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comicteaparty · 4 years

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April 1st-April 7th, 2020 Reader Favorites Archive

The archive for the Reader Favorites chat that occurred from April 1st, 2020 to April 7th, 2020. The chat focused on the following question:

How do you feel about creators spoiling their own stories, and how does it effect how you read the comic?

Joichi [Hybrid Dolls]

As someone who's both reader & a creator, it can be really hard to restrain giving spoilers. But it could also be that they are excited to make this story and they wanna 'get to the spoilers' really soon. But if you are such creator, an idea is to find friends whom you can trust, don't mind giving critique/give spoilers to. As a reader it can be slight disappointment to learn about spoilers in a comic you were invested in and still reading. At this point, I might think, I'm going to get out of the conversation on the spoilers and wait until more content is made(edited)

DanitheCarutor

Being someone who was raised by a parent who wanted me to spoiler movies for them if I saw it first, I don't care about stories being spoiled for me. Experiencing the scene is usually very different than being told what it is, also once I get to that spoiled scene I've already forgotten about it thanks to my Quality short-term memory. Honestly, I would totally go all out spoiling my own comic, but I know most people hate that stuff so I don't out of respect. There have been a few times when I've talked about spoilery stuff not really knowing if it would be considered a spoiler, or because I'm talking about something else that is related and I have to spoil a bit for the topic.

shadowhood (SunnyxRain)

Personally it depends on how plot heavy the spoiler is. If it's something like what food/clothing/interests the characters have, I don't mind so much. But if it's something like who is going to die, who falls in love with who....I think the experience would be slightly more diminished.

Like @Joichi [Hybrid Dolls] said, I usually share the spoilers only with close friends, particularly those who know how to give their input. It's important to get feedback, but choosing who you tell is very important.

sssfrs (JOE IS DEAD)

I’m very protective of story details. I don’t want people to know any of what’s going to happen in my story. I like having secrets

I don’t really mind hearing spoilers myself much of the time because I mostly enjoy stories by looking at all the events in the story together. If I know all the events sooner that often lets me enjoy it sooner

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I usually don't care that much about spoilers, unless it's about character death or something. Usually, I try to avoid them like the plague, just in case, but I don't really care that much.(edited)

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

Personally, on other people's comics, I usually only refer to what's in the comic proper. Not too fond of having to read supplemental material, like creator QA's.

I know they can be nice for some readers, but I genuinely don't like it when the knowledge established in a QA or so is assumed to be known in the comic proper without ever being mentioned there.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I'm having difficulty articulating my reasons, but for me, the creator spoiling things is different from a reader spoiling the same things. And reader-supplied spoilers can also be VERY different based on context and tone. I hate it when people spoil things for others out of malice (like when people were buying ad spaces, just after that one Harry Potter book came out, to broadcast [THIS IMPORTANT CHARACTER] DIES!!!!), even if I don't care about the work being spoiled.

Going back to creator-supplied spoilers........ it's something I can't relate to, as a creator myself? (Sharing spoilers in private is one thing, but if they're posting it in public...) This is going to sound negative and I apologize in advance. When I see a creator laying out the big spoilers in public, it makes me worry that maybe they prefer to talk instead of actually making the comic -- that maybe they won't make it to the ending. I'm happy to be proven wrong, of course. And there is no shame in dropping a comic before you get to the end (I've done that myself!). But yeah, public spoilers is one of those things that makes me worry.(edited)

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

^My thoughts exactly. It worries me in exactly the same way.

Deo101 [Millennium]

when it comes to reading spoilers, Ive never really minded. Granted, I'd rather have spoilers more towards "what to expect" because I otherwise will get a lot of anxiety. A bit of the way in, I want to know if something is going to be worth my time to get invested into, or if I should ignore the stress and just be along for the ride. Being told things like "this is a tragedy and you shouldnt expect to have a happy ending" and "everything will work out in the end" really calms me down when I'm reading. Getting small spoilers about character things, inconsequential plot stuff, etc. don't really bother me at all, but yeah I'm with keiiii where if someone is sharing the ending of their story halfway through I worry theyre not interested in actually working to get there.

I'll personally share in small private settings whatever people want to know, but I refuse to in a public setting share what I'd consider to be a big spoiler. I'll share small character things or vague plans and some worldbuilding stuff, but I don't see those as spoilers really.

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

The "what to expect" thing is a really great topic though. I would love to discuss it in depth in shop talk when the caffeine kicks in

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Ooh me too. I drop some future story features in my About page - very broadly. But it's more of a pitch than an outright spoiler. It requires some vagueness to be effective.

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

@Deo101 [Millennium] Setting expectations correctly is very different from spoilers, I think, and more in direction of "what genre does that story fall under". Like a romance means happy (for now) ending for the main couple - even if you might end up disagreeing if an ending is happy.

It ain't a spoiler that a space opera has some kind of space travel, that kind of thing.

For me spoilers tend to cover plot specifics, not genre and general tone. That's setting expectations.

Deo101 [Millennium]

Yeah, but a lot of people really don't like to say that their story is gonna be a tragedy because they dont want to spoil that people are gonna die or whatever

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

That's... bad marketing.

Deo101 [Millennium]

it happens constantly

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

I agree that a lot of times what creators share is basically bonus plot info, or extra details, or even warnings. I actually haven't really ever gotten a major spoiler from a creator.

chalcara [Nyx+Nyssa]

Mind you, you can have people die without being a tradgedy, see the majority of epic fantasy.

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

(On a side note, I have spoiled 100% of the plot of my comic to very specific close people in my life, but I don't know if that counts.)

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I don't think there is a single person to whom I've spoiled 100% and I'm jelly of those of you who have Story Confidantes!

Cronaj (Whispers of the Past)

Honestly SOs and close siblings are a GODSEND

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

I'm close with my bro, but he's not into the kind of stuff I write. (might be getting off topic?)

RebelVampire

Yeah I do want to remind again here this should be about experiences as a reader, not as a creator. And I know there can be a bit of bleed over, but there's a point where the focus changes too much.

RebelVampire

I think this depends on who it's being spoiled to. If creators want to spoil their stories to close personal friends in private convos, I think that's A-okay. Even as a writer I do that, because it's good to have people to bounce ideas off of. And I think for more creators it's the same. Also, sometimes you just want to have a fun chat to de-stress and it's easier with people who you can tell all your secrets too. If it's being spoiled to people who asked for spoilers, that's also another matter where I think it's mostly fine. In fact, depending on what's spoiled, it can really help drive engagement. For example, if a comic is "spoiling" lore that has a significant bearing on the plot without revealing the exact how of it all. However, then we come to the matter of major public spoilers, which there are tons and tons of creators who do this. On the one hand, that's the creator's right to do so, so a part of me feels like embracing the can't be helped mindset. But, if I'm being brutally honest, as a reader 90% of the time it just kills all engagement with the story for me. I mean, what's the point of reading the story if I can just find out everything in a fraction of the time? Plus, for me personally, I enjoy theorizing and trying to guess events, mysteries, etc. And if I'm being told the answers, that basically ruins like 80% of how I engage with content. I'm also confident I'm not the only reader who feels this way, so personally speaking I don't think it's a wise decision no matter how juicy or agonizing it is to hold in the spoiler.

Feather J. Fern

For me, spoilers don't mean much. I'm still going to read the comic regardless. Now I spoiling something is funnier, because it takes me forever to get to the section which I spoiled, so something I spoiled would take a year to get to, and then everyone forgot the spoiler anyways. XD

I have already spoiled endings to my friends about one of my comic projects, and three months in they are already like "I forgot about that." So maybe it's just my readers haha.

DanitheCarutor

@keii’ii (Heart of Keol) About the talking vs. finishing the comic thing. If I decided to spoil it would be because I was impatient to discuss. Like, right now I have the worst itch just to talk about the climax and ending to discuss all the little details, what I could do better next time, if I should put trigger warnings on specific chapters, and/or how my readers feel. Would it keep me from making it to the end? Nah, executing and seeing the results are not the same as describing them. The emotions a reader has can change vastly when they experience an event vs. read a description, it's not as fulfilling... or as painful. At least that is my perspective, neither I nor my readers would get the full experience from me describing a major event/ending. I don't know how it would be for other creators though. Lol

keii’ii (Heart of Keol)

Yeah, it's definitely a case by case thing.

DanitheCarutor

Pff yeah, I imagine some people are less anal about execution than I am.

eli [a winged tale]

Great discussions here! If I’m the reader, I’d prefer not to be spoiled and enjoy the story as is. It helps me as both a consumer and a creator to see how the plot twists are planted and revealed. As a beta reader, though, I would need to know the story to give suggestions on how to execute said spoilers but this is more of a creator-to-creator basis. I totally get the itch to share and I think having betareaders/comic confidantes are great for satisfying that need while getting constructive ways to evaluate them.

LadyLazuli (Phantomarine)

Agreed. I think having at least one person within your reader circle who is privy to deeper details can be very helpful, both for editing and for motivation Especially if there are story details that won't be shared for years. It's a good way to prevent 'leakage'

DanitheCarutor

I need to get myself a confidant, not only would it help the itch but talking about it would probably help me better fill in the small details. There was a rl friend I had who got too busy and lost interested, and someone online who I talked to about smaller stuff, but I don't like bothering people. Especially since my comic is sooo... my comic. Lmao!

Gosh, I would be the perfect person for someone to confide in about their comic, I would totally forget about the spoilers after waking up the next day.

Tuyetnhi (Only In Your Dreams!)

Tbh I don't mind if a story is spoiled to me. I'm the type of person who is like "okay so that's how it ends? How does it get there?" and I would be more upset if the creator spills those important parts that reach the end result. Though, when explaining my comic plots and details to my irl friends and beta readers, it's more of a planning session than things said in stone. Basically if it's something that I've not written down and could be a spoiler, yet I talk about it and those spoiler squeals aren't in the final scripts though. If it's an important detail and is a spoiler, I will withhold that information till the time comes.

Eightfish (Puppeteer)

I don't know what I'd think because I've never seen a webcomic I liked share spoilers before. I get the feeling that a "serious" writer would keep their twists private because they know they can show their plot better than they can tell it, if that makes sense. Even Sfeer Theory, a comic I really like that iirc did much of its brainstorming online, shut down their old worldbuilding posts once they got their actual comic started.

varethane

Personally, I'm not hugely opposed to spoilers, though it depends on the context. A lot of new webcomics when they're just started out will often only be able to market themselves with illustrations of scenes or dynamics that haven't quite happened yet, just by virtue of being so early on, and that's fine-- though increasingly less necessary the more Comic is released. The only kind of spoiler I might be actively mad about is if a comic whose appeal hingest largely on a central mystery or suspense spoiled The Answer, but I feel like most of the writers creating stories like that are conscious of this and keep that sort of thing under lock. There's also a big reason why I personally try not to share spoilers (and why I try not to put much stock by any spoilers I see posted by other webcomic creators, in case their process is like mine)-- which is that, basically anything that is more than a month ahead of the pages I've already drawn, is very likely to change substantially. I rewrite future plot points all the dang time. So if I shared something as a 'spoiler', there's only a 50/50 chance of that plot point actually coming to pass (unless it's one of the 4/5 big central plot linchpins); any readers waiting for it may come away disappointed, lol.

FeatherNotes(Krispy)

Def agree with Vare on this one. However, sometimes when a writer tells details to the point of no surprise in the comic whatsoever, that usually breaks immersion and interest for me. I've had a couple stories stagnate from having their plots revealed by the writer, and when the story hinges on that being a selling point, it tends to be very dissapointing to have done. Unless the story is character driven/ has characters charming enough to capture readers, i would def avoid spoiling the main plot points of the story if they can

eli [a winged tale]

I feel like anything in act 1 is technically not a spoiler since in books, the blurb encompasses act 1 even the beginning of act 2.

RebelVampire

Once again I'm popping in here to remind people this chat is primarily to talk about experiences as a reader, not as a creator. So let's not go too far into creator territory here.

snuffysam (Super Galaxy Knights)

It's hard to say how I'd feel because I don't really see writers post, like "X dies in the end" or whatever. Like it's not that common an occurrence, at least for comics I follow. What is common in my experience is creators posting ship art for characters that haven't shown up yet (thus spoiling that these are characters who will show up at some point, and at least have some interaction with each other). And with regards to that... I dunno. Like, my mentality as a reader/watcher of things is that a character doesn't "exist" until I see them in the story. Like, if I see a character in an anime OP, I'll be like "oh that character looks cool, I can't wait until I meet them". That is, I don't consider myself as having "met" them yet - I need the story as context. (for the record, that's true for me as a creator too - i know plenty of creators figure out their OCs' personality & backstory first before figuring out what sort of story they work in, and that's valid, but I can't imagine working like that) So anyway, to me creators posting OC art before they appear in the story is less "oh, i've been spoiled on what these OCs will do" and more "oh, i can't wait to read the story that these characters are involved in"

#ctparchive #comics #webcomics #indie comics #comic chat #comic discussion #reader favorites #comic tea party #ctp

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clearskiiess · 5 years

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I actually have the best idea for your "talk about" ask meme. Do 1-40 please 💕💗💞💟❤️💖 Give Us Your Autobiography

1 - talk about the first time you watched your favorite movie.

already answered !

2 - talk about your first kiss.

damn well that aint happened yet. lol

3 - talk about the person you’ve had the most intense romantic feelings for.

hGGGG probably my best friend and crush miriam. god im fucking in love with her omfg gO DODKLHFSHFDJDKHK i wont ramble too much but omffhjfkfjkdhfkjd thnak god shes not on tumblr or id die eeeehggGGGH like we flirt a lot but we’re not dating quite yetaaa ghddgh

4 - talk about the thing you regret most so far.

nothing bitchesssss 😎🤘 i regret not getting into good music earlier maybe.

5 - talk about the best birthday you’ve had.

already answered!

6 - talk about the worst birthday you’ve had.

uhhhghghgh not really a bad one i can remember ! all of them have been good, some better than others ofc but theyre still good even if i dont get prezzies.

7 - talk about your biggest insecurity.

ohufuibfhkbkjbjk probably my art and drumming and writing opps.

8 - talk about the thing you are most proud of.

already answered !

9 - talk about little things on your body that you like the most.

already answered!

10 - talk about the biggest fight you’ve ever had.

damn probably me and my mum, we fight kind of often but yeah djldfkjjkdjkdkj those are probably the worst fights i have. or me and my dad

11 - talk about the best dream you’ve ever had.

already answered!

12 - talk about the worst dream you’ve ever had.

damn uh kinda dont wanna answer, too personal sorry eee

13 - talk about the first time you had sex/how you imagine your first time.

idk really, just being with someone i really like or even love and its just super fun and casual, and like just exploring it? yeah

14 - talk about a vacation.

ooo when me n the fam went to europe when i was 10 and we went to paris for 4 days, then germany for 2 weeks and norway i think 1 or 2 weeks? it was bloody awesome omfG it was great !!!! my family is big on travel so we usually use our money on it.

15 - talk about the time you were most content in life.

already answered !

16 - talk about the best party you’ve ever been to.

eh not really? maybe friend’s parties as a child but thats kinda it. dont really go to parties yet eee

17 - talk about someone you want to be friends with.

already answered !

18 - talk about something that happened in elementary school.

uh thats primary right? well, nothing interesting i remember in year 6 i loved warrior cats and me n my friends would roleplay it a lot at school, everyone thot we were weird but i didnt care ahah.

19 - talk about something that happened in middle school.

well thats high school for me so, nothing interesting either. maybe that one time with my old friend domi and maya and it was yr 7, i was 13 i was staying home cause i was sick af. and maya called me up, obviously trying not to laugh. and she was like “domis broken his leg! help help! what do i do” and im like uh. why are you calling me??? call the ambulance or get a teacher to do it for christs sake! i dont even believe you. and she was like yeah look! and sent me a fucking photoshopped pic of him lying at the bottom of the stairs, it made me fucking laugh so hard i was like, bro you expect me to believe you? ok buddy. bye. and hung up it was funny af

20 - talk about something that happened in high school.

^^^ answered above lol.

21 - talk about a time you had to turn someone down.

ggghHHHH ok i had to turn down my friend austin in yr 7 bc domi was pressuring me to go out with him cause i told him about how i used to like him, but for some reason that meant i still liked him to him??? so he kept going on abt it saying ask him out etc so i caved in and did and the date was so shitty i just faked sick and left and we didnt talk for a bit, but thats long gone and we’ve made up now lol, just good friends

22 - talk about your worst fear.

already answered !

23 - talk about a time someone turned you down.

hgg not happened yet,,, thank god

24 - talk about something someone told you that meant a lot.

well whenever someone compliments me on anything really or says im their best friend like??? psjksfjkdjkhfsdjlfds ok dead,,, or when they say i love u i jusT DIE

25 - talk about an ex-best friend.

already answered!

26 - talk about things you do when you’re sick.

already answered !

27 - talk about your favorite part of someone else’s body.

uh??? idk hands. i love hands a lot. and collarbones. and lips. and eyes. and eyebrows. and legs, and tummies and - ok ill shuT Up

28 - talk about your fetishes.

dont really have any. maybe hands

29 - talk about what turns you on.

hands. teehee

30 - talk about what turns you off.

i dunno, any bdsm like at all ahahaha. srry bros

31 - talk about what you think death is like.

i dunno really? sometimes i feel like its nothing, like we’ll just die and stop functioning and just rot and become one with the earth. but sometimes i feel like maybe there is an afterlife, like not what we think but yea? like i dunno.

32 - talk about a place you remember from your childhood.

ohh boy , well one is this river near my house, or creek really. i love it a lot its great, i love going there and watching the birds and hearing the water rush.

33 - talk about what you do when you are sad.

eh, kinda just cry my eyes out and listen to music or watch a good movie and then i feel a bit better.

34 - talk about the worst physical pain you’ve endured.

uh well as of recently i can remember, was when i got jaw surgery in april this year. now this shit was fucking horrible, for a month and a half my face was puffed like a balloon and bruises everywhere, and i literally could not eat cause i couldnt bloody move my mouth! i was confined to my bed and i lost so much weight bc i could barely eat and i was throwing up old blood and shit during that time and i couldnt fucking sit up without drooling cause i couldnt control it it was so fucking gross man. at least i look better now but it was hell lmfao.

35 - talk about things you wish you could stop doing.

uhhh idk maybe staying up all night n shit, i dont think anything else? maybe avoiding school too. oh , and ofc get rid of my depression hahah

36 - talk about your guilty pleasures.

eeeeeee nothing rlly? i dont feel guilty abt shit, i shouldnt

37 - talk about someone you thought you were in love with.

uhm i guess my ex bf tyler, well gf at the time but yea, i loved him a whole lot dkjfdhdhfhkdj but we were only 12-13 yknow and he lived in the us so it was rlly sucky. but it was a good time, just some experience

38 - talk about songs that remind you of certain people.

damn well, sweet child o mine by gnr reminds me of my friend claudia, she LOVES stuff like gnr and ac/dc, motley crue etc. and for u maxie, killer queen def ! and gold dust woman for me friend mazzy,,,, and in my life omg for miriam sjdjdjdjfkg

39 - talk about things you wish you’d known earlier.

already answered !

40 - talk about the end of something in your life.

already answered !

tYSM BBY MAXIE ILYSM

#asks #90-percent-sure

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pridesquishy · 6 years

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please feel free not to answer this if it makes you uncomfy, but i was wondering if you knew any good resources/blogs to explain systems? i'm not very knowledgeable about them and really want to know more

so. honestly i don’t have an idea myself. me and my protector have just gathered various pieces of info from ourselves and other systems, and studies / write ups on them over the years. there isn’t much solid info or studies done on the disorder, and a lot in the past have been thought to be false or misguided due to the “what if it’s fake” rhetoric. a lot of the sybil controversy has skewed peoples opinions and such even (if you dont know what im talking about, read up on it)

if you do go searching for info, please keep this in mind though:

not everything is true. this means both that people lie or make up things, AND that not all info is true for every system. sometimes people are rude and make up a fake system for a “social experiment” online. or sometimes something harmless happens, like someone just misdiagnosed themselves and arent actually a system. rarely is there ever someone making up a system for attention, sometimes it happens but ive only ever seen it once and ive been in several levels of the system community for years now. and not everything about day to day life will apply to every system, all our traumas were different afterall

don’t take anything tumblr says about systems as truth. there is far too many fake posts or skewed posts based on opinions to really sift through to find facts about the disorder or someones unbiased experiences. even if you find a post you think is good and helpful, that is a one in a million chance with how “controversial” the disorder is on here

if you are going to look on a medical website, check the date and citing. a lot of sites still call it multiple personality disorder or quote the wrong DSM, which can be misleading and confusing. if a site says anything about multiple personality disorder, cites anything before the DSM-5, or uses tumblr / reddit / etc info as facts, then it’s not something you should trust or take as truth in any way

stay away from comment sections. some videos and documentaries have been made about the disorder, some posted to youtube even. usually if its on a mainstream site though, it has misinformation or degrading terms / language that you should not use as info. if you want to browse the comments for people’s reactions or to see if this is a well informed video, thats fine. just please dont treat everything anyone says as correct or considerate since a lot of people still hate the disorder or find it to be fake, especially when it comes to more mainstream social media

dont ask just one system. if you want to ask a broad question, or are wondering about something, try to get varied opinions. one system isnt going to be able to tell you all you need to know, just like how i shouldnt sit down and explain to you what is right and wrong when it comes to systems. do be considerate of the people you are asking though, systems are sometimes very personal to people and trauma is always hard to talk about

read up on tulpamancy and soulbonding before diving into all this. there is a huge debate on whether the practices of tulpas or soulbonds counts as a system, and it might be brought up from time to time. many people have clearcut stances, many have broad or blurry stances. it just depends. i personally have my own stance, formed because of past issues in the community and because of religious / cultural beliefs. someone may have indepth reasoning behind their stance, some may be more confused. please, please, be respectful no matter what though. a lot of systems dont want antis of each others to interact, or even anti-supporters, so be considerate of that

know your place. if you aren’t a system and you jump into system drama or have a very strong opinion about system issues, it’s going to come off as rude and inconsiderate. being an ally is one thing, but dont speak for or over systems because its something very different and in-explainable for most

we aren’t rude or pissy. even if it seems like it, no system would actually hate you for asking a question. but asking invasive questions, questions about trauma, or personal questions about their alters would spark a reaction. be gentle, kind, and considerate. we have all been through something, and a lot of us arent over it still. systems were created to protect and help the body, if you seem like a threat to a system, they may cut you off or get very angry. that’s normal. don’t get offended or anything, this is all very very personal to systems

if anyone else has anything to add to this feel free! i hope this helped a bit anon, sorry if this wasnt and answer you were expecting

#ask to tag #anon #asks

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3shaaamazng · 6 years

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Reason for a Season

Since I’m like Lana Condor who write letters to all the boys she liked.. I realized I’ve been doing that here on my tumblr.. and idc if they get to read it. I think if it’ll even be better if they do because they can read what I thought about them. haha anyways..

This one is for hopefully the last guy I met from a dating app (for now since I’m quitting it and just gonna try the in-person mingling way since I actually meet more people in person anyway and my personality can)— and seem like none of people from dating apps worked for me. I’m not meant for it. I dont have time for games. I am more convinced that dating apps are not meant for me.

but hey..Just want to let you know that you’re the first one I ghosted that I had a connection with. HAHAHA! well, you kinda already did in a way, it’s just we ended up talking again. But this time, I decided to stop talking to you...

I just watched this movie called Exes Baggage. and the guy reminded me of you. I know you have baggages from your previous relatiionship. We all do..

but the guy really reminded me of you because he can’t decide what he realy wants to do yet..

but okay.. let me go back how I wanted to really start..

Mr. G,

I’m glad we met. Hope you were also glad to meet someone like me. For the past 3 months that we were talking, I was confused if you just wanted to be friends or more than that. I was going with the flow and see how things are. Because I haven’t talked to someone like you in a long time. Someone who I can text in essays and talk about things I like, I do, I feel,I experienced..etc. For me, talking to you was TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE. Because it’s rare to find someone who can match my energy when it comes to my talkativeness.. I’ll miss that.. I do miss it now. Like what I said, I’ve been just this strong and independent woman. So things like that makes me weak. I dont’t know how to talk to guys... and so for me, talking to you was like “WOW FINALLY AGAIN A DECENT GUY I CAN TALK TO!” (Because back then it was P)

Anyways../

You were cool. You got to hang and chill with my friends.. You’re easy to get along with... and even made an effort to drive in the snow.. I appreciate it!

I was enjoying your company.. I like how finally after a long time, I have something to look forward to again.. But believe me, I was overthinking. I was already preparing myself that you’d break me at some point. I was looking for flaws, something I know you’ll mess up one day.. something you’ll do to disappoint me.. my friends told me to stop doing that to myself in every guy I get to talk to and just Enjoy the moment.. so I did.

But when did things go wrong?

Idk.. you tell me... you got into a a fight in a party where I did my best to get you out of.. I took care of you.. I do not mind. I saw your embarassed and ashamed expression the next day that made me believe that whatever they were accusing you was not something you’d do by nature. We had our deep talk about relationships for the first time.. which I finally got to figure out why I met you.. because for some reason, God always make me meet broken hearted people.. so from there, I just feel like you’re just lost.. and I’d be here willing to help you since I’vebeen doing that to people anyway.. From our talk, I decided that I’ll stay as your friend and who knows maybe later on... things would be different. I asked myself, do I like you? Answer is I was interested because I had that connection with you. I enjoyed your company.. and also maybe yes, i was starting to like you. But At the same time I’m actually not sure about it. I’m in the middle. It takes some time for me to like someone.

Then.... one night, you failed to give me an update for our plans when I was expecting you to pull through.. I told you how to improve it.. You said you were willing too make it up.. but bruh... you did not even ask me if our plan that day was still going to happen... we also had our plans on another day (Tuesday) to watch a movie.. but still you did not even bother to hit me up and follow through about that..

and you responded to my text 2 days later and I felt like it was not even sincere.. I started to question if everything you told me were fake.. you said I’m awesome and you feel lukcy to have met someone like me who is supportive.. but what happened when I just confronted you with one thing?? if you were a friend or if you at least value me as a person.. you would have been able to show that.. you would have made more effort. But I guess that was me expecting more from you.. because I’m the type of person who always give andI don’t receive as much back... I wanted to change the tone of our conversation and let that go, so even if I should not talk to you anymore at that point, I went ahead and made it more friendly..but then.. you sent something flirty again that made me question.. what do you really want? What’s all these mind games? now youi’re playing with me?? shouldnt you already know what I feel about guys when I opened up to you? anyways.. I was already disappointed with that faking shii.. then you be playing mind games with me.. so that’s when I stopped.. Mixed Signals are UGLY. And i’ve gone through that. I don’t want to deal with it again so I stopped. You like the attention I give you, but you don’t want to do anything about it. Idk which direction we’re going if it’s just friendship or more than that cause honestly I was down for Friendship. I at least want you to be a friend and help you as a friend. But then, idk. I just started to feel that maybe you’re fake to me all this time. You’re all about talking but no actions. You’re a talker and not a doer...

I was like.. if you can’t be a friend to me (at least) and if you’re someone who I won’t date.. then you are just another temporary person in my life.. they say we meet people for a reason and some are for a season. lol

But really what I want to say is that.. I hope you get to fully move on from your ex.. It takes time. I know you are trying to explore options right now.. meeting other girls, etc.. But what I truly believe that you should work on first is yourself.. loving yourself more. I know how painful it is to be betrayed by someone you love.. and going through a divorce is not an easy process.. it’s painful.. Don’t rush in falling for someone again. Like what you said, you do not know what to do with relationships yet. Don’t make a girl fall for you, lead them on if you are not sure yet, and eventually feel that you’re not ready to enter another relationship. You’ll just end up hurting her (the movie I watched was about this. You should watch it lol) but you get it? Make friends instead. But it’s okay to get to know someone, just be aware what you’re making her feel.

You are by yourself right now in a place where most of your family and close friends are far.. but maybe this can help you better to move on and shape yourself to be the better version of you.. someone better than who you were when you were with her.. Show to that b**tch how stupid she is for letting you go, for hurting you... But don’t just work on yourself to prove her wrong, work on yourself because it’s an investment for yourself in the long term.. because you have to love yourself first before you love others.

Trust me, I’m so good at telling other peole what to do, but I, myself still in the process of working on that... working on loving muself more and work on my insecurities on my own so I am more prepared to enter a relationship later.

I wish you’ll find that girl who can take all those fears away.. I know you’re scared to love gain.. I know how that feels.. but hey at least you’re going out there and see the world.. see options..but love yourself first.

there’s this scene from the movie that I watched that hit me hard that I also want you to keep in mind..

this was the scene. **translating the tagalog stuff**

“Nix: I’m just scared to love again because I’ll get hurt again..

Pia: why you gotta be scared? I’m not belittling your feelings but I feel like the people who are scared to love again did not truly love in the first place.. because if you loved, you shouldn’t be scared to feel the pain again, you must endure it all so you can feel what love is again.. it should be like that because love overpowers pain”

That line hit me hard! Cause like you, i’m scared to love again. But Genno has been telling me the same thing Pia said. It’s just hearing that way made more sense.. soo

This year, I told myself i’ll mingle with people.. enjoy wthe moment. if someone approach me and he is decent... I’ll give it a try... but also I’m focus on working on myself..

Meeting you made me believe that decent guys are still out there because I really lost hope on that every now and then.. you showed how not all the time it’s girls who get cheated on.. that guys can love deeply too.. It gives me hope that my future someone is just there also learning for himself.. Like what Genno told me, you have added contribution to my experience and now I can level up.

I take this as a lesson.. yes i am still this hopeless romantic girl.. but I am more hopeful now. I’d do whatever just to feel kilig again.. just to feel what love is again.. but first I will work on being more confidnet in talking to people and stop being picky.. (but soooo hard) haha

I will also work on myself.

I know you’re not a bad guy, you’re a good guy.. just ended up being or looking $hiity with your actions because you dont’ know what to do.. you were weak just cause I confronted you (well apparently Californians do not like confrontations sooo..) Anyways, I wish you the best... if ever you get to read this,that’s cool! Glad you made it here... If you ever want to catch up, I’d be down...

But I don’t know when I’ll ever see you again..

Thanks for stopping by in my life :)

#personalpost #GG #temporaryperson #reasonforaseason

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tumblunni · 7 years

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How do I write an autistic villain without demonizing autism by accident? ;-;

I’m not really sure why you’re messaging this to me. I’m really sorry but I’m not an expert on like.. political stuff about autism stereotyping, just because I’m autistic. And it depends on which country you live in, I know that america has a far more visible sort of cultural presence for stereotypes, due to the whole Autism $peaks controversies. I dont live in america and I’m not super smart or anything, so yeah this is a disclaimer that this is just my opinion and you should probably research answers given by other people too. And maybe ask people about the specific circumstances of what you’re writing, like the context of the setting of the story and what the villain is like, etc. I’d be happy to chat to you about that if you need help! (but again, im no expert, lol)

ANYWAY!

My opinion on the subject is that having an autistic villain is perfectly fine, as long as you’re not villainizing autism. Like...* Don’t make the autism the reason theyre a villain.* Don’t make people scared of them because of the autism, rather than because they’re a villain.* Don’t treat their autistic traits as scary or inherantly villainous.* Don’t make anyone insult them for their autism and act like its justified because they’re evil.

And similarly its bad form to do any of that stuff in regard to any sort of minority really. An example that always bugged me is how Excellus from Fire Emblem Awakening is scary and evil because he’s a murderous monster, yet everyone in the game constantly insults him for the fact he acts ambiguously gay/transgender/effeminate. Like, there’s way too many jokes about people finding him ‘disgusting’ because of some random thing he can’t change, like a sexuality, race or mental illness which plenty of non-evil people have too! It also lessens his impact as a villain because the characters barely even address the actual villainous things he does, and he doesnt seem to have any motive at all. They just ride on the whole ‘the audience will find him gross’ thing as a crutch and forgot to bother writing a good villain.

Oh, and your concerns are indeed valid, yo! Sometimes it is important to think about the context you created a character in, even if you didnt intentionally create any negative messages within your writing.It’s just that the case where a character will be seen as villainizing [minority trait] for being a villain... that’s kind of only in a very specific circumstance? its just that this specific circumstance is very very common in mass media nowadays.It’s ‘The Smurfette Principle’.If you only have one character of a minority in your cast, its easy for an uninformed audience to pick up messages that you’re saying ALL members of that minority are the same as them.If you only have one autistic character and he’s the villain, then you might accidentally be villainizing him. In a world where autistic characters being villainized for their autism is already very common, people could just assume you made them autistic for the same reason all those other writers did- because they think it’s ‘scary’. It feeds the stereotype even if you didn’t conciously intend it that way.

So a very very easy way to fix this problem is just to add multiple characters of a minority into your story, filling various roles from villain to hero to helpful npc. or anything you can think of!

Another good quick fix is to have your villain be autistic, but portray their autistic traits as sympathetic/relateable/a humanizing aspect of them. Not just portraying it as something neutral that doesnt make them scary, but going out of your way to add some scenes showing how they’re just like anybody else. Or even making it one of their redeeming traits!It doesn’t have to outright be something like ‘yo being autistic makes me inherantly good and childlike’, which is a stereotype all to itself, lol. But you could show them experiencing predjudice from another character, in a way that makes the audience sympathise. Honestly having a character attack them for being autistic instead of being a villain would be a good way to do this, as long as that character is actually shown as being wrong for what they’re doing. Or simply showing the villain having common autistic traits, facing common problems, doing common everyday things... that can be enough to portray autism positively. Have them shown doing this stuff outside of the situation of them being villainous. It makes them feel more human and less of an abstract symbol of evil. And because these small glimpses of normality are lightening the mood, they become seen as a positive aspect!

KIND OF AN OFFTOPIC TANGEANT SORRYJust my personal experience as an autistic kid experiencing this story... I personally headcanoned Cyrus from pokemon as autistic. Not because he’s ‘scary and emotionless’, but because his backstory was relateable to me as an autistic person. It’s said that his parents were emotionally abusive, and that he had nobody to turn to because everyone thought he was ‘a creepy kid’. And he was able to find solace by obsessing over repairing machines in his bedroom, and apparantly has trouble understanding people because they can’t be fixed as easily. Stuff like maths and science are kind of a stereotypical Special Interest for autistic children to be given in fiction, I guess because it makes you seem more intelligent when you obsess about that instead of video games, norse mythology, or collecting tiny novelty spoons from around the world XD (Yeah i was a weird kid.)So yeah sorry I went a little offtopic there, but the point is that it might have been by accident instead of intention but that villain has a lot of traits that read as autistic. And when i first played Diamond and Pearl I actually disliked him a lot because of that, I felt like they were villainizing someone who seemed relateable and potentially redeemable. I mean, he seemed pretty depressed too! Give that man some therapy! But when I played Platinum and got to learn his backstory I started to feel like the writers actually did want us to feel sympathetic to him, because of how all those ‘scary’ traits were presented so sympathetically. Like.. the backstory isn’t that he became evil because he was an autistic kid who did creepy things like obsess about machinery and suck at social contact. No, he became a villain because he was abused by his parents, him being ‘weird’ is just intended to make it clear here that he didnt deserve it. It makes him pitiable, it makes him relateable, it makes you feel so much more frustrated that nobody listened to him and saved him from that hell, and nobody even seems to remember him fondly, just because he was ‘weird’. And hell, even his ‘emotion is evil’ philosophy seems very relateable to me as an autistic child. It seems like he learned to seclude himself to avoid angering his parents. That’s the impression I got from his final scene in Platinum, where he finally acts angry at you for beating him, then gets angry at himself for expressing emotion and forces himself to go back to how he usually talks. I get a bit pissed off whenever I see fans of the series claim he actually IS emotionless, lol! This scene made it clear to me that this is just a guy who WISHES he was emotionless, somehow seeing it as the only way to be free of pain. Someone who struggles to deal with his own emotions, or feels like he’s disgusting when he expresses them. And this is VERY relateable specifically to an autistic kid who suffered from an abusive parent! “Quiet Hands” is a kind of common concept that autistic kids might experience, that’s the name for a popular ‘parenting technique’ that really fucks people up. Focusing on making your kid never ‘act autistic’, rather than actually helping them understand things. ‘Quiet Hands’ is specifically about slapping or smacking your kid whenever they show stimming behaviour. (Hand flapping being a common way this symptom can manifest.) We’re taught never to be too loud, and to always always have to restrain ourselves to avoid embarassing our parents. We have to try and learn how to act like ‘normal people’ and become scared of harmless parts of our own brain just because theyre ‘embarassing’, leading to even worse emotional problems as an adult. i mean seriously how is it logical to tell a kid who has troubles with social interaction that they shouldnt even practise it?? Plus its a huge mess to teach these kids to do way more emotional labour than neurotypical kids are expected to do, and then treat them like they’re below average intelligence for not being able to do twice as much as everyone else...

ANYWAY! That’s a thinG! Sorry I went rambling off there about how a particular fictional character touched my heart, lol!I just kinda wish he could be canonically autistic, or if I had similar canonically autistic characters to relate to, instead. So i think having more autistic villains can’t be bad, we’re so badly in need of more autistic characters in general! And villains have a unique perspective of being able to hit our emotions the hardest. I think its easier to cry over someone who has a sad backstory of how they became evil, compared to anything else!So yeah what I was trying to say before I went offtopic is that if the backstory is ‘became evil because autism’, then people will complain. But if the backstory is ‘became evil because someone mistreated them because autism’ then that’s a good way to make people sympathise with autism. Aaaaand I’m bad at explaining this, because autism XD Well, i mean, my personal symptoms and lack of diagnosis til I was an adult means that I’m still working on learning how to communicate correctly, I don’t mean every autistic person writes terrible tl;dr advice posts that degrade into pokemon XDOh man i feel embarassed now, you asked me such a polite question and I didnt know how to answer it very well...I just hope maybe I inspired you to go out and do more research, rather than putting you off with my nonsense!

#im sorry this is incoherant and bad #i didnt know what specifically was making you worry so #i tried to explain all the common problems and solutions i've seen from different villains #if this didnt help would you mind sending me another ask with what i got wrong?#or more info on your villain so i can figure it out a bit more #i hope your storywriting is going well and you have a great day!#A Nonny Mouse #ask

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beardedwinnerobject-blog · 6 years

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The law for car insurance says: everybody who has a car has to buy private insurance for that car . Would the law for health insurance be similar if Hillary Clinton is elected president: everybody who has a body has to buy private heath insurance for that body . Will it be like that or have I misunderstood her plan? Please explain it to me.

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I'm 28 and have been driving for 9 years but have no record against me before. It will go to court but does anyone know a ballpark figure of the fine/points, etc...?""

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Need Health Insurance Advice: Colorado?

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Do Car Insurance check my previous insurance company?

I was thinking, Will New Car Insurances do a backup check on my previous insurance or they just start on a new claim and use the information based on that. The thing this will be my first car and as the price is high and if i say I have done a car insurance with that company will my insurance price go down as no claim for one year.""

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if i crash and im on learners permit, would it go up? because i called my insurance agent and he said i dont need to be listen as a driver ill be insured. i live in california btw if that matters.""

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""Motorcycle questions? Good old, cheap and cool bike? Insurance?""

Im looking at buying a motorcycle! :) I dont need one that is too quick, I just learned how to drive one and I loved it. I want to get one for the summer. I dont want to pay over 1500, and it doesnt need to be too fast. (what is the 2002 honda civic of motorcycles?) I just want it to be kind of cool looking. I saw a 1985 honda (with the wing on it?) that looked really cool. Im 17, and I want to get one that will only be insured for the summer. For one with a small engine, what is the insurance cost? I know it varies, but does anyone have any ideas? Thanks Matt""

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I'm 17, and I can get my licsence in a couple months and im looking into getting a car. Specifically, a chevy spark 1lt, the biweekly payment is 136 and I'm just curious what te estimated insurance would cost?""

""What is the most reliable, low insurance, cheap small car-max budget 1200?""

I have an 'N' reg Nissan Micra, had it for around 4 years now, it's costing me more than it's worth in repairs and I need to get rid of it! It has been incredible reliable though, engine wise, just other stupid things (no doubt, age related) clutch has just gone and I could have done without that this side of xmas :( but at the moment, not in the position to replace it til next year. Trying to do my homework on cars til then, I have narrowed it down in this order: Volkswagen Polo Suzuki Swift Nissan Micra (obviously, a few years newer) Seat Ibiza (I know, budget pushing it on that one!) and finally, Ford Fiesta (don't know why, i find them so boring to look at, hence last on my list) Any view on above cars would be much appreciated, or other suggestions also. I need the car to be very low on insurance and economical to run as well.""

How does car insurance work?

I got a quote for a BMW 325XI. It was going to cost 1390$ for 6 months. Now, does that mean I pay for the 6 months and then get the other 6 months of the year off? Or does it mean that I pay 1390+1390 for a total of 2780$ per YEAR?""

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I like in Tempe, AZ. I am under my parents insurance and I'm paying $200 a month for car insurance. I drive a Toyota Yaris 2007. At first I thought what I'm paying for was wayyyyy to much, but I got some quotes from other insurance company's and they want me to spend more?! What the heck? Can anyone help me out?""

Cheapest car insurance in san antonio?

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If you were no longer able to work and went on short and then long term disability from your job and then you die, is your family still eligible for life insurance that you had through your employer?""

How to get different types of insurance?

Dental, health, medical, etc. Im graduating HS and my parents are taking me off there's. They say it's time to grow up and support myself. I fully understand. And I have no complaints. So that's why I'm asking. I just got a job, so would that help?? I'm taking a break from school (college) for a couple years.""

How much would my insurance be?

ive just turned 16 and im getting a 50cc moped restricted. Most people insurance is 289 for the first year and 189 for the second. but thats for a scooter.I want an Rs50 (1 of a kind) and so i am asking, will my insurance be different or the same?""

Health Insurance question.?

I am recently married and have health insurance through my employer with aetna. We have yet to change her name over on the insurance as it is still in her maiden name. We recently found out she is pregnant. Before a doctors visit should we be making a call to get her name changed over? Is she still covered at all on my insurance?

What if I don't pay car insurance?

Hi, I am wondering what happens if I don't pay my car insurance. This are the facts: I bought a car from a dealership, they offered me a car insurance, I did not want it because the car was to be shipped to Europe and sold there as brand new. Therefore I did not want to pay insurance for car that is not even my own. Nevertheless I had to register the car in CA as all the cars have to be. Now I got a letter from DMV in CA saying that if I don't pay car insurance the registration will be canceled. Now the car is already in Europe and has been sold lately. Will there be any consequences for me? Will I have to pay any additional money to DMV? What happens after the registration is canceled? Thank you for your help""

Is motorcycle insurance cheaper than car insuracne?

for an 18 year old in mississauga ontario, canada would bike insuracne be cheaper than car insureacne on for(part-time car driver)?""

I would like to get a moped when i am 16 and was wondering how much around the insurance would cost a year?

I live in england and will be 16 soon and am wanting to get a derbi gpr 50. I am male and will be a student in 6th form possibly working part time. can't think or anything else i just wanna know an average like will it be more for the insurance because derbi gpr 50 is a geared bike etc.

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I need to get insurance today as I'm picking up my motorcycle later, it's a 1977 Honda CG125. The cheapest quote I have found is 377 TPFT, and that's with two years' NCB! Granted I'm still on a provisional licence but still ridiculous. Also, can anyone explain if there is any point at all forking out 150 more a year for Theft and Fire cover when it demands 500 excess? I'd have to pay that if it were stolen, right? Even though I paid less than that for the bike...""

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Need Health Insurance Advice: Colorado?

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/federal-way-washington-cheap-car-insurance-quotes-zip-peggy-barnhardt/"

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lifestoryparty · 6 years

Text

When I finally wrote this

been watching heroes for a bit, this ep was a bit to intense, haha. it was sad. anyways, i finally might get to writing more of my life story. I havent ever written about this part of my life, and honestly the only thing ive got left anymore might be old messages and a poem I wrote a long time ago to do with this period, thats it. Maybe I didnt write about it because to write about it was to let it go, to write about it was to accept things for what it was, maybe I was afraid shed see it, I honestly cant remember because I know for a long time after I did everything I humanly could to forget because remembering hurt far to much. The day me and Moo Moo broke up I didnt honestly believe it was over, we always made up and made it work, she was loyal and mine and we pushed through everything together. I believed she would never leave. I literally believed that she wouldnt ever go, she’d always be there. That was during a time that I had really never been hurt to that extreme before, I actually trusted her with all my heart, and I mean with everything, she was a good person, she had been through so much already, dealt with me at my worst, dealt with all the craziness like with drake and meds and crying in the shower, attempted suicide, she knew me in and out more than anyone really did at that time. I dont know if i was friends friends with tompkins or not yet but even he didnt know me like that. So yeah i didnt believe it when she said it. well the next day came around and there was no messages saying she wanted me back or was sorry, there wasnt anything. so I messaged her and she said it was really over. so I started to panic a little and was like no, I need you, I love you, and I really really started to realize it recently what you really meant to me, I wanted to do a special thing for you on valentines day, etc. but she completely wouldnt take it. She gave me the reasons she gave on that last blog i sent, and I said I could change and Id do anything for her but she said it was to late. well finally I asked if it was lucas, and she admitted it was, she admitted to hanging out with him and just talking to him for hrs in his dorm room. she said nothing happened, but she felt things with him she hadnt felt with me in a really long time. She felt like they connected and he deserved a chance. I was upset, I felt like i’d been the one with her all this time, why does he deserve a chance? dont I get a chance to prove I can change? she didnt even give me that, she just let me go…Well from there, it was back and forth for a while trying to beg for her back, but she wouldnt allow it. I would go in to our public speaking class and stare at her, sorta small talk, but not really saying anything. it freaked me out, scared me. How we could have been so close to nothing at all. She still wore my promise ring every day and it confused me. The pain in me started growing worse and worse and I was starting to lose it. I started having panic attacks off and on, i’d lie in my bed in the dark listening to dark depressing music, or music that reminded me of her. I’d scream in to the blankets, punch the walls, cry, I would curse at god for letting it happen, i’d beg him to let me have her back but nothing changed. My dad tried to explain what I was going to go through and what i’d have to do. He tried to get me to promise not to do anything drastic but he couldnt have prepared me in the least to how I was going to feel. Every day that i’d wake up i’d be completely numb, it was just pain to the point of losing my mind. Every day felt like a blur, I always had goosebumps, i’d replay every moment that I could remember in my head over and over. I couldnt see the world around me, it was all slow motion and so very cold. I could barely do school. I wasnt there in my head. my grades started dropping, I was failing math, but I didnt care about anything, she was all I had keeping me going through what was already hell, she was my strength through the court stuff with drake and what it caused, and now I felt like I had no one. When it came to my class with her I wouldnt do any of the presentations in front of the class, i did them in front of my teacher for a lesser grade. I couldnt face her anymore, I loved her still even through the pain, I couldnt stop, I couldnt let it go. My mom would try to talk to me and get me out but mostly I just stayed home and dwelled in it. The darkness in my heart only grew as i layed in my room listening to music as I would be in and out of a dream state as I replayed the memories. I couldnt tell much from reality anymore, as far as I knew I was already in hell. I thought from time to time about how I could go find this guy and hurt him. I thought about cutting his face and making him ugly. I thought about beating him down with a bat. I was seriously going crazy and I didnt care anymore. Sometimes I wanted revenge on her, I wanted her to hurt just as much as me. I wanted to do things to her so she couldnt pain anymore, so she couldnt do what she loved. but I knew i shouldnt do any of these things and that I was just severely broken after already going through so much. I had no one to really go to, it was just me falling apart in my head. I thought about suicide so many times. I didnt see what the point of living was anymore. Her friend that I flirted with, well she started asking about everything and I would talk to her about how I felt, and shes sort of the reason I wrote out my life story. It helped get some of the pain out. The few things I wrote to do with after the relationship were these things: Me and the girl I was with for two years have finally broken up much to my dismay, it came expectedly but in a I didn’t believe it till it happened way. First year I feel like for some people isn’t to bad, everythings fresh and new, kind of learning experience, but after some time, that kind of dies down, you have to kind of work at it in whats best for the both of you. Temptations will come your way, its to be expected, sometimes you just lose the feeling, or just plain boredom. Dont make the mistake of falling in to temptation, especially if you care for who you are with, it does nothing but hurt the both of you in the end. taking antidepressants can either hurt or hinder your relationship in different ways, it can either help or hurt you when trying to have sex, it can make your personality change for the worse, or make you feel nothing for your partner. Just depends on how your body accepts it. I fell in to temptation but chose her in the end and dealt with personal pain for 3 monthes. Meds didnt work out for me, but prozac was amazing for sex. I dealt with trouble trying to get used to being off the meds and figuring out what I want. It was a big issue for a while and by the time I really knew what I wanted it was too late. Which I learned that even good people can lie and hurt you. I learned many small things and know what to look for in the future if it ever came to it, but I learned to love and accept someone for who they were despite the flaws and not a total click in personality. I was actually going to propose after feeling this, cause I loved before, but this was something different, its like I let go of my self completely and it was just a constant flow of happy and love and want to do anything and change if need be, it was the most extreme feeling ever, it was like how i felt the first year, but, way deeper and meaningful, like i knew for sure this is who I wanted to be with. Next thing of course is if you ever see your partner acting a little strange, find out why as soon as possible. One of the worst feelings though is heartbreak. For me, it seems to have changed me in a way, It forced me to grow up and change and to not expect things to always work out, which even now I continue to do so because I havent accepted things for what they are. Knowing friends I know love can destroy people and wreck their lives, but for others its a fresh start, a new beginning, or just a learning experience. Sometimes you need to let go of that certain someone to let them figure out what they want, it may or may not work out for you in the end, but sticking together wont make things better in all cases. I personally hurt like hell at a constant rate and it comes and goes, i’m trying to be supportive, but it hurts knowing where my heart is and the hope of her realizing that things arent always better on the other side of things..All I can do is wait and see what happens but on the other end of things I’ll have to keep on the look out of other people, but I dont believe that things will ever be like it was with her… so I wear your clothes when I miss you the most everywhere I go I see your ghost, what should I do, what should I do? I was on cloud 9 till you let me fall now i’m just trying to put my feet on the ground, but your voice is the only sound. How can we be friends when your loving him? Don’t you feel like you committed the biggest sin? In the end, what should I do, what should I do? You’re still everything my heart desires, and every day my body feels like its on fire, The only thing that cools me down are the tears that fall from my face and to the ground. What should I do, what should I do when i’m missing you? I hope one day maybe you’ll see that i’m the one that you can believe, but right now thats all I can do is wait for you. Do you remember how it felt to want to kiss me at the park? Do you remember the first time you wanted to hold me close, do you remember those urges you held inside until one day I finally decided? Do you remember our first date and the kiss that followed? The sheetz run and talking with my mom before we let you go? Do you remember how it felt when everyone asked if were together, that we looked so good for each other? Do you remember the storys we used to share while I played with your hair? Do you remember the days at the park were we started to bond, one of our first pictures there was under the sun. Do you remember getting high and feeling so great, and all the damn pizza that we ate? Do you remember when you didnt know how to kiss, and I showed you how to do it just like this? Do you remember how we spent every day after school together, no matter what work we had or the weather? Do you remember how I could never decide which side I wanted to hold your hand and sit with you during movies? Do you remember when I asked if you were ok with this, before I put my hand in your shirt and felt your chest. Do you remember the heat of your face when repeatedly you had my lips to taste? Do you remember the first time we “touched” and we were so scared? I made sure that you knew that I cared. Do you remember prom and what I wanted it to be? it ended up perfect dont you see? Do you remember how we danced the night away, and the breaths in my chest seemed to never stay. Do you remember my eyes as you looked in to them, as we experienced the moment that I put myself in? Do you remember the feeling of things being more perfect than they’d ever been? Do you remember the sensation you felt that night, us being one while I was inside. Do you remember the weekends that i’d come around, even in the snow from my house to yours? Do you remember the passion that we shared, from the stairs to your bed, over and over again? Do you remember how happy you were and how you couldnt get enough, before we knew it, we were truly in love? I remember it all and will continue to, I will remember how you would say I luff you. I will remember how you would tell me to pick you up and hold, how I would kiss your face, almost every day. I will remember the hard times we pushed through, and the cold days i’d work to get a present for you. I remember the talks we’d have, and the scary moments we pulled together through. What I know is i’ll continue to miss and love you and thats one thing that is true, I know its true love cause I still want to be with you. I love you and I’m thinking about you constantly, i’m sorry I cant talk to much right now, but words cant touch what i’m going through. Trust me i’d do anything to be with you. 12:43am I didnt want anything with her friend, but I needed someone to get me through the pain. Tompkins and I started hanging out with more and more, and we’d go on all those long walks I told you about, well on those walks i’d tell him about my entire life, and I started talking to him about what I was going through, we got closer and closer over time and he started becoming my best friend. It still didnt wipe away the pain. I started smoking pot from my usual once a week to every single day. I’d go to my friendsansons and smoke with my friends heavily. i’m talking 2 or more blunts a day. I just wanted to escape my hellish world, and since that next semester started I only took 2 classes instead of 5 because my depression was so heavy and bad I couldnt do more than that. well I had all this free time so i’d spent lots of time getting completely fucked up all the time. I just couldnt handle the pain. Well I later decided to take shrooms, and it wasnt a high amount, so i just felt sorta confused coming up, and it hit me in waves and i just felt really high with a euphoria, but no visuals really. I tried acid and it was a low dose to, and i barely felt much, it just felt like every time id go in to a different room my mind would change, but it was wayyy weaker than stuff i’ve taken. I did dmt 2 more times and just partied a lot, i really just stopped caring about anything anymore, i’d pretty much given up on myself. I took all kinds of risks all the time, i just felt manic depressive, i had just run wild. I drove high, I went caving, I went on rides, I did all this stupid shit that could have killed me or sent me to jail. Nothing seemed to be changing to much other than Moo Moo and Lukas were official and they were only getting closer, it had been a few months now, closing in to summer, and the pain was still there, I still loved her and was also hating her at the same time. I dont know why I couldnt let go but even my mom noticed that I still couldnt. Well I had talked to a lot of girls but they were all horrible, and not to mention you sorta just compare everyone to that first love it felt like. finally dylans and smith, who were dating got their friend Crazy to come over. well, we started talking, but she was really weird. I couldnt quite feel attracted to her even though she was nice and filled my lonliness a bit. we made out and stuff but she would let me fool around with her, or even touch her back which was weird. finally i let her go cause i just didnt like her. well finally the summer came and i started talking to this redhead clark. I finally felt like i’d met a good girl and we went for coffee and talked for a while. I also started working at ollies finally, which was really hard cause i had to work night shift every night. it was pure labor and it was hell. I hated it so much and i never had a life, and i slept all day, worked all night, and got fucked up when I could to escape. over that summer I was mostly sober due to working and everything i had been trying to escape from for so long was just flooding back in, like i had barely been a month away from the break up. I’d go in to the bathroom having panic attacks and cry, i really thought i was going crazy. not only that but the stuff with drake would haunt me over and over. I know i had asked for help, but the only counselor i was able to see was a preacher and i wasnt opening up to them. The pure hell and pain I kept suffering no one should ever have felt, but i couldnt escape it, and i had grown so far used to getting fucked up off anything i could all the time. I kinda felt when i’d smoke i was more creative so I wrote more, I made a tumblr as an escape. It felt like my writing meant something and people liked it and followed it and commented on it. The more I stayed in this drug and pain world the more i distanced myself from reality and human interaction. I didnt feel like I knew how to talk to people anymore, I distrusted people because of her, and drake, and I hated to be around people. Well the girl Clark didnt want me so my heart was just hurt again. it seemed no one wanted to be with me no matter how many people I looked for love in. Me and big boobs were also becoming closer friends and she told me that her and lukas were apparently having sex now, which she told me she never would when they first were together. I felt sick, I felt like she had finally crossed the line of no return with me. As I drove home I wanted to throw up, I imagined them fucking each other, it hurt so much, i felt betrayed, like that was our thing that we shared together and she ruined the purity of what we shared. I wanted to run my car in to whatever i could, but I went home and cried myself to sleep. I felt no more love after that. just bitterness. So I got drunk and talked to an ex and drove to her house and fucked her. I didnt feel anything for her, i just fucked her and left. I didnt talk to her for a week, but she asked and I told her I cared for her as a friend but i didnt feel anything but i’d still do that with her, and she i feel like actually cared, but she was lonely to so she was ok with that, so I came by just one more time to do that. For some reason being she was the second person I had sex with it made me feel horribly guilty. In some sense I felt like I betrayed Moo Moo even though I was done with that in my head 12:58am I was told about having a court date in the future where i’d finally have to testify against drake about what he did to me, im sorta lost and confused on when all this happened so im piecing it together and how I feel like it was. I finally became friend with Ohl. well, over the summer we sorta both were going through the same painful feelings of a first love break up, for him it had been over a year and he was still going through it. for me it had been about 6 monthes. we connected on what that was like for us. we’d drink and share music and he’d play guitar, play games with me, play pokemon and smash bros. he started coming over a lot and staying the night. I had finally found someone who understood and I could connect with after so much hell. We started hiking all the time, we’d do crazy adventurous things, we camped once, he stole a bunch of cigs, we took ecstasy twice together, we drove drunk once, we’d go to hookah really fucked up a few times, we were a team who matched really well but probably were the worst things for each other in a sense, we both just didnt care cause of the pain we were in. Well, this is also another secret i really havent told anyone, but I had a 3 some with him an this lady who was married. we both had planned on it for a month and got high and finally did, it was really awkward, but a huge thrill. Finally we met jones, that girl u met at the art show whos dating james, well me and her started talking and hanging out at the college a lot, well, she sorta led me on some, and i got Ohl talking to her friend robin. we would go to guys and dolls which my god was redneck and ghetto trash central, and i almost got in a fight there. well we played pool and went out on the town a few times. We also smoked pot with the owner of guys and dolls. well one day we stayed the night at her house and stayed up all night, i drove so deleriously to school that i almost wrecked. well My bro started dating Hope. they had dated like 2 or 3 days, and my mom let her stay the night, well me and Ohl got really drunk and ate mcdonalds and tried to get people to come over, well they didnt, so we asked lauren and robin to come over. well they finally did, they only had a few shots and Jones took her clothes off and was walking around my house naked, well we took her downstairs cause my dad was coming home. my bro and Hope were upstairs just cuddling, and i had met her earlier, well Jones jumped on me and started taking my clothes off and wanted to have a 3 some, but then she was like i have to tell u something, i fucked some guy before i came over. well, that hurt, a lot, i really liked Jones and i had been getting close to her and it made me mad. well i finally just agreed to a 3some cause after that i wasnt going to talk to her anymore. well she got naked, but she wouldnt let me or Sanson fuck her, she made daniel go upstairs and so me and Sanson fingered her, well, she liked when i did it better and said she i was really good at it, derrik not so much, well she jerked us off and in the middle of it we could hear my dad come in. well Ohl and robin were naked on the couch, but my dad was so wasted he fell asleep upstairs. 1:04am Well robin and Ohl started fucking in my bathroom and she was moaning so obnoxiously and fakely loud we started laughing downstairs. My sister knocked on the door asking to use tha bathroom, and she knew they were fucking. well we all laughed about it later and we all fell asleep. after that i made Jones leave the next day and never talked to her again. i was really hurt and just so sick of girls. well me and ohl and my friend Christian hung out alot and got drunk at my house a lot and played games and all got close. after a while wound up talking to my ex Mexico and she was all like im done with this shitty guy blah blah, but then he found out i was trying to get back with her and made that stop, and then she just disappeared. well my brother and Hope had broke up so i asked if it was ok if i talked to her cause i was attracted to her and it didnt go anywhere with them and he said sure, so i started talking to her and we sorta clicked in some ways because she was wanting all the same things as me and we were both lonely and stuff. well. thats a story for another night I feel like i’ve left enough for you.

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deafeningcreationperson-blog · 6 years

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How much auto insurance do I need?

"How much auto insurance do I need?

How much auto insurance should I get for a 1999 Ford Escort that is already paid for. I have insurance now but it is 660 dollars a year and that sounds like way too much for an 11-year-old car.

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