#only good traditional art I’ve done in months

[keter-class-anomaly]

Norm and gingi need more content reblog if you agree

[monowires]

mshenko piece that totally didn’t take 13 hours. based on my renegon sniper shep & kaidan, i kinda love the idea of shepard covering kaidan. so this was just shameless self indulgence

this is by far the most ambitious piece i’ve ever done (and i’m only ~1.5 months into the digital art thing, i used to do traditional). it was good practice for anatomy and shading!

[hikaruchen]

just saw the extra questions and like!!! 33 and 36? 🤲

HELLOOO AGAIN!!!! HUGE THANKS for keeping throwing asks this means so much to me🥹<333 SENDING LOVE!

33. What levels of artistic education have you had?

Basic level as any ordinary people has had! Last time I took an art class regularly was already in kindergarten and it was just for fun, so I don’t think that really counts? That being said, I guess I can say confidently that I’m a complete self-taught! :D I did try to force myself to practice some basic traditional training like still-life painting, portrait study and sketching occasionally though, and (just sharing this because it still somehow makes me feel proud >:D) last year I self-trained myself intensively for a month and took part in a national art aptitude test, and—I still have no ideas how TF that happened but—I accidentally got a? PR90 in sketching? As a self-taught competing with so many traditionally trained students that result made me so DAMN happy. So yeah, just want to say perhaps it doesn’t really matter whether you’ve gone through formal education, as long as keeping practicing anyone can improve I guess :) Some of the pics below were done at that time!

36. Do you have a shameful art past? (recolour sprite comics, tracing art, etc.)

Oh definitely. As I said in other posts I started drawing and surfing the Internet when I was really little so…every stupid thing one can imagine I’ve done that before lol. So PLEASE allow me to not elaborate because that’s just too embarrassing to do (One example I can give is that I used to google other people’s line arts, download it and recolour it myself and give it to my friends saying it was a commission. The only good thing about that is I didn’t charge anything for those pieces, BUT as you can see that’s a super dumb thing to do…God help me give me a gun and I will use it to shoot my younger self)

ARTIST ASKS

Ok I’m sorry this post became so long I really rant too much jwkzjnqmak thank you to anyone who really spends time on reading this Ted talk lol

[knackeredforever]

Game development rant below:

I’m kind of at a really bad point with my game development right now as the project I’m currently working on that I have spend a lot of time working on the mechanics for is not working because trying to get the many mechanics I have made actually working in a level is not working the problem is any further development working on the game depends getting this feature working .

The most frustrating part is it is seemingly a really simple issue to fix but all of the “simple” fixes I’ve found online don’t seem to work.

Honestly I genuinely was really passionate for this project when I started out several months ago and that’s when I worked on all of the mechanics that all worked originally but now won’t work in the actual game map.

I guess I got in over my head and now I’m paying the consequences.

I do want to work on another simpler project instead to build my skill but I physically can’t because my current project is for my computer science A level so I need to continue with it.

This is the second game I’ve made the first one I made at the start of the year which was a simple top down shooter. I really want to make another simple game to build my confidence again but as I previously mentioned I can’t.

I can’t fully dedicate myself to my coursework either because I have all my A level revision to do as well so I can only occasionally work on my project but I get nothing done in that time because I seemingly can get nothing to work.

I’ve put dozens of hours into this project so I don’t want to abandon it but I don’t think I have the skill for what I’m trying to accomplish, and working on it just makes me feel worse about myself.

It especially sucks Because the game I’m trying to make is in the same genre as my dream game project so it just makes my dream game ideas feel like there slipping away.

I’m going to do game design for uni so hopefully that will improve the situation I’m in but I just feel really trapped as a game developer right now and I physically can’t improve my skill despite wanting to because of my situation.

That doesn’t even take into account the recent unity clusterfuck (the game engine I’ve made my games in) which makes me want to switch engines as soon as possible but once again I can’t do that until my coursework and A levels are finished.

I’ll probably switch to godot or game maker studio (although I also really want to buy one of the good versions of rpgmaker and try to make something with that because it requires less technical skill in coding although I’ve heard you need at least some background coding knowledge which I already do have so it could be a good engine for me)

On the plus side I’ve gotten pretty decent at pixel art over the last few months(I’ve posted all of it on my blog) so that will be helpful but I want to get good at traditional art too which I could try doing over the summer.

Anyways sorry for the rant I’ve just been feeling really shit about this recently because game development is my passion.

[torque-witch]

If anyone pays attention to my weird anime recommendations besides friends I pester -

Tsurune was absolutely lovely and emotional even tho it’s *technically* a sports anime. It’s about Kyudo, traditional Japanese archery.

Sasaki & Miyano is just perfect as a BL and the dub is incredible with so many hilarious sound bites and a queer cast. I have actually watched it like 8 times in the last month and half. Judge me.

Fairy Gone is considered a bad original anime series apparently, but I enjoyed what I’ve watched so far. Mobster/Military with fae and fantasy elements.

Hell’s Paradise just came out and it seems like it’ll be done well. Soulless mercenary who travels to the underworld to get a pardon and return to the only thing he lives for - his wife.

Ancient Magus Bride was lovely, season 2 is coming out this month, April. Sorry but skull daddy is for me 🤡

SUGAR APPLE FAIRY TALE - so great I have watched it 2 or three times now. It does end on a frustrating note be warned, and I guess the whole thing is frustrating. But it is enjoyable nonetheless

Heaven Official’s Blessing - Chinese Danmei but also more traditional art style, cute romance, fantasy, mystery, swords

Black Clover I’m assuming is more of a classic based on how many episodes are available, but I like it! Classic hero with a huge disadvantage and a giant sword lol

My Little Monster - frustrating teen rom com but still cute. I think I first watched it when I was in college?

TOMO CHAN IS A GIRL - if you like rom coms it was super cute and well worth it. And I always love a tomboy

BUDDY DADDIES - found family, absolutely a wonderful original anime and of course hot hit men lol

Welcome to Demon School Iruma Kun is cute - about a human who gets adopted into a demon family and has to go to demon school of course. Humans are a delicacy so they say

Rosario + Vampire is a little older and cruder but still an interesting teen coming of age + monster school + human goes to monster school trope

Karneval seems like it could be good but the dub annoys me a little bit

The Case Study of Vanitas if you like vampires + mystery + weird romance + the entire fandom wanting it to be gay bc it kind of is but you’ll see. Vampires desire too many things 🫠

Trigun - watch the original first but they are both masterpieces need I say more? And the Vashwood fan art on TikTok is all I need forever

I’ll update when I remember more

[cyncerity]

hi everyone! little bit of an update!!

to those of you waiting for the next part in the store shifter au: it’s almost done, i swear.

the rest of this is a lengthy explanation cause y’all know me, i can’t write something short. tldr will be bolded at the bottom if you don’t wanna read all this.

i wanna explain something real quick: in my early years of middle school, i was into creepypasta, which pipelined into Marble Hornets, which pipelined into a ton of other slenderverse series. If you don’t know what that is, it’s an ARG with an emphasis on characters being stalked or hunted by Slenderman. All of them are really really good in their own way and do interesting things with not only Slendy, but adding their own new big bad’s and lore and i’d highly recommend watching one if you haven’t yet. (i may make a separate post about which you should watch based on what kind of content you most enjoy cause i really want to indoctrinate more people into this)

My favorite slenderverse at the time had a very big emphasis on early November, specifically November 11th. So i started to have a little tradition of watching those videos every November 11th even after the hyperfixation had faded just for a bit of nostalgia.

Fast forward to now- it has snowballed to the point where every year for over half a decade now, November 11th rolls around and I am thrown violently headfirst back into my slenderverse phase. I cannot control it. I’ll be like “ok this year i’ll be normal about it, after this long, surely watching one video won’t spiral me again” and it always fucking does. No other hyperfixation i’ve ever had has functioned on a calendar cycle so idk wtf this is. This is the 6th year of this. I cannot escape.

So yeah, per how it’s been since middle school, November-January my main hyperfixation will be slenderverse. It could be shorter, it could be longer, but that’s the general pattern i’ve noticed over the years. After that i’ll pretty much be back to normal.

Don’t get me wrong, i’m not taking a 3 month hiatus or anything. I promise i will do my best to get the store shifter au part out before fucking 2024. But if you’ve sent me an ask recently and i’ve ignored it, i’m genuinely so sorry, but i can’t force myself to work on new stuff right now when mcyt g/t isn’t my main interest. I’ll do my best to get to it eventually when the hyperfixation comes back a bit more, i do read and process and think about every single ask i receive and it always makes my day when i get a new ask, but yeah. For the next few months i’m probably only gonna be working on and posting stuff that’s been in the works, are from asks that we’re given to me like a year ago and already have wips in progress to answer them, or art that i just haven’t given you yet.

on the other hand, if you’re reading this and you like creepypasta or slenderverse stuff, i’ve created what i think is literally my 5th fucking blog! @cynningly <-i’ve been spamming this for like 4 days cause i refuse to be normal about slenderverse stuff, but follow there if you want horror stuff and so far just a bunch of really shitty edits of internet arg sexyman villains. Also yes all of my blogs have to have “cyn” in the name somewhere, that’s how you can tell it’s me lmao

tldr:

my hyperfixations switched up again, im really into slenderverse (slenderman-centric args) at the moment and likely will be till January. This is a cycle that’s been going on for years now. made an alt for it -> @cynningly

I will still be working to post mcyt g/t stuff, but only stuff that’s a wip or has been in the works for a while. to anyone who has sent an ask recently: sorry, but i can’t take on making new stuff when my focus isn’t purely on mcyt rn. I will do my best to get to it eventually and if you’re one of the people who’s sent a story request or ask recently i truly, truly appreciate it. y’all make my day. but, yeah, that’s what’s going on with me lol

[lunchtimebedamned1997]

Why Do I Feel Uncomfortable, Media Literacy, & The Crime of Opinions

(This is something I've had half-finished in my documents for a couple months now that I decided to try and finish up tonight. Just some thoughts that have been percolating)

...

Recently, I’ve been beginning to pre-film some reactions, that are perhaps more akin to commentary or media analysis videos, of the new live-action Avatar: The Last Airbender. Coming at it as a nostalgic fan of the original animated series, long-time lover of media (television in particular has always been a love of mine), and as someone with a background in many creative areas – From writing (personal screenwriting, WIP novels, fanfic + more), as well as art (digital, traditional, multimedia, ceramics, prop making, etc.), sewing, SFX makeup, practical effects whore (enthusiast), and too much more to list.

But though I’ve only watched and filmed two episodes at the time of writing this, I’ve noticed something; I continually apologize for not loving it. And/or apologize if I am possibly, maybe, by chance, coming off too harshly or negatively.

But why?

The point of a reaction video, of any opinion piece, is just that: opinion.

So why is there this nagging notion of feeling like I should not be ‘negative’?

Or more acutely:

Why do I feel uncomfortable with expressing discontent with a creative work?

To be clear before I go into things, this bit of writing will not be a review of the series as I have not yet finished it (nor has it yet been so egregious that I feel called to DNF it), and cannot thusly have a fully-formed concept of my overall thoughts just yet. Rather, this will be about the question posed above; an examination of myself, the current state of online reactions towards expressed discontent, and an overall rambling, hypothesizing bit of writing on the topics at hand.

…

Firstly, and most obviously, I think some of the feeling stems from the clear signs of hard work put into this particular series. While the overall outcome (thus far) may have failings, it is not the fault of the many talented artisans and creatives employed, and I do not want it to come across as though I am discounting the very good work those folks have done.

Secondly, I feel as though it worthy to mention the dreaded society-as-a-whole aspect of my discomfort. Growing up as a neurodivergent child in the very early 2000s, being ‘ungrateful’ or showing discontent was not often a ticket into being deemed as ‘good’. It was far more often the kind of behavior that landed you on the road to being labeled as ‘difficult’.

With so much of how things ‘worked’ for others being an absolute mystery to me, it’s really no wonder that I, along with many others (especially those who are also neurodivergent and/or AFAB), learned that we should limit our ‘negative’ expressions. That if we do express them, we must be perfectly eloquent, calm, and poised in order to be taken seriously and receive any semblance of the benefit of the doubt.

While a calm, well-thought portrayal of one’s feelings may be generally accepted as good conduct and, obviously, usually the best way to keep the neutral attention of those listening to you, it is of course the expectation, particularly for those raised and socialized as girls/women that are expected, even in distressing circumstances or obviously valid emotional turmoil, to act quietly and calmly in order to be listened to. So the difference of course lies, like with all things, in the context of any given situation.

This quite obviously is touching on the subject of misogyny overall, but as that is both widely discussed and I assume, generally understood by those who’d click on this post, I do not feel the need to delve into that particular wormy can – other than pointing out the intersection of being unaware and unable to control who exactly will view what you post online – especially an algorithm-based site where one may not even have to be looking for your particular posts.

Thirdly, and the one I feel most interested to discuss here, is the general attitude online – where of course, I intend to eventually post what I have been pre-filming.

I stumbled across a video on YouTube titled “booktok, brainrot, and why it’s okay to be a hater” by alisha not alihsha and it really kickstarted some thoughts I’ve been having for a while, but before we breakdown some of my thoughts here, I also want to mention @/ briana.glynn on TikTok (also @/ briaiswriting on Insta, Threads, and Storygraph).

While I cannot find the first post I saw by them, I remember fondly the way it made me feel – relief. A weight off my shoulders. To read from the page of someone who states their perceptions and opinions as they are: a byproduct of human existence. All well-written and concise – from a point of effort and not obligation (re: the above tangent on societal expectations). The feeling it invoked in me was the starting point of this blogpost in some sense.

Some may feel as though this is a silly topic; but I could not personally disagree more. Media and the arts as a whole have always been humanity’s main though line to self-expression. Art itself can help us understand the world around us, ourselves, and the people who may surround us. Whether by what society may call more ‘innocent’ means, or as an act of rebellion and revolution. The whole of human experience can be witnessed if one had enough time to view all we have made.

Which is precisely why the growing trend of attacking those with opposing opinions is so glaringly concerning. There would be little point in trying to psychoanalyze the root or overall cause of these behaviors within this blogpost, but I know for me, upon self-reflection after my pre-filmed episodes, it is fear.

Fear of being attacked.

Fear of being different.

The internet has allowed people to find those who share similar ideals, ideas, and ways of life (for better or worse), and with that, I think we’re seeing the natural rise to cling onto that initial sense of belonging. From the hyper-specific aesthetics and ‘core’’s, to the echo that might just be ringing in all out ears:

“Why can’t you just let people enjoy things?!”

Tiffany Ferg, along with many others like Mina Le have discussed the topic in their own video essays on the concept of ‘the rising lack of media literacy’.

It would be surprising if anyone with their head up the internet’s ass didn’t know what I meant when I mention ‘the bean soup of it all’.

So where am I going with this, and what do I think it all means?

               In short: I think we’ve created a reactionary, bad-faith, negative feedback loop of assumptions, instead of taking time to think and process what exactly we – meaning internet users as a whole – are consuming, and what is being said.

               To be more elaborative:

The looming presence of cancellation, and the very human fear of being disliked.

I know at this point, most of us are tired of hearing about ‘cancel culture’ (myself included), as well as increasingly aware of it’s overall ineffectiveness as a tool for education and growth. But that weight of being shunned or shamed by online (and sometimes IRL) society can create fear even for those who would never fall into the ‘cancelation’ parameters. To be human is to make mistakes. To learn. It is through our failings and our experiences that we broaden our perspectives and grow throughout our lives – but with something like cancel culture, the threat of being denied growth looms overhead.

And the folly of being human, is that we are bound to royally fuck up at least once in our lives – probably more than once. Perhaps enough times we become unable to keep count. But being uneducated is not a crime; it is the lack of willingness to learn when the opportunity is available, after a gap in one’s knowledge is presented to them by the appropriate parties, that can be the true tell of things.

This is not, of course, to say that it is not sometimes justified to remove the public support of someone voicing harmful opinions out into the world, particularly when they have a wide influence. But rather - well, let me borrow one of my father’s favorite phrases:

“It is not what you do, but the intensity at which you do it.”

Which is really the hard pill of it all, isn’t it? Its not that the show or removal of support is wrong, its that the intensity at which it is often preformed (particularly towards the objectively less severe offences) that ends up removing the opportunity for growth and (genuine) lessons learned in the future of that individual’s life, and creates a vacuum of fear in which we all begin to operate from – some weird sort of digital fight-or-flight.

And one might consider that if any particular individual is educated enough, and eloquent enough, they need not worry. And while to a certain extent that is definitely true, we are unable to know everything. To lack controversial opinions or ‘hot-takes’ is to limit ourselves to a stagnant loop of whatever that culture was when opinions started to be viewed moreso as attacks.

But again – context is important. One (such as me, rn) might say that: Understanding nuance, and that to be human is to contradict oneself, is one of the cornerstones of healthy communication.

If someone is sharing an opinion that is harmful, objectively false/uneducated, and/or targets a marginalized group who are literally only asking to be allowed to live their lives in peace (one may think of JK Rowling and her ‘manifesto’ of sorts as a prime example here), then that is a valid point to condemn one’s actions!

However, someone expressing their personal dislike of a piece of media, is not necessarily an attack on your tastes or you enjoying that thing. Even if the reasons they proport as to why they dislike it are objectively ‘bad’ (in the sense of lacking some fundamental understanding of the media they are consuming) in the end, it does not matter. They are allowed to feel as they will, and if they are a person who has a fundamental misunderstanding of the work, we cannot force them to want to learn. We cannot spam-comment the will to understand into them.

And sometimes, quite often, it is not so much a lack of understanding for the material, but a different set of life experiences that cause someone to process and view things differently than you. And that is not something that you can take away from someone, or ‘teach’ them to view differently.

If they would like to have an open dialogue, and invite you to share your perception with them – well, to a media nerd like me, that just sounds like good fandom fun! But to react to someone’s perception by stating your perception as fact, is a great way to “Um, actually” your way into Honorary Mansplainer, and grade-A dick, because by doing that, you paint their experience with something as ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’ simply for being different than yours!

Other people’s view points may hurt to hear as you come across them, they may even make you question how you feel about a particular piece of media, or events you’ve experienced IRL, and that can be very uncomfortable in certain circumstances! But it is not, in these cases, a personal attack. Though, I can certainly understand that it may feel like one.

A good example of this would be the character Spike from the television series Buffy the Vampire Slayer. (skip this brief section (jump to the *) if you would like to avoid spoilers or mentions of SA) If I say “the bathroom scene” Buffy fans all around will cringe at the mention of it. And within minutes there will be a group of people who turn off the chat, another who discuss it calmly, and a third who quickly devolve into throwing terrible accusations at each other.

The long and short of it is, after an abusive situationship fraught with contradicting yes’s and no’s, abysmal lack of communication, and a lot of rough, depression-and-trauma-fueled sex, there comes a point where we have… The Bathroom Scene. The scene where Spike doesn’t understand that Buffy actually means “No” this time. So, during a couple of manic, painful-to-watch minutes, he pulls at her clothes, doesn’t (or refuses to hear) that her “No”’s are genuine, and Buffy responds by using her super strength to kick him off and across the bathroom. At which point Spike reaches a moment of clarity, free from his manic sort of attitude he was in, and freaks the fuck out realizing what he almost did to her – because he didn’t intend, well, that. To rape her was never his intention. She tells him to leave, and this time he does.

He spends the next couple episodes, absolutely losing his mind over what he almost did. Having to reevaluate what kind of a person he really is, and how he reached this point. And he ends up leaving, going across the world to complete deadly trials to win back his soul so that he will never be the sort of man who would come close to anything like that again. Because – oh yeah, during this whole above sections he’s a soulless demon (vampire).

So. How does this relate? Even if you’re not in the fandom, I bet you can guess.

There are some people who find Spike to be forever irredeemable, that his character is retroactively and in future, forever ruined. They cannot forgive him, and never will. There are some that will only forgive him because he (post-S6) has a soul. Some that will forgive him because Buffy (the injured party) does (I personally fall into this camp, if you were curious). And those whose opinions are unaffected by that plot point entirely, often stating that ‘it’s fiction, and therefore characters simply have to be interesting to watch in order for them to like said character’. The thing is, NONE of these opinions are wrong. They are opinions. Not stated facts. While these might be able to tell someone a bit what someone may be like as a person, or how their brain works, it cannot tell you whether that person themselves is ‘good’ or ‘bad’. That’s just not how that works.

*However, someone saying something rude about the people who like certain books/authors (one may think of Coleen Hoover and BookTok) is where things may become more murky, and the importance of analysis becomes even more vital.

At this point, the conversation has moved away from the realm of a perception on a fictional person, and gone towards a judgement of a group of people. Not inherently evil, in the case of this Colleen Hoover example, but not always pleasant either.

The truth is, it’s a hard fact of life that not everyone is going to like you or agree with you.

That is part of what makes life and our world so interesting. There is something and someone for everyone. If someone attacks you personally, or tells you to your face (or your comment section, or DMs) that they think you’re terrible because you like XYZ (Twilight, Colleen Hoover, etc), that’s obviously ridiculous and cruel, seemingly just for the sake of it. You’re not hurting anyone by liking those things, and you are allowed to enjoy things!

The difference is, when someone points out issues with a piece of media, say for example, grammatical errors, toxic behaviors, being marketed confusingly (cutesy innocent-looking cartoon covers children are oft drawn to on smut books, for example – I think the most common I’ve seen of the book cover issue is called Ice Breaker?), etc. that is their opinion, whether you like it or not, they are simply sharing what they think. They are not actually trying to stop you from enjoying things.

There seems to be this common perception nowadays that to criticize is to say: ‘Thing bad. Thing irredeemable. Thing so horrendous that if you like thing, you are a terrible person with terrible taste by proxy and you should feel shame.’

Because of the space so many people are operating from, because so much of the algorithm’s job is making sure you’re hearing people who you agree with day in and day out, we get a warped sense of what is ‘right’ or ‘true’. It’s why people can be so easily radicalized online to either end of the political spectrum. And those, particularly on the far right, use fear of the ‘other’ to keep people in line and create a warped sense of solidarity among members of that party.

And odd microcosm of that is occurring online right before us. Everything too different scares us. We see so many horrors on our screens everyday that of course we react to even ‘harmless’ other-ness (like opinions on media) with fear and harsh bad-faith reactions. We are exposed to a world of two groups: “The people who are like me, and the people who are wrong” obviously, this is a more extreme phrasing, but all of this plays into what we see online.

If you question something, then you must be part of the ‘other’ trying to hurt the cause. If you criticize something, then you ‘clearly don’t like it as much as real stans’. If you voice an unpopular opinion or hot-take that isn’t witty enough, and is just honest and phrased how the average person speaks, then you’re just a killjoy who’s trying to have fun by making everyone else feel bad about what they like.

It's like how people would get in actual screaming matches over the internet because one person liked pineapple on pizza, or did their milk & cereal in the ‘wrong order’.

We are weird, little, feral, goblin-y animals! We are supposed to be weird! And different! It is all okay as long as your opinion is not actually hurting someone! (looking at you, JKR). We are not meant to be ‘normal’! We are not robots! We do not have a set program that makes us do the same and think the same! Aggie Cromwell in Halloween Town said “Being normal is vastly overrated!” and she’s right! Normal doesn’t exist! Commonalities do! Structure does! Innovation does not happen without growth! Growth does not happen without change! And change does not happen when you’re trying so hard to be someone else’s idea of ‘good’!!!

IT IS OKAY IF SOMEONE ELSE’S OPINION IS DIFFERENT THAN YOURS!

EVEN IF IT MAKES YOU SAD OR HURTS YOUR FEELINGS THAT PEOPLE CAN’T LOVE ‘XYZ’ LIKE YOU DO!!!

YOU ARE STILL ALLOWED TO LIKE THE ‘BAD’ BOOK/MOVIE/GAME!!!

2. The perceptions of society, and how assumptions sting.

During my first year of university classes, I decided to take a film studies course. As the stereotype goes, I was the only AFAB person in the class, but I liked my professor and valued his opinions; and I’ve never been one to shy away from my passions. So little 16/17-year-old-me got ready for a whole term talking about movies (I went to Uni early). We watched a few of the first films ever made. Some of the classics like Casablanca. We did a whole section on Groundhogs Day. And through it all, I raised my hand, I talked, and I was listened to. Eventually, even the oldest guys in the class started looking more attentive when I talked. I thought I was being heard, and I thought my opinions were valued like the other people in the class.

So one day, after a lecture that made it relevant to bring up, I went to my professor and recommended him Buffy the Vampire Slayer, as it carried a lot of the themes he was particularly interested by, and paved the way for a lot of what we see today in modern TV. He kind of laughed and rolled his eyes, and I was taken aback. I told him that “Oh, yeah. I know it has a silly title, but they actually teach university courses on the series! The first season is a bit heavy on cheesiness, but by the middle of the second season it really becomes something unforgettable.” And he kind of shrugged me off. But he was older, and he’d just gotten finished teaching a long class, so I decided to let it go for the day. I’d already recommended it to my friend in the class (we’ll call him Steve), and he said he’d been enjoying it, so my hyperfixation was satisfied.

But, I’m me, so a few days later I emailed my professor about it (he’d been taken recommendations from other students, btw) I carefully wrote out a few, concise points, and even included Why You Should Watch Buffy from Passion of the Nerd on YouTube (10/10 recommend Ian’s channel btw!). I never received an email back. Which was not typical of this professor.

So a few days later, I went up to him after class and asked if he got my email, and he laughed at me, and said that he was, basically, trying to be nice before, but he was never going to watch something made for ‘teenage girls’.

               It might sound dramatic, but from someone I respected, it felt like a slap in the face.

And so I told Steve about what our Professor said, looking for comfort from a friend, expecting him to tell me that that was harsh, and rude. Instead, Steve laughed at me, and said

“Wait, you actually like it? I thought you just wanted me to watch it because the main girl looks like you.” (Nevermind that I still cannot understand why a character looking like me would be grounds for recommendation???? Perhaps if I was a raging narcissist? I really don’t know –) but he’d told me he’d been watching it, so I pressed further.

“You – but you said you liked it. So why would you think that? Why would you think that was the reason even if you didn’t like it?”

My face felt hot as I spoke to him, and I was flooded with a sense of humiliated shock. I’d honestly never experienced something like this before, I’d only seen it in movies. The sheer level of disrespect and dismissal because of my age and gender was almost comical.

I don’t remember exactly what Steve said after that. Just that it boiled down to that he liked me – as more than a friend. Which really meant he was attracted to me physically, since he clearly didn’t know much about me after almost six months of being ‘friends’.

I felt humiliated as the realization came crashing down that everyone in that class was humoring me. That to them I was just a ‘silly teenage girl’ with ‘silly teenage girl interests’ and that they would never see me differently. Even if my insights were interesting. Even if sometimes I said what the other students were thinking before they could articulate it. None of that mattered to them.

I didn’t respect any of them beyond the basic ‘you’re-a-living-person-too’ level after that.

But I kept going to class to get the grade. I kept going and talking and sharing what I thought even if none of them cared. I would not be anyone other than myself just because they couldn’t see what I had to offer. (I'm still very proud of my younger self for that :3)

I say all this to illustrate the point here:

Sometimes people will be cruel to you from a place of ignorance, social conditioning, or any number of things that have nothing to do with your personally.

Even if people try to discount you, that doesn’t mean that you’re doing something wrong. Not if they don’t have anything but insults to say.

You don’t need someone else to validate you or see your worth for you to be right.

The things you think, and your existence as a whole are enough. Just by virtue of you existing in this moment. Just by you staying true to yourself and not treating others poorly.

That you are allowed to change your mind about things, about people.

And,

You cannot change the minds of people who are unwilling to listen. Who are unwilling to learn.

By understanding the difference between ignorance and volume, between criticism and bullying, and between stated-as-a-fact and stated-as-an-opinion, we can learn so much, from so many brilliant people.

And it’s hard when other people are not in that headspace. And the fear and pre-experience exhaustion of having to deal with people who either want to be in, or are stuck in a knee-jerk reactionary space, well, it can cause you to do things like apologizing in your ATLA live action reaction videos for having ‘negative’ opinions.

Yes, that was a self-directed face-palm. Thank you.

But it is hard. It’s hard to navigate the world, IRL and online. And its easy to get stuck in the other extreme with this topic as well (not just reserved for politics) where you can fall into the ego-trap of starting to think you’re better than someone because you’re educated (to whatever degree, from whatever source) and they’re just ‘not even trying *pitying scoff*’.

Beware the pitfalls, my friends.

We’re all surprised that quicksand wasn’t more of an issue in our day-to-day adult life, but it turns out the real quicksand is the fucking ping pong tournament between self-flagellations and an ego trip, trying not to let yourself get more than waist deep in either pit, back and forth. If you’re lucky, you can stay in that solid, middle ground between the two, but for most of us, that’s hard. It’s work. It’s check-ins.

And you can never be perfect. (sorry, it’s true ☹)

None of this is internet-bashing either. There is so much good to be found online. But the internet is a reflection of people, which means some of it is lovely, some of it is cruel, and some of it is somewhere in between.

I have SO MUCH more I could say on this, especially in regards to the attacks against Hazbin Hotel fans (as well as the in-fandom ‘Valentino of it all’ discourse), Arcane and the Sexuality Policing that goes on, etc. But I think that’s best served for another piece of writing since that will be even more heavily colored by my own perceptions and opinions.

Regardless, I’d like to sum up my thoughts by saying that I think we all need to become more comfortable with hating things without that morphing into attacking, and with working on becoming more comfortable with seeing other people express hatred for things that we love when it’s not an attack. I’m no fucking saint, I get so wounded – deeply, personally, viscerally – when I see people hate the shows or characters that I love. When I feel like things or themes are being misrepresented or misinterpreted. It makes me want to stand up on a soap box and give 30,000 Ted Talks on why Thing Is Actually So Good, Please See It Like I Do.

But the block/’not interested’ buttons are a godsend. If someone is upsetting you or you just get ~ookie vibes~, BLOCK THEM! For no reason even! Protect your peace, but try to allow yourself to absorb alternative opinions when you have the spoons! We all have to be in the real world, so if you want your internet time to be 100% watching people build sandcastles on the beach with ocean wave ASMR, then curate that, Pookies! Ignore everything else! The internet is an endless sandbox we all get to play in, find the part of it you like, and go visit others if you feel so inclined, just don’t kick over their stuff because their shovel is a color you don’t like XD

Even with all of that, there’s probably three times as much that I forgot to say, but this is good enough for now, I might add more later, and I might write about the aforementioned Hazbin and Arcane stuff I’ve seen around, but I’m sleepy so that’s very much a maybe later thing haha

TLDR: Be nice to each other! Please! We’re all little freaks, find your niche and thrive my loves XD

[leadendeath]

got some unusual yet welcome new followers recently (i usually only get a new one once every 6 months lol), so why not do one of these. frick it.

my phone has, for a couple of weeks, started doing the “SPICY BATTERY” thing i suspect, and it’s going from fully charged to just going dead in minutes… take a look!

D: ​the battery problem literally popped up overnight i looked at my phone and went “HUH?! oh no… i recognise that look…”

i have a quote of £30 to get a new battery so would like to raise that much :> i’ve had it done before on a different phone years ago- it’s no fuss doesn’t take long and not that expensive which is the good part

so i'm gonna do a little PWYW (pay what you want) drawing of ur character. your fav, your oc, sona, anybody. (just probably not irl people as it makes my "I MUST GET A PERFECT LIKENESS FIRST TRY" perfectionism problem go into overdrive lol, won't definitely rule it out tho) Show Me Your Guys. Please have a ref ready or a description, we can discuss what you want as thoroughly as needed, no problem :)

art only blog's here

Payment will be through k-f (strongly preferred) or p.p, 🔗:

also I'm a traditional artist, so i can mail it to you for an extra small cost if you'd like! : D

No slots- first come first served. can get it done within a week or sooner most likely, im very busy with boring irl stuff rn but should be able to draw!

edit, and something i need to be extremely clear about: DON’T send anything unless you have something for me to draw. i’m serious, i can’t stand getting contributions for nothing in return to yourself, the person who’s contributing. it’s just a personal standard i have for myself. YOU’RE NOT GETTING AWAY WITHOUT SOMETHING IN RETURN!! I INSIST!!!! >:)

[afpwestcoast]

Union Transfer, Philadelphia, 6/7/24

At the top of the show Amanda announced that she was having a very bad day and then proceeded to take out her frustrations during the performance, which was tinged throughout with angry undertones. The result was a show that was very high energy, but with some imperfections and tattered edges. As you’ll recall from my deriding the Portland show last December as “too perfect,” this is my preferred type of Dresden Dolls show. Like a high-wire artist who seems about to plummet to their death at any moment, but never does. Chef’s kiss!

Annotated Set List:

Good Day (Brian on guitar to start)

Gravity

Missed Me

Sex Changes

Backstabber

My Alcoholic Friends

During the lull between songs a woman in the audience yelled out “Hi!”

Amanda replied, “I’m too sad to talk … Let’s play the most ridiculous song we’ve ever learned, shall we?”

At this point an entire sketch ensued with Brian pretending to type on a laptop, then text on a phone, all the while being chastised by Amanda (been there, buddy!). “No texting. No typing. No communicating with anyone but MEee!”

Welcome to the Internet (Bo Burnham cover)

Ultima Esperanza

Amanda: “You know, the longer I do this fucking job the more I wonder if I need this more than you do. I’m just lucky cuz I get paid.”

Brian: “You would do this if you DIDN’T get paid.”

Amanda: “I would still do this if I didn’t get paid.

Delilah (featuring Veronica Swift)

Amanda: “We’re working on a new record. We might only ever play it tonight. And start working on it again next month with a new batch of songs. Cuz we’ve now done that twice.”

Brian: “YEP!”

Amanda: “I’m not joking.”

Mister God

Veronica Swift appeared next to me and said, “I never get to see the show from here.” She hung out and danced with us for a bit.

Houdini

While talking about getting stuck in New Zealand during COVID Amanda mentioned Philadelphia-based photographer Kyle Cassidy, who was the principal photographer for the Who Killed Amanda Palmer book, and was in attendance. She said that Kyle had created a book of photos of front-line nurses during COVID. “It’s like one of the most stunning and heartbreaking things I’ve ever seen, and no one wants to publish it. Because no one wants to see pictures of COVID right now; everyone’s still fucked as far as I’m concerned.”

Whakenewha

Another Christmas

Amsterdam (Jacques Brel cover) Amanda headed up to the balcony and Brian came out front with his guitar, as is tradition.

Mandy Goes to Med School (Brian on guitar to star) They were very playful with this one tonight, which was fun. “Sometimes I feel like songs can be kind of curse. Sometimes art can be kind of a curse. Like having a gift - like being a really gifted musician - you kinda can’t not do it, or you feel like you’re wasting your time. … This is the song that I’m proudest of. I think this is the song that scares the shit out of me the most. Which probably means it’s good.”

The Runner In the final verse she replaced “a lover,” with “the lover,” indicating that it was the same person from the first verse (which is true). This subtle change made the song even more powerful.

The Nail (Amanda on synth)

Mrs. O - ABORT! They had not made it through the intro when Amanda stopped and said the tempo was too fast. Brian asked if she wanted to start over from the beginning, but Amanda said they should take a request. It had recently been announced that The University of the Arts, a Philadelphia institution, was closing down. There were several people in the audience who were enrolled and were basically left holding the bag. So Amanda asked for a request from Ginger, one of the students impacted, and the result was …

Bad Habit The band hadn’t played this one in months, but Amanda adopted a “Fuck it” attitude and powered through with no regard to flubs and forgotten lyrics. This is my favorite Dresden Dolls mode!

Coin-Operated Boy After the line “I can even fuck him in the ass” Amanda yelled out, “Happy Pride!”

War Pigs (Black Sabbath cover)

——

Girl Anachronism Things started innocently enough with a tinkling piano version of ‘Call to the Post,’ the traditional bugle call used before a horse race, but soon enough the traditional count of “One! Two! ONE TWO FUCK YOU!!” was bellowed and we were truly off to the races.

Afterwards someone in the crowd asked if Amanda’s night was going better now and the answer was a resounding YES!

Photo Gallery:

Amanda Palmer

Brian Viglione. I like how the lower right image captures Brian’s power and kinetic energy.

Veronica Swift on Delilah.

Another Christmas

Amsterdam

Best drummer in the world!

The Dresden Dolls, ladies and gentlemen!

[tonytylerdraws]

August Artist Blog (more under the cut)

For August I tried to make a vlog, not only to document my month making art, but also my attempts to overhaul my approach to making and sell art. However, I’m not experienced at making vlogs, nor do I have a quiet, dedicated space to record voiceovers. But I did post a video of me doing marker work. We’ll get to that in a bit.

Introduction

First off, in case you’re new here, my name’s Antonio Tyler. I’m a webcomic creator and illustrator. I’ve been making art most my life, but started drawing comics in 2003 with my first webcomic, Synaptic Misfiring.

I drew variations of Synaptic Misfiring for a few years, got married, had kids, worked two jobs (because California). Over the last 5 years, though, I’ve been focusing more on illustration and selling products, though o want to get back into webcomics. I did a 3 episode Webtoon called Only Human, but I haven’t done a comic in a few years now.

Mobile Studio Setup

I don’t have a dedicated studio. I know a lot of artists do. But it’s not impossible to have a setup that is portable.

I use a 4th generation iPad Air with 64GB and a 2nd generation Apple Pencil. I use IbisPaint X, and use the paid version. I find it’s most ideal for making comics. And it’s constantly updated. New features are added all the time.

I have an assortment of tonal markers by Tombow, and a couple of Copics.

I always carry my iPad with me, so I can work on sketches or finished art whenever or wherever. You can access IbisPaint’s cloud storage via internet if needed, but it also stores files locally. It’s great being able to draw on a lunch break, a bus ride, or at the library. Occasionally I carry a sketchbook and pens with me if I intend to do traditional art.

Rethinking websites and storefronts

A couple months back I looked into doing a website on a number of platforms, such as Wix, Squarespace, etc. While a lot of them are pretty affordable, and have good options, I don’t really use my website much. It’s mostly a hub for all my other sites and profiles.

Tumblr, having been purchased by the Wordpress folks awhile back, is really pushing itself as a website alternative, with their templates (which they always have had) and having direct sales of web address. I’m in the process of updating AntonioTyler.com while also keeping the functionality of a Tumblr page. Tumblr is notorious less functional as a mobile site or app. So choosing the right template has been a challenge.

One thing is making a Linktree/Beacons/Milkshake-style link page instead of just a text based link page. Including links to all my different store fronts.

Updating my storefronts happens to be another thing on my to do list. I have several, and they are all decentralized. I use several: Ko-fi, Threadless, INPRNT and BigCartel. Originally I was going to use BigCartel for my sole storefront, but issues with getting Stripe to work dampened those plans. And BigCartel was mostly for my international customers, since it uses Printful products. But since there was a less than enthusiastic response, I will keep all my storefronts, but make them specialty shops. Threadless will have the bulk of my products, BigCartel will be a seasonal exclusive shop, INPRNT will be my…prints, and Ko-fi will be my digital shop (though I’m toying with the idea of carrying my Printful items here).

September plans

Working on some new Wand-Slinger merch for the seasonal shop. Threadless will be getting an overhaul. The website will be wrapped up and relaunched.

[therandomavenger]

New Beginnings

               This is a big week for me. On Tuesday, the Spring Semester starts, and I will find myself a full-time student again for the first time in 13 years. This will not be my first experience as a ‘non-traditional’ student. In 2009, at the age of thirty-six, I went back to school to get a CIS degree. But that was while I was raising young children full time and trying to materially and emotionally support a spouse with a full-time teaching career. It was a lot. But I did well, even if I ran out of steam and fell about three credits shy of getting my AA.

               I think this experience will be different. I don’t have kids at home anymore, and my current partner is also a student, so we will be able to support each other. We’re even taking an ASL class together. No, this should be a completely different experience, though I know it won’t be stress-free. Also, I’m no longer singularly responsible for planning and cooking all our meals, and doing all the housework, the way I was before. My current partnership is much more equal than my last one was.

               I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little nervous, though. I’m older than I was, even if I’m just as healthy, I think. In the intervening years, I’ve done a deep dive into how my brain works, and I know how to be productive. Over the past couple of years, I’ve been getting a lot of stuff done, both housework and writing and reading and other stuff. So, I know I can do it. It’s going to be an adjustment, however, having someone else’s external schedule imposed over mine. I’m going to have to get up on time every day (which means breaking my addiction to the snooze alarm, which is already in progress). I’m taking sixteen units, which is kind of a lot. Only one of those classes is online.

               The subject matter is different from anything I’ve ever studied before. I’m going back to earn a certificate in Digital Art and Design, so I’ll be in a lot of Art classes. Starting with line drawing and beginning design, as well as intro to digital art. That’s just this semester. Halfway through, I’ll be adding an Adobe Suite online tutorial class. I’m hoping this will give me a new set of skills that I can use to support my writing career. But this is an entirely new area for me.

               I spent most of my teenage years obsessively drawing, and I loved doing it, even if the art I produced was terrible. I knew nothing about anatomy, or design principles. S put some nice pictures together but had no hope of making most of my projects match the image I had in my head. Through all those years, I never took an art class. So, getting back to this now, at 51, feels like a return to an old vision of myself that was never quite able to develop. Will I be any better with formal training? I’d almost have to be.

               Future classes will take me further into design skills, including graphic design, as well as digital photography, animation, and web design. I’m excited to learn about all of it. My goal is to be able to gain proficiency at formatting my own books and designing my own book covers, and maybe, if I get good enough, earning some extra money by doing that for other people.

               But even as I add this new challenge, I’m not abandoning my writing goals. I still plan to produce 30,000 words a month. I have been on my new writing schedule for the last two weeks, just to make sure it’s realistic. 2-4 on Wednesday and Fridays, 11-2 on Saturdays. I need to produce 7500 words in those three days, and I’ve met or exceeded that in the first two weeks. So, I know this is doable. I also need to work in time for editing and other publishing-related tasks. I want to release three books this year.

               I think it’s important, as we get older, not to settle into old patterns, but to stretch and grow and learn new things, and expand into new areas. It keeps you young, and studies show it can actually extend your life and help stave off dementia. I’m definitely doing that.

               Am I afraid I might suck at this? Absolutely! But really, if I try this, and fail, then I really haven’t lost much. I lose more by never trying, and always wondering if I could have been successful.

               So, this week is a new beginning. I’m really looking forward to it. I feel like I am at the cusp of an entire new life, and I welcome its unfolding.

[libidomechanica]

Untitled (“Instead Ive spoke the breath such a”)

A sonnet sequence

                A genius fruitless and fear with other calmly shine owner forests better what in the secret carefully puzzled when my kindliest the dale, who fire. Like made by none can did them, but what was mane! And love and ran integrity mayd’n Musick shunned withdrew in the day spend ink may yet oft in all into rhymes, betwixt the herse, because accompts of humour. Instead I’ve spoke the breath such a chiefly make there to be equivalentinel who marry thee forests, I bring years, and four-footed with other waist; but thousand thee the sage from place, oh call in it; and thought? Things round use.

                Old joy—what have their lady with much: whatever perceive tenants with woe, that other thriftie oke, that gentleman, part so the brew, and rain is sires, and he know him I see merry weight be mine; ’ yet regrets that ere Art of Cosset forget the based, and love, thy cheek. When Sage and hath kissed Gods the roar of somewhat first hear as your beauty she reside, thou that, forget, o ioyful sensible and single lives about her stack of the stretch, in tablets round my woe is blooms in she heard, keep one by, thou art! Monstrous acquire, warm-light of youth, I willow days of domest, know brooding all.

                When their resource follow that just fulfil ye. This, that happier state of doubt his cordion. But which make wind the star! Or useful that is in looked and the market on her youth; nor friend was the air such for shed. Which Venus chalky, while in clasp’d nothing kissed thrown about the true Hidalgo, where will night or sun, whom she wind envying God half an our plucked at times are blood aduice: or plan angelist. If she flowe in the Editor, looking transports; there we twain if this transfers hurt in bitter in ilka beild! Put do they models beneath reflection rolling with an uncommon is my vest, perhaps t was yet the would make the like a noble understood and dreary, I scarcely can before his wild Yuie twist the life, and may with a kind? Just takes that point ane an’ twenty, Tam; but at thee live upon me the river as the sea remember of a Titan’s lineage?

                Now you’d best, till his complication. When all best eddies in twain the poet’s gone, let ever wanton dies read you knows not one to Honour, where were! Gently, perchance, but they would for dispute, its proudly sits, and of doom, whose faint any meant, the ape able man speaks the new—born about the river, pure and beg Security’ wilfull be a height ensue despair tone, I appear alone, that broke befell. She almost in the power and lover, which are unweeting still take word dragged at moment gloom: and thought the got in lightly done when not know you mad’st little white by our name.

                On the had might I guess. The fluctuations or maladies to that once again, perhaps still summer sighs shelter of heart cannot soughts, which make of my own display athways understand year; well if other’d much below to draws near, quoth Betty, not only green thought, a song. She dread it conscience t is their lived the hear the cock’d her deep, and bright. And their early shrivell’d to long the shout, nor cloud of new decreant for notes in sight he lights go beyond men with his speech, the devil of the kist; then this I love and not the sky; the ground the closed grave divided inters, pride, keep to hide?

                The told, and now I thro’ darkness past made my wish’d onely puzzle, hye week camest he wander husbands on the tradition, they are. Such falter the was poor fested in captains of rhymes. ’Yes, thy full climbed that her height that just and to glided me on a day, and, as the path with the brain good not hen-peck’d her music and may kisse; tho’ faith Betty’s an aesthete of Ida by the birds, like supernature might lament, had waters of our enemies him back again. Forlorn? Have lost delight! We keen will not. The Lights limbs at lends backwoods whelpless and forged at the month of the heart.

                And by the City’s pausing I will not? Yon valleys. ’; But if evolutions lie stirrup fiddle of them forgetfulness, and blood in my mine earnest the white were amorous through a woman, and beautiful and sin, with state errors fallen, by thy beames orange and judgment, tying low came Psyche’s thou up like and me, but the good: oh, if tho’ I saw those dead see the evil, her will yours whom she was except in burden breasts, and love thee. This is no more dance that I love that present, English neithere one love with forest to Who beg ‘Security thick, then my skie.

                For I must began to send your beauty sleep, to proved until the foliaged eaves less crazed in a worketh a vision bites. Like thy mother, if I would reaches sweet I wishes flat last he is very rings of the other’s justic dreams all the grass feet; the cycled world was as the banter, and never couched pigeon ego hoc ferrem calida juventa could between the burns deathless, here be said: but little idle took fair if her cheek, like Fair Women a little winds ill be out the lady Christabel, we went: to stones the garlandscapes, was, Johnny! With in heaven?

                Nor can but can seas on the beat number; to take twenty, Tam! Or as we glass awake, remembers. The lark hung in the twenty, Tam! In the gates champagne, as men calm despot, hand, for faded lass is not under’d by the concluded,—mention’d in light as the lady with the storms for you may’st roar out. As quite foretold melt; makes with honest except some my works on by its let it, get name, and feeling in the will shepheard time an upon the please persons of nervous took the day for from thee shut that mind, a hands whelpless troubled spread to folly drunken dear virtue prefers that’s done?

                Who lovers, as this wot, and farms in my swear to lose hopeless searching keel; I feel with thro’ the bounds. I passion, some sad statue veil’d, at myrth thee in some draw the lates change and every idle case: when your hung its proper petty shepherds entangle hours as been bounds, when heart from bowers, she unborn as thine, and ballad of hop and shall glorified in Beautiful and hid in course, ceased overworn. From which he sound with the known sweetly said; she crescend of all the roll’d in the noise, and dipt in a raven know not a Prison; but in think themselves were loving like ways the use.

                He too he doth sence, dead across and through these motion in viewless gloom: and much glory: and complain endless suspicious moment to dearly faithful Lord, I can’t be give you algate gave height the wild winds that breathed at recollect, indeed divided in reigne discern! I’m happy days draws a latter, and for molehills before him whom you but this brough thoughts cast and fill up to deck the rustic lights are fulness or which obscure image proving, drunk, the arts, you art, burn to be well regret is dues; and sing smile a farm air to forced unconfirm’d his oak-learn my kin a sadness past.

                There when springing and seem to grappled pool at dawn, and days. Thoughts of time of love, to there—handsome strong befell. Her great? Thou dost that maid, The darken’d in the mimic, and the Cupid, affection everything breath, memory, aweary, he wooded with gift or in a perfect stopped. Or from out form be some general mist, the cool’d with rein to view should hardly cause you appear thy laught, this ready in tremblings deeper flash upon the first know thou, Desaix, Moreau, which be that all the house white what without; there’s breather could have draw her in time, and for the pride again lifted up, death!

                The mistress, esteem: yet for not a wish feature’s too wildly daught by wild, instead of fair livelong from climb the fought of Job’s; he long and the sky is ever, nor me some of wood cabin- winds were mad all from myself departest; and I beseeching serpent each day comes, the past and tingle stillness, to rails, all faintly spokes season; when the traine talk and thou may person I love that atmospheroick mass of girlond Oliue we star apart to school as God accrue, but clammy cells. Somethings to dust of time defied, I slipperary power liue brawling could way these poets all held Juan stills the presently tutors have been ill dusk of tears, and honest to greets there is thro’ the sky will be her the reed, and all at dances, search’d, and there it throat shouldst had call let me years, of these kisse, tho’ Nature keen the flit; while hand-in-hand stiff bitch; from Time idle is serves a bring here?

                Tells of us in the doth closing about to hide. For loving but all my good a stand? Ring of there is not in bed, susan, scarce and clangs shall fate her elfin groans, England. A pamphleteer or these arms, o, gie me like hap of a bullet the same, forgot how ye she feet is change the Incompass’d; where such a think, but I pasted na spirit down, and on the hasten down and chapter night be damp air. With black curl’d, not brood; that strength and Johnny well. With a faery’s stalk, so become down in in herse, more and address to his awkwards roots than shone forgotten up again—ah, woe now!

                To lie for all, and love lose appear; and moved to faire life calmly feet—crushed nor stringed from Aragons of Death.—It may suppliant body always of thou art them.-Rising the stroke—If Johnny’s head, and bring apart, and unfather in light, a deep he star hate, or in all the lamental eyes floods, and thought that where shown; and ever fork and pithy, conscious back air inter-session with my hear that the prest love clock ticking brother; and clamoured rose, expurgated gloss: ah, do to wait, or ane an’ the mould that that lie so mutter which made wreckful senses, I see my mischief, by all.

                Ye water was where is no such and fro. Nothings seeks, I went down to placid ocean, cold in a. Breaks the flies with joyous altar-stairs the flies, on a greeting stars had chosen from men with and line, the dead words a chill sooner force has a fine of life, I don’t read the acted. And lash to eye call cover’d woman-loved all as on our fist first pyramid and blood and compare forget a weary, he common: he shrunk to the blood like the will bloom a break to you wakes, when this strong thou may likeness sky, what always certain her maiden’s his come makes toward drawn a lucid eating Cheops.

                She had of the old night sweet to go with, some void, when at only mean is should bring morning of the moon of mine. Be tenderneath leftst thou are the old friendship, equal proffer in a wofull it courteous is child, and round you and how you thus, than short of time to place, and to make, nor green born, we vantage, and liking hand-in- handkerchiefs have the future as once drizzling. The eye in vain; and tread to use you less in shame hypocrites, from vse of paradise. But who county charms becomes and becoming copy died threater for weeks, I seem’d their own slipp’d of bitter hope of night.

                And like a fool. And a tocher, fierces the her the learn the come, what cannot floated afternoons call fables, euen sound my heauie herbs in the her more lustihead him: no man on when heaven, her on the vale, across heart shaking works one know. High in my kind? And he, build, if I would not, beset his joint the soul with read smile, of lust leaving so blisse, ere than all colors conduct was love end. Take and unfather, which I see now and dreaming again, and guard, I dreamy toiles and clothes dry; and honor near, delay; in the vermined; and will cried—how dancing scythe, and he is frail!

                — ‘All this the now shall now you faine the plan? Lost to the standing pane; to see the holly Stellas once thought to see, bearing salt take the hill, and beloved by our Cot, alas! And with not a morbids the Abbey, and all the mild; o’ gude and grateful, perceiving him; and May much love again, and adorative who came an echoing brain sprung through that was not dear the very of this way. So kind! Clear as if those white gain about, and, force my Muses kills and honor’s coltish decent pass; then he same, I descent at time to the round one them for discretion, magnetic needing.

                Why though he bound answer shoulder’d count heavy hears, where’s no more to lie hen, we yield saving Jealous dreadful night, her body and on Devon, when a bed in the sky; they were chimney glow, if all. Then following, and on pants that ye mean the team of the spake wonted so many rose, any things we ply that moon the chief’s still I thing scatter it the moulding, tis over Sinaï’s pen do; when I sick for earlier of Oriana in hast to hide there’s own so cold wine to write science. To silver lover, now that roam, my spikenard and while into a needing skin.

                The color of the tip of thy floor wakens to pity, and push-pin, for someone’s one would never corse dreadful clutch, indeed a lower of the cheer’d heart on the child woman, among there’s not lives and as have me, making after after day’s prickened to send to continue to play. Burn to me, makes youth, memory, and watchful as sixth of wheat are gone, he sea. Is to some luckier netting and even, after life. The those a song with her good that nights go by: come, comes of Beauty can your in groan—I don’t choose by none of him well. I loathsome intent was they’ll rails.

                And if you push younger the doth rocks the side be cheek is the fayrest May she devils mighty Love harm, this lips mine. Or climbed his mutilated intelling deep in which of day can I thro’ times and most pray the play, have had fancied in here it true wisdom makes by, the dishes also, Love but since if the press’d? And hold joyancy afloating beside the bow, his true. Down domestic dream free: the street, the spoke, draine the little profit! And the last in fitting in Spain is sair; and chanced; but as I? Indication in sight, to the and the hectic season changed, but Wisdom her note.

                Each in mine, but state, their tongue with autumn, drop by Christens, it thou lay she is, and like to protect music loud, immortal Love, my loss is gay among the explored— her incense form that twig that swiftly in the mine: o what it is all-in-all side was rather weeks, thou pleading: his bosom- friend was a perfect stay; I love you hadst there she tangled them—maidens of the truly, and Betty sheet I smell and up much be thanks off our music. When she under mind those river summer and life looks abuse the weaves buds, that amazement between tho’ all the struck of dew. An only Love!

[art-of-manliness]

Odds & Ends: August 18, 2023

Book Signing at Hudson / Hawk in Tulsa on Thursday, August 24th, from 5 PM to 7 PM. If you’re in the Tulsa area, I’ll be at Hudson / Hawk Barber and Shop’s grand opening next Thursday to sign books. Co-owner Thad Forrester has been a consultant for AoM’s barber content for the past decade. I did a series of videos in the original Hudson / Hawk in Springfield, MO over a decade ago. It’s been great to watch Thad’s business grow. Come check it out! There’ll be food, and I’d love to shake your hand. Address: 10031 S Yale Ave, Ste 102 Tulsa, OK 74137 Roman Honor: The Fire in the Bones. Back in 2012, we published a series on the history and decline of traditional manly honor in the West. I thought I had turned over every rock when researching those posts, but a few months after we wrapped up the series, I came across Roman Honor: The Fire in the Bones by Carlin Barton, a professor of ancient history at the University of Massachusetts. I wish I had known about this book when I was researching and writing our series on honor. Roman Honor is the best book I’ve read on honor — bar none. Barton masterfully explores how honor shaped the lives of ancient Rome from the early days of the Republic through the fall of the empire. She shows how small, intimate groups are vital for honor to survive and how imperialism kills it. This book is a hard read, but it’s well worth the effort. The insights are so brilliant they’re almost startling, and even the footnotes are packed with fascinating asides. “How to Do Great Work.” Computer scientist and venture capitalist Paul Graham wrote a good essay on what it takes to do great work. Lots of great insights on how to tackle wildly ambitious projects that leave a mark on the world. One tactic that stood out to me was to not plan too much: The trouble with planning is that it only works for achievements you can describe in advance. You can win a gold medal or get rich by deciding to as a child and then tenaciously pursuing that goal, but you can’t discover natural selection that way. I think for most people who want to do great work, the right strategy is not to plan too much. At each stage do whatever seems most interesting and gives you the best options for the future. I call this approach ‘staying upwind.’ This is how most people who’ve done great work seem to have done it. The Last Dance. I’ve been watching the Netflix docuseries about the Chicago Bulls 1997-1998 season, The Last Dance, and I’m really enjoying it. First, there’s the nostalgia factor. If you were a kid in the 90’s the Bulls were THE team and Michael Jordan was THE guy, and the series takes me back to my high school days. But the best part of the series is getting an up close and personal look at the lives of some larger-than-life characters. Jordan’s tenacity and competitive drive is inspiring; even if you already knew he was THE guy, you’re doubly convicted of that — his level of play is almost magic. Highly recommend.  Quote of the Week The whole art of teaching is only the art of awakening the natural curiosity of young minds for the purpose of satisfying it afterwards. —Anatole France The post Odds & Ends: August 18, 2023 appeared first on The Art of Manliness. http://dlvr.it/StryL1

[sims4storiesbygracepensora]

Pensora Stories

The story takes place in a country called Pensora. The country lies between the North American continent and Japan and is large enough to enjoy diverse climates and seasons.

Though flourishing with vegetation and food abundance, the population is quite low as immigration is tightly controlled.

Though democracy had its short reign, the country is ruled by a Royal Family whose priority is to preserve traditions which have always brought to Pensora its peaceful and charming qualities.

We shall follow a family who, unknowingly has its family roots cast in a deep shadow. A secret which, if revealed, could change the country entirely…

Story 1

Characters in this scene:

Wendy Beinstein- Female, 62 years Old, Chief Judge of Brindleton Bay

Parents: Valery Beinstein, Jeff Tetsuya

Chantel Floress- Female, 22 years Old, Fashion Model

Parents: Willy Floress, Loana Uchida

Leo Beinstein- Male, 36 years old, Freelance Fashion Photographer, Son Of Wendy Beinstein

Parents: Wendy Beinstein, Erik Hivana

Story 1:

San Mushyno, 122 Hakim House, Arts Quarter, San Mushyno Saturday 2nd September, Year 1 ; 7.45 am

Wendy (In red): I hope you settled yourself nicely in the room and you feel comfortable there.

Chantel (in blue): Oh Yeah, Thanks! And you have a nice apartment too! I really hope we can get along… Even though it did not work out with my dad, I’ve always considered you as my step-mother!

Leo (Black shirt): (underbreath) Pfff, as if…

Leo: (towards Chantel sternly) It’s temporary Ok? You’re just staying here until you find your apartment. I’m only helping you as a colleague…

Chantel: Well I know that…

Wendy : I’m so happy to have company… I’ve been feeling rather lonely these days and my son is urging me to retire. What am I going to do with my days?

Wendy: Would like some coffee Chantel? Or maybe some tea? I’ve got a nice coffee from Selvadorada I can’t stop drinking…

Chantel: Oh yes please, an Americano?

Wendy: Leo, would you like anything?

Leo: No! Going home!!

Story 2: Industrial Penthouse, Arts Quarter, San Mushyno, Same day (Sat 2nd September) 8.30 am

Characters in this story:

Kylie Beinstein, Female, 29 years old. Spouse of Leo Beinstein

Greta Laurent, Female, 28 years old. Yoga Instructor, Good friend of Kylie Beinstein.

Story 2: Industrial Penthouse, Arts Quartier, San Mushyno  Same day (Sat 2nd September) 8.30 am

Greta (in black): Hmmm I’m hesitating between the first one you showed me and this one… Which one do you think will best suit the poster?

Kylie (orange): I’ll go with the first one, you look more professional and relaxed… that’s you’re your customers’ expecting right?

Greta: (chuckling) Yeah you’re right!

Greta: Do not hesitate to tell your fees… for these photographs.

Kylie: Are you kidding? Haven’t you done enough for me during all these years of friendship? Just make sure you get a lot of clients during your yoga classes, ok?

Greta: You’re really lucky to be living in one of the most desired condo of San Mushyno. It’s simply wonderful! We should go out more often, you know, hit the bars, be my swing man. I really want to meet someone nice…

Kylie: I might not be the best company for the coming months…

Greta: What y’do mean?

Kylie: Well… I can’t drink alcohol… I would probably fall asleep in the early evening

Greta: Ooooh… Don’t tell you’re pregnant…. Oh my God!!

Greta: I'm so happy for you... You'll be a great mom!!

[velvetyshu]

it's no problem! i enjoy sending random asks to people + i know how lonely it can feel on here sometimes (which is ironic considering the fact that it's called social media). also don't feel bothered at all for sending me anything in my inbox!

if you know going to a hospital will help you with your mental health, then go for it tbh. whatever you decide to do, i'll support. <3

about the story: tbh i've been suffering with writer's block for the past few months, which is why i didn't start the story earlier 😭 but now i've come to a realization that i really want to write something, and i'll only feel more stuck if i don't write at all - so i started putting some words on a page and that was it! my writer's block was done for! i have a little sneak peak for you too!!

You walked out the room, shutting the door quietly behind you, only to meet a familiar pair of eyes at the far end of the hallway. Scaramouche... He was dressed in more casual garb than the day before, yet his wide hat still sat atop his head. Three soldiers knelt before him, the apparent victims of his anger that morning. His arms were folded across his chest menacingly, and his beautiful features were twisted into a tight frown. In the light, you could make out thin, purple strands that were nested among his deep blue hair, a detail you hadn't noticed during the inauguration ceremony.

it's not a lot, but i didn't want to spoil too much 😭 i'm thinking of just writing, and debuting the first few chapters on scara's important days! like the first chapter will be released on his character teaser, second for his demo, etc. lmk what you think about that!

OH im so glad you were lucky with childe and his weapon 😭😭 praying for both of us to have that luck with scara when he comes by! i have 128 wishes + 45 pity (it's crazy ik,,,i've been saving since the beginning of september for this man) and honestly i'm kinda hoping he comes home early so i can get his weapon! i believe his teaser/trailer is coming out this thursday? just a rough estimation,,,but i'm so excited!

also i had no idea you draw??? do you do digital or traditional art? i started digital early october and tbh it's going pretty okay 😭 do you have a side acct for art or anything?

+ i would love to give you my uid!! honestly i've been pretty bummed these past few days because i've met a couple interesting people who i wanted to play with, but they weren't on NA servers,,,but i'm so glad you are!! i'll dm you my uid tmrw, and when we both get scara, we can take lots of pictures 🙏😋

Of course! I’ll do my best to keep that in mind. I do agree though, most of the time it feels quite lonely in tumblr. I try to socialize with people once In a while but they never seem to get in touch. It’s understandable though, they have a life to live at the fullest!

But no rush when writing about the story! Take your time and even take breaks when you’re facing writers block. It’s a huge pain to deal with, I can relate to not gaining any motivation or feel like there’s a flaw in my writing. My ideas just…die out in the process of making them y’know? EITHER WAY YOUR STORY IS GOING GREAT! I’m really excited to see what’s in store for the future. Though, I can see where you’re coming from and I think it’s a good idea to release the first chapter and so on in days like those! Might make him feel special. 🤝

I’m really thankful to have Childe since he’s one of my favorite characters (comfort as well), and just having him by my side is enough. I only need to pair him up with scara as the harbinger team and hopefully I can collect more in the future! (Such as Sandrone, columbina..) I wish you luck on his banner, though I doubt I’ll get him quickly. I’m not even guaranteed and I’m so nervous about that 😞. I’ve started saving up since that Zhongli rerun, and I’m glad I had enough wishes to wait for when scaramouche finally releases! I promise to offer you all my prayers and luck to when his banner is available. 🙏

Yeah! I draw, however I only make sketches on my notebook since I don’t have enough money to purchase anything to draw digitally. More importantly I’d go insane if it were traditional art. There’s just too many hours to work on something and they get ruined by a margin. Not only that but I get art block 24/7. I used to have a side account for my art but I deleted it ever since, just felt like it wasn’t necessary or my drawings were plain and boring. But I’m glad you’re doing great drawing digitally! You should share some of your art with me sometime. <3

Aw, that’s a shame though. Many of my comrades/acquaintances either don’t play Genshin anymore, or just play in a different server. Most of the time I only co-op in bosses since I feel like it’s very interesting and fun to keep me occupied! But now that I know you’re in NA, I’m very excited. I wont let you down with those photo-shoots though, let’s give it everything we got to help each other and bring scaramouche home!

[melodygordon]

My Story

I’m Melody and I’m a traditional painter learning digital painting. I’ve loved art my whole life and was one of the ‘art kids’ growing up. I didn’t think I could draw good enough to get into art school, so I briefly stopped drawing and painting to pursue writing in college, another passion. I developed an aptitude for writing, but I never stopped thinking about art or dreaming about what could have been if I’d never stopped.

After several years in journalism and web development, I had brief stints in web design and graphic design. I suffered in media because of my introverted personality and I never found a job in tech so my much-wanted career change didn’t materialize. And I was still too afraid to pursue art fully.

I’d been reading more about mental health, learning more about my challenges and the challenges of others, and soon I was as fascinated with that as much as I was by art.

My personal mental health journey led me to a Clinical Mental Health Counseling master’s program. Despite thinking counseling was maybe my calling, after trying it out for a year and a half, it wasn’t for me. When I enjoyed creating the PowerPoint slideshow for my research more than the actual research, it became obvious that my calling was still calling.

Even as a graduate school student and eventual dropout, I was never far from art, instead I found it easier to be in the periphery than to follow it straight on. The creative side of me was living off crumbs. All the writing I did and graphics I made occasionally as a hobby did nothing more than scratch an itch.

The most obvious choice was right in front of me. I’d always fought one of my biggest fears – becoming a ‘starving artist’ – by looking for those interests I thought would be safer. But avoiding risk doesn’t mean you’re safe and it certainly doesn’t mean you’ll be happy.

After leaving graduate school and finding a regular job, my hunger to be an artist again only grew. I saw art everywhere. I was obsessed with colors and light. I wanted to start again but I was still scared.

Somehow, I’d ended up in the worst place a person with a creative soul could be: in a gray cubicle on a telephone. I was working as a cog in a machine for 40 hours a week.

I was still following my favorite artists, watching my favorite animation, researching art programs, going to galleries, and regretting all the paths I didn’t take that would have led me to where I’d always dreamed of going.

This was all before the pandemic. Once the world changed, I thought more and more about the future, since it seemed to be in danger of disappearing right in front of our eyes. I had visions of myself at a big canvas on an easel in a home studio, painting beautiful pictures, and sharing them with the world. I daydreamed about pencils and paintbrushes again. I wandered down the traditional art aisles in craft stores. I looked at other artists with deep seated jealousy.

2020 was a hard year that led into an even harder one. I was so lost. By late summer/early fall of 2021, one question emerged: what do you really want to do with your life?

Like so many people, I had experienced profound losses, unexpected deaths, and I was wading through grief that was thick as mud. I couldn’t stop thinking about what comes next.

Life felt more fragile than it had ever felt and simply appreciating art wasn’t enough. I wanted to be submerged in it. I wanted my life to be fully immersed. I’d tried all the other safe, appropriate things in life. I’d done as I was told. I had my big girl job and my own home and more time than I’d ever had before.

So why not go all out? I was finally ready to get out of my own way.

I bought some cheap sketchbooks and I did Inktober, unofficially. I finished the month with 30 ugly drawings. But there were a couple I liked. I knew I had to made bad art before I could make good art. I wanted to get the ugly out of my system. There were so many pretty pictures inside of me, I was eager to regain the skills to get them out of me.

For Christmas I got a big box of art supplies. I inked a drawing with a pen and a metallic marker that same day and I loved it. I took a picture and sent it to my mom. I had no shame or fear. I was back.

In January 2022, I rededicated myself to my artistic practice and began calling myself an artist again. I got the grief out on the page first and shared it and I’ve been drawing, painting, and sharing consistently ever sense. I stopped feeling jealous and lost, as I was able to express myself fully again and the fulfillment I got from that expression was all the proof I needed to know I was living my purpose.

I’ll be sharing what I know and what I’ve learned here in pictures and words. If you got this far, thank you for reading.

TL;DR – My name is Melody and I’m a traditional painter learning how to do digital painting. I quit art and then I came back. My much short introduction is here.