#onikspeaks

[o-nik]

Art requests🤲🥺 please?

Can be anything! Any fandom! OC! Anything, really:3

I don't want to get out of the flow but I feel like if I worked on MY fav characters or MY OCs I'd go crazy^^

I'm gonna pin this for a...week? Ye, a week is fine! I hope I get requests until then!^v^ thx for reading

[o-nik]

This is what my cat does before throwing up

[o-nik]

Acutally fickign crazy how someoe ME ME ME MEME EME ME couldl accualy be like hey guys can yall help me im not feling good and theyll be like THE WEATHERS FUXKING CRAZY TODAY like alr thx for amswering i guess ill just kill myself

[o-nik]

I gave this one scene from Kontroll (2003) English subtitles so more people can enjoy it

This. This is peak humor (for me at least😭)!!!

@zokimaga I'm tagging you if you don't mind<3

[o-nik]

Me hearing the scariest sound any living being on the face of the Earth would be capable of emitting

Me remembering my psychotic disorder

In conclusion:

[o-nik]

People from the Eddsworld fandom strarted following me so uhh .... Hi guys!!

[o-nik]

Mental Health Confessions

CW/TW - sui mention, meds mention

I've been struggling mentally for years now, and since I trust tumblr enough that I'm writing this out here

Some people might have noticed how I'm not posting as frequently as I've used to...

I know mental health recovery is not a linear thing, but any time theres a downhill I don't think I'm gonna ever get better. Because let's be honest... I've had nearly 8 years to "get better" and where am I now?

I neglect myself, my physical appearance just as my mental health. I'm barely eating, not brushing my teeth, taking showers an incredibly few times a month and I haven't washed my hair for at least 3 months (but I think it might be more).

Call me disgusting, I know I am, I am stinking and my face is all greasy, but I don't know what to do, because I can't get myself to help myself.

I am taking my meds just as regularly as I use to, I have no idea what's my problem. I feel I am hungry, but I have no apetite at all, I know I should drink – even tho i am NOT thirsty at all – but every sip I take is so incredibly forced that it's impossible to do it all the time, all day, every five minutes, FOREVER...

My physical health has been bad for a while, but now it's worse. I always have a low blood pressure, I'm dizzy when I stand up, I have shortness of breath and I'm just so. SO tired. I don't know why I'm tired. I have no job, I am sitting at home drawing, or watching shows just to distract myself from how shitty my life ended up be.

I am weak. Both physically and mentally. My back hurts, my joints hurt, my knee hurts, my head hurts sometimes and I've sunken so low that at this point all I can do is sink more.

All the advice I've been given are useless, because I can't "exercise" when I feel like -this-, and I can't "just take a shower/wash my hair" because I CAN'T.

People saying these things have no idea how many times I've said to myself how I'm gonna get my shit together from -that day- night. Take a shower, wash my hair, tidy my room a bit, its gonna be fine. But it never ends up happening.

Sometimes I catch myself wondering who the fuck I am. No matter who calls me and what name, and how they say things, and how this and how that I end up thinking back about it and going "I would not fucking say/do that".

Really tho. I just don't see the point.

I have no idea why I'm writing this I just feel like if I don't get this out of my system I'm gonna kms.

Which I don't want to...

I'm not writing any closure I'm not in the mood

[o-nik]

I WANT TO DRAW I WANT TO ANIMATE I WANT TO PAINT I WANT TO SCULPT I WANT TO MAKE A FURSUIT I WANT TO CARVE I WANT TO CREATE I WANT TO MAKE ART I WANT TO FEEL MORE HUMAN PLEEEAASSEEEE I DON'T WANT TO BE JUST A PRODUCT ON THE CONVEYOR BELT

[o-nik]

My normalest reaction to cute pet pictures or videos: "WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE THAT?" In Onik language it means "it looks so cute, how does it do that?"

[o-nik]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I know that this is short, but I just hope you get better eventually. I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable in any way, and I understand if you don't respond to this ask. You dont have to respond if you dont feel like it. Wishing you the best :)

Im so so so so thankful for ur message/ask!! Thank you for the kind words it really means aLOT to me! Especially in these times!

And also theFunny thing is I just recently got out of the shower and I WASHED MY HAIR😭 idk why im sharing this im just proud of mself. Since like. Im pretty sure the vent had something abt this (being a stinky poopoo) in it as well.

Also i kinda put two and two together and realized things about myself, and I hate that i cannot share it bc its connected to OSDD and since ive never been diagnosed I fear the fake clamers. Klamers? Claimers!!! (Omfg XDD im gonna let the fails stay bc theyre ridiculous lol).

Thank you again for being so kind that you wrote this, its a small gesture, but means a lot!! /Gen

(I feel so embarrassed tbh like...wdym I heavy vented on my MAIN😭 nauurrr... im scared to read it back lmao)

Have this gif of Tord I found ,as a sign of my gratitude

(i couldn't find a better one💔)

[o-nik]

LMK fandom try guessing which character my friend is talking about challenge IMPOSSIBLE😭

[o-nik]

I always get so surprised when I see people on the internet tell stories about how badly they were treated by society because of the harmful stereotypes spread around psychotic disorders, but then I remember that when I was admitted to a psych ward, SOMEHOW (???) the patients got to know about my psychotic disorder, so they started making up stories of how I'm gonna "kill them while they are asleep" or "attack the nurses" and shit. Because you know...that shit's SO funny.

---

Oh wow so I found this in my drafts and... Past me, you are so real for this. Yeah, let's talk about this.

So while I was there a person threw bottles around while shouting - which triggered me but y'know, who tf cares - and calling the nurses "bitches", they ended up in the isolation room then they kinda just,,,vanished? An other person has drunken liquid soap, and a third person were throwing/kicking (mainly kicking) hard plushies onto people. They were aiming for the face, ofc. The latter triggered me, but again, who gives a flying fuck, yeah?

And guess fucking what. None of those were me. And none of those people had any kind of psychotic disorder. But hey, we are the bad guys, right? Because we hear scary eeevil voices in our heads that tell us to hurt kick stab kill maim everyone!!! Watch out bro, you never know when a psychotic antosocial psychopatic killer might get you! /s /biggest fucking sarcastic tone in the world

I am so fucking sick of this.

[o-nik]

I just realized I sleep with SEVENTEEN plushies😭😭😭‼️‼️

[o-nik]

GUYS GUYS GUYS I GIVE UP😭😭😭😭😭😭 I GIVE UP OKAY HOLY SHIT JESUS CHRIST

WHAT THE FUCK IS A SUPER BOOP

[o-nik]

Someone has been living in my socials rent free iykwim so if you guys see any weird shit posted by "me" can you notify me?:( thanks

[o-nik]

When people criticise modern horror by simply saying its "not scary enough" I just remember how I used to be scared of a rust spot on the wall of a swimming pool in my city's local spa...

Point is, fear is subjective and just because your fear is unusual, that doesn't make you less of a person