#once things were settled that one time I haven’t felt the urge to be looking through peoples socials and anything I see is from my timeline

[earthtooz]

x : LUNCH BREAK :*+ﾟ

in which: you don't visit wriothesley during his lunch break after last night's argument, so he goes to the court of fontaine just to see you.

warnings: approx. 1.9k words, PURE FLUFF, gn!reader x pathetic and soppy and lovesick wriothesley, canon setting, reader works at the court of fontaine, post-argument so very minimal angst, probs not in character LOL

a/n: there's not a lot of content regarding fontaine or wriothesley rn so i apologise if this isn't completely in character. what i do not apologise for, however, is the urge to make him as lovesick as possible.

There is a notable tension in the Fortress of Meropide, and although a prison isn’t a place for rainbows and sunshine, today it feels especially devastating. It seems that the lord of the prison is the one responsible for it.

Brooding at his desk, Wriothesley glances occasionally at the clock on his desk, growing more and more impatient with each document he has to read through. He is waiting for something: a knock on his door. He is waiting for the call of his name, the reason for their interruption, then your name will reach his ears and an unmatched excitement will bloom in his chest. Then you’ll slip through the doors with lunch for two, he’ll pull out a chair for you right beside him, and mask professionalism that betrays the eagerness your presence always brings out. 

Your absence must be because of the argument that happened last night. One that remained unresolved because he went to bed before you, too furious to try to talk it out. Yet, when Wriothesley woke in the morning, a wave of guilt washed over him when you weren’t pressed against him like usual. Instead, you were on the other side of the mattress, further than an arm’s length away whilst turned away from him and Fontaine’s chilly mornings had never felt colder.

If he didn’t need to go to work much earlier than you, he would have waited until you had woken up to leave, but being the lord of the Fortress of Meropide meant that his presence was demanded. So, with a lingering kiss to your cheek and then your temple, he leaves into the dewy mornings of Fontaine, looking forward to his lunch break that the two of you often share together.

Except now, lunch is almost over and there hasn’t been a knock on his door. No one has called his name- not people he cared about, at least. You haven’t slipped through the heavy set of doors. You haven’t come down from the Court of Fontaine to visit him, and Wriothesley’s patience is thinning.

His fingers itch with the need to hold you, to tuck you close to his chest and just keep you there for a few moments as time pass by. Especially after last night, Wriothesley needs you now more than ever. 

By the time there’s only one hour left in the work day, he snaps. Stands up from his seat with an unmatched sense of fervour because of the unnervingly quiet day and snatches his coat from the hanger, leaving documents unread as he makes a beeline for the exit of the prison. The guards listen attentively to Wriothesley’s final commands for the day in his absence and once the information is cemented, the dark-haired is off without another second wasted.

You, on the other hand, sit in your office drowned in piles upon piles of papers. Wriothesley is a passing thought every now and then, the memories of last night’s harsh argument settling like weights in your stomach. You miss Wriothesley, very dearly, and all you want is to settle things with him. However, the image of his furious eyes and clenched jaw terrifies you beyond belief, you’re not even sure if he’ll be calmer by the time you get home, so for the first time ever, you dread the idea of going home. 

What you are completely unaware of, however, is your lover that is storming your way, desperate to receive the medicine that will cure his moodiness and irritation. 

The knock on your door distracts you from the piles of papers on your desk. 

“Who is it?” you call out, voice reverberating around the spaciousness of your office.

“It’s Wriothesley, can I come in?” His tone is sharp and leaves no room for you to reject him, but the mere sound of his voice causes you to stiffen, grip on your pen tightening as the papers before you lay forgotten. 

What is Wriothesley doing here? He normally never comes up to the Court of Fontaine just to see you because leaving the prison would be far too neglectful. There was also half an hour before he was done for the day, so could there be official business that needs to be discussed? Something urgent, perhaps? 

If it was urgent, then why come to you and not Monsieur Neuvillette- or even Lady Furina?

“Yeah- yes, you can come in,” you mutter.

When the door clicks open, Wriothesley practically barges through, door shutting behind him as he marches towards you. Getting up from your chair, you’re frightened with anticipation due to  how intense his stance is. 

“Is something the matter?” You begin, panic seeping into your voice as he pauses before you, determination setting his eyes ablaze as he eyes you down like prey. “Wriothesley, you’re scaring me, did something happen at the prison-”

“Where were you at lunch?” He demands.

You blink. “Excuse me?”

“Why didn’t you come visit?” 

“Is… is why you came up here? To ask why I didn’t visit you during lunch?”

He nods, expression stern as usual save for a small pout.

“I was swamped with work,” you half-lie, gesturing to the desk behind you and although there is clear evidence on your table through the form of stacked folders and paper, a storm of uncertainty brews in his blue eyes. “I couldn’t visit if I wanted to get these done, I apologise.”

The dark-haired frowns. “Is that it?”

“Yes. That’s all.” His eyebrows furrow, creating crease marks in his forehead that you want to kiss away, alleviating his worries, but you hold yourself back from doing so in fear that Wriothesley does not want you touching him. 

However, a switch is flicked when Wriothesley’s stern expression softens, melting into one resembling a kicked dog. “So you’re not upset with me?” 

“Oh, is that also on your mind?”

“Of course, I don’t like it when you’re upset with me,” your lover mutters, looking away bashfully to conceal the reddening of his cheeks. “You aren’t though, right?”

“No, not upset. Scared, maybe, but definitely not upset.” 

His eyes are glossy when he looks back at you. “Scared, why are you scared?” 

“W-we didn’t end on a good note last night,” you rub your wrist nervously. “I didn’t know if you would be happy with seeing me. On top of that, you can be really intimidating sometimes, so admittedly, I was a little scared to come see you just in case that you did not want me there.”

Wriothesley visually deflates with your last statement, shoulders dropping and eyes glistening as he murmurs a small, pathetic, “is that so?”

He wonders what part about him ever made it seem like he never wants you beside him, and the thought that he had frightened you enough to prevent you visiting him is an upsetting one. You must see it in his eyes with the way you frantically begin to explain yourself. 

“Oh no, darling, I didn’t mean it like that-”

He turns his head away again, disappointed in himself. It’s one thing for his prisoners to consider him intimidating but it’s another for you, his own lover, to think so as well, and the thought that he had scared you creates insurmountable shame to swell within him. Yet, his whirlwind of anxieties ceases when your hand goes to cup his cheek, gently prompting him to look at you. Then, a kiss is pressed to the corner of his lips, and his heart skips a beat at the sensation, love blocking his airways when you pull away to smile up at him. 

“As scary as you might be, oh great lord of the Fortress of Meropide, I also know you will never hurt me,” you reassure. “Rather, I feel safest when I’m around you, please never doubt that.”

Wriothesley sighs, hand snaking up to grip your waist and pull you closer to him. “Thank you, my love. But I beg, even if you assume I am upset with you, please keep visiting my office during lunch, it is the part of the day I look forward to most.”

“If that is your request then maybe you just need to be good and listen to me instead of arguing until your head pops off,” you tease, patting his face twice and he huffs before muttering an ‘understood’. Anything to see you. “Is there something else you need from my office?”

“No, just wanted to see you,” he looks at the brown paper bag in his hands. “I brought you lunch, just in case you didn’t eat.” 

“Wriothesley,” you melt, “how thoughtful of you. I’ll make sure to eat it when I finish reading those contracts.”

“You should eat now, though. Don’t drown yourself in work, it’s not healthy.”

“I wish it were that easy, but these piles were dumped on my desk this morning and were assigned to be done by the end of the week.”

The hand that was on your waist comes up to gently hover over your cheek and Wriothesley studies you, icy eyes hardening due to the fatigue present in your expression. You grab his wrist, trying to diverge his attention, but you should know better than assuming that your wellbeing isn’t of utmost importance to him. “Unacceptable, I should have a word with your supervisor-”

“-no, no, Wriothesley! I insist, this is manageable.”

He frowns, deep and serious before surrendering to your pleas. “Fine, but if it doesn’t get better by the end of the week, then I will be interfering.”

“If you do so, my supervisor will be too scared to come in for a month,” you squeeze his wrist and gently guide it away from your face, ignorant to how your neglect for your own health hurts Wriothesley as well. He knows you love your job, but he still thinks that you deserve to live life carefree, that you should get everything you want without ever lifting a finger. “It’s alright, dear, you mustn’t worry about me when your work is a thousand times more stressful.”

“Impossible.” He worries about you every second of the day. Telling Wriothesley to stop fretting over you would be like telling him to stop breathing. “Now eat.” 

You yelp when he pulls you towards your chair, sitting you down. From the paper bag, he takes out a sandwich, one that you recognise is from one of fontaine’s favourite cafés, and he carefully unwraps it before raising it to your mouth.

“Wriothesley… this is a little embarrassing,” you whisper, wrapping your arms around yourself.

He doesn’t say anything, just persistently stares at you, gaze intense enough for you to give in. As you lean in to take the first bite, you are bashfully looking away from your lover, who wears a pleased expression, satisfied with the fact that you’re letting him take care of you. 

The tension from last night’s dispute hasn’t completely melted away, there are still things that need to be discussed calmly, but as you keep trying to push his hand away and battle Wriothesley’s indestructible stubbornness, he knows it will work out in the end. You love him and he loves you, and if you ever forget to visit him during lunch break again, then he’ll have to tear himself away from the prison and come up, just to meet you.

© EARTHTOOZ 2023, do not steal, translate, repost my fics and do not recommend my fics onto any other site.

[yoongjoong]

.

[ohthewh0rror]

I’VE DUG TWO GRAVES FOR US, MY DEAR.

˚₊ ⋆ ☠︎︎ ⋆ ₊˚ prompt — “Can I request Tom riddle x (fem!) reader angst? Basically, they have been trying for a long time to have children, but haven’t succeeded. So, to have an heir, Tom gets Bellatrix pregnant and obviously hasn’t told reader. Reader finds out shes pregnant and goes to tell Tom and show him the pregnancy test, but right outside his study she hears him ask Bellatrix „how is my heir doing? Is my child healthy?“ and reader drops the test in front of his study, where Tom finds it later, and leaves.”

Part 2

Pairing: Tom Riddle x Reader

Word count: 3.6K

A/N: “but baaaabe, she doesn’t even mean anything to me” and for him he MEANS it, that’s the worst part. Oh god I’m going to be sick. I headcanon him as loyal and now he’s out here embarrassing me. Anyway, thank you to my best friend Madie for helping me choose the right ending for this and for proof-reading for me. To the requester: I didn’t take the suicide route bc that’s a very sensitive topic that I have personal ties to. But yeah, if anyone wants it I’m 100% down to write a part 2 to this.🖤🖤

You felt wrong.

Well, not exactly you, just something felt wrong. You felt on edge, tense, like you were just waiting for the galleon to drop. There was no explanation for the way you were feeling, at least not one you could think of. But you couldn’t help but feel on edge, your mind racing as you resisted the urge to continuously look over your shoulder throughout the day.

You had hoped that the feeling would be gone by the end of the day, but as you sat with Tom having dinner the feeling was still there. You wanted to hide it from him, but you just knew he could see the slight shake of your hand as you poked mindlessly with your fork at the food in front of you. Though, either out of courtesy to you or him just not wanting to deal with it at the moment, he didn’t ask.

No, it wouldn’t be until the two of you had gotten into bed for the night that he would.

As you settled into bed, you felt Tom’s arm wrap around your waist, pulling you close. While you would normally welcome this, as it was rare that Tom would hold you in such a way, the unusual action added to your sense of unease. You felt his lips press a kiss just behind your ear before he asked, “there’s something bothering you, what is it?”

You didn’t know how to tell him, or if you even wanted to tell him. You didn’t want Tom to think negatively of you, to think you were officially losing it, but a part of you knew Tom wasn’t going to drop it. What Tom wanted, Tom got, one way or another. So, reluctantly, you told him.

“I’m not sure, I just don’t feel right, not in a sick way but—,” you paused, mentally kicking yourself for admitting it out loud, “I feel as if something bad is about to happen, something very bad.” Tom said nothing, but you could feel his hold on you tighten just a fraction. There was a few seconds of silence before Tom finally spoke again, “I see, I’m sure you are alright, you probably just need to rest.”

You know this was his way of comforting you, but it did nothing to help how you felt. You tried taking his words to heart though, and forced yourself to relax, attempting to get some sleep.

6:23 am.

You stared at the ticking hands of the clock on the wall, watching them dutifully count the time, hoping the dullness of it all would help you fall back asleep. It did nothing to help you, though, and instead just aided in helping your mind wander. You went through every possibility, until you were left with two options.

Tom was up to something… or you were pregnant. You didn’t want to think of the first option, it was a thought that left you upset even considering, but he had been distant for the past 4 months. He did not treat you any different, but he seemed… distracted. Where he once did not mind if you opened his letters for him, he now tightly guarded them. You tried asking him why, but he said it was to protect you if things went bad. He attempted to explain your worries away, saying he did not want you implicated in anything he was up to.

Not to mention he was out the house more— Death Eater business, he tells you. Always that. It almost made you angry how much time he spent working towards his grand scheme when all you wanted was just some of his time. At first you tried to push back on it, but soon realized it did nothing to sway him. Tom did what he wanted, regardless of the feelings of others.

Despite all this you refuse to accept Tom may be up to something behind your back. He was your husband, and he loved you, even if he did not express it often. So that left you with one conclusion: you’re pregnant.

It was a possibility that had been hanging in the back of your mind, but not one you wanted to genuinely entertain. After years of trying and it being false alarms have left you with nothing but negative feelings towards the process of finding out. You did not want to get your hopes up once again, as each negative was becoming more and more unbearable.

You couldn’t just rule it out without taking a test though, so you had no choice but to do so. Not wanting to go to a healer and have them check on you magically, you decided to instead go about it the muggle way. You had heard during your younger years, while at Hogwarts, that muggle women had measures of finding out on their own in the comfort of their own bathroom. So that’s what you set off to do, after getting dressed of course.

Entering muggle London, it was hard not to stick out. While you tried to dress as casual as you possibly could, you knew there was still something off about how you dressed. No one seemed to mind though, letting you walk through the busy streets without much more than a double take. It didn’t take long for you to find what looked like a small store, you hoped to Merlin that they had what you needed.

As you walked around the small shop, you realized what you were doing was beyond ridiculous. You were truly out of your league as you browsed the aisles looking for what you needed. You were beginning to get frustrated when you heard a feminine voice from the left, “excuse me, miss, can I help you find something?”

You paused, stopping midstep, turning your head to look at who was speaking to you.

The girl, who couldn’t have been any older than 19, seemed to be a shop attendant. She had on what you could only guess was typical muggle attire, and a vest with the name of the shop on it. You nodded, “yes, I need the test that will tell me if I’m pregnant or not.”

The shop girl gave you a look, and you began to worry more that you were sticking out far too much. “You mean a pregnancy test?” She asked. “Yes, that,” you replied, hoping she would just show you where it was and stop talking to you. Thankfully she seemed to have read your mind, gesturing you to follow her. She took you to the aisle furthest back in the store, pointing out the shelf that was filled with a dozen different options. You thanked her, and she left you alone with all the different tests.

Looking over them all you picked the one you thought would be best, but as you held the test you had a revelation, ‘I have no muggle money’. You froze, now weighing your options. You could leave and convert the money, coming back at a later time, or you could just…take it. Leaving was the morally correct choice, but just taking it was the more tempting one as it would save you the trouble of explaining to Tom why you needed muggle money if word got back to him.

So, looking around and making sure no eyes were on you, you silently cast a spell, hiding the box from any prying eyes. As you walked out the store you couldn’t believe what you had done. Stealing? From a muggle establishment? How scandalous! As you walked down the street you shook your head, banishing the thought from your mind. You didn’t have time to worry about the ethics of stealing from muggles. You needed to know if you were pregnant.

Thankfully, it was a little easier to find a place to use the restroom. You sat on the toilet, reading the box, and the instructions seemed easy enough. You followed them exactly before capping the test, holding it in a way where the results faced away from you. You didn’t want to see the results, too scared of it being negative once again. After what you considered an appropriate amount of time, you flipped the test over.

Positive.

‘It’s wrong, it has to be,’ you thought to yourself as you eyed the muggle pregnancy test. The test was wrong, it’s a defective muggle device. You’d make an appointment with the healer as soon as possible until you could confirm it for sure and you’d keep it a secret from Tom until then. You didn’t want to tell him, only for it to be a false positive and get his hopes up fruitlessly.

So, you wrapped the test tightly and tossed it in the bin. Washing your hands, you made your way out of the muggle establishment, and to an empty corner before apparating to the edge of yours and Tom’s property. You stood there for a moment, taking in the site of your shared home, wishing you had some calming draught on hand.

You knew as soon as Tom saw you he’d know something was wrong. Tom had always said you weren’t a very good liar, and you knew with the state you were in right now that if he tried to pry your secret would come tumbling out before you had the chance to stop it.

You couldn’t stand out here all day though, the November air was more than chilly, and you were going to freeze if you didn’t go in soon. You took a steadying breath and walked forward with your head held high, taking your time to get to the doors, attempting to look casual. You were halfway up the set of stone stairs leading up to the front doors, when they began to open. For a split second you felt yourself panic on the inside, thinking maybe it was Tom who came to greet you, until your house elf Poppy came into view.

“Welcome back, madam,” the little elf said, ushering you in.

“Hello, Poppy,” you said. You had never been happier to see a house elf in your life. As Poppy shut the doors behind you, and she ushered you to the dining room, she informed you that Tom had already left for the day, leaving you to have breakfast alone. Normally that would have left you disappointed, you and Tom made sure to always eat breakfast and dinner together, and this would be the first time in a long time that you ate alone. But, after the morning you had, you relished in the absence of conversation.

“Poppy, please make an appointment for me with a healer,” you asked, sitting down at the dining table. Poppy nodded wordlessly before leaving you to go make the appointment.

It was a week later that you found yourself sitting in a sterile room, awaiting the results. You wanted so desperately for it to be true. You’d never recover if you found out the test had lied. Tom still didn’t know about the possibility of your pregnancy, but then again, it wasn’t hard to hide it from him with how busy he’d been this past week. And seeing as your mind was preoccupied, you hadn’t pushed on what had him so busy.

Just as your mind began to drift from boy names, to more feminine names, the door to your right clicked open. The healer gave you a bright smile, greeting you. The forced politeness left a bad taste in your mouth as you just wished for the results so you could get home. You gave a tight-lipped smile back, and a similar greeting. The healer stopped in front of you, flipping one of the papers up, quickly reading its contents before looking at you once again.

“Well, Mrs. Riddle, it seems you certainly are pregnant!” He congratulates you, before explaining how far along you seem to be and that he needs you back in a month. You’re still in a daze when he hands you the paperwork, telling you your diagnosis and other information regarding your pregnancy. It feels too good to be true, and you’re not sure if you should laugh, cry, or do both as you leave the office.

You’re pregnant. You’re actually pregnant. You walk down a secluded alley, casting the muffliato charm as you buried your head in your hard, a soft cry erupting from you. You both had tried so hard for so long and it’s finally happening, you are finally having the child you both wanted. You let yourself cry from the overwhelming feeling of happiness for a moment longer before collecting yourself. You needed to tell Tom, you knew this was just the news he needed.

Tom was working from home today, something you had never been so happy about before today. It made the process of talking to him much easier than if he left to Merlin-knows-where to do what he needed. But, as you walked up those stairs to the hallway that his office was down you felt your heart plummet.

Tom was here, but so was another woman.

You quieted your steps, hoping to figure out who the woman was and what they were talking about. It was difficult as the door was mostly shut and they were talking in hushed tones. But, as you stepped off the stairs and into the hallway you recognized the voice of the woman immediately.

Bellatrix Lestrange.

A woman that you held more than just disdain for. She is the only female Death Eater Tom has recruited, and not only that, she was his second in command. While Tom didn’t see any of his Death Eaters as true equals, even you knew he seemed to favor her over the rest of them. Bellatrix seemed to revel in this fact, and despite being married herself, her loyalty seemed to lay more with your husband than her own. She did whatever Tom asked, no matter what it may be, without even a hint of resistance. You truly believe if Tom asked her to kill herself, she would do it without hesitation.

As you walked closer to the door they seemed to have stopped talking, but before you could knock and let yourself be known, you heard something that knocked the breath out of your lungs.

“You had a check-up last week, did you not? How is my heir?” Tom sounded casual, as if he was asking Bellatrix about the weather. His heir? His heir? Your mind was sent reeling as you began to hyperventilate. You quietly backed away from the door, walking as silently but also as quickly as you could away. But, as you turned to leave you nearly tripped over your own two feet, the papers you were holding falling to the ground. In your distress you left them, not being bothered to pick them up, as you caught yourself and hurried down the hallway intent on putting space between yourself and the cracked office door.

You found yourself in a guest room on the other side of the house, away from Tom and Bellatrix, away from the source of your heartbreak. You sit on the edge of the bed, and cast the muffliato charm for the second time today. After you cast the spell, you finally let yourself feel completely. Your heart shatters into tiny crystallized bits, the shards of it dig into every crevice of your sternum, leaving you clutching at your chest as it pierces your lungs and esophagus. Your chest and throat have an indescribable ache as a piercing wail leaves you, the pain of his betrayal leaving you feeling something beyond devastation.

The knowledge that he cheated on you was painful enough, but the fact that it was Bellatrix made it all the more painful. He knew how you felt toward their dynamic and his trust in her. It was as if he chose her on purpose, to tell her that Bellatrix is a more suitable partner for him.

How Bellatrix was everything she wasn’t: unwaveringly devoted to him, believed in his pureblood ideology, and stood by him on it. Bellatrix could also give him children, and she couldn’t.

Or so he thought. He didn’t know she was pregnant yet. Maybe that was for the best, you considered, as you sat in that empty room, fingers wringing together painfully as you tried to calm yourself. As you attempted to gather yourself, knocking on the door began to reverberate throughout the room, causing a panic inside you. You cleared your throat, and took in a breath, hoping to gather yourself before addressing who was on the other side. Lifting your wand you released the muffling charm, “come in.”

Your voice still wobbled as the words left you, leaving you mentally kicking yourself. The door opened, revealing Tom, on the other side. As he took in the sight of you, sniffling and teary-eyed, he walked in completely, softly shutting the door behind him. Looking at him sent a surge of anguish through you, a new wave of tears gathering in your eyes. The vision of Tom doubled as your lips began to wobble as you held back your tears. You were unable to see the look on Tom’s face as you looked away, trying to calm yourself once again, so you weren’t quite sure what he was thinking.

Getting on one knee before you, Tom placed his left hand on your knee as his right reached up, wiping at your tear streaked face. You let out a shuddering breath, finally looking at him. Tom’s face was the most expressive you’d ever seen it, if you hadn’t been in such a miserable state you would have taken a moment to admire it.

There was a look of genuine worry on his face as the both of you looked at each other. The silence was suffocating, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to be the one to break it. There was nothing you wanted to say to him, you could hardly bear to look at him, much less talk to him.

“Why are you upset, darling? This is wonderful news” Tom sounded sympathetic in his attempt to comfort you. You let out a laugh in disbelief, you could not believe the words coming out of his mouth. “Wonderful news? In what world is this ‘wonderful news’?” You were close to yelling by the time you finished talking, feeling your sadness morph into something far uglier: anger. Tom at least had the decency to look taken aback, seeming to not expect the response he received.

Tom’s eyes searched yours for a moment before his expression became guarded, he gave your hand a squeeze before standing up, “it seems we are talking about two different things.”

You said nothing, there was nothing you could say that he hadn’t just deduced for himself, and it seemed he knew that too as he continued speaking.

“Y/N, you have to understand, I needed to ensure I had an heir and we hadn’t been successful in getting you pregnant,” Tom tried to explain. You’re sure in his head that this was logical, just the rational choice to get around your fertility issues. But to you, this was anything but the best next step. There was no reasoning good enough to make this okay; it will never be okay. This is a wound that may scar over, but will always ache when brushed against.

“You had an affair with a woman who I already voiced my concern about, without even consulting me on your decision, and expect me to understand?” You asked, incredulously. Tom, though looking mildly annoyed, still had the decency to also seem a touch guilty. “I didn’t step out of our marriage for pleasure or some sort of validation, you've always been the only one for me, it was merely to—” you decide to cut him off. “Produce an heir,” was all you said, finishing his sentence for him.

A heavy silence hung in the air, what you said leaving a palpable bitterness in the air. Tom still had the same touch of guilt in his eyes, but it wasn't enough. The guilt wasn’t strong enough to let him take full accountability for how wrong he was. Tom reached out, his hands cupping the back of your neck as his thumbs grazed your jawline, forcing you to look at him.

“It will be okay, I made a mistake by not telling you my plans, I apologize,” Tom may have sounded sincere, but it wasn’t good enough. Nothing will ever make up for what he has done to not only your relationship, but also to your trust in him. You reached up, and gently removed his hands from your face before standing up yourself, forcing him to take a few steps back.

“No, it’s not going to be okay; it will never be ‘okay’. You didn’t just make a mistake, you ruined our marriage, and for that, Tom, I hate you.”

And you left.

Leaving your husband to stand in that spare room, alone, with only his thoughts to keep him company.

[starry-eyes-love]

Chapter 5: Woodland Fun

Series Masterlist

Pairing: Joel x F!Reader (18+, Minors DNI), Post-outbreak

Summary | Joel Miller thinks you are a complicated, irritating, and frustrating woman. You're the reason he can't sleep, can't work, and can't do anything without thinking about you. So for once, he gives in to his own urges and lets himself have you in his mind. What he didn't expect was for you to come storming into his personal space yet again. This time though he doesn't think he can stop himself from having you, but he's going to try.

Warnings | 18+, Minors DNI. Smut (a lot), language, male and female masturbation, mutual masturbation with each other, dry humping, fingering (male & female), edging, daddy kink, fluff (if you squint), major argument with angst, yelling, a lot of dirty talk, pet names (little girl, baby, honey, old man, etc.), kissing, body description without being too specific, referencing past trauma, referencing sex with his ex-wife, referencing pregnancy with ex-wife (if you squint), infidelity reference, fertility issues reference (if you squint). Don't know how this happened but this is mostly smut/porn of one version or another (sorry, not sorry). Just know, you have been warned. Enjoy :)

Word Count: 10.3 K (not sorry)

Joel needed to let off some major steam, he needed to give in to this urge in his mind to have you the way he needed to. Just this once, he thought, just this once I get her the way I want her. Then that's it. As he slowly took himself in his hand he felt himself throb painfully. To try to curb his arousal a bit, he gently squeezed the base

Over the next month life seemed to slowly settle into somewhat of a comfortable domestic routine between the three of you.  Ellie and you continued to go through storage areas; collecting clothes, games, and supplies. You also worked on trying to start growing seeds in the house, which proved to be very difficult in the beginning of winter. Periodically you would collect and chop firewood also.  Joel would set and check traps, scout the area, fix the roof and the siding, help chop firewood, and hunt for food.  At night the three of you would sit around the fireplace and talk, play board games that either you or Ellie found, or read in silence.  Joel and you still maintained separate bedrooms when it came to the sleeping arrangements. He said sleeping together right away would just muddy the waters of a relationship.  Basically, everything continued to be the same with Joel as before. The only difference was that once in a while he’d give you a quick peck on the lips when Ellie wasn’t looking.  Nothing ever transpired besides that, and if you were being honest, it was incredibly frustrating.  You understood why Joel didn’t want to have sex right away, but you wanted and needed something more from him.  A hand hold, the ability to cuddle; heck even for him to check you out, something.  You were beginning to believe that Joel Miller was a man of all talk, and very little do.

“Hey dude, like I think that dish is clean,” Ellie said while you were washing the dishes.

“Oh yeah, sorry" you stated. "I was just lost in thought.”

“You were like lost in thought for 10 minutes cleaning that same dish, what gives?" she teased. "Are there problems in the love department again?"

“Love department? Again? Ellie, I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you tried to say without giving your voice away.

“Pleeease. I may be younger than you, but I ain’t stupid” she told you.  “I know you have a thing for Joel, and honestly he has a huge thing for you. But ever since the two of you have decided to do this dating shit, which by the way is soooo stupid. You both haven’t been the same, and it’s annoying really.”

“Ellie, I don’t know what you’re…wait. Who said we were dating?” you asked her with a puzzled expression.

“Oh come on, I heard the two of you the night Joel woke up moaning in bed. He woke the whole damn house up with all of that moaning that he was doing. I honestly laid in my bed feeling sorry for him, thinking that he was, you know, thinking about his daughter or somethin’. But then I heard ya and what he told you," Ellie said with a shake to her head.  "Then I finally thought that the two of you were gonna give in to that animal heat phase thing or somethin’, and ya know- maybe fuck it out. But nope, dry as the desert'' Ellie said while laughing out loud shaking her head more.

“Well, it’s not from a lack of trying on my end," you quipped to her in defense.

“Oh I know" she said, tapping your shoulder a few times. "I gave Joel advice about it 2 weeks ago, of how to go about dating cause it’s been awhile for him. Kinda pathetic really, if you ask me.” Ellie said while huffing out a sigh. “Apparently he didn’t listen to a damn thing that I told him,” she states, pinching the bridge of her nose.

“What did you tell him?” you ask nervously.

“That he shouldn’t think about it. That he just needs to talk to you, spend some time with you. Teach you something and then just, I don’t know. Give in to what his body is trying to tell him, and then just ya know, do it” she said.

After a moment of standing there and processing the information you couldn’t help but get frustrated.  You thought that Joel was trying to hide things from Ellie. But in reality he was asking her for advice on how to get to know you, when he could just ask you instead.  Not that a teenager couldn’t give him advice, but goddamnit, you were right here.  You could tell him what you liked, because after all, you knew yourself better than anyone else.

Ellie could sense your frustration and anger rising to the surface. She went to try to defuse the situation fast, because honestly, she didn’t like it when your temper got the better of you.  “Look, y/n. Try doing something that teases him, ya know. Like try coaxing that stubborn man out of his shell by forcing his brain into rut season like a deer or somethin,'” she said softly, trying to encourage you.

“Rut season like a deer? Wow, that’s a new one Ellie, Jesus” you said while shaking your head laughing. 

“Yeah I know, thought of it myself” Ellie commented while giving you her typical big Ellie grin. “But no seriously y/n, do something that turns him on. Or at least gets him to look at you. Go out and chop firewood.  He told me that your ass looks nice doin’ it.”

“He told you my ass looks nice chopping firewood?” you say, somewhat puzzled of why a 50+ year old man would say that to a teenage girl.

“Well no, he didn’t exactly say it directly to me,” Ellie reassured you.  “He was looking at you chopping firewood about 2 weeks ago and said to himself ‘damn it woman, you’re gonna be the death of me with those tight pants on that nice ass of yours,'” Ellie said trying to mimic Joel’s scowl that he does.  

After a moment of silence where you kept fiddling with your hands, Ellie approached you and said, “Y/N, go and chop firewood for Papa Bear. He’s tense and needs something to unwind with. So give that old man a show, just don't give him a heart attack.”  She said laughing while walking away down the hall.

You decided to finish washing the dishes first, while mulling over everything that Ellie had told you.  You knew from previous interactions with Joel that he does love it when you give him a little sass, and when you help him with some of the heavy lifting. Sure, he calls you a smartass while you're doing it, and tells you to stop being so difficult. But nevertheless, you do know that he appreciates your help.  

“Hey, I think I’m gonna go and chop some firewood for awhile" you yell down the hall at Ellie after you finish the dishes. "We’re getting kinda low in here.” As you exit the cabin you grab the axe that was sitting outside and glance over to the area where Joel usually has firewood pieces to chop up.  When you noticed that there weren’t any pieces to chop, you decided to go out into the woods and chop down a tree.  You’ve never chopped down a tree before, and honestly you had no idea what you were doing. But you figured that you’d have to learn sometime.  It can't be that hard, you thought to yourself. 

As you approached the woods you glanced back towards the house to see if you could spot Joel working outside. When you didn’t see him, you figured he must have be checking traps, or hunting for food. After traveling into the woods, you found a tree that you believed you could chop down easily. As you approached the tree you said out loud to yourself, "Ellie, you better be right about him loving my ass as I do this." As you started to pull back the axe you said to yourself "well here goes nothing," and just before you moved to hit the tree you heard a Southern drawl behind you speak up.  

Joel had been out scouting and checking traps all day. He had gotten up early and left the cabin by himself, wanting to have some alone time. This domestic dating life shit was getting on his nerves. Not that he didn't like being with you, that was never the problem. The problem was he desperately wanted to fuck you all the time, and he couldn't do that with Ellie always being around. He also didn't know if you were just looking for a one-time quick lay, or if you truly were serious about a relationship. 

As Joel walked around and checked the traps he kept thinking about you and the interactions the two of you have had. He couldn't stop thinking about how soft you had felt underneath him, or the first time the two of you had sex. He internally hated himself for how desperate he was, and how he didn't give you any proper attention before he fucked you. Joel also knew that you were the reason for his constant worry, his lack of sleep, tense muscles, and a deep ache that he couldn't relieve. He knew he felt something for you, but he didn't know if it was true love, or just infatuation. 

Joel thought that if he was a better man, he would tell you that he was too old for you, that he couldn't be with you, that he'd stop and leave you alone. But Joel wasn't a good man. He pined after you, had a deep urge to be with you, not just physically. He knew he couldn’t stay away from you or stifle his feelings for you much longer. At the end of the day, Joel wanted you. He had a deep urge to have you, to claim you as his, and to ruin you for every goddamn man in the future that thought they could have you. His need to claim you grew stronger with each passing day, and it was getting harder for him to ignore.

Joel noticed that he was almost back to the cabin. He was in a small pine grove near the edge of the woods, close to where the yard would start. Joel knew these woods here like the back of his hand, wanting to know how the land changed just in case trouble came around. He always had a need to keep both you and Ellie safe, so each day he’d hike around and get to know the terrain. Today was quiet and peaceful in the woods, something that was a rarity. Joel, desperately needing to sit down and take a break for himself, wandered over to a pine tree and sat down. As he sat against the pine tree, his thoughts kept drifting to you, and he felt himself slowly harden inside his pants. "I'm old enough to be her damn father, she's too young for me", he said sternly to himself, which did nothing to curb the slow throb that came from his hardening cock. He sat back and closed his eyes as he slowly palmed himself in the front of his jeans. He tried to think of anything else or anyone else besides you. But the truth was, he didn't want anyone else. He only wanted you, laid underneath him and willing for him to do what he wanted. He wondered how you’d taste. Would you be sweet like honey, or a tangy citrus flavor? Would you beg for his cock or beg for him to come inside your tight little pussy, or inside your mouth? 

No. She’s irritating, aggravating, and a pain in my ass, he thought to himself, trying to will away his erection. But even then, when he focused on your sassy attitude and your confidence, it turned him on even more.  He didn't want to admit it, but he loved your demeanor. He loved your challenging behavior, that you weren't afraid to stand up to him. He saw that you had a fire in your soul, and that fire called to him like a siren that had found her next victim. He wasn't stupid, he knew you'd be the death of him. That if he got too close, he'd never be able to escape. 

The more Joel sat there thinking about you: the curve of your ass, the shape of your breasts, and the feel of your mouth against his; the harder he got. All of these thoughts set a fire in his veins and sent a bolt of electricity to his cock. With a sigh he said, "Just this once I’m gonna do this to blow off some steam thinkin’ about her." As Joel took out his aching and throbbing member he saw that he was already leaking precum from his slit. "Fuck" he groaned to himself at how worked up he already was with just thinking about you. He hadn't even touched himself yet. "This ain't gonna last long," he said with a small shake to his head. 

Joel needed to let off some major steam, he needed to give in to this urge in his mind to fuck you the way he needed to. Just this once, he thought, just this once I get her the way I want to fuck her. Then that's it. As he slowly took himself in his hand he felt himself throb painfully. To try to curb his arousal a bit, he gently squeezed the base of his cock. As he did, he heard himself let out a long groan and he felt himself pulse within his hand. After taking another moment to settle himself, he found himself spitting into his hand and slowly sliding it up and down his shaft. He lightly ran his thumb over the swollen tip where he saw precum collecting and as he did he heard himself hiss at the sensation. “Fuck man, you gotta get this under control or you ain't gonna last long,” he said out loud continuing to slowly stroke himself. After a few more pumps he reached down with his other hand and gently cupped and massaged his balls, fantasizing that it was you doing it. 

As he continued to stroke himself, he thought about your mouth and how good it would feel for you to suck him off. Would he be able to deep throat you, and would you love it? He also thought about your hands and how good they would feel stroking his cock. He wondered how many other men you had been with, was he the biggest? Finally, he thought about your tight little hole. God he wanted to lap at it, suck it, and tongue fuck it. He knew from the first time he fucked you how tight you were. But this time he wanted to really take his time to explore you with his tongue, his fingers, and then with his rock hard throbbing cock.

"Fuck", Joel said to himself. "God baby, I need your pussy so badly” he moaned out loud to himself as he stroked himself faster and faster at the thought of you. “Yeah, come on baby girl. Just like that. Come on, baby. Fuck daddy just like that," Joel said while pumping his hand faster and faster. He was imagining fucking up into you the way he needed, with your legs wrapped around him, riding him hard and fast. He was thrusting so hard up into his hand, moaning and grunting to himself at the image of you fucking him that he knew that he was almost there, right on the edge chasing his high, a few more pumps before finally being able to blow his load the way he needed to. “Fuck y/n. Come on, mama. That’s right, fuck me” he said moaning hard as he continued.  “God damn it y/n, I want you so fucking bad right now. Please be a good girl and just fuck my cock, please baby” he panted, wanting you to be in front of him right now so bad, for you to fuck him hard. He wanted to hold on your hips and help you move your hips back and forth as he fucked you deep.  

“Yes, yes, yes” he panted, and just before he finally tipped over the edge he heard a loud “snap” of a tree branch.  Immediately Joel froze, looking through the trees to see who it was as his dick throbbed hard in his hand.  When he didn’t hear it again after a bit, he turned back to slowly give himself a few more pumps, thinking to himself “fuck man, ya gotta make this quick.”  As he started pumping his fist faster, he felt that same heat build up in his spine.  God, he was edging himself too much today, but he didn’t care, he needed release.  He hadn’t touched himself or let himself have an orgasm since the last time he fucked you.  He was desperate for release again. As Joel continued he thought of you again, and he felt himself get right on the edge once again before he heard another “snap” of a branch.  This time when Joel looked through the trees he saw someone walking through the woods, and he instantly froze thinking, who the fuck is that?

He sat there quiet, slowly tucking himself back in his pants and slowly reaching for his rifle as he watched the person walk closer to him. When you came into view and he saw that it was you, he became incredibly frustrated and said "Are ya fucking kidding me? The universe must be run by a goddamn woman, and that bitch must fucking hate me, cause she won't ever let me come." 

Frustrated Joel focused himself on taking a few slow and steady breaths. “Later, I'll finish this later" he told himself under protest. He tried to force himself to calm down the rest of the way before he was going to speak with you, because right now he didn’t think he could stop himself from stripping your clothes off and fucking you the way he was just fantizing about doing moments ago.

As Joel sat there watching you approach, he heard you mumbling to yourself. When you made the comment about Joel liking your ass with chopping firewood, it honestly piqued his interest. You weren't wrong per se, Joel did find your ass very attractive. However, he didn't need an excuse like chopping firewood to admire it. As Joel sat back observing you, he noticed that you were so focused and lost in your own head that you never saw him sitting there on the ground while you walked past. You continued to mumble to yourself about how much of a jackass Joel was, with that comment Joel shook his head thinking smartass. You also complained out loud that you too had needs that he wasn't fulfilling. He heard your comments about how unsatisfied that you were as a woman, and how you wanted him to touch you. You also voiced to yourself how frustrated you were with him that he wasn’t fulfilling all of your needs either. As Joel heard your statements, he quietly whispered to himself, “same thing here darlin', I'm just as fucking frustrated.”

When Joel heard you admit that you had no idea how to chop down a tree, he smiled to himself. He thought it was cute that you admitted out loud to yourself that you didn’t know what the hell you were doing, but you wanted to impress your man, a man named Joel. When Joel heard that, he felt a rush of blood go to his ego, and go someplace else too. So with a smirk on his face, he welcomed the show that he was sure you were about to give him with your ass, especially when they were placed in those tight pants. "Alright, baby. Show daddy what ya got" he whispered.

The longer you mumbled to yourself, the more he saw you move your weight back and forth between your feet. Those tight pants fit you nicely around your ass, and accentuated every curve you had. Joel wasn't a religious man, but today he was thanking God for being able to stay hidden in the shadows to just enjoy the show you were giving him. The longer you bent over and stood up repeatedly, the harder it was for Joel to get control of his ragging hormones and the strong urge to fuck you right here in the woods. He knew he couldn't act on it, but the urge to hold you, bend you over, and claim you as his was strong within him. He quietly adjusted his pants, reminding himself that he didn't have a claim like that over you. He took a few steadying breaths, but when he saw you bring the axe back, he knew you weren't going to hit shit with that stance. So with a smirk on his face he decided to speak and teach you a lesson. If you were going to be the fantasy of his dreams tonight, you might as well do it right, and not hurt yourself.

Right before you swung the axe you heard Joel say, “Darlin', I don’t think that’s the wisest idea there. Ya might wanna rethink what you’re tryin' to do.” You hadn’t known that Joel was sitting in the shadows behind you. You were so stuck in your own head that you never really looked around to view your surroundings to see who or what was present. You didn’t dare admit that to Joel, as you didn't want to start another argument with him. So sarcastically you said out loud, “yeah well, why is that Joel?”

When you didn’t hear him answer you right away, you turned around slowly to see where he was. With your senses heightened, you were trying to determine why he didn’t respond to you right away. All you hoped for was that he hadn't been bitten. When your eyes met his and you saw him sitting relaxed up against a tree, you were deeply surprised. He was looking at you with a shitty smirk on his face, like he was enjoying the show you were about to give him. Truly he looked relaxed and you had no idea why. As you glared at him with frustration at his easy posture, you noticed that he was slowly looking you up and down. When you caught him staring at your ass, you cocked your head and raised one eyebrow saying “I asked you a question Miller, don’t make me ask you again.”

Joel narrowed his eyes at the sass that you just gave him out of your mouth. God that mouth, he thought, what I’d love to do to that filthy mouth.  Joel felt his pants tighten once again at the thought about him fucking your mouth. He hadn’t had a woman’s mouth on him in so long that the mere thought of you doing it made him hard and weeping precum yet again. He knew he had to calm down before he lost all rational thought with you, and force you on your knees to suck him off.

As Joel stood up, he brushed the snow off from his pants, checked his rifle, and then turned away to re-adjust the front of him.  When he turned back around he saw that you were staring at his half hardened bulge still prominent in his jeans. He took in a long inhale, and as he exhaled he said “nothin' good ever comes from that darlin.’”

You were so lost in thought staring at the man in front of you that you never heard what he said. You were too focused on admiring Joel's manly features. Joel Miller was truly an amazing specimen. He had thick biceps that his jacket hugged nicely. He had powerful thighs that you knew could hold a woman up and fuck her properly. His hips and ass were perfect, sculpted by the Gods. He also had beautiful eyes. God you could get lost in those dark chocolate brown eyes. His lips, you already knew, felt amazing against your body. And his tongue, one you hoped would break you into submission again real soon.  

The longer you looked at Joel, the more you felt your body crave the man that was standing here before you. You knew Joel had said something to you, but honestly you were so lost in your own fantasy that you never heard what he said. As you came back down to Earth you shook your head saying “what?” with somewhat of a puzzled expression on your face.

Joel noticed your staring, and he didn’t care because he was doing his own staring too. Your slightly rosey cheeks, mouth slightly parted as you licked your plump soft lips, eyes fixed at the bulge in his pants. If he wanted to he could just walk over there and grab you by the- Fuck man, get it together and stop this shit right now, he thought to himself as he shook his head trying to clear his own mind.  After closing his eyes and taking a few breaths to steady himself he said while clearing his throat, “you’re gonna hurt yourself if ya continue." When you furrowed your brows further Joel added, “your form darlin’, your form is off. If ya hit that tree with that axe the way you’re holding it, you’re gonna hurt your shoulder and your back.”

You looked down at the axe that you were holding somewhat puzzled, and you realized that you were in way over your head. You felt embarrassed that you weren’t holding it right.  Here you were trying to impress the man in front of you, and you didn’t even think to ask Ellie if there was a technique required to do any of this.  You thought you could just grab the axe, swing it, and it’d work. While looking at the axe you felt stupid, and you felt that Ellie had set you up for where you were the butt of a funny joke yet again. Ellie knew how to chop down a tree because Joel showed her.  She also knew that it was a skill you had never learned before. So here you were, trying to make Joel think of you as a sexy, strong, and capable woman who could pull her own weight, when all you were doing was making a fool out of yourself.

You began to shuffle nervously on your feet, looking down and away from Joel when you said “I-I didn’t know. Um- I just thought-”

Joel could tell that you were upset, and turning slightly inward at the realization that you didn’t know what you were doing.  He hated when you turned inward like this because you weren’t completely wrong in what you were doing, just your form was a little messy.  As Joel approached you, he watched you back up slowly looking down. He felt anger rise into the pit of his stomach at your reaction.  He has never hurt you, nor treated you like shit in moments of teaching. He hated the fact that David did this to you. David was a piece of shit who had ruined what could have been an amazing moment with you. If that asshole was still alive today, Joel thought, I’d kill him again.   

Joel had realized that his anger was starting to boil to the surface, and that was something that he didn’t want.  He knew you'd take it that he was mad at you, but that wasn't the case.  He hated the circumstances of people hurting you. So he took a deep breath to calm himself while stepping forward to gently grab the axe from you while saying “Here honey, let me show you.” After he took the axe he showed you how to choke up on it before swinging it. He also showed you how to move your hand as you swung it to chop. When he was finished he gave it back to you and told you to try those hand movements. 

With a nod you grabbed the axe back from him. And as soon as you started to go to swing the axe to chop down the tree again you heard Joel say, “darlin’ are you trying to hurt yourself?”

“What Joel, what?” you bit back frustrated at him as you turned to face him. “I’m doing it just like you showed me, so what the hell is wrong now?”

Joel shook his head at your sass.  He was both turned on by it and completely annoyed and irritated by it. “Listen here little girl” he said with a little bite to his voice. “Don’t bite my goddamn head off when I’m tryin’ to help ya. You wanna know what’s wrong, it’s your stance. Your stance is wrong and I’m tryin’ to show ya how to do it right so you don’t go and hurt yourself.”  He stepped towards you and said “ now turn around and position yourself like you are going to swing the axe.”  When you didn’t move right away, he whispered in your ear, “come on darlin’, what are you afraid of?”

“You,” you answered without even thinking. “I’m afraid you’re going to-”

“Hurt ya? No darlin’ I ain’t gonna hurt ya” he said feeling the anger slowly boil underneath the surface yet again.  “I’m not like that piece of shit David. I’m. I’m just trying to help you, ok?” he said with a sigh. “Honey, I may not always be around and I want you to be able to do this right on your own. Ok? Now come on honey, show me”  he said while tucking a piece of hair behind your ear and nudging you forward.

When you didn’t move he said “Baby, come on. Please show me,” while coaxing you to continue.  You felt your heart race with how close this man was to you. It didn’t help that your head was swimming with what Ellie had said to you earlier.  You were flustered and Joel could sense it as you heard him laugh while saying “come on darlin’, show me.”

After a moment you finally found the courage to begin again.  You started to pull back on the axe once again like he showed you, but this time you felt him grab the axe to stop you from swinging it. Joel softly spoke in your ear saying “your legs are wrong baby, spread ‘em for me.”

You felt heat rise up from your spine and spread across your back and neck. Your also felt your face heat up where you could feel sweat starting to form on your brow. You also started breathing harder, almost panting for him.  You felt your underwear become slick, especially when he got closer and you could feel his chest touching your back softly.  He leaned into you closer, and you felt something hard brush up against your backside as he whispered softly into your ear asking you to spread ‘em. He was so soft and yet so commanding with you, and you loved it. You loved his roughness that he could show. God, you were so turned on by him right now but you didn’t think he meant what you thought he meant, so with a shaky breath you said “Wh-what?” 

Joel could tell how turned on you were by him and it gave him a little bit of an ego boost.  He wasn’t intending on playing this type of game with you, but he realized how his words and actions could have been misinterpreted to mean something more. But the fact that you were so flustered for him he wondered how long it had been since you gave yourself any proper attention. By the way your body responded with a simple phrase, he figured it must have been a long time.  And that was something that he needed to rectify with you soon, but not right now.  

But the longer the moment stretched on, and the more he saw your body respond to him, the more turned on Joel was even getting. God he was still so horny, not able to relieve himself fully so the thought of you getting flustered for him sent him into an animalistic nature. He wasn’t thinking clearly when he leaned in and said with a low growl, “You heard me darlin’. I said spread those fucking legs” And with that Joel put his foot in between your legs and forcibly spread your legs further apart, which caused you to almost lose balance. In an attempt to steady yourself you adjusted your hips and happened to press them hard against the front of Joel and that’s when you felt it, the full outline of his cock in his pants. At that moment instinct took ahold of you and you lightly rolled your hips against his hard bulge. 

You heard him give out a low feral growl again as he grabbed your hips while mimicking the same hip roll back into you. Pretty soon you both were panting as Joel started to dry hump you.  You knew he was turned on, begging for relief. God, he’s so fucking hard, what was he doing out here? You thought to yourself.  You started rubbing your ass harder up and down hard into his crotch, trying to give him some relief while working yourself up too.

“Yeah baby, just like that” you heard Joel say behind you.  He grabbed the axe and threw it to the ground.  He then reached around the front of you and pulled you further back into him. He immediately went to the front of your jeans and opened them up and then plunged his fingers, as soon as he felt how wet you were for him you heard him tsk behind you saying “fuck mama, this all for me?”

When you nodded your head frantically he whispered into your ear in a low growl, “good girl, now show me how you can fuck” as he slammed 2 thick fingers into your hot, wet, and throbbing pussy.  As soon as he did that you let out a low moan and frantically started humping his fingers. You felt Joel bite your neck while saying “come on baby, don’t forget to give daddy some attention.”  He angled your hips back again against his hard bulge and helped you get into a rhythm. You continued to hump his fingers while still giving him some much needed friction. “Come on princess, that’s it. Yeah, fuck me” he said while moaning against you as you both where humping each other.  

When your knees started to give out, he lowered you to the ground on all fours as he yanked down your pants further.  The next thing you knew Joel was humping you hard from behind saying “ya know, I saw two wolves the other day fuck like this and I couldn’t stop thinking about doing this to you” he said humping you hard like you both were animal’s in heat. 

“God, put your cock in Joel, fuck” you said rubbing harder against his ass.

“No, only good girls get daddy’s cock, you robbed me of another orgasm sweetheart.  I was a few more pumps from blowing my sweet fucking load before you interrupted me yet again” he said biting hard on the back of your neck. “I haven’t been able to fucking come since I fucked you in that sleeping bag” he admitted finding that the angle wasn’t giving him enough friction that he wanted.  So he quickly grabbed you and yanked your pants the rest of the way off while sitting back down against the tree.  “Well go on, if you wanna fuck so bad, go ahead. Fuck me” he said with blown out pupils.

You stilled and looked at him and said, “huh Joel, baby you need to-”

“Shut up and just do it,” he growled moving your hips back and forth over his hard bulge that was still prominent and fully clothed in his pants.  After the two of you were grinding hard back and forth, you both needed more friction. Joel quickly unbuckled his belt and freed his cock. You watched him slowly start to stroke himself while looking at you in your eyes saying, “fuck baby, what the hell are ya doing t’me? I’m so fucking horny for you that I ain’t thinkin’ clearly anymore baby.”

You watched as Joel slowly stroked his throbbing cock. You knew Joel was trying to figure out how he could stop what was happening, but knowing that he was too worked up to put an end to this.  It looked like it hurt him bad at how much he throbbed and how much precum was leaking from him. You didn’t want an argument so you scooted down his legs and then leaned back and spread your legs to him while slowly running a finger through your wet slick folds says “Joel, I’m just as fucking worked up. And I know you ain’t wanting to fuck, I’d gladly do it though if you wanted.”

When you saw Joel slowly shake his head no while still continuing to slowly stroke himself you said “yeah I didn’t think so.”

You found yourself slowly sticking a finger in your dripping pussy and moaning at the sensation as your eyes rolled back in your head. God, it had been so long since you had a proper orgasm.  When you opened your eyes again you saw Joel looking at you like he was a wolf wanting to devour his meal that was in front of him.  This gave you a boost of self esteem so you said “Joel, I’m so fucking horny, so how about we both do this a bit.  You touch yourself, and I touch myself, and we both give in to the orgasm that we both know we need.”

“I can’t darlin’, you ain’t gonna play fair if we do any more” he said while stilling his hand and closing his eyes.

“Hey, look at me,” you said gently while touching his cheek.  When he opened his eyes you continued saying “I promise we’ll just do this. No touching for either of us to the other person or we both know how it ends. I know you’re not ready for that yet. But Joel, baby, I fucking need to cum so bad right now that it hurts, so please touch yourself.”  After a few more strokes of yourself you slip your slick coated finger into his mouth so he can taste how worked up you were. 

Joel moaned when he tasted how good you were. He wanted to lap at you right now but if he did, he knew he’d forget all self restraint and fuck you hard. “Your shit to my self control love, ya know that? And ya don’t fucking play fair” Joel said after he pulled your finger out of his mouth with a pop. 

“Who said about playing fair Joel? Here I have my boyfriend, supposedly, who doesn’t want to ever do anything sexually.  First relationship I’ve ever had where he’s someone who’s all talk and no do” you say slowly teasing your clit at your words.

“Watch your mouth there smartass, or you may not like what you’ll get baby” Joel says as a warning.

“Fuck your self control Joel, and your good fucking attitude” you say while sinking 2 fingers knuckle deep within you. “I just want to fuck my boyfriend’s cock, is that so bad?” you say while moaning and pumping your fingers in and out of your tight dripping hole.

Joel watched you give yourself over to pleasure and he couldn’t help himself, he had to indulge in his own pleasure.  So he spit in his hand and then slowly started stroking himself in time with your fingers. God this is fucking hot, he thought to himself.  “Fuck baby, take my cock good like that. And for the record, your boyfriend does wanna fuck you bad” he said as he continued to stroke himself at the speed of your fingers.

When you opened your eyes you noticed Joel was matching you thrust for thrust.  To tease him a little bit you decided to slow down the strokes of your fingers while saying, “come on daddy, you know you can do better than that.”

“Fuck woman, don’t tease,” he growled at you while slowing his strokes down to match you.

“Why Joel, doesn’t it feel good?” you say, dragging out your pleasure just a little longer.

“Fuuuck” he groaned while slamming his head back against the tree, watching you slowly fuck yourself with your fingers as Joel kept edging himself in time with you.  

After a few more slow pumps of your fingers, you felt that familiar feeling of your walls fluttering around yourself.  You knew you were not going to last for very much longer. So you sped up your fingers to start to fuck yourself fast, panting and moaning for Joel.  You looked over and saw Joel panting just as hard, cursing under his breath, fucking himself hard and fast up into his hand.

“Joel baby, I want you” you say panting.

“I know baby, I know. Don’t stop Angel, fuck, don’t stop.” he said in a strained voice.

“Pleeease Joel, I need more” you say begging him, for what you didn’t know.

“I know Angel, I know. But we can’t, we can’t, fuuck” he says watching you desperately chase your high, not quite getting deep enough with your fingers that he knows that you need.  He watched you get frustrated, begging for him to help you, and him telling you no.  Finally after a bit Joel saw you slow down your fingers, pulling them out, knowing that you never came. It’s in that moment he sees your true frustration, you haven’t been able to come since he had sex with you last, not that you hadn’t wanted to, but you couldn’t.  God Joel felt like a complete asshole at this moment.

“Baby, what’s the matter?” he said as he watched you get up and put your pants back on. “Come on honey, don’t do this” he said pleading with you to not shut down.

As soon as you opened your mouth you pulled away saying “I can’t. We-we need to focus.” 

“Why? Why did you stop” he asked you as he also quickly stood up putting himself back together and zipping himself up. 

As you turned around to face him you said, “Joel, I just- I don’t know- tell me what I have to do to-”

It was then that he realized where you were going and all Joel could say shaking his head was “Don’t, don’t go there.”

“Don’t go there, seriously Joel?” you said with a bite to your voice. “No. No Joel, I want to go there. I want to know why. Why is it everytime we get alone and stuff like this happens you say no? Fuck Joel, I can feel you’re turned on, damnit I can see it still right now. We were- we-” you say while trying to put to words what the two of you were doing, because it felt like it was more than just mutual masterbation. Frustrated you said, “fuck Joel, I’m turned on. So why do you resist it, why can’t you just give in and-”

“And fuck you?” he said sarcastically. 

“Yes Joel, why? Why can’t you fuck me?” you snapped.

“You don’t know what you’re askin’ for darlin,’” he said while shaking his head and looking off into the distance.

You were so frustrated with this man. For the lack of any intimacy, for the lack of communication with you, and for the lack of honesty.  You knew he side-stepped conversations that meant something to him, or brought up strong emotions to the surface. He was a big old broody man, a man that you truly loved, but damnit, you didn’t care in this moment if he was comfortable or not. Everytime you have listened and dropped the topic of discussion, no resolution ever came later on. He’d forget it and move on, treating you as if the topic never got brought up. But not today, today you weren’t going to let him get off so easily. This man in front of you made you question why the hell you were even here in the first place.  For your own sanity, you needed to know. You had enough of the games the two of you played, this time you were going to get to the heart of this and find a solution no matter what the solution was. If not, then you were going to leave permanently.  

So with a deep breath, and nerves shaking you all over, you said “You know, for someone who says he cares and wants me as his girlfriend, you do have a funny way of showing affection. No wonder why Sarah’s mom and Tess-”

“Don’t. Don’t you fucking finish that goddamn sentence little girl, I’m warning you. Don’t.” Joel sneered at you, anger boiling fast to the surface. Who the hell gave you the right to even speak about his past relationships, something you knew nothing about, he thought to himself. 

“Why Joel, cause it’s the truth?” you say getting more and more angry.  “Why could you fuck them and not me?” you snap feeling the tightening in your throat coming on. You knew you were hitting his emotional button with anger, but he was hitting yours where you didn’t feel worthy of love.  Something you didn’t want to admit to him or even to yourself.

“If ya recall darlin,’” he said with a bite to his voice, “I did fuck you.” 

“Yeah one time Joel, one time. And I get it why you didn’t want to after that, that you wanted to date me or whatever. But shit Joel, we don’t kiss, we don’t hug, we don’t-”

“What the fuck were we just doing then y/n, huh? Cause it looked to me that we were definitely doing something” Joel snapped back.

“Yeah, until you would have came and then it would have been done, nevermind that I needed more” you say throwing your arms up in the air. “Jesus Christ Joel, what the fuck do I gotta do to get you to give a shit about me?” you snap back feeling the sting starting to burn hot in the back of your throat.

“I do care. I do give a shit y/n. Fuck, why do you think I’m even out here with you?” he snapped. He didn’t want to have this conversation, the one where he knew you backed him into the corner on having. The one where he had to admit his fault to you, the reason why he has held back for all of these years, even before the outbreak with other women. He knew he needed to turn and walk away before it went any further, but he couldn’t. He wanted to, but he could see you were breaking in front of him. You had an idea that he didn’t care and that was not the reason for this problem.  So he stayed and gave into your and his frustration, and stood there having the one argument with you that he never wanted to have. 

You were so lost in your own anger and frustration that you never saw Joel wince at your outburst, or look at you pleading with his eyes to stop, asking you not to push him any further.  You were so lost in your own emotions that nothing registered in your brain at what you were seeing before you.  You shouted at him saying, “I don’t know Joel, why are you out here? You haven’t hardly been alone with me for 5 seconds for the past month and-”

“For good fucking reason, y/n. I haven’t been alone with you for a good fucking reason. Jesus” he said throwing his hands up in the air out of frustration.

“Then tell me,” you yelled back with tears stinging your eyes and starting to slide down your cheeks. “Tell me why I’m not good enough, Joel. Why did you fucking save my life when you clearly didn’t want to. Why didn’t you just let Dave kill me, when you clearly don’t care. Tell me Joel, why? Why am I in love with a man that doesn’t fucking love me back? What do I have to do to get you to fucking se-see me?” you say as the sob escapes your lips at the admittance of your feelings for the one man standing before you.

It was in that moment that Joel hated himself. He knew you were struggling with those emotions, he knew you loved him but fuck, this was not how he wanted you to say it to him. He knew he wasn’t the guy that liked to communicate his feelings.  Tommy always said while growing up that Joel’s biggest fault was his lack of communicating how he felt. He knew that was the reason why Sarah’s mom did what she did and left, and of why Tess never fully gave herself to him. He hated talking about his emotions and feelings, but he knew that you needed to hear the reason why, because he didn’t want to lose the one person he fucking loved more than anything in this world right now, and that person was you.  Ellie was the other person he loved so much, but he loved her like his own daughter. Where he loved you like his wife, his soulmate. 

When he didn’t respond right away you shook your head and said “maybe I should just-”

“No,” Joel said interrupting you. “Please baby, don’t leave” he said looking up at you with bloodshot eyes. You saw how tears were forming in his eyes and you didn’t understand why. Why would a man who was so closed off with you, who always hated things you did really care if you stuck around. 

“Why Joel, why?” you asked feeling broken. “Please.”  

When he didn’t respond again and looked away, you decided to go pack up a few things to leave. Ellie was wrong, you thought to yourself, I was wrong, he never wanted me. You didn't want to chop down a tree anymore. You just wanted to leave, to stop this pain and to just, I don't know, figure your own life out alone. You turned and had only taken about 4 steps away when you heard Joel speak. 

“I used to do contracting work before the outbreak, I owned a business called Miller Contracting” he said.  You paused and looked over at him and waited. Honestly, you were a little baffled as to why he’d bring that up now. “That sounds pretty cool Joel, you must have done a good job” is all that you could say. 

Joel just shook his head and snorted at your comment.  After a moment he continued saying “Sarah was about 2 years old at the time. Teesh, my wife, short for Theresa, was a stay-at-home mom at the time. We had only known each other, dated for about 5 months before she got pregnant with Sarah. She was young, barely 19 when she got pregnant with Sarah and I, being in my early 20s fucking knew better. One night after a date she was so hot, wanting me so bad. It was raining outside and we were on our way back from the movies.  We had gotten into a horrible fight on our way back and she started to cry. She said that I didn’t love her. But fuck, if that woman really knew how I felt about her we wouldn’t have gotten into that argument.”

“Anyways,” Joel said while switching sides with his rifle and slowly walking up to you. “She said I didn’t care and the next thing I knew we were parked on the side of the road and she was on my lap and- well, let’s just say that Sarah was created in my truck that night. I didn’t have anything for protection and she pleaded with me to not pull out. I was so swept up in the moment that I didn’t think that she may have been ovulating” he said with a smirk.

After a moment of silence you said “Joel, I’m sorry that happened, but what does that have to do with-”

“Just give me a minute here baby, please” Joel said while wiping a tear off his face. Finally after a few moments of Joel lost in thought you heard him continue.  “Sarah was born 9 months later and Teesh and I were married when she was 5 months pregnant. Teesh and I didn’t get along much, but we put a great effort in. Well when Sarah was about a year old I started my own business, Miller Contracting, and Teesh was my biggest supporter at the time, or so I thought. I busted my ass for my family. We moved out of this shitty 1 bedroom apartment into a house that I had built for her and Sarah. Sarah was about 2 years old and Teesh said she wanted another baby. After a few discussions I had agreed and we tried, fuck baby we tried so goddamn hard to do it. But when you’re working 60 hours a week, hardly home in the summer, it makes baby making a little harder.”

“Well, one day I got done with work a little early, about 2 pm, and wanted to go home to surprise Teesh. Sarah was over at the babysitters house cause Teesh needed a break that day. I went and bought her some flowers, stopped and got her favorite cheesecake from the best bakery, and was gonna go home and show my wife that her man needed her.  I bought a card and wrote in the card ‘baby, I love you and need you, J’. And for me, that was a lot for sharing my emotions.”

“When I walked into the house I heard some moaning coming from the bedroom. I thought my wife was giving herself some much needed attention. God, I was so turned on by it, wanted to watch her touch herself and then help her finish. So I walked up the stairs to our bedroom and then froze with what I saw.”

You felt your heart race fast in your chest when you looked at Joel in the face. You saw a man that looked broken in this second, shattered. You watched him taking a few shaky breaths to calm himself. Finally after a moment you said softly “Joel, what did you see?”

With a shake of his head, Joel looked you straight in the eyes and said, “I saw my wife fucking my best friend. The man who was like a brother to me. He was balls deep in my wife, fucking her with no protection and she was begging him to come inside her. And she was fucking ovulating.”

“Oh my God Joel, I’m so-”

“Don’t. Let me finish” he said clearing his throat and swiping another tear away from his cheek. Finally after a few moments he said while looking off in the distance, “She said the reason why she did it was because I didn’t care about her, that she felt that I never loved her, yet I did.” Joel looked back at you and said “darlin’ I struggle communicating my feelings, as you can tell. But don’t ever think for a second baby that I don’t care about you, cause I do. I’m just scared. I’m scared of losing the people that matter the most to me. I’ve lost everyone so far that I’ve cared about deeply, and I don’t want to lose you. I don’t make love to you baby, not cause I don’t want to. Fuck woman, I want you more than you god damn know. I just. I can’t risk sentencing you to death or our baby to death, because I fucking knocked ya up out here.”

Joel gently grabbed your face with both hands, and with looking into your beautiful eyes he said “I see you mama. I see you so god damn much in front of me and I- I, fuck.”  You watch a tear slip down his cheek, while shaking his head he continues saying, “I see you honey, ok. And I care about you, so damn much,” and with that he leans in and puts the softest kiss to your lips.

You allow yourself to melt into the kiss, and into him.  You don’t ask for more than what he is giving you, because this was Joel showing you that he cared. After a moment he deepens that kiss and brings you closer to him.  He skims your lips with his tongue, asking gently for access to your mouth, and you grant it to him with no resistance.  He doesn’t wrestle you with his tongue, but slowly moves it in your mouth, where both of your tongues are doing a slow dance exploring each other.  This isn’t a kiss that says ‘I want to fuck you.’  This is a kiss that says ‘I love you.’  Even though he hasn’t said it to you, you can feel it in this moment with how he is kissing you, as it is so intimate.  And you communicate the same thing to him with your slow tender kiss back.

When Joel had finished exploring your mouth, he gently pulled back and nipped your chin and jaw.  He then pulls you close into his arms and wraps his arms tenderly around you saying, “I care about you kiddo, don’t ever think differently, ok? And I promise baby, I’ll work on the affection part. But know that I care about ya, alright. I fucking care and want you more than you’ll ever know.” He gently starts swaying you side to side in his arms, caressing the back of your head and kissing you periodically on the top of your head.

“Ok, old man,” you say, and you hear him chuckle above you. “But ya gotta give me more than just the cold shoulder Joel. If you want me to believe you, and that you do care, you gotta give me more than just telling me these things baby. You gotta show me, and don’t worry, we’ll go at a pace that is comfortable for both of us, ok?” 

“Ok mama, ok.” he says and gives you the softest kiss on your lips again.  After pulling all the way back he picks up the axe that had dropped and hands it to you while saying, “ok smartass now swing that fucking axe and let me see that nice ass of yours." As you turn around he playfully slaps your ass.

You burst out laughing and say “ok Papa Bear, you better go sit down or you’re gonna have a heart attack if ya don’t watch it.”  And with that you glance back over your shoulder at him before you swing the axe towards the tree.  As you line up, you glance back to see if your form is ok. He nods once at you in a silent encouragement to keep going and you hit the tree.  As soon as the axe hit the tree you heard him say “good job baby, now do it again.” And so you follow his instructions.  Pretty soon the tree was chopped all the way down by you.  He had given you instructions and feedback along the way, encouraging you to keep going.  He had offered you to let him finish chopping the tree down for you when you got tired, which you promptly told him if he moved one muscle to grab that axe you were going to swing it at his head.  He laughed at you holding his arms up in surrender, and told you to continue then.  

Once the tree was chopped down he grabbed the axe from you and told you to go sit down to rest. He showed you how to check the tree for closer damage and how to chop some of the unhealthy branches off first. When you offered to drag the tree back to the cabin he said to you “nah baby, I got it” and then you followed him back watching him flex his muscles for you. Once you were back you immediately started sectioning off the tree into easier sections for firewood. Joel helped you chop wood, quietly glancing over at you as you both worked.  Once you saw him glance at your ass and stare at the curve of it.  You smiled and said “eyes up here cowboy” and pointed to your face.  He quickly cleared his throat and said “was looking behind you, not at ya,” as he adjusted his jacket with a red face from embarrassment that you caught him looking.  

You thought Joel being embarrassed looked cute, so you walked up to him and said with a smile “ya I know, my behind is sexy isn’t it?” Joel never answered you, but looked at you with intense eyes as he tightened his jaw.  When you walked away you heard him say under his breath “yeah baby it fucking is” and then you watched him re-adjust the front of his pants yet again.  Ellie was right, you thought to yourself, points go to the cocky teenager for being right.  You make a mental note that next time you talk with Ellie about something like this, you tell her that she was in fact right.  Papa Bear does love it when you go out to chop firewood.  You also make a mental note that you will definitely be making a trip out to the pine trees with Joel yet again. 

-End of Chapter 5-

A/N: Wow, this is the filthiest thing I have written so far. Once again there will be other chapters with these two. I already have a few written, had to split up what I originally wrote for this chapter into 3 separate chapters. Things eventually will heat up with these two and they eventually will fully give in. If you want to be added to the taglist let me know in the comments (tags only added to completed chapters or upcoming one-shots, not teasers).

Taglist: @punkshort @shotgun-shelby @strawbunnyx @orcasoul @pedritoferg @chiogarza @jesfreedark @untamedheart81 @rainbow12346 @nandan11 @swiftpascal @eliza-8 @joeldjarin @vickie5446 @nastiasnow

[buckychristwrites]

When The Rain Gathers | Chapter Three | j.t.

↳  Pairing: Jamie Tartt x f!reader

↳ Word Count: 4.2k

↳  Summary: Pain hits like a downpour, but when a heartbreak from your past is what greets you at your new job at Nelson Road Stadium, it's more like a catastrophic tsunami.

↳  Warnings: Enemies to lovers, Discussion of parental abuse, fluff and angst.

Series Masterlist | Masterlist | Main Blog

It had been the longest first week of your life.

For the most part, you shadowed Sharon to get a feel for how things were done around Nelson Road Stadium. It was mostly self explanatory, as it was all things you had already done before. There was only one session you had missed with her in the whole week.

Friday evening was more than welcomed when it finally came. You sighed happily when the clock read that it was time to leave. Come Monday morning, you would be released to start seeing the players, and anxious just didn’t seem to describe how you felt. All you wanted to do at this moment was pick up Ivy, go home, order pizza and curl up on the couch. 

A knock at the door pulled you from your daydream.

“Hiya!” Keeley called, her voice bubbly as the door creaked open. You smiled at her, surprised.

“Come in,” You urged, taking a seat once more as she walked over.

“How are things going?” She asked with a genuine look. “Settling in alright?” After a brief moment of mulling her question over, you shrug.

“About as well as to be expected,” You said, surprising yourself with your honesty. She gave you a small, soft smile. 

“Adjusting to a new job can be hard, I know,” She said. “When I had just started my firm, I felt like a fish out of water, you know?” I nod my head understandingly.

“Add in the fact that I haven’t lived in England for over six years,  I’ve never ever lived in London, and I’m navigating this new place with a toddler, and you may as well call me a martian.” Keeley snorted, her head falling onto her shoulder. Her amused look faded into one of empathy. 

“Rebecca and I were wonderin’ if you’d like to join us for dinner at Ola’s tonight. Sam’s restaurant.” 

My eyebrows raise. “Sam has a restaurant?”

She nodded excitedly before explaining, “It has Nigerian food. It’s wonderful. And the whole team will be there!” 

Your smile faltered, and Keely was quick to pick up on it. “Don’t worry! They’re loads of fun, once you get to know them.” 

As if getting to know the team as a whole was the problem, and not the one player you knew the most. 

“I don’t know…” You said, your eyes jumping around the room in an effort to avoid looking at her anymore. “I don’t have a babysitter for Ivy-“

“Bring her!” She exclaimed. “We’d love to meet her!” She gave you another lingering look. “Rebecca and I just want to welcome you to the Richmond family.” 

Your eyes meet hers this time. It was quite clear that Keeley was one of those people that simply does not take no for an answer. But there was no question. The answer had to be no. 

“Maybe next time?” You offer, heartbroken by the way Keeley’s smile faltered. “I just would rather have a babysitter for Ivy.” A long moment passed where Keeley just eyed you, and then she nodded understandingly.

“I’ll hold you to that next time, you better believe.”

You laughed. “Of course.”

When leaving that night, your office locked up tight, you felt incredibly relieved. Every step that you took closer to the parking lot made you more and more excited to get home. The hallways had largely emptied out, but in the distance, you could hear the post-training commotion coming from the changing rooms. Despite your short tenure with the club, you found yourself loving the sound. There was something quite wholesome listening to it. The laughter was always echoing through the hallways, and hitting your heartstrings in all of the right ways. 

As you got closer to the changing room, you found yourself slowing down in an effort to listen. Through the window, you could see that the players were all dressed, and mostly just mucking about.

“Oi, Tartt,” Colin called. “Ain’t your date with Anastasia tonight?”

Though you couldn’t see Jamie, or hear a response from him, the response he got from the team told the story. The chorus of “Oooooooooo”’s followed by praises and laughter bounced off the walls.

Something about it made you feel nauseous.

“What date is this? Three?” Sam asked while throwing his bag over his shoulder. Jamie walked into view. 

“Four, actually,” Jamie corrected with a smug smile.

This only seemed to rile them up more, Isaac appearing to shake Jamie’s shoulders.  

“Have you… you know?” Dani asked.

Jamie pursed his lips. “I don’t kiss and tell, lads.”

“But you have no problem fucking and telling,” Isaac pointed out. Your eyebrows rose to your hairline. A small part of you was surprised by their vulgarity, until you remembered that they didn’t have a reason to censor themselves, especially since they didn’t know you were listening. You pretended that the idea of Jamie sleeping with someone else didn’t make your skin crawl. 

“Wait, wait, Jamie…” Sam asked, waving his hands out in front of him. “Does this mean you have not slept with her?” Jamie’s cheeks turned a deep shade of red. A tell that he was embarrassed. When he didn’t say anything, his teammates began to round on him.

“Tartt! You fuckin’ gentleman!”

“Lasso has gotten to him, lads. He made him a carin’ guy!”

“He’s gotta properly fluff a girl up now before his willy stands up.”

“Does this mean you love her and want to cherish her, Jamie Tartt?”

“Boys, boys,” Jamie said, lowering his hands to the floor slowly. “When there is somethin’ to tell…I’ll tell it.” 

You decided you’d heard enough, pulling your phone from your pocket as you began to walk down the hall once more. Your fingers were moving without the explicit permission of your brain, as if you were on autopilot. The next thing you knew, you were bringing the speaker to your ear. It’s unclear what part of the conversation made you change your mind, but one thing was obvious: You no longer wished to spend the night alone at home. 

“Hello?” The bubbly voice answered.

“Hey,” You said, your tone nervous. “I’ve given it some thought and… is that invitation for dinner still open?”

Jamie stared at your receding back, your words stirring something in his chest. Dinner? You mean…a date? So soon after you’ve moved home? 

He shook his head. It didn’t concern him anymore. You were just another girl in his life now. What you did was of no concern to him.

Except it was a concern to him. He just couldn’t help it. Even after three years apart, he still felt so drawn to you, like you're the North and he’s a compass that can do nothing else but point to you. As unfair as it was, as much as you wanted him to fuck off and leave you alone, he couldn’t help it. The thoughts of you crept in when he least expected it. He wondered what your house looked like, and what you did in your free time now that you lived alone, and where you did your grocery shopping, and if you had found a new favourite takeout place. But most of all, he wondered if there was any part of you that would ever consider, even in the least bit, forgiving him. 

By the time he began to walk again, you had already disappeared out the door and into the car park. He was still staring down the hall when he came out of his thoughts. The boys came up from behind to follow you out, and Jamie plastered on the best smile he could muster as he did the same. He had a date, after all. What was there to be upset about?

The drive home seemed to go by quicker than normal due to Jamie’s preoccupied thoughts. Who was the dinner with? 

He fumbled with his keys while attempting to unlock his door. Was it with someone he knew?

Dropping his bag next to the front door, he made his way upstairs for a quick shave and to change. After all, he showered back at the stadium. Worse, was the dinner with one of his teammates?

The phone chimed, bringing him back to reality. Anastasia’s name crossed over his lock screen. Normally, this would bring him a shock of excitement. But now, at this moment, he felt nothing as he picked up his phone.

R u picking me up? x

Didn’t he already tell her that he would? He typed back a simple Yeah before turning back to his closet to dig out some shoes. When his phone chimed again, he huffed. Why am I getting so annoyed? He found himself asking. 

U better behave urself James Tartt! x

Real annoyance filled his chest. He couldn’t count how many times he told her not to call him by his full name. 

“I only ever behave myself,” He grumbled, dropping his phone back on the bed without responding.

“Alright, love, you ready to behave yourself at the restaurant?” 

“Yes!” Ivy shouted, jumping up and down. She was wearing the purple dress she had picked out, a white bow in her hair. You laughed before peaking back in the mirror and straightening out the dress that she had picked out for you. The smile faltered only slightly. Was this too much? It wasn’t formal, it felt more… clubby to you. But you knew how angry the tiny fashion critic would be if you tried to change. 

“Let’s go, Mummy!” Ivy shouted, tugging at the hem. 

“Alright, alright,” You sighed, shaking your head as you whipped her into the air before bringing her to your hip. A quick Google search had told you that the restaurant was just around the corner from you, and you were thankful to not need the pram. “Do you wanna walk or be carried?”

“Walk, please!” She shouted happily, bouncing up and down.

“Alright, but you better keep hold on Mummy’s hand or a car’ll turn you into an Ivy pancake.”

The surprise on her face made it impossible not to laugh. 

“NO pancake, Mummy!”

“The tiniest Ivy pancake!” You continued to tease as you slipped your shoes on. The toddler shrieked in dismay, still smiling and giggling at you. As you reached for the door, your other hand extended out for her. She didn’t hesitate before running up and smacking her tiny palm into yours. 

The cool evening air felt perfect when you stepped outside. Ivy proudly walked beside you, feeling like one of the grown ups. 

“Are you ready to meet the people Mummy works with?” You asked as the two of you stop at a crosswalk. 

“Yes!” A beat passed. “And eat!”

“Oh yes,” You agreed, nodding. “That’s more important, isn’t it?”

The light changed to Walk, and the two of you made your way across. The fact that Ivy wasn’t trying to run away from you made you feel a little easier about the evening ahead. Already, you could see the restaurant slowly coming into view. 

The anxiety filled your tummy, but the squeeze of your fingers from the toddler at your side made you feel slightly better. At least someone there was unconditionally on your side. 

The door opened and released an array of sounds, filling the quiet from the outside. The dining room was filled with footballers, who were laughing loudly as multiple conversations happened at once. In the middle of the room, the tables were all pushed together, the table set like a family style dinner. You looked down uneasily at Ivy, who only looked excited despite the amount of people around. At first, as you crossed the threshold into the restaurant, your arrival seemed to go unnoticed. But then, a flash of blonde bounded through the room. She shouted your name before throwing her arms around you. Just by her behaviour, it was clear she was already a few drinks deep.

Keeley kneeled down to the toddler’s level, who was suddenly holding onto your legs. “And this must be Miss Ivy?” She smiled warmly, her voice gentle. “I’m Keeley. It’s nice to meet you.” Ivy stared at Keeley with a curious glance, though her face was still largely hidden behind the hem of your dress. You pressed your palm to the back of her head, your thumb stroking her hair.

“Sorry, she’s so shy,” You explained, giving her a sheepish smile. Keeley shook her head as she stood up straight again. 

“‘S’alright,” She said with an unwavering smile. “I’m just glad you’re here. Come on!” She took your free hand and led you and Ivy to the other side of the table. When a high chair had been set up at the end, your heart skipped a beat. You lifted the toddler up and set her in the seat. She looked pleased, as she knew she was about to get food. As if he had a sixth sense of reading minds, Sam Obisanya appeared out of nowhere and set down a plate of chicken nuggets and fries in front of Ivy. And before you even had the chance to protest, you noticed the nuggets were already cut up. You look at Sam in wonder.

“You didn’t need to do all this,” You said to him, swallowing the lump in your throat. Behind the two of you was a buffet style table of food. Sam waved you off.

“As soon as Keeley told me you were bringing your daughter, I decided to do this.” His expression grew embarrassed. “I wanted to apologise for the team’s reaction the day you began. It was not fair for us to judge you so harshly, and so quickly.” Overhearing, Dani Rojas turned around, his smile warm and friendly.

“Yes, we owe you a sincere apology,” He added. When you turned, you found that Isaac had his arms out, gesturing towards the entire room.

“That’s what this is,” He told you. “Our Welcome-To-The-Team-Sorry-For-Being-Dicks dinner.” 

You shook your head, astonished. “This is so nice, I’m-”

An arm wrapped around your shoulders, and when you turned, it was Rebecca, with a deep smile.

“We’re so happy to have you here,” She said, bringing you in for a hug. When you looked over, Keeley was playing with Ivy as she ate her dinner, the toddler looking as though she was starting to get comfortable with your new friend. When your eyes find Rebecca again, you can feel them welling up with tears.

“I’m just going to run to the toilet real quick,” You said, desperately trying not to sound strained. She nodded understandingly before letting you go. As you make your way to the back, you have to refrain from rushing. You didn’t want to come off like something was wrong. The door swung shut behind you, and you pressed your back against it, taking deep breaths to calm down.

As the door shut behind him, Jamie looked around Ola’s with a wide smile. Anastasia was to his left, hugging her arms around her torso.

“James, why are we here?” She asked him without a single effort to hide her annoyance. Flinching, he gave her a look. 

“Me whole team’s here,” He said, as if it were obvious. When she stared at him with a hard look, he sighed in defeat. “We won’t stay long.” 

It only took one teammate to notice Jamie for the whole room to erupt into cheers and shouts. He smiled as he walked up to Moe, clapping his hand into his friend’s before pulling him into a hug. 

“Life of the party’s here now, ain’t he?” 

Moe, Zoreaux and Colin all shook their heads and laughed as they greeted their friend. Jamie saw them glancing at Anastasia as she followed him through the room. She didn’t speak to anyone, and it took him a moment to realise she was staring down at her phone. 

Shaking off his annoyance, Jamie spotted Keeley at the other end of the table. She had her back towards him, and it appeared like she was talking to someone, though he couldn’t tell who. A comfort fell over him as he approached. 

“Hey, darlin’,” He said, putting his hand on her shoulder. She looked up at him, first in surprise, and then in excitement. 

“You made it!” She exclaimed, giving him a hug. He closed his eyes at the contact. After the week he had, and the date he was already predicting he was about to have, he needed a hug. When she pulled away, she nodded to the side. “Look who’s been keeping me company?”

He followed her gaze to the toddler in the high chair that he somehow missed upon approach. His face softened as he looked her up and down. She had deep brown curls and familiar looking eyes. He lowered himself down to her level, her round blues staring intently at him.

“And who are you, love?” He asked, his voice friendlier now. She pulled her hands away from her mouth.

“Ivy!” She exclaimed, trying to hide a smile.

“Ivy? My, what a lovely name!” Jamie threw a glance back at Keeley. “What, are you a nanny now or somethin’?” 

“Of course not, she’s-”

“You?” 

Jamie turned back to the toddler, his face curious and playful again. Ivy was staring at him with watchful eyes as she waited for his answer.  

“Who am I?” He asked, pointing to himself. She nodded excitedly. “I’m Jamie! Nice to meet ya!” He held a hand out towards her for a shake, but she just shoved it away. As she pulled her hands back towards her face, she eyed him, as if begging him to respond. He pretended to be offended with a loud gasp, which made her giggle. “Someone has to teach this muppet some manners!” He reached forward and gave her round tummy a tickle. A shriek of laughter left her mouth as she tried to escape him, though it was impossible due to the high chair. 

“Jamie!” Someone called from across the room. Turning away from his new friend, he rose to his feet, the welling feeling of elation in his chest dissipating. When a disgruntled shout came from behind, he turned towards Ivy once again, who looked at him with a fierce angry face that, for whatever reason, gave him deja vu.

“What?” He asked. In lieu of words, she angrily crossed her arms over her chest. He mirrored her, making the same face back at her. “Do ya want to come with me?” The anger washed away from her face in an instant, and was replaced with bright enthusiasm.

“Yes!”

Jamie’s heart lurched when Ivy reached out towards him, an invitation to pick her up. He hoisted her up and tossed her on his shoulders, receiving a squeal of approval in return. With one index finger in each of her hands to keep her steady, he began to walk the room.

“Dani!” Jamie shouted as he approached his friend. There was a bounce in his step now, and he could hear Ivy giggling as she held on tightly to his fingers. Rojas turned, his eyes immediately on the toddler and causing his crescent moon smile to fill his face.

“Hello there, amiga!” He exclaimed, taking a step forward. Ivy ducked behind Jamie’s head.

“This is Ivy,” He said proudly. He turned his head ever so slightly towards her. “Ives, this is Dani. He’s a friend! Don’t be shy.” Though she popped her head out a little more, she didn’t not greet the stranger. Jamie gave Dani a reassuring glance. “Don’t worry, she’s just feelin’ bashful, don’t ya, love?” Dani tickled Ivy’s foot, causing her to giggle loudly. A broad smile filled his cheeks.

Jamie continued his parade around the room. At the same time, he found himself wondering who this little girl belonged to. If she didn’t come with Keeley, the first person he saw her with, then who? She didn’t resemble anyone else in the room. And he thought he had met the families of at least most, if not all, his teammates.

The bell of the door rang out, and when Jamie turned, he saw Roy Kent walk inside. He gasped dramatically.

“Look who it is!” He announced as he made his way to the dark haired man. “Roy Kent! Roy Kent! He’s here-“ He jerked Ivy to the left. “He’s there-“ He jerked Ivy to the right. “He’s every-fuckin’-where!” He bounced to the beat of the song, instigated by the sounds of the little girl’s laughter.

“You might want to watch your fuckin’ language around her,” Roy warned. 

“Who are you to talk?” 

He shrugged. “Not a person walkin’ around with a toddler on my shoulders.” Though his face was still impossible to read, Jamie didn’t miss the way Roy’s eyes softened when he eyed Ivy. “Who brought her?” Jamie shrugged in an exaggerated fashion, making the toddler bounce and laugh once again.

“No idea.”

Roy began to head further into the room, with Jamie and Ivy close behind. The walnut mist footballer eyed the food table and remembered how starved he was. Not that he could do anything about it in the moment. 

“Are you having fun?” Rebecca asked as she approached. Jamie bounced some more, raising Ivy’s hands up along with his own before jerking them back down quickly, earning another contagious laugh. 

“I am,” He said, as Rebecca gave Ivy a fond look.

“She’s very sweet,” She remarked as she rubbed the toddler’s back lovingly. It seemed it wasn’t just Jamie who Ivy had wrapped around her finger. The whole room was slowly dropping like flies to the toddler’s adorable smile and piercing laughter.

“Who’s kid is she?” He asked Rebecca, the smile still wide on his face. Despite his distraction, he didn’t miss the way her smile faltered.

“You-“ She looked between him and Ivy, a deep crinkle forming between her eyebrows. “She’s-“

“Jamie Tartt!”

The shout started everyone in the room, including Ivy. He felt her release his hands as as he whirled around, his heart seizing as he felt her fall backwards off his lap.

The entire room seemed to pause. Jamie expected a loud thump, already flinching at his failure, but it never came. When he turned, he found that Ivy was safe in a pair of arms. 

Yours. 

Behind you was Jan Maas, who had stopped you when you were on your way out of the bathroom to return to the party. It was just a normal conversation, though not without some very intense and obvious flirting from his side. Since he’d been a few drinks deep at this point, and wasn’t on the roster as a participant in the therapy program at AFC Richmond, you decided to let it slide. It wasn’t until Anastasia had yelled out at her date that you turned and realised that your daughter was no longer in the high chair with Keeley. 

As you raised Ivy to your side, resting her on your hip, your eyes never left Jamie. His eyes were pleading as they stared into yours, the pieces of the puzzle coming together in his mind. Ivy picked that moment to wrap her arms around your neck, pressing her head against the side of yours.

“Mummy,” She said lovingly with a content sight. You raised your hand and patted her back. Opening your mouth to speak, you were stopped by the Russian model coming up behind Jamie.

“I want to leave,” She hissed into his ear. He glanced back at her with a look that suggested he had forgotten about her presence entirely.

His eyes turned back to yours, searching for answers. You had them all, but no words to give them with. 

Anastasia grabbed his arm and pulled him towards the door to leave. His feet dragged across the floor as he kept throwing glances back towards you, even still when he was outside and walking by the windows. 

The party had largely resumed, except for you, as you set Ivy back down in the high chair and sat down next to her. 

The moment you had never prepared yourself for.

He knows.

He knows. 

You stared at Ivy, who was now eating her foot again, albeit while acting a bit more fussy than she had before. Was she just worn out? Or was she missing him? You buried your face in your hands.

“Hey.” 

When you looked over, Keeley was sitting down next to you, placing a comforting hand on your shoulder. You nod in acknowledgement. Even when you looked away, you could still feel her stare burning holes in the side of your head.

“So, you and Jamie…”

You closed your eyes.

“Yup,” You said slowly, drawing out the word. “Me and Jamie.” 

“How long ago was that?” 

You glanced at Ivy, who was dancing to the song playing over the speakers. “We knew each other forever, and dated for four years, I think. Ended about…” You narrowed your eyes in thought. ”…three years ago.” 

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Keeley looking between you and Ivy. You could practically see the maths she was doing in her head like it was written in white in the air around her. 

“Does he know?” She asked. You sigh before turning to look at her again. She nodded towards Ivy. “Does he know she’s his?” 

You laugh slightly without an ounce of humour. 

“He didn’t,” You said, with a shake of your head. “But he definitely does now.”

~

A/N

I don't know if anyone cares to know about this, but i thought I would take the time to explain some of my process with this fic, mostly because I love it and i've put a lot of thought into it! A big inspiration for this story has been the song Euclid by Sleep Token, and in particularly, the line "Yet in reverse, you were all my symmetry, a parallel I would lay my life on. So if your wings won't find you heaven, I will bring it down like an ancient bygone". The duel POVs are to show that, even though they aren't together, Reader and Jamie still have an unexplainable symmetry, and constantly parallel each other, and as the story goes on, the parallels will become more obvious. Each time the POV changes, it's when a thought or action of theirs parallel. The title also comes from this song, from the line "Do you remember me when the rain gathers?" You'll also notice that rain is a prominent feature in this fic. A fun fact is that I debated making the title the whole lyric, but decided it would be too long. This fic was also almost titled Take Me Back To Eden, which is another sleep token song, but i decided WTRG fit it better! If you cared enough to read all of this, thank you for supporting me in my writing. I have tried to slow down with my writing so i can take better care with my chapter planning and writing, I hope that work shows! Please let me know what you think! :)

~

TAGS

@oncasette, @shiptheship, @ajkdjdnkekemfxj, @breepboopbap, @sssatorus, @jelleeyfish, @puckyou-forpuckssake, @ricciardhoe3, @buckybarnex, @loveslide, @hopefulromances, @sokkigarden, @optimisticsandwichgladiator, @hanybunch, @skewedcherries, @pythagothug, @thatonedogwithablog, @gcidrvsh, @star-of-velaris, @burkayyy, @loveforaugust

[stylesparker]

A Lover’s Touch

PAIRING: Regulus Black x Reader

WORD COUNT: 1.5k

A/N: TOUCH STARVED REG I THINK YES. I think this is probably the spiciest thing I have potentially written, so I think I’d say at least 16+ for a part of the fic. Not the whole ordeal, but I’m still giving a warning since there is a little dirty talk.

He wishes this dreadful feeling would go away. It almost feels like a knot in his chest that he can’t get rid of, it just sticks around until it decides to go by itself. It only ever really decides to leave when you’re around.

Somehow, just your presence unravels the knot and settles his mind at peace. When you take him into your arms and just hold him in your lap, that makes him feel like this is what life should be. Life should be filled with peace and happiness, and a lover who can provide you with that. He would say family too, but he lost all hope of that a long time ago.

Regulus has come to understand that somehow, he brings the same comfort to you that you do him. Somehow, his touch alone will calm your cries and settle your mind at peace too. Neither of you know how you stayed just friends for so long after you met, since it had been obvious to everyone (except the two of you of course) how in love the two of you were with one another, even from the very beginning. He battled with his mind for so long, convincing himself that he wasn’t worthy of your love or you deserved better. But how you had completely proved him wrong.

He thinks about this now as he sits back against the headboard of his bed. Ever since he woke up this morning, he’s had this… itch. He doesn’t know how to describe it, it’s like every time he sees you, his whole body just starts buzzing to be close to you. You haven’t had much time together the past month from tests, so he’s wondering if he’s just missing you. But, this is different. He’s missed you before and he’s never felt so jittery or nervous?

He fiddles with his fingers, replaying the last time he truly got to touch you. Run his fingers along your soft skin, or bury his face in your neck. Kiss your face, down to your chest, down the middle of your stomach, down…

His eyes snap open, and he groans loudly, turning over and stuffing his face in his a pillow. “Stop,” he mutters to himself. He doesn’t really understand why he feels so guilty, after all you are his partner.

This is the moment that the door to his room opens with a click, and your figure peeks around the corner looking into the room. You scan the room, your eyes immediately finding the lump on the bed, making your mouth curve into a small smile. “Reg?” You say quietly, just in case he was asleep.

Your heart flutters as his face pops up out of the pillows, his curls bouncing cutely on the top of his head. He sits up on the edge of the bed, urging you forward towards him. You take a couple steps, finding yourself in his embrace as his arms come around your waist and his head rests gently on your stomach. You quickly notice that something is off, since his head is almost trying to burrow itself into you, and the smallest of whimpers escape him.

Your hand gently lifts his chin, your other hand scratching his head. It’s like he melts into your touch, almost sighing in relief. “What’s goin’ on in that pretty head of yours, huh?” you asked ever so softly.

Regulus groans, shaking his head, averting his gaze from you once again. With a sigh, you pull away from him, only to settle yourself on top of his lap, which makes him suck in a deep breath.

“Baby,” you cradle his face gently, “you wanna tell me what’s going on or do I have to pull it out of you?” He looks at you for a long moment. His eyes so full of love and admiration, it makes you turn to jelly and want to curl up in his arms. He can’t help himself when he leans forward, kissing you and taking your breath away. As soon as he parts from you, he’s kissing you again, softly this time. His hands squeeze your waist, pulling you impossibly closer to him as his lips move to the side of your neck.

“Just- I just want you to touch me,” he whines, “please.”

“Touch you?” You question. Regulus suddenly sucks harshly on a spot of your neck that always has you turning into a puddle for him, his fingertips digging into the bottom of your ass as you shift on top of him. “Oh, touch you like that.”

“I’m sorry,” he pulls away quickly, shaking his head in front of you. “I shouldn’t-”

“Why not?” You ask gently. “It’s okay, we haven’t had much time together lately. It’s normal.”

“Normal to be thinking of you every single second of the day? Thinking of how I just want to kiss every inch of your body and bury myself between your thighs?” He smirks when he sees you swallow visibly at his words, and your hips starting to squirm.

“Regulus-” you moan.

“Baby, just touch me, yeah? While I touch you, I just wanna be close.” His nose nuzzles against yours, making you lean closer and breath erratically against his mouth. “Can you do that for me?”

“Yes,” you nod vehemently, your hands that were at his shoulders slide down his body to his stomach, resting gently there. You decide to follow your gut, pushing him gently back onto the bed so he looks up at you as your hands glide softly over his shirt. He breaths deeply, nodding his head allowing you to peel the shirt off his body.

After he follows after you, taking your own shirt off, you lay there, breathing heavily on top of him. His hands rub gentle circles on your waist, and your hands rest against his chest, rising and falling with the beat of his heart. You don’t know if it’s just from you’re bad day, or if you’re overwhelmed from finally seeing Regulus again, but you can’t help the small tears from escaping the corners of your eyes. You bury your head into the crook of his shoulder, hoping he wouldn’t notice your change in mood. But unfortunately, he did, since he always does. His brows furrow in confusion, sitting up with you still curled on his lap.

“I’m sorry,” you shake your head quickly, “I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry-”

“Honey, you don’t have to apologize, what’s going on?” He inquired softly.

You sniffle, “I just… I needed you. S-So bad, and like, I have you now so I think I’m just a bit overwhelmed.”

“Oh, baby,” he leans down, lifting your chin with the tip of his finger, “like you told me, it’s normal. We all have feelings, and you should never apologize for them. I’m not gonna lie, this isn’t how I was expecting the night to go, but I’d really like to share a bath with you. How does that sound?”

You giggled quietly, rubbing your now runny nose. Your forehead hits his shoulder, staying there a moment before you uttered, “I would like that very much.”

Now Regulus thinks this is the most peace you’ve felt together in a long while. He doesn’t feel so jittery or nervous anymore as your body leans against his in the tub, your back to his chest. He feels relieved, like a weight had been lifted or a heavy rock was taken off his chest. The warm, bubbly water smells really nice as it surrounds you, cleaning off your skin after a long day.

He never really took baths before you came into his life, but dang does he have to admit these do really feel nice.

“My love?” You hum in response, “You feeling any better?”

“Much,” you whisper, shifting slightly but one of your hands takes a hold of his, bringing it close to your chest. You bring his hand up to your lips and kiss his knuckles softly, rubbing his other hand with your thumb under the water. It almost makes him sleepy, wanting to just lay his head back and fall right to sleep. But his head falls forward right onto your shoulder, kissing your neck a couple times before he nuzzles into you. 

“You made me feel better, too.” he whispers. 

“Yeah?” You turn your head as much as you can to see him, looking at him as he lifts his head and nods, his eyes a little droopy from being tired.

“Yeah, just.. having you around is enough to fix everything.” 

You lip juts out in awe, wanting to coo at him and kiss him all over his face for making you melt as you just did. 

“Sometimes you just know exactly what to say,” you gush, “you never fail to make me so happy, ya’ know that?” He grins widely, his pale cheeks slightly blushing. You laugh and turn around in his hold, kissing both sides of his face before you finally land one on his lips. 

“Wait, sometimes?”

[sourpatchys]

May I request France era Daryl? Reader sees how stressed he is and, though she is feeling the same way, she wants to take his mind off things. Cue some sexy times.

Title: The Theory of Touch

Rating: NSFW❤️‍🔥 18+

Word count: 1.6k

Time: Daryl Dixon ep 1

Summary: Daryl and Reader haven’t met eye to eye since they were in America, with Daryl’s guilt over the situation, reader can’t seem to get through to him— until finally, they do. FEMALE reader!

A/N— please ignore the fact that the reader didn’t have a bra or shoes on. Just pretend she took them off to dry or something idk. Also! I haven’t written smut in over a year so I do apologize if it’s not up to par with my other works!

France. You hated France.

You couldn’t read any of the signs, you couldn’t understand any of the labels, you didn’t know where you were, you didn’t know how to get home.

You were lost, in a vacuum of uncertainty.

Daryl wasn’t really helping. Once you’d washed to shore, it was as if a switch flipped and he turned into a shell of the man you knew. He wasn’t speaking to you— he couldn’t even look at you.

You knew— he felt guilty. He was the one who started the fight that got you here. He wouldn’t talk to you in the cell either, apart from a grunt or a nod— he even shrugged you off when you tried to hold his hand.

You missed the man you’d married. He’d had his moments in the past— but they’d never lasted this unbearably long— not with you— never with you.

Finding that little abandoned boat was probably the best thing that’s happened to either of you in weeks. Not only was the past owner English speaking, but he had laid out a map, and unknowingly gave you the strength to keep going.

Even so, the issue with Daryl persisted long into the night. His spark was gone.

“Daryl.” You called, scooting over to him on the creaky floorboards. His back was turned to you as he stared up towards the cloudless sky, picking at the bones from the fish you had shared earlier in the day.

Of course, he didn’t answer.

“Daryl talk to me.” You borderline begged, reaching your hand up to grasp at his shoulder, begging to whatever god may be listening that he wouldn’t shrug you off again.

He didn’t, though he didn’t seem to be paying you any mind either. His coastal blue eyes still staring up, a newfound gleam settling itself over them. He was fighting back the urge to cry.

“I love you.” He finally cracked out, his head falling as his body shook.

He just didn’t know what to do. He had promised you so many years ago, that he’d protect you, that he would keep you safe no matter the cost. All he’s managed to do is cause trouble. He didn’t deserve your kind words. He didn’t deserve your love.

But his love was all he had to give. Not salvation, not protection, not even a roof over your pretty little head.

Wrapping your arms around him, you held him close, peppering small kisses along his tear stained cheek.

“I know you do, I know you do— I love you too.” You repeated over and over again, begging him to see you, to see that you were okay, to see that you loved him just as much as you did yesterday, just as much as the day you’d met him. He was your life, your reason for living.

The kisses continued, soothing their way up and down his neck, behind his ear and along his hairline. You needed his touch— and he needed yours.

After what felt like hours, he finally turned your way, his calloused hand making its way up to cradle your soft cheek as he leaned in, his lips finally encapsulating your own.

This kiss— it felt just like the first kiss you had ever shared, the absolute desperation in your body’s screaming to be satisfied. You couldn’t live without each other’s touch.

You quickly became breathless as his body pushed into yours, his teeth dragging along your lower lip as he begged you for permission to deepen the kiss— you of course, complied.

His tongue felt like fire against yours as his hands ripped their way under your clothes, his cold fingers tracing the indentation under your breasts, warming themselves up before engulfing them whole, squeezing and twisting your malleable skin.

Soon you felt your own hands doing much the same, sneaking their way to the hem of his shirt, begging for him to rip it off.

The cold air of the night long gone between the friction of your bodies.

Soon both of your shirts were long gone as he pushed you to the floor, the freezing feeling of the damp wood bringing you down from your high as Daryl crawled his way between your parted legs, his head darling straight for your neck as his hands once more moved to cup your breasts.

His mouth traced every vein and artery you had, sucking in perfectly round bruises as he skillfully made you lose your sanity.

The ache between your legs unable to be soothed as his hips were angled just perfectly to make it impossible to create friction.

“Baby please—“ you begged, silently groaning with half lidded eyes as you clawed your fingers down his spine, unable to take the sweet torture after weeks without it.

He didn’t listen to your begging however, he only moved his body downwards, making sure your legs had no chance of coming together. He wasn’t a sadist, but he did love to see you beg— to see you completely undone.

His tongue darted down your chest, leaving bitter kisses down its path, avoiding your nipples all together— he had a different craving that day.

He traced all the way down to the hem of your pants, tracing his fingers across the seams, sucking away at the spot right above where you needed him most.

You were almost in tears, feeling the hot building pressure begging for release. You dared not beg as you thrashed your body around, you needed him now, you couldn’t handle it any longer.

Ripping your hands from above your head, you threaded them into the archers hair, pushing his face where you needed it, almost growing as you did so.

He chuckled, his first real laugh in heaven knows how long, as he slowly undid your button and zipper, ripping down the rest of your clothing before sliding his hands under your thighs, pushing them up, refusing to give you the power you so desperately wanted.

With your body open to him fully, he took a glance at your beautiful wet folds, how they quivered in the newly chilly environment, as he brought his head down to you once more.

The first dart of his tongue was nothing but that— a tease to rile you up, purposefully missing all of the parts that needed attention.

“Daryl— Daryl please I can’t handle this— please!”

This time, he did listen to you, his tongue darting out once more, immediately circling your clit in a way that had you arching your body in utter relief.

His skillful tongue flicked and prodded, finding all of your weak spots using nothing but muscle memory, the hot boiling feeling building in the best way possible as you came closer and closer to your sweet release.

Soon his lips closed around your sensitive bud as he started sucking and lapping, his hand releasing your thigh as he slowly slid a finger into you, his calloused fingertip immediately finding the soft spot that drew you mad.

Your moan was quiet as you finally got your release, it came like hot boiling lava. You were positive you’d never had an orgasm so unbelievably blissful.

He rode you out throughout your high, slowing down his motions as your body began to twitch, your thighs quivering uncontrollably.

Soon his mouth and hand were removed, his eyes glancing into your own, both pairs half lidded.

A small laugh filled the space between the two of you, you were finally becoming yourselves again.

Daryl had planned on giving you time to recover, you were still heaving, your eyes completely glossed over— though you had other plans as you shoved your heel into his side, urging for him to continue.

You still needed his touch— you weren’t satisfied.

You watched as his beautifully crafted hands popped open his jeans, sliding them down to his knees.

He never was a guy who enjoyed underwear— and today was no different.

His cock sat firm between his legs, the tip already glistening with precum as he stroked himself, preparing his body for your warmth.

“I love you Daryl.” You whispered, looking him in the eyes as he began to trace the tip of his cock between your folds.

Instead of replying, he once again smashed your lips together as he slid himself inside you, the stretch once again igniting that soft burn between your legs.

The first few thrusts were deep and slow, his body colliding with yours over and over again as he began to create a blissful rhythm.

Your lips stayed connected as you once more fought for dominance, your tongues dancing with the melody of your body’s.

Daryl’s hands were gripping your hips so hard with every thrust, you knew you’d be sore, but just knowing he was touching you, that he was feeling you— it was worth it.

Every thrust lit a fire under your skin, constantly hitting that soft bundle inside of you— your head felt like static, all you could feel was him— his body— his breath. You were in heaven.

The build up of his vigorous hips happened much faster than before, your body was already beyond sensitive, as you felt the elastic band inside you snap, you once again spilled your high squeezing yourself around his cock as your warmth overtook him.

“Gnh—!” He growled, snapping his hips a few more times before ripping himself out of you and spilling all over your breathless, heaving body.

You stayed like that for a few minutes, catching your breath, listening for any change of sound around you. As quiet as you both tried to be, any noise is still noise.

Once the coast was deemed clear and the two of you had calmed down and gotten dressed, it seemed your relationship had been put back into place.

Lying on the floor, your head cradled into Daryl’s chest, you spoke one final time for that night,

“We can get through this, I know we can.”

[anglingforlevels]

Yours (Reader x Platonic Yandere!Imposter)

I can't walk on my knee, and apparently, knee-pain is the best motivator to write because I sat down and wrote this. Not sure if it makes sense, but alas.

CW: Yandere, monsterfuckery, reader has a brother, mental anguish, straight up no one has a good time in this story, not proofread, dead dove

Minors DNI

Today was an important day.

You hadn’t slept very well, still exhausted to the bone. Nonetheless, you had dressed up nicely for the occasion. A certain anxiety flittering and forcing you to fiddle around with trinkets and empty frames. You really should find a picture for that frame, then again, pictures was always more your brother’s thing.

The unrest culminated in said empty frame receiving a crash course in gravity, repaying the favor by glass shattering across the floor.

Damnit.

“Breaking the apartment?”

You were immediately faced with that question when you sheepishly emerged from your room to search for a broom. Asked by none other than your brother, James, who was lounging comfortably on the sofa, flipping through a magazine, he made a hand motion urging you to come sit too.

“Not yet. I dropped something, alas, my hands must be as smooth as marble, it just rolled right out of them.” You sighed and shrugged, awaiting the usual punchline expectantly. James made the grand sacrifice of looking away from the pages of his magazine to direct a raised eyebrow at you.

“Smooth as what now?” He asked, and your arms dropped, for a moment your expression did too, caught off guard. You collected yourself quickly though.

“Marble. It’s either this lame joke or self-deprecation.” At this, you dramatically sighed and lifted your hand to your forehead, “Oh, it seems even picture frames flees from my touch.”

James wrinkled his nose at this. “Ugh, no, I’d rather have Mx. Marble Hands back then.”

“I’m afraid they’ve perished. Marbled to death. Investigations still ongoing, my money’s on the picture frame.”

“Well, then they kinda had it coming, don’t you think?”

You gasped at this. “Vengeance is never the answer, haven’t you watched any children’s cartoons?”

“Not a child, so no.” He answered dryly. He had been a child at some point, so you weren’t sure what to make of the answer, feeling a bit at a loss, but you powered through.

“Mx. Marble hands deserved better than this. I’d hate to be them right now.”

“I’d hate to be them anytime. Now, please shut up about it and come sit down.”

“Despite how politely you asked, I can’t. Believe it or not – some of us actually have plans.” You said with a joking “hmpf”.

“Whaat, plans? No way.”

“Wha- what’s with the immediate disbelief? Today is an important day. Today’s… It’s…” You furrowed your brow as you faltered, not noticing the way James’ attention sharply focused on you. “…Today is important, isn’t it?”

But why? What was happening today?

“Oh, probably some kind of fight day or independence day? You were always sappy for those.” James laughed, and your expression relaxed as you rolled your eyes at him.

“It’s important to celebrate that kind of stuff.” You laughed, even though it still felt wrong. Feeling restless once more but without knowing what your plans were, you settled on the sofa next to James who abandoned his magazine in an attempt to convince you to play Street Fighter together, though at your continued rejection, he dejectedly played solo, shifting, and settling up against you as he played quietly.

Relishing the comfortable familiarity and domestic bliss, you closed your eyes with a sigh, enjoying the ache of your tired limbs coming to a rest, and most of all, enjoying the quiet. You liked it much better when he didn’t speak. And then, you felt startled at the thought, how mean it felt. You didn’t like the fact you had thought it at all, so you focused on something else.

You glanced at the sole item on the empty wall: The calendar. It was tacky and ugly, but you had some fondness for it, it was the first item you bought when you moved out to live on your own.

No, you didn’t live alone, you lived with James. Right, the first item for when you and James moved out.

You kept glancing though the date felt significant, it didn’t invoke memories of why, and you felt an odd sense of distanced anxiety at this, worried if you were possibly late for whatever your plans was, yet not feeling anywhere enough panic either, settled into lukewarm worry instead.

“You trying to make time fly faster or something?” James asked, not looking away from the video game he was playing (and losing). You looked away from the calendar at that.

“Maybe it’s just that painful to see you repeatedly lose Street Fighter. You know, you can crouch and kick on repeat, right?”

“I have something called integrity and honor.”

You glanced one last time at the calendar, the date keeping captive the corners of your mind, the ones that felt fuzzy and blurry – just out of reach from what you could comprehend. As you finally gave up on the calendar, you noticed the wall.

Had it always been this empty?

Somehow, the sight made you feel uneasy. “Hey James, why don’t we take some pictures?”

“…I really don’t like that kinda stuff. I’ve never understood the craze about phones and cameras.”

“Oh, I get why you’re bad at games now. You’re actually an old man.”

“Aw, shut up.”

You didn’t take notice of the way James looked at you, your own gaze fixed on nothing at all, an ambiguous expression on your face, as if unable to settle on an emotion among your conflicted, confused state. It was a buzzing, prickling sensation, like when regaining feeling in a numb limb, and it felt like you could unearth what these emotions were, if you just, held on a moment longer, if you let the numbness subsize just a little m-

“How about playing a song on the piano?”

“Oh? Uh, I don’t play the piano.” You said, disorientated, the numbness spreading again. James’ face dropped briefly.

“Then why don’t we watch a movie?”

“Yeah. Of course, sure. Can it be Beauty Squad” You answered almost reflexively. Happy for a distraction, you clung onto the suggestion, as if drowning your own senses in familiarity. James’ resigned compliance to your usual movie-choice felt like a warm blanket, a blissful cover.

The fatigue sitting in your bones made you give in to its warm embrace, how long had you been awake? It was hard to tell when being conscious and unconscious all felt the same.

Familiar tones played out, familiar lines, familiar antics. You thought James wouldn’t like you to rest your head in his lap, but he hadn’t said a thing in protest, silently letting you. Only the sounds of the movie filled the room as James absent-mindedly played with strands of your hair.

If this moment could last forever, then maybe everything would be okay. You could close your eyes to this moment and…

The music became chaotic and fast as the main character crashed down into their own graduation ceremony, saying a corny punchline before the cartoonish chase resumed.

“Pfft,” Your laugh caught James’ attention, and of course, he demanded to know what you were laughing at. “Ah, nothing, nothing. It’s just, this scene is just like when you accidentally interrupted your own graduation ceremony to take pictures.”

“…” James didn’t respond for a moment. And you looked at him… Right, he was in high school right now, wasn’t he?

“It’s… It’s nothing.”

You tried not to look at the empty wall.

You stood up. “Hey, the movie’s still going, sit back down.”

It took you a moment to respond, your mouth felt so dry, and a wave of dizziness hit. “I… I just wanted a snack. I’ll be back in a moment.” James looked blankly at you for a moment, and for a moment it felt as if he was examining you, like standing before a judge, and then he nodded.

You walked, part of you protesting needing permission from him to leave, but your mind wasn’t made up either, stuck in the desire to stay but feeling drowned, as if being swallowed by a vastness. You had to leave. To move. Something. Anything.

Drowning in the dark thoughts of your mind, it felt as if it would burst. Part of you wanted it to, tempted to hit your hands against your temple, as if to make everything spill, splash across the floor and far away from you.

Instead, you walked to the kitchen. One step, then the next. You wondered, in these moments, if he knew how it felt to die while breathing, to drown while on land. One step, then the next. It was all you could do.

In the kitchen, you opened the fridge only to be greeted by empty rows. No one had gone grocery-shopping it seemed. Right, that was your job, wasn’t it? Who else could it be? James was… he was a teen, right. Yeah, that’s right, you were alone.

No. Not alone. James was here, just, you were the only adult here. That’s right.

…

Grocery shopping, right. How long had it been since you went grocery shopping? When had you last gone outside? You looked down at yourself. You were dressed nicely. Right. Today was an important day, wasn’t it?

You felt lost and dizzy, seeking something to support yourself, your hand landed on the wall. The empty wall. Why was this wall also so empty? All of them was empty.

You mistook desperation for determination as you began to look through drawers to find an instant camera. You knew James had one lying around here. Your James had so many cameras.

“But James doesn’t like cameras.” You repeated joylessly. Nonetheless, in your hands, an instant camera. On clumsy feet you began to sneak toward the living room. James, unaware of your presence, sat on the sofa, waiting.

Click.

Looking down at the picture. It hadn’t developed yet. You’d find tacks or something so you could hang it. The sofa creaked as James stood up. He had heard the click probably, and noticed you standing awkwardly in the doorway, clutching something to your chest, of course.

You think, in the back of your mind, that James said something, but you head felt light, as you looked at empty walls. Temporarily empty walls. It would be better now, if you could just fill them out, your life could return to normalcy, and you’d return to the ground.

You looked down at the photo in your hand. Shapes were slowly starting to form, making way for imagery. It was only a flash, barked, hollowed skin, wrongly bent joints, and a yellowly glow, then something grabbed tightly onto your wrist, the photo snatched from your hand before it finished developing.

It was James grasping your wrist tightly, pupils dilated and a tight expression on his face. Then he sighed. “Playing spy, are we?” He smiled but the smile felt sharp and tight, and his laugh felt forced and bitter.

“I… I think I need to lie down.”

“Alright.” He nodded, leading you toward the sofa, but you weakly pulled against his grip, shaking your head.

“In my bed.” You needed to get away, his presence felt cloying, and the empty walls felt as if they closed in on you. You needed a moment. He didn’t stop tugging you toward the sofa, your limbs felt too weak to put up any real resistance.

“Don’t be silly. I can watch over you better from the sofa.”

You pulled harshly at his grip. “No!” He stopped and looked at you for a moment. And you felt little under his glance, unable to explain yourself properly. He was trying to help, but it was wrong, something was wrong. The walls was empty, the fridge was empty, the apartment was… “I… Just a moment, I’ll be out in a moment.”

After a moment, he released your wrist. “Okay.”

You stumbled a bit, having unconsciously relied on the support of his grip. It was the same old sensation of falling, yet your feet never left the ground, was it a dive into nothingness, or a flight into something worse? You never learned because each time, like an anchor, you’d be pulled to the harshness of the ground by a hand on your shoulder and another distracting line, it pulled you back but never caught you in your fall.

You wondered where’d you land without an anchor.

You hurried to your room and was greeted with shattered glass. Right. From earlier, you had needed a broom, and you had to hurry because today was an important day. Your foot touched the broken frame.

The empty walls were left behind, but the room felt even smaller, and you felt tired. Too tired to push against the pressure building, letting it swallow and choke you. There had to be… a picture. Something to put in the frame. Why else would you have it?

Looking through bottom drawers and beneath your bed, it was hard to tell if you had dived onto your knee or if they had simply buckled beneath the weight of your own desperation, glass shards dug into skin as you looked through cloudy eyes.

And, in the corner under your bed, hidden away by pieces of cloth and scattered objects, was a little box. You pulled it out, your hands shook as you opened the little lock with practiced ease, as if you knew the box already.

In the box was carefully placed pictures, all wrinkled as if having been held often. On the roof of the box was a date scribbled, today’s date. You were in many of the pictures, sticking your tongue out at whoever was taking it. And some of them, there was another person, usually laughing together with you.

For a moment, you almost wanted to ask; Who’s that?

Something within you felt like it was going to burst. “James?”

This guy whose smile was entirely different, whose eyes were different, whose build was different – who was different. This was James, and for a moment, you had forgotten. Someone you loved and held so dear; you had forgotten until reminded.

Each time you looked away, it grew hazy once more, and it took just a second longer to recognize the picture again. It felt as if you’d break beneath it all.

“Oh, you want me to pause the movie?” James’ voice called out from the other room. No. Not James. Whoever that stranger was, it wasn’t James, they didn’t even bear a semblance. You wanted to scream and cry and ask, no, demand answers from this imposter.

“Hello, you hear me?” His head peeked through the door-opening, and every word died on your tongue as familiarity enveloped you. It wasn’t… It was not James. Your grip tightened on the picture, as if to remind yourself.

 “Hey,” he said, a concerned look. “Are you okay?”

You didn’t respond, didn’t know how to. But perhaps you didn’t need to as he saw the scattered photos among bloody glass shards. “Come out, I’ll bandage your wounds.” Was all he said.

“You’re not him. You’re not my brother.” It felt like pushing a boulder just to say that. The words felt foreign in your mouth, but you held onto the truth the best you could.

“What’s different about me?” he asked. You hadn’t been prepared for that question. Retaliation, denial, anything but that question.

“It’s… Different. You…”

He laughed. “You really do need to lie down; you must be half-asleep or something.”

No. For the first time today, you felt awake. “No. I know I’m right. You’re not…” You all-but flung the picture of your brother at him. The picture now in view, the person in front of you grew unfamiliar again.

“Does it really matter? If you need a picture to notice we’re different?” Before you had a chance to even respond, he leaned closer, grabbing your chin and forcing you to look away from the scattered photos. “Try it. Describe him.”

…You couldn’t.

“But when you look at me, you remember. Who cares if the memories are right?”

There was a temptation of giving into the sweetness that clung onto his words, the sweet lie feeling more welcome than a truth you feared facing. But you could still feel the photos beneath your fingers, feel the sting of the shards in your skin.

“I care!” Your voice raised and cracked, sharp and jagged like the shards.

Frustration slipped into his sigh. “For now. But as always, you’ll forget again. There’s no point in this tantrum. You don’t want to remember anyway, you’re too fragile for loss, so just-“

His words were interrupted as you nicked his cheek with one of the glass shards. At this he stepped back, releasing your chin. His expression’s thinly veiled exhaustion and annoyance gave way for clear resentment and frustration.

When he spoke, his voice was bitter and low, an almost malicious edge to it.

“Do you even comprehend how much I hold back not to kill you? Every moment, it’s as if your very being beckons me to consume it, that’s why I showed up to begin with. To feed. But I decided to stay, unlike everyone else, I’m staying, I’m here!

Anything you lack, anything you miss – I’ll be that. Your brother, your friends, your old stuffed animals, your childhood, yours. I’m yours. Why don’t you und-“He stopped his increasingly fast rant, sighing in tired frustration. “It doesn’t matter. In the end, it’ll be the same as always. You stay. You always stay with me, just like I always stay with you.”

Your breath was caught in your throat. But… Even though you didn’t remember, you remembered the feeling of flying so high and swimming so far, now you were stuck at the bottom of the ocean, unable to lift from the ground as you drowned, and you longed to remember the feeling of not hurting, in the face of that, fear meant nothing.

“You can’t become my brother; you can’t become anything.”

“I can. I do.” He insisted. He kneeled next to you, reaching out to you as if to comfort you, as you flinched, he let his hand fall again, and part of you wished he hadn’t, longing for the warmth. “Hidden wounds don’t need to heal. And someday, I’ll replace even the blood gushing from those very wounds.”

Nothing about his words was a comfort, somehow it felt as if he was comforting himself with them. You wanted to explode in anger, continue an assault, use glass shards or words, but anger was flames and passion and action and – and you were just too tired.

“Do you hate me this much, to torture me like this?”

“Not hate.” At this, he breached the invisible barrier, letting his hand cup your cheek. “Every time you remember a little less, question a little less, and I hide a little less. Bit by bit. One day you’ll look at my true body, hear my true voice, and think nothing of it. All you’ll see is your brother. And you’ll be right, your brother, me, not him. Not some wasted grief. I’ll make you happy.”

“This doesn’t feel like happy.” All you could manage was a broken whisper. “Why?”

He was silent for a moment before speaking,

“I’ve fed on countless people. I exist only in the scope of broken dreams and wasted chances. Regrets is the proof of life, and so I remove those regrets, and with that, their very lives, and humanity slowly corrodes. And I – I cannot even have that. That one, painful semblance of life, and yet I continue to live.”

His voice was an odd mix of gleeful and resentful. You thought, somewhere in the back of your mind, that maybe he was happy to just bare himself at all, another part of you wished he didn’t, as he grew more distant from what you knew with each word, but you didn’t believe this speech really was for you, it was for himself.

“Reasons, what reasons did I have for living or dying. I was devoid of it all yet forced to play part of it all the same, in make-believe fantasies. And even so, it was never for me to comfort or be comforted, never for me to share a meal, never for me to hold a hand, never for me to hear the sound of someone playing the piano for me, never for me to fight and make up with someone, never for me.

In this world I lacked even ones to hate. And yet, all I could do was hate. Stuck in the dirt, all I could do was look up into heaven, cursing every leaf picked by the wind, every bird that could fly, everything that could move where I could not. Love where I could not. I was in hell but forced to act out heaven.

Every time it’d be a new face, a new regret, a new deception. Never me. Always something there isn’t there. But you… You saw, you knew – for a moment, you knew. And yet, you stayed. You didn’t fight, didn’t run. You closed your eyes to it, and clung to my delusions, clung to me.”

“And yet, here you are, pretending to be my brother.” At this, the corners of his lips quirked down, his figure looming as it seemed to grow, crooked and spiny. You thought maybe this was just a little closer to his true form.

“One day, you’ll forget why you clung to me. And then you’ll cling to me all over again. I know it, you are my one thing, my one person, the one thing for me. You infuriate me, you bring me joy, regrets, hopes, all of it – I can obtain it with you, through you, if I just hold on long enough.

Even if my body decays under the weight of hunger, I’ll stay for you without fail.”

”But I want you to leave.” The words sounded fake and hollow, even in your ears.

At this, he laughed. “Leave? And then what, you’ll be left in this empty apartment? Staring at pictures, rewatching old home movies? You don’t really want that.”

“Shut up, you don’t know what I want. You don’t-“ your words were like sand in your throat, forcing it to close until nothing could come out but broken sobs. He took the silence as cue to move closer, wrapping his arms around you – you hated the comfort of this stranger but felt unable to push away its familiarity, clinging desperately unto it.

“I can leave. Simply say the words and you’ll be rid of me.” He said with such ease because he knew you couldn’t do it. In the end, the only thing crueler than this torture was its absence.

[miraculous-rewrite]

Miraculous World - Shanghai

Now you may note, this one's a little different than usual, it's less of a pilot special and more of a 'episode Zero'

a preview of what's to come

We open on an aether, a magic type void. 

There are gentle sparks of light, not quite stars, pink in color. And the gentle, sweet trilling voice of a Kwami drifts through the aether. 

“Do you know that feeling, when you’ve only just awoken? When you haven’t opened your eyes yet and the world around you is soft? When you know you could just roll over and curl up deeper into your bed and fall right back asleep? That feeling that doesn’t feel like it truly has a name? That blend of comfort and serenity and sleep and contentment?”

Those pink sparks coalesced together until they were in the rough approximation of a Kwami, one with big ears and wings. “That’s me with you as you drift between sleeping and wake. I am called Tranqii in this era. I am the embodiment of sleep.”

Tranqii in this light approximation remains curled up and clearly at peace. “I knew there were others like me-” there are all around Tranqii explosions of sparks in different colors, red and green and blue and purple and yellow and a million more, one for every Kwami we’ve ever seen and then more. None of them seemed to disturb Tranqii in their slumber. “I knew they were all having fun, living their lives in the physical. Enjoying being awake. But I'd never really felt the urge to join them.”

But then there’s a flicker, purple sparks turning into a deep violet and a similar experience happening to blue sparks. And Tranqii opens their eyes when light brown sparks erupt in front of their face 

The scene then rapidly shifts to a room we saw only very briefly in the Shanghai special oh so long ago, a young chinese woman with her hair in a ponytail is huffing and fussing over a wristband she was trying to make JUST right. And over her shoulder is a Korean woman with a round face. A-Fei and Yun Eun-Ji look over the work that A-Fei had settled on, A-Fei leans over to consult the large tome of Miraculous that was resting nearby once again, and tranqii’s voice came out dubbed over the scene.

 “But then, even the soundest sleepers are awoken when they are truly needed.”

Cue Intro, rather than the more simple miraculous world theme we’re instead greeted by an edgier ‘Batman beyond’ vibe type intro, of Yun Eun-Ji, A-Fei, and Sun Min standing against unrelenting odds, notable faces of the old order we actually know are seen, Wu Lian is seen with the scorpion Medallion along her neck, and Zhao Kai is spotted, much more serious than we used to see him, and running along with them is a familiar face of a certain New Old Order Member that got away. But the intro ends on the three young heroes standing atop the temple they hold down’s roof, gazing out at Shanghai, which they seem to be at the outskirts of, able to see the city but not fully interact with it. 

But that’s just the intro, when we fully return back to the story we return to A-Fei talking with her parents, a conspicuous bracelet cuff around her wrist. 

“-I just think it would be good for me to spend some time away from home.” She reasoned, but her mother sighs and pinches the bridge of her nose. “Sweetheart, you’re always proposing these things and never following through! I just worry we’re going to force some poor monks to escort you back home because you lost your nerve studying under them ‘for practical college credit’” She sighed and folded her arms, leaning against the counter she’d been chopping vegetables on. 

“Frankly, it sounds more like you’re doing this so you can avoid helping me out at dinner.” A Fei sighed, from where she was currently sat peeling carrots, her mother continued to look skeptical. 

“I’m… I'm not doing it alone, mother. I’m going to have other students there with me.”

“And Who might those students be?”

“Well there’s this Korean Girl, her names’ Yun Eun-Ji, and there’s Sun Min he’s-”

“A boy?” Her mother turned sharply to her and A-Fei groans. “And What, I’m guessing you’ll all be in the same room too? And not to question it?”

“Mother, I won't be trying to SLEEP with him!” A-Fei shrilled, scandalized. But her mother scoffs, unaffected by her denial.

“What about him? And this Korean girl as well? Even if he’s not after you, you’re MUCH too young to be finding a sock laying next to your door.” “Oh Heavens above…” A-Fei sighs, letting her carrot fall into the pile of skins for a moment before reaching back in to retrieve it. “Mother, if you can’t trust me on my own then why are you letting me go to college at all?” That gives her mother pause, and A-Fei takes the opportunity. 

“Look, give me just this weekend, just this weekend to test things out, and we’ll see what happens. If you think I'll flake you’ll be able to tell by Monday. And if I won’t then…?”

Her mother thinks for a moment, and sighs. 

“Fine. the weekend. But you’d better actually DO the work they tell you do. Listen to the lessons they teach. And 我的女孩?” She reaches over to gently cup A-fei’s cheek-

Before pulling her hand into a playful pinch to it. “Your mother will KNOW if you try to cheat your way out of doing any work, Lazy girl.” A-Fei whines and squirms out of her mother’s grasp, their relationship is a little strained, but still loving it would seem. 

We follow A-Fei for a little longer, she finishes setting up lunch with her mother, some really tasty looking bowls of noodles (insert anime food joke here) and the family table is lively as everyone chatters about the goings on of the world. Cousin Xiuying went to Japan recently. And she didn’t stop over on a plane layover to say hi? The comings and goings of average family life, and other such trivial but hearty things. Until they’re finished and one of A-Fei’s friends we saw briefly back in the Shanghai special rolls up. And She’s just barely able to get out of doing the dishes since She’d helped cook, saddling her Dad with them instead as she gets to roll off. Her mother shouting behind her that she’d better be back before dinner and she’s able to ride off on the back of one of her friends’ bike. From here we see a bit more of the life of A-Fei, how her friends aren’t any particular niche, they hang out at the arcade and the skate park with equal ease. One boy, now dubbed as Yuan Zhong, is a part time lion dancer for parades and such, and hates it since he’s always the butt of the lion. Another (known to be Liang Jiao) delivers pharmaceuticals for his family’s home remedies business, and the third (Xie Kang) is unemployed, and the designated rich boy of the group (despite being barely upper middle class) as he buys bubble tea for everyone. The boys comment that it’s been awhile since she’s hung out with them, she’s been ‘so preoccupied’ with her ‘project’

A-Fei brushes it off, but then Yuan leans in and asks if it has anything to do with that cute girl she’s been hanging around lately. Xie adding on that the boy was cuter, and maybe she could hook them up? A-Fei rolls her eyes and insults the lot of them for being gross.

“They’re just people I'm working on the same project with, you bunch of freaks…”

“Lot of effort to put into project partners-” Liang Jiao brings up, pulling out his phone and idly tapping on it. “Didn’t you guys go out of town for something last year? That’s what we were covering for you for, right?”

“Hey yeah it’s been like a year hasn’t it?!” Yuan brings up, scandalized. “And we still haven’t officially MET them?! FeiFei this is OUTRAGEOUS.”

“You guys wouldn’t even LIKE each other! Sun Min is Soooo boring! And Yun Eun-ji’s a jerk anyway!” She scoffed. And the boys all look unimpressed at her. 

“Sounds like something someone who doesn’t want us to know about her extremely cool friends would say.” Xie huffs and looks away in upset. 

A-Fei sighs, but just as she does so her phone chimes, she looks down at it and lets out a surprised ’eep!’ “Sorry guys, I think I have to go!” “Yeah yeah, back to that ‘project’ we’re not even allowed to know what it is.”

“I Signed an NDA Yuan!” Yuan is unmoved.

But A-Fei sighs and looks around for a moment. “Fine- I’ll… I’ll see if I can arrange something for all of us to do so you can meet them okay?”

The three boys all look between each other before as one, nodding. And A-fei sighs. “Alright. Thanks.”

But just like that she turned and ran off. 

“Oh she’s definitely ‘with’ one of them.”

“No doubt, no doubt.”

But we clip back to A-Fei quickly, the girl ducking into an alley and opening her jacket to reveal for the first time, Tranqii. Asleep in a pocket in the inside of her jacket and snoring blissfully. 

“Tranqii, it’s time to wake up.”

“Mmmm no.” the Kwami grunted, turning over in the pocket so they weren’t facing her. A-Fei sighs and pulls from her bag a pouch happily labeled ‘health friendly roasted crickets’

She shook them around a little and Tranqii turns, squinted big black eyes at the bag of crickets, then back at her. “I’m starting to think you might play dirty…” the little bat huffed, and A-Fei laughed.

“Tranqii, Transform me!”

We watch A-Fei dart across the rooftops of Shanghai, a little clumsier than expected, but in her defense, she’s very new at this. Every so often she hits a fire escape and has to scramble up to avoid falling down the side of the building, people inside nearly seeing her before she darts out of the way. 

She’s very much keeping her presence a secret, not just her identity. And for a time all it seems she’s doing is simply enjoying the world around her. She seems to be delighting in it. Eventually she stops at a random rooftop, sighing and leaning back in position slightly. Here we get the best look at her current uniform, it’s not very different at all compared to the one we saw when she made her first appearance, just a few small details being changed, such as the pink accent color being in some different places but otherwise unchanged. The least interesting take of anyone so far. 

But as she’s simply enjoying the scenery, one of the fake bat ears on her head twitches, and sure enough as seen from behind her a shadowy figure is seen crouching low in the shade of the roof entrance. A-Fei doesn’t seem to notice at first, the figure creeps closer and closer, dropping low as if to pounce

Without warning we cut to the figure’s POV, slowly creeping closer and closer, trying very hard to not make a sound, when an orange glove seems about to reach out to grab her and-

“Don’t even try it.” she turns her head and makes eye contact, where we switch back to 3rd person camera. 

Sun Min stumbles back in surprise, but laughs, he’s transformed much like her, but his costume is much different than we saw him last, much more black than before, as if he were trying to create a sort of ‘stealth mode’ with his look. 

“You’re a real pain in my neck aren’t you Mister Lion?”

Sun Min laughed and plopped down beside her. “You know we have like ‘hero names’ right?”

“You do in Paris, but what’s the point in having them here? NORMAL criminals don’t know who we even are, why should we be concerned about those ‘Old Order’ clowns?” “Because you just fought in a war with them like a year ago and you nearly died several times?” Sun Min laughed as if it was all a joke, A-Fei didn’t laugh back, she just looked perturbed. She huffed and puffed and Sun Min sighed. “Look… Yun Eun-Ji and I only like, JUST finished making sure there weren’t any more magical booby traps on the old temple, but now that they’ve taken some time to lay low this is the EXACT sort of time where my old masters would try to pull something. Because they know we won’t expect it. Or if we do then we won’t think they’ll do it NOW.” He sighed.

“And that’s why we’re moving my training up?”

“And that’s why we’re moving your training up.”

She sighed and leaned forward a bit, bracing her chin on her arm, and arm on her knee. “And I don’t suppose that you have anything in your spellbooks that can make my family and friends STOP asking questions because people are starting to grow sick of me hiding things and flaking out at everything, my mother almost didn’t let me sign off on this at all because she thinks I drop things willy-nilly now…!”

Sun Min sighed. “I’ll… I’ll talk to her.” But A-Fei turned back to him, expression suddenly grave. “What?”

“But don’t like- I was being facetious, don’t actually do anything to my mom’s brain.” Sun Min laughed and was clearly more at ease than before. 

“I won’t do any magic that will mess with your mothers faculties or subvert her free will. Okay?”

A-Fei sighs. “Okay.” But like that, they were both standing, stretching, and she took out her bolos, and he took out his knuckle dusters and they began training. 

What follows is a simple sort of sparring scene where Sin Min clearly has A-Fei outpaced and outclassed, but they’re both clearly still having fun, laughing and lightly shoving and all that good stuff. 

As they’re both training and enjoying themselves, there’s another set of eyes on the two of them. But these ones remain in the shadows until-

A teal ninetails whips out and catches Sun Min’s leg, tripping him up at the exact right time for A-Fei to land a blow to the solar plexus.

“Always expect the unexpected!” A cheerful voice responds, and a-Fei turns and grins when she spots the girl. 

“Yun Eun-Ji!” She chirped darting over and giving the girl a hug. “I was worried I'd have to wait a WHOLE nother week to see you!”

“Such a tragedy!” The octopus wielder laughed as She let go of her ninetails and let the lion wielder struggle in it for a little longer. “So what did your mother say about staying at the temple with us?”

“She said she’d give it the weekend and see if I'm full of shit or not.” Yun Eun-Ji narrowed her eyes at her, oddly serious for a moment. 

“Are you?”

A-Fei looks shocked for a moment, before laughing and pushing her arm. Yun Eun ji Laughs too and the tension is broken. 

“You’re such a jerk!”

“So are you!” They simply shove each other back and forth a few more times before Sun Min pops his head back up and rolls his eyes very dramatically.

 “Come on ladies, let's not make a scene in front of the lion. A-Fei did you want to see what we’ve been up to in the temple or what?”

A-Fei looks over, surprised, and sure enough one rooftop race later they’ve arrived far out of town, to the more grassy surroundings. 

The kids have all detransformed, and roll up on a motorcycle driven by Sun Min, the other two girls piled onto the back, and they roll up to an otherwise perfectly normal looking buddhist temple, albeit one that looked like it had been abandoned for some time. 

And as we pull up on the kids they continue a conversation. “Well the ACTUAL buddhists left ages ago once a big enough city had popped up right next to their damn temple, So for centuries it was exclusively an Order of Miracles Temple putting on the facade of Buddhism.” He takes off his helmet and is notably the only one wearing one, parking his bike and hanging his helmet on the handlebars. 

“And as we know other than the ‘not getting involved with the world around us’ part there wasn’t actually much in common between the two.” 

“Yeah the edifice complex of ‘we’re better than these whimps that didn’t do this’ thing runs DEEP.” Yun Eun-ji adds on. “‘S part of why they stayed in Shanghai, literally JUST so it could be more of a practice to look down on people than they were before.”

“Or at least that’s how Yun Eun-Ji interpreted the stories.”

“And I was RIGHT”

“Being right about our teachers being screwball crazy and being right about every elder in the order ever being sociopathic god complex loonies are two very different things.”

But Sun Min throws open the doors, and, well… the place looks like an abandoned buddhist temple. 

Except for when Sun Min leans over on the inside of the gate and presses a sigil of the old order on the wall. Wherein the magic of the place LIGHTS the whole temple up, It’s a beautiful display of color and light as they dance about the realm before them. A-Fei gasps.

“No way… this is AMAZING!”

“Less amazing when it’s five am and the sun hasn’t risen yet and that's the only reason the lanterns are on…” Sun Min comments and Yun Eun-Ji elbows him in the gut. 

A-Fei looks nervous then. “We’re not… actually gonna wake up at five…?”

“Of course not, that was sleep deprivation to rob us of our common sense. We’ll start at Six.”

A-Fei looks at the two of them, unsure if she should be relieved or not.

For a time we see a bit more training, Yun Eun-Ji and Sun Min really putting A-Fei through the paces, transformed for a while, and then A-Fei’s transformation drops with Tranqii yawning and saying they’re tired. They crunch down happily on their crickets as they watch A-Fei get her butt kicked.

We hear their voiceover once more.

“It’s an odd thing, living in the physical. There are many good things, like crickets. But bad things, like being tired. But…” 

A-Fei looked back at them for a moment and smiled, waving, before getting a boot to the face. “It’s good, I think.”

But as we begin to pan out, we see shadows in the background, hiding in the trees, and in the passing of a leaf across the screen, they’re gone. 

“I think my time in the physical world will be a very interesting one indeed.”

Fin

[thisisarcanereverie]

Change of Plans (DARK! Moon Knight x Reader) Knight and Pawn series

A/N: HEY! So this was like, over 5k words. So I did end up changing it a little, not by a lot, the overall ending is the same it's just a small detail. I might release the original chapter if I get enough requests for it but as of right now I don't feel comfortable with telling that version quite yet.

CHAPTER WARNINGS: MINORS DNI, VIOLENCE, MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH, BETRAYAL, BAD VIBES MY DUDES BAD VIBES!

“Layla?” 

“Shut up and hop on.” 

You immediately do as you’re told, putting the helmet on in the process. Once you're situated on the bike you hear Layla mumble something before revving up the bike and zipping out of the parking lot at lightning speed. Your arms frantically wrap themselves around her, as you prayed to whatever god that Layla’s suicidal driving doesn’t kill you, or maybe you hope it does as you’re reminded of your…previous activities. 

You push down the nauseating guilt for later as you hope she doesn’t smell him on you. 

Lights pass by in a blur, the roar of the engine and the honking of cars make any attempt of conversation futile as it would be drowned out by noise. 

In between praying for life or death, and suppressing the urge to throw up, you focus on the woman driving the motorcycle. You haven’t seen her in three or four years. You don’t know for sure how long since Marc abducted you, but it felt like years. 

“It shouldn’t be far now!” Layla shouted. 

“What shouldn’t be far?!”

“I’ll explain it when we get there!” 

Sure enough, after a few more sharp turns and taking some…interesting routes, Layla cuts the engine and motions you to let go and to get off. You’re in the middle of an ally on the edge of London. 

“We have to go on foot the rest of the way,” Layla says as she takes off her helmet, “it’s not far, just a block away.” you noticed immediately that she cut her hair, her dark ringlets fell an inch above her shoulders and she held herself differently, her stance was guarded and the look in her eyes were harder than you remember. Courtesy of Marc you assumed. You start to walk beside her, and the chill settles in. The damp London air cuts its way to your bones, you rub your hands over your arms, hoping the friction will help warm you. 

“So where exactly are we going?” You ask tentatively. 

“We’re going to a safe house Jake helped me set up, we’re going to be there for a few weeks before boarding the next train out of London and to the furthest countryside possible, from there we go to the nearest airport and get on the plane furthest away from London. From there we will be traveling from town to town, city to city, state to state, until either Marc gives up, or Khonshu abandons him for another avatar, which I don’t see happening anytime soon.” 

“So what,” You say, “I’m just supposed to run and hide?”

“Yes,” Layla says, turning to face you, her dark eyes intense, “yes that’s exactly what you’re supposed to do.” You both walk a few more feet before Layla turns. You notice she turns to open a door to a building, years of graffiti decorated the stone as well as the overgrowth of dead ivy and various other plants. Honestly, if Layla would’ve kept walking, you wouldn’t have noticed it was ever here. Which you supposed was perfect considering you were trying to hide. 

Layla turned the knob and motioned you to get inside before her, the first thing you noticed was some of the floorboards creaked, but that was normal considering how old the building must have been. The wall was covered in old wallpaper, it was fraying at the ends and yellowed by time. There was a pull out couch with a tv, a kitchenette, one bathroom and one bedroom. It was very different from your previous accommodations. 

And for that you were grateful. 

You jumped at the sudden sound of deadbolts locking, the noise catches you off guard. You turn to the brunette as she is finishing locking the last deadbolt. 

“I already stocked the kitchen up, so our rations should be good. We don’t have cable so I hope you don’t mind our very limited selection of dvd’s, the bathroom is right over there, and I would change my clothes if I were you, because the next few weeks are going to be very difficult if you get sick with pneumonia or something.  I got a few clothes for you in the bedroom,” Layla points to the bedroom door, “I’ve got the pull out couch, in case our plan fails and Marc finds you. I can distract him while you make an escape.” You were about to speak up when Layla cut you off, “I promise we’ll talk…after you get out of those wet clothes and into something warmer.”

You quickly went to the bedroom, it was small, a single twin sized bed and a dresser were in there. You went through the drawer and picked out a sweatshirt and sweatpants. You stripped yourself of your wet clothing when a dull pain could be felt in between your legs. You shake as you’re reminded of what your freedom cost you. 

The swirling pit in your stomach made you feel nauseated beyond believe, you couldn’t believe you did that. That you slept with Marc fucking Spector, and enjoyed it. 

You would’ve felt better if it had just been sex, if he was a two pump chump and fell asleep right after. 

But no. 

You ran your fingers through his hair, you came multiple times, you begged for more, you kissed his forehead and listened to his heartbeat.  

If Marc wasn’t going to kill you, the guilt was. 

Your mind wandered to the curly haired woman in the living room you once thought of as your best friend. Layla had already risked so much just by being here, and you slept with her ex husband. 

You were despicable. 

You suddenly felt the need to claw at your own skin, to rub it until it was red and raw, you wanted to throw up all your memories and drown. 

You felt like you were drowning. 

You tried to even your breathing, just now noticing you were hyperventilating and you sunk yourself onto the floor. You closed your eyes and willed yourself to even your breathing. 

In……and out

In…….and out 

In……..and out. 

Once your chest stopped heaving and you felt your heart beat slow, with shaking arms and legs you picked yourself up and dressed yourself. The soft material of the sweatshirt brought comfort to you. 

You walked out of the bedroom door to find Layla sitting on the couch, waiting. You took another breath to quiet your already shot nerves, and went to sit next to her. 

Silence passed by you two, for what seemed to be forever, until Layla spoke up. 

“Just so you know,” Layla started, “I don’t care about what you had to do to get away from him tonight.”

Your head whipped right to her, your mouth open, ready to plead and beg for forgiveness and ask how she could’ve known when she stopped you. 

“I don’t know what happened tonight,” Layla said holding your hand, “I could probably guess if I wanted to but I don’t.” Her hand squeezed yours, “I don’t want to know, maybe one day we’ll be able to talk about it but right now I just can’t if that’s ok with you?”

“Of course,” You say immediately, returning the squeeze to her hand, another moment of silence before Layla breaks it. 

“I was angry at you,” Layla starts, “You were my best friend and suddenly you were gone. No note. When I came back that day, all of your clothes were gone and Marc was huddled on the ground holding onto your broken picture frame for dear life.” She lets out a cynical laugh, “When I found out what he did I was pissed. I yelled at him, blamed him. But nothing I did phased him. He didn’t sleep for months, he just kept looking, he even hired a PI to track you. I guess it was the fifth time I caught him up all night, glued to his phone looking for you, when I knew he loved you. He loved you in a way he could never love me, and that pissed me off. He was my husband and yet I couldn’t help but feel like the other woman…I wanted to blame you,” She looked up as tears pricked the corners of her eyes, “I kept telling myself that if it wasn’t for you Marc would love me more, that you left me without telling me anything because you were guilty, I did a lot of things. But when I left Marc and lived for myself a while, I came to accept it wasn’t your fault.” Layla looked at you, “you were the one who took most of the brunt on our missions, you took literal bullet shots for me, you protected me until you couldn’t. You loved me, and I loved you. You leaving was because you needed to put yourself first, and I respect that. I realized you probably didn’t have time to write me a note telling me goodbye or maybe because you weren’t sure what to say without lying.” Layla laughed as a single tear rolled down her cheek, “Let me tell you it wasn’t easy to accept or understand any of that. But I still tried to be mad at you, if not because of my own pride, then I heard about Marc abducting you and instantly that anger vanished, you were in danger and for once I needed to help you. To save you.”

“Do you know how long it’s been since Marc abducted you?” You shake your head, you could have an estimated guess, but you don’t know for certain. 

“He abducted you a year and a half ago,” Layla said, “your friends at SWORD looked for you, but Marc hid you well and Steven paid off higher SWORD people to…overlook your disappearance.” 

You weren’t shocked, you knew Steven had a lot of money now, and money talked, and bargained, and made things happen and disappear. 

“Jake only told me things I needed to know,” Layla said, “like Marc abducting you and where to pick you up and take you.” her eyes were softer now as she looked at you, “but I don’t know anything of what happened before. Where you’ve been for the last three years or what you were up to, and I don’t mean to be nosey but the only thing I know was that you worked for SWORD and that’s it…I was kind of hoping you would fill me in, tell me what your life was like before all this shit.” 

You took a sharp breath in, you wanted to tell her, you just didn’t know where to start. 

So maybe you would just start at the beginning. 

“After I left Marc’s I sort of just moved around a lot, staying in motels or hotels or air bnb a place if I felt like splurging or hell even camped. I didn’t stay in one place for too long and I was taking some odd jobs here and there, using mostly cash only, trying to limit my paper trail in case he looked for me.” you willed the tears to stop, “then about six months later I was in Portland, and that’s where I met Alec. I spilled some coffee on him, and when I tried to clean him up I looked in his eyes and I just couldn’t help thinking he had the most gorgeous eyes I had ever seen.” You let out a sad laugh, “I must have said it out loud because he laughed and said that there were other ways to hit on him than spilling coffee on him and flirting. After that he asked me on a date and I went, I kept pushing back the date I was leaving before finally deciding to stay…for him. I accepted a job with SWORD, got an apartment, and was living normally. Alec worked a lot, he had to take a lot of phone calls but we both managed to work from home most days.” Your eyes tear up as you remember the beach, “Then Alec got promoted and we had to move to New Jersey, he proposed, I said yes and for a very long while we were happy. We moved near enough where I could go into the office and since he was a project manager he had to go in more as well. His work calls went down significantly which was amazing, and we were just…happy and normal.” A tear slipped past as you remembered the last day of your ideal life, “then, a few days before we were going to get married, Marc came out of nowhere. Told me he was going to kill Alec if I didn’t go with him, he gave me 24 hours to say goodbye to my life before he took it away. But of course…I had to fight back.” You knew you were trembling, “I couldn’t let him have that control over me, so I tried to hide Alec away, somewhere Marc couldn’t reach him…Alec sacrificed his life for me, Marc cornered us at the bus station and snapped Alec’s neck right in front of me…I could only cry and weep and act like a blubbering mess, meanwhile Alec was dead and I just..passed out. When I woke up I was in London.” 

For a while Layla just held you, rubbed comforting circles on your back as you weep and blamed yourself. You were filled with so much sadness and pain that it felt like your heart was going to burst, your throat was closed up and sore from all the crying. You trembled from nerves and lack of hydration. Your guilt was eating you alive, from Alec’s death to sleeping with his killer. You were consumed with guilt. 

You were drowning. 

And you wanted to drown. 

—

It’s been a week since you escaped Marc. 

Layla and you caught up with one another, you tried apologizing for all the pain you put her through but she wouldn’t accept it. Slowly, little by little, you were both taking the damage done to your friendship one day at a time. 

You both didn’t do much besides lay low, watch tv, ate, and talk. Damn did you guys talk. 

With the tv playing some old movie and both of you chilling on a couch as you talked through the movie, you couldn’t help but feel nostalgic. When Marc wouldn’t come home until late and you stayed up with Layla to help ease her mind. And you felt like maybe you were getting back there. 

But the guilt stayed with you, always there in the pit of your stomach, waiting to consume you again. You still blamed yourself, for everything, you blamed every bit of misfortune on you. If you had done something differently, things would’ve worked out better. 

You were in the middle of making supper when you felt the hair on the back of your neck stand on end. At first you felt like you were crazy, but as the harsh pounding of the dead bolted door came you grabbed the hot pot from your hand, discarding the contents onto the floor and held it up. In case you needed to use it as a weapon, Layla motioned for you to be quiet and to stay low. You shakily followed her instructions. You heard her peak through the door only to let out a sigh of relief, you peaked your head over the counter to find her motioning you to stand up. 

“It’s Jake,” She said as she opened the door. You knew you shouldn’t have flinched when you saw him, he helped you escape, he tried to right the wrong done to you, and yet. When you saw him, flashes of Marc came through and invaded your head. You breathed through it and tried to calm yourself down. 

“Change of plan,” Jake said, his accent thick, “You leave tonight, grab your things and meet me outside.” and with that he was gone from the doorway, you saw Layla immediately spring into action and urged you to do the same. You put down the hot pan and went to pack what few things you had, the clothes and blankets being one of them. You met her outside, where she held your hand and gave you a nod of reassurance before slipping a gun into your coat pocket. “For insurance” she said. You both made your way where Jakes limo awaited you, you didn’t think twice before hopping in the backseat. 

“What happened, why did the plans change?” Layla asked as Jake floored it away from the safe house. 

“Marc knows,” Jake said thickly, his eyes darting to his rearview mirror, “he knows I helped you and is pissed off, I need to get you both to safety before he takes control again.” 

“So where are we going now?”

“You’re still getting on a train,” Jake replied as he ran through a red light a series of swears and honking didn’t deter him, “just not the one we wanted. Now if you don’t mind, I need you guys to be quiet as I focus on driving and not losing control.” 

Both you and Layla were silent as London passed you by, it was a blur at the speed Jake was going, and despite having lived in the city, you didn’t know your way around it much. Directions were never your strong suit, but at some point things started to become familiar as you felt Layla tense beside you. Immediately you knew something was wrong, the sinking feeling of dread and seconds felt like minutes as you turned to see her confused gaze. You were about to speak to Jake when you noticed him turn at a familiar sign. 

Roxxon Luxury Apartments

“Jake why are we here?” You asked. Your heart was pounding a mile a minute. 

“Just one second, Starlight.”

Your heart stopped, the sinking feeling in your gut dropped to your feet and your hands shook as your eyes slowly went to meet him in the mirror. 

Those weren’t Jake’s eyes you met in that rearview. 

It was Marc. 

His eyes were dark, intense as he stared at you, his thick brows furrowed. All you could see in his eyes was dark, obsessive, possessive, anger, every dark emotion he had under the sun. 

Marc was pissed. 

You turned to tell Layla to get out of the car and run. 

But it was too late. 

Marc had turned around at lightning speed and stuck something in her neck. 

“I really didn’t want to do that,” Marc said, “but you didn’t leave me a choice.” 

You screamed as Layla went limp beside you, Marc released her as he went to exit out of the car, he at some point parked but you didn’t notice. You went to feel for a pulse, you were practically heaving as you felt a very small, very slow pulse. 

“Layla,” You said, trying to wake her, “Layla come on, open your eyes!” 

“She’s not going to,” He said as he opened up your door, you kicked and screamed as he pulled you away from her. “I was going to leave her out of this, but you didn’t leave me a choice.” 

“What did you do to her!” You yelled, pounding your fists on his back.

“I gave her something to make her fall asleep,” He said, “she’s going to sleep, and then she will peacefully, slip and be with her father again.” He practically dragged you away, carrying your fighting body without struggle, “this was the best I could do after this little incident. She wasn’t going to fuck off after this, so this was the only other option.” He set you down once you were in the elevator, “you belong to me.”

You spat in his face, you saw his eyes flare with an anger you’ve never seen before as the elevator dinged and he dragged you back to that apartment. The one with all those windows, looking out to a world you’ll never be a part of again. 

The windows that killed you. 

The door locked instantly as you noticed the disarray around you. 

Shattered glass, holes punched into walls, you saw Marc went mad in here.

Or maybe he always was. 

You heard the door lock behind you as you were harshly turned around, his hands had a death grip on your arms, they were bruising and you could barely move. His eyes were trained on you, dark, and angry, but you also saw so much sadness in them and hurt. Tears pricked the corners of his eyes. 

“Why?” His voice was low and dangerous, “why did you do that, did I not provide everything for you?”

“You took me,” You said, “you had no right.”

“I had every right.” Marc said. 

“You sound like your mother.”

It was the lowest of blows you could throw at him, you knew. But all the grief, and guilt, and blame, and anger, everything boiled over. You swore to yourself you would never, ever, say those words to him. 

Another vow you’ve broken. 

His hands let go of you as he recoils from you like you had burned him, and if you were honest, burning him would’ve hurt less. 

You felt the cold press of metal against your skin and your hands flew on their own. Your hands held the gun and aimed it at him. If you were honest, you didn’t want to kill him. Probably wouldn’t, but you could try, probably physically harm him enough for you to get away again. 

But what was the point?

You could see Marc was silently impressed with how fast you had armed yourself. 

“You won’t kill me.”

“Probably,” You said the gun still aimed at him as you turned the safety off, “but I can try.”  

“WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!” He screamed, “I have loved you since we were eight, I only knew after that night in the cabin. You are my world, my moon and stars, you have no idea what I’ve sacrificed in your name.” 

“No,” You said, “but I know the names of the people you’ve killed in my name.”

“We’ve spent years dancing around each other,” He said as you put distance between you two, “always loving each other but something or someone always came in and fucked it up. Don’t tell me that you didn’t feel like you were finally complete that night in the cabin, or when we made love, here, in our home.” His eyes were pleading, “why am I the villain for taking the first step?” he stepped forward while you took a step back. 

“I always loved you,” You said never looking away from him, “but you treated me like shit and when I had finally built a life for myself you took it away. And for that I will never forgive you.”

“THAT LIFE WASN’T REAL!” Marc screamed, “NONE OF THAT WAS REAL!” 

Time seemed to stop. Like every heartbeat stopped as you see Marc’s eyes widen in shock as he realized what he said. 

“What?” You felt numb, your hands shook slightly, “what do you mean none of that was real? It felt real to me.”

Marc was silent, which you learned quickly was never a good sign. 

“What did Alec do for a living?” Marc asked, “did he ever tell you?”

You were about to say yes, but you stopped. You thought about it and Alec never gave you a straight answer. Always saying stuff about some mysterious project, work calls, promotion to project manager but he never said anything about what project or which company he worked with. You were so in love with him that you didn’t even think to ask. 

“He was a project manager.”

“In some way he was,” Marc said, “you were the project.” 

Your body began to shake as he continued. 

“Alec wasn’t even his real name,” he continued, “I mean Alexander Maximillian Hamilton? Alexander Hamilton? That’s the dude on the ten dollar bill, did you not find that weird?” Silence, “his real name was Mack Gildmen, he was a Private Investigator that I hired to keep tabs on you.” You pointed the gun at him firmly. 

“You’re lying!” You shouted even though the pit in your stomach told you otherwise. 

“I’m not,” He said, “he was just supposed to get close to you, be a part of your life when I couldn’t be. I had too much work to do, and you were right. I deserted you and I tried to work hard in being worthy of you again. We had this agreement, he would be a part of your life, give me updates disguised as business calls, refer to you as the project so as to not raise suspicion, and when I felt ready to reconnect with you again he would step out of the way, naturally. I paid him his top dollar for every update.” Tears welled in your eyes. “But then he went and fell in love with you, which shouldn’t have surprised me because who wouldn’t. But it did, it surprised and angered me. He quit, and told me he would always protect you from me, even if it meant himself getting in the crossfire.” The sudden realization dawned on you, “I told him the next time I saw him he was a dead man.” 

“So when you told me if I didn’t go with you, you were going to kill Alec…”

“I was going to kill him either way,” Marc confirmed, “he knew that. Why else did he put you on the bus, why else would he jam it and not get on the bus with you?”

You didn’t want to hear it. 

“Because he knew he was going to die that night either way,” Marc continued, “he knew I would find him, but I was too angry. I saw red when I saw him, I didn’t take into account that you saw me kill him. I never wanted you to see that. But I guess that was his plan, get me riled up, have you in the audience and let myself completely destroy whatever good thought you ever had about me.” 

Your back was to the window, looking out to the city beyond, its lights flickering on the water. 

You wanted to deny it, to tell yourself that he was a liar and he was lying. 

But you knew he wasn’t, that look in his eyes, everything finally making sense. 

You knew this was the truth. 

“So this life I built,” you started, “my home, my fiance, my perfect, normal life…I didn’t build it at all, you did.” You knew you only got the job you did because you had previous experiences with super heroes. 

With him. 

Your home was paid for by Alec- you mean Mack, from the money he received from spying on you for Marc. 

Your whole life was a lie

You lowered the gun slightly, grief, anger, despair, as you recalled every happy memory. The smiles, kisses, happy birthdays, holidays you spent with him, with your friends and co-workers. Flowers you received, small gifts that Alec or Mack you guessed bought you, really weren’t from him. 

They were from Marc. 

Every small gesture, like bringing you iced coffee because hot coffee made you sick, or putting on your favorite show when you were down. 

All of that. 

Was him. 

The sick swirling feeling in your gut wouldn’t cease, as you threw up all of the contents of your stomach towards the nearest trash can. 

Marc didn’t approach you, worried that you would flinch from his touch and right now. 

That would kill him. 

While your head was buried in that trash can, reliving every happy day in those three years, you knew what you had to do. 

To end the madness. 

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Your head shot straight up from the trash can and whirled around to look at Marc. 

“Let’s get you washed up.” 

“No.” You aimed the barrel of the gun away from Marc. 

And aimed it at your temple instead. 

“NO!” Marc screamed as panic filled his very being, “NO WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” 

“Did you mean it when you said I was your world,” you asked with your eyes and tone cold and numb, “your moon and stars.” 

“Yes,” Marc said, slowly inching closer, “you are everything to me.” 

“Good,” You said, “You took everything from me, it’s about time I return the favor.” 

With a bang everything went black. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“You’re sure of this exchange?” Khonshu asked, Marc was trembling as he held you. Your beautiful eyes were once so vibrant, stared at nothing, your skin was still warm (thank god) and Marc couldn’t stop sobbing. He could hear Steven and Jake in the background, they weren’t in any better condition. 

“A lifetime of servitude for her life,” Marc said, kissing your limp hand, “I’m sure.” 

He just wanted you back and he knew Khonshu wouldn’t let him join you until the debt was paid. 

“You do realize that this lifetime will be far longer than you expected,” Khonshu warned, “My healing armor will keep you young and strong for centuries. My justice will require much bloodshed.” 

“Just bring her back to me,” he pleaded. Khonshu sighed as he felt for your pulse, it was weak, but your soul had not crossed over yet. So, he still had some jurisdiction here. 

“Let’s begin” 

TAGLIST:

@simonsbluee

@yuki235171

@dopeqff

@themapoftinyperfectthings

@later-gators12

@lovepeaceorelse

@ahookedheroespureheart

@8hgel

@onestopficshop

[everlark777]

holding you is like the new past

next | previous

chapter six

i woke up with a text from armin, it read “hey, hope this finds you well! i know it’s quite early and you may not receive this for a bit. could we meet over coffee to discuss a few things? i’ll buy?”

i had to sit up, rub my eyes and read it again before i could fully comprehend that armin had just texted me. meet me for coffee? he wanted to see me before i had my morning coffee? did he want to get yelled at? i sat up and looked around my room from the night before.

i had fallen asleep at my desk working on a paper due for one of my classes, and crawled into bed around three in the morning. my clothes from yesterday were strewn about the room and all my papers were scattered about the place. i checked the time. i had about an hour to get my things together and make myself look presentable.

it had been two more weeks of class. two more weeks of armin and i actually being cordial. our little feud seemed like a hazy dream. one we both didn’t care to acknowledge.

i picked up my phone hovering over armin’s message before clicking on it. my fingers froze up on the keys. i didn’t know how to respond. he was so formal, should i respond in my scholarly email best or just respond normally?

i settled for, “sounds great, in about an hour?”

i paced around my room not being able to keep on track, mindlessly checking my phone for armin’s response. i didn’t know what i was doing. when i finally met up with armin almost two hours had passed.

“hey, sorry i’m late,” i huffed, pulling in a seat next to armin.

it was only eight but armin looked bright eyed, like he had been up for hours. today he was wearing a soft blue sweater that i had to fight the urge to reach out and pet. he looked softer than usual but i couldn’t quite put my finger on what was different.

“it would have been nice if you were here on time, but we mustn’t dwell,” armin scoffed.

it must have been the fact that it was eight a.m. on a saturday and i was sitting here with armin in a coffee shop but i bust out laughing. i mean heavy laughter, belly bending, strong breathless laughter.

“what could possibly be so funny?” armin puzzled.

“but we mustn’t dwell,” i copied in the most exaggerated british accent i could muster.

“who talks like that,” i said through heaps of laughter.

armin took a long look at me. he didn’t seem to be amused by my amusement. if anything it was bordering on anger.

“as a matter of fact, i do,” armin spit out, turning his head up in the air.

this got a good laugh out of me. by the time i caught my breath and looked up at armin, i could see a faint smile cracking through.

“i did not invite you here to be ridiculed, we need to discuss our project. as i have mentioned before, we have a good headstart and we need to stay focused. it might sound fun to goof around, but you decided you wanted to help me and this project is very important.”

armin’s tone shifted the entire mood. i felt my energy shift towards him. it was weird, it took a lot for my brain to focus up. when you have so many different thoughts screaming in your head all at once it’s hard to zero in on anyone thing, but armin had me shifting my entire focus forward.

i knew this project was important. we needed to complete it to graduate, but it was more than that. the good ideas went far. some people have gotten jobs exactly where they wanted to be due to their research and experiments on this project.

“i’m serious about this, i promise,” i held armin’s eyes intently, wanting him to know i meant it.

“i just haven’t had coffee yet and i honestly planned to sleep in today,” i rubbed my eyes and as if on cue let out a yawn.

“here,” armin hands me his card, “i already told them i was meeting you here, they'll give you my discount and everything.”

i hesitantly grabbed the card. i was all for free coffee, but i didn’t know how to accept it from armin just yet.

“i got next time,” i spit out trying to make the guilt lessen.

armin nodded and then shooed me off towards the counter.

—--

i walked into the coffee shop around closing time. armin and i were going to try and tweak an experiment we ran in class today that didn’t go exactly to plan. i checked my phone, no missed texts. i looked around but didn’t see armin. he was supposed to be there.

“boo.”

i jumped about ten feet and turned to be face to face with armin.

“why would you do that,” i said, clutching my chest.

armin let out a laugh.

“sorry, i just thought i had a perfect opportunity, i’m trying to be more fun since someone is convinced i’m a rigid weirdo” armin flashed a smile at me.

my mouth fell open, “i don’t think that,” i protested then realized i had more than likely said those words to mikasa last week, but right now we were acquaintances and i didn’t want him to know what i was thinking.

class had been a lot easier since we had finally started getting along. armin wasn’t that bad to be around. once you got past his know-it-all attitude maybe there was a decent person there.

“well, you got me,” i said still trying to catch my breath.

armin and i had about a ten minute walk to the lab. out here there were people around, but we would be alone in the lab. i felt nervous just thinking about it.

“so, how’s college life treated you these past few years.”

it was a brave statement. i felt as if our past didn’t exist. like we shouldn’t acknowledge the fact that we had met prior to that day in class. i looked over at armin to see if he felt weird about it but his expression didn’t change.

“boring, tough, exhausting, surprising, exhilarating, did i say exhausting,” i huffed out a laugh and met with armin’s eyes before he looked away.

“how about you?”

armin rubbed a hand over his face and then looked at me. our eyes catching during conversation had become ritual. always only making enough eye contact to look normal. never looking at each other for too long like if we did we might see something written in each other's faces.

“all of those things but maybe two more exhaustings?” armin huffed out.

we were getting closer to the lab but for some reason i found myself asking, “so i know we are supposed to be working on our project but i’m going to go out on a limb here and say, what if we ditched the lab and did something fun?”

armin looked quickly between me and the science building.

“are you doing eenie meanie right now?”

“maybe?” armin cracked a smile.

“well, could you hurry it up? i’m thinking about warm noodles and maybe watching a movie? I don’t know, it’s been so long since i've had any kind of fun. i don't even know what fun is anymore.”

“if you’re looking for fun, my buddy connie is throwing a party back at our apartment.”

at this my ears perked up. a party? i had heard about connie simply because he threw legendary parties. i couldn’t miss this.

“one question, could i invite a friend?”

[mrsaltieri-real]

His Perfect Victim (Mickey Altieri x OC!Dahlia Levine)

Chapter Ten: Hello?

Words: 2.2k

Warnings: not a lot of warnings here, language, brief mentions of Dahlia’s trauma, therapy, making up, mentions of sex, mentions of angst, etc

A/N: More of a filler chapter than anything, but it’s still important. We’re making some serious progress and it’s a big push forward so don’t miss it! Next chapter is going to be heavier, smuttier and have some angst thrown in for good measure. You’re not going to want to miss it! Thank you once again to @bisexual-horror-fan for your help, beta reading and editing this for me. I appreciate your help more than I can put into words!

@lizey-thornberry as you want to be tagged.

Therapy sucks. Therapy sucks even more when it wasn’t even your choice to attend sessions to begin with.

Sitting in front of a stranger staring at me with faux concern was agitating to say the least, especially when she’s getting paid a hundred dollars an hour to do just that, stare at me until I break and confess all my deep dark secrets and let my trauma seep through the cracks left behind from Woodsboro. The only reason I attended in the first place was due to my parents and my doctors.

I’d spent the first few sessions sitting in silence, watching as the arms of the clock ticked and tocked until an hour went by, and I could go back to moping in peace.

I was getting better now, slowly. That wasn’t down to the therapist, the doctors or my family. It wasn’t down to Sidney or Randy. It wasn’t even really down to Mickey as much as at the time I believed that to be the case. No, I now know it was down to me, giving myself the opportunity to be raw and open with another human being, completely vulnerable in ways I never had before.

Life’s too short for regrets, so I don’t regret it at all.

The one thing I did regret, however, was how I’d left things with Randy.

I’d been seriously neglecting my friendship with him, and I knew reconciliations had to be made sooner rather than later. The issue was the two of us were both too stubborn to make the first move into forgiveness. Even as kids, when we fought, we simply wouldn’t talk to one another until one of us would throw a toy at the other and hit them across the head. But we were adults now, and I don’t think I’d get very far if I threw a Barbie doll at him anymore, as amusing the image in my head was.

“Dahlia Levine?” The sweet looking receptionist called my name with a warm smile, to which I half-heartedly returned as I forced myself to stand up, making my way down the familiar hall to my therapist's office, Dr. Lorraine Galloway.

The door was already open, but I still tapped my knuckles lightly on the wood twice, and she twisted around in her chair, nodding and smiling politely when she saw me, loosely gesturing toward the huge armchair across from her. I obeyed quietly, settling down on the comfortable cushion and folded my hands in my lap.

“How are you doing today, Miss Levine?” She asked, the notebook already settled onto her lap, simple, small, lined paper and one of those curled metal spines that binds the pages together, looking like a coiled phone cord. Her hand rests on the page, holding her dark blue and gold fountain pen, her position in her chair is relaxed, one leg folded over the other as she observed me, waiting for my response.

I shrugged, eyes trained on my hands as I responded, “Better, I guess? And please call me Dahlia.” I’d already had a fair number of sessions with her and asked to be referred to by my first name every single time, it was beginning to annoy me and that must have been evident in my tone, judging how I heard the light scribble of pen to paper, making me suppress the urge to roll my eyes. Was she seriously making a note of that?

“How’s college treating you, Dahlia? I haven’t seen you in a little over two months.”

Shrugging again, fingers itching to twist my ring, I replied, “Things have been good. I haven’t felt the need to bother coming in.”

I could feel her eyes fixed on me, and it was already pissing me off. Dr. Galloway wasn’t like my old therapist back in Woodsboro. She actively tried to engage with me, try and get me to speak and fucking feel, although she learned fairly quickly I was completely unwilling to discuss Stu. No amount of therapy will ever make me want to consciously relive any of that.

“Is there anything you’d like to discuss or share? You have the whole hour, remember?”

I hesitated for a second, teeth sinking into my bottom lip. Dr. Galloway seemed to grasp at the straws and quickly added, “I’m here to listen,” before lightly placing her notebook onto her desk, leaning back in her chair and pushing her glasses up her nose.

“I… Uh…” I shifted awkwardly in my seat, settling on playing with my ring to try to comfort myself, push myself into talking. “Could I talk about my friend, Randy?”

“You can talk about whatever and whoever you want to, Dahlia. These sessions are yours.” Her hands opened, as if inviting me to go on, to which I awkwardly did so.

With a small sigh, I began to tell her about the last few months. About Mickey and Randy, and how impossibly guilty I felt that I’d been neglecting my friendship with the latter, practically threw him aside for some guy I was dating. She listened intently, and it honestly felt good that someone was listening to what I had to say with no judgment, even if she was getting paid hundreds of dollars to do so.

“Has Mickey ever given you or any of your friends reason to think he’d hurt you?” Dr. Galloway asked once I’d told the tale. Hesitating again, I nodded my head once, and she rested her chin against her hand, eyes urging me to go on.

“Well, a few months ago, before we started dating, Mickey fucked-” I cringed slightly at the word choice before correcting myself, “-sorry, slept with this girl at a party. Tricked me into going into the bedroom, so I’d see it.” I physically flinched at the memory, seeing that girl's face twisted in pleasure and Mickey fucking her from behind, eyes fixed on my face with that sick smirk on his face.

I hadn’t thought about that in a while, suppressed it to the dark dusty corners in my mind along with my other painful memories I’d sooner forget all about.

“And did Randy know about that?”

“No, I never told him. But I think he had an idea because it was after that night he started having reservations about Mickey and I- I just don’t know what to do.” Fuck, is this why people went to therapy? I could feel so many suppressed emotions rushing to the surface so fast it was making my head spin.

“Maybe your friend has a reason to be concerned, then.” She suggested with a small shrug.

“He doesn’t.” I insisted firmly, halting the twisting of the ring and shaking my head, “Yeah, Mickey can be kind of a dick, but no one else sees the side of him that I do. How patient and gentle he can be.”

“Then maybe that’s something you need to talk about with Randy. Communication in friendships is important, and it’s clear that he’s important to you.”

Randy was important to me. I thought about it as I walked back to campus, shivering at the crisp air and silently cursing myself for forgetting to bring my jacket with me.

He was important to me, so was Mickey in a very different way. I thought about how much I missed Randy, discussing everything and anything with him until the day turned to night. How he was a huge part of the reason I was even able to recover, him staying at my bedside whilst I was in the hospital, doing everything he could to make me smile, the perfect friend.

Once on campus, I found myself making a beeline toward the one room I knew Randy would be in; the theatre. He enjoyed working on film projects there, so I wasn’t surprised to walk up the steps and see him perched on top of a prop wall, legs swinging and brows furrowed in concentration as he squinted into the lens of his camera.

“Hey, Rand.”

He jumped at the sound of my voice, camera nearly tumbling out of his hands as he looked at me, blue eyes wide. His face twisted to something akin to indifference as he eyed me up and down, lips pursed, before he mumbled, “Hey.”

I anxiously inched closer to him until I was leaning beside him, looking up at him seriously, “I’m sorry.”

His expression changed to shock as his head cocked to the side, and he exclaimed, “The fuck did you just say to me?”

The grin broke out across my face before I could even register it, playfully pushing Randy’s leg with a, “Shut up, dickhead.”

“Sorry, I just never thought I’d live to see the day Dahlia Levine apologizes to me.” His tone was only half teasing.

“It’s long overdue. I’m sorry, I’ve been a really shitty friend lately, Randy.” I said with a sigh, eyes dropping.

“Dahlia, it’s not you I blame, you know that.” His tone had an edge to it, and I instantly knew who he was in fact blaming.

I looked back up at him, practically pleading now as I spoke, “Randy, please, you don’t have anything to worry about. Mickey isn’t going to do anything.”

Randy rolled his eyes with a scoff, carefully placing the camera down beside him, “So you actually are dating him? For fuck's sake, D.”

I was getting mad, but I kept it inside, taking his free hand that wasn’t gripping the camera slightly harder than was probably necessary into mine and squeezing it gently.

“Even if it is a mistake, it’s my mistake to make. He makes me happy, Randy.”

Randy frowned, looking down at me with his brows knitted together, “He really makes you happy?”

“Yes, he really does.” I spoke honestly, maintaining eye contact with him all the while. Randy knew I didn’t lie, so he had no reason to suspect otherwise. He simply sighed, placing the camera in his other hand down beside him before moving it to place over the top of mine and nodded his head, saying softly, “Fine. For God’s sake, I still think he’s a fucking dick, but if anyone deserves happiness, it’s you.”

“So we’re friends again?” I asked hopefully, biting my lip as I awaited his response.

He rolled his eyes at me again, this time affectionately and released my hands, jumping down from the wall and pulling me into a tight hug. I closed my eyes, my arms wrapping around his waist as I hugged him back and his chin rested on the top of my head, the feeling comforting and familiar.

“Of course we are.” He said. I could tell he was smiling, but I know it didn’t quite reach his eyes in the way it should have, but at that moment, I was too happy to have my friend back to take much notice.

If only I’d noticed. If only I’d listened and was more critical.

After that, things were better, at least for a while. Mickey and I were growing closer with every passing day, listening to music in his dorm and just chatting mindlessly about anything and everything. He showed me some bands I’d never heard of when the movies got a little too much. I could tell his built-up wall was gradually beginning to crumble, allowing me to really get to know him, or the part of him he wanted me to know, but he was still always just a little distant. Not as much as before our night together, but a hint of detachment still lingered in the air.

Something was happening. I knew that was the case, something about it just spells it out, you know, like when a storm is coming in the summer? The lack of sound and the feeling in the air tattles on what is to come, announcing it long before a single flash of lightening or clap of thunder does.

One night, Mickey had already fallen asleep, but I simply couldn’t, so I just laid flat on my back, staring unseeing at the dully illuminated ceiling from the streetlights outside, when my phone began to buzz quietly on Mickey’s bedside table.

I glanced at his alarm clock, the bright letters stating it was three thirty in the morning.

Who the fuck would be calling me at this time.

I still felt uneasy about receiving phone calls and everybody in my life already knew that, but the anxiety that it could be an emergency got the better of my, so I flicked the phone open, taking in the unknown caller printed across the screen for a second before answering it, pressing the phone tentatively to my ear with a whispered, “Hello?”

No response.

I swallowed thickly, trying to get rid of the lump forming in my throat before asking again, a little louder, “Hello?”

Nothing.

Mickey stirred next to me, rolling onto his side and groggily opening his eyes, lifting his hand to rub them gently.

I sat up, hand shaking as I repeatedly whispered “Hello?” into the speaker.

“Whose that?” Mickey's voice was thick with sleep and the minute the words were out of his mouth, the line went dead.

Read Chapter Eleven HERE

[coldresolve]

Moneymakers, pt.v // Coming Back Down

Previous / AO3 / Masterlist / Next

There’s something in his blood. It’s in chest, in his shoulders. In the cold creeping down the back of his neck, the way his hands urge to shake but haven’t at all, tonight.

There’s something in Renee, something dark and violent, something subdued and held back, but it just tasted its first hint of release.

And it’s not that he’s never been in fights before, not that he hasn’t smashed things up and attempted to let it out. He’s seen this kind of stuff online. He’s seen much, much worse things than this. Murders and accidents, guts and death; bodies turned into mush you’d only guess was human if you knew as much in advance.

He has tasted blood in his mouth before. He has felt this morbid rush before. He has caused pain—

This just hits different.

Conrad is barely conscious when Renee pulleys him down. He lets out a groan on the descent, tilts onto his side, and lays sprawled there for a minute, arms still over his head. Dazed eyes blink, but although they never settle on anything specific, his breathing picks up when Renee crouches down beside him.

Renee unties the gag first, throws it vaguely in the direction of a bin by the desk, as Conrad swallows away the lingering discomfort. Starting by the base of his thumbs, deep bruises form a series of lines that circle Conrad’s wrists, going as high as the backs of his hands. They haven’t fully formed yet, but if this is what his hands look like now, they will. His arms are slack when Renee opens the cuffs, one after the other. He doesn’t try to move once he’s free, either. Just lies there.

Renee taps him on the shoulder. “Anybody home?” he mutters. He doesn’t get an answer, but doesn’t really expect to. So he lets out an exasperated sigh, stands up to roll his shoulders. “I’m not carrying him down the stairs, man” he tells Davin.

At that, Conrad lets out a small, hoarse sound. Painstakingly, he manages to roll onto his stomach and pull his legs up under him. As he pushes himself up to kneeling, he lets out a breath, draws it out, a whistle for every inch his shoulders lower. His hands lay palms up in his lap, and his eyes are closed, brows furrowed. It looks like he’s praying, but his mouth is twisted in a mix of pain and relief.

In a way, it’s obscene. But there’s that feeling again. Almost like the urge to laugh.

“Just give me a minute,” Davin mutters, only half paying attention. His head is tilted towards the screen, fingers occasionally dancing across the keyboard.

“Bite?” Renee asks.

Davin glances up. At first, he doesn’t look like he understands what Renee means, but then he smirks, with that same, knowing smugness he had so many times while they were discussing this. Turns back to the screen without a word.

Renee chuckles.

And so it starts.

He leaves the aftermath behind, relieved to be out of the heat of the spotlights. Saunters down the stairs and feels unstoppable for each step he takes. Like he’s been reborn. He hasn’t changed, but things are different, now, he can feel it, and he wants more. Knows he won’t be able to sleep naturally until he has felt this new... something again. A drawer in his room holds a hidden bottom an old friend made for him back in high school. He rummages through its disorganized contents, flipping over zip-lock bag after zip-lock bag until he finally finds what he’s looking for. He jams it into his pocket and is almost by the kitchen when he hears shuffling from upstairs.

Renee stops where he is, ears perked. Waits for a second.

“…hit me,” a voice mutters.

“He did,” comes the response.

Conrad’s voice is raw, hoarse. It’ll probably be gone come tomorrow, Renee muses.

“Y-you just… sat there.”

“I did,” Davin says. There’s a small groan, and the shuffling stops momentarily. “I thought,” Conrad croaks, “I k-kinda thought you’d… tell him to, to stop.” His voice breaks on the last syllable, barely audible from where Renee is standing. He imagines what the guy’s facial expression looks like – brows knitted, bottom lip quivering, wide eyes conveying either a plea for humanity or the incredulity that none is to be found.

Silence for a beat. Then, Davin’s voice, coated in faux curiosity. “What gave you that impression?”

Renee covers his mouth with his hand to stop himself from exclaiming. Weird how a man so keen on leniency dropped the pretense at such an opportune moment. A long play for a mindfuck? Probably. It’s strange and convoluted, but god is it also kind of satisfying to see. This is the guy Renee imagined Davin to be, all those hours they spent in the past couple months, buried to their necks in the programmer’s notes, talking about it. The man behind the strings, who knew when to give and when to pull. Davin, the brain, to compliment Renee, the body. Conrad doesn’t answer Davin’s rhetorical question, and Renee grows tired of waiting to hear the guy break down again. So he leaves the hallway, navigating the dark house on memory, until he’s at the sliding glass door in the living room area, and he steps out onto the backyard deck.

The sudden shift from the clammy, hot air of the stage upstairs to the icy freshness of the night sends a series of violent shivers through him, and he shakes his head and limbs as they wash over. He walks back and forth on the deck until he has adjusted enough to the change in temperature to be able to control his fine motor skills. Then he dumps down in one of the lounge chairs overlooking the yard, retrieving the zip-lock back and the old cigar case where he keeps papers and filters. Lays both on his thigh and rubs extra warmth into his hands for good measure. After packing it tightly, he rolls it up with practiced ease. The taset of the cigarette paper’s glue is bitter on his tongue, but he welcomes it. The clink of his lighter’s opening mechanism, the first few, failed attempts at getting a spark to catch – it’s all as it should be, he thinks, but even that irony is half-hearted; he means it too much to find it genuinely funny.

He leans back into the lounge chair after the first drag, eyes trailing across the lawn. The night is quiet and cold. A lazy, giddy feeling blooms in his chest, a dawning sense that his body is becoming lighter. Smoke from his nose in a drawn out sigh, coiling around his face before it gradually drifts off and dissipates into thin air.

He feels pretty good.

Previous / Masterlist / Next

[shakirawastaken]

Memories (anyone x anyone)

ᴺᴼᵂ ᴾᴸᴬᵞᴵᴺᴳ : Memories by Conan Gray  ᴠᴏʟᴜᴍᴇ : ▮▮▮▮▮▮▯▯▯  ↺ Masterlist ‖ Song Link ≫ “The Library” Server Link! summary: he wishes she would stay in his memories; a messy break up resurfacing this can be read with literally anyone! so :))) im obsessed with this song currently soooo,,, i hope u like it :)

“One, two It's been a couple months That's just about enough time For me to stop crying when I look at all the pictures Now I kinda smile, I haven't felt that in a while”

He smiles to himself as he glances around the now empty room, once home to endless meetings attended and e-mails sent. Now it was empty and everything that was in it is now stuffed away into the moving box in the hallway.

Shutting the door behind him, he glances at the overturned picture frame placed on the top of the office supplies. Sighing, he picks up the picture frame and slides down to sit on the floor outside his old office. A picture that previously triggered the downfall of tears at the expense of what could have been, now set-off a nostalgic feeling of what had been.

Him and her, the dynamic duo. The picture was a sloppy selfie taken on his phone, pictured the both of them eating strawberry frozen yogurt in her car. He remembers that day with an abnormal amount of clarity.

She had urged him to pull over to the side of the highway in order to enjoy the frozen yogurt. He moved to tell her that they were almost home anyway, but the glint in her adventure-ridden eyes made him shut his mouth. So, he pulled over and ate his frozen yogurt to the sound of her laughs at his occasional joke. He had decided, in that moment, that he loved her. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with her and buy a house together in the suburbs, adopt 3 cats, get married, and live the best life they could.

Unfortunately, not all works out to plan. His idea of their future clashed with her own. She was a free soul who wanted to travel the world and live new experiences, not settle down and chain herself to a life she might hate.

So, they agreed to split apart. At first, it was tough - hands wavering over the call button, sobs echoing through the house, and cutting of polaroid pictures.

Now, he’s moved on. He’s got a job three states over. He’s proud of himself for moving on. He missed this feeling.

He knows he’ll find someone else.

“It's late, I hear the door Bell ringing and it's pouring I open up that door, see your brown eyes at the entrance You just wanna talk and I can't turn away a wet dog”

He’s pulled out of his thoughts when he hears the ring of the doorbell pierce through the sound of the rain pouring onto his roof. He rushes to the door, the picture frame long forgotten.

He swings the door open, expecting his friend or even his mother, but is met with brown eyes.

He’s seen these eyes before. He’s seen them on late-night FaceTime calls and on dates in fancy restaurants.

He’s almost scared to break eye contact because he doesn’t want to believe it’s her. But when he does eventually see that it’s her, he softly smiles and opens the door wider. A silent invitation to come inside.

“But please don't ruin this for me Please don't make it harder than it already is I'm trying to get over this”

He knows he shouldn’t have opened the door, he shouldn’t have let her in. What was he supposed to do?

Was he supposed to slam the door in her face, claiming that he’s moved on? Let her stay outside in the rain while he continued to pack away his things, ready to move away (from her)?

Or was he supposed to let her in and give into his silent feelings? Show her compassion and generosity despite the messy break up they went through? Was he supposed to risk all the progress he’s made for himself by letting her back in again?

He supposed the latter was the better option.

“I wish that you would stay in my memories But you show up today, just to ruin things I wanna put you in the past 'cause I'm traumatized But you're not letting me do that, 'cause tonight”

He guides her to his kitchen, standing to the side as she tells him that she misses him and wants to experience more picture frame worthy memories with him.

He stands, silent. As the girl continues to beg him for another chance at love, he grows to realize how unhealthy letting her back into his house really was.

He realizes how traumatizing being in a relationship with someone who didn’t match his own ideals really was. He wishes she had never shown up, never put him in the situation he’s in now.

He wishes she had stayed in the past.

“You're all drunk in my kitchen, curled in the fetal position Too busy playing the victim to be listening to me when I say "I wish that you would stay in my memories" In my memories, stay in my memories”

With faux empathy, he bends down to where she was curled up on the kitchen floor. Awkwardly rubbing a hand up and down her back, he attempts to reassure the woman he loved before that it would all be okay. He doesn’t say a word, scared that his heart would betray his mind and tell her that he also wants her back.

She’s too busy crying and acting like he was the reason they broke up, when in reality it was a mutual decision. It was a joint decision to end the emotional torture their relationship had been. Throughout the whole thing, she had tried her best to keep the two of them together. She focused on the positives, planned date after date, made joke after joke, all just to avoid talking about the future that they couldn’t have. She wasn’t going to give up now.

She’s too busy to realize that he’s trying to tell her that he’s moved on.

She’s too busy to realize that he’s put her in the past, while she still has him in her present.

“Now I can't say goodbye if you stay here the whole night You see, it's hard to find an end to something that you keep beginning Over and over again”

She can’t help but hit replay on their relationship in her mind. The time spent with him were some of the happiest moments she’d had in a while. Now that his presence was harshly snatched from her life, she longs for the joy she felt with him.

She doesn’t want to be stuck in the dump she’s in now. She hopes that he’ll take her back and pull her out of the slump she’s in. She hopes he’ll re-install the smiles and laughs he took with him when they split.

But she knows that won’t happen. But she’s going to keep trying, until she can’t.

He’s scared of letting her back in, to bring back the internal guilt that came from being with someone he knows he could never spend the rest of his life with.

He wishes she would stay in his memories.

:) <3

[ejzah]

In Miss Blye’s Class, Part 8

***

Friends. Deeks rolled the word around in his head a few times as he replied to an email. Friends totally met for coffee and texted each other throughout the day (and evening), right?

He and Kensi had been chatting off and on since she gave him her number. Even after just a few days, he’d come to appreciate her various anecdotes shared during far too short breaks and the increasingly ridiculous pictures she found to send at random intervals.

To his right, his phone flashed with a new message and he resisted the urge to check it immediately. He usually had significantly better self-control than this, but with Kensi he completely lost his cool. It almost felt like he was 16 again.

Deeks worked for another 10 minutes before giving in and reading her latest text.

“I just had a student start telling another student every bad words he knows.”

“Please tell me it wasn’t Caleb.” Deeks replied, easily imagining his son calling up all the curse words adults had unintentionally said in his presence.

“No, not him. But you probably need to have a talk with him later cause he and several other kids were extremely curious.”

“Thanks for the heads up. Totally hasn’t heard any of those things from me.”

“Yeah, you’re such a saint.”

“Ooh, somebody’s happy for a change,” a sarcastic voice observed.

Deeks sighed as he looked up to find Talia DeCampo leaning in his doorway. “Should I be worried?”

“Nope, just up to my usual deprived activities,” Deeks answered glibly, tapping to lock his screen even though Talia couldn’t see his phone from this angle.

The first day they were introduced, Talia had looked him up and down, given him a taunting smirk, and informed him he would do. Since then, their relationship had consisted of trading barbs and Talia’s frequent unsolicited advice.

“Now that is hilarious, Deeks.” Talia was considered one of the top lawyers with the firm, but right now Deeks could tell she had nothing but mischief on her mind. From day one, she seemed to take great joy in teasing him. “Seriously, who are you talking to? You’ve been glued to your phone all day.”

“I’m just catching up with a friend, Talia,” Deeks told her, giving the bare minimum with the hope that she would be satisfied and find someone more entertaining to antagonize.

“Well, your “friend” makes you smile like an idiot. I haven’t seen you look this happy since you started here,” Talia observed.

“Maybe that’s because the majority of the time you’re calling me names and generally abusing me,” Deeks replied without any real heat behind the words. He liked Talia. In a purely surface level coworker way. And in small increments.

“Oh please, don’t pretend you don’t give back just as good as you get,” Talia said, dismissing his observation with a roll of her eyes. A gleam creeping into her eyes, she leaned across over his desk. “So, what’s her name?”

“Yeah, not talking about this with you,” Deeks told her, slipping his phone into his pocket without replying to Kensi’s latest text, not trusting Talia to not snatch it from him.

“Oh c’mon Deeks, who else are you going to talk to?” She paused to let it settle in. “I swear I’m not messing with you this time.” Deeks eyed here for a moment, deciding that her intentions seemed genuine.

“Fine, her name is Kensi. And that is all you need to know.”

“Ah, so I was right, it is a woman,” Talia said triumphantly. Rounding his desk, she leaned over his shoulder, gesturing for him to continue. “Ok, show me a picture.”

“No!”

“If she’s just a friend, you wouldn’t object this much,” she pointed out shrewdly and Deeks shook his head, chuckling softly. “I thought a guy who worked for the CIA would be better at lying.”

“Once again, I did not work for the CIA, but nice try. Would you care to try another member of the alphabet? And for the record, I didn’t need to lie because in addition to being highly reputable and ethical, I was also extremely effective,” Deeks rattled off.

He saw Talia open her mouth to object, before her eyes tightened, and she gave him a knowing look.

“Nice attempt to deflect, Deeks. You almost got me, but you can’t distract me.”

“Talia DeCampo, have I ever mentioned how annoying you are?” he asked conversationally.

“Repeatedly. But you don’t hate me, which is all that matters.” Deeks inclined his head, neither confirming or denying her statement. “Alright, picture time.” She clapped her hands together, and rested her forearms on his back while she waited for him to follow her command. From anyone else, her lack of personal space would be concerning, but Deeks knew she really didn’t mean anything by it.

Knowing it was probably a bad idea, Deeks kept his phone turned away from Talia while he found a school picture and zoomed in until only Kensi was visible.

“Ok, here you go.”

“Oh my god, she’s gorgeous!” Talia exclaimed loudly.

“Talia!” Deeks hissed back, glancing towards his open door. She ignored him, grabbing his phone to get a better look.

“Oh please, no one else is even around. How dare you keep this to yourself,” she continued. “If I knew you were seeing someone this hot, I wouldn’t have made nearly as much fun of you.”

“Well, some of us do like to keep our personal lives private,” Deeks drawled, giving her a pointed look. “And, we’re not dating.”

“Hey, I don’t have time for shame or subtlety.” She shrugged, ignoring Deeks’ snort. “And why the hell not?”

“I told you, we’re just friends.” He didn’t mention the added complication of Kensi being Caleb’s teacher; she’d have an absolute field day with that.

“Oh, like either of us believe that, Deeks,” Talia said derisively. “I’ve seen your polite smile, I’ve seen your genuine smile, and I’ve seen your “I’m going eviscerate you with just a few words” smile. The way you were smiling when I walked in, I’ve never seen before. Not even when you talk about your kid.”

“Talia…”

“Crap, I have a meeting in two minutes,” she interrupted as her phone dinged with a notification. “I have to go, but we’ll talk later about getting you this date.”

She flashed him a smile that said she knew exactly how annoying she was being, and ruffled his hair before making a quick exit.

Sighing, Deeks ran his hand back through his hair. Maybe he could fake an extended illness to avoid Talia’s matchmaking attempts.

***

Car pickup was well underway when Kensi saw Deeks’ truck pull into the parking lot. He’d told her it was a busy day at the office, so she wasn’t overly surprised he was on the later side.

When Deeks finally reached the front of the line, everyone else had already been picked up and Caleb was regaling her with his plans for the night. Apparently lasagne was on the menu and he was beyond excited.

“Hey Kiddo, did you have a good day?” Deeks asked as he rolled to a stop, and Kensi opened the door so Caleb could hop in.

“Hey, Kiddo,” he said, reaching over to brush down a few unruly curls at the back of Caleb’s head. “Did you have a good day?”

“Uh-huh. I made a fish in art,” Caleb answered happily.

“And what about you Miss Blye?” Deeks added, offering a slow smile to match his drawl. The effect had her momentarily speechless.

“Good,” she finally managed. “We finally finished testing today.”

“And we had cookies for Jemma’s birthday,” Caleb shared, clearly finding that more exciting and relevant that any test. “We’re still having lasagne tonight even though grandma can’t come, right?” He gave Deeks an adorably worried look.

“You bet. We never cancel lasagne or pizza night unless it’s a national emergency,” Caleb giggled at Deeks’ assurance, then side-eyed Kensi.

“Then can Miss Blye come for dinner?”

“Uh…”

Caleb hurried on before Deeks could formulate a response. “Cause we’ll have so much and it’ll be just you and me. Besides, you always say I can have a friend over if I want.”

“Caleb, I think your dad was probably talking about someone from your class,” Kensi said gently. His face dropped a little.

“Actually, you’re completely welcome,” Deeks told her. “Caleb‘a right, we always have plenty of extra food. We’d love to have you if you want.” He sucked in a sharp breath between his teeth. “Though I can’t promise that my recipe will live up to Caleb’s high praise.”

“You really don’t have to invite me,” Kensi told him. “I know you didn’t plan on this.”

“You’re right, I didn’t, but that doesn’t make my offer any less genuine.” He stared back at her without any hesitation or dishonesty in his eyes.

“Well, then I’d love to,” Kensi found herself saying. “What should I bring?”

***

A/N: And things are moving right along in this little world. Hope you enjoy!

And yes, Caleb does appear to be attempting a slight parent trap-esque situation.

[hollyspacey]

the sight of you will prove to me i’m still alive : em

Pairing: Eddie Munson x original female character

TW: wounds, hurt/comfort, a ‘lil smut

After a tough battle, Eddie lends a helping hand. 

a/n: I haven’t posted a story in eons and this is my very first time playing in the ST sandbox so please, please be gentle! 

The battle was long and bloody but they had won. All of them worse for the wear, but each and every one miraculously alive. Hannah had taken some serious hits, looking in her bathroom mirror at the cuts and scrapes and bruises peppered all over her naked body. She was exhausted, wanted nothing more than to collapse on the first soft surface and sleep for the next week or so. But Eddie had insisted she shower and clean her wounds first. 

Seeing her injured had changed something between them, he'd barely left her side once the battle was over and the dust had settled. He was her best friend and he thought he'd lost her. The pure panic on his face was what pushed her forward, steeled her resolve, helped her resist the urge to break down although every cell in her body desperately wanted to. 

A soft knock on the bathroom door broke her from her spell. 

"You ok in there?" 

"Yeah, I'm good," she said, lying to him as well as the face that stared back in the mirror. 

"I'm right out here, if you need anything just yell." 

Hannah forced herself to move away from the mirror and turn on the shower. Steam began filling the room as she stepped under the spray. She let out a hiss as the water ran over the assortment of cuts and scrapes, tiny stings all over her body. She looked down to watch the water run dark as the blood and dirt swirled down the drain. She didn't know how long she stood there letting the hot water wash over her, it could've been seconds or minutes or days but auto pilot kicked in and she started to clean herself. Her mind replayed the fear and violence and worry of the last few hours.

Lifting her arms to wash her hair broke her from her horrible daydream as a sharp pain shot along her side. She'd taken a hard hit and her ribs were bright purple and painful. 

"Uhh Eddie?" She called out.

He answered immediately, his voice muffled by the door, "Yeah, what is it?" She didn't answer right away and he cracked the bathroom door. "Hannah?" 

She cleared her throat, "I can't lift my arms, could you maybe help me wash my hair?" 

"Are you sure?" 

She huffed softly, "My modesty or lack thereof is the last thing on my mind right now." 

She could hear Eddie taking his clothes off, before he pushed the shower curtain to the side. His eyes were glued to Hannah's, not daring to look down at her body. He was wearing only a pair of gray boxers as he stepped in. Hannah handed him the bottle of shampoo and turned around to face the water. The smell of coconut filled the air as Eddie tentatively reached out and began lathering her hair. 

Something about the gentle way he carded his fingers through her hair broke her. The tears fell unimpeded from her eyes, Eddie not mentioning the silent sobs that wracked her body. Once her hair was squeaky clean and she'd just about cried herself out, he turned her to face him with a hand on her shoulder. He swiped her cheek with his thumb, his eyes looking worriedly into hers. 

"I'm fine," she said unprompted, in a voice that called her a liar. 

"I know. You're stronger than you look." 

"Are you saying I don't look strong?" 

A look of relief covered his face as if he knew that the teasing note in her voice meant she would be fine eventually. "Did you get your wounds clean?" 

"I think so. I think I fucked up my ribs though. Everything hurts." 

"Can I look at it?" 

"Eddie if you wanted to look at me naked, you could have found a better way than this." 

"Yeah well, none of my other moves were working," he said with a soft laugh, looking deep into her eyes. 

He let his hand trail down her arm, pulling it over to cover her chest. "I don't want the first time I see you naked to be like this," he explained. 

Hannah felt her body warm at his words. Her world just kept tilting further and further off its axis but for the first time it felt like it was righting itself. Like the world had thrown its very worst at her, but then turned around and given her the simple, immeasurable gift of Eddie Munson looking at her with something like love and gratitude in his eyes. She watched as he leaned down to prod gently at the mottled purple covering her side. 

"Think I'll live, Doc?" 

"For now, yeah," his thumb brushed her side and he nodded. "I don't think it's broken but it's gonna feel like a bitch for a few days." 

An ache settled between her legs at his calloused fingertips skating over her sensitive skin, and a heavy breath fell from her lips. He glanced up at her from his bent position and looked into her eyes, his own darkening as he tried to decipher the look she was giving him. Hannah let her arm softly but deliberately fall to her side, exposing herself to Eddie. 

He straightened and took a deep breath. "I don't want to misread that." 

"You're not." 

"I don't want this to be because of what happened tonight." 

"It isn't." 

Eddie felt something inside him break as he let his eyes drift down and take her in. In an echo of his earlier move, Hannah ghosted her hand down his arm and pulled his hand up to rest on her chest. Eddie's hands traced over her body as if he knew that his touch was somehow wiping away some of the night's trauma. He took Hannah's chin in his hand and tilted her head up. They looked at each other hungrily for a second before he leaned forward and captured her lips with his. Hannah let herself be pressed back gently against the cool tile as Eddie pushed closer to her. 

Their first kiss was everything Hannah had known it would be. It felt like coming home after a long trip, or a perfect sunset, or a gentle summer rain. It felt fated somehow. An apology from the universe for everything bad that had ever happened to either of them. 

Like, yeah, sorry for the monsters and the violence and the world almost ending for the millionth time, but here is this magical wonderful thing to make up for it. 

Eddie's hand slipped down to the apex of her thighs. "This ok?" He asked in a husky voice. She nodded quickly and he shook his head. "Need to hear you say it, babe." 

"Yeah, yes, please, Eddie. Touch me." 

"With pleasure. " 

Eddie’s fingers traced along her slit, gathering the slick that he found there as he explored her. A ragged moan fell from Hannah's lips as his thumb brushed over her clit. 

Hannah reached down with the arm on her uninjured side to cup his bulge. His hips jerked forward at her touch and she took that as her sign to pull down the front of his soaked boxes until his hard length sprung free. She gave him a few experimental strokes as he caught her lips with his again. 

Hannah groaned into his mouth as he pressed first one, then two fingers into her. She let herself grind against his hand, stroking him in rhythm with his own movements. He grunted into the crook of her neck, their bodies trying to get closer than was humanly possible. Hannah could feel her release building up inside, broken moans falling from her lips. 

"Want you to come on my fingers, sweetheart, can you do that for me?" 

"Yes," she said with a gasp. Eddie felt her walls flutter around his fingers, spurring on his own release, his hips jerking into her fist. 

They stood under the water for a moment, breathless and shaky, bodies still pressed together. They moved silently to turn off the water and wrap up in towels as they left the bathroom. Hannah climbed into her bed, looking shyly up at Eddie where he stood a few feet away. 

She motioned him forward, "Come on, let's go to sleep." 

"No funny business now," he said, sternly. 

"I don't know if I have it in me for any more funny business tonight." 

"Maybe tomorrow," Eddie suggested as he crawled into bed next to her, pulling her into his arms. 

The last thing Hannah registered before she fell asleep was a soft kiss placed on her forehead. Tomorrow would come soon and there were no guarantees that hell wouldn't open back up beneath their feet but she had Eddie on her side and in her arms and somehow none of that mattered.