#or at least perfect to what I know is realistic bc no way I could truly achieve perfection with no training or practice

[sexynetra]

UPDATE:

She’s kind of serving cunt :)

[ms-demeanor]

I was homeschooled, and didn't much like it, and always kinda assumed I would've had a better time in public school, in large part bc I was raised in a religion that didn't survive much contact with the outside world. You're like the second person in as many weeks I've heard talking about nightmarish bullying experiences in school, and I'm remembering times now when I was a kid when I did occasionally talk to public schooled kids, and they always seemed to say they wanted to be homeschooled, mostly bc of bullies. (I was the kind of annoying to say that if I were public schooled I would probably just stand up to the bullies!)

I'm not totally sure what I meant to ask here but ig broadly what I'm thinking is just... Like, whoa, it's really bad in there, huh?

Eh.

I had a really, really, really bad time of it but homeschooling probably would have been much worse for me and realistically there were not that many people at my school who were dealing with bullying at a level that I was dealing with bullying.

I could have asked for homeschooling or independent study because of that, and I actually know two people who did, both of whom ended up coming back to school within a year.

I also think that schools are way better about bullying now than they were in the 90s-early 2000s.

That doesn't mean they're perfect, but the institutional attitude about intervention changed a lot when more kids started killing themselves.

But, like, legitimately without my public high school yearbook I probably would have killed myself. Getting bullied sucked, but eventually I found a niche where I was able to develop skills and some level of friendship and could spend many hours a day focusing on doing something that I liked that would have been impossible for me if I was on my own and without the resources a public school offered.

This is how I'm 37 and have been using InDesign at a professional level for 22 years. It's how I got into photography in a serious way. I have had at least three jobs that came as a direct result of working on my high school yearbook (even if people did think I was plotting out sniper positions when I climbed the roof to take student life photos with the telephoto lens).

So the bullying was bad and horribly traumatic but also it was the cherry on top of a shit sundae of other stuff that was going on and literally the best thing in my life at that point was the yearbook.

But also man there were weeks and months in there that I would have done much better with remote school.

So I'm torn!

I kind of think that adolescents are just always going to be terrible to each other and the best you can do is damage control.

[gingerjolover]

I need jb riding my strap for Valentine’s Day 🫠❤️💗

OOOOOH BABY

this one is SO highly requested, and ive got some opinions

shall we take a blurb-esque journey together?

RPF smut under da cut, minors gtfo<3

there was no specification for reader but i think this could be soft!gf reader or even masc!reader bc realistically i think you're getting treated like a princess on valentines day

i do think jules has certain feelings about v-day like maybe the capitalistic affects on holidays riddled with consumerism

but she also will use ANY excuse to spoil you

so vday could be a day where jb literally just does whatever you want, like you wanna go to the aquarium? you bet your ass she's taking you to the aquarium. movie marathon? oh babe, she's on it and has snacks and drinks and the living room all cozy and decked out

depending on how long your relationship has been going on for or even if its relatively new but maybe it' your first vday together, its clear that jb is a GIVER

like she would literally rip the moon from the sky and give it to you kneeling down holding it on a silver platter for your taking

but the one thing that you really want is to give back to her

and there are plenty of things that you can do for jules, she strikes me as a "just wanna be in the same room and breathe the same air" kind of lover

like after a long day you washing her hair, giving her tense muscles a massage, rubbing cuticle oil on her nails and giving her hands a massage with some nice lotion, "coloring" in her tattoos, or even just giving her a long hug or cuddling and pressing kisses to her skin are all acceptable physical means of compensation for what she does for you

but she doesn't ask for things, especially during sex

she strikes me as someone who isn't quite stone, but maybe somewhere adjacent where like yes of course she wants to get off but she finds SO much pleasure in making you feel good that sometimes she doesn't NEED to

but you want to spoil her so after a really nice dinner or maybe a fun day at home, you're both snuggled up and on the couch or the bed and i think the approach might be a little different

soft!gf is definitely more timid when initiating sex, not like timid like shy but more passive? like jb knows your body better than you do practically and she knows by the way you squirm that you want her to fuck you

regardless, i think jb's perfect starting point is her being able to make you cum at least once with her mouth/fingers OR a combo

like thats a starting point, it can only build up from there but to her that is the best way for her to gauge where you're at and its a good spot for her to be (girlie LOVES to be between your thighs, she eats like she's never eaten before i will die on this hill)

and jb will usually kiss up your body afterwards, her wet chin and lips smacking kisses on every part of your skin

the little fucker loves to press her lips to yours, mumbling against your mouth, usually along the lines of "tastes good, hm?", moving away from your lips and pressing kisses on your face, her brown eyes twinkling mischievously

and usually your hands in her hair as she makes her way down, tongue and teeth teasing a nipple, sucking hickeys into your chest but tonight you tug on her hair gently

she looks up, lips all puffy and pink, baby cow eyes blown out with lust, "what're ya rushin' me for?" or something comes out of her mouth, her lil southern twang making an appearance

and you're like, "the strap," and she's smirking, thinking you're being needy and she tries to dive back in, "be patient..."

"no i- i wanna use it on you," tumbles out of your mouth, confidence skyrocketing from your first orgasm

and she looks like a deer in headlights being like, "huh- w-what?"

and all it really takes is you whining a please, before she's helping you adjust it on your body

i feel like soft!gf has very little experience actually wearing the strap, maybe masc!gf has more experience despite jb being the giver in the relationship

either way jb is sitting lowkey awkwardly, her cheeks are a pink mess or she's doing that eye thing where it's kinda giving side eye

"we don't- i don't have to do this jay, i can just use my mouth," you say, making sure she knows she has full control

and she's stammering like, "what?! no i just-"

"what baby?" you ask her so sweetly, running a hand through her hair, and she's shaking like a fucking leaf

"if you keep looking at me like that with that, thing, on you i'm gonna cum," she says quickly, hella embarrassed that just you kneeling on the bed with it is doing something to her

it's honestly a blur but next thing you know jb is on top, riding the strap, your hands on her hips

and she talks about you being whiny.... biiiiitch she is the WHINIEST mf ever on the strap okay

she literally can't form coherent words, her forehead is glued to your shoulder, her breathing heavy as her hands press on the bed next to your head

you have to encourage her to keep going, truthfully she doesn't have a ton of rhythm, like the way she moves her hips is sloppy because she's feeling more than just the base of the strap on her clit like she would normally feel

i think you'd adjust slightly, pushing her up gently and thrusting upwards and she would damn near shriek

it takes a lot to get her worked up sexually, she's the dirty talker when she's domming you but she has no words, just little mumbles and whines and whimpers and they sound so pretty you can't help but patronize her just a bit because she does the same to you but a million times worse casually

"doing so good jay," you'd breathe out and she's about to lose it

poor jb's literally leaking all over the base of the strap like she can't help it

and when she cums she literally squeals and you have to stifle a giggle because her face is buried into your neck

she moves in to overstim territory pretty quickly so you kinda move her off of it and pull out which she does not like and she kinda huffs when you do

and then you pull out all the stops

lots of kisses, warm cloth, ice water through a silicon straw (she likes to bite them this is my hc another hill i will die on), words of affirmation and praise and then a nice soak in the tub

i wouldn't say she's in subspace but she is kind of in a haze until she's laying with her back against your front in the tub and its almost like she sobers up

"you're in my spot," she grumbles, the grumpiness in her voice a result of absolute vulnerability

you just giggle, pushing her hair out of her face and kissing her cheeks

"we can switch" before she's scoffing like of course you were going to switch

there is definitely a debrief about how she felt, i think she can't quite articulate how much she likes it but its not going to be an everyday thing because as much as it felt good she feels more pleasure getting you off

*insert cheesy "happy valentine's day" exchange here* which julien engages in with an eye roll and a small smile before going into the history of western consumer driven holidays

and of course when engaging in pillowtalk, she does spitball some "new positions" that you could try if "you ever want to ya know, wear the strap again," and you're like.... "so you liked it?" with a smirk, and she's kinda playing it off before being like, "maybe for my birthday we could..."

[currently-not-studying]

I am fascinated by the ORV look on fatherhood. For now let's just look at Kim Dokja bc this post will get too long. Later: young dad Yoo Joonghyuk and joys of parenthood of Han Myungoh.

Kim Dokja and his 4 kids (Lee Gilyoung, Shin Yoonung, Bihyo, (arguably) Lee Jihye or puppy Lee Hyunsung)

So we have this guy who thinks he is unworthy of love and not a good role model trying to save children during the apocalypse. Someone who has no previous experience of good parenthood trying his best to give them what he never got. He gives them opportunity to grow, he trusts them to take care of themselves but also makes sure they don't face anything they cannot handle. But he also leaves them behind time and time again because it's not like they won't manage. It's not like they don't have anyone else so just because they loose him (and he will come back!) it isn't that big of a deal. Or maybe he knows it is but sees no other way and he will be back so they can get angry and clingy but for now he needs them to push through (but do we trust Kim Dokja to really consider how much he is worth to them?).

We have Kim Dokja as a son of an abusive father.

Even though this man shaped the whole story we don't see that much of him. We see his echos in the ways KD thinks of himself, of his relationship with his mother. He haunts the story the same way the abusing parents often haunt their victims all the way into the adulthood. The lack of self-worth, the need to separate yourself from your feelings to survive, to hide behind a wall - it seems like it started early. And we also see KD father in the ways KD is different from him. The bar may be on the floor when we are talking about someone being better than KD father but KD goes above and beyond. Even though he struggles with it it takes a lot to choose a different mind set when you were never offered alternatives, at least outside of stories you've read.

Which brings us to the other one of Kim Dokja's fathers. Hades. The book version of a father - a stoic, but loving man offering to fight for his child with a scythe and all the glory of the Underworld. Someone who will forgive you lying to him (normal) and then offer you a legion of soldiers (less so). If KD ever read about good fathers it could be someone exactly like this. And it's not realistic in the way KD is with his kids - it feels more like a wish fulfillment of a little child. A dream of a child beaten and berated by his own father to have someone who stands up for them, who forgives them and trusts them. And who ultimately dies for them.

Because both of Kim Dokja's fathers died. And both did that because of him. That's not fair. Hades did it for him. He saved Kim Dokja just like a father should. And on the other hand we have a father that had to die so KD could live, not because of some great curse or calamity. His death was the only thing that could keep KD safe from him. And even in death his shadow was there. KD mother had to leave him, his abuse at the hand of his extended family and children from school started.

So for me Kim Dokja on some level knows what he has: an experience of abuse. And he knows that in no way he wants to repeat that with his children. So he tries. He tries to offer them support, to be there for them, to forgive them. Just like a perfect, book version of a father would. But they're not in a perfect world and he isn't almighty. He still suffers from all those beliefs installed in him by the years of abuse which started at the hands of his first father.

In the end he is human in his constant struggle to break the cycle, to give those he loves his best and also in his failures.

[homeless202]

I’m new here and I absolutely love your type of blogs with analysis and meta and long texts~~

I was wondering—is Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship the kind that could be interpreted as romantic?

first of all, welcome and ty! and sorry it took me so long to reply, i hope u're still around anon. now to answer ur question

i'll take this opportunity to share all my thoughts on the topic bc i have Many.

TLDR: it is possible to read it as romantic if you really want to, but it's not meant to (at least not as of right now in the story aka ch.224)

deep dive under the cut as to why

-> can Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship be interpreted as romantic?

i like how you phrased that bc, the thing is, interpretation is very subjective. you're welcome and allowed to interpret things however you want, but in EY&HJ's case, i feel like you'd have to work a lil extra hard to get to that point.

-> is Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship meant to be interpreted as romantic?

this one's easy bc no. objectively Not. the genre of No Home is drama and slice of life (and once upon a time, horror). even if they were to ever end up in a romantic relationship, that's not what the story is about.

when i ask myself what the author's intention is with this story, i'd say it's to (realistically) portray how a young person with trauma would navigate another young person's trauma. and showing how easy it is to unintentionally fuck it up for various reasons: lacking context as to what exactly said trauma is, generally not knowing how to navigate it, their own trauma getting in the way, lacking the necessary resources. take your pick.

think of it like "how should i carry someone else's baggage when i have my own to deal with?" while also keeping in mind they're kids; they often don't have enough experience to know how to help, and even when they know what the right thing to do is, they're not old enough to take (legal) action.

and especially, the most heart-breaking yet realistic thing, when you're just getting to know someone, you can't know everything about them. it's so easy to accidentally do or say sth that cuts or offends when it wasn't meant to. but when they've got their own issues, it's hard not to take it personally (eg. EY talking about HJ's parents without knowing his mom died not long ago in the beginning of the story).

-> what even is Eunyung and Haejoon’s relationship??

this one's so funny bc i have no idea how to answer and i'm convinced not even EY and HJ themselves would know how to answer. they're not really friends; they got off on the wrong foot and kept walking with two left feet way too much to call themselves friends. the things that pushed them together the most were the dorms (not anymore) and the same friend group (more or less since EY has multiple).

what fits them best i'd say is "the universe forced us together against our will and now we're stuck with one another altho we hate each other" (<- at least in the beginning) extended with the "misery loves company" sentiment. finding comfort in someone who gets it, even tho they only kinda get it but not really but it works out anyway except it doesn't <- THERE'S NO NAME FOR THAT *cry* they invented a new type of character dynamic smh (i've never read a pairing with so much (romantic) potential only to see them completely fuck up their chance so royally by the end of their interaction EVERY SINGLE TIME. like yeah, enemies to lovers whatever BUT NOT TO THAT LEVEL HOLY SHIT)

they've changed each other, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. they're compatible in the way they understand each other on a deeper level and incompatible in the way they don't.

...however...

this is how HJ thinks of EY: (and also what No Home is truly abt)

and this is how EY feels about HJ after EY found out HJ used to steal as well (aka that HJ isn't perfect like the stuck up bitch EY thought he was at first):

so...

<- -> EY's first impression of HJ was that he was looking down on him and sth like "does this guy have ulterior motives? or is he just that naive being so trusting?" until EY found out HJ wasn't that different from him. after that, EY started admiring HJ for still managing to achieve things in life despite the hardships he had to go through. the type of admiration that can easily (and sometimes does) slip into envy.

-

since the beginning, EY has helped HJ (or at least tried to) without him knowing. sometimes it worked out, sometimes not. most times EY tried doing sth nice for HJ was (from EY's perspective) in return to HJ trying to help him or doing nice things for him (which, again, sometimes worked out, sometimes not). EY was just paying back a debt to "this stubborn naive guy who keeps getting into trouble and butting into his business. gotta look out for this idiot or he might get scammed." (<- eg. when EY offered to get HJ's money back from his uncle)

he doesn't do it for credit or friendship or out of obligation, he's just doing what he thinks is the right thing bc he doesn't want to owe anyone anything. he can't accept people just genuinely being kind, genuinely caring and genuinely wanting to help. but he's been learning and slowly coming to terms with it.

-

<- -> HJ first wanted to try befriending EY despite not liking him bc, well, the guy did steal his wallet and stab him in their first interaction. after trying and failing at it multiple times, thanksgiving happened, and HJ started thinking of EY as his underclassman bc he realized EY's just a kid with issues and he should keep an eye on him (discretely bc EY hates pity).

-

with time HJ has come to understand EY better by going after him whenever he ran off and slowly realized that EY does mean well and has his reasons (as fucked up as they might be sometimes). but his mentality abt EY is still "i gotta push him in the right direction cuz he's my underclassman and i unintentionally got attached to him (somehow??)" (also bc he knows EY already gave up on himself so he needs a lil help to find his way again. also also bc he knows EY is lowkey suicidal and he's scared it'll be his fault if sth happens) <- his care for EY comes from a protective/nurturing (/possibly maybe guilty) place which started when he realized EY was just a kid^^. in other words, HJ still bothers with EY out of a subconscious sense of responsibility/obligation in a way (a good way tho. or at least a way that gets better)

see, sth i struggle with is if HJ thinks he has to or wants to or thinks he should or can't just not help/care for EY. i can't exactly pinpoint where the sentiment is coming from. his face is too blank for me to read sometimes T_T

-

to summarize: HJ is EY's goal, what EY wishes he could've been. and EY is HJ's 'responsibility' so to speak (bc 'burden' doesn't quite fit since HJ is there for EY willingly) -> EY has a positive opinion of HJ while HJ has a neutral opinion of EY (which is also gradually getting better)

note1: i think HJ's intention (maybe subconsciously) was to be to EY what HJ's upperclassman was to him. aka someone who's there when you need it and can help guide you. it would explain why HJ kept chasing after EY despite not really having a reason to and EY repeatedly rejecting HJ's care/help.

note2: i also believe the 'upper-under-classman' relationship dynamic fits them the best atm bc it also matches the way the story often singles EY out as he's the only second year (aka younger) of the 6 MCs.

-> Romance in No Home?

another thing i should mention is that No Home rarely leaves things open for interpretation. the deepest arguments EY&HJ had were always spelled out for us, to make us understand exactly what the problem was, and how there isn't a good guy and a bad guy. it's just two people with issuesTM.

from what we've seen in the story up to this point, i couldn't pick out a moment where i'd go "here! that's romantic! that's the moment they realized SomeThing!" yk

when it comes to romance specifically, i feel like a handful of opportunities were missed. there are scenes which could've easily been written trough a rosy lens but simply weren't.

exhibit A:

HJ was speechless bc "wow this mf really is actively picking a fight with an authority figure. i gotta make sure things don't escalate" not bc "hoLY sHiT hE's PreTTy. all his fangirls are on to something". however, this only becomes more clear when you keep reading the next few chapters, so i understand how you could interpret it as the latter.

exhibit B:

here they got so close and the moment was so deep bc "woaa he said he believes me. no one's said to me that before!". unfortunately, EY was panicking too much for it to mean something bc of the guilt he felt for HJ trusting someone so undeserving of trust like EY.

exhibit C:

this is maybe the closest we got to romantic between these two. i think this might be the only (or at least first) ever deep interaction between them that didn't end in a fight or misunderstanding. is it meant to be romantic tho? -> ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

-> what do i think?

first, full transparency: i went into reading this story fully expecting it to be a BL and for EY&HJ to end up together. but the more i kept on reading, the more i got the ick thinking about them being in a (romantic) relationship bc, at least from what we've seen so far in the story, their relationship would be so ToxicTM (which i personally don't enjoy reading).

as they are right now, i wouldn't want them to be together like that. like, honestly, you still can't really consider these two even friends; they just tolerate each other if the stars align correctly (altho, i'll admit, their relationship is gradually getting better!!). every big argument they had i thought "god, there's no coming back from that. i'd cut ties so quickly if was them wtf". i still don't know how they managed to keep on interacting, props to them ig.

there's a lot of unresolved issues between them. and a lot of resentment which would not bode well in a romantic relationship. the smallest argument would turn explosive and they'd be, at best, in an on&off type of relationship. they both have the power to break the other and neither would be afraid to use it. they have a lot of history together, which is not always pleasant, so if they ever were to go the romantic route, it would have to be a long way to go.

technically, i could see them in a romantic relationship if they both went to therapy first and talked out all the baggage they're carrying (both individual and shared). realistically tho, what i think will happen at the end of No Home is that either they never cross paths again after high school ends (which would absolutely break my heart Wanan pls don't), or they somehow (unintentionally) end up living together bc they both desperately needed a roommate to pay rent (which would be a hilarious fucking gag LMAO). just, HJ going to uni/work and EY doing his own thing (prolly an actor) while still cohabiting together; hanging out to watch a movie before bed <- (whether platonic or romantic being left up for interpretation)

<- -> in conclusion, from what we've seen up to this point, their relationship is mainly upper-under-classman; reluctant (maybe) friends who tolerate each other but also care (too) deeply. they've changed each other, sometimes for the better and sometimes for the worse. in some ways they're compatible and in others they're not.

all this being said, their relationship is improving and romance between EY&HJ is not impossible, just rather unlikely imo. but, again, interpretation is subjective and u're welcome to read their relationship however you want.

[florallylly]

Loved your Steve child model au, esp because it focuses on Steve making his looks part of his personality. I wish the show would go into Steve's injuries more. We know he likes the way he looks and is a bit vain about it. If they never bring up the demobat scars again, what was the point? Because realistically he would struggle with it. Even prior to that his face should be littered with scars, his nose should look a bit wonky. I would love to see him coming to terms with his new look and how he will act because of it. Like you said I feel like Steve thinks beauty is all he has, he doesn't think he's smart enough, all his has is his looks and charms but if that gets taken away who really is he? I know the show won't ever acknowledge Steve's trauma, we would be lucky if the neck scar is visible in s5 but man. Sorry for this rant here

THANK YOU SO MUCH. i have literally been ruminating about this concept for ages, mentally begging someone to catch my brainwaves and write it. but unforch... it hasn't worked. had to get my little brain worm out in the form of word vomit, BUT I AM SO GLAD YOU GET THE VISION.

like he's constantly looking at the mirror pre-stranger things to make sure he's always looking perfect but after billy and starcourt, he can't help but look at the imperfections on his face. i don't think he's stop using mirror TOTALLY but i feel like at a certain point, he'd consider his BODY his appeal.

i think that him striking out in scoops would just validate his feelings about his looks, and make him feel even more like a Loser because could he even trust his fallback anymore? and just the crushing low self esteem because he thinks that all he has is being pretty, and when he loses that, then what is he?

and my theory is that when he does modeling on the side after his parents cut him off, photographers also point out his flaws and some of them end up trying to cover up his scars with make up or take focus away from his face. but he continues on because he Needs the Money. and at least he still has something attractive about him.

WHICH leading to family video, i think that steve would try to change his mannerisms to purposely bring attention to his figure and emphasize what he considers his best asset. only for his thoughts to be validated because he starts getting dates again.

in my heart, i imagine that during this time, he is connected with a photographer who is looking for a model for their art exhibition. and gushing over steve's "unique" look and his "bravery" for continuing to be a model. steve feeling super uncomfortable bc he's so used to trying to bring attention away from his face.

and maybe that photographer focuses on his scars, inspired to tell a story of sorts through their photos. and steve's eye twitching because he feels like a specimen under a microscope, and the focus on his "imperfections" just causes him to spiral a little bit rather than builds his confidence.

and the demobats just take away the last thing he's been able to hold onto. they take away the last thing that could possibly give him value.

and YEAH the show so rarely shows the consequences of trauma, especially when it comes to steve. and it's such a shame that the scars seem to disappear at the start of every season. if season 5 shows steve with ANY scars, i would be immensely surprised (though i think i might not watch season 5...)

ALSO sudden thought: steve harrington's brain trauma leading to migraines, and the bright lights during shoots trigger them. but he's so determined to see this through and prove his worth that he soldiers through. he's popping as much tylenol he can, but he's cold sweating bc the pounding in his head is so intense. and every time he leaves a shoot, he's out of commission for at least a day afterwards.

and i respond to ur rant with a rant <3 BUT YEAH thank you for getting the vision...

[dream-to-be-frog]

I know this is going to be an unpopular opinion, but while I don't really think Pedro's a bad actor overall, so far I've been underwhelmed by HBO's version of Joel. They're trying so hard to play into the whole soft daddy aspect of Pedro's previous roles all because they want to make Joel more "likable". The way I knew this was going to happen when he was cast 🙄

so far it’s very interesting for me because there are some scenes where i’m like wow that was good others where i’m like. what was that.

i am enjoying the show, and i think pedro is doing pretty well but… i do agree? i’m trying to keep an open mind still but it’s like—

the crying last episode pissed me off a little. the joel in the game does not know how to identify a single emotion besides like, i dunno. protectiveness and rage?? i love that man but he is not emotionally intelligent. (the only man i love who i’d allow to be this way.)

by cutting out ALL the action i think they aren’t able to demonstrate how brutal joel can be. nothing about him in this show so far indicates to me that this man can single-handedly slaughter a whole hospital of fireflies like. it just doesn’t make sense

this version of joel is not only softer but he also can’t hold his own as well?? i like that they wanted to make him a middle aged man and not a tank and that comes with some limitations but ellie has probably saved him as many times as he’s saved her. my biggest complaint is that it seems like they’re companions because ellie doesn’t know how to travel west and has less experience. part of his considering himself a father comes with protecting her and getting protective of her. we literally don’t see that. i know they can’t have hella action scenes but i’d like at least a little bit of joel being brutal and a little unhinged bc that’s the whole point of his character—to show the lengths he’ll go to to protect her.

i’m not sure or not if the softness could be owed to pedro as a person in terms of casting, but i do agree they’ve taken away some of his gray morality. we keep hearing he killed people with tommy, killed innocents but nothing we see ever backs that up. part of what makes joel so compelling is that he’s objectively not really a good person, but he IS fundamentally human in a way that’s so relatable and logical that we forgive the literal atrocities lol

i started drafting this last week before the left behind episode but going into david next week, i think what’s going to make or break the joel thing for me is if he tortures those people trying to find where ellie is. without the torture scene i have no clue how the end will possibly make sense given what we know about him. and i really do think it’s more a thing of the script and the tv format (and only nine episodes!) not giving enough time to focus on everything much more than it is about the actors themselves (i think they’re doing pretty good, acting-wise—especially bella)

in some ways, i feel like the underwhelming feeling can some from the less drama. i get again why they can’t have too many fight scenes or whatever, but in some cases this really lowers the stakes and so it just feels less dramatic. even him getting rebar’d was so dramatic, and while i get that a normal person (not video game dads) can’t live through getting stabbed clean through, i feel like they could have still made him fall on something sharp but it’s much smaller and doesn’t go through his whole stomach? like i feel like there could have been some happy medium where it was realistic but also more dramatic and high stakes

i feel like i repeated myself a lot and i’m never good at drafting these things bc i just spit out words and don’t think about it but. i DO think it’s very enjoyable to watch, even if i think some things weren’t done quite as effectively. the way i’m thinking about it is that more than anything, this show is just a supplement to the game, as a little bonus feature. the game will still be there, as perfect and glorious as it always is.

[cherubdulce]

HI AGAIN!!! ok so admittedly delayed my watch for dis.venture but im at ep 5 now and honestly im so?!?! holy shit? the writing is so mature and realistic, like usually i dont feel bad if the eliminated character leaves but i actually got so... hurt?!!? even if i knew theyre gonna be voted off but the emotional impact they gave me made me actually hurt for them like omg? like i did not think i would actually feel so bad for grett after that phone call. everyones not a jerk... theyre all so human..... theres still so many good details i didnt mention but im sure we can agree its so good

i guess its the perfect time to say how LOW my jaw dropped when fiore did that whole 180 snap in personality - she showed her true colors AND IM HERE FOR IT. SHES SUCH A VILLAIN BUT I SUPPORT HER GIRL WRONGS AHSKAFSAFSA AT LEAST FOR NOW. i was actually so sad learning that drew got out quickly (i liked the way they written his mute trait :< it reminded me of red wwiwiwi) i like him now but i will miss him fr....

ANYWAYS IM NOTICING THE DEVELOPMENT IN TOM AND JAKE'S RELATIONSHIP AND I LOVE THE BUILD UP, IT FEELS SO NATURAL AND GOOD. THEYRE SLOWYL GROWING ON EACH OTHER IM SUCH A SUCKER FOR THAT DYNAMIC SNIFFNSNIFFFUEUEU

i dont wanna keep this message long but its. its so good im having fun hehe :}} ALSO DAN STILL SURVIVES I WAS CHEERING FOR HIM SO HARD I DONT WANT HIM OUT TOO EARLY WAAAAAA im developing a soft spot for him ueueue sniff sniff

LONG REPLY !!! BE AWARE I APOLOGIZE FOR HOW LONG TJIS IS JIL

WIWIWIW OMG DONT FEEL BAD .. IM ACTUALLY SO HAPPY YOURE STILL CONTINUING IT!!! I’m surprised honestly. YEAH DISVEN.TURE CA.MP does such a GOOD JOB in writing realistic emotions and situations into their characters compared to tot.al dra.ma. It keeps going forward and gets more divided whenever it shows a situation that’s supposed to “pick a side” but it really isn’t for that case. YOULL UNDERSTAND ONCE YOULL CONTINUE BC THERES SO MUCH DRAMA IN THE LATER EPISODES.

THEY NAILED THE SUSPENSE ON THE ELIMINATIONS EVEN THO SOME OF THEM ARE PREDICTABLE? I was really sad when drew got eliminated too because of how well they portrayed a mute character— (I didn’t know red is also mute,, that’s so cool…) also what I like about the series with their representation as well 😭 I’m relieved you feel bad for Grett even tho she can be mean but she’s literally playing the game so I can’t BLAME HER as much (same goes to Fiore). For me, Grett’s development through the series is by far one of my favorites as it progresses (and one of my favorite characters) .

IM GIGGLING OVER OVER THE REACTION ON FIORE’S TRUE COLORS. She’s veryyyy messed up (I COULD NOT GET OVER HER BURNING ASHLEYS AND NICKS STUFF JUST TO FRAME LILL THAYS FUCKED) but also plays the game very smartly. She’s such a freaking gremlin I love her so much 💔

THE BUILD UP ON TOM AND JAKE IS SOO SWEET TO WATCH I LOVE HOW NATURAL THEIR LOVE STORY AS IT PROGRESSES IM glad you like those goobies ahaha 🫶🏽 IM HAPPY YOURE STILL ROOTING FOR DAN AHAHAH he’s just a special “just a guy” dude and I love how he plays the game fairly and use logistics 😭💕

[roobylavender]

there was a rumor/possibility going around on twitter of rpatz getting a robin in the next movie and everyone and their mama was raving for it and while this could potentially go okay, i have my doubts in reeve’s ability to properly portray their dynamic and at worst it would delve into bruce yet again being portrayed as emotionally negligent/abusive dad and further perpetuate misconceptions about batman and robin😭

i say abuser because while i dont think battison would ever lay a hand on a child like that personally i dont think hes even remotely close to being capable of handling a child’s emotional needs, he barely realized he cares about alfred and it took him blowing up to do so.

whenever someone on twitter said as such that pattison is not remotely ready for a child everyone and their mama was like well now is actually the perfect time because dick could teach him how to be more mature emotionally and draw him away from the dark. like do you hear yourself thats emotional abuse. relying so heavily on a 9 year old to process your feelings for you is just going to end up hurting the child

omfg i remember seeing people say that i felt so fucking crazy like jennifer lawrence meme what do you mean. what do you meaaaaaan lmfao my biggest, biggest problem with rpatz batman is the fact that he is an utterly infantilized character. everything has to be taught to him like he's completely stupid and can't think for himself unless reality or someone willing to yell slaps him in the face. it's such an insult to the character and frankly to the initiative behind bruce's decision to take dick in like yes obv that portrayal has changed wildly in tone over the decades but at the root of it is nonetheless bruce caring and wanting to take in this child to help him. bruce being awkward at first bc he doesn't know how to take care of a child (esp if we're faithful to ages and assume he's only a wee ways past his mid twenties) is realistic but the point is he would at least try. rpatz batman wasn't even capable of trying all he did all the damn time was brood

[malepresentingleg]

A little late after the episode but I do have some (over 1k worth) thoughts on BMF and how they handled the whole sex thing that I need to let out before I even go into the tag.

I'll say this show has been very pleasantly surprising the last few episodes, and I was quite impressed with how they handled and addressed very real queer experiences - if it's Pisaeng's beautiful journey with the gay bar, his mom's "acceptance", and the beautiful beautiful rally with the wonderful speakers discussing queer struggles and more.

That's why I had a tiny bit of hope for an asexual Kawi following his comments about sex (can two people who date never have sex? YEAH!), but I wasn't holding on to it very much because I'm a realistic not delusional leg :') So as much as I LOVE this idea and think it could have been very interesting and important and a great opportunity to explore asexuality and relationships - I will write here under the assumption that Kawi is allo and is meant to be sexually attracted to Pisaeng.

One of my least favorite tropes in bl is "the blushing maiden"- where one character really pushes the other into intimacy and the other is avoiding it. If two characters are in a relationship- let them both be interested in each other!!! (uwma and between us are two of my least favorite bls from those I watched bc of that. Bad Buddy is probably my favorite because they show the mutuality of the relationship very well). Some examples for it being done well are MSP - they're BOTH shy and both do want it, they're just kids. When Tinn asks for kisses Gun is flustered and Tinn does it in a teasing way, and very much respects Gun's wishes. Not to mention, he ends up being even more shy.

I think the most similar to what BMF seems to be trying to show would be The Eclipse. Akk is extremely repressed. He's full of self-loathing and internalized homophobia and every time Aye pushes it's to help him be able to do what he wants without needing to admit it. Credit is definitely due to First's superb acting skills because he's effortlessly able to show the audience how much he's torn inside, how much he's very much into Aye, how he WANTS to touch him and be intimate with him, but he's scared and has a lot holding him back. Of course it's not perfect but it didn't give me the ick as much as uwma did, and not as much as BMF did too.

Which brings me to Kawi and Pisaeng.

Pisaeng made this beautiful journey for self-acceptance and embracing his queerness. We as the audience also know how easily things could have turned different and he would marry Pear without even coming out! So we know how much of a struggle it was, and it's reasonable to think- still is, for him to accept his attraction to men. I think that is part of what makes this dynamic between them so jarring - I want to celebrate Pisaeng's confidence, he's being sweet and romantic and giving his bf positive attention in an unapologetic queer way - but then the way Kawi reacts to it makes me also wants to hate it, to feel like Pisaeng is pressuring him and being predatory, demanding without consent.

But it's not what happens. Because of everything I mentioned about Pisaeng, and because he's charming and cute and has been through all that, I find myself "rooting for him" (why are there sides to be rooting for???) and thinking man Kawi is annoying! Didn't he say he's into Pisaeng?? Why can't he show it too, make him feel loved and wanted like he deserves? But that's a mindset I don't want to fall into.

But what I'm missing to feel more sympathetic towards Kawi is what I found in MSP and in The Eclipse - show me he does want it but he's scared, he's not ready, he's shy, anything! But now what I'm getting from him is that he doesn't actually like Pisaeng at all, and all that changed was their official status.

I was very excited for the chat he had with Max (a little bit because he really did sound like an asexual there and I had hope), because up until now he had very good advice and gave great queer insight.

I loved how he talked about his experiences, and said that yes, sex is an essential part of his relationships but - I was so sure he was gonna say it's different for everyone, that Kawi shouldn't do anything he's not ready for and that he should talk to Pisaeng about it.

Instead, when Kawi said he doesn't find sex to be that important in a relationship (ace Kawi! ace Kawi!!), Max kinda shamed him with "well you're a virgin so you don't know", and basically told him "you're gonna do it eventually so might as well now, you're lucky it's with someone you love". Which is kind of a horrible advice IMO. Another approach they could take is tackle why it is that Kawi is so reluctant, discuss his internalized homophobia that still makes him perceive gay sex as wrong and how he can get over it and embrace this part of himself. But the reasoning for him to do it being "just do it" ugh. No thanks.

Another direction I thought it might take and I would have been happy with is Pisaeng maybe apologizing for pushing and expressing hid sadness that Kawi doesn't want him or isn't into him or something like that, and Kawi would then explain and express how much he DOES want him but he's just not ready. ANYTHING. to make me believe Kawi is into Pisaeng and not just forcing himself because he's told he needs to.

The amusement park analogy was a bit on the nose - if you don't try the rollercoaster it's like you haven't really been here = if we don't have sex our relationship doesn't count. Which, ouch. But yeah "it's ok if you're scared, I'll be with you and hold your hand the whole time".

I was a bit surprised they ended up not going, and then again at the car with the roof, but after further thought I realized it was - Kawi saw Pisaeng respects his wishes and doesn't actually cross his boundaries and so he trusts him enough by the end of the episode. Still, the fact they had sex felt... wrong. After Kawi spent the whole episode being scandalized by anything touch related, his conversation with Max, him being scared shitless to find lube, the theme park and then the dinner - the transition to having sex felt lacking. Them just having sex without any sort of discussion about Kawi's reluctance, talking about how it's actually both of their first times (I assume? at least with a man), how it's ok to take it slow.. Idk, Kawi couldn't bear KISSING Pisaeng up until this point, so now they're having sex? It made it feels like he's forcing himself which is the last thing I want for their relationship. I want to see them both wanting each other :')

There were some great highlights like Kawi staring at Pisaeng in bed or calling his mom but for me it wasn't enough to make me feel like their relationship is built on mutual attraction.

[cosmicdream222]

im literally kicking myself in the foot for not doing something more worthwhile with my existance... i never knew of manifesting until recent years and while society likes to say its never too late sometimes it feels like that is it too late cause to learn any skill you have to have already learnt the techniques then have good practice abilities on top of it, like you cant just waltz into a sport for instance and take a gold medal you have to do it step by step but to do that again im fucking regretting so much rn cant i just bash my head into a wall and slowly die? or music for instance cant just pick an instrument and be good at it right off the bat again shouldve just fucking picked something and stuck with it

also i never had the likes of tiktok or anything internet for entertainment when i was a kid so in a way it shouldve been perfect chance to really do smth but as always situations got in the way and im regretting existing a lot rn. like why so many ppl so good at their niches or whatever it is they choose to do and theres so much more available now than there was back then but i cant seem to pick a single damned thing that i could realistically do at my age and still feel accomplished bc id just end up feeling behind or regretting not doing it sooner

sorry for ranting abt myself there just if only there was time machine or a literal realistic way of shifting to another damned reality cause this aint it like why im wasting so much of it doing fck all? it should be shameful honestly but like at the same time its kind of impossible with current economy being so crappy

for instance if u want to own a business (which i would do if i could even afford one with my own money but then u got to ha e the job and the know how on running it) seriously my ancestors had so many more things that were successful in their lives and some did have businesses bc shops were affordable back then, education used to be affordable too and housing etc etc. id be more inclinced to then have a family of my own if that were the case but it is not soooooooooooooo then its like even if you want a bog standard job it can still take months just to get something basic. i once did manage to manifest a free bus ride and my teacher not coming to college for a few days but thats abt it. other than that lifes kinda average sadly its not the 1950s and elvis is still dead asf.............. not fair

the other thing that puzzles me and sorry for making this so long but if we are supposed to have had past lives a) why havent we known about it before now and b) how come some celebs dont reincarnate or do the celebs that pass away just get a free pass to heaven and decide to stay put? (in which case i wont blame them but its also not fair that i have to still exist... or fail to exist i should say)

My dude, I understand where you’re coming from and I have been where you are. But you say you wish there was a way to travel back in time or shift realities - there IS a way to shift realities, travel back in time, and live whatever kind of life you want. Seriously. That is the whole reason I created this blog!! So please read through all the information I’ve collected instead of just complaining ok? 😭

All of that stuff you mentioned about your current reality is an illusion. Time is an illusion. It does not matter what you’ve done in the past. The economy does not matter. Your present circumstances do not matter. Past lives only exist if you believe they do.

Look around tumblr at void, loa and shifting success stories. I have shared many of my favorites. People in very difficult circumstances have regularly completely change their lives overnight, wake up in new houses, shift to alternate realities, change their genders, change their ages, bring people back from the dead, to say the very least.

None of it matters because we live in the literal matrix - a VR simulation - and you can have anything you want NOW.

[strqyr]

In V7 when Ruby had her panic attack / anxiety fit when Salome mentioned Summer and we saw how her mental image of Summer was now upset / in distress and she fell to the floor. Do you think that was just. Im not sure what I’m trying to say. It was symbolic of course bc I’m sure actual Summer isn’t just standing in a field. But do you think she collapsed due to stress? Like she was so overwhelmed with grief and fear and her eyes activated as if she were trying to save Summer, like she didn’t activate them on purpose it happened as a reaction to what Salem said. How did you interpret that moment I guess is what I’m asking?

with the added context of V8, i think that scene, specifically the change of scenery and mood of summer, and ruby's reaction, is to show that the super idealized image of summer, of this perfect huntress, that ruby had gets knocked down a little... or a lot.

in V6, the image of summer that ruby has, it's straight up gorgeous. it's bright, happy, and it allows ruby to use her powers successfully. and at the time, ruby would have known already that summer's disappearance and presumed death had something to do with salem, but she would have also thought for it to be more like what happened with maria; i.e. summer was on a completely normal (if secret) mission, and salem's minions found her and that was that.

in V7, salem happens, and what ruby is saying in that moment is that they know salem can't be killed, but they don't have to kill her to stop her, and they will stop her.

...and then salem drops the bomb that summer said those same words to her, and that she was wrong too. and suddenly, it wasn't a regular mission gone wrong, it was an apparent suicide mission that summer went on alone, never telling anyone what is was really about because they would very likely try to talk her out of it, that ended exactly how you'd think it would.

and i don't think ruby's about that. like, that doesn't fit her image of what an ideal huntress is like. sure, ruby takes risks, sometimes huge ones, but they're not at "try and fight an immortal being, knowing they're immortal and that they've hunted down your kind before" level. and more importantly, i really don't think ruby would ever take those kind of risks, because she's not allowing others to do so either (penny) and she fully believes her friends need her, and she can't be there for them if she's dead.

and it's no surprise ruby thinks that way, because on top of all that, this is a child who lost their mother at a very young age. before, there was at least the comforting fact that her mom died being a regular huntress, and doing what's right—sometimes, bad things just happen, y'know, especially in this line of work—but now? her mom decided to leave her to grow up without her, to do something incredibly stupid, knowing how ridiculously risky it would be, and it ended just about how anyone could have predicted had they known beforehand.

to quote 'red like roses part ii': "you were the one i needed, and you left me as i always feared you would."

so ruby breaks down. her ideal image of summer changes to something a lot more somber and perhaps realistic, and because summer has always been The Goal for ruby, what a huntress should be like, she has to re-examine what kind of a huntress she wants to actually be now, because that Goal is not looking so good right now and is getting kinda torn down, bit by bit.

[prisonguards]

I am sending this ask because I need something to distract me while I am out of internet so feel free to ignore, or delete this. So hi! It's the person who mentioned the smallidarity life series partners thing and I am being pushy by just saying it now LOL

I think if they teamed up for a series, it would start with them finding each other and Jimmy wanting to team. Joel would light heartedly half joke about how he'll do it but only to show he's clearly the Superior player in the series bc he will be the first to MAKE SURE Jimmy doesn't die first as his partner.

They'd build a base together and Jimmy would be dragged into conflict after conflict because Joel likes to cause problems but Joel will come running to help him if HE causes problems too even if he's "late" (he was there as soon as Jimmy called) and complains about needing to save Jimmy from himself afterwards.

They are both loyal, but I think Jimmy is more loyal in the sense that I don't think he'd be capable of betraying Joel or hurting him in a way that matters while I can imagine Joel choosing to betray Jimmy but ONLY if it will garuntee him a win or at the very least something as valuable as a life when he needs it. [Joel is attached though. No matter what, he'd be so very attached despite his best efforts not to be.]

Jimmy dies first. I know Joel was the reason for at least one of Jimmy's deaths. Whether he lost his final life because of himself or because of Joel doesn't matter. Joel will be upset either way, and he will kill whoever caused Jimmy's death directly. And if he did it to himself, then he will kill whoever took any of Jimmy's other lives as revenge. He'd be a lone wolf for the rest of the series and while he may make an alliance of obligation with other reds or other non reds, he will never be loyal or attached to them like he was Jimmy.

Every episode he does without Jimmy will be spent making jokes about him while also simultaneously missing him and admitting to it on the very rare occassions. I don't think Joel would win but if he did, it'd be bittersweet I think. He won, he's happy, he kills himself to join his little buddy in the afterlife.

OH PLEAAASEEE. my internet was. SO BAD when I got your ask and I prommy I tried to answer it SUPER enthusiastically but it got eaten. twice. because of the bad data and then I forgot to answer it when I had better connection cause Im so scatterbrained. AND THEN I got back from vacation and got swamped with work and couldnt finish replying but seriously I could nawt want anything more. Life Series Smallidarity is my evvvveeeerything they mean. SO SO SO fucking much to me. you and your thoughts are ALWAYS ALWAAYYYYYSS so so so fucking welcome here in my inbox. PLEASE.... I adore them

ALLLLLL OF THIS IS SO GOOD AND SOOO REAL. you know them Perfectly. this all feels so so real. I need this more than anythiiing next season. I really do. I just MMMMNNGNMMMNG. you got them so perfect Im gonna SOB. I think they would meet eachother First again too. Like Joel is the first player Jimmy sees all season, and yup. they do their whole spiel where Jimmy asks something of Joel but this time Joel accepts it— its only to prove hes so much better than everyone else, than Scott and Tango and the whole goddamn Southlands because hes the fucking best and hell keep Jimmy by his side and alive when they couldnt.

They really would cause. soooo many problems. Joel is. Always so annoying (endearing) and so fighty and shitty and when Jimmy gets a little touch of confidence and ego hes SUCH a shithead too. theyd talk their way into a lot of problems theyd have to fight (or cowardly scurry) their way out of.

dunno if this is as realistic/in character but thinking abt Joel being the first red name again, or an early one. through either his own overconfident idiocy or. even. semi on purpose so he can be a violent mess. but they ignore the red rules and him and Jimmy stay allied. maybe Joel claims he keeps attacking Jimmy and trying to chase him off, but its not working. Jimmys too stupid (read; too loyal) to keep his distance. just the vibes of that 3rd Life era red x yellow/green allyship combined with Joels insane longevity and threat level as a red name in Last Life.

anon. anon I am speaking directly into your ear you have no idea how insane Joel post Jimmy death makes me. Joel expressing his loss and mourning through vengeance even if its (at least partially) his fault OOOOOOOHHHH. OOOOH OH. you get HIM and you get ME. the joking about him in his absence intercut with genuine care and missing him. when he does that it drives me CRAZY it would be even more batshittttt if they were direct allies

HE WON... HES HAPPY... HE KILLS HIMSELF TO JOIN HIS LITTLE BUDDY IN THE AFTERLIFE.... ANON YOU BROKE MY FUCKING HEARTTTTT. I think a Jimmy first dead and a Joel win while theyre allied would be INSANITY it would be PEAK thematic yumminess. especially with Joel being responsible for taking one of Jimmys lives. oooooh you have to sacrifice what means the most to you to win. this is a cruel fucking game and only loss and sacrifice and loneliness wins it for you.

anon you have made me do something drastic. help.

HELP

(I have started a traffic smallidarity PMV)

anyway silliness aside youve really got to the heart of why they would be suuuch a powerful and heart wrenching team and why I love traffic smallidarity so much. all of this is so real and canon feeling because so much of it has. happened before. even with them being only loose allies and there being. so little content technically. theres just so much potential there and if they were teamed it would be amped up even more and absolutely destroy me. anon I have been rotating everything you said and the traffic smallidarity possibilities in general in my head since I got this, youve really made my week (SORRY FOR TAKING SO LONG I HATE BEING BUSY,,,,) and you really have such an excellent read on themmm, this is why traffic smallidarity is still my fav and what got me crazy abt them. augh. me when theres Them.

[godofsmallthings]

my speak now tv vault track/overall impressions are under the cut if anyone wants to read! wrote these right after listening for the first time :) they got long (a girl has a lot of feelings about speak now! who would've thought)

• electric touch!!!!!!! this is such a cute song omfg. i love the way she writes about love as fire so much (and i think it's interesting considering another common motif she uses is love as a religion...hm. anyway.) if i had to guess when this was written it would've been closer to the beginning of the process bc fearless taylor's sensibilities come through a lot. i can see why they cut it bc it's so similar to sparks fly in concept. i LOVE THE FOB FEATURE.

• when emma falls in love: "little miss sunshine always thinks it's gonna rain" & other incredible one liners!!!!!! OH MY GOD THE BRIDGE. I KNEW I WAS GOING TO LOVE THIS ONE. i understand why they cut this one bc it's not explicitly personal until the bridge and it is speak now after all. even though i think "when emma falls in love i'm learning" (or whatever it is) is a bit of a clumsy lyric, the sentiment is soooooooo dhsksjshdhjdbd. like of course she was looking to her friends and being envious of their relationships going well based on what she was experiencing. it's a beautiful companion piece to btr and little speak now honestly, and i think the themes of comparing yourself to other women on this album are super interesting and relatable.

• i can see you: OMFG DHSGSJDGSJHDKSHSKVDJD UP AGAINST A WALL WITH ME?????? I LOVE HER THIS IS SO FUNNY AND SO FUCKING GOOD WTF. obviously we all know why they cut this. the professional business vibe is so funny like girl why do u want a business man. unfortunately my brain went straight to emily poe bc the gaylor pathways run deep. where was this song 4 months ago. ANYWAY. i'm so glad she let this one bejeweled bc horny teenager music is kind of unmatched. i love her for this.

• castles crumbling: okay nothing new precursor!!! i have a feeling this will be a grower for me. the arrangement/production reminds me of an overly cheesy song that would play during the credits/climactic moment montage during a movie? idk. idk how i feel about it but it certainly is in line with the sound of the rest of the album (haunted, long live). i can't quite tell if she's writing about hypotheticals or if this is stuff she already experienced. the "power went to my head" is so interesting because like. bbygirl u were a kid of course it was going to do that. idk. i thought the second verse was stronger. i think the castles crumbling imagery as an explicit ending to the fairytale themes coming from fearless is a little too on the nose. least fave so far but could def grow on me.

• foolish one: this is SO CUTE. i love this one so much. i'm convinced that the last chorus at the end (her lower register sounds soooooo good there but we all knew that) was something she added retroactively. it feels like present her talking to younger her which is so sweet (but also 😵‍💫). an excellent more realistic thematic companion to little speak now i think. she's so good at these sweet upbeat countryish songs and i will happily take them every time. (edit: "you are not the exception" is a "the only exception" reference, no?)

• timeless: IT'S NOT A TAYLOR ALBUM WITHOUT AN OUR LOVE IS FATE SONG!!!!!! the historical fiction nerd in me is obsessed with this one. THE ROMEO AND JULIET/LOVE STORY CALLBACK IN THE SECOND VERSE??????? OKAY LITERARY GENIUS. the instrumentation is so lush and perfect and the subtle horns are soooooooo nice. it might be recency bias but i think this is my favorite one.

overall I thought it was really interesting to see which songs she cut and how two of them were seemingly because they were too "explicit" in some ways. let baby taylor be horny on main!!!!!!!!! it's really interesting to compare castles crumbling to long live and see how those fears about fame turning sour for her were already very present. it gives more context to the long live bridge imo. overall none of these have like recontextualized the album for me in the way the red vault did (or feel like they were touching on missing pieces of the story ig) but they definitely added some more color to certain themes. i am trying to not think about how i can see you could easily be about jm. overall i'm happy with the speak now album we got but i'm obvs also very glad to have these songs <3

INNOCENT IS COMPLETELY PERFECT. SOOOOO GOOD.

i always forget how much i love country taylor <3

[rose-and-lemongrass]

Okay I'm trying to be chill about the fact my computers busted and I can't edit sooo here's my favorite horror films I watched in 2023!! So far, at least, I'll update if I find some more great ones in the next month. These are in no particular order.

Talk To Me (2023) LOVED IT. I was genuinely really really stressed while watching it. Honestly give me a character I like and put them through the ringer and I will be invested. I REALLY wanted Riley to make it. I know some people don't like the end but I did. It's a very existential and depressing ending but I thought it was fitting.

Sissy (2022) This is a super super underrated movie. Barely any discussion of it all online. I thought it was incredible; it perfectly nailed what it feels like to be in a social situation you know you don't belong in. I felt called out several times. Cecilia is a really fascinating character too, and I loved the social media aspect.

Creep 2 (2017) I couldn't believe how into this movie I was. It's basically just two really weird characters manipulating each other (with one being way way way more successful than the other) and it's so wild to watch. I liked the first Creep but the relationship here was so fascinating. I almost feel like this movie would have been better as a standalone bc we as the audience know that Aaron is a serial killer. It would be fascinating to be like Sara and not know for sure. Either way though, I loved it, I hope they make a third one.

Terrifier 2 (2022) Dude I LOVED this movie!! Controversial opinion maybe but I thought it was fantastic. Sienna is such an amazing character, Art the Clown was on his A game. I weirdly resonated with the family stuff (i got emotional at points) The special effects were great. I know it has a reputation. And it has earned that reputation. I have found no one I can comfortably show this movie to that I trust isn't going to be horribly traumatized. Which sucks bc when I saw this in theaters I got like. Sexually harassed. And I dont want it to happen when I see the third one. I wish I had a buddy I could take. But regardless every time I watch it I have a blast, and I really wanna make a video discussing this series soon bc I have so many thoughts!!

Halloween (1978) Yeah everyone was right this movie is awesome. I'm totally going to add it to my halloween watchlist every year.

Candyman (1993) Yeah again it's really really good, everyone was right lol. Really dragging my feet on the remake bc honestly this movie is basically perfect.

Cube (1997) I always thought I'd like Cube. And I did. It's really weird and psychological and cool. I watched it like 11 months ago so I don't feel like I have a lot to say right now, but I just remember how much I was invested while watching it and how much I gushed about it after I finished.

Deadstream (2022) Honestly this was most fun I had with a movie all year. I was dying laughing the entire time. I've watched it three times and I sent the opening scene to everyone I know. It's just a very funny and very spot on parody of YouTubers and I love it

Fresh (2022) I don't love the abrupt ending but the rest is basically perfect. The levels of performance during the dinner scene OH MY GOD. And it's a really fun and disturbing exploration of how terrible dating is and I appreciate that a lot.

Hereditary (2015) This movie hurt the entire time and I loved it. Toni Collette's performance is the best I have ever seen, I am actually furious she wasn't nominated. Her screams man, they are haunting. Also really realistic dream dialogue I pegged right away it was a dream bc that's exactly how people talk in my dreams. This is a movie with a lot of layers and something about it resonated with me, especially after the terrible terrible year I had.

Midsommar (2019) I vibed with this one hardcore. I think its just weirdly cathartic to see someone in a bad social situation get accepted while the person who put them in that situation gets rejected. Again because of the terrible year I had. But also its bad that that happens! Like its creepy how easy it is to be taken in by a cult. I also didn't feel the length at all I was very very invested the whole time. My friend Emily absolutely hates this movie though lol

Trick R Treat (2007): I didn't find it scary at all. But I vibed with it. It just FELT like Halloween, and some of the stories really really worked for me. Particularly the werewolf one and the one with the zombie kids.

VHS (2012): This is entirely because of the Amateur Night and 10/31/98 segments. I love those segments to death, I've watched them over and over. I still haven't watched Siren (the full length Amateur Night adaption) but I am so psyched they kept the same actress. She was an absolute star I'm planning on watching it entirely for her.

It Follows (2014) I know I can't keep saying I vibed with these movies but I did. I love the dreamlike quality, the ambiguity, the idea behind the monster is actually one of the most terrifying things I can imagine. Even if you get rid of it there's a chance it'll come back to you so you're never safe. Certain sequences were really really cool. Also one of the best jumpscares of all time in this. Like I don't even like jumpscares, they never get me, but this one did! Also I adore the opening sequence and how it's complete nonsense until you rewatch it and realize what's happening.

Infinity Pool (2023) I went in completely 100% blind. It was a wild ride that's for sure. I said "oh fuck me" full volume at one point if that tells you anything. Honestly I have nothing to say about the plot but the feelings this movie evoked in me were intense. Really good movie for someone who secretly hates themselves and is scared that everyone around them does too, I guess, because it captures that feeling perfectly.

[infinitelytheheartexpands]

in honor of today, what are some Stiffelio headcanons??

okay so i love this question!

weirdly, i actually don’t think i have a lot of headcanons? i don’t know, most of my thinking about this opera falls less into the world of “headcanons” and more into the world of “analysis of themes and character development” (as this post makes evident). nevertheless, i *do* have a few things that maybe could be headcanons, so without further ado:

-first off, i am firmly convinced that stiffelio is autistic or at least some sort of neurodivergent-coded. tell me this man is neurotypical. tell me. you can’t. *

-stiffelio and lina fell head over heels for each other at first sight. because of course they did. but love changes, of course, and as shown in the opera, they both really struggle with understanding and weathering those changes.

-lina and raffaele first met each other at the wedding reception. stiffelio introduced them. raffaele never got over her despite (and also probably because of) his fuckboy tendencies. lina had no interest in him.

-while realistically both in the world of the opera as is and in more modern equivalents, i *know* lina likely wouldn’t have an actual job (or at least not one outside the church), i absolutely love the idea of her being involved in some sort of multifaceted creative profession. either as an artist/art restorer specializing in religious art or as a writer/editor. something about working with the past while also turning these things on their heads and creating something new from it. that just feels so right for her, and somewhere in my head that makes a thematic parallel between her and her husband.

-lina is left-handed. some people talk about this being the mark of the devil but she thinks it’s absolutely ridiculous, except for a very brief period of time around the events of the opera when she wonders if that might actually be true, if that really means she will forever have the devil within her. (she has to learn that she will never be perfect but that’s alright. she is trying to be good. she is good.) lina never makes an effort to do things with her right hand instead—what’s the use? *

-count stankar never feels truly forgiven for killing raffaele. or for any of this. he has serious trauma. he dies not too long after the events of the opera.

-arguably the most important headcanon of all: while the opera makes no mention of what happens to our leading duo after the curtain falls, i DO believe that ultimately they get back together and they make their community a more truly loving place and they live happily ever after. it’s hard but i believe they can do it.

(oh also stiffelio and lina never have kids because lina doesn’t want any but they become the BEST older second cousins to all lina’s cousins’ kids.)

*edit to clarify: “but savannah if everyone thinks lina has the devil within her bc she’s left handed then what about stiffelio being neurodivergent” a) look not all kinds of neurodivergence are immediately obvious, b) stiffelio is neurodivergent in a way that helps him be better at his very highly specific job, and c, and i cannot stress this enough: he is a dude.

(also not all neurodivergences and such were seen that way by all people. not even back then.)