#only child woes

[colorguardsweetheartblurrsgirl]

Sorry Been away. Here's a random doodle I did a few weeks ago. I promise to get more art out.

Computer's been like all my electronics having alot of issues based on age. But I finally got my art program up and everything's set to go. Should have a few posts in the next week or two. Just have to help my folks out with a house project they have.

So where have I been at lately???

Also guess I'm doing more work for them, there's a few projects they need my help with. Again for those again don't know I am an only child (now adult I pale thinking Im about to turn 31) who helps take care of my disabled mom alot of the time. Shes been disabled my whole life and often I've had to move my life to fit around that (included having to often limit my activities so I could help around the house), even had to come back from University. But it's all out of love and respect for them. I may complain sometimes but it's just the stress and worry as I know my parents are technically elderly even If I refused to see them as such and I am taking care of their house on my own which can be overwhelming at times.

My mom officially has a cane now. But luckily her knee pains gone (apparently Frankenscense is really good for pain [not endorsing just didnt know it was used for that, thought fun fact!]). So that's a plus.She found something to work for her pain so there have been a few good days. Just her emotional state can snap sometimes due to health and it's harder for me to be on days like that as I need to care for her or myself and my emotional state die to it, having never had anxiety before it's a whole new ball park learning curve on how to handle what I was used ti (trying to navigate her bouts when shes like this is dificult).

So I never know one day to the next if her health is good or bad. Sometimes it's so debilitating for her, you'd expect a terribly hard few days for her, only to wake the next day and shes on the floor clinging, moving around bending limber as ever and cheerful. So it's a uphill down hill rollercoaster I never know what it's going to be. But it's worth it, and she fully understands I have projects and havent been able to regularly post lately due to her health issues and moments. But yeah if anything I want to ensure my mom lives healthy long as I can so she comes first in my life. I realized after a conversation I should have said something on here.

Due to that I can't usually give an update knowing if it's good or bad with her. I'm trying to do better as I get closer with this and posting more regular updates. I just, I pray her health improves and God let's us get all the work done, the stuff I need to help her with and need to do on my own.

....

I may post the full doodle... but I just liked this angle the best.

I took images of it at various angles and this one I really liked.

[haunted-xander]

I might've gone overboard with these I made so many

[imakemywings]

Aroace Maedhros is so excellent though...he does not want any part of sex or romance, he wants to be left alone with his battle plans and you can call him if you have useful intel or if you’ve written a sufficiently amusing insulting ballad about one of his family members

[fizzigigsimmer]

I literally have to be up early tomorrow * (today lol), but I am laying in bed consumed by the realization that Billy is Jesse Greenwood from Free Willy, if Neil had fucked off earlier and his mom had abandoned him when he was still young enough to be considered precious and worth the effort of saving.

[rizaposting]

I love playing Royai Theatre with my extensive 03 timeline in my head because I can jump around to suit whatever I'm in the mood for... Do I want one-sided Riza pining..... Do I want them falling in love... Experiencing domestic bliss..... Do I want Riza the most miserable she's ever been in her entire life... Do I want her experiencing The Horrors while Roy finally pulls his weight and supports her instead of it constantly being the other way around..... Delicious... Finally some good fucking food (slop i cooked for myself)

[courtjester69420]

Misc es thoughts:

Post Bhaalspawn reveal Es is like, way more of an actual person (read: maybe 20% of a real person now!) because having an explanation for the urge that exists almost outside the boundaries of his body is so hugely relieving he’s able to ease up on the #repression a little

the #repression, it’s like. How much of you is tied up in the urge, how much of you is just the blood and the viscera and the ecstasy of murder. Es sure as hell doesn’t know so it’s just All Repressed. no more any of it <- doesn’t even realize he’s doing it and thus has no way of examining or fixing it

His ThingTM is like 50% subconscious repression of his entire psyche and 50% massive brain damage

I could go on a 30 min ramble about gale and es but essentially their thing is like. Gale is such a weird little freak to me, i think he finds all the things Es does that would be an insane red flag to anyone else endearing (sometimes despite himself). Like his way of showing affection is so intense and his whole Thang with Mystra has definitely made him insecure about how wanted he is by romantic partners. So when astarion quietly lets him know that Es spends his entire trance staring at him basically every night his response is “aw that’s kinda sweet 🥰”

And Es’ thing with Gale is like. Represses the Urge. It feels so bad. Immediately rewarded with wizard who is just straight up nice to you. Neuron activation (the single neuron he has left… SAD)

Needless to say it’s toxic 🥰 but I also think it works. Mutual put your partner on a pedestal but they’re both insanely forgiving of each other’s flaws so it never comes up. Their friends hate them

Post game Es follows Gale back to waterdeep. Obviously.

[vaugarde]

atlas and quinn's relationship is hard to really put on a family tree but yknow how mlp cant decide if twilight is spike's mom or big sister sometimes and depending on the specific conflict she can be one or the other? just imagine that

[yousaytomato]

Embarrassing post to make, but next year a big goal of mine is to spend more of my free time writing/reading/drawing/gaming and less time scrolling endlessly on TikTok

[maegalkarven]

Fuck it, I've decided Selûne keeps June as her special boy even after he defies Bhaal.

He's less of a beaming column of light and more a reflective shine on the surface of lake, also June is no longer a cleric bc he just lived through two crisises of faith.

But every once in a while companions catch him looking not entirely... mortal.

[daisywords]

started rereading a book that I had mixed feelings about but have also thought about a lot since (and I do like to revisit works that had a particular resonance with me to try and figure out what that captivating something was) and anyway I did read this book the first time when I was probably too young for it (I think my mom was reading it for a book club and I saw it on her nightstand and read the blurb and she told me I probably should wait until I was older to read it) and I remember that sneaking into her room to read it in little snatches. Sitting on the floor of her bathroom in secret with that book. But ANYWAY what I'm trying to say is I remembered being vaguely annoyed with the narrator and I was wondering if that would still be the case reading it as an adult. And the answer is yes. I am finding her insufferable, in fact.

[doverstar]

I wish I liked Wednesday more but she's actually kind of a butt

[thatscarletflycatcher]

It's funny because sometimes I'll get very angry and frustrated about something IRL, and my brain will just take all that anger and frustration and dump it into some old or new fandom thing I hate.

[gulab-ja-moon]

report card was terrible I have disappointed 7 generations of my family at once how do 8 even deserve to live bye

[deathmaiidens]

perfectdcll:

“No not really.” She wasn’t technically lying. None of her other murders were anything that could be labeled an accident such as that fire. No one suspected a little girl to be the guilty party in those murders. They were either suspected to be strangers or in some cases the orphan would pin the killings on one of her parents. “I have been with quite a few different families since then though. A lot of people find me odd.”

"I can't imagine why." Wednesday's tone was as dry and cold as ever, but she meant it in a way. For ordinary people who didn't catch on to these things like the Addamses did, Esther was the perfect little girl with her curls and freckled, dimpled smile. Exactly the kind of girl she'd stay as far away from as possible if she weren't positive she was a homicidal maniac.

"So...what do you like to do in your spare time, besides start fires?"

[tpwrtrmnky]

hindsight

[ID: A two-panel comic with crudely drawn stick figures.

Panel 1: The lime green person is talking to the leaf green person and the moss green person.

Lime: "I... have a confession to make."

Leaf: "Go ahead."

Lime: "I want to rewatch the Wizard Child movies."

Leaf: "Didn't the wizard author get incredibly chromophobic?"

Lime: "Yeah I just... It's nostalgia you know? They meant a lot to me when I was a kid."

Panel 2: The three are on the couch.

Lime: "All right, let's go."

Leaf: "It's so weird how the wizard author just turned chromophobic though. Like I remember this series being pretty good for its time. It'll be weird seeing their work contrasting with their views now."

Moss: "I'm just glad we got the movies for free through normal and legal means. Heh."

End ID.]

[ID 2: Scenes from three Wizard Child movies.

Wizard Child and the Simplistic Morality: A slightly round child with a propeller hat is talking to a child with no hat.

Round child: "I am so fucking fat and greedy I am textually shown to be fat because I am greedy and also evil."

Hatless child: "You are to infer my moral purity from juxtaposition with this fat child. Woe is me for our shared parent has deprived me of a propeller hat."

Wizard Child and the Goodness of Wealth: An adult wizard is talking to the child, who now has a wizard hat.

Wizard Adult: "Wizard child you are secretly extremely rich."

Wizard Child: "I will form biases regarding the bankers all being triangular for some reason!"

Wizard Adult: "Your wealth is deserved because your true parent was Good and therefore you are also Good."

Wizard Child: "Now we should acquire consumer goods. Buy consumer goods!"

Wizard Child and the Dark Family History: A blue-grey horse person is talking to the wizard child.

Blue-grey: "No, wizard child. You don't understand. I am one of the good ones, because unlike the bad ones I don't try to spread my curse that makes you a blue-grey horselike creature to others!"

Wizard child: "Wow uncle blue-grey you are one of the good ones! I forgive you for being a horse because I am so good I would even forgive horses. I sure hope you don't conspicuously get killed off later in this movie!"

End ID 2.]

[ID 3: Oh hell no there are even more of these.

Wizard Youth and the Tokenistic Relationship Dynamics: A square headed wizard youth is talking to the former wizard child, now a wizard youth.

Square Wizard Youth: "Wizard child, as the only person with a square head in this entire series it is my duty to inform you that you are the savior of all people with square heads, too. Let us build a one-sided relationship that only furthers your character development, after which I will immediately lose all plot relevance."

Wizard Youth: "I will do this because I am a maturing wizard youth and need disposable relationships that don't threaten the endgame!"

Wizard Youth and the Escalation of Stakes: The Dark Wizard, a sort of grey-green person with a cloak, is pointing at Wizard Youth.

Dark Wizard: "Wizard Youth, I have returned!"

Wizard Youth: "Dark Wizard! Why are you green now?"

Dark Wizard: "Evil magic made me green! I am green with envy towards all who are good!"

Wizard Youth: "I will not engage with how you are clearly based on fascist ideologies and yet this narrative plays into fascist aesthetic sensibilities!"

Wizard Youth and the Post-Hoc Revelations: The Wizard Youth is leaning over their Wizard Mentor, who is laying in a pool of blood.

Wizard Youth: "Wizard Mentor no! You can't die!"

Wizard Mentor: "It is fine, wizard youth. My death will further your character development into a wizard adult. Also, I was secretly a very very dark purple this entire time. I never brought it up so I could retain narrative approval.

End ID 3.]

[ID 4: Wizard Adult and the Overdue Conclusion. Three panels. I am sorry.

Panel 1: The dark wizard is dueling the Wizard Adult with magic beams.

Dark Wizard: "Evil green beam!"

Wizard Adult: "Good red beam! Despite the enormous variety of magic in this series this is what our final battle looks like!"

Panel 2: Wizard Adult stands victorious over the dark wizard, who is dying on the ground.

Wizard Adult: "In the end, dark wizard, you were defeated because I am morally superior to you."

Dark Wizard: "I was a product of systemic failures. There will be someone like me again someday!"

Panel 3: Zoom in on wizard adult, who says:

"Not if I can help it. Because I am going to be a wizard cop now. The moral of this story is that all systemic issues can be solved by finding a bad guy to beat."

End ID 4.]

[ID 5: Four panels.

Panel 1: Return to the green trio on their couch, watching the TV say "The End." All are are silent.

Panel 2: They are sitting on the couch. Moss is looking at their phone.

Lime: "Yeah so there were maybe a few signs we missed because we were children."

Leaf: "Yeah. A few. Some."

Panel 3: Continue conversation.

Lime: "So what did you think, Moss?"

Panel 4: Zoom in on Moss, who says: "I've been zoned out on my phone since the second movie. They lost me at the magic stuff. Wizards aren't real."

End ID 5.]

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[unproduciblesmackdown]

other day i was like "yeah virtually all my dreams are defined by anxiety / every goal/hope being Thwarted, but at least i never really have nightmares" but it's like well what's the baseline what's the reaction, b/c i also then have to be like "but does it count if yeah i had a fairly typical dream sequence that was like, 'uh oh, i'm on The Horrors Street and the monster is probably after me, which i'm staving off by hand but it's kind of difficult b/c it can dissolve its own corporeal form in a somewhat gory manner as it tries to gnash at My corporeal form' but i was like 'i mean this is some bullshit but typical tuesday' level reaction so it wasn't a big deal?" like i don't even know when In Real Life it's also typical to have stress reactions like, just now going "smh obviously this sucks. i know i'm stressed. i know this is unpleasant bullshit & somewhat alarming. but typical tuesday (on a thursday)" and only due to noting some physical tremors is it like oh right i guess i'm also having an adrenal response. i tend to bring the like "smoke grenade! disassociation!!" response to a dream in that i can kind of Respond to it by withdrawing / distancing myself, sometimes even like [pushing things into being: as though it's a video game. pausing, exiting, etc] & like it's My psyche & it's brief sequences melding into each other anyways so okay, we'll pivot. other times it's just like yeah this is bullshit but shrug guess we're doing this, until it pivots anyways. Outliers are usually like, "just had an unpleasant Worldwide Peril scenario premise :/" or that like yeah once in a blue moon like sometime the past year my dream was so stressful i woke myself up b/c often when Urgently Confronted w/ Alarming Dream enemy i launch into fight mode & that one was just so [!!!] >:((( that it pushed the urgency into "oh shit, wake up maybe??" response levels. get their ass!! but mostly it's like "ugh i'm at this Job & im not sure what i'm doing, didn't get enough training for this. thinking about getting food but can i afford it" like yeah thee horrors but not as urgent. but then sometimes it's urgent or at least threatening & it's still like literally zzz / well this isn't ideal clearly but it doesn't even occur to me like Do i have nightmares i just shrug off? idek man. call that nightmarinating