#of course that 1 is my first language. because that makes such spectacular sense

[pink-pony-luv]

every few weeks i think abt how i can speak 2 languages but im stupid in my 1st

[thursdayinspace]

20 questions for 20 writers

tagged by @thatfragilecapricorn30 @randomfoggytiger and @baronessblixen thank you!! <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 21

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 70.063 -- this is my new AO3, so that's why it's still so low, haha.

3. What fandoms do you write for? Only X-Files now.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos? spectacular (glasses sex!), it's the day the world didn't end, from this morning forward (that makes me so happy), got you covered, wild side

5. Do you respond to comments? yes. if I ever don't, I'm sorry, it's not because i didn't love your comment, but i just don't get around to it right away sometimes. but i try to reply to every single one because i love them all.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? ohhh. i don't write super angsty endings . . . I guess mend into pieces bc it's season 2 and they know they're making a mistake, but we all know they'll figure it out eventually, so.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? they pretty much all end happily. i'm going to more or less randomly pick five ways to say i love you. because i loved writing that ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics? so, okay. there are two stories here i want to tell from an old fandom. one is funny. one is kind of great, really?

the funny one: i got a looooong comment on a fic, like several paragraphs long, going into great detail about why the fic sucked and why i sucked and why i had personally offended them by writing fic at all. they obvs meant to comment anonymously but forgot to log out. by the time i got to my computer, they had deleted their entire account. of course i had their name in the ao3 email. i laughed so hard at that.

the kind of amazing one: i got a very rude anon on tumblr, and i responded by saying i'd be happy to discuss their criticism, but i wasn't going to have a conversation with a hockey puck with sunglasses, and asked them to come off anon so we could talk. and they did! they showed up in my dms a short while later. we solved nothing and did not part as friends, but i actually have mad respect for that. wherever they are today, i hope they have taken some anger management classes and are doing well!

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? yeah, i certainly do. idk what kind? the porny kind? lol no i mean it's kind of lame but fun.

10. Do you write crossovers? i wrote a stargate atlantis/firefly crossover centuries ago but that was it. or maybe start trek with sth else, i don't remember.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? not to my knowledge.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? i don't think so, no.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? yes! it's so much fun and i would do it again.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? mulder and scully!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? i plan to finish all of them.

16. What are your writing strengths? it used to be dialogue but i don't think it is anymore. idk? i think i can create an atmosphere?

17. What are your writing weaknesses? i tend to repeat myself a lot and then skip over other things completely. i'm not good with transitions between scenes.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? i haven't done it, but if it would make sense for a fic, i might do it.

19. First fandom you wrote for? stargate atlantis. i was very late to the fanfic party.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written? it's called 'ellipsis' and is still with the beta. but of the ones i've already posted, either from this morning forward or yesterday's future.

Randomfoggytiger added additional questions:

1. Is writing a hobby or way of life? i mean it's a hobby but it's definitely also a way of life. there isn't ever a time when i don't think about writing and everything all the time connects in some way to a thing i'm writing and i can't imagine what i'd do without writing.

2. A journal full of writing notes or a clean, completed manuscript? completed manuscript! or notes? uhh . . . both?

3. Who (or what) is your writing inspiration? everything. random things. i can't think of one specific thing, it can be literally anything.

4.Which is worse: someone you "idolize" reading your first draft or listening to you sing? both thoughts are equally awful lol

5. Has writing from someone else's POV ever changed your own perspective? yeah, i think so. not in any big way, but about smaller stuff, just the way i look at certain things? yes.

6. Tumblr, AO3, LiveJournal, or FFN? ao3!!! my tinkerbell brain loves the comment section, haha. also it's just so much nicer to read on ao3 and there's the download option, so also as a reader, def ao3.

7. AO3 wordcount, and are you satisfied with it? 70.063 - no, i'm not satisfied with it. i used to write multi-chapters with more words. but it's a new account so yeah starting small again.

8. What movie/book/fic gripped you irrevocably? jasper fforde's 'thursday next' series. it's where i stole my name from. literary detectives? oh man. it's the kind of story where you wish you'd had the idea first. go read it!!!!!

9. What's the highest compliment you could ever be given, and have you been given it? i am really really lucky to have been given so many amazing compliments and i appreciate every single one. i couldn't say what means the most to me . . . probably when it's personal to the commenter? when someone tells me sth i've written touched them in some way. bc that's what i want to achieve.

10. What defines your writing style? lol idek man pretentious purple prose? i think i live somewhere between overuse of metaphors and focus on the rhythm of a text. i love writing in english bc it flows so nicely. idk is trying to make it sound nice a style bc then that's at least what i'm going for.

who hasn't been tagged? no pressure tags for @backintimeforstuff @nachosncheezies @actual-changeling and everybody else who wants to!

[adventures-of-the-creeping-bam]

NEVER SPLIT THE PARTY: THE ADVENTURES OF THE CREEPING BAM,  BOOK FOUR: THE HUNT - CHAPTER 13

If you’re new to the story, please go check out Book 1 first …

Boof 4 Chapter 1 is here …

IMPORTANT:  Please note this story includes content that may be considered mature, such as moderate battle violence, some strong language and occasional mild sexual scenes.

If you want to support my writing, feel free to swing by my Patreon or Ko-fi.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN:  SHAYLINE

When Kesla outlined the opening move in the plan, I thought she was making a somewhat off-colour joke, because it was just too ridiculous to be a real idea.  I laughed out loud, I couldn’t help it, it was actually funny, and I wasn’t the only one.  Art chuckled along with me, and even Tulen managed something like an amused smile, which I’ll admit was nice to see.  Others just looked surprised, even dubious, especially Krakka.  She just looked right back at me, completely serious.

No.  She genuinely meant it.  It left the rest of us kind of stumped for a minute or so, genuinely going over whether or not it would actually work.  I mean sure, it had the benefit of being unexpected, and it would certainly cause the right kind of chaos, but it’s also ridiculously dangerous.  I mean, the Late Bone is built on a dock.  There’s water under the boards and foundations.  Deep water.  Well, sort of deep, anyway.  Enough for ships to moor, at least.

But she meant it, and once we went over it a few times, it became clear that, risky move as it might be, there are benefits enough to just about balance the big risk.  If it works.  Even now, as we’re actually doing it, I’m very much hedging my bets …

Driver 8 hits the front of the building at full speed after charging from the very edge of the dock, just short of the water itself, on all fours.  He turns around at the last moment, so he can plough through backwards, skidding on his heels with his head down and shoulders hunched, and I swear, it’s like the ground floor took a direct hit from a trebuchet.  The whole dock shakes like an earthquake just hit, or maybe a ship’s run aground, and the entire tavern is instantly lost from view in a great cloud of dust and raining, shattered wood and masonry as the entrance implodes.  It’s a spectacular sight, and I skid to a stop seeing it happen, I’m too awed by what I just witnessed to keep charging after him.

“Hey!”  Art skids to a halt too, turning to face me as he regains his balance, arms out with sword and knife held wide and tail curled out high to maintain it.  “Shay!  You good?”

“Oh!”  I feel my face warming a little as I snap back to my senses, but given the exertion and excitement of the moment I doubt it shows.  “Yes, of course.  That was just … I still can’t believe we’re actually doing this.  Not like that, anyway.”

“Well we are, clearly.”  Dumoli comes thumping past with his hammer gripped in both hands in front of him, barely slowing enough to communicate.  “We’re committed now!  Best just to go with it!”

“He’s right, o’ course.”  Art starts to back up in the same direction, arms still held wide with weapons pointing in either direction.  “C’mon, fight won’t wait for you.”

He’s turned and gone before I can respond, and I just start running again, gripping my still sheathed sword at my side as I go, wanting to wait to draw until I really am committed.  The golem might just have ended the fight before it even started with that display.

Art and Dumoli are already in ahead of me as I arrive, disappearing into the cloying haze of dust, and I almost hesitate again before entering that, wary given how likely it is to deaden visibility for both friend and foe.  But then Zuldrad whips past me without stopping and I quit thinking about it, taking a breath before powering right into it, and now I draw.

The place is alive with noise and blurred movement, bodies shifting around me as anyone who wasn’t knocked down or even, probably, just turned into a wet smear by Driver 8’s entrance starts bolting in obvious fear and confusion.  I keep my eyes narrowed as I go, slowing down now as I become mindful that the floor under me is suddenly a good deal more uneven, and finally just stop on the spot, taking a moment to evaluate my surroundings, at least as much as I can.  Crap … maybe going in like this wasn’t such a good idea.

Then a shape blunders out of the gloomy haze right in front of me, and I almost attack before I even see what it is.  But I check myself at the last, at least enough to get the best look I can as I tense, tightening low as I bring my blade back and ready … and when I see a young half-orc male with a bruised face and broken nose stumbling, coughing towards me with empty hands I almost feel bad about how vulnerable he is.  So I don’t run him through like I initially planned, and instead turn my arm at the last on the stroke as he essentially just jogs right into it.  The pommel of Ashsong’s sword catches him hard in his jaw and his feet skid out from under him as he spits blood and broken teeth, flipping backward in mid-air as I follow through so he crashes down on his upper back with a great winded grunt, and doesn’t move again after.  I’m already moving on.

Then I hear a great crack behind me that has far too much force in it to simply be Lady Naru bringing her staff down to strike the boards under her feet, so when a great blast of air whips past me I just tense up, brining my arm up across my face at the last.  At least it keeps me from getting blinded as all the dust in the air is instantly blasted out in all directions, but then suddenly it’s clear again and as I bring my arm down again suddenly I can see the chaos perfectly.

Fuck … Big Man didn’t even slow down coming through, he just slid right on through and ended up right in the bar.  He’s on his arse now, or whatever he actually has that passes for one, he might even be wedged in the back wall now, while he’s partially buried in the debris of smashed stone and shattered wood from his passage.  That’s not stopping him from laying about with his hands though, and I suspect he started doing damage the moment he finally came to a rest, obviously not having to actually worry about being able to see in the dust.  As I take stock I see him reach out with one of his massive hands and plough a burly, balding middle-aged sailor-type into the floor with an unpleasantly wet crunch.  I look away as my stomach turns, again a little startled by just how fucking dangerous he actually is.

But there are others in here beside that unlucky bastard, living ones who weren’t unlucky enough to get run down by however many tons of careening golem.  I see Dumoli take the legs out from under one with a wild swing of his hammer, and the poor bugger drops face-first to the floor without even getting a chance to bring his arms up to cushion his fall.  Art, meanwhile, deftly sidesteps the desperate sword-stroke of one of the more alert thugs, dealing a particularly cruel underhand slash with my former sword while deflecting his friend’s awkward jab with his offhand knife.  Skipping aside, he throws his new opponent off-balance as he entirely fails to react in time and follows through with three alarmingly quick and precise jabs to his chest, dancing away before he’s even started to drop.

Seeing Zuldrad’s already making his own presence felt in here too, I instead move on through the open doorway in the middle of the wall into the other room, where Lady Naru’s already gone ahead.  I hear more sounds of surprise and shock, as well as the whoosh of metal and hefty hits landing, knowing even before I see her fighting that she’s lashing about with her staff, and as I watch she mutters something under her breath and one swing lands particularly hard.  Much harder than her more willowy frame has any right to as it lends strength to the strike, the very air seeming to flash under the impact as she takes three of her would-be attackers down in one go.  But there are plenty more in here besides, and while some are too startled to react just yet, still reeling from the surprise of our initial overwhelming entrance, others are already shaking off their shock.  So I go to work with more earnestness.

When the first one comes with his sword already drawn, I give up trying to play nice, stepping into a ready stance and taking a low, two-handed grip on my sword as I set my jaw.  This one looks like one of the younger ones, another half-orc, but I get the impression he’s one of the place’s resident security, a good deal steadier on his feet than some of the others around us, even so early in the day.  He barely bothers to read me as he comes, instead just rushing me hard with his sword brandished high, letting out a throaty war cry that I’m sure is intended to be intimidating, but having grown up in much fiercer company the effect’s lost on me.

So as he brings his sword down, intended to cut me down with a heavy sweeping chop, I simply sidestep and bring Ashsong’s sword up and around as I move, fully extending through the stroke as I complete my motion so it ends up held straight out in front of me.  Barely any blood on it at all, I see, but he’s already collapsing as it takes a moment to really start to gush, already limp as he doesn’t quite come apart since I didn’t fully cleave him in two but just powered hard through the centre of his chest and out the other side.  He hits with a heavy, wet thud and doesn’t move, and the two who were coming fast behind him are already faltering seeing how deftly I just annihilated their friend.

Taking a slow step back to straighten up, I cock my head in a quizzical way at them both as they start to rethink their strategy, keeping my face cool and calm, and this seems to shake them both a little more as they give each other a wary look.  Then one just frowns and rolls his eyes my way, the other scowling in response, before finally giving an angry nod as he lets out a frustrated sigh … and after turning back they wait a beat before both attacking at once.

Well, I have to admire their guts, and it’s smart enough thinking given they’ve both clearly worked out they’re facing a skilled opponent.  So I tighten up and let go with my left hand as I take two big steps back as they advance, already slipping one of my longest knives free while preparing to meet them both … and then feint hard to the right before ducking low left and, instead of attacking I just throw myself forward into a low roll right under the feet of the one coming in on that side.

He doesn’t even have a chance to stop himself as I take his legs right out from under him, and as I find my feet on the other side I’m already spinning round before I even think about springing up again.  The other one’s only now recovering from stumbling badly from his own overextension after falling for my feint, barely sidestepping in time to keep from getting barrelled down too as his friend goes tumbling, and I’m already bolting in low towards him.

At least he still has enough wit to back-peddle until he can get his shit together, but even then he barely gets his shortsword up in time to just knock aside the quick lunge I make with my sword for his gut.  Except I’m already twisting in response, and before he can bring the handaxe in his other hand round to chop into me I’m already shoving my knife in where I’d originally aimed my sword.  He’s a little shorter than me and no larger either, so he folds over the stab, my blade puncturing the wind right out of his diaphragm as I jam it in up to the hilt before giving a little twist, not intended to be cruel but just so I can yank it free without fuss.  Then I let him drop as I sidestep, already seeing his friend’s starting to recover now.

This one’s bigger, heavier but still built agile enough to give me pause, and as he turns round he spots me coming fast and springs back accordingly, similarly quick on the uptake as he realises my imminent threat.  I stop where I am, tightening up into a close defensive crouch, keeping my knife close to me while I hold the sword low but ready, idly weaving it back and forth between us with the ponderous steadiness of one of those fancy ticking clocks rich folk love so much.  He looks down at it now, brows furrowing deep as he watches my blade, and when he looks up again he’s even more wary.  Rethinking, and I wouldn’t blame him if he just decided to run this time.

He's an older one, too, human I realise now as I finally start to properly take him in, and while he’s a bit soft in the gut the way he holds himself is telling enough that he knows how to handle himself.  The longsword in his hand’s clearly seen a lot of use, but it’s been well looked after, and I see him he cautiously tilt enough to reach into his left boot, slipping a knife free for his offhand.  Yeah, this one’s a seasoned fighter all right.

All right, so I’ll play it smart.  As the chaos spreads around me and Lady Naru’s swinging her staff while the rest of them are either scattering or getting mown down with either magic or just pure violence, I take a few cautious steps to the side and start to circle him, and he shifts carefully in answer.  Still wary of my sword as I continue to play it back and forth, keeping my expression closed while I keep my eyes locked on his, watching for that early clue to any intention he might have.

Then the whole place shakes again as there’s another crunch from the other room before the sound of more scattering, smashing debris, and solid footfalls now to tell me that Big Man’s on his feet again and swinging with greater efficiency.  My opponent twitches, a little startled by the sound, and there’s that single beat where he’s momentarily distracted enough for me to see an opening, which I take.  I duck in fast and pull another feint to the left, intended to bait him as he catches the movement and realises his mistake, hopefully catching him out with another ruse as I then snap suddenly to the right again …

But he’s more on the ball than I thought he’d be, recovering before I can catch him in the side and instead twisting his offhand quick enough to hook my sword aside, and I draw back fast, not willing to give him a fresh opening to respond in kind.  Instead I whip a striking cut under with my knife aiming square for that wrist and he barely pulls back in time himself that I just graze him instead of laying his arm right open, so he keeps his blade, but as he pulls back his eyes are wide.  Lesson learned, clearly.

Giving my knife a little shake now to flick away the excess of blood it’s already wearing from the previous kill, I start to crab back the other way, no longer weaving my sword as I shift my stance to bring my own offhand down between us instead.  Shifting the sword behind me now, I take one more sidelong step and then dance back the other way with sudden, intentionally startling speed, and he has to scramble to respond as I spin quick on my heels and twirl in close on his side.  Swinging the sword as I come, I come close to catching him in the shoulder as he clumsily wheels away from the strike, barely bringing his sword up in time to batter it away, and now he’s unbalanced again and I plant my own feet firmly as I prepare my own responding spring.

He tries to ward me away with a wild haymaker as he fights to find his feet again, but I’m already tumbling past the stroke in a controlled roll, bringing my sword round as I come up on the other side to drive it hard up from right under his defences now.  He doesn’t have a chance to defend himself and, like the rest of these poor bastards, he’s not wearing a scrap of armour, so I lay him right open from his hip to the corresponding shoulder.  For a long moment he just sways in front of me as I finish the stroke and then draw back fast, giving the sword a hard flourish out to the side to whip the blade clean, then he finally realises I just killed him and starts to collapse.  I take one last step back as he topples forward, and he just lands hard face first, blades clattering across the floorboards as they slip from his slack fingers, and he doesn’t stir again after.

The other one’s still twitching on the floor nearby, I notice, but there’s an unnervingly large pool of blood spreading out from under him and his spasms are growing visibly weaker, clearly he’s not got much time left as he wheezes his life away.  Honestly, I’m not feeling that good about any of the kills I’ve made here, but now I’ve actually got a moment to think about it I realise this one in particular is going to stay with me …

Glass smashes behind me and I snap out of my grim reverie, turning to see some of the remaining clientele are trying to circumnavigate the main exit by smashing open the windows.  It’s proving trickier than they’d like, it looks like, since they’re small panes laid between wood and lead and all they have is chairs to try and batter their way through, but two of the bigger ones are still giving it a go while others are clustering around them.  Desperate for their own escape in the face of what’s going on around them.  Honestly, I don’t blame them, I’ve seen what the golem’s capable of and that entrance was probably the most terrifying thing any of these people have seen in their lives.

Taking a few steps that way, I hold my arms out wide with my blades cocked and stomp my foot hard down twice to get a little attention.  “Hey!  Are you trying to get away?  We’ve got business here, still.”

From the look of it, only a few of them are actually security like the others, so I’m mindful to just let the rest go, but we’re not about that here, anyone who doesn’t actively try to kill me could still be sympathetic to Jammund and his friends.  We need live captives to question, in case we come up empty on leads here.  So I take another step their way and whip my sword up at a scared woman in battered overalls, pointing it right at her face as I draw closer still, and she scrambles back, finally tripping and tumbling back into a chair that leaves her leaning back against the wall.  If she even tries to move now she’ll just end up flat on her back still in the chair.

“Thank you!”  I whip the sword aside now and two more of them jump back, similarly alarmed, one already following the woman’s example to plant herself, while the other does the same as soon as I motion for him to do it too.  Then I turn to the only two still trying to batter their way through the windows and plant my sword blade against the cheek of the one on my right while waving my knife in front of his companion when he wheels about in response.

“Ah … ah-ah-ah … that’ll do, lads.  None of that, please.  Just sit down, if you would.”

The second one just does as directed, lowering the chair in his hands to the floor and planting himself in it with exaggerated slowness, but the one I’m holding in place with my sword is wisely staying very still right now.  He’s watching me closely through the corner of his wide eyes, and there’s a lot of sweat dripping down his face now, so I give him a sharp glare for a few beats before carefully removing the point from his cheek and then waving the sword aside again.  I take a slow step back but swing the blade right back between us after as he starts to turn towards me, holding the chair close in front of him now like he’s planning on using it like a shield.  So I give it a little tap with the sword and then nod at the floor, and after a particularly pregnant beat he seems to get the message, setting it down with particularly exaggerated care before planting himself in it next to his companion.

“That’s better.”  I turn enough to take in the rest.  “All right, who’s armed?”

After a long pause, the two big ones raise their hands, the one I chastised particularly slow about it, and I give him a sharp look seeing it.  He’s scowling now, and I’ll admit I’ve a mind to give him a few shallow jabs in his thigh just to make him more compliant, but I stop myself.  Not now, Shay.  You don’t do that kind of thing anymore.  Instead I just wave the sword at him again.  “Take everything out, then.  Both of you.  Very slowly.”

For a moment they just look at each other, and I suspect they might be thinking about making a move after all, so I take a step forward again, lightly tapping each on the knee with the sword to regain their attention.  “Yeah, no.  I wouldn’t recommend that at all.  That would be really foolish.  Just do as you’re told, please.”

The more troublesome one just glares at me again, but the other one starts to comply, being really careful about it as he slowly draws his sword and plucks his knife out after.  So I turn to his friend and give him another very pointed look, waving my blade at the shortsword on his hip and the axe hooked into his belt on the other side.

“Please.”  I cock my head as emphasis, really drilling my hard stare into him now.

For another beat he continues to frown up at me, making me think he’s just going to ignore the request out of pure spite now, but finally he reaches across and, a little more aggressively than I’d really like, reaches down for both weapons at once and plucks them free.  I tense now as he starts to raise both, and make a point of letting him see me do it, and perhaps this is what finally checks him as he just holds them in front of him like his friend, giving me that hot, petulant glare.  “Now what?”

“Toss them all, please.”

“Where?”  the other one wonders, sounding more confused than anything else now.  He starts to look about.

“Well, you both got the ball rolling, so …”  I point with my sword again, this time at the hole they’ve managed to smash through the panes and mouldings.  “Out the window, if you would.  Just so you’re not tempted to try anything after.”

This just earns another hot glare from the uncooperative one, but his friend just sighs and turns in his seat, throwing both blades over his shoulder and through the hole.  After another protracted pause the other one does the same, first with the shortsword and then the axe, before finally turning back to glare up at me once again.  “Happy now?”

“Oh yes.  Ecstatic.”  I take a step toward him now and kick him hard in the face, smashing him hard with my heel as he’s barged clean backwards in the chair to thump down in it with his feet up in the air.  He starts howling almost immediately, both hands going to his now shattered nose as it starts gushing, and I let him just get it out for a few moments before leaning forward and prodding him in the crotch with the tip of Ashsong’s sword.  Not hard enough to cut him, but easily enough to get his attention.  Needless to say he shuts up instantly, bringing his hands away just enough that he can look up at me with wide, teary eyes.  Ooh … looks like I knocked a few teeth out too.

“All right.  Are we paying attention now?”

He doesn’t answer me, but the way he holds his hands a little higher in clear supplication is enough to keep me from jabbing his balls a little harder after all.

“Fantastic.  Stay right there, please.  Your long overdue cooperation is most appreciated.”

Stepping back, I look over the rest, pleased enough to see that, particularly after this last disciplinary measure, they’re all being similarly compliant.  As I look her way, the one in the overalls even leans forward enough to bring her leg up and pluck a knife from inside one of her boots, then very conspicuously tosses it through the hole in the window after the rest of the weapons.  The look on her face tells me she thinks I’m a fucking demon right now.

Satisfied that at least this handful won’t be any further trouble, I finally feel comfortable enough to turn my back on them so I can take the rest of the room in again, now a whole lot more aware how much quieter it’s gotten since we came in.  When I look now I find that Lady Naru’s stood in the middle of the room with her staff planted on the floor in her relaxed hand, the other laid casually on the hilt of the sword she still hasn’t had cause to draw yet, looking around at her own handiwork.  There are several battered bodies lying around her, most of them still twitching or rocking back and forth enough to let me know they’re still alive even if some of them weren’t groaning in obvious dazed discomfort, but one or two look like they might be dead too.  She clearly wasn’t holding back.

There are another half dozen patrons sitting in similar cowed silence against the walls, some watching her very carefully with similar startled wariness to my own prisoners, while others are just nursing more modest bruises of their own.  She turns my way now, almost like she’s just sensed my attention, and gives me a little half smile that seems more than a little self-satisfied as she notes my admiration of her prowess.  “Is that it, do you suppose?”  she wonders after a moment.

“Thorin, I hope so.”  I mostly just breathe it, stepping forward now so I can take a more purposeful look around the room.  I see the hearth stood at the back, unlit for now, and there’s another particularly battered looking half-orc lying stunned with his head right in the middle of it, who likely would’ve woken right up again once he started burning if it had been lit.  There’s a passage just to the left of it, I see, wide enough to let three people step through abreast, and there are stairs turning up to the side to climb up beyond.   The second floor.  Where Yeslee and Brung should have gone, according to the plan.  Jumping in through one of the upstairs windows from their position on the roof when Driver 8 made his big loud entrance.

“You two all right in here, then?”  I hear Art call out before I turn back, seeing him stepping into the room from the main one now, Dumoli already following him with his hammer laid across his shoulder, looking almost jovial now.  As if he’s pleased to have finally been involved in an actual fight again instead of just getting battered or worse.

“Well enough, all things considered.”  I respond, taking a moment to stick Ashsong’s sword into the floor before giving my knife a last little shake, then crouch down next to one of the bodies at my feet.  The last one I cut down, I realise.  Damn it … taking a rather regretful breath, I reach out and grab a bit of the back of his jerkin, using it to wipe the blade clean before slipping the knife back into its sheath.  Then I pluck the sword free and, after a moment to decide if I really want to, check the strangely crystalline blade over.

Just as I expected, the blood that did catch on it in the sheer speed of my blows is already disappearing, the enchantment in the steel again hungrily drinking it in to strengthen itself.  I can’t keep from shuddering seeing it, letting a low hiss out through my clenched teeth as I step towards the bakaneko now and muttering:  “Fucking vampire sword.”  under my breath.

Art looks up as I take care sheathing the sword again, which still feels a little counter-intuitive given how hard da always drummed it into me to never put a bloody sword back in its scabbard for fear of it sticking.  “You all right?”

I’m a moment answering him, mindful he must be picking up on my grim mood, and I’m really not sure how to respond, really.  I’ll admit when this all started I was itching for a real, stand-up fight again, against living, normal adversaries, instead of that nightmare we faced last night, but … now it’s done it doesn’t sit well with me.  As I turn to take a quick look over the handful I managed to take prisoner, I feel something like shame stirring in me.  It’s … honestly, I don’t like how easy it felt to slip back into old habits when I had to harangue and intimidate them into obedience.  It felt a little too much like the old days, working the bandit trade with my mother.

“This better be worth our time.”  I finally growl, looking down at the poor bastard I left bleeding out on the floor.  Conspicuously still now, I notice.

“I couldn’t say.”  he sighs, what good humour he had when he came in fading fast in the face of my much darker mood.  “Just gotta hope, right?  Remember who we’re doing this for.”

Nodding, I let out a weary sigh.  He’s right, of course.  Remember Gael, just help our friend.  That’s all that matters here, right now.

Krakka steps in with Zuldrad close behind, almost seeming like he’s shadowing our cleric right now, which is an interesting idea.  It’s almost like he’s taking what I said to him earlier especially to heart, when I asked him to keep an eye on the tengu while we were at this.  He’s steady enough on his feet now, but … honestly, he still seems to look uncomfortable all the time now, like moving’s still difficult, as if his joints are stiff and his head’s sore.  Like he’s feeling his age even more now.

I mean it’s not hard to pick up on as he enters, glaring all around with a particularly dark frown on his face, and he hasn’t shouldered his hammer like usual, instead just lugging it about one-handed like a piece of particularly cumbersome luggage.  Like it’s an actual burden, which I’m starting to learn is never a good sign.  Bloodmoon is his most personal symbol of his connection to his goddess, and despite its obvious substantial heft he’s normally able to wield it as if it was no heavier than a weapon far smaller and more wieldy.  I worry he’s still feeling the after-effects of his overexertion from last night, which would mean he’s having a much tougher time recovering.

Our eyes meet after a moment, and at least he manages to hold my gaze, but I think he can tell what I’m thinking, how worried I am about him.  So he looks away first, instead hefting Bloodmoon so he can let it settle beside him, head down with the shaft sticking up like he prefers, and he does it with a noticeably winded grunt he really can’t hide.

When I back turn to Art I realise he’s been watching me, like he’s picked up on my regard too, and he winces a little, letting me know he’s worried too.  Great …

“So how about upstairs?”  Zuldrad wonders after a moment, sounding a bit like he just wants to get us thinking about something else.  “D’you reckon they’re good?”

“Well it’s a good deal quieter up there than I’d imagine if there was trouble.”  Art ventures, looking up at the ceiling now, and I follow his gaze.  “Besides, Yeslee’s tough as Kesla, she could prob’ly take a roomful all on her own.  Brung’s almost overkill for this.”

“I hope so.”  I mutter, more to myself, as I notice all the light coming through the arched doorway between these two rooms is almost immediately blotted out as Driver 8 crouches down just on the other side so he can look through at us.  Likely judging whether or not he can actually fit through.  Probably sideways, it seems about wide enough.

He shifts subtly now, and I wonder if he might be looking up too, I really can’t tell given the fact that he can’t actually turn his head, it seems more like a careful shift of his shoulders.  Then there’s a great heavy thump from above, followed by a lot of similarly loud crashing, and suddenly I hear several people starting to shout out at once, some genuinely screaming in very obvious fear and alarm.  Oh, that can’t be god …

“What the fuck is that?”  Art’s already starting to shift warily towards the stairs, looking up like everyone else in this room, and he’s gripping his blades tight.

“There is an orc upstairs.”  Big Man rumbles now, matter-of-fact as always, but even so he’s starling to work his way as carefully as he can through the doorway.  “An extremely large one.  He is being very aggressive indeed.”

“Shit …”  Art’s eyes instantly snap to mine, and I feel a cold chill run right through me.  Damn it, I’d all but forgotten about that not-so-little snag.  “Of course he is.”

“Fuck!”  the bakaneko doesn’t wait for permission as he just rushes straight for the stairs and starts climbing at speed.  I’m already starting that way myself when I see someone else topple into view down the stairs behind him, and it takes me a moment to realise they must’ve been shoved aside in his hurry to get up there.  Two more emerge quickly after as this one picks himself up and staggers for a few feet before collapsing by the hearth with his chest heaving heavily, and one of them takes a tumble before she reaches the bottom step too, almost bringing the other one down with her.  They’re clearly panicked, their faces pale and eyes wide, like they’ve seen some terrifying monster on the rampage, and I suspect that’s not far from the truth.

Stopping where I am, I look back to see the others are coming after me too, and then I remember the prisoners.  “No!  Not now.  I need some of you to stay here, guard them.”

Considering for a beat, I can hear the chaos still unfolding above, and there are more spilling down the stairs now, only stopping when they come face to face with the golem as he now crouches right in front of the doorway.  Finally I nod to Zuldrad, then Lady Naru.  “Come on.  I need you two.  Du, Krakka, you watch them.”  I point right at Krakka as he starts to open his beak, knowing he’s about to protest, and I don’t have time.  “No.  I mean it.  Stay with Big Man.  If we do need you you’ll know soon enough.”

Before he can respond to that I’m already turning and heading for the stairs.  The trickle of escapees seems to have stopped now, at least, but I’m really not sure if that’s a good sign or bad right now.  I hear a great crunch close by as I start pounding up the rickety stairs, which shift and warp alarmingly under my feet as I go but at least stay intact enough for me to climb, and there’s still some shouting coming from up there too.  Not so much as before, though.  I take that as a bad sign.

There’s another floor above this one but it’s clear to me even before I reach the landing that this is the level I want as I see a body essentially crumble into the doorway directly across from me as I reach the top of this flight of stairs.  Honestly, I really can’t identify who that used to be, they’re just a broken, bloody mangle, but … no, I don’t think it’s one of my friends.  Or maybe I just hope not as I rush inside, heart in my mouth, sending up a prayer to Thorin as I clear the door that I’m not about to just run right into a hit …

… I come damn close as I enter the room, but I see the swing coming just in time to duck, throwing myself forward and not so much rolling underneath the big spiked mace as just tumbling onto my back against the wall to the side.  The big metal head crunches hard into the doorframe right where I would have been and lodges there, but as I look up I realise I wasn’t the actual target, instead I just got damn near caught out by a missed backswing.  I’m not even given a moment to take in the room and what’s actually going on in here before I have to throw myself aside, almost going sprawling all over again as I duck behind what’s left of a long couch.

Just as three javelin-long black arrows lodge themselves hard in the wall right by where I was.  I hear a fretful hiss of:  “Shit!”  right after, and when I look up I can just see Yeslee ducking aside as she just casts her bow down and leaps aside herself on the other side of the room, barely missing a far more focused swing from a massive battleaxe.  I’m not sure if that oath was in response to seeing how close she came to killing me or just in anticipation of nearly getting cut down herself.

Scrambling along the wall on hands and knees with my backside tucked as low as I can, I move as deep as I can into what cover there is, although really it’s little more than kindling and torn upholstery now, it’s like every piece of furniture here has been destroyed.  Pretty thoroughly too, crushed, torn or carved apart by wild swings of large blades wielded by huge thick fists.  And when I’m finally comfortable enough in my cover to actually look up I see whose.

My suspicion over Big Man’s earlier prediction seems to have been accurate, Granzun’s up here and he is pissed.  Art and Zuldrad’s former friend is laying about with wild abandon, one hand now empty having abandoned his mace but as I watch he finally reaches up with his dominant hand and drags an axe off his back to supplement the one he’s already got.  And from the look of it he’s still got plenty more steel still on him, too, hanging at his waist or on his back, or strapped to either thigh, all within easy reach of his uncannily quick hands.

I remember all too well what he was capable of when we last faced him, in the rain in that abandoned livery stable.  He’s even more terrifying in the cold light of day, pouring now through the badly broken windows facing out across the docks, especially clad in his thick black leather armour, more substantially upgraded with extra pieces of substantial steel plate now, I notice.  Shit … he seemed worryingly hard to kill before, now it looks like an even tougher prospect with all that.

Whoever was left up here that didn’t make it downstairs when this all kicked off is dead now, I can see there are no more survivors up here aside from Yeslee and Brung, and now Art too, each doing their best to just keep out of his way as he keeps swinging.  The rest are little more than broken, cleaved chum, scattered about the room much like the furniture, no corpses left in one piece in the gigantic orc’s rage.

Now I’m looking, though … no, I don’t think rage is the right word for it.  He’s angry, sure, but once I start examining his tactics I realise this is a good deal less wild and haphazard than I first thought.  He’s swinging wide with these great haymakers, but they’re a good deal more precise than they might seem to a casual eye, intended to keep us at very long arm’s length and on our back feet as he opens as much space as he can around himself.  And the fact that he isn’t bleeding yet, and doesn’t have any of Yeslee’s long arrows buried in him, tells me he’s moving with impressive enough speed to keep from getting hit while his three similarly swift opponents have been going at him.

As I look now I see Zuldrad finally clear the door and he immediately ducks as he throws himself to the floor, turning over what’s left of a table as he barely dodges a reactive swing from the right-hand axe.  They’re typically scary blades, clearly as well made as the rest of the orc’s weaponry, obviously forged by the same Thieves Guild weaponsmiths that armed Art in the same dark, smoky steel that I’m really coming to admire.  But I’m having trouble in this case, being on the wrong end of it right now.  As I watch Zuldrad throws himself under Granzun’s feet as he shifts them, and as he tumbles through he’s got two knives out, intent on slashing at the orc’s ankles and maybe hamstringing him, potentially bringing him right down for the rest of us …

Except that instead his former friend’s already sidestepping, so his blades miss one leg while the other swings round with such perfect precision that it drives a hard kick into his back and sends him tumbling across the rest of the room.  He hits the wall just under the broken windows with a hefty thump and I’m sure I hear something crack too, but the orc’s next move grabs my attention too well for me to check on our hobgoblin friend.  Because Granzun turns his sudden turn into another swing, this one coming in much closer to the wall where Yeslee is, so when he follows through on the back of his spin he just carves his offhand axe about hard and with uncanny speed.  Right for her back as she hurls herself forward too.

Fuck … a hair’s breadth quicker and he might have ended her right there, but she’s just too swift, instead tumbling out from under his axe as it tears a deep, dusty groove into the plaster and stone of the wall instead with a great shower of sparks raining down.  Finally managing to unhook her hatchet as she recovers, she backs up fast towards the further wall to open some space to regroup as she breathes heavy.  Not winded, just a little shook, I can tell from her unusually wide eyes.

Then something ripples through the air from the doorway and I see a great streaking glob of bright blue energy smash into the wall too, hitting hard enough the shake the place, I feel … but Granzun’s already wheeled out of the way, dancing on unbelievably deft feet as he sidesteps towards me now.  As though he already knew he was being shot at and ducked out of the way of Lady Naru’s magical bolt without ever being in any danger at all.  Certainly the way he still seems so calm … no, he’s still very much in control of this situation …

Damn it … I draw Ashsong’s sword now, remembering the enchantment Stormshield said had been placed in this uncanny steel, specifically designed to cleave through plate steel armour as if it was cloth.  I can hurt him, I know I can.  If I can just hit him.

Lady Naru’s frowning deep as she sidesteps from the doorway towards Yeslee, muttering something in clear frustration under her breath as she starts fishing in her components bag.  Looking for something more effective, of course.  I called her up here entirely because I knew we’d have a better chance of taking him out with a mage’s help, I just hope she finds something that’ll actually do the trick.  He looks … honestly, this looks like one hard job.

Then Art steps forward, holding his blades out wide, like he wants to parley instead of fight, and plants himself conspicuously between the orc and the sorcerer.  “Gran!  C’mon mate!  Please, just give it a rest, this is stupid.  You don’t wanna fight us, you won’t win.  I promise you, this won’t end well for you.  Just drop the axes and quit.  Please.”

For a charged moment, nobody moves or says a word, just waiting as the huge orc stays as he is, cautiously regarding the comparatively diminutive bakaneko he once called a friend.  I’m just hoping it might actually work, that maybe he’s actually got through to him this time, although given our past experiences it seems unlikely.

Then Granzun flings the axe in his right hand at him, underhand so it spins at him almost entirely horizontal, aiming to cut him in half.  He does it almost casually, but so suddenly that it’s entirely unexpected, so I don’t even move when it happens, it takes me so much by surprise.  I’d almost expect it to kill Art on the spot, but somehow he barely catches it in time and doesn’t bother trying anything fancy, just dropping into a tight crouch with his head tucked right down at the last instant.  The axe goes spinning right over the top of him, still moving so fast I’m kind of amazed I even pick up on it in the first place.  And Lady Naru is right in its path now …

Now I start to move, I can’t help it.  I’m not really sure what spurs me into motion, gods know I couldn’t hope to get to her in time given how far I am from her, but my body’s moving before I even start thinking about it.  But it looks like Yeslee’s doing the same.

Yeah, she just reaches out and grabs hold of the sorcerer’s shoulder, digging her fingers right in as she yanks her towards her without any ceremony at all, and she must not have thought about it either because they both just go down together in a tangle.  Meanwhile the axe keeps tumbling right through the space where she would’ve been before and imbeds itself deep into the wall in a great spray of shattering plaster and brick shards, finally lodging fast at a quivering angle.  Then time finally seems to snap back to normal speed again, or I suppose it just does that for me, I can’t really be sure … and a whole mess of things all happen at once.

Granzun’s already turning, swinging his remaining axe over and aside so he can try to chop down into Brung as the goblin scrambles at him at an oblique angle, his shortsword cocked and ready with a particularly feral snarl baring his fangs and flaring his nostrils.  Meanwhile Yeslee barely manages to arrest both her own and Lady Naru’s fall enough that they instead just flounder into the wall, managing to tangle up in each other’s arms while they both drop their weapons.  Zuldrad’s managing to find his feet again, but he looks pretty shaky, almost doubled over with a clear lean to his left, and I doubt he’ll be good for much right now.  Even if he wasn’t bleeding heavily from the back of his head …

And as I look towards our mutual foe I remember his other, now empty hand and see he’s plucked something from his belt … and I realise it’s not a weapon.  Or at least not one I immediately recognise.

While his axe-swing misses Brung by bare inches, he’s already crushing whatever it is in his huge right hand, and it cracks before he winds up his arm and pitches the object towards Yeslee and Lady Naru.  I barely get a glance at it as it arcs their way, but it looks like one of those strange, oddly glittering warlock stones, like the ones Ashsong gave to my friend Garnon and some of the others back in the mountains.  Back in the time before all this … oh shit, I’m too late recognising it and making the connection, but seeing it starting to subtly glow as it hurtles towards my newer friends lends speed to my movements as I change course.

There’s nothing I can do about that, or about what it might do to my friends, so I just shout:  “Watch out!”  good and loud and instead head right for Granzun instead, cocking my sword as I rush him.  Not looking to do anything fancy, I just want to finish this as quickly as I can.

Yeslee barely picks up on my warning in time, but she reacts as quick as I would have expected, giving Lady Naru a good hard shove to toss her away from her while she just braces where she is, still fallen back against the wall.  So when this thing, whatever it is, hits the floor right in front of her all she can do is just raise her hands in front of her and wince …

It pops about the same instant I try to drive the whole length of Ashsong’s sword into his exposed side, so I almost don’t actually see what it does because I’m so intent on hitting my target.  I barely manage to catch a flash and a crackling whoosh as something wild and crazy bright seems to lance out from it, haphazard enough to leave afterimages dancing in my eyes even though I’m not really looking.  I’m just concentrating on my attack.

Except I shouted out to try and warn my friend like an idiot, I realise now, so he already knew I was coming and instead manages to bring his arm round in time … so I just impale that instead.  The blade slips through the hard steel of his bracer like it was made of butter, slipping right out the other side of his wrist, and he pulls it back instantly as his blood spurts in my face, which is understandable, I don’t doubt it fucking hurts.  The problem is I’m still holding onto my sword as it’s jammed right through his arm, and he must have close to two hundred pounds on me, so he yanks me right off my feet in the process.

For the next few moments I’m not really sure what the fuck is going on as I’m flailed about like a ragdoll while I cling to my sword with both hands as he tries to shake me off.  I can hear him roaring too, though:  “Bitch … oh you FUCKING CUNT!!!  AAAAAARGH!!!”  Then I feel my feet make contact with the floor, just for an instant, and it’s barely enough to give me some leverage so I just twist the blade and suddenly I’m free.  But also entirely off balance as the momentum I’m still carrying pitches me headlong over the same bloody couch I was just hiding behind a few moments before.  I just have enough presence of mind to let go of my sword so I don’t impale myself before the floor rushes up to meet me and my face smashes into it at a very high speed indeed …

TO BE CONTINUED ...

[gojology]

Teddybears and Shitty Cards.

back to homepage pairing : yuuji x gender neutral reader warnings : minor cursing, fluff wordcount : 1529 a/n : i hope i did u yuuji stans justice .. probably not but this is rlly good for my characterization :) also i thought that gojo wasn’t as well loved as megumi/yuuji/nanami etc but holy shit i thought wrong. my megumi and nanami fics got little to no attraction, or maybe i write them horribly, idk. is gojo satoru the best husbando in jjk? (the answer is yes.) also uh.. i didnt proof read this ████████████████  100% Complete. Enjoy your game.

     “Itadori!” you yell, panting, cupping your hands together around your mouth to amplify your voice. He had asked you prior to meet with you for Valentines in this particular park, most likely because it was Valentines day.        You had to admit, his selection in nice places was clearly defined. The views from the hill you and him sat upon was spectacular, you could see the city in it’s whole. This was amplified with the setting of the sun, a hazy beautiful orangey-yellow gradient was all the eye could see from up here.       It was definitely worth the walk up the steep hill, and you took a much needed seat and breather on the painted wooden bench, pulling out your water bottle you take a long swig, wiping the sweat off your brow as you did so.       You took a quick sneak peek at Yuuji, who was humming a tune, earbuds in. Shielding your eyes with your hand, you leaned closer into his shoulder. His thumbs were fumbling with something, which you now realized was a Nintendo Switch.       “Watcha playing?” you ask, breathing in his scent. Remnants of candy and baked goods filled your nose.        Yuuji didn’t say anything back, instead continuing to hum and mumble a few lyrics, lost in his own world.       It was only until you impatiently tapped at his broad shoulders to pay attention to you. He jolted up, looking left and right before finally realizing you were sitting next to him. Taking a deep breath in, he cheerfully smiled before taking one of his earbuds out.       “Hey! You came early~ are you excited to see me?” he questioned, setting his Nintendo Switch into his backpack before picking up what seemed to be a bag right next to him.      “Of course! Why wouldn’t I be, baby?” you reply back, grinning, deciding to pay no mind towards this bag. Yuuji was quite popular, especially revolving sports or something along the lines of that. Many famous coaches had said that he possessed super-human strength, and he had been showered in contracts with sport teams not long after those few words.       In return, this caused Yuuji to be insanely busy with many interviews and pelted with multiple adult-y stuff to do, which had hurt you exceptionally. It greatly hindered the relationship between you two. Weekly visits turned into monthly, and you couldn’t bare to see him drown in all his work. He was a busy guy, but yet always so carefree, and you didn’t want that carefree childish aspect of him to disappear. After all, that was something you loved about Yuuji.       He looked up at you with a reassuring beam, and you felt yourself melt under those warm eyes. “Aww, that makes me happy, (Y/N). Scratch that, you make me happy!” facing you, he gave you a quick peck on your cheek. Your heart bursts, it had been too long since you felt that specific thing, and you give him a gentle kiss back, running a hand through his fluffy hair.       “I missed you. It’s been too long since I’ve talked to you, lovebug. Schedule is jampacked. But I met some nice friends along the way, and my coach is super nice!” he rambled on, fumbling with the handles of this mysterious bag.       “Oh? How so?” trying to make conversation, you want to appear as interested as he talked about his coach, but you were focused on his outfit and how he looked in general.        He had gotten way more stronger, you noted. He was much more scrawnier when you two first started dating, and you wondered how his cuddles might feel like. Something that didn’t change though, was his horrible fashion sense. Wearing a turquoise t-shirt with a lemon yellow jacket over it, you almost winced. Yuuji dressed like a 6th grader who had their mom pick out clothes for them.        “...And he annoys the absolute shit out of his co-worker, Utahime. It’s funny! I also met this guy named Nanami and I have no idea how my coach and Nanami are friends. Nanami always looks like he’s on the verge of murdering him whenever he opens his mouth to speak! Oh and also me and my coach made Valentine cards together and I worked really hard on it and I just know you’ll like it! Also-”       “Alright, alright. That’s a mouthful.” you sang sarcastically, Yuuji awkwardly laughed and rubbed his hand against the back of his neck, looking at you like you had caught him stealing a cookie out of a jar at 12 AM.       “Sorry. I get carried away a lot.” he says, peering into the bottomless pit inside the bag. You couldn’t quite see what was inside of it.       “No, no. I think it’s cute, Yuuji-san! I didn’t forget how you acted in the span of 1 month, why would I be dating you if I thought you were annoying?” hoping this’ll knock some sense into him, you closely examine his body language for any changes, hoping that went through his mind.       You had to make sure, the guy was dumb when it came to social cues.       “Ohh, really?” he looked up, pointer finger on his chin, a confused expression covering his features. “I didn’t know, I’ll act more annoying for you then!”       Smacking your forehead, you studied your shoes, too giggly to look at him eye-to-eye. “That’s not what I meant, idiot.”       “...What did you mean then?” Yuuji quizzed, tilting his head to the side. You really couldn’t tell if he was joking or not, you’d think that all sport players would be brutes and be masculine and perhaps... Not stupid? But here you were.       “No bother.” waving your hand as a dismissal of the conversation, you instead lean towards the bag he was holding, fluttering your eyelashes. “What’s this?”       “It’s a surprise~” he responded, obviously giddy. You felt yourself soften once more, how could someone be so cute just answering a question?        “Hey, come on!” tugging on his arm, you try to yank the bag away, curiosity killing you. His grasp was firm, and he laughed as you did so, it felt good to hear him laugh like that again.         “Okay, okay! Fine. Here, go at it.” handing you the bag, you practically ripped the handles off, ecstatic to see what could possibly be waiting to be discovered.          Inside was an incredibly large teddy bear, soft. The color was almost exactly the same shade of Yuuji’s, and you squeal, hugging the plush.          “Awww! This is so cute! I woulda never believed you’re smart enough to get a good gift for me!” you joked, he caught the sarcasm this time, giving you a confident grin. He liked the compliments.          “It’s supposed to be me.” placing a hand onto his chest dramatically. “I don’t know if you realized though.”          Scoffing, you put the teddybear to the side. “Of course I’d realize! I’m not dumb, Yuuji-san!”          “Why not? We could be dumb together! Also, there’s something extra at the very bottom that I think you’d like.”          Blinking, you realized that you had completely forgotten about the bag between your legs. Looking back down and rummaging for what possibly could be there, you pull out a card.          On the front, there’s a tacky lopsided heart, made with glitter glue. It seems there are also many failed attempts of starting this large heart at the sides of it. At the top, there’s a large, “Happy Valentines Day!” in red marker that was also uneven. Underneath the heart? A stick figure drawing of you and Yuuji, which was also... Pretty horrible.         Stifling a giggle, you open the card, eyes scanning the left for anything, you turn to face the right as soon as you deem it clear. That’s where the writing is.         Dear Y/N,          I love you very much and I know I do not spend that much time with you anymore but you still make me very happy. My coach was very nice and gave me Valentines day off because he felt bad.      I had to run to the nearest drugstore to get you this teddybear, but me and Mr. Coach decorated this together! He says he’s a very good drawer and I agree. I think the drawing is very detailed. He also helped me with the heart (we picked out the color together) and we had a lot of fun decorating. He says my handwriting looks really bad (is that true?) can you please help me fix it later? :(                                                                           With a lot of love,                                                                              Your Boyfriend and Gojo Satoru (his cool coach that helped him write this, thank me later. I have no idea how you handle this guy, but God is he such an amazing kid.)      Looking back up from the card, you look at Yuuji, who is looking at you back, squeamish. Without another thought, you kiss him, soft and light ones on his forehead, his cheeks, his lips, everywhere on his face. When you finally pull away, both of you are staring at each other fondly.        “Yes, I’ll help you fix your handwriting, dummy.”         Yuuji gave you a toothy smile that he only saved for the special ones in his life.

[prettywordsyouleft]

Bloodstone | Part 3

Summary: You knew all about the ring your grandmother had told you about and yet when the stone fell from it one fateful day, you weren’t truly prepared for its return, nor who it came back with.

Pairing: Kim Namjoon x reader

Genre: fantasy / romance

Warnings: none

Index: Prologue | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

You checked three times that you were no longer dreaming. Still, the purple-haired man stood before you each time. Peering more closely at his unique outfit, you became further convinced of Yoongi’s story-telling earlier.

He looked at you with equal parts of curiosity and caution. It was during this moment of examination that you noticed his first couple of buttons to his shirt were undone and glowing light emanated from within his chest.

This wasn’t boding well.

“Just who are you?”

“Are you the host? Are you the one who captured me with this bloodstone?”

“You… you know of the stone?” you questioned, taking a sudden step forward. The strange man moved back, knocking into a stack of books clumsily.

Looking between you and the mess he had just created, the man sighed. “I’m sorry, let me clean-”

“It’s okay; we’ll get to that after. The bloodstone, have you seen it?”

“So you did release it then,” he murmured in response and you let out an indignant scoff.

“Release it? I wore that ring for fifteen years and it chose to leave on its own. If I had it my way, now knowing what kind of ring it is, I wouldn’t have accepted it from my grandmother as a child.”

“You wore it that long?! But it’s dangerous!” He was wildly looking you over then and you grimaced, reaching to smooth down your bed hair.

His actions prompted you to take in a steadying breath before smiling weakly. “My name is Y/N and you are?”

“Namjoon,” he answered, looking at the hand you had outstretched towards him in thought. He then held out his own arm towards you but not taking the chance to shake it.

You frowned. “You’re not from here, are you?”

“I’m not human, no.”

“Wait, I was expecting a different country or something, but did you just tell me you’re not human? Are-- are you an alien then?”

“What’s that?”

Your eyes nearly popped out of your head and you clasped your forehead within your hand as you dashed to sit down at your desk. “Purple hair, strange clothes and says he’s not human. Where’s Yoongi when I need him?”

“Yoongi?” he repeated and then casually scanned your room. “You have a vast library of fantastic titles.”

“I do? Most of these books are from my grandmother and are in a different lang-”

You stopped then, realising the great difference between you and Namjoon. You had been speaking now for the last few minutes with relative ease, but it didn’t feel as if his words were spoken in the same language as your own. It was as if he spoke in his own native tongue and your brain was translating it on the spot.

What was going on?

“I need a coffee,” you announced, getting up from the chair shakily and heading towards the kitchen. Namjoon scampered along behind you, letting out a delighted sound when you flicked on the light switch. You chose to continue looking forward instead of back at the puzzle he presented and moved into the kitchen to grab a mug from the overhead cabinet.

Namjoon came closer, leaning around you to watch your actions. It unnerved you but not in a negative way. You held up your mug. “Do you know what this is?”

“Of course I do, you drink from it. I may not be human but I do come from civilised lands.”

“Okay then, do you want a drink too?”

“Of your brew you’re making in that strange bowl?”

Looking at the coffee machine you had turned on, you moved across the kitchen and reached for your tea collection. You weren’t so sure coffee would be a wise idea for someone who didn’t know what it was. Making the hot drinks, you then moved to the small round table in your living space, placing one across the table and gesturing for Namjoon to take a seat. He sat down distractedly, staring at his surroundings in awe.

Once you had a decent mouthful of coffee, you rapped your knuckles on the tabletop to gain his attention. “So, what are you then?”

“I guess, as the book called, a divinity.”

“So a God?”

Namjoon laughed. “Oh no, I’m not from above.”

“Then?”

Maybe I am from a different country. Far away. Where no humans exist.”

“That makes no sense but I’ll humour you at four in the morning. How old are you?”

“With the last solstice, I am now two hundred and thirteen years old.”

You merely blinked at his answer and then looked down at your coffee cup in suspicion. When you realised he wasn’t smiling and had answered with ease, you let out a hollow laugh. “Right, over two hundred years. Because that’s plausible.”

“The elder of my village is nearly a thousand years. He has endured a long existence.”

“He sure has.” You felt faint, clasping your head in your hands and drank more of your coffee in hopes it would ground you from his nonsensical answers.

Maybe you had been fooled. After all, Namjoon could have broken into your house as you slept and was now playing along with you. You were tired and had an over-reactive mind after your ordeal yesterday.

You nodded softly, trying to convince your frazzled thoughts of this fact. You would just ring for the police and they would take this strange intruder away from you and it would all just end there.

Except you knew the glow from his chest meant something more to you. In fact, it was that red glow that made you feel at ease.

As if you were around something you were familiar with.

“The bloodstone,” you started as you blinked rapidly, looking at Namjoon again. “Did you see it?”

“See it,” he repeated, finally holding his gaze upon you for more than a second’s glance. His lips pressed together in a firm line before he expelled a heavy breath. “Surely you can see it right now as well?”

“It’s in your chest?”

“I believe so.”

“How did it get there?” you wondered and Namjoon tensed, letting out an awkward laugh.

The sound eased you some.

“By a series of unfortunate events.”

“You’re not hurt from it, are you?” you suddenly asked, reaching over towards his exposed chest and touching the stone.

The impact was immediate. Flashes of Namjoon’s life flooded your mind. You saw him as a child with a young girl and an overbearing father figure hovered nearby in every scene. You watched as his father passed away, and many moments of Namjoon inspecting gemstones. And then you were brought to his final moments in his studio, feeling the heady desire the stone had cast over him.

It was enough for you to pull back then, knowing you had seen and felt too much.

Namjoon was staring back at you with round eyes, unmoving even though you had recoiled back into your seat. He eventually blinked out of his stupor. “You lost your mother recently.”

“And your father has also left you,” you lamented, both nodding in answer.

“The stone is back but I didn’t expect it to come attached to someone in quite a literal way.”

“I guess I will have to impose on your kindness for some time now,” Namjoon mentioned softly and you nodded once.

There was too much moving around in your mind.

The sun had risen in the sky and he watched it for the first time through a windowpane. Unlike back in his land where all homes were on the ground, your residence seemed suspended halfway to the heavens itself. Whilst he had no understanding of how or why, watching the sun send its rays over all it touched from this height was spectacular.

You, however, seemed uncaring of such natural beauty, still pacing your living space and chewing on a nail in the process.

A bell chimed around the room and you dashed off then, leaving Namjoon staring after you.

He decided that whilst you were strange, you had a kind disposition so far and he didn’t feel out of place here with you. Well, everything new to him made him curious, but you as a person did not frighten him as much as he thought you would. So often he was told humans were impractical and flighty.

Once you had your special brew within you, it seemed you had settled some.

However, when you returned with another human in tow, you seemed frantic. “Do you see?!”

The man at your side’s mouth fell ajar ever so slightly and then he said something that Namjoon couldn’t understand. Turning to face them both fully, Namjoon watched their interaction intently.

“I know, Yoongi! But he says he’s not human.”

“Because I’m not,” Namjoon interjected, and Yoongi, so he now realised to be from your earlier mentioning, let out a harsh sound that he could only fathom as a sinful word.

Namjoon stepped forward to your side protectively. “I do not understand what he’s saying but I don’t feel it was very kind. Are we safe?”

“Yoongi is my best friend, relax. He can’t understand you either, it seems.”

Your head hung low at this conclusion, as if you felt more hopeless than before. Sitting on your large, plush chair with a thump, you then darted your attention between Namjoon and your friend.

“We have the main character who wore a magical ring unbeknownst of its power, an entity who isn’t human that now harnesses the power within his chest, and a man who can’t understand what language is being spoken but will most likely be the one to guide the way through this. What is this?”

“The starting of a new tale,” Namjoon announced grimly, touching the stone that had brought him to this strange world.

_________________

Part 4

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[basia2002ib]

Profile & summary of my CAS

Learning outcomes

All in all I can say I achieved all learning outcomes. 

1. I identified own strengths and developed areas for growth. I got involved in activities that based on my prevailing skills but opened new ways to develop. Language can be deepened without limits; although I have got a certified C2 level in German I can still develop my skills and I continued to do so throughout my CAS.

2. I have undertaken a range of challenges, for instance passing a C2 exam in German seemed outlandish at first but then I got used to the idea and focused all my efforts to pursuing this goal. And I did it, even though it might seem abstract. I wanted to challenge myself to spice up my life a little bit and grow personally from the process. Now I can see a difference - my German language skills developed to such degree that when I am reading literature in German now I see an immense difference - now I can easily spot nuances and extract the deep meaning.

3. I initiated and planned CAS experiences thoroughly. I am a pragmatic person who tends to stick to the plan because it gives direction. CAS stages came naturally to me, I did not have to force them because they are inherent parts of planning process. My intellectual challenges undertaken in German - 2 competition and one language certificate required detailed planning for adequate preparation. Also my internship in the foundation required planning and time-management skills as I had to combine it with my various initiatives and rigorous IB programme. CAS stages were useful to plan my CAS project as well - I was in MUN staff, which means I coorganized WawMUN 2019.

4. Commitment and perseverance are prerequisite for success. I understand it therefore in every action I take these factors resonate. Otherwise I would accomplish my goals such as honours in German, I would not be able to play volleyball in the first-line up or I would not fulfill my demanding duties throughout my internship effectively. These are only examples of actions where I used my commitment and perseverance to succeed.

5. I saw benefits of working collaboratively during the WawMUN 2019 conference, which I organized as my CAS project but also in my internship in the foundation and my service as a student goverment vice president. In the student government we need to rely on one another and have each other’s back. We do share responsibilities to make sure nothing is neglected. We help each other and in case of emergency may replace one another either during a debate or while discussing issues with the head mistress. Throughout my internship I served as an assistant therefore I needed to adjust to the current responsibilities. I was instructed by more experienced employees all the way and assigned tasks. WawMUN conference is the biggest MUN in Poland therefore the organization process is complicated and required the division of tasks. If we did not trust each other and if we did not share responsibilities, the effect would not be so spectacular. The results showed the benefits of the team work from its best side.

6. I engaged with issues of gloabl significance throughout my CAS project which was co-organizing the MUN conference. Practising debating skills is crucial in today’s world and new generations of politicians have a chance to challenge their capabilities on the conference. The topics discussed in individual commitees touched upon issues of global significance. It is great to give my peers a chance to gain skills, delve into controversial subjects and defend their position. Some of them would probably pursue politics further in life; MUN conferences are truly inspirational in this respect.

7. One of the ethical issues I adressed during my activity as a student government vice president was the animal consumption. To relieve the environment, make my own step to reduce cruelty against animals, at least at the local level, I negotiated with the canteen supervisor to introduce vegan food. Unfortunately it was not possible to serve vegan dinners because of technical diffuculties but vegan sandwiches appeared in the canteen soon after our proposal. This is the way to satisfy needs of people on a plant-based diet but also a way to promote environmentally friendly food, with no associated cruelty.

Creativity

I love literature and foreign languages. Throughout my CAS, I combine this two effectively to follow both of my passions simultaneously. I read and write a lot in German and do far beyond what is required in my school. My goals in German are wide-ranging and not confined to my German B classes, but I challenged myslef to take part in competition and to read German literature. Once I have read “The Sorrows of Young Werther”, “Faust”, “The Visit”, “The Trial” in original and it commenced my relationship with German literature. I was captivated by it to such extent that I made a German classic “The Magic Mountain” the center of my Extended Essay. I also chose “The Metamorphosis” by Franz Kafka to use in my oral exam. Thomas Mann and Franz Kafka are one of my favourite writers of all time and they allow me to trace different nuances of German language. Close analysis of these works of art should involve in my opinion delving into the original work. A valuable experience might be to compare it with the translation, which I did throughout my independent study.

My tangible achievements in German (the evidence for my skills) were: a C2 certificate in German, a disitinction in the translation contest “Juvenes Translatores” organized by the European Commision and a finalist title in the National German Olympiad. I reached my aforementioned goals in 2020. They involved CAS stages. 1. I investigated the area I wanted to deepen my skills in and specific aims I wanted to pursue and these were competitions in German. 2. I prepared my strategy, researched the most respectable competitions and exams I wanted to take part in, signed up for them and planned preparation which was necessary because of huge amounts of school work and limited free time. 3. I took specific action, exposed myself to the language days before the exam and throughout multiple months I was doing practice papers, reading and watching a lot. 4. I realized that by pursuing my passion in German and going beyond the curriculum I freed myself and could really delve into the language. The experience provided me with the sense of purpose - my life was not only concerned with my Diploma syllabus but I could get acquainted with literature and recognized the power of translation in terms of its strong influence on the reception of foreign texts. 

From then onward I worked to maintain my German on the same high level. I should not take it for granted - I am not a native speaker. My accomplishements required huge amounts of work and also talent but might disappear if not cared for properly.

Activity

In the course of my CAS journey I have been active in many disciplines. Sport is one of my few ways to unwind and stop stressing about reality. I think that the limited possibilities to practice sport were one of the major obstacles during the pandemic. I was deprived of my only way to switch off and relax. Before the pandemic I used to swim and play volleyball in a school team every week plus I attended 3 Physical Education classes per week. Now my prefered activities are not possible to pursue because of lockdown which entailed school, sport halls and swimming pool closures. Moreover I am concerned with the virus. At the start of 2020 we managed to take the fouth place in district-wide volleyball competition. My team and I wanted to improve next year but the pandemic unexpectedly shattered my plans. I am grateful, however, for having been given a chance to represent my school in the first line-up. Moreover, I would attend volleyball practice every Saturday.

My PE classes give me a chance to play volleyball, football or do fitness. I enjoy almost every activity that is physically demanding. And I am also great in sport which boosts my motivation. Beyond school, I used to exert myself a lot in swimming and have difficulties to find enjoyment in it. However, I am a really good swimmer and it strengthens my determination, improves posture and health.

Throughout the pandemic, I have been practising sport independently, as it is an extremely important part of my life. However, in the first lockdown in the spring I used to overexert myself doing long and intensive workouts every day on an empty stomach to the point when I got health problems. I had to give it up and switched to another physical activity, less demanding but equally fun: walking. Never before have I taken walks so often as during the pandemic. Now, in the winter lockdown I also go for a walk sometimes.

Service

I began my CAS journey in 2019 with giving tutoring to a primary school student from a underprivileged background. Teaching subjects I am comfortable in (English and German) and his improved grades were reasons for my satisfaction. It required a lot of patience and perseverance as it was extremely difficult to teach him something because firstly he lacked motivation and secondly he had difficulties memorizing. This made it a huge challenge but turned out to be rewarding.

The second half of my first IB year (2020) I sacrificed for my internship (voluntary work) in a foundation.  My scope of activity consisted in the cooperation with the Fundraising Director and the Spokeswoman of the foundation; I had duties related to fundraising and media such as: preparing summaries of the reports from humanitarian missions for fairs in Dubai, translating posts for English social media profiles, collecting data for media reports, translating official requests for the sponsorship, gathering contact details of potential sponsors i.e. big companies and Presidents of the biggest Polish cities, monitoring press mentions.

Throughout 2020 I have also been fulfilling duties of the student government vice president. My team was elected in February 2020 and until now (beginning of 2021) I hold this position. I resolve current problems with the head mistress, co-organize and participate in events e.g. open days, control social media, coordinate logistics. In March we attended an event for student governments across Warsaw. I also tried to organize the Physics conference with my 2 friends in my school but it was cancelled last-minute due to imposed school closure, one week before it was scheduled to take place. Everything had been arranged with lecturers and we had to cancel feeling miserable.

My wide range of CAS activities - other examples

Apart from my core activities which I described, I got involved in numerous other CAS experienced described on this blog. One of the most enriching ones was my participation in the process of creation of a book. I wrote my own essay to a book published this month by my former class teacher. I entitled my work: “School is people: about sparking authenticity and breaking patterns”. I also cooked a lot and published some of my recipes on the blog, wrote to my school newspaper, took part in environmental protests, wrote some poems, some diary entry, practiced Frech, including writing, took many beautiful photos on my trips abroad,... 

I also co-organized WawMUN2019 conference as my CAS project.

[31horrormovies]

Horror movie 8/31

Little Monsters (Forsythe, 2019)

This is fun. Nothing too spectacular, it doesn’t offer anything new in the horror genre, but it knows my love language, Lupita Nyong’o fighting zombies.

She’s really the highlight of the film, otherwise it falters. In a movie where zombies are invading a petting zoo/putt-putt golf course while children are trapped there, Lupita brings strength, and calm in her role. She goes through a litany of emotions, fear, anger, and elation. She holds scenes that require quiet moments of understanding and empathy as well as action scenes of her beheading zombies. Her character goes through a rollercoaster, but she doesn’t paint the film with a broad brush.

You can’t say that about Josh Gad. He is absolutely grating in his introduction, 99% of the time he is loud, inappropriate, and trying really hard. That 1% in the movie however, where he is quiet and introspective (the first time that is), is actually hilarious. As for the other lead, Alexander England, he’s fine. His character’s sudden change can be explained because they’re going through a zombie invasion. Moments like that change people. But he’s such a dirtbag pre-change he’s almost irredeemable. The chemistry between Lupita and Alexander is really good however.

What also makes this movie fun are the kids. They really put Kindergarten Cop to shame. The zombies are almost an after thought.

This movie on paper is dumb (who puts a military base that experiments with zombies next to a petting zoo?). It succeeds because of it’s charm. It’s a fun digression from horror movies and it has a sense of humor about itself.

[sterling-starlight]

Setleth Week Day 1; First Kiss

The aftermath of a war that nearly lasted six years wasn’t joyous, per se. It was more like the entire continent breathed a collective sigh of relief.  But with that relief came a great sorrow. One half mourned the loss of their Emperor, who had promised equality and reformation. The other half mourned their Archbishop, a guiding light in the chaos and uncertainty. In the middle of it all was Byleth, who cried for hours over the death of Edelgard, and felt a deep ache in her chest –no, in her very bones- as Rhea peacefully passed away in her arms.

To admit that she mourned one would cause her to loose favor with the opposing side, and as the newly crowned Queen Byleth had to work to make sure she stayed firmly in the realm of neutrality. On the outside, all she cared for was the restoration and the continuing peace of Fodlan. It seemed somewhat hypocritical, lying to the masses in order to avoid negative pushback. It also seemed hopelessly pointless, since Edelgard’sstaunchest supporters seemed like they would never accept Byleth as their Queen. Ferdinand despaired over his inability to use any status to try and sway the public opinion. The words of the son of a disgraced and deposed Prime Minister meant little to the Imperial supporters who still had lands and titles to their name.

Only a small amount of Imperial-supporting nobles attended Byleth’s coronation, to the surprise of no one.

“They are all disingenuous,” Ferdinand whispered disgustedly into Byleth’s ear. “Do not be fooled; they are only acting cordial so they can keep their status.  I can almost guarantee you they are slandering you behind your back.” His face twisted into a scowl, and he spat upon the ground.

Byleth pat his arm soothingly. “I know, and I don’t care. They can slander all they want, but I’m going to do my best for them, too.” She gave Ferdinand a coy smirk, “It is best to kill them with kindness, so the saying goes.”

Ferdinand balked, and then hid a laugh politely behind his hand. “I see my lessons finally sunk in. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were born into Imperial nobility; passive aggressiveness is like a second language in the court.”

“Oh? Is that why you were sometimes so impossible to teach?”

“Why must you wound me so, Your Majesty?” Ferdinand placed a hand on his chest and sighed melodramatically. Byleth laughed and waved him off.

“Bernadetta has been glancing your way for the past half an hour, trying to gather up the nerve to ask you for a dance. It isn’t very noble-like to keep your lovely fiancée waiting so anxiously. Off you go.”

Ferdinand floundered, but quickly regained his composure. He bowed before rushing over to Bernadetta and, after a brief exchange of words (and her chugging an entire flute of sparkling wine for courage), swept her into a graceful waltz.

The next hours were a haze of tense conversations and formality. Byleth eventually had to excuse herself, claiming that the ballroom was becoming frightfully stuffy and that she needed some air. She fanned herself delicately, curtseyed, and swiftly took her leave.  Finally away from judgmental eyes, she took off her high heels and sighed heavily in relief. In a perfect world, she would have ripped the lilies from her hair and undone the fishtail braid, but she knew that sooner or later she would have to rejoin the crowd. And as much as diving into the pond and sitting at the bottom until she smelled like herself again sounded like paradise, she would have to abstain.

Byleth padded across the cobblestone and wiggled her toes on the cool, damp grass as she walked into the courtyard. When she got to one of the benches, she fell down onto it in a way that was entirely inappropriate for a new Queen. Just for added defiance she spread her knees, thankful that she had chosen to wear a dress that didn’t restrain her legs.  Briefly she humored the idea of throwing her shoes into a bush and returning to the ballroom barefoot. With the length of her dress no one would notice, and she would probably be a much better dancer without her feet in constant agony.  Alas, she decided to be a responsible adult and just set the shoes next to her.

Byleth leaned back, draping her arms over the bench, and sighed up at the sky. Now that she no longer had to put on the act of a composed and regal Queen, she was suddenly hit with the weight of everything. It was like someone had cut the rope holding a large sandbag that had been precariously hanging over Byleth’s head since it was decided she would take the throne after the war.  She knew how to bark orders through pain, devise strategies, negotiate with merchants, and ration supplies because Jeralt had taught her all those skills. She knew how to be a warrior and a solider; not the Queen of an entire continent.   She felt horrible for thinking it, but she missed the wartime. She knew how to navigate a battlefield, but she didn’t know how to heal the hurt of such a long and bloody war.  Her expertise was in commanding troops, not leading an entire country.

Not for the first time, Byleth wished Jeralt was still alive to impart some wisdom onto her. He would be just as clueless about governance as she was, but he had always found a way to make things click that no one else had.

“Your Majesty,” Seteth’s voice was as clear as it ever was. Byleth yelped in surprise and quickly composed herself, closing her legs and smoothing out her skirt as she looked towards him.  Seeing him in blue and white regalia made of cotton and silk, rather than blood-stained silver plate, was almost foreign.  He crossed the courtyard in long stride before coming to stand before her. His expression softened, “you came out here for some peace, I take it? I cannot say I blame you. The ballroom has become,” he paused to inhale through his nose, “suffocating, for lack of a better word.”

“You caught me,” Byleth admitted with a small smile. She looked around Seteth, blinking in surprise at the noticeable lack of Flayn, and looked up at him. “You’re leaving Flaynunguarded?” She teased lightly.

“Fighting alongside the students has shown me that most of them can be trusted. For a night, at the very least.  Likewise, she has proven time and again that she doesn’t constantly need me in her shadow,” His expression turned somber for a moment, but he shook his head lightly.

“My, my, I never thought I’d see the day.” Byleth laughed. She scooted over and patted the empty spot next to her. “Come and sit. You’ve been on your feet all night, I know you need it.”

Seteth looked torn because what he wanted and what was proper, his shoulders tense. Byleth clicked her tongue and reached out to pull him down. He gasped in surprise, and actually needed a moment to right himself.  “There, see? Don’t you feel better?”

“You didn’t even give me time to respond.”

“The only way you would have sat down is if I ordered you to.”

Seteth scoffed, “Being so presumptuous doesn’t flatter you at all.”

“It isn’t presumptuous if I know it as fact.”

“If you insist.”

Byleth pouted and nudged him with her elbow, but said nothing else to continue the argument.  Seteth lightly smirked triumphantly.

They sat in a comfortable, familiar silence for a long time. It wasn’t unlike the rare and cherished times when it was just them, a pot of tea, and a book of myths between them, or  times spent at the fishing pond (although Byleth burst out laughing when Seteth admitted he didn’t even know how to bait a hook). It was peaceful and grounding, almost liberating in the wake of having to put on the façade of a composed and regal Queen. But even still, Byleth’s uncertainty gnawed at the back of her mind, and the words tumbled out of her mouth before she could stop them.

“Do you think I’ll be a good Queen?” She could have slapped herself. But why stop there? “I don’t want to hear ‘You’ve been chosen by Rhea and the Goddess; of course you will’. I’ve heard that all night. I want to know your honest opinion.”

Seteth looked at her in the eye, expression contemplative. After a long pause he replied, “As a man of faith that poses some difficulty.” He began evenly, “I’ve made it no secret that I believe the Goddess always intended this to be your fate. You are a brilliant tactician and a charismatic military commander. In an ideal world, that would translate to being an unparalleled monarch. But this world is anything but idealistic, and you are brash, reckless, and quick to jump to conclusions. Your first reaction is to strike first, and ask questions later.  Do I think that makes you unfit to rule? No.  But I do think those hot-headed tendencies of yours need to be tempered by time and experience. There is no such thing as a ruler who is perfect immediately after taking the throne.”

Byleth mulled over Seteth’s response, chewing on her bottom lip. “That’s… reassuring. Thank you.” She said quietly. Boldly, she reached up to cup Seteth’s cheek. “So, can I trust you to be there if I need help?”

“Always,” Seteth breathed, slowly placing a hand atop hers. “I will remain by your side until the day I die.”

“I’m so glad.”

Byleth’s heart didn’t beat. It never did, and it probably never would. But as if to compensate for that, warmth blossomed from her chest and radiated all throughout her body as her and Seteth’s lips met. The first kiss was awkward, because she had never been kissed in her life. The second was less so, and the third… Goddess the third was everything she’d ever hoped for. Poets described kisses like fireworks. Brilliant, shocking, spectacular things that sparkled and sizzled. Kissing Seteth was soft and tender and warm, like being wrapped in a thick blanket in front of the fire on a freezing winter night.  

The love ballads Dorothea sang Petra suddenly made all the sense in the world, and Byleth felt like her head had been stuffed with feathers when she and Seteth finally pulled away. She felt warm and dizzy and weightless like she had too much mulled wine. “That was-” She began dazedly.

“Inappropriate.” Seteth cut in. He stood up abruptly. “Forgive me; I shouldn’t have let my emotions cloud my judgement.”

“I was going to say amazing.” Byleth said sternly, catching his hand. “If what I feel for you right now -what I’ve been feeling for the longest time- is inappropriate, then so be it. I don’t want to stop feeling this way. Ever.” She gazed in the direction of the ballroom, where the orchestra had just begun playing another suite. “I know I have to go back soon, but let’s enjoy this moment just a little longer.” Byleth laced her fingers through Seteth’s ,  keeping them loose enough so he could pull away if he wanted to. “If you feel the same, that is.” She finished lamely.

Seteth’s fingers tightened around hers, and he sat back down without a word.

[argylemnwrites]

It Couldn’t Wait Another Moment - Chapter 13

Pairing: Drake Walker x MC (Riley Liu)

Book: The Royal Romance (Canon Divergent from Book 2, Chapter 15)

Word Count: ~4800

Rating: R (adult language - like too many f-bombs to count, here)

Summary: Drake tries to process his most recent decisions in regards to Liam and Riley, but some of the palace guests and residents make that difficult.

Author’s Note: So, yeah. I’m back at this story. I never intended to take so long between chapters, but this content here is basically the reason I didn’t just write Chapter 1 as a one shot, but instead turned it into an actual fic. Well, it turns out getting this all out of my head and into words was a real struggle. I could keep playing around and tweaking this indefinitely, but y’all have been patient enough, so without further ado, let’s get back into things here. We last left Riley leaving Cordonia to return to NYC while Drake stayed for Liam. Meanwhile, Olivia had just discovered that her aunt was involved in the recent attacks. This picks up that same afternoon.

This series diverges from TRR canon, where instead of waiting to discuss his relationship with Riley until their last night in NYC, leaving her a note while Liam is proposing to her, Drake tackles this topic as soon as possible after Tariq makes his statement and Riley’s name is cleared. To catch up on this series, you can find the previous chapters in my masterlist (link is located in my bio).

The Cordonian royal palace had a total of six different lounges, but only one of them was truly a private lounge, tucked away in a back corridor of the royal family’s residential wing. It had been the location of many nights of drinks and cards over the years. The group in attendance had varied, starting with Leo and Bertrand years and years ago. Tariq and Rashad both would drop in if they were in the capital. And more recently, Maxwell had hustled Drake out of more money than he cared to admit over hands of poker. But really, the only constants at these private card games had been Liam and Drake himself. It was strange to sit there now, alone in the middle of the afternoon. But Drake had wanted a drink and a smoke, and it was the only place in the palace where he would find both whiskey and an ashtray and be likely to be left alone.

Drake didn’t know how he felt, exactly. Not that he was ever great at putting his feelings into words, but today was even harder than usual. He didn’t really feel sad. More empty. Hollow.

He took the last drag from his cigarette as he kept rooting through the bar until he found the bottle of Yamazaki 18 tucked behind several other bottles of scotch and whiskey. If there was ever a day that warranted the good stuff, today was that day. Drake poured himself a double on the rocks before carrying his glass and the ashtray over to one of the armchairs by the fireplace. He knew he was wallowing, but he figured he’d earned it. Today just plain sucked.

The drive back from the airport had felt kind of covered in this sort of surreal haze. Had he really just let her get on a plane and leave? But what else could he have done? He had to stay. For Liam. And he couldn’t ask her just to hang around while he dealt with all that. It wasn’t fair to her. She, unlike him, actually had a life in New York. Asking her to abandon all of that just to sit around as some sort of fucking emotional comfort for him was selfish.

And truth be told, her being around would probably be counterproductive. It seemed like the three of them being in the same room was just a recipe for awkwardness. If Drake was actually going to be there for Liam, Riley’s presence would not make things easier. Even though Liam would never say anything, it was clear to anyone with half a brain that seeing him and Riley together was just adding stress. That he wasn’t coping with their relationship as much as he wanted to project that he was. And Drake certainly wasn’t going to stick around just to throw his happiness in Liam’s face. That was the opposite of his goal.

Still, watching her walk away from him at the airport had torn something deep inside him. It felt wrong, and he missed her already. God, he was a pathetic mess. He took a sip of his whiskey before lighting up another cigarette, but was interrupted by the sound of the door creaking open.

It was Leo. Of course he would be the only other person at the palace looking for a stiff drink well before cocktail hour. He strolled in, whistling to himself until he caught sight of Drake, his eyebrows shooting up comically.

“Hey, what are you still doing here? I thought your flight was today.” he asked after a moment, continuing over to the bar and grabbing the bottle of whiskey Drake had left out.

“Yeah, well… I decided to stick around for a while.”

Leo looked up from the bar, seeming to stare at Drake with those words. “You’re here by yourself?”

Drake swallowed roughly, tapping his cigarette against the ashtray’s edge. “Yeah, Liu flew out.”

The only sound was that of a glass being set on the bar and the splash of liquid as Leo poured himself a couple fingers of the whiskey. He took a sip of his drink before he stepped around the bar, raising his glass toward Drake is if in a toast. “I can’t say I’m not a little relieved.”

Drake took a drag off his cigarette, trying to gauge how pissed that should be making him. Leo didn’t always think things through fully, so he probably didn’t mean much by his statement. Still, for him to be the one to give him shit about sticking around? Well, it was pretty damn annoying.

After another sip of his drink, Leo chuckled as he continued, “I thought I was going to have to fly out and track you down again for a moment, there.”

Okay, maybe Leo did mean something. Drake bit his lip, trying to control his temper. He knew he was already on edge, and at the end of the day, Leo really wasn’t worth it. But his patience was tested as Leo continued, “I mean, I get it, the whole ‘following some girl halfway across the world’ thing, but I’m glad you finally came to your senses.”

“My senses?”

“Well, yeah. I know, chasing skirts is fun and all, but at the end of the day, you gotta admit that you belong here, right?”

Drake swallowed, trying to find his words before he spoke. He was trying to control his temper, he really was. But today had sucked enough without having to listen to Leo spout this bullshit.

“I mean, you did have me worried for a minute there. That pussy must be truly spectacular for both you and him to lose your minds over it.”

Drake heard a loud rushing in his ears and realized he as out of his chair and striding over to Leo before he could even think about what he was doing. Leo’s eyes widened and he maneuvered himself behind the bar, the fear evident in his eyes.

“Relax, man. I didn’t mean anything, really. I’m sure she’s a great woman. All I was trying to say is that I’m glad you’ll be here for him.”

“Right, because otherwise you might have to act like his actual brother, not just some drinking buddy.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Come on, Leo. You’re not gonna stand there and act like you’ve been the brother he deserves, are you?”

Leo scowled, taking a long drink from his glass before he responded, “Just add it to the list. One more way that Leo is a fuckup who could never measure up to his perfect, saintly little brother.”

“Oh, shut the fuck up!” Drake groaned, rolling his eyes. “Nothing you can say will ever make me feel sorry for your irresponsible, hypocritical, entitled ass.”

“You have no idea what the pressure is like! You have never had to carry that weight, knowing you would never be able to-”

“I’m not talking about your abdication, Leo!” Drake yelled, smacking his hand down against the top of the bar. “That’s a whole other thing, and I don’t really want to get into right now. I’m talking about the fact that you have been a shitty brother to him since day one. And guess who always had to be there to pick up the slack?”

“Ah, yes. Drake Walker - a modern-day martyr. Your life has been sooo difficult, what with the living rent-free at a palace, drinking top shelf whiskey, going horseback riding on private trails whenever you wanted. Tell me again of the great woes and tribulations that were thrust upon you because of your burdensome friendship with His Majesty. I know he asked so much of you.”

“Classic Leo, deflect away any real criticism. Nothing is ever your fault, is it? Your father expected too much. The world just didn’t understand you. You weren’t cut out for this life. It’s your own fucking greatest hits album, and I’m so goddamn sick of it. But you know what? Play the fucking victim. Tell me again how fucking hard your privileged little life is. I honestly don’t give a shit. But I’m not gonna stand here and listen to your bullshit tales of how I was somehow the one who mistreated Liam.”

“Let’s see - you fucked the woman he loved and left him alone while terrorists tried to kill him. Am I leaving out any other recent developments?”

“Are we just gonna pretend that the first 28 years of his life didn’t happen? Because last time I checked, you haven’t exactly been some beacon of brotherly support. And rich of you to give me shit for choosing one woman to be with when your whole life has been nothing but a string of girls you claimed were different that all the ones who came before. First there was Charlize, then Fiona, or did Katrina come before her? Then Gigi, and that redhead whose name I never did find out, then-”

“Liam wasn’t in love with any of them. Besides, it’s not like you were some celibate monk all those years.”

“Yet someone I was able to find a way to sleep with women and be there for Liam. You on the other hand, were always just a bit too busy to find time to call and check in.”

“I love my brother, and I tried to be there for him. I’m sorry if my best isn’t up to the impeccable Walker standards,” Leo sneered, finishing his drink and slamming his glass down on the bar.

“You tried? Really? Leo, you took a fucking private jet and dragged me away from my life because you couldn’t handle his actual emotions! Then you dumped the crown on him without a backwards glance! I was always the one who had to clean up the mess!”

Leo opened his mouth, undoubtedly ready to defend himself, but the door to the lounge swung open, stopping the two men in their tracks. There was Liam, a scowl etched across his face, “I thought it might be best to inform you that approximately half the palace can hear you right now.”

Drake swallowed roughly, trying to control the anger rolling off him in waves. Fucking Leo. At least he had the decency to look guilty, dropping his eyes to the bartop and taking a deep breath before he spoke again.

“How much did you hear, Liam?”

“More than enough, Leo. Would you mind giving me a moment with Drake?”

“I should have known you’d take his side.”

“You and I will talk later. Right now, I need to speak to Drake.”

Leo stared at Liam for just a second before shaking his head and brushing past him on his way out the door. Drake waited until his footsteps trailed off before he spoke.

“If you had heard some of the shit he was saying, Liam, you-”

“I did hear ‘some of the shit’ he said. I, along with numerous palace employees, heard many things that both of you said. That really isn’t important at the moment. What I’m most interested in is your statement that he dragged you away from your life.”

“Liam, come on. Let’s not do this.”

“Do what, exactly? I am merely asking you to clarify the circumstances under which my brother-”

“Cut the diplomatic bullshit. If you’re going to fight with me, don’t talk to me like I’m some foreign dignitary.”

Liam just shook his head, “I’m not trying to fight with you, Drake. I didn’t even know you were still in the country, so imagine my surprise to hear you and my brother with raised voices, airing what seems to be years of personal grievances loudly enough for all the staff to hear. I’m simply trying to figure out what set both of you off. Leo isn’t usually one who angers like that, so it strikes me that this might be serious.”

“Oh, so you’re saying I'm the one who flies off the handle? The hot-headed commoner can’t control his temper, huh?”

Liam’s eyes widened and he took a beat before he continued, “What the hell is going on with you, Drake? I’m not even sure why you are here, but you seem determined to be furious with someone right now. Why don’t you just take a deep breath and try and-”

“Don’t you dare try to tell me to calm down. Don’t fucking placate me just to fucking keep the peace. I’m not some foreign diplomat, Liam. I’m supposed to be your friend. So don’t fucking treat me like we’re in the midst of a treaty negotiation.”

Liam sighed heavily. “Drake, all I want to do is figure out what is bothering you. I care about you, and I know whatever transpired between you and Leo-”

“Cut the bullshit; you came in here with a purpose. You had a question for me.”

“That’s not important right now. Hearing the way you are getting upset, seeing you here at all, I just-”

“Ask me your goddamn question, Liam.”

Liam hesitated for just a moment. He was clearly trying to gauge whether Drake was past the point of no return here, some part of Drake’s mind could sense that fact. But right now, his blood was pumping. His frustrations from the past few weeks had boiled over, and he was pissed. At Leo. At his life. At himself. And Liam must have realized that, because he decided to feed the beast, knowing there was no other way for Drake to have any sort of rational discussion if he didn’t do him the courtesy of granting him this. 

“What did you mean when you said Leo dragged you away from your life?”

“Did you really never figure out how I was able to afford a last minute flight to Cordonia when I was a broke university student?”

“Leo bought you your ticket back?”

Drake let out a harsh chuckle. “Try Leo fucking showed up on campus, took me in a towncar to a private airplane hanger, and put me on the fucking royal jet.”

A range of emotions rolled rapidly across Liam’s face. Confusion. Shock. Deliberation. But finally, a firm hardness settled into his eyes. Liam was in full-on negotiator mode. It wasn’t a role he had to play often, but when he did, it was always a sight to see. He was poised and calculated and sure. It was great to watch him corner people who mistook his kindness and compassion for weakness. Or at least, Drake had always reveled in it before, when it was directed at presumptuous foreign leaders or entitled and under-prepared nobles. He’d never felt it directed at him. 

“So would it be fair to say that it was out of obligation, not friendship, that you returned to Cordonia?”

“No, I came back because I cared about you and I was worried about you.”

“But you never would have returned if it wasn’t made clear to you that I was struggling to cope. You weren’t worried about me. Leo, the fucking flakiest man on the planet, was worried about me. You just served your role. Well, consider you obligation to me over.”

“Liam, stop it!” Drake tried to cut it, but Liam was far from finished, his words piercing through the room like a dagger.

 “I now understand what you meant about you being the one who had to clean up the mess. I was just some liability punted from Leo to you.”

“Come on, that’s not-.”

“No, you ‘come on,’ Drake. It was obviously in reference to me. In what ways was I such a burden to you? In what ways did I hold you back from your real life?”

“I didn’t mean it like that, I just-”

“How did you mean it Drake? Anyway I can fathom you meaning it undercuts years of friendship, does it not?”

“No, it doesn’t! This is a two-way street, Liam. I know for a fact that I’ve been a burden to you at some points, too.”

Liam paused, swallowing roughly before he continued. “I never saw it that way. I was grateful to be there for you, someone I consider to be family. You were never a burden to me.”

Drake sighed, “I’ve never been as optimistic as you. I’m sorry that my phrasing is harsh, but you know me. I’m not saying that your friendship is some drain on me. But it is a fact that I had to walk away from some things after that assassination attempt. And I don’t regret doing it; but yeah, I left some things behind.”

“Are you sure you don’t regret it? Because listening to you now, it certainly seems like you hold some resentment there, if it still affects you years after the fact.” 

Drake rubbed his face. How had this spiraled into some discussion of his decision years ago? “Look, you needed me then. Everything else kind of fell by the wayside.”

“I may have appreciated your return, but I certainly didn’t need you. You didn’t even realize that I was struggling. I would have been perfectly able of coping on my own.”

Liam paced away from Drake at that, trying to put some distance between them. Honestly, it somehow pissed Drake off even more. This was fucking revisionist history bullshit, that Leo was some intuitive brother, a saint who tracked down a comfort for Liam out of the goodness of his heart, not some responsibility-phobic asshole who booked it the second things get hard.

“Liam, I don’t know whether you needed me or not. But the fact is having me here was helpful, so I stayed. Not just because Leo asked, but because I cared more about your struggles than my own.”

“But I never asked you to do that! And now, years after the fact, you somehow still find a way to hold that against me.”

“What are you talking about?”

Liam spun around and stalked over towards Drake. He had a burning look in his eyes, but he kept clenching and unclenching his fists, as if he were trying to hold back this raging fire of anger and pain inside of him.

“I always looked past the fact that you were envious of me, understanding that some of the privileges of my station might appear to outweigh the burdens from an outside perspective. But now, hearing all of this, I just wonder if…” Liam trailed off, seeming to gain control of himself once again before he continued speaking. “Nevermind, it’s not important.”

“No, go on and say it.” The anger churning inside Drake wanted, no needed, to hear whatever thought Liam had apparently had decided was worth censoring from him, the one person he was never supposed to have to censor himself around.

“It doesn’t matter.”

“That’s fucking infuriating. You started the thought; you might as well finish it.”

Liam closed his eyes briefly before opening them and staring Drake down. “Fine. I wonder if you didn’t pursue Riley as a way to get back at me.”

Drake paused for a moment, trying to wrap his mind around the absolute insanity he was hearing. “What the fuck, Liam?”

“Maybe not consciously, but yes, since you clearly have some sort of resentment you hold against me, I just have to wonder if you maybe you went after her because you knew how much I liked her.”

“Went after her- God, do you really think so little of me that you think I toyed around with some poor woman just as part of some misguided revenge against you? I don’t even know how to respond to that, Liam. It’s so fucking insulting.”

Liam dropped his gaze at Drake’s statement, having the good grace at least to realize that statement was pretty horrible, but Drake felt more and more words coming up. It seemed like once he and Liam started down this road, he just couldn’t stop the thoughts from flowing out, unchecked and without pause.

“And not just to me. She is a grown ass adult who is perfectly capable of making up her own mind about her own relationships. It’s not like she just sat around, staring off into space, waiting for one of us to come along and convince her to be with us.”

“Stop putting words in my mouth, Drake. It isn’t fair and you know it. I have never treated her with anything but the utmost respect and hospitality.”

“That’s how you treat a distant relative who needs a place to stay for a few days. It’s not how you treat someone you want to marry!”

“Well, I don’t think open disdain is the best way to treat a romantic partner, either.”

Drake knew it was an earned dig. After all, he hadn’t exactly held back with his early cruelty towards Riley when speaking with Liam all those months ago. But to have his first impressions thrown in his face, when he had eaten so much crow and opened up to the woman in question so much? When Liam seemed to be stuck on his own first impressions of Riley? It just pissed him off all over again.

“I at least always treated her as an equal. I didn’t put her on some impossible pedestal she was bound to crash from.”

“I did everything in my power to show a woman that I was falling for her, that I adored her, and somehow that is a problem? I respected her roots and her background with kindness and gentleness. I tried to arrange ways to make her feel comfortable in a new country. I researched how to woo someone who had never been part of the nobility. I did everything I could think of to welcome her into this world. I courted her the best way I knew. In fact, I showed her far more affection than any of the other women here for me, even though it weighed on me that I wasn’t treating the rest of them fairly. Explain to me, Drake, how that degree of romance is somehow less desirable than sarcasm and condescension.” 

“You are so fucking blinded by your cloud of royal entitlement, and you can’t even fucking see it. ‘Here for you?’ News flash, Liam - Hana and Maxwell figured it that we were together. I’m pretty sure Bertrand did as well. Hell, my sister claims she knew something was going on between us, and she met Liu for all of an hour. Why is it that you are the only one who didn’t see that something was going on between us?”

Liam opened his mouth to retort, but Drake kept pushing, “I’ll tell you why - you like to think you’re this down to earth royal, but the fact of the matter is, you could never envision a woman willingly choosing to be with me when she had the option to be with you. And maybe I’ve been a shit friend to you in some ways, but guess what? That makes you a pretty shit friend, too. Because you’re willing to sit here and imply that my love is not real, just some petty revenge because you were more important than I could ever be. And you know what? It’s bullshit.” 

“Tell me, Drake - what is the appropriate response in your mind when you find out the woman you were pursuing was sleeping with your best friend and neither one of them saw fit to clue you in?”

“She tried to clue you in. Sure, she could have been more blunt, I guess. But did you really not notice that she stopped sneaking away to meet up for all of your little secret rendezvous? Or how about the fact that she stopped kissing you? But you kept after her. Because of course she was into you. What woman wouldn’t be? Who would choose to be with the lowly commoner instead of the handsome king?”

“Instead of playing the victim here, you could at least treat me with enough respect to acknowledge that you, while claiming to be my best friend, lied to me and let me look like a fool. You could have saved me a lot of pain and heartache. You made the conscious decision not to, and yet you have the gall to stand here and act like I was the one in the wrong.”

Drake glanced away, taking a swig from his glass, but unfortunately it was empty. He couldn’t even get a little distraction as Liam let him have it.

“You always see the worst in people Drake. You claim they see you as less than, that you are somehow treated as worse than others around you based simply on the fact that you were born a commoner. But you never take ownership of your own actions. You expect to be treated with respect when earning your respect is a monumental task that almost no one could ever hope to achieve. You write people off simply for having the misfortune of being born to a different social class, not acknowledging that they have as much control over their heritage as you do over yours. And you expect to be treated with dignity without offering any in return. 

“And I tolerated it, because I knew that there were some people that did treat you as second class, and because you always respected me enough to be one of the few people in my life who granted me complete honesty. But now, that is called into question, because you lied to me, repeatedly. And I have to wonder if you ever cared for me, how you could be so callous in the way you treated me in all of this?”

The question hung in the air, sitting there. It smothered the lounge in thick layer of suspense, neither man able to move forward and speak, yet at the same time unable to look away from each other. Drake felt equal parts guilty and damaged. It seemed like for every critique he’d had of Liam, Liam had his own to hurl right back. Neither one of them held the high ground here. They both were metaphorically beaten and bruised. Eventually, a sharp knock on the door broke the tense silence. After a few more seconds of staring at each other, Liam finally spoke.

“Come in.”

“Of fucking course,” thought Drake. Who else would be here but Olivia fucking Nevrakis? 

“Your assistant told me I might find you here, but he looked awfully uncomfortable about that fact. Did he send me to interrupt a lover’s quarrel?”

Drake refused to dignify her with a response, but the complete silence from both of them clearly spoke volumes. Olivia rolled her eyes slightly before she spoke again.

“As much as I would like to stay for the inevitable brawl and see who wins this, I have something to discuss with His Majesty that’s rather time sensitive. Liam, do you mind?”

Liam turned to face Olivia, but even in profile, Drake could sense him plastering on his diplomatic mask once again. “Of course, Lady Olivia. Let’s head to my office.”

And without a backward glance, he was off, falling in stride with Olivia as the two of them exited the room. As soon as the lounge door swung shut, Drake sank into the closest chair, letting out a long sigh. He felt like he had just thrown up, but in that way when you’ve been nauseous all day from a stomach flu, and then when you finally puke, you somehow feel awful but somehow better all at the same time. 

Telling Liam all these thoughts he’d kept to himself. Telling him the thoughts he didn’t even realize he’d been keeping to himself. Well, it was damn cathartic. To have it all out in the open felt like a relief. Even if Liam had his own issues to throw out there. Hell maybe because Liam had his own issues with him. Finally, they were talking. Really talking, not just beating around the apple tree. And that had to be progress, right?

Sure, as the adrenaline from the fight wore off, some of Liam’s barbs sunk in. And boy, did they sting. But at the end of the day, Drake somehow felt that this was better than their stilted half conversations and awkward small talk. At least this was real. And quite frankly, today kind of felt like rock bottom. That meant things could only improve from here. Drake just had to figure out how.

@dcbbw @mfackenthal @jovialyouthmusic @iplaydrake @gibbles82 @drakewalkerisreal @riley–walker @thequeenofcronuts @notoriouscs @butindeed @thesumofmychoices @cosigottahavefaith @thequeenchoices @katedrakeohd @feartheendlesssummer   @sirbeepsalot @ladyangel70 @ao719  @ooo-barff-ooo @octobereighth @sunnyxdazed

  @wickedgypsymoon

@carabeth

[spell406]

So, a friend of mine basically forced me to watch at least one episode of Netflix Castlevania.

(Disc - I am new to tumblr and had a little problems with posting this thing correctly. Sorry for spam)

So I watched one. And then another. And another… When I finished it was 3 a.m., my eyes were burned out, my brain fried, and my soul forever forfeited, but whatever, who need it anyway.

I am new to the universe, and I know that I am something like 10 months late to the review party, so instead I decided to just share a bunch of thoughts of mine. [UPDATE – Because I am extremely heavy procrastinator and it took me almost two weeks to write this thing I am already at 50% of SoTN right now I’ve finished SoTN by now]

First of all – Castlevania looks like anime, but shares almost nothing common with it. It was a relief, to be honest, as I was a little afraid of show being just another shounen with specific set of clichés and similarities that might quite not bad (or even enjoyable), but I’ve seen them too many times before – better or worse executed – to watch without a mild nausea another Bleach/Naruto in a darker scenario.

I would never demand a fantasy world to be realistic. Like, who would do, fantasy world is supposed to be… fantasy, right? I am fine with lack of realism but I can’t say the same about lack of common sense, and there is a matter of logic that I personally find quite funny. When you are about to fight in close quarters with someone, with both of you lives on stake you’ll want to use every possible advantage. In general there are two kinds of battle armors – first one is focused on providing maximum protection (like typical medieval plate armor) and second one designed to grant freedom of movement especially critical in usually legwork-heavy duels. And here are our “battle” priests in gowns. Gowns, that manage to provide neither aforementioned advantage and downsides of both. Heh. It just bothers me too much, honestly.

I really love the flow of narration; the way that every character including antagonists has its own set of motives and reasons, even Carmilla has her own background that is convicting to justify her bitchery (Well, she has seen it before, right? And Dracula wasn’t even trying to hide his apathy, so why would she like to watch as dead man wages his hollow war)(Is it only me or Dracula shows typical signs of severe depression? Apathy, lack of strength to take any decision, not taking care of himself, loss of interest – even in his own war – well, to be honest he has a good reason to do so).

Animations. Ah, that one is unquestionably excellent, although you Powerhouse Animation guys could have make use of an additional 4-5 fps – from time to time I had a feeling that there is a cat sitting on my keyboard’s space bar, pausing and starting show over and over - it happened something like two or three times. If it comes to favorite scenes – for me, it would be first meeting and fight between Trevor and Alucard. The dialogue and music is so good at reflecting rising pressure and tension between those two – let put oneself in Trevor’s boots – just day before he was rather concerned about getting some food/drink and move on and now he is standing against something that he now considers to be last boss of his life, or perhaps not, he doesn’t even know how does Dracula looks like and he doesn’t seem to be openly aggressive, or perhaps yes, he is obviously vampire and he seems to doesn’t like Belmont name, on the other hand even lesser vampire might be not so easy foe and he is kinda out of practice, and Sypha doesn’t feel like helping out, at least for now… It is all just perfect, and the sound track alone is stuff of legends. (Season 2 OST on Spotify WHEN??”)

Second best would be first phase of Dracula fight – the way which they are team working fluently to not let eachother get killed pleases my inner maniac in best possible way, although the 1 vs 1 part is kinda downgrade - but still ok.

But there is one thing that really stands out in best possible way from things I’ve seen before and that’s utilization of facial expression and body language. Like seriously, this combined with really outstanding voice acting bring interactions between characters to another damned level. (Unfortunately, national translation and voice acting is so awful that I couldn’t bear myself to finish even first season). There are few thing I consider more important in creating credible character than combining overall expressiveness and voice acting, the ability to tell words without actually using any (Finding Ciri cinematic in Witcher 3 is perhaps best known to me example) - and Castlevania does it just soooo good.

Dracula generals. When they were shown for the first time I was like “oh boy he has summoned generals, (Generals! Master tactician, the artists of war!) the oldest, most cunning and powerful beasts from entire world, now things are going to get rough.” And how did it turned out? I can understand that Dracula tasked his forge masters with overseeing the war (Although his reasoning was kind of ok, good job Dracula for nominating for executives two people, that knew least about proceeding war) Did they were incompetent so much? Then how did they managed to get their titles, if they were just a bunch of endlessly whining mischief-makers? They were supposed to know how war looks like, and how to do one, but instead they did literally nothing for war effort! If you ask me, that is at least one risen eyebrow. Excluding Godbrand, the only member of council that did anything more than grate his teeth in silent anger, killed some civilians and got taken care of quite effortlessly. Also, Godbrand wasn’t made to be the sharpest knife in a closet, but he still was bright enough to ask himself “What will we do when we’ll win a war?” Also, he managed to notice that there were no real plan to follow... That is +1 to you Godbrand, I’ll miss you my vikingy boi. In the end, if they were meant to be just a background, they did get a little too much of screen time, and if they were not, they got faaaaaar from enough of it.

By the way – not sure if it’s only me but I personally think that Trevor might be keenest (or – at least – not dumbest) of protagonist trio. He might lack classic education, but he is careful watcher (he noticed fresh oil in torch and overall state of Alucard’s hideout), he correctly chosen and quite successfully executed strategy at Gresit square (isolate, divide and destroy) and quite steadfastly shrugged  off Alucard bickering (well, most of times). Also, his plan for battle with vampire generals was quite logical – avoid close quarter cause humans are in general more fragile than vampires, and Alucard as frontline. My inner maniac was most pleased.

As I said before, I really enjoy Castlevania’s overall character design but with an exception of bishop of Gresit. There is no reason for his work, I know that he is insane and reasoning usually does not apply to those like him but I feel like there is no reason in villainy (this entire talking about making a God’s own country – well, I don’t buy it), aside of being genuinely baaaaad, which kinda stands out in negative way in comparison to the rest of characters.

To highlight the issue, lets do some roleplaying here:

The night creatures are ravaging the land that you had sworn to protect in unholy war against humanity, killing women, men even your subordinates alike. The citizens are growing restless, and demand taking an action. How do you proceed?

a) Find the last descendant of family known for their prowess in fighting those beasts; but be wary – he doesn’t seem to like you very much after you branded him as heretic, exterminated his entire family and burned down his home (probably with some of aforementioned family still inside it). However, if you nicely ask for help, reverse the curse, apology for making mistake and return the estate it actually might work. (to be honest that could be quite interesting moral choice for Trevor, to help people of Wallachia and let bishop take all glory or decline the bishop proposition and screw people over in the process)

b) You can fight them, you are the Holy Church after all. You have access to unlimited supply of holy water, relics, you have enough money and authority to arm and train people’s militia properly. Your knowledge of those beasts might be as wide as Belmont family, but at least should be sufficient to minimalize the damage. Killing the Dracula, however, might be impossible for you.

c) You spent most of your time on biting, trashing, or looking for anyone to cast entire blame upon; it doesn’t matter who is that poor bastard as long as it is not you. In addition, you…

AAAAARGH I CAN’T CONTAIN MYSELF ANY LONGER! BROTHER, I DON’T FEEL LIKE I AM   WICKED ENOUGH! I REQUIRE TO SEE SOME SUFFERING OF INNOCENT TO FEAST UPON! WHAT DO YOU SAY, BROTHER? I CANT HEAR YOU OVER RAGE BOILING IN MY VEINS! WHAT, SPEAKERS? OF COURSE THEY WILL DO RAAAAAARRGARGAJGIOGJIHKBYIUOL

Oh well.

Well, looks like I am done here. By the way, sorry for my English, I am not a native speaker (If I’ve commited any spectacular crime against vocabulary/grammar let me know on priv).

Now I’m going back to rewatching show and torturing SoTN

No TL:DR, just read it if you want, it is not an entire book, you know.

[oosteven-universe]

Hijinx #1

Hijinx #1 Missing Worlds Media 2020 Written by Tom Stillwell Illustrated by Dale Yaddow     With great power comes great absurdity. Emily’s just a normal kid living in a city filled to the brim with super-powered heroes and villains. When she finds herself gifted with extraordinary abilities Emily must decide which side she falls on. Does she use her powers for Good or Evil? Neither!     I really liked this book! Which should come as no surprise if you've ever seen my reviews of Toy Boy or the other books that Spinner Rack Comics has put out, Underneath for instance is a spectacular book! The idea here is a good one and I like how we see this teenager who has abilities discover new ones and does her thing with them. For the first time I think that this is the most accurate description of a teenager in comics that we've seen. Emily is interesting and I like how we see her and her behaviour here and it just makes for a more interesting read.     The way that this is being told is pretty great as the opening is dynamic and eye catching as it introduces us to Hijinx. Then we go back and see how all this came to be. I adore the fact that Emily has a crush on a teacher, after who among us hasn't? Also that she's totally into old films and Buster Keaton more importantly as this is uncommon and just keeps adding layers to her personality. The way we see the story & plot development through how the sequence of events unfold as well as how the reader learns information is presented extremely well. The overall flow we see here is amazing and Tom really understands how to make the book flow in a way that the reader gets into without even realising it. The character development is phenomenal here. How we see Emily's interests and her budding rivalry/friendship with the new arrival really does have an impact upon how we see and relate to her. The pacing is excellent and as it takes us through the pages revealing the twists and turns along the way help create the ebb & flow of the story.     There is a sense of pure unadulterated fun going on within these pages. There is also a great honesty to it as well. This really is something we just don't see in comics and I wouldn't have seen it if I hadn't stopped to see Tom at his booth in Artists Alley at C2E2. This is why I keep telling you all to browse the tables and booths because you'll find these hidden gems and fall in love with them.     I am really digging the interiors here as well. Dale does an amazing job with the way we see faces and facial expressions and body language that further the characterisation in ways that words alone cannot do. The varying weights in the linework that bring out the attention to detail and of course how we see the backgrounds makes me a happy camper. The way we see the composition within the panels bring us this nice depth perception, scale and that overall sense of size and scope of the book. The utilisation of the page layouts and how we see the angles and perspective in the panels show a nice, solid eye for storytelling. The colour work is nice as well and how we see the hues and tones within the colours utilised to create the shading, highlights and shadow work is extremely well done. ​     I do like that we see the friendship between the two girls and how they come up with the costume. I also like the teaser in the last panel which raises a ton of questions for me which engages my mind. I love that this books is so fresh and fun and what comics should be like.

[hellsparadiseessays]

Aza Brothers Week - Day 2

To keep celebrating the existence of our beloved bandit brothers, I thought it’d be funny to check some stuff I had written about them back in April/May with the current hindsight we have! It’s an essay in three parts, initially posted on r/Jigokuraku. This essay may also be very useful to those of you who’re waiting for my Criminality essay, btw. More under the cut!

Aza bros, an analysis – Part I : an essay on the traditional family model in Japanese culture, and how society’s expectations impact the siblings

As a disclaimer, three things need to be mentioned. First, thy enter spoiler territory; flee while thy can, new reader! Second, I am not Japanese nor raised in Japan, so my take is solely based on the academic documents I read, what I know and what I understand. If there’s a mistake in my understanding, please, feel free to address it. Third, English is not my native language, so while I’m fluent in it, I don’t promise a 100% quality and may make some grammar mistakes here and there. On this note, let’s start a needlessly academic write up. I hope you’ll deem it an enjoyable or educative read.

Writers tend to find inspiration in reality, and manga authors aren’t dispensed from that. It is visible in Jigokuraku, notably with the Aza siblings, Toma and Chôbe. These two characters, through their backstory, find themselves both in and out of society, influenced by it, yet rejecting it. In this first part of the full analysis of our good brothers, we’ll study the family model that was historically prevalent during the Edo period, the roles of the elder and younger brothers in the family, and what we can infer on the siblings’ respective personality based on those informations.

1. Definition of the Ie family model

Based on the historical references given by the characters, it is possible not only to pinpoint the period during which the story takes place (Edo period), but it is also possible to estimate a general time period based on the references to 47 rônin and the Kaitai Shinshou. Based on these informations, we can roughly establish the time of the story as between late 1710 and early 1730.

This time period generally tends to provide us with prime examples of the Ie family model, which is the family model that follows the Uji model (household/clan) that developed during the Heian period. The Ie model is initially found in the samurai cast, but later spread to the lower cast of Japanese society (merchants, craftsmen and farmers) to organise it according to both a symbolic and corporate perspective through the roles of its members (“Ie and Dôzoku - Family and descent in Japan” by Shimizu Akitoshi, 1987). The Ie model is based on a patriarchal system in which the head of the family has power not only over his wife and children, but over his younger siblings as well. It means, for example, that a younger sister couldn’t marry without her older brother’s consent, and a younger brother couldn’t quit the household without his older brother’s consent either – else it’d be perceived as desertion, which isn’t the best of things in the samurai cast.

A specificity of this family model is the use of titles rather than names (with the appropriate suffix attached to it). These titles serve to put an emphasis on the role of the family member over his or her persona. In “Socialisation for Achievement: Essays on the cultural psychology of the Japanese” (pages 44-45), George A. De Vos explains that titles such as Ototo (“little brother”, how Chôbe calls Toma) are such titles and put it as follows: “there is a sense of security attached to the role in that the individual knows he can maintain himself within the protective armor of his role position”.

The Ie model is seen with the Aza siblings, described in chapter 9 as being the sons of a samurai operating as a vassal to the Lord of Akô. We’ll see how it applies to them in-story, based on what we know of their past and mostly chapter 9, as it is the chapter in which both brothers are introduced along their past.

2. Chôbe and social expectations: a bitter tale

The first thing we learn about Chôbe is how strong he is. Not just physically, but mentally as well. External points of view paints him as a dangerously capable man, able to become the head of a group of bandits despite his youth, able to send a man flying up to six meters with a kick... And his adaptability, as his little brother mentions more than once throughout the manga – because Chôbe isn’t the one doing the talking in their story. “Every single time, he instantly digested goings-on, adapted to them, and in the end came out on top, to conquer it all”, says Toma in chapter 9. And it’s true, the narration showed us how resourceful Chôbe is – borderline crazy at times, even (as per chapter 30, it’s a human arm Chôbe, please stahp).

Then we get Chôbe’s direct point of view in chapters 9 and 49, and it tells us so much more about him, in more than one way. The thing that struck me most is the way we get his own flashbacks. It’s not explained, it’s showed with a handful of panels.What can we take from that? Well, the obvious would be how action-oriented he is, a show, don’t tell type of person. The less obvious would be the lack of actual words relating to his past. Both times, the flashbacks immediately lead to an extremely negative reaction, Chôbe is furious and let us know by going on a rampage. Even worse, it’s words that trigger his fury, words such as “murder is a sin” that sound way too much like “the crimes of a lord are the crimes of his vassals, his sins their sins” (chapter 9). Even worse, as of chapter 49, we see that the simple thought of samurai is enough to have him completely lose his mind out of sheer anger (“It’s making me mad. Eyesore. In my way. Kill.”), to the point he accidentally hurt his own beloved brother. These flashbacks allow us an interesting reading of Chôbe: he is strong, but still clearly damaged by what happened to him, to the point it becomes one of his Berserk Buttons and the one on the receiving hand doesn’t get out of it unscathered. To the point he still doesn’t put many words on it. To the point he rejects society’s rules and gleefully becomes what society claimed he was during his childhood, because this very society let him and his family down, indirectly led to his parents’ death, got him and his little brother in a terrible situation despite their innocence. This failing is also the reason why he despises his father so much: dad fought for revenge, sure, but still followed the rules in place and failed to stay alive afterwards. With everything we know, of course Chôbe will see him as a fool with no ambition, as opposed to himself, his survival instinct and adaptability. Why would he even act like the proper son of a samurai, when it only leads to a lot of trouble?

Funnily enough, there’s still a bit of society’s rules left in his behaviour, and it’s visible in the way the dynamic with his brother is shown.

3. Toma: the younger brother must follow

We had quick shots of Toma early in the story, but he’s been truly introduced in chapter 9, in a truly interesting manner. The very first thing we see is his skill with the blade and the praises he receives, a prodigy who rose in the ranks of the apprentices in only a month, a feat never seen before. Yet, his first thought sounds like a philosophy of life: “The meaning of strength... Is change”. As soon as he shares this thought with the reader, we’re lead to the actual goal: getting his brother out of jail by infiltrating the Asaemon. Immediately, Toma proceeds to share more of his thought on change: “and what is ‘change’? Change is shifting one’s outward form as the situation demands”. Well, it does seem to be precisely what he did with his successful infiltration and is shown having a nice little chat with Chôbe as he keeps explaining his definition of change, because Toma is quite the chatty one. “It’s the speedy comprehension, and acceptance, of the situation at hand. Even if there may be times that are awfully difficult to understand...” At this point, we’re switching from the flashback in prison to the current situation our brothers are in, which involves a group of Soshin as the welcoming committee on the island. At this point, Toma stutters and seems at loss, while Chôbe is asking a practical question regarding the creatures they are facing, before immediately taking action. And here, Toma’s monologue suddenly focuses on Chôbe: “he always instantly takes it in, that is what makes my brother strong”. But is it really a sudden focus? Wasn’t it all about Chôbe from the start, even though it felt like Toma sharing his personal view on life rather than the way he perceives his brother? These pages, which are only the start of chapter 9, already tell us a lot about Toma: his brother comes first, and Toma himself takes a step back even when he accomplishes spectacular feats all by himself: he does it all for the sake of his brother, his own will doesn’t matter as much.

And this admiration and respect he has for his brother is further justified with yet another flashback, during which Toma keeps telling us how skilled Chôbe is at adapting and dealing with all the misfortunes they had to face since childhood. Condemned for the mistakes of their lord? Toma is shaken and seems too young to fully understand the situation, Chôbe doesn’t show any specific emotion. Their mother passes away due to illness? Toma cries, like any kid losing their mother would, but Chôbe remains fairly composed. Same story with the execution of their father, the brothers being reduced to begging on the side of the road and getting caught by a group of bandits. Again, Toma keeps expressing his admiration towards his brother and his adaptability, how it keeps helping him come out on top. And everytime, Toma puts himself as the one who follows big brother, because big brother is the best and always knows what to do. Because if he can’t follow with the change, he becomes unnecessary to his brother. After all, Chôbe himself told him so, back when they were living with the bandits: “Quit yer cryin’, Toma! If you show weakness like that, you’re only begging to die! If you don’t know what’s right or wrong, then just believe in me! I’m your big bro, and a big bro is his little brother’s guidepost, I’m always right! Always and everytime!”

Funnily enough, as soon as Toma reminisces those words, we’re back to present again with Chôbe stating his new awesome revised plan: taking the elixir of life for themselves. He grins as he utters thee words, and right at the next panel, Toma shows us the exact same grin as he agrees yet expresses his thought concerning the difficulties they may encounter as they keep going, and how it may get worse the longer they stay on the island.

4. Orderly outsiders

Based on what has already been said about the Ie family model typical of the Edo period and especially prevalent in samurai families, as well as what has been inferred about the Aza brothers based on the informations given to us by chapters 9 and 49, we can draw some conclusion about the way they perceive themselves, their past, each other, and how their rejection of the social order that abandoned them despite their innocence doesn’t stop them from following certain social codes – the very codes that make them a real family according to the rules of society.

First thing first, their self-awareness. It seems Chôbe is better at it than Toma, as he knows what he can do and what he can improve, while Toma consistently put himself in the background, even when he could legitimately pat himself on the back a bit. Second, Toma seems to be better at putting words on their past than Chôbe. Way better at it, even, since he pushes the reflection as far as justifying his brother’s strength by the way he handled everything until now. Chôbe, on the other hand, barely puts any words on the few memories we see – memories we probably wouldn’t be able to comprehend without Toma’s point of view and explanations -, and the little words he expresses about it immediately lead to rage and brutality, the physical expression of a pain that runs deep and seems to never be properly addressed. This is where things become interesting: by becoming the big brother and the unofficial head of the family through unfortunate circumstances, Chôbe clearly seems to have repressed his own feelings in order to take the lead and move forward. Toma perceives himself as the little brother who must follow, as is the role of the proper little brother in the Ie family model. This perception goes as far as Toma describing himself as merely an extension of his brother, and not his own person. And it’s sad, really sad, because we’ve seen what Toma is capable of on his own, we’ve seen how much trust Chôbe himself puts in him. Which is why I think both of them being separated as of chapter 50 can lead to a lot of good for Toma, who’ll have to rely solely on himself and so will have to change his perception of himself. Considering his abilities, I personally believe it can only lead to a positive outcome for him [ETA: bless be chapter 54 IT’S HAPPENING I’m so proud of you Toma]. As for Chôbe, the situation may be more difficult for him – and no, I’m not just talking about his encounter with Rien. Accidentally injuring his brother is the one thing that made him get a hold of himself again in chapter 49 and 50, and generally speaking, he does what he does for the sake of protecting his little brother – he even sacrificed his right eye as a kid for his sake. In my opinion, Toma acts like the hoops that keep Chôbe together. Remove the hoops, and things may go horribly wrong. However, I do trust his survival instinct to be strong enough for him to figure a way out. I just hope he won’t lose it again, because this time it may be difficult for him to get control of the situation again.

And with that, I conclude the first part, which is longer than expected! However, I wanted to explain various things that’ll be mentioned in the next part, so we’re all clear. The next part should also be shorter, since it’ll be less focused on canon information and more of an opinion-based (and less academic) piece according to what we know for now. Again, I hope you found this write up enjoyable or informative. I certainly did enjoy working on it, and it led to my newfound appreciation of Toma. Please, love this guy, he deserves it.

Sources

Ie and Dôzoku - Family and Descent in Japan

Socialization for Achievement: Essays on the Cultural Psychology of the Japanese

[lightsandlostbells]

Skam season 3, episode 10 (season finale) reaction

Finally I got this done! Sorry it took such a long time to wrap up this season, I’ve just been tired and busy over the last month. And, you know, maybe I wasn’t in a rush to say goodbye to S3 again.

Thank you for everyone who has been reading these and commenting, liking, reblogging, etc. I have gotten so many wonderfully kind remarks on these posts, and I loved hearing people’s own thoughts on their S3 viewing experience or their interpretation of the story. Not to sound overly dramatic, but it made my day to hear from you. Also, I am aware these posts are not short, lmao, so thank you for taking the time to read my ramblings. 

Also want to thank @skamenglishsubs for doing the subtitled episodes and for contributing clarifications on Norwegian language!

Episode 10

Clip 1 - Minutt for minutt

This is my favorite clip in all of Skam.

O Helga Natt is breath-taking, cinematic, and spectacular. I cried buckets when I saw it the first time, but Minutt for minutt is the clip that puts tears in my eyes every single time I watch it. It is simple, honest, and kind. It’s in this clip that I truly feel like everything is going to be okay.

If O Helga Natt is a parallel scene to 21:21, its mirror in structure and symbolism, then Minutt for minutt is a parallel to Hjernen er alene. In both clips we open on Isak and Even in bed Saturday morning, and the camera doesn’t leave the bed except with the presence of an outsider to the Evak sphere (Eskild in Hjernen er alene, Sonja in Minutt for minutt). In both clips Isak’s bed is a safe zone, a place of comfort for both the boys. In Hjernen er alene we are introduced to Even’s depressive tendencies via hints; in Minutt for minutt we confront them head-on. In Hjernen er alene, Even seems to be the one doing more of the comfort-giving role, holding Isak and stroking his back as Isak talks about what lead him to move into the flat, while Isak doesn’t really understand Even’s hints at depression; In Minutt for minutt it’s Isak’s turn to take on the role of comforting and holding Even, aware of what Even is going through. In Hjernen er alene, Even asks if he can stay with Isak forever; in Minutt for minutt, Isak’s lesson learned is not to think about the future, or forever, but to take things one day at at time.

Does anyone else get chills as the piano starts over the black screen, before we even get to Isak and Even? It’s so haunting. 

The song, “Lantern” by The White Birch, is so beautiful and sets the tone of the scene perfectly. It’s gentle, like resting in bed, watching someone sleep. It’s not too forceful or overwhelmingly powerful, but calm and careful. This is one of my favorite soundtrack choices in the series.  

There’s one lyric in particular that encapsulates part of what I love about this scene:

I prayed for newborn skies / to lift me up so high 

What I think I love about this song choice, and specifically about this lyric, is that it’s not even about everything being okay, or Isak being in love with Even and standing by him. It is about hope. Praying for things to get better. Hoping they will. But it’s a prayer, not a promise. And it’s that sentiment that really moves me. Because of course Isak will be here for Even, of course Isak will try to make things right, as best as he can. But when it comes down to it, there is no guarantee that things will be okay. Everything may fall apart. What matters, what makes this scene so incredibly moving that I’m tearing up just typing about it, is having full knowledge that failure is an option, but believing it’s still worth it to try anyway. It’s worth it to keep a vigil over the person that you love as they go through the dark hours. There’s something very selfless and brave about it.

Just as an aside, I enjoyed how you saw the lighting change at various points in the clip to show the sun coming up - that makes sense with the literal passage of time, obviously, but also as a reflection of the song’s lyrics. Hoping for those newborn skies, waiting for the sun to come out. Getting through the darkness. 

We cut from the black screen to Isak in bed, facing Even, eyes open, while Even sleeps. That one image says it all. If you were wondering what happened after O Helga Natt, Isak took Even home and they went to bed and Isak watched over him. He’s determined to make sure Even is okay.

I remember people were really relieved that Even was finally getting some sleep, after dealing with insomnia all season (his manic episode, as well as “I don’t sleep cuz sleep is the cousin to death”) and then other people explained that no, it’s not really that great. It’s not just about Even getting some rest, it’s that he’s depressed so he doesn’t have the energy to do more than sleep.

Sleep is such a recurring image this season, too, something we see both Isak and Even struggle with, for different reasons. We’ve seen Isak sleep, especially when he had Even in his bed, but so far we haven’t seen Even sleep at all. I think Isak got a lot of peace at certain points when his relationship with Even seemed to be on a good path (not to mention when issues with his family and friends weren’t so fraught), but Even’s big issue has been hanging over his head all season, until this point. It makes sense we’ve never seen him asleep.

I love that they’re so still, Even because he’s asleep, obviously, but Isak is just lying there watching Even. So steadfast. Like he’s so relieved to have him back, and aware of how lucky he is, but also aware that he needs to be there for him, that the hard part isn’t over.

Similar to the hotel scene, we cut to black again, to signify the passage of time, or periods of rest (Isak closes his eyes in the first shot like he’s drifting off). But we cut back to the bed when Even rolls over, as if that startled Isak back to full consciousness.

When Even rolls over, some of his back is exposed, and Isak tries to stretch the blanket and smooth it down so that Even is covered. That little gesture punches a hole in my soul. It’s so small, and like, it’s not even gonna work with the way that comforter is positioned, but he has to do this one tiny thing, anything to make Even more comfortable. It’s so nurturing and attentive.

Then we black out again and when we come back, Isak has used himself to cover the exposed part of Even’s back where the comforter won’t rest. He’s spooning Even to keep him warm. One of my favorite images. One of the smallest gestures and one of the most meaningful.

We get Isak lying on his back looking at Even and holding his phone to his chest as the song ends. He’s clearly considering contacting someone, and soon Isak texts Sonja. He’s very polite, considering where they left off in the hotel clip. He’s being responsible, knowing that Even’s parents might be worried about him, especially since Even is depressed - I mean, who knows what Even was doing or what happened earlier in the week? I hope that Even didn’t also leave his parents suicide notes or anything - I doubt it, honestly. I think if he had, they’d be a lot more frantic, Sonja would know and would be calling Isak.

Isak also apologizes and says that he’s sorry if Even isn’t well because of him. First of all, ouch that Isak would even think this? I know why he would, Sonja implied as much, that Isak was making Even’s condition worse, and Even’s text message suggests that some of this sadness is related to Isak even if it’s not necessarily Isak’s fault, if you get me. It stings. But also - consider reading that from Sonja’s POV. I think now that she’s had time to cool down from the hotel incident, she might realize that her words to Isak were harsher than necessary. And possibly she’s realized since then that Even really does love Isak. She’s had time to think about it or observe Even this week and realize that it’s not just mania causing those feelings. So reading that, she might understand that she should apologize to Isak.

Look how small Even looks in bed, by the way. This whole scene is such a turnaround from the charming, confident Norwegian James Dean we have seen previously in the season, the guy that got Isak’s (and our) attention in the first place. We’ve gotten glimpses of Even’s more vulnerable side, but nothing compared to what we see here and in O Helga Natt.

After sending the text, Isak just lies there with the phone on his chest, as if he wants it to be there at a moment’s notice in case he hears back from her. When the phone starts to ring, Isak gets out of bed. Again, the only time the camera leaves the closeup of the two of them in bed is when an outsider bursts the Evak bubble. (Also, Isak goes into the hall doesn’t shut the bedroom door; it’s like he wants to be aware of Even at all times and be there for him the moment he starts to wake up.)

The acting between Tarjei and Theresa on the phone is really good. I don’t know if how they recorded this conversation, if Julie had them act off each other or if they recorded separately, but I think they nailed the tone of it, especially at the beginning. This is an awkward conversation, but not an angry one. Isak is talking to someone who lashed out at him. Sonja is talking to someone she lashed out at, and is regretting it. They didn’t end on a good note last time. Plus, you know, Even dumped Sonja for Isak. Still that factor. Automatic awkward.

Just a note: Theresa had a tough role this season. For much of it she was playing the obstacle, the person you yell at to go away when she shows up in episode 2 and interrupts the developing Evak relationship (well, maybe not you personally, but I’ve seen my fair share of Skam reactions on YouTube). We don’t know much about Sonja, Even paints her in a negative light, she’s not the one we’re rooting for. So in a lot of ways, that was a pretty thankless task. However, I think she did a good job with the material she was given, and in this last scene of hers manages to give her character a lot of humanity. 

Listen to that awkward “hi” from both of them. Sonja sounds tired or resigned. She explains that Even sent his parents a text message. So she’s in touch with his parents. I wonder if Even disappeared Friday night (or earlier that day) and it got them worried, so they were already texting about it. Because otherwise I’m not sure how Sonja would know so quickly that Even sent his parents a text. Maybe if Even texted her and said don’t worry, I let my parents know where I am. (There’s just a ton that I want to know about this relationship between Even and Sonja - I don’t ship it in the slightest, and obviously it’s a mess in its current state, but it’s so important to Even’s backstory and his state of mind going into this season that I’d love a further peek at it.)

Now with the issue of the text message out of the way, that actually should be the end of the conversation, no? The technical business is sorted out. They could just ignore the emotional bits. But Sonja says she called to apologize for last time. Isak sounds genuinely surprised about this. I really think he didn’t harbor any resentment toward her at all? In fact, I don’t recall Isak blaming Sonja for anything during this season. At most he’s sad when she’s with Even, and I guess he might resent her as someone who has what he can’t, but it’s not like he hates her personally. And he didn’t seem upset that she said what she did because of her. 

But he says it’s fine so quickly. She says she didn’t mean to get angry with him, that it wasn’t his fault at all, and he says he understands that she was just worried. See, this is why I like Isak. Despite his rough demeanor, he listens to people. He has empathy.

And it’s why I like Sonja, too, despite her being a minor character and despite her flaws. She got that she took out her feelings in the heat of the moment on Isak. Even though Isak did wrong her by cheating with Even (and I mean, that’s mostly on Even but I’m of the opinion that if you hook up with someone you know has a significant other, you are doing wrong by that other person, you shouldn’t do that to someone) she still apologized for the part where she had faltered.

Sonja is just kind of like, Mm, after Isak says that he understands she was worried. I think this is a tough conversation, obviously. She probably doesn’t really want to do it for various reasons - it’s not fun to apologize, especially over something so delicate, and she’s talking to her ex boyfriend’s new boyfriend, the person he chose over her. But she makes a point of saying it’s not Isak’s fault Even is depressed, as Isak suggested in his text. He’s bipolar. She really sounds resigned, in my opinion. She has dealt with Even’s bipolar disorder for a while, she has taken care of him, for better or worse. But she wasn’t able to fix him, and now she’s having to let him go. Still, this is kindness from her. She’s not letting Isak blame himself for something she knows isn’t accurate.

I think Sonja really wants to get off the phone at this point, since it’s probably really hard for her on multiple levels, but Isak asks her if he should get Even to his parents. Right now, through this episode, he’s thinking about what’s best for Even. He’s not going to force Even to do what Isak thinks is best for him, but he’s still got that in mind. 

I don’t know exactly when Isak made the connection between his comment about not wanting to be around mentally ill people and Even then breaking things off with him and later hiding that he was bipolar from Isak - I’m sure he figured it out. But I think Isak is also keeping that moment in mind this episode. I think he realized he had been shitty about that, and he’s trying to make up for it. He has to prove that he’s staying by Even’s side and that he was wrong, he’s not better without mentally ill people in his life.

Sonja says that she thinks it’s best for Even to be with Isak. You know … think about the implications of that statement. A week ago she was telling Isak to stay away. I wonder if in the week that’s followed, she’s seen Even, possibly when he was very depressed, and realized Even really did love Isak and want to be with him. I wonder if she’s thought about Even’s behavior when he was with Isak. I wonder if she’s reconsidered not just Even and Isak’s relationship, now that she’s not stressed and worried in a moment of crisis, but Isak as well. I mean, here Isak is contacting her and telling her about Even’s whereabouts. He’s being responsible, and he’s looking out for Even. He’s not just this irresponsible kid who’s making Even smoke weed or who’s so helpless and ignorant she has to come fix things. Isak might have more potential than she realized. And I think she also sees that she’s not the only one who can support Even, that she has to let go of him, and Even should be with the person he really wants to be with.

Isak smiles a little after she says that. It’s just a brief statement from her but he knows that there’s a ton of meaning behind that, considering what she told him last time - she’s changed her mind. How good it must feel for him to hear that from Sonja, Even’s long-term girlfriend, that it’s good for Even to be with Isak. His reaction is a mixture of pride and happiness, maybe. It’s implicit approval of their relationship, implicit acceptance that Even has moved on from Sonja and is now with Isak. That it’s real between Even and Isak and not just a sick idea in his head.

By now Sonja really wants to get off the phone, lmao, but Isak still isn’t done. He asks whether there’s anything he can do for Even. When Sonja says, “Not really,” it makes me sad for her? Like I can tell behind that statement, there’s someone who really loved/loves Even and watched him go through hell and deal with depression, and has realized by now that you can’t just snap him out of it. She’s sad that there’s not more she or anyone can do for him. It makes you think about her actions - and I’m not justifying her being controlling or trying to tell Even how he feels, but you have to wonder if she hoped she could just snap him out of his worst periods. If she wishes she could have done more but realizes she couldn’t. Man, I find Sonja so interesting despite being having such a small amount of screen time!

“You just have to be there for him.”

Sonja gives some of the best advice in the series. She’s been there with Even in the bad times. When everything seems hopeless, just take it one day at a time. Then an hour, then a minute. That says so much about how hard it can get, that sometimes even an hour is too much to bear, you have to go down to just a minute. Like both she and Even went through this, it seemed hopeless for both of them, Even in his depression and Sonja watching him be depressed. That advice is simple but so powerful. It’s so hopeful and such a good way of approaching pain and depression. It’s good advice for anyone struggling, really, not just people who are bipolar or depressed.

As some who has been depressed and who has dealt with a lot of other mental illness BS ... this is one of the most helpful pieces of advice I’ve ever gotten from media. Something that happens when you deal with depression is that suddenly everything becomes magnified in a bad way, and set in stone in a hopeless way. It’s not just that things are bad today, it’s that they will never get better. It’s not just that you messed up this one thing, it’s that you’ve destroy everything in your whole life and you’re going to continue to ruin the rest of it. Your brain traps you in this endless cycle of your past mistakes and your current mistakes and that propels you into your future mistakes, until everything seems bleak. Taking things minute by minute is a way to approach life and its struggles in a more manageable way, it helps to remember that when everything seems too big.

In my last post about episode 9, I included a draft of a post that I wrote about O Helga Natt back in 2016. I also found one that I wrote in either late 2016/early 2017, that referred to this clip.

i’ve been really depressed lately - for no reason, just because that’s how my brain works - and i want to thank the Norwegian teenies for coming along at just the right time, because the way Skam depicted mental illness and especially Even’s depressive episode in the last two episodes actually helped me and I can’t think of the last time a work of fiction gave me some good life advice that genuinely made me feel better

i’m not sure if this was the intended wisdom but not only did “minutt by minutt” help, just the depiction of a depressed character having a string of shitty days and this being … kind of a normal thing - that helped. not that you should be tolerating depression as just a thing you’ll get through, don’t seek treatment for it, bootstraps etc. but in the sense that yeah, sometimes you have bad periods with depression, some days hit you harder than others. but getting to hear about Isak and the flat taking care of Even and Sonja’s being kind of matter-of-fact about it … honestly, that gave me the ability to look at my own bad days as something that i can handle.

the day after Christmas, I didn’t want to get out of bed, I was so tired and empty and I couldn’t even focus on watching Netflix or whatever. but instead of getting lost in my own negative thoughts, I was able to process it as, “OK, this is not going to be a good day. Instead of trying to punish yourself for not feeling good, just accept that this isn’t going to be a good day, and that’s fine. You don’t have to feel like you wasted a day. You can get through this and start again tomorrow.” and that was specifically due to what happened in episode 10. So I want to thank this show for making me feel a little better.

The music starts again over Sonja’s speech, as Isak watches over Even sleeping again. Keeping a vigil, keeping the lanterns lit.

Even stirs and finally wakes up. He takes a moment to take in his surroundings and remember that, oh yeah, he’s with Isak at his place. He seems like he finds it hard to look at Isak and quickly averts his gaze and looks at the ceiling, the wall, not at Isak. Probably because he still can’t believe he’s here, with Isak, and probably because of what he says to him in a moment - he’s convinced he will hurt Isak, he thinks he doesn’t deserve to have Isak here with him.

I know that the thing with Even’s eyes fluttering was apparently just Henrik’s random reflex, lmao, but it’s very effective and makes him seem like he’s struggling to keep them open. He just seems so tired. His normally energetic, charismatic self has been completely drained. We’ve never seen him like this, not even the hints in like the cuddle scene were this strong. Henrik turned off all the light inside of him. He’s staring at nothing.

Not to get super personal again, but his performance in this scene felt so familiar that I got a pain in my gut. I have been in Even’s shoes, I recognize some of how this goes, how you hardly have the strength to muster up speech, or you react more slowly to certain things. He does such an excellent job here. Now that we’ve seen the bloopers, too, working out the positions on the bed for this scene, it seems like he was trying very hard to stay in Even’s mindset throughout, which must have been rough.

Isak asks if Even is hungry. Even doesn’t even reply to that. He takes time to answer, like it’s harder to focus or collect his thoughts. Like he’s drifting. He does ask Isak what time it is after a moment.

Even says, very quietly, that he should go. Because he doesn’t want Isak to lie there and feel like he has to look after him. Even, baby, no. It’s not a burden for Isak to be with you. You aren’t a burden. That says so much about how he feels about himself, that he’s a burden, an obligation, something for people to take care of. He’s preventing Isak from doing other things. Again, this is such an accurate depiction of depression. During this scene I got chills because it was so close to my experience, the fatigue, the guilt. The sense of resigned certainty that things were never going to get better. The emptiness.

Isak says he doesn’t feel like he’s looking after Even. He’s doing this because he loves Even and wants him to be okay, not because he feels like he has to. But also, why is it wrong for Isak to look after Even? It’s so natural for Isak to want to do so because he loves Even and wants to be a part of his life.

Even says there’s nothing wrong with it, but that he doesn’t want Isak to lie there and feel sad. Basically, he doesn’t want to bring people down with him. Evennnnn. Noooooo.

Isak says he’s not sad, quietly. Kinda like how Even said he wasn’t sad in the locker room scene, except in very different contexts. Isak has to do a lot more work to reassure Even here. Isak seems surprised that Even would even think he was sad. Like Isak knows he loves Even, of course he would be here.

Even takes forever to reply. He lets out a heavy sigh. So much sighing, as if it’s a struggle. It’s so quiet you can hear him swallowing.

“I just know that this isn’t gonna work.” This resonates so much. That feeling that you know it’s going to end. You just know. Depression brings about such seeming clarity, like you don’t doubt that everything is hopeless, you feel it in your bones. But damn, Even is thinking that it won’t work out because of him. He already hurt Isak. He wants it to work, he loves Isak, but he thinks it won’t.

Isak doesn’t get too upset, vocally, but you can tell he’s appalled and horrified by this idea. Why on earth would Even say that? That’s the last thing Isak wants to consider.

“Because it’s true.” Again, that certainty. Even says he’ll hurt Isak and then Isak will hate him. Even’s insecurities and vulnerabilities are so painful! He doesn’t want to hurt Isak, it’s something he fears. And he doesn’t want Isak to hate him, because to be hated by someone he loves so much is awful. Like, it’s better in his mind just to cut Isak loose to go find a happy life than to stick around long enough for Isak to resent him (“the only way to have something forever is to lose it”).

Also something that’s accurate to depression - how easy it is to disregard people telling you that you’re not worthless, how easy it is to forget that people love you and care about you. Isak just ran to Even last night and hugged him and kissed him and made his love abundantly clear, but Even is probably already filing that away as, well, Isak won’t feel that way for long, Isak will just be sad, it’s not worth it.

And then - this incredible moment.

After a long pause, in which Isak lies there considering Even, staring at him, working out what Even is saying - Isak just says, “No.” Just no. So forcefully and with such certainty that I want to hug him. Even goes from staring at the ceiling to looking at Isak. He’s taken aback. Maybe he thought Isak might come back at him with more soft words and assurances, but I don’t think he was expecting for Isak to call bullshit.

What I love, love, LOVE about Isak’s dialogue here is that it’s not like … flowery or romantic. It’s not a big speech. “I love you, Even, I’ll always be here for you, we’re soulmates,” etc. All the cliches of a dramatic TV speech. This dialogue is instead so distinctly Isak that it’s brilliant. It’s a 17-year-old boy, who’s often blunt and unsentimental, putting his feelings into words that are equally blunt and unsentimental. In a lot of TV shows, these big romantic speeches are generic and interchangeable, they sound the same across canons, within canons, everywhere. They’re trying to be epic, but they all sound alike because they come back to the same general grandiose concepts. But this speech? You could not mistake this speech coming from any other character but Isak. It’s so specific to Isak and to Isak/Even.

Isak just directly shuts down all of Even’s catastrophic thinking, his negative outcomes. You don’t know shit about how this is going to end! Well, he’s right? Depression makes you certain of hopelessness, and Isak doesn’t sugarcoat it, he cuts right through the cloudy haze and says, nah, you don’t know that.

In Tarjei’s delivery is a touch of fear, like he really wants Even to understand, but in this moment he’s afraid Even will pull away again and he’ll lose him once more, and that’s coming through. Isak isn’t certain of anything. But there’s also this fierceness and determination, this strength, and that’s what truly makes the moment. 

Isak says that maybe a nuke will get dropped on them tomorrow, and this is a waste of time to discuss. Again - he’s right! It’s not a bad thing to discuss long-term dynamics of relationships, of course. But Even’s depressive speculation is pointless. You can never predict what’ll happen. This time they spend debating whether Even will hurt Isak - not worth it. It’s time they could spend together, enjoying the moment.

Even is so taken aback, struck by Isak’s blunt descriptions and his certainty. Like Isak is not pulling away, he’s not letting Even go. He’s just telling Even how it’s gonna be.

“So I suggest you stop talking about the future and then the two of us will take this thing completely chill.” God. GOD. I love it. You know what? Previously this season, we’ve had so many comments about time and forever - Can I stay in here with you forever? and You’re the man of my life and Even asking how many Isaks and Evens are lying in bed right now and Isak answering infinitely many, in infinite time. Big, sweeping statements about long periods of time. And those are all wonderful and beautiful and romantic. But there’s a lot of underlying pressure in them. You gotta get everything perfect, you gotta be constantly thinking about the long run, everything needs to be epic and big. And in this episode, we whittle down those long overwhelming periods of time, the future, infinity, forever, to the short term. Minute by minute. Now. Living in the present. Not putting these huge standards or expectations on oneself, both good and bad. Which is probably the healthiest approach when you’re teenagers in a relationship.

And Isak is again saying, I’m not letting you push me away, I’m not going to let you overthink this and pull back, I’m not going to let you think you’re a monster. We’re just going to hang in here together.

Even is stunned by this, he keeps running his eyes over Isak’s face as if in disbelief. What is even happening? He didn’t expect this.

And here we get one of the most romantic exchanges I have heard in my life. While Even is processing what Isak said, Isak goes on to say, “Let’s play a game. It’s called Isak and Even, minutt for minutt.”

He puts his hand on Even’s cheek. A little awkwardly, like he’s still figuring this out. Like he isn’t entirely certain of what he’s doing or if this is going to work, but he has to try, anyway. Even has initiated a lot of the physical contact in the start of their relationship, but here’s Isak initiating, taking charge. He wants Even to feel the touch and understand Isak is here and he’s not going anywhere. He’s not sure of everything, but he’s determined.

“The only thing we need to worry about is the next minute.” Essentially putting Even’s fears at rest, saying, don’t worry about your worst nightmares coming true. We’re going to get through this together, one minute at a time. 

Isak strokes the hair behind Even’s ear. Even whispers, “OK,” like he can hardly talk, he hardly has the energy. But he’s listening to what Isak is saying. He’s not sure this will work, either, but he’s willing to try.

“What are we going to do this minute?” / “This minute we’ll kiss.” End me. One of the most romantic exchanges ever. So simple! So reassuring! Even being so tentative, like maybe he’s thinking this just might work! Isak not putting a ton of pressure on Even, proposing just a kiss! Something small and easy that they can feel and understand!

And oh boy, isn’t Even’s reaction gorgeous? The pause and then the smallest smile, the first hint of a smile from him in this clip. Even’s smile is one of the most striking features about him and not seeing makes us thirsty for it. But he gives the tiniest smile, a sign that he’s on board, and says that’s chill. Isak says that’s chill. It’s chill, it doesn’t need to be anything else.

They kiss. Isak gets in a nose rub at first. He clutches the side of Even’s face, placing himself there. Even is bundled up in blankets and Isak is firmly planting his hand on Even.

We cut from the beginning of the kiss to the end, as the minute passes - Even looks so vulnerable kissing, like it’s still a lot of energy for him? His hand is clutching the blanket like he needs it around him. When he pulls away, it’s like he’s ready to go back to sleep. But even after Even pulls back from the kiss, Isak keeps stroking Even’s face and hair, and he gives a slow and steady nose rub. Again, it’s their grounding technique, it’s a reassurance that Isak is there for him.

The pacing of this scene is so good. I love the quiet, the pauses. This is just unhurried film-making, not afraid to take its time. Everything about this scene makes me calm. It’s like taking a deep breath of cool morning air.

As an aside, for almost two years the background on my phone has been Isak snuggled up to Even as he sleeps. Helps to have a reminder to take things one minute at a time.

Clip 2 - Fluffy Isak living his best life

This scene is a direct parallel and contrast to the one in episode 3, where Vilde goes up to Isak at the lockers and asks him about hosting a party, and then afterwards Isak sees Emma and goes up to her. In that scene in episode 3, Isak absolutely does not want to host the party and he’s making up excuses not to, including blaming his flatmates. Here he readily and warmly agrees to host. In the episode 3 scene, he goes up to Emma to make amends and spews a lot of fake flirting, with his fake hetero persona. Here he goes up to her and repeats the same line of calling himself an asshole to make amends, but he’s being honest with her. He’s not flirting, he’s just extending an olive branch.

Isak walks into school on his phone, talking to Eskild. He tells Eskild to let Even sleep. Eskild wonders if he should wake up Even. Isak tells him he asked him to keep an eye on Even because he’s depressed, not watch over him like a baby. CHEERS, ISAK 🙌 This is exactly right. Because Even is depressed (and had just sent Isak a suicide note), I don’t think it’s a great idea for him to be completely alone, especially when that’s one of his fears/anxieties. I mean, we’re trying to show Even that he isn’t alone. But Even is depressed, not helpless, and it would be wrong to smother him. He needs his agency. Isak is completely accurate, don’t treat Even like a baby. Isak may not be perfect, but he’s getting so much better in his understanding of mental illness.

Also, we’re trying to show how Isak has learned from Sonja’s mistakes or how Even didn’t like Sonja’s treatment of him, and I think part of that is giving Even space and not hovering or interfering too much.

Eskild leaves because he thinks Even woke up. Isak looks at his phone like, lmao, that’s Eskild being Eskild for you! I think Eskild can’t help but go into nurturing mode, he wants to take care of people. (You know, fandom talks a lot about Isak and Even as parents, but imagine Eskild as a parent? IDK if he’d ever have kids of his own or if he’d have a bunch of unofficial nieces and nephews, or if he’d just consider all the wayward teenagers he “adopts” to be his children, but Eskild would be such a helicopter parent.)

Also, in Isak’s locker of character development - he just opens his locker without any problems. He’s not even thinking about it, he’s just talking with Eskild on the phone. It’s no longer a problem. It’s not stuck, nothing’s spilling out. It’s not giving Isak grief.

What a beautiful and subtle way to indicate that Isak is now comfortably out of the closet. What a great payoff for something that might seem like a running gag but is actually insight into the main character’s mindset.

Isak looks fluffy as hell in this scene. You know how worn down he looks in episode 6? Here he’s radiating good health and happiness.

Vilde shows up. God, I love Isak and Vilde’s interaction, as messy as it may sometimes be. She asks if Isak saw the message she posted to kosegruppa, and Isak starts to laugh to himself, because out of all the drama of his life, all the shit that’s been happening the last few weeks, kosegruppa is still a thing, and he completely forgot about it. I don’t think we’ve heard about kosegruppa since episode 3 with the neon party? It was basically just a setup for Isak and Even to meet and interact. Which is perfectly fine! But it’s great that they brought it full circle and acknowledged it again, like this is kind of meta with Isak acknowledging that he forgot about kosegruppa, much like the audience had. (If only we had seen kosegruppa antics after this …. I wanted to see the squads baking together and spreading that cozy feeling!)

Vilde wants to know why Isak is laughing. Isak says he almost forgot kosegruppa existed. Vilde is aghast, practically. She asks whether Isak isn’t going to quit now. You can’t just join for the parties and skimp on the actual work for the revue!

And here’s one of my favorite Isak moments, a super underrated one. Isak takes a moment from clearly forgetting about kosegruppa to being like “Of course I’m still in kosegruppa! Who do you think I am?” It makes me smile SO much, because we saw Isak be grumpy and unimpressed with kosegruppa before, and give Vilde looks of boredom or irritation when she talked about it, but here fluffy Isak is humoring her and being nice. He’s making her happy, and the fact that she clearly is happy by what he says makes my heart so warm.

Vilde asks if they could host the kosegruppa Christmas party at Isak’s place, and after a short pause, Isak quickly agrees. Vilde is clearly surprised by this, asks if it’s OK with his flatmates, and Isak says he’s sure it’s fine. He’s so warm when he says this and he’s smiling at her, it’s beautiful. Like this is some Scrooge-level transformation.

I think Isak is in such a good place emotionally right now that he can’t help but extend it to other people. He’s got Even back and while things aren’t perfect, they’re taking this thing one minute at a time and there’s hope for the future. Additionally, he’s out of the closet and no longing live a fake heterosexual life. His friends accept him and he can be honest with them. He’s out to his parents and they’re fine with him, and it seems like his relationship with his mom can be salvaged. Basically every single thing, for the most part, that was causing Isak anxiety earlier in the season has now been solved. And because Isak is glowing inside, he’s willing to extend the kindness to others.

When Vilde leaves, Isak retrieves his book from his locker. Then he seems Emma down the hallway. With a little trepidation, he goes up to her. He greets her and the trepidation is mutual. Emma is awkward, too. You have to wonder what she’s thinking. Honestly, I think at this point, she does realize that she messed up? Or that it was her talking about Isak that got the rumors going and outed him to the school, and that it was wrong. Maybe that’s just me wanting to give her the benefit of the doubt that Emma regrets what she did, but Ruby plays it like she’s unsure, not like she’s still angry at Isak or annoyed by him.

I think the vibe between them in this scene is supposed to be that they both made mistakes and hurt each other. And I mean, that is true! Isak did hurt Emma by leading her on. It’s just that Emma ultimately did something I think was a lot worse - like, she would have gotten over that guy she made out with twice turning out to be gay and leading her on. Isak might not have gotten over being outed, it could have really damaged aspects of his life.

So it’s awkward, and Isak then brings up the inside joke of sorts from before, referencing “the asshole” who’s hosting the Christmas party and inviting her along, because he thinks that would be nice. Here he’s not inviting her because he plans to hook up with her, and they both know that. It’s a gesture of kindness. Let’s bury the hatchet.

Emma says she switched to the PR group, but that he should tell the asshole she’s glad he asked. She’s smiling and seems genuinely happy. Isak says the asshole will appreciate that. They say goodbye, clearly in a good mood, pleased about the interaction.

Well, in a lot of ways this outcome is pretty good? I think it’s for the best that Emma switched groups - she was only in kosegruppa to chase Isak, and switching will give her some distance from the experience and help her move on from whatever remaining hurt she feels. And I think that this is about the nicest resolution you could hope for, in a way - I don’t think Isak and Emma are going to become good friends, they don’t have a ton in common personally and they did hurt each other. I think it’s actually good she won’t be at the party (where she’ll be witnessing Isak and Even making out under the mistletoe, lmao) and she’ll get some space. But they’ve made peace and can be on good terms as casual acquaintances. Isak no longer has to run away when he sees Emma in the hallway, they can just smile and nod and acknowledge each other politely. Isak doesn’t have to pretend to be into her, either. He’s done with that part of his life.

But, if I’m gonna tweak this scene - because the Emma/outing plot is the only one that I had any substantial nitpicks for this season - I would make Emma more obviously realize or acknowledge that she had done something really bad in outing Isak. It would be nice if she apologized for it directly. But within the tone of this scene, you could even play it as her going along with Isak’s “the asshole” joke, maybe with her saying something like, “Well, there’s this asshole first year who feels really bad about opening her big mouth and she’s happy that the other asshole invited her.” You know, something self-deprecating like that. I would be fine with that? Just so it was clear she knows she messed up. I think it stands out because Sonja apologized for something wrong she had done, and Isak is apologizing for something wrong he had done, so Emma not apologizing kinda feels a little unfinished, like, hey, she did do something pretty bad, whether it was intentional or not.

I have no problem with Isak extending the olive branch and inviting Emma, for what it’s worth. He’s in a good place, he wants to make amends with people. I think he’s in such a good place that he wants to get rid of any animosity or more toxic relationships or beefs he has with people. Mostly, I wish we got more acknowledgment that Emma messed up, too, so it’s not all on Isak.

I’d also be fine with someone other than Isak stating more directly that being outed was a bad thing. I think they did a fine job of showing how Isak was affected negatively by it, and normally I prefer show don’t tell, but because Emma doesn’t directly apologize for it, I think it’d be worth it to do some ‘telling” if Emma herself doesn’t. IDK, someone like Even or Jonas not being ok with it, even if Isak is. (Although, lol, we know what eventually happened with Jonas and Emma...)

Ruby Dagnall really is a cutie and a talented actress, I feel bad that she plays one of the least popular, most disliked Skam characters. At least Sonja got some redemption and comes across much better in the whole series.

Still, this scene does provide some relief for Isak, that he’s put to rest one of the other problems he’s had recently. I’m sure he feels like there’s another weight off his back. 

Clip 3 - I saw you the first day of school

This delightful and intimate and tender scene!!!!

Isak does a meme-worthy appearance as he creeps into his own doorway to see Even and Linn playing FIFA. He’s so funny because he almost appears suspicious, like he expects to see Even and Linn cooking meth instead of playing video games. Or I guess because Even has been depressed and Linn is always depressed, that it’s very unusual to see them playing games with so much vigor.

Isak also gets this little smile, like he’s so relieved and happy that Even has come out of his depressive episode a bit. And because it’s just a charming moment to come across.

I love Linn getting so into the game, too, since we rarely see her that hyped. She is taking it very very seriously.

We all gotta appreciate Even’s “Hall-AAA” when Isak greets him. How can you pack so much charisma into a simple word?

Linn is just like, good, you’re home, I’m exhausted. Which kinda indicates that she had “Even duty” since there’s no other reason she needs to get up and leave that second. Unless she thinks the Evak make-outs are going to commence. Which they are.

Even says, “Sore loser?” and Linn is like, “I’m going to bed,” because of course she is. Even is so charming when he says that, though, like you really get how everyone just immediately falls in love with this guy, he’s so warm and open and he can tease someone like Linn who isn’t necessarily the most receptive person.

Even says it was good to hang out with Linn. I agree! We only get this one moment between them, but it’s a nice little detail. They both deal with depression and I don’t know if they have big talks about it or whatever, but they probably both get it, understand that part of each other, and it’s nice that we can see them hanging out. I bet it’s low stress to hang with Linn, too, like I adore Eskild but he’s going to want to be in Even’s face pushing him to do stuff. Linn is more chill.

I would have loved to see more clips of kosegruppa taking care of Even. I adore the texts, they say so much, but imagine watching Eskild taking care of Even and making him play board games? Noora bringing Even some tea? It really warms my heart how everyone decided to help Even, who’s essentially a stranger, because they were there for Isak. Well, OK, I think everyone is in love with Even, it’s hard not to be, so they came together to support him, too.

It is SUCH a relief to see Even smile at this point. Even’s smile is one of the most beautiful things about him and we were dying to see it again after watching him be so down, so when you see Even give Isak that genuine smile, it’s wonderful. And the glare from the TV is like reflecting off his eyes making him look even more magical, lol.

He also looks so fluffy in Isak’s hoodie. I think it’s a touch too small for him? But like Even cares, he’s wearing Isak’s clothes and that’s all that matters.

Isak kisses Even hello and we don’t really see it, but we sure hear it, with this loud smack and like this fond little hum from Isak, like he’s a contented cat. Kissing Even is just that enjoyable.

There’s a post that was like “Isak and Even do this thing where they greet each other in front of others and then when they’re alone they greet each other again, just for each other” and it makes my heart melt.

They fall back onto the bed and actually, that little detail is so sweet, too? They’re just getting comfortable, ready to talk about their days, catch up with each other.

L m a o, Isak adjusts his snapback when he lies down rather than just taking it off. Okay, kid.

Isak asks Even what’s up. I think Henrik does some excellent acting in this scene. I mean they both do, Tarjei’s always great, but Even is coming out of his depressive episode and he does some stuff here that’s not always vocalized. But here for instance, you can see Even’s question starting to form before he asks it. That touch of tongue to the teeth. That amusement in his eyes. And then his delivery which is like, a-ha, I caught you, but not accusatory or upset, he’s just amused. 

He asks Isak whether he asked all his flatmates to look after him. Even is not dumb, he realizes what happened with Isak’s roommates all swooping in to check on him, how he’s never alone in the flat. Someone’s always there. But I don’t think he’s upset about it, like he might be with Sonja. I mean … to be fair, Even did write Isak a goodbye text/suicide note a few days ago. And Isak has instructed Eskild at least not to hover and treat Even like a baby, so they’ve probably been getting along fine.

Isak is like, what? No. Even raises his magnificent eyebrows (not Jonas level, but Even can do some damn great things with them) and calls Isak out on being a bad liar. Actually I think Tarjei does some subtle but great acting with “Isak trying to lie.” He wasn’t comically obvious but he managed to convey that “yeah, I’m being too casual about too be truthful” vibe.

Isak and Even both laugh about Isak being a bad liar so you can tell neither of them is upset by this, it’s just a funny thing. Isak is like, no way I’m a bad liar. I’m the fucking master liar, there’s no one who’s a better liar than me! Which in itself is a GIANT FUCKING LIE, Isak, you are a terrible liar. Lying a lot is not the same thing as lying well. (Seriously, Isak almost always gets caught in his lies, or he ends up just fumbling for what to say.)

Also, how funny is it that Isak is again like, oh, you say I’m not good at this thing? Actually I am the BEST at this thing, I am the master of this specific thing Just like him being the master of holding his breath underwater. This kid has such a weird competitive streak and it’s all talk, he just can’t let an insult to his skills go without refuting it in an over-the-top way.

Isak: You have no idea what I’ve gotten away with! Even: Like what? Isak: No, you don’t want know. Which is funny on its own but also funnier if you’re keeping in mind Isak’s S1 shenanigans, of course. Which he did NOT get away with.

Anyway Even is charmed by all of this, his face lights up with laughter and a big smile. In return, Isak is charmed by Even’s happy self, as we all are, for Even is human sunshine. Isak touches Even’s face - Even dips his head so his lip catches Isak’s thumb, and that’s one of those small gestures that makes their chemistry so incredibly fucking good? Did Julie instruct that, or did Henrik react to Tarjei’s touch like that? I can’t tell. I could easily believe it was improv. But that kind of instinctive reaction, not just lying there as Isak touches him but reacting back, moving into it - that is why the Evak chemistry is unparalleled. They keep feeding off each other’s actions and energy, they want to be touching, they are 110% keyed into each other.

“I like seeing you laugh.” DON’T WE ALL.

No really, that’s got to be such a relief for Isak, that Even is laughing and smiling again. There’s the hope, there’s the light at the end of the tunnel. And I think Even can’t help but be amazed that Isak is still here. Isak stood by him through the worst period, and he’s here now touching Even and telling him what he likes about him.

Even’s gaze softens just a little again, like he’s not just brightly burning here with amusement, he’s already getting more fond and mesmerized by Isak. Good job, Henrik.

Isak’s phone is buzzing. He checks it and lets out a sigh of exasperation, telling Even that Vilde nags him so damn much about kosegruppa. Even, too, has forgotten about kosegruppa. Isak tells him what he learned from the previous clip, that Vilde is worried people only joined for the revue parties.

And here’s the bombshell: Isak is amused relating this detail to Even, but Even becomes thoughtful and serious when he says he was only there to meet Isak. I mean, HOLY SHIT. He drops it like it’s just this fact he has no qualms about sharing. In fact, he might even be surprised that Isak DIDN’T realize this by now.

Isak is of course, completely stunned. Wait, what? They are having this lighthearted conversation and laughing and then Even drops this rather big bit of information?

Even: “Did you think I was there to have fun?” I mean, I don’t know, dude, you’re kinda weird and artsy, so maybe it was your scene? Maybe you wanted some buns? (Well, he did want buns. Isak’s buns, baby. 😎)

Isak laughs a little, but he’s still completely flabbergasted by this bit of information. He asks Even if Even saw him before the first kosegruppa meeting. (And I mean, we know Even did, because Isak and him made eye contact in the cafeteria. What Isak means is, did you see me and check me out before kosegruppa?)

“I saw you the first day of school.” BOMBSHELL. CHANGES THE ENTIRE SEASON. Well, maybe not the entire season, but it absolutely re-frames Even’s behavior in the first few episodes and even throughout the later episodes.

Now while watching this season in real time, I figured Even was pining for Isak from the beginning, more or less, from episode 1. Like I really didn’t doubt that Even had real feelings for Isak, I never thought he was playing with Isak or messing around with him for fun. I never thought he was going to turn on Isak or lead him into a hate crime as some of the more bizarre theories suggested. And I had a heavy suspicion that Even went to the kosegruppa meeting to meet Isak. But what I figured was - Even saw this really cute boy in the cafeteria on Monday, they made eye contact, that one group of girls talked to both Even and Isak about their revue group, so hey, might as well be worth it to check out if the cute guy went to the meeting! So it seemed like a relatively short and straightforward timeline where Even spotted Isak for the first time and decided to go after him. But I had a few questions, such as: did Even really think Isak was going to show up? That’s a hell of a chance to take. I mean, the risk factor is pretty minimal, Isak wouldn’t be there and Even would just have to sit through this meeting and eat some bread and participate in some awkward group exercises until he could escape. But still - how confident was he that Isak would be there?

And Even having his eye on Isak from the beginning of the school year makes a lot of sense and helps explain why Even would take that chance! First of all, because he would have had plenty of time to learn Isak’s name from the first day of school, and therefore he could scope the signup sheet for it, because I bet Vilde or Sana put Isak on a list. That’s apparently how Emma found out Isak was going to kosegruppa, after all. Second, because if Even had been pining for THAT long, not just a few days, then I absolutely buy him taking a huge gamble like that. Because Even had a crush on Isak for weeks at this point, and kept his distance, until that day in the cafeteria, when he caught Isak looking back. And I think that was all the incentive he needed to take a chance. That Isak maybe wasn’t just a distant dream, but potentially a reality. Isak might be attracted to him as well. Boom.

Of course Even’s revelation also re-frames a lot of other moments and details, like why Even was there in the cafeteria in the first place (he almost certainly wasn’t sitting near Isak by coincidence, but on purpose so he could check out Isak and maybe get his attention). Why Even entered the meeting and immediately scanned the room to see if Isak was there, and then took a seat near him. It makes all of Even’s affection and actions toward Isak this season so much heavier, because he had wanted him for a while. You look back at their first kiss, for instance, and you realize Even had been waiting for that for months.

Not only that, but consider that this entire season we have been in Isak’s POV. Going through his struggles with him, his anxieties and insecurities and doubts. When Even ran hot and cold, we felt it. When Even ghosted on him, it was like Even ghosted us. So for a good chunk of this season, Isak doubted the depth of Even’s feelings for him - especially after the hotel room, when Sonja said Even’s feelings were fake. And much of the audience doubted with him, making up all kinds of theories about Even toying with Isak or being a bad person or not really into Isak. So after a full season of this uncertainty, we finally learn the truth - not only were Even’s feelings real all along, they were real for much, much longer than any of us suspected. I think a lot of people guessed that Even went to kosegruppa to meet Isak, but NOT that he had been pining for months.

Side note: not to spoil this very popular anime, but Yuri!!! on Ice was airing at the exact same time as season 3 of Skam, and I have to laugh because episode 10 of YoI, like this season, also had the “been into you for way longer than you realized” reveal that changed the entire context of the series and the main relationship. (I just remember fall/winter 2016 as simultaneously the darkest timeline from which there was no escape and some weird fever dream of unexpected gay romance canons as a kind of consolation prize. Like hey, we might as well give you something nice before the world burns.)

Even says the line so sincerely, too. So heartfelt. Just “I saw you the first day of school.” And that’s all we get, until we received the S3 script book where Julie wrote the scene from his POV. But in context of just what we saw on screen - how evocative is that? Doesn’t it really grab your attention? We don’t know where it happened, how it happened, what Isak was doing, any of the nitty-gritty details so we’re free to speculate. But that one line says enough to completely alter our opinion of Even this season.

And Isak is of course, just stunned and touched. He just takes it in and says, “Whoa,” with a soft smile. Not bombarding him with more questions (“tell me everything about that day”) but just soaking in the knowledge. Even saw him and chose him, basically. All this time he was doubting Even’s feelings? Even had it even worse for Isak. Even loves him that much, that Isak caught his eye on the first day of school. Even has liked him for that long. It’s beautiful. Isak is really somebody’s somebody.

And you can see Even smile at Isak, too. They would have laid there looking into each other’s eyes and marveling at how they found each other had Vilde not called again.

Let’s all appreciate Tarjei’s delivery of that UGH, like Isak has a cantankerous old man soul.

Now here’s an interesting detail about the conversation with Vilde: We don’t hear her side of it. Or rather, we don’t hear her voice clearly, as we do in say, Isak’s conversation with his father or with Sonja. And maybe that’s because unlike those conversations, what Vilde is saying is not actually important in itself (though I am sure she would disagree with me, getting that Christmas tree is of utmost importance, how dare you) and it’d be a little bit of a distraction from the main point of the scene between Isak and Even. But it makes the scene different because it’s not completely in Isak’s POV, because Isak would be able to hear Vilde clearly. Actually, it makes the scene seem like it’s from Even’s point of view, not Isak’s. And I’m kind of a stickler for POV but I’m fine with it here, especially in the final episode of the season. Once we’ve sort of wrapped up many of the main character’s problems or issues, it’s OK to start experimenting and diverging a bit more. But anyway, this scene especially seems like we’re really deep in Even’s head, for some reason. 

Anyway, Isak argues with Vilde about the Christmas tree while Even laughs and smiles at Isak, entertained by his grumpy boyfriend. Isak tells Vilde to get the Christmas tree herself (though as we learn through texts, he went to pick it up, because look, Isak may put up a fight with Vilde about it but he ends up doing whatever she asks).

Even asks Isak about the tree once Isak hangs up. Isak explains about the kosegruppa Christmas party on Friday. And oh man, now this is some goooood acting from Henrik. Because so far this scene has been pretty stress free, lots of cute flirting and laughing and looking into each other’s eyes. But once Isak mentions that kosegruppa party he’s hosting, Even immediately gets tense. It’s not over the top obvious, but Henrik does a fantastic job here because his energy just shifts in an instant. His eyes start flicking away from Isak, he squirms a little, his body isn’t still. You can tell he gets this flight or fight response where his instinct is to run away, if not literally, then from this conversation.

This is one of the moments in all of Skam that just resonates with me so strongly. Having depression puts you into so many weird spots like this. You don’t know how to tell people about it, you don’t know how to explain that no, you don’t want to go to the party or the concert or whatever, you don’t have the mental or physical energy for it. Your body and mind are just exhausted. You can barely get out of bed. But - it’s hard to describe that to people. Telling people you have the flu is easy - you have physical symptoms, you aren’t ashamed of it. But how do you explain, especially to non-depressed people, that you just don’t feel like it because of your depression? Or because of your anxiety? Like Even, I have often found myself hedging and making up excuses not to go like this. It’s one of those smaller details that makes me think Skam nailed these final episodes of S3 and the depiction of mental illness.

For Even, he’s still climbing out of the depressive episode, and he’s reeling from the experience itself. How is he going to face people, especially if they know anything about what happened? How is he going to deal with a party, with its potentially overwhelming smells, sounds, and sensations? A lot of people talking and laughing and dancing, music blaring, it’s just … not something where he can relax. It’s something you need energy for.

Isak asks if Even wants to go to the party. Even takes a moment, and he’s still like a deer in headlights, you know his brain is scrambling with how to take care of the situation. Isak waits patiently for an answer, not pushing.

Even starts talking about his mom, using her as an excuse, saying that he talked to her and said he would stop by to eat and stuff, actually he was thinking about staying there for a little while. And you know what? Maybe Even really did speak with his mom. He probably did. But right now he’s latching onto that as a diversion, so he doesn’t have to tell Isak what he’s really feeling - the idea of a party is overwhelming right now. I’m not sure if I want to go. And maybe right now Even is having a rapid descent into depressive thoughts. Like he’s slipping into oh, this is how I’m going to let Isak down, I’m just a burden, I should go away and let him do his own thing, have fun. That’s perhaps a factor, too.

Isak gives Even the time to decide and talk. He does not interrupt him until Even is finished, and then his only response is beautiful. “Just take it one day at a time.” Not putting any pressure on him to answer now more decisively, not putting pressure on him to suck it up and attend the party. Just gives Even their mantra.

I’m not trying to demonize Sonja (especially not in this episode when she’s treated so gracefully) but I have to wonder, going off Even’s reaction to both the news about the party and Isak’s reaction, if maybe this was a common type of argument or debate they had, and if Sonja tended to handle it differently. Like maybe if this were Sonja, she would be encouraging or pressuring Even to attend a party because it would be good for him, or she would be grilling him more about his mindset. If Even didn’t want to attend, time to dig into that, see how he’s doing, ask a bunch of questions. Sonja is the “party planner” who needs to have everything figured out. And that maybe one of the differences between Sonja and Isak is that Sonja, however good her intentions, tended to overwhelm Even with questions, she needed to have everything figured out, whereas Isak’s approach is so much more chill. IDK, this is definitely in the category of speculation, it’s just that the way Even reacts kinda reminds me of someone who’s used to expecting a fight or argument over his attendance at the party, and he’s relieved when Isak doesn’t push him.

Oh, dude. When Isak says to take it one day at a time, and Even lets that sink in and starts to smile - you can see Isak smiling a little, too.

When Even smiles, he’s just so relieved? Relieved that Isak understands. Relieved that Isak isn’t going to call him out on his fib but that he just gets it and doesn’t put any pressure on Even. And Even is so, so happy that he has Isak. Lucky that he’s found him.

At the start of this scene, we have Even calling out Isak on a lie, and Isak saying no, he’s a master liar! We have a discussion about lies and it’s not really that serious because no one’s hurt by the lie in question. Here, in a reversal, we have Even lying, or at least fudging the truth, and Isak doesn’t call him out on it, not directly. He just absorbs Even’s change of mood, the words he’s saying, and makes it clear that there is no pressure on Even, that he meant it when he said they were going to take this thing perfectly chill.

Also, how absolutely excellent is the fact that Isak was able to read Even’s mood and anxiety without Even needing to lay it out in words? That is some serious mutual understanding. A lesser TV show would have the scene go like this:

Isak: Do you want to come to the Christmas party? Even: I’m not sure. I don’t think I’m ready for that yet. Isak: Okay, there’s no pressure to attend. Even: Thanks for understanding, I am so lucky to have you, baby.

And there’s nothing inherently wrong with having so much covered directly in dialogue (and speaking personally, I struggle a lot with that problem when writing - I love writing dialogue, but I always end up with too many lengthy conversations with characters just talking about their feelings. Skam has really influenced me to start working on that and trying to find other ways for characters to communicate that are richer and less obvious.). But I think it is a lot stronger the way it’s depicted in this scene. I mean, this scene is the absolute essence of “show, don’t tell”! The way the scene is portrayed, it allows the actors to really focus their abilities - we can tell what Isak and Even are thinking because Tarjei and Henrik are knocking it out of the park and conveying everything we need to know with their eyes, their bodies, the full extent of their talent, rather than just relying on direct dialogue.

Also, think about what this approach says about Isak, or Evak. Making the realization subtle, relying on the subtext of a scene rather than the text, shows us how Isak has grown. Look at this emotional intelligence, look at the tremendous capacity for empathy he displays here with Even, to be able to read him and be patient and tender and understanding like this. And look how having the message go unsaid in words actually strengthens the depiction of their bond, that they don’t need to spell everything out in words - that they can just read each other that well even when one of them is saying something else. It’s fantastic. This scene puts so many other canon romances to shame.

I suspect that a scene like this stays with you longer than the scene with the direct emotional exposition, too. Because the delivery is more of an imprint, it calls on the viewer to read and interpret more, to pay attention to every nuance of the actors, to pay attention to the subtext. That makes the scene settle into your mind more deeply, causes your brain to spend more time with it, whereas a more straightforward scene with that kind of obvious dialogue and telegraphing of inner feelings will just tell you what you need to know, and your brain can move on.

Anyway. Even looks at Isak and you can tell he thinks that he’s the luckiest person in the word to have Isak. He just glows.(I don’t comment too much on actors’ looks because I don’t care all that much, but Henrik is beautiful in this scene. He looks like a damn angel.) He rolls on his side and gives Isak one careful, meaningful kiss to convey his gratitude and affection. They lie there with their noses brushing, Even smiling a little and sweeping his thumb over Isak’s cheek, both of them looking into each other’s eyes and loving each other. 

Jesus Christ, does Even have the biggest case of heart eyes ever in this scene or what? The amount of warmth and fondness and love pouring from them is just breathtaking. If you had a GIF of Even smiling and looking into Isak’s eyes in this clip, it’s like the distilled essence of love right there.

Also love how natural their touches are here at the end. It’s not just that they kiss and then lay there, it’s the thumb on the cheek that taps and moves and sweeps several times, how Even’s hand shifts its grip on the back of Isak’s neck. Again, when I talk about their chemistry being phenomenal, this is the kind of stuff I mean. It never stops. It’s not just like they hit their marks when it says “Even kisses Isak in the script” and they stop there, it’s that Henrik and Tarjei keep going and stay in the moment. Because I think obviously the script dictates a lot of their actions, and I have no doubt that Julie gives them good direction, but certain things I feel like have to be the actors just bringing everything they have to the scene, there’s no way you could micro-manage those touches to that extent.

Clip 4 - Isak gives nary a fuck

Isak rolls up to his squad in the courtyard all like HEY BOYSSSSS. Magnus asks how everything is going with Evak. Just in case you didn’t know Julie paid attention to the fandom!

Magnus is the #1 Evak shipper. Like I’m sure Jonas loves them, too, but Jonas is always gonna be watching out for his boy Isak first and foremost. Magnus is just ... in love with their love.

More seriously, I love that Magnus asks about them? Because Magnus is the one who filled in Isak about mental illness, Magnus is the one who was knowledgeable about what Even might be going through. He knows that Even might still be dealing with heavy stuff. So it’s nice that he checks in with Isak.

Isak says they’re taking it day by day, minute for minute. Magnus gets the idea to sell that to NRK. “Minutt for minutt” is a reference to Norwegian slow television in the first place (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slow_television) so obviously, Magnus brings up NRK due to that established Norwegian programming, plus it’s also a joke about Skam being an NRK show. A multi-layered joke!

It’s also really clever for Isak to think of that connection back in the first clip of the episode, like he’s thinking they’re going to make slow TV out of their lives.

“Even and Isak, minute by minute” is Magnus’ suggestion. Just watching their entire lives together, I guess. He’s extremely enthusiastic. He thinks people would watch it - hell, he’d watch it himself! Who is not surprised that Magnus would be interested in a nonstop Evak marathon?

No offense to Norwegians, because I can certainly see the appeal of slow television (I caught my mom watching Nasjonal vedkveld, or National Firewood Night, on Netflix around Christmas: “Watch Norwegians demonstrate how to chop and stack firewood, and then sit back and enjoy the slow burn of a crackling fireplace in a Bergen farmhouse.”) but personally I would find “Even and Isak, minute by minute” more compelling than a long boat journey or train ride, as pretty and soothing as they might be.

Isak says that’s kind of fucked up to think about people watching them. Well, I’m very glad he exists within the fourth wall, because knowing that he had a very fervent audience watching him moon over Even for months would probably freak him out.

Magnus is like, “Why? Because you’re banging on TV? Don’t you think I can handle watching two guys bang?” and ohhhh boy, pull up a chair so we can break this down. 

Magnus … why did your mind immediately go to thoughts of Isak and Even banging instead of, IDK, Isak saying it’s fucked up because he wants his privacy or doesn’t want people spying on his every move? Like them banging was just the first thing that popped into your head? All right.

Magnus, you know you can watch two dudes banging like … any time you want, right? It’s called the Internet. (I’m sorry but Magnus definitely went home and watched gay p*rn. You know, just to prove he could handle it. He could totally handle it!)

If Isak and Even ever decide to mess with Magnus for a laugh and proposition him for a threesome, Magnus is definitely going to laugh nervously in shock before seriously considering it, before Isak and Even reveal it’s a joke.

I’ve said this before, because I know Magnus is supposed to be the clueless straight dude who’s still a well-intentioned ally, but: if at some point in Magnus’ future he’s microwaving a burrito in the middle of the night, staring into the tunnel of radiation as the tortilla turns slowly like his thoughts, and he suddenly thinks to himself, “I am definitely a bisexual,” I’d be like, yep, sounds about right.

I mean, that’s if he already didn’t have an awakening when tall drink of water Even Bech Næsheim strolled into his life with his swoopy hair and denim jacket. Not that he had designs on Even, but like ... it’s Even, guys.

This is absolutely how Magnus will announce his revelation to his friends, I refuse to accept anything less awkward and earnest. (Isak is Paula.)

Isak thinks it’s more of a turnoff that Magnus would be watching them bang. Magnus is offended. “Do you think I’m a turnoff?” Isak is like … well, you’re not a turn-on. OUCH. Isak lives to drag Magnus and I love it.

Magnus is like BULLSHIT, you would bang me if you had the chance. Magnus, you were so desperate and horny this season that literally all Isak had to do was offer and you would probably seriously consider it, no matter whether he was your bro. Isak definitely had “the chance.”

But lmao, I love that Magnus is most concerned about not being a turn-on and needing to know that Isak finds him bangable. No offense, Magnus, but why do you care so much if Isak wants to fuck you? 

Magnus asks him who he would fuck first out of the squad. To absolutely no one’s surprise if you’ve seen S1 (or frankly, even if you haven’t), Isak picks Jonas without hesitation and he and Jonas high-five. Jonas is probably like, ha, I KNEW I wasn’t completely unattractive! Magnus is then like, who between me and Mahdi? Isak is like, “It would be you … MAHDI” and switches his gaze from Magnus to Mahdi mid-sentence. Goddamn, Isak is ice cold. At least Mahdi’s fucking thrilled about being in second place!

More seriously, how marvelous is it that Isak can joke about this with his friends without any kind of tension or fear of judgment? Can you imagine the Isak at the beginning of this season participating in this conversation? Joking about fucking his (male) friends? His internalized homophobia would never allow it. Also consider that the very first clip of the season, the very first conversation we hear, is about Isak talking about which girls he would bang, and now we’re here, talking about which dudes he’d bang. We’ve gone from Isak being fake to Isak being real. We’ve come full circle in the hypothetical banging. This is a funny conversation but it’s also a mark of clear character development for Isak and establishing the good rapport he has with his bros. The boy squad has grown into a powerful force. 

Magnus is upset no one wants to bang him. Isak is like, you’re too desperate. See, Isak presents it like a flaw, Even will assure Magnus to just let all his desperation out there, like it’s an asset. Which is probably why Magnus appears to love Even so much. Even totally gets it, guys.

Mahdi spies the dance chicks coming. I have to say I find this to be an underrated music moment. It’s a quirky choice of song, the lyrics are very strange and comical. It reminds me of a clueless teenage boy’s POV of girls, which very much fits the scenario. Quick, the girls are coming, we’ll need to talk to them! Uhhh, what do girls like again? Shoes, dancing, boys! 

The boys sans Isak gape at the girls as they approach. Isak doesn’t seem too impressed. It’s a parallel to the first dance chicks scene, except then Isak’s lack of interest was funny but stressful, it was something that alienated him from the other guys, it was something he had to hide. Here his lack of interest is something he can just be open about, it’s purely amusement without the stress.

That one dance chick on the end looks a SHIT TON like Taylor Swift.

I do like that these dance girls - while admittedly all white and blond, which had to be intentional - look pretty typical for high school hot chicks. They’re not like supermodels Julie hired for the day, they’re the kind of girls you’d see at your school.

I’m not actually positive all the girls were in the previous dance chicks scene? I think the one who does the talking was in it, I can’t tell if the others were. But - and I mean this respectfully - they were all dancing, and I cannot tell all these blonde white girls in motion apart.

Anyway, the dance chicks go up to the boy squad. One of them seems to be appointed the official dance chicks representative and does the talking. The one next to her gives her kind of a nod and a look that suggests they planned how they were going to approach this, like “Let’s get that one gay guy to come to our party, what do we say?”

The head dance chick says that they know about Isak’s thing with Even and graciously bestows her approval onto him. Two boys together is so cute! Yikes. You know, this is an interesting scene because it goes after another type of homophobia, a “benevolent” one. These girls probably think they’re allies and are progressive, that this a good thing they’re doing. I mean, they think two boys together is so cute, right? Surely Isak would love to hear this! Gay rights!

There’s also perhaps some meta-commentary on Evak fandom here, since it’s in the same scene as Magnus dropping the ship name. Sometimes I think fandom overuses the “you’re FETISHIZING” argument just to shut down debate and bash ships, like do I think any girl who ships Evak is fetishizing by default? Fuck no. I think it’s more what the dance girls do here - “two guys together is cute.” It’s making a generalization, it’s treating gay couples as an object for straight girls’ entertainment rather than seeing them as people.

Also, those girls don’t even know Isak. They had to clarify that it was him when they approached him. With that in mind, it’s extra uncomfortable. I think it would be slightly different if someone like Sana or Eva said, aww, you guys are cute, because they at least know Isak and Even and hopefully were judging their “cuteness” based on their friends’ compatibility and their specific relationship, seeing them as people, rather than these strangers who are just like “boy + boy = cute” without knowing anything about them as individuals or the dynamic of that relationship. (Although we also see Vilde be like, “I love gays!” and she knows Isak and Even somewhat more. But then again, that’s Vilde for you.)

And lmao, they couldn’t have given a shit about the boy squad before Isak was outed, like learning he was gay just made them want to include him as a decoration at the Christmas party, next to the tree and the tinsel. Or suddenly turn him into their gay best friend. (I don’t want Isak to deal with these people who view him so superficially, but part of me also wants him to troll people who try to use him this way and just be the grumpiest, least fun gay best friend ever.)

Anyway, the boy squad exchange some looks. It seems like they are aware of how awkward the dance chicks’ comments are, but I don’t think that’s stopping them from being like “hot girls are talking to us” so they’re also hyped that the girls are here in front of them.

In response to their comment about him and Even, Isak is just like, cool. I love that tiny moment from the dance girls where they’re hesitating or not sure of themselves? Like maybe Isak didn’t react with effusive graciousness, maybe he didn’t instantly invite them to go shopping, so they’re a little thrown. They share another look. Dance rep says they’re having a get together on Friday and invites Isak. Magnus is like, HUNGRY EYES. Isak, completely unfazed, says he’s got the kosegruppa party on Friday, as the boy squad’s looks turn from excitement to horror.

I fucking loooove Isak for this moment. Because he doesn’t even hesitate, he just says he’s got kosegruppa, without any shame. From what I understand … kosegruppa didn’t seem to be the coolest organization around, right? (Even: “Did you think I was there to have fun?”) I mean, it’s run by “the biggest losers in school.” And the dance group almost certainly has more social capital. But Isak just matter of factly chooses the dorky revue group over the hot girl squad. And I love that Isak has been so grumpy and unimpressed with kosegruppa but now he’s embracing it. (I will say it to the end of time: We missed out on kosegruppa antics after this season. I wanted to see sooooo much of them.)

I mean, I’m also sure it didn’t hurt that it was a legit excuse not to hang out with these girls who were probably going to be cooing at him all night, but I like to think that Isak is both rejecting the “fake” party and embracing the silly but real party, with people like Sana and Eva who mean something to him.

The dance chicks seem stunned that Isak has chosen a crappy kosegruppa party rather than their party. They wander away. The boy squad makes faces at Isak.

Tarjei’s delivery of “What?” is truly golden. He sounds like a puppy yelping for treats. He plays it so sincerely that it’s hard to tell whether Isak really doesn’t get the impact of what he just did, or whether he’s that skilled at messing with his straight friends.

Mahdi is like, Christmas kosegruppa get together??? Isak is so nonchalant in how he replies. Oh yeah, I’m hosting it, so you’re invited. There is NO shame, no embarrassment when earlier in the season he hid it from his friends that he was hosting the pre-drink (which I think was a combination of embarrassment at hosting a kosegruppa party and of trying to keep the life with his friends separate from his life with Even in it and not have them intersect). He’s so cute and earnest here.

Mahdi says “the gates of paradise were open” (lmao) and instead Isak chose Christmas kosegruppa. What the hell, man.

Isak considers his friends. Then, like the coolest, sagest motherfucker on the planet, says, “Guys, you have to start getting chicks yourself,” and peaces out, dropping the mic as he leaves. Like he just leaves them in his confident gay dust.

Lmao, I love that, though. The thing is, it’s funny, but it’s not just that - again, it’s character development! Earlier this season we had Isak pressured into organizing a pre-drink with Emma and her friends because his friends wanted it, even though he was clearly reluctant. We had Isak also pressured into heading to Emma’s party in episode 5, when he had made it clear they’d ended on bad terms and he didn’t want to deal with her, because the boy squad needed a way in and they thought Isak had the golden ticket. Now he’s done with that. He’s not going to sacrifice his comfort and happiness just to help his friends hook up with girls. He’s done being smooth ladies’ man Isak, for obvious reasons. Time for the rest of the boy squad to step up for themselves.

We get a little more POV breakage in this last episode, as we stick with the boy squad a wee bit after Isak leaves. Mahdi and Jonas are still baffled, Magnus laments how unfair the world is and asks if they should ditch Isak’s party and go to the dance chicks’ one. It’s just a cute moment. I wonder if Julie liked David’s delivery here so she kept it in. I don’t mind POV breakage when again, it’s the last episode and Isak’s arc is basically wrapping up, and also when it’s something that isn’t an earth-shattering revelation - like there’s nothing here that we couldn’t have guessed ourselves about how the boy squad were reacting to this turn of events. It’s just a nice little coda to the clip.

Clip 5 - Make the Yuletide gay

It’s the last clip of the season, guys. I know I could have watched four more hours of Isak’s story. Get NRK on the phone with Magnus, have him pitch Isak and Even, minutt for minutt, so we can make that happen.

At the same time, this season is paced so well that I can’t fault it for not being longer. Every scene has a point. Nothing feels unnecessarily drawn out. The story clips along briskly. Isak’s arc feels full and realized.

Anyway, I’m getting my tissues out as to say goodbye to S3 and Isak’s POV.

This clip, and the whole episode, make me feel really festive. I associate it with all the sensations of when I watched S3 for the first time. Christmas lights outside, colder weather. 

One thing going into this clip - I thought William might show up. It seemed like the season may have been building to that. Now, regardless of my feelings on Noorhelm, we had Noora struggling with her relationship with William all season, right? It was a parallel to Isak’s relationship with Even. If he really loves you, he’ll choose you. No one is willing to sacrifice anything for love in 2016. Those were also meant to apply to Isak’s thoughts and anxiety with Even. But, of course, Even did choose Isak, Even did sacrifice his existing relationship for one with Isak. Isak and Even get a happy finale. So … if that happened for Isak, it would make sense for Noora to similarly get a happy finale with William. But obviously William doesn’t show up. And I’m perfectly fine with that, although I have to say … if he were going to show up at all this season, I think it would’ve been way better here, in the finale, when we’re wrapping things up, rather than in the middle of the season. I mean, not to throw shade at S4, but William’s appearance in S4 episode 8 could not help but focus Sana’s final POV-focused episode on Noorhelm to a large degree. This finale is closing out some arcs anyway, like Magnus/Vilde, so it’s not terribly out of place.

I wonder if Julie wrote this season finale in a way that William could have returned if Thomas had wanted, but he was not available/didn’t want to.

This clip, and the whole episode, make me feel really festive. I associate it with all the sensations of when I watched S3 for the first time. Christmas lights outside, colder weather.

The first thing we see is Isak and the boy squad being cute. Did Jonas and Magnus acquire those Christmas sweaters in a hurry, or did they happen to have them on hand?

Just a note, that I’m really glad the boy squad ended up at this party. I mean, from a Doylist perspective, they were always going to, because Julie was not going to end Isak’s season without his squad present, but from a Watsonian perspective, I love that they did choose this warm, cozy party with the people they care about rather than what likely would have been impersonal with the dance chicks. (I’m probably projecting. They would have been fine seeing all the hot girls.)

Really, though, we have most of the characters we care about and who were important to this season? Isak, Even, boy squad, girl squad, Eskild and Linn. It’s Isak’s support network, the people who’ve helped him grow.

It’s Penetrator Chris! He and Eva are still friends with benefits, but apparently friendly enough that he’ll go to this Christmas party with her. You know, I didn’t think much about what tension this may have caused with Jonas there. I think they’re probably all over that drama considering Jonas has been to parties with P-Chris present before (in the S2 finale, for one) and that P-Chris reaches out to Jonas in the S4 final episode to ask how to flirt with Eva, lmao.

Anyway, I think P-Chris and Eva were definitely hooking up for the fans. I don’t have any strong feelings about Penetrator Chris outside of finding him kind of amusing in certain contexts, and I ended up being a big Eva/Jonas fan, but lol, this is kind of sweet that he showed up.

Eskild is wearing tights??? Very tight, very shiny pants, at least. And he’s got mistletoe strategically positioned over his ass, lmao. I can’t be sure but I think he is also wearing mascara.

I love that this party is less about getting wasted and making out and more about like ...making ornaments! And cookies! How sweet and wholesome.

Of course I write that right as girl Chris is making like a papier-mâché dick. And Eskild and Linn are putting condom ornaments on that tree. Guys, I think enough sex is happening among the various occupants of your apartment that you might want to hang on to the condoms rather than filling them with glitter, IDK.

Linn has also attended the party, bless her, and she and Eskild argue whether the tree is straight or bent, which seems to be a double entendre, as he concludes by asking her if she’s queer. Lmao, Eskild.

Also love that Linn chimes in that it’s straight right after the song lyrics are “Make the Yuletide gay.”

The girl squad is making Christmas crafts. Noora mentions “Drummer Boy” by Justin Bieber, I’m not sure what the context is, but Noora’s interest in Justin Bieber is kind of a nice running gag they have with her. I wonder what she thinks of him on a personal level?

The girls talk about exams. Chris is failing German and English, having no idea there was a 10% absence limit. So Isak wasn’t the only person struggling this semester. Sana and Vilde are like, we told you about the limit! Chris says that she assumed Vilde said that because she was jealous Chris was hanging out with Kasper so much. So was Chris skipping class specifically to hang with Kasper?

Throughout the season there’s been a pretty understated arc about Vilde not hooking up with anyone and feeling jealous about being alone. In the first episode, we had her eyeballing the hot first years with distaste and being seemingly miffed that Chris brought Kasper to the kosegruppa meeting because they were doing so much together. Then we had Vilde complaining to the boy squad about first year girls stealing the older boys and second year girls not having anyone to hook up with. We had Vilde and Magnus flirting, with her saying that she didn’t have anyone she wanted to hook up with at Emma’s party. Here we come back to that, as Vilde seems pretty jealous that her friends are getting laid and she isn’t.

This is actually interesting in light of S4’s opening clip, because both Sana and Vilde apparently told Chris about the absence limit, but Chris seems to direct her jealousy comment at only Vilde, maybe. Perhaps because the girls assume that Sana has no sexual feelings or desire to hook up with anyone, and don’t realize that just because she doesn’t do it means she doesn’t want it. But Sana is also without a boyfriend and the girls seem to think this is the natural state of things.

I wonder if Vilde was also jealous not just of Chris having a boyfriend, but Chris no longer being so available for her? We know that she and Chris are very tight, they seem to have known each other longer than anyone int he girl squad, and Kasper would’ve taken Chris away from Vilde.

Vilde gets up and stomps away, saying she gets tons of dick. Girl … no, you don’t. Anyway, now she’s on a quest for Christmas wang.

I do love lesbian/bi Vilde theories and I think you can easily twist this scene into Vilde needing to prove something among the girls rather than just her sexual frustration, if that’s more your style.

By the way, Vilde is 10 kinds of cute in that Santa hat. Look at her freckles!

Noora smirks at that comment about Vilde not getting any dick. Girl, you are not getting any dick, either. The dick you were previously getting went cold as an icicle and you refuse to use Tinder.

Chris offers to give Vilde her decorated dick. Noora has been making a condom ornament. I legit wrote about 10 gross jokes but I deleted them out of an attempt at good taste.

Eva is like … is that a used condom? By Eskild? Lmao, I don’t think that’s an actual used condom but Noora’s reaction is funny. The girls are like, get that used condom away from me, and Eva suggests smelling it???? What world do these girls live in that they need to test if a condom is used by smelling it? Like I’d rather just take a chance that I’d throw out a perfectly good, unused condom rather than smelling some random condom that has been ... used. I would not put myself through that.

Now we switch to what’s cooking in the kitchen with the boy squad! What’s cooking is a plan to get Magnus to finally make a move on Vilde.

Can we please appreciate Jonas’ “Merry Crustmas” sweater and Magnus’s Christmas elf sweater? Isak looks very nice in his button-up shirt but I’m not going to pretend I kind of wanted a Christmas sweater on him. Same with Mahdi.

Mahdi tells Magnus that he’s the predator and Vilde is the prey, he’s the lion and she’s the zebra, and it is a credit to the likability and sweetness of these boys that this just comes across as funny rather than creepy. Maybe because they’re basically teasing Magnus rather than this being 100% serious advice.

Magnus says he’s nervous. Isak asks whether he’s in love with Vilde. Magnus says he thinks so. That’s kind of sweet, lmao. I think the boys saw Magnus’ thing for Vilde as a joke but this makes it a touch more serious. Magnus wants to know what if she says no? Again, the uncertainty is cute. Isak says it’s not the end of the world if she says no, but to think of it as a positive thing if she says yes. Which is quite good advice!

Magnus frets over his sweater, whether it looks good, whether to touch Vilde. You know, this scene is even cuter now than when I first saw it? Because it’s easy to dismiss Magnus/Vilde as a joke pairing, and I completely understand why people would dislike that ship - I’m not a ride or die fan of it myself - but Magnus is so earnest and vulnerable here, wanting to get it right, and the boys are so sweet and trying their best to give him good advice. They’re not being sleazy about it, either.

Isak’s gaze changes because who should walk in but Even? Guys, it’s Even!!! No, really, I think Julie was definitely playing with the viewers a little, because Even’s attendance was not set in stone for this scene - I mean, look, there was no way he wasn’t going to be in the last clip of the season, but Even himself seemed unclear whether he wanted to attend. And yeah, we have Isak and Even kissing in the still frame for the clip, but seeing Even walk in here is like relief. We smile because it’s Even, guys!

Compared to the other boys, Even seems dressed down. It looks like he’s wearing sweatpants. His hand is not styled. It seems like he hasn’t been joining the whole party, he must have been camping out in Isak’s room or something. Perhaps talking to his mom. And I think that’s lovely? No pressure to attend, he can come and go at his own pace, he didn’t have to dress up. And everyone is fine with this. The boy squad treats him normally.

Okay, we gotta talk about those gingerbread cookies on the wall. There’s a gingerbread dick, and two gingerbread boys holding hands. 

First of all: what an inspired set choice, and I want to know who came up with the idea, and whose job it was to go home and bake dick-shaped gingerbread cookies. 

Second: in-universe, who do you think baked the cookies? Because my bet is on Even. We know he cooks a bit and I can see him baking during the day when Isak isn’t there, now that he feels a little better, but most importantly: the guy who drops dick references at any opportunity? How could he resist an opportunity to craft a gingerbread phallus? Or proclaim his love for Isak by recreating the Evak ship in cookie form?

It could also be a group activity, of course. I also think Eskild would make a dick cookie, but I do not buy him baking cookies on his own so much. I would love if it were a dark horse candidate like Noora, but the ultimate stealth penis baker: Linn. She has it in her. I know it.

One of those gingerbread dudes looks like he might be jizzing, but I suppose those could also be buttons.

Isak tells Even that the boys are helping Magnus fuck Vilde. Mahdi and Jonas are encouraging Magnus not to be desperate, but Magnus is confused about what desperate means in this scenario.

A detail I have never noticed, and that I fucking love: Jonas suggests that Magnus picture a cool, laid-back guy, and pretend to be him, and Mahdi says, “Maybe picture Jonas?” and points to Jonas. MY HEART. MY FUCKING HEART. Really, Jonas and Mahdi have such a side friendship going on. Of course Isak and Jonas are the BFFs, but Jonas and Mahdi have their own thing happening. Jonas is probably how Mahdi got pulled into the boy squad in the first place.

And now we get Even’s advice. He thinks Magnus should be himself and take desperate to the next level. Hey, he’s onto something! I mean, it worked for Even, being the most desperate dude alive. Now he and Isak are together. Also, man, this is going to endear Even to Magnus even further, when his sage advice is what got him and Vilde together. Even is a miracle worker.

I love that we see Even look into the camera, meaning he’s looking at Isak, while the boys are talking. This is such a small thing, but the fact that Even’s always looking to Isak even in group scenes does SO much for their chemistry. He can’t help but gravitate to him.

But also, that look was definitely putting Isak in on the joke, like, “Remember how my desperation worked for us? Trust me, I would know about taking desperate to the next level.”

Magnus decides fuck it, he’s gonna show Vilde how desperate he is, and Jonas and Mahdi follow him out, laughing. They gotta see this. Recently we had the clip of them cheering in the bloopers and I WISH we had seen their adorable reactions to the Magnus/Vilde hook up.

So now it’s just Isak and Even in the kitchen together, their last one-on-one scene of the season. The last time they interact directly, unless you count the glance across the room they share toward the end.

Even goes for Isak’s waist, and Isak touches his shoulder - good. The physical contact between the two is so casual and natural and makes you feel like these two are really a couple. Also, that casual as fuck domestic kiss, and Isak’s breathy tone of voice - he’s so satisfied being a married man.

Isak asks how’s it going. Even says that it’s fine, but that his mom is nagging because she really wants to meet Isak. We were deprived of that scene in canon, but Julie gave it to us in the scripts.

Isak is like … oh. Clearly a little nervous, taken aback, doing his best not to show it. Even asks if they should drop by tomorrow, and Isak agrees. I don’t think he can entirely shake off his nerves, because holy shit, Even’s mom wants to meet him - and Isak hasn’t been having the best luck with the adults in his life, tbh, and it’s always nerve-wracking to meet the future in-laws and you want to make a good impression - but he’s going to do it anyway. When Even asks if he thinks it’s awkward, Isak says he doesn’t think anything is awkward anymore. Awww. Character development! He’s rising to meet new challenges. Plus I think it might be a little awkward with like … meeting Even’s parents after the hotel scene, like Isak and Even’s bangfest got interrupted by Even walking out naked and getting picked up by the police. Sort of the elephant in the room, that night was a big uncomfortable ordeal, but Isak’s just going to deal with the weirdness of it.

Here we have Even looking at his phone and giving a befuddled look that would inspire countless theories. Why did Even react like that? Was it Mikael coming to ruin Evak’s happiness???? Whatever it was, it was probably just Henrik mucking up something on the phone, or maybe playing it as Even shaking his head at his mom’s nagging, or something innocuous. Maybe Isak borrowed Even’s phone and Even’s found his Google search results, like why is BUTT showing up all of a sudden?? You can project whatever you want on his reaction.

Isak says, as long as you’re smiling and wearing clothes, life is chill. Awww. Of course everything is great when Even is doing well, he just likes it when Even smiles. And of course there’s that little joke about Even wearing clothes. It’s nice how the hotel incident is no longer this terrifying incident in his mind, but something they can laugh about, like Magnus can laugh about his mom messing with the railway guy.

Even’s response to that, his expression of raising his eyebrows and grinning, is so funny and lovely, and it’s good to see from him, too! That he recognizes Isak’s joke, and that it’s not something to be ashamed of, but something he can laugh about, too.

Even promises to wear clothes, which is thoughtful of him, lol. I don’t think Isak has a lot of objections to Even not wearing clothes, but Even’s parents there would make it weird.

Isak gives him a fond-ass look, They kiss and this is the sweetest kiss, it’s a little passionate but ends with these two short pecks. It feels very natural. They start to rub noses because of course, gotta get in one of those, when Sana interrupts.

Man, think about being Sana and seeing Isak and Even be so cuddly and kissy! Isak, the grumpy partner from biology class, who’s now so soft and open, and Even, her brother’s friend who’s gone through some rough shit, smiling and at peace. It must be so nice to see these guys so happy together. Also, think about what a plot twist for these two random dudes on the edges of her life to find love together, lmao.

Isak happily greets Sana, and Even and Sana are “introduced.” I legit am not sure whether Julie had this storyline in mind at this point. Because definitely this scene kicked off a lot of theories, and speculation that they knew each other. I don’t think Iman and Henrik knew this backstory. But I don’t think I can totally write off the possibility that Julei didn’t have it in mind, because of little details like Even’s pictures of Muslim women on his wall, or the line about him learning the Quran. 

For sure a lot of people wanted Even/Sana friendship in the next season. But generally, people were like “Wouldn’t it be cool if we saw them talking about the Quran at a party or something?” not “What if Even had tried to kill himself and Sana knew about it?”

Additionally, that little line when they’re introduced, when Sana says, “kosegruppa” - strangely that feels like support to me that this was planned? Because I mean, obviously they would know each other through kosegruppa. They’re at a kosegruppa party. So in context, it kinda seems like a little inside joke ... Isak asks if they know each other, they play act being introduced, Sana adds “kosegruppa” to reinforce that she’s not going to give away Even’s secret and that of course it’s through kosegruppa they know each other, not any other way.

Anyway, they’re cute, Iman’s cute. Isak introduces Sana as his biology partner ...AND FRIEND. AHHHHH. Gorgeous. Unexpectedly, Sana managed to become a special person in his life.

I love when Even asks how Isak is in biology, and Isak gives him kind of this “really?” look. Like Even’s winding up Isak and Isak is all, ha ha, very funny.

Sana’s reaction! She makes a face and says he’s useful, and of course Isak has to protest and talk up how great he is. I’m surprised he didn’t say, “I’m the MASTER of biology!” Even looks fond and amused at Isak being incensed at told he’s not great at something, yet again.

Sana hands Isak her little gift. It’s the 10%! Awww. Not only is this a funny gift, but it’s a mark of how far they’ve come this season? At the start of S3, she was blackmailing him and keeping his weed. She gave back 90% of it, but only after he’d done what she asked. Here she doesn’t have a reason to give it back here except good will. This is just a warm, friendly gesture with nothing expected in return.

Even: “Cool biology partner.” Damn straight!

While Isak is busy having warm feelings toward Sana, Even has taken the weed. Isak notices and snatches it back. Appreciate Isak’s hand on Even’s because that’s the only hand-holding we’re getting until S4.

So there was a bit of debate over this next part, when Isak snatches the weed from Even and the conversation that follows. Because the opinion that many people took was, isn’t this like what Sonja was doing with Even? Controlling him? And I can certainly understand why people would feel this way and wouldn’t care for this part. I had sort of a kneejerk “hmmm” response watching it for the first time. It’s one of those things that doesn’t bother me now, and I think there are certain differences between what Isak does and how Sonja handled these kinds of issues, perhaps. It has a lot to do with tone, I think.

First, Isak waited until Sana was gone to take back the weed - not sure it was intentional on his part since he didn’t seem to notice Even had the weed until Sana had left, but he didn’t make these comments until he and Even were alone. We saw with Sonja that she would make comments to Even in front of other people, such as asking him to cut down on drinking in front of Isak and Emma. So I think that by itself makes it perhaps easier for Even, that he’s not being embarrassed or scolded in front of other people.

Second, the way this conversation unfolds makes it seem like a joke. It doesn’t devolve into a serious lecture about Even’s smoking and what he needs to do and not do, it’s banter about Isak being paid to date Even. So I think that also takes some of the pressure off, because Even doesn’t feel like he’s being parented or controlled. 

Finally … Isak has been dating Even for not long at all. He’s known Even is bipolar for what, like two weeks? So frankly. he might not get everything perfect at first, although there’s no indication Even is seriously upset with him here. But Isak has time to figure out this relationship and what to do and what not to do. Sonja had been dating Even for years, and even if he wasn’t diagnosed during that entire time, I think the way they acted together was more set in stone, probably it had been a while that this resentment had built up.

Anyway, Even asks if Isak is going to be telling him what to do now, Isak says that’s his job. Their faces are very close to each other’s. They’re flirting hardcore. Pretty sure this was all improv, about Isak finding a poster that said Even needed an assistant and boyfriend, and it’s fucking adorable.

Also, the importance of Isak saying, “Holy fuck, he’s hot!” He went from not being able to admit when a guy was attractive, lest he be seen as gay, to being able to comment on his boyfriend’s hotness openly. Bravo, Isak. It isn’t even a struggle for him here, it’s an easy statement.

I love how they look at each other and how Even leans in for the kiss as Isak is getting his sentence out, I love that Isak grabs Even by the back of the head for the kiss.That tells me how committed these actors were to getting into character, they make Isak and Even look so passionate. Like, Isak is 110% into this kiss!

I want to talk about their chemistry here in particular, because this is what sets them apart from other couples you see on TV. Look at this body language. It comes so easily to them to touch each other! They don’t break away and put space between them immediately after the kiss, they stay in each other’s personal space and keep their hands on each other. Look at how Isak’s hand slowly drifts from the back of Even’s head down his throat, lingering over the Adam’s apple, and stays on Even’s chest. Look how Even goes in for that easy brush of the cheek and tucks Isak’s hair behind his ears - and notice how Isak mirrors that gesture, by tucking Even’s hair afterwards. Now that is really great, like Isak is taking cues from Even on how to act with him, what feels nice, what makes him feel good and loved by Even, and he’s then using those cues back at Even. None of this moment feels stilted or fake. They feel like two people who are utterly in love and want to keep their hands on each other at all costs.

Let’s appreciate Even’s “what?” after Isak says Even’s mom is paying him to date Even, as well as the shove. Precious.

Also what an excellent bit of banter, that Isak brings it back to Even’s mom wanting to “meet” him. Ha! Tarjei’s delivery is so so good here, Isak seems so happy and good-natured. And a tiny thing, but I love that he starts to get his line out when Even is still reacting, and then restarts it. It’s one of Skam’s naturalistic touches, it makes it seem less like a rehearsed, scripted TV show and more realistic.

They tease each other, Even wants some of that money, Isak says it’s his money, this is all flirting. They really really want each other at this point. I think Even’s “drive” is back, if you know what I mean. I felt like he was two seconds away from throwing Isak up on the counter.

And that great kiss! It’s so different from the other kisses in this scene! Seriously, they’ve exchange four different kisses in about 2-3 minutes; 1) the brief, familiar hello kiss 2) the sweet, tender “gonna meet your mom” kiss 3) the passionate, teasing banter kiss 4) the “I can’t believe I’m here with you” entertained kiss. They all have different lengths, different levels of intensity, different gestures that go along with them. Imagine your OTP having this amount of variety. (I can!)

We cut to Vilde, probably because whatever happened next with Evak would’ve melted computer screens. Vilde is hanging up ornaments. Specifically, an ornament with a cute cat on it. Magnus approaches her. It’s a little quiet between them, although Magnus seems happy just to be near her. He asks her if she likes cats. Well, we know she does? She went as a cat for Halloween that one year. Anyway, she smiles as if he asked her the best question ever.

Magnus says he does too. Vilde seems to consider this fact with grave importance. Whatever will she do with this amazing piece of information?

What she does is meow. She meows, everybody.

Luckily, Magnus is charmed and/or turned on by this. He asks what was that, and while at first she downplays it, he asks her to do it again, and she does it again, meowing with perhaps even greater enthusiasm. Where the first meow was uncertain, this meow is imbued with confidence and Vilde’s beautiful smile.

Magnus is getting massively turned on from this, let’s be real. He’s biting his lip and looking at Vilde like she’s a snack. He suddenly gets serious and says he’s never fucked before and he really wants to fuck. Well, he’s being honest, I’ll say that much.

Vilde considers this admission of truth, and says, with dignity, that Magnus is welcome to fuck her, with a satisfied smile. Magnus looks as if she has given him the world and thanks her so it’s barely audible. He swoops in and kisses her.

Okay, look … feelings about the overall execution of Magnus/Vilde after this point aside, this is a funny and weirdly cute scene. It’s dopey and awkward but earnest, these kids are being deadly serious.

So when do we think these two got it on? Did they leave together and go to one of their homes, or did they find an empty room in Isak’s flat? Was there a line of people waiting to use the bathroom as Magnus and Vilde were busy? I feel like Isak would suddenly become Mr. Clean and sanitize the entire apartment if Magnus and Vilde had fucked there. (I mean, maybe that’s how you get Isak to do his duties and pick up after himself around the flat. Rent out the space for Magnus/Vilde private time, and afterwards Isak will go on a cleaning frenzy.)

Eva is painting an ornament and Isak asks to sit next to her. I feel like this scene was here mostly because people wanted Isak and Eva to interact, after going a whole season where they barely spoke, but it works, this scene feels fitting. It’s a conversation between the two of them where Isak gets to demonstrate how much he’s grown.

They even comment on how it’s been a long time since they’ve talked, which is understandable; I think Isak’s actions in S1 did something really drastic to their friendship, understandably, and that even after they talked about it, it wasn’t the same. Plus Eva broke up with Jonas so she wasn’t in Isak’s orbit as much, and Eva had made her own group of friends. Though I do think they were friendly in their own right, there just weren’t as many chances to hang out as they used to have.

They used to hang out so much, and now they only say hi at school. Awwww. Isn’t that the way it often goes? At least Isak and Eva mention how they should hang out more often, that they miss the times when they would hang out, in junior high and summer before Nissen. When there was a lot of drama, lol. That’s when Eva and Jonas would have gone behind Ingrid’s backs and cheated, and when she found out and all that. I can see it being a total mess? I believe Eva, Ingrid, Sara, Jonas, and Isak used to hang out more as a group - like didn’t Isak and Sara have a kind of romance going on in junior high? They dated a little bit? I can’t see that as anything serious, but that group seemed to have a lot of entanglements.

Eva mentions that Isak has gotten a boyfriend. Isak says yes, with some pride, and maybe a touch of astonishment that he’s gotten that far, to the point where he has a boyfriend.

They look over at Even, who’s assisting Eskild hang some mistletoe. Even is the exact person you need to help you hang up anything around the house, let’s be real. Eva comments that Even is very handsome, and Isak agrees - another moment where he can allow himself to admit that a guy is hot. Not even to Even, this time, but to Eva! To another person! 

Eva jokes that she might steal Even. I wonder if the comment about “You better watch out for me, I might steal him,” lighthearted as it was, is what prompted Isak to bring up the S1 drama and apologize again. It prompted some memories of last year and his own behavior. Honestly, I think Isak had this talk in mind before he sat down - we know he’s been trying to bury the hatchet and make amends with people he has hurt. But maybe he didn’t know quite how to bring it up, and this was what gave him the push to do so.

Isak says he’s been thinking about what happened last year, and he wants to apologize for doing what he could to break up Eva and Jonas. It wasn’t right. Interesting that he makes clear he has been thinking about it lately, like the guilt has been weighing on him. I think maybe, because he got a taste of what happened with Eva recently, with him being outed at school versus her being bullied after he exposed that she kissed Chris, he can put herself in her shoes and understand exactly what spilling her secret did to her.

Again, this is why I like Isak. He fucks up but he apologizes. He does have empathy, he does care about how his actions affect people. He may not always get it right the first time, but he’s not some completely selfish little shit.

Eva says that Isak didn’t fuck things up between them, it was her and Jonas who fucked things up. Isak says he still feels like he tricked her, such as saying he had feelings for her. Ultimately, Eva and Jonas had their own issues - if these issues of doubt and lack of trust didn’t exist, then Isak wouldn’t have been able to come between them no matter how much scheming he did. Jonas and Eva did plenty on their own to tank their relationship. But Isak did throw some logs on the fire. And honestly, him lying about why he betrayed Eva, that he liked Eva instead of Jonas - that’s probably the least wrong thing he did, lmao. I can at least sympathize with why he lied about that.

Eva laughs and says she figured that out. She never mentions the BUTT and related content on the phone, which is fair, it would probably be embarrassing and an invasion of privacy. She says that she’s over it and he should be too. Awww. It’s nice of them to really lay it out there and get over this stuff. Isak looks at her so pleased. I mean, Isak apologized and they talked about it at the end of S1, but the thing is, it didn’t really heal their friendship or anything. I think they needed time for the wounds to heal, space from each other … Eva’s gained independence and Isak has found his real self. They’re both more mature people, so this can be some old drama to leave in the past, basically.

Eva wants to change the subject to Isak’s new boyfriend, obviously a very hot topic. Is he the man of Isak’s life, she asks?

Isak takes this question way more seriously than necessary, lmao, though not in a bad way! He says he doesn’t know, and ohhhh boy, while I like this speech a lot, I don’t blame anyone for having a kneejerk WTF at that. Even Eva seems taken aback, like maybe she’s not thinking Evak OTP 4-Ever but she wasn’t expecting this kind of blunt response. She wants to know why.

He asks whether it’s important, and she says no, but wants to know if things are going well with him and Even. Isak says it’s great now, but a week ago it was very bad, it’s up and down. I do want to point out that like, Isak and Even are just settling into their relationship, and two weeks ago Isak was blindsided by Even’s manic episode. This was something he was completely unprepared to deal with. But now he knows that Even is bipolar, they’re more open with each other, Isak has educated himself and risen to the occasion on taking care of Even. So I do think Isak is maybe overstating how “up and down” it will be from now on - obviously things won’t be perfect, no relationship is, but I think it’s fair to think that their relationship will be more stable going forward. Again, Isak is new to this relationship, he’s really new to any romance based on genuine feelings rather than fake feelings. It’s natural to have doubts, and he’s being pretty mature here acknowledging both the good and the bad.

He says the reason it’s so good when it’s good is why it’s so bad when it’s bad. Makes sense. Isak hurt so much at various points of the season because his feelings for Even were very real and intense, and when things were going swimmingly, they were amazing. The thing with love is that you are always risking something. In order to get the happiness that comes with love, you have to be willing to accept the potential pain as well.

“Suddenly it can be over tomorrow.” Isak :( It does make me a little sad that he has to live with this idea, but again, it’s mature in the long run. And frankly you could say this about any relationship, even ones with no obvious obstacles.

But this is also in line with the minutt for minutt approach - take it one day at a time. Don’t put this big stress or these huge expectations on yourself. Like if you’re going to take it one minute at a time so you don’t get weighed down by the bad stuff, then honestly, it kinda makes sense to do so for the good stuff as well? I mean, people get so worked up about what their lives are supposed to be - they’re supposed to be in a relationship, they’re supposed to get married and have kids by this or that age, they’re supposed to get into this university and get that degree and be on that career path according to the calendar. It’s OK to not have it all figured out. It’s OK not to put that stress on yourself.

Regardless, Isak is really happy that he met Even. Not just because he became certain he liked guys, as Eva suggests - and I think Isak was pretty certain about that prior to meeting Even - but because he was fake before. He doesn’t really go into it with Eva, but we know that part of him being fake was pretending to like girls, making out with girls, flirting with girls. Disavowing anything that could be construed as gay. Meeting Even was the catalyst for all of that to change. Meeting Even led to him coming out, to being in a relationship with another boy rather than living a heterosexual lie.

But interestingly, Isak doesn’t limit his fake life to his sexuality. It was him lying at home, watching Narcos and playing video games. Basically being bored and passive. Being detached from the world. He had this secret and I think it led him to retreating from everyone and everything in a meaningful way in order to cover it up. Isak is done with that, he wants his life to be real. He doesn’t want to be an observer or sit on the sidelines, he wants to live authentically and actively. (This explains a LOT about his actions in this episode - why he agrees to host the kosegruppa party for Vilde instead of, say, lying around at home doing nothing. Why he turns down the invitation from the dance girls, the “fake” invite, in favor of kosegruppa, with the people he cares about. Why he agrees to meet Even’s mom so readily, instead of hiding.) Even if his life becomes terrible at times, it’s better than a fake and boring life.

Eva seems very pleased with what Isak says. So does Isak. We get his final lines of the season, which are spectacular: “Whether you believe in Allah, or Jesus, or the theory of evolution, or parallel universes, there’s only one thing we all know for sure...”

How angelic is this music as he’s saying this, by the way? Makes it feel extra profound, heh.

Isak looks to Eva. We hear “Beautiful!” come from Even, which in a weird way feels like it’s a part of this conversation even though it’s not. Even is still helping Eskild with the mistletoe.

Eskild almost steals the final shots of the season by doing some kind of exaggerated check on how the mistletoe holds up. Or else he’s trying to get someone to come and lay a smooch on him.

Even looks across the room at Isak, and at us the audience, glancing between the mistletoe and Isak and grinning like he has plans for the both of them later. It’s much like he did that first time we saw him in the cafeteria, when he looked right at Isak/us. Only this time, Isak doesn’t force himself to look away, but looks back with some fondness. So, so good. We’ve come full circle, from the first glimpse of Even this season to the last. What a subtle mark of Isak’s development and how far he’s come.

Isak smiles and looks back to Eva. “That life is …” cut to black “now.”

CHILLS. MOTHERFUCKING CHILLS. Jesus Christ, the impact of that final line!

That fade to black is Julie reminding us, we the audience, that our lives are now, too. There’s something especially poignant about this talk of living minute by minute, living in the present, for a show like Skam, with its innovative real-time format. Skam literally airs minute by minute, in the present, or at least it did when airing. “Life is now” is essentially the central conceit of Skam’s structure. That’s why we talked about it like it was real when it aired. “Is Isak going to meet with Even today?” “Talk to Jonas already, Isak!” “Even hasn’t been school for a few days, I’m worried.” We fit this fictional show into our own real-life narratives, speculating when clips would drop based on real schedules. And here’s Julie basically reminding us that hey … life goes on when the season’s over. Our lives are still happening. She’s reminding us to live in real time as much as the Skam characters do. Embrace the present.

ALT ER LOVE - look, I realize that maybe this quote has been overused, and maybe people wield it as a get out of jail free card because they see any criticism as virulent unnecessary hatred (“don’t criticize anything about Skam or the remakes! remember alt er love uwu”) but this was so powerful at the time. This was just a quote on Even’s door! And Julie posted it for us on her Instagram after the hotel clip to give us hope, to tell us to hang on, everything would be okay. Here it’s made clear within the show, everything is love. I think this was also a love note to the fans, tbh. Much like “Skam <3s You” from S2.

I love the final choice of song so much, It’s “Thank God It’s Christmas” by Queen. Cool to use a band like Queen given that Freddie Mercury is an LGBT icon, and of course the lyrics fit as well:

Oh my love We've had our share of tears Oh my friends We've had our hopes and fears Oh my friends It's been a long hard year But now it's Christmas Yes, it's Christmas Thank God it's Christmas

How beautifully does that fit Isak’s relationships? With Even, with his friends. It’s been a rocky ride, but they’re here together for this Christmas party. Isak is at a much better place in his life. I think pretty much everyone at this party is in a better place than they were previously, arguably. I guess not Noora, depending on your POV? But she seems to be having a good time at this party compared to how she was earlier in the season. Magnus is getting laid, Vilde’s getting dick. The boy squad knows what’s up with their bro Isak and they’re all closer than ever. Even is in a new, loving relationship with someone who understands him and he’s making new social connections, he’s surviving in a new school, he has hope for the future. Isak’s closer with all his friends and has even made some new ones. He’s out of the closet. He’s on better terms with his mom. He’s in love with someone who loves him back. He and Even have gone through hell to get to this point. This happy ending feels utterly earned.

Social Media/Final Comments:

The texts from this week between Isak and Kollektivet are some of my favorite in the entire series. I think it’s fair that say that the Kollektivet taking care of Even is one of my favorite things in the whole season. I wish we had gotten to see more of it, though I understand why we didn’t (and we did get some hints in the clips themselves, like Isak’s phone call to Eskild, Linn playing FIFA with Even, and Even calling out Isak on asking his roommates to look after him). But good Lord, what a wonderful use of social media this week.

After Minutt for minutt, Eskild texts Isak wondering if he’s in his room. Not a metaphor, he clarifies, lmao. He keeps texting “Answer me” and there’s a nod to S2’s hashtag #williammåsvare, this time with isakmåsvare (William/Isak must answer). Finally, Isak tells his guru to chill. Everything’s OK. What a simple but satisfying answer. Like the clip, it’s reassuring as a cool drink of water.

In a Kollektivet text, Isak reveals he has taken Linn’s pizza to make food for Even. Both she and Eskild ask how Even is doing. Isak says that it seems Even is doing better, he’s sleeping a lot - Sonja told him he sleeps a lot when he’s depressed. Even also ate half the pizza, which I’ve seen people attribute to people overeating during depression (it’s common to eat too much or too little) but also like … a teenage boy eating half a frozen pizza isn’t that wild to me even when he’s not depressed, lmao. So it’s as serious as you want it to be.

One of the absolute best lines from Eskild, or anybody, perfectly summing up Isak’s character: “To think that there is so much care in your little grumpy teenager body.”

And Isak’s perfectly Isak response: “Whatever.” His character in a nutshell.

Isak says he can’t miss any more school but also doesn’t want to leave Even alone, quite reasonable of him. He asks about the others’ availability during the day. Eskild and Noora agree to be there. Eskild offers to create a schedule for the whole week with Excel, lmao - he’s always so over-the-top about everything, but he’s always got to do the most to take care of people. Like he is throwing himself into this project of nurturing. Isak asks if it’s OK if Even wants to stay the whole week, and the roommates agree. When there is room in the house, there’s room in the heart. Isak thanks them.

This is so sweet and so kind. The roommates barely know Even - although, to be fair, he did seem to make quite an impression on Eskild and Noora when he was making breakfast, lol. And there was that one week where Eskild was taking and sharing Evak cuddle pictures! But still they have embraced him and welcomed him into the flat, an already crowded apartment. It’s both kindness for Even and kindness for Isak. They know how much he means to Isak. And as Eskild notes, they know how good Isak is being with Even, how much kindness he is showing. Even is bringing out the best of Isak. Kollektivet is such a warm, loving place to live.

The next day, Eskild gives a status report on his time with Even while Isak was away, as we saw mentioned in the locker clip. Eskild made Even a snack and managed to get Even out of bed to play Yahtzee and watch some Planet Earth. OK, now I really feel deprived of all we didn’t get to see this week. You’re lying if you don’t want to see what playing Yahtzee and binging nature documentaries is like with Eskild and Even. He notes that Even was in a better mood when he left.

As opposed to Eskild’s detailed report, Noora is like, Even was chill. When pressed for details, Noora says he slept and she made him a cup of tea. Eskild is disappointed she didn’t go full status report like he did, lmao. Isak says he took Even out to get a kebab, so that’s good, that Even was able to go out and leave the flat.

Vilde posts a little IG story, I think, promoting the Christmas party. I would not be surprised if Ulrikke made this up on the fly, because there’s something Ulrikke-ish rather than Vilde-ish in her delivery, heh.

Actually, what’s amusing is that this video seems like a direct response to her conversation with Isak earlier that day? I’m not positive that it was posted after that clip, but I think it was. She says that she’s aware kosegruppa isn’t the first thing on people’s minds during the busy holiday season, which is her responding to what Isak said about almost forgetting kosegruppa. And in the description, she makes sure to note that you can’t join just for the fun!

She also says, “Are you finding it hard to get out of bed because it’s dark outside?” and I think it’s total coincidence but damn does that match Even’s mood right now. And the Christmas party will be a mark of him climbing out of his depressive episode.

On Tuesday, Noora texts Isak that Even won’t come out of his room, and that she went inside but didn’t reach him - he must have been too down to respond to her. Isak thanks her and lets her know he’s coming home. When Noora wants to know if there’s anything they can do, Isak says he’s calling Sonja.

I like this text for multiple reasons. First, it establishes the up and down nature of Even’s condition. Even had been doing better on Monday, when Eskild played games and watched TV with him. But he’s not out of the woods yet. Depression can be unpredictable, sometimes you’re down when you “shouldn’t” be. Second, I like this little Isak and Noora interaction, and that she contacted him when she was worried. That’s a relationship we don’t get a ton of, but I like that sometimes we see an understanding between their characters, such as the episode 6 clip where he snaps and then tells her William’s an idiot if he gives up on her. Third, that Isak goes to Even ASAP when he hears Even isn’t doing well. Fourth, that Isak contacts Sonja for help. He’s not holding back out of pride, he’s not afraid to ask for help. It’s important because it’s Sonja and there’s no beef there, he’s not reluctant to contact her to help with Even. And moreover, this is what Isak has learned over the course of the season! He’s realized that he’s not alone, that he can reach out to people for help. Being able to ask for help makes him such a more capable person, it shows his maturity and it keeps him from struggling by himself.

Later, in a Kollektivet chat, Noora checks in with Isak, who says that Even is OK and they watched a movie, he’s sleeping now. Eskild asks to switch Even shifts because he has to”sell krill at Karl Johan.” Errr, so is that an actual job he has? Or is Eskild being Eskild?

Linn offers to take the shift and says that she sees a lot of herself in Even. While Noora laughs at the idea of manic Linn, and Eskild says that if Linn is bipolar, Eskild is straight, it’s not that wild of an idea for Linn to recognize parts of herself in Even. Linn is probably not bipolar, we don’t get any indication of mania from her, but she's likely depressed. I mean, even Vilde was able to pick up on it, lol. Eskild says when they’re done with the “secure Even project,” they’ll do the “activate Linn” project. I mean, I certainly hope so? 

He says that 2017 will be Linn’s year. Not that we got too much of a glimpse into Linn’s 2017, but I’d like to think that Kollektivet looked into getting Linn some help for her depression. (I also remember that some people were like “Linn for S4??” after that text, lol.)

Vilde texts Isak about the Christmas tree after their phone conversation Wednesday. She wants Isak to pick it up. He’s like, stress. Vilde insists that he get the tree because it’s Christmas and Christmas is about love, kosegruppa is about love, all you need is love! Why do I get the feeling love is on Vilde’s mind? I don’t know, maybe because she “casually” tells Isak he can invite Magnus and the others. Since the party is at Isak’s anyway. You know, no big deal. When he’s like, I’ll ask, she wants to know if they’ll have something else planned. Ha, she is really worried that Magnus won’t be there! 

And it’s funny that she’s so obsessed with getting the Christmas tree because it’s Christmas and Christmas means love, and that what brings Vilde and Magnus together is a moment together at the tree, Vilde hanging up the cat ornament.

Also, yet another example of Vilde making a request of Isak, him putting up an argument briefly before agreeing to whatever she says.

One of the most meaningful IG posts in the whole series: Isak’s Friday picture of him and Even. It’s Isak and Even, out in public somewhere - it’s impossible to tell where, but it definitely seems like they’re out in the daylight, on the sidewalk. Even is kissing Isak on the cheek, a hand under his chin. Isak is smiling into the camera. And the caption - “no filter.” 

Of course the meaning is much more than not using an Instagram filter. It’s that Isak no longer has a filter over this part of his life. He can live openly as himself, in love with Even. Consider that not even a year ago, Isak posted couple pics with him and Sara. Consider that just a few months ago, he posted a fuckboy-ish meme: “If you can’t remember her name in the morning, take her to Starbucks.” Then Isak graduated to posting a picture of Even on his Instagram. It was Even by himself, though wearing Isak’s shirt. And now we have Isak and Even together, clearly affectionate, clearly unable to deny the nature of their relationship. I mean, we see in S4 that Sara was all EHHHHH??????? about this picture, very caught off guard that her ex is dating a dude. 

But this is one way that the social media format can add so much to the story! Isak’s character development is charted through his social media posts. It’s fantastic.

Also, it’s a nice bit of optimism, because Even is clearly out and about, so he’s doing a little better, too.

In a boy squad text, Magnus pitches his brilliant idea of an app that watches YouTube videos for you to save time. I genuinely have no idea what the point of that is. Is the app going to summarize the video for you? Anyway, clearly, not the world’s best idea but Isak jokes that Magnus should call NAV (the public welfare agency).

Isak asks if the boys are coming to the kosegruppa party. Magnus doesn’t even know if Isak is serious with that, but of course Isak is totally serious.

Mahdi and Jonas seem unenthusiastic and unsure about the party, but all Isak has to do is drop in that Vilde’s coming to the party, and Magnus is like, OK, done. Lmao, Isak. I love that Vilde was so concerned that the boys would have other plans and then all Isak has to say to Magnus is that Vilde will be there and it’s settled.

The last text message of the season is between Isak and Sonja, of all people. But I love that it is. Isak thanks her for her advice and wishes her Merry Christmas. It’s a kind gesture. Isak is appreciative of the people who’ve helped him, and he hasn’t forgotten that Sonja has helped him. He isn’t mad at her, he doesn’t have a grudge of anything. And Sonja replies back, Merry Christmas to you two as well. Apparently she is definitely clarifying that she means to the two of them, Isak and Even as a couple, and not just Isak. That’s also meaningful. She has accepted that Isak and Even are a duo now, it’s no longer Even and Sonja, it’s Isak and Even. I’m not saying she’s totally over it by now or anything, that she doesn’t have any remaining feelings for Even or anger or sadness over how their relationship ended, but she’s accepted it. I think it’s likely that this is possibly the last time Isak reached out for her, that he didn’t ask her for help after this (and Even seems mostly out of his dark period so Isak might not need help for a while, anyway, and by that time he might have talked to Even himself and been able to get more information out of him on what Even needs when he’s up or down). If this is the last time they talked, it’s a nice final message, both of them respectful, Sonja in the process of moving on.

I’m sure Even talked to Sonja himself at some point. I don’t know if they stayed in touch too much, but I’m sure they had to talk at least for practical reasons, like they probably had some of each other’s stuff that they had to return, things like that. And I think that they probably needed a final goodbye conversation just to clear the air between them. Maybe not right away, maybe they needed a little time, but hopefully they could talk it out so they didn’t have any lingering bitterness or anything. Even if their relationship went poorly in the end, they still had years together, and they were important to each other.

And our last IG post of the season: a group pic at the kosegruppa Christmas party. We have the complete boy squad (with Even!), girl squad, Eskild, Linn, Penetrator Chris, and three randos who are there to make it look like an actual club, I guess (fair enough!) One of them is Tarjei’s friend Rumen. Though it’s funny that almost half of these people are not even in kosegruppa. (Or so they think. Because the rest of the boy squad is definitely getting dragged into it.)

In the pic, Magnus gazes longingly at Vilde - was this picture before or after their hookup? Is he staring at Vilde still wondering how to approach her, or is he waiting for this photo session to be over so they can get to the bone zone already?

Magnus isn’t the only one doing some ogling. P-Chris eyeballs Eva, and who of us can blame him?

The randos seem like the appropriate people to be in kosegruppa; they’re making weird expressions and one of them wields a rolling pin as if she can administer a beating to the first taker. 

Eskild hugs Mahdi around the waist, and Mahdi seems pleased with this! Awww. Again, WHERE was my boy squad/Eskild content in the show? 

And finally, of course we have Isak and Even, looking casually cuddly, Even’s arms around Isak’s chest and Isak’s arms over Even’s. Being able to be together just like that. Merry Christmas, everybody.

I’m not sure what else I can say about this season that I haven’t said elsewhere throughout these reaction posts, so I guess I’ll be redundant: season three of Skam is a masterpiece. It really is. There is barely anything I would change, and honestly even the few criticisms I can make are very small, so much that they’re just tweaks and nitpicks rather than radical overhauls of the material. I’m completely fine with the season as is. A thousand times more than fine, actually.

I watched this season in real time, from the pool scene to episode 10, and all that time I was expecting something to go off the rails. I was expecting something to fall down and disappoint me, and instead this season never went wrong. In fact, it turned out better than I expected every single time. The writing was better. The acting was better. This beautiful relationship at the core of the season developed into the best romance I’ve seen on screen, with electric chemistry. The friendships and platonic relationships became vital to the season’s importance, each one of them different and fulfilling a unique purpose - Isak’s friendship with Jonas is not the same as his friendship with Sana is not the same as his friendship with Eskild. Isak himself is a wonderful character. Yes, he’s prickly and grumpy. Yes, sometimes he does stuff that isn’t kind or likable. Yes, he’s very flawed. But we saw him grow from a repressed, unhappy kid in the closet to an empathetic, determined young man living authentically as himself, able to reach out to others, apologize for his mistakes, and display all the goodness and love that he was capable of. Tarjei made Isak into someone I always rooted for, at his worst and at his best. That’s not to even go into the additional strengths of season three, such as the multifaceted symbolism and the dynamite soundtrack.

This last episode shows why Skam is such a wiser, kinder show than most. We get an ending that is realistic and not exactly a fairy tale - it’s not like Even’s mental illness is cured by love or that we’re supposed to think everything will be all right, always. But we get an ending that is highly optimistic about Isak’s future, and Isak and Even’s relationship. We get scenes of characters quietly understanding each other without words. We get scenes of characters apologizing to each other for past mistakes. We get scenes of characters encouraged to be themselves, and expressing happiness at being able to live like themselves. We get scenes and messages of characters taking care of each other. This is why I love Skam so much. This is why people gripped onto this show so tightly and why many still have not been able to let go. This is why you are reading this more than two years later.

Out of curiosity, I compiled these recaps and the word count from these S3 reactions is 136,721 words. So if you got through all of that, really, I fucking love you. 

Because I’m a cornball, I posted all of these S3 reactions at 21:21.

Thank you again for reading my S3 reactions! Alt Er Love ❤️

[mileheitcity-blog]

Three Days in Iceland

Pre-Trip

I had planned on hitting Iceland on my way to Europe for some time.  It was around 2012 that I first heard of the extended layover on Icelandair, but never really thought to look much into it, at least until I had a reason to.  Study abroad finally gave me that reason. Turns out you can stay up to seven days in Iceland on your way to wherever you want to go without incurring extra service fees.  Combine that with relatively cheap airfare and it seemed like the easiest way to beat jetlag and see somewhere new.  I figured a place like Iceland would be a little expensive, and not wanting to blow my entire wallet before I even hit Amsterdam, I decided on a three day layover.  It seemed like enough time to see some of Western Iceland and maybe get a feel for the place.  I made sure to pack for some outdoors: raincoat, hiking shoes, swimsuit, sweatshirts.  When researching places to stay, I found my hunch about price was correct: Iceland was more than a little expensive.  Staying in Reykjavik was out of the question, so instead I found a guesthouse in the village of Akranes, about 45 minutes up the road. After the quarter ended in early June, I flew to Denver to see my parents and tie up some important loose ends before my trip.  On June 17, I caught my first flight from Denver International Airport and tried to sleep on the seven hour flight to Keflavik.

Day 1

Our flight was a little late getting out of Denver, so we landed at around 9:30 local time in Iceland.  Running on about 3.5 hours of sleep, I got my rental car and headed straight for my 11:00 appointment at the Blue Lagoon.  I was running about an hour late, of course, but they didn’t seem to mind at all.  In fact, it was one of the best customer service experiences I’ve ever had.  If I went down the wrong hallway, they immediately pointed me in the right direction or let me through with my wristband anyway.  The sushi I had was nourishing after all that time in the air.  The water was nothing short of spectacular: milky white, warm and relaxing.  Two steam baths and a sauna were open and accessible in the corner and both were quite necessary.  One kiosk on the left hand side sold mud masks, like the Dead Sea, and offered a silica one for free.  Two rounds of the silica mask made the skin on my face feel as happy as it had been in years.  Another kiosk in the corner sold beer and drinks, so I got the Icelandic national brew: Gull.  Drinking and driving in Iceland is strictly forbidden, so I wanted to make sure to limit myself to only two drinks on my trip, this being one of them.  I’ll get to the other one later.  Gull isn’t too bad, but not too great.  Something of a standard macro lager, a few shades better than Rainier.  Enjoying my drink slowly allowed me to make friends with some folks around me from the Pacific Northwest, which definitely made the transition to a foreign land a little easier.  My only regret from a place like this is that eventually you’ll have to leave.  But I’ll be back...

Feeling refreshed, relaxed, and sobered up from my one beer, I hopped in the car and went to Reykjavik.  It’s a fairly small city: you can see much of the main areas in a day.  The main landmark in the city is Halgrimskirkja: the cathedral of the Church of Iceland.  It’s fairly impressive, with a really cool looking pipe organ and a statue of Leif Erikson in front.  I had forgotten he was of Iceland, that his father was Erik the Red.  Not far from Halgrimskirkja was the Laugevegur, the main restaurant and shopping district.  It was along this street that I knew where to find my second and final drink in Iceland.  Many of the hot spots along this street carried oddly American names: the Chuck Norris Grill, a pub called Boston that looked like it was taken directly out of Cheers. I finally came upon the one I wanted: Lebowskibar.  It was absolutely kitsch, sure, but I’m a sucker for anything to do with The Big Lebowski.  I had to have my White Russian, and a “hell of a Caucasian” it was.

About 3000 ISK later, I took a short walk to the Icelandic Punk Museum to sober up a bit, but it was nothing special.   The coolest thing there was a little joke at Hitler’s expense, which is never a bad thing. After the Punk Museum it was time to head on up to Akranes.  There was no one at the desk, but my key was waiting for me inside, with the sun still shining at around 10pm.  I took a walk down to the lighthouse at the end of town to catch the closest thing Iceland has to a summer sunset, and caught the midnight sun as I got back to the guesthouse for the night.  A solid day one.

Day 2

Got a late start after sleeping off the jetlag and went right for what I really came for: Hákarl.  I knew that fermented shark was pretty gnarly, but I wasn’t gonna miss it. The spot to go find shark is on the Snæfellsnes Peninsula at the  Bjarnarhöfn Shark Museum.  The museum is located pretty well out in the middle of nowhere, about two hours up the road from Akranes. I didn’t get on the road until almost noon, so I thought I was out of time.  I quickly grabbed a cup of coffee and a full tank of gas (around 250ISK per litre!) found my way.  I found out later I had quite a bit of sunlight to work with. The Shark Museum itself is a small house on a windswept headland on the northern side of the peninsula.  A spectacular view.  Undaunted, I paid my 1000 ISK to see the place.  The museum itself is a rather eclectic collection of maritime memorabilia and Icelandic antiques.  The collection seemed almost unorganized, but I wasn’t there for the collection, I was there for the shark.  The presentation was short, but interesting: a burly Icelander explains how the shark is poisonous when eaten fresh because it doesn’t process urine, so they have to basically let the thing rot in wooden tubs before letting it dry out back for a while, leading to its notorious smell.  The smell can best be described as a mix of ammonia and urine, which makes sense, and though it is indeed quite foul it’s not nearly as strong or permeating as I expected it to be.  It tasted much better than it smelled: like a slightly buttery fish, nothing too offensive.  After a short peek at the collection, the burly Icelander directs you to the drying house out back.  That’s where the magic happens, and the food gets its stinky reputation. Where the fish was pretty mild, the drying house is extremely pungent and stings your nose.  The visual appearance of the shark as its cured is no more appealing: brown, crusty, and oozing with liquid.  Overall though, the shark wasn’t too bad.  A man in need could almost make a meal out of the stuff, and definitely could make a side dish.

Next stop was Kirkjufell and the town of Grundarfjörður about 30 minutes further out along the peninsula.  Kirkjufell was featured on seasons six and seven of Game of Thrones, which was totally why I wanted to see it and not because it was a symbol of Iceland.  But that was a nice perk too.  I grabbed a hot dog in  Grundarfjörður and found a nice little cafe that was also a small library, a great find along the trail.  The mountain itself is impressive, and the nearby stream is fed by a sprawling waterfall across the highway. Very picturesque.  

My third and final stop was the Vatnshellir Cave on the far end of the peninsula, about another hour out.  I pull in at around 17:50, about ten minutes before they close for the day, and this place is remote.  I mean even the WiFi router I brought in the car with me, the one that worked for my entire Iceland trip, couldn’t find anything out there.  If there was an “end of the Earth”, this was it.  The cave itself is an experience onto itself.  They fit you with a helmet and a flashlight, and a friendly guide takes you down a long spiral metal staircase made slick by constant water dripping through the soil.  The cave was created by a volcanic explosion, like pretty much everything else on this island, and is layered with eons of nature’s bidding.  Afteer some time exploring the worn lava rock, you go down another staircase: this one even longer (about 40 meters) and slicker.  At the end of the cave tour, the guide has us all close our eyes and turn out our lights. When we open them, all language barriers between the tour group disappears with a loud “whoa!” in relative unison as we all process the complete lack of light.  Pitch black has new meaning there.  The darkness is absolute, whole, enveloping.  There really isn’t a way to describe just how dark it is with absolutely no sunlight whatsoever.  After a few meditative minutes we all climbed back up, glad we had made the trek down.  On the way out, I happened upon what looked like the keeper of the lighthouse at the end of the jetty lowering the Icelandic flag for the night.  Felt like the perfect symbol to cap off a truly Icelandic day.  

Day 3

My final day in Iceland I wanted to pack in anything else I missed before I took off to Amsterdam.  I got up and headed straight back too Reykjavik.  The Alþingi building is beautiful from the outside, and claims to be the oldest active parliament in the world, however, they had no tours for the day.  Undaunted, I stumbled to the Settlement Exhibition up the street, colloquially called 871+- 2, in reference to the probably year Iceland was first settled by Vikings, within a range of a year or two. The Settlement Museum is very interactive, and contains replica models of some of the houses the original settlers built.  The Settlement Exhibition is part of a museum network with two others, of which I only went to one: the oldest extant house in Reykjavik.  The house held a small photo exhibition of Icelandic life in 1918, and was fairly well curated.  

My second stop of the day was...shall we say a little different: the Icelandic Phallocalogical Museum.  This guy, for some reason, had a large curated collection of animal penises, and somehow found it within himself to mount and display them in a complete museum dedicated to his collection. There are large penises, like that of a blue whale, and small penises, like that of a hamster. He even has a couple of bronze casts of human penises.  The voice on the audio guide never explains why he has such a collection, and why he decided to display it on the wall for everyone to see, but boy does he go into detail about each penis.  Far more than I wanted to know, but still worth a chuckle.  

The Icelandic Rock and Roll Museum was only 30 more minutes down the road in Reykjanesbær , and contained a well curated mix of materials dating back to the early days and some bands I had never heard of. I mostly just went to geek on bunch of Björk and Sigur Rós and Of Monsters and Men.  The collection did not disappoint.  The museum was interactive, and even had a karaoke booth (that wasn’t soundproof, as I found out later).  I was able to get my fill of guitars and strange costumes and even a band made out of wood.  Fans of MoPop in Seattle (formerly known as the Experience Music Project) might be a little underwhelmed, but this was a fun tribute to the fascinating music history of such a tiny place. I may have spent a little too much time and energy in the karaoke room singing some of my favorites; the woman working at the desk barged in about halfway through song six (I think?) to tell me the room wasn’t soundproof. Oops.

My next two stops were a bit far away, and it was already 3pm, so I needed to hit the road. Only about nine more hours of sunlight.  Reykjadalur Hot Springs got some rave reviews on YouTube, and was only about 90 minutes up the road. Or so I thought.  The parking lot sits down at the bottom of a steep mountain pass near the town of Hveragerði.  A little coffee shop greets visitors, but it had shut down for the day.  It was pretty chili outside so I grabbed my sweatshirt for what I thought was a short walk to the river. Turns out the springs itself is a three kilometer walk up the hill.  And people swim in the river.  I immediately regretted forgetting both my hiking shoes and my swimsuit.  The hike up to the springs is stunning.  Sweeping valleys and steep canyons give way to open fields full of sheep.  So many sheep.  They graze in the valley, drink some of the colder water downstream, and even walk right up towards the trail for the freshest grass.  Off in the distance steam literally billows out of the earth.  The only time I’ve ever seen anything like it was at Yellowstone, but this was different. It was....quiet. Peaceful. The smell of sulfur carries with the wind.  Near the end of the hike, you walk right through one of those steam vents, which was somehow simultaneously refreshing and blinding.  The hot springs themselves are more like a spot in the river.  Something in the soil is volcanic, so the ground heats the water to some naturally balmy temperatures. The bathing area is nearly the opposite of the Blue Lagoon.  There are no amenities, there is no one bringing you a drink or offering you a mud mask.  There are no saunas or steam baths, or any real facilities of any kind for that matter. Not a roof in sight, not even a restroom.  Only a few privacy barriers indicated a potential spot to change out.    I wasn’t exactly prepared for a full swim, so I took my shoes off and soaked my aching feet a while.  The hot mineral water was quite soothing, really softened up the calluses.

The hike up and down created quite an appetite.  I saw a sign on the road back to the main highway for a pizza bar and geothermal brewery: Ölverk. Good enough for me. The place was a little fancier than I expected, but the food and service were both really delicious.  Got a pizza with dates, bacon, and blue cheese on it, and it’s probably the only pizza with fruit I’d do again.  I passed on the beer: around 2700 ISK for a taster flight of four, 4000 ISK for a draft pour. Makes the ballpark seem cheap. Turns out the geothermal thing was just how they generated their power anyway, which is kinda cool I suppose, but that’s how they generate much of their electricity there. That’s like saying a brewery in Seattle is hydroelectric powered.  It was getting late in the day at this point, but my friend recommended I hit a spot a little further up the road: Kerið Crater. It’s a sinkhole, but an impressive one.  The parking lot backs right up to the crater, and there’s a short hike around and a staircase to the bottom.  At the bottom is a pool of clean, cool groundwater. Like everywhere else in that country, it was created by volcanic activity.  Some kind of sinkhole type process. I took the staircase to the bottom, took a drink of the water (tasted great!), and had a lovely conversation with some folks from Russia.  A chat with some folks from the other side of the world seemed like a good way to transition to the next portion of my trip.  I took a windy route back through the southern portion of Þingvellir National Park, but it was around 10:30pm at that point so I knew I needed to drive the couple hours back to Akranes to make my flight.  The back roads were wide open and peaceful: for kilometers on end I might have been the only person.  There was also some gravel, but some experience living in the Colorado mountains served me well.  I cranked up the tunes and thought wistfully of the summer ahead of me.  Amsterdam, I’m ready.

Final Thoughts

Iceland is a place unto itself.  My only regret is that I didn’t allow myself one more day.  More than that though, oof.  It gets expensive.  Outside of Reykjavik is extremely rural and provincial, and Reykjavik is indeed lovely, but not exactly the most cosmopolitan or bustling city. I would go back, and would recommend it to almost everyone, but unless you plan on doing some hardcore expeditions you can see pretty much everything in three to four days.  For me, it served its purpose: I relaxed at the Blue Lagoon, ate Hákarl, slept off the jetlag, and adjusted to some of the differences of European culture.  Overall, a lovely experience. Oh, and be aware the tap water smells like sulfur.

[jira-chii]

Thoughts on the Shoumetsu Toshi Anime before it even airs

The Shoumetsu Toshi anime will air in April 2019, which fills me with both excitement and trepidation... 

Warning for long post. And a bit of language. I may have spoiled the bare minimum of the game in order to explain why it is awesome. There are no spoilers for the anime because it doesn't air until April 2019. 

NB: This whole post is my own personal opinion. I don’t claim to be an expert in anything anime or game related. In fact, I don't play many mobile games at all, and usually steer clear of anime adaptations of such games because I know how shit they can be. I sincerely hope Shoumetsu Toshi will be different because of the quality of the writing. Also yes I am very biased. And passionate. And this whole thing is written on the assumption the producers actually want to make this anime good and worthwhile, rather than just a quick money-grab. I just have a lot of feelings about this ok. 

During Shoumetsu Toshi’s fourth year anniversary, one of the projects announced was an anime! I'm sure everyone playing knew this was going to happen eventually. After all, the game has an all star cast of seiyuu, an amazing storyline, and has been marketing itself for quite a while now (collabs, live concerts, CDs, keychains and more). I have no doubt Shoumetsu Toshi has the potential to become an amazing anime if done correctly, but it will face many challenges on the path to adaptation. Here are some of them.

Too many tamashii

One of the game’s greatest strengths also becomes one of its greatest barriers to adaptation. Shoumetsu Toshi has done an amazing job at creating a huge community of characters (like, an actual city). We get to see their stories unfold and their characters develop bit by bit through various events and quest stages. Within the game, we meet characters that are strong and inspiring, characters with complex relationships, characters that are good-natured and goofy, characters with tragic pasts and so much more. There are characters with stories in this game that will tear your heart to shreds, stories with plot twists nobody saw coming until years later, and stories that were so impactful I had to write a 3000 word essay on it before I was satisfied.

Unfortunately, the anime cannot afford to invest the same amount of time and effort in its characters as the game does. Though we love them, including too many would be detrimental because 1. It wouldn’t fit the tone the anime is going for, 2. There's actually no point because the majority of these don't affect the main story whatsoever and 3. They won't be developed enough for first timers to become invested in them. Especially the ones with more serious stories.

The producers will need to carefully choose which characters to include: characters that are not only distinct and easy to invest in, but will actually contribute to the plot and make the time getting to know them worthwhile. Because one of the worst things an anime can do imo, is bring in a character nobody is invested in, who contributes nothing to the story, has zero character development (i.e. their character is based completely on cliches and tropes) but also gets about 200% more screen time than any other side character, because there is the assumption that they’ll be popular based on their character design alone. That is just lazy writing and is disrespectful not only to the audience, but also the character (I don’t care if they’re fictional, good characters deserve respect too).

I fear there is a very real danger SPR5 could become that. The in-game idol group got a real world debut, and, while I don’t mind seeing promotion in an anime (we live in a capitalist society after all), they shouldn’t contribute much to the overall story, and I will be very disappointed if the anime give them more screen time than they need purely for the sake of marketing.  

Complex storyline

If there is one thing I absolutely don't want this anime to get wrong, it’s the story. The Shoumetsu Toshi main storyline is frickin’ amazing. It is an epic quest that spans four worlds, involves characters literally jumping through space and time, and breaks the fourth wall in the creepiest way possible. The creativity that comes with that is my absolute favourite thing about the game, however I acknowledge some heavy changes would need to be made to make it fit the traditional anime format…

I have heard the anime will be an original story, however the PV suggests it will still retain key plot points from the game. Contrary to my general opinions regarding anime-original content, I think this is the right way to go. I think fans innately despise original stories in anime adaptations for one of two reasons: the story will either be too complex for non-fans to enjoy, ruining the reputation of the series, or the story will be too watered down in order to appeal to said non-fans and consequently lose much of what made the original actually great. Achieving harmony is an incredibly difficult balancing act, and part of this involves the series living up to its own greatness. Which very rarely happens. If Shoumetsu Toshi goes for a retelling of say, World 1, it is invariably going to be compared to the original. Also it becomes predictable for anyone far enough into the game. If the producers do want to go the extra mile and make it worthwhile for the OG fans (which is nice in theory but, admittedly, unlikely), they would need to add some meaningful original content that still retains the essence of what makes Shoumetsu Toshi, Shoumetsu Toshi. That is, it retains the same themes and atmosphere, conveys a similar message, keeps all the characters appropriately in character...basically anything that would not feel out of place if it were to be inserted into the original. Luckily for us, Shoumetsu Toshi writers have loads of experience with this. I am talking, of course, about the mountain of ranking quests, side stories and events.

I will admit not every single minor story in Shoumetsu Toshi is fantastic, particularly many of the ranking events, which usually only allow about three stages to tell a story focused on one character. However, what I think the game does do very well in respect to these short ranking stories (and many other events and side stories open to lower level players), is make them accommodating to both old and new players. This is usually achieved by including Easter eggs and hints to a greater plot for the former, while keeping the actual main story for that particular quest straightforward and accessible for the latter. This strategy avoids alienating newcomers and will be absolutely vital if the anime is aiming to appeal to a larger audience, namely the international one who are mostly not even aware of the game. Failure to adhere to this strategy is also partially why many anime adaptations of games have such a shitty track record. They try to pack in too much, usually by explaining multiple complex concepts without devoting enough time to see them properly work in action. The story might take a backburner in favour of the more technical stuff, leaving newcomers confused and bored. Then when it’s time for the climax, nobody actually understands what is happening on screen. “Just play the source material”, actual fans will say, but really, unless the premise or characters appealed to me, how likely am I to invest even more time into a game if I thought the anime was boring as hell?

I do not think Shoumetsu Toshi will be able to showcase its full potential in one anime season. But if the goal of the anime is just to promote the game, there is no need to. If the goal of the anime were to be an actual good anime though, I think the creators would need to take the same approach as the game does for its stories.

Shoumetsu Toshi’s most epic moments are its unpredictable and creative plot twists. The amazing thing is, they don’t just come out of nowhere. This game’s strongest stories are the long ones that build up gradually to spectacular and emotional climaxes, which are possible because characters are given ample time to establish their values and motivations. This helps us as an audience better understand important plot points without the story having to beat us over the head about it, allowing the game to weave a subtle yet sophisticated narrative that actually makes total sense by the end. This means the story needs to be planned out from the very beginning, and will need some time for setup. Which means it won’t truly shine until the metaphorical ‘late-game’.

Stories like these are at a disadvantage these days because, especially with the Internet giving us so much more choice, a lot of anime watchers now tend to drop a show if it fails to impress them from the very start. After about three episodes, the audience should have a good feel for the anime’s main characters, setting and a hint of the main plot. If by then, absolutely nothing about the series appeals to you, you would start to think there are better things you could be doing with your time. Unfortunately, sometimes a show just needs a long time to set up a good story (or sometimes producers dick around too much with filler episodes).  

On top of probably needing a slow start, the Shoumetsu Toshi anime is at another disadvantage in respect to one type of audience, because the game does not have an English version. Which means a lot of the Western anime audience will have had no prior interaction with it and don’t know what to expect. They have no idea who the characters are, what the story is, and why its fanbase considers it so much more than just another gacha game. We just have to hope the anime is compelling enough in the beginning to ‘hook’ these newcomers, and make them stay on board long enough to make their time worth it...

A good Shoumetsu Toshi story needs to take risks. I hope to God nobody at that studio makes the executive decision to ‘play it safe’, because the last thing any fan wants is a disappointing anime adaptation with a mundane story even a non-fan wouldn’t be able to enjoy.The writers need to be given complete autonomy and trust to fully realise their creative vision, because that is exactly what is needed if this adaptation wants to use Shoumetsu Toshi’s biggest drawcard to its full advantage.

Animating exposition

This is a pretty minor thing compared to the other two I mentioned previously, but the most iconic thing that sets an anime adaptation apart from the source material is, well, the animation. Visuals and animation are probably the biggest things influencing a new audience’s first impression. Unfortunately, the PV portrayed some pretty lacklustre animation for Madhouse standards and I don’t think people were that impressed.

Good animation is time-consuming and can actually take quite a lot of effort on the part of the director (not that I have that much experience to speak to). Where to place characters in the shot composition, when and how far to zoom in for a close-up, how to best direct movement for maximum impact, but also keeping the scene direction consistent enough that the audience can still understand what is happening on screen. Dynamic scenes are hard enough, but on the other end of the spectrum, how do you animate a static character reciting an information dump in an interesting way?

Shoumetsu Toshi has a lot of talking. It's just something that comes part and parcel with a game of this format. In the game it's alright because you can read at your own pace, and it's important information. Plus they usually keep you engaged by switching up characters’ facial expressions (Shoumetsu Toshi 0 does this in spades) or by distracting you with the stellar soundtrack. I expect the anime is also gonna have a heap of exposition. I mean, from the PV alone I already see at least three expositional characters: Geek, Eiji and Kikyou.

Personally I think expositions are the hardest things to animate. And I don't mean difficult to actually draw and turn into animation, but to actually direct something like that in a satisfying way takes brain power. There are an infinite number of ways to animate characters talking, ranging from the super boring still-image-with-moving-mouth-flap, to using dynamic camera angles to keep the composition interesting, or overlaying a montage of some sort to visually convey the message without having to look at a static character. The game provides only a generic idea of how the scene might play out when animated. While this opens the door to a heap of creative possibilities, I’m concerned that if it comes down to time and budget, or if someone gets lazy, it is very likely we could end up with one hella boring sequence of exposition. Which could be a serious problem if the action scenes aren’t able to impress.

Ahh, you guys have no idea how much I want this anime to do well. There's just so much potential there.

In my opinion, traditional anime can be seen as an incredibly limited medium that must, in the span of about 12 episodes, tell a good story to its audience, invest them in its characters, and keep them engaged for half an hour each episode through pretty visuals/cool animation. If they can’t do that the audience will probably drop the series because they a) get bored, b) don’t care, and/or c) fall asleep. This also means a good anime can’t afford to sacrifice story for character development or vice versa. They need to happen concurrently.

It is not easy to make a good anime, and even more difficult to make one that lives up to the hype of its very amazing source material. As a general rule of thumb, I keep my expectations of game adaptations low, and that is what I said to myself when the Shoumetsu Toshi anime was announced. But then one day I got linked a Shoumetsu Toshi drama CD, and I was blown away by how well they did it. The title is The Vanished Elephant, a literary reference to Murakami's short story of the same name. I'm trying not to spoil but basically, the CD fully utilised the fact we can't see the characters (but can hear them) to craft a mysterious original story with a wonderful plot twist. It works just as a stand alone story, but actual players who are familiar with the characters and motifs immediately get that sense of unease at the very beginning, which is finally paid off with the reveal at the end.

Thanks to that, I can't help but be excited for the anime. If they do fuck it up, I won't be surprised but I will be very, very, sad.

If you have read this far, thank you so much for your time. If you are unfamiliar with Shoumetsu Toshi, could I ask you to please give this anime a chance? And if after its run, it does turn out shit, by all means, complain to your heart’s content (because I will be doing the same).

[iwillphysicallyfiteyou]

Badass Boys - Chapter Eighteen

First, Previous, and Next.

Masterlist/Outfits

Series Description: Virgil has always been known as a bad boy, Logan very recently has been considered a bad boy. However, no one knows that these two bad boys are gay.

Chapter Description: Virgil and Kyla meet.

Pairings: Analogical (Side Royality)

CW: Strong language

Criticism is appreciated!

“Can I tell you something?” Logan asked.

“Yeah, of course,” Virgil responded as he scratched his ear.

“I, um, got into the university.”

“Really? Oh my God, Logan, that’s amazing!” Virgil beamed as he managed to give Logan a hug while they’re sitting.

“Yeah. So… have you applied yet? The deadline is next week.”

“I’m almost finished with the application. I’m going to finish it, Logan, I promise.”

Logan sighed and said, “Virgil.”

“I know, I know, I’m sorry,” Virgil apologized.

“Hey, don’t sound so sad. It’s fine, just make sure to get it done before the deadline,” Logan reassured with a soft and gentle voice.

Virgil smiled as he laid his head on Logan’s shoulder.

Loud footsteps and laughter roared through the hallway, then Brooklyn and Kyla stormed into Logan’s room.

“Loganbear!” Brooklyn shouted as she tackled Logan into a hug.

“So you’re Logan’s new boy toy,” Kyla said as she put her hands on her hips. Her lips are neutral, but her eyes are smiling.

Brooklyn stood up and playfully punched Kyla’s stomach.

“Don’t word it that way, Jesus,” Brooklyn said.

“Actually my name is Kyla, not Jesus.”

Logan chuckled before saying, “this is Virgil, by the way.”

“Virgil, what a weird name,” Kyla said.

“Thanks,” Virgil said in a deadpanned voice.

“Anyways, we came up here because we want food. Let’s go make scrambled eggs,” Brooklyn said- more like demanded.

“Then we would be leaving Kyla and Virgil alone,” Logan said.

“And? Kyla’s not planning on murdering him. As long as Virgil isn’t planning to murder Kyla then we should be fine.” Brooklyn crossed her arms.

Logan sighed before saying, “fine. Let’s make some food.

“Yay!”

Logan and Brooklyn left the room, which left Kyla and Virgil alone in Logan’s room in silence.

“I know that we don’t really know each other but, are your legs ago. There are some faint bruises on them,” Kyla said as she gestured to Virgil’s legs, which are bare since he’s still wearing the shorts that Patton gave him.

“Oh, uh, yeah, I just bump into things a lot,” Virgil lied.

“Hmm,” Kyla mumbled, clearly displeased.

“I like your hair,” Virgil said in a lame attempt to change the subject.

“Thanks. If I’m being completely honest, the main reason I dye my hair is to get more likes on Instagram,” Kyla admitted.

‘Oh, so she’s one of those people that admit everything to strangers. No filter, no problem,’ Virgil thought.

“Ooh, what’s your Instagram, I wanna follow,” Virgil said as he pulled out his phone.

“It’s queenkylamarie.”

As he clicked follow his eyes trailed down to her bio, which is: ‘bi lady that loves teal hair and button-ups.’

“You’re bi?” Virgil asked.

“Yup,” she looked at her phone, “Really? Your username is daggerteen666?” Kyla asked as she clicked follow.

“Look, I was an edgy fourteen-year-old when I got this app, okay?”

“How’d you get 5.7k followers?” She asked.

“I mean, you’re not that far behind, you got 1.1k followers.”

“Yeah, but that’s like nothing.”

“Listen, kid, don’t focus on the numbers.”

“Fine, I’ll ask Roman then.”

Virgil chuckled while saying, “you do that then.”

“Now, you and Logan, what’s up with that?” She asked as she crossed her arms and legs while standing.

“I, uh, have no idea how to answer that- or what that question even means.”

“Are you two official?” She asked.

“Nope.”

“Have you two made out?” Kyla asked while she wiggled her eyebrows.

“Oh Gosh Kyla, stop being a weirdo.”

“Tell me,” she whined as she sat down next to Virgil.

“Fine, yes, we have once,” Virgil admitted, and Kyla squealed.

“I love young budding romances,” Kyla said dramatically.

“God, you are so fucking weird,” Virgil said as he chuckled. “So, what about you? How’s your young budding romance, if you have any?”

“I hardcore flirted this boy named Wyatt to make Brooklyn jealous, it um, worked a little too well,” Kyla admitted as she looked down and scratched the back of her neck.

“Why would you do that?” Virgil furrowed his brows.

“She has been oblivious to me flirting with her so I thought I’d get a little push, but she just got upset.”

“Which is reasonable.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t really think my plan through.” She crossed her arms and looked Virgil straight in the eyes with an intense gaze. Virgil looked away from her gaze and asked, “so, how do you feel about Brooklyn?”

“Well, we’ve been besties for years, she’s really cute, and I want to lick her face,” she said matter-of-factly.

“Ew.”

“Kyla! Virgil! Get yo eggs!” Brooklyn screamed from downstairs.

The two walked to the dining room where Logan, Brooklyn, and Mr. Woods are sitting at a table while eating scrambled eggs. There’s one plate full of eggs in between Logan and Mr. Woods, and one in between Mr. Woods and Kyla. Virgil decided to take the seat in between Logan and Mr. Woods.

“So, Virgil, how are you doing?” Mr. Woods asked.

“Pretty good,” Virgil answered before taking a bite of the eggs. They’re perfectly average, like all scrambled eggs. Virgil glanced up at Mr. Woods, who had a curious glint in his eyes and had furrowed his brows.

“Are you-”

“So Logan, are you going to live in the dorms?” Brooklyn interrupted Mr. Woods.

‘Thank Pete Wentz for Brooklyn,’ Virgil thought.

“I, uh, was actually planning to get an apartment with Virgil,” Logan said as he smiled at Virgil, who smiled back.

“Really?” Mr. Woods asked.

“Yeah, it’s going to be great,” Virgil can’t stop smiling at Logan.

“What about you Brooklyn, what are you planning to do?” Mr. Woods asked.

“Listen fam, I’m too young to think about getting an apartment, going to college, any of that shit-”

“Language!”

“-and I’m not about to start stressing ‘bout that stuff yet,” Brooklyn ranted.

Logan closed the door after Virgil sat onto his bed.

“Why is your room so much smaller than Brooklyn’s?” Virgil asked as Logan sat down next to him.

“Her room used to be mine, but she kept complaining that she wanted the bigger room, so we switched,” Logan explained.

“Oh. That’s not nearly as interesting as I thought it would be,” Virgil admitted, and Logan chuckled.

“I got a job at Starbucks,” Logan said.

“Lo, that’s spectacular!” Virgil exclaimed as he turned so that his whole body is facing Logan. He put his hands on Logan’s hips and put his head on Logan’s shoulders. Logan turned so that the position felt less awkward.

“I wanna get you out of your house as soon as possible, Babe,” Logan whispered.

“I know.”

Logan stroked Virgil’s hair and closed his eyes.

“We can start looking at apartments online right now,” Virgil said.

“Okay.”

Virgil gave Logan a quick kiss before taking out his phone and went on safari. After a couple of seconds, he landed on a house finding website.

“Alright, Florida- how many bedrooms do we want?” Virgil asked.

“Put 1+,” Logan said.

“Alright, 1+ bathrooms.”

“This place is nice.”

“The kitchen is so small though.”

“What about this one?”

“The kitchen is even smaller.”

“What about this one, the kitchen is a nice size, and we’ll have a guest bedroom.”

Logan looked through the photos of the apartment and smiled.

“I love it,” he breathed.

“Chocolate or strawberry?” Virgil asked over the phone.

“Don’t you mean chocolate or vanilla?” Logan asked.

“Never say that foul word ever again.”

Logan chuckled before saying, “chocolate.”

“Cool thanks, bye,” Virgil said before hanging up.

“What was that?” Roman asked as he ate one of Owen’s granola bars.

“Virgil asked me chocolate or strawberry.”

“Don’t you mean chocolate or vanilla?” Roman put the empty granola bar wrapper onto the counter instead of the trash.

“Exactly!” Logan threw his arms up in the air with an exasperated sigh.

“So, eighteen, huh?” Roman said instead of wishing him a happy birthday.

“Yeah, it’s so weird to think that today I’m an official adult. I can like do taxes now and legally become addicted to nicotine or die in war.”

“Okay well you started off weak and ended with death, but I mean it is actually cool that we’re both eighteen now,” Roman’s eyes lit up, “hey, now the whole gang’s eighteen! Except for Leo, he’s nineteen.”

“And except Valerie, since she’s still seventeen.”

“Who’s Valerie?” Roman furrowed his brows.

“Oh my goodness gracious we need to go to the library as soon as possible. You can’t go through life and not know the absolute preciousness that is Valerie.”

“You done with your rant?” Logan nodded, “kay, good. First of all, we can’t go to the library on your birthday. Second of all, Patton is absolute preciousness and no one can replace him. Third of all, do you have any more granola bars?”

“Those are Owen’s Roman, you can’t eat those.”

“Look, man, if he didn’t want me to eat them then why did he buy caramel and chocolate ones? He should know they’re my favorite.”

“Yeah well, they’re Owen’s favorite as well.”

“Are you too seriously arguing over granola bars?” Brooklyn asked as she entered the kitchen.

“How dare you, I am very passionate about food,” Roman said as he crossed his arms.

Brooklyn filled a cup of water before chugging it down in seconds, then instantly grabbing her stomach and groaning.

“Pro tip: don’t chug water when you’re incredibly thirsty, you will get a stomach ache,” Brooklyn complained as she put the glass into the sink.

“Yeah, that’s common sense,” Logan sassed.

“Whatever.” Brooklyn rolled his eyes before leaving the room.

Knock knock.

Logan went to the door with Roman following close behind and opened the door to see Virgil holding a cake and a paper bag.

“Happy birthday, my favorite bitch,” Virgil greeted before saying, “and Roman.”

“Thanks.” Logan kissed Virgil on the cheek before moving out of the way so that he can walk in the house.

Virgil went into the dining room and put the cake on the table. It’s a generic chocolate cake that was bought from a grocery store.

“I would have gotten a proper bag for the present, however, that shit costs money so it was either buy a bag and a shit present or buy the present I want to get you. I, obviously, chose the latter.”

Logan grabbed the bag and reached inside of it. The first thing he pulled out a book about astronomy, and on the cover, it read ‘Congrats on being an adult! -Virgil’ and ‘Happy Birthday -Val.’

“Virgil, I love this-”

“Keep opening,” Virgil demanded.

“Okay okay,” Logan said as he reached his hand into the bag. He pulled out a sock monkey made with different patterns and colors.

“I know it’s kind of nerdy but Valerie and I made that for you.”

“Okay, this is in no way nerdy, also this is so cute-”

Virgil cleared his throat. Logan pulled out a picture frame out of the bag. The picture in the frame is a photo of Logan and Virgil hugging. Virgil’s face is hidden by Logan’s arm, and Logan’s face is hidden by Virgil’s head and curly hair.

“Aww-”

“There’s one more thing.”

Logan pulled out a mason jars full of chocolate kisses that says, ‘KISSES FOR WHEN I’M NOT AROUND.’

“Babe,” Logan breathed before giving Virgil a tight hug.

“You two are so cute that I might vom,” Roman said before Logan and Virgil separated.

“Says you. Come one, you and Patton can hardly keep your hands off each other,” Virgil said as he leaned onto the table.

“Yeah yeah. Did you tell Logan the news?” Roman asked.

“I’m pregnant,” Virgil said.

“Virgil.” Roman rolled his eyes.

“I have a job interview Friday,” Virgil revealed.

“That’s exciting,” Logan said as he grabbed a plate and a fork, “now cake.”

Virgil chuckled before he and Roman also went to get plates and forks.

As they sat down and started to eat the cake Roman asked, “so, any updates on the apartment?”

The apartment is based on → this!

(Please don’t send the retailer weird stuff, I only put the link so that people can visualize the apartment. If I find out people are being weird, then I’ll get rid of the link.)

Taglist

@metaphoricalpluto @scorching-scotch @sockopath @confinesofpersonalknowledge @nienna14 @awkward-avocado-of-death @6tick6tock6 @amuthefunperson

Next Chapter (Coming July 4th)