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lostdreamr-blog1 · 2 months

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Outrun the Future - G.Cleven Ch 5

A/N: Sorry for being MIA. Here is an extra extra long chapter for ya!

Word count: 7.4K

Ch 1 Ch 2 Ch 3 Ch 4

Ch 5

As the days went by, the 100th were starting to understand the harrows of war. Their latest mission had been one where they were hit hard, losing more friends in the process. Between them and the fighter pilots, it seemed like the numbers were falling faster than the military could replace. There was no healthy way to manage that kind of stress and loss, drinking became a coping mechanism for most. Which is why Marley was currently getting ready to go out that night alongside Betty.

“There have been rumors that your brother is single. Any chance that they are true?” Betty was taking the curlers out of her hair, trying to get as dolled up as she could.

Marley let out a hum of confirmation. “Also has herpes too. I’d steer clear if I were you.”

Betty scoffed, hitting the girl on the arm. “Oh stop. Keep saying things like that and the poor guy won’t have a lady within ten feet of him.”

Marley chuckled, fastening the last button on her uniform. “Serves him right. It took nearly a week for the guys to even look my direction after the threats he handed out.”

The two of them headed out to the pub that wasn’t too far off base. It was one that both the US and RAF frequented, having felt losses on both sides. Even with the mutual understanding of war, it didn’t mean they were understanding of each other.

When they arrived, Betty found some of the nurses from base and bid her friend adieu for the meantime. Marley, on the other hand, grabbed a beer from the bar and went to find her brother. It didn’t take much searching on her part when she heard yelling coming from a card table. Money, drinks, and cigarettes were going around the group of B-17 pilots, none of them giving a glance to the other end of the table.

She made eye contact with Buck first, the blonde motioning with his head for her to join them. Bucky saw her after Biddick moved over a seat to allow her room to sit with them all. “I think Marley is going to be my good luck charm this next hand.” Bucky glared at Biddick, making the pilot smirk as he got under the Major’s skin. “Maybe she can kiss my cards or somethin’. Really seal the deal for me wining.”

Marley chuckled at the balls this guy had to rile her brother up in front of everyone. Others seemed to find it amusing as well, biting back smiles so Bucky wouldn’t turn on them as well. She put a hand on his shoulder, keeping him from lunging out of his chair. “It’s a joke, John. Calm down before you get us all kicked out.” He relaxed back in his chair, sending one last glare to his so-called friend.

“You know, I rather admire you Americans.” One of the British officers cut in, making the group turn their attention to him. It was something about the tone he used that rubbed Marley the wrong way. She had worked alongside the RAF back at her other base, never having an issue with them. These ones though, seemed like they wanted to start some sort of pissing contest. “You’re all up there in broad daylight, seeming oblivious to the downsides.”

Jack Kidd shook his head, quickly defending his group. “I don’t understand what you are saying, Captain.”

The British officer smirked back at him, “Never mind old boy. One for the higher-ups.” He took a sip of his drink and continued, “It’s a question of philosophies. We bomb at night because it doesn’t matter what we hit, as long as it’s German. But bombing during the day is suicide. And clearly you are all lacking replacements as they are letting female’s join you lot.”

Marley took a sip of her beer, waiting to see how it all played out. This wasn’t the first time she had be looked down upon for being a female pilot and it surely won’t be the last. But the boys around her are experiencing this for the first time.

Bucky shook his head, “Someone seems threatened.” He had a calm exterior, not letting the Brit seem like he cared. But everyone around him knew he was a ticking time bomb.

“Nothing to be threatened by Major. I could foresee in the future American strategy adjusting due to the unfortunate losses you’ll no doubt continue to suffer. Math’s.” Marley rolled her eyes at the condescending tone he had, but her brother seemed confused at the last part. “Math’s?” He repeated it in a horrible British accent.

The groups went back and forth tearing each other’s strategies apart, but Marley tuned them out. It was always the same no matter where she went. With two different approaches to war, everyone believes theirs is the best. That they will be the reason to end the war. Realistically, they would be lucky if even half of them made it to the end with the way things were going.

It wasn’t until the egotistical Brit mentioned the P-51’s, did Marley give him her attention.

“The 100th have made a name for themselves throughout Europe. Bombing in large groups during broad daylight will do that for you. But the P-51’s having a female amongst them have nearly made them a laughingstock. I think I would rather fly alone out there than have the likes of her defending me.”

Buck was confused when Bucky didn’t defend his sister. With how close the two of them were, he figured he’d have to be holding him back from an all-out brawl. But what confused him more was the smile Bucky had plastered across his face.

Until he looked over to the younger Egan. Her eyes were sharp, making even the arrogant Brit across from them look away from her. The smirk on her face was one he’d seen too many times from his best friend, letting him know shit was indeed about to go down. And for once, he couldn’t wait to see an Egan in action.

“Tell me, how many targets have you actually hit? Or better yet, how much action have you seen? Because to me, it takes more effort for me to do my hair than fly a plane at night aimlessly dropping bombs.” Buck admired her ability to throw back at him without making it seem like his words got to her.

The RAF pilot did not share that admiration in the least bit. Before he could say anything back, Marley held up her hand, silencing the man. “Until you’ve actually done something productive in this war, keep your dick in your pants. Because I promise you it’s the smallest one here.”

Buck chuckled and leaned back in his chair, taking in the beauty that was Marley Egan. The flick of her hair dismissing him was the cherry on top, making the man across from them red in the face. “Who do you think you are to talk to a man like that?”

The table tensed at the clear misogynistic comment, but the female pilot surprised them and snorted. “Someone is overcompensating. Maybe you should go back to your Math’s.” She turned to her brother, “It was math’s, right?” Bucky nodded his head with a smirk. “Apparently there is more than one. Who knew?”

That seemed to be the last straw for the RAF pilot as he and the others started chirping about taking things outside. It didn’t take much convincing for the Americans to agree, nearly bouncing with joy as the group headed out the back door.

Marley watched as Biddick practically begged to be the one to take a shot at the British asshole, noticing Buck standing near her. “You didn’t want to throw your name in there? Something tells me you would be good when it came to a fight.”

Buck put his hands in his pockets, watching everything unfold. “As much as I wanted to slug him for the way he was treatin’ you, Biddick said he would owe me one. I’m more surprised you weren’t itching to get in there.”

He turned to look at her as she shrugged her shoulders. “With my luck we will have to fly out tomorrow. And flying with a bruised hand isn’t fun.”

His eyebrows rose at that comment, “You know from experience?” The smirk returned on her face and that told him everything. “There is a reason we are called fighter pilots. Not everyone gets to fly in a boat like you.”

Buck smiled and shook his head. Biddick had the RAF pilot down in one shot, signaling the night was coming to an end. “Kind of wished there would’ve been more of a fight. Too much talking for him to go down in one.” Bucky said, joining the two pilots.

“I’ll go a few rounds with you.” Buck took a strategic step forward at the younger Egan’s words, trying to place himself between the two of them. There was no doubt in his mind the two of them would start swinging for the fun of it.

“Three bucks says you can’t touch me.” Bucky was cracking his knuckles and Marley laughed. “Make it five and you have a deal.”

“I’ll buy you both a drink next time we are out if neither of you do this.” Buck had almost a pleading tone, making the two siblings’ step back from each other. Bucky threw an arm around his friend, “Live a little, Buck. A few bruises never killed anyone.”

Buck shook his head, “I don’t want to carry your ass all the way home after losing. I think the drinking is causing you to gain some weight. Gettin’ hard to lift you.”

Marley smiled, watching the two of them interact. The more time she spent with them, the more she was starting to understand their dynamic. Buck was someone her brother needed to ground him. And if she had to bet, Buck needed her brother in order to see a brighter side of living. While she didn’t know too much about the blonde pilot, something in his past had made him guarded.

“You coming, Mar? Don’t have all night to wait on you.” She picked up her steps at her brothers words and joined the pair as they decided to walk back to base, dragging out the night before dealing with tomorrows problems.

***

Today was the day both the 100th and the fighters were headed out on the same mission. The morning started like every other flight day. Wake up, eat, brief, preflight checks, and take off. But it was the first time both Egan siblings were experiencing it together.

Marley had taken to eating with her brother and Buck when the group met in the mess hall. It was an easy habit she formed, basking in whatever familiarity she could get while being away from home. But today was different and the older Egan picked up on it immediately.

“Why is she sitting over there?” Buck glanced to the direction his friend was looking at and saw what he was talking about. They had both sat down to eat their breakfast and Marley was currently a few tables down, deep in conversation with her squadron.

“Maybe she didn’t want to deal with you this early in the morning.” The blonde knew it had something to do with her routine. Everyone had one on flight day, some call it superstitions. But seeing as this was their first flight together, most chances were they would not be a part of her morning.

“I’m gonna say something.” Bucky went to get up until his friend said, “Leave her be. You stress her out enough as it is.” John turned his attention back to the blonde, eyebrows raised. “And how would you know that?”

The two pilots had started to talk more the longer they were at the base. What started as small talk here and there has morphed into deeper conversations, entrusting the other with secrets they wouldn’t want to get out. It was almost therapeutic, the way they could drop the walls around each other. But neither were sure how the Major would feel about his best friend and little sister becoming more than casual friends.

So, instead of telling the truth, Buck shrugged his shoulders, “Common sense. The two of you seem to get under each other’s skin at times.”

The older Egan huffed and shook his head, “Have you met her? The kid needs to be on a leash or something.”

Buck smiled and shook his head at the comment, thinking the same could be said about him.

The 100th found themselves in the briefing room, going over their mission for the day. Bombing German U-boat pens in Norway with Major Cleven leading them was the hefty task that laid ahead. But after the happy demotion from air exec. a few days earlier, Major Egan found himself flying with his boys again.

Before, John Egan would only worry about one thing at a time. When his sister flew, he worried about her getting back in one piece while he waited at the airstrip for her return. When the 100th flew, his focus was on his men and the mission at hand. Wanting to make sure they made positive impacts in this war and living to talk about it.

But never did he have to worry about both at the same time.

Buck picked up on the nervousness of his friend next to him. The brunette couldn’t sit still, constantly fidgeting with his hands and knee bouncing. As much as it was getting on his nerves by drawing his attention away from the briefing, he didn’t have it in him to tell him to stop.

The blonde pilot didn’t want to admit it, but he had more nerves this mission than the one before. They all knew there was some form of air support for them on these flights, but there was never a reason to know the people behind them.

The briefing went faster than either pilot wanted, but soon they found themselves waking out to their planes. The buzz of excitement on mission days has slowly dwindled down to nearly nothing. It seemed only the new crews that were fresh out of training wanted to go up.

“First day back up and it better not be your last.” Buck threw the comment out to try and pull his friend out of his thoughts. He hadn’t said much since they left the briefing and knew it had to do with his sister.

“You won’t be able to get rid of me that easily.” Bucky gave him a smirk but turned his attention back to the airstrip. He wasn’t sure if the fighters were done with their meeting, but he needed to see his sister before they all took off.

“Does she know you’re headed back up there?” Bucky knew he should’ve told Marley about the well-earned demotion before today, but he didn’t want her focus to be off if she knew one of the planes she’d be protecting was his.

“Nah, I thought it would be a fun surprise sharing the skies.” Cleven shook his head and asked, “Just like the surprise of her being a pilot?” John went to answer back when he saw the familiar braided hair walking up to her plane. “I’m going to fucking kill her.”

Buck watched as he ran off towards the one person who was going to put his friend into an early grave with the decisions she was making.

Marley!” The girl turned at the call of her name. Her brother running towards her, a task she didn’t know he could do.

“We are about to set some damn ground rules.” Her eyebrows rose at the demand. “And why would we do that?” She had a good feeling she knew why but wanted him to confirm it.

“You can’t keep going on these missions without so much as a goodbye. I thought I raised you better than that.”

“John, you ever think there was a reason for that?” He stood there, waiting for an answer.

Marley sighed and looked down the runway of planes getting ready to take off. “A goodbye is something final. It’s accepting the fact that I might not make it back to say anything more. I guess leaving with things unfinished gave me a good reason to come back.”

Bucky didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t sure if it was the war or simply time that had matured his sister, but he didn’t like it.

“I need you to stop looking out for me. I’m a big boy and can handle it. But what I can’t handle is seeing you get into that plane and pretend like we aren’t in this god damn war together.” He watched as Marley looked back to him and then looked down.

“I really thought going to war together would be more fun than this.” Bucky snorted at her comment and pulled his sister into a hug. “It’ll be more fun when we make it out of this together.” He pulled back and Marley asked what he did all day when everyone was on a mission. This time it was his turn to avoid eye contact.

“Well, I used to sit around and make sure I could count high enough to be able to count the planes coming back in. But, uh, now I don’t have to do that anymore.”

Marley sighed as she put the pieces together, something that surprised John. He thought she would be more upset with him holding back information. “I thought it would just be Gale up there I’d have to look out for. But now I’ll try my hardest to watch out for you both.”

Before he could respond, one of the guys from his crew was yelling at him to get a move on. He turned back to his sister before he walked off and said, “Make it back in one piece, will ya. I don’t need Ma flying all the way out here to kill me. Doesn’t make for a good story going out like that in a war like this.” Marley laughed and got back to her preflight checks.

Footsteps were heard drawing near her as she looked at something under her plane. Figuring it was her brother she yelled out, “Last I checked, you know nothing about P-51’s, John, so you’re just going to get in the way. Hell, I’d be surprised if you even know much about your own plane.”

The chuckle she heard came from someone that was in fact not her brother. Marley popped her head out from under her plane and saw Major Cleven leaning against the wing.

“Ah, sorry about that Major. There is no doubt in my mind you are well versed in all thing’s bomber planes.” Buck couldn’t help but smile at the lopsided grin she gave him.

“I do know a thing or two. Can’t say much about your brother, though.” He glanced over her plane, seeing the bullet holes patched up from her last mission. “How are you feeling?” His eyes made his way back to hers and couldn’t help but notice something different in them.

“Will be more excited when this mission is over. But the plane looks good. They fixed her up better than I could’ve wished for.” He watched as she spun the little bit of hair from the end of her braid around her finger. Her voice was steady and posture strong. She was the picture of calm. But that little gesture showed him a new part of her that he would lock away for safe keeping. Marley was nervous just as her brother was and he hated that there wasn’t much he could do about it.

Planes were starting up and the blonde knew he needed to get back to his crew. “Stay safe up there, Mar.” He gave her shoulder a light squeeze and walked off.

“Hey Cleven.” He turned around at her voice. “Do me a favor and try not to get shot down.” He gave her a small salute, “Yes ma’am.”

It wasn’t much longer until Marley watched as the 100th started flying out. With her group being faster, they would take off a little later to allow for the best defensive strategy against the Luftwaffe fighter planes.

With it being their first mission together at the same base, she felt weird with how the timings were different. Watching the small dots in the sky disappear while she sat in her plane only made the nerves grow higher.

Marley wasn’t good at too many things, but flying was something she took pride in. She seemed to have a natural skill for it, as well as a passion. It was why she was able to pry her way into this war. While it was technically a job, she loved every bit of it and the freedom of flying in the wide-open skies. But sometimes that love faltered when she saw fellow pilots getting shot out of the sky.

It was turning into a normal occurrence, seeing the small P-51’s with fire coming off the back of them. Or the plane spiraling out of control, hoping that the reason was because the pilot bailed. The only thing Marley could do was pray neither of those things happened to her.

A flare went up, signaling it was their time to go. The plane sped down the runway right after a few of her fellow pilots, effortlessly making its way into the sky. It wouldn’t take long before the group caught up to the 100th, indicating the start of another harsh mission. It was an eerie feeling for Marley, flying headfirst into deadly dogfights without hesitation. Especially after the rising amount of enemy fighter’s last mission.

Just as the higher ups had planned, the P-51 fighters met up with the 100th as enemy pilots started their attack. Marley gripped the yoke of the plane tighter, trying to visualize the best path for her to take. The mix between the three different groups were starting to blend together, making it difficult for a clear route.

But as soon as she saw one of the B-17’s fall from the sky, instinct took over and she forced her way into the chaos.

As soon as the flak stopped around them, Buck knew the hardest part of the mission was upon them. The skies were unnaturally quiet, causing all the men to tense up. “Make sure all the guns are loaded. They will be here any second now.” Major Cleven tried to get his men ready as the inevitable was about to happen.

“Enemy fighters 3 o’clock!” One of the men yelled out, signaling the beginning of the uphill battle. Gale almost felt helpless, keeping the plane in the air as the men around him fought for all their lives. With as big of a formation as theirs was, there wasn’t much room for movement or evasion. He simply prayed they weren’t targeted, and that air support would be there soon.

“P-51’s just joined the fight!” Buck wanted to feel some relief but knowing that Marley was in that group made it challenging. At least the smaller planes would be able to escape fire if needed. He watched as the P-51’s skillfully weaved in and out of their group, making it look more like a dance than a dogfight.

“Anyone have eyes on Marley?” Buck looked around at the traffic in the sky but couldn’t see her. Not that it was easy to see much of anything with gunfire and smoke filling the air.

“They all look the same, Major. the only thing I can say for certain is how many get shot down.” Buck slightly shook his head at those words, not doing a damn thing to reassure him.

“Keep your eyes peeled. Try not to cause any friendly fire.” The last thing any of them needed was one of the bombers shooting down one of their own.

Buck’s grip on the controls never let up until they were past the drop site and on the safe part of the route back to base. Both sets of fighter pilots had since left, having completed their tasks as well as they could. But Buck couldn’t get his mind off the younger Egan.

He didn’t want to admit it, but more P-51’s had been shot down this time around than they had seen before. The enemy had upped their resources while their side seemed to have stuck to the same numbers. Statistically speaking, odds weren’t in their favor.

Buck shook his head at his thoughts. The war was already tough enough as it is, but Marley Egan was making things harder by having him worry about her well-being. How the hell he was supposed to make it to the end like this was something he wasn’t sure of. But what he did know was that his feelings for the female pilot were slowly growing and there was no way to stop them. If this war wasn’t going to be the death of him, she might as well be.

***

As the B-17's landed back at base, both Majors were looking for Marley. The only issue was the fighters had landed over an hour ago and they were currently being forced onto the back of a truck and into interrogation.

Bucky's eyes met his friend's, and it was clear neither one of them had gotten anywhere with finding her. "I counted six P-51's. But I can't tell which one is hers." John quickly looked over at the planes after the blonde had mentioned the numbers. "Shit."

The truck they were both in started moving away from the airstrip, leaving the two Majors more nervous than before the mission. Buck saw the hard look on his friends face and knew there wasn't much he could say to make things better. Four planes didn't come back, and they saw firsthand why.

Bucky kept replaying the mission over in his head. It had been a while since he'd been up on the observation flights, but today seemed worse out there than before. The numbers increased on every aspect. More Luftwaffe fighter planes, more planes falling from the sky, and ultimately more deaths. But was his sister part of those numbers?

Before this mission, Bucky didn't pay too much attention to anyone else in the sky besides his men and whatever enemy plane was trying to take them out. Today was different, having him watch the small P-5l's coming to their aid. The way they skillfully maneuvered in the sky made it look like a dance between the two different fighter groups. It almost made him proud knowing his sister was one of those skilled pilots. Almost.

Both Majors had to turn off any emotions surrounding the younger Egan as they walked into the interrogation room, making sure they covered every detail they could remember. The mission took a slight turn, having their navigator find a new path home to make sure Biddick landed safe and out of enemy territory. Another reason why it took longer for the group to get back.

Buck and his crew were done before his friend, giving him the chance to find out what happened to their counterparts. Knowing there was a chance he was going to have to act as the levelheaded one if something had happened to Marley. His first thought was to check medical, hoping if she was in there it was for something minor.

Betty was in there, refilling some supplies when she saw Major Cleven walk through the door. The usual stoic pilot had a sense of urgency today and she had a good feeling she knew why. She watched as his eyes passed over all the beds trying to figure out if he looked relieved or worried. "How can I help you, Major?"

His eyes moved from the beds to the blonde nurse walking towards him. "You haven't seen Captain Egan, have you?" Betty shook her head, "Captain Sutton would be the one to ask. We haven't heard much from their group."

Buck knew what meant. When a P-51 gets shot down or a pilot was hurt, most chances where they never made it in here. He let out a deep breath and thanked her. The mess hall would be his next stop to see if any of the other fighters were there. "Major! When you hear something, could you let me know? Usually, she comes by to show me she's okay, but I haven't seen her yet."

His heart nearly stopped when he took in those words. Four planes never made it back and the pilot didn't make it by to see her friend. It was too early in this war for something to happen to her. All he could do was nod his head as he walked out.

Luck continued to run out as Bucky jogged towards him. He could see the worry on his face and knew what he was about to tell him wouldn't ease that. "Not in medical. Betty said to ask Sutton what happened."

Bucky ran a hand through his hair and shook his head, "Fuck. I don't like this. She never should've followed me out here."

There wasn't much he could say to calm his friend. They were both out there. They saw what it was like in the air and knew it took a whole lot of skill and luck to make it out of it alive.

The pair made their way to the mess hall and saw a few men scattered about. Usually after a mission everyone went straight to drinking, most not having a stomach for food after what they had been through or seen. Which made it easy to spot the other captain sitting with what they assumed was the remaining pilots from their group.

John moved at a fast pace when he clocked the man he needed, forcing Buck to nearly jog after him.

"Tell me she isn't dead. Tell me you aren't sitting here eating as her plane is in the ground somewhere." His tone came out sharp, clearly looking to take his frustrations out on anyone he could.

Captain Sutton already knew the oldest Egan would be coming to find him. And from the few interactions they've had together, he knew not to take things too personal. So, when they words flew out of the Major's mouth, Sutton took a sip of his coffee and calmly turned to him.

"Had a little mishap. Should be flying back soon from another base in England."

John had a sense of relief hearing she wasn't a POW or worse, but after being wound up tight since they landed, it wasn't enough to settle him down. "What kind of mishap? Is she hurt?"

Sutton shook his head, "All I was told is that she had engine problems and wasn't going to make it back here. They gave her new coordinates and orders to fly back when the plane was fixed. You can stand there and berate me as much as you want, but that is all the information I have."

John ran a hand through his hair as Bucky thanked him for the update. They both knew this was the best-case scenario, but until she physically landed back at base, there was still an ounce of doubt.

Sutton watched as the two Majors processed that information, seeing them both still tense. It wasn't lost on anyone that Marley had become someone important to Major Cleven. The two of them seemed to click instantly, whether it was as friends or more. Which is why he decided to add, "Marley is one of the best pilots I've seen. She's levelheaded and has some crazy talent. There is a reason why she broke down so many barriers and became an active female fighter pilot. I know it's hard but have some faith in her. If there is any one of us that is going to make it to the end of this war, it's her."

The two Majors nodded their heads and thanked him. John turned to walk out the mess hall without another word, but Gale stayed behind for a minute. "How bad was it up there for you guys?"

Sutton let out a deep breath. "The more we go up, the worse it seems. Not too sure what the higher ups have planned, but something needs to change. We are losing too many good people."

Gale could only nod his head. What he said was true for both sides. Too many planes kept falling and he wondered when they would run out of replacements. "We are going out tonight if you want to join. Try and get our minds off today."

The captain gave him a quick nod and Buck left to go find his friend.

***

The day dragged on and soon the sun was setting along the horizon. No one had heard a thing about Marley, but they held onto hope that she would be landing soon. For once, Bucky had to drag the oldest Egan out to where the 100th was drinking.

It was an eerie sight, seeing the lone jeep next to an empty runway. A few people had tried to coax the Major into coming in, but he wasn't having it. Buck could only pray nothing happened to Marley during this war. Because if this was how John reacted to the delayed arrival, he could only imagine what a loss would do to him.

"She's coming back. You sitting here waiting is not going to speed that up." Buck watched as his friend shook his head, "Not in a partying mood, Buck."

"No one said anything about partying. Just a drink or two while we pass the time. You know she is going to be pissed if she sees you out here while everyone else is inside." He watched as John slowly nodded his head.

"Fine. But I'm coming out here every hour to see if she's landed. Knowing her, she's going to head straight to bed without letting us know she's back." Buck knew he had a point. With her track record of running off without so much as a glance, it wouldn't surprise him to see her plane sitting there in the morning without a heads up.

John started the jeep up and went to drive off until he heard the sound of a plane in the distance. The pair stood up and watched in silence as a P-51 made their decent to the runway. Neither moved until it shut off and the familiar braid popped up when getting out of the cockpit.

"Thank god." Was heard as a near whisper from Major Egan as he watched her climb down with zero assistance.

Marley greeted the two Majors with a smile. "Fancy seeing you here this late at night. Almost makes me wonder if you've been sulking out here all day."

Bucky scoffed but the blond had to cough to cover up a laugh. "What happened Marley?" She continued to walk towards them, taking her flight jacket off. "I'm good. Thanks for asking."

She didn't miss the eye roll her brother gave her but shrugged it off. "Can we walk to the mess hall? I haven't eaten since this morning." The two nodded their heads and the trio started walking.

"As you both know it was a complete shit show up there. It was like we would shoot one down and three more came at us. It didn't really seem like we were making much of a difference with how many enemy fighters were up there." She ran a shaky hand through her hair. Something Buck picked up on but knew her brother missed it. Today shook her up more than she was letting on.

"Out of nowhere, the side of my plane was sprayed. Luckily it was near the end, and I was able to steady it out without having to eject. I was given new coordinates to a closer base and landed right outside of the runway. Took them nearly all day to fix up the plane but got interrogation out of the way there at least. Now I'm here."

They walked into the mess hall, the two boys trailing her as she grabbed a few things to eat. Neither spoke a word until they sat down, occupying the only table in the building.

"How are you, Mar?" Gale knew her brother was still processing things and tried to get some more information out of her.

She took a bite of an apple, buying herself time to formulate an answer. She'd be lying if she said today didn't shake her up. Feeling the bullets hit the plane and then watching as she slowly lost control of it, was enough to give her nightmares. But she couldn't tell her brother that. It was clear as day he worried enough about her as it is.

So, instead she swallowed the piece of apple and shrugged her shoulders. "It sucked taking this long to get back. And the guys there were not nearly as welcoming as the ones here. But it sure beats becoming a POW."

Buck knew that answer was brushing over how she really felt. But what he wasn't expecting was her brother to also pick up on it.

"Want to give me the real answer and not the bullshit one?"

Marley's eyes snapped up to her brother's, clearly surprised at his question. She looked down and bit her lip. Confidence fading.

"I can't help you if you don't tell me what's going on." John's voice had a bite to it, and Buck knew she wasn't going to respond well to it. They were more similar than they each believed.

"I never asked for your damn help, John." She stood up causing her brother to do the same.

"Sit your ass back down. We aren't done talking." The eye roll she gave him back only caused things to escalate.

"I say we are." She started walking away, making her brother follow. Buck quickly jumped in between the two and gently pushed the oldest Egan back. "Not now. Give her time to recover from today. She just got back."

John didn't put up much of a fight. As much as he wanted to push the issue of his sister keeping things from him, Buck was right. Today was hard on everyone, but they've had hours to recover. She had been back for less than thirty minutes.

They heard the door of the mess hall shut and gone was the youngest Egan.

"I need a damn drink." Buck gave John a single nod and the two of them went the opposite way of Marley.

***

Marley had quickly showered, taking advantage that the girls were out with everyone else. It didn't take long to wash off the day and put on more casual clothes. She toyed with the idea of meeting everyone out, but the interaction with her brother had her cautious. It was a long ass day, and her fuse was already short. She didn't think getting into a fight in front of everyone would be good for either of them.

But she knew she needed to see her team, or what's left of it, and Betty. Today was hell for everyone and she needed to remember that. So, she put some shoes on and started the long walk to the Officers Mess.

The air was nice and crisp, almost considered cold. Marley forgot to bring a jacket, but the chilly breeze was a nice reminder that she was in fact still in once piece and back in her temporary home.

Today was a brutal reminder that getting close to people out here was dangerous. Marley considered it a wakeup call, knowing she needed to start putting some distance between her and the blond Major. While things hadn't progressed beyond a friend stage, she knew that giving it more time could potentially cause heartbreak. He was someone she could see herself falling for, but war was a selfish thing. War would take anyone and everyone from you without any remorse. Only fools would hold onto hope out here.

Before Marley could reach her destination, sirens went off, signaling a possible air raid. It was one of the last sounds she heard when fleeing from her original base not too long ago. Men ran from buildings, seeking shelter in the bunkers they had throughout the base. But Marley could see the smoke in the distance, and knew they weren't in any danger.

Captain Sutton saw Marley and let out a sigh of relief. When he saw Major Egan chugging his drink earlier, he assumed she was back but didn't know in what shape. Seeing her walk on her own was a promising sign.

"Reminds me of old times." Marley turned her head and saw Sparks walking up to her. A smile crossed her face, and she gave him a quick hug. "Glad to see you made it back. I heard we lost more this time around."

All he did was nod his head, not wanting to talk about the friends they continued to lose. "You make it back okay?" She gave him the same nod in return. Neither pushing the other for more.

The two Majors were rushing outside with the rest, praying nothing would happen to their base. But as they reached the bunker, they noticed none of the fighter pilots had made their way to the bunkers.

"The hell you doin', Mar? Get down here." Marley shook her head at her brothers demand and sat on the ground outside looking out at the sky. "Too far for us to be hit."

Bucky made eye contact with his friend, neither knowing what to do. It wasn't often air raids happened this close to base, but they sounded an alarm for a reason.

"Marlene, I swear to god if you made it back just to get taken out by an air raid we had warning about, I will bring you back from the dead and kill you myself." Sparks chuckled as he sat down next to his friend. "Overprotective much."

Marley sighed and nodded her head, "You have no idea." She looked over her shoulder and saw both Majors attention on her. "We got these all the time before we were actually hit. Trust me, this one is too far to do any damage. Think of it as fourth of July and some really expensive fireworks are going off."

Buck hated the way his heart clenched at her explanation. He watched as she laughed with her friend next to her, not having a care in the world while the rest of them held onto a small shred of fear at what was happening in the distance.

"She's lost it. That's the only explanation I have for it." Bucky looked on as his sister was lounging in the grass, watching the bombs go off as it was some sort of show.

"Leave her be. She's happy." Bucky turned his attention to his friend after that statement. There was a moment of silence before John said, "Just promise me you'll look after her."

Gale looked at his friend confused, "What are you talking about?"

John looked back over to his sister, small smile on his face as he saw her throw her head back and laugh. "As much as she thinks I don't see things, I do. So, do me a favor and don't hurt her. She's been through too much already."

Instead of arguing that there was nothing goin on between then, Gale shrugged his jacket off. "Marley!" Her head turned at the sound of her name being called. Buck tossed her his jacket and she caught it with ease. "It's too cold out here without it." She slipped the warm jacket on and thanked him. He answered back with a wink, not missing the way her cheeks had a tint of pink to them.

War might be ruthless and hope was a foolish thing, but love always manages to overpower, making you feel invincible.

A/N: Thoughts? Thank you for reading!!

Tag list: @probabydeadbynow

#masters of the air #john bucky egan #john egan #gale buck cleven #gale cleven x reader #gale cleven #mota #mota fanfic #buck cleven #bucky egan #chelseawrites

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neos-schlond-poofa · 8 months

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Resident Lover x Ethel Cain I

Which song fits each RL Character the best, and why? Only featuring songs from Preacher's Daughter; any other Ethel Cain albums and EPs will be in another post if I feel like it. And also, you don't need to know any Ethel Cain lore to get this post.

BELA DIMITRESCU: Sun Bleached Flies

Listening to the choir, so heartfelt, all singing God loves you, but not enough to save you

A song about one making peace with their fate; not so fitting for Bela, is it? The one love interest who never stops fighting for MC?

But what if the she's accepted that her fate is fight for MC. Her fate is to always be there for them, even when the universe tries to tear them apart, even when everything is utterly terrible. And all throughout the song, it is clear that what Ethel wants is just her lover back, just as Bela hopes to have a wonderful life with MC without the fear of Miranda ruining it all.

I'm still praying for that house in Nebraska By the highway, out on the edge of town

CASSANDRA DIMITRESCU: Gibson Girl

You wanna love me right now You wanna get alone with me

Arguably the hardest character to assign a song to, Cassandra is the Gibson Girl not due to the specific lyrical nature of the song, but the interpretation others have from it when listening to it without knowing its full story.

Those who don't know the story of Preacher's Daughter just believe this is a song about being hot and sexy and getting around. Just as some believe that is all there is to Cassandra. But truthfully, Gibson Girl is a dark song hidden behind the sound, with so much more to be read into than just "this song makes me feel so good." And like the song, there is so much more to Cass than just her looks and her relationships... she's her own character going through her own things who doesn't just want these small flings, she wants a relationship, she wants someone to love her.

Then I would show you something You can never have

DANIELA DIMITRESCU: Strangers

I tried to be good Am I no good?

The forgotten sister who just wants to the best version of herself as she can. The one who wants to please everyone even when she doesn't know how to. The one who has so much expectations put onto her.

This song, similar to Cassandra's, is a bit of a stretch, but I'm not basing it directly off the story, am I? Dani is Strangers as even in her darkest moments, she cares for others, even the ones who haven't been the best to her or the ones she has complex relationships with. It's as simple as that.

Found you just to tell you that I made it real far And that I never blamed you for loving me the way that you did

ALCINA DIMITRESCU: Televangelism

You see, this is hard, because there are no lyrics, so it really messes up the layout. However, I don't need lyrics for this. This song is all about Ethel's journey to the afterlife and her acceptance of such. And for Alcina, is appears she has just accepted her life to being one of Miranda's tools for getting MC back. She barely fights for herself or her daughters unless the player pushes for it.

ANGIE BENEVIENTO: American Teenager

Head full of whiskey but I always deliver Jesus, if you're listening let me handle my liquor

I promise I didn't just pick this song because of its mentions of alcohol. But Angie, out of all the members of the cast, is the most similar to American Teenager, even if she isn't American. Angie wants to have fun, she lives an idealized life where she parties every day and has little to worry about. Out of all the songs on the album, this is the happiest sounding one, but just like Angie, there are somber undertones to it.

Angie's life really isn't ideal. She's a doll. She can't go anywhere far or she will basically die in a weird, non-permanent way. Her life isn't all that great, and neither is the place that she lives in. Just as Ethel grew up with an amazing view of the world, only to realize it's not great and had been glamorized.

It's just not my year But I'm all good out here

DONNA BENEVIENTO: House in Nebraska

We had nothing except each other You were my whole world

A torch song. Fitting for Donna, who has gone through multiple timelines where her love is unrequited after a previous one where she experienced the happiest moments of her life.

At the core of this song is truly a sense of longing. Ethel misses her lover who left her before the events of the album. Time has passed, yet she can not accept that he is gone. As for Donna, years could have passed since her time with yet MC, yet she still loves them. She almost always remembers what they had and what they didn't. The pain both of them went through, but the love they still had for each other afterwards. The nights they had in the flower shop and the mornings they had waking each other up with kisses. And yet, it's gone. And Donna will never truly have that back due to the loop. She will never have her love. The person that helped her with her mental health and allowed for her to become an even braver person than she ever would've been before.

She's alone without MC. She has Angie, of course, but that's her niece. As for the Dimitrescu sisters, she isn't that close to them as she is with Angie, and Bela, with whom Donna has the closest relationship with out of them, will forever lose her trust in Donna. Alcina and Miranda aren't that great figures in her life either; MC was her light, and it was taken away from her. She understands she doesn't own MC, but she still wants them. She loves them so much and hates the thought of them being gone. But ultimately, she has to accept that there is no happy ending with MC.

But God, I just hope you're doing fine out there I just pray that you're all right

MOTHER MIRANDA: Ptolemaea

Heard you, saw you, felt you, gave you Need you, love you, love you, love you

Miranda is not a good person. In this case, she is not Ethel in the song. Ethel can easily be viewed as any other character in the game. Instead, Miranda is the haunting voice of Ethel's murderer. And while Miranda does not murder everyone in the game, she does ruin their lives for her own sake.

Miranda is the figure that harms everyone else. She manipulates them and makes sure none of them gets their happy ending with MC. She owns MC and she loves the idea of having a relationship with MC. Miranda has done so many terrible things just to have MC, who will truly never be in a happy relationship with Miranda. MC had no choice in what would happen to them, they have no choice in being in a relationship with Miranda, as even though they "choose" Miranda in her route, that is only after countless resets by Miranda to get MC for herself.

Run then, child You can't hide from me forever

MIA WINTERS: August Underground

Another song that ruins the layout. Mia might seem a bit of an odd choice to be included, but she is just as important as the other characters. However, that doesn't mean I have a good reasoning for her being this song. It's just an ominous, creepy song that matches up with Mia being crazy.

MC: Thoroughfare

And you said, "Hey, do you wanna see the west with me? 'Cause love's out there and I can't leave it be"

A long song dedicated to Ethel falling love with her ultimately doomed lover. What could be more fitting for MC? After all, to be loved by MC is to be doomed by the narrative. And that includes for MC.

MC will have the most passionate romances imaginable, but they mean nothing. They will always be taken away from them or end terribly, such as being murdered by their lover or watching them just leave for someone else. MC never even intends to fall in love, just as Ethel didn't mean to fall in love here, but they both did. And it seemed so amazing for the both of them. Just a wonderful moment of bliss that didn't last long.

'Cause in your pickup truck with all of your dumb luck Is the only place I think I'd ever wanna be

#resident lover #resident evil #resident evil village #re8 #bela dimitrescu #mother miranda #cassandra dimitrescu #fuck cassandra dimitrescu #fcd club #daniela dimitrescu #angie beneviento #donna beneviento #alcina dimitrescu #re8 alcina #lady dimitrescu #ethel cain #rl fandom please have some ethel stans #ignore the donna bias she just fit the best too

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micamicster · 3 months

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Micaaaaaa I am in need of a good TV show. IWTV left me craving for some good writing, please help 💙 I know some of your all-time favourites are Black Sails and The Wire, I gave them a try, but I'm afraid they're a bit too bleak for me :(( Any good recs?

Bestie this is a great question and im honestly a terrible person to direct it to because the truth is I really don't watch a ton of tv! But I'm gonna do my best!

Beneath the cut find a list of shows I think are particularly well written, divided into vague and confusing categories based on how similar to iwtv they might seem?

<3 <3 <3

(Totally get Black Sails and the Wire feeling too heavy. The wire in particular is imo the single most upsetting thing thats ever been put on television so I completely get not being up for it. But if anyone else is looking for shows I think are really well written those would be good places to start! Black Sails would be my first rec for iwtv fans tbh)

Dramas with syfy/fantasy elements:

Russian Doll: for literally anyone other than you (who's already watched it!) this would be my number one rec. One of the best (and specifically best written) shows of all time, has those spec fic surrealist elements, combines comedy and drama, just love it.

Andor: I know, I was surprised too. But despite being a star wars tv show it actually has writers that do a? good? job? And Diego Luna is spectacular. (If black sails was too grim this might also feel that way given our knowledge of the main character's fate, but it might be worth checking out anyway)

I forgot what i was going to put here

Not sf:

Reservation Dogs: Taika Watiti can be hit or miss for me, but this show is the best of his particular combination of humor and pathos. Also he's just really good at writing kids? (I would be remiss if I didn't point out that he has been (rightfully!) criticized for the antiblackness of couple of minor characters who appropriate black culture pretty egregiously, iirc they don't feature after season 1? But it is a flaw to be aware of). Why didn't I put this with the sitcoms? My mind is mysterious even to me

Bad Sisters: great 1 season irish show about a group of sisters trying to murder their sister's abusive husband. Again a really strong writing combo of humor and genuine emotion!

The Get Down: still not over this cancellation it hurt me in ways I can't even begin to explain... anyway a great show about the birth of rap in 70s nyc with beautifully thought out costumes, music, writing, visual style <3

The Americans: two russian spys undercover as an american suburban couple in the 80s is actually a vehicle for a probing exploration of marriage and intimacy. Also pretty grim (the cold war. yeah.) so idk if it would be for you.

The Knick: nobody ever watches this when I rec it because it's too gorey but I don't care! I love it! Period drama about a public hospital in early 1900s new york.

Sitcoms!: (sorry I know you've watched half of these just wanted to include them in case anyone else looked at this list!)

Derry Girls: this show is just hit after hit. Best written show about teens in the world!

We Are Lady Parts: See this entire blog. Genuinely one of the best shows ever made

American Vandal: Ok technically this is more of a mockumentary than a sitcom but i wasn't sure where else to put it. Season one in particular is some of the best tv show writing I've ever watched it is perfect in every way!

MASH: 70s sitcom about a US military field hospital during the Korean War. At its best it's hysterically funny, absurdist, and bitingly furiously anti-war. (At its worst it's racist, sexist, and boring. It was the 70s) This show was a cultural phenomenon, but it has literally over 200 episodes so I would recommend just googling for a best-of list and watching a handful to see if it works for you.

Atlanta: Donald Glover's surrealist sitcom about trying to manage his cousin's rap career in Atlanta. That's such a bad explanation of what this show is about i'm sorry but I'm not sure how to do better.

Shows I've watched between 1 episode and 1 season of, thought to myself "wow! this show is amazing!" but can't in good conscience recommend because I never really watched enough of them to qualify as an expert:

The Sopranos: everyone says it's the best tv show of all time and i watched season one, said wow they're right! and still haven't managed to get back to it! The pilot itself is so fucking funny like... mobster goes to therapy for his anxiety had to have been the pitch of all time

Station eleven: LOVED the book, heard really good things about the tv show, thought the pilot was amazing, got busy and couldn't finish it.

Babylon Berlin: this has the darkly romantic, opulent qualities of iwtv so it might be for you! Unfortunately I've seen less than half of it so I can't promise it doesn't go off the rails.

Breaking Bad: people are right! it's good! It's also (at least in season one, the only season I've watched so far) like someone made a slapstick comedy about a man cooking meth. In a good way!

You might want to just watch a couple gothic romances to scratch that iwtv itch! Check out an adaptation of Jane Eyre or Wuthering Heights!

WOW this is too hard. Just watch supernatural i guess

#i know im gonna post this and think of like 10 more lmao #NO idea if any of this is what you're looking for it is completely incoherent as a list #also i didn't even include any kdramas!#also best written list is different from faves list. or even best tv shows list. i think all of these shows have stand out writing specific #but who knows #like i said. incoherent <3

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sweethousewife · 14 days

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soemthing I took note of the American Girl doll community is when they talk about wishing GOTY dolls were more limited like they used to be.

To me this tells me you collect just for the rare impact a doll will have and quite possibly be worth more the fewer they make.

I think it's a selfish thing to wish, instead of being satisfied with the doll itself, you're getting upset that more will have time to purchase one too??

It's almost just giving away a re-seller's POV.

I collect the dolls I find adorable, or I think my own daughter can relate to. I don't care how long they stay on shelves, In fact having them around longer than a year gives everyone the sense they don't have to feel the anxiety rushing does to a collector.

#american girl doll #doll community #dolls #dollcore #collecting dolls #agblr #ag #ag doll #cute #toys #mattel #goty #girl of the year doll #american girl doll brand #american girl #american girl dolls

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dollie219 · 4 months

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so when I posted the Decora Girlz I forgot to make a post about the other thing I'd bought, so here we go:

On top of the 2 dolls I also bought a My Life As doll outfit.

I don't have an MLA doll I have an American Girl doll, but from my research they fit the clothes pretty nicely (things like MLA flip flops not so much apparently). I haven't really gotten into American girl or other 18 inch doll stuff due to the prices and space you'd need (the space I have being rather limited, again my doll table being considered "too much" but that's more due to the carpet needing redone rather than the space actually being too much) so besides clothes for the doll I got back in 2014 I'm not really going any further for her. (Info on doll under cut, but no more photos.)

I also only got this cute outfit cause it's care bears (my oldest hyperfixation next to 101 dalmations) and I want to keep my doll as long as possible. She's in storage rn but I wanted to have a new outfit roughly her size for when I finally pulled her out. Also before anyone asks she's a "looks like you" doll (or whatever name they had in 2014). I got her in the mall of America store (no longer there its m&ms store now) after having a serious surgery as a lil treat for myself (I begged my mom to get me one, the one I wanted was discontinued, we found the number that looked the most like me before surgery and got her on our way home after being in the hospital for like 2 weeks). She's a mini me and so to keep the mini me aspect I thought having this care bears outfit with the handmade baby bed I have from someone that has care bear designs burned into the wood would be nice. :3

Anyways past any other outfits I feel the "need" to get her I'll probably not post on this or my main about her again. Also unless I see a MLA doll I desperately want or is super cheap I probably won't get another one either. My sis got an our generation doll the same time I got her, but she's gotten rid of hers and I'm just gonna vibe with mine.

#dollblr #doll collector #my life as doll #american girl #18 inch dolls

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granvarones · 1 year

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The first time I heard the euro-pop sensation Aqua’s Barbie Girl was in the summer of 1997, at a party We The People organized in Clementon Park, New Jersey. The DJ was mixing bona fide house hits with contemporary jams. I remember this so vividly because I watched someone do “hand performance” to the song that was a newly minted hit. This was also one of those moments that I definitely knew I was gay because I felt like Barbie Girl was composed for LGBTQ folks; not sure how I came to that conclusion, but it just felt gay. I was 13 years old, journeying through puberty and trying to understand myself, but I recognized the subtle ways queer culture could be found in pop music. And now, more than 25 years since I first heard Barbie Girl, it remains a song that resonates and reminds me of what is remembered, who has gone, and the richness of their lives.

We The People was an AIDS service organization in Philadelphia, serving the most vulnerable HIV positive community, and my mother Melody E. Beverly worked there. Most of the organization’s service population was Black and brown people, people who inject drugs, and housing-insecure people with an AIDS diagnosis. It had a brick-and-mortar building at the corner of Broad and Lombard Street. Now a Taqueria with its own controversial history, at the end of the 1990s, it held precious work of caring for the community, with housing units atop, with an industrial-style kitchen. I remember this because I loved volunteering with building residents, preparing and cooking meals. I also had a thing for the biscuits that were often there.

On a hot day in the summer of ‘97, my mother and I arrived to begin boarding a bus to head over to the party at Clementon Park, which also included barbeque. While waiting to board the bus, I overheard Curtis speaking to a Black man who seemed exhausted if he had been taking AZT. This was a year after HAART was established as a standard for HIV care, and people were taking what we now know to be toxic medicine to manage their HIV. The introduction of highly active antiretroviral therapy, or combination therapy, would mean that people who had been living with HIV could live longer lives. I always think about that moment of Curtis checking in with a community member about his health when navigating my own care. I still appreciate the way it was normalized as a communal approach to medicine adherence. Curtis was my mother’s supervisor. He was a charismatic Black gay man with a bald head. Curtis was the sweetest and most sincere person. He was also a drag performer, I had seen him perform for a holiday party and was in awe of him.

youtube

Aqua, a Danish musical group, released their single Barbie Girl in April 1997, from their debut album Aquarium that was released in March of the same year. The track has a synth-pop-house vibe to it, with bubblegum vocals from lead singer Lene, who plays Barbie in the music video for the song. René, another band member, plays Ken, in a campy and hilarious capture of a Barbie world; it does a beautiful job of both bringing humanity to a plastic doll and making the cringey nature of American consumerism visible in a funny way. This is ironic, because during a 2017 interview for Nylon Lene disclaims its politics and sexist overtones by stating that “it was kind of making fun of the Pamela Anderson kind-of girl” and says the song is “super-innocent.” To me, Barbie Girl now appears to be making a statement about bodily autonomy and misogyny. With the incessant lyric, “I’m a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world.” This song makes me think about people who lived with HIV, like Curtis, who were living full and flourishing lives at a tender and promising point in the ongoing AIDS crisis.

Barbie Girl topped global charts and was part of a musical era that included the resurgence of unapologetic bubblegum pop music, led in part by the Spice Girls’ Wannabe, a year earlier. Barbie Girl peaked at number 7 on the US Billboard Hot 100.

youtube

Now the song has a new life in the context of Barbie, the anticipated movie featuring Margot Robbie as the title character original Barbie. Barbie World, a rap track by Nicki Minaj & Ice Spice for the Barbie soundtrack, samples Barbie Girl in a perfect way. I’m most certain Barbie Girl will have a second life on TikTok and a new generation will be embraced by the gummy-gayness of late nineties music, and remember that there were people who existed then, plagued by an epidemic that rendered their stories untold. They too are Barbie Girls, even in their afterworlds, they paved the way for us to live fantastically in the skin we’re in.

Signed, a Barbie Girl from the nineties.

I’m always yours Xx

Abdul-Aily Muhammad ( @mxabdulaliy )

They/Them/Thiers

gran varones Mentor

Philadelphia, PA

#granvarones #gay #queer #storytelling #lgbtqia #non binary #barbie #barbie girl #songs that soundtracked the aids epidemic #Youtube

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loudestcloud · 10 months

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The thought doesn't count if you don't fucking care!

So basically, A TikToker was doing an angel tree gift kid and ordered online and I was, in a nicer way, like thank fuck someone used the internet to get all the kid wanted instead of just going 'I couldn't find it so they don't get that item that they specifically needed like a coat' and she replied with basically 'Oh at least they tried, we should just be encouraging ppl to care, its the thought that counts blah blah' NOT ITS NOT, Its fucking not! and I can tell you cos I know! I hated pink as a kid but because I was a girl, I always got the girls stockings when I needed them (I'm from the UK/we never got enough help to get onto custom lists like that) and it was all pink glittery shit and skin care stuff. The year I got a box from my school, ppl that knew me? Still pink girly shit and products I can't use, It ruined my Christmas each fucking year because I hated all that shit and thought about the other girls who didn't get one but would have loved it! Making me more sad and I'd just have to donate almost all my stocking fillers to a different place. We eventually stopped using services like that because we decided it wasn't working at all for us so just went to the food places when we needed help. I just wanted the cheap plastic cars and maybe some glue sticks and my teachers and classmates knew that, even a pink car would have been nice! My favourite child toys were a purple Barbie car and a pink thunderbirds car, you can combo girly with my interests as a kid but no one ever did, I was more excited about having the canned foods and trying new brands I'd never seen before. Also I never got a jumper in a single one? All these American kids getting coats, It was only last year that i had a stocking with a hat and gloves like damm. Anyway-

It's like when ppl said we as a society need to stop getting art kids the cheap shitty art sets that will dry out and snap in a week, that's not a thought that counts, they're gonna have ONE good day then have a break down over how they think they did something wrong to the kit when actually it was just a shitty gift. Like yes, if this is a 4 year old maybe get them that horrible thing to test the waters so you can find out what they like but art kids still get them into their 20s! If your kid is older than 4, they will have a preference in art medium. Get the kid that paints some nice paints, better if you know what type they like but even paint they don't like is still better than that shit. Get the drawing kid, wait for it, pencils! Whoa! So new! Care about your fucking kid. They can always tell.

It is not. The thought. That counts.

Edit: Actually, I'm not done. Angel trees this year have been pissing me off because, okay so this one TikToker picked a little boy asked for Bluey stuff and she got him really cool bluey stuff because it was very clear that he'd like that because the note said that. Her girl? They girl card she picked up? Just said anime. Just fuckin anime! No show, no genre, no manga NOTHING! Just anime! Imagine if Bluey boy just said Dogs or cartoons. Someone could get a fuckin Monster high doll for him, that's what it'd be like for these anime kids! This girl liked unicorns and make up so I'd assume maybe she's into magical girls but i understand why the TikToker chose this nice BNHA book because BNHA is popular and, ngl it was probably the only thing available in store but again thats why online is a thing. No shade to this lady tho, she didn't a good job. But another person got another girl who just said anime and FNAF. So y'all can write FNAF, but not a single anime name? Because she had FNAF, they got her a demon slayer color book, they did check the pages for age appropriate stuff before tho. But like we are just assuming these kids are into the popular, boy fighting stuff when they might not be and it sucks cos imagine getting a gift of an anime you actually hate, like I hate Demon slayer but love FNAF, it is a safe choice and a good one like sge replied to be about and i was like 100% the best guess... But why are we having to guess on these personalized fuckin hand made lists! Bluey kid didn't have that! The gamer kids don't get that! fuck these poor girls I guess, girls never need shit apparently! Take what you get you piss poor kids and be grateful it's something 🤪 fuck off

#rant #angel tree #christmas #winter #donations #charity #stocking filler

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popculturelib · 1 year

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Fanzine Friday #8: But a Paper Dress no. 3 (1990s) by an unknown author.

We don't have many fanzines that talk about Barbie; in fact, we could only find this one issue. But a Paper Dress (BPD) is a zine that talks about quite a few things, most of them related to punk rock and music. But there are two pages sharing what people think about Barbie as a cultural phenomenon -- though they're a bit of a different take on Barbie than what we've seen earlier this week. What do you think about Barbie (and Ken)?

Transcripts below the read more.

The Browne Popular Culture Library (BPCL), founded in 1969, is the most comprehensive archive of its kind in the United States. Our focus and mission is to acquire and preserve research materials on American Popular Culture (post 1876) for curricular and research use. Visit our website at https://www.bgsu.edu/library/pcl.html.

Text from the cover, read top to bottom:

Interviews with:

Mark Amft from Drink Me

Chocolate USA

R. Seth Friedman of FACTSHEETS

And Julie Ann Klausner?

Barbie: The quintessential icon of popular culture, or just another prick tease?

Eat My Shit, MTV boy

The Lost Art of Female Masturbation: A "How-To" guide of sorts

[around the central figure's halo] Sing a Song of Loyalty / Wearing But a Paper Dress - Brian P. De[illegible]

John Henry. Pleased to meet you.

Welcome to the mesmerising queasiness of our brother zine, The Strobetongue Files

And more BPD punk rock rubbish

live from the bowls of Hell! Special Monkees Issue

Text from the pages about Barbie, titled "Cowgirl on Wednesday"

Speculations on Sexist America's favorite pop icon. Names have been omitted for reasons of anonymity. [heart]

As a little girl I used to stand in front of my mirror naked, and compare Barbie's body to my own. I would compare our breasts, hips, tummy, and how far apart our thighs were. I would evaluate how I could change to look more like Her.

If you've ever taken off a Barbie Doll's hear you'd have seen a freakishly long neck, and at the top a kind of tan saucer connected to the body by a plastic ball. The saucer is mobile, and the ball will swivel around its "axis" so that Barbie will be able to move her pretty head to look up at the sky, over her shoulder to smile at something behind her, or just to nod. My friend Chris collects Barbie Doll heads, but I find the saucer-ball part much more fascinating. Keep in mind that without this golden choking hazard, Barbie's head would have to have to be secured in place only by being shoved down directly above her shoulders. This technique tends to make the doll resemble Barbie's heavier and less attractive cousin, White Trash Skipper. (Trailer Park and rifle sold separately)

I used to love Barbie dolls when I was little. I would imagine going to huge parties with my best friend Barbie by my side, and how we would make our grand entrance in extravagant pink gowns. Come to think of it, and the time she was my only friend...

When you lift up a Barbie Doll's arm you can see that her armpit is like a 3 dimensional sphere. I thought armpits were supposed to be concave.

[next page]

When I first heard about that GI Joe/Barbie voice box mix-up on television I thought I was going to split a side. What a great prank!

Maxie. Maxie could never wear Barbie's clothes. She could fit into them all right but she couldn't fill them out properly - especially with those straight arms. Man, Barbie could wear lime green spandex like no one else.

I remember that Ken's genitalia consisted of either flesh-colored briefs or a vague, androgynous "hump" kind of a shape that may have suggested a sort of phallus to the girls that cared. (myself included)

Every Barbie doll looks completely different - and it's not just the hairstyle or eye color either. I know they're made from cookie cutters, but I could never get rid of the feeling that each doll had an entirely unique identity. And I didn't name any of them "Barbie."

Barbie never menstruated. Barbie looks great under fluorescent lighting, and thin when she wears horizontal stripes. Barbie could be a rocket scientist on Tuesday, a [illegible] on Wednesday, a nurse on Thursday, Miss America on Friday, and still have time to run with the Rockers in time for their huge gig this weekend. Barbie's parents made sure to properly bind her feet when she was young so she looks very chic, but can't really wear shoes without scotch tape at hand. Barbie never fucked. (she hated sex) Barbie never ate despite her constant cooking. Barbie has never seen a corpse or a book or a cigarette or a vagina. Barbie's legs feel different from her torso.

Sideways text in the upper right corner: "If you or someone you know is interested in this subject, do not hesitate to order Barbara's divine fanzine, Hey There, Barbie Girl! for 2 dollars from HTBG! PO Box 819 Peter Stuyvesant Station, NYC 10009. Not only does she know the guys from Ms. Lun, but she's a peach of a zine editor as well."

#bgsu #barbie #barbie dolls #but a paper dress #fanzine friday

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fuckyeahilike · 1 year

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I never liked Barbie, sorry. I understand that she's a great American cultural icon, and that she's very important to some people. But as a child I never wanted a Barbie, and I never understood her as a concept for a toy.

When I played with my dolls I was mom and they were my children. And Barbie is a fully grown woman who has her own life and doesn't need me. She's not a baby. I’m paying to watch her.

There's also something to be said about how she fosters consumerism - this was a point made by one of my favorite children’s books authors, Michael Ende, in one of my fave books as a kid, Momo. There’s this character who is a "bad guy", who tries to ensnare Momo by giving her a Barbie-like doll, that requires of her to keep on consuming more and more things for the doll. You can't just play with the thing and leave it at that, the thing is a vortex of needs: once you have her the doll also needs an entire wardrobe that is ever evolving and changing, and then of course she also needs her dream house and several cars and accessories, then there are her multiple friends with their own individual and multiple needs, etc.

I imagine that as a child you’re so close to this that you don’t see it. But when it's pointed out to you in your own favorite childhood book by your favorite author, you do see it and you never stop seeing it. It's not a toy, it's a school of consumerism for girls. It’s grooming.

All my toys who were my children didn't come with this burden attached to them. You bought them once and you were all they ever needed.

I also am not and never was a fan of the aesthetic. Barbie pink is ugly, most of her stuff is ugly and not cute. You couldn't pay me to dye my hair blonde. I'll never want to look like a pale Anglo-Saxon whose face is a beige blur. It’s not true that you can never be too thin or too white, never was. Barbie’s got nothing on her body. I would kill to look like Monica Bellucci who looks like a Woman, not like a tube.

I can vouch for the fact that little girls can still grow up to be anorexics who care too much about their appearance and with conforming to harmful stereotypes etc. I wouldn't dream of blaming Barbie for women's problems, anymore than you'll ever catch me blaming McDonald's for obesity. Handy though it is to have a scapegoat it's also unfair and therefore not useful.

But I will never forget how only too recently the Barbie company made these promotional videos for their commercial product where Barbie is seen addressing her audience, looking at the camera as if she were talking to you, the child, as though Barbie were a real person, talking about her own mental health issues (I think it was depression? Something like that) in order to groom children into wanting to buy more Barbie dolls because she's deep now, guys, she's not just some toy, she’s relatable, she’s a person. No, she’s an inanimate object designed to get your money. This is going too far.

I hope they go to hell for that one, but otherwise it's just a toy I never liked and so I don't care about the subject or anything to do with it, like the movie that hasn't even premiered yet. And yes, Ryan Gosling is too old for the part, both leads are too old for this.

#movies #barbie #Michael Ende #literature #mental health #women's health #health

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mrmajesticcircle · 1 year

Text

Red Hot

When I was a teenager spirit grazing in the high grass, I was taught that I was less than anyone on earth not just because I was black.

Because I was always a praying spirit, it made the embodied jury around me angry, it made everyone want to retaliate out misunderstanding.

How could they when they wanted me to serve the sacred crucifixion for someone else?

Someone else with a heart of stone.

Someone else that takes pride in my suffering.

He calls himself a King because he can cheat on his Abel and have a fling between two lovers.

What makes it worse is he is not satisfied, as he prys for information probing the city's good semeritans hardrive to successfully identify a face, address, name, number, occupational status, relationship between my biological father and potential lover.

Because he wants me to share his turmoil within his own namesake.

He wants me to be pressured into giving in to suicide while he boast about being more fit, more qualified, more appropriate for anyone easy on the eyes around my life in general.

The both of you agreed to put me through this weird one, and now you're telling me that you're Red Hot mad, because you got your chance to hit me with your best shot.

You come around flashing your love life in my face, then you say I am not panning over my girl.

You always have it your way, like burger king, it's gone way too far, and now I guess you can see, that I am Red Hot, I since that you are insecure, and afraid I might take your girl.

I don't even like your girl passed the friend zone.

You don't want to be, but you won't let go of me, and now I am telling you I don't have to be a better father, better provider, because you need one.

And I know now that you're Red Hot mad at me, because you won't see me bring home a boy, or girl to turn into your mind slaves.

You already turned everything and everyone else around against me, but I am not enough, but yet I the only one envious, because you looking for someone else to blame.

If you don't want me then don't talk to me!

Go ahead and free yourself, I tried to love you but it's hard, I've had enough!

Don't you know that I tried to love you, but now the love inside has died.

Why don't you be a man, if you're so hard?

Instead of make-believe what they say.

Now, that you've lived out your dreams for so long in my life, reigning down, and playing house in my life you are Red hot for no reason.

Mad at the things momma sacrificed for you, but it's not good in your soul, until I am no longer breathing.

Now, thirty seven years later you want to pretend to be my forever friend.

Telling me I'm all you got, in a world of sinners.

Through the spring, summer, winter, and falls I could not see the underlying enemies under my head heaping coal on my head.

A reflection of a misunderstood doll being under someone else's mind control in a dream.

Now, even though I suffer unusual firestorms, I don't usually say anything about it.

And now I am Red Hot mad at what's been going down on me.

You've been acting out of line, trying to steal and proclaim what is mine.

Always waisting my time, just to ensnare me through the vine, and poisonous wine, after the trying to meet reservations for two to dine, it was fine for the sign was blurry and then you told me I could stay overnight til tomorrow at nine, because ten thirty in the morning you had to go on and do what normal American citizens do punch in the clock machine, but you could not guess I figured it out, you were inflicting your persecution and all your cares on me, it was a pun intended on me to want to turn rage into a crime, you're saying something about me all the time High Point, low points, as if one moment I am your Messiah with broad shoulders carrying the weight of a million member family.

If you see Jesus branded in my ebony skin tone then let me know now.

Next thing I know I am not supposed to be, not supposed to have, nothing that anyone else besides your ku-klux-klan band should ever take off their Tee- shirt for especially if their a cowboy married to the gym, just working on their fitness from head to toe when they think about it.

And now because of you I am,

Being pushed away by boys and girls because they careless; don't want nothing but to watch me suffer, whilst they soak with the sun enraged at me.

One minute they want me down.

The next they want me up and Adam.

Then they want me under you.

Unfortunately, I am all alone, and their Red Hot mad, but until they realize that is what they nerves wanted all along, but under them.

Then they want me to encourage them.

Next, they want me to give up and leave.

Then they want me to be independent, turn around and then it's dependent.

Wanting me to be all alone, then tomorrow be similar.

Chasing men; chasing women; chasing cars and a purpose to find structure by upholding financial aid and fairy tales of where you should be in a blueprint.

All of this confusion; the toss tussle and tumble, makes disbelief , and now I'm Red Hot mad with you.

You want me back because I have anywhere else to be.

I don't deserve this and that and anything you lack, because you are mad at me.

Do you even know why you are mad at me?

Because everytime I turn around you either do or you don't and that includes how you want me to be.

You say you want someone serious, and extremely gifted or attractive to possibly be beating.

It's unclear to me what you want from me, and so starting with my orientation, I'll be the fagot America.

Now you mad, because you won't ever darkly replace me, I think I am the pride and the joy, of my four father's.

Get along, move down in your insurance, and your value.

Yes, you were here first, but of a different donor.

Yes, you were here first, but I am here now, to pastor your pastures.

You heard the story of a man child would be born someday, well I think I am, and deserve a chance, to build my table, since you don't want me to afford one.

It's understandable you want to be the only one, you're just another God with a lower case gee trying to imbalance the equation for your favor.

You like to make me feel for you, and now that I won't conform to and move like you to become straight for cakes, and pies you're just mad.

When you're around, I'll just turn it off, like a switch to dark seekers like you, who always want complete control and my undivided attention as company.

It's a shame because I am natural selection.

Sacrificed to be the girl you know, with a Red Hot body just to skyrocket your mind.

Now I'm Red Hot mad at the scenario.

You want me to be alone for you, and when you stay the night alone by me to use my shower, you wonder why I never noticed you.

Now, I've been living lying low , with my head pressed down towards the floor, waiting for the storm to blow right over me.

This is why I am going to bring all of my wings ,and fly down the middle over the line of fire you tried throw me in to burn.

Looking straightway at the mark, not looking to the right; to the left.

All I see is red!

Most people they want insidious things, like love, but not me.

Just give me the boat with lots and lots of cash.

Now, my fairy godmothers Red Hot, because I lost the will to love a girl.

Now, her inner circle is Red Hot furious, because I know who I am.

Who's I am still don't mean anything to them.

She can't sue me.

She can't run me over with the bumper of her motor vehicle that she doesn't realize I know she rented out.

She can't throw me away.

She can't control me.

She can't touch me the way she imagined.

She can't; you cannot, you won't touch me like he could.

And now their Red Hot livid with me, because everything they imagined they were and could get away with over me is not lining up for them.

The wicked witch of the west had two demon spawns, that are mad because they can't get accepted before I was, so they made an idiotic tale, that I touched them.

And now their tragedy is make-believing I touched them when I was never there.

It's sad people don't know what they have until it's gone, and now their Red Hot because they want to watch me become broken to pieces; to bitter to be any good, not strong enough to have something good for myself.

They all want me to be locked away for good, with the keys thrown in a bin.

Now that they are all Red Hot enraged by the fact I can prove something so walked on, can wobble in confidence in control of attending a community college, there's no room for me to let you in on the secret.

Let it go, if you're Red Hot vengeful, because everyone you know of, related to , or even dated is more peculiar then you say I am.

You keep singing aloud you're a sinner, but you won't get this.

Quit beating the streets down to find my door.

You don't need to replace me for the true target that should be in a pool of blood.

Be Red Hot angry at your consciousness, you lie to yourself tell yourself anything to make you happy and mad at me the next moment.

It's seemingly to me, the double vision you have a standard of is very clear.

You want to shred me into two, and give me away for four sheckles of siver, I just knew that you are as Judas, you'll sale your soul to the devil to be recognized in history.

And now be Red Hot mad at the way you only get accepted in the world.

When you pretend to be like me.

When things are too easy.

Where you can collect tokens, I can be all you need.

A Lifesize trophy.

A physician when you are broken, or ached with pain.

A doctor when you feel ill and unable to get out of bed.

A way maker when you have been through a bridge, and nobody else; nobody else; nobody else, nobody else, could fend for you.

A photographer only keeping all the positive photoshoots, and discarding all the negatives.

A punching bag when you're mad, like the situational irony you adhere today.

Living this life isn't hard enough, once you realize you don't have anything without me.

It's alright to deny the fact that you like to burn; melting down the reflection you hold up the mirror see you're nobody.

Not even to yourself, I like to see you pull yourself apart trying to fix the place inside that was never whole to start with.

It's why you're always looking for someone.

Searching for answers of retorical questions, deep in your soul you already know.

You're incantateous , desperate and impossible to please.

Please don't call me.

Look for my whereabouts I don't want to see you, hear you, empathy I can't feel.

It's alright; I know who you are and I don't love you anymore.

Don't feel sorry I'm walking on.

Be useful; do yourself a favor, when you get anxious, oppressed about what and who is on the other line in my phone.

Why don't you just drop dead, because you know I am always right.

Authorship by Mr Dashaun Snipes

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