#once again ill write stupid text posts instead of actually working on any of my fucking art

[valtsv]

im one of the angels assigned to guard god's throne and i keep shaving a piece of wood off one of the legs so it gets progressively thinner and weaker until one day it will snap like a matchstick and the big man will topple from his seat of power to grace the ground with his holy ass. of course he's omniscient so he already knows this and will have to banish me from heaven when it happens, but because of free will he has to give me the option to repent right until the very end. we both know i'm not going to do it but the rules that define our very being won't let us take any other course of action and besides he made me this way, so really the joke's on him no matter what.

[lycorogue]

ML Secret Santa Story: The Great Debate

Holy smokes, it’s 2am! Uh, I wanted to have this done by Christmas Eve, but I guess an official Merry Christmas to my @mlsecretsanta giftee @mouserzwuzhere is now in order. So... Merry Christmas!

Sorry for the delay, it actually kept me most of this month to lock down what I wanted to write. In the end, I ended up going with something inspired by a Tumblr post. Of course, I can’t find the post now to link it, but it talked about the logistical fallacy of most Christmas movies where Santa is canonically real, but adults still don’t believe in him.

I went with mouserz preferences of fluff, friendship/family bonding, and LadyNoir. I hope this ends up being a pleasant surprise for you under your digital Christmas tree this morning. :D

UPDATE (12/25/19): You can now find the story on AO3, on FFN, and on DA as well as below.

The Great Debate

Summary: When Ladybug agreed to meet up later with Chat Noir, she never imagined they would end up discussing the validity of Santa being real. It’s funny the things you do for your loved ones.

Rating: General Audiences

Words: 4032

Status: Completed one-shot

Disclaimer: I’m ignoring the two-part season 3 finale with regards to Master Fu; pretend this takes place before that....

Ladybug breathed in the chilled, crisp night air. Her breath escaped in a thin fog. Her supersuit kept her warm, but her cheeks still flushed with the bite of wind as she swung through the city. Thankfully, the snow recently ceased, and the air was calm. Once she was at her destination she would be warmer.

Looking down the long roofs of the office buildings, she spotted a figure already perched six buildings down the street. He was there. He was waiting for her. She shifted the weight of the package nestled in the crook of her left arm, and sprinted towards her meet-up.

Chat Noir lazily kicked his legs as he leaned back on the tower roof's ledge, staring up at the sky; looking for stars he couldn't see. He hummed “Silent Night” to himself, and was on the third verse when Ladybug landed behind him.

“You're late, Bugaboo.”

“Don't-” It was on reflex, but there was no akuma around now. She simply sighed, and shook her head. “Sorry. I wanted to get something for you first.” She held out her package: a box of Tom & Sabine Bakery macarons. It was risky to bring them to Chat Noir, but it was also a bit of an impromptu meet-up.

Earlier that day, for the second Christmas Eve in a row, Hawk Moth decided to not take a vacation, and akumatized a poor distraught person. As they were fighting, Chat Noir seemed more distracted than usual, exchanging his usual ill-timed flirting for requests that they hang out again later. The more the battle wore on, the more Ladybug picked up that perhaps this get-together was something Chat Noir truly needed.

Then they defeated the villain. Ladybug purified the akuma, and used her ultimate power to restore Paris. The duo fist-bumped in front of the rush of reporters capturing the latest attack on their beloved city. Ladybug's earrings chimed that she only had two minutes remaining, and soon after Chat Noir's ring beeped for the second time. She couldn't say anything to him in front of the reporters; couldn't let Hawk Moth potentially know where they would be. Instead, she gave him a silent plead to forgive her abruptness, and swung away. Once out of sight, she used the last few precious seconds of her transformation to text Chat Noir where to meet up. She prayed that he would get the message before de-transforming.

It seemed he did.

She didn't have much time to plan a Christmas gift for Chat Noir. She didn't imagine an opportunity to gift him anything. It would be far too inappropriate while they were actively attempting to protect Paris, and she didn't want Chat Noir to get the wrong idea if she asked him for a meet-up for a gift exchange. She didn't have the time to make anything, and she barely had the time to purchase anything; most stores were already closed for the holiday. She lucked out that her parents had anything left in their bakery.

“Huh. Great minds, it seems, M'lady.” Chat Noir smirked as he grabbed a matching pastry box he had hidden beside his right hip. His contained a pair of over-stuffed cream puffs. He brushed the snow off the ledge beside him and patted the now-bare roof.

Ladybug studied Chat Noir. She sprinted through the list of patrons she saw in her parents' bakery that day, trying to remember any young men with blonde hair. None came to mind. Perhaps he had bought the cream puffs while she was in her room. Maybe that was why he was so persistent with wanting a meet-up.

“Great minds indeed.” Ladybug hummed inquisitively, but still accepted the cleared-off seat. Holding out her box to Chat Noir, she traded peppermint macarons for her puff.

“Mmm.” Chat Noir popped the macaron in his mouth in one bite. “I guess it makes sense that we'd both pick pastries from the Tom & Sabine. It is the best bakery in all of Paris, after all.”

Ladybug lightly blushed, and hoped her cheeks were already red enough from the cold for Chat Noir to not notice. “I'm sure they'd appreciate hearing that, especially from a superhero.”

“You should tell them too, then.”

She had never thought of that. “Perhaps I'll take the time to do so.” She bit into her cream puff, and quickly licked up the filling oozing out of the opposite side.

Chat Noir popped another macaron in his mouth. “Thank you for meeting up with me tonight.”

Ladybug stilled, looking deeply at Chat Noir. “You sounded like you needed it. Is everything alright?”

“It is now.” He gave her a sad little smile, and then scraped some cream out of the center of his puff.

“It's Christmas Eve, Kitty. Wouldn't you rather spend it with loved ones?”

“I thought I was.”

“Come on, be serious, Chat Noir.”

He put down his treats, and instead scooped up Ladybug's right hand, keeping her gaze. “I am serious. Please tell me that you know by now that I'm always serious with every love confession.”

“Chat Noir-”

He dropped her hand and scooted further away from her. “I know, I know. You're in love with someone else. I understand that, but it doesn't lessen my feelings for you, and how dear you are to me.”

“Kitty.”

Clearing his throat, he tossed another macaron in the air, and caught it in his mouth. “Sorry I'm keeping you from your loved ones, though.”

Ladybug rested a hand on his shoulder. “You're not. You're dear to me too, remember?”

They finished their treats with small, simple, stupid conversation. They talked about nothing in particular, for fear of giving something away that would reveal themselves, and yet they said a lot with the way they each talked about being a superhero, or how they felt about the past year, or even about the weather.

“How could you not love the snow?” Ladybug gathered the empty pastry boxes, and tucked them beside her.

“It's lonely.”

She quirked an eyebrow at him.

“Most people stay inside; isolated in their homes. Paris isn't as bustling as normal. It's quiet.”

“See, that's one of the things I like about the snow.” Ladybug scooped some off the roof, and started packing it into a ball. “It absorbs sound, you know. That's why Paris seems so quiet and serene when it snows. The lights then reflect off the crisp white, and the city just seems clean and new. It seems safe.”

“It is safe, with you as its savior.”

“Yeah, well you're not too bad yourself there, Kitty.” They shared a smile. “Besides, snow isn't lonely. It's inviting. Families huddle together to drink cocoa as they watch the snow. Friends play together making snow angels or snowmen, or race on sleds, or build forts together, or have snowball fights.”

Chat Noir's face fell, so Ladybug threw her freshly formed snowball at his shoulder.

��Hey!” He quickly packed his own snowball, but Ladybug was faster and hit him with another one. “Okay! Okay, I submit!” He dropped his snowball, and held his hands over his head.

“Haven't you ever just played in the snow? How could you not feel the magic of it while you dance under a soft snow fall, or catch flakes on your tongue, or simply lay in the cold silence, just feeling at peace with the world?”

“I'll have to keep all of those in mind the next time it snows.”

“Good.”

Another soft, shared look as they each offered the other a gentle smile.

Church bells softly rang in the distance; breaking the spell as Chat Noir turned to the sound.

“It's getting late. Should we head home? Don't want to chance Santa passing us up since we aren't asleep.”

“Wait, Santa?”

“Yeah. You think he's in the area already? I mean, I really couldn't ask for a better gift than to spend time with you, M'lady, but I wouldn't want to push my luck with the Big Guy in Red.”

“Chat Noir, do you still believe in Santa Claus?” She quirked an eyebrow at him, and playfully smirked.

“I mean, are you telling me you don't?” His face scrunched up as he stared incredulously at her. “We literally saw him! Twice!”

“First of all, those were both during akuma attacks, so who truly knows what is and isn't real during those? Secondly, Santa Claws seemed to just be a friendly old man who dressed up as Santa; not Jolly Old Saint Nick himself, and his 'Santa' powers were because of the akumatization. So he doesn't count. Finally, I'd hate to break it to you, but the Santa we met when Paris was overwhelmed by giant attacking toys wasn't real. It was Chris Master's powers manifesting his interpretation of Santa: the Santa in his snow globe.” Ladybug rested a comforting hand on Chat Noir's arm.

“How do you know that wasn't the real Santa? He said he'd see us next Christmas Eve; tonight!”

“He said that because it was what Chris wanted Santa to say.”

“How do you know that, though?”

Ladybug's breath hitched, and she simply shrugged. “What? You can have Cat Intuition about how the Agreste mansion security works or the fact that Volpina had an illusion instead of the actual Adrien Agreste, but I can't have Ladybug Intuition about whether or not that was the real Santa?”

Chat Noir studied her for a tell, but eventually caved. “Okay, you got me on that second meet-up with Santa; that probably wasn't the real one. Although, you were the top of his Nice list, so maybe you should hope that your Ladybug Intuition was off, and that was really him.” He winked. She groaned. “Either way, he looked a lot like the man who got akumatized into Santa Claws, which means it could be possible that the man last Christmas was in fact the true Santa, but was posing as a regular citizen.”

“Why? Especially on Christmas Eve itself? Wouldn't he be too busy delivering gifts?” Ladybug tried to keep the smug look off her face, but Chat Noir's lips kept puckering more and more with each question. She could tell that he was trying to build up a rebuttal.

Chat Noir opened his mouth to respond, pointing at her in stunned silence. A second later he relented, shrugging in defeat instead. “Alright, so maybe we haven't met the actual Santa, but that doesn't mean he's not real.”

“He might have been, once. There could have been someone who spent Christmas Eve delivering gifts to the children of a very large area – so that it felt like it was the whole world to those people – and the legend of Santa came from that, but I don't know if I trust that he's still real.”

“Well, why not? I knew you could be pragmatic, but even this seems a bit much for you.”

“He'd be well over a millennium old, for starters.”

“Yeah, but what about Master Fu?”

“There's a bit of a difference between two-hundred and two-thousand years, Chat Noir.”

“Still, Master is as old as he is largely because of the magic of the Miraculouses, isn't he?”

“Possibly.”

“So why is it such a stretch that Santa has magic of his own, and part of it is the long life, or even immortality? The Miraculouses can't be the only form of magic within the whole world, can they?”

She gave it thought. “Alright, valid point. What about the gifts, though?”

Chat Noir lounged across the roof and dismissively waved his hand. “I already told you: magic. He probably has a bag with access to a pocket dimension or some-”

“No.”

Chat Noir rocked his head to the side. Ladybug pivoted to face him, folding her legs in front of her as she anchored her hands to her ankles.

“No,” she repeated, “I'm not even talking about the plausibility of him carrying all the gifts with him or getting in and out of people's homes. If I'm going to agree with him nearing two-thousand years old because of magic, I'll concede on those other magical parts.”

“Okay, so what's wrong with the presents then?”

Ladybug scooted closer to Chat Noir and leaned a little towards him, energy buzzing off of her. “If Santa Claus truly delivers presents every Christmas Eve, then why is it that most adults don't believe in him? Wouldn't him delivering gifts to their children convince the parents that he's real? Since a large portion – probably even a majority – of adults are also parents, wouldn't someone somewhere have factual evidence of his existence by now? Or, at least, wouldn't it be a much more widespread belief, even among adults, that he's alive?”

Chat Noir sat up, hugging one leg to his chest. His eyebrows furrowed, and he wouldn't look at Ladybug.

“I mean, think about it,” Ladybug continued, rolling onto her knees as she began to gesture wildly. “You and your wife wake up Christmas morning, and gather around the tree with your kid- You're picturing me as your wife, and imagining what our kid would look like, aren't you?”

Chat Noir sheepishly smiled and shrugged.

“Never mind that. Not the point.” Ladybug waved the thought away. “So your kid is opening up gifts, finds one that is labeled 'from Santa,' and unwraps it. You don't recognize this gift. You haven't purchased it for your kid. You may just think your wife must have gotten it and not told you, so you let it go. But this keeps happening every year, so you finally ask your wife, and she tells you she always thought you were the one who bought those gifts, because she certainly didn't. Isn't that suspicious? A random present from neither of you managed to make its way under your tree? Every year? Wouldn't you want to figure out who put it there? And you hear your friends – who are also parents – saying the same thing happened for each of their kids. Wouldn't that alone be enough evidence for most parents to believe that Santa must be real, because what other explanation is there for the mystery gifts?”

Chat Noir tapped his chin with two fingers, scanning the clouds for answers. “Yeah, I guess that's true.”

“On the flip-side, if Santa doesn't actually leave any presents - so that parents don't question where they came from - then why does it matter if he's real, because he still isn't going to be coming to everyone's houses unless it's to eat the cookies.”

“I got it!” Chat Noir snapped and turned back towards Ladybug, he was also up on his knees, waving excitedly. “Magic again.”

“How so?”

“Santa's magic is memory focused. He doesn't actually use chimneys – which really helps explain all those homes without fire places – instead, he arrives just before the parents lock up for the night, and he uses his magic to make them believe they already did. He then enters, leaves the present, and locks the door behind him as he goes on his merry way. His magic then makes the parents believe they had munched on the cookies to give the illusion of Santa, and that they were the ones who purchased the gift for little Julien. The question of 'who got him that present' never comes up, and Santa still remains a glorious holiday mystery.”

“What if the parents, still disbelieving of Santa, already bought little Mary a gift from 'Santa' and already ate the cookies before going to bed?”

“Then Santa saves on unneeded calories, and he switches up the 'Santa' for 'Mom and Dad'. Then his power works exactly the same way; except this time it also makes them think they didn't label the one gift as from 'Santa' at first.”

“It's still too many homes to leave presents for in one night.” Ladybug sat on her heels and crossed her arms.

“I thought you were going to concede on all of the 'other magic stuff'?”

Ladybug shrugged.

“Okay.” Chat Noir thought for a moment. “What if his powers also allows him to teleport? Or to slow time? Or to pause time? We have Miraculouses that could do some pretty crazy things, after all.” Chat Noir's ears perked and his belt-tail twitched as if it were real. “Wait a minute! What if Santa has a Miracle Box? That feast amuk was encased in stone before leaving Tibet, and we stopped it while it was still in Paris, so what if it didn't have a chance to make it to Santa to eat his Miraculous?”

“Master would have told me if Santa was one of the guardians.”

“What if he didn't know? What if there were Guardians secretly placed throughout the world, and for their safety, the monastery Master Fu trained at didn't have their names?”

“And he only uses the Miraculous once a year to provide extra Christmas gifts?”

Chat Noir started counting out his points on his fingers. “He's not using the Miraculous for his personal  gain, so it's not breaking any rules. He's providing joy and wonderment to the world. He's making sure every kid gets at least one gift they'll love, regardless of the parents' financial or emotional standing. We don't know what he does with the rest of the year, so maybe he's protecting the world just like us, but with his memory-altering Miraculous powers, the world just never figures it out.”

Ladybug simply stared at Chat Noir. He held his ground and kept her gaze.

“Alright.” Ladybug pivoted on the roof ledge, and dangled her legs below her. “I relent that there's a possibility that Santa is real.”

“And a Miraculous Guardian?”

“It's a stretch, but I guess I can't argue against it. Not right now, anyway.”

“So does that mean you'll wait up for him?”

“No, that means there's no point. If he is real, and he does have a way of altering memories, then I doubt he'd let either of us remember seeing him. He's been doing this for over seventeen-hundred years, after all.” She gave Chat Noir a side smile.

“I guess that's true.” Chat Noir deflated a little and sat beside her.

“Besides, I thought you wanted to go to bed so you didn't chance missing out on your gift from him,” she teased.

Chat Noir curled into himself and blushed, again unable to look at Ladybug. She instantly knew she went too far. She couldn't say goodbye to him like that.

Ladybug detached her yo-yo, and looked intently at it. Chat Noir followed her out of the corner of his eye.

“Ladybug?”

She gave him the tiniest hint of a devilish grin while pressing a finger to her lips and shushing him. “Don't tell on me, okay?”

“Tell?”

Ladybug threw her yo-yo straight up, calling out “Lucky Charm!”

“What are you doing?” Chat Noir again hopped up onto his knees as he studied her. “What about no personal gain?”

The charm landed in Ladybug's hand, and she closed her fist around it before Chat Noir could make out the small red object with black spots.

“I think this one can be allowed.” Ladybug re-attached her yo-yo to her hip, and stood on the main portion of the roof. With Chat Noir still seated on the ledge, they were about eye-level.

He tried to spy her charm, but she kept her hand hidden behind her back. “So, what convoluted plan do you have for that?” He stood to try to look over her shoulder, but she blocked him with a stiff arm.

“Nothing too bad. Now sit back down.” She pushed gently on his chest, and he plopped his butt back onto the roof ledge. “Perfect.”

She then placed her hand in between them and unfolded her fingers. Resting on her palm was a tiny sprig of mistletoe, although, with the red coloring and black spots, it looked more like holly. With her spare hand, Ladybug held the Lucky Charm mistletoe sprig over their heads, then leaned in to kiss Chat Noir. Giddily, he rose to meet her, his hands reaching out for her waist as he puckered up and eyes fluttered closed.

She giggled, and used a finger to turn his head so she could kiss him on the cheek instead.

Chat Noir pouted and sunk back onto the roof. “You're supposed to kiss on the lips under a mistletoe.”

“Sorry, Kitty, but I do still love someone else.” She flicked his bell, and placed the sprig of mistletoe beside them. “I will give you one more gift though.” She cupped a hand on either side of his face, and pulled it towards her. Angling his head down a bit, she placed a gentle kiss on his forehead, and then rested hers against it. “Merry Christmas, Kitty.”

Chat Noir wrapped his arms around Ladybug and squeezed her close to him; breathing her in. “Thank you, Ladybug. Merry Christmas to you, too.”

She let him hold her for a moment, and she held him back, wrapping her arms around his neck. With their eyes closed, and the normally bustling city quiet with snow, it didn't feel like there was anyone else in all of Paris but the two of them. It only lasted a moment, but it was calming for them both.

He's right here, Ladybug thought, he's not Chat Blanc, and I'll stop him from ever feeling that desperate and alone.

She's here, Chat Noir thought, she loves someone else, but for right now she's here and I can pretend for a few seconds that I'm the one she's in love with.

The thought didn't make Chat Noir purr, as it usually did; instead, a small whimper escaped his throat.

“Chat Noir?” Ladybug leaned away from him, breaking the illusion.

“Sorry. I had a moment, but I'm fine. Thank you again for spending time with me tonight.”

“No problem, Kitty. As long as you don't want us to make a habit out of this.” She ruffled up his hair until he broke his hug in a giggling retreat. “You are a friend of mine, Chat Noir,” Ladybug continued in a serious tone. “I want to be here for you whenever you need me, and I do enjoy spending time with you, as long as you're not flirting.” She cocked an eyebrow and folded her arms across her chest.

Chat Noir meekly smiled back as he rubbed the back of his neck. “Is my flirting really that bad?”

She simply raised the second eyebrow and pursed her lips.

“In love with another guy,” Chat Noir sighed, “Right.”

She took his hand and gave it a light squeeze. “You'll find someone. I promise. She'll see the amazing Chat Noir that I do, but she'll get to know your actual name, and her heart will be only for you.”

Before Chat Noir could respond – and Ladybug knew he wanted to – she let go, and lassoed a nearby light post. “Merry Christmas again, Chat Noir.”

He gave her a genuine smile in return. “Merry Christmas, M'lady.” He said nothing else, and Ladybug was grateful. Her earrings started rapidly beeping. It had only been about three minutes, but Tikki always seemed to wear out faster if Ladybug used her Lucky Charm for personal reasons. She probably didn't have much time left.

“Let me know if you do catch Santa,” Ladybug teased. She then scooped up the empty pastry boxes,  and loosened the tension on her yo-yo, sling-shotting her through the Paris skyline.

Chat Noir looked at the discarded Lucky Charm sprig of mistletoe, and brought it up to his lips. The trinket cut their evening together short, but it was worth it for those kisses, and that hug. A couple of seconds later, the sprig burst into pink glitter that vanished in the air; like a miniature firework. Ladybug must have de-transformed, and the Lucky Charm vanished with her other superpowers.

Chat Noir no longer had his keepsake from the night, but he had his memories. Those were enough, and he trusted he'd make many more with Ladybug over the years.

Now he had to figure out how to capture Santa so he could prove to his lady that he was right.

[pandawritespoorly]

With Time: Chapter 13 - Confidence in Progress

Author’s Note: Here we are, posting more With Time! I love the response to the akuma in the last chapter, it was a ...unique thing to write. Anyways, without further ado, here's chapter 13!

Chapter Summary: Marinette talks with Fu quickly. The Quantics and Co. bake cookies.

First | Previous | Saturday

Marinette knocks on the door, waiting for the Guardian to open the door. 

She doesn’t have to wait long, she’s allowed in quickly, “Ah, Marinette, we’ve been expecting you.” Master Fu speaks calmly.

“You have?” Did she mess up that bad?

“When Wayzz and I saw that The Revealer lasted so long, we were certain it would not be long before Tikki or Plagg fell ill. It would seem Tikki is the first.”

“Given Plagg’s nature to take longer breaks, that is no surprise.” The turtle Kwami shows up above Fu’s shoulder. They walk into the same room where Tikki first got healed. Marinette lifts her Kwami gingerly from her bag and gives her to Master Fu, who nods and begins.

After the ceremony is finished, Tikki munches happily on a cookie in front of Marinette.

“Master?” She’s been debating this for so long, postponing and procrastinating as long as she can, but being here already, she has no more excuses. “Yes, Marinette?”

“I can’t call on Rena Rouge or Carapace anymore.” Given how she reacted to simply seeing Alya and Lila, there is no hope that she can work efficiently as a team with them anymore. She studies the floorboards, unable to meet his eyes. She failed to choose heroes well. He’s going to be so disappointed.

He sips from his tea calmly, “Why is that?”

“I- you told me to choose someone I can trust, and…”

“And you no longer you feel that your choices are worthy of that honor.” She would have phrased it a little differently, more along the lines of fearing the wrath of a betrayed friend, but maybe she can think of it that way instead. It feels better that way.

“...yes.”

“Very well. It is understandable to come along bumps in the road. You are a smart heroine, Marinette, I will trust your judgement.”

“But what if I choose wrong again? How many ‘bumps in the road’ will there be?” She doesn’t want to mess up again. Not after last time.

“Perhaps you should consider the actions of a hero. When I looked for people to become the holders of the Black Cat and Ladybug miraculouses, I considered their actions. You, as well as your partner, proved yourselves to already being capable of heroic acts, without the jewelry.”

“So I need to find people who… already act like heroes?” She finally meets his eyes, and finds nothing negative in them.

“Indeed. Being heroic does not require magic jewelry.” He pours more tea for himself, “You mentioned that Rena Rouge and Carapace would not be fighting anymore, but what of Queen Bee?”

That didn’t even occur to her. She’d not even considered Chloe, because the blonde had been less involved in the actions leading up to Marinette’s transfer. No, that isn’t entirely right. She’d been involved, but in a positive way. She’d been the one to bring her home on Thursday, calming her down in the bathroom.

She’d even apologized for her past actions. 

“I- I think there will be a new holder for the Bee miraculous as well.” “But…?”

“But I think that having the miraculous has helped Chloe change. For the better. I think that if I needed back-up and she was available, I would choose her. I trust her - more that Rena and Carapace.”

“So in the event that you require the assistance of the Bee, or if the new Bee holder is unavailable, you would allow Ms. Bourgeois to take up the title temporarily?” Master Fu looks to her for confirmation.

“Yes. I would.” She nods.

“I will inform Trixx and Pollen.” Wayzz floats up from his snack. Marinette feels bad, he and Nino seemed to get along well.

“I’m sorry, Wayzz.”

“It is quite alright, Marinette. I was aware from the start that the arrangement may not be permanent. I do regret that Nino made the choices he did. Perhaps this will be a learning experience for him. I can only hope.” 

Marinette smiles weakly at him and he flies to the Miracle Box. Her phone dings in her pocket.

“Perhaps you should be on your way. Unless there is anything else?”

“No, Master.” She starts toward the door, “Thank you.”

Once outside she glances around quickly before looking to her purse.

“How do you feel, Tikki?” The little Kwami looks a lot better, she’s sitting in the purse looking up at Marinette with bright eyes holding a cookie in her paws.

“Much better, thank you!”

“It wasn’t a problem, you were sick, I couldn’t leave you like that.” What if there had been another akuma? Tikki would have felt even worse after that, and that would be terrible.

“Why am I any different than you?” She knows the Kwami is thinking of her behaviour on Saturday, overworking herself to get her to the point that she got to. Marinette shakes her head. 

Why is it different? It just is. Tikki is the Kwami of Creation and Marinette is just some human girl. But she’s Ladybug, she’s a hero. Maybe it isn’t that diff-

Tikki makes surprised squeak and ducks back into her bag, Marinette glances up and sees Adrien coming this way. She’s still standing in front of Fu’s place and there’s no way she could leave without catching his eye.

He hasn’t noticed her yet, due to how intently he’s looking into his bag, seemingly talking to himself. Once he reaches the massage shop, he stops and looks to the door. He finally notices Marinette and pauses, staring at her in slight confusion,”Oh, uh, hey Marinette. What are you doing here?”

“I- uh, um, tea! My… maman! Yes, my maman wanted some tea and sent me here! For the tea!” she smiles convincingly, “Wh-what about you?”

“My uh, Chinese tutor, uh wanted me to come to him today, so… yeah.” 

She nods, that makes sense.

“Actually, Mari, how are you?” He cocks his head at her slightly, looking at her caringly.

“What?” Did she worry him somehow? How did she do that? Why did she do that?

“I, um, happened to be near your school during the akuma attack. I saw Alya and Lila… it looked like you had noticed them too? I just, uh, tried to distract them. They’re back at Fr- school now.”

Right. Alya. And Lila. Do they know? Do they know where she goes now? Are they going to find her? They’re going to find her at school tomorrow. They’re going to confront her, her friends will find out just how much she sucks, they’ll hate her too, because of course they would that’s what she des-

Adrien puts a hand on her shoulder, interrupting her spiraling, “Marinette.”

“R-right. Um, I’m good. I-I’m fine.” He looks at her doubtfully, but before he can say anything more, she continues,”Anyways, I should get this tea! Back to Maman! And you, probably need to uh, get tutored! For chinese! Ummm… yup! Bye!” She turns and hurries away, waving over her shoulder at him as she goes.

The rules. The rules. She can’t just disregard the rules.

 Rule #6: If asked, you’re doing good

 She’s good. Absolutely fine. Perfectly great. No need for anyone to worry about her. Her phone dings again. 

Right! She’d completely forgotten that someone had texted her. She’d ignored someone. They were probably worried about her now. Stupid.

 Rule #11:  Adrien, Claude, Allegra, Allan, and Felix have been nice enough to put up with you, don’t make them regret it.

 Or it’s her parents, who don’t have a choice in enduring her stupidity. Either way, she’d ignored someone for longer than necessary and now they’d either been forced to check with her again or they were finally letting her know that they’re done with her nonsense.

 Kid Mime: hey if u want to come over when ur dun u can!

Kid Mime: were mking cookies

 HE LOVES US: I fear they may burn down the building.

HE LOVES US: ...

Felix: Marinette, excuse me for a moment to exact revenge on Claude.

 The Mom Friend: dont worry

The Mom Friend: there fine

 Oh. They weren’t mad. They didn’t hate her. 

Yet.

Maybe she should go? They wouldn’t hate her for it if she’d been invited. They were making cookies, that would be fun. 

You’d get in the way. You’ll be that killjoy that gets too specific about the recipe.

“You should go!” Tikki has made her way onto the girl’s shoulder, “Cookies are fun!”

Tikki likes cookies. She would go for Tikki. That’s okay, right? It’s not selfish if you’re going for someone else?

 Patiserie Princess: im on my way

 ---

 As soon as she knocks on the door, it opens and she is whisked into Claude’s kitchen, where chaos is likely about to ensue. There are, presumably, all the ingredients necessary out along with a few measuring cups. There’s a bowl on the counter that might be meant for mixing all the ingredients, but it’s probably too small. The stove has a pot on it but the stove is off. Claude already has some flour on him, despite the flour being closed. Allan is taking out a few more ingredients, while Felix sits at the counter with tea, content to watch for now. It’s probably a good choice considering his black clothing would display any and all flour that lands on it.

Something is placed on her head. She looks up to see Allegra beside her.

“Thank goodness you’re here. Claude decided I’m in charge and I don’t know what I’m doing. You’ve got the hat so you’re in charge now.”

“M-me?! Are you sure I should?”

“You live in a bakery, and regularly assist in baking goods for sale. Of all of us you will be the most capable of directing us in creating baked goods.” Felix sips his tea as he says this.

“Yay! Marinette’s here to save us!” Claude throws his arms in the air as Allan puts the last of the ingredients on the counter.

“Hey, ‘Nette.” he looks at the chef’s hat, “So what do we do?”

“I don’t know, uh… where’s the recipe?” She still wasn’t convinced that she is the best to be in charge. They’ve never seen her as a leader, are they sure they want her to do this?

Allegra hands her a sheet of paper printed from a website. Marinette skims it quickly. It’s pretty good, but being raised by two bakers she makes some small adjustments in her head. Used to correcting recipes at home, she grabs a pen and quickly scribbles them onto the paper. Something in her switches, and she steps back with a mindset she hasn’t used in her civilian life since before. Her friends see the different expression - a new one for them - and smile.

“Alright, so first we’re going to need to melt the butter. Allan, I’m going to need to you turn the stove to a medium heat and keep an eye on it. Once it is boiling, stir it constantly until it is an amber color. At that point let it cool for twenty minutes.”

She hands him the two sticks of butter and turns to Claude and Allegra, “You two should measure out and mix the dry ingredients.” She hands them the corrected sheet, “And you’re going to want a bigger bowl.” She approves their new bowl, taking the old one with her as she clears a space a little away from the others to cut up the pretzels.

While they’re all distracted by their tasks, there’s a knock at the door. Felix stands and opens it, allowing Adrien into the kitchen. He starts to speak, but stops abruptly as he takes in the scene before him.

At this point Allegra and Claude have finished mixing and are just talking. Marinette has mixed the chocolate and butterscotch chips and pretzels together in a bowl. She’s standing at the stove with Allan and they’re talking as well. Felix has returned to his tea and none of those involved in the baking have noticed him yet. A timer beeps and Marinette straightens.

“Alright, the butter is cool now. Allegra, can you put the eggs and vanilla in with the butter? Allan can you do the brown sugar? I can mix it, and Claude, you can mix in the stuff in the other bowl when we get to that point.” Marinette is entirely in her element, having been raised on recipes that were probably more complicated than this one. She knows what to do and is easily directing those around her to include them all in the process.

Adrien hasn’t seen her so comfortable and confident - especially when directing others - in, well, a while now. It’s nice to see. He decides against interrupting and sits next to Felix to watch.

Father wouldn’t allow him to join in such a messy activity anyways.

Soon enough, the cookies have been put in the oven and Marinette sets the timer for them. She takes the hat off her head, “There! All done! I told you that it wasn’t that complicated!”

“That’s ‘cause you actually knew what you were doing!” Claude exclaims, hugging her.

“I am still certain that without your presence Claude’s kitchen may not have survived this experience.” Felix stands to put his mug away and the others finally notice Adrien.

“Oh hey, Adrien. When’d ya’ get here?” Allan sits at the table with the blond.

He shrugs, ”A little bit ago. I didn’t want to interrupt.”

“You could have said something, if you want to join.” Marinette has yet to flip back to her normal state of mind. She’s channeling her Ladybug mindset for public situations.

“Father wouldn’t have wanted me to.”

At this, Marinette gets a defiant tone and her expression changes to yet another new one for all but Adrien, “Well y-” She cuts herself off abruptly, remembering herself and slouching slightly, “Well that’s unfortunate.”

“I think that you should do what you want. He’s not here to stop you.” Allegra sits as well.

“Last time I tried that we were chased through Paris by a mob of fans.” The others are confused, but before any of them can question further, Marinette drops her head to the table.

“Ugh. I still can’t believe I was in my pajamas that whole time. How did I forget to change into my clothes before leaving the house? Aaaaaah.”

Adrien snorts at that and Claude slams his hands onto the table (but gently), “Storytime?!”

“It was on the news…” Adrien supplies, wondering if that would jog their memories - if they’d seen it at all.

“Don’t remind meeee…” Allan pats Marinette consolingly. Her head is still on the table.

“It’d still be more fun to hear it from you guys.” Allegra leans forward excitedly.

Adrien shrugs, deciding to start with the news footage. He pulls it up on his phone and puts it in view of all of them. Marinette sits up to watch it, cringing every so often.

“Anyways that’s just the early stuff-”

“So not even all of it, you didn’t even see my brilliant disguises.” Marinette covers her face with her hands.

“It turned into an akuma attack eventually.”

“You got dropped off the side of a building…”

“He what?!” Allan interrupts them, “Were you okay?”

“You guys lead very eventful lives...” Allegra adds.

“Ladybug caught me. Also her cure would have fixed anything anyways.”

“Still.” Allan shakes his head. Marinette’s point goes unspoken. What if it didn’t fix everything? What will happen when she inevitably messes everything up and can’t reverse the damage? People shouldn’t trust Ladybug so much.

“I don’t think that our lives are that eventful…” Marinette tries to draw their attention away from Ladybug. It’s hypocritical, but as much she wishes they wouldn’t trust her hero alter-ego so much, she fears the day when everyone realizes how useless she really is.

Well, maybe useless is a strong word.

“The lives of spectacular people are always eventful! That’s what happens when you’re talented Mari!” Claude throws his arms in the air excitedly and she blushes.

“Well, if the heroes of Paris recognize ya’ by name your life has gotta’ be at least kinda’ interesting…” Allan chimes in.

Marinette shrugs noncommittally. She wouldn’t mind telling them those stories, but they involve her old classmates and to think about them too long would make her feel bad - which would be against the rules - one of the newer ones.

 Rule #12: Don’t do anything that could attract an akuma to you.

 She’d already messed that up earlier, but she hadn’t seen it coming. Alya showing up with Lila had been a surprise.

You should have realized that she would have shown up at an akuma attack you idiot.

To be fair though, Alya was only part of the problem, it was Lila’s presence that had really pushed her over the edge.

No. No excuses. The whole point of her rules is to have her accept these things as facts. If they’re facts, then she shouldn’t feel bad, thereby making her safe from akumas. She can’t just follow them whenever she pleases - that’s not how rules work. She’s been breaking the rules a lot recently, especially when she got sick. Maybe it would be for the best if she re-read them tonight. For the sake of reminding herself.

She’d memorized them, so she hadn’t read them in almost a week.

“What should we do while the cookies are in the oven? Board games?” Claude suggests.

“Sure!” Allegra clears the table to make room for whatever Claude drags out of his room. He brings a few different things out. It’s impressive just how many things he manages to carry at once.

“Okay! I got Jenga, Suspend, Sorry, Sleeping Queens, Dixit, Coup…”

“That’s a lot of games at once, Claude.” Allegra looks at him doubtfully, “Do you two even know how to play some of these?” She looks at Marinette and Adrien.

Marinette nods, but Adrien shakes his head.

“The only board game I’ve played is Monopoly. I hadn’t even played that until a few months ago…”

“Welp. Claude’s gonna’ introduce ya’ to all of his.”

“You bet I am!” He punctuates this statement by dropping everything at the end of the table.

Eventually the group settles into their games, and when the timer goes off, Marinette takes the cookies out to let them cool, turning the oven off before joining back into the game. They play a couple different games for a few hours, eating the cookies while they play. Marinette slips a couple in her purse for Tikki.

“These taste like friendship!” Claude declares.

“They’re pretty good.” Allegra says, then notices Adrien hasn’t had one yet, “Do you want one Adrien?”

“Well, uh,” he rubs the back of his neck, “Do you think I’m allowed to? Father…”

Before the rest of them can respond, Marinette hits her palms to the table, looking at Adrien intensely, whispering conspiratorially, “Rebel.”

The group laughs when Adrien eats a cookie quickly, seemingly having been entirely convinced by this.

Eventually it’s starting to grow dark outside, and it’s time for them to leave. Claude shows them out.

“Farewell, friends!” The other five smile, waving goodbye as they leave. Once they’re outside Marinette wraps her coat around herself tighter, hissing at the cold.

“You gonna’ be good ‘Nettie?” Allan cocks his head at her.

“M’ house isn’t that far.” The girl sticks close to the rest of them, which doesn’t seem like it would do much good. Her miraculous condition makes her extra sensitive to heat in the winter though, so for her it’s a little better - she can sense their body heat. It’s entirely unconscious, but she always can tell where a heat source is. It’s not super useful when she’s too tired to move, but at least it means she typically falls asleep on the warmest person.

“We’ll walk with you - just to be safe.” Allegra wraps an arm around the shorter girl’s shoulders, who leans into her.

They carry on their conversation as they walk, dropping off Marinette first. She goes straight to her bed, as does Tikki. Before Marinette can sleep, she forces herself to sit up, remembering her promise to reread the lists.

After she reads them she thinks that maybe it had been too long since she read them last, seeing as now she felt bad and that is the whole thing she’s trying to avoid. 

She goes to sleep afterwards, because she’s still tired. She can think about the lists again in the morning.

---

Author’s Note: That definitely wasn't an excuse for her new friends to put her in charge of something while still allowing her to stay in her element. No,of course not. They're just helpless in the kitchen.

The recipe is here, if you're interested. I baked it with a friend a bit ago, and it was fun. They turned out pretty well, but I feel like a bakers' daughter such as Marinette would have adjustments to make.

Did I give Claude some of my own favorite games? Yes, yes I did.

Thanks for reading, and constructive criticism is welcomed in the comments below! The comments are my favorite part of this!

First | Previous | Saturday

[lightsandlostbells]

Skam season 3, episode 3 reaction

Thank you to everyone who has been reading and commenting so far! I love hearing people’s thoughts on S3 and reading anecdotes about other viewing experiences. This episode has some moments with a lot of room for varying interpretations; I would love to hear other POVs if you got a different reading out of a scene. It’s also one of the episodes where we have the original scripts, so we can compare the first draft with the finished product. 

Episode 3 feels like an impending train wreck up until the very end, where Robyn intervenes to keep things on track. 

SEASON 3, EPISODE 3 - “Now you’re bonding too much”

Clip 1 - Damage control, part 1

Isak starts off literally on the sidelines as he deals with the fallout of his ill-conceived lies as Emma writes a long text saying it’s fine if he’s not interested but he doesn’t have to give her false hope. Well, he is giving her some false hope, but we’ve also see him express reluctance over hanging out with her and partying with her. I can’t help but feel a little bit bad for him because even if he did make this mess himself, he also didn’t want to do the party with Emma in the first place. He’s created his own problems but they’re a result of his struggles with internalized homophobia and his need to maintain a typical heterosexual dudebro exterior. He really needs to learn to stop waffling and giving in to what people expect or want from him and start speaking up for himself, but of course he can’t quite do that until he starts being honest with himself and others.

Emma demonstrates her maturity by writing a reasonable-ish text message at 21:35, then complaining that he doesn’t answer at 22:01, then apologizing and asking him to reply at 22:18, then calling him an asshole at 22:30. This is one of my greatest personal pet peeves so I’m not exactly feeling sympathy for her at not getting a text reply within an hour. Some of us take naps or go to the movies or do stuff that requires us to be away from our phones for an hour. 

I’ve been wondering why Julie chose to write Emma the way she did, because if you think about it, Isak could have had a female “love interest” who was really cool and smart and seemingly perfect for him, if not for the fact that he’s gay and can’t make himself be interested in her. If I had to guess, I’d guess Emma is characterized like this because someone more mature or level-headed might be able to pick up on the massive hints that he isn’t into her, or in any case might not be so doggedly persistent in getting Isak’s attention. Instead, she’s beautiful and sweet enough, if ignorant in certain aspects, but she’s not someone Isak can just shake off by being distant. He has to deal with the consequences of flirting with her when he doesn’t mean it, because she won’t just go away if he ignores her. 

Additionally, I guess having a “love interest” like her only make it more obvious how right Even is for Isak, not just in the sense of Even being a boy but being someone with whom he forms a natural connection. Isak with Emma acts fake, Isak with Even acts real.

I’m not trying to hate on Emma, by the way; I know there’s an ugly side of fandom that can OTT bash her or Sonja not for their actual flaws but for existing. With Emma it’s complicated because she does do some shitty stuff later on that is legitimately worthy of criticism. Ultimately I think she doesn’t come off as well as someone like Sonja, or even Ingrid or Iben in S1, who are similarly minor characters causing problems for our POV character, but at this point in the story I still had plenty of sympathy for her. Isak is being unfair to her.

Mahdi calls Isak a traitor as he sits down and goes in on him for cancelling the party. It’s not really a surprise that Isak ended up snapping at him later in the season - obviously I love the boy squad and things worked out well and they became an adorable friendship crew, but these two clashed a lot in the first part of S3. To be fair to Mahdi, Isak has in the space of two episodes lost the group’s weed and randomly cancelled a pre-party by lying to everyone involved. Not good bro behavior. 

More to add to my theory that they’re relatively new friends and Mahdi is in this group via Jonas: he has no idea about Isak’s mom situation. I can’t remember if Magnus knows - I don’t remember him talking about it although “Magnus” has known Isak for a while if you count David’s early appearances. But even if you assume Isak is holding back on the specific details, Mahdi doesn’t seem to know that there’s anything unusual about what’s going on with his mom.

Isak is lying here again by mentioning his mom but it’s at least a convincing lie for once. He knows that Jonas will realize the seriousness of what he’s implying, and he also probably won’t press him too hard about the situation. It’s a little shitty that he uses the very serious issue of his mom’s illness - something that Jonas has helped Isak deal with firsthand - as a cover story for the real reason he bailed on Friday. But Isak’s mom is also a constant source of stress and worry for him so there is some truth in it.

Nice acting from Marlon when Jonas’ face changes as soon as Isak mentions his mom. Jonas being so protective and concerned for Isak = 💛💛💛

Mahdi of course doesn’t get it, because moms being stressed is just a thing moms do, they get upset because the kids made a mess or the car broke down or the dog dug a hole in the couch. “Stress” implies something far more mundane than the real situation with Isak’s mom.

Jonas asks simply how Isak’s mother is doing, nothing more, and Mahdi then manages to pick up from Isak’s expression and a serious shared look with Jonas that more is happening with Isak than he realizes. It’s noted in the script that he realizes here. So he drops the argument and tells Isak to just arrange a new pre-party. Case closed, as Jonas and Mahdi say!

Of course, you can tell from Isak’s expression that the case is not closed. First of all, he’s still lying to his friends. Second, how is he going to get a new pre-drink arranged with those girls when Emma is pissed off at him? Third, arranging a new pre-drink will not solve Isak’s rather large problem of not wanting to drink with Emma because he is not interested in her in the slightest.

There’s an IG post from Isak of the boys playing video games the next day, so things were chill again pretty quick.

Clip 2 - The Gay Test

This clip takes place on Mandag, 3:03, for anyone who wants to keep track of the repeating numbers.

Man, this fucking scene. This is bleak.

We start with Isak staring at the ceiling, just staring. You can imagine the million things that are on his mind. He reaches over for his phone and we get one of those biblical texts from his mom. Not as apocalyptic as usual, but still one more thing to cause him “stress” to borrow a euphemism. All these texts are both reminders that not only his mom is struggling with mental illness, she might not accept him if she knew certain facts about him. Facts which are heavily on his mind as of late.

Also, I guess Isak just sleeps in his underwear since we see it happen a few times, but the fact that he’s not dressed works for this being a very stripped down sort of scene, where Isak gets down to the heart of the matter on his laptop. Confronting ideas about his own sexuality directly even if he’s just typing them into a search engine. 

This whole clip is the definition of show, don’t tell, and Tarjei does such excellent acting here, especially considering that he’s using a pretty limited range of facial expressions and body language. Which makes sense, to be clear - he’s alone in his room at 3:03, he doesn’t need to be projecting his feelings to other characters or overreacting. But despite the fact that he’s not asked to go through a huge range here, man does this kid get across everything you need to know about what’s running through Isak’s mind. In fact the stillness works in his favor here, emphasizing his dead-inside, hopeless stare.

His acting carries this scene when there’s no voice-over or exposition to walk us through what’s happening. For instance, when Isak looks at Emma’s picture on Facebook, there’s no explanation, but we understand. He’s trying to see if he feels anything toward it, any attraction at all. He’s probably trying to make himself feel some attraction. 

We don’t actually see the search that led to him finding the gay test, but you can probably assume it was something like how to know if you’re gay or am I gay or something like that. But it might have been interesting to see exactly how he phrased it, to note the level of detachment or certainty in the phrasing.

This fucking test. A real test, by the way! The scripts have the links for the websites Isak visits in this clip, so Julie did her research. This scene was written around the existence of this crap. Did she get advised by RL gay people about the “empty closets” website while talking to members of the LGBT community for this season? Did she just Google “am I gay” and “how to get turned on by girls if you are gay” in order to find some appropriate links?

I was reluctant to give that website hits, but I did want to see exactly what the rest of the questions were, so I went through the test. 

The quiz is 20 questions and they’re all about personal grooming and style habits, gay-friendly pop culture, and avoidance of emotions. Nowhere in this quiz to determine whether someone is gay does it ask questions like “Are you attracted to men?” “Do you want to have sex with men?” “Do you fall in love with men?” Anything that has to with the actual definition of being a gay man. It is all about the stereotypes of having a “gay” personality.

Not only is this quiz is very stupid (obviously), but it also covers a very narrow perspective of what it means to be gay. A lot of the questions assume a middle- or upper-middle-class lifestyle and a selective pool of interests. It’s also an American-centric quiz and one that seems rather dated. There’s one question about who won season 1 of Project Runway - a season that aired in 2004, when Isak was five years old. How can this possibly be an accurate judge of Isak’s sexuality? But for a vulnerable teenager, it doesn’t matter that the test is ludicrous. It’s just reinforcing his worst fears of what a gay man has to be, muddling his perception of who he is. Because on the one hand, if this is what a gay man is, then Isak can’t be gay. He’s not one of those gay guys. But on the other hand, he still feels like he has to distance himself from these ideas of what gay is so he’s not seen that way. It’s all very messy. 

This part is specifically mentioned in the script: Isak hovers over the time travel question, seeming like he’s going to choose Moulin Rouge but picking Woodstock, the less “gay’ seeming option. Trying not to get too high of a score on the quiz. It’s very depressing that he needs to monitor himself like this - I mean, this is a dumbass online quiz and he’s taking it alone at night! Who cares? Sometimes I take Buzzfeed quizzes like “Design a taco and we’ll tell you what tropical fish you are” but does it tell me anything about myself if it says I’m a suckermouth catfish? No. Really he just doesn’t want this insignificant test to confirm something he already fears about himself.

Also we never see him watch any Baz Luhrmann films other than Romeo + Juliet, but I wonder if he watched Moulin Rouge and that sparked his interest in almost picking that option. Baz Luhrmann’s filmography isn’t that large; he’s directed the Red Curtain Trilogy (Strictly Ballroom, R+J, and Moulin Rouge), Australia, and The Great Gatsby, plus the pilot of The Get Down. You could watch all of his movies in a weekend. I know Isak is pretty upset and about to get focused on being “straight” but he had time to research and listen to Nas’ discography sometime this week, so it’s not unreasonable he also checked out other Baz films.

(Only three of those five films are tragedies, by the way! If Isak had stumbled upon Strictly Ballroom, perhaps this season would have turned out differently.)

If he watched Moulin Rouge, by that way, that might add some extra hesitation over the question. A reminder of Even, a reminder of these feelings that are causing him so much pain.

He’s 20% gay, which by this test’s standards is not very gay,  but probably too gay for his liking. 

how to get turned on by girls if you are gay -  I think it’s the “if you are gay” bit that makes this particularly depressing, because Isak knows what he is. He might be taking The Gay Test but really he knows he is gay. This isn’t really about him struggling with feelings for a guy for the first time and figuring out what that means about himself. This season isn’t about Isak realizing that he is gay. He’s known for a while; he’s likely known since he had a crush on Jonas, at least. It’s just that this time with Even, these feelings are coming to the forefront; this time, he almost found himself in a situation where a guy liked him back, and that leaves him with a different range of options than crushing on a straight dude where it’s “safe” in the sense that it’ll never happen. If a guy likes him back, it’s more dangerous, because something can happen. This Google search is about Isak trying to find out how to force a heterosexual side from himself despite knowing it’s fake.

In the script he does a search for “how to get turned on by girls if you are 22% gay” which I’m guessing they changed either to get the right search results on screen or because that phrasing is kind of humorous despite the topic, and it’s at odds with the serious tone of Isak’s struggle here.

Actually, I take it back. You know what is the most depressing about this part? That these are all real forums and posts from closeted gay people. Not fake websites made up for the show, as you would see in most television series. Real comments from real gay guys, talking about how to force themselves to get aroused by women. 

“I get drunk and try to focus on what is attractive about the girl. Works for me.” A real person wrote that.

I wasn’t watching this in real time yet, and I actually saw the pre-drink clip before I saw this one so I wasn’t worried about the pre-drink ending in Isak sleeping with a girl, but I can imagine a sense of foreboding from this clip? Particularly with the focus on the advice about sleeping with a girl. I can definitely imagine that it’d seem like Isak was about to make himself have sex with Emma (or another girl). I am so, so glad that Julie didn’t put Isak through that. It’s depressing enough to see him just think about it.

Clip 3 - Damage control, part 2

Ahhh, it’s the first appearance of Isak’s locker! Things are spilling out of it, he has a hard time cramming his belongings inside and keeping it shut.

So to translate the metaphor of Isak’s locker of self-acceptance: Isak knows he is gay, he has spent the past week indulging in his attraction to Even, and now he’s going to force all those feelings back inside no matter what it takes.

Also, in the script, the locker is able to be closed once Isak says he won’t host the party, so he’s closing it by turning down this opportunity to potentially hang with Even - the whole reason he got roped into hosting in the first place by asking if there would be more kosegruppa meetings.

Lmao, Isak seems incredibly stressed out by his locker, like Tarjei is breathing heavily and he has these wild eyes at the end when he turns back to Vilde. Keeping his locker shut sure must take a toll on him.

Isak blames other people for not being able to host the party instead of owning up to the real reason, which of course he would never admit out loud. He wanted to know if there would be more kosegruppa meetings, in case Even would come, but now Even is the last thing he wants to think about. With this party, Even might not only show up, but could bring his beautiful girlfriend along.

Oh, Isak. Before you told this lie, you should have counted on Eskild having contacts with Noora’s social circle. Eskild, not want to host a party? Please.

He then pins it on Linn which is at least a more believable lie. Linn is the one who asks her roommates to keep it down and wants to stay home and chill. But Vilde makes the point that Linn is depressed and doesn’t want to do anything, and it’s their job to make sure she does stuff. Which is actually very astute of Vilde. Speaking as someone who has dealt with depression, people can definitely go overboard in trying to help. Like everything, there’s a balance: you should respect the wishes of someone with depression and not think you know better than they do about how to handle their mental illness. But it’s also good to have people who want to check in on you and pull you out of your shell. Not to mention, you know, this is additional foreshadowing for the importance of mental health issues this season. 

Also let’s note that Vilde knows this probably because of her mom’s own issues, that she realizes she needs to give her mom a push sometimes. Sure, she really wants Isak to host that party. But she’s also speaking from experience. (The execution of Magnus/Vilde is annoying but in the bare bones of them, they’re both naive/silly characters who are harder to take seriously on a surface level but have a lot of hidden wisdom and maturity about certain issues.)

But Vilde also thought Even was a psychopath so she’s not perfect about mental illness, either. 

There’s a gifset of Vilde talking during this scene juxtaposed with Isak staring at her blankly and it’s one of my favorite gifsets ever. 

I will never stop laughing about how Isak just gives in to whatever Vilde asks of him.

Vilde texts him afterwards about the party and he gives one-word answers that are about as enthusiastic as his texts to Emma.

It’s freaky how much Isak is able to switch on his cool straight guy persona. Just a minute ago he was all frazzled by a battle with his locker and then losing a battle about hosting the party to Vilde, and now he’s going to be all Smooth Charming Totally Digs Girls Isak.

Lol, I’ll say this, it’s a pretty good transformation. Once he gets going I don’t see any cracks in the facade even knowing that he’s struggling internally. 

Even in his apology where he calls himself an asshole, he manages to neg her, kinda. Or whatever you’d call it with that little twist at the end implying he’s got another “cute girl” and Emma. It’s a joke but damn, fake Isak is such a little shit.

I didn’t really notice before but Isak is a little similar to Even here, getting Emma to loosen up by his big talk and charm, kind of like how Even breaks through to Isak with his story about Sonja’s aluminum leg later on. Though Isak is using a truthful story to move forward with his fake interest in Emma, and Even uses a false story to move forward with his real interest in Isak.

This clip ends on such a superficially lighthearted note but it doesn’t make you feel good. Instead it creates this sensation of dread.

This scene is so frustrating because like … Isak could have let this thing with Emma die after he canceled on her pre-drink. Sure, he would have had a first-year girl who didn’t like him, but big deal, in the scheme of things. Or he could have just apologized to her with no flirtation, been upfront about not wanting to take this thing with them further. But he creates an additional problem here by stoking Emma’s interest again. You can see this crashing and burning from a mile away.

Clip 4 - Hello dance chicks

This dance routine goes on too long, lmao, like this lasts more than a minute. Which, to be fair, is probably how it feels when you’re a closeted gay boy having to look at dancing girls because your friends like the view. But it’s also kinda like someone on the crew was like, “Hey Julie, would it be cool if we showcase my cousin and her dance team in this clip?” and Julie was too polite to say no. (This is not actually what I think happened, for the record.)

As noted in the script, this is another instance of Isak trying to make himself feel something, some bit of attraction to these physically fit, tightly-clothed girls, but all he can get out of it is fixation on weird details like the size of one girl’s hands. 

“Did he have to be so gay?” Isak, no. Don’t do this.

This is a direct consequence of crap like “the gay test” that fixates on stereotypes and maintaining a masculine image. It’s really sad that we see Isak try to promote this stuff when he’s raw with insecurity over it.

Also, dude, legit no one in your squad cares about whether that guy is gay. They’re all preoccupied with salivating over girls in activewear.

Later on in the episode we’ll hear Even criticize the act of making generalizations against gay people, something that Isak himself is doing here: generalizing that people who act like that must be gay and generalizing that people who are gay act like that. Like Emma claiming that her generalization isn’t a problem because it’s not negative, Isak tries to defend his comment once Jonas calls him on it by saying that he’s not “dissing” him but merely pointing out a fact. A very weak argument when the comment starts with Isak complaining about the guy being too gay.

Shoutout to Marlon’s utterly baffled face when Isak pulls this shit out of nowhere. It is very ironic that Jonas did encourage some of Isak’s insecurity in S1 with his comments about gay songs and going along with OG Elias’ gay jokes, but now Jonas seems to have matured beyond that behavior between seasons, and Isak, the actual gay guy, is the one left behind, struggling with internalized homophobia. 

Also, whether or not Jonas suspects Isak is gay at all at this point, it’s good that he called out his friend for saying some offensive crap. A lot of guys would laugh along or let the comment pass unchecked. S1 Jonas didn’t call out Elias and even acted like Isak was unreasonable for being upset. S3 Jonas is one hell of an upgrade on that front.

Lol, if you didn’t like Jonas in S1, S3 is his redemption arc. I was biased because I came into S1 having seen part of S3, so I knew Jonas was going to turn out to be an awesome dude. But it is really striking how the alternating POV structure can reveal different sides to characters, and Jonas is one of the characters with possibly the biggest differences revealed. Eva’s season shows Jonas at his worst; Isak’s season shows Jonas at his best. Some of that is definitely getting a year between them to account for Jonas’ increased maturity, and some of it is just being able to know Jonas in the context of a romantic relationship vs. in the context of a friendship.

Jonas mentions that Isak has been grouchy, because Jonas pays attention to his best bro’s well-being, because he cares!! So damn much!!

Mahdi is still checking out the girls and not paying a lick of attention to this Isak-Jonas argument when Even walks up, by the way. 

GODDAMMIT HENRIK, WHY DO YOU HAVE TO BE SO TALL

It burns me up inside that Even was wearing the snapback before he throws it to Isak and we didn’t get to see it. Because Henrik is a long, long man. Well, mostly because Julie shot it at that angle.

On the other hand, the angle works really well to create more tension in the scene. Even is towering over Isak and the other boys. His presence is sudden and big. He’s the looming problem that Isak can’t ignore. Isak is sitting down, off-guard. Not only is Even suddenly dominating this moment that was between Isak and his friends, he and Isak are literally not on the same level, both physically and in their interaction. As helpfully pointed out in the script, “Isak doesn’t understand shit about what just happened.”

In the script, Even not only is wearing the snapback, but he sticks it on Isak when he returns it, and like, I can see why that might be considered too much (and Isak immediately panics and takes it off in the script) but god DAMN do I want to see footage where they tried it this way. 

Lmao, so did Even know where to find Isak? Or was he wandering around the school with Isak’s hat, hoping to run into him? Or wearing it just because he liked having Isak’s hat on his head?

How much do you want to bet that Isak left the snapback behind because he was desperate to get out of Even’s apartment and away from the Even/Sonja makeout session as fast as possible? 

Even, on the other hand, was probably glad to have the hat as an excuse to talk to Isak again.

This scene could have gone very differently had Even found Isak alone instead of with the boy squad. Or, looking at it another way, did Even intentionally approach Isak when he wasn’t alone in order to nullify some of the tension from the situation? Because, even apart from Sonja’s appearance, there was some serious chemistry happening on Friday, I’m sure Even fell harder for Isak than he’d even expected. But his relationship with Sonja hangs between them. Maybe he thought having other people there would make the vibe less fraught. You underestimated how much Isak does not want his bros to know, Even. 

The way the atmosphere changes when Even walks in … you can feel Isak’s blood freeze. He just watches Even toss the snapback to him with no effort to catch it because he’s too shocked by what’s happening. He’s so panicked he can come up with absolutely no lies to salvage this situation.

Even is bouncing a little after he approaches Isak, which seems to be a nervous gesture for him. He might seem like the cool confident dude, and sure, Even is often confident and makes the first moves in his pursuit of Isak. But he’s also got a lot of deep-rooted vulnerability. If something happens with Isak … it’ll mean he has to end things with Sonja, a person who has seen Even at his lowest points and still accepts him, cutting off a relationship that has been a source of stability and support despite its serious flaws. And it’ll mean taking a chance on a new person who might not be so okay with the parts of himself Even hates the most.

Even, bless him, reads the tense situation without Isak saying anything. Even though they’re not on the same page, Even can at least tell that Isak is hiding something from his friends. This is one of those early moments that made me really like him - how easily and quickly he can read the room and especially what Isak is feeling, and can act quickly to help him out, similar to how Even handles Emma wanting to pair off with Isak at kosegruppa. He’s a very perceptive person. And he throws out a lie for Isak very casually and shrugs it off and walks away.

Isak is very confused by this encounter, and with scenes where Isak has no idea what’s happened I like to consider Even’s unseen side of the story (to be fair, I like to consider that for ... pretty much all scenes). So I’m trying to imagine what Even wanted or expected from this moment. This is the first scene where he’s interacting with Isak after a life-changing Friday afternoon where they got to know each other and fell hard for each other. That meeting ended with Even’s long-term girlfriend came by, bringing a cold dose of reality to this magical afternoon. So what does Even think will happen when he finds Isak again? What does he hope will happen?

I think from Even’s POV, this certainly wasn’t what he wanted to happen the next time he spoke to Isak. Isak was very clearly not happy with Even’s presence in that moment, which is never a great feeling. But if Even turned this moment over in his head - what was that all about? - he would have to consider that Isak was hiding something from his friends, specifically that he hung out with Even on Friday. So why didn’t Isak want to tell them? What’s so objectionable about two guys randomly hanging out and smoking weed together? Because if there wasn’t anything to hide, why couldn’t Isak just say, “Oh, thanks for returning my hat, hey guys, this is Even?” So then Even would run through the possibilities. Maybe Isak had other plans with these guys, and he bailed on them. But then why did he bail? Because he didn’t want to hang with them, or because he really wanted to hang with Even? Orrrrr …. Was there something else to that afternoon that Isak feels he can’t tell his friends about, and if so, what was that?

IDK, if I were in Even’s shoes, I would be analyzing the hell out of what just happened trying to pick out some meaning from it. And I think while I might be really hurt and disappointed in the moment, when I had been semi-rejected by Isak, if I thought about it further, I might feel a spark of hope over Isak’s reaction. Because maybe this feeling isn’t one-sided. Maybe that afternoon had more significance to Isak than just a fun hangout.

Of course this is all assuming Even is like me and obsesses over the little details of a confusing social interaction. He might have just thought, “Time to try again!” and started picking out the perfect outfit for Friday. We don’t get any clues between this scene and Even showing up at the party to tell us what he might have been thinking. 

The script makes it clear that Jonas remembers that Isak was wearing the snapback when they left the school on Friday, therefore realizing that Even was lying. Let’s applaud Jonas’ observational skills because tbh, I would not remember what hat my friends were wearing last week unless it was super out of the ordinary. I guess if one of them were borrowing my own hat I might mentally keep track of it? Still, Jonas is killing it this season with recognizing stuff’s up with Isak.

Isak and Jonas share clothes and I love it, by the way 💛💛💛

Isak calling Even “just some revue nerd from Vilde’s group” stings, man. I know he is obviously lying and Even is already so much more to him, but I’m glad Even wasn’t around to hear that. Like Isak dismissing Even that way is painful on Isak’s part, too. If only Even was “just some revue nerd” Isak wouldn’t be feeling like shit.

Honestly, bless Magnus for interrupting this miserable scenario with his weird-ass BDSM dreams. If ever there was a time where you needed your goofball friend to start talking about getting tied up and punished with a whip, this is it.

Some of Isak’s reaction to Magnus’ story seems like Tarjei laughing at his friend David delivering these ridiculous lines and some of it seems like he and Jonas can’t help but look at each other all are you hearing this shit and at one point it seems like Isak casts a look at Jonas as if to be like so are we done with the topic of gay people and my bad attitude and the revue nerd now? Are you distracted enough to forget it for now? Are we cool?

That whole moment with Even happened so quickly, you know that it was one of those incidents that goes by fast and is hard to process while it’s occurring. But as we later learn, it stuck with Jonas for a while.

So far, Isak has lied or taken part in a lie in every single clip this week: his mom’s “stress,” the gay test (lying to himself or trying to figure out how to live a lie), lying to Vilde about why he can’t host the party, lying to Jonas about who Even is and when Even got his snapback.

Clip 5 - Neon pre-game

This was the first Skam clip I ever saw!

The clip popped up in my recommendations on YouTube, and I was pulling an Isak and messing around on my laptop late at night, so I decided to watch. I fully expected to watch for a minute and then switch to something else, but no, this one clip had me hooked.

I know this is just like, a fun party theme where all the kids can get dressed up in wacky wigs and bright colors, but I think there’s something to both this scene and the 21:21 clip in the next episode that the setting is out of the ordinary and that allows the flirtation between Isak and Even to escalate.  In this clip, it’s a party, the lights are turned down, everyone’s dressed unusually. Things are already out of the norm. It’s because things aren’t ordinary that this situation with Isak and Even can be pushed a little farther. It’s when the lights are low and everyone’s dancing with painted faces that Isak and Even can lock eyes while they’re kissing girls because it’s something off from their usual reality. When the lights come up and the music’s off and everyone’s grabbing their coats to leave and go back into the rest of the world, breaking the spell, and Even levels that stare at Isak - that’s too real, that makes Isak look away. But it’s that slightly surreal, slightly dreamy vibe that allows for Isak and Even to take a step forward.

I love seeing Linn dressed up and socializing! Vilde was right, she needed a push.

Chris is here, but not Kasper, which is probably just due to actor availability since he’s mentioned in the script. It would have been nice to get some more insight into that relationship and especially what ended it, since we get so little of Chris’ inner life. I mean, Vilde/Magnus is also a “joke” relationship in a lot of respects and we still got more of a clue of why they might have something genuine besides a shared interest in TMI.

The script had Jonas calling Isak and Isak presumably ignoring him, a detail that is left out of the final clip. Jonas does mention that he tried to call Isak in a clip next episode, though.

Notice we open the dialogue with Isak asking Emma what music she likes, aka the question that Even asked him on Friday. Which is a common enough icebreaker, but I don’t think these facts are unrelated! Like I realize Isak has dating experience but really Isak takes a lot of cues from Even in navigating a real romantic relationship, little things that come up later on. And also, as much as Isak might be trying to be straight, trying to make it work with Emma, his mind is clearly drifting back to that afternoon with Even. How right it must have felt compared to this thing with Emma or with other girls, and how, maybe without even thinking about it much, he’s referring back to his interaction to Even as a model of how to flirt.

Lmao I mean, Justin Bieber ain’t my favorite musical artist either, but I feel like Isak’s reaction to Emma being a fan is so typical of dudes. I will give Emma some credit, she laughs off his teasing and doesn’t get too insecure about his comments, at least not visibly. And when he asks her about ‘90s hip-hop she admits she doesn’t know much about it instead of pretending to (ISAK).

Isak also sounds like a typical dude when talking about his musical tastes to Emma. However, Isak suddenly being an expert on Nas is the funniest shit ever. Emma, let me tell you all about the greatest musical artist ever, who I learned about a week ago! Tarjei plays this moment really well because I kinda cringed and I also laughed really hard.

It also shows that, even with Isak taking gay tests and trying to flirt with Emma this week, he found time to research and listen to Nas, someone important to Even.

In the script Vilde throws herself at Even into a hug when he enters and then it’s mentioned that “Vilde awkwardly greets Sonja,” which is kind of a random detail. I guess the awkwardness comes from Vilde launching herself too enthusiastically into a hug at Even in front of his girlfriend? Was Vilde supposed to be kinda thirsty for Even, thinking he was a single dude and wanting to get with someone (out of jealousy at her friends hooking up)?

The script also has Isak deliberately ignore Even when he tries to say hi, which wouldn’t have worked with the positioning of the actors in this scene, but it’s obviously colder than what we get here.

Looking ahead to S4, I’m still on the fence about how much Julie really thought about the Sana-Even connection - there are things that make me think she did plan it to a degree, there are things that seem retconned - but I’ve never thought this moment of Sonja introducing herself to Sana has to be a big inconsistency with Even and Sana knowing each other. All he had to do was tell Sonja beforehand that Sana would be at the party and that he didn’t want to call attention to the fact that they knew each other before he went to Nissen, and she probably would have agreed to play along like they were strangers.

I think Emma placed Isak’s hand on her boob because he momentarily stopped paying attention to her by looking at Even. But I don’t think she realized why he stopped paying attention to her.

Emma: “My bra will be bothering me until I can TAKE IT OFF I mean just a suggestion really it’d be so welcome to get out of it ha ha ha.”

I was going to laugh and say Isak could not look less interested in touching Emma’s boob but then I took another look at Tarjei’s face and remembered that Isak is supposed to be forcing himself to be turned on by girls, and mentally he was probably thinking okay, here’s your chance, focus and suddenly it got a lot less funny.

Jesus Lord, that look Even sends Isak from across the room while draping his jacket over his shoulder. While clad in that tight white T-shirt. He means business. No mystery at all why Isak takes that moment to gulp down his beer and start making out with Emma. This is certainly a challenge Isak is undertaking for himself, trying to be straight, but it’s also a fuck-you to Even (and not in the way Even wants). Hey Even, we flirt all afternoon and then your girlfriend comes in? Then you bring her to my apartment and give me that look across the room? Well, fuck you, I’m not dealing with your mixed signals now.

There is such a clear difference between when Isak makes out with girls versus when he kisses Even. With Emma here (and with Sara in S2) you can see how calculated it is; the way Isak rubs his hands over her back, the way he tilts his head in a coordinated way, the length of the kisses. It feels entirely like a performance with those girls, like there’s something cerebral about it, his mind is working on how to make it seem real from the outside. When Isak eventually kisses Even, it just seems like he’s … not thinking. Or maybe he’s thinking, but not because he’s trying to perform. With Even, Isak just wants to kiss him. He’s not worried about making it look good, he’s concentrated on how good it feels, and he’s just reacting on instinct with what his body wants. 

I would pay to see a version of this scene where Even plops down on the sofa and Emma is like, “Endre, Isak was just telling me about Nas, he says he made the best album of all time!”

Also, it wouldn’t have worked with Isak’s POV, but don’t you wish we could have seen Even’s face when he noticed Isak had his hand on Emma’s boob, and especially when Isak broke their loaded eye contact to make out with Emma? Like can you imagine on Even’s end, when he’s kind of still in that conversational bubble with Sonja and Vilde, how he burst out of it? OK GOTTA BLAST BYEEEEEEE

And then he launches across the room like he’s auditioning for The Flash.

“I’m starting to think you’re bonding too much” Subtle, Even.

“I thought we were a team?” SUBTLE.

Even does do an admirable job of trying to seem cheerful and not possessive or jealous, but you can see him deflate a little once he shakes Isak’s shoulder and compliments his apartment and Isak is just not having it, and meanwhile Emma gets to lean in to Isak taking advantage of that proximity. 

Lmao, can you imagine if these three actually attempted to bake bread or whatever for kosegruppa? All the passive-aggressiveness and competing for Isak’s attention, and Isak wanting to sink into the floor? I’ll say it again, I will never not feel a little cheated that we didn’t get more actual kosegruppa shenanigans.

It’s kinda funny that Emma is raving about Eskild considering they could have met only like an hour or so ago. And already she’s like “HE’S GAY, LIFE OF THE PARTY!”

Shout out to Eskild, Linn, and Chris’ dancing though. Loves of my life right there.

Even is honestly a very nice person, I think kindness is one of his defining qualities, but man, he does not care for Emma. Though even when he’s calling her out on her generalizing about gay people, he’s not being excessively rude to her? He’s not calling her homophobic or ignorant or anything, he’s just challenging her and explaining to her why it’s offensive. And he’s justified in doing so anyway, it’s not like he targeted her over something stupid. What she’s saying affects him as a pansexual person.

Actually, Emma harboring generalizations about gay people is perhaps part of why she didn’t consider that the boy turning down a blowjob from her and giving her mixed messages might be gay. He’s not ~hilarious and fitting into her ideas about gay people. To be clear, I’m not trying to put all the blame on her, because Isak is also randomly making out with her and encouraging her crush on him, too. But she’s just got a limited view of gay people and their experiences, as evidenced by other stuff later in the season.

Man, the way Isak’s head turns when Even calls Emma out on using superficial generalizations. This conversation is just what he needed to hear at this moment. That his paranoia over stuff like the gay test, his criticisms of the dance instructor for seeming too gay, all of that crap, are wrong. They’re inaccurate. Just because he likes guys does not mean Isak has to be this way or that way. That he can be an individual rather than having to cram himself into boxes that don’t fit. That if he identifies as gay, it doesn’t mean that everyone can sum up his existence by that one adjective. And he’s hearing it from exactly the best person who could say it at this moment: the guy he likes. Imagine what a relief it is to know not only that Even doesn’t buy into this bullshit, but also that he will vocally speak out against it. And you know that Isak is also wondering more about whether Even is not straight based on this conversation because it sounds like Even has given this topic a lot of thought.

Also when Emma is objecting to Even’s comments, she turns back to Isak, maybe for reinforcement, or maybe because she doesn’t want to lose an argument in front of him, and he quickly lowers his gaze, because he doesn’t want to seem too interested in what Even is saying. But of course Isak is intensely interested. Emma isn’t even quite in focus in some of these shots. It’s all Isak zeroing in on Even’s perspective.

Even also uses the “All Muslims are terrorists” example as a comparison, and it was one of the moments that people took as potential evidence that Even had an interest in Islam and possibly knew Sana. After S4, we know that this example is personal to him because his best friends were Muslims and experienced the harm from those generalizations.

Additionally, if you consider that Even had a suicidal episode prior to this season that had something to do with shame over liking boys, this is quite a bit of self-reflection to have gained in the meantime. I’m not sure we ever learn exactly when Even’s suicide attempt took place (like what month and exactly how much school he missed)? But in the period between the suicide attempt and S3, Even appeared to have gained a lot of acceptance about his sexuality.

As I said above, this is the first Skam clip I ever saw, and this moment right here, with Even and Emma talking on the couch, was the one that really grabbed my attention. I was impressed with this part because it seemed to have more nuance and maturity than a lot of similar takes on homophobia - I feel like a lot of shows sometimes still don’t get that positive generalizations are still generalizations? And I definitely feel like many shows’ characters wouldn’t have a discussion about it. 

And for what it’s worth, I really liked Even after this exchange and it’s one of many moments that made it harder for me to think that he was two-timing or using Isak. This seemed very genuine and thoughtful, and like he was someone who had strong investment in the topic. 

Not to drag Emma too much again, but her calling this conversation “boring” is something that makes me, well, less than fond of her. In fact I find her calling this conversation boring and flouncing away a lot worse than making a generalization about gay people in the first place. Because people do say offensive things out of ignorance; Isak certainly says his fair share of crap regarding gay people this season. But people can also be educated about these points. For instance, Isak takes Eskild’s Pride speech seriously. It’s that Emma doesn’t take Even’s comments seriously that’s bad. That she doesn’t want to confront that she may be perpetuating harmful ideas. I don’t expect her to fall over herself apologizing but this conversation has not permeated her brain at all. This isn’t a “boring” conversation to Isak, who is gay, and who needs this conversation at the moment. The fact that Emma can call it boring and walk away is some massive straight privilege. I don’t want to demonize her too much because she is only like 16, but yeah, girl is very ignorant about LGBT issues. 

HERE WE GO, ANOTHER ICONIC S3 MOMENT.

I never really noticed but at the beginning of Call Your Girlfriend, when we’re watching Isak bop along (adorably), you can see Even’s neon bandanna at the side of the frame, out of focus. It reminds me a lot of shots where we are firmly in Isak’s POV, such as in the Talk Show Host courtyard walk, where part of Isak’s head is at the side of the frame out of focus, almost like we’re watching over his shoulder, or directly seeing through his eyes. So this moment in Call Your Girlfriend, whether intentional or not, almost seems like we’re watching through Even’s eyes as he looks at Isak dancing. It doesn’t work perfectly, since Isak eventually looks off to the side at Even (and not at the camera) but I like to think of Even watching Isak as he danced with Emma, turning back to Sonja a moment before Isak looked over at Even.

So I love the Evak nose rubs as much as anyone, that’s their special thing, but Even does it here to Sonja as they’re dancing. My headcanon is going to be that Isak saw this and deliberately instigated it with Even in the bed scene as a way of making it theirs. I really think Isak takes a lot of cues from Even, as mentioned earlier, more than he realizes consciously.

Also, while I think Even making out with Sonja at the end of S2 was for Sonja’s benefit, in this scene I think a lot of the Even/Sonja making out is a performance for Isak. Which is not really fair to Sonja, but well, there you go. Even saw Isak making out with Emma, he suspects it was for show (if nothing else he knows Isak was not enthused to be in a kosegruppa group with Emma and so his interest probably isn’t genuine), and this is his way of saying two can play that game.

never 4get the iconic script line by Julie in reference to Isak’s dancing, “lol Tarjei”

THIS SONG, by the way. This song is a jam anyway but talk about those completely on-point lyrics.

This is one of those diegetic music moments where the characters are listening to the music inside the scene. What makes it work so damn well is because Even knows this song and is deliberately making eye contact with Isak at the most apropos lyrics. You can’t tell me otherwise. It’s not just the soundtrack coincidentally happening to sync up and be lyrically relevant for the viewers, it’s the song syncing up within the scene itself, at the party - that would be loaded enough, but Even is also putting on a show for Isak here. There’s a reason he turns Sonja in place and looks at Isak exactly at the line “and now it’s gonna be me and you.” Yeah, I know I’m with her, Isak, and I know you’re with her, but I feel you looking at me, and I’m gonna look back. 

I mean Even, Gabrielle’s #1 fan, knows how to communicate meaningfully via pop songs to the object of his affection.

Possibly my favorite part is right after that scorching eye contact, when you can see Isak has just been struck to the core by Even looking at him, and then he closes his eyes and goes back to kissing Emma. Because you know he’s imagining he’s kissing someone else.

I feel bad for Sonja and Emma here but at least they remained happily oblivious to the boys eye-fucking each other across the room while making out with them. 

There’s not enough Eva in this season so let’s appreciate how gosh darn cute she is with her yellow hair bow.

Also Sana is so precious with her face paint and dimples!

How did Isak not burst into flames when Even looked across the room at him like that? The most smoldering look of the clip, for my money. That is the gaze of a man who knows what (who) he wants and is not shy to show it. Also note Isak quickly looking away and then “surreptitiously” back to Even a moment later, when Even has looked away and is deciding to play it more cool.

Emma touches Sonja’s teeth which is kind of weird, although Sonja does have very nice teeth! But I mean, even my close friends probably wouldn’t just touch my teeth for fun, let alone someone I just met. I assume this was something to do with the blacklight? Sonja’s teeth were very bright in the dark? Or else Emma is interested in amateur dentistry.

Lmao when Emma suggests Isak take a taxi with her, Sonja, and Even, you can imagine that is the absolute last scenario Isak would enjoy right now, Emma trying to get into his pants and Even mentally undressing him while Sonja is right there.

Here we goooooooo with another memorable Evak kitchen scene! Julie sure loves to have people flirt in kitchens, huh.

Guys, I got butterflies watching this scene. I don’t know how many times I’ve seen it, but part of me is still like are they going to kiss????

“Didn’t you take a taxi with the others?” “I have a bike.” Lmao I don’t believe that.

I can FEEL the tension coming off the screen. Like I can imagine everything Isak is feeling here. The nerves, the attraction, the pull toward Even. Trying to fight it, trying to maintain some detachment.

You can imagine Isak’s heart beating so fast. SHIT Even is right here, in his personal space, they’re alone together.

Even asks about Isak having a good time with Emma - funny because we all know, and he knows, that Isak just made out with Emma while staring at Even. It’s a joke, an inquiry that would seem harmless except for the massive irony. Also not a joke because Even really is kind of jealous and Isak plays off his comment. No matter if they’re aware of this thing between them, Isak is still making out with someone other than Even and it stings.

The acting here is so so SO good. Isak is like “why are you telling me about this” when Even starts talking about Sonja, he’s cautious, he’s trying not to give himself away. Meanwhile Even is trying to find a way to break through to Isak. He’s trying to communicate that he doesn’t want to be with her, but that it’s complicated. And when Isak is not having it, he switches to making an outlandish joke about it. Both of them communicate these shifts so well with their microexpressions, body language, tone of voice, etc.

There’s so much delicious subtext in this scene! This is one of Skam’s strengths - we know what’s going on in this scene, they don’t need to spell it out for us with lots of straighforward expository dialogue because the strength of the acting, the pacing, and the carefully chosen dialogue tells us everything we need to know. On a very instinctive level, we can tell when Isak becomes more on edge or when he lowers his guard; we can tell when Even decides he needs to try a new tactic in getting through to Isak.

Even and Sonja’s relationship is pretty complex even if we don’t get many glimpses at it up close and personal - you have to take a lot of it in bits and pieces, based on what Even says, what Sonja says, what Isak sees. I think they really needed to break up whether or not Isak was in the picture, but the thing is, I can completely understand why Even feels he can’t break up with her. She’s the one who stood by him through his episodes, throughout a terrible point of his life, and he probably feels like he owes her or that it’s wrong to leave her after all that. Adding to that, she’s one of the most stable factors in his life - after losing his friends, having to change schools, having to repeat his final year, dealing with manic/depressive episodes, etc. And because Sonja calls the shots, she’s someone he can rely on. He’s used to her taking control and telling him what’s real and not real. He’s got so much insecurity about his mental illness and he’s used to Sonja for support, so you can imagine how it’d be hard to cut himself off from her judgment. How is he supposed to stand on his own? She’s his aluminum leg.

Again, Even thinking quickly on his feet, spinning this ridiculous yarn about Sonja’s aluminum leg. He really gets into it! And this dumb story does melt the tension so beautifully, so kudos to Even for being a giant weirdo.

That is a damn fine delivery by Tarjei on Isak’s confused “What?” Precious.

As has been analyzed many times, Even’s story about Sonja’s aluminum leg is not really about his girlfriend’s fake prosthetic limb. He’s talking about himself and his bipolar disorder. She’s doing a lot better now (Even is doing a lot better after his manic/depressive episodes at Elvebakken and his suicide attempt). She’s gotten a lot of help from physiotherapists (Even has presumably been to some mental health specialists. Although it would be nice to know this for certain! Something I always wanted more of - info on Even’s mental health treatment plan.) You can hardly see she limps (Even seems like a swaggering confident young man and at first glance you would not be able to see his mental health struggles or vulnerabilities).

Notice how Even moves in subtly closer to Isak after Isak’s clued in on the joke, and that the camera zooms in a bit as well, making us feel the distance closing. I think even Isak notices and needs a second to adjust (after Even says he could’ve joked about something way worse, he kind of sputters out a reply, which could be disbelief or could also be him taking a second to re-calibrate with Even RIGHT THERE OMG).

This is how you do on-screen chemistry. Tarjei and Henrik are really feeding off each other, responding to each other’s movements and eye contact, making this conversation seem natural.

Regarding Even’s comment about Sonja having a dick and that this would be way too far to joke about - I definitely get why this comment would bother people. I think part of the joke is that Even is quite fine with dick and “going too far” is ironic when Even keeps joking about dick and balls, including making a blowjob joke within seconds of his first conversation with Isak. Their reactions make it clear that talking about dick is a lot more charged when there’s all this sexual tension floating around in the kitchen. But the comment is somewhat jarring and is worded in an unfortunate way that’s close to common transphobic arguments.

Isak not being able to look at Even at this point slays me. He tries it for a second but quickly looks back down. Even is too close, Isak is too attracted to him, this tension between them is too thick, Even’s girlfriend is too much of an obstacle and it’s too hard to think about how Even can’t break up with her, and all his plans for this week about how to get turned on by Emma, how to act straight, are unraveling so fast because this thing with Even is too real. It’s too much.

And when Isak says Sonja’s name it’s palpable how much this situation upsets him. Sonja is very sweet and cute. She’s Even’s very nice girlfriend who he can’t dump. No matter if they’re flirting and there’s all this tension, she’s the elephant in the room. It’s like it’s the fact that Isak is clearly struggling and not even able to look at him that makes Even decide to kiss him, because he knows what it means. Show him it’s not about Sonja anymore. My heart hurts at how resolutely Isak keeps his head down, even when Even moves in for the kiss.

Can I just say I love the sound effects in this scene? Or rather, lack thereof? I think you can hear the door unlocking at one point, for Noora, but otherwise the silence, just their breathing, every inch they move, all of that is so perfect. Like this is all being laid bare, it’s hard to hide anymore when it’s just the two of them and there are no distractions.

I adore Julie’s bit in the script about Isak looking down at the hole in the sock. ADORE IT. I can completely see it even if it’s not physically shown on screen. I know it’s mostly to get Tarjei into Isak’s mindset but damn that bit is so perfect. 

Though this is the part in the season where I’m like, OK, Even should’ve broken up with Sonja. Even though I completely get why he doesn’t from a character perspective! The previous episodes contained this nebulous getting-to-know-you phase where I can accept Even still being with Sonja to a degree even if there is some emotional cheating going on, even if he’s deliberately trying to get close to Isak. But trying to kiss someone? That’s when you need to decide if you want to call it quits with your old partner or pursue this new person. Although again, I get why he wanted to be REALLY FUCKING CERTAIN before he broke up with her, considering it’s not easy to end this relationship and the last time he made a move on a boy, things did not end well.

Imagine being a Norwegian Skam fan and following S2 and being obsessed with Noora’s story which is this national phenomenon, and then S3 starts and Noora’s just gone, not only out of focus but gone, out of the damn country, and you miss her and want to see her again, and maybe you’re not really keen on this Isak kid but after a few episodes you’re warming up to him and his budding romance with Even is really cute and you hope they get together and then there’s this scene packed full of sexual tension and they’re about to finally kiss and it feels like ages even though it’s only been like three weeks and that is when some jackass interrupts this almost-kiss and you’re going to murder whoever did it and that is when you get your beloved Noora back. I mean. A+ trolling, Julie.

What did Even think of Noora, anyway, with that look he shoots Isak? Just a general “who is this and why is she preempting our makeouts” or is he wondering if she’s Isak’s ex or something?

I think so much about what happened right after this scene! How awkward was Even’s leaving? It seems from the next clip (at the start of episode 4) that they talked about hanging out the next day? I wonder if that was supposed to be a text message or something that didn’t make it into the social media updates. Did Even go home by himself, or did he go find Sonja and the others? I’m not sure if that’s clear from the texts. What would have happened if Noora came home like a minute later, after they’d kissed - would Even have broken up with Sonja immediately or 

I used to wonder when Isak got Even’s phone number. For a while I thought he had Even listed as “Even Kosegruppa” in his phone because he got his number at the first kosegruppa meeting - that seems pretty early in their relationship, but it’s also the only period of time where he didn’t know Even’s full name, and it would have made sense to call him “Even Kosegruppa” seeing that’s the only context he knew him at that point. But it did seem strange to me that they would have exchanged numbers but Isak wouldn’t be shown freaking out over this, or Even wouldn’t have “casually” contacted Isak. So now I’m thinking they only exchanged numbers after this party scene, when they were tentatively making plans to hang out the next day. Tbh I could totally see Even putting himself as “Even Kosegruppa” in Isak’s phone to be funny. Because clearly this connection between them has escalated and there’s a joke in suggesting that Isak needs to be reminded how he knows Even - oh yeah, that guy from kosegruppa - when they both know it’s more than that. And Isak would of course never change it.

The song over the credits (”Lite og Stort” by No. 4) is about finding your way back home, which is literally Noora’s situation right now. I think the lyrics are specifically about “home” meaning Norway as a country? I’m going off the English translation, though, feel free to correct if I’m missing something. 

Anyway this scene hooked me. I was blown away by their acting in the kitchen scene, I was floored by the level of chemistry. Despite not knowing anything that came before this scene, I needed to have these characters kiss! And I loved the pacing and the dialogue, how natural it all felt. I distinctly remember thinking. “Now this is the kind of television I like to watch.”

General Comments:

This week has one of my favorite uses of social media, the “If you don’t remember her name in the morning take her to Starbucks” picture. It went up after the clip with the dance chicks. Utterly perfect deployment, Isak posting that right when he’s concerned about seeming straight. All performative, all BS.  

Isak lies to the guys about the party, claiming he’s going home to chill and do washing. Magnus even mentions that there’s a revue party happening but Isak fails to mention that he’s hosting it.

Emma messages Isak after she’s left the pre-drink asking him where he is and later drunk texts him telling him he’s great and wanting to go over and be with him at like 3 a.m. Isak, you dug that hole yourself.

Isak asks Emma how everything went after the neon pre-drink and Emma is like, “Sonja is so cool!” and immediately Isak is all “I have to go now.” Sonja’s awesomeness is not something he wants to hear about in detail.

I didn’t realize but there’s an IG post from Magnus on Friday showing Mahdi hooking up with a girl and Magnus calling himself a third wheel. I didn’t remember Mahdi ever hooking up on screen with anyone so I mean, I’m glad he got some during the show?

I own exactly one Funko Pop (Brienne of Tarth) and I know this would never happen outside of my dreams but I would kill for some Skam Funkos, particularly of the last clip of this episode, with Even’s white T-shirt and neon bandanna and Isak’s pink paint streaks and Illuminati shirt. Complete with Noora for that special cock-blocking authenticity.

This is a total tangent, but I’ve been looking up Baz Luhrmann stuff for these recaps and did you know that there’s a Moulin Rouge stage musical that literally just premiered? As in, yesterday, July 10? Starring Aaron Tveit as Christian? I have left my middle school Moulin Rouge obsession out of these recaps but I’m wondering how a live musical version is going to work. There’s a ton of it that would translate fine but then I feel like a Moulin Rouge without Baz Luhrmann giving you motion sickness with his wild-ass editing and cinematography is missing that special something.

[spoonfulofsexy]

Party Like A Stark

Peter Parker x Stark Reader

Part (4/6)

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3  Part 5  Part 6

Summary: Today is your 19th birthday, and you also happen to be Tony Stark’s loved daughter.  What’s a better way to celebrate this special day than a party?!  All the Avengers and family friends will be there, even your secret crush Spider-Man.  You’ve always wanted to meet the famous spiderling, but little did you know you already know him.  Your party will definitely be one to remember.

Warnings: just some sexual and awkward Peter

Masterlist

AN: Hey guys! Hope you’re enjoying the fic! I’m trying to post everyday but with work coming up I’m not sure if I’ll be able to keep that up the next two days! Ill try my best to write daily! Also I know I still have requests but I only really have time to write one thing, so I’m updating this fic bc it’s popular!  Once I get time I promise I write those requests out!! Thank you again for the notes on this story!!

You tried to speed walk as quietly as you could down the long hall of sleeping quarters.  You bit your lip trying to suppress the smile that came to your face every time you thought about the kiss with Peter.  

Your heart was racing as your shaking hand put in the PIN for your room.  A gasp escaped your lips when your eyes landed on your tired dad sitting on your bed.

“Dad?!”, you whisper shouted as you shut the door behind you.

He lifted his head at your voice since he didn’t hear you come in. “Oh pumpkin, there you are!”

“Dad”, you shook your head in your hand. “What are you doing in my room?”

Tony took a deep breath and sucked in his pride. “I wanted to apologize for embarrassing you in front of the team earlier.”

You looked at your father with sympathy, “Dad, it’s not a big deal.”

“I just don’t want my little girl getting hurt again”, he sighed.  Your body tensed at the memory of what happened in the past.  “I know you’re still upset about it !”

“Dad, of course, I’m still hurt, but I’ve moved on”, you walked over to him and sat on the bed.

~~

Peter couldn’t believe what just happened! Never in a million years would he have expected this to happen to him!  Although, he would be lying if he said he wasn’t nervous about what will happen in your room.  He hasn’t had an experience with a girl yet and he began to worry about embarrassing himself in front of you.  Peter got lost in his thoughts for a few more minutes before he realized that he never got a signal from you.

He looked over the edge of the roof to see if he didn’t hear you open the window, but it was still closed.

“What could be taking her so long?”, he asked himself.  “Maybe I should check on her?” He threw his face into his hands, “No, stupid, what if she’s getting dressed and you invade her privacy.  Then she would never like you.”  Peter began to pace,” But what if she fell and hurt herself, or maybe what if there are bad guys in her room waiting for her!”  His eyebrows rose at the idea of you being ambushed. “Okay, just a look, but only to make sure she’s okay”, he told  himself.

Peter leaned all the way over the ledge and began to crawl down the building.  He took a deep breath before peeking his head only enough for his eyes to show.

He gasped when he saw you sitting there with your dad, “Mr.Stark!”  He placed both hands over his mouth, only to realize there was nothing there to hold him against the wall.  Peter let out a yelp as he dropped 20 feet to the ground.

~~

As you held your dad in a tight embrace your eyes fell onto your window. Then you see the familiar brown eyes emerge into the window frame. Suddenly, Peter just randomly falls past your window making you let out a laugh.

“What?”, Tony pulled out of your arms.

“Uh nothing, I think it’s just my tiredness kicking in”, the words nervously fumbled out of your mouth.

“Oh okay”, your dad said convinced.

You stood up and pulled your father up with you. “You know, I think we should both head off to bed”, you suggested for Peter’s sake. “We can talk about it tomorrow.”

“Okay, that sounds like a good idea actually”, Tony walked along as you dragged him.

You pushed him just a few more feet till he was out of the doorway.  You gave him a quick little smooch on the cheek, “Okay good night dad, thanks for another great birthday party.”

“You’re welcome, princess”, he slowly walked away.

After the door shut, you ran to the window and shouted at Peter who was groaning on the ground. “Peter!”, you shout whispered.

“(Y/N)!”, he said surprised.

“Are you okay”, you couldn’t help but laugh at the memory of him falling.

“Oh yeah, this is nothing”, he sighed as he pushed himself up.  

“Alright, here come up to my room so I can check you just to make sure you’re really okay”, you waved him up and pulled your head back into your room.  

Only a few seconds later Peter hopped into the room.  “Does your dad know anything?”, Peter asked nervously.

You turned your head confused by the question, but then you shook your head when you figured out he was talking about the two of you. “No, he just came to talk to me about something.”  You started poking Peter to see if he had any injuries.  When he laughed instead of groaned in pain, you concluded that he was fine. “Well looks like you’re all together, Spidey.”

“Oh thanks”, Peter breathed after the last tickle.

You distracted yourself with his hoodie and zipped it up a little more before nervously asking, “Do you think we should just save this for another time?”

“Uh”, Peter stammered. “Well, if you want to. It’s okay with me.”  Peter looked down at you to see what you really wanted.

You both made eye contact with each other, drawing your lips together once again.  You pulled away breathless and bit your lip. “I think we should wait.  We’re both tired anyway”, you finally admitted to yourself.

Peter gave you one last kiss before climbing out of the window and making his way to his room.  It was so difficult to sleep that night.  Your heart was always beating fast because you couldn’t stop thinking about Peter.  Eventually, you did drift off to sleep, but it only felt like you slept for a few hours before the sun shining into your room woke you up.

You groaned, still exhausted from all the festivities yesterday.  You tried your best to fall back asleep, but once you heard people talking, you decided to just get up.  

You put your hair up into a messy bun and decided to go out in what you slept in.  

The smell of coffee and bacon made you take a deep breath to take in all the nostalgic scent.  

“Good morning”, you said to Steve and Sam who were sipping on some coffee at the counter.

“Morning, kid”, they both said.  

You pulled your favorite mug out and made some tea. Your hand supported your head as you waited for your tea to steep, but when Peter awkwardly entered the room your head shot up.

Sam snickered and nudged Steve at your not so subtle reaction to Peter.

Peter felt so out of place walking into a room full of Avengers.  He didn’t know what to do with himself until you saved him.  God you looked so cute in your oversized tee and shorts.  How could any girl pull that off so early in the morning?!

“Hey-y (Y/N)”, he managed out.

You grabbed him and brought him over to the counter, “Morning! Would you like some tea or coffee?”

“No, thank you. I don’t drink coffee…. Or tea”, he took a seat at the counter across from the famous Captain America! He hasn’t seen him since the big fight in Berlin.  Peter could feel Sam shooting daggers into him with his stare. Peter awkwardly laughed as he shifted in his chair uncomfortably.

You noticed what was happening so you shooed Sam away. “Would you like some juice, maybe?”, you offered.

“Yes, thank you”, Peter said.

“Is orange juice, okay?”, you pulled the jug out.

“Yeah, that’s good!”

You poured Peter a glass and sipped on some tea next to Steve.

“Are you opening the presents later?”, Steve asked as he read the newspaper.  

“Yeah, once everyone eats some breakfast”, you answered back.

Your dad soon walked into the room rubbing his temples, clearly going through a hangover.  You grabbed his huge mug out, filled it with coffee, and guided him to a seat.

“Here, dad”, you pulled a chair out and placed his coffee onto the glass dining table.

“Thanks, princess”, he took a huge gulp of his drink, and let out a satisfied sigh.

Nat, Scott, and Wanda came out of the kitchen caring huge plates of food.  

“Hey, Peter want some food?”, you walked over to the counter to get your tea.

“Yeah”, he picked up his glass and took a seat across from you.  

Peter kept quiet at the table as everyone took part in the conversation.  You could tell Peter felt uncomfortable being here, and you couldn’t help but feel bad.  

“So Peter how has the crime been in the city since we left?”, you asked trying to get him engaged.

Peter almost choked on his drink as you asked a question targeted at him.  He cleared his throat and put his glass down. “Uh, well it’s been okay.  A lot of stuff has been happening in Hell’s Kitchen, but that’s being taken care of.”

“Oh nice”, you made an impressed face at everyone.

“And don’t you make your own web fluid?”, you asked trying to make everyone like him even more.

“Yupp, I mean yes I do”, Peter corrected himself.

Once you got him warmed up, everyone at the table was asking questions.  Like what was it like wearing a mask, or how does he move in tights, or how he managed to get his powers.  You felt the guilt lift from your shoulders when you saw him relax into his chair.

After breakfast Peter had to leave so you pulled him to the side.

“So thanks for coming to my party”, you smiled.

“It was no problem. It was fun”, he adjusted his backpack on his shoulder.

“So do you have like an instagram or snapchat or anyway I could, maybe talk to you after today?”, you nervously rubbed your arm.

“Yea-ah, here’s my phone if you want to put your number in it.”

You typed in your number and handed your phone to him. “Alright, I’ll text you then?”

“Yeah, I’d like that”, he smiled and you pulled him into one last hug.  

You left him there for your father to walk him out.

Tony came out and put an arm around Peter’s shoulders. “So did you enjoy the party?”, he asked.

“Yes, of course Mr.Stark”, Peter walked with him.

Tony gave him a pleased smile but lowered his sunglasses a little to get a good look at Peter. Peter tried to keep a calm composure as he saw Tony analyze him.  “Did you sleep, alright? You look a little tired?”

“No! I mean yes”, Peter mentally cursed at himself.  All he could think about was being on top of you and moving his lips against your soft, pink ones.  Peter tried to shake the memory out of his head.  “I slept like a baby”, Peter clearly lied.

Tony knew that he was lying, but he didn’t feel like getting into it. Happy pulled up with the car and Tony opened the door for Peter. He thanked Mr.Stark and took a seat in the leather seated car.

Tony leaned against the car and asked Peter, “So ready to join the Avengers yet?”

Peter thought for a second until he admitted, “Not quite, sir.”

“Well it was worth a shot”, Tony closed the door and patted the back of the car.  

As Peter was on his way home he got a text from "Coolest Person You Know”.

You: “So is it too early to text you yet?”

Peter: “No, perfect timing.”

Peter smiled at his phone as he saw the text bubbles pop up.

Tagged:  @elaacreditava​ @harleyquinnandscarletwitch​ @randisnotonfire @theperksofbeingyourmum @redstarstan @mamallama613 @peter-pan-hoe @alexiajmariani @avengersandchill @blueskaikru @wizardinthewrongplace @legendarydazekitten @farfromjustordinary @tomhollandisthicc​ @ur-average-princess​ @kingwolfey​ @jriles124 @superisatomboyuniverse

[magicianparrish]

Who’s That Girl (pt. 1)

So I had this fleeting thought once upon a time that those crazy kids from The Raven Cycle would fit perfectly if I dropped them in L.A. to make a New Girl au. And for some reason, a lot of other people liked the idea, and I took it upon myself to actually write a fic to the idea. Now I have 12 parts posted on my ao3 account. They are broken up into 4 arcs, with 3 chapters dedicated to each arc so far. 

But like I said, this is 12 parts, so I’m not going to be that annoying person who posts all the parts at the same time. They will be queued to post over the rest of this week.  I had a big debate on whether or not to post on here in the first place (it’s been a while since I posted on here). So without further ado, part one of what I like to call Meet the Roommates arc. 

“You found them on Craigslist ?” Adam asked skepticism laced heavily in his tone.

Blue and Adam were sitting on his little couch he had bought at a yard sale for ten dollars, six years ago. In his little one bedroom apartment, there were at least five different portable fans blowing cool air on them at once, as well as the breeze coming through the window.

He took a sip of the iced tea out of his cup. His blue eyes were staring at her, waiting for a response.

Blue groaned in response, leaning back against the arm of the couch and sticking her feet on his lap. She tossed an arm over her face.

“Yes, on Craigslist. When you’re desperate to not sleep on a couch in a one-person apartment, you’ll take pretty much anything.”

Adam just lets out a mmmm as a response, and nothing else. When Blue peeked up from behind her arm, she saw he was on his phone scrolling through something. She had no doubt it was an email of some sort; it was really the only reason he used it, other than calling and texting Blue.

“So how many people are you potentially living with again?” he inquired, not looking up from his screen.

“Three.”

“And they’re all guys?” the skeptic tone came out again in full form.

Adam was nothing if not protective of Blue. And she appreciated it, but she could handle herself thank you very much.

“I’m meeting them tomorrow. They want to see me.”

“If that’s not dubious intentions, I don’t know what is. Do you want me to come with?” he offered.

She flapped her hand in dismissal. Blue knew he was working on a big project for some big wig company he couldn’t afford to skip valuable time on. Especially over something like this.

“I’ll call you after. If I take the offer, then you can come over any time you’d like.”

Adam nodded his head. “And where do they live again?”

“Monmouth Apartments. It’s on the other side of town.”

Adam scoffed, and Blue kicked him in the shin for his troubles and threw a pillow.

Blue had done her research before hand. She might’ve been desperate and dumb enough to look on Craigslist for ads on apartments and potential roommates, but she at least looked up the place before going over.

It was in an okay part of town. Not nearly as shady as where Adam lives, but not a ritzy area like where celebrities live. This is downtown LA, not the Hollywood glam part. Two very distinct areas of the same city.

The area looked large, at least in the pictures. And there was a nice kitchen and living area. Blue didn’t care for room space; she lived in a house that always had at least ten people running around at any given time. Living with people was not the problem, it was who she was living with that could be potential.

When she had trekked up the stairs to apartment 4D, and knocked on the door, the person to answer it was not who she was expecting at all.

The door slammed open, and immediately she was hit with a wave of loud electronic music. The kind that was played at rage parties at college frat houses. The man was extremely tall, and the palest skin she’d ever seen on a person. His ice blue eyes were narrowed and his shaved head was intimidating, and that was before she saw the sleeve of tattoos down his arms and the hooks of one curling on his shoulders and neck. He gave a sneer in greeting.

“What do you want?” he demanded. Even his voice was sharp.

Everything about this guy screamed: Danger! Do not provoke! That was the rational side of Blue speaking. The irrational side told her to not let this guy push her around. And she had the stupid sense to impress him. She got the impression he wasn’t impressed by much.

“ I’m the person who inquired about the new roommate on Craigslist,” she explained. She had to speak loudly over the music.

And eyebrow cocked up and he crossed his arms over his chest. She watched him look her up and down. But unlike when other guys did it, this didn’t feel sexually predatory. He wasn’t emphasizing on her breasts or legs or ass.

He let out a sigh through his nose and whipped around towards the interior of the apartment.

“Dick! We have a guest,” he shouted loudly before stomping back inside.

Blue was unsure if she was invited in, but the door was wide open so she stepped inside after him.

The first thought that came to mind was: holy shit this place is insane. It was a place that seemed to be taken straight out of a TV show. The living room was just as spacious as it looked in the photo she had seen. Light filtered through the panel windows, and there were books scattered everywhere. In the middle of the floor, was a giant model of Los Angeles, which was so absurdly detailed she couldn’t help be impressed.

But it was also a men’s paradise. Pizza boxes were stacked in a corner of the dining table, with some Chinese take out piled on top of that. Beer bottles of fancy imported brands lined the window sills like some messed up stained glass window art. The only thing was the kitchen seemed to be immaculate; not a pot was out of place.

Down the hallway, Blue turned in time to see a giant raven fly out of one of the rooms, low enough to almost hit Blue in the head, and let out a loud KERAH! Blue ducked down out of instinct as the bird flew and perched on one of the dining table seats. The bird seemed to take Blue in, her head cocking side to side. Blue did not know how to take that.

“What the fuck,” she muttered to herself.

She then heard a pair of footsteps and turned back to the hallway. The pale man had disappeared, and instead, it was a much shorter guy, in a bright magenta polo, chino shorts and the most horrific pair of boat shoes Blue had ever seen. He had the face of the All-American Man, the type that would be featured in Republican campaign ads.

He looked startled to see Blue standing in his apartment. But the face soon morphed into a decent smile, with perfect white teeth and dimples to match. Blue hated how attractive she found him.

“Oh, you must be the guest my friend was referring to,” he had an old money accent too. Great.

The raven let out another loud KERAH! The man looked to the bird like it wasn’t a big deal before turning back to Blue. He stuck his hand out to shake. Blue took it warily.  

“ Don’t fret over Chainsaw over there. She’s totally harmless . I’m Gansey, one of the people living in this apartment. And you are?”

Who the hell names a raven Chainsaw? Who the hell even owns a raven as a pet? She thought to herself.

“ Blue Sargent.”

“Welcome! Would you like anything to drink? Or perhaps anything to eat?” he offered already walking to the kitchen.

“Water would be fine.”

“Top shelf!” Blue made a face at that.

Who the hell are these people?

Gansey filled up a glass with the tap water from the sink and handed it over to Blue. Then he gestured with his arm to follow him towards the couch. They both maneuvered carefully through the model of LA and sat just far enough away from each other not to make it weird. She took a sip of her water.

She watched as his face pinched together. He ran his thumb over his bottom lip. Then he looked up at her.

“I must say when I put the ad out for a new roommate, I did not expect to find a woman like yourself the only one to answer the call.”

Blue felt a surge of anger rip through her body. She slammed the glass of water on the little table and glared at Gansey, crossing her arms over her chest.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” she demanded.

Gansey cocked his head to the side, looking like a confused puppy. A moment later he seemed to realize the mistake of his words. He opened his mouth to respond before he was cut off by a loud laugh. Blue whipped around, still angry to see it was pale, tattooed man. He walked out of one of the rooms, with a beer in his hand and threw himself on the couch in between Blue and Gansey.

“Even when you try not to be a misogynistic asshole, you still manage to say misogynistic things. Way to go Dick,” he teased.

Chainsaw the Raven, then flew off her perch and landed in pale, tattooed guy’s lap. He then proceeded to pet her head softly. Gansey looked extremely troubled.

“I apologize for my wording. What I merely meant was that I just expected a man to answer. Given as in the ad I did specifically state it was three men living together.”

Pale, tattooed, man let out another bark of laughter rolling his eyes and taking a sip of beer. “Keep digging that grave.”

Blue decided she liked pale, tattooed guy just a little more.

“Ronan, please,” Gansey pleaded. Blue took just a little pity on him. He looked like a kicked puppy. And she could see it wasn’t ill-intentioned. He was just a little ignorant. And Ronan seemed to keep him in check.

“Yeah, Gansey. It’s twenty-seventeen. Just because we might get a woman suitemate doesn’t mean anything. We can peacefully co-exist!” a new voice came.

From the other side of the room, right next to the kitchen, another guy emerged. He also had pale skin, and he had bleach blonde hair that was stuck underneath a snap back turned backward. He had a Blink-182 t-shirt on and a pair of basketball shorts. When he saw Blue looking at him, he beamed like a puppy and pranced on over and sat next to her. His gray eyes were wide.

“I’m Noah. Nice to meet you! I do hope these two dopes haven’t scared you off.”

The way he seemed to be at ease with life, helped Blue just a little bit. Gansey and Ronan both had very strong, differing personalities that demanded to be shown to the world. Noah was more subtle. He leaned forward towards Blue.

“Your hair is so fluffy, can I feel it?” he asked.

Blue had to re-think her last thought regarding Noah. But in a weird way, he reminded her of a little puppy. He was completely harmless, so she nodded her consent. A soft hand petted her hair and Noah’s face lit up like a kid on Christmas. He only did it for a few seconds before sitting back on the couch.

Gansey and Ronan just looked at the interaction with their eyebrows raised. Gansey cleared his throat.

“So, Blue, what do you do?” he wondered.

“I work for a non-for-profit regarding environmental issues,” she responded. Gansey nodded like it was the most interesting thing he’s ever heard.

“Most interesting Blue Sargent. Do you still want to live here with us? I do promise it isn’t quite as bad as this first impression might have been to you. Rent will be not a problem as we split it.”

Blue heavily considered her options. It was either continuing to live on Adam’s couch in his apartment, or take her chances and live in a nice, lofty apartment, with some quirky guys in a nicer part of town. She’d take the gamble.

“Yeah, I’ll bite. Where do I sign?”

[theteablogger]

Andy’s Instagram

I said in my "I'm back" post that Andy is still engaged in some of his old behavior patterns on his Instagram. He said last fall on Facebook that he has "no real interest in maintaining the big public persona fandom thing," but that was and is obviously not the case. Here is a run-down, with screenshots in case he deletes things. Other people's faces and usernames will be censored and comments will only be included if they're relevant in some way.

Overidentification with a fictional character

This is the most obvious element of Andy's Instagram behavior: the majority of his photos concern or are linked to Bucky and the MCU in some way. Until very recently, if he wasn't actually in costume for the photo, his comment would talk about how much his hair looks like Bucky's, he'd refer to himself as Bucky, or Bucky would appear in the tags. To some extent, this is normal for cosplayers on Instagram and other social media platforms; however, given Andy's history, it seems like a terrible idea for him to engage in this sort of behavior.

Remember, this is the guy who verbally, emotionally, psychologically, sexually, and otherwise abused a number of people for years and tried to excuse his actions by claiming that his mental illness/es had caused him to believe, among other things, that he was the embodiment of various fictional characters and some real people, and/or was in contact with them as they existed in parallel universes, and that everything he did was necessary to save the world. Only four years ago, he said that he'd been writing something from Neville Longbottom's point of view and suddenly started to see and hear this fictional character in the room with him. Within the last three years, he was explicitly tying in Destiel with his relationship with Brittany in SPN meta posts. Just last year, he was claiming to have very specific sense-memories of New York in the 1920s and '30s, but lampshaded it by saying that he probably picked up some information during "the gap-filled years", which he felt made him even more like Bucky. This was around the same time that he started talking about how his hair had mysteriously changed color all on its own to look exactly like Bucky's, much as it changed when he "became" Elijah Wood and Orlando Bloom.

As I and others have said time and again, if Andy honestly believes that he did horrible things to people due to mental illness making him unable to differentiate fantasy from reality, why would he ever engage in behavior that risks triggering an event like that again?

Here are just a few examples:

#buckyhair and #buckywiththegoodhair come up a lot.

Andy’s hair just naturally looks like Bucky’s. Yup.

Of course a fictional character's training has any bearing at all on Andy's real-life abilities.

This post has nothing whatsoever to do with Bucky, but note the hashtag.

I find it very hard to believe that Andy's really been planning this tattoo for years and that it has nothing to do with Bucky. I guess we’re supposed to believe that it’s a huge coincidence that the current design and his future plans for it coincide so well with the placement of Bucky’s metal arm. Without explicitly saying so, he offers this as evidence of how he’s “so connected to Bucky”.

Yes, Andy himself is a superhero.

Again, there is no actual Bucky in this post.

Here, Andy over-dramatizes his actions while being hit by a car to make it seem as if he responded in much the same way that a highly trained supersoldier would. Someone replies, "You are literally Bucky oh my god are you okay??"

Andy also says on his Instagram that his Bucky cosplay has motivated him, more than anything has before, to work out and to get in better shape. While this is a good goal to have, it's worth noting that talk of/promises to change lives for and by means of fandom (and characters that Andy channeled or embodied) was a major component of the BagEnders and DAYD cults. In the latter case, getting into better physical shape was part of it, with “Dumbledore’s Boot Camp” and the cross-country hikes.

Tying fandom in to real-life politics and world affairs

This was also posted on tumblr. The text is a paraphrased quotation from The Avengers, from the scene in which Captain America saves the life of an elderly German man (by implication a survivor of the Nazi regime) who is the only one brave enough to stand up to Loki.

Andy is hardly the first person to conflate being a slash fan with political or social activism, but considering his history, this gets an extra hard eyeroll from me. People's lives are at stake due to LGBTQIA persecution in Russia, so naturally it's an extremely emotionally charged issue, and Andy is right there to take advantage of that. He also talks about learning Russian, supposedly for career reasons, although people on tf-talk have pointed out that the Russian film system is closed to outsiders, the field is rather crowded in Eastern Europe, and oddly enough, people in countries that are not Russia tend to speak primarily non-Russian languages. (A Russian class did not appear on Andy's Spring 2017 transcript, so he only took it for one semester, if at all.)

I also notice that he says he's "about to learn a lot about Russian time zones", as if he's never had a Russian friend before. One of the women that he emotionally manipulated via tumblr and Skype is Russian and lives in Russia.

This is not the only post of Andy as Bucky wearing a POW/MIA shirt as part of his cosplay and using hashtags like #honorourvets and #powmia. If he really wanted to honor military personnel, a minority group, etc., he wouldn't use them as props to draw more attention to himself.

Another post about cosplay and slash fandom as a form of activism. What a shame that his cosplay partner puts his real-life relationship ahead of "being a tree by the river of truth", and that his fiancée puts her discomfort with "anybody else gettin' their hands on her man" (as Andy says in the video) ahead of their great chemistry. [/sarcasm]

Andy has repeatedly made passive-aggressive comments about this man's being unwilling to do Stucky photos because of his and his fiancée's boundaries. I didn't think much of it until I noticed that a comment giving Andy kudos for showing respect had been met with pontification about how he would really love to be able to do Stucky photos, but "real life romances come first" and he wouldn't want to do a Stucky shoot with a "stunty, stilted, or no-homo vibe".

I also think the way he refers to his "wonderfully devoted fan following" in Russia speaks volumes about how he thinks of them. Everyone is just a means to an end, and usually that end is narcissistic supply.

Here's some post-election political Bucky art. Run through Google Translate, the caption reads (bolding mine):

I'm sorry that my Russian is bad, small and new. I'm grieving for America tonight. I do not believe in religion. I believe in God. I do not think I found this place by accident. Here I learned that a place can have bad leaders, bad laws and good, strong, kind people. It's Russia. Now it will be America too. I hope we can change and have good leaders and good laws.

He continues to portray himself as wise, compassionate, and haunted by the fact that the rest of the world is not equally so. This also continues his old pattern of imparting mystical significance to his participation in a fandom.

Using superhero imagery "to highlight the problems faced by real world vets" on Veterans Day seemed disrespectful to Andy…so instead, he posted a picture of Cap and an apology to veterans for Trump's having been elected. Because that's completely different.

International Women’s Day. See previous point about his use of people and issues as attention-getting devices.

Courting younger, politically-minded people with condescension and a hefty dose of misinformation

Here are just a couple of Andy's posts about the 2016 presidential election:

I can't even tell you how many times Andy made tumblr posts inviting random strangers to his (his parents') house to hang out and have fun; this is the same old story from another angle. Anything to lure new people into his influence. (This video is incredibly condescending, by the way.)

This (part 2) (part 3) is the Instagram version of this misleading tumblr post. I'm going to go ahead and admit that this and several other tf-talk comments about his BS surrounding the election were from me because I was incredibly angry about Andy's once again taking advantage of people's completely justified fears about a volatile situation.

See also this brief but masterful takedown of his "shh everything will be fine" tumblr post after the election.

Here's a completely unironic post (part 2) (part 3) about how back in the day, only intelligent, right-thinking people had the ability to share their opinions with large numbers and wide ranges of people—but now any jackass pleb can get on the internet and spin anything in any way that they want, to reach any nefarious end. "Credentialed experts, not Instagram gurus. Data, not anecdotes." There he is again, hiding in plain sight.

Talking about how poor he is

It mainly takes the form of the usual posts about doing or making XYZ impressive thing on a shoestring budget because Andy Is Wise and Resourceful, but there's also this (part 2).

Stupid art school! Not only do they expect Andy to take art classes instead of just accepting that he is The Most Talented; they also expect him to purchase supplies! Thus he can no longer attend VA ComicCon…unless his friend knows "a magic money tree or a way to get free tickets." One or the other must have materialized, because he made it to the con anyway. Obviously Andy's friends are free to pay for things for him if they want to, but remember that he has a history of lying or "bending the truth" to get money out of people.

Making and endorsing extremely poor decisions

Yes, he says that he only had one Oxy with his giant tumblr (sic) of wine. That doesn't matter. It's unwise to mix any amount of opiates with alcohol, and equally unwise to discuss it publicly, especially given his tendency to encourage much younger people to regard him as some sort of font of wisdom and life advice.

This is how Andy achieves the one-armed Bucky look. Yes, a lot of people can pop their shoulders in and out of joint at will, but it's a bad idea, especially given the amount of time that he spends with it in this condition.

I spoke with the same doctor whom I consulted about the horrific binding injury that Andy claimed to have sustained. They said that repeatedly dislocating one's shoulder is very likely to cause instability of the joint, which can be debilitating (and quite dangerous, I would think, if his shoulder went out while lifting weights or something). Additionally, every time his shoulder is popped out and reset, Andy risks incurring torn muscles and stretched or torn ligaments/tendons, a trapped nerve, and vessel damage. Some of these effects become increasingly likely the longer it's out of joint. Andy, if you happen to read this, please stop doing this stupid thing. I may not like you, but I don't want you to injure yourself, for fuck's sake. And please stop instructing other cosplayers in how to accomplish dangerous things for the sake of a costume.

I have no idea whether Andy was checked out by medical personnel after he was hit by the car. I hope so. It's the #noexcuses tag that really gets to me. Attention, everyone: never, ever assume that you are 100% okay to engage in strenuous physical activity after an incident like being hit by a fucking car. It doesn't matter how slowly it was moving at the time. Without a thorough physical examination, you cannot be sure that you haven't sustained a non-apparent injury that will cause trouble later. Something like this is absolutely a valid reason not to go to the gym the next day, as intense cardio or weight training may exacerbate damage of which you are not yet aware. This post of his is incredibly irresponsible.

Promoting DAYD

Last October, in a post that featured photos of the GoT feast, Andy referred to DAYD as "a fairly popular HP companion novel", as if it were the HP equivalent to the Star Trek novels rather than a fanwork.

Andy continues to urge new people to check out the fan novel that he used as the basis for the second cult of personality in which he manipulated and took advantage of a great many people. (Also, DAYD got a neutral, one-line mention in an Atlantic Monthly article alongside Harry Potter and the Methods of Rationality, but okay.)

He is so hoping that someone will ask about that tattoo.

Grooming female companions

I'm not sure what other word to use for Andy’s relationship with this person, as public information about it is limited to what appeared on Instagram. Please understand that I am not judging her at all and do not wish to identify her in any way. Considering Andy's behavior with Abbey, Brittany, L, Silven, and others among his female friends/followers, I think it's important to talk about it.

This is the first overtly romantic cosplay picture that Andy has posted in MCU fandom. His cosplay partner’s comments are very telling:

It really was the best day for me. … I love you my handsome cosboyfriend you seriously are my best friend my love and I truly believe my partner I know when you call me "your" Natalia that I am loved and care for more than I could ever imagine. I love you

If this person is roleplaying as Natasha, it makes no sense to refer to Bucky as her "cosboyfriend". She is talking about Andy. Whatever is going on here is pretty fucking intense. And given his proclivity for redheads, it is not lost on me that he has selected a character who’s had a canonical relationship with a red-haired woman in the past, giving him an excuse to act out scenes like this.

Here is a romantic photoset of Andy with the same woman, to whom he now refers as "the cosgirlfriend". She replies,

I love you my beautiful cosboyfriend … By the way you owe me roses now … [you're] the beauty im the beast

A commenter asks whether this is "canon, or just two beautiful people being beautiful together," wondering whether Andy and this fellow cosplayer are an IRL couple. Andy neatly dodges the question by referring to the comics.

Andy's "cosgirlfriend" has also called him gorgeous, left a suggestive comment on one of his bathbomb photos, talked about missing him/his face, and referred to him as "baby" and "dear". All of her comments were left within ten days, and of course Andy didn’t respond publicly to any of them. In my opinion based on what Andy has done many times over, the little information that I have (not all of which I am comfortable sharing) suggests that this may have been another situation in which he love-bombed a woman and quickly established what she felt was a very close, deep relationship with romantic possibilities, and then backed off just as quickly. As of 5/30, Andy had taken down the first picture of the two of them and she'd asked for the second to be removed as well. He did so earlier this month. I have not attempted to contact this person, as I feel that would be crossing a line, but I'm guessing that she requested their removal because she’d received negative attention and/or warnings about Andy.

Miscellaneous

I will not share screenshots of these, but Andy has posted several pictures of himself with young children. He loves kids, perhaps in part because they tend to be so much more credulous than adults and they make great attention-getting props. In one notable instance, he posted a picture and video of a little boy from Romania, who he said was a huge Captain America fan who'd love to hear from Sebastian Stan. Andy and some of his friends tagged the actor several times in the posts and comments. All the boy talked about in the video was his Pokemon fan creations, while Andy tried hard to drag the conversation around to Cap and Bucky. The picture that he posted was also Pokemon-related, as was a later image of a drawing the child had made. It seems likely, given his past behavior, that Andy is using this child (who may or may not be interested in Marvel characters at all) to gain the attention of the actor who plays the character around whom his life currently revolves.

Andy has consistently referred to the kittens as "our babies" for a couple months now, which is understandable because he lives with them, but also makes me nervous because of his history with the rabbit, the mouse, and Boo.

He recently shared a picture of himself with a very good Seven of Nine cosplayer and called back to his days in the Star Trek: Voyager fandom. Reminding people of the first time that you lied your ass off to a fandom for attention is probably not a great idea, Andy.

Here he is using another flimsy excuse to humblebrag about his alleged genius IQ, which he's been doing from the very beginning. Andy never changes.

Andy also now has a Patreon on which he is offering a tutorial for Bucky’s metal arm. Someone at tf-talk has noted that his bio includes a different origin story for his costuming interest than he gave in Viva La Cosplay. Then, he wanted to appear charmingly naïve and to make his work look more impressive by claiming a lack of experience. Now, he wants to look super legit to attract more patrons.

The higher reward tier includes a 20-minute [Facebook] messenger session for Q&A and for Andy to talk the patron through customizing the arm for themselves. A) Facebook’s policies mean that a lot of people will have to give Andy their RL names for this...which is one reason that he likes using Facebook. B) That doesn’t seem like very much time to go over customization. Would any cosplayers like to weigh in on this?

[gawayne-replies]

91 Questions

Oh lord. Thank you @selkatha​ for tagging me in this!

THE LAST – 1. Drink: Water
 2. Phone call: My dad trying to get me to fix the internet 3. Text message: "'A tomato was a foodstuff that could be thrown.'" (a quote from Wookieepedia) 4. Song I listened to: "The Battle Of Gall" by Joel McNeely 5. Time you cried: Monday at 4 am, reading the Kanan comic

HAVE YOU EVER –
 6. Dated someone twice: No
 7. Been cheated on: No 8. Kissed someone and regretted it: I guess but not really in the way you're thinking 9. Lost someone special: Not really 10. Been depressed: Always 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: No

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS –
 12. Vantablack 13. Regular black 14. Dark red

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU –
 15. Made new friends: I guess, sorta? 16. Fallen out of love: I’ve never fallen in love so that would be difficult 17. Laughed until you cried: About once a week in math class 18. Found out someone was talking about you: Yeah, but in a pretty neutral way 19. Met someone who changed you: I started watching Rebels. So yes 20. Found out who your true friends were: Sure, I suppose

MORE – 
 21. Kissed someone on your facebook? Don't have a Facebook, would never kiss someone who has a Facebook 22. How many of your facebook friends do you know in real life? None, don't have Facebook 23. Do you have any pets? Two cats, Leeloo (mine) and Snowpaw (my sister's) 24. Do you want to change your name? Yeah, I guess, idk 25. What did you do on your last birthday? Literally nothing 26. What time did you wake up? 12:30 pm 27. What were you doing at midnight? "Writing" 28. Name something you can’t wait for: Bubble tea 29. When was the last time you saw your mother? Like two hours ago 30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? No more mental illness 31. What are you listening to right now? The Office 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom? Probably? 33. Something that is getting on your nerves? The stupid post I have to do on my other blog 34. Most visited site: Either this one or Wookieepedia

SCHOOL – 
 35. Elementary: Alternating years of Good and Hell. So much fuckin snow like that's my clearest memory. So much snow. A mostly-functional education system, that was nice. I went to like five different schools and each had something worth talking about but that'll take too long. (One of them practiced paganism, as it turns out). I moved in the middle of it. Just a very dense time in my life. Too much happened. 36. Middle: Mostly blank. I remember like three things and the rest is a blur of anxiety and dissociation. This is about when I realized that teachers don't actually know stuff, especially if you choose to hire teachers who don't know stuff. 37. High: So far, dislikeable. About half my teachers hate me cause I never do work and the others think I'm a model student (hint: no). I never have to take gym again, though, so naturally I replaced it with philosophy. I can now tell you exactly when the sun rises every morning, thanks J-block band. The third floor became gay this year. 38. College: I'm thinking Waterloo right now, but who knows I might just die instead? I'll probably study either chemistry, astrophysics, writing or music, or philosophy or maths. Who knows?

ME – 
 39. Hair color: Pink, but it'll be mint by next week 40. Long or short hair? Quite short 41. Do you have a crush on someone? Never 42. What do you like about yourself? About half my brain 43. Piercings? Just ears 44. Blood type: AB+ I think 45. Nickname: Occasionally Sherlock, but I mostly get called Daddy Binks these days (or Long Beef Binks, or Daddy Long Beef) (don't ask, you don't want to know). Some people call me Obi on occasion, which doesn't actually come from Obi-Wan as one would expect 46. Relationship status: Single 47. Zodiac sign: Virgo 48. Pronouns: I use she/her but I honestly don't care, as I recently found out 49. Favorite TV show(s): Brooklyn 99, Rebels, Clone Wars, Arrested Development, Parks & Rec 50. Tattoos: Nope 51. Right, ambidextrous, or left-handed? Right-handed

FIRST – 
 52. Surgery: Nope 53. Piercing: Ears 54. Sport: Climbing, since I was 3 55. Vacation: Texas? That wasn't really a vacation per say but we never go on vacation 56. Pair of trainers: Well I'm sure I had one, probably, but what does this want? They were probably blue?

CURRENT – 
 57. Eating: Nothing 58. Drinking: Nothing
 59. I’m about to: Eat, practice, work on stuff 60. Listening to: The Office

FUTURE – 
 61. Waiting for: Death. Or bubble tea 62. Want: Bubble tea, and death 63. Married: Nah 64. Career: Idfk. Either something to do with space, something to do with science, both, something to do with writing or something to do with music.

YOUR TYPE – 
 65. Hugs or kisses? Hugs, but those are also generally bad 66. Lips or eyes? Eyes. Unless the lips are playing something really cool 67. Shorter or taller? Idc 68. Older or younger? Romantically, I'm guessing? My age would be better? 69. Nice arms or nice stomach? I don't give a shit 70. Sensitive or loud? Sensitive, I guess. Just not loud 71. Hook-up or relationship? Neither, preferrably 72. Troublemaker or hesitant? Hesitant 73. Kissed a stranger? Depends on your definition of stranger 74. Drank hard liquor? Nope, so far I only like white wine 75. Lost contact lenses/glasses? Don't have them 76. Turned someone down? I don't think so. If I have I can't remember 77. Sex on first date? Nah 78. Broken someone’s heart? Doubt it 79. Had your heart broken? Not romantically 80. Been arrested? No 81. Cried when someone died? All the Jedi at the end of ROTS. Jacen Solo. Chewie. And my dog. That should have gone first, I'm thinking. 82. Fallen for a friend? Nah

DO YOU BELIEVE IN – 
 83. Yourself? Only at 5:30 in the morning
 84. Miracles? Not really 85. Love at first sight? No 86. Santa Claus? No
 87. Kiss on first date? Sure, whatever 88. Angels? No

OTHER – 
 89. Current best friend’s name: Holly 90. Eye color: Blue/grey 91. Favorite movie: Rogue One, ROTS, Planet of the Apes, Megamind, Star Trek: Beyond

Alright, I'm gonna tag @kenobi-and-barnes, @classy-mantis-shrimp, @crazy-tracyn, @freya-emrys, and anyone else who wants to (seriously you can if you want, I just can't think of people rn).

[iisthisurltakenyetuniverse-blog]

not going to be using this for too much anymore, but eh

Not sure who is reading this, I'm trying to prevent an audience of people that do know me, or whatever. i don't really care right now. 

i feel like i have so much to say, but not enough time or energy to say it.  you see, I'm suffering from Depression. i can't get out of bed. I cant eat, and I cry all the time.  my fiancé is an alcoholic. we have a 3mo daughter. He is the sole reason I have depression. This post is going to be my closure. I will not come back to it once i OFFICIALLY leave him. Every night, he drinks and drinks, then he picks up the baby, screams for me, and tell me ‘I can't hold her. I'm too drunk’ 

this isn't the first time, and I know it won't be the last until I leave him for good. I hate him. i truly, honestly, deeply hate him. I haven't loved him since i hit the 3rd month of my pregnancy, when he beat me, and i won't ever love anybody again. 

He is definitely the root of my problems, and i know how bad that sounds, but its true. He has thrown my cell phone and my wallet off of our 8th floor balcony because I did not have weed for him, nor would he wake up for work on time. I will post photos as well.  When I went to retrieve my items (what was left of them anyway); my phone was completely gone. and with it, the evidence that would have saved me and bring me to a safer life. I don't want him. i can't have him in my life.  He has repeatedly thrown me around. His mother would take his side, stating ‘you're crazy.’ meanwhile, she forced me to live in an apartment that i cannot afford, and to have me on the lease (Im listed as occupant, so I legally have no rights over her, i just can't get in shit with the landlord or whatever. source: http://ontariolandlordandtenantlaw.blogspot.ca/2013/04/my-roommate-abandoned-me.html?m=1) I remember one day; i think it was july or august, i don't know right now. I came home from my job at a collections office, to him dead asleep and an empty vodka bottle on the living room table, and in the bathroom on the sink. (i don't know what a mickey is, but he had one 750ml bottle, and one 250mL.) He works at 700PM and i know he has to leave for 630. so I wake him up at 5:45 to 6. I get home on fridays at 5pm, so i don't exactly have much time to do anything for myself, and we were also well aware of the pregnancy and how far along i was (8 weeks or so. I know it wasn't 12 yet because I did not want to tell anybody besides him yet)  So, here I am. 93lbs of me trying to wake him up. he keeps shoving me away and telling me to fuck off. no, wake up and go to work. he wouldn't. so whatever. i tried, he can go in late like he usually does.  at 620, his phone rings. I dont know who it is, and I don't care. I was in the living room having my tea and reading articles on my phone when he rips the bedroom door apart, screams at me for not waking him up, and demanding I give him weed. right. now.  i DID NOT have any on me, nor was I supposed to. I was pregnant and I was trying to kick the habit. he started screaming, yelling, throwing everything around the room and apartment screaming that ‘I need my fix. you hid some. where is it?’ keep in mind, this was well past 630 i TOLD HIM repeatedly, i DO NOT have any. and i started to record evidence on my phone in the form of a voice recording (incase it goes to court.) He notices that it made a sound, ran to the corner I was in, picked up my phone (which had my ID and my debit card in the case.) threatened to throw it out the balcony if i was recording. i said no. its mine give it back.  So he proceeds to run to the balcony, and chuck it over. (my girlfriend happened to be downstairs at the time and picked it up for me. She recognized my case and gave it back when i ran to grab it. i HAVE included photos of the phone on the next post. it wouldn't let me here for some reason) Before I am able to run downstairs, he proceeds to lift me up, throw me on the ground, and sit on my neck until I promise to ‘stop being a stupid little bitch causing unnecessary drama.’ this whole time i was pinned, I was screaming for help. anybody. just somebody to hear me rasping my voice and losing consciousness from a 288lb male sitting on my neck. Knowing time was going to run out, I had to warn him. ‘if you do not get off of me i will bite you until you let go, and I will not stop until you do.’ he, did not take the chance to believe me, and proceeded to scream as i bit down. He did not let go of my head. He decided to place a call to my parents to let them know what i did. the conversation followed: (from what i could hear, remember, i have no phone anymore.) Crazy Male I reside with: your daughter bit me, and you need to pick her up and take her to a mental hospital. My father: Can you tell me why she bit you? I can't punish my daughter if I don't know why she would randomly bite you. she's not an animal.  CM: She bit me and I'm bleeding. come pick her up. Dad: Why did she bite you? Answer me. CM: She bit me! you need to come get her! anyway so my parents never found out, and still don't know what happened. I will probably show them this post one day when I’m comfortable with accepting this. I am writing this so I could finally have some closure from this relationship. he has thrown and broken countless things of mine, from makeup being whipped at a wall for it to explode, to my handbag being thrown out a window and the front door in the wind. not once, has he ever owned up to these, nor apologized. 

The next day, he was bruised in the spot where i bit him, and demanded that everybody knew ‘I was a crazy psychotic bitch.’ even my parents didn't believe him. They knew something was up. Anyway, I stayed in the apartment, actually, I'm writing this in the apartment with my daughter in her swing, and him smoking his life away. 

anyway, after that episode, he kicked me in the abdomen twice, he threw his phone at me, and told me ‘When I come back, i don't ever want to see you again.’ okay, great. same page. bonus.  So the mall closes at 9, its almost 8now. I had to sprint to the mall phone kiosk and ask them to charge me for another one. I was in tears and covered in dirt and whatever was on the floor. the man was quick to help me get set up and sent me on my way with ‘good luck’. I think he was sincere. he smiles when he sees me at the mall., but I'm sure anybody would if they showed up crying hysterically with shards of glass instead of a phone.  so that was it. for that story. I had a new iPhone and was able to contact my ‘seven cups of tea’ lady. She recommended I do what you readers are saying, leave him and call the police. but i just couldn't do it. I know how that sounds, but I couldn't. do it. 

my girlfriend, Lauren, (she plays a HUGE role in my safety and mental health, ill explain her too as this goes on) was always willing to get here and force me out. her boyfriend, Brian, just got a new SUV and they could handle me and my items in one trip. I just couldn't. leave. as bad as i wanted to. i couldn't.  So I always ended up lying to her, to make her not feel like she's bothering me. but i knew she cared. she never. ever stopped caring about me and my baby. To her, my daughter was the child she could not have yet, but she did everything she possibly could, organized people to talk to me, and help. i still said no. The next day at work, I showed up with a bruised face, and lied through my teeth. to my manager, my supervisor, HR, and my best friend. They didn't know until after anyway, the week after the episode, it started again. this time, I happened to still be in the office at work, as it was my late night, I finished at 730 and got home at 8 as my dad gave me a ride home twice a week. at around 6pm, he started calling my cell phone. I know he won't call my work unless is an emergency, so i ignored it. then he texted me. he asked me where the weed was. I told him I did not have any, again.  He asked me again, stating I have it hidden somewhere. I told him, no. (the truth) and not to bother me at work. I turned my phone off. I didn't need to be distracted at work. when i finished, and turned my phone on, i had texts from him that were extremely verbally abusive. and sent me a text saying ‘clean the mess up.’ I had no idea what he meant, and he would not answer my texts or my call.  I get home, and theres nothing out of the ordinary. theres a plate in the sink and his liquor bottles on the table, but nothing that I'm not used to.  So I go to the hallway, and on the bedroom door, it says ‘fuck you, idiot loser.’ so I cry and can't hold myself up, so I fall to the ground. i had NO idea what to expect. I opened the bedroom door, and all my clothes, all my makeup, even my metal laundry hamper, was warped. my clothes were ripped (my favourite articles,anyway), my laundry bin (it was three bag things that are held up by a metal pole frame) was completely taken apart and warped. metal everywhere,and all over the apartment.  he broke the only laundry basket we had, tore it into hard plastic shreds, and the bed was flipped over. I cleaned up what I could, turned my phone off,and just bawled my eyes out in the baby room. Im not sure when I fell asleep, but I was teary when I woke up for work the next day. 

on many other occasions, when I've tried to protect myself from his rage and anger, i would run to the nursery and lock the door behind me. We have rips in the wood from him trying to break it in and hurt me.  He has raped me numerous times, forcing me to take it ‘in the ass’ as I'm screaming for no and to get off of me.  Lauren passed away on October 10th, 2016. She was in a car accident with her boyfriend and sister.  I know she would not be proud of me still being here with him, but i now she's happy that I am raising my daughter to be a strong little girl. May she rest in complete peace, I love you. 

I have to get off this computer now, he's demanding i get off. I have a lot more to tell,I promise, I need to get this out of my mind and on paper so i can move on. 

I'm still with him, but these are my last days. His mother is threatening to evict me by not paying rent (i don't have any money, and i never made enough to pay half plus my bus passes and groceries and hydro. I've had to change phone companies 6+ times because they (his mother and him) take all my money and then cry that they don't have enough and want more. did i mention, he has been a no-show at work for the past 3 shifts? did i mention that while I was throwing up from the pregnancy, he screamed and told me to ‘shut the fuck up.’ when i was diagnosed with hyperemesis gavidarum? please help me. because i can't help myself.  and i really really want the help.