#once she hit me with the 'I can't keep suffering for your choices' when I told her I needed time cause I felt bad

[billlydear]

Hi! This is kinda a heavy topic so feel free to skip if you’re not comfortable! Could you possibly do a writing of how Billy would react to his usually stoic and strong s/o going though something really upsetting and crying to him? I recently lost a loved one so I could use some comfort :( and Billy looks like he gives good hugs.

ROLE REVERSAL - BILLY HARGROVE X READER

W.C 1035 - REQUEST - MASTERLIST - CREDIT TO GIF OWNER

i'm so sorry for your loss, i hope that this is able to help, and if there's anything else i can do to cheer you up, please let me know <3

It's not typical for you to show up at Billy's door crying. Usually it's the other way around, tears gathering in his bruised eyes threatening to slip down his stinging cheeks, waiting in the safety of his saddened gaze until he's in the sanctuary that your embrace has to offer.

He's so familiar with this routine, get hit, fall down, get up, go home, cry, that when it's reversed, when his home comes to him crying, his stomach twists with an uncomfortable feeling.

He meets you on the doorstep, though not because he's afraid of Neil seeing you. The couple is out for the weekend, and Max was supposed to be asleep hours ago, though Billy has a sneaking suspicion she's still up.

It was no trick of the light, there are tears on your cheeks. Something prickles in his chest, hot, angry, sharp, but you butt your head against his front and his heart steps forwards to block it from hurting you. Instead you meet the soft material of his fleece jacket, something that he'll never admit to sleeping in in front of his friends.

"Y/N," He wraps his arms around you by instinct, and you cling to him, so he knows he made the right choice. Your chest is convulsing with sobs he doesn't know the cause of, and every second that he sits there and lets you suffer makes his teeth clench.

"Angel," He keeps his voice low and sweet for the amount of anger brewing inside of him, tilting your chin up with his fingers hooked beneath it, "What happened? Who did this to you?"

Billy sees tears on your cheeks and wants to fight. He knows fighting means crying, and if he can fight back for once in his life, then you won't cry anymore. But you shake your head vehemently, face smearing against his chest and leaving dark tearstains where your eyes rest.

"Talk to me," He pleads, and he probably sounds more brash than he wants to. He's just desperate, he can't fix things if he doesn't know what's wrong.

The second you're able to breathe long enough to stammer out that he can't fight death, his entire body stiffens. He feels it from his head to his toes, the aching realization that he can't fix this. You're going to cry, you're going to hurt, you're going to suffer, and he can't stop it, he can't fix it.

Your sobs are loud and they gush from you in waterfalls, so it's no surprise when Max pokes her head out of the front door, a nervous frown on her face. He knew she wasn't sleeping.

"Y/N?" She starts, but Billy shakes his head.

"Not now," He mumbles, tilting his head back inside, "Go get her a jacket from my closet. And- and brew some of your mom's tea shit!"

When Max follows his directions, only willingly because they're for you, he turns back to you.

"Let's go inside," He prompts you, hunching down to catch beneath your bum, lifting you up slightly to haul you over the threshold. On a typical day, he'd give your ass a cheeky squeeze, but he doesn't think it would be very considerate now.

You seem content to stay buried in his chest the entire walk to the couch, however awkward the shuffle is. When he finally gets onto the couch you're on top of him already, his back sinking against the cushions while you dig your knees into his hips. He keeps you as close as possible, rubbing up and down your back the way you do when he comes through your window at night.

He tries parroting the sweet nothings that you whisper into his ear during those late-night tear-filled meetups, and the more he croons to you, the more natural his words become.

'You're safe,' and 'You can cry,' turn into, 'I'm sorry, angel.' and 'Breathe, baby'. One that stays the same is, 'It'll get better,' and he takes solace in the fact that you won't be sad forever. He knows you need to be sad now, though, so he clenches his teeth and accepts that he can't fix this.

When Max comes back with his hoodie and your mug of tea you thank her tearily, but Billy knows you don't want to sob around her, so he sends her back to bed. He does it politely, though, because he knows she's evading sleep to care about you, not to get on his nerves.

"Careful," Billy murmurs, watching your hands shake as they grip your tea. He cups his large hand underneath the mug to hold it steady, and a gulp of the steamy liquid sends a shiver down your spine. He scratches it away, smoothing hair away from your face where it's been stuck there with tears.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" He tries, careful not to prod where you don't want to be pushed. You blink quickly, teary eyes focused on his chest rather than his face, and he lets you avoid eye contact.

"No," You breathe, scrunching your eyes shut when fresh tears bud at their borders, "No, I just- I just want to.. sit. And cry."

"Okay," He nods, his curls bouncing around his head, freshly washed and formed, "Okay angel. Crying is.. good."

He echoes your vehement sentiments that he hears when he lets himself break down, your encouragements to get it out of his system when it tries escaping instead of holding it prisoner. Because if you don't cry now, you'll just cry more later.

"Yeah," You sniffle, nodding, and though it doesn't make you smile, the familiarity of the words BIlly reassures you with is comforting, "Yeah, crying is good."

"One more sip," He murmurs, tipping the mug back up to your mouth. You gulp down another mouthful, then he sets it on the table.

"Okay, angel." He rubs his hands against your back once more, tucking his chin down so that his cheek meets the crown of your head, "Let it out." He turns to kiss your head, tucking his nose against it and speaking into your scalp as he tugs you closer to him, "Cry, baby, I've got you."

[chattemagique]

yan!Tendou has his own way of curing your low self-esteem

summary: yan! Tendou fucks you in front of the broken mirror, after hearing you talking bad about your appearance, to show how pretty you are.

author's note: was going thru my notes and damn, I can actually write, so posting this for you guys, a bit (lot) personal self-insert, hope y'all can enjoy too, but it would be much better if you couldn't relate. anyways, peace and love 🫶🏻🕊️💞

pic from ブリテッリ @BRTRmilk_ on Twitter

tw: mentions of self-harm, body dysmorphia, low self-esteem, rejection trauma, self-hatred, non-con, skin carving.

all characters are 18+

minors dni

Life with Tendou Satori was bombastic(side eye, m sorry guys😭), you never knew when he's going to "explode" and affect you. He was as unpredictable as he was on the playground. As it usually happens when people are living together, they start to unintentionally pick up each other's behavioral patterns. You became as explosive and as unpredictable as him. Of course, it can't be denied that three months here, with him, after kidnapping weren't also great for your mental health, which led to the weakening of your psyche.

It's not like you've ever loved or liked yourself. You couldn't even understand why this whole thing happened to you, since you weren't even that pretty, not really wise too. You'd probably consider yourself as one of the last choice. So there were many other more beautiful girls around, why out of all people YOU???Dysmorphia returned to you even during the worst moments, making the whole situation much more horrible.

You were standing in front of a bedroom mirror and couldn't stand the way you looked, you hated yourself not only for your appearance, but also for your past mistakes, your weak personality and character traits that let other people exploit and mock you, and he was another evidence.

"I HATE IT, I HATE IT, I HATE IT"  

Mirror flying down, glass hitting the floor and the pieces scattered in all directions. You wanted to hurt yourself so bad, you wanted to end these sufferings, you didn't understand why you deserve this, but at the same time this was exactly what a bitch like you deserves.

"(Y/N)!" 

Your red haired kidnapper barged into the room only to find yourself sitting in the corner and crying.

"What happened?" 

"I, -I.." your breathing was deep and fast. 

"I hate the way I look, I wish I was born a pretty girl, I wish I had other mindset, I wish I wasn't different, I wish I could fit in, but I'm not! And everytime I feel good about myself, she's always coming back!" you shouted it loud, while grabbing onto your head.

I wish I wasn't different, I wish I could fit in  

Oh, that hit home to Tendou.

So you think he'd fall for you if you were like everyone else? You think he'd find other girls attractive when you were around? You think if you'd fit in he'd consider yourself as his soulmate?

Well, I guess you had to learn this lesson as he once learned.

"Get up."

"N-no.."

"GET UP."

Quiet cry.

"(y/n), don't make me do things that I don't want to do."

You slowly got up, keeping your hands around your stomach, facing the ground.

"I-I just don't understand... why me..?" you said with soft, tearful voice.

Why are you still asking him this question? 

As if he didn't tell you enough.

He unhurriedly came closer to hug you. Usually it would take longer if not forever for you to hug him back, but this time you just needed that support from no matter who, even if it’s from a man who ruined your life. If you can't give it to yourself, maybe he could.

Abruptly he lifted you up and brought to bed. You could tell where it was going, you just didn't care anymore, because it has already happened many times. And hey, at least he likes you..

He removed soft fabrics from your body and unbelted his pants. Having you in a missionary position, he pulled you by your thighs and harshly entered you. Loud gasp escaped from your mouth.

For foreplay his thrusts were quite rushed and hard, you didn't even get wet enough for his dick.

"S-satori.. ple-ease.."  you whimpered his last name in a bit pesky manner.

"Say that you're beautiful (y/n)," you were just whimpering.

"SAY IT" he repeats it louder than before, suddenly squeezing your nipple as you moan out loud.

"Tendou-u, p-please, stop... it hurts"

He continues to twist your nipple even harder. 

"I AM, I am beautiful" you yell out. 

"That's right," Satori releases your nipple and starts gently massaging the sore area with his palm, without slowing down the pace and strength of thrusting. 

"What else?" looking into your eyes, long, slender fingers tenderly caressing your breast area, periodically making a circle movement around your areola. 

"I am smart"

"Good girl"

"I am sexy" 

"You're right, princess" he increases his pace, grabbing your hips and slightly lifting up your pelvis to hit the spot. You let out a loud moan, trying to stabilize your breath. You feel your orgasm coming and your vaginal muscles slightly pulsating as you finally come on his cock, his pace being as fast as before. 

"I am loved"

Tendou leans down to kiss you. You do not resist. If at least somebody can love you, then it's better than nothing. Your tongues weawe together like snakes during mating season. You can't believe that you don't want to pull away from your kidnapper, all you want is this moment to last forever as your bodies unite in one.

You can feel him gradually increasing his pace, as it becomes harder for you to breathe. He gets it as he pulls away from you and finishes inside you. Picking up from the floor the broken mirror glass to carve into your skin "beautiful" and "mine".

[tqmies]

Congratulations on 1k you deserve them so much!!! Can I request au Haechan + superhero / villain ( Hyuck ) + prompt 3 / 4

Bad for Us | Lee Haechan

Part of Tqmies 1K Event!

Superhero x Supervillian!Haechan, 3.“I fucking hate you.” “No you don’t. Take that back right now.”  4. “You know I’d do anything to have you stay by my side, right? Anything.”  wc. 1.7k note: we really all are suffering from hyuck brainrot huh... Warnings: reader makes a hard choice, moral dilemmas, death, explosions, and bombs, ANGSTY

When you and Lee Donghyuck entered the academy at fourteen, you were sure you'd be together for the rest of your lives. You two had been friends since you were kids and had done everything together.

The minute you two got your powers, you both had no qualms about applying to the same hero school. You were both equally as nervous, but ended up getting in, though in seperate classes.

Your hero name was mirage, and it was exactly as it suggested. You could create illusions, of or around you. Even things such as duplicating yourself, or putting your opponents into false scenery. You basically could shield yourself from them and become almost invisible, leaving them vulnerable to attacks.

Of course, there were downsides to your ability, as there is with anyone's. Sometimes, you can't even tell what's real or what's an illusion, as you can't fully control it.

Despite this, you had the utmost hero potential, and was placed in the main class.

Donghyuck on the other hand, was placed in the lower level. His ability was simply sun, as he could shoot beacons of light from his body. Sometimes he could even light his entire body, blinding an opponent momentarily. Though, it could only last so long and he didn't have a good grasp on it either.

Now, this didn't have much attack value, and he was seen as more sidekick potential. This discouraged him a bit, but he remained, adamant that he could hone his skills into superhero level in no time.

Things changed when you graduated.

You both graduated and passed exams necessary for becoming a pro hero. Despite what most had said, Donghyuck worked hard and proved everyone wrong, and you had never been happier. He had even adopted a cute hero name, Haechan.

You were both certified members of the hero league - rookies albeit - but this was your dream come true.

Mirage and Haechan, untouchable, well for the time being.

It was only your second mission.

You both were working with another hero, Moonlight, who met you two at the scene. She was a lot more experienced than you all, so naturally you looked to her for guidance.

"So I was thinking, I'll use my ability to get the passengers out of the train. I'll put up an illusion so the conductor doesn't notice it happening." You nod, sure you plan was a good one.

The hostages in there were being drove to their death by a super villain who posed as the conductor. The cars were equipped with a bomb that would blow up when it came to as stop, and he was planning to explode in a busy part of the city.

But Moonlight shook her head. "We can't save them."

You stopped in your tracks. "What do you mean?"

"There's no time." She admits, dejectedly. "If we're going to keep the train from hitting the station and blowing up half the city, we need to get that train to stop farther away."

Haechan furrows his brows. "But once it stops-"

"It blows up." Moonlight finishes, "Yes it does."

"But what about the people inside?" You yelp, watching the train continue from the hill you're all atop. "I can get them, just give me five minutes and-"

"We don't have time." She interrupts, sternly. "We stop that train now or we lose thousands of people."

"Moonlight," Haechan tries to protest but she stands her ground.

"Of course you rookies are confused." She looks down. "You'd risk a train blowing you and tons of people up if it meant you could try and save thirteen in there. Always something to prove."

But it wasn't that way at all. "Who are you to decide that their lives aren't worth just as much?"

"A pro-hero." She snaps. "And when you're one, you have to make these decisions, okay?"

"The people in that train have families," Haechan speaks. "They have children, jobs, - their own lives."

"And so do the people in those buildings, which that train is heading straight for." Moonlight responds. "Now ask yourselves this, would you rather save thirteen peoples lives? Or a thousand?"

Haechan looks bewildered. "I'd want to save all of them." And he moves to get down the hill, ready to risk his life.

"Donghyuck-" You grab him by his arm. "Don't."

"Are you serious?" He asks, brushing your arm off.

"There's nothing we can do, let's just stop the-"

"I can't believe you." He says, whispering as he stares at you with wide eyes. "You want to let them die?"

"We don't have a choice."

"There's always a choice." He responds.

"If we don't act now, then that train is going to crash into that station and explode everyone!" Moonlight steps in, looking between you two.

"What happened to saving every life we could?" Haechan stares you in the eyes, referencing the promises you had made as kids. "Even if it meant risking our lives?"

"This is not a risk, this is a death wish!" You state, and Haechan looks away.

You turn to the train, closing your eyes as you take a deep breath. You gather up your energy and cause a projection of a building to take place in front of the moving vehicle. It abruptly comes to a halt as you assume the villain grew confused and stopped.

Then the explosion followed.

Moonlight directs her attention towards you as you watch in horror. "Mirage, stop anyone from seeing it."

"W-what?"

"Use your ability to cloak the explosion, we don't want anyone to see." She repeats, and you follow, hands shaky and head muddy.

Haechan steps back from behind you, watching in distress as you put your powers to work. He grows even more terrified as the scene becomes clean, like nothing was never even there.

You had masked it all, the train, the rubble. The bodies.

Moonlights eyes widen, taking in the scene. "Wow, it's like it never even happened."

Haechan feels sick to his stomach.

You can only nod, willing yourself to stop the tears that threaten to slip. You had to keep it together, this is what being a super hero was about. This was your job, this is what you do for your city, for your people.

"How could you say that?" Haechan spells in disgust as he points to the empty area. "Of course it happened, those people are dead."

The elder hero just tilts her head up. "Their sacrifice will be remembered."

Haechan's had enough of this, this isn't what he signed up for. This wasn't how you saved a city, this was wrong. And it stung that someone he knew his whole life complied, he felt like he didn't know you at all, like you were a stranger to him. How could you?

"Donghyuck-"

"I fucking hate you." He sputters, turning around.

You freeze. "No you don't. Take that back right now."

"I don't even know who you are." He admits, and you want to cry.

You almost fall to your knees, pleading. "It's me, Hyuck you know me."

"Not anymore, the person I knew would've never done this."

"You did the right thing." Moonlight reassures you, holding your hand. "Good to know that Haechan here would crumble under pressure."

"You know if this is what being a hero entails, then I want out."

"Oh so you go running from your first little challenge? Did you think it was all going to be fun and games?" Moonlight continues as you stand motionless.

Haechan just brushes her off, giving you one last look before he begins walking away.

"And where are you going?" She shouts after him, anger present in her voice. "Abandoning a mission?"

Haechan doesn't even look back once.

The next time you see Haechan is when a raid takes place at your base. It's been two years since you last saw him, since he last told you he hated you.

It still stung, but not as much as what you found out after.

Haechan had joined the villain's league. He had been apart of them for about a year now, and you always wondered why. You figured after he resigned from being a hero, that he would just live a quiet life as a normal civilian. But that wasn't very Haechan-like, was it?

No he saw an injustice, and made it his priority to oppose what the heroes were doing. Especially, you.

"I won't hesitate to kill you right now, Donghyuck."

"Oh I know you won't." He laughs. "I've seen it myself."

"Stop," You shake your head, it had taken a while to get over the entire thing yourself. It was your duty as a hero, and you had saved lives that day, you just did what you had to do.

"And call me Haechan, that's still my name."

"Haechan was your hero name," You seethe, fighting against the restraints. "You're not a hero anymore."

He claps his hands. "And thank the lord for that."

"Untie me Donghyuck."

"Haechan," He corrects, and he shakes his head. "What would be the fun in that?"

"Why are you doing this?" You speak, closing your eyes.

"You're here to make a decision." He laughs, eyes crinkling.

You stay quiet, "What do you want."

"There's a bomb in here." He states, and you tense up. "Sound familiar?"

"What-"

"You have two options. One, you can use your little illusion to get out of here, leaving your friends to die." He nods, and he stops you from responding. "Two, you can try to rush in and save everyone. Either way, this bomb's going off in three minutes."

"You can stop this, you can just walk out now. I promise, we won't go after you, I won't tell-"

"Shut up." He stops you, "You did this."

"Me?"

"Me?" He mocks before tightening the rope around your hands. "I loved you, you know? I looked up to you too, worked so damn hard so we could be heroes together. Pushed myself to my limits so I could keep up and be just like you."

You look in confusion. "I didn't know that."

"But then you let me down. My hero, and you let me down."

You don't know what to say, "We can work this out. Please, Donghyuck I'll make it up to you."

"Shut up." He rolls his eyes. "Timer starts now, better get to running."

[naancypants]

I think I've pinpointed the main reason I'm so viscerally unhappy with the direction the writers chose to go in with Nace -- obviously this is just my opinion, so any use of objective terms like "supposed to be", etc is not meant to be taken literally. It's just me airing out my takes on the storytelling.

For me, one of the most appealing things about Nace is how they juxtapose all of Nancy's other romantic endeavors. From the beginning, it's been different with Ace. He isn't a fast-moving hookup or a form of escapism. He gradually grows into the role of a best friend, a partner, someone she is emotionally open with, and the person who can keep her steady when shit hits the fan. Ace's presence encourages Nancy to embrace love (especially self-love) rather than facilitating her urge to push it away.

I associate Nick and Owen, Nancy's season 1 ships -- which ideally would establish a starting point for her -- with Nancy resigning to choices or circumstances that are out of her control, and having to move on from something she really wanted to make work. Both of these relationships were ripped from her grasp, thus leading to pain and reinforcing her belief that she isn't deserving of That Kind of love.

Do you see where I'm going with this?

Season 4 has essentially applied these negative season 1 traits to Nancy/Ace, her supposed endgame, with the curse and how it has torn them apart. I've always believed her endgame should break down these patterns entirely, not slap a new coat of paint on them. The idea is for Nancy to learn that true love doesn't HAVE to be painful, that love shouldn't break your spirit. Not when it's the right person. There's no real reason to be rehashing angst and hopelessness and rebounds this late in the game -- not with Ace, who is narratively recognized as The One. This should be the relationship for Nancy that symbolizes joy and the warmth of falling for a friend. It should feel cozy and stable. Why would we want to validate Nancy's belief that great love must come with great suffering? I've always loved Nace for the themes of growth that it reflects in Nancy's character -- that she is learning what real love feels like, that she is embracing her most authentic self, that she has moved away from the closed-off girl we met at the start who used relationships as a distraction from her pain.

Ace is supposed to represent comfort, security, and a safe haven from the strife that surrounds Nancy's life... yet now he is the central cause of her strife. I don't want her to be miserable because of whatever is going on with Ace. I want Ace to be her solace from whatever else is making her miserable! That's how this relationship was built to function!!! That was the entire point!!!!!

I can't help but feel like this star-crossed drama sours their connection a little, when I ship them specifically for the way Ace has always been an anomaly for her; someone with whom she could let her guard down and communicate freely due to the harmonious undercurrent between them. Now they can't make it through (1) conversation without 'breaking up' or stabbing each other in the heart. It's exhausting. It's counterintuitive to everything I love about them. I don't expect a relationship without its bumps in the road, but their arc is so dramatic and heightened now, it's like the writers have disregarded why these two worked so well together in the first place.

All I ever wanted was a sweet little slowburn coworkers-to-besties-to-lovers arc where they both surprise themselves by falling for each other 💐 of course I'm still rooting for them to end up together, but it hurts to know that what was once my #1 currently-airing OTP is barely even a shell of what I hoped it would be.

[larrikin-is-a-himbo]

My thoughts on Russian Doll: Rewatch Edition [Part 1]

I had forgotten how unexpected and jumpscare-y the first time Nadia dies is.

RUTH MY DARLING. HOW I MISSED YOU.

I could be at the best party of my life, surrounded by the people I love and who love me, and yet I would spiral into a sadness dissociation. Nadia is just like me fr. (I know the trauma was very recent but you get what I'm saying)

I love that homeless guy so much you don't understand. I don't care about the ex though.

Nadia, why are you sitting in such a vulnerable position when you've already died once?

It's actually so much interesting to see the people around Nadia slowly lose their sentience as the universe continues collapsing their reality. A great example of it is Maxine. You can see how much this timeloop affects everyone, best through her. There's subtle changes (maybe this needs a post of its own)

Love that she still thinks it's the drugs and not just the misfortune of being the victims of universe's educating spree.

I think something worse than dying again and again is dying in the same way multiple times. These goddam stairs.

Imagine being Maxine and your friend is just acting full on CRAZY crazy.

Giving new meaning to "It's my party, and I'll cry if I want to"

Going to the Rabbi. I think I would start going to priests/pandits/any other terminology used for them, if I was going this insane as well. I can't figure out if she's Jewish me or not though. As much as I can remember from my first watch, she's not. (I don't want to repeat the part.)

My favourite thing about Nadia, as a protagonist, is that she's not a saint, she's not likeable all the time. She has a lot of fuck ups, even if she's suffering at the whims of the universe. Normally, female characters aren't allowed to be raw and messy and human is such manner. Really shows you the difference in a show made by a woman and a show made by a man.

MY MAN IS HERE. Boy, you have a lot of loser energy but I love that so come here, baby.

"Like, if you weren't paying me, I never would've spoken to you" Wow. That wasn't even said to me and it stung so bad.

He has this deep sadness in him. An aching to keep his life in control, to be understood, to keep things as they are. It's an impossible thing to do, to accept that you can't avoid change.

"You fucked the gingerbread man?!" "Don't call him that." "YOU CALL HIM THAT." BAHAHAHA

Love the way Nadia finds Alan's name. Just based on the fact that he's uptight and way too routine oriented.

I HAD FORGOTTEN THE DOUCHEBAG NADIA MEETS ON THE FIRST NIGHT WAS THE GINGERBREAD MAN.

Death by electrocution. Jesus fucking Christ. That's horrible.

YES, MY BOY. Go completely unhinged. [<- Just threw his stuff like a normal person instead of rearranging it like a serial killer]

"Okay, check it out. I gave everybody here an opportunity to tell me I'm a bad person. Nobody did it because I fucking rule, so... there goes your theory." This is going to be my mindset for the rest of my life. Impostor syndrome who?

I love the little details since Ep1 of how this loop is affecting the real world. The people disappearing, the food rotting, the animals disappearing.

Going the route of making the main male and female characters a Weirdo duo >>>>>>>>>>

"I don't know who the fuck you are, I don't know what's going on here, but either you two suck each other's dicks or get the fuck out of my apartment." MAXINE THE QUEEN YOU ARE.

WHEN NADIA DIES BY RUTH'S HANDS IS THE SADDEST ONE SO FAR. I HATE IT SO MUCH.

"Nobody chooses me. I'm the hole where a choice should be." This hurt me. Hit too close to home.

The way Nadia is slowly being consumed by the grief of this reality of hers. Seeing John have his heartbroken again and again. It's just. Your grief just doesn't affect you, it affects everyone, it consumes everything around you. (I wish I could articulate my thoughts and feelings better. I struggle to even form coherent sentences these days)

"You created an impossible game with a single character who has to solve everything entirely on her own. That's stupid." "Watch and learn, baby face." This is what we call foreshadowing.

"I can fuck you better than Mike" My boy you need to be awake first.

It's about community and love and connections. And how we as social beings need other people to survive and thrive and be safe. In every way, the physical, emotional, we need people. We cannot be loners. That's not a viable way of living. The moral of the story is let others help you, believe that the world is a better place because you're in it.

Not just that but a sub plot (the building block to the major plot in S2) that no matter how much you suppress your inner child, no matter how much you try to forget them, they're still within you. You cannot take care of your present self or improve things for your future self until you acknowledge the child.

It's just, how beautifully it is shown the importance of human connection, loving and caring for others, why it is the utmost responsibility as humans to keep each other safe and well. Humans didn't come all this way without that love and compassion, and this recent trend of hyper-individuality has really fucked us over.

[zmediaoutlet]

what is your stance on the "amelia or at least sams life with her was only a hallucination his already damaged psyche conjured up after suffering a psychotic break"-theory?

umm not a fan. Like... not for me, at all. But the way I'm not a fan has evolved a little over the years, haha, so to expand --

I get why people are into it. I mean, the filming choices are so batshit weird (why that gross golden vaseline filter? why drop in flashbacks every time Jared looked constipated in the main timeline?) that it's easy to go It Was All A Dream, no matter how cheesy that is.

Goof-ass cinematography aside, though, I know the reason a lot of people want to reject it out of hand is that "Sam would have looked for Dean." I get it; it's tough that he didn't. But there's a difference between Sam should have looked and Sam necessarily must have, and the fact that he didn't is so OOC we have to invent a full on AU for him. I mean, for one thing, the actual canon information as presented doesn't contravene the idea that Sam did actually try but failed, and gave up* after failing. He was alone with a busted car, zero help (Bobby dead, angels not listening, demons not answering the phone, etc), and had no idea if Dean was dead or just winked from existence (because why would he assume that he went to Purgatory?). With zero leads and dead ends at every turn, it's very easy to insert like a month of him failing and then he hits a dog -- and then, because he feels intensely guilty, telling Dean that he didn't really try, because his efforts were so paltry that he can't even count them as trying.

...but even that isn't really that much of an argument. One thing that I find happens a lot with the Winchesters in fandom discussions, but especially with Sam, is like... not allowing them the dignity of their choices. Which -- like, duh, they're fictional characters, they're written a certain way. But there's a real tendency to leap to OOC claims or "the writers don't know what they're doing!!" whenever it's something we wish the character wouldn't have done because we don't like it. But like... that's not how characters work. Characters do shit I don't like all the time; it doesn't mean they didn't do it, and that I shouldn't try to fold even that disliked thing into my conception of who the character is. (Important caveat: there's a great post by astolat that talks about the venn diagrams of audience belief and canonicity in texts with multiple writers that makes this more complicated. Still, I think that variability comes in small details as she mentions in that post, or indeed dumb little moments of Jensen improv in spn canon, rather than whole-ass plot arc decisions.)

Sam stopped looking for/didn't look for Dean when he disappeared. That's interesting. Kinda sucks, and the show and Sam himself point out multiple times that it kinda sucks, but that doesn't make it uninteresting or OOC, especially given the Sam we have who is nigh indomitable. The fact that it was his choice speaks to a Sam who's really just... beaten down. And why wouldn't he be? Slings and arrows from birth all the way to age 27 when he threw himself into the worse torture imaginable -- then he got saved, hallegoddamnlujah, and he thought maybe he'd be there with Dean, living a life he could choose for once instead of one he'd been forced into by destiny -- and then it was just another apocalypse, and enemies on all sides, and every friend and ally and hope just torn away, one by one. It's a miracle he got to keep the car. I can see that Sam, in that last torn circumstance, just -- going into hiding. He hits a dog and then inertia keeps him in one place, spinning his wheels. He meets a girl and she kinda sucks but she's prickly and rude and not-samey enough to prod him back up into life, and at that point it's been months and Dean's gone and he thinks, if this is life I guess I can live it. He can't go back to the shell of a life he loved with Dean and it's just... too much. He's always been very, very good at putting one foot in front of the other. (It's why he manages to live after the finale.)

Now, does Sam regret that choice, such as it was? Sure. (Not that I think he could've changed anything about it.) Doesn't mean he didn't make it. It also beautifully informs the arc of that year, moving from one choice to another -- from abdicating responsibility to taking on the ultimate responsibility. And it's really really REALLY interesting to me in the long-form story spn tells about Sam and the Most Interesting Long-form Character Development Ever. He's a startling advocate for his own agency and holds it in tight reins; I'm not interested in pretending he isn't, either for Martyr!Sam headcanons or any strong weird wincest-only stanning. Plus, Amelia-the-mistress as parallel for Benny-the-mistress is just too good to give up.

s8's awesome. It doesn't need weird St. Elsewhere headcanons to make it somehow excusable.

[do-it-for-the-fandom]

Could you write a fluffy fic of castle and Beckett grocery shopping??

Something I prepared a little earlier… I hope this counts?

Enough was enough, it was time to take matters into his own hands. If she wasn't going to voluntarily take a break, he would make her take one.

He seizes the moment when she caps the whiteboard marker and places it on the ledge under the board. He grabs her and begins to pull her toward the elevator.

"Castle, what are you doing?"

He can feel the weight of her pulling back, working against him, but he has a reasonable advantage over her in this department. If he keeps his momentum, keeps his grasp of her hand, she will have no choice but to follow.

"We are getting coffee." Coffee will help. Coffee always helps.

"The break room has coffee."

He would argue that the break room has bad coffee, but it doesn't. He made sure of that, years ago. "Okay... we're getting dinner then."

"Castle," her groan was like fuel. "I have a murder to solve."

"You've been at it since 3am. You haven't seen sunlight in hours. A bit of fresh air will do you some good."

He can feel the resistance ease as they reach the elevator, but he isn't ready to trust that she would relent that easily. He keeps her hand tucked safely within his as they wait, only letting go once the doors close them securely inside the carriage.

"I'm not hungry." Stubborn, as always.

"You haven't eaten." It would hit her, soon enough... her body's realisation that it hadn't been fuelled in hours. He just wants to be ready.

She scoffs, an attempt to not show that she likes the way he cares for her. "Are you keeping tabs on me?"

"Someone has to." He bit his tongue a second too late. He knows that was out of pocket. He risks a glance in her direction, she doesn't look mad though. Just... sad. "I'm sorry."

"No... I'm sorry. You shouldn't have to worry about me. I shouldn't get so caught up in cases."

She shouldn't. But she does. "I mean... we understand why."

We... all of them. And suddenly she can see it, the way they all hover around her as if they're waiting for her to break.

The not knowing. It kills. She doesn't want anyone to have to suffer, like she had has to.

The elevator door opens up and she practically runs out. He does a half-jog to catch up, using a hand against the small of her back to lead her out of the precinct and up the road, toward the grocer just a block away.

She's rushing, and he can tell she's antsy being away from the precinct... the case. He's trying to tempt her with something of substance: fruit, a pastry, hell... even a frozen meal that she can quickly zap in the break room microwave would suffice. But she continues to shake her head, scrunch up her nose, stare back toward the precinct as if it's calling her name.

The nervous biting of her thumb nail is the final straw for him. He relents, pacing toward the one thing he knows she will accept.

She had been too distracted and didn't even see him leave. She scans her surroundings, spying him just in time to see him round the corner into the next aisle. She has to stride to catch up.

He's rounding the corner just as she is, and they collide. She hears the distinct crunch and rustle of plastic between them. Looking down, she can't help but smile at the bags of sugary treats he holds in his hands.

"Gummy bears?"

"The little bag you keep in your desk is almost empty. I figured if I can't get you to eat a proper meal, the least I can do is keep your blood sugar from plummeting."

Of course he notices little things like this... he's a writer. The finer details make the story. It doesn't mean anything. "I like the-"

"Gluten free ones." He interrupts and holds up the bag, showing her he's grabbed the correct ones. "I know."

That means something.

She considers how hard he's trying... for her. She appreciates that he cares. Enough to drag her out of the precinct. Enough to monitor her habits when he knows she's too busy to keep track herself. Enough to compromise, knowing something is better than nothing.

So, for him, she can compromise too.

"I was thinking of calling the Thai place down the block... maybe getting something delivered."

His smile grows, spreads right to his eyes. "I love that place."

"I know."

[gyubby99]

IM SENDING IN AN ASK ABOUT ROSASTAR AND ELLALI JAVING A TALK

I have come

While the kids were away, the couples were walking towards the empty council room where they could finally catch up after all those years. Rosalyn, however had to stop and call out to Alistar whenever she saw something new to her sights. Her husband may be breaking things once in a while while having his tempers, but he still valued her happiness overall.

She knew Alistar had a good heart, but she knew it also changes. Like a restless tide, untamable. It was magical when he came into her life, but knowing his reputation as a power-hungry tyrant king, she knew that along him a storm could come too. He'd either raise her high or let her fall, drag her down as quickly as he could lift her.

But then she took his hand and promised to withstand any form of blaze, famines he would blow her way. Like she was made of stone, something solidified inside her, and she knew she'd always stay beside him. No matter his flaws, or his tempers, how stone-hearted people made him out to be, she stood by him like she had a heart of stone.

And it was not because she was scared, or naive, or weak. It was because she loved him, and she knew he loved her too.

Rosalyn looked at her husband, who seemed like he was stressing out about something. She couldn't exactly figure out why he looked like he'd been trapped inside a room he never had a choice to be on. She almost asked him if he needed anything to ease his perceptible anxious behavior, not until queen Ella had sat down with her husband.

"This room was even more different that it was." Alistar began, before pulling out a chair for his wife. Rosalyn smiled at the gesture, and sat down with her husband beside her.

Elias, in all of this, never bothered to look at the Brennans. As if he would want to speak with them. He wanted to save his time, and the oxygen he wouldn't want to waste on a viscious, violent monster.

"After my father had died, I figured we give the entire castle a different class and style. Don't you think it looks like a breath of fresh air? I was just thinking that maybe you needed some, for I know you haven't lived in it ever since.." Ella replies. "Looks less of a prison room, does it not, old friend?"

Rosalyn turned her head to Alistar, who was tense. She didn't know if he wanted to shut queen Ella up, or that he wanted to get out of the room and avoid the conversation.

"Prison room? I don't appreciate your incorrect accusations, your majesty." Alistar bit back, more leaning into easing his nerves. "You see, me and my wife, and our two beautiful children are living the best lives in our home."

Rosalyn didn't speak.

Ella acknowledged her silence. "With what you did to me and my kingdom, I'm sure there's more going on through the curtains of your dollhouse, Alistar." Ella spat back, speaking his name with such bitterness.

"Are you implying that my family are suffering in my hands, with too many words left unsaid? You think my children can't communicate with me?" Alistar flared up at the subtle mention of his family she deemed toxic.

Rosalyn swallowed, and she felt her hands shaking. Taking a deep breath, she tried keeping her calm facade. But she knew, that queen Ella had made her way to cut deep into her heart of stone in a matter of a short time.

"I never said anything about suffering and lack of communication.. are you speaking for your actions?" Ella taunted, keeping her regal composure. "Because me, personally.. I'm spealing from experience."

"Don't think you intimidated me, your majesty. You shouldn't bark that much unless you know how to bite." Alistar humored her.

Now Rosalyn knew that this was going to get out of hand, experiencing Alistar's tempers.. and his threats.

"I know you too well, my friend. You know that I could hit you where it hurts if I go on any longer, now the only thing you want this chat to go down is through violence. I see you still haven't changed." Ella retorted.

Alistar let out a huff. "I haven't been violent towards Rosalyn, or my children before."

One truth, One lie.

His children? He'd never try to be violent with.

Rosalyn?

He had countless attempts.

Rosalyn's breath hitched, as she spoke. "That.. that is true. He haven't been violent to anyone. He may have his tempers, and- I have them too, but he never hurt me. He never tried to."

She knew she was lying to herself. But she loved him too much to stain his reputation a lot more. She had the choice to call him out on his shit but her heart betrayed her mind and acted on its own.

She'd just made her bed, and she was going to lay in it.

He never hurt her, but he tried to.

Ella studied her for a moment, like a parent looking at their child who has been in trouble. Her observant eyes, and skeptical look all seemed to make her nerves tense, and she gulped.

"Rosalyn?" Ella called out.

Rosalyn's head snapped towards her.

"Take care of the roses in your garden. Don't let them lose their head." Ella spoke, flashing a kind, lukewarm smile.

"What do you mean by that.." Rosalyn trailed off, unsure if she were even allowed to speak to her.

"Nothing. Just figured you have a passion for gardening as I do.." Ella shrugged, then changed the topic to an even more lighter one for Alistar to actually react and respond with without having to be trapped, hoist with his own petard.

Rosalyn knew she meant something more than that.

Elias, deep inside, wanted to ask if Rosalyn was alright.

[destineeallison]

Random things I wrote between 2007 and 2016

Originally Re-Posted on Facebook on Various dates.

Dreams and aspirations, serve only to torture.

-

I live my life on a canvas; each day as another little stroke of the brush, adding up to the final big picture. Color and full of highlights, in all of my finer moments and dark shadows, for the moments I fell short.

There's emotion to every work of art What does this life convey? A deeper meaning behind every success, failure, and missed opportunity.

-

We live like notes bending and folding over the musical scale I am the high while you stay low

We live like melodies surrounding each other.

We are the music, everyday we change.

We fit a mood set by our minds and actions.

We feel the way our sounds do.

Embrace the beauty within us as one.

Put us in motion and we are forever changing, forever progressing, forever fitting.

Put us together and we drift, sway, and hiccup along these scales we call our homes.

While filling the empty sounds, we follow the leads of the metronome.

Silence cannot break us, Silence is our enemy in this war we call a song. Every sound in our ensemble, perfect together as one,

The rhythm we follow is what will hold us together, if we act as one, folding and bending over our shared scale.

-

What if every morning we woke up as a new person, knowing the past, of who we've become. What if every morning we woke up with new emotions, forgetting the ones that haunt us from where we once came.

Right outside the sounds are empty, and time is moving slowly. I'm anxious for something to come and sweep me away. Taking me to a new place, full of sounds, and actions. A place where the next step is always right around the corner.

-

We're one big play on words game. You tell me yours, and I'll recite back mine. We coincide so well, our words mixing together as opposites attracting. In one Idea, that I want you, and you want me, gone.

Reality is not a dream, and dreams are not real. So why do we live reality as getting everything we "dream" of, setting high expectations for ourselves, only to fall short in the end. We know that things never go as we plan, completely. Yet, we still live within our dreaming mentality.

-

It's amazing how someone can look so calm and peaceful on the outside, but you'd never guess the chaos and chemicals raging in their body. I guess you just have to look for the signs hidden in their eyes.

-

Inner-peace, happiness, self-love, selfless love, self-respect, serenity, a positive attitude and an open mind are necessary, and they all start and end with you.

Attain what you can for the benefit of yourself. Money and material won't make you feel rich, just momentarily privileged.

-

Happiness depends upon ourselves.

Dependency is nothing but a burden.

Make your own choices,

Do things that take courage.

You won't find happiness, sitting at home, wishing your life was better.

-

I'd take your breath away,

but I don't want to watch you suffocate.

I'm here to lift you up,

I'll breathe in the life you're missing.

-

The only one not going,

Family members always hospitalized, I thought it was another scare.

Quickly I learned that it's real you're unconscious, and because of the timing I can't be there.

I hope you know I love you. happy birthday bitch, it's life, I called to say what's up, letting you know you're brothers suffering and sometime this week hell be laying in a coffin.

Alcohol weed pills uppers downers we can try to numb the pain but one day when we're at work hiding from reality we'll turn around and catch her sucker punch to the face. She'll hit you so hard you lose your breath and no matter how hard you try you'll lack any ability to control how hard you cry . She'll take your life your pride your family, have you selling your soul. Anything to keep hold of the heart hardly beating.

I'm sorry, but The pain I feel isn't even that you're gone, it's the pain that your death left with mom.

She said she's feeling empty. it's untouchable And I have no control over her emotions. it's eating my inside that all she wants is to see her little boy alive. Death takes a toll and it's collecting on our mother, 60 years old, outliving her mother, son, and younger brother.

I visited the house we grew up in today. Seems like just yesterday you were helping take care of us. Look what became of is, siblings that never speak, holding on to grudges because of silly things, and our stubbornness to accept help when we need it the most. I know you lost hope. I saw it in the house, the cement floors and holes in the walls frank, why didn't you call? Any of us, we're family, I hate myself for turning down my mom sending me out here. I hate that I let you live alone, you were barely surviving, not living a life but making it by till you died. I feel infested, and not from the roaches, but the feelings I can't even bear to lock into. Frank, I love you, and I hope that you're in a better place, of peace and grace. As we lay you to rest our family will do their best to say their goodbyes one last time, just know that you will never be forgotten. Rest in peace, big brother.

I felt I couldn't cry till I saw your children walk in the chapel to witness the tree fallen that once held the apple. As the tears stream down the face of our mother, I can't help but notice laying in that casket is not a man I know as my brother.

Over the years, as we may have grown apart, our siblings grow old with each time the sky gets dark. It's not a matter of I love you, or the anger we've all felt, but the times that we need each other, we're there, still kids in our minds forever avoiding life's belt.

-

Don't jump so fast to clench another by the throat if your judgments impaired, leaving you unaware of intent. Listen to the words and view cues within how the body language curves before you fire back with your anger.

-

I hate the need to explain, when the understanding isn't there.

Why waste my time dumbing it down?

I know you're locked in on a blank stare.

-

[imm-tell-it-like-it-is]

Blog#2 Snow on Tha Bluff

I'm currently listening to J. Cole's "Snow on the Bluff," and the way this guy raps is something I can kind of relate to. I know the song is about the Black Lives Matter movement and all that, but I can't help but try to understand what he's trying to say based on the values I know to be right. I've heard that in psychology, there is no wrong answer in a person's reasoning. Every choice someone has made, whether unconsciously or consciously, has been a direct representation of how they grew up. So I always try to understand a person's mindset or reasoning. I do try to base it on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator to try to understand where a person is coming from. I do think it's a little shallow, if that's the right word for this context, but it's what I've got, so I'm going with it.

When I first heard this song, the first few lines really drew me in because I've had people compliment me on being deep or intelligent, saying "fooled by my college degree," but I feel like my IQ is average, at least that's how I feel, and so far the evidence seems to indicate that I'm just average. And then I look up and see this world full of people who seem "mad at these crackers, she mad at this capitalist, mad at these murder police," and I get it, I am one of those people, "she mad at our ignorance, she wear her heart on her sleeve." How could I not be? Everywhere we go, someone is suffering, and that breaks my heart. To just brush that off with some cold excuse, "just don't think about it," has always bothered me. I've kept that to myself a lot because wearing your heart on your sleeve does sometimes feel like a temper tantrum, and it's hard to keep the emotion from building up. That's hit or miss with people, it's hard to relate to the frustration because the world has gotten really complicated. Every issue is linked to another. There's no one clear-cut way to solve everything. Take the guns? Oh, you can't take our guns, but what about all the crime? School shootings! Better education! Critical race theory!! And so on and so forth. That's just one rabbit hole we can fall into. Jesus, how do we even get anything done? If you do decide on a bill, it won't pass because the other side blocked it! Oh, the Republicans are going to focus on these issues and the Democrats are going to focus on these issues. It's too much, it's too much of everything. Logically, this system makes no sense, or maybe I just don't know any better. It definitely doesn't feel right, and there's no way around that.

I don't know, I'm just a random person writing down my thoughts, and I don't really have a plan for how to fix this. I feel like when I look at society today, it's like a crazy tangled-up yarn that's impossible to untangle. The keyword here is "feel." Rick and Morty had a line that I thought was kind of funny when Rick and Morty jumped to a different timeline after they messed up the world. Morty questioned the morality of this action, and Rick said, "What about the timeline where Hitler cured cancer? The answer is you just don't think about it." But that can't be the answer, can it? "Can you walk with me? I hope we'll find the reason why we often sob, go on cry Painful memories fuck up the vibe Though I be tryna let the time heal my mind I was once a child, I've gotten older Still, I know I'm just a boy in God's eyes Fill me up with wisdom and some courage Plus endurance to survive, help mine thrive"

[twjournals]

The Right Place

This is the third and final part of the trilogy. I can not thank you enough for the endless support. I did not expect to even turn this into a three-parter, but you asked and you shall receive. You guys are amazing!

So Wrong It's Right

What's Wrong is Right

Warning: dark!Peter Parker x reader, dub-con, all characters are of age, pregnancy, abuse, mild non-con touching, violence

Word Count: 5.4k

Summary: You're an old troubled friend of May's. Your life consists of being a workaholic, a party animal, and bringing home the shittest of guys for a one-hit-wonder. Just when you get your life in order, you're knocked right back into your old habits. Peter has watched you suffer long enough. He can make it all better.

Taglist: @discoverwhattheworldhastooffer

Your world was in shambles and any move you made to try and fix it only seemed to make what was left crumble. You did not speak with anyone since you had found out you were pregnant, not even May. You did not know what you could even say to her or how you could explain what was going on. You knew she would find out sooner or later, but you had planned on later. You could not even stomach the thought of telling her. It would not be easy and you knew you would probably lose her friendship in the process.

You avoided Peter as much as you could. He always messaged to check up on you, but you would never reply. You were disappointed in yourself. If you had just been the biggest person and moved on, if you had not have gotten drunk, you would not be in this situation right now.

Peter never gave up on you. He had hoped you would come around. That you would understand why your life was going in the direction it was. You needed to get away from the toxicity you surrounded with, especially Chris. You were meant for bigger and better things. You were meant to be more than a housewife. You were to be a mother, a lover, a soulmate. You deserved the world and he wanted so bad to give you it plus more.

You continued to shut him out though. You did not answer his phone calls or his text messages no matter how many times he tried. He sat outside on your fire escape many nights, listening to you crying yourself to sleep. It broke his heart to see you in this situation, but he wishes you would look on the bright side of things. Maybe it was not the greatest timing to have a baby, but it didn't mean your lives were ruined. Sometimes what we want is not always what we need. Sometimes change is required for what we need in our life and you weren't necessarily open to it.

He honestly had tried to give you your space. He stuck to the rooftop above you where you could not see him when you would finally leave the house for work. You always looked so beautiful to him, even if he knew you had been crying all night. If you would just answer his messages, he would not have to go this far.

Peter watched you many mornings on your way to work. He followed your bus all the way to the place he prayed you would never go. He kneeled on top of the building, watching as you stared sadly at the front doors of the clinic. He wished you would turn around. To save him from having to web you down before you got in the building. You were picking at your sweater. No matter the number of times you found yourself standing outside the clinic, you never could bring yourself to even reach for the door.

You were at war with yourself. Peter could tell you fought against the changes, but your heart could not bring you to stop them from happening despite how unhappy you were. It always ended with a sigh and with you proceeding to walk the rest of the way to work. Peter seemed to hold his breath until you walked away.

Work was always a drag now. You had nothing to look forward to anymore but everything in the world to worry about. You stared at your phone as it lay against the computer screen. You rubbed your face tiredly.

You knew it was time to let go of your past. You sighed deeply, taking your phone in your hands and clicking on Chris's old messages. You began typing.

Are you able to come by later?

You noticed he read your message right away. You sat your phone down, still staring at the screen when he responded back.

Of course. Just tell me when, and I’ll be there.

You told him you would message him once you got home. You were sure what time you would get off when it came to your job. You wrote a company and spent the hours necessary to do what you needed to do.

By the time your workday had finally ended, you were having mixed feelings about inviting him over. Being pregnant did not help your feelings from being all over the place. Your thumbs hovered over the keypad on your screen. You were hesitant. Even if he had said he respected whatever you decided, you knew he could not entirely mean that. You quickly typed out that you were home and hit send before you could give yourself time to think almost about it. Maybe you should have thought about it a little longer.

Peter was stuck at school for one of his night classes. He dreaded his night classes now more than ever considering your condition. He had already skipping enough classes due to worrying so much about you. He could not afford to flunk out of school now after all the time and effort he had dedicated already. As much as he wanted to keep an eye on you, he tried to give you room to breathe, to think, and process.

You pushed his bags in the living room by the door, straightening your sweater to keep it off of your stomach. You were not big to others, but to you, you worried if people can tell. You did not want to chance it and certainly not with Chris. You wanted this to go as smoothly as possible.

Your heart almost leaped from your chest at the knock on your door. You slid the chain from the lock and pulled the door open to see his face light up as soon as he saw you.

"Hey there, beautiful."

"Hi." You leaned against the door slightly as you moved out of the way for him to enter.

"I'm so glad you're giving this a second-" He stepped into the apartment, noticing bags of his belongings to the side of him and he grew quiet. "You're not giving me a second chance." He pointed out and you frowned slightly, still standing by the door.

"I think it is what's best for the both of us." Your voice was quiet and calm, but in your mind, it was the hardest thing possible for you to say.

"Is it?" His voice seemed bitter and you looked down at your feet, nodding slowly. Even without looking at him, you could still feel his eyes on you. He turned to face you fully and you hesitated to make eye contact with him.

"It is. I still want the best for you."

"Do you not believe I can change? I don't understand. What can I do to change your mind?" He pressed.

"Please don't think I haven't given this a lot of thought. It consumes my mind to no end. I just need to focus on myself right now."

"Imagine that." It was silent in the room and you glanced at him, only to find him shaking his head with a snicker. "It's not what's best for the both of us. Not for me. This is what's best for you. Can't imagine how I even thought you could be anything but selfish."

"Chris, I just want to keep this civil."

"Good for you." He pulls the door from your grasp and slamming it shut, startling you. "That's all you've ever been, hm? You're gonna have to lose that mindset if you plan on marrying me."

"I don't-"

"You will." He corrected, moving so close you could feel his breath across your face. "I put too much time into this for you to walk away from me."

You swallowed hard. The man who stared back at you was far from familiar. You tried to step around him but he only pushed you back into your place between him and the wall.

"Goddamn it, just get your stuff and go!" You raised your voice and he slapped his hand hard across your cheek. It was strong enough to make you see stars in your eyes. You yelped at the impact and held your cheek as it stung in pain.

"You watch your fucking tone." He stared down at you. He had never hit you before in the years you had been together. He never raised a hand to you, but then again, he never raised one for you either.

You could not imagine how much worse this would get. You left sick to your stomach when he grabbed your chin, tilting your head upright to look at him, stroking his fingers across your stinging cheek as his eyes flickered over your face in thought.

"Truth to be told, I think it's you who needs to change. I put up with so much from you. You had me in the beginning. Thought I was getting this wild, sex-crazed wife, oh, the fun we use to have. The drunken nights." He stiffed a laugh as he let his free hand grab the end of your sweater. "You really had me fooled, didn't you sweetheart?"

You were scared to move. Scared that one wrong move and he would hit you again, maybe worse. You closed your eyes, hoping Peter would answer your prayers. You regretted how much you ever took advantage of his kindness. How long you acted like you never noticed. You had always noticed. You felt his hand push underneath your shirt, and his gaze grazed over your stomach.

You noticed the way his hand froze against the small curve of your rounded stomach and he instantly lifted your shirt to see the problem. Your vision was blurred from your tears as he stared at your stomach with wide eyes. You could tell he was getting pissed.

"Really looks like you've been focusing on yourself." He lets your sweater fall back down over your stomach. His grip was still firm on your jaw, giving you no choice but to look at him. "You have some nerve to leave me. I could bet money it's Parker's. It is, isn't it?"

You could not bring yourself to admit it, but you did not have to.

He shoved your face from his hand, causing you to hit your head hard against the wall as he let you go. "You fucking make me sick."

You tried to keep your sobs quiet, listening to his footsteps moving away from you, listening to him jerking his bags up. "Better it's his problem and not mine." He muttered before slamming the door shut behind him.

You pulled your knees to your chest as you sat up against the wall with a sob. You didn't realize how much you needed Peter until now. You were sure he would have been successful if Peter had not have stopped. You hugged your knees as you tried to catch your breath in an attempt to calm yourself down.

After a moment, you took a deep breath as you pushed yourself to your feet. You let out a whimper quiet, feeling mild cramps in your lower stomach. You frowned as you turned the lock to the door, pressing your forehead against it as you held your stomach from the pain. It only seemed to worsen the longer you stood there. You weren't sure what was going on, but you had a feeling whatever it was, it was not good. You stood like that hoping the cramps would ease, but they never did.

It was close to the end of class when Peter's phone vibrated in his pocket. He pulled it out of his phone slightly to see who it was. He glanced up at the professor who had still proceeded with his lecture and Peter lowered his head to answer. He knew something had to be wrong if you were calling him after all this time of avoiding him.

"Y/n? Is everything okay?"

"I think something is wrong." You whimpered quietly and he raises an eyebrow slightly.

"What do you mean "wrong"? Is the baby okay?" He looked up at the teacher who was making eye contact with him now as he talked.

"I don't know." You answered honestly.

That was all it took to get Peter moving. He grabbed his books off of his desk and tossed them in his bag while he scrambled from the classroom.

"It hurts." You rubbed your lower stomach like you always did when you had cramps before. Cramps were normal, but with being pregnant, you could never be too sure what they really meant.

"I know, love. I'm so sorry. Hang tight. I'm on my way." He reassured you as he sprinted out of the building.

---

You lay back on the hospital bed, sighing as Peter ran his hand over your bump in gentle circles. For once, you let him. Your cramps had surprisingly lessened since Peter had shown up, but he did not want to take any chances. It was better to be safe than sorry. He was so worried about you and the baby.

Nurses had been in and out of the room, doing blood work, swabbing, anything necessary to get to the bottom of this. Peter was quiet as he sat on the side of the hospital bed, focused on the massage he was giving your stomach. This was the first time he had touched you since the night you found out you were pregnant.

You could not help back to smile slightly to yourself as his long gentle fingers worked over your skin. He must have sensed your stare because it was not long before his eyes glancing up to meet your stare.

He raised an eyebrow curiously. "Is this okay? I'm not making it worse, am I?"

You shook your head. "It's fine. I'm just watching."

He smiled at you while he continued his massage to your tummy. His eyes looked toward the door when a nurse came in, rolling some equipment over to the bedside.

"Miss. Y/l/n, your lab work should not be much longer. If you do not mind, I would like to do an ultrasound to check on the baby. Is that okay with you?"

You nodded and Peter took his hands back to let her work. She rolled over a chair, taking some gel and squirting some across your lower stomach. The nurse rolled the transducer over the gel and smearing it in as she applied some pleasure in search of a heartbeat. You watched her roam your stomach, biting your bottom lip. Your eyes widened slightly when the sound of the baby's beating heart filled the room. Once the nurse got a clear view, she turned the screen to show you and Peter what she was seeing.

You looked over at the monitor, your heart fluttered slightly at the first sight of your baby. That was your baby, even if it was only a little bean now. You could not stop the smile from forming on your lips. This little bean was life was growing inside of you. This brought a whole new light to your pregnancy. It was like a light had switched on. You did not know how to explain the overwhelming feeling. It felt more real after seeing him or her.

Peter was just as taken back as you. His grin never faded at the sight of your baby. It only made him 10x more eager to be a dad.

"Look at that. Already looks like me." Peter teased and you giggled, considering he or she was not much more than a heartbeat at the moment.

"I can definitely see it." You grinned as Peter rest his hand over yours, sliding his fingers between yours. He brought your hand to his lips before pressing a kiss to the back of it. You watched him kiss your hand and shivered slightly. You did not know what to think of everything at this point.

The nurse checked the baby's heartbeat before turning to the computer behind her and check your lab results with a quiet hum as she scrolled through your charts.

"Well, it seems like everything is just fine. Your baby is certainly healthy and has one of the strongest heartbeats I have ever heard." You looked over at Peter and he only grinned. You could thank Peter for that and all of his spidey senses.

"Your blood pressure was pretty high though and considering your history, your blood pressure has always been perfect. Have you been stressed out lately?" She looked back at you and you nodded slightly.

You were ashamed at how stressed you had let yourself get. "Well, I won't ask for details but if it is anything I can help you with, I would be happy to help. If not, I would stay to keep the stress to a minimum. Your baby does feel anything you feel, so some things can be too much and really take a toll on them." She explained. "Think of this as your baby reminding you to breathe."

You smiled, feeling Peter giving your hand a warm squeeze.

"If your blood pressure does continue to be high, we will see if we can do something to help." You nodded again as she made out some prints of your ultrasound and handing them to you. "If you don't have any questions, I'll let one of the other nurses know and they can keep your paperwork ready for you to go home." She took a paper towel and wiped your stomach clean before tossing it.

With that, she gathered up her equipment before rolling it out of the room with her. You pulled your sweater back down over your stomach.

"Hear that. Now do me a favor and leave all of the worrying up to me." He looked up at you as your eyes stayed glued to your ultrasound prints. His eyes flickered over your face, landing on the bruising mark on your cheek. He reached up, moving a piece of hair back of your face to get a better look. You flinched at the contact. Peter seemed taken back by your flinch.

"What happened? How'd you get that?" You kept your head down with a small frown.

"I invited Chris over to get his stuff. He thought I was taking him back. He didn't take it well." You explained and his eyes widened.

"He hit you?!" You reached Peter's hand as he started to jump up from the bed. "I'll kill him. I swear to you-"

"Peter, please. It's over with now." You assured him, tugging his hand to pull him back to the bed to sit down again. "He's not worth it."

Peter frowned, letting out a deep sigh before leaning in and pressing a gentle kiss to your cheek. He did not want to stress you any more than you had already been. "I'm sorry he did that to you. I wish I could have been there."

"Honestly, I needed this. It made letting go of him a lot easier."

"Was that all he did?"

You grew quiet.

"Did he..."

"No, he didn't." You shook your head after he could finish his sentence. "He saw that I was pregnant and left."

Peter tried to keep his composure as his fist clenches out of your sight. He could not imagine how someone could lay a single finger on you with intentions to hurt you. He was quiet. He was trying to hold it together for your sake.

"He didn't say anything?"

You stayed quiet for a moment, rubbing your thumb across the print. "Just that he was glad it was your problem and not his." You shrugged your shoulders slightly. "Even though it's not a problem, I am glad it's you and not him. I can't imagine what it would be like to have a baby with someone that selfish."

His clenched fist loosened at your words and his eyes softened. He could not believe his ears. Were you really saying this?

His cheeks blushed a deep shade of red. "You mean that?"

You smiled at him with a nod. "I do. You're so selfless and care so much about what you can do for others. Even though I've been selfish, you still stuck by my side. I honestly couldn't ask for a better father for my baby."

His smile widened as he looked at you, resting his hand on your small bump. "Our baby."

You rested your hand on top of his with a smile, nodding your head. "Our baby." You agreed.

---

It was not long after that the nurse gave you the okay to leave. Peter had stopped to get you something to eat before he took you home. He wanted to make sure you had been fed. All of the little things like this had slowly pulled you closer Peter. You were not used to how observant and patient he was. As much as you knew how wrong your whole situation was, you could not help but to give in to it. Despite your age, Peter had treated you better than any other guy you had been with. Even better than the one you had been with for years. Peter was the blessing you never knew you needed. He was the blessing in disguise.

He held onto your hand, walking up the steps to your apartment and using the keys to unlock the door for you. He didn't expect you to let him stay. All he wanted was to make sure you were okay before he left you alone.

"Thank you for everything." You looked up at him as you both stood in front of your door.

He smiled down at you. "You don't have to thank me."

"You know I owe you."

He rolled his eyes playfully. "You don't owe me anything. You're having our baby. I consider that payment enough." He teases, his hands resting on your waist. He could not help but touch you. In every possible, he would if he could. Your cheeks blushed at his response, looking down but Peter let his finger hook underneath your chin to tilt your head back up. Your lips were barely an inch apart when the moment was quickly ruined.

"What the fuck is going on here?!" A familiar voice pulled you from your moment, making your heart sink to the pit of your stomach when the realization hit. You did not even have to look over to know it was May. Her face was red in anger when your eyes met hers. "You ignore me for weeks and when I come to check on you, you're smacking lips with my nephew?! What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Your lips parted to say something, but no words came out. You did not where to begin with explaining yourself to her. You knew this was all wrong, but it was all too late.

"I thought you were hurt, but obviously, you're perfectly fine." She was fuming.

You never wanted her to find out this way. You wished you had more time to think about it and figure out a better way, but this was it. This was the moment of truth and you were terrified to lose your best friend. You felt tears forming in your eyes and Peter frowned.

"Aunt May, stop."

"Stop?! I'm not going to stop! You're not going to use my nephew so you can get over your worthless ex-boyfriend."

"Aunt May!"

You fought to hold back your tears until you could not anymore. You felt the tears running down your face. As much of a low blow that was, you felt you deserved to hear it. "Peter, i-it's okay." You struggled to form your words. You were hurt, embarrassed, ashamed.

"No, it's not." He shook his head, pointing a finger at May as she stood only a few feet distance from the two of you by her car. "You've gone too far."

"I don't understand how you think this is okay, Y/n." She shook her head, ashamed at you.

"I didn't expect for it to be like this. I didn't mean for any of this to happen." You confessed.

"Just like you never meant for all those one-night stands to happen huh? I trusted you!" She yelled, making you flinch. You hung your head in defeat, glancing at Peter with sad eyes before going inside. You could not stomach the rest of the conversation without sobbing. You tried to calm yourself once you were inside.

"That's enough!" Peter yelled suddenly. "I am capable of making my own decisions. I don't need you to decide what is best for me, Aunt May. I'm not here against my will and neither is she."

"She's supposed to be my friend." She didn't know what to make of this.

"You're supposed to be my Aunt! You knew how hard I crushed over her. For years you knew."

"I thought it was just a crush."

He moved closer to her in the parking lot. It was never just a crush. He was head over heels for you. "I love her. I've always loved her. You're can either respect it or accept it, because it's either way, she's pregnant and nothing is going to change that." He stood by her car.

Her mouth fell open in shock. She did not know what to think. Never in a million years would have thought this would happen, but then again never would have you.

"Pregnant?" Her voice was quiet.

He nodded. "I'm gonna be a dad, Aunt May." He pulled his copy of the prints out of his wallet and showing them to her.

She was at a loss for words. He was right. There was nothing she could do about that. May stared at the prints for a moment, trying to process everything in the short time it had all happened.

"Peter... I don't understand..."

"She almost had a miscarriage today because she's been stressing herself out over Chris. You're not going to take this away from me." He looks down at her, taking the prints back from her." He looked down at her as she stared back with a small frown. "Go home, Aunt May before we both do something we'll regret. You can come back when you're ready to apologize for this." He held the car door open for her and she hesitated before slowly getting in the car.

She knew she was in the wrong for how she had handled things, but Peter did not give her the chance to even risk making things worse. Peter felt deep in his heart despite everything she would come around. She would realize how happy you made him and she would accept it, but for now, she needed to leave.

Peter walked back to your front door, knocking on the door with a sigh. After a few moments, you moved from your spot on the couch to answer the door. You opened it slightly to see Peter and you glanced behind him at May's car pulling out of the parking lot.

"How are you?" He frowned when he saw your red watery eyes.

"I feel awful."

He sighed when you finally let go of the door and he stepped inside of the apartment. He let the door close behind him. His arms wrapped around your body instantly, pulling you against mine as he hugged you, resting his head against yours and kissing the top of it. "I'm so sorry. I know it's hard to believe now, but she'll come around. Just give her some time."

"She was going to find out sooner or later. I expected that reaction. I just wasn't prepared for it right now." You pointed out as your head rested against his chest, letting him hold onto you.

You closed your eyes, listening to his heartbeat. You relaxed in his arms. Your eyes were burning from all the tears shed. Peter scooped your body up in his arms bridal style, carrying you down the hall to the bedroom. He laid you down on the bed, sliding into the bed with you as his arms naturally found their way around your waist. Your head fell to his chest as you got lost in your thoughts for a moment.

"I'm starting to think I can never make the right choices." You admitted, laughing slightly to yourself and Peter tilted your head up to look at him.

His lips pressed a kiss to your nose. "Sometimes, the wrong choices bring us to the right places." He assured you before leaning in to close the space between your lips and kissing your lips.

He was true to word. No matter how much you held yourself back, every wrong choice you had ever made in your life brought you to this moment with Peter. This opportunity with Peter to finally get your life right. It was your chance to allow yourself the happiness you knew you both deserved.

End Credits Scene

He was not sure how long he had been sitting with his wrists and ankles restrained to a chair in the middle of a dark room. Maybe hours. It even could have been days. He was not sure. His eyes blinked rapidly to adjust to the light that poured into the room when he finally heard a heavy door open.

"Oh good, you're awake." He was covered in sweat from fear and the heat of the closed-off room. He could make out bits of a red and blue suit. His eyes must have been playing tricks on him. When his eyes finally adjusted to the light, his eyes widened at the sight of Spiderman in front of him. He did not understand what was going on. Spiderman is supposed to save people.

His mouth was covered with solid webbing so he could not speak.

"I'm sure you're wondering why you're here." Peter moved closer to him as he spoke. He leaned down, ripping the webbing from Chris' mouth and making him cry out in pain from the grip it had on his skin. "You see Chris if there's one thing I hate, it's people who hurt the people I care about."

"W-What are you talking about? I haven't done anything."

"Don't play dumb." Peter gritted his teeth underneath his mask, backhanding Chris across the face before gripping his jaw. "You know exactly what you did, but that's okay because it won't happen again. You'll never touch Y/n again. I'll make sure of that."

Blood dripped from Chris's mouth from how hard Peter hit him. "I should fucking kill you for putting your hands on her." He smirked to himself when Chris starts squirming under his grip. "But I won't."

"I won't. I won't touch her again. I swear-"

"Oh, I know you won't." Peter let go of his jaw before backing up towards the door again.

"W-Where are you going? Aren't you going to let me go?" Chris started to panic as Peter pulled his mask off for Chris to see his face. He wanted this to be the last thing he saw if he died and the thing he would definitely remember if he lived.

"I didn't say I was going to let you go. I said I wasn't going to kill you." He smiled and Chris's mouth fell open slightly at the sight of Peter Parker standing before him. "I was thinking we could make a game out of this. I hear you like games. Let's see just how important you really are. I'm gonna leave you here and we're gonna see if your friends succeed with their search party if they even send one out. I can't imagine what they would care about scum like you for, but I guess we'll see. I give you about 48 hours before your body finishes you off itself. That should give you more than enough time to think about what I've said. That's if you do make it and I don't really have faith that's gonna happen, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. I expect you to get the hell out of New York. I promise to you if ever see you again, I'll kill you."

Chris swallowed hard as Peter stood in the doorway once more, the sun outlining his figure at the door. He was scared of the possibility of not being found. He was furious that a guy like Peter was capable of putting him in a situation like this.

"They'll find me and when they do, you're a dead man, Peter Parker." He pulled at the restraints on his arms with all of his might but he did not stand a chance against the webbing. Peter made it look so easy.

Peter grinned at Chris's promise. He loved the challenge. The possibility that even if someone did find him, he would have the pleasure of killing him himself. It amused Peter that Chris could even have the nerve to threaten him in the position he was in.

"Well, let the game begin." He gave a wave as he started to pull the door closed. Chris yelled to the top of his lungs until the heavy metal door ceased his screams.

[lichdragon-fortissax]

hello, so maybe i'm dumb, but I never understood why Marika wanted to separate herself from the Golden Order. like. was it because she realised that she would be eventually replaced with someone else? To me it always seemed that her morals were not so different from the vision of the Greater Will on how the world should operate (also sorry for any mistakes, I'm not native eng speaker)

I had no problem understanding you! Your English is perfect, don't worry :)

As for why Marika wanted to seperate herself from the Golden Order- my interpretation was that she was totally in cahoots with the Greater Will for the majority of her life, with her working as its vassal early on and then eventually becoming elevated to the vessel of the Elden Ring- and thus a means for the Greater Will to control life- after she conquered the Lands Between. During this time, this basically bound her to the Greater Will and made her the head of the Golden Order, with her creating Radagon to fight the wars on the frontline while she hung back and organized her kingdom, speaking for the Greater Will. During this time, the reign of the Golden Order hit its peak, with Marika coaxing miracles from the Erdtree to strengthen the pure, the Erdtree itself filtering out the impure from the cycle of rebirth as the Greater Will seperated life into categories, and all the atrocities of the downtrodden being established so that they would have slaves to keep their empire afloat. Marika was a conquerer then, and was completely in line with what the Greater Will wanted her to do. She was its vessel, the Golden Order was her way of controlling people, and so she was the god of everyone by proxy.

Sometime after this golden age happened, however, Marika started losing faith. I can't recite it exactly, but one of Melina's recountings of her words has her saying that the time for blind faith has passed, and that the followers of the Golden Order must approch it with a more critical eye. We don't know what caused this break in faith, but it's the first sign that Marika began to doubt the rule of the Greater Will. And then from that point forward (perhaps the start of her reign's downfall), she just kept getting more and more disillusioned with the rule she ordered, until she eventually saw that what she did was wrong, and tried to strike down what she created. The issue, however, is that she herself has been the vessel of a god for so long that she was then rendered completely incapable of killing it herself, which lead to the Shattering ultimatly failing in killing the Greater Will.

You can choose from a variety of theories as to why her faith began to dwindle- she started to notice the withering toll the lack of death had on the reborn, she began to see how blind and corrupt her followers became when given a rule they thought they had to follow no matter what, the Greater Will's opinions shifting on the Primordial Crucible grated against her own beliefs- but I personally think that her locking the Omen Twins in the Shunning-Grounds was what caused the first crack*. Marika is a terribly cold mother, and an awfully selfish person (it was alright to kill or hide away Omen children until HER babies were born cursed), but we do know that she cared for her children in her own odd, twisted way. The grief from Godwyn's death was the catalyst for her shattering the Elden Ring, after all, so it wouldn't be too far off for her to have started to rethink her life choices when her two wanted sons had to be chained underground because the Greater Will considered traits that were once considered blessed to be undesirable. In fact, because she herself had to confer with the Elden Beast, she might have felt the full brunt of its disgust, and while it didn't stop her from agreeing to it, it DID make her reconsider what she had caused so much suffering for

*This, of course, does not absolve her of her sins, or erase the fact that she was a terrible mother who was directly responsible for her son's abuse. It's just a logical explaination based on her apparent love for Godwyn- if she loved her first child, then she likely wanted her twins, and would have had a hard time condemning them bc of it

[lovelosescongrats]

and the universe said I love you, and I’m so sorry

jimmy knows that the world usually try their best. they always try to give him as much time as possible; a sad attempt at a happy ending before the watchers inevitably win their doomed game of tug of war over his fate. he's thankful for it—he is, okay, he really is—but tonight he's tired, he's angry, and he's at his wits end. and maybe he's not thinking things through too much, maybe the fact that scott is still ignoring him even after attempt and attempt to befriend the man makes him furious and annoyed and many other emotions he can't name, but he screams at the universe why bother? why give me a taste of happiness when I'm going to have to sing it away anyways?

the world seems shocked at his outburst, curling away from him so he can't get a clear read on her. the air in his wooden house grows just a bit colder, and he swears he hears the waves outside his window lap higher and hit the weathered foundations of his empire harder. jimmy regrets the words the moment they leave his mouth. sorry, he offers up. I'm being selfish.

the waves keep crashing loudly onto the shore outside his rattling windows. for a long time, the world does not respond.

they like to watch you suffer, she says at last. they believe that if you have not gained anything before you lose, then you have not really lost anything. and that is not entertaining for them to watch.

my powers are always limited, canary. I may be the world itself, but I am easily manipulated—as are you—and there are so many things I cannot do. and for that, I am so sorry. I could not do more, but I wish so dearly I could.

the waves stop crashing so loudly. if he squints, he can sort of see the moon reflected in the murky swamp water. if he squints even harder, he can maybe see the tops of rivendell's towers reflected on the surface, but it's more likely that it's just a mixture of his imagination and wishful thinking.

what can you do? he asks.

little and less, she responds. I can nudge you along the crossroads of destiny so you will have an easier time, but I cannot change your choice. I guide, but only you choose if you follow. I can control the small details, the fine print, but they get to pick the important ones.

the world pauses. not to say that the small things are not important. they are, if you will it to be.

the word is not important, I don't think. impactful.

I don't suppose you can make scott talk to me, can you?

no, canary, I cannot. I'm sorry.

yeah, jimmy wasn't exactly holding out much hope for that. scott could be incredibly stubborn and petty if he put his mind to it, and once he had decided on something it was rare for him to budge. it had been an admirable trait on him, but jimmy couldn't find much affection for it when he was on the sharp end of scott's cold and dogged refusal to even acknowledge him.

I showed him to you, the world whispers. back when I was steeped in blood and tears and tragedy. you were in the stone, so I opened up a crack for him to find you.

he loved you. he loved you so much, that I...that I almost regretted letting him find you. in all the different worlds in which I have found you, canary, I have been content knowing that you were happy, that you had the time and the space to experience joy before they had to upend your lives into chaos and suffering. but with him, I fear the moment of happiness I gave you only made your end all the more sorrowful.

jimmy doesn't regret the time he spent with scott on 3rd life. he doesn't want to. he has his regrets, sure—not spending more time with lizzie before the seas swept her away, not being able to do more for his people—but loving scott has never been one. and he doesn't really blame the universe for gently guiding scott along his way. if loving scott during what little time they had in those flower fields had made his end a tragedy, then he would gladly play his part in this sad tale over and over again. if loving scott would damn him into the fiery pits of hell, then so be it, and let him walk into hell with scott’s love light on his mind. anything, long as he could hold the memory of scott's smile dear to his heart for the rest of his life, and the one after and after and after that.

I would have done it again, he tells the world. long as he gave me the chance, I would do it all over again.

but he doesn’t love me now, does he? he can barely stand to talk to me. jimmy reminds himself, defeated. he wants to laugh, he wants to cry, and he wants to scream until all these emotions bubbling under the skin spill out, staining his wooden floors red and rot.

oh canary, the world titters, love is a curious thing. it blinds and it takes, and sometimes it burns just as it warms. 

I wish I could tell you that time will tell, but..

time is something I don’t usually have much of. jimmy finishes for the world. I know. 

the wind blows in from the gap under his wooden door, and it sounds like the world is sighing in pity for him. when you sing, canary, I will be there with you, the world promises. and until then, be brave, and know that you are loved. 

it’s a clear dismissal, and jimmy bows his head to the world. I’m sorry, he repeats again, unsure for what.

save the apology, canary. it will not do any one of us any good. 

[dancingazaleas]

𖨆. 05 / all for us

summary: after the recent incident, you don’t feel a real reason to live. so why try to live?

note: this was supposed to be longer, but i loved how it ended. i’m also a suffering from headaches again. please be patient with me. also, PLEASE READ THE WARNINGS IVE LISTED. this is a DARK chapter.

taglist: @the-sun-baby @voltairelesecond @baelo80 @uniquepickle @ascybous @saturnalya @messyhairday-me @stupid-stinky

word count: 1.4k

warnings/notes: cursing, suicidal thoughts, self harm, attempt of suicide, dark, panic attack

YOU lay on the floor of your closet once again, the scratchy carpet being the only thing that provided you with warmth. the only person you'd seen for the past few days was erwin. anytime he'd even mention levi, you'd beg for him not to see you.

you groan quietly, deciding to go lay in your bed for a while so your skin won't keep itching. your foot chills when it touches the hardwood floor of your room, and it distracts you from the task at hand.

you're dizzy now, only being able to focus on your foot. it didn't help much since you collapsed onto your side, breathing heavily through your nose as you stare blankly to the wall. you haven't stood up for hours, opting to leave the closet only to go to the restroom.

you blink while getting back onto your feet, hand pressed against your head as if you were soothing it. you decide to go to the bathroom, if you go now that means you won't have to go later.

you watch your hands afterwards, tired eyes watching your reflection in the crystal clear mirror.

your face was bruised, you have a black eye and a deep cut on your cheek from levi's wedding band.

you look back down to your hands, wanting to focus on something else in order to soothe yourself. you don't bother to dry your hands off with a towel, opting to shaking them around in the air.

your feet drag against the floor as you jump into your bed, body smoothly sliding across it so your head rests against a pillow. you curl up under the covers, genuine warmth crashing against your body for the first time in days. it's almost overwhelming, but you can't find it in yourself to care.

you watch a movie to help pass the first hour and a half of you being outside of the closet. you play another movie for background noise, getting off of your bed and walking to the bookshelf.

you grab a black book with white font, grabbing a smaller blanket and throwing it over your lap once you sit in a chair.

you’re going to read some of this book and then retreat back to your safe space whenever they come to feed you.

even though you’re reading the story, you can barely comprehend the words along with the plot line. everything seems to be a jumbled mess inside of your mind, so much that it makes your head hurt right behind your eyes. time stretches longer than you meant for it to as you keep rereading all the sentences, hoping to gain at least a tiny bit of understanding.

you’re attention is taken away by the sound of the door opening and closing. you’d been so focused you hadn’t even noticed that someone was coming to see you. and not only was it someone, it was levi.

the book falls out of your hands and onto the floor, eyes wide as you stare at levi with fear.

he’s holding your tray of food for lunch, which you don’t think you’ll be eating today since it’s not erwin who’s going to feed you.

levi tries not to get irritated at the way your body is trembling. he hasn’t even said a single word and you’re already cowering.

when levi steps closer, you jump out of the chair and into the corner furthest from him. you cry out for erwin, for help, anyone that will be able to take levi away from you.

it startles levi for a moment, but it’s soon replaced with frustration as he makes another step.

you scream while tears gush out of your eyes, nailing planting onto the wall you’re up against. levi angrily puts the tray of food down onto your windowsill, metal and glass clinking against one another in unsynchronized harmony.

for whatever reason, it has you screeching with you dropping to the floor and cover your head with your arms. levi’s worried and goes to make a move towards you, but you’re too frightened to think.

your screeching has his head pounding, so much that he’s silently praying that erwin would just come in already.

“i’m—i’m trying to fucking help!” he barks at you, stomping his foot onto the hardwood flooring.

you jump once more, protecting yourself more than before.

levi goes to scream again, but he’s interrupted by the door to your room slamming open.

erwin’s there, half dressed and messy hair while his eyes frantically scan the area. his eyes widen at the sight of your cowering, quickly rushing over to you to sit in front of you.

“what happened,” he asks levi while cautiously pressing a hand to your knee.

“i just walked in and she just went batshit,” levi says with exasperation, confusion and anger flashing on his face.

“get out. you scare her,” he orders with furrowed brows, stroking the skin of your kneecap with his thumb.

levi scoffs but listens anyways, shutting the door behind him.

“my love, everything’s okay. it’s just us now,” he murmurs sweetly, managing to coax you out of your panicked state just a bit.

“us? j... just us,” your voice is shaky as your hand absentmindedly reaches out for erwin.

“yes, just us,” he confirms with a smile, managing to gather you in his large arms.

you continue to cry, only this time you can breathe.

“can’t be with ‘im... i’m scared,” you admit while attaching yourself to erwin, “so scared.”

shushing you, he coos, “you can, i believe in you.”

wrong choice.

“no! no! NO,” you start to trash in his arms, once again entering the almost inconsolable mind state.

since he wasn’t expecting your panicked reactions, you manage to kick him in the chest and push him away. his body bangs against the stool of your vanity, knocking it onto his side with a loud crash.

levi runs back inside, watching how you jump to your feet and over to your vanity. erwin manages to scoot further away from you, slightly unsure of your next move.

you’re sobbing uncontrollably as you slam your fast into your vanity’s mirror. it’s so clean, not a smudge on it. not even a speck of lint. it’s perfect.

the shards cut your hand, but you don’t care, too high on adrenaline. levi and erwin go to disarm you just as you manage to grasp a particularly large and sharp shard of glass.

the moment it’s in your hand, you raise your opposite wrist to the glass while screaming at the two men.

“NOT ANOTHER STEP,” you cry as you push the glass against your skin, freezing both levi and erwin, “not another fucking step or i kill myself with this shard right fucking here.”

“(name), my love, it’s alright! it’s okay! no one’s going to hurt you,” erwin barely moves an inch while he pleads, but you don’t care.

“I SAID NOT ANOTHER STEP!!” you roar while slicing the glass against your skin, blood immediately pouring from the new wound.

dark red paints the glass as your finger swipes against the blood by accident.

“get out,” you whimper, “just leave me alone to die, please.”

“we can’t do that,” levi says calmly, accidentally taking a step out of instinct.

it feels comparable to flour whenever the blade slices through your pretty skin. it burns and you know that you might end up having to get stitches from just how deep it is if you want to live. and considering you can only really get stitches from hospitals, you say your goodbyes in your head.

“if you can’t do that,” your vision is starting to grow hazy as your breath comes out ragged, “then, i’ll just kill myself right here, knife at the vein.”

this is the only way you’ll be free again. the only way you’ll be away from them. the only way you’ll probably ever get to see your friends again.

your hope has dwindled into nothing. you know you cannot get away, not in a million years. now, there’s only one way to escape. death.

and by god if you let one of them slaughter you.

and so, you slash your arm once more right against the vein. blood oozes from the wound with ease while your eyes roll back and your knees hit the floor. the last thing you see is erwin and levi running towards you with panicked looks on their faces. it almost makes you laugh.

you hope to see them in hell.

[mesukohi]

Embers

Isuka x Portgas D. Ace

Summary:

A familiar face visits Ace a few hours prior his execution

Abandon all your hope, ye who enter here is scribbled on the dusty brick walls that surrounded a certain flame commander. Goosebumps raises in response to the cold air that swiftly caresses skin, a touch from the reaper himself, meaning to guide him into river Styx to what could be the heaven or the underworld. He had already forgotten the concept of time, the absence of sunlight making the difference of day and night blurry to those who are unfortunate enough to end up in impel down. The shackles made of sea stone continued to suffocate his wrist, cutting away the demon blood that circulated his weakened body.

He has no regrets, that's for sure.

Even though that shadows of death is near, he will wholeheartedly welcome it with open arms. As long as luffy is safe. As long as pops is safe. That is all that matters.

The sounds of footsteps nearing his cell snapped the freckled man from his thoughts. A warden he barely know hits the metal bars to alert him that a visitor has arrived to see him. He wasn't expecting one in all honesty, but if this visitor is able to reach impel down in such a short notice, perhaps the unknown guest is someone who has name and power in regards to the government.

And he was right.

There, in front of his cell is a woman with fiery hair he was too familiar with. Her once short locks has now reached her hips, gloved hand hiding the burnt scars that he used to kiss. Her eyes glowed sienna against the harsh lighting, and on her shoulders was the coat of justice that the navies wore with pride. She was not a mere ensign anymore by the way those medals hung against her crisp uniform but still, he knows, that she remained that kind and loving woman he met years ago.

"Isuka" he breathes, parched throat rasping her name instead.

"Its nice to see you again, Firefist" the redhead greets, arms crossing indignantly. "I never thought the day would come that I won't be happy to see you locked up in a cell"

"Fiesty as ever" he chuckled "Did you just visit me so that you could tell that joke?"

"No, not really" she stepped closer, eyes adjusting to meet the the prisoner's lonely gaze "I'm here to visit an old friend"

"We're not just friends, Isu" Ace cleared, the corner of his lips stretching to form a bitter smile.

"Call me Captain Isuka now, that nickname doesnt matter anymore" she answered, voice firm.

"You used to love it when I called you that"

"Damn it Ace, just stop!" the navy exclaimed, lone boot stomping against the ground. "All of that is in the past now. We made our choices! We took different paths that are polar opposites and there's nothing we can do to change it!" Tears began to form on the corner of her eyes, the naval biting her lips to prevent the waterworks from falling "This is not the time and place... I don't even know if there will be one. For once in your life, can you please let me say goodbye in peace?"

"I won't die Isu" Ace assured lovingly, "As long as my brothers can remember me, as long as you hold me in your memory I wont"

"But I don't want you to be a memory" Isuka broke "I want you alive. I want to see your bounty raise, I want to see the changes of your smiles in your damn wanted posters. I want you to live!"

"But it's too late now is it?" he retorted, brown irises gleaming sadly "I made my choice Isu. This is the life I wanted. The best thing you could do is keep pops and luffy safe"

"But what about me?! Did you even took the time to think what I wanted?! Why are you always so stubborn, Ace!" she snapped, gloved hands gripping the metal bars that separated her and her beloved "Your ears were always closed. You never listen to anybody! Now look at you! I can't even hold you. I cant even touch you let alone kiss you goodbye!"

Slowly, her knees fell to the ground, pained sobs echoing against the cold brick walls.

"You should've listened to me and became a warlord. That way, at least we have the slightest chance to be together"

"I... can't. I won't" the pirate answered, head held down guiltily "Even if you ask me now, my answer will be the same. That position is not for me, you know that more than anyone"

"And I respect that but still..." she inhales deeply, harvesting enough courage to quell the fire on her chest "I suppose I just have to suck it up and accept that this is not our time" she began, watery eyes meeting his "Maybe in another world we were meant to be happy. But not here. Not in this one. We were meant to meet each other but we are not fated to be together. And it hurts Ace! Its ripping me apart"

"I know" he answered, the flood on his cheeks starting "And it hurts me to see you suffer. This is my fault. Just forget about me and move on. You deserve to be happy"

"Don't ask me to move on as if that's an easy feat!" she yelled back, snot dripping from her nose "Do you think I have moved on already when we left each other years ago? For fuck's sake Ace, I never did! I won't be standing in front of you right now if I've already forgotten you. You are hard to forget! The happiness we shared before is tattooed in my mind and it surfaces no matter how much i suppress it!"

Footsteps echoed abruptly, indicating that the guard from before has returned to fetch the visitor. The redhead raises her hand, asking for a few more minutes in which the warden grumbled "two" before standing prostate on the side. Isuka darts back at the guilt ridden prisoner, memorizing the face that will soon depart the living world.

"I will not be in marineford Ace" she admitted, taking a step back from his cell "I'm not going to stand there and watch you die. Im not going to fight the people you hold on your heart dearly. I'll be home waiting until this nightmare ends"

She turned on her heels, preparing to leave.

"I am thankful to have met you. I am thankful that you loved me. I am thankful of the fond memories that you have given me. I know I shouldn't be saying this but... I do hope that your father will be able to save you. Goodbye, Firefist"

"Isu, wait!" he calls, making the navy captain stop on her tracks "Do you... Do you still love me?" he asked exasperatedly.

She gives him a gentle smile, eyes filled with a lonely light as she spoke.

"I never stopped loving you, Ace. And I will continue to love you no matter where you are"

There are eight more hours until Portgas D. Ace's execution. And right now, he realizes that he has one regret.

[nsfwnct]

Killing Me

Pairing: Jaehyun + F Reader

Genre: Smut

Warnings: Murderer!au, Non Con, force, bondage (duct tape), degradation, manipulation (gaslighting), HARDCORE THEMES, blood, death threats, body fluids.

Word Count: 1282

WARNING: This fic contains EXTREME themes that are PURELY for fantasy purposes. I do not condone any of these actions outside of a fantasy setting. This fic contains NON CONSENSUAL penetration. This fic should not be read by ANY person who does not take interest in CNC/NONCON, Heavy dark themes and/or horror.

Summary: Reader walks in on their boyfriend, Jaehyun, having just commit murder. Jaehyun is furious that she would ever think he would hurt her and takes it out in the reader.

This has to be a dream.

You stood in the hallway of the home you shared with Jaehyun, speechless as your blood ran cold at the scene you had walked in to.

Your beloved boyfriend was stood Infront of the bathroom door, dishevelled and covered in stains of deep red. You had to be seeing things.

"Baby. You weren't supposed to be home for a few hours..." He speaks as gentle as he could but the man speaking isn't YOUR Jae. He couldn't be. His eyes are almost pitch black and there's a hint of something devilish deep in his voice as he steps toward you, wiping his hands on his light wash jeans only to add to the smears of crimson that had already tainted the fabric.

"What... What's going on... Jae..." He can hear the fear in your voice and, though he hadn't intended for this to happen, he can't help but find a sick sense of pleasure at the sight of you inching away from him, your instincts telling you to make yourself small as if it were possible for you to disappear from your nightmare.

"He deserved it, angel. You know me. Why would I ever do something if it wasn't necessary?" You startled when he takes another step forward, taking 3 back out of fear of what he may do. How could this be the man you had spent the last year and a half of your life with.

"Come on, baby. You don't think I'd hurt you, do you?" He shakes his head, your lower back bumping against the kitchen table. He has you trapped where you are, a hand meeting your hips softly as the other holds your chin. "How could you possibly think so lowly of me? I've always been good to you, haven't I? I've never hurt you, baby." Your mind is fuzzy with a mixture of fear, confusion and adrenaline, his words twisting in your mind.

"You... Is he..." He presses a cold kiss against your lips, a copper taste meeting your tongue from where his lip had been cut, assumably during the struggle of his crime. It's a taste that makes you want to push him away from you and run but you knew you didn't stand a chance against him.

"Well of course. I always finish what I start, don't I?" There's a hint of a smile tainting his lips as he stares down at you, pressing another more aggressive kiss to your lips. His displeasure is clear when you don't return his kiss and his grip moves from your jaw to your cheeks, squeezing slightly and holding your head still.

You try to avoid eye contact, angering him further. "How could you be so cruel, my love? I've always given you everything you could possibly want and yet you act like this over a moral disagreement?" He's truly a master manipulator, succeeded in planting a seed of guilt in the pit of your stomach.

"Jaehyun... Please let me go.." A low growl escapes his lips at the suggestion. You would really have the audacity to try and leave him?

"You're so fucking ungrateful." The hand that was holding your cheeks is quickly moved to your hair, grabbing a handful to help him stand you up properly, dragging you forward toward your bedroom. You dare to look into the bathroom as you pass and your heart practically stops when you see the blood painting your once shining white tile.

Your thoughts are quickly interrupted as you're pushed into the bedroom, your body stumbling toward to bed as Jaehyun moves to grab something off your drawers. You don't see what it is as you regain stability for only a second before your arms are being yanked behind your back, duct tape wrapping around your wrist painfully tight. Your struggling is useless, the man you loved shoving you down onto your bed. You stare up at him with pleading eyes.

"Jaehyun, please don't-" Your begging is cut short, tape slapping over your mouth. You can no longer hold back your tears as they spill down your cheeks, the sight only heightening Jaehyun's enjoyment.

"I've always thought you were so pretty when you cried." He muttered, crawling between your legs. He pries them apart, pushing up your skirt and groaning deep withing his throat as he sees the thin fabric of your thong completely soaked. You couldn't help it, of course. He knew that. Your body was sexualising your fear as a coping mechanism. But he loved that. He loved watching your useless struggling as your pussy dripped.

"You know... You're lucky I love you so much, baby." He whispers against your ear, his tongue trailing down your neck as his fingers duck beneath your underwear to rub your clit. "You could have been another victim. That could have been you laying lifeless on the bathroom floor." A moan is forced from you, muffled by the tape as he easily presses two fingers inside of your soaking cunt, thrusting them in and out of you slowly. "But this pussy is too good to kill you."

Your cheeks are covered with mascara, Jaehyun moaning happily when you start crying harder, his jeans being tugged down to free his cock enough for him to start sliding it against your slit. You hate him. Or, you wish you hated him. You were overcome with a heavy feeling of shame upon realising how disgustingly good it felt to have him touch you, almost WANTING him to fuck you. You don't have a choice in that however, his thick cock forcing it's way inside of you. He isn't met with any resistance, your pussy always adjusting to him so easily. He had a power over you that you have never been able to explain.

"Fuck, baby. It's almost like you're enjoying yourself, hm? You're so fucking wet for me." He thrust are rough and messy, his hand wrapping around your throat so tight that you could have sworn you blacked out for a moment.

"I could still kill you. I could end your precious little life with my cock shoved inside you. Wouldn't that feel so good? To die being fucked like a filthy fucking slut?" His words should disgust you. They should make you wish your suffering would end. But they don't. Instead of rejecting the thought, your pussy squeezes tight around him, suddenly hit by your orgasm. Jaehyun is absolutely thrilled, relishing in your uncontrollable whines as your body convulses and twitches.

You do black out at some point, coming to as Jaehyun pulls out of you, grabbing the bottom of your thighs and forcing them toward your chest, crossing your legs and thrusting his cock between your thighs in search of his own high. It's only a minute before he's painting you with his cum, some on your chest and some reaching your face. He could have cum in you, sure, but you look absolutely broken this way.

He doesn't clean you up or attempt to move you off of the now blood stained sheets. You were sure some of it was yours, only now feeling the sting of various cuts along your skin from his nails digging in. He quickly rolls you on to your side, pleased to see how red and marked your wrist were around the tape. He wouldn't be removing it, or the tape over your mouth.

"I'm not done with you, my dearest Bunny. I have to decide how I'm going to keep you in line." He climbs off the bed, pulling his jeans up and reaching for a towel to wipe his hands. "Be sure not to go anywhere."