#oh god the winter long is next. heaven preserve me

[terramythos]

Notes from my October Daye reread, #7 Chimes At Midnight. Or, "don't eat evil pie if you're planning to overthrow the government". Advanced spoilers, please read the books, etc. 

Reminder right off the bat that sweet fashion disaster May used to be an eldritch horror of the night???

-the month name in her case seems to be a coincidence? (But like. How could a name like May Daye be a coincidence. Come the fuck on.)

-Goblin fruit is super yikes. Super addictive drug that inevitably leads to death?

- Tybalt and Toby domestic shit hell yeah

Tybalt: arrested for being horny on main

- Toby: let's visit the Queen, who demonstrably hates me, about the goblin fruit problem. What could possibly go wrong (spoiler: a whole lot)

-"i may be a composite of multiple dead people, but I'm not stupid" May is nonbinary, pass the fucking tea

-The Gang Overthrows the Queen

Quentin is such a good kid! Fuck!

-I just... love the characters and how they've developed over the series. Quentin is great, Tybalt is great, The Luidaeg is great... October has changed into a more open and less depressed person. It's great! I mean, everything goes to shit over the next 2 books, but we've come so far!

-Quentin getting extremely upset that The High King didn't notice the Queen didn't have a legitimate claim to the throne? Haha. Haha. *takes another shot*

-Quentin: we could just like... TELL the High King that shes not a legitimate ruler. Like we literally could just call him up and say--

Toby: he would probably kill us and how would we do that anyway

Quentin: *silently screaming*

Have I mentioned I LOVE the Luidaeg? Shes such a great character.

-the implication that tybalt's archaic speech is at least partially just to fuck with Toby is so fuckign funny god they're so cute

GOD...

-Quentin not quite bowing to Arden, or at least not as formally as the others. That's foreshadowing. God damn it.

- The Undersea: is relevant

Me: wow I knew we introduced all that lore 2 books ago for a reason

- "Princesses aren't exciting. I've met Princesses." I am so glad I am not ACTUALLY drinking every time Quentin's identity is foreshadowed, because this book alone would have killed me by now.

- everything: goes to shit

Me: ah, there it is

- Toby becoming instantly addicted to goblin fruit and forgetting 2 of the most important people in her life has me at a severe oof. :(

- fucking props to seanan for making pie legitimately threatening.

- October Daye patch 7.1 notes: due to balance concerns, toby has been shifted back to more human.

Gameplay effects: hair is brown again. blood magic effects and self-healing have been reduced by 75%. Iron resistance increased 75%.

-Theres a line about how Tybalt should have known better than to believe anything could have gone right for very long and. Yikes in context. Yikes with knowing Tybalt's backstory.

- fun lore with the Luidaeg offering to turn Toby into a Selkie to save her from impending death. Being like... technically the Selkie Firstborn. And how much doing that would actually cost. It's certainly something to file away for later because I don't imagine we would introduce a concept like that and then abandon it...

-SUDDEN HEAVY SETUP FOR BOOK 8 STUFF. SUDDEN BOOK 1 BEING RELEVANT. Why did Evening, some random noble, have a fucking ancient powerful artifact just kinda... randomly in her possession? INDEED.

- toby: Why does the name Eira Rosenhwyr sound so familiar?

Mags: Oh she's a Firstborn

Toby: Right, that definitely explains it one hundred percent. Time to not think about it at all ever again.

- TOBY I'm aware you're kind of out of your mind right now but surely you can see the aesthetic similarity between EIRA ROSENHWYR and EVENING WINTERROSE. Ajdjenskkelbsbd

- I fucking googled it and Eira Rosenhwyr translates roughly to "Snow Rose Evening" lmfao

- Mags, continuing exposition: yeah she always had this Snow White thing where like she never stayed dead for long

Me, considering book 1's central conflict and how Evening was described multiple times as Snow White: 🙃

- I really appreciate the fact that whenever Walther shows up in a book he pretty much saves the day in a major way just by making like. A potion

- toby: magic is weird. Candy made from my blood that temporarily curbs the effects of addiction? Right

Walther: you're dating a cat

-I forgot we learn The Luidaeg's actual name in this one???? "Yeah I'm Antigone what up"

-OH THATS WHERE THE "ANNIE" PSEUDONYM COMES FROM. God damn it.

-God I love Danny and his godawful expletives "Oberon's scrotum". God

- I haven't mentioned it too much but there are soooooo many good tybalt and toby moments. They have such a good and loving relationship. Boy I die

-there's a bit where Toby consumes some of the Luidaeg's blood for Reasons and gets a brief Luidaeg-POV flashback.. which shows the Luidaeg protesting Amandine abusing Toby as a kid. So even though they don't really meet until book 1, it puts her first unofficial appearance in a new context. Just some all powerful ancient sea witch checkin up on her niece at Safeway, y'know

- god the first Cu Sidhe shows up in this one and he just looks like a glam rocker who's also sort of a dog. Jesus christ

- they just act like dogs too and it is so funny. Fucking zero attention span, super excited and happy at being told they did a good job.

- arden: there's no way you're amandine's kid. She would never sleep with a human. Her husband would be pissed

Toby: ??? My mom isn't married?

(Oh boy that's gonna be a fun one)

AND, AFTER SIX AND A HALF BOOKS OF SOLID FORESHADOWING:

We get the Quentin reveal. The alcohol poisoning ceases.

-There's some real good irony in like. THE Crown Prince getting apprenticed to Toby, who is a member of Faerie's biggest underclass. And they become fucking BFFs over the course of the series. That's some good shit

👌👌👌some GOOD👌 shit right there

-God just going back there are SO many hints. I noted a lot of them on this series reread but some of my favorites are the real subtle ones. Like Quentin in book 2 being inexplicably amused when Toby orders him to do something.

- Like?? She makes the kid do chores. She's almost gotten him killed like half a dozen times. That's just some... premium good shit.

Well the book sums up that revelation pretty well lmao

- Did... did Arden just imply Toby's mom caused the 1906 San Francisco earthquake...? That is certainly something I either missed or forgot. How is that like even a thing

- The night haunts are cool as shit and I'm glad they're showing up as bigger players. And now we have setup for Toby owing them a favor. Delightful.

ME SIPPING THAT LUIDAEG LORE JUICE

- October Daye patch 7.1.8 notes: oh god we fucked up we fucked up changes reverted

-Blood magic CPR? Canon. Then again I'm pretty sure Toby was established using blood magic to resurrect someone in book 2. So. Book 2 is still relevant

God I'm such a sucker for this angsty shit. And of course this would be Tybalt's solution, considering his backstory. God. Fuck

-I like how they went from enemies to like ridiculously sweet and affectionate lovers.. but it's not 100% perfect, they still have arguments and disagreements. But it all comes down to them caring about each other. That's some good shit right there

- Dianda being a huge badass and just singlehandedly taking out six guards while iron poisoned. a good development.

- new toby power of literally stealing someone's powers by drinking their blood. We're going like full vampire here huh

- and The Queen... who we establish actually traded her name away... manages to escape. Wonder when she shows up again 🤔🤔🤔

- ok god the fucking short story epilogue is SO GOOD. Luidaeg POV!!! Luidaeg lore is always good but this is one of the only parts we have seen Amandine. It reveals that The Luidaeg literally has just been October's guardian angel for years, which explains why some all powerful sea witch just stumbles into Toby's life???. Amandine is a fucking brat. It foreshadows fucking... SOMETHING with the goddamn month names. And it sets up Eira. God next book is going to be so good.

- There are interesting parallels between Toby and her mom. Amandine was trying to turn Toby into a human for fucking years?? As some kind of shitty experiment? Almost succeeded until The Luidaeg intervened. There's all these lines about how Amandine had stolen centuries of Toby's life, how Toby would be defenseless and Faerie would still know who she was even if Amandine succeeded. What does this say about Gillian? Toby turned her completely human in book 4 to save her life. There's no way that's not going to come back in a big way.

-What. Is with. The month names. Seriously we have not had any new ones since 3 but that's still like 5 characters. I know there are several more coming in the next few books and I still don't know why the fuck lol

-This book was mostly the final setup for next book, which is an absolute fucking bombshell. Probably the best book in the series and that is saying something. I'm excited to reread it. But on it's own this one is a good read too... love that we finally got the Quentin reveal!! The horrific Queen is gone for now! Stuff!

[giveemhales]

Moodboards for Sterek AUs: 20/?

For @averysterekwinter day 3 (Theme: snow/ice)

Snow Day

(Plus here’s a fluffy ficlet, the rest under the cut because it got a bit long)

The first thing Stiles noticed when he woke up was that outside was white.

It was snowing, and not the drizzle of snowflakes that would melt upon hitting ground that was more usual for the area. No, there was a thick layer of white over everything in sight.

The second thing he noticed was the thing that woke him up: a text on his phone. He didn’t want to call it hypervigilance, because that implied a whole host of other issues he didn’t want to address, but even just the vibration of his phone from a single text was enough to rouse him.

It was an inconvenient habit (it was winter break and he wanted to sleep in, dammit), but he was grateful he had been roused when he read the text.

The text was from Derek and simply said Come to pack house ASAP.

Rest of fic under the cut!

He considered calling or texting to ask what was wrong, but he had gotten enough texts like that to know he wouldn’t get a response. If he wanted any answers, he would have to go to the pack house.

Stiles and Derek had been dating for around a year now, but they rarely texted. Well, Derek rarely texted. Stiles texted and Derek sometimes reluctantly replied. He wasn’t a big fan of technology. Kind of annoying considering Stiles was usually away at his campus, but Derek’s almost weekly visits more than made up for it.

So seeing this text immediately concerned Stiles. Pair that with the unusual snow, and he assumed the worst.

His mind whirred with different possibilities. Did a witch cast a spell? Was Jack Frost making a visit? Was some new dark Druid coming to fuck with nature?

He knew he was being a bit irrational, but he had learned to assume the worst when it came to Beacon Hills, and he could count on one hand the number of times he’d seen actual snow at home in his lifetime. His past experiences didn’t allow him the luxury of excitement about novelties.

Overall, the combination of the unusual weather and the text from Derek calling for an emergency meeting had Stiles on edge and falling out of his bed in his haste to head out.

He didn’t have a good snow jacket so he just put on as many layers as was comfortable and a coat. He grabbed some gloves, and mourned for his converse which would surely not do well in the snow.

Stiles rushed out to his car, noting his dad had already left for the station. He was grateful to note the roads had already been cleared, as he wasn’t sure if his jeep could handle snow and ice.

He parked when he reached the edge of the preserve. They had cleared a dirt road so that they would be able to drive to the pack house, but it wasn’t an official street so the city had no reason to clear it of snow. 

Stiles understood why it wasn’t cleared of snow, but he was still annoyed. Fortunately, the snow wasn’t slushy, so at least his feet weren’t soaked. Still, his converse and jeans did little to protect him from the cold, and he walked as quickly as he could, while also watching out for any possible ice patches. 

By the time the pack house was in sight, Stiles was shivering, and ready to yell at Derek for making him come all this way when phones were a thing. 

Derek was standing in front of the pack house, and Stiles had no qualms about yelling and walking at the same time.

“Hey, jerk, there better be a good reason you called me out here, like dead bodies good reason. I am just a human without all the werewolf heat mojo, and I’m on break, so there are not a whole lot of reasons I should be anywhere except in bed sleeping right now.”

Stiles couldn’t really make out Derek’s face, but he knew it wasn’t as remorseful as it should have been.

Stiles sighed loudly and continued marching toward the house, looking down again to make sure he didn’t step in anything which would make him even more uncomfortable.

It was as soon as he looked down that he felt it, the cold becoming even colder, ice running through his veins.

He was under attack!

He looked up with a gasp, eyes searching for the assailant, for what cruel monster had thrown a snowball right at him. 

He was surprised to see that all of the pack had appeared in front of the house (damn werewolf speed), all wearing smirks of varying deviousness. 

Derek had his arm still raised, and Stiles knew he was the perpetrator (he wasn’t even wearing gloves but already had another snowball in his other hand, he clearly had an unfair advantage). 

In fact, everyone had a snowball prepared, and they were all staring right at Stiles with an evil gleam.

“Whoa! Who decided everyone would team up against me? This seems totally unfair.”

“It’s not everyone against you,” Scott said.

“It’s every man for himself,” Isaac finished for him, and threw a snowball right at Derek’s face.

And then it was chaos.

Stiles made as many snowballs as he could while the werewolves were distracted amongst themselves, thanking god he had thought to put on gloves. 

When Stiles was pretty sure he had a good amount of ammo stockpiled, he called to Scott. “Scotty, it’s snow time!”

Ever since they were young, when they had any sort of battle, whether it be nerf guns or water balloons, “It’s show time,” was their codeword to create an alliance. They would join forces and blindside their opposite.

(Stiles may or may not have been waiting his whole life to get to use that snow time pun).

Stiles began constructing a kick ass fortress as Scott ran over and began throwing Stiles’ snowballs at a pace only werewolves were capable of. 

When he popped up to check how Scott was doing, he was blindsided by three rapid succession snowballs right to the face. 

All from his boyfriend.

“Rude! And totally unwarranted!” Stiles shouted.

Derek glared at him. “It was revenge for that awful pun.”

Stiles gaped. “Oh you have snow idea what you’ve just started.”

He ducked before Derek had even thrown the next snowball.

The battle lasted close to another hour (Stiles cursed werewolf endurance), hundreds of snowballs and a handful of puns thrown.

It was at the time that his gloves were soaked through and he thought his fingers might fall off if he made one more snowball that he decided to call it quits.

He turned to look at Scott who was hiding with him behind the fortress and gave one nod. They stood up in unison, shouting their surrender with their hands up.

They were immediately pelted with a flurry of balls.

Stiles’ arms fell to his side. “Really? When we were surrendering? Do you snow snow bounds?”

The rest of the pack stared at him with blank stares.

“Fine, whatever, clearly nobody appreciates me nor understands my genius. Sorry my puns are too advanced for you all.” Stiles shook his head in disappointment and began to head to the house.

And promptly fell on his ass.

The rest of the pack burst into laughter (including Scott, the traitor, who was quick to abandon him), and Stiles glared at the sky from where he lay, cursing the world for this injustice.

Derek walked over, a smirk clear on his face while he looked down at Stiles. “You good?”

Stiles grumbled. “Yes. I meant to do that.”

Derek looked even more amused. “Oh really? And why is that?” Derek asked even as he offered a hand to help Stiles up.

“So I could do this!” Stiles shouted as he pulled down Derek with all his might with the offered hand. He knew Derek must not have been expecting it, because he actually managed to pull him down with an exclamation.

His victory was short lived, as he realized the consequences of his actions. He groaned. “God, you’re so heavy.”

“And you’re so dumb.” Derek got up on his elbows so he was slightly above Stiles. 

Stiles stared dreamily up at his boyfriend, deciding to ignore the insult. “Hey, did it hurt?”

Derek raised an eyebrow. “You mean when you pulled me down? Not really, I had a squishy human to cushion my fall.”

Stiles rolled his eyes. “No, when you fell from heaven,” Stiles smiled widely, “Because you’re a snow angel.” He rolled them so he was above Derek.

Derek sighed heavily but remained limp as Stiles grabbed his arms, sliding them up and down through the snow in the classic snow angel motion.

Stiles rolled away from Derek when he got as close to an angel as he could and made his own, laughing the whole time. 

Derek sat up from where he had been manhandled. “Why do I put up with you?”

“It’s because you glove me!” Stiles shouted, removing one of his gloves (which at this point had become so soaked from snow that it was just making him more cold) and tossing it at Derek.

“Don’t take off your gloves, you dumbass!” Derek said, looking scandalized. Stiles couldn’t really blame him for his concern. Stiles was a human, and therefore susceptible to pesky things like hypothermia, but Derek should have thought of that before he started a snowball battle. 

Derek stood up and lifted Stiles up, hauling him over his shoulder.

Stiles didn’t really mind, since it got him out of the snow and gave him a great view of Derek’s ass.

“Just admit you’re s-mitten!” He took off his other glove and slapped Derek’s ass with it.

~~~

An hour later, Stiles was wearing multiple layers of Derek’s (dry) clothes, wrapped in a blanket, cuddling against his furnace boyfriend, surrounded by the pack.

“Well, I don’t know about you guys, but even if some people were needlessly cruel to me today, I had an ice time.”

The pack groaned, except Scott, who added, “Icy what you did there!”

Stiles leaned over to high five Scott.

“I will kick out the next person to make a pun,” Derek interjected.

Stiles rolled his eyes, even as he cuddled back into Derek’s side. “Ugh, whatever you say, Frosty.”

Derek glared down at Stiles, looking prepared to retaliate.

Stiles put his hands up in mock surrender. “That wasn’t a pun, that was a reference.”

“Well it wasn’t a very good one, since Frosty was a holly jolly soul.”

Stiles beamed. “Oh my god, my boyfriend knows his Christmas classics. I think I’m in love.”

“We know,” the rest of the pack responded in unison, but Stiles was too busy staring up at his boyfriend in adoration to care.

~~~ 

Later that night, when they laid together in bed, Stiles looked up at Derek, and his fondness shined bright. “I love you.”

Derek looked back at him, equally fond, and smirked and said, “I know.”

Stiles wasn’t sure if he wanted to hit him for ruining the moment, or kiss him senseless for quoting Star Wars. He did neither, because he couldn’t let this opportunity pass.

“You mean, you snow?”

The ensuing slap on the back of his head was well worth it.

[semi-imaginary-place]

In which I play maddening classic with only Byleth and Dimitri and liveblog on discord 1/15/20 - 2/2/20

because if I’ve got to see a character die repeatedly, countless times, it might as well be dimitri.  

So I'm on maddening and classic with only dimitri and I’m going to kill off every other character. I heard if they reach 0 hp in part 1 they stick around the monastery and you can talk to them they just aren’t a part of your class anymore. Give me your blessings.

I died on the prologue! ... i dont have a healer... Death count:2

I am definitely new game+ cheating this for professor level and skills. I was thinking magic focused but she can't be too squishy... Gremory would help that. Also why do all the magic classes have bad growths. Give me a moving fortress of magic!

Ashe went down, 7 to go. Ch3 turned into a survival horror... but i made it out

Ch 6 is hell. Any idea for how to kill every last one of them in 25 turns with only byleth? Or alternately get to and take down the death knight. Only byleth and dimitri run. And no dimitri this chapter, Byleth's a thief

My main problem in crowd control. If i had infinite turns then i could agro them 1 by one... Maybe I've built byleth wrong and just don't have the stats. Is the warp route faster? Haven't tried that yet. In hindsight this was a bad idea for my first maddening run. I'm so used to not using byleth much that this is very different. Damn archers...  Got done in by chip damage the first time...

I I dont know what happened... but I beat the death knight.... I was expecting to die becausr i accidentally opened the door so i skipped what actually happened.... Next thing I know game is telling me i got a dark seal What  Did I crit? With a silver sword? Im in shock I DONT EVRN I dont even know if it was a crit! But byleth is thief so lethality is out of the question Maybe I should go give a sacrifice to rng god

so I was in shock but yeah I used the warp route and avoided fighting most of the enemies.

So i'm now at the winter ball chapter and felix is still alive (i've decided to off one character every chapter so Miklan downed sylvain. oh and first time through ch5 i accidentally stepped into range of one of the center archers so every unit rushed me and i died) and i tried felix's paralogue and wowo its impossible. Rodrigue dies in 2 attacks, outruns my healing and likes to charge headfirst into the enemy. My record so far is 3 turns before he dies. Might give up since this is optional.

(i eventually finished the paralogue but gave up saving anyone else so i didn’t even get anything good out of it)

The ally A.I. is sooo bad. Jeralt. Dad. Please stop getting yourself killed

Almightly Father in Heaven preserve me. I'm making dimitri learn reason.  maybe his rationale will start making sense no more moon logic for you boy

Hey. Why wont the game let me make dimitri a dark bishop

I need dark mage certification first? Or is the internet lying to me

Well dimitri is at c+ reason but I'm tired of grinding.  

got dimitri from c+ to b+ in a battle. But the boredom makes me want to cry.  Also might have miscalculated.... Fighting an assassin in a forest.... i have 35% hit and no other weapon. They have like 18% hit....  When will i be free...

I made dimitri into a dark bishop and he beat lysithea in the magic tournament.  Also just the thought of dimitri in slithers is funny to me

wrath is how i survived the sothis paralogue. crit everything

chasing the empire around in the hold tomb with 2 units was actually kinda fun

I cant believe that worked... Final battle of part 1. I charge down the middle. And it works 4 turns for infanty to cross the field... and it worked ... Welp i somehow made it to part 2 intact. Endless waves of reinforcement here i come

(Oh yeah and rng is punishing me right now by giving terrible level ups)

For the bridge is it best to go straight for the commander?

bridge wasn’t too bad but I was convinced to spare dedue so i had to fend enemies off him like ants to a dropped ice cream cone. if dedue reaches 0 hp or you don’t do his paralogue he dies in fhirdiad and I’m trying to get everyone off my party but not dead, soooo he’s along for the ride

I'm stuck on am ch 14 ... how do I defend 4 spaces when I have 2 units... Those pegasus knights keep dodging too... Damn pegasus knights.... without them i could just hold a choke point with 1 unit. I have 4 gambit uses maximum... Another thought I had is to out fly their flyers so I can shift byleth over quickly. if I take out randolf in delusional prince the map doesn't end. It just stops reinforcements right? 

Soo I tried to kill randolf but my movement is too low. It takes 3 turns to reach him...

Yup this is possible. But because I can't do things the quick way. I'll have to do the long way of waiting out the right side and then heading for randolf with byleth all the while holding out with dimitri in the center and hoping rng favors me for lije 20 turns

ALRIGHT WhIcH oF yOuSe a LIAR Sooo .... killing randolph does not stop reinforcements nor does it get you a victory, the fire attack is the only way. Time to go guard another npc with a death wish. Also Gilbert is unkillable in AM

FEAR ME The only way to beat a pegasus knight to to out pegasus knight the pegasus knight Falcon knight bae-by! I am unstoppable I. Am absolute (I am never doing this again)

Finally got past that defend 4 spaces with 2 units and endless reinforcements

I've figured out how to level grind since same level enemies are giving like 7exp each

Alright. Taking suggestions, on how to keep hilda and judith alive in golden deers plea.  Alternately, how to kill arundel in 2 thurns without archers destroying me.  With only byleth and dimitrti.  Right now I'm thibking retribution-> byleth and gunning it. Suggestions for abilities/battalions? My current thought is vantage, alert stance+, renewal, wrath, pavaise, and evasion ring and bridgid hunters

Well i can get to arundel before hilda dies but not judith. I'm starting a campaign to save judith. Please pledge your support on the indiegogo page below

whew judith and hilda and both alive! Stride was a good idea. just make a run for arundel. Kinda sad i didn’t get the aurora shield but eh I got the stat increases at least. I also tried propping up judith with byleth healing them but tanking doesn’t exist in maddening so that didn’t work.

I've been skipping cutscenes because there’s no one else there but gilbert

Things I have learned this playthrough: how to grind skills, how to grind levels, how to save scum level ups. 

I’m actually getting a lot of dialogue I missed before just because Byleth and Dimitri are taking down every single enemy unit

At fort merceus, and i want the black pearl.  And i'd like to avoid lindhardt and caspar.  I'm thinking 1: fly over nab the pearl and kill death knight.  2: wait it out and eliminate every last unit ob the map.  What turn does death knight start running? Or is when you get to a specific part of the map?  Or am i thinking of an entirely different map...

New plan. Forget everything else and kill death knight

I have beaten the death knight. I have beaten the impregnable fortress. 44% crit rate.  But I didn't get the black pearl in the treasure chest and i want my item so... i might redo the battle

Got my pearl. for an idea what the battle is like each turn each of the 2 units needs to be on one specific tile for the best chance of survival, if they die i usually had to restart the battle or change something to get a reroll. and you do this for like 5 turns learning the combinations with a mix of guesswork and trial and error. you also need to move quickly because if 4 units surround you, you’ll be stuck until you’ve defeated every single enemy unit on the map or more likely you die.

Ok story time.  So I'm on ch 21 of AM now and aux battle no longer give me exp so my only way of leveling is healing (the exp curve is brutal). Even with the double use of bishop, i'm running down to the wire getting 1 level up/battle (plus the next battle where they gain stats for its more like 1 level/2 battles). I ran out of healing with like 500exp left to go so i restarted but by the end of the 20 heals and 10 recovers I had a different number and now I’m confused Reddit is telling me turn count? Affects exp gain?

Anyways I'm in enbarr.  One of the many wonderful things about playing with only dimitri and byleth is that you can't change their starting positions in battles

Wow i did that on my first try. O.o  Huh that actually worked... Good thing hubert is squishy. spared dorothea and petra too. huh.

I just had a realization... on the last map of AM. If I apply retribution to everyone... could I kill edelgard with that without having to cross the room? Hmmmm must try it out

Nope cant counter attack. Good thing enemy units on this map are acting defensively and only attack when you go into range.  If they swarmed me I'd be dead (again)

Once you reach a certain tile they do swam... i lasted like 4 turns... need to clear the room to stop reinforcements...

(its impossible to stop reinforcements with 2 units on maddening. once you get to the throne room a new wave comes each turn. but clearing the rooms before hand buys you time before you are overwhelmed). To give an idea of what’s going on aux battles are aprox 10 levels below my units. regular enemies are about the same level (so each is a threat and my 2 units can die on any turn) and bosses are usually a couple levels higher.

Hehehehe I am so powerful I have beaten maddening with only byleth and dimitri (Dedue came along for the ride too but was never deployed to battle)

The final AM wasn't as hard as some of the others (defending garreg mach) but boy is it long.  I think my final turn count was in the 50s.  Also the credit screen character battle  count maxes out at 999

I think I got dimitri and byleth up to like 70 base crit last playthrough. Plus wrath and defiant crit almost garunteed each hit was a crit.

nope it was more like base 120 crit

In the end for both dimitri and byleth I used rng based builts around avoid and critical hits (after i figured out what the hell i was mid way through part 1). dimitri went through the brawler line and then split time between war master and great lord. Byleth went up the thief line to assassin and then falcon knight. for both of them i also got most of the class skills.

considering this was my first maddening or classic run, I looked at 0 strategy guides (like an idiot) and had no idea what i was doing in the beginning, I’d say I did pretty well for myself.

oh and I was mistaken about something, if a unit reaches 0 hp in part one they die off screen during the timeskip (except gilbert to my despair) so there was no real point to sparing dedue. I really do hate gilbert, it seems no matter what you do you are stuck with him all of AM. there is no salvation. and this is why i skipped all the cutscenes this time around.

Dedue didn’t have much if any influence on the playthrough. Dedue was never deployed in any of the chapter battles but he did tag along as an adjunct (no weapon equipped) in aux battle sometimes because I felt bad for leaving him out all the time (that and dedue pops up later in battle on the map in part 2 and if he was still a level 1 commoner i would have 0 chance of beating the map since enemies rush him). so him leveling up was to negate the consequences of keeping him alive. If i had gotten him killed i wouldn’t have to worry about keeping him alive later. By the time I got to part 2 the skill gain from tutoring was negligible compared to the amount gained from grinding in battles, also both units were starting to max out on skills (S+) so choosing to explore the monastery gave little benefit. Interestingly, you can’t do a lot of the monastery activities if you only have 1 student (choir, dining, etc). So even after Dimitri stops loafing around, having dedue there for eating meals and stuff wouldn’t have helped and I’d choose battle anyways.

I now know more about how the game works than I ever wanted to... For example the calculations for any probability check (hit/miss, crit, level ups, pass/fail) are long done by the time you see them. so to reroll the dice so to speak you have to go back a certain amount of time (varies for each thing. Level up stats are determined before you enter the battle field so you have to reload a save on or before the preparations screen. Whether you pass/fail a certification is already determined by the time you reach as given calendar date, so you have to reload to before that day. If you divine pulse a 95% hit rate that your unit missed to right before any action is taken with that unit, they will still miss. With only 2 units you will probably have to rewind to the previous turn, but with a full party you need to go back at least a few units but I don’t know the exact number. More or less forcing the game to run at least one different probability calculation than your target will reset whatever result was determined for your target.

When you have an infinite number of iterations, even the most unlikely outcomes eventually come to pass.

This run was  60% luck, 35% perseverance,  4% "grinding", 1% skill, 100% pain

edit: 5/1/2020: looking back, i was a stubborn idiot (as usual) for refusing to look up strategies or other solo maddening runs that people had already done. i can definitively say omegarevolution dealt with the defend map far better than i did. i never even considered +20hit to deal with falcon knights

oh yeah and i don’t have dlc or the nintendo online subscription so i couldn’t use any of that.

[cchellacat]

It’s Not A Cuddle

Love All The Marvel Ships Challenge 

Day Two ~ Cuddling

“Barnes, are you cuddling me?”

“No…”

“Barnes, it feels like a cuddle.”

“I’m not cuddling you Lewis.”  It’s petulant and makes Darcy want to snigger so hard.  She can hear the pout even if she can’t see it.  Currently her face is smushed into his right peck and the his arm is banded so tightly round her shoulder she can’t turn her head.

“Then what, pray tell, do you call this new action of holding me like a koala on a branch?”

“…  Pre-emptive, aggressive, self-preservation?”

What the actual fuck?

“Barnes, did Sam do the thing again?”

“……”

“He did the thing again.”  Darcy sighs into his shoulder and refrains from inhaling his scent, which is fucking hard because the man smells like heaven.  So, she stands and lets him cling to her like a limpet and pets his back gently, while plotting the best way to convince Clint to help her with some Nair, glitter and disappearing every scrap of towel or clothing from the gym changing room.

  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 “Barnes, are we cuddling again?”

“S’not a cuddle Lewis.”

“I’m in your lap…”

“….”

“You’re holding me like a vice, how is this not a cuddle?”  her voice climbs a little higher, because really?

“Don’t want you falling off when you fall asleep.”  Wait… what?

“You’re anticipating help isn’t coming for so long I’ll have to sleep?”

“Sorry doll, you’re stuck with me for at least the next 36 hours.”  He sounds grumpy and strained but she knows he’s being all self depreciating, but that sort of shit isn’t gonna fly.

“S’not so bad.”  She tells him shyly.

“Yeah?”  

Was that hope in his tone she wonders?

“Yeah… I’m just gonna… not cuddle you right back.”  

She slips her arms around his waist and clings, because damn it they are stuck half way up a cliff, with a sheer drop to the ocean below and it’s cold enough to freeze the tits off a penguin.  Thank god for super soldier serum, Sergeant “this is not a cuddle” Barnes, ran hot enough to keep her from getting hypothermia and she wasn’t going to complain about him holding her close and sniffing her hair every so often. She wriggled a little closer and stifled a giggle when he grunted and tried to shift under her, keeping himself from poking her.

“That a gun in your pocket Sarge?”

“… shut it, Lewis.”  She hears the smile in his voice and presses her nose into his chest to keep warm.

  ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“This is becoming a habit.” She sighs as she holds onto his shoulders, her face pressed into his neck.

If she tries hard enough, she can almost imagine his voice insisting that it’s not a cuddle.  But Barnes isn’t here right now.  It’s the Winter Soldier that’s set up shop in her erstwhile crushes brain.

He’d lifted her up into his arms as soon as he entered the common room, her feet clearing the floor by a good six inches, then he’d hiked her up further with a hand under her thigh until she was practically sitting on his hip like a toddler.  It seemed sensible to wrap her legs around his hips at that point as he was quickly moving from the room at a half jog.  

Now they’re holed up in a safe room and he still hasn’t let her down.  

She’s not scared, in fact she’s pretty sure he’s the one that’s worried.  It felt like he thought he was being chased when he turned up and whisked her away.

Eventually, after hours he finally sits down, still holding her close and he cuddles into her and tucks his head into her neck.  Darcy feels like her heart grows three sizes.  Then she narrows her eyes.  She’s gonna fuck Sam up so hard for this, he was always winding Barnes up till he snapped. It had went too far this time.  If there was not a legit threat on the other side of that door and she finds out he caused this she is going to Fuck. Him. Up.

Darcy humms a little and runs her fingers through his hair.  Eventually he lifts his head and looks at her.

“Are you cuddling me Lewis?”

“It’s not a cuddle Barnes.”

“You’re wrapped round me like a possum Lewis.”

“You kidnapped me, I just clung on for the ride.”  She doesn’t stop carding her hand through his hair and he rests his head back on her shoulder.

“S’not a cuddle Lewis.” He agrees.

“Darn tootin.”  She grins as he tightens his arms round her.

 ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Four hours earlier

“This means war Lewis, you hear me, you’re a dead woman, I’m gonna strangle you with that fluffly monstrosity you call a scarf.”  

Sam come’s running down the hall, screaming at the top of his lungs, yelling threats.  He’s naked as the day he was born and there is not a single hair on his body.  His skin sparkles with bright neon orange glitter.  

He stops dead when he runs into Barnes and stutters to a halt.  He sees the switch over from Bucky to Winter Soldier and then takes off in the opposite direction.  

The Winter Soldier is on a mission.  Protect Lewis.  She is important to the maintenance of the soldier.  She gives the best cuddles.

  ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

  It’s been two weeks since the Winter Soldier locked them in a safe room for six hours and Darcy has made headway in operation obliterate that bird brain Falcon.  Currently he’s found himself locked out of the Tower on five occasion, his security badges stopping working at the worst moments.  Darcy has Jarvis alert her whenever there is a good show to be had.

She’s in the kitchen pulling out a cherry pie when Jarvis alerts her that the latest inconvenience, she’s organised for Sam Wilson is about to begin.

“Right on time.”  She cackles manically.

“Right on time for what?” Barnes pipes up from behind her. Darcy just smirks and invites him to sit on the couch with her as Jarvis brings up the security feed for the private elevator.

She places the pie down and grabs two forks, handing one to Barnes as Sam steps inside the elevator, he keys in his security code and then uses the badge to confirm his authorization.

Barnes frowns and absently scoops up a bite of pie.

Darcy hold her breath, she’s heard rumours, nothing concrete, but she’s hoping that Tony really wasn’t joking about his security measures.

On the screen the elevator climbs half way up the tower before a warning alarm blares through the small confines of the box.  Darcy grins as Barnes’s lip twitch in appreciation of the way Falcon jumps and clamps his hands over his ears, swiping ineffectually at the security panel with his badge.  Then a klaxon sounds and Darcy feels the thrill of Saturday morning high jinks, as the bottom of the elevator opens and drops Sam down a chute that, damn, Tony had camera’s positioned all along.  The man is a genius!

A choked snort comes from Barnes as he coughs and swallows the pie.  Then he begins to grin as Sam screams, flying down the chute like a rocket. Darcy grips her knees and bites her lip hard, tears welling in her eyes, oh this is going to be so good.  And it is.  It’s everything she hoped for and more.

The rumours were true, the elevator was the one-way ticket to vat of slime for any unauthorised parties entering the private elevator.

Sam’s arms spun wildly as he was dropped ten feet above the open vat, clawing desperately at the air as he fell and landed right into the bright red goo.

The loud breathless laugh that escapes Barnes’ chest is the most beautiful sound she’s ever heard.  He laughs until he cry’s and she joins him.

Then it’s like she’s lighter than air and he’s scooping her up in his arms and twirling her before sitting back down, Darcy now firmly ensconced on his knee.  He pulls her in and presses a kiss to her cheek.

“Thank you, Darcy, that’s the best thing I ever saw.”

“My pleasure.” She assures him with bright smile.

He settles back and she falls with him and he doesn’t let go.

“Barnes…”

“Call me Bucky, Doll.”

“Bucky…  what are we doing?”

“What does it look like Doll?  We’re cuddling.”

“Cuddling, huh?”

“Yup.”  He presses a kiss into her hair and she snuggles into his welcome arms.  Cuddling, yup, she could get used to this.

“I like cuddles.”  She breaths out as his arms tighten and his hand strokes down her back settles in the curve of her waist.

“I know.”  He raises a brown and she finds herself shaking into his chest as she laughs.

NEXT

@captain-rogers-beard

[themegalosaurus]

Summergen Recs 2018

I love to do a long list of Summergen recs so here they are for this year! Reveals are due any day now so hurry to read them while they are still Mysterious and Anonymous. And do check out the full collection at the Summergen website, there were lots of other really good entries (plus my entry, haha) but my list was getting unmanageably long so I had to be very exacting in my choice! Also, please pay attention to the warnings on each fic when you click through, some of them are fairly dark...

ART Summer School  Sam didn't realize his summer breaks weren't like other kids' summers -- not at first. But the older he gets, the more he realizes how different his family is from other kids he meets. - Just a lovely atmospheric vision of a moment in Sam and Dean's adolescence.

[untitled] Jack grew up as the younger brother of Sam and Dean--just a regular kid with profound powers trying to hide from his hunter family that he's the son of Lucifer. - A really clever interpretation of the prompt that raises more questions than it answers!

FIC Black Coffee in Bed, 2900 words, PG-13 Breakdown in Nebraska, and the mornings after. - Beautifully, sparely written insight (via a service-station psychic) into Sam's mindset during that bleak, dark moment mid-season 13.

Chick Lit References, 3200 words, R “This is just typical,” Dean says angrily. “Cas puts us in a yurt, and you won’t let me leave because you think we need this to ‘fix us,’ but here’s the thing, Sam, next time you’re mad at me, maybe you should try this thing called talking instead of going straight to chick lit references that will soar over my head.” - The premise for this feels like it should be cracky, almost - Sam and Dean take some 'me-time' to recover from Michael - but it's much more subtle and emotionally complex than that.

death unhinged its jaw, 4500 words, PG-13 death unhinged its jaw and swallowed them whole, only to spit them back out again after. - I don't want to give away the central conceit of this one and it's not the first I've read to toy with the idea, but it executes it perfectly; dark and understated and (if you think too hard about it) really awfully, hopelessly grim.

Fledgling, 7700 words, PG-13 When four-year-old Emma arrives the Bunker, Sam wonders exactly what it is that Cas brought him — what he made without his soul. - I feel like a lot of fics told with this kidfic premise or in this kind of ethereal tone wouldn't work for me but this one really swings it, somehow. I think partly there's an undercurrent of humour that punctures what in the wrong hands would be - for me - too grandiose. Instead, it's an unexpectedly sweet, magical little story.

Misplaced, 1900 words, PG-13 "Dean facilitated a divine family reunion and God’s sister gifted him John Winchester. The world is upside-down—but they’ve rescued Sam, and doesn’t the world somehow (always) hinge on him?” For the prompt: Season 12 Au where John was brought back to life instead of Mary. - This one Pulls No Punches. It's brutal and is all the better for it!

Mongrels, 4000 words, PG-13 'One time in the first grade, Sam's art teacher had assigned self-portraits--a picture meant to show the world who you really were. In his self-portrait, Sam had given himself approximately 37 heads, and Dean had been sent to the principal's office for shouting "oh FUCK" when he saw it.' Just New Mexico things. S9 post-Gadreel H/C casefic. - Compelling, hallucinogenic, clever casefic told through Dean's eyes during that twisty period of emotional estrangement

Open Sky, 3200 words, PG-13 Magda lives, and ends up spending some time at the bunker. - Lovely fic with Sam and Magda in a sort of Sam-Jack style relationship. Sam does some helping, confronts some truths, MAGDA LIVES, we all know how bitter I am about this ahahahaha

Riptide, 10,000 words, PG-13 Sam just wants to be a normal college student and normal college students go on spring break. Of course, that’s when bodies begin washing up on the beach. - I love me a Stanford casefic and this one is particularly well done. It has a great monster and it gives Sam a really believable set of friends and relationships to work with and around as he tries to solve the problem without letting anyone in on his secret. Really enjoyable.

Saints Preserve Us, 9,600 words, PG-13 - Dean has convinced Sam that Mark of Cain or not, he’s still perfectly capable of a straightforward salt and burn. Hint: he may have exaggerated slightly. Meanwhile, the Fates are locked in a bureaucratic battle with Heaven over the supply of basic utilities and are just generally dysfunctional. These things are not unrelated. - Quirky, well-written casefic with a touch of the Neil Gaimans. (That's a good thing!)

Sicko, 2900 words, PG-13 Now fully human, Jack navigates the realities of both past and present. - I'm a sucker for Jack and Sam fics and this is another really fantastic one with Jack figuring out some pretty heavy stuff now that he is human. Sam in this story is absolutely lovely and Jack is heartbreaking in just the same way as he is sometimes in the show. Really worth reading.

Sleeping with the Fishes, 4400 words, PG-13 Dean won’t rest until Sam sleeps. - This one (with bonus lovely artwork) doesn't try to do anything too fancy but it's a well-written snapshot of every hurt!Sam aficionado's favourite slice of canon (yes I do mean haggard sleepless Hallucifer-Sam) with a Sam and Dean whose voices are absolutely spot-on. 

Sweet Dreams Are Made of This, 5600 words, PG-13 Sam's looking at a large white envelope, with the word Stanford printed on the top. - I don't want to spoil too much of this one - Sam has to tell the family about his Stanford offer. Let's leave it there. 

These are the days of miracle and wonder (this is the long distance call), 10,000 words, PG-13 Sam Winchester's life has been touched by many things - love, loss, fear, hope, pain, and always, in the background, witchcraft. - Probably my favourite fic of the whole of Summergen this year. Sam as a witch. Lovely shifting POV and it builds to such a fantastic climax. Plus some A+ cameos.

Wintering, 1000 words, G Dean is hurt on his first hunt and lets Sam take care of him. - Poignant little outsider POV fic that offers a perfect glimpse of a particular moment.

Wreckage, 4800 words, PG-13 It’s a slow procession out the front door of the Bunker that first week until it’s just the two of them left. Jack wants to comfort Sam after Michael takes off with Dean but doesn’t know how, and Sam is obsessed with how to get his brother back, no matter what the cost. - I already recced this because it's the fic I prompted, but it's beautifully told and very touching. Well worth a read.

[infiniteleftdoesffxiv]

Dreaming

(content warning here for: semi-graphic mention of wounds, death)

----

She was walking.

The white expanse told her she was back in Coerthas. Back? When had I left? She shook her head, uncertain with the exhausting fog in her head. The wind whipped her heavy cloak into her view, but even with it, she felt almost numb.

Something told her she was cold, and yet the blistering chill was nowhere to be felt. She turned her head, exposing her face to the frosty air, and felt nothing, a worrying sign. Was she freezing to death?

She was halfway there, apparently. Definitely not good, considering she had no idea where she was. A glance to the heavens did her no good, with an equally white screen blotting out the stars. Halone preserve her. Hah. The snow would, if the goddess wouldn’t. She pressed onward, wondering if she should turn back. Had she already done so?

The woman felt tired and weak, a tremble running up her legs with every step she took, feeling as if someone had tied weights to her ankles. She couldn't even step above the snow now, which certainly couldn't have helped. The stiff fabric of her gown brushed her ankles with each step, further dragging her down.

Even still, she carried on.

She tried to remember why. It was important, that much she knew. Why else would she be here, in the frozen wasteland, damned to an eternal winter?

She must have drifted out of lucidity, because the next thing she knew, she was walking along a river. She stopped, hope bubbling up in her chest. If she followed the river, it would take her back to the road. Either way she went along that path would lead her to safety, if she could just hold on long enough to make it there. With a newfound strength, she resumed her journey.

It must have been ages as she followed the flow of water, each passing minute(?) bringing back the unease. Surely, she should have reached the tower or stronghold by now. Was she worse off than she'd thought? She blinked, the stinging sensation returning as she stared up at the cloudy sky that sprinkled down snowflakes. Why was she looking up, again? Oh, right, she was on her back.

Gods, she was tired.

Surely, she hadn't fallen asleep. She would've been dead by now if she had, with the frozen garments no longer assisting her in keeping warm. Warily, she pushed herself up. It took effort, but eventually she found herself righted, if still a lump on the ground.

She felt faint, the fog somehow managing to penetrate not just her vision, but her mind as well. She stared at the river. What a laugh. Her supposed guide back to home, and look what it got her.

Seeing as she probably would fall right on into the water if she tried to stand, she supposed she could afford sitting here for a little while, just until she found her bearing again. At least the snow had lightened some.

...Though, she wasn’t sure how grateful she’d be for it, now that she could see shadowy figures flitting about somewhere over the ridge. She hoped enough crystals were clinging to her cloak to disguise her. Blue melded well with white, didn’t it? She hated the color blue. She wore it anyway. At least it was better than crimson. She thought she hated that color more. Or was it less?

She hated them both, if she was honest. She hated every color for every sort of reason. Except for white, oddly enough. When it was crisp, clean, and pure, all was well. Of course, it never lasted, and often white became stained with red.

She hated black the most, though.

It was never good tidings. Black nights were married by darkness, pinprick lights barely visible. It was the shadows that lurked around, over their heads and under their beds.

It was decay, flesh being too frozen to live, necrosis setting in on an old, infected wound they'd been too late to treat.

Or alternatively... Blackened flesh was a sign of the other extreme.

Speaking of lingering shadows, however, one had appeared. It was headed towards her, she realized with dread settling in her stomach. Were they her brethren, or were they those who lay low with dragons?

Non-believers, her people decried them as. Heretics.

Frankly, she'd had issue with the fanatic worship, but such things she could never utter. She'd sooner haw off her own tongue and hands than betray Ishgard in such a manner. She quieted those sinister thoughts.

The figure had drawn ever closer as her mind had wandered, and she realized she could make out who it was. She knew that face anywhere.

Her brother had come looking for her.

Relief had been mixed with worry, but it was still potent anyway. While he'd risked himself in this storm -- who let him conduct a search in such weather?! Why was he alone?! -- he'd found her. She would be saved.

He'd take her away from the looming evil over the mountain crests. They danced at the corners of her vision, and she knew they'd take their sweet time. To savor it. To enjoy it.

Something changed inbetween the time she was looking at her brother, and then the looming shadow hidden in the clouds, and the now shapeless figure of her brother was no longer her brother.

Horrified, she stared at the man who she could now faintly recognize as Arden. He’d grown up, now, and was smiling at her, familiar and alien all at the same time. His smile was fading, though, the more he trudged through the snow.

The shadows had left their sanctuary of the high ridges above, and she watched as they loomed over the snow, loomed over the both of them. She wondered if it was the fear that was paralyzing her at the moment, or the freezing cold.

Her son’s face had his notoriously scrunched up brow and nose, the hyur -- Halone, strike me where I lay, wasn’t he just a boy?! -- man crunching his way over to her. The shadows ran out of patience, and the air and ground behind him lit up in an eye-burning display.

He didn’t even make a sound, just reached for her with the same determined look on his face as the raging orange light caught up to him, and with a start, she found she couldn’t move. All she was able to do was watch as the flame overtook him, boiling the flesh off his bone, and all she could do was watch.

Eloise found her voice, and Narua woke up.

[onceabluemoonwrites]

All of This and Heaven Too

Fandom: Haikyuu

Summary: Deity/Shinigami AU 

‘’I found you on the mountain, next to your frozen corpse, widower’s marks inked across your back. Black grief stark against your winter-white skin, the wings of a raven. Feathers spread over your shoulder blades.

Another suicide, I thought.

But you weren’t.’’

Kuroo-no-Mikoto falls hopelessly for the ghost of a widower. If only he didn’t know the ghost of his wife too.

Disclaimer: I don’t own Haikyuu.

Written for Kurodai Weekend 2017 (Tumblr | AO3) Day One, which had the prompt: ‘’Spirits (Shinigami | Yokai and Exorcist AU)

Part of my Deity AUs. 

This is fic is also on AO3 and FF.net

I found you on the mountain, next to your frozen corpse, widower’s marks inked across your back. Black grief stark against your winter-white skin, the wings of a raven. Feathers spread over your shoulder blades.

Another suicide, I thought.

But you weren’t.

The first time, the only thing you said was: ‘’I won’t get home in time for dinner.’’

And my existence zoomed in on you, like a moth to the flame.

What a laugh the other Gods must’ve had.

Curiosity killed the cat and being a deity never halted my feline inclinations.

You refused to come with me.

How foolish. If you were not you, I might have brought you to the afterlife. But you are you, all pensive eyes, waking over your own body as you remain at the place you died, a spectre of the living, a soul un-attached. And I want to keep you, if only to play with you for a little.

Why won’t you play along? It’d be fun! You be the thread, the silly thread, and I’ll be the cat pawing at it. Mighty fun, you see!

I’ll persuade, pursue you.

…If you won’t come with me to play, I’ll amuse myself right here.

The sun went down and I appeared, slipping past the ravine between life and death. Gliding frigid fingers over your shoulders, your forever frozen form intangible to all except the immortal. The last sun rays slid right through you, your partial transparency breaking the light into rainbows as if you were water-made. ‘’Widower’s marks?’’.

You frown and reach back to cover your tattoo with a hand, like trying to heal a wound by painting it over.  ‘’I was on the way to honour my dead wife when I got stuck in the snow storm. I thought I was lost, but it seems I might’ve been on the right track after all.’’

How curious. I don’t like the thought of someone else’s dirty paws on your skin.

‘’You, a wife?’’ A single finger stroke over your back, a sign of ownership, ‘’A shame it is, of such a lovely man.’’

You slap my hand away, glaring. ‘’Yui was never a shame.’’

A knife twists in my chest as you sit down.

It’s not really there, but I want to take it out nonetheless and hunt down the woman who dared to make you love her so. Or maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll let it sit there, slicing into my flesh as I tear into hers- claws only.

You’re mine. You don’t get to be someone else’s too.

‘’…Her name was Yui, huh? Wouldn’t happen to be Michimiya Yui from the rock altar, right?’’

Another day, another attempt to convince you to move on, another insensitive question that would no doubt urge you to punch me in the face someday. A smirk curled around my mouth.

‘’Sawamura Yui, but yes. Michimiya was her maiden name. I would appreciate it, though, if you wouldn’t mention the rock altar.’’

‘’Oh, pardon me. I always forget Saeko’s offers bleed to death. Must’ve been quite the sight.’’

‘’My wife.’’

‘’…I’ll see you tomorrow.’’

You keep staring at your corpse, its heart unbeating, frost crawling over it, the sweet lips blue. Perfectly preserved, crystallized in time as if you could slip back into it and resume your journey anytime now.

In the summer the ice will melt. Will you still linger here when the flesh starts to reek of rotten fish? Will you stay, when your skin turns to dust and only your bones remain?

You lick your lips and I want to do the same.

(Why won’t you come with me?)

‘’How was your day?’’

‘’Cold as hell and I’m not even there yet, though I don’t get what the devil is doing among the living.’’

‘’Not the devil, darling, but I’d fall for you~.’’

‘’…Christian mythology? Really?’’

‘’C’mon, you laughed!’’

Oh, you’re a thread. My red thread of fate, and oh, you keep jerking me around, my love. Cat got the canary turns into raven caught the cat. I’m powerless when it comes to you.

So if you ask, I cannot refuse you. I will tell you what you must not hear and it will devastate you- all because you ask it of me.

So please, don’t ask. Please don’t, because it might be the one wound I can’t heal.

Could you be so cruel?

Don’t be. I’m begging you.

Please.

Gods don’t kneel, but love has been a greater force than divinity since before time existed.

You beg me to take you to Tanaka mountain- I cannot. It would ruin you, my darling. But I don’t tell you that. I smile and laugh and play the villain with silly masks and shoes too large to fill.

Your eyes pierce through me like a knife in the butter. You cut me open every time and watch my organs sputter and die- uncomprehending of what you’re seeing as I choke to death.

Or perhaps you do understand.

Stars whirl and dawn breaks and I flinch away from daylight. I’m the one who refuses to tell you the truth.

I’m good at torturing myself.

Mourning leaves scars on souls, and yours are clearly visible on your ghostly silhouette. But still, when I asked you, you answered.

‘’Will you accompany me to the Winter Solstice?’’

‘’Has it been so long already?’’

I frown. ‘’What do you mean?’’

‘’A year has gone by since I came here.’’

I blink. Such a tiny amount of time- and you measure it?

That is not what I want. I’ll have forever with you if I have my way.

‘’I thought you’d like to see the Spirit Convention, that’s all.’’

I try to reach for your hand, but you decline and stand in your own power.

Still, you come with me and it tastes like a toast to victory, though I’m drunk on you already.

Ushijima mountain is fun. Simultaneously teasing Tooru-no-Mikoto, laughing at the clumsy, silver-haired giant accompanying Kenma, and having you along for the ride.

I stomp down on the earth as the drums bang and the world starts to spin.

We dance through the jam-packed festival grounds, my feet next to yours. A step forward, two back. A fight, a competition, a divine struggle for power between the ghost of a man and the lovesick God at his feet.

And over your shoulder, I see them. I slow, movements not quite keeping up with yours, jarring the harmony.

You frown.

My eyes are no longer on you, but your displeasure is clear. You turn around, but I stop you, catching your face between my hands.

You can’t see them. I won’t let you.

I knew Saeko kept Yui, of course. It was her right. Her sacrifice, her choice. Yui joined the hunt, like all the others before her. But unlike the others, she slept in Saeko’s temple, she slept in Saeko’s bed, she slept in Saeko’s arms, but most importantly, in her heart.

When you were alive, she was your wife, but both of you are dead now, and while you carried widower’s marks, she was kissing another.

I love you, and I cannot break your heart by showing you her soul.

The third time I turn you away, your face is set to thunder. ‘’Stop doing that. What are you trying to hide?’’

‘’My love for you!’’

You shoulder past me, jostling me, and run straight into the very person I didn’t want you to see.

Your wife.

You see her face and gasp, your hands flying to her shoulders, her face, as if she’ll melt any moment. For all you know, she could.

‘’I thought you were dead!’’ you clutch her to your chest, strong arms around her small frame. Small, but not fragile, never fragile, she’s a hunter, a predator, the one who will snatch you from me.  

‘’I am! Dead as a headless codfish with the guts ripped out! Except for the fish part, of course.’’ She babbles from where you’re squishing her.

‘’Yui,’’ you laugh, hysterics spiraling, ‘’That is never going to be funny.’’

I close my eyes and let the crowd’s noise wash over me.

I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to be hurt, but that doesn’t mean I didn’t know what would happen if you knew. If she… If she still loved you.

I don’t step away, I don’t go to hide. I’m staying right here, lump in my throat, eyes burning, nausea swirling in my stomach cavern. I do not hunch, I do not cry, because I am a God, and I shan’t shame my mountain.

And the most horrid thing? I cannot even wish you well because Saeko is a free spirit, but she looks at your wife like she puts the stars in the sky, and she’ll never let her go.

Or maybe she will if she loves her enough.

Cold creeps into my bones. They freeze, they ring, they shatter.

You’re humming when you return. ‘’Let’s go home!’’

I don’t understand. There is no woman at your side, no angry goddess chasing you.

Just you, standing there on the road, a larger than life picture, contrasting with the sky.

You chuckle and take me by the hand, descending the mountain as easily as a goat, dragging me with you.

I don’t understand.

Why are you acting like this?

The steep, meandering path seems to go on forever, but I can’t bring myself to speak.

Your legs dangle over the platform’s edge, the sunset painting your features red, orange, yellow with soft kisses of light. A soft sigh leaves your lips. The wind breezes through your brown hair and I long to reach out.

Will it feel like bristles? It must, when it’s so closely cropped.

From this high up, you can see as far as the eye reaches. Tanaka mountain, Ushijima, Aone and even Bokuto. All sides covered with trees, and long, long stairs to the shrine at the top. The jewels on the crown, cloaked in mist and clouds. But sitting next to you, not even the darling village down in the valley below can distract me- the only view worth watching is you.

I swallow.

‘’Did Yui not love you enough to leave a goddess for you?’’ The question lies heavy on my tongue.

You blink and frown, eyes gliding over my face in confusion.

‘’What-‘’ You stop, your expression the breaking dawn, and burst out in deep, booming laughter. It echoes in the valley beneath.

I don’t understand at all.

The last wheeze dies down, and you take my hand, playing with my fingers. ‘’I was twenty-two when I married her, you know. She was warm and so full of life. The sun incarnate, I often thought. She’d always dreamed of getting married. So when the name day came and they announced she would be the one sacrificed on Tanaka mountain, I knew I had to make it come true. And if she didn’t get to marry her dream girl, well, then ‘lil old me would have to do.’’

It’s soft and gentle, and- ‘’Dream girl?’’

Your breathing is the world between us. ‘’Yui’s my soulmate, just not that way. As to the marriage,’’ You shrug, ‘’That’s what best friends are for, right?’’

Oh.

Oh.

Your hands linger on my waist and you lean in, bringing your face so impossibly, wonderfully close. My lips part. Your pupils dilate, devouring the iris as you touch your mouth to mine.

I close my eyes.

Butterflies flutter in my stomach.

It’s warm and alive, and I crawl closer, kimono folds falling over your knees as I clutch your neck like a lifeline.

I will never tire of this.

Afterwards, you look me straight in the eye, and say: ‘’We are going to have serious conversations about honesty and communication.’’

And I laugh and nod, hopelessly in love, and as lost in you as you are in me.

I almost can’t believe it. We can have all of this.

And heaven?

Heaven too.