#oh boy bears got another hyperfixation

[bear-cubs-art-things]

this bitch just finished Gravity Falls and i'm going to draw fanart maybe post it here and watch the series all over again.

[the-therapist-is-ace]

(VERY LONG POST!!!)

Hello everyone!

I'm sorry for the people that follow me for other things than BATIM because this is my new hyperfixation at the moment, please bear with me xD

I suddenly decided to share my ideas about some BATIM AU I had for... a while since BATDR just came out and the fandom is back from the dead x)

So basically this is a Power AU. With everyone of the main cast having particular abilities. (I actually had the idea from the fanfiction "Magic cleaner is more than just an advertisment" by @hello-im-not-a-possum on Ao3, go check it out it's awsome!) I just thought it would be funny because why not xD

Those with powers are: Henry, Joey, Wally, Jack, Sammy, Susie, Norman, Thomas and Allisson. Let's go in that order!

Henry Stein: Do I really have to say? Bringing drawings to life of course!

Pre-Ink: At the beginnig it wasn't much; just a little drawing moving on the page here and there. That's actually what gave Joey the inspiration to start cartoons, seeing his old friend's drawings moving on their own on the pages. But when begining animating Bendy, and by his love for the characters he created, it started to become stronger. Strong enough that the Little Devil Darling would sometimes pop up to reality with his friends for several hours in a row. That is until he got drafted for the war and left the studio. As the years passed by after the war, he discovered that he could even manipulate at the manner of an elemental bender the ink. But it wasn't really strong; just enough to make some shapes and forms when he had trouble visualizing an idea. His powers continu to grow after he returned home, but he became a master at hiding them.

In the Cycle: Joey sealed away (I'll get to it on his part) almost all of his powers before throwing him in the Cycle. He knows that Henry have the strongest magic out of everyone in the Studio, so he went through several sealing and bending rituals before sending him in it. But even that wasn't enough, because Henry can still do a few things; the Golden Ink is one of them. He can create it, manipulate it, make it last for as long as he want, and hide them from Joey's view. He's also capable of using the globs of ink to shape them in the form he need them to -there's no handy machines like in the game in this AU, Henry do that all by himself-. And despite Joey's attempts, he's little by little breaking free from the script's influence...

Joey Drew: Devil's deals and rituals. He can make rituals -often satanics but can be both... well could be at the beginning- contracts and deals with people and they CAN'T go against it after "signing" them. He can also easily persuade them if he feel a weakness in their heart.

Pre-ink: Nothing too bad -compared to what he did next- using his deals and contracts to make sure the Studio and Bendy were growing and becoming more popular and loved. Henry was often his impulse control and moral compass. At that time he would never had the idea of using his powers against Henry.

After Henry left: Oh boy. He took it BADLY. He made a deal with GENT Corporation to create the Ink Machine as a way to "replace" Henry's talent, and to prove to him that the Studio didn't need his "temporary bringing the characters to life"; after all the Ink Machine would bring them to life FOR GOOD.

We all know how that sorted out though. -he had to make a deal to every employees to forbiding them to quit-. However, seeing his former -magical- employees having a (very understandable) grudge against him, he made another deal this time with the Machine itself to trap its ink-corrupted inhabitants locked up: by reducing and warping their powers into something else entierly, something twisted. Exploiting a weakness in their minds to bend them and theirs powers. However, a time loop isn't a type of magic that he could hide from magic users, even as weaken as can be. So after throwing Henry in the Cycle to torture him, he made sure that they would forget the loops. But against Henry's magic it's starting to wear off...

Wally Franks: -I took the idea from hello-Im-not-a-possom fic here ^^'- Telekinesis Fantasia style. Only on cleaning supplies and light objects in general; he's still young, it needs time to develop and he's happy for now with the janitor job.

Pre-Ink: Was absolutely oblivious about why every magical people he could feel and see in the studio were trying their damnest to hide theirs powers from the CEO of the place (to each other's too, but not as much as Joey). Wally personally didn't have a problem to admit that he had magic on his own when Drew caught him in the act -it was the equivalent in real life of the Fantasia scene really; brooms, buckets, rags and feather duster flying around in an organized chaos- because he figured that ("Well he got magic on his own! Can't be all that bad right?") He's the one that accidentally revealed the existence of magic to Joey. (well the existence of his employees' magic) He's also one of the very firsts that Drew made the deal to be unable to leave with. So despite what he loved to say, he couldn't even with his magic "get outta here!"

In the Cycle: He's the one that Joey reduced the most. In a Boris body (this is my AU again) he was unable to cast any spell; he's one of the most vulnerable and sensitive to magic now. But it doesn't stop him from being able to change some of his cards to another color or shape in his games with Henry (to this day he had never been caught.) As time pass by though, he have a nagging feeling that he should... Get away from this place... And it's only getting stronger.

Jack Fain: This one doesn't really have a precise name for it. Jack is a litteral muse; mostly to Sammy but he can inspire others musicians and artists if he write lyrics -or poems-. He brings inspiration and motivation wherever he goes, and as such everyone in the Studio appreciate him.

Pre-Ink: He was just the geniune positive energy of all the studio. No matters the crazy deadlines, the inhumane amount of work, or later on the pipes bursting everywhere, Jack Fain always had a smile and tried to give everyone the strenght and will to continu creating. His lyrics never failed to move the audience, and together with Sammy they gained several awards. (all under Joey Drew's name however...) His powers weren't visibles; he was the one that gave everyone creativity behind the scene, the strenght to move forwards and continu despite it all. He wasn't the animator that could bring the drawings into the real world, nor was he the janitor who make brooms and buckets fly to clean after hours. He was the quiet voice in the back of your mind that whisper to you a new idea or a new song. As such, Joey didn't think it was necessary to twist his powers more than the ink did.

In the Cycle: It's more or less the same but without a lot of his memories from his life before the Studio. Asides the moments with Sammy it's pretty blurry. But since there's not really a lot of people to inspire these days (oustide of Sammy when he was lucid enough to remember how to compose) he's quite powerless. But even in his form of a Searcher, he can still bring a bit of joy and strenght to the others Searchers and the Lost Ones that are under Sammy's wing back at the village.

Sammy Lawrence: Can be seen as telekinesis as well, but stronger than Wally's; if he's angry enough (which already happened) he can throw a person across the room with a wave of his conductor stick (it was Joey.) Technically it's more wind control. It's a tangible force that you can feel contrary to Wally's telekinesis.

Pre-Ink: Prodigy. In music and magic both, the guy was already capable of playing an entiere orchestra with his magic at the age of seventeen. He is seen as one of the strongest air-bender (not the last one thankfully) of the century in the element-bending community. As such he didn't had friends in said-community. He left them to meet his best friend, and musical partner Jack. He used his powers several times when Joey's deadlines weren't humanly possible (he prefer to have the band rehearsal his songs before recording them though; he already wrote songs that were impossible to play without magic before. Only realizing when the band looked at him with bewildered eyes when seeing the sheets he had written.) While he very much did not tell outright that he was an air-bender, he didn't tried to hide him from the band members, Jack, Susie or Norman -well Norman was more him discovering Sammy's abilities because he's just spying on everyone than Sammy telling Norman-.

After Susie was fired and Jack went "missing", he went to confront Joey about it. Only to get drugged without his knowledge by an ink coffee served by his boss (I don't believe you can get dependent by only having an ink pipe burst above your head and some drips of ink getting in your mouth sorry ^^') and got bend by a deal at the end of it. Joey wasn't stupid; he knew that Sammy's magic wasn't going to be weaken and twisted as easily as the others; so he went to poison him slowly but surely to erode them.

In the Cycle: His air-bending abilities were completely burried under the corruption of the ink. Now, his connection with the Ink Demon and the Searchers is taking all of his capacity. He can feel when the Ink Demon is coming and hear him talk; call upon the Searchers and communicate with them, ordering them to attack or not, as well as the Lost Ones. All of this as in the game. The only trace of his wind abilities is his capacity to walk through walls. And the feeling that his mind is trying to fly away from the ink trapping it. And what's with the deja vue feeling?

Susie Campbell: There isn't a real name for her powers either; it's more or less emotion-based. If she's happy, her voice -especially when she's singing- will send you a feeling of happiness as well; when she is sad, you will feel upset upon hearing her. And when she's angry... well if she was angry enough at someone, the nearest people around her would have taken a swing at that person's face. She brings emotions to people by mere hearing.

Pre-Ink: Nothing really out of the ordinary at first; the voice actress was appreciated and loved by everyone. She was with Jack, the sweetest person there is in the Studio, as well as the one that bring the most emotions in her acting. Nobody realized exactly that she had power, until she was -for an episode- rehearsing a song where Alice was angry about the latest prank Bendy had pulled on her. The acting was perfect! So much so that the other voice actor voicing Bendy started to get angry at the toon demon, under everyone's confusion. Upon seeing that, Susie immediatly apologized ans shyly explained that it was probably because of her.

However... The day she was fired, everyone remembered it. She was so upset, angry and betrayed that the music department didn't got out unscathed.

In the Cycle: Joey took the opportunity to use Susie's despair as a way to persuade her to make a deal with him; to become Alice. She accepted, and we all know how that played out. With the ink corruption, her voice cannot make people feel emotional anymore. But she gained something in exchange; the ability to lure people with it, like a true siren, and to put them in a transe... However an Angel is patient. And Susie shall wait for her time to take control back of her twisted body, which she was forced to share with a corrupted version of the character she loved.

Norman Polk: Darkness/Shadow manipulation, and noctural vision.

Pre-Ink: Norman definitely didn't tell his coworkers his abilities. Firstly because he didn't want to be called out for his sneaking habit, and secondly because his element doesn't really have the best reputation. The only things you hear about shadow-benders are how cruel they are of stealing light away, how creepy it is for them to roam around in the darkness and how they are all secretly serial killers. Not the best resume to work at an animation studio, you'll admit. However, he used his abilities a lot; he fused with the shadows when he heard something that he wanted to investigate, turn off the lights in the Studio with a mere snap of his fingers -nobody understood what the heck was going on until Joey investigate throughly every employees' abilities before using the Ink Machine- and of course, played a lot of pranks by suddenly making a projector that he had previously covered the lense with his powers, go off. So for an outsider's point of view the projector suddenly turned on without anyone near it. (he scared a lot of animators that day).

In the Cycle: After he eavesdropped a particularly worrying conversation between Thomas Connor and Joey Drew about the Ink Machine, he got caught, without him noticing himself. Before he could warn others however, Joey called him in his office and used a binding circle to keep him in place before decapitating him. As with Henry, Drew used a lot of seals, and others rituals to reduced and corrupt Norman's abilities; but since dark-benders are not bend by the usual spells as others elementals, Joey had the idea of using its own opposite: light. He switched Norman's head with a projector, and activated the Machine. Then the Projectionnist was born; forced to see only in the limited range of its own light. A perfect way to make his former employee unable to use his magic.

But since he refused to lose his mind that easily despite the ink's influence, Joey directly throw his soul in the -ironically- darkest depths of the puddles, leaving his body a roaming dangerous husk. But a shadow-bender soul's isn't going to be imprisonned in the darkness eternally. Especially with a new golden light in the Studio...

Thomas Connor: Metal manipulation. More particulary morphing it into a different form.

Pre-Ink: As part of the GENT Corporation, he used his powers on a regular basis. Touching some pole of metal to change it for a wrench, use it for a few screw loose, then change it back to a pole... Oh he need a screwdriver? Another touch ans here you go! His colleagues liked to call him "portable toolkit" but that was it. But he didn't used them nearly as much as when GENT had this new client: Joey Drew. The man clearly had powers of his own, and not pretty ones from what he saw. But that's the thing: while he made that Machine, when that... thing came from it, and what Joey decided to do afterwards... Well Thomas was here. Saw everything. And metal morphing capacities or not, against pentagrams, rituals and bending spells he didn't stand a chance.

In the Cycle: As a Boris clone like Wally, he really don't have a lot to work with either; however, even if the ink had weakened his powers greatly, it didn't changed them... Too much. He can't change metal that he's touching anymore, but he have a mechanical arm. And THIS he can act upon. He can morph it however he please, however he can't solidify it more (which led to many broken arm but he never complained). But that's enough to protect his dear Allisson. Poor Allisson that don't remember anything... He will protect her. Through all those blasted loops. Mark his words Mister Joey Drew.

Allisson Pendle: Waves control. It's a seperate branch of magic users who decend from the air-benders, specified in airwaves. In Allisson's case, it's mostly about soundwaves.

Pre-Ink: Allisson didn't used her magic much, asides from messing with Tom when they were working away from each other. She used airwaves to carry sweet loving messages, whispered teases, or reminders that he forgot something. She was honestly a bit surprised that the Music Director was an air-bender (quite powerful too, or so she heard. Then again rumors have a tendency to being exagerated -she quickly changed her mind seeing him sending Joey flying with a movement however-) but she didn't try to pry. Air-benders and the decendants of mutations in their magic weren't exactly friends after all. So they kept their distances -after Susie's replacement it was for the best- until Joey came to her. Asking her a little favor some years after the Studio closed for good, and that the majority of the employees had either quit or dissapeared.

In the Cycle: As she doesn't remember anything, her magic isn't something she reclaimed back from the ink. As such, Joey didn't even take the hassle of twisting it to a weaker version of it. But as the loops are passing and Henry's influence more and more the script, Drew might realize he made a mistake...

And it's all detailled! It took me ages to finish this xD

If you have questions about it, my ask is opened! I'm in the middle of my BATIM hyperfixation, I'd love to talk about it xD (Also no, I didn't really took the books in consideration sorry)

[vampstel]

I fell asleep. Anyway, here’s an infodump about my two boys (Lawrence + Rei) and their experiences with being neurodivergent. I’ll talk about my other neurodivergent characters a different day :P

Lawrence

He’s autistic. He was diagnosed in his late 20s. He was evaluated once in the late 90s as a preteen but all his behaviours either flew under the radar or were dismissed as quirks.

Sadly got bullied a lot in his school years due to being different but his parents were very supportive (his mother being autistic herself but not being diagnosed either). Thus, he has a lot of trust issues and some trauma he still needs to process.

He’s very blunt and can’t lie to save his life. This has gotten him in trouble many times and most people keep their distance away from him since they deem him rude and intimidating (“but he’s a sweetheart he really is please trust me” - Rei, probably)

He’s absolutely oblivious to nonverbal cues and social cues. Doesn’t understand societal norms and thinks they’re ridiculous. Also, he takes things too literally.

Used to mask as a child to try to fit in but stopped once he got older. He doesn’t give a shit anymore what people think and that’s very cool of him

His special interests are history, music, and cats. He only infodumps when people ask him to but BOY is he passionate when he does. That’s probably the only time you’ll get to see him being expressive otherwise his tone is flat and he looks either bored or angry.

He has sensory issues, has misophonia and can’t handle staying in crowded places. He absolutely despises when people talk too loudly or when voices overlap one another. He gets headaches because of this. He also can’t stand certain tactile textures and food textures. Shoutout to overly crispy food, he hates them with a burning passion.

He regularly stims and isn’t ashamed of it. He mostly stims due to boredom and stress, but occasionally does it when he feels extremely positive emotions. Twirling his hair, drumming his fingers, and spinning anything in his hands are his most common stims. You often see him doing them while he works. I think I mentioned this before but he’s skilled at spinning his conductor’s baton because of this

He’s touch averse but also touch starved which is a great combination that I personally suffer from myself. He gets uncomfortable when strangers touch him but he’s fine with family members and close friends touching him. He is particularly very touchy with Rei and basically makes the raven his weighted blanket or teddy bear at night

When he gets overstimulated, he often leaves the room and isolates himself to try to calm down. If he’s burntout, he takes a few days off work just to indulge in his interests and relax.

Rei

He has ADHD, was diagnosed in his early to mid 20s but is unmedicated because the medications he tried didn’t help him and negatively affected his health. His father, Yuuma, also has ADHD and was diagnosed late in his life. Yuuma is very supportive and helps Rei as much as he can.

He struggled a lot in school, mostly due to deadlines and his workload. He would’ve been top of his class hadn’t it been for the fact he often doesn’t do his homework or projects (and he was a literal delinquent when he was 14 so…)

He had a lot of peculiar hyperfixations and did a lot of hobbies before sticking to art and music. Due to this, he’s got a lot of skills most people don’t know about. Did I ever mention this man was good at fencing?

He suffers a lot with executive dysfunction and burnout. There are days, sometimes even months where he can’t work or do anything and the only thing he can do to cope is to gradually get back into things or just do nothing at all.

He has sensory issues. He has misophonia and gets really bad migraines when it gets triggered. He often has his noise cancelling headphones because of this.

He’s always in a state of overstimulation or understimulation. No inbetween. He’s gotten so used to it that he just rolls with it. Oh yeah, and he forgets to take care of himself. He’s just like me fr fr

He has insomnia because he overthinks a lot. He used to have meds but grew tolerance to it and the other meds he tried only made him oversleep. His current medication is Lawrence. I’m not joking. His brain turns off once he cuddles with his husband at night.

His main hyperfixations are art, music, and the occult. This man can talk about his fixations unprompted and won’t shut up about them at all. He gets really embarrassed about it afterwards and apologizes

He stims a lot to stay focused or grounded. Often pacing around the room (only when he’s alone), bouncing his leg, or spinning/clicking his pens (which pisses Lawrence off to no end which makes Rei do it even more LMAO)

He can’t and never has a schedule. He has a general idea of things he wants to do on a day to day basis, but never sticks to it completely and prefers to have a flexible schedule.

And there you have it. Both my faves are neurodivergent, who would’ve guessed. I don’t talk about them being nd a lot cause it isn’t a big focus in the story but it IS integral to them since you can see their traits and how it affects them. Especially with Lawrence. That poor man can’t take a break.

[aceofwhump]

Guys

The Weeping Monk.

The Weeping Monk has become my new obsession. I love him. I knew I would because seeing all the gifs of him in tumblr is why I watched in the first place I didn't not expect for him to capture my interest so much. It's not the strongest hyperfixation I've ever had but it is one nonetheless and I'm thrilled. Welcome the list of "Ace's Favorite Whumpees"!!

SPOILERS ALERT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously I got ramble and let some spoilers loose so if you want to watch it still and don't want spoilers just keep scrolling

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So not only is Daniel Sharman fucking gorgeous but Daniel Sharman looking like this?

With the eyes and the hood and the darkness and the scruff. Oh hell yeah! He's like some omen of death with that cloak. I love it.

So why do I like the Weeping Monk so much?

Well first of all I LOVE A GOOD REDEMPTION STORY!!!!! Like so much! I blame Zuko for that. But if you give me a bad dude who's done some bad shit but also has one hell of a traumatic past then put him on a path of redemption and healing? I’M SOLD! And at the end of the season, The Weeping Monk has been set on his redemption beginnings and I will die if Netflix doesn't give us a season 2 so I can see this boy walk his new path towards redemption and healing. I crave it.

But anyway. This man right here. The emotional angst and whump he exudes is so lovely.

Towards the end of the season we find out that he's Fey and I fucking lost my shit. This boy is a Fey who was raised by the people who hate Fey. His people were killed and he was taken as a child by the same people who murdered them. He was then brainwashed to believe he was demon born and evil and a sinner purely for existing and was taught to punish himself for it (he whips himself in a form of self flagellation!) and I'm sure he was punished for all sorts of things growing up by his "Father". The amount of self hate and self doubt he must feel breaks my heart. He knows he's Fey! He remembers his real name (also that reveal sent me to another plane of existence) so he must have some memories of his family and his people. But he's spent his whole life being used as a weapon against his own people and brainwashed into thinking he was saving them because fey are inherently damned. And that's all he is to the Red Paladins. A weapon. But he sees them as his people, his family because that's all he knows!

This dude is so broken and brainwashed and lost it just breaks my heart.

LOOK AT HIM!! Look at this lost and broken boy!! He just needs some love and affection dammit!! I mean he flat out asks "Do you love me Father?" AHHH!!

And oh my god this conversation between him and Gawain?!

Allow me to share the whole conversation because I need to talk about it.

Gawain: Don’t be afraid Ash Man. I don’t bite. It’s those eyes. The mark of the Ash Fold. There haven’t been any in these lands for centuries. How did you find your way here? Have you just come to watch me die?

The Weeping Monk: Why didn’t you tell them? Before...you could have told them. But you didn’t. Why?

G: Because all Fey are brothers. Even the lost ones

WM: This suffering, it will cleanse you.

G: You parrot these words, but you know it’s all lies. I can feel it in you, my brother.

WM: You are not my brother.

G: They have turned your mind so far inside out...that you don’t know the difference between kindness...and hate. Who did this to you?

WM: We are saving souls. Your soul.

G: Tell that to the little ones that you burn.

WM: I don’t harm the children

G: You burn their homes, you slay their mothers and their fathers, and you watch your Red Brothers run them down on horses. And you see it all through those weeping eyes. That makes you guilty. Brother! You can fight. I’ve never seen anything like it. You could be our greatest warrior. Your people need you.

WM: You are not my people.

G: Then tell them. If this is where you belong, tell them what you are.

WM: I’ll pray for you.

G: And I you.

First of all this conversation is the reason I now ship these two. Just saying. Gawain saw that he was kin, that he was lost, that he was broken and reached out to try and help him even though he is the reason he is being tortured. I can’t with these two! But also, the WM felt guilty about turning him in and worried about his own fate but you can tell that Gawain’s words sink in and set something inside of him and it’s because of Gawain that WM is now on this path of his. AND Gawain! I fully expected him to hate this man after everything hes done but he saw a lost and broken fey brother and tried to help him and I just...Gawain is so good you guys! This whole exchange is just *chefs kiss*. Cause after this the WM saves Squirrel.

Which leads me to Squirrel and the Weeping Monk. The other reason I desperately need season 2 is because I can't wait to see this unexpected pairing. I mean come on, big bag tough guy with trauma becomes unexpectedly joined with a young child? Best trope ever. Plus he got his ass kicked pretty bad and I need season 2 start off with that so I can see Squirrel take care of this injured man. Anyway, these two are going to have a great adventure getting back to the Fey and I NEED TO SEE IT!!! I want to see Squirrel and Lancelot bond and Squirrel defend him against Fey who hate him and for Lancelot to reluctantly become attached and defensive of this Fey boy and AHHHHHH!!

Oh and side note: One of my favorite tropes occurred. Defeated in battle, manhandled to their knees and hood pulled off revealing their bruised and bloody face. God yes please.

Time for some headcanons:

Okay he's totally touch starved am I right? This boy hasn't known a kind touch in his whole life. Pain is all he's known. The Paladins only touch to punish him or wield him. And he thinks he deserves it. He deserves the pain. The punishment. But kindness? A soft touch? Someone tending his injuries gently? He doesnt know what to do it that. He ends up stiffening or flinching away from the blinds hands of the fey, confused at first but slowly he starts to crave that kind touch.

Squirrel is always hugging him. Like whenever he sees him. And WM doesnt know what the fuck to do with that. You think he ever for hugged? I DOUBT IT! So hes all stiff and awkward and kind of bears it but after a while he starts hugging back kind of awkwardly.

Oh and speaking of tending his injuries I can almost guarantee that he has either had to tend to his own injuries in the past or he didn't do anything for them at all. But he's in a Fey camp now and the Fey help each other so when he and squirrel first show up at the camp and a he's taken to a healer and at first he balks and is like "I'm fine" but people like Pym and Squirrel and Gawain (YES GAWAIN! I have thoughts hang on) are like clearly you're not so just sit down before fall down again and let Pym heal you! AND then we get a scene of them all seeing the scars and fresh lashes and being horrified

Okay Gawain. He's not dead and he and Lancelot become best bros (or lovers cause I kind of ship them so much. Forget Nimulot. It's Gawain and Lancelot all the way) and Gawain protects him from the Fey who want to kill him after Squirrel and Lancelot arrive at the makeshift Fey camp and he's taken prisoner. Gawain watches him and see his humanity and goodness and self hate and trauma and Lancelot has someone who sees him as a "brother" as someone lost but not irredeemable and they fall in love okay bye

His powers as one of the Ash Folk. We know he can track. But from what we saw what if he's also got some camouflage or healing abilities hes never explored. NEVER EXPLORED BECAUSE HE THOUGHT IT A MANIFESTATION OF HIS INNER DEMON!!!

Also, I saw these two onset pics and now I'm ready for this to be s2 WM and Squirrel.

Okay rant over. Sorry. Bye now ✌

[ourstarscollided]

jatp fanworks appreciation - day 1 (writers)

motivation - so in true me fashion and my aversion to brevity, i've made three (3) posts (see also artists, gifs/edits) to celebrate the wonderful people in this fandom who have made my jatp tumblr experience what it is; a community of people who simply shout into the void about their love of a ghost band and their fearless female leader. i've enjoyed simply being on the sidelines admiring everyone's love for the show, but i thought this would be a good time to really show my appreciation for all these wonderful people, because if i've learned anything from this pandemic, it's that there is NEVER a wrong time to tell someone that they are simply ✨the best✨.

disclaimer: i don't interact with most of these people personally and i simply absorb their content from afar and scream about how wonderful they are in the tags.

This list kind of became a fic rec, so if you're looking for some wonderful fics to read (or reread), I've also included my favs from the author here as well.

Okay this is gonna get a little long so please bear with me. But I just wanted to preamble this by saying that the fanfiction written by the jatp fandom is what resparked my love for reading fiction after about 3-4 years of not reading for leisure (be an adult they said. it'll be fun they said.). So I'm really grateful for that? I don't interact with a lot of people, just because it makes me a little anxious, but I will constantly yell about your content in the tags as if I were on a set of bleachers with a megaphone.

I also know there are so many wonderful fic writers out there (on Tumblr and not on Tumblr) that make amazing pieces of work, and this is just a tiny peek into that, and is not at all conclusive.

Without further ado here are some writers who live rent free in my head, in alphabetical order, so feel free to just skip to your name to avoid my rambling:

@bluefirewrites -> your Merry Ex-Mas fic had me on the edge of my seat every single time you updated. I am so in love with how you wrote the characters into this and at how many words you churned out for this fic. This was filled with so much adventure, and it was really welcome during a time when the world wasn't allowed to travel. And I simply love all the other drabbles and fics you write, but I especially enjoy the hilarity of Ray Molina, Crime Scene Photographer and Matchmaker.

@captainkippen -> I'm pretty sure Love Drunk was one of the first fics I ever read in this fandom. Your stories and your writing feel so goddamn real and I find myself so immersed in the worlds that you've created. I have reread most of your jatp fics and I still manage to find myself stupidly grinning at my phone each time. Your stories flow so easily and are such perfect characterizations of the characters we know from the show, but elevated to fit into your verse. I cannot say enough how wonderful your writing is and how talented you are!! (also a slight nudge that I am still very much following along with The Key and the Crown and I hope you continue it!)

@catty-words -> Your???? Exhaustive??? Music??? Lists???? The amount of work and dedication and microanalyzing that you put into pulling out every detail from each scene is so admirable. You not only manage to find the details, but you also give us EVIDENCE via your intricately selected gifs. You could've just put the video of the performance, but no, you take your time to find that specific 1 second shot to emphasize your point. And your little fics that you sometimes throw out into the world? They're so beautiful, and so fun to read and I enjoy them so much! (I am STILL screaming about this band's a snack) Thank you for validating my yelling in the tags, and for feeding my hyperfixation to this show. (I'm sad these lists are ending soon, but it's about the journey ya know?)

@lydias--stiles -> I don't even know what to say here because I've yelled so much about your fics that I feel like there's really nothing else to yell. Your Road Trip AU was also one of the first ones I read in this fandom, and really just made me go absolutely feral. Pretty sure I absorbed the rest of your fics in an ungodly amount of time and I just simply think you are incredibly skilled and talented. Every time you post a new fic I always wonder what it's like to be in your head because the ideas you come up with are so unique and so well thought out. Thank you for all the art you create for this show, I will constantly be in awe of you. (Special shoutout to the 5+1 fic that became a 31 chapter monster)

@pearlcaddy -> This list would not be complete if I didn't mention you. First of all, thank you for suggesting this wonderful week, it has been so lovely to see so much love being spread around today. Secondly, I never thought I'd find myself reading a Buffy or a Wizarding World crossover fic, considering I know nothing about those two things. And yet I found myself on various nights after work at 3 in the morning just silently screaming and/or crying into my phone. Your writing is so insane. Your world building is so insane. Your banter/dialogue is insane. The way you capture the love between Julie/Luke in different universes is so perfect. Thank you for gifting us these beautiful pieces of art, and I hope you know that you have at least made one person (me) a very happy reader. I also really admire your dedication to "this will only be a oneshot", only to write like 4 other POVs for it. (Special shoutout to 100 Bad Days)

@ruzek-halstead -> Literally every single fic you have written lives rent free in my head. The way you've managed to build this universe of different Julies and Lukes, and each one still captures the essence of them is astounding. You've extended their characters beyond what we know from the show and I am just in awe of everything you write. Please know that dead of night is both triggering to me and yet the most hilarious thing I have read. (Special shoutout to the Fake Dating Christmas AU and of course the Cinderella Story AU)

@serendipitee -> Your stories and your writing are absolutely magical. I think Write It Down was one of the first multi-chapter fics that I followed super closely and whenever you updated, I would literally drop what I was doing and read it instantly. You have such a way of building the plot and the characters for all of your fics and drabbles, and making the reader just want more. Please know that I am so obsessed with Oh, She Waltzed With the Dead and I cannot wait to see where you take the story!

@sunsetcurbed -> I have no words for your writing. I am simply in awe every time I read something from you. The way you've got down Alex and Willie's voice to a tee is so crazy good. You write their characters and their stories with such grace and care, especially with how you approach the topic of mental health. Thank you for all the research you do and for also writing in your own experiences. I literally binged the Princes Diaries AU during work and lost a good half day to it, and I regret nothing because that fic left me in SHAMBLES. I secretly adore the way you say you're going to keep a fic short, and end up writing an insane amount of words for it. (I have not yet left my obligated long-ass comment on Chapter 4 of the College AU yet because I am still processing the fate/destiny concept.)

@tangledstarlight -> Gahh. Rosie. Please. This is going to sound a little repetitive considering I just screamed at you last night, but now I guess I will just have to publicly confess my adoration for you!!! Thank you for being my first online friend in a very long time, and for putting up with me yelling at you about everything (and also nothing at the same time). I can't believe all it took was one message about your Royals AU for you to post it, but I will gladly take that credit any day. You are so so so incredibly talented with your writing, and your ability to transport me to another world while I read your fics is unparalleled. I adore the way you can come up with a new story to write every day, and then proceed to throw it into your pot of other WIPs. I am so so so so lucky to have gotten to know you and am incredibly grateful that I now have someone to cry about everything with 🧡 (If you read anything from Rosie, you need to read her Seasons/Long Distance Juke "friendship" fic and the Reggie x Photography oneshot that made me bawl my eyes out.)

@thedeathdeelers -> No thoughts. Just soulmates. Jk jk, you know I love your Reggie x Ray x Carlos fics, and I will scream in the tags about it until the day I get more of those fics from you. This is lowkey a threat, but wrapped in kindness. You are so wonderful to see on my dash (albeit scary at times because of the sheer amount of headcanons and theories running through your head), but you radiate such positive energy that it's impossible to not want to jump in and scream about soulmates with you.

Some special mentions to fics that also live rent free in my head:

@sunsetsandcurves wrote a Willex Cruise Ship AU inspired by a Simple Plan song and it’s something I never knew I needed until I read it. 

@phantom-curve wrote a Juke fic based off of Coney Island and I would just like to say, yes, it did shatter me. (Here’s the fluff sequel that makes up for it though)

@unsaidjulie wrote the Juke dog fic of my dreams and I simply cannot express how much I want the Molina’s to have a dog now. 

@pawprinterfanfic managed to get me incredibly invested in a Star Wars AU even though I know absolutely nothing about Star Wars. I just know that I would die for two (2) space boys. 

@sanssssastark  your Later universe made me realize that I do very much want there to be more mature content for this fandom (and you constantly deliver).

@theobligatedklutz wrote a Tangled Willex AU that makes me screech every time there’s an update. Just read it.

@alexthedrummerboy your talent knows no bounds when it comes to your Social Media AU. Also she’s written ORIGINAL songs for Alex and Willie?!?!?! 

@gennified has this really wonderful modern take on pride and prejudice for Willex and I’m so obsessed with how much miscommunication there is.

@bananaleaves okay, I just found your Tumblr today, and I know you don’t know me in any capacity, but allow me to scream about THIS FIC RIGHT HERE. If anyone in this fandom is to read ANYTHING, it’s this fic. This was one of the best things I’ve read in a long time and absolutely wrecked me. Please just read this.

This turned out WAY longer than it was supposed to, and I’m SO SORRY. (I also tried to make sure I got everyone’s pronouns right, so PLEASE let me know if they’re wrong!) A final sincere thank you to everyone in this fandom who writes. Your talent knows no bounds. Gonna stop talking now before this becomes an essay....

[pluviophile-bookworm]

HSMTMTS 2x9: so dreaded, so exciting, 'Sword!' (yeah, I went there, I've been thinking about this scene - you know the one - since yesterday for some reason)

After two computer malfunctions and a very tough, very sleepless night, here I am with a third attempt to write this post. The universe is against me today. Is Mercury in retrograde or something? Ugh, I just want to get this over with already. And I haven't even managed to see half the episode yet. You better like this cursed post because it's taken me two hours at this point, and will probably take another to finish - and that is if nothing goes wrong this time. Please bear with me. This is my reaction to HSMTMTS 2x9, take 3. Let's hope and pray it's the last one.

I'm normally [unpopular opinion alert] a very spoiler-positive person (it's the combination of anxiety and ADHD and a bunch of other stuff, I suppose), but for this one I've been refraining from looking at the tag all morning, so by now I'm simply bursting with impatience. But before we dive in, I need to get some stuff off my chest.

Some pre-watch thoughts and feelings (let's see how well they will have aged by the end of the episode):

Seriously, what is with whoever writes this show? I know it's impossible, but I feel like they've been toying with my emotions specifically all season. Like:

Ah, so you were a Rini shipper last season? Great, now we'll make them obnoxious and borderline toxic to the point where you actually want them to break up, but then their old chemistry will be back just for the breakup scene so that you can cry your eyes out over the one couple you couldn't stand - even though you can't seem to relate to a single song from Sour, we'll make you feel like you do for a hot second. At least it will remind you that you loved Ricky.

So you say Redlyn own your heart and soul? Great, we'll make you dread something going wrong with them for a week straight, and mess up your sleep schedule beyond repair over it. You're welcome!

We heard you said Rodfini give you life? Perfect, how about a big Seblos fight? And would you like a side of questioning your choice to stan Carlos with that? Because what is life without a little anxiety, a bit of doubt of your ability to read people, and a pinch of existential dread, right?

Ah, so you claimed not to ship Portwell romantically, is that right? Brilliant, we'll make you ship them and then we'll use that to torture you, too.

You've been excited about ABF and Asher Angel guest-starring ever since they were announced? Magnificent! We'll make you hate ABF's character to the point where you can't even look at him, and we'll make you call him names you thought yourself incapable of uttering. And as for Asher, you'll be left waiting for him until the last third of the season, and then you'll dread the possibility of hating his character, too. Do you love us yet?

Oof! Right then, I've got that out of my system. Time to dive in.

Miss Jenn playing around with the backgrounds is, like, 90% of the people who had online school this year, and honestly, I love that for her.

Wait, why is Nini first on this call? Are they going through with the Rose thing? Cos like, the song is nice and all (and, might I add, much more to my taste than nearly all of Sour, don't @ me), but if they use it, it will get them disqualified. They’ve been told that! Gosh, please let me be wrong about this.

We get it, Carlito, rich and fancy and over-the-top is kind of your thing, but have you stopped for a second to think about how others will feel about this? Especially Seb, whom you claim to care about. Seriously, though, I love Carlos and would not hesitate to die for him, but I’m getting the feeling that, unlike my other favourite (you know the one), he wouldn’t do the same for me. Oh well, he’ll figure it out. He’s just a kid. Give him time.

Wait, Milky White? Is that an Into the Woods reference I smell? Cool! If I had a cow, I’d totally name her Milky White (or Gertrude, but don’t ask me why). I just hope they don’t have to, like, take her to the market and exchange her for magic beans, if you catch my drift.

Ahhhhh, Caswell cousins content! We love to see it!

‘You guys are watching, like, old old movies’ WTH, Nini (or is it Nina)? Scary Movie is literally younger than me. But what do you know about it, you 21st-century baby! Ugh, I don’t know why I’m being so hostile today... must be the lack of sleep. Hope it doesn’t influence my reactions to the episode so dramatically as to make me forget how much I love this series. Because I do.

Yay! Big Red is here! I can finally smile. And did Ash just say they’re soulmates? Because yes they are! Ahhh my heart is going to explode.

‘Nini, have you heard from [Ricky]?’ Yikes, awkward... but of course, Big Red can be counted on to save the day here, too.

Ok, so that was a cool cold open. Time for some nice in-person scenes, though. I did not spend all of three semesters doing online school just to have the characters of my favourite series do the same.

Wow, Gina is really embracing that French accent thing! And I really don’t want to think about, erm, ‘Napoleon over here’ right now, but I really think the fact that she’s doing it better than him will be another piece of evidence towards my theory of fake-French!Antoine... ugh, I said his name. Oh well. Back to Gina. Too bad the French thing didn’t work out for her.

Ahhhh, Portwell with Ash in the background! And Ash is going to paint EJ’s nails! I feel like he’s going to end up loving that, despite what he says right now. But seriously, I just love how comfortable these two are with each other. Can you blame me now for shipping them as friends? Well, I mean, it’s obvious they will be more than friends, and somehow, despite the amatonormativity of it all, I’m here for it.

Wait, was that Asher? That was Asher, I’m 100% sure of it. And Gina said ‘a sign’ and then looked at him, even from the back... what am I supposed to think and feel here? I’m confused. Moving on.

Ahh, poor Ricky being a burrito... good thing that breakup scene last time reminded me that I love him, because the entirety of the season before that was very good at making me forget that.

Wait, did she say ‘the Bean’? As in, that Bean? The infamous Bean? LOL.

‘So the only time you two talk to each other is to gossip about me’ Boy, did I feel that. I once got my hands on my dad’s mobile and I... kind of went through his texts with mum. Yep, all about me and my brother. At this point I feel like they’re only together because of us. But this is getting too personal. I’m here about the episode, not to rant about my family. Moving on.

Yikes, looks like Nini’s got writer’s block all over again. Am I supposed to feel sorry for her? Because I kind of don’t. I mean, no hate towards her, none at all, but that entire scene just felt awkward and unnecessary. And not just because it’s her first time going live. That I can understand. What I don’t understand is why the writers can’t seem to do anything creative and interesting with Nini. Olivia is being wasted there. Idk, that’s just how I feel. Again, no hate.

Ahhhhh it’s Asher! And well, he’s not Jonah, but I kind of really like him as Jack. I wonder if that will last.

So is it just me, or is anyone else not quite sure how to feel about Ricky’s mum? I mean, their interactions seem kind of awkward and strained, but that’s how it’s supposed to be given their recent history, and yet something just doesn’t sit quite right with me.

‘You there, Muse? It’s me, Nini!’ Ah, so it’s Nini again? I didn’t get the memo. Gosh, this episode is kind of really underwhelming. The most exciting thing so far (but not nearly as exciting in practice as it was in theory) – Asher and Sofia’s on-screen reunion. The second most exciting thing? The thought of Ash painting EJ’s nails. Everything else? Kind of ‘whatever’. Is this what I tossed and turned about all night? Totally not worth it. This episode better get, like, 300% better right this instant. It’s just not worth all the frustration and excitement and dread so far.

Looks like my prayers from just now have been heard! That improv scene was hilarious! Guess it was lucky that Miss Jenn had them do improv before this moment. But I need to know more of Jack’s backstory now.

Ok, so that was awkward! So Kourtney is talking to Howie again, I guess. And I guess I know now what Carlos did that was all public and no subtle. Still, what’s wrong with posting photos from your holiday? Guess I don’t exactly know yet what Carlos did to piss the others off so much.

Great, now I’m tempted to google butterfly faces. Good thing I’m not eating anymore. *** Ughhhhh this was a mistake! Please don’t ever look a butterfly in the face if you want to stay sane. Don’t be like me.

Ahhh the Duke sweater! ‘Is that your boyfriend’s?’ Well, not quite yet, it’s not... *screams in Portwell*

Oh, now we’re talking! But seriously, Ricky? The ‘my friends think’ card? Why don’t you just say ‘I think’? It’s clearly something you’ve thought about a lot. I feel like I’m going to love this scene or cry over it or both.

Ooh, therapy. It’s not just... basically the entire fandom... who says it now. Please tell me that means Ricky will be going to therapy at some point. Says the girl who is currently firmly refusing to go to therapy in favour of hyperfixating on HSMTMTS and getting back into the good old practice of having imaginary friends... yeah, I’m one to talk.

My, my, my! Seb has really had it now. I mean, it was about time, but... not quite like this. My heart is starting to do some weird stuff, I can feel it. I might need to lie down.

Ok, so as much as I envy North High for getting to see so many shows on BWay – basically living out my dream – stalking East High on Instagram and being shady about them taking a well-deserved break... just goes beyond all limits. I mean, if you’re so into Broadway shows, you should know as well as I do what happened the last time a certain founding father did not take a break. Maybe you’re the ones in need of a break here.

Nini on the call with the Caswell cousins, though... ‘I’m obsessed with both of you’ – first relatable thing she’s said or done all season. And EJ playing with old toys is pure gold.

Oh, so Jack’s dad is a pilot. Makes sense, I guess. I’m kind of intrigued by this guy. Just as long as he doesn’t try to come between Portwell before they’ve had the chance to happen, you know...

Ashlyn might need to stop swooning over Nini’s songwriting or Big Red might get jealous... I mean, I would not have pinned him as the jealous type before 2x7, but ever since then... I guess insecure + dating a girl like Ash = the jealous type. And although that looks good on him, I’d bet anything it doesn’t feel particularly pleasant on his side. So... wait, why am I talking about Big Red? He hasn’t even got anything to do with the scene at hand. But then again, there’s been so little Big Red content in this episode that I seem to be trying to make up for it. Still. Stay focused.

Ooh, so Big Red did edit that video! Is there anything my boy can’t do? Ok, now I feel like he’s even more criminally underappreciated than he was before. But let’s look at the video. I’m curious to see the whole thing because that sneak peek from yesterday simply hasn’t been enough.

That was... really, really cool! I love how they took the ‘when they go low, we go high’ line from last time and run with it. Now if only they were putting as much effort into BATB... North High wouldn’t know what hit them.

Hmmmm... I guess Gina and Jack could be what I originally wanted Portwell to be... really cool friends. Unless it’s one of those ‘airport magic’ things. Oh well. It probably is. Was that all we’re seeing of Asher here? I did not wait 2/3 of the season for this. Though it was nice.

Ooh, Ricky’s solo song... why is there more Rini chemistry in this song than there was in all the season? Not counting the breakup scene, of course. Also, I feel like it’s just as much about him and his mum as it is about Nini. Some say music is the best therapy. I think they might be right. And no, I’m not crying. You are.

The granola bar, though... this episode might have been very underwhelming in the first half, but... it delivered in the Portwell front, and the music was *chef’s kiss*, so I’m willing to let it slide that the advertised Seblos ‘big fight’ was not touched upon nearly enough. Maybe next week...

Ok, now that we’re done watching the episode, let’s see how my feelings from the beginning have aged:

The Rini breakup: apparently, along with reminding me that I love Ricky, it has rendered me unable to look at Nini. What’s up with that? If this is some sort of tactic along the lines of ‘Olivia might be leaving the show so we’re making you hate her character so that you won’t miss her’, it’s not really working. Because I don’t want to hate Nini. Believe me, I don’t.

Redlyn: ok, so there’s nothing wrong with them whatsoever - we even got a ‘soulmates’, which I loved - but first they’re being swept under the rug, and then the antis come at us with that ‘their relationship is underdeveloped’ nonsense. Individually, though, I liked them in this episode (even if there was a significant shortage of Big Red), and Ashlyn collaborating with Nini again was cool, but... what I really wanted to see was her painting EJ’s nails. Did she even get the chance to actually do it? Maybe next week.

Seblos: I’m still failing to understand exactly what Seb thinks Carlos did wrong (please enlighten me if you did catch that, I’m kind of slow), but he (Seb) does have reasons to be mad at him (Carlos)... and at other people, too. Still, if you want to have a fight between two people in a relationship, you could do much better than whatever this episode was. Maybe next week. I notice I’m saying that a lot. Guess I’m putting a lot of hopes on 2x10. I just pray it doesn’t disappoint.

Portwell: boy, am I happy that my frustration on this front did not age well! What I mean is, apparently they’ve decided to bless us, not torture us for once. Even a rather disappointing episode like this one had to have some sort of silver lining. And Portwell is it.

Asher as Jack: well, luckily I didn’t hate him, but... it’s kind of the opposite problem. I loved him and now they’re taking him away from me. Guess I just can’t win here. Oh well. At least he didn’t have the screen time to get in between Portwell...

All in all: 2x10, my hopes and prayers are with you!

[tasteofgummies]

Can i request a relationship with jonathan and also joseph(part3 specifically) 👉👈

Im nonbinary and use they/them, but like to be called "boyfriend" when it comes to relationships. I love being called petnames like "darling," "pretty boy," "angel," and "sweetie."

Im about 5'0 (thats 152.4cm) with a small frame and im really into tall people. 👀

I know a lotta useless information and i hyperfixate on certain topics (i have ADHD).

I'm really bad at math and reading, and generally im not very smart, but i am full of LOVE :)

Im a good listener, but often ask people to repeat themselves if i was hardcore spacing off while they were talking. Im good with animals. Im pretty good at drawing. Im really cuddly. I really like fire bc it is neat. Its easy to make me laugh, usually at dumb stuff that aren't actually real jokes. If you say "peepee" to me i will cackle and that is a threat.

I quote memes and vines a lot. And if the person im talking to doesnt get it, i will show the meme/vine to them on the spot.

If someone says something mean to me, i usually let it roll off my back, but some things just stick with me and make me feel self-conscious forever. I need reassurance if im not in a good mental headspace.

I hope that info isnt waaaay too specific 😭 thanks for reading all that lmao 🙏

Sorry for the wait, really, i was without internet because of the place, but here it is 💜

Jonathan x you ✨

•Jonathan is also very full of love, he loves you so much that the "warm feeling in his chest" is now a giant forest fire situation

•He doesn't like when you call yourself "not very smart" at all, you are very smart! He will reassure the hell outta you when you say that

•Can and will listen to your favorites topics for hours! You can always see his "i'm so in love with my angel" smile while you talk

•This man right here is the king of pet names, sometimes he wants to call you by your name but his mouth just says: "My love, what time is it?", "Darling boy, how have you been?"

•He's never upset to repeat himself, he gets that you space off sometimes, and that's fine

•Like we could see with Danny, Jonathan is an animal lover, so he's quite joyful his boyfriend is good with them

•"The animals love you for your pure heart, angel, just like i do" he says while you got a puppy in your lap

•In his birthday, he asks for a portrait of yourself, please 👉👈 He would love to have it in his room and kiss it every night

•Makes campfires for you, and you eat marshamellows together

•Jonathan doesn't fully understand your humor, but finds it cute

•He search for "most popular vines to quote" in Google, the boy tries

•Very angry when someone is mean to you, and won't let them get away with it

•"You should reconsider what kind of person makes such a beautiful person feel bad for pleasure! That was unkind from you and you don't have the right to speak to my darling or to anyone like that"

•When you aren't at your best, giant teddy bear Jonathan Joestar is there to help, he will praise you all you need as he kisses all of what you call "imperfections"

Joseph x you ✨

•He calls you baby boy, pretty boy or simple plain Honey, but is very likely that he has another c u r s e d petnames

•Joseph Joestar is an asshole who makes fun of your height, but he's also really into it, makes him want to protect you 🥺

•You remind him of his old days, so he's smooth with you

•Young Joseph probably will be learning about the topics you hyperfixate in, but this one is just listening and ocassionally asking

•He's not annoyed at all for having to repeat himself with you, only a little concerned if you're a Crusader, because he's scared you were spacing off while he was giving information that could help you in case you were in danger

•Joseph likes dogs, and loves how every animal you pet in the streets starts following you, when this happens, he lifts you up and holds you like a baby in his arms, "They are my little beautiful angel, back off" he says to the dog that was following you after you pat their head a block ago, then he kisses you sweetly

•When you laugh at vines or memes that aren't actually jokes, he laughs with you and smiles, because he remembers having that crackhead energy himself (also i hc that in modern day, young Joseph would have been like a tiktok/vine superstar bc he's funny and also really hot)

•Oh, you are cuddly, well, you are talking to Mr "my hugs are the tightest ever" Joestar

•He protecc

•Really, every single detail that can make you feel bad, he fixes it, no one has the right to make his angel boy feel bad

•This man simps hard for you, for him there's nothing wrong in you, everything is just perfect

[doggirldick]

📌💔🏳‍🌈 for dragon quest!--Sour

okay so i went a little overboard with infodumping so let’s throw in a read more

📌 how did you find your hyperfixation?

dq9 got localised in 2010, it got advertised on tv so that’s where i first heard about it. for my 12th birthday in 2011, my dad took me to a gamestation and let me pick out any 2 ds games. i remembered thinking dq9 looked like the sort of game i really wanted to play so i picked it up.

it ended up being one of the best games i’ve ever played and i took my ds everywhere and played it at every opportunity. i thought i’d check out the rest of the series at some point, but i picked up a 3ds when pokemon x and y was around the corner and it faded into the background until i forgot about it.

until 2019 when suddenly hero got announced for smash and in the reveal trailer, they showed his final smash at the end and there he was... my son...

i cannot sufficiently express the emotion i felt seeing this boy for the first time in however many years it was.

so i did what any person who’s probably autistic and/or has adhd would do. played dq1-6. bearing in mind these are like 100 hour jrpgs (except 1 and 2 which are maybe 20 and 60 hours respectively) this went on from may-october. then i exhausted myself and took a break. (went back to hyperfixating on mega man in january).

in may this year i decided to replay dq9, unfortunately, it’s such an expansive game and on ds so they had to limit it to 1 save file per cartridge and there’s no way i’m erasing my 700 hour save, even if the hero has my deadname. so i played it on an emulator. it was as good as i remember (a lot darker than i remember too, people die a lot in that game). this kicked me off on a return hyperfixation, i played the remaining games

💔 tell us about one of your LEAST favorite characters and why you dislike them.

okay, this is a little controversial bc i believe he’s a fan favourite, but i think terry from dq6 is a colossal asshole.

terry is this fucker who shows up a number of times when you’re about to find some great, powerful sword and takes it for himself. or you go to slay a dragon in some tunnel that citizens of a nearby town need to use to survive and you run in to find terry slaying it already, not for the town but just bc he needs to get through.

as you’d expect, his selfish desire for power leads him to siding with a demon and you’re forced to fight him (i say forced. if they had made it optional i still would’ve chosen to). after you beat him and then the demon, the demon flees and terry’s left wounded on the floor. he tells you to leave him to die and i so wanted to but ugh it’s then revealed he’s one of the party members’ brother, they had a tragic past and i guess that explains why he is the way he is but it sure as hell doesn’t justify it. you have to take him in your party 🙄

despite being one of the most powerful party members, i took that fucking sword off him, dumped him at patty’s party planning place, and never used him.

i supposed the things he did aren’t as bad as i make it out to be but, it’s like your rival in pokemon, at least in gen 1 where he just shows up and annoys you all the time.

for the record tho, i’d like to say marcello from dq8 is also a huge bastard (actually come to think of it he is literally a bastard, that’s his backstory) and just corvus from dq9 like “oh no i thought i was betrayed, now i’m going to stew in hatred for 300 years then kill god, replace him, and prepare to kill everyone” okay chill the fuck out man

🏳️‍🌈 do you have any headcanons (lgbt, race, neuro, etc) that are important to you?

in almost every media hyperfixation i have, i will find a female character i identify with, i will headcanon them as trans and bi, and i will ship them with another female character.

in dragon quest, it’s serena and jade from dq11. it’s serena i identify with. as for jade’s sexuality, i’ve seen a few people headcanon her as a lesbian which works for me :)

[simptasia]

hc questions 5, 6, 7, 26, 44 & 47 for any or all of the science team members if you want? :)

oh bless!! thank you!! i’ll go with My Beloved Three, as usual, the sci trio

Cleanliness habits (personal, workspace, etc.)

my hcs on this have wobbled over time but overall i imagine dan, char and miles are all like, fairly, neat. tho they all have a tendency to leave papers around

and miles doesn’t make the bed as much. cuz imagining miles napping in rumpled quilts is a very cute mental image. hair disheveled

i think a good term for whats going on with dan and char is Organized Chaos. they’re both scientists (and a musician) for heck’s sake. it doesn’t look like they know what they’re doing but they do. but ur not gonna walk into their house(s) and be like “ugh gross what the fuck”. it’s nice. dan tends to make the bed

and i imagine dan keeps The Rat Room (yes, you heard me) immaculate because you reeeeeeally want that area to be well cared for

as for personal, lets get this out of the way, none of them are yucky. but dan is showering the least, just due to absent mindedness and hyperfixation. like ya really get into a project and then suddenly oh fuck i need a shower. but thats relative. he’s not a stinky gross boy. i imagine miles washes the most because like, he has body piercings and those GOTTA be cleaned every day, especially the downstairs one. miles values his dick, he don’t want an infection

also its amazing how much more you shower/bathe when you have a partner. or in this case, two partners. in general and for sexy purposes. hell yeah

well thats enough of me picturing these three showering, moving on

Eating habits and sample daily menu

its odd how often i’ve pictured these people eating together

dan: eats the least (and for once that isn’t a skinny joke, he could eat cake every day and he’d still be like that) because for the most part he doesn’t have much of an appetite. he eats what he needs, with random bursts of being really hungry (it’s a neurodivergent thing). i imagine he has a extra fondness for pasta and can put a surprising amount of it away when he wants to. tho typically for ease, he’ll stick to noodles. he takes his coffee mild and decaf. i hc him as a vegetarian due to not being able to process meat. his body also cannot handle alcohol and the one time he tried it he needed to be hospitalized. his ice cream preference is vanilla with chocolate sprinkles. or honeycomb. favourite vegetable is capsicum (which he’d call a bell pepper because he’s american), favourite fruit is pineapple. on that note he likes pineapple pizza. overall he eats simple but isn’t against trying new things. he has a very neutral disposition towards food

char: of the trio, i define charlotte as the Loud Passionate One so obviously being a big eater goes with that, likes a big breakfast (eggs, sausages, sometimes french toast!), sometimes skips lunch when she’s working at the museum due to focus, has a ravenous sweet tooth (i haven’t been subtle that i’ve made her ADORE chocolate but in general i see her liking sweet things), she can handle eating less tho because she’s gone on plenty of expeditions and such. so i think she eats a lot under normal circumstances because, like, she can. i don’t think i need to tell you what her ice cream or starbucks preferences are, do i? takes her coffee with three sugars, two coffees and creamy. likes mochas and hot chocolates too. with marshmallows. naturally, her fave kind of chocolate is galaxy because she is an English Woman. another fave of hers is cadbury’s creme eggs. but lest you think Good Lord Sapphire This Woman’s Entire Body Is A Sugar Molecule, don’t worry she does eat well. like veggies, fruits, meats, she’s fine. of meats, she has a fondness for fish (i have no further information, im terrible with fish. but she’s a pom, so...). favourite fruit is pear, favourite vegetable is peas. likes a bacardi, or rum and coke

miles: he eats a “normal” amount but he’s a grazer. which means, not so much Set Meal eating than eating/snacking thru out the day. he takes his coffee black, no surprise, but with sugar! see, its a metaphor. for him. likes fried eggs and hash browns. his fave food is very cheap mac and cheese. i think in general he really likes cheese. he doesn’t have complicated tastes, like, he grew up poor. he likes seafood (in particular fish tacos) but not lobster as he discovered when he got cashed up. he likes salty food but likes sweets too, in particular i can imagine him snacking on m&ms, skittles, gummi bears. little things. doesn’t have a fave vegetable because he doesn’t care enough, to him veggies are things to eat so you won’t die. doesn’t hate him but isn’t excited to eat ‘em. fave ice cream is mint choc. he’ll drink whatever (except for vodka) but is used to beer. thinks pineapple on pizza is an abomination, espech since he really likes pizza otherwise. i consider him a food opportunist, like, oh theres food here? yoink. or like, oh hey, if everybody else is eating, i’ll have whatever’s going on

....i feel like whenever i write hcs about these guys my brain takes on their tone. like, that was a lot of short, eh whatever, sentences for miles there

Favorite way to waste time and feelings surrounding wasting time

dan:

- reading (really depends on how you define Wasting Time). also he composes music and when he was alive, that was considered wasting time (ugh)

- sometimes even just doing hobbies or work or whatever, even then, he tends to have this feeling of never doing enough due to his Perfectly Healthy And Supportive Upbringing [seethes] so uhhhh basically, anxiety? like this was a dude raised to think anything other than his work was a waste of time. it didn’t exactly work but a decent amount of that Pressure has to still sit with him

char:

- watching tv, espech star trek

- not a waste of time if you’re enjoying yourself

miles:

- card and board games (weren’t expecting that, were ya? i’m not saying that's his Fave Thing To Do, but he considers that a good chill out thing to do. something to do when ur bored but you don’t feel like watching tv or having sex)

- “it’s something to do”

Do they have any plans for the future? Any contingency plans if things don’t workout?

dan:

for original lifetime dan, it was Do Science, Make Mom Proud (tiny voice: and maybe spend the rest of my life with charlotte. if i’m lucky. maybe. please? love?) cuz i imagine dan, although very focussed on the future, actually doesn’t think/care about HIS future. i just don’t think he cares about himself enough

limbo dan is like Make Music, Love Charlotte. which is fair. and then Love Miles on top of that. so yeah, just wants to be a good musician and husband. and one day, father. with char actually in his life in this world, thats def on his mind. he won’t bring it up tho, he’ll wait for her to mention it :3

(dan’s canon contingency plan for things not working out is hydrogen bomb)

char:

alive char, like, ADVENTURE! ISLAND! SOLVE MYSTERIES! that makes it sound like she’s a fucking scooby doo character. i mean, her Goal was to find the island and find out what the fucky duck is going on. she did that. and overall his goals seem like adventure/career orientated. i hc that this version of char never intended on getting married or having kids. she wasn’t Against the ideas and she’s certainly had romances but she was more thinking of other things. (that and i think deep down char thought nobody would ever wanna marry her)

in limboverse There Is No Mystery but she still has her great job(s), that is she works at a museum and i think she goes on expeditions sometimes. so theres that, she’s got the great career. really, her Plan for the future in this world is live the live she couldn’t before. she (and dan!) died young so they’re gonna like, actively adore each other and get married and have kids. and also miles is there. ha, that sounded so rude. she loves miles too. (besties/fuck buddies turned Hey You Wanna Join Me And Dan’s Relationship and miles like... yeah sure)

miles:

step one: get money to fill gaping hole of sadness in chest

step two: ????

step three: die

and even my limbo miles whomst i’ve put with dan and char doesn’t have any plans for the future, besides like, do his job and maybe become a dad again (context: i hc that miles had two kids with richard when he was alive). so he’s still chilling but without the depressing ache of loneliness and bitterness

so basically long story short for all of them (in limboverse): Love & Family

Superstitions or views on the occult?

ohooo i like this one

dan: didn’t grow up believing in magic and such (which is super ironic because his mother is a fucking other) but he has a very open mind. i think he’ll believe it if he’s thrust into the situation. it’s interesting really, dan is known as the science guy and that's great but he’s super fucking accepting of not science shit. tho of course, he’s not seeing the island time travel as magic but science. but more importantly, he regards miles’ powers with zero doubt or questioning. he doesn’t even seem confused, he is absolutely on board with miles being able to talk to dead people. this all implies miles told him off screen and dan believes him

so basically he’ll accept whatever is presented to him as true

which honestly, is what a good scientist is like. the trope of the scientist character who is ultra non believing of the supernatural, even when they’re seeing it before their eyes, is annoying. like, you know the ones? the ones who get angry about it. the overly skeptical scientist. hate that. dan is not that

and his character arc includes embracing free will over destiny so there's that

char: she’s not superstitious and doesn’t believe in magic or the supernatural at all. tho thrown into bizarre situations she’s like ???? but has to accept it. and she KNOWS something is up with the island. she knows its different. i just mean, under normal circumstances she’d regard magic stuff as funny nonsense. i hc that char, in living life, doesn’t believe miles can speak to the dead. really fucking weird this isn’t addressed in the show but hahaaaa they wasted char! anyways and like, if presented with the concept that dan’s brain damage is being healed by the island, she’d look confused, say thats impossible but she’d think on it

what i’m saying is she’ll rule out magic concepts at first, on reflex. but would grow to accept them, especially with stuff she knows/has repressed

she doesn’t believe in ghosts, psychics, visions, magic healing and all those exist in her world, so it’s all a matter of experience

miles: WELL WHADDYA THINK

actually it’s funny. miles has magic powers but he’s 0% superstitious and i imagine outside of his own powers, he really doesn’t believe in the occult. i hc that until he personally proved otherwise, he grew up thinking he was mentally ill. and once he realised it was true, thought he was some kind of freak

and he’s incredulous when he finds out hurley has powers too. tho miles, being miles, does roll with the punches a lot in the show, he’s skeptical when it comes to hurley's power. and i find that interesting. also i fucking love how when hurley describes his power, miles says “thats not how it works”, like ???? babe???

but overall his attitude on the island is like “well. this is happening”

i do think thru his life, despite his power, he doesn’t believe in All Magic or occult or whatever. i also hc that he attracted those kind of people who are REALLY into astrology and auras and stuff like that and he found them exasperating. (i think he’d be a lot more okay with it if it was claire who was talking about astrology and palm reading with him. he’d be endeared when its her)

and i think he thinks other psychics he’s met or seen on tv are straight up bullshit. he can believe he has it but he’s skeptical of other people. just assumes they’re scammers. hell, he was a scammer. who just happened to have the power. he was like “well i have this, i may as well get some use outta it”

oh and in limboverse, they all kinda have to accept their situation. and they take it with ease due to appreciating getting happier lives

How do they express love?

a dan who loves you will pet your face and look at you like ur his entire reason to live. a char who loves you will squeak at your jokes and will never once let you feel bad about yourself. a miles who loves you is sorry he isn’t better at this stuff but he really is trying... sure we can cuddle if you wanna, that’s cool v///v

the dan and char we saw in the show was them holding back and i find that very amusing because they were HEART EYES AS FUCK for each other and so affectionate and so soft hearted, like oh my gosh. canon show dan/char is them when they’re pining... when they’re not even a couple (yet, damn it)

imagine them at full power

i figured it out, dan/char couldn’t be an Official Couple because then jeremy davies and rebecca mader would have destroyed us all, especially me

anyways. they’re both very protective of each other. they... they touch each other a lot. like a lot for people who aren’t dating and whomst don’t think the other one loves them. like char is surprised when dan says he loves her. that fucking astonishes me. HE’S NOT SUBTLE. char are you okay???

dan is more open about the love than char, seeing as he said it. and double downed on it. char i feel was holding back for different reasons than dan. dan was holding back (fucking barely) because of eloise’s Love Will Only Bring Pain upbringing, which’d give somebody a serious complex. so he was adverse to actually pursuing a relationship AND i figure he thought “she wouldn’t wanna be with me anyways”. but char i imagine, a deep seated insecurity and need to be defensive, but also! dan was like REALLY mentally unwell before the island. and that's the dan that char knows (and loves) but she’d feel guilty if she pursued anything with him. like she’s taking advantage of a brain damaged person

ah fuck i went on a big thing about why they didn’t become a couple instead of like.... the question. how do they express love? like they did in the show. smiles, touches, longing gazes, protectiveness. they would die for each other

as for miles, how does he express love? Not Well. at first

whoever is the first person he fell in love with (i imagine richard), he was not good at... being open about that. i don’t think miles is good with love. lived his life pretty detached/bitter about the concept, which i imagine is due to having cynicism about life and death. everybody you love is gonna die, so why bother? (his mom dying hit him pretty hard) so uhhh its gonna be... baby steps

slowly becoming more open about liking somebody, becoming more affectionate, more... uh, couple-y (and later throuple-y). it’d take time and he will always be miles, but hey, he gets there. he’ll still always have his snark but he won’t be a Genuine Asshole to people he loves. heck, i imagine he’ll be downright soft in the right situation. and he can be gentle and kind. he’s a salty boy not a cunt

but i digress. basically he’s a little “yeah, yeah, i love you too, shut up” about it but he does have that soft gooey center. basically those who know him, and love him, know his true heart. it’s just a part of being miles “defensive walls” straume

feels love (and even that takes him a while to realise, cuz he hasn’t been a romantic relationship kinda guy, most of his life his relationships have been a Just Sex thing), not Great at like... Doing Love, you know what i mean? but like once he’s used to it, he can be quite a tender little pudding cup, actually

[klysanderelias]

okay look i just gotta talk myself through some stuff

I am so fucking tired dude, I don’t even know where to begin. I’ve been in a funk for days and I know that it’s mostly due to having adhd and almost violently being thrown off a hyperfixation (fuck, and I cannot stress this enough, wasteland 3), but it’s also much more complex. 

I’ve been trying to make sense of my gender identity for a long time and it’s frustrating because on one hand, it’s easy, I’m genderqueer, done, but on the other hand as a cis man (we’re already getting into it huh) I don’t feel comfortable claiming that title because a) I feel like I’m intruding into a space that’s not mine and as a white cis man I am acutely aware of how common that is and b) I genuinely don’t feel like anything other than a cis man. It’s a problem because I’m on both sides of the ‘gender is a made up concept by society / yes but society made it up for a reason’ debate. I guess to back up slightly, really the thing is that if bodyswapping or extreme body modification was available and reversible, I’d be doing that all the fucking time. I’d love to spend time in a ‘woman’s’ body (again, bear with me) but I don’t think it’d be something I’d want for very long. Or, I guess, it’s not something I’d want permanently, which means more or less the same thing in my head. I’d more want to not be *gestures vaguely at my corporeal form* this, even though I’m relatively happy with myself as a person. I’d like to be shorter and thinner, mostly.

but I think part of the thing (and what I came to realize about a month or so ago) is that as an autistic/adhd person, and especially a QUEER adhd/autistic person, most of my shit is performative to begin with. It’s extremely difficult to be ‘authentic’ about anything about myself because so much of my life has been desperately trying to fit my square peg in a round hole seeking validation. I didn’t really accept my bisexuality until I was 19 or 20, I didn’t really start calling myself a communist until 2016, and I’m still calling myself a cis man even though genderqueer makes more sense. And that’s really what it comes down to, in the end, that I’m just desperately seeking validation and I’m terrified of doing anything that either could drive a wedge between me and the people around me (not necessarily my friends, but coworkers and shit) or that could be seen as an intrusion since I am in fact a white man (which on one hand I recognize is a little stupid but considering that I have, at multiple points in my life, been the shitty white man everyone complains about, I feel like it’s a valid concern). It’s hard to be open and honest about this stuff to people I TRUST, let alone allow myself to be perceived by randos on the street or whatever, and I’m sure a lot of that is deep-seated trauma thanks to years of being a queer autistic person but I just...

part of this too is that I’m terrified of being alone, but I’m more terrified of not being alone. I don’t really want to get into it here (this is already long enough) but I recently got out of an extremely shitty living situation which I should honestly describe as abusive but if I’m uncomfortable describing myself as genderqueer you can BET your ASS I’m uncomfortable calling someone else abusive. But it doesn’t matter, what matters is it fucking sucked and it set me back years (and honestly I've been in quite a few abusive situations where it’s hard to describe it as such simply because I ALLOWED it to happen because it seemed fine at the time) and especially after my last semi-relationship (oh boy this trauma got layers huh) I’m terrified that I’m willing to allow people to abuse me as long as I’m not alone

and that’s not great, obviously.

let’s just skip the recap of my last relationship honestly

but yeah before I go completely down another tangent the point is, I am well fuckin’ aware that part of the reason why I don’t self describe as genderqueer (and why I generally avoid talking about my sexuality to people unless it’s in jokes) is because I don’t want to give anyone ANOTHER reason to avoid me (which HOOO BOY that’s some fucked up shit and again, I am well fuckin’ aware that’s bad) and it wasn’t until tonight that I had the extremely unpleasant thought

I am not a skinny man. I got hired at a factory recently so I honestly should already be working out like crazy to prepare myself for the work but considering that my last two jobs were driving, I’m kind of round. This is due to a number of reasons such as excessive overeating due to depression and adhd, my poor physical health making physical activity unpleasant, and of course the knockout punch of ‘i’m fat and ugly and I don’t want to be seen in public which means no going to the gym or exercising outside and of course when I’m home I have lots of other things to do that are much more fun which means I stay fat’. And like, I have tried to come to terms with the idea that being fat does not make me unattractive, or worth less as a human being, etc, but obviously it’s hard to just say ‘ah yes, today I am going to accept myself for who I am when I am constantly bombarded with messaging saying that unless I have a six-pack of abs no one will ever touch me’ (oh yeah and as a queer man it’s doubly frustrating to avoid thinking gay thoughts because I’d fuck him, but I wouldn’t fuck me)

All of this is to say I had the thought - it would be relatively easy to put more effort into my appearance. There’s obviously no guarantee that I’m going to lose weight just by working out, but I eat a LOT of shit, and I don’t really exercise at all, so I might as well try it. And I have, to some extent, tried to work out more at home. Mostly strength training, but y’know. But I thought to myself, what if my avoidance behavior isn’t due to fear of not actually being able to lose weight, but what if it’s because being fat is a good excuse? It’s an excuse I don’t feel as bad about. If I’m fat and single, it’s because I’m fat, etc. I’m ‘ugly’ and ‘gross’ etc so naturally people aren’t going to be interested (I am not saying this as fact, merely parroting the thoughtlines of my anxiety). And, if I lose weight, and become conventionally attractive, and am still single, then it means that who I am as a person is the problem

And look, I know, I KNOW, that’s stupid, but if I’m attracted to someone and they shoot me down for being fat, that hurts, but it’s not like I’m happy about being fat. If they shoot me down for being queer, or being a communist, or whatever, that’s worse. That cuts hard because I LIKE those parts of me. I’m PROUD of them. And thanks to RSD, it’s gonna cut like a knife if anyone I am seeking approval from targets those things.

and like, especially after the last few people, I’m terrified that if it came down to it, I’d cut those parts of myself away if it meant getting that validation. I’m willing to agree to a lot of things, man. I’m willing to put up with a lot of shit. And, in the case of my last roommate, it wasn’t because I wanted to, it was because I had to. I didn’t have the money to move out. I didn’t have the energy to fight, and even when I did, I hate raising my voice or displaying anything approaching anger (thanks dad! I hope you fucking suffer at least a little for that!). I’m nearly incapable of exerting my boundaries because either I’m terrified they’re going to take their proverbial ball and go home, or because it would be mean risking a confrontation. And I’m just not able to do that any more. I used to! I used to be willing to have three hour arguments with my friends! I used to be able to stand my ground and argue for my own needs and wants! But not after ruth! Not after like three years of watching any confrontation become so much worse than just agreeing and keeping my head down!

none of this is fucking coherent anymore but oh well

The point is I keep crushing on all these people and triggering that avoidance behavior pretty much immediately because of all the fucking last thirteen paragraphs or whatever, and then I sink into depression because like, here we go again, I’m going to spend years pining after this person for no good reason and none of it will matter and I’ll be alone, again, and maybe it’s better that way?

I dunno man, I’m just exhausted.

The mortifying ordeal of being known or whatever.

I’m just at the point in my life where it’s worse to be known than it is better to be loved. The reward is not worth the cost.

And that sucks, man.

It just fucking sucks.