a tiny eddie munson (and tiny chrissy cunningham) at their tiny little talent show and steve encourages eddie to continue with his guitar and gives him hope for the future (and mb jump-starts a lil sexuality crisis on eddie's behalf lmao)

when billy shows up, steve tells him to stop being an asshat to max and then accidentally catches neil laying into billy, stops it, and for the first time confronts his alternate self and tells him about it bc steve cant stay but this is something that needs more stability, and the next time he jumps forward, he's found that billy and eddie and other steve have bonded over this time-jumping steve and steve realizes they can finally pull in the party cuz theyre old enough to Have Ideas now

btw i imagine the harringroveson romance starts there? like other steve would get a pov starting from when original steve makes contact w him and billy, who has thus far been aggressively annoying about steve's position as "king" at school, suddenly corners him all angry with his hackles up cuz of what original steve saw and did and other steve is like "oh my god dude what is happening" and then other steve suddenly remembers being a freshman and coming face to face with eddie munson for the first time and munson saying all this confusing shit about how he looks the same and how is he a student here, isnt he older? and when steve gave him a confused face, munson apologized and literally never talked to him again?? so other steve grabs billy and finds munson at his weed-dealing picnic table and they Talk and then keep talking and kind of? become friends?? safe spaces for each other, cuz all three of them are kind of isolated in their own ways yknow?

anyways something something they involve the party and manage to catch original steve's time-jumping consciousness by shepherding other steve and his consciousness in the upside down in the place where it all started for him and he catapults into his consciousness from the changed timeline and they seal the upside down for sure (maybe by trapping the mind flayer into a vessel that can never be manipulated by someone like henry again) and it's over, it's over and steve's graduating high school for the second time but he remembers this alternate timeline now and this is his life now and woah, barb is alive? is bob alive?? billy is alive and eddie is alive and steve is not only relieved but somehow halfway in love with both of them??

btw kage if u read till the end, i want u to know that both my ideas for the kkir ship for either of ur prompts started with iruka's seals master stuff going fubar ;P always a fun way to start kkir shenanigan stories!!!

and so it ends with steve coming into the cafeteria and sitting down and his (secret) boyfriends coming to sit by him, and he waves at nancy and barb, and steve decides he'll try to befriend jonathan too cuz he knows he's a decent person, and everyone is alive and here is steve harrington, eating lunch before heading to study period (where billy will attemlt to tutor both eddie and steve so that they will actually graduate in '85, all together), having one not so special day

after writing all this, it has occured to me that "one not so very special day" is also an extremely easy prompt for a domestic fluff fic lmao so u can also imagine older harringroveson somewhere in california like 10 years post-s4 where everyone lives, and it's just their domestic life. billy's a surf instructor. steve's a gym teacher. eddie works at a community centre and plays in a band at bars on weekends.

if there's a twist, it's that it's one of their birthdays--maybe steve's, and eddie and billy make fun of him cuz he usually wants to do smthg big to celebrate and shouldnt he wanna do smth for the big 30? but steve just wants to have a normal day cuz he's so content with them, every day. billy and eddie still call him things like pretty boy and big boy but also things like sweetheart and darling and steve blushes about all of it, about how used to it he is to hearing and how natural it feels to call them back the same way. they are very happy together.