#oh yeah btw “Egg” is John

[inkyu]

W.I.P!? woah!?

I was doodleing and got this...

Why? I don't know, But I want to finish this for some reason

(also I looked at this drawing and NO IT DOES NOT SAY NAIR. IT SAYS HAIR. I can't write my H's and N's properly so it ends up like either or :( )

[spacedhead]

homestuck reread #7: a5a2 part 3

this is so fucked up.

but hey check it out. vriska went goat mode

okayyy merry christmas and happy new year to everyone reading. never too late for a happy new year

look at roseee shes serving so hard rn. but unfortunately she is talking to doc scratch. which is something one should never do. especially if one is a light player he really loves to torment light players for some reason

look at how cool jade looks here i would wear the shit out of this outfit if it wasnt approx. 1 trillion degrees in my location. keep slaying girl

what a thing to say. i know what he is talking about and yet i still barely understood what he meant

yeah WHATEVER . most important character my ass. we dont care . booooo. boo

why is jade sprite so sad shes being such a cry baby. honestly normal jade is based for this. jade sprite is just crying and crying for NO REASON. what is even the problem!!!!!

very fucking interesting indeed.... what a funny thing to say. that is VERY FUCKING interesting......

woah he looks so cool i love art i love images. also he looks like has the windows logo on his face... sponsored? hello?

okay so i guess the mayor is having a bad dream. this is pretty scary man... i wonder if its like the ring that he has affecting him in some way. i dont know what it means....

oh? vriska is here now

dawwww shes so EEPY!!! that being said, the next page is [s] wake, and i really fucking hate this one. so im NOT EXCITED.

ARADIA!!!! SHE DID IT!!!! im so happy for her and nothing else happens in this animation so i might as well not watch the rest of it

:(

sigh. man this sucks

look at jade go. she looks so awesome! like a super hero. iron man. tony stark . stucky. i could do this all day . blargh

ok so now im playing another game thing. kanaya and jade just had a conversation about how they have the same role in the two different sessions and how theyre more similar than they thought. also theres some future jade present karkat past jade password shenanigans going on. i loooove when time travel makes no sense and is super confusing. that isnt sarcasm btw. and that wasnt either. also, they updated the sprites in this one so they look way better and sweeeeeeeet. that was 8 e's btw. she isnt even here to appreciate my efforts.....

this is like scott pilgrim to me. theyre about to go at it!!!! who you guys got money on? me personally i bet sollux 3-0s him and doesnt lose a stock

easter egg

anyway yeah guys i was just kidding sollux was no match for eridans insane hope powers. really wasnt even fair to begin with

yeah and now eridan snaps and becomes an incel. sadge. why do people even like this guy?? WHATEVER HES MID HOPE HE DIES SOON RIP BOZO

my honest reaction to eridan to only knocking out the guy he had an actual problem with, but killing two women who he liked and respected

on top of that, gamzee has officially lost it. MAN EVERYTHING IS FUCKING SPIRALING MAN TAVROS IS DEAD KANAYAS DEAD FEFERIS DEAD SOLLUX IS KO'D GAMZEES CRAZY. surely nothing else goes wrong

yeah

karkat....:(

oh.....hey john....nice to see you..... maybe you can lift my mood a little...

STOP CALLING WOMEN CRAZY. even if this one might be a little crazy .. YOU HAVE NO RIGHT

ALALALALLALAAL thats what vriska looks like shes saying. do you see it i see it personally

man now i gotta be equius in this game. lets see how this goes...

SHES SO REAL I LOVE HER. nothing bad will ever happen to her

okay well i reached the end of the game and also the image limit for this post. so ill continue this next time. but i just gotta say

that it was actually pretty good. like go figure the equius one was pretty engaging. equius is very protective of nepeta and it was very sad when he was like "let me take this chance to say goodbye" and nepeta was like "um okay but i will see you soon." like. yeah i guess you will.... :(

i actually liked both of them in this one isolated game . sad for whats gonna happen in the coming pages

[pesterloglog]

Roxy Lalonde, John Egbert

Act 6, page 7108-7112

ROXY: so

ROXY: all that wind

ROXY: that was you right

JOHN: yes.

ROXY: hmmmmm

ROXY: i dont see any glitchy trash

ROXY: guess your humongous blowy spell did away with all that grody nonsense?

JOHN: oh.

JOHN: yeah, i guess you're right.

JOHN: i didn't even notice until you just mentioned it, but yeah, i guess that dumb problem is finally busted.

JOHN: thank god!

ROXY: fo real

ROXY: i heard music 2

ROXY: did u hear music?

JOHN: yes, that was me too.

JOHN: i was playing a magic organ.

ROXY: oh relay

JOHN: yes, see, there's this huge organ...

ROXY: that is almost certainly what she said

ROXY: WONK

JOHN: oh, shush. :p

JOHN: anyway, this huge PIPE organ...

JOHN: it let me play the breeze, so to speak.

JOHN: i think that was the only way to get rid of all those clouds, and let the fire flies go home.

ROXY: this is their home huh

JOHN: i guess so?

JOHN: i am surprised by how my quest turned out too, to be honest.

ROXY: it is kinda bittersweet

ROXY: seeing all of twinkly herberts bros and sisters going home

JOHN: twinkly who?

ROXY: my pet firefly

ROXY: im guessin this is where he was from

JOHN: oh.

ROXY: they all seem happy though

ROXY: look at em all blinkin away

ROXY: into the blank ass yonder

JOHN: heh.

ROXY: why is the sky blank btw

JOHN: it's blank because it's...

JOHN: nothing.

ROXY: nothing

ROXY: why is it nothing

ROXY: where even are we

JOHN: it's nothing because we are literally nowhere.

ROXY: uh

ROXY: ok how can you tell its actually a field of nothingness

ROXY: as opposed to just a bunch of regular empty space that happens to look vaguely neutral

JOHN: how can i tell?

JOHN: i guess i just can.

ROXY: no but how

JOHN: why don't you ask yourself!

JOHN: you're the one who asked me why it was blank in the first place.

JOHN: so why did you choose the term "blank" in your question?

ROXY: .....

ROXY: DAMN

ROXY: owned @ the philosophies

JOHN: so owned.

JOHN: you will find i am the best there is at those.

ROXY: is true

ROXY: im always gettin owned at those by you and ur kin

ROXY: recently your crazy dog sister was schoolin me on perfectly generic cubes

JOHN: you mean generic objects.

ROXY: generic fort blox :p

JOHN: yes.

ROXY: now u are droppin truth bombs about blank skies on me

ROXY: shouldnt i be like innately stellar at this sorta stuff as a void player

ROXY: must be comin off slow as fuck on the uptake here arent i

JOHN: not really.

JOHN: you seem pretty smart to me.

ROXY: i do

JOHN: yeah.

JOHN: you have a funny and snappy way of talking, like dave.

JOHN: but unlike that knucklehead, i sense that behind all your jokes, you are probably some kind of brainiac, like rose.

ROXY: whow

JOHN: don't get me wrong, i meant knucklehead in a good way.

JOHN: dave is actually the best dude, you would like him.

ROXY: i bet you are correct

ROXY: so dave...

ROXY: hes uhhhhhh

ROXY: my son right??

JOHN: argh!

ROXY: !

JOHN: i mean. yes, pretty much.

JOHN: honestly, it gets weird to think about all our relations in that way sometimes.

ROXY: i getcha

ROXY: like when i think about u and wolfjade being the kids of jane and jake i...

ROXY: i...

ROXY: omfg

ROXY: that SO CUTE :3

JOHN: um.

ROXY: so what is it u thinks weird about dave being my son?

JOHN: i think we should just change the subject!

ROXY: ahaha alright

ROXY: what were we talking about again

JOHN: we were talking about blank skies and fort blocks and such.

ROXY: oh yis

JOHN: and you thought you should know more about things like that as a void hero...

JOHN: which reminds me.

JOHN: do you think you are any closer to making that alien egg?

ROXY: hmn

JOHN: i mean, after seeing nix.

JOHN: did you feel, like, a power boost or anything?

ROXY: a power boost???

ROXY: like mega man or

JOHN: no, not like mega man.

JOHN: i mean, like...

ROXY: youre askin if she taught me to do the voidey thing

JOHN: well, did she?

ROXY: naw dude

ROXY: i told you

ROXY: we did our chat in some horseshit elven baloney tongue

ROXY: and she just told me to come here

ROXY: like thats literally it

ROXY: "go to planet if u want to live"

ROXY: so i did

ROXY: there wasnt really any soul searching or gettin in touch with my inner miracles

JOHN: oh.

JOHN: well that's kind of a bummer.

JOHN: i hope you weren't shortchanged out of an important mystical and spiritual process of self discovery.

ROXY: pfffahahaha

JOHN: ?

ROXY: pfhehehehehehehehe

JOHN: what?

ROXY: sorry its just

ROXY: sometimes you sound so much like jake its rly quite uncanny

ROXY: but yeah i dont care about that really

ROXY: it was either take an uneventful and nonspiritual trip to a wind planet, or just stop existing altogether

ROXY: i think ill be fine without the self discovery part

JOHN: yeah.

JOHN: or...

JOHN: wait.

JOHN: what if this was part of it?

ROXY: part of what

JOHN: your quest?

JOHN: like, to be here, and learn to use your powers better?

JOHN: we are kind of in a realm of literal nothingness right now.

JOHN: maybe you will be able to draw energy or inspiration from the void, or whatever?

ROXY: NIX.......

ROXY: why u sly old bitch

JOHN: does that make sense?

ROXY: it kind of does

ROXY: it kind of LOADS of does

JOHN: oh, sweet!

JOHN: i was just grasping at straws there, but now that you agree, i'm suddenly a lot more confident in my theory.

ROXY: heheh yeah (...jake)

JOHN: so why don't you try it out again?

ROXY: what

ROXY: the egg?

ROXY: like right now?

JOHN: sure?

ROXY: meh tbh im a bit sick of tryin to summon that ugly damn egg

ROXY: how about later??

ROXY: i would rather just keep bee essing with u for a while rather than get right down to freakin business

JOHN: i guess there's really no hurry.

JOHN: not in this place at least.

JOHN: i don't think this place has any bearing on other time lines.

JOHN: it's almost like...

JOHN: like taking a time out from our canonical lives.

JOHN: so if you wanted, you could take as much time to practice here as you need.

ROXY: im down as heck with that

ROXY: could use a breather from my canonical life

JOHN: me too.

JOHN: even though...

JOHN: i'm not sure i have one anymore?

ROXY: hmm

ROXY: well since we already talked about MY quest...

ROXY: and like spiritual mega man style power boosts and all

ROXY: what about yours

ROXY: howd that go

JOHN: how'd it go?

JOHN: pretty well, i'd say.

ROXY: no but

ROXY: i know you blew away some clouds and blanked out the sky and all

ROXY: but the point was so you could learn to control your zappy powers

ROXY: did you?

JOHN: i think so.

JOHN: but i haven't really tried a controlled jump yet.

ROXY: i c

ROXY: well when you do

ROXY: where do you think youll jump to first

JOHN: i have no idea.

JOHN: the thought of changing the time line is still mind boggling to me.

ROXY: well if nothin else

ROXY: u really should go grab that ring

ROXY: before the smug troll can take it

ROXY: i mean there was lots of problems already but her comin back to life really fucked us over to the shittiest max possible

JOHN: that's right!

JOHN: i definitely wanted to go back and get the ring off my couch before i lost it.

JOHN: at the very least, that way you can use it to help your friend.

ROXY: yup!

ROXY: any other ideas?

JOHN: not yet.

JOHN: so much has happened, it's hard to even think about.

JOHN: and it's not even limited to what i've been through, either.

JOHN: i've seen a lot of other crazy stuff, just from my random jumps.

ROXY: like what

JOHN: like...

JOHN: like the last place i was, actually.

JOHN: just before i came back, to find your session in ruins.

JOHN: haha. i actually got into a pretty serious fight.

ROXY: o?

JOHN: with this guy.

JOHN: a skull kid.

JOHN: he's a huge asshole, and a horrible artist.

ROXY: u saw the skull kids drawins?

JOHN: unfortunately.

JOHN: in fact, i was in his drawings once.

JOHN: it was a true nightmare come to life.

ROXY: D:

JOHN: i am pretty much convinced he is the guy behind all of the problems we ever had, even though he is a complete ignoramus.

ROXY: then you mean

ROXY: it was callies bro

JOHN: yeah, probably.

JOHN: i have a feeling some day we will all have to take him down.

JOHN: but...

JOHN: probably when he grows up to be his adult self.

JOHN: when i beat him up, he was just a teen scamp, like us.

JOHN: but with a skull for a head, a robot leg, a cape which i ripped to shreds, and a pair of dumb suspenders.

ROXY: you beat him up????

ROXY: daaamn

ROXY: yall must be STRONG

JOHN: meh, not particularly.

JOHN: i was just really angry, and i caught him off guard drawing some shitty animes.

ROXY: ahahahahaha

ROXY: fuck his animes

JOHN: they were quite literally the worst animes i have ever seen.

JOHN: i hope i hurt his drawing hand, and he never does any more ugly art for the rest of his stupid immortal skull monster life.

ROXY: yeah

ROXY: i know that guy

ROXY: he used to troll my friends all the time

ROXY: wait no

ROXY: used to "jeer" us

ROXY: he was a tool

JOHN: hmm, it just occurred to me...

JOHN: aside from fixing the time line, there's another benefit to my new power.

JOHN: once we all decide we're ready to fight him, i can just zap us all right to him.

JOHN: we could take him by surprise again.

JOHN: i really doubt he'd be able to handle us if we all clobbered him at once!

ROXY: thats pretty good thinkin

ROXY: but um

ROXY: maybe were getting ahead of ourselves here

ROXY: makin plans 4 rumble royale with mangaka dudebro, lord of the shitwanks

ROXY: we should probably focus on bringing our loved ones back to life first

JOHN: ...

[mistresspandora-archive]

Yes, I Really Do Struggle to Write Smut

And yet I write a LOT of it. And, generally speaking, the finished product doesn’t suck, personal preferences and *ahem* cursed ships notwithstanding. 

I’ll say stuff like this, that smut is the most difficult thing to write for me, and inevitably some lovely person who really enjoys reading said smut (ily btw) thinks I’m full of shit because I write so damn much of it (clearly, I’m a masochist). Either that, or they assure me I’m insane because it’s actually really scrumptious trash and I’m being hard on myself (and ily2).

And now that I’ve sat down and thought about, I think I’ve come up with some theories about why smut is so (sorry) hard for me. I also want to be a better writer, and sometimes I find that writing out my strategy for pushing through the slumps (because a sex scene inevitably turns into a slump.... unless I’m hammered and writing about Hal getting pegged, apparently....)

So, What’s the Problem? Roughly 87% of the fic I’ve posted since I ended my writing hiatus last year (52 out of 61 stories) has included enough sexual content to warrant an E or M rating. In the course of writing almost every single one of them (usually about the time characters start getting nekkid) I declare I hate the story, I hate the premise, I just want it DONE and POSTED and I never want to look at it again. 

This inevitably does not stick, of course.

Why Does Every Word Feel Like Pulling Teeth? Probably because I’m trying to do too much all at once. I have a mental checklist as I’m writing, and in sex scenes, the nice orderly list gets all jumbled up. 

What’s In That Checklist? For any scene of narration (characters talking and/or doing whatever, except for fighting), the checklist looks something like:

Sensory details 

Setting (where tf are we)

Characterization/character tags (Jamie’s stag-red hair and expressive humming, John’s finely-boned face)

Emote, goddamn it (internally)

Dialogue (push the story, emote externally--or friggin don’t, if it’s Jamie/John and their heads are still in their asses)

Action verbs (move the puppets)

Move everything toward the goal for the scene

For a sex scene, it’s more like this:

Sensory details

Setting

Characterization

Emote, for God’s sake

Dialogue (but don’t be too chatty, unless this is a dirty talk thing. But damn, stop saying “fuck” and “harder” so much)

Sensory details

Action verbs (but make ‘em sexy)

Pacing (should be rhythmic, alternating the short and long sentences)

Loaded word sounds (S’s and L’s)

Maintain the balance between Insert Tab A into Slot B and Don’t actually use any words that mean penis.

Kindly put the adverbs away.

Oh my god, where are their hands????

How did we work through consent? Does the level of enthusiasm (or dubiousness) fit the theme and tone overall?

Sensory details (If you say his skin is heated one more time, he’s going to need a doctor’s note for this)

Is this position physically possible? (spend ten minutes in vivid visualization, only to determine it’s close enough. Do NOT open an incognito browser and research, JHRC)

Describe a light source or stop using his eyes.

What’s the lubrication situation and did we remember to communicate it? (The oil, the oil specifically for sex, the sex oil)

Wait, scroll back up, did I remember all their clothes? I feel like I missed a waistcoat somewhere...

Don’t draw it out too much (boring), but let’s not have them blowing their load like immediately, sheesh (it may be John’s erection, but my name’s on it.... you know what I meant, stop giggling)

Write around the orgasm (like writing around the pain or drawing around the egg)

You forgot the post-coital pillow talk again, dummy

You left out three senses. They also have noses, taste buds, and ears. Yeah, definitely include all three in one sentence, good job 🙄

Oh Shit. Okay, So What’s the Plan? In short... I know going into the scene that I’m going to go through it at least two or three times (four or five if it’s one I’m really struggling with) before I even get to line editing.

Five passes through a sex scene look something like:

Insert Tab A into Slot B. Get down the bare bones of the bare boning going down. Actions, verbs, basic dialogue. Physical positioning happens here. Pose the nekkid action figures.

Emotions, more sensory details, where did the sex oil come from, Pan. Do we have consent??

Setting, external stimuli, that pesky light source, the weather (if it’s relevant). 

Language and pacing: Okay, now make it pretty. Bust out that thesaurus. Shorten some sentences, lengthen some others. Remove filter words to keep the reader deep in the POV character’s head.

Final pass: does it flow? Does it fit the story? Did I accomplish my goal?

For a one-shot, I usually combine some steps, so it’s like, step 1, steps 2 & 3 together, steps 4 & 5 together. Unless I’m wasted and writing about pegging Hal. We let that one stay flash fic (love you @derpandabar lol).

Part of my struggle too is that I’ve spent however-long in the build up, working on the emotional side of the characters, that all I’m thinking about is the feelingsssss and not how to position the nekkid action figures. So when I get to that part, I suddenly forget how sex works 👉🏻👌🏻 ⁉

What the Hell Was the Point of All This? I’ve got to be really fucking honest with you... I am legitimately procrastinating a sex scene by writing this stupid post. It’s next up to write in my WIP and I’ve been avoiding it for days. I cannot make this crap up.

I also have never written this stuff out before like this. I’ve thought about it here and there, but seeing it written out makes it feel more manageable (which hopefully means more efficiently-written smut scenes 😉).

And since I went to the trouble to write it all out, I’ll scream it into the void. Maybe someone will find it interesting, perhaps helpful... more likely, if you’ve read this much, you’re ready to diagnose me with something (valid).

But also to make this point: Just because some aspect of writing is challenging, doesn’t mean you can’t do it, and it doesn’t mean that you aren’t doing it well. 

Shit. Guess I need to go (ahem) hammer (sorry) out that sex scene now.

[the-acid-pear]

Scarface was too fucking boring, didn't make it past chapter 3, but that's good, because that means Baki-Dou time 😍

Time to read the fourth book in this series! Excited to see Musashi <3

Chapter 1

COLORS

Baki please stop flexing

A FELLA SAYING THE SAME I SAID WHEN YUJIRO PULLED HIS SOB STORY, FR GO TRY SOMETHING ELSE! What happened with that whole "i don't care about fighting" eh Baki?!

Chapter 2

HOHO ALI JR???

ah no :/

HOLY FUCK is this quality bad!

He wants to taste defeat i see

TOKUGAWA PLEASE STOP SMOKING

Oh they removed the... Egg in the back of the neck, nice

God this guy's tits so fat 🥵

FINALLYYY HOW LONG SINCE WE SAW A FIGHT IN THE ARENA? A PROPER FIGHT I MEAN

Chapter 3

He doesn't even know 🐍

DON'T BRING THAT FELLA HERE RETSU KICKED HIS ASS IN TIME. RECORD

Oh i saw fanart of this scene

Baki, it's your fault that you are bored, you fucking teen

This shit boring ME

Chapter 4

Oh, goroukou is a title

I like how the prime minister is becoming a recurrent character

I thought he said babe for a sec-

That little "oh~" is a bit sus, are the old men... No, it can't be 😳😳😳

I'm fucking choking fuck

GOD ALMOST READ THAT AS JOHN CENA 😭

"yes <3"

These ppl never learn

Chapter 5

What a way to go, a la gamzee /j

This dude so weird lmao

FAHDGAHDH king

Dude he has huge round eyes tf you talking bout?

IGDUFSUEASEUURSS he's such a freakkk 😭😭😭

This is the most wtf thing Baki has pulled, remember when this was about fighters fighting? I don't know enough about science for this shit either man

Okay so their hug wasn't Tokugawa being touchy like he is, this guy is even worse, se juntaron el hambre y las ganas de comer HSHAFSFG

Chapter 6

Baki's dead

Katsumi about to kill get killed by my grandpa i see

ALSO KATSUMI OG HAIR WOOO

Katsumi bro don't be so happy over nearly killing him-

I love seeing him get better tho

Uwaadgsgsjdga 😍😳🤤 twisting my hair irl,,, 🥴

Finally Motobe remembered he was a character here 😐

FSGSHDAHDA KOSHO PLS

I LOVE that they got dark lips again

IM SORRY GOUKI HOW DO YOU KNOW SO MUCH ABOUT EVERYONE?! LTDKFsjyrd 😭

Jack's scar looks cool ngl

Retsu living the good life lmao

AND HOW DO YOU KNOW, GRANDPA?

Hana just doesn't care, smartest Baki character lmao

Idk what they talking bout but good for em <3

Cum basement

Chapter 7

SHOW US MUSASHI'S COCK

Obsessed he thought his heart was failing 😭

Dude you can just hear the heart beat of your friends/opponents just like that? 🤨

Notice Gaia in the top left 🥴

WHY CAN HE RECOGNIZE EACH OF THEIR HEARTBEATS AAHSGA

Thick 🥵

Unironically built different

Chronic back pain if you ask me, that's how I stand to relieve my agony

Did. Did you just call him a femb-

STOP SHOWING ME PANELS FROM VAGAMOND

I love John sm lmao

Mr Musashi has 2 (3?) dads

Chapter 8

HAIRY LEGS 🥴

Those things look like boobs

Bet you would know eh SHAFADB

They jerked off the mummy?

Reminds me of eye surgery

AFjshAFDGAJAHAF

Mf came out the tube ripped af 😭

Chapter 9

Everyone is so feminine lately good ol Kureha fell behind 😭

I like his bandana tho it's cute

OH HE TOO? AND HE'S NOT EVEN THAT STRONG

Fat tits 🥴

Eheojeudkshs 😖😳👉👈

JACK STOP YOU ARE BIG ENOUGH ALREADY

HOLY FUCK

You know like i understand Baki, he is at the highest he can be rn, NO ONE can defeat him, but the rest? Like c'mon y'all just beat each other up or something

Ah, the miracle of birth 😍

Chapter 10

I love how all these two do is hang out together in bars, boybosses

TF IS UP WITH THAT ICE? AHDHS

I love what they have

Hana thinking of getting his 4 limbs broken again i see

WOOO!! Nice cock Mr Musashi 😳

HANAYAMA PLEASE 😐

Chapter 11

I love those freaks

I just now I'm seeing the little scars on his cheeks from the fight with Spec ☺️

I love the fact that Musashi has hair in his legs BUT not his arms like ??? Okay king

Heated scientist moment

HOHO POGGERS 👀

Chapter 12

UTSURAARSDFAFA sibling goals

GIRLBOSS 😍

URAURUSYRSAESGA IN LOVE???

Holy shit she's amazing

Chapter 13

And his ass is very thick too 😳

Those fucking sunglasses, obsessed

Debatable, he got struck by lightning :/

HE WAXES HIS HAIR? OMFG OBSESSED

WHY IS HE WEARING THAT LMAO 😭

Nooo they censored the cock again 😔😔😔

DO IT QWEEN 💅

STOP SAYING SHE'S GONNA FUCK THE CLONE

"I'm exciteddddd" "ok."

Chapter 14

You just hate seeing a girlboss win

She truly is amaizing

Also i just realized spirits have been showing up since the first book so this isn't so crazy lol

MF HOW IS THAT GONNA HELP 😭😭😭

THE LITTLE BUBBLES AND SPARKLES... I BET HE DID 🥺

Chapter 15

WHY ARE HIS TITS SO ROUND AND FAT GODDAMN IT,,, 😳😖

Glad seeing some things never change

He looks so much like Jun

IGSITSURAURZES EPICCC

Someone question if Yujiro knew how too write obsessed,,,

Chapter 16

Goddamn it you got even older in the past 3 or so chapters bro

Mouth to mouth soul transference

OHHH

HIS EYEBROWS FELL HOW IGDUTSITDIYDIGD

Some mf got turned on by this HELP 😭

Chapter 17

I love how Yujiro and Hana are still getting ready to throw hands while this happens lol

Okay yeah that was super disrespectful honestly, guy is having a chat :/

HAHAGSJAHA obsessed

God i thought it was Hana the one grabbing some random lady for a second AFDJSJSSJS

He cute af ngl

POOR GUY MUST BE SO CONFUSED OMFG,,,

Fsr I'm surprised he can talk, like it should be obvious but in all the fanart i saw he never said a word, also, he's so damn respectful 😍

Chapter 18

Idk he was never that clever /hj

Hehehe blood

I love how John can only sit that way

The size of his balls lmao

Coward won't even fight with his dick out smh :/

God he mad cute-

Chapter 19

I MISS THE DEATH ROW FELLAS FUCKKK

Hm i think this random tiny bald man is not Tokugawa but someone that looks awfully similar to him

YEAH NO SHIT I FEEL SO BAD FOR HIM, HE MUST BE SO DAMN OVERWHELMED

Apparently there was a cameo, i don't know enough about anime to know or care

Chapter 20

He's tripping balls

Tokugawa should have gone a bit slower with this poor guy, this is like a lot to process at once <:/

Nvm he's doing better than me

Oydirsusefs look at himmm

WAIT A FUCKING SECOND OMFG DIDN'T DOPPO FIGHT THIS GUY?!

SOMEONE ELSE RECOGNIZED HIM HE ISSS

Chapter 21

OHDIRAYEASURRSUURS HE DOESN'T KNOWWW FFS

Musashi be like °_°

LOOK AT THAT SMILE LMAO

He's just chilling, mentally killing this dude

Murder baby

Chapter 21

The way his eyes are drawn is so cool

YRAURSUFSIDTGA

And he jokes too! Wow I'm in love 😍

(nsfw) CAN YOU HANDLE DICK LIKE THAT TOO? 😍

WOW

I TAKE BACK THAT QUESTION

I remember a show where you would bring your own knives and swords and go thru a bunch of test, Musashi should have been one of them

Mf truly is like :]

I love how he didn't buy it

I can't wait for him to fight Yujiro 😍

Chapter 23

He truly is 😌

ATFJAIDQYSF OBSESSED

He was happy this time at least, 5 times he lost already btw

Tokugawa truly in unhateable lmao

Chapter 24

IM SORRY, HIS LEG???

Oh I forgot Musashi does that

JAGSKSGSKSGS HIS FUCKING FACE I CAN'T 😭

I miss when translators would add notes i don't want to google shit myself :/

"I'm hard as rock" /j

Chapter 25

Look how happy he issss

MUSASHI POG MUSASHI POG-

I love how Tokugawa can't believe he got it first try and it's trying to lie now sjdakdyv

This mf is actually making me insane what the actual fuck i don't know what he has but he's gonna make me act up 😳

Mf be shadow boxing too dammit /j

Baki please

Chapter 26

OLD MAN JUST WANTS A PUBLIC TO SEE THIS LMAO

Look at the size of Baki's eyes holy fuck lmao

He's gonna yeet him!

OH NOOOO

FIRST HIS DAD NOW MUSASHI, THIS GUY CANT CATCH A BREAK LMAO

Chapter 27

How little time passed? They have barely moved

Yeah you did it last book too Baki

King shit

Chapter 28

AKSGSKGSJSGS KING

I love how he only now realized

Okay no he has a point

I love how he just calls him boy

Look at that smug face

I trust Musashi but at the same time he, really should be walking around this new world alone. Now, if i were to accompany him... 🥴/j

Baki please

Chapter 29

I love how soft the artstyle suddenly got, like if done big a big brush

Yujiro you just insulted every single anime character in history

Baby Baki's just like "Ok."

I like how Yujiro looks here

AUGHHJF HE'S SO BABY 🥺

HOHO badass

Chapter 30

He died 😔

Idiot hasn't even beat he 0.5 reaction seconds lmao 🤣

HOHOOOOO?!? 👁️👁️

"my curiosity exceed my fear!!" I RESPECT THIS MAN SO MUCH??

Chapter 31

AMAIZING HONESTLY

Fighter to fighter communication

SHIT LOOK AT THE STATE OF THAT HAND

He's just gone now LMAO

I honestly don't mind Baki being weak against this, he never fought against a two handed swordman, this is new territory

Chapter 32

Oh his really tripping balls now this is why he shouldn't be alone

NVM HE'S STILL DOING BETTER THAN ME ON A DAILY BASIS, I HAVE A LOT TO LEARN FROM THIS MAN

I just now realized he's barefoot

Nice ass king

The policemen are quite nice

He's very cooperative but i can't blame the cops either

Chapter 33

Yeah no shit that must be so insane

IF YOU HADN'T DROPPED OFF SCHOOL THEN...

That's kinda funny but idk man he's right i think

He's just like :3

I love how he isn't picking up a fight out of malice but rather just instinct like, he can't understand shit that is going on

YOU ARE SO RIGHT BAKI IT ISN'T BORING FOR ME EITHER

Chapter 34

Don't you fucking dare shave him Itagaki

It's funny how it took 2 books and a half for Baki to start being a protagonist

Holy fuck did Baki add height or is Miyamoto that big?

Wow how perfect i ran out of space just now!! Having fun with this book ngl :]

[coll2mitts]

Super Mario Bros. (1993)

Thanks to the awesome people who donated to Extra Life (you still can, btw!)  y'all will now be treated to a retrospective on the 1993 classic movie, Super Mario Bros.  When I took on this milestone, the first (and only) person I messaged for ideas on terrible (but wonderful) films based on video games was my friend Max, who has a history of viewing and talking about bad movies.  He suggested this, and while I was aware of this magnificent piece of cinema history, I had not had the pleasure of viewing it myself.  He hooked me up with a copy, and to say this film lived up to my expectations would be an understatement.

I couldn’t help but be charmed by this movie.  It is filled with so many questionable creative choices that were fucking ridiculous.  Mario and Luigi not being blood related?  Sure.  Cheesy Italian accents replaced with a New York ones?  Yeah, why not?  Having all the enemies in Super Mario Bros. be canonically dinosaurs?  I mean... It's a choice informed by the great media dino wave of 1993, but whatever.  Yoshi is a dinosaur, if we want to extend that to goombas and Koopa for whatever reason, I'm down.  Having these dinosaurs live underneath New York City in a parallel dimension?  It's based on a video game, why the fuck not?  Everything is so goddamn bonkers.

The opening credits roll, and we’re told that 65 million years ago, a meteor created said underground parallel universe dinosaur land.  We witness a human-looking woman, who is really a dinosaur, leaving an egg baby on a church doorstep.  Don’t think about it too hard, the logistics of a human giving birth to an egg that size are just... it’s gross to think about.

We’re then introduced to the titular characters, Mario Mario and Luigi Mario.  Yes, their last names are Mario.  Making them the Mario brothers.  Because this movie is interested in answering the important questions.  Mario is the owner of a failing plumbing business, while Luigi is a conspiracy theorist who would have really enjoyed modern-day YouTube.

While they’re out trying to find work, they run into Miss Amy March herself, Daisy, who is an archeologist in charge of digging up dinosaur bones from a New York City construction site.  She’s being forced off the property by the mob, who apparently are annoyed that a blonde lady in cargo shorts is coming between them and whatever the fuck they’re building.  

They try and intimidate her, she storms off to use a payphone to call for security, and is almost picked up by two inconspicuous bozos in a cab who apparently are stealing Brooklyn women off the street for no reason.  Their plan is quickly thwarted by a random moving pane of glass.

Instead, Daisy runs right into Luigi, who forgets how to human once he sees her pretty face.  He asks her on a date, where she reveals even more exposition.  She believes the meteor that destroyed the dinosaurs landed in New York City.  Oh, and also, she’s the abandoned egg baby.  Luigi is also an orphan, and this shared trauma apparently gets them both hot and bothered.  They wander off to the dig site, because an underground pit attached to a sewer is so romantic, and it is also where Daisy feels the most comfortable.

What if we made out at the bone pit?

Their touching moment is cut short when the mob sabotages the plumbing in the sewer and water starts flooding the area.  They run to get Mario, because he is a plumber, to fix the pipes, which is so fucking clutch, I love it so much.

While the Mario brothers are distracted, Daisy is captured by the weirdo twins and dragged into the alternate dinosaur universe.  Mario and Luigi follow, and we’re treated to the most fucking amazing transition scene of Bob Hoskins spinning wildly through colorful rocks.

Turns out, parallel dinosaur world, or Dinohattan, is fucking lit as hell.  I am convinced that Futurama based their sewer city on this movie.

King Koopa, who is a dinosaur with badly bleached hair gelled back in an effort to look like Michael Douglas in Wall Street, has taken over Dinohattan.  He is the one who asked the goons to kidnap Daisy, because of the tacky crystal necklace she wears.  Apparently, it is a piece of the meteorite that crashed into earth, and once he puts the piece back into the original space rock, the dinosaur world will merge with the mammal world after 65 million years of his people being sequestered underground, and Koopa will have endless resources at his disposal.  Also, Daisy is a princess, and her dad is a giant fungus taking over the city, so that’s totally normal and not at all weird.

Problem is, the two idiots he sent to grab her didn’t think to check if she was wearing the necklace.  Turns out, Luigi has the necklace, or had the necklace, as they are quickly mugged by a granny, who is then robbed by a lady with a bright red spiky latex coat and springy robot feet.  The brothers are then arrested by the dinocops and are grilled by Koopa for the whereabouts of the rock.  When they play dumb he uh... reacts in a proportionate way.

I am not even going to attempt to explain the devo process...  It is a combination of insane and fucking disgusting.  Whoever in the costuming department looked at the cute fucking mushroom Goombas in the video game and decided to translate them into this scaly, jagged-teethed nightmare fuel deserves to be committed.

Also, there’s only one lizard king, and that’s Jim Morrison, so back off, buddy.

What is hilarious to me is this is the story the screenwriters came up with.  Super Mario, as a video game, doesn’t have much lore, right?  You slide down pipes, you jump on mushrooms, and you save the princess from a spiky turtle.  They took that game and created... This.  A parallel underground dinosaur universe that has a sentient fungus as a king, taken over by a human-like t-rex that devolves other lizards into tiny-headed night paralysis demons.

The middle of this movie alternates between a slog of expositional scenes about Daisy being a princess, and pretty entertaining action scenes of the Mario brothers running from Goombas while trying to find and save Daisy.  Mario and Luigi steal a cop car and drive it off a cliff Thelma and Louise-style; They cosplay as Ketchup and Mustard to steal the necklace back from Big Burtha while asking her to stomp on them; They jump off a bridge into a garbage truck; They break the pipes in Koopa’s building to freeze everything, and get past an elevator full of Goombas by making them dance.

Watching Daisy damsel-in-distress-it in Koopa’s high rise office building and fend off advances by a long-tongued dude who devolved her father into a mushroom was pretty boring and disturbing.  Alternatively, witnessing Bob Hoskins and John Leguizamo pretend to jump on giant sheets of fungus really sold this movie for me.  It succeeds when it tries to be ridiculous and fun, and fall flat when it attempts to integrate any sort of drama that I’m assuming was added to make this story more appealing to adults.

Mario and Luigi eventually find Daisy, and she introduces them to her father - a giant dripping blob suspended from the ceiling.  Luigi wants in her pants badly enough that he pretends this is a reasonable thing to do.  Mario heads further into the building to free the other ladies kidnapped by tweedle dee and tweedle dum that they initially thought were Daisy, but weren’t.  The newly assembled group are able to escape by sliding down the frozen pipes on a mattress before they are green-screen launched out of the pipe and back into the greater Dinohattan area.

The amount of times Mario and Luigi use their plumbing skills to overcome obstacles may be my favorite part of this movie.  The plot goes out of its way to justify a really bizarre character trait for the original game.

Anyway, the end of this movie comes at you fast.  First, the sentient fungus king gives Mario and Luigi a bomb, and they decide to wind it up and aim it at Koopa.  This takes about 10 minutes of screen time to matter again.

Koopa’s second-in-command tries to merge Daisy’s stolen necklace with the meteor, and instead gets skeletoned to bits, prompting the best line delivery reaction from Daisy, a deadpan “Yikes”.

Because the necklace has now been returned to its resting place, the worlds start to merge Infinity War style.

“Mr. Koopa, I don’t feel so good.”

Koopa and Mario end up back in Manhattan, and Koopa just starts shooting his devo guns at human mobsters, turning them back into primates, and giving their wardrobe a whole new literal definition of monkey suit.

Luigi uses his super plumbing powers to drill the necklace back out of the meteor, separating the worlds again.  The bomb finally goes off, they devo Koopa into slime, and the citizens celebrate by immediately painting over his ever-prevalent propaganda.

The king evolves back into a mushroom person or something, and Daisy stays in Dinohattan to get to know her father better.  Mario and Luigi return to their lives in Brooklyn as plumbers, and their heroic acts make them conspiracy community famous, as they now refer to our heroes as the Super Mario Brothers.  Roll Credits.

Except not, because Daisy returns to ask for the help of a couple of great plumbers, setting up a sequel that will never, ever happen because there is no god and we’re not allowed to feel joy.

Honestly, Super Mario Bros. is great.  It owned every bold plot and visual choice it made, and I have to respect it.  I could listen to John Leguizamo say Mario like 700 more times.  Y’all are missing out if you think you’re too cool to watch this movie.

I’ll be back to musical reviews later this month.  I have a few seasonally appropriate movies in my big red sack waiting to be placed under the tree...  Yes, I meant to phrase it that way.

[macklives]

homestuck recap

i hated this so fucking much bc my 2 am bitch-ass didnt want to read a recap thats probably longer than any slowburn out there

anyways here it is

also, uhhH sorry im using this as a end of session discussion bc that shit gets explained in her as well. and im not writing up more recaps of a recap so this is where im done for the day. (by done for the day i mean last nights session, im still doing a liveblog soon. i just wrote this yesterday)

also that this is long

you dont have to read it, theres nothing of importance

ive been coping with humor to get me through it

neato.

have fun with what i suffered through:

why was “beta” the only thing unhighlighted?

like did i miss a page???

OH its the beta version of HS thats why

damn its like 5 pages and thats it

mmh

well youll all be happy to know im clicking every single one of these links again bc i like looking back like ahh i remember that. good times. also in case i forgot some shit existed.

do you think andrew had fun writing this? or was he like “fuck”

thats a lot of fucking package talk. good thing im not confused as of now and remember it pretty clearly. of else, this early on in the recap, id be screwed.

god remember when i did an analysis on each item and what it did

i feel as if i have the technology engrained inside my head right now

cruxite, alchemeter, all that jazz

flashbacks are starting up already

yeah, that was the good part in homestuck where i knew 100% that i probably would continue on this liveblog in its entirety, ngl

that one explosion scene. bc it kept me going.

OH W A IT SHIT

i just realized how the intermission spades probably fucking foreshadowed the whole jack revolts thing and gains the ring, which was also technically JOHNS fault considering he slashed up the doll in the first place

my god, i guess thats the only good aspect of the recap. looking back at things and realizing the missing pieces.

oh that makes sense for the whole “this prototyping had no effect on the enemies, since he was already in the medium” i didnt actually think about that

little did rose know where that would get her right now

oh yeah

there’s still the whole entire lab terminal thing and how mom basically knows the place exists. i guess we’re still venturing onto that and itll come up later when we find out how mom knows SO MUCH about the game.

still think shes some weird spy or secret agent

i kinda love her ngl

anyways, theres literally no reason for skaia to produce a cloning machine. so technically, they only sent the meteors in, right? so who put the cloning machine in if not mom?

oh yeah that impact was nerve wrecking asf

and still at this point in the comic i called dave fuckboy red

huh, how times change

i hated reading that whole paragraph ngl, the frustration just kicked me in the boobs again

yeah nobody else got tornadoes, huh?

OH that makes also much more sense

bc she did prototyped them before she entered the medium.

i gotcha

man one of my favorite edits i made, rose hitting that meteor with a bat

are you

telling me

the exiles structures they arrived on were in the form of the items the kids used to enter the medium?

THE EGG

THAT EXPLAINS “EGG”

of course it was 413 years ago. that was never explained. simply vague “many years in the future....” but i expected no less from this

man serenity is the most wholesome character in hs no doubt

damn thought andy here was really gonna spoil us jade’s planet

okay cool, im glad i now have the layout to the whole “their stations went to the coordinates of the home button” shindig

man i honestly dont know what else to say besides “yeah cool recap” when i already pretty much know what went down? ofc im looking into each link and shit and adding in things when i see fit, but otherwise its just me going “ah good times” yknow

the whole meteor thing kinda makes sense now?

we’re still missing a few pieces of info but we’re getting there, folks

oh yeah that reveal

god jade and dave have it in the shits for parents huh

bro isnt the best and jade has a fucking dog

who lowkey

is doing better than bro

who knew a fucking dog is a better guardian than bro lmfao

dreambot = terminator. im telling you.

sorry im still on that idea and it will never leave unless i have the actual proof in front of me that its not going to become a thing. meaning, ive finished hs and theres still no terminator dreambot or either andrew himself gives me a canon letter with “the robot is not arnold, mackenzie, pls just let it be”

why is the entire game session highlighted

i swear to god if this is like to a second recap or smth of the whole game session i may fucking CRY

okay thank god its just a design of the skaia layout

which is honestly cool

idk why its blurry tho but i can at least see the layout now. which is honestly how i pictured it anyways.

yeah, john did make a huge impact in his friends’ life and i find that so fucking touching

yep. got that. everything loops around. cool.

especially when the trolls come in. god we havent even gotten to that recap portion yet, we havent even gotten to the INTERMISSION

pls can this be the halfway point to the recap

AT LEAST

so they were exiled after the whole jack: ascend thing, right? considering theyre way in the future. man no fucking wonder.

speaking of jack

man that whole dad and jack interaction was gold, ngl

OH THAT EXPLAINS THE RING THEN

and wow, andrew’s really giving us the best female content huh. andrew is the true god of equality and diversity.

also hey, i didnt realize that wow. so PM tricked the queen in showing the parking ticket to be able to take the present from jack. she’s a smart cookie, that one..

she and PM basically snitched on jack and it was the best thing that has happened to me so far

oh yeah okay

but why did AR panic over bec? bc thats something we havent learned yet, right?

anyways

exile town, the only town which should exist. facts. i dont make the rules.

noice

i love PM being queen. like.. thats canon now. shes an actual queen.

yeah that was a fun game and the consorts were cute

fuck yeah the dick head

hate them even more now that i know john was killed because of them

anyways, i wonder what dick move dave’s denizen did? maybe thats why its filled with lava bc the denizen was like “fuck it. make the land red. kill them all”

UH WHAT

WHAT

OH MY GOD HOW DID I JUST FORGET NANNAS LETTER LIKE THAT LMFAO

THEIR TITLES WERE THERE THE WHOLE TIME!

so i still dont know what they mean but i can gather it has something to do with the game giving them abilities. considering dave is the “knight of time” and he can go back in time. whack.

which means john can either control someones breathing or simply wind. and rose is... like that one girl in the winx club who does the sun shit. bc whenever i think of light powers, i think of stella.

and jade is space. witch of space.

nice

i have no idea what that means ngl

okay finally

we’re at the trolls

maybe this recap will end soon

i remember when i thought they were internet bullies

yesss

someone asked if i basically knew the trolls were on a different veil than the kids, so not presently with them, and i know lol. i was making a joke before btw. jsyk. dont think im incompetent to forget these things when sometimes i choose to forget it so i can add in a joke

it be like that, i annoy many

then again, pls dont assume im trying to say im not incompetent bc im also a fucking dumbass and DO forget shit and i have no excuse

imagine being so bored on the meteor, your last resort is speaking to aliens

ngl me if i was ever trapped on a meteor and could potentially do that

nah ik its bc its their only hope at helping with their session or whatever tf CG said to john. but there was BOUND to be a conference meeting between them like “okay guys. humans. that needs to be sorted out” and you just hear CG screaming in the background

i cant wait to meet them honestly bc im growing on all 4 of the ones we’ve seen already. and on top of that, i know what they look like and i know theyre not THAT bad, just a little on the crayy zee side sometimes

but theyre trying

OH MY GOD

I GET IT

FUCK

DOES THAT MEAN THE INTERMISSION IS *APART* OF THE MAIN FUCKING STORY??

AND SPADES IS WV FOR THE TROLLS

GOD D A M N

wow

i didnt expect that. but maybe the signs were there and i was just willingly choosing to ignore it or smth bc “haha couldnt be, right”

flashbacks to how i thought the trolls were humans

anyways, i guess he got his revenge on the kids version of “snowman” ie the black queen. but really

he did not have to do that. he could have cut off the finger and fled. but he decided “nah, lets implode her” so the loml is dead and all i got was a catchy song

i knew they were different types of “bullies” but now i just have to replace bullies with uhh

trolling strategies

anyways, this is cute. i love how they’ve come to be friends through mutual frustration. good part in the comic.

i wonder why it explodes

more importantly

....

terminator time?

this was my favourite sequences of dialogues in the whole entirety of homestuck. that is to say the back and forth thing that the kids went through to become a sort of wingman for the other.

absolutely gold.

all except AT’s rap.

GC was the only smart one with the linear shit

anyways fuck he still has to kill the denizen now but apparently its hard to beat for a sleeping dick head so

that will be fun for the future

john will probably need to kill A LOT of imps to get there

yeah rose is a badass bc she slayed that thing with needles of all things

OH and the white queen was the cursive

damn did AR ever do the whole guide process to a kid yet? maybe he will with dave, idk

oHHH

i fucking SEE

thats why he said DNA

to use it and replace all the life forms in the ocean

fucking neat wow

man that sounded sarcastic but im genuinely impressed bc all i got was bullshit as i read jaspersprites log

so thats the secret. it was “meow” bc that somehow translates to the genetic code she needs then. and that code apparently took fucking years to write as well. sick. whack. oh man.

derse is very pretty, ngl

and wow shit

“dave had already been awake in his tower all along without realizing it” how tf does someone just

do that, awake in both places at once

i didnt even fucking realize that fact as i read that pesterlog wow

ah yes, around the time things got confusing

okay so the capsule makes sense bc at first i didnt know it was a fucking time capsule so i got confused as to how it just apparated the game lmfao

the more you know i guess *twinkle*

i find that a neat concept tho

like the whole whatever you prototype affects the imps and shit

yeah so that whole “he had no advice” basically impacted his future

no shit dave wanted to reset things bc he probably thought he caused some sort of bad butterfly effect and killed his best friend

fuck calsprite thats all im gonna say

i read that first sentence and i think i got an aneurysm

and then everything else just made me sad again

i mean good thing he fucking did amirite?

we got pain at first but now we got cool shit like idk

fucking DAVESPRITE

damn idk how that works

will rose have like two minds now? or will this be some steven universe fusion shit?

“and understood their meaning” course well i fucking didnt so could you pls elaborate, rose?

okay but then what the fuck did he use that was inside the fucking box

bc i thought he used his knife?

im only every going to refer him as that now, thank you andrew

alright okay..

god that was a lot

i dont know what will happen once i click on those links but i am going to see that for myself bc i refuse to add ANYTHING ELSE

[shirtlesssammy]

5x18: Point of No Return

Hey-our first request episode! It’s a good one, considering Adam might (?) be coming back this season, and then there’s the whole fathers are shitty theme. Oh, and Dean and Cas are fighting. 

Then:

Remember Adam?

Now:

In an empty bar in Nowhere, USA, Zachariah commiserates with a man about The Man. Then the walls start shaking and the other guy wonders if it’s an earthquake. The place lights up and Zach sullenly admits that it’s his boss. Before you know it, the bartender and other guy’s eyes are burned out and Zach is back in the heavenly business. 

On the alcohol train to Sad Town, Dean packs his only belongings (minus Baby, I guess) in preparation to saying yes to Michael. We say goodbye to the leather jacket (for good --well, I think we see it in Swan Song too, but --like, how crazy is it that there was a fundamental shift in the storytelling of the show when that jacket was stolen after season 5? Would Dean still be wearing it to this day? I would like to think that isn’t true.) He boxes up the jacket, Baby’s keys, his gun, and writes a letter. Oh, and he downs hard liquor straight from the bottle the whole melodramatic time he’s doing this. (Side note: he’s staying at Mike’s Travel Inn which is wonderfully fitting since he plans to become Michael’s own personal travel inn. Wanek!)

For Drama Llama Dean Science:

Sam finds Dean and confirms Dean’s own plans to him. Sam wants Dean to wait on this plan of letting Michael take him. Bobby has a plan. Okay, he doesn’t, but Sam is going to stop him anyway. Dean gets in a good dig about Sam not having demon blood to help him. Sam counters that he still brought help. Before Dean can react, Cas has flapped in and he zaps Dean back to Bobby’s. 

Urgh, those were the days. Sometimes I REALLY miss flying Cas. 

At Bobby’s we have a pissed off Dean, pissed off Cas, pissed off Bobby, and a peacemaker Sam. Bobby calls Dean “son”, and Dean counters that he isn’t Dean’s father. OUCH and a HALF. Bobby then shows Dean the bullet he wants to put through his brain. He doesn’t though because he promised Dean that he’d keep fighting.

Cas is suddenly hit with a massive wave of angel radio goodness and he’s gone. (I just love the editing of when Cas flaps away. Sigh.) 

Cas ends up in a field somewhere. 

For Side-profile Science:

In his attempt to investigate something coming out of the ground, two other angels attack him. He is an effortlessly badass angel though, and dispatches them with 

I’m sorry, what was I saying? 

He pulls someone from the ground and takes him back to Bobby’s. It’s Adam, Sam and Dean’s long lost/dead half-brother. Okay, the dramatic camera zooms and swelling music was just A+ soapy drama there. Cas engraves angel warding on Adam’s ribs and wakes him from his graveyard coma. Adam knows who Sam and Dean are --because the angels warned him about them. He demands to see Zachariah. Wherps. 

They let him clean up, give him some hard liquor, and ask him to tell them his story. He tells them that he was in heaven (or prom to him) and angels interrupt to tell him he’s going to save the world. He’s the archangel Michael’s vessel. Dean thinks that’s insane. Cas points out that Adam is also of John Winchester’s bloodline, and Sam’s brother. Dean forgets he’s with company and propositions Cas. 

Sam tries telling Adam that the angels are lying to him. Adam doesn’t believe him. Sam asks him to give them time to prove they’re right. He tells Adam that “they’re blood” and that’s why they should be trusted. (Dean’s little smile at that...like I get how that’s important to Dean, but also, I love how SO much about this show is how important these bonds are despite there being no blood between this found family.) Adam is appalled. They’re not family. John wasn’t his father (AND can we talk about how fucking jealous Dean was that John actually did things, like baseball games, with Adam, and Adam saw those baseball games as nothing? John wasn’t there for him on a day to day basis and so he wasn’t Adam’s father. Ugh, John was the woooorrsst.) (Dean’s little half-smile about John was also worth watching.) 

Later, Adam tries making an escape but Sam catches him, and sits him down with a beer to discuss John.

Sam thinks Adam was lucky to not have John around all year (Ahem, you didn’t either, Sam…) Adam was alone a lot because his mom worked. He raised himself. Ugh, kinda like you and Dean, right Sam? Then Adam makes a Family Vacation reference and we KNOW he’s related to Dean. Btw, where are Dean and Cas during this convo? 

Dean’s checking out Bobby’s safe room when Sam and Cas show up. Cas silently flirts with Dean. Dean forgets he’s in front of Sam and flirts right back at Cas. These two are killing me this season. They’re in that sweet spot of flirting before it all goes to hell. SIGH.

For the record, I’d like to point out that Cas was making that face at him the whole time they were in the living room with Bobby before Adam showed up. Also, I’d like to point out that both Dean and Cas were missing when Adam tried to escape. 

Dean and Sam talk in private about not letting Adam let Michael in. Sam lets Dean know he’s not letting him do it either. Um, then Dean lists all the people that they’ve “gotten killed”, and I’d like to give a big shout out “Fuck you” to Chuck himself. According to Dean they got everyone killed! He’s “also tired of fighting who he’s supposed to be.” UGGH. Dean tells Sam that he doesn’t think Sam will be able to withstand the devil, so he’s got to be there to fight. Sam walks away.

Upstairs, Cas watches Adam intently as though making sure he won’t sleep walk away. When Sam heads upstairs, totally wrecked, Cas makes his way back down to the basement. (To finish their assignation - right, Boris?) He hears a crash. Dean Bean’s nowhere to be seen in the safe room so Cas opens the door. Dean directs his attention to a cabinet door with a bloody angel banishing sigil on it. BOOM! Cas out.

Dean creeps out of the basement through the cellar hatch. JellyDEAN noooooo!

Sam heads out to track down Dean, leaving Bobby to watch over Adam. In his dreams, Adam chillaxes at a playground when Zachariah smarmily flaps in. Zach tells Adam that he’ll see his mom soon, but first he’s got to figure out how to escape. Zachariah warns Adam about the Winchesters, describing Sam and Dean as dangerously codependent and more interested in saving each other than the world. Which is sorta...valid? “They’re not your family. Understand?”

Outside a bar, a street preacher shouts at random passerby when Dean runs up and asks if he knows who Dean Winchester is. “Dear god, yes,” the preacher replies (for all of us).

The preacher starts to pray to the angels about Dean’s location when Cas zaps him unconscious. 

Cas flips the fuck out. “I rebelled for this?” he shouts as he bashes Dean around in the alley. “I gave everything for you. And this is what you give to me?” 

Dean, always a glutton for punishment, eggs Cas on. Cas should destroy him! Why not? Don’t you know who he is??? He’s Dean Winchester, PROM KING of Self-Loathing High. Cas stops punching out his feelings. His fist uncurls.

He zaps Dean unconscious instead.

Back at Bobby’s house, Adam’s disappeared and Sam is a leeeetle bit stressed out.

Cas flaps in with a majorly roughed up Dean and announces that he was the cause of Dean’s injuries. Hashtag Dangerbird-of-the-Lord. About Adam’s whereabouts, Cas speculates that the angels nabbed him and took him to the Beautiful Room from season four. 

Cue the close-up on baroque art, beer, and burgers. Adam’s enjoying his last meal when Zachariah flaps in to hand him a pink slip. “You’re not so much the ‘chosen one’ as you are a clammy scrap of bait.” 

“Son of a bitch,” Adam mutters, Winchesterily. 

Adam’s starting to realize that Zachariah is a pretty terrible friend. Zachariah reinforces this conclusion by making Adam cough up blood. 

Down in Bobby’s panic room, Dean’s chained to the bed. 

Sam fills Dean in on the situation: Adam’s being held prisoner at a location which is CRAWLING with angels. To Dean’s surprise, Sam unlocks Dean’s manacle. They need him for the fight ahead and Sam has faith that Dean will make the right choice - even if nobody else believes in him. Dean rewards this touching show of faith by swearing up and down that he’ll say yes to Michael at the first chance he gets. DEAN. BEAN. Sam’s faith in Dean is simply derived: “You’re still my big brother.” (*crying noise crying noise*)

Outside the warehouse, Cas flaps in with the Winchesters. 

Dean’s surprised to learn that the Beautiful Room is in Van Nuys, California and not on Jupiter or (bless this boy) in a blade of grass. Cas tells them there are five extremely good warriors inside and he can’t fight them all off. He starts to take off his tie and IS IT GETTING HOT IN HERE?

Cas tells them that he’ll take care of the angels and then they can rescue Adam. Cas BBY. 

Devastating dialogue alert:

Dean: Whoa, wait. You’re gonna take on five angels?

Cas: Yes.

Dean: Isn’t that suicide?

Cas: Maybe it is. But then I won’t have to watch you fail. I’m sorry, Dean. I don’t have the same faith in you that Sam does.

Cas whips out a box cutter. The next scene sees him striding into the warehouse alone. His spidey sense tingles. It’s an angel! Cas kills one of them and then makes his way to the middle of the room. Quicky, he’s surrounded by the other angels. He drops his blade, rips open his shirt, and blasts them and himself away with the angel banishing sigil he carved iNTo hIS sKin. 

Dean and Sam hear the commotion and when Dean heads inside, the coast is clear. Inside the Beautiful Room, Adam’s slumped by the wall. “You came for me,” he mutters, surprised. 

“Yeah, you’re family,” Dean says. But it’s too late for hugs and lollipops, because Zachariah shows up, stroking his metaphorical evil mustache. Zachariah starts bleeding out Adam and Sam while Dean is EXPERIENCING STRONG EMOTIONS. (Boris: When Dean says “Damnit, Zachariah” I only hear “Dean” from The Real Ghostbusters, and realize what a great job he did impersonating a character he had only read about.) 

Dean agrees to say yes. While Zachariah calls down Michael, Dean takes one last look at Sam. Thoughts and feelings flit past like clouds and suddenly Dean arrives at a Realization™. He smiles, then winks at Sam. 

Dean starts issuing his demands before he’ll turn over his body but number one on his list is that Michael destroys Zachariah. 

RECORD SCRATCH

Dean refers to himself as a “sweet ass” which is not wrong, while Zachariah presses close to Dean threateningly, boasting that Michael would never kill him. No worries because Dean’s gonna smite you instead. With Zachariah close, Dean whips up Cas’s dropped angel blade and jams it up into Zachariah’s jaw. 

The room shakes as Michael approaches. Sam, Dean, and Adam make for the door. Sam and Dean escape but the door slams shut in front of Adam. A bright light suffuses him and...that’s it.

Later, they recap in the Impala. Adam and Cas are in the wind but finding them is an issue for another episode. Because right now Sam needs to address Dean’s almost-yes moment. Dean explains his sudden change of mind. “The walls are coming down on us, and I look over to you and all I can think about is, ‘this stupid son of a bitch brought me here.’ I just didn’t want to let you down.” Dean apologizes to Sam for treating him like a kid. “Screw destiny right in the face. I say we take the fight to them, and do it our way.”

Battle brother mode ACTIVATED!

______________________________

Is That a Quote in Your Pocket or are You Just Happy to See Me? 

You know, eight months of turned pages and screwed pooches but tonight, tonight’s when the magic happens.

Blow me, Cas.

We’re working on the power of love. 

Maybe you could take a half a second and stop trying to sacrifice yourself for a change?

You pray too loud.

Watch your tone, boy.

Don’t piss of the nerd angels.

______________________________

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[alltingfinns]

A Scandal in Belgravia

So I’m back on this.

The swoosh on some sped up footage in the previously, don’t remember noticing that.

This episode’s start gets so much funnier if you read some of the fic written between this and the previous episode.

Silly song now becomes more dramatic in TRF.

What did Irene offer Jim to get him so riled up? If it’s the plot plane plan that would explain why Sherlock is needed alive. But his emotional reaction... maybe he’s already been trying to get it on his own. Indicates possibly that Jim has been looking for a way to get to Mycroft.

“You’re typing a lot.”

This montage is nicely done.

Arguing about the blog.

The pouncing on the title.

He’s so hurt. He knows ash!

“We do watch the news.”

“You said boring and switched the channel.”

First time where “people” = John.

And the hat.

“It’s time.” I never thought about the waiting period.

Ehh, Hudson called up to the next floor so John’s room? Boys?

Ha cool, a SAAB. An old one too. I’d guess a 900 model from the early nineties.

Lestrade probably makes these calls a lot.

I get Sherlock’s confusion, he’s just in a sheet it’d make sense for him to be humiliated.

Their silent conversation + John’s acceptance of the absurdity.

That was a pretty long look on Sherlock’s lap and then asking about pants.

The Swedish subtitles on Netflix just referred to John as ”kronans gosse” I love it!

John took the queen liking his blog as a point in their argument.

I always like looking at John during the sheet bit.

Mycroft and John conversing in subtext that you need to remember their original conversation from a whole series/three episodes ago. And people think johnlock is too subtextual.

They made “the woman” a work title clearly to explain why Sherlock would refer to her that way. A bit harder to work in the context from ACD canon. It would be weird if Sherlock in modern times went “a credit to your gender” for defeating him.

Sherlock’s reaction Mycroft’s veiled assertion settles the question, I think. He’s making a “damn, he’s got me there” face. Mainly because John’s presence, if we considers his previous statement. If it were just him and Mycroft he’d just say “just because I haven’t done it doesn’t mean I can’t understand it!”

Btw, in case you think my typing speed is phenomenal I am hitting pause when something gets really interesting to me.

The parallel of checking the pictures have the “obvious” reading of romantic set up. But Sherlock is still learning details of a case he has been given so another reading is that while he’s targeting her she’s targeting him.

My reading is backed up by Sherlock’s immediate demeanor. His interest in her didn’t really appear until he found out she didn’t ask for anything. Blackmailers are a dime a dozen, but someone making a point of threat against the reputation of the BRF without asking for direct compensation? That’s someone with a plan and someone who can give him the kick he feeds of from casework.

John getting the last word in only for Sherlock to get the laterer word in.

Pinching an ashtray from the aforementioned BRF, whom himself mentioned as his first client with a navy, just to make John laugh? Some things are priceless but for everything else there’s MasterCard.

Okay, I had to back up a bit but: I don’t know who’s getting these pictures for Irene, but the last one that makes her smile is focused on John. She sees Sherlock more naked in the pictures where he’s fully clothed in the back of a cab than when he was in just a sheet on the pavement.

More parallels. This is really about their similarities. Could still be considered romantic foreshadowing “they’re made of the same cloth” type.

Ah yes, punch me.

That little dialogue snippet about “punch me” usually being subtext is what got me to first watch this show.

In general I have a lot of issues with how they handled Irene. But I especially don’t think I get the nudity in this scene. It reveals to Sherlock immediately that his ruse was all in vain since she either a) knew he was coming anyway or b) usually greet priests in distress while stark naked and might therefor just be stark raving.

Unflappable John Watson. Oh dear, my flat mate who I just beat up is sitting in front of a naked dominatrix with his vicar collar between her teeth. “I’ve missed something, haven’t I?”

He doesn’t like being a third wheel either. “I had tea too! Just so you know. In case you thought Sherlock got tea at the palace by himself. I was there too. The tea was lovely. Just the right temperature.”

Dammit.

Now I want tea.

Wait wait wait! When did John put his “date” shoes on? Only time it makes sense is when Sherlock was looking through his disguises. (He definitively wouldn’t wear them to traipse around the muddy crime scene.) Maybe they’re part of his “battle uniform”? Also obviously Sherlock can only “deduce” date because he knows what shoes John wears on dates. This isn’t really clothed people are easier to deduce.

How is he not deducing the heck out of her make up and ear piercing? Is it because she’s acting so extraordinary that her indicators become harder to contextualise?

Or is that whole thing just a plot hole?

And her comes her actual opening chess move. Nudity and banter was just setting up the pieces.

“Somebody loves you.” She pressed John’s big red “DO NOT PRESS” button right away. Later she says Jim told her how to play the Holmes brothers, but he definitively gave some pointers on John as well.

There’s something about John’s facial movements when Irene says he knows exactly where to look. Hard to compare with the sheet scene because of the different angles. But yeah, John is bi.

“You do borrow my laptop” with such an angry glare.

Wait are Irene’s shoes those shoes that are expensive because they’re red on the bottom? (I do not care enough to google their names.)

And it’s when John starts to smile that Sherlock does his verbal keysmash. Officially Ben said it was because Irene was paying attention to John instead of him, but she does that a number of times previously and has had quite a moment of getting cosy at John. But up until then John has been a bit standoffish. Of course you can only take so much of a pretty lady flirting with you before your smile reflex gets activated. Also he whips his head immediately at Sherlock in medical concern for his friend and Sherlock can speak clearly again.

Sherlock thinks he knows her game now as he makes his move getting her to confirm that the pictures are in the room.

Imagine the egg on his face if John hadn’t managed the smoke alarm in time.

“Amazing how fire exposes our priorities” should be part of a collection of lines that are only said once but thematically repeated throughout the show.

Some would argue maybe “I really hope you don’t have a baby in there” could be added but I don’t think it could be considered as repeated enough thematically.

Sherlock being his usual demanding self about turning off the fire alarm. The fool! Doesn’t he know how hard fire alarms are to turn off? (Maybe just a problem for me...)

Okay sure, easy enough with a gun, but impractical as a long term solution.

Umm, excuse me why does he go “no disrespect but you were clearly born in the 80s” in an episode from 2012? The most she’d be is 32, so clearly she looks at most like that then. Why would she be insulted by that? Also he earlier called a dude unhealthy, stupid and with bad breath in front of him without clarifying level of respect. So basically he’s needling her by adding that. That’s the most positive spin it can get.

John apologising for not stopping /forewarning about a whole bunch of trained killers sweeping in? That is diehard loyalty.

She’s staring hard at him as fire exposes his priority.

She actually does give him a clue by looking down the moment he looks at her. Never thought of that.

He heard something click wrong, looked at her for additional clue so she looks to the side “get out of the way”.

I love that John’s priority is medically inclined in the action scene, checking the vital signs of the guy that got shot.

“Observant?” “Flattered?” Honestly he shouldn’t be so surprised by the first bit as it was obvious some kind of observation + deduction got Sherlock the code.

As usual Sherlock gives zero fucks about gun safety. I feel John at some point is going to tie him down and lecture him about it. “We do not scratch our heads with the barrel of a gun, and we don’t call for the police by shooting in the air!”

You know if you’re knocking him out cold regardless, you don’t need him to drop the phone first. You just wanted the beating to be literal.

“He’ll be fine. I’ve used it on loads of my friends.” Yeah no, tell the doctor what chemical knockout drug you just put in a former drug addict!!

I wonder how much of dream Adler is actual Adler speaking to a drugged out Sherlock.

Could be nothing with the only real part being “hush now, returning your coat”. Would make sense for a dreaming brain to jumble the two cases together.

Start of series 2 we get to see Sherlock’s bedroom while John’s remain a mystery after 4 series.

John is not on the top of his game this episode. “What woman?”

And so it begins.

Mycroft does not have “shut up Hudson” privilege.

That whole phone noise discussion is punctuated with embarrassment.

Ah the gaping jaw that set the sails for the lestrolly ship.

“Christmas is canceled!” I love when John banters with Sherlock.

Sherlock is mean to Molly, but to be fair she kind of blundered a bit with the others and Sherlock complaining about John being away was clearly something he told in confidence. Telling Greg and John that their loved ones are betraying the trust put in them is general misanthropy, but Sherlock probably feels justified in needling Molly about a crush that he figures none of them know anyway.

Oh John’s look there. Greg clearly knows too what is coming but John has the recognition factor.

“Oh shit. It was me. Still me? She still has a thing for me?”

For a sort of dramatic moment it still has one of John’s absolutely funniest facial journeys. “Wait, you apologised? You know what an apology is? Are you feeling well?”

Obviously Irene’s text signal gets a lot of funny moments, but nothing will beat the timing of this one. And now I am imagining Jim with a pair of binoculars sitting across the street and telling Irene “now, send it now, it’ll be fucking priceless!”

And Greg “wait really?” When you’re not sure what your consultant can do to surprise you next.

I believe I made a post about it earlier but Jeanette’s boyfriend just said he’s been keeping track up till 57 on text messages that his platonic flat mate gets where the signal is a woman moaning.

“Do you ever reply?”

Jeanette starts working on her break up speech about then, I believe.

Molly nervously gulps a drink. Now Molly is everyone’s favorite John mirror. Medical professional with a crush on Sherlock, and whose favored type of outfit involves knitwear. John usually takes a drink at emotionally difficult times. Is this Molly handling her rejection, or showing what John is doing/will do without showing John?

Mycroft. If they passed a new law why would Sherlock know about it before you?

“How did Sherlock recognize her from... not-her-face?”

Mycroft answers with a smile and leaving the room.

“I got plans”

“No” I know you. If it’s a date you’ve probably bungled it already. Regardless if it is or isn’t you’ll still prioritize my brother because you always do.

John really goes for the superconfident strategy when dating, huh? “I always thought I was great.”

“I’ll even walk your dog!”

“I don’t have a dog!”

“No, because that was the last one...”

Always thought you were a great boyfriend, huh?

When even your landlady who got out of her marriage through execution thinks you bungled it, you probably bungled it.

Think I’ll break here and continue the rest of the episode tomorrow.

[kaesaaurelia]

More stuff from my fic about Aziraphale and Crowley in Prohibition-era Chicago!

(Btw, this fic will be called Hustler’s Blood.  I’m not planning to post it as a WIP because I’m hoping it will only be five or six chapters.  Title from Nelson Algren, because Nelson Algren.)

In a few minutes the car arrived, and in a few more minutes they were at the restaurant, which smelled of cinnamon and bacon and diner coffee.

Crowley looked slyly over his menu after they were seated.  "I hear their specialty is apple pancakes."

Aziraphale swatted him over the head with his own menu.  "Stop that, you fiend!"

Crowley flashed him a grin.  "Got to be better than the Dutch baby.  Bet it's not even Dutch."

"Or a baby," said Aziraphale.  "We should complain.  Tea please?" he asked the waitress who was hovering nearby.  "Milk, two sugars."

"Black coffee," said Crowley.

When she was gone, Aziraphale said, "You were going to tell me about Mr. Capone, I believe?"

"Ah.  Yeah," said Crowley.  "He's.  Well.  Let's just say he's been a boon to every memo I send Downstairs."

"Ah.  Not a nice fellow, then," said Aziraphale, flipping over his page to contemplate the sandwiches.  "Hang on, this is going to be a difficult decision."  The waitress came back with their drinks; Aziraphale hemmed and hawed over his order and finally narrowed it down to three things.  Crowley ordered the apple pancake, and Aziraphale resolved not to touch it no matter how good it smelled.

Once they'd ordered and handed over their menus, Crowley spilled a little of his water out onto the tabletop.

Aziraphale grabbed his napkin and pulled it out of the way just in time to avoid getting it soaked.  "What are you --"

"I'm drawing you a map, angel, relax," said Crowley, and, indeed, the puddle of water did not spread very far, in defiance of all tradition; it stayed in a long, narrow line along the right side of the table.  He took out a tin of breath mints and plonked one down by the edge of the water, near the top of the 'map.'  "We're here right now."  He looked speculatively at the condiments before grabbing the salt and pepper.  "This," he said, showing Aziraphale the salt, "is Hymie Weiss and the North Side Gang."  He put them slightly more towards the center of the map.

"What an imaginative name," said Aziraphale.

"And this," he said, showing Aziraphale the pepper shaker, "is Al Capone and his Outfit."  He put it down well to the south.

"That's all well and good, Crowley, but where are they going to put your apple pancake when it comes?"

"Over there in Naperville, probably," said Crowley, with a vague gesture to Aziraphale's left.  "Plenty of room there, nothing happens in Naperville.  Anyway.  I, Crowley, work for Mr. Weiss, in a procurement capacity, obviously.  I didn't really know what I was doing when I started working for the North Siders, so I didn't think to come up with a different name.  But!"

And here he placed another mint carefully, somewhat to the north of the pepper shaker.  "I, Lilith Cambion, work for Mr. Capone, in a similar capacity.  I've got a house out there too, but the neighbors here are more fun to upset and Capone throws bigger parties than I could so I don't really bother."  Here he grinned.  "You see, my poor sainted husband died in a mysterious boating accident, leaving only his gobs and gobs of cash to comfort me, but the authorities think I killed him.  So I escaped to the States to avoid all that unpleasantness."

Aziraphale should have been telling Crowley off for his ridiculous plan, for all this dastardly deception, and for making a mess of the table.  But he couldn't help it; this was exactly the sort of harebrained nonsense Crowley loved most, and it probably wasn't even hurting anyone much, so Aziraphale didn't feel guilty about not thwarting it.  "I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, dear."

"I'm not done!' said Crowley.

"Of course not," said Aziraphale.  "Please, go on."

"So this," said Crowley, reaching for the sugar, "is --"

"Uh.  'Scuse me?"  They both turned to look at the waitress, who was precariously balancing Crowley's apple pancake, and Aziraphale's omelette, corned beef hash, mushroom sauce, and side of extra-crispy bacon.  "Sorry to interrupt... whatever this is, but where'dja want me to put all this?" she asked.

"Naperville," said Crowley, pointing once more at the empty space to Aziraphale's left.

"Uh.  Sure," said the waitress.  "You had the, uh --"

"Apple pancake here, everything else is his," said Crowley.

She put the dishes down carefully, managing to avoid damaging the map.  "And I'll get you a fresh napkin to clean up the --"

"No, that's the lake!" said Crowley.

She paused to look at the map, then studied it with the expression of someone who thinks the street preacher is probably wrong about the End Times but is more interested in correcting him on a small detail about the life and wine preferences of Christ.  (Not that Aziraphale had ever done such a thing.)  Finally, she said, "You got the lake coming out too far west, I think, but I'm impressed you got Montrose Harbor on there.  How'dja get it to curve like that?"

Crowley shrugged.

"I'm expecting a helluva tip," she told them.  "Enjoy your meal."  And she left them in peace.

"Right," said Crowley, seizing the sugar bowl, "so this is City Hall."  He plonked it down on the map, dividing salt from South. "Now, I, Felix, used to --"

"Felix hasn't got a last name?" Aziraphale asked. He examined his omelet, which smelled amazing, and took a little taste of the mushroom sauce. Delightful.

"Nobody asked," Crowley said, while Aziraphale dumped sauce on his omelet. "To be honest I think they assumed it was fake when I gave it to them."

"Convenient for you, then," said Aziraphale, sampling the omelet. The egg was nicely fluffy, the mushroom sauce was extraordinarily creamy, and the overall effect was delicious. "This is wonderful, Crowley, would you like to try some?"

Crowley looked across the table at the apple pancake, exiled, as it was, to Naperville, whatever that was. It was bigger than his head and smelled of cinnamon and future dental cavities. "Think I'm good for now," he said. "You can have some if you like." He turned back to his impromptu map. "So, as Felix I used to work for the old mayor. But he ran off to the South Seas to look for a climbing fish."

"A climbing fish?" Aziraphale asked.

"Yeah, I don't think it's a thing. Not sure what that was about, really. Anyway, Big Bill left us all in the hands of this appallingly incompetent wet blanket Dever who likes things to be --" here he used his fingers to put quotes around his speech "-- 'above board,' or something, so I don't work for him. Hinky Dink and Bathhouse John are still in the game though, so I do odd jobs. Mostly encouraging people to vote."

"Hinky Dink," repeated Aziraphale, distastefully.

"Yeah, and you're called Aziraphale, what's your point?" Crowley asked.

"My name was given to me by the Almighty, and cannot, therefore, sound absolutely ridiculous," said Aziraphale. "Anyway, is it so demonic to encourage voting?"

"It is when the voters have been dead for years," said Crowley.

"Ah. And they don't... question...?" He was glad Crowley was having such a good time, but really, using resurrection to gain political advantage really was fiendish, in an actively distasteful way, and he thought he'd better at least register his objection.

"Oh, they don't check," said Crowley. "Really, they're just like my lot. Long as it gets done they're pleased. They pay a lot better, too."

"Seems a little gauche if you ask me," said Aziraphale.

Crowley shrugged. "Well, good thing I haven't asked you. Less fuss than doing the paperwork to make it say they voted, at least for me."

"Ah, well. As long as you put them back when you're finished with them, I suppose," said Aziraphale. He had another bite of omelet.

"'Put them back when you're finished!'" said Crowley, doing a very bad imitation of Aziraphale. "Well of course I do, what else am I gonna do with them?" he snapped. "They'd ruin my parties." He reached for the tabasco sauce, and put it just west of the sugar.

"You're going to run out of condiments soon," Aziraphale said.

"Nah, we've still got ketchup," said Crowley. "Anyway, this is Jane Addams."

"And what band of cutthroats does she run?" Aziraphale asked.

"The most dangerous ones, at least to me.  They're social reformers.  Do-gooders."  Crowley made a face.  "I've been working on this woman for years now and I think the only dent I ever made is that she contemplated lying once and then wasn't good enough at it to follow through.  It's maddening."

"Poor Crowley," said Aziraphale.  "Still, it sounds like you're making a little progress!  If you keep trying maybe you can budge her a little more?"

Crowley gave him a wide grin.  "Thank you for trying, Aziraphale, but I really think she's got me beat. She's already in her sixties, and her health's never been good, so I think she'll be gone before I can get her soul.  But I haven't quite given up yet.  Besides, hanging around there is fun, really."

"And I suppose you're somebody called Merit when you're hanging around tempting her?" Aziraphale prompted, mopping up the rest of his mushroom sauce with the last of his omelet

"Yes!  Merit O'Malley!" said Crowley.

Aziraphale paused, omelet halfway to his mouth.  "Please tell me there's not a bad Irish accent involved, Crowley.  Please?"

"Well, there was but both sets of O'Donnells sussed me out," said Crowley, "and then I had to wipe their memories and stop being a safecracker in a hurry.  Which was fine, really, being a safecracker is dead boring actually, unless you do it by miracles.  Anyway, I decided to try and corrupt all the nicey-nice reform types.  But most of them are very... churchy, and it's difficult to get at them."

Aziraphale smiled to himself.  "Quite."

"Also most of them are full-up on Pride and Greed and Envy already," said Crowley.  Aziraphale stopped smiling.  "Not really as fun if you're going to corrupt someone who's already almost there, you know?  So I found Jane Addams and I started volunteering at her... thing, and I thought, aha, I'll work my way into her confidences and find out what her weaknesses are."

"What are they?" Aziraphale asked.

Crowley shrugged.  "I mean she second-guesses herself quite a lot.  But that's no good, it means I can't get her for Pride.  Greed, Gluttony, and Envy don't really seem like her thing.  And Sloth is right out, her schedule would drive anyone to madness.  Except her, apparently."

"Wrath?" Aziraphale suggested.

Crowley shook his head.  "I mean, she's quite angry a lot, but..."  He gestured at his map.  "I think that's fair.  And she's a total pacifist, she'd never hurt anyone."

Aziraphale couldn't help notice Crowley'd been leaving one out.  "Is she married?  Maybe Lust--"

"She's got a wife, sort of.  Very much in love.  I couldn't do anything there," said Crowley.

"Oh!" said Aziraphale.  "Are the humans letting themselves do that sort of thing now?  I hadn't realized."

"They're not," said Crowley, "but nobody particularly lets Jane Addams do things, she just does them."

Aziraphale started on his corned beef hash, and stared at the map.  "I know it's a bit out of fashion, my dear," he said, "but what about Acedia?"

Crowley looked appalled.  "I would never!"

"All right, sorry, I was only trying to help," said Aziraphale.

Crowley sighed.  "I know you were.  You always do."  He rubbed his eyes under his glasses.  "I was thinking of turning her over to you, actually.  I can introduce you if you like."

"Oh!  That sounds very nice, actually," said Aziraphale.

"I will warn you, she is a bit insufferable about Prohibition," said Crowley.  "Don't talk about wine around her, she'll just give you this disappointed look and you'll feel you've let her down."

Aziraphale considered this.  "Are you sure your lot won't take her?"

Crowley laughed, and waved a hand over his mess of a map, and in an instant the water and the breath mints were gone, and the condiments were back where they started.  He reached across the table and retrieved his apple pancake from its long exile, and a delicious waft of cinnamon reached Aziraphale's nose.

"Oh!  I was looking forward to seeing what the ketchup was for, though," said Aziraphale.

"I think some people like it on their eggs," said Crowley, making a face.  He took a small piece of the apple pancake.  "This is good.  Aziraphale, you've got to try --"

"No thank you," said Aziraphale, primly.

"Oh come on, it's their specialty," said Crowley.  Aziraphale tried not to watch as Crowley licked the fork off.  Licking anything like that in public could probably get you arrested in some places.  Safer to look at the pancake.  Which also looked good, definitely.  "Will you at least come with me to Al's birthday party?" Crowley asked.

"Well."  Aziraphale hesitated.  "I don't know that it's really the place for me..."

Crowley gave him a pleading look that was only slightly less effective for the dark lenses covering his eyes, and said, "It won't be half as fun without you there."

He's only tempting me.  It's false flattery.  He wants to lead me into a den of iniquity, Aziraphale thought, watching Crowley pick at the apple pancake.

"Ah, well.  I understand, angel," said Crowley.  He sounded a bit disappointed.  "I'll have to find out when Miss Addams is going to be around, though, I still think you'd like --"

"No, no, I didn't say I wouldn't go with you," said Aziraphale, quickly.  "Of course I'll go.  Somebody's got to keep you out of trouble."

"'Course.  Definitely.  You'll keep me out of trouble."  Crowley looked skeptically over his glasses, and Aziraphale could see the yellow slits of his eyes, and he was looking so fondly at Aziraphale that he didn't think he could stand it, so he swallowed and tried to pay attention to his corned beef hash.  "Your food was good, then?" he asked.

Aziraphale nodded.  "The apple pancake?"

"It's pretty good," said Crowley.  "Sure you don't want any?"

Aziraphale resisted for all of two seconds.  "Just... just let me take a look at it."

"A look?" Crowley asked.

"Just a glance.  Here, we can switch," he said, offering to exchange his small plate of corned beef hash for the enormous apple pancake.  "Just.  Just for a moment."

It was a very good apple pancake, and Aziraphale ate most of it.  He tried not to notice Crowley's soft smile as they chattered about local theater here and in London, and reminisced.

When it was time to go, Aziraphale left a hundred-dollar bill on the table for a tip, and Crowley left a scrawled note to the waitress, with a suggestion as to where and how long to invest it; then they paid their bill and went back out into the fresh, chill air of January first.

[womenofcolor15]

MATCHING PJs, Dance Battles & Quality Family Time Were All The Makings Of A FAB Christmas ’19 – Here’s How Celebs Celebrated!

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! See how celebs celebrated Christmas ’19 when you go inside…

Christmas ’19 was all about family and fun. Celebs and their kiddies got all dressed up (or dressed down) in matching pajamas to see what Santa brought them this year. And it looks like everyone made the Nice list.

Ciara & Russell Wilson, reunited LaLa & Carmelo Anthony, Gabrielle Union & Dwyane Wade, Steph & Ayesha Curry along with their kids were all decked out in cute PJs this Christmas SZN.

The Wades decided they wanted to be warm this XMAS, so they jetted to Maui for the holidays. Swipe below to see their videos:

          View this post on Instagram

                  Christmas with The Wades in Maui! #YBFLiving #YBFHolidays #YBFFamily

A post shared by TheYBF (@theybf_daily) on Dec 25, 2019 at 2:56pm PST

  The Wilsons turned all the way up to Mariah Carey's "All I Want For Christmas Is You":

          View this post on Instagram

                      A post shared by Ciara (@ciara) on Dec 25, 2019 at 11:58am PST

  Every time Christmas rolls around, Will Smith and his family never disappoint. This year, there was a karaoke competition and the Oscar nominated actor showed off some hip action and flexed his vocals. “How Santa Got His Groove Back,” he captioned a video of himself and his daughter Willow Smith that his wife/Red Table Talk host Jada Pinkett Smith recorded.

Get your laugh on below:

          View this post on Instagram

                  How Santa Got His Groove Back : @jadapinkettsmith

A post shared by Will Smith (@willsmith) on Dec 26, 2019 at 12:25pm PST

  Ha!

Oh yeah, Willow and her boyfriend Tyler Cole are still going strong, spending the holidays together:

          View this post on Instagram

                  BIG SHREDZ//<MERRY DRIPMAS>

A post shared by ∴ WILLOW ∴ (@willowsmith) on Dec 25, 2019 at 1:22pm PST

  New dad again Chris Brown loaded his daughter, Royalty Brown, with CASH!

          View this post on Instagram

                  Dads the best!

A post shared by Royalty Brown Official (@missroyaltybrown) on Dec 24, 2019 at 1:39pm PST

  "The Real" co-host Tamera Mowry Housley, her husband Adam Housley and their kiddies - Aden & Ariah - wished everyone a Merry Christmas:

          View this post on Instagram

                  #MerryChristmas guys!! Wishing you all a beautiful day #holidays #family @thehousleylife @adamhousley #thehousleylife

A post shared by tameramowrytwo (@tameramowrytwo) on Dec 25, 2019 at 10:08am PST

  Lil Nas X celebrated Christmas '19 with his pops and his MTV Moon Man:

          View this post on Instagram

                  gave my dad my moon man! happy holidays! (ITS NOT HIS PRESENT)

A post shared by Lil Nas X (@lilnasx) on Dec 24, 2019 at 7:17am PST

  Zhuri James melted our hearts when she started singing Beyonce's "Brown Skin Girls" after opening up one of her dolls:

          View this post on Instagram

                      A post shared by TheYBF (@theybf_daily) on Dec 25, 2019 at 6:23pm PST

  By the way, Zhuri James has an Instagram & YouTube channel coming in 2020 thanks to dad LeBron James & mom Savannah James. Get the deets HERE.

Sadly, this was Megan Thee Stallion's first Christmas without her mother and great grandmother. She hopped on Instagram to remind her Hotties to uplift one another.

          View this post on Instagram

                  We love you Meg! Via @theestallion

A post shared by TheYBF (@theybf_daily) on Dec 25, 2019 at 6:50pm PST

  "Power" star/singer Rotimi and his girlfriend Vanessa Mdee were all wrapped up in love on Christmas Day...literally:

          View this post on Instagram

                  Merry Christmas from The Buttascotch’s

A post shared by Rotimi (@rotimi) on Dec 25, 2019 at 10:55am PST

  "Power" star Naturi Naughton and her daughter Zuri spent the holiday with family:

          View this post on Instagram

                  Wishing you all happiness, joy and peace this holiday season! Cherish those you love not just on Christmas but the whole year through! #MerryChristmas #BabyZ #mymommyanddaddy #NaughtonChristmas #soblessed

A post shared by Naturi Naughton (@naturi4real) on Dec 26, 2019 at 8:52am PST

  Joie Chavis shared a Christmas shoot she did with her daughter Shai Moss (whom she shares with rapper/actor Bow Wow) and Hendrix Wilburn (whom she shares with rapper Future):

          View this post on Instagram

                  Merry Christmas y’all : @patty.othon

A post shared by Joy. (@joiechavis) on Dec 25, 2019 at 10:17am PST

  Steve Harvey's wife Marjorie Harvey had WAY too much fun with the kids' toys:

          View this post on Instagram

                  Why am I having this much fun on the kids toys

A post shared by Marjorie Harvey (@marjorie_harvey) on Dec 25, 2019 at 1:00pm PST

  Ha!

Singing sisters/"Grown-ish" stars Chloe x Halle served up a light Christmas twerk for the holiday season:

          View this post on Instagram

                  HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!!

A post shared by chloe x halle (@chloexhalle) on Dec 25, 2019 at 1:04pm PST

    "BlackLightning" actress Nafessa Williams had fun with her sisters and her nephew at 3 in the morning Christmas Day:

          View this post on Instagram

                  We still going up at my house! Litty Christmas 3:23am Safe to say I earned it! [Btw, my sister been on the phone with her boyfriend ALL day, she’s holding the phone while doing this video, MAJOR boo love] #Woah

A post shared by Nafessa Williams (@nafessawilliams) on Dec 26, 2019 at 12:23am PST

  Ludacris & Eudoxie's daughters gave away Christmas gifts in Gabon, Africa:

          View this post on Instagram

                  @unspokenangels Christmas in Gabon. My little helpers spent the day giving presents and also learning new dance moves. They had many questions about the orphanages we gifted to and wanted to know why the children didn’t have parents... #childrenarethefuture #leadingbyexample #love #caring #unspokenangels

A post shared by Eudoxie (Eh-dox-ee) Bridges (@eudoxie) on Dec 26, 2019 at 4:03pm PST

    T.I. and Tiny's daughter Heiress Harris served up laughs on Christmas:

          View this post on Instagram

                  The obsession is changing a bit still a big @itsjojosiwa fan but to add to that she loves @ryansworld & these eggs he got!! Anywho this kid was made for this thing we call entertainment!! @realnickroses u better get into now 20/20 Happy Holidays #PrincessHeiressDiana #RyanWorldsEggs #Christmas2019

A post shared by Majorgirl (@majorgirl) on Dec 26, 2019 at 10:03am PST

            View this post on Instagram

                  Another amazing Christmas with my big family!! @majorpharris & @troubleman31 was out all night being Santa Clause.. I’m more than Thankful for all of my Love #OurXmasEveTradition

A post shared by Majorgirl (@majorgirl) on Dec 25, 2019 at 11:36am PST

  John Legend, Chrissy Teigen and their kiddies celebrated Christmas in Wyoming:

          View this post on Instagram

                      A post shared by John Legend (@johnlegend) on Dec 25, 2019 at 11:55am PST

            View this post on Instagram

                  The snow is very bright in Wyoming

A post shared by John Legend (@johnlegend) on Dec 25, 2019 at 2:16pm PST

    Kevin Hart, his wife Eniko Hart, and his kids Heaven & Hendrix spent Christmas at a Lakers game:

          View this post on Instagram

                  #Harts #HolidayHarts #MerryChristmas

A post shared by Kevin Hart (@kevinhart4real) on Dec 25, 2019 at 7:55pm PST

  Kev got sat on by Lakers baller Anthony Davis:

          View this post on Instagram

                  Look out @kevinhart4real!!

A post shared by NBA (@nba) on Dec 25, 2019 at 6:50pm PST

  Hilar! By the way, Kev's upcoming docu-series "Don't F*ck This Up" will be available to stream tomorrow on Netflix.

City Girls' rapper Yung Miami's daughter Summer served up all the kiddie Christmas cuteness:

          View this post on Instagram

                  @thelifeofsummermiami

A post shared by Caresha .. (@yungmiami305) on Dec 25, 2019 at 7:48pm PST

  Rev. Jesse Jackson spent Christmas posting bonds for a handful of inmates at Cook County Jail in Chicago so they could spend the holiday with their loved ones. Here's a clip of Rev. Jackson walking with the newly released inmates below:

    Here's Jesse Jackson walking out hand-in-hand with three of the men he bailed out of jail on Christmas. Two were in on marijuana charges and the third had a DUI, all unable to pay the $500 needed to get out. pic.twitter.com/rbShPAIzw5

— Nader Issa (@NaderDIssa) December 26, 2019

      And there's tons more! Swipe through our gallery below to see what all your faves were up to this Christmas SZN!

  Photos: Ciara's IG/LaLa's IG/Gabby's IG/Ayesha's IG

  CHRISTMAS 2019 With Your YBF Faves!

[Read More ...] source http://theybf.com/2019/12/26/matching-pjs-seflies-quality-family-time-were-all-the-makings-of-a-fab-christmas-%E2%80%9919-%E2%80%93-he

[dotthings]

There’s a ton of John Winchester mirroring for the comic book store owner mentoring his successors and as someone else pointed out, “Jaeger” means hunter and they used footage from earlier eps for the fake trailer including John being their Jaeger stand-in. So a whole lot here about father figures, and mentors, and particularly John as someone who trained children to be warriors and is a complicated father role and there were costs to his obsession. Comic book store owner as a more benign mentor, until he became a ghost, but a parallel to John nonetheless. Are we not going to talk about the John Winchester and father-son pain parallel nod?

So let’s talk about that massive Jason Todd as Red Hood mannequin easter egg which is probably just meant as a fun easter egg because of Jensen’s planned Halloween cosplay. But the camera swept over a whole bunch of DC comics titles including Batman. While the Jason Todd mannequin is standing there in the comics shop. Just...standing there. Silent and heavy-laden with pointed significance.

Slight spoilers behind the cut for this ep and the dc animated movie Under the Red Hood where Jensen voiced Jason Todd and some batfamily and spn parallels.

Before I throw Bruce Wayne under the bus, the circumstances are a bit different. All of Bruce’s kids that he trained to be Robins came to him. Bruce isn’t exactly a picture of emotional stability and he shouldn’t have agreed to let minors become warriors alongside of him, but he also didn’t emotionally abuse them or tell them this was their only job and purpose in life and tell them they were worthless if they didn’t watch over their little brother properly. He was strict as a teacher, not denigrating or dismissive. And if Dick Grayson or any Robin had gone to Bruce and said “I just want to be a regular kid” I think Bruce would feel immense relief (and a little sad but mostly relief). Alfred would throw a party. Bruce would protect that regular life for the kids he mentored. All the Robins had to convince Bruce they could handle it, that they were ready, convince him to let them into his scary world, and Bruce, in all the iterations of the story, is strict about the rules and you aren’t ready until he says so and they all asked to be there. Begged, even. Even when Bruce was saying no you’re not ready.

There were however high costs. There’s a bunch of dead (and then un-deaded) Robins, there’s damaged Robins, there’s the Robin who didn’t die but left and became his own hero and became in some ways a better version of his adoptive father. There are also storylines where Bruce tells them nope that’s it this is too dangerous I don’t want to lose you so I am benching you. Which angers the Robins. Bruce knows the costs.

John is a different matter. Dean and Sam weren’t given an initial choice. They were raised into it from infancy. John punished outside interests, his kids looking beyond the hunting life. Bruce’s kids were always offered an education, college, options. It helps that Bruce was a billionaire with bottomless resources of course but John and Bruce both had a choice how they mentored their kids, how they treated them personally and yeah I’d say Bruce comes out looking like the better dad, with both of them in a zone of no dude don’t let kids be warriors. But allowing them and drilling it into their heads that can be their only worth and role in life are two different things. Nonetheless both Bruce and John are complicated painful father figures.

BTW Dick Grayson, the first Robin’s parents, were named John and Mary. And Dick was trained into the slightly perilous family business of being a trapeze artist, but with lots of safety nets and love and his extended circus family around him. Sam and Dean had no safety nets, there were no safety nets for John, and they had little sense of community. Also John and Mary Grayson died due to sabotage while performing without a safety net.

Should I bring up the fact Sam, Dean, and Cas are training Jack who is effectively still a child to be a hunter—but with lots of safety nets, with Cas telling him his own worth, instead of “this is your only worth.” With choices because Jack is the one begging to go out in the field while Dean is playing protective batdad saying no. If Jack said he wanted something else, if Jack decides he wants to go to college someday, or just be a guy who works in a comics shop and has friends, TFW is going to support him.

What’s interesting about Jason Todd showing up in this ep of spn is that Jason is the most tragic Robin and the one Bruce always felt the most sense of failure on. Jason is the Robin who died (there’s another one who did too but DC also undid that, and Jason was the first to die). Under the Red Hood effectively is the story of someone who thought his father didn’t love him enough. So it’s the high cost of training children to be warriors writ large and the Red Hood animated movie brings in a lot about insecurities from both Bruce and Jason’s end—I failed you, you didn’t love me enough. Jason’s also got sibling jealousy issues. Jason had behavioral problems, he was a bit of an asshole, he was basically good, but Jason was the 2nd Robin and had to follow Dick Grayson who is a really talented, good-hearted, smart, handsome, universally loved, gold standard of Robins, and became Nightwing who can hold his own as Batman’s equal.

Jason was murdered by the Joker and that was the end of him for decades. His memory haunted the batfamily. His memory taunted Dick with the potential for his own failure and he haunted Bruce. There’s a story where Bruce blows up at Dick saying Jason was just like Dick—brash and over-confident and so Dick could have been killed just as easy. Anyway Jason’s story was over until DC brought him back from the dead and while not gone all over to the dark side Jason was pretty messed up emotionally, tried to steal Nightwing’s identity in one SL, and uses violence to do his work on levels Batman was adamantly against. (note I have no idea if these backstories on the batfamily are still considered canon or not what with all the reboots but they are part of an emotional continuity in how I know the characters—it’s comics and animated series and there are emotional consistencies across all the canon versions and maintained through the reboots. Still, discussinf what’s “dc canon” is a mess).

Oh and Stuart was stealing from his mentor and in one of the Jason Todd origin stories, Batman found Jason when Jason stole from him (the batmobile hubcaps. Jason had moxy).

I was also a batfamily fan when I got into SPN and early seasons SPN sent all my batfamily parallel radars beeping. So now, that Red Hood mannequin, being in this ep? With those other parallels about John running strong already in place? Of all things, they put this ouchie of a batfamily nod in there? That is some easter egg. That thing was just begging to be meta’d, it was asking for it.

[lattetimes]

So How About Them New Episodes, Ammirite Ladies??

here’s what i thought of the new episodes via live reactions as i watching them!

overall, it was kinda underwhelming but there were parts that i really did like! and if you liked these episodes, that’s awesome!

MAYOR DEWEY WINS

was this title a reference to the movie/book John Dies at the End, cause if so then i’m shocked i caught that

apparently it is, would you look at that. btw i kinda liked the movie.

damn, Sadie took this hard. and Steven never told Lars’ parents. so i guess Sadie has to do that herself.

why tf does Steven care if Dewey wins?!

OH, IT’S BECAUSE HE DON’T WANT SHIT TO CHANGE AND HE THINKS HAVING A NEW MAYOR WOULD BE BAD WTF DEWEY DOES NOTHING

ok wow, there’s only 24 people in Beach City and he never noticed that Lars was gone!?

“is that why the donut shop was closed?”

“we’ll hire a new donut boy!” DEWEY. DUDE. ARE YOU FOR REAL?!

“high school mayor” lmao

how did he run unopposed for 10 years!?

LARS’ MOM KEEPS A SHITTON OF TOMATOES IN HER PURSE SHE READY TO THROW DOWN ALL THE TIME

i don’t like that Steven is so adamant on Dewey winning.

jesus, Steven, let Nanefua win. she’s obviously the better person for the job

“i’m done pointing my finger at you, and now i direct all my fingers on both my hands to the citizens” top 10 anime deaths

NANEFUA WINS, OH MY GOD YES

STEVEN, DUDE, REALLY?! LEAVE CONNIE ALONE!

“i don’t know what you’re talking about, but i need to get a new job” 2018 mood tbh

episode rating: 2 tomatoes out of 5. i can’t stand Steven in this episode at all. but hey, NANEFUA WON!!!!!!

RAISING THE BARN

....was Lapis’ main concern that Steven dropped his phone on Homeworld? not the fact that he was... idk... ON HOMEWORLD?!

ok Lapis is ready to bail immediately and tbh i dont blame her

did she just uproot the entire bard wtf?! 

BARN THE DIAMONDS, BARN THE DIAMONDS, BARN THE DIAMONDS!

episode rating: 1.5 barns out of 5. BARN THE DIAMONDS, BARN THE DIAMONDS, BARN THE DIAMONDS!

GEMCATION

^ mfw Amethyst basically spat an egg out her mouth (it was kinda gross)

well. Greg got some kinda house.... still don’t get why the crew is so against having Greg get a house

also, where’s Peridot?

“remove all shoes before entering” Pearl fucking THROWS A RANDOM ASS PAIR OF SHOES

OKAY PEARL SCREAMING “PARTY GUY, NO!” WAS ACTUALLY KINDA FUNNY

S H O W M E P A R T Y G U Y Y O U C O W A R D S

“Steven, you should join me. become a raisin” ok Garnet

did. did Steven completely cut Garnet off as she was talking about Pink Diamond and the Gem War with the whole, “yeah, yeah, i get it, Mom. i already heard this story” kinda thing? B R U H that ain’t okay

AND GARNET JUST SHUTS UP AND WAS LIKE “good, you understand”

PEARL WAS GONNA STRAIGHT UP ADMIT TO SOME HUGE THING AFTER HER “THERE ARE THINGS THAT ARE IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO EXPLAIN” LINE AND HE CUTS HER OFF WITH “CONNIE HATES ME”

WHY COULDN’T STEVEN AT LEAST TELL THESE FOUR THAT HE WAS SO WORRIED ABOUT CONNIE HATING HIM?!

I’M KINDA GETTING SICK OF SEEING STEVEN MOPE LIKE THIS FOR 3 EPISODES STRAIGHT AND I HOPE HE DOESN’T KEEP THIS UP FOR THE NEXT 2

OH NO, PLEASE DISREGARD ALL OF THE MESSED UP THINGS YOU SAW ON HOMEWORLD CAUSE CONNIE IS (rightfully) UPSET WITH YOU. LARS D I E D.

GUITAR DAD SAVES THE DAY

i love Greg Universe

how would you not notice if you aren’t getting any service on your phone? your phone tells you when you’re getting service or not

bruh you almost made your dad drive off a cliff for you to get phone service

Greg Universe is a ride or die kinda guy

this ending shot is cute, i’ll give you that. 

episode rating: 2 party guys out of 5. Party Guy should’ve bitten Steven’s phone and his shit attitude. also PEARL WTF ARE YOU TELL US ALREADY

BACK TO THE KINDERGARTEN

Connie i miss you

“of the three things i have to do in the sink now, this is the one i least mind you seeing” B R U H

 Peridot listens to country music, this is disgusting

HOLY SHIT AMETHYST IS TOSSIN’ PERIDOT AROUND LIKE SHE WEIGHS NOTHING AND I’M CRACKING UP

“can i bring my music?” “NO.” damn Amethyst you already threw Peri around like she ain’t nothin’, let her bring her music if it’ll help her

aaaay, they’re in the train again!

dang, Peri really loved the barn.

i kinda like that Amethyst is going around trying to figure out which member of the Famethyst came out of which part of the Kindergarten. kinda cute. 

so everything is seriously determined by the nutrition, right down to the style of a Gem’s hair? ...huh. iron deposits determine hair styles.

damn, Peri went with a sucker punch to the gut with her little speech about how Kindergartens kill off life and are just “lifeless husks” once all the Gems are done being formed. and Amethyst feels awful about it, dang.

ok. there’s a flower growin’ in the Kindergarten, and that should technically be impossible due to all of the nutrients in this one area being used up. this could be interesting.

ok, so now the trio is gonna farm & see what happens. ok, ok, i can roll with this i guess.

FARMING MONTAGE

look at them flowers

they proud

don’t make Peri live here

why the flamingo thingy taller than both of them

gods i didn’t need to see Steven happily showering

they’re talking about how the flowers are probs gonna look beautiful i bet they all died, they’re too positive about this. $5 them flowers are dead.

them flowers are dead,

...now they’re arguing, cause Peri blew up on them. alright. this ain’t good.

aaaaaaaaaaaand Peri crushed the original flower that grew here. both Steven & Amethyst made pained whimpers. ok. this ain’t good.

oh it’s a Gem creature- haven’t seen one of those in a while!

IT ATE PERIDOT HOLY FUCK

SMOKEY QUARTZ IS BACK

ngl i like Smokey’s theme music

btw there’s no dialogue from Smokey, just a quick 2 second thing

Peri doesn’t reform with a star on her

ok, that was kinda cute. and having a technician that also likes gardening is cute too

episode rating: 3.5 dead sunflowers outta 5. it was an okay episode & i did like it. 

SADIE KILLER

heh, i get it. cause lady killer.

oh god, that looks bad

WHY IS THAT MOP SO BIG

instead of reading off a long-ass list to the overly worked employee, just hand Sadie the list so she won’t fuck up?

“and a coffee. hold the coffee.” same tbh

oh. he’s in a band with the Cool Kids. WE GET TO SEE THE COOL KIDS!

“...i hope he [Lars] is safe and all, but working all these shifts by myself has been a huge drag” GIRL, LARS DIED IN SPACE AND IS STILL THERE

Steven stealing all the napkins is something i’d do tbh

man, i love the Cool Kids

is my girl Jenny rockin’ the bass? aaaaaaaaaaay!

Sour Cream, what the HECK IS RAP-A-BILLY?

“Doo-doo. Butt. The government corrupts” Buck is the voice of this generation

welcome to EB Games

they... they admitted to following her home from work....

“doo-doo. i think i broke your bed” Buck wtf

also, i guess them watching all of Sadie’s horror movies gave them inspiration to do that weird donut-brain-eating song. weird.

“we are the working dead, and we lurch for minimum wage” same Sadie

......ok, she’s freaking everyone out. and they look uncomfortable. Sadie, seriously stop. they’re concerned.

...she. put lipstick on her eyes.

see, if she wasn’t freakin’ everyone out with this, i’d say this song is a bop. 

ok they’re fine now & thought it was lit ok cool cool cool. i ain’t a big fan of the lyrics tbh, but i do like the song.

 “aww, doo-doo”

ok so Steven’s askin’ for advice on how to write horror-themed songs from Sadie. how about LARS DIED ON HOMEWORLD

SADIE’S ADVICE IS:

LOSE YOUR LIFE TO A BORING JOB

LOSE THE ONE PERSON YOU WERE CLOSE TO

LOSE YOUR MIND WORKIN A TON OF SHIFTS

GIRL FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

Steven puttin’ Sadie on blast, good lord he just sang an accidental roast tryin’ to sing shit like she does

HE STOLE ALL THE NAPKINS AGAIN

“you can’t help being cute no more than i can help being cool” Buck, you’re a blessing

“yoooooo, what if this is all a dream?” Buck, wtf?

oh. Sadie’s goin’ with them. okay. 

OH. SHE QUIT HER JOB. UM. OKAY?

episode rating: 3 funky riffs out of 5. Buck Dewey is great.

KEVIN PARTY

I DO NOT WANT TO WATCH THIS EPISODE, BUT IMMA DO IT ANYWAY

DIDN’T EVEN START THE EPISODE AND I STILL FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE

let’s just get this over with...

why’d Steven wait this long to track down Lion?!

siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh, here he is......

gods, i still hate him

stop being gross to kids, leave Steven and Connie alone ya freak

at least he knows they use they/them pronouns. 

how did he find out where Connie is? doesn’t she live far away from Beach City? did he track down these two kids just to “invite” Stevonnie?!

“no one turns down an invitation to a Kevin party” i sure as fuck would

lmao Kevin has an old phone

“your name’s Steven? weird, i thought your name was Clarence” OI, DON’T INSULT CLARENCE LIKE THAT

rude, Steven brought snacks and ya just toss ‘em into the void?

ok. he’s creepily obsessed with Stevonnie cause apparently they make parties and shit like that hella fun. um. stop? being obsessed with kids??

WTF WHY IS LION AT THE PARTY

Connie actually showed up. and had Lion the entire time. that’s. super fucked up. Lion is the ONLY way to get to Lars directly!

and also, there’s TWO KIDS AT A PARTY WITH OLDER PEOPLE?! NO ONE BUT DERRICK QUESTIONS THIS?

Kevin’s gonna try to get them to talk to each other... so they can form Stevonnie... so his party won’t suck...

also, he keeps calling them 7-year-olds........ siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh, ok Kevin.

KEVIN YOU IDIOT LET THEM TALK TO EACH OTHER SO HE CAN SAY SORRY DON’T GIVE HIM YOUR “COOL GUY” BULLSHIT

“i need those old people to whisper my name when they die” tbh goals

“who’s Sabina?” Kevin got all red in the face and almost lost his cool

so Kevin’s gonna try to make Steven look like he’s moved on from Connie or some shit. this won’t end well.

NO, NOT DERRICK’S JACKET

now we get a montage of 2 kids being uncomfortable surrounded by older people at a party they should’t be at, ok.

at least Connie looks cute. and she got a haircut! so cute!

NOT CUTE NOT CUTE NOT CUTE

GOD, I HATE KEVIN

Steven, what are you doing?

STEVEN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

ok, quick recap cause i didn’t mention this: Kevin thought Steven & Connie were dating, so, Connie only went to the party to see if Steven’s okay and if they could talk. Steven decided to follow Kevin’s advice for some reason, and Connie thinks Steve’s new BFF is Kevin, and Kevin has no concept of what friends are.

so. Connie didn’t text Steven cause she preferred talking face to face about this, and that texting him wasn’t good enough to work out these issues. very fair point. still don’t get why you legit stole Lion from him, but the not texting back thing makes complete sense.

ok, she rode Lion to his house while Steven, Greg & the Gems were away (the episode Gemcation). and that’s when she bumped into Kevin and got the invite. ok. now Kevin is slightly less creepy, but still disgusting nonetheless.

oh, yay! they’re talking it out! and Steven isn’t disregarding Connie’s anger!

yay! they’re friends again!

don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie, don’t form Stevonnie.

LMAO GET FUCKED, KEVIN, THEY AIN’T FORMIN’ STEVONNIE

episode rating: 1 Lion out of 5. least fave episode, tbh. but hey, we got Connie back!

[alairia]

1-100 pleeeease :)

eSpotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? Spotify

is your room messy or clean? clean I can’t really stand messy rooms

what color are your eyes? green!

do you like your name? why? it’s alright, it’s just my aunt’s name with an extra n (Adrianna is my name btw)

what is your relationship status? single 

describe your personality in 3 words or less: shy, nerd, and compassionate

what color hair do you have? plum!

what kind of car do you drive? color? don’t have a car but I would totally love a Jeep

where do you shop? Forever 21 sometimes, rue 21, and online shops

how would you describe your style? very plain a graphic t-shirt jeans and sneakers pretty much but rare times I do dress up “nice”

favorite social media account? Tumblr or Twitter, been getting into Pinterest more

what size bed do you have? Queen!

any siblings? one older sister and one younger brother

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? Colorado or Washington for the simple reason I LOVEEE the cold weather

favorite snapchat filter? the one that makes your eyes and lips really huge 

favorite makeup brand(s)? NYX, wet n wild, and covergirl

how many times a week do you shower? about 3/4 

favorite tv show? Law and Order 

shoe size? 9

how tall are you? I’m 5′4

sandals or sneakers? sneakers sandals normally hurt my feet

do you go to the gym? I work out from home since I have an in home gym

describe your dream date? I’m pretty easy to go on dates with probably going to a shelter seeing a movie then some dinner something like that

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? $40

what color socks are you wearing? none

how many pillows do you sleep with? 3

do you have a job? what do you do? yes I’m the family bum ;3; 

how many friends do you have? OH DEAR, i have 1 REALLY close friend (tori ily) then just 8 friends I talk to online a lot and none irl :-(

whats the worst thing you have ever done? probably steal an egg when I was like 8

whats your favorite candle scent? i currently have this mango salsa candle that smell soooo amazing

3 favorite boy names? Noah, Henry, and Michael

3 favorite girl names? Valerie, Raven, and Savannah

favorite actor? Cole Sprouse

favorite actress? Gal Gadot

who is your celebrity crush? Cole Sprouse

favorite movie? Interstellar

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? not as often, my favorite book would have to be of mice and men by john steinbeck

money or brains? brains

do you have a nickname? what is it? Adri short for Adrianna

how many times have you been to the hospital? oh gosh plenty of times probably 10/15 maybe more

top 10 favorite songs? welcome to the jungle by guns n roses, passionfruit by drake, location by khalid, rollin by calvin harris, future, khalid, fake happy by paramore, told you so by paramore, oui by jeremih, we belong together by ritchie valens, pixel empire by madeon, and shelter by porter robinson and madeon

do you take any medications daily? nope

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) dry

what is your biggest fear? i have this weird fear of being snipped for some reason? 

how many kids do you want? probably 1 or 2

whats your go to hair style? I normally leave it down since my hair is short but at times i put it up in a ponytail, bun, or braid it

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) quite a large house

who is your role model? my mom

what was the last compliment you received? from my best friend tori about how she’s glad I put up with her 

what was the last text you sent? it was to my friend Jared

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? like 6

what is your dream car? a Jeep

opinion on smoking? I’m normally not a fan of it but if you do it then that’s alright you do you

do you go to college? nope a senior in high school

what is your dream job?probably a successful twitch streamer 

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? suburbs

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? yes of course I do

do you have freckles? yes 

do you smile for pictures? some of them i do or just a weird faces I can make up on the spot

how many pictures do you have on your phone? 183

have you ever peed in the woods? yes lol 

do you still watch cartoons? yeah sometimes I do

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? ooo McDonalds probably 

Favorite dipping sauce? ketchup, I’m a very plain person 

what do you wear to bed? depends, if it’s really hot nothing on and if it’s cold just my underwear and a hoodie

have you ever won a spelling bee? yes 

what are your hobbies? playing video games, digital art, watching anime, cooking and baking

can you draw? i can draw but not that good

do you play an instrument? I used to play the trombone 

what was the last concert you saw? Iron Maiden

tea or coffee? tea

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? starbucks

do you want to get married? yes eventually

what is your crush’s first and last initial? JM

are you going to change your last name when you get married? not quite sure

what color looks best on you? dark colors blacks, greys, and blues

do you miss anyone right now? yeah my best friend tori

do you sleep with your door open or closed? closed

do you believe in ghosts? yes!

what is your biggest pet peeve? when people leave their apps running when they aren’t using it 

last person you called` my mom

favorite ice cream flavor? cookies and cream or neapolitan

regular oreos or golden oreos? regular 

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? rainbow

what shirt are you wearing? a tie dye blue shirt with a cat on it that says hug life

what is your phone background? a bunch of corgis

are you outgoing or shy? shy but with time I’m really outgoing

do you like it when people play with your hair? yesss i love it

do you like your neighbors? yeah I do

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? yes both when i wake up and sleep

have you ever been high? nope 

have you ever been drunk? not really 

last thing you ate? eggs and bacon

favorite lyrics right now? “you’re mine and we belong together, yes we belong together for eternity” 

summer or winter? winter

day or night? night

dark, milk, or white chocolate? milk

favorite month? November since it’s the month of my birthday

what is your zodiac sign? Scorpio

who was the last person you cried in front of? my best friend tori