#of course i'm aware this could be an extreme coincidence

[nidstiniens]

petty ffxiv things

i have what i thought was an extremely one-sided rivalry with this player who idles one square over by the sharlayan aetheryte who's just naked and dancing all the time (the joke is "ma'am, this is a place of study"). i try saying hi to them or emoting at them whenever we get thrown into a duty together but they always ignore me, and one time i caught them trying to idle in my spot before moving once they saw me log in, which kinda just fueled this unspoken rivalry.

WELL TODAY THEY JUST FANTASTIA'D INTO AN ACTUAL CLONE OF NARA, SAME HAIR, SAME FACE, ETC LIKE I KNOW FFXIV DOESN'T HAVE THE MOST EXPANSIVE CC BUT LIKE ??????

[jmdbjk]

The angel chariot

Eagle-eye Army spotted the fact that Jungkook's company car that whisked him away from Incheon airport upon his arrival from Los Angeles was the same one that Jimin used this past December for his comings and goings to the airport. Same license plate. [First 4 numerals/characters obscured to protect the innocent and cover my ass. Also not providing the link to eagle-eye army in the interest of keeping the imbeciles away from them.]

I tried to spy the license plate of the cars during their other past airport comings and goings but they were moving too fast/obscured by objects or people.

Maybe not Jimin or Jungkook but it was used to carry SOMEONE to Hobi's enlistment:

Of course BigHit has a fleet of these identical black KIA Carnival limousines and who knows if actual vehicles/drivers are assigned to specific members, but it was interesting to see and think about.

However, here is a curious bit of trivia: the number 5469 is supposedly the "angel" number. Various sources describe 5469 as:

well mannered

conscientious

artistic

humanitarian

balanced

harmonious

protective

giving

fair

caring

kind

romantic

nurturing

supportive

And this:

"Looking from a numerology standpoint, the energy emanating from the four-digit number 5469 is a decidedly well mannered energy. It resonates with distinct patterns of compassion and perceptible vibrations of romance. The number also points to an awareness which manifests at a subconscious, empathic level — pointing to an almost empathic synchronization with the emotions and thoughts of society."

I don't make that stuff up, other people do.

Anyway, is there a real significance in coming and going in the same car for their separate activities? Of course not. Like I said, we can't know if it's pure coincidence or if members are assigned specific cars/drivers etc. It was just something someone noticed and I'm passing on this extreme level of delulu to you because I aim to please.

The Jikook hug: the live action "I miss you"/"me too" played out right in front of us.

You can't convince me otherwise that when these two are together on their own time, they are up in each other's space in a way that would make you and me blush uncomfortably. It's the way they look at each other and the way they talk to each other. Yes, Jimin gives the best hugs and right before he dove into Jungkook, he gave Hobi the warmest, tightest "I love you hyung" hug as well ... JK's eyes following Jimin all the way until Hobi receives his hug. Honestly, Jungkook seemed like he was patiently anticipating a hug from Jimin too ... it is the attentiveness or awareness of each other and creates a Jimin and Jungkook aura and adds an extra level to their closeness.

Kookie keeps his eyes on his Jiminie all the time and he seems to enjoy his touching. The way JK pulled Jimin in and held on to him...no matter the level of delulu you subscribe to, their bodies in that full frontal, smushed together, I-MISSED-YOU-COME-HERE-BABY-I-LOVE-YOU hug just makes me really happy for them.

So playful and easy with each other.

Yep, I know what I see. If you can't see it, I'm sorry. I don't know how to transfer that ability to detect it to you. If I could, I would so everyone can feel their love for each other.

Did they miss each other? Absolutely. How long had they been apart? 3 weeks? 3 hours? 3 minutes? What difference does it make?

Who knows, maybe they rode back home to Seoul in the angel chariot XXXX-5469 and spent some quality time together before they separated again for their respective solo activities and whatever those might be, we will find out eventually!

[pinkyjulien]

Okay now I'm gonna jump on the bandwagon of the prev ask about Valentin's and Mitch's first meeting 👀 how does his story continue with Takemura (if at all?) Does he track Valentin down, and how, or is what follows immediately after being saved and stable again also diverging from canon? (I just love the image of Goro showing up all dusty and exasperated at the nomad's camp like "There you are!! Fucking finally!" XD)

AAAAAHHH FHF Eating you UwU

They DO meet up properly eventually! 👀 (more old screenshots being used to illustrate here hfhf)

After getting his bullet extracted, Val stayed a couple of days at camp; he couldnt really do much in his state, plus the caldos wouldnt just simply let him go like that

Mitch and Scorp were keepin an eye on him, they were responsible of him after all; if Val turned out to be a danger to the clan, they would've finished the job, succeeding where Dex failed

Val eventually woke up, and he was asked a couple of basic, straight forward question by Mitch; his name, where he's from, and what happened. Val didnt lie, but he also didnt mention the whole -arasaka- thing. He might be a gonk, but he's not dumb; saying that his failed gig was an heist on Arasaka, when every radios and tv stations been blasting about Saburo's death for the path days wouldnt be a smart move fhksjgj

It was all over the news- and Dex probably left Night City too (< at that time he wasnt aware Takemura killed him yet. Dex took Goro to the dump, only to find it completly empty. He got popped before he could swear he left him here hfjd)

Infos and Rumors goes around extremely fast in NC, especially between fixers, so Dexter departure/disappearance and Saburos death wasnt a coincidence at all; so was Jackie's and Valentin's potential death. (Jackie being confirmed dead cause he sent his body to his fam, but people had no idea where Val was)

He had to get back to NC, to Viktor, Misty- his friends, the only people he had left over there

That night at camp, Valentin experienced the Johnny Night TM; of course, he freaked out, screaming and talking "to himself" - Ripper wasnt far, knew the screams where coming from the nursery and quickly gave injected him some tranquilizer

In the morning, not sure whatever happened was a dream or not, he asked Mitch and Scorp (not friends yet, but the only guys he knew around) if someone could drive him back to NC- Dakota was still around and since she had to go back to her Garage soon, he could tag along and she'd get one of her guy to drive him to Vik's

During the drive, he explained to Dakota what happened, from the heist, the relic, Jackie- ans the weird dreams he's been getting (she's like a mother figure to him, a trusted friend)

She didnt liked any of that and pressed him to get checked properly asap, hoping this might be a virus that can get easily wiped out

Once at Vik, everyone was happy and relieved to see him alive "and well", but it quickly changed when Viktor took a closer look, obviously

He also mentioned that a guy, kinda sus looking, came in looking for him the day before. Said he could help him if he ever show up. (Takemura is a resourceful guy, I'm pretty sure he could pin down V's main ripperdoc to ask questions- and Viktor, knowing that Jackie did die, would trust Takemura's story and information since it correlate with what Vik knows)

So they make contact and eventually meet up at Tom's Diner like the canon timeline 👁👄👁

Despite all the years its still a ROUGH MAP AND TIMELINE FHJSJF that I really need to properly put down 💀💀 BUT YEAH FHDJ

Thank you friendo for the ask!! 🤗🧡🧡

[theroundbartable]

Scam warning

Hello guys (/n), I'm going to tell you a little story about how I almost got scammed today. THANKFULLY, I'm extremely skeptical about people and don't make rash decisions, but more to that in a second.

So, the story begins with an instagram request for a commission by a private account (with a name where a few letters had been replaced with numbers). Or rather, whether or not I do take requests. Now, it wasn't the first time I've received one, but it was the first time I thought: You know what? Why not try it out for once? In hindsight, these may already have been scam accounts who simply gave up once I shut them down at first contact. (Instagram has loads of scammers.) At that point, I was, of course, already aware that scams are a thing, so I was wary from the very beginning but naive and curious enough to try. I don't HAVE a business account on paypal or anything, I made it clear to the user that it's the first time I've ever tried this, so I ask for patience to bear with me trying to figure out how it works. For that reason alone I stated fairly low prices and what not. But I also made clear that I would charge for my work and payment via paypal.

The first thing that seemed... OFF to me, was that I was sent a reference picture and a 'can you draw this'. I expected ... more. Like, a prompt, a certain style or something specific like a tattoo design (to which I would have declined). Nothing came, they just agreed on the highest price range I offered. So, I figured they wanted a full on colored picture. I assumed that this person may have paid for commissions before and was therefore kind of used to these exchanges and didn't wish to bother me, the artist, too much. As I mentioned above, I do not have a business account on paypal. I never upgraded and paypal TELLS me, I need to give in a firm address. And since I live in Germany, I KNOW there are tons of restrictions for these. I'd have to have official paperwork and everything to do this, but I didn't want to risk publishing my parents' address and so on. NEITHER did I feel comfortable even sharing my private E-Mail. And here is where I was smart for once, because this E-mail was set up running about max. an hour before I responded to the Instagram request. Now, after all the necessary precautions were done, they told me they already sent me the money on paypal. Which... odd? I expected some reluctance and mistrust on their part. But again, I assumed it had to do with their experience. So I looked and found that I had received nothing. I checked again, nothing. What I did receive, was an Email from what appeared to be Paypal.

It looked official at first glance... And here is where my mind went cray cray. Because, okay, here me out, I'm easy to fool and don't like bothering people with my shit. I actually believed that this instagram user would have to pay 300$ to have me have a business account. And I thought, hold on, this doesn't make sense. If there is a fee to pay, why do THEY have to pay it, and why do they get it refunded? What's the purpose of these 300$ that appear and disappear out of and into nowhere? But I was fooled enough to believe it. Or at least assume it was a coincidence and that if this email was scam I did not suspect the instagram user.

Although, I did think, if this was a scam, it would make sense. Because they'd be playing me to believe they were the ones being fooled and I'd offer to pay them their money back out of my own pocket. Which I had early decided would be the last, LAST resort. Or in this case, none at all. Because I would have simply finished the drawing, sent it to them and then lived without the profit. They would have paid, I would have done the work, the payment would simply have been lost at sea and I'd feel like crap about how it all went, but without making a minus. But of course, as a morally just person, I could not let them pay that money to paypal for no reason, so I told them to wait, I would try to open a business account manually, because that should have fixed the problem, right? And I would find these requirements somewhere on the app, and likely in the process of opening a business account, right? There should be no such thing as automatically upgrading to business paypal without extra steps. That's why this seemed weird in the first place. But of course, there have been Loads of AGB changes without my notice, so what do I know? So, I tried. It didn't work and it didn't add up with the mail. The user told me, they would pay the fee, I told them to wait until I figured out more. I couldn't find anything about this, so of course, I grew more skeptical. Because I do not like when I don't understand how something works and how it's all connected, so I refused to give up just yet. (kinda weird how I assumed they would be just as mistrusting of such a money demanding email as I was. They didn't seem to be, but I didn't trust it.) I then told them that paypal usually allows you a refund if you didn't get what you asked for, but they said they tried and it didn't work, and that I would have to send THEM the initial fee back. I hesitated. Because at this point, it was beginning to feel ... weird. And surreal. Because I assumed they would focus more on receiving the art, but the focus wasn't on that at all. They didn't even ask me how long I'd need to do it. They didn't seem worried or stressed, they were calmer than me, and I was holding myself together remarkably well for my own temper. And I told them as much.

I asked them to wait again, as I would ask a friend of mine who DOES have a paypal business account and who knows these things. They asked me why we can't do it alone. So, I told them as follows:

It's obvious, isn't it? I KNOW my friend personally, I know what they know, what they can do, etc. I do not know you, the stranger over instagram and you don't know me, so I don't expect there to be THAT level of trust between us. They may as well expect that I'm the scammer, right?

And I guess that's when my suspicion slowly hardened, because wouldn't people NORMALLY be glad if I knew someone who could help? Why keep this between us, who have no clue what's going on? Of course, I thought, it could simply be pride. But then why let ME handle it all, instead of insisting they know what to do?

My next course of action was then to text that friend, while I already readied myself to respond to the paypal mail. Because how DARE they expect random people to pay 300$ for someone else's account? (Told you, I'm a naive fool.) But then... in the middle of typing, I paused. Because as I mentioned, Germany has a ton of restrictions. And ONE of these restrictions is that in Emails, they have to link an Impressum. Contact data and stuff. The email seemed... too short, so I went and looked up the email address. At first, I couldn't find anything. Which was even weirder, because if this was officially paypal, it SHOULD be linked somewhere, right? So, I tried looking again. And this time, there was one meager result. And THIS was it:

The email was fishy, because it had an onmail. ending. I cross examined it by googling the official paypal mail and.... BABAM. That one has a dozen results on google. At this point, I was honestly, more impressed than upset. And maybe a little proud that even my moral justice and naivety hadn't completely betrayed me. And you know? I would have felt bad to assume that the instagram user was at fault for this, and this wasn't just a coincidence... If it weren't for the fact that my intended business email had existed for less than an hour, therefore nearly impossible to have been open for data leaks or what not, and THEY were the first person I sent it to. It was the third mail in total I got, next to the "welcome to gmail" and "Your account has been linked to paypal" mail. So, finally, I could be sure. I reported and blocked the instagram user and I do hope that they get taken down. Check the email-addresses that want to send you stuff. Never trust people you've never met, ask for a second opinion if you're unsure and cross examine everything. I hope that by reading this little story, you guys will find the red flags that the idiot I am refused to see at first glance. I've highlighted them in bolt letters to make sure you see how MANY there are. Everything that's bolt are where my mind went: hold on a second. You can tell... it's quite a LOT I ignored before I reported them, isn't it? Don't be like me. Make sure you block them before this happens.

[moxxis-bar]

Just found your blog! I was hoping you could write a one-shot for Fl4k. In which the reader gets along extremely well with his pets and tends to spoil them! Maybe he acts/says that it’ll effect his pets performance in battle, but really he finds it cute and enduring that the reader cares for his beasts just as much as he does.

Gender neutral reader and in a established romantic relationship please!

So happy I found a borderland x reader writer! Your blog is a blessing lmao

Spoiled Rotten

I'm sorry this took so long for me to do! This is such a cute request! I hope you like it! Fl4k is a bit hard to write for, but I hope I did well. Any ideas on how I can improve my writing are appreciated. Also, I could not remember which pronouns were used for which pet since I only use Mr. Chew lol

Minors + ageless blogs DNI.

Gender-Neutral Reader, No pronouns used.

“Dear, this is not necessary, you’re making them soft,” Fl4k chastised as you ran your fingers over the top of Meat-Thief’s head, cooing about how well he did in the last battle. 

“There’s no harm in a little praise! Besides, he fights just as hard as you do, wouldn’t you say he deserves a reward?” You pause your petting for a moment to look at Fl4k, who was unsure of what to say. Meat-Thief quickly grew bored of waiting for you to continue and took actions into his own hands, grabbing your wrists and leading them back to his head, a clear nonverbal plea for more affection.

“Of course, but do you not think this is a bit much? The beasts would never stop the hunt, now they look to you after every fight hoping for praise.”

“And what’s wrong with that? There’s no fight they can’t help you out of, so no harm no foul, right?” Fl4k could only sigh as they watched you play with Meat-Thief, who was very content with being showered in so much love.

For as much as they complained, Fl4k couldn’t deny that it was sweet seeing you treat their creatures with all the care in the world. Upon updating Lilith with the results of your latest mission, they returned to the room they shared with you and were met with a sight they had seen many times before, but they welcomed it nonetheless. Few people would be willing to cuddle with a spiderant, but you often winded down by taking a nap with Broodless. It rested atop your legs, occasionally repositioning to get more comfortable. Creepy crawly aside, a spiderant didn’t seem like the most ideal creature to cuddle, with all its harsh edges and jagged limbs, but you never seemed to have any issues.

“Fl4k,” you called softly so as to not stir Broodless from its sleep, “Why doesn’t Broodless hurt?” you asked, “We’ve napped together more times than I can count but I’ve never come out with even a scratch.”

“Broodless respects you.” They answered matter-of-factly as they set food out for Mr. Chew, “It is not a coincidence that you haven’t been hurt yet. Broodless makes a conscious effort not to hurt you. You might not notice it, but it is careful and aware of you, even while it is asleep.” Broodless flinched ever so slightly at the sound of Fl4k’s deep voice. It stood up before stretching slightly and stared at Fl4k, almost grumpy about being woken from its nap, before repositioning itself once again for another nap. You paid more attention this time, noticing how it carefully lowered itself onto your lap, finally relaxing once it made sure you didn’t react in pain. 

“Huh. I wonder why it does that…” You asked yourself out loud,

“That’s simple,” Fl4k responded, taking a seat next to you as they watched Broodless slowly drift off again. “You treat it so well, it wants to return the favor. Not just Broodless, but the rest of the beasts as well.”

Mr. Chew had his own way of thanking you for loving him, as he always walked close to you while on a mission, keeping a careful eye out for any psychos or fanatics that might try to hurt you. He circled around you as you walked with Fl4k to complete a mission for the Crimson Raiders. Your small talk with Fl4k was interrupted by the echos of gunshots and the senseless ramblings of a psycho as he charged at you, being followed by a small group of fanatics not far behind. The psycho was easy to handle, as both you and Fl4k locked on to him while Mr. Chew ran to the fanatics, pouncing on them as soon as he got close. He made quick work of the fanatics, leaving you and Fl4k feeling like proud pet parents.

“What was that about me making them soft?” You asked teasingly, calling back to Fl4k’s concerns about you spoiling the beasts. 

“I do still think that you’re too giving with them sometimes, but I can count on Mr. Chew to stick to discipline.” They stated confidently, though they spoke too soon as Mr. Chew’s manners changed once he saw you. He switched from running to Fl4k’s side to suddenly whining as he slowly limped towards you. The stark contrast was enough to worry you as you met Mr. Chew halfway while Fl4k followed behind you, though they weren’t as concerned as you were.

You knelt down to meet Mr. Chew and gently grabbed his paw, checking for whatever injury could have caused his limp. “My love, you are aware that he is faking, right? It seems I have to retract my earlier statement, you’ve spoiled Mr. Chew as well…” he sighed, but you kept looking intently.

“That can’t be right, Mr. Chew is your most disciplined beast, be serious, he wouldn’t fake this for attention,”

“If that’s true, stop paying attention to him for a moment. See how he reacts.” Fl4k suggested. You didn’t want to doubt Mr. Chew, but the sooner you proved Fl4k wrong, the sooner you could get to caring for Mr. Chew again. You stood up, and Mr. Chew whined again, wanting you to meet his level.

“See? He’s upset. There’s something wrong.” You argued, but Mr. Chew stopped whining. He scooched closer to you and pawed at you lightly, wanting your attention again. You looked down again, and he started whining once he realized he had your attention.

“Well, if he’s so upset, just check him,” Fl4k suggested tiredly, finally giving in to your concern.

You knelt down beside Mr. Chew, looking over his paw again.

“...”

“Well, how bad is it?”

“It’s just a scratch…”

[checkoutmybookshelf]

I Want to Be Where The Pirates Are...

So...I'm aware that one cannot genetically engineer books to specific readers, but if one could...the Dangerous Damsels books have my DNA baked in. Especially when the lore of the world involves both a pirate's league and a witches' league--who naturally detest each other--splitting off from the same common ancestor, a sketchily prophesied heir, and a long-lost amulet that some goody two-shoes put in a museum. It's time for witches and pirates to have a reckoning, and it's time for Charlotte Pettifer to fall in love with--in no particular order--the sky, magical chaos, and a big scary pirate. Let's talk The League of Gentlewomen Witches.

This is your obligatory SPOILER WARNING because I have exactly zero compunctions about SPOILING everything about this book. Also, this is your CONTENT WARNING for brief mentions and discussions of child abuse and panic/PTSD attacks.

Miss Charlotte Pettifer is extremely not a witch because witches don't exist, thank you very much. She is also a well-reared, respectable lady. But where Cecilia Bassingthwaite was soft amd respectable while also just happening to be an expert in the piractical arts, Charlotte is willing to toss soft away for adventure within about five seconds of being given the opportunity. And she certainly does get the opportunity amidst the chaos of the entire Wisteria Society and Wicken League attempting to steal Black Beryl's amulet. Ultimately, the inimitable Lady Armitage comes up with it, and Charlotte's plan is to hold pirate Alex O'Riley at gunpoint in his own flying house so he will take her in hot pursuit.

It takes about five minutes of Taming of the Shrew/Much Ado About Nothing shenanaganery before we get Charlotte and Alex's first kiss, but these two adorable dumbasses spend the next 90% of the book insisting that of course they hate each other, and of course this is a kidnapping/hostage situation, and of course all the really rambunctious sex they're having is just tension release so they can effectively track down the amulet.

Reader, I adore these two.

Neither one is terribly good at emotions, and they spend most of the book avoiding talking about anything plainly and explicitly. Instead. They settle for the most tender, sweet moments in the midst of mortal danger and some of the best double entendres and innuendos (all speckled with Irish pirate roguery and some genuinely wonderful literary allusions) I have ever read. There are also some delightfully self-aware trope subversion moments--for example, Charlotte insists that she needs a change of clothes to do piracy, and Alex keeps insisting she dies not until she gets to "trousers," whereupon he is suddenly very much on board with this idea. There is also the inn the pair wind up in, which--tragically--has two beds. They very quickly remedy the situation by pushing the beds together in order to ensure they they end up in their "only one bed" as expediently as possible. When I tell you that I laughed literally out loud when they fell down the crack between the two beds and ended up just sleeping (literally and figuratively) on the floor, I am being entirely serious.

The sex and shenanagins and courting disguised as tracking down Lady Armitage--and some genuine running from the Wisteria Society and Wicken League--continue until they stumble on Lady A's house by sheer coincidence and she literally has to *interrupt their play-fight flirting* to go "Do you want this goddamn amulet or not?"

Charlotte wants the amulet--as Black Beryl's prophesied heir, it's hers, naturally--but this is where the issue with not talking about your feelings starts biting her and Alex in the ass a little, because it is literally MID-BATTLE WITH Lady A when Alex looks at Charlotte and goes "We have to destroy this amulet, Lottie."

Which for us readers makes some sense, because we have gotten a little bit of Akex's traumatic backstory at this point, enough to understand that it's witch-related, but all Charlotte really knows is that it left some deep-ass emotional scars that she's still kind of floored tbat Alex let her get any glimpse of at all. But because they're not on the same page, they fumble the amulet and their own escape and end up in Lady A's dungeon.

No, I didn't question how a pirate's flying battle house has a dungeon. And if you're questioning it, this is not the book for you.

Charlotte is pacing like a caged tiger trying to find a way out while Alex just kind of marvels at her--this man is soooooo gone for her it's not even funny and we kind of adore it. Eventually, however, with nothing but time on their hands, Alex and Charlotte have no choice but to actually sit down and talk seriously to each other. Which leads to honestly my favorite little section of this entire book.

Alex O'Riley's backstory is HELLA dark. The TLDR is essentially that a his father had an affair with a witch, and that made Alex's mother die of a broken heart. So we start with a mom dead at age five. Then dad becomes an alcoholic who beats him bloody and one tries to drown him. Add to that abusive nuns at school and a stepmother who used to lock him in the cellar and withhold food, and it's kind of incredible that Alex is a functional human who can still manage to smuggle food into Ireland for people experiencing poverty and starvation. He coped by not feeling things and building a pirate rake reputation to avoid getting feelings-close to anyone. Unfortunately, Charlotte is over here explaining why he's right about destroying the amulet and saying that she would give up witchy superpowers for him, and he is getting hit directly in the feels and scars she doesn't understand the scope of.

So Alex has what is either a panic attack, PTSD flashback, or a bit of both. We get the highlights of his childhood trauma and the absolute heartbreak that all he can say to Charlotte as he slips into the memories is "sorry." Which isn't an apology to Charlotte for losing control, not really, or at least that's not all it is. That word is the key to this traumatic memory, and it's just cruel that he can say it in the here and now but the child he was was too hurt and frightened and at the mercy of a witchy stepmother to save himself. Literally, my heart. I was not expecting to cry at this screwball rom com, but damn if India Holton didn't get me.

But what I really loved was Charlotte's response to his panic attack. Thanks to the patriarchy and rampant goddamn ableism, this scene is done badly SO OFTEN. I literally wrote an entire academic article about how versions of this scene are done poorly multiple times in Iron Man 3. But Charlotte does it right. If she's afraid, Alex doesn't need to see that, and he doesn't. She asks him what he needs, and more importantly, she listens to him. She is supportive of his feelings in the moment. She VALIDATES him. And she doesn't let him minimize his own feelings or experiences while simultaneously offering him a metaphorical hand to take to pull himself up--she's not forcing him to make any moves here. It's a quiet, soft scene that does everything right, and I love that we can let our big scary pirate lad have these real, human moments and we aren't castigating or shaming him for having feelings. We are, in fact, validating and supporting him. The post-panic or post-PTSD attack scene is done so badly in so many books and movies, but this one is done with care, and I love that to tiny little peices.

After this, Charlotte and Alex quite handily get out if the dungeon and fight Lady Armitage for the amulet again. During the fight, Charlotte outs herself in front of a witch hunter to save Alex's life, and her ass is saved in return by the absolutely WONDERFUL Constantinopla. At which point Charlotte joins Cecelia and Constantinopla on a jury-rigged popcorn stall to help bring Lady A's house down since she still has the amulet. Meanwhile, Ned, Alex, and Tom just kind of sit back and watch, prompting Alex to ask, "Does anyone else get the feeling that in fact we're their boys?"

Alex O'Riley understands how the world works.

Ultimately, Lady Armitage ruined house, the lady herself, and the amulet go crashing into the sea and are presumed dead by everyone but the reader, who discovers at the end that the lady doth survived too much, the real amulet has been safe in a vault the whole time, and another unsuspecting man is forcibly married to Lady A.

Charlotte's story ends rather more happily. She gives up the restraints of the Wicken League and abdicates leadership about five minutes after she gets it so Alex can "kidnap" her and restore the status quo of animosity between witches and pirates. Charlotte gets to go be spontaneous, fierce, and kickass with her hot Irish pirate, and frankly I love that for both of them.

We just briefly need to hit a couple of subplots here. First, I want to address Alex's butler, Bixby. Bixby is the protagonist of the next book, so I'm sure we will get more of him then, but for the purposes of THIS book, he joins the battle butler coven with Sam Vimes's Wilikins and Artemis Fowl's Domovi Butler. I would pay I don't even know how much money to get these three in a room together for the battle butler equivalent of a stitch and bitch. The gossip and shop talk and trade secrets would be LEGENDARY.

Second, we need to address Miss Judith Plim, the head of the Wicken League and Charlotte's aunt. This woman makes Granny Weatherwax look warm, gregarious, and flexible. She was insistent on keeping everything of Charlotte's that was exuberant and joyful tied down and smothered, and she's over here trying to prevent Charlotte and Alex from getting together. For *reasons*, Aunt Judith ends up with Detective Inspector Matthew Creeve, an avid witch hunter. This one...should probably just speak for itself, so here:

"You are a fetid witch." Miss Plim blushed. "And if I am not mistaken, sir, you are that revolting and heartless scourge of the earth, a witch hunter." He took a few steps toward her, his hips jerking in an attempt at manly swaggering. "What is your name?" "Judy," she said. "Matthew," he told her. [...] "I am fetid, bad, reprehensible," she said huskily. "How are you going to punish me, Matthew?"

And it goes pretty much where you'd expect it to from there. Not gonna lie, this felt a little random in the sense of "Camillo and Paulina get together at the end of Winter's Tale," but it was drop-dead funny, so I'm not complaining.

Third is the little subplot with Constantinopla, Tom, and Lady Armitage. In addition to stealing the amulet, Lady Armitage rather incidentally also steals Tom, and Alex has to keep reminding Charlotte that they probably ought to steal Tom back right alongside the amulet. Especially as Lady A is known for her prolific husband homicides. The deeply amusing payoff to this is that they get in the room just AFTER Lady A and Tom are married and have to kind of Princess Bride the whole thing because poor Tom is TERRIFIED of what Constantinopla will do if she finds out he said "I do" to another woman. Charlotte pretty much just goes "So don't tell her. It's fine. We'll bribe and/or threaten the Vicar. Just keep your trap shut and she never has to know." This blows Tom's mind entirely, but he rolls with it because he is deeply in love with his original fiance.

Before I wrap this up, I once again need to shout out India Holton's writing style. The sheer mastery of sneaky and hilarious literary allusions mixed with genuine sweetness and sincerity, and strong as hell characrer writing make these books stand out in my head. The prose itself is as much of a pleasure as the story and characters, and that's so rarely the case these days. These books are written for English major romance girlies (gender neutral) and the books love their readers back. So very, very much.

And that is where we will leave it for now! I've had my local bookshop order in the third Dangerous Damsels book for me, and I am very excited for it. If you haven't yet picked up The Wisteria Society of Lady Scoundrels, I recommend it before reading this book.

[purpleluckystar]

You know, I have a theory why baby smurfs are brought by storks on the Blue Moon. Firstly, the Smurfs being both male and female becomes meaningless if babies appear out of nowhere. So the only explanation is that baby Smurfs brought by storks are orphans. Smurfs are very small and peaceful creatures, so it's not too difficult to kill one, in addition to other ailments.

As for male and female smurfs living separately, I really don't understand. Perhaps 1 of the reasons is that classic question of the war of the sexes, or because perhaps they are... very productive? if you understand what I'm talking about. And the population became too populous and they thought it was a bad thing since the world was too dangerous for many smurfs. or the storks separated the children by sex. Really, maybe it's just a coincidence.

Except male and female Smurfs only came into contact during the Lost Village events, neither of them were aware of each other existence until then. So there's no way those (many!) babies are offsprings of Smurf couples. Also Smurfs are by no mean easy to capture and kill, in fact they're ressourceful and extremely cautious, hence why they live hidden in the forest away from any other kind of population. You can't even find the Smurf Village without a Smurf showing you the way or without any kind of powerful sorcery!

Why both males and females exist even when they don't reproduce the same way we do is, in my theory, due to their connection with the laws of alchemy. See it's stated multiple times in the franchise that one can create a Philisophal Stone using Smurfs. You can also create homonculi Smurfs, like Smurfette for example. And in the old cartoon, the Smurfs Lifelong Stone is powered by the purest forms of the four elements, which again is a connection with alchemy. What does it have to do with the male/female Smurfs debate? Well, there's also a theory in alchemy that states male and female essences both must exist as two opposite who must complete each other, and by doing so they can form a androgynous being: the perfect form of life.

Does that mean their goal is to fuse à la Steven Universe? No, of course not. The androgynous being cited above is simply a metaphore of a idyllic society; one that accept both males and females as part of its integrity, equals yet different, opposites but incomplete without each other. That does not by any mean obligate them to be in a romantic relationship, but simply to walk alongside hand in hand in perfect harmony.

Why were male and female Smurfs kept separate by whatever being send them in their respective places then? Who knows! Maybe they needed to find their "other halves" by themselves? Or maybe they did live together once upon a time, but something happened that crumbled that harmonious society and they had to be kept separate until they could start anew? That kind of make me think about that myth that Aristophanes guy talked about...

But hey, that's just a theory. A SMURF theory. ;)

[resignedseraph]

I know it's par for the course for stuff like this but like it'd be super cool if I could be at all sure what the hell is going on in my brain (explanation below, talk of ramcoa suspicions)

So,,, okay I didn't post about this on here yet but about a month ago I found a thing I wrote while freshly out of the cult, when I was trying to figure out what the hell was up with my dreams, and it pretty specifically outlined how trauma programming works. I wouldn't have had any reason to know what that was or what it did, and I properly learned about trauma programming at least three years later. I also have no reason to believe that it might've been an influence of any stories I'd read, none of them that got even close to the topic were in depth enough for that. So either that, or it's coincidence, which is pretty damn slim.

(by the way, side note that this wasn't exactly new-new news to me, I'd approached the possibility of having been subject to ramcoa a couple years ago and processed that, but finding no indications either way has been very frustrating! So I actually felt happy and justified/vindicated when I found that)

Last week I also learned of some more recent child abuse/harassment at the cult I was in, from a former student a couple grades down who was taking a class with my brother at the college I go to. Before that I already knew of at least one staff member who consistently harassed and preyed on younger students, including a close friend of mine. So there is definitely some background for systemic abuse within that particular microcosm.

Before I found the dream journal thing, I'd been tracking various unexplained symptoms I have and keeping common forms of ramcoa programming in mind. At this point I'm fairly sure I sustained CSA at some point growing up, from the variables I know were present and the symptoms I have.

It's not only that though, there's various other symptoms that are still completely unexplainable to me. To name a notable one, at one point one of the main trauma holders in my sys was extremely dissociated and shut down, having flashbacks for a month straight after accessing some repressed memories which we still haven't consciously gone through. There was also an instance when several similar alters were found who were isolated from the rest of the sys, and didn't "come out of" a trancelike state or heavy masking until our gatekeeper told them a particular phrase to let them know that they didn't need to do their job anymore. There's also decent reason to suspect repeated CSA, based on the actions of particular alters.

I've learned how to do responsible research of ramcoa (barring times when I've been in a triggered trancelike state and felt drawn to engage with triggering topics), and the frustrating thing is that there's not much at all that lines up. Finding the dream thing was a big advance for me in this whole case. Right now I think I have solid reasons to suspect CSA, and decent reason to suspect programming, but if I did sustain programming then I get the impression that it wasn't totally intentional. Like, that whoever did it wasn't really aware what they were doing, and it just happened to turn out the way it did. There definitely wasn't the kind of organization or secrecy to pull off "proper" programming, I can gather that much from what I know.

Idk exactly why I'm posting this but I felt like giving a bit of an update about more serious stuff. So hey if you got to this part of the post, congrats? lol. Feel free to comment or respond to this or whatever, that's entirely fine with me

[infriga]

Finished Alan Wake 2, it was awesome! The mystery was well done, they improved a lot on the first game's mechanics, the characters were fun and interesting, Casey and Saga lived!!! (and technically so did Alan? I think? Alice mentioned that the only ways out were destruction or ascention, and they were on the way to ascention, and the light bullet was from her. I'm glad her suicide wasn't real that one stung when I watched that video ngl lol 😭), I like how they actually did encorporate Alice's photography into the artistic creation powers aspect of the plot like I've wanted them to, and it's even hinted that she's actively working on saving Alan somehow (her light bullet being a part of that presumably), and I like how they pulled an inception style ending where we never actually get to see if Logan picks up when Saga calls her.

I thought it was funny how Alan was like "this is a horror story so for this to work the ending has to be dark, a price has to be paid by one of the heroes" and Saga's response was basically "well clearly Logan, Casey, and I will all survive and thrive. I've earned my happy ending and I won't take no for an answer." leaving Alan as the only option of the 2 heroes to pay the "price" lmao. Like I'm sure he woulda offered anyway and I don't think she was being callous so much as just trying to figure out a way to get her family (which includes Casey of course) out of this in-tact and unharmed, but it still made me laugh how blunt she was about it lol. Saga knew what she wanted and she was getting it, extremely valid. And Alan survived anyway, so like Saga said it's not the end of his story 👀. It's also possible that Saga has her own price to pay in some way, like maybe having to escape the Dark Place still?

There are still some plot threads left unaddressed that I find really interesting:

Odin and Tor went into the lake after Saga and technically her and Casey are still stuck in the dark place as far as I'm aware.

How did Rose get into the dark place, like was that really her there? And if so, how will she get out? Alan said he wasn't sending her messages but her knowledge was way too detailed for it to just be coincidence. Maybe Alice is the one sending her messages? Or maybe they're from the future and Alan hasn't sent them yet?

Wtf is going on with Thomas Zane and why do Ahti, Odin, and Tor keep calling Alan Tom? I keep wondering if maybe Scratch was actually a corrupted Tom who's merged with the Dark Presence or something? But half the time Ahti is calling Alan Tom is before he technically gets possessed.

I theorized in the past that Ahti was the owner of the Oldest House, and someone brought up a good counter theory that Ahti IS the house, as in a projected avatar of its will, which is also very possible. But Alan Wake 2 might possibly contradict that if Ahti is able to leave the house and do stuff outside it and fuck around with other phenomena, which I don't think the house itself would be able to do? Though I could be wrong. So maybe he is the owner of the House and that allows him to leave it and use it to get places normal people can't get to? I know part of Ahti's nature is to be mysterious lol but it's fun to speculate.

Who is Warlin Door and what is his deal??? It sounds like he has a similar thing going on with Saga with both their family lines having special abilities, where Andersons are seers and Doors can travel across/through worlds/dimensions/spaces via their control over "doors". Thinking about it... Saga mentioned that her dad left before she could remember and Tor didn't like her dad for some reason and drove him away, and she used Door's page to figure out how to travel through the dark place. Possible connection there maybe? 👀 Door did mention that someone important to him was dragged into Alan's mess which was why Door got involved. Not to mention the nature of his disappearance. Maybe that someone was Saga. Maybe Tor's beef with him was some sorta blood feud thing between supernatural families. I'm sure we'll learn more about him in future games lol, they drew too much attention to him for him to just be a one-off character.

TIM! He's still stuck in the Dark Place too as far as I know, poor guy. Dunno why door dragged him there and left him there to vibe (maybe so he could give Saga that page when she actually needed it?), but the poor guy deserves freedom too lol.

Who was on the payphone with Saga in the Dark Place? Was it Alice? I feel like it was Alice.

Is the Oceanview Hotel related to the Oceanview Motel? They seem to serve very different purposes and have very different designs/vibes/uses aside from having those symbols on some of the doors, but the name can't be a coincidence. And if they are related, does that mean the Oceanview Motel is connected to Thomas Zane?

These aren't complaints or anything, I'm sure a lot of these points will be addressed in further sequels to either Alan Wake or Control. Hopefully that doesn't take another 13 years to happen this time 😂

I'll have to replay the game at some point because tragically I missed petting 2 deer heads apparently. I'm really tempted to replay Control again atm. The Alan Wake sequel definitely incorporated a lot more of the Control style vibes this time around lol, which I enjoyed a lot, and now I've got a hankering...

[huntunderironskies]

infodump away, my good friend — 1) guilt for silas, 2) midnight for charlotte, and/or 3) hunt for leo

:^) Oh boy!

Silas

As you know extremely well, Silas is the embodiment of Catholic guilt. I am not exaggerating in the slightest that he's convinced he's damned. The fact that he died and is currently Schrodinger's Zombie is not helping. He does think that God has given him one final chance but the only way he's salvaging his life is by making some sort of incredibly grand sacrifice that nobody else could possibly do. He's not sure what it is, but he's sure that God is going to guide him to it.

Being that he's damned, it logically follows (at least in his own head) that he can't become more damned on the path to being not damned, and that's why this keeps involving him committing nonviolent crimes (he doesn't want to actually kill anyone because if he does, they might die without getting a chance to repent for anything they did wrong, which is bad.) That aside, he is exceptionally perfectionistic when it comes to his behavior, down to never swearing, but this is more trying to prove to God that he really genuinely means he wants to be saved and is willing to do whatever it takes.

The extreme tl;dr of how this all started is he got dragged into running some errands for a local crime syndicate when he was young and desperately trying to keep his family out of poverty. He was gullible enough he didn't completely understand what he was getting into until it was too late and they didn't take him trying to do the right thing and back out well.

They didn't expect him to come back, of course. :V

Charlotte

I'm not going to dance around the issue, Charlotte has borderline personality disorder. So the questions around what her anxieties et al are is...a lot, and she does in fact tend to sleep pretty poorly because she's in a near-constant state of agitation despite not looking like it. This can be more "positive" in the sense of her hitting a grandiose phase where she's busy with working and plotting, or negative in the sense she's collapsed into a self-loathing lump.

Charlotte is exceptionally concerned with coming across as sensible, no-nonsense, and generally someone who both is taken seriously but also is the kind of person you aren't afraid to approach with your problems. There's some element of brutal practicality to this, because she knows that knowing everyone else's dirty secrets is worth its weight in gold and also she does kind of deal in acting as a ringleader for a third-party whistleblower who can silently release information about social parties (whether they be corporations, politicians, or anything else) who would otherwise be too dangerous to speak openly against for a single person.

She really, really, really, really is invested in this idea of herself as a clever above-it-all social manipulator. On some level, she expects everyone to be completely transactional in their relationships with her

Unfortunately, she is very aware that she has actual emotions and that they're pretty difficult to control. She hates the general fact that there is a seething core of anger, fear, and frustration that's constantly boiling beneath the surface because it's so contrary to what she wants to think of herself as being like and because she knows people won't like it if they see it. Like a lot of people with "quiet" borderline, she tries to bury her emotions until she has an implosive episode. She's still incredibly petty and vengeful when she feels slighted and fantasizing about revenge is something she's very prone to do.

(Side note, she's a lot easier to manipulate than she wants to believe she is and she's very easily won over by flattery, it's not a coincidence that her two most consistent partners are very effusive in their affection, which is good because she needs near-constant reassurance but struggles with actually asking for it, so someone who's going to show it without her actively prompting it helps. A lot.)

...oh, and she can't have nightmares. Like, literally. It's impossible. So that doesn't really keep her from sleeping but everything else does.

Leo

So. Leo's dad is a piece of work. Here's his theme song. Anyway, they aren't outright trying to kill each other but they're both strongly considering it.

Leo's dad (hence, Elijah) works for a subsidiary of Cheiron Corp called Maranatha and is currently Maranatha's CEO, a position he inherited from his father/Leo's grandfather. Maranatha takes a more biblical approach to Cheiron's usage of monster parts-- specifically, they believe that humans were meant to inherit the Earth and are allowed to have full dominion over what's in it. Monsters are trying to take that birthright from them...and if humans are allowed to take all resources of the world that God gave to them, it's only right that they take power from monsters in order to ensure the world remains in their hands.

(EXTREME oversimplification here but we'll be here all day if I give the full theological details, it's essentially a Christian dominionist worldview.)

Leo grew up extremely sheltered (technically relevant: they're DFAB, I always assumed this was implicitly obvious but it seemed like it flew over the heads of a lot of people in the game they were in? I guess you need an understanding of typical gender role dynamics within American evangelical subcultures) and their future was always kind of decided for them. They never knew what kind of wetwork their dad was involved in until it was too late.

Maranatha had developed a new, highly experimental procedure and they needed a host for what they believed was a new and heretoforth unseen relic, a part of God's body itself. If you ask Elijah Giles, he'd prayed long and hard on the matter, and giving up his eldest child was no easy feat. Men are usually the one on the front lines, anyone else getting the chance to take up the sword of judgement is rare indeed. Still, he was sure he'd made the right choice. Leo was devout, pure, the perfect servant of God. They'd earned it in a sense, even if they were an unconventional choice.

Still, it's a little suspicious he didn't choose his trueborn son over his daughters when they'd tried so hard for so long to have a proper heir, isn't it? Especially given how dangerous it'd have been.

The procedure failed in a way that absolutely nobody expected when the Dark Mother pulled the metaphysical equivalent of "I licked it, it's mine now" which is why Leo is both a Stigmatic and a Beast. They did not have a good time and it's going to be everyone else's problem, especially Maranatha. Leo's been hunting them down with single-minded dedication and their secondary focus is on the God-Machine itself, which they have internalized an extremely odd theology around (I think I've mentioned the Church of the Night Angel on this blog before, so...they are an extremely devout member of it to the point that more senior members have been desperately trying to keep a metaphorical leash on them so they don't do something stupid in the pursuit of the Church's goals.)

Leo is...less paranoid than you'd expect because they have absolute faith in the Dark Mother to lead them down the right path. They are absolutely desperate to trust people, in fact, and while they can be a bit wary of others at first they try their best to be friendly, the problem is that their "friendly" is deeply offputting for reasons that are very complicated to explain but long story short they are incredibly socially awkward and only part of that is from being so isolated they only had extended contact with their family and a few other people within the Maranatha inner circle until they were ten.

[madamxrose]

Hi! This is my first time asking and am really nervous. Take as long as you need! :) My request is a Tanjiro x reader which the reader uses siren breathing but the problem is the reader has extreme social issues can it be fluff? Tysm :) (take your time btw)

♡ Word Count: 910

♡ Warnings: contains the reader confronting social anxiety and occasional physical affection/contact (mainly hand-holding) please avoid reading if any would make you uncomfortable <3 also, I used “damn” once

❥ A/N: Hi! Thank you for requesting, I'm so glad you let me be your first ask <3 I wasn’t sure how siren breathing would work, so I mainly treated it as just singing. I hope you enjoy! Feel free to let me know if there’s anything you want changed. And of course, you’re always welcome to request something else in the future, no judgement here <33

➷ By pure coincidence, Tanjiro found you training on the outskirts of the Butterfly Mansion one day

➷ He was returning from a successful solo mission — with Nezuko comfortably napping in the box suspended the straps draped over his shoulders

➷ Originally, he was on his way towards the infirmary, but stops dead in his tracks when he hears singing in the distance. Drawn to it, he follows the voice as it increases in volume, eventually picking up your scent, but still unable locate you

➷ Carefully concealed by a tree's shadow, he only finds you because of your voice and your body shifting every so often — presumably practicing your postures for each form

➷ Your angelic voice sent shivers throughout his body, his ears craving more and more of your voice, practically addicted

➷ When you leisurely release the final note, you tense up at the sound of another voice. Anxious thoughts permeate your mind, but lasts only a moment before Tanjiro's compliments and gentle tone take their place

➷ Dipping his head to bow, he apologies for intruding. Your scent emphasized just how much of a bundle of nerves you were, so the least he could do was acknowledge it in some way

➷ With a dismissive hand, you insist it's fine, which prompts him to further the conversation; curious as to why he's never heard you sing until now, despite knowing you for some time. He's not completely in the dark, but he's not one to assume when he can get answers from the source

➷ When you go into detail about your social anxiety, the softness in his eyes highlighted the kindness in his heart. So when he asks if there's a way to support you, your thoughts involuntarily escape your lips, suggesting to train with him

➷ Initially, the both of you would meet in secret, holding your meetings in the same place as the first time. Originally, Shinbou was the only person aware of your meetings since Tanjiro requested she watch over Nezuko for the first few meetings

➷ The first meeting was the most nerving, but Tanjiro's gaze and words were always devoid of judgement; so over time, a profound confidence developed inside you — even if unbeknownst to you for some time

➷ He's sure to ask multiple times how you're feeling throughout your sessions. During instances where your nerves get the best of your mind, he'll use the 5-4-3-2-1 technique to draw you out of your thoughts  

➷ Inviting Nezuko to your sessions was easiest step for you. Her presence was like a reward. The gentle, encouraging clapping, loving pats and warm hugs she gave greatly motivated you to continue facing your fears

➷ …but including Zenitsu and Inosuke was a big feat for you. Both were prone to being rousey, so Tanjiro was sure to shut them up. It did take a few attempts, and there were times where you were on the verge of a mental breakdown, but he was always there to give you a helping hand, an open ear, and soothing words

➷ Slowly, but surely, Tanjiro became a prominent person in your life, and vice versa. Most of your free time was spent with him. Your favorite activity was sitting alongside him on the rooftop: basking in the cool breeze, the starry, clear sky, and Tanjiro's presence

➷ From the beginning, the both of you found ease in each other's presence, but one particular night, the air around you two felt different

➷ Tanjiro was sure of it

➷ When you softly call his name, he shifts his attention from the sky to you, his body following in suit

➷ The instant he meets your gaze, he realizes something is amiss

➷ Tanjiro's seen your face countless times before, but tonight, he just couldn't take his eyes off you. The way the moonlight illuminated your skin paired with the bright, affectionate glimmer in your eyes, he was at a loss for words. You were just too stunning

➷ He was no stranger to your physical affection, but the way your fingers intertwined with his, palms pressed together, the new warmth instantly spread throughout his body — the rose red tinge on his cheeks indicating so

➷ He couldn't put into words how desperately he hoped your touch had even the slightest romantic intent to it

➷ Not that he'd outwardly express it, for now. So, you could imagine how grateful he was for the gentle breeze tickling his skin, hoping it'd compose his hot skin

➷ "Thank you," you start, before detailing the reasons you're thankful for him. Your voice interrupts his train of thought because of how sweet it sounds — almost like it's a melody

➷ If someone asked him to distinguish your regular voice to your singing one right now, he'd fail to differentiate the two

➷ What really sent him over the edge, and consequently, turned him into a pile of nervous mush, was the innocent, genuine grin you give him as you joke about being able to face anything now — because of him

➷ His heart was pounding so loudly throughout the moment, that he was sure you could hear

➷ Finally, he knew what was amiss

➷ He was falling for you

➷ Tanjiro wasn't one to be nervous, but the effect you had on him said otherwise

➷ Not that he minded much

➷ Because damn, you made nervousness a beautiful feeling

reblogs and comments are always appreciated! ♡

masterlist

[creation-help]

do you have any tips on crafting good comic relief characters?

What makes a good comic relief character can vary wildly, so I usually follow a few hard rules on what doesn't make a good comic relief character. Firstly here's some things to avoid!

- This character is funny because they're fat and/or ugly and stupid. Stupidity can work as a good driving force for comic relief, but pairing it with the character being portrayed as "ugly" or having them be fat simultaneously just hits as demeaning a group of people. Fat people have been the butt of a joke for way too long and way too often, and it's never been funny. Avoid making the humor of your character based on them being fat or otherwise deemed as "undesirable". Be especially careful if this coincides with traits associated to certain ethnicities and stereotypes regarding them. Just be aware of stereotypes and don't punch down

- If the audience finds the character annoying it's not funny. Characters who are made to be unwatchably annoying are rarely very popular, you can usually tell. Of course, what is and isn't annoying can be very subjective but generally speaking, it's funnier to have the character be annoying to the other characters, than to the audience. I know this is a very vague piece of advice, but try to stay within reason of what makes a character funny instead of just outright insidious

- Coinciding with the previous point, keep a level head on what's actually harmless fun and what gets destructive. I've seen way too many sitcoms attempting to be funny or have a purely comedic character, only for it to get extremely twisted when you actually think about it. Either by way of "Is it actually funny to be laughing at this character for reasons x y z" or "This character is actually a horrific asshole when you put their actions into perspective but the narrative plays them off as funny so they get off the hook constantly". Discrepancies will create unease. It's a different thing for someone to be just sassy and make mean jokes in good faith (especially if it's between people who are close and know it's okay to joke about) vs being actually offensive

I think with all that considered, my main point is to make them an actual character most of all. Comic relief characters work best when they're supported by a fun and engaging story, and I'm not saying the character should be gritty or have tons of stuff put into them, they can definitely just be a jokester, but make sure it's also just an enjoyable character in general. Using a character purely for jokes kinda just makes them a narrative tool, which, I guess is fine but doesn't make them terribly engaging. Give them a role and relationships, maybe good banter and fun dynamics ykno, and be aware of what they contribute to the story/group. Maybe if they're a moderator/tension diffuser type, use that to your advantage, or if they're a foolish and arrogant jokester, show the consequences of that.

Obviously you can make your comic relief be a terrible person but consider that depending on how far it goes, you need reasonable comeuppance. I think a very engaging comic relief arc or storyline could be about someone who starts off as a casual funnyman but over time gets carried off and eventually finds themself in a low dark place, or maybe getting in trouble and ending up corrupted. And they can still be humorous! Ykno, a wisecracking antagonist/villain would be fun!

If you wanna go a lighter route, maybe someone starts off as standoffish and offensive but through their actions or other characters, realizes that it's hurtful and changes their ways to become more considerate. Wholesome funny is also nice!

My last tip is to not gender-lock this character type (I always see it being a man in popular media). Women can be funny. Genders other than man and woman can be funny.

[kleoyeager78]

10 things I hate about you Ch.3

Warnings: mention of self harm and drug use

y/n's pov

I needed to pee on my way to class, so I went to the restroom, and of course Annie followed me.

“Hey n/n”

“Yeah” I said wondering what she wanted

“Why do you feel the need to cry when erens around?” Annie asked with genuine curiosity

I was caught off guard by her question because I was unsure of what she meant. Like did she not know I was sensitive as fuck or did she know something else?

Before I could ask Annie read the room and explained more

“I mean, I know all he's done to you, and you have every right to feel the way you do around him, but I've noticed something about the way you interact with people, like even guys worse than Eren, you don't feel the need to cry around, so why him?”

“I mean I don't know it's just my emotions, But maybe it's because he’s been doing it for over a decade now” I said. In all honesty, I was lying, and I believe Annie was aware of it, but she chose not to confront me and instead went on.

“Oh alright let's get to class”

-

Shadis was shouting at everyone to get into their P.E. attire as soon as we entered the classroom.

I was about to walk off to the girls locker room when Shadis stopped me

“L/N I see you took my advice”

“ of course sir I wouldn’t want to look dead on the first day” I said sarcastically

“ go get change and you better pray your as good as you were last year”

“Wait are we doing-” I was about to start but Shadis interrupted me

“GO” He stated loud but he didn’t shout at me since he knew I didn’t like being yelled at

Last year, I had Shadis for P.E., and he made us complete this extreme fitness test on the first day of school. And I only made it to the top three by coincidence. This year, I wasn't as confident because my class was full of strong people.

When Annie and I went to the girls locker room to change, I noticed Hitch. She was chatting with her friends. I wasn't going to approach her because I hadn't spoken to her in months and I didn't want the others in the room to see our awkward encounter. Hitch was far more confident than I was, so she would approach me if she wanted to talk to me. So, instead of approaching her, I pretended not to notice her and changed.

I had finished putting on my shorts and was going to remove my shirt when Annie stopped me.

I instantly knew why.

It was because of my scars. I began cutting myself freshman year and had been attempting to stop for several months. And even though I've quit cutting, I still hunger for it and feel the need to do it, so I scratch myself till I bleed as a replacement for cutting, despite the fact that neither is good.But recently I haven't done either.

Annie doesn’t know this though and so she immediately became protective because she didn’t want anyone to see them.

“They are closed and I have some makeup in my bag so i'll go cover them” I whispered to her and she put her guard down

“Okay let's go” she said about to follow me

“No Annie, I can go by myself. ”

“Okay” Annie sighed not really wanting me to go alone

I didn't want Annie to accompany me since I don't want her to see me like this. Yes, I trust Annie completely, but feeling even more vulnerable to someone makes me feel like shit. In all honesty, if it were up to me, Annie would not have known about my scars, but she discovered them on her own, so I had no say in the matter.

As I'm walking to get my makeup from the locker I think about the first time I cut.

-

I was 14 years old, sitting on the floor in my room, with a pair of scissors in my hand. I was terrified and had no idea what I was doing, but I knew that if I did it, I would feel better. So I did it: I reflected on all that was wrong in my life, took a deep breath, and cut. It hurt like a motherfucker and I was wondering why people did this; when I woke up the next morning, I was still wondering why people did this, and it wasn't until two days later that I realized I hadn't thought about any of the bad things because I was too concentrated on the pain.I realized that the discomfort keeps me preoccupied, and since I like being distracted from my concerns, I kept doing it.

-

But it didn't feel nice anymore since it reminded me of all the bad things in my life. The simple reason I decided to quit was that it had stopped working. All it brought was pain, nothing but pain. No longer relief because when you realize something is a distraction, it's hard to be distracted.

But now that I look at myself, all I want to do is laugh. Laugh at how far I've come and how no one will ever know. Because there was nothing wrong with me in the first place, according to everyone else. Since I was just a happy little girl who everyone could pick on and I wouldn't break.

But, they were all wrong. I broke several times as a result of the suffering created by others around me, yet no one ever seemed to notice. No one ever stopped their day to ask whether I was okay.

But that's okay because I worked it all out on my own. Yes, I've gone down the wrong roads and developed poor habits, but I'm getting better. I've started taking less drugs than I used to, and I've started taking better care of myself by doing things that make me happy, such as going to the park and swinging when I'm not in the best mood, rather than abusing substances.

Annie has no idea, but she is a key reason I'm getting better. She makes me feel so good, and even though we aren't friends, she is the best person I have in my life right now.

The day she walked in on me cutting, I was hoping for more than just a cut on the wrist, but I also asked for a sign, and when she came in, it was the only one I needed, so whenever I see her, it reminds me of that, and I often find myself cutting back on my bad habits as a reaction.

Although it still takes time to quit, I can honestly say I'm doing better.

I sigh as I come out of my thoughts.

And as I approach my locker, I notice a group of people standing nearby who appear to be smoking, but I mind my own business because our school doesn't care, so why should I?

But as i get closer I notice who the people are its eren and his aggravating ass friends

I sighed and moved as quietly as I could towards my locker to avoid being seen.

But of course Eren saw me.

“Hey n/n”

I just ignored him and went to my locker. Because their entire group was standing there, it was difficult to get by.

But when I did I opened it and got my makeup.

“Your ass looks good in those shorts; I wonder how it would look without them.” Eren's friend renier said

I was about to walk away when suddenly someone grabbed my arm

“Why are you leaving so soon” Eren said with a pout

I tried ripping my arm out of his grasp but it was no use.

“Don't be like that baby”

I just look at the ground with watery eyes. I didn’t even know why I was crying but I felt the need to do so.

Eren flicked my chin up to look at him

“Why are you getting makeup if you're in gym anyways” he asked but I still didn't speak

“Aww why aren’t you talking to me baby tell me what I did”

That phrase struck something inside of me, and it hurt terribly, but I tried not to show it.

He took note of this and decided to push me to my limits. Because like I said he loved watching me break

“Well since you won't talk how about you smoke with us”

I remained silent, although right now I felt incredibly little. Of course the man who contributed to the development of your negative habits would be the one to encourage them.

“Eren I think that's en-” you heard armin say but he was soon interrupted by eren

“Come on I know you want to” Eren aid tucking a piece of hair behind your ear

I heard one of his friends chuckle but I couldn’t care at the time since I was frozen in place.

Eren bent down next to my ear to whisper something.

“Though if you don't want to, I have something that will make you feel better than any drug ever could.” he said an a seductive tone

He tried to wrap his arms around my waist but I pushed him away and ran to the bathroom

When I arrived, I sat on the floor and sobbed uncontrollably. I had no idea why his remarks had such an impact on me, but they do, every single one of them.

From inside the bathroom I could hear Armin scolding them for what they did

“You guys need to stop messing with her; she already struggles, and it is wrong of you to treat her in this way without giving her any reason.”

“Sorry Armin I didn’t know that was your girlfriend” Eren said

“Shes not its just that you guys treat her so bad for no reason” Armin defended

“Well you act like you know her or something” Someone said it was a girl tone, and from the sound of it, it sounded like Historia. I recognized her because she was the biggest pick-me in our town. She would always hang out with Eren's group but, prior to that, she would be known for hanging out with these other girls. She would also always act differently when boys were present, and when Eren started showing interest in her, she completely left them in the dust to be a part of his group.

“I dont b-” Armin was interrupted by her yet again

“Then it doesnt matter shes a nobody” She said

“Alright but Eren please stop doing that type of stuff to her she looks uncomfortable and sad you dont know her past and it could trigger her.”

“Yeah thats kinda why I did it Armin”

Armin sighed giving up on the conversation

Armin was always so nice to everyone, and you had no idea how he ended up being friends with a jerk like Eren.

-

After a few more seconds I got up and washed my face off with cold water.

I took a deep breath before removing my hoodie and washing my arms. I started doing my makeup.

After I finished my makeup I changed my shirt and exited the restroom. Luckily, Eren and his friends had left.

-

Third person pov

“Do you really think she’ll let me hit tho” Renier said asking about you

“Hell nah I think yeager has a better chance then you” Connie said looking at Renier half crazy

“I dont think so you guys are jerks to her” Ymir said

“Why would I want to touch something as filthy as her anyways” Eren said making Historia smile

“Suit yourself if she gave me a chance I would hit an instant” Renier said

“Can you imagine how many diseases she has” Eren said making Renier second guess

“What do you mean?”

“ I mean think about it shes a junkie with no job so shes probably fucking for drugs or has sticky fingers” Eren said making Renier think

“Well im gonna fuck her and hope its the second one” Renier said making everyone laugh

“Well unlike you guys I can have any girl I lay my eyes on” Jean bragged

“Well I can have that and the girl you want” Eren responded

“But you cant have y/n”

“Fuck y/n” Eren said getting defensive

“You wish” jean laughed

“Im not really wishing for an std Jean boy”

“Hey dont call me that” now it was Jeans turn to get defensive

“Hey fellas chill out” Connie said making sure they werent going to get into a fight

The group was in an abandoned classroom waiting for Shadis to finish his boring speech that he gave for 20 minutes on every first day of school. After he was done, Eren and his friends would just sneak in midway and act like they'd been there, even though Shadis knew he wouldn't say anything because there were too many kids doing it and he simply wasn't paid enough.

“Well since were all talking about fucking her can I atleast be the first to do it” Renier said his intention was to make Jean and Eren less mad at each other because class was starting in 5 minutes and he didn’t need a petty argument in the middle of whatever they were doing today.

“Nobody wants to fuck her” Jean and Eren said in unison

“Okay im just making sure” Renier said

It all went silent before connie and sasha started laughing

“Whats so funny” Everyone said at the same time

“It's just that I remember walking in on you jerking off to her like what a year ago, and I thought your crush on her had died down.” Connie admitted

“Hey you said you wouldn’t tell anyone” Renier said embarrassed

“How could you get off to her” Eren said disgusted

“Shes so fucking hot what do you mean” Renier said imagining you in his head

There was no denying your attractiveness. In middle school and the beginning of high school, you were known as the pretty girl. However, once you started using drugs, you stopped taking care of yourself and put less effort into your appearance. Even though you were still beautiful, people couldn't get past the fact that you were a drug addict and became disgusted with your addiction, which caused them to become disgusted with you. But everyone knew that if you tried hard enough, you could easily be the most beautiful girl in this school.

“Yeah but shes an addict” Jean said

“Yeah but she just needs a little help”

“A little?” nearly everyone in the room said

“Yeah-” Renier was cut off by the alarm they put on in order not to be late food Shadis’s class

“Renier please kill the obsession with y/n its weird” ymir said

“My obsession with her isnt as bad as erens”

“Whats that suppose to -”Historia cut Eren off because she was sick of hearing about you as she knew Eren had an unhealthy obsession with you and it made her jealous, so she chose to pretend it didn't exist.

“We really have to go I don’t want to be sweaty from the laps were going to have to run if were late to Shadis’s class”

A/N - this chapter is so awkward like I cringed when we ran to the bathroom because I can't imagine running lol but anyways I hate that I struggle writing in first and third person like I can never choose should I write “you” or “i” like i hate that I can't even choose the simplest things but tell me what y'all prefer and also……………………………………… ily bye

[yanderecandystore]

more albedo content pls? 😳 but this time, one of his siblings take a liking to (fem) reader & invites them over to work on a project. and y/n is like this 🥰 with the sibling, but 😐 to albedo ? I need revenge

At first I was confused, thinking that maybe you had mixed some characters around but after rereading it I understood what your request is about- Though I would appreciate it if you could clarify one thing, is this like an AU? Because your request is about Albedo the butterfly fairy yet it sounded like maybe you have a more modern/urban scenario in mind-

Am I correct?

Cause I don't really mind switching characters around and having them in different settings, I really like it actually, though I think I may have caused a bit of a problem with that considering how I have a lot of characters and it can be confusing for me and everyone reading XD.

I imagine that you won't be able to answer me at the moment, but I love watching Albedo struggle so let's give it a try!

TW/Tags: F!Reader // Albedo doesn't really have any siblings so I may switch your request a bit, I'm sorry in advance- // This is so exciting for some reason, I'm getting giggly over this concept boo // jealousy // tantrum/outburst // pretty short, sorry I'm going through some stuff so I haven't really been writing a lot, sorry for the waiting // implied kidnapping/mentions of kidnapping being planned out // delusional thinking // unresolved mental issues (he never takes care of his mental health to be honest)

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Embarrassed [Yandere!Fairy!OC x F!Reader - Headcanon]:

So let's start with the obvious- Albedo is pretty popular and most people would consider him easy going, he has a variety of people that he counts on, but he has a hard time getting through to you.

Anytime spent with you is too short for his stupidly lovestruck heart, someone always intervenes, and sometimes you're barely taking attention to him like everyone else.

His way of dealing with this frustration is to act uninterested, distancing himself and even coming across as rude, no wonder you can't see how he feels about you.

Any reason he can get to be near you, he'll use it despite being a bit hmm- awkward, if not mean.

He doesn't think he is THAT awful to be around, you're the one who can't see someone crushing on you even when they're in your face! Like he is! Constantly!!

Or maybe you just- Don't care… About him.!? That would be awful but it makes a lot of sense. Maybe if he stopped calling you an idiot at every opportunity he finds would help his case a lot more.

Let's say that you two had friends in common, not that surprising since he IS pretty popular, but let's say you weren't aware of just how many people keep in contact with him- And that you had to work with them on some kind of project over the weekend.

You can bet he'll be there as if this was all a coincidence and not that he planned it all out for you three to be in the same group so you two could spend time together-

Of course it hurts his ego that you only came here because of someone else, but let's be honest he kinda deserved it. He doesn't treat everyone too harshly but it's clear that he treats you differently on some kind of level, all his close friends know he can be rude but doesn't really mean it but when it comes to you it is hard to tell.

What was supposed to be a fun time for him ended up being a horrible waste of time, not only was the project extremely boring to him whenever his friend was around you wouldn't even look at him or say a word to him. Seriously, you think he didn't notice how you asked his friend to pick up something while he was RIGHT THERE in front of it?

Oh how cute, you blush at their jokes but not his, "heh" will never be a good enough answer for anyone. It's kinda manipulative of you, to treat him so harshly as if he was dirt below you, guess this is karma.

Albedo is 100% struggling during this whole thing, not only is he fuming with jealousy but the more you try to create a cold barrier between you two the more he thinks it's on purpose.

You're trying to get him to act out, he is sure of it!

"- This is getting ridiculous…" Curses the pathetic man sitting in the corner of the room, waiting for the moment his friend gets away from you so he could have a word or two.

Of course, he doesn't think his friends are at fault in this, they've been trying their best to push you two together so he doubts they have ulterior motives… But… Can he be sure?

He knows he can get- A bit paranoid, and overreact to things too quickly but- He can't help but wonder what is this strange chemistry coming from you two.

His friend did know Albedo liked you, right? They agreed with having you two over because they knew how much he adores you, right? It's impossible they would never start liking you at a time like this, right??

He feels like he is third wheeling in a situation that was created by him, this goes beyond awkwardness and goes straight into irony territory. His ego was already fragile but this moment is cutting deep inside him.

Being right or not didn't matter at the moment, you two were crossing a line right in front of his eyes- He didn't even get the chance to hold you yet his friend can?? Nope, no, not happening.

This would have been fine if you three were together, but being left out of anything is just a nightmare to this social butterfly. The moment you're left alone with him, be ready to hear some unreasonable scolding about how you have treated him unfairly for way too long.

He isn't one to force you to do it but can you at least give him a reason as to why you hate him so much?? And if he can change whatever it is?? God, you're so difficult.

Maybe he had over planned this whole day to be sort of a relationship starter, he was hoping today he would be able to not only tell you how much he loves you but also take you out on a date- Yet here we are, you ruined it.

"- You ruined this whole day for me, and all because of them. What do they have that I don't? I've been nothing but sweet to you yet you give me a cold shoulder and rather spend time with them then me."

"- I'm not taking this anymore, I don't care if you hate me because I love you alright?! There ya go!"

Honestly, what else can he do? The truth is out now in the most awkward way possible. It's infuriating but you brought this to yourself, that's it, he has to do something about you- He was almost completely blinded by those thoughts until he got to see your scared yet dumbfounded face.

You didn't seem terrified- As much as you seemed…. Disappointed. Who wouldn't be? He was acting like an angry ex, he had opened up the worst part of himself to you in the most inconvenient moment.

Of course he would feel embarrassed about having a tantrum so suddenly and in his friend's house, he was so ashamed he didn't resist the urge to run away before saying goodbye. He was ashamed of what he did but even more so of letting you see him like this, and it's no doubt his friend got a glimpse of him running away.

Oh God, you're going to tell them what happened.

Otherwise his perfect and cold persona is going to get thrown out the window and people are going to see how pathetic he really is when it comes to you. He is hurt but he is even more worried about coming across as a clown (he already is one) for getting rejected by someone like you.

Not that you're not wonderful, you are, you're better than him, he knows that- Others don't.

What can he do in a situation like this?? He can't let his friend get you of course, obviously, he can't let you go round and ruin his reputation by telling everyone about his outburst.

He can't live without you, and there is no way you're taking him after seeing how easily he flips. No, no, he would promise you how he wouldn't do it again but you probably wouldn't trust him, HE doesn't trust himself.

No, no, please he can't imagine being away from you. Ugh, just to imagine the disgust in your face if he ever shows himself again- What can a man as self-conscious as he is do about this?

There is only one thought that comes to mind that seems to solve all his problems, though it doesn't seem like the best option, I mean he doesn't have enough space and sometimes he can be really petty if he isn't given privacy.

But locking you inside his place doesn't sound so bad, he could at least get to clear up some of the embarrassment he just went through and he could convince you that he isn't that bad-

Though convincing you to get into his house in the first place may be a bit difficult, ugh, he doesn't know what to do, he wants to shove his head into the ground and never see the sunlight again!

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

[miragemirrors]

so, if you've seen my bio update you might be surprised to learn i am cis now and wonder how and why did this happen. maybe you're worried for me, worried that i was somehow coerced into it and that i'm sure to change my mind later if things are "better", or worried that i might become an enemy because of this realisation.

honestly, the dread i felt around this reaction has been what has been holding me back for a really long time. honestly a lot of dread regarding how people might react to me has been holding me back every since i realised i wasn't as asexual as i thought i was and the gender crisis it threw me into and the, for a long time, horrifying realisation that i am only attracted to women, and within that, more specifically femmes.

now you may ask, why was that a horrifying realisation?

...because i am an extremely moral person by way of autism. i had identified as bisexual as a young teen because i felt it was what was morally right, and then after when i realised my attraction to men was not really there then it must've meant i was not attracted to anyone, because it's moral to treat everyone equally.

realising i had a "bias" i could not by any means change was shattering to my worldview. it made me feel like inherently a moral failure for not being equal opportunity with my sexuality.

and how does this relate to my gender? at the time i had that realisation, i had been identifying as a trans man because i felt that was the natural course of action given my disconnect from societal expectations of what a woman was meant to be, and that it was safe to be a man if i had no attractions. however, feeling really truly attracted to a woman and aware of it for the first time made it all really confusing, because i was attracted to her as a woman myself, but i didn't want to backtrack on my strongly moralised decisions.

so i was grey-ace bigender for a while. then i was a just nonbinary aromantic lesbian (because i felt i could never trust anybody enough to be in a romantic relationship that fulfilled me). then i was a very nonbinary transother stone butch lesbian (because i couldn't be a woman, i had to be something else by virtue of all my shortcomings, and because i didn't trust anyone to ever touch me)

and of course, i felt incredibly pressured to moralise my gender and sexuality to extreme levels. if i were doomed to commit the moral failure of "discriminating" on the basis of gender with my attraction, i had to level it out by rejecting binary definitions by way of gender. but it was never enough. the guilt of a bias still ate at me.

being into a loving relationship for now close to a year and cutting myself off from spaces that hurt me and made me feel like an immoral being as a woman-aligned person and a lesbian, i increasingly came to realise that many of the things i thought i could never want or have because of fear of mistreatment i now could have, and that i did want those things. i wanted a lot of things that had once caused me dread because of my lack of trust and self acceptance and unwillingness to lose "control" or to break my ridiculously strict moral code.

this all made me... increasingly increasingly increasingly comfortable in myself, as i had someone to confide into fully without (as much) fear of judgement for the first time in my life.

and honestly, it is no coincidence that by loving a trans lesbian and becoming more deeply acquaintance that being a woman and a lesbian could be more and not so prescriptive as people tend to think and enforce, more and more i began dropping my reservations towards just being a woman.

but my deeply held moral core felt horrified at that. because that would mean i am accepting what was thrust upon me, that i would not be rejecting the gender binary enough as woman that just likes women, and especially as a butch who only likes femmes.

writing helped me process this whole thing. while zero sum and subsequent installments of zero downtime aren't fully autobiographical (zero is... considerably more troubled in her actions than me, because he had little moral filter at first, and they got to transition while i didn't because of lack of support), the more i developed this story the more i felt... like i could just be and it was fine. no one was hating me or treating me badly for what i wrote. and my girlfriend and friends were applying my journey to other characters too when it was pertinent, and that made me feel seen and loved as i am

so maybe i am not morally corrupt for being a woman, for liking women, for being attracted and fascinated by femininity as someone who doesn't subscribe to it but is still a woman. maybe it's fine to just be me. the personal doesn't have to be The Most Morally Upstanding Choice at all times.

however this whole ordeal has made me keenly aware that the majority of people who *don't* subscribe to weirdly prescriptive notions of what being a woman has to be are trans women. seriously, most tme people on this website who talk at length about gender hold very prescriptive and judgemental views of womanhood and what is Moral regarding it and being exposed to all of this for years did not do good for my mental health and sense of self.

there was also the weirdness regarding people who detransition (which technically i did not do. because i was never given support and autonomy enough to transition in the first place and i will always resent that even if i feel i would've regretted it). the constant bringing up that actually the great majority of detransitioners are still trans and just don't have enough support, so we don't have to worry about such a small demographic (....familiar thought process, isn't it). and that made me feel like i would never be taken seriously at my word, at "backtracking", even if it is not, as my understanding of who i am is fuller than it's ever been

i am freeing myself from that fear and alienation. i don't have to be beholden by what anyone else thinks of me. the fear of judgement really is a fucking mind killer.

so i am fine. this is a good development for me. i am not your enemy and i would ask you not be mine in return.

sorry for huge fucking post. love from kira

[ectonurites]

I know Jason "came back to life" in the eyes of the public etc but like legit interested in your opinion on this because I'm just confused and interested in how he went about that, y'know? Like wouldn't it take him years? And who does he get to confirm its him and not some rando? IIRC Bruce didn't know he did that until the iceberg lounge thing which is weird if his son came back to life you would think he would testify or something sooner? I just don't know how it would work lol 😳🤔

SO you sent me down a reading rabbit hole. 

The thing about Jason’s situation compared to most situations irl is the fact that since he genuinely did die, there was a body and everything. That definitely makes it tricky. However, even though in our minds he was dead a super long time since he was killed in the 80s, he was only really gone for what’s probably 5 or so years by the time in RHATO he’s trying to ‘come back’. It being not even a decade is in his favor (I haven’t found a ruling for New Jersey specifically yet but in Ohio for instance a death ruling can’t be overturned if it’s been more than 3 years, so less time dead is better. But Ohio’s the only state i’ve seen the 3 year thing for so working with 5 should be okay here) 

Most cases about people needing to re-declare themselves alive that have happened irl I’ve found are either missing persons who were presumed dead after many years being away (the base line is 7, some states have it as less though), OR the more common situation of literally just clerical error on this thing called the ‘Death Master File’ (apparently like, nearly 40 people get declared dead by accident every day in the US! which is WHACK!) 

The grounds Jason would likely try to use is that it was a mistaken body (so somebody else) and he had actually just been missing all this time, which would kinda be a mix between a ‘fraudulent death’ claim and then the missing person type thing. Fraudulent death seems to be one of the harder ones to prove (because most of the time this category is more for people who purposely faked their deaths). In general, the fact that this happened with him as a child rather than as an adult, means there’s less cases I’ve been able to find that are even remotely similar but it also might help him out since there’s less precedent and also it’s more clear it probably wasn’t a like ‘get insurance money/run away from money owed’ scam. 

However, identity theft with dead people is like, a pretty common thing, so yeah proving oneself alive is not the easiest process in the world.

But most of the like, ‘things that make being declared legally dead even if you aren’t a really really bad and a lengthy process to fix’ are like, money related (social security, life insurance, bank accounts, property stuff, etc) and for someone like Jason who was 15 at time of death (so not married or owning property) and money apparently does not seem to be a problem for due to his various criminal activities, these wouldn’t be anywhere near as big of a deal. Like, sure a little inconvenient perhaps but definitely not entirely devastating like it can be for the real normal people that this kind of thing happens to. Also, when he bought the Iceberg Lounge, he bought it out from under the fuckin’ Penguin, so like, there’s already some shady shit going on there, so even if he was still in the process of ‘coming back to life’ he’d probably have been able to get that all started.

Also the ‘confirming it’s him’ thing as far as I’ve gathered from what I’ve read doesn’t... anywhere say it actually requires he bring someone from his life (Bruce) to verify it’s him? It’s way more about the combination of your presence & the documentation. So as long as he has photo ID and like as many of his official documents as possible (which. sneaking into the manor to steal his real passport from childhood and other documents like that i think is absolutely something he could/would do especially since like, earlier in RHATO 2016 it’s shown Bizarro’s door thing can literally get into the Batcave. I think it’s not unlikely to assume at some point he thought it could all come in handy and swiped ‘em) he could get the process going. This might differ since he was a minor at time of death but again every real case I’ve found so far was dealing with adults so I’m not sure.

Getting the US government to declare you alive though, like, from what I read can honestly be done as quickly as within a few weeks OR it can take years (but usually the ‘years’ there is more figuring out all that money and insurance related stuff, which again, not as big a deal for Jason specifically)

Another consideration I’d like to bring up is the fact that being presumed/found dead and later turning back up definitely happens a lot more in the DC universe than real life. Like, there’s supervillain attacks and world disasters and shit all the time. I think that realistically in the DCU there is probably a better system set up than IRL for handling cases like this, which would work in his favor.

I also think that due to the fact he was a relatively known person in Gotham, and we know Gotham’s systems are NOT the most uhhhh ‘by the books’ especially if theres public pressure and money being thrown at them, I pretty firmly believe he could have gotten it settled relatively quickly.

In real life it would be a lot harder due to the factor of the body, since he’d have to try to prove that wasn’t him even though it literally was, but liiiike unless Bruce had cashed in big on life insurance and didn’t have the means to pay it back (which this happened years before he lost the fortune LMAO) he should probably be fine, this is a comics world where most problems can be solved if you throw money at them (real life’s kinda like that too of course but comics take it to an EXTREME).

I do agree that Bruce would probably need to have been at least a little aware this was all happening, but for dramatic effect since this is in fact a comic book I understand why they had it be a surprise to him. A panel of Bruce getting a phone call from his lawyer wouldn’t have been nearly as effective as Jason just suddenly being on TV. Also like, I don’t think it’s impossible to rule out Bruce could have known he was in the process of legally coming back to life but not have known he was doing so in Gotham, because Jason being back in in the city was Bruce’s actual problem there.

Also funnily enough one of the cases of a person I found who was declared dead but is still alive was someone with the last name ‘Todd’, weird coincidence world. 

Some further reading about real cases of people coming back / things I might have referenced but wasn’t sure exactly where to link along the way: (one) (two) (three) (four)