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hermannsthumb · 3 years

Note

I know you don't usually write PRU stuff, but if you ever feel inclined, here's a ficlet idea! so: Newt is trying to fight off the Precursors by constantly reminding himself that He Is Human. but whenever newt thinks about what makes him Feel Human, the answer is always hermann. so newt starts conjuring up vivid mental images of hermann (doing mundane, hermann-y things) to ward off the Precursors. bonus point if, like, newt fondly remembering smth innocuous (like the scent of Hermann's chalk dust?) is enough to actually sever the alien mind control.

Anonymous asked: Maria!!! Would you ever write an angsty post uprising prompt? Or even a pre uprising? Anything with Newt fucking around with Kaiju and being sad i am HERE FOR 👏

in honor of the sequel’s 3 year anniversary, let’s try something a little different 👀 THIS ONE GOT AWAY FROM ME RE: LENGTH....I'll leave it up to interpretation whether or not the bonus is wholly fulfilled.... also on proofing this I realized it might need content warnings? so vague refs to disordered eating and alcohol drinking (ie, newt’s body is inhabited by aliens who forget how human stuff works)

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Honestly, Newt’s life has been kind of a shitshow lately. He’s too, like, high strung. Too many responsibilities. Not enough hours in the day to get that shit done. He’s even higher strung than he was during the war, which is nuts, because certain doom was lurking around every corner. Maybe that’s why it’s not that nuts, though. The war was chaotic—and Newt’s fueled (or, used to be fueled?) by chaos. The kaiju were unpredictable. The kaiju didn’t run on a 9-5 schedule. The kaiju didn’t expect Newt to have three new jaeger prototypes on their desk by noon on a fucking Saturday, which is usually the day Newt spends two hours in his expensive bath tub and drinks a nice bottle of wine, and definitely not a day he wants to spend giving himself a stress migraine and shouting at underlings to make themselves useful. On top of that, his usual cafe got his coffee order wrong—when Newt had to run in to get it, himself, on a Saturday morning—and it only had half the espresso shots he really needs for the day. No wonder he’s going grey at forty. Fucking nightmare. Stable employment is exactly the kind of chaos that’s bad for Newt—give him the kaiju any day, thanks.

“Dr. Geiszler?”

Newt pushes his sunglasses up, and scowls at whichever one of his employees has dared to interrupt his catnap. The fluorescent overheads are brutal on his poor eyes right now. The lab needs more natural lighting. Maybe if he complains, they’ll knock out some walls in put in a few more windows. “Did you find any Aspirin?” he says.

Wordlessly, Newt’s assistant passes him a bottle. Newt pops the cap off and takes at least four. The coffee he washes it down with is cold. “How are the last simulations coming along?” he says, flicking his sunglasses back down. He seems to have so many migraines these days. It’s the contact lenses, he thinks—making the switch over from frames so late in the game. Screwing with his perceptions. Newt went thirty years with frames, after all. “We only have two hours before—”

“We’re almost done,” his assistant cuts in. “We’re working as fast as we can, Dr. Geiszler.”

“But are we gonna make the deadline?” Newt says.

She fidgets, and moves her clipboard to her other arm. “Well—we’ve had some—issues.”

Newt stands up with a long sigh. Double overtime, probably. Sunday lost to this shit too. That new bottle of wine waiting for him on his kitchen counter bought for nothing. “Gotta do everything myself, huh? Unbelievable.”

He follows his assistant over to the main lab down the hall, where his team of j-techs are hurrying around. Hardly anyone in proper lab attire—no labcoats—someone in sweatpants—Newt wasn’t the only one who had his Saturday ruined, probably. No one else is going grey, though. “What’s this shit?” he says, stopping in his tracks with one foot through the doorway. The high-tech holo-smartboards have been pushed aside, and instead, someone’s wheeled in a huge…chalkboard.

“Technical issues,” his assistant says. “The other floors are having the same problem—something in the new interface update that downloaded last night, we think. They’re all out of commission. Technology is working on it, but for now, we had to pull that out of deep storage.”

Two of his scientists are scrawling across the board quickly—one with white chalk, the other with pink. They’re debating something in hushed tones. Newt hasn’t seen a chalkboard in years. It doesn’t fit with Shao Industry’s whole chic, sleek, futuristic aesthetic. So—bulky. And messy. “Of course it would happen today of all days,” Newt sighs. The sight of it makes him feel odd, and he can’t seem to drag himself any further into the lab and any closer towards it.

His assistant says something. Newt doesn’t hear—he’s listening, instead, to the squeaking of chalk across the blackboard. So noisy and obnoxious. It reminds him of years and years ago, of working in a grimy little basement, of…

“—look it over. Dr. Geiszler?”

“Hm?” Newt says. It was like a layer of fog had begun to lift from his thoughts, but the interruption sends it rolling right back in.

“I said we’re ready for you to look it over. Only if you want too, of course,” she adds, nervously.

“Uh-huh,” Newt says.

Newt’s never had anyone fear him before, not like his employees seem to fear him—he’s not sure he likes it. His scientists shut up the second he looms over (well—under, Newt’s never loomed over anyone in his life) their shoulders to inspect their work so far. The squeaking stops. One of them lowers their piece of chalk. “Wait,” Newt says, too-loudly, surprising them and himself. They both look at him with the same nervousness as his assistant, like he’s about to start shouting or something. “Keep doing that.”

“Keep…?”

“Writing,” Newt says. “On the chalkboard.”

The scientist frowns at him. “Um, okay,” she says. “What am I supposed to write?”

“Anything,” Newt says. “Seriously. Anything.”

She hesitates.

“Anything,” Newt repeats.

She picks up the white chalk, and writes out her name, then doodles a few random pictures—a DNA helix, a flower, a cat face, a star. Newt shuts his eyes, and breathes in deeply. That smell. He snags the forgotten piece of pink chalk from the ledge. “Can I have this?” he says. He doesn’t wait for them to respond—though they both nod yes frantically, and bewilderedly—before writing out his own name on the board. Dr. Geiszler. It looks wrong, so he writes Newt beneath it. He shuts his eyes, and writes Newt again. Why does he feel like he’s done this sort of thing before? This thing is ancient—before his time at Shao—he wouldn’t have used it before they carted off to the basement. Newt, Newt, Newt Was Here,he writes, Newt +, and then he stops.

He opens his eyes. “Who’s Hermann?” his assistant says.

Newt + Hermann. Newt didn’t realize he wrote it. “Someone I knew,” he says, faintly. “Years ago. He was my—” He swallows. He feels strange. “My colleague?”

Strange. Dizzy. The Aspirin isn’t working. Definitely the contact lenses. He could afford laser eye surgery now, if he wanted, maybe he should look into it. He grips the ledge of the chalkboard, swaying, and grits his teeth; his two scientists back away from him slowly, no doubt worried he’s about to hurl all over their shoes. He might, to be honest. Newt + Hermann. Hermann was his colleague. Hermann was his— “Are you feeling okay, Dr. Geiszler?” his assistant asks. “You look…”

“Tell Shao I’m taking the rest of the day off,” Newt says.

“What?”

“You guys got this shit handled without me,” Newt says. He pockets the chalk. “I’m not—I’m not feeling myself. I think I need to go home and lie down. Seriously, you’ve got it under control—all these numbers look, uh, good, I trust you. If you guys don’t get it finished you can just tell Shao it’s my fault, okay?”

She gapes at him. “Uh,” she says. “Okay?”

Newt doesn’t go home. He goes to the nearest shop he can find instead, and makes a beeline for the art supplies aisle. Only a few boxes of chalk in stock. Four multicolored, two all-white, one yellow. He drops them all into his basket but the yellow, which he rips opens and immediately smells. Newt + Hermann. Hermann always smelled like chalk dust—he always had a fine layer of it on his clothing, patches of it on his blazer, his sweatervest, even on his undershirt. Newt used to tease him for that. He closes his eyes, and breathes in again. Funny—all those baths, all those bottles of wine, and this stupid little box of chalk is what’s finally making him feel calm for once. Quieting down his brain. He didn’t realize how loud it’d gotten in there. When Hermann would kiss Newt, he would sometimes stain Newt’s clothing with chalk, too, and Newt would pretend to be annoyed, but he never really was.

Someone is speaking to him. An employee. They’re staring at him, a cautious distance away, and Newt’s not sure what they’re saying.

His vision’s gone blurry—he didn’t realize he’d started crying, either. He wipes his eyes on the cuff of his blazer and sniffles. “Sorry,” he says. The box of yellow chalk is wet. “Um. Do you have any more of these in the back?”

He takes the bus home for the first time in years, one hand stuffed in his little brown shopping bag the whole time, wrapped around a box of chalk. When he gets back to his apartment (his big, lonely, apartment), he pulls out the only food in his fridge—some leftovers from a Shao Industries event three nights ago—and settles down on his big, lonely couch. He can’t stop thinking about Hermann. Five or so years, maybe more, not thinking about Hermann, and now suddenly—it’s like the floodgates have opened. He thinks about Hermann’s haircut. (Bad.) He thinks about Hermann’s smile. (Silly, and sweet.) He thinks about Hermann’s dumb accent, and the clack of Hermann’s cane on the floor, and Hermann’s chalk squeaking over his chalkboard, and how it felt when Hermann would wrap him in his arms and kiss him and whisper things to him. Hermann’s sweaters always smelled like mothballs and stale cigarette smoke. Terrible combination.

Newt’s stomach growls. He’s finished the small bit of leftovers without realizing, and is apparently still hungry. He would kill for some sushi takeout right now. Or pizza, God. Yeah, it’d be screwing with his new diet and fitness plan—he casts a guilty glance over at his brand new exercise bike, which is gathering dust in the corner by his TV—but he’s tired of doing stupid kale and juice cleanses or whatever, just to please—well. He’s only human.

He is?

He walks up the stairs to his bathroom, and stares at himself in the mirror. Stupid vest. Stupid tie. Neat hair, clean-shaven cheeks, contact lenses. Newt’s only human. “I’m human,” he tells his reflection. Is he human? He felt human standing by that old chalkboard back in the lab, and holding that box of yellow chalk in the aisle of that little shop. He felt human when he was remembering things. Because of—Newt blinks at himself. Because of whom?

“Hermann,” he says, and smiles at the way the name makes him feel. He should text him, maybe.

-------------

“I must say,” Hermann says, “I was quite surprised when I received your dinner invitation. You’ve done a rather fine job of ignoring my calls as of late. I’d thought— Ah, thank you,” he adds, as Newt holds the door open for him. He steps into Newt’s apartment and cranes his neck around, squinting curiously, and then shoves a bottle of red wine at Newt’s chest. Hermann is much more personable than Newt remembers—what little Newt remembers—and he wonders if it’s age or something else. “I’ve been holding onto this one for a while. It’s the one you gave me as a part of a gift for my thirty-seventh birthday—you remember? Oh, but isn’t it so terrifically, er, modern in here.”

“Is it?” Newt says. He’s never given much thought to his apartment before, but he stares around at it now in mild interest. It is very chic, isn’t it? Monochrome. Impersonal. Not something Newt would’ve picked for himself. “Yeah, I had some interior decorators come in and do it for me.”

Hermann arches an eyebrow. “How…”

“Modern,” Newt offers. He puts the bottle of wine on his marble kitchen island. “Thanks for this, by the way, but I’ve actually been trying to cut back on the—” He bites back drinking. No need to alarm Hermann. “—Calories, so if it’s cool with you I’d rather not open it. I’m doing a, um, a new fitness program.”

“Ah,” Hermann says. “I suppose that explains that, then, doesn’t it?” He points at the dusty exercise bike. Newt watches his gaze move from that, to the barren leather couch, to the short staircase which leads to Newt’s shut bedroom door. Newt can practically see the gears working in his head. “Will—ah, what was their name, that little flight of fancy of yours—a dalliance, one might say—will they be, ah, joining the two of us?” He looks at Newt out of the corner of his eye. “Alice, was it?”

“Who?” Newt says, blankly.

Hermann breaks out in a broad grin, which he quickly tries, very badly, to turn into a sympathetic frown. He pats Newt’s arm. “There’s the spirit, then, Newton! All in the past, I presume? Hardly any use in dwelling on a broken heart. Then again—it’s not as if you were together long enough to warrant those sorts of dramatics, were you?” he says, cheerily. “What I mean is—certainly it wasn’t as if you had any sort of deep or emotional connection with—?—oh, I’ve forgotten the name again.”

“Uh,” Newt says. He’s not really sure who Hermann’s talking about, but just based on that fact alone, he would assume Hermann is right. “I guess not?”

“Precisely as I expected,” Hermann says, with a satisfied nod. “Rotten grounds for a relati—for a fling. You deserve far better, Newton.” Hermann touches Newt’s arm again, and this time, he doesn’t move his hand. It makes Newt’s skin prickle pleasantly. “You look well these days, though I admit it’s a bit of a shock to see you without your glasses,” Hermann continues, flicking his eyes up and down Newt twice. He lingers on Newt’s left hand, over the bare spot where—until this morning, when he suddenly realized how stupid it looked and yanked it off—he was wearing that Elvis ring. “Ending things must be treating you kindly. I don’t suppose I could dash to your loo?”

“Loo?” Newt says. “Oh, right. Yeah, it’s that door there, right off the living room.” He drops down onto the leather couch. “Knock yourself out. I’ll be right here.”

Hermann disappears into Newt’s bathroom, and comes back out three minutes later with combed hair, a straightened collar, and the vague smell of cologne. He’s tucking a small bottle into his top pocket. “I found a box of hair dye in your medicine cabinet,” he declares, smugly. “I knew there was no bloody way that was natural. Though I’m not surprised it fooled Alice.” He rests his cane against the glass coffee table and sits down next to Newt. Right next to Newt. The whole sofa to pick from, and he’d rather their thighs touch. Newt doesn’t mind—actually, the contact is strangely grounding, like Hermann’s hand on his arm had been earlier. He’s here, in his living room, with Hermann, his friend Hermann, his colleague Hermann, his—well, question mark—Hermann.

“Hermann, can I ask you something?” he says. “Something important?”

“By all means,” Hermann says, leaning in and fluttering his eyelashes. Even over the cologne, Newt can still make out that mothball-chalk-smoke smell.

“Do you take your coffee with sugar?” he says.

Hermann laughs. “Do I—what?”

Newt repeats the question. The smile slips off Hermann’s face, and he draws away, furrowing his eyebrows. “Well,” he says, “yes, usually, only I’m not sure what—”

“Sugar, and some milk,” Newt says. “It was the same with your tea. And you had a mug that you would use—you wouldn’t use any other. It was blue, and it said—” He exhales through his nose. “It said TU Berlin. That’s where you got your PhD.”

After Newt sent Hermann a text about dinner last night, he sat down with a pen and pad of paper and made a list of everything he could remember about Hermann. He started with what Hermann looks like, and who Hermann is, and then moved into the harder stuff like what Hermann likes and the sort of things Hermann used to do. He stayed up all night doing it, until his hand cramped and his head hurt even more than it had that morning, and then recited it over and over to himself in a whisper as he fell asleep. Hermann has brown eyes. Hermann likes blackberry jam on his toast. Hermann wears little glasses on a chain. Hermann uses a cane with a tiny little nick in the brass of the handle. The list is in his pocket now; it makes Newt feel calm, and even calmer when he reaches into his pocket and touches it. He exhales again, hard, and then inhales. “We were together,” he says. “When we closed the Breach, you told me you loved me.”

“I did,” Hermann says, quietly.

“I said it back,” Newt says.

Hermann nods.

Slowly, Newt reaches out and puts his hand over Hermann’s. Hermann makes a strange noise in the back of his throat—like a sigh, or maybe a groan. His pulse twitches erratically under Newt’s fingertips. “I bought chalk,” Newt says.

“You—” Hermann echoes, his voice choked. “You bought chalk?”

“It reminded me of you,” Newt says.

He’s not surprised when Hermann kisses him, but he is surprised at his knee-jerk reaction: to pull away, or push Hermann away, and to order him to get out of his apartment. He’s surprised, because those aren’t his thoughts. He doesn’t want Hermann to leave—he wants Hermann to stay longer, and kiss him more, and help him remember more. “Oh, Newton,” Hermann says. “Newton, Newton—” He moves his mouth to Newt’s neck, kissing, breathing, and whispering his name, and Newt shuts his eyes and forces himself to remember his list.

“Tell me things about you,” Newt begs. “I want to remember you.”

Hermann’s laughter, hesitant and confused, comes out in a puff of hot air against his skin. “Remember me?” he says. “I’m not sure— Are we not a bit—?”

“Hermann,” Newt says.

He grips the back of Hermann’s sweater, digging his nails in Hermann’s skin through the layers of fabric. Hermann must hear the urgency in his voice, because he shakes his head with another laugh, kisses Newt’s jaw, and says, “Well, alright. What am I even meant to tell you?”

“Your favorite color,” Newt says. Hermann kisses his chin. “Your favorite song. No, wait—” He nudges Hermann away from him, just enough so that Hermann can see him smile. “Tell me what you like about me.”

“Feeling rather egotistical tonight, aren’t we?” Hermann teases. He reaches out and brushes his fingers through the side of Newt’s hair. One of the spots Newt dyed—it was too grey. He catches Hermann’s hand by the wrist and pulls it away gently, but only to press himself up against Hermann’s chest instead. He can feel Hermann’s heartbeat. “I like—hm,” Hermann says. “I like your stubbornness. I like your passion. I like…”

His voice vibrates in his throat—Newt can feel that, too. He listens.

#newmann #maria's fanfiction tag #if Alice was a real person her picture would be on Hermann's dartboard #it probably is anyway #Anonymous

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ilovefandoms102 · 4 years

Text

Part 6-Shape of My Heart

Pairing: Rudy Pankow x Plus Size Reader

Summary: Falling in love with someone you can never have is the worst feeling in the world...

Taglist:

@jeyramarie @drewswannabegirl @teamnick @jiaraendgame @agirlwholovescoffee @outerbongs @jaxxandcomet @velyssaraptor @baby-pogue @they-write-once-in-a-blue-moon @must-be-a-weasley-92 @kaitieskidmore1 @ma10427 @ifilwtmfc @lasnaro @justcallmesams @judayyyw @lonely-kermit @gviosca @iamaunicorn4704 @jellyfishbeansontoast @fernweh-fangirl @runway-to-my-aid @eb15 @hurricane-abigail @tangledinsparkles @fandom-phaser @sunwardsss @http-cherries @bibliophilewednesday @evaporatedrosepetals @thetomatosaucee @tomatosauceagent @redosmo @ilikealotofpeople-younotsomuch @obx-direction-sos @mxltifandoms06

Part 5 Part 7

Note: Big shout out to my friend @jeyramarie for helping me edit this! She’s the best, make sure to go check her page out! I’ll be putting out more prompt requests tonight as well!

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The girls decided to take me out shopping, wanting to get out of the house for a little bit. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t avoiding Rudy after the events a few days ago, our almost kiss still engraved thoughts into my brain. There was more to the story than what I provided the Maddie’s and Mo with the other day...

Let me provide a bit of back story:

I was 11 years old the first time I was called ugly. I had developed a crush on one of my cousins best friends, asking him if he could possibly give me his number. When I asked why he wouldn’t he said ‘you’re ugly and fat’. I was struck with sadness, crying the rest of the day. I hated the way I looked from that moment on, no matter what I wore, how I fixed my hair, or how much makeup I put on...I still felt ‘ugly’.

Then came High School, the years of broken hearts. I stupidly fell for the senior bad boy, falling into his trap. I had finally mustered up the courage after about 6 months of us texting and hanging out to admit my feelings for him. He shot me down immediately, saying that he ‘wasn’t ready for commitment’. I was crushed, putting off boys for good.

My freshman year of college, I met a boy named Nick. He was my age, and we worked at the same retail establishment. Nick did some damage, scaring my mental mind. We became good friends, having the same personality and liking a lot of the same things. A few months in, he started to express romantic interest in me. He would hold my hand, call me cute nick names, play with my hair, and ya know stuff that would make anyone think a guy is interested.

I had told one of my co workers about our situation, her advising me to shoot my shot. I had planned on telling him that night how I felt, until he came and found me before I had got off work. He told me that he never felt any romantic way towards me, that it was all a game to make the fat girl fall for him so that he could crush my heart. I was floored by this, wondering what I could have possibly done to deserve that.

When I met Rudy, I couldn’t help but fall for him. His natural sense of humor matching mine made me feel things I didn’t think I could ever feel again. I pushed away those feelings however, it wasn’t worth the risk. I didn’t want to ruin our friendship because of a silly crush.

=======================================

I was startled from my thoughts when Rudy appeared to my side out of nowhere, taking my hand in his. I smiled as he intertwined our fingers, waving out locked hands back and forth dramatically.

We shopped ‘til we dropped, Chase now starting to complain about agreeing to come. Our stop at Sephora was the best though, the boys walked in with confused looks on their faces. Rudy trailed behind me as I walked each aisle, picking up random stuff to ask me what it is.

“Baby, what’s this? Why does it look like a marker?” he inquired, holding up eyeliner.

“That’s eyeliner, that’s what I used to do this.” I explained, pointing to my winged liner. An employee came up to us, both of us turning to smile at her.

“I just have to say, you two are the cutest couple.” she grinned.

“Oh we’re not-” I started, my eyes widening.

“Thank you very much.” Rudy said, grinning at her.

I eyed him as she walked away, rolling my eyes at his cute grin. He hugged me from behind, kissing my head soundly. I giggled, pushing him away playfully. I walked up to the counter, laying my stuff on the counter. I was digging through my purse for my credit card when I heard the telling sound of the receipt printing, looking to see Rudy putting his wallet back in his pocket. I glared at him, thanking the cashier as we walked away.

“You asshole, that was probably $100 worth of shit.” I huffed, digging out some cash to give him.

“I wanted to buy it for you.” he stated, shrugging his shoulders. I tried to hand him the money, but he ignored me.

“Rudy,” I snapped, shoving the money in his back pocket.

“Woah babe! If you wanted to touch my ass, all you had to do was ask.” he winked, smoothly putting the money back in my purse.

“Do not buy me anything else, I mean it.” I said firmly, stomping out of the store.

“We’ll see about that.” he smirked, holding the door for both of us.

==================================

I had bought a new outfit for the house party we were having tonight, actually feeling confident in myself for once. I had bought a lilac cropped halter top and paired it with some ripped jean shorts, topping it off with some white and black Adidas sneakers. I touched up what makeup I was wearing, Maddie B and Mo coming in. I smiled at the couple, twirling in my outfit for them.

“Dang girl look at you!” Mo cheered.

“Y/n, you look STUNNING!” Maddie B gasped, her hands crossing over her heart.

“I’m happy you pushed me out of my comfort zone, I feel pretty for once.” I said bashfully, my cheeks flushing from their compliments. Maddie C poked her head in, her eyes and mouth popping open.

“Oh my god y/n! Rudy for sure is hittin’ it tonight sister!” she praised, coming over to hug me.

“Oh please,” I scoffed.

“I saw how you guys acted today,” she raised her brow.

“He was just being friendly Mad,” I sighed.

“Who’s being friendly?” Rudy asked, the girls piling out of the room the second he came in.

He walked further in the room, his eyes widening when he took a full look at me. His gaze burned my skin, feeling it crawl over every inch. I looked down at my feet, shuffling them as I couldn’t take the heat. I felt my face burning, no doubt red as a tomato.

“You-....you look-” he stuttered.

“Bad?” I asked.

“God no! I...I’m speechless.” he laughed.

“Did little ole me make THE Rudy Pankow tongue tied?” I taunted, his cheeks beginning to match mine.

Rudy came closer, taking my hand in his. He held it up so I could twirl, a low whistle coming from his lips. I giggled, beaming at the man in front of me. He pulled my arms around him, his going to my hips. I felt the tension in the room rise as we gazed intently into each other’s eyes.

“You look amazing, beautiful.” he whispered, his blue eyes sparkling.

“Thank you,” I murmured, tilting my head down.

“Hey, these shots are going to drink themselves!” JD yelled, causing both Rudy and I to cackle.

I was a few shots in, feeling a bit tipsy already. Rudy had talked me into being on his team in beer pong, facing off against Chase and JD. I hesitated only because I hadn’t played since the last time I saw them.

“Babe come on please!” he begged.

“Yeah BABE!” JD said dramatically, earning a glare from Rudy.

“I guess it won’t hurt for me to give it a go.” I caved, picking up the ball.

We were in the middle of the game when Elaine walked in with Drew and Austin, my mood dropping slightly. She hugged everyone hello, saving Rudy for last. He side hugged her while she threw herself in his arms, both of them stumbling slightly. They laughed as they pulled away, and she laid a sloppy kiss on his cheek. I felt my heart crush a little, turning back to the game.

Rudy and I won surprisingly, double high fiving with the winning shot. The girls were tired of the boys, so they stole me to take me to the designated dance floor. Since it was just us girls, I let go, and danced without a care in the world. Elaine entered the room, sending a glare my way. I already had so much to drink from the shots and beer pong, I didn’t even pay attention to her.

Rudy entered the room, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth. I saw him do a double take, staring right at me as I danced. I smiled, winking at him. His mouth dropped, taking his cig out. I turned my attention back to Maddie C who had until now been my dance partner, Chase having stole her from me. I pouted as she mouthed an apology, but I soon felt a presence behind me. Rudy pulled me flush against him, his eyes a shade darker than normal.

He turned me around so that my back was to his front, rocking me to the beat. Tension was thick in the air, our bodies sensually moving together. I got a wild hair and pushed my ass harder against him, a grunt being heard from him. I giggled, pretending like I didn’t know what I did. He gripped my waist tighter, his fingers digging into what skin was showing.

“I’ll be right back,” I spoke, smiling as I walked away towards the bathroom. I walked to the bathroom in my room, reapplying some lip gloss. I fluffed my hair a little, and adjusted the girls to make them pop a little more.

I was looking down as I walked out, adjusting the pockets of my shorts when I was suddenly pinned against the wall. Rudy stood in front of me, his eyes wild as he stared into my eyes.

I gasped when he smashed his lips to mine, my heart soaring through the roof. This was my first kiss, and I got to share it with Rudy. I followed his lead, moving my lips with his. I assumed I was doing alright since he hadn’t pulled away yet, hands starting to explore everywhere. He touched his tongue to mine, and I hesitantly copied his movements.

Our movements soon picked up, the kiss becoming more heated. Teeth and tongues fighting to discover every inch of each other’s mouth. I had to pull away, becoming dizzy from the lack of air. Rudy moved his mouth to my neck, kissing the skin there. I moaned quietly when he bit down on my skin, leaving his mark. He smirked against my skin, taking his tongue to sooth the bite.

“Oh my,” I panted, gripping his shirt.

“You’re so pretty baby, I love this little outfit.” he said, running his nose up my neck and pulled back to face me.

“Rudy, what-” I started.

I didn’t get to finish since his lips came back to mine, silencing my inner thoughts. He walked us back towards the bed, sitting down with me in front of him. His hands grabbed at my ass, grinning when I let out a shaky breath. He pulled me sideways so he could flip on top of me, crawling up the bed with me. I reached out to grab his face, feeling the slight stubble that had formed.

It was when his hand reached under my shirt my inner thoughts came back, my eyes popped open.

What was I doing?

Was I going to give myself to Rudy?

We’re both too drunk for this...

This can’t be real...

He doesn’t even like me, what the hell was going on?

“Wait,” I breathed out, his hands stopping immediately.

“What’s wrong? Did I hurt you?” he asked, his eyes worried as they met mine.

“What is this? Wh-why did you kiss me?” I questioned.

“I thought that was obvious...I-I really like you, like a lot.” he confessed, scratching the back of his head.

“No, y-you can’t possibly...I-,” I stuttered, shaking my head vehemently.

“What do you mean no? Baby, I’ve given you every sign known to man that I like you. Do you...do you not feel the same?” he muttered, his eyes full of distress.

“I-I can’t do this.” I croaked, pushing myself off the bed.

“Wait y/n, please don’t go.” he pleaded.

177 notes · View notes

hopeswriting · 3 years

Text

Modern AU (Adult!)Arcobaleno on socials media though. While Flames and mafia are definitely still a thing.

Now I’m by no means well acquainted to all the different popular socials media, but here’s my humble take:

Reborn on Instagram.

He only has pictures of Leon first and foremost, with him in the background in one of his ridiculous but very well-made cosplay. Leon of course also wears the same cosplay as him.

He never shows his full face in any of the pictures, but just enough his followers know he’s handsome as fuck.

The artists/photoshoppers among them regularly put the pieces together to see how he could look like, but in a funny-and-obviously-purposefully-wrong way only.

Reborn loves them and saves them all.

------

Once in a blue moon he does post a picture of himself where you can see him clearly all dressed up and fancy, and then immediately deletes it.

But only after he’s sure it has been seen, so he can watch his followers lose their shit while drinking a nice espresso.

They try hard, but so far none of them managed to save any of the pictures before he deletes them.

------

Often there’s what suspiciously looks like blood stains on their clothes and straight up dead bodies lying in the background, but Reborn went so passive-aggressive with the few who dared to ask, everyone is too afraid to ask now.

Anyone who badmouths Leon in any way is instantly blocked. But only after Reborn ripped them a new one AND let his followers do it too.

Skull on Twitter and Snapchat.

He tweets the most random, out of nowhere, highly worrying things, that always sent his followers in a frenzy trying to figure out why the fuck he would think of any of this in the first place??

“aren’t you ever tried of your solid, rigid, restrictive bones? don’t you want to just be Luffy from One Piece, a rubber being that can shape themself in whatever way they wish?”

or:

“nobody ever tells you this, but the stress of picking apart melted leather from your burnt skin before it heals is VERY worth the adrenaline of making fire your BITCH”

or:

“is it REALLY illegal if you break in and eat the food but leave money behind??”

------

That’s just his Twitter only followers though.

The ones on Snapchat have the privilege to watch him stumble head first step by step to his tweets, and are actually very involved and active spectators that keep him out of jail, or killing himself, or killing someone else.

Skull, recording a video, halfway stuck in between two buildings: What’s up guys, there're these guys following me and trying to kill me, quick tell me what bones to break so I can fit in there.

see also:

A picture of Skull crouched in front of a body, posing, that says: don’t worry guys we’re just faking, but hypothetically, if you were to hide a body as quick as possible from here without being seen, what would you do? #hypotheticallyseriousanswersonly #hypotheticallythecopsaremaybeontheirway #quickanswersappreciated

Verde on Facebook.

He creates a public group with only him as member that’s basically his scientific diary.

It’s not really to invite intellectual challenging debates (though he’d be all for it if someone smart enough showed up), but he figures it’s in his best interest to make the world a less dumb place if he can.

It finds his public, though there’s only a few comments because god forbid you say something dumb or inaccurate and Verde fucking annihilates you in the comment section.

But like, in a teacher way. Like he’s genuinely trying to make you know better but he’s just ruthless at it lmao.

Verde uses a fake name and a fake everything so there’s quickly a running joke along the lines of “Imagine if it’s really the genius scientist Verde running the group and you just outed yourself as a flat earther lol”.

------

But what gets the group really popular is the in depth flames theory involving weather of all things they have to assume he came up with it all on his own because they can’t figure out to save their lives what the hell he’s talking about?

And it makes them question their sanity sometimes because Verde talks about it like it’s the most obvious thing and in the context of just about every basic aspects of life.

Cue the conspirators and their hot new take of “the aliens were among us all along and hid themselves as the WEATHER!!!” that instantly turns into the new popular meme.

That, and the transcripts posts of Verde trying his theories that nine out of ten apparently involves very unwilling participants whose life are threatened and sometimes they straight up DIE???

------

They think both of these is just him fucking with them and it’s all fictional. They want to think it is anyway.

They’re not so sure, but everyone is too afraid to ask.

Colonnello on Snapchat.

70% of his content is about Lal because this man is so in love and it’s like he’s a guest on his own account lol.

There’s the “Pining Hard” content where it’s just him trying to seduce Lal, to romance her and asking her out, and Lal brushing all of it off more often than not.

His followers are very invested in this “old bickering married couple type of best friends in oblivious mutual pining” real live action slow burn fic, and cheers him hard whenever Lal reciprocates the tiniest bit.

------

They don’t know the two are already together.

They think Lal brushing him off or flirting back but in an unmistakably joking/”platonic” way is just her being oblivious and not taking Colonnello seriously.

When she would just rather flirt back off camera because it’s her private life thank you very much.

Colonnello never tells them because he assumes they all know and just choose to be in on the joke.

Lal finds it hilarious whenever she goes through his Snapchat (with his permission of course) to find numerous messages of encouragement, so she never says either.

------

But one day she kind of just steals a kiss from him while he’s recording because she wanted to, and his followers lose their shit.

Lal laughs herself to tears and laughs for days.

------

The other Lal’s related content is the “Lal’s loving hours”, where he just takes pictures of her/records her doing random shit---whether it's her making a disaster out of the kitchen, or wearing three pairs of socks because her feet are cold, or beating the shit out of someone---and him doing heart eyes at the camera.

------

Otherwise it’s just him living his life and letting them in on what happens.

There’s a lot of pictures because he’s handsome and he knows it and he likes the compliments aqsdfghj.

Or videos of him going on and on about how energy drinks are really the best drink ever while doing grocery.

Or ranting videos about how bullets wounds are such a pain to deal with and showing himself patching himself up to show how it’s done (thanks??!!??).

Or him watching series and roasting the characters for their dumb decisions.

Or him commenting in real time an assassination attempt on him in the middle of the night in his own fucking home because the fucker sure is ballsy (????!!!!!!???).

It’s very popular too because of how relatable it is.

Well, most of the time anyway.

Viper on Youtube.

They have a DIY type of channel, mostly about fashion---what they think about the new products/clothes they bought from their favorite brand, their thoughts on the new fashion trend, their makeup/skin care routine and favorite outfits for various circumstances, or they’re often on live while going shopping.

(I just really like Fashionista!Viper okay.)

They play videos games too, thinking they’re being very good while being very average to not say they straight up suck asdfghj.

Occasionally do reaction videos too.

------

Like Reborn they hardly ever show their face. Actually they don’t show it at all lol. They wear masks to do their videos because a hood is not very reliable.

How do they do their makeup videos then you ask?

They use "volunteer" as models of course.

And by volunteers I mean the Varia qsdftgyhjkl.

------

They also have another very peculiar brand of videos that is the most popular one on their channel. The titles of these videos include but are not limited to:

“A Due Payment Of Yours Is Late? How To Hunt Them For Sport”

“A Little Bitch Doesn’t Respect Your Pronouns/Chosen Name? Step By Step On How To Make Them Shut The Fuck Up Forever”

“How To Efficiently Remove Blood And Various Others Human Residue From Your Clothes”

“Faking Your Death And Taking On A New Identity: Step By Step Tutorial”

“How To Take Over Your Friends Brains And Watch Them Prank Themselves ft. The Varia”

Fon on Tumblr.

His blog becomes known as a shitpost blog or a blog run by a bot when really, everything he posts is about actual, very real events that happened in his life.

Except he vague posts every time because he really wants to keep his anonymity.

He posts about the hardships of learning more and more martial arts and staying at the top of the art, and sounds like some dangerous psychopath.

“The body is such a fragile thing, isn’t it? It tends to break quite easily unfortunately. You’d think I’d know that by then, but I really need to remember it more often so I can keep enjoying myself.”

He’s talking about how he always pushes himself too much in training and ends up injuring himself.

“Everyday I dispose of them and reasserts my superiority, and everyday they come back and it’s really hard to not hurt them beyond repair.”

He’s talking about how he’s often challenged by other martial artists who don’t like him being the best and how he always has to beat them up bloody for them to give up.

He also posts about his family's live except it’s the Hibari’s family live, and he doesn’t sound more sane of mind at all.

“I made the mistake of taking Kyo with me on my grocery trip and picked on his tell-tale signs of going through a bad day too late.

But fortunately the shop is still standing and no one was heavily injured.”

or:

“It’s so heartwarming to see Kyo make friends. The brown haired kid didn’t put much of a fight but the one with the pineapple haircut has potential.

He almost managed to stab him that one time, and I can’t wait to tease Kyo about it. He’s very cute when annoyed and embarrassed.”

or:

“Often I look back to the day Kyo got his tonfa and I am always infinitely grateful for this not-so-easy-to-kill-with weapon.

I would like for him to at least finish high school first.”

Yeah it’s very often about Kyoya lmao. And no one knows for sure what in the world a “Kyo” is supposed to be???

An actual human being is NOT the most popular theory qsdfghn.

Lal on TikTok.

I guess?? I’m kind of running out of ideas lol, and I know very little about TikTok.

But I’m thinking she makes a series of videos where she looks straight into the camera like she’s on The Office while some bullshit or the other happens in the background.

And it’s not even always her friends or coworkers or Colonnello (yeah he has a category of his own lmao).

As far as she is concerned everyone who chooses to be a fucking dumbass in her vicinity is asking for it aqsdfghj.

------

Also has a “Doing paperwork” series, and the later at night she’s doing it, the more she’s absolutely fucking done with people not being able to do their job properly without collateral damage.

She dryly reads out loud the highlights of the reports and goes straight for their lives lol.

But as funny as it is, everyone is more interested in the very questionable out of context content of these reports???

------

Also does workout videos, as in she demonstrates how to do this one or other exercise, and if these do particularly well it has nothing to do with how people want to look respectfully at her body, of course not.

ALSO has a “Colonnello’s Loving Hours” series because you better believe this woman is also so much in love.

She records him when he’s simply existing---whether he’s snuggling besides her while they’re watching TV, or dancing in the kitchen while cooking, or cleaning his guns---while looking at the camera with this tender, content expression on her face.

They become known as the Weather Lovers because boy, do these people like to go on about their favorite weather. Some shipping might even be involved??

It’s how their community introduces them to each other.

Cue even more chaos on their respective socials medias.

Viper’s video of their first meeting is the most popular one on their channel.

Yeah I know, I didn’t add the Sky Arco ladies, but I have no idea what they could do. Pinterest maybe? Or Vine? Dunno, they’re all yours guys lol.

#katekyo hitman reborn #khr #khr au #khr arcobaleno #khr socials media au #the mafia in general on socials media though #like you're undercover for some hit or the other #but isn't it fucking suspicious how alfredo and marco are always on the exact same location on the snapchat map??#or trying to keep your civilian loved ones in the dark #but they went through your mafia friends account and they talk about you in a very you're obviously not a civilian manner #or you're showing your boss a possible talented new recruit profile #and a message of his wife pops on screen that leaves no room to misunderstanting asdfghj #just the fact that it'd indeniably make their job so much harder #but no one would care bcause VALIDATION #anyway #mine

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hopesbarnes · 4 years

Text

Wildest Dreams

Based on the song Wildest Dreams by Taylor Swift.

Summary: Everyone said he was a bad guy, that he broke hearts. But maybe they were wrong about him.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Warnings: Curse words, SMUT, angst, fluff

A/N: I should be working on the two series I have right now, but I was inspired and this happened...

Everybody gave warnings. Said he broke hearts and left girls dizzy and confused. Your sister recited stories heard around town.

“I heard he got Dot pregnant, that’s why she left,” she stated over ice cream when he was spotted getting off his bike one day. He looked like the stereotypical bad guy. Leather jacket and ripped oil-stained jeans. Hair sticking up in every which direction, and a smirk on his lips.

“Based on what?” you asked snippily.

“Someone saw them in a car together headed out of town, and nobody saw her since then,” she replied half paying attention. You licked your ice cream and ignored her gossip. It was never anything real, just silly rumors that the girls spread.

She started another round of bullshit tales but having enough you announced you were going on a walk. Throwing out the finished ice cream, you secured your purse and walked around the building towards the park a mile or two away. Around the back of the building, he was in view again, a cigarette in hand and a phone in the other.

“Did ya do it on purpose?” you asked before pausing to recognize the words were spoken aloud.

“Do what?” He asked laughing. Realizing a hole was dug you continued on.

“This!” you said motioning to him. “The whole stereotype looks, it’s almost as if you’re asking for those rumors to be spread.” He was hysterical now. His laugh filled the entire alleyway and giggles fell from your lips in response.

“I guess I am a stereotype! Never really looked at it that way. The bike I just like, put it together myself. I wear the jacket as protection when I’m riding.” he said.

“Mechanic huh? That explains the oil on your jeans. The smoking though, I bet you did that to keep up with the image?”

“Definitely. Been wanting to stop, but how will they know I’m the bad boy without it.” A smile crept across your face at the joke.

“I’m Y/N.”

“Bucky,” he responded returning the smile.

“I was going to the park, wanna join?”

“Sure,” he replied stubbing out the smoke and following. “Ya know,” he said. “You look exactly like the stereotypical good girl the bad boy corrupts,” he stated motioning towards your outfit. Dressed in skinny jeans and a pink sweater with a collar sticking out paired with light pink vans it was true.

“Who’s to say I’m not already corrupted and just hiding it?” you asked walking beside him. He smiled and looked down and followed along to the park. The first of many dates.

He said, "Let's get out of this town

Drive out of this city, away from the crowds"

I thought, "Heaven can't help me now"

Nothing lasts forever

But this is gonna take me down

It only took a month for the whole town to catch on to the relationship. Every outing had someone whispering or pointing with snide comments. It didn’t matter that the ‘bad boy’ volunteered at the animal shelter. Or that he took his little sister to play dates. Or even that he had only been with one girl before you, a girl he didn’t get pregnant. A girl he helped go to rehab.

All anyone saw was his image, and from that, they gave him the reputation of a drug runner who slept with countless girls and ditched them the next day. Everyone thought he was ruining you, and it would end in hurt.

The talking was beginning to get to you, and he could tell. Anxiety across your face at the diner and barely talking on the phone that night. He decided a day away from the small town would help. He borrowed his friend’s SUV and drove to your house early the next day, with his little sister Becca in back. He texted announcing his arrival.

“Hey!” you greeted outside. A quick kiss was shared before greeting his sister. “Hey to you too miss Becca,” she said hi and unbuckled to give a hug.

“I know this place is getting to you, so Becs and I decided we’d go to the drive-in movie theater two towns over. Spend a day exploring and watching a movie tonight,” he said nervously.

“Thank you! I’d love to spend a day with my Barnes!” you exclaimed putting your bag in the back and climbing in the front. The drive took an hour and you and Becca talked about school. You loved Bucky’s little sister as your own and saw a lot of yourself in her. She was fierce and ignored what everyone said about her brother.

After arriving in the town, the three of you went to Brunch and ordered a mix of pancakes, eggs, bacon, and fruit to share. After eating you braided Becca’s hair and went window shopping. A few things were bought for the three of you, and things for your sister and mom along with Ms. Barnes.

Eventually, it was time for the movie and everyone piled into the back that was filled with blankets and pillows. Bucky bought popcorn and soda and agreed to watch the new Disney movie you and Becs begged to see.

As the movie went on, with you snuggled against your boyfriend your mind drifted. You hoped this relationship lasted. But even if it didn’t you knew it was worth whatever heartbreak you’d face.

He's so tall and handsome as hell

He's so bad, but he does it so well

I can see the end as it begins

My one condition is

A few more months passed, and with every day you grew more confident in yourself. Wearing the clothes you always wanted, and bright lipsticks. No longer staying quiet when things bothered you. You felt alive. It was all thanks to Bucky. He encouraged self-expression and encompassed you in compassion.

But it was getting hard. The whispers continued and the rumors were horrible.

“I heard he forces her to wear those outfits.”

“She’s only with him because nobody else wanted her.”

“He’ll get bored with her eventually.”

It was horrible. No matter how hard you tried to ignore them, their words filled your head and they would never understand him the way you did. Your sister kept questioning your decision to be with him, and it felt like the world turned against you. The fair had come to town and Bucky suggested a date. It was your favorite thing to do in Fall, and finally, there was someone to share it with.

He picked you up on the motorcycle, which had quickly become one of your favorite things. Starting with the rides you bolted, him barely keeping up. Clinging to him on the Tilt-A-Whirl and giggling as the Scrambler whipped around, it was so much fun. You went on a few more rides before going to the Ferris Wheel. Kissing at the top and it felt like you were in a teen rom-com movie. It was perfect. But like all things, something got in the way.

You couldn’t decide between funnel cake or cotton candy and Bucky suggested to get both. You split up to get the treats and got in line for the funnel cake. A woman a few years older stood in front of you. She turned to see you then looked forward again. She did it again before speaking.

“I can help if you need. You don’t have to stay with him,” she said calmly.

“What?” you asked confused. Was she talking to you?

“You don’t need to stay in a bad relationship. I know it’s hard being on your own. But you don’t have to rely on him,” she continued.

“Why- what? I’m in a great relationship. I don’t wanna leave him. He makes me happy,” you said starting to get irritated.

“I just want to help. Nobody deserves an abusive relationship,” she said reaching out to put her hand on your shoulder.

You flinched back, “Please don’t touch me. I don’t know you. I’m not in an abusive relationship, I don’t know where you heard that but it isn’t true.”

Deciding it wasn’t worth the snack you left the line and bolted for a place to cry without anyone seeing. Everyone in this town judged your relationship and that was hard enough. But now they thought he was hurting you? It was ridiculous.

You found a tree a few feet away that was hidden and slumped down. All the stares and snickers finally got to you. The tears started falling, and you let out everything you have been holding in these past months. You had makeup running down your face, and dirt-stained your clothes but you couldn’t seem to care.

It took Bucky 15 minutes to find you. He looked frantic, eyes panicked holding long-forgotten baby blue cotton candy.

“I-uh went to meet you and you were gone. I freaked. Are you crying? Fuck. What’s wrong baby girl?” He said rushing to sit beside you. You choked out what happened and leaned your head against his chest.

“Fucking hell, I can’t believe she said that. I hate this town so much,” he whispered rubbing your hand. You leaned closer to him, not knowing how much longer you could take the gossip.

Say you'll remember me

Standing in a nice dress

Staring at the sunset, babe

Red lips and rosy cheeks

Say you'll see me again

Even if it's just in your

Wildest dreams, ah-aah, haa

Two more months passed. You stopped going out to crowded places for dates. It just wasn’t worth it. Your phone chimed pulling you from your thoughts.

Bucky: Wear a nice dress, meet outside in an hour.

You looked at your phone confused, but abided and dressed in a flowy maxi dress. You put on red lipstick and finished getting ready. Before long you got a text telling you he was here.

Bucky was dressed in a button-down, his hair slicked back and he was grinning against the SUV he borrowed again. You’ve never seen him this nice, he looked absolutely sinful like this. You smiled to yourself, knowing he was all yours.

“You look… wow,” he said stunned. “I have so many words but none of them are appropriate.”

You giggled, “You’re one to talk! Who knew you could clean up so nice.” He smiled and shook his head bashfully.

“C’mon. God a good date to take my girl on,” he said proudly. He opened up the passenger door for you and you climbed in. Immediately, you went to change the music. He playfully pushed your hand away when he got in.

Anytime music was on it became a game. Him wanting something like AC/DC, and you wanting something more like Lana Del Rey. There were a few rounds of back and forth, but he eventually gave in and handed over the AUX cord. You leaned over, kissed his cheek and put on “Blue Jeans”. He laced his hand in yours and you sang along to the song.

You drove for some time before reaching a cliff-like area that overlooked the town. It was late afternoon, and he reached into the trunk and pulled out a blanket and basket.

“We deserve a fancy picnic, and this way it’s just us,” he said shyly.

“I love it,” you said kissing him.

The picnic went perfectly, and it was nice to be wrapped in a Bucky bubble for some time. But you knew it had to end eventually. Nothing good lasts.

As the sun set, you turned to him.

“If this burns to the ground. If they end up splitting us apart promise me one thing,” you said somberly.

“We’re not going to break up, not now. Not later,” he said stubbornly.

“Bucky,” you pleaded.

“Fine.”

“Remember me like this, dressed pretty and in love with you. With sunset in the background, and my lipstick smeared from your kisses.”

“You love me?” he said barely whispering.

“Yes, you goof. Now kiss me, my love.”

I said, "No one has to know what we do"

His hands are in my hair, his clothes are in my room

And his voice is a familiar sound

Nothing lasts forever

But this is gettin' good now

Despite being together for 8 months, you still hadn’t been together. Your last boyfriend tried to pressure you and it gave you a bad taste in your mouth when you even thought of sex. So you decided to wait. Wait until you found a guy who loved you for you, not who they wanted you to be. And you found him. He’d been a saint. Never brought up going further, and always asked when he put his hands on your legs or waist. He was the epitome of a gentleman, and you knew you wanted it to be him.

You had spent the day babysitting Becs with him. Watching Disney movies, making blanket forts, and baking a lopsided cake. It felt so domestic, and you could see it now. Years later with mini versions of him running around and a wedding ring on your finger.

You were back in his apartment now, and you told him you wanted him. He asked a thousand times if you were sure before moving you into his lap.

“Baby I love you, and if you want to stop at any time just let me know,” he whispered against your skin.

“Bucky, dear. Lovely boy. Stop trying to get me to stop, I want you. Just touch me for Christ’s sake!” you whined and moved his hands to your waist. He laughed, and the sound filled the room and crowded your head. God, you could get used to it.

He stood up and you wrapped your legs around his body. He guided you to his room and put you down long enough to remove his shirt and yours.

“Fuck you’re hot.” he groaned. “Know I should probably call you beautiful and compare you to a flower, but all’s I got is that.” Before you could giggle he had his lips pressed against your neck and a moan slipped out. He slipped his arms around your back and undid your bra, letting it fall to the floor. He took his time mapping out your skin and placing kisses across your chest.

You undid his jeans and pushed them down with shaky hands, and he helped steady them when you took your skirt off too. You slipped your panties down, leaving only his boxers separating you.

He moved you onto the bed and kissed down your body. He nipped gently at your thigh and parted them. You grabbed a hold of his hair and he looked up at you and winked. Before you could process that he had licked you where you needed it most. A moan fell from your lips and he continued the motion a few times. Then he added a finger and sucked on your clit making you see stars. Before long you came, feeling weightless in his arms and he smiled at the sight of you coming undone on his tongue.

“That was the best thing I have ever seen. Hope you’re cool with me doing that like all the time,” he said meeting your lips in a passionate kiss.

“Not gonna complain about that,” you answered.

You tugged his boxers down and he grabbed a condom from the night table and put in on. He aligned your bodies and wordlessly asked if you were ready. When you nodded he slowly pushed in, and you felt every vein and inch of him. It was a stretch, but an inviting one. He stilled and peppered kisses across your skin once he was fully inside you.

“Baby,” you moaned. “Move.”

He wasted no time following your request and started to thrust in at a slow steady movement. You kissed him breathlessly and cherished the feeling of having him completely. It felt right having him with you, no matter what anyone thought. He made you feel complete and loved for the first time.

His breaths got shorter and he let out a deep moan letting you know he was close. You were right behind him and felt another orgasm approaching. Then as if in sync with one another, you both tipped over the edge at the same time and collapsed on the bed in a symphony of pants.

“That was amazing,” you said breathlessly.

“Agreed, now snuggle with me,” he said and pulled you close.

You'll see me in hindsight, tangled up with you all night

Burnin' it down

Someday when you leave me, I'd bet these memories

Follow you around

“Isn’t it time you find a real job and forget this silly dream?” Your mother said one day when you got home from your job at the coffee shop. It didn’t pay much, but it did give experience. You wanted to open your own store. It was a pipe dream, but it was your pipe dream. Your mother would rather you work for her at her accounting firm.

“It is a real job. I enjoy it quite a lot.” You countered.

“Between that job and that troublesome boy you’re going nowhere in life y/n! You dress like a hooker and stay out late all the time. He’s a bad influence on you, and you need to be more like your sister.” It always came down to her, even though she was a gossip she was married and a housewife.

“Leave Bucky out of this! I’m sorry I don’t want to be a Stepford Wife like her.” you huffed. “I’ll be back later I need some air.”

With that, you rushed out of the house and drove towards the auto shop Bucky managed. He would be at work right now, but you didn’t even care. Just being close to him would be enough for now.

When you got there he was fixing an engine in a beat-up car. His eyes lit up when he saw you and he patted his hands on his jeans before pulling you in for a hug.

“Baby girl, what’s wrong?” he said seeing your tear-filled eyes.

“Just my mom. It’s nothing. I just needed to see you, remind me of the only good thing in this town.”

“I gotta work on this car, but I have lunch in an hour. You can wait in my office if you want. Or just pull up a chair and watch me work?”

You nodded and pulled up a chair near the toolbox. You watched him work and listened to his rock music, and before long he was finishing up and ordering Chinese food for lunch. Over lunch, he spoke.

“We could leave.”

“What?” you asked confused.

“We could go. Find a new town, you could open a cafe and I could find a shop to run. I got a friend in New York, bet he’d give me a job.”

“We can’t leave. Our lives are here, your family is here! I’ve never left, I wouldn’t know anyone.”

He frowned for a second, “Ma’s been wanting to move for some time. We’re both miserable here. It would be a fresh start, we deserve one.”

You thought it over, leaving would be good. This place made you feel worthless.

“Okay,” you answered him.

“Okay!” he exclaimed. He dropped his fork and rounded the table to spin you around.

“Let’s start our lives together,” you said finally hopeful for the future.

“Let’s do it,” he said in agreement.

#bucky x reader #marvel #bucky barnes #bucky x reader smut #bucky x reader fluff #wildest dreams #song fic

309 notes · View notes

jawnjendes · 4 years

Text

bonus: i am all of me | shawn mendes

university au, shawn x goth oc

AN: the goth gf series is now a finalist in the @shawnblrficawards which is???? so fucking wild??? ppl care abt my story??? so yeah, to celebrate HERE IS A THROWBACK by throwback i mean this takes place in the university days, before the shawn meets series

goth gf masterlist | vote for goth gf maybe? | shawn meets masterlist

For someone who deviates the norm on a regular basis, I hung out with a lot of normal people. Most of my “goth” friends were back home in California, and the only “goth” friend I had here in Toronto was Patrick Markowski. He preferred not to be around the normies I hung out with, so it was just me against the world sometimes.

It’s not like I meant for my friend group to end up like this. At first, my only normal friend was Stella. But Stella was friends with Camila, who was friends with Shawn, who had been dating me for the last three months. Shawn was quite popular around campus, and he was always seen talking to someone. People liked him, and he loved people. I preferred laying low and being invisible, even though that was hard to do.

I was always in black lace, fishnets, platforms, or all of the above. I was rarely caught without my hair in my face or my signature winged liner. Putting me next to a normal guy was odd, and that wasn’t hard to notice. If Shawn introduced me to a stranger, that stranger always had the mildly disapproving stare. Not to mention, one of his friends just viewed me as the target to playfully bully.

When it came from the group of normal people I hang around with, it’s fine. Shawn’s best friend, Brian, constantly took the piss out of me. It was our primary form of communication at this point. I wear black, I steal souls and drink virgin blood. I can joke about it too. I actually liked it sometimes. It was fun to joke about my plan to steal Shawn’s heart and sacrifice it to Satan. Just girly things, y’know?

There’s something I didn’t appreciate, though. And it didn’t come from Brian or Shawn or anyone, really. It came from my own pride and lack of brain cells. It took one random game of Odds On with Camila that brought me face to face with a monstrosity and the realization that I may take this goth thing more seriously than I thought.

Camila was grinning as she held up the pink, ruffly dress. “You’re gonna look so pretty.”

Behind her, Stella was giggling. She witnessed the Odds On and was there to make sure I kept my word.

The dress was short sleeved, and the ruffles made a very poofy skirt. The pink was a horrifying pastel that made my skin crawl. I didn’t mind colors as long as I’m wasn’t the one wearing them.

“What dumpster did you pull that out of?” I asked.

“Forever 21!” Camila happily replied, laying the dress down on my bed.

“And you literally just bought this today?”

“Yup! You can keep it after as a token of my friendship.” She stuck her tongue out. “So, from sun up to sun down tomorrow, you have to wear this. And I have to see you at least once so I know you didn't cheat! No changing either!”

I always kept my word, almost to a fault. That’s why I didn’t bring up the knot in my stomach, or the dread hanging on my shoulders to anyone. I didn’t mention how pushing someone out of their comfort zone could do more harm than good. It was just a silly little bet. It was just clothing. I shouldn’t have been so worried about it.

That didn’t exactly stop me from telling Shawn about it over FaceTime. I kept my frustrations on a low simmer, knowing that Camila was one of my boyfriend’s friends.

“So don’t do it,” Shawn told me. “It’s a meaningless bet, right?”

“But I made a promise, and Camila already spent money at Forever fucking 21!”

“Mm, you do hate that store.”

“So much… Fuck, I’m actually dreading tomrrow.”

“Aw, babe…” He looked at me for a moment. “What if you fake sick? It’ll be believable since you get sick a lot.”

I hummed. “I’d have to wear it the next day. The point is for me to look stupid and out of character in public.”

“What if you accidentally damage the dress?”

“She’ll know I did it on purpose, and then I’d end up owing her…” I reached for the flimsy fabric on the floor and found the tag. “Thirty-five dollars?!”

Shawn didn’t say anything for a second. “Well… at least you look cute in pink!”

That made me groan in annoyance. No one seemed to get it. “It doesn’t matter how cute I look! It’s not my color! I’m gonna look so out of it and, and... “ I sighed and threw the dress back on the floor.

A deep pit formed in my stomach overnight. I wished it was enough to keep me bedridden, but the dress was going to be worn no matter what. I got ready for my morning classes as I normally did. Intense liner, black lipstick, kept my hair down. Put the dress on and paired it with my combat boots. Once I looked as least uncomfortable as could be, Stella came knocking on the door.

“Let me see, let me see!”

I couldn’t even fake a smile as I opened the door. Actually, I scowled at my roommate, who had her phone out. The flash went off, and I immediately used my bedroom door to shield myself.

“No pictures!” I snapped.

“Oh come on! Camila has to see that you followed through!” Stella replied. When I ignored her, she sighed. “Okay, my phone is in my pocket! And we’ll see Camila later today, anyway!”

I poked my head out the door, making sure my roommate kept her word. Still, nothing could really make this better. Well, apart from getting rid of the stupid dress.

"Let's get today overwith," I mumbled, slinging my bag over my shoulder.

Thankfully, Camila forgot to get a matching coat for today's look, so I found refuge in my leather jacket. That made going to classes a little easier, but I still felt out of place and just… not good. No one in my classes cared about how I looked, and that was fine. The permanent scowl on my face kept the guys in gaming club from saying anything at all too. My problem wasn't the fear of being singled out and made fun of. That happened when I dressed normally, I was immune to that.

Trust me, I was very aware of how dramatic I looked all the time. I knew just how odd I looked with my group of normal friends and my normal boyfriend. That's just how I am, and that's probably what bugged me. I was blending in too much, and it was so far from me that I wanted to jump out of my own skin.

Every part of me wanted to just fuck off to my dorm after my psychology class, but I had to remember my promise to Camila. She had to see for herself that I followed through. She sent a text asking to meet her at one of the picnic tables on the courtyard, and I knew damn well it wasn't going to be just her.

The distaste on my face was amusing to Camila, Stella, Brian, and Connor as I approached the table. I had my arms folded as their faces lit up in shock.

"Well, aren't you a ray of sunshine?" Camila giggled. "I can't believe you did it!"

I only chewed the inside of my cheek. Then, I turned to Brian, who was beside himself with silence. It's better than laughing in my face, I suppose.

"Go ahead, lay it on me," I told him.

"I would," he replied, "but Shawn…"

"Huh?"

The other three at the table were nodding in agreement. Camila pointed behind me, so I looked.

My jaw dropped.

There he was, six foot something in the exact same pink, ruffled dress as me. The top half of the dress was tight over his broad chest, it probably didn't zip all the way. The skirt was very short, showing a lot of Shawn's thighs. He bounded over to the table like nothing was out of the ordinary.

"Hey guys," he greeted, slinging his arm around me.

I was still caught with my mouth open at the sight of him.

"Oh my god," Camila said, floored.

"Well, don't we look pretty?" Brian said with a laugh.

"I'm always pretty, thanks," Shawn replied, dramatically running his fingers through his hair.

I was still silent. I didn't even know where to begin: The fact that the top half of the dress was one wrong move away from ripping? The fact that Shawn was on the receiving end of Brian's roasting? The fact that Shawn heard my mindless venting and took matters into his own hands? Or the fact that he did this shit instead of simply bringing me a bigger jacket? There was just too much to unpack here.

That, and a new appreciation for this guy I was dating. My shocked expression had morphed into a soft grin the longer I watched him casually talk with his friends.

It was a thoughtful(?) gesture, but it didn't fix anything.

I followed Shawn home like a lost puppy at the end of the school day. Apart from teasing thigh touches, neither of us had properly talked about our matching attire. Shawn talked about everything no matter what, so this was a little strange.

It was strange because I wanted to talk about it.

"So," I began when we were in his car, although I quickly realized I didn't know how to go about this. "Um… what the fuck?"

Shawn glanced at her once as he pulled out of the parking lot. “Huh?”

I gestured to the outfit, an expectant look on my face.

“Oh, that,” he said. “I figured you wanted the attention off of you.”

“So you got the same dress?”

“I got the same dress.”

There was a pause as I looked at him, a half smile on my face. My brain was still having trouble processing the fact that he did this… for me. Or, at all.

“Well…” I trailed off, pushing away the cheesy words threatening to spill out. “...that was pretty cool. Thanks.”

Shawn reached across the center console and took my hand. “You sounded pretty upset on FaceTime. I just wanted to make it a little easier for you.”

“It’s no big deal.”

He opened his mouth to say something else, but decided against it.

“What?” I asked. You can’t just do that and expect me not to question it.

Apparently, that was all Shawn needed for him to spill. “You made it seem like it was the end of the world. You kept saying that you had to follow through, but you weren’t happy about it at all. Even for a meaningless bet. I’m just wondering why.

“Uh…”

“You don’t have to tell me, of course,” he quickly added. “Whatever you want. I can listen, or we can pretend like this day never happened.”

If he had been looking at me and not the road, then this would have been an easy choice. Forget everything and burn the dress. But there was no eye contact in this vehicle. The words that had piled up in my throat since the bet finally started to spill out.

"Not to be all, 'it's not a phase mom,'" I began, "but the chokers, the dark makeup, and the skulls? It's all I am. It's apart of me. I was in black onesies as a baby. That whole subculture is my sense of belonging. The dark, creepy shit the mainstream world hates is my happy place. And it was taken away from me today.”

“So why didn’t you explain that to Camila? She would have understood.”

“I didn’t say anything because I would have gotten upset. Or worse, I would have cried.” I sighed. “Besides, it’s just clothing. It’s all vanity. It’s stupid for someone to throw a fit over things like that.”

I kept my eyes out the window. Shawn gently squeezed my hand to get me to turn back to him.

“It’s not stupid,” he told me. “You said it’s where you belong, and there’s nothing stupid about that. If how you express yourself is important to you, then no one can tell you otherwise.”

Oof, there’s that sting in my throat. I placed my free hand on top of his. “No offense to your friend, but if she wasn’t so taken with my friend, I would have clocked her for suggesting this in the first place.”

Shawn chuckled, then paused. “Wait. Taken with? Camila is taken with Stella?”

I shrugged. “I don’t know. They seem close, I just didn’t wanna start anything with Camila, for Stella's sake."

"Gotcha. So…" Shawn's tone indicated that the subject was changing. "You gonna let me rip that dress off of you when we get to my place?"

"Mm… yeah."

_______

goth gf taglist: @normalcyisoverrated-beyou @ilsolee @mendesromano @1-800-khalid-mendussy @kitykatnumber @strangerliaa @iloveshawnieboi @someoneunimportantxx @goldenmndes @shawnsunflower @shawnvvmendes @parkeraul @ruinhoney @calyumthomas @havethetimeeofyourlifee @chillingbythesea @wronglanemendes @softmendesss

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes smut #shawn x oc #shawn x goth gf #we love posting twice #we love the fucked up tagging system lmao #its ok my things dont get notes anymore even if they do show in the tag

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juleswolverton-hyde · 5 years

Text

Comfort is coming (YG x Reader)

Genre: Fluff, College/University AU

Pairing: Student!Yoongi x Student!Reader

Warnings: No warnings apply

Summary: Hard academic labour deserves to be rewarded with a treat every once in a while. For example, with holding a marathon of a favourite series while eating a tub of ice cream.

And the unsuspected company in the form of the silent force under the same roof.

There are times when life is hard, when it knows periods wherein every single thing that is normally so ordinary now forms an extraordinary addition to the amalgamation of educational stress. Each day is filled with nothing but typing on the flat slightly illuminated keyboard of the matte silver MacBook filled with academic files, hoping to finish that close reading essay that was thought of too easily, when a heavily caffeinated mind is not occupied by trying to process every bit of information eyes framed by glass absorb from paper. It always is the same song and yet its dance can never be learned.

Day in, day out.

Sigh after sigh.

Nevertheless, they pass, eventually, invoking feelings of tremendous relief, mental devastation and exhausted defeat to flow throughout a learning being again and again. Today is one of those moments in which this memorable potion is drunk after completing the deadline and cramping up with pain inflicted by ink in a most powerful tool and chaotic panic at not understanding the capability of the human intellect despite cramming hours on end.

The leather bag is thrown onto the floor at the entrance of the apartment shared with a silent stoic raven-haired force who composes music in the hush habitual to the residence, headphones always on in the bedroom functioning more as a studio even when nobody is home. In fact, it is not unlikely to think the padding of toes merely clad in socks goes unnoticed, the noise-isolating padding tuning them out immediately after removing nightly black and crisp white Adidas sneakers in the tiny entryway and putting them into the shoe closet next to the entrance.

It is not minded since it is part of the routine, the only moments of really enjoying each other’s company being dinner and occasional mutual trips to the supermarket to stock up for the coming week. Lunch is never shared because either party picks up something in the cafeteria of the university building they have to be for a seminar or lecture or somewhere in the big concrete jungle, alone or with a friend. Breakfast is also rarely a moment of true friendship, Yoongi skipping it on a daily basis yet always nagging the curiously accepted housemate when there is a risk of giving into the same habit. It has gotten to the point of being forced to wait until the musician finishes his characteristic double espresso and preparing a decent enough meal for one likely running late for class whenever the scenario presents itself, nonchalantly blocking the way in every instance feet try to slip away from the scene to crack on or sending empty threats behind a turned back.

Although, in hindsight, the same happens in the event of dinner and not feeling too hungry if at all.

Withal, skipping a meal will have to be excused for the day because when bone tired limbs have exchanged the complicated outfit - consisting of onyx leggings matching the same-toned dress underneath a denim jacket and above knee-height light brown leather boots - for dusk-shaded Puma sweatpants and a plain ivory V-neck shirt, nothing will be done anymore. Bare feet crawl under the alabaster thick sheets after wrapping them in the blanket coloured in a murky earth and mossy tone, moonlight-shaded MacBook opened to the downloaded Game of Thrones episodes the quiet strangely kind power roaming the same house shared by email at accidentally discovering a mutual love for the series during a boring lecture, sharing earphones to watch season one painfully unfold all over again because, apparently, Yoongi had just started it.

And, although already having seen the first few batches that were sent by digital means before illegally online, they nevertheless bring a grateful smile to tired lips each time because it is due to this sharing of documents a splendid opportunity has been steadily formed to indulge in a marathon to withdraw from the world in silent celebration of a liberation from stress.

However, it would appear the musician has stopped watching recently since conversations have led more often to forbidding giving any spoilers for season four and further. Though, when asking to brand new seasons bought on DVD on the hard drive to add to the little nerdy collection on the bedside table also functioning as a headboard, Yoongi gladly rips the files and sends them over email thus adding both to the personal collection and that of a soul glad for the kindness in spite of the more stranding chit chats since there have not been many moments of bonding since moving in four months ago. Other than the series, there is little to talk about that which has been discovered as common interest let alone bond over and both working and hanging out with different people besides the study does also not greatly help in forming a deeper meaning to the fragile friendship.

Just as a comfortable position is taken up and noise-cancelling white headphones put on, a digit hovering above the touchpad for the cursor to start from the very beginning of the visual version of “A Song of Ice and Fire”, a dimly audible knock is followed by an immediate opening of the door to the private haven. Obviously disregarding the polite pause to wait for consent, Yoongi stands on the threshold, bangs as dark as ink covering a pale forehead and the light skin of the resident stoic silent force further accentuated by the overall casual outfit of ripped jeans and a T-shirt that could blend easily into the shadows. ‘Judging by your appearance, I wager it’s either that time of the month again where you get grumpy at me for no good reason and act like a drama queen or you just made your exams and deadlines.’

‘Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be composing or something? You normally ignore me until before dinner.’ The constraints on hearing are removed while eyes wander to the bright green slightly translucent plastic convenience store bag held by bony skillful fingers, light up at registering what the item within it is and seeing a comforting sympathetic curve on lips having lost every sense of mocking when looking back at the unexpected visitor. ‘Why the ice cream?’

‘I never ignore you, Y/N. I know I don’t say much and we don’t have much of a relationship, but ever since you’ve been here I’ve had no choice but to observe you on a daily basis, looking as shabby a-’ An offended palm lashes out as the flatmate sits down on the edge of the mattress - a bed frame a disturbance to the overall minimalist aesthetic - on the cedar floor and puts the bag down, the sharp slap of skin on skin resonating in the temporary hush. The hit has a deceivingly powerful impact because a red outline already begins to form and makes the baffled young man cover it protectively in the instant the imprint is noticed. ‘What the- Y/N! What the hell?’

‘That’s for calling me shabby. It’s not, it’s comfy.’ The pout in which the last statement is made returns clear amusement with a caring undertone to the other’s shocked expression. The digits reaching out to pat locks depicting the aftermath of academic stress are swatted away, arms crossing in defiance afterwards while an unforgiving glare holds a warning strengthening the one made in a voice that cannot sound entirely angry due to the gratefulness towards the pale onyx-haired lad for checking up on an exhausted somewhat friend. ‘Don’t touch me. I’ll bite your fingers off if you try again.’

‘Fine. Here I was, thinking I’d cheer you up with the ice cream you always buy when you’re like this, but apparently, it isn’t appreciated. Guess I’ll give it to Joon or Jimin, instead.’ An attempt at getting up is made yet stopped directly by apologetic palms at the ends of uncrossed arms clad in too long sleeves, a tug on the wrist asking to return while also not being able to help but glance longingly at the icy cinnamon roll treat that threatens to leave alongside the present company. ‘Oh, so now you want it, huh?’

‘I’m sorry, if that’s what you want to hear.’ Albeit reluctantly, an apology for the defiance is given, knowing full well the playful mocking attitude of the fellow student though personal pride was still damaged at being called badly composed style-wise.

‘You’re forgiven. Look, I’ve gotten to know your personality through actions. In university, you’re the independent hard-working calm girl while at home you’re one giant ball of stress who’ll get frustrated with deadlines again the day following a bit of rest. But it is days like this one that you’re happy and it’s annoyingly rubbing off on me.’ The tub in the plastic bag is put in the lap covered by the thick alabaster duvet. ‘Making me want to see you be a little content hermit. Here, eat up and relax. You’ve earned it.’

Brows furrow in played confusion, teasing like him howbeit in retaliation for the insult earlier in spite of the oddly satisfying confession at not being a mere invisible force like the musician. ‘How am I supposed to eat this without a spoon?’

A contemplating nod, acknowledging the treat cannot be enjoyed without otherwise and should have been brought along from the beginning. ‘Right... I’ll get you one.’

‘Can you make it two?’

‘What?’ The surprise at the request raises the indifferent husky voice by a few tones.

‘I can’t eat this all by myself, though. So, do you-’ Doubtful irises shift from the favourite ice cream to the screen, awkwardly moving on the mattress thanks to the self-made constraints on wrapped feet, and back to Yoongi whose expression briefly transforms into characteristic stoicism before showing a ghost of a rare gummy smile. ‘Do you want to watch Game of Thrones with me?’

‘Sure. Which season, though?’

‘Three. Where are you?’

Sheepishly, the creative genius rubs the back of the neck in obvious hesitance to admit something. Regardless, as always, what needs to be said, is said is as serious a tone as possible. ‘I’ve kinda forgotten since I think I stopped halfway. Although, I’ve seen the Red-’

‘We. Do. Not! Talk about The Red Wedding.’ An accusing finger rises in offence at bringing up the sensitive subject about a most traumatic and tragic event in Westeros. ‘Not a single word more about it, Min Yoongi.’

‘I forgot how immersed you are in the series.’ A roll of the eyes goes accompanied by an amused sigh as palms plant themselves on hips and a headshake emphasizes the entertainment at the, perhaps, too extravagant reaction. ‘Alright, I’ll shut up. You start up the point from which you want to watch, but no further than the event we just spoke about, and I’ll get the spoons. So you can shovel the ice cream in.’

‘One more degrading comment and I’ll have your head!’ The empty threat is shrugged off by the leaving flatmate who has always laughed off these types of statements, either frustratingly coaxing more out or merely mumbling something along the terms of being cute which, in turn, raises more protest that, again, gets treated in the same manner. It is a viscous endless circle.

‘Who are you? Geoffrey Baratheon?’ A smug glance over the shoulder invites a new discussion that on one hand wants to be held while, on the other, the aftermath of educational stress does not allow it.

Henceforth, it is hoped to be ended with a final deciding futile violent phrasing. ‘I will be if you don’t get the bloody spoons.’

A reflecting tilt of the head, raven locks partially covering up the devious expression of the annoying yet beloved musician. ‘Maybe Cersei.’

‘Go.’ The command comes out between gritted teeth, absolutely done with the subject and too eager to attack the tub of cinnamon roll goodness before it is all melted.

‘As my lady commands.’

Vaguely in the distance sounds the barely audible padding of bare feet towards the kitchen after the flatmate has left the room, leaving a small crack in the door in the wake filled with endeavours at soothing kindness. Although it might mean inherently nothing, the tight grip on the edge of the warm duvet cannot be helped as the heart flutters with innocent joyous sentiments bordering on a deeper version of themselves. Especially when Sense comes in to calculate the outcome of the sum of caring behaviours and recalled mental transcripts of past conversations, however trivial, alongside the little gestures in the studying composer’s absence in the form of song recommendations on post-it notes or sharing earbuds inconspicuously during boring lectures or seminars to listen to the same song.

The clinking of the cutlery drawer being searched, looking for the right spoons.

The sound of a metal wave when the loud impact of the momentum makes the insides shake in unison when it is being slammed shut despite the mechanism ensuring a gentle closing.

Returning bare toes underneath a delighted sliver of a grin as slim pianist fingers present the retrieved items, one of them handed over with a broad smile that is glad to see the eagerness with which it is accepted and the tub opened to attack immediately.

Once more Yoongi strikes down on the edge of the mattress but this time to look for a comfortable position to sit in and getting incredibly close while doing so. It is not unusual to be fairly intimate during educational hours, but this is a whole new sort as the onyx-haired man tries to secure a seat just in front of the night table functioning as a headboard, thus placing an utterly confused girl between black pepper and ink scented legs. ‘Scoot over. And don’t you dare eat that whole tub by yourself. You always get me worried for your health when you do. I enjoy seeing you eat, but you shouldn’t overdo it.’

‘It’s only 360 calories and I’m an adult. I can do what I want.’ Awkwardly, an attempt is made at putting a bit of distance between bodies by trying to ease into a lying position next to the curiously intimate flatmate so that only shoulders touch.

However, the composer does not allow it and makes use of the clumsy unbalanced shuffling to pull the spine flush against a soft warm chest, locking the captured party by grabbing the laptop from the side and placing it on top of the two-person lap which has just been created and locking ankles in place after rearranging the warm sheets to cover both parties.

Both friends.

Or more, though that remains to be seen when the confusion will be explained by the course of Time.

As if nothing unusual has happened, blatantly ignoring burning ashamed crimson cheeks, the cursor flies over the screen to start up one of the episodes without knowing the exact point from which an original beginning of the marathon wanted to be made. ‘Where do we start?’

Hands still wrapped about the cinnamon ice cream carton, spoon balanced between nimble fingers, grab the treat a little bit harder to calm down while speech clearly portrays being affected by the sudden show of closeness. ‘Season three, episode- no, wait. Season one, episode one.’

The best way to remember all that has transpired in the politics of Westeros after escaping the realm for a while is to watch the game of thrones unfold all over again despite almost being able to recite every scene by heart. ‘That’s where we’ll start.’

‘I think I still rec-‘ The considering protest is broken off by a spoonful of cinnamon ice cream from the rapidly opened carton box, tired of having to wait to finally kick back and relax in, apparently, good human company.

‘Shut up, Lannister, and just start the series.’ The nicknames from the houses each individual supposedly belongs to have become a sort of inside joke to refer to one another and it would be a lie to say it was not missed in rare actual conversations. It brings back the memories of that first moment of watching this exact same beginning to the turbulent fantastical political chaos, huddled together while plainly ignoring the professor talking about a subject undoubtedly important for the exam but which at the time did not matter whatsoever. Perfectly content watching the battle for The Iron Throne unfold and taking a quiz to figure out where one would be in Westeros was it the real world.

The topic of the lecture did matter, as would be discovered, for the close reading.

‘Okay, fine, Tully, we can still cha-’ Another icy bite cuts Yoongi off again before irises return to the screen and a weary head lies down on the top side of a cushiony stomach in splendid delight, eating ice cream while regarding a bloody imaginary history.

Winter is coming.

But comfort is already here.

#BTS #hyunglinenetwork #hyungline #btsguild #Yoongi #SUGA #Agust D #Min Yoongi #BTS fanfiction #BTS fluff #BTS College Au #BTS University AU

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shesawriter39049 · 5 years

Text

|FAMILY TIES| M| MAFIA AU| 2

SMUT/ANGST

SUMMARY: A powerful alliance made up of 4 families spanning over a decade, is suddenly turned on its head when one family has a new leader after an unexpected death. Well let’s just say he’s not down to follow the somewhat civilized rules your families have inforced. Sooo now, it’s game on…

THIS CHAPTER IS VERY STORYLINE HEAVY AS FAR AS LUXX & TAE ARE CONCERNED.... BTW

15k

WARNINGS: HMMM, DIRTY TALK, ORAL( M/F GIVING AND RECEIVING) SLIGHT LINGERIE KINK, LIGHT CUMPLAY, OVERSTIMULATION LIGHT DOM TAE, FACE RIDING, CAR SEX...KINDA LOL

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

His eyes were studying yours his whole aura seemed..different…the way he looked at you was a lot softer now as his touch also changed, it was more so him needing to make sure you were calm. As his hands rubbed light circles along the small of your back, he could feel you start to melt into his touch. Yes, this was your life..the only one you knew but that didn’t make shit like this any easier.

Letting a deep exhale release from your lungs, your hands found their way into his hair reconnecting your lips to his taking advantage of the moment. He could feel you smile into the kiss and that let him know you were good. He chuckled lightly against your lips ,still not breaking the kiss, the way he caressed you in his arms just screamed “That’s my girl”.It was like..he could sense that you were at ease, because he was there, and you had his back, down to start a fire the minute he was.

His hand snaked up your neck, pulling you in tighter, as he deepened the kiss. Mr.Kim couldn’t control himself around you tonight, and you weren’t complaining it was rare, that he got like this and you loved it. letting himself get completely out of his head and just live in the moment with you. But the moment came to an abrupt halt once as your body jerked from a sloppy ass turn the driver took a low grunt leaving both of your lips in aggravation as you tried to keep your cool. Not a smooth driver by any means, shit it felt like you were a second away from slamming into the door. Currently questioning if you were in a game of bumper cars to be honest, because that would make a lot more sense.

In all honesty he was driving like he was nervous, another rookie mistake. Neither of you would ever feel uneasy by one of your driver’s skills,even if they were doing 130 down a dead end they were always smooth. Also, as the driver sometimes you don’t know what happened or why your picking someone up. The less you know the better, that way if ever questioned, the honest response is “I was just told to drive”. So with that being said, your driver wouldn’t speak without being spoken too, which so far is the only rule this rookie is following properly.

Taehyung called it off rip …he was just probably some guy, who was broke and needed some cash. He’s not valuable to Marco, he doesn’t know much, and on top of that he’s terrified, not only of fuckng up but more importantly his passengers.The two of you were known to do some pretty serious damage together if need be. You could go from danity and vulnerable to heartless and lethal within seconds. Which is why it was crucial for him to go undetected, if the two of you caught on he didn’t stand a chance. Little did he know he blew it the minute Taehyung got in the car. You watched his brow furrowed in frustration at his ammature driving, the grip on your waist tightening, you could tell by the look on his face he was beyond pissed. Ready to snatch his ass right out of the driver’s seat, and end this pathetic excuse for a kidnapping or whatever the fuck it was..he wasn't impressed to say the least. As bad as Tae’s temper was,he wasn’t a loose canon. Even though this guy seemed like a complete cake walk, unless you two were in immediate danger there’s no way Taehyung would make an impulsive decision like that with you in the car. Even the slight risk of you getting hurt because of something he did would ruin him. He hid it well, but him being protective over you goes way deeper than just the family business.

Knowing he had to find a distraction so he could stop envisioning repeditaly bashing this man's head into the window until his skull was in dicetable pieces. I guess he’s lucky his favorite lady was already on his lap.. Reclining your back to rest against the driver’s seat with a mischievous smirk which he read you clear as day..you two were about to give this rookie the ride of his life. One of his favorite things about you, no matter how girly you were..hair, nails,makeup, high heels..you weren't afraid to play dirty.

“Oh, by the way I bought you something…” his hands roamed up your sides as you kicked your brow up out of curiosity. Your dynamic had changed over the past almost 6 months, all of the built up sexual tension finally came to a head after the two of you closed a pretty dangerous deal is Sao Paulo. The leftover adrenaline coursed through your veins as he had you bent over a balcony 20 stories up. Hand around your neck, he fucked you until you couldn't even see straight, and once your legs gave out he laid you on chaise lounge and kept goin… But that’s about all it was, Taehyung somehow mastered the art of not getting in his feels,but every once in awhile his heart would pick a fight, and lately it’s been knocking him on his ass.

You knew he was just trying to make small talk..but he’s never just randomly bought you something, unless it was like food,liquor, or a hotel suite “I actually bought it a while ago,but ya know, you just had to be a fuckin brat” His words came out almost in the form of a growl as he coyly reached in the pocket inside your coat, sliding your 9..down your sleeve. Which drapped on the floor, cradling it in your hand, due to your jacket hanging off your shoulders, the gun and your hand were completely covered.

Rolling your eyes not even bothering to actually verbally give a response,which only made him chuckle. He really wasn’t phased by you he’s known you damn near your whole life, he just..ya know.. wanted to choke your bratty ass sometimes that’s all.

“Clearly you still haven’t learned your lesson..” You felt a hard smack on your ass but you knew it was coming, keeping your eyes trained on his as you just shrugged nonchalantly in response. Trying to play it cool but he left one hell of a sting, already feeling the heat start to pool between your thighs.”But I feel like I’d be torturing myself more than you …” Adjusting his tone slightly, the arousal dripping from his lips clear as day, it as insane the cast that hung over the two of you right now. The energy that radiated between you did not reflect the situation you were currently in whatsoever! God you loved the way he looked at your body, as he massaged up your thighs it was like you could physically see the affect you had on his own, as he slowly let himself go piece by piece.

“When I saw it I knew you’d look sooo sexy...while your pretty little mouth was wrapped me…ass up…wearing my favorite pair of Louboutins” The smoothness in which he delivered that you honestly couldn’t even be pissed at him assuming he’d get his way. He definitely had a lingerie kink and you knew It was a piece from Agent Provocateur, it was one of his favourite brands and he wasn’t shy to pick out what he liked. But typically it was while you were already ordering, he’d never done it on his own before! On the surface the two of you may appear to be 100% lost in your own world, completely unaware of your surroundings. All the random side turns this twat rockets taking down side streets. But Nah, you were well aware, just waiting until the time was right, while having a little fun in the meantime.

You weren’t going to let him know how genuinely happy the idea of him lingerie shopping made you, not the way your ego was set up. “And who says that you’ve been good enough to have my lips wrapped around your dick Mr. Kim?” Cocking your head to the side slightly capturing his gaze with yours, as a cocky smirk landed across his lips. Lacing his tongue against his plump bottom lip as he readjusted your position on his lap, rolling his hips up into yours.

“We both know, especially tonight …I’ve been more than good my baby …” Fuck how was it possible for his voice to get deeper, digging his nails into your ass through the thin fabric of your dress. Signaling for him to scoot closer he leaned in for a kiss,the grip on your waist got tighter as he already knew what was coming. Slowly creeping your hand up the back of the driver's seat strategically placing your gun between the gap in the head rest causing the hammer to make a slight clicking sound as the muzzle hit his neck . Granted this was not an ideal position but you’ve done this long enough, were you could make it work.

Your tongue still hadn't left Taehyung's until you both felt the car come to a complete stop, as he gasped in utter panic once he realized what was happening and at that point Taehyung had enough. “Alright, fuck this..”The whole car jerked, while he gently removed you from his lap, it still amazed you how quick he could switch gears. He went from caressing you to slowly fumming in the matter of seconds you watched him grunt, rolling his eyes in frustration as he quickly climbed over the seat hopping into the passenger side as you adjusted yourself still keeping your gun at the back of his neck. “Keep drivin…” Surprised by how relaxed his tone was in comparison to the look on his face. Taehyung searched him quickly before taking his own gun in one hand and his phone in another .

“Amature move number 10 sweetheart, you never. stop. driving…” you whispered out boldly against the skin of his neck as your lips brushed his ear. Tae couldn’t help but smile at the sight of you ,he thought you were the sexiest thing he’s ever laid his eyes on . Even if his pride wouldn’t let him admit it this man was becoming so consumed by you it’s unreal! Accidently catching his gaze, it felt like your heart stopped for a moment when you realized the way he was looking at you. The moment was short lived though, regardless of the situation you were currently in. You should’ve known better than to think Kim Taehyung was allowing himself to actually fucking feel more than a orgasm.

“She’s right, for all you know she could’ve just been fuckin with you. None of my men would’ve stopped driving, or jumped when I gouged at the seat nor would they have made that sloppy ass bang around the corner…..so I‘m only gonna ask this once...and don't you dare lie to me. I’m really not in the mood for games tonight, what fuckin’ character sent you?!“

Lucky for the driver in the midst of all this one of Taehyung’s men called, so he was temporarily distracted leaving you to deal with it.Signaling to you with his gun, which let you know he wanted you to continue his interrogation, while he was preoccupied. His delivery was just..fuck..…it always did something to you when he was doing business he was so stern and such a fucking man!! He never had to yell for people to know he wasn’t to be fucked with! He’s a pretty boy who likes designer things, yet It was so effortless for him to balance the two, he could look like a Blue Blood or a guy from The Dot, and have respect from either party.

Before you even had a chance to open your mouth, his eyes shot back in the driver's direction, I guess the nano second of silence was far too much for Taehyung to handle ”Did I not just say, I’m not in the mood for this shit? The fucks the matter with you?”Grazing the hammer with his index finger, cocking his head to the side while his tongue grazed his teeth. His accent that sat typically mild on a day to day basis, always grew even thicker once he got frustrated. Even faint, in combination with the deep rich tones of his voice..you were ready to get on your knees whenever and wherever he wanted. Granted this probably shouldn’t be running through your mind while you guys are technically in the midst of being kidnapped with a gun to a man’s head. But that’s the kinda shit that runs through your mind regardless of the situation when your dealing with Kim Taehyung.

Believe it or not, this man was either stupid or..just..well stupid because he still stayed quiet , which at this point you assumed he was playing the same game they all did and you weren’t in the mood . “Oh for fucks sake, spare me with the “I’d rather die than talk” bullshit please ! Trust me this mother fucker doesn’t give a fuck about you, it will get you nowhere!” Your tone was cold as all hell reflecting no type of emotion, you’d been through this far to many times for you to even be slightly amused.

Suddenly the energy around you felt suffocating..something just didn't feel right, and in that moment...all your patience flew out the window. Knocking the muzzle against the back of his neck even harder this time, causing his head to jerk a little when you still got NO response. You flicked the lock with your finger until it clicked which immediately got Taehyung’s attention because that sound meant you were about to release from your register “Your a second away from your organs being splattered along the dash kid” Raising your tone out of pure frustration, but it didn’t take you guys long to realize that it actually sounded like he was almost…crying? Well, fuck, clearly this wasn’t going the way you anticipated, completely dumbfounded who the hell kidnaps someone..and then has a mental breakdown!?

The look on both of your faces mirrored the same level of confusion, I.E WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK IS GOING ON!?

“Jesus kid are you crying, seriously!?” Ducking his head down slightly trying to get a better look at his face “Seriously?? Am I getting punk’d or something!? How old are you?!?” Pulling the drivers hat off ,flicking the light on. To your surprise the tone was, calm, and warm actually,complete contrast to how he originally approached him. An almost sympathetic sigh left his mouth when he looked over at him, this kid looked like he was barely 18! The word “kid” was used very frequently in Boston, but buy no means did you actually think he was actually barely legal!

“Of fucking course!” You whispered out low in frustration and slight disbelief, shaking your head, as it now was all starting to make since. He wasn’t just a rookie he was a child, you guys didn’t do business like this..unless they were in the family you didn’t involve kids. Even though you felt bad you still didn’t remove the gun, deep down you knew this wasn’t some trap, Marco just didn’t give a fuck, but you were trained to never underestimate anyone! Just wanting someone cheap … that was easily impressionable, and disposable.

This life wasn’t for everybody that’s for damn sure, on the surface it looks great, the money ,cars,planes, trips you name it. But it does something to your spirit, after some of the shit that you see in this line of work. I know it sounds cliche but it's true..your never the same…God forbid your in a position where you’re the one deciding if and when someone will take their last breath. You gotta have a strong ass heart,and a lot of the time you almost gotta act like you don’t have one at all, and it’s hard still…even for you two. Mr. Kim could attest to that better than anyone…

In this moment not caring how young he was…Taehyung was getting pissed that he hadn’t answered his question! Like I said there's a time and place for everything, he didn’t expect you to worship the ground he walks on. But in a situation like this when Kim Taehyung asks you a question you answer, simple as that.You watched his head cock to the side, eyes extremely focused on the divers mannerisms, you couldn’t tell if he was enraged, or concerned, as he was still on the phone with one of his men. All you could do was hold your breath and pray he didn’t do anything crazy

.“Alright, you know what? I‘M done, I’m done with this conversation! I don’t care who fucked up were..just fix it! Jhonny,put me on speaker..” pausing taking in a couple slow breaths, using his index and middle finger to pinch the bridge of his nose, almost indicating the conversation was giving him a migraine and knowing Taehyung’s lack of patience..it probably was

“Alright boss..”

“If you guys are smart, you’ll make sure nothing else goes wrong tonight, I’m not in the mood for this amateur bullshit! Oh by the way you mother fuckers literally let me get kidnapped by a kid that can’t even grow fucking facial hair! Get your shit together!” Tossing his phone down on his lap, letting out a deep sigh in aggravation as he ran his fingers through his hair. His phone went off almost instantly once he hung up, probably sending him directions.

Still, in the midst of all that he stayed dead silent in the drivers set, jaw cinched ..trying to look tough, yet you could see how glossy his eyes were, they were probably burning from him trying to suppress his tears. “Alright, well now that i’ve clarified my men are incompetent and you’re probably not even old enough to buy cigs..pull into this parking lot, then your gonna pull out…bang a uey, and we’re going in the opposite fuckin direction.”

His delivery was so chill it was almost comical, there wasn't even a hint of concern in his voice, already well aware the driver would follow his instructions. You watched his shaky hands pull into a lot of what appeared to be a diner . Pulling out, and doing exactly what was instructed of him “Good boy …” He coaxed and it seemed to put the kid at ease “Make a left at the next light. “ . Taehyung knew what he was doing, purposely waiting until the driver seemed a little calmer before he started to ask him questions.. “Ok. I’m gonna say this one more time, and if you don’t respond I’ll revert right back to that motherfucker I was when I first got up in the front seat . You're already pushing it because my biggest pet peeve is repating myself...yet here I fuckin go soudnig like a damn parrot!”

He kept is tone low and stern but still he wasn’t yelling, it was rare he did. “If I’m being honest I don’t care how young you are I’m not the one that hired you. At the end of the day the job you accepted put her life in danger and that alone is enough for me to bash your fuckin head in.” Cocking his head to the side leaning in a little closer as he tried to read the kids expression. Barely centimeters away from this kids face, a knot forming in your own stomach just from observing..you heard him sniffle and clear his throat .

“I-I didn’t do anything to your driver by the way , I actually don’t know where he is ...the car was empty when I got in it” He paused needing to focus on the road but you also knew he needed to calm down.

“After you make this turn your going to stay straight for a while . Then hang a right into the gas station…Keep goin..” The combination of warmth in his voice and of course pure fear encouraged him to actually continue

”I’m- I’m 18, he comes to the packie I work at, I just turned 18, and the day I did my foster mom put my ass right out! I -He asked if I wanted to make some quick cash …he just said I’d have to drive a car. I had an hour to get you guys to someone else..” It hurt more than you thought to hear this young kid say what the both of you already knew, which is that he was just a pawn in Marco’s game. But both of you became slightly intrigued the more he spoke, he knew Marco probably didn’t deal with him directly but did he know a name? A location? ANYTHING!

“Shit I’m screwed , I had one job ! One FUCKING job ……then you get paid..that’s all I had to do…that’s all I had to do..” you heard him whisper out the last part,actually almost sounding like he was outta breath. Repeatedly it like a prayer, both of you zoned in on him, making sure in his sudden panic he wouldn’t suddenly try to do something irrational. This was all in a day’s work ..at the end of the day he had a job to complete and so far he hasn’t, at a 9-5 that could get you written up or fired..in this line of work it could get you killed.

You watched Taehyung’s expression change slowly, he felt bad, really bad. “Shit man, “ Tae huffed in frustration running his fingers through his hair “You know there’s a chance he’ll kill you if you don’t bring us in right?” 18 or not Taehyung wasn’t going to sugar coat it he’d rather you be braced for the worst then leave you in the dark . His eyes glanced over at him and he just nodded.

”Yeah, but I don’t have much here, never have it wouldn’t be shit for me to use the money I have and hop on a greyhound or something..” He was trying to sound strong but you two saw right through it ,he probably barley made $10.00 a hour. All the money he had would probably only cover the bus ride and one night in a motel .

“Pull in here …” he instructed as calm as ever noticing his blacked out Jaguar parked behind a semi. You could feel the car start to slow up, before actually coming to a complete stop right in front of the driveway, he was having second thoughts, I mean not that you blame him. “I really wouldn't do this If I were you” you heard a deep slow exhale leave Taehyung’s body as he adjusted his gun in his hand “Don’t push me, would you prefer I just let you pull the trigger yourself? Because you essentially digging your own grave right now, pull. in.to .the driveway...now.” Taehyung’s voice was barely above a whisper but the authority behind it spoke volume as his eyes cut over to the drivers, You felt a knot form in your stomach..praying the driver wouldn’t do anything stupid. You watched his grip get tighter on the wheel, knuckles flushing the palest shade of ivory, the headlights caught Taehyun’s men’s attention.

Two of them started walking over..trying to see what was taking so long now it was 1 against 4. You watched his eyes flutter as he let out a low defeated sigh while putting the car back in drive, once pulled in Taehyung’s men were quick to yank him out the car, slamming him against the hood “HEY! Mazda..chill he’s just a kid..leave him be…I got this…I got him…” shoeing him away as he stepped closer. Once Mazda released him you watched him drop to the ground it was almost like his entire body caved in.

Taehyung walked over, opening your door “Hey,Can you go stand by my car baby doll? I just need to have a quick word with our little buddy over here..”

Your brow immediately arched so much attitude laced across you face as you crossed your arms against your chest..for one..the pet name threw you off..and two since when are you not allowed to be in on business conversations? Incase he forgot you were BOTH kidnapped, he detected you weren’t pleased letting out a deep huff, leaning down sliding his tongue into your mouth effortlessly. Forcing his way in with such ease..it was so quick you were almost confused it happened, yet somehow he was able to explore what felt like every inch of your mouth.Causing you to moan against his tongue, it was crazy how easily he could get to you now.

”Please, I need him to talk and I don’t want the two of us tag teaming him...promise I’ll fill you in once we leave...” His plea came out in a low whisper.. As his hand massaged the back of your neck…how could you say no when he just kissed you like that, more importantly he was right. This kid was fragile It was clear that Tae cracked his shell a little, in more ways than just utter fear. Letting out an exaggerated huff as you hopped out of the car, but of course because your, you a dramatic exit wouldn’t be complete without you rolling your eyes at him. In which he just chuckled while you swayed past ,placing a quick pat on your ass as you headed towards his men .

Taehyung crouched down in front of the kid, that was now sobbing. Planting his hand on his shoulder “Hey..” his tone was somber trying to get his attention ..”I’m gonna help you out a little..you can keep the car, my men will give you a new plate and some cash…but I need you to help me out first…” His eyes widened..after hearing that. In all honesty he probably did not have the money for a greyhound, and if he had a car…he could maybe sleep in that instead of a motel and save money.

Nodding his head eagerly in response “What the fuck was this about?” Pausing for a moment not sure if he was having second thoughts or just trying to get his thoughts together, so Tae thought he’d try to coax him along “Listen, If I wanted to hurt you, I would’ve done it already…and I still can, Not to sound like a total dick but what happens to you once I pull out of here has no affect on my life.”

Pausing purposely really wanting that resonate with him, making sure he understood that Taehyung really didin;t have to help him.

“I’m trying to help you, but I need you to help me too..do you understand?“ Still keeping his voice calm even though at this point he was about out of patience this boy had about 2 seconds to speak…and it was clear he picked up on it

“Yes….” His almost passive response was met by Taehyung's unforgiving glare, play time was over..he needed answers. “I-honestly don’t know the reason…the guy who comes into the packie they call him Zeb, but I don’t know if that’s his real name. it’s-it’s not like they told me hey we’re planning a shoot out, but I was at the party the whole time as a server. They told me to go in and interview, I guess they were hiring more people for just that one event .I -I did have a que to leave..it was prior to the shootout..so I guess that technically clarifies they were in on it.”

Taehyung’s eyes studied him as he talked, watching his mannerisms, his eye contact..eye movements..even the way he was fidgeting. Trying to see if he seemed..genuine or rehearsed “Only other thing I know is Zeb is usually always with someone, but the day he brought me my clothes the car was different. Memorable I guess? Typically he was always in something I don’t know more low key..this one was an old school candy apple red corvette…I don't know if that helps but..that’s all I got, a possible name and a car...I’m sorry. I’m just really sorry...” Throwing his hands up while letting lout deep exhale,body still trembling slightly but Tae could tell he felt relieved to get that off his chest. To be honest, it didn’t really help, the problem is..Marco probably had new men because none of Leos would help and Tae didn’t know any of them yet. But the car was definitely something to look out for, and he could also do some snooping on Marco’s soilders at a later date.

Giving his arm a squeeze before standing up with a slight smile,abruptly signaling for his men to come closer “Jhonny, Benny search the car first, make sure there isn’t anything we need…before he leaves. I want a full z30 on this bitch, head to toe! Twice if you have to, run over it with a BL when your done to double check, also leave him with a envelope…” Finally bringing his gaze over to this child, not even asking him,what his name was. I guess Taehyung felt he deserved to keep that to himself, he was already thrown into way more than he bargained for. He seemed so overwhelmed by it all, I don't think it really set in until now. “Take care of yourself kid! Use the money wisely…just lay low for a little Im sure this will all pass ”

The boy sniffled and nodded, “Thank you!” Was all he was able to croke out before turning back to Jhonny for further instruction.

While you stood posted against his car, you were actually too far away to hear what was discussed, his face had you curious. A couple guards, were sprawled around you after what happened earlier they’d be damned if they let you out of there site. Walking up to you, grabbing your waist pulling your body into his, massaging your ass in his palm, fuck it felt so good to have him like this. To have him this close outside of sex…don’t worry you still knew better but fuck it felt good.

“Were about to head out,you wanna run in there and grab yourself something to keep you Preoccupied before we go?” Waiving a 50 in your face, with a slight smirk. Snatching it right out of his hand like a big kid as you skipped into the gas station. His eyes immediately shot over to one of his men, in which they took the hint with the quickness to follow you into the store. The minute he heard the door close behind you, the base in his voice echoed throughout the almost empty lot, he was cutting into his men, hard. While you were picking out all of your goodies you heard a couple loud thuds outside not even wanting to know what was happening .

The sound clearly startled the clerk as he went to check outside, and you knew this wouldn’t be good. Both yourself and his guard ran out behind him, only to find Tae, striking the icebox with his fist. Each grunt that left, his chest subsided little by little. “Hey! what the hell do you think your doin man!?”

Shit, shit shit, he actually yelled at him, clearly he didn’t know who he was dealing with.. I mean yes obviously Tae is destructing his property so he has every right to be upset this just..fuck this wasn’t a good time to address him in that tone of voice. “Nothing to see here man I’m just leavin..” His tone of voice was alarmly calm in contrast to the blows he was taking to the iceox as well, as his bruised,slightly bloody knuckles. God he had such nice hands why did he have to fucking attack the icebox! His eyes gazed up at the clerk jaw tight, while his hand rested on his hip, suit jacket, no I’m sorry let me specify his Versace suit jacket was on the ground in front of him.

The sarcastic chuckle echoed across the empty parking lot “Are you fucking kidding me!? You’re damaging my property and your bitch over here has a bunch of shit in her hand she didn’t pay for..” You went completely wide eye and actually speechless at the derogatory slur as you honestly didn’t realize you had the stuff in your hand, before you could even say anything you found yourself distracted by Taehyung. You watched his expression change it was almost like he backed out, strolling towards the clerk slowly..too slow actually “You know what man..your right I’m sorry let me pay you for the damages..” None of you expected that..his tone even changed..it as lighter..a slight smile moved up is face, as he cranked back decking the clerk dead in the face. He was literally on the ground, blood oozing out his nose, while Mazda reached over to grab Taehyungs blazer off the ground.

Tae singinally for you to come in his direction with his middle finger and you followed. Purposely stepping over the “gentleman” as you walked, lightly digging the heel of your red bottom in his abdomen as you amouvered over him. You heard he rasp our the word “Bitch” causing to to turn around, pressing your heel firm against his throat, until he was damn near crying “I’m sorry what was that!? Yeah like I thought, who's the bitch now!” Tae’s grip on your arm was damn near the only thing stopping you from legitimely gouging his adam's apple out with your shoe!

“I really should come back and unload a good 15 rounds through this bitch!” Pausing slightly..letting his eyes scan the perimeter of the gas station “Actually..meh..I still might..oh have fun getting that nose realigned, you got a bit of a hump anyway..maybe they can even that out for ya!!“ Turning away slowly taking his time strolling back to the car, hands stayed connected to your waist the entire way, his grip was firm, wasit flesh to your ass. As dysfunctional as it may sound, seeing each other in this element was one of your biggest turn ons you’d consider it a knink but I dont ink there a “mob/mafia” kink list. Both of you guys equally powerful, and dangerous in your own right. He felt just as secure with you as you did him!

The plan was standard...simple, Taehyung would drive you two himself, but one of his men wouldn’t be more than 10 feet away as you guys commuted through the city. The drive from the gas station to the bridge was about 35 minutes. Upon crossing the bridge the other 3 cars would tail him as he crossed into the city. The driver that would ghost him the whole drive had a very standard car, just a black chrysler 300 nothing that would seem suspicious or draw attention, under the hood it was a damn monster but he the surface it was low key. Taehyung on the other hand, he was a different story, not sure why they brought this particular car for him. It was a matte black Jaguar F type, it had racing tires and a turbo engine and sat lower than it’s supposed to. Point being it looks like a race car, you just felt like it would draw attention to him, not too familiar with who ran this territory as well as how clean there cops were. The car just screamed “Money..” so you knew he would catch people’s attention just out of curiosity. Taehyung’s tires alone were enough to get him flicked, but he was a drifter, so more than likely he asked for this one.

All four cars pulled out together and actually stayed in a straight line a good 3 miles. So much had gone on you didn’t even know what time it was, the party started early..around 5..so between that and the commotion it was only pushing 11 at night. Taehyung’s hand found a firm grip on your thigh as he drove.. Not saying much, and you were fine with that, you knew he had a lot on his mind right now. You felt his palm starts to massage your thigh, slowly making its way higher, and higher..eyes fluttering over in his direction while his stayed focused on the road. The sound of some form of R&B floated through your ears in the background, you were tensing your thighs not giving him what he wanted. You could feel, his nails digging into you until you spread your legs the way he wanted.

“God your so damn sexy....” Always down to give you endless amounts of praise.

Letting his index finger sooth up your slit and your eyes glanced over at him, his jaw laxed and his neck reclined, there was nothing sexier than the way he reacted to your body. You could’ve sworn he was the one getting pleasured with the form of euphoria he was in. His fingers rocked up and down your clit ,rubbing gentle circles, you could phsycaly hear how wet you were …his fingers were damn near sticking to you. “Tae..” Reclining back in your seat, letting your eyes flutter shut as you spread your legs even further, the needy cry left your lips as he slid two fingers in.

“Baby, your already soo fucking wet, fuck, goodamn” His voice was so calm., and so smooth, as it laced through your ears, it was almost like you could feel every words course through your body. Going in knuckle deep making you slouch down completely in your seat, tightening your walls around his fingers “I know you fuckin love it when I get angry, You were standing over there with no fucking panties on just dripping down your thighs weren’t you baby? This pretty little pussy was just throbbing for me..” He continued to work you with his fingers, adding a third, as he curled them against you.

“Yes, fuck you already know how much I love it..oh my god you feel so good!” He continued to work you, while you felt yourself run down your thighs and his custom leather seats ..until you heard the GPS cut in letting him know he’d be turning in a half mile. You knew at that point once he entered a main road he’d need to focus. Needing him to stop before you got any closer you took a firm grip on his hand pulling his fingers away and lacing them into your mouth with a moan, purposely as you knew how much he loved that…a hiss left his lips as he watched a slight chuckle leaving your lips as you pulled away. His hand landed right back on your thigh, still keeping a firm grip on it,, almost as if he didn’t want you to forget what he could do at any second..You watched him approach the fork in the road and you knew that’s where they’d separate. The road was quiet..didn’t seem like there were too many business on this side of town slightly rural.

While stopped at a light you both watched a black car pull out a lot and turn into the lane to your right, it was a standard cadillac, the windows slightly tinted . Neither of you seemed concerned Taehyung’s eyes did cut over quickly just out of habit, once the light turned green the car hesitated, it was almost like he purposely waited to go, wanting to be a couple feet behind Taehyung . It didn’t take long for one of his men to notice as he creeped up his speed a little to lock in the space behind him, incase this guy tired too. “Who the fuck are you..” you heard him whisper out to himself, he didn’t seem concerned, moreso intrigued.

‘Don’t worry boss I see’em” The voice that came through the speaker was Mazda, Johnny and himself are Taehyung’s right hand soldiers and he was also one hell of a driver. Taehyung sped up purposely to see if the other driver would react and he did. The grip on your thigh got tighter and you already knew you needed to make sure your seatbelt was buckled as tight as it could. “Once the light turns green, I’m blowing all of em the next 4 miles ..” He spoke into the speaker , Mazda didn’t verbally respond but you heard him pump his gas a couple times, causing a mischievous smirk to move up Tae’s face “Thatta boy..”.

The minute the light went green, he eased into it..staying at a steady 40 for a minute before quickly moving up towards 90. Blowing through the next 2 lights, as he approached the 3rd he clearly had a split second decision “Hold on love” He was still pushing 90 when he cradled the wheel in his hand, making tight, tightttt turn, completely spinning around in the center of the road. No other car would be able to handle a turn like that, thank God the road was pretty much dead or else you probably would have shit a brick with how fast he whipped that turn. Driving back in the opposite direction, before making a quick right down a side street. You heard tires screech and a slight thud, which Taehyung ignored if anything, the caddy hammered the break trying to keep up with Tae and whip that turn and Mazda purposely tapped him to give you guys time to speed off. His eyes glanced down at his Gps, noticing 2 streets down, was a dead end residential cul de sac. Easing down on the gas he turned down the side street. Upon approaching a stop sign he knew he needed a place to lay low for a couple minutes.

One if his best skills is being quick on his toes deciding he was going to his left,pulling up just enough to turn around. Shutting his headlights off heading down the side street, in reverse,not even sure if you could breathe at this point. Bagging into the driveway of the house at the end of the street. All the lights were off but it as clear people were home, fingers crossed know one looked out there damn window. “Where did you go!!?” Mazda finally spoke out probably tired of trying to find him. Taehyung had a tracker on the car he was driving but no one had one on his. Not trusting the possibility of someone snatching one of his mens work cars.

“I see you, stay where your at..I’ll be….” Pausing mid sentence watching a car creep down the opposite end of the dead end,but he actually had his lights on, another rookie move. You could tell by how slow he was driving he look for you two. “There ya go..keep drivin’ buddy..” you felt his hand massage up your thigh, just trying to keep you calm. Squeezing his hand a little to let him know you were still good, even though your stomach was in 23422 knots you were still good. “Find me a busy Main rd, now! Unless you want to just start firing rounds at every damn car that looks suspect , so yes that means I’m firing rounds at every fucking black car I see …” you could hear it in his voice , he was tired, cranky,and fed up ! In his mind there’s no reason he should’ve been in this position to begin with. You watched his GPS reroute him, keeping his lights off until he made his way out of the subdivision. Once turning onto a back road, you watched Mazdas car pull into the left lane and it wasn’t long before that Cadillac was back.

“Alright buddy you wanna run , we can run !” Taehyung pressed on the gas , he could see a pretty busy intersection approaching at the end of this backroad.“How much do you trust me ?” He quickly glanced over at you honestly not sure if you wanted to respond.

“Ughh, Fuckkk, more than I wanna admit ,why?” He could hear the timidness in your tone, not responding just smirking down at you with a dark chuckle that made your stomach turn. Reaching down to grab your hand, intertwining your fingers with his, he could sense you were nervous..pulling your hand up to his mouth leaving a couple delicate kisses. Fuck who was this man!?? Because this is not at all what your use too..Once the arrow turned green to approach the intersection he hit the gas to damn near a hundred and so did the Cadillac “Fuck Tae!!” You gritted our through clenched teeth. This street was busy really busy, as he weaved his way through lanes . In and out, in and out until he got were he needed to be, at this point the cady couldn’t keep with his his speed, skill or the aerodynamics of Tae’s car which allowed him to do this so effortlessly. There was only one turn needed before it was a straight shot to the bridge . The light was yellow , and you guessed it he blew it , turning red right as he was turning , taking a tight grip on the wheel spinning, damn near doing a burn out into the turn lane. “Kim Tae-fucking -Hyung” you damn near screamed at him and all he did was laugh as he barely merged you two in between a truck and a semi that was also pulling into the lane from a gas station.

It felt like your heart was in your damn pinky toe as you waited for the light to turn green. The minute the tail of his car pulled into the lane a truck blew by, if he miscalculated even by an inch you two could’ve been dead ! He smiled his big boxy grin back at you , and you couldn’t help but laugh “Shit Tae I almost pissed myself! What the fuck!” Punching his arm playfully even though in all honesty he deserved it . Leaning over placing a ton of messy kisses all over your face as you tried to swat him away, to be honest you did love the adrenaline rush, it didn’t take long for your yelling to turn into laughing!

Remember how I said he wouldn’t make impulsive dangerous decisions with you around? Well that was only if he wasn’t the one in charge, Taehyung was genuinely calm the entire ride. He knew how skilled of a driver he was and how much his car could handle. Even if it didn’t feel like it to you he was in control the entire time. The ride to the bridge the rest of the way was smooth . His men all tailing him when needed, the drive into the city was still another half hour though, the windows were cracked while Taehyung’s playlist streamed in the background the cool airbrushing over your skin made you doze off at some point. Glancing over at you periodically as the wind dusted over your body, you looked so beautiful and so peaceful, he literally wanted to scream, he found himself squeezing the wheel tighter than usual. Almost purposely wanting to inflict more pain on his already pulsing hand. How did he let himself get to this point with you? And why can’t he snap out of it tonight? It seems like everytime he catches himself, he slips right back into it.. He spent the entire drive home trying to wreck his brain, to rationalize what happened today. There just didn’t appear to be a point, it all just seemed like a waste of money and what was accomplished? Between the shoot out, ,the attempted kidnapping, AND who the fuck was in the Cadillac, and the red Corvette? Was this maybe a distraction for something bigger? Or was Marco just really this incompetent? Or were you two wrong was it even Marco? Who the flying fuck is Zeb!? The fact that nothing made sense..was unsettling to say the least, maybe that was the point…to make everyone feel uneasy…

Waking up to a couple airy kisses on your neck “Come on baby…” He whispered against your skin as your eyes fluttered open, you almost thought you were dreaming actually. He never used the pet name outside of sex, clearly he must be fucking delirious and exhausted … vision still a little blurry as you watched him walk over to open your door. Then you realized where you were, Taehyung owned a gentlemans club a really nice one actually it was in a 3 story brick loft, he had a secret penthouse apartment on the 3rd level. That only certain people knew about , it looked like something straight out of Aricturtial Digest . But due to the location Tae never kept anything..of value here, which may sound mind boggling as this place was lavish as all hell but the nice couches, the custom bed, full bar, walk in glass shower and blah blah blah, that didnt mean shit to him. Important stuff he stored, like pictures of his mom and family, gifts from his parents, family airlumes , that’s what mattered. Which he kept at his house which was gated , completely isolated and heavily watched. At the end of the day, yes this man loved a good Gucci suite but he knew what really mattered in life, and it wasn’t all this material shit. There was a separate closed off entrance to the building..it took you down alley..which was sandwiched between the club, and a packie that was beneath a small apartment complex. Your families owned the complex under a alailas LLC name as well, a lot of Tae’s soldiers lived in that building. There was “secret” back entrance ,a double sided iron gate, you walked through to a covered courtyard esque walkway that lead to the back door of the building in which you were both greeted by one of his guards.

“Bengie’s here by the way!” ..Bengie..short for Benjamin…slang for $100 bills..Bengie’s real name was Hoseok, he was there best launders, money, drugs, you name it, you figured he must’ve been here to either do a pick up…or a drop off on a run he just complete. He wasn’t to be fucked with, as he was also one of there cleaners if need be. Meaning if things got messy and someone had to be taken out….Bengies your man. Which is insane that he dose such a gruesome job because when this man smiles your face literally feels compelled to do it with him, like you don’t have a choice.

You two walked down the hallway,this wing of the building is where all the business that did not pertain to the actual club took place, The smell of expensive cologne and cigars hit your nose“ Hey, I need to make a couple calls, hang out here for a minute then will go upstairs for the night okay?” His tone was almost somber has he stroked your face, he knew you were tired..just nodding in response, as you continued to stroll down the hallway. Upon looking to your right you spotted a familiar face, the room was guarded instantly stepping aside once you go closer “Damn, they actually let your ass back over the border!?” Leaning against the door frame with a slight smile on your face as he glanced over at you. Always in black and always wearing sunglasses. He was tall. Not super skinny either, had a pretty good build on his, Dark locks that typically sat parted to the side, occasional falling in his face. Like Taehyung his skin also always kept a warm olive complexion but Hoseok in contrast to Tae, held a much thicker accent when he spoke. “Hi lovely” Smiling back at you as he strolled over giving you a warm hug. He always smelled amazing and he was fine, damn fine, but unlike Jimin and Namjoon, he was someone that could call Taehyung Tae Tae and he would answer. So you’ve never even entertained the thought no matter how good he looked! Also more importantly he had a lady..her name was Lola, but you all called her Bunny. On the surface she was a ballet instructor but behind closed doors she was one of the accounts within the circle.

Unlike Taehyung, he wouldn’t live in fear, no he didn’t broadcast it but it wasn’t necessarily a secret either.“I heard you two had an interesting night..”

Scoffing in response as you ran your fingers through your hair“Yeah something like that, I still don’t get what really happened, just seemed like a damn mess to me ”

“I literally wanna rangle his throat, I can’t stand the kid, I already told Tae next time I see him I’m knocking his ass out, bottom line!” You watched him stuff some packages in a black leather YSL overnight bag.

“Where ya headed?”

“Hong Kong, then I’m stationary for a little bit. Thank God Bunny’s ready to kill me..” Smiling over at you as he continued to pack, still blew your mind that he did the type of work he did..he just doesn’t look like the type. But that’s what makes him perfect for the job.

‘Hey Luxx? V said he’s ready when you are!” Almost jumping at that offer god you were so ready to get in bed.

“Okay tell him I'm on my way..” The guard nodded before stepping out and you walked over giving Hoseok one more hug before you left. You hugged him tight, you always did, he had one of the riskier jobs and you just never know..you never know. As cynical as it may sound, in this line of work, nothing promised, nothing.

He chuckled a little once he felt the grip you had on him “Don’t worry sweetheart, I always find my way back home..You know this! I got too much to come back to, to go down without a hell of a fight!” Glancing back at you with a wink before giving you one of his infamous big smiles, that again it was impossible not to do in return.

~~~~~~~~

The two of you made you way up to his apartment, ironically it always seemed like you ended up here around the same time frames . After 10 when one or the both of you were feeling needy. Like I mentioned it was beautiful the man had great taste. You could either take the stairs or a private elevator both were key coded, and I believe his apartment door was literally bullet proof. Not that it mattered there was always a guard posted outside the door. It was a very open floor plan, 3 bedrooms, 3 baths, a walk in closet, full bar, gorgeous hardwood floors with high ceilings, exposed brick throughout.Taking your coat and shoes off you sat on his plush California King, when you watched him stroll over in your direction, only removing his suit jacket at this point slowly placing his hands on your waist “So, I know I said we could go to bed..” the minute he said that you rolled your eyes…already knowing were this was going “ Butttt…I gotta meet with Hoseok before he leaves for Hong Kong…” You couldn’t help but pout, you understood but you were feeling selfish you didnt care you needed him your thighs were still throbbing.

Picking up on the oblivious pouty lip he climbed on the bed hovering over you, letting his lips brush over yours “But, go get in the shower, relax a little and when I get back up here….” He started leaving kisses down your neck, sucking down on the already bruised skin from earlier in the night. “ You know I’ll take care of you, I always do. I’ll eat your pretty little pussy until you come so hard you can’t see straight..” He breathed out against your neck as he hand crept up your dress, Teasing your slit with his middle finger as you arched into his touch.

“Tae..” The breathy cry left your lips, as he slowly slid two fingers in , rocking them back and forth..pulling out to lace his tongue around them. Licking your juices off his fingers like it was the best thing he had all day “Soo fuckin good” . A cocky smirk left his lips as you whined once he pulled away

“I promise I’ll be back baby! I’m gonna turn on the shower for you before I go, if you need me call me, but Brice is posted outside the elevator if you need him.” You heard his voice echo off the marble walls of his bathroom. Placing a quick kiss on your forehead before heading out the door.Far too tired to dissect the sudden subspace he seemed to have crept into were he actually acted like he had feelings.

Rolling out of bed you walked into his bathroom, it was all gray and white marble, his shower big enough to fit about 10 people and it had 4 shower heads,. Throwing your hair in a bun you stipped down before stepping in the shower. Just sitting down on the bench letting the water and steam consume you as you tried to relax. You stayed in there for maybe a good 20 minutes the sinks were on the opposite side of the room behind a wall, wrapping a towel around your chest you walked over wanting to brush your teeth before getting in bed you noticed a familiar box. It was from Agent provocateur, you felt like a kid on Christmas. Who didn’t love surprises, you honestly we’re not sure if he was serious or not when he said it in the car. it was really sexy that he wasn’t afraid to pick out what he liked. It was a 4 piece set, a bra, suspender, panties and thigh highs for the suspenders to hook through. All 3 clothing pieces had black trim, the actual material was a mesh tuell, so the bra panties and suspenders were completely see through with slight black and silver glitter throughout. The underwear were a cheeky fit, and the bra had amazing support , the pieces just hugged every inch of your body perfectly.. Taking your hair out of the bun, lathering your body in lotion before putting the pieces on, giving yourself a couple one overs in the mirror. You couldn’t even deny it, you looked good, damn good! Walking out of the bathroom, strolling into the bedroom you were too focused adjusting the straps to the suspenders to notice was was standing in the doorway. He cleared his throat and you instantly snapped up, eyes meeting his with a slight smile as your ran your fingers through your hair, strolling over to the bed slowly, making sure to let your hips sway as you walked. He watched your every move carefully as you readjusted on the bed, reclining on the bed slightly keeping your eyes locked with his.

You’d never get over the way he looked at you in moments like these, it’s what kept you coming back. When the two of you had sex, all his walls came down that’s when he was vulnerable and affectionate, the first time he ever called you baby was when he buried deep was inside you, hand around your throat making you cum. Typically that’s the only time you heard that name until tonight.. You watched his eyes trace over your slowly , letting his tongue trace over his bottom lip taking in every inch of you. God you looked even better than he imagined . Still leaning against the door frame, hand in his pockets, head resting against the wall he hadn’t said anything yet and it was killing you . It was like he could sense it though the minute you went to speak up “I don’t know why you’re staring at me like that you know what position I want you in . You’re only torturing yourself I’m sure your already soaked, lay the way I want you…” His voice was so calm, yet so assertive, and he was right you were already soaked, the sound of his voice alone did things to your body that you couldn’t even explain. You could tell the mood he was in tonight, not wasting any time your rolled over, crawling up the center of the bed. Getting down into one of the deepest arches you could! You heard a deep growl leave his chest as he walked towards you .

His hand soothed up your ass slowly before slamming back down on it hard causing your whole body to jerk. “Don’t make me have to tell you what to do next time, you already know what I like..” You felt the bed shift as he crawled up the bed , lips finding their way up your back as his hands massaged your shoulders, Letting his hands palm your hips and he gently grinded his clothed body into yours, just teasing you for the hell of it. Digging his thumbs into your sides “Fuck your so perfect, god. Look at you.” The sound of his voice almost like he couldn’t believe it, couldn’t believe he got so lucky. Marveling at how amazing you looked in the mesh material, how confident and sexy he could tell you felt in it. His hands moved up the front of your body, massaging your breasts through the thin material as they traveled. Letting one hand find a place around your neck, With a firm grip he pulled your body against his, making you flesh with his chest. Reclining your neck against his shoulder as he sucked on the skin beneath your ear. His other hand teased your bottom lip as he watched you suck his fingers into your mouth, a slight moan leaving your lips.

“Your so damn sexy you know that? ” his words coming out almost as a moan as he rocked his hips against your ass, sliding his fingers out, creeping past the hem of your panties to massage your clit. Digging your nails into his arm your neck rolled back on his shoulder, grabbing the back of his neck, pulling his lips down to yours. He kissed you hard, lacing his tongue against yours as you moaned out into his mouth, deepening the kiss bringing his hand up to cup your face, while his other left your core to squeeze your ass. “Bend over for me baby..” Re adjusting your body in the same deadly position ou started in, like he said earlier he loved you ass up , lingerie. Grabbing both thighs he let his hands roam your body, starting by massaging your hips as kissed his way up the back of your thighs. Slowly making his way over to your ass alternating between kisses, and digging his teeth into the sensitive skin leaving small little reminders that every inch of you was always his regardless.

Breathy moans left your lips and your hands palmed sheets in anticipation “Baby , have I ever told you how perfect your pussy is ?” Before you could even respond you felt his finger hook the material out of the way.. his lips kissed up your folds . While his hands massaged your ass, you could hear him moan against your core. Always sounding like he was genuinely enjoying pleasing you at first they were just simple kisses, the feeling of his plush lips along your core. Then suddenly his tongue got involved and your whole body jerked away from him , as you were caught off guard by the sudden feeling causing his hand to slam down hard on your ass again . Rule number one when he was in control he was in control unless he told you to move you didn’t move.

“Tae..” the cry left your lips so faint as you face meet the bed, keeping his tongue flat and complete extended from his mouth he made multiple slow long, strokes up and down your slit, occasionally teasing your entrance with his tongue. The grip on your ass got tighter , your body was still subconsciously jerking away from him, it had been literally almost 2 months since he tongue was on you like this, and you were so sensitive. “Be a good girl, you can take it..” Letting his tongue roll against your clit before sucking it in his mouth completely , while he effortlessly slid two fingers in, you were already dripping down his face.

“Oh fuck.” You felt your body jerk again but this time you accidentally slid further down on the bed, which was a mistake because it actually gave him better access. It felt like your mind went blank when he touched you, nothing else mattered all you could focus on was how fucking good you felt. As he continued rocking his fingers against you, long enough to hit all the places you needed while the moans leaving his mouth sent vibrations echoing through your entire body.

“God you have such a pretty pussy, always gets so fucking wet for me, taking my fingers so well..” He praised against your folds, which only made you tighten your grip around him “Arch up more for me baby, come sit your pussy on my face..” God the sound of that set your stomach on fire , flipping over on his back, he reached out for your hips. Placing you right were he wanted you. He always preferred for you to ride his face from the front, because then he could see every expression on your face. He had you your body slightly elevated so his fingers could access you as well. Snaking his hand behind your thigh sliding 2 fingers in slowly curling them upwards as he wrapped his tongue around my clit . Sucking in slowly and your entire body immentially tightened around him, thighs already starting to spazz.

Rolling his tongue up…and down ending the motion by wrapping his lips around the tip of your clit suctioning his lips around the nerve humming out, radiating vibrations through your core. . Treating your clit the same way he did your mouth, his tongue, licked, sucked, twirled, it’s way around every inch of your most sensitive area.“Oh-myyyy-fuckkkkk” it felt like you were straining to get words out, your body reacted to him like its been years since you been touched..like this.

Arching back slightly letting your hands roamed up the front of your body before finding their place in your hair as you started rolling your hips up into his mouth. Which he fucking loved, this man lived for you to ride his face. Reclining your head back,as your eyes fluttered shut .It felt like he placed his entire mouth on it , his tongue moved slow but wide …it was like he was getting in …every inch of you. Placing his tongue directly on the head of your clit ,flicking it…toying with you a little giving you the sensation of anticipation, your body jerking against his tongue every time. Occasionally teasing at your opening siding his tongue in:..and out …”God yes, fuck baby…”you were starting to grow more and more sensitive as he let his tongue mercissily attack your clit.

Thighs trying to clench around his head involuntarily, you could hear him growl against your dripping folds as your juices ran down your thighs and his face , as he’d yanked your legs apart so you weren’t restricting him. His hands steady massaging your thighs, moving to cup your ass so he could push you closer into his mouth.,You could feel him start to slow down and you wanted to cry you were so close and you knew exactly why. Looking down eyelids heavy only to find him looking up at you as he rolled his tongue against your core . He loved eye contact …every time you’d look away he slow down or smack your ass.. “Good girl” His words came out gravley against your center as he slid his hand back under your thigh to continue working you with his fingers. The base in his voice sending waves through your body “Fuck ..baby dont stop, don’t-“ As your msucles started to tense, his motions got more Intense sliding his finger out making you sit completely against his mouth before just applying steady pressure . Sucking on your clit until your entire body unravled above him and he didn’t stop .

Your body collapsed down on the bed over him as you clawed at his sheets, not even able to cry out anymore while your entire body trembled. Your mind was still hazy,you almost felt high you were on such a wave right now.His hands found there way to yours intertwining your fingers with his, but don’t be fooled this endearing moment was also a way to keep you put. He could feel how hard you were shaking and he didn’t ease up, keeping his lips pressed against your clit as he left faint kisses up and down your core, wiggling his fingers free, his hands roamed up and down your back as you tried to remember how to breathe. Wiping his face with his hand, as he smirked up at you.. Rolling you over gently he hovered over you, kissing your forehead, while massaging your thigh. Leaning down letting your lips connect to his, the taste of your juices fresh against his tongue as you moaned out into the kiss.

Panting against his tongue, while your chest felt like it was collapsing..thighs still spazzing even as you laid flat on your back “Breathe, baby breathe..” breaking away from the kiss to press his lips over every inch of skin he could reach in an attempt to calm your body down.

The moment was great until outta nowhere you heard a loud bang on his door the two of you couldn’t help but jump as his apartment was completely silent prior, “You have got to be shitting me..” He rolled of the bed beyond furious grabbing his gun off the table before walking over to check the monitor to see who was at the door. It was one of his guards and…Namjoon? You heard slight conversation but you couldn’t make it out, your body too weak to care honestly.

“Hey Luxx? Can you come out here for a second? “ Jumping of the bed, almost falling actually as your legs still felt like mush, grabbing a robe before tilting your head out of the room

“You have got to be shiting me! Do you know how long I’ve been looking for your ass!? Why is your phone dead!?Do you realize I could be sleeping or,getting fucked right now!? Instead I’m not I’m here but clearly you did so at least one of us are happy!” He was furious,But Taehyung and yourself couldn’t help but snort out a laugh at how angry he was.. and then it clicked, you kinda sorta forgot to call your dad. You stared back at him completely blank, I mean what the fuck was there for you to say? You fuked up..

“Really luxx? You know the way Sunny is! Are you trying to get my dick cut off?Have you forgotten how much you beg for this thing?!You heard me tell him I’d-!” Even Though his tone was slightly playful he was serious, he promised your dad he’s get you out safe, so it wasn’t a good look by any means that it’s going on 230 in the morning and he hadn’t heard from you. He was honestly probably planning Taehyung’s funeral as we speak.

“Shit, I know, I know,I’m sorry, I’m really sorry tonight was just..a mess! Joonie call my dad please.“

‘Sure..” His tone was beyond dry he was officially done with you for the next few days at this rate. Placing the call on speaker you heard it ring, and your stomach turned

“Talk to me kid, did you find her?! God I swear If not I’m gonna kill Tae-”

” Hi dad…” Trying to sound as sweet as possible but that shit wasn’t flying…’

“Are you fucking kidding me !? God your lucky your my baby girl because if you were my son I’d bash your head in in right now, I’ve been having a heart attack! If it wasn’t for Taehyung having the common sense to at least call HIS father. I wouldnt have a clue where you were! Shit Y/N..I’m just..” The more he talked the calmer he became...originally his tone was on 10..damn near screaming through the phone “I’m glad your okay especially after what happened with Park Jr tonight!! I just- I’m just glad your okay…!” his tone now went from calm went to almost..exhaustion but the more important thing in all of this ..what the fuck happened to Jimin!?

All three of your faces reflected confusion and concern “Dad…” Your tone indicating you needed him to go into greater detail…there was a slight pause before he continued which only had you more concerned .

“He’s fine, at least in comparison to the guy who tried to hit a lick on him. I don’t know for sure..he got a phone call from someone who he thought was one of the caregivers…but apparently it wasn't…” Your brow furrowed in, in frustration, and confusion honestly. He was being very vague which was frustrating to say the least

“For what? Tree? ‘ Taehyung cut in. Your father let out a deep sigh it was clear he didnt wanna get into this tonight.

“It was laced, purposely it was a special batch that was intended to go overseas..actually it’s one of the batches that’s supposed to go with Hoseok…Which I’ve already dealt with by the way.” You all still stayed quiet, there were too many missing pieces to this story. But more importantly, somethings wrong..really fucking wrong how are people suddenly infiltrating your circle so easily!?

“Alright, well with that being said, meet at the ferry at 1..were going to the Island to meet Dino for dinner..please don’t call Jimin let him rest, he’s still a little bruised up, he will be there tomorrow! Luxx, baby I love you, Taehyung, thank you! ..thank you..Joon, sorry she wasted your night! “ He hung up after that, abrupt and in true Sunny fashion, granted it was pushing 3Am though. Still he didn't even wait for any of you to respond, because he didn't want one. Not in the mood for a million questions while you 3 just kinda stared at each other mind fucked.

Dino was Leo’s brother, the island was private property and you guys owed a ton of land over there, and ran some of your business on that side of town. The air stayed silent until You heard a morbid chuckle come Namjoon’s direction “Tomorrow’s gonna be fun..well, it’s late, as hell and I’m exhausted so I’ll see you guys at 1 ….apparently! Lux I’m still mad at you..but I’m just glad your okay!” You smiled back at him,. Reaching over to give him a quick hug mouthing out “I’m sorry” as you pulled away.

“V, always a pleasure man!” . Once he walked out, Taehyung’s eyes cut over to you, He was pissed, his word was all he had, so he still wasn’t happy that you never told your dad you two were okay..even if it wasn’t until you guys back to his apartment that’s still been damn near 2 hours! He didn’t say anything as he grabbed a glass off the counter, that had some sort of Bourbon as he walked over to have a seat on the couch.

You let out a whiney sigh before following him, crawling over to straddle his lap, he wasn’t happy, not even a smile in site “Baby I’m sorry..I’m sorry…”

Taking the last sip of his drink his brow raised in slight amusement of your whining “Mmm,you’d be really sorry if one of your uncles showed up here with a gun to my head huh?” His tone was stale, fuckk you were in trouble..You were pouting and he didn’t care, he straight faced the hell outta you. Leaning down you nuzzled your lips in the crook of his neck, while your fingers worked the buttons of his dress shirt, leaving kisses down his neck to his collarbone. Once his shirt was unbuttoned your hands went to work his belt buck, he still didn’t say anything eyes trained on yours,.Pulling the zipper down, you started palming him through his boxers.

“You can look at it all you want but it’s not gonna suck itself” There was no sense of warmth in his tone at ll yet, for some reason that turned you on even more. He lifted his hips a little so his pants and boxers weret adding pressure, he was already semi hard, which isn’t surprising. Damn near everything you did turned him on “Don’t even think about..” you looked back at him in confusion as to why he would stop you from sucking him off “Take your damn robe off..you know better” How could you forget again..ass up, untying the rob letting it fall where it landed “If your good maybe I’ll play with your pussy while my cocks in your mouth, I’m sure she’s still soaked, probably actually getting wetter as I speak…” His tongue laced his bottom lip as he watched your every move.

Lowering yourself, placing your tongue right at the base licking up slowly, lapping your tongue around the tip and back down the other side .Repeating the motion until he was completely coated, breathy moans started to leave his lips as his hand found the back of your neck. Once you knew he was lubricated enough you took half of him in your hand and the rest in your mouth. Placing your lips on the tip, going as low as you could before you started to gag “Fuckkk, that’s it baby…” Pulling back you spit slightly on his tip letting it drip down as you started to work the base in your hand, bobbing your head, letting your lips touch your hand every time so every inch of him was covered. Moaning out against his cock as you honestly enjoyed pleasing him hearing his low gravely moans because of you were one of your biggest turn ons. You felt him start to palm your ass with his opposite hand, still keeping one in your hair. His fingers started teasing your slit which was still drenched “Fuck baby, your still so fuckign wet, you like sucking me off baby? Does it make your pussy wet knowing how good you make me feel ? Fuck you take me soo well.” He started rocking your body as he worked you clit causing you to bob your head harder but he wasn’t too rough so you didn’t mind, as he slightly rocked his hips into you.

“God, I love fucking your throat” Your moans against him got even louder as he started rubbing your clit more aggressively before sliding two fingers in. You keep bobbing your head and working him with your hand, as you got closer to the tip you’d suck down a little harder knowing that was his soft spot. Your eyes fluttered up, just in time to watch his close in pure pleasure as he sunk down deeper into the couch.You could feel him pushing harder and harder against your tongue and you knew he was close. Pulling back you swirls your tongue around his tip a couple time before fully deep throating him. Letting him hit the back of your throat everytime he actually loved hearing, and feeling you gag around him. You knew your limits though, almost able to take all of him in once you were warmed up enough, throat completely relaxed.

“Fuck, keeping going baby, make me cum, I’m so close Y/N fuckk..” You couldn’t even believe the sound of his voice right now it was soo deep, and breathy he was so vocal tonight and fucking loved it. You felt the grip on your hair get tighter and you swatted his hand away from your clit, you knew he was close and having him working you while you worked him was too distracting while trying to get him off. Too fucked out to even care as he looked down at you with hooded eyes. Taking him back in your hand while you worked the tip with your mouth, applying more pressure towards the tip you feel him start to throb repeatedly and you knew it, he…was cumming “Fuckkkk” he looked, and sounds so good when he comes, the words coming out in a low breathy moan as you watched his chest rise and fall. Not pulling away until you made sure you took all of it, not leaving a single drop. Releasing him from your lips with a loud “POP” as you smirked up at him, gripping your waist he yanked you up on his lap. Gripping the back of your neck, crashing his lips into yours. Taehyung actually loved the taste of his own cum, your tongue lathered along his was the only thing he wanted while his body was fully coming down from it’s high.Grinding our hips into his as he kissed you even deeper, he was still moaning into your mouth , and you felt like you could come all over again just from that alone.

You felt him start to laugh into the kiss before pulling away “I’m still mad at your bratty ass.” A snarl left his lips as he swatted your ass, just plopping your head down on his chest, not even bothering to respond. You just sucked the life outta his dick he’d get over it. Wrapping one arm around your waist the other found you hair, gently running his fingers through the strands. Before you knew it you fell asleep,his first instinct was to move you, it felt ..too good to have you that close to him like that. But he didn’t, to be honest he needed it because he couldn’t sleep, way too much on his mind. They found his driver and he was pretty banged up. “Justin” is just a generic name for the driver, trying to keep them as close to a John Doe as possible.., he actually wasn’t sure which one of his guys were picking him up. It was Andre and he was 19…the youngest person on the team and the ONLY reason he’s involved is because he’s one of his father’s guards son.

To make it worse it was his first and probably his last job,due to him technically getting car jacked that’s a pretty legit and unfortunately common thing so he was taken to a regular hospital. All Taehyung could think about, was due to Marcos ignorance two young kinds got fucked..he was furious ...and now Jimin. He may have technically been one of your fathers men but you guys all worked together..it took everything in him, not send his men to drag Marco back to him by the balls! It also didn’t help that he couldn’t figure out who was tailing him in that car. The one thing Taehyung always had was control…and it seemed like that was slipping away away between work and you, he just couldn’t shut his mind off. After getting zero sleep he decided to make a trip to the hospital around 6am to see Andre!

Not sure when he put you in the bed, but clearly it happened at some point also removing the lingerie as he knew it had to have been sticky and uncomfortable by now. You were woken up by the sound of your phone having a seizure as your assistant was calling. Once you looked down you noticed it was a quarter to 10 “Yeah..” Your throat was raw as you spoke, you could blame a combination of Taehyung and lack of sleep

“What are you doing about clothes? I’m assuming you don’t have any with you sooo..am I bringing this rack over and your makeup?” Rolling over on your back letting out a deep so breath, fuck you were still tired “Ughh..hold on a sec” You could hear the based in his voice from across his apartment, you knew how iffy he was about just anybody knowing he also lived here. So you thought you’d ask if he’d prefer one of his guards to grab your stuff. Placing the call on mute you through on a rob as you were completely naked and you didn’t wanna run the risk of someone being out there, making your way to the spare bedroom you knocked on the door frame. It was open but out of respect for his call you wanted to give him a heads up, he was speaking in his native tongue and you were pretty sure it was his father.

Due to doing a lot of business in Korea you understood it a lot better than you spoke it, you could already tell from the tone of the conversation it wasnt good. Smiling up at you he signaled for you come in, placing whoever on hold “Yes?.” you could tell from his voice and his eyes he was stressed and tired, dressed in a all black, black fitted bomber jacket, black veck, black skinnies, black boots, and a black hat. To be honest his outfit choice was kinda casual for him, granted everything was designer and still probably 2 grand on his body but..you just knew he was in a mood, and this was going to be a long ass day.

“I need, my clothes and stuff, well actually I guess I could get ready at my place…” Having a split second decision as you honestly didn’t stay over long after sex not that he’d ever put you out.But let’s just say you’ve been there done that and it typically dosen’t end well. Yet his face almost looked annoyed once you said that..

“Actually I just sent Jhonny to get you breakfast from you favorite little cafe up on 22nd he can swing by a pick it up.. You had a long night.. Just relax…” Pausing for a second as you clearly didn’t expect that, and you weren’t complaining .

“Oh..okay..thanks..so that means you got me waffles?” Your tone showed you were uncertain and he just scoffed rolling his eyes

“Yes..” While in contrast he was clearly saying “No shit!” without actually saying it

“Well you know I like Powdered su-”

“ Really? Luxx get outta here I know what I’m doing!” Swatting you out the room as he stepped back on his conversation, and now you couldn’t help but roll your eyes, taking the call off mute “Hey..yeah Johnny’s gonna come get it, so just pull a couple pieces off the rack, and grab my makeup bag, the big one with the standard LV monogram has everything I need in it..k..thanks!”

Your curiously got the best of you as you lingered by the door, from what you can make out it sounds like a distributions went south. You guys dabbled in a ton of trades one of your most successful outside of drugs? Counterfeit goods, especially luxury ..the irony in that right? All the people that buy high quality “designer” things on Amazon and AllieExpress and etc that know there knock offs, or from The Alley in LA. There's a good chance they came from your shop one way or another..even if your just the person that provided the connect..that still came at a fee. Both of your fathers owned a couple shops that produced the goods. It seems something went wrong with one of the freight trucks but you couldn’t really understand it. But since it’s business you were also involved in first hand you knew you’d hear about it so you gave up on trying to translate, heading back to his room, deciding you’d shower, brush your teeth and curl your hair since you at least had your flat iron here and hopefully by then you’d have clothes and food.

Before hopping in the shower you tried giving Jimin a call but he didn’t respond, you couldn’t help but get concerned when a couple minutes went by without him reading your text. Part of you wanted to send one of your men by his house, and or the dispensary but you decided to stop acting psycho and wait until you saw him at 1!Halfway through doing your hair, Tae came into the bathroom, you had your headphones in so you didn’t even hear Johnny come back. Standing in front of the bathroom mirror in nothing but a sheer pink bra and panty set, of course you had a ton of lingerie here if nothing else. His hands cupping your ass as he entered the room, already having your waffles on the plate, Whipped, creamed, powdered sugar, and strawberries already on top. You couldn’t help but smile at the fact that he got your order right, but you weren’t going to say anything but thank you, this man’s ego is big enough.

“Yeah I know I’m the shit, now stop doing you hair and eat, because you know if it gets cold you won’t eat it!” He was right you hated cold food and you weren’t a fan of microwaving shit either.

“But I’m doing my hair, this is a process if I stop I won’t wanna finish..” Rolling his eyes and he leaned against the wall

“Right, but again, your bratty ass does not eat cold food Luxx, what the hell do you want me to do? Feed you?” You actually hadn’t thought about that but it didn’t sound like a bad idea, You shrugged batting your lashes at him, a dramatic sigh left his lips and he walked towards you “Oh fuck me” you could help but laugh at his angry mumbles

“Wow, wait till all the guys hear about what there boss did…” Smirking over at him as he picked up a waffle on the fork, eyes meeting yours completely unamused

“If you tell anybody I did this I’m never giving you head ever again! Now open your damn mouth” Almost choking on the first part of that but you knew he was all talk he’d actually cave first.

He stayed pretty quiet at first while he fed you a couple pieces while you finished your hair, but you could tell something was on his mind “Hey, umm about last night, -” You already knew where this was going, letting out a deep sigh as you rolled your eyes,.

“Kim Taehyung if your standing here about to apologize for actually being human for once and just living your life.I’ll burn your ass.”

“Luxx-” He tried to cut you off, and he got off the counter..stepping back from you a little.. tone surprisingly calm in comparison to how harsh yours was but you weren’t having it.

“No dude FUCK THAT, I thought we squashed this shit MONTHS AGO!!” Your voice echoed off the walls, you were literally screaming, you never yelled at him before, not even if it was work-related.

“ I’m so tired of this, I guess I must just be real fuckin’ stupid for repeatedly putting myself through this!! I’ve known you for damn near 17 years ! Okay, neither of us has ever said he wanted this to be an actual thing, but fuck! You’re exhausting…how can you keep switching gears!? You literally bought me out a $500 lingerie set, just because. Yet we’ve never gone to dinner, or even hug out... just the two of us without you having to relate it to business. “Oh let’s go out to dinner to discuss this new deal..” Yeah sure Tae let’s go out to dinner at 11 at night half drunk to discuss fucking business!”

Your eyes shot over in his direction surprisingly he gave you direct eye contact, jaw tight..letting you have your moment. But to be honest, for some reason it only made you angrier ”Or fuck just remove me from the equation, in general, your like this with any girl you’ve ever entertained! In case you forgot the night your mom died..mine did too! I felt the same fucking pain as you and I watched my dad crumble the same way! But I didn’t let that fucking tarnish me, believe it or not I’d still wanna fall back in love one day! We can’t change the life we’ve grown up in, and in all honesty, for the most part, were pretty fuckin lucky! But as strong as you are with everything else..it’s almost like you’re so terrified of your life that you won’t let yourself Live it fully..”

It didn’t even feel like you took a single breath while you spit all that out, not having the energy to continue at the volume you were originally. “ I mean shit It’s almost like having a sugar daddy at this point..” The minute you said that his eyes cut over to you, the look he gave you was cold, he didn’t ike that ...at all.

“You know exactly what I mean Taehyung, No emotion right? The only time you let me feel something is when your balls deep in me! The way you were yesterday…I’ve only gotten that once in a blue moon and that’s fine if that’s the way you want this to be. But you need to get your shit together stop playing games..it’s either black or white because clearly, shades of grey stress you the fuck out!”

Whipping your flat iron across the room, not even caring that it splattered along with his marble.

“It wasn’t supposed to happen like this...I don’t know how it got to this point...” He was looking at you but he wasn’t really looking, damn near looking straight through you...

“It’s not even just that, It concerns me, with everything you deal with that your so closed off, maybe ‘i’m being naive and assumed because you at least show me more affection even if its brief…. than you’ve showed anyone that I’m..like…I don’t know.. fucking special or something and you’d-” A dry scoff left his mouth as you said that, instantly pissing you off as you weren’t even sure how to interpret that! Was he agreeing you were naive? Was this secretly how he treated other girls?

“And what the fuck is that supposed to mean?” Your tone was stale, and lacked emotion at this point because why should you be the only one showing any? The room fell silent for a moment and to be honest, the silence was awkward, to say the least. Clearing his throat as he walked towards the door, leaning against the frame…

“It means as a man, it’s my job to keep the people I care about safe and I can’t even do that right now.” You watched him fiddle with the two Cartier rings on his fingers Clearing his throat again before continuing “ I can’t even keep my men safe right now, and I hate it! It was Andre by the way..he was the driver who was supposed to pick me up..now he’s probably going to spend his 20th birthday in the hospital having fucking surgery, because of me. That alone kept me up all night, now imagine if that was-” He cut himself off, shaking his head, almost like he was telling himself to stop, not even wanting to continue that thought,you watched his nose twitch as he huffed in a deep breath.

Your mind couldn’t help but wonder where he was going with that.. Yet as frustrated as you were you felt for him when he said that and you were sure your facial expression probably reflected it. Regardless of the fact that his father still ran their circle along with his brother over the past year Taehyung has been given a lot more authority to run his own trades. So with that being said his men weren’t his father‘s responsibility they were his and I guess you don’t really think about it because you’ve been treated like an adults your whole life but most of the men calling him boss are old enough to be his father. Yet in his eyes it’s his job to keep them paid and even though a lot of them are technically his security he feels like it’s still his job to try to not put them in positions where they have to risk their lives for him constantly.

At the end of the day regardless of how smooth it was running you guys don’t just own a couple Dunkin Donuts and call it a day,it’s still drugs, weapons,counterfeit goods and even the occasional “Hit teams”. So yes, granted Taehyung should be a little heartless and removed when it comes to business, but not his personal life and that’s where he was struggling.

“Again, I’m sorry about yesterday, your right, I can’t do shades of grey, I was...I was just having a moment. Were different people Luxx just because your so willing to subject yourself to that kind of pain..doesn’t mean I am… I can’t!..And I won’t apologize for protecting myself…I’m not my father…” His voice broke slightly as he finished his thought….

“Like you said it’s either black or white, we both knew what this was when it started and somehow it drifted away from that. It’s on you, if you wanna take it back to how it was…or let go...”

Your jaw clenched involuntarily as those words left his lips, he was right, shit had shifted, and you’d prefer if you were both on the same page. You just couldnt wrap your head around the fact , that that’s where he took this..so willing to disreagred that fact thst theres clearly so much more than sex here..so much more! Damn fear held that much power over him huh?!

He was also very mono tone as he spoke, no emotion came through, he looked fuckng exhausted. It was clear everything that was going on was eating him up…regardless that broke your heart.

“Okay?” There was a slight inflation in his tone for the first time...you silence catching him off guard.

“Yup, I got you…”There wasn't even a word to describe the amount of sarcasm and pettiness that left your lips right now.

“Y/N-”

“I said, I.Under.Stand….V I got you..” The slight change in the way you addressed him has his eyes bulging out of his sockets. Ya know he actually had the nerve to look somewhat hurt? A dry scoff leaving his lips. A ring on his cell pausing any additional conversation.

“Alright, well, I’ll be downstairs let Brice know when your ready to go….” He wouldn't even fucking look at you, It was crazy how he already seemed emotionally disconnect from the conversation. Yet no matter how pettie you were being you actually wanted to cry.

You heard him walk out of the apartment. About 10 minutes went by of you just sitting on the counter, sobbing actually, it just felt like everything was sitting on your chest. To be frank you weren’t sure exactly what made you breakdown.., your head hurt, actually correction your entire brain hurt, from Marco, to Taehyung, to the distribution truck, Jimin now Jordan ..it was just a lot! You finally pulled yourself together though, you didn't have a choice, your original plan was to get all glam and wear a dress and thigh highs but the ambition for that went out the window, If you didn’t look like death from your previous night you wouldn’t have put on makeup. Throwing on a pair of blacked out aviators letting Brice know you were ready to go. To your surprise once you got in the blacked out Escalade Taehyung was also in the backseat. He didn’t say anything , and neither did you, the ride to the ferry was silent but luckily for both of you having business to attend to on your phone not as awkward as it could’ve been. You got one glance at him, as his eyes cut cross to your window once a red corvette drove by… the look in his eyes were different, his eyes looked more prominent. They actually looked slightly puffy..had he been crying!? You knew better he’d rather shank himself then cry…but it definitely looked like it!.

Upon pulling up, you were confused to say the least “What the fuck” Both breathing out in unison actually, which is the first thing you two had said to each other since your argument. The state trooper was there, and so was damn near everybody else..what I mean is, all 3 of the families involved, anybody that worked close within their circle was there. Meetings never went down like this,,,usually they’d just get conferenced in. There was a good 35/40 people waiting to load this ferry, expect Leo’s, you figured they were already there since Dino called the meeting.. Fuck even Hoseok was there..why the hell was he not on his plane to Hong Kong!?

Then you also noticed Namjoon, Jimin,Bunny..shit was serious if they were all here. “Yeah because this doesn’t look sus or anything!” You breathed out in sarcasm, while a low chuckle left his body yet he still hasn’t said anything else to you. Both exiting the truck going seperate directions. Hoseok’s lady noticed you right away running over to give you a hug “Luxx!!” Squeezing you tight, before descending into casual conversation which you were only partially listening too. She was a complete sweetheart, and honestly perfect for Hoseok! But your eyes couldn’t help but trace Taehyung. He just seemed like he was on an extremely short fuse today, didn’t matter that you were upset with him you still cared, always would. As you all waited for the Ferry to load, you watched a red porsche pull up which didn’t mean much to you at first, then you recognized it. That was Leo’s it was his prized possession actually he rarely..rarely drove it!

Marco and one of his men stepped out the car “Fuckk..” it came out as a low whisper while your eyes immediately shot over to Taehyung, luckily Hoseok wasn’t far behind. It was clear Marco wasn’t invited though, some of the guards appeared to be asking him to leave. Originally blocking him from everybody else but Tae pushed his way right through the line, he didn’t need or want security right now.“Nah please let him through,so we can welcome him to the family properly..” Hoseok breathed out with a sly smirk and you knew this wouldn’t end well, these two were trouble together, have been since high school. Believe it or not Hoseok had an even shorter fuse than Taehyung. Everyone started to crowd around them them, blocking your view, which only gave you fucking anxiety.. As you started walking over in that direction..”Fuck yeah, where’s your boy from last night!? How’s his face feelin? Ya know if need be and he’s in a lot of pain I know a guy who has great bud!” You couldn’t see him but you could hear him, Jimin found his way over there.You could hear voices bouncing off of each other but it was getting harder to tell who was who until…

“Did you really show up here today? Are you really that fuckin stupid?!” You knew his voice anywhere..the base shot through everyone else and all you could hear was him, followed by a loud eruption of pure chaos..

There ya have it! Lol sorry it’s long hope you enjoy..

part 3 is up

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weshallneverrevolt · 5 years

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B&C Behind the Scenes: Retro Video Capture On a Budget

People who follow Bread and Circuses know that the blog is dedicated almost entirely to pop culture analysis. But people who are my friends also know that I’m a huge geek for computer hardware. So today, you’ll get you a man who can do both. This is my first behind the scenes feature, where I talk about crazy learning experiences in being a small-time YouTuber. This piece will be very technical, so I don’t blame you for skipping it.

The next project for Bread and Circuses is a full documentary and retrospective on Final Fantasy IX (2000, PlayStation), maybe the most important game in my life and one of the best RPGs ever made. Due to the scope of the video, I’m replaying all the original Final Fantasy games for the original PlayStation to jog my memory and give context for the less researchy parts. I am doing this on original hardware and a tube TV, without resorting to emulation or the re-releases. And I’ll be recording the entire game.

The choice for original hardware came for a few reasons. For one, the newer ports of Final Fantasy games are…mixed, at best. IX’s updated ports feature higher quality models and cutscenes, but the backgrounds are blurry, the new fonts and interface are hideous, and the overall “feel” of the original game is somewhat lost. As inspiration for writing the script, I also want the nostalgic experience of how I first experienced the game.

With that being said, I had a major hurdle to overcome: how do I record 50+ hours of gameplay from a 1995 console?

Step 1: Capture Setup

Most game capture these days is done in two ways: via the device playing the game, or via a capture card. The first method is quite easy on PC: you just fire up Open Broadcaster Suite, use a quick setup guide and you’re good to go. This is what I’ve done for all my videos thus far.

For modern consoles, you can use an HDMI capture card like the Elgato HD60. The cards aren’t exactly cheap, but they’re affordable enough for most streamers and let’s players.

But there’s one problem: both the original PlayStation and PlayStation 2 do not have HDMI output. The early model PS3s can play PS1 games and have native HDMI, but they are rare, expensive, and often break.

While you can buy HDMI adapters for the OG PlayStation, they are spotty in quality and present yet another challenge: such adapters often introduce noticeable input lag. Though FFIX is not a fast-paced game, the lag is still bothersome. They also don’t work with my tube TV, which is critical for my desired creative process.

That leaves me with two capture options: composite or S-Video. Composite video is the little yellow guy you used to plug into your tube TV. It looks decent on those, but when captured digitally, the blurriness and drab colors are immediately apparent. It’s for this reason that I purchased S-video cables; without going into boring technical detail, S-Video delivers far richer colors. Because the adapter includes both, I can output to my TV and computer at the same time with no additional equipment!

Speaking of adapters, the PS2 also has the option to output component video, arguably the best analog video available. While capture solutions exist for component video, my tube TV does not accept it. So to use component, I would need a system of complicated adapters and converters to both record on my computer and play on my TV at the same time. It’s too much hassle for not enough results.

So instead, I did some research and bought this little guy: the Hauppauge USB Live-2. There are many adapters like it, but Hauppauge has brand recognition in this area. This adapter also uses 4:2:2 chroma subsampling, meaning that it sacrifices very little in color depth compared to some cheaper models. It plugs into any USB port.

My tube TV only supports mono sound, which means it only needs one audio cable. I hooked up the left channel (white cable) to my TV, and the right channel (red cable) to my capture card. When outputting FFIX in mono mode, both devices receive the same sounds, and the music doesn’t suffer from missing stereo effects. Perfection.

Step 2: PS1 or PS2?

So as most people know, the PlayStation 2 is backwards compatible with original PlayStation games. The method by which this is done, however, differs based on the model.

Early PS2s have an actual PS1 processor on their motherboard. For the PS2 it’s used for sound and input/output, but when playing a PS1 game this CPU is instead, providing nearly perfect PS1 support. Sony actually did the same thing with the first PS3, but soon realized it was very expensive and scrapped it.

For later models of the PS2 – the slimlines – Sony switched to software emulation to save costs and space. The software emulation works very well, but it is just that: emulation. It is very rare for emulators to be literally perfect replications of the original experience, and Sony’s for the PS2 – called POPS – is not 100% accurate. I also don’t have a slim, so there’s that.

But I’m getting ahead of myself. I first dug out my old PlayStation 1, purchased new in 1998. While the system itself still works shockingly well (despite some skipping during movies), I quickly ran into a problem: the PS1 outputs at 240p. For the uninitiated, video nomenclature like 240p refers to the number of lines in the image along with the scan type. So 240p means there are 240 lines of pixels in the image, and they are updated progressively, meaning all at once.

Older tube TVs can accept 240p input, but output it in interlaced form. This means that the TV quickly updates every other line of the image, rather than the entire image at once. It works pretty good for this type of TV, but on a modern monitor introduces some problems…which I’ll get to in a bit.

Image from dummies.com. Fitting.

However, this was a problem for me because my new capture card did not accept 240p input. I tried countless times to get it to accept PS1 video, and it just didn’t work. However, I noticed that my PS2 did. That’s because the PS2 outputs by default at 480i, an interlaced mode that my capture card accepted.

So I opted to use my “fat” PS2 instead, which is a SCPH-30001 model, purchased new in 2001. It includes the original PlayStation chip, and – to my enormous surprise – read my original Final Fantasy IX CDs perfectly. Because the PS2 accepts PS1 controllers and PS1 memory cards, it was an almost flawless version of the original PS1 experience. Awesome!

Step 3: Recording

With setup out of the way, I got to the final step of the project: actually recording digital video.

I use Open Broadcaster Software (OBS) for all my video and streaming projects. It’s free, powerful, and pretty fast. My capture device was immediately detected by OBS, but there was one immediate problem.

Remember the interlacing I mentioned earlier? When you display interlaced video on a progressive screen – AKA any modern flat-panel monitor – you get a horribly ugly effect where the video seems to be ripping itself apart. This is called combing, and it sucks. Thankfully, OBS supports native deinterlacing, so I was able to fix it right up.

That being said, let’s break down the different parts of recording with OBS:

Resolution: the PS2 outputs in 720x480 pixels, but my videos are at 1920x1080. However, recording at 1080p requires more hardware power, so I get more definition at the expense of less overall quality. I chose instead to record at 720p, which is closer to the PS2’s native resolution and allows me to capture better colors with less blur.

Framerate: this is where things got interesting. I master all of my videos at 60 frames per second. Very, very few PS1/2 games (FFIX included) hit 60fps, because the hardware of the time just wasn’t capable of rendering graphics that fast. However, they do output at a 60 hertz refresh rate, meaning that the image updates 60 times per second even if the console doesn’t actually produce new frames that fast. So if you record at under 60fps, you get noticeable judder in your footage. That being said, 60fps was a requirement.

Encoding: I wanted to get the highest possible quality picture. My computer has a Ryzen 5 1600 processor – a capable mid-range CPU – and is excellent at software video encoding. I used the OBS x264 encoder running at medium quality. Any higher than medium and I started experiencing skipping footage as my CPU went to 100% utilization. I gotta admit, it’s pretty cool hearing my computer fans kick into overdrive as the CPU is pushed to its limits.

Bitrate: I’m recording a lot of footage here, so while I needed high quality, I also have to keep storage limitations in mind. I did some experimenting and decided on a bitrate of 9000kbps, still above YouTube quality while also saving space. This also means that each hour of footage is about 4GB; given that FFIX is about 40 hours long, that means roughly 160GB of footage for the game. Not bad, considering.

Deinterlacing: OBS presents a slew of options for deinterlacing your footage, and the differences can be tough to spot. The only option that gave me zero trouble – no juddering or excessive blur – was Yasif 2x. I also increased the brightness and saturation to make up for some of the analog video deficiencies.

I’ve included sample footage below, along with pictures of my setup. If you’re an aspiring retro YouTuber or streamer, feel free to PM me with any questions. This stuff was kinda intimidating to figure out and I’m happy to help!

Until then, I’ll be in Gaia. Or Terra, once I hit Disc 3.

Jon

Full Setup

Cable Routing Detail

The TV inputs run through this old AV hub I dug up from my teenage bedroom. This lets me run the cables behind my desk to keep things a bit neater. I say a bit because you can still see the cables back there, but that’s showbiz, baby.

Sample Footage

youtube

#ff9 #ffix #final fantasy ix #retro #gaming #ps1 #ps2 #playstation #capture #hauppauge #video #editing #project #documentary #video essay #criticism #games #2000s

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trifoliate-undergrowth · 5 years

Text

Episode 4.2: Steve: The Intergalactic Kevin

DM: By popular demand, one night only, a largely improv emergency meeting. If you drive me to alcoholism I’m billing you for therapy.

T: M, if you get sued for therapy bills, it’s coming out of the wedding budget. (T and M got engaged over Christmas break)

Everyone: OOOOOOO

DM: Corellia is one of the major core worlds, in a system with 4 others, but it’s the largest and closest to the main star; part of the Republic but maintains its own navy. Its main specialty is shipping and transportation.

Grif: OK, here’s the thing. I’ve been thinking about what you said, Rralwarr; the ship is a death trap, what if we turn it on them? Like, booby-trap it with bombs, set it to fly off somewhere on autopilot, and when they board the ship it’ll blow up with them in it hopefully. Now, there’s a couple more things you guys will hate.

Taveau: Oh I’m liking it so far.

Grif: You won’t. We’ll need to leave some things behind to make it look like we died. Your armor for one.

Taveau: Ex-CUSE me

Grif: ...and three bodies off the black market. Also a wookiee pelt.

Rralwarr: HOLD UP NOW. If I see someone with a wookiee pelt, I’m going to rip their arms off.

Taveau: Grif? You... seem to be taking this well. Uh, more or less. So, uh. I’ve got some stuff to mention.

Grif: Go ahead.

Taveau: Here’s what I noticed... First, we assist in killing a member of Death Watch; they’re killed with a blast to the throat. A short amount of time passes, and in that time, two things happen: we get a message from Death Watch, showing that they know who we are. And someone kills your mother with a blast to the throat, which is exactly the way that we killed the Death Watch guy down on Hypori. It doesn’t seem like a coincidence to me. It seems like they’re trying to send you a message. And if I’m right, that means there’s already someone on Alderaan, and they know where to find your family. I still think we should change ships, because if there’s anyone following us, it might throw them off, and we’ll have fewer of these guys waiting for us when we get to Alderaan. But we should do it fast.

Rralwarr: Right. Here’s my concern, Grif; I think these guys are smarter than you think. I don’t think your dad is safe, and I think he said what he did at gunpoint. Your dad isn’t that stupid. There’s something else going on here.

H, OOC: Rralwarr feels torn that he cannot uphold all of his duties at once. He legit thinks Grif’s idea is mildly OK, aside from the wookiee pelt, but no matter what they do they’re going to end up fighting the Mandalorians.

Grif: Right. So, any way we can get back at them now is a good start. We need to lose the ship that they’re tracking, and we need to get back there as quickly as possible. This idea seems the best for doing that without getting anyone else in danger. If we just leave the ship on Corellia, we could be implicating the people who end up with it.

Rralwarr still doesn’t like the idea of wookiee pelts. He leaves the cockpit.

Taveau spins around in his pilot chair. “So. Uh, he’s upset. How much family do you have on... Alderaan, is it?”

Grif: Yes. My dad and uh.. a bunch of siblings.

Taveau: Oh, that’s not good. If it was just your dad they’d be more likely to keep him alive to use against you. If you’ve got multiple family members they could start killing them off at any time.

No one questions Taveau’s knowledge of Death Watch, to my surprise; apparently they just assume it’s cultural knowledge and accept it. Taveau is very relieved about this.

We land on Corellia, and Grif’s current plan involves selling the ship to someone, because “we need the credits”, but setting the autopilot so it flies away before they can claim it, and hopefully getting off the planet before we’re arrested for this little scam. Taveau doesn’t like it but doesn’t have a better idea. Rralwarr really, really doesn’t like it but is in a similar position.

Taveau leaves his helmet in the cockpit, so he can have an excuse to run back into the ship after it’s officially been sold and grab it (and also set the autopilot at the same time). Additionally, with his poncho covering most of his armor, he can walk around town looking like your average shady individual, and not a distinctly Mandalorian brand of shady. Upon us asking what the chances of being attacked around here are:

DM: There is pretty heavy police presence here, CorSec does not take kindly to disruptions. ...(repeats, pointing at M/Grif): CorSec does not take kindly to disruptions...

M: That’s why we need to get out of here fast after we set the autopilot :)

DM: ...It’s not likely that Death Watch would prefer to start a firefight here. You’re heading into the Corellian Engineering Corp. headquarters, yes? You are immediately accosted by at least 3 dealers, complimenting your hair, your robes, and waving information pamphlets at you.

Grif: Thank you! Lovely! I’ll consider it. One moment. (OOC: can I roll perception to see who has the best deal?)

DM: yeah go ahead. (he rolls high) You notice this one guy standing back a bit, close to the wall--

M: I GO OVER TO HIM

DM: What do you say?

Grif: Ah! Interesting tactic, not rushing me~

DM: ...Roll charisma. (fail) Yeah he just kinda... gives you a slightly offended look, says “I’m busy” and walks away.

M: Oh.

Meanwhile, Rralwarr is hanging out in the courtyard near our ship, trying to keep an eye on our surroundings. He rolls a 9 on perception.

DM: ...Yeah, you don’t see anything unusual. You do notice a very fascinating fountain. You stare at that for a while.

Grif, meanwhile, heads for the table marked “sales and trade-ins” and identifies his ship type to the droid attendant. He’s sent out with a scanner team to check the condition of the ship.

Taveau, who’d started off to check out one of the other dealers, hears that Grif has it handled and, relieved that he doesn’t have to talk to anyone, rejoins Rralwarr. Taveau also manages to roll a 9 on perception (2, originally, with modifiers). He, too, becomes enamored with the fountain. He stands by Rralwarr and contemplates his place in the universe. While Grif accomplishes things, the two of them gaze at the fountain together.

Grif chats up the scanner team foreman while the rest of the dudes set up the scanner. Eventually they call him inside to look at something and Grif waits outside, tucking his hands inside his sleeves and gripping the tiny concealed blaster he keeps up one of his sleeves (which I only heard about very recently, and this makes me wonder if Taveau has noticed it. Possibly, as it seems like something he’d notice. But possibly not, because as we all know, he’s kind of clueless.)

M: Grif feels edgy.

DM: Do you mean he feels On Edge or is he just... intentionally acting as edgy as possible

H: Oh it’s definitely that

M: Edgy, probably. I mean it’s not like he’s actually going to shoot anyone, he’s just gripping his gun and feeling edgy for the sake of edginess.

There’s muffled conversation from inside. oh, really?...huh...well, that’s... interesting...

The foreman reappears, carrying a small device in his hand, and tells Grif that the ship seems to be in pretty good reselling condition, but the scan found a hyperspace tracker on the bottom of the engine. He’s guessing that they bought it from a secondhand dealer, as some of the less-scrupulous of those will often attach a tracker to a ship so they can track it down if payments aren’t met. He also volunteers that it only transmits when in hyperspace, and gives it to Grif when he asks.

(Lore-wise this tracker bugs me a bit because hyperspace technology was considered brand new in The Last Jedi, which is considerably later than the time period we’re playing in. I then consider the fact that we’re playing a game for fun and not accuracy and that it’s a cool concept and I tell myself to take a chill pill.)

Foreman: Also, you have excellent taste in rum.

Grif: Oh, yes! Why don’t we get it down, actually, to celebrate the sale?

Foreman: That’s not a bad idea. I’ll send the boys back early.

The Rest of the Party: * C O N C E R N *

M: guys I’m gonna be fine don’t worry.

And in fact Grif did not die. Grif didn’t even drink (rum). He had water, and he gave the rest of the bottle to the foreman as a gift, considering he couldn’t let Rralwarr see it with him anyway. The foreman, for his part, left in an excellent mood and promised to give his ship a really good report.

I think this may have been the first time Grif succeeded with charisma. M comments that, thanks to the character change, he’s more focused than usual.

We reunite and discuss an alternate plan, now that we have the tracker: take it with us on the new ship, hyperspace-jump to the middle of absolutely nowhere, fling the tracker off the ship and then hightail it to Alderaan. Taveau grabs his helmet and, taking the tracker along, we trade in our old ship for a shiny new one.

DM asks if we’d like to name the ship. H/Rralwarr don’t have ideas. M goes “yeah I don’t think Grif really cares right now.” So it’s up to me.

“...Steve?” (laughter. The DM is going to accept it) “No wait. The.... The Intergalactic Kevin.” (H really likes that one but I feel like I should come up with a name that isn’t a joke) “Wait, I’ve got it: Blindsider.”

A good name, as Taveau sincerely hopes that they’ll be able to reach Alderaan undetected in this ship. Everyone likes the name, the DM okays it, and we have a newly-christened ship (with two sonic showers).

Someone suggests that we get a party pet, some kind of space dog, and name it Steve: The Intergalactic Kevin.

Rralwarr, a little calmed down now that we’ve found a plan that doesn’t involve massive amounts of deception, swindling, and disrespecting the remains of the dead, goes to talk to Grif as Taveau is starting it up.

Grif: I’m gonna be fine, it’s just.. this entire day all I’ve been able to think about has been Alderaan. I wanna go home, but also I wanna stay away as much as possible. And when I think of Alderaan I think of mom, but she won’t be there...it’ll just be a house, it won’t be the same. And I still kinda wanna get back at those Mandalorians. But I know we don’t have the power to do that, and it just frustrates me.

The two share a moment. The moment is interrupted:

Taveau: HEY GUYS ARE WE TAKING OFF?

Grif: ..YeS

Rralwarr: Grif, I know you’re under a lot of stress, and I don’t blame you for your suggestions, and while your suggestion regarding the wookie pelts deeply offends me, I know you were more concerned with getting us off here safely than with how you did it, and I understand. Don’t do that again, though. You know very well how wookies treat their dead.

Grif: I know, trust me, humans are the same way. I’m sorry, I know that was out of place, and... I wish I could say that I wouldn’t have done it.

Rr: We’re at war, things happen... I didn’t have a better idea at the time.

Grif: also I’m still not certain that people won’t get hurt because of our ship.

Rr: there’s no perfect way to handle this. Let’s think of it this way: we’re going back to protect the rest of your family, they’re all targets; we’re all in danger now, we need to make sure they’re safe.

We take off, make the jump, and stop to dispose of the tracker. Taveau rolls really well on piloting and I decide that this ship has really easy controls. Here’s where Mistakes Happen.

Me: Can I do the honors of yeeting the tracker into space?

DM: Absolutely. There’s, like, a waste disposal hatch, and you--

H: You should roll dex for that!

Me: What? For shoving something down a garbage chute?

H: Yes. Because it’d be really funny if you failed.

Me:...ok

DM: Excellent! Roll!

Me:

Me: a 1

H: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Me: WHAT. WHAT HAPPENS TO ME.

DM: ....which hand are you using?

Me, recognizing that this is an opportunity for mercy and deciding not to take it: I mean realistically probably my dominant hand, which is my right.

DM: It’s stuck.

Rralwarr: I grab your arm and pull you out!

DM: And now your wrist is broken.

Me: GREAT. THAT WAS MY SHOOTING HAND.

Rralwarr treats me with his medic skills and fixes me up with a wrist brace. I’m told that I’ll be alright in a few days (presumably Rralwarr inflicted some sort of rapid-heal treatment upon me?), but I should, in the meantime, avoid stressing my hand. Specifically, I shouldn’t fire any weapons with recoil.

Yeah, good luck with that.

As we end the session, I ask H if Rralwarr has any painkillers. H says gleefully that he does indeed, and that he’s looking forward to seeing a high Taveau.

masterpost

#WELL THEN #star wars RPG #Taveau #YEP #slowly catching up to the present #this isn't the Taveau thing I was writing yesterday that's still coming

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mojo562j · 5 years

Text

My Living Nightmare Caused by Liver Disease

My nightmare started overnight, sometime in the spring of 2013. After 4 straight days of binge drinking, I woke up and immediately noticed my stomach was swollen as an 8-month pregnant woman. I lifted my bed sheets and saw a mixture of blood and pus running down my thighs.

I immediately rushed to the restroom to clean up the mess. Then, I urinated. The color was rusty looking- a mixture of orange and dark brown. I looked in the mirror and noticed that the whites of my eyes and the color of my skin was yellow.

I panicked. I knew I had a major medical problem.

I immediately rushed to the ER. The nurse drew blood, then the technicians performed an MRI and an ultrasound. About an hour later, the doctor sat beside me and regretfully informed me that I had liver cirrhosis. I quickly said, “please doctor, tell me that I can still drink?” He replied “yes, but you won’t live longer than three months” I went into shock. I couldn’t imagine my life without alcohol. Next, he inserted a thin plastic tube into my abdomen and drained about 9 liters of fluid.

Liver cirrhosis is a relentless, nasty, barbaric painful disease with no mercy whatsoever! Compared to others with this disease, my case was more severe. When I arrived home from the ER, I had a massive sharp pain running down my lower back and upper thigh, similar to a sciatic nerve, except the pain was much more intense.

The decades of alcohol and drug abuse suddenly caught up with me.

The doctor that diagnosed me with liver cirrhosis told me that he strongly recommended that I take the next flight back to the US. He informed me that the Philippines is a developing country and doesn’t have medical technology as advanced as the US. He said if I stayed there, I’ll probably die.

So, I bought a ticket for the next flight to the US, then walked to the nearest bar. It was July 18th, 2013, my birthday. It would be the last time I ever drank. I sat alone. I needed to mourn. I was devoid of any emotion. I remember gazing at the people in the bar. Most of them were smiling and laughing. However, for some strange reason, I couldn’t hear them-they were on mute.

I knew this was going to be my last drink ever. I suddenly felt like I lost my closest loved one. I relived the first time I took a sip of beer, at the tender age of five-Budweiser in a can. I remembered all the times I got arrested as a teen (13 times), for alcohol related offenses. I reminisced getting hooked on heavy drugs because of alcohol. I recalled my head getting bashed in the middle of the street by five Blood gang members from South-Central L.A. because of alcohol. I remember attempting suicide because of alcohol. I recalled the countless problems associated with alcohol. And now I am dying because of alcohol. It was at this moment, that I realized I hit rock bottom. The game was over.

So, I stared at the empty beer bottle. I had to say good-bye to something that I desperately clung onto for the past 35 years. I love the taste of alcohol. Until this day, I crave alcohol. I would much rather lock myself in my room and drink a 12 pack then go on a world cruise. You see, alcohol was my best friend, a substitute for a girlfriend, a father whom I’ve always wanted and most important, an escape from reality.

I am 53 years old, single and no kids.

I knew once I stopped drinking, I would feel like I was on national television, naked for the world to see. I would be exposed. There would be nowhere to hide. Nowhere to run. How would I adjust to living sober? What would I do every day?

When I returned to the US, my condition worsened. For the next three years, I suffered the following: nausea, vomiting, flu-like symptoms, anemia, insomnia, swollen feet, ankles and calves, Hepatitis C, type 2 diabetes, kidney failure, several infections, two hernias, gallstones, whole body itching, permanent loss of body hair, except scalp and facial hair, a constant metallic taste in my mouth, jaundice, sluggishness, bruises on my arms and legs, craters in my cheek bones and neck, nerve pain in my feet, excruciating abdominal pain, severe weight loss (went from 210 lbs. to 136 lbs.), swollen belly, diarrhea, anxiety, paranoia, massive hallucinations so intense that I fell into three comas, partial brain damage, muscle atrophy, severe leg cramps, extreme fatigue, shortness of breath, and sharp “stabbing-like” pains all over my body. I never imagined a dreadful disease with so many symptoms and so much pain!

Imagine having all of these symptoms for three years straight. Imagine having only one of these symptoms, such as the flu for 3 years straight. After a few months, I could no longer stand the pain. I wanted out. While in the hospital, three times I asked the doctors to put me under, permanently. They stared at me for a few seconds, turned around and walked away. There was nothing the doctors nor anyone else could do. If a liver is more than 75% damaged, it’s irreversible and irreparable. A liver transplant was my only option.

I recall never feeling warm. I was anemic. Even in the summer, I would wear a tee shirt, a long-sleeved shirt, 2 sweaters, and a jacket. No matter how many clothes I wore, I would still feel like my bones were in the freezer. The chill was relentless and wouldn’t go away.

There were many instances when I didn’t know my name, who I was, where I was, or what year it was. Every time I blacked out, the EMT always asked me what year it was and who is the current president of the US. I usually replied something like “1948. Bill Clinton.”

In late 2013, I had the scare of my life. My muscles were so weak, I couldn’t get out of bed for four days. I had no water during that time. I screamed for help, but to no avail. At the time, I was living alone in the Philippines. My parents hadn’t heard from me. They were worried and called the local Red Cross chapter in Long Beach, CA. A gentleman named Mike contacted the Manila, Philippine branch for assistance.

Suddenly, I heard my front door open. A doctor, nurse, a Red Cross volunteer and my landlord appeared at my bedside. I was briefly examined, then rushed to the ER. The doctor informed me that a human can go without water for about 6 days max. If it wasn’t for the Red Cross’s quick response in coordinating my rescue, I may not be alive today!

During my two-year waiting period for a new liver, the doctors refused to give me morphine. They gave me two reasons why: one, my liver was so scarred, they were afraid I may die since opiates damage the liver. Two, I was an addict. No need for further explanation. I was prescribed only small doses of Tylenol, which did nothing to alleviate my pain.

In December 2013, my kidneys started to fail. I was on dialysis to clean my blood 3x a week for about 18 months. I couldn’t urinate for about 15 months straight. My kidneys failed to extract urine from my body. All the fluids I drank remained in my abdomen. This condition is known as ascites.

Every 5–6 days my stomach would start to balloon. As a result, my abdominal organs would suffocate from the weight of the fluid. I suffered a constant shortness of breath. I would keep my mouth wide open, gasping for air until my jaws ached. I felt like a fish out of water. Worse, I would experience massive abdominal pain. It felt like an elephant stepped on my stomach and wouldn’t get off.

My most painful experience was after my liver and kidney transplant. My surgery took about 17 hours. I ended up with massive amounts of blood clots settling at the tip of my penis. The nurses had to remove them. Every 2 hours around the clock, for the next 14 days they used a motorized pump with a plastic tube the diameter of a drinking straw, shoved it inside my penis and sucked out the blood clots. The pain was excruciating and barbaric.

You have no idea how sensitive the inside of a penis is. Extracting the blood clots felt like ripping off a finger nail and repeatedly stabbing the top of the skin with a sharp knife!

When I was in the hospital, prior to my transplant, my step- father collapsed right in front of the nursing station from a heart attack. I think it was from all the stress. What better place to have a heart attack?

I felt so helpless. My mother is old and there are just the three of us. Shortly after I was diagnosed with cirrhosis, my step-father quit his job and didn’t work for four years, so he could help my mother take care of me. I was a handful. It took around the clock supervision to take care of me. I would constantly scream in the middle of the night from either scorching pain or hallucinations. Since my mother is old, my father didn’t want her to be my sole caregiver.

The scariest events were the hallucinations. These were worse than nightmares. Unlike a nightmare, you’re awake during a hallucination. In your mind, it is real- it doesn’t just feel real.

I suffered what is known as hepatic encephalopathy. This condition occurs when the liver loses its capacity to eliminate toxins from the bloodstream. As a result, massive amounts of toxins flowed through my brain. This causes mass confusion and ultimately hallucinations. At higher toxicity levels, coma and even death may occur.

The feeling is very similar to a bad PCP trip. Every time my toxin level would skyrocket, I had a horrendously bad trip. One older ER doctor told my mother he never seen a patient with such high levels of ammonia. He said that normal ammonia levels are 15–45. My level was 503!

Once when I was at the hospital, I thought the walls were infested with snakes. I could hear the constant hissing sound. I knew I had to get rid of them. I didn’t want them to swarm me. So, I grabbed my walker and strolled down to the cafeteria. Next, I went to the kitchen, grabbed a butcher knife and began cutting out the hospital walls! Pieces of drywall were everywhere. People were staring at me as though I had lost my mind! Security rushed me, tackled me and I ended up in restraints- one of 17 times during a three-year period.

Another time, I believed my sitting nurse was an alien trying to kidnap me and take me to another planet. This guy was intimidating. He was about 6′3′’, 270 lbs. I saw a syringe filled with what I believed to be poison in his left hand. I could hear the drops of liquid splattering on the tile floor as he glared at me.

My “captive” had an identical twin brother standing about 5 feet to his left. His twin was also holding a poison-filled syringe. They somehow managed to communicate to each other not through words, but via thoughts! I was horrified. They both had a stern look on their face. They constantly glanced at each other, then glared back at me. I sensed they were discussing which one was going to put me under. It was so bizarre.

I screamed and kicked so violently, security and staff had to restrain me. Without fail, the next day I awoke, strapped down with a rubber ball in my mouth, not knowing what the hell happened.

There was, however, one comedic event while hallucinating. At home, I was in the restroom for a very long time. When I came out, my mother asked me who the heck I was talking to. I paused, then replied “Calvin.” She said “Calvin who?” I replied “Calvin Klein.”

When I was on the toilet, I was staring at my underwear, which were down to my ankles. The name Calvin Klein was embroidered at the top. Apparently, I thought my underwear was the famous designer in the flesh! So, I’m sitting there, having a one-way conversation with my underwear! Don’t ask me what “we” discussed. I have no idea.

Another time, I believed several of my male nurses were posing as DEA agents. They were trying to arrest me. The DEA suspected me of assisting the Columbians with developing strategic drug smuggling routes to the US. The nurses wouldn’t stop staring at me. So, I waited until one of them wasn’t looking, and snuck up behind him. I stripped off my hospital gown, wrapped it around his neck and proceeded to choke him. Someone called security. When they arrived, I threatened them that I would choke the “agent” to death if they approached me.

I felt like an absolute madman. I recall that my eyes widened, and my facial expression looked like Charles Manson when he was pissed off. I remember possessing this enormous amount of strength. I had no idea where it came from. I threw the nurse to the floor like a ragdoll. For some odd reason I remember being extremely angry and paranoid. My toxin levels were through the roof.

Security kept their distance. I recall the presence of doctors, nurses and hospital staff in the background. The doctors were calm, but a couple of the nurses were hysterical. Security was ranting on their walkie talkies. About 5–6 minutes later, a handful of cops stormed through the hospital doors and surrounded me with their weapons pointed at me.

I kept hearing a doctor telling the police not to shoot-that I was hallucinating. A few minutes later, a nurse that took care of me and whom I was closest to started talking to me in a very calm manner. She kept telling me to relax, that everything was going to be ok. She kept telling me that I was under an enormous amount of stress and that I’m just having a bad day.

She kept asking me to slowly loosen my grip and relax. She then told me that my doctors will take care of me-that everything will be ok. At first, I thought she was part of the conspiracy. I was suspicious. However, I kept recalling how she always cared for me. I recalled the numerous times when she went beyond her duties as a nurse and was always there for me in my time of duress. She felt like a second mother.

About 20 minutes later my hallucination started to wear off. Since I trusted my nurse, I loosened my grip on the nurse that I had a stranglehold on. Next, the cops told the nurse to slowly stand and walk away. After that, the police started barking instructions at me. They told me to drop to my knees with my back facing them. Next, they told me to keep my arms raised high in the air. I complied. After that, they slowly approached me and told me to put my hands behind my back. Then, they proceeded to handcuff me.

A nurse arrived with a gurney. A couple of nurses lifted me on the gurney. The police immediately handcuffed both my wrists to the side bars. They wheeled me to the ER. A moment later a nurse injected me with a sedative. I immediately felt very relaxed and drowsy. Once again, I woke up the next day strapped to my bed wondering what the hell happened.

My ammonia levels were so high that I fell into a coma three times. The longest period was 23 days. About the 20th day, my doctors advised my parents to “get things in order.” They didn’t think I would make it. They feared my toxin levels were so high that if I awoke from the coma, I would be a vegetable. So, the hospital called hospice and they spoke with my parents about my living arrangements for my final days.

My mother fumed and told both hospice and my doctors that no matter what, she was not giving up. A while back, I told my mother if I was ever in a situation where I couldn’t make a life or death decision on my own, I didn’t want the doctors to pull the plug-no matter how much pain I was in.

When I awoke from my 23-day coma, I had no idea where I was. I felt as though I was a million miles from earth. Everything was extremely peaceful. I asked my sitting nurse where I was. He informed me I was in the hospital. I had no idea what a hospital was.

After I awoke, I was immediately bumped up the transplant list from #247 to #2. My failed kidneys were a blessing in disguise. My doctor told me that since both organs were failing, I had a much higher chance of dying. As a result, I was moved up the list very fast.

A couple weeks later, I was elevated to #1 on the transplant list. My nurse informed me that any day I should be expecting new organs. Cool. I asked her “how are the organs delivered?” She told me via helicopter. She said there’s a landing pad on the top of the hospital. I recall I would get excited every time I heard a loud noise outside.

Approximately 10 days later, my nurse rushed in my room and cheerfully informed me that the organs are on their way. She told me the doctor will call me soon to discuss the details. I found it odd that a physician would call me on the phone.

About 20 minutes later, the doctor called. He told me that he was at blah blah prison. He said a 41-year-old male just committed suicide by hanging himself in his cell. He informed me the prisoner was an organ donor. The doctor told me that the prison officials gave he and a couple of other physicians with him only 15 minutes to visually inspect the organs. The doctor told me the organs appeared to be fine. He asked me if I wanted them. Since I was very confused at the time, I replied “what would you do if you were in my shoes?” He paused and said, “I would take them.” So, I did.

Later, the doctors told me they had a difficult time deciding whom shall receive the organs. It was between me and the patient next door. They informed me they select the beneficiary that has the greatest probability of surviving the operation. I was told I had about a 50% chance of surviving the surgery. That was higher than the other patient. My doctor said the other patient was weaker than me, hence the reason they chose me.

Prior to my transplant, the strangest thing happened. Thoughts continuously flooded my mind, at least 500 times during a two-year period. They kept telling me to share my story at AA, NA and high schools. Never in my life had I experienced recurring thoughts with no apparent ending. What am I supposed to make of this?

I spent hundreds of hours thinking about this and the only conclusion I could make is that God put these thoughts in my head. What other logical reason could it be? So, I made a covenant with God. I begged Him if He let me live, I would spend the rest of my life helping other addicts get clean.

On August 5, 2015, at 11:00 am, I had a liver and kidney transplant. I must admit, aside from the hallucinations, it was the scariest event I’ve ever endured. I never felt so alone in my life. I never forgot what I was up against: heads I survive, tails I die. My destiny was completely out of my hands. At this point, there was nothing my family, the priest or the doctors could say or do to guarantee me that I would survive.

Well, the surgery was a success. It took 17 hours. I had no complications, except massive chronic back pain that shoots through my body whenever I move.

After the transplant, I often wondered how I lived. Why did I get so lucky? Was God looking over me all this time? Was it His plan? What did I ever do for Him to deserve this? For some strange reason, I feel that I am destined to live. Maybe He’s telling me that it’s just not my time to go. I don’t know. Even three years later, tears stream down my face for no apparent reason. Like now. I’m not quite sure if they are tears of happiness, sadness or the trauma I suffered. Perhaps, it’s a mixture of all three.

On July 18, 2018, I accomplished something I never ever imagined- I celebrated five years of sobriety from alcohol. It’s been an incredibly difficult journey. The old Joe always succumbed to temptation. But I’m not the same person anymore. I’ll be damned if I’ll go through another living nightmare again.

I’ve been in bed for the past eight years. It’s so frustrating because there is nothing I could do about it. My inactivity has caused my muscle atrophy to return. My legs are like jelly again. Also, my lower back scorches with pain whenever I move. As a result, I have to sleep sitting up. The pain is so severe, I’m in bed an average of 23 and a half hours a day. The only time I get out of bed is to visit the doctor. I tried walking a few times, but my knees buckled, and I fell each time.

I’ve seen three doctors so far. They did x-rays, MRI’s, and CAT scans but can’t find the source of my back pain. My insurance company won’t allow me to see a back-pain specialist or get physical therapy because I already seen three physicians. With your help, I plan to see a specialist and get physical therapy soon. Also, not only will I be able to walk again, but you’ll indirectly save other drug addicts’ lives. I know by sharing my story with addicts and high school kids, some of them will be able to realize the extreme psychological and physical trauma that alcohol and drug can cause and turn their lives around.

I always wondered what’s the purpose of life. I spent many years trying to figure it out. I can’t speak for anyone else, but I know what mine is.

My Living Nightmare with Liver Disease. Liver cirrhosis is a relentless, barbaric, non-stop, excruciating painful disease with no mercy whatsoever! Witness the real horror as it unfolds prior to my liver and kidney transplant. Please help me walk again by donating now-even if it’s only $5, it would help me tremendously! www.gofundme.com/dreaming-to-walk-again

Please share my story with friends and family so that I may walk again. Thank you so much!

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