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mypoisonedvine · 1 year

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𝗽𝗲𝗿𝘀𝗶𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗻𝘁 || dark!joel miller x reader

𝘀𝘂𝗺𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘆 || he told you he'd never let you go, but it hadn't sounded like a threat at the time— it sounded like pillow talk, like sweet nothings. you should've believed him; you should've known escape wasn't an option from a man like joel miller.

𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗻𝘁 || a bit over 3k

𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗻𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 || smut (18+ only; noncon/heavy dubcon, bondage, forced breeding), stalking/yandere, possessiveness, past/described character death, "bunny" as a pet name (with a couple "baby"s and "babygirl"s in there), angst, gaslighting/manipulation

“How’d you find me here?”

His face was straight and stoic. Last time, he’d smirked when you asked that— like he was proud of himself. Now, he was just tired. Tired of chasing you, tired of your constant yet fruitless search for freedom.

Tired, and angry.

“I’m persistent,” was his flat reply.

“Well, doesn’t matter,” you shook your head, “doesn’t change anything— same as before, it’s over.”

“Why?”

“You know why,” you shot back instantly, “and I’m not explaining this shit you again. You don’t fucking own me.”

“So all those things you said— that we said?” Joel hissed, stepping forward, making you feel cornered in your own tiny room. It wasn’t much, but it was your own, and you loved it for that. You’d spent the last month making it feel like home, and now you’d have to leave it all again, have to run from him again. “What was that, then? All just bullshit?”

“I— that was a different time, I was a different person,” you sighed. “So were you.”

“Said you loved me,” he recalled.

“I didn’t even know you,” you snapped. “You aren’t who I thought you were…”

He stepped up to you again, and you reached for your belt— but he grabbed your wrist before you could grab the knife. “Whatcha gonna do with that, bunny?” he cooed, sickly-sweet.

“Don’t call me that,” you whimpered, trying to wriggle out of his grasp but only hurting your wrist more. “You can’t call me that anymore…”

“Gonna hurt me, bunny?” he continued, pulling you closer until you had to bite down on your shaking lip— you didn’t want him to see you cry, again. Because even after everything, when you cried, you still wanted him most— you still craved his comfort, even knowing that it was all lies. He was sick and twisted, you knew that, but he looked just like the man you fell in love with— he smelled like him, he had his warmth and strength, and your body sometimes longed to wrapped up in his arms again even if your heart ached remembering what he’d done. “Y’already hurt me as bad as you ever could. And I still love you.”

You shook your head, tears starting to roll, as he pressed his face against your head and took in a deep breath beside your hair. “You never l-loved me,” you hiccuped, “you don’t— you don’t do what you did to people you love—”

“I didn’t do anything to you,” he defended, “just made sure nobody would try to keep us apart, s’all. M’sorry for what happened to your brother, too, but you know I only did what I had to.”

“Shut up,” you pleaded, trying to pull away again.

“You know he stepped up on me,” he continued anyways, “you know he said I couldn’t be trusted, that I wasn’t good enough for you— and I couldn’t just let him say that shit.”

“Stop, stop talking,” you begged, shutting your eyes tight and trying so hard not to see it again— your brother on the ground, his face red and bruises already forming on his neck, Joel standing over him catching his breath. “Y-you just did it b-because he was all I had left,” you said, mostly reminding yourself. “That was the only reason my brother died. Because you needed to be the only thing I loved.”

“He was a piece of shit!” Joel barked, making you cry harder. “He was nothing, okay? I’m your everything—”

“No, no—”

“You said that! And he was gonna try to take you away from me!”

“Because I told him I was scared of you,” you explained.

“So it’s your fault— you killed him,” Joel insisted as you tried to cover your face with your spare hand. “Shouldn’t’ve told him that, bunny… shouldn’t’ve let him try to steal you, you know I couldn’t let you go— you know I can’t let go of what’s mine…”

He always got in your head so quickly; he'd carefully built his control over your mind in the year you'd been together, and it took a while to break out of it once you'd left. But even still, you'd never stopped looking over your shoulder— every time he tracked you down, you made another escape and started all over. But it didn't usually last too long.

“That’s why I’m just gonna keep finding you, bunny. ‘Cause you’re mine. So will you just stop runnin’ from me?”

You tried to take a deep breath, fighting to get enough air in your lungs to speak, but it all still came out as a shaky whisper: “I’m not… I’m not yours anymore,” you informed him weakly.

“Let me tell you somethin’,” he said— calm at first, but suddenly getting angrier as he sneered and yanked you closer. “Somethin’ you’re gonna be better off the sooner you accept it: you’ll always be mine.”

You whimpered as he spun you around, embracing you— or was he constricting you? — as your back pressed against his broad chest.

"Need me to remind you?" he purred in your ear, and you struggled harder against his grip.

"No, Joel— don't—" you pleaded.

"Need to remember who you belong to?" he pressed again, reaching down to start unbuttoning your jeans. "M'gonna help you, bunny, it's okay— you're not gonna forget again."

"Please," you whined, shivering when he started to tug your pants down— it was cold in here, and even his warm fingers weren't enough when the draft hit your bare thighs. "Joel, don't have to do this— let's just talk, we can talk—"

"Too late for that," he shook his head, groaning as he cupped your sex in his rough hand. "Tried to talk to you already, when we talk you start fuckin' lyin' to me— callin' me a monster just 'cause I love you. Sayin' you don't love me anymore… but your body doesn't lie, baby, feel that?"

He'd pushed your panties down and was sliding his fingers between your lips, purring as he roughly explored the slick folds of skin. Your stomach sank and your chest felt hollow— even with everything he'd done, you never thought he'd do this to you…

"Oh, fuckin' wet," he noticed with a sickening grin that you could hear in his voice. You turned your face away but he grabbed it with his free hand and turned you back to look at him. "Kiss me," he ordered.

Slamming his lips on yours, you whined and tried to pull away. He kept kissing you anyways, lips and tongue overwhelming yours, indifferent to your resistance.

"Don't be like that, bunny," he pouted when you managed to wrench your head back— he started kissing your jaw and neck next, rubbing circles on your clit with two fingers. "You just need to remember how good it is to be mine— just relax, baby, just let me help you—"

But when you tried to kick at his legs, a desperate attempt for a chance to flee, he got angry again and threw you face-down onto your bed.

"Please, don't," you sobbed, but he was already behind you, grabbing your wrists and holding them down over your head.

You cried harder when he let go with one hand, and you heard the slide of leather on denim as he took his belt off.

Crying harder, you felt him lean over you and wrap the belt around your wrists, tying them together tightly. You were begging incoherently, too scared to try to fight against the leather on your wrists but hating how it felt to be restrained (especially in such a crude way).

A moment later, he tugged you down so that you were bent over the side of the bed while he stood behind you, and he started to open his own jeans.

A shudder crawled over you when you felt his cock rub up against your ass, a low groan coming from behind you as he ran his hand over your back— maybe just to touch you, maybe to hold you down.

"Joel, I'm sorry," you whispered, "I'm sorry, I won't leave again, I swear…"

He hummed happily, but didn't stop.

"Just please stop," you requested weakly. "I'll be yours again, but you— you're hurting me…"

"Only 'cause you made me," he accused with a growl. "If this is what you need to know whose you are, then I'm gonna hurt you."

"No— you don't need to do that, I-I know now, I swear…"

You heard him spit, then the wet sounds of him spreading the fluid on his cock, and you buried your face in the sheets. "It's gonna be okay, bunny," he promised, just before he shoved himself inside you.

He used to be so tender, so delicate with you. For all his mood swings and violent tendencies, he'd always made love to you so sweetly. You couldn't believe that was the same man as the one holding you down now, forcing his cock deeper and grunting loudly as you whined in pain.

"You can take it," he informed you coldly, already moving far too fast and slamming to the deepest parts of you each time. "Same dick you used to beg for all the time, don't act so fuckin' hurt when I know you like this."

His hands moved to your shoulders, holding them tightly as he found his pace; you heard every moan, every heavy breath, even though you wanted so much to try to ignore it all. The most difficult thing to ignore, of course, was how it felt: the sting of being stretched around him, the soreness where he dug his fingers into your skin, the sick pleasure you hated yourself for noticing.

"God, I missed this," he groaned. "Missed having this little pussy around me— I'm gonna make you feel so good, bunny, gonna take care of you like I promised."

He laid himself down over you, pressing you down deeper into the mattress, and spoke right by your ear.

"Used to say nobody else ever made you feel like I did," he purred. "You remember that? Was that even true, or were you a liar then, too?"

"N-no, I never lied to you, Joel," you tried to defend yourself— but then he moved his hips just right and forced you to take even more of him than you thought possible, and your voice fell into a whine.

"What about when you said we'd always be together, huh?" he prompted with disdain in his voice. "I told you I needed you, bunny. M'fuckin' nothin' without you, you know that— and then you left me. How could you break my heart like that, babygirl?"

"I'm sorry," you cried, "I-I was just scared… you… you killed my brother, Joel. I hate you for that."

"I know," he soothed, "I know— but I can't lose you. I'm sorry, bunny, I can't let you go."

Unfortunately, that you knew; and in a way, you understood. You just wished this wasn't your fate, that you might have a chance to be free— that just wasn't in the cards for the girl Joel Miller loved. He'd let a lot of things slip away from him in this life and you were not going to be next on that list.

After a while, it started to feel familiar; it reminded you of how it used to be, when things felt so simple and you had no idea what was around the corner. Your body relaxed under his, your legs stopped flailing and your grip on the sheets loosened… you went limp, the struggle leaving you as another instinct took over.

Slipping his arms under you, he held you tightly, breathing heavily into the crook of your neck. The sickest part was how easy it was to let his praises wash over you.

“That’s my good girl,” he whispered to you, “that’s my good bunny— just like that, lemme take care a’you…”

All your energy was focused on not letting him hear how it affected you, how easily he could reclaim your body. You’d been running for months— almost two since you’d seen him last, when he tracked you down to Michigan and you only got away cause you had a friend with a car— and he had you back under his thumb in minutes. Maybe he was right: you’d always be his, no matter what anyone did. Even your own brother couldn’t save you.

“I betcha missed me, too,” Joel mumbled in your ear. “Betcha got lonely, huh, bunny? I’m here now, never letting you go again, I swear— can’t live without you… we need each other. You need me.”

It was so strange to you, how he could sound so sweet and then so livid in just a moment.

“Just admit it, baby,” he encouraged— but it was an order, you weren’t too far gone to know that.

“I need you,” you whispered hoarsely.

“Louder,” he demanded.

“I ne—” you choked, having to stop and start over because your voice was broken from crying. “I need you, Joel.”

“Yeah,” he agreed, and his thrusts picked up in speed. You could hear the sound of skin slapping on skin— of your wet channel betraying the way you actually did need him. “Yeah, fuck,” he repeated, “s’my girl… always ready for me, huh? Such a needy fuckin’ pussy y’got…”

He was moving harder and faster than ever, but his thrusts were more shallow than before— he usually started by savoring you, pulling out to the very tip and sliding back in so he could feel you on every inch of his cock. But then he got into this sort of mood, where he could barely bring himself to pull out at all— said it felt too good inside you to leave— and so it was more like grinding, staying deep in you and letting just the base of him thrust in and out. It was so deep it made your head spin, but you couldn’t do anything but lay there. Lay there and realize that it was too late to stop him, or to stop yourself from what was about to happen.

You hoped if you didn't make a sound, he wouldn't notice. You used to always tell him when you were coming, because he told you to: coming, Joel, you're gonna make me come— please don't stop—

But he noticed, even without all that fanfare. Even if only a suppressed whine echoed in your throat, he felt the way your body reacted when he brought you to the peak.

"Mm," he hummed proudly, "y'see? See how your body remembers? Fuck, love feelin' it when ya come, babydoll. Love feeling that li'l cunt squeeze me."

After you’d come, though, you became far too sensitive— everything was just too much, all at once, and your whole body began to shake. He didn’t slow down, he wasn’t fazed at all, but you were so overcome you could barely choke out your plea for mercy: “J-Joel, please… s’too much, I jus’... I need a second—”

“Shh,” he interrupted. “Still teachin’ you your lesson, bunny.”

“No, fuck,” you gasped, “Joel, I… I can’t…”

“Can’t take it?” he finished for you. “Can’t take any more of this? This is what you wanted, though. Isn’t that why you made me come all this way? Made me chase you all over the fuckin’ country just so I could get my girl back?

"I won't leave Joel, just stop—"

"I know," he groaned. "I know you won't leave me again, especially when you're pregnant."

"What? Joel, no—"

"Shh, shh," he soothed, gripping your hips tighter.

"Joel, don't—"

Your begs were accompanied by your shaking hands trying to somehow wiggle their way out of the belt, but both were useless. He was so much stronger, his weight kept you pinned so easily that you felt like you couldn't breathe; his hips drove into yours over and over, every movement like another punch to the gut and a stab to the heart. “Just take it, baby,” he demanded, though the tone of his voice was sweet— rough, but sweet. “Just trust me.”

I don’t trust you, you wanted to scream, I can’t trust you. But it wouldn’t have made a difference anyway, if you could even pull yourself together enough to speak.

"We're gonna be together, like you said," he promised, his voice a deep growl as he fought his way to the peak of pleasure, slamming into you ruthlessly. "Me an' you, and our baby. Gonna make you so happy, bunny, gonna take care of you— and we're gonna be a family—"

"Please,” you breathed, “let's just— just talk about this first…"

"And you'll be mine forever, y'hear me? You're never gonna try to fuckin' leave again."

You shook your head, exhausted and overwhelmed and giving in completely to the fact that he did own you, even after you insisted that he didn't.

"Say it."

"I won't try to leave you again," you promised, the words like poison in your throat but music to his ears. "I love you, Joel… you know I love you…"

"I love you too, bunny," he returned, holding onto you tighter. "So much— more than you can imagine."

You were numb, barely in reality, as he filled you; you could feel his cock flexing inside you and you hated the way it made your walls pulse— it showed how your body craved what your mind feared.

“Baby…” he groaned, that heavy satisfaction in his voice as he sunk down on top of you. You’d been waiting for him to pull out, disgusted that he was still inside you and hoping that you could sneak off to the bathroom to try to clean yourself out; but, he stayed inside, and relaxed even further as he stayed laying on top of you.

Staring off into space, you tried to shut your eyes but it burned. So you just blinked through the pain and wished against everything that this was some horrible dream.

If it was, it felt more real than anything ever had. He kissed your face gently, wiping the last of your tears away with his thumb. "Shh, it's okay, little bunny… everything's gonna be okay now," he soothed in a whisper. “You won’t have to be alone anymore. It’s gonna be how it’s supposed to— how we said it would: you and me, forever. Okay?”

It wasn’t a dream, but the way you spoke and moved without even thinking first sort of felt like one; “Okay,” you mumbled weakly as you nodded.

He smiled proudly down at you. “Now let’s get you home, bunny.”

#joel miller x reader #joel miller dark fic #dark!joel miller x reader #dark!joel miller smut #dark!joel miller hbo #joel miller hbo x reader

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idyllic-ghost · 2 months

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title: Forever Yours, Faithfully pairing: lee jihoon x fem!reader genre: romance, fluff, slight angst, smut warnings: mentions of food (sushi) and alcohol, mentions of clothes not fitting (jihoon buys reader something new, but one of the items are uncomfy bc women's sizes are weird), nsfw content (make-out in hot tub, fluffy smut, unprotected sex (don't do this, wrap it up pls), oral (f receiving), slight overstimulation) synopsis: Ever since you had Valentine's day ruined for you by an ex, you decided to never pay the holiday any attention ever again. However, when your new boyfriend finds out about this, he just has to do something for you and change the connotation you have with the fourteenth. wordcount: 9.7k taglist: @enhacolor, @shuabby1994, @junhui-recs, @dkakapizzaboy, @just-here-to-read-01, @loviehan, @userjunhuii, @novalpha, @bubblymoon, @aaniag

a/n: breaking my hiatus for a moment to post this valentine's fic! this is a @svthub fic swap for @wooahaeproductions! happy valentine's day, i hope you enjoy!🩷 and a special thank you to @wongyuseokie and @strawberryya for proofing this!

see the rest of the posts for the collab here

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“... I hate it. I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh. Even worse when you make me cry…”

A knock at your door interrupted Kat Stratford’s monologue on your TV screen, forcing you to look away from the movie and put down your bowl of ice cream. Pausing the romantic comedy, you listened to see if you were just hearing things - secretly hoping that was the case. However, there was another knock. It sounded cautious rather than angry, so you had no real reason to worry about who was on the other side of your door. You reached for the tissue box to dry your tear-stained cheeks and adjusted your clothes to make you look at least halfway decent. Before you had even stood up from the couch, there was yet another knock at the door.

“I’m coming!” you shouted and stood up.

You weren’t expecting anyone and silently hoped it was just your neighbor needing something and not one of your friends trying to take you out for drinks. Valentine’s Day was tough for you, it had been for a couple of years now, and you knew that your friends were only trying to cheer you up. However, when you opened the door, you were met with someone that you hadn’t anticipated.

“Hi.” Jihoon stood in front of you, fidgeting with the strap of a bag.

“Hi,” you said, trying to hide your disheveled self behind the door.

“Have you been crying?” He asked with furrowed brows.

“Oh, uh… I was just watching a movie.” You wiped your face with your sleeve. “10 Things I Hate About You… the ending always gets me.”

“Right, I’m sorry I interrupted… I know you said that you didn’t want anything for Valentine’s Day, but…” He sighed and looked down at his feet. “I talked to Soonyoung, and he…”

At the mention of your mutual friend’s name, everything fell into place. He wasn’t a bad friend, not at all, but sometimes he found the most particular ways to get in your business. You knew it came from a good place. However, a warning would be nice.

“He blabbed, didn’t he?”

“Yeah…” He looked back at you. “I know it’s only been a couple of months or so, but I don’t want our first Valentine’s to be… well, this…”

“You’ve got something planned?” You couldn’t hide that you were pleasantly surprised, your joyful tone giving you away.

“It’s a bit last minute, but yes.”

You look into your messy apartment, internally fighting with yourself over whether or not letting him in was worth the embarrassment. When you look back at him, he seems patient - Jihoon always had a way of communicating without having to say a single word, his feelings coming through his expressive eyes or his gentle smile. You didn’t need to worry about making him agitated. He was always patient with you. Moving to the side and opening the door ever so slightly more, you silently invite him in.

You met Jihoon a few years ago, when you were still with your ex. The two of you never talked much, as a result of Jihoon being so introverted and your ex being a possessive jerk. The time spent with your ex wasn’t all bad, but the good times were drowned out by the bad times - such as your last Valentine’s together. Neither of you planned anything for the day, but you decided to do something last minute: dinner and a movie. When you told him of your plan, he exploded at you.

“I hate Valentine’s, okay!? It’s not my fault you think one day of pampering will fix our problems! Just go out with one of the other guys you’ve been texting- I’ve seen your messages!”

The words rang in your ears every time the holiday came, creeping back each year. Throughout the relationship with your ex, your needs were never met when you were with him. Things were different with Jihoon. Once you had broken up with your ex and a few months had passed for you to heal, Soonyoung introduced you to Jihoon again. It started slow, the two of you stayed friends for a little over a year before even considering dating. Mostly because you were still hurt but also because neither of you seemed to figure out what you both felt for each other. You remember your mutual friends’ reaction when you told them you had started dating; “Finally… we can stop pretending that you don’t make googly eyes at each other whenever you’re in the same room”, or something along those lines.

Now that you had been together for a couple of months, you didn’t understand what took you so long. Even though he was busy most of the time, he always put all of his attention on you whenever the two of you were together. However, when Valentine’s Day rolled around yet again, you didn’t plan anything. You didn’t ask or hint at anything that you wanted to do. You just let it be. That way, your heart stayed safe. Valentine’s wasn’t meant for you, or so you thought. Soonyoung had been with you through it and had been a shoulder for you to cry on from time to time. You swearing him to secrecy about the meaning of the day didn’t work when it came to Jihoon.

“What’s in the bag?” You asked and tried to take a peek.

“You’ll see.” Jihoon smiled proudly and pulled the bag behind his back, away from you. “Go get some things packed - just enough for one night. I’ll wait here for you.”

“Do I need to get dressed?”

“Whatever makes you comfortable.”

You looked at Jihoon in his usual attire - an oversized t-shirt, big pants, and slippers - and decided you could leave as you were. While throwing a few necessities in a bag, Jihoon stayed in the hallway and watched you. His proud smile never left him, and it made you all the more excited. Just the fact that he wanted to do something with you at all, and pulled himself out of work on his own accord, made you happier than you had ever been on any other Valentine’s.

Your happy jitters turned into nerves when you saw where Jihoon was driving you. A five-star hotel. Suddenly, the idea of staying comfortable over being dressed up didn’t feel very smart. It was an expensive part of town; people dressed to the nines walked up and down the streets, and you slowly sank further into your seat. As if he could sense your anxiety, Jihoon put a comforting hand on your thigh.

“We’re going in through a back door. Is that okay with you?” It was his way of reassuring you without pointing out your insecurities. “I want it to stay private. Going in through the main entrance could cause a scene.”

You nodded, although you were mostly happy to hear that you didn’t have to walk around in your sweats amongst people with thousand-dollar suits. Usually, you would’ve considered this a negative side effect of dating someone famous - but this time, it was welcomed.

“... why don’t you take a look in the bag now?” he suggested.

“I thought I wasn’t allowed to.”

“Just take a look,” he said, “I think it’ll calm your nerves.”

The bag sat between your legs, so you pulled it up to sit in your lap. Inside the bag was a beautiful green fabric. It felt expensive to the touch. When you pulled it up, you saw that it was a dress - a gorgeous, designer dress. Looking at the bag again, you finally recognize the high fashion brand.

“Jihoon…” You were at a loss for words.

“You’ll have time to freshen up inside, then you can put it on for me.” His eyes stayed on the road, but his ears turned red. “And there’s something else in there too… but you probably don’t want to pull it up in front of the window.”

You rummaged through the bag, seeing something lacy at the bottom of it. Turning to Jihoon with wide eyes, he still didn’t meet your gaze but was smiling. The two of you weren’t necessarily an innocent couple, you were not abstinent, but this was something that he hadn’t done for you before. Any nerves that you had felt before were now replaced with pure excitement. If this was just the beginning, then what else did he have planned?

The two of you made your way up to your suite rather easily. Jihoon got the keycard from the reception and helped carry your bags to the elevator. There weren’t many people around, seeing as you had just missed rush hour, and you ended up getting the elevator all to yourselves. The eleventh button was glowing. You couldn’t remember if you had ever been in a hotel room so high up. While you were lost in your thoughts, Jihoon snuck up right next to you and wrapped his arm around your waist. The bags were on the floor right by your feet, right next to the bag with your dress. The memory of the silky fabric made you smile. He had found something to your taste just for this occasion.

“I’m going to order some food when we get up,” Jihoon said. “But there’s a very nice bathroom with a waterfall shower so, if you want to freshen up before we go out later, I can postpone dinner.”

“We’re eating dinner in the hotel room, but still going out after?” You turned to him with an intrigued look. “What do you have planned?”

“It’s a secret.”

The suite was huge - which, to be fair, is what you should expect from a suite. When you walked in, you were met with the king-sized bed, its headboard against the wall. To the left of it were the windows and balcony, and if it hadn’t been for the cold, you would’ve stepped out on it immediately. To the right of the bed, the floor dipped down one step. There stood what seemed to be a jacuzzi. It was covered with a gray sheet, but the nozzle was still visible. On the other side of the jacuzzi was another small step up and a door - which you assumed was the bathroom.

“Where do you want your things?” Jihoon asked after putting his bag next to the bed.

“I’ll take it to the bathroom,” you hummed.

Jihoon gave you a small nod and a smile before handing you your bag. You carried your bag across the room to the bathroom. Once the door closed, Jihoon’s smile faded. He hated that he had to figure all of this out through Soonyoung. The history between you and your ex, the meaning of Valentine’s Day for you, and even what you wanted. It felt like he didn’t know you at all, even if you had been friends before you started seeing each other romantically. A big clump of sorrow had grown in his throat ever since he talked to Soonyoung about you earlier that day.

He was in his studio, working like any other day of the week. You had told him that you’d rather not do Valentine’s Day. That it wasn’t your thing, and Jihoon had taken that at face value and respected it. He thought it was what he was supposed to do as your boyfriend. If it weren’t for the city's decorations, he would have completely forgotten the holiday. In fact, he had forgotten that it was the fourteenth already. It was only when Soonyoung burst in with a cute bouquet that he remembered what day it was.

“Happy Valentine’s Day!” Soonyoung had shouted jokingly as he handed him the bouquet.

There was a small pink note attached to it. It said “Be Mine?” in curvy red letters. Jihoon scoffed at the gifts but still put them somewhere he wouldn’t forget them. The flowers had a small plastic bag with a wet paper towel wrapped around their ends, so they could make it another few hours before he put them in a vase.

“Where did you even find a floral shop right now? It’s only eight in the morning.”

“I have my ways.” Soonyoung shrugged. “What do you have planned for tonight?”

“Nothing,” Jihoon said nonchalantly.

The sudden silence from his usually loud friend made Jihoon push off one of the ear cushions of his headphones and turn to him.

“What?” he asked.

“You’re not doing anything for Valentine’s Day?” Soonyoung was unusually serious.

“Y/N said that she’d rather not do anything,” he answered. “Am I not supposed to respect that?”

“Did you ask her why?”

“I just assumed she didn’t like this kind of stuff. She doesn’t like those cheesy things.” Jihoon tried to brush off the sudden feeling of stress that he had done something wrong, but Soonyoung’s sad face only made him worry more.

“Maybe not, but you didn’t plan anything at all?”

“What?”

Soonyoung sighed, before going to make himself comfortable on Jihoon’s couch. Jihoon followed his friend’s every movement, suddenly feeling like it was hard to breathe. Had he really done something wrong by just respecting your wishes?

“I’m going to assume you don’t know anything,” he said.

“Know what?” Jihoon started getting frustrated.

“Okay, well… do you remember that guy Y/N was with a few years back?”

“You don’t have to remind me…” Jihoon sighed and leaned his head back. “Yes. I know what happened between them and that she hasn’t seen him since.”

“Yeah, but you don’t know about Valentine’s,” Soonyoung explained, “She broke up with him the day after- I don’t know all the details, but they fought about what to do on Valentine’s. She was trying to keep the relationship together, and he just snapped - said he didn’t like the fourteenth and basically made her feel like a burden for trying to patch things together.”

Jihoon put his face in his hands, trying to navigate how to handle this new information. How could he have known? Maybe he should have asked, but he didn’t want to intrude on her privacy… Everybody told him that communication is key, but nobody warned him that it would be this difficult.

“Y/N loves Valentine’s Day, as long as it’s not some cheesy thing- she didn’t lie to you about that,” Soonyoung said, “She’s just scared that if she put pressure on you about it, you’d blow up on her.”

“Why would she think that?”

“Because everyone’s not always rational.” Soonyoung stood back up and walked over to him. “Like you right now, you’re probably worrying about her not feeling safe around you. She does. She just has her problems to deal with. Instead of worrying, you should do something.”

“What? Like dinner and a movie?”

“No-” Soonyoung cleared his throat. “No. That’s what she wanted to do with her ex. Find something else.”

“What do people do on Valentine’s?” Jihoon’s eyebrows furrowed as he tried to find the answer to his question in some corner of his mind.

“Wine tasting.”

“Wine tasting?”

“She’s always wanted to go, and I know a place- and the owner…” He paused and quickly added, “Well… Mingyu knows the owner, but you get my point.”

“And you think Y/N wants that?”

“Definitely. Go find Mingyu and ask him to help you out.”

“I will, thank you.” Jihoon stood up and walked over to the door but turned to face his friend again. “When did you start acting wise?”

“I’m a man of many mysteries.” Soonyoung joked. “You can thank me by letting me borrow your studio.”

“... fine.”

“Yes!” He quickly got up his phone and started tapping. “If you see me go live, no, you don’t.”

Not even wanting to think about what that meant, Jihoon left the studio with a huff.

The sound of the water turning on in the shower brought Jihoon out of his thoughts. You seemed happy, albeit nervous, so he shouldn’t have anything to worry about… but he couldn’t help worrying about you and your feelings. He would do anything to make you forget about your past connotations with today. Jihoon got out his phone and looked at his messages. “Do you know that Soonyoung’s in your studio right now?” sent in different variations from many different people… he would have to worry about this later. Tonight was supposed to be all about you, so he turned off his phone and put it back in his pocket.

You were blissfully unaware of Jihoon’s troubles as you stood in the stream of the waterfall shower. The warm water created a comforting barrier around your body. The steam from it created a mist that seemed to silence all sounds except the water hitting the floor. You could close your eyes and forget everything around you for a moment. Letting the water run over your head yet another time before turning the nozzle off, you let yourself have a moment of pure silence. Without the water running down your body, the cold air started tickling your skin. You reached outside the shower and grabbed your towel, drying yourself off before wrapping it around you.

The bathroom of the suite was as luxurious as the rest of it. There was a window, currently fogged up from the steam, facing another part of the city than the windows in the bedroom. The toilet seemed to have different settings, given the many buttons you didn’t dare touch, and the sink had a wide marble top. In a box on the sink, there were a plethora of travel-sized sample products - and you looked through their assortment before doing your skincare. You could hear Jihoon talking on the other side of the door, probably ordering the two of you room service, but his voice was too muffled for you to hear what he was saying. You wondered just how much Soonyoung had told Jihoon for him to act this way. Jihoon wasn’t neglectful. However, he didn’t always know how to express how he felt through acts of service or coming up with cute dates. The two of you spent most of your time together the way you had when you were just friends, with some changes of course. Your most precious memories with Jihoon were from the simple times; watching movies together, going out to get coffee, or laying in bed together during the morning when neither of you could get up. He knew he didn’t have to do something like this, you had told him yourself, but he decided to do it anyway. You smiled to yourself as you put on the fluffy hotel bathrobe.

When you got out of the bathroom, you looked to your left to see an entire area of the room that you seemed to have missed. Your want for a luxurious shower was bigger than your want to explore the room, it seemed. The unknown area of the hotel room had a couch with a TV in front of it and a lonely armchair standing in the corner. There was a small bar with a minifridge, and on the coffee table stood a pink, heart-shaped box and a bouquet of red roses in a vase. Beside the coffee table stood a very flustered Jihoon, looking puzzled at the sight of the box and flowers.

“Are those for us?” You asked, making Jihoon look at you.

He paused for a moment at the sight, forgetting the box of chocolates on the table, his jaw first going slack before he started smiling. Clearing his throat, he looked back at the coffee table and picked up a note to show you.

“It looks that way,” he said.

You took the note from him; “Enjoy the evening! Happy Valentine’s Day, from the staff of Prestige View,” it said in bold golden letters. You turned it around in your hand, but there was nothing else on the back.

“I told them it was a Valentine’s getaway. I didn’t think they’d do something like this so last minute,” Jihoon said and took another look at you. “Did you enjoy the shower?”

“It was the most wonderful shower I’ve had in a while.” You put down the card and approached him with your arms open. “Thank you for doing this. It’s very sweet.”

“You don’t have to thank me… I wanted to do this,” he assured you as he wrapped his arms around you.

Jihoon nuzzled his head into the crook of your neck, and you could feel his cool breaths against your warm skin. You squeezed him tighter as he whispered how beautiful you looked. It was barely audible, and you silently acknowledged it by pressing a kiss to the side of his head. He pulled away from you with a small smile, his eyes sparkling with adoration. Your moment was ruined by a knock at your door and a voice shouting, “Room service!”.

“I’ll get that; make yourself comfortable.” Jihoon left your side.

You sat down on the plush cushions of the couch, practically sinking into the fabric - almost like floating on a cloud. Just as you put a blanket over your legs, Jihoon comes back with a big tray. You let out a delighted gasp as he put it down on the coffee table.

“You still like sushi, right?” Jihoon joked as he went to grab two bottles of water from the mini-fridge.

“Yes.” You looked over the large tray and the many different kinds of sushi bites.

Quickly, you patted the space beside you for him to sit down. Jihoon put the bottles on the table and sat down. You captured his face with your hands and brought your lips to his cheek for a thank-you kiss. The sudden act of affection had the man beside you stumped - barely moving while you reached for the tray with your chopsticks.

“You’re being ridiculous,” he chortled with a reddened face.

“No, am not- dish ish amashing,” you said with your hand over your mouth to hide the piece of sushi you were still chewing.

You looked over at Jihoon, who had still not touched the food. He was still stuck looking at you as if he was trying to memorize every detail of how you looked at this moment. With one hand, he reached over to your head and ruffled your hair despite your grunts of protest coming from you.

“Eat well,” he said and started eating himself.

Once the food was finished, at least as much as you could muster, and after a food coma nap on the couch, the two of you started getting ready for the mysterious evening. Whatever he had planned, Jihoon wasn’t telling you. All you knew was that he wanted you to wear the dress he had gotten you, so while Jihoon was in the shower, you picked up the bag and looked at the garments inside. It was a silky dress and lingerie with a matching color. The thought of your boyfriend knowing exactly what you were wearing under your dress throughout the rest of the evening felt exciting in some strange way.

Your fingers grazed the green fabric of the dress - you were almost too afraid to put it on. It looked expensive. A part of you wondered how he had gotten it so fast. Had he gotten someone else to get it for him? Had he gone into stores himself? Picturing it in your head almost made you start laughing. You could see him furrowing his brows at the sizes and different shapes. Mustering up the courage to put it on, you sadly find out that the underwear doesn’t fit very comfortably. And although you want to wear it for him, it would just not work. So you put on the undergarments that you had brought with you - which were not as luxurious as the ones he had bought, but they were still pretty. You had packed it at the last minute, just in case you needed it. More importantly, the dress fit you perfectly to the point that you questioned how he could pick it out.

When Jihoon got out of the bathroom, he was already dressed. His hair was still slightly damp, it was slicked back to the best of his abilities, but a few strands of hair still fell over his face. His all-black suit made you think of one of those dramas where the main female character gets together with a demon.

“You look beautiful,” he said, but his eyes drifted over to the bed where the lingerie he bought was still lying. “Are you…”

“It didn’t fit,” you answered quickly. “I put on something that I brought. I hope that’s okay.”

“Of course, it’s okay.” He walked over to the bed to return the garments in their bag. “I’ll just get you a better size next time.”

“Next time?” You raised your eyebrows in surprise.

“Sure, why not?” He put the bag down on the floor and turned back to you. “I liked getting you these…”

“Well, I won’t stop you.” You walked up next to him and held onto his arm. “You look very handsome, by the way.”

Jihoon put his hand on top of yours, still holding onto his forearm, and gently squeezed it as a silent thank you. A soft squeeze of your hand was his usual way of communicating things to you that he didn’t know how to express verbally. The casual compliment proved too much for him; he avoided eye contact, and you could see his ears turning red. You would never think that this man could get so flustered the first time you talked to him. He was quiet then too, but he was calm and collected. Maybe it was a front, and maybe he was good at hiding these things from strangers - either way, you were happy that he felt a little more comfortable now.

The two of you made your way to the hotel restaurant, and you were looking for something that could tell you what you were in for. Dark hallways and furniture, lit up by elegant chandeliers in the ceiling and sleek lights on the walls, made the hotel seem endless. You and Jihoon walked in comfortable silence, mostly because you were trying to focus on finding signs. There were other people around you dressed in visibly expensive clothes, so you knew that it wasn’t a private event. However, you had no idea what kind of thing Jihoon could come up with.

At the entrance to the restaurant, you were greeted by a tall man with a slim mustache. He was dressed in the colors of the hotel and had a small name tag. You neither had the time nor energy to read what it said, as it was written in complicated cursive, and the man quickly opened the door for you after Jihoon said his name. In the restaurant, there were round tables placed in a half-circle. By each table stood two chairs, and the man by the door brought you to one by a large floor-to-ceiling window. Out the window, you could see the entire city. It wasn’t very late, so most of the windows in the buildings surrounding you were lit. The man pulled the chair out for you, and you sat down.

“Thank you,” you said, and the man walked away.

A tall candle, a small plate and knife, and a myriad of wine glasses were on the table. In front of you was a small card, and on the front of it said “Menu” in the same kind of cursive as on the man’s ineffective name tag.

“Are we eating more?” you asked with a worried glance at Jihoon.

“Open it,” he answered simply.

You opened the card and read a list of French and Italian names, most of which you couldn’t pronounce.

“Wine?” You looked back up at Jihoon with big eyes. “Is this a wine-tasting event?”

“Do you like it?”

“Are you kidding? I love it,” you said with a big smile. “Thank you, honey.”

Jihoon didn’t have time to respond as another man, dressed similarly to the man by the door, stood in the middle of the half-circle and began speaking. The murmur of the people in the room died down as everyone turned their attention to the man.

“Welcome to our Valentine’s wine-tasting event,” he said with a clear and loud voice, “I will be presenting the wines for you all tonight, along with the assortment of refreshments that go along with them. To start the night, our servers are currently providing you with an extra dry Prosecco.”

A server approached your table and poured the sparkling wine into your glasses as if on cue. The murmur started up again as everyone began talking about the wine. You thanked the waiter, and he walked away.

“This 2022 sparkling wine, made of the Glera grape, has hints of apple and honey,” the wine presenter said. “This is produced in the province of Trieste, Italy…”

The man kept talking, but you started to tune him out when he started saying words you didn’t recognize. You carefully sniffed the wine before taking a sip of it.

“Good?” Jihoon asked.

“Very good.” You put your glass down and opened the booklet of wines. “I don’t know how much I should drink of it… how many glasses are on the menu?”

“Six,” he answered. “Including the Prosecco.”

You looked at the list; Pinot Grigio, Chardonnay, Merlot, Nebbiolo, and Vin Santo… yeah, you’d be drunk by the end. The glasses weren’t extremely big, and they certainly didn’t fill the glass all the way, but there was no way you’d walk out of here just barely tipsy if you drank everything.

“Drink as much as you want, okay?” Jihoon brought you out of your spiraling thoughts. “I’ll take care of you- even if I have to carry you out of here.”

You chuckled at his joke and comfortably brought the glass of Prosecco to your lips again. Jihoon was still looking at you when you put your glass down. He had a certain look in his eye that you had only really seen a couple of times before. Mischief mixed with something sentimental - playful and romantic.

“What?” You asked.

“All of this…” He motioned to your surroundings. “It suits you… it’s sexy.”

“Sexy?” You raised your brows as you raised your glass to your lips again. “Good to know.”

Jihoon looked away from you, one of his hands coming up to hide his reddened face. He let out a huff and straightened his back.

“I just mean that-”

“No, I heard you,” you teased.

Before Jihoon could get another word in, the servers came out with the next wine; Pinot Grigio, paired with small crackers with goat cheese and apricot jam. The presenter began speaking about the wine again, but your head was already buzzing, and you were far too distracted to listen to him. One of your feet was running up the inside of Jihoon’s calf. Your hand was resting on the table between you, and Jihoon quickly put his hand on top of yours.

“What are you up to?” He asked with a strained smile.

“Hm?”

“What are you doing?”

“Nothing.” You picked up the second glass of wine as you brought your foot up higher.

You brought the wine to your lips, letting out a delighted hum before putting the glass down again. Jihoon squeezed your hand as your foot was now brushing against the inside of his thigh. Instead of backing down, you let go of Jihoon’s hand and picked up one of the crackers. A little bit of jam got on your finger as you put the appetizer in your mouth. You locked eyes with him as you put the tip of your finger in your mouth.

“You’re insatiable,” he said.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You shrugged and grabbed your drink again.

Jihoon shook his head slowly, picking up his glass. However, just as he started to enjoy teasing, you brought your foot back down. He gave you a confused look, trying to figure out your motive.

“Did you like the wine?” You asked, ignoring the tension growing between you.

After each glass, the soft buzzing feeling in your head grew more prominent. You got giggly and touchy - you couldn’t seem to let go of Jihoon’s hand across the table. The restaurant offered you bread and other refreshments along with your drinks and played romantic ballads over the speakers. It wasn’t like anything you had done with Jihoon before, but it was just perfect for tonight. Your teasing under the table had stopped, although you sometimes nudged your foot next to his, but the tension it had left between you didn’t break. At this point, you weren’t listening to the wine presenter nor taking his advice on how you should drink the wine. Maybe some of the wine-tasting experience was gone because of it, but you were more than content with the night still. When they brought out the Vin Santo, they also came out with a dessert; a tiramisu shaped into a heart and two spoons. Jihoon quickly picked up one of the spoons and let it sink into the dessert. The spoon dipped into the creamy dessert, ruining the layer of cacao powder laying on top. Picking the spoon back up with a perfectly bite-sized piece on it, he held it up to your mouth.

“Are you feeding me?” You asked with a giggle.

“I want you to have the first bite.” He smiled and urged the spoon toward you again.

You opened your mouth and as you closed it around the spoon, you were hit with an explosion of flavor - the strong espresso, the bitter cacao, and the sweet lady-fingers and cream. The two of you laughed, for no real reason, as Jihoon pulled back the spoon.

“This has been so nice,” you said and motioned to the last glass on the table. “But I won’t be able to finish this drink…”

“That’s alright,” he hummed. “Do you want to… go back to our room?”

“Yes, please.”

After, not so carefully, sneaking out of the restaurant while the wine presenter was talking, you walked through the long hallways towards your room. Jihoon's hand was at first only placed on your lower back, but eventually snuck around your waist to keep the both of you upright. The two of you had been drinking a lot, but the long walk helped sober you up just a little. You'd definitely get a headache in the morning, but it wasn't something you couldn't handle. As the two of you finally got to your hallway, you were ready to throw yourself in bed - but Jihoon apparently had other plans.

“I still have another surprise for you, you know.” He held your waist firmer, keeping you close to his side. “They should’ve set it up for us in the room by now.”

You excitedly giggled as you watched Jihoon fumble with the keycard before unlocking the door. As soon as he opened it, the smell of roses hit your nose. By your feet laid a trail of red rose petals, which was leading you into the room. You followed the trail with careful steps and looked up as they came to a stop. The jacuzzi was now turned on and bubbling. In the water, even more rose petals were floating. Jihoon came up behind you and wrapped his strong arms around your waist.

“Is it okay?” He whispered next to your ear.

“It’s perfect,” you answered softly and with a warm smile. “If this is last minute, I can’t even imagine what you could do with time on your hands.”

“You could find out,” he suggested and pressed a kiss to the area where your neck meets your shoulder.

Jihoon’s words, although softly spoken and barely over a whisper, sent a shiver down your spine. His hands played with the fabric of your dress, and you leaned back against his chest to fully welcome his embrace. The soft kisses he was placing on your shoulder and neck didn’t stop, and you leaned your head to the side to allow him more access.

“I’d love to keep this going,” you whispered. “But I don’t want to waste all this.”

Your boyfriend sighed and let you go, the absence of his arms leaving a chilly imprint around your waist. You went to take off your shoes. After putting your feet on the floor, you looked up to see Jihoon taking out his button-up from his pants to unbutton it. You watched in anticipation as he shrugged off the shirt, watching the muscles in his back move as he did. He threw his shirt on a chair before unbuckling his belt, all while being unaware of you ogling at him. When his pants had been unbuttoned, he finally looked back at you - at your fully dressed form.

“Are you going to make me get in alone?” He asked.

“I…” You paused to find an excuse. “Well, since I didn't have time to get you a Valentine's Day present, I thought you could unwrap me instead.”

"Ah, so that's the only reason you were just standing there looking at me?" Jihoon teased.

"Definitely." You nodded, content with your answer.

Jihoon motioned for you to come over to him, which you quickly did. You had no trouble unzipping yourself from this dress but getting a little help never hurt. His hands made work of your zipper, slowly dragging it down your back. The soft touch of his fingers tracing the edges of your lingerie had your head buzzing more than the amount of wine you had been drinking.

“Thank you,” you murmured and let the straps slide off your shoulders.

It always felt a little nerve-wracking to get undressed in front of him - being vulnerable with him like this was still somewhat new to you. Nevertheless, the feeling of him embracing you again comforted you.

“You look beautiful,” he said. "I thought it'd be fun to buy lingerie for you, but letting it be a surprise might be better..."

You got out of his grip and turned to him, putting a hand on his chest to prevent him from wrapping his arms around you again. Jihoon was grinning like a love-sick fool - an expression that you hadn’t seen much of before, but that you could definitely get used to.

“Stop fooling around,” you said. “We haven’t even gotten in the hot tub yet…”

"Then let me finish unwrapping my present," he argued with a flirtatious tone.

You let your hand fall to your side, allowing Jihoon to approach you again. His hands went behind your back, playing with the edge of your lingerie again before unhooking the bra. He took his hands back from behind you and gently, almost innocently, pulled the straps of your bra down. The garment fell to the floor with a soft thud. Jihoon brushed your hair to the side, pressing a few kisses on your neck before trailing them down your clavicle; down between the valley of your breast, over your stomach. When he was down on his knees, he looked back up you - silently asking for permission as he played with the hem of your panties. You nodded, and Jihoon pressed a kiss to your hipbone before pulling them down.

After getting fully undressed, and after Jihoon grabbed the box of chocolates and two bottles of water, you sat down in the jacuzzi. With one hand, he opened up the box and put the lid on the floor. He picked up a random piece and put it in his mouth, making a weird grimace.

“Not good?” You asked.

“No.” He shook his head. “Could you hand me the water?”

You picked up one of the bottles for him, unscrewing the top and handing it to him before you grabbed the second bottle for yourself. Drinking the cold water contrasted nicely with the hot bath. While it didn’t help you to sober up completely, it helped you clear your head a little.

“Sad to let them go to waste…” you said as you put the cap back on your bottle, and he hummed in agreement.

“I’ll take them with me, maybe someone else likes them.” He put down the water bottle and offered to put yours down as well, which you gladly accepted.

Jihoon let out a sigh and leaned his head back, while you moved over to sit beside him. One of your hands caressed his chest and landed on his shoulder, while your head rested on his other shoulder. Jihoon wrapped one of his arms around your frame, trying to pull you impossibly close.

“Tonight was perfect,” you confessed.

“You’re talking like the night’s over.” He turned his head to look at you.

“It’s not over?”

“It doesn’t have to be.” Jihoon cupped your face in his palm, bringing your face closer to his.

The two of you looked into each others’ eyes before he suddenly broke out into an embarrassed fit of giggles. His forehead leaned against yours.

“Sorry… that was cheesy, wasn’t it?” His thumb was caressing your cheekbone, slowly going back and forth over the soft skin.

“It was sweet,” you assured him. “But a little bit cheesy, yes.”

He let out another short laugh and turned away from you, suddenly very shy. Your hand left his shoulder to turn his face back to you. The way that he looked at you drowned out all sound, even the sound of the hot tub jets, and for a moment you let yourself be engulfed by bliss. It wasn’t how you had imagined spending Valentine’s Day - it was better than you could have imagined. You wrapped your arms around Jihoon’s neck and brought him closer for a kiss. At first, it was gentle, practically just a peck, but then you grew hungry. In a sudden need for more, you pressed your lips against his again. Your lips danced for dominance, all the while Jihoon gripped your hips to maneuver you to straddle his lap. Everything was spinning, you found yourself completely lost in his kiss - only for Jihoon to break it, the feeling of him smiling against your lips making you smile as well.

“What?” you asked, out of breath.

“Nothing,” he said. “Just you.”

You rolled your eyes at his comment, but couldn’t help your smile growing wider. Jihoon pressed another kiss to the corner of your lips, then on your jaw, down your neck, and on your clavicle. Exploring every inch of you that he could reach, Jihoon pulled you in closer. The action made you come closer to his already hardened cock. Testing out the waters, you started slowly grinding against him. Between lingering kisses against your skin, Jihoon let out soft groans and whimpers - it wasn’t even in his head to tell you to stop. Your fingers raked through his hair, silently urging him to keep going.

“Jihoon.” You let out a shaky breath. “Baby…”

“What?” He pulled away and looked up at you, pupils blown out to double their normal size and hair messy by your doing. “Is something wrong?”

“Yes,” you whimpered. “I need you.”

“In here?” He looked amused at your sudden desire. “Right now?”

“I don’t care-”

In a split second, Jihoon manhandled you to sit with your back against his chest. Water splashed around the tub, possibly spilling off the edge as laughter spilled from your lips. One of Jihoon’s arms was wrapped around your waist, while his other hand was spreading your thighs apart. His lips were back on your neck again - his kisses and his fingers drawing patterns on the inside of your thigh were making you dizzy.

“Is this okay?” He asked.

“Yes.”

At this point, you were aching - the simple touch of his hand where you needed him most had you falling apart. While his middle- and ring finger circled your clit, his other hand ran across your body. Jihoon was everywhere, there was no way you could escape him - so you let yourself be engulfed by all of him, slowly sinking into your body. Your mouth hung open, and your moans and whines were impossible to hide. His hot breath fanned against your neck, teeth grazing against the delicate skin before his soothing tongue made contact with it. His other hand reached your chest, fingers circling your nipple. Suddenly, in desperate need to ground yourself, you grabbed his hand. Your breath hitched in your throat as his fingers plunged inside you, his palm still grazing against your clit. The grip you had on his hand tightened, and you could feel him smiling against your neck. Jihoon’s hand moved expertly as if he already knew every crevice of your body - and where his touch would drive you mad. Your hips stuttered against his hand.

“There you go,” he murmured in your ear. “Fall apart on my fingers, baby, you can let go.”

The feeling of him lightly biting down on your earlobe, and the persistent thrusting of his fingers, made something snap in your lower stomach. A wave of pleasure washed over you, your body moving on its own against his hand. You could hear water splashing on the floor, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care about it at that moment. Jihoon left his hand in between your legs, letting you ride out your high against it. His other hand lovingly held onto yours still, not even planning on letting go unless you did so first.

“Are you alright, darling?” His velvety voice brought you back to the real world.

As soon as you tried to move, Jihoon helped you to move your legs to sit across his lap. Leaning your head against his shoulder, you finally found your voice.

“I’m more than alright,” you answered.

One of Jihoon’s hands rested on your back, while the other held your legs. In his arms, you were safe - you had a feeling you always would be. You snuggled your face into the crook of his neck and closed your eyes. However, the feeling of something hard pressing against your thigh had your mind drift off to other things.

“Jihoon?”

He hummed in response.

“Could you help me get to bed?”

“Tired already?”

“Not a chance.”

The two of you managed to get out of the hot tub and dry off quickly - not caring about being completely dry before moving over to the bed. Plush pillows and covers welcomed you as you practically jump into them. You held out your arms to Jihoon, and he quickly came to your embrace. Leaning over you, his hair fell in front of his face - but he didn’t seem to mind. Instead of brushing it to the side, he leaned down and placed a kiss on your lips. Clearly, he had a more important objective, and so it was up to you to brush his hair away from his face. You held it back, intertwining your fingers in his locks, and he let out a delighted sigh as your nails gently scratched against his scalp.

“Let me take care of you too,” you suggested as you broke the kiss.

For a moment, Jihoon considered it. He couldn’t deny that he loved having your lips wrapped around his cock, or even just your hand, but he couldn’t forget why he was here in the first place.

“Tonight’s about you,” he reminded you. “Just relax and let me take care of the rest.”

You couldn’t exactly say no to that kind of proposition. One of Jihoon’s hands traveled down your body again, separating your legs for a second time tonight. You wrapped your legs around his hips, pulling him closer. The soft and slow was nice, but now you were getting antsy. A smile flashed across Jihoon’s face, which he tried to hide by biting down on his bottom lip. Showing him your unabashed want for him was something he’d never get used to. As he lined himself up with your core, you moved your hands to grip onto his shoulders. The stretch of him entering still managed to feel like the first time you had been with him like this. As he bottomed out, you let out a guttural moan - still sensitive from your earlier orgasm.

“Fuck, you feel amazing…” Jihoon rested his head in the crook of your neck.

Having struggled through the entire night, trying not to take you on the couch earlier or even on top of the restaurant table, this alone was almost too much. The sting from your nails digging into his back cleared up his fogged-up head slightly, and he started moving. Jihoon’s movements were slow, agonizingly so, but if he moved any faster he was afraid he might cum on the spot. This entire night had been a tease for him, and now that he finally got what he wanted he didn’t know how to act. Jihoon lifted his head and looked at your face. Your eyebrows were furrowed, your eyes shut tight, and your bottom lip slipped between your teeth. Brushing his thumb against your cheek, and cupping your face in his palm, your eyes fluttered open to look at him.

“Please, Jihoon,” you whimpered. “Just a little faster?”

How could he say no to you? His hips picked up their pace, while his head was back in the crook of your neck. You let out a surprised moan as his teeth dug into your skin, as he tried to contain himself. How could you look more beautiful every time he laid his eyes upon you? Jihoon swore that you’d kill him someday if it continued like this. He leaned back up on his arm. The hand that wasn’t holding him up went to grab your thigh, pulling one of your legs up to rest on his shoulder. A string of swears flooded out of his mouth, and he switched positions so that he was sitting up. Your hips were pulled up on his thighs, your back arched up from the bed, and your jaw went slack as Jihoon’s hips pistoned into you - hitting a spot inside you each time that made you see stars. Your hands went to grab something, anything and landed on the sheets. The white fluffy sheets creased under the pressure of your grip. You couldn’t hold it in anymore - between managing to hit your g-spot with each thrust and your previous orgasm, you were getting all too close to the edge.

“Oh- shit,” you moaned. “I’m gonna cum-”

“Cum for me, baby,” he groaned in response.

Your body twitched as you let go, cumming a second time this night. Jihoon, filled with a sudden determination, didn’t stop. He switched positions to lean over you again. The more intimate position allowed you to grab onto him again. Even when you had come down from your orgasm, he didn’t stop - and you weren’t about to tell him to to do so.

“Give me another one,” he practically begged.

“I can’t-”

“Yes you can, darling,” he growled. “Just let go of everything, just focus on me.”

Your legs were around his hips again, and your arms wrapped around his neck. Jihoon leaned his forehead against yours, his eyes staring into your soul. One of his hands slipped between your bodies, messily rubbing your swollen clit. You felt like you were about to explode, spasming at his movements.

“Fuck- I love you,” he groaned, “Cum for me again, darling- cum with me…”

At his command, your eyes rolled into the back of your head as you came for a third time. Jihoon followed shortly after, pulling out to cum on your stomach. He threw his head back as he pumped his cock with his fist. Your limbs were unmovable, falling to the bed with a thump. His words rang in your ears. “I love you”. Was it a slip-up? Something that just happened in the heat of the moment? Or did he mean it? You didn’t have much time to think about it. Jihoon placed a kiss on your forehead, mumbling something about getting you cleaned up, before he got off the bed and went over to the bathroom.

Jihoon came back with the forgotten water bottles from before and a warm, wet towel - cleaning you up with a gentle touch, making sure that he wasn’t too rough with your aching body. When he was done, helped you under the covers before he got in himself. The water bottles were standing on the bedside table, waiting for you tomorrow morning when you’d need them most. You lay on your side, and Jihoon curled up next to you - his arms wrapped around your frame. The words he had spoken never left your thoughts. Jihoon, unaware of your spiraling thoughts, cuddled closer to you, but your stiff body caught him off guard.

“Are you okay? You’re not hurt, are you?” He asked quickly.

“No- no… I’m fine,” you said. “It’s just… did you mean that?”

“What did I say?” Jihoon’s eyes widened.

“When you-… before-… you said ‘I love you’,” you mumbled.

With his body lying so close to you, you could hear his breath hitch. A moment of silence passed between the two of you. Jihoon’s fingers were nervously drumming against your back, you could almost hear the gears in his brain turning to think of something to say. He stirred around the bed, moving to look at you. There was no regret in his eyes, only worry.

“I’m sorry-”

“I love you too.”

Jihoon let out a short breath, which turned into a relieved laugh. The sound of his laugh made you relax, melting into his embrace again. You were struck with a sudden wave of embarrassment, hiding your face in his chest. He put his chin on the top of your head, wrapping his arms tighter around you.

“I didn’t mean to let it slip out like that,” he murmured. “I mean- I was planning on telling you, just not… like that.”

“I know,” you said and adjusted yourself to look back at him again.

Jihoon’s body relaxed under your hands, his muscles releasing any sign of tension. There was a little voice in your head, anxiously asking “What now?”, but you decided to ignore it for now. At this point, you had no reason to worry. You had an entire future ahead of you, and you got to spend it with the man lying next to you. It was more than you could ask for. Suddenly, Jihoon got a weird look on his face - as if he had just remembered something important that he had forgotten to do.

“Shit… did I forget to ask you to be my Valentine?” he asked.

You thought back to the day, trying to remember if he had ever carried out the silly tradition, and couldn’t recall that he had asked you.

“I think so,” you hummed. “You have to hurry, the day’s almost over.”

There wasn’t a clock nearby that you could check, it might have already been the fifteenth, but you couldn’t find it in you to care. Jihoon cleared his throat ceremoniously and tried his best not to burst out laughing again.

“Will you be my Valentine, Y/N?”

“I’ll always be your Valentine, Jihoon,” you answered.

Quiet laughs echoed through the big room, as the two of you lay in bed talking until you fell asleep.

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . ⁺ 　 ✦ B O N U S ✦ ⁺ ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . ⁺ 　

"Sooo?"

Jihoon hadn't even noticed that Soonyoung had approached him, or that he was even in the building, and jumped a little as the man came up beside him.

"So what?" Jihoon kept walking towards the elevator.

"How was the date?"

"Good."

"Just good?"

"Yeah."

The two of them stood in silence, both of them waiting for the elevator to reach their floor. Jihoon adjusted his sunglasses and hoodie, trying to not avoid the bright lights as much as possible. He had wanted to stay at the hotel with you, to spend a quiet morning in bed together was all he wanted. However, when he's suddenly called into an important meeting he can't just ignore it - no matter how much he wanted to. Jihoon let out a quiet sigh. You were probably still in bed right now. He had paid the hotel to make sure you could take as long as you wanted to get up, all you had to do was leave the keycard in the reception before you left. As Soonyoung started whistling, Jihoon seriously started to regret not giving into your pleading to stay in bed with you. He'd kill to get to still be under those covers - he'd even let you press your cold feet against his warm body if it meant that Soonyoung would just stop whistling.

"Would you stop that?" He hissed.

"Damn... you woke up on the wrong side of the bed." Soonyoung huffed. "Poor Y/N... she probably can't even walk, right?"

"What?"

"Because of the hangover," he explained. "If you're like this, I can only imagine what it's like for her. How much did you drink last night?"

Jihoon stayed quiet.

"Wait, what did you think I meant?" Soonyoung asked with a knowing smile.

"Shut up," Jihoon groaned.

"I'm just joking, come on!" He poked Jihoon's arm. "Did you bring me back a souvenir?"

Jihoon, struck with a sudden wave of evil genius, reached into his bag and took out the weird-tasting chocolates. He handed them to Soonyoung, who giddily accepted them.

"Chocolates? For me? Gosh, you're such a romantic!"

Finally, the doors to the elevator opened with a pleasant ding. The two idols walked in, still completely silent. Seokmin came running down the hall, holding his hand out and shouting at them to hold the elevator. Jihoon held his hand out before the doors could close, and the younger man managed to get in just in time.

"Thank you," he said breathlessly.

The elevator started going up, while the three of them stood in silence. However, Seokmin quickly took note of the big pink box Soonyoung was holding.

"Who gave you chocolates? Isn't it a little late."

"Jihoon got them for me," Soonyoung bragged.

"Is that true?" Seokmin looked over at Jihoon who nodded. "Wow, I almost thought you'd bite his head off after Soonyoung's live yesterday... I mean I know it was Carat Day, but I didn't expect you to do that in..."

Soonyoung tried to shush the younger man, but it was already too late. Jihoon sighed, and turned his head to the elevator doors again. Maybe turning off his phone for the night wasn't the best idea, even if it was worth it to spend a quiet evening with you.

"Soonyoung," Jihoon said with a stern voice. "What did you do in my studio?"

638 notes · View notes

nadvs · 4 days

Text

imperfect strangers (one-shot)

pairing zach maclaren x female reader

rating explicit 18+

summary after a painful break-up, you and zach go no contact, agreeing it’s best to cut yourselves out of each other’s lives. when he cracks and texts you a month later that he’ll be at your college for a game, you lie to yourself that seeing him can’t be that bad of an idea.

» masterlist

· · ── ࣪ ⊹ ࣪ ── · ·

Zach has been dreading tomorrow’s game. And it’s only because it’s at your college.

He keeps going back and forth on if he should break the promise he made to you and himself that he wouldn’t contact you.

He blames the fatigue from a strenuous practice. It’s what muddles his mind and makes him give in.

You two agreed that cutting all ties was best. But he’s just reaching out to an old friend that he might run into. That’s what he tells himself.

You’re sitting in a lecture when Zach’s name flashes on your phone. Your heart leaps at the notification and you hate that it does that.

You were supposed to delete his number, but it felt wrong. He wasn’t just your boyfriend. He was your best friend.

Removing him from your life wrecked you, so little things like keeping his contact information and the promise ring he gave you the day of your high school graduation feel like acts of rebellion against the hardest decision you’ve ever made.

Zach: Hey. How are you? I’m playing at your school tomorrow. Just wondering if you’ll be watching :)

You reread his text a few times. You know he has a game here tomorrow. You’ve been following his soccer season even though you know you shouldn’t.

On the screen, you see the last messages you exchanged, a little over a month ago.

Zach: Wish you nothing but the best. You deserve it.

You replied: you, too.

The night of your break-up was agony. Your video call lasted three hours.

Zach’s eyes were glossy, matching yours. His dark honey hair was tousled and sticking in every direction after he raked his hand through it over and over in frustration.

Your dorm rooms slowly got darker as night fell, neither of you bothering to turn on a light. It was a cruel reminder that you’re not even a timezone apart. Your schools have only four hours between them and you couldn’t manage to make a one-year relationship work over the distance.

Hurtful words were exchanged. You accused him of neglecting your relationship. He told you his extra efforts in school and soccer didn’t mean you weren’t a priority. He said you were giving up on him. You retaliated that you were working harder to stay together than he was.

Somehow, things still ended civilly. You agreed that the distance was too much of a big, ugly, unavoidable wedge driving you apart.

You’re convinced that ending on good terms hurts more than ending on bad terms. It would be easier to hate him.

Your fingers hover over your screen, wondering what you should say. If you should say anything. You realize this means he didn’t delete your number, either. Maybe he’s been holding onto hope, too.

You decide to reply, trying to act casual and in good spirits.

You: I’ll try to make it! Just don’t be mad that I’m cheering for the home team :)

He’s grateful you texted back. He misses you so much that it hurts.

Getting better has been a slow climb for Zach. You two lasted a couple of months of long distance before calls slowly shortened and texts became infrequent. It was too hard juggling everything.

Now, he’s putting his all into school and soccer. It’s all he has left.

When dark clouds roll in on the day of the game, you think about how Zach never liked the rain and you hate that you’re doomed to remember these insignificant things about someone you’re not supposed to be in love with anymore.

You decide not to go to the game. It’ll be too hard watching him play like you used to.

But eventually, you lie to yourself that it’ll be fine and your feet are dragging you to the stadium on campus, your umbrella blocking the raindrops. You join the roaring crowd, sitting in the bleachers.

You always sat behind the opponents’ net. At every one of his matches. Zach is a striker and whenever he’d score a goal, he’d be right in your eyeline.

He would find you in the crowd when he scored, beaming at you before his team swallowed him in a group hug.

But that’s where you sat when Zach was your boyfriend. And he’s not anymore. So you find an empty seat on the side, close to the middle of the field.

You spot him immediately. He’s running down the field, his cheeks flushed.

The same boy who nervously asked you out the second day of senior year. The same boy you gave your first kiss to. The same boy who called you the moment he found out he was granted a full-ride scholarship. Now slowly becoming a stranger.

This is too hard. You need to leave.

But then you watch Zach gain possession of the ball and he’s running fast and suddenly, he collides with a player on the opposing team, sliding in one of the mud puddles scattered across the field.

The crowd erupts in a mournful whine, reacting to what was surely a painful impact.

You’re on your feet, rigid, heart racing as you watch him in the distance. He’s not getting up. Why isn’t he getting up?

You wedge your way out of the aisle and rush to the bottom of the bleachers, hands gripping the cold, wet barricade at the same level as the field.

A medic runs out onto the pitch but when he reaches Zach, he’s slowly standing up on his own. But then he leans over, hands on his knees, shaking his head.

The medic beckons Zach to put an arm around his shoulders and leads him off the field while the referee holds up a yellow card against the other player.

Zach’s hamstring is throbbing in pain as he limps through the wet grass, his cleats heavy, but when he sees you standing at the front of the stands, everything feels better.

He thought you wouldn’t attend. His lips quirk up in a smile. Your stomach twists.

Zach’s coach is trying to get his attention once he reaches the sideline, but he mumbles something to him and disconnects from the medic and closes the distance between you two, his steps short and quick.

“You came,” he says, blue eyes travelling over your face. It’s only been a month but he swears, it feels like it’s been years since he’s seen you.

The bright stadium lights are emphasizing every plane and feature of his handsome face. His hair is soaked and plastered to his skin, his uniform muddy.

“You okay?” you ask over the loud chattering crowd surrounding you.

No. He’s far from okay.

“Survived worse,” he says with that smirk that is so typically Zach.

“MacLaren!” his coach calls.

“I’ll find you later?” he asks. Your eyebrows lower in confusion. You know he typically goes straight back to his school after a game with his team. But you just meekly nod.

The game ends in a tie. Zach texts you that he’ll meet you outside in front and takes a rushed, hot shower in the locker room.

You’re standing under a streetlamp outside of the stadium, spectators pooling out of wide doors. The rain is simply spitting now, your umbrella closed in your hand.

When you watch Zach pace towards you, all cleaned up after a shower, a big duffel bag over his shoulder, you’re so happy you came. Even though it hurts, it also feels so good to see him.

“You’re walking totally fine,” you say when he approaches you. “Did you fake it?”

He loves how you make a joke right away because that’s what you would do when you were together and it’s nice to feel like you are.

Zach laughs and pulls you in for a hug and you hate how the smell of his shampoo makes an uncomfortable nostalgia rush through you.

But this is who Zach is. He’s always been warm and affectionate and cheerful.

He notices how tense you are in his arms and pulls back quickly. Maybe giving into the impulse to hold you was a bad idea.

“A yellow was ridiculous, right?” he asks. “That deserved a red.”

You gaze up at him now that he’s so close to you and try not to get enamored.

“How bad is it?” you say, glancing down at his leg. The concern in your eyes makes his whole body feel like it’s been wrung out.

“Just a sprain,” he says. “Didn’t pull anything.”

“Good,” you say, nodding. “How long are you out for?”

This feels like a conversation you’d have when you were together. Next, you’d ask if he needs a massage and that would always lead to making love, but that’s not happening this time.

“Next game isn’t until Wednesday, so I might be fine,” Zach answers. You know all about his team’s schedule, even their standings, but you don’t tell him.

A tense silence settles between you now that the small talk has been used up.

“So, this is no contact?” you ask.

Now that the break-up has been acknowledged out loud, Zach is disappointed. He liked having his head in the clouds and pretending like you’re still his.

“You texted back,” he teases, his eyes glinting in their usual playful way.

“Back,” you emphasize, pointing to him, finally cracking a smile. “You started it.”

“We can be friends, right?” Zach says. “It’s weird not talking to you.”

Being friends hurts. You both agreed to that. But he’s here already and things feel so good with him, so you ignore your instincts.

“Sure,” you simply say. Your short response throws him off.

“Nice campus,” he says.

“Yeah,” you agree. “I was gonna give you a tour when...” When he visited as your boyfriend. You never made it that far.

It was unlike Zach, the way he started to flake on promises to visit or call. You gave him grace, but you eventually reached your limit.

“You can give me a tour now,” he says, pushing the conversation into easier territory. He always had a knack for that.

“You sure you can walk?” you ask. He misses that tone of voice of yours. When you’re worried about him.

“Come on,” he says with an exaggerated scoff. “You’re acting like I’m some kind of baby.”

In reality, he always loved being babied by you.

“When are you guys heading back?” you ask. You already noticed the massive branded bus you assume he arrived on parked in the stadium lot.

“I drove up by myself, actually,” he tells you. “I’m gonna go see my family later.”

Your college is only half an hour away from your shared hometown. You nod and turn, silently beckoning him to walk with you.

“How are they?” you ask.

Zach shrugs, looking down. He’s always been close to his family and they always loved you, so telling them you broke up was almost as hard as the break-up itself.

“Mad at me,” he admits. “I told them it was mutual, but…”

“Yeah, your mom texted me,” you say.

“She did? What’d she say?” He sounds surprised.

“I probably shouldn’t tell you if she didn’t tell you herself.”

His mom’s message went into just how perfectly you fit into their lives, how upsetting it is that Zach let you go, how happy you make her son. You didn’t have the heart to tell her you don’t make him happy anymore.

You remember so clearly how she ended the message. I hope this is just a temporary bump in the road.

“Come on, tell me,” he urges with a joking tone.

“Zach,” you say quietly. “I’m sorry - I, um - we shouldn’t get into this, right?”

His smile fades. With a deep breath, he nods and looks at the ground again.

“Right,” he says.

Like always, Zach gently complies. You naturally took on a more dominant role in your relationship, leading while he happily followed, even during intimacy. It’s what you bring out in each other and falling back into your roles feels effortless.

“How much time do you have?” you ask, checking your phone to see that it’s merely minutes past six.

“Couple of hours,” he tells you. “You hungry?”

You know if you tell him you’re not, he’ll feel bad dragging you to a restaurant.

“There’s a place I think you’d like,” you say.

You’re soon sitting across from each other at an on-campus eatery, talking to each other like friends, covering safe topics like classes and dorm life.

It’s not exactly easy, but you were together for so long that holding a conversation with Zach is second nature.

“Aren’t you going to eat that?” he finally asks, pointing to your plastic-wrapped sandwich. He’s almost done with his food, while you haven’t taken a bite.

“Later. I’m not hungry.”

“What?” Zach watches you from his side of the table, heart thrumming at the adorable way you shrug.

“You wouldn’t have gotten food if you knew I wasn’t going to eat.”

“Oh, my God,” he laughs.

“You know I’m right.”

“You didn’t have to do that, babe.”

You both awkwardly straighten in your seats, bodies firming as far apart as possible. Your knees pull together. He rubs the back of his neck.

“Sorry.” Zach’s voice is low, eyes focused on the table. The term of endearment he used to always use for you just slipped out.

You feel stupid for thinking this would be okay. It’s way too hard to pretend like you don’t love him. You collect your bag and umbrella off the table.

“I should go. It was good to see you,” you mumble.

“You’re leaving?” Zach asks, a slight whine to his tone.

“This was a bad idea,” you say, avoiding eye contact, words quiet and rushed. “You should go see your family.”

You rush out of the building into the dark evening, the cold air pressing against your skin, hot tears welling in your eyes.

Zach’s leg is aching as he jogs behind you, but he’d do anything for you just talk to him, at least look at him one more time.

“Wait,” you hear. “Please.” The desperation in his voice is what gets you to slow down, letting him close the rest of the distance.

You’re standing on a pathway between a building and a courtyard, chewing on your lip, grateful nobody else seems to be around.

When Zach catches up to you, his chin dips as he studies your face, raising his hands inches away from your cheeks just to promptly lower them.

Your eyes are just as wet as they were the night you broke up.

“What?” you mutter.

“I’m sorry I called you that,” he says, breaths shallow. “Old habit.”

“We said no contact,” you tell him. You swallow hard. “We should have stuck to it.”

“Are you mad at me for texting you?” His stare is deep and so painfully sorry.

You’ve been on the receiving end of this look so many times. He was always on the sensitive side, needing reassurance that you weren’t upset with him.

Despite everything, you’re not mad. Your heart is broken, but you’re not mad.

“No,“ you say, “But we can’t be friends, okay? After what we… I just can’t.”

“So, nothing?” he says. “We’re just nothing now?”

“It’s what we agreed on,” you respond resolutely. “Just because this is easy for you doesn’t mean it is for me.”

“You think this is easy for me?” Zach puts a hand over his heart. You scoff at this, looking down, gently wiping under your bottom lashes. “It’s not.”

He puts his hands on his hips, grimacing.

“Why’d we break up?” he asks, voice thin.

“Zach,” you breathe. Just like that, the wound you’ve been working on patching up splits open again.

“I love you,” he says, hot tears building in the corners of his eyes.

“You can’t do this,” you say. The fact that you don’t say you love him back breaks him. “Do you not remember how bad it was?”

“We made each other so happy,” he retaliates.

“We weren’t even a couple by the end,” you say. “You got too busy for me, remember?”

“Don’t,” Zach mumbles. “I wasn’t too busy for you. You stopped trying.”

“We’ll just talk in circles,” you sigh, frustration bubbling inside you. You had this talk so many times. “I don’t have another three-hour conversation in me.”

He still has bad dreams about that night.

“See?” he says with a frustrated shrug. “You gave up.”

“You used to act lucky that you had me,” you say, your temper flaring. “Then I became a chore. Would you fight for me if I made you feel like a chore?”

“I’d fight for you no matter what,” he says.

“You’re not listening to me.” At this point, he’s being selfish by talking this to death. It’ll end the same way.

“As soon as it got hard, you left,” he says.

“As soon as it got hard? I tried for two months, Zach. You were so busy and got so distant and-”

“That didn’t mean I wasn’t thinking about you,” he counters. “There’s so much pressure on me with soccer and my scholarship.”

“I know and I tried to be there for you but I only added to that pressure,” you say. “Keeping up a relationship was too much work.”

“No, babe, I-” He winces. “Sorry. Just… Don’t you remember how good we used to be? How the summer was?”

You try not to think about it. The summer before college was perfect. You spent all your time together. You gave each other your virginities. You were sure you’d be together forever.

“I remember saying we’d find time for each other no matter what,” you mutter.

Guilt floods him.

“I’m sorry, okay?” Zach says.

“I know you are.”

He apologized so many times and nothing changed. He said he’d drive up to visit you. He never did. He told you he’d call you. Then he bailed more than half the time. That wasn’t the man you knew. You could feel him falling out of love with you.

“I thought we could get through the hard times,” he says. There’s that unrealistic idealism of his. You shake your head.

“My best wasn’t enough for us, Zach,” you say.

“Yeah, neither was mine, apparently.”

You nod, throat aching from your tears.

“Go see your family. They miss you. And don’t tell them we saw each other,” you suggest. “It’ll just give them false hope.”

Zach both loves and hates that the last thing you say before you walk away is something protective and considerate about his family. But your kindness is one of the many things he fell in love with you for, so it’s no surprise.

An hour later, you’re curled up on your bed, watching a comfort show with the lights off when you hear a knock on your door.

Zach’s heart is pounding in his ears. He still has your address from when he sent you flowers as a sorry for flaking on a video call you two had planned back when you were still together.

All he did since you left him standing by the courtyard is sit in his car and think and cry. He feels like an idiot for ever making you feel like a chore.

When you pause your show, turn on the lights and swing open the door, your body goes cold. His eyes are red and puffy from crying.

“Did you stop loving me?” he asks. “I need to know.”

You take his hand, the first contact you’ve had in months, and pull him into your room so that your neighbors don’t hear your private heartbreak.

The door shuts behind you and you stand across from him, trying to let go of his hand, but he doesn’t let you, his cool palm pressed against your fingers.

“Did you?” Zach urges.

You glare up at him, cheeks burning from how many tears you wiped away.

“No,” you admit.

“Then why aren’t we together?” he pleads. “You just have to remember why you love me.”

You let him continue to hold your hand. The contact feels so good.

“I never forgot,” you say.

“Then tell me,” he urges. “Tell me why.”

“I…” You look down.

“You want me to go first?” he says. “I love you because you bring out the best in me. I love how when we joke around, we annoy the people around us and you never care.”

You huff a chuckle. Too many times to count, you’d send each other into a fit of laughter, leaving your friends or families confused over what was so funny.

“You went to every single one of my home games in high school,” he continues, “even though I know you hated it.”

“I liked it,” you counter. He smirks. You always had such a big heart.

“Try for me. Please,” he says. “We’ll make it this time.”

You’re silent and it scares him. You could be seconds away from telling him to leave.

“This is why I love you,” you say. “You’re so optimistic that it’s irritating.”

Zach laughs, still holding onto your hand.

“What else?” he asks lowly.

“You’re funny and sweet and…” you say through tears. “When you care about someone, you care so hard. That’s why…”

You loosen your hand out of his grip. His heart feels like it’s been wrung out.

“That’s why it hurt so much when you didn’t make time for us. It felt like you stopped caring. Like you stopped loving me and you didn’t know how to tell me.”

“I never stopped loving you, babe, I swear,” he says. “I just didn’t know how to deal with everything.”

Zach didn’t anticipate how hard keeping up with classes and practices and games would be, especially with the weight of his scholarship looming over him. He failed making you a priority. He knows that.

“It was hard and it only got harder when we broke up,” he says a little quieter.

You frown and Zach cups your face with his hands. His thumbs slowly rub over your cheeks as his gaze penetrates you.

“I’m not saying that to make you feel bad,” he says, words rushed. “I just want you to know you were never a chore. You were the best thing in my life. I messed up.”

The way your lashes flutter as you blink away tears makes what’s left of his heart crumble.

“What’ll it take?” he asks. “I’ll drive up here every weekend. We’ll talk on the phone every night. I’ll text you all day and I promise I won’t flake.”

“That’s crazy,” you say with a soft laugh.

Although he’s the more passive of you two, he’s determined that he’ll make it with you. He can’t picture a world where you’re not his and he’s not yours.

“I’ll do it.” You meet Zach’s eyes and you can tell that he wholly, sincerely means it.

“That’s not what I need,” you tell him with a small smile. The love in your gaze is exactly why you always felt like home to him. “I just need the you who kept promises and made time for me. When we were together, you were present. Like this.”

“Anything you need,” he says eagerly, head bobbing with quick nods, making you giggle. “Can I kiss you? Please?”

You revel in how his long thumbs drag over your skin, gazing at you through desperate eyes. Being so close to him causes a gentle heat to trickle through your body.

“You can do more than that,” you reply. He smiles and exhales sharply in excitement, leaning down to kiss you passionately.

Zach’s stomach tightens the second he feels the softness of your lips and the taste of your tongue. He slowly dips to kiss your neck, breathing in the sweet scent of you that he has smelled so many times.

His hands trail down your waist and over the curve of your hips, pulling you as close to him as possible, gripping just tight enough not to hurt you.

You always loved this about him. He makes you feel so cherished.

Your hands are in Zach’s hair as his hot mouth smacks on your skin. His body curves against yours perfectly, a piece completing the puzzle you missed being a part of for so long.

You can feel him growing hard against you and you lower a hand to rub him over his jeans, making him groan against your neck.

“Already?” you tease in a whisper. He chuckles, missing your touch and your voice and how hot it is when you taunt him.

“Fuck, I missed you,” Zach groans. You smile. He hardly ever swears, usually reserving it just for moments like these.

His fingers dip below the hem of your shirt, his skin warm against yours. He feels you nod, granting him permission.

As soon as he pulls your top off of you, he groans in delight when he sees that you’re braless. As he leans down to kiss you again, you push his jacket down his shoulders. He promptly and impatiently tugs it off, followed by his shirt, earning a laugh from you for his enthusiasm.

You gently push him backwards, straggling to your bed together. Zach lies down, desperately reaching for you as he watches you lean down over him.

You straddle him, kissing him deeply, his arms wrapping around you tightly as your bare chests press together.

His love for you consumes him, driving him to pull back and kiss you all over, puckering his lips over your cheeks and your nose and your forehead.

“Babe,” you laugh.

“I’m so sorry I made you so sad,” Zach says between kisses. “I’m so sorry I let you walk away.”

“I’m sorry, too,” you say as he continues to pepper soft kisses over your skin. “We’re never fighting again, okay?”

“Never.” You always say this after a fight. It never sticks, but you both love pretending it will.

You thought you were destined to experience these shared quirks through memories only. But now Zach’s here in your dorm room, panting beneath you, holding you like he might die if you pull away.

You feel him buck his hips forward, his hands squeezing your waist. You press your forehead against his, biting your lip.

“You want me, hmm?” you purr, the power you have over him filling you with excitement.

“I need you,” he whines. His breath is warm against your cheek. “So bad.”

“What do you want to do?” you ask, rolling your hips. The sensation of you grinding on him is so perfect. He couldn’t ever feel another girl like this and he wouldn’t want to.

“I wanna taste you,” Zach says. “I wanna make you feel good.”

“Take my pants off.” You shift to kiss him, smiling against his lips as he pushes your bottoms and panties down with eager hands.

You kick off your clothes and shuffle to hover over his face, your naked core inches away from his mouth.

Zach’s hands hook around your thighs, beckoning you to lower your hips, hungry for you. You inhale sharply once you feel his hot tongue press against your folds.

He knows you well, knows where to lick and suck to earn moans from you. You look down at him, his eyes closed as he laps at you, fingers dug into your flesh.

“That’s so good,” you say. “You’re so good with your mouth.” The praise makes him suck even harder. You tremble as you slowly roll your hips on his face.

“I love how you taste,” Zach says, muffled. “I can’t live without you.”

You throw your head back, pleasure flooding your body at the sensations and his words. You put a hand in his hair, lightly tugging as he works his mouth with slow, hard movements.

You start to breathe harder, tension coiling in your stomach.

“Can we…” he asks. He’s starving to feel you from the inside. You look down to meet his striking, needy eyes. You know exactly what he wants.

“You wanna be inside me?”

“Please, yes, yes.”

“You’re so cute when you’re desperate,” you coo. He nearly rolls his eyes from the pleasure of hearing you talk like this again.

You put him out of his misery when you pull his pants and briefs off of him. You sit on your knees above him, taking his length in your hand and earning a groan from him.

“Where’d you hurt your leg today?” you ask, stroking him up and down. “Want me to massage it?”

“I just want you to ride me, babe, please,” Zach shudders.

“Don’t you want me to take care of you?” Your eyes are locked on his as you caress him, rolling your wrist.

“You are,” he says, whimpering at this point. “Please let me feel you. I miss you.”

Your body remembers Zach’s perfectly. As you sink onto him, sitting up, every muscle in your body loosens. He dips his head back, lips parting, jaw sharp.

“Shit,” he groans as you squeeze him in your soft heat. “You’re perfect.” His hands run over your thighs, your hips, your waist. He pulls you down so he can kiss you again.

“So big,” you whisper, noses nudging together as you rock slowly.

“I’m always going to be yours,” he says, his voice gently shaking. “Even if you don’t want me.”

“Zach,” you whisper, pulling back just enough to meet his eyes. He’s crying again. “I’ll always want you.”

You drag a thumb under his eye, cleaning away a warm tear. He nods, looking at you with a sorrowful gaze.

“Do you promise?” he asks.

“I promise,” you say. “My sweet boy.” He trembles at your words. You kiss him again, your pace starting to quicken, the pressure of him inside you so nice.

Zach swallows hard, forcing himself to believe you. Breaking up shattered him. He can’t go through it again.

“Hey,” he says against your lips.

“Hmm?”

“I’m gonna marry you one day.” You’ve loosely talked about the future before, but he has never said these words to you out loud. Your heart numbs.

“Do you promise?” you whisper with a smile. The coil in your core tightens again, making your breath shake.

“I promise.” Zach feels you clenching around him and he can’t stop himself. His muscles tense and he tightens his jaw as he feels himself reach his peak.

“There you go,” you praise as he shudders beneath you. The drunk look on his face is what makes you climax, joining him in his euphoria.

He’s heaving beneath you, your skin taut and warm and sticking together. You shift to rest your head on his shoulder and he finds your hand immediately, bringing it up to his mouth to kiss your fingertips.

“I love you,” he whispers. “I love you so much.”

“I love you, too,” you say, your heart burning.

Zach holds your hand inches away from his face, a finger tracing down one of yours.

“Do you still have it?” he asks, afraid of your answer. You look at your ring finger, where you used to wear his promise ring.

“I couldn’t get rid of it if I wanted to,” you say. He shifts to meet your gaze, his eyes still glossy. “It’s in my dresser.”

“Will you wear it again?”

“Of course,” you say. “And I’ll get one for you, too.”

The thought of having a constant reminder of your love for him on his hand makes his stomach flip. His dimples cave into his cheeks as he beams at you.

“How’d I play today?” he murmurs. Zach would always ask your opinion on how he did after a game. Tonight’s no different.

“Amazing,” you say. “I… I’ve actually been following your team. I know we said no contact, but…”

Zach’s elated that you cared enough to follow his progress.

“I’ve been checking every social media account you have every day,” he admits.

You giggle and he hugs you tightly, burrowing his nose into your hair. Suddenly, the memory of your argument outside rushes back into your mind.

“Wait, did you go home?” you ask.

“No, I just… sat in my car,” he tells you.

“What? Zach,” you say, voice heavy. “Aren’t you going to see your family?”

“I never told them I’d be in town,” he confesses. You shift to look at him again. “I knew that when we saw each other, we’d… realize we should be together. And I knew I’d only want to spend the night with you. I’m sorry - I only didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to feel pressured.”

Zach’s undying faith in your relationship melts you. Even after a messy break-up and a month apart, he believed in you two making it.

You nod, pinching his cheek, making him smile again.

“We could go now, if you want,” you offer. “They’d be so happy to see that we’re back together.”

Hearing you confirm it out loud makes Zach’s heart leap.

“Next time,” he says, squeezing you tight. “Right now, it’s just you and me. And eventually, we’ll be sleeping in the same bed every night and there won’t be any distance at all.”

You can’t wait. Neither can he.

(continuation blurb)

author’s note: i started this blog with the intention to write for rafe only but my friend showed me the zach maclaren light and for that @juniebugg i owe you my life 🫡

#zach is subby and you can’t convince me otherwise!#zach maclaren x y/n #zach maclaren x reader #zach maclaren x you #zach maclaren #zach maclaren and reader #zach maclaren and y/n #zach maclaren and you

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rishiguro · 9 months

Text

GAME OVER - K. KENMA

warnings: hurt/no comfort. 3.7k of angst. break up. yelling. talking about abandonment. heartbreak. no beta, we die like ao3.

zipping the suitcase shut, you closed your eyes. this was your second and last one. you were practically done, your best friend has confirmed that they were already on the way and soon you would be out of here the rest of your stuff was already at their place, you had made sure that today, the day you were finally leaving, everything you had would leave this place.

you had planned this. you knew you wanted this. and it’s not like your soon-to-be-ex boyfriend ever mentioned something about your belongings slowly disappearing, if he even noticed it – which he probably didn’t.

after all, he didn’t even notice you growing distant over the last couple of weeks.

quickly you lifted the luggage from the bed and pushed it into the hallway. you wanted to leave as soon as possible, hell, you wouldn’t even mind waiting outside, even though it was freezing and snowing without an end in sight. but for now you decided to stay inside, after all you knew that kenma had plans. not that he would’ve told you personally, but you overheard him talking to his best friend on the phone last night.

as it turned out however, this didn’t seem to be the case.

you were currently walking around the apartment one last time, checking if you had taken everything with you before finally leaving, when something made you stop in your tracks, your hand tightening around one of the straps of your backpack.

you could practically feel your heart stop as you heard the door unlock and fall shot shortly after, followed by keys being tossed into the bowl right next to it.

why was he home? he wasn’t supposed to be home.

“(y/n)?” you heard him call out for you and instantly your heartbeat sped up rapidly. he sounded puzzled and slightly irritated, which affirmed your belief that he saw the luggage in the hallway. “what’s going on?”

with a clenched jaw you forced yourself to calm down, your feet taking you to come face to face with him. “why are you home? i thought you wanted to go over to tetsurou’s place,” you stated calmly, forcing your voice to sound as bored as possible. you didn’t want him to know of the turmoil you felt inside of you.

kenma narrowed his eyes at you. “you didn’t answer my question”

shrugging, you pointed roughly into the direction of your suitcases. “well what does it look like? i’m leaving”

you don’t know how you were expecting him to react. shock? sadness? or even relief?

what you didn’t expect was to look at his ever so apathetic face as he only raised his eyebrows slightly at you. “haha, very funny”

you could only blink at him for a few moments before you shook your head, muttering something to yourself. you shouldn’t be so surprised that he didn’t take you seriously. it’s not like he respected or even reacted to anything you told him before anyways.

good. maybe that would make it easier for you to leave.

“sure,” you whispered, not being able to mask the hurt and anger in your voice completely.

you should have left earlier. you should have just gone outside despite the thick snow and cold wind instead of waiting for your friend to text you.

“come on, i know you’re joking,” kenma rolled his eyes at you as he spoke. “you wouldn’t just leave like that. did someone put you up to this stupid prank?”

scoffing, you let your backpack fall to the ground, clenching your first on your side.

a couple of months ago you would have tried to excuse the apathy in his voice and even excuse his way of dismissing you and whatever you were doing, telling yourself that he was tired or just busy but once this period was over he would again be the loving and attentive young man you fell in love with.

but he wasn’t anymore. and he hasn’t been for a long while.

furrowing your eyebrows you looked down to your backpack, rusting in it for a couple of seconds before pulling out a white, slightly wrinkled envelope. you took a deep breath to gather yourself before looking back up at him. “i wanted to leave this on the table, but since you’re here already” you held it out in front of you, looking at him expectantly.

with a confused look on his face, kenma reached out, taking the paper from you with slow hands, his bewildered eyes never leaving your stone-cold expression.

he looked down at it, seeing that it was addressed to him, his name handwritten in big, cursive letters. “what’s that supposed to be?”

“i told you, i’m leaving,” you repeated coldly.

with skeptic eyes he looked at the white paper for a second before meeting your eyes again. “why would you?” he sounded confused, more bewildered than actually emotional.

of course he still didn’t believe you.

you were here in front of him, your suitcases packed and a backpack on your shoulders and he still didn’t take you seriously. what would you have to do for him to just listen to you for one time?

you couldn’t help but scoff and roll your eyes at him, fingers tightening around the straps of your backpack before you swung it back onto yourself again, at the same time putting your shoes on. “read it and find out”

you jumped slightly as kenma spoke again, his voice now significantly louder than before, uncharacteristic for a quiet and rather apathetic person. “seriously? you say you’re leaving but can’t even tell me to my face why? really?” he sneered, taking a step closer to you.

in return you backed away, trying to keep your voice as low and steady as you could. “you have no reason to raise your voice at me right now”

after his hands had balled up the letter, kenma threw the paper on the ground.

that’s what he was doing to what you were telling him. this is how much your words meant to him.

not even worth a listen, only worth to be thrown away.

“of course i have! i have every reason to! my partner wants to pack up and leave and doesn’t even have the heart to talk to me!” he continued yelling, pointing at you accusingly.

of course everything was your fault. of course he didn’t listen. of course he didn’t entertain the possibility for even one second that everything you wanted to talk about and everything you argued about was serious.

you shook your head in disbelief, a shocked laugh escaping you. “suddenly you want to talk?”

“what the hell are you talking about”

every single word that left his mouth managed to drive the knife in your heart even deeper inside. did he ever even care? did the past years mean absolutely nothing to him? why was he so confused? did your concerns over all these months and years really mean nothing to him?

why did he care so little?

“if you want me to talk, sure, i’ll talk” you clenched your teeth, balling your hands to fists at your sides.

you looked back at him, letting out a deep breath before you summarized all your thoughts in just a few words, mentally begging that you could simply get out as fast as possible. “you don’t give a shit anymore. not about this relationship or about me”

you didn’t want to talk to him about it, afraid of what you might say or not say and afraid of what he might say. you didn’t want to see him stare at you as you poured your heart out, slap him in the face with every issue that‘s been laying heavy on your heart for way too long. you were afraid of breaking down crying in front of him, showing him just how much you hurt.

you simply couldn’t. you wouldn’t allow yourself to be so vulnerable in front of him, not in front of the person that made you feel so worthless and broken.

“i care about you!” kenma shouted back at you, taken aback by what you had just told him, “how could you say that i don’t?“

was that how he showed that he cared? ignoring you, arguing with you and constantly dismissing you? was that really how a person would show their love and care?

you scoffed. “no, you don’t, kenma! you stopped caring about us a long time ago,” you yelled, wanting nothing more than stomping your feet in frustration. why did he suddenly care so much? “you never talked to me unless it was to ask me to get you something because you were too lazy to get up and pause your game or wait before entering the next round. you never even thanked me when i brought you whatever it was you were asking for. you completely neglected your half of your chores and even had the audacity to get mad at me when i didn’t do them for you. and if that wasn’t enough, if i just as much as delayed mine for just a couple of hours because i came home from work exhausted as fuck, you found it in yourself to be angry at me too”

with every word you spoke you could see the anger in kenma‘s face disappear, instead shock and guilt taking it’s place. his entire stance loosened up, almost like he was about to lose balance on his feet. “(y/n), i-”

“i’m not done“ you continued to stare him down, a part of you taking pleasure in seeing his resolve crumble and see him look like a kicked dog. you know you shouldn’t, but you couldn’t help yourself. you suffered for so long, you were in pain for so long — he should know how he had made you feel all this time. “you never listened to me anymore, because whatever was on any of your screens was more important. i don’t know if it was a game, or a friend, at this point i wouldn’t even care if you had a side piece. because it’s not like this would matter anymore. whoever or whatever it was, is clearly more important to you”

kenma stepped back, looking away from you as he pressed his fingernails deeply into his palm. he opened and closed his mouth multiple times, unsure of what to say. that was until he finally settled on something. “you’re blowing this out of proportion,” he whispered.

you let out a breathy laugh. was he serious? blowing things out of proportion?

would he still say this if he knew just how many tears you shed because of this? if he knew how often you made excuses for him to not just yourself but your friends too, who desperately tried to help you realize that the relationship wasn’t healthy or good for you? how you were constantly doubting yourself, not knowing if you were the one expecting too much? would he finally realize everything if he knew how broken you felt?

turning away from him, you pressed your lips into a thin line, quickly flexing and relaxing your hands as you tried to ground yourself. with a sad smile you looked back at him again. “it was our anniversary a week ago. do you remember that?”

you could see how kenma‘s face fell, as he became even more overcome with guilt. so he really didn’t care anymore. “thought so. you didn’t even come home that night,“ you continued, melancholy overtaking you as you recounted the day mentally. the excitement and hope you felt when you first woke up and started your day, which slowly turned into sadness and hurt with every passing hour until you completely shut down the moment the new day began. “do you know how shitty it felt to sit at home and just wait for you to show up, only to realize that you actually forgot?”

you shook your head again, swallowing rapidly to get rid of the lump that was starting to form in your throat. “you. the guy that remembers every easter egg, every cheat code and every shortcut from practically every game he played over the last year. that guy forgot his anniversary. and his partner’s birthday too while we’re at it”

it seemed that now the harsh reality finally hit kenma. he nodded, looking down in shame as he fiddled with his fingers. he opened his mouth, only to close it again. and again. and again. you could see the gears turning in his head.

in the meanwhile, you felt relief. while you still didn’t like that you were standing in front of him and couldn’t just disappear as planned, never seeing him again, you got a sense of comforting retaliation with every passing second. maybe, just maybe, he could feel even just an ounce of what you felt.

“(y/n), i can make it up to you, i promise, i’ll do anything. i didn’t mean to, i just got so caught up in everything,“ he tried to reason, miserably failing in his attempt to admit his faults without taking an ounce of accountability.

maybe he didn’t get it after all.

you narrowed your eyes at him. “you’re incredibly stupid if you actually believe that,” you stated with a shockingly monotone voice, shutting your eyes in defeat. “just face it, kenma. you didn’t care and don’t pretend to care now”

“but i did! i do!” he immediately claimed, stepping closer to you again, trying to take your hand, only for you to pull yours away as soon as his fingers touched your skin.

you sighed, holding your hands up in front of you in an attempt to protect yourself from every word that was leaving his mouth. he had already proved over and over again that he didn’t care about you — that he didn’t love you. so why couldn’t he allow you to finally leave and rid yourself from all this pain?

“stop. i can’t hear any of your lies before, really. i’m done with this too now, just like you are. shouldn’t you be happy now?” and yet again you felt your throat tighten. did kenma actually enjoy this? did he get some sick sense of pleasure from seeing you so hurt, so broken? why couldn’t he just let you go when this was what he made you believe he wanted?

“no one here that will annoy you when you’re gaming, no one that will force you to actually eat and no one that will drag you away from your pc so you can see the sun for at least five minutes. sounds like a dream, doesn’t it?”

“no,“ he denied, reaching out for you, only to see you back away even more.

“no? but that’s what you wanted” you refused to look at him, instead carefully and slowly making your way over to your suitcases.

kenma however didn’t want to see you go, his hand grabbing your arm in a desperate attempt to keep you here, by his side. “no it’s not”

you used your free hand to peel his from your arm, shaking your head again in defeat. “well, that’s what you got now at least”

he stood there frozen as he watched you grab the handles of your suitcases, taking a deep breath before you spoke again, this time with your back to him.

“you know, i really wanted us to last, kenma. i really did. i tried to talk to you about this, i wanted to work this out together. but you never listened” you sighed, not being able to stop a sad smile appearing on your lips. “kind of ironic that you do now”

you could feel your phone vibrating in your pocket. you could feel the hope rising in your chest, feeling relief at the thought of leaving this place. as you were about to step out, you stopped in your tracks, but refused to turn around. instead you glanced over to the window, seeing just how heavy the snow has gotten over the last hour. you clenched your jaw. “i asked tetsurou to come over later. i know you don’t like being alone at home when there’s supposed to be a snowstorm”

when you stepped even further away from him, finally reaching the door, kenma was ripped out of his frozen state, jumping forward and grabbing your arm once again. “(y/n), no!” he yelled out.

your jaw clenched as soon as he touched you again, your mind falling into a loop of yelling at you to simply rip yourself away from him and leave without any other word and the other part simply begging him to finally let you go. you took a deep breath. “you’re going to close your eyes and let go of me. you’re going to count to ten. and when you open your eyes again, i’ll be gone”

it seemed so easy for him to hurt you over and over again, and yet he couldn’t seem to let you go. did he love to see you in such pain and misery? did he really just want to hurt you?

“please don’t do this to me,“ kenma begged, his voice significantly more hoarse than before.

you scoffed. it’s not like you were doing this all just to hurt him — you simply wanted to be better, more than just feel blue day in and day out. you wanted to live again, not rot with a boyfriend that didn’t give a damn about you. “let go of me”

he grew more and more desperate, pulling on your sleeves like a child. “please don’t do this to us!”

“there is no ‘us’, kenma!” you finally yelled at him, confirming not just to him, but really to yourself that you actually meant what you said and wrote down. you were over and there was nothing he could do to change it. “didn’t you hear me? it’s gone”

“i love you!” he yelled back, his voice breaking. “i love you, i love you so much, please”

and even though you were so relieved to finally leave, in this moment, you halted.

love.

oh, how much you had loved him.

after a deep, almost silent sigh, you looked back at him, seeing kenma with his head hanging low. “i would’ve given you everything to hear that just a few weeks ago. i gave you everything i had. and i would’ve been so incredibly happy” a smile spread over your face and you allowed yourself to fall for the illusion that his confession gave you. in some other universe you would hear these words daily, spoken with so much care and adoration, more than you could ever imagine. you would fall into his arms and kiss him sweetly and passionately and at the end of the day fall asleep in your shared bed, your bodies intertwined. you would be happy. “but now?”

“(y/n), please,“ he whispered.

“no. you’re too late”

and with that you shook him off off you again, finally opening the door, the cold air in the hallway hitting your face.

behind you, kenma fell down to his knees, a lump in his throat, as he reached out for you, only to pull back immediately after. “please, i’m sorry! i’ll be better, i’ll change, i promise!”

you didn’t look at him, not wanting to see him in such a state. “i’m so sorry”

pathetic — that was what he was right now. carelessly toying with your feelings and now that you just couldn’t take it anymore and left him, he suddenly seemed to have an epiphany. like a child that always ignored a toy, only to throw a fit as soon as another one wanted to play with it.

“i don’t want to hear your apologies. they don’t mean anything, kenma. they’re worthless” you spat at him, still staring at the grey wall ahead. “you can’t just keep apologizing and not change anything. i’m so sick of it, i can’t take it anymore” you clenched your jaw, shutting your eyes to prevent just a single tear from falling. “i can’t get my hopes up only for you to crush them every time”

“i never wanted us to end,” he whispered, hands falling into his lap. “especially not like this. you have to believe me. please, let me fix it”

you shook your head.

“it doesn’t matter what you wanted. what matters is what you did. and what you did was hurt me. over and over, again and again” you huffed, looking down and a sad smile on your lips. “there’s only so much i can take,” your voice broke, leaving you with no choice but to clear your throat and shake your head. you promised yourself that you wouldn’t start crying here. you had cried enough already in this apartment.

“and there’s nothing you can do to fix it. you can’t reset”

you turned your back to him, only to face him again a couple of seconds later, clenching your fists at your side. after taking a deep breath, you spoke again. “it’s over, kenma”

without waiting any longer you grabbed your two suitcases standing next to the door and walked out, careful not to slam the door behind you. while you dragged your luggage down, careful not to trip as your eyes filled with tears and constantly swallowing the lump in your throat, kenma still stood in the hallway, staring at the spot in which you stood just a few minutes ago, completely dazed.

it was only when you were long gone, after your friend had picked you up and allowed you to cry your heart out on their shoulder, did kenma feel like he could finally move. he was about to turn around and leave when he noticed a white ball laying on the floor. with a shaky hand he went and picked it up, only to realize that it was your letter, the only thing you had left behind for him.

clutching it into his chest he sank down on his knees, hunching over as he felt the tears pooling out of his eyes.

finally kenma realized that what you said was true. there was nothing he could do to fix this and get you back, there were no save points to return, no data to delete to start over and no cheat codes to enter.

it was game over.

2K notes · View notes

wolfish-trickster · 3 days

Text

Don't make me choose

Gojo x fem!reader

Part 2

Word count: 1.4K

Summary: it's been some time since you've started dating the infamous Satoru Gojo. But lately you feel more like the two of you are just cuddle/fuck buddies and not a real couple. You make him choose his priorities which is something the strongest doesn't like.

Warnings: bad grammar (possibly), typos, angst, very little comfort

When Gojo Satoru first asked you out you couldn't be happier. The first time he caught your eye was when he zoomed past you together with Geto on one bike. You got so startled you fell to the ground and scratched your knee. You thought at first that they will just leave you there and probably laugh at you later at a pub, talking to their friends how they knocked over a clumsy girl in a park. What completely shocked you was Gojo running up to you with Geto pushing their bike behind him asking you if you were okay and if you need any help.

The rest is history.

Now, three years later, things have been going well. Mostly.

You had the ultimate boyfriend experience. Nice dates, wholesome anniversaries, moving in together, having fun. You did everything in your power to not get boring, for him to not get bored. You cooked, cleaned, asked him how his day was, acted silly with him even when you were exhausted after a long day.

So why? Why was he spending more and more of his free time away from you?

It started out small. The first time you started noticing was like a month ago. As soon as he came home he told you he's going to the pub with Geto and Nanami. You told him to have fun of course, not wanting to seem like that girlfriend that doesn't allow their boyfriends having fun without them. Then from one weekend it became every weekend. Both of you were busy during the week, the only time you had for yourself was during the night and weekend. It soon became just nights.

Even during the week it was "babe, i have a day off tomorrow i'm going to Geto's" or "sorry we have to move the date night to sometime else, Geto is sick and has no one to take care of him" and once even "babe, remember how you told me about this place you used to love as a child? I'm going there with Geto! What a coincidence, right?". The last one hurt the most. Honestly, the last one was also what made you start noticing these in the first place. Once you looked into the past and counted all the times Gojo chose to spend his free time with his best friend instead of you you nearly slapped yourself. It was too many times. How could've you been so blind?

All off days were for Geto. All special days were once again for Geto. Weekends, holidays, his and yours birthdays, all for Geto fucking Suguru.

You needed to have a talk with him.

If he comes back that is. Lately he started to have sleepovers with Geto. As if both of them were teenage girls. You did ask to join them but they always told you off to "not disturb their boy time".

Steps echo outside your apartment. The door unlocks. And in comes...

"Babe," comes the voice of your beloved white haired guy, "I'm home."

"I can hear that," came your answer. You prayed it didn't sound too agressive. Your stomach was full of nervous butterflies, making it even worse to come up with a decent way to start the talk.

While you were thinking he came from the entrance hall to the kitchen where you were sitting and kissed you on the crown of your head. "I wanted to ask, do we have plans next wendesday? Because Suguru said he'd-"

"Listen," you interrupted him before he could even finish, "can we talk?"

Gojo chuckled. "That's a very scary sentence."

"Why? Have something to hide?"

"Nope," he put his bag down and leaned his back against the wall, "I'm listening. What is it?"

You took a deep breath. Then another. "Don't you think you're spending a little too much time with Geto?"

His playful smile loosend into a neutral line. "Elaborate?"

"It's just... you've been with him so much lately and I miss being with you-"

"I'm with you all the damn time. Every single night we-"

"Can't you let me finish?!" you said a little louder than intended but enough is enough. "Is that all you see me as? A fuck-buddy to warm your bed?"

Gojo groaned in annoyance. "No, of course not. But you're literally overreacting over here!"

"Overreacting? How? By wanting my boyfriend to be home on his off days? To spend some time with me and have fun like before?"

"Have fun times with you? What am I your babysitter?"

"Are you Geto's? All the fun stuff we used to do you're doing with him!"

"No, no darling," he stood up straight and walked towards you, backing you into the corner, "all the stuff we used to do I did with him first. He's my best friend! I've known him half my life! You have to have at least a bit of empathy to understand that."

Even cornered by a giant of a guy like him you didn't feel fear. The butterflies in your stomach died. What remained was just pain in your chest predicting what was about to come.

"Do you even see me as your girlfriend anymore, Gojo?"

"Oh, so we are on last name terms again?" he asked sarcastically and walked away to pour himself a cup of water.

"Answer me."

You watched him drink. Slowly. You've never seen a man drink this slow.

"Of course I do," he put the glass down, "what kind of a bullshit question is that?"

"It's how I feel Gojo. You're never here with me!"

"I am here now aren't I?" he poked his chest with his forefinger. "I'm here every single day and night, twentyfour fucking seven ever since we moved in together! Well excuse me I want to have some quality time with my best friend from time to time!"

You didn't want this. The yelling, the arguing. But it has to be done.

Now as a finishing touch. "Who do you value more?"

"Excuse me?" was all he said, too surprised to not hear you yell in return, just calmly asking your question.

"Who is more important to you? Your best friend or your girlfriend?"

Gojo covered his face with his palms and threw his head back. "You can't be serious right now," he groaned. "Suguru is my best friend. You can't just make me choose!"

"So I'm below a best friend. I might as well be called your friend with benefits..." you say more to yourself than him.

"There you go hating yourself again," he shook his head. "I get it, you want to hear me say how much you mean to me, how you're the most important thing in the world and other stuff I've told you a million times already and yet you still slip into this state. I might as well record myself saying those things so you could listen to them everytime you're attention starved," he pinched the bridge of his nose.

He sighed. "You know what? I'm tired of this. I still care about you, but you have to understand Suguru is-"

"I know," you interrupt his rant. "I'm tired too."

Gojo sighs. "Okay. Good. I knew we could talk this out," he said and picked up his sleepover bag again. "I hate arguing with you."

He walked past you to the bathroom to dump his pyjamas into dirty laundry. "Let's go to bed, okay?" he shouted from there.

After a quick shower he walked out the bathroom with nothing but sweatpants on and a towel around his neck.

However you weren't there. Not in the bedroom, nor living room, nor anywhere else. Confused Gojo walked around the apartment, looking for any signs where you might be hiding. Maybe you want to jumpscare him again to light up the tension?

Fine, two can play this game. He tiptoed into the bedroom to your massive closet and yanked it open.

You weren't there. But neither were your things. He quickly checked under the bed to see your beloved backpack missing.

Panicked he started calling out for you, thinking this was just a prank.

It wasn't.

You made him choose and without even realizing it he did.

#gojo satoru x reader #gojo x reader #gojo satoru angst #gojo angst #jjk gojo x reader

286 notes · View notes

ahonice · 6 months

Text

just friends

nico hischier x fem reader

word count: 10.9k (the longest fic i’ve ever written i’m so sorry)

warnings: unplanned pregnancy and mentions of unprotected sex, cursing, the word climax, a little angsty, if i forgot anything lmk.

note: i started this on september 1st, this actually took forever. ANYWAYS hope y’all enjoy lmk if you love it, if you hate it, any feedback in general is appreciated!! love y’all babes <3

+++

it was an accident.

you and nico had been in a casual friends with benefits relationship for about a year and a half, having known each other for three years in total, when it happened.

you and nico were being stupid one night. after a few too many drinks, and no condoms to be found anywhere in your apartment, you and nico fucked without protection.

you were on birth control and nico had pulled out, well he did halfway through his climax.

you didn’t think anything when you didn’t get your period the following month or the two months after that, you hadn’t had a period in four years thanks to your birth control.

for weeks you thought you were just bloated, maybe you had been eating too much lately. you were much hungrier these past couple of weeks, it made sense.

it wasn’t until you threw up eleven times in one week before ten in the morning that you grew suspicious and worried at the possibility of you being pregnant.

you stopped by the drug store on your way home from work and panic bought nine different pregnancy tests.

you drank seven things of water during the day and took no bathroom breaks in preparation for this moment, and you had never been so scared to get test results back.

positive. every single one of them.

you felt faint, like the walls of your tiny studio apartment were caving in on you.

you couldn’t have a baby, you couldn’t be a mother, it just couldn’t happen.

+++

the first thing you had to do was tell nico.

you and nico weren’t exclusive, and while he probably has his fair share of hookups, you did not. he was the only possible candidate for the father.

nico was currently three days into an eight day road trip, and as much as you wanted to just get it over with, you knew this is not the type of bombshell to be dropped via snapchat or imessage, considering you two only used imessage to play game pigeon and the nature of your saved snaps was not welcome to an “i’m pregnant and you’re the father” chat.

you decided to just text him that you needed to talk when he got back.

to: nico (hookup)

hey lmk when you’re back in newark, we need to talk.

from: nico (hookup)

oh?

from: nico (hookup)

everything okay?

to: nico (hookup)

not quite sure yet.

+++

five days later you found yourself at nico’s door, nine positive pregnancy tests in a ziploc bag in your purse. you were shaking, you don’t think you had ever been this nervous in your entire life.

nico opened up the door with a wide smile. you didn’t know what face you were making, but it was enough to make nico’s face fall and worry come through his tone of voice.

“y/n? what’s wrong?”

you didn’t even register his words, you just moved past him into his apartment and sat down on his couch.

“y/n?”

“i’m pregnant.”

the words fell out of your mouth before you could stop them.

nico sat there frozen on the loveseat as you pulled the pregnancy tests out of your purse.

around three minutes later you pulled your phone out and opened up some home makeover game, nico was still frozen.

“-oh and you’re the father but you probably already know that.”

+++

it was around four minutes later when nico finally opened up his mouth to speak.

“what are you going to do?”

his question made me a little angry, yes he wasn’t entirely at fault, but he could’ve at least taken

a little responsibility and said “we” instead of “you”.

“i don’t know yet, i have an appointment with an obgyn on saturday. i’ll learn about my options there.”

“what time?” nico asked, opening up his phone calendar.

“10:30.” you knew that nico had practice at that time because it was a game day. “you have practice, i’ll just let you know what i decide to do.”

“this is my child too, i want to be a part of the decision making.”

“well you’re not going to be the one taking care of them, i am.”

“what makes you think that? i mean obviously i will be on the road at times during the season, but when we’re on homestands and since we’ll be married we’ll have the off season together-”

“woah take a girl out to dinner before you propose nico.” you interrupted. “we aren’t getting married…” “we’ve done a whole lot more than just dinner, and yes we are? how are we supposed to raise this baby together if we aren’t together.”

“have you ever heard of co-parenting? -also who says i’m keeping it, i haven’t made my decision yet.” you get up from your spot on his couch. “look i have to go, i’ll tell you about my appointment tomorrow.”

nico let out a heavy sigh. “don’t make any decisions without me.”

+++

“y/n?”

you looked up at the nurse who was holding the door open with their body and walked up to greet her, your knees slightly wobbling from the nerves running through you.

“please follow me into room two, i’m just gonna get your vitals.”

you stayed silent as she took your blood pressure and checked your reflexes, you had to take a moment to calm yourself down after you saw your weight, you had freaked out before you remembered that there was currently another being inside of you.

“alright your vitals look good.” the nurse spoke before exiting the room. “follow me into this room, you can go ahead and take a seat on the bed in the center of the room. the doctor should be in shortly.”

you nodded and thanked her before she exited and you took a look around the room, taking a few mirror selfies to send to the family group chat. you had told all of your immediate relatives over facetime on your way back from nico’s yesterday, the news was received better than you had planned so you couldn’t say anything about your mom’s comments on being a grandmother, she made it very clear she was on team “keep the baby and be a badass single mom in the city”.

you sat on the bed/chair thing, ripping the paper instantly as you tried to get comfortable.

you took your eyes off your phone as you heard a series of knocks.

“miss y/n?”

“yes, that’s me.”

“hi, i’m dr.swarn i’ll be assisting you today. is this your first ultrasound?” the middle aged woman asked.

“yes it is.”

“and do you know how far along you are?”

“i’m assuming three to four months…i just found out yesterday…”

“well we will find out today.” the doctor began getting the sonograph ready as you attempted to mentally prepare yourself. “-and i have to ask…the father, is he in the picture?”

“he is, but it’s complicated…we aren’t together.”

the doctor simply nodded before asking you to lift up your shirt and warning you that the gel might be cold.

after a few moments, a grainy black and white image showed up on the screen, dr. swarn pointing things out. “-and this is your baby! it is a couple weeks too early to figure out the gender, so i would estimate that you are about four months pregnant.”

you didn’t really focus on anything she said though, all your attention was on that tiny blob.

“do you want to hear the heartbeat?”

as dr.swarn began to turn up the volume the door swung open.

a very out of breath and sweaty nico stood in the door frame, bent over catching his breath.

“sorry i’m late!” nico walked up towards where you were lying on the table and smiled up at the doctor. “i’m the father.”

dr.swarn smiled at him before speaking. “well you made it just in time, we were just about to listen to the heartbeat.”

she had the screen turned towards her so nico had yet to see the baby. “this is your baby-” dr.swarn turned the screen back towards you and nico. “and this is their heartbeat.”

it was like everything around you had disappeared and all you knew was the image of your baby and the sound of their heartbeat. nico grabbed your hand and effectively pulled you out of the trance you were in.

“would you like me to discuss your options with you?” dr.swarn asked, turning the heartbeat down.

“no, i’m keeping it.”

+++

you got a recording of the heartbeat and got a couple prints of the ultrasound before exiting the doctors office, nico getting the same things as you.

“so you’re actually gonna keep it?” nico asked once he had walked you to your car.

“yes i am, and i don’t expect you to be involved at all if you don’t want to…i can do this on my own.”

“well you won’t have to.” nico started. “move into my apartment.”

you sighed, but nico spoke again before you could. “look we don’t have to get married right away, just move in…we will see how things go from there.”

“nico- i’m not moving in with you, i am perfectly fine living in my apartment and so is the baby.” you didn’t mean for your tone to come off so harsh, well you did a little bit, but you didn’t want nico thinking that you would be getting together just because of your child together. “look nico, i know that you believe that to raise a child the mother and father need to be together but i don’t and i don’t want to be with someone just because people think we have to. i will not be having a shotgun wedding.”

“what is a shotgun wedding?”

“-it does matter. we are not getting together nico.” you got into the driver's seat of your car. “i don’t really know how this co-parenting shit works, and i’m assuming you don’t either so let’s just make sure to be patient with one another, okay?”

nico nodded before you said your goodbyes and drove off in the direction of your apartment.

+++

around two weeks later as you sat in your little cubicle your phone started ringing.

nico (hookup)

you sighed and saved the progress on your current project before picking up the phone.

“hello?”

“hey, are you home right now?”

“no, it’s two in the afternoon on a thursday. i’m at work.”

“oh i didn’t think you would work while pregnant…” “i need to fund this child’s life somehow.”

there was an awkward silence for a few moments before you spoke up again.

“did you need something nico?”

“well i called to ask if you would like to come over for dinner tonight.”

“what are you making? because i don’t mean to sound rude, but this child doesn’t like anything i cook and you’re much worse than me.”

“hey i’m not that bad!” you both chuckle before nico speaks again. “is there anything you’re craving right now?”

“jiggly cheesecake and that gouda mac n cheese with sausage i got when we went to new york two years ago.”

“okay i can’t make any of that.”

“just make whatever you want, i’ll force it down if the baby doesn’t like it. what time should i come over?”

“5:30?”

“okay, i’ll just come straight from work.”

you said your goodbyes before you go back to your work.

+++

once the clock struck 4:45 you called it a day and headed out to your car before driving to nico’s apartment.

you knocked on the door, a tad bit confused because you heard multiple voices on the other side of the door, if it wasn’t for the welcome mat on the outside that you had forced nico to get you would’ve thought you were at the wrong door.

“hey.” nico opened the door, the voices only getting louder.

“hey…are other people joining us…?” you asked, looking around his apartment confused.

“yeah i probably should've mentioned-”

nico had begun to speak, but a voice that you knew as nico’s mother. “is y/n here!?” soon you saw her smiling faces coming towards you with open arms. “oh come here, it’s been too long sweetie!”

god bless your work bag that seemed to span to five feet because it was hiding your baby bump that was very noticeable in your blouse.

“hello mrs.hischier, how are you?” you asked politely, but you were really wanting to strangle nico right now.

“i’m great! luca and nina are here too!”

“oh that’s great! i’ll go see them in a second, i just need to talk to nico really quickly.”

you smiled as she walked away before turning to nico and gave him a swift slap on the backside of his head. “are you crazy!? did you just ambush a pregnancy announcement on me!?”

“look, i know this probably wasn’t the best way to approach this, but my family needs to know.”

“i am fully aware of that, but this is something that you plan out, not something you spring on a pregnant woman!”

“i’m sorry! just- let’s go into the living room, nina really misses you.”

you had met nico’s family multiple times before and were especially close with his sister nina, she was the only one who knew of you and nico’s odd relationship and was the number one supporter of you two getting together.

you walked out, your work bag still covering yourself as you greeted luca and nina, the later giving you a look that only made you nervous.

you made small talk with the family before nico announced that dinner was ready. thankfully nico had brought your plate to you, both you and the fetus were happy with the look and smell of the fettuccine alfredo, with sausage, that nico had made. “thank you.”

as much as you didn’t want to, you had to set your work bag that had been used as a bump shield on the floor to eat, you just hoped everyone was too distracted by the food in front of them to notice.

“so what was the news that you had to share? i assume it has to do with y/n?” mrs.hischier spoke excitedly, it was obvious she was hoping that you and nico had started dating.

“y/n is pregnant and i’m the father and we are keeping it, but we are not together.” nico spoke quickly, his head down as if he was a child being scolded.

“oh…”

it wasn’t the worst reaction that could’ve happened, but it definitely wasn’t the best one, but how good of a reaction could one get after they tell their mother they got their fuck buddy pregnant.

“we’re figuring this all out as we go, but i am very sorry mrs.hischier i understand this isn’t how one would usually want their son to become a father.” you apologized, your head was also down.

“i’m not angry, just shocked and a little bit disappointed in you nico…but everything happens for a reason so i fully support you two.” you and nico let out identical sighs as his mother revealed that she was not going to disown either of us.

+++

the rest of dinner went great, you even made plans for both yours and nico’s family to get together for a small gender reveal brunch before the hischier’s headed back to switzerland.

nina had called dibs on walking you out so you prepared yourself for the question you knew she was going to ask.

“are you absolutely, one hundred percent, serious when you say that you and nico are not together in any way, whatsoever, romantically?” nina asks, using too many synonyms for the word definitely.

“yes i am absolutely, one hundred percent, serious when i say that me and nico are not together in any way, whatsoever, romantically.” you reply, mocking her words.

she doesn’t seem too pleased by your answer and whines. “why? i want a sister and you are the only person i like, in general.”

“that is very sweet nina, but me and nico don’t like each other in that way. we’ve been…boinking for almost two years now. if either of us had feelings, i guarantee they would have been confessed by now and we probably would not be expecting a child out of wedlock in five months.”

nina let out an exaggerated sigh as you neared your car.

“me and nico are just friends, okay?” you spoke, getting into the driver’s seat.

“yeah friends who happen to boink on a weekly basis and are now expecting a child together.”

“i’ll see you at brunch on sunday nina.”

+++

“i’m team boy and girl!”

“mom i already told you we aren’t having twins.”

the sunday morning activities were supposed to be fun, and they were, but they were causing you a shit load of stress.

it seemed like everything nico was doing was aggravating you, and when nico and your little brother were in the same room it was a recipe for disaster. plus your mother wasn’t any help, she teamed up with nico’s mother and kept pressuring you to at least move in with nico, who you believe put them up to it.

“okay let’s just get this over with!” you yelled out, just wanting to figure out the gender so you could go home and have some much needed alone time.

nico came up next to you holding the envelope that contained the gender. “you ready mommy?”

“ew, don’t call me that.”

everyone had their phones out and began counting down as nico opened up the envelope.

“it’s a…GIRL!”

everyone’s cheers only furthered your headache, but you gave nico a smile and side hug before going over to your mother who ecstatically hugged you.

“a baby girl! i’m so happy for you y/n, my first grandbaby!”

you quickly said your goodbyes, not bothering to eat any of the food that was made or open any of the gifts that were brought.

were you being a rude, ungrateful, bitch for no reason? yes. but you were too exhausted to care or feel bad about nico’s constant dejected looks on his face throughout the morning.

+++

the second you got home you passed out on the floor of your apartment , god bless the pregnancy pillow your mother had delivered to you because you had a weird thing for sleeping on hardwood floors.

you woke up at three in the afternoon to a series of knocks at your door. you took a while to get up and once you did you regretted it because you saw nico looking very angry through the peephole.

you grabbed a sharpie and a sheet of paper towel and wrote the words “GO AWAY” in a very bold font before slipping it under the door.

the knocking silenced for a moment before it got louder, along with a call of your name.

“y/n. open the fucking door.” nico was seething.

you opened up the door. “what? i was sleeping.” you pointed to the pillow and blanket on the floor of your kitchen.

“on the floor?”

“yes- what do you need nico?”

“you left the party so quickly that you didn’t even get to open up your gifts, or acknowledge them.” nico gestured to the large bag of wrapped gifts that sat at his feet. “you actually left the party so early that the food wasn’t even served before you had said your goodbyes, which by the way thanks for not saying goodbye to me and thanks so much for the fake smile and side hug you gave me after we found out the gender of our child. that’s gonna be a real joy to look back on.”

you felt your headache coming back, you were starting to believe the sole cause was nico.

“seriously what was your problem this morning?” nico asked after a few moments of silence.

“my problem was that i didn’t even want this baby in the first place and i know for a fact i’m not going to be a good mother, and you! nico you are my problem, everything you did this morning seemed to piss me off and it’s probably just the pregnancy hormones making me easily irritable, but you were getting on my fucking nerves by breathing this morning.”

nico kicked the bag of gifts into your apartment in a fit. “well i’ll stop bothering you then.”

you knew you should’ve been a rational adult and went after him, but you weren’t, so you slammed the door and brought all the gifts to the living room so you could open them.

you smiled as you realized that all of the gifts were for you. your favorite candies and snacks, maternity clothes, and some prenatal care items that you probably should’ve started taking the second you found out you were pregnant, with the exception of one gift. it was from nico, you could tell by the poor wrapping job, you had been the one to wrap all of his christmas gifts ever since you met him except your own of course, those he always wrapped himself and they were a nightmare.

once you got his present unwrapped you found a boat load of mini devils gear. bibs, socks, a onesie, even a pair of noise canceling headphones. at the bottom of the box you found a very tiny devil’s jersey with the number thirteen on the back and a big patched “C” on the front. you teared up once you saw the big patched “DADDY” above the thirteen on the back and a matching bow headband with a small note. i’m writing this before the reveal and i know we don’t know the sex yet, but i’m hoping for a girl and i know you are too. i hope the headband is a little good luck charm that baby girl judith is on the way. - nico.

you teared up at the note, especially at nico remembering the name you’ve always wanted to name your first daughter.

you quickly called nico, tears streaming down your face and nose all stuffy.

“hello?”

“come back up…please.”

“on my way.”

+++

you stood by the door waiting for nico to knock and once he did you immediately opened the door and nearly tackled him from the hug you gave him.

“i’m sorry.” you mumbled, still crying.

“i know, it’s okay.”

you walked into your apartment and sat on your couch next to nico. “you remembered my baby names.”

“how could i forget them?” nico stated.

“what would you have done if it was baby boy gannon instead of judith?” you asked, turning your head that was leaned on his shoulder up to look at him.

“turn the headband into a bowtie…?”

you laughed at him before your stomach growled loudly.

“what are you in the mood for?” nico asked immediately.

“canes, but that’s in the city and i don’t wanna make you go to new york.”

nico stood up after hearing your restaurant of choice. “c’mon, i’ll drive.”

+++

“how is it?”

“this is sex in a chicken tender nico, thank you for taking me here.”

nico laughed at your response before the both of you continued to eat a comfortable silence.

“hey tell your family that i’m sorry for how i was acting this morning, i am super grateful for them helping plan the reveal and to delay their flight to attend.”

“don’t worry, they understand that pregnancy emotions can be a lot, but i will still let them know.” nico said, making a mental note to text the family group chat.

“their gifts were very thoughtful too, how did nina know i like black licorice?”

“oh i let them know all your favorite things, that wasn’t alcohol.” nico shrugged as if it was no big deal.

you took a moment to process his answer, it wasn’t that weird for nico to know all of your favorite snacks and desserts, that’s what friends do…right?

+++

to: nico (hookup)

i have my sixth month checkup tomorrow at 10am, would you like to join?

from: nico (hookup)

yeah, do you wanna meet there or drive together?

to: nico (hookup)

could we drive together?

from: nico (hookup)

of course, i’ll pick you up at 9:30, we’ll stop by mcdonalds for breakfast. i know you love their sausage muffins.

you hadn’t seen nico since the day of the gender reveal party and when you went into the city together to get canes. of course you stayed in contact, but it was hard with both of your work schedules that often collided.

the next day nico was knocking on your door right at nine thirty in the morning, and you were still passed out. the pregnancy pillow and weighted blanket combo was not being your friend right now, though it was at 5am when the gremlin in your womb wouldn’t stop kicking. which she did for the first time earlier that day.

after about five minutes of nico knocking on your door with no response he began to fully panic, had you fallen down and couldn’t get up? were you dead in your bed? did you forget he was picking you up? so many things could’ve happened to you.

after a few moments of contemplating, nico decided that his only option was to break the door down. he began backing up a few steps and then running full force into your door, it took about seven tries for the door to fall to the ground.

the sound of the first impact of nico’s body was enough to wake you up. at the second impact you became aware of your surroundings, and at the third you thought someone was trying to break into your apartment.

you grabbed the closet weapon you could find, a meat pounder that you left on your kitchen counter last night, and got in position, ready to attack the person on the other side of the door.

once the door fell to the ground and the body fell on top of it, you got ready to swing.

“y/n!? are you alive!?”

“AHHH- nico!?” you froze your movements, the pounder hanging right above your head. “what are you doing here!?”

nico was still on the ground, also frozen as he tried to catch his breath. “ultrasound.”

you dropped your hands to your side as an ohhh played in your head. “i’m sorry i completely forgot. just give me a few moments and then we can leave.”

you turned around to enter your room before you froze and turned back around.

“i don’t have a front door…”

“i’ll text jack to come over and watch over the place and reattach it while we’re gone, the kid needs something to do this morning anyways.” nico said while pulling out his phone.

“does he know?”

“no, but he will…i’ve been meaning to ask you about telling the team anyways.”

“we can talk about it later , i need to get ready.”

you quickly got dressed, sporting a tight tank top, tight leggings, and a tight zip up. all tight because this baby had you gaining five pounds a minute. you huffed and puffed trying to get the tank top on. eventually you got it over your bump, but it was rising up and you were spilling out of it in too many places. deciding to just embrace the bummy look you threw on uggs, didn’t bother to put your contacts in, and left your hair in the rat's nest bun you’ve been wearing for the past five days since you were told to take a break from work by your boss, of course you had to faint in front of her.

“nico i need to get maternity clothes, i’m pretty sure these tanktop strings will snap if i raise my arm and don’t get me started on these leggings.”

“you’re huge…”

“thanks nico, you’re really helping out right now.” you joked, but deep down you were upset. you don’t tell a pregnant woman she is huge, especially if it’s your baby. “let’s go, we can’t be late.”

“jack is almost here, babe.” the nickname slipped out before nico could even process what he was saying.

“uhm…”

“yo nico what’s up…where is y/n’s door.” jack said while walking into your apartment.

“you’re standing on it.” you spoke. jack’s eye’s wandered to you and then to your belly, and then they got really wide. “hi jacklyn.”

“oh shit.”

“we can talk about this later, but me and nico really have to go because we’re already running late.”

you and nico quickly walked out, the later telling jack that you had a toolbox under your sink and to “go crazy.”

“no mcdonalds then huh?” nico asked as you got into his car.

“no, but i’ll be fine.”

+++

you weren’t fine.

you quickly got hangry and so did judith, nico seemed to be your punching for just about everything and even though he said he was fine, you could tell you hit home when you told him he needed to wax his eyebrows.

dr.swarn was completely fine with you guys being ten minutes late because she didn’t have anyone scheduled after you. the appointment went great except judith didn’t want to kick when nico felt your stomach, and of course nico’s hands were all dry and calloused which you hated feeling on your skin, and then after the ultrasound was over you guys rushed to mcdonalds because nico was determined to get you a damn sausage muffin, but of course you were two minutes past the cutoff for lunch and the teenager taking your order wouldn’t budge and you had to pretend like the cheeseburger didn’t come back up the second you got into the restroom. all you wanted to do is go home and be alone…and eat jalapeno poppers…and mozzarella sticks…

nico stopped at target to get what you wanted, and mac n cheese bites because he knew you’d love them.

you were pleasantly surprised when you arrived home to your door back on. luckily it had just separated itself from the hinges when nico tackled it to the ground, so it was an easy fix for jack.

once you stepped inside, nico quickly got to work, placing large portions of everything he bought in your airfryer. nico said it was crazy to buy a twenty size quart size air fryer and that you would never use it, but here he was being proven wrong.

you quickly changed out of the leggings and jacket, leaving the tank top on because you knew it would be just as much of a workout to get it off as it was to get it on and you threw on nico’s heart boxers he swears he wore as a joke, but you knew he picked them out at the store being one hundred percent serious.

“you two kids come sit down.” jack spoke loudly, as if he was your father.

“jack we are both older than you.” nico spoke sitting down in the spot next to you on your couch.

“doesn’t matter. you’re pregnant?”

you both nodded as jack pointed to you.

“-and you’re the father?”

you both nodded as jack pointed to nico.

“and you’re keeping it together as…”

“friends, just friends.”

“friends don’t have babies together.” jack gave you a skeptical look.

“they do now.” you stood up. “goodbye jack.”

+++

“i think it’s best if you two move in together, for both your safety y/n, and the babies.”

dr.swarn spoke before leaving you and nico in the room alone,

you were now seven months pregnant and you were constantly fainting, your boss had stopped allowing you to come into work and told you that you “needed rest” so you met her halfway and you now work from home.

nico was over one night after a game when he walked in on you passed out on the kitchen floor, but this time it wasn’t on purpose. he immediately began staying the night on your couch to make sure you were alright and as soon as you could he got you into dr.swarn’s office.

“i’m taking you home and we’re packing you up. i’ll text jack to come over with luke.” nico said as you exited the obgyn.

“you know i can help right? judith is fine-”

“-but you’re not fine! you told dr.swarn that you’ve been fainting since even before you got pregnant, and i didn’t know. why didn’t you tell me about all this?” nico interrupted you, obviously upset.

“because it’s not important!” you snapped back. “it doesn’t affect judith in anyway, so i don’t understand you’re so worried.”

“it’s important because it affects you. i am worried about you, and i’m allowed to be. now there is no more arguments, you will be moving in with me and ending your lease at your current place.”

“nico-”

“no, that is final.”

+++

for the rest of the day you sat and watched tv while the two hughes and nico packed up your apartment until they had to pack your tv, which you insisted they did last.

“the truck is all loaded up, we’re gonna drive it over to nico’s and he is going to drive you in your car.” jack spoke as you approached where the truck was parked on the side of the street.

you nodded as nico helped you into the car. you hated admitting it, but you were much larger than you were expecting to be at this time in your pregnancy.

+++

once you had made it to nico’s apartment you did the same thing you were doing before while the boys unpacked your stuff into the second bedroom, absolutely nothing.

you got up and waddled over to where the guys were all watching luke struggle to get the fitted sheet on your bed.

“can i please do something? anything?” you begged.

“yeah, go out and use my laptop to create a list of things you want as gifts at the baby shower, a registry because i know you want specific things for judith.” nico answered your begging.

“baby shower? i’m having a baby shower?” you had not been informed of this.

“yeah, all the guys on the team and their partners are gonna come, so are your friends and family, mine is coming too.” nico spoke like it was no big deal.

nico had told the guys about three weeks ago because they saw the ultrasound in his locker. which in response had you getting multiple text messages from some of the girls all sounding very similar to “i thought y’all were just friends?”

“when is this?” you asked, knowing you would need to get an outfit ready.

“next saturday, we have no game.” nico replied simply

“that’s in a week!” you shrieked, when you went maternity clothes shopping that did not involve any dresses.

“yeah, so you better get working on that list.”

+++

it only took you ten minutes to make the list because all you had to do was transfer it from a google doc, where it was already made but just titled as your shopping list, to a spreadsheet where people could claim a gift to give you, nico, and the baby.

it was a list with the basics. a stroller, breast pump, car seat (preferably one that went with the stroller), bed sheets, clothes, the essentials to keep a newborn alive, but you also had other things like decor for the nursery toys, and this bedside bassinet that your mother had been raving about since she saw it on facebook. you thanked god that your new room had a walk-in closet because that was going to be judith’s room. you weren’t even sure it was a closet because it was completely empty, no shelves or rods to hang anything on, it was more of a very small room, but it worked out better for you so you couldn’t complain.

you quickly went back to where the boys were, silently screaming as they made your bed completely wrong.

“please, oh please for the love of god, let me make my bed.” you begged nico, genuinely astonished that they had managed to put your pillows in the wrong order and put your comforter on inside out.

“i thought i told you to make your list?” nico said.

“i already finished. it was easy.” you said as you began stripping your bed of everything on it. “i just put down everything i already had on my shopping list…and then some because i know my friends are gonna wanna get me multiple things.”

you made sure to stare jack down as you put your comforter on the correct way before you placed your pillows in the correct order as well as the blankets at the end of your bed.

nico was quick to rush you back into the living room, turning on a movie for you to watch. you quickly got bored, which meant you quickly got hungry.

“nico!” you yelled out, needed your baby daddy to come to your rescue.

“yes honey?” nico approached where you were lying down, the two brothers laughing at their captain.

“i’m hungry.” you gave him a hopeful smile. “for taco bell…” “you’re order still the same as it was last time?” nico didn’t even hesitate to grab his shoes and keys.

“yes, but if they have nacho fries please get those too.” you answered, nico had basically all of your fast food orders memorized by now.

“nico can i get some food too?” jack asked in a girly voice.

“please honey!” luke added.

“fuck off you two, go finish putting her clothes away.

+++

soon enough you had dragged nico out to go shopping for a dress for your baby shower. luke and jack had left shortly after nico arrived back home with your food and once you finished eating you got nico to drive you to the mall.

“ooh what about this one?” you pulled out a simple floral dress.

“it’s nice, but it’s only march. don’t you think it’ll be too cold for a tank top?” nico spoke, reminding you that it was still freezing cold in new jersey.

a few minutes later you approached where nico was sat in a chair with a dress you thought would be more appropriate.

“what about this? i love the pink.” it was basically a dupe of the skims long sleeve dress, but you didn’t really care. “we’ll have to find a polo that matches the color while we’re out.”

nico approved of the dress so you were quick to go to the checkout and buy the dress, excited about the event that was going to happen, after you pulled nico into the closest department store and found a polo that was close enough to the shade of pink of your dress.

“how are you gonna tell the media about…this whole thing?” you asked on the way home.

“what whole thing?” nico questioned, not exactly understanding what you meant.

“the fact that you knocked up some chick, who you are now living with to raise the baby, but you aren’t together with said chick.” you deadpanned, thinking of all the reactions you knew you were going to get from the hockey world. you could already see the “baby trapper” and “gold digger” comments and dms you would get.

“i didn’t knock up some chick, i knocked up my…friend?”

“yeah go with that, it sounded real believable nico.” you said sarcastically.

“look i don’t really know how to tell the world that i got my hook up/best friend pregnant because, as jack as told me multiple times, my pull out game is weak.” you laughed and agreed with jack that nico did in fact have a weak pull out game, the evidence was currently kicking you.

after a few moments of silence nico spoke up again. “alright what if we don’t mention our relationship at all. we just make an instagram post together of images of the ultrasounds and pics from the baby shower and tell everyone that we are expecting. we definitely won’t post the gender reveal video because you look like you were planning my death in it, but we just make the post and don’t comment on our relationship.”

you had to admit that it was a good idea, but you already knew that this would make everyone assume that you were dating. most people did already, which you understood. you wore playoff jackets with nico’s name and number, you attend team events and parties together, hell you went to the nhl awards with him and his family, and you are super close with his family, so you were never upset that people assumed your relationship status with nico because you did everything that the other girlfriends and wives did.

“i like that idea.”

+++

“alright this gift is from me and jack.” luke spoke as he handed you a gift.

you were a bit overwhelmed with the amount of people looking at you and just simply being in your home, but you knew that these people were here for you and at the end of the day you were getting a shit ton of gifts.

so far every single thing you had put on your list was gifted to you and now it was just things people thought you or the baby would like.

“oh you guys…i love it!” it was a wood wall decal of judith’s name and it matched the pink polkadot of her sheets.

“there is more under it.” jack spoke up.

you lifted up the large sign and saw a baby onesie in maize and blue that said “future wolverine.”

you and your friends started laughing at it.

“you guys do know that i went to ohio state right?”

you were met with a disgusted stare by the brothers, more specifically the youngest, only causing you to laugh harder, not noticing nico’s pissed off expression, the one he had on his face all day.

+++

you continued to open up gifts and thank everyone, nico was one writing duty so he wrote down each gift and who it was from so you could send them thank you cards later in the week.

once presents were done it was photo time. you took lots with your family and nico’s family, as well as some with your friends, and of course you had to keep the tradition going with the girls from the team and took a picture of everyone pointing at your belly.

you only took a couple with nico, as he had been oddly distant all day.

after everyone left you and nico began moving everything into judith’s nursery and setting things up.

“thank you for setting that up, i had a lot of fun.” you spoke up, interrupting the awkward silence that was looming around you two.

nico nodded as he finished building the crib, you were given the simple task of putting all the wipes and diapers in the changing table’s cabinet.

“so once we’re done do you want to make the instagram post? or were you wanting to wait until after judith was born to post?” it was awkward, nico was just sitting there once the crib was all set up. “...nico?”

you were met with silence, nico was staring at you, yet not speaking.

“okay what the hell is up with you today? you’ve been weird all day, the only time you were even interacting with me was during pictures.” you had snapped, getting aggravated by the swiss’ behavior today.

“it’s nothing i just…” nico started speaking, but trailed off quickly.

“are you having second thoughts about all of this?” you whispered, scared to say it too loudly, scared that it is the truth. “second thoughts about judith?”

nico’s head instantly shook. “no, of course not.”

“then what’s wrong?”

“it’s nothing, i’m just not feeling the greatest and i didn’t want to risk you getting sick so i tried to keep my distance from you…” nico lied.

earlier, when the party was first starting, nico had overheard your conversation with your friends about how you couldn’t wait to give birth so you can start going out on dates and having meaningless hookups, saying that you missed being a twenty two year old who could do twenty two year old things.

nico understood you had urges, hell he had his urges too. over the course of your pregnancy you and nico had the occasional…hang out, but ever since you moved it was happening once, sometimes twice, a day. he thought it meant something, he thought you guys were finally going somewhere, but it seemed like you just wanted to go back to how things were before, which would probably be impossible, you have a fucking kid togther.

nico had realized a year ago that he had feelings for you. the only reason he didn’t go full legal team on your ass when you told him you were pregnant was because of how desperately he had fallen for you.

“oh, well you could’ve just told me that earlier, i was worried that i had done something.” you said before an awkward silence settled in the room. “well could you put all the sheets and clothes we got today in the washer? i’m gonna start on thank you notes in the living room.”

you shook off the tension as you exited the small room, nico gathering everything that needed to be washed in a small basket before going into the laundry room.

+++

“i don’t like that, why don’t we just wait to post until she is born to post everything, have the caption just be judith? i think that's better than a three hundred word rant that could be summarized by i knocked up my friend.”

three weeks until you were due to pop and you and nico still hadn’t gone public with the pregnancy. of course the wag blogs found a way to get a hold of a picture of you and nico from earlier on in the pregnancy where people could only speculate whether or not you were with child or just had a large lunch and somehow it got out that you had moved in with nico, only furthering the rumors that had been going on for years that you and nico are more than just friends.

“okay. let’s wait until she comes to post, but i don’t like that caption, let’s keep thinking.” nico replied, the devil’s PR team email staring back at him. “they want us to publicize it before someone else does it for us.”

“well it’s a good thing i’m chained to this bed until i go into labor.” you joked, you were so big you could barely sit up let alone walk anywhere. “no one is going to find out, don’t worry. it will all be okay.”

+++

two weeks later you had been having contractions all day, but dr.swarn said to not go to the hospital until your water had broke because these contractions could’ve been directly connected to stress. considering that your pregnancy was exposed three days ago, you would say that you were pretty stressed out.

one of the girls, not even thinking, had posted a photo dump on instagram to celebrate the devil’s season ending and included one from your baby shower. nico, you, and unborn judith right in the center of it all. it was quickly taken down, but the damage had already been done and now all of nico’s and your social medias were being flooded by comments.

nico was currently at locker cleanout, and the meeting he had to have with the PR team to apologize for not listening to them and to set up a game plan to rescue him from whatever deepshit this was going to get him in was scheduled for right after.

you were laid down on the kitchen floor, your mother was somewhere in the living room timing your contractions. you were having a big contraction, holding onto the nearby chair leg for support, when you felt a gush of liquid puddle under you.

“MOM!?” you yelled out, your water had just broke.

“sweetie!? what’s going on- OH LORD!” your mother scrambled to get you on your feet as you cried out in pain. “let me get the bag!” you had never seen your mom run so fast, you would’ve laughed at her nearly tripping if it wasn’t for the child threatening the slip out at any moment.

you were assisted into the backseat of your mother’s car as she drove to the hospital.

“if you could step on it, that would be great i’m kinda-” your sarcastic comment was cut off by another contraction. “nico…oh my god nico! i need to call him!”

you fished around the packed bag until you got a grip on your phone, dialing up nico as quickly as possible.

“i’m sorry but the number you reached is not available. please leave a message at the sound of the beep.”

you groaned loudly, speaking into the phone.

“your child is currently in the process of being born, i’m at the hospital closest to the arena. please hurry.”

+++

you laid in the weirdly comfortable hospital bed, not yet fully dilated. it worked out in your favor because nico had yet to show up. you left a couple text messages and then a few more voicemails.

“i don’t know what the fuck your doing right now, but if judith is born before you get here your last name will not be on the birth certificate.” you said into the microphone, leaving the third voicemail of the day.

nico’s entire family was flying in next week and nico had made sure that he had all of next week off from any media or anything related to hockey so he could be there for the birth, but now judith was coming early and no one but your mother was here.

dr.swarn entered your hospital room again, she had arrived shortly after you because you had paged her the second you got into the car. “how are we doing momma?”

“not good, baby daddy is nowhere to be seen and i’m still not dilated enough to get this monster out of me.” you answered, setting your phone down beside you.

after a few moments dr.swarn smiled. “well i’m sorry about nico’s absence, but judith is ready to come out. you’re ready to push.”

+++

you don’t remember much, the epidural had kicked in.

you remember holding onto your mom’s hand so hard that she yelped in pain at one point.

you remember cursing nico for not only doing this to you, but not being there for you.

you remember crying, a lot, and you remember judith crying a lot too.

you remember holding judith for the first time. both of your tears stopped for just a moment as you had skin on skin contact.

you whimpered as they took her away for cleaning, but soon she was wrapped up and you were able to hold her again.

you remember the sound of footsteps and a thick swiss accent begging to be let into the room, continuously yelling that he was the father. your mother was quick to go into the hall and defend nico from the nurses saying he couldn’t go into the room, and as soon as nico saw you holding judith he began crying.

“y/n i am so so sorry, i was-”

“where the hell were you!? i just had to give birth to our daughter without the father there!” you scolded the man.

“i put my phone at the bottom of my bag during locker cleanout and didn’t even think to take it out before my meeting with management. i got here as fast as i could.” nico had to catch his breath while he spoke.

“i was all alone…” you teared up, all of your emotions catching up to you again.

“i know. i know baby and i’m so sorry.” nico said, coming to your side. “can i hold her?”

you were too distracted by nico calling you baby, well more specifically by the feeling in your stomach, to answer with words. you just nodded and handed judith over. “be careful, and make sure to support her head.”

you smiled at the sight of nico holding judith, tears in his eyes, quickly taking a picture.

“were you serious about my name not being on the birth certificate?”

+++

once everything had settled down and you and nico were finally given some alone time in the hospital room you began making calls.

your mom had already messaged your families group chat, informing them of judith’s birth and sending pictures, so now you just had to call nico’s family. first was his mother, you had wanted to call her before you went into labor but it was around midnight for her and you didn’t want to wake her up.

she was so happy to hear from you, and you had never heard such an excited scream in your life when you turned the camera onto where judith was currently sleeping in your arms, nico having moved to lay behind you in the bed, his chest being your pillow.

“oh you have to call nina next, she has been so excited to become an aunt!”

that’s exactly what you two did.

facetime nina was fun, she gave you some much needed comic relief and she didn’t make any comments on yours and nico’s relationship…while he was in the room.

the second nico stepped out of the room nina was quick to ask when the wedding was.

“never gonna happen. i don’t like nico like that, and he doesn’t like me like that.” you said while putting judith back in that plastic jail they call a crib. “we’re here to talk about my gorgeous daughter who looks a little too much like nico for my liking.”

“ouch.”

your head whipped around to see nico standing at the door. “your back early.” you were hoping he didn’t hear what you had said earlier. lately nico had been acting insanely weird everytime someone brought up your relationship with one another.

“the nurse was just outside, she’s gonna go finish the final paperwork and we’ll probably be out of here in the next hour.” nico said before turning back around. “i’m gonna go help out with the discharge papers.”

once he left you let out a groan. “nina why is your brother acting so weird?”

“what’s up with him?” she asked, curiously.

“ever since the baby shower he has just been…off. i don’t even know how to explain it.” you started off, beginning to pace around the room. “he is so distant, and really out of it. i would think it might just be with the upsetting ending of the season, but this has been going on since before the playoffs. he keeps saying that he is sick and doesn’t want to expose me to germs, but i live with him and i haven’t even heard him sneeze from allergies.”

“do you think, and i hate to ask this, that he is having regrets about…everything?”

you felt tears fill your eyes at her question. “yeah, i do. i asked him, and he denied it, but i can’t think of any other reason why he would distance himself from me and from judith.”

the lack of response from your friend on the phone was enough to make you start crying.

“i have my essentials packed up and my mom has a lawyer on speed dial just in case something happens…” you felt horrible having to admit this, especially to his sister. “i don’t want the lawyers, it’s my moms doing.” you felt guilty for what having a lawyer would be implying.

“-i’m not judging you. just make sure nico doesn’t find out, i have a feeling he won’t be a fan of you even having a bag packed.” nina cut you off. “look i have to go, just keep me updated.”

you assured her you would before saying your goodbyes.

+++

“hey you just have to sign the discharge papers and the birth certificate, then we can leave.” nico said, entering the hospital room you had been in for the past couple of hours.

it had been around twenty minutes since you said goodbye to nina, deciding to finish phone calls tomorrow and instead spend your time crying while holding your crying newborn, best way to bond right?

“okay.” you sniffled. “could you put judith in her carseat? i’m gonna change.”

bond right?

“okay.” you sniffled. “could you put judith in her carseat? i’m gonna change.”

nico nodded and picked judith up from the hospital’s crib, holding her close to his chest and staring at her in awe. he couldn’t believe that this precious little girl was his.

“i’m always going to love and protect you, no matter what. your mother too. someday we’ll be a happy family, the three of us, hopeful gannon will join us sometime soon…” nico trailed off. “daddy loves you and he loves mommy too, you’re the two most important women in my life now, don’t you ever forget that…your mommy does a lot.”

nico couldn’t finish his peptalk, or whatever one would call the conversation with his daughter, because you had stepped out of the bathroom changed and ready to go. “are you okay?” it was obvious that you were crying, you don’t know why you were even trying to hid it.

“i’m fine, just emotional…just gave birth ya know.” you tried to laugh it off.

nico didn’t believe it. “we’ll talk when we get home.”

+++

“why have you been acting so weird-”

“i overheard what you said-”

you and nico spoke at the same time, nico gesturing for you to go first.

“you overheard!?” you were convinced you were breaking a sweat from how panicked you had become in an instant. “look nico, the lawyer was my mother’s idea a-and i haven’t even actually talked to them yet, my mother just has them on retainer.”

“wait, what!?” nico stared at you with a look that scared you. “i was talking about what you said at your baby shower. you have a lawyer!? do you have all your things packed too so you’re ready to leave me and take judith with you!?” your silence only made nico angrier. “oh my god you do have your shit packed.”

“j-just the essentials…” you stuttered out.

“yeah because that makes a difference.” nico had distanced himself from you. “i cannot believe this.”

“i only did that stuff because for the past month it's seemed like the last thing you wanted was to be in mine and judith’s life!” your loud voices woke judith up, her loud wails only making the room more tense. you picked her up and tried to soothe her as you spoke to nico. “i’m only gonna ask you one more time nico, do you regret being with me and deciding to be in judith’s life?”

“no. i do not regret it y/n.” nico spoke sternly.

“then why the hell are you treating us this way?”

“because i am in love with you.”

your eyes widened in shock and you nearly lost your grip on judith from the whiplash that seemed to go through your body.

“you…what!?”

it was essentially a stare down between the two of you, it was so uncomfortable in the room that even judith shut her mouth.

“i have for a year now, probably longer, a-and i thought that judith would finally be my way into your heart. i thought that me being there for you, and for our daughter, would make you love me too.” nico’s tone of voice was one of a kicked puppy.

“what are you doing?” you asked, not pleased with what he was throwing onto you. “why are you telling me this?”

“i just needed you to know.” nico whispered his response, not expecting that reaction.

“so you’ve been in love with me for a year now?” nico nodded at your question. “so how does that add up to you treating me like some gold digging whore who got pregnant on purpose for the past month?”

“i’m not-” nico let out a heavy sigh. “at your baby shower you said you couldn’t wait for everything to get back to how it was before the pregnancy.”

“yeah, so?”

“so!? you’ve basically been counting down the days until you’re able to fuck someone else, while i’ve been doing everything in my power to prove myself to you that i am worthy of being more than just the guy you fuck when no one else is available.” nico grew angry, if this was a cartoon steam would be coming out of his ears.

“i didn’t ask for you to do that nico! i was happy with how things were before judith, is it so wrong to want that back?” you were equally as angry. who was he to make you feel guilty about not being in love with him?

“yes it is! you are a mother now y/n, you are not allowed to be irresponsible anymore. you have to take care of two lives now-”

“are you not going to be helping me!?” you interrupted nico.

“when i can, yes i will, but i have a job that keeps me away a lot.”

you rolled your eyes at his words. “you are not allowed to dictate my love life just because you knocked me up.”

you didn’t know if you should be thankful or agitated that judith decided to start crying at that moment, but either way you started your slight bouncing movements back up to try and settle my daughter, as odd as it was to use that term in a real scenario, and tried to find those parental instincts everyone was always talking about.

“she’s probably hungry.”

“i didn’t ask you…but thank you i will try that.”

+++

the first night with judith was rough. as much as nico wanted to, he couldn’t leave you alone and retreat off to the hughes’, both because if his mother found out, and she would, he might as well get his obituary ready in advance and he just could not handle the torture the brothers would put him through.

it was like your daughter had a sixth sense for when you were just about to fall asleep, choosing those exact moments to cry out for something. you never knew what she wanted, always going through the same order of “milk, diaper change, pacifier, cuddles, burping, scenery change, and clothing change” until one of them worked.

nico slept on the couch, it was close enough to your room where if judith began to cry he would hear it and wake up. he was going to stay in your room with you and judith, but after the blowup of him confessing his feelings and you borderline rejecting him things it got a bit awkward. still now, almost twenty four hours later you and nico hadn’t had a proper conversation let alone spoken about what had happened.

you were on the phone with nina for a while, then your mother, then nina and your mother, both of them giving you their advice but following it up with “just listen to your heart.”, so it was all canceled out in your mind.

you turned to your newborn, who was staring at you from her little bed next to yours. “judith what am i supposed to do? your daddy, the one with the funny voice, is so amazing and sweet. he treats me like a princess, so why am i struggling so much to figure out what i want with him?”

judith stared at you with those large brown eyes, a small look of adoration on her face.

“i love you.” you whispered to her. “-and i love your father too.”

you sat up in bed, eyes widening at your revelation. you love nico.

“oh judith, thank you for listening to your mommy!”

you hopped out of bed, rushing into the living room. “nico! nico! nico! nic-”

“what!? what's wrong!? is judith alright!?” nico basically jumped off of the couch, worried that something had happened.

“she’s fine, everything is fine…well not everything it’s just.” you took a moment to look at nico, the lighting was horrible yet he still looked amazing. “i love you too nico.”

there was a silence that followed, it wasn’t awkward or filled with tension, just a calm silence.

you blinked and then suddenly nico’s lips were on yours.

the sound of judith’s cries separated your lips and caused you both to race to your bedroom.

spoiler alert: nothing was wrong with judith, she was just crying to cry.

nico’s arms were wrapped around you and were holding you into his chest as you both laughed.

“so what now? are we dating? getting married?” you asked, leaning your head against nico’s shoulder.

“as much as i would love to get married right now, we’ll start with dating…so will you be my girlfriend?” nico asked, mumbling against your head and giving light kisses every now and then.

“yes, i will be your girlfriend.”

“yes!”

you laughed at his response, judith held in both of your arms. “let’s go to bed, she’s finally asleep.”

+++

nicohischeir and y/nonfilm

nicohischier me, my girlfriend, and our beautiful babygirl. welcome to the world judith.

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jackhughes god father mode activated😎

y/nonfilm …who said you were the god father?

ninahischier best day ever!! i got a niece and a sister 🩷🩷

njdevils baby hischier alert‼️

comments on this post have been limited

+++

note: i 100% HATE this ending (the whole thing actually) it’s so rushed and just bleh, but i have literally been working on this for 71 days. SEVENTY ONE DAYS. college has been kicking my ass lately so i haven’t been very focused on writing anything. but i hope y’all still like this PLEASE DON’T LET IT FLOP i’ll cry. okay love y’all babes BYEEEE!!!

#nico hischier #nico hischier x reader #nhl imagine #new jersey devils #ahonice writes

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cherryredcheol · 12 days

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just...suck?

tldr: you need him to what? mentions: dad!jeonghan, breastfeeding, nipple sucking (but not sexy(?)), reader can breastfeed but no gendered terms used. a/n: i have never been pregnant/breastfed. sorry if this is inaccurate. i have no idea where this came from this is not smut but DNI if you're under 18

“okay lovie, she’s down for a nap. which means we have about an hour before she wakes up again. what do you want to do? need a shower? want to watch tv? hungry?” jeonghan spoke softly, coming down the stairs into the living room, not looking up at you as he fiddled with the baby monitor in his hands.

hana was just about 3 months old and although jeonghan had done everything he could to help, you were still your baby’s main source of nutrition and you were tired. and to top it all off you were pretty sure you had a clogged milk duct and it hurt.

jeonghan looked up from the monitor when you didn’t answer and rushed to your side when he saw the tears in your eyes. “lovie, what’s going on? are you okay? what can i do?” he settled gently next to you on the couch, wrapping an arm around your shoulders, pulling you into him.

“hannie,” your words were choked, voice thick with emotion, “i need you to do me a favor.”

jeonghan nodded, “anything, lovie. name it and i’ll make it happen.” he waited for you to collect your thoughts, rubbing your back softly.

you sat up a few moments later, wiping at your eyes to catch the couple tears that fell, and let out a big sigh, “it’s quite possibly the least sexy thing ever, so please don’t laugh. i really need you.”

“lovie, anything you need, i’m here for.” he was looking at you so softly, all the love in the world held in his eyes.

your face flushed before you even got the first word out, but you were brave and asked with your whole chest, “i have a clogged milk duct and it fucking hurts. can you please try to suck the clog out?”

if your chest didn’t feel like it was being stabbed every time you took a breath, you would’ve laughed at the look on jeonghan’s face.

“um, yeah. sure.” jeonghan shook his head, as if clearing his thoughts. he’s not sure what he was expecting your favor to be but this certainly wasn’t it. he gestured vaguely to your chest, “you want me to just…suck?” he could feel the heat crawling up his neck.

he’s not sure why he was so embarrassed. he’s done worse things to you than suck your nipple. hell, that was barely foreplay. but this was the first time since hana had been born that the two of you would have any kind of intimate touch beyond kisses. suddenly he felt like that young man he was when you two first met. back in his first apartment, his small room with beige walls that he paid way too much in rent for.

you were a vision on his bed. usually silver-tongued, jeonghan was rendered speechless at the sight of you topless. he couldn’t believe his luck. he likes you so much. you get all his jokes and make even better ones, you’re so smart, and not to mention pretty. he’s pretty sure you were straight out of his dreams and here you were on his bed, in his room. his roommates had actually listened and made themselves scarce this evening so he could be alone with you. you’d only been on a few dates but he knew he was in it for the long haul with you. he could just tell.

his eyes flashed back up to yours, shy smile on his face, “can i just…suck?”

you were positively pink, also shy suddenly, “if you don’t want to, it’s okay. i read online it’ll probably go away on its own.”

jeonghan took a deep breath and met your embarrassed eyes, “i’ll do anything for you, lovie.”

#seventeen imagines #seventeen #seventeen fluff #seventeen scenarios #svt #svt x reader #jeonghan fluff #jeonghan scenarios #jeonghan #jeonghan imagines #yoon jeonghan

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pinkyqil · 24 days

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Good news Bad news | a.Putellas x j.Hermoso

Hidden secrets series part 2

Mention of : Angst, comfort, mention of acl and pregnancy

Alexia had never felt like this before in all her life.it felt like everything she worked for all fell apart. broken acl and on top of that finding out your having a baby after many failed procedures of her and jenni trying over and over again.

all she could do was lay on the couch rethinking her whole life purpose.Tears slowly streaming down her face.

She had recently been feeling unwell and decided to take a trip to the hospital. Thinking it had something to do with her acl. But no she was so wrong instead. after she got to the hospital explaining her symptoms to the doctor's.

they told her that she was 8 weeks pregnant.

the look of shock on her face was not missed by the nurses around her. Her and jenni had been trying for a really long time Their last try would be around the beginning of the year, we're they received a negative blood test. but here she was finding out that she's around 2 months pregnant.

The world really does surprise you at unexpected moments.and this was one of them for alexia. The only thing that was going through her mind at the moment,was how she supposed to tell jenni or anyone else. Stil deep in her thoughts she heard the nurses ask if she would like an ultrasound. all alexia could do was nod agreeing to do it.

After finishing her business at the hospital she decided to call her mami cause she's about to be a mami herself so why not call her own too let her know.

Alexia brought out her phone dialing the first number she saw since it belongs to her mom.it only needed to be rung twice for eli to pickup her phone."alexia what happened did you get hurt are you okay" her mother questioned ?. She couldn't replied as tears started slipping down on her already wet face. Eli could tell something was wrong, alexia never cried that much.

often keeping to herself and when she did it would be mostly happy tears, but eli couldn't bring herself to know what was happening has alexia sob became louder.

"bebe I'll need you to tell me what going if not I cannot help you". eli said delicately trying to clam her daughter with a soft tune.

"Are you hurt" eli asked.

"Not like that mami" alexia said still choking on tears.

"So what exactly happening xia" eli asked her again.

" i don't really know what to do mami,I felt sick and went to the hospital- alexia said before getting cut off by her mother

"Alexia Putellas Segura you just told me that you weren't hurt and now your telling me how you felt sick what honestly going on you have me really worried". She heard her mother say on the phone

"Just let me finish explaining", she said. eil could hear the crack in her voice and hummed letting alexia to continue.

"After going in the hospital and explained my symptom's to one of the nurses attending to me said that i was expecting i don't know what to do how I'm I suppose to let her know mami".

Eli was the only one who knew how the couple had been trying for the longest of time especially knowing how hard it was on her daughter and lover.

"oh ale it all going to be alright but you'll have to tell her at some point she also deserve to hear about it from you".eli told her daughter

A while later that she finished talking to her mom.

now home staring at jenni phone number deciding on how to break the news to her. but the panic in her body said otherwise.

Alexia had decided to send jenni a photo of the ultrasound pictures and the positive pregnancy test that she took.

Message sent

Once she had sent the pictures she turned off her phone and decided to go too bed she couldn't deal with the emotions she was feeling at the moment.

mi amor 💕 : typing...

A/n: what's jenni's message to alexia gonna be ? How would she react too it and what does she plan on doing ??

p2 coming soon enjoy this small cliffhanger,ideas and questions about the series are always welcome and feel free to let me know what you think about it 🫶

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ddeonuswhre · 2 months

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ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤTo my 𝑓𝑎𝑣𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑒 fan.

ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤRicky × M!reader.

Summary: You and Quan have been dating since a few months after he debuted, and you decided to surprise him by going to one of his fansing.

Genre: fluff, curses (few), lovers, a lot of affection.

Author's note: This will be a unique chapter, + it was a request from days ago, It's a little short, but I hope you like it! ♥︎

words: +500.

"Please continue to love and support us!" Said one of the boys who was one more member away from Ricky and clearly everyone knew who you were. You were very nervous because you didn't know what his reaction would be, however your heart calmed down a little after seeing the next member, it was JiWoong, he immediately smiled at you and took your hands to caress them a little, you both had a very good talk, after all he was your closest friend outside of the Idol-Fan role.

On the other hand, Ricky would have heard your voice and made him nervous, it didn't take that long for him to start looking for you with his eyes and come across the scene that you were quite close to your friend, JiWoong, he became a little jealous now. It was impossible not to see the two of you beyond the fact that you were laughing almost out loud. You were practically very close to him, just a few meters away. A short time passed and you were already in front of your boyfriend, everything felt so strange, but you knew how to handle it and you took out a small gift from your small bag.

"T-take it, it's a little drawing I made for you, on the back there are some words that I always wanted to say to you" You said with a smile on your face, the boy would have purposely brushed his hands against yours and whispered to you in Chinese:—"I love you a lot, my love".— to which you responded in the same way, and now he was the one who took your hands firmly after having kept the letter in his pants pocket. Sadly, time was about to end, and he decided to sign the album you had on the table. Inside it, he left a small letter along with several hearts around it. After a couple of smiles before the staff let you know that you were finally done, you went back to your seat and enjoyed the last hour where they did nothing more than read some letters and dance to songs from other groups.

You had finally arrived home, somewhat tired from the posture you were doing for no more than 10 minutes between each member, however you were happy to have seen Ricky so happy. You were inside your little bubble until someone rang the doorbell of your apartment, you quickly got out of bed and went to the door, you noticed that it was the same boy who made you feel like you were in heaven. You didn't hesitate to open the door and also receive a big hug for him.

"I read the letter you gave me, you don't know how much I wanted to hug you and kiss you at that moment" Quan said after separating slightly from you, this to leave a small kiss on your lips. You smiled naively and began to leave several kisses on his face, which made him smile and let a soft laugh come out of his lips. "We're in a pretty private place, I think we can stop pretending that I'm just a fan who admires everything you do." You closed the door that was behind the tallest boy and broke away from the hug to take his hand. You turned around and started heading towards the sofa.

And so you two spent a fairly quiet night, you did nothing but kiss, compliment each other on how they looked at the meeting, hug each other and many other things. Finally, you both fell completely asleep, and you only got up for a short period to tell the boy that they should go to the room. "Baby, come on, it will be more comfortable in bed." Ricky nodded and took your hand to head to your room.

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maybankswhore · 8 months

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𝐁𝐀𝐃 𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐀 , 𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓?

“ yes i know that he’s my ex but can’t two people reconnect? i only see him as a friend. ”

SUMMARY: rafe cameron’s back in kildare and he’s got one thing on his mind: you.

PAIRING: rafe cameron x fem!reader.

WARNINGS: alcohol , cursing & heavy petting.

“ i only see him as a friend ” — the biggest lie i ever said. yes i know that he’s my ex but can’t two people reconnect? . . . i just tripped and fell into his bed. ”

“ haven’t heard from you in a couple of months but i’m out right now & i’m all fucked up & you’re calling my phone , you’re all alone & i’m sensin’ some undertone. & i’m right here with all my friends but you’re sending me your new address & i know we’re done & i know we’re through— ”

You and JJ had taken one too many tequila shots. Somehow you convinced herself it was fate , drowning in alcohol while thinking of him. It had been months since you and Rafe had broken up— months , and while you seemed to be over it just fine in front of everyone else , you knew you weren’t.

The last time you had seen him , you knew it was really over. It hadn’t felt like all the other fights especially not after what happened with the Sherriff and then his dad not too long after. With everything going on , the only good thing he really did back then was let you go while figuring his own shit out.

Everyone told you it was for the better. It was easier to forget with him away from Kildare and you had found yourself in a new group of friends that helped ease your transition from being Rafe’s girlfriend— to being a new and improved Y/N.

Was all of that progress really worth losing?

Hey. I’m back.

The text had illuminated your face in the night air. The wind whipping at you as you stood in place , looking at your phone. You knew it was Rafe because even though you had deleted his contact in a fit of rage and sadness not too long after the break–up , he was still the only person you knew who bothered to text with correct punctuation and capitalization. Blinking as you looked at it , you subconsciously glanced around to see if anyone had noticed knowing what they’d say if they did. Your thumbs hovered over the keyboard , debating responding.

You could always blame it on the alcohol , right?

oh.

Was all you said before your phone started ringing , and the number you had memorized by heart and never was able to forget popped up. Panicking while looking around , you rushed through the crowds of people to find a quiet spot away on the beach. You only hoped he’d give up and hang up before you found one. It was silly for you to be this excited , and even more so to be so quick in answering. But with those shots in mind , you pressed answer.

“Hey.”

Rafe’s voice made you shiver. It had been forever since you had heard it last. Swallowing the enormous lump in your throat , you opened your mouth to answer. “Who is this?” You asked , sounding unsure. You could hear him chuckling at your question— and you knew that he knew.

“Rafe.” He responded and you could practically hear the smirk in his voice. “Did you get my text?”

“Yeah.”

The music was still thumping but not close enough to where you couldn’t hear him shuffling around on the other end. “Where are you? What’s the noise?”

“Doesn’t matter.” You rolled your eyes. “Why did you call me Rafe? Like what do you want from me?”

“Just wanted to let you know I was back in town. . .” he trailed off. “I’ve missed you , you know.”

There it was. You almost groaned out loud as soon as he said it. Not because you didn’t like hearing it , but because you knew exactly where it’d lead to. Sighing as you rubbed a hand down your face , your lips pursed. “Somehow I doubt that.”

“Y/N—” Rafe started but you interrupted him.

“Seriously. What do you want?”

“To see you.” He said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. “Kelce and I just finished up in the apartment and you’re the first person I called.”

He was making it hard. The two of you were broken up and all for good reasons— but even though you couldn’t admit it out loud , you did miss him and you found yourself responding before processing what you said. “What apartment?”

“Where are you? I’ll come pick you up—”

“No!” You shouted , shutting your eyes in embarrassment as soon as you had. Rafe couldn’t pull up there. For one , it didn’t matter how ‘broken up’ the two of you were— you knew Rafe Cameron. Seeing you on the cut around JJ , John B especially , he wouldn’t like it. Your friends wouldn’t appreciate watching you getting in his truck either , and would definitely try talking you out of it. “I mean— send me your address and I’ll uber there.”

Rafe was silent and you thought he’d hang up. But you heard him mumble something to himself before feeling your phone vibrate. “I’m glad you’re coming , Y/N. I really did miss you. Send me a picture of whoever comes and gets you just in case.”

“Okay.”

You didn’t bother saying you missed him back regardless if you did or not. Saying things like that made it complicated. If anything you were only going to see him just to check up. Make sure he was okay. Sure Rafe had been shitty , did shitty things , but in the end Rafe had always loved you and the feeling was mutual. Things like that don’t just go away.

“ seein’ you tonight , it’s a bad idea , right? ”

You always you were getting yourself caught up in shit you shouldn’t be. How stupid could you be , really. Rafe was your ex for a reason. It took you so long to even get yourself to leave your room after it happened , to eat a proper meal. You were heartbroken.

“ seein’ you tonight , it’s a bad idea , right? ”

Of course it was a bad idea. It was! But what’s the worse that could happen? It was just one night. You shouldn’t , though. Not after everything. Not even if he didn’t mean all those things he said. Not even if he said how much he missed you and how genuine he sounded. This would blow up in your face.

But how bad was bad?

“ yes i know that he’s my ex! but can’t two people reconnect? i only see him as a friend. ”

As you walked back to the beach , you started the conversation in your head.

There were tons of people who were friends with their ex. Like , who else could know you better than a person like that? And so much time had passed that he was probably a different person now , just like you were. Your heart ached to see him again because it had been so long. You wanted to hear all about what he’s been up to , how he was dealing with everything. You still cared about him. You just didn’t love him.

You couldn’t , could you?

People reconnect with eachother all the time. Rafe was just a friend now. That was it.

Right?

the biggest lie i’ve ever said.

You told your friends you weren’t feeling good anymore. They were too drunk to really notice you looked fine. If anything you were sick to your stomach with nerves. JJ walked you to your Uber and hugged you goodbye , telling you to text him when you made it home.

You almost felt bad about lying.

The whole ride Rafe was texting you , he wasn’t ever a fan of you using Uber’s to get around. Always saying he was the safest option.

The apartments were nice. He was on the second floor and by the time you had gotten to his door , he was already standing in the doorway waiting for you. You tried playing it cool , but he had looked better than ever. Surely you had seen other people , other guys and maybe then they were hotter than he was. Or whatever you tried convincing yourself then.

But he looked different now. Older. There was something different about the atmosphere he brought. With his hair shaven away to nothing but a buzzcut— one that only someone like him could pull off so fucking well. So well actually , that it almost pissed you off. His upper lip held the tiniest bit of hair in a stache–esque way and if you hadn’t looked away , your knees would have given out.

“You look so pretty.” Was the first thing out of his mouth and you flushed , standing in front of him awkwardly. “You also look like you’ve been out.”

He tried not to think about who you were out with. Pushing down the familiarity of possession over you mixed with a bit of jealousy. It didn’t matter if the two of you were broken up— not to him , anyway. Rafe knew as soon as he could , he’d be going back to you. He hadn’t even bothered looking at another girl. But it would be selfish of him to expect the same.

“Are you gonna let me come in or what?” You shuffled on your feet as you ignored his words. Your eyes flashed behind him to peak in , wondering what the Rafe now lived like.

Clearing his throat , Rafe nodded. Moving back to let you come inside. Your eyes roamed the walls as you did. It was more simple than you imagined , the smell of new hit your nose so what he said earlier on the phone proved to be true. There were a few empty boxes laid around. Rafe was quiet as he let you wander around , leaning against the wall. His eyes roamed over you— taking you in. Everything in his body was burning , begging to close the gap between the two of you. He wasn’t lying when he said he had missed you. All of you.

You paused when you saw a picture of the two of you propped up in a picture frame one of the counters. The memory in the photo seeming ages ago. The two of you were only sixteen in the photo , his arm wrapped around you as showed off the horribly decorated Halloween cookies. Your fingers ghosted over it , finding your heart crying at it.

“It’s one of my favorite pictures of us.” Rafe said when he noticed what had stopped you. “Even if my hair was fucking terrible.”

You giggled at that. It was. Not at the time , though. At the time there had been no other boy who looked as handsome with handfuls of gel in their hair. The innocence in his face in the picture almost made you sad. “Mine’s our first Christmas—” you turned around to look at him , hands at your sides. “When I forced you to where the Santa costume for Wheezie and her friends.” Rose had taken that picture for you then. You were sitting in his lap , pretending you were talking to Santa about what you wanted for Christmas. Which he had listened to your silly , girly wishes and surprised you with a Barbie Dream House. Wheezie had been so jealous.

“Do you still have it?” Rafe questioned. His heart beating in his chest so loud that he wondered if you could hear it , too.

“Yeah.”

You can see the glimmer on his face as you answer him. Your eyes narrow as you cross your arms , shifting on your feet. With your heart thumping rapidly in your chest mixed in with the way he looks— you can feel it start bubbling in your stomach. “What’d you call me for , Rafe?”

“What’d you answer for , Y/N.” He quirked back , matching your stance.

“I didn’t know it was you.” You huffed out a lie.

By the way you avoided his eyes , he could tell you were lying. He also knew you well and knew that you never deleted contacts. “Yeah , sure.”

Knawing on the inside of your cheek , you stayed in place as Rafe slowly walked over to you. His eyes never leaving you as he treaded lightly , cautiously. Every part of you was screaming how bad of an idea this was but nothing in you was strong enough to move. The minute his hand had reached out to touch your cheek , your head lulled to the side to fall into it. A sigh left your mouth quietly. It had still felt the same. Nothing had changed.

“I meant it when I said I missed you.”

“ i only see him as a friend — i just tripped and fell into his bed. ”

You didn’t know how it happened. One minute he was sweet talking you and the next you were stumbling over your feet into his room. You wished you had taken a few more shots— the alcohol completely voided of your body.

His hand held yours as he tugged you in his room , connecting his lips onto yours quickly. You gasped as he kissed you , the fire that had been slowly burning inside of you for months finally catching— igniting almost instantly. Instinctively you reacted , wrapping an arm around his neck to pull him closer.

You huffed as you pulled away , allowing him to lightly push you down on the bed and crawl on top of you. Your legs parted and as he crawled on top of you , the chain he was wearing dangling in his face— it occured to you that all this time you had been lying to yourself. Rafe wasn’t a friend— he never could be , and as his eyes shimmered looking down at you , a part of you could feel that he felt the same.

He was panting. The need to have you as close as possible settling in. Your hands reached up to cup his face , fingers ghosting over his skin. “What would you say if I asked you if you still loved me?” Your words were barely above a whisper as you heart beat loudly in your chest. So loud it thumped in your ears.

Rafe’s eyes softened on you and your hands on his face had felt like a distant memory. Nostalgic and sweet. Leaning down , he nudged his nose against yours , mind hazy. “I’d say that I did. That I’ve loved you as a boy— and now as a man.”

The words he had spoke seemed to resonate deep in your chest. It was true that the last time you had saw him , he was still the boy you had grew up with. But things were different now and the time apart had changed more than just you. He wore it in his actions , in the smile lines that had reminded you of all the laughs you had shared together in the hopeful years. His build was stronger , the way he carried himself was , too. But all in all— he was still Rafe.

“And you?” Rafe couldn’t help but ask. How much he wanted to lean down and kiss you. To worship you the way he should’ve— to fuck you like he loved you.

He just needed to hear you say it.

Your bottom lip trapped itself between your teeth. The thoughts of your friends scolding you , the disappointment from your mom and the idea that this would bring nothing but bad news to you plagued your mind. Though deep down you knew that Rafe Cameron was the love of your life. The kind’ve love that could only ever come once. You met him as a girl. Spending your girlhood lusting after him. He was the first boy you ever kissed , the first boy that broke your heart. Your breathing quickened and nothing else mattered. Not now. Not anymore.

“I’ve always loved you.” You answered , brushing his forehead like you had done so many times before except his shaggy , blonde hair was ghostly now.

“I’ll love you forever and even after that.”

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five-bi-five-mind · 8 months

Note

obviously no rush or anything but i have a future jj x fem!reader fic in mind for you…..

basically reader having lunch with emily at jj’s and r’s apartment, and they both start talking about their sex lives.

r says how much fun jj was when they first met and moved in together, which leads emily to ask “what about now?”

r gets all flustered and explains that jj kind of got vanilla and a little boring. also saying she had to fake a couple orgasms….

jj comes home and overhears, so she takes r to the bedroom and RAILS her over and over again

just an idea:)

Stuck In a Rut

Fandom: Criminal Minds

Pairing: Jennifer Jareau x fem!Reader

Word count: 6.4k+

Genre: Smut

Summary: Since moving in with JJ, things have kind of slowed down. It’s not that you’re not still in love, you’re head over heels for her. It’s that one certain aspect has gotten a bit… dull. What you really want is for JJ to stop being so soft with you at least for once, but how do you tell her that?

Warnings: degradation kink; name calling; over stimulation; strap-on (r receiving); biting; top!JJ, bottom!r; praise kink; dumbification; let me know if I forgot things

A/N: so this is a little different than the request. I didn’t get all the details because I just kind of ran with it but uhhhh hope you enjoy 🫣 and yaaaay 1k celebration!

To say things had gotten a little stale… seemed harsh, but it was the truth. You and JJ had moved in together about six months ago after a year of dating and then there was just a change, a lull. It wasn’t that you two weren’t in love, you both very much were. It wasn’t that you weren’t happy to be her girlfriend or she wasn’t happy to be yours, she showed you off any chance she got and you did the same. It wasn’t that you two weren’t compatible to live together either. Things felt comfortable and safe, more so than they ever had before. Everything seemed perfect, but there was just one thing that got, well, a little boring. And that was your sex life.

You honestly couldn’t understand what happened. When you two didn’t live together things were still pretty exciting and any time you were with JJ in that way, it took your breath away. The shift happened about two months into living together. The first month, you two still had that excitement. JJ had insisted on fucking you on pretty much any and every surface possible. She said it would make the place “feel like home” and you happily went along with it. But then the second month came and things slowed down and kept slowing and slowing and slowing… until suddenly all that heat and excitement of JJ having you in a way that you wouldn’t want anyone else to just got a little lackluster.

The worst part was, it wasn’t like your sex life actually stopped per se, it was just that it got, quite frankly, dull. JJ suddenly shifted from being an exciting lover who would leave you breathless after every encounter, to a soft and slow one. Not to say you didn’t enjoy that sometimes. Just not all the time.

What you wondered was what even caused this shift in her? Was it all the domesticity that you two found yourself surrounded in now that you lived together? Part of you thought that was it. JJ had definitely gotten softer herself as your relationship with her progressed and you loved that about her. She was so guarded at first, but she really dropped those walls down the more you two fell in love. You just wished that maybe that softness didn’t have to be present all the time.

Just thinking about that made you feel terrible too. JJ was truly the perfect partner in all other aspects and you genuinely were so happy. But you were also just a little bit on edge. You never thought you were someone who would get a little snappy just from having a dull sex life, but here you were. You could tell the shift in yourself, even if you tried so hard to hide it. It was just that after a handful of nights with JJ ended more than a little disappointing on your part, there was only so much frustration you could deny in yourself. What’s worse and made you feel quite a bit guilty was that you had to fake things. There was no way in hell you were going to tell JJ that she wasn’t doing it for you. You could see the conversation now and the hurt look she’d get. It was the worry that telling her she wasn’t getting you there would be interpreted as she wasn’t enough for you that kept you silent about your whole little predicament. Lucky for you, JJ didn’t seem to see through any of it and continued on to be the obliviously happy girlfriend you knew her to.

Unfortunately for you, while your girlfriend didn’t notice, her best friend somehow did.

Emily was no stranger to you, even if she was originally JJ’s friend. One of the best parts about dating JJ was that, not only did the two of you click with each other, but you also clicked with each other’s friends. So, as you got to know JJ and fall in love with her, you simultaneously fell in love with JJ’s friend group as well and quickly got comfortable with the people she surrounded herself with. One such friend that you felt particularly safe and comfortable with was Emily. So when she showed up at the apartment you and JJ shared when JJ was out running errands for the day, it was no problem for you to invite Emily in anyways and spend some quality time with her.

In fact, Emily expected you to be there. She came bearing lunch for the three of you, wanting to just chat if you and JJ were free. You told her JJ was out, but she still gladly stayed and chatted with you. And you were honestly grateful for the company, despite how wound up you were from your current predicament with your girlfriend.

The two of you spent all of your time that afternoon just chatting about your lives. While you might be more on edge than you usually are, you weren’t about to turn done some quality time with good company. There was a large chunk of your days spent alone since JJ’s job was so demanding. While you appreciated that JJ was out doing errands alone, because you didn’t feel like you had the patience for Saturday afternoon crowds, you still were always excited for any kind of company you could get. So, to have Emily over and bringing her positivity into your space was a refreshing surprise.

When lunch was finished and the rest was packed up for when JJ returned you mentioned that you had a bit of random chores around the house to do that you had intended to get done before JJ got home. To your surprise, Emily eagerly offered to help and that’s how you found yourself standing next to her and folding laundry in your bedroom.

The conversation kept up just as it did when you two were enjoying lunch, but somehow the topic jumped dramatically and you weren’t entirely sure when the shift even happened. You didn’t think of yourself as a particularly open person when it came to the topic of your romantic life, especially when the person you were discussing it with was your partner’s best friend, but here you were.

Emily’s question about it really caught you off guard. It was innocent enough; a simple “so how are things with you two?” that you answered with what you thought was an enthusiastic response. Except, Emily followed your answer with a very telling “but…” and, suddenly you looked at her like you were caught red handed.

“It’s okay,” Emily smiled at you as she delicately folded a random towel. “Whatever you say stays between the two of us. I can just tell that you’ve been a little on edge lately.”

How could she tell? You thought you were hiding it so well! If she noticed, does that mean JJ noticed? But then, JJ was the type to actually say something if she could see that something felt wrong and she hadn’t said anything to you at all yet. So, hopefully Emily was the only one to see through your “everything is perfect” kind of act.

“It’s not that we’re not good,” you began, refusing to make eye contact with Emily. “It’s just that… Well… I’m not unhappy.”

“Of course not,” Emily reassured.

“And JJ is a loving partner who treats me well.”

“As JJ should,” Emily nods along.

“But… there’s just something about living together that’s changed us.”

Emily stilled her hands and turned to look at you thoughtfully. Her smile was still there, soft and reassuring, but she had this little glint in her eye that told you she could see almost exactly what you were getting at. It was as if she just already knew.

“Sometimes, when people move in together they can get a little comfortable,” Emily explained. “That comfortable feeling can go a little too far with some couples. Some might say that their partners tend to forget the romantic aspect to their new life together.”

“It- It’s not that,” you shook your head hard. It wasn’t that JJ wasn’t romantic with you anymore. She would often come home with flowers or still surprise you with beautiful dates in very thoughtfully picked locations. During those times you’d still feel the romance and the love. If you were being honest, in all aspects of your relationship with JJ minus your little bedroom problem, you both were very much still in a little love bubble. A lot of couples lose their honeymoon phase around this time in your relationship, but you could proudly say that that rushing, gushy feeling you got when you were near JJ was still very much alive and well. But again, it was alive and well in every aspect, but one. And that one aspect was really starting to drag you down. “We’re comfortable, but it makes me happy. She’s still just as romantic as when we first met.”

“Mhm, so if it’s not that… And you’ve been on edge….” Emily nodded to herself. You eyed her nervously, wondering if the look she was currently wearing was one you might see if you saw her on the job. “Oh, it’s the sex!”

Your eyes practically fell out of your head as she blurted out her epiphany.

“Emily!”

“It is, isn’t it?” Emily leaned towards you with a satisfied smirk. “Oh, it’s okay, we can talk about these things.” She waved her hand dismissively as she spoke. “Sometimes, it happens. Things get a little old. Have you tried telling JJ what you want?”

“Well…”

“That’s a no,” Emily answered for you. “You know JJ is crazy about you, right? If you told her you wanted to try something new, she would listen.”

“I- I mean, maybe.” You rubbed sheepishly at your arm, the laundry forgotten as soon as Emily started to toe into this territory with you. “Jennifer, she can be… What’s the right word… prideful? That’s not quite it, but still, she’d take it very personally.”

“Well, she has to know you’re not enjoying yourself.”

You didn’t say anything at that, giving her just a tight lipped smile. Emily eyed you for a moment, scrutinizing why you seemed to look so guilty all of a sudden until realization filled her features.

“You’re faking it!” Emily pointed at you, flinging a hand towel across the room in the process.

“Emily!” You gasped, your face turning different shades of red.

“What?” Emily shrugged. “We’re friends! Friends talk about these things!”

“Yes, but JJ is your friend first!”

“Okay…?” Emily’s eyebrow was arched as she stared at you, as if you weren’t making any sort of sense. She couldn’t deny that she was JJ’s friend first. There’s some loyalty there; some stuff you didn’t discuss with your partner’s best friend when it was about your partner herself. “I’m your friend too. Whatever is shared between us, stays between us.”

Emily’s eyes were earnest, but still you were way too hesitant to just spill your guts completely. Except, she kept staring at you expectantly, waiting for you to confirm her accusation.

“So,” Emily started up again when you took too long to respond. “If you’re faking it, then JJ has no idea you’re in this little rut, does she?”

You bit your lip and shook your head sheepishly in response. “It’s– Well, it’s only been a few times,” you offered as if that made it sound any better. “That I, you know, faked it, I mean.”

“I see…” Emily trailed off, thinking to herself. “So, if you’re going to go about this, you need to do it gently.”

“And what is it exactly that I’m doing?”

“Telling JJ what you want.” She said that as if it was the easiest thing in the world. Obviously, if you’ve been stuck in this dilemma long enough for Emily to notice, it wasn’t all that simple.

“Emily,” you warned. “It’s not that easy.”

“Why?” Emily’s question was genuine, not accusatory, and it had you thinking about why exactly it was so hard for you. You did have a very real fear that you’d embarrass and hurt JJ’s pride if you brought up this little problem, but was that all that it was?

“I’m not sure,” you sighed. “It just is.”

“Because you’re nervous?” Emily’s question finally connected the dots. It wasn’t just that you were worried about hurting JJ by revealing that you’d been bored with your sex life, it was that you were also too shy to ask for more. “You shouldn’t be. This problem won’t be fixed until you tell her what you want, you know.”

“It’s- Emily, it’s kind of hard for me to just come out and say all of that to her!” Look at the horrible job you were doing right now just talking about it vaguely with Emily. Your face was so flushed you could imagine that you looked a bit like a tomato at this point. Emily didn’t seem phased by any of this, but your palms were sweating and your stomach was churning and you felt so shy and embarrassed. This wasn’t something you were used to talking about with anyone, let alone a friend of your partner’s. “What would I even say to her?”

“What you’re telling me,” Emily suggested. “Whatever it is that you want, I’m sure when you get it out in the open, JJ will at least consider it. She wants to make you happy and if you’re not happy, eventually she’ll figure it out and she won’t be happy either.”

“You’re right,” you nodded in agreement. “I know you’re right. It’s just hard to find the right words.”

“Well, without much detail, what do you want?”

“Just more…” you were struggling to find the right words. “Fire? Passion? I’m not really sure. It just feels like some of the passion is gone. She’s so gentle that it’s boring. I know it’s her way of showing me that she loves and cherishes me, but I want more. I want something new, something with that… that rushing feeling we used to get.”

Emily nodded in understanding of everything you were saying. She gave you some more encouraging words on trying to bring it up with JJ, but soon the conversation went back to normal things and wondering what was taking JJ so long. Neither of you heard the front door open fifteen minutes earlier and the soft footsteps that lead to where you and Emily shared your heart-to-heart.

It wasn’t until you heard some clanging in the kitchen that you realized JJ was home. Luckily for you, by the time you were aware that she was home your conversation with Emily had turned back to normal things. A small part of you was worried JJ was home much earlier than you realized and could possibly have heard everything, but you shook that fear off, knowing JJ would announce her presence as soon as she arrived like she usually did.

But, for whatever reason, this time JJ didn’t. This time, unbeknownst to you, she heard it all and neither you nor Emily realized it.

—--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Emily spent a few more hours with the two of you now that JJ was home too. Everything was pleasant and JJ seemed to be happy to see her friend on her day off, but there was something you couldn’t quite place. JJ was just slightly more quiet than usual.

With you and JJ, the two of you were so in sync that you knew immediately whenever she was upset or in a bad mood. Tonight, that wasn’t what it was. It was as if she was captivated by her own thoughts. Not upset, not sad or angry, just pondering. But whatever thought she was so engrossed in, you didn’t know.

Emily left before dinner and that quiet pondering continued throughout the evening. It was odd behavior for JJ, but honestly the silence between the two of you as you ate wasn’t all that negative. You were also busy mulling things over in your mind. The idea of approaching JJ with a few requests to try some new things was worrying you, but you knew it needed to be said.

When dinner was over and you were cleaning up, you were even more lost in your own little world. The conversation you had with Emily from that afternoon was still going through your head. How were you going to talk to JJ about this without hurting her pride? Was that even possible at this point? If you were going to be totally honest about what you wanted then you’d have to tell her how long you’ve been faking things with her and that would surely not sit well with her.

Part of you was also nervous to bring anything up and have it all blow up in the end. Would JJ even be willing to change things up with you or would it stay the same? If it stays the same, then what then? If the spark in the bedroom is going out, what does that mean for the spark in your relationship overall? There were just too many questions running through your mind.

The constant thought process of how to break the news to JJ and start the conversation was consuming all of your attention. Your hands and feet were on autopilot as you continued to clean up the kitchen. So, when JJ slowly snuck up to you with your back turned away from the kitchen entrance, you were totally unaware of her presence. That is until she was suddenly directly behind you, pushing the front of your body right up against the counter.

“JJ, what the hell?!” Her sudden move had forced you to drop everything in your hands. Lucky for you, it was just some plastic tupperware and nothing sharp or breakable.

“Shhh,” JJ whispered in your ear. “Spread your legs.” JJ’s hands were on your waist as soon as she had you pinned. You were honestly so confused by this sudden turn of events that you didn’t register what JJ was asking of you.

That must have been very apparent to JJ, because after a moment of you standing utterly still, she did it for you. Her legs went in between yours, kicking both your legs open until you were bracing even tighter onto the counter to keep yourself standing. JJ’s body pressed even harder into yours from behind and you suddenly realized you felt something very curious pressing into you from behind.

“JJ, what are you-” You stopped when your mind finally connected what you were feeling as JJ started to grind her hips into your ass. You knew exactly what was going on now.

JJ had you figured out. You weren’t sure how or when, but you knew that she knew.

“Stop asking questions,” JJ bent forward to whisper in your ear. “And do what you’re told.”

“I-I don’t know what’s gotten into you,” you stammered as JJ kept pressing herself into the back of your body. “JJ, this is–”

“New?” She cut you off. “You wanted something new, didn’t you? That’s what I’m about to give you.”

Your body stiffened as JJ spoke. So, she did know. That little fear in the back of your head that told you JJ was home a lot earlier than you realized was right. The question was, how much did she hear? Did she know about you faking a few times or just that you wanted to change things up in the bedroom. God, you hoped she didn’t hear the part about you faking it…

“You didn’t answer me,” JJ’s voice came from behind you. “Am I wrong? You want a change, right?”

“I– Well, no you’re not wrong, but–” JJ’s lips pressing right at the pulse point of your neck before sinking her teeth down into the flesh there is what cut you off, even if you were already struggling to form a sentence. Your hands went to grip the counter at the burst of pleasurable pain that she just caused while you were mid-sentence.

“I’m going to give you something new, princess,” she practically purred against your skin. “I’m going to give you exactly what you want. You’re going to cum for me over and over again like a good girl, until I feel like you’ve had enough. And you definitely won’t need to fake them.” The low tone JJ’s voice took with her last words had you both shocked that she did in fact here and shiver at how almost threatening she sounded.

While you were preoccupied with this shift in her, JJ was already busy getting to work with her plan. You felt her hands reach around to your pants, giving them a hard yank before letting them fall in a puddle on the floor. You were already breathing harder than you probably should, your head twisting and turning to try and look back behind you at what JJ was up to.

This new change in her had startled you and a large part of you was incredibly ashamed that she had heard you spill your guts to Emily. It should’ve been you directly telling her that you wanted something new, but unfortunately she heard everything she wasn’t meant to. Even so, there was another part of you that was absolutely way too excited for what was to come.

As for JJ, when she heard the little conversation between you and Emily, she did feel a little guilty that she was listening to something she wasn’t meant to. However, she wasn’t upset with any of what she heard, she was glad she did listen in even. Because, it wasn’t just you that felt like there needed to be a change. While JJ was definitely unaware of the past instances when you faked your orgasms, and that did sting a bit, she spent the rest of the evening plotting out a way to fix this. See, she had wanted to change things up for a while; let loose a little. She also was worried about ever being too rough with you, but sometimes she got into these moods where all she wanted to do was ruin you. When those moods came, she suppressed it and overcorrected. She knew now that she overcorrected way too much, but tonight it was time to lean into that mood.

So, as JJ continued to put her plan into motion, she was getting a little ahead of herself with how much anticipation she had. When she heard the conversation, it was like a door had opened to so many new possibilities of what she could try with you. Once she settled on what to do first, she waited until you least expected for her to pounce.

Now here you were with JJ’s body keeping you trapped between her own and the kitchen counter, half naked from the waist down. “Stay there,” JJ ordered before taking a small step back. Surprisingly, you did as you were told without having to question it anymore. JJ admired you for a second; loving the way you looked bent over the counter, bare ass sticking out for her. She gave it a smack and you jumped, but didn’t complain.

From behind you, you could hear JJ slowly pull the zipper to her jeans down. You knew exactly what was coming next and you bit your lip in anticipation. It was almost embarrassing how wet you were, just from a little bit of roughness from JJ. But then again, she was never rough with you like this. It was this exact behavior that you wanted so badly to see from her.

JJ stepped back up to you, her hands reaching between the two of you to cup your ass. You let out the smallest gasp when she squeezed, already more excited than you’d been in weeks. From behind you, you could hear JJ let out a small, smug chuckle in response before sliding two of her fingers through your folds. This time, the gasp wasn’t as quiet.

She ran her fingers through you a couple times, gathering your wetness onto them and causing you to shift and squirm even more. You wanted more of her touch, but as quickly as she started, she pulled her fingers away.

With her fingers coated in you, she reached down to her little surprise she had waiting for you. Little was a bit of an understatement, she thought as she ran your wetness over the dildo she had attached between her legs. It was going to be an interesting sight to see you take it. You two had used toys before, but not like this. Not something that, JJ knew for a fact, was bigger than anything you’ve taken. She was excited to see how good you could be for her. In the past she treated you so carefully, but tonight she was determined to fuck you to the brink of breaking.

“Do me a favor,” JJ leaned her body against yours from behind. You felt what you already knew was a quite large strap on, poking between your thighs. “Be a good girl tonight and take what I give you.”

You nodded your head fervently, biting your lip harder when one of JJ’s hands moved around your body to slip under your shirt and paw at your chest. JJ took a moment, kissing on the back of your neck and running one hand over the top of your body, while the other squeezed at your thighs. She loved the way you were already wriggling in anticipation for what she had in store and just wanted to savor this moment before she really dug in.

Your chest was heaving already and your head was bent down as you made cute little sounds JJ loved to hear. Your hands were splayed on the counter, trying to keep yourself upright while JJ practically groped your entire body. The way you were already struggling to keep it together had JJ just that much more excited to see you utterly fall apart. So she got started.

One hand left your body while the other moved down to steady your hips. The hand that wasn’t on you, moved between her own legs. She wrapped her hand around the toy, running over it once more to make sure it still felt lubricated enough from your own wetness. Once she deemed it ready, she lined up.

You held your breath, trying your best to brace yourself on the counter as you felt JJ’s faux cock start to line up with your entrance. This thing was big, you didn’t need to see it to know it wasn’t something you were used to. There was still an exciting anticipation coursing through your veins, but you also anxiously hoped that JJ would go a little easy on you. Just for a few minutes, at least.

JJ’s hips started to push forward and you immediately felt the tip of the toy begin to stretch your walls. Your eyes squeezed tight as she slowly pushed her cock all the way inside of you until she had bottomed out.

Your head dipped even lower, your mouth hanging open again as you tried to adjust to this new feeling. It was painful, you couldn’t deny that. Your pussy was stretched more than you’ve ever felt. But still, you needed JJ to move her hips, to do something. You tried your best to push your hips back into JJ to meet hers more closely, if that was even possible. She immediately got the hint.

Pulling out slowly and almost completely, JJ paused. “You’re not going to fake these,” JJ’s voice was practically a growl. “Got it?” And with that she slammed the toy back into you with such strength that the guttural moan you let out shocked the both of you.

JJ’s hands were back on your hips now as she pulled out and mirrored that exact same action. You were trying as best as you could to keep some sort of restraint as she fucked you from behind, but it was a losing game when the pleasurable burn of her stretching you out had your head swimming. Meanwhile, JJ was setting a steady pace. Not too fast, but with each pump of her cock inside you, she put a little more strength into it.

“God, you’re so fucking tight,” JJ groaned as she kept moving. You felt her nails dig into your bare hips as she went. It was like she was trying to restrain herself, to keep her own pace consistent, when you thought that, potentially, she wanted to go faster, maybe even be a little rougher.

And that was exactly it, but JJ needed you to ease into this at least a little bit first. She was testing the waters with you, seeing how much she could push it. While she wasn’t necessarily being gentle, she was still trying to have some sense of control. Only, that was slipping so fast with the sounds you were making and the way she could just hear how wet you were.

It was sounds like these that she hadn’t heard in a while and didn’t realize she missed so much. So when her pace increased and you couldn’t help but to whine and cry out her name as she fucked you, her control slipped even further.

She could tell you were close too. The way she had your pussy stretched out mixed with how rough she was being had you approaching that edge finally. This time, it would all be completely real and as your legs began to tremble, JJ increased her pace and encouraged you to cum.

When you finally did, she slowed for a second. The both of you needed to catch your breath; you from the powerful orgasm and her so that she could prepare for what was to come. The pathetic little moan you let out when you did cum had broken something loose in JJ’s brain, something that she had really tried to hold back with you, but now she wasn’t going to. So she’d let you catch your breath, take a moment to appreciate the way you looked right now, and then continue.

JJ’s hands rubbed at your back for a second. “That’s my girl,” she cooed, leaning back to get a better look at you. She was still inside you, but you were slumped a little further onto the counter, cum dripping down your thighs as you came down from your high. “We’re not done though.”

And with that she set a new pace that had you scrambling for purchase on the counter again. The way she was fucking you, it was like she was trying to fuck up into you until you were completely sprawled out on the counter. Your body had gotten used to the stretch, but your pussy definitely wasn’t used to this kind of brutal treatment. Your legs were shaking harder than they were when she made you cum the first time and you were seriously questioning your balance at this point.

It didn’t seem to bother JJ though, if she was aware of it that is. All she was focused on was the satisfying slap of her skin against your ass as she fucked you so hard you swore you saw stars.

“J- fuck— JJ I don’t think…” you couldn’t get the words out no matter how hard you were trying. The relentless way JJ kept pounding her cock into you was making it impossible for you to do just about anything other than moan. “I don’t think I can keep standing.”

You felt JJ’s hands flex, as her grip on you grew tighter. She didn’t stop, despite your warning, she didn’t even slow down. Her hips kept pumping into you from behind, each time pushing you painfully harder into the counter. Your head was hunched down, your hands were struggling to grip at anything on the counter. Pretty soon you’d be slipping until you were face down on the countertop if JJ kept this up.

“I don’t fucking care,” JJ growled. With those words, it was like she knew exactly what your worry was and she made it happen. Without warning, one hand that was on your waist moved to the top of your head, pushing your head down til your cheek was pressed against the cold countertop. This new position forced you to jut your ass out even more, giving JJ an even better angle to fuck her cock into you deeper.

Her hand remained on the top of your head, fingers tangling in your hair. Tears pricked in your eyes at the brutal way she was fucking your pussy. Your body was practically quaking underneath her and you could feel another orgasm coming in strong.

As rough as she was being, you were enjoying every minute of it. JJ was practically manhandling you, using you as nothing more than her toy to fuck, but you didn’t even mind. It’s what you wanted all along and you didn’t even know it.

JJ pulled your hair to jerk your head up. As she did, her hips still flush with your ass as she pushed her cock into you, she lent forward on top of you. “You love this, don’t you?” JJ taunted as your walls tightened around her cock. “Letting me fuck you right here on the counter like a little whore. You fucking love it.”

You had never heard her talk this way and your eyes squeezed shut as your next orgasm started to rip throughout your body.

“Say it.” JJ tugged on your hair. “Say you love it.”

“I- I-“ you couldn’t form words when you were falling over the edge on JJ’s cock again. “I love… god- I fucking love it. Fuck, JJ just keep— keep fucking me.”

JJ let out a triumphant chuckle before releasing your hair and wrapping her hand back around your waist. With her hold on you, she moved your own body onto her cock while she kept pumping it into you. The continued abuse of your pussy, mixed with the sheer strength of JJ’s movements had you coming a third time before you even knew it. You hadn’t even come down from your second orgasm before she had you moaning and screaming her name into a third one.

What definitely shocked you was the way JJ kept going even after that. It was like there was no end to the strength and stamina she possessed. She didn’t slow, not even after she had pushed you to a third orgasm without a pause. No, she was determined for a fourth.

Your whole body felt like it was on fire, you were suddenly too aware of your nerve-endings and as she kept fucking you, the harsh way she was treating your pussy as she pumped her cock into you with abandon was starting to hurt. Yet, it all still felt incredible. The pain of your body being pushed to the brink mixed with the pleasure she was giving you was better than the last three orgasms she coaxed out of you combined.

“God, why didn’t I do this sooner?” JJ grunted as she kept up her pace. “I was hoping you’d be able to take it if I let go a little, but this… You’re just taking me so fucking good.”

You couldn’t even speak at this point, all you could do was let out a gurgled hum of some sort of agreement as JJ’s grip tightened that much more on you so she could keep up with what she was doing. At this point, you were fairly certain that there were marks where her nails were digging into you, but that little bit of pain added to it that much more. Tears were definitely staining your cheeks from the sheer intensity of it all too. You were sure, if you looked at yourself in the mirror, you’d be shocked by what you saw.

The fact that you could cum again so quickly and for the fourth time in such a short period was shocking you, but when you came again for her, you came with a silent cry as your body shuddered around her cock.

This time, you couldn’t keep yourself upright, fully slumping onto the counter. JJ finally slowed down, her hands coming up to keep you upright and prevent you from landing on your ass.

After a moment of being still, but remaining inside you, she finally pulled out and your body shook for a second at the loss. You still hadn’t caught your breath, but JJ was patient, running her hand over your back and cooing at you as you gulped down much needed air.

When your chest stopped heaving and your body trembled a little bit less, JJ turned you in her arms. Still, she had a tight hold on you to prevent you from slumping all the way down and onto the kitchen floor and you were appreciative of the support.

“Hi,” JJ murmured as her arms squeezed you into her chest.

“H-hi,” you panted, burying your head into the crook of her neck.

“Was that too much?” JJ’s voice was soft and hesitant. You still weren’t quite recovered enough to form coherent sentences so you just shook your head as best you could while still pressed into JJ.

“Good,” she mumbled before pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “Was that… more like what you wanted?”

You willed yourself to look up at her this time, knowing this required a proper response. “Yes, but JJ I’m sorry. I should’ve told you first.”

“It’s okay, my love,” JJ smiled down at you. “I understand. I’m sorry things got a little… monotonous. I’ve wanted to try something a little new with you for a while, I just didn’t want to hurt you.”

“It’s not your fault.” You leaned up to kiss JJ’s lips softly this time. “But I’m not as fragile as you think. You won’t break me, so… can we do this again?”

“Oh, definitely,” JJ gave you a cheeky grin. “In about ten minutes actually.”

“What?!” Your eyes went comically wide as JJ started to practically push you towards the bedroom.

“There’s more I want to try.”

You gulped, but willingly let her lead you to the bedroom. That night you both learned the limits your body could go to and over the next few weeks you were introduced to more experiences you hadn’t even realized you were into until JJ presented them to you. It was like a whole new side to your relationship had opened up and it definitely fixed the rut.

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