#or how his and gaius's relationship started because of that mutual understanding of wanting to be better even if their reasons differed

[sheyshen]

Something I want to build on with vincent at some point is how much the years of being an adventurer has taken a toll on him. he spent so long just being angry at the world but as he gets closer and closer to carteneau he does start recognizing how reckless he's been and the mistakes he's made over the years. friendships (especially with layla and nhea) helping him get a little closer to how he used to be before finally stopping and trying to do better for himself when he loses his leg. and the fact that guilt has really solidified in him to still make him push himself in his healing rather than combat (though sometimes still pushing himself too far) and how the years of treating himself like a weapon have taken a toll on his mind (he has terrible nightmares that only a select few have been able to help him through it)

[natvrefairy]

Hi, I saw ur request rules and wondered if I could ask for a merlin X reader (romantic) and it's like really fluffy? Thx 😊

A/N: Of course! I'm so happy my first request is for Merlin, because both him and the entire show are just so iconic. I really hope you like this. :)

Something Meaningful (Merlin x Reader)

Requested: Yes!

Reader Pronouns: They/them

Word Count: 1,529

C/W: Uther is dead. A little bit of self-doubt on Merlin's side. Occasional rant. A little bit of stream of consciousness. (Cause I'm experimenting with that technique.) Fluff!

Context: Morgana's alive and good. Mordred and the rest of the knights are also still alive, but they're not really mentioned. Arthur and Gwen are King and Queen. Arthur's allowed magic in Camelot, and they know about and accept Merlin! And LGBTQ+ is accepted! (Cause reader is they/them, and there's no angst here. ^^)

✎﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏

When Uther died, Camelot was a bit of a mess. Not that it wasn't before; Uther's reign wasn't a particularly cheerful one. But although he wasn't the kindest person, people still loved him, and his death simply came as a shock to everyone.

Arthur took it the hardest. But honestly, that was to be expected. When most people lose their parent, they get time to grieve, but Arthur didn't have the luxury of time. Uther died, and Arthur was thrown into power.

The first few months were the worst. Not just for Arthur, but the whole castle. But with Guinevere and Merlin by his side, he got through it. And with Arthur as King, it no longer mattered what anyone thought of his relationship with Gwen, because she was now the Queen.

But with Guinevere becoming Queen, a small issue arose. The Lady Morgana no longer had a servant.

Morgana, being as lovely as she was, truly didn't care about the loss of her maidservant. She still had her friend, and enjoyed her independence. But her brother thought it necessary, so the job was given to (Y/N).

Gaius didn't appreciate losing his other helper, but he couldn't say no to the King, so that was that.

But then, Gwen also needed a servant. And once again, the job was given to (Y/N). Merlin most definitely did not approve of his best friend's drastic increase in work load.

"I always knew you were an ass, but I didn't realise you were stupid as well." Merlin told Arthur the following morning.

Arthur's new title as King didn't change Merlin's attitude towards him in the slightest.

"Merlin, you can't address me like that."

"I did before, why is it any different now? Your highness."

"I am the King."

"Doesn't change the fact that you're an ass."

(Y/N) managed to talk Merlin down, but that didn't mean he liked the idea of them having to rush around everywhere all the time. Although, at least it was only Gwen and Morgana, who were both perfectly capable of taking care of themselves.

If it was two Arthur's, that would be an entirely different story.

That was about two years ago now. Camelot has had law changes since; such as the lifted ban on magic, allowing people to freely practise their gift, and the new acceptance of anyone identifying as other than cisgender/heterosexual.

And finally, at long last, the land of Albion was united.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

Having both grown up in Ealdor, Merlin and (Y/N) were always close. (Y/N) would constantly seek out Merlin and William, the three of them soon becoming best friends. When Merlin set off to Camelot, (Y/N) tagged along to look out for him, Will staying behind with his father.

Unlike Merlin, (Y/N) didn't possess any magic. But although being completely normal, they always went out of their way to try understand what their friend was going through. They never understood Uther's hatred towards magic. Even without having any themself, they absolutely adored Merlin's gift. Witnessing him in action never failed to put (Y/N) in a state of awe.

But of course, Merlin is much more than his magic. That, (Y/N) always knew, even when he didn't believe it himself. They were always there for him, and he was always there for them. That was how it always was, and how it always will be.

Which is why it was so hard for either of them to pinpoint exactly when their feelings grew. They always cared deeply for each other, but at some point, both completely unaware, those feelings blossomed until they were both completely and utterly in love.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────

The two friends were granted the evening off, and unbeknownst to (Y/N), Gwen and Morgana had something up their sleeve. Having long figured out the pair's mutual yet oblivious feelings, the women decided to take matters into their own hands.

This involved giving them the evening off, and directly telling Merlin to confess.

"I'm sure they feel the same way," Gwen encouraged, "I know it's hard, but try something meaningful. If you can't say how you feel out loud, do something special instead."

So here Merlin was, a nervous wreck as he lead (Y/N) outside of Camelot, to a small forest clearing. What if they didn't like it? What if they turned him down? Then it could lead to disaster and they won't want to be his friend anymore and everything they had built will go to waste.

"Merlin," (Y/N) grasps his hand, immediately gaining his attention, "whatever has you stressing out, it's okay. I'm here, and I always will be. We'll face it together."

Taking a deep breath, he had them close their eyes, before gently leading them in the right direction. Glancing around to make sure everything was in place, he tried his best to calm his nerves.

'You can do this,' he thought to himself, 'you can tell dragons what to do, and they listen. This should be easy.'

"Merlin?"

"Oh, right, sorry. You can open your eyes now."

Opening their eyes, (Y/N) gaped at the scene before them. A rug laid out on the grass, all their favourite snacks and fruit laid out in front of them. Glancing between the dinner and Merlin in a combination of joy and surprise, they struggled for words.

"You did all of this?"

"Well, I may have stolen some things from the kitchen, but... I hope you like it?"

(Y/N) laughed - one of Merlin's favourite sounds - and pulled him over to sit down.

"Thank you."

Just their smile was enough to calm Merlin's nerves, and everything melted away as they began to eat, telling stories and laughing. Everything between them seemed perfect.

That is, everything except for the unsaid feelings.

As they finished and the moon began to rise, they cleared up a bit before laying down to stargaze.

"Star-gazing was a good idea," (Y/N) said softly after a while, turning their head to face Merlin, "but I have to ask, what was this all for?"

"What? Aren't I allowed to just spend time with my best friend?" Merlin replied, a little too quickly.

"Of course, but that's not what I mean. You seemed really nervous earlier. I can tell when you want to say something, Merlin."

He turned his head away in embarrassment, so (Y/N) shifted their body to properly face him.

"Hey, look at me," they said, placing their hand on his cheek and tilting his head back towards them, "you know you can always tell me anything. We've been through so much together. Nothing will scare me away."

Merlin gazed into their eyes in silence for a moment, before speaking up, voice barely a whisper, "It's hard to say it out loud. Can I just show you?"

"Of course. Whatever's best for you."

Slowly, he moved one hand to rest on (Y/N)'s cheek, hesitating slightly as his gaze shifted between their captivating (E/C) eyes and plump lips. Finally, deciding it's either now or never, he leaned forward, tilting his head as he captured their lips in a tentative kiss. He felt them stiffen slightly, his heart racing as his mind flooded with unwanted thoughts. This was the end. They were going to shove him away and never speak to him again.

But then, the thing he expected least of all happened; they actually reciprocated the kiss.

Their hand moved to his hair, butterflies going wild in their stomach. They never expected him to feel the same way about them, and now they couldn't even think straight. The only thing they could concentrate on was the feeling of his lips on their own.

Eventually, the sweet moment came to an end, leaving each of them completely breathless, faces only inches apart. They gazed into each other's eyes, catching their breath while they both tried to process what just occurred.

Then, all at once Merlin freaked out and started a rant, desperately trying to explain himself. Apology after apology flooded out of his mouth, raving on and on about how much he loves them and how he probably ruined everything and should have just kept his feelings all to himself.

(Y/N) cut him off with a small kiss on his lips, leaving him staring at them in shock when they pulled away.

"I love you too, Merlin. I thought I was so obvious about it," she laughed softly, gently running her fingers through his hair. "I'm so lucky to have you in my life, and I'm glad you feel the same."

His shock vanished, and he gave that heartwarming smile of his as he wrapped his arms around them, pulling them close. "You have no idea how happy that makes me."

And so they stayed there like that, laying and enjoying each other's company in the comfort of their mutual feelings. They stayed there until they decided it was time to head back and face Gaius' concerned wrath on them staying out so late. But for once, it didn't bother them listening to his lecture, because their lives had just changed for the better.

[theonceandfutureking6481]

BBC's Merlin Season 1 Episode 2: Valiant Analysis

*Spoilers for the whole show!!!!*

I'm always nervous watching this episode, although it is very good it's never been one of my favourites, mainly because it stresses me out. I was also worried here that there wouldn't be that much to analyse in what often seems to me one of the many filler episodes in this series, however, watching with analysis in mind proved me wrong. So once again I must apologise for the lengthiness of this post, and hope that I manage to make it more articulate than it now appears in my notes!

Arthur's character

Something I noticed when watching this episode is how significantly this episode focuses on Arthur's character. Last episode we were introduced to a character who seemed like a bit of a bully but who clearly had hidden depths, this episode proved that. That is the fundamental message of this episode that Arthur is an incredibly decent and often noble person, despite his many faults.

This episode reveals the many differences between Arthur and Uthur, between their worldviews, and you see how Arthur is trapped between the two and there's not really that much he can do about it. Uther's love is in many ways conditional and this episode reveals that. As we get to know Arthur and Uther's relationship throughout the show I don't think anything could stop Uther from loving Arthur, but his expressing of that love and respect is very conditional and in the mind of Arthur that's really the same thing. Uther says to Arthur, "I trust you will make me proud" just before the tournament starts, and the subtext is very clear, Arthur has to win.

Throughout the show Arthur is constantly caught between Uther and what he wants to do, he wants Uther to be proud of him but he also disagrees with him on many things. This is a major feature of Arthur's character arc that doesn't really end until "The Death Song of Uther Pendragon" in season 5, when Arthur tells the ghost of his father point blank that its his turn to rule. It is a horrible situation Arthur is in, in order to maintain the love and respect of the one person who's opinion he cares most about Arthur has to sacrifice what he believes in, no child should ever be put in that position.

The conception of honour and courage that Arthur has grown up with is also revealed here, when Valiant says to Uther that "to lose is to be disgraced," and Uther agrees. Interestingly Arthur and Merlin are the only people who don't like Valiant, revealing perhaps how they differ to Uther and his kingdom in their worldviews, and what brings Merlin and Arthur together is their vision of the world. This is core to Uther's view of the world, he can't lose which means he can't be merciful, he can't accommodate, he'll never sacrifice his pride for his kingdom, and he'll never admit when he's wrong. The Great Purge started because Uther was unable to admit that he had made a mistake, that he had made the wrong choice, so he blamed an entire people for what was fundamentally his mistake. Arthur isn't like this, what is most loveable about Arthur, what makes the viewers realise truly what a good king he is, is his ability to admit his mistakes, he understands that losing isn't disgrace. I think the episode that best represents this is "His Father's Son" from season 4, in this episode Arthur says a line which fundamentally reveals what he believes about losing, "It is not victory I seek, it is peace." Arthur does not have to win, he just needs to be able to protect his kingdom and do his duty. He is not seeking victory (personal glory/pride) but peace (protection and safety for his people). This episode though, sets up Arthur caught between world views, caught in a conception of honour that he's not sure he agrees with. The moment within this episode that most reveals this is the final scene when Arthur tells Morgana that Uther will never apologise and then immediately goes and apologises to Merlin for firing him. Ignoring the fact that Uther just generally doesn't apologise, I'm certain the idea of apologising to a servant wouldn't even enter his mind, but Arthur does it because he made a mistake and he recognises that.

On a similar note the dichotomy between Arthur and Uther is also revealed in their respect for servants. Gaius and Uther both emphasise the fact that a servants word is worth less than a nobles, fundamental to this idea is a conception of nobility as somehow being worth more than servants, the idea that some people are worth more than others. Arthur, however, trusts Merlin, he trusts him because Arthur doesn't think that any one is is fundamentally worth less or less trustworthy. But he's trapped, when Merlin can't bring any proof aside from his word then there is nothing Arthur can do because the world is unfair and there is no argument he can make that would persuade Uther. That whole scene is very sad, he is entirely trapped, if he stands by Merlin he will lose the respect of his father and even the respect of the kingdom. There is nothing he can do, but he should be able to do something, and if Uther's kingdom was fairer he wouldn't be so powerless in this situation.

This episode is also when you see something very noble about Arthur, there is personal pride and desire for the respect of his father at the heart of his decision to fight but there is also the consideration that in order to be a good king he needs the respect of the kingdom, but also he can't sacrifice his principles for his safety, he is willing to die because if he makes the choice that means he lives he is failing his kingdom. He is always willing to do his duty, whatever the cost and there is something very noble about that, and it bodes well for his kingship.

Arthur: "I can't withdraw. The people expect their prince to fight. How can I lead men into battle if they think I'm a coward?"

Merlin: "If you fight, you die."

Arthur: "Then I die."

Merlin: "How can you go out there and fight like that."

Arthur: "Because I have to. It's my duty."

One of the best things about Merlin and Arthur is their willingness to die for the people they care about and the people of Camelot. I read and watch a lot of things with characters that risk their lives for others, but very often these characters don't seem to care if they live or die. They'd risk their lives for fun just as easily, or they risk their lives in the moment without having the chance really to think about what they're doing. Arthur and Merlin, really and truly don't want to die, and they are always making choices where death seems to be the only end, and they realise that and to some extent accept that, but they make them anyway because its the right thing to do, and its their duty.

Merlin and Arthur

Their relationship develops in this episode into almost a friendship. Merlin and Arthur chat casually in this episode, Merlin criticises Valiant in front of Arthur ( a noble mind you) and Arthur just smiles. They don't know each other that well yet, but there are definitely the beginnings of a friendship and a level of mutual respect. Arthur ruins every nice thing he says to Merlin by saying something very prattish immediately afterwards but hey that's what he's like and what their relationship as a whole is like (Merlin does it to), and it doesn't really change, but Arthur says them to begin with and that's important. Merlin also actually starts to like being Arthur's servant here, he's not saving Arthur because its his destiny but because he doesn't want him to die, because he likes him (not that much yet but they have just met).

Also one of the best lines ever about Merlin and Arthur is in this episode, when Kilgharrah says to Merlin that "the half cannot truly hate that which makes it whole." The eternal question with this show is what exactly that means, it's not just Arthur needs you to survive, to help him build Camelot, he needs Merlin to be himself, and Merlin needs Arthur to be himself. They need each other on a very fundamental level. My argument would be that they are at their best when they are with each other, they bring out the best parts of each other and they help each other to be better people. This plays to some extent into traditional Arthurian myth in which Merlin is Arthur's teacher, on a very fundamental level Merlin made the person Arthur became (he both helped Uther have a child by Igraine and then taught and raised that child). In this show though it is more mutual. Perhaps it is part of the wider message of the show regarding friendships and relationships, the idea that caring for others and helping each other is always the right decision to make, that you need people and friends to be happy and succeed in life. What makes Arthur good is that he is full of love for his friends and for his people, and his motivations (as are Merlin's, and Gwen's and any number of others) are always grounded in their love for others. The focus on relationships thus plays into the shows wider conversation about love and hate, and the differing worldviews of Arthur & Merlin and Uther & Morgana. Relationships are important, and fundamental to being a good person in this show, and the most important relationship in the show is Merlin and Arthur's.

Some thought's on destiny

This may be a funny place to put this, this episode doesn't really focus on destiny any more than any other episode (I mean episode 1 certainly focuses on it more), but if you haven't been able to tell already this is kind of just me writing down all the thoughts I had while watching, and I thought about this.

The idea of destiny is a key theme in Merlin, and its never 100% clear the relationship of destiny to the choices that people make. A slight ambiguity when dealing with destiny is, I think, always good, because it leaves it up to the audience to decide.

I do think the use of destiny here is playing into it being a traditional feature of many versions of Arthurian legend, the idea of destiny, fate and (perhaps especially) the will of God in determining the future was very present in the middle ages (when Arthurian legend took shape) so naturally it is present in many versions of the story. Arthur's eventual demise in almost all versions of the story is attributed to a predetermined fate, but it is also fundamentally a result of his own choices.

La Morte D'Arthur by Thomas Malory is the source of most central tenets of the legend as we see them today (quick note I haven't actually read it, I just vaguely know the plot from versions of the story that drew heavily from it- TH White's The Once and Future King series for one). Arthur's death is attributed to some extent to divine punishment for his ethical transgressions. In most versions of this story it is having a child by his sister, he doesn't know that she's his sister until later, but he is nonetheless held responsible and the child that is born is Mordred. Mordred who we all know is destined to kill Arthur. This is predetermined but its source is in Arthur's own actions, and later in the story Arthur is offered an alternative fate it all comes down to his own choices, and in the end, although initially trying to make peace, he chooses to fight Mordred (I am oversimplifying this but this is the gist) and he dies.

This is a quote from the article in which I got a lot of this information

"Arthur's dream has been read as disclosing to him the fate that Fortune has ordained for him; but it does not have to be read in this way. Rather, Fortune might be seen as dispensing to Arthur the punishment that, according to Merlin much earlier in the Morte, God has decreed is to be inflicted on Arthur because of the transgression that he has committed. Fortune, in other words, might be thought to be delivering to Arthur the fate that his own actions have determined, not a fate that she has determined herself."- Marilyn Corrie

I'm getting a lot of this analysis from an article by Marilyn Corrie (See bibliography), as having not read La Morte D'Arthur, I was interested in how fate and destiny was dealt with in the primary source for most Arthurian writers. It is important to note that many read La Morte as Arthur's fate being entirely predetermined with no weight given to Arthur's actions in determining it. This is an issue that depends on the critic and the view they take.

But how this relates to Merlin is a different question. The emphasis on God's punishment and mercy does not exist in Merlin at all, fate and destiny within this show do not include the idea of divine retribution (excepting perhaps the episode about the Disir- who offer the chance to change his fate). However, the point about the fate being determined by choices still exists, this is honestly more a conversation for analysing season 5, but Merlin and Arthur's choices as surely bring about his fate as they try to avoid it. They're treatment of Mordred (although Arthur treats him well- but all the stuff with Kara was in many ways a mistake- albeit understandable)) brings about his betrayal, it was still Mordred's choice and they should not be held entirely accountable for it but nonetheless their choices (and Mordred's) bring about what happens. Arthur's fate may be inevitable, but its not predetermined, it is determined by the choices he makes, but the problem is that every single choice the characters make that lead to the ending are entirely in character and that's what makes the end inevitable, it is possible but unlikely they would've acted differently. Its like a self fulfilling prophecy.

Another feature of destiny is the audiences own position in all versions of Arthurian legend. Fundamentally we are all assumed to know the story. The King Arthur story is a huge part of the cultural memory of the UK, France and Europe generally and hence any country in the world significantly influenced by them (a huge number due to their empires) or heavily populated by emigrants from there has it as part of its cultural memory as well. We know how the story ends, we know that Arthur is destined to be the greatest king because for us it has already happened, we've already heard the story. Destiny, then, is not just the determinism of these characters lives by an outside force but a reflection of their position in relation to audience, as a story that has already been told, a story that everyone knows the ending. It is destined because it has already happened, we just want to see the choices and decisions that led to that point, how everything comes about. Another quote from Marilyn Corrie:

"But it is important, I think, not to confuse the predetermined trajectory of the story that Malory is relating in his work with the stance that the text takes on the causes of the events that bring that story to a close. Given that the destruction of Arthur and his knights was an essential coordinate of the Arthurian legend, its presence in Malory's work was indeed predetermined."

If I manage to keep up this analysis up to season 5 I will certainly touch more on this,

Interesting/fun stuff

Morgana has her first nightmare in this episode (which aside from being exciting on a narrative level) means she (like Merlin and Arthur) realises that he is going to die. The cinematography of her walking to the window and seeing Arthur practice with a sword outside and then switch to a shot of Merlin desperately trying to turn the statue into a dog is beautiful- it is so tragic, these 3 people who know Arthur is going to die but can do absolutely nothing about it

This episode actually builds up the tragedy of Arthur's seemingly inevitable death here very well, the music that plays in the lead up to the bout is mournful and seems like an omen of death

Also Morgana helping Arthur with his armour is very tragic, and you see that despite how much they argue they really do love each other (typical siblings)

When Merlin asks Gwen why people keep thinking its his job to solve it and she says "because it is, isn't it?" Maybe its not actually Merlin's job but he has a duty to try because he's the only one who knows about the danger and although Gwen doesn't realise it he's the only one with the power to stop it

This plays overall into Merlin's questions about destiny, and it is in some ways a realisation of why he's the one who has to fulfill it, because he's the only one who can and the world will be better for it

The montage of Merlin dressing Arthur (2nd time) is hilarious, it's just like the show going 'look! Merlin has achieved a career milestone he has learnt how to dress Arthur in his armour!'

Bibliography:

Corrie, M. "God may well fordo desteny": Dealing with Fate, Destiny, and Fortune in Sir Thomas Malory's Le Morte Darthur and Other Late Medieval Writing," Studies in Philology 110 (2013): 690-713. Accessed on July 12, 2021. https://www.jstor.org/stable/24392057?seq=19#metadata_info_tab_contents

[fishoutofcamelot]

Hi there! I hope you’re well. I just wanted to send a message to thank you for the elyan content 😍 he is my favourite knight but for some reason I never see much of him on tumblr! So it’s awesome to see him on your blog. I hope I didn’t bother you with this ask 🙈

I AM doing well, actually! And you didn’t bother me, asks will probably never bother me <3

I could go on for a million years about why no one makes content about Elyan - and sometimes forget he exists altogether - but I don’t wanna start drama so we’ll just. Not touch that topic with a 10-foot pole

BUT! Elyan IS a fantastic knight, and the fact that he is your favourite knight too is very iconic and sexy of you. Elyan fans/stans are the sexiest members of this fandom. That’s not even opinion, that’s just science

So! Here’s a list of Elyan headcanons, because he’s worth it:

Elyan is ace. Them’s the facts

He’s also gay but in that stage where he’s questioning if he might be bi. Unfortunately, he died before reaching an answer

I hate to talk about Hogwarts Houses in 2020, but he is one hell of a Hufflepuff. Elyan is his name and protecting his loved ones with life and limb is his game. It is very easy to earn his loyalty, and once you have he will ride straight through Hell for you

Elyan likes hoods. He wears hoods whenever he can (i mean c’mon, that outfit in season 3 was serving some killer looks)

He’s just a protective older brother to literally everyone in Camelot. Yes, even Gaius

Gwen, Elyan, Leon, and Merlin have family game night once every month. They all gather in their old house in the lower town to get drunk, play some dice games, and spend the whole night goofing off

Only a few people know about game night. Even fewer people have seen it with their own eyes. Arthur and Gwaine frequently try to sneak in to see game night for themselves, but somehow never succeed

Elyan loves swimming. They don’t get many chances for it, but whenever they do, Elyan is the best swimmer out of all the knights

He’s also like. Really good at sneaking up on people. Consistently rolls high on stealth checks

Out of everyone in the Round Table, Elyan is the most easily spooked. He hates it when they gather around the fire to tell ghost stories, bc he will NOT be able to sleep the rest of the night after that

Why do people think there’s no dynamic or chemistry between Elyan and Gwaine??? Those two had a SOLID friendship and I will not stand for this disrespect (also, Perelyan is good but Elyaine is godtier imo)

Elyan is bad at blacksmithing. Like really bad. No one even understands how that works, considering he spent his whole childhood training under his father. All the blacksmithing talent apparently went to Gwen somehow

He likes bugs. When he was a kid he would go out in the woods and collect beetles and stuff to stick in little terrarium jars. He’d even give them names and backstories and personalities. Sometimes he would sit under a tree and tell Gwen stories about all these adventures his bugs would go on when no one was looking

Leon HATED bugs, and got creeped out by them, which meant Elyan was legally obligated to harass him about it

Elyan doesn’t get much chance to catch bugs anymore, but he’s also the only member of the Round Table who can put up with spiders

Spider in the armory? Everyone is freaking out while Elyan just calmly picks it up and lets it outside - but not without lots of snark and eye-rolling, of course

The reason Elyan ran away from home was because his mother had died and he saw it as a personal failing. He felt that it was his fault she was dead, because he couldn’t protect her, and left Camelot because he couldn’t bear the shame of guilt

In the last few years of his time away from Camelot, Elyan fell in love and lived out an mlm cottagecore fantasy where he and his lover raised wyverns together. But when Morgause came to capture him, she killed his lover and burnt their wyvern farm to the ground

Elyan tries not to let his grief be known, though. Not just because he doesn’t want to burden Gwen with his pain, but also because his lover had magic and he could get arrested for having fallen in love with a sorcerer

Morgause had Elyan captive for a while before Gwen showed up. She even used the nathair on him in small increments; not long enough to kill him or damage him irreparably, but enough to make him suffer. It’s for this reason that Elyan was able to bounce back from being tortured by Morgana whereas Gwaine didn’t survive it, because Morgause had already microdosed him with that kind of pain two years ealier

Still traumatizing, though. Like. This boy is EXTREMELY traumatized, can someone please get him some therapy???

Moving back to Camelot with Gwen was simultaneously healing and harming. Healing, because  he visited his dad’s grave, rebuilt his relationship with Gwen, and his companionship with her, Merlin, and Leon helped him move on from the pain of his loss. But harming because of all the anti-magic prejudice that surrounded him, and every time someone said magic was evil it was like another dagger in his heart. That was his dead lover they were talking about and calling a monster. Someone who was kind and compassionate and funny, who didn’t have a lick of evil in them, who would have burned at the stake by Camelot’s laws

Elyan didn’t think about what it meant to be a knight of Camelot when he agreed to be knighted. But he was just so determined to fight and kill Morgause, the woman who had killed his lover and his wyverns and abducted him from his home, that he didn’t even think about it. He just wanted Morgause dead. It wasn’t until a few days later when he realized that being a knight of Camelot meant enforcing Camelot’s anti-magic laws, and this realization naturally caused him distress

Instead of abandoning his knighthood, Elyan found a compromise. He would support Arthur in everything, until magic got involved. If Arthur ever captured druids or put sorcerers to death, Elyan decided he would smuggle them out of the city. He would never actively kill or capture those with magic, and would sometimes even try to sabotage efforts in capturing harmless magic-users

Elyan knew full well what Dragoon was doing. He knew that Gwen and Arthur’s love was true and required no enchantment, meaning Dragoon had simply framed himself to get Gwen out of a jam. He appreciates Dragoon, and even though he supposedly killed Uther, Elyan can’t even fault him for that. Elyan wanted to kill Uther too

Merlin is the little brother Elyan always wanted, and Elyan is the older brother Merlin never had. They act so much like siblings it’s not even funny, and some people question if they were actually raised together 

He and Merlin like to team up and tease Gwen. They’ll walk behind her and chant stuff like “Gwen and Arthur sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G”. They’re like children, and it’s both very funny and very annoying

Gwen gets her revenge, of course. She always gets her revenge

They also team up to be like. Super protective of Gwen. The vetting process Arthur had to go through - between Elyan, Leon, AND Merlin - in order to date Gwen was ridiculous

Arthur: Merlin I’m literally your boss. Your friend. You've been my personal manservant for like six years now

Merlin: Yeah, which means I know exactly how much of a dick you are

After being possessed by the druid ghost, Elyan is a lot more in tune with the supernatural

Am I suggesting that Elyan can now see, talk to, and interact with ghosts, and even starts a little agency where he goes around helping them complete their unfinished business? Why yes, yes I am

When Gwen was banished, Elyan wanted to go with her. But she asked him to stay behind and keep an eye on Agravaine, as she suspected him of treachery, and to stop him from taking over Camelot should Agravaine make a move. And, well, Elyan has never been able to say no to his sister

Elyan and Merlin decided to try and find a way to prove Gwen’s innocence. There’s no way she was acting of her own accord, after all. There was some kind of enchantment at play, there had to be. Merlin doesn’t tell him about Shade!Lancelot directly, but does propose it as a theory regarding how Lancelot had come back from the dead. Elyan supports the theory 100%

About two months after the wedding, Merlin and Elyan locate the enchanted bracelet, and Gwen and Lancelot’s names are finally cleared

In Avalon, Elyan, Freya, and Lancelot spend the whole time watching/narrating the events of season 5 like sports commentators. They are all mutually exasperated at Merlin’s antics

When Arthur shows up in Avalon, the only reason Elyan doesn’t punch him in the face is because he’s too busy restraining Lance from doing the same

He does, however, give him a strong talking-to about how “all your magic and you still can’t save my life” is a horrible thing to say actually

Lancelot, however, is more upset about the “I guess I was wrong” speech

Gwaine shows up in Avalon like. SUPER traumatized. He died while being tortured by a nathair, died in a way that he perceived to be failure, and he’s kinda messed up because of that. Elyan, who has already had a few years to cope with nathair torture, is the one who helps Gwaine heal from his trauma

In the 21st century, Elyan gets reincarnated along with everyone else. His childhood is plagued with weird dreams, dreams that terrify him. Snakes and pain, wyverns and fire, all of it. He meets an old man who calls himself Merlin, who helps Elyan through the pain of remembering his past life. For once, Elyan gets to be taken care of instead of the other way around. For once, he is allowed to be vulnerable and weak and struggling. He doesn’t hide his tears. He gets the help he needs and works through his trauma

And one day, many years later, he is walking down the street when he sees someone who looks oddly familiar. The face of an old lover, perhaps

Thanks for the ask! <3

[tiredassmage]

5 and 14 :3c

Fanfic Writer Asks!

I know right off the top I'm gonna ramble, so this is all just gonna go under a read more cut so I'm not drowning people in my after-work-posted-next-morning... whatever's about to come out of my brain. xD

5. What makes your main ship so compatible? Or what makes them so incompatible? What do they see in each other?

So, I'm nothing if not incredibly indecisive and also incredibly attached to basically all of them, so let me answer this for three whole ships because they're all my mains and I love them all very much.

I'll start with Gaius x Astor because it's, admittedly, the one I've overthought how to "justify" using a starting point like this. I put off actually leaning into them being a pair at all because all I'd really known was there was a very notable distaste for him and gods, don't bring conflict into my little happy zone, please, it really was as simple as he showed up in the STB afterstory and I thought he was hot, that was IT, it really did start that way, let me have this.

But, anyway, the TLDR of why they get to me so much is because I'm very set on them having a level of intimate understanding of one another that a lot of others can't or won't for them because of their previous accomplishments, their titles, their history, their past. Through the course of the story, Astor feels the weight of all of these expectations and hopes he carries as a Warrior of Light weighing on him more and more and more to the point where, sometimes, it feels like it's just impossible to ever truly find peace for himself. He's not quite sure if he's really in touch with who he is or what he wants, when he stops to think about it, as being the hero doesn't exactly allow for a lot of time for it.

And Gaius is a man with two whole decades on him. Twenty plus years of more life experience. And an intimate, just as unsettling familiarity with the idea of trying to find a new way forward. Realizing your previous path isn't working, for one reason or another, yet possessed of the fortitude and resolve to carry on, anyway. To find a new way forward. Astor would be an absolute liar if he tried to say that wasn't appealing, that it isn't a part of the massive comfort being with Gaius has provided. And because of this mutual understanding foundation, they've been able to trust each other with a lot in a relatively short period of time. Astor is comfortable expressing his doubts to Gaius, how the praise and the commendations all feel almost sickening sometimes, how "you've done the impossible before" has started to become so exhaustively draining rather than a warm sentiment from a caring friend and coworker, and, in his own ways, Gaius has been able to do the same, though he's not exactly the same brutally bleeding heart Astor is. Where Astor might more easily be able to collapse unto words, finally putting sound to the myriad struggles that have plagued his mind for years now, Gaius is still a seasoned soldier and commander, and settled comfortably and almost without thought into this more protective role in the relationship - he's the unyielding rock, ready to catch his Warrior when he stumbles, reassure him that there is a way through this all. I think he's used to this sort of... take command of the situation kind of role, so Astor's comfort tends to be more of the being physically present, knowing what little tells and ticks the Garlean has that says more than words ever would. The way his eyes drop when there's more on his mind than he'll say. The way the muscles feather in his jaw when he's upset or angered by something, but holding back. The careful way he folds his hands together when considering something, or mulling over his next words. The subtle shifts in his eyes.

Really, they just have an understanding of one another, and they're two people that are struggling to find something new and solid to hold onto and plant their feet on while they feel out new, unstable territory, and they're doing it together, and that's what makes them a good support system for one another! And... I've already prattled on WAY longer than I should have, oh boy.

Somewhat related, kinda, then, is the reason why I fucking love Astor x Eden (@fatewalker-phoenix). They're our wholesomely good domestic couple that Are Just GOOD and they're just sO GOOD FOR EACH OTHER OKAY sobbing noises. Again, I'd really boil it down to them knowing each other well enough to know each other. They know what kind of support the other needs and when they need it. They also benefitted from starting off as friends and fellow adventurers, and the slow, steady progression from friends to lovers is definitely a part of their appeal to both of us involved. They're so good for each other, in fact, that Astor has clear desires for what kind of future he wants with her and for them. He knew he wanted to marry her, and he did!! And he wants to have a family with her one day!! And he believes that's possible! Because they're together! And they've got this! They've been through so much of everything together, so they have already seen each other in the highest highs and lowest lows. They get it, and they know it's okay! They know they fuck up sometimes, and most of the times... it's because they love one another. They so clearly take care of one another and it's just... It's the kind of good relationship I think everyone should have. Get you a fuckin' man that loves you as much as Astor loves Eden, okay.

It's a long running joke turned canon that, like, Astor knew he wanted to marry Eden going into Shadowbringers, but, y'know, the whole First thing happened, so he... didn't exactly have time to bring it up with her, and then the Lightwardens happen, and, basically, tldr, by the end of Shadowbringers, an exhausted by fighting multiple Lightwardens and containing all of that nasty aether Astor is toddling around telling people how he needs to find his WIFE and they're. They're not married yet. He hasn't fucking proposed to her yet. Hasn't even mentioned it to her. But she's wife. She's totally Wife. Have you seen how cool his wife is??? Yeah, she's fantastic. Incredible. So skilled.

Of course, he then actually gets to wife the girl, and he could not have possibly been happier than when she said yes. Except for maybe y'know... Just every time he gets to look over at her and realize... they did that. They're here. Them. This.

They did this. They're... them.

[aladygrieve]

Merlin/Arthur Fic Rec

** - Favourite

FANDOM CLASSICS

Castle (The Rules by Which We Live) by kickflaw Word count: 16,200 Summary: Merlin knows that getting off fastest when he’s got some BDSM porno playing loud on the computer doesn’t mean he’d really like to be that bloke, gagged and bent over and bound. Right? Notes: Modern AU and the best BDSM I’ve ever read.

Destiny That Darkly Hides Us by Nympha_Alba Word count: 63,000 Summary: It’s 1913, the practice of homosexuality is unlawful, so is the practice of magic. When Arthur Pendragon and Merlin Emrys meet as Cambridge undergrads, they’re both hungry for a real and true connection without secrets. For a short time they believe they may have found it. But war breaks out and separates them, and it seems unlikely that they will meet again. After all, what are the odds? Notes: Includes reincarnation!

Drastically Redefining Protocol by rageprufrock Word count: 46,000 WIP Summary:In which Prince Arthur meets Merlin and all hell promptly breaks loose. Notes: Modern AU in which Merlin is a chain-smoking med student and Arthur is the womanizing Prince of Wales. Includes several companion stories.

**The Student Prince by FayJay Word count: 145,200 Summary: A modern day Merlin AU set at the University of St Andrews, featuring teetotal kickboxers, secret wizards, magnificent bodyguards of various genders, irate fairies, imprisoned dragons, crumbling gothic architecture, arrogant princes, adorable engineering students, stolen gold, magical doorways, attempted assassination, drunken students, shaving foam fights, embarrassing mornings after, The Hammer Dance, duty, responsibility, friendship and true love… Notes: Because really, no rec list is complete without the novel-length jewel of the Merlin fandom. It’s plotty, beautifully written and perfectly in-character, and is especially dear to my heart now that I’ve actually visited St. Andrews. I highly recommend the podfic, as FayJay is an incredible reader.

REINCARNATION/FINALE-COMPLIANT

Hold My Heart Until it Beats by ingberry Word count: 1920 Summary: Arthur dies and waits for Albion to need him again. But most of all he waits for Merlin. Notes: Great use of the Arthur waits trope.

**Hopeless Wanderer by Magnolia822 Word count: 18,500 Summary: Merlin has been wandering the world for hundreds of years alone; one day a young blond man moves into the flat upstairs. But does Arthur remember? Notes: Still my all-time favourite reincarnation fic.

I Keep Going Over the World We Knew (Over and Over) by Mellacita Word count: 51,100 Summary: When Merlin Emrys is sent on a ‘round-the-world assignment, he begins remembering a life of magic, dragons, and kings. To make matters worse, a strange woman starts stalking him along the way. And that’s before he even meets Arthur Pendragon, whose answer to climate change is going to save the world. Because apparently just saving Britain won’t be enough this time around. Notes: Plotty and intricate and very, very cool.

Let Your Heart Hold Fast by Acavall Word count: 3000 Summary: Merlin waits for Arthur’s return, and the only way to hold on to his memories is to write them down. Over and over, again and again, as history marches by. Notes: Works interesting historical references into the reincarnation deal.

Never Let Me Go by LadyVader Word count: 3500 Summary: Merlin has walked the world for a long time waiting for his friends return. Notes: Great use of the rest of the characters.

Now I Will Unsettle the Ground Beneath You by nu_breed Word count: 42,300 Summary: Merlin’s dreams have always fuelled his art, but they’ve always been abstract and removed from reality. Soon after he meets Gwaine, he starts to see vivid images of a past full of death and magic and love for a King who was ripped from him. Things only escalate further when he spends a weekend in the country with Gwaine and meets his group of friends, which includes aristocrat and It Boy, Arthur Pendragon. Merlin soon realises that no matter how hard you try, one thing is certain, you can’t fuck with destiny. Notes: Merlin’s dating Gwaine but he and Arthur can’t keep their hands off each other. I love it.

Old Love, But in Shapes That Renew and Renew Forever by leopardwrites Word count: 3500 Summary: People accept that an old man might live alone. People understand that he might have lost the greatest love he has ever known. Notes: Fics that deal with old!Merlin are never not going to be gut-wrenching.

CANON ERA

A Bet by juxtapose Word count: 1100 Summary: In which the Knights stumble upon a private moment between the Prince and his manservant, Leon is uncomfortable, and Gwaine decides to make a bet. Notes: All the knights are fantastic in this one.

The Accidental Seduction by Ras Elased Word count: 9000 Summary: Arthur’s a bit dim and a prank goes horribly awry, but in the end this works out to the benefit of all involved. Notes: Almost unbearably adorable.

**Finding Home by riventhorn Word count: 7860 Summary: When Gaius retires, a new physician takes over, one that quickly kicks Merlin out of his room and takes it for himself, Arthur finds Merlin sleeping in the stables..and it’s winter. Notes: Good old-fashioned hurt/comfort with a dash of fluff. Probably my favourite canon-era fic.

**Fools of Us All by adelagia Word count: 11,100 Summary: Merlin accidentally makes everybody in Camelot fall in love with him. Everybody except Arthur, that is. Notes: Cute, funny and very in-character.

Freedom Hangs Like Heaven by derryere Word count: 9000 Summary: It’s happened five times and they don’t talk about it. Notes: The unresolved romantic tension will end you.

The Greater Bond by ravenflight21 Word count: 15,500 Summary: When Arthur is kidnapped by slavetraders, Merlin has only one option: to buy him. Playing Arthur’s master has its drawbacks – but it also has extraordinary compensations. Notes: Fabulous trope that also includes fancy dress. What more do you want?

**A Heavy Heart to Carry by ThursdayNext Word count: 12,561 Summary: When Merlin is captured and injured, Arthur must face up to his own feelings for his manservant as well as the many secrets he discovers are being kept from him. Notes: I think this might have been the first merthur fic I ever read. It’s Cold Outside by ionionie Word count: 2500 Summary: Merlin and Arthur get trapped in a cave on a freezing cold night. How do they stay warm? Notes: I’m such a sucker for this trope it’s actually sad.

**Meteorology by fayhe Word count: 4600 Summary: Character study with spot-on cameos from Uther, Morgana, Gaius and even Kilgarrah. Notes: Best Gen.

So That I Might Be Where You Areby cherrybina Word count: 4600 Summary: When a spell goes wrong, Merlin and Arthur are linked together in an unusual way, which leads to lots and lots of UST. Notes: Not kidding about the UST, which works surprisingly well. **Stars Above, Stones Below by Destina Word count: 46,800 Summary: After the disastrous end of his betrothal to Gwen and the regret of his offer to Princess Mithian, Arthur swears off finding a wife until he’s ready to wed. When Merlin offers himself to Arthur as bedmate, Arthur suggests they hand-fast in secret for a single year of mutual pleasure without obligation. As their year together unfolds, and secrets and betrayals unravel around them, Arthur and Merlin learn there is no such thing as uncomplicated pleasure. Everything they thought they knew can change in the span of a single year. Notes: Another one of my absolute favourites. Winterbloom by Shinybug Word count: 6200 Summary: Deep in the woods in the frozen heart of winter, a careless comment leads to a redefinition of Arthur’s relationship with his manservant. Notes: Emotionally-constipated boys shivering in the cold will always be one of my favourite things.

MODERN AU

A Change of Pace by kianspo Word count: 54,600 Summary: The one in which Arthur works in finances and his suits are various (two) shades of grey, Merlin works in advertisement and has no boundaries whatsoever, Morgana drinks rum, Mithian stages a coup, Agravaine is aggravating, and Elena’s house is amazing. Also, Andy Warhol is mentioned in vain, and Arthur and Merlin fall in love in Victorian era style. Notes: In which Arthur has a structured, ordered, boring life, until Merlin comes along.

This Silly ol’ Dance is Perfect for Two by SlantedKnitting Word count: 80,500 Summary: Arthur is young, gorgeous, talented, and captain of one of the best football teams in England; his life should be perfect. But he can’t keep a girlfriend for more than a few months, and it’s not just because he isn’t ready to settle down. When his most recent girlfriend dumps him, he has a rough night at the pub and has to be dragged home by his neighbour, Merlin. Merlin is an archivist, a Ph.D student, and he hates football almost as much as he hates Arthur. They both have their own reasons for not wanting to spend time with each other, but after that disastrous night, remaining silent neighbors doesn’t seem like much of an option anymore. Notes: Plotty and original. Wicked Game by winterstorm Word count: 42,400 Summary: Arthur’s the King of Camelot…nightclub. He can pick and choose who he wants, and he does – often – no promises and absolutely no repeats. The night he chooses Merlin might just be his undoing. Notes: Slight age difference.

[fantasyoverreality98]

Fight the Darkness Pt. 2

Masterlist

Pairing: Gaius x MC

Summary: Amy reveals part of the reason why she sought out Gaius, and her internal struggle grows.

Word Count: 3,304

“We’ve been through this before, Amy. There was nothing you could have done to save Jax. Please stop torturing yourself over it. It’s only making your powers grow stronger.” Adrian pleaded with her, gripping her wrists a little too tight. Tears shone in his eyes, desperation clear in them.

Amy shook from the emotions flowing through her. “I can still do it. We can still bring him back.” She imagined Jax standing in the room with them, as though nothing had happened. Then she was back in the opera house. Jax jumped in front of her, the blade sinking into his flesh as Rheya aimed for her heart.

This wasn’t how it was meant to be. Their plan was supposed to flow smoothly. Gaius had been perfect, they all had been perfect. Rheya couldn’t have known that it was a setup.

“Amy. Stop.” Kamilah stepped beside Adrian, putting her hands over his. “Look at me. We’re here for you. We’ll always be here, but you need to let Jax go.”

She sobbed, sinking to the floor as a psychic blast burst through the office, destroying everything but leaving her three friends unharmed. “It isn’t fair. It’s not fair.”

“We’re here for you, Ames. All of us.” Lily was the first one to join her on the floor, keeping a distance as she spoke. “You’re in Adrian’s office. We defeated Rheya five years ago. Breathe, Amy. Breathe.”

Adrian and Kamilah stood behind Lily, both too afraid to move. The flashbacks had been getting worse. They exchanged a look, words not needed to communicate their worry.

Amy tried her best to stop hyperventilating, but it felt like the world was weighing down on her chest. Every breath was a struggle. Jax’s body turning to ash was all she saw, the grief crashing over her all over again.

It felt as though the world itself was about to end, and there was nothing she could do to stop it, just like she could do nothing to bring Jax back.

“Amy? Amy!”

Her eyes flew open, a gasp slipping past her lips when she saw the destruction all around her. It took a moment for her to realize that it wasn’t her doing. Instead, she was still in the crumbling house Gaius had taken her to the night before.

“What?” It had only been a dream. She had no reason to overthink it. That had been twenty years ago.

Gaius tightened the arm he had around her. “You were talking in your sleep.” He studied her face, reaching his free hand up to brush her hair aside. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

Amy nodded, leaning down to give him a quick kiss before she struggled to her feet. Her muscles ached from the previous night. Trekking through a bunch of trees wasn’t one of her favorite pastimes. She glanced outside, sighing when she saw that the sun was still shining. Sunshine was one of the things she missed most about being human.

“We should talk about last night.” Gaius was still laying on the couch, watching her pace the floor.

She glanced at him over her shoulder. “My being here, the fact that I still have some of Rheya’s powers, or the part where we had sex on a couch that’s probably older than I am?” There was less enthusiasm in her answer than she would’ve had last night.

To her surprise, he didn’t roll his eyes. “All of the above. But I’m most curious about your powers. Can you walk in the sun as she could?”

Amy laughed. “Of course not. The day I can walk in the sun is the day we’re all doomed.”

“This isn’t a time to make jokes.” She hated the way he was looking at her. As though he feared her. As though she was a monster. Amy turned away. “You can tell me if something is bothering you.”

“I told you. I’m fine, Gaius.” The air seemed to tremble, but she told herself it was just her imagination. Another storm must be on its way. “Do you want to talk about us now?”

He sighed, finally standing to make his way over to her. “What is there to discuss? You told me that you have feelings for me.”

“So, are you saying the feeling isn’t mutual?” She laughed when he rolled his eyes. “Did you know that you roll your eyes a lot? I mean a lot a lot.”

Gaius took a step closer to her. “That is because, as I said last night, you are insufferable.”

Amy hummed quietly, fixing his clothes before she looked up into his eyes. “You know you enjoy it.”

“Three thousand years, and I somehow managed to fall for the most irritating person in the world.” Still, despite the exasperated tone of his voice, he grinned.

“Do mine ears deceive me? Or hast thou confessed thy affections for me?” She smirked when he glared at her. “What? I loved Shakespeare in school. It’s kind of disappointing to me that you don’t talk like that.”

Gaius shook his head, closing the distance between them. She had a feeling it was mostly to get her to shut up. Still, she wasn’t going to complain. Thousands of years of experience made him a pretty excellent kisser.

The two of them fell back on the couch again, another puff of dust floating in the air. Amy ignored it this time, sliding one hand up the back of his neck into his hair. She had spent twenty-five years dreaming about a moment just like this. About a time where the two of them could be themselves and not have to worry about the judgement of any of the others. Kamilah would most definitely not approve, and neither, she assumed, would Adrian. Lily was in a bit of a gray area.

When they had been traveling to their almost certain dooms, on a boat that had seen better days, Amy had finally caught a glimpse of the true Gaius. He was just as broken as her, his complete and utter shock when she kissed him on the cheek making her want him more than before. Every rational part of her had screamed at her to stop that night, to not do anything that would disgust her friends and anyone in their right sense of mind. But she hadn’t cared.

A small part of her had worried that the others might suspect, and yet a larger part of her had almost wanted them to know. She had slept with the enemy, and she had absolutely no regrets about it. It had disappointed her when he left without saying goodbye after Rheya’s defeat. All night, she had waited for him. He never came.

As Amy had suspected, another storm rolled in half an hour later. Gaius ignored the rain that once more seeped in through the cracks in the ceiling, his lips traveling down her neck as she slipped a hand under his shirt and traced the length of his spine.

In this moment, she could momentarily forget about her friends searching for her back home and of the grief that still gripped her every time she spent too long thinking about Jax. He had been one of her best friends. She and Lily had both struggled to cope with his death, relying on each other for the first few years to make it through.

“As nice as this is, I think we should figure out what we’re doing next. You said you planned to move on from here in a few days.” Amy hated forcing Gaius to stop, but she had no intention of having sex on this filthy couch again.

Gaius sighed, pulling away. “I planned to travel to Greece. It has been a long time since I’ve been there.” He looked over at her. “I understand if you don’t want to come along. The journey will not be easy.”

Amy stood from the couch and walked over to the window, stepping into the place where sunlight had shone an hour earlier. “Stop trying to get rid of me. I told you that I’m coming with you.” She turned around to face him again, shivering from the cold that swept over her. “There’s nothing for me back home. The others want nothing to do with me.”

A flash of a blade. A blur of dark brown hair. Ashes. Screams.

She shut her eyes, trying to drown out the symphony of chaos building inside her head. Twenty-five years should make it easier. By some miracle, she had gone this long without embracing the darkness. All she had to do was hold out just a little bit longer. Day by day, month by month, year by year. It had worked so far.

“You need to tell me what the problem is.” Gaius was standing a few feet away when she opened her eyes again, worry etched into his features. “Amy, why did you search for me?”

How had last night not helped her? She’d thought that this reunion would help with the inexplicable struggle she’d been facing the past six months, but it seemed to have made things worse.

Amy shook her head, walking past him to grab Jax’s sword from its resting spot near the door. The packets of blood in her backpack made her stomach clench. Without bothering to ask Gaius if he wanted any, she ripped one open and drained the bag of its contents in seconds. A quiet moan of satisfaction slipped past her lips, and the world was righted.

“Now, what do you say we get a head start on our quest to Greece?” Amy grabbed another bag of blood and threw it over her shoulder at Gaius. She smiled when he caught it, watching her with a mixture of awe and fear.

“If you wish for us to go anywhere, you need to start answering my questions.” He drank the blood within a few minutes, licking the remnants off his lips.

She hesitated, debating whether to tell him the truth. It seemed like he could help when she first set out in search of him, but now Amy was having second thoughts. They really didn’t know each other well. Their physical relationship didn’t ensure an emotional connection. He might see her as a threat instead.

But the only one who could truly understand what she was experiencing was Gaius. He had once been poisoned by Rheya’s influence, by the darkness that occupied her. If not him, then who?

“It’s growing stronger.” Although the answer was once again vague, she knew that no further explanation was needed.

Gaius took a sharp breath, eyeing the sword on her back. “What happened in New York?”

“It doesn’t matter anymore.” The truth was too horrifying to admit. All she wanted was a distraction. All she needed was to join Gaius for her own redemption.

The sun no longer shone outside, the storm ushering in clouds and nightfall. Amy packed up her bags, taking one last glance at the couch before she left the old house. For one brief moment the previous night, she’d been able to forget about everything. She could lose herself in Gaius. She could remind herself that light still existed somewhere inside of her, and that, somehow, he was the only one who could bring it out.

Her skin seemed to glow under the moonlight, the little bit of blood renewing what she had felt when first arriving in the town the night before. Amy grinned to herself, peering at Gaius, who walked alongside her with his face set in a stern glare.

Sounds echoed all around them, a few passersby pausing to take in Gaius’ clothing. Amy rolled her eyes and vowed to convince him to get a new outfit during their next stop. She’d had enough of the extremely outdated getup, complete with that absurd cloak.

“How do you know that it’s growing stronger?” Gaius mumbled once they’d passed another human, this one looking even more curious than the last.

They walked in silence a minute before she spoke. “What happened last night? That was a mild reaction compared to what happened before I left New York.”

“And you somehow believe that I hold the key to fixing your problems?”

“No, I just know that you’re the only one who’s been influenced by Rheya’s darkness that I trust enough to confide in.” Amy fought back a smile at the shock on his face from her admission. “It’s nice to see that I still manage to take you by surprise. Even after last night. I have a lot more where that came from.”

He rolled his eyes. Again. “Would it kill you to stay on topic? This is meant to be serious. Are you saying Rheya’s darkness is controlling you?”

Amy chewed on her bottom lip as they continued to walk away from the town. She opened her mouth to answer, when a lone howl pierced the air. “Please tell me that’s just a wolf,” she mumbled, turning back to face Gaius. “Why were you here in the first place?”

His mouth was set in a firm line. “There was a pack of werewolves tormenting this town when I first arrived thirteen days ago. One or two of them may have managed to get away, and I assume they aren’t very happy with me.”

Great. Dealing with pissed off werewolves was the last thing she wanted to deal with right now.

The bushes behind them rustled, and Amy unsheathed her blade as a massive figure leaped in front of her. On instinct, she thrust the sword forward, watching it disappear inside the werewolf’s chest. The creature dropped to the ground, and she staggered back, feeling a weight on her chest as she remembered how it felt to have a sword go through her flesh.

Amy bent over and placed her hands on her knees, breathing heavily. She shut her eyes in an attempt to block out the noise inside her head.

It wasn’t until she felt a hand on her back that Amy broke free from her thoughts. She looked up at Gaius, tears burning her eyes. No longer was there mild annoyance reflected in his face.

She hated this. The past six months, she barely felt like herself. Entire hours were missing from her memory. Some nights, she had walked the streets of New York completely unaware, only gaining her focus when the sun was high in the sky, and she had to hurry to find somewhere to wait until nightfall before she succumbed to the sunlight.

“Good job,” she said, nodding to the second werewolf body that lay near the first one she’d killed. “I knew you could do it.”

Gaius stared at her. “Same to you.” His smile looked forced, but she wasn’t in the mood to dwell on the topic of her internal struggle. All she needed was to take some time to calm down. Whatever she was going through, it would pass.

Amy walked over to the first werewolf body and grabbed the handle of her katana, planting her foot on the creature’s chest as she pulled the weapon free. Something moved further within the trees, and she tried to steady her breathing.

“Do you think we could find somewhere less…haunted for our next hideout?” She cleaned the blade before sheathing it, praying there weren’t any more vicious beasts lingering nearby.

“You complain now, but were you not the one who insisted the couch was perfectly fine last night?”

His response surprised her, and she started to laugh, delighting in the warmth that spread over her. She clung to it with every fiber of her being.

“I needed my fix. Do you know how long it had been since I had sex?” She started to step closer to him, but hesitated.

Gaius noticed her hesitation and some of the awkwardness between them returned. It took a moment before he finally stepped closer, his breath visible in the cool spring air. “Amy…may I kiss you?”

“As if you even need to ask.” Relief washed over her, and she grabbed him and pulled him closer. They both seemed to feed off the adrenaline slaying the werewolves had given, their lips moving urgently against each other.

It wasn’t until the sounds of the spooky forest grew too loud to ignore that they separated. Amy reached up to run her fingers across his cheeks, stopping when she reached his jaw. She gulped, terrified of the way she felt about him. She had dreamt of him far more than she cared to admit.

“We should get moving.” Gaius held her face in his hands for a few seconds more before moving away, looking like he didn’t want to leave this spot. “I’ll try to find us a more comfortable place to stay.”

“All I ask if that we get a proper bed.”

The chances of them finding an abandoned place to stay that had a bed were slim. Still, Amy held onto that hope as they walked long into the night. There was nothing but empty field as far as the eye could see. When the sky started to grow lighter, her worry increased.

Amy watched the sky, searching for an indication that the sun was going to rise. “Remind me again why we’re walking across Europe? All it took was a short ride for me to get to the town.”

“Believe it or not, I enjoy the scenery. And we aren’t walking across the whole continent. Just until we reach a city and then we can take a plane from there.” Gaius sounded serious, but she had a hard time believing him.

Much to her despair, the only place they managed to find before sunrise was a tiny cabin beside a swamp. It would be hilarious were it not for the fact that she had to spend the rest of the day there.

“Somehow, this is even worse than the last place.” Amy plucked an old rag from the kitchen counter and wrinkled her nose in disgust. She threw it back down and turned to explore the rest of the two-room hovel.

At least there was a bed.

“Must you complain about the accommodations all the time?” Gaius dropped his bag on the floor and took in his surroundings. “There’s a bed, just like you requested.”

Amy glared at him, not impressed with the situation. The bed looked like it had been unused for several years, but it would have to do. If this was how her life would be for the foreseeable future, then so be it.

As soon as she dropped on the mattress, a cloud of dust erupted from the sheets. Amy coughed, waving her hand in front of her face. She turned her head to the window near the bed and saw the sun beginning to rise.

“What should we do to pass the time?” She sat up on her elbows to look at Gaius, who stood watching her from across the room.

“I have a few ideas.” He eyed her in the same way he had on that boat so many years ago. The desire for her reflected in his face made her instantly forget about everything else. New York, Rheya’s darkness, the horrible living conditions…they all faded away.

Amy sat up further, patting the spot beside her. “Why don’t you come over here and we can discuss those ideas further?”

Gaius did as she said, taking a seat on the bed. He’d barely sat down before she tugged him to her. They had a long day of waiting ahead of them, and nothing but each other to keep themselves entertained.

Perhaps she could put up with the bad living spaces if it ended like this. Only time would tell.

[ishgard]

39 for... The Ship.

(Send me a ship and a number and I’ll tell you…)

39. - Who initiated the relationship? Who kissed who first?  When did they realize they were in love?

First, things change a bit depending on all sorts of various circumstances - different verse/au’s, etc., also I’m an absolute slut for re-examining different scenarios in which a pairing might finally confess/kiss/etc., over and over because it always delights me. Plus I like to leave room for whatever canon might give me to build off of. But, I’ll go over some of the constants that are typically shared across all of them. Buckle in, kids, this is gonna get wordy.

Actually, best to probably start with ‘when they realized’. For Ahru it almost always kind of starts one night by a campfire when she’s on watch. She had taken the mask he’d thrown at her feet that day in the Burn, and on this night pulls it out. She looks between it and his sleeping face, puzzling over the fact that this is, indeed, the same man. It’s fairly early on in their times traveling together, and less a realization that she’s in ‘love’ so much as a subtle realization that there is some attraction.

Throughout their travels, more and more, she realizes how much she trusts and can rely upon him in all manner of affairs - and this isn’t to say she can’t do that with anyone else. (I feel like sometimes I put such emphasis on this that the Scions and her other friends feel ostracized, which is not the case at all.) It’s simply different in the sense it all feels very personal to her, very outside the norm of the rest of her relationships.

She has responsibilities and certain struggles when it comes to the others, that she feels less inclined to be so uptight and stiff about with herself when she’s with him, humorously enough. This is in part a result of personal growth throughout 4.X/SHB story - she’s learning to trust and rely on others in general, and the timing with Gaius played into that perfectly. Another big thing for her along these same lines is how easily she sleeps around him.

Sleep is… a big thing for Ahru. She’s always struggled with it almost all her life, and the traumas and nightmares her journeys have left her with only make it more trying. This is, again, something she’s been getting better with, but it’s still difficult, especially when she feels like she must always be ready to run off and fight, or protect those around her.

With Gaius, she’s surprised to find how easy it is for her to acknowledge that he’s on watch, and she can rest. Which does wonders for her spirits of course; who wouldn’t feel more content and happy around someone who puts you so at ease? And it’s something he does so effortlessly, hilariously enough - just he, himself, this stern yet passionate man who in many enough ways is both her mirror and her opposite. And that’s kind of the realization that puts it all into perspective.

They are so very different, but they’ve both burned alive and survived, they’ve both been dragged down into cinders and ash and rose up in defiance, forged themselves anew - and it made them better. She begins confiding in him more, seeking his counsel, and finds enjoyment in talking about any little thing with him. Debating subjects of politics and primals, hashing out old wounds and offering as much comfort and consolation as she receives in turn.

She loves his rationality and wisdom - he can at times be stubborn and hot-headed (always a bit of a surprise, tbh, but she loves that too) but he’s not often driven by impulse, which is anchoring for her. (I could really ramble on about things they specifically love about each other for way too long though.)

(this is long lemme break the word wall with something soft)

For Gaius, there was always some measure of acknowledgment - I just really thrive on the idea that even in ARR he had his eye on her and was intrigued to a degree not typical of him. He wanted her at his side, enough to ask her to join him after she’d killed some of his best and most loyal - which… there’s a lot to unpack there, really, but that’s big digressos. There was, on some very base level, attraction, but dismissed out-of-hand in his pursuits.  (only to come bite him in the ass with a good ‘Oh.’ later)

Seeing her again in the Burn was unexpected, but something he’d been prepared for. I think he always knew one day their paths would cross again - I don’t think he knew she would be there at Seiryu’s Wall, and his statement “We will meet again, Warrior of Light.” was certain - suggesting a previously held sentiment. 

Traveling together, fighting alongside one another, he sees clearly how much she’s changed, how much she struggles - and perseveres. She’s determined, and has such unwavering strength of character despite how much she has struggled and fought with herself. (“You have suffered enough, and warred with yourself, it’s time that you won.”)

He gets to learn more about the woman she is beneath the mantle she now wears, and just what those responsibilities have done to her - and he helps her remember a bit who she used to be, who she still is. Because he starts to bring it out in her - more of her light-hearted teasing, her mischief and levity that he, normally, would dismiss - but ultimately finds endearing.

He’d already long acknowledged her as a warrior, as an individual worthy of his offer to stand alongside him - of course only to realize it was, all along, he who was unworthy. To rule, to lead…

He committed countless, unforgivable transgressions in his past, and lives only for revenge - and she sees that. She understands that - and she forgives it. She can’t wipe it away, she can’t make it better for anyone else in the world, but as they travel together she comes to desperately want him to seek and find something more in life apart from his revenge.

And it’s her. Of course it’s her. He finds a similar ease in her as she does him; the ability to smile and laugh, just a little. Even if the world tells him he doesn’t deserve it - even if he doesn’t - she wants him to, and he does. It’s slight and subtle and in a way that is his own, but it means something. She lightens him - the give and take is cyclical between them and without tally.

When he realizes, it’s… kind of something he already knew. Something that took the back-seat to saving the realm and his reluctance to allow himself anything beyond revenge. But he’s not one to beat around the bush and act a fool, he’s much too old for that. Ahru, on the other hand, is historically bad at allowing her heart to love whoever it’s screaming at her to open herself up to. She buries herself in work and distractions - but it’s different this time. She’s different - and she is so very tired of running and by now she knows how easy it is to simply be and rest in his presence.

So it’s rarely a case of one party making a particularly grand sweeping confession or kissing the other unawares. (Though, I’ll admit in some of my many imagined scenarios I am especially weak to the idea of Ahru ACTUALLY being the first to make a move. She’s not shy by any stretch of the word -  except when it comes to being honest about such feelings perhaps - so her finally taking the first step while holding such strong emotions inside herself is Big Progress.)

Typically though, there’s a mutual discussion - which, maybe doesn’t sound like riveting romance material. But it’s heartfelt and it’s true, it’s calm and easing. For Ahru’s part, sometimes there are tears as she breaks through her own walls to tell him that; against all odds, all she wants, so very simply, is to be with him.

Sometimes this happens after they’ve already been intimate - there’s attraction between them already, there are feelings they’ve both had yet to name, and they look at each other and they both know. They know in the way they say each others names, the way they fall into easy patterns both on and off the battlefield, the ways they confide and trust in one another. So they throw together their bedrolls and they fuck it out - but there’s far more emotion there that can’t be denied. However, there’s still a war or some conflict or other that needs dealing with, so there’s no time to hash all that out yet -

No time, there’s never any time - until they make it. And they do. They go on to carve out moments for themselves, even if no one else understands, even if in worst case scenarios no one could possibly accept. They find peace with each other, and it’s something neither of them would ever take for granted.

…Anyway if you read all of this I love you and… I’m sorry? thatwassomuch :’‘‘D

[grimahearted]

below the cut is a 1.6k-word meta turned drabble about the first timeline. PLEASE be mindful of the trigger warnings listed in the tags--i don’t think it’s too graphic, but i do name certain actions and it might be disturbing. everything has either been drawn directly from canon, has been plotted with another mun, or involves a muse who i have not interacted with.

this is canon to my blog

ruya is a lot less trusting and a lot less forgiving in the first timeline. her past is...painful, shall we say, between being on the run, losing their mother, being forcibly teleported away on the brink of being captured, and suffering from abuse/assault at the hands of previous employers, because in ylisse no one in a court of law is gonna believe the brown girl over the white man--especially when the charge is rape. moreover, she’s faced a lot of racism (both in terms of microaggressions and in overt stuff). 

she joins the shepherds out of necessity. she’s running out of money, and sure, she’s not exactly leaping at the chance to be employed by the crown, it’s money and a place to stay, and she figures she’ll leave them within a couple of months anyway. she doesn’t trust the shepherds any farther than she can throw them, and she can’t throw ‘em very far because she’s not the physically strongest person around. also, she’s less likely to forgive someone for a slight, especially if she perceives it to be racial. of course, she doesn’t do much outwardly because she’s clearly the outsider in the shepherds, and doing so wouldn’t be safe (in her mind, anyway). 

it’s also harder for people to excuse her lack of social skills. as an amnesiac, there’s a clear explanation. but when she refuses to talk about her past and clearly has some odd mannerisms, people tend to keep their distance. not everyone, of course, but some. 

so, fast forward to them reaching regna ferox. she’s not too happy with chrom’s comment about the plegians being sent to cause trouble at the border (even if she understands his frustration), and the only shepherd she feels like is maybe a friend is lissa, because lissa feels the safest out of the shepherds and also being mean to lissa would feel like kicking a puppy, and ruya’s not one to kick puppies. 

she does sort of get along with virion, and is one of the first shepherds to realize he’s from roseanne (though even she doesn’t know he’s the duke), and once she tells him to buzz off on the flirting and they discover a mutual interest in chess, they’re at least...somewhere on the way to becoming friends.

by the time they’ve rescued maribelle, ruya’s friend list consists of lissa, virion, chrom (who managed to make amends after some serious conversation), and sumia (whom she bonded with over books). it’s just enough to give her some ties to the shepherds, and with aversa and gangrel knowing exactly where she is, she figures it’s better to stay put. 

then the assassination happens. chrom is severely wounded in an attempt on his life, which will leave him with a permanent injury on his leg and prevents him from rushing to emmeryn’s aid once the main force arrives. ruya does her best to cobble together a defense, but she has to get chrom medical attention first. they run into gaius on their way, and the candies that fall out of chrom’s pockets while ruya is trying and failing to soldier carry chrom plus gaius’ own misgivings about the assassination thing. it’s a good thing she does, because gaius can carry chrom better than she can, and he gives her a vital piece of news: rajya is among the assassins, looking for her.

by the time ruya manages to rejoin the fray, gaius in tow, the shepherds are in a bit of disarray, seeing as they basically ran over after hearing the explosion, and there are holes in their defenses even after ruya starts giving orders because ruya doesn’t know the layout of the castle. she manages to recruit rajya, who was all too happy to defect from the other side to join her under the name raven, and a taguel named panne, who claims to owe the exalted line a debt.

it’s not enough. assassins use the secret passages known to only a select few to run right around their defenses, and by the time ruya realizes and scrambles to catch up, emmeryn is lying in a pool of her own blood, and the fire emblem is gone.

it’s not her fault, chrom tells her. but she feels like it is, and what’s more, most people (including many of the shepherds) blame her. it’s bad enough that she’s a plegian who’s tightlipped about her past, worse still that she recruited two of the enemy, and worst of all they find out that validar is her father--something even she didn’t know. chrom is hastily crowned exalt and puts his foot down, promising ruya a place in the shepherds if she wishes it, no matter what uproar the nobility might create.

with the few friends she has in the shepherds suffering from wounds both physical and mental, ruya decides to stay. chrom is grateful, and several of the shepherds relieved. others, not so. rumors begin to swirl, stories of blame twisting into stories of collusion--she was a spy all along, planted to ensure that the assassination runs smooth. 

with chrom on her side, she finally has the safety to fight back. she no longer just takes the cruel words and snide laughter, nor the thinly veiled accusations or slights that go beyond just words. but it doesn’t matter. she can insist all she wants, gaius and rajya can corroborate all they want, but the specter of guilt hangs steadily over her shoulders. still, she stays.

the war with plegia is long and grueling, with them facing the full might of the plegian army with their smaller force and low morale. but they see it through.  with gangrel’s head lopped off in the desert sands and the fire emblem back in their grasp, they return home, weary but triumphant. chrom makes her his formal advisor and grants rajya a place to stay, should she wish it. 

her new position only fuels the anger held by many in the court, and the slights increase to even a poisoned drink. deliberate snubs and rumors of an enchanted exalt, beguiled by plegian magic, begin to swirl. ( if ruya marries chrom, it is only worse)

luckily, she won’t have to put up with them for long. valm attacks port ferox, and the shepherds ride again after just shy of a year of peace, and ruya’s relationship with a majority of the shepherds is as rocky as ever. none amongst them doubt her loyalty any longer, years of fighting erasing that doubt. but they aren’t exactly close, either. ruya holds many of them at arms’ length, save for the precious few whom she trusts. but things are better, and she’s happy to call each and every shepherd a friend, or at least a friendly acquaintance.

the war with valm proceeds more or less the way it did in the second timeline, save for the occasional complication made by chrom’s leg. say’ri and tiki join their party, and while ruya takes to both of them, she’s left chilled by tiki’s occasional musings on their own similarities, and the knowledge that the manakete brings--the grimleal are trying to revive their fallen god, and the only way to safeguard against it is to collect the remaining gemstone and complete the rite of awakening.

plegia has sable. in hindsight, it is just too convenient that they extend an invitation. but alas, validar had been careful to keep distance between himself and his most devout followers, and even rajya does not realize that it’s a trap before it’s too late.

ruya seizes the emblem under validar’s command, bound to his will by the rite performed on her as an infant, and rajya launches an assault on the prince, validar’s aim to end as much of the exalted bloodline as he can. chrom does not want to fight rajya, but frederick cannot simply stand by as his liege is attacked. 

frederick’s lance pierces rajya, and the surge of emotion it wells within ruya is enough to break the last of validar’s grip on her mind. she breaks free just in time to cradle her twin sister as she dies. fearing what else they might lose, the shepherds flee castle plegia, rajya’s body left behind.

ruya rounds on frederick in her grief. validar’s control left rajya wide open to attack, her sorcerer’s robes no match for the strength of a lance, but ruya doesn’t know that. she blames frederick, only to find herself facing the business end of his lance, still red with rajya’s blood. he delivers his judgement: she is a threat to chrom, and she must die.

chrom intervenes, placing himself between frederick and ruya as he professes his complete faith in her. frederick reluctantly agrees not to harm ruya without provocation, but it means little to her emotionally, even though she can concede that she understands. 

fragile trust grows even more strained in the wake of her forced betrayal, and no matter how much her closest friends try, ruya’s perception of the shepherds is irrevocably soured--in no small part due to grima whispering in her ear. 

ruya knows little about the rituals required to revive the fell dragon, but she has ammi’s stories of an altar deep in the desert, where grima supposedly slumbers. if grima will be awakened anywhere, it will be there.

and so they go, grima’s influence on ruya’s thoughts and feelings growing as he takes firm root in her psyche. they enter the dragon’s table to find validar ready for his rite, but the presence of the gemstones has grima so awakened in her that she can barely think straight. still, she leads the shepherds to victory...but alas. the lives lost during the battle--including some of her friends’--at the altar are enough to feed grima just enough, and he takes control for only a moment--driving thoron through chrom’s chest. 

“this was not your fault...promise me...you’ll get away from this place.” but it is, and there’s no going back from what she’s just done. chrom’s pretty words of peace and goodwill are nothing, for she has seen that nothing changes that she is plegian and they ylissean. their differences cannot overcome the bonds that she’s made.

the fell dragon calls to her, and she gives in.

[elan-morin-tedronai]

Rare Pair Fest Letter Thingy

Dear Creator! 

First of all thank you for signing up and creating content for whichever of my ships happens to be your cup of tea so to say. Whoever you are, I’m happy you’re out there, enjoying the same obscure fandom things~

Then, to the point.

AO3 name: Tedronai

General likes & dislikes:

Likes: emotions, epic friendships, complicated dynamics between unlikely allies, politics & court intrigue, complicated relationships, enemies to lovers, aro/ace characters, aro/ace characters navigating romantic/sexual relationships, ships with good communication.

Dislikes: plotless porn, plotless fluff, crack humour, A/B/O dynamics, redemption = death trope, mpreg (of the cis male variety), pregnancy or kid fic in general, most modern AUs for fantasy fandoms, domestic fluff.

I have no triggers nor any serious squicks so you can do basically anything that feels right for the ship without worrying about that.

Then for the fandom-specific stuff...

Fandom #1: Endeavour Ship(s): Joss Bixby/Endeavour Morse

Oh dear. Ride was the first episode of Endeavour that I properly watched, and Morse’s relationship with Bixby just hit all of my buttons at once, I was devastated when it ended the way it did. I just wanted... more. Of anything. Everything.

So that gives you fairly free rein... Which, I understand, may not be super helpful so I’ll try to come up with a few more specific things. Just expanding on any possible stolen moments during the episode would be lovely. 

If you want to go down the angst road and destroy me, which you have my full consent to do, expanding on Morse’s feelings and thoughts from the point on when he hears the gunshot... The heartbreak, the regrets for things that could have been but never quite did. Or maybe something did happen between them and that makes things worse, because obviously Morse hasn’t been through enough.

Or maybe, if you feel like venturing into the AU realm, maybe Bixby didn’t stay behind to be shot, maybe he went home with Morse... And how far you want to take that AU scenario is up to you because if it goes far enough, you’d still have to deal with Bixby’s real identity coming to light and that may be too much of a hassle. But hey, if you feel like it!

Maybe Bixby goes with Morse, they spend the night at Morse’s cabin and Bixby gets shot upon leaving in the morning? I don’t know, I’m just throwing things out here at this point.

But like I said, I’ll be absolutely delighted with anything you come up with, sad or bittersweet or even -- gasp! -- outright happy, though that might take some imagination, considering... Morse and Bixby both. x’)

Fandom #2: Final Fantasy XIV Ship(s): Gaius van Baelsar/Livia sas Junius; Nero tol Scaeva/Livia sas Junius

Look, I’m not gonna say Livia deserved better... but, you know. She did.

I’m gonna be happy with almost anything for Livia/Gaius, but with certain restrictions. Anything sexual between them must be consensual, and my headcanon is that Livia initiated the relationship; she certainly wasn’t coerced into it by the older and more powerful Gaius.

Also for the love of whatever Garleans worship, let’s not do the daddy dom thing here. I mean I absolutely do see dom/sub elements being a thing, and Livia is probably the subbest sub to ever sub (or maybe I’m just projecting here, who even knows), but... daddy kink is personally something I’ve never really understood, and in the context of Livia and Gaius... let’s just not, okay.

As for Livia/Nero, I admit that this is mostly a thing I ship because I (used to?) RP Livia in an AU in which she survived the end of the 2.0 MSQ. But that doesn’t need to restrict your creativity! I’m absolutely fine with pre-Castrums Livia/Nero hookup brought on by frustration or alcohol or both, or whatever you happen to feel like. Just maybe no romantic feelings in that case.

If you do want to go for the AU in which Livia survives... the possibilities are endless. We know Nero ends up in Mor Dhona afterwards; maybe Livia did, too? It’s one place in which it’s easy to blend in, go unnoticed. And from there it can develop into anything at all, including romance if you feel like it.

Fandom #3: Wheel of Time Ship(s): Moridin/Mazrim Taim; Logain Ablar/Mazrim Taim; Min Farshaw/Elan Morin Tedronai

Okay so Taim/Moridin is a ship that just... happened. It started as a crack ship, things happened, now it’s one of my favourite ships in the WoT ‘verse.

It has its own fic ‘verse here. Just in case you’re interested. Though obviously whatever you come up with -- whether fic or art -- doesn’t have to be compatible with my ‘verse.

I’m looking for... anything, really. Maybe Moridin himself recruited Taim and was the main Forsaken contact for the Black Tower stuff. Maybe things happen around when Taim is promoted to the ranks of the Chosen. For this ship I’m totally cool with PWP, too, though if confused emotions are involved, all the better.

Then... Taim/Logain, the tragic love story of our time. (I don’t even know.) I’ll never buy that their relationship truly amounted to mutual hate at first sight. If Taim had hated Logain from the start, nothing would have been easier than to get rid of him before he gained a cult following among the Asha’man. No, Taim must have had a reason for letting Logain live, and to get away with the things he did, and the only explanation that makes any sense is that he wanted Logain on his side. (Or by his side, or in his bed, or whatever.)

Again, I’ll take anything with these two except some wild shit like, I dunno, Taim sexually abusing Logain while the latter is held prisoner. But if you really want my eternal, undying love, give me an AU in which Taim comes back to Light (or never turns to the Shadow) because with Logain, he can actually tell the Forsaken to fuck off and have a fighting chance of survival. 

Or, you know, when the Forsaken demand that Logain be Turned, Taim nopes out because that’s where he draws the line and survival doesn’t even matter anymore. Honestly, in this scenario, feel free to kill him if you like.

And finally Min/Elan. If you got matched for this ship, you’re probably either Lise or offered “any ship” for WoT. (In the case of the former, hi! In the case of the latter... I’m sorry? xD)

So if Taim/Moridin was a crack ship that got out of hand, this is like... this one skipped the crack phase, went straight from a really weird concept into “yes! this is the ship I’ll go down with!” territory. Basically this happened, and the rest... is... history? Not that there’s really anything yet that comes after the thing I linked. but. yeah.

The obvious route is probably to go with the post-AMoL AU, because Elan and Min don’t even exist in the same Age otherwise. Unless you can sell me a Min/Moridin that doesn’t venture into icky darkfic territory, because let’s not do that to Min. If you feel you can do it right, go for it. I have faith in you. But the AU in which Elan lives again is probably easier.

And within that premise... Anything, really? Like I said in the general likes/dislikes section, I appreciate communication in my ships, so honestly I’d be delighted with just them trying to figure out what exactly they want from their relationship. Or uh. You know. Kink negotiation? If you felt like it?? Elan is a sub, for the record. Hell, I’ll even take something vaguely domestic for these two (or three if you want to keep Rand around but he’s optional) because Elan and domesticity is such a strange combination.

Fandom #4: Kushiel’s Legacy Ship(s): Imriel de la Courcel/Lucius Tadius da Lucca; Imriel de la Courcel/Mavros Shahrizai/Lucius Tadius da Lucca; Mavros Shahrizai/Lucius Tadius da Lucca

So basically what I want from any of these is let Lucius be happy and not stuck in a duty marriage because you didn’t want to give Imriel a male love interest, for fuck’s sake.

Any scenario in which Lucius comes to Terre d’Ange is an absolute delight. At the end of Scion? Perfect. For Imriel’s wedding at the end of Mercy? Beautiful. Anywhere in between for whatever reason you come up with? Yes please. I don’t care if you ship him with Imriel or Mavros or both, just let them be happy.