#okay muffin first of all i left so many clues about the ending

[smolfangirl]

Lost Then Found

Chapter 6: Love me or leave me

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5

So, this is it, the end. The final chapter of LTF. I spent a lof of time on it, making sure it is perfect and something I am incredibly proud of and in the way it somehow ended up being 6.3k words long. (Whoops.) I want to thank @sky-girls for being always there for me and for helping me more times than I could possibly remember. This chapter is for you, muffin! (Also I hope you will still talk to me after the ending)

“Solo espero no sea tarde para seguir al corazón.”

“Simón, hurry up, I need to talk to you!”

Luna banged against the door. Her knuckles were turning white, but she didn’t care. Open, open, open, please, I need you. She repeated it like a mantra, whispered those words to herself until the fire in her lungs slowly burned out. The mantra kept her from crying. From shattering and losing it. She had been too close to the edge for more than two hours now. Since Matteo left her alone on the rink, a million thoughts raced through her head. Open questions. Explanations for what had happened right there. Scenarios of a future she didn’t want. So many feelings as well. Too many. It was a mess, she was a mess. In no way could she bear this on her own any longer. Open, please.

Finally, her best friend showed up behind the door. He wore his favorite beanie on his hair and a grin on his lips: “Luna, hey! What a surprise!”

“Are you alone?” To her own surprise, her voice sounded much stronger than she felt. “Yeah”, Simón answered, “Pedro’s out with Delfi and Nico went to town. Hopefully to get a new haircut.” He got suspicious when Luna didn’t even raise an eyebrow at his joke. “Are you alright?”

She shook her head. Her feet lead her to the couch where she fell face down into the cushions. Simón watched her speechless. “I think I screwed up”, she bawled after a minute of silence.

Now he remembered. “Oh, yeah. That. Well, figuring from how loud you argued, I kinda assumed that.” Immediately, he caught all of her attention. “Wait, what? You mean you… you heard it?” A grin slipped on his face. He knew it shouldn’t amuse him, so he tried to hold it back: “I think the whole Jam&Roller heard it. I mean, you really gave him a lecture there. We were pretty surprised you could turn into a volcano.”

Luna groaned and pressed her face deeper into the pillow. “It’s not funny!” She didn’t feel like a volcano. If anything, she was both the lava and the people buried underneath. “Hey, I’m sorry. But seriously, what made you go off like that? Though I’m not saying he didn’t deserve it.”

“I don’t know”, Luna sighed. “I don’t know anything except that I need your help. Simón, please, I’m not joking, I wasn’t this confused about the whole Sol thing and it’s not right, I… I wish I could understand but I don’t know what to do next or even how to ever look at him again.” Patting her shoulder, her best friend cowered in front of her. “Okay, I will help you, but you should relax a bit first. Take a deep breath. Yes, and another one.”

It worked.

Well, until Matteo’s face appeared in front of her and reminded her of the hurt written all over his face. His lost smile. The missing spark in his eyes. His words. I did miss you. I still do. And I will. Her chest tightened all over again.  

“Eh, what do you mean?”, Simón continued, “You don’t know how to look at him again? What did he do?” Luna lifted her head. Seeing the tears in her eyes, he gasped. “What did I miss? What did you do?” A small sob escaped her mouth. “I, I might have been wrong all the time and there’s a chance he didn’t deserve me yelling at him?”

“Wait, what?” He struggled to process this new information. After all, it was Matteo’s fault that Luna had been a shadow of herself over the last twelve months. He had noticed how she tried to cover up, to act as if everything was perfectly fine. Normal. But the light in her eyes undeniably used to shine brighter. Luna had every right to lash out at Balsano. So why did she regret it now? Why didn’t it relieve but hurt her more? He couldn’t imagine.

The shrilling sound of the bell interrupted them. First, Simón ignored it. After it rang for a second and a painful long third time he got up. Luna felt grateful for the time to think of an explanation. One that went beyond “He said he cared for me and I’m still mad but I also want to run into his arms”. She didn’t find one. But by the time she looked up again, she found Ámbar. Next to Simón, with his arm casually wrapped around her shoulder. She imagined Matteo holding her close like that. No, let it go. “Hi Lunita!”

“Hey, what are…”

“Why were you late today?”

It took Luna a second to recall Ámbar didn’t mean to be harsh. Anymore. “I was working on my biology assignment and somehow I had forgotten there was training today.” The blonde snorted. “Why am I not surprised this happened?” However, the smirk on her mouth gave her away. “Anyway, it’s not that important. What I’m more interested in, did you and Matteo at least talk when he picked you up? Or was that just screaming too?” Luna’s eyes widened, alarmed. It hadn’t been a joke. Everyone knew. She was so screwed.

Simón squeezed his girlfriend’s shoulder. “Come on, angel, lighten up. What’s this, an interrogation?” Ámbar rolled her eyes. “No, it’s not. But I just wanted to help and it’s unbelievable they apparently didn’t even take that chance when it would have been just perfect. It’s getting too pathetic to watch.” Another eye roll when Simón and Luna simultaneously gave her a confused look. “What are you talking about?”, Luna inquired.

“Lunita, please. Why else do you think it was Matteo who picked you up? I could have just called Tino and tell him to drive you. But no, instead I was trying to be helpful for once.” On a rational level, Luna understood Ámbar meant well. How could she know all hope was lost for Matteo and her? Still: “But why? Why would that help? In which way?”

“Luna’s right”, Simón argued. “And it’s not on us, if they wanted to talk, they would have already. And when Luna doesn’t want to, you shouldn’t put her into a situation like that.”

His girlfriend groaned. “Seriously, I don’t get it. You are both unhappy. Miserable, even. What’s the point? Do you think we don’t see it? Why do you both keep pretending otherwise? Even Tamara figured it out!” She sighed: “All I’m saying is, you should talk to him. Talk, not scream. Let him explain. He’s not a bad guy. But okay, in the end, you do you, I won’t interfere again. You two are too complicated anyway.”

“Can we please not talk about him? Or today in general?”, Luna stammered. She sat up, rubbing her neck. This wasn’t going the way she wanted to. Needed it to. She had come here to pour her heart out and get back on her feet, not to start another fight.

Technically, she still wanted to talk about Matteo, about the storm inside her. And if she should give him another chance. If he could be trusted with her heart. But Ámbar’s words hit every open wound and it hurt too much. Luna wasn’t ready to hear this truth yet, to believe it. So, she preferred to push it aside.

Before the silence settled in the room, Simón jumped in: “Well, then why don’t we forget that and watch a movie?” Luna nodded, while Ámbar agreed with her eyebrow still raised.

Soon, Simón and Ámbar snuggled on the couch while the opening scene began. Luna tried to not allow the jealousy creep into her veins. Her friends were happy, so she should be too, right? And if not, at least she should be able to focus on the movie.

Yet, her mind played a film of its own. Memories flooded her head. Some tasted bitter, like the one on the rink when he laughed at her. Maybe about her. Or when he switched teams again to avoid trouble with Ámbar.

Most of them felt like a bubble bath in happiness, however. His hugs. Every time he offered his help right when she needed it the most. Discovering the wings under her feet when he taught her a new step or lift. The butterflies in her stomach that woke up with his smile. Him, constantly making sure she was okay and happy.

Why did it had to end? They could have made it. That’s what she believed anyway until he exchanged her for the Italian sun and her sky missed the stars she used to see around him.

And now he suddenly talked about missing her, about wanting to give her the explanation she so desperately craved. She remembered Ámbar’s words. They were miserable, yes, or she definitely was. Matteo looked the part. Luna gave in and imagined what could happen if she got a reason. An apology, even. If there was a meaning behind her pain, what would change? Everything? Nothing?

These questions kept her mind busy. She left the apartment without knowing as much as the title of the film they had seen.

She needed to learn to move on.

The realization hit her late at night, after she crawled under her blanket and hugged her pillow tight. This crying and being mad and avoiding him had to come to an end. The searching and hoping for a way to turn things around too. She deserved closure, she deserved peace. If she got through the whole drama of being Sol Benson, then she could move on from a boy who made no sense. Right? And what did she had to lose by now anyway? How much worse could it get?

Maybe Ámbar had a point and letting Matteo explain was the right thing to do. Maybe she should give him that chance. Not for him. But for herself. Pushing her blanket away, Luna grabbed her phone. At last, she knew what to do.

Can we talk tomorrow? It’s important, she typed. She read through it, but decided to leave the details for the morning. Her fingers were only shaking slightly when she hit send.

Luna found him sitting in one of the chairs. Throughout the whole school day she had been unable to focus on the classes, fidgeting even more than usual and reliving the fight with Matteo. Hopefully, this would be over soon.

“Hey, thank you so much for taking the time!”

“Come on, you know I always have enough time for my best friend!”, Simón laughed. His eyes scanned her, which she noticed, of course. But she had nothing to hide anymore. Her smile was real, just like the determination she found behind the lump of nervousness in her throat.

“So, what’s this super important thing you need to talk about? Is it about the competition?”

“Well, no, actually it’s not. It’s about Matteo”, she began. Simón frowned. “So, I thought a lot about what Ámbar said yesterday. She knows him for so long, right? If she says I should talk to him, maybe it’s really time I do. I think I want to too.”

Her best friend shrugged, then chuckled. It sounded nervous, not quite convinced. “Then why don’t you just do it? The Luna I know can do everything she wants.” His smile turned softer and for a moment, Luna truly believed she could make it right this time.

Then she sighed. “I don’t know how to talk to him when he will avoid me even more than before.”

“Can I ask you a question?” Simón fidgeted with the menu card. Confused, she nodded. “I’ve been thinking about yesterday too, about what you told him. Luna, why didn’t you tell me how you felt? We’re best friends, you can always come talk to me if that’s what you need.”

“I’m sorry, Simón. It’s not that I didn’t want to, but, well, I couldn’t. I didn’t plan to say all of this, I didn’t even know that this was inside me. And at some point after he left, I just didn’t want you to worry and there was this whole Sol thing, and what could you have done anyway?”

There was still a frown on his face. “Look, I was just as surprised as you yesterday, but I’m glad I let it out. I had to. But what I really need now, from you, is your help to talk to him. Will you? Help me, I mean?”

Now he eased up. “Yeah. Everything that makes you happy, you know that.”

“Thank you!”

The next day, Luna felt more nervous than ever to go to the Jam&Roller. Her phone in her hands, she walked as fast as her feet carried her. (She felt it in her legs, how her muscles urged her to slow down and moaned because she ignored it) Two more streets, and her breath run short. Simón hadn’t texted her yet, and if he wasn’t texting her, it meant he was busy and talking to Matteo. Hopefully.

Only one more intersection and she’d know. But of course, the red light stopped her and while Luna caught her breath, she considered running over the street. This traffic light usually took ages to jump to green, she didn’t have that time. And there wasn’t any car around. Should she do it?

Luckily, she didn’t need to decide. Within seconds after the green light had mercy and signaled her to run, she stepped into the bar, her heart pounding loud and wild.

Simón wasn’t behind the counter, which looked promising to her as she didn’t see Matteo either. She dropped off her bag, and walked straight to the rink. Nothing but a small taste of doubt in her mouth now. Maybe they were at the lockers?

Again, no hint of the two. Only Pedro who greeted her cheerfully as usual. The worry reached her stomach and she felt unable to return Pedro’s smile. “Have you seen Simón? It’s super important”, she asked him, the words stumbling out of her mouth. “Well, fifteen minutes ago I saw him talking to Matteo by the stage. Have you checked the wardrobe?”

Fifteen minutes ago, they hadn’t planned it like this. Luna prayed she wasn’t too late. “No, I haven’t, thank you!”, she yelled over her shoulder.

Indeed, she found Simón sitting in the wardrobe, lost in thought, strumming his guitar. “Simón! Why are you here? Where’s Matteo?” Startled, her best friend looked up. “Luna, I didn’t expect you so soon!”

“What? The whole plan was about me being here and seriously, where is Matteo? Don’t tell me he already left, please!”

Simón put his guitar aside. By the expression in his eyes, he planned something and Luna wondered if she wanted to know.

“He did. I tried, you need to believe me, but he was so eager to leave, I couldn’t stop him.” She groaned. “However, don’t worry, it won’t happen again”, he added without making her feel better.  “Of course it won’t, because he will keep running from me forever.”

“You give up too fast, Luna. He won’t be able to run from you. Well, not if I tell him I need him to switch shifts with Nico because of a totally made-up emergency. And the best part: he can’t say no since Tamara left me in charge while she’s away. So, give it two days and you’ll get your shot.” He leaned back with a smirk, looking pleased with himself. Luna took a sharp breath. Trying to get to talk to him today had already rubbed her the wrong way, but this? This was a whole new level, one she shouldn’t feel so comfortable stepping on.

“Do you think this is a good idea?”

“Totally, you’ll see, and who knows, in a week you won’t be thinking about him anymore.” The thought of forgetting Matteo failed to reassure her. But this wouldn’t stop her. Not this time, not when Simón had a point and gave her the one chance she needed to move on. Right?

In the end, it was her heart who betrayed her. Dancing in her chest, over these two days it started to whisper that Matteo missed her, for real, and that it wasn’t a dream but a fact. It fully dived into the memories, the craving and pining as if Luna had nothing to lose.

It reminded her of his birthday present as well. Specifically, of the part no one knew about. Not Simón, not Nina, not even her parents. Get it out, it whispered, you hid it long enough. Just take another look. And the memories weren’t alone: all the feelings she had very much tried to bury forever accompanied them.

Luna hated it. This wasn’t fair, at all. Being a teenager shouldn’t be this hard. Love neither.

Time didn’t pass. No matter how hard Luna kept track of it and stared at whatever clock was around, the two days stretched into an eternity. And eternity gave her a lot of possibilities to overthink. Was she ready for the truth and for moving on? Did she have to be ready? (She didn’t feel the part.)

Her friends weren’t any help either. Just mentioning Matteo’s name caused them to interrogate her until she felt like the main suspect in a major crime case until she considered hiding in the bathroom.

Then, she woke up to a text of Simón, “Today!”, and time passed way too quickly during classes. Before Luna settled on a final plan for this conversation, she found herself in front of the Jam&Roller. Okay, she told herself, reaching for the door handle, you can do this. Just wing it. It’ll be fine.

She discovered Simón behind the bar. “Luna, there you are!”, he grinned at her, “Are you ready? Matteo is on the rink, so you can go straight ahead.”

“Thank you”, Luna said and forced a smile, “I’m just gonna put my skates on first.” And something Matteo hopefully saw as a sign she didn’t want to hurt him. But there was no need to rub that in Simón’s face when he’d only be hurt that she kept this a secret from him too. “Then don’t stand around, go, go, go! Good luck!”

Indeed, Luna needed that luck.

Seeing Matteo was enough to cause her chest to tighten until she forgot how to breathe. The last time they’d seen each other popped up in her head like one of these ads on Youtube that you couldn’t skip. Though, if she was being honest with herself, he didn’t look as miserable anymore. Only an unfathomable smile was on his face, nothing that laid bare how he felt. Or maybe it was showing in the details, in things escaping her mind because she had forgotten how to read him.

The second he noticed her, his movements changed. The smile, no matter how real, faded. Matteo slowed down, then turned away from her to watch the other skaters more intensely than was believable. Sighing, she decided she needed more drastic measures to get his attention.

This situation called for solely one thing.

Slowly, Luna once skated around the rink. She waited for his gaze to get stuck on her. A second round, taking up speed. Now. She spun around, well aware she wouldn’t make it if she shifted her weight to her right foot.

The fall came quickly. Matteo however didn’t. He remained on his spot, staring and probably waiting for her to get up. She felt her cheeks heating up. Not that she had a real plan, but things obviously weren’t going well.

Nevertheless, she sent a smile in his direction. Visibly exhaling, he skated over. “Why did I know you’d show up today?” Her eyebrows twitched and she hesitated to answer. “What do you want?”, Matteo went on, “There’s no training for the competition, you know that.”

That’s it, she thought, there had to be a way to bring back the old Matteo, or at least a Matteo she knew how to talk to. One that reminded her of the person she used to be, too. “No comment because I fell? I believe that’s a first.” She got a snort instead of the smirk she aimed for. “Look, I have to work, so if you don’t mind…”

“No, wait!” Luna reached out her hand. “Please.” With every passing second, her heart beat faster. What if she came too late, if he believed every single word her anger had directed at him? If she never got to tell him that right now, she missed their old selves more than she wanted to stay mad. That she wanted to hug him, wanted him to call her chica delivery, to wink at her and convince her to dance with him.

Lastly, Matteo grabbed her hand. His radiated warmth and offered support bittersweet in its familiarity. She focused on that while he pulled her up. Looking in his eyes seemed impossible.

“You only mentioned the card”, he commented to her surprise. Following his gaze, her eyes fixed her laces. More specifically, the silver moon and the strawberry dangling from them next to each other. “What?”

“You never brought them up. Or had them on before. Why now?” At his stinging tone, her voice broke into nothing more than a whisper. “I wanted to talk to you.” Matteo nodded slowly, as if he weighed his every word. “I see”, he began when a girl interrupted them. “Sorry, but you’re the supervisor, right? Could you help me with something, please?”

Immediately, his mouth curled up for this girl, a regular. “Yeah, of course.” Over his shoulder he said to Luna: “You’ll excuse me for a minute.”

Undecided, she stayed on her place frozen like a statue. Did his words mean he’d come back? Or would he go back to ignoring her? Luna had no idea. Her whole world felt shaky and unsteady, all because she couldn’t tell whether he put on a mask for her or for the girl he was helping. How did he continue to be her fixpoint? Her rock.

She watched him. Right now, he explained how to keep the balance while skating on one foot. He made a good teacher, patiently showing and encouraging the girl until it worked. No cheekiness, just kind support, she saw that much from the distance. It shouldn’t surprise her that much, she had seen him like this before, only that it felt like a lifetime ago and it had always been aimed at her.

Now, the same friendliness didn’t last for her. “So, Luna, I have a question for you.”

Had she seriously hoped for anything else except his razor-sharp tone? “If you wanted to talk to me, what did your dear Simón had to do with it? Did you think I wouldn’t notice how he obviously tried to keep me from leaving, just around the time school finishes? Why else would he suddenly be nice to me and ask for my help with a song I couldn’t possibly care less about? And only two days after you yelled at me, possibly loud enough for everyone to hear it? I bet he still laughs about it and thinks I deserve it.”

Yeah, in no way would she tell him they all really knew about their fight. Rather, she went for: “This is not about Simón, Matteo. Please.”

“No, it’s not. But you know, if you wanted to talk to me again, you could have texted me. Ask me, not let beanie boy do all the work because it’s easier for you.” With every word out of his mouth, she shrunk in size. By all means, he was right. “Matteo, I’m sorry, I…”

“Don’t. Whatever it was you wanted to say, spit it out already. What do you want? What do you want to happen, what are you trying to achieve with”, he gestured to her skates and the ground, “All this?”

There wasn’t enough air in here to fill her lungs, especially not when the storm in his eyes took her breath away.

“I wanted a reason”, she stammered. “You said you cared but I still don’t understand why you simply disappeared from my life. Look, all I wanted was to move on and later remember this without having to wonder what happened.”

“Wanted?”, Matteo asked, an eyebrow raised before his expressions softened up slightly. Luna stared back, astounded at the power of a small word. “I… I mean… I still care about you. I tried not to. But I really, really do.” At this, suddenly his eyes lit up like a firework in the night sky. He coughed and looked away, trying to conceal it. Still, she recognized this trace of hope, because it spread in her too and gave her a fuzzy sensation in her guts.

“So, why did you never stay in touch?”

They sat on the bleachers while Matteo focused on the rink. Not that Luna would ever admit it, but she took the chance to study his face. He was the most beautiful thing she had ever laid her eyes on. Most likely forever. It struck her that whatever was about to come, she most likely didn’t expect it. And just maybe, she didn’t have to lose him. Maybe this wasn’t their end or the last time she could get lost in his perfection.

“This might take a while.”

Luna reached out for his arm, but held herself back before he noticed. She cleared her throat. “I have time.”

Matteo closed his eyes. Forgotten was the rink, his shift. All that mattered was Luna, to find the right words that kept his hopes for a second chance alive. “The day after we arrived in Italy, uh, my dad told me we probably wouldn’t come back for the school year. Well, I know I should have expected it, but I didn’t want to hear any of it. That’s when we had our first fight, over there I mean. I just refused to give up the hope to see you again, you know?”

His voice trembled, the words blurred and it was hard to understand everything. “I never wanted our kiss to be the end of something. So, I didn’t want him to mention this until their bosses made their final decision. And then… then they told me we’d stay. That I would finish school there, and likely study too, or go to Oxford. Those were my options. It was right after the first Open, you know, the one Tamara streamed. I, I missed you. I missed you so much. I wanted to see you, hear your voice but there you didn’t perform while my parents basically told me I’d never get to go back and should let this fantasy go.”

Luna remembered the Open, how she regretted not performing when she learned about the one person who had streamed it from Italy. It truly had been him, of course, and of course he didn’t get to see the one time she sang for him.

“My first impulse was to call you. I had to tell you, but no matter how long I sat in front of my phone and opened your contact, I couldn’t do it. I knew it would be the right thing to do and yet, I… my head always found a reason not to do it. It was stupid, I realized that now, the most stupid thing I’ve ever done.”

Matteo paused. Let out a sigh. So much weight seemed to escape his body with it, Luna wondered how he had managed to walk upright before. “And then?”, she asked in a husky voice. “Did you just… decide that not talking to me at all was better? But then why did you send me something for my birthday then? That makes no sense to me. Wait, look, I want to get it, but right now, I feel there are more question marks in my head than before.”

Something about her words shattered him back into pieces. She saw it without understanding why tears sparkled in his eyes or why his whole body was made up of misery.

“I didn’t decide anything. My dad did. He’s, eh, let’s say, quite controlling. He told me I was acting out of my mind, and I was, of course I was. I felt so lost without you, but when he learned about you, he tried to reign me back in. Like I was a dog who didn’t listen and just needed some more training to behave.” A snort, one heartbeat of silence. Another one. “Actually, it’s not like I didn’t expect it. Although usually he was distant, more of a teacher than a father. But this time, he suddenly cared. Or at least compared to like all my life. And… since I honestly believed I’d never see you again but instead could have a decent relationship with my parents, finally, I…”, another break. “This sounds even shittier when I say it out loud.”

His fingers moved restlessly around, through his hair, along the seam of his shirt, rubbing his neck. Never stopping. “I’m sorry, Luna, I made so many mistakes, you have every right to be mad…”, she stopped him. “I want this to be over.”

He stared at her with eyes wide opened. Even though silence settled between them, Luna swore she heard his heart break.

“No, no, not like that!”, she hurried to add. Before her brain stopped her, her hand searched for his. Equally surprised as she was, Matteo held in a breath. Confusion was written all over his face. Luna tried to say something, anything, however touching him burned out every single thought in her head.

It took her some moments to find her voice. “What I’m trying to say is, I want us to be able to talk normally again. Like before. I don’t care if what you have to tell me sounds shitty. I said I wanted to understand, and I won’t run away. I promise. And I don’t want to stay mad at you. Anymore.”

“What?”

In another situation, she would have laughed at his shocked face. Now, she let her thumb draw lazy circles on his skin. “I’m done being mad at you”, she repeated. A smile as bright as a thousand stars broke free on his lips. It blinded her, consumed everything else around them like a black hole. She wanted to see this smile every day of her life.

“You know, you’re always in my head, everywhere I am”, he confessed, more radiant than the sun itself. “Everything that you said before sounded as if my only goal during the last year was to make you suffer and I know it’s hard to believe it but I never wanted to hurt you. I believed I was doing what was best for you, to allow you to move on. It took me weeks to buy these pendants. Every time I passed this shop window, I thought about getting them for you. But I also hoped you had forgotten me by then, because it meant you didn’t suffer like me. That’s why I always walked past them in the end.”

Focusing on his words got harder when he pulled his hand away. She hated how she ached to feel more of him, whether by holding his hand or being in his arms and doing all the things she definitely needed to stop thinking about. “And then my parents left town for a few days and I found myself in front of the shop again. I figured it was now or never, that you could still get them in time without my dad ever knowing I lied when I told him I had forgotten you completely. So, I bought them. I let them change them so you could wear them on your laces and went straight to the post office, wrote the card there and sent it off. But the next day, I already realized it was contradicting and wrong and I knew I’d never have the courage to ask Gastón how you reacted.”

“He couldn’t have answered that question anyway. I never told anyone about them”, Luna stated. “In fact, until yesterday, I kept them in my drawer right at the back so I didn’t have to see them.”

“Why?”, he inquired, biting his tongue. She shifted on her seat, unconsciously ending up closer to him. Her fingers fidgeted with her bracelets in order to keep her from reaching out to find his hand. “It hurt too much, thinking about you. And I didn’t want everyone else to worry about me again, especially when they just started to believe I was better.”

Matteo shook his head. “Luna, you can’t always think of everyone else first. Sometimes, what you want and need is more important.”

“Would you say the same thing if I told you you weren’t what I wanted?” His gaze laid down on her, firm and calm. It brought back the feeling she could read his every thought and emotion in his eyes. Hope spread out in her, racing through every cell and making her dizzy. “I would say your happiness is the most important thing. And I know I got in the way of it too often already, so… one word from you and I’ll leave you alone.”

That was it, that was the last strike it took to tear down the wall around her heart. Immediately, this hope forged a fire that turned every last bit of anger and resentment into ashes. “And let’s say, I wouldn’t want you to go. Why should I trust you now? How do I know you’re not leaving again because your dad makes you?” Matteo took her hand, studying their intertwined fingers before he answered. “After the last training, I talked to my parents. I figured I lost you for good, but I also realized they needed to know the truth. So, I told them I still only wanted to be with you and that it was wrong to pretend otherwise and that I didn’t care what they say.”

“How did that go?”, she blurted out. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t imagine talking to her parents like that. Or them to act like Matteo’s parents, for that matter. “Well, my dad got mad. Very mad, actually. It was nothing compared to when I decided to study physics and astronomy instead of sticking to his plans for me.” With the hand he wasn’t holding on to, she gently patted his arm.

“Why are you looking at me like that, chica delivery?”

Was it possible to have a heart attack because of a nickname?

“Are you and your dad okay now?” Matteo shrugged. “He’ll get over it at some point. But really, in the end, I don’t care anymore if they accept or even like my choice. That’s not what matters.” He smiled at her, all soft and warm and full of love. The chica delivery from a minute ago couldn’t hold up against it. If she hadn’t been sitting, who knew where her shaking knees would have taken her. “I love you, Luna. And I will stay.”

Maybe she should think this through. Tell him she needed some time to process everything, to decide on what was best for her.

But truth be told, her heart already chose him without a doubt. She knew living without him was possible, she had managed to get by like this. However, talking to him demonstrated that it wasn’t what she aimed for, a life without his smiles. His touch, his support. His love.

“Luna?”, Matteo pulled her back to reality, where she had left him waiting for an answer, “Will you give me a second chance?” She looked up. Hope glimmered in his eyes, along with an undeniable fear. Never had he been this vulnerable around her, perhaps around anyone.

“I mean I haven’t completely forgiven you”, she admitted. In response, his hand loosened its grip on hers. “I haven’t because it will take some time, but… I want to try this. Us. I, I like you very much too.”

Time stopped.

Suddenly, he embraced her waist and she sat right next to him, wrapped up in his arms. The world started spinning, faster than ever before. Luna closed her eyes. Like adding the last puzzle piece, her life felt complete again.

His lips found her forehead, murmuring “Thank you” before he gently pressed them on her skin. It took all her self-control to not kiss him right here, right now in front of the other skaters.

Somehow, they ended up in the wardrobe. The reason escaped her mind before the door closed behind them. Did he needed to get something out of here? All Luna remembered was walking hand in hand with him and that the smile on her face grew wider with every minute.

“Wait, was there any reason we’re here now?”, she asked. Matteo grinned, the signature chico fresa look, and turned around so he faced her. One hand reached out for her hair, brushed it back, then rested on her cheek. His other hand supported her waist, pulled her closer. Not close enough. She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Is it too early to ask if I can kiss you?”

“I don’t know, chico fresa, is it?”

It wasn’t. Of course. How could it be too early when all Luna had done for a year was to dream of these lips, this boy and being with him?

Matteo kissed her. Or she kissed him. It didn’t matter. Her mind turned quiet, but she heard her heart sing, even shouting in her chest. She had forgotten kissing Matteo meant a hurricane in her veins, meant being burned alive but enjoying every second of it. His thumb caressed her cheek and it drove her crazy, how he sent one wave of electricity after another through her body.

When they broke apart, Luna didn’t need to open her eyes to see him beaming with happiness. His voice sounded warm and just rough enough to make her knees tremble: “I think now I’m really home again.”

Thank you.

[nataliedanovelist]

GF - Timestuck AU: The Power of Mabel ch.7 (finale)

While fighting over a time machine so one twin can win a pig or the other can win the heart of a girl, Mabel is left stranded in a snowy forest with no time machine and no brother. Oops.

ch.6

AO3 link

~~~~~~~~~~

Ford sat on the kitchen floor with his back against the cupboards, clinging to his knees, his glasses still in hand. His throat was sore and his eyes hurt and his nose was runny and his heart was raw and broken, and yet he wasn’t done crying. Though he was done sobbing and occasionally crying so hard he thought he would throw up, free-flowing tears still streamed down his face as he hid the bottom-half of his head in his beefy arms. 

“What do we do now?” He moaned.

Stan looked at the know-it-all who didn’t have a clue. He sighed and moved to sit next to him, his back against the cupboard and his knees up by his chest as he combed his mullet. “I dunno… Sit here and die?”

Ford hiccuped a cruel laugh and buried his face in his arms fully. “I wish I could.”

Stan snorted. “What’s that saying? The good die young?”

Ford groaned and started to sob again. 

Stan rubbed his back, his head against the cupboard and he looked up at the ceiling. “O-Okay, okay… Let’s think about this. So we never made up, or something else really bad happened between us, and that’s the timeline Mabel was from, right?”

“Right.” Ford gruffed, lifting his head up and rubbing his eyes dry.

“So, since that didn’t happen, or it happened differently… B-But that doesn’t mean she’s… She’ll still exist in our timeline, won’t she? She’s gonna be okay?” He asked the scientist, digging for some kind of hope.

Ford sighed and rested his cleft chin on his arms. “As long as what happened didn’t interfere with Alex’s life too much… Which I don’t know how it could… Mabel and Dipper should still be born in 1999. There’s a small possibility they’ll be different than what they once were, or because of some unseen butterfly effect, their birth might be different or might not happen at all… But…”

The eldest by fifteen minutes slipped his glasses back on, stood, and said stubbornly, “I’m going to do what I can to ensure it is a better future than what the kids had. Our entire family was broken because of what we did and didn’t do. Clearly either one of us went insane or died or something horrible, and I won’t allow that to happen.”

“I don’t think we gotta worry too much about that happening.” Stan said from down on the floor. “I mean, if Mabel changed things so much that an entire reality changed, then we don’t really gotta do much except not screw this up.”

Ford laughed and held out a hand to his twin, who gladly clasped it and stood. “You’re right.”

But the men were disheartened to finally notice the mess in the kitchen. Mabel’s cake batter sat on the flour-dusted counter, the oven was hot and ready for baking, and the muffin tray was on the floor from where Mabel dropped it. Ford looked down at the sweater he was wearing - the sweater she had knitted for him - and without a word he walked to the living room and saw Mabel’s knitting sitting on the couch where she had left it, a completed red sweater with a golden heart on it.

Ford smiled mournfully and held the sweater as Stan joined him and gasped at the sweater. The big brother held it out to the little brother and croaked, “We’ll see her again.”

Stan smiled, cleared his throat, and took off his hoodie and snagged the new sweater to slip it over his old white t-shirt. “Yeah.”

~~~~~~~~~~

July 22nd, 1980

Ford held the lantern up to better read the writing in the cave. He peered at it and was intrigued by a description of a being with answers. It would be summoned if he read out-loud, and though there were many clear warnings against this, the desperate scientist was extremely tempted.

“Sixer! Let’s move before we get caved in or some shit.” Stan called as he walked up to Ford. “What are you reading, cavemen graffiti?”

“Look, Stanley, there are tales of an all-knowing being with answers. It could help me with my theory…”

“Nope.” Stan grabbed Ford by the collar of his trenchcoat and dragged him away like dragging a child out of a toy store.

“Stanley! Let me go!”

“That shit’s got bad voodoo written all over it! You’ve gotta be inhaling toxic cave gas or something to think summoning a demon is a good idea!”

“We don’t know it’s a demon.”

“Really? Then why does that wall read in old blood ‘Do not summon demon!’?”

“Huh. Well, um…”

“That’s what I thought, now don’t make me pick you up and carry you. Let’s move.” And he lightly shoved Ford forward to lead the walk away from the cave and through the tunnels for sunlight.

~~~~~~~~~~

Alex’s wedding was wonderful and a joyous day, but it also made Ford and Stan nervous. They both agreed not to say a word to anyone (as far as Fiddleford knew, Ford had found the girl’s parents and all was over and ended well), and white they were happy to be one step closer to meeting the kids, they were slightly worried that something might be different than Mabel’s timeline.

She never told them her mother’s name. Did Alex marry someone else? Did they marry at the correct time? There was no way of telling, and they both agreed to allow themselves to enjoy the day and maybe drink a little. Or a lot. 

~~~~~~~~~~

When Shermie called and told them that Alex and Dana were going to have a baby, Ford choked on his coffee and Stan dropped the phone. They silently exchanged looks and were terrified that there was only one baby. But it was seven months before the end of August, so maybe the new parents were choosing to keep everything a surprise. Knowing Alex, that is something he would do, especially if there were twins. A beautiful surprise for his twin uncles.

So they congratulated Shermie and made him swear to call them if anything happened so they could be there. And despite their fear, they were very joyous of becoming grunkles again.

~~~~~~~~~~

August 31st, 1999

The entire week leading up to the day, the men were incredibly anxious. The birthday was on 31st, which meant Dipper and Mabel could be born at 1am on the 31st, or 11pm on the 31st. They had no way of knowing, but as long as that damn telephone stayed silent, they weren't leaving the house all weekend. Neither of them slept the night of the 30th, just in case.

Finally, a little after coffee on the 31st, the phone rang. Both Ford and Stan tackled each other and fought for it, but Stan sat on Ford and grabbed it first.

“Stanley, get off me!”

“Stanley, what are you doing to your brother?” Shermie chuckled on the other end.

“Nevermind that, Sherm!” Stan laughed. “What’s going on with you?” He asked casually, though he smiled down at Ford, who smiled back, despite still being sat on in the kitchen.

“Well, you guys know I’m gonna be a grandpa soon…”

“Really? Had no idea.” Stan said sarcastically as he stood up to get off Ford. “So? Is it happening now?!” Ford ran down the hall.

Shermie laughed. “Yup. I just got here myself and Alex and Dana got here about twenty minutes ago.”

“Piedmont Hospital, right?”

“Right.”

“We’ll be there in six hours.”

“It’s an eight hour drive!”

“I said six hours!”

“STANL-” But Stan hung up the phone.

Stan hurried up to his attic bedroom and dressed in his baby-blue Hawaiian shirt and slacks, while also grabbing a suitcase he’s had ready all week, prepared to stay as long as Alex and Dana needed him.

He ran back downstairs with suitcase in hand, with Ford by the door, and they sprinted into the Stanmobile and drove down the road.

~~~~~~~~~~

Shermie was waiting for them in the hall, beaming with joy, and his little brothers ran to him for a tackle-hug.

“Good to see you, Grandpa!”

“Congratulations, Shermie!”

“Thank you, thank you!”

“Did we miss it?!” Stan asked. “Has it happened yet?!”

Shermie grinned and nodded. “Yes, everyone is safe and fine.” And he opened the door.

The aged explorers beamed (and no, they weren’t crying) to find Alex holding one baby and Dana holding another baby. The eldest pair of twins high-sixed and cheered and then gently approached the little ones, beaming down at them.

It was like they had been holding their breath for twenty years, and now they could finally breathe.

“What are their names?” Ford asked quietly, seeing how each newborn was sleeping soundly.

“This is Mabel,” Alex introduced, giving the bundle to Stan.

“And this is Mason.” Dana said tiredly, giving her son to Ford to hold.

Stan and Ford were a bit concerned with the name change, but one look at the baby boy relaxed them. Of course a name like Dipper was a nickname.

“Matching names, huh?” Stan asked cheekily, cradling Mabel and looking down at her with shining brown eyes.

“We couldn’t help ourselves.” Alex chuckled.

Ford’s eyes were glued to Mason. While of course he had been dying to see Mabel again, he had also been excited to meet his science-loving nephew. He was so cute and small in his polydactyl hands and Ford knew it would take a lot more strength than what he had to let him go.

The author tore his eyes away to see his twin looking down at Mabel with tears in his eyes, holding her close to his heart and trying really hard to hold it together, but his joy and peace was far stronger than any bad habits that stopped him from showing his emotions. Stan lightly kissed Mabel’s cheek and Ford saw his lips barely move, though he didn’t hear what he said. Which was fine by him. Ford smiled back down at Mason, finally content.

No one heard him say it, thank Moses, but Stan couldn’t help himself. He had whispered to his niece as quiet as a mouse, “I’ve missed you, pumpkin.”

And finally, after all these years, the small hole in the boys’ hearts could be filled.

THE END!

[90spumkin]

Bucket List

Summery:  Reader finds out she is very sick, and wants to finish the last five things on her bucket list. Emily is more than willing to make sure everything is marked off that list.

A/N: This is day #4 of my 5 fics in 5 days for my 500 follower special. This seemed a little rushed to me, but I was running out of time to finish it. Anyways, I hope you all enjoy it all the same!

Pairing: Emily Prentiss x Fem! Reader

Warnings: mention of sickness/not specified disease and symptoms, dash of angst

Word Count: 732

“I’m sorry to tell you this, y/n, but the disease has progressed a lot more rapidly than we initially thought.”

—-

Emily woke in a sweat, her whole body shaking. The doctor’s haunting words playing in a loop in her head. The appointment had been six weeks ago and it felt like a stab to her heart every time she thought about it. 

 She looked over to see y/n sleeping peacefully. Y/n had taken the news in stride. As soon as the words left the doctor’s mouth, she fired off questions and started making new treatment plans. Emily had fell in love with y/n’s warrior spirit and even in the face of this looming knowledge, y/n never wavered. 

 Emily leaned over and gently kissed y/n’s head before carefully getting out of bed and making her way towards the kitchen. As she stood there with a freshly brewed cup of coffee in hand, she looked at the clock and sighed. She wasn’t due to be up to start her day for a good while. 

 She saw their luggage packed and waiting next to their couch. She smiled as she thought back to the conversation she had with y/n a few weeks prior.

---

 Y/n was laying across the bed, her head resting on Emily’s lap. She made a humming sound before asking, “Did you know I have a bucket list?” This brought Emily’s attention away from her book. She looked down at y/n and asked, “Oh really? And what is on this list might I ask?”

Y/n sat up and faced Emily and crossed her legs under her. Emily noticed the small gasps of breath she took from just that small amount of movement. Emily focused on how y/n’s eyes still held so much light in them, instead of the darkness each gasp of breath held.

The giggle y/n let out before she started explaining drew Emily back to the here and now. Y/n leaned back on her elbows as she spoke, “Okay I made this bucket list when I was a freshman in college so don’t laugh. There’s only five things left for me to complete.”

Emily sat her book down and smiled, “Well lets here them.” Y/n held up her hand up to tick each thing off with her fingers as she listed them, “First is I want to see a giraffe in person. Second, I want to go to Alaska. Three, I want to see a Broadway musical. Fourth, Ride in a hot air balloon. Last, I want to marry the love of my life.” Y/n had whispered the last part, but Emily heard her, and it made Emily’s heart ache. That same day Emily had made so many phone calls trying to make sure y/n finished her bucket list.

----

The sound of Emily’s alarm on her phone startled her out of her thoughts. It wasn’t long after she turned the annoying sound off, a very sleepy y/n came shuffling into the kitchen, rubbing sleep from her eyes. Once she had reached Emily, she wrapped her arms around the other woman while letting out a sigh of contentment.

It took Emily most of the morning to help y/n get ready and even longer to convince her to take her medicine. It seemed like she was getting weaker and weaker with every passing day. This only fueled Emily’s desire to make sure y/n got everything she wanted.

Emily had been able to arrange three out of the five wishes rather easily. Arranging the journey to Alaska wasn’t to much of a hassle, convincing y/n’s doctors to give the okay had been a whole different struggle. However, here they were on their way to Alaska, but what y/n didn’t know was both of their friends and family were meeting them there.

-----

Standing at the end of the aisle, Emily had no clue how she had pulled this off in a matter of weeks. But there she was waiting for the most beautiful woman to walk down the aisle and into her arms forever.

Staring into y/n’s eyes as they said their vowels, it made Emily forget everything that had made this day come sooner than expected. All her mind could focus on was how lucky she was to be able to be a part of such an amazing person’s life no matter for how long or short it may be.

*

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[ofmythsandmadness]

laughing like there’s any good reason to smile.

SUMMARY: diego did not think he’d be spending his night driving home a drunk weirdo like he ran a taxi company. and he really should have just not answered the phone, or said he was busy....but he was already out, he might as well do one more good deed for a NOT-friend who will not stop laughing.

WARNINGS: some language (not much, but i do like the word pisspot), romantic ideations, mentions of being drunk/alcohol. a little bit of oblivious mutual pining, too.

WORD COUNT: 3737 Diego Hargreeves x female insert.

A/N: I...I don’t know how I just wrote this. I legit just sat down and wanted to write a small drabble, and so I started this...and an hour later, after writing without stop I have this. It’s not edited, I have barely read through it at all. But it’s cute and messy and honestly, I don’t know what it is but I really like it. Which is surprising because I rarely enjoy a single word that leaves my mind and sticks on a page but I like this. it’s cute.

There are no TUA S2 spoilers in this, it takes place in a vague pre-s1, au bullshit that I like to base most of my work in (mostly because I’m quite lazy). 

“HEY...YOU’RE NOT LIKE...BUSY, ARE YOU?”

Of all the ways to start a phone call, that might be the worst.

Diego drove probably too quickly down the quiet streets, one hand off the wheel, fidgeting in his lap. It was too late to be out like this, out and about like any other schmuck with no life to care about, and yet there he was.

Like any other schmuck.

“I know you’re probably too-tally busy...you know...stopping crime - I whispered so nobody knows, don’t worry…”

The phone call might as well had been with the entire bar, for all Diego knew because of how loud the voice on the other end was. Loud, raspy and dipping in and out of strength. There was a slur to every other word, and long pauses that almost made him think she had hung up. Every single time, until he just got used to saying ‘you there’, waiting for the sentence to end.

“See...awwww, I fucked up. I did, I really….rea-aally did.”

He laughed at that. Couldn’t help it. Despite how hard he had tried to compose himself, be angry (because he really was, he had things to do, dammit!) he had to chuckle there. Imagining the scene on the other end; standing there, leaning up against the wall, too drunk to even stand but too wired to take a seat. He wasn’t sure how much had been drunk, but it would have had to be a lot. Of all the calls Diego got, so rarely was it of that sort.

And never from normally well-composed, generally serious people he mostly considered assholes that did everything in their power to piss him off every single day of his miserable existence.

“But I need a favour...dearest, darling Diego…”

He pulled the car up, hitting the brakes but leaving it running. Absent-mindedly, he contemplated the risk of that - money was tight, he had to be careful about everything - but shrugged it off and stepped out. He wouldn’t be that long, anyways.

The culprit stood, or slouched, outside of the shitty dive bar he had been called from. Diego took note of the disheveled clothes and especially, the state of appearance - he had become so used to one certain way, he had no clue that a person like Y/N could ever, ever, look so bad in their life.

In the back of his mind, he mused that even despite the messy clothes (and mismatched, really atrocious look if he had to call it anything) and hair, someone like Y/N could never look bad.

He tried not to acknowledge that thought.

“Hey, asshole.”

“Hey!” Y/N cried, as though she had not seen him pull up. Though, maybe she hadn’t - which would suck. Diego didn’t really want to deal with someone that drunk that night. “Hey-y, Diego!”

He rolled his eyes. “You look a mess.”

“And you look ab-so-lute-ly adorable,” she slurred. She leant off the wall and promptly fell on her face.

Or, she would have, had Diego not moved in and grabbed her waist, yanking her back up to him. Which turned out to be a stupid mistake on his end, because then she was just right there, in his arms, staring up at him and barely standing up. Her breath smelled like bad whiskey and her eyes rang red, less-so from the drinking and moreso, he assumed, from whatever drove her out here in the first place.

But all that hardly crossed his mind as they stood so entwined in front of the shitty bar in the middle of the open street.

“Well, well,” she cooed, allowing her grip to relax on his biceps. “This...is...this is ni-ice.”

“Nope. Nope, not doing this.”

He said that more to himself.

“C’mon,” he groaned, switching his grip so she stood beside him and not so close to his face. “Let’s get you out of here.”

She sighed but followed suit, though he felt more like he was dragging her than walking alongside her. Her head nestled against his arm, hair tickling against the skin as the wind wafted through the night air.

It was the closest the two had ever been. And more than closest then Diego had ever thought them getting.

He was not sure how to feel about that.

“My knight in black leather,” she sighed beside him, clinging tighter. “You’re a diamond in the dirt, you know?”

“Don’t think that’s the saying.”

“Mm...no. But you’re always...covered in dirt, you know?”

He grumbled something non-sequential under his breath. “C’mon. Sit down, si’down.”

Begrudgingly she obliged, though she struggled throughout the entire thing. It felt more like he was dealing with a criminal from way-back-when then a...well, a Y/N. Whoever she was.

“Does your car have seatbelts, dear knight?”

“Does my-” Diego cursed and slid the seatbelt into her fingers, practically guiding them down. “You’re a real asshole, you know that?”

She tried to gasp but laughed towards the end, so it was more of a huffy giggle than anything. “Why...Diego, is that how you treat a lady?”

“No,” he mumbled, “that’s how I deal with you.” He slammed the door.

Faintly, he made out her yell of ‘pisspot’, and smiled to himself.

He sank into his seat and sighed, pulling out and into the road. Twenty minutes, he mused to himself, just twenty minutes and she’d be gone. If Diego could do anything, he could easily handle a super drunk Y/N in his car, yammering for twenty minutes about nothing at all. 

He just had to focus.

“You kno-ow, you’re a grumpy grump, you kno...w?”

Diego said nothing.

“Do you need help with your seatbelt?”

He ignored her.

“Do you want me to drive?”

He answered that without hesitation: “no.”

She laughed.

He realised, sitting there, that he had never heard her laugh before - not really, unless faked chuckles thrown bitterly his way in one of their many disagreements counted, but he didn’t count them. Surprisingly, she had a nice laugh. Not one of those faux ones that he couldn’t stand, it wasn’t pretty, but it was real and loud and rang through the car like a Whitney Houston note; echoing everywhere.

“So grumpy, grumpy.”

He swallowed back his thoughts and just grimaced. “Shut up.”

Diego wished she would stop laughing.

They drove off and out of the miserable nightlife, with her giggling her ass off and him just trying not to lose his mind. He dared not look at her, though he knew her eyes hadn’t left his face. He wasn’t sure why she looked, and he really didn’t know why he couldn’t even just spare a glance, but he just...something about how human she was, real and raw and laughing in the passenger seat of his car like this was more than just a -

-he growled a curse to himself and turned the corner angrily.

A few moments later she had stopped laughing so much and had stuck with only a few giggles here and there. Y/N had taken up staring out the window, watching the people and houses and cars pass as though they were the most fascinating things in the world.

He looked at her then. Watched as she traced her fingers down the glass, staring with her mouth agape, eyes lidded and sad despite however much booze ran through her right then. She was more than drunk - she was tired. More than that, vulnerable in a way the two of them had never been.

That scared him more than the jokes and the laughter.

“Diego?”

His eyes shot back to the road. “Hm?”

“Why don’t you like me?”

“Hu-what?”

“Why do you hate me so-o much?” she asked again, that time with her voice smaller and a little higher. “I...I’m curious, what about me boils your bones...so.”

“I don’t hate you.”

“Yes you do!”

“No I don’t!”

“Yes you do!” She wagged an accusatory finger towards his face, so close if he turned she’d surely jab his nose. “Yes...yes you do, you little...y’lil...muffin man. You hate my guts, and I think I have the right to know why!”

Diego rolled his eyes. “I’m not doing this.”

“Why? Are you afraid of hurting my feelings, grumpy grump? Cause,” she sang, rolling the syllables like this was a goddamn musical, “I’m afraid they’re already to-oo hurt, for you to do that. You’re in luck, muffin boy!”

“What does - stop calling me dumb shit,” he hissed.

She stuck her tongue out at him and poked his cheek with her hand.

He swatted it away angrily. “Shut up and let me take you home, okay?”

“No!”

“Well - yeah. Shut up.”

“Or what?”

“Or-” Diego didn’t know what to say to that. There was not much he could do, considering the circumstances - throwing her out of a moving car seemed much too cruel of a thought for anyone, especially a drunk Y/N who could barely figure out seatbelts for herself. Same with leaving her, or taking her anywhere else, or threatening a match or any other thing they’d normally do to one another. Not that he’d hurt her, anyways.

Not intentionally at least.

“You better tell me, or I’m….m...out!”

“You’re - out, what?”

Y/N’s hand found the car lock and with a grin, switched it off. “I’ll go right now!”

“You - you can’t do that!”

“Why not?”

“You’re - you’re strapped into the damn car, you’re just gonna get hurt.”

“Why would you care?”

“I don’t!”

“So you do hate me?”

“No! I - jeez, Y/N!” Diego slammed his hands down on the wheel, spitting out curses he didn’t bother to hide. “Do NOT open the car door, okay? Don’t do that! Just sit down, and let me take you home!”

Somehow his speech worked. Her eyes widened and her mouth opened to speak, but no words came out. Instead, she sank back into her seat. Her hands returned to her lap.

“Great. Thank you, so much. Amazing.”

She didn’t say a word.

He spared a glance her way, only to see her gaze had turned to the road. “Y/N? You good?”

Nothing.

“Y/N?”

Nothing.

“Oh, c’mon, I-” he sighed and slapped the steering wheel again. He hated how his heartstrings pulled at the silence, at how her words had stung - stupidly, irrevocably, no matter what he told himself, it hurt to think she truly thought he hated her. Cause stupid, irrevocably, somehow -

“-I don’t hate you, Y/N, at all. I just - don’t get mad at me, okay? I mean I’m taking you home, I would take you home if I hated your ass, right? I mean - what do you want from me here!?”

Diego took another glance, worried when she still said nothing, and promptly grew a thousand times more worried when he saw her shoulders heave and shake. Without even thinking, he swerved to the side of the road and braked hard before reaching out to her. “Y/N?”

And then she turned, and he saw instead of tears, it was laughter slipping from her lips, rolling out like great ripples of waves, silent and shaking through her body. Her eyes were tearing up, but not from sadness, instead the drunken giddiness she found herself lost within. But they were alight, and warm, and tipsy on the power that must have fuelled her fit of laughter in the first place.

 With a scowl, Diego sat back. “You’re such an asshole.”

“Wait, no! I - I just-” she heaved, and let out another peal of laughter - that time loud and echoing through the tiny car again. “Don’t be ma-aad at me!”

“I wish I hadn’t come, you know that? I should’a left you there, you...you asshole.” Despite himself, Diego felt himself grow flushed and embarrassed, struggling to even play this all off as anger. “You are the worst.”

She kept laughing. “I know you don’t mean that now, though! Ha - ha - you like me, darling, admit it!”

“Screw off.”

“You li-i-i-ke me!”

“Nope.”

“C’mon, you can’t lie to lil’ ol’ me, muffin man!”

“Don’t call me - stop it!”

“Stop what?”

“Doing that!”

“Doing wha-at?”

“That! All’a that!”

Y/N’s lips pouted down, though he knew for a fact she wasn’t really upset. “So rude. One might even think you mean it.”

Diego started the car back up again, grumbling all the way through it. He shrugged off her touch. “I do mean that.”

“You know, I think I finally understand you.”

This car ride was beginning to feel like forever. It had only been maybe ten minutes of driving, and yet he felt like he had been trapped in some special sort of hell for a horrific eternity of embarrassment and...her.

“I get you, Diego...fuck! I don’t remember your last name, that’s really ruining this speech!” Her fist came down hard on the car door panel; he flinched. “Darling, what’s your last name again? I - I can’t do this power speech without it.”

He said nothing, indigent and grumpy.

“Whatever, I’ll make do. Um…” she was quiet for a second, then with a triumphant ‘a-ha!’, spoke again. “Okay. So I get you, Diego, I see you for who you are.”

Was his whole entire life leading up to this car ride straight to hell? Because if so, Diego could only wish time travel actually worked. Maybe then he could go back to 1989 and stop himself, somehow, maybe just-

“-you try so hard to make other people think you’re this grumpy lil’ pisspot of hatred and anger and ‘I work alone, move or be moved’ mantra. So, so hard, it makes everyone mad and hate you back, and you’re alone all over again.” She sucked in a heaving breath, sighed loudly and kept going. “But the real Diego, he doesn’t want that!”

He tightened his grip on the steering wheel. “You don’t know what you’re goin’ on about, I suggest you stop before this gets stupid.”

She laughed, even louder than before. How was that even possible. “It already is! It’s all so stupid, Diego, because people could like you! I mean, you’re a lovely, soft little man underneath the knives and spandex and,” she dropped her voice low and grisly, “‘I hate everything and everyone and also...I’m Batman...woo...Gotham City...I stop crime…”

“Stop it-”

“-but you don’t have to be lonely, darling muffin man,” she cried, throwing her hands up and out in a triumphant cry. “You don’t have to! People like you, or they can like you - I might have to give this speech again, but that’s okay, do you have a pen and paper I can use to write it down?”

He ignored her, trying to force down the pounding in his heart. Trying not to think about a thing she was saying and how badly he wanted to respond to it, no matter how much bullshit and how she slurred her words and spoke in stupid rambles that made not much sense at all. But trying to convince a brain to not think about the very thing they can’t stop thinking about almost all the time, is a very difficult task and an impossible one for Diego, at that moment.

But he really, really did not want to think about how much he wanted to respond to her words.

“I like you, you know that?”

His eyes widened; barely a sign of weakness, and one she didn’t catch. But still there.

“I think you’re rude, and annoying, and dumb sometimes because you almost always get yourself hurt, and I don’t like that,” she rambled, swinging her hands about, conducting an invisible orchestra only she could hear. “But underneath all that stupid shit, you’re quite adorable, you know? And likeable. I feel so bad you feel the need to be so, so hard all the time.”

A beat, and then she laughed again,

“Ah! That’s what she said - ha, I said ‘hard….all the time…’ - tha’s what she said!”

Diego swerved the car to the side street and carried down, slowing until they were in the front of her apartment building. For a moment, he struggled to say a thing, finding the words lost in the chasm of his thoughts. But finally, he managed to speak again, forcing the anxiety down again.

“We’re here.”

“Wh-oh! You’re right.” Her eyes moved from his face to the window, pressing her nose against the glass. “Wow. That was so, so fast.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Thank you, so much, dear...darling...dear...Diego.” With a happy sigh, she unbuckled her seatbelt - he was surprised she was able to do so so easily - and climbed out of his car. “Thank you, and have an -oof!”

In the spirit of dumb drunk decisions, Y/N had taken too big a step backwards and promptly fell, right down on her face. And then laid there groaning and mumbling to herself, while Diego stared at her from his side unsure what the hell to do.

“Dammit,” he muttered, and unbuckled his own seatbelt. He hurried out of the car and over to her side. “How much have you had to drink?!”

“Not that much! I mean, a little much, but not thaaaaat much!” Her lips pouted, staring up at him above her. “Why, how much have you had?”

“N-none. Nothing. Stop it.”

Y/N giggled and sat herself up in the grass. Her gaze moved from his to the sky, mapping the stars through a foggy gaze.

Diego just watched her, unsure what to do or say, as she smiled and watched and mumbled to herself something he could not even try to make out. He swallowed, hard, trying to free his mind or how strangely beautiful she looked, sitting with grass in her hair and tears of laughter staining her cheeks.

It was so strange to see someone who he had forced himself to avoid at all costs, someone who he had grown to see in only one specific light so open and free like that. Uncaring, smiling, drunk off her ass but clearly doing at least a bit better than he was. 

His mind went back to what she had said in the car, the small comment about hurt. Why had she been drinking? What had led her, someone of such strict schedule, out alone to a shitty bar in the middle of the night, alone, then to call him? Surely she had more people she’d rather talk to - at least people who’d be nicer about helping her home. Why was it him she turned to?

“Diego?”

He looked back down. “Yeah?”

“Gonna help me up, or are you gonna just stand over me and wait for me to take you down? Cause, you know, I will-”

“-yeah, yeah.” Taking her outstretched hands, he tugged her up, that time more gentle in case of injury. As well, careful not to pull her too close. “You...you need help up?”

“Hm? Oh, no, I should be fine. I’ll call my roommate down, she’s great at helping people.” She smiled cheerily. “You’d hate her.”

Diego did not take the bait, though. He simply held her gently and guided her forward, to the apartment complex doors. He paused, ready to let her go, and then, 

“Why wouldn’t you just call her to get you, then?”

Y/N gasped and covered her mouth with her hands, dropping them down immediately after. “And miss out on this terrific bonding experience between the two of us, dear-ling?”

“Well - I-I just mean-”

“-sorry, Diego,” she said, that time a little softer. “I just wanted to see you, is that so wrong?”

“W-w-”

“-don’t answer that, I’m too tired for more of your sharp wit tonight.” Her words bled sarcasm, but her eyes remained bright and happy despite. Y/N then moved close to him, stepping shakily forward so she stood just in front before lifting up to her tallest height. Awkwardly, her hands finding his biceps, she pressed a kiss to the area between his mouth and cheek, into day-old stubble he had almost forgotten about.

Diego shivered.

She pulled back, scrutinizing his skin with furrowed brows. “Hm...I think I mis...nevermind. You be safe, muffin….okay?”

Diego found he could not say a word to that all, struggling to even nod back a response. Luckily, Y/n didn’t seem to need one. She nodded happily and swayed away, into her apartment complex. He watched her lean against the wall and call her roommate, lips moving animatedly in what seemed a more interesting conversation that he thought such a thing would have been.

Then she pulled away, and their eyes met again. Hers alive and his frozen, struggling still to comprehend what the hell had happened in that twenty-minute drive.

She smiled at him.

He couldn’t bring himself to do a thing. Just waited, making sure someone came down to get her before turning back to his car.

Diego moved through the actions of getting in, forcing his body to keep going even when his mind was barely moving at all. Mechanically he fastened his seatbelt, long fingers slipping away without even a thought, moving to start the car up again.

But then fell from the wheel, and up to his face. A hand traced the skin her lips had just touched. The skin was dry, but he could still feel somehow the imprint of her mark, pressing into his skin and stubble and being.

And then the hand fell away. Went back to the car, peeling out of the lot and off back to his own place. It dared not touch the skin again, for fear of being burned.

Diego tried to forget about it. Tried to sleep, work out, push through the thoughts radiating through his mind as though it was frozen on just one screen and didn’t know how to exit unto another. He stayed up all night, trying to rid himself of the memory and the thoughts and feelings and the way her eyes looked so stupidly bright in the street lights.

When he finally was able to sleep, it was restless and filled with torments of memories he did his best not to think about. And yet every time, the dreams cycled back to her, the her crying out stupid monologues in the passenger seat of his car, animated and loud and laughing like he had never heard someone laugh before. Drunk and in pain and clearly holding back something and yet alive, in a way he had not seen another human be in a long time.

Her gaze on him, every single time, just before he would wake up, smiling from ear to ear.

“I just wanted to see you, is that so-”

-and then he woke up.

Every time, smiling like a stupid idiot.

PART TWO - here.

[maevemarethyu]

Unexpected (6/?)

(Not my GIF)

(This is my shitty border though. First try and all.)

You weren’t expecting it. Neither of you were.

That didn’t mean you weren’t happy with how it ended.

Bucky Barnes x Reader Fic.

Warnings: I don’t think there are any in this one? Sad Boi Hours, Firearms, A lot of dialogue from a lot of people.

“You haven’t heard from Frank? At all?” Karen worries over a cup of coffee the next day and you roll your eyes.

“Nope. I’ve tried calling him but, it goes straight to voicemail.” You sigh as you stare out the coffee shop window at the people passing by. “He’s fine though. I can feel it.”

“It’s not him we’re worried about.” Elektra snorts before reconciling her words. “Not that we’re particularly worried about which river they’re going to find Patrick in a few days from now.”

That brings a faint smile to your tired face. You doubt that your brother would actually kill Patrick. Frank had begun carving out a new life for himself here as and you knew he wouldn’t jeopardize it for the likes of Patrick Vaughn.

So, no, your brother wouldn’t kill him but, maiming wasn’t out of the question. A few broken bones wouldn’t lay too heavily on your conscience either.

Your phone goes off for the fifth time in as many minutes and you reach for it quickly.

“Ugh. Again? Who’re you texting that’s so important?” Elle groans, obviously slighted by the distraction. “This is the first time we’re seeing each other since you found out about Pat. We demand your undivided attention.”

“And you’ll get it.” You promise. “This is about my door needing to be fixed. Bucky asked me when I was free so he could get it done.”

The two women sat across from you share a look as you type out a response, laughing at the photo of Sam and Steve that was sent with it. It was abundantly clear the Captain America had no idea how to use a drill when you see him frustratedly trying to get it to turn on while Sam stands in the back, holding the battery in his hand, with a finger on his lips.

It was a comfort; knowing that the all mighty Avengers were just normal people.

“We’re calling him Bucky now?” Karen hums as she leers over the table. “And he’s offering to fix your door?”

You knew that tone and you knew what she was implying. For some reason it brings an irritated heat to your face.

Foggy had been implying the same things when you had called him last night and you weren’t sure how to broach the topic.

Sure, Bucky was a nice guy but, you knew he wasn’t over Claire and you definitely weren’t over Patrick no matter how much you wished you were. You couldn’t run away from fifteen years like he had and, just because everyone else was sick and tired of your previous relationship (which they had made abundantly clear in every call you made last night) you weren’t.

No. Your mind kept replaying all of the good times you had with your ex-husband. After what he had said to you yesterday, you wanted nothing more than to erase him from your mind but, it didn’t work that way.

Having Bucky, someone who was going through the same thing, helped immensely but, after he left last night and you were left alone with your thoughts, you crumbled. Your breakdown had almost been as bad as when you’d first met the super soldier. You were hurt and you wished your friends would stop telling you how much they hated the man you had been married to. It didn’t help. All it did was make you feel stupid and weak for not seeing the signs in the first place. They made you feel like shit every time they pointed out how poorly he treated you and they had no clue.

How do you tell your friends that? They were trying to be supportive but, it wasn’t the support you needed right now. Right now, you just needed someone to sit next to you and listen to you rant while watching cheesy movies and eating your favorite take out.

You needed Bucky as pathetic as that sounds.

“Yes. He’s fixing my door because Frank kicked it off of its hinges in a fit of rage last night.” You reply curtly when you realize you had been silent for an odd amount of time. “He should be at my place in a half hour so-“

“Okay, let’s get ready to go then.” Elektra cuts in. She’s pulling on her coat and throwing away your empty cups before you can protest. “What? I want to meet him and I’m sure Karen would too. Right Karen?”

She poses the sentence as a question but, you know it’s not. Her tone leaves no room for you to say no and you have to remind yourself that she was just trying to be there for you. The former assassin was still learning how to be someone’s friend and she often came off harsher than she meant to.

Forgoing a worded answer, Karen nods enthusiastically and you know you’re stuck. You knew that if you wanted to continue having a friendship with Bucky he would eventually have to meet your friends but, you weren’t sure if you were ready for that.

It wasn’t in Elektra’s nature to give you a choice though and you mentally resign yourself to it as you pull on your own coat and finish the muffin you had gotten for breakfast. The brunette smirks at you, knowing she’s won and Karen claps her hands giddily.

This wasn’t how you were expecting your day to go. You were hoping that you could go out to breakfast with your friends, go home, get your door fixed, and spend the rest of the day hanging out with Laysa and Bucky before collapsing back into bed so you weren’t dead on your feet tomorrow at work.

It would be your first day back since taking in the snow leopard cub and you had been counting down the days, now even more so.

Karen opens the door and you three make your exit onto the busy sidewalk. A cool breeze has you pulling your jacket tighter and you inhale the smell of the incoming fall season. The first day of October was quickly approaching and you hoped the changing of the seasons would help you adjust to the changes in your life.

“Let me just call Bucky to let him know that you guys are coming.” You voice when the thought pops into your mind that he might not want to meet your friends. He seemed okay with your brother but, that had been a whirlwind encounter that caught you both off guard. “I don’t want to spring this on him.”

Elektra purses her lips but shrugs instead of arguing.

When you look down at your phone, you’re shocked to see it already ringing with Bucky’s name being displayed on the screen. Once again a smile creeps onto your face at the sight as you press the answer button and bring the phone to your ear.

“Hey! I was just about to call. Is everything okay?” You chirp, signaling the girls to follow you as you begin the trek back to your house.

There’s a rumble on the other line and faint arguing that piques your curiosity and you’re trying to discern what’s being said when Bucky finally answers.

“Hey Doll.” He sounds out of breath and you have to wonder what has a super soldier like him breathing hard. “Everything’s fine. It’s just-“

“Y/N we wanna come over!” A voice that could only be Sam Wilson yells from the background, causing you to shake your head with a grin.

You hear James grumble something unintelligible before letting out a long sigh. “They want to meet you.”

“They being Sam and Steve?” You guess whilst biting your thumb, trying to hold back the peal of laughter that threatens to escape.

“Yes ma’am.” A much calmer voice comes through and you vaguely recognize it as Steve Rogers from yesterday’s call. His politeness is every bit what you would expect from America’s sweetheart.

“You’re free to say no.” Barnes cuts in. “Please say no.”

He was obviously in the same boat as you but, you weren’t throwing him a life vest anytime soon. If you go down. So does he.

“You can come on two conditions.” You hum and he groans. “One is that Steve never calls me ma’am again and two is whether or not you’re okay with meeting two of my friends that so rudely invited themselves.”

Karen sticks her tongue out at you childishly. When she does stuff like that it’s hard for you to picture her as the woman who stood up to Frank. The woman who shot an unarmed man all those years ago.

The thought suddenly strikes you that you and Foggy were the only people in your friend group that hasn’t committed murder.

You feel as though that should disturb you more than it actually does.

“Sam’s already on his bike.” Bucky’s deep chuckle snaps you out of your thoughts.

You bid him goodbye and find yourself walking with a bit more of a pep in your step. You didn’t want to think about why talking with the super soldier managed to dissipate your sour mood. You just accept it for what it was and continue walking.

“Was that a yes?” Karen coaxes whilst she loops her arm into yours, grabbing Elle as well.

Her excitement is palpable and you find yourself nodding. “You two are going to be meeting the ex-Winter Soldier, Captain America, and the Falcon.”

“Who wants to take bets on whether or not I get arrested?” Elle says it as a joke but, it opens a very real pit of anxiety in your stomach. Elektra had always been off most mainstream radars but, it was entirely possible that the Avengers know who she is.

Your blossoming mortification must show on your face because Karen swiftly elbows the brunette with a frown. “Why would you say that? No one’s getting arrested. Besides, its not as if you’re aren’t dating the best lawyer in New York City.”

Her words do little to quell the swelling storm in your gut but, you appreciate them nonetheless. Regardless, its too late to turn back when your home creeps into view, just in time for a trio of motorcycles to park in front of it.

None of the men are wearing helmets and you make a mental note to berate them later.

“That them?” Elle asks, feigning disinterest. She can pretend to not be apprehensive all she wants but, you can always tell when she’s lying. This is one of those times.

Meanwhile Karen is bouncing on the balls of her feet as if she wasn’t personally acquainted with several super humans, mutants, heroes, and villains.

Hearing your approach, Bucky turns to face you flashing an uneasy smile before opening his arms.

“Oh he’s hot as-“ You purposefully ignore the rest of Elektra’s sentence in favor of letting yourself be enveloped in James’ hug.

“Hey sweetheart. Sorry ‘bout this.” His voice is low in your ear and you have to fight the shiver that tries to run down your spine at the sound of it.

“Don’t you start apologizing.” You huff before reluctantly pulling away. “My girls are going to eat them alive.”

You wave over Karen and Elle brushing off their stunned stares as Bucky does the same.

“Bucky. This is Karen and Elle. Girls. This is Bucky.” While Elle hesitates to wave, Karen is grinning wide enough that it had you wondering if her cheeks hurt.

“Nice to meet you. I’m sorry it had to be under these conditions.” Elektra steps up when Karen blanks, shaking Bucky’s hand and nodding to the men behind him.

Captain America and the Falcon introduce themselves when James refuses to. Sam flashes you a mega watt smile that has you hiding a laugh behind a hand. Steve forgoes your offered hand and follows James’ suit, pulling you into a tight hug.

Steve’s mouth opens to say something but, is quickly cut off by Sam asking a question that makes your blood run cold.

“Hey, have we met before?” You don’t have to turn around to know he’s talking to Elle and you stiffen in Steve’s hold.

Peeling yourself away from the blond super soldier, you take your place next to Bucky and elbow him in his side.

Elektra shakes her head with a shrug. “I just have one of those faces-“

“Hey! Why don’t we head inside? I’ve gotta feed Laysa. You know how cranky she gets.” You cut in as you drag the brunet around your home and into the backyard. The back door was the only way in since Bucky nailed a few two by fours over the front door to keep it in place until he came back to fix it.

If Barnes notices your panic, he says nothing.

The back door unlocks with a click and you can hear Laysa as soon as the door opens. A smile creeps its way onto your face at the sound of mewling and, when you turn to face James, he’s wearing a matching grin.

You ask him to get her from the nursery while you get the bottle ready and he nods, motioning for the guys to follow him into your home.

“Smooth Kare.” Elle jokes when the blonde trips over the doorstep; obviously too entrance by the Falcon’s ass to pay attention to where she was walking.

“Shut up.” She hisses. “Can you blame me? I’ve never seen a group of men that good looking.”

“Karen.” You hum. “Super soldiers equal super hearing.”

Her face goes bright red and you do nothing stop the peal of laughter escaping your throat. It was a much-needed reprieve from the tension that had been tightening your muscles since stepping out of the coffee shop.

“Like Matt super hearing?” He worries, biting her lip and dutifully avoiding the office door as we pass by it.

That was a good question but, it wasn’t one you wanted the answer to anytime soon. For now you were walking the fine line of knowing heroes and vigilantes with no overlap. You wanted to keep a grasp on it for as long as you could. When lines blur, things get messy, and you had enough mess in your life as is.

“Who knows?” Elle sighs before taking a seat on your counter as you begin the process of heating up Laysa’s bottle. She seemed a bit too relaxed for a criminal who had almost been recognized and you absentmindedly wonder how long she could keep the act up. Elektra was the epitome of a strong woman but, everyone needed a place to crash. Matt was her place. Lord knows they earned each other.

The microwave beeping mixed with Karen’s hand waving in front of your face brings you back to reality.

“You okay?” She mouths as James and the others make their way into the kitchen. You wave off the question before taking the cub from James’ arms.

“That may be the coolest thing I’ve seen.” Sam grins and James rolls his eyes. “And I’ve seen a lot of cool things.”

“You do that often?” Steve’s eyes widen in fascination as Laysa eagerly latches onto the bottle. “Take in animals like that?”

“Y/N’s always looking to take work home. Before her it was the Macaws and before the Macaws it was-“ Elle trails off, snapping her fingers in frustration.

“Oh it was the Gharial baby with the nub leg.” Karen supplies while cooing over the cub. “Remember it bit Foggy and he had to get like five stitches? How’s he doing now?”

You remembered that night very well. More accurately, you remember Matt laughing his ass off when Foggy fainted at the sight of his own blood.

You loved that little reptile.

“He’s doing great now. Swims better than the rest of the clutch.” You reply, laughing when you hear Sam (not so quietly) asking Steve and Bucky if they knew what a Gharial was.

You choose to save the herpetology lesson for another time.

“Do you guys want anything to drink?” Elle asks, taking on the role of hostess while you’re indisposed and you shake your head before silently thanking her.

“I’m good, thanks. We better get started on the door.” James declines, petting the cub in your arm once more then walking out of the kitchen, toolbox in hand.

“You have fun with that Bonky. I’ll stay with the kitten.” You snort at the nickname Sam throws out and you file it into the back of your mind for later. “And Steve can’t figure out how the drill works so-“

The Captain flushes with a frown before grabbing the Falcon by the back of his collar and dragging him into the room Bucky had disappeared, leaving you alone with Elle and Karen.

Both of which were eyeing you with matching grins.

“No.” You deadpan. “Don’t even think-“

“So Bucky seems nice.” Karen voices. “Helpful too.”

“And hot.” Elle adds.

You groan.

Across the house, Bucky was diligently ignoring the probing stares of Steve and Sam wile removing the planks on the front door.

“So. How did the door break again?” Steve questions for the hundredth time since finding out about it last night. His best friend had been tight lipped about the aftermath of yesterday and, after seeing how Bucky was with you, he could understand why.

“Hand me the hammer.” He grunts while gently yanking the first piece of wood off the frame. James wasn’t sure if you’d be okay with the others knowing who your brother was so, he chose silence, much to the Falcon’s irritation.

“Doubt the ex kicked it down.” The aforementioned bird continues. “Man barely looked like he could lift a chair let alone break down a solid door.”

Bucky wants to comment that you ex wasn’t a man as much as he was a rat as you so eloquently put it yesterday. He takes the hammer from his friend’s hand and uses it to pry another set of nails out. The ex- Winter Soldier refused to leave you in a house with no front door and, after a silent staring contest that lasted all of three minutes, you caved, showing him to your basement filled with half finished projects. Apparently, you were quite the handy person yourself but never finished anything due to lack of free time.

Luckily for him, you had been meaning to replace the doorframe for some time and you already had all of the parts and pieces he needed.

“The world may never know.” Bucky grumbles with a roll of his eyes, effectively putting an end to the door questions. He had been looking forward to another quiet day, away from the pitying eyes of his team and, if he were being honest with himself, seeing you again. He didn’t have to pretend to be okay around you and you didn’t push him to talk about things he wasn’t ready to say out loud.

Laysa wasn’t a bad incentive either.

Your house had quickly become a safe place for him. Something you made sure he knew when you both said your goodbyes last night.

Steve’s phone goes off and the Captain wastes no time in opening the new text message. “Claire’s filed for a transfer. Nat just got the request.”

For a split second, Bucky pauses. For some reason, he had thought that his ex-wife would have put up a bit more of a fight for him. A part of him wished she would have put her foot down, said no to the divorce and demanded they work things out.

He would have said no but, knowing that she had given their relationship up so quickly stung. Steve and Natasha knew that he still had love for Claire and were hesitant to bring her up, while the others kept telling him how glad they were that she was gone.

Suddenly the image of you landing a punch to Claire’s cheek pushes the thought from his mind and he regains control over his body.

“Wait. Nat got the request?” Sam questions. “Isn’t that a Maria thing?”

The bird-man had a good point. Claire was a SHIELD agent and that was Maria Hill’s turf.

“As if that was going to stop her.” Steve chuckles. “Romanoff doesn’t concern herself with minor legalities.”

James couldn’t complain. This was Natalia’s way of showing she cared and he appreciated it more than she knew. He was sure hell would freeze over before Claire stepped foot in the Avengers’ Compound again.

The Captain pockets his phone once more and watches his best friend work. The way Bucky’s whole body relaxed when he saw you outside hadn’t escaped his watchful eye. Even if he had managed to miss that, the way he had opened his arms to you without a second thought sure as hell would have caught the blond’s attention.

Bucky had gotten better with people touching him but, he still avoided it as much as he could. His best friend hadn’t gone out of his way to hug someone since before the war. Steve wasn’t oblivious, he could see the hurt that lingered in the ex- Winter Soldier’s eyes and he’d seen it mirrored in your own. The moment you walked yourself into Bucky’s arms the Captain knew that there was something between the two of you; a mutual understanding of one another’s pain.

No doubt Sam was going to tease him about it later but, Steve was happy. He couldn’t pretend to know what his best friend was going through right now. He was just glad that he had you to go through it with.

Minutes pass in blissful silence and Bucky has to restrain himself from strangling Sam when he breaks it with a corny joke.

“You guys should go to the zoo. I heard they offer senior discounts.”

While Steve frowns, a grin crawls onto Bucky’s face. He stays silent for a moment as he relishes what he’s about to say next.

“You’re a little late to that train. Already made that joke yesterday.” You take the words out of James’ mouth when you enter the room with Laysa clumsily trailing behind you.

“Oh that’s cold.” The Falcon grumbles and the sheer disappointment on his face brings a chuckle out of Bucky’s chest. He turns to find you smirking at the air force veteran while rolling your eyes.

Elle passes you and grabs a remote off of the coffee table. Sam’s words from earlier come to the forefront of Bucky’s mind. Your friend does seem eerily familiar but, he just couldn’t put his finger on why. Her standoffishness reminds him of Natalia in a way but, other than that, she seemed like a completely normal woman.

After hitting a few buttons music pours out of the television, filling the silence with a low tune.

Sam, ever the conversationalist, decides to break the awkward tension. “So, do you guys work with Y/N?”

Karen shakes her head. “Oh god no. That’s too much school for me. I’m a journalist and I work at our friend’s law firm as an assistant part time. Never a dull moment there.” She finishes sarcastically and, as normal people do, Sam and Steve look towards Elektra next.

Your breath catches in your throat when she clears her throat. “I’m a personal trainer. Moved here from Greece a few years back to live with my boyfriend.”

Her answer is surprisingly normal and you applaud her for adding the personal touch.

“She’s actually dating one of my best friends, Matt. He was one of the lawyers that got our papers together.” You fill in a couple blanks to make the story more believable. “And we of course know what you guys do for a living. Saving the world must be a dangerous way to get paid.”

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Karen and Elle struggle to keep a straight face. They were no stranger to danger (Elektra being the danger most of the time) and you all knew it.

“Someone’s gotta do it.” Sam boasts with a puffed out chest.

Steve is more subtle. “We try our best to keep people safe.”

Conversation flows steadily from that point on with Sam and Karen picking up the slack from Elle and Bucky. An hour passes in what feels like seconds and you’re fearing that Karen has finally met her match when Bucky and Steve shoot to a standing position.

Its an odd sense of déjà vu when James backs away from the door to stand in front of you just as it’s kicked in once more.

There’s no cloud of dust this time and you can clearly see the form of your brother rushing in with a hand on his weapon.

“Y/N! Are you okay? I saw-“ He trails off when he sees the three men in the living room.

“Are you kidding me?!” You yell, pushing James aside then stomping your way to your brother. “Again Frankie?! Again?!”

Despite your anger, you’re relieved to see that he’s not covered head to toe in blood but, that doesn’t stop you from smacking him upside his head. “What part of you have a key don’t you get? Stop kicking down my damn door!”

Frank’s posture relaxes immediately and he shrugs sheepishly. “I saw the bikes and I thought-“

“Thought what?! That I was being murdered at noon on a Monday?” As soon as the words leave your mouth you wish you can take them back. You remember how bright the sun was shining the day your brother lost his entire family. “I’m sorry. I know you’re just looking out for me because you’re a great big brother and I love you for it. Can you just do that without busting down my poor door?”

Sam lets out a quiet what the hell at your admission. His shock warms your heart- not because your brother’s reputation proceeds himself but, because Sam’s surprise tells you that Bucky hadn’t told the Avengers about Frank. A secret that was now moot.

“Nat’s gonna freak when she finds out.” Sam chuckles behind you and, once again, déjà vu creeps up your spine.

Déjà vu that turns into a shiver when a low and feminine voice cuts through the air. “Nat already knows and she came down here to make sure you three don’t get turned into pink mist and a memory. Looks like there was no need.”

You can see a speck of red hair from behind your brother’s hulking frame. This whole situation was getting more ridiculous by the moment and you revert to your wish for a quiet day.

You could handle one Avenger. Tolerate three. But add another, your brother, Elektra, and Karen to the mix? It was too much.

“Hey danger.” She adds, bumping your brother’s shoulder with a wink. You had to hand it to the woman. She knows what she wants and she goes for it. Her blatant flirting obviously catches Frank off guard and all he can manage is a furrowed brown and wide eyes. “You don’t seem too shocked by this Barnes.”

“Not my story Natalia.” His response is simple and to the point but it still brings a smile to your face.

Shaking off your surprise, you then grab your brother by his arm and wave Natasha into your home. 

“I guess that answers our door question, Cap.” Sam chuckles.

The aforementioned Captain stares at you with wide blue eyes. You’d think for a century old man he’d have seen it all but, watching you manhandle the most gruesome vigilante in New York (ex-vigilante he reminds himself) wasn’t something he was prepared for. Steve know understood what Bucky meant when he said you were something.

“Kare- check him. Make sure he isn’t hiding any stab wounds or bullet holes from me.”

The petit blonde takes his hand with a smile before leading him away from the group. You didn’t put it past your brother to have just shoved gauze into an open wound and call it a day.

You unconsciously gravitate back to James and you don’t realize it until he lays a hand on your shoulder.

“At least I was just measuring when he kicked it down. I can have it fixed in no time.” His reassuring smile coupled with Laysa now rubbing against your leg calms your frazzled nerves. Your house hasn’t been this lively in years and, although you know you should embrace it, you were tired.

“Tweedle dee and tweedle dum. Castle isn’t the only reason I came here. We have a mission.” The redhead points to the Captain and Falcon. Both men stand at attention and you have the gnawing feeling that although Steve was the captain, Natasha was the leader. “Nice meeting you Y/N.”

You watch with a raised brow as she crosses the empty threshold once more before answering with a weak you too.

She pauses and looks up at the cracked door frame with a frown. “Barnes you’re in this one too but, finish this up first.” Steve and Same both bid their goodbyes before following the woman out. You don’t let out the breath you’ve been holding until you hear three motorcycle start up and disappear down the street.

Karen comes back out- frowning at the now empty room before she shakes her head. “He’s clean but it doesn’t look like he’s slept in days.”

You scoop Laysa up with a frown. He was having his nightmares again and it had you worried. Guilt creeps into your veins when the thought crosses your mind. Patrick hurting you might have dredged up the past for Frank which explains why he rushed in earlier.

“I’ll take him hom-“

“No. I’ll take him. You have enough on your plate right now he won’t talk to you. You know that.” Karen bites her thumb after cutting you off. You could never piece together the nature of the bond she and your brother shared but, you’re happy that it’s there nonetheless. She was right, Frank would rather die than add his own problems to your full plate.

“Thank you.” You nod solemnly and she disappears from sight. Moments later you hear the back door close and you sigh.

“That’s my cue. Matt and I have plans for tonight and I’ve gotta get ready. You know- limber up.” Elektra stands with a cat-like grin. Her words have James coughing in shock and you snort. You almost want to tell Bucky the truth but you knew telling an Avenger that your blind best friend and his girlfriend were planning on canvasing the city to fight bad guys wasn’t the best plan, so you leave him to his embarrassment then give the woman a hug.

“I’ll talk to you both later. Be careful.” Out of the corner of your eye you see a blush burn onto Barnes’ face. Maybe it was cruel to tease him like this but, no one said that cruel couldn’t be funny.

She disappears in a flash of black hair, leaving you and Bucky blissfully alone.

“That was something.” You groan before plopping onto the couch. Of the several scenarios you had run through your head of meeting Bucky’s friends- the one that just transpired wasn’t one of them.

“It could’ve been worse.” He shrugs, picking up the forgotten door in an amazing display of muscle that has your eyes lingering on his back. “I think your brother and Natalia showing up added a bit of spice.”

You slam a pillow over your face hoping that it would somehow erase the memory of the last twenty minutes from your mind. “Weren’t you born in the twenties or something? Didn’t think you could handle spice.”

The playful jab has him shaking his head with a smile.

“I’ll have you know that I’ve eaten Carolina Reaper wings before. I can handle spice just fine.”

The pillow over your face muffles the snort that leaves your throat at his defense. The mention of the infamous pepper brings up an old memory from college.

“I almost killed Foggy with Reaper wings. He didn’t know what they were and, after eating one, he rushed for anything to stop the burn. He ended up grabbing a brownie laced with Black Scorpion pepper. Immediately started throwing up.” You find the strength to remove the pillow from your head with a bright laugh. “He had to chug half a gallon of milk to stop.”

Those had been easier times. Back when the three of you had the whole world ahead of you.

“Who laces brownies with pepper?” The man across the room frowns. “That’s just wrong.”

“Hey! It was a Halloween party. Trick or Treat.”

“Remind me to never come to one of your parties then.”

You gasp in indignation ready to fire back with I’ll have you know that I used to throw great parties before you think better of it. You stopped throwing parties years ago because Patrick never hid how much he disliked parties and your friends in general.

The thought of your ex-husband douses you in cold water causing a shiver to run down your spine. Instead of answering, you run your fingers through Laysa’s soft fur to calm yourself down. Glancing at James across the room, it appears as though he lost in thought as well. The clock on the wall strikes one in the afternoon.

It has officially been twenty-four hours since you both confronted your spouses. It was a thought that was both liberating and terrifying.

“We’re going to be okay. Right?” The words escape you before you can bottle them back up and, when Bucky freezes, you wish you could take them back.

“Yeah. We’re going to be better than okay Doll. Maybe not today but, eventually.” His deep voice wavers slightly causing you to worry your lip between your teeth. You had the feeling he wasn’t normally this open with his friends and an odd mix of feelings swirl in your chest; relief, a little bit of pride, and another that you couldn’t quite put your finger on.

Regardless it’s that feeling you can’t put a finger on that has you standing up. “Natasha said you have a mission?”

“Yeah. S’gonna be a rough one if all of us have been called in.” This time there is no waver of worry in his voice. He’s firm and matter of fact in a way the reminds you of your brother and Matt. That didn’t make you fear for his safety any less.

You decide to follow the same routine as you do with your friends who like to put themselves in dangerous situations on a regular basis.

“Do you have time for a home cooked meal before you go?”

Once again the man pauses but, this time he turns to you slowly as a smile grows on his handsome face.

“Yeah sweetheart. I’d like that.

Tags: @luthien-t​ @vicmc624 @cherryblossomskye​

[evermorehaikyuu]

▬◊☆Memories

A/N: Seeing as someone requested part two of Konoha’s angst, which is right here, I have decided to do it and also, late birthday fic because why not? Let’s get started.

~

Y/N usually went by every Saturday to check up on Konoha. And on that one fateful day where she was told that he had woken up, she hadn’t expected for him to lose all of his memories. He only recalled his own name and the look that he had given her, that look. It wasn’t pitiful, it was merely curious as to why she was there and holding his hand. 

It made her mad.

Not at him, of course. None of it was his fault. It wasn’t his fault that he was stuck in a coma for three years, it wasn’t that he should’ve been careful. Y/N was the one that let him go out of rage and he ended up getting hit by a truck. Luckily he survived.

But now I can’t ever apologize, Y/N thought as she stuck her hands in her pockets, head hung as she walked along the sidewalk. She could apologize, but it’d be like begging forgiveness from a doorknob. He didn’t even know what was going on and that burden would be awful on him. 

It had been a month since he woke up and she hadn’t gone back. She couldn’t bear to face him again, not with those eyes. They used to be full of love and adoration for her, even when she was blinded with fury. And somehow she had the brilliant idea of letting him go. No joy came out of that, only sadness. That should’ve proved something.

Grabbing a coffee and a muffin from a random cafe that she had never been to, she decided to be brave and go back. The walk there was shorter than she had expected and the receptionist looked up at her and allowed her to walk to Konoha’s room. She knew that Konoha would be too weak to do anything, he had resorted to a newborn child. Maybe that was another reason why she had avoided him.

Knocking on the door, she saw his doctor talking quietly to him and Konoha nodding slowly. The doctor looked up at Y/N and said, “Ah, perfect timing, come on in. I have wonderful news.”

“Did he get his memories back?” Y/N said, hope clear in her voice.

The doctor shook his head. “No, but he’s out of his minimally conscious state, which is a massive improvement. When you saw him, he was conscious but seconds after you left, he had fallen asleep again. He’s been doing exercises and he appears to be fine, he’s getting his strength back. He hasn’t resorted to a mere child. However, there isn’t much we can do about his memories.”

Y/N walked over and sat down next to him, shamelessly staring at his eyes, the blanket covering him and the IV next to him. 

“Hey, you’re that girl right?” Konoha asked sweetly. “Why did you run off?”

Y/N swallowed and looked at the doctor for help. He replied, “I think it would be better if you talked to him. It could help him regain some memories back. Not all of them. Just enough to make him...understand.” With those words, he left, closing the door behind him.

Looking back at Konoha, she took a deep breath and started talking. “I don’t know how to say this subtly, but it’s my fault you’re in this position.”

“Oh?” Konoha tilted his head, his expression looking like that of a curious puppy. “And you’re not going to tell me your name?”

Her heart couldn’t help but race, that personality of his hadn’t changed. It felt like a different version of their first meeting and somehow Konoha still acted just as coquettish as he had when they started talking. She rolled her eyes playfully and said, “Y/N L/N.”

“Y/N….hmm, it’s a pretty name. It suits you.” He grinned at her and she sighed.

“It doesn’t matter if you’re in a coma, you’ll still have this personality.” Y/N lifted her hand as if to stroke his hair back yet hesitated. He was awake and she was a total stranger to him. It was better when he was asleep, he wouldn’t be able to tell if it was her. 

“You can do it. I don’t mind.” Konoha looked down at her hand and smiled a bit. “You used to do it all the time, didn’t you?”

“Didn’t think you’d remember that.” With his permission, she started brushing his hair back, running her fingers through the strands with a gentle smile on her face. He started blinking, his eyelids drooping until she said sternly, “Don’t fall asleep yet.”

“Why not?”

“Because...because I don’t know if you’ll wake up.” Y/N said, wincing at the words. She sounded pathetic to herself, as if hoping that Konoha would have enough energy to stay awake. He had just gotten out of a three year state of unconsciousness, maybe sleep would be a blessing to him. 

“I’ll wake up. I always do.” Konoha reassured her, shutting his eyes at the renewal of her stroking his hair. It brought comfort to him, this stranger that knew him but he didn’t know. The look in her eyes was enough to break him. Racked with guilt, desperation, maybe hope as well. He wished he knew her. Perhaps when he woke up she’d still be there. 

The feeling was strange. He had only known her for less than a day and already his stomach twisted from the sight of her. It wasn’t anything malicious, but something about her drew her to him. If only he had his memories back.

Y/N had fallen asleep right after Konoha, her head in his lap. It was an uncomfortable position, but somehow bringing solace to her. Staying by his side was all she needed, if he allowed her to be there. And luckily, he hadn’t shoved her away nor had he called the doctor to call security. The look in his eyes was the same one she had seen when they first met. All those years making platonic memories together before they realized they felt something more for the other.

~

“And that’s my foolproof plan of how to ask the girl out!” Konoha said proudly, crossing his arms and grinning at Y/N, who was currently sitting in a bean bag with chips in her hands.

Monotonously, she replied, “And somehow you haven’t covered the part where she will reject you.”

“Would it kill you to be on my side and not say anything snarky for one day?!” That was their normal routine, they always made fun of one another and they loved it. The girl Konoha was talking about was right in front of him and he was trying to see if she’d give anything up, any clue that this would work. Would she reject him? Nah. But would she?

“Yeah, it would, sunshine, now your brilliant plan sucks. You’re not getting her flowers and you’re not going to climb into her window to leave stuff there, that’s stalkerish, creepy and she’d see you as...what’s the word...you know the girl that was obsessed with--”

“Are you calling me a yandere?”

“Yep.” She grinned as she popped another chip in her mouth and offered some to him. He groaned and put his forehead on her shoulder. “What if she does say no?”

“Well, she’d be an idiot but that would mean you have more time to not worry about anything. So calm down, she’ll love you.”

~

What Y/N hadn’t known on that day was that it was her, she was the one he was crushing on . The feeling had been mutual and he had been the happiest he had ever been. Of course, up to this point. 

When Konoha woke up again, he could feel his little hunger coming back to him. He was only allowed a bit of food so as to not upset his stomach. But looking down carefully, he saw Y/N sleeping on his lap and the sight made him smile for the first time since he woke up. Carefully, he put his hand on her hair, running his hand through the tresses.

The movement made Y/N stir awake and look at him with the same look she had given him when he had woken up for the first time. Shamelessly, she asked, “Do you remember anything?”

“It’s not like we’re in a fairy tale, my dear Y/N.” Konoha didn’t even know how easy it was to talk to her, if only he did get the memories back.

Clicking on a button to ask for food, he looked at her. “I would share, but I’m hungry.”

Making her laugh, she placed her hand on his shoulder and nodded. “I’ll see you next week.”

“What about tomorrow?” He asked, obvious hope in his eyes. Had he imprinted on her that easily? Maybe his memories could be coming back slowly with every minute that she was there. She nodded, already planning to cancel anything that she would have the next day. His doctor was walking down the hallway and she asked, “Is it possible that--”

“Yes. It is entirely possible that happy triggers may assert his brain into a state where he recalls several bits of his past before the accident. Take you, for example. He may not remember you but a part of his brain does, thus simultaneously inserting back serotonin and pieces of what he does envision.”

With that answer, she decided that she’d go back as many times as she could.

~

A year of this had gone by. Within three months of his awakening, Konoha had been allowed to go home and Y/N took him into her house as she was his first contact in case of an emergency. He had been watched carefully and to be honest, Y/N had never felt more relieved.

Nine months later, he was able to walk around at a normal pace and actually was able to do a lot of things he couldn’t do six months previously. Y/N was always there for him, chiding herself if she ever thought of leaving him behind. 

“You don’t need to be with me all the time, you know?” Konoha said, kissing the top of her head. “I’m okay. I can walk normally now and you know, even if I don’t remember everything about us, I do remember how we went out.”

“Because I told you and you decided to forget that too!” Y/N replied.

He started laughing and shook his head. “No, I call it a selection of memories.”

Maybe it was a selection but as she put her head on his chest and his arms wrapped around her waist to pull her closer, she didn’t care. He chose her again. Even through everything he had gone through, he chose her again. Closing her eyes with a soft smile, she started drifting back to sleep as he stroked her hair, humming their song.

“I love you, “ he mumbled. “I always will.”

“I love you too.”

The promise of loving Y/N that he had made to himself had never once been broken for the rest of their lives.

[fangirlxwritesx67]

Taken By The Wind

Taken By The Wind: A Sam Winchester x Rowena McLeod Love Story

Tags: 18+, sex, explicit sex, consent, size kink. Excessive descriptions of Rowena being gorgeous.

Author’s Note Chapter 1: You Naughty Boy After Chapter 1: Wildfire Chapter 2: Why Thank You Chapter 3: Yes Please After Chapter 3: Hours Chapter 4: Green Velvet Chapter 5: Locked On You Chapter 6: For You, Always After Chapter 6: Whipped Chapter 7: Purple Roses Chapter 8: Heather Interlude: True Chapter 9: Filthy Sweet Chapter 10: Taken By The Wind, 3000 words *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Heavy cold rain fell in wind-driven sheets as the thunderstorm raged. Inside the bunker, the Winchesters were safe and dry.  Sam and Dean had strayed from discussing a case to debating a very serious matter: whether baking powder biscuits or multigrain muffins went better with slow-cooker beef stew.

The door to the bunker crashed open, letting in a gust of damp air. The Winchesters jumped to their feet in sync, guns drawn, unsure what to expect.

“Hello, boys.” They heard the lilting voice before her face came into view over the iron railing. “Ooh, not quite the welcome I was expecting after so long away.” 

Rowena brushed a damp curl off her face and tucked it behind her ear. 

“Are you two going to stand there and point weapons at me all day? Or can I come down?"

Sam was still too stunned to respond. He heard Dean behind him lay his gun on the table and then walk out of the room, murmuring about the stew, leaving them alone together. 

"Samuel?"  Her voice was soft, pleading as she said his name. 

His heart leapt into his throat, silencing any response. She had been missing for weeks, months, vanished without a trace. He had assumed she was gone forever. 

It was her- finally, improbably her. He sighed and let his shoulders relax, setting his gun down before he bounded towards the stairs. *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Rowena rushed down, heels clicking, and they met at the landing. Two steps up, she was still shorter than him, and she had to reach her arms up to encircle his neck. He grabbed for her eagerly, pulling her into a close embrace. He needed to touch her, to feel her, to know she was real. Their mouths sought and found one another desperately.

"Rowena." He murmured, breathlessly, between kisses. "I thought I'd lost you."

“It’s me, Sam, I'm home,” she choked out, somewhere between a laugh and a sob. Minutes stretched before they finally pulled apart just a little. 

Sam cupped her cheek in one hand and looked deep into her eyes. “So, where have you been?" 

Rowena stepped back, straightening her skirts and smoothing her windblown hair. She pulled her usual poise around her like armor. 

“Well, that’s quite a story, and I don’t fancy telling it more than once. I think I smell beef stew, so let’s all talk over dinner, shall we?” Sam let her go, watched her turn and walk towards the kitchen. She paused to look back over her shoulder, her face inscrutable. 

“Be a gentleman, would you, and take my luggage to my room before we eat?” 

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sam lifted her suitcases - so much luggage for one little woman! - and carried them down the hall to her room. Pushing open the door and turning on the light, he inhaled the familiar scent of incense, spices, and wax. 

He had left her room alone all the time she had been gone. It was just good manners, at first, because people did come and go in the bunker, and no one wanted their room disturbed. 

As the weeks stretched on, politeness succumbed to grief. Just walking by her door made his heart ache. The memories of the hours they had shared were painful to recall. He had gone in a few times, but it brought him no comfort. Her things - all her beautiful, magical things - only reminded him of how much he had lost.

He had searched for clues to her disappearance, for a way to bring her back. He never found answers, only more questions. Every hope he tried to grasp turned to ash under his touch.

Without her, the bunker had seemed too harsh, too cold and empty. Even having his brother around had not been enough to make it feel like home. He knew he loved her, had even told her. He still didn’t realize how much he loved her, how much he needed her, until she was gone. 

The worst part was that he had no idea what had happened. Where was shehad she gone? Had she intended to leave? For a hunter who prided himself on research, on knowledge, the endless doubt was unbearable. 

He had missed her so much. Now she was here again, returned just as suddenly as she had gone. 

Sam realized he was sitting on the foot of her bed, his head in his hands. Too many emotions were roiling in his chest. He sighed and ran his hands through his hair, then pulled himself together and left the room.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Sam found Rowena holding court in the kitchen, drinking wine and laughing as she talked with Cas and Jack. Dean was setting out bowls of stew and a big basket of biscuits. So he had won that argument.

Dean looked up and gave his brother a familiar look, one that Sam knew without words. Are you okay?

He returned the look with a little shrug and smile, one that was understood just as well. Not really, but here we are.

Sam settled into the seat next to Rowena. He was grateful that his family kept the dinner conversation light, filling the time with bits of stories and interesting things. But Jack’s curiosity got the better of him. 

“Auntie Ro,” he asked, his face guileless as ever. “Where have you been? We missed you. Well, Sam missed you the most, but we all did, really."

Rowena shot him a glance that looked almost guilty before drawing a bright smile across her face. “Well now, wee Jackie boy, I'm glad you asked!”

She was a natural storyteller, and this story was an astounding one. The emotional turmoil in Sam’s mind quieted as he settled in to the flow of her words.  A spell had gone wrong, somehow, a word misspoken or a herb picked at the incorrect phase of the moon. It wasn’t entirely clear, somehow she had ended up in another world parallel to this one, but where she had everything she had ever wanted.

“Imagine it, boys!” Her face lit up, just remembering. “You thought I was powerful here? I had all the power in the world there. And money, so much money, although I hardly needed it. I was the head of a worldwide coven. I was no longer outcast; I had sisters again.” 

Her expression grew soft for just a moment before she shook her head and continued. 

“I had followers, people who believed I was the goddess Rhiannon, reincarnated. They sent me offerings.” She lapsed into silence, remembering what she had lost.

Sam smiled wryly. "Sounds like your heaven."

Rowena shot him a look he couldn't read. "Or hell. You know, it's not all it's made out to be, being a goddess, having everything. It got old, that’s all.” She set her lips in a tight smile and tossed her hair, making it clear she was done talking. 

Sam looked at Dean. His eyes were narrowed. He turned to meet his brother’s gaze and raised one eyebrow. Are you buying this story?

Sam nodded; that’s what he had thought. She's not lying, but this isn't the whole truth.

Dean spoke up, changing to another topic. Sam took the moment to reach for Rowena’s hand under the table, and she laced her fingers into his. They were silent under the flow of conversation. She shifted gradually until their chairs were close together, her thigh pressed up against the length of his.

He wasn’t sure, exactly, when her head came to rest on his shoulder, when his arm slipped around her waist. He was distracted by the smell of her perfume, the feeling of her nails gently stroking his skin. He could hardly think of anything but the warmth and closeness of her, and his desire to get her alone.

He started to attention when Dean pushed his chair back and stood up. “You know, I think I could head to the library for a whiskey. Cas, Jack, you in?”

Sam made a show of yawning. “I’d join you, but I’m really tired.”

Rowena raised a dainty hand to her mouth. “It has been a long day.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “Yeah, like we don’t all know. The way you two've been looking at each other could turn this old bunker back into a power station.”

“What do you mean, Dean? What do we all know?”  As the others left the room, Sam could hear Jack’s questions trailing down the hall. 

The moment they were out of sight, Sam turned to Rowena. He held out his hands, reaching for her. She threw her arms around his shoulders, running her fingers up into his hair as they kissed. 

"Wait." It took all of Sam's iron self control to pull away. He took her hands in his, holding them. Looking her full in the face, he asked, "What really happened?"

"I told you my story. I would never lie to you!” Her eyes were wide, her voice earnest.

“Okay.” Sam huffed out a sigh. “I believe it was true, but was it the truth?”

She bit her lip and cast her gaze downwards. “My spell was meant to bring me the things I wanted here, in this world, not to take me away."

"I did get everything I wanted - power, money, devotion. But it was never enough. No matter how much I had, how happy I should’ve been, something was missing. I was in control, but miserable. I saw faces in the shadows but could never bring them to light." Her voice was trembling as she spoke.

“One night I looked into a candle's flame and saw a face I knew.” Tears flooded her green eyes as she looked up at him again. “Your face. “You did a spell, didn’t you, a spell to bring me back?” 

“Rowena, you know I hate using magic to control people.” Sam felt his heart sink in regret. She had everything, and he had called her away. “I only wanted to find you.”

“Oooh no, I was lost. I’m so glad you found me.” She slipped one hand up, around the back of his neck again, and pulled him down for a kiss. 

"So you intended to come back?" He murmured the questions against her jawline, under her ear and down her neck.

He felt as much as heard her laugh, "Yes."

"Of your own free will?"

She cupped his face between her delicate hands, drawing his gaze to meet hers again. "Of my own free will, Sam, I came back to you."

There were other questions, other stories to be told, but for the moment that's all he needed to know. He lifted her as if she was weightless, scooping her into a bridal carry, striding out of the kitchen and back down the hall towards her room. She undid his shirt as he walked, nails raking his skin, pressing kisses to every newly exposed inch of flesh.

Inside Rowena’s room, he paused. The room was dark until she snapped her fingers and candles around the room flared into flame. Without letting her go, he settled down on the bed. Their hands roamed one another's bodies until both were bare.

For a moment Sam stilled, looking at her. In the candlelight, her skin was flushed and tinged with gold, shadows edging her curves. He could see, like never before, the aura of magic surrounding her, tiny purple bolts arcing off her skin. She looked every inch a goddess, worthy of worship.

She held out her hands, and he wrapped her in his arms. Lifting her in his grasp, he buried his face in the curve of her neck, twining his hands in her hair. He wanted to smell her, taste her, grab her - flood his senses with her presence. 

He inhaled, taking in her scent as deep as he could. After all those weeks apart, he needed to be sure she was real, not some wish or fleeting dream here to haunt him. He could almost taste the sweet spice of her skin, and underneath it, faintly, the aroma of heather. 

He trailed his lips across the delicate angles of her collarbone, down her chest, pressing kisses and praise against her velvety skin. His hands skimmed down the ladder of her ribs to cup her breasts. The base of his thumb pressed into her heartbeat.

“I love you,” he murmured against her pulse point. “Love to- love you-” 

Her grip tightened around him, sharp nails digging into his shoulders as she rose up against him. She would mark him, as she always had, all the way to his soul. She was breathing hard, shaking with desire and anticipation.

Sam rolled onto his side and pulled Rowena to face him. Their lips met again and again, as his hands skimmed her body, caressing and claiming. His hand settled on the curve of her hip and his grip tightened. She fit into his grasp just as perfectly as he remembered. 

“Rowena,” he murmured, “My Queen.” 

“Samuel.” Their eyes met as she whispered his name. Her face was luminous with desire and pleasure, her body almost vibrating with need. The magic sparking off her skin crackled around them, enveloping them in light. 

She ground into him, pressing her body closer along the length of his. His fingers sought and found the dimples at the top of her ass. Spanning her waist in his hand, he pressed her hips close. The two of them shifted until she had him right where he wanted to be. A sigh punched from his lips as he slid into her. She was hot and close and-

“Perfect.” He whispered as he sank into her body. It was his last coherent thought as she began to move, against and around him. His eyes fluttered closed, his lips fell open, as something in his soul came unlocked. 

His whole world shrank to the moment, to the two of them together. All he knew, all he wanted, was her. He needed to get closer, to be together, to get lost, oh, he could get so lost in her.

Rowena’s lilting voice reached Sam's ears. She was cursing, panting, pleading. He knew that sound, the filthiest prayer, and would do anything just to hear it over and over. Her words faded into a low cry as she clenched around him. 

Her name tore from his throat, and the whole world went black as he came. 

When he opened his eyes again, her gaze was locked on his. She sighed and fell back against her pillow, red curls spilling everywhere. Her chest heaved with every breath, freckled breasts flushed. Her green eyes were wide, her lashes wet. 

This was how he had dreamed of her every night she was gone- soft, satisfied, incandescent. He could hardly believe she was real and once again in his bed.

He propped himself up one one arm and kissed her deeply, tenderly, fingers brushing her face and hair. She was bare before him, open and trusting. She had given him her body, over and over. But more important, she had given her soul. 

Finally Rowena nuzzled into his shoulder and spoke without looking at him. "Tell me the spell that you did, the one that found me."

Sam had a cord around his neck, a tiny wrapped packet at the end. He slipped it off and handed it to her. Without unfolding the paper inside, he repeated the words of the spell.

“But that spell requires silver heather. We have grey, but true silver has been extinct since before my lifetime. What did you use instead?”

“I thought, since I had it, purple heather might work. Especially given what it means to us."

Rowena was silent for a moment, considering the spell in her hands. Finally she reached up and caressed his cheek gently, pulling his eyes to meet her gaze.

“Do you know what you did, my dear?” He shook his head and she continued. “When you used purple heather, you changed the spell. Instead of simply finding love, which can be a bit vague, you set an intention to find your lost love. Your magic was powerful enough to find me and guide me back home." 

A soft smile spread across her beautiful face.

“Home?” Sam gestured to the bunker walls around them. For him and Dean, it had become a home, but as often as Rowena had been there, it had never been hers. By choice or by fate, she had walked a more lonely path. 

“No, my love, home. Not these four walls.” She laughed, a throaty, musical sound. 

Sam was overwhelmed. He had never dreamed that his magic could be so powerful, could do more than his will and intention. He was still trying to reconcile the story she had told -of her every wish fulfilled- with her willingness to return here, return to him. 

Rowena rested one hand over his heart, pulling his attention back to her in the moment. “Home to you. I had everything I have ever worked for, all that I thought I desired, but it wasn’t enough without you. Your magic brought me back. You called my heart home.” 

“Rowena,” he said, and then his voice broke. The only words he could summon were deeply inadequate, but he whispered them anyway. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Wherever you are, I belong.” Her eyes were bright, her tone warm. “That’s why I came back to you, and I promise to stay.”

He lowered his mouth and kissed her again. Something between a sigh and a sob escaped her lips. All through the night, the candles flickered and burned down, but the two lovers stayed wrapped in one another’s arms. 

When they were together, that was enough. They were home.  *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Thanks to @boondoctorwho for the read and letting me borrow the words. Thanks to @mskathywriteswords for the read as well.  Thank you to everyone who has read, reblogged, cheered and generally loved on this little story. Hard to believe it’s been a year since I started with these two. This series has always surprised me, and taken on a life of it’s own.  I’ve written these two other ways, other series, other universes. I will be continuing with this canon-adjacent story in a new series, When the Rain Washes You Clean.  *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

SPN First Last and Always: @boondoctorwho @dawnie1988 @deanwanddamons @defenderrosetyler @divadinag @emoryhemsworth @fookinghelljensensthighs @idreamofplaid @kalesrebellion @kickingitwithkirk @maddiepants @magssteenkamp @onethirstyunicorn   @the-chocolate-moose  @there-must-be-a-lock @tloveswriting

Sam Girl For Life: @awesomesusiebstuff @lilsylvia @winchesterxfamilybusiness

Rowena My Queen: @delightfullykrispypeach @lilsylvia @marril96 @pansexualdarling @songofthecagedmoose Gay Screaming: @boondoctorwho , @cherry3point14, @cracksinthewalls, @dawnie1988 @fookinghelljensensthighs , @icemankazansky, @itmighthavebeenintentional , @justcallmeasmodeus , @lastactiontricia ,  @mskathywriteswords , @rockhoochie ,  @there-must-be-a-lock , @thoughtslikeaminefield​

[smallcowplant]

[ P A R T  T W O ]

my favorite thing is monsters (book one) by emil ferris 🧟‍♀️🔍🧛‍♀️

quick synopsis: adult (coming-of-age story from the perspective of a young girl, but definitely targeted at an older audience)/graphic novel. set in late 60′s chicago, the fictional graphic diary of ten year old karen reyes recounts her experiences as she tries to solve the murder of her beautiful and enigmatic upstairs neighbor, a holocaust survivor.

page count: 416

rating:★★★ (this is a hard rating for me...think 3.7-3.9....oscillating to a 4....4.2....I don’t know, man)

review: I keep doing this fun and cool thing where I buy a book without realizing it’s the first in an (unfinished) series, and then end up being cast woefully adrift by reality. that’s what I did with this one. purely based on the artwork alone, I can tell you that this book is a treat for the eyes. a lot is going on here, and there’s something so engrossing about being swept up into the chaotic pen strokes and colors. the story is an interesting one, and not entirely what you expect. the characters are all distinct and layered---really riveting people who feel near-painfully real. as the first book in a two (?) book series, it leaves off with the central (and now additional) mysteries unsolved---which leaves the reading experience feeling unfinished and kind of disjointed. I’m stuck in a bit of a confusing mid-zone with this one, where I truly....well, I can't say I enjoyed it, since this story is so much more than that? I was...fascinated? enveloped? I’ll be reading the next one, definitely.

one of us is lying by karen m. mcmanus 🥜🚓📱

quick synopsis: young adult/contemporary mystery/suspense. five students walk into detention. only four make it out alive. who did it...and who is lying?

page count: 361

rating:★★★ (firm 3.7)

review: the breakfast club....but with murder? if you’re down for that, you’ll enjoy this book! it certainly kept my attention. and MAN was this a suspenseful and super stressful read. (if you need a book that’ll make you go “wow, I’m glad I’m not in high school anymore”, this is it lol!) there’s a bunch of really interesting character studies going on in this one, and it definitely lends to a tense and involving read. the only reason the rating isn’t any higher is just that certain elements of it didn’t work...entirely...for me. that doesn’t mean that they were bad...just not what I...wanted? there’s two more books in this series, and while I’m not anxious to get my hands on them, I’m fairly sure I would read them!

murder at morrington hall: a stella and lyndy mystery by clara mckenna 🐎🍵💏

quick synopsis: adult/historical mystery. 1905. stella kendrick, a lively and confident american heiress, is tricked into an arranged marriage by her coldly ambitious father. her groom-to-be is viscount “lyndy” lyndhurst, who is both roughish and financially strapped. despite this rough beginning, they find themselves oddly drawn to each other. could they actually be a good match? however, all courtship is set aside when the pair discover the vicar who was  to marry them----dead in the library. now they must work together to solve the crime and find the culprit.

page count: 304

rating: ★★

review: ugh, it pains me to say, as I thought I was signing myself up for a fun turn-of-the-century murder mystery/romance...but this was just...meh. a meh story. I feel like it had potential to be an enjoyable, soapy romp with a dash of sensuality...but it was none of those things? (basically, I wanted a self-indulgent and delicious slice of chocolate cake...but I ended up with a week-old raisin muffin.) it didn't help that I had some issues with certain things the writer included. in particular, I REALLY didn’t like the equating of fat = mean/ugly and the repeated use of the word “bulbous” to describe certain characters noses----I had to do a quick google search to see what the hell the author was talking about. still not sure if she was trying to imply that the characters had rhinophyma/rosacea or just that they had bigger, “ugly” noses, but neither is good lmao. whenever you put a “plain/regular-degular person” with a big nose up against your array of stock White People™ characters with thin noses and angular faces, AND make those “plain” characters play the “wow, I’m so ugly but these characters are so pretty oh woe is me” bullshit in their inner monologue, I’m dipping. I’ve collected my paycheck, clocked out, left the building. (your story is already about a bunch of rich, straight, white people in 1905...I’m already skeptical, don’t test me. jk, but also not.) I’m fairly sure this would have caused a decent amount of people to DNF this book, but I’m a stubborn little bitch, and if I paid actual money for the hardcover copy at goddamn Barnes and Noble, I’m reading it. this is all to say that....if I’m being thrown out of enjoying your soapy historical murder mystery to gripe about random shit, there’s a problem. other than that? carpet was described a lot, the twist was decent, the romance was okay (no smut---or anything even vaguely close to romantic/sexual tension---and the kisses were not described at all, so I have no clue if either of them do more than press their lips together while admiring each others pale necks, but whatever), and the setting was the most interesting thing about this book (a crumbling english estate in the countryside?? sign me tf up). I won’t be reading anything more in this series, but that cover is pretty cool isn’t it? (I don’t know that the vase had anything to do with the story I read, but it does look really neat.) sidenote: hate to be a smarmy asshole, as I know full well how much work goes into writing, and I’m in no way trying to shame the author...this book just didn’t do it for me.

wilder girls by rory power 🌳🦷🥀

quick synopsis: young adult/horror/mystery. on an isolated island off the coast of maine, raxter school for girls is under quarantine. a mysterious disease has wracked the island, leaving teachers dead, students twisted and changed, and the woods that surround it dangerous and wild. while the disease consumes the island, the girls wait---for help, for the cure that was promised to them. but when hetty’s best friend disappears, she must venture out of the safety of the school, past the gate that separates them from the woods---and what she finds will change everything.

page count: 363

rating: ★★★★★

review: powerful, blistering, and utterly terrifying. that’s what immediately comes to mind when thinking about this book. I read it in a breakneck pace, devouring the whole thing in a feverish five? hour haze. once it was over, I sat bleary-eyed, the air around me feeling different than before, my hands tense and my stomach jumping. “you were a good one.” I said softly, kissing the spine. so yeah, it’s good. it’s very good. heartbreaking and awful and shockingly beautiful. this one hurts. I felt this one in my bones, in my soul. read it.

lovely war by julie berry 🌷💥💞

quick synopsis: young adult (but the youngest character is 18...so I think this could comfortably slot into adult)/historical (with a touch of fantasy). the intersecting stories of hazel, james, aubrey, and colette: a classical pianist from london, a british would-be-architect-turned-soldier, a harlem-born ragtime genius in the u.s. army, and a belgian orphan with a gorgeous voice and a devastating past----told by the goddess aphrodite, who must spin the tale or face judgment on mount olympus.

page count: 468

rating: ★★★★★

review: do you know how many times I CRIED while reading this book? because I certainly don’t! I lost track, as there are simply too many painful and beautiful things contained in this book. heart-wrenching, sumptuous and intoxicating, vivid in the best and worst ways, sharp and soft at the same time. I met my boyfriend while he was still active-duty military, so the wartime/seperation themes hit me very personally....but even without that, this book is excellent. expertly weaving together mythology and history in one gripping piece of art, it left me with a wistful smile on my face and a faint ache in my heart. it’s good. very good.

we have always lived in the castle by shirley jackson 🏡💀🐱

quick synopsis: young adult? adult? who knows!/mystery/horror. mary katherine blackwood is eighteen years old and lives with her sister constance. she has often thought that with any luck at all she would have been born a werewolf, because the two middle fingers on both of her hands are the same length, but she has had to be content with what she has. she dislikes washing herself, and dogs, and noise. she likes her sister constance, and richard plantagenet, and amanita phalloides, the death-cup mushroom. everyone else in her family is dead.

page count: 146

rating: ★★★★ (4.5/4.6!)

review: delightfully creepy and utterly odd, with a full cast of extremely unlikable characters and one of the strangest protagonists I’ve ever read. at NO TIME did I have any idea where the story was going, which lead to an completely bizarre (but fun!) reading experience. twilight-zonian/gothic...but better. very eager to read more of shirley jackson’s catalogue, because that lady sure knew how to weave a tale. very glad I read this one.

sadie by courtney summers 📻👥🎙

quick synopsis: young adult (mc is nineteen, and imo I feel like this slides into adult tbh)/contemporary/true crime. told from the alternating perspectives of nineteen-year-old sadie, who runs away from home to find her younger sister’s killer, and a true crime podcast exploring sadie’s disappearance.

page count: 308

rating: ★★★ 

review: sad, awful, raw. that’s this book, simultaneously bright red and angry and deep blue, sadness upon sadness. this book reminds me of every true crime documentary I’ve ever watched---how it wraps itself up in a depressingly soft way, all the emptiness left behind and everything forever-changed. gives me the same icky voyeuristic feeling consuming any true crime content always leaves with me---this peculiar feeling of peering in to others heartbreak, of their horrors. this is a hard book. it’s difficult and not easy to stomach---and it never lets up. know that before you go in. what you may expect/want is NOT what you’ll get. and that’s the trueness of this book. I have my own personal feelings regarding the story, thus the three star rating, but that’s on ME. this book is incredibly well-written and insanely gripping. I finished it the same night I started reading it. if you want a gritty, intense read set in the very bleak reality of our world, this is your book.

FEBRUARY

BOOKS READ: 14

PAGES READ: 4225

# OF 2020 BOOKS READ SO FAR: 17/50

in reflection: my goal for this month was to read ten books, and I did that ...plus four more! so I’m pretty proud of myself, lol! there were a lot of stellar reads this month, and I had so much fun discovering them all! definitely a TON of new favorites to add to my bookshelf! :^)

disclaimer: all fourteen of the books I read this month include/focus on potentially triggering content, although they do fluctuate on the scale of intensity and subject matter. my wrap-up reviews do not contain spoilers/a comprehensive list of potential triggers. I urge everyone to do their own research regarding the content of these books if you’re interested in reading them, and I’m always available for questions. my reviews are just that, reviews, and books that work for me may not work for you (and vice versa).

[badwritingbuttriessometimes]

Names & Places 3

AU: where important people in your life have their name tattooed on your body. Family is on the left side of the chest- close to the heart. Friends are on the right side of the chest- almost family; chosen family. Love interests are on the right wrist

Teaser Chapter 1 Chapter 2

Pairing: Tom Holland x Reader

Warnings: swearing, not edited, I changed the AU so love interests are on the wrist not first touch

And your name appears on his arm

Tom looks at his wrist then back to you. Wrist. You. Wrist. You.

And he smiles to himself. In beautiful calligraphy Y/N is written on his arm. He leans against the counter and reads your name over and over again, tracing the lines with his fingers.

He liked he. He always knew he did but he just never knew it was like this. Sure, he gave you more attention that his other friends and hung out with you a lot more. He put more effort into his relationship with you. Hell- he even asked his mom how to slow dance so he could hold you close.

It became a little thing between the two of you. Whenever one of you was stressed, the other would begin swaying and soon you’d be in eachothers embrace slowly circling the room. Tom secretly loved exam season. You were constantly studying with flash cards, textbooks, notebooks, highlighters, sticky notes, coloured pens, and anything else staples had to offer. Around 11:45 every night without fail you would go to make some coffee and there was Tom, in the middle of the kitchen, swaying. He always had soft music coming from his phone. You always said you had too much to go over. He never took no for an answer. He would always take your hand and spin you into his chest until you decided to give yourself a break. Then the two of you would dance to the soft music from his phone. You’d lay your head on his shoulder and he’d pull you in closer and every time he spun you out after that moment, you would say, “okay okay I really have to get back”. You would then grab your freshly brewed coffee and begin round two of your studying regime.

Tom loved doing that with you. But it’s nowhere near exams. He looked back at you, passed out on the couch, pillow now under your head. The blanket thrown from your shoulders to your stomach, only covering your legs to your belly button. Your arms splayed out over your head.

That gave Tom an idea.

If I like her... what are the chances she likes me back? I really shouldn’t. What if she doesn’t like me back? What if it’s just me? Does she not feel the same way?

“But what if she does?” Harrison’s groggy voice cuts through the silence and Tom’s not-so internal monologue.

“What? Who?” Tom asked, trying to play coy

“Tom, mate, buddy, how long have we known each other? A while, yeah? You think I don’t know about your all-consuming love for Y/N?” Haz asks, placing a hand on Tom’s shoulder

“It’s not all-consuming” he pouts

“If it’s not all-consuming, why did you ask your mum how to slow dance? And ask your brother how to make whatever they’re called?”

“First of all, slow dancing is a skill everyone should know. And second, they’re called crepes.” Harrison gives Tom a full look “what? Remember when Y/N told that joke ‘French pancakes really give me the crepes’? That was funny!”

“Whatever you say mate” Harrison says, grabbing a bottle of water before heading back to his room

“So wait. Are-are you saying I should look at her wrist?”

“What’s stopping you?” Haz replies before closing his door

“Fear, panic, the usual romantic roadblocks” Tom mutters to himself

I could get a flower and count the bloody petals maybe that’ll work. Tom thinks to himself. It can be tomorrows problem. And with that he heads to your room for the night. You weren’t using it someone might as well

You woke up around 8:45, before the boys, so you grab your keys and wallet and set off for the bakery three blocks over. By the time you return, Tom’s just leaving your room with a look of pure confusion on his face.

“Y/N?” He asks, looking to the now empty couch. Apparently he didn’t hear your keys or you open the door.

“Yeah?” You say, closing the door with your foot and placing the green box on the counter. Tom jumped at the sound of your voice coming from over there but relaxes when he sees the box.

“Whatcha got there, love?”

“Breakfast? Unless you want cereal but I think the pantry’s empty.” You say, smiling with a knowing look in your eye. He never gives up bakery food. Ever.

“Haha you’re so funny” he says sarcastically “what’s today’s selection?”

You open the box and list off, “a cinnamon bun, raspberry danish, apple turnover, dibs don’t even, and a blueberry muffin” you say, calling dibs on a slice of banana bread.

“Did you get that because of how I say it?” Tom asks, pointing at the croissant you ‘forgot’ to mention

“No, no. Not all all. No idea what you’re on about.” You say before you shove the banana bread in your mouth

“And you’re not an actor because?” You tried your laugh but a full mouth makes that difficult. As you chewed you walked towards Harrison’s room, knocking you said, “hey bud I got food!”

A low grumbling was his response

“Green box” you singsong. Some creaks and rumbling noises follow and just like that he’s ready for the day. He looks into the box of sweets and observes, “I see you got Tom’s favourite French food”

“That’s how you pronounce it” Tom insists

“Sure it is”

“It is!”

“Okay you two debate, I’m gonna put on something that’s not pyjamas that barely pass as clothes” you say, grabbing the muffin as you begin to walk to your room. “TOM WHAT DID YOU TO WHERE ARE MY PILLOWS?!”

“On the floor by the closet!” He shouts back. “She has twenty of them?” Tom says to Haz, confused. Harrison just nods and sees Tom’s wrist.

“So did you look? Are you a couple now?”

“What? Oh, no.”

“Why not?”

“It’s like an invasion of privacy” Tom tries to lie. He just didn’t have the guts to. Haz knew it. Tom knkw has knew it. That didn’t mean Tom was going to admit to it.

“Please. Please just... explain to me how looking at a wrist is an invasion of privacy. For... educational purposes?”

“No one wants anyone to know who their crush is I’m sure that’s why so many people have those chunky bracelet things.” He was right. A big thing was a thick band that covered names. A lot of people wore them.

“Okay but what if you’re on her wrist? Huh? Problem solved!”

“What problem?” You ask. “Still debating on what to call that?” You say, pointing to the croissant.

“Yes. We’re asking Siri. Hey Siri? How do you pronounce croissant?”

“Kruh-saant” Siri replies

“Ou, nous pouvons parler en francais et voila! Pas de problem!” You say

“Just because you went to Quebec that one time doesn’t mean you can speak French!” They tell you

“Okay if I can’t speak French then what did I say?”

“Sssomething about no problem and French” Tom says

“Or we something something French and voila no problem” Haz tries

“I said ‘or we could speak in French and tada no problem’”

“Say something else in French” Tom asks

“J’ai besoin de partir parce-que je travailler a 12” you say, smirk on your face at the end

“No clue” the boys say

“I have to go because I work at 12” you say, grabbing your phone and keys, waving before you closed the door behind you.

You waived with your right hand. And Harrison saw what was on your wrist.

Tags:

@tomhollandseverything @lieswithoutfairytales @averyfosterthoughts

[potaetaezz]

|| Sweet Like Coffee || 13

prev << >> next

pairing: Nct Dream x Reader  [female]

genre/au: fluff | teeny bit of angst (to come) | enemies to lovers | Everyone is just a clueless bunch of weirdos, you get the drill… or so you thought.

warnings: slight swearing, immature content, underage drinking

A/N: its’s my first fanfic so no judgment lol | Longer Chp | here we go~

_____________________________________

Your jaw dropped to the floor, but there was no string to pull it back up. Your eyes widened, taking in more light than you imagined. You paused. A flurry of thoughts confusing you, consuming you. His face didn’t change, he was sure of his words. Your words, however, had failed you, you lost your voice staring into his eyes. 

“Today after school, Cafe Fontana.” He said. Of course, the cafe, the first place he invited you to, the place you foolishly thought was a date. The place you first talked to Jaemin.

But by the time you swallowed your bewilderment, he was already back to his book. Your heart, however, was too loud to go back to reading, studying. Your mind too clouded to focus.

‘How can he just act like nothing happened?’

You couldn’t help but wonder if he was always this way. If he always said exactly what he thought, if he was always so confident. He was clearly not taking no for an answer. So you buried your protest, your rebuttal. Because really, what harm could one date do? 

———

Jeno didn’t show up to the last class, instead leaving you sitting alone at your desk. Your stomach turned as the time passed, as the clock yearned for the end of class. Your whole body on edge, muscles tense. Whatever words the teacher was spitting didn’t enter your brain, your whole mind fazed, rattled. You hadn’t expected to be this nervous. 

‘It’s only Jeno,’ you comforted, ‘but this Jeno has changed.’

The bell rang amidst your chaotic thoughts, which shook you out of whatever trance had you trapped. The butterflies gathered in your throat instead of your stomach. You liked Jeno, past tense. But Jeno had changed, and therefore so did you. Maybe this ‘date’ would be a good way to get to know his new side, or maybe it was a warning, not to trust him. He was as confusing as your feelings, and that overwhelmed you with uneasiness.

You packed your bag slowly, wasting as much time as you could. You trudged down the hall, butterflies gnawing inside of you. A tall figure planted themselves in front of you. You stopped just in time. Your eyes trailed upwards to his. Jaemin’s. 

His face was contorted, a frown pulling his forehead down. His eyes unclear. 

“Can we talk for a second?”

You wanted to say yes, you wanted to talk with him. 

“Maybe tomorrow?” You tried to smile. 

His face relaxed in an instant. His unclear eyes portrayed a hint of disappointment. But it disappeared in a blink. He cleared his throat and walked away. He knew you wouldn't say yes because he knew who you were going to meet. He had told him too many times.

You could’ve easily called him back. Asked what’s wrong. But he probably just wanted help with homework. Or someone to tease. 

‘It couldn’t be that bad, could it?’

You shoved the thought off fast, as you continued your walk to the cafe.

Nothing changed inside the cafe expect themselves. It was still as cute as ever. Still painted with pastels and memories. Your eyes glanced around the room, until they settled on Jeno, even sitting in same seat as last time. Your heart warmed, but your mind cooled it down just as fast. 

‘He’s changed.’

You strolled over, his eyes finally focusing on you. He sent that same puppy smile your way, eyes like moons. You swallowed your recollections. 

“You’re late.” He hissed, but he was still smiling.

“Better late than never.” 

He changed his clothes. He was now wearing a navy shirt over black pants. He looked nothing short of fancy. His hair was combed. He had one dangly earring in, shining silver in the light. You hated how you noticed everything. You hated how good he looked.

As you took your seat, he shoved a muffin and an iced coffee your way. “I remembered.” 

You nodded slightly, a smile growing. He surely did. 

You talked about school, game night, most of everything but never once did he mention the party or Jaemin. He was careful when picking his words. You too decided to leave those topics alone. Decided to let them be.

“Is this all you thought I had planned?” he asked abruptly once you finished your coffee.

You nodded.

“I’m better than that y/n.”

He stood up, gesturing you to follow. He threw your bag over his shoulder and began to leave. He never told you where you were going, but he seemed excited. 

———

As you neared the place, Jeno told you to close your eyes. You followed him blindly, literally. His hand softly gripped yours, leading the way. Until he stopped, you stopped. His hands covered your eyes for a moment, and then they lifted. You opened your eyes, the brightness making you blink a few times until you saw it. You saw the place. 

‘Laser tag.’

“I know it’s no Mario Kart but-“

“Are you kidding?!” you began to freak, “I’ve always wanted to come here.”

You did love gaming, and now you could finally star in your own game. He held the door open for you, smiling so brightly he outdid the sun.

———

You pulled the heavy vest over you, which Jeno helped with, until you were all suited up and ready for action. You held the gun like you’ve held one before, comfortably. You entered the ‘area’. It was almost pitch black, red and blue flashing lights surrounded you. It was only then you realised your vest flashed blue and Jeno’s flashed red.

“Think you’ll win?” He chuffed.

“Think you can beat me?”

The siren blared. You ran. You didn’t have the slightest clue where you were going, but anywhere was better than the middle of the arena. You spotted higher ground. You ran towards it. A person with a flasher passed, you aimed, shot. It hit. You kept running. People were shooting at you but you were good, you were fast. Finally, you reached the tower. From there you could see the whole arena, you could easily hit all the red flashers. You began to take aim, focusing on one person who stood helpless in the middle. You fired. 

You could hear footsteps, you crouched, gun in hand. Someone ran past, not even looking to see you. But someone followed. He appeared, looking you right in the eye.

“Can’t hide up here all day y/n.” Jeno said.

You released the trigger, you shot. You ran. You could almost hear him laugh as you headed anywhere. You knew he was following you, he wouldn’t let you get away so easily.  You were fast, but he was faster. You ran until you hit a dead end. He had you cornered, trapped. He gripped his gun tightly, aiming just for you. 

He stepped closer. Your breath hitched. A drip of sweat trickled down your forehead. His hair was ruffled, a mix of gel and sweat making it glisten. You traced the curve of his smile smirk. He stepped closer again. 

 His words found their way to your ear; “Am I too close?” Your heart remembered those words. Remembered them well. 

The was a tension pulling him closer to you. You edged back slightly, reality kicking in, reminding you it was Jeno. You edged back until you couldn’t go any further. Your back collided with the cold wall. His eyes weighed your features. The darkness inside them portrayed the stars they held. He had the type of eyes you could get lost in, the eyes you found yourself staring into, the eyes that told you it was okay. But right now, he had the eyes of shadows, the eyes of the darkness, the eyes that overpowered you with want.

———

POV - Jeno

———

He took one final step, looking down on her with fascination. Their glances battled each other until one gave in. He gave in. He knew she didn’t like him, not like that, but he couldn’t resist. One of his hands rested against the wall behind her. His head dipped a little further, he leaned in a little closer. Temptation staring him right in the face, batting her eyelashes at him. He knew he shouldn’t do it, shouldn’t play with her heart, but how could he refuse. He knew it wasn’t right, but right now, devoured by the darkness, that didn’t really matter. He wanted to.

———

POV - y/n

———

He was too close for anything good to happen, but you couldn’t pull back, move away. He had you pressed up against a wall. There was no escape. He leaned impossibly closer. His lips just brushed yours, but not gently, not innocently. His lips were like a tease, fiery and demanding. Until finally, after all the rejection, you gave in.

The kiss was soft at first, your lips working in rhythm. Until something changed, something became more urgent. His kissed you as if he was searching for air underwater. Searching for oxygen. He kissed you like he had to, like he needed to. Warmth spread throughout your body. Desire like friction working between you. His other hand gripped your hip and your arms locked around his neck, pulling him into you. His teeth tugged at your lip until he destroyed you once more, consumed you. 

You pulled away, taking in oxygen for a moment, breathing heavily, until his lips sought for your neck instead. A moan slipped through your teeth, quiet enough for only him to hear, for only him to receive the victory. He pulled away again, a tiny smile tugging at his red lips. His kiss broke you, ruined you. Looking into his eyes afterward was close to heaven. His lips left you dazed. You swallowed. Cheeks hot. 

He stepped backwards, but didn’t turn around. He lifted his gun slowly, the barrel staring right at your chest. His finger released the trigger. He shot. Your vest flashed blue. You’d been shot. He laughed as he turned around. His hand waving at you. 

You were fast, gun in hand before you knew it. You fired at him. You shot him in the back. Which caused his laugh to grow louder. 

A smile pulled at your mouth, one that you couldn’t stop. If there was one word to describe Jeno it was unexpected. 

Your team ended up actually winning, which you would never let Jeno forget or live down. 

———

You walked home alone, for Jeno had ‘urgent business’ to attend to. He apologized multiple times, which almost made your heart swell. Surprisingly, it wasn’t awkward after the kiss, you two talked as normal. He almost seemed used to this situation.

 Once you were alone in the silence of the night, you could finally think about your date. It was nice, to say the least, perhaps even perfect. Your body began to warm thinking about it. Your heart remembered what it was like to like Jeno, it remembered his puppy smile, it remembered the feel of his lips. It was becoming all too easy to fall back into his charm again.

Once you arrived home, you were prepared to leap into bed. But there was one small problem. Your bed contained Lila.

“Lila?” You asked, just as shocked as she was. She was wrapped in your duvet, holding a cup of tea.

“Hey y/n, where were you?” 

You made up a lame excuse, praying she’d believe you. She did. 

“Everything okay?” You had to make sure. 

She smiled, reassuring you. “We’ll talk after, now get a shower you stink.”

You hopped into the shower, Jeno’s kiss lingered on you, his scent held onto your clothes. You were glad to wash it off, despite how amazing the kiss was. You threw on a pair of pyjamas and settled into the bed beside Lila. 

She shot up, legs crossed. “Now don’t freak out okay..” she began. You rolled your eyes but sat up a little straighter nonetheless. “I kinda, barely, just about, like Haechan.”

That was the second time that day your jaw dropped. “H-Haechan?”

She began to splutter about when it began, how they almost kissed at his party but Renjun ruined it, how he kept smiling at her at the game night. 

“So it’s basically a full-on crush?” you began to laugh. Sure Lila had had boyfriends and flings in the past, but they all liked her first. This was the first time she actually liked a guy first. You couldn’t help but laugh. Her cheeks were now bright red, eyes glossy. 

“What do you think?” Her voice shy. 

“I’m happy for you obviously!!” You began to freak out, but in a good way, in the best way. You enveloped your arms around her as she began to scream. “I actually like him, I’ve never said that out loud before!” 

But her laughing didn’t last long. “Now y/n, your turn to spill. I want to hear all about it.”

“About what?” You looked around the room for an escape.

“About everything.” But her smirk told you she wasn’t letting you getaway. 

“Fine..” you rolled your eyes, “But God where do I start?”

“How about your kiss with Jaemin?” 

So you told her, for you had no choice. You told her about your kiss with Jaemin, about your date with Jeno, about every insignificant thing that happened. And she was speechless. It was then that you realised just how much has happened, just how close you became with Jeno and Jaemin. But the worst realisation of all, was that if Jaemin had never spilled coffee on you that day, none of this would’ve happened.

“Why didn’t you tell me? We could’ve sorted that mess out together?” Were her first words, but soon after she muttered under her breath: “But really? You got to kiss both of them?”

“All that matters is that we can talk about all of it tonight in detail, but I wonder what would make this better?” You quirked your eyebrows at her.

“Hmm let me think, oh yeah, ice-cream.” she squealed. 

It was annoying the fact that you had to change back into regular clothes but the ice-cream was worth it. Whenever you or Lila had some ‘girl-talk’ you couldn’t share with Renjun, or something really serious you needed to talk about, you’d discuss it over a tub of ice-cream. A certain flavour for a certain mood. Because to be honest, ice-cream makes everything better. 

You walked out together into the cold, the sky inked with a beautiful array of colours. As you walked, you discussed your situation first, because it was all the more confusing.

The walk to the ice-cream place was long but completely worth it. You went to open the door, but you saw someone awfully too familiar inside. Someone who’s lips have crashed against yours. Someone who didn’t even notice you because they were too busy staring into another girl's eyes. 

Jeno.

A pain struck your heart. Left you breathless. Speechless. And that wasn’t the first time.

Jeno stood inside the ice-cream parlour, one arm wrapped casually around the girl's waist, pulling her close to him. You could always spot Jeno in a crowd, you hated that. His lips went to peck her forehead. They were too close, too romantic, too much to be friends. 

‘So that was his ‘business’ he had to attend to.’

It wasn’t even the same girl as the party. It wasn’t even you. Your own stupidity crawled up your throat, whispered into your ear, gnawed at your stomach. You stood helpless outside the door, staring at him, at your reflection, at how pathetic you looked.

‘And I believed he cared, I believed he changed.’ you kept repeating to yourself, over and over. 

A lump now formed in your throat. All you could do was breathe. You were frozen, eyes solely locked on them. You had only just kissed the guy, you had only gone out on one date, you didn’t even like him fully. So why did it hurt? Why were you suffocating? 

“Let’s go.” You spit out to Lila. She too was staring at Jeno and the girl. 

“No. We’re getting some fucking ice-cream.” She grabbed your arm and yanked you inside.

“No no no no.” You kept repeating but she wasn’t letting go. She wasn’t giving in. She pulled you right up to the counter. Right beside Jeno. 

His eyes wandered to your face. He went pale. He looked just as shocked as you. But there was no sign of regret in his eyes. The lady at the counter handed him his ice cream. He swallowed. He turned away. He pretended he didn’t even see you. You didn’t know what was worse. Lila scoffed, glaring at him. Turns out it wasn’t you who shot him in the back, but the other way around.

Lila ordered the largest tub of ice cream they had, filled it with a variety of ice creams and handed it to you. Two spoons and all. Whilst you were frozen, she took you by the hand and led you all the way home. And soon enough you were back in your bed, with a pint of ice cream, wrapped in your blanket.

“Now we have to talk.” Lila said, looking you in the eye.

“Haechan once warned me about Jaemin, saying I would regret him. But did he know Jeno was worse?”

———

Getting up for school that morning was hard. A puffy face. a stomach full of ice-cream, knowing you’d have to see Jeno. At least Lila was there to help you through it. 

Walking into school, you felt a curtain of regret cascade over you. That ache returned in your stomach, your own stupidity back again clawing its way up your throat. Lila was right beside you, but you knew you’d have to face Jeno alone.

Thankfully he wasn’t in yet, so you had some time to prepare yourself for his entrance. You took out your books and began to read. It was getting so late you thought he’d never show up. Hoping he’d never show up. But he’d never let you off that easy. 

Soon enough he plopped down onto the seat beside you. An awkward tension, an uneasy strain settled between you. You ignored him. You didn’t dare even look at his desk let alone at his face. You kept your mouth shut. All-day. And so did he. 

One person that wasn’t in all day was Jaemin. You didn’t hear him rushing in late to class, or see him around the cafeteria at lunchtime. He must’ve known about Jeno’s facade, his tricks.

‘Why didn’t he warn me?’

———

Finally, you were back in the comfort of your bed, embraced by your blankets. Finally, you were out of Jeno’s sight. The day went awkwardly, to say the least, but at least you didn’t have to talk to him or even look at him. You spent all of lunch with Renjun and Lila which calmed your nerves. 

You were in the middle of watching ‘Jade the Virgin’ when a knock came from the door. You pulled yourself out of bed. You hadn’t been expecting anyone. 

“Who’s there?” You shouted, for you and Ten lacked a keyhole. 

But there was no answer.

“Hello?” you asked again.

A knock emerged again. 

Eventually, you gave up and slowly opened the door.

He stood there, drenched by the rain, a pitiful look on his face. 

Jeno. You were seeing him all too much lately.

“What do you want?” you hissed. Even just looking at him the rage began the swirl inside you, race through your veins. You clenched your jaw.

“Look- let me just-“

“No. You’ve fooled me too many times Lee Jeno. Like really, who do you think you are?” You almost laughed at his audacity to show up at your place, uninvited and even attempt to explain himself. There was nothing to explain, nothing to talk about. 

“I’m sorry, I was just having a bit of fun.” He actually had the confidence to speak such words. To say sorry when his eyes, his mouth didn’t mean it. Nothing could calm the storm in your heart. Whatever confidence he had, whatever gave him the audacity, you were about to tear it down.

“You played with me. You made a fool out of me. You tricked me. Who gave you the right huh? How dare you?!” 

He swallowed. He piped down. He lost his voice before you. He was almost sheepish. It felt good. He huffed, sighed. He got angry with himself as well. 

Although you could tell he wasn’t finished. You could tell he was holding something back, hiding something. Biting his tongue from spilling the words. 

“All this because of that stupid bet.”

But it was too late. It was too late for him to take back the words. 

_____________________________________

a/n: thanks for reading! what do you think? ‘Bet’ you weren’t expecting that. (I need to stop) What will Jeno do, will he at least try and take the words back? Will y/n believe him? What will she think, especially about Jaemin? Just wait till next episode!!

_____________________________________

See you soon -> Monday 4th xxx

_____________________________________

[xxfanfiction-emo-trinityxx]

Late Night Baking - Dallon Weekes x Reader

Request: why the fuck are you making cookies at two in the morning” with dallon weekes please and thanks? i love your dall fics they're so fluffy and cute hkjdhg            

Word count: 1 430

A/N: What Dallon says about the shirt the reader is wearing is a (translated) line from a song of my favourite German band, called Killerpilze. If you’re into punk music, you should check them out. Also, since their last album before a huge hiatus is coming up, I actually might be posting about that too for the next weeks, since they’re punk too.

Lazily you took a deep breath, inhaling the familiar scent around you. It took you a moment to remember why not only the pillow, but the entire bedroom smelled of perfectly subtle of Dallon. It was because it was Dallon’s room, of course.

Reaching your hands over your head, stretching a little, you thought back to a couple of weeks back, when Dallon, stammering and blushing, had asked you if you would ever consider moving in with him. To be honest, you had not really given the whole thing a proper thought until then, a part of your mind still doubting this all was real, the whole relationship with the intelligent and talented, not to mention stunningly beautiful, bassist.

But the second he had asked, you knew that there was nothing you wanted more in the world than to live with him, to fall asleep at his side every night, wake up with his hair in your face, because he had managed to tangle his long limbs with yours while he was asleep.

So after you had quit your flat, which had taken far too long for your liking, tonight had been the first night you officially spent living in a flat with Dallon.

The grin that pulled on the corners of your mouth was almost painful, and intending to muffle the happy giggles escaping you, you turned your head, and pressed your face in the pillow. It took you a couple more seconds until you finally were awake enough to notice that the room was still entirely dark, apart from the thin orange beams of light from the street lanterns, which snuck through the tiny gaps in the shutters.

Sighing quietly, you reached your hand over to where you expected to find Dallon in the bed next to you, but weirdly enough the bed was empty and cold. Furrowing your brows, you sat up, turning to look at the faintly illuminated alarm clock on the bedside table. It was not even two am.

Listening to the faint sounds of the house for a moment, you could not find any clue to where Dallon might have disappeared too. After all, a bathroom break hardly took long enough for the bed to go cold.

Nervously biting your lip, you stood up, placing your bare feet on the soft carpet, and padded to the door of the bedroom, carefully pushing it open. The corridor was entirely black.

A feeling of dread washed over you, stopping you from turning on the lights. Instead you slowly walked down the corridor, hand on the wall, until you found the stairs. Testing how wide every step was with your toes, you slowly descended the stairs, until you stood in the living room. From underneath the closed kitchen door you could see a light shining through.

So it seemed a nightly craving had overcome Dallon.

Smiling you walked thought the living room, bumped into a side board, and reached the door, gently pushing it open. You had expected to find Dallon sitting at the table, munching on something, or maybe in front of the fridge, but instead he was kneeling on the floor in front of the oven.

The counters and the table were covered in flour, and many bowls, plates, cups and utensils, all covered with different stages of half-finished dough, were laying around. Looking at the mess, you wondered how you had been able to sleep with all the noise this must have made.

Dallon heard the door open, and turned around, a bit of flour on his right cheek, and looked at you wide eyed.

“Did I wake you,” he asked concerned, getting up from the floor.

“Why the fuck are you making cookies at two in the morning,” you replied with a question, looking past Dallon at the still pale circles in the oven.

“Ahm,” Dallon nervously rubbed his neck, leaving a handprint of flour. “Remember that my parents wanted to come over tomorrow, well today?”

You nodded and walked through the kitchen, over to where your boyfriend was standing.

“We could have made something together, you know,” you whispered, wrapping your arms around him, and pulling him into a sleepy hug, “we could’ve made cake or something, or gotten muffins from the bakery down the street.”

“I know, it’s not that,” he confessed, stiffening slightly under your touch.

Curiously you pulled away.

“It’s just… I’m nervous, you know?”

Watching him closely you could tell just how nervous he was. His eyes did not meet yours, and his hands were playing around with the flour covered hem of his pyjama shirt.

It would be the first time that you would meet his parents. There had been no other opportunity so far, and while you knew Dallon was nervous his parents would not like you, you had not been aware of how much it meant to him.

You personally saw absolutely no reason why you should not get along with them. In your mind you had mapped out a few topics that should be avoided, just to be sure, but that was basically always the case. From what Dallon had told you, you expected a lovely elderly couple, and you were looking forward to finally get to know them. But Dallon seemed more than stressed about the whole situation.

“Why, what’s the problem,” you wondered, reaching for his hand, making him look at you.

“I don’t know, it’s-,” he intertwined his fingers with yours, and pulled you closer, so he was able to rest his chin on your head. “I- you mean so much to me, and I just really want them to like you. I would hate if I’d have to get into a fight with them over you.”

“You don’t really think that will happen, do you,” you asked worriedly, looking up at the tall man.

“No, of course not,” he assured, “I just want them to love you, because I full on intend to marry you in a few years, just so you know. And it would be a shame if they wouldn’t get along with my favourite person in the world.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle when Dallon mentioned wanting to marry you one day. It was clear that it wasn’t a proposal, but how he hoped the future would turn out, and that showed you just how serious he was about you. And that made your heart flutter happily.

“I’m sure we’ll get along just fine, don’t worry darling,” you told him, placing your hand at the side of his face, and pulling him in for a sweet kiss.

He sighed contently, the soft touch of your lips against his the best reassurance he could have wished for. There really was no reason to worry, not when it was about you. Even if his parents would not like you for some reason, they surely would be respectful and approving of you once they saw how happy you made Dallon.

The little kiss ended far too early for Dallon’s liking, his hands snuck around your waist, holding you against his chest, only now noticing that you were wearing one of his t-shirts, one of the idkhow shirts, at that. It made his heart beat only faster, and he was worried his chest might explode, so he quickly pulled you into a hug, and nuzzled his nose against your hair.

“You okay,” you asked giggling, not having expected the sudden hug.

“You look so good when you wear my shirt,” Dallon mumbled, making you smile.

By the time the cookies were finished, you had helped Dallon clean up the kitchen. The dirty dishes went into the dishwasher, which did most of the work, so that only left the surfaces to be wiped.

Following your suggestion, Dallon had pulled out a plate and two glasses which he filled with milk, and as soon as the cookies were cooled down enough to touch them, he piled them onto the plate.

Sitting at the kitchen counter, feet bumping against each other, and sometimes legs intertwined, you were eating the still hot cookies, dipping them in milk, and cooling your tongues, whenever you had burned them on the delicious treats.

Dallon found himself thinking that this probably was the best night of his life. It was about half past two, he was sitting in the kitchen, the love of his life in front of him, eating cookies, laughing and joking. Watching you double over with laughter, he knew for certain, his parents simply had to love you, you were far too amazing for anything else.

[etlunainmorte]

✒ P.S. I Love You ✒

***

III

***

"It's him again. Poor guy must be really nervous right now." Avery strode towards the front door and before she could leave, she turned to them once more. "Make yourself at home, I insist." She, then, gave them an awkward smile as she opened the door and went out. "If you can,..."

And with those words, Avery finally left them inside that very cold mansion.

"That's very hospitable." Nico muttered after seemingly an eternity later of just her and V staring at the door. She, then, turned towards V and punched him ( playfully ) in the shoulder. "Hey, what's the plan?"

The tattooed poet threw his cane, caught it, and slammed it several times against his left palm. He gave the woman a sideways glance and smirked. "I'll see what I can find here on the first floor. I noticed,... something strange,... a while ago."

"Okay, gotcha. I'm just gonna get something in the van. Some things I prepared for the mission." The woman made her way to the door and as she was about to come out, she winked at V and gave him a thumbs up. "See ya."

V watched as the freckled Artisan swiftly made her way out, and when she was finally gone, he turned and -

He felt his heartbeat halt once more for a split second as he came face to face with the same boy he saw earlier.

And this time, he was unblinkingly staring at him right in the eye.

V felt his hair stand on end again and the cold creep unto his skin. The way the boy stared at him with those wide, muddy colored eyes and that distinct frown on his pale face,...

... it's as if he was searching for something beyond his eyes. It was like he was appraising his very own soul and being.

But, why?

"How can I be of service to you?" V graciously and patiently asked the boy. After a few seconds, the young one only abruptly turned away from him and hastily went back to the kitchen. And this action only led V to follow him,...

"Hey, V,..." All of a sudden, his demonic avian familiar, Griffon, materialized, his talons immediately taking hold of his shoulders, seemingly in caution. "Be careful 'round this place. I don't feel so good in here! It's like I'm bein' strangled! A - and,... it feels like this house is drainin' my energy!"

"I know." V answered at the same time his demonic feline familiar Shadow materialized.

"See? Even the house cat could feel it! Look at her!" And what Griffon said was true: the moment Shadow materialized, her eyes lit up in caution as the red marks on her jet black fur appeared. She was baring her fangs at something at the top of the stairs, and V could not even see what it was she was being angry at.

No. The way she was acting and the way her skin pulsated like she was ready to attack an any given time: V felt like Shadow was being threatened by something.

But, what?

"I have to go after that boy." He decided. "And I have to find out the cause of all this,... strangeness."

"Okay, Shakespeare. Ya know the drill," Griffon gave his little pep talk as his master made his way towards the kitchen. "You and I like to exist, so get rid of that ghost real quick, cause killin' it aint my schtick ( mainly 'cause we can't even kill ghosts )! Sorry if I don't get yer back, 'cause this whole place is just whack!"

V smirked at his familiar's quip and calmly searched for the boy. He found him right there, in the huge room, talking to someone. It was an elderly woman dressed entirely in what looked like the family's maroon uniform for servants like her. And the moment the boy realized that V has managed to follow him, he quickly ran away and went outside towards the opposite side.

"Pardon my,... intrusion." V began as calmly as he could so as not to frighten Avery's elderly housekeeper. "I came here by your lady's request for a special,... commission."

"My,... lady?" The old woman croaked.

V watched with wary eyes as the old woman faced him. And as her kind, gentle, and yet, restless, features finally registered, the tense feeling on his shoulders vanished altogether as he finally relaxed for the first time since entering the cold mansion.

The woman's eyes widened as if she was so shocked upon seeing him. If it weren't for the genuine smile she showed him, V would've felt conflicted upon making her teary eyed for a seemingly unknown reason.

"You must be the man our lady chose."

"To tell you the truth, I was not her first choice."

"Oh, why? Pray tell."

"She considered me,... upon being rejected by the man she,... originally chose,... for this job."

"Oh." The slight frown on the woman's face disappeared as it was replaced once again with her kind and gentle smile. "If you were not originally chosen as you've said, then it must be fate that brought you here, young master."

V chuckled as he shook his head. "I see. Then, I' am obliged to tell you that my companion doesn't believe in things such as fate."

"The young lady does."

V noticed the clear sadness in the way the old housekeeper said those words, and before he could even muse about it any further, she gave a slight bow and motioned for one of the chairs. "If you should take a seat, then I would gladly tell you everything I know. My name is Maria, and I have served the (L/N) household for as long as I could remember."

"Madam Maria. You can call me V." The poet returned the courteous gesture as he introduced himself.

Maria giggled as she waved him off with one hand. "Just Maria is fine, young master."

"Then, call me V,... and not young master."

"Very well! Very well! Please! Take a seat and make yourself at home. I'm making some muffins for dinner, and we have some to spare for you and your pets without ruining your appetite."

As V settled on one of the chairs facing the long wooden table, he watched the movements of the old lady as she prepared the muffins. And as he admired her hard work and effort by preparing the food and for serving the household for as long as she could in general, he couldn't help but wonder why she hasn't retired yet, given her old age.

"Hey, V," Griffon, who was still clinging unto V's shoulders with his talons, whispered. "... that cute little old lady is not even afraid of us! Is she even alright? Ya know, in the head?"

"Now, now, that is a very rude way of addressing our,... host." V answered as Shadow finally calmed down and settled next to his feet.

"Here we go. Have as much as you can. You would need all the energy you could get." Maria offered the huge plate of muffins before V, and after doing that, she settled on the chair opposite him.

"Thank you, Maria."

"Always happy to serve the lady's guests."

V looked at the scrumptious looking treats and felt it was rude to refuse, so he took one, split it in two and gave one to Griffon, who simply gobbled it without a moment's hesitation. The bird chewed as fast as he could and swallowed with much gusto, the gulping sound he made slightly embarrassing V. He, then, split the remaining half in two and offered one to Shadow underneath the table. Only then did he finally take a bite of the warm and fluffy treat.

It was,... so good.

Maria was eagerly watching V through all this, looking as though she hasn't fed someone in many years.

Which reminded him,...

"You mentioned you have served the (L/N) household for as long as you can remember. I assume it is Avery's mother's family, then?" V asked, the muffin he just took from the plate being swiftly stolen by Griffon, who seemed famished to the bone.

But, Maria didn't answer. Instead, she just held out a brave, trembling hand to pet Shadow. "The young lady used to own a cat. It was dark in color, just like this one. She used to call it Luna."

"Oh, I see." V answered, his fingers almost bitten by Griffon, who took, yet, another muffin from his hand. "This is Shadow."

"Hello, Shadow! It's so nice to meet you." Maria greeted. And to V and Griffon's surprise, the demonic feline squinted her eyes in a gesture that successfully told them she approved of the elderly housekeeper to pet her. Maria didn't waste any time and scratched her behind the ears right away. "She used to hide it from the master, since he didn't allow her to have pets. I remember I have to steal food from the cupboard for little Luna while the young lady hides her in the library. But, of course, the master heard all the mewling. So, the young lady had to part with her, the poor thing."

Who knew Avery was a cat person? "Hmm, it must've saddened Ms. Avery as a young girl. To part with a beloved companion."

Again, Maria didn't answer. This time, she was busy feeding Shadow.

V sighed. He knew he must be patient due to Maria's old age, so he took a mental note of this and proceeded.

"About this,... job,..." V carefully began, ignoring Griffon as he tried to steal another muffin from the plate. "Have you,... noticed anything,... a little,... strange,... lately?"

"Oh, good heavens! I forgot the tea. My mistake, dear. Let me get it for you."

V couldn't help but watch again as Maria stood to fetch the beverage, and when she returned with the pot containing the aromatic liquid and started pouring some for both him and her, he asked once more.

"Anything at all? Like,...sounds, or voices, or - "

"Here." Maria said as she offered V a cup of tea.

"Thank you. Any clue could help us with the investigation - "

"Oh, how time flies,..." Maria mused loudly as she settled back on her own chair to drink her tea. "When you're in here, you never actually notice the time. You sit down with a book in your hand in the morning, and when you get up, it's already twilight. Time flies,... indeed."

V looked at her, wondering whether all aging women were like her, and tried, one more time, to ask her regarding the haunting in the household.

"Are there any restless spirit around here?" V just got straight to the point.

"And sometimes, you sit down with a cup of tea, and next thing you know, a whole week has already passed by."

V inhaled sharply through his nostrils and finally gave up on questioning Maria. He decided to just do the investigation alone and without her cooperation. After all, grandmothers don't do well with creepy experien -

"The thing you seek lies right above us. And with it, all the answers you would need to get yourself out of this labyrinth you involuntarily got lost in the moment you stepped inside this house." Maria spoke in a very vague tone after sipping her tea. She put the cup down on the table and leaned closer to V, too close, in fact, that he was getting really uncomfortable with it. Her breath, which smelled of earl grey, assaulted his nostrils, but what unnerved V the most were her dull - looking gray eyes. As if she's,...

"Or was it voluntary? You don't believe in fate, do you, young master?" Maria asked, allowing V to catch a glimpse of her yellow teeth,...

And so, it was with utter bewilderment when he finally got the chance to untangle himself from Maria's scrutinizing gaze and made his way back to the entrance hall where Nico was already preparing all her things. And by the time he got back, the place was already filled with all sorts of wires, gadgets, and weird things from left to right.

"Dude, where have ya been?!" Nico questioned, seemingly irritated for no reason, at all.

"I was talking to the housekeeper." It was the truth.

"Huh. Ye really like that housekeeper, don't ya? To think you talked with someone for six full hours." Nico scratched her head in confusion. "I thought ya ditched me here, man. You scared me."

Six hours.

Six.

Full.

Hours.

He was gone for that long?! But, it only felt like an hour, even just minutes,...

Then, V remembered what Maria told him earlier:

Oh, how time flies,...

Time,... flies,...

... indeed.

***

✒ @la-vita and @micaelagua . ✒

***

✒✒✒

***

[i-am-church-the-cat]

What I Was Going To Say

Maybe I shouldn’t be posting this 10 minutes before the gift exchange? Eh, this isn’t for my person anyway, they have a few things coming. 

Anyway, this was loosely based off of this post by @cyrusyeehaw

Hope you enjoy 😄

***

Cyrus finds a note with a lot of past-reflection in it. But sometimes a shaky past can lead to a great future.

Word Count: 2574

Cyrus got a letter in his locker on the last day of middle school. It could have been any letter from anyone. All it had as a reference from the outside was: “What I Was Going To Say”. Cyrus knew all too well about unsaid words. But still, he decided to tuck the note away until later, since his friends were supposed to arrive soon.

He waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Finally, Cyrus sighed and fished out the note. He looked it over once more before carefully unsealing it. He pulled out a plain white piece of paper, folded in half. This was on the page in bold, black letters:

Day 1: “You Can’t Get Your Own Muffin?”

The day we met might not have been a great one. It was during the time where I didn’t act the best, and my life was kind of falling downhill. To make it worse, I had problems with your best friend. Still, it’s one of the best days of my life. I helped you get a muffin and I defended you in front of the school.

What I Said: “You can’t get your own muffin?”

What I Was Going To Say: “I could get you a muffin.”

What I Said: “Hey! He’s with me!”

What I Was Going To Say: “Hey! I want this guy to be with me!”

So starts the one-sided conversation of all the words I was going to say, but never did.

Cyrus’s smile grew as he read the note. Of course, TJ would do something like this. He may look tough, but he’s a big softy. Cyrus was about to put the not back when he saw something on the opposite side.

If you want to continue this manuscript (manuscript? note? idk), then go on down to the setting of this note.

A scavenger hunt! Cyrus wasn’t surprised that TJ knew him so well, but it still gave him a warm feeling in his chest. Cyrus smiled at the thought of all the new notes, and carefully tucked away the paper. He looked around but decided his friends were somehow in on this and weren’t coming. Cyrus took a deep breath before heading off to the cafeteria.

***

Cyrus walked into the nearly empty cafeteria. Usually, Cyrus hated going on there alone, but there wasn’t the usual chaos that went on. He looked around, trying to find some clue at what he should be looking for. Eventually, he spotted a girl waving at him from near the muffin stand. Of course.

As he got closer, Cyrus saw that it was one of the girls from the basketball team. She smiled at him before handing him the note. She reminded him to go to the setting of the note next before heading off. After she left, Cyrus examines the note. It was identical to the one before it.

Cyrus opened the envelope and unfolded the note.

Day 2: “So, Do You Hang Out Here A Lot?”

God, that was definitely the best day of my life. Of course, I’d never tried talking to someone so as to not be scared of me, which resulted in that cringey pick-up line. But I’d never been with someone that I felt I could be myself with. Finally, someone wasn’t scared of or mad at me. Then Buffy showed and I tried to run. Even when she caught me, I probably would’ve bolted if it hadn’t been for your parting words.

What I Said: “You don’t know me. I got stuff.”

What I Was Going To Say: “You don’t know me. You wouldn’t like me if you did. But I want to get to know you.”

What I Said: “Thanks for reminding me about swinging. That helped.”

What I Was Going To Say: “Thanks for reminding me about swinging. You helped.”

Cyrus’s smile was soft and his heart was full. It was pounding actually. He and TJ have had some pretty emotional talks. But none of them even scraped the surface of these. Writing things down must be easier than speaking. These notes were not helping Cyrus’s huge crush on the boy.

Cyrus stood there for a while, pretty overcome with emotion. Finally, he decided he should head for the swing set, seeing as that was where the note was set.

***

There was a boy from the basketball team leaning up against the swings when Cyrus got there. The boy nodded at him before handing him the letter and hurrying off. How many people had TJ gotten to do this thing?

Cyrus quickly opened the letter to see the next message.

Day 3: “Hey, Underdog!”

You might not even remember this day, but it’s one of the biggest for me. It was the first time I had ever been invited somewhere without someone feeling obligated to do so. It was one of the biggest days for you and I learned later you were freaking out about it, but you still took the time to invite me. Even though I did nothing to deserve your trust, and my actions later weren’t exactly ones of a friend. It was also the first time I used your first, and my personal favorite, nickname.

What I Said: “I’ll be there.”

What I Was Going To Say: “I’ll always be there if it’s with you.”

Cyrus’s face heated up. He remembered the day vividly. Even as just a friend, Cyrus had wanted TJ with him when he turned 13. It was strange, but Cyrus already knew that TJ would be a major point in his development as a person. And man, had he been. Cyrus’s friends were the best and he wouldn’t trade them for anything, but TJ. He was TJ.

A few tears dropped into the note, but Cyrus quickly wiped them away. He folded the note back into the envelope and headed back toward the school. He hoped he wouldn’t have to walk too much more.

***

There was only one guy laying on a picnic table in front of the school when Cyrus arrived. He looked up when Cyrus arrived and handed him the note. Instead of leaving like the others, he just went back on his phone. Must not have a lot to do.

Cyrus went to a different table and sat down, mentally preparing himself for the next note.

Day 4: “Nothing Gets Passed You”

Definitely one of my worst days. Thought it would be my worst, honestly. Tween naivety, I guess. But it got better. Because you were there. It’s always better when you are there.

What I Said: “Maybe you shouldn’t be here at all.”

What I Was Going To Say: “I don’t want you to see me like this.”

What I Said: “She may have been right, but you’re the one who really helped me.”

What I Was Going To Say: “She may have been right, but you’re the one who really helped me. You always help me.”

Cyrus smiled as he tucked the note away, tears dripping down his face again. Only on the fourth note and already crying. Cyrus tried to hurriedly pull himself together before heading off to the gym.

***

Another boy was shooting layups in the gym while a boy Cyrus recognized as one of his locker neighbors watched on. They turned when they heard the sort open. The basketball player smiled and jogged over to Cyrus before handing him the letter. Cyrus thanked him, trying to stop himself from ripping open the letter. The guy nodded and went and sat down next to the other boy.

Cyrus opened the note with no hesitation, then.

Day 5: “Hey! Who’s Your Friend?”

Apologizing to a trash can. Now that was a first. But I didn’t even have a second thought about doing it. Because it was you. And I never knew I needed to have you with me at my work. The kids loved you. I mean, it’s almost impossible not to, so.

What I Said: “Listen, Underdog. If you can’t do a somersault, I can help you with that.”

What I Was Going To Say: “If you never need my help, I’m there. You’ve helped me more than I could’ve asked for, and I want to return the favor.”

Cyrus was pretty sure his smile was stuck. He headed off to The Spoon without a second thought.

***

As soon as he stepped into the building, Amber stepped in front of him, gave him the letter, and pointed to a booth with a waiting shake and basket of baby taters. Cyrus sat down and ate a few before pulling the note out.

Day 6: “Wanna Hang Out?”

Ok, so GIANT time skip, but even though I didn’t really say the things I wanted to, I didn’t regret the time where I was just your friend. I was nicer than ever (guess the reason for that) and I couldn’t have asked for anyone better to spend my time with. So, I figured it was time for you to meet my friends. Which backfired horribly.

What I Said: “I talk about you.”

What I Was Going To Say: “I literally do not have the ability to stop talking about you.”

Cyrus laughed through his tears. He quickly finished his food and was about to walk back to the school when Amber stopped him and told him she would drive him around the rest of the way.

***

Cyrus hopped out as soon as they reached the school. Just inside the entrance of the school said Cyrus’s locker neighbor, still with the basketball boy. He handed Cyrus the letter. Cyrus was distracted by the letter, but not enough to miss the two boys walk away hand in hand. Huh.

Day 7: “That Swing Taken?”

God, so many wrong things were said that day. It’s really a miracle that it ended out okay. Maybe it was your influence. Let’s be honest, it definitely was. I was a mess. Still, pretty much am.

What I Said: “You can be a little annoying, you know that.”

What I Was Going To Say: “You can be annoying, but I wouldn’t stand it any other way.”

What I Said: “You know what else you are? The only person I can talk to like this.”

What I Was Going To Say: “The only person I want to talk to like this.”

Cyrus turned on his heel and jumped back into the waiting car.

***

Cyrus expected there’d be a different person, but the same guy from before was still there. He handed Cyrus another note before walking off again.

Day 8: “I’m Sorry. I’m So Sorry.”

What I Said: “I’m sorry.”

What I Was Going To Say: “I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry. I was going to call I swear, I just, couldn’t. I messed up. I know and I never wanted to do this. I just didn’t know what to do. I should’ve called, I shouldn’t have done this I’m sorry. I wish I could explain, but I can’t. And I know you can’t forgive me, but I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”

But I couldn’t say all of that. She interrupted before I could. And I couldn’t put all the regret I felt into that one word. The one word you taught me how to use and it’s not good enough. It could never be good enough. For as long as I live, that word will never be good enough. Not for you. I’m more than sorry, Cyrus. I’ll always be more than sorry.

The tears were running faster now as he hopped back in the car and headed to the school.

***

Cyrus barely even registered who he was interacting with as he took another note and ripped it open.

Day 9: “I Didn’t Think You’d Want To Talk With Me Again.”

Even though we cleared things up I didn’t believe things could be the same. Then, there was that night at Andi’s. And it was like nothing had happened at all. Except it had and instead of a rift, it was a stronger tie to each other.

What I Said: “I’m glad we’re friends again.”

What I Was Going To Say: “I’m glad we’re friends again, but I don’t think we’re just friends anymore. Maybe not ever.”

What I Said: “See you later.”

What I Was Going To Say: “I never want to stop seeing you again.”

Cyrus breathes a shaky breath as the tears poured, unopposed. He climbed back in the car and tried to steady himself on the way to Cece’s, the only one of Andi’s houses TJ had been to.

***

Cyrus wasn’t surprised to see his friends open the door. He walked in and none of them said anything. They just pointed to the back of the house. The sun was almost set by know and Cyrus stepped out onto a dusk-lit patio. He closed the door behind him and breathed in deeply. Finally, he turned to where he knew TJ to be.

The boy sat staring at his hands. He was messing with his hands, something Cyrus knew he only did when he was really nervous. His hair was dusted in pinks and oranges as the light faded. Cyrus’s reclaimed breath caught as he looked upon the boy who had claimed more of his heart than anyone. God, he was such a teenager.

Cyrus slowly walked until he was standing in front of the blonde boy. TJ looked up and shot up out of his seat. He worried his lip between his teeth as he looked at Cyrus. Cyrus breathed deep, preparing to say something. All that came out was a sob. He fell into the other boy and buried his face into his shoulder as sobs racked his body. TJ steadily wrapped his arms around the smaller boy. This was not how Cyrus imagined this going, but he could admit it felt good when TJ held him.

Eventually, they ended up wrapped around each other as they sat on the bench. Cyrus’s cries slowly quieted, but he still didn’t remove his face from TJ’s shoulder. TJ seemed to get the hint and started talking.

“So, you’ve read a lot of things I haven’t said. A lot of things I’ve wanted to say. Things I was too scared to say”, TJ paused, his voice starting to crack from emotion. Cyrus felt him swallow before he continued. “But no notes now, ok?”

Cyrus realized he was looking for an answer and nodded. He sat up a little and looked at TJ’s worried, but determined, face.

“So, this is what I was going to say. After the basketball game with Buffy, after all the times we’ve hung out, during the last time we were here. I like you. More than a friend should. I’ve liked you for a long time. And that’s all I’ve wanted to tell you since forever. I like you, Cyrus Goodman. And I’m not sorry, so please don’t hate me.”

Cyrus felt like he was going to cry again, but he was able to force out, “I like you, too” before pulling the older boy toward him and kissing him. The two of them melted and the taste of their tears moved together. They broke Of with a laugh before TJ oiled Cyrus in again. Finally, TJ pulled Cyrus against him and sighed. They sat together like that for a while, relieved of all the words they were going to say.

[thirteen-beaxhes]

Our Last Words - Chapter 5

Summary:  In a universe where the last words your soulmate speaks to you are printed, Cyrus Goodman wants nothing more than to never meet them. And he definitely doesn’t want it to be the blonde-haired boy in his class.

ALL LINKS IN REBLOG

~~~~

Mystery of Love - Sufjan Stevens

It was starting to become stupid, obsessive even.

Cyrus had to slightly modify his regular routine to account for his new behaviour. Earlier, he would wait for TJ at the gates after school from where they would either head to the Spoon with the rest of the group, or on days when TJ had work, Cyrus would accompany him to the gym and stay till his shift ended. Now, as soon as the bell rang for the end of the day, Cyrus would gather his things with lightning speed and rush home, steering clear of TJ’s locker, unless he ran into him on the way. On those occasions, they would walk in awkward silence till the gate. TJ at first would desperately try to make conversation, but eventually just stopped trying. Cyrus would use any momentary distraction to turn in the other direction and walk away. It still took every ounce of willpower to not look back at him.

On those rare occasions when they did meet before Cyrus could make his escape, the unsaid words between them settled uneasily as if both of them wished to reach out and say something, but for some reason, none could find the right words.

Finally, one day, TJ couldn’t handle it anymore. As soon as the bell rang, he ran to Cyrus’ locker and grabbed him by the elbow, startling Cyrus out of his thoughts.

“Can we please talk?” he asked, his voice shaky. He wasn’t looking Cyrus in the eye, afraid of seeing hatred, or worse, apathy in them.

Cyrus forced himself to look up from his shoes at TJ. Instantly, he noticed the difference in his demeanour. Where earlier there was a snarky confident boy, was now one who’s form screamed worry and hesitation. And sadness. And Cyrus was probably the reason. Sighing, knowing he couldn’t run forever (though he tried damn hard), he simply nodded.

They walked down to the swings, but neither of them sat down. They stood around, the silence between them getting louder and louder. Cyrus shifted his weight from foot to foot, unsure of what to say. But before he could find something, TJ spoke up.

“Look, Cyrus. I’m sorry, okay?” he said, his eyes trained to the ground.

Cyrus looked at him in confusion. Well that was unexpected. “Sorry for what?”

“At your house. For almost kissing you. It was in the heat of the moment, and I know I shouldn’t have done anything. But, I just didn’t think of what would happen after. And now look. I pushed our friendship too far. And I’ve ruined it, haven’t I? You can’t even bear to talk to me anymore. Like I said, classic TJ. Anything good I gotta ruin it.”

TJ’s voice seemed shaky, as if he was desperately trying to hold in tears. Cyrus wanted to say something, but he just stood there transfixed.

“I know you probably hate me. Which sucks, because I like you. God, I like you so much, Cyrus and you have no clue. I’ve liked you since the time I heard you sing that adorable song right here at these swings. You’re one of the most important people in my life. And now I’ve blown it.”

With that, TJ turned to leave, wiping away some stray tears. But as he started to walk away, he heard Cyrus say something.

“TJ.” It was soft, barely louder than a whisper.

Cyrus steadied his breath walking up to the other boy, turning him so that they faced each other. TJ still kept his gaze trained to the ground, still avoiding Cyrus’ eyes so Cyrus just grabbed his face and made him look at him.

TJ looked so scared and small, like he was too scared and ashamed to look Cyrus in the eye. The only other time he had ever seen him look like that was when Cyrus was walking away from him and his friends after Reed pulled out a gun. He hated when TJ looked like that, he didn’t deserve it.

Cyrus looked up at TJ and said softly, “I don’t hate you, TJ. How could I? I just, I can’t believe it. It’s never really happened before.”

TJ furrowed his eyebrows. “What has never happened before?”

Cyrus gave him a small smile. “That I guy I like has liked me back.”

It took him a few seconds to completely register what Cyrus had just said, but when he did TJ eyes widened, making Cyrus giggle.

“You, I, what?”

Cyrus, wrapped his hands around TJ’s neck, a smile on his face. “I like you too, TJ.”

As he said those words, TJ’s face lit up in a smile brighter than the sun in summer. He chuckled, wrapping his hands around Cyrus’ waist, pulling him closer into a hug.

“Well, you could have given a guy a warning! I spent all this time thinking you hated me!”

“I’m sorry. I was just going through something. But I’m here now.”

“I’m glad you are.”

They smiled, completely content in that moment. After some time, they sat down on the swings, neither really swinging, but just swaying, occasionally sneaking glances at each other. In the middle, their pinkies were linked together.

“So, what was it, Underdog?” TJ asked, breaking the now-comfortable silence.

“What was what, Teej?”

“What made you fall for me? Was it my handsome face or my impeccable athletic abilities?”

“Well, it definitely wasn’t your taste in fashion.”

“Ouch,” TJ said, miming the impact of a bullet. “You wound me, Muffin.”

“Muffin, huh?” Cyrus teased, his voice light and playful.

“Yeah, seemed appropriate. Wow, I have so many great nicknames for you. How many do you have?”

“Well, I’ll have you know,” Cyrus started, glancing down at his watch. He froze.

5:59.

No no no no.

“Um, hey, on second thoughts, can I do a raincheck? It’s just, I have to go. Homework. Errands. I uh, just have to go,” Cyrus said, fumbling over his words as he attempted to gather his things in a hurry.

“Wait, Cyrus,” TJ tried to say, in an attempt to catch hold of Cyrus’ hand. But Cyrus was surprisingly fast, running in the direction of his house at record speed. Wow, Coach would be proud.

That was close.

*

Cyrus spent a good half an hour recovering from his impromptu sprint from the park. His body was not built for exercise, and it made no qualms in reminding him of that fact. After the room stopped spinning and his stomach no longer felt like an underground rave, he reached for his phone to see texts from TJ.

Teej: hey, u ok?

Teej: im kinda worried cy

Teej: call?

Cyrus hesitated a bit before he pressed the ‘Call’ button, unsure of how he was going to explain himself to the other boy. But he reassured himself. TJ would understand if you didn’t want to say anything. Of course he would.

“Hey,” TJ picked up, his voice laced with concern.

“Hey, Teej. Sorry for ‘Cinderella-ing’ it out of there. I just remembered that I had, uh a thing that I needed to help my mom with. I’m really sorry, I was just worried about being late” Cyrus explained, trying his best to seem convincing.

TJ laughed at his description of how he left, instantly lifting Cyrus’ mood. “It’s okay, Underdog. You seem busy around 6-ish anyway these days. Don’t worry, I have work around 5:45 now, so we can hang out at other times, okay?”

Cyrus smiled to himself, knowing exactly what was happening. TJ knew there was something going on, but he wasn’t pushing. He never did, if Cyrus made it clear he didn’t want to talk about it just then. He was making adjustments, understanding what Cyrus needed without him having to even say a word about it. God, he liked that doof so much. Damn.

“Thank you, TJ.”

“Hey, no need for that.”

They sat in silence again, a common but not unwelcome occurrence. Until TJ broke it.

“Hey, Muffin?”

That new nickname still caught Cyrus by surprise, making his heart skip ten beats. “Yeah?”

“You can tell me anything, okay? But if you don’t want to, I’ll still like you, okay?”

“Okay,” Cyrus said, imagining the other boy also lying in bed, probably playing with that stupid toy basketball of his that he still kept from 5th Grade.

“Sooooo,” TJ said, his voice taking a flirty tone.

“Yes?” Cyrus replied, his voice equally teasing.

“Does this mean that you, the one and only Cyrus Goodman, would do me the honour of gracing me with a date?”

“It certainly does.”

~~~~

Why did i hate this lol i’m sorry if it isn’t as good i’ve been getting headaches all day today sorryyy

[ofmythsandmadness]

prompts & requests.

SO...I never meant to delay this for so long, I’m so sorry for this, but I’m excited to rejuvenate this page -- I’m quite bad with tumblr, but I just hit 350 followers and I figured I’d put in a second dime for trying to make this little account work. People seem to like my little writings (which surprises me tbh, but I appreciate the love) and I’ve gotten a lot of questions about requests, so here’s the masterpost of all that for here!

PLEASE NOTE: I don’t use Tumblr too regularly, I’m trying to be more active but because of life & stuff, I’m not always active to write. Plus, just because you request something, doesn’t mean I will automatically be able to give that! It takes time, inspiration, and often the ability to form a sentence, which weirdly I struggle with. Way too often.

ALSO! please feel free to check out the kofi link in my bio (can’t link it here bc tumblr doesn’t like links and this won’t show up at all) and buy me a coffee if you feel like it! please don’t if you can’t and i’m not trying to force, guilt or forcibly nudge anyone to do it, it’s just if you can and want to support me, that’d be real sweet. :)

WHO I WRITE FOR...most people look at this acc for tua writings, which i’ve got an abundance of! I’m quite fine with any requests of any characters, except for five (unless like it’s some aged up version of him; I don’t feel comfy writing about him and I just don’t care to). I also will write for a lot of other fandoms if you ask for them: those including marvel, stranger things (those of age, i’m not writing stories about minors), harry potter and a couple others. Just ask me, I’ll let you know if I write for the fandom & we can move from there, darling. :)

HOW TO REQUEST...I prefer not too many details in a request, just so I still feel inspired to write the piece. So, if you’re asking based on a prompt below, tell me the number(s), the character you’re looking for, and any details you feel necessary to add! Remember, nothing too specific, like don’t give me the entire plot but things like genre, atmosphere, details on the reader are okay. I usually write either genderless or female reader (I try to stick with the former to be accommodating) but you can ask for a specifically gender-neutral or female/male reader too. This also applies to fics you want garnered to a specific section of the LGBTQIA+ community (for example, if you wanted a lesbian reader with Vanya Hargreeves). I try not to add any details to appearance to the story so that everyone can enjoy the fic, but again you can ask for any specific and I will try my best to accomodate for you lovelies.

REQUEST EXAMPLE - “Can you write something with prompt number 3 and 17? Preferably with a gender-neutral reader, and with Allison Hargreeves? I’d like it to be a happy fic, please, and for the reader to not have any powers. Also, they’re a cat person! Thanks!”

Obviously, I know most people know what’s up and are respectful. But just in case you wanted an example, there you go. :)

PROMPTS LIST

(these were made by me and to my knowledge, they’re not used elsewhere, only some were taken off my last requests list. also, feel free to mix + match and ask for as many as you want)

Quote Based Prompts:

1. ‘I think I’m falling for you,’ clumsy character. 2. ‘C’mon, this is definitely safe!’ 3. ‘Do you believe in ghosts?’ + ‘Why, is there something you want to tell me?’ 4. ‘Shut up about your black coffee aesthetic and try my (insert here) drink.’ 5. ‘I’m only asking for a hug because I forgot my coat and you’re like a human furnace...don’t get any ideas.’ 6. ‘Just five more minutes.’ 7. ‘And you’re sure this isn’t illegal?’ 8. ‘Wanna go get married?’ 9. ‘I love you” “don’t lie to me’ 10. ‘I hate you’ + ‘no, you don’t.’ 11. ‘let’s dance to taylor swift and forget about reality for a moment, please.’ 12. ‘why don’t you trust me?’ 13. ‘promise me, we’ll make it out of this alive.’ 14. ‘we can’t just pushing each other away and expecting things are going to change.’ 15. ‘why are you helping me?’ 16. ‘tell me a secret.’ 17. ‘you can’t friend-zone me, we’re married!’ 18. ‘is this the end?’ 19. ‘I let you win.’ 20. ‘go away’ + ‘no, not until I know you’re okay’ 21. ‘we were supposed to be forever.’ 22. ‘nothing’s fair in love and war.’ 23. ‘I want to be here for the good and the bad.’ 24. ‘So...what happened this time?’ 25. ‘I just really wanted to see you.’ 26. ‘Uh, that’s the whole point?!’ 27. ‘You cut your hair?’ + ‘I just needed a change.’ 28. ‘I can’t lose you too, dammit!’ 29. ‘Don’t lie, you’re a hopeless romantic at heart.’ 30. ‘Can we keep it?!’ 31. ‘Why can’t this happen like it does in the movies?!’ 32. ‘Can you come with me? It’s just to get gum, but I don’t want to be alone.’ 33. ‘I made muffins!’ + ‘You can bake?!’ 34. ‘I can’t sleep.’ + ‘We can share.’ 35. ‘It used to be so simple...’ 36. ‘STOP SINGING THAT SONG OR-’ + ‘-or what?’ 37. ‘I just wanted to tell you...you look really nice tonight.’ 38. ‘Ooh, show me, show me!’ 39. ‘I really wish I could paint, because you’re the perfect muse right now.’ 40. ‘Where’d you learn how to do that?’ 41. ‘Hey, it’s okay...you’re safe now.’ 42. ‘Am I in heaven?’ + ‘Aw, you think I’m your idea of heaven?’ 43. ‘I’m not crying!’ + ‘Oh, so it’s normal for your eyes to leak like that?’ 44. ‘Why wouldn’t you tell me that sooner?!’ 45. ‘What do you think of kids?’ 46. ‘Do you think I’m a good person?’ 47. ‘Don’t look down.’ + ‘You’re only telling me that now?!’ 48. ‘It’s okay...it’s going to be okay...’ 49. ‘I didn’t think it would hurt so much to do this.’ 50. ‘Nerd.’ + ‘Loser.’ 51. ‘Wait, you actually came?’ 52. ‘You didn’t notice the one bed before?!’ + ‘It didn’t say on the website!’ 53. ‘I’m in the hospital, but don’t worry--’ + ‘Don’t worry?!’ 54. ‘Yeah, I was jealous. So what?’ 55. ‘Did you know you talk when you sleep?’ 56. ‘Of course I kept it. Why wouldn’t I?’ 57. ‘I can’t get you out of my head...’ 58. ‘I made you it because I love you, duh.’ 59. ‘I trust you.’ 60. ‘How am I supposed to trust you?!’ 61. ‘You have to start getting better excuses.’ 62. ‘I think they like you!’ 63. ‘I swear if you sing baby it’s cold outside ONE MORE TIME--’ 64. ‘You’re telling me you don’t know all the words to Promiscuous? Who are you?!’ 65. ‘I only went along with it for your sake, you know I hate (insert here).’ 66. ‘Hold my hand but only so we don’t get lost. I don’t need you getting any ideas about us.’ 67. ‘Loosen up, jackass, and give in to evil a little more!’ 68. ‘You didn’t respond to any of my texts, so I assumed you were either dying or crying. I brought answers to both situations.’ 69. ‘That’s it. I’m officially convinced that you’re actually three years old.’

Situation Based Prompts: 1. Person A refuses to dress for the cold and gets sick; Person B is stuck taking care of them afterwards. 2. Person A finds a stray and wants to take it home, but Person B isn’t so interested. 3. Coffee Shop AU; Person A shows up every Saturday to work, and Person B becomes infatuated with the mysterious person. 4. Person A wants to watch a scary movie. Person B accepts, too chicken to admit they’re terrified of horror movies. 5. Person A falls asleep, and Person B plays with their hair. 6. Person A and B wake up hungover and realise that they got married last night. 7. ‘Oh...you love them’, where Person A realises that their real feelings for Person B. 8. Person A is a Christmas enthusiast, but Person B hates the holiday season. 9. (School Based Prompt); Person A doesn’t know how to talk to Person B, and decides to pretend to need help in a subject they definitely don’t need help with. 10. Person A decides to confess their feelings to Person B through a series of anonymous gifts...only they aren’t who B suspects behind it all... 11. Person A and B have a Catwoman/Batman type relationship, dancing around one another and ignoring their obvious feelings. 12. Younger!Person A and B shared their first kiss with each other -- not because of feelings, JUST to get it over with. It never meant anything, right? 13. There’s only a little bit of time left for Person A...will they make it to B, in time? 14. (Flower Shop AU) Person A comes in every day to purchase the same single flower every time, and Person B has no clue why. 15. (Villain/Hero AU) Person A goes home to find B in their bed, bleeding and fast asleep. 16. Person A has a fear of driving. Person B finally asks why. 17. (School Based AU) Person A and B get paired together to complete a project worth a lot of their grade. The only problem? They hate each other. 18. (Coffee Shop AU) Person A comes in every day with a different name and sunglasses on, ordering the same thing every time. And Person B is obsessed. 19. Person A has a hard day at work. Person B doesn’t know what they should do to help. 20. Person A finally finds out about Person B’s big secret -- only, it doesn’t come from Person B. 21. Person A is the most oblivious person in the world. Person B is slowly losing their mind over it. 22. Everyone thinks that Person A and C are meant to be together, and it’s only A and B who really, really don’t see it. 23. And they were roommates (oh my god, they were roommates...) 24. Person A’s roommate’s boyfriend is over again, and they escape to Person B’s for peace of mind. 25. Person A finds a random bag and is determined to return it to the owner -- only, all the clues she has for who the person really is, is in the contents of the bag. 26. (Party Based Prompt) Person A and B really, really didn’t want to go to the party. But maybe meeting one another makes it worth it. 27. Person A and B go laser-tagging for some stress relief. 28. There’s a Halloween party and neither A or B knows who the other is going as. But the (insert costume) standing in the corner is looking rather suspicious... 29. (Apocalypse AU) Person A and B have been struggling for months alone, and finally reach something that gives them hope.  30. Person A and B both head to the roof for some escape. They definitely didn’t expect to see someone in their special place... 31. Person A works really late shifts downtown; Person B always makes sure they’re there to give them a ride, no matter how inconvenient it is. 32. Person A forgets about changing their emergency contact, and this backfires when they end up in the hospital... 33. (Soulmate AU) In a world where people don’t age past 21 until they meet their soulmate, Person A is surprised to learn that the partner they’ve been with for four years hasn’t aged a day -- but they have. 34. (Airport AU) Everything shuts down in a last-minute snowstorm, leaving two strangers stranded. 35. (School AU) Everyone ships Teacher A and B together, and scheme to finally set them up. 36. Person A and B ride the train together every day. 37. (Doctor AU) Person A has to take Person C to the doctors. Much to both surprise, Person A falls quickly for the Doctor who comes in (Person B) -- and Person C takes it upon themselves to let B know. 38. (Neighbours AU) Person A is tired of hearing Person B being so loud so late at night -- especially when they have to get up super early. They finally decide to confront them on it. 39. (Soulmate AU) Everyone has the same cuts, bruises and scars as their soulmate, which really freaks out Person A, who becomes determined to find their soulmate to make them stop getting hurt. 40. Person A and B are hiding their relationship from everyone. They’re not very good at it. 41. Person A finally trusts Person B to meet their (insert here); the last step in their relationship. 42. Person A sends their text to the LAST person they wanted to send it to: Person B. 43. (Delivery Person AU) Person A somehow always manages to be the one to sign for the office packages...does Person B have anything to do with it? (Also, why does A keep buying so much stuff?!) 44. (Arranged Marriage) Person A is being forced into a marriage to Person C neither they or Person B wants. But B might just have a plan out... 45. (Bodyguard AU) Person A always knew that Person C was rich, but never rich enough to need a legit bodyguard. But when C’s father’s company is threatened, they call in the big dogs -- and they’re cute, too. Aka...A makes a point to catch the attention of Person B at any time possible, much to their upset. 46. (University AU) Person A needs a model. Person B needs a way to occupy their afternoon. Thus, a deal is struck. 47. Person A is a private detective hired to work the case on a mysterious murder (that strangely, Person C doesn’t want getting out). Person B is C’s lead suspect, but A can’t help but feel like they’re not the real culprit... 48. Person A drags Person B along onto a roadtrip across the country to go visit their oddball grandparents. But things go south quickly. 49. Person A gets robbed, and has no one to call when they can’t shake the nightmares but Person B. 50. Person A can manipulate time, but only by an hour. Person B doesn’t know this, but gets suspicious when they see A do something very, very weird... (you can supply more details for this one) 51. (Neighbours AU) Person A and B have the thinnest walls ever, which would suck, but they both oddly have the exact same taste in music. It’s nice; if only they got to meet. 52. (Store AU) Person A and B get locked into their work’s freezer for the night. 53. (Coffee Shop AU) Person B has never met Person A; they always miss them by only a minute. They do, however, manage to sit at the exact same table every day and pick up the piece of art they leave for the next customer. 54. Person A has loved Person B their entire life. Too bad they’ll never get to tell them. 55. (Diner AU) Person A meets Person B at three in the morning when they stumble in soaked. They’re surprised, when they show up again...and again...at the exact same time. 56. (5+1) Five times Person A told Person B they loved them, and the one time Person B finally said it back. 57. (5+1) The five times Person A surprises Person B, and the one time Person B surprises A. 58. (5+1) The five times Person A broke Person B’s heart, and the one time they didn’t.  59. (5+1) The five times Person A saved Person B...and the one time Person B couldn’t save A. 60. (5+1) The five times A and B almost meet, and the first time they finally do. 61. (5+1) The five times Person A lies to Person B, and the one time they finally tell the truth. 62. Person B is like, super allergic to dogs. But Person A doesn’t need to know that. 63. Person A has no clue how to tell Person B how they feel. So, they make a playlist. 64. Person A and B accidentally switch luggage at the airport.

Happy requesting, darlings.

[lonelypond]

Casual Lunacy, Ch. 53

NicoMaki, Love Live, 2.8K, 53/?

Summary: Nico and Maki get some alone time.

Aftershocks: An Atonal Interlude

With as jumpy as Maki was during the day, Nico was always surprised to wake up and find the redhead so soundly asleep that not even Nico poking her, or shifting weight off her, or (most of the time) prying out a flung out limb from underneath the torso of a clingy girlfriend would stir the redhead. At some point, Maki had transformed back into human form, most of the bruises, scrapes and burns healed away. Maki snored as Nico eased her way out of bed, finding the t-shirt she’d pulled out of a drawer and a pair of fuzzy wool socks in the dark. After 3 a.m., no news from the parental Nishikinos, and Nico was restless, unsure of what had happened to Maki or her friends early in the evening, uncertain of how walking into the theatre and seeing Kashima would feel, just generally restless. And HUNGRY.  Nico knew as soon as Maki woke up, she’d probably be in search of a snack and both cooking and cleaning served the same purpose, calming Nico when there was too much to think about. So with a gentle breath of a kiss on Maki’s forehead, Nico headed downstairs to see what kind of pantry the Nishikinos kept.

Having accomplished the task of repurposing pancake mix to blueberry muffins, Nico had left them to cool, and invited herself into Maki’s music room, wanting to look at the music Maki had composed to Neruda again. Maki had written it for her, right, so surely no one could object if Nico pulled it out and played it herself. The Nico (and Neruda) by Moonlight folder was lying out on top of the bookshelf, so Nico opened it and sat on the piano bench, shuffling through the scored sheets to see if there was anything else Maki had been working on…

“How like you are to the longest kiss, Its fixed shock seems to nourish you, And its thrust of live coals, of fluttering flag, Goes…” Maki’s voice trembled nervously “throbbing in your domains…What if I was planning to surprise you?”

Nico glanced up, Maki was leaning in the doorframe, hair hanging down over her eyes, bathrobe loosely tied around her, but half falling off her shoulder. The werewolf was trying very hard to glare at Nico, but a huge yawn destroyed any non cute mood she’d been setting. Nico bounced off the bench and wrapped Maki up in a mighty hug, “Nico’s girlfriend is a genius composer.” Nico bopped a kiss on the end of Maki’s nose. Maki leaned into Nico’s hair and Nico could feel the smile.

“Nico made you muffins. You seemed like you’d wake up hungry.”

“I did. They smell wonderful” Maki nodded and looped her fingers through Nico’s, “Come watch me eat.”

The muffins were cool enough to just drop on the plate and Maki grabbed two for a start, to go with her mug of warmed milk.

“These are amazing.” Maki mumbled as she chewed.

“Nico had to unpancake them and spice them up...mostly cinnamon and crumbled candied ginger, since your kitchen has nothing…”

“We order in a lot. My parents go to a bunch of events every month and a chef drops off frozen meals.” Maki grinned at Nico, grabbing another muffin and wiping crumbs from her mouth, “This is so much better.”

“You could kiss the cook.” Nico teased, sipping her hot chocolate, glancing around the Nishikino kitchen, considering what she’d have to bring with her to make Maki a decent home cooked meal. Pretty much all Maki had was assorted caffeinated products, some candy, and a supply of candles.

“Later.” Maki winked, continuing to decimate the muffin fortress. “I’ve been so HUNGRY.” Maki groaned, “I lost track of how many transformations I went through. Everything was....” Maki pulled a muffin in half, “split...confusing.”

Nico, content to watch her girlfriend enjoying Nico’s cooking skills, let Maki finish eating before asking for anymore details.

As Maki swallowed the last bite, Nico put her mug down. “So what exactly happened to you?”

Maki grimaced at Nico's straightforwardness, taking a few seconds to stare sadly at the empty muffin plate, “Um…” Maki bit her lip, fang out, but her girlfriend was locked in too introspective a mood for Nico to get many clues.

More encouragement maybe. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to…but Nico will listen.”

Maki nodded her head, still staring ahead blankly, fingers rubbing at her temples as she tried to push into phrases that Nico could understand the dissonance that had confronted her senses. Maybe a painter could have shown all the levels but...Maki could hear Nico humming under her breath, it was something the future star of stage and screen had taken to doing when she was trying not to rush Maki with questions. But the humming had reminded Maki of a thought...

Maki stood abruptly, inspired, grabbing Nico’s hand again, dragging her back to the music room, leaving Nico standing while Maki pushed up the fallboard and began to play, her hands gliding over the keys at first, and pausing and then pounding across the piano, more drift, a lift from her seat and then diving into the keys to strike jarring, strident notes, then a quick trill, then a circular swing of the head into a pause to launch broadly ominous strokes with both hands, gentler touches and desperate strikes sounding with no real pattern…Nico twisted her own hands, she’d never heard music like this before, no way she was going back to sleep for hours as the notes, stripped of any familiar rhythm, bored into her ears. But watching Maki, radiating passion, unerringly precise, caught, completely absorbed in the storm she was creating, grace and melody warring with seemingly random lurching crashes of notes kept Nico from pleading with the musician to stop. When Maki did let her fingers fall silent on the keys and the quakes of music stilled, amethyst eyes, charged with emerald neon, swirling with haunted shadows, cried.

Nico couldn’t move, overcome with….reverence, like the deep of heart at prayer. Maki seemed unapproachable, aloof, so distant, face a pained carving in hard experience. But Nico needed to reach out, Maki was too alone, porcelain not marble...Hesitating, Nico spoke softly into the silence, which almost pulsed as it filled the places the music had painfully torn. “Did you…”

Maki shook her head, “Arnold Schoenberg. I learned it to study atonal music.”

“It was…” Nico debated whether to compliment the player or strike the truth, sliding next to Maki on the bench, searching the pain clouding Maki’s eyes, “awful.”

Maki surprised herself with a laughing grin, “Yeah, it was.”

Nico stroked Maki’s chin, gently, thumb teasing Maki’s lip, “You were brave.”

Maki gulped and nodded.

“You saved your friends. And Nico.” Nico shivered, remembering the stifling closeness of the coffin.

Reminding Maki of Nico’s peril was a misjudgement if Nico wanted her ribs unbruised because the werewolf jerked forward and threw her arms around Nico, practically driving them both off the bench, snuffling madly through Nico's hair.

Nico’s words were rushed as she tried to calm Maki, “Nico is fine, pretty girl, nobody hurt Nico, everything is okay, you’re home now, we’re home now, Nico is here…”

The Schoenberg still in her ears and the strange tingle of another existence lingering, Maki had a sudden fear she would wake up and be in a nightmare, again, alone, strange smells, dissonant sounds, no weight, no Nico…when the barrier had stopped her and there had been no trace of Nico anywhere in the strangeness she and Rin and Hanayo had been trapped in, Maki had felt a harder, scarring hit than any of Anju’s traceless attacks.

“Nico…” There was a frantic urgency in Maki’s voice as she threw her body into Nico, rolling them over and over as she kissed the sable haired dynamo desperately. Nico was trying to keep some control but when Maki took Nico’s hand and placed it over the curve of her breast pressing against Nico, whispering Nico’s name, kiss biting Nico’s lip in a the hastiest, messiest, sexiest way possible, Nico let her own primitive instincts take over, forcing the werewolf to stop long enough for Nico to regain control of their equilibrium, Maki’s neck no longer a moving target, but a bullseye Nico could hit with her eyes closed, nipping kisses that made Maki’s head roll back, mouth open, moans and whimpers filling the music room with a melody Nico preferred.

Nico had already gotten used to the feel of feather light, ticklish red hair sprayed across her face like a light mist of water. It did still occasionally trigger a near sneeze and as her face contorted, Maki rolled with laughter, pushing them both into the couch. Nico tenderly pulled Maki’s robe over her lover, the door was still open after all, but Nico knew werewolf hearing would have warned them of anyone’s arrival. Nico stretched out, one arm under Maki, thinking how nice it was to have this much space, to stretch, to think, to exist, without anyone crowding. Maki didn’t count, Maki didn’t crowd, Maki was a warm, gladdening weight reminding Nico of exactly how on top of the world she was. And that was a wonderful feeling after the frustrations of the earlier part of the evening, the idiocy of Kashima and company. Maki sensed Nico’s focus turning elsewhere and nudged Nico with her nose, human so not wet or cold, just a tickling tease to remind Nico she had an audience right there. Nico flipped up on her side, kissing the nuzzling Maki on the forehead, “All better, pretty girl?”

Maki nodded, a little shy, still uncertain about revealing so much vulnerability. Nico, head propped on her fist so her eyes were level with naked and nervous’s glowing amethyst emotional barometers, smiled softly, “You’re kind of amazing, Gorgeous. Nico still can’t believe how lucky she is to have you for her adoring girlfriend.”

Maki blushed and ducked her head. Nico held her closer, “Of course, Nico does have her own charms.” Emboldened by the way Maki melted into her, Nico couldn’t stop the self congratulatory train, “Maki would be lost without her Nico.”

Once again a wrong note, mixed with the brash smirk Maki found so irresistible, too close in time to the vision of a Nico not breathing and a small world of air that held no traces of Nico. Maki sat up, pulling up her robe, pushing off the couch to get to her feet, “You can’t just say that...why would you say that…” tears, so many tears from Nico didn’t know where, then a whimper as Maki shook her head, red flying everywhere, “I can’t do this…”

Nico’s heart started racing from panic, “What did I say, Maki? What happened?”

Maki was pacing, too fast, long legs flashing and distracting Nico from trying to figure out where the mood went wrong. Nico tried for an embrace, but Maki didn’t stop, one hand up. “Just don’t…”

“C’mon, Maki...tell me what’s happening....Nico was just teasing…” Nico forcibly adjusted her focus, watching Maki’s expression for clues, wondering what else she could say to maybe get a reaction from Maki that would explain what was going on.

Nico was just too close. How if Nico kept being so close could Maki process all of this? Nico joking about not being there, daring the universe with how fragile their connection was, the terror Maki felt at the thought of losing her, the fear now, knowing there were worlds without Nico and Maki had been there, needing Nico’s touch but not wanting to need it...if Nico was there, eyes full of a matching fear, an echoing future loss, fingers tingling even at the distance Maki was desperately trying to keep, the sanity of a solitude now impossible that Nico had blasted open Maki’s heart, pieces in every pore, skin rippling, want resonating. No, no, now music was resonating, Maki was at the piano, Neruda and Nico once again intruding in her head, taking over, driving out everything but impulse. Pounding impulse, pressing need, an absence ripped bare by Nico’s presence.

“Safe in the midst of Spring crazy with light in the cold, walking tranquil in the fire, lifting your petal weight in my arms as if I had never walked except with you, my heart, as if could not walk except with you,”

Then she whispered aloud, Nico’s presence forgotten as her fingers found the right notes, “as if I could not sing/except when you sing.” And then she played through the whole passage,

“Safe, crazy with light, tranquil in fire, singing….as if, as if never, never...except with you, except with you.”

“Never. Except with you.”  What had happened to the Maki before Nico? Before Neruda?

Maki wrote notes quickly on the score, then jumped when Nico’s hands dropped on her shoulders, “You would do fine without Nico, pretty girl. This” Nico tapped the sheet with her finger, “is genius.”

“It just happens.” Maki frowned, not looking at her lover, “I have to get it out of my head…”

“Good.” Nico played with Maki’s hair, keeping her tone deliberately light, “more room for fantasies about me.”

Maki almost shook off Nico’s hands, her obvious discomfort surprising Nico. Nico couldn’t keep the annoyance out of her voice, “What is wrong? What did I do?”

Leaning forward, Nico could see Maki’s eyes, the neon green an unsettling slow pulse around the werewolf’s pupils, mouth opening and closing several times. Then Maki took a deep breath and howled as effectively as she could as a human. Maki let her throat open and freed the fear, that this was the moment her need of Nico left bare the truth that she had no idea how to get back to neutral, to solitary Maki, to a Maki not lost in a swell of feelings and physical needs.

Nico tried to make sense of the emotions she could feel mashed up in Maki’s voice, the tension under her hands...there was withdrawal, isolation, uncertainty, searching...but here they were, both here together, safe, Maki had not even a thirty minutes ago, screamed out Nico’s name in cresting, crashing ecstasy...how had that become this, this feeling that Maki had taken herself somewhere else, somewhere Nico didn’t know and couldn’t find, but that wasn’t true, Nico would find Maki anywhere…not knowing what else to do, Nico hugged Maki as tightly as she could, whispering “Maki” over and over again, and waiting, feeling Maki’s hasty breaths as the werewolf tensed, possibly debating whether to stand or run or…talking was a new option for Maki, Nico realized, one the werewolf had yet to grow comfortable with. After several minutes of Maki’s awkwardnesss, the feeling that her girlfriend wanted to bolt, but...Nico let go and sat on the bench next to Maki, legs just touching.

“Sorry, pretty girl…I don’t know what I did but...” Nico pressed a long note.

Maki shook her head, hands clenched in front of her, “You’re fine...”

“What are you?” Nico questioned gently, choosing words more carefully than ever before.

A shrug, Maki’s head thrown back, tumbling curls of hair freed from gravity for a moment in a graceful sweep through the air, arms shaking out some of their tension.

After a minute of thought. “I’m tired, Nico.” She let her head fall on Nico’s shoulder.

“Yeah.”

Nico imagined a ghost of a smile. She wondered if she was right. So many things still to discover. But first, she needed to get Maki back to bed. And not in the sexy way.

“Nico will tuck you in.” Nico took Maki’s hand, glad to feel a warmth between their palms, as if the redhead had decided to close this sudden distance between them. “And sleep down here, if you want.”

“Let’s just stay.” Maki, head still on Nico’s shoulder, sounded years worth of weary. Nico needed to ask Rin and Hanayo for more details when she saw them.

“If that’s what Maki wants.” Nico reached across to stroke Maki’s hair.

“I do.”

A/N: This was meant to be a longer chapter, but no one wanted to intrude.

Take care!