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#oh god romance is scary
moinsbienquekaworu · 7 months
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Confirmed. There is something going on with me
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katin-biscuit · 3 months
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This might be a "hot take" or whatever, but I think the MCR fandom has a serious problem with letting go. Like, yeah, it'd be really awesome if they did release a new album, but we also need to be okay with it if they don't. The music and the community will still be there even after they stop touring, stop making music, even after all the members are dead. Maybe I'm overreacting a bit, but what with the whole "Paper Kingdom leaks" debacle, it's feeling more and more like the MCR fandom is getting increasingly desperate for new content to a harmful degree. That album was scrapped for a reason, we aren't even supposed to be listening to it. We don't need new content. We don't need MCR to keep touring. I know this band means a lot to a lot of people, it means a lot to me too, but we have to respect the wishes of the band, and if that means that they never get back together, we have to make peace with that that. It probably sounds cheesy as fuck, but I'm being serious when I say that we'll carry on.
TDLR: We don't need MCR to get back together. We'll survive with the same music we always have. Even after the band is gone, we keep going. We keep fighting.
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quivering rn what the heck
baron from the baronies is something that can be so personal actually
ough
#fantasy high#baja’s blasting#the sheer unadulterated aromantic horror in his and rizz’s interactions jesus christ#‘everyone else will find someone they care about more than you’ hey. hey what if i cried#brennan lee mulligan why did you do this to me#the raw fucking dread the science with rizz seeing everyone he knows falling in love or dancing or making out#coupled with this freakish mannequin thing insisting that it is his romance partner. what the fuck#‘you are quite unlike your parents’ hey what the fuck man#and the fact that baron comes from a mirror which ties him into how riz perceives himself…aaaaaa#what if i cried. what if as in i am and have#AND WILL CONTINUE TO DO SO#it’s so sorrowful and realistic and terrifying and oh my god#i just can’t get over it. it is an amalgamation of riz’s fears of his friends all moving on from him after high school#and settling down romantically#it’s just so shfofksiokgnririe#AND THE FACT THAT BARON IS CREATED FROM A LIE RIZ TOLD IN ORDER TO FIT IN. HOW HE CARRIES BARON AROUND IN HIS SUITCASE#BECAUSE U CARRY THAT AROUND THROUGHOUT YOUR DAY#the horror of being in the closet is displayed so purely#also like. being aroace is really scary. it seems like everyone else has something magical that you never will#and you can’t attain it#and just jelstieoektkvkksir#they really did it justice#never gonna recover#sorry i wrote this before i learned that baron uses they/them :(#ignore my lack of lore knowledge#what i lack in facts i make up for in vibes
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theshadowrealmitself · 9 months
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Hypothetical: If you have the opportunity to send a message to a childhood friend (like from around the ages of 10-14) that you had the biggest crush on (that you hid the fuck out of because you didn’t even know if they were gay and even if they were if they’d like you back) who you never got to say bye to because you were suddenly switched to a very. weird and unsettling. version of homeschool. and y’all hadn’t been able to trade phone numbers or anything because their parents were hella strict
Would you send a message or no?
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zellkabellk · 1 year
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Some pictures of Qalaari in BG3... el wiwi, my angel, my babygirl, my little mewmew... Dragonborns have no rights looking this good in this game istg
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my-thoughts-and-junk · 7 months
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love corrupted children's characters <3
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ougdjdhdkhdkd wakfu dndads au?
[after adding the tags- SPARROW AND LARK ELIATROPE BROTHERS DO YOU SEE MY VISION]
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chryzure-archive · 2 years
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actually, i’m still thinking abt a) that one post that mentioned that op dislikes the trope of “s/o out of control via a curse or other magic trickery and they are scary and want to hurt you, but you love them enough that you break them out of it” and b) the convo juno and i had about fantasy using abusive / assault-esque situations in an attempt to come off as romantic or dedicated or whatever, and i’m thinking about how……. it’s more effective when a curse like that immediately breaks the moment the person they love is in danger. because they love you—why would the person you love ever, ever make you scared of them? why would they ever hurt you? even with magic involved, you matter more to them than anything….. they would never, ever cause you harm or make you uncomfortable or anything.
idk, jst bugs me that novels (ya, especially) have a very casual approach towards consent—that they wave away bc of magic and fantastical elements—when really… you can have all of those and have it still be a healthy and consensual relationship. they act like the s/o hurting someone bc they’re under a curse is alright, bc that was just the curse! it wasn’t them! yeah, and if they beat their lover bc they’re intoxicated, that’s fine too, right?
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nvuy · 4 months
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im like itching for a boothill x single parent romance. LIKE WHAT IF they moved in next to boothill and everyones like "naww dont go near that guy hes scary and shit" but when kid sees boothill they get so intrigued by boothill they try to get close to him every time they see and hes just... scared? or paranoid, so he doesnt let them close. and then one time kid was still asking questions to boothill and stuff, parent was rushing looking for them, they see them, and then goes like "omf sir im so sorry my kid bothered you" and then boothill is like "nah its ok id do anyt- no what i mean we just met its cool btw lmao"
yk that one scene in a goofy movie where max get laughed at on the bleachers and then roxanne comes and picks him up and asks if he’s alright and then max starts babbling absolute gibberish yep
“So, how strong are you, mister?”
Boothill’s fingers are pressed against the girl’s tiny tiny hands. So small and little and squishy, and he seriously contemplated squishing her until she popped. His palm is cold against hers, and she giggles at the difference in size.
“Hmm…” He leans back on his heels in his squatting position in the front garden. He taps his chin in thought. “Don’t gotta clue. Anythin’ you need me to pick up?”
The girl gasps and there’s stars in her eyes. “Can you pick me up?” She stretches out her arms towards him.
He cracks a grin at her and ruffles her hair. “I dunno. You might be a bit heavy.” He’s teasing her, of course, but she pouts.
“At least try.”
“Alright, little lady.” He hooks his arms underneath hers and hoists her up easily, hands locked at her ribs. “How’s that? Good enough for ya?”
She hums thoughtfully, a cheeky smile on her face as she, too, taps her chin. “Now you gotta carry me for the entire day.”
It was his turn to pout. “N’aw. That’s no fair.”
“There you are!” There’s a rustle of footsteps and the jangling of keys to his left that made him stiffen for a moment, before your familiar face comes into view. Your eyes flit from him to your daughter. “I’ve been calling you for lunch.”
Oh, great Heavens.
“Hi, gorg– uh…” The ranger stumbles over his tongue and zips his lips shut when a small smile stretches into your lips. “We were– I was just– uh…”
Your daughter looks upset when Boothill gently places her back down in the grass.
“Just horsin’ ‘round,” he finishes. “I was just passin’ by, y’see? And your lil’ princess chased me down.”
You clear your throat, staring down at your shoes for a moment and trying to hide the heat rising from your neck to your face.
“I’m sorry about her,” you say to him. “She’s, um… hard to control.”
“That’s a good thing,” he whispers down to your daughter. “Means you got a free spirit.” He pokes her in the side and she giggles.
You give him another look and his eyes snap to the left, and a casual tune leaves his lips in the form of a whistle.
You offer a hand to the girl. “I made pasta.”
Your daughter practically barrels into your side, almost knocking you over with how her small arms wrap around your hips—she used to only be able to reach your knees. God, time flies.
Your eyes flit to the ranger once more. “Um… I made a lot so… if you’re hungry…” Your eyes trail down to his stomach before you swallow. “Do you get hungry?”
He studies your face for a moment with a pensive look.
Then, Boothill snorts. “Nah, sugar.”
Your face is burning. “Right. Well, you’re welcome to come in, anyway.”
“Oh, please have lunch with us!” your daughter all but begs. Her hands have now interlocked in front of her in a pleading gesture, and she’s offering him her most intense puppy eyes. “I can show you my room.”
He’s immediately swayed. “Well, it’s hard to say no to a cute thing like you.” He reaches down and pinches her cheek.
He watches you blink, perhaps taken aback for a moment.
He thinks you’re so beautiful, even if the apron you’re wearing is covered in sauce stains.
He almost starts cheering when you visibly perk up. “You’ll join us?”
“’Course! I’d do anythin’ for y–” He stops himself by digging his teeth into his tongue. “I mean… if ya insist.”
He can tell you’re biting the inside of your cheeks to keep yourself from smiling too wide. You pucker your lips and look elsewhere, face dark with blood.
Your daughter is strangely silent. He notices she’s enamoured with a bright blue butterfly floating along one of the bushes nearby.
“Cool.” You can’t think of anything else to really say. You rock on your heels absentmindedly. “I’d like that.”
His smile grows impossibly wider. “Would ya now?” He taps your nose once before he bends down to greet your daughter again. “Lead the way, little lady.”
“One sec,” you mumble, digging in your pockets.
You fumble for your ring of keys before you throw them quite badly at the cyborg. He manages to catch them well enough, fingers frozen over the steel.
Huh?
“It’s, um… the purple key. For the front door.”
Sure enough, one of the keys was coated in a deep purple.
Your daughter has already begun sprinting towards the front door. You’re half keeping a close eye on her through your peripherals, but your gaze wanders from her to watch him closely.
“I have a spare so… you can have it,” you continue slowly. Was this… too forward?
Boothill eyes you for a moment. A hand moves to his hips.
Then, in a flash, he pulls the purple key off of the ring it’s attached to and gently tosses it back at you. You struggle to catch them, but you manage with shaky hands and stuff them back into your pocket.
“‘Ppreciate it, pretty thing. You know just how to make a man swoon.”
He blows you a kiss with the steel to his lips and then tips his hat. He catches up with your daughter in no time, sweeping her off her feet and letting her slot the key in the lock to open the door.
You realise when he’s staring at you, one hand holding your own front door open expectantly, that you’re standing out in your front garden gawking at him like an idiot.
You quickly follow him inside, and he closes the door behind you. He’s quick to swing an arm around your waist when you guide him into the kitchen.
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wolfiesmoon · 9 months
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I can't sleep
Ran x good girl!reader
Do i want a bad boy (literal criminal) bf? Yea but i would probably cry if he insulted me or got into trouble in any capacity at all
(i am totally not unironically vibing to pretty little psycho while writing this)
edit: i made a part 2!!
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"I dare you to kiss Haitani Ran." Your friend nudged you.
You knew you shouldn't have agreed to this stupid game of truth or dare. You knew your friend was going to make you do stupid stuff like this.
"Like... the big scary delinquent guy?" You asked, hoping you heard her wrong.
"Yeah, that Haitani Ran." Your friend smirked mischeviously.
"How about I don't do that?" The last thing you'd want to do is get involved wth any delinquents or gangs. You have no idea how dangerous Ran could be and even if he wasn't you'd still refuse to kiss a good for nothing delinquent.
"Are you trying to get me killed?" you followed up, realising just how bad this dare could end up.
"You do know that refusing this dare means that you have to do anything I say for a week, right?" Your friend had a horribly evil look on her face. You don't even want to know the things she would make you do if you refused this stupid dare.
But is kissing Ran any better? Pick your poison, you suppose.
"Fine, I'll do it." You said behind clenched teeth, not at all happy about this outcome. You've never even kissed before, and now you have to kiss freaking Ran Haitani. You might actually die.
Why did you agree? What is wrong with you?
This might just be the worst day of your life.
You ended up being a little unfocused in class, making your teacher worry.
.
"Haitani-san." you call out to him, your voice dying off slightly at the end due to nerves. You're the only ones left in the classroom, with your friend watching from behind the door to make sure you actually do it. He looks back at you and you feel a shiver run through you.
Oh my god, you're actually doing this.
He stops, waiting to see what you want with him. You move closer to him, and his eyes narrow slightly, as if he's getting a good look at you.
"Now, what could the class president herself possibly want with me?" his tone was slightly mocking and you would have showed him you're not to be messed with but honestly you'd probably be the one losing in that scenario.
You inhaled sharply, pulling him down by his braids and planting a kiss straight onto his lips. This feels like a bad shojo plot, the "good girl" falls in love with the "bad boy" and kisses him all of a sudden. Except there's no romance involved here. Just a dare.
Is this how you kiss? Why does it feel so strange? That should be enough, right? You can feel your parents shaking their heads dissaprovingly already.
Ok, now you're just kissing him for way too long. It's time to let go. And you try to, you really do. Since when were his arms wrapped around your waist, anyways? And why isn't he letting you go?!
You can feel your friend's evil stare burning into your back. This is not amusing!
He laughed a little into the kiss, pulling you impossibly closer. Oh, so they're both going to enjoy your suffering now, you see how it is.
Still, kissing him isn't half ba-
Ok, you're actually losing it. You need out and fast.
You wriggled out of his grasp, running away as fast as your legs could take you. You heard both Ran and your friend yell something behind you but you honestly don't care.
Why did you ever agree to do this?!
.
That same thought persisted even as you tossed and turned in bed that night.
"Oh god, he's going to send his goons after me and I'm gonna die... And then I won't ever get to become successful..." you muttered to yourself.
"Or maybe he's gonna come and kill me myself after school tommorow... Ugh..." you can't come to school tired, you won't be able to pay attention in class that way. You can't ruin your perfect record by falling asleep in class.
Who cares about the perfect record?! You should be worried for your life!
"And what is that stupid noise, anyways?" you muttered, grumbling and getting up to inspect the source. Another stone hits the window, making you jump slightly. You walk to the window and open it, narrowly avoiding a stone that was thrown your way.
"Sorry!~"
Wait. You'd recognise that voice anywhere.
It's Ran.
"What are you doing here? How did you even get my adress?" you half yelled, not wanting to wake up your parents.
"You shouldn't sweat the little things. Come downstairs." he was smiling calmly, but you still couldn't tell if he was threatening you. Actually, is that his motorcycle parked next to him?
"You should probably put on a jacket too. It's real cold." he added on, and you nervously closed the window, quietly sneaking downstairs and putting on a jacket. Your pyjamas are not the most presentable, but you really don't want to test his patience right now.
You met him outside. What is he going to do to you now?
"Get on." he pointed to his bike, catching you off guard.
"Not without a helmet, riding a motorcycle without one can be really dangerous and you could lose your life." you couldn't help but bring up safety regulations. It's in your nature.
"I told you, don't sweat the details and just sit down." he completely ignored you, pushing you in the direction of the bike. You complied, sitting down on it awkwardly, not sure what to expect. He doesn't seem violent...
He sat down behind you, revving up the engine and just driving off without a care in the world.
"W-Wait!" you were shocked at the speed, grabbing onto him by instinct and missing the way his lips curved up at that.
"Where are you taking me?! I never consented to this!" you had to yell over the sound of the engine, shutting your eyes. He was right, it really is cold when you're riding on a motorcycle.
"And you know what I didn't consent to? That kiss." he replied and your face scrunched up a little, cringing at the not so distant memory. "But that's fine, because that means you're mine now."
"Huh?!" you finally opened your eyes, looking up at him. His expression was a little hard to make out since the only thing illuminating it was street lights that you were speeding past. Is he even following the speed limit?
"I value my sleep, you see. And that little stunt you pulled made me unable to fall asleep. So I figured I might as well give you a little visit." he placed a hand over you protectively, making you worry about your safety even more.
"Who would have thought the top of the class good girl would fall for me?" he looked down at you.
"I did not fall in love with you! It was a dare!" you shot back.
"Oh well, doesn't matter. You're my girl now. And that's that."
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Distracted pt 1
Part 2 ->
Sebastian Michaelis x Fem!Reader
THIS IS SMUT MINORS PLS DO NOT.
CW: “Dear/Darling” terms used, oral f!receiving, 🐶style, multiple climaxes.
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You’re the new maid at the Phantomhive manor and we’re going on your third day of training. You being a single woman with not much history of romance you figured being a maid of a high class family would be a breeze. Freedom after hours, beautiful housing, etc. Until you met the head butler, Sebastian and God is he gorgeous. I mean this man is the most attractive human being you’ve ever laid your eyes on and he was basically perfect as what he does. No flaw or hiccup in anything he did, it was almost scary. He couldn’t have been human. Even him looking at you from a time to time throughout the day would send a wave through your body, causing you to feel a little needy. You held out though, not wanting to be distracted on your new job. I guess you understood why that red headed main Mey-Rin was so clumsy especially around Sebastian.
You were going about your daily tasks, the laundry for the house, nobody touched the young lord Ciel’s clothing other than Sebastian himself and honestly you were thankful for that, less work for you to do.
Today was difficult, given you haven’t even touched yourself since before you had started your new line of work, and you had a fairy high drive that you used to keep up with on a nightly basis. But given the new environment and close quarters to your co-workers you held off and damnit was it getting rough. Sebastian had manually shown you a few things to practice for the up and coming ball that were to be held in the manor and he wanted to make sure you knew how to dance properly, it’s unlikely you’d be asked but there was always a chance he needed you prepared.
-flashback to that morning-
Sebastian walked over to you with his soft smile he always had on his face, his perfect pale face. “Ah, y/n just the woman I was looking for. Come. I need you to do something for me.” You didn’t say much as you followed him into an open area in the manor. “Dance with me a moment.” He extended his hand out waiting for you to take it. You weren’t the best dancer but you never had to do it much before. You sheepishly put your hand in his, your face saying everything you were feeling. The anxiety, the unease and the overthinking. Sebastian gave a grin and squeezed your hand slightly. “Don’t be nervous my dear, I’ll teach you everything you need to know.” He pulled you close, chests touching, his hand placed on your slower back, his touch is firm yet soft somehow. He’s warm, comfortingly warm.
Oh gosh, he’s so close to you. He smells nice, clean. Of course he does. He’s perfect. As Sebastian guides you through the basic steps and possible moves one could do in a traditional dance, he grew slightly irritated as you kept looking down at your feet, soon the hand holding your back moved up to your chin and lifted your gaze to his red eyes. “Y/n. It’s rude not to look at your dance partner. It shows that you’re uninterested. Look at me from now on, understand?” He was grinning, he knew he had you wrapped around his finger and it was annoying. How could you just stare at him the whole time, your body wasn’t prepared for that much eye contact. Let’s just say it was incredibly difficult to look at him, unwavering and not fumble with your steps but you somehow managed to get through it.
-end of flashback-
Yeah, that whole ordeal replaying in your head wasn’t helping your needy situation whatsoever. You kept spacing on the simplest thing and fumbling more than usual, it was irritating you so much. Finnian asked several times if you felt alright, he must’ve blabbed to Sebastian because soon enough the tall pale figure walked over to you. His eyes held a look of concern. “Y/n, Finnian told me you weren’t feeling well. Is that true?” He asked, leaning ever so slightly over you, his eyes dancing over your body. “Oh! No Sebastian. I’m fine really, thanks for checking on me-” you were cut off by his hand on your forehead, which caused you to start blushing. His eyebrow quirked up and he sighed. “Ah, you’ve got a slight fever, come now.” He p i c k e d you up bridal style and carried you towards your quarters. It was quiet in there given that everyone else was working around the manor. It was just you two.
You protested a few times on the way until he laid you onto your bed, walking over to your door and locking it.
What..?
Your eyebrows furrowed a bit and you looked up at Sebastian, “i- um. What are you doing, Sebastian?” You ask shyly, your mind going crazy at all the possible reasons, of course focusing on the dirtiest outcomes. He walked back over towards you, sitting next to you on the bed, reaching for the back of your dress.
“One with a fever shouldn’t undress themselves. If Mey-Rin were to do it, I fear she’d rip your uniform. That’d be a hassle for me to repair. If it makes your more comfortable I can do this blindfolded.” You could feel his gloved hands tickle your back, you weren’t wearing an undershirt, this uniform was quite warm when working sometimes. You breathe deep and slow, attempting to calm your nerves and hormones running rampant. “N-no it’s fine I-… I can do it.” You could very well do it yourself, but Sebastian doing it was a fantasy becoming reality. You thought it wouldn’t get much harder until you felt a warm breath on your neck, a low voice in your ear and a hand under your uniform holding firmly onto your waist. “I know what your issue is dear, you’re a bit… pent. I know the scent anywhere.” You turn and face him, bright red across your face. “H-hey!” He was incredibly close, impossibly close without kissing you. “S-Sebasti-“ he put a finger on your lips. “If you try and keep quiet I can help you. If you’d like of course.”
What?
Your eyes grew heavy as you gave into him, how could you not? He closed the distance between you and kissed you deeply, you whining as he did so, feeling such a touch for the first time in so long was bliss, it was dirty, it was sinful but it felt so good. His eyes open, his hands running about your body, feeling every curve, every crevice, remembering your shape and taking note on every special spot that seemed to get you going. One of his hands going up your skirt, onto your thighs, pulling down a stocking and laying you onto your back. Your body’s senses were on high and every touch felt like a fire being sent to your core. This was unlike anything you’ve felt before, it was intense and he was simply touching you. He swiftly pulled up your skirt and placed his thumb on your throbbing clit, making slight movements. You pull away from the kiss with a gasp and pushed the back of your head into the pillow beneath you, biting your lip to fight the moan wanting so desperately to escape. Your climax already beginning to build from this small stimulation. Sebastian placed his lips upon your neck, leaving small bites on your sensitive areas. His fingers moving gracefully over your clothed pussy, he felt how excited you were, the soaked panties were a dead giveaway for anyone but he could smell how aroused you were, which got him excited. Not that his body showed signs of it but internally he was going to devour you. He finally pulled back and pulled your panties down, revealing a wet mess. He didn’t miss a beat starting to eat you out, there was no warning, no teasing. Just his tongue on your hot core. You went to moan but his hand swiftly covered your mouth which drove you mad, he was good. Almost instinctually you moved your head and began to suck on his gloved fingers. He looked up at you and stopped for a moment, hands on either side of you, just looming above you. He pulled his hand out and let his fingertips linger at your lips. “Bite the glove.” He commanded, you did so and he slipped his hand out. “Good girl. I didn’t realize you were so naughty. Maybe you needed this more than I thought.” He threw the glove out of your mouth and resumed position. Fingers in your mouth and tongue back onto you. You wanted nothing more than for him to fuck you silly right then and there. But the things his tongue could somehow manage to do were inhuman, your climax quickly built, it was almost embarrassing. You whined and whimpered as you came, your whole body tensing up as he rode your through your climax, letting it settle before pulling away, a trail of your cum and his saliva connecting you and his mouth. He smirked, almost amused on how quickly that happened. “My my. How sweet you taste.” Oh my God.
As his fingers left your mouth you sat up and reached for his pants. He allowed you to undo his buttons, watching intently as he removed the other glove that remained on his right hand.
As you finally got his dick out, it was hard and ready, you were about to take it in your mouth before he put a hand on your shoulder, pushing you back. “No no, this is about you. I’ll enjoy myself plenty. Just submit.” You bit your lip, glancing back down at his member. “Y-yes sir.” He sure did like obeisance. He got off the bed and gestured tot he edge. “Bend over.” Holy shit what? You blinked and slowly began to move, he sighed. “Quickly now.” He grabbed your hips and brought you in front of him, lifting you with ease, turning you away and pushing you forward onto the bed. It was such a vulnerable position, your skirt covering you until he lifted the fabric and placed it onto your back.
You felt his tip meet your entrance and you whispered “oh fuck..” you heard a giggle, did he hear you?
“Such a filthy little mouth.”
He didn’t warn you, he rammed into you, having you take his entire length immediately, you couldn’t help but moan out as he did so. He soon grabbed a fistful of your pretty hair and put your face to the mattress. “Quiet now, I’m about to begin.” You bit your lip hard as he showed you no mercy. His quick and rough pace were enough to make you see the gates of heaven themselves. Well maybe gates of hell with how this was going. You were burying your face into the mattress moaning into it to muffle whatever you could. His name was your new favorite word, along with a string of words of your full submission. You felt your core begin to heat back up as you felt another orgasm coming quickly. He obviously felt it too as you tighten around his dick, your walls memorizing his shaft and forming to welcome it. It was the first sound you heard from him, a subtle grunt but it was proof of his own pleasure from this.
The room was filled with lewd sounds. The muffled moans, the slaps of your bodies, the absolute mess you were creating, the creaking of your bed frame. All of it being permanently trapped in the walls of your quarters. You’d never walk in here again and not think about this.
“That’s right. Cum for me, darling. Be a good girl and cum.” That was it, you were sent flying over your edge with another intense climax, bigger than the one before. As he slowed down your body twitched at every subtle move, you attempted to regain your breath but you could hardly move your legs. “S-Sebastian… but you didn’t...” You looked over your shoulder at him while he was cleaning up from the utter mess you made on his dick. “Oh dear y/n, I’m not sure you could handle the work it would take for me to cum myself.” He smirked. The way he said it didn’t make it sound condescending or cocky, just matter of fact. You shot up, shakily. Looking at him. “No! I can! I don’t want you to be disappointed or left unattended to!” He lifted your chin up once again, getting absurdly close. “Trust me darling, I’d break you. I don’t want to do that. If I want some more fun, you’ll hear a knock. Now rest.” With that he left you, in your sex filled room, cum soaked sheets and disheveled hair. What a filthy girl you are.
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cheeeeseburger · 3 months
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Do you dream of me? (cause you're a dream to me)
Fernando Alonso x Reader
Masterlist
A/N: They could never make me hate you, fake dating trope. English is not my first language, apologies for the mistakes!
As soon as Fernando opened the car door for you and you stepped out, all dolled up, cameras flashed everywhere. This was a part of being Fernando’s girlfriend that you were still getting used to. Actually, you weren’t used to any things related to dating him, since in reality, you were not really together.
Fernando had asked you to be his fake girlfriend two months ago. Initially, you just laughed at him, but he was not kidding at all. He wanted to work on his PR, and a good romance story always does the trick, right?
“Please, just think about it. I’m not crazy! It would only be for show. It would be fake dating.” You were impressed at his romcom knowledge. He definitely knew the literature, to use words like fake dating. Still, that was not enough to convince you.
The thing is, Fernando was your boss. You had been his assistant for over two years now, and he knew you were single and available. Saying no to his proposal would put you in a difficult situation. It’s not like the whole fake dating thing would only benefit him, though. The more you thought about it, the more you wanted to accept.
“You would only have to come to a few events with me, which you already come to as my assistant! You would just have to pretend we’re together. Of course, you would receive compensation for your services.” Fernando said. He did not get why you suddenly gasped.
“I was about to say yes, but I’m not a hooker or an escort, Fernando! How dare you suggest these things to me?” Frankly, you were insulted. He answered immediately, panicked: “No, that’s not what I meant, of course not! I just meant that since you’re going to, um, work extra, I will pay you more, that’s all. You’re too much of a good girl for all of that, anyway.”
Goddamn. You blushed intensely. You would definitely be a good girl for him, if you were actually dating. Oops.
“Wait, didn’t you say you were going to say yes?” Damn him for actually listening to you.
You blushed a little: “I mean, it’s just that I have, let’s say, a situation, that could be fixed if we publicly dated…” You looked away, embarrassed.
“What is it, muñeca?” He genuinely looked concerned for you. He really was a caring boss, huh?
“It’s just that, um, there’s this guy…” You did not want to continue the rest of the sentence. You were the colour of a ripe tomato.
“And you want to make him jealous?” He raised an eyebrow. Oh wow. Has he watched Anyone But You on a flight recently or something?
“Oh God no, absolutely not! It’s the opposite, really. I went on one date with him, and he can’t get a hint. He always comes tries to talk to me, even though I told him multiple times that I was no longer interested. He’s an engineer at Ferrari, so he’s always around. It’s getting scary.” Telling your boss your horror dating stories was really, really embarrassing.
“What? That’s not okay!” He looked pissed. “Muñeca, this is not right. You should have told me. I could have fixed the issue. I would have helped you.”
You flushed. It was cute to see your boss so worried about you. “Anyway, that’s why I’m tempted to say yes to be your fake girlfriend. Maybe that other guy will back off.”
“I didn’t know you went on dates. You’re always busy helping me.” He crossed his arms on his chest.
“Well, he’s always around since he works in F1. He just asked me out and I said yes.” You were avoiding his gaze, afraid of being in trouble for some reason.
“Why didn’t it work out?” Ok, now you were definitely looking everywhere but at him. The real reason was too humiliating too say out loud. Why did he care anyway?
“It’s not a big deal, don’t worry about it.” He noticed you were mortified but did not pick up on it. You sighed: “I think we should do it. But I’m still going to have my job after, right?”
“Of course, muñeca. You’re too essential in my life for me to let you go.” Apparently, he was not above flattery to convince you. Apparently, flattery was a great way to bribe you.
“It’s a deal, then.” You shook Fernando’s hand. You immediately shivered at his touch.
“You’re mi amorcito now.”
Oh God. What did you get yourself into?
Anyway, you felt Fernando’s hand on your back, softly guiding you towards the entrance of the party at a high-end hotel. As usual when there were cameras around, you put on a show. Your performance was Oscar worthy. He spun you around so people could admire your look. You blew him a kiss. You leaned on him while he put an arm around you. He kissed the top of your head, and you whispered in his ear.
“I think we’ve really fooled them.”
“It’s good, but it’s only the beginning. I’m not done with you, muñeca.”
To anybody on the outside, you two looked like the hot, exciting, and loving couple of the moment. Sometimes, it looked that way to you too. It was hard to remember that this was not real when he kissed you, or when you were in his arms, or just when you were with him in general. Playing pretend with him was so easy. It was fun, even. You were getting showered in gifts and kisses by your boss, who just happens to be a man you find really attractive. You could have done worst for a side hustle, right?
The media was having a field day with your relationship. Some thought the age gap was a bit weird, but most people just thought that it was cute that Alonso fell in love with his assistant. You had even seen a TikTok edit of you two. You looked hot in it, so that was nice. You were the it WAG of the moment.
The other drivers were also freaking out that Alonso, a long-time bachelor, had finally met his match. You had to act extra lovingly in front of them, just to prove to them that he had finally settled. Also, Fernando just liked to show off a pretty young thing like you in his arms, because the rest of the grid was definitely jealous.
You made you way inside, making sure to always close the gap between you and Fernando. You were constantly flushed, because him touching you did wonders for your nerves. Small talk was hard, but it was even more difficult to do with his arm around your waist. You pulled on his arm.
“Fernando, baby, I need a drink.” The word baby slipped off a little too casually for your liking. He seemed to like it though, because you felt his possessive grip at the nickname. He smiled, pleased.
“Alright, amorcito. What do you want?” He led you to the bar, the crowd letting him pass easily. This was another advantage of dating an F1 driver. Also, he always paid for all your drinks, which is an added bonus, right? You needed a drink to survive the night anyway.
“I want to get drunk. Not passed out drunk, but drunk enough that there is a risk that I will get up to dance on a table.” He laughed at that, and you smiled him. The urge to kiss him was strong. Technically, you could do it, since you were in a public place with people watching your every movement. So far, you had always let him kiss you first, because you were simply too shy. Anytime you felt his lips on yours, forgetting that this was not real was way too easy.
“I would want to see that, muñeca.” The music was loud, and he spoke in your ear. You shivered. Oh yes, more than one drink would be needed. “I’ll have a whiskey sour, and a cosmo for the lady,” Fernando said at the bartender. It was cute that he remembered your drink of choice. But you needed more than a Cosmo to ease your nerves right now. Forget about being classy.
“I’ll have three tequila shots as well, please.” You nearly had to shout for the bartender to hear you. Fernando looked surprised.
“You were not kidding, huh?”
“I won’t embarrass you by being too drunk, I swear. But it’s just that there are so many people here, and I’m kind of nervous.” He put your hand in his and started to draw circles on it with his thumb.
“It’s okay, mi armorcito. These people are not important. The only thing that matters is you and me. I want you to have a good time, muñeca.” You softened at his words. Even though you had not gotten you shots yet, you managed to have enough courage to finally kiss him. He was surprised at first, but he quickly recovered and pulled you closer to him. You pulled away, blushing, but only because the bartender put your drinks in front of you. He smiled at you and his gaze lingered on your mouth.
You drank your shots back-to-back without even making a face. “That’s a good girl,” said Fernando, sipping his whiskey. He knew what he was doing. The alcohol hadn’t even kicked in yet, but you were feeling bolder already.
“Are you into good girls, boss?” You drank innocently from your Cosmo, batting your eyelashes. It was his turn to get flushed. Maybe he had a thing for authority?
“When they look like you, sure. And you’re always so good to me, taking care of my every need. Well, almost.” He winked at you. Surely, the few sips of his drink were not enough to get him to say things like that purely because of the alcohol. Was this really coming from him? It was a delicious thought, almost as delicious as your Cosmo.
“I know this is fake, but baby, if it wasn’t, I would fulfill your every needs. And I mean, all your needs, boss.” You put your hand on his arm to really send the message. The tequila had finally hit your system. His desire for you was obvious in his eyes.
“Amorcito, you would be my favourite assistant of all time, for sure. I would never let you go.” He pulled you close to him, with his hands around your waist. He was looking at you so intensely that it almost felt like love.
You let yourself daydream. “Nobody could say a thing, because pleasing your boss is the goal of being an assistant, right?”
“Exactly, muñeca. But since they don’t know that this is fake, they couldn’t say anything if, let say, they caught us?” He smirked at you, softly brushing the loose stands of hair away from your face
Oh, you knew were this was getting, but the alcohol in your blood and his handsome face were telling you to go along.
“Absolutely, baby. I bet you’d like it, too.” You finished your drink and ordered another shot.
“What, if we were caught?” He nearly choked out his whiskey sour.
“Yeah. Wouldn’t you like it if someone was to walk in on you having me on your desk? If people heard me screaming your name?” The look on his face was priceless. Toying with him was fun. 
He leaned to whisper in your ear: “Don’t give me ideas, amorcito.” He lingered there for a moment, breathing against your neck. You were breathing rapidly. If you only tilted your head a bit, your lips would be near his. It was tempting, so you did it. As he went in for the kiss, you suddenly pulled away, then downed your last shot. You were not done playing with him.
“I want to dance. Come on!” You pulled on his arm, and Fernando had no choice but to follow you on the dance floor.
。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜゜。。+゜
He was a surprisingly a good dancer. It must be the Spanish in him. He made you feel hot all over. You left the dancefloor feeling very turned on and with a few new hickeys on your neck as a bonus. This happened all the time in fake dating movies, right? You had not broken any rule.
Fernand pulled you to the bar to get something to drink. Things were not PG anymore. His hand was on your ass to guide you instead of on your waist like it was earlier.
“Do you want another Cosmo, muñeca?” You shook your head.
“No baby, I want to get a special treat. Can I please have a sex on the beach?”
He raised an eyebrow at your request, but he still passed it along to the bartender with another whiskey for him. He was not nearly as drunk as you were, so he had no excuse regarding crossing the line between what is real and what is fake.
“You know, amorcito, I could give you the real thing,” he said to you as he passed you your drink.
“What, sex on the beach? I already did that,” you answered, laughing. He looked positively shocked.
“An innocent girl like you? I don’t believe it.” He also didn’t want it to be true.
You smirked. “You remember that the reason I accepted to date you was to get rid of a guy that was like, obsessed with me?” He nodded, wanting to hear where this was going.
“Well, the reason why he can’t get enough of me is because I rocked his world on a beach!” You looked away, embarrassed even with all the alcohol you had consumed. He put his hand under your chin to force you to look at him.
“Muñeca, is this for real? That’s why he won’t leave you alone? He was not happy.
“Yes! But I don’t want anything to do with this guy. He didn’t even make me finish,” you whined. Fernando brushed your lower lip with his thumb. Somehow, you just knew that if it was him instead of that engineer, you would have come. Multiple times, for sure.
“Poor amorito.” He caressed your hair with his free hand. “You know I would never do that to you, right?” You chuckled lightly.
“Oh, I know.” You whispered in his ear: “I had a sex dream about you once.” This was a lie. You had multiple dreams where he had rocked your world. In multiple ways.
You started to give him a few kisses underneath his ear, in that spot that you knew he liked. He grabbed your ass to bring you closer to him.
“What? Amorcito, you must tell me how it was.” He was getting overwhelmed by your confession and the trail of kisses you left on his neck. You just laughed against his throat.
“Baby, I don’t dream and tell.” First of all, you could not believe you had actually told him you dreamed of him. No way in hell would you reveal the fantasy you had of him. He was still your boss!
But Fernando really, really wanted to know. He spun you so your back was against the bar and held you by your wrists. He got centimeters away from your face. “You will this time, muñeca.”
Ok, so he was not playing around anymore. Does the fact that this was the hottest thing you had ever seen in your life says a lot about you? About your relationship with your dad?
“You have to promise me you won’t mock me, okay?” You were suddenly shy. Maybe you should have ordered another sex on the beach. Wait, no. All of this started because of a stupid sex on the beach. A tequila sunrise would have to do next time.
He kissed your cheek and slowly moved to your jaw. “I promise, amorcito. Just tell me, please. I have to know.” A man begging was always a sight to see.
“Okay, baby. I’ll tell you.” Just thinking about it made you feel hot all over. “In my dream, we were in Monaco. You had parked your car, the green Aston Martin, and… You were fucking me against it. But I mean, really fucking me.” You were blushing, but he was the one who had turned scarlet. You continued: “Remember, this is a dream, okay? A paparazzi took a picture of you, um, having me against your car, and it was all over the medias. But we didn’t care, in fact, you printed and framed the picture, and you hung it in your living room in Monaco. And we fucked again in front of it. That’s it.”
Okay, that wasn’t so bad. Your face was heating up, and you were worried since Fernando hadn’t said anything yet. Had you gone too far? You could always blame it on the alcohol. One thing for sure, you had definitely crossed the line of fake dating.
“Eres el sueño de mi vida, amorcito.” Fernando pulled you close to his body to lead you to a dark corner of the room. He pushed you against the wall and he was immediately all over you. You couldn’t help but moan when you felt him palming you.
“Fernando, baby, is this still us fake dating?” He answered between two hickeys on your neck.
“None of this is fake, muñeca. It never was.” His lips crashed on yours. It just felt so good to really have him, without pretending. You had to remember you were in a public place, otherwise your dress would have been on the floor ages ago.
“I swear I’m going to start screaming your name soon, baby. I need you so bad. Can we please go back to the hotel?” He smiled at your eagerness.
“As much as I would like everyone to hear you, including the other drivers, I think we better leave, amorcito.” He reluctantly pulled away to grab your hand.
“Don’t worry baby, the Monaco GP is in two weeks, everyone will hear me and see me screaming your name there,” You winked at him and pulled him outside of the party.
You clearly had an eye for design, because the picture of you two really did look great in the apartment you shared in Monaco.
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three--rings · 13 days
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You Should Watch The Spirealm/致命游戏
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What is it?
A 2024 cdrama based on the danmei webnovel Kaleidoscope of Death. It's a censored version of a BL novel, with thriller, mystery, and horror aspects, 38 45-minute episodes.
What's it about?
A young man accidentally gets drawn into a virtual reality video game that involves passing tests in a series of doors. Once you start playing, you cannot stop and if you die in the game, you die in real life. He meets a frustratingly mysterious, competent, and attractive man in the doors who recruits him to be part of his game solving team. Well, specifically to be his partner. Lots of gay subtext ensues as they fight through door after door seeking to get to the final door in order to end the evils of the game. (The book is a little different, as it's more supernatural.)
So basically it's a infinite flow deadly game situation, with m/m romance.
Main Characters:
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Lin Quishi/Ling Juishi (novel/drama versions of his name)- Our protagonist. A smart graduate in computer science, good at games. Well meaning but a little naive to start out.
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Ruan Nanzhu/Ruan Lanzhu - Our love interest. In the novel he crossdresses often and he presents as a woman for the whole first arc. Super intelligent, expert at the game, extremely flirty but reserved at the same time. Got one look at Lin Quishi and said That One.
Other Characters, aka the Found Family:
Ruan Nanzhu's team consists of a pair of twin brothers (one young and dumb and one uptight), a hot doctor vet, a woman whose main job seems to be cooking dinner, and a not-so-stable dude.
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Then there's Li Dong Yuan, a rival player who becomes reluctantly-tolerated friend, and his cute female assistant. And Tan Zao Zao, an actress who hires the team to help her in the games and also sticks around persistently.
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They're pretty much all delightful and some may start off silly/annoying and end up breaking the hell out of your heart.
Okay, but what's the VIBE?
Big Guardian vibes. The team of lovable scamps investigating weird supernatural (?) type mysteries? While the boss and the guy he fell for have a situationship? Totally. This definitely has more of a horror feel than Guardian, though, even though they tone things down from the novel.
Each door is its own setting, and some are more scary than others. So one is a mental hospital, one is a traditional village, one is a gothic manor, etc. Lots of tragic female ghosts who have been wronged and are getting revenge. The one that really creeped me out was the one with the children with the eggs. It does a lot of creepy rather than really horror. It's not truly gory at all, as it was made to air on Chinese TV and they have strict limits to violence.
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The camerawork and set decor is really nice, actually. It looks great most of the time and a lot of the effects seem to be practical. It looks a lot better than Guardian is what I'm saying, if not quite to a film level.
How Gay is It?
Oh MY GOD. Okay look, this show was NOT supposed to be released, but thank whoever put it up for that two hours. It's really incredibly blatant, like really as much as Word of Honor was, although because the plot is focused elsewhere it's maybe not quite as in your face. But the actors UNDERSTOOD THE ASSIGNMENT and there's so much longing and SO much implication. After a while, everyone basically just treats the main couple as a couple even thought it's never talked about.
I mean episode one there's Only One Bed and at the end of their first meeting Ruan Nanzhu gives Lin Quishi a RING. I mean, the flirting is also BLATANT. I also just find this a really romantic show, despite the Not Talking About It thing.
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Is it a Happy Ending?
So, It's Complicated. I'm trying not to spoil anything and this show is pretty easy to have spoiled for you. There's definitely a good bit of tragedy in this show in general. Characters die and it's really sad. Like, this is a plot with stakes and if no one we liked ever died, it wouldn't be the same.
I will say I consider this show to have a happy ending, but you do go through some pain first. Essentially the main couple does have a separation, but there is a reunion before the end. There's also a scene that will give Guardian fans fucking PTSD, but the show does a fix-it on its own, okay? I do feel that I have to warn for that, though.
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Where can I watch it?
The show is legally available on Viki with a subscription. Obviously there are other ways to find it as well, and links went around before it was picked up by Viki so check tags if you need those.
I really hope this encourages some people to watch this show, as it's really well made and a great time. It's one of a very small number of danmei adaptations we've gotten, but a lot less people have watched it since it's modern and had a weird release. Honestly, it's well written and acted and filmed and you should give it a shot.
(All gifs by @ruanbaijie, thank you very much for allowing me to use them. Check out their blog, there's such gorgeous stuff there!)
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moghedien · 5 months
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honestly I'm just constantly obsessing over the Lae'zel romance scenes, but like I think I've finally decided which version of the duel (you winning or her) I prefer from just like a character standpoint.
because in the moment I went back and forth with both versions because I wasn't sure, but then ended up staying with the version where I win, and I think that's my preference now because it just feels like a subtler but more intense mind fuck to Lae'zel if you take everything that happened up into this point into account.
and do not get my wrong, i think the version where she wins is absolutely a mind fuck to her for many reasons, and I do love it. like her realizing that you aren't weak and she's like horrified at having hurt you and that very concept confusing her? amazing. we love her for it.
but if you win the duel, I feel like that forces her to recontextualize soo much more if you played the romance how I did at least. because basically any time she told me to submit, i did. I never tried to be the dominant one. I never even really teased her for being soft in certain circumstances or got snarky with her or got upset when she'd be like possessive and demeaning.
and I imagine that the githyanki sex rituals dictate that like the weaker one is submissive one and so obviously Lae'zel was the stronger one your relationship and if you did nothing to dissuade her of that fact then you obviously agree. there's no love or preference in it. There's just like desire and physical need and ability that decides who's doing what.
and I feel like this is backed up by the conversation when you can turn the one night stand into a two night stand, where she's like "you look weak and pathetic when you look at me. you look terrified." And also the fact that you can request that she stay and cuddle you afterward in that scene and she's like, baffled and upset by that suggestion. She calls it pointless grappling and a waste of muscles. like sex is combative to her. If you're not fighting for dominance or directly getting off in that moment, then what's the point? and if you embarrass her by suggesting she's never cuddled before, then she tries to get back at you by pointing out that she killed some kind of creature and you haven't. like do not get it twisted. dominance in sex is like expressly tied to actual strength and weakness outside of sex to her.
So if you win the duel? If you've been unquestioningly letting her dominant you in every sexual encounter and then only to turn around and fucking annihilate her in battle the first time you're actually going head to head, 1v1?
Imagine how much that must fuck with her perceptions what your relationship has been up until this point.
Because now its not even just her realizing that she has feelings for you that she doesn't know how to deal with. Oh no. She's realizing that every single time she's told you to submit and you did, its not because you couldn't dominate her. Its not because you were afraid of her or thought you were weaker than her. Its not because you couldn't flip things around on her. its not just that you were so lustful toward her that you submitted just to be able to have sex. It's because you specifically wanted to be the submissive one and you wanted her to do what she wanted with you.
You coulda kicked her ass at any time. And you never even tried. You never even hinted at it.
and god, the cuddling? You didn't want that just to distract or as some trick to exhaust her? You just wanted to cuddle? you wanted to be soft and hold each other just for the sake of it?
and the fact that its only after the duel that she asks you to be gentler with each other now and she says its the most terrifying thing she's ever done just kinda hammers that home for me. Because she realized it isn’t weakness that makes her (and you) want those things. It’s still scary to ask for though…
Like I'm just saying, if you've just unquestionably submitted to her and then you kick her ass, then she's not just grappling with the fact that she's having feelings. She's grappling with the fact that you've been having feelings this entire time and were much more aware of it than her, and that didn’t make you weak, so maybe it doesn’t make her weak either?
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heesdreamer · 2 years
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let you break my heart again
PAIRING ➩ jake x reader
SUMMARY ➩ attending the same college as your childhood friend ( and longtime crush ) jake sim, you weren’t prepared for the complete change in his personality.
GENRE ➩ playboy au! jake. based off the lyrics of the ‘let you break my heart again’ by laufey. romance ( slight angst )
WARNINGS ➩ suggestive content at times
WC ➩ 9.08k
feeling kind of sick tonight all ive had is coffee and leftover pie, it’s no wonder why
“I’m doing fine here mom…. no it’s great, I’ve made lots of friends. Of course I’m eating well mom, but I really don’t have time for this I’m super busy. No I love you too. Yes I will, talk soon bye.”
Hanging up the phone, you let it fall onto the floor beside you. You were sprawled out on your stiff couch, staring up at the chipping paint on the ceiling and letting your hand dangle off so your fingers were just barely brushing the carpeted floor.
It was starting to become exhausting to lie to your mom, at first it was merely an annoyance but now you genuinely felt like you were committing some sick act every time you spoke. Luckily for you, the longer you were away from home, she called less and less.
Moving away from your hometown always seemed big and scary to you and that’s why you longed for it so bad.
But here you were now and the excitement of an unpredictable independent city life was dimmed down and you were just left with a low amount of funds, and possibly a stress induced head cold.
oh, still you take up all my mind
Your phone buzzing lowly against the carpet caused your head to turn dramatically, leaning over with a groan and fumbling to grab it from off the floor in a haste.
Holding it up above your face, you squinted at the bright screen, and sighed when you realized it was just another spam email and not the message you’d been awaiting. Around this time yesterday you had drunkenly sent a message to Jake Sim, more on him later, and now you were sitting in misery waiting for his response.
Jake Sim was the only other person from your hometown that you knew who had made the move to the city. He actually was the original inspiration for your plans in the first place, being one year older and moving before you even finished high school.
At one point you’d have like to consider yourself friends, running in the same social circle and even hanging out one on one more than a couple of times. You weren’t exactly sure if he thought of you the same considering outside of your few close friends, he had lots of other connections and you completely lacked in that department.
i dont even think that you care like i do
Still, a true naive romantic at heart, you fell for him years ago and despite your knowledge that it can’t be more than a fleeting crush at most, you still felt the want to stay close to him even now.
When you first moved here and met with your dorm roommate, a small chirpy girl named Brit, she was kind and friendly and invited you out to a ‘start of the year’ party with a big warm smile.
“Y/N?” A voice coming from behind you caused you to freeze slightly at the recognition, never being able to miss his smooth low timber, before taking a deep breath and putting on a casual face as you turned around.
“Oh my god, Jake hi.” You were relieved that your voice came out surprised and natural, adorning an affectionate smile and resisting the urge to tug down your dress.
The dress in which his eyes were scaling down, an eyebrow cocked and then lowered when he met your gaze again and realized you were watching him check you out.
You were making your own quick assessments, his newly bleached hair looked darker than it did on his social medias, coasting closer to an ash honey color. You subconsciously raised a hand and pulled your hair in front of your shoulder.
“Why didn’t I know you went here?” He was taking a step closer to you and pulling you into a swift side hug, not moving away even after you both pulled apart. He was leaning against the wall and titling over you.
For a moment you almost frowned, almost told him that you had mentioned it a few times on both socials and in the slowly disappearing group chat of your high school friend group. Then you quickly remembered tonight was the first step in your attempt to stop being embarrassing.
So instead you slowly raised your shoulders in a relaxed shrug, turning so your back was against the wall he was leaning on and you weren’t facing him anymore. A smirk appeared on his face and for a moment you thought he might be seeing right through your act.
“Well, hit me up sometime then.” When he spoke this time it was a low murmur, leaning down to whisper it against your ear. You were positive he saw the shiver wrack through you and judging by the way he laughed and pushed off the wall, heading back into the crowd, you were right.
i should stop, heaven knows ive tried
You grabbed the couch pillow from beside you and pressed it tightly over your face, screaming into it and flailing your feet against the cushions. Their lack of foam and spring caused a low dull of pain to form in your legs but you ignored it.
You didn’t ever take Jake up on his offer, deciding that part of your new persona was definitely not going to include pining over boys who never looked your way. That didn’t mean you were giving up on your feelings, you just planned to have him come to you.
That lasted a total of five weeks and four glasses of wine before you were tipsy and sending him a message on Instagram that included four emojis and way too many exclamation points, inviting him to the party your roommate was throwing.
Said party was happening tomorrow and you felt weak and sweaty at both the thought of him not showing up and how awkward it would be if he did. A large part of you wanted to unsend the message but you imagined him seeing the notification that you did so and then questioning what you had said would be far worse than him seeing your invite and ignoring it.
“Girl is it that serious?” The sound of your roommates voice caused you to toss the pillow across the room and turn to see her judging face.
“Why did you let me do that.” You groaned out the words and turned on your side to face the couch. You felt the cushion dip as she sat next to where your head laid and let out a small sigh.
“What’s the worse that’ll happen?” Her voice was soft and you once again silently thanked the universe for giving you the nicest girl in the city as a roommate. “You said you’d been into him since like middle school.”
You didn’t say anything for a while and the guilt seeped in when you heard another small sigh fall from her lips.
“It’ll be fun regardless if he shows up, I promise.”
——
You were absolutely not having fun. It was almost impossible to considering you had spent the whole night anxiously keeping an eye out for Jake incase he decided to show up and ruin your life.
Giving up on trying to hold conversations, you started to swiftly make your way to the kitchen with the plan to duck behind the counters and wait for the night to end so you could crawl back onto your couch, which was currently housing multiple make out sessions, and resume last nights position.
“Are you avoiding me?” You had just turned the corner into the off limits room when you smacked into a strong frame, his voice immediately following and alerting you of who it was.
You backed away quickly and looked up at Jake, eyes trailing down to his black button up before stopping at his belt and looking to your right awkwardly. He let out a small chuckle and leaned forward to tap a finger against your head softly.
“Did you hear me?” He teased and you came to the realization that he was a lot different than he was back in your hometown, and unlike you, his cool show of confidence was genuine.
one day i will stop falling in love with you
You felt like a total idiot as you brought your attention back to him, looking up through your eyelashes to hold his gaze and you suddenly realized that you liked this newer cockier version of him too.
Being so used to his younger personality, his loud attention stealing laugh and big boxy smiles, you were hoping that the sight of his low lazy smirks would unnerve you. You wished his lack of usual dog like goofiness and awkward clumsy movements would wake you up out of your years of pining.
Yet watching him casually leaned against your wall and taking a slow sip from his cup, keeping eye contact with you over the brim, you considered the fact you might be more into him than you’d realized.
“I’m not avoiding you.” You finally replied, furrowing your eyebrows and crossing your arms in an attempt to show annoyance at the (totally true) accusation.
“I think you might be.” He let out a low hum, clearly enjoying teasing you and you felt your face flush when he leaned closer, similar to the way he peered over you the last time you’d seen him. “You know what else I think?”
You forced yourself to hold eye contact with him despite the close proximity and you raised an eyebrow in question. You felt the ghost of his breath on your face and you wondered what you would look like if somebody were to walk in right now.
“I think you look pretty.” He finished off his thought and you felt like your stomach flip upside down, your breath stuttering as you faltered backwards a few steps. Your felt the wall of the doors archway hit your shoulder blades and stopped.
Jake followed your movements, taking a few steps so he was just as close to you as he was previously.
Despite your obvious reaction to his effect on you, you still tried to show some dignity here before it was totally clear to him what a loser you were. You sucked in a deep breath and crossed your arms infront of you so he couldn’t come any closer.
“Who says I care what you think?” He smiled widened at your annoyed tone, clearly catching on to the fact that you were playing hard to get. His eyes dropped down to your chest where your arms were crossed and then back to your face.
You tried to control your breathing as you felt his hand smooth it’s way up your tensed arm, stopping at your face as he held your chin between his thumb and pointer finger. You watched him through your eyelashes as he titled your head up slightly and you, for a second, thought he let out a pleased scoff at the way you let him adjust you without complaint.
He was leaning in to talk again and you briefly noted that it wasn’t nearly loud enough for how close he was getting to your face, your eyes were darting around his features nervously as you waited for him to speak.
“Y/N.” The tension popped like it’d been stabbed with a knife, or rather by a poorly timed interruption by the name of Lee Heeseung. Jake didn’t back away from you, although his hand caressed your cheek before falling back towards your side, even when the other boys eyes widened at the sight of you pinned against the wall.
It didn’t surprise you when he leaned over your frame and gave Heeseung a handshake in greeting, considering he knew everybody, but what did slightly shock you was the annoyance on his face. Despite greeting his friend warmly, he didn’t seem at all happy to be interrupted.
His eyebrows were tensely pulled to the center of his forehead and he glanced at you with anger, eyes softening again when they met yours.
You, on the other hand, were extremely grateful for the excuse to get out of this room that was suffocating you with tension and confusion. You titled your head in Heeseung’s direction to ask why he had come to find you in the first place.
“Brit’s throwing up.” He winced as he said your roommates name, glancing back behind him towards the direction of the party. “Like kinda everywhere… I figured you’d want all of us out of here.”
You sighed softly and ignored the way Jake lowly groaned and took a few steps away from you, seemingly understanding the situation was too important for you to ignore. You offered him an apologetic smile and avoided his gaze.
“I’ll see you around?”
——
some day, someone will like me like i like you
It had taken just short of two hours to clear the apartment, and then almost double that to clean up the absolute destruction that was left behind by random classmates and passerbyers. Not to mention the almost extreme amount of vomit your roommate had managed to spew in multiple corners.
“I just want to be dead.” Said roommate was currently stealing your favorite position of sulking in misery on your couch. “And why does our couch fucking suck this bad.”
You let out a small laugh and she groaned at the noise, putting her hands over her eyes and mumbling about how embarrassing it must’ve been.
“I’m so sorry you had to clean it all by yourself.” She was mumbling and you smiled in her direction, doubtful she was looking at you or even able to see that far in her current state.
“I wasn’t by myself don’t worry.” She perked up at this, sitting up on the couch with another groan but looking far more alert. You shook your head and sighed out an explanation. “Heeseung stayed back to help. I felt bad that he did so I offered to get him coffee today”
“Oh my god.” She chirped loudly and threw her hands up in the air, hangover momentarily forgotten. You let her show a theatric amount of excitement, knowing she was desperate for you to have any sort of social life outside of stalking Jake on Instagram. “You have a date!”
“I absolutely do not have a date.” You shook your head again and left the kitchen, sitting cross legged next to her on the couch and looking at her intensely. “I’m serious Brit this isn’t a date, so don’t tell people I have a date.”
She pouted at you, and then even deeper when you rolled your eyes at her attempt to woo you with her cuteness.
“But it’s a big deal if it’s a date.” She tried to reason with you. “Besides even if it’s not a date maybe hearing you went on one will wake Jake up to the fact he’s missing out on all of this.”
You ignored the way she gestured down your body and seductively wiggled her eyebrows, remembering that you had forgotten to mention your intense stare down with Jake from last night. You decided it was best to not mention it so she wouldn’t feel guilty for getting sick even more than she already did.
Her idea of making Jake jealous was completely baseless and had no chance of working but for some reason you recalled the anger on his face when Heeseung interrupted you and your stomach turned with anticipation.
“Okay but you can only tell one person.”
——
until then, ill drink my coffee and eat my pie
It had been an hour and a half of sitting at the designated meeting spot Heeseung had texted you earlier that morning, and you were still alone minus the three empty coffee cups surrounding you.
You were trying to feign casualness so the waitress couldn’t tell you had been stood up on your date that wasn’t a date and that you were failing to prove that you weren’t a total loser still.
The chime of the door didn’t register to you, at this point you had stopped expecting him to show up and you were fully prepared to hide your face in class for the rest of your life and ban all contact with Lee Heeseung. Not even the sound of the seat next to you being pulled out caught your attention, only sinking lower in your stool at the bar.
A few moments of silence passed and you were just about to turn your head to the side, curious why the person sitting so close to you hadn’t made any move to order or seemingly breathe when they cleared their throat.
You hoped the way your eyes widened, mouth parting slightly in surprise, weren’t the reason for the proud smile on Jake’s face as he shifted in his seat next to you.
“Oh my god, what the fuck are you doing here?” You groaned and attempted to shrink in on yourself. Not only were you humiliated from being stood up, but now the last person you’d want to see you like this was here and smiling over at you.
“Here to save you from loneliness.” He was still smiling brightly, pointing at your emptied cup in a signal to the waitress for a refill. For a moment he resembled the younger Jake you were familiar with and your frown worsened. “Being ditched sucks.”
“How do you even know about that.” You grumbled, energy lost from the day. You gave a nod in thanks to the server who was filling up the mug you clutched tightly.
“Brit.” He shrugged and you groaned again at the realization your roommate had infact told more than one person about your meetup. “But you’re here alone so I pieced it together.”
pretend that we are more than friends
“Not technically alone I guess.” You reasoned and he smiled again as you spoke, seemingly happy that you were teasing back. You glanced at the waitress who was back behind the counter and she smiled when she met your gaze. Your face flushed, she must’ve figured your date had finally shown up.
“Well I don’t know about you but I feel like there’s better things we can do than sit in this coffee shop for another few hours.” He was standing from his stool as he spoke like he was positive you’d follow him and you hated that he was right.
——
“Do you even know where we are going?” You were looking out the window and watching hills fly by in a blur, eyebrows furrowed even though Jake couldn’t see you.
He chuckled softly and you turned your body a few degrees to glance at him as he drove, one hand on the steering wheel and the other shoved out the open window. His hair was going in different directions because the force of the wind and you noted his dark roots growing in.
You were curious if he planned to keep bleaching it or if he’d let it go dark again. If you were closer, more friends than whatever it was you were, you’d tell him you like it best black.
It was easier to picture the version of him you knew like that, you were so used to seeing his dark locks sleeping at random desk during free hours or rushing through the hallways so he wasn’t late for lunch. This new look and personality felt so unfamiliar.
“Just because I’m not telling you, doesn’t mean I don’t know.” He responded, sparing you a quick glance and raising an eyebrow when he caught you staring lost in thought. “Besides we are almost there, have some patience maybe.”
You slumped back in your seat, staring out the window again as you spotted a parking lot coming up in the distance. Your lips naturally formed a pout as you squinted and tried to make out where you were.
Jake pulled into the parking lot, gravel crunching under his tires as he pulled his hand back into the car and parked outside the lines. Only a few other cars were in this lot and you quickly realized where he had taken you.
“The beach?” It was starting to chill out now, the time of year where you much preferred sweaters and movie nights over days outside. You glanced over at him for confirmation and studied his expression.
For just a moment he looked nervous and slightly fearful, like he thought you wouldn’t be pleased or maybe you’d ask to just go home instead. Then it was replaced with a half smile and a shrug as he opened his door and hopped out of the car.
You took a few seconds to process his change of expression. You didn’t take this new Jake as somebody who cared what random girls they barely knew thought, maybe you were reading too far into a blank expression.
Before you could consider it further your door was thrown opened and you turned to see Jake waiting outside of it, holding it open for you and fully smiling now.
After a few minutes of silently walking down the sandy trail you couldn’t stand the silence. “How’d you find this place anyways?”
“You know Sunghoon?” You hummed softly in confirmation to his question. “He showed it to me when I first moved here. I guess I was complaining too much about missing home… missing…”
His sentence slowed to a stop and you glanced over at him, waiting for him to finish whatever thought he was having. He was already looking at you and he looked slightly pained before looking away and gesturing in front of you.
You turned your gaze away from him reluctantly and your features softened in awe at the view in front of you. Two sand hills were parted to reveal the result of your hike, a hidden beach with a light pink sunset off in the distance.
“It’s not as good as the ones back home but.” He didn’t finish his sentence again and this time you didn’t expect him to. Without thinking your hand was reaching down to tug on his sleeve, pulling him forwards and continuing your walk to the beach.
You let him go once the water was close enough that you could hear the waves, nearly drowning out your excited voice as the cold water splashed up and wrapped around your ankles. You heard Jake groan behind you and turned with a smile to see his jeans darkening with wetness.
The two of you played in the shallow water for a while, throwing splashes at each other and squealing everytime the bitter water touched your sun warmed skin.
Eventually the childish play tired you out and you were sat against a log a bit aways from the water, watching the sun set behind the ocean and covering your feet with the chilled sand.
A noise behind you caused you to turn your head, frowning deeply when you saw Jake kneeled in the sand with a camera in front of his face. The same noise went off again and you threw sand in his direction.
“Stop that.” You groaned and he laughed, dodging the attack and falling back onto his butt next to you by the log.
“Sorry sorry. I’ve just never seen you like this before.”
im just trying to understand what i am to you
“What do you mean?” You squinted your eyes in his direction but he wasn’t looking at you, keeping his gaze on the setting sun or down at his fingers that were pushing through the sand.
“You were always too cool to hang out with us at places like this.” He laughed softly but you felt a strange tension settled in his words like he was thinking of something specific.
Your stomach turned in confusion at what he was saying and you felt the need to question him, swallowing it when he made eye contact with you again and smiled softly. It didn’t meet his eyes and you titled your head slightly.
“I’d say it was the other way around.” You managed to say, trying to keep your tone light despite the meaning behind your words. In your version of events it was definitely Jake who had never been around in high school, always off with cooler older kids.
He’d always been more liked than the rest of your friend group but it escalated after his final prom when his presence pretty much became nonexistent up until he moved for college.
He was watching you and not saying anything and you were starting to curl in on yourself a bit self consciously. You reached up your arm to tug on your shirt sleeve and his eyes followed the movement.
“You’re cold?” He was asking but before he even finished the sentence he was sitting up off the log and pulling his sweater over his head, handing it in your direction as he fell back against the log. You stared at it as it dangled in his grip and he shook it a few times to get your attention.
You took it from him hesitantly, fingers brushing against his and he watched closely as you pulled it over your eyes and tugged your hair from the collar.
His eyes were seemingly tracing shapes on your frame as he looked at you, a strange expression on his face at the sight of you in his clothing.
“Why are you always staring like that?” You mumbled under your breath, shifting uncomfortably and he shrugged.
“You’re pretty.” He answered simply like it was the most obvious answer in the history of the world and your mouth parted in surprise. He’d said it before, but it sounded different when it wasn’t being whispered in a damp crowded room.
You felt your cheeks flush again but this time you didn’t attempt to hide your reaction. Despite the major differences, you needed to remind yourself that this was Jake, a boy you knew and cared about before you ever had this crush on him.
more than songs, we’ve exchanged. midnight calls, sunset views
He was still watching you, you could see him from the corner of your eye and you were half tempted to turn and meet his gaze. A few beats of silence, accompanied by the sound of the waves, and you succumbed to that temptation.
He didn’t falter when you looked over, only cocking his head slightly like he was expecting you to say something. However you didn’t and you just looked at him the way he was looking at you, in a heavy tensioned silence that made your stomach turn in dizzying circles.
Jake was always handsome, even before he had gotten older and his features were still soft and not yet matured, but he was particularly remarkable right now in the soft blue lighting of the nearly set sun.
“You should let your hair grow out.”
——
The days were passing by quickly now and fall break was swiftly approaching. You had no plans to go back home to your small town and neither did Brit. Currently she was packing hastily, not sparing you a glance as you laid on her bed and watched her fast pace.
“We leave in only two hours you know.” She was remarking and you shrugged softly, hiding a smile at her impatience. “I’m happy you’ve even agreed to this so I’m not going to nag you anymore than I need to but we are really short on time.”
She was referring to the fact she had somehow managed to convince you that going along to one final friend camping trip was what you should do with your break. Not only was it colder than you’d prefer, especially the night time, but others were also going and you weren’t big on social interaction.
Still you had agreed, and if part of the reason had been because Jake posted he was also going on his story than she didn’t need to know that.
After she had forced you to pack, and then ushered you out of the apartment with a swift shove and irritated eyebrows, you were eventually stuffed in the back seat of Sunghoon’s rented van. It was bigger than an average car but the more stops you arrived to the more you dreaded the drive.
As if things couldn’t get more stressful, right when you had thought you’d gotten away with an empty seat next to you he was pulling up to the final house. You watched as Jake closed his door behind him with an excited grin and waved at Sunghoon who was leaning out his open window.
You still didn’t stop staring even after he shoved his suitcase into the trunk and circled around the van, pulling open the slider door and scanning the vehicle for a spot to sit. His gaze first fell on the seat next to you and then scanned up to your face.
His smile faltered for just a second before it was replaced with another one, this one somehow both more genuine and two times as tense.
You hadn’t talked much since the other day at the beach due to the fact he hadn’t bothered texting you. You weren’t too caught up with the fact knowing you’d see eachother soon anyways but you were feeling a bit confused on the meaning of the hangout.
Your headphones stayed in as he walked with a ducked head to the back of the van, ignoring the glare Yang Jungwon was sending him when he accidentally stepped on his foot. You paused your music as he sat next to you but you didn’t take them off your head.
After he was seated, the van was officially full. Sunghoon and Brit were taking the roles of driver and passenger with Jungwon, Park Jay and a boy you hadn’t met before named Riki directly behind them. That left you and Jake in the back sat next to some of the bags that hadn’t fit in the trunk.
Another car was coming later in the day with some more friends of Brit and Sunghoon, the more social of the group.
Your phone vibrating in your grip stopped you in your mental roll call and you furrowed your brows down at it, ignoring the buzz. That plan didn’t last long considering it buzzed two more times immediately after.
jake : hi
jake : you have a habit of ignoring me i think
jake : !!!
You let out a small laugh and your eyes shot to the side, expecting to see him already looking at you and preparing to speak. Instead he was leaning away and keeping his gaze firmly out the window, a tight grip on his phone.
you : are we playing the silent game?
jake : yes
jake : i didn’t take you for the camping type… did anything inspire you to come along?
You looked at him again and this time he was looking at you too, an eyebrow raising slightly in question as he glanced down at your phone screen. You thought for a second before responding.
you : i could ask you the same thing
you : if my memories correct i distinctively remember you whining the whole entire week during that field trip sophomore year
jake : i don’t whine
You snorted a laugh and you felt Jake’s elbow poke your side in annoyance. You nudged him back and he pretended to be wounded, leaning against you so your shoulders were pressed tightly together. Brit’s eyes met yours in the mirror for just a split second before looking away.
jake : maybe i had my reasons
Then his hand was falling forward onto your knee and you stiffened up at the sudden contact. Your reaction caused him to freeze too and he started to quickly retract his hand, stopping when you placed yours on top of his and kept it where it was.
You were suddenly hyper aware of how close the two of you were and also the fact you had chosen to wear the most hideous pajamas pants you owned. Jake didn’t seem to mind, his thumb caressing the soft fabric without realizing he was making your head spin.
You squeezed your hand that was on top of his and he leaned forward to look at you, head resting against the seat infront of him as he turned his body slightly to face you. His hand was shifting up your leg slightly and you held his gaze, an eyebrow raising in permission.
Without hesitation, you gave it to him, nodding and loosening your grip on his hand. Your hand slid to his wrist instead, not wanting to remove it from his warm skin and you felt his arm muscles tensing like he was applying effort to resist moving his hand more.
Your knee was swinging towards his instinctively and his eyes shot down to the way this caused your legs to part more.
Then his stare was back on yours, eyes heavier as he watched you. For a second you thought he seemed nervous, gaze fidgeting against yours.
Your phone buzzed again and you glanced at his free hand in confusion, eyebrows furrowing when you realized his phone was shut off and laying forgotten in his lap so it couldn’t have been him that messaged you.
brit : what are you doing back there
You met her gaze in the mirror expecting to see a teasing smirk or maybe proud eyes at the fact you weren’t losing your cool due to Jake flirting with you. Instead her eyes were dark and squinted in warning. She picked her phone back up off her lap.
brit : jake invited a girl this weekend
brit : sunghoon told me im rlly sorry yn i was going to mention it when we got there
Your entire body locked up and Jake’s thumb stopped caressing your thigh in worry, leaning back against his seat to try to look at your phone screen to see the cause of your sudden tension. You quickly shut it off and shifted in your seat, swinging your knee so his hand fell limp against the seat. You leaned against your side of the seat, frowning and looking out the window.
You stayed like that for the rest of the ride, ignoring your phone buzzing in your hand and a few attempts to get your attention from the boy next to you.
Once you’d finally arrived at the campsite you were the first one to leave the van, nearly tripping on Jay in your haste to be out of the suffocating situation.
Hands on your lower back were suddenly leading you away and towards the empty site kicking your feet out of their frozen state, you glanced at Brit as she ushered you away from the boys, telling them briefly you were going to set up your tent in the distance.
You were thankful for her quick lie and the comforting arm she was wrapping around your side as you walked away from them, ignoring their confused murmurs.
“Are you going to cry.” She whispered once you were a good distance out of ear shot, you met her eyes and she winced. “Or maybe throw up? I can’t tell…”
You shook your head and glanced behind you. Jake was frozen as he watched the two of you with a worried frown, only looking away when Jungwon abruptly handed him a few bags to unpack.
“Neither.” You forced out and she looked relieved but like she didn’t even slightly believe you. “I don’t care who he brings.” You shrugged and nodded to try to convince yourself.
She watched you in silence, leaning back slightly like you were a live wire as she waited for you to snap.
“But tell me who he is bringing.” You gripped her hand tightly and she groaned in relief at your more expected reaction, squeezing your hand in hers and taking a step closer.
“I don’t even know just some girl from one of his lectures I guess.” She was whispering close to your face and your heart sank. “Sunghoon said she practically forced him to say she could come but you know he has a reputation.”
And she was right, you did know that this new version of Jake had quite a few whispers about him and how frequently he’d leave parties with girls he’d never be seen with again. You felt foolish for letting yourself separate this side of him with the boy from the beach.
Maybe the boy from a few years ago was worse with girls, cared about them more and awkwardly stumbled through flirty conversations or teasing comments but it seemed like this new Jake was the type to not think too deeply about feeling up an old friend in a packed car.
One half of you wanted to not care, happy he had paid you any attention at all even if it wasn’t ideal but the more realistic half knew you could never be casual with Jake without breaking your own heart.
“I’ll be fine don’t worry.”
——
You were absolutely positively NOT fine.
After setting up quickly before the sun set, the second car had arrived with the rest of the people you’d be camping alongside of and you were quickly regretting your last minute acceptance to come along.
A few slightly familiar faces had stumbled out of the car, like Sunoo from your history class who had waved with a yawn followed by a bright smile. He was immediately replaced in your line of sight by none other than Lee Heeseung, who froze at the sight of you and then practically scampered away.
And finally a girl you hadn’t seen before, and who hadn’t bothered to introduce herself. The girl was currently on the receiving end of your glare, across from you at the fire as she leaned over and whispered something lowly to Jake in the chair next to her.
You hoped the flames were blocking the obvious annoyance on your face, her high pitched squeals and refusal to do any of the work setting up required was slowly eating away at you. It had absolutely nothing to do with the fact she spent most the day draped over the boy you’d been infatuated with since before puberty.
Only adding to your growing frustration was the tense awkward boy beside you. Heeseung was practically curled into a ball in his camping chair, avoiding eye contact with your side of the earth and not speaking the entire fire. You were sick of it at this point and the combined anger at both situations got the better of you.
“Can we talk?” You were leaning over towards him to ask and your tone was heavy. He reluctantly looked at you and his eyes softened with guilt before he nodded.
Standing from your chair and wrapping your coat tighter around you, your gaze instinctively went to Jake. He was already watching you, eyebrows furrowing as he saw Heeseung stand and wait for you to leave so he could follow. You looked away from him in anger and started off towards the trees.
“Are you going to kill me be honest.” Heeseung eventually was groaning behind you as you walked in silence, cutting through the trail as you ended up near the dock.
“Why would I kill you?” You sighed and sat on the creaking wood, feet dangling and skimming the water of the green lake. He followed suit and sat a few inches away from you.
“For being a dick.” He shrugged and you laughed, kissing your teeth and nodding. “I’m sorry… I shouldn’t have not showed up without a text like that, regardless what Jake said.”
His words caused you to freeze in confusion and he seemed to notice your reaction, mouth parting in realization.
“You didn’t know…” He sounded both confused and like he had finally made sense of things in his mind. “Now I get why Brit keeps glaring at me in the hall.”
“What are you talking about Lee Heeseung?” You turned more towards him with sharp eyes and he shrunk in on himself slightly.
“I told Jake about our date and he told me I shouldn’t go because you had a boyfriend back home.” He was speaking fast and his eyes softened again at the hurt and confusion crossing your face. “I’m figuring now that probably isn’t true.”
You didn’t give him a response, staring down at his lap as you zoned out and tried to understand what he was telling you. Jake had not only sabotaged your date not date that apparently was a date but in doing so he made you seem like some awful cheater.
“Are you okay?” Heeseung was speaking again when you didn’t respond, leaning closer slightly and talking in a whisper like he was scared to break you from your trance. You looked at him hesitantly and his features softened at your teary expression. “I can go get Brit?”
You nodded in confirmation and offered him a small sad smile, hoping he got the memo that it wasn’t him you were upset with and you understood he had been caught in the miscommunication. He was patting your back softly before standing and jogging back towards the camp.
promise i don’t mean to cry but i get overwhelmed and confused
Sitting alone on the dock you allowed yourself to cry for just a few moments, you felt completely lost and confused. That mixed with the anger and jealously you’d felt all day and you were simply a mess of overstimulated emotions.
You didn’t understand why Jake would do that, what motive he would have. Maybe revenge for Heeseung interrupting his chance of a quick fuck the night before but you liked to believe that even if he changed, he still respected you enough to not spread rumors.
After ten minutes had passed your tears had slowed do a few sniffles and puffy eyes, using your thin sweater sleeves to wipe your face in preparation for your roommates arrival. You didn’t want to ruin the weekend by being overtly upset.
“Y/N?” The sound of the familiar voice caused you to freeze like it always did. Your shoulders tensed and you felt your fingers flex against the moist wood of the dock. The footsteps stepping onto the dock gave you a sick feeling.
“What do you want Sim?” You spit the words without turning to look at him and you shut your eyes tight when his hasty steps slowed with hesitation.
“I came to check on you… Heeseung went to get Brit but she wasn’t feeling well and went to sleep.” He was speaking slowly, getting closer but stopping a bit behind you like he wasn’t sure he was allowed to come closer. “Did he say something to you? What did he do?”
Now you were turning to glare at him, only briefly scanning his figure to see him wringing his hands together in anxiousness. “What did he do? What do you mean what did he do…what did you do?”
He didn’t even have the nerve to pretend to look confused, only being taken back for a second at your tone before a guilty dark look took over his expression.
“Okay listen, I had a reason.” He was holding his hands out in front of him in defense, eyebrows downturned. For just a second you felt bad at the way he frowned and then you remembered your anger.
You stood from the dock, turning your back on the water to face him. He seemed more taken back by this, your stance rigid and expecting. You raised an eyebrow at him and waved a hand to signal for him to continue.
His gaze dropped to his feet and then back up towards you, avoiding meeting your eyes and nervously wringing his hands together. “Okay maybe I don’t have a reason.”
Your shoulders deflated and you groaned.
“So you just made me look like an idiot for no reason.” You spat at him and he shook his head as you kept talking. “Not only an idiot but like some sketchy cheater.”
“I didn’t mean for it to be like that I just panicked.” He was rushing in his words and you were growing more confused with everything he said. Why did the idea of Heeseung taking you on a date make him panic?
“I deserve a better explanation than that Jake.” You were shaking your head now and he sighed. “I thought we were starting to be… I don’t know, friends.”
“Oh really?” He was sneering now and you faltered slightly, taken back by his sudden show of anger. “So now I’m cool enough to be friends with?”
“What the hell are you talking about?” You took a step towards him, your voice desperate in confusion.
“No don’t worry I get. Years of acting like I didn’t exist but now that I’m not a loser anymore I’m worthy of your time.” His voice was venomous and your head was swimming with confusion.
The incredulous look on your face only seemed to anger him further, neck vein protruding as he glared at you. He was holding your stare and softened just for a second at the genuine lack of understanding on your face.
“Are you talking about highschool?” You tried to keep your voice steady, wanting to understand what he was referring to without angering him. He gave you a look like it was obvious and you shook your head. “That’s not what happened at all, if anything it was the opposite.”
At this, he let out a loud scoff and took a step backwards in bewilderment. You watched him wrestle with this information, at the same time you were wracking through your memories with Jake to try and find what point in time he was referring back to.
You’d never thought of Jake as a loser, sure a little clumsy and awkward but that was the first thing you had liked about him. It wasn’t easy for you to spend time with him alone because you’d always end up embarrassing yourself, your crush on him bringing out the worst in you, but you definitely still hung out from time to time.
“You totally rejected me.” He was speaking again, his voice weaker this time as the embarrassment replaced his anger. “You not even remembering the worst day of my highschool life makes it ten times more awful.”
“Rejected you when?” Your head was starting to hurt from the crying and pure confusion. As awkward as you were around him, you know even highschool you would never have rejected Jake Sim.
“Prom.” He spat the word like it was obvious, like he was expecting you to suddenly remember your supposed rejection and make sense of this conversation but if anything it was only confusing you further. “You really just don’t remember?”
“There’s nothing to remember.” You spat out, angry at his persistent accusations. “I didn’t go to prom either year, you went with Lily and I stayed at home.”
Your stomach was turning with bitterness at the memory, this fact followed by his sudden avoidance after prom still hurt as it lingered in your mind.
“You think I wanted to go with Lily?” His laugh was humorless and cold. “Everybody knew I wanted to go with you only, I couldn’t not go just because you said no, I’d look like a total idiot.”
“Then why wouldn’t you just ask me?” Your voice was hoarse and angry but your stomach was turning at the thought of Jake wanting to go to prom with you.
You remember that year clearly, it was Jake’s final school dance and your friends had jokingly teased the possibility of him asking you. Of course at the time it seemed baseless to you, you were just friends since you’d never had the courage to put your feelings to action.
Like you had anticipated, a girl from your grade named Lily was posting the next week that she had been asked by Jake and they were going together. Even though you’d accepted long ago he’d never notice you in that way, you were still devastated and decided to spend this year at home alone.
“I did ask you.” He was stressing the words, hands thrown out in desperation for you to understand. You tensed up as you looked at him.
You started to slowly shake your head in denial and his shoulders lowered, coming to a realization.
“You never got the letter.” It wasn’t a question but a statement and the look on your face further proved it to be true. “I… I put it in your locker I don’t understand.”
“My locker?” Your voice was soft with exhaustion and a guilty look crossed his face.
“Two weeks before the dance.” He explained and he was taking a step towards you. He looked slightly relieved when you didn’t back away from him or raise your hands in rejection.
You scrunched your nose and tried to remember such a specific time in your life, only remembering one major detail that caused your face to light up in realization.
“Jake.” You groaned and he raised an eyebrow and nodded in anticipation. “Jake I had that nasty stomach flu everybody was getting. I was absent until after winter break.”
He didn’t say anything for a long time and you watched him go through different stages of remembrance, the noise of the woods and lake fading back in now that your shouts had died down.
“You never got it?” His voice was barely a whisper, almost like it wasn’t even meant for you to hear. It was a personal realization of his mistake and you reached a hand up to tug on his sleeve. His eyes shot down to your hand and then your face, eyes heavy and guilty.
if only you knew what i felt like
“Why on earth would I reject you.” You tried to keep your voice soft but it was shaking slightly with nerves as you finally voiced your longest kept secret. “Everybody knew how obsessed with you I was.”
“But I was a total idiot.” He shook his head and you took a step closer to him. “I spent so long trying to become cooler and you’re telling me it was pointless?”
He was looking down at you, in a similar stance to the multiple times you held long tensioned stares at parties and you were understanding now that similar to your casual careless persona you’d been attempting to show him, he was wearing a mask of his own.
“I liked that idiot way before I liked you, playboy.” He smiled at your light tone, arm sliding up your arm to hold your elbow and keep you standing close to him.
“Maybe I stretched the truth a tad.” His voice was low and you raised an eyebrow as you looked up at him, liking the way his bangs touched his eyebrows as he watched you.
“What about that girl you invited?” Your smile faltered slightly, remembering why you were out here on the dock in the first place. Your stomach tightened in jealously and you felt the urge to smack away his hand that was sliding to hold your lower back.
You resisted the urge, placing your hands flat on his chest and giving him the chance to explain. Miscommunication was clearly causing issues for years between the two of you.
“She practically forced her way into the van after overhearing us talk about it at a party last weekend.” He was explaining with an annoyed shake of his head and you nodded remembering Brit saying Sunghoon had a similar version of events.
“I shouldn’t have let her touch me.” He looked angry at himself and you wanted to reach up and smooth out the crease in his eyebrows. “I guess I got jealous seeing Heeseung was here. The same way I did when I ruined your date. I’m really sorry about that.”
“So instead of just asking me out yourself, you kidnapped me and took me to a beach?” You smiled softly at him and his lip quirked up slightly despite the look of guilt remaining.
“I know… I guess I’m still an idiot.” His smile fell and a pained look covered quickly his expression. “God, I made you cry.”
“Yeah you totally made me cry.” You balled your into fist against his chest and his eyes looked at the way his shirt scrunched up between your fingers. You gave him a soft smile, rocking forward and trying to ease his mind from the guilt he was feeling.
Then he was looking at you again and his tensioned eyes loosened slightly, a sudden wave of nerves washed over you at the realization of who you were currently having this conversation with.
“Did I hear you say you still liked me?” His voice was low and you felt his breath fan your face, his hand that wasn’t on your back was cupping the side of your face and making you look at him.
You were reminded of the way he held your chin at the party except this time it felt more gentle, his eyes soft and far more nervous than they had been that night.
“God, you’re an idiot.” You were shaking your head and smiling, the end of your word being cut off when he surged forward and pressed his lips hard against yours in his urgency.
Your hands on his chest started to ball up his shirt again, resisting a laugh at the force in which he kissed you, he mumbled an apology against your lips and you could feel him smiling as he cocked his head and kissed you again.
His hand had left your cheek, circling around your side to rest on your lower back with his other one as he, almost unconsciously, pulled you up and tighter against him as you rocked onto your tippy toes and back down.
Even when he pulled back to breathe, he kept you flush against him as he laid his forehead against yours and shut his eyes tight.
“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”
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mildlyromanticperv · 3 months
Text
Why would I...?
Eunha x MReader. Fluff. Fighting insecurities.
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-Babe, dinner's ready! -You called your girlfriend down to the living room after a couple of hours in the kitchen, today's Friday night and you two planned an evening together to make up for the lost time during the week, her job as professional makeup artist is a 24/7 on-call job and you come exhausted every day due to the physical demand of your construction work.
-Coming! -Her sweet voice echoes through the walls of your shared apartment just like music into your ears. Due to the the small amount of time you've been able to spend together the last couple of weeks, she comes out dressed ready for an outdoors date and her perfume... Oh my god her perfume... Such indescribable scent fires up every nerve of your nostrils filling your heart with a warm fuzzy feeling you can only describe as... Love.
-Sweetie, you didn't have to! I'm disgusting and you dressed up so adorable... -You know you're supposed to be a manly man, hairy chest and all... But being alone with your girlfriend takes out that sensitive side of yours only she can experience.
-Don't say that! I mean I certainly wasn't expecting you to be all dressed up in tuxedo or anything, but you look really handsome tonight. -She smirked at you as she took a seat at the dining table. -Plus, the mere fact that you and I can finally spend some time together makes up for anything. I've missed you so much.
At these words you expres a huge "Awwww" within your brain that you can't quite express due to your sheer focus in plating your dinner, as if you were to cook for the president itself. -I've missed you so much as well, baby, actually today I was told I might speak too much about you... Hehe.
-What do you mean!? -She answers embarassed and blushing, her voice raises due to the thought of you flaunting her among coworkers.
-Yes baby, I can't help but presume my girlfriend. -You shrugged and finally came out of the kitchen ready with the food and a couple of tall glasses, not long after you came out with a fresh bottle of white wine to go with the dinner.
-This all look so awesome! I didn't know you were such a good chef... -She says with a sultry voice flirting so blatantly the whole thing felt like two youngsters discovering their new love. -You spoil me too much, I guess tonight I'm going to have to be extra kinky...
-Eunha, behave yourself. -You say jokingly in a very poorly acted stern voice. -I'm not that kinky... -You blushed embarassed for her teasing.
During the rest of the evening you two engulfed the food with awe and excitement, since there was no words exchanged, the looks between you two flew in a mute ode of romance, teasing and... dirty talk.
After such buffet served on your dinner night the only thing left was to rest the food with a movie in your living room, between you two there was always a banter to choose this movie so both could be pleased... although deep down you always knew that she's the one to win since her puppy eyes are almost impossible to say no to.
-Baaaaaaaaabeeeeee, let's watch scary movies! Pleaseeeeee? -She attacks first with pouting.
-But sweetie, you fall asleep always in the middle of the movie, lets watch something with action... adventure, you haven't seen Lord of the Rings, have you? -You block her first punch and answer with a broad swing.
-No, that's only half-naked dudes slashing and punching, no fun... -She holds her chin thinking. -Why don't we watch a Disney movie? Perhaps Aladdin? -She ducks your punch and then respond with a well placed uppercut right on your chin.
-You know I'm a sucker for musicals... -You say to her with a suspicious voice, enjoying the blatant manipulation she just engaged in. -I still don't know... What about Godzilla? You said you wanted to watch it... -You endure that uppercut and throw an open hand punch straight to her cheekbone.
-Mmmm, maybe... But I'm not in the mood for giant monsters destroying cities, plus I don't like the CGI. -She gets ready for her final blow, she knows the power she holds over you and she doesn't hold herself back. -I wanna watch Inside Out babe. -Finally she uses her signatur pout and holds your arm, pressing herself against you and looks from below into your eyes with her stray puppy eyes.
-Fiiiiineeeee. -You answer reluctantly because you know better than upset your cute girlfriend.
As if an oracle predicted it Eunha falls asleep barely at 15 minutes of the movie, your heart flutters at the feeling of her cheek pressing against your shoulder and her steady peaceful breath.
-I love you so much. -You say to her barely above a whisper not really looking to wake her up, slowly and with stealth you turn off the TV and let her lay down on the couch, placing her head on your lap where you start caressing and combing her hair, she stirs around facing your abdomen and curling into a ball right next to you, luckily she brought a blanket for her feet so you cover her to make her comfortable.
Times such as these, so flawless, so quiet, they feel like frozen in time... Her porcelain skin shines under the faint light of the TV and her pink hair spread along your knees and your lap is the perfect combination for you to have to control your every cell not to wake her up and propose right there and then.
Her chest goes up and down slowly following the quiet sound of her breathing, after just a few minutes in which you're completely sure she's fallen completely asleep you let her head rest on a nearby cushion to go and prepare our bed for a much needed long night of sleep. You lift your girlfriend grabbing her gently by her legs and her shoulders, out of love for your girlfriend you just let her in the bed with her current outfit just taking out her shoes and socks.
Finally you start tidying up and cleaning the kitchen and the living room, you turn off all the lights and proceed to lay down on the bed, holding Eunha from behind as the big spoon.
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The very next day you wake up next to a pillow with the scent of your girlfriend, but no sight of her.
-Eunha? -You ask still in the recently awoken state and rubbing your eyes. You quiclñy grab your slippers and stand up looking for her just to find her in the kitchen with a very soothing smell of hot coffee.
-Sweetie? Did you sleep well? -She says as she sees you coming out of the room in a groggy state, her outfit changed from her white blouse and furry blazer to a pink pajama with a cotton coat for the cold, a pair of oversized pajama pants and fuzzy slippers. -I didn't want to wake you up, I know you need a good rest.
-It's fine babe... -Yawn. -Did you sleep comfortable? I didn't wanted to wake you just to change into a pajamas last night. -You chuckle remembering her peaceful expression.
-Yes sweetie, I imagined I might fall asleep so I wore comfy clothes.
-You always think of everything even when you're exhausted, that's so cool!
-It's called paying attention to the details, dum dum... -She chukles as well.
-There's only one thing I like paying attention to and she's making coffee... -You walk around the kitchen counter to hug Eunha. -Thank you babe.
-You can thank me by washing the dishes, dum dum. -She says enjoying the closeness of your embrace around her waist, she enjoys this so much she lets out a quiet hum of satisfaction when you start rubbing her arms.
-Okay mom I'll do it soon. -You roll your eyes playfully, but righ away she smacks your cheeks.
-Idiot. -She says with a big smile.
You then start to wash the dishes and notice something you have been noticing for a few days but never really payed total attention to, Eunha's dish was in the fridge with leftovers from last night, she didn't eat the whole thing.
Usually this wouldn't be weird since she stays fit for her own decision, but this time you ensured to give her a reduced portion, so... Why would she left food on the plate?
You spend the rest of your dish washing deep in that thought, not quite being able to explain yourself why that change in her eating habits.
Could it be for health issues? Nah her childhood illness is gone and she told you doctors assured there's no way she'd have it again.
Is she being bullied? Perhaps her coworkers are just jealous she's so fit, but still... She's very confident on herself, it doesn't add up.
What could it be? Is she hiding something?
Your mind runs wild with the possibilities until she gently pokes your shoulder.
-Sweetie? Is everything okay? -She rests her hand on your shoulder, clearly worried.
-Yeah baby I'm okay, I was just lost in thought, that's all. -Surely you didn't lie to her... but you didn't tell her the whole truth as well.
-Is it because of the new construction site rules?
-Sort of yeah, I have the feeling they're withholding information.
-Well babe don't you worry for now for that, it's Saturday, we have to rest.
-You're right babe. What would I do without you? -You clenched your nose playfully to ask her for a kiss.
-You'd be lost, probably even still at the grocery store not knowing what to buy for last night's dinner. -She chuckles and she tips on her toes to plant a soft kiss on your lips.
-I love you, my sweet bunny.
-I love you two, my handsome puppy.
I think perhaps I should've warned about these sweet times, for diabetic people this might not be good for you.
-What are we going to have for breakfast? -She asks once the coffee is poured and you two meet at the table to discuss your day.
-I was thinking of some grilled cheese sandwiches and smoothies.
-Oh, really? -She looks to one side thinking of it but either way accepts the offer. -Sure babe, but we don't have anything for grilled cheese.
-I know, I'm going to order takeout, I want to spend my morning cuddling with you. -You pout as she do with puppy eyes hoping she'd say yes.
-Okay okay babe... -She chuckles. -Come here. -She takes your wrist and walks to the couch where she sits in between your legs and wrapping herself around with your arms. -Babe I.. I want to ask you something, it's... kind of important.
Your heart beats rapidly, anxious and unsure on what to do, what is she wanting to speak about?
-You know you can trust me, honey, of course, talk to me. -You nuzzle your face in the crook of her neck and hold her tight.
-You... you think... -Her voice fades, speaking in such a low voice it's only a faint whisper in the air. -You think I've put on weight? I... I feel like my thighs and belly are getting bigger...
-Wait, honey, is that why you've been eating less? -You ask clearly concerned.
-I thought you wouldn't notice... -She says with a small crack on her voice.
-Babe... -You chuckle slightly obviously not trying to offend her. -I'm worried you might get sick if you don't eat well, for the rest, I don't care... -You start to caress her arms and belly trying to reassure her. -If you feel that you need to do so, I'll support you exercising or eating more veggies, but trust me. -You whisper closer to her ear with a loving voice. -You're perfect just the way you are. Bigger thighs? You know me, that's my favourite feature from you along with your smile and your aroma... Bigger belly? You're just more huggable.
Your words get to her heart, speeding it up so much she feels her own heartbeat on her ears, she goes red and flustered with your words up to the point a small tear of joy falls down her cheek.
-You... you mean it? -Her voice cracking almost going to cry.
-Babe, I really don't care, you can turn brunette instead of your pink hair, or perhaps go bobcut... Hell, you could go bald, gain weight, stop doing your makeup and I'll still love you with all my heart. -You let go of her belly and spin her around gently so she can face you, then you place your right hand on her cheek very gently, caressing slowly. -You're the love of my life, and there's absolutely nothing that could make me love you less.
She leans into your touch, feeling peaceful and reassured with your words, but the faint thought of her insecurities still linger in her brain.
-But... wouldn't you like me to be thinner? -She pouts avoiding your gaze.
-Why would I? Would you stop being Jung Eunbi if you changed or if you gained a pound or two?
-Well... no, but... -You gently lift up her chin to make her meet your eyes.
-No, right? I fell in love with Jung Eunbi, not the body of Jung Eunbi, as long as my baby is still there, I really don't care how you look. -Right after this you clean up the tear that threatens to fall down her cheek.
-You're just too kind to me, you're just saying those words... -She pouts.
Unable to think of anything else to say than the truth that reigns in your heart you just do the first thing that comes to your mind.
You quickly lean forward and press your lips softly against hers, you close your eyes and hum in content, your left hand wanders to her waist and presses her lower back, pushing her body against yours.
-Would you stop loving me if tomorrow I go bald? -You ask after separating your lips from hers.
Her cheeks are blushing wildly and she looks for her breath softly. -No... I wouldn't, but please don't do it, I love your curly hair. -She chuckles feeling reassured by your words and your actions.
-I won't babe, but you get my point, right?
-I... I do, thank you so much sweetie, I love you so much. -She hugs you and nuzzles against your chest, crying slightly out of pure joy and thankfulness by the thought of you loving her that much.
-I love you so much as well, my sweet Eunha.
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