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streamafterlaughter · 1 year

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Fundamental Differing

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Chapter XVII: Something In The Way

warnings: MDNI 18+ ONLY! implications of suicide (very slight), alcohol abuse, drug abuse, unhealthy coping mechanisms, angst, miscommunications as always! you get called babe/baby a lot in this chapter (platonically)

tags: rockstar!eddie x rockstar!reader, gn!reader, afab!reader

a/n: remember last time when i said we were like halfway through yeah i thiiiiiink i may have lied. STRAP IN BFFS i have so many ideas and the will to write them. hope this one leaves u looking forward to the next few ;)

Disclaimer: I do not give permission to have my work reposted on other sites. Reblogs are more than welcome, but please inform me if you find my work elsewhere unless otherwise stated.

——

December 1985

Eddie’s POV

“We’ll always find each other”

You tilt your head in question, unsure what he’s getting at. Eddie continues, “When you’re stuck in your nightmares, or when I’m fighting my ego, we’ll find each other. Bring each other back down to earth. When we’re rich and famous and far away from here, we’ll still find each other.”

He can feel his eyes welling at his own words. He can’t imagine losing you, letting you go or watching you leave, not after everything he’s seen. When you nod your head, Eddie feels the tightness in his chest dissipate. “I promise. I’ll always find you.” You seal the words with a kiss, one that grows more desperate as Eddie grips your face in his hand. He lets the tears fall, his eyes screwed shut as you kiss him. It scares him, how he feels about you. Nothing in his life had prepared him for someone like you to love him. He knows he’s broken, that he’ll fuck up constantly. Something in his gut keeps telling him he doesn’t have forever with you, that he’ll make an unfixable mistake and push you away.

Your POV

You wake up to an empty bed, the spot where Eddie had lay growing cold. You groan at the light streaming through his windows, rolling over to shield your eyes with a pillow that smells too much like him. There’s a gentle knock on your door before Eddie opens it, “Hey,” He half whispers, “Wayne made breakfast, you hungry?”

You nod into the pillow before sitting up. Eddie’s already dressed in his street clothes, ready for the trip to Columbus for the show tonight. He offers his hand, and you take it, letting him pull you to your feet. You cling to him, your grip on his hand refusing to loosen as he leads you to the kitchen, where Wayne is flipping a chocolate chip pancake on the stove.

“Hey, kiddo. You alright? Ed filled me in on everything.” He eyes his nephew, who doesn’t object to his admission.

“Yeah, thank you.” You look up at Eddie, still feeling soft from sleep. “Eddie took care of me.” You squeeze his hand, and he squeezes back. Wayne places a plate in front of you, and goes to pour another coffee for himself, also pouring one for you and Eddie.

The three of you are quiet as you eat, the only sounds coming from the clinking of forks against plates, or the gentle slurping of coffee, until the comfortable silence is broken by the knocking on Wayne’s front door.

Eddie groans dramatically, head thrown back and eyes rolled to the ceiling. “I’ll get it.” He pushes himself from the table and leaves to answer the door.

You can hear it immediately, Steve’s anxious tone as he rambles, “I don’t know where they went, I figured you’d be the one to know—“

“They’re here, Steve,” Eddie deadpans, and you giggle as Wayne chuckles.

“Here? Like here, here?”

“Nance didn’t tell you?”

“No one tells me shit anymore, Eddie.”

You hear two sets of footsteps. Steve follows Eddie into the kitchen, where he inspects the scene before him; You, in Eddie’s clothes, hair disheveled, stuffing pancakes into your mouth with bright red cheeks, giggling with Eddie’s uncle. “You scared the shit out of me!” Your eyes widen at your friend’s anger, but Steve doesn’t stop. “I woke up and you were gone, not even Robin knew where you were. You could have left a note, called, something!”

“Well, you found me. And I’m safe.” You don’t want to argue, but you really don’t want to explain yourself to Steve right now.

He’s not done, though. “I’m responsible for you, Y/n. On this tour, you and the band are my only priority. If you’re gonna go somewhere in the middle of the goddamn night, you need to tell someone. Preferably me.”

“I figured Nancy would have told you. I woke her up last night, and she knew where I was going.”

Steve rubs his hand down his tired face, and you feel guilty for making him worry. “And I think she believed you wanted some alone time, truly. But we need to go if we’re gonna make it to Columbus in time.”

You hang your head like a scolded child, and drag yourself from the breakfast table. “Alright. I’ll be out in a second.” Steve gives you a short nod before turning around, slamming the door behind him.

“Well,” Eddie starts after a beat of painful silence, “Let’s get this show on the road, yeah?”

“Can I talk to you first?” It’s almost a whisper, but Eddie is so fine tuned to you, he nods without hesitating. You follow him into the dining room, away from where his uncle can hear you, you’re too embarrassed to say anything in front of him.

“I really don’t wanna hear you say sorry again, sweetheart.” Eddie turns to face you, his hand still trapped in yours, making no effort to let go. “You know I’d do anything for you. Anything you wanted.”

You shake your head sadly. “I won’t, I promise. But it doesn’t mean I’m not thinking it.”

Eddie shakes his head, bringing his free hand up to cup your cheek. You lean into his touch without a second thought, your eyes closing as his thumb strokes your skin. “I told you, we’d find each other.” It’s a whisper, barely audible, but you hear him like he’s shouting in your ear. It’s a promise you made to each other long ago, when you were love sick and naive, a promise to come back to each other after every battle, every stupid argument. Of course, things hadn’t gone completely according to plan in the last six years, but he’d still managed to find you. He’s just waiting for you to find him, to keep your promise. You’re still not sure if you can.

“I’ll see you in Columbus.” His hand falls as you speak, and you miss its warmth. “Thank you.” It’s a standoff. You’re still not sure how to say goodbye to him, even though you’ve done it hundreds of times by now. Everything in you is fighting to stay stuck to his floor.

“Yeah, I’ll see you.”

And you finally tear yourself away, not saying a single thing you’d wanted to. Really, all you want is for him to hold you, to stay here with Wayne, quit the band, quit it all to remain in this happy little bubble you’ve deluded yourself into thinking you belong in. But you can’t, so you give Wayne a long hug, and wave goodbye to the Munsons’, closing the door behind you.

Eddie’s POV

He blows out the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. Behind him, Wayne snorts a laugh and Eddie whips his head around. “What are you laughlin’ at?”

Wayne shakes his head. “You, boy. You’re such an idiot.” There’s no bite to his comment, and Eddie laughs with him.

“You’re probably the sixth person to tell me that in the last twenty four hours.”

Wayne stops laughing suddenly, his frown lines deepening. “How many more ‘til you do something about it?”

Eddie’s baffled. “What am I supposed to do?”

“Be straight with ‘em, for one thing. You can’t keep beatin’ around bushes hopin’ they’ll be content with that.” Wayne scolds, and it breaks Eddie’s heart disappointing him.

“Okay, hold on. You don’t have a clue about what’s goin’ on with us.” He feels his walks rising, preparing to shield himself from a harsh truth.

“Because you don’t tell me, Eddie!” Wayne’s voice booms through the house, shooting into Eddie’s ears and rattling his brain. “I do know, that kid loves you.”

“Yeah, but I don’t-“

“Deserve it?” Wayne slams his mug onto the counter, causing Eddie to jump. “No, you don’t, not the way you’ve been actin’ lately. Kid I raised, though? That treated everyone like a friend or family, ‘n’ would chop his own leg off if it meant a better day for someone else? He does. Where the fuck did he go? What have you done with my son?” It’s unmistakable, the breakage of Wayne’s voice. “I almost lost you, Ed. Not once, but twice. You almost died, and your first instinct when you survived was to try and kill yourself.”

Eddie’s ears ring with the silence that follows. “You promised you’d never bring it up.” He feels his throat betray him, choking on his words.

“And you promised me you’d work on yourself. You promised me you’d try to get better.”

“And I am, I- I was. I slipped.”

Wayne rubs his tired face, trying to soothe himself. “I know it’s been hard. I can’t imagine what you must be feeling, frankly I don’t want to. But this ain’t the way to deal with it. Point is, you’re hurtin’ people you love, boy. I know Y/n’s hurtin’ bad.”

“You couldn’t possibly-“

Wayne stares him down, daring Eddie to question him again. “I know. I won’t ask you to promise me again, I’ve learned my lesson. But maybe it’ll get through your thick skull this time. Before it’s too goddamn late.”

Eddie swats a tear away, looking at his uncle through blurred vision. “So you’re saying it’s not too late yet?”

Wayne steps closer, his arms open. He lands a hand on each of his biceps, holding Eddie at arms length. “No, it’s not too late, kid. But you better shape up quick.”

Eddie nods, and lets Wayne pull him into a hug, wrapping his own arms around the older man. “I’m sorry, Wayne.”

“I know, kid. Get used to sayin’ it.”

Wayne pulls back, and Eddie adds, “Y’know, Y/n and I aren’t exactly sure what we’re doing.”

Wayne rolls his eyes, something Eddie’s never seen him do before. “Please, everyone on the planet and beyond knows what you two are doing.”

“Wanna enlighten me, then?”

“Bein’ fuckin’ cowards.” Wayne crosses his arms. “The way you look at each other, no way there’s anyone left that hasn’t caught on. But you’re not acknowledging the hard parts.”

Eddie groans. “Well, yeah, Wayne, we tend to avoid the hard parts. I don’t even know if I’m in the right place to be with them.”

“That is incredibly mature of you, Edward.” Eddie only scoffs. “Look, I get it. I respect your thought process. But you should probably reconcile at the very least. Have a conversation, spend a day together. Maybe not. Do the hard part. I can just tell it’s killin’ you to hold ‘em at night and not even see ‘em the next day.”

Of course he’s right, it’s destroying Eddie, only having you partially. There’s so much you don’t know about what happened to him, and so much he still doesn’t understand about you leaving. He knows he’s done wrong, he’s treated you poorly and he’s paid over and over for it in his mind, but he still doesn’t know what the final nail in the coffin was. Something tells him you’re not gonna give it up easily, either. Something has to give soon, even if he’s gotta make it. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I’ll tell them. I’ll be honest.”

“Easier said than done, kid.”

Eddie shakes his head. “No, they deserve to know everything. Then, they can decide if they want anything to do with me.”

Wayne sighs. “They won’t see you as less than for it. You know that, right?” Eddie shrugs, gnawing on the inside of his cheek. “Why’d y’think you fell for ‘em in the first place?” He cracks a smile at his nephew. “You’re gonna be okay. You have a real good thing here.”

It’s Eddie who initiates the hug this time, throwing his arms around his uncle. Wayne returns the hug, chuckling into his nephew’s shoulder as he whacks his back lovingly. “Okay, okay,” Eddie let’s him go. “I gotta hit the road. I’ll call you when I get to Columbus.”

“Sure you will.” Wayne crosses his arms.

“I promise!”

“We’ll see!”

“I love you, Wayne.”

“Get goin’ before I boot you out myself.”

Eddie turns around, and right before he shuts the door he hears Wayne call “Love you, too!” causing a smile to creep across his face.

Eddie doesn’t want to tell you anything, obviously. He’s terrified. He knows it’s important, if any of this is gonna work out between you two. Trust is earned, he knows that, and he’s figured out it’s earned with truth. No fuckin’ shit.

So maybe he tells you. He confesses this deep, scary truth about himself to you in the hopes that you’ll reciprocate with a reason for leaving? Seems wildly unfair and selfish, even Eddie can see that. No. He shares this with you in hopes that you won’t run screaming in the opposite direction? Why wouldn’t you? Seems like a reasonable reaction. No. He tells you because you deserve to know. There can be no hope, not now. He can’t let himself expect anything from you, you don’t owe him. But it sticks inside his brain regardless, the idea that you might still speak to him after all of it. He can’t help it.

Eddie climbs onto his bus, back through the portal into the scary world of rock and roll, and the driver pulls away, cranking the volume to Something In The Way. His bandmates and Steve greet him cautiously, and he returns their curious glances with a shake of his head. There’s too much to explain right now, and Eddie’s sure they wouldn’t get it.

Steve, however, is not accepting that. “Can you come back here for a sec? Need some help with something.” It’s a command disguised as a question, and Eddie obeys, trudging towards the back of the bus, into the little bedroom where both of them barely fit.

“Thought you went with Death Dance?” Eddie stalls, ready to tiptoe around the elephant in the room.

“Nah, they’re fine without me hovering. You, on the other hand,”

“Need to be hovered around?”

Steve taps his nose. “Bingo. Anyway, look, I know you’re going through a lot, and I know Columbus harbors some old wounds, but I need you to keep it together.”

“I’ll do my best not to freak out, Harrington, but you and I both know I can’t promise anything.”

Steve pinches the bridge of his nose, screwing his eyes shut in frustration. “Fine. But you have to try. If this means anything to you, you’ll try.”

“What’s the big deal, man? Why’s this so important to you?” Eddie tries not to be irritated, but even he can hear the venom in his own voice.

“You’re important to me, dude. It hurts to see you all screwed up, throwing your life away, drinking ‘til you can’t see. You’re scaring us.”

“Us?” Steve presses his lips together. “You been talkin’ behind my back? Can’t really say I’m surprised.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “To who?”

“What?”

“Who’ve you been talking about me with?”

“Who do you think?” Bastard doesn’t even bother lying. It’s Eddie’s turn to shut up. What has he told you? How much do you know?

“What did you-“

“Nothing. None of that shit, that’s not mine to tell. They’ve come to me, worried. I wish you’d open your fuckin’ eyes, man. That’s all.”

“Alright, alright. I surrender. I’ll try to be good!”

“Thank you. I’m kinda sick of the asshole you’ve become.”

“You and me both, brother.”

Your POV

“Hey,” Robin places herself across from you in the booth, “You wanna explain that little escapade for me?” She rests her chin in her hand, elbow propped on the table, the ultimate pseudo-posh body language meant for gossip.

You lean into the bit, and into your friend, mirroring her posture. “Well, first I woke up shrieking from a nightmare about Eddie dying, only to ask our lovely hostess for his uncle’s address, steal Mike’s bicycle, and bang on his front door like a fucking campaign volunteer!”

Robin blinks at you, seemingly unbothered by this irrational series of events. Great, you’ve become predictable. “What did he say?”

“Hm?”

“When you told him?”

“Nothing spectacular, it was two a.m.” This isn’t the reaction you’d expected from her.

“So no wild accusations this time?”

You scoff, crossing your arms over your chest. “He apologized. He misunderstood-“

“He eavesdropped! Y/n, babe, please come back to earth for one second here. You really think it’s a shocker to ask if he’s hurt you again? Look at the notes.”

She’s right, but you’ll be damned if she gets to know that. “I’m done with this conversation, Robin. I mean it.”

“Okay, fine! New topic!” Robin snaps you from your daze. “There are whisperings.”

“Oh?” You quirk an eyebrow at her, and she nods vigorously. “I overheard Steve on the phone this morning. All I heard is that one of the smaller bands might have to back out of Lollapalooza. Nothing’s certain, and obviously I’m not supposed to know this, but-“

You hold a hand up to stop her. “Then why are you giddy?”

“Because it’s Lollapalooza! That would be huge for us!”

“Lolla hasn’t even started yet, Robs. Baby steps, please.”

“No, but it starts in two weeks. We overlap dates, and you’ll never guess where.”

You pretend to think. There are only two places important enough to you to mention, and one is growing smaller behind your bus. “August 7th. Great Woods, we play Boston on the 6th.” Home. Playing Lollapalooza at home. You could die after that, and be genuinely content. Robin’s smile creeps across her face again, and you join her this time, letting the excitement of hope tug at your heartstrings.

The sun is thinking about setting when you arrive in Columbus, having to forego stopping at the hotel for a shower. The buses pull behind the venue, an arena twice the size of the places you’d been playing until this point, not something expected from a state that’s mostly farmland.

“This is crazy,” Sylvie mutters as security leads the eight of you, Corroded Coffin, and Steve backstage.

“Dude,” Gareth backhands Eddie’s chest, “Judas Priest played here. Scott Travis walked these very halls.” Eddie only rolls his eyes at his awestruck friend. “Travis has only been in the band for two years.”

“I have a good feeling about him, though!”

The two continue to bicker, and you tune them out. It seems you take many turns down secondary hallways before ending up in a vast, mostly empty room save for two cheap vanity sets and a plastic fold out table with your rider orders displayed, and a few wooden shades to change behind. “This place is huge!” Their voice shakes with nerves, and you place a comforting hand on their shoulder.

“I know, but think of it like this. Maybe more people will leave here listening to our stuff.”

Sylvie nods wordlessly, and you give them a squeeze.

“Okay, guys, we have two hours to showtime, and I am begging you to use that time to relax and get ready,” He shoots a glare at you, instead of stressing yourselves out. Please.”

You raise your hands in mock surrender, and Eddie stifles a laugh poorly. “Alright, well, dismissed.” Steve shoos you all away, leaving the makeshift dressing room in a huff.

“What’s got his panties in a bunch?” Eddie wonders aloud, and no one has an answer. You look at Robin, and she only shrugs. The last thing you need right now is your caretaker having a meltdown.

You’re called for soundcheck, once again being led through the backstage tunnels, flashing your badge to staff members as they pass. The stage is about twice the size of what you’re used to seeing, and maybe four times bigger than the allotment usually given to you as an opener. “There’s so much room for activities!” Robin squeals, and you giggle. She’s right, you could really let loose with your antics up here.

“Alright let’s get busy, check, check!” Steve claps his hands together, and the rest of you scramble to your marks. You watch as Steve takes his place in front of the stage, making sure he can hear you, even though it won’t matter in the long run when there are six thousand people screaming in front of the speakers anyway.

You fiddle with your guitar, tuning each string as quickly as you can, testing your mic and pedals, playing with your in-ear, all while trying to keep an eye on Steve, tapping his foot anxiously in your peripheral. You and Robin send each other concerned glances, both thrown off by Steve’s palpable anxiety.

Despite Steve’s unexplained jitters, sound check is smooth, and the four of you are brought back to your dressing area, switching out for the headliners to deal with Mama Harrington.

“WHO ARE WE?!”

“DEATH DANCE APPROXIMATELY!”

You huddle, growling and grunting playfully to hype each other up to perform until you’re cackling so hard your ribs hurt. “This is our biggest show to date,” You put on your pep talk voice, “So we’re gonna go out there and rip this place to shreds, yeah?”

“FUCK YEAH!”

“FUCK YEAH!” You bring it in for one more group hug before shaking off your individual nerves. Security leads you out, the crowd getting louder as you get closer. Steve follows behind you, posture tight as he power walks to the side of the stage to wish you all luck.

“Break a leg, baby,” He holds out his fist for you to bump, but you swat it down, bringing him into a hug that he returns without hesitating.

“We’ll talk after, yeah?” You mumble into his shoulder, and feel him nod.

“Thank you.” You pat his back and let him go, and he watches as you follow the rest of the band on stage, the crowd getting impossibly louder when you appear.

Eddie’s POV

He wanders into the crowd with Steve and a crew member close behind, hair tied up and hidden by a baseball cap he’d never choose on his own. Tonight he’s insisted on not drinking, but the anxiety about talking to you, for real, is eating him alive. Of course, when Steve had heard this, he’d gone all Protector mode on Eddie, now following him through the venue to hold him to his word. I could use the company, though, Eddie thinks sadly.

In the back of the venue, casual fans collect their drinks from the bar, or walk away from the merch stands with handfuls of memorabilia. A few people give him second looks that he averts less than slyly, only trying to get a decent view of you on stage.

Tonight, like every other, you’re holding the audience captive with your performance. Dressed in an oversized Bikini Kill shirt, red fishnets, and spandex shorts, your body lifted higher by heavy boots. You glow under the stage lights, hair damp and sticking to your sweaty face as you pour your soul into your vocals. Tonight’s performance seems more raw, to Eddie. Your voice, though still incredible, holds a certain rasp it doesn’t usually. You sound more pained, the way you must have felt originally writing these songs. It’s like you sense it, the shift in your equilibrium finally catching up. Eddie feels it in himself, every time you look at him, somehow still finding him in his disguise, in a room of thousands.

He wants to drink. Or smoke, or fuck, or cut a line, even, the pain in his chest is unbearable, knowing what he’s put you through, and the fact that you don’t know everything. He wants to take it all away, every ounce of pain you could ever feel, even if it means his worst nightmare comes true. Everything inside of Eddie itches, squirms under his skin while you sing, voice grating and cracking against the screaming crown.

“Thank you, Columbus! We have been Death Dance Approximately, and this is our last song! Sing it if you know it!”

Lilith counts you in, and the song is met with even more shrieks of the casual listers recognizing your hit. The one about Eddie, the one written for him in high school by someone he’d never get enough of. He doesn’t usually stay for this one, the song almost impossible for him to listen to now. Tonight, though, Eddie sways with the crowd, even throwing a careless arm around a befuddled Steve. Eddie may never have you again, but he did once, and he plans to hold on tightly to that fact, regardless of what happens after tonight.

Your POV

“Thank you! Everybody get pumped, Corroded Coffin’s on next! Goodnight!” You blow kiss after kiss to the audience, eyes scanning for the person they’re actually for as you take your bows and walk offstage. Already, the crew buzzes around you, hauling instruments and wires on and off the stage, hustling to tape down setlists, check levels, and reveal the Corroded Coffin flag currently covered by your band’s logo.

“Great show, guys, absolutely killed it.” Steve claps for all of you as you enter the dressing room, careful to stay out of the way of your tour mates’ paths. But someone’s missing from the scramble.

“Has anyone seen Eddie?” Jeff looks from you, to Steve, to anyone else in his eye line. His question is met with the shaking of heads, no one confirming they’ve had eyes on him.

Steve takes charge easily. “Alright. Rob, check the bar. Sylvie, check the bathrooms, and Lilith, go talk to the bouncers. I will try to call his—“ he pauses, looking at you, “…friend, here in town.”

You ignore your friend’s strange inflection. “What about me?”

“What?”

“Where should I look?”

Steve presses his lips together, not fully looking you in the eye. “I think it’s probably best if you don’t get involved, Y/n.”

This baffles you. “Excuse me?”

“It’s not you, it’s just,” he huffs, “This city is hard for him to be in, after… Look, I don’t know what you know. Let’s just say I expected this.”

“Steve, holy shit, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“I don’t have time to explain right now!” Your bandmates have already left the room. “We need to find him. If you have such a dire need to look for him, fine, but I can’t tell you anything else. It’s not my place.”

What the fuck could he be talking about? You groan, throwing yourself into a fold out chair, defeated, and Steve stomps out of the room. It takes you all of two minutes to give in, grumbling to yourself as you exit the dressing room into the backstage labyrinth. “He could be anywhere. Shit!”

Before you even make it around the first corner, you hear the beep of a security guard’s walkie. “Hey, yeah, we found him. Out behind the parking lot with some girl.”

“He alright?” Steve.

“Yeah, he’s good. No sign of substances. On our way in.” You chew on the inside of your cheek as you return to the room. He’s got a girl here?

—

chapter XVIII

tag list: @children-of-the-grave @five-bi-five @wiildflower-xxx @beebeerockknot @champagne-glamour @xxgothwhorexx @therensistance @chonkzombie @brxkenartt @sidthedollface2 @bibieddiesgf @gaysludge @eddiesguitarskills @littlepotatobeansworld @poisonedluv @kellsck @m-chmcl-rmnc

#st #fics #eddie munson fanfic #eddie munson x reader #eddie munson x y/n #eddie munson x you #afab!reader #gn!reader #strangerthingscentral #stranger things #90s au #au where eddie lives #best friend!steve #best friend!robin #rockstar!eddie x reader #rockstar!reader #fd #new kid fic

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blackfemmecharacterdependency · 4 years

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If They Didn’t Get on the Train Shana/Grace Deleted Scene:

Honestly, it wasn’t a deleted scene so much as when I was copying and pasting, I absolutely left it out of the chapter. @kujo1597 @andromidagalaxie One day, this tag will work between us. @strawdool @negromouthandafro I really didn’t have to do anything but copy and paste, but if there’s errors, I apologize. This takes place within Chapter 19′s time frame.

“Hey, Grace! There’s somebody that wanted to speak to you!” one of the bartenders said when she was finished with her set at a friend’s bar. She was successful, but she didn’t have the Monroe money that she had been brought up in, and her trust fund was still hefty, but she still had bills that she was responsible for, so she worked. She didn’t mind working, because she was able to do something that she loved. A lot of people knew her. A lot of famous people liked her. A lot of people tried to talk to her. She didn’t expect to see Shana whenever she turned her eyes towards where the bartender gestured.

The woman had a large puff in the back of her head and was wearing a beret on the smoothed down part. She smiled and headed Grace’s way and Grace didn’t know whether she should prepare herself to fight or just run so she wouldn’t have to. “Don’t tell me you don’t remember me, Bitch?” Shana asked and laughed. Grace relaxed a little, but was still tense. “Come sit down with me. I’ll buy you a drink.” Grace followed her, the frohawk on her own head peeking over the heads of others as they worked through the crowd and sat at a table. “What will you have?”

“They know me in here. Just a Gracefront.”

“A Gracefront?” Shana repeated and laughed. “What’s in it?”

“It's a frozen virgin melon spritzer. I don’t drink alcohol, so..”

Shana told the waitress, “Two Gracefronts - can you MAKE one of those alcoholic?” She nodded, ‘Thank God!” Once the waitress was gone, Shana looked at Grace, “You look great. You look like nothing ever happened to you.”

“Shana… I’m sorry for chinchecking you that day. I thought you deserved it, and maybe you did, maybe you didn’t. But, I regret a lot about those days. I’m not the same person anymore.”

Shana’s eyes flashed something like anger for the first time tonight, as she thought back to the time Grace straight up punched her. But, she waved a hand, “We were both some bitches, but we were entitled to it. Being young is hard, and we were surrounded by others, supposed to be and act a certain way. We had a lot of shit going on and we took some things out on each other, and some things that we took out on each other was well deserved. If i had realized then what I realize now, I wouldn’t have bothered you about that like I did. I’m presuming also that you wouldn’t have bugged me about daddy’s criminal endeavors.”

“I was so foul for that,” Grace admitted. They both laughed. “What brings you to New York? Someone told me that you were in Atlanta.”

“Who told you that?” Shana wondered.

“I think it was in the alumni group. I didn’t stay long. I only joined it to announce that I was out, so that people wouldn’t have to keep asking my parents.”

“It’s funny that somebody had the time to talk about me there, because I CERTAINLY never joined that alumni group. I hated the kids we went to school with. ESPECIALLY Simon’s narcissistic ass.” Shana watched Grace’s entire demeanor change. It was like she had just seen a ghost. “Sorry. I heard you don’t talk about him, but I sure do. Did anybody tell you about what happened at the end of senior year?”

“No. I don’t know anything but that you two were prom king and queen…”

“We weren’t together, if that’s what you thought. I couldn’t stand him. He actually thought I had a crush on him!”

Grace laughed, “Yeah, he told me that a few times. I never saw it myself, but Simon wasn’t great at taking hints. You sort of had to lead him to water.” The waitress brought their first round of drinks to them.

“I led him alright. I told him exactly what I thought about him, and you…” Shana replayed the conversations, including the announcement at the prom, which made Grace instantly terrified for her and she grew more anxious as Shana retold the parking lot incident. “And after that, I just didn’t feel safe. I finished school via distance learning and I high tailed it to ATL as soon as I got my diploma. It’s been lit. You should come through sometime. Atlanta has a very vibrant music scene for Black people.”

“I’m at Julliard right now, so I definitely won’t be moving any time soon, but I did consider spending some time in Atlanta at some point, so maybe. But, you never told me what you’re doing out here.”

“My girlfriend is from New York, so whenever I saw that you were gonna be performing here during a visit, I figured that I’d come say hi.”

“Really?”

“I was wondering for a while if you really didn’t want to talk about Simon, or if you just wanted to be able to tell your side to someone who wasn’t trying to flog you for all the world to see.”

“Oh.”

Shana laughed, “I’m a journalist, Grace. But, I was also around whenever everything happened and I never thought that it happened the way that it was being said. I didn’t think it was fair, even for you.”

“Well, it’s over and done with now. What difference would it make?” Grace asked.

“You think that wherever Simon Laurent is, he’s just letting people be? You think he’s not having angry outbursts on people in Massachusetts? You think he hasn’t set some rival scientist up for failure or terrified some ex girlfriend into obscurity?”

“I think he's a best selling author, ergo a public figure and that if he did do stuff like that, it would come to light, so, it’s not my business or my problem. I didn’t make people believe his stories or want to hear more about them. It’s not my responsibility to discredit him.” Grace gestured for another drink and began to nervously fold a napkin into an origami bird.

Shana sighed and leaned back in her seat. “I just always wonder how many people bad men can reach. I love my dad, don’t get me wrong, but when I started to research all of the people who were hurt by his crime, it made me lose sleep. When women do wrong, we get what’s coming to us, via the media and in the court system. SOMETIMES, we get it worse, for less infractions. Simon did some very illegal things, and pinned most of it on you and the biggest thing he did only hurt you, when it was legit a very serious crime.” Grace was transported to the way she felt whenever Shana showed her that video. “And I helped. I made it worse. I… it was fucked up.” Shana sighed and sat up. “I was hoping that if you wanted someone to report your side, let your truth show, that you might let me be the person to do it. I owe you that much.”

Grace laughed and shook her head, “That would be a career building story. Everybody wants to know what I have to say about Simon, so it’s not like I wouldn’t be doing you a huge favor in giving you that exclusive.”

“You would be! But, it could help both of us.”

“But, more you though. You know… people that I run into, in everyday life - they don’t even ask me about Simon. They tell me that they loved my twerking pancakes remix video, or that they saw me perform last fall and it blew their mind. I never have to think about Simon unless something else triggers it. This wouldn’t do me any favors, but thank you for the drinks. And, as I said in the beginning, I’m sorry.”

“What would I be able to do? Get you something? Find somebody? What would be a payoff enough for you to talk to me about this?”

“Can you find people?” Grace asked.

“I have a lot of resources for finding people.”

“I was in the center with a girl. She’s been in and out of centers and they won’t give me information, even though we were very close. If you can find her for me, I will think about an interview with you about Simon.”

“That’s not very promising…”

“If you can tell me where she is, I’ll give you an interview… about how I currently feel. Not about what happened before. How do I feel about Simon? That's what everybody wants to know about me. Nobody cares about the truth and I don’t want to stir that up. But, if you can tell me where Hazel Doe is, I will tell you anything I have thought about Simon Laurent since I’ve been a free woman.”

Shana snatched the origami bird and scribbled on it, “Okay Hazel D-O-U-G-H?’

“D-O-E, as in Jane.”

“Okay. Where was the last place that you knew of that she was?” Grace opened her phone to give Shana the information. “This… This is a kid, Grace. Do you know how difficult it is to find kids?”

“Yes, I’ve been trying!”

Shana groaned, but she continued taking down the information, “History of abuse or kidnapping? Because that’ll really give us a hard time.”

“Possibly… Look… this kid means a lot to me. If you really feel like something is the least you can do, it would be this.”

Shana nodded and put the napkin in her bag.

#If They Didn't Get on the Train #AU Infinity Train #Infinity Train #Nesha Fanfiction #Infinity Train Fanfiction #fics #No Train Yes Trauma

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indigopurple · 5 years

Text

Basically a review of OP episode 503 ig

Currently rewatching post-war arc (in the dub so I don't have any screenshots for u guys sry) and theres a few things id like to point out.

During a conversation Dadan once had with Garp, they were talking about Roger. Garp said that even if they were facing powerful enemies, he would never run away because he wouldnt dare leaving his comrads behind; it wasnt an option for him. Obviously we see this in Ace. But ALSO, isnt this what he did with Katakuri? It was a little different cuz of the setting mostly, but he separated himself from his crew to fight off katakuri, and lied to them about being okay so they didn't worry (he was already getting his ass kicked by then, so he just made that stupid smile and told them not to worry (or smth like that, I can remember the exact line) (that smile was so gross and fake cuz he fucking sucks at lying). Also he said roger destroyed a buncha soldiers cuz they mouthed off his men. That's what Ace tried to do but instead he died. :(

"The pain he went through just made him hold on tighter to the ones he loved" -Garp, about Roger. "Despite his flaws and his bad reputation, his crew still trusted him completely." -also Garp, about Roger. These both sound a lot like Luffy AND Ace.

When Dogra got home and told everyone about Sabo's ship being shit down and him dying (which we all know didnt happen, thank fuck), (by the way the absolutely lost looks on Ace's and Luffy's faces with the sudden silence hurt like a bitch), Luffy started crying and said "WE SHOULDNT'A LET HIM GO, IT'S ALL OUR FAULT". Which fucking says something about him (thinking of episodes 913-915 when he goes fucking berserk, but before that he learns that Kaido probably killed Tama and he says "I should've escorted them..!" (*ugly cries*)). Ace also reacted pretty similarly-- "Sabo...why didn't we go back into town and bring him back here?! We're so stupid!" And he gets mad and asks where he could find the bastard that killed him (obviously not getting a good answer since it was a fucking celestial dragon ugh). That is what Luffy does, in present time. He results to anger first, not sadness. Not sure when he learned to do that but I'm 99 percent sure it was from Ace. Also the blaming himself thing? High chance thats ALSO from Ace. Who else would teach him that self hating behaviour?!

Dadan pins Ace down to stop him from going after the Celestial Dragon to calm him down, telling him he cant do anything, he's not big or strong enough to do anything and he'll be killed as soon as he tries anything, especially since it was the whole country -the whole WORLD- that killed Sabo. He can't do anything. And then they tied him to a tree outside to let him cool off. Oh yeah then he also told luffy to stop crying like a little girl or else he'll- (and he didn't finish the sentence). ...Ok maybe thats why luffy started being more angry than sad.

This is where things get a little more :( . Ace reads the letter Sabo sent them before he died. As he reads, he walks to the end of the forest, to a cliff overlooking the ocean. And starts fucking bawling (btw the voice actor who had Ace's childhood part did not do a very good job, no where near as in character and real as Coleen Clickenberg did with all of Luffy's crying scenes. She was spot on.) ...do you see where im going with that? He isolated himself before letting himself feel sad. It was all rage and then calm beforehand. Y-you see where im going with that. Dont make me say it.

"How's Luffy doing, is he any better?" "Well...he hasnt been eating much, but he still eats twice as much as we do". Oh look, That's what happened after Ace died too. There's a behavioral pattern that hasnt gone away. Not sure why it wouldve tho.

Luffy is mopeing, lying on the ground in a similar setting ace was at when he cried. Hes thinking about some of the things Sabo said, like how theyre gonna sail the seas together, and he clenches his hands into tight, shaking fists. After Ace shows up and hits him, and talking abt some other stuff I don't feel like relaying, Luffy tightens his grip on the straw hat and tells ace, whimpering, he wants to get stronger (and stronger, and stronger, and stronger and stronger and....) And he wants to be the strongest in the world. "And then, I'll protect everyone. I won't lose anyone I care about". He gets stronger mainly to protect the people he loves. And then he asks ace to promise he won't die. To which he hits Luffy again and tells him he should be more worried about himself dying first. And then the famous line that hurts like a bitch- "I'm NEVER going to DIE!" And then this hopeful music comes on (fucking damnit funimation, u gotta do this? Really??) Also he says he wont die as long as he has a wussy little brother to protect. ...FUCK. Ok, the fist clenching is a thing he does all the fucking time, usually when he gets mad. This was different because he wasnt mad, he was sad. He clenched his fist because thinking about it hurt. Which, huh, sounds a lot like his whole episode after waking up from his 2 week coma on the polar tang. To try and stop the mental pain of those horrendous memories, he resulted to physically pain. He hurt himself. So, He clenches his fists in times like these to fight off the mental pain and the urge to cause himself physical pain. Guys, our boy is bad at emotions, help him. ....ok this paragraph is longer than I anticipated so ill dumb down the rest of it ig. Next part, him asking ace to promise he wont die. The music, the body language, the over change in mood- this comforts him. He stopped hiding his face and silently sobbing after ace said this. OH YEAH! didn't he tell jinbe not to die when they parted ways in Totto Land? And then, hes missing still in Wano and we see Luffy is worried....but convinced Jinbe will show up. Again, this comforts him. Hes nervous cuz someone KOFF KOFF ACE broke that promise once. But jinbe is his crew mate so he trusts him, thank god.

"-But whoever did it, they must be opposed to freedom." The whole freedom thing? That runs through Luffy's blood and spirit.His brothers fought for it, his dad is the man who strives to give everyone freedom basically, and Luffy himself has seen enough of the OPPOSITE of freedom to be so, so much more than just against it. Hence why he of course was so eager to free the slaves in Sabaody, the kids in punk hazard, the toys in dressrosa, the country of Wano from Kaido's tyrany. The apple doesnt fall far from the tree huh.

I dont think Luffy would remember his promise with Shanks if it werent for his brothers putting feul to his dream. It was a stupid bet at first; he just wanted to beat Shanks, right then. But after meeting Sabo and Ace, he found the opposite of freedom and human rights. And then he wanted, REALLY wanted, to become the free-est man in the world; the pirate king.

Last one i promise ok? This one is less connected to whats going on in the episode at this point, but something I noticed (its so obvious everyone has seen this ok) was when luffy cries, his posture is always open. He doesn't curl in on himself like many people would do (I know I would, lol). He doesnt hug himself, protect himself. He's just, opened up to whoever is watching, literally. This has a little more to do with something I haven't talked about much in this post yet; his self-destruction issues. I said he tried to hurt himself when he felt mental pain, which is definitely similar. But he cries and doesnt try to protect or comfort himself, like he doesn't have that programmed into his mind. Reminder that he only wants to live because of his dream, and if he doesnt have his dream, he wants to die. (Whoa.). Ok, so no self preservation mechanism at all rlly. Hes basically ride or die. So, when things hurt so much that he cries, he has no hope left. He just kinda...dies inside. So this was mildly different after sabo died. Yes we saw him just standing there, sobbing. But the next day he's still crying, and instead he's laying on the ground. I saw that and the voice in the back of my head told me he wanted to be a part of that lifeless dirt beneath him. Then, Ace walked over. And his words made him feel the hope that I told you about earlier, and he sat up into a sitting position. And HUGGED HIS LEGS TO HIS CHEST. There's some self preservation! Some hope! Some will to exist, to live! Something we saw none of as he sat in front of his brothers corpse, shutting down. He sat there, open to his enemies, incapable of protecting himself. Practically anyone couldve killed him right then and there. I think he mightve liked that, at that moment. Like thank god he has that stupidly good luck cuz if he didn't I swear someone couldve thrown and axe or FUCKING ANYTHING AT THAT MOMENT and hed be dead becuase he never physically or mentally prepared himself. On purpose.

Our poor boy needs some fucking attention and therapists. (Insert my rant post about how jinbe is on the crew primarily for anger management and therapy, not just being a helmsman.) Ugh, smh ugly cries

Aaaaand thats about the end of the episode. Theres so many little tics and peesonality traits that you notive thru this episode, and I only noticed them cuz im rewatching this part of the show for like the third time. I don't react as much as the first time of course but some things are definitely sadder after knowing what's going on and what will happen later on.

Moral of the story (post)? I think luffy is almost equally as alike -if not, more similar to roger as ace is. Also, high key genuinely think Luffy met like NO ONE but Garp before he met Shanks and his crew. What the fuck was his first like 5 years of being alive like? (He wantd to be a pirate cuz Garp didnt want that. Rebellious baby asshole. And then shanks made things worse, in a good way for luffy. And then ace and sabo made that worse thing worse for a good reason. Luffy lives...for those influences. And that is fucking it. Why.

Oh thanks tumblr for moving my picture to the bottom of the post u fucking idiot

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bearsace · 7 years

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Hello! I saw that you were taking requests for IkeSen headcannons/fics, so I hope this isn't too much to ask, but what do think about female!Mitsuhide or any of the guys? What do you think they'd be like if they were girls instead?

ikesen requests are open!

oh my goodness so i only did the oda forces sinc those are the ones i know well enough to write with confidence sdlkfjdlkfj but this was so fun thank you! i pictured a female mc for this, but it could definitely be easily changeable ;;

nobunaga

she’s super gorgeous, has the same seductive qualities as male nobunaga ;; curvy, tall, and statuesque with these eyes that just smolder at you

when you first meet her you’re a little confused because …… this is the great warlord (warlady?) nobunaga?? the one from the history books?

you imagined a woman who didn’t look like. as hot as her honestly

and when she presses you against the wall in the famous Using Your Lips as a Cup scene

well that’s when you’re done for. you can feel every curve of her body and her voice is low and sultry, and her eyes light up in a grin when you swallow the sake

when she comes home from a fight one day you’re really shaken;; she just wrings the blood out of her long hair and her eyes are cold

but getting to know her is something amazing (i mean it is no matter what gender nobunaga is :’)). games of go are filled with tension as her eyes slip into focus and her slender fingers rub the pieces between them, and she bites her lip while she thinks of her next move

she knows exactly where to touch as well oop

when she kisses you she brings your hand to her breast, just above her heart and holds it there, and you can feel her relax in your arms and lean in to the kiss

she likes to sit with her back against the headboard and pulls you in close between her legs with your back to her chest, stroking your hair almost in the way someone would stroke a pet and nipping at the junction of your neck and shoulder. the tops of her kimono are falling off her shoulders so you can turn around and kiss the skin there, making her shiver, and the ends of her kimono pool up around her legs so you can rub at her thighs

she’s so hot gdi

mitsuhide

like nobunaga, she’s got the same slinkiness about her, but stands taller

when she looks at you from her vantage point, she tilts her head and regards you through half-lidded eyes with this infuriating smirk that’s probably painted in blood-red lipstick

and this woman clearly thinks she’s better than you but she’s so attractive dammit you want to deck her

her hair is either super long and flowing, or it’s pin-straight and cut blunt, longer in the front than it is in the back you pick

you know that tumblr post about being hot enough to make people question their sexuality?

yeah that’s mitsuhide

and she knows it too

which means she literally never stops teasing you and watching how flustered you get

probably the kind of person who flaunts her assets to get what she wants out of prisoners and shit

she bleeds sensuality honestly, and it has you so shook because gorgeous snow-haired woman? paying attention to my me? it’s more likely than you think.

she has these really long, sharp nails and she likes to run them across your thighs, tapping her fingers along the way

and when she undresses you she does it verrrryyy slowly and deliberately—

she begins at your throat and traces her way down to your bellybutton, down between your cleavage, opening your kimono just a little;

then back up to your mouth where she caresses your lips with a smirk, then comes back down

and she continues until you’re moaning for her just to take me already dammit, we haven’t even gotten started and u just undressing me has me so sh00k

masamune

WONDER WOMAN

okay not actually wonder woman but build-wise, she’s lean and muscular and proud of it

she ties her brown hair back into a braid that’s long enough for her to tuck into her belt, and you can see mischief playing in that bright eye

you see her playing with her sword one day, and when she catches you watching, she grins at you and bites her lip

well that’s it you’re done for

she’s actually a little short compared to the others, which makes her fighting style even more ferocious and calculated as she’s got the speed and slipperiness that they don’t

the first time she kisses you you’re so shook

like maybe you haven’t even kissed a girl before (or if you have, definitely not one as attractive as masamune)

and she flirts with you even more than she already did after that because gotdamn you’re So Attracted to her

the first time you go horseback riding with her you’re so shaken; she pulls you close and you can feel the hard muscle of her body against your back as her throaty laughter rings out in your ears

not many women are allowed to have such a high military position, she explains, and she had to prove herself time and time again and you can tell by the way she so clearly enjoys her time with the troops and riding her horse that she was born for it

she was born to ride other things too

she’s a biter, and she leaves her mark up and down your body

definitely keeps her habit of calling you “kitten” and one day calls you a “good girl” in bed. automatic nut

anyways after a night of Fun you come into the common room without realizing how many bite marks you have up and down your body

hideyoshi bursts out laughing

masamune just smirks. you berate her for not telling you. she simply catches your finger between her teeth while you’re wagging it at her and winks at you, and you’ve gotta excuse the two of you for maybe an hour or the entire day

ieyasu

fighting smol

seriously like she’s even shorter than masamune

but she’s slender and literally looks like a doll she’s so pretty and porcelain, like you’d never expect her to be anyone scary

probably like 5′0″ and 100lbs, hair cut to shoulder-length (think the wavy windswept bob hairstyle in-game)

has a glare like ice honestly, and tbh her voice is probably pretty high pitched compared to the others ;;; probably the one to give off the ~cute~ image but lowkey wants to murder you in your sleep

when she’s practicing archery, she suddenly becomes someone imposing

and when she gives you that pair of earrings she scowls, but blushes anyway and she has really good taste in jewelry

so you buy her this beautiful necklace and she honestly turns beet red

“well…… i guess i have to take it since you spent money on it…… but i wish you didn’t buy me things as useless as jewelry”

you see her wearing it like everyday after that tho

but you take heed and instead commission mitsunari to design a practical bracelet that helps with archery (idk maybe it holds arrows or smthn so she doesn’t have to reach elsewhere to pick one out to nock?) and ieyasu is so shook she can even overlook the fact that mitsunari designed it

when she kisses you, she has to stand on her tiptoes and sling one arm around your neck to pull you down. in any other situation it would be cute because “omg she’s so short” but in this situation like… “wow ieyasu that’s really hot” with the confidence with which she brings you to her level

she’s really outright with what she wants in bed. “no i don’t like that” or “yes, that feels perfect” are common phrases you’ll hear

she pays special attention to bringing you to climax. her brow furrows as she focuses on touching you in all your sweet spots

mitsunari

Extremely Gorgeous Goddess Lady

long hair that falls in the most perfect waves, voluminous, straight out of a pantene commercial. lips that are a natural scarlet color like she’s just been sucking on a cherry popsicle. tall-ish, about your height, but not quite as tall as nobunaga and mitsuhide

you’re drawn in by her almost immediately because her eyes are clever and kind

that one girl who all the boys follow around, but she doesn’t know that;;; she thinks that they all want war advice

you become fast friends as she teaches you to play go before u realize,, Oh Shit, I’ve Fallen for Her!

she has a laugh like bells honestly. so good. so pure

you have tea with her all the time but she’s SO BAD at making tea and apologizes profusely when you nearly throw up since it tastes like gasoline?? um??

it’s fine, because you make her these delicious dumplings and sew her a pretty new kimono which quickly becomes her favorite. she wears it to all the important war councils which makes her even more of a stunner among men tbh

on that note……. during war councils she goes from soft angel to confident war woman…… her eyes take on this sure and calculating gleam and it’s so hot you can hardly keep your hands off her when the council is over

she loves to hold you in bed and stroke your hair— you both always find yourselves laughing together, and her skin feels so soft against yours

she’s really careful, always asking you what feels good, though she’s not afraid to experiment. her hair is soft and silky and you love to run your fingers through it while she kisses your neck

she alternates between big spoon and little spoon tbh. when she’s big spoon, her breath washes over the back of your neck while she sleeps and even the sound of it is so calming um wtf?

when she’s little spoon she rests her head on your shoulder and gently kisses along your jawline till you fall asleep

even when you become romantic partners, she stays your best friend and you can talk deep into the night

hideyoshi

MOM FRIEND ALERT!

she’s about the same height as you and mitsunari, so it’s pretty funny to watch her order around the likes of mitsuhide, one of the two Tols in the group

especially when she scolds him oop

her loyalty to nobunaga is something to be admired, because it’s passionate and devoted and she’s completely unashamed of it

she garners the attention of both men and women (and you)

like she makes people question their sexuality not for the same reasons as mitsuhide’s attractiveness, but rather because she’s confident and independent and women are often confused whether they wanna bang her or be her

it’s a little bit of both, at least for you

she doesn’t trust you initially and makes that clear, but you’re persistent

and as you get to know her you fall hard b/c if she were a modern woman, she’d be the Strong Independent One you hear about all the time who runs a business

she takes good care of you

you fall ill one day and she nurses you back to health,

“honestly, mc, i told you not to go out in the rain like that”

and she sighs, looking genuinely distressed, and you’re shook to the max

she stops by a lot to make sure you’re doing okay, and usually swings by and keeps you company, putting off this sure, steadfast aura that comforts you and makes you feel safe around her

she knows what she wants in bed and guides your hips to where she wants them to go

but she’s also gentle and patient and makes sure you climax as well

in the morning, you’ll wake up and see her smiling at you and all is well in the world :’)

#ikesen #ikemen sengoku #ikesen headcanon #misc #i hope these were okay skldjflkdfj

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