#oh also the weed vote is happening

[when-did-this-become-difficult]

(wearily) the weed hour...

[phas3d]

Roblox W/ Them || Slytherin Boys

type :: fluff

tw/cw :: doxxing, bullying,

contains :: draco, tom, mattheo, theodore, lorenzo

summary :: how they play roblox because no way they don't play 🐍 :: masterlist!

DRACO MALFOY

Grinds the shit out of every game he plays

He cannot enjoy a single game if he doesn't become rank 1 for at least one week

Really likes roleplay fighting games for some reason

Like Bloxy Fruit and stuff

Definitely wastes a ton of money on Robux and stupid stuff

He doesn't care that it's cheating, it lets him become #1 way faster

Doesn't really like tycoons and slow games

If he can't brag, how can he show off?

His character is SOOO try hard omfg

He definitely dresses in all black

1000% HAS RAGED AND BROKE HIS TABLE

Bought a new table after and took a break from Roblox for a week

TOM RIDDLE

Plays old people games like a grandpa

A fucking beast at Bingo

Even though it's completely luck base, he wins 9/10 times

Always has like 6+ bingo cards and can easily keep up with it

Plays tycoons every once in a while

But he likes the ones where you just press a button and it's auto built, doesn't like building stuff on his own

Like, he hates restaurant tycoon and rollercoaster tycoon

Never ever spends his money on Robux, he thinks it’s cheating

His avatar is the default one too with maybe some clothes he unlocked

Bullies the shit out of little kids on roblox for no damn reason

He could have 15 missing assignments and still find time to log on and dox some 12 year old

Whenever someone beats him at Bingo he finds their mom and dad's name and then private chat's them it

Takes everything so deep for no reason

Get this man to try weed or smth man he needs a new hobby

MATTHEO RIDDLE

This man has tried every single genre of games and has beaten almost everything

He's who Draco wants to be

Definitely spent way too much money on Robux for no reason

He has the headless stuff and almost every rare item ever

Has like 20k followers as well for some reason

Grinding never stops so he literally STOLE someone's house elf and makes the elf play Roblox all day

But the elf actually likes it and has fun playing it :) So it's cute

He ends up sharing his account with the elf and they become kinda like besties, but more so Matt sees him as a little brother

1000% like Tom he bullies little kids

He insults people's outfits, rates their little drawings and outfits super low, and straight up annoys them in any form possible

Sometimes he joins tycoons that have swords, doesn't even start his own tycoon, and just uses robux to get a sword and kill people

His daily mission is to annoy as many people as possible

Even worse is that he's not scared of getting hacked or doxxed because Tom made SURE that would never happen

Sometimes Matt even joins Tom's boring games but he leaves mid way cause he starts to fall asleep

Super fun to play with and will carry you 100%

THEODORE NOTT

This man, oh my god this man is so guilty of so much

He's one of those people who pretend to be a different gender online for benefits LOL

But not people he actually is transgender or nonbinary, but because he wants to do girly things without being judged

Always plays fashion games and WINS?!???

Even when the votes are super duper rigged, he always wins in the end

Plays a bunch of family roleplay games too as a mother of like 5 kids

Starts fake drama for fun, like favoriting one kid but ignore the other

OR he plays as a teenage girl and runs away LMAO

But his favorite game is definately Total Drama Island

This man will stay on the game for like 2 hours just to win

Super good at parkour and aim since he also plays shooting games besides Roblox, like Apex and Valorant (ewwww)

When he plays with the guys, they mock him for his girly ass avatar but he doesn't care at all

LORENZO BERKSHIRE

Likes more calm games but is up to anything

Grinds tycoons a lot, like resturant tycoon and rollarcoaster tycoon

Sometimes he plays with Mattheo but they're so different

Matt finishes his level in like 2 mintues and Enzo takes an hour

Sucks at parkour, avoids it like the plague

Super bad aim as well, literally dies first every time

He likes playing with Theo a lot more since they can vibe and play a chill game

He really likes story tell games too which is fun

LOVES the games that aren't super roblox-y which is kinda cheating

Like he used to play the old Roblox Pokemon game daily until it got shut down :(

Plays those family games too like Bloxsburg and stuff

Is actually a good kid

BUT,,, he has his name has "Enzo (17) Cute, Smart, 6 feet tall, athletic, depressed"

thank you for reading ! 🐍 :: masterlist!

[kyluxtrashpit]

Hiya! I hope you're doing well. I made the Hottest Star Wars Man Poll, so when your posts about it were brought to my attention, I felt I should probably reach out.

The polls are just for fun. I make them with no agenda, and I run them with no agenda. I've received messages talking about bots before, but I never wanted to get into the weeds about it.

However, as the discussion about bots is bigger than I realized, I guess now is as good a time as any to speak about it:

My opinion is that the spikes in Hux votes are a mere side-effect of the poll being passed around the internet and bringing in new voters in droves. As your Anon mentioned, @tomatette's edits might's also pulled in waves of people who voted for Hux out of fidelity to her.

I'm fine with the campaigning. As long as the vote is ultimately achieved by a human clicking on the vote themselves, it's alright by me. Hell, I always reblog 'propaganda' I particularly like, and I even requested some Anakin propaganda when he was in his elimination round. It's all fun and games to me.

However.

If anyone is using bots, I'm asking nicely for them to please stop. I'm going to pull the 'I'm not mad, I'm disappointed' card on anyone botting. The polls are all strictly unserious things, so I hope that nobody is taking them too seriously.

Hi there! Sorry the nonsense has reached you, honestly lmao. I just wanted to make a post cause I was upset about the possibility (and, as I've said, I don't have rock solid proof, just suspicions based on observations by myself and others, so like. If people don't agree with me, that's fine, it's all good - I just wanted to speak out in case it was happening like, as a kyluxer, I don't want people to think that if someone is botting, that's something we as a fandom are chill with). I honestly didn't expect it to get quite this much attention either but here we are. I also want to make it clear to both you and my followers that I don't put any blame of anything on you - you're just making fun polls and that's it, you're not responsible for what people do or what drama may arise

I do agree it's possible someone just got a bunch of people to vote within a small window of time, like anything is possible, always is. I just feel like some of the increases I saw, observations from others, and things I've heard are enough to warrant suspicion. If people do or do not agree that there's a reason to think it happened, that's their choice and I'm not going to insist that my word is law and they have to believe me. I don't have receipts, I was just expressing myself and I do appreciate amicable discussion even if my mind has not been changed as of yet

But yeah I agree, propaganda and making funny edits and posts - that's not at all what I was referring to in terms of 'cheating', but somewhere it seems that got mentioned in the discussion? (3 separate people have brought this up to me lmao, like thinking I'm accusing them but I am NOT and no one better be out there accusing them either without actual evidence beyond 'oh you posted about it' cause that's a shitty thing to do) and I also want to make it clear I am not against propaganda fun. That's all just part of it. If people are mad about that, that's their problem and they should use blacklist more liberally. And if people are saying I'm saying that, then those people are either lying or are at 'how dare you say we should piss on the poor' levels of reading comprehension lmao

But yeah, I'll post this publicly, but let me know if you want it taken down and I'll delete it - I appreciate you reaching out and I'm sorry you had to deal with this, that was definitely not my intent when I made the post. I just wanted the botting, if it is indeed happening (and if it's not, all the better, I am just not yet convinced it didn't happen), to stop

And lastly, because of some of the DMs I've received: if you, the person reading this (not you the asker), are sending hate or harassment to people based on my post, FUCKING STOP IT RIGHT THE FUCK NOW, you're no better than the bad actors I was initially referring to

[camelspit]

alvar voters just don't get it. brant is the most pathetic man in keeper, hands down. alvar may have older sibling syndrome, but at least he didn't accidentally blow up any of his three weed smoking girlfriends.

brant has his ability banned. he gets manipulated into joining a rebel orginization by a guy who views him as nothing but a vessel for his own ambitions. he accidentally joined the opposing group to his fiance.

this boy only really had one person in the world. the ruewens loved him only because jolie did. he was only ever hers. she was his only somewhat healthy outlet.

and then he killed her. i don't think it was on purpose, and that makes it even more pathetic I think. the one person, probably the only person, he's ever had a true connection with.

and she betrayed him, in his eyes. so he let his anger out. and he will always regret it.

and at least alvar was able to somewhat carry the guilt of his actions? if he had any? not brant.

brant just. everblaze is so interesting because even when its revealed he's not fully broken, he's still so cracked and messed up. he has nothing to live for but his own desperate attatchment to the neverseen and what fintan offered him when he joined.

he's in too deep. he killed jolie (accidentally) in part because of them. if he hadn't joined them, it probably wouldn't have happened. if he goes back, if he gives up, it will have been for nothing.

so instead he clings on to his last shreds of sanity and does whatever they ask of him.

and he fucking loses it when he sees sophie. the symbol of the orginization that helped destroy him. one of the main roots of his anger. and she looks just like jolie.

he is haunted by a ghost that just fucking appeared in front of him.

and then oh god. grady and his hand. his scars in general. he's covered in burns from what I can only assume is everblaze, which is fascinating. everblaze is insanely hard to summon. so either he felt just that deeply about jolie, or he did it to himself to cover up the murder.

either way, it's pathetic. it's sopping wet. it's cat-like behavior.

and then grady does even more. he takes one of his hands. he almost drives him off a cliff. and this is someone who, at one point, cared at least a bit for him. even if it was only because of jolie, he looked after brant for years.

but you can't even feel bad because he did this to himself. he is a victim in his own story and a villain in everyone elses. except perhaps the one person he destroyed.

in the process of trying to fix his life (joining the neverseen), all he did was destroy it even more. he turned himself into a fragmented version of what he once was.

he is drowning, and he's been doing it for so long that he doesn't even remember how to swim anymore. doesn't even know if he even wants to.

and then he proceeds to have the most forgettable death in keeper, barring brielle.

go vote brant guys 👍 for me. also. brant day is may 1st. don't forget.

[spicysix]

ok, so last week you guys helped me focus on my soulmate!AU fic - and i finished writing it and posted it! if you're interested in X reader fics, you can read it here. following my own rules, i headed to the second most voted, my jargyle summer challenge fic, and i was able to write over 3k words! thank you all so much for that!! (insert *it's not much but it's honest work* meme here lmao)

i was going to do another round this week, but i'll have my two long distance best friends coming over on wednesday, so i'll just enjoy their company for the week they'll be here - i'll still be around shitposting on tumblr, including to post going home updates, but my writing will be a little scarse

also thank you so much to everyone who tagged me in their WIPs posts and games, you can continue to tag me so I can still see your posts and engage with your writings!!

i'll come back in two weeks with another round of this! i really liked doing it. once again, thank you so much for joining and, as a treat, here's a snippet of the jargyle fic under the cut ♡

If someone asked him, Argyle is not sure he’d be able to retell the whole thing.

And, sure, maybe you can blame the weed a little bit. He might have partaken in it a few times here or there during the whole thing. It was right there at the van! How could he say no? Not at any of the big moments, though, of course not. He’s a stoner, not an idiot. He only smoked twice on the road when Jonathan was the one driving, that hotbox he did with Eden, beautiful goth goddess of his dreams, and once to bake the pizza during the whole freezer piggyback thing. When they got to Hawkins, he only collected mushrooms, didn’t do them. He didn’t even have the time.

It wasn’t any substance that made the next few weeks go by hazily.

It was just too much.

Chaos was installed when they arrived in Hawkins. Earthquakes had ripped open wounds into the soil of the small town — living, squeamish, bleeding wounds. Argyle learned later they were portals to the dimension under their own, where all the problems surrounding his friend’s family came from in the first place.

People were missing and hurt, some even died with the way the gates tore through houses and buildings, and the mood around Hawkins as they drove through it was rightfully sour.

Jonathan drove to his girlfriend’s house, some other people already there and it was a beautiful reunion, it really was, but Argyle felt out of place. They parted ways after, and the ones that had been there already headed to the High School to drop some donations — except for Nancy, who went inside the van and into the passenger seat as if she owned it.

It had been Argyle’s.

But it was okay, he stayed in the back with the kiddos.

They went to the hospital, one of them — the one Supergirl had mentally piggybacked on — was hurt and in a coma. Argyle waited in the van as the rest of them went in to see her — he didn’t know her, didn’t want to invade their space. It was okay, he was good at waiting.

After the visit they headed to an old cabin in the woods, abandoned, destroyed, pieces of its ceiling missing. Jonathan said Supergirl used to live there with her dad, the dead cop, and while they all reconnected and cleaned up the place, Argyle found those mushrooms that he didn’t use.

Didn’t even have the time to, because suddenly it was snowing ashes and he found his friends and his friend’s family — including his mom and a tall, skinny, bald guy, where did they come from? — looking over the city from the hill and the open field, and the flowers were dead and there was smoke coming from the place where all the portals met downtown.

Too much happening at the same time, and suddenly Jonathan was grabbing Argyle’s wrist and pulling him back to the van, “let’s go get the others, oh and by the way the tall, skinny, bald guy is the dead cop, oh and by the way my mom went to the Soviet Union to rescue him, oh and by the way the world is ending.”

[notasapleasure]

After finally listening to all this year's ESC entries my takeaways are:

NORWAY FTW

Yes yes, Finland and its bonkers Franken-genre is as good as everyone said

The broken-hearted Danish lad and Cypriot lad should probably just get together (their songs are both fine actually, I just think it's funny they're are so similar in subject matter)

Wow Ireland deserved to be voted out, as did the Netherlands and Azerbaijan. The first two don't surprise me, the latter was an unexpected dip in taste and made me feel like I was in an alternate late '90s/early '00s universe listening to safe daytime radio sk8 rock.

I'm not watching tonight's semi live either and won't be making predictions, but I can see why people are into Austria - who hasn't felt possessed by the spirit of Edgar Allen Poe at one time or another? Semi final 1 weeded the ballads out nicely, here's to Semi final 2 doing the same - Armenia, Estonia, Iceland and Greece would be the first I'd get rid of. Fyrirgefðu!

The big five are surprisingly strong this year! Italy is forgettable but the others could all win happily - even, I can't believe I'm admitting this, the UK entry. Like Denmark/Cyprus though, I think she needs to team up with Poland, who is also loving the 'I just dumped a useless man' life.

I love Germany, I know it's kinda cynical, but they had me at 'blood and glitter / paint and thinner'.

As always, I award mental bonus points for not singing in English if your country doesn't have English as an official language (if it does, and you don't sing in English [bring on the day the UK remembers it includes Wales and Scotland and NI, and Ireland gives it a go as gaeilge] then you get all my votes). I particularly enjoyed: Croatia (mum....bought a tractor?) and Serbia and Albania. Oh, fine, and Slovenia, Czechia, Moldova and Portugal. All strong in my books.

HE AIN'T GJON SWITZERLAND YOU CAN'T MAKE THAT HAPPEN AGAIN esp not en anglais with a song that is the embodiment of your heart full of neutrality

Georgia easily wins the Caucasus this year but I don't think the voting public of post-Soviet countries is gonna give a shit how good her voice is. Expect GD telling us how this is all part of the narrative to discredit the beliefs and will of the Georgian people.

Australia is *so* Australian in such a different way from Technicolour (she was ROBBED last year) but I kinda dig it.

Sweden is disappointing. I know Loreen will belt it out live and it'll come across better but it's still meh in my books. Israel is also dull but will do well as usual.

So I'm gonna watch ALL the semis on Saturday before the final. I'm probably gonna have voting problems again - UK number, Irish phone signal - and I WILL get angry about schlager, and people who think Sweden and Israel are good.

The only valid ballad is Conchita. Gjon wasn't a ballad. Once more I say: NORWAY FTW.

I always tag #esc 2023 and #i need a eurovision tag and if I come up with an actual Eurovision tag I'll let y'all know.

[rvllybllply2014]

God trying to explain politics to a drunk manchild is exhausting. He just doesn’t want to listen. And then gets mad when I pointed out I’m a double minority just like his niece but oh I’m talking shit about a toddler, no I’m not just pointing out abortion rights have been lost to her in the future unless people vote for pro abortion politicians. Like yes manchild politics are opinions but they affect everyday life and idk how to get a dumb ass man who happens to be black to listen. Probably should’ve pointed out that weed being legal or alcohol being legal is part of politics that affects his everyday life. He also got mad when I said that the minority of extremist Christians fucked over everyone with abortion. He think’s everything is scripted. I’m so done trying to raise him.

[chaosvents]

i hate election years living with my parents, man. the world is burning, the arctic is melting, the wealth gap is spreading, wages are stagnant, cost of living is skyrocketing, and rights are being taken away and regulated at the whim of old men with hearts full of hate. meanwhile i have to gently talk my mother through an explanation of why it's bad that donald trump said he'd be a dictator, but only on his first day. she also said if biden loses he will also incite an insurrection? and that idk what makes her think that but she also yelled at me for saying trump is a convicted criminal. "so is joe biden" not... not for attempting a coup in response to losing an election though. but she doesn't see the difference. granted my mom kind of revels in her stupidity, i don't really understand her. she's proud of not knowing things, but i'm very much the type of person who is trying to learn every minute of every day, i jokingly call it 'need to know everything disease' and it is a blessing and a curse. the curse is Knowing How Bad It Really Is, obviously. but the blessing is knowing wtf is going on with the world. but she's proud of not knowing anything i'm ever talking about. she's been married to my dad for almost 30 years and she jokes nonstop about how her eyes glaze over when he talks about his work (that he's been doing for 40 years). like... that's not the flex you think it is?

anyway. all rants end up with my mother because she's the root of most of my trauma. my point here is that i was telling her i was anxious about the election and she decided to spend a couple hours arguing. and her point just drives me nuts. basically, she's not voting out of protest ("i'll vote when i see a good option, im 55 and i never have"). no amount of gentle slow explaining can convince her why that's not the protest she thinks it is. her secondary point is that all politicians are vicious criminals who hate you. which, like, yeah, but she uses it as an excuse to play dumb. she's proud of not knowing literally anything at all about politics because the depth and breadth of her knowledge is "politics is boring and politicians are bad". like please. please. the anti-intellectualism is killing me. why do you hate learning.

and that's another thing she does that makes me insane! she's one of those "i make fun of you because i love you" people and bringing it up will just get you a fuckton more teasing. i've spent a decade begging her not to constantly make fun of and bully me because it makes me feel like im in school again. but every time i bring it up she asks "if i didnt tease you how would you know i love you?" as if i wouldn't feel so much more loved if she listened to me. anyway one of the things she teases me about is that i like to learn. i will bring up something cool i learned and she immediately bursts into laughter. i've asked her questions afterwards and she always answers like "i don't know, i wasn't really listening". i'll tell a story and she'll respond with something completely random in a way that shows she wasn't listening even a little bit. that happens especially when im excited and telling good news and she responds with "oh, it'll be okay, hopefully tomorrow is better". like???? okay not only were you not listening, you also see my excitement and joy and assume you need to comfort me? what the fuck is wrong with her.

my sister is a nurse and her and i talk about this all the time. my mom acts stoned constantly. she takes 30-60 seconds to respond to any question and her response is "...what?" at least 1/3 of the time. the rest of the time it's a toss-up whether her response will be a random sentence she pulled out of her ass, or something that has anything to do with the topic being discussed. she doesn't do drugs either! no weed, no pills, not even alcohol. i swear to god she's proud of being stupid and slow. like she's doing it on purpose. she never used to be like this. it makes me want to slap her. wake the fuck up! react to something! join a conversation! learn something about your kid or husband! fuck!

[beelzerog]

RANT - The Leopard-Eating-Face Party

So I'm listening to the news and commentary as I'm working this morning and it always amazes me the hubris of the MAGA crowd, but I guess that's been their problem in the first place.

Like Trumpy says "I'll be a dictator for just the first day", and they cheer. Now on one hand, I see their point. A dictator can get things done. A benevolent dictator is usually the most efficient form of government. The problem being that you're not always guaranteed a benevolent dictator and if you do get one, there's no guarantee that the next one will be the same. History kinda shows that almost never happens. A benevolent dictator is rare and a benevolent successor is even rarer.

So it's obvious, the MAGA crowd wants things done and if Trumpy's a dictator, those things will get done (though history hasn't exactly been in his side for promises kept). Of course, he'll say "Oh, everything isn't finished, I need one more day". And one more day. And one more day. Until it's four years later and he'll say "Well, we have more to do, so I need another term." And I'm sure, if the country isn't a smoking wreck already, they'll give it to him... or by then, he'll just take it.

But the hubris is the idea that a Trumpy dictator won't affect them... or at least affect them negatively. You think some of them would have learned from before. Queue the video clip of the midwestern elderly woman complaining that Trumpy is "hurting the wrong people". They don't care that people are being hurt, they just want 'the right people' to be hurt. They don't realize they will be the first affected when the jobs go away, when the economy tanks, when the weeding out of who isn't sufficiently loyal to the Trumpy regime starts to look at their own ranks, when the world turns their backs on us and Trumpy will be forced to threaten the world with nukes in order to get them to pay attention to him, like the stubby little dictators he looks up to.

The MAGA crowd also likes the idea of Christian Nationalism. "One Nation, Under God" and all that. First of all, they never specify which version of Christianity they mean. To them, Christian is Christian, it doesn't matter who. The only thing you have to worry about is the 'fake Christians'. But who's the fake Christian? I mean, maybe all of these denominations should get together and agree on what Jesus said and what he meant when he said it, then come back to the rest of us and proselytize. Get your story straight first (not that Christianity is the only religion that has this problem. But I'm not worried about a Buddhist Nation or even the scare-tactic Muslim Nation in the US). Because I see a whole mess of problems if the Christian Nation ever gets brought into being. A lot of the people who cheered for it and prayed for it and voted for it are going to suddenly find out that they are not sufficiently Christian in the eyes of the new regime. That the Jesus that supposedly rules the nation is not the Jesus they know. And suddenly they are in the camps with the rest of us heathens, wondering what went wrong.

A lot of MAGA hubris comes from the same place; they believe they are the norm, they believe that what they believe is simply logical & common sense, and they believe they are the majority. A friend of ours frequently tells my wife to not use herself as the baseline when thinking about things and this is the same flaw in the MAGA thinking.

First of all, they are not the majority. Trumpy lost the popular vote, the vote of the actual individuals, by almost 3 million votes the first time and over 7 million the second time. The only Republican that has won a majority of popular votes recently was the re-election of George W Bush. And the only one previous to that was the election of his father, George H.W. Bush, 16 years before. They are not the majority. And when you stack them against those who vote Democratic and those who just don't vote and the number shrinks. The US barely gets over 50% of eligible voters to vote. The 2020 election got the highest percentage of Voting Eligible Population ever, with 66.9%, meaning out of the 239,247,182 eligible voters, only 159,690,457 showed up. And where do you think those non-voters fall? I'm guessing they are not MAGA supporters. I mean, maybe some. There's a certain number of the population who show up for rallies and protests, but don't actually vote. But I'm betting you that the vast majority are not MAGA. And even if you only went with the voters who voted, they are outnumbered by at least 7 million currently.

But if they are the majority (and this is an old trope. Nixon spoke of the Silent Majority, those who just work day-to-day and don't get involved in politics, who would rise up to support him) then why do they whine about persecution? Well, that's a good question. This is part of the reason that they easily believe in stolen elections. "If the country is as logical and common sense as me, why don't our people win? Must be a conspiracy! Must be illegal votes and giving illegal immigrants the ability to vote so that they steal the election. Yeah, that's it!" You also notice that the people that they blame are usually considered a numerical minority. A small group of Hollywood elites, the Deep State (non-elected government employees secretly making policy), the Jews, etc. They can't be the minority themselves. They just can't! Because that would make them wrong. And they can't comprehend that they might be wrong.

I'm not sure what else to put here. I think one of the reasons why the country seems to divided is that we've all been outed. You & your neighbor or your co-worker may have not talked politics personally, but we now see each other's FB posts and re-Tweets and suddenly we know who is the "flaming liberal" and who is the "fascist conservative" and it's now set everything on edge. We thought everyone around us was like us and now that's been blown up. I think the MAGAs, deep down, realize they are the minority and that's why they are so loud and violent. They claim to be fighting to preserve their way of life from 'immigrant hordes' and 'woke minorities', but somewhere in the back of their lizard brains, they know they have already lost and it's driving them mad.

[hellfirecvnt]

Love your writing and was wondering if you could write a eddiexreader smut😅. They’re (the older teens nancy robin steve jonathan argyle and eddie) hanging out at Steves place during the day in the pool (skimpy Bikini?) and later that evening they’re playing two truths and a lie while under the influence of weed and tequila shots. Its y/ns turn and since she is a lil pervert and loves to mess with eddie bc thats just the way you banter, she decides to mess with him by stating: „okay my turn! One: i am deadly afraid of butterflies. Two: i lost my virginity after watching the shining. And three: (y/n looks to eddie) im a squirter“ they all discuss but she was only focused on munsons reaction. They all voted for the butterfly thing because it seems the most obvious. „Nope scary fucking things, i have never squirted… yet“ later eddie offered to walk her home bc its on his way and his pervy side comes out.

Would love it if it ended with her squirting all over him and him being very proud xD

Long ask but your words sound better than the way i would write it 😅

X J🖤

What's truly wild to me is I have two requests rn and both involve a skimpy bikini water situation and god damn it, I love it here. Thank you for this prompt, I'm already in love AAAA!! (Also idk how to do two truths and a lie as a drinking game. Like idk when they have to take a shot so I'm gonna say when they get it wrong they take a shot lmao.)

...Yet

Eddie Munson x fem!reader

Warnings: Smut (+18, minors DNI), perv!Eddie, perv!reader, drinking, drugs, unprotected sex, more?

A/N: no one is dead. Idk, everything still happened 1-4 but just no death.

You've lived in Hawkins for about a year now. Same as your friend Argyle. He says he moved here after a crazy earthquake, but you moved here to get away from the city or something cool and mysterious like that.

In the time you've lived here, you made friends with a really fun group of people. Nancy, who you met through journalism at school. Steve and Robin, who you met at Family Video. They took to you like a sibling the moment they found out you knew Nancy. Jonathan and Argyle moved here with the rest of the Byers. Same story about a weird earthquake. You don't ask too much about it.

But then there was Eddie. You meet him for the first time today. You've noticed him plenty of times but didn't get the chance to meet him until Steve and Robin dragged him to Steve's place for a small get-together. You're the first to arrive, a common trait for you.

"Y/N! You came!" Robin beams as she answers the door.

"Of course! I never turn down drinking by a pool," you lift the handle of tequila above your head and give it a "look at this" shake.

"Tequila? Do you want me to die?" Steve appears behind you, hands full of snacks for the shindig.

"Where's everybody at?" You yell into the empty home.

"They're on the way, you're like 30 minutes early. Again." Robin jokes as she passes you a knife to help her chop up fruit for the drinks. The rest of the crew arrives, and finally, in walks a tall, frizzy-haired man in a jean vest. He had several different patches, each one of your favorite bands.

"Munson, you made it!" Steve calls across the kitchen.

"Yeah, I thought you said this wasn't a party, Hair." He smirks, taking the beer Steve has extended out to him. The group migrates outside and you and Robin follow with trays of snacks.

"Oh, by the way, Y/N. This is Eddie," Steve places a friendly hand on Eddie's shoulder and lightly shakes him. He's an overtly friendly guy when he's drunk.

"Nice to meet you!" You smile at him, extending a hand to shake his. He stares at you silently for just a moment. Inside his head, he's fighting everything inside him to keep his eyes on your face. He fights to not let them travel down your body to your barely-there, black bikini. A silver chain dangles around your neck, slotting between your breasts and he's about to explode.

"Oh, uh, I'm Eddie," he answers a question no one asked.

"Yeah. I'm Y/N," you giggle, his face becomes ever so slightly rosy.

"Dude, who brought the tequila?" Argyle's face lights up as he cracks open the lid and pours everyone a shot. You slice a lime and pass the salt shaker around.

"What's the salt for?" Nancy, innocent Nancy.

"Why do you know how to shoot a gun, but you don't know how to shoot tequila?" You quip, earning a laugh from the group.

"It's much easier to pull a trigger than it is to drink something that smells like this." She lifts the shot glass to her nose before quickly yanking it away.

"Well, don't sniff it. That'll really make it hard," Jonathan rubs her back lovingly as she fights the smell out of her nose.

"Oh yeah? Nancy making it hard over there, Jonathan?" You tease, making them both blush. Everyone clinks their tiny glasses together in cheers. Eddie can't keep his eyes off of you. You're funny and sexy and, wow, a little pervy? He downed his shot without the lime or salt, staring at you the whole time.

You don't notice his eyes fucking you from every angle, you just keep laughing with Robin and Nancy.

"Hey, psst, Y/N!" Argyle whispers loudly, no one caring what he's saying. "You wanna come smoke this?" He holds up a skillfully rolled joint in his fingers. Jonathan stands behind him giving two thumbs up in encouragement.

"Hell yeah," you tell the girls to give you a minute and you start off toward the guys.

"Hey, I got one too," Eddie captures you and the boys' attention.

"Then come on, man. Let's go!" Argyle invites him enthusiastically.

"Freaks," Steve jokes with Nancy and Robin as they remain by the pool. The group comes back after a while. Everyone's eyes are bright red. Smiles spread ear to ear on each of your faces.

"I have the best idea," you narrow your eyes toward the entire group. They all look at you expectantly. "Two truths and a lie. I used to play it all the time back home."

"Oh my God, we played that game in Mr. Clark's class in like 7th grade because that kid got violently angry with a custodian and everyone felt like maybe the kids needed a chill day and-" Robin rambles even more when she's buzzed. She notices everyone staring silently and stops. "My bad, let's play."

Nancy goes first. Hers is quite difficult because they're all boring. Jonathan is the only one to guess her lie. Robin goes, then Steve, you easily guess their lies, they have no poker face.

"My turn! One," you hold up a finger, theatrically. "I'm deathly afraid of butterflies. Two," another finger. "I lost my virginity right after watching The Shining for the first time. And three," you raise a third finger and glance over at Eddie. Your sudden eye contact catches him off guard. "I'm a squirter." His cheeks instantly burn with rising blood. You focus on his reaction above everyone else.

"Jesus, Y/N!" Nancy playfully shoves your shoulder, laughing.

"Well like... I don't know your life, but I feel like it's gotta be the bug thing, right?" Argyle consults the group.

"Yeah, I've never seen you around a butterfly, but I don't think you'd be too scared. I saw what you did to Billy when you heard how he talked to Max." Steve chuckles.

"What'd she do to Hargrove?" Eddie furrows his brow. It's the only time his focus has shifted to anywhere but you since he got here.

"I broke a bottle on his head, big deal. Don't talk to little kids like that," you cross your arms, unintentionally pushing your breasts together, they're oily from tanning products/sun screen. Eddie's eyes nearly bulge out of his skull, he almost has to fight back a groan.

"Okay! Butterflies, final answer!" Robin returns everyone to the point.

"Pour up, fellas. I fucking hate butterflies," you spout proudly.

"So wait, what's the lie?" Jonathan asks.

"I'm not a squirter. I've never had that happen... Yet." You glance at Eddie once again, running your tongue across the bottoms of your teeth. You watch as Eddie's breath gets faster and faster. Something about flustering him is doing more for you than any other man, woman, or person has.

After you're all good and buzzed, you file into the pool. Argyle instantly cannonballs into the deep end, Steve follows suit. You and the rest of the girls linger in the mid-depth water. You lounge against the pool wall, water barely up to your tits. The pool is large, but not gigantic. So Eddie takes his chance to swim back and forth underwater so he can peek at your ass as your tiny bikini rides up your cheeks.

You notice his glances and nonchalantly toss his a pair of goggles. No one notices as you slide your index fingers up the seams of your bottoms, exposing even more flesh for him. He watches you do it, but somehow cannot let himself believe that just happened. He ends up having to "wait" in the pool a little longer than everyone else.

It's one of the best nights of your life. Just your friends and booze and weed. What else is there? Oh yeah, sex. You've been teasing Eddie all night, doing everything in your power to watch him shift and switch around in his seat as he tries to hide what you're doing to him.

Argyle, Nancy, and Jonathan all leave together. Argyle is more of a smoker than a drinker, so he was okay to drive by the end of the night having only taken 3 shots in total, the entire day. You live within walking distance from Steve, luckily. And so does Eddie.

"Bye, you guys!" You slur, hugging Robin tightly, causing her cheeks to blush slightly. You hug Steve too and wave goodbye to Eddie.

"Hey, wait. Let me walk you home. It's a weird town and you're wearing nothing but a bathing suit," Eddie offers, working his hardest to appear some sort of sober. He changed back into his normal clothes before anybody. Most likely to make it easier to hide his erection.

"I don't want you walking alone either, though," you argue, concerned and drunk.

"It's on the way, it's fine," He wraps an arm around your shoulder and leads you out the door, turning back to wink at Steve.

"Called it," Steve and Robin speak at the same time after you and Eddie close the door behind you.

"So, butterflies, huh?" Eddie brings that back up.

"Yeah, dude. Have you ever seen their fucking faces?" You're shocked you even have to explain this.

"Nah, I don't think about butterflies when I think about 'fucking faces.'" Eddie becomes a little more comfortable when he's alone with you. You side-eye him with a smirk as you both walk.

"How often do you think about fucking faces, Eddie?" Your voice lowers, a special subtle emphasis on his name. His legs nearly fail him right then and there.

"I don't know. Seemed to be one of the only things I could think about all night tonight," he slides his hands into his pockets.

"What were the other things?" You tug on your bottom lip with your teeth.

"The way that bikini leaves very little to the imagination." He gently, but quickly takes the string tying your bottoms together and pulls it. You catch the front, but the entire back falls down. He stops in his tracks and takes a few steps back, watching you as you dropped your bag to try and fix your falling suit.

"You son of a bitch, what was that for?" You tie the knot back securely.

"Just making sure my imagination was right," he runs his tongue over his top lip, looking down at you.

"That's not fair, I can't untie anything off you." You cross your arms playfully.

"You can take anything you want off of me, sweetheart. It's only fair." He grins, looking down at your blushing face.

"My house is right here." You point to a shrub blocking a house just on the other side. Eddie glances at it and then goes back to you. His grin has turned a lot more devious. You lead him inside, your parents are out of town for the next two weeks, so you don't worry about getting caught.

You lead him to your room and the second your door closes, you're all over each other. Hands roaming each other's bodies where your eyes had spent all night exploring. He kisses you hungrily, taking your bottom lip in his teeth and gently pulling. You moan into his kiss as his hands brush over your crotch through your bathing suit.

"Fuck, what are you waiting for?" You moan as he rubs sweet circles on your pussy before undoing the string on both sides of your bottoms and tossing them aside. After shoving you on the bed, he plunges his long, ringed middle finger into your drenched pussy, pumping in and out of you lightly. Whining moans fall from your mouth as he curls his finger inside you.

"God damn, you're so wet. You have fun teasing me all night?" Eddie raises an eyebrow. "Almost made me fuck you in front of all your friends."

"Had to get you here somehow," you moan, placing your hand on his as it moves.

"Yeah, and now I'm here. And I'm gonna make you regret inviting me inside." He withdraws his hand from between your thighs, leaving your back arching for contact.

"Eddieee," you whine, bucking your hips against nothing.

"Shhh, I'm gonna make you feel so good, you won't even notice I stole your panties when you changed into your bathing suit at Harrington's."

"You what?" He holds up your purple lace thong, bringing it to his face and inhaling your scent. You're overcome with butterflies as you watch his pants tighten as his fingers wrap around the small bit of cloth.

"I'll just hold on to these a little longer." He winks before shoving them into his back pocket. He positions himself with his head between your thighs. You can feel his hot breath on your throbbing clit. He plants soft kisses on your inner thighs before finally plunging his tongue between your folds.

You reach down and wrap your hands in his frizzy curls, holding his head firmly against you. He chuckles against the sensitive skin as he feels your fingers weave through his hair. He flicks his tongue over your clit quickly, snaking a hand up to finger you while he licks. He adds a second finger, and you throw your head back as the tension builds in your stomach.

"Oh my God, don't stop!" You moan loudly as you reach your climax. Your back arches and your legs shake involuntarily. You're twitching and grasping as he rises and looms over you.

"Don't worry, you're not done." He stares into your eyes as he sucks his fingers clean. He quickly unfastens his belt, lowering his jeans and boxers to the bend of his knee. His throbbing erection springs toward you, desperate to stretch you out. He strokes himself a few times before positioning his head at your entrance.

"Please, please Eddie," you beg, bending any way you can to try to feel his cock inside you.

"No, I love the way you sound when you beg." He lowers his face to your ear, hovering over you on all fours. "Begging to get fucked by a guy you met today."

"Yeah, look how easy you are," you taunt. He chuckles, sliding his dick up and down your slit, gathering your arousal around the head.

"So fucking hot," his voice is no more than a growling whisper. He stays put, teasing your hole for a few moments more. You writhe and twitch beneath him, but he doesn't relent. He drinks in the image of your distress as you plead for him to enter you.

"Eddie, for the love of-" he cuts you off by slamming into you at full capacity. You let out a loud, sensual moan. There's a slight dull pain due to Eddie's size, but it quickly turns to overwhelming pleasure as he fucks into you.

You sink your nails into his shoulders, pulling him impossibly close to you as if being inside you wasn't close enough. His large, strong hands grip your thighs roughly, ensuring you take his full length with every thrust.

"Fuck, how are you so fucking tight?" Eddie moans as he tosses his head back, rutting into you like a sex toy. He fucks you hard like he has no regard for your feelings, but you know he does by the way he rubs sweet circles on your clit while he thrusts. You've never felt this kind of build-up in your abdomen. Even just with his tongue moments ago, that might've been the hardest you've ever came.

You're about to finish again when he quickly pulls out.

"Eddie, no!" You whine, immediately reaching your hand down to finish yourself. He catches your wrists, pinning them above your head as you buck and squirm, your orgasm slowly fleeting.

"Regret it, yet?" He smirks, waiting for your thrashing to end. The moment your legs relax, he plunges directly back into you. Fucking you wildly as if he never stopped. The build-up is somehow more intense this time. Your back arches so far you think it's gonna snap.

"Eddie! I cant- I can't take anymore," you start to shove at him with weak arms, but you keep letting him continue because it feels too good.

"You're gonna take it, sweetheart," he whispers into your ear before slowing down to a near stop. He pumps into you at a snail's pace, watching your eyes roll back as you feel every inch inside you. He gradually regains his speed until he's fucking you at the perfect rate.

Your heart rate quickens by the second, the pit in your stomach and the throbbing in your clit makes you almost delirious. A few more moaning gasps and you scream.

"Eddie, wait-" but it's too late. You squirt against him, flooding his lower half in your ecstasy. Whimpers fall from your lips as he continues to fuck you through your high. The sight of your flood and the knowledge that he just made you experience that for the first time are enough to have his orgasm not far behind.

"Fuck," he growls as he grinds into you, filling you with warmth. His cock twitches inside you, and your overly sensitive cunt feels every tiny movement as he pulls out. He collapses next to you, you're both worn out and breathless, covered in each other's sweat.

"That was amazing..." You're in awe of what your body just did.

"First time's the fucking charm," Eddie brags through heavy breaths.

"I don't think that's the saying." You chuckle.

"Doesn't matter, I just made you squirt all over my cock," he grins ear to ear. "For the first time in your life."

"I dunno, I think you need to do it again so we can be sure." You bite your lip, scanning Eddie's sweaty face.

"Give me 20 minutes, and I'll make you cum until I fucking drown." He jokes, his voice a low rolling tone. Blush forces itself to your cheeks, and he kept his promise. 20 minutes later your legs were over his shoulders and your bed is getting so wet, you know you're going to have to change the entire bed set, but you don't care.

Every time he makes you squirt, Eddie's ego gets a little bigger, causing him to fuck you harder and longer than the session before. You fuck all day and well into the night before the two of you finally crash, covered in sweat and cum, entangled in each other.

[angelguk]

what happens in this section is entirely a result of what guys voted please do not! come for my head in my inbox im begging. very sad in general like Angst with a capital A with a sprinkle of despair and pain. listen to mess it up by gracie abrams. roughly 2k.

(titled — out of line)

You thought Lucas would help, the warmth of his body a distraction from your aching heart, but he didn’t. Not the way you needed him to. He was sweet enough, made you giggle endlessly before finding his place between your thighs. But even with his tongue on your clit, your (now usually sober) mind still lingered on Jeongguk, his memory a stain on your soul. It didn’t help when you spotted him with a girl hanging off his arm, her bright eyes stuck on his face, soaking him in like the earth does the sun. You didn’t know her name – Chayoung took the liberty of whispering it to you after your biology lab. She was Hyeri, a sophomore with a delicate laugh and graceful disposition. That vile vindictive black thing that now inhabited your chest swelled, brain already comparing the differences between you and her. Your clumsiness suddenly felt like a curse, even though Jeongguk had countlessly said he loved you for it (or did he say that just to ease your worries?). Insecurities spring forth like weeds and you don’t have the capacity to keep the careful garden of your heart tended. 

They take over slowly, your eyes stinging whenever you see them huddled together in the quad. Bitter tears blinked back, your blinkered senses overlooking how Jeongguk’s quiet gaze followed your figure whenever you turned your back to him, even with Yoona yapping at his ears. 

Perhaps the despondency that clung to your bones is what led you here, face planted in the musky scent of Namjoon’s sheets, your heart throbbing funny. 

“Can you even breathe?” He questions. The timbre of his voice washes over you, familiar and somewhat reassuring. You twist upright to face him, eyes squeezing tight when the bright fluorescent lights in his room assaults your vision. 

“I was hoping my heart would give up if I held it in long enough.”

Namjoon stills, brown eyes flitting over you. He coughs like he’s working through various sets of words before he decides what’s most suitable. “And then what? I get framed for murder when they find your body here?”

You laugh, and it hurts. “Maybe. My body is very portable though, did you consider first burying me in the backyard?”

“Rookie mistake,” Namjoon returns. He rises to fetch the mugs of tea sitting idle on a stool he’d dragged from the corner of his room. “The sniffer dogs would fly straight to that location. Also, I’d have to dig a hole big enough to fit your head in.”

“And why would the dogs find me immediately?” You say, shuffling upright, palms ready to receive the tepid heat that will seep through the ceramic the moment the cup settles in your hand.

“Your perfume,” Namjoon says. He hands you the mug, heat fulfilling its chosen purpose, the scent of gentle jasmine wafting to your nose.

You pout then, glancing at him. “My perfume?”

“It’s distinct. Violet, right? Maybe vanilla too?” Namjoon says it easily, sinking beside you, utterly unaware of the ticking in your brain. Your gaze falters then, shifting to his broad shoulder and thick biceps. The ivy shirt he’s got on barely contains all that muscle in, fabric stretched thin. 

You take a sip of your tea, and despite the period Namjoon gave it to cool it still scalds your tongue. 

“Why do you know what fragrance I wear?” It comes out accusatory, but Namjoon handles it well, laughing low.

“You’ve had the same one since high-school, I think. And I remember you telling me.”

The fingers around your cup squeeze tight, your brain unlocking a moment you’d forgotten in the wake of brighter ones. A quiet afternoon at the back of your high-school, Namjoon towering over you, his nose trailing the hollow of your neck, a stray comment about how you smelled good washing over you. It was followed by a flustered younger version of you deflecting, heart pounding wild when Namjoon drew back to look at you as you rattled off the different sillages that made up your favourite perfume. He’d laughed, low like did just now, before calling you cute and pulling you in for a kiss. 

“Oh,” you finally murmur. “I remember now.”

You were actually going to change it after your break-up with him, but then Jeongguk had mentioned how much he’d liked it and the bottle had stayed.

Namjoon hums, his gaze slow as it shifts around the room. It’s a space that screams of him, light wood tones and plants breaking from the pristine white walls. Space carved for nature, a grounding sensation living within these four walls – something that seems to live inside of Namjoon too.

“How are you?” He suddenly asks, turning slowly to measure your features. 

You blink hard, only realising then that you’d been staring at his face for a second too long. “F-fine. I’m okay. Just busy, y’know. Finals coming up, planning events; the usual.”

“I know,” Namjoon says with a ginger smile. “But that’s not what I’m asking. How are you? With Jeongguk and everything.”

“Oh.” You can’t answer that, his unexpected brazenness shocking your system. The smile on his lips fades, a solemnness in the brown of his eyes. His next words are earnest, and they settle in the pit of your stomach.

“Y/N, I know you didn’t just come here to chat for no reason. We can talk about Jeongguk, that’s okay.”

“N-no, we don’t need it. We’re over. It’s been two months already. We’re seeing other people and I don’t really want to discuss one of my exes with another one. And maybe I did just come to see you,” you tack on an empty laugh at the end, hoping Namjoon doesn’t read right through you.

But he does. Like a part of you hoped he would.

“I’m your friend, you know. We had something but nothing like what you and Jeongguk have. Two months isn’t going to make a lifetime disappear. It’s okay if you still feel bad.”

That’s what cracks you, a well-aimed hammer knocking your walls right down. You bite your lip hard, fingertips pinching the ceramic in your grasp, and swallow the tears looming in your throat with a choked laugh. 

“I’m fine, Namjoon. I feel a little like shit but I’m working on it. And Lucas is a great guy–”

“But he’s not Jeongguk.” The sentence feels heavy as if it carries the weight of many hearts on it. But it’s also a line you were thinking about earlier, even with Lucas pressed against you.

“That’s not what I would say–”

“But it’s what you were thinking,” Namjoon cuts. Maybe there’s a peephole in your head that only Namjoon has access to. “And that’s fine. It sucks for Lucas, though. But you shouldn’t feel bad for thinking that way. Especially when you know how special Jeongguk is to you.”

Special. The word is bright, glimmering like Jeongguk’s eyes do. 

“I-I just–it just–I don’t know.” The tears you’d attempted to seal inside burst, slipping down your cheeks quiet. Namjoon pry's the mug from your hand, replaces its warmth with his own, and for a split second things feel bearable. 

“Hey, hey,” he murmurs, a calloused palm on your damp cheek, his steadiness clearing away the gloomy skies in your head. But he doesn’t tell you to stop crying, doesn’t whisper that it’ll be okay. He just tugs you closer, rests your splinting head on his wide chest, and soaks up the tears on your face with his shirt. Like the earth does for the pouring heavens. 

You eventually hiccup the despair down, finding the words to explain to Namjoon what you were feeling in between the moments where breathing didn’t feel like a race. He takes the news of Jeongguk kissing somebody days after your break-up with wide eyes, his eyebrows drawing together. And then comes the second girl, you don’t even know her name but it still cleaves something out of you. And finally, Hyeri. Her name is a lament.

“And it sucks because he looks happy with her and I still want him to be happy because I still love him. I love him so much it hurts.”

Namjoon cocks his head then, his wide palm sliding down your back. “You think Jeongguk looks happy?”

“Yes?” But it’s a question, your upward gaze on his face imploring.

Namjoon shakes his head instead. You don’t hear it, the following words a deep muffled murmur, “Both of you are idiots.” But you see the twinkle in his eyes and it makes your back straighten.  

You want to pester but Namjoon pulls you closer, and you lose yourself in the feeling of him, before a question can register on your tongue. His arms are huge, like sturdy branches defying the blistering gales of your heart. He lets you cry for a little longer, listening intently to the continuing spew of words from your lips, until the storm quiets into a breeze. 

“Okay?” Namjoon asks.

You stick your head further into his chest, breathe him in deep. “Okay.”

When he shifts away your skin freezes, but then you realise he’s reaching for a blanket. He swathes it around you fondly, pulling you in for a swift hug before falling out of your reach once more. 

“Now, I think we both need a moment to process that.” He’s talking about but you’re not listening, your eyes on his face, gaze gently trailing the curve of his lips. “I also think we need food before we start unpacking the mess you’re in–”

You swallow the sentence with your lips, salt singeing the corners of your mouth. But your movements are not reciprocated, Namjoon’s mouth is still under yours. The soft hand on your neck guiding you away is what pulls you back, right out of that strange dark desperate ocean that held you. 

“Y/N–”

“Sorry, shit–shit, I shouldn’t have done that.” But there’s no use now, you can’t take it back. Namjoon is looking at you with those eyes, the ones that feel like pity. His sympathy suddenly makes you feel sick, and you wish the ceiling would give away and shatter your head. “I should go.” 

He tries to stop you, firm but gentle with his words and hands. But you’re a wild storm again and nothing can stop you from snatching your butterfly tote bag from the floor of his room and fleeing. The black thing that had been subdued for a moment reemergence with vengeance the second you hit the sidewalks, vision reeling. How could you do that? To Namjoon? To the stable friendship you'd created? But he felt too warm, too caring, too much of everything that you longing for and that Lucas could never give you.

Just a reminder of the swimmer's name as you skidding to a halt, the thump in your chest vicious. Maybe Jeongguk was right. Constantly painting yourself the victim while actively hurting the ones around you. Maybe you should have never let him kiss you again on that rooftop. Maybe you should have never tried to love him.

—

It’s silent in your head when you get back to your apartment. Sieun is home, finally back from her trip to her boyfriend’s parents place, so you’re not surprised to hear the soft hum of laughter filtering through the house. You don’t expect to find Chayoung there though. 

They’re huddling in the kitchen, drifting out cheery greetings when you trudge it, only to fall silent when you mumble back a hollow response. A gentle song floating from the radio fills the empty space, three bodies navigating something tense.  

“Were you with Lucas?” Sieun eventually pokes. She’s not a big fan of him. She’s not a big fan of the current break-up between you and Jeongguk either. She’s going to hate you for what you’re about to tell her.

“No,” you mumble. There are twenty notifications flashing across your phone screen, all from Namjoon. You feel sick, and you might cry again.

“Well? What’s with the long face?” Chayoung adds. 

You take a deep breath, gripping the marble counter tight before twisting around. Better to rip it off all at once right? And there’s no way you could hold this inside of you, not when there is barely any room for your broken heart.

“I kissed Namjoon.”

“WHAT?” Sieun’s jaw slams into the ground and Chayoung freezes beside her, like her joints have suddenly been welded together. They stare at you for long you might have grown a second head during it. And then the questions come, a torrent erupting. You blank for a second, and then the guilt crawls up your spine. It may only be thirteen past five in the afternoon but you definitely need a drink.

[inkandpen22]

The Princess and The Pogue (Pt. 9)

Pairing: JJ x Reader / Topper x Reader

Word Count: 3.0k

Warnings: swearing, mild smut, angst, fluff

Part Summary: Y/N goes to see JJ after the party and she begins to think everything will work out

Masterlist

The Pogues are gathered around the bonfire, chatting over a couple of beers and joints. JJ keeps checking his phone every few minutes, wondering why you haven't texted him yet. You agreed for him to pick you up at your house at eleven, but he wants to wait for your text saying you're home. He's considered just going over anyway, assuming you're already there since dinner would've ended at least two hours ago. Before he has the chance to even rise to his feet to go, you and Topper roll up the driveway. None of the Pogues recognize the gray BMW, except Sarah. 

“Is that Topper dropping off Y/N?” She frowns in confusion as the car comes to a steady halt at the end of the gravel drive. 

Pope presses his fingers to his temples, wide-eyed. “Am I hallucinating?” 

“Okay, enough weed for me," Kiara declares, passing the joint to John B. 

Topper stops the car and turns to you. “You’ll be okay?” 

“Yeah, I’ll be fine,” you nod, collecting your bag between your legs. 

“Call or text if you need me,” he instructs, still somewhat reluctant to drop you off. 

“Will do,” you offer him a reassuring smile. 

“Okay, I’ll see you tomorrow," he complies, leaning over the divider and planting a quick peck to your cheek. “Love you.” 

“Love you too,” you return, granting him a kiss on the cheek as well. You climb out of Topper's car, walking toward the fire pit where JJ and everyone watch you utterly dumbfounded. “Hi guys,” you greet, slinging your bag over your shoulder. 

“Topper knows his way around The Cut?” John B pokes fun. 

“Did he drop you off to scope out the place?” Kiara grumbles. 

“He didn’t want me driving," you explain as you take a seat next to a silent JJ. "We went to Kelce’s for a little after dinner and I’ve been drinking." 

“What a gentleman,” Sarah mumbles sarcastically. 

“Hi Baby,” JJ greets you with a soft smile, wrapping his arm around your waist. 

“Hi,” you grin, leaning in and planting a kiss to his lips to which he reciprocates. 

“I could’ve picked you up,” he whispers against your lips. 

“I know," you state, parting from him for a second. "I just didn’t want to make you do the drive." 

“I’m surprised Topper let you out of the car,” Sarah snickers. 

“We came to an understanding,” you describe vaguely. 

“Oh yeah?" Kiara raises a brow. "What’s that?” 

“We’re just friends,” you reply confidently. 

“I don’t just kiss my friends goodbye...” John B mumbles under his breath. 

“We’re just friends," you reiterate, starring the boy down warningly. 

“You bet you are,” JJ agrees, pulling you into his side. “I missed you today.” 

“I missed you too," you blush, peering over to meet his gaze. 

“Movie anyone?” John B suggests suddenly rising to his feet. 

“Yes!” Sarah bursts. 

“Comedy!” Pope votes. 

“Romance!” Kiara challenges. 

“Actually," JJ sighs, standing up next to you. "I was going to head to bed, wanna come?” He asks as he glances down at you.

You hum. “Yeah, I’m pretty tired actually." 

____________________________________________

You and JJ lay in bed, facing each other as you talk about everything under the sun. You could've watched the movie considering you've been up for hours talking, not once trying to fall asleep. Yet, spending hours laying in bed, talking to JJ, is a much better pass time. 

“Fish tacos from The Wreck,” JJ answers without a moment's hesitation. 

“Ooo, you know I’ve never been there,” you confess, intrigued. 

“Really?!" JJ's eyes grow wide. "We’ll have to go ASAP! Kie’s dad makes the best hush puppies,” he dramatically gestures with his hands. 

You giggle, “sounds amazing.” 

“Okay, now your turn." JJ's arm drapes over you and rubs his hand up and down your back. 

“Hmm," you hum, thinking it over. "My grandma’s chicken and dumplings. She always made it when I was sick and it’s like a warm hug.”

“Yum," he grins. “Dream vacation?”

“Anywhere with a beach,” you answer easily. “I love to travel, but I also love the ocean so can’t be too far from it. You?”

“Surfing trip around the world," he nods, clearly having thought about it before. "I’m talking Australia, Japan, Brazil, all over.”

“Surfing world tour. Very surfer Pogue of you,” you tease playfully. 

“Would a Kook Princess like to come?” He offers with a sly smirk as his eyes fall to the small space between you. 

“Sure I’ll follow,” you accept with a soft smile. 

JJ jokingly nudges you on the shoulder with a slight blush to his cheeks. “Stop," he chuckles. "If anything you pick the places and I follow. Follow you around the world.”

“You would?” You narrow your eyes at him with a smirk. 

“What’s that Carol King song?” He tries to recall and whispers some of the words. “Where you lead...”

“I will follow," you add in a sing-songy tone. 

“Anywhere!” You both say in unison to each other, causing you two to laugh. 

JJ exhales deeply, catching his breath after laughing.“Talking to you is so easy it’s scary," he confesses, taking your hand in his between you two. 

“I never felt so understood until I met you,” you tell him. 

His brows scrunch together as he watches your hands move around one another. “You don’t think Topper understands you?”

“I do... to an extent,” you shrug, not fully convinced. “He’s known me longer, so he knows why I am the way I am, but he’s not necessarily accepting of all of it.”

“What do you mean?” JJ wonders aloud.  

“If I told him that I don’t want to go to every party and rather stay in, he’d wonder why. If I said I don’t like the Club and rather spend a day on some remote island somewhere he wouldn’t relate. I could tell you that I want to move to Guam and you’d be game for it. Some days I don’t want to have any responsibilities or social obligations which confuses Topper. He’s satisfied where he is. He’s satisfied being stationary and though I’m told I have everything, I don’t want any of it." You pause, finding yourself coming to a hard conclusion. You peer up at JJ who's eyes have left your hands and pour into you. "There has to be more right? There has to be something different out there.”

“Life beyond the OBX?" He seek to clarify to which you nod. "Yeah, there’s an entire world outside of here!”

“That’s what I want..." You whisper. "Something entirely my own and somewhere where no one knows me.” 

“Maybe we should explore it together,” he smiles gently with content. “I mean, as long as it’s okay for one person to know you.” 

“You don’t count," you blush. 

JJ releases your hand, bringing his own to caress your cheek. “I want to see the world with you." 

You lean into his touch, his warmth making you feel safe, seen, and understood. “I think that can be arranged...”

JJ shakes his head, as though he's come to a profound realization. “You’re everything to me." His words slip by in a whisper as he leans in and presses a gentle kiss to your lips, sealing his statement. 

You run your fingers through JJ's hair, pulling him in deeper. He smiles against your lips, loving your reaction. He moves to hover over you, encompassing you with his body. You take matters into your own hands and press JJ down to lay down beside you. Swiftly, you move to straddle him. A grunt leaves him and you cower slightly. 

"Did I hurt you?!" You nearly panic. 

“No, no,” he’s quick to assure you, bringing his hand to your face and brushing your hair back. 

You hadn’t noticed when he got into bed, the bruises and cuts scattered across his torso. You remember them from the Boneyard and in the hot tub. You had thought perhaps they were from Topper. 

JJ can tell that your mind isn’t satisfied. "What else is troubling you?" He frowns. "Babe, look at me, please."

"If these weren't Topper, what happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it,” he scrunches his face with a shake of the head. “Don't worry, it's taken care of,” he tries to change the subject, reaching up to kiss you. 

You gasp. "Did someone do this to you?!" You quickly realize. 

"Y/N..."JJ exhales deeply. 

"JJ, I have to know!” You argue. “If someone-"

"It was my dad okay!" He confesses. 

You heart sinks has the dark reality hits you like a ton of bricks. 

"He... he gets mad sometimes..."JJ describes, looking anywhere but you. He begins to fidget with the hem of your shirt. When... When things weren’t good between us... I picked a fight with him. It was stupid. I shouldn't have done it, but I did! I think I wanted it. At least then I could control the pain,” he explains, killing you.

You lean down and plant a gentle, comforting kiss to his lips. When you pull back, JJ stares at you, stunned by the action. You swallow hard as you slide down, keeping eye contact with him as you plant a kiss to his bruised peck. JJ’s heart begins to race as he watches you. You continue on your path to his multicolored rib. JJ’s hand brushes over the top of your head gently. Your fingers curl under the hem of his boxers as you leave a trail of kisses over his cut and bruised stomach. 

"Y/N..." He breathes heavily as his eyes fall shut. 

"Never again,” you tell him warningly as a demand. “You never go back there. Here, Kie's, Pope's, my place, anywhere else but there. Morning, noon, or night, you need a place, come to me. You hear me?"

JJ nods, too consumed in you to voice anything. 

"I see marks like these on you again, I'll kill him and they won't find the body. I've seen enough crime documentaries. I can be like Liam Nison in Taken,” you joke slightly. 

"I'm sure you could," JJ smirks, peering down at you. 

You lift yourself up to hover just above his face. You cup his cheeks, making him look you in the eyes. "I'm never going to leave you, ever! You never have to suffer alone again. I promise. Your pain is my pain. Whatever you inflict on yourself you also do on me."  

"I promise too. You're my world, Y/N,” he tells you and you know he means it. “You're my life now."

Suddenly, there's a ruckus coming from outside in the hall. The sound of the screen door slamming against the frame and shouting. 

“Hey! Hey! Hey! I’ll go get her! You stay here!” You hear John B yell. 

“Like I’d listen to you!” Another voice barks. 

You break from JJ, trying to listen. “What’s going on?” 

“I don’t know,” he frowns, peering over at the door. He climbs off of you and slips out of the bed. He grabs a t-shirt from the chair in the corner and pulls it over his head, his boxers still slightly exposed. 

“JJ, be careful!” You beg, worried that it could be someone looking for trouble. 

"I will, Baby. It's okay," he promises, heading toward the door to check it out. 

“Cool off Topper!” Pope shouts before you hear a bang. 

“Topper?” You mumble in disbelief, flying off the bed and toward the door.

“Y/N!" JJ grabs your wrist as you open the door. "Baby, wait!” 

Before he has the chance to stop you, you stumble into the hallway. JJ rushes out of the bedroom, nearly running into you. Standing at the end of it, in the archway of the living room, Topper turns his attention away from the Pogues. His eyes land on you and a wave of relief consumes him. 

“Y/N...” Your name falls from his parted lips faintly. 

“Topper...” You stand frozen. 

“There is almost an equal Kook to Pogue ratio in this house and I don’t like it,” Pope huffs from behind Topper. 

“I need to talk to you," the tall blonde announces urgently. 

You speed walk down the hall, despite JJ's efforts to stop you. “Is everything okay?” 

“Yeah, I just... I... uh...” Topper stutters, nervously avoiding your gaze, and focuses on the small floor space between you. 

“Have you been drinking again?" You question, coming to the conclusion he has. He smells of beer and weed, more than he did hours ago. "Did you go back to Kelce’s!” 

“I was losing my mind, Y/N!" He bursts, uncharacteristically, causing you to jump and JJ to step forward toward you. "I needed a distraction, but nothing was working!” Topper explains in a rush, all fidgety. “Can we just go somewhere to talk?” 

JJ immediately steps in, moving to stand between the two of you. “You’re not going anywhere with her!” 

“Oh shove it,” Topper snaps at JJ. 

“You forget you’re on my side of the island, Kook!” JJ barks, shoving Topper in the chest. 

“Enough!” You scream, pressing a palm to each of their chests. “For Pete’s sake!” 

“Back off JJ!” Kiara yells. 

“I just need to talk to you,” Topper pants. 

You exhale deeply, glancing between JJ and Topper. You know JJ won't approve and won't allow it without a fight, but you agree to speak with Topper. “Okay, let’s go outside.” 

JJ laughs, pacing around. “You can’t be serious-” 

“Ten minutes!” You shout at him, escorting Topper toward the door. 

“She sure told you,” Topper mocks JJ as he backs up to the exit. 

“Oh shut up,” you grumble, urging Topper through the doorway leading to the front yard. 

You and Topper settle down on the hammock, swinging back and forth on the edge, side by side. The sun has long since set and the lights in the large tree illuminate the yard. Unable to sit still, Topper rises from his spot and paces in front of you. 

“What’s going on Topper?” You ask worriedly. 

The boy stops, rubbing his hand across the back of his neck nervously. “I’m losing my mind, Y/N!" He finally breaks his silence. "I feel like there are weights strapped to me and I’m being pulled to the bottom of the ocean, struggling for air!” He rushes out in a pant. “I’ve been an arrogant ass and too scared to pay attention, but now I’m just scared and I’m afraid if I don’t tell you this now that I’ll never get a chance like this again!” 

You stand, taking his hands in yours. "Just take a deep breath!" 

He yanks his hands free of your hold, running his fingers through his hair as he paces away. "I'm about to be the most selfish person on the planet!" 

“Topper, just say it! It can't be that bad!" You try to reassure him, the pit in your stomach growing with each passing minute. You can only assume the worst. 

“I love you!” Topper bursts out, meeting your gaze pleadingly. 

A weight lifts off your shoulder. You thought it was something bad. “That's it? I love you too,” you laugh lightly. 

“No!" He stops you. "Not the way you mean it... it’s not the same! I love you!” 

Neither of you notice the Pogues hiding in the enclosed patio, watching everything go down. 

“I knew it!” Pope announces from his spot by the window. 

“Pay up!” Kiara holds out her hand to John B. 

JJ's heart sinks when he hears the confession leave Topper. He wants to run for the hills, but he can't help but observe you stand there in shock. 

Topper's chest rises and falls rapidly. “I didn’t realize it fully until I dropped you off and saw you with him. I know what I said earlier, that I’m okay with this!" The words fly out of him like a freight train going full speed. “But I’m not! I’ve been in love with you for two years! Before Sarah, during Sarah, after her!” 

“Okay ouch...” Sarah mumbles from her spot on the patio. 

“I’ve loved you since the moment I met you, I’ve just been too caught up in everything else to notice!" Topper's voice cracks with emotion. 

"You tell me this now!" You shout, growing more frustrated with each passing second. 

He sighs, "I know, I know, I'm sorry-" 

"No! You don't get to apologize!" You snap at him, utterly pissed off and frankly hurt. "You could've had me! You had me, Topper!" You correct as your eyes begin to swell with tears. "You had every opportunity to change the status quo and you didn't! You let me feel like a toy, there to satisfy you when you needed company! Yes, it was fun! Yes, it was great sex! Yes, I fed into the holding and touching, even when you and Sarah were on a break because I thought..." You swallow hard, processing what you're about to say. "Because I thought that eventually, you'd love me!" You break, tears falling down your cheeks. You finally let go of a truth you've been holding in for years now. "If I kept sleeping with you that one day you'd realize that we were more than just friends! Everyone else thought it! But you were caught up on Sarah and then it became not letting Sarah be with John B! I had to break it off after Bermuda because it was killing me! I couldn't take it anymore! I had to begin to move on!" 

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I'm such an idiot!" Topper rushes up to you, taking your hands in his pleadingly. "Tonight, feeling you again, I saw the rest of our lives and I want it! I don’t give a shit about our friends or golfing or the Club or Sarah because none of it matters if I don’t get to experience it with you!” He begs, “so pick me! Be with me! Love me!” 

You whimper, unsure of what to do or say. Everything is happening so fast. 

"You slept with him?" 

You turn over your shoulder to find JJ standing just a few feet away. His eyes glisten under the lights of the tree. He swallows hard, taking your silence as enough of an answer. He nods his head, pressing his lips together to hold back his emotions.

“You’re exactly as everyone says!” He yells, pointing at you aggressively. 

In a second, he's sprinting away down the gravel drive. You step forward, ready to run after him, but Topper grabs your wrist. 

"Y/N, don't!" He pleads. 

You yank your wrist free, before running him. "JJ!" You call, "JJ wait!" 

"Y/N!" Topper shouts, running after you. 

"JJ!" You beg for him to stop. 

"Y/N, wait!" Topper grunts, sprinting. 

"JJ!" You struggle to keep up with the boy. Soon, he disappears into the dark woods across the street and you have no choice but to halt, losing all hope. 

You fall to your knees on the gravel. The sound of Topper's feet hitting the gravel quickly approaching. You slam your fists to the ground with a scream, hitting your boiling point. How much is a girl expected to take? 

______________________________________

Masterlist

Tags: @starkeythinker @bethii1 @thegunnerkelly@cc13723things@hockeybabe87 @jolomez @plutooryectors

[onebizarrekai]

random rant about ranmaru under the cut because I spent the entirety of yesterday thinking about him

yttd 3b spoilers

I’m gonna fight. the more I think back on what they did with ranmaru the more it looks like they were trying to dispose of him

like. seriously?? they killed him off during the trial without a second thought and didn’t even make it an option to save him?? I thought he was gonna be the new bastard because sou has the brain cell now

it’s almost like they made him go rogue in order to make the player not like him and not miss him when he dies but it literally had the opposite effect. he’s interesting now and they just weeded him out without a second thought or word, even though he was almost a main character during the whole of chapter 3 since he was hanging out with sara the whole time. he was part of a darker part of sara’s character arc and they just…… threw him out

those two had a really compelling dynamic especially because sara and ranmaru seriously had this brains-in-sync moment that encouraged ranmaru to make bad decisions

they were tied by a string of fate and EVERYTHING and they didn’t even make his death meaningful at all. and it’s not like they killed every single doll either, they decided to give a handful of them the chance to survive and none of them were, y’know, the guy the mc spent the whole chapter with and got attached to

and because they threw him aside like that, some players are calling him a disposable trope aka a yandere, because for some reason, his desire to survive, affection for sara and bad ideas are not worth exploring or taking seriously

in all honesty they barely made ANY of the doll deaths meaningful during the russian roulette game. they just went “all right gotta save gin” (which is understandable but still) and didn’t emote at all besides minor displeasure at killing their new friends that they just spent the WHOLE chapter gaining affection for and learning to team up with

and like yes. it’s true all of the dolls were dead people, but look me straight in the eye and tell me why the doll you’re supposed to care about the most  narrative-wise (besides mai) is a locked death that didn’t even get any attention drawn to it

you didn’t even get to see how sara felt about it. she just went “uh oh! ranmaru betrayed us! what a nutcase” and then kinda wiggled away until ranmaru died in the trial EVEN THOUGH ranmaru was literally becoming her friend before he went off the rails.

it’s like nothing in the chapter happened, it’s like none of them went through a rigorous electric shock minigame in order to save his life

I’d almost say that this is a showcase of how apathetic sara can be when she’s been turned against, but she didn’t have anything to say about it

like why does the stupid glasses guy get surviving rights. like for mai and kurumada it KIND OF made sense because mai got character development and kurumada kinda did too and he also almost died and they charged him and all, but glasses guy? and not ranmaru, who also got character development like the other two? there were 3 dolls that got development basically and one of them got offhandedly killed while being replaced by some rando who got zero development that I can’t even remember the name of.

I mean like I guess gin needs someone to look after him since qtaro died but also am I really gonna take a rando over a fave who MIGHT have the capacity to have some sense talked into him? or hell, even an interesting impact on the story.

dude. I want to see sara juggling not one but two bastards. I want to see sou and ranmaru not getting along. I want to see ranmaru being a wannabe problem but because he’s such a twig he just gets suplexed immediately by keiji. sara gin keiji sou and ranmaru really sounds like a terrible dream team to me

unless of course ranmaru gets brought back as a floor master since midori got wasted ahhahahaha that thought just crossed my mind very quickly

but also it’s very unlikely that they would do that. and it would also be stupid because it would require them to rewrite him into being a floor master and change him entirely. not to mention they could bring midori back at any time since he’s a doll (though there’s no saying they will)

anyway long story short ranmaru was a striking opportunity to develop sara some more in terms of her darker parts but if the way that they handled him is encouraging people to throw him under the bus, is everything really fine and dandy

I’m not even saying he should be a locked survivor (considering that he is very dead and his doll body probably isn’t permanent) I’m just saying he should be taken seriously and maybe even have a chance of living after the russian roulette part rather than just being cast aside

.

this is an unrelated question as well but sou’s 0% survival rate goes unanswered. midori said that everyone was set up to be given an evened out chance of survival but sou still ended up with nothing, somehow. we also don’t really have a team-antagonist either because sou mellowed out so much, despite his burning hatred for sara for making him survive instead of kanna (I guess he met midori again and then backed way down, but that doesn’t change the fact that sou spent the first 2 chapters being an antagonist and even tells the player about majority votes at the very beginning)

I kinda thought that ranmaru was going to replace him just a little even if ranmaru is an impulsive idiot who doesn’t know what he’s doing but that didn’t happen

OH YEAH. speaking of which I know we’re only halfway through chapter 3, which is probably why majority votes haven’t come up again, but doesn’t it seem awfully strange that the deciding factor of who survives in the russian roulette game was rigged, pre-programmed luck?

maybe ranmaru’s desire to win by teaming up with sara and killing everyone was just breaking the system too much

[rev-1832]

please for the love of all fuck explain mcyt to me

Omg I've been waiting for this

So mcyt means minecraft youtube, but usually also includes Twitch streamers. It's like a in general thing, and not pointing to anything specific

But since you sound so confused, I'm gonna explain to you the Dream SMP lore 'cause why not

TL;DR: Chaos and war, basically also like a hamilton, heathers, and les mis crossover (but i mean if you want to understand everything you should read.)

If theres spelling mistakes, sorry

Note: Everyone on the smp has three canon lives, and when you loose all three you're canonically dead (except philza minecraft. he has one canon life bc hes known as the hardcore guy bc he had a minecraft hardcore series for 6 years until he was killed by a spider while trying to fight a baby zombie lmaoooooo)

IMPORTANT: THIS IS ALL RP. IRL THEY’RE ALL FRIENDS. THERES A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE PLAYER AND THE CHARACTER. THE RELATIONSHIPS AREN’T ACTUALLY TOGETHER IRL. ITS ALL THEIR CHARACTERS THAT THEY MADE UP. (obviously the best friends stuff are irl)

In the beginning there were 8: The Dream Team (Dream, Georgenotfound [the guy in my pfp btw :)] , Sapnap), Badboyhalo, Awesamdude, Ponk, Callahan, and Alyssa. Around this time, nothing much happened since it was all brand new, uhh yeah (this was around may-july of this year)

Then around late july new members joined: Tommyinnit, Tubbo, Wilbur Soot, Eret, Skeppy, Fundy, Punz, Purpled, and Schlatt. This part is very important to the lore, because the lore kinda started off with the british (so tommy, tubbo, wilbur, eret) Schlatt was banned, cause Sapnap was the one who invited him and Dream didn't know who he was. He'll come up later.

So Wilbur and Tommy decided to create a new nation called "L'Manberg". Also around this time (i think) Nihachu and Jack Manifold joined. They also were part of L'Manberg. There was this huge revolution between Dream Smp and L'Manberg. Very historical period on this smp. In the end, (i think it was?) L'Manberg who won (if memory serves).

After that, L'Manberg had started growing bigger, with a lot more buildings added and stuff, notably Church Prime, which where they created a religion for Twitch Prime, which is how you can sub to your favorite twitch streamer for free if you link your amazon prime account. I'm pretty sure around this time, Quackity, Karl Jacobs (if you watch Mr. Beast; yes, that karl jacobs), HBomb, Technoblade, and Antfrost joined. And then the railway war started. It happened when Tommy accidentally ran over Dream with a Minecart and then took his stuff. This is how the disc war started (once again, if memory serves). The two discs Tommy owns are his prized possesions, and Dream took them. Also around this time the Pet War started, with Sapnap killing someones(i forgot oops) pet. And then more pet killing. Annnnd then even more.

Then there was the L'Manberg eletion. There was POG2020, who was Wilbur and Tommy, SWAG2020, Quackity and George, Coconut2020, Fundy and Nihachu, and Schlatt2020 which was Schlatt. Oh yeah and he got unbanned btw

SWAG2020 and Schlatt2020 decided to combine their votes, thus Shclatt became president and Quackity his vp. Oh and ever since the election Quackity has this grudge against George bc he slept through the election. Schlatt renamed L'Manberg to Manberg, and exiled Tommy and Wilbur from it.

Schlatt is a evil dictator who likes power. He and Quackity started fighting, and so Quackity became part of Tommy and Wilbur's side. Around this time was The Battle of the Lake and The Burning Eiffel Tower, both part of the pet war. (It seems like a innocent war but its actually brutal lmao) Also (irl) Mr. Beast had a $10,000 Taco Bell gift card hunt. Eret won. It was at the cords 6969,420, because haha funny number haha weed number. This has nothing to do with the lore but yeah. Eret also became King of the SMP 

Then there was the Manberg festival. It was to celebrate democracy, but Tubbo puts it as "i decorated my own execution" bc he helped decorate it, but he was murdered there. At the festival was the Manberg Massicare, where Technoblade was forced to shoot tubbo, but he released a firework rocket kiling Tubbo, Schlatt, Quackity, and a few others. Many people lost one of their canon lives. Wilbur went all J.D like and planted 11 stacks of TNT underneath Manberg, and wanted to blow it up.

Pogtopia was formed, which is a ravine which i think is underneath? manberg? Which included basically everybody who wasn't neutral or with schlatt. On November 16 was the Manberg VS Pogtopia war, but the Badlands were also there. The Badlands is a nation of four people: Bbh, Skeppy, Awesamdude, and Antfrost. They faught with the loosing side, so the chaos could continue. Eret disobeyed Dream and got stripped of his royalty, and gave it to George. Oh and during this time, George had no idea there was a war and was building a cottagecore mushroom house with callahan and was very confused with all the death messages in the chat. Schlatt died canonically of a heart attack or stroke (no one knows tbh). Tommy became president, passed it to wilbur bc he still has unfinished buissness with dream (the discs), and wilbur passed it to Tubbo, who made Tommy his vp. Technoblade then argued about how government is bad, and they're just repeating history. Philza Minecraft joined the server, but no one could find him, until Wilbur blew up L'Manberg (they rechanged the name also). Wilbur then made Philza kill him, so Wilbur also became canonically dead. Then Techno, still mad at L'Manberg and governments, summoned two withers and made it attack the others. The Geogre decided to check out what was happening and helped fight. After the chaos, Captain Puffy and ConnorEatsPants joined the smp. About one to two weeks later Vikkstar and LazarBeam joined, then about three months after that Ranboo joined.

They rebuilt L'Manberg on stilts, and there water where the explosion was, but now with coral and stuff to make it all pretty. Tommy and Ranboo decided to go steal from Georges mushroom house, but then also griefed it and burnt it, and Dream, being a George simp, built obsidian walls around L'Manberg. They took Tommy to court, and was put on probation. Then Tommy got exiled (again) but this time by his own best friend. This made Quackity vp and Fundy secutary of state. Dream also took Georges king thing and gave it back to Eret because Eret has a good relationship with everybody, whereas George being King just caused chaos cause hes close to Dream. Quackity and Karl made Mexican L'Manberg, and George and Sapnap joined in also. War against Dream SMP, it was a negotiation and it got renamed into El Rapids (reference to Chilling in Cedar Rapids, which Hilary Clinton once said, and Quackity referenced it, got it trending #1 one twitter (well i mean dsmp gets things trending like everyday but), and got DONALD TRUMP TO SUBTWEET HIM. (This happened irl)

In his exile, Ghostbur (wilbur as ghost) and Tommy made Logstedshire, and Dream was often there to watch him. Dream then blew it up, and now Tommy is living with Techno in his arctic place. Currently, Quackity made a thing called The Butcher Army, so they could execute Techno. Tubbo, Quackity, Fundy, and I also think Ranboo? are trying to get another festival, and yes its a secret execution plan, but for them to kill Dream, who they realized is who they need to kill first. The disc war is still not over. Tommy has one of his discs, but Skeppy is in possesion of the other one.

Unluckily for Tommy (reguarding the discs), something happened in the Badlands. Bbh was digging out his underground statue room (he plans to make a statue of everyone of the server) and found this crimson egg. He, Antfrost, and Captain Puffy kinda got possesed. Also since Skeppy didn't really hang out on the server at night, but bbh does (OF FUCK I FORGOT TO MENTION HE AND BBH ARE BEST FRIENDS) Captain Puffy created Discount Skeppy, which is her in a Skeppy skin. Skeppy found out, had a little conflict with her during her stream, but it was resolved, and at one point in the stream, he asked bbh to choose between him and the egg, and when bbh didn't answer, he went to the egg, put himself inside it, and logged off. Couple days later, bbh and puffy got him out, hes now possed by the crimson, called Technoblade his "best friend" infront of bbh, and is now living in a grass hut. Bad is convinced theres still some skeppt left, but yeah. Skeppy also wanted to burn the disc.

End of lore for now, bc its like if you miss ONE STREAM YOU MISS LIKE A REALLY IMPORTANT EVENT AND ITS STRESSFUL

Not much part of lore but Nihachu and Captain Puffy once went on a date. They’re both bi irl and Puffy was on Nihachu’s Love or Host (twitch dating show. its really entertaining) Captain Puffy was a contestant, and chose love. (LoH is also how Nihachu and Wilbur met.) 

Funfact: Theres 5 irl lgbtq+ ppl on the server (people who came out, anyways cause you never know, ya know?) Antfrost is gay, Eret, Nihachu, Captain Puffy are all bi, and Karl Jacobs is ace spec 

Family stuff: Philza Minecraft (he'll come up later) had two twins with a Samsung Smart Refrigerator in the 70's. The two twins being Wilbur and Technoblade (he'll come up later also) and also had another son, Tommy. They also adopted Tubbo, who they found in a box on the side of the road. When he grew up, Wilbur met Sally the Salmon, and they had a fox together (dont ask just go with it), which was Fundy. (The character) Fundy is trans, and yeah . Bbh is a dad to sapnap and yeah

Oh and a new member is coming on today on Quackity’s stream (twitch.tv/quackityhq at 5pm CST if you want to watch) 

I left out some parts, sorry, but theres always the wiki...

Wilbur Soot is also a musician! He wrote I’m In Love With an Egirl, The Internet Ruined Me, and Your New Boyfriend. (did you know the last one beat taylor swift for #1 trending on youtube? idk why but im really proud of him for that) They’re all catJam’s. Go listen!

[maybeimamuppet]

it's me and you

hello friends. happy Wednesday. welcome to the work that inspired 'Tuesday minus five'.

tw for alcohol and a scene that might be triggering to those who struggle with disordered eating.

otherwise, please enjoy.

-

“Jayjay!” Cady calls loudly, leaping onto her fiancée from above. Janis yelps and catches her.

“Jesus Christ, Peanut, don’t do that,” she breathes once Cady is safely on the bed next to her. “What is it?”

Cady rolls on top of her and hovers over her on her elbows. “We have a wedding to plan.”

Janis grins a little at the reminder. “That we do. I’m guessing you want to do it now?”

“Uhhuh,” Cady nods happily. “Well, not all of it. But I want to start now.”

“Okay,” Janis says, rubbing over the backs of Cady’s arms. “You gonna let me up?”

Cady groans like it’s a terrible inconvenience and flops to the side, but takes Janis’ hand when she reaches out to help her up and follows her to the living room.

They sit on the ground around the coffee table, and Cady pulls her laptop and a notebook seemingly out of thin air.

“How do we even start with this?” Janis asks. They’re not planning on anything crazy, just their families and close friends, but they still have no idea how to approach planning it.

“I don’t know,” Cady shrugs. “I guess we should probably pick, like, a date for it?”

“Yeah, that makes sense,” Janis says. “You wanted spring.”

“Yeah,” Cady says. “Is April too cold?”

“I don’t think so. It gets pretty warm by the end of it,” Janis hums.

“And it should be easy to remember,” Cady says, tapping the end of her pen against her notebook. “What about April thirtieth? That’s as close to the end as we can get, and a round number.”

“Works for me,” Janis says. “So far, we’re nailing it.”

Cady laughs at that, writing the date in large letters on the first line. “You’re cute. Okay, um… location?”

That’s a bit more tricky. They want an outdoor wedding, but where?

“I don’t know,” Janis says anxiously. “All I can think of is the woods again.”

“That wouldn’t be terrible,” Cady hums thoughtfully. “It’s an important place to us, and it’s beautiful. And we wouldn’t have to pay very much, either. We’d have to get everyone to Illinois, but that’s doable.”

“Yeah, we could do that,” Janis says. “Are you sure, though? You don’t want somewhere more fancy?”

“As long as it’s not Las Vegas and I’m married to you by the end of that day, I couldn’t care less where it happens,” Cady says contently, adding their newest bit of information to the notebook. Janis grins affectionately as she nibbles on the end of the pen once it’s written down. “Okay, what now… um… color scheme?”

“Do you have anything in mind?” Janis asks. She’s not terribly fussed about this.

“Yeah. Do you?” Cady asks back. Janis nods. “Same time?” Another nod. “Okay, three, two, one.”

“Yellow,” Janis says.

“Purple,” Cady says at the same time. They both smile when they hear that the other picked their favorite color. “Our first disagreement. Okay, hmm.”

“Compromise color?” Janis suggests.

“Okay,” Cady giggles. “What do you get if you mix yellow and purple?”

“Brown,” Janis says quietly after a beat. Cady scrunches her nose. “Yeah, um… what about green? That’s yellow and blue, that’s pretty close.”

“Green might be nice, but if we’re getting married in the woods everything would blend in,” Cady says. They both think on it more, and suddenly her eyes light up. “What about rainbow? This technically is a gay wedding, and then we could have every color. Everyone could pick which one they want to be. And it would make the flowers a lot easier.”

Janis smiles at her. “That does sound beautiful. I like it.”

“Good!” Cady chirps. “Look at us, communicating.”

Janis laughs and inches herself closer. “What now?”

“We should probably invite people,” Cady realizes. “Okay, who do you want as bridesmaids and… brides…men?”

“I don’t know, I think we’re going to be picking from the same group,” Janis says. “Damian, Aaron, Julie, and the Plastics?” Cady nods. “We could just… share them, I guess.”

“Do you want Damian as your best man? I’ll let you have him,” Cady says, writing down everyone’s names.

“Yes please,” Janis responds. “Who do you want as yours?”

Cady goes quiet. “Would it be dumb to pick Rhys? I know he can’t… be there, but…”

“But you love him, he’s your brother,” Janis finishes. “That’s not dumb at all, baby. We’ll do something special.”

Cady grins at her thankfully. “We’ll do something for your dad, too. What about maids of honor?”

“Juliana,” Janis says. “Mine’s pretty easy.”

“Yeah,” Cady chuckles. “Oh, I don’t want to pick between the Plastics, that’s mean.”

“You don’t have to, necessarily,” Janis says. “You could have all of them, or none of them, if you want. This wedding is already very untraditional, I don’t think anyone would be surprised if we fiddled with that part too.”

“That’s true,” Cady says thoughtfully. “All of them, then. If they want, I’ll let them choose.”

“Good plan,” Janis says. “This is easier than I thought.”

“Don’t say that, you’ll jinx us,” Cady chuckles, looking up how to book the venue and finding caterers. “I have a job I think you should handle alone, too.”

“Oh, Christ,” Janis says anxiously. “What is it?”

“The cake,” Cady says with a cheeky wink. “I trust your judgement. You’ve always liked it more than me, I think you should handle that.”

“Oh,” Janis says in relief. “Yeah, I can do that. But that means you have to handle the flowers, I’m terrible with those.”

“I can do flowers,” Cady agrees with a chuckle.

“Um…” Janis says before she trails off. Cady looks at her and raises an eyebrow. “What are we going to wear?”

“I don’t know. What do you want to wear?” Cady says, pulling up a website for inspiration.

“I want to wear a dress,” Janis says shyly. “But I also kind of… don’t.”

“Me too,” Cady hums. “We could each get a dress and then a… not-dress. Wear one to the ceremony and the other to the reception.”

Janis nods. It’ll be expensive, but they have a pretty solid budget. “That’s a good plan. Do you know Gretchen’s schedule for the next while?”

“I think she said she’s stepping back from the spring scene this year, so she might have a bit more time. I would love to wear her stuff if we can,” Cady hums. “I’ll ask her.”

“Make her let us pay her full price,” Janis insists.

“Of course,” Cady agrees. “We’ve done pretty good, today. I love you.”

“I love you more,” Janis says.

“We’re never gonna get to the end of this,” Cady chuckles. “I love you most. Speaking of, where should we go on our honeymoon? If we don’t go too crazy with the ceremony, we should have a good budget.”

Janis has actually planned out this bit. “I was thinking… Kenya?”

“Are you serious?” Cady asks excitedly. Janis can see her hands shaking. “We’re gonna go to Africa?”

“I don’t see why not,” Janis shrugs, trying to hide her own excitement and joy. “I’ve wanted to go since we met. See your animals, where you’re from. Why not now?”

Cady rockets into her with a squeal, knocking her back onto the rug. Janis wraps her arms around Cady’s back and holds her close against her, laughing at the ticklish sensation of Cady kissing her neck and cheeks over and over and over.

Eventually Cady does calm down, but makes no effort to leave Janis’ embrace. Her face is still tucked into her neck and Janis’ cheek is squished against her curls.

“I love you, Jayjay,” Cady murmurs, muffled against the column of Janis’ neck.

“I love you too, Caddy,” Janis responds, holding her tighter. “I can’t wait to marry you.” She feels a smile against her.

————-

In February, they decide it’s probably time to take everyone shopping for their wedding attire. Gretchen had agreed to designing and making their dresses and outfits, but the bridesmaids and men still need things to wear.

The Plastics all agreed to be Cady’s maids of honor, and all decided to take on different responsibilities. Gretchen’s main one is obviously to focus on designing and sewing. Regina would be handling things on the day of the wedding, and Karen is throwing Cady’s bachelorette party. Cady is a little nervous about that.

Juliana visits for Cady’s birthday, so they decide to take everyone out while she’s in town with them.

“So what color scheme have you guys picked?” Gretchen asks as their crew enters a bridal shop.

Cady and Janis lock eyes with a small grin. “All of them. We picked rainbow.”

“Aww, gay,” Damian coos.

“All of you get to pick your own color,” Cady chuckles.

“That’s a really good idea,” Regina says. “Can I be red?”

“I want orange!” Karen adds.

“Can I be yellow?” Gretchen asks shyly.

“I’ll be blue, I guess,” Aaron says.

“Dibs on purple,” Damian calls.

“Then I guess I’m green,” Julie shrugs. “That was easy.”

Janis and Cady nod confidently and lead them into the store. Aaron and Damian go first since they both get suits, which are a bit easier. Damian’s is a vibrant grape shade of purple, which suits him remarkably well. Aaron picks a sapphire one with a similar style to Damian’s. Both will be tailored to a perfect fit for them before the wedding, so their work is done.

The Plastics go next, heading to different areas of the shop to find dresses in their respective colors. Each of them come back with no fewer than five to try on. Janis slumps down slightly in her seat, realizing this is going to take a while longer than she had anticipated.

Regina eventually settles on a ruby dress with a slit up the skirt and a slight v-neck on the tight bodice. Karen’s tangerine colored dress is similar, but hers has sleeves that loop around her upper arms instead of the spaghetti strap style that Regina chose. Gretchen has a harder time deciding between her options, and eventually gives it up to a group vote. The winner is a beautiful dandelion yellow one, with a higher neckline and only one sleeve.

Juliana is the last one to venture off, and she also returns with several options. After about the tenth, they’re all starting to look rather similar to everyone. Janis goes back to the dressing room with her sister to help weed out some options. Once they’ve sorted it down to three, it’s much easier to handle.

Julie tries on all three no fewer than twice each, before eventually, finally, landing on an emerald green dress with off the shoulder sleeves. It actually looks rather similar to Cady’s dress from their senior prom, just green and with a much less poofy skirt.

“Yay,” Damian cheers happily when they’re all outfitted. Cady insists on getting a picture of all of them together in their ill-fitting outfits for the first time.

“Lookin’ good, guys!” Janis calls from behind her fiancée. “Gay as hell.” She adds under her breath. Cady flicks her gently in retaliation.

“Yes, you are,” she murmurs. “They look good, don’t be mean.”

“I wasn’t! They’re literally a rainbow, that’s gay,” Janis insists. “That’s the whole point!”

Cady kisses her to shut her up, a tactic that always works. “We have to go feed them now, come on. Pick a restaurant.”

“Sushi,” Janis says instantly. Not a restaurant, but something Cady can work with.

“Fine, only because it’s a special day,” Cady agrees. “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Janis says. “This was a good idea.”

“Thanks,” Cady chuckles. “They do look good together like that.”

“You’d make a good artist,” Janis suggests. Cady chuckles in disbelief. “No, you would! You just need practice, you clearly already have an eye for colors.”

“I have a good teacher,” Cady says, tipping herself back into Janis’ embrace. “Now come on, we really do have to go.”

————-

The time continues to fly by, and it’s March before they know it. They’ve already heard back from all their family and friends, so they know who’s coming. The florists and the caterers have all been booked, along with the venues. They have Kevin G. as the DJ for the reception, which both Cady and Janis are slightly nervous about. Decorations have been purchased, and Juliana agreed to be the officiate and marry them.

All that’s left is the cake. Janis’ big job. She ordered a large sample box from a bakery nearby, since they’re back home for Julie’s birthday. Damian and Aaron came too, so they get to help.

Cady’s left every little detail up to Janis. The flavor, how it’s decorated, the size. Frankly, she’s put a remarkable amount of trust in her fiancée.

There’s a bit of conflict in the fact that Janis and Cady don’t have the same taste in sweets. Janis prefers chocolatey things, while Cady usually goes for fruity things. Janis got a sample of every flavor the bakery offers.

“Fucking hell, Jan,” is the first thing out of Damian’s mouth when he opens his front door, finding Janis with a box of cake bigger than she is. Juliana has to hold the other end so she doesn’t drop it. It doesn’t even fit on the dining room table, so they rest it on the floor in the living room and sit in a circle around it. Janis feels like they’re about to perform some strange ritual together.

She opens the box of wonders. “Okay, so over here is all the chocolate stuff. Devil’s food, death by chocolate, I think this one might actually just be a brownie. And then this is vanilla cakes, so, like, white and yellow and stuff. And then fruit. Lemon, strawberry, raspberry, I forget what this one is. And then I got carrot cake for fun.”

“In what world is carrot cake fun?” Julie asks. “I swear there’s no way we’re related.”

“Rabbits think it’s fun,” Janis retaliates. “Here’s your forks. Dig in.”

They start strong, but the cake quickly loses its charm. Once you’ve tasted nine different kinds of chocolate cake alone, it’s not quite the same.

Julie is the first to tap out, quickly followed by Aaron. They both lie on the floor in a sugar coma. Janis and Damian are determined to continue.

“I think,” Damian says after a long moment. “That this was a mistake.”

“We definitely should’ve split them up,” Janis agrees, but takes another bite. “This one is… it would be good, under normal circumstances.”

Damian is the next to go, putting his fork down in defeat and collapsing onto the ground. Janis presses on. The fruit flavors provide a nice sort of respite, and she thinks that Cady would really like the lemon.

Janis doesn’t quite make it to the carrot cake. She knows her limits, so she admits defeat and rests herself down with the rest of the group. She pulls out her phone and texts a picture of all of them to Cady.

Cady’s job for the day is to try on her outfits with Gretchen, so it takes a few minutes for a response to come through. Janis gives an involuntary groan when she remembers Cady’s contact name.

caddycakes: Oh no, lovey D: What did you guys do?

jayjay: a terrible thing

jayjay: caddy

jayjay: i have consumed entire worlds and i regret everything

caddycakes: Poor things. Why did you do them all in one?

jayjay: an alarming display of hubris

caddycakes: Ah, of course. Drink water and have protein, it’ll help the stomachache. I’ll be there soon to take care of you

jayjay: ur gonna take care of me even tho i did this to myself ??

caddycakes: Darling, we’re getting married in a month and you’re the most impulsive, clumsy person I’ve ever known. If I refused to take care of you when you’re hurt or sick just because you did it to yourself we’d both be in for a world of misery

jayjay: i love you

caddycakes: I love you too, dearest. Hang in there 📷

Janis clicks her phone off and gives herself a few minutes to recover. She’s dreading the idea of putting anything else into her body at the moment, but Cady is right. Water will help make them feel better.

After about ten minutes she manages to peel herself up from the ground and head into the kitchen. Janis still knows her way around, so she grabs four glasses and fills them with ice water for her friends.

They barely react to her return, so she carefully rests a cup in each of their hands and keeps the last for herself. Carefully, they sip at the cold liquid until their stomachs stop aching quite so much, and they can move to the couch to continue the food coma there.

“I’m getting married. I’m an adult,” Janis mumbles eventually. “What the fuck have I done? I’m nowhere near responsible enough. Look at us.”

“Caddy’s responsible enough for both of you, it’s fine,” Damian replies deliriously. Juliana and Aaron grunt in agreement.

-

Cady enters after another short while, letting herself in with the key she still has. “Oh no, guys. What did Jay do to you?”

“That death by chocolate stuff was literal,” Aaron complains.

“Poor things. Oh good, you have water. That’ll help a little,” Cady says. She kisses Janis on the forehead gently. “I brought antacid tabs and some nuts. They have a fair bit of protein and they’re salty, that’ll help too.”

“An angel among idiots,” Damian says thankfully, popping a few tabs and taking a handful of the offered snack. “Thank you.”

“Of course. Did you guys pick a flavor or just eat yourselves to death?” Cady giggles, handing the treatments to the rest of them as well.

“The lemon was good,” Janis murmurs.

“I didn’t make it that far,” Aaron says. “But the… the fudge one was the best that I tasted.”

“I liked the white one too,” Julie says.

“Well, that’s something, I guess,” Cady chuckles. “I hope you’ve learned something.”

“Yeah, never let Janis talk you into a dessert tasting,” Damian says. Cady laughs and runs a hand through Janis’ hair gently.

“She meant well. You just need to plan better, love,” she hums. “Can you move yet? We should get you home.”

Janis nods and pulls herself up, then helps Julie. Cady leaves another few of the tablets and the rest of the snacks for Damian and Aaron, then grabs the cake box and follows the sisters to the car.

Cady also drives them home, dropping Julie off at their house but keeping Janis for herself. Janis pouts sadly once she’s in comfy clothes and nestled in bed to recover from the day.

“Caddy?” She asks quietly after a moment.

“Hmm?” Cady hums from above her, stroking through Janis’ hair.

“Are you sure you want to marry me? I’m… I’m such an idiot, sometimes. Why do you want to be stuck with this?” Janis asks sadly.

“Whoa, darling,” Cady hushes. “What? Of course I want to marry you. Of course I’m sure. I love you.”

“But why? Look at me,” Janis whines. “You said it yourself, I’m too impulsive.”

“No, mpenzi, shh for a second,” Cady says gently. “I love you because I choose to. I fell in love with you back in high school because you’re you. And now, every day, I choose to continue. I choose to love you. I love your passion, and your heart, and your mind. I love the things you create and the way you tick. And I love how impulsive you are, even though sometimes I get frustrated. You keep things interesting. And I love you for that.”

“But do you really want to deal with me forever?”

“Where is this coming from, my love?” Cady asks in concern, gently pulling her closer and kissing her forehead. “I’m not dealing with you. I’m loving you. I’m not trying to say I’m never going to get upset with you for being impulsive, just like you know you won’t always be okay with me being so set in my ways. We’re different people, we work differently. We have different minds. But we match pretty well, right?”

Janis nods and cuddles closer, but doesn’t say anything.

“I love you exactly as you are, wild decisions and all. We’ll work through stuff as it comes, but don’t think for a second that I’m ever going to stop loving you. I love the impulsivity because it’s part of you, and I love you,” Cady concludes. “And I hope you’re feeling better, because I’ve already used up a good chunk of my vows here and I still need material for the real ones.”

Janis chuckles into her chest and nods. “I’m better. I love you too. Even though you can be a stick in the mud sometimes.”

“I never understood that phrase,” Cady mumbles. “Like, if the stick is in the way of you having fun in the mud then just… pick it up and put it somewhere else.”

“I don’t think that’s what it means,” Janis chuckles. “But that is a good way to think of it. Does this mean I can pick you up and drag you out to do fun stuff?”

“You can always pick me up,” Cady chuckles, braiding little strands of Janis’ hair together. “And yes, you can sometimes make me do fun things. But I can also be the stick and stop you if you want to do something dangerous or dumb.”

“My ideas are always good,” Janis says defensively.

“Darling, you had the equivalent of about three whole cakes in one afternoon and dragged our friends down with you, sometimes your ideas aren’t great,” Cady says gently.

“Exactly. It was a great idea in theory to get it all out of the way, but it wasn’t good in practice,” Janis says.

“You should be a lawyer, you’re very good at arguing,” Cady says lovingly.

“No way, I’m done with school, thank you very much,” Janis replies.

“You’re a teacher.”

“Shhh. Quiet time.”

“Okay,” Cady giggles, kissing her forehead and drifting off for a nap alongside her fiancée.

————-

The week before the big day, both of their bachelorette parties are thrown. Cady goes off with the Plastics, while Janis gets to spend the night with Damian and Aaron.

Karen is throwing Cady’s, and she’s a little worried that her friend is going to do something crazy. She’s pleasantly surprised to find it’s just the four of them, a lot of alcohol and food, and what looks to be a spa night.

“Aww, Karen! This looks so fun, thank you!” Cady says excitedly.

“You’re welcome! Bride emoji, balloon emoji. I wanted to do something bigger, but I don’t think you would’ve liked that. So, we get to do face masks and watch movies!” Karen says.

“Yeah, this is perfect. I love it,” Cady says.

-

Janis shows up to Damian and Aaron’s apartment, slightly nervous about what she’ll find. Damian lets her in, and she’s pleasantly surprised to find a painting set up and a fair bit of food and booze.

“Aww, Dame,” Janis says happily. “This is great! What are we doing?”

“Getting fucked up and painting stuff,” Damian replies. Aaron comes out from the kitchen with a tray of even more snacks. “And eating. And then maybe we’ll watch movies, I don’t know yet.”

Janis hugs him tightly. “This is perfect.”

“I know,” Damian jokes. “Let’s get going, you’ll have to teach us your painting extraordinaire ways.”

“I’ll try,” Janis chuckles.

————-

Cady is squished in between Gretchen and Karen on their small couch, soaking her feet in a fancy foot bath and watching Legally Blonde. Suddenly, her phone starts ringing with a Facetime call.

“Damian? What’s up?” She asks confusedly when his face pops into view.

“Um… Janis is kind of… drunk,” he says anxiously. “And crying. Can you talk to her?”

“Oh no,” Cady pouts. “Of course I’ll talk to her, where is she?” The camera flips to show Janis curled up on the ground, weeping into her knees while Aaron awkwardly tries to comfort her. Cady dries her feet off and heads into the bathroom for a bit more privacy. “Poor thing, what happened?”

“Jan, it’s Caddy,” Damian says gently, offering her the phone. “Tell her what happened.”

Janis sobs a couple times before bursting out with a very slurred sentence. “Was-was tryin’ to paint you,” she says miserably. “B-but m’ hand wouldn’ workin’. ‘N then I for-forgot what you look-look like! ‘M gonna be a terrible wife!”

“No, darling, no,” Cady says. “Love, you’re drunk. That’s why your hand wasn’t working. And it’s okay that you forgot what I look like. Again, you’re drunk, and faces are hard to memorize. It doesn’t mean you don’t love me, it’s okay.”

“You-you’re not mad?” Janis asks shyly. Her bottom lip is still jutted out sadly, but she’s not crying quite so hard anymore.

“Of course I’m not mad,” Cady says. “I think it’s so sweet that you were even trying to paint me from memory. How much have you had to drink, mpendwa?”

“Um… six.” Janis says, which explains very little.

“Six?” Damian exclaims in shock from off camera. “Jan, that was vodka, you did six shots? Jesus Christ, no wonder you’re so drunk!”

“‘M not drunk,” Janis insists. “Th’ room’s just spinny.”

“Because you’re drunk, Janis,” Aaron explains. “Let me go get you some water.”

“‘M not drunk!” Janis says again. “Was just little cups. Little baby drinks. Why ‘m I on the floor?”

“Jellybean, those were shots, and you did a lot,” Cady says. “Do what Damian and Aaron tell you to, okay? They’ll help you feel better.”

“Not th’ boss ‘f me,” Janis pouts. Cady tries to hold back a laugh. Janis is cute when she’s drunk, but Cady is glad she doesn’t have to encounter it too often.

“They are for tonight, then I’ll help with your hangover tomorrow,” Cady says. “Behave, or no cuddles.”

“No cuddles?” Janis asks in shock, and her lower lip starts trembling again. Cady mutes herself for a second to give an exasperated sigh.

“Less cuddles. I’ll cuddle you a little bit. But if you listen and actually do what they tell you to, you’ll get more cuddles,” she says. It’s all in the phrasing.

“Oh. Mmkay,” Janis says, suddenly sounding much happier. Cady sighs in relief when she sees her chug down the water. “Caddy, I miss you.”

“I miss you too, Bluejay. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Cady says. “Keep drinking water.”

Janis suddenly sits upright and stares at the screen for a second. “Caddy, I can see you.”

“I know,” Cady chuckles. “I can see you too.”

“No, I can see you! Stay,” Janis says. “Can paint you now.”

“Jellybean, I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Cady says gently. “You should be resting. Why don’t you watch a movie with Damian and Aaron?”

Janis pouts. “But you’re not here. How ‘m I s’posed to watch movie with no Caddy?”

Cady grins at her. “I love you. Why don’t you take tonight to watch all your favorite scary movies? I’m sure we’ll be able to watch some other happy ones together tomorrow.”

“Mmkay,” Janis whines. “You’re so pretty.”

“Thank you, darling,” Cady chuckles. “You’re very pretty too. Go get comfy.”

Janis picks herself up from the ground and heads to the couch, cuddling in with a blanket. Damian sits next to her, and Aaron sits on his other side.

“There. Keep hydrated, mpendwa. I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you,” Cady says. Janis pouts when she says goodbye.

“I love you, Caddy,” she says. “G’night.”

Cady blows her kisses and hangs up before heading back to her friends.

“Everything good?” Regina asks, looking up from her phone.

“Janis got drunk and started crying because she couldn’t remember what I look like,” Cady sighs. “Give me something, I need a drink too.”

Gretchen helpfully pours her a shot of their favorite bubblegum schnapps, and Cady downs it like it’s nothing.

“Thank you. Now I really do need this spa, thanks Karen,” Cady says, settling back into her spot.

-

Janis comes stumbling into their apartment around noon the next day. Cady woke up with a slight hangover, but was right as rain after a few painkillers and some water. Janis doesn’t seem to be faring quite as well.

“Hey, love,” Cady says quietly as Janis takes her sunglasses off. Janis still winces at the volume. “Poor thing. Did you take anything?”

Janis shakes her head. “Did I call you yesterday?”

“Damian did for you, you were pretty upset,” Cady replies as she grabs some more medicine to help Janis’ hangover. “And drunk, so I’m not surprised you don’t remember.”

“I have no idea what happened, I remember trying to paint… you, I think, and then I have a vague memory of watching The Shining, and then I woke up with a hangover,” Janis mumbles, swallowing the pills and downing the water.

“You said you did six shots of vodka, but I don’t know if you had anything else,” Cady chuckles gently. “But yes, you did try to paint me. And I don’t think it went particularly well.”

“I’m not surprised. I haven’t been that drunk since… ever,” Janis says. She refills her own water cup and heads to lie on their small couch, kissing Cady on her way. Cady follows and lifts Janis’ feet onto her lap.

“Why did you drink so much?” Cady asks quietly. “Is everything okay?”

“I’m not planning on doing it again, if that’s what you’re worried about,” Janis jokes. Cady gives her a look. “I know. I don’t know why I did it.”

“You still want to do this?” Cady asks. Janis snaps her head up to look at her.

“What? The wedding?” She asks. Cady nods with a hint of sadness. “Baby, of course. I’ve been looking forward to it for, like, a year. Minimum. We’re gonna be wives next week, I’m so excited.”

“Are you sure?” Cady asks. “I’ve been thinking about… me, I guess. Are you sure you want me, forever? You don’t want someone more… like you? Brave and fun and cool?”

“What? Peanut,” Janis pouts, hauling herself upright with a great deal of effort and pulling her fiancée into a cuddle. “Of course I want you. I want you as long as you’ll have me. I don’t need another me, I need you. I love you. I love your random bits of knowledge that I’ll never understand and that you’re always so worried whenever I get another stupid idea.”

“But I’m so… plain. You dye your hair wacky colors and then cut it off and paint all your clothes yourself and make art and do… cool stuff. I do calculus for fun and go to bed by ten,” Cady says. “I’m so boring.”

Janis lies back down to cuddle Cady on top of her. “You’re not boring, Butterfly. You could never be boring. You’re from Africa, for crying out loud. You tell the best stories, and you help me understand things that don’t make sense. I wouldn’t have gotten through high school or college without you. And I need someone to balance me out, you know? Keep me on a leash when I get some crazy dangerous idea. I love you as you are. You’re perfect.”

Cady nuzzles into her neck. “I love you.”

“I love you too, baby. It’s like you said after the Cake Incident. We’re different people, we work differently. But we work together. We work because we balance each other out,” Janis says. “I need my Caddy.”

“I need my Jayjay,” Cady says, propping herself back up and leaning down to kiss her. Janis rests a hand on the back of her head to keep her close for a long moment. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Man, you took up a lot of my vows, too,” Janis says with a chuckle. “Now you have to cuddle me for the rest of the day, I’m sick.”

“You’re hungover,” Cady retaliates.

“Same difference. You said you’d take care of me,” Janis pouts.

“Always,” Cady whispers.

————-

They fly home to Illinois the next day, both feeling much better. They’ve decided to spend the rest of the week apart, to make their wedding that much more special. Neither of them is particularly looking forward to their separation, but they know it’ll be worth it.

Their friends and family follow them to Illinois over the next few days while Cady and Janis run around town making sure everything is in order. The venue is perfect, Janis managed to get the cake in order, and everything else was handled months in advance. Julie gives them both a practice version of her speech, which they love. For a barely-seventeen year old, Juliana is an excellent writer.

-

Janis lies awake in her childhood bedroom the night before their big day. She feels almost the way she did the night before an exciting school trip as a child. But better.

She flips onto her other side and looks at the glowing green numbers on her clock. One in the morning. What to do? She’s already not used to sleeping without Cady by her side, and now with the added excitement that comes with tomorrow, Janis may never sleep again.

She only has to think for about two minutes before she makes her decision, rolling out of bed and tugging on some shoes before sneaking out her front door.

Janis zones out a bit on her way to Cady’s house, snapping back to attention when she almost walks past it. She grins to herself as she starts climbing up the same tree she used to climb to get to her girl’s window in high school.

She’s surprised to find Cady already there, sitting on the desk chair she’s pulled over and peering out the window. Cady jumps a little but grins widely as Janis’ face suddenly pops up on the other side.

“I was hoping you would come,” she whispers as she pulls the window open to haul Janis in.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Janis asks once she’s safely inside, closing the window quietly behind her. Cady shakes her head. “I couldn’t either.”

Cady reaches for her, so Janis comes to pull her in for a kiss. They still try to hold back a little bit, to keep something special for tomorrow, but neither can resist the taste and feeling of their love.

They jump apart when a massive crack of thunder booms outside. Cady peeks around Janis to find rain slamming against her window. She grins to herself and takes Janis’ hand, hauling them towards the door.

“Where are we going?” Janis asks in confusion. Cady isn’t a big fan of storms, maybe she’s taking them to hide. Instead, Cady tiptoes them to the back door and slides it open, running into the backyard in her pajamas and bare feet. “Peanut, what are you doing?!”

Cady spins around with her arms far out to her sides like the opening to The Sound of Music, the rain soaking her to the bone. She reaches for Janis, who toes off her shoes and tentatively goes to join her fiancée.

“You’re insane,” Janis says when she reaches her. “What are we doing?”

“Dance with me,” Cady says, reaching for her. Janis comes to her embrace confusedly, holding onto Cady’s waist while she grabs Janis’ neck. They’re only illuminated by the distant streetlights and occasional flash of lightning, and waltzing to the music of the thunder.

Janis thinks she understands after a while. They’re both totally soaked, their clothes dripping and hair clinging to their shoulders. But as she’s held close to her love and staring into her eyes, she feels warmer and safer than she ever has before.

“I love you,” Janis murmurs against Cady’s lips, kissing her tenderly as the raindrops mingle on their cheeks.

“I love you too,” Cady says back. “I can’t wait to marry you.”

Janis smiles against her and scoops her up. Cady squeals in surprise and clings to her tightly as Janis spins them around a few times. Janis tips her face up to see her, and Cady presses their foreheads together to stare into her eyes.

They stay like that for a while, lost in each other while the weather roars around them. After a while, Janis pipes up. “What if it rains tomorrow?”

“Then we’ll dance in it again,” Cady says. “We’ll still be married. We’ll still be with everyone we love. It’ll still be a good day.”

Janis wonders how she found someone so perfect. Little does she know, Cady is wondering the same. They lean in for another kiss at the same time. Janis rests Cady on her feet again and cups her face, while her fiancée holds her waist and inches closer.

“We should-should go in,” Cady says around chattering teeth after a long moment of bliss. “It’s cold out here.”

Janis picks her back up and carries her towards the door. “I’ll keep you warm.”

“You always do,” Cady whispers contently.

She fetches them some towels and clean pajamas and puts their old ones in the dryer. Janis follows her into bed, curling around her in their familiar way. Cady cuddles in close and inhales her comforting scent, this time getting hints of the rain they were just in.

They both drift off with a smile when they remember that this is their new forever, and their last night as just fiancées.

-

Janis wakes up early and sneaks back to her own house, but gets instantly busted by Julie when she comes down for breakfast.

“How was she?” Julie asks.

“What?” Janis asks with mock confusion. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Those aren’t your pajamas, and you definitely didn’t have them on last night. How is Cady?” Juliana insists.

“She’s fine,” Janis says meekly. “You should be a detective.”

“She’s, like, half your size. I don’t have to be a detective to see those pajamas clearly aren’t yours,” Julie says with a chuckle. “Come eat, stupid, it’s your big day.”

“Julie,” their mother chides as she comes down the stairs to join them for breakfast. “How was Cady, baby girl?”

“You too?” Janis asks.

“You’re not exactly sneaky, honey,” their mom chuckles. “I heard you leave. There’s only one place you would’ve gone. Nice pajamas, by the way.”

Janis groans and smacks her head on the table.

————-

Cady starts pacing once Regina finishes her hair and makeup. She looks killer, she has to admit, but the nerves are starting to set in.

“Cades, chill. Talk to me, what’s going on?” Regina says cooly, helping fix a stray curl of Gretchen’s.

“What if… what if she lied? Or she gets up there and realizes she doesn’t want me after all?” Cady says anxiously, drumming her hands against her crossed arms.

“Cady, have you seen the way she looks at you? The way you are together?” Gretchen asks gently. “She’s still head over heels for you.”

“But… but what if-“ Cady tries, this time getting cut off by Karen.

“Cady, listen for a second,” Karen says, remarkably soothingly. Cady calms enough that she stops pacing for a second. “If this wasn’t happening. If you weren’t getting married today, would you have any doubt that Janis loves you, like, a lot? If this was just another day together for you. Would you be this scared?”

“No,” Cady admits.

“It’s just because this is, like, a symbol of permanence or whatever,” Karen shrugs. “You love each other, but this is still kind of a big adjustment for you. It’s okay that you are, but you shouldn’t be scared.”

Cady blinks as she tries to process the words of wisdom from Karen. “I-yeah, okay. Thanks, Karen.”

“You’re welcome! Now come get dressed,” Karen insists happily, brandishing Cady’s outfit for the ceremony.

Cady takes it happily and pulls it on.

—————

Janis is also panicking in another room a little ways away. Damian is chasing her around with his makeup brushes, trying to finish his masterpiece.

“Janjan, at least stop moving,” he begs.

“There’s no point to the makeup because… there’s… I don’t even know! I can’t do it,” Janis says anxiously.

Damian collapses onto the chair formerly occupied by Janis for a break. “Why?”

“What?”

“Why?” Damian repeats. “Why do you think you can’t do it?”

“Because… because she deserves better,” Janis says. “Someone better.”

“But what does she want?” Damian asks. They’ve had this conversation several times since Cady and Janis got together. “Jan. What does Caddy want?”

“Me,” Janis whispers after a beat. “But-“

“Ah! Ah-ah-ah.” Damian interrupts. “What do you want most for Caddy?”

“For her to be happy,” Janis says immediately.

“And who makes her happy?” Damian prompts.

“Me,” Janis admits with a pout.

“Exactly. You are what she deserves. You are her ‘better’. You’re her best, because you both deserve happiness, and that’s what you give each other,” Damian says quietly. “Today is just supposed to celebrate your love. Now sit your ass down so I can make you pretty.”

Janis pouts harder, but does sit back down in her seat and let Damian finish his work.

————-

An hour later, it’s finally time. Damian heads down first, scattering flower petals down the cloth they’re using for an aisle. Everyone chuckles as he does it in his typically dramatic fashion, adding a personal flair to every handful tossed.

He comes back and grabs Aaron, and they head down together, followed by Julie and Gretchen, and then Karen and Regina. Julie runs back down as well, walking Janis down the aisle along with their mom.

Janis grins slightly as she passes the front row and sees the framed photo of her dad next to another framed picture of Cady’s brother, side by side in the empty seats. There’s a rainbow sash draped over each picture frame, to include them both in the ceremony as they should’ve been.

Janis kisses her mom on the cheek as she stands at the altar, and grins at Julie as she heads behind it to prepare. She’s adjusting her white blazer when the music suddenly kicks off again, and she looks down to see Cady coming down the aisle with her parents.

They’re leaving the dresses for the reception since Gretchen had practically begged them to. The dresses took much more time to design and construct, so she wanted them to get as much wear out of them as possible.

But Cady looks absolutely stunning in her tight white pants and top, complete with a cape that accentuates her shoulders. There’s a positively radiant smile on her face as she makes her way to Janis. Cady hugs her parents tightly as they reach the end of the aisle, before coming to stand in front of her fiancée. They join hands instinctively, giving each other little squeezes.

They’re absolutely lost in each other as Julie begins, staring into each other’s eyes and barely hearing the words being spoken and reactions from the crowd. They also miss the prompt to begin their vows. Cady jumps in surprise when Gretchen pokes her in the back and hands over the ring.

Cady takes the ring with her shaky hands and rests it on the tip of Janis’ finger so she doesn’t drop it, pulling some note cards out of her pocket with her other hand. She clears her throat quickly and begins her vows.

“Janis,” Cady says, squeezing Janis’ hands. “My darling, my Bluejay, my love. When you found me in the bathroom all those years ago, I could’ve never imagined that we’d be here today. But I couldn’t be happier that we are.”

Janis squeezes her back and tries to resist the urge to kiss her before they’re allowed to. Cady takes a deep breath as the tears start flowing and continues.

“One of the last big speeches I made was our junior year Spring Fling. That was… a big day for both of us, but anyway. In that speech, I equated our entire graduating class to stars. I stand by it, but I’ve realized something since then. If everyone is a star, then you are my North Star. You’re the one that shines the brightest, and the one I can always count on to be there. But most importantly, you are the star that guides me home. I just have to follow you, and I’m right where I need to be. You are my home. I promise to love you, always. I promise to help you shine when you feel like you can’t, and to guide you home when you feel lost. We’ll be each other’s brightest star. I love you, more than all the stars in the sky.”

Janis sniffles a few times as Cady slides the rest of the ring on and repeats after Julie, processing the most beautiful words she’s ever heard. It’s her turn then, which she’s violently reminded of when Damian jabs her in the back. She straightens abruptly and pulls out her own cards. Janis re-wrote her vows this morning and quite literally ran them by Damian for a proofread, so she’s desperately hoping they’re suitable.

“Cady,” Janis begins. “That’s the first and last time I’m ever going to pronounce your name correctly, so I hope you enjoyed it.”

Cady chuckles thickly around her tears and squeezes her hands. Janis takes a deep breath and continues, trying to keep the shake from her voice.

“I want to take this time to thank you. For loving me even when I eat too much cake, or get drunk and call you in tears because I can’t work out how to paint you. I want to thank you for being my sunshine. For teaching me how to dance in the rain, and for showing me how good it can be. For showing me what it means to be loved, and letting me know how to love you in return. You light up even my stormiest days, by just being there to weather them out with me. You are the only sunshine I’ll ever need, and I promise to return the favor. I can’t promise I’ll be able to help you through everything we’ll ever go through, but I can promise to love you through everything. I promise to be the light when you feel you can’t show yours, and to help you dance in the rain when the clouds won’t part. I love you more than anything under the sun.”

Cady lets out a choked sob as she finishes, and they both quickly fumble through getting her wedding ring on. Julie coaches them through the other vows and ‘I do’s’ and then says the magic words.

“By the power vested in me by an online class I took in ten minutes, I now pronounce you wives. You can kiss,” Julie says, mumbling an “If you must.” Under her breath afterwards.

Cady practically lunges for her, grabbing Janis’ face and pulling her into the most important kiss they’ll ever share. They both pour all the emotions they’re feeling into it, but break apart after just a few seconds to keep things chaste for their families. Janis smiles wider than she ever has before and rests their foreheads together.

“Hi wife,” she whispers contently, glad to finally be rid of the dreaded fiancée title. Cady grins back at her and wraps her arms around her neck.

“Hi wife,” she says back. “We gotta go.”

Janis is snapped back to reality at that, remembering they’re not alone. She grabs Cady’s hand and leads them back down the aisle, together this time. Once they reach the end of it, Cady leaps into her arms. Janis catches her and spins them around joyfully.

“Janis, you’re my wife,” Cady whispers once the dizzying sensation fades.

“And you’re my wife,” Janis says back. “You look so beautiful.”

“So do you,” Cady says. “I can’t wait to see your dress.”

“Then let’s go,” Janis murmurs, kissing her gently and carrying her wife away.

————-

Their moms each help them put their dresses on, since they take just a bit of wiggling. Cady’s is short sleeved, with a tight bodice and a poofy skirt. The top layer is lace, with rainbow flowers around her neckline that fade out into the white around her waist. She feels like a princess.

Janis’ has long lace sleeves, and the whole thing is more uniform. Her skirt is flowy more than poofy, and her rainbow gradient goes the opposite way. She looks like she’s been walking through rainbow flower petals that gradually fade into the white of her dress as you look up. She feels like a fairy.

They decide to do a ‘first look’ now, in their dresses and technically officially married. Each of them hides behind a tree and pops out when Regina, their photographer yet again, gives them the cue.

Cady gasps when she sees her wife and reaches for her eagerly. Janis shuffles over and lets Cady pull her in.

“You’re so beautiful,” Cady murmurs. “Look at you, my love. How did I get so lucky?”

Janis blushes violently and leans down to kiss her. “You look incredible. And you got your swishy skirt.”

“I know, lookit!” Cady says happily, taking a step back and shaking her hips to show off the excellent swish. Janis chuckles lovingly and snatches her back in.

“You’re adorable. Should we go?” Janis asks, kissing Cady’s nose. She distantly registers a flash from the camera.

“Do we have to?” Cady whines quietly. “Can’t I just be alone with my wife?”

Janis grins. “Later. Don’t you want to see if the cake was worth it?”

Cady perks up a little bit at that. “Oh, yeah! Okay, yeah, let’s go.”

————-

Kevin announces their arrival at the reception, which is happening in exactly the same place at the ceremony but with a new massive tent put up to keep away bugs. Surprisingly, Kevin is doing an excellent job. They gave him the rule of ‘no original material’ which has kept them mostly safe. He’s honestly not a bad DJ.

Janis and Cady enter hand in hand to the cheers of their friends and family and head to the floor for their first dance. They chose Tale as Old as Time from Beauty and the Beast, the first song they ever danced to together as a couple way back in high school.

They sway gently around and stare into each other’s eyes. Janis notices Cady whispering things under her breath as they move.

“What are you saying?” She murmurs gently against Cady’s lips.

“I love you,” Cady whispers back. “In all the languages I know. And the ones I don’t.”

Janis smiles at her. “I love you so much. In all the languages I speak.”

“All two?” Cady chuckles. Janis nods.

“And the rest that I don’t. I love you more than any language could say,” Janis murmurs.

“Stop trying to be cuter than me, it’s working too well,” Cady whines. Janis chuckles.

“I’m not trying to, it’s just happening,” she whispers. Cady rolls her eyes but presses in for another kiss. The song comes to an end and they begrudgingly break apart for their parent dances. Janis dances with her mom and sister while Cady dances with her parents. Janis looks almost longingly at the photos of her dad and Rhys. She and Cady wish their whole families could’ve been present, but they’ve definitely felt them around all day.

After the dances it’s time for cake, Janis’ other big reveal. Cady looks very impressed with what she managed to put together. Even after The Incident, Janis went with three tiers. Lemon on the bottom, chocolate fudge cake in the middle, and white on the top. Janis refused to allow fondant anywhere near it, so the cake is covered in white buttercream and has a rainbow of frosting flowers spiraling up the sides diagonally.

Cady pouts when they have to cut into its beauty. They carefully cut out a piece and grab the forks, feeding each other the first bite. They both independently decide to try to smear the first one on each other’s face, but both laugh and actually taste it with the second.

Cady tenderly wipes some stray frosting off of Janis’ cheek and pulls her in for yet another kiss as the party goes on around them. “Today was perfect.”

Janis nods in agreement, kissing her back gently. “It was. I love you, wifey.”

“I love you too, wifey,” Cady giggles. “So much.”

They chat lightly with their guests for a while as everyone dances and celebrates, until Janis notices Cady slip out of the tent alone. Obviously Janis follows.

It’s sprinkling lightly, just barely a drizzle. Cady stands in the center of the clearing and looks up to the sky. Janis gently comes up to hug her from behind so she doesn’t startle her wife.

“Whatcha doing?” She murmurs, kissing up and down Cady’s neck gently. Cady gives a happy shudder and leans back into her.

“Checking for that,” Cady replies, pointing to the sky. Janis is confused until she looks up and sees a rainbow stretching across the sky. “And I needed a minute.”

“There’s two,” Janis realizes after looking for a second. “Look above it.”

“How fitting,” Cady breathes happily, observing the faint second rainbow just barely visible. “Thanks, nature.”

Janis chuckles and kisses her cheek. Cady turns around to face her, resting her head against Janis’ shoulder and starting to dance.

“I said we’d dance in the rain again, now we have to,” she whispers. Janis sways them back and forth as gently as she can, knowing Gretchen would have to be restrained from homicide if they got the dresses muddy. “Your vows were so beautiful.”

“So were yours, did you not see me crying?” Janis giggles. “I wrote mine this morning.”

“Really?” Cady asks, pulling back to see her. “I thought you said you already had them.”

“I did, I wrote them again. After last night in the storm,” Janis says lowly. “Everything just fell into place.”

“It did. I love you,” Cady murmurs. Janis bends down to kiss her.

“I love you too,” she says when they pull back for a second. They lean in again, before Damian throws the door to the tent open to look for them.

“Stop being cute and romantic in private, it’s time for speeches,” he insists. “And watch the dresses, princesses.”

“Okay, okay,” Cady chuckles, letting him haul them both back to their loved ones.

Regina actually goes first, giving a beautiful speech about their journey together and the things they’ve all been through, with a good smattering of jokes peppered throughout. Julie goes next and tells a story of a time when she and Janis were much younger and Janis used to sleepwalk. Julie had, evidently, woken up one night to find her sister wandering around her room and occasionally staring at her. Janis flushes in embarrassment, and then groans when she realizes that Damian is up next.

He goes on for a while, but he’s such an entertaining storyteller that nobody minds. Damian first tells the story of the time Janis accidentally broke his nose in middle school with one punch, which makes Cady look at her with raised eyebrows. Janis knows she’s going to have to tell her more of the story later. Then, Damian moves on to the story of how they rescued Cady and forcibly led her to join their little duo and become the perfect gay-fecta.

He closes with, “I’ve said for years that I’m too gay to function, so I’d never thought I’d love two women so much. Caddy, Janjan, congratulations. And remember the intervention.”

The ending is a little ominous, but Cady and Janis both laugh and clap for him as he steps away from the microphone.

-

The reception continues well into the night, and it’s nearly four in the morning by the time they help each other out of their dresses and fall into bed. Cady cuddles into her wife and stares at the rings adorning their intertwined hands.

Janis relaxes against her and nuzzles in, both of them sighing contently as they have their first married snuggle.

Until Janis suddenly sits bolt upright with wide eyes, startling Cady. “What’s the matter?”

“I’m Josh,” Janis says. “My initials.”

Cady is confused, but then she thinks of Janis’ initials. Janis Olivia Sarkisian-Heron does in fact spell Josh. Cady bursts out laughing as Janis cuddles into her with a whine.

“My poor sweet wife,” Cady giggles hysterically. “You agreed to the name.”

“I didn’t think! I didn’t know it would make me a Josh,” Janis moans.

“Do you want to change it?” Cady says, stroking through Janis’ dark hair and twisting little bits together. Janis shakes her head.

“I can live with it,” Janis sighs. “I like it. It’s our name.”

“I like it too. I’m Cady Jane Sarkisian-Heron now,” Cady replies.

“And someday soon you’ll be Doctor Cady Jane Heron and I get to be your trophy wife,” Janis says happily. Cady bursts into laughter again.

“Wouldn’t I be Doctor Sarkisian-Heron?” She asks once she calms down a bit.

“If you really want to, but I am absolutely not going through all the schooling to get a PhD in math,” Janis says. “The Sarkisian part of you has nothing to do with it. I’m just here for moral support.”

“That’s a good point,” Cady admits. “We should sleep, we have a flight tomorrow.”

“To Africaaaaaaa,” Janis replies, stretching the end as long as she can. Cady giggles and cuddles her closer.

“You’re a goof. I love you,” she whispers, tipping them onto their sides and resting her forehead against her wife’s. Janis pouts at the lack of kisses, so Cady peppers a few on her lips until she’s satisfied.

“I love you too,” Janis murmurs back. “Goodnight wife.”

“Goodnight Josh.”

“Hey!”

-

hope you enjoyed!

request status is still the same, but I am making progress and hope to have them re-opened soon.

thanks for reading!

lots of love,

ezzy

[sebastianshaw]

Meme from "Broad City" quotes

“You said if you were ever going to do same sex experimentation, it was going to be with me.”

"Who would you rather go down on you? Michael Bublé or Janet Jackson?”

“Can Janet Jackson go down on me while Michael Bublé narrates it in song?”

“What’s an Arch de Triumph?”

“It’s when two dudes go down on us, is how I picture it, and they’re butt to butt and then you and I do Oprah hands.”

“I really don’t feel like going into work today.”

"Great, I’ll see you in 30 days then. . . biiiiitch.”

“Maybe your dad should have pulled out.”

“I need someone for the amazing race because my mom just pulled out.”

“I also have business with the bank. I’d like to cash these nickels, and I’ll have them in quarters, please. Thank you so much.”

“I’m a sexual X-Man. I’m Wolverine. I’m Vulvarine!”

"Oh my Lady God, thank you!"

“The vagina is nature’s pocket. It’s natural and responsible.”

“I would take you on my shoulders – like I’d strap you up and be like, ‘Let’s go through helllll.’”

“I’m not sexually aroused, I’m fiscally aroused.”

“That’s literally a one stop pussy shop. I love it!”

“I finally figured out my eyebrows, They’re sisters, not twins.”

“Four R’s, my friend-- Reduce, Reuse, Recycle, Rihanna.”

“Statistically we’re headed toward an age where everybody’s going to be, like, caramel and queer.”

“I’m an adult and I’m responsible. Let’s go get some candy.”

“I finally masturbated above the covers without my eyes being closed.”

“I just want to get home and watch my shows.”

"You just pulled a bag of pot out of your vagina."

"Do you ever get hair from your head stuck in your buttcrack in the shower?"

"I'm still not over Amy Winehouse."

"I can't really imagine what it's like for people with blue eyes."

"This isn't a sugar daddy thing. This is just an old established guy paying for his younger friend who he also has sex with kind of thing."

"You're like 12, right?"

"I love me some dumplings. It's like a squirrel clutch with a meatball in it."

"I was so worried I baked a whole cake and then I ate a whole cake."

"In da clerb, we all fam."

"I know you from your ass better than I know your face."

"I respect you respecting me."

"You know what's cool about this party? We're the sexiest girls here."

"I'll pick up your poop. You're worth it."

"This is what living on the edge looks like."

"You got beauty. You got brains. You're a fucking genius. Do you wanna kiss?"

"You look sexy and vivacious and artsy and, like, young-wife material but, like, taut and teasy still. It's a perfect combo."

“Witches aren’t monsters, they’re just women! They’re fucking women who cum and giggle and play in the night. And that’s why everybody wants to set them on fire ‘cause they’re so fucking jealous."

"YAS KWEEN!"

“I AM NOT A MOM!”

"You never know if you never try and if you never try you never know."

“I’m only 27, what am I? A child bride?”

"You have been busting my balls all day over a sahaaaandwich shahooppe?!"

"I don’t watch anything but solo porn because regular porn is like, “Shut up, little girl! Wash my feet!” And she’s like "uhhh don’t tell my dad ok? Because I’m just barely legal. I love shaved pubes and tanned, crispy bellies and taints.” It’s like ugh!"

"I don’t have any money. I’m a wittle baby."

“Buckle up, buttercup”

"Money is a mind control technique that used to quantify the progress of the patriarchy!"

"Nose, vagina, butthole. If God didn’t want us to put our fingers up then then why did She make them perfectly finger sized ?"

"I’ll see you when u wake up, and if you don’t wake up I’ll still see you cause I’m gonna kill myself and meet you in heaven or whatever.”

"If you train your eyes, you can see their religion”

“I know it’s like “pwease Mr. Cwusty old white man, can I pwease keep my ovaries?” Alright bitch you better vote, text me when you do”

“I mean we had been together how long, and I still never saw nipples?”

“OOPS I guess I don’t know my own strength”

“Pillows are nature’s packing peanuts!”

“The student has become the teacher!”

"This is some high class shit."

"It's 2014. Anal is on the menu."

"Where ISN'T the bathroom?"

"I was cyberbullied within an INCH of my life last night"

“I saw your tweets and I wanted to check you out but I also wanted to respect your space”

"I am going to respect your dick later."

“You’re my lil cupcake”

“I once ate a corn on the cob. Including the cob”

"Ugh, who YELLS?"

"GET OFF THE BALLS AND GO!"

"Wanna get, like, a bunch of hot dogs?"

"Did you draw that painting?"

“You have to swipe yaas, you can’t swipe naas.”

“I fucked you in the ASS the first night we did ANYTHING. I think that’s pretty fuckin mature."

"Well aren't you a hot diggity dog and a scalawag to boot?"

"In the club, we are all family. Are you racist?"

“Welcome to Florida, America’s droopy dick”

"This is the men's room. Uh DOIIII!"

“You’re so full of shit I need a plunger."

“Thank you SO much for calling me a star”

"I'm an adult. I should be buying my own pot."

"Coat racks AREN'T for babies!"

"My biggest weakness is that I lose my purse a lot. But my biggest strength is that I always get it back."

"I like to call it jazz becomes it comes out of my horn, and you never know where it's gunna go."

"White people do that dog thing. Black people don't make out with dogs."

"Next thing you know you're pregnant with his sperm and he's sanding down your headboard shirtless."

"We are garbage people living on garbage island!"

"I didn't know you had a veneer and I'm in that mouth on a regular basis."

"I'm not putting weed up inside of me because I'm an adult and I'm responsible."

"I really think you should put your weed in your front hole."

“We’re technically homeless right now.”

"Your ass looks incredible."

"Your ass looks incredible. Your head and body too. But we all know who’s the star of the show here.”

“Who am I? Honey, I have a cyst on my uterus and I need to get fucked until it pops.”

“You want me to FaceTime from the bathroom?”

“Dude, I would follow you into hell, brother!”

“Well, you are funny.”

"Animated movies are where it's at. They're like visual crack."

"All Hollywood media is porn, and all porn is kiddie porn. We live in a rape culture. We just do."

"Who would leave weed in a wall? A weed genius. And she'd leave it there indefinitely in case of emergency."

"Isn't it nuts that pickles were cucumbers? They're the trans people of the vegetable community."

"We are an incredible team and I love you."

"Smart and sexy. She is unreal, this girl."

"I've been overeating this week."

"How DARE you LIE to your WIFE?!"

"Do I or do I not have herpes?"

"Follow your third eye--your clit."

"It's my birthday, I'M KING OF THE WORLD!"

"I mean, the female form---God's hottest creation."

"You have to respect the sanctity of the RSVP."

"Okay, something seems very locked up inside of you."

"You have a way of tainting everything I love."

"I'm gonna be like a successful artist any day now."

"Yeah, I don't wanna rise and grind anymore. I wanna rise and then like lay back down."

"It's like we knew it would happen but we didn't do anything about it."

"ADRENALINE!"

"To be honest, I'm really happy with the way I look."

"WANNA FOOK?"

"Never have I ever read a newspaper."

"This is what living on the edge looks like."