#oh did i tell yall ive started praying again

[antisocialgaycat]

quite interesting how someone ive never met and probably never will meet knows me better than anyone else

[glorified-red]

how do you make your writing do poetic? Cause I see my writing and I’m like what is this hot garbage compared to your brilliance?

Here's literally all the top writing advice I've learned in the past two-ish years because I assure you, my writing was also hot garbage, but hot garbage is still smokin hot bbbyy so dont give up

(brief mentions of smut in passing):

Honestly a lot of it comes down to Quantity > Quality and its not something I talk about very often on here. When I first started writing, I posted almost everyday, if not multiple times a week, consistently. I was writing headcanons of anything I could think of and stupid stories I saw on TikTok, I was answering requests the second they got in my inbox.

How I did it? I just wrote. I didn't think about it.

I was writing because it was fun, not because I wanted the writing itself to be good, I just wanted it to be (insert encanto song here). Some of my older fics are terrible, I reread some of the content and I cant make it past the first few paragraphs without cringing, Ive even considered deleting some or completely revising them because of it.

But that'd defeat the point.

I keep those fics (as terrible as they are) so you guys can see that I too, used to suck at writing. I didn't know what a hyphen was or an em dash, let alone an en dash. I didn't know how to properly punctuate AT ALL (future me, an english major, literally dies inside).

I focused a lot on dialogue when I started out, was it OOC? Probably. Did I care? Fuck no. I wrote anything because the more I wrote the better I got.

Unfortunetly overtime I became obssesed with the Quality of my work and since then I've written very little in comparison (rip my inbox being open to requests lmao). Has the quality gone up? Hell yea. But has my motivation and insecurities suffered? Oh fuck yea.

I focused so much on making my narration more poetic that my dialogue talent suffered tremendously. Which is why I'm trying to get back into more random, silly one shots because goddamit quantity > quality.

And you can see this in Nightmare because that was the series where I started getting creative with prose, pacing, and narration. That series was written and is still being written for me and me only (yall get to see it as a little treat). Its my experiment baby where I throw words at the wall and pray they stick, I talk in metaphors and pray to god it makes sense.

Nightmare is my writing exercise journal basically, everything I learn from Nightmare goes into other fics.

You can easily see how much I've grown as a writer and how because Its just one big experiment. Have you read the beginning of that? It fucking sucks, but the last six chapters? Arguably some of my most poetic work.

Big Brother Intuition was the start of me taping into the emotional side of stories and telling a story through internal dialogue and letting everything else slip in between the lines. Again, it was an exercise. The sole purpose of that fic was to challenge myself to write from Tim's POV for the first time and to write something I myself, experienced and to translate feeling and emotions into legible words.

This is when I started to learn the best writing advice I've ever learned to date that I will scream at anyone who lets me proofread their work:

Show. Don't Tell.

This is huge in writing, especially if you want to write something poetic.

"He walked across the carpeted room."

"Static clung to his socks as they dragged across the carpeted room."

In the first line, you're telling the reader whats going on like youre reading from a powerpoint. In the second, you never actually specify that he is walking, but the reader can tell because you show it visually. They can picture it in their head clearly that not only is he walking, but his shoulders are probably slouched because hes dragging his feet.

Did I ever mention the posture of the character? Nope. Did I mention he's tired? Nope. But can you picture it in the subtext without any more information but that line? Yes (assuming you read into things like me but for the sake of argument just say yes).

(this is also where word connotation comes into play but thats a whole other rant)

The reader can vividly picture your story without you having to spell it out for them.

Now bear in mind, you also have to treat your readers like idiots (sorry not sorry guys).

I like to picture the brain as an empty room, a completely blank canvas. Your story should be vivid enough that by the end of it, the reader has the entire room filled with detail.

When you start writing, you plop your character into that empty room. But how is that character interacting with the environment if its just an empty room? Things only get added into the room if the character interacts with it. If the character doesnt, then you're just telling the reader what to imagine.

What's poetic about that?

If you don't describe the setting, your readers will be confused and won't be able to immerse themselves into the story because they'll be too busy trying to figure out where the door is instead of paying attention to anything else. But reading a long paragrpah describing the room in detail is so much more boring than if the character interacts with it themselves.

(Telling the reader theres a dresser by the bed instead of making the character plop their keys on the dresser before climbing into bed)

You have to specify everything your character is doing to the environment around them so the walls turn from white to red, the room suddenly has a bed in it, theres a dresser next to the bed that needs to be sanded down because the character felt a prick on their skin.

Little things like that make your story more entertaining.

Which starts with the five senses.

I did two Five Senses writing challenges ages ago as a way to get used to writing the senses solo, I highly recommend doing the same (in my masterlist :P). Whenever I write smut, pain, comfort, you name it, the only thing going through my head is "What are they feeling, what are they hearing, what are they smelling, etc"

If you can work with the senses, showing will be so much easier to do because senses is how you show things.

"She felt like she was going to cry."

"The rims of her eyes started to burn."

In the first one, youre telling the audience what shes feeling. In the second, youre showing it. The main difference is that I imagined what it feels like to start to cry (that burn) so I could use a more "poetic" approach but really, I'm just showing instead of telling. That's the difference between hot garbage and poetic writing.

I often like to overexplain things to my audience, I pretend that my readers know nothing before starting my fic, whether its a series or a simple oneshot. This way anyone can read any of my work regardless of if they know Damian has a fucking metal spine or not beause who knows niche stuff like that yk? Its a story, make it enjoyable to anyone because they dont need pre-existing knowledge.

Which brings me to THE MOST IMPORTANT THING ABOUT WRITING EVER.

Come here, this is your bread and butter okay?? This shit is what makes your writing glorious:

Whatever you do, do not make the reader hesitate.

If the person reading your work has to pause what theyre doing to reread a sentence because it doesnt make sense?

You've failed as a writer.

If the reader has to pause what theyre doing to look up a word because it doesnt make sense?

You've failed as a writer.

If the reader keeps losing their place in your story because its dragging?

You've failed as a writer.

Harsh? I know.

The entire point of writing is to tell a story well enough that the readers can fully immerse themselves into your story. If they hesitate for any reason, it breaks the immersion and suddenly that arent ✨reading✨ anymore, theyre R E A D I N G

It's boring.

Now this manifests in soooo many ways and I see it in every fic I've proofread. Assume your readers know nothing!!! I mean it!!! If youre detailed enough in your imagery, your reader will be able to imagine the story without having to readjust their visual (I'm looking at you smut writers, I have no clue what position they're in right now and I'm more confused than I am turned on).

I get bored if the paragraph is more than 4 sentences long because its intimidating to look at, its clunky and boring and it doesnt flow AT ALL. This is when readers skim your work to get to dialogue because dialogue is more easily digestible. (but please, make it obvious who's speaking because If I have to reread an entire convo just to figure out who's talking, you're done and Im moving onto the next fic)

Why? Because the punctuation is easy to digest.

Why do you think my paragraphs are so small? Why do you think my narration is sprinkled in between dialogue? Why do you think I switch between dialogue tags and actions?

So I dont lose reader interest (will I still lose some? oh duh, but not nearly as much as I would if I didn't do these things)

You cannot assume your readers know your story the same way you do, you have a specific picture in your head. Do they? Do they even know what they're supposed to be imagining right now?

And thats where the senses come in!!!

See? It all connects.

Do writing exercises, I promise, they actually work. I treat every fic as a writing exercise.

Self Care Day? Dialogue Training.

Exhaust and Exhaustion? Juggling Characters Training.

Petnames? Tense training.

The list goes on and I could explain it all in so much detail but I'll spare you the boredom.

TLDR:

Write anything and write a lot, even if its shitty, because the more you write the more experience you'll get.

Practice with sensory imagery.

Do writing exercises.

Be creative and visual instead of strict and bulletproof esque --- show, dont tell.

Treat your readers like they know nothing and treat them and their attention span like thats the holy grail.

Be creative and literally just have fun and I promise you will see so much growth in your writing.

Please let me know if yall want me to expand on this or to explain anything, my english major brain is literally hardwired for these types of discussions.

[burnedbyshoto]

shallow or deep

— “Why would you want a guy with such a large and disgusting burn?” he whispered, his tone thoroughly rejected, broken. It was then that it hit you: did he think he wasn't good enough for you. —

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

pairing: todoroki shouto x reader

warnings: fluff, angst (insecurities), cursing

word count: 2,544

a/n: I took the shouto has an insecurity over his scar even if it isnt that deep headcanon and ran with it, I hope yall enjoy this!!!! its been awhile since ive managed to write a fic in a single day!!!

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

“You’re quite the handsome man!”

“Oh, thank you.”

“But that scar... don’t you want to get that fixed? I know someone with a quirk who can fix that up for you!”

“Thank you for your concern, but I think I am content with it.”

~

“Without a doubt, you are by far one of the most attractive Pro Heroes to have existed!”

“Thank you for your compliment, but I think it’s my ability to—”

“Don’t you think you would look hotter without your scar? Have you ever considered getting it removed?”

“...no, I haven’t…”

~

“Just imagine how Shouto would look like without his scar, here are some edited pictures for reference!”

“Wow, if I didn’t want to give him my life already, I would sell my soul to the devil to get with a scarless Shouto…”

“I don’t know, I think the scars sexy! Like look at it, it makes him so mysterious and badass! Guys with scars are so fucking hot! But in my opinion, without the scar? Shouto isn’t shit!”

“Guys with scars are hot, I’ll give you that, but not one-fourth of the face scars! He’s extremely handsome still, but it’s a bit tacky for the scar to be there. If it had been like Deku’s arm and hand scars — hell, even Eraserheads face scar — he would be so much finer.”

~

“And just how did you get your scar, Shouto?”

The American interviewer who sat in front of Shouto during this live national interview had the kindest smile on her face, but to the Pro Heroes who sat on the stage alongside Shouto could recognize that shark-like glint in her eyes. Her face was calm, tranquil, beautiful, but her eyes sent bitter acid through the Heroes mouth.

“I’ve already explained what happened in a previous interview,” Shouto spoke calmly, his fingers digging into his knees.

Your eyes looked over to your boyfriend, who seemed to be trying everything in his power to remain calm. You’d only seen this happen through a screen, never in real life.

The interviewer seemed unconcerned with his rebuttal, most likely expecting this from the man who wasn’t one for repeating big stories. Her chin tilted up almost like she was looking down on him, looking down on who he was. 

“Well then, I’ll bite,” she leaned forward, and you felt on edge to attack, but a hand gripped your wrist when a cruel smirk spread on her face. “Do you resent your mother for burning you that night? How do you feel about the fact that it was your mother who ruined your charming looks?”

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

The car was silent.

Your eyes tried to remain focused on the road ahead of you, but to your misplaced anger and hurt, you focused on the side of Shouto’s face every so often while he drove.

The radio wasn’t even on, something the both of you enjoyed blasting because you would sing stupidly loud and Shouto would hum along in his own mirth. The only sound heard was the tires driving against the gravel road and your irritated breathing. 

The two of you had dropped off your friends five minutes ago, the once awkwardly tense car melting to this angry silence between the two of you in the front. 

You hadn’t defended him on live television because Momo held you back, and Shouto allowed the interviewer to defile his family’s past abuse with her keen touch. The silence between the two of you was also irritating you.

Once the interview was done, Shouto had been the first to rise from his chair and to leave. And you were hot on his heels. You hadn’t been forgiving to Shouto when you finally corned him.

“How could you let her talk to you like that, Shouto?” you blazoned, your heart hammering in your chest, anger, humiliation, and sorrow riling you up. “She was a total fucking cunt, and you just took it!”

Shouto stared down at you, that old yet familiar distant look in his eyes — that anger that burned brighter than any fire he could produce flaming in both eyes. 

“Drop it, y/n,” he all but hissed, his face stone, his tone fierce. “You don’t need to fight every single fucking thing that makes me uncomfortable.”

Those words weren’t enough to make you drop it, had it been any other fight you would have continued to press him for what was wrong with him, but it was that look in his eyes. The old look that you had sworn long ago you’d never allow to meet his eyes again.

The anger, humiliation, and broken look that he used to wear every day.

When Shouto finally parked, he didn’t hesitate to get out of the car, the door slamming loudly while you stumbled to follow after him. 

But he was tall, too tall, and was in the house well before you could close your own door. It didn’t deter the way that you stormed towards the house, the devil, and god riding on your shoulder in this battle to figure out what the hell was wrong with Shouto.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

“I don’t resent my mother,” Shouto cooly stated. “It was an unfortunate accident, but fortunately, it hasn’t kept me from anything. I still have complete sight and functionality, so I’m okay. I could never resent my mother.”

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

“Won’t you tell me what’s wrong?” you ask, coming into the house.

This was Shouto’s house, something that Endeavor had gifted to him in his expression of apology. He and his siblings had been given their own homes the moment they turned twenty, and shortly after starting your relationship, he had asked you to move in.

You both were now twenty-three. You were neither each other's firsts on many levels, but there was no denying that this was the best relationship the both of you had. You comforted each other to no level, loved each other like no other. It was almost a shame that you didn’t have any feelings for your old classmate during high school because maybe then you’d been together for longer than a year.

But nevertheless, the two of you held no regrets. His house had become yours with him.

It was a bright place, no matter how dull the day was, it was always vivacious and warm in here.

But not now.

The door closed behind you, and you saw Shouto standing at the kitchen table, head lowered, arms tense. The world seemed grey, dull, and cold. You almost swore the house’s temperature was ten degrees cooler while you approached your boyfriend, who appeared to be trapped in his thoughts.

You neared him, your own anger diminishing slowly when you saw the shadows over his eyes, his teeth gnashing in a grit. 

Sorrow, humiliation, guilt.

That’s all you could read from him, but you needed more from him.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

The interviewer seems to have expected that answer for she remains unfazed, but that predatorial glint in her eyes remains. The eyes of someone who hasn’t shown off their strongest of cards.

“How about relationship-wise? Have any of the beautiful ladies you’ve dated or have wanted to court in the past told you that you’d be much more handsome without it? Don’t you wish that you could be more normal for y/h/n?”

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

“Why would you want a guy with such a large and disgusting burn?” he whispered, his tone thoroughly rejected, broken. It was then that it hit you: did he think he wasn't good enough for you.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

You stood up, the chair you were sitting on scraping loudly against the black floor. The interviewer snapped her attention on you for just a moment, eyes sparkling with the thrill of getting a dramatic reaction from someone.

But Momo and Uraraka held you down, and Sero’s tape came across your mouth to keep you from talking your mind.

“There have been words like that before,” Shouto says, his voice steely smooth. “But as you can see, I’m not dating anyone who shares those same opinions.”

The interviewer seemed to deflate at that answer, obviously not the juicy breakdown she was hoping for. She continued down the mass interview with the most successful class from UA’s hero program, and you continued to fume in your seat. Anger that couldn’t even be quieted by the sour emotions coming off of Shouto in large waves.

⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆⋄⋆⊹⋄⋆

“W-What?” you say almost in a horrified whisper.

Your eyes were wide, unsure if you had heard Shouto correctly. You prayed you had. A fist clenched on your chest, your gaze followed Shouto’s clouded face when he stood up completely.

“You heard me right,” he repeats, his focus on the wall. Finally, his blue and grey eyes focus on you; they’re distant, so far away, you weren’t sure if you could get him back anytime soon. A soft sigh ragged in his chest, nearly choking in his throat when he looked at you. “I was never insecure about my scar growing up… I didn’t have anything in sight except for wanting to be a hero, and hell, even through high school, it didn’t matter. No one in our class mentioned it, and I went on to believe that it while it wasn’t normal, it was in some way.” His hands found your cheeks, pressing onto them gently, and you could feel them tremble slightly. “Then I finally liked someone romantically, and we were thrust into the crazy world of media, and I realized that my burn isn’t normal.”

“S-Shouto…”

“The first person I ever dated told me they knew someone who would fix it up for me for free. The second person… well, they were an idiot and thought if we had children, the burn would be transferred over. More and more people both privately and publicly told me that I would be s-so much better without it… Do you think I’d be better without it?” his lips twisted, and you could only stare up in his eyes that seemed so far away so broken. “Even the ones who liked it, it was some weird fetish of theirs… the truth is, I don’t know how to feel about it. I shouldn’t hate it because it’s who I am, but I hate it because people always have some opinion about it, and no matter what I hear, it always pisses me off. I just… you’re beautiful, y/n. You’re the person in my life that I never want to see leave, and I know that it’s shallow to value people only for their beauty, but I’m not beautiful. Scars and burns are not beautiful, they’re ugly... My looks are decent at best, but that’s all that makes me desirable. Not you, though. You’re gorgeous, your personality and attitude never fail to make everyone feel better, and yet you’re here with me… why would you love someone like me?”

There it was.

His eyes kept to your feet as if he wasn’t worthy of staring you in the face. His hands continue to hold against you in a weak grasp, as if he pressed any harder against you, you would crumble to dust or say you hated him. 

Your hands grasped his wrists, pressing his hands even more against your skin. It was an intense action, so out of the blue that his eyes snapped up to meet yours finally. 

Shouto wasn’t sure what to expect when he looked at your face; he knew you were upset about the interview, and truthfully he wished he hadn’t warned Uraraka, Momo, and Sero to keep you down when those questions were asked — should they have been proposed. He also expected tears, you were always one to be more emotional than he was. 

What he didn’t expect were steely yet warm eyes.

“You’re an idiot, Todoroki Shouto,” you finally speak. You took a step closer to him, your heartbeat in your throat. This was a raw Shouto standing before you. A Shouto, you had no idea how he reacted, no matter how much you knew him. So, if this was a rebuilding scene, a moment to get him to see what you saw, you would take it. “You’re right, scars and burns are ugly. They shouldn’t be romanticized. It’s also not the same as others, who take scars as a sign of overcoming hardships and victory. Your scar is one of a kind… but like you’ve said, shallow traits aren’t enough…” Your chin trembled just the slightest bit, but you couldn’t let yourself cry. No, you had to be strong for him. “You’re the kindest person I know, which knowing the saint that is Midoriya and All Might, it means a lot. I don’t mean it because you’re my boyfriend, or because I want you to feel better, but you had every reason to not be kind in your life and look at you, you’re gentle, you’re sweet. You also speak your mind, no matter what. Your opinions are valuable, and that’s why you’re such a great leader. You were made to become a hero that surpassed All Might, and you did it without ever once going down the road your father had intended for you. You did that. But if we’re going to be looking at the shallow traits, we can do that.

Your scar is a sign of growth. It’s ugly, and it’s beautiful. It’s ugly because it makes you feel like you’re not good for me. It’s ugly because it was such a dark time for you when it came. It’s ugly because it’s an insecurity. But I also see beauty. It’s beautiful because it’s another place I can tenderly love at night. It’s beautiful because who you were back then is just a scar of who you were. It’s beautiful because it’s a source of your strength despite it all. You can think whatever you want of it, Shouto, think it’s good or bad, but because it’s apart of you I have to and I choose to love it. Why would I ever want you to change who you are if you’re comfortable with it? What kind of lover would I be if I decided to love everything but one part of you?” your fingers trailed to his scarred skin, the red skin forever warm under your touch. “Shallow or deep, I will never stop loving you.”

Tears fell from his eyes, and his lips crashed against yours.

The two of you sink to the floor in this wet and sweet embrace. Lips never tearing from each other, fingers wistfully holding on, a silent prayer to each other of your devotions, and hope to never leave each other’s sides. Your fingers continued to stroke against his scar, and he held you so close until you could no longer kiss.

So your wet and bruised lips pressed against his warm scar, gentle and soft reminders that you were there for him until his faint cries became steady breathing.

Todoroki Shouto may never get over the insecurity of his scar, but he’d be damned if he thought for a second whether it was there or not, you’d love him any more or any less. You loved him entirely, and for that, he was forever grateful.

[graffitibible]

Do you have any advice for writing or creating regularly? That’s hard for me and I’d like to get better at it.

it boils down to what works best for you personally tbh. i’ve got a system to write semi-regularly (or i did......restricted movement hours have kinda forced me to restructure that lol) and it works for me but that’s just how my brainyot works. i’m a routine-based creature so working writing into my routine was how i got myself to write semi-regularly. 

ive also had significant Brain Junk for most of my life and was gradually able to navigate how best to create in spite of that but im also like, medicated for it and the like so self-care was a factor. i couldnt create shit while i was too busy lying in a pool of my own filth having fits of paranoia about the nature of reality so i was hardly about to make myself try and create stuff when that wasnt even on my radar. 

i can share some of the things i do to keep myself writing though! like again this isn’t something that’s for sure gonna work for everybody cause everybodys wired differently but i hope some of it helps!

1. daily wordcount - i’ve mentioned this before but i have a daily wordcount that i do for my original fiction. i don’t apply the same standard to fic-writing because that risks making it an arbitrary barrier that puts too many numbers on my internal list. that being said, it’s very small. i make myself do 200 words per day. if that gets me going and writing more than that, awesome. if not, i still got a little bit done. 200 words is small, and it’s not overwhelming to catch up on if i miss a day. no matter how shitty im feeling i try to get in 200 words.

2. routine - since i’m a routine-based person by nature i basically found ways to finagle creative processes into all that. it’s not hard and fast because that kind of rigid structure makes me balk and i’m not that disciplined lol, but it’s usually something like “i have an hour-long lunch break at work and literally nothing else to do during it so i’ll write in that time period” or “i have thirty minutes of sitting by the stove making dinner so i’ll write until it’s ready”

3. momentum - or what my housemate fondly calls “The Juice.” if i have The Juice of inspiration i keep that going for as long as i can. if something’s not working for me i don’t scrap it or toss it right away. if i’m having trouble with a scene i make a note to myself and move on to a different one. example of this from my latest wip, which is part iv of mayhem

i hadnt worked out what was gonna go there and nothing was coming to me easy in the moment so i stuck the note there and kept going. my works are full of this shit. if i can’t think of a name or if there’s a statistic or a character i haven’t worked out yet i don’t wanna break my focus and momentum so i slap a note in the first draft and keep going. at a first draft stage the important thing is getting the words Out so it doesnt matter if theyre perfect. ill go back and fix them later, revise all i need to. first drafts dont need to be good, they just need to be there so i can spruce them up later.

on the flip side do not be like me and commit to this momentum so bad that you forget that you are a human being who needs to eat and consume liquids. i do that sometimes because of who i am as a person and it is a serious flaw of mine, do not be like this. sometimes getting some food in you is what you need to get The Juice flowing again and that sounds kinda gross and i am sorry

4. planning and hangups - this ones dependent on how you create. i forget where this analogy came from, but i’ve heard it said that some writers are architects who need a blueprint of where they’re going before they end up there and some writers are gardeners, who don’t need a set plan so much as they need to keep going. i’m definitely an architect - a lot of my works start out as bulletpoints of what scenes i wanna cover, what topics i wanna explore, etc. - though i have on occasion simply Written without any set destination, usually to force myself out of a creative slump. me being a big planner used to be one of the biggest barriers for me creatively because i’d spend hours agonizing over minute universe details and never start the dang story. this still happens from time to time. like heres what my organizational folder looks like wrt “pray for disaster”

that is not even all the files in there. why do i have two dictionaries. jesus. like i make these giant ass fuckin....tomes of stuff i like to keep track of, which i like to call “bibles” lol. except i could tell that getting too organized was gonna be an uphill battle with very little payoff so by the end i just made a “MISCELLANEOUS BULLSHIT” doc and for now i throw everything in there if it doesn’t fit into something like a dictionary or timeline

shit like this is why i like to just sit down and write without a clear destination in mind if i’m having writer’s block. that’s one of those things that goes hand in hand with the way i take advantage of my own momentum - if i reach a certain point where i’m just picking at details and not doing any writing i just go “ok motherfucker sit down and write shit. we will work out the details later.”

5. motivation - the ways i tend to motivate myself are weird so idk how true this is for anybody else but i’ve been writing for a pretty large part of my life. i went to college for english/creative writing and got a whole dang degree cause i still wanna make this my vocation somehow. one thing i cannot ever turn off is the writer part of my brain that’s going “oooh huh that’s not how i would’ve written that” in literally every piece of art i consume - tv, movies, books, songs, etc. sometimes that’s enough to inspire me into doing something on my own time. most of the time though if i’m feeling stumped i tend to crack open some of my personal favorite works, like books or fics that have really resonated with me, to fall in love with the art all over again. seeing the way different authors and artists do their craft helps me get in the zone of wanting to write more cause i get this nice feeling of “damn, these people really did those things with those words.....that’s fuckin amazing.....i wanna do that.” 

you do risk falling into the trap of “ugh i can’t write like them though” but that’s the beauty of writing. nobody can write the way anybody else does. ofc i can’t write like terry pratchett, only terry pratchett can write like terry pratchett, and if i compare myself to terry pratchett i’m only gonna get sad and mopey. but i can write in a way thats totally unique to me so i should not try to write like terry pratchett because that’s just impeding my own creative energy in the interest of trying to cookie-cut myself into someone else’s zone. only terry pratchett can write like terry pratchett but only i can write like zero graffitibible.

i hope that was helpful? like this is all stuff that works for me so no guarantee it’ll work for everyone else.

oh right and idk how many of yall are minors because let it be known that i do not condone underage drinking; i am an adult who occasionally will get crunk because i like to write drunk and edit sober. if you too are an adult who can legally consume alcohol feel free to write while buzzed because that is a nice way to write with zero fuckin inhibitions. i dont get blackout drunk or nothing just a little buzzed and sometimes what i write makes no sense but i am at times at my most productive at 2am while mildly buzzed. its a thing.

like again i’m not really an authority on this by any means - this is just what works for me. but if it works for you too, great!! find your zone and all that

[wanderingpages]

Anon M (CEO AU) Part 1 (Im sorry for doing this to you)

(My [wanderingpages] responses are in this color!)

First and foremost, I apologize for making you do this, peach.

CEO AU Part 1 thoughts

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh Im so excitedddddddddd

Starting off strong, as always

“CEO of Greenbriar Industries, of course” what of course, jude I wasn’t able to make that connection on my first read (but it’s in the title lol)

OH THEYRE BOTH ADULTS THANK FUCKING GOD (😭😭😭)

Butterflies for CEO Cardan are already in my poor stomach

GEEZ CARDAN WE JUST STARTED YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE THIS SEXY

“Cancel It.” “wtf man WAIT DON’T DROP THOSE oh my fucking god DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO ORGANIZE THOSE” “I don’t care, do a better job next time” (icons being icons)

Oh jude you are TOTALLY working for the devil (he’s an angel)

Ew who would choose kale over pizza (no offense to anyone who cant eat pizza)

Wtf did balekin do here again (never stated yet! Later plot)

I am going to pretend that idk whats gonna happen next because ive forgotten like half this shit

I kinda want to see her kick him in the balls (me too. So many missed opportunities tbh)

CEO CARDAN BEST CARDAN

(except for canon lol I really love him)

June lol

MARRIAGE LOL

Okay cardan could’ve been less blunt ill give jude that (lol ngl... All my au Cardans are blunt 🤷🏻‍♀️ character trait that transcends)

HAHAHAHAH IT HAPPENED

Nis gasps

Orlagh gasps

Jude chokes (someone in the distance, probably oak, “what do you mean someone shot archduke Franz Ferdinand?!”)

Jude wanting the cute umbrella is peak fleshing out of her character peach you are a GODDESS

The audacity lol

The be happy im laughing and not screaming lol

BOOP

“don’t tell my fiancé. Hes also my boss.” Peach you have already reached peak romance I love you (can’t believe this is my take on romance)

Mrs Jude Cardan Greenbriar Duarte this is great

CEO CARDAN SPLUTTERING IN CONFUSION sobs this is why I love him (bc jude said: choke me like you choke me when you choke me ~ uwu 😌🌸)

YES FIRE VALERIAN GET THAT CREEP OUT (hes not the creep here) (he’s the only one not on drugs in this fic, everyone else is on ketamine. And that’s on [CEO AU] canon 🙈😌)

This is already steamier than dark au just saying (ive got an obvious favourite im kinda biased, as if yall couldn’t tell) (lmao DARK ACTUALLY HAS A PLOT LEAVE MY PROBLEM CHILD ALONE)

Okay if someone proposed to me like that id say yes

She actually tries to kill him in the morning I think

END OF THOUGHTS

Lolololol im loving this

Im loving doing this

I am praying to you (hahaha thank you for entertaining me 🥲 abt time the table have turned 😌😌😌)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH CEO CARDAN

[not-just-any-fangirl]

Days Of Summer Ch 6

A/N; Hey yall sorry for the wait! With school and some personal things we kinda lost track of his fic <3<3 feel free to come and talk to @hannah-nobody or myself about this fic tho, we love ti!

Here’s the updated playlist!

Summer has arrived, and with it the start of the two month long music camp; Fairy Tail! Full of new songs, friends, and adventures, the campers learn things they never knew about themselves and one another. And just how easy it is to sneak booze and a full sized karaoke machine out into the middle of the woods.

Camp Rock!AU

Pairing: Nalu, Gajevy, Gruvia, others mentioned; Fairy Tail

Words: 5379

Rating: T

Parts: Chapter One, Chapter Two, Chapter Three, Chapter Four, Chapter Five, Chapter Six, Chapter Seven

Chapter Six: Misery Hates Company

I don't belong to my mistakes

Tired of sleeping wide awake

It's killing me slowly

It's crowded and lonely

Natsu woke up staring at the ceiling of his bunk, unsure how he got there and surrounded by darkness.

Then he remembered.

And then he rolled over and tried to smother himself with his pillow.

“What the fuck did I do ?” Natsu wailed. The song. He sang that fucking song to Lucy. He'd made a giant fool of himself on stage. He was going to be sick, and not just from the leftover whiskey in his stomach.

“Well, you sent Lucy into a mini panic attack, then asked Cana if she could give her the trick she shared with you to calm down, then passed out when Gray here punched you in the face.” Loke drawled, unperturbed at Natsu waking up screaming past midnight. “Overall it was a hell of a first performance. Really scene stealing.”

Natsu moaned in a rather pathetic sound as he went back to trying to kill himself with his bedding. Maybe he'd just stay in the cabin for the rest of camp. His dad would probably miss the final performance anyway so no big loss.

“Oi, at least she proves the point you weren't hallucinating,” Gajeel supplied from under Natsu, like an awkward and sleep deprived troll under a bridge.

“But that's the worst possible thing that could happen!” Natsu spat. He was not feeling tears prick his eyes and he was not so pathetic to continue to have his emotions on display for his dickhead bunkmates.

“Why the fuck not?” Gajeel spat back, jostling Natsu as he probably kicked the plank under Natsu’s mattress. Loke too was confused, Natsu forcing himself not to tear apart his pillow when he spoke up as well.

“I mean, isn't it better to have everything out in the open?”

“Of course it's not, you fuckwit.” Gray finally snapped. Natsu looked over, Gray curled in his blanket and facing firmly away from him. “Lucy would have been much happier without ever knowing that her first kiss was with a fucking perverted scene wannabe like him .”

Natsu curled in on himself before throwing off the covers. He needed air. He needed to be alone.

“Fuck off already, what is your fuckin’ problem with my cousin?” Gajeel snarled. Natsu froze, caught off guard by Gajeel’s words. He never called Natsu his cousin, said he didn't want anyone to affiliate them with each other when Gajeel went big. “Ever since we got here you've been nothin’ but an ass. Not even Natsu deserves that bullshit twenty-four seven.”

Natsu blinked at his cousin’s defence.

“He took advantage of her when she was drunk-”

“Holy hell Gray. If you really believe that Natsu could take advantage of a drunk girl then come down here and look me in the eye when you say it. Natsu doesn't have a fucking malicious bone in his body and I understand that your fragile masculinity took a hit from failing to ‘protect’ Lucy or whatever but it's time you stop blaming Natsu for that shit. And yourself. Just accept that shit happens and there's nothing you can do but move on.” Loke huffed when he finished, rustling sounds of fabric indicating that he rolled over.

Natsu was pretty sure he was still drunk because nothing was making any sort of damn sense. Maybe he was having a whiskey dream.

He was still going to take that walk.

“Oi,” Gajeel grunted, freakishly good eyesight catching Natsu making his way down the ladder, “whad’ya think you’re doin’?”

“Getting some air,” Natsu said back. He grabbed his hoodie from where it had been thrown in the corner, by him or Gajeel he couldn’t remember. Happy mrawed at him as his bed was moved, jumping onto Gajeel’s bed and cuddling with Lily instead. Natsu mentally apologized to his cat, but was more thankful to feel his iPod in his pocket. Hopefully the charge wasn’t completely dead.

“You... you don’t have to go, dipshit,” Gray made more shuffling noises in his bunk, obviously uncomfortable.

“Aww, scared I’m going to get lost before you have the chance to apologize properly?” Natsu teased, unsure what to do at Gray’s olive branch and his defense swatting it away before he could stop his mouth from moving.

“On second thought I hope you drown in the lake. Bye.”

Natsu snorted, rolling his eyes as he walked around the suitcases that hadn’t made their way back under the bunks. He’d rather have this rivalry with Gray than try to unpack whatever the fuck was going on in either of their heads. He needed to focus all his energy of reliving every terrible moment and fantasizing about how much Lucy probably hated him.

God he was so fucked.

He threw in his headphones, praying as he pressed the button on his right earbud to play his music that his battery was still alive.

He left out a breath of relief as he exited the cabin before recognizing the song that was playing.  

When you were here before

Couldn't look you in the eye.

You're just like an angel.

Your skin makes me cry.

Fuck.

He continued walking, debating changing the song or accepting his fate. The chorus rang in his ears as he reached the edge of where the cabins were tucked away, haunting and painful and true.

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo.

What the hell am I doing here?

I don't belong here.

Natsu decided to let it play.

Loke woke up to his phone buzzing.

He frowned not remembering setting an alarm last night. He felt beside his pillow, hand splayed as he searched for the source of irritating buzzing. He finally found it, half shoved under his pillow. He squinted at the screen, bringing it so close it almost brushed his nose, blind without his contacts or glasses. Loke blinked in surprise when he saw that the vibrating was a steady stream of texts coming in from Lucy and Cana. He looked at the time. 7:13 AM.

This wouldn’t be good.

He unlocked the screen, deciding to start with Cana’s texts.

Alcoholic Princess - 6:59 AM: so Lucy’s awake

Alcoholic Princess - 6:59 AM: she’s not happy

Alcoholic Princess - 7:01 AM: Correction: She is Very Not Happy

Alcoholic Princess - 7:02 AM: Loke you’re the best at calming her she is yelling at me through text and not talking to me.

Alcoholic Princess - 7:04 AM: Loke I think I might have fucked up a little bit last night.

Alcoholic Princess - 7:04 AM: just a little

Alcoholic Princess - 7:06 AM: don’t tell her I said that

Alcoholic Princess - 7:10 AM: fuck

“Just a little bit,” Loke snorted under his breath. Hey, how were they supposed to know Natsu would be such a light weight? That wasn’t Loke’s fault, and it certainly wasn’t Natsu’s. Loke looked at the bunk diagonal to his, frowning at the unpleasant twist in his gut seeing it empty. A small meow took his attention from the phone vibrating in his hand and the empty bunk, Loke looking down to see Natsu’s blue cat sitting by the foot of his bed and staring at him with sad eyes.

“Do you know where he is?” Loke asked Happy. He sighed when the cat made a sad sound, slinking onto the bed as it took Loke speaking to it as invitation onto his bed. Loke decided it was probably best to deal with Lucy now before she stewed too long.

My Sunshine - 7:00 AM: Did you know?

My Sunshine - 7:00 AM: Loke I swear to god

My Sunshine - 7:01 AM: Get your ass up I know you’re a morning person

My Sunshine - 7:01 AM: As if you’d miss your skincare routine

My Sunshine - 7:03 AM: Answer me you coward

My Sunshine - 7:04 AM: Okay so you didn’t know but what did Natsu ever do to you that you decided it’d be funny to get him drunk?

My Sunshine - 7:06: AM Oh my god is Natsu okay

My Sunshine - 7:07 AM: Why didn’t he tell me? Loke ask him why he didn’t tell me

Loke looked at the empty bed again. How did he end up in the middle of this?

My Sunshine - 7:10 AM: Loke

My Sunshine - 7:11 AM: Oh my god Loke I kissed Natsu

My Sunshine - 7:11 AM: I’ve had my first kiss

My Sunshine - 7:11 AM: LOKE

My Sunshine - 7:11 AM: LOKE IVE KISSED A BOY

My Sunshine - 7:13 AM: AND GRAY KNEW ABOUT IT

My Sunshine - 7:14 AM: the stupid emo’s not responding to my texts

My Sunshine - 7:14 AM: tell Gray to get his ass to my cabin

My Sunshine - 7:14 AM: we

My Sunshine - 7:14 AM: are

My Sunshine - 7:14 AM: going

My Sunshine - 7:14 AM: to

My Sunshine - 7:14 AM: talk

Loke rolled over, groaning into his pillow.

This was so not good. And it was all Gray’s stupid fault.

Me - 7:15 AM: Be there in a minute bae

My Sunshine - 7:15 AM: I haven’t decided if you can call me bae yet or if I’m still angry at you.

Me - 7:16 AM: My everescent and wonderful star, I promise this was entirely Gray’s fuck up

My Sunshine - 7:16 AM: You can call me bae

My Sunshine - 7:16 AM: For now

Loke grinned at his phone before lifting his leg and kicking the bottom of Gray’s bunk. Hopefully by his dumb head.

“We’re going to Lucy’s cabin and she’s pissed so if you say anything stupid that makes her cry I’m throwing you in the lake myself.” Loke called, grabbing his glasses from under his bunk. He’d deal with the contacts when the birds weren’t still asleep.

“Fuck no,” drifted from Gray’s pillow, and Loke was utterly done with his best friend’s bullshit.

“Fuck yes. You got yourself in this mess by keeping it from her and bae, it’s time you reap what you sow.” Loke said flatly, getting dressed quickly. He’d do his skincare routine later. Gray grunted, jumping from the bed in only his boxers, hair messed and glare deadly if not for Loke’s done-ness with him so early in the morning. The got ready in silence, neither giving a farewell to the lump of blanket that was Gajeel. He’d really have to get Natsu’s and his other bunkmate’s numbers, that is if Natsu hadn’t gotten eaten by a fucking wild cat.

Not that Loke was still harbouring ill wishes for the two furballs that he was being forced to live with.

Even if the blue one was adorable.

Loke contemplated if he was growing into a cat person during the otherwise painfully quiet walk to Lucy and Cana’s cabin. Soft tapping sounds made Loke’s left eye twitch, knowing the sound of Gray’s growing anxiety and how close he was to either punching something or grabbing a smoke. Loke spoke when the sound of tapping and crunching of gravel grew to be too much, already pissed at having to skip his moisturizing routine. If he even saw so much as one wrinkle or the hint of bags under his eyes he would smother Gray the first chance he got. “For someone who almost died from asthma you think filling your lungs with toxic tar smoke would be less appealing.”

“You’d think with how blind you are without your glasses you’d keep your nose out of your damn phone more. But I guess we’re both dumbasses,” Gray snapped, drumming out a quick and syncopated rhythm on his thigh. Like rolled his eyes, pulling out his phone to spite Gray. He tapped in the passcode, Freddie Mercury's birthday. There was no other bi icon that was as flamboyant and dazzling and talented, all aspects that Loke aspired to be. He scrolled through Twitter, keeping updated on all the gossip that had happened on a weeknight with the people from his school, music writing group, model agency. He was bored quickly, closing the app and flicking on Instagram. A message popped up on the top of his screen just as he double tapped a video of a pair of lion cubs playing, Loke smiling slightly when he saw who it was. He tucked the phone closer, glaring at Gray’s half used cigarette in his mouth, red glow quick as it burned down the white stick.

Fluffball - 7:36 AM: Good morning :3

Me - 7:36 AM: It is truly a good morning now that you have graced my phone with your attention. How did my heart sleep?

Fluffball - 7:37 AM: Your flirting is much less convincing when I see you hit on anything that smiles at you, love

Me - 7:38 AM: You wound me muffin.

Me - 7:38 AM: You know my eye may wander but my heart never will

Fluffball - 7:40 AM: Uh huh. We’ve been best friends since we were two. I know when you full of poo

Fluffball - 7:41 AM: But I love you anyway <3

Fluffball - 7:41 AM: I have to go, those costumes won’t fix themselves!

Me - 7:42 AM: I’ll see you at lunch?

Fluffball - 7:43 AM: When have I ever missed a date?

Loke smiled, fingers tapping along the side of his case as he read through their messages.

“God, I really don’t want to die a virgin,” Gray groaned. Loke lifted his head, brow raising as he watched his ‘friend’ twitch and grind the cigarette out with his heel, frozen in front of Lucy and Cana’s cabin. He said ‘friend’ because real friends wouldn’t drag Loke into this kind of bullshit before one PM, instead falling on his own sword gallantly and with grace.

“Shoulda taken up that red head’s offer last May then,” Loke said flatly. He knocked on the door, slipping his phone into his pocket and crossing his arms as he waited. Gray whined, and Loke sighed loudly, grabbing his collar. As if he’d let him run away.

Loke refused to face the wrath of Lucy alone.

The door flew open and revealed Lucy in all of her pajama and messy haired glory. She grabbed the front of Gray’s collar, dragging him into the cabin with a deadly glare. Gray squeaked like a five year old girl. Loke wished he had recorded it. He sighed as he step into the cabin, identical to his own aside from girls clothes strewn on the railings of the bunks and several suitcases thrown open with make-up and hair products spilling from them. He lingered as he passed a small blue one that held some of the highest quality foundation he had seen, scowling when he recognized it as Ivory rather than the Nude or Flawless Natural, much too dark to pass for such a white colour. But maybe when he found the girl with this bag he could ask about her highlighters...

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!”

Oh, right, Lucy’s world rocking revelation.

“I didn’t think it was that important,” Gray shrugged off. His hands were shoved in his pockets, face turned down and away from Lucy as he glared at a bright pink and polkadotted duffel bag. Loke snorted as he leaned against the bunk that Levy was sitting on top of. He shared a tired look with the short haired girl, hey eye bags looking as exhausted as Loke felt.

This was going to be the fucking opposite of fun.  

“You didn’t think my first kiss was important?” Lucy shrieked. She paced several feet, hands switching from crossing and folding behind her back. He wondered if she’d gotten any sleep, which was a dumb thing to think about considering he knew how she got when something bothered her. Either it needed to be solved or destroyed, and Lucy would never cut of a friendship with someone. “Gray what the hell?”

“You were drunk!” He shouted, finally looking at her. “It wasn’t your first kiss if you can’t remember it, and I didn’t think you two would ever see each other again.”

“That was not your decision to make,” Lucy hissed.

“I know I ain’t exactly the queen of good decisions, but even I know that was fucked up dude,” Cana interjected from where she sat on the bunk across from Loke, holding one of Lucy’s plushies to her chest and resting her chin between the pink cat ears.

“And how would she have reacted if I’d told her she’d made out with a random stranger at a music festival while drunk off one of your special concoctions?” Gray asked sarcastically. Cana made a face at him and he growled, running both hands through his hair before fisting at the sides of it. “Lucy, you would have freaked out and been horrified. You’d have been miserable all through your exams and that would make you even more stressed to shit. It wouldn’t have been worth it.”

“But it wasn’t your decision to make.” Lucy said back, pushing each word through her teeth with emphasis. “And now he’s here, and obviously Natsu remembered our kiss.”

“He wasn’t supposed to be here!” Gray growled, tugging on his hair again before shoving his hands back into his jean pockets.

“Well he is! And so am I! And he must think I’m the worst for forgetting him! Or worse, what if he thought I was just ignoring him? What if he hates me now?” Lucy asked, voice growing smaller with each question, less yelling at Gray and more worrying out loud. She hugged herself, flannel sleep shirt pulling on the sleeves as it was stretched. Lucy buried her face in her hands, Loke pushing off his standing post in distress.

“O-oi,” Gray called, hands hovering over her shoulders and all tense defensiveness leaving him. If anyone hated it more when Lucy cried than herself it would be Gray. The poor bastard could barely handle his own emotions, much less deal with someone so close’s.

“Way to go dickface!” Cana called, glaring from her spot on Lucy’s bed and shuffling over for the blonde to cuddle with her. “You made her cry!”

“I’m n-not crying,” Lucy sniffled.

Loke shot the nastiest glare that he could at Gray, not even satisfied when he watched him pale and duck his head in shame. He returned to leaning on his post when Gray grabbed Lucy’s arms and pulled her into a tight hug, Lucy pushing back for a second before hugging him fiercely. Loke smirked at Grays sharp grunt, Lucy punching him in the gut once before returning to holding him.

“No offence, Luce, but why are you so upset about a guy you barely know?” Gray asked, petting her head in the most natural way Loke had seen Gray show affection, went meant it was still stiff as fuck and somehow both awkward and endearing to watch happen.

“I’m more upset that you didn’t tell me.” Lucy mumbled, squeezing Gray tight enough to pull a grunt of pain from him. Her head twisted on his chest, Loke feeling ice crawl through his blood at her flat glare and watery gaze as she looked at him. “And don’t think I didn’t notice you lack of response to finding out I’ve had my first kiss either.”

“Bae, it wasn’t my place to butt in.” Loke felt his smile falter the longer Lucy leveled him with her unconvinced glare.

“You mean you were waiting for it to blow up in Gray’s face.”

“Yes.”

Loke shared a smirk with Cana, his other best friend cackling at his easy admittance.

“Thanks bae ,” Gray growled, setting his chin on top of Lucy’s head. She’d pretend to be upset for the first few weeks Gray had realized he was tall enough to do that know, but everyone saw how much she smiled when he did it. Or rested his elbow on her shoulder. Lucy got back at him by painting his nails, either a nice colourful black or if Gray was in a good enough mood a deep, deep , blue.

“He said it! Lucy, Gray said bae! Did you feel his heart thaw? Did it begin to beat like a normal human’s again? Gray, tell me, how does it feel to live ?”

Lucy snorted, burying her face in Gray’s chest as he grumbled insults into her hair. He tensed suddenly, scowling down at Lucy when she turned her face back to Loke. “Nope, he’s still our Tin Man.”

“Juvia could check for Gray’s pulse,” Juvia squeaked, burying her face back into her blanket when Gray looked at her.

“I think we’ve got it covered Juvi, though I’m sure Gray here wouldn’t mind getting a physic-”

“Cana,” Levy sighed. Loke grinned up at her, pleased to see her standing up to the other girl. While friendly and awesome, Cana had a tendency to steamroll things, and Loke was relieved that it wouldn’t just be Lucy having to keep her in check, God knew he and Gray were useless at corralling her.

Lucy sighed, tightness from her shoulders melting away as she continued to speak again, voice smaller than before and making Loke intently aware that easiness they’d brought back to the cabin was gone. “I guess I’m also upset that I forgot my first kiss. And he seems like such a nice guy too, to remember a random girl he met at a concert? I probably wasn’t even his best kiss, all drunk and gross. I can’t believe he’d even want to talk to me after I made such a fool out of myself in front of him.”

“It is alright Lucy, your’s and Natsu’s kiss was Natsu’s first kiss as well. Gajie was very concerned for his cousin that he had started to hallucinate such an event.” Juvia said, smile kind and encouraging. Lucy wailed, turning into Gray’s startled arms.

“That’s worse!”

“That’s what Natsu said,” Loke grumbled. He didn’t understand how any of this was a bad thing, they were obviously into one another, why not just get on with the fun part of dating and skip all the awkwardness?

“Lucy, it’ll be fine,” Cana soothed, staying in her spot on the bed and trusting Gray to not make things worse. “I’m sure he understands you were drunk, and didn’t mean to not recognize him. The dork doesn’t seem the to type to hold grudges.”

“I know what it’s like to be forgotten. I never thought I’d turn out like my dad.” Lucy mumbled, voice sounding tight again as she muffled it in Gray’s -miraculously- clothed chest. Cana sobered instantly, sharing a heavy look with Loke as he pushed off from his leaning post.

“You’re nothing like him, Lucy,” Gray hissed. “Absolutely nothing.”

She gave a weak laugh, and Loke’s mouth twisted sourly at her disbelief of his words. Lucy was friendly and compassionate and outgoing, nothing like her prestige focused father. While they all knew he loved her, they knew Jude loved the idea of what he could turn Lucy into more. Another business person to lead the company, his little puppet and yes-man as he made more deals and gained more power. A pretty face to show to the outside world.

“A guy like Natsu wouldn’t kiss ya if you were anything like Jude,” Loke said, forcing a grin on as he continued speaking. “Too much mustache.”

“What was he like this morning?”

Loke’s heart lept to his throat the same time Gray whimpered, his joke passed unnoticed as Lucy turned the conversation back to the present. Neither were keen on telling Lucy they had lost the pink haired boy around midnight and he hadn’t returned when they woke up. Cana had grown attached to the shy nerd, and Loke had to admit he had too, if not to the same extent as his alcoholic friend. There was just something about his bright smile and the impish glint he got in his eye when he laughed or made a snide comment, his fluffy hair reminding Loke of a duckling when he got rid of that damn beanie.

Loke didn’t feel up to dealing with the man-hunt Cana would lead looking for the idiot.

“Uh,” Loke drew out, ignoring Gray’s panicked shaking of his head over Lucy’s shoulder. “He wasn’t exactly there when we got up...”

“Does Loke or Gray know where Natsu is?” A light and musical voice asked. Loke looked up at Juvia, her hair piled in a messy bun over her head, blankets pulled her to chin and making her a giant lump of ugly-washed-out-baby-blue that was the camp supplied blanket.

“Uhhhh,” Gray said, helpfully.

“He’s on the grounds?” Loke followed up. He tried to smile at end, cowering slightly under Lucy’s loud squawk and Cana’s glower.

“How do you lose a sixteen year old boy?” Levy asked. Loke looked at her, betrayed. They were literally on the same side of the room, how dare she turn on their unagreed alliance and bonding of sharing a look while Gray was an ass.

“We ain’t his keepers,” Gray mumbled, resting his chin on Lucy’s head despite her trying to pull back to yell at them. “The bastard can walk around at midnight without us keepin’ tabs on him.”

“You let him wander around a camp in the middle of the woods at midnight while he was drunk ?” Lucy shrieked.

“Gray punched Natsu so hard he has a bruise!”

“What the fuck dude?”

Loke shrugged at Gray’s aghast look. He wasn’t going down without throwing a few friends under the bus. All was fair in love and not dying before legally going to a bar. Besides, he had a lunch date he couldn’t miss.

“Gray!”

“Loke and Cana got him drunk, why aren’t you yelling at them?” Gray barked. Loke brought a hand to his chest, offended that Gray would would do such a thing to him. Just because Loke would use him as a scapegoat doesn’t mean Gray had to sink to the same level.

“Speaking of that,” Lucy whirled on Loke. He held his hands up, paralyzed under her sharp look. “What did Natsu ever do to you for you to be so mean?”

“I was helping him!” Loke gaped at her, looking at Cana for support. “He’s just a major light weight! Gray said he hoped Natsu drowned when he left the cabin!”

Gray whined again as Lucy pulled from his arms, hands fisted on her hips as she glared at him like a mother might glare at a five year old she had caught drawing on the walls.

“I didn’t mean it,” he defended sourly, pulling at the neck of his shirt. And then throwing it onto Lucy’s bed. “He was being a prick! He just- that scene bastard gets under my skin with his stupid questions and dye job and stupid laugh.”

“Natsu’s hair is naturally rose,” Juvia said. Loke sputtered, everyone twisting to look at Juvia in shock.

“How the fuck did that happen?” Cana asked, smiling in disbelief at the bottom of the bunk above her. Juvia shrugged, pulling the blanket up to cover her nose as all eyes remained trained on her. Loke wondered what her talent was if she was so stage shy. “I wonder if the curtain matches the drapes.”

“ Cana!”

Cana grinned and shrugged under the shouts by the rest of the room, reminding Loke of the time he had caught Gajeel’s cat eating a kiwi of all things on Loke’s bed. Pleased with themself and uncaring of Loke’s outrage.

“Juvia would appreciate not talking about Gajie’s cousin’s genitals, please,” Juvia said shyly, face bright red as she peeked above her blanket.

“I’m with Juvia,” Levy said. “It’s too early in the morning to talk about dicks.”

“We’re talking about Gray.”

“Dude!”

Loke grinned at Gray’s offended bark, smile brightening when he saw Lucy grin and giggle into her hand at Loke’s insult of Gray. Being mean to Gray always made Lucy laugh if it wasn’t too harsh, especially because Gray always gave as good as he got. He was glad she was starting to calm down. He hated seeing her stressed.

“Does anyone have his number?” Lucy asked, hands fiddling in front of her and her gaze flicking anxiously between everyone.

“The boy’s lost and you’re trying to wheel him? Naughty naughty,” Cana cooed. She squeezed the stuffed cat pillow to her in glee, eyes sparkling as she grinned at Lucy.

Lucy sputtered, pink coating her cheeks in a way Loke had to bite his tongue to stop himself from calling cute, knowing Lucy was not above stealing his phone and deleting all his selfies in this kind of mood. Not that Loke couldn’t just take more, but sometimes the light was just right and who was he to deny a hint of divine intervention?

“I- I’m just worried about him! Shut up!”

Loke sighed and walked over to Cana, laying on Lucy’s bed and claiming her lap with his head.

“I don’t know bae, you seem pretty keen,” Loke teased.

“You seem pretty keen!” Lucy shot back, her arms crossed over her chest and her leg twitching in way it did when Lucy wanted to stomp her foot. Loke, Cana, and Gray had a running competition to see who could get Lucy to stomp her foot the most, and whoever won by the beginning of September got twenty bucks from the other two, each. And bragging rights.

“Great come back Lulu,” Levy called. She smirked as Lucy turned her glare-slash-pout on her, blowing her a kiss and wink. Loke silently forgave Levy for the earlier betrayal.

“Juvia has texted Natsu, and he says he’s fine aside from craving the sweet release of death. Or a nap. Natsu is undecided as of yet and says that it will be decided by if they’re serving pancakes for breakfast and how much Love Rival remembers about last night. Oh, Natsu said not tell you that. Forget what Juvia just said, please!”

Loke looked around, confused.

“Who’s ‘Love Rival’?”

“It’s what Juvi here calls Luce ‘cus she thinks Lucy wants to jump Gray despite clearly having a thing for natural pink-ettes or whatever the fuck his hair colour is called.” Cana pet Loke’s head as she talked, nodding sagely at his incredulous look.

“Those two are as likely to hook up as you and Bacchus.” Loke laughed, Cana grinning widely at his comparison.

“What! No! Gross! I mean, Lucy’s hot but like in a sister way where you ignore it and punch anyone who says it out loud! Not like... that! Just... I mean... no.” Gray spoke over himself, vehement in his denial while also trying not to insult Lucy. Loke wished he had got it on video, the raven haired boy’s face darkening with heat the longer he stumbled on his words.

His hands twitched at his belt, and Loke was not in the mood for an 8 AM peep show.

“C’mon, lets go get some pancakes from the mess hall before they’re all gone. And then I am heading back to my cabin to moisturize.” Loke grunted as he sat up, throwing Gray’s shirt at him. “Then we can all go and be awkwardly silent because Natsu and Lucy will refuse to make eye contact or resolve their love as we see who’s been paired on the announcements board. I hope whoever I’m paired with is cute.”

Lucy looked away, not denying Loke’s comment as she kicked at a green slipper on the floor. Gray re-dressed. Juvia watched from between her fingers. Levy looked both amused and fed up with all the yelling in her cabin.

“Juvia hopes they have blackberry.”

“You and me both sister,” Cana said, clinking her favourite flask to the side of the bed before taking a heavy sip.

Well, at least the day looked like it was going to be a lot more fun than the morning had promised.

Playlist:

Misery Hates Company - The Colour Morale Creep - Radiohead Hard Times - Paramore Find ‘Em, Fool ‘Em and Forget ‘Em - Anderson East With A Little Help From My Friends - Joe Crocker

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 1 | Part.2 “GET YOUR BOTTLES OUT YOUR BONGS YOUR CRACK” - Adam

GET YOUR BOTTLES OUT YOUR BONGS YOUR CRACK WHATEVER YOU WANNA CELEBRATE WITH GORLS BECAUSE WE DID IT!!! I've offically conquered my biggest fear of playing in any of these games for the third time in a row, i will NOT be the first boot! I also am keeping my own lil personal record of never having to go to the first tribal council of the season which is wig, although idk lmao i kinda wanted to go to tribal just because im gonna be honest, i want to PLAY the game. Right now everyone is still kinda in that annoying honeymoon woohoo go team phase, which granted I do want us to keep up for the numbers, but ... im bored. im trying my best to keep up and be in the social circle but i swear actually talking to other people is probably one of the hardest things for me, especially the whole call culture thing like oh gorl i dont even like talking to my grandma on the phone, like im all for group calls but when people message me wanting to do 1 on 1 calls? uh.... my commitment issues jumped out. I hope that doesnt hinder me in the game because im really trying my best with what ive got to make friends and hope people just dont hate me and wanna vote me out, but i still feel like im not doing enough. Maybe im just being hard on myself, ive been having good convos with AJ, Augusto, and Amir, kinda Austin too, but then i feel bad I haven't connected as much with Connor or Kendall, but i do enjoy them on the tribe. My strategy now is gonna be to just work on my social game since we wont have to go to tribal, maybe tone down my dying urge to just wanna strategize, especially because my first time i played i spent too much time talking game and not enough getting to know the people and it ultimately cost me in the end. But i'm also concerned no one is talking game with me really but amir and aj so like.... i literally STILL have no idea how half these people feel about each other from a game perspective, which is okay i guess ,ill be patient, keep my fake smile on and haha hehe'ing with everyone, but just know i have my knife in my boot and im READY to whip it out whenever. But not tonight, we did good, so now i can focus my energy back on this DAMN TOMB. see yall at 2:29 am on the dot!

YAY. I get to enjoy my first day off EVER in tumblr survivor. im so so happy even though i definitely overdid it in this comp and got too much attention on me but... whew. just gotta wriggle my way back under the radar now

So, I’m actually not surprised that we lost. I had a gut feeling that we were going to lose just based off of everyone’s activity and performance in the challenge. First tribal always sucks because no one wants to be the first person voted out. Luckily, I don’t think it’ll be me just because I think I have solid connections with everyone. Devon and I had another call where he told me I was his number one ally in the game. Isaac also told me that he and Trace want to both work with me. And I’m also in the DADS-R-US alliance with Autumn/Duncan/Devon. I have connections with almost everyone on the tribe, so I hope that after this tribal we don’t lose another challenge cause then that’s where things are going to be tricky. For this vote, I think it would be best for Bodhi to leave. He gave the worst score for the challenge, not to mention I really haven’t communicated with him much. From conversations that I’ve had with Devon, Isaac, and Trace, they also seem like they are on board with Bodhi. Now the next part is just to convince Autumn and Duncan to vote out Bodhi too. If it’s unanimous, it’ll show that our tribe is more united going forward. I think that’s the easy vote going forward, mainly because I think I have solid connections with everyone else on the tribe so I would hate to ruin those connections going into a swap. I have the DADS-R-US Alliance with Autumn, Devon, & Duncan. I like all of them so I’m glad it’s a thing. I feel like I vibe with all of them and it really solidifies that there’s a majority within the tribe. I do feel bad that Isaac and Trace aren’t in it, just because they’re definitely down to earth people. I can see Trace being a threat long term, so I mainly feel bad that Isaac isn’t included. I like the DADS Alliance, the only concern I might have is that Autumn/Duncan seem to be close so that’s something I need to look out for. Devon says I’m his number 1, but I kind of get the vibe that he might betray me around mid-merge just because it seems like he’s trying to play a big UTR game. So that’s something else I want to think about in the back of my mind. Overall, I feel like everything else is self-explanatory. I feel like after the first night, people just kind of got quieter and quieter. I’m hoping that everyone will be on board with voting out Bodhi and that I don’t end up being #blindsided at the first tribal. Cause that would be awful.

Night number 3, ive done my research, studied up on my questions, i basically AM an egyptian now, only for me to get my ass back on the path to the tomb for the 3rd time, only to get all the questions right and see the pedestal is EMPTY. Meaning there's a few scenarios that couldve happened. Clearly I was too slow, and my honest hunch is someone found this damn thing night one, no one has said anything to me, and i feel like ive had decent conversations with the people i semi trust? My first instinct says it could be amir because me and him were both going non STOP on looking for that idol night 1 and then he never mentioned it to me again, which granted i didnt say shit to him when i found it so touche on that one, hopefully he has it and just doesnt want to tell anyone which i wouldnt mind, or aj could have it which i really would hope he doesnt and is lying to me about it because clearly that would be bad because itd make me think he wants to use it against me, but i dont think aj has it. Everyone else is a wildcard, I wouldnt be surprised a bit if connor or kendall have it, there's a reason to me why everyone could have it so im not gonna let it drive me crazy, clearly im just not in the know about it with whoever has got it and thats JUST fine and dandy.... I know how to play this game with or without idols in my possession, whoever has it might have a bit of a head start on me, but trust and believe it's only day 3 the shenanigans have just begun dahling. Now that just means I have to REALLY be on my A game, it'll be a bit of a tricky challenge navigating around the idol, especially in a tribe of 7, but much like everything else in my life, im gonna suck it up and make it work, so whoever you are that's got it, you better beware of me! Because now I know you got it! And if I got a lead that's all I need to cause some chaos, in fact I think im gonna go do that now, I wanna talk to everyone who might not have found the way to the tomb yet and let them know someone got it already, create some paranoia and maybe make sure the target isn't on my back but we'll see, like i said when i get bored i get creative

okay so i'm already really anxious KJLASDF. i really am mad at myself for getting the highest score in the challenge, that was so stupid. next challenge i somehow have to wriggle my way backwards, because being a winner with the highest score? what was i thinking that was suchhhh clownery ugh. well. i need to tone it down 100%

Deep down, I almost prefer losing the first competition for two reasons: 1. You can weed out the weakest member of your tribe (almost like cutting the fat off the meat) 2. You are able to test tribe loyalty from the start. If you win a bunch of comps and go into a swap with numbers, that's great, but you will always be itching to actually play the game. Those without tested loyalty will have a hard time adjusting against those that have been forced to play already. In terms of the vote, it sounds like everyone wants to take it easy and vote out Bodhi. That is fine, but I'm not thrilled about it. I feel like Isaac would have made a better first boot considering his messages are somewhat dry and he has more connections across the current cast. However, it doesn't make sense to cause a rift right now. Pending an idol play, this should be a remotely easy round for the tribe. -Slithers-

cast assessment: the brawn tribe is losers. who the fuck wins a challenge lol. fucking losers.

but i like ali and im excited to play with jordan pines. the beauty tribe is FULL of former allies of mine. Augusto, Connor, Amir, AJ, and whoever else? they're all people i've worked with (maybe aside from aj i dont remember tbh). So far I'd say im alligned with everyone on my tribe to an extent. Isaac and I have a night one alliance, but I think I have to cut him this round... Fuck. I love Autumn and Duncan, and I like Devon and Scott. Trace I'm indifferent to, and I'd be happy to see him go, but idgaf if he stays. Right now im trying to find the idol with isaac, while im not telling isaac that he's gone if he doesn't find it and play it. Ideal scenario: isaac finds the idol and we idol out trace 6-1 ( i want to protect myself from being seen as helping isaac).

Bodhi is driving me insane. First he blows the challenge and now he's like gone on a mad dash to get into the Tomb, which is probably boobie trapped to hell btw. I'm just kinda over him being here like he pulls me aside Day One and tells me he wants to work with me and then I hear from Trace that not only is Bodhi writing my name down but thinks everyone else is going along with it. I hope Bodhi doesn't have the idol; but in the event he does I'm thinking about throwing a vote on someone else to make it a 5-1-1 as a contingency. Bodhi if you read this I'm sorry buddy that you might be a 2 time first boot but I can't help you and I don't think I really want to. I'm just praying I survive this round.

I have not been the best in explaining myself in these confessionals huh… but let’s do a recap for y’all <3

Day 1 went by super fast but the good thing about my social game is that I do make a good first impression on people and I think that ultimately helped me get my footing so far? Within the first hour or so of talking to Kendall, she suggested we become an alliance. At first I was taken aback like MA’AM you don’t know me like that… but I of course said yes because why deny an alliance yknow? I do like Kendall though, so it was nice that she quickly decided she wanted to join forces in the game. Connor and I reconnected from our time in Socotra and we were dropping hints of protecting one another in this game, which was nice. Amir and I clicked INSTANTLY like it was insane how well we meshed together yknow? I would consider him my #1 ally so far and I know for a fact the feeling is reciprocated but I do wanna keep an eye out for him because he’s gonna be incredibly dangerous in this game. Adam and I also clicked super quickly due to our love of skinny legendt herself Mariah Carey and we are basically the same person. Austin and I did talk for a bit over our love of similar stuff which was cute. I had the hardest time clicking with AJ. Overall, I had 2 solidified partnerships, 1 unknown partnership, and then a good vibe with mostly everyone else. Day 2 was big to say the least! Amir had let me know that he was the closest to me and Adam during the beginning of the day. He later mentioned Kendall once the alliance was made. So for me, Amir’s connections are me > Kendall > Adam > Connor > Austin/AJ. Adam had told me that I was one of his faves to talk to so yay for that. Austin had also told me that I and Kendall were his faves to talk to. So… here I am thinking that I am doing THAT in the game ngl and then Connor asks me “lowkey like we’re gonna work together right” which I already assumed but said ofc. He then told me Kendall wanted to make an alliance with us two, herself, and Amir. I am totally for this as my 3 close personal alliances basically combine into one alliance which is nice. That being said, the others were trying to think of a fake 5th member to add and it’s a little early to quickly add one person to it. We need more time to feel people out and whatnot, but it did seem interesting that Amir suggested Adam and Kendall suggested Austin given what both had told me way earlier in the day. I would prefer Adam personally as I do feel like currently, Kendall is the most connected and strongest socially in the game just based on my observations. I’d love to think I am a close second but I could be delusional, I tend to be. But yeah, I’m finally in a majority alliance which is cute. And that’s what you missed on Glee <3

When I tell you that I am SHOOK that I didn’t lose this challenge like… I was expecting to lose ngl so yay for that! Especially since I was one of the top scorers on this challenge… I just hope that excuses my flopping on whatever flash game we get gbhvcnxm but yeah, the thot tribe lost and Bodhi… did so bad like SIR. It is very safe to say he could leave and that makes me sad because I wanted to reunite with him and do some potential damage. I do hope he made an alliance pretty early because Bodhi is honestly a very nice person so yeah. This tribe got told they won the challenge and disappeared like all I hear is crickets nnnn which kinda sucks but oh well. The shitty thing about me as a player is that I sometimes need a lot of reassurance so I just want these people to hit me up first and see what’s up. We shall see what transpires luv xx

The biggest headache of the season (aside from me) is the idol system like I may only have half a brain cell but I’m exerting all its power on trying to find this thing. The clue said to look around and I’ve looked all over the blog and NOTHING like… I do not know what else I could do and it’s driving me absolutely mad luv xx (‘: not that advantages do me any good ever but I just wanna figure it out ;-;

i’m me finding the link to the tomb right after submitting that confessional is a MOOD. k so i put the link in and sent it to the hosts, they told me that “Unfortunately, you have not entered the Tomb” and after that, the picture I saw had disappeared. So now I’m thrown in for a loop (is that even the correct term? ghfdjsk) because I think that the link/pic is only there at certain times and the first person to find it gains access? It is my theory and i’m sticking to it ofc but now what do I do with this information? I think I will sit on it until I gain access to the Tomb for the first time and then we shall see what happens.

God, I cannot believe we literally got our asses HANDED to us by the other tribes. I actually put a good amount of effort into this challenge so it was a bummer to see that not everybody could hold their weight. But actions have consequences so I guess it makes sense why we're here at tribal council. I really do like all of my tribe mates! There is not a single person on this tribe that I don't want to work with, which makes this whole thing very complicated. Right out of the gate, people were talking about voting Bodhi because of his HORRIBLE performance in the challenge. He came to me right away, calling himself an idiot and hoping I would pity him? I don't tbh, he fucked up and there is no fixing it. I am just kinda pissed because like I understand the concept of procrastination, but we literally had two days to do it and he submitted what, 5 things? Like get a fucking grip idk. So I want him out. It's not a fixable problem for him. I trust Isaac quite a bit. He is def my closest ally at this point. I also really like Scott, even though he fucking ruined me in Maluku. Duncan would be my 3rd. I proposed to them to create a group, and we did. I am hoping that this 4 will help me survive at least a few more pre-swap tribals, but I also feel relatively close to Autumn and Devon too, so really it could swing any way that we want to if Isaac and I are in trouble. Bodhi claims that 6 people are voting for Isaac. I could be that oblivious, but I think that Bodhi is going to get blindsided tonight, which is awkward because how could he not see it coming? Idk, the kid has got some blind ambition lmao. Let us just hope that Isaac and I survive tonight's tribal and then can really this misfit tribe to win a goddamn challenge.

So after my last confessional, the DADS alliance got on call and lowkey there was actual contemplation on whether or not we should vote out Isaac instead of Bodhi? This video below describes me in that moment

So I'm trying to subtlety tell the DADs that I think Bodhi should go over Trace and Autumns the only one that agrees with me on this. Duncan and Devon are like "no we should keep him and get rid of Isaac" and I really didn't want to do that but at the same time didn't want to seem like a dictator. So I told them I'd vote out Isaac if they felt comfortable with that. We couldn't really agree so we decide to sleep on it and reconvene tomorrow. 

Tomorrow comes around and Devon tells me he still wants Isaac out over Bodhi. I'm like "bruh seriously?" so I try to tell him my reasons for wanting Bodhi out but also tell him if he/the group want to do Isaac then I'm down for that. So we wait for Autumn and Duncan and when I get on the call they're telling me they're leaning towards Bodhi which has me happy cause it was what I wanted to do to begin with and I didn't need to make my arguments. We love having great minds that think alike. The big takeaway from this is that Devon is definitely lowkey shady since he was all about Isaac leaving before the call and then suddenly had a change of heart. Anyways, I reach out to Trace and I'm like "oh we're good with Bodhi right? and he purposes an alliance of the two of us, Isaac, and Duncan. Which has me thinking, this could work. I can have Trace and Isaac think they're in the majority alliance to ensure none of them play an idol if we lose. OR, maybe I could use them to get Devon out? So I tell Duncan that Trace wants to have an alliance with us and Isaac and he's all for it. We like being the Kim Spradlin of the season. But then things get shady because Trace tells Duncan and Isaac that I MYSELF purposed the alliance which is not the case. So now I'm on edge with Trace because he wants to build me up as the threat. So if we do lose, I also wouldn't mind voting out Trace and explaining to Isaac that Trace was spreading lies about me which I didn't feel comfortable with so that the alliance of Duncan/Isaac/I could vote out Devon should we continue a losing streak? The only thing I do know is that Bodhi is leaving tonight. Bodhi, if you're reading this I'm sorry for voting you out. You're a cool dude, and I feel bad for not talking to you much until you left. Also I'm sorry for not talking to you about the vote at all today, I feel bad lying plus I was lowkey busy with school work that I procrastinated and finals prep. The only thing I need to do now is figure out how the hell i get into the tomb?

okay so i'm not actually going to tribal but gotta make it all about me and do a round wrap-up? i'm already feeling like this might be my last game i forgot the stress of games. the main thing in this game is that i really like jake? he is SO much fun and i manifested from preseason that i would like him and it happened (i haven't told him i figured out he was cast preseason that feels like it would be too creepy), but i'm just happy i manifested him as a really fun ally and it came true!! i really like him and jordan. also my tribe is scaring me i feel like they want me out and me having an idol does not help with my neurotic panic nnn. for guessing who is gonna go home, i really hope autumn and isaac are safe, duncan too!! i kinda assume it'll be bodhi or devon just because they didn't do too hot in the challenge but we will see for sure

https://youtu.be/LPplZtIK9KM

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7EpyCcQVcM&feature=youtu.be

[amaloaf]

All of them

3 Fears3 things I love2 turns on2 turns offMy best friendSexual orientationHow tall am IWhat do I miss right nowFavourite colorDo I have a crush ^ already answered these

Favourite place

my room of the senior lounge in my school

What am I listening to right now

a davenchurch playlist (current song: Something I Need- One Republic) 

Shoe size

9-10 womens

Eye color

brown and gold

Hair color

ALSO brownish-gold

Meaning behind my URL

haha Fenton called me a walking paradox as a joke and it stuck!

Favourite song

literally dont have one but im currently loving “Waving Through a Window” from the dear evan hanson soundtrack

Favourite band

either panic! at the disco or fall out boy

How I feel right now

absolutely awful but you sending this completely boosted my mood!! 

Someone I love

oh sweet jesus, Fenton and Ellie and Pear and Cade and Vinny and Dylan and Sydney and Daffy and Simon and Nico and Jayme and Kiwi and Arily and this is going overboard but i cannot hold all my love in

My current relationship status

painfully single and desperately needing to get laid

My relationship with my parents

no

Favourite season

fall

Tattoos and piercing i have

none, unfortunately 

Tattoos and piercing i want

a septum piercing, 1mm gauges, a second piercing, an outer ear ring, sleeve tats of intertwining roses and dandelions, magnus’ railsplitter somewhere (im still deciding on where..) 

The reasons I joined Tumblr

all my middle school friends had it

Do I ever get “good morning” or “good night ” texts?

not anymore

Have I ever kissed the last person you texted?

i kissed my dad before 

How long does it take me to get ready in the morning?

cosmetically? five minutes max

Have you shaved your legs in the past three days?

unfortunately i did yesterday  

Where am I right now?

at my desk, sitting on pile of laundry im neglecting 

Do I like my music loud or at a reasonable level?

i like it quiet

Do I live with my Mom and Dad?

both, but unhappily 

Am I excited for anything?

death, also graduation i guess

Do I have someone of the opposite sex I can tell everything to?

my friends Cade and Dylan are good buddies 

How often do I wear a fake smile?

….. next question

If I could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

the mcelroys, specifically travis 

What do I think about most?

not to be dark but death 

Do I prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

neither, but behind if i have to be

What was the last lie I told?

“no mom i totally bought this”

Do I perfer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

i dont do either v much but i really like vids when i can get them

Do I believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

yes and yes (i saw three ghosts in my life)

Do I believe in magic?

hell yeah

Do I believe in luck?

mostly

What’s the weather like right now?

clear night skies with a slight fall nip in the air

What was the last book I’ve read?

animal farm by george orwell 

Do I have any nicknames?

M.K., M, Loaf

Do I spend money or save it?

both? 

Can I touch my nose with a tounge?

nope!

Favourite animal?

hgnnnnn cant choose, maybe sharks?

What was I doing last night at 12 AM?

sleeping 

What’s a song that always makes me happy when I hear it?

Hips Dont Lie! 

What is my favorite word?

bludgeoning because im a nerd 

If the whole world were listening to me right now, what would I say?

CUT THE CRAP AND LEARN TO LIVE TOGETHER IN PEACE GOD DAMN IT

Do I have any relatives in jail?

i deadass dont talk to my family but im p sure one of my cousins was arrested last week 

What is my current desktop picture?

that picture of the sloth photoshopped on a dolphin with the P!NK lyrics

Had sex?

B)

Bought condoms?

no

Gotten pregnant?

oh god no

Have I ever kissed somebody in the rain?

no but my first kiss with a boy i got sprayed on at a waterpark 

Had job?

im a partime paralegal 

Smoked weed?

yep

Smoked cigarettes?

for a long ass time in middle school (if im bein real honest im going to pic it back up again probably)

Drank alcohol?

ya

Am I a vegetarian/vegan?

definetly not

Been overweight?

currently am

Been underweight?

when i was born

Gotten my heart broken?

plenty of times

Been to prom?

yes

Been in airplane?

oh yeah, i love flying

Learned another language?

took spanish for 10+ years and dont know a damned word of it 

Wore make up?

ye

Dyed my hair?

no but i really want to 

Had a surgery?

yes! some work on my ear after i fucked it up as a baby

Met someone famous?

a band called After Romeo 

Stalked someone on a social network?

i tend to go through social media when i find new accounts i like but its never stalkerish 

Been fishing?

got the license and everything

Been rejected by a crush?

yea, ive only ever had one crush where it panned out 

What do I want for birthday?

a binder 

Do I like my handwriting?

no

Where do I want to live when older?

idk, im praying i dont end up back in vegas

Have I ever got caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

got caught reading awful porn once does that count

What I’m really bad at

ohh im really holding back on saying “everything” but if i had to choose wind instruments 

What my greatest achievments are

my art, my relationships, my baby handling skills

The meanest thing somebody has ever said to me

ill give you the second worse: “ well at least being a fattass made you bouncy”

What I’d do if I won in a lottery

buy a house, get a super crazy nice computer, give some money to the friends listed up earlier on the list and draw for all eternity 

What do I like about myself

my eyes and my good heart and my ability to fake good things

My closest Tumblr friend

oh definitely Fenton or @whyldkratts

Any question you’d like?

feel free to send in your own question! 

Are you outgoing or shy?

yes

What kind of people are you attracted to?

soft bellies, thick legs and hips, nice pecs, soft long hair, nice lips

Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?

idk maybe? i hope so, yall can feel free to make the first move ;3

Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?

no, i actually like it! 

Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?

my buddy Cade

What does the most recent text that you sent say?

ok

What are your 5 favorite songs right now?

Something I Need, Michel in the Bathroom, For Forever, Waving Through a Window, and Freeze Your Brain 

Do you like it when people play with your hair?

oh yes!! please play with my hair!!! ((and playing with OTHER peoples hair??? oh boy howdy dont even get me started!!!!))

Do you think there is life on other planets?

hell yes! 

Do you like bubble baths?

sure, no real pref either way

Do you like your neighbors?

NOPE

Where would you like to travel?

yes!

Favorite part of your daily routine?

sleep

What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?

*sweats* yes?? (probably my boobs and stomach, also my arms)

What do you do when you wake up?

stare at the ceiling and mentally prepare myself for the day

Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?

darker, it lost a lot of melinin when i hit puberty for some reason??

Do you ever want to get married?

yes! even if its just a platonic life partner marriage! 

If your hair long enough for a pony tail?

yep

Would you rather live without TV or music?

telivision my man

Have you ever liked someone and never told them?

yep! one time it went to shit the other time it went fairly ok

What are your favorite stores to shop in?

target and hot topic

Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?

normally yes but you gotta kno when to get the hell away from certain folks

Do you smile at strangers?

sometimes

Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?

OH yeaaah

Ever wished you were someone else?

every god damned day

Favourite makeup brand?

cheap 

Last thing you ate?

mashed potatoes

Ever won a competition? For what?

won a college science fair in middle school once 

Ever been in love?

im always in love

Facebook or Twitter?

twitter always (pst mines @emiglody95

Twitter or Tumblr?

tumblr 

Are you watching tv right now?

no

What colour are your towels?

beige and brown 

Favourite ice cream flavour?

cookie dough or coffee 

First person you talked to today?

my mother or Ellie i can remember 

Last person you talked to today?

Pear or my day, again i cant remember 

Name a person you hate?

Prestly, Kevin, Zoe, Mike

Name a person you love?

hmm ive already listed a lot of people already so lets go with: Wilson

Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?

remember Kevin from two asks ago? 

Do you tan a lot?

im outside a lot but my tan is mostly natural 

Have any pets?

my dog, Gus! 

Do you type fast?

yes actually!! 

Do you regret anything from your past?

im not lookin to type a paragraph so lets go with yes

Ever broken someone’s heart?

yeah,, 

Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?

every day

Is cheating ever okay?

no, but if your partner got seriously fucked up and it was a total accident and you trust them then MAYBE you can reconsider not throwing their asses out

Do you believe in true love?

to an extent 

What your zodiac sign?

leo! 

Do you believe in ghosts?

id better ive seen three of ‘em

Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page?

“ Its fine”, she said primly as she turned back to the trays of jewelry. 

[monbabi]

beautiful in la fanacc!!

• waited in line for 9 mcfreakin hours it was so hot we all bonded over kpop and the wait and wanting to die • at 7pm we went thru security and stood in the pit!!!!!!!!!! very tight but it was fine we were jus chillin • there was a technical problem so the start of the concert was delayed for like 30 more min • thEN THE LIGHTS DIMMED AND THE VCR TURNED ON AND WE WERE LIKE SHAHSKDOSHAGSV • AND MONSTA X CAME OUT IN ALL THEIR BEAUTY AND WE WERE ALL SCREECHING • they got into their positions and performed beautiful it was one of thr most beautiful fucking performances i have ever watched i almost cried • then they went straight into incomparable WHICH WAS FUCKING AMAZING KIHYUN KEPT COMING UP TO THE FRONT AND I WAS LIKE BACK WHERE U CAME FROM DEMON!! I LOVE U SO FUCKING MUCH • i realize now i shouldnt talk abt every single performance bc tht would take way too long • THE SOLO STAGES WERE SO GOOD SEEING HYUNGWON PERFORM FROM ZERO WITH WONHO!!!!!!! GOOD SHIT!!!!!! • and 24k was so…….séxie like it was fun and everyone sang along but their hips are SIN!!!!!!!!! ESPECIALLY MINHYUK!!!!!!! • SHOWNU LIKE DID A SPLIT OR SMTH I DIDNT SEE IT COMPLETELY BUT I SAW HIM DROP AND I WAS LIKE HOLY SHIT?? • mirror was absolutely beautiful and it was such an emotional stage i almost cried kihyun and jooheon did amazing • can i jus say tht minhyuk is absolutely stunningly handsome like im a complete slut for kihyun but my eyes kept wandering to minhyuk bc hes so goddamn beautiful • yall theyre so good live like. ofc theres backtrack but u could hear them so clearly and they were so stable i almost cried • AH all of them did aegyo except changkyun who sang nothing on you by b.o.b and everyone sang along it was fun • omg in the first ment minhyuk was like “im gonna do smth ive been wanting to do in la…….im gonna say hows the weather outside and u say its sunny” and we were like jesus christ okay so he was like HOWS THE WEATHER OUTSIDE and we were like ITS SUNNY!!!!!!! • wonho talking abt how he was in such a good mood bc hyungwon was there w them and he kept making funny faces @ them before the stage • AND IDK I FELT LIKE JOOHEON SMILED A LOT DURING THIS CONCERT LIKE HE WAS ALWAYS SMILING WHILE DANCING AND IT WAS SO CUTE • SO WAS SHOWNU HE KEPT SMILING WHEN HE DANCED IN THE FRONT IT WAS SO NDHSUSDJHSHA • hyungwon seemed kinda tired i jus wanted to scoop him up into my arms and rock him to sleep he didnt talk thaaaaat much but he did whisper amongst the members and laugh like the snarky ass he is • kihyun kept talking to the 2nd floor which was so sweet !!!!!! ahhhhhh!!! im glad they werent left out of anything • oh my god at one point hyungwon like choked on his water it gave me a heart attack • during changkyuns part in 하얀소녀 he started like. swaying his hips and minhyuk kneeled down next to him and started flapping his jacket and wonho joined in it was wild • changkihyuk were hypin up jooheon like “hm ex girl and 하얀소녀 are really good songs……bc U MADE THEM!!!!!!” and jooheon got all shy and squat down in a corner then he stood up and was like “YEA I MADE THOSE SONGS” • wonho kept mouthing along with the translator it was so cute and funny um king of bilingualism? • they kept telling us to “Stop, Calm Down” bc we’re los angeles and we dont shut up ever it was so funny • jooheon said la has a funky way of grooving to the rhythm but out of all the other us concerts we do it the best LOL • wonho: takes off jacket • jooheon: EVERYBODY MAKE SOME NOISE FOR HIS MUSCLES • wonho: turns around and flexes • they were throwing out candy during white sugar but i didnt catch any bc short arms dnhshansbd and they didnt really throw to the front middle pit kihyun kissed one and threw it out i hope tht person who caught it treasures it forever • I WAS MAKING SEVERAL DIFFERENT HEARTS @ KIHYUN USIN MY ARMS AND FINGERS AND SHIT AND HE GAVE FINGER HEARTS AND THREW BIG ARM HEARTS AT ME I ALMOST PASSED THE FUCK OUT • I TURNED AROUND TO SCREAM AT MY FRIEND AND HE WAS LAUGHING AT US AND I CROUCHED DOWN BC I WAS SHY AND DIDNT WANT HIM TO SEE ME SO STUPIDLY EXCITED • i feel like i made a lot of eye contact w shownu and jooheon like idk they couldve been looking at the crowd in general but it felt so personal and directed towards me, the sweaty girl w glasses, a broken lightstick, and a bear phone case so im gonna let my delusional ass believe tht • the hi touch holy fuck the hi touch okay so it was like?? ~20 minutes after the concert ended everyone was chillin in the pit and then monsta mcfreakin x walked out and we all screamed then security lined us up • the order was kihyun, hyungwon, wonho, minhyuk, shownu, jooheon, changkyun * i was praying tht kihyun wouldnt be first so i had time to emotionally prepare but tht didnt work out • so um i. held his hand his grip was pretty firm and i panicked and forgot everything i wanted to say and i was like “marry me” and he laughed and said okay so um BITCH IM ENGAGED TO YOO KIHYUN? his hand was so beautiful okay everyone talks abt kihyuns small ass hands but they were bigger than i imagined and he has some big meaty claws • they were standing on a small platform behind a table so everyone was really tall so high fiving hyungwon was a little hard for my 5'1" body i had to reach for the stars his hand was so bony but it was Large and i said i love u and he smiled i was ready to sink into the ground and lay myself to rest • lets get smth straight wonho is short hes like jus a little taller than kihyun but boy hes Built and he has this cute little smile on his face and his hand was SO SOFT AND SO WARM I WANTED TO CRY i told him i loved him and he said thank u yea haha time to DIE • minhyuk has yaoi hands yall • his hands were so mf gigantic like the hi touch went by fast but holding his hand was so. wow like his hands were really big and warm and i was like i love u!! and he said yea and i laughed jshsgdffjf • SHOWNU IS SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL IRL PICTURES AND VIDEOS DONT DO HIM JUSTICE??? like he was GLOWING and he has such a large and warm presence and his hands are so warm like i felt like my hand was gonna melt yall i was abt to cry he was smiling so big too and i told him i love him and he jus nodded and said me too snshaudhdfshdhf • jooheons hands were kinda cold but they were so soft and beautiful my legs almost gave out he was so cute and smiley and soft and our fingers tangled weirdly and i was like SORRY and he laughed a bit BUT OHM NYOGD I INTERLOCKED FINGERS WITH LEE JOOHEON AND IT WAS AMAZING • changkyun was last and they were starting to rush the line so i could only high five him and say i loved him :(( he said thank u his voice is really attractive guys and he was such a chill dude i wanna be best friends w him • after the hi touch we were immediately lined up again for the group photo which was a ~15 min wait? • they numbered us off then let us in and immediately ppl are looking for spots in front of them someone took the spot in front of kihyun so i was like okay tell me to die first NDHAHDJFGS but my friend found a spot in front of wonho and minhyuk and i stood next to her in front of minhyuk and shownu • it was so funny my friend stumbled a little in front of minhyuk bc she was walking fast and he was like OH MY GOD OH MY GOD and shownu was laughing • STANDING IN FRONT OF THEM JUS MADE ME REALIZE HOW GORGEOUS THEY ARE LIKE,??,,????? • i turned around to look at minhyuk and shownu and felt a piece of me die and i said hi then turned around covering my face bc i got so fuckin embarrassed theyre so HANDSOME • my friends fave is wonho so she turned around and told him she loved him and held his finger I WAS ABT TO SCREAM • AH as they were putting more ppl in the front and this really tall girl stood in front of me and i was like I Am Five Foot One so as a joke before they took the pic i tippytoed and did peace signs and bunny ears my head just barely peeked over her shoulders and i think shownu and minhyuk and jooheon were laughing behind me i hope they were laughing at me i’ll gladly make a fool of myself for them • luckily the rows after us kneeled down! • after the pic they started shooing everyone off and i yelled KIHYUN I LOVE U GOOD NIGHT i dont think he heard me but oh well • SHOWNU SAID BYE TO ME BEFORE I LEFT AND I SAID BYE BACK I ACTUALLY FELT MY LEGS GIVE A LITTLE and changkyun was waving to everyone hes really cute and calm in person i wish i oculdve talked to him more • we walked out completely dazed like we were jus sitting on a bench outside looking fuckin faded

[2seoke]

BEst writers?

In no particular order bcz they are all breathtakingly amazing when it comes to writing :3 ! ! ! !

HERE THEY ARE :D

@syugatae JEN IS THE CUTEST ON THIS PLANET OK I FINALLY GOT TO TALK TO HER AND IT MADE MY ENTIRE WEEK HER WRITING IS JUST INDESCRIBABLE PLZ GO READ “CHANGE YOUR MIND” YOU WONT REGRET IT EVER EVER EVER BCZ HERE I AM TODAY SCREAMING ABT HER FOR A GOOD. FUCKING. REASON. (when i swear you know its real af) NAND SHES WRITING SMTH SOON (IDK IF PPL SHOULD KNOW? IMS ORRY IM TRYING TO PROMOTE UR BEAUTIFUL EINSTEIN ASS) LMO

@war-of-hormoan OK, LISTEN UP. RAM LITERALLY DESTROYED MY BIAS LIST LMAO LADIES AND GENTLEMAN SHES. THE. REASON. HOBI. IS. MY. BIAS. WRECKER. NOW. IM NOT SHITTING ANYONE. RAM IS THE ONLY REASON HOBI IS WHERE HE IS @ TODAY (THAT BOY GIVES ME F E E L S THAT NO ONE ELSE DOES) ANYW YASYAS “ASHES’ IS THE BEST THING THAT’S EVER HAPPENED TO ME AND I DONT REGRET HOBI BEING MY BABY DID I THANK YOU YET MY LOVE BCZ HIS ASS OWNS MINE AND I CANT WAIT FOR THE UPDATE??///////?//??? (take your time tho ily)

@dailydoseofdia OMGOMGOMG OMGOGOMG OGMOGMOGM DIA. WHERE DO I EVEN START WITH YOU. THIS GIRL IS THE SWEETEST THING EVER ENGLISH AND FRENCH AS LANGUAGES COMBINED DONT HAVE ENOUGH WORDS TO DESCRIBE HOW MUCH I LOVE HER SHE SENDS ME LIL MESSAGES AND HER UPDATES AND I READ AND REBLOG EVERYTIME BCZ HER WRITING STYLE IS JUST –UGH (see what i mean i cant even explain)

@queenjunghoseok my hope. my angel. my JEN SHE WAS PART OF MY SQUAD A LOOOONG TIME AGO AND WELL I STILL LOVE HER AND I STILL READ ALL HER STUFF SECRETLY AND TELL PPL TO GO FOLLOW HER IN SECRET WITHOU- wait. did i just rat myself out… LMAO anyYWayS if anyone deserves more followers, its my baby: jen

@jungblue taytay? she’s beyond AMAZING. I’ve been following her for about a year now and her progress and intricacy is just fucking incredible at this point: THIS GIRL DESERVES- IDEK WHAT SHE DESERVES BECAUSE NOTHING IS GOOD ENOUGH FOR HER THE WAY SHE PLAYS WITH WORDS??? HELL? THE WAY SHE USES WORDS? THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE DOESNT USE HER, SHE USES THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE I SWEAR… PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GO read “FUTURE HEARTS” YOU DONT UNDERSTAND WHAT YOURE MISSING (TAYTAY LOVE ME)

@yoonminnings vivi? vivi is simply my vivi. Ive been through a lot with her and i literally pray for her every night thats how much she means to me… when I realized she wrote pics…. oh good lord i swear I DIDNT EAT OR SLEEP FOR A WEEK STRAIGHT BECAUSE I NEEDED TO reAD ALL THE FICS I HADNT READ YET lmao YALL DONT REALIZE HOW MUCH I HATED MYSELF THAT WEEK BUT THATS HOW GOOD SHE IS… I STOPPED MY DAILY SCHEDULES TO CTACH UP ON EVERYTHING (if that doesn’t tell you smth IDEK WHAT WILL @ this point :’)

@bangtanhmu winnie :3 she honestly makes one of the best texts in this entire goddamned website LMAO my gurl got 1k followers… in one week…. lMAO BYE SEE WHAT I MEAN HWQICGQEOGQOWV and I know she isn’t a writer but I just H A D to mention her efhiekclibILwb ilySM LOVE STAY HEALTHY DONT UPDATE TOO MUCH (its a problem rlly she loves her followers so much updates faster than lightning) 

@jungkxook ALY. ALY ALY.……… lmao all i have to say abt her is she ruined me in half…. :) (i still hate you for “arranged love” because the pain was excruciating) but other than that LIFE IS GREAT GO FOLLOWER HER BEAUTIFUL ASS (ILY BABE DONT BE MAD @ ME U KNOW HOW GOOD UR WRITING IS DONT FUKCEN DENY IT) :) NOTHING BUT SYMPATHY FOR YOU :) :0:):):))0;)):;0;):); and my BROKEN HEART :):)::):):);0):);00:):

@inktae tbh I thought she was gonna delete and I almost started crying BUT THEN SHE SAID NO AND I ALMOST THREW A PARTY LMAO BBY tbh when I’m sad mari’s blog is like the first one i always check because…. idk tbh… my fingers jus tap her url OUT OF NOWHERE :) LMAOO her guys… look… even my subconscious is telling you to follow and read her entire master list… hehe…:)::):):):):) (GOD I LOVE YOU SO MUCH YOURE THE BEST NEVER STOP WRITING)

@knjns my goddess, my seoul, my everything. She knows who she is, and how much she means to me, and truthfully no matter how much I write on here it’ll never ben enough to express myself. So, I’ll keep it extra short: I love you. Her writing? A whole different story. The way she manipulates words still scares me sometimes because the amount of feels I get from her fics is just -idek- astonishing. she deserves every follower and more.

@tayegi SHE HATES JEON BUT LETS BE HONEST SHE’D DIE FOR HIM. ok, now that I got that out of the way…. LU IS THE BEST :) (lmao don’t hate me) “ROOMMATE” AND “TINDER 2.0″ AND ‘IN BLOOM” AND “EQUILIBRIUM” d o you know how many times I’ve read them? think of a number. now, multiply it to the 10^9. I swear this chick aint human, her smut style is just astounding.. to a point where she gets 3k for one fic LMAO GUYS PLEASE GO SEE HER (then again who doesn’t know her/???? LOL) YOUR WRITING IS AMAZING! NEVER STOP AND TAKE YOUR TIME WITH UPDATES IF YOU EVER DECIDE TO BLESS US WITH ONE!

@hobibliophile Last but DEFINITELY NOT fucking LEAST, jules. JUJU. she has many names but her main one is “goddess of fan fiction” I swear this chick is part of the avengers or smth, not with the way she maneuvers words….. also idk her personality in her tags reminds me of Downey Jr.  and omfg I rlly hope thats not a bad thing or smth bcz I love him ANYWAYS BAKC TO JUJU!!!!!— WAIT. OMG. JUJU ON THAT BEAT. JUJU ON THAT BEAT. DID I JUST- WHT TEH FUK WHY AM I LIKE THIS……………..WQHCWBUWUW nANYWYAS tbh i came for the tags for jules, and I stayed for the talent. “Dick-stractions”?? omg I DONT EVEN KNOW WHAT TO SAY.. NAMJJOON…..HES MY WRCKER TOO DID YOU KNOW THAT FIC MADE HIM GO UP BCZ OF YOU? YOURE ALSO THE REASON A BOY WENT UP MY BIAS LIST……. PLEASE GO READ HER E N T I R E MASTERLIST SHE DESERVES GOD himself COMING DOWN KISSING HER CHEEK

These are the people at the top of my head and that I regularly read from, of course there are many more out there :3 plz enjoy them all theres a reason they are on this list!

[coordinateswithpoison]

I saw you tonight, at the movies with her... Rubi. at first i just seen you and i was happy at first but i knew i didnt want you to see me so right before i took a step back i saw her come right after you and i knew, ive always known but i was never mad. because i knew once you said “i need to know if i still love you” you no longer loved me and when you gave me false hope i tried to make it into something that was so much more and i only hated you for that, that and not having the balls to tell me what i already knew as well. but soon that anger disappeared just like how my memories of you started to disappear. i saw you smile and it was nice because i never seen you smile like that. i knew you didn't love me anymore after you found out what i found out and just did absolutely nothing and “pretended” to be sleepy. but what i left you with was peace from me and freedom. i strongly believe what we had is and finally done with. we are both moving on with our life and both seem to be doing good. i dont see us meeting up again because we live two completely different lives now and they don’t ever connect us to each other. this is the first time i started to think about you. and its crazy because i use to think about you all the time and now its only for this moment because i know after tonight i wont have the need to think of you. i dont ever see you so you wont ever pop back up. it was nice to see a glimpse of the old carlos that i once fell in love with, and now she is falling in love with. its nice to see you are moving on and that i need to too. i made really good friends that i see in my future where we all gather at each others houses for wine and a bible study. we’ve traveled so much already literally the past three weekends we have gone somewhere, recently just got back from austin and it was amazing! its always just the five of us and having that sets of friends who help and make sure you stay on your path that God has for us is really good. good for the soul. Oh we love PDC too, sammy man she’s active lol i think if we both met her you wouldve liked her to be my best friend shes helping me stay active myself and we go to workout sometimes but not a lot. Small groups and the guidence of my parents have really helped me through our break up through it all. i didnt want to write on here but the only reasons now that i type on here is because i know i won’t look back at this, once its typed and published im never going to see it again because i no longer have the need to be on tumblr anymore as much, granted i have my times (like tonight) but thats it. when i need to remember, truly remember i write in my journal and man my journal has made so much progress since i last seen you that i had to buy me another one lol. which reminds me the reason why i also dont think of you anymore is because i made sure you werent anywhere for you to remind me of us. i finally deleted the last picture of us on my phone. i took everything that i had of us or you in my apartment out and thrown away. theres some stuff at my parents house but only what i left behind and my parents were happy to pack it for me and store it away (i think thats what they did) i didnt go looking for it. tonight makes me wonder if you ever think of me (probably not) or if you ever look back at our stuff (probably not since its tucked away in the deepest of the darkness of your closet) it makes me wonder what you told her about me too which ive already known but have you told her about what you did too. granted it might not have been as much as me, but you’ve had your share of mistakes... its crazy that i cant think of what your voice sounds like or how you laugh now, or even your scent that i once always wanted to be around me. its crazy how much i dont know about you know. do you even look at my tumblr anymore or any other social media? i mean you cant either way but do you ever try to? its crazy how i finally remember about you and everything starts to flow through my mind. but time and only time will give us, me the answer and i think God has already been giving it to me i just havent been fully listening because its one that im not ready to hear but i know he and only him knows whats best for us. so carlos garcia II i hope you are enjoying life and i hope college is going great! congrats on graduating and i hope you succeed more in life! i hope she is everything you want in someone i hope she doesnt forget to vaule you and appreciate you. i hope you guys dont ever get a big bump in yalls relationship like we once did. no one needs to go through that and i know your family will love her! just like how i know you will. you will love her with everything you got because you know how blessed you are to have her in your life and you should be. but i dont know much about her or her past relationships but i just wish nothing but the best and i will pray for you guys. because if its fruitful than continue to create more fruit but also remember if its not brake that branch since it will only bring rotten fruits. just like you how did with me lol. jk but serious in a way. i love you carlos!

[survivorsolomonislands]

Episode 10 “The One Where This Tribal Council is a Mess” (Zakriah)

(here we go yall lmao- pippa)

All along it was always me and Aro and that's how it's gonna continue to be until we're both voted out anyways. Idk Mitch has lied to me already twice now and I don't play baseball so there's no third strike here. Ofc Willow and Allie flipped on us and ofc it's just me and Aro like it always has been. And I can't wait to get 10th.

(a while later)

These people aren't even good at lying and Willow was trying to help me literally all along and she was right there literally was nothing she coulda done about it!!! I feel awful that I ruined any trust I had with her and I feel awful for cultivating a relationship with the wrong rookie on numakira. I'm just so fucked up rn and I knew it was happening too.

(later)

She's over here apologizing to Mitchell and NOT ME for this last vote when I literally just left the alliance chat! So that OBVIOUSLY tells me she has no intention of trying to work with me again after this and that pretty much me and Aro have no shot to make it any further in this bih

(even later)

Most of what I just said was very spur of the moment and I don't even remember half of it but tbh me and mitch are on the same wavelength rn and us and aro's lives basically depend on MY MORTAL NEMESES lexi and rtp

(so much later)

Mitchell and Zakriah's guide to surviving Tumblr Survivor: Solomon Islands Merged Tribe. Step 1) Vote with Allie against LA Step 2) Form a vets alliance Step 3) Steal Willow from Allie

(later isn’t even an option anymore)

LEXI AND ALLIE ARE IRL BEST FRIENDS WHAT THE FYCK IS THIS

(3 years later)

MITCHELL IS A FUCKING DETECTIVE HOLY FUCKING SHIT THIS GAME IS TOO FUCKING MUCH HOW IS LEXI SO FUCKING STACKED WITH PREMADES IN THIS GAME I THOUGHT ME/ARO/LINUS WAS BAD WHAT THE FUUUUUUUUUCK

(everyone has died, Zak is the only one left)

NO HOLY SHIT SERIOUSLY THIS IS LIKE WHEN IN A MOVIE SOMEONE FINDS OUT THAT THE PERSON THEY THOUGHT WERE INNOCENT AND LIKE THE GOOD GUY IS ACTUALLY THE DEVIL AND HAS BEEN BEHIND EVERYTHING THE WHOLE TIME AND THEIR FACE IS LIKE FLASHING EVERYWHERE THEY LOOK THAT IS L I T E R A L L Y ALLIE HOW DID WE NOT FIND THIS OUT SOONER OH MY LANTA

I just wanna say, Jacob, I voted Matt for you.

So there's literally no possible way I can win immunity - one of my two friends in the game exiled himself from the challenge and that leaves me next to be picked off from winning immunity along with Aro, LA, and maybe Allie too tbh. It's basically Allie/Lexi/Willow's comp to lose at this point and there's literally not a single thing I can do to give myself any edge to win at all. Out of nine people competing in this challenge only one person is working with me, and in a challenge that's essentially a popularity contest, 2/9 gets you nothing. I'm willing to accept the fact that Mitchell and I are completely screwed, and it's not helping that Mitchell is quite actually ostracizing himself from the rest of the people. I'm honestly praying he's hiding another idol from me at this point.

i know it's been a while since my last confessional and i don't wanna make a long one rn but allie's bitch ass

SO the plan for right now is to get the majority to split the vote between 2 of Me, Mitch and Zak. Willow is willing to flip with us so we can get ahead of the split and put 4 votes against Lexi or Johnny and get our minority asses back in this game. Not gonna lie Im having a blast being at the bottom with Zak and Mitchell even though Mitchell is kinda rude towards Willow >.> . We are basically the 3 amigos/ Witches Coven of the season but we will be successful know that!

Oh my GOD if I pull this off... If i pull off this 4-3-3 vote tomorrow night it WILL be the single best play I've ever made in a game. Like I'm honestly shaking. This is either aboutta go so horribly wrong and Willow is lying to us all or it's gonna go extremely well and I won't know until it's either me joining Jacob, Dana, and Matt on the jury or it's Johnny joining them. I have a vote negator, but my history with vote negators has not been a fun one. I would kill to have an idol, but if I make it through this vote, which would literally be the biggest miracle ever, I fully feel like I can retake control over my fate in this game. All hope may NOT be lost!!!

(a little bit later)

ooookay... So I just lost literal years of my life planning a Johnny blindside and now he's trying to take out Allie!!! Everyone is literally fucking VYING FOR OUR VOTES right when we thought it was a clear majority against us! What the fuck this game is so hilarious I don't know what the fuck to even say right now!

(yall thot huh)

Wow I can't believe we just orchestrated a 4-3-2-1 vote. Like imagine how lit it would be for the two people voted as most likely to be voted out next in the challenge were to literally take the 3-2-1 cirie patent vote and upgrade it to a fucking 4-3-2-1 vote! Im beyond shook at this like ive been spending the last three days absolutely certain I was gonna be the next voted out and now as far as I'm concerned I should only be seeing my name once or twice this round. I feel like ciera rn bc I'm making a big fucking move! Game changer Zakriah razzak!

Okay so I need to start writing more confessionals. BUT HOLY FUCK SO MUCH JUST HAPPENED. Okay so first to start off I won individual immunity, and I even had a one rope disadvantage, like how the heck did I do that! I mean it was just Touchy Subjects, but still, I never thought I was gonna be able to win a challenge lmao. Also I'm too tired to finish writing this confessional so I'm just gonna submit and write more tomorrow goodnight lmao.

If everyone's telling me the truth, which why would they, we get to make the sole decision on whether to keep around Johnny or Allie - the two people controlling the whole game. And the best part is that either one of them getting taken out is one less rookie to pick off me/mitchell/aro (and rtp and lexi but screw them), and then that plus my flare gets us at the very least a tie if we piss everyone off with this vote. But, hey, they left us in the dark last time, it's time for some revenge anyways! And then, after we finally get the upperhand again, we can avenge Dana too! I'm still out for blood rtp

(ive avoided this for days)

Mitchell is saying this tribal council is essentially a sitcom episode and if it is it would be called The One Where This Tribal Council is a Mess

(he’ll be gone soon, don’t worry)

Literally we're looking at rtp targetting johnny but voting with allie bc he doesnt think theres numbers to get out johnny and so its "supposed" to be a rudimentary vote split against me 4-3-3 a la queen daisy peacebeuponher but IN ACTUALITY what we're looking at here is johnny reneging and trying to blindside allie in some kind of mess of a 5-3-2 vote WHEN REALLY willow is "using" the three of us to get out JOHNNY in a FUCKING CRAZY ASS 4-3-2-1 vote that's gonna be something like johnny-aro-alie-me and i honestly... LOVE THIS

OKAY SO LET'S FUCKIN DIVE RIGHT INTO IT going into last tribal something was a miss bc of a certain miss willow sayin cryptic ass shit like "i'm sorry i can't stop what's about to happen" and so i knew then that we were fucked. the suspense of waiting was alleviated by allie basically saying she flipped and it wouldn't be on me; i could've guessed it would be matt since she hates matt, but i never thought she'd actually flip and do it bc i don't see how any of us would benefit from leaving a solid 6 to form a very volatile merge but WHATEVER and then i exposed allie and lexi's pregame relationship and close irl friendship and thought i'd blown myself up, particularly after wILLOW TOLD ME SHE FUCKING ALREADY KNEW INSTEAD OF TELGKIEFFREFIURHDIF TELLING ME TO CHILL, and NOBODy seemed to think that it was a big deal. combined w that, i fuckin bought my ass a trip to the cave and couldn't compete in immunity so FUCK me but  then also... good things zak guilted willow HARD about what allie made her do, which was particularly effective bc willow already felt like it was bad for her game. so while allie is saying we should vote LA, then saying johnny and RTP told her no so we can't, i'm like... we need willow rn to flip on this dumb twerking girl who is so far up these kids' ass yet MIRACULOUSLY still has willow up hers??? and zak does in fact guilt her into trying to get everyone else to split the votes so we can do something like get LA out or whatever but i'm sittin here like... alright... who gotta go? and it comes to me. johnny the frat boy, my lover and archenemy!! miss chrissa and dana send their regards bitch!! it seems to me that johnny has a certain degree of control over LA and Luca, and as long as he's in a potential rookie or nuTemoana faction could be reunited or resurrected on his behalf. i don't want that. the game gets more open with him gone. so zak laid the groundwork for willow's flip, and i get to her and convince her the flip gotta be on johnny. it's almost too good to be true. a 4-3-3 vote agaisnt mr frat boy keeping i, mitchell kalabang, still in the game w my f3 of zak and aro and now w miss willow on our side??? FUCK YES and then zak finds a flare that allows him to burn someone's vote at a tribal council, which means if willow stick w us worst-case scenario at the f9 is rocks. things are fallign into place, i'm so JFIOHWEIODFH EXCITED BC it's gonna be HUGE and it's almsot too good to be true when johnny's frat boy ass says he wants to get out allie w me, la, zak, aro, and him. ????? johnny wants to flip on her ass bc of my expose about her and bc she's controlling willow. little does he KNOW that willow already flipped against allie and on HIS ASS and that allie is no longer a threat bc people know that she and lex are friends. so now johnny thinks it'll be like 5-3-2 or something but in actuality it'll be more like 4-3-2-1 johnny-aro-allie-zak which makes me sCREAM THAT"S  SO FUDI*CVJOWDIS FUCIING EBEAUTIONFGD BEAUTIFUL AND ICONIC but THEN RTP FIWEODJFD  COMES TO ME AND ASKS TO MOASMDFUIBHWENDS make a move against johnny and i'm all ike ???D<EKODJFKLJWD iorhejdgio YOUWDFI(JF hwo are you people giving such a clear mnoritjy THISF IOWJDMFIO much POWMERUIOFMWEIOFDJ POWER and he can't get LA on board so he resigns himself to the split vote between aro and zak tellign me about it even tho it's supposed to be a secret but little does he know that i already know about it and i also know that it's a farce bc willow flipped and that it's not even happening bc JOGNY flipped and rtp targets johnny who targets allie who splits the vote betwween aro and zak w rtp bc he can't get the votes aginst johnny while aro and zak are gonna tke out johnny bc WE have the votes and i'm CRYIORJHdf cryin i really think we might actually get the 4-3-2-1 and if that fucking happens i'll literally fuvkcixghnfei shit myself on call somehow i mitchell kalabang am coming out on top?? and i like johnny legitimately to some extent and he might want to work w me, but johnny has also lied to me and has multiple other deals and alliances, and i can't work w that if he's gonna keep shit shady. zak and aro have been loyal and honest to me since day 1 so i'm ridin w them boys and i hope you use all the money you're in charge of as treasurer of the frat to drink yourself into a stupor so as to neuter the humiliation ur gonna feel at being outmaneuvered by fuckin willow. ALSDOJQSOFD speaking of shady miss allie like... first she flip, then i find out she got a #secretpairbeware, and i'm like ???? this BTIHDCIH she might wanna F3 w me and willow but AGAIN how am i gonna play w u when u say shit like "i know you said you didn't wanna do this and take out matt and i respect it so i got literally the entire rest of the tribe to do it instead and against u without telling u haha we still good tho i own you and control you" she seriously got so cocky after that and so self-righteous in defending herself about the lex thing and it's like... girl how the FUCK am i still savin ur ASS after tonight LMFAO the #obvioustension i've felt between me and LA is gone i think, we've had some rlly good chats lately and welp it's gonna suck for her when i now snake HER but whatevs!! and RTP and i are prob good now too considering he told me about his johnny plot and then about the split. considerin i'm gonna do his work for him and oust johnny he shouldn't be too mad lol ! idol searching i fucking went into a cave and my choices were octopus and moray eel and y'all had to be fuckin kiddin ME but ofc the cave fucks me up AHFUIEWHD AGAIN and no second idol for mitcherell kalabganfger but whatevs Somehow, everything has lined up to give me an unprecedented amount of power for someone who felt helplessly on the bottom after Matt, who I feel was an actual tick in this game harming me more than helping me with his poor gameplay and social skills, was voted out. I think I've played an influential role in getting this vote together and in forming a group that can now move solidly forward. I just... if this all works I'm going to cry because RTP going for Johnny going for Allie going for Aro/Zak who're going for Johnny without RTP knowing is a fucking sitcom episode. I can't fucking breathe. If the 4-3-2-1 is what actually happens tonight i might literally cry laughing on call for tribal. mitchell kalabang is not dead yet!

also biggest VILLAIN?????? how the fUIHEWDRHJIernfuier what've i done this season but been lied to and love dana i jsut... and they fucked up w what they said bout luca bc now he's pissed and i'm all like... come to papa :)

IM STILL SO WORRIED EVERYONES LYING TO ME THOOOOO

Okay so, in Touchy Subjects I tied with Johnny in the category "If you could not win the game, who would you most like to see win". And I'm very confused by this because I literally thought I wasn't a threat to win at all. Johnny I understand, he's the one controlling everyone, he's the one calling the nuTemoana shots, and so if he made it to the end he would win no doubt. But me on the other hand, I haven't exactly done much, like I've tried to make good social bonds with everyone, and been honest with everyone, but yeah other then that I'm kinda confused how I got the majority in that category. Onto another topic though. I never thought I would ever say this, but I'm actually pretty damn excited to go to tribal tonight. I have individual immunity, so basically I 100% made it to single digit placements, which is amazing!! Anyway onto the vote. It's going to go great because Johnny thinks Allie is going home, but in actuality Johnny is going home. I guess I sorta convinced Allie, Lexi, and Ryan to split the votes on Zak and Aro. So the vote should go 4-3-3, if all goes according to plan. I'm really hoping this works bc Johnny wont expect it, and it'll get the biggest threat out of this game. I really like Johnny though so I hope he won't be too mad and that we can be friends once this is all over.