#or commit tax fraud ya know

[pokemon-ranger-booker]

why tf are ppl allowed to own legendary pokemon? you shouldn’t be allowed to just HAVE historical beasts following you like a lillipup

i think it's less that people own them and more that they're tagging along for the ride for funsies. i mean some of them are literally gods yknow. like I don't think some random kid named N currently owns a giant electric dragon god that could kill him in one hit, I think the giant electric dragon god is just vibing in this realm and probably enjoys a good spicy poffin that that kid can supply easily. IDK why the legendaries usually choose the child vigilantes to hang out with but my guess is that they're like, oh this child was traumatized by having to fight terrorists singlehandedly. they can have a little godly company, as a treat

[originalcharactersexyman]

Hiya! Howdy! Id love to toss my goofy silly mailman tf2 oc in the ring if there were slots left! His names Brodie :> Heres his toyhouse

Meet YOUR 10th Class Merc. The Courier. His name is Brodie 

From New York! Go Yankees!

Around 32-34

6"1

Lets take alook into the past: For a lot of his life he has committed ,,, so much fraud. So much. All of it. Mail fraud tax fraud voter fraud healthcare fraud identity fraud. Even credit card fraud when credit cards came out in 1966.  Frauding it up ever since he was a kid delivering newspapers and snooping in neighbor's mail. 

Eventually his fraudulent lifestyle catches up to him and lands him in prison when he suddenly became the inheritor of a minuscule fraction of Australium. And a certain group of individuals did not take too kindly to some rando getting his hands on the  insanely precious resource.  In order for the Australium to be ‘misplaced’, Brodie had to die. And die he did. Not long after being incarcerated, he was hanged for his many, many crimes. A bit of overkill, really, but it was apparently the only way. Plus a lot of the guards and inmates kept finding themselves in varying degrees of debt so two birds one stone. Miss Pauling herself attends the hanging to make sure Brodie does die and sure enough he is pronounced dead. As dead as it gets. 

Well. Mostly.

As his soul prepares for judgment in hell,  Brodie decides “I am absolutely not ready to be dead yet.” Soo he convinces Satan “hey you guys got the wrong guy. I’m blah blah blah, here’s my ID and credentials n whatnot. Here’s who you’re actually looking for” (a lie obviously) but Satan’s like “Oh shit. Um wow- this, like, never happens. Lemme…fix that real quick.” (This is intentionally left vague and about how much hell tell ya about it with changing details each time)

Back in his body, Brodie sits up, completely nakey, save for the body blanket, and startles Miss Pauling who instinctively has a gun to his face. Quickly thinking, Brodie strikes a deal; “Hey hey! Don't Shoot. Uh, listen.  Technically, I was pronounced dead.  Obviously you can keep whatever I was supposed to inherit, I won't even give it another thought but just lemme go - please?”  Sure enough, Miss P agrees, except now Brodie has to…start over again.  Which isn’t a big *deal*, but it’ll take him a minute to get back on his feet since his last identity is supposed to be cold turkey. 

Though, this gives Miss P an idea.  “Hey, do you want a job?”

So he’s back, babyyy. Brodie is a new man (who legally doesn't exist) and is recruited by Mann Co to be the teams smuggler mailman and a merc when violence is needed!!  Someones gotta deliver the mercs all their niche needs and all that, ya know? Someone who ain't afraid to get their hands dirty or have fingerprints or the same teeth they did before or leave any paper trail!  Someone who isn't afraid to break into the next city over's local zoo and get some baboon uteri and hearts for medic, or do a 24 hr trip to Australia for Saxton hale pain tonic for sniper (so they avoid import fees), wine for spy, copious amounts of Tom Jones merch for scout, crates upon very weighty crates of ammo for Heavy, etc etc. Even just snacks from each mercs country (that Courier def sneaks bites from but dont tell anyone shhhh). Or just the pizza the mercs ordered in town.

Need something delivered? Brodie is your Courier! (He has to as his contract states, lest he break it and is 'super killed'.  No its not explained what that means but Brodie don't intend to find out.)

--

He's a bit of a goofy guy.  Quick witted when it comes to fraud but would ask Alexa what 4 x 12 is. His undying passion is committing petty crimes and scams and changing people's legal last names to something like "Scrotum". He's very *very* nosy and will read the merc's mail before he even gets it to them. He's got gossip to share. He loves snacks and has an awful diet consisting of gas station foods. Caffeinated soda and donuts are go-to's, especially on the road. His fav mode of transportation is on his motorcycle.

WOOF thats a long one lol Thank you sm for ur consideration !

WELCOME ABOARD!

Seats Taken: 22/24 (TWO LEFT)

[snapple-bloom]

For realllllllllllllllllllll tho! 😩😩😩

“Ah’ need mah’ fellow crusaders so that we can go an’ help Ponies get their Cutie Marks, or ta commit tax fraud! Ya know, either or would be great cuz they’re both fun!”

[swaprandaljade]

man. pregnant. now.

"Now that you mention it, I wouldn't mind having a cute scrote o-of my own one day, little crotch goblin will commit tax fraud!"

"r-really? you didn't strike me as someone who'd wanna be a parent. G-GODS know how I feel a-about it- I can't even take care of myself, let ALONE another person."

"I think I'm plenty capable of taking care of a child, p-plus, it'd be quaint.. Randy, I hope you make it out of all of this."

"h-huh..?"

"Nothin, nothin, ya big dote!"

[inkdemon-whore]

The Ink Demon commits tax fraud and/or tax evasion.

no no no, you're thinkin of joey drew

the ink demon actually wants the place to stay up and running. ya know, for torture reasons. can't torment the souls of the damned if the place goes under for tax fraud

[redrorums]

Cult of the Bat

Story Start-Batman isn’t just beaten, he’s been publicly humiliated. Solomon Grundy, Poison Ivy (with supersized virtually indestructible Venus Mantraps aiding her), and a new villain who calls himself Prometheus (and dresses similar-ish to the original) blitz Wayne manor right after Bruce disowns the bat family for unknown reasons. He’s beaten to a bloody pulp, at which point Grundy is “switched off” by another new villain, The Answer. The Answer then broadcasts to the world Batman’s defeat, true identity, and list of crimes. Embezzlement, tax fraud, Child Soldierization, stealing tax payer’s dollars as well as their personal information, corruption and sedition (keeping the cops, politicians, etc. in his pocket), accessory to a multitude of murders, withholding key evidence from the appropriate authorities, oh yea! the child endangerment and abuse thing, radicalizing people with potentially self/publicly destructive extremist ideals, being OBJECTIVELY a terrorist, nearly CREATING Armageddon-level catastrophes himself…

“…and the list, it doth go oooon aand oooooon, mah friends.” The Answer chuckled sarcastically.

Detailed evidence of these crimes is spread across the internet. Despite A.R.G.U.S.’s best efforts, they are unable to contain the very public information leak (much of the evidence also incriminates them 😑).

Dick Grayson is the first to return and rushes headlong into the fray. Finds Bruce’s still living body unmonitored and descends into the Bat Cave. There he finds The Answer waiting in Bruce’s chair. When Nightwing attacks, he’s stopped by the new Prometheus, who is a physical and tactical match for him (and roughly the same age). As they fight, The Answer reveals that they did all this simply to force Mr. Grayson to evolve. Essentially, The Answer is about to start testing both heroes and villains alike, “ya know, trials by fire and whatnot”. Those who survive would prove they were ready to evolve and face the horrifying future of earth.

“And those who don’t*cough*well, ya know….” The Answer smirked widely.

Nightwing is flung into a rage and nearly kills new Prometheus, but is incapacitated by an unknown source. The Answer then slings that red jacket over their shoulder and puts that annoying fedora on. Lights Cigar using Nightwing’s taser baton and bids Dick adieu.

Mr. Grayson is then FORCED to don the mantle of the Bat and must solve the mystery of who The Answer is before he rips the superpowered community of earth to shreds whilst simultaneously daring Darkseid to take advantage of the opening.

List of Suspects:

The Question- OG is currently busy being MIA. Although he has been replaced by nearly 1000 Questions spread across the globe who don’t seem to have memory of who they are or why they’re compelled to find and fight crime. Good luck gettin answers outa that lot.

Prometheus- Nightwing quickly discovers that old Prometheus had recently committed suicide. Based on the slovenly way he was living, it seems unlikely that he could have been The Answer, even if he was involved in the growing plot somehow.

Vandal Savage- It is revealed that one of Savage’s many progeny recently found him, chopped his body into seven pieces, placed them in rockets and launched them into space. Seems unlikely it was him. Not ruled out, though. The Child of Savage is nowhere to be found.

Ra’s Al Ghul- Talia finds Nightwing first and just tells him flat out that her father was murdered by The Answer. Shot through the heart with a Walter PPK. When they attempted to resurrect him via the Lazarus Pit, it triggered a flesh eating virus fueled by the life-replenishing effects of the pit itself. No one can even retrieve his corpse, as simply stepping into the pit is enough to instantly kill you. So yea, she wants revenge.

Amanda Waller- Is currently under investigation by the combined and legally empowered CIA/FBI. They’ve had her locked up in a top secret facility since long before Bruce’s demise. The Answer undoubtedly has high ranking allies planted within the U.S. government.

Lex Luthor- In a catatonic state that seems to have been induced by overexposure to kryptonite. According to J’onn J’onzz, he did seem to know about The Answer, but his mind is currently too fragmented to retrieve any more information than that.

Mr. Grayson must become The Batman in a world that has quickly grown to despise him, where even members of the Bat Family prove to be more enemy than ally.

Tim Drake- Takes it the hardest and makes by far the most absurd choice due to an increasingly worrisome mental state. Willingly marries Talia Al Ghul’s scar-covered and bloodthirsty granddaughter, Anastasia Al Ghul, and takes Ra’s place as head of the League of Assassins. Devotes the resources of the League to hunting down The Answer and eliminating them. Is assisted by Raven for unknown reasons.

Jason Todd- Ironically, remains the most stable amidst the chaos. Chooses to retain his Red Hood persona while trying his best to support Dick during his “trial”. Perhaps…he gets a liiittle more violent in his methods. Slade is forced offworld for a variety of offenses (mainly that he’s bad at his job and way too destructive in his methods, so the criminal underworld wants him gone), but he leaves the Deathstroke Estate split between Jason and his daughter. His version of a funny joke/meet cute. So Jason be rich as hell and has access to all of Slade’s contacts in all the criminal circles that matter. Rose is fine with this cuz she hated her old man and everything that reminds her of him anyways, so the two of them go on a buddy cop quest to track The Answer down. Maybe a few Teen Titan’s alumni join the squad along the way. Along with a veritable army of Questions.

Damian Wayne- sinks into depression. Leaves Gotham without warning and without objective. Wanders the world, seeking purpose. Finds that he doesn’t really care what happens now that Bruce is gone. Eventually, he comes across Catwoman in his travels and they bond over their shared edginess. Soooo the Batchild goes on a series of misadventures with his surrogate mother. And Harley Quinn is there. Because you can’t stop her from being there. And she brings hell and clowns with her.

Harley Quinn- Desperately searching for Ivy. Her poisonous love vanished after the night she helped pulp Bats. Depending on what she discovers, she might have to murder The Answer herself. Stumbles across pretty much everyone in their separate journeys, but they’re all too busy to help. Except for the Batchild and Catwoman.

Katherine Kane- Is framed for the Joker’s murder by new Prometheus, Countess Vertigone and The Savageborn. Recovering from a brutal duel with The Savageborn, an unparalleled sword master, she seeks revenge against the mastermind of her demise, Prometheus. In so doing, she stumbles into the maddening world of freewheeling, psychotic supervillains. It is there she meets legendary assassin Shiva and they stumble upon a much larger villainous conspiracy than they had anticipated. And some Questions are there, too.

Dick Grayson must become master and commander of this Army of Bats if he is to survive The Answer’s relentless onslaught and the coming Future.

Grayson’s new costume would be a combination of the Nightwing suit and the traditional Batman suit, keeping his iconic blue symbol whilst gaining the bat cape & cowl. His identity is known by pretty much everyone, so they all refer to him by name and Nightwing throughout. Villains come to fear him more than Bruce, though, because he’s completely unfazed by this. Where Bruce would’ve grown obviously angry, Grayson just laughs in their faces. The point is that he’s the opposite in every way. Like if Batman was played by Han Solo. Much more audacity, more of a gambler, with a smirking confidence that throws his enemies off their game and gives him the upper hand. He doesn’t hesitate to utilize all the allies who will dare to help him, even adding supervillains to the Bat Family if that’s what it takes. Where Bruce was rigid and unchanging in his Ideals, Dick is fluid, adaptable and much MUCH more empathetic to the plights of even those he fights. His ability to get inside The Answers (and the Bat Family’s) mind(s) proves to be his ultimate asset. The focus would be on his inventiveness and ability to think outside the box.

The Answer’s mannerisms and speech patterns are based ENTIRELY on Peter Falk as Columbo (the grandpa from princess bride).

He always looks and acts comically confused by what’s going on around him. His bright red three-piece suit is always rumpled and his tie loose. Fedora looks like it’s been sat on multiple times and he’s always smokin a stogey. His face has a similar mask to that of The Question or Rorschach, but it seems to be made from some sort of liquid that clings to his head.

The liquid will peel back and reveal his heavily scarred mouth whenever he talks or smokes, which makes him look like a gloopy version of the Pale Man from Pan’s Labyrinth.

Not the nostrils, just the mouth portion. The liquid mask would move aside, but strands of it would remain connected in front of his mouth. It closes immediately when his mouth stops moving. The juxtaposition between his bumbling, lighthearted way of addressing the situation and his somewhat horrifying appearance is intentionally off putting (to most). He acts as if he is just a simple-minded, regular Joe-shmoe P.I. Who’s accidentally solving this “big case”. He’ll then shift suddenly to a version of his persona that’s much closer to Batman than anything else, brutally and sarcastically revealing that there was never any chance for you to beat him. Physically, he can punch on with the bat family, but is closer in martial arts skill to a Green Arrow. Good but not great. His list of gadgetry, however, is enormous. He has stolen and repurposed tech from any number of superheroes/villains and can use it all very effectively. He is purposefully annoying, goading his enemies into attacking, which generally bears some manner of horrific consequence. The assumption that Grayson quickly comes to is, “if he shows up on scene, don’t attack cuz he definitely has the exact tool he needs to beat you or has brought someone who has that tool with him.”

Examples:

Anti-Flash Field- The Answer always has on his person a device that rejects the Speedforce, repelling it away from the device. The closer any speedster gets, the slower they get. If they run directly at the Answer at full speed, they’ll smack into the repulsive field and blast their own body to pieces.

An assortment of stolen Lexcorp kryptonite weapons- he’s got one or two at all times, including a Kryptoscanner. It automatically detects Kryptonians’ unique energy signature about 1.75 miles out. The A.I. within can react at the same speed as Superman’s well recorded average flight speed, firing off a dampening pulse which will greatly weaken them. Not fully de-powered, but enough that armor piercing rounds will actually hurt them. Eventually, Prometheus just tricks all earth kryptonians into returning to earth’s surface to catch The Answer, only then activating a series of satellites that filter the light of the sun to have the same effect as a red sun on them. They’re trapped on a hostile earth, powerless.

Perfect Refrigeration Unit- based on Captain Cold’s ray gun, this Fanny pack-like device absorbs all excessive heat that gets too close to The Answer’s bod and repurposes it to charge his various electronic devices.

Starr-o-Launcher- wrist mounted, gas powered grenade launcher. Technically, The Answer uses it to fire a bunch of different grenades he makes, but it’s most useful round is the synthetic clones of Starro’s spawn that he whipped up in a lab. Even if they don’t hit your face, they’ll be able to gain partial control over your body.

Dr. Fate in a Bottle- Uno reverse card for Magic.

The Blue Rose- A genetically engineered telepathic rose that releases a constant command to not attack The Answer. This will play upon the way a person thinks, so if they are fearless, they just won’t feel like he’s worth attacking. This combined with the unaggressive, laughable way he acts makes people constantly underestimate him, a running theme. It also disrupts telepathic attacks and prevents the manipulation of flora or fauna anywhere near The Answer.

And so on and so forth….I’m tired for now.

[theglitchywriterboi]

This may be quite dumb question but if you win the lottery [yes ikik it's super unlikely] after the IRS does the initial tax & the state does their tax [I the state does one], do they tax you every year for that money ? Or is it like a one & done type thing ??

[Sorry if this is dumb I don't understand taxes or the lottery]

Obviously on the super off chance I win, I'm gonna talk to ya know the money people [financial advisors, accounts, lawyers, etc] so I don't accidentally commit fraud, but still.

[fairytail-incorrectquotes]

Natsu: Hey, Gramps!

Makarov, shuffling through stacks of papers: Whaddya want? I’m busy! Tax fraud doesn’t commit itself, ya know.

[incorrectbnhavillainsworld]

Twice: Hey!

Giran, shuffling through stacks of papers: Whaddya want? I'm busy! Tax fraud doesn't commit itself, ya know.

[posts-from-employee-427]

H-Hey now! Ive committed a couple crimes in my day. I uh- stole a pencil from a gift shop once! A-and opened a random persons mail! i can be devious too, ya know!

(APBA is like a dad trying to be cool for his daughters smoker junkie friends to feel validated. Its not their fault theyre painfully average.

Its mine. -AdminBPA)

-ABPA

ABPA! Opening another person's mail is a serious crime and disrespectful to the brave workers of the US Postal service! We're talking about small, acceptable crimes, like robbery and tax fraud and also maybe some war crimes.

[incorrect-road-to-el-dorado]

Miguel: Hey, Darling~!

Tulio, shuffling through stacks of papers: Whaddya want? I’m busy! Tax fraud doesn’t commit itself, ya know.

[bondsmagii]

so a while back I was talking about extensive blacklists and somebody messaged to see if I wanted screenshots of a very impressive blacklist from an old Discord server they were in. of course, I did. here are the aforementioned screenshots as promised -- naturally the person wishes to remain anonymous, but here’s what they said:

hello, t'was i who was your Long Blacklist anon. here's what i have, or at least what i have scraped from the sides of my massive screenshots folder

to note: in the first image, in the section "TSS specific", the Remus mentioned is one of the characters in the show that the server is about,  whether he's secondary or main is up for debate. like. a WHOLE CHARACTER

some of these are understandable honestly, i don't mind a lot of this, but i had forgotten "y'all" was on here and. i'm sure that was probably said about 500 times in there because. how do you. IT'S Y'ALL

I gotta admit that I was not expecting this to be so wild. I had no idea an entire regional accent would be on here; nor could I have anticipated the fact that the whole of Ohio State University would be a banned topic, but there you go.

full transcription under the cut, for which you owe me, because this is long.

USER SPECIFIC

Recording <@!412026064970186753>’s voice without permission

Pet names directed at @‘beat drop’ A Jumbo Jellyfish

Referring to @rrationality in the feminine, “kiddo” directed at by anyone but Patton

“Tinker bell” or the phrase “I just want you to succeed” directed at @Groundhog badger

Deleting messages from @JEYKSHK without informing first

“Kitten” directed at @jelly 

“Know-it-all” directed at @The Rat God Summons Thee, asking to roleplay, people fighting in earshot, interacting while under the influence of any substances

Patronising and/or directing “cute” nicknames (smol, baby, dear, etc.) at @arson, overly aggressive conpliments (heart spamming, etc.)

“Princess”/“Champ”/“Sweetheart”/“Buddy” directed at @Silverquill (She/Her)

“Sweetie”/“honey”/“babe” and other pet names directed at @let airam see fuck without permission

“Hun”/“love” directed at @Ren 

“you’re acting like ___” and “very nice” directed at @probably activism, venting privately without warning/asking

“Dumb”/“stupid”/“idiot”, etc. directed at @blurryeyesinbewilderment 

“Selfish”/“worthless” directed at @Safira 

Calling attention to/making fun of the typos of @one of the best ppl here tbh

Referring to @It ya boy idk in the feminine, mocking

Referring to @I’m gonna shine like the sun as a hypochondriac

Referring to @Currently Committing Tax Fraud as argumentative

TSS SPECIFIC [translator’s note: this is an abbreviation for The S*nders Sides-- the fandom the server is about. I censor this because I do not care for him and do not wish to type his accursed name.]

Any discussion (including mentions), images, gifs and links involving Remus, and ships where he is included

The phrase “have you ever thought about killing your brother?” [translator’s note: this entire phrase was blacked out behind censor bars.]

Unsympathetic portrayals of the Sides (being villainous, abusive, (passive) aggressive, restrictive, etc.)

Ships involving the Sides and Sleep

Romantic Prinxiety

Intruality

Romantic logicality 

Snitties (tumblr post)

CenThomas (tumblr post)

TOPICS

Tangerines

Depersonalisation and depersonification

Divorce

Being controlled/your actions not being your own (including mind control)

Bullying (in a non-joking context)

Burning buildings and house fires

Belittling serious issues

Zombies

Existential issues (such as questioning reality)

Claustrophobic (small) spaces

Being patronised

Puppets

Bad parental relationships

Narcissistic people

Ohio State University

Annesia/mind-wiping

Bernie Sanders (US Politician)

Hell (discussion of)

Anesthesia

Fasting (for religious reasons or otherwise)

Unhappy endings

Power outages

Directing “stupid” at another person

Southern or Texan accents

Cringe culture

Spiders

Heights

The concept of pure nothingness

POC being stereotypes as promiscuous

Conflating age regression with age play [translator’s note: ‘age play’ was blacked out behind censor bars.]

Condiments (ketchup, mustard, etc.)

Malevolent of morbid supernatural entities

Food dicourse

Roanoke (the historical colony)

Self-depreciation

Heated discussions

Major character death

Hanahaki disease

Ants (the insect)

Eye lip eye (sequence of emojis)

Realistic-looking teeth on non-human things

Teeth in any place but a mouth

Human trafficking

Worms

OTHER MEDIA

The son “Sing me to sleep” by Alan Walker

Creepypasta (all forms)

The song “Hide and seek” by SeeU

Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared (webseries)

The song “Last christmas” by Wham!

Heathers (movie and musical)

The song “Empty” by boyinaband

The song “You should see me in a Crown” by Billie Eilish

The Momo challenge

Stephen King’s It (book and movies)

The song “Bury a friend” by Billie Eilish

Undertale and Delta Rune (video games)

The song “Wish you were gay” by Billie Eilish

The song “Ocean eyes” by Billie Eilish

Sora from Kingdom Hearts (video games)

Scooby Doo on Zombie Island (movie)

Onward (movie)

WORDS/NAMES/PHRASES

The word “senpai”

The name “Cryptid”

“I see the light”/“I’m going into the light”/“Light at the end of the tunnel”

“A beautiful mind”

“Babe” in a romantic context

“Baby” and “sweetiepie” as pet names

The name “Tristan”

The name “Ana”

The name “Jamie”

The name “William/Will”

“Make yourself useful”

“Y’all”

“Agere” (as a shortform of age regression)

SOUNDS AND VISUALS

Fife music (fife and drum corps)

Loud noises

Spiders and insects

Trypophobic images

“Distant shore” and “It’s all over isn’t it” from Steven Universe

Homestuck (all forms)

Crying while laughing

High saturation/bright images/eyes strain

[darkroom-wildlife]

Go To Sleep! | Demon Brothers Scenarios (1/?)

A series of conversations taking place late in the night between you/MC and the demon brothers.

LUCIFER

“Lucifer?”

“Yes, MC?”

“Is Satan your son?”

“No, MC. Satan is not my son.”

“But . . . he was born from your wrath.”

“MC, please go to sleep.”

“He’s your son, Lucifer!”

“No he is not.”

“He issssss.”

Lucifer turns to you, pulling your face to his

“Please go to sleep, lest you want to aid me in making another son.”

MAMMON

“Hey, Mammon.”

“Hm?”

“Do you guys have taxes here in the Devildom?”

“Why?”

“I just wanna know is all.”

“MC, go to sleep, please.”

“Do you guys pay your taxes on time? Do you have demon accountants too?”

“MC, I’m tryna get some shut eye here!”

“Please don’t tell me you’ve committed tax fraud, Mammon!”

Mammon sighs.

“Alright already! No, I have not committed tax fraud . . . after that one incident . . . and Lucifer handles our taxes, ok? Now please, go to sleep!”

LEVIATHAN

“Leviiiiiii.”

“Yeah?”

“I was just wondering. . .”

“Wondering what?”

“Do fish think they’re flying when they’re in water?”

“What?”

“Just think about it . . . do you think they know they’re in water???”

“MC, please, it’s 2am.”

“What if fish think they’re just like birds.”

“MC, I love you but please go to sleep.”

SATAN

“Hey, Satan?”

“Mm?”

“I have a question. . . “

“Alright. What is it?”

“Uhm, are you. . . uhm. . . ya know. . .”

“Am I what?”

“Are you . . . Lucifer’s. . .son?”

*Satan coughs*

“N-no, I’m not his son, MC.”

“B-but, you said you were born from his wrath, Satan. . .”

“Yes, I know what I said but- but - please go to sleep, MC.”

“But Satan I need answers!”

Satan wraps his arms around your waist, pulling her closer.

“MC, one more word about this and we’re going to give Lucifer a grandchild. Do I make myself clear?”

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

I’m thinking if I should do the rest of the brothers as well. In the meantime, I hope you enjoyed this!

I personally volunteer to give Lucifer a son. Who’s with me?

[takinghisbow]

@ahogedetective​ asked: ❝ "Halt, criminal." Shuichi 'sternly' commands, pointing a finger at Kokichi. He stopped him before Kokichi could exit out the door, as the other was going to make a quick trip to the convenience store while Shuichi stays back home to wait. "Do you know of the crime you've just committed?" Walking closer, Shuichi tries to have a firm look on his face, but the tiniest hint of laughter is already evidence in his tone as he leans over his shoulder.

Then after a small pause, that's when a smile finally widens on his face as he whispers: "You forgot to give me a kiss before you leave. How will you remedy this situation, Mr. Oma?" He giggles, wrapping his arms around him. (dfkjvndfjnfdjk Shuichi being a soft, but silly DORK, ehehe~! ♥ ) ❞ ( random ask )

Kokichi was a swinging his key chain around his finger, feet taking him toward the door when Shuichi’s voice brought him to a standstill. “Criminal?” It wasn’t technically a wrong assessment, but Kokichi knew that Shuichi wouldn’t be calling him that unless it was a joke of some sort. The smile that played at his lips was quickly tucked away before he turned to look at Shuichi. There wasn’t a hint of the amusement bubbling under the surface on his face; his expression could only be described as certain, maybe a bit relenting. He nodded seriously. “Tax fraud.”

He broke into a laugh. “No, what terrible crime have I committed, Mr. Detective? I have to know.” His words were teasing, if a touch sarcastic. The answer, though, brought another laugh from him, bright and full. “You’re the woooooorst,” he groaned, leaning into the embrace with a grin and throwing his arms around Shuichi’s neck. “Well, I dunno. On one hand, I could pay my dues, but if I don’t you might arrest me. I’m not sure which is better.”

Smile never leaving his lips, he pitched forward to press a few quick kisses to Shuichi’s mouth, the last lingering a few moments longer. Leaning back, his smile had softened into something warmer, gentler. “There. The down payment. I’ll pay the rest when we get home. Then you’ve gotta pay for your crimes.”

“You know it’s illegal to be that criminally hot.” He coupled his words with slipping out of Shuichi’s grip and, without warning, smacking his ass. “Anyway, see ya!” And he strolled back over to the door as if he had done nothing at all.

[nerevar-quote-and-star]

Aurora Orianus: Hey, Fellow Thane!

Erikur: Whaddya want? I’m busy! Tax fraud doesn’t commit itself, ya know.

[chaos-event-horizon]

Toshinori: We have a very blessed day off of work tomorrow, and one of our last days relatively alone before the holiday season... So I thought I might make the most of it and do a very mature AMA session!

Toshinori: Taking any and all adult-ish questions, comments, concerns, and screams of anguish. Have a sexual question or joke? Go ahead! Curious about how I pay bills? Fire away! Wondering about my dating history? Hit me! Want to know how I commit flawless tax fraud? Fat chance ya fucking cop, but you can try anyway! I'll answer any question you filthy degenerates decide to toss into our inbox.