#or rather has changed in the time between when this confession was submitted and now

[falloutconfessions]

“It bugs me so much that I can't seem to find mods to stop some clothes like formal wear and pajamas from changing appearance depending on the gender of your character.

I want my butch character to wear a suit. i want to see my guy in a nighty. is that so much to ask?”

Fallout Confessions

[waiting-for-motivation]

black leather jacket

summary: To celebrate his loves birthday Wolffe takes a day off. They go for a walk and share a lot of kisses. At night they meet up with the 104th and have a heavy make-out-session in the bathroom of 97s.

request: Hiii i was interested in submitting a Commander Wolffe x f!reader request. I was wondering if it could be fluff/soft smut (maybe something to do with reader's bday since mine is in a few days heh?) thanks queen i love your work! ~ anon

pairing: Commander Wolffe x Reader

warnings: fluff, soft clones, drinking, smut, unprotected sex, mirror sex

words: 1511

a/n: your birthday is probably over by now but I still hope you like it so sorry it took me so long to write this

MASTERLIST REQUEST RULES

The loud knocking at her door wakes (Y/n). At first, she tries to ignore it but then decides to leave her bed and tell the person to leave her alone. Her naked feet sip over the cold floor, and she has a blanket draped over her shoulders to keep her warm.

The moment she rips open the door, all tiredness leaves her body. In front of her stands Commander Wolffe with a small smile on his lips and a bunch of flowers in his right hand. Instead of his gray and white armor, Wolffe is now wearing a tight shirt, a leather jacket, pants as well as boots - all in black.

“Cyar‘ika“, the Commander whispers in his significant rough voice. He takes a step forward and holds out the flowers. His eyes wander from the bouquet to his love. In a matter of seconds her expression changes from confused to happy. The grip around her blanket loosens, and she jumps into Wolffes strong arms. He manages to save the flowers from getting crushed. His free hand is wandering to (Y/n)s lower back, whereas she moves her arms under his jacket.

“I want to wish you a happy birthday...and tell you that we have the whole day to do whatever you desire“, Wolffe explains his sudden and unannounced appearance. The only answer he gets is a kiss placed against his neck. His girlfriend has her face nestled there and takes in his intoxicating scent.

“Come inside“, (Y/n) tells her boyfriend as she looks up from his neck to catch her curious neighbor watching them. So she takes Wolffes hand and drags him inside, closing the door with the back of her foot.

Inside her small apartment they have privacy. So (Y/n) pulls the Commander towards her body and presses her lips against his. The kiss is messy at first because Wolffe is taken by surprise but soon turns into an affectionate as well as lovely make-out-session.

“Cyar‘ika“, Wolffe breaths against his loves lips and has to place a hand on her cheek to stop her from deepening the kiss any further. Her eyes shine full of love. There is a very happy smile on her lips. This is the best birthday she ever had.

“The flowers“, the Commander of the 104th whispers into their staring and raises the flowers between the two of them. He can hear his beloved girl giggle. Their fingers touch as she takes the bouquet from him and a weird tingling fills his whole body.

“You want a caf?“, (Y/n) asks as she walks inside her open kitchen, taking out a vase and filling it with water. The flowers look even more beautiful inside the vase now. But Wolffe has only eyes for his girlfriend, humming in agreement.

“So what would you like to do?“, Wolffe asks as (Y/n) places a cup of caf in front of him and sits down next to him on her couch. She is sitting sideways so her knees meet his thighs, and she can easily take one of his hands. Absently she starts playing with his rough fingers.

“We have all day. That is, except for tonight. The wolfpack, actually Sinker and Boost, have a surprise for you at 79s“, Wolffe explains with an annoyed eye roll and takes a sip of his hot caf. At once, he feels more awake. “We can do whatever you want!“

“Then lets go for a walk“, (Y/n) decides with a sweet smile which Wolffe returns. Turns out the short walk is filled with eating ice cream and sharing short kisses in alleyways. Luckily the sun is shining and so the couple spends the rest of their time in one of the few parks on Coruscant.

“How are you even here? I thought...well you have no days off“, the clones girlfriend says after some time sitting in between Wolffes legs while he leans against a tree. The Commander laughs in return.

“So Sinker is wearing my armor and is in command. And this new pup, his name is Ati I believe, pretends to be Sinker“, Wolffe explains with a proud expression.

“That is your plan? You remember your General is a Jedi right? He will sense your absence“, (Y/n) returns as she looks over her shoulder and presses a kiss to Wolffes forehead. He frowns and sighs. Then both of them laugh heartily.

Time for their departure to 79s comes. They walk hand in hand and while Wolffe looks out for possible dangers, his girlfriend has only eyes for his forearms. The Commander has cuffed his leather jacket to his elbow. For no reason at all, maybe even for too many reasons, (Y/n) feels giddy all of a sudden at this sight.

Finally arriving at 79s almost the whole 104th awaits them and greets (Y/n) with heartwarming hugs. Sinker and Boost only appear when all the pups, the newest clones of the battalion, step aside. The two have a cake in their hands. Wolffe rolls his eyes because he is pretty sure (Y/n) will only get one single piece because his brothers will devour the cake when she turns her back on it. At least every clone has a sweet tooth, so the chocolate cake wont last long.

The night is spent with eating the cake, drinking liquor and dancing. Although a lot of the clones of the wolfpack try their luck to have a dance with (Y/n), Wolffe is always at her side and scares them away.

“Have I mentioned that you look rather handsome in this leather jacket“, (Y/n) tells her boyfriend from in front of the mirror in the bathroom. Wolffe locks the door behind himself and walks towards his love with a huge grin. He only stops when he is standing right behind her, wrapping one arm around her waist and pressing his firm chest against her back. (Y/n) swallows hardly.

“I want you right now“, the Commander whispers into (Y/n)s left ear and starts nibbling at her earlobe. A giggle leaves his beloved girls lips. Then she turns her head so that their lips meet in a passionate kiss. At the same time Wolffe lets his hands explore his cyar‘ikas whole body. They caress the soft skin of her waist. And while one hand wanders to (Y/n)s boobs, the other finds its place between her legs, still covered by her trousers.

“Wolffe“, (Y/n) moans as his fingers brush her clit and massage her breasts. His skin is rough against hers but feels just right. Slowly his left hand slips under her waistband and panties. Wolffe is surprised to find his love already wet. The sight of him in the black leather jacket must have done things to her. It’s easy for him to slip one and then a second finger inside her while his thumb caresses her clit. (Y/n)s moans fill the bathroom.

“We have not much time“, the Commander tells his girlfriend and takes his hands from (Y/n). Quickly he opens his fly and takes out his cock. Then he almost rips (Y/n)s trousers as well as panties down. With one arm wrapped around her waist he steadies his beloved and presses his chest against her once again. (Y/n) can feel his arousal against her ass and presses a sweet kiss to Wolffes chin.

His face is buried in (Y/n)s hair the moment Wolffe aligns his cock with her pussy. Both groan as he seats himself inside her with every inch. Even though they have sex every chance they get it’s always a tight fit for (Y/n) so she needs to take a deep breath.

Then Wolffe starts moving slowly at first, but it soon turns rough. The reflection of himself and his love turns him on. While the hand steadying (Y/n) takes ahold of a boob, the free one starts drawing circles on her clit. She looks so perfect in the mirror, all messy hair and a moaning mess.

Every single time his cock meets a certain spot inside her, (Y/n) makes this sweet sound that keeps Wolffe going on. The sound of skin meeting skin and the smell of sex fills the bathroom. The sides of the mirror even fog up.

“Best birthday ever“, (Y/n) says breathless and can feel herself getting close to coming. Wolffes cock fills her so perfectly and hits her just right. The Commander seems to be close too because his thrusts get erratic.

And then both of them find their release at the same time.

“I love you so much, cyar‘ika“, Wolffe confesses as they both come back to reality. Of course, he helps is love put back on her clothes and fix her hair, before he even tugs himself in.

“I love you too“, (Y/n) returns as she turns around and presses a sweet kiss on Wolffes nose. He laughs but stops her as she turns to the door. Quickly he takes off his leather jacket and places it over (Y/n)s shoulders. Her eyes widen as they wander all over his exposed muscular arms.

“So you don‘t get cold, cyar‘ika!“

taglist: @lightning-wolffe @gwenebear @skippyhopperwisdom @jojos-trooper @rex-meshla

[1dmonthlyficroundup]

1D Monthly Fic Roundup

Hi, and welcome to the 1D Monthly Fic Roundup for May 2021! Below the cut you’ll find 17 One Direction fics that were all published this month in the order they were submitted to the blog. We hope you’ll check out these new fics! If you would like to submit your own fic, please check this post on how to submit or visit our blog @1dmonthlyficroundup.

New York Kiss by wordsnnotes / @quelsentiment

[Louis/Zayn, Mature, 47k, tumblr post]

“Also, in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m quite the narcissistic type, and I didn’t want that cute guy to have a bad opinion of me for the rest of his life.” “Who, me?” Zayn bats his lashes jokingly, ignoring the fact that his heart skipped a beat at Louis’ words. “Yeah, you. So, shall we go?” Louis drops what remains of his cigarette on the floor and steps on it to light it off. Meanwhile, Zayn makes a reckless decision. “Alright. Lead the way, De Niro.”

Or: A strangers to lovers AU where Louis is an actor, Zayn is a writer (among other things), and they meet each other literally by accident in NYC, just as the world is about to turn upside down.

I Love The Very Blood Of You by lovelarry10 / @chloehl10 

[Harry/Louis, Explicit, 129k, tumblr post]

“I don’t just like him …” Harry muttered, fiddling with the string at the waistband of his jogging bottoms that had definitely seen better days. “I love him, Zayn. I’m in love with Louis. With a vampire.”

He looked up just in time to see a small smile on Anne’s face, and she reached out with a hopeful look. Harry couldn’t resist, and put his large hand in hers, letting her comfort him for a moment.

“I could tell there was love between you,” she confessed softly, a light blush on her cheeks. “When I met you, I knew you were smitten with each other. I won’t pretend it doesn’t make me nervous, but … I can’t tell you who you can and can’t love, sweetheart.”

A vampire. A human. A broken arrangement. A love long since forbidden. Hunted by hate. Destined.

One More Taste of Your Lips by MsHydeStylinson @mizzhydes and @canadianlarrie

[Harry/Louis, Explicit, 80k, tumblr post]

It had been eight years since the hiatus began, and Louis had spent that time writing and recording music, touring and making it safely through the pandemic. When the opportunity arose to go back on tour with One Direction, Louis knew he'd be a fool not to take it. Sure, life on the road would be different after all this time apart, but he was looking forward to experiencing that comradery again.

What he hadn't realised was that living the better part of nine months in each other's pockets was bound to dredge up issues from his past. And when one of the pockets belonged to Harry, who he'd had a rather unconventional friendship with that drifted apart during their last tour, life on the road again would upend both their lives in irrevocable ways.

***

Harry wasn’t that sixteen year old boy anymore. Nor was he the young man in his late teens who was on the cusp of conquering the entire world.

But some traits seemed to remain the same; his vibrant green eyes, the dimples set deeply in his cheeks whenever he laughed earnestly, or his curls that were the same shade of cocoa that Louis remembered fondly.

And yet, Louis had absolutely no idea who this man that stood a mere twenty paces away was today.

take my hand, wreck my plans by amomentoflove / @daggerandrose

[Harry/Louis, Teen & Up, 38k, tumblr post]

Louis meets the man in the center of the room, feeling every eye on him.

“Mr. H,” he whispers.

The man smiles brightly and laughs as if he can’t believe his eyes. “It’s you,” he says breathlessly. “I didn’t think I would see you again.”

“Nor I you, especially under these circumstances.”

“Even so,” Mr H says, his eyes bouncing from Louis’ eyes to his lips. “Will you do me a great honor and join me in leading the first … um…”

“Dance?”

Mr. H laughs and nods. “Yes, that’s the one.”

Louis bites his lips and doesn’t hesitate before whispering, “Yes.”

Mr. H beams and reaches for Louis’ hand. Sparks fly at the touch and a zing of excitement shoots through Louis’ body. His face heats up as he’s afraid his scent would give away his feelings towards the other man.

Winter Light by wordsnnotes / @quelsentiment

[Liam/Zayn (Liam & Louis, Harry/Louis), Teen & Up, 58k, tumblr post]

“Do you think this place is dead?” he suddenly asked, his eyes focused on one of the two oaks, whose bark was grey and trunk cracked. 

“What do you mean?” Zayn inquired, joining him by the tree. 

“Well, it’s winter now, so obviously everything looks dead anyway,” Liam said. “But do you think come spring, this place might look like the way it looked before?” 

Zayn took his time to think about Liam’s question. “I think all things are salvageable,” he eventually answered. “Including this garden. You just have to try hard enough.”

After his mother’s death, Liam is sent to live at his estranged uncle’s manor in the North of England, where new friends, mysterious places and family secrets await him. A Secret Garden inspired Soulmate AU

Cake and Kiss by @loulovehome

[Harry/Louis, General, 2k, tumblr post]

The one where omega Harry didn't like cake and wants to throw up when his alpha kisses him.

Love After the End of the World by writing_practice / @mercurial-madhouse

[Harry/Louis, Explicit, 150k, tumblr post]

“Wait. Just so I’m clear in me fucking noggin,” Niall says. “An international worldwide takeover is well under way and the only thing standing between having hot showers and a second end of the world is us five fuckers?”

-----

Society shattered when all electricity suddenly cut off across the globe, plunging the world into darkness. Now, Prometheus Industries is the sole remaining supply of power, a saving grace to those who survived Lights Out. As fugitives in no-man’s land struggling to break into Prometheus HQ, death lurks around every corner for Louis and Zayn. Things get complicated when a routine recon falls apart and Louis collides with Harry and his mates Niall and Liam, survivors with their own agenda.

When staying alive is already a constant battle, the deadliest weakness is to be in love. For Harry and Louis, finding each other sits on top of the endless list of What Else Could Go Wrong.

Hometown by @allwaswell16

[Louis/Harry, Not Rated, 2k, tumblr post]

On the day Harry gets his driver’s licence, he drives through the suburbs, heartbroken that he can’t drive home to Louis.

Baby Blues by @kingsofeverything

[Louis/Harry, Explicit, 12K, tumblr post]

8 mpreg Harry snippets originally posted on Tumblr. Mostly smut ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But If This Ends by nonsensedarling / @absoloutenonsense

[Harry/Louis, Explicit, 107k, tumblr post]

Harry’s life as a vampire is routine. He spends his years moving around from place to place, learning as much as he can, and falling in love whenever the universe sees fit. When he tries to move his casual relationship with Louis to something more, it all gets turned on its head. As they navigate confusing thoughts and complex emotions, Harry finds himself torn between the love he feels for Louis and everything he thought he knew.

Featuring pet names, love letters, secrets, meaningful friendships, and two insecure boys desperately in love.

Pretty in Pink by lovelarry / @chloehl10

[Louis/Harry, Explicit, 18k, tumblr post]

“Love? Can I come in?”

Harry sniffed and shook his head before he realised Louis couldn’t see him. “No. Go home, Lou. Please.”

“I’m not leaving,” the Omega insisted, his voice full of concern. “And I’m not judging either. Just… talk to me, Haz.”

Harry briefly considered changing or at least ripping everything off and greeting Louis in his boxers before he realised that might actually be worse, that Louis had seen him dressed up and there was no need to hide anymore. He meekly shuffled over to the door and pulled it open before he backed away, refusing to meet Louis’ eyes.

To the Omega’s credit, he walked straight over to Harry and wrapped his arms around him from behind, resting his cheek between Harry’s shoulder blades.

“This top feels nice. Soft. I see why you like it,” Louis said quietly from behind him.

*****

Alpha Harry loves to secretly dress up and be pretty. He loves his feminine side, even if it’s not typical of an Alpha. But when Omega Louis finds out, it might just the start of something even more beautiful for them both...

Plant New Seeds In The Melody by @vintageumbroshirt / 28sunflowers

[Louis/Harry, Explicit, 58k, tumblr post]

After losing his husband in a tragic car accident, the last thing Louis needs is to keep running into popstar Harry Styles, who David was quite fond of.

Obviously, that’s exactly what keeps happening.

But as their unlikely friendship blossoms, Louis realizes that, maybe, having Harry in his life was the only good thing that came out of his adverse circumstances. Harry could be just the right person to help Louis find trust and intimacy in someone new.

We are the same, you run in my veins by @vintageumbroshirt / 28sunflowers

[Louis/Harry, General, 4k, tumblr post]

When the time for Louis to become the Alpha leader of his pack comes, he can’t rise to the occasion for not being yet bonded. A series of trips to neighbouring packs in search of his soulmate is fruitless until he meets one of the other packs’ Alpha heir.

Harry.

The world seems to stop turning for a second and then it shifts, clicking into its axis. All the distress and wrongness he felt until that very moment suddenly disappears. Louis is finally whole.

But two Alpha leaders from different tribes soulbonding is something unheard of before.

evergreen, evermore by docklands / @hershelsue​

[Louis/Harry, General, 2k, tumblr post]

The year is 1979. Their entire lives, Harry and Louis have lived in Chichester, home to the best watermelons in the world. An unruffled life in the country has always served their long term friendship well. It all shifts when Harry has to move away to a bigger city due to his mother’s job, albeit his love for his hometown and for Louis. It’s even harsher when the moving truck leaves on his birthday, of all days. When all seems lost, Louis ends up having to pull some strings to ease the pain in Harry’s heart.

When The High's Too High, and the Low's Too Low by DaysLikeMasquerades

[Louis/Harry, Mature, 22k+ (wip)]

Two perspectives of growing up neurodivergent

Some days Harry wondered if he would ever find a friend who could look past all the things he couldn't change. Someone who didn't care that he could spend hours talking about his latest fascination without calling him obsessed. Who didn't laugh when he couldn't stop his hands from expressing his emotions. Who didn't care that he was 13, but he'd start crying if he went into too many stores, because they were too bright, too loud, too smelly, and it was all just too overwhelming. Some days he thought someone like that just didn't exist.

Most nights Louis wondered if there would ever come a time when he didn't hate himself. When he would learn to control his emotions and the mood swings that seemed to take over everything and leave no room for himself. He wondered how he could live with himself when he only seemed to hurt the people he loved. His teachers thought he was a wonderful boy, but he knew the truth. Most nights he cried himself into exhaustion wondering how it was possible to feel so broken at only 15. He wanted to be happy, but he didn't know how and that scared him more than anything. Most nights he just hoped he could figure it out before it was too late.

Make You Never Wanna Leave (so Don’t) by @beelou​ / cherrylarry

[Louis/Harry, Explicit, 3k, tumblr post]

“You look hot in plaid.” “What?” “I said you look like a dad.” “No, you didn't.” “Yes, I certainly did, Harold. You have no proof.” -- Or, the one where Harry wears plaid.

a little tenderness by @disgruntledkittenface

[Harry/Niall, ​Not rated, 10k, tumblr post]

“Listen, my alpha and I broke up and it turns out that all of our friends were really his friends and I need someone to help me through–”

“No,” Harry practically shouts, the word bursting out of him unbidden. He cringes when he sees the shock on Niall’s face, his pale skin flushing lightly. “I’m sorry, but my answer has to be no. I don’t help omegas through heats. I’m really sorry, Liam knows that, so I don’t know why he would give you the idea–”

“It’s not heat, Harry,” Niall interrupts. “It’s depri.”

“Oh. Fuck.”

Touch deprivation makes a lot of sense now that Harry thinks about it. Niall seems generally unwell; he appears to be weak, his skin is pallid and his lips look chapped, and his breathing is ragged. He’s wearing a cozy-looking sweatshirt, but even over FaceTime, he kind of seems cold, hunched over with his arms wrapped around his body. Harry’s never been around an omega in depri as bad off as Niall looks; most of the time, there’s an alpha friend or family member who can help out with scenting and physical contact.

Oh.

[walviemort]

Fairy Godfather, part 1

Summary: The fairies have asked a monumental favor of Killian: be the surrogate for their babies—all nine of them. He's been pregnant before, but this? This is a whole other level. What has he gotten himself into? And just how big will he get?

A/N: As usual, the muse has gone off and done whatever it wants to do, rather than, y'know, work on a WIP. Alas. The idea for this came about when I sent @sancocnutclub​ this picture of a woman who was supposedly pregnant with 10 babies; it has since come out as a hoax, but dang—her BUMP. Subsequent doodling and headcanoning brought about this story (also partly inspired by a conversation with SherlockianWhovian a while back), and here we are! I should note that this also takes place after a couple of past one-shots, which can be found here and here. Hope you like it!

rated T / 3k words / AO3

Of all the requests put in front of Killian in his long life, this was by far the oddest.

“You want me...to carry babies...for how many of you?” he asked, trying to wrap his head around the query.

“Nine,” Blue answered matter-of-factly. “Normally, it wouldn’t be so many, but we’re past due for a brood. There was just no one around who we thought could handle it.”

“And he can?” Emma was at his side in the booth at Granny’s, where Blue and Tink had requested to meet with them. Their daughter, Hope, was sitting in the high chair at the end of the table, making a mess of some oatmeal. 

“It helps if they’ve given birth before,” Tink replied. Well, he had done that—not intentionally, but he had been the one to carry and birth Hope, who was 10 months old now.

And while it had ended up being a beautiful experience, he obviously had reservations. “Yes, but that was only one baby—and you genuinely think I can handle nine?”

“We do,” Blue confirmed. “And we’d obviously provide as much help as we can.”

“It also wouldn’t be like a normal human pregnancy,” Tink added. “No morning sickness or cravings, or anything like that.”

“No, I’d just be massive,” he sighed; memories of his own perceived whale-like proportions toward the end of his pregnancy with Hope were still fresh; this had potential to put that to shame.

“Well, fairy newborns are smaller than the average human infant—less than 4 pounds. But yes, you would go full term.” Blue was awfully clinical in her statements.

Killian glanced down at his midsection, which had yet to fully regain its previous flatness, and he doubted it ever would. Especially not if he agreed to this. “I’m really your only option?” he asked again. “What about David?”

“It’s too soon,” Blue answered. David gave birth a couple months prior to their daughter Ruth, and as promised, Killian was at his side. However, he’d had to have a C-section, which slowed his recovery a bit compared to Killian’s. “And it must be done at the upcoming winter solstice, or we’ll have to wait another few years.”

Killian was about to suggest that until Tink jumped in. “Plus, you kind of still owe us for the whole hat thing.”

“That was the Dark One and you know it,” Emma snapped back, but they both knew Killian still harbored a fair amount of guilt over that. It was a low blow on their part, but not undeserved. 

She most likely saw the acceptance in his eyes when they exchanged a glance, but he also saw she wasn’t quite there. “Does it really have to be a guy?” she enquired, turning back to the fairies. “I mean, there are lots of women here who meet your criteria, too.”

“It does,” they said simultaneously, though Tink at least looked somewhat apologetic. 

Emma was ready to protest again, but he put his hand over hers on the table and told her with a look that it was okay. She reclined in her seat while he turned back to the pair. “I’ll agree, but with one condition: you’ll have to help pick up my slack—around town and at home,” he said evenly. He was sure he’d get to a point when it wasn’t feasible for him to continue as deputy, or at the library, or even keep up with Hope, who was dangerously close to walking. 

“Actually, one more,” Emma added. “He’s not on the hook for any, like, actual fatherhood, right? You won’t be coming after him for child support or anything?”

“No, he's simply the surrogate,” Blue confirmed. 

“And we’ll definitely help out—whatever you need,” Tink added. 

Emma gave him a tentative but supportive look. “Then I’ll do it,” he told them. 

“Excellent,” Blue stated with less enthusiasm than he expected. “We’ll send you more information soon, but the most important thing is to be at the convent next Saturday. Green,” she then turned to Tink, “come; we have much to do to prepare.” (Which was a polite way of asking her to slide out of the booth first.)

Tink rolled her eyes and stood up. “I’ll text you,” she said, and the two flitted out of the diner.

Killian and Emma were silent for a long moment after they left, other than making sure some oatmeal actually ended up in Hope’s mouth. 

Emma started to clean up the baby and then said, “I know it’s too late now, but are you sure about this?”

“Not entirely,” he confessed, “but they were right—I do owe them.”

“You don’t,” Emma said matter-of-factly, “even though I know you think you do.” She wiped the mess off Hope’s face. “But if this will finally relieve some of that guilt, then I get it, and I’ll support you.”

“Thank you, love,” he sighed, and pressed a kiss to her temple. “I’m going to need it, I think.”

“Oh, you are,” she said wryly. “And you should probably start planning how you’ll tell my dad.”

“Bloody hell,” he cursed, then dragged a hand down his face. “He’s going to be relentless.” What had been playful ribbing during their respective pregnancies was likely about to be amplified. 

“Maybe you can talk to Belle? See if she knows anything on what to expect? Pun not intended.”

“Yeah, that’s a good idea,” he agreed, then followed Emma as she slipped out of the booth. He pulled Hope from the high chair and settled her in his left arm, then grabbed her diaper bag and slung it over his shoulder. “Guess we’ll pick her brain now. See you later.” They kissed farewell and headed off to their respective jobs that day—Emma at the station, Killian at the library, where he’d taken something of an assistant librarian position (and could keep an eye on Hope and her “cousin” Gideon in between reshelving and assisting patrons).

Belle was surprised when he told him about the morning’s turn of events, but then got an almost academic excitement. “I can’t say I know much about their physiology, and I didn’t know this about their reproduction, but let’s see if we have anything.”

She dove into research while he took care of normal library functions, but by midday, didn’t have much to show for it. 

“They’re so secretive! Obviously their existence is documented, and there’s mention of someone other than Blue being in charge at some point in the past, and that their young mature faster than average, but that’s it. What did they tell you?”

“Not much,” he answered, relaying what little he’d been told. “But they did call it a ‘brood’, so it sounds like multiples are common. Just not quite so many.”

“Do you think they’d let me take notes?” she wondered. “It’s not like there's any research journals on magical beings I could submit a paper to, but more for my own study.” 

“If they don’t let you, I won’t do it,” he commented. “Do you still have everything from last time?” She’d done quite a bit of documentation on his first pregnancy, considering it was the product of a misunderstood spell.

“Of course; David’s, too.” Then she laughed. “Of all the things I imagined becoming an expert in, magical male pregnancy was not one of them.”

“Someone had to,” he countered.

“That’s true!”

---------------------------------------------------------

The rest of the week was fairly uneventful, save for a text from Tink telling them when to arrive at the convent, and to make sure he ate lots of greens and wore something comfortable (which he took to mean stretchy). And they assented to Belle’s presence, too, which didn’t change anything but did make him feel more at ease.

David was something between amused and horrified about what Killian had agreed to, but ultimately glad they hadn’t asked him.

The afternoon of the solstice, before they headed to the convent, Belle took some notes and measurements of Killian as a baseline for her study—and honestly, he was kind of glad, if the proportions on this were going to be as overlarge as he expected. “How big do they make those maternity pants?” he asked Emma as Belle was making note of his waist size (not significantly larger than it used to be, he was at least proud to say). 

Emma’s eyes grew large. “I don’t know; I think the fairies are gonna have to help with that one.”

“Let’s hope that’s a ways off, then,” he settled. 

They dropped Hope off at Snow and David’s on their way to the convent, where they were greeted by Blue herself. She ushered them in without a word, and a couple other fairies were there to gather their belongings, before Blue guided them further into the building. Killian was both surprised and not to see that they were all in their traditional attire, though he was a bit shocked that they were all still large and not the miniscule size they were known for. Belle had had a similar question a few days ago; they’d ask at some point. 

They were led into a large, candlelit room, where Tink suddenly appeared in front of him. “Drink this,” she commanded, holding a mug of steaming liquid, “and take off your shirt.”

“Is that necessary?” he asked as he took the mug.

“I mean, I already know what’s under there, so I wouldn’t be asking if it wasn’t,” she countered with a wink.

He complied with a sigh. The drink was a potion of some sort, he gathered almost immediately; a warm, tingly feeling took over his body as he drank it, eventually settling in his stomach, which made sense. Weirdly, though, when he removed his tshirt, there was a slight glow under the skin of his abdomen. (Belle was off to the side, furiously taking notes; Emma was next to her, trying to keep a straight face and surreptitiously taking pictures.)

Blue was watching a clock, and when it struck a seemingly random time—the peak of the solstice—she began chanting in a tongue he didn’t quite recognize, with others gradually joining in and forming a circle around him. The glow under his skin got brighter, especially in his midsection, although he didn’t feel any different—yet.

“Human,” Blue finally addressed him. “You have agreed to be the vessel for our young. Do you promise to protect them with your life, and care for them until they are ready to join our world?”

“I...yes,” he answered, as confidently as he could manage. “I will.”

Blue continued briefly in the foreign tongue, as did the others. “Now, let the gravidation commence.”

One of the fairies approached him with her hands cupped as the rest continued to chant; she was dressed all in pink, and he thought he’d seen her spending time with Grumpy on occasion. As she got closer, he saw a small ball of pink light pulsing her palm that she was murmuring to, until she was close enough to touch him. 

And she did, guiding the ball of light toward his navel and then—it disappeared inside him as she pressed her hands against his stomach. He felt a small twinge inside as it settled within, but no pain—just a spark. The glow from his midsection briefly took on a pinkish hue, but then returned to the white color it had been emanating.

Each of the nine fairies did the same thing, one by one. He did wonder how it was decided who would be reproducing, given that there were far more than nine fairies present, but that was another question for a later date. They appeared before him in all colors of the spectrum—purple, seafoam, navy, yellow, fuschia—and then Tiger Lily’s deep orange joined the array of hues, followed by Tink’s bright green.

Blue was the last to approach, and her orb seemed to be the biggest of them all, which he supposed was no surprise. However, her hands lingered on his abdomen and she continued to chant, the intensity and volume increasing as everyone’s voices joined in.

He suddenly felt a slight cramp within—still nothing painful, but like his insides were being gently rearranged, which they probably were. Then his stomach glowed brighter, casting all the colors of the fairies whose offspring he was now carrying around the room.

“Gods above, watch over this man; let he be exalted among the fairies, and let no harm befall him nor our bairns,” Blue called out with a sense of finality.

The glow grew brighter, until it was too bright for him to look at, but then was gone in a flash. The fairies gave a collective hum that seemed to resolve the ceremony, and then began to file out of the room, although Tink approached and wrapped him in a soft robe.

He felt...he wasn’t sure. Content, at the very least, but also like he might float away were it not for the sensation of a weight within him holding him down. His hand drifted to his midsection, and if he wasn’t mistaken, it was ever so slightly rounder than it was before he arrived; with nine babies in there, he supposed that made sense. He couldn’t feel any sensations of kicking yet, but it was probably too early—and honestly, he still kind of tingled all over. The analytical side of him wondered where they would be considered in their development relative to a human fetus—and if they’d even show up on an ultrasound.

“How are you doing, Captain?” Blue was still in front of him, but in the afterglow (literally) of the spell, he’d lost sense of anything else around him.

“I’m good,” he answered. “Possibly too good.”

Blue gave a small, knowing smile. “That tends to happen. Come, let’s sit; you must have more questions.” She gestured toward the door the fairies had exited out of and then moved toward it herself, expecting him to follow.

Emma was suddenly at his side, and Belle not far behind. “You okay?” she asked, brow furrowed in concern.

“I seem to be,” he replied. “Have I ever told you how bloody beautiful you are?”

She grinned, amused. “Many times. What was in that cup?”

“Potion of some sort,” he shrugged as she started pushing him in the direction of the door. “Why?”

“Seemed like some really potent potables,” she quipped. Yeah, he did feel a little drunk.

He somehow ended up on a very plush couch, with Emma on one side and Belle on the other, sitting across from Blue, Tink, and Tiger Lily. Someone gave him a glass of water, and there was food on a coffee table, but he wasn’t much hungry. 

Honestly, he was mostly fascinated with the stained glass windows in the room, and with inspecting whatever was going on in his stomach, until he did hear Belle ask a pertinent question:

“So why men?”

“Well, we’re all women,” Blue answered. “It does take two.”

“But I thought you said he was just a surrogate,” Emma countered. “Are these actually his babies? Because we didn’t agree to that.”

“No, they’re not; I suppose in modern terms, you’d say that we reproduce asexually. But nature still seems to demand the involvement of a man and a woman. So that’s why a willing male carries the brood.”

“Are there always so many?” Belle asked.

“No; usually only 4 or 5. But no one was available at the last solstice.”

Killian didn’t really pay attention to the next several questions regarding fairy reproduction—he’d read Belle’s notes later when he was a bit more focused—but he did eventually get to interject one of his own: “Why are you big right now, though? And why aren’t the babies going to be tiny?”

The fairies chuckled—he supposed his statement wasn’t as coherent as it sounded in his head—but still replied. “Shrinking is an acquired skill,” Tink said. “That’s why we weren’t small when we didn’t have our powers,” she explained, nodding at Tiger Lily. 

“But once we learn, it’s our preferred size,” Blue added. “It’s easier to do our job then.”

That made sense. 

“So, what else can he expect,” Emma asked. “I know you said it’d be different, but how much?”

“Well, the size, obviously—and you will still gain weight to support that,” Blue explained. “Increased appetite is to be expected, but no cravings or anything like that.”

“Your hormones will be altered, similar to a normal pregnancy,” Tiger Lily added. “But that just helps the body prepare for birth.”

“Bloody hell, what will that be like?” he wondered aloud. 

“Nowhere near as difficult,” Blue laughed. 

“Wait—if my hormones are affected…” He trailed off, remembering how much those threw him for a loop last time—particularly, certain desires. “I can still have sex, right?”

Emma covered her face with her hands at his blunt question, but it was important. 

“Of course,” Blue said plainly. “Do whatever you need to—within reason, of course.”

“Although, don’t forget—you’ll be at least twice as big as last time,” Tink reminded. “At least. That might make it harder.”

More difficult, maybe, but it hadn’t altered either person’s desires the last time around. He turned to give Emma (what he thought was) a salacious look, but she just burst into giggles. 

“Just—listen to your body,” Blue finally said. “For everything: rest, food, activity. The spell you drank will last the whole pregnancy and keep things going. We trust you, though.”

“I’ll guard them with my life,” he said, suddenly emotional, covering his stomach with his hand. 

“Aaaand there’s the hormones,” Emma commented. “Come on; let’s get you home.”

He was suddenly very sleepy. “Aye; that’s a good idea.”

“Yes, he’s going to be tired the next couple of days,” Blue added. “But otherwise—see you in 40 weeks.”

Emma wrapped her arm around him, said goodbye, and poofed them straight back to their bedroom. He was nearly asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, but had one last thing to ask Emma.

“You’ll still find me sexy when I’ve got a big, huge belly, right?”

She kissed his forehead. “Incredibly so. Sleep tight.”

------------------------------------------------------

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[mrsgiovanna]

Don Giorno fluff alphabet

An A-Z fluff breakdown of how it would be to love and be loved by this golden dreamboat. I may or may not have gotten carried away... *sigh* 🥺💭❤️

Cut for length

Activities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

Giorno doesn’t have much free time, so the little he has available will be divided between going out to places where you both can enjoy the outdoors and feel the sunshine on your skin. He would also take you to art galleries and museums to indulge in the culture. Every so often, you guys will stay in and just bask in each other’s company.

Beauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Naturally he’ll love you overall, inner beauty, outside beauty, everything. However, he’s especially drawn to your eyes. They are the windows to the soul, he loves that he can always see your true feelings by observing your eyes.

Comfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

The situation would determine Giorno’s actions. If you’re feeling a bit low he will make himself available to talk to you and help you work through your feelings. If you just need a cuddle and words of reassurance he will provide those too. If you’re being consumed by anxiety and panic he will try and calm your breathing to a more even pace and he will talk you down in a calming tone and reassure you that whatever it might be, he will always be there for you.

Dreams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

Growing up, Giorno didn’t have the happiest childhood. I feel he would yearn for a family of his own. Even though the thought of having children might make him anxious, he would be determined to give them the life he didn’t get to have.

Equal - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

Giorno would be the dominant one, but very gentle in his treatment of you. His natural charisma will have you submitting without you being aware of it, a perfect combination of Johnathan and Dio.

Fight - Would they easily forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Giorno would not want to fight with you. Conflicts will be handled by trying to come to a compromise. If emotions are running really high he would remove himself from the situation until he’s calm enough to discuss everything. If you were the one at fault and you apologized to him, he would forgive you, he can’t stay upset at you.

Gratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

Giorno appreciates everything you do for him. Regardless of how big or small the gesture is, it means a lot that you’re being thoughtful of him.

Honesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

Given the nature of what he does, there will be a lot that he would want to keep away from you for your own safety. He will keep the mafia business as separate from his home life as possible.

Inspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

Giorno would learn how to be more outwardly affectionate and more expressive in general from his s/o. Not having formed secure attachments in his childhood, his s/o would be instrumental in him learning how to trust and reach that level of intimacy with someone.

Jealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

He’s not someone who easily gets jealous, he trusts you completely. However if a situation does arise where someone is being a bit too familiar with you, he will come to you and casually rest his arm around your waist and draw you against himself. A simple, but clear message.

Kiss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

The first kiss was sweet, albeit a bit awkward seeing as you were both young and inexperienced, as you both become more confident the kisses are passionate and leave you both yearning for more.

Love Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

He would confess in a quiet setting, perhaps during a candlelit dinner, or on a long walk along the coastline, initially being a bit nervous, but generally he would hide his nerves well. He would be forthright but still very sweet and respectful, perhaps using GE to create a single rose for you. He wouldn’t pressure you for an immediate response either, rather giving you some time to consider everything.

Marriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Giorno would want to get married when the time is right. The proposal would be very intimate, just the two of you. He would have your ring made to your tastes which he has already discerned from how well he knows you. He would list all the reasons he’s thankful for you and end off with the big question as he slowly takes out the ring box from his pocket. The wedding would be everything you want it to be, he gives you free reign, offering his input when you solicit it. In the marriage, he wants you both to have a peaceful, happy life together, free from conflicts and drama, you’re his safe haven, he will protect that at all costs.

Nicknames - What do they call their s/o?

Mostly terms of endearment in his native Italian dialect. His favorites would be Tesoro, Amore, bella/Bello.

On Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

People very close to him would be able to tell he’s in love by the softness in his eyes when your name comes up in conversation. Thinking about you instantly puts him in a better mood. When it’s just you two, Giorno in love is like the first sunshine after a storm, it quietly illuminates everything with a warm glow, making you ever so thankful for its existence.

PDA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

While everyone who needs to know about your relationship does know, he’s not big on PDA or flaunting the relationship in front of others. Any PDA would be chaste, holding your hand every now and then, or putting his arm around your waist. Aside from keeping you safe from potential enemies, he just feels more comfortable being overtly affectionate with you in private. He has to maintain his image as a Don.

Quirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

Over and above his stand abilities, Giorno has an uncanny ability to read people, so he will always be able to sense when you’re not okay.

Romance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

He can be very romantic when it comes to showing you how much he loves you. He’s the type of lover to surprise you with something you’ve wanted but have long since forgotten about. He would arrange small, anonymous escapes for the two of you to the countryside. He knows that as much as he can give you material gifts, what you want most from him is his time, so he would think of creative ways in which you & him can escape.

Support - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Giorno is supportive of your dreams and goals, having realised dreams of his own, he understands how important it is to have the people closest to you believe in those dreams. So whether your goals are academically inclined, a charitable venture or any other goal, he will support you in any way he can.

Thrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

Giorno wouldn’t mind trying out different things if you wanted him to, the busy nature of his work keeps things spontaneous though.

Understanding - How well do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

Giorno can read you like an open book, he’s very in tune with your feelings and emotions, as mentioned earlier, he is a pro at reading people.

Value - How important is the relationship to them?

He places a large degree of importance on you and the relationship in general. You keep him grounded and he is able to be the truest version of himself around you.

Wild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

One of Giorno’s guilty pleasures is baking with you. He has quite an affinity for chocolate, and he lives for warm domestic moments with you, so he can indulge in both by doing this.

XOXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

In the beginning his attempts at physical displays of affection would be slightly awkward, but as he grows more comfortable, he grows to adore receiving as well as giving kisses and cuddles, in private of course.

Yearning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

He understands that his job will most likely keep him away from you for periods of time. He will always check in on you even if just by text, to make sure that you’re okay, and to let you know how much you mean to him. He knows that he’s returning home to you, which encourages him during particularly difficult times.

Zeal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind?

Giorno’s no stranger to being placed in dangerous situations. He will do everything in his power to keep you safe, if anything threatens your wellbeing, he will do everything he can to make sure you remain unharmed.

[intelligent-trash]

Jo, Kate, and their parallels with the Orpheus/Eurydice myth

Okay, so I know this may seem totally out there, but bear with me on this - I promise, I have a point, and I am really interested to hear your thoughts on these parallels.

So I just wrote this all out once only for tumblr to delete it as I was about to post, so like, yay for that. Also I’m on 4 hours sleep and very brain frazzled from recently submitting my dissertation, so apologies if there’s any nonsensical aspects. I will preface this with a note that I am by no means a Greek mythology expert, I just really love Hadestown and subsequently the Orpheus/Eurydice myth, and noticed there were some significant parallels between it and the Kate/Jo story which I wanted to draw.

For those not particularly familiar with the Orpheus/Eurydice myth, I’d give it a quick google, but I’ll be drawing comparisons between that story and Kate/Jo’s here.

Orpheus is a talented musician, whose musical gift was said to entrance even nature itself. In a slightly less mythical but no less impressive fashion, we have Kate, whose known proficiencies and dedication to the anticorruption cause, even after she leaves AC-12, make her stand out as an exceptional detective. Orpheus meets Eurydice and is instantly drawn to her beauty – she is drawn to his voice, and they soon fall in love. It is not Kate’s voice that draws in Jo, but the promise of freedom she offers with her anticorruption background that initially draws her in – we know from 6x06 that that is why Jo initially hired her. With Jo, I think Kate finds a kindred spirit (plus, who are we kidding, Kelly is bloody beautiful) to whom she connects with and is drawn to. Much like Orpheus and Eurydice, who seem almost magnetised in how they are drawn to one another, I think there are definitely some parallels in how Kate and Jo are drawn to one another and the chemistry they share, despite coming from very opposing backgrounds (Jo as the coerced daughter of an OCG boss, forced to do their bidding in secret VS one of the most dedicated (ex-)anticorruption officers)

Orpheus and Eurydice decide to marry, and have a brief moment of wedded bliss before everything goes downhill. Whilst I’d love a flemson wedding, I can’t see that in the near future, nor is it relevant for the parallels being drawn – I would instead draw attention to their Frederico’s date, the intimacy shared there, and the proposed weekend date, where they existed in a bit of a honeymoon state of excitement surrounding this somewhat illicit close connection.

Of course, this can’t last. Aristaeus’ love for Eurydice, and jealousy of Orpheus, drives him to chase the pair down, intending to kill Orpheus and take Eurydice for his own. Aristaeus is more of a metaphor for the OCG controlling Jo, rather than any one individual – by Jo getting close to Kate, it threatens the OCG’s concealment, and thus Kate must be eliminated so they can regain control over Jo. As Eurydice and Orpheus run to escape the OCG, a clear parallel could be drawn with the man-hunt of 6x06.

Eurydice stumbles and falls, and as Orpheus turns he sees she has been bitten by a deadly viper, and has died. Whilst Jo does not literally die at this point in the story, her imprisonment could represent a metaphorical death – she is no longer able to act freely alongside Kate, her relationship with Kate is irrevocably changed after the whole murder attempt fiasco, and Kate will struggle to get through to Jo even more than before now she is in jail – and, as the viewers are well aware, in the jail with the two dodgy prison officers who pose a clear threat to her.

At this point, Orpheus, driven by grief, appeals to his father, the God Apollo, to permit him to go to the underworld and seek his wife from Hades, in a somewhat hair-brained but brilliant scheme. We are yet to see this play out in 6x07, but the trailer appears to suggest some kind of attempt to get Jo out of prison, for which AC-12 become involved – specifically, Kate. I anticipate that, despite the murder attempt, Kate will be deeply affected by Jo’s imprisonment, and likely will be part of the driving force to prove she isn’t bent – like she has been, all series, in spite of all the proof staring her in the face. I imagine Kate will be prepared to put herself in a dangerous position within this, fully aware of the Lakewell incident, to help save Jo – and I wouldn’t be surprised if she is the one to suggest or somehow initiate this operation. The crazy part of it comes from the fact they are well aware of what happened to Lakewell, and are likely having to develop some sort of crazy plan to try and get around that – quite possibly, intentionally drawing out the OCG in the process.

Orpheus approaches Hades, asking for entry into the underworld, for which he receives no challenges. When he approaches Hades and Persephone, he sings to them of his desire for Eurydice to be returned to them, and convinces Hades to return Eurydice. However, there is a condition – he must walk back towards the world of the living, and she must follow him, and he cannot look back, or else she will be trapped in the underworld forever and he will be unable to reach her. Essentially, Orpheus must trust that Eurydice will be following behind him, will have chosen to return with him to the land of the living. Eurydice is demonstrating her faith in him by allowing him to lead her out of the underworld. This aspect of the story is highly speculative, as 6x07 is currently yet to air – but Kate has to place some trust in Jo, that she will follow through with their plan, that she won’t betray her again. Jo had demonstrated some basis for being trusted, with placing her prints on Kate’s gun and taking the fall for her in. 6x06, but now it is imperative that Kate trusts Jo to follow through – likely on providing information – so Kate can free her from her past OCG ties, hopefully in some kind of witness protection as opposed to jail.

But the story of Orpheus and Eurydice is a tragic love story. Orpheus, having reached the light himself, turns to look upon his wife. In doing so, he seals her fate – she is trapped in the underworld forever. How this translates to the story of Kate/Jo is unclear, but my speculation is that there is some incident where Kate’s trust in Jo briefly falters, which ultimately proves fatal to Jo – and it will turn out, Jo WAS trustworthy all along, but Kate’s hesitancy to believe in Jo (understandably so) was the tragic flaw in their relationship, particularly as up to that point they had implicitly trusted one another. Orpheus has a brief moment where he sees Eurydice before she is returned to the underworld – for Kate and Jo, I imagine this will be a moment of “I was never pretending” style confessions before Jo’s tragic end.

Orpheus is heart-broken by the incident, losing the joy that had previously characterised his music. Kate’s music, in this case, is her faith within the anticorruption cause. Whilst I don’t think she will lose it entirely, I think she will become a lot more cynical and unconvinced regarding its success, particularly as they were so close to saving Jo before they lost her, to what in Kate’s eyes was her own struggles with trusting Jo would follow her into the light (ie. freedom from the OCG). But Jo was following her the whole time.

The comparison between Jo/Kate and Orpheus/Eurydice highlight how Jo/Kate’s story, at its heart, is a tragic love story – obviously, dependent on the outcome of 6x07, which could render this completely obsolete. But I just thought the parallels were really interesting, and I would love to hear others thoughts on this. (I will say, my initial post of this was much more in depth, but tumblr decided to delete it, so I rewrote it from memory as best I could). Obviously, it is entirely possible this is all coincidental, and that I am just simply drawing from my love for Hadestown and projecting it upon one of my other favourite shows. However, if Jed DID intend to have some loose parallels, that is really interesting and very telling to how Jo/Kate’s relationship was intended to be perceived. Plus, it’s pretty fucking poetic too.

Anyway, I would LOVE to hear your thoughts on this, so please let me know! I apologise if this reads as rushed or messy or anything, it was just an idea bouncing in my head this morning, and I really wanted to see what people thought!

[alwaysmychoices]

Jealousy & Pasta

Synopsis: After a long day at work, Charlie and Ethan are ready to go home, make dinner, and finally have a date night, if Charlie’s jealousy of the new intern won’t get in their way.

Chapter 14 of the “with and without” series

Previous Series: “a weekend with dr. ramsey”

Pairing: Dr. Ethan Ramsey x MC (Charlotte “Charlie” Greene)

Words: 4.7k

Rating: T (suggestive language at the end)

Charlie was staring.

She couldn’t stop, no matter how hard she tried.

She came to the nurse’s station to find a quiet place where she could finish her paperwork for the night, but the paperwork quickly fell to the wayside.

She was watching Ethan – or rather, she was watching Ethan interact with her.

Ethan was working with Ava Silva, the new star intern. About half an hour ago, Ava found Ethan in his office, waiting for Charlie to finish for the night so that they could go back to his apartment and make dinner. When she presented Ethan with her patient, he was intrigued enough to join her on the case, and Ava did something to impress him. He didn’t watch Ava like he watched the other interns, like he was studying every moment for a sign of a mistake. He looked… pleased. Maybe even a little proud.

Ethan Ramsey was unusually agreeable, and that intern was standing unusually close to him.

Until tonight, Charlie flattered herself as being the only intern Ethan Ramsey regarded like that, but now that specialness felt mundane. Had his approval really been so miraculous, or was Charlie just hoping it was?

Charlie felt ridiculous as she watched the two of them. She knew it meant nothing. She knew that, once he finished in that patient’s room, he would take Charlie home. Yet, something eerily resembling doubt left her feeling unnerved and – dare she say – jealous.

So, she kept staring.

“You and Ramsey, huh?” Esme’s voice startled Charlie. With an expression that could only be described as pure horror, Charlie looked to her intern, hoping for a clue that she’d misheard Esme and hadn’t been caught.

Esme’s smirk dashed those hopes immediately.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Charlie’s voice wavered, making her lie even less believable. She gripped her pen tighter and cast a glance down to her unfinished paperwork as if trying to belatedly establish an alibi.

For all her attempts to hide, she was only making it more obvious.

Esme cocked her eyebrow, looking surprised by Charlie’s audacious lie.

“So, you just stare at everyone then?” Esme challenged, casting a meaningful look in Ethan’s direction. Charlie didn’t bother lying this time, which relieved Esme. For the last ten minutes, Esme passively watched Charlie, waiting for her concentration to break. When it didn’t, Esme cemented her long-held suspicions about the two colleagues.

“I’ve just never seen Dr. Ramsey get along that well with anyone, especially an intern,” Charlie shrugged, forcing herself to look at Esme and not Ethan, “I was just curious.”

“He gets along that well with you,” Esme countered, turning her gaze back to her paperwork as she scribbled a signature. She didn’t intend to let Charlie explain it away, and Charlie grimaced.

“It just seems like that now,” Charlie shrugged, “He hated me when I first started here.”

“I highly doubt Dr. Ramsey has ever hated you,” Esme mumbled, checking a box and signing a corresponding signature.

“He did,” Charlie asserted less confidently. Had he ever hated her? Certainly, he had insulted her, and more than once, his criticism had driven her to drink and complain after work. But had he ever hated her? Or were his expectations just high?

Or… had he always liked her? Had he just been an asshole to keep his distance?

Charlie felt less sure than ever, but she tried to keep her uncertainty off her face.

Esme paused for a moment, looking between Charlie and Ethan and Ava. She mulled it over and finally decided to ease Charlie by saying, “Well, even if he hated you then, you shouldn’t worry now. He doesn’t look at anyone else like he looks at you.”

Charlie blushed, which was all the confirmation Esme needed, but she allowed Charlie to deny it anyway. Truthfully, Charlie didn’t want to deny it anymore. She wanted to ask Esme a thousand questions. How long had she known? Were they obvious? Did he really seem to like her that much?

She longed for Esme to resolve all the timid doubts that came with a new relationship, especially because she couldn’t ask her friends to do so.

Their secret relationship was just two weeks old, and though Charlie felt secure in Ethan’s affection and her own decision to pursue a relationship, she couldn’t deny the series of small insecurities that sprouted under the secrecy. Without any outside opinions, she was left to interpret everything herself, and her own tendency to doubt had no one else to counter it.

“I think you’re just reading into it too much,” Charlie decided innocently, purposefully keeping her eyes off Ethan as she looked down to her paperwork.

“Maybe,” Esme shrugged, “For all I know, you two aren’t together.”

Charlie let out an inaudible sigh of relief.

“But,” Esme continued, knocking Charlie’s victory, “something is there. When I got here, you two couldn’t be in the same room. Now, I rarely see you apart. So, whatever it is, you two are certainly back on now, whatever that means for you.”

Charlie's expression went slack. She had nothing to counter that with, so instead of stumbling through an explanation, she just stared with dismay.

Just then, Ethan and Ava concluded their examination of the patient, and together, they exited the room. The spoke briefly to confirm the diagnosis and next steps. The entire time, Ava stood just an inch too close. Though he may not have looked at her with anything other than professional approval, there was undoubtedly a glimmer in her eye. Oblivious, Ethan affirmed that he would check on the patient in the morning, and when he left, Ava’s eyes followed him.

Charlie saw the whole thing out of the corner of her eye, and her stomach lurched.

Ethan saw Charlie immediately, and in the split second before he noted Esme beside her, his face broke out in a warm, wonderful smile. It disappeared when he realized they weren’t alone. Startled, he tried to twist his face into something normal, and instinctively, he cleared his throat and tightened his jaw.

He looked imposing. Maybe even intimidating.

But still happy.

To Charlie’s chagrin, Esme was always observant, and now, she had no doubt. She knew what they were doing, even if she lacked the details. Fortunately for both of them, she had no interest in stirring up hospital gossip. She liked Charlie, and that was enough for Esme to feel sworn to protect her. Besides, Esme felt like she owed Charlie for defending her encounter with Dr. Thorne.

“Good luck,” Esme whispered meaningfully to Charlie, and before Charlie could stammer out a final denial, Esme collected her paperwork and left the nurses station.

Charlie had only a few seconds before Ethan replaced Esme by her side. It wasn’t enough time to wrap her head around the conversation, nor her jealousy. She hardly knew what to say to him and was relieved when he spoke first.

“Are you almost done for the night?” Ethan nodded towards the paperwork in front of Charlie. He could see several blank spaces, but he hoped it was near completion. He had looked forward to taking her home all day.

“Nearly, maybe fifteen minutes left,” Charlie confessed sheepishly. She should have been done by now, but her envious stares and awkward conversations cost her time. She was cutting into their date night, a rarity given their schedule and secrecy.

She wished they could have just left anyway. She was happy to drop everything just to shed her jealousy and insecurities. She was eager to adore him without fearing unknown eyes and to get back to the basics of this relationship – the parts where they were happy, not anxious.

Ethan, casting a casual glance in both directions, made sure that no one was watching before he leaned closer, squeezing her hand and smiling softly, “Meet you in the garage in 20 minutes then?”

Charlie instinctively melted into the intimate warmth of the moment, and just for now, she forgot about Ava and Esme and secrets. Squeezing his hand back, she whispered, “You’re willing to be seen with me in the garage? How scandalous.”

“I think we’ll survive it,” Ethan shook his head softly, amused by her dramatization, “Besides, I’ve missed you today.”

“It’s your fault for not giving me any cases.”

Other than the brief diagnostics meeting to discuss the senator, they hadn’t interacted, save for fleeting glances and small talk in an elevator.

“I apologize for not overworking you, Charlotte,” Ethan tried to sound stern, but it came it just as love-drunk as everything else.

Giving up, Ethan squeezed Charlie’s hand one more time and commanded, “Now, finish your work so we can go home.”

“Fine,” Charlie teasingly grumbled, watching as Ethan gave her a warning glance and retreated to his office.

With the offer of homemade pasta and a night with Ethan Ramsey, Charlie worked much faster. Charlie powered through the material as fast as she could while staying thorough, and soon enough, the paperwork was completed and submitted. Eager to get to the garage, Charlie took off for the locker room to collect her stuff.

The room was empty except for the back corner, where a handful of interns crowded around a locker. They were talking loud enough that, if Charlie had been interested, she could have heard it all. But because she was far more concerned with quickly changing and meeting Ethan, she ignored them and focused her energy on shimmying into her jeans.

That was until one of them said Ethan’s name.

“I can’t believe you just spent thirty minutes with Ethan Ramsey,” one of them exclaimed, sounding overjoyed for her friend.

“And he said she did a ‘good job.’ I didn’t even know he knew how to compliment people,” another chimed in.

Charlie’s skin prickled with horror. She wanted to stop listening, button her shirt, and have a lovely night with Ethan. But she felt frozen, unable to escape the conversation.

“Stop, you guys! It wasn’t that big of a deal!”

This time, Charlie recognized the voice. It was Ava.

Fuck.

With her back the group, Charlie continued to eavesdrop.

“Please, if Bryce Lahela ever told me I did a good job, I would offer to marry him on the spot,” the first girl asserted confidently.

If they hadn’t been talking about Ethan, Charlie would have laughed and told Bryce the next day, but they were talking about Ethan. So, Charlie hardly registered it.

“Guys, shut up,” Ava hissed at her friends, suddenly swatting at her friends to stop talking. Charlie had a hunch for why Ava shut down the conversation, and to test her theory, she cast a casual glance in their direction.

All three women were staring at her, with Ava in the middle looking particularly mortified.

Equally embarrassed, Charlie looked back to her locker. She was now determined to leave as quickly as possible and put the entire encounter behind her. Maybe she would joke about it with Ethan at dinner. Or maybe she would quietly mull on it for days. Either way, she needed to leave.

Charlie finished buttoning her shirt, and after shoving her belongings in her canvas tote, she was ready to get the hell out of there.

“You’re Charlie Greene, right?” Ava asked just before Charlie could make it to the door, forcing her to stop in her tracks.

Great.

Now, she had to talk to her.

“Yeah, I am,” Charlie affirmed, not offering any more information. She didn’t want to make this conversation longer than necessary.

This was the woman who had just flirted with her boyfriend and bragged about it with her friends. Was she wrong for instinctively hating her?

“So, you work with Dr. Ramsey, then?” Ava inquired. On either side, her friends squirmed and evaded eye contact. Perhaps they expected a lecture about professionalism. Perhaps she should have given them one.

But when you’re secretly dating your boss, can you really yell at someone else about staying professional?

“I’m on the diagnostics team, yes,” Charlie corrected. She didn’t enjoy framing her accomplishments through a man, even if it was her favorite man. She earned her spot on that team, and even if she frequently felt out of her league in their meetings, she deserved recognition for standing on her own.

“Right,” Ava swallowed, “I’m actually a big fan.”

Oh.

Charlie squirmed, and something strange stirred in her belly. The instant hatred felt weak and perhaps even misplaced. Was it Ava’s fault for being attracted to Ethan? Almost everyone was. Even patients tried to sneak their number in his pocket when he wasn’t looking.

Now, Charlie looked directly at her, and she was struck by their similarities. Physically, they were different of course. Ava was shorter, yet leaner and more muscular than Charlie. Her hair was much darker, as were her brown eyes. Her skin was nice and tan, a stark contrast to Charlie’s perpetually pale body that burned if untreated with sunscreen. Yet, there was something similar in their posture and expression. They were both dedicated and hungry. They were both, at some time, the star intern, and they both earned Ethan’s approval.

And that was what flared Charlie’s jealousy.

They were so similar that, no matter how much Charlie reminded herself of Ethan’s affection, she worried that she wasn’t really special.

And if she wasn’t special, would Ethan still be so enthralled?

“I’m sorry about, um, before. We were just joking around,” Ava explained, her voice shaking from fear. She dreaded the idea of her words making their way back to Ethan. “You know how it is.”

Charlie did understand how it was.

And thus, Charlie decided she didn’t hate Ava.

She was just another girl to whisper about her crush in a locker room. Charlie wasn’t angry at her. She was angry that she couldn’t publicly claim Ethan as her own.

“It’s okay. It happens,” Charlie shrugged and watched as Ava let out a sigh of relief.

Tentatively, one of Ava’s friends asked, “So you know Dr. Ramsey pretty well then?”

“I do,” Charlie confirmed.

The girl seemed to deliberately consider her next question, wondering how best to take advantage of this opportunity. Charlie decided to indulge her but only her. She had pasta and Ethan to get to.

“So, is he… dating anyone?”

Charlie was shocked by the question, and she realized that the Ethan these women knew was a very different man than the one Charlie knew. Their Ethan was fiction, an assortment of assumptions and experiences morphed into one gorgeous but grumpy figure. He was easy to fall in love with, but it was even easier to fall out of love when he failed to live up to expectations.

But Charlie’s Ethan was real. He was handsome and guarded, and he struggled to express his feelings, even when they threatened to overflow. For him, Charlie stumbled in and out of entanglements, recklessly tearing apart her life in the name of forgetting him. Together, they had smiled and cried and laughed and screamed. They ran away so many times, to so many places. Yet, just for the chance to say she adored him, she ran through the rain and stood on his doorstep, braced for rejection.

After a beat, Charlie decided to answer honestly, “He doesn’t talk about his personal life, but I’m pretty sure he’s dating someone.”

The three women blinked in surprise.

Charlie had been risky enough with that answer that she didn’t dare stay for follow-up questions. Bidding them all goodnight, she locked her stuff up and made a beeline for the garage.

The entire walk, she tried to put her thoughts together, but so much had happened that they were all jumbled.

She was jealous, insecure, and disappointed, but she also felt remarkably safe and known – and happy.

All the more so when she saw Ethan in his car.

He was waiting for her, his Charlie.

“That was longer than 15 minutes,” Ethan greeted her as she climbed into his passenger seat. Despite his complaint, he was smiling wide enough for her to know that her presence was appreciated.

“Interns stopped me in the locker room,” Charlie explained as she buckled her seat belt. Ethan pulled the car in reverse, and with his arm behind her headrest, she caught her first, unreserved glimpse of Ethan that day. It was enough to remind her why he was worth running through the rain.

“It’s starting. One day, you will dislike them just as much as I do,” Ethan gloated. Once out of the parking space, he easily navigated the near-empty parking garage. Feeling safe in the solitude, he found Charlie’s hand in the passenger seat and tangled his fingers in hers.

He was surprised by how much he enjoyed holding her hand. He had never been particularly fond of it in past relationships, nor was he partial to most physical displays of affection. But there was something different about holding Charlie’s hand. He felt a constant craving to be near her, one he couldn’t always satisfy. Holding her hand felt reassuring that she was still there and still willing to take on the inconveniences and burdens of dating him.

Part of Ethan kept waiting for Charlie to come to her senses and run away. When he was touching her, he could silence those thoughts.

“I don’t think the medical community could handle two of you, Ethan,” Charlie squeezed his hand softly as they exited the garage.

“I’m not sure the medical community can handle one of me, to be frank,” Ethan thought aloud, and he noted Charlie’s grin out of the corner of his eye.

The drive was largely uneventful after that. Occasionally, he had to return his hands to the wheel to manage Boston traffic, but once the streets settled down, he found himself touching her again. They were comfortable in the car’s silence, and they were equally intrigued by the occasional quip or comment on the road.

It was comfortable.

It was… natural. Like their steps were in sync as they walked Ethan’s hallway. Like Ethan knew when to press the elevator button and Charlie knew exactly where to be. Like Charlie knew to lean against his shoulder and he knew to kiss the top of her head.

It was right.

As soon as Ethan opened his front door, Jenner joined the happy pair. He leaped from his comfortable bed in the living room and sprinted towards them. Jenner made a general acknowledgment of Ethan, but he lost all interest in his master when he noticed Charlie. The dog’s whole body wiggled as he jumped into Charlie’s open arms. He showered her face in adoring kisses, and likewise, she rewarded him with head scratches and a stream of compliments.

Ethan watched from the doorway with a mix of adoration, amusement, and frustration.

It was arguably the cutest thing he had ever seen, but after a long day away from Charlie, he now had another competitor for her attention.

“He likes you more than me,” Ethan commented, stepping into his apartment and dropping his keys in on the nearby table. He didn’t interrupt Jenner and Charlie, and when they were ready, they joined him in the apartment, Charlie walking with Jenner following on her heels.

Charlie found Ethan in the kitchen, rolling up his sleeves as he assembled the necessary ingredients on his kitchen island. He had been saving this recipe for a night that Charlie could help him make it, and he beckoned her to his side.

Charlie obliged, stopping only to wash her hands. But when she stood that close to him, she could think of a million things she’d rather do than make pasta.

“What do you need from me?”

“If you can mince the garlic, I’ll start the pasta,” Ethan decided, placing his hand on her side to pull her closer to him, and he kissed her temple, “Then, you can make the sauce, and I’ll make the seafood.”

“Seafood?” Charlie clarified, peaking through the ingredients to find clams, shrimp, and scallops. She stared at the pile of food with unfamiliarity. She never did this much for a casual, weeknight dinner. Truthfully, she was a bit intimidated that Ethan did.

“What?” Ethan asked, noting her stare, “Charlotte, are you allergic and neglected to tell me?”

“No, no,” Charlie clarified quickly, “I’m just…” she motioned vaguely to the kitchen island, “I’m just amazed you put this much effort into a weeknight.”

Ethan eyed her suspiciously and, after a beat, he said, “I have a feeling that, if I press you on that, I will be very disappointed in your habits.”

“Probably,” Charlie conceded, smiling softly as she watched him shake his head in preemptive disappointment. He squeezed her side and then pointed to the garlic.

“Mince,” Ethan commanded, trying to get himself back on track. Charlie made a show of rolling her eyes, but she happily crushed, sliced, and chopped garlic until she had a suitable product to give to Ethan.

Next, he tasked her with blending the tomatoes and let her freely spice the mixture, taking the risk she would lean into her affinity for heat. He sautéed the garlic in olive oil and added the seafood. When she delivered her sauce to add to the pan, she hummed, and Ethan smirked as the tune got stuck in his head. He watched the pasta and the sauce, but he also watched her dice peppers and gently sway to the song she sang.

When she turned around to add the peppers to the mixture, she was startled to find that he was watching her.

“Are you staring at me, Dr. Ramsey?” she asked, standing right beside him as she dropped the peppers into the pan.

“Yes.”

Charlie beamed as he leaned down to kiss her softly, his hand resting comfortably on her hip. With his head ducked, he felt like the perfect height for her to wrap her arms around his neck. Of course, there wasn’t much about him that didn’t feel perfect right now.

Ethan only pulled away when dinner demanded their attention. Nearing the end of the recipe, Charlie wasn’t much needed in the kitchen. So, she got out plates, and under Ethan’s instruction, she poured two glasses of wine. She poured more in her glass, just so she could sit at the island and drink wine as she watched him assemble the final stage of the recipe.

He plated the pasta and, wine in hand, he led her to the balcony so they could enjoy one of the last warm nights of the season.

And they did enjoy it.

Naturally, the pasta was delicious. Ethan had never cooked anything bad, as far as Charlie was concerned, and he was confident that her assistance made it that much better. Of course, he may have just been distracted by the view. While Charlie looked out over the Boston cityscape, he was more than satisfied to admire her alone. They talked about work for a while, but quickly, the conversation diverged to something more intimate and playful. Despite having met a year before, they were still getting to know each other, and effortlessly, they dipped into past relationships and all of the humorous stories associated with them.

Charlie's list of previous partners was short, with only a few meaningful names. She had been too focused on her career to develop a serious relationship, save for one or two, but she had plenty of funny anecdotes. Ethan’s list was longer but with far fewer meaningful names. He didn’t broach the most meaningful ones because their stories were too sad and too much time had passed for the discussion to feel necessary. He did, however, tell a very embarrassing story from his middle school dance that made Charlie lose her breath laughing.

Maybe it was the honesty of the moment, or maybe Charlie was just inspired to hear how jealous little Ethan had been of that popular boy and his 7th grade date. Whatever it was, Charlie said something she didn’t intend to say.

“You know, today, I overheard someone talking about their crush on you,” Charlie announced. She said it so casually that Ethan missed the underlying jealousy and self-doubt, so he chuckled.

“When?”

“At work,” Charlie didn’t betray Ava by saying it was her. Even if Ava wanted her boyfriend, Charlie didn’t feel justified in exposing her to her boss.

Ethan laughed and shrugged it off, taking a sip of wine like the whole thing was just another funny story.

It could have been. She could have left it there.

But squirming in her patio chair, she added, “I… I might have been a little jealous.”

Ethan’s face fell just a bit, like he was unexpectedly sobering up and becoming present in the moment. And, as he studied Charlie, he was suddenly aware of how meaningful this might be.

“You were?” He was shocked. Had she not seemed so serious, he surely would have thought this a joke. He had been jealous, of course, but that was before. Now, could she doubt him?

“I mean, she was very pretty,” Charlie was eager to justify her jealousy with all but the truth.

Ethan’s expression didn’t soften. If anything, it was increasingly somber and concerned. The sight made Charlie squirm even more. She’d said something real, and she couldn’t hide from it now.

“Do you doubt me, Charlie?”

Hurt.

Ethan’s hurt.

She didn’t mean for that to happen.

“No,” Charlie answered quickly – maybe too quickly because, when faced with saying anything else, nothing came to mind.

Ethan waited, but he didn’t feel less injured.

He thought, once they risked everything and promised to make this work, that everything could stay perfect. Yet Charlie was jealous. And he didn’t really understand why. He couldn’t imagine being anywhere else but here, with her.

“I’m a little...” Charlie stumbled to untangle days’ worth of messy, uncomfortable thoughts, so she stammered, “I love this. I really do. I am so, so happy that we’re here, but… I’m still a little insecure in all of it. I know we’re together, I do. But nobody else does. Secrecy is tricky, and it’s just…”

Charlie felt like there was an explanation out there, a perfect combination of words that would make sense of everything, but if they existed, she couldn’t find them.

“I’m so happy, and I think I’m afraid of messing it up somehow,” Charlie settled on this answer. It didn’t encompass everything, and something was surely missing. But it had to be enough for now, “And I wish I could just say you’re mine.”

Ethan sat in the wake of her speech, its weight sitting on him thoughtfully.

He wanted to erase all of it. He wanted to free her from insecurities and doubts. He wanted to give them both the happy ending they deserved after their bitter ups and downs.

But there was a bitter truth to swallow. Happy endings were just the beginning of something that could easily turn messy and painful, and they were responsible for maintaining happiness, even if it meant uncomfortable conversations.

“Charlie, I’m yours, secret or not,” Ethan, though shocked that he had so say it at all, meant it, and Charlie knew it. He stood, crossing the small distance be next to her. In the dim light, he found her hand and squeezed it, reassuring them both.

“Even when I’m not special?” Charlie laughed at the end of the question, framing it like a joke, but the laugh was hollow. And it was never a joke.

“You’re always special, Charlie,” Ethan kissed between Charlie’s eyebrows, where worry creased her skin.

“You’re not just infatuated with the star intern?”

“There have been many star interns,” Ethan consoled her, “I’ve only run away to the Amazon for one.”

Charlie chuckled, the light coming back into her face as she teased (for real, this time), “I thought you were just dramatic.”

Ethan laughed – for real, as well.

And they were okay. They were.

Ethan picked up the bottle of wine, which they’d nearly drained, “What do you say to another bottle?”

“It depends. What’s your policy on wine in bed?”

Ethan had a mischievous smile as he disappeared into the apartment to retrieve more wine, which they would hopefully share from the comforts of his king-size bed soon. Sitting on the balcony, content and waiting for him, Charlie struck with the realization that this was the happiest she’d ever been in a relationship.

As he walked back to her, she found a star, and focusing all her hope, she asked it to let them stay like this forever.  

I’m kinda iffy on if I like this chapter, but here it is anyway. 

Also, if you’re interested in making the recipe mentioned, here it is: https://rasamalaysia.com/seafood-pasta/ 

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[gotmeringinghellsbells]

Nervous Confessions

Fandom: Pokemon

Characters: Piers/Raihan

A/N: Probably a little ooc, but I’m out of practice for writing and want to pick it up again. A potential start to my au for these boys but yeah. Enjoy!

Summary: Raihan has a confession to tell Piers that could threaten their relationship.

Warning(?): Talk of sexuality and romance terribly explained by yours truly because..... emotions? Yeah um.... hi I’m a single, ace being. If curious about some of the mentioned sexualities and romantic identifications please look up meanings for yourself. 

_____

With summer approaching, a new season was about to beginning. Spirits were high, children from across Galar already selected and fitted for their official uniforms. Stakes were high and excitement was booming. The energy within Motostoke stadium was almost intoxicating, dizzying a familiar goth as he stood in one of the many entry ways down to the bleachers. 

Piers held the door frame to steady himself as he gazed upon the crowd. It was amazing what could change in four years. Leon stood proudly, presenting the Galar league to the children participating and the audience; despite the whole region knowing their names. 

Milo, Nessa, Kabu, Allister, Bea, Bede, Melony, Gordie, his own sister; he paused when he caught sight of Marnie. She looked so happy, smiling ear to ear as she held Morpeko in her arms. The two of them were waving to the roaring crowd, only to be pulled into another gym leader. Piers rolled his eyes as Raihan snagged her for a quick selfie with all the trainers in the background. 

There were just some things time didn’t change.

Standing to the side of the stadium, Piers let out a smokey sigh as he exhaled from his previously inhaled drag. His cigarette glowed brightly before he gave it a flick, sending the newly born phoenix to an ashy grave by his feet for the wind to blow away. “There you are,” a familiar voice boomed. Icy, blue eyes glanced up from their daze as tacky shoes appeared before him. “‘Bout time,” Peris sighed softly as he clipped the burning stick of paper and tobacco. Raihan made a face at the smell but approached the other none-the-less. “Ah, sorry to keep you waiting, love. Wanted to see how Leon was doing and take a quick selfie with Sword. She’s getting so big,” he stated like an aging parent. 

“Marnie too,” Piers hummed as he stood up and tried to crack his neck a bit. Raihan laughed a bit. “How long ‘til she’s your height now?” Piers paused after a soft crack was heard before shooting him a glare. “Ah, I’m just Joshin’ ya.” The taller finally latched his arms around the smaller and nuzzled into the messily bunned hair. “How was work,” Raihan asked as he continued to hold his partner of three years. “Took the day off to catch up with all the excitement,” Piers hummed as he nuzzled into the other’s scent. 

A bit musty from sweat that had cooled over the course of the day mixed with some of his favorite smelling cologne. It was soothing, comforting. “Ah, really? I’ve been trying to get you to break for months now but this is what gets your head outta that song book?” Peris shot him a glare from his chest; which from Raihan’s perspective just looked like a puppy pout. Before either the gym leader or musician could say anything, there was a low grumble heard from between the two. Raihan blushed a bit as Piers’ glare broke into a small smile. “Dinner,” Piers asked. 

“Walk and dine,” Raihan added to the offer. “It’s a gorgeous night.” Piers hummed. “Yeah, but the palace will probably be crawling with eager trainers.” Raihan hummed. “Alright, how about over by Hammerlocke, yeah? Kids can’t get in without all three gym badges and right now, the pokemon over there are probably too intense, right?” Piers gave a small nod after a moment of thought. “Well, let’s go then,” he said softly, attempting to lead the other off; but to no avail. “Actually, I was thinking we call a cab and enjoy the night sky from above before hitting it from below?” Piers gave a small nod of agreement as a small breeze caused him to move a bit closer as Raihan tinkered away with his phone to alert a flying taxi of their location for a pick up. 

The taller man merely pulled his lover in a bit closer before submitting the request and quickly striking a pose for a date-night selfie. It irked Piers, but he just hid his face in the other. His face was all over Raihan’s Pokegram, so what if he ducked away this time? Raihan clearly didn’t care. He never forced Piers to smile or pose anymore, just would take a bunch of pictures and post the most flattering of the two of them. 

“Date night with a babe,” Raihan said softly as he typed. “Don’t you dare,” Piers protested, only to squeak from a small squeeze to his side. Turning to look at the offending touch’s origin, Raihan’s hand merely rested against his side once more. He turned with a pout towards the other before gently, but firmly jabbing him in the ribs. Raihan jolted slightly before smirking. “Is that a challenge?” Oh hell no. “Not in public,” Piers hissed as he put his hands up as Raihan moved to pounce for the kill. The panic was soon killed as wind came crashing down on the two of them, a cab landing behind Piers. Looking up, the two were greeted with a friendly smile and wave. “Gym leader! Piers as well. Are you both looking for a ride,” the pleasant taxi driver asked. Piers blushed a bit and started to fiddle with his bangs, social anxiety getting to him. 

Raihan wrapped an arm around him with a thumbs up and a wink. “Yep! Taking the Mr. here on a nice date night. Any chance you could help with that?” Piers gently smacked at Raihan’s stomach. He was so open about everything! Raihan merely laughed as the cab driver hopped down to get the door. “Absolutely. It’s a beautiful night tonight. Where are you two looking to go?” “Eh, just over to Hammerlocke. But maybe, you could give a bit more of a scenic route?” Piers blushed a bit more, leaning more into the hold. “Why are you doing this,” he hissed out. “I said it was a special date night, right? Come on babe, you love looking at stars! “ He wasn’t wrong. 

With darkened cheeks and his head down, Piers headed for the cab. A hand was offered to help him up that he took hesitantly. “Thank you,” he uttered to the sweet older man who merely gave him a wink before seeing Raihan in. Shutting the door behind them, he looked back to the ordering customer. “Scenic route back to Hammerlocke, yeah? How about just a nice scenic route over Galar?” Raihan smiled. “Yeah, that would be awesome!” Piers merely leaned into his shoulder, moving his arm away from his side to get closer. “Alrighty then. You boys take it easy now. Corviknight and I’ll show you two the sites.” With that, he climbed back onto his pokemon leaving the couple be. 

As he departed, Raihan looked over the male snuggled into his side and merely held him closer with a smile. His stomach churned and heart tugged as his mind reminded him the point of all this. This was becoming a serious relationship. They were three years in to it, four years into a strong friendship. Both were built off of emotional trust and openness. He felt guilty hiding something like this from Piers but was scared of the outcome it would bring. “How was your day,” Piers asked sleepily as he took in the aforementioned soothing scent. “Ah, pretty dull. Not much going on besides the opening ceremony so I gave my pokemon a day to breathe.” “And your pupils?” Raihan nodded. “They had the option to train or rest today. I’ll check in with them tomorrow. It’s going to be crazy busy soon.” Piers nodded, remembering the chaos from his own gym leader days. 

“Wonder if any one will steal the crown from Sword,” he muttered. “Eh, we’ll see. Frankly, I’d like to take another crack at battling her.” Piers rolled his eyes. “Of course,” he muttered, snaking an arm around to gently hold Raihan. It was going to be quite a while before they got to do something like this again. Their only interactions would probably be rushed between making sure Marnie was taking care of herself and making sure this one was doing alright. “Hey, you don’t think I have a chance,” Raihan laughed. “No, you do. Just wish you’d ease up on your obsession with battle.” Raihan looked confused. “Huh?” Piers paused before sitting up some and shaking his head. “Ah… you just kind of go off about battling some times. Like when you tried to befriend me, all you did was keep dragging me into battles and complimenting me.” Raihan scoffed. “We hung out too!” “After said battles or because you wanted to battle me.” The taller pouted before rolling his eyes. “Fine, less battle talk and asking. Better?” Piers shook his head with a sigh. “I’m not saying it’s a bad thing,” Raihan moved closer to hold him again. 

“Just, you get a little to into battle sometimes and that’s all that seems to exist to you.” Piers gently rubbed Raihan’s cheek as the taller man nuzzled into him. “Trying to defeat Leon for ten years only to be bested by a ten-year-old really shatters a guy, ya know?” Piers paused. Oh. He hadn’t thought about it that way. “Sorry,” he said softly as he was pulled in closer. “Don’t be. I do get a bit carried away in battle, I’ll admit it. But it’s my life, you know? I’ve come so close to beating Leon so many times in mandatory battles and off hand ones, but with Sword…. Hah, she puts up a challenge.

“He’s training her into quite the champion. I’ll give him that.” Piers looked up a bit confused by the last part but didn’t question it too much. “He’s a good chairman. Glad he’s treating Sword like a real kid, not a star child.” Raihan looked at him a bit confused before laughing. “Yeah, because you and Sonia scared him shitless his first day.” What? “How did we scare him,” Piers asked sitting up some to readjust. “Huh? Don’t you remember storming up to him and telling him off?” Piers thought a moment. “I’ve told him off a few times.” “Ah, well, allow me to jog your memory,” he said rather dorkily. Story time. 

“Basically, you and Sonia jumped on him about not making the same mistakes Rose did. About letting Sword come home and be part of a functional family and remembering she’s a child….. Not a walking advertisement as you said.” Piers thought a moment before nodding. “Ah, right. Thought he’d just brush me off though. Wasn’t he seeing Sonia at the time? Thought that’s what drove the point home.” Raihan made a face. “Yeah, not yet. But no, you both scared him. They started seeing each other a few months after. They lasted maybe a year? Not sure. She’s been with Nessa ever since.” Piers blinked. Normally Raihan told him all of media and regional gossip. Had he tuned this part out?

Probably, Piers didn’t care much for gossip. “As long as she and Nessa are happy, all that matters there.” Raihan nodded. “You didn’t think it was odd I kept inviting him to hang out with us,” he then inquired. “Not really. Your said to be rare rivals and best friends, right? Or at least th4e closest he got to a friend under that whack job’s rein.” Raihan made a face before nodding. “Yeah, well, you know…. wanted him to be happy too.” This was weird. “Why are you randomly bringing this stuff up?” 

Raihan froze. Should he tell him now? Probably not a good time considering their trapped in a small cabin. Piers can’t just leave. That would be so uncool to do to him. “Hey you two, the clouds are opening up. Take a look at the sky.” Ah, the voice of his savior. Raihan let out a sigh of relief as Piers glanced out the window. Raihan leaned forward eagerly. “Sure is beautiful,” he commented. “You bet,” the kind man said back. Piers merely smiled at the sight. Raihan moved closer to the smaller as they gazed into the brightly lit sky together. 

“There’s something just so soothin’ about the stars.” Raihan nodded as he moved in to cuddle again. Piers didn’t resist. He leaned back into the affectionate touch. “Babe,” Raihan said softly. “Hm,” Piers responded. “Do you like Leon? I mean I should have asked after I brought him around year two but….. are you alright with him?” Piers made a face as he turned to look at the other. “What’s with the Leon talk? Something wrong?” Raihan quickly shook his head. “No, no. Nothing’s wrong just….. curious, you know? I know you had some mixed feelings about him as a brother to Hop and his ego and all that but after getting to know him?” Piers shrugged. “It’s not like we hang out without you. What you see, I see.” 

Raihan sighed. “But do you like what you see?” Weird wording. Piers made a face. “I… guess? He’s always pretty nice to me and the kids so yeah. He’s alright. Wish he’d stop taking the problems of the region as if they're his alone to deal with but that’s something for him to work on.” Raihan smiled a bit too wide. “What?” The tallr froze. Whoops. “Ah, nothing. Just happy to hear you do like him.” “I would have told you if I didn’t,” Piers retorted as he looked back out the window. He smiled as he looked down over Turrfeild. Milo herding the Wooloo to bed with the help of his brother and some of his pupils. 

“Probably gonna stop by Milo’s tomorrow,” Piers commented off handedly. “Yeah,” Raihan asked, dying to just rip the bandage off right now. “Yeah. Might bring him dinner. He’s the first gym leader after all. Curry should be enough for him and his pupils right?” Piers turned, seriously asking Raihan his opinion. The other nodded. “Yeah but it’s supposed to be hot tomorrow. Maybe nothing too spicy?” Piers nodded. “Thanks,” he said softly. “Yeah.”

The rest of the ride was pretty quiet, just two dorky lovers staring in pleasant silence at the sky; cuddled into each other. It had been about an hour before they finally landed, Piers nearly being asleep. Raihan smiled before draping his hoodie over the smaller’s shoulders as the door opened to the cab. Piers once more took the kind, older man’s hand as he stepped down, thanking him once more. Raihan thanked him, taking a selfie with the three to compose for the night’s date. Piers felt it was over stepping but the pilot assured them it was fine. 

Finally stopping somewhere to get dinner, Raihan spotted a familiar figure. His window of time was coming closer to an end. Leon smiled, waving to the two of them before Sword dragged him off for their hotel to share the food with their pokemon. “He’s really her big brother now,” Piers commented as they stood in the pick up line. “Huh,” Raihan asked in panic before registering the words. “Oh. Yeah,” he laughed. Piers made a face. “Your doing it again,” he grumbled. “Doing what?” “Acting weird. Can you just tell me what’s going on already?” Raihan made a face before humming. “Maybe we could head back to my place rather than take that walk?” Piers nodded, just wanting the other to be honest with him already. 

The walk back was quiet, apart from Piers thanking Raihan for his meal. Entering the familiar home, Piers set his food on the counter before moving back to the door to hang the hoodie and his coat along with removing his shoes. He was dressed in a loose, thin, simple black stank sop and loose, dark shorts to match. He crashed on Raihan’s couch, taking his food with him as the other went to check on his beloved pokemon. His own were home, enjoying their day off. He made sure to feed them before he left. 

“You can turn on the television,” Raihan said, reaching for the clicker. “I want to talk first,” Piers stated, looking at him like an upset parent. Raihan retracted his hand before sighing. “Right, right.” “What’s been bothering you all night. Did you have a fight with Leon?” Raihan shook his head. How to say this without killing their relationship. “Um…. I’ve discovered somethings about myself over the last few years.” ‘Good start’, he thought, ‘weak delivery’. “You know, as we people do. We evolve and change with time.” Piers quirked a brow. “Why are you nervously stalling?” Raihan froze before feeling his eyes start to water. “Look, just give me a tick would ya? This is scary.” Piers sat up, placing his food down to face the other. 

Not once had the idea of them breaking up crossed his mind so far, just fear of the other’s well being. They had a relationship built on emotion and openness, so if Raihan couldn’t be truthful and open with him…. he felt maybe he, himself had done something to hurt Raihan. “Is…. this about my battle comment? I’m sorry Rai, I didn’t mean it like that,” Piers started to apologize. Raihan laughed, tearing up more. “No, no. Just, give me a minute. I can do this.” Piers nodded but offered a hand to hold nonetheless. The other shyly took it, rubbing his thumb across Piers’ boney knuckles soothingly. 

“So, I know you don’t look into, like…. sexuality and romantic terms but…. there is more than like gay, pan, bi, ace and straight. Like you are romantically gay but sexually ace.” Piers gave a weird look. “Basically you are romantically, or emotionally interested in a significant other but…. you aren’t looking to have intercourse with them. Like we’ve only really done fluffy, soft stuff for the last three years and it’s been great.” Piers narrowed his eyes. “So…. is there a problem with that or?” Raihan held his hand lovingly and shook his head. “No, no, no! Just…. Okay Raihan,” he sighed to himself. “Your being super uncool. Just rip the bandage off.” Piers cocked his head before seeing more tears form.

Damn it. 

He moved closer and just held the taller. “Whatever it is, it’s nothing we can't handle. Please, just calm down.” Raihan froze. The smaller held him firmly, hovering over his lap as he nuzzled closer into his scent. “I love you no matter what you identify as, if that's the issue. Just relax. You act like you haven’t told me about more personal things like bathroom problems.” Way to kill the moment. Raihan snorted, tears coming down his face. Piers frowned before reaching up to gently wipe the away before gently kissing each eyelid. 

Darker arms wrapped around his petite torso. Piers was trapped, Raihan’s face buried into his clothed torso. “Arceus, I don’t deserve you,” he whimpered. This caught Piers off guard. He gently started toying with Raihan's dreadlocks, humming and shushing soothingly as the other cried into him. Gently, he reached his free hand from Raihan’s shoulder and moved his hand down to the of the uniform he wore. Pulling it up, he watched as the shaking skin grew slightly bumpy from the new air hitting it. He played with the dark locks of hair for a little longer before moving the hand to hold up the shirt back and gently tracing his nails up and down the taller’s back. 

Raihan jumped slightly before nuzzling into Piers more, sniffles subsiding slightly. ‘This is super uncool of you Raihan! You act like you’ve never dated before! Man up, stop crying like a Sobble and just tell him!’ He shivered from the touch before mewling slightly. ‘But what if he leaves me? What if he takes this wrong?’ “Shhhh,” Piers uttered soothingly as he dragged his nails gently up and down the spine once more. “Just relax,” he cooed. ‘Well, I’ll just have to explain it so that Piers can understand!’ Raihan’s brain was racing back and forth as his stomach churned slightly with fear. 

As the sniffles stopped and Raihan lay motionless against him, Piers sighed. He moved to lower himself down to be level with the other for a proper hug. “Rai, relax,” Piers cooed again as he nuzzled into his neck. His nails gently traced up the back for the end, kissing the skin softly. Raihan was pulled out of his thoughts as his nerves reacted to the touch. His head popped out, letting out a sequel. Piers froze in alert before looking up at the other. He then smirked before filed nails started tickling his lower sides. Raihan screamed out before shaking his head squirming helplessly. 

“Ah, P-Piers sthahahaop it!” Piers smiled moving closer to his ear, easing the touch to hold him still for just a moment. “No more tears, yeah,” he asked softly, fingers moving slowly under his shirt, walking up his sides slowly to his ribs. Raihan squeaked, nodding as his face shifted to one of a smile with excitement. His stomach churns turned slowly to butterflies as his face heated up. “B-Babe,” he giggled. “Hm,” Piers hummed softly with a small smile. “Ah, ah wait. Hey,” Raihan giggled as his hands gently moved up to hold Piers around his waist. “Okay, okay,” he whimpered before bursting into soft, broken streams of giggles. “Nhahaope,” Riahan giggled out as he collapsed into Piers’ shoulder, just giggling his head off as Piers started scratching at his lower ribs. Piers just rolled his eyes, giggling softly himself. 

“Dork,” Piers commented lovingly as he started to slowly move his nails up each rib’s bump. Raihan jumped and jolted with squeaks and yelps off and on, just holding him. “You want me to stop,” Piers asked as Raihan seemed much calmer now. “A-Ah….. Not yet,” Raihan giggled out. “Yeah? Alright. Piers stopped for a moment before sitting on the far side of the couch and patting his lap. Raihan felt his face heat up more before he slowly, sheepishly moved to place his feet on the other’s lap. Piers looked a bit surprised. “You sure?” Raihan awkwardly nodded. “Okay.” He left the socks on, gently dragging his nails up and down his soles of each foot, watching as Raihan struggled not to rip his feet back. 

He held a pillow tightly to his chest, shaking his head frantically as he dug his heels into Peris’ thighs. “Shahahit,” Raihan squealed. The smaller winced slightly before sighing. “You alright,” he asked as the harsh pressure was starting to hurt. “Y-Yeheheheah! Ah, P-Piers,” Raihan squealed as the smaller grabbed the balls of his feet and started to scratch up and down a little harsher. The free foot quickly moved off of him to kick at the air as Raihan shrieked, jerking around in his seat. “Pheheheirs! Pheheheheirs! Ok-Okay! Whahahahit! Eeek!” The other stopped quickly, smiling softly. 

“Alright?” Raihan nodded, taking his foot back, laughing slightly still as he moved away from the other. “Thanks,” Raihan muttered softly as he curled up, slightly embarrassed. Peris smiled, moving to poke at his side. “Oh? Who said I was done?” Raihan’s blue eyes widened before he curled into the arm of his couch more. “Wait? What?!” He was giggling nervously as Piers smirked at hims playfully. “You heard me.” Oh shit. No, no, no! 

Raihan squealed before he jumped up. “Okay, I’m ready to talk,” he squealed out. Oh, right. Piers sighed as he stood down, giving a nod of truce before patting the cushion next to him. Raihan nervously took a seat, still holding his cousin before leaning into the other. Piers cleared the other’s face from tears before kissing his cheek softly. “What’s going on?” The other frowned before feeling his stomach churn again and eyes start to water a bit once more. 

“So, there’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about,” he started again. “Okay,” Piers said calmly. “Do you know what like polygamy or polyamorous means?” Piers thought for a moment before slowly shaking his head. “I don’t think so? Why, what is it?” Okay, big reveal. Don’t be dumb, don’t be dumb! “I…. so I’m pansexual and romantic right? Well I’m also polyamorous.” Piers blinked. “What’s pan mean again,” he asked quietly. Raihan laughed. “Basically gender means nothing. I have no preference of genders, if I like you, I like you. Or that’s at least how I explain it.” Piers gave a nod. 

“So… polyamorous?” Raihan sighed. “I am capable of loving more than one person romantically at a time.” He watched as the life drained from Piers’ face. Quickly moving into damage control, he put his hands up. “Let me explain, let me explain! It’s not like that. I still love you! Hold on, hold on.” Piers gave him a look as if to say “get to the point”. “So there are relationships that exist that are composed of more than two people. Like a legit love circle type deal. I just… okay I don’t know how to explain this. One moment.” Piers crossed his arms and quirked a brow. “Are you…. leaving me or?” Raihan shook his head. 

“Look, I…. I don’t know how to explain this properly, so…. Hear me out,” he asked softly. Piers gave him a nod. “I’ve had a crush on Leon for…. a while.” Oh? Oh. Piers hummed, leaning forward. “So…. you wanted him to join our relationship which is why you’ve been bringing him around since him and Sonia split?” Yes and no. “I mean that wasn’t the idea but…. I can see why you’d think that but…. Yeah.” Piers sighed. “So you're asking to open the relationship or add to it?” “Add,” Raihan said, gripping the pillow tighter. He was so nervous. Piers made a face before sighing. “I don’t feel that way about Leon, and I doubt he feels that way about me but…. if you want, I don’t mind going on a date or two to just see how it goes.” Raihan gave a silent nod as he sheepishly looked over at the other. 

“Are you sure,” he asked Piers. “If your uncomfortable with this, I won’t pursue it.” Piers shrugged. “You’ve dragged him around with us often enough, it’s not much different.” He wasn’t upset, but was just trying to picture if he could develop feelings for the purple haired man. “Are you upset?” Piers shook his head. “Thinking,” Piers stated, reaching for his food off the coffee table again. “Now eat your food, it’s getting cold,” he muttered with a mouthful of food. Raihan smiled softly before receiving the clicker and moving to allow the other into his side. Piers moved close, snuggling into him as they turned on a cheesy movie to make fun of.

[cecilyneville]

the spanish princess: episode 8

“why are people watching this show if they don’t like it???”

me: 

(i mean hating on this show, not actually watching it - nothing about tsp is fun, the whole thing has been mean-spirited from beginning to end)

ruairi was good as prince henry, but as king henry? awful

“i would not come to help you” so how much more of coa being a cunt are we going to get? bc if this episode is called “peace” i assume she has to...idk...start being a bit nicer

god, fucking finally

if they want us to like catherine bc she’s finally paying attention to mary that isn’t “HMM SHE IS NOT A BOY”, they got another thing coming

catherine was horrible to everyone including her ladies and her daughter, but she’s slightly nicer now so it’s ok!!!!

“men of arran and men of hamilton” the writers have finally realised there are more families in scotland than stewart and douglas

WHY has albany kidnapped james? at first i thought it was a ruse b/w him and meg but apparently not. wouldn’t it make more sense for her to return to scotland to find that angus has kidnapped james?

it makes so much sense for ef to just ignore the fact that margaret douglas exists and keep prince alexander alive

ursula where you been all this time???

finally some semi-accurate headwear on maggie. but ONLY on maggie, not on ursula, bc if it’s anything the costuming on all three series have taught us, only old ladies cover their heads

also finally - laura carmichael is getting some decent material to work with! (relatively speaking)

bessie instructing henry fitzroy is very similar to her tudors counterpart doing the same, bc of course

comb ur fuckin hair dude

i’m not gonna lie, this latin standoff between mary & henry fitzroy is hilarious, like a 16th-century spelling bee

“there’s nothing i can give a girl” except, you know, sending her to ludlow as heirs to the throne were before her, but even that level of nuance is too confusing for fraham

“my brother is more sympathetic to her cause than he has been” this week: henry discovers the concept of divorce

“go to the king anne, smile and win his favour” yet another barely-concealed tudors ripoff

thomas more just like “maggie you’re fucked up bc your life has been so shit”

if henry is speaking about this script then he is 100% correct

oh rosa’s here! so not one but BOTH of catherine’s besties will ditch her, delicious

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, THIS IS THE MOST OBVIOUS, CLUNKY WAY TO DO IT LMAO

oh they’re going for a becket/henry ii vibe here with wolsey & henry, don’t mind this

it bothers me SO much that they keep calling maggie henry’s aunt when they never bothered to include elizabeth’s actual sisters after they put cecily on a bus (which, to be fair, was probably for the best)

i kind of recoil when people say “[insert historical figure] would be so offended by this depiction” because if someone like catherine of aragon were shown any modern depiction of herself, her head would probably explode out of confusion and horror. BUT this is so offensive to the real catherine of aragon

i would like to see laura carmichael as elizabeth of york - it’s the big brown eyes

is she doing this out of hatred for her inability to give the king a son??? what does it all MEAN emma

i mean i guess he’s hotter than angus

i know this hunting scene is supposed to reflect something from part one which i didn’t watch, but it just reminds me of the tudors s1 finale when henry and anne fucked in the woods 

also reminds me very much of the great when peter tries to drown catherine

catherine quoting deuteronomy and unwittingly confessing to consummating her marriage with arthur...CONGRATULATIONS YOU PLAYED YOURSELF

soz to sound like a broken record but the fact that people - even some actual critics - watch CH’s performance and think this is actually good acting will never not be funny to me, she’s atrocious. it’s so jarring looking at behind the scenes footage and seeing her smiling, like couldn’t you actually do this on screen? she plays catherine like the woman’s never felt happiness in her life, or any other emotion for that matter

lina’s not gonna sell catherine out and i’m so mad about it, she has treated you like SHIT for YEARS

god, she can’t even cry believingly

HELL YES MEG, DISCO INFERNO

we won’t have time to see meg’s marriage to henry stewart fail spectacularly, which is probably a good thing bc my heart would break

catherine has been absolutely VILE to lina but it’s ok bc she’s said sorry now

“i would speak with you” / “it seems you already are” LOLLLL

so funny that it’s only NOW that they’re getting french hoods of some kind, but not with actual veils because, like i said, only old dowdy matrons don’t get to show their sexy hair

WHAAAAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

i mean, i’m not surprised, given how much fraham hate anne 

“so, you’re playing anne boleyn. congrats! but you’ll only get, like, one line, and you WILL have to get your tits out”

guys she’s so upset can’t you tell

CH got a taste for holding bows on game of thrones it’s the only thing she’s good at

STELLLAAAAAA

of course meg has to actually fire the cannons rather than just train them on angus and his men, but this is very fun

surprised they didn’t point out that one of scotland’s greatest cannons was called “mons meg”

fuck this nice scene between catherine and lina! she doesn’t deserve your forgiveness lina!!!

i guess catherine’s woke levels need to be maintained by keeping her one black friend who was a slave irl

hahahaha i fucking love her

“i will always be your wife, there is nothing you can do to change that” knock knock it’s the reformation

catherine choosing to leave makes no sense for this show or for the history they’re ~supposed~ to be depicting

“you will never take my place as queen of england” KNOCK KNOCK IT’S THE REFORMATION

catherine is an old lady now so we shall signify this by giving her a gable hood

catherine she just asked if the bird was dead jesus

which it should be by now...it’s been around since like 1510??

ah yes, let’s bring back that other metaphor, the imperialism compass 

if all the disgruntled tories had their way this would be on the end credits of every episode of the crown too

and that’s all folks! let’s all be thankful that this show didn’t submit us to an absolute butchery of catherine’s blackfriars speech

[xiaq]

👀 Fic title: "Moonlight"

I mean. Obviously, there need to be wolves. So I’m thinking a Witcher fic. Except, the whole “Geralt gets turned into a white wolf” thing has been done. I think I’d subvert that trope a bit and have Jaskier, after coming down from the mountain, encounter an angry sorceress (why is she angry? does she need an excuse?). She either has beef with him or with Geralt and, despite Jaskier assuring her that he and Geralt have permanently parted ways, she curses him: to take the form of a white wolf. Only in full moonlight will he be able to regain his human form and--oh dear--it’s the full moon tonight so it looks like you’ll be stuck as a wolf for the next month before you have the ability to tell anyone you’ve been cursed, how sad.

So Jaskier is now a heartbroken wolf. He’s gangly and awkward and hungry and four legs are difficult, ok? And he can’t even sing about it (the heartache or the four-leg issue). Worst day ever. He wanders for a bit and had a very trying experience first catching and then attempting to eat a rabbit and after a week he’s pretty much submitted himself to dying of hunger when he encounters Roach. Alone. Which isn’t good. He tracks down a badly injured Geralt by the corpse of something icky shortly afterward and manages to drag Geralt's bag to him and nudge him awake enough to take some potions.

Geralt, once he gets his senses back and stumbles back to camp, is pretty confused. He knows the wolf isn’t a normal wolf, but he owes his life to it...whatever the creature is. He offers the wolf dinner and it clearly understands that invitation. So after a few days of recuperation and sharing meals, when he sets off and the wolf follows him, he...doesn’t dissuade the animal. It’s nice to have company again, actually. He doesn’t think about why that might be.

Jaskier, meanwhile, decides that he’ll stay with Geralt until the next full moon. Then he can explain the situation, and Geralt can call his BFF Yennefer and they can fix him, because Geralt owes him, okay? And then they can part ways again. Permanently, this time. It’ll be fine.

Except, Jaskier realizes, a little belatedly, that Geralt has his lute. It’s hung on Roach’s saddlebags, wrapped in some sort of tanned skin to keep it safe. Hit lute! Taking up valuable space! On Geralt’s horse! Jaskier is baffled. One, because the last time he saw his lute when the Angry Magic Lady turned him furry and he had no choice but to leave it, and the rest of his things, at his campsite near the base of the mountain. Two, because that means that Geralt must have come upon his campsite and…elected to take the lute. Which doesn’t make sense. He has questions. Which he will ask in 3 weeks when he has the ability to ask questions again.

I’m sure there are some hijinks re The White Wolf traveling with a white wolf; maybe they run into Eskel or Lambert and Geralt gets a solid ribbing for acquiring his namesake as a pet and Jaskier comes to his defense which only makes them laugh more. Except then Eskel, we’ll say it’s Eskel, asks him about his bard and he admits that they fought and by the time he got over his pride and went back to look for Jaskier, all he found was an empty campsite full of Jaskier’s things—but no Jaskier. He waited for two days before packing up the most important items like his lute and the two doublets that he knew Jaskier preferred, and now he’s on his way to find Yennefer to see if she can locate him because clearly disaster has befallen him because he wouldn’t just leave his lute.

Anyway. I’m sure you can guess what happens next because I am a sucker for the standard “usually quiet/stoic one ends up inadvertently spilling their guts about how regretful they are and the One They Have Hurt overhears their heartfelt confession/angst” trope (that’s a trope, right?). Geralt starts talking to the wolf. Telling him about Jaskier. About how he mistreated him. About how he misses him. And Jaskier all but crawls into his lap and Geralt is like, what an empathetic creature. Hm. And Jaskier is like: eye roll.

Anyway.

Either the reveal is calm and sweet: Geralt is cuddling with the wolf as the moon rises and then suddenly he’s cuddling with Jaskier who explains everything and they take full advantage of the few hours Jaskier has in human-form. Then they find Yennefer and she gets rid of the curse and they live happily ever after.

Or the reveal is Fraught With Peril: Jaskier ends up injured (by some sort of terrible beastie) just as he changes back into his human shape and they only get a few short moments to speak before he passes out. And then The White Wolf shows up to the nearest town the next morning holding an actual white wolf in his arms snarling about locating a healer who can treat the animal. And the townsfolk are completely befuddled and a little charmed to see a Big Scary Witcher (the Butcher, even!) spend the last of his coin to rent a room for a wolf and buy hearty stew for a wolf and pay a healer to come daily for a week to treat a wolf. And by the end of the week, half the town is in love with Geralt who cares so, obviously, deeply for the poor animal, and the half that isn’t in love with Geralt is in love with Jaskier because Geralt carries him to lay in front of the fire in the inn’s common room every evening and, regardless of his form, Jaskier makes friends easily.

And a bard passing through (not Valdo, thank goodness), makes a song about the bond between the White Wolf and his White Wolf that Jaskier, rather grudgingly, admits is quite good.

Eventually, he heals enough to travel and they track down Yennefer who removes the curse and Geralt uses his words like an adult to apologize propperly and they all live happily ever after. And Jaskier sometimes sings the song to Geralt because, even though it’s not one of his own, it is rather sweet.

[midnightechoes]

Daily Writing 2021: March 18th - Pride & Family part 3

Read it on AO3.

Part 1. Part 2.

Submit a prompt for me to write! (I mostly do sapphic ships, especially Catradora, Supercorp, Harlivy, Pertrapta, and Dansen)

It was an average Thursday when everything changed. Lillian had been incarcerated for almost fifteen months. Over that time she had settled into the experience, carved out a place in the hierarchy of the prison population, somewhere close to the top of course. More than that, though, she had rebuilt something with Lena. It wasn’t “fixed”, per se, she wasn’t sure if their relationship would ever truly be fixed. The pitfalls of teaming up with your son to try to kill your daughter’s best friend and enslave the world, she supposed. But it was better, and that was better than she had anticipated.

On that fateful Thursday, Lillian sat in the visitation room, a chessboard all set up. The elder Luthor could tell that something was different the moment her daughter had entered the sparsely populated visitation room. There was an entirely different energy than normal. Lillian wordlessly watched as Lena strolled over to the table looking, if Lillian didn’t know better, nervous.

“Good afternoon, mother,” Lena greeted as she took her seat across from Lillian. The elder Luthor simply sat, chin perched on her clasped hands as she regarded Lena.

“This is an early visit,” Lillian cooly remarked. “Don’t tell me you were missing me so soon.”

Despite her efforts to immediately play it off, Lena had stiffened up in her chair at Lillian’s remarks. The elder Luthor took notice but didn’t immediately say anything.

“My mother craving such base flattery? Tsk tsk,” Lena snidely shot back.

“Well played, daughter,” Lillian cooly replied. She waved at the chessboard between them. “I do believe that earns you the first turn.”

A thin smile formed on Lena’s mouth. She adjusted how she was sitting in an attempt to get comfortable on the plastic chair. For a moment, Lena just leaned her arms on the table, staring at the chessboard, her mouth slightly agape.

“Don’t breathe through your mouth, dear, it’s unbecoming,” Lillian chided.

For a moment, Lena ignored the admonishment, her hand hovering precariously over her chess pieces.

“You, mother,” the younger Luthor began, taking hold of one of her pieces and making her move, “are not going to distract me.”

“Well, game on, Lena dear.”

Despite the odd mood at the start, they settled into the usual rhythm of Lena’s visits: casual banter while they played a game of chess. They managed to maintain it for almost an hour before Lena began once again acting peculiarly. She was fidgety, distracted.

“Is there somewhere else you’d rather be?” Lillian huffed as she made a move. “If you’re not going to try for real, what’s even the point?” she asked, removing one of Lena’s pieces from the board.

Lena simply stared at Lillian for a moment, then sighed. “You’re right, I haven’t been able to focus on the game.”

“I’d still be winning just as much if you were, mind you,” Lillian smirked. It made Lena chuckle.

“It’s Kara,” Lena confessed.

There was a pointed silence between the two. Lena was staring directly at her mother, doing her best to maintain eye contact, to maintain her brave face. Lillian stared back, rolling a chess piece between her fingers, her lips pursed.

“We had an unspoken agreement,” the elder Luthor finally stated.

“I’m well aware,” Lena affirmed. The raven-haired woman sat up as straight as she could, but her soft eyes betrayed her, projecting a warmness at her mother. “Don’t get me wrong, I have enjoyed the small semblance of a relationship we’ve been able to build over the last year, but you have some blank spots in my life because of our agreement.”

“Yet that relationship only exists because of that agreement, Lena dear. I am okay with having a blank spot when it comes to how you and your best friend are getting along.”

A small smile formed on Lena’s face as she ducked her head. “That’s why I moved our visit up, though. Just this once, I need to break our agreement.” Lillian was staring at her, arms crossed, a sneer on her face. “I have to because I do want you to be a part of my life, mother.

“Don’t think of her as an ‘alien’, just think of her as someone dear to your daughter.”

Lillian made a clicking noise as she rolled her eyes. “Fine.

“Out with it.”

Despite getting permission, it took Lena another moment to collect herself.

“I am going on a weekend trip to Midvale with Kara and Alex. We’re leaving tomorrow.”

“And you want me to come with you,” Lillian snickered. “Let me just clear it with the warden. I’m sure there won’t be a problem.”

“No mother,” Lena sighed. She began fiddling with her hands as the words came slow, measured. “I wanted you to know… That if everything goes well, while we’re in Midvale, I’m going to ask Kara to marry me.” That last bit tumbled out of Lena all at once.

They both sat in stark silence. It was as if the entire room had gone silent. Lena did what she could to make eye contact with her mother, gulping once or twice while doing so. Lillian just stared at her daughter, her eyes wide, unblinking.

“See, blind spots,” Lena chuckled.

“Is this a joke?” Lillian whispered.

“No joke, mother. We’ve been officially dating for nine months now, but after all the years as friends, all the time reacquainting ourselves with each other… I know. We’re in love. I can’t picture my life with anyone else.

“I don’t want to.”

Lillian remained silent for a few seconds before a soft laugh escaped her. “Every day, it seems you find new ways to disappoint this family, my dear daughter.”

There was the slightest of quivers at the corner of Lena’s mouth. “How dare you,” she breathed.

“How dare I? You’re planning on marrying an alien, and you ask ‘how dare I’?” Lillian snarled. “Of all the perfectly worthy humans in the world, my daughter has decided to let an alien stray into her bed.”

“Stray?!” Lena gasped, her eyebrows furrowing.

“Yes,” the elder Luthor spat. “Know this, Lena, if you go through with this, you’ll be making the mockery of the Luthor name.”

With a heavy huff through her nose, Lena rose to her feet, glaring at Lillian the entire way. “Fine. FINE. I didn’t come here for your approval. I don’t need your blessing. I just thought you’d want to know that your daughter is actually, finally, happy. Foolish me for forgetting that only mothers with souls would care about that.”

Lena spun on the ball of her feet, intending to leave, but Lillian called out to her, causing her to stop and look back over her shoulder to the mother. Lillian, a smirk on her face, waved her arm over the chessboard.

“Don’t you want to finish losing?” Lillian smiled.

With one swift motion, Lena swiped her arm across the table, scattering chess pieces all over the floor.

“I’m finished with your games,” she snapped just before storming out of the room.

Lillian leaned back in her chair and took a moment to rub her face. “A damn alien. I taught you better than that, daughter.”

Part 4.

[geekkatsblog]

Making my heart race for 45 minutes every week season 17x5 or like everyone else likes to call it Grey's Anatomy.

"A VERY LONG BUT IMPROTANT PART TO READ BELOW."

Now before I get started I was idly scrolling through Instagram instead of studying like I was supposed to and I was recommended a Grey's Anatomy confession site to torture myself (because most of the time I feel irrationally sad after reading when I see my faves being bashed) and I was a good few confessions in when I noticed that someone had taken a part of lasts weeks review word for word and submitted it. I never really thought I would have to but I beg please don't do that. Confession sites tend to make my heart race and when I realized it was my words that were used I was already in the comments, none of my opinions in these are final so I'd rather not have my words posted anywhere else where people can't see the complete picture. Its definitely fine to use it as inspiration but Please do not post my reviews anywhere else, or at least ask first.

*Now finally onto the review*

All in all the episode was like I expected in terms of outcomes however Grey's has got to come up with another genetic disorder besides Alzheimers, because this is yet another doctor with the gene. Not much happened besides the main event so let's hope I don't talk all over myself again.

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Catherine Fox and Jackson Avery

Refuses to wear the mask like the pig headed woman she is. Her especially should take no risks because as it was pointed out in the episode she is immunocompromised. She didn't actually appear in person but I thought I would mention her part in the episode because it gave us Richard and Jackson scenes which I have grown to love and appreciate because they're always wholesome the one they had tonight on systematic racism was great and one that I hope managed to educate viewers on the situation. It's great to see Jackson have someone there who has a parent figure there to listen calmly. Catherine as great of a mother as she is in my opinion sometimes she can come across as an eccentric aunt. I'm glad Richad managed to tame the wildcat and convince her to wear a mask with his sexual promises. We've lost enough Grey Sloan staff and family from it so far.

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Meredith

A hopefully temporary resident at the fake beach where nothing is real. Unfortunately there were no new visitors at the beach. Like I stated last week, I'm not entirely sure if we'll see anymore of the greats such as Mark Sloan, Lexie ect but there's still a chance next week although it seems like she might be waking up, but like I always say with Grey's expect the unexpected She may or may not be out of the deep end yet but I'm just thankful for the few glimpses we got to see George and Derek grace our screens again the nostalgia was great. However as much as I enjoyed seeing them again, I want Meredith to wake up I miss her, she may not be as fun and quirky as she used to be in the earlier seasons but without her working in the hospital it's hard to deny that something's missing from the episodes.

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TEDDY / OWEN/ TOM

(Here we go again.) 😔

This triangle has been going strong for a long time almost too long, and once again they flipped the switch its always back and forth. A few episodes ago she was begging Owen for forgiveness and now she's telling Tom they have a future. I feel like she needs some time to process what she's really feeling most of the time it seems like she's confused and fair enough it all happened so fast the time between her being with Tom and Owen expressing his still lingering feelings to her but now she needs to make sure that the decision she makes now is the one she actually intends to stick with.

On another note Tom seems to be out of the woods, for now at least which is great when he asked for his son I was a little concerned for a bit I wasn't sure if he was really going to make it. He's a douche and a hard ass but he has the potential to have a great character development, so I'm glad he got another chance. And my comments about wanting Helm to be his new protege remains in that small scene they had last week something just clicked with me and there's also the fact that she wanted to treat him despite the risks.

Owen was here as a filler basically, and to reinforce the love triangle again.

___________________________________________

Jo Wilson

Is thinking of switching specialties, if Ben can do it like changing sweaters why can't she switch? I do think it will be a good fit for her the way she has been fawning over the babies of recent it was either that or give her one of her own which in my opinion I don't think she's ready for. But even in all of the excitement I can't help but think that she's only looking at the cupcake and rainbow side for now because although it's awesome being the first one to hold the babies and everything, not every delivery goes well sometimes the babies don't make it or in other cases the mothers die I hope she's ready to face that side of the package as well.

Just mentioning as well that I love the friendship between her and Schmitt. It was an unexpected but pleasant pairing one of which I'm looking forward to seeing more of in the long run.

On the other hand if Jo switches this gives us more of a chance to see Carina as well because she was signed on a a series regular yet we don't get to see her enough except for on Station 19 and on there she's only Maya's girlfriend. I hope it changes soon and they give her more of a plot or something.

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Amelia/Link

Not much relationship content other than Link finding out about her and Koracick's fling and he took her going into the hospital before the end of her maternity leave quite well. They are one of the healthier relationships in Grey's. Right now at least things always get trickier later.

I'm glad she went in though it let Koracick know that he still had people who care about him and she managed to make Teddy who everyone was treating like garbage as well feel a little better.

___________________________________________

Maggie

No Winston today but we got a lot of Maggie content which was great. She was the moral support once again but today I was fine with it I always enjoy her moments with Bailey and at least she was able to be there for her seeing that Ben was MIA and Webber was busy taking care of her patients along with Jackson. Once again a very needed conversation between her and Bailey and I loved that she still went to comfort her despite the fact that rehashing her own mother's death had to be painful to do.

___________________________________________

Bailey

(Thanks for ruining My Girl for me Grey's now instead of feeling happy I'll forever think of Bailey saying goodbye to her mother.)

We all know that whenever Bailey starts spouting out her feelings and asking for help and advice things are about to go down.

Before we get completely into it I'd just like to express my disappointment in the fact that Ben literally dropped everything took the aid car to save his in laws no questions asked then dropped off his mother in law at the hospital with Covid and left his wife who has anxiety without even checking in. I know he's a first responder as well and he isn't allowed into the hospital that easily either but geeze no other phone calls or messages to check in?. He better have been stuck putting out a huge fire or something equally as bad, besides being him being hurt himself at least.

Another foot note to appreciate Bailey primping before her facetiming with Ben. Go get it hun. Their relationship be cute as usual.

Then the big revel her, mother has dementia, yet another doctor with the alzheimers gene. The moment between her and Meredith was heartwarming to be honest it's a foreign thing seeing them so close and having life conversations still but it's something I hope we get to see often they've had them as semi rivals/ semi friends long enough.

It was hard to see her have to say goodbye and the fact that her father couldn't be there to tell his wife any final words and be there to hold her as she passed made it worse, his wife that he was married to and loved for so long had to die without the comfort of her husband by her side and her daughter could barely hold her hand because of the bulk of her suit, then one of the saddest parts was that she possibly didn't even know what was happening to her. But thankfully Bailey could have been there to sing to her and keep her calm, a lot of people don't even get that much of a chance during the pandemic their loved ones die alone.

The moment I saw the conversation with her dad and the way she was only half listening I knew she was going to blame herself at some point over what happened, it remains to be seen if Maggie's speech worked or if she's going to continue to blame herself. Like I stated before I love the conversation her and Maggie had. One of the reasons why I haven't stepped off the Grey's Carousel is because they touch on topics that others don't cross they aren't afraid to touch the important and controversial things.

I was too being sad over her mothers death at first but I also want to talk about her and Webber's friendship he immediately postponed everything to be there for her, he took over her workload and still made sure he was there in time to be there and support her when she watched her mother flat line.

___________________________________________

The pandemic has always been real to me but somehow seeing the names of those that passed at the end was surreal I found myself just staring at the screen for a few minutes later reflecting on everything.

___________________________________________

Next week is the winter finale and I have no idea how it could get anymore dramatic than it already is. There's been so much already but Grey's always manages to surprise me. Then after that episode it's back to nothing until March 😭😭😭.

[skgway]

1823 Aug., Wed. 20

8

11 1/2

Soon began on the erotics last night. Her warm, then [e]ncouraging. I said this was not like keeping our promise. She answered, ‘no’ and reached a towel to put under us to keep the bed clean on account of her cousin. I had retired too early for her. ‘Am I too soon for you?’ ‘Yes, rather,’ said she, and I resumed, determined she should have a sufficiently good kiss before I had had one. She said she had and we fell asleep. 

Both awoke at five in the morning and talked till seven. Asked if this was not better than my sleeping in Micklegate. ‘Yes,’ but it was prudence # on her part. She had a feeling she could not describe. Would make any sacrifice rather than have our connection suspected. She seemed very affectionate and fond of me. Said I was her only comfort, she should be miserable without me. 

Lou has got rather out of ∂ [Charles]’s good books she – Lou never got up to breakfast living with her uncle has given her very independent notions – He waited for her – Consulted her in everything – She told C– [Charles] one morning, she got up at the hour that suited her convenience – ∂ [Charles Lawton] has therefore been sadly out of his best humour this summer and π [Mariana] sadly fidgetted –

Told M– [Mariana] that she did not understand one 1/2 my letters, and misunderstood the other – That my aunt said (speaking of the regard between us), it was “much more on one side than the other”, – On my side then hers – Miss Pattison had blushed up to the sears, and told her at Manchester that ∂ [Charles Lawton] complained of her being cold and she wished she would try to be warmer when she returned. π [Mariana] said she and ∂ [Charles Lawton] very well knew the reason of that that she could not seem warm if she did not feel so. 

π [Mariana] once sat next Miss Pattison’s uncle at dinner there and he said of her she looked like one who could love. I agreed, then reverting to ourselves, ‘this is adultery to all intents and purposes.’ ‘No, no,’ said she. ‘Oh yes, π [Mariana]. No casuistry can disguise it.’ ‘Not this then, but the other.’ ‘Well,’ said I, choosing to let the thing turn her own way. ‘I always considered your marriage legal prostitution. We were both wrong. You to do and I to consent to it. And when I think of blaming others, I always remember nothing can at all excuse us but our prior connection.’ 

I did not pursue the subject, nor did π [Mariana] seem to think much of it. The fear of discovery is strong. It rather increases I think. But her conscience seems seared, so long as concealment is secure. She said yesterday of Harriet, if she had never liked Milne I could have made more excuse for her. Thought I to myself, if none but those who were without sin threw the first stone.

Harriet, like the woman taken in adultery, might escape – Told her she needed not fear my conduct letting out our secret. I could deceive anyone. Then told her how completely I had duped Miss Pickford # and that the success of such deep deceit almost smote me, but I had done it all for her, π [Mariana]’s, sake. ‘Why should it smite you? ‘It is deceit that does no one any harm.’ 

I made no reply, but mused how sophistry might reign within the breast where none suspected it. How might not this argument best retched from one deceit to another. Mary, you have passion like the rest, but your caution cheats the world out of it. Scandal and your courage is weak, rather than your principal strong. Yet is it I who write this. 

She’s true to me, yes, but she has not that magnanimity of truth that satisfies a haughty spirit like mine. She is too tamely, worldly, and worldliness is her strength and weakness her foible and her virtue. She loves me, I do believe her, as well as she is capable of loving. Yet her marriage was worldly, her whole conduct is worldly to the farthest verge that craven love can bear. 

How often has it struck me that years ago when once talking to Lou about this marriage and the powerful circumstances that almost compelled it. ‘Well,’ said she, ‘you do not know π [Mariana]. She is worldly and the match was worldly altogether.’ This did indeed strike me at the time but it never struck me as it does at this moment – (Thursday 21 August 3 55/60 p.m. 1823) – 

It now opens upon me as the key of all that all I have never yet been able to comprehend in her character. I have doubted her love, I have doubted her sincerity. How often with an almost bursting heart have I laid aside my papers and my musings because I dared not pursue inconsistencies I could not unravel. I could not deem the dial true, I would not deem it false. The time the manner of her marriage to sink January 1815 in oblivion. Oh how it broke the magic of my faith forever. How, spite of love, it burst the spell that bound my very reason suppliant at her feet. I loathed consent but loathed the easing more. I would have given the yes she sought, tho it had rent my heart into a hundred thousand shivers. It was enough to ask –

It was a coward love that dared not brave the storm; and, in desperate despair, my proud, indignant spirit watched it sculk away – How few the higher feelings we then could have in common! The chivalry of heart was gone – Hope’s brightest hues were brushed away – Yet still one melancholy point of union remained – She was unhappy. So was I –

Love scorned to leave the ruin desolate; and time she has shaded it so sweetly, my heart still lingers in its old abiding place, thoughtless of its broken bowers, save when some sudden guest blows thro’, and scrunching memory is disturbed – But oh! no more “the heart knoweth its own bitterness,” and it is enough – “Je sens mon coeur, et je connais les hommes. Je ne suis fait comme aucun de ceux que j’ai vus; j’ose croire n'être fait comme aucun de ceux qui existent.” Rousseau's Confessions volume and page first.

She loves me. Tho it is neither exactly as I wished, nor as I too fondly persuaded myself. ‘Ere years had taught me to weigh human nature in the balance or unlock the loveliest of bosoms with the key of worldliness. Yes, she loves me. My own feelings shall descend to hers. They have done so in part. How I could have adored her had she been more of that angelic being my fancy formed her. No thought, no word, no look, had wandered then. Surely my every sentiment towards her had had less of earth in it than heaven –

How like “the visions of romantic youth”! I know she might have realized then – Je sens mon coeur – But no more – No more – I seem unable to return to the dry detail of a journal –

At seven an hour before getting up asked her to get out of bed and wash. We both did so. Then got into bed again and had a long quiet good kiss and then a comfortable nap. Got up at eight. I laughed and said we must really both of us get well as soon as we could. We owned she thought I was worse than she was, and said jokingly ‘do you forgive me for it?’ ‘Of course.’ I set her at ease on this point, but yet the characteristic difference between us always strikes me. I am sure I should even shew twice as much as she really feels –

Went downstairs at 8 1/2 – Breakfasted etc. etc. Sat next Mrs Milne. Had been very properly attentive to her. Asked π [Mariana] if she was satisfied etc. etc. Said I would act as she liked but I could not decidedly change my manners to Mrs. M[ilne] unless my real acquaintance with her conduct might be acknowledged. She has been foolish again in corresponding with her cousin, Mr. Dannett. This was the thing Eli [Eliza Belcombe] alluded to when I was last in York –

Took leave, and off from the B– [Belcombe]’s (Dr. B– [Belcombe] had had rather a restless night but was nevertheless no worse). As the minster clock struck 10 found the horses to the mail at the Tavern door, to start at 10 1/4 instead of 10 3/f as I supposed – Asked the coachman to wait a minute or 2, and hurried into Micklegate – Only just time to wish then good by, and say I should be passing thro’ again in a fortnight or 3 weeks to spend a fortnight with M– [Mariana] at Scarbro’ –

Did not see Mrs. Duffin this morning – Miss M– [Marsh] whispered last night, she had had a paralytic affectation about a fortnight ago, and had been almost gone – I perceived no difference in her as I saw her sitting round the table last night – She did not attempt to move, but this being unnecessary, did not strike me – 

Got into the new mail, and drove off from the D– [Duffin]’s door at 10 1/2 – Only 1 gentleman besides myself – Beyond Tadcaster took up a nice decent elderly woman – I never uttered all the way – Wrapt in musing – Thought of π [Mariana] and the three steps business, then about my manners and appearance. Building castles about their improvement, elegance, engagingness, etc. etc. The good society I hope to get into, etc., etc. 

Thought of consulting Mr. Simmons, the surgeon. George Streetman, Chester. π [Mariana] consulted him. He feared some uterary of or belonging to the womb. Determine yet might judge from the effect of Scarbro whether Steph was right in supposing it merely weakness. He had treated her judiciously. She ought to be examined, but would not submit –

At Leeds at 1 – Got out for 1/4 hour and off again (from the Rose & Crown) at 1 20/60 – Beautiful day till we got to the New Dolphin Clayton heights, and from there to the Pine-apple

H–x [Halifax], a smartish, sunshiny shower – Got out at the Pine apple at 3 40/60 – Fair and fine immediately –

Got home at 4 – Went into the stable for a moment – Caradoc had gone on well – Then went into the house, and sat talking to my uncle and aunt till 5 40/60 – Then dressed for dinner – My father and Marian called in the evening, and staid till after 8 – I was absolutely asleep almost all the time –

Came up to bed at 9, at which hour Barometer 1 1/2 degree below changeable Fahrenheit 60º – Put by my things – Read the 1st 13 pages volume 1 Rousseau Confessions –

A bowel complaint. Dawdling to stick the pot up the chimney to prevent smell. Could not manage it. All this hindered and kept me up. E [three dots, times treating venereal complaint] O [three dots, signifying much discharge] A great deal on my linen. Saw it when I washed thoroughly before dinner, first with water then alum lotion –

[in margin] 

#Tuesday morning 26 August 1823 This is very well in its way, but she has more of it than love –

# Did not give the slightest hint of P[ickford]’s real character, nor does π [Mariana] at all suspect the truth. I merely said she was the most learned woman I knew and had therefore more penetration than the world in general – π [Mariana] thought she should feel under restraint before her –

[wolfpawn]

Pride and Prejudice, Chapter 60

Story Summary - Based on an idea I had that I submitted to Imagine Loki. Imagine Loki was raised on Jotunheim as Laufey’s son after the war, but an agreement was then made that he would wed Odin’s daughter so Odin could secure the alliance of Jotunheim through the marriage. Loki, in turn, was raised to be king of Jotunheim, but how he views Asgard is far different from how Odin’s daughter is raised leading to a clash of cultures as well as uncertainty between the pair of betrothed youths.

Chapter Summary -Now that Ella has Gungnir, Loki feels slightly uneasy and she shows him she is all the more powerful for it.

Previous Chapter

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NOTES: How has it been so long since I updated? Where TF did the last few weeks go? I mean, I went to London for a few days but I didn't realise it had been so long. Apologies.

Loki eyed the weapon in his mate’s hand warily. Gungnir, one of the most deadly weapons in all of the realms, the staff that obliterated dozens of Jotnar with a single blow in the war, stood in his bedroom in the hands of his mate. More startling still was what Odin Allfather had informed them and why he was relinquishing his hold on the almighty weapon. His son, the future king of Jotunheim would be its next true bearer. Ella, his mate would guard it until their son was old enough. This already incredibly powerful seidr wielder was made all the stronger until their son would be trained in how to wield the weapon and he had no doubt Ella would push their son to be as powerful a wielder as he could be. He did not fear his mate but he did fear the very old warning that power corrupts and absolute power, which she now had, could be all the more dangerous. He looked at her hand, her fingers almost twiddling around the cold metal of the staff. When he looked at her face, he diverted his eyes for a moment.

“You seem somewhat fearful?”

“My mate is holding a weapon that could obliterate a realm if she felt like it. It is somewhat unnerving.”

“At least you know that none will try and take your throne by conquest,” Ella pointed out. “None would be so stupid as to question your reign publically now.”

“You could decide to take over. A hostile Aesir takeover.” Loki ensured to be looking at her with a jestful look on his face in case she thought for a moment that he was serious.

“Asgard clearly likes to take the long and convoluted way of taking over a realm, doesn’t it?” Ella laughed. “No, I would not do well as the Queen of Jotunheim. Though, I have heard more than once that I will wait until I get these two sons that were planned and then have you and the entirety of the rest of the Laufeyson and their children bar ours killed so to control the throne via our children with none to contest them.”

“I heard that one a few times too. Though this cannot help but feed those rumours.” He indicated to Gungnir. “Is that not awkward to hold? Does it cause a difference to your centre of balance with the baby?”

“It is awkward only because I am not used to carrying it. With regards to my centre of gravity, I am not so weak, I can assure you.”

“I do not doubt your strength, I am just…”

“Being a concerned mate, but I could defeat you in a fight with it right now without even using seidr.” She smiled, her glance going to Gungnir for a moment.

“Really? How could you possibly do that?” Loki asked, equal parts confused and worried by her statement.

“Come forward with your weapon drawn and find out.”

Loki looked at her appalled. “Absolutely not. I am not going to come toward my pregnant mate with weapons drawn. What if I hurt our son? What if I hurt you?” He shook his head violently from side to side. “No, absolutely not.”

“You think you could even get a blade near me?” Ella scoffed. “Not possible.”

“I rather not take that chance.”

“Loki…” His face told her everything. “Fine, try and do something benign that is no risk to us.”

Loki looked at her apprehensively before slowly coming forward creating a blunt ice blade in his hand that was entirely harmless. When he noticed her grip on Gungnir alter, he became slightly more hesitant, wondering what she could be planning. Curious, he stepped forward and was knocked back quickly by a swift flash of gold. It took him a few seconds to realise that Ella was not in the position she had been in before and she was now in a side profile, Gungnir now firmly in the opposite hand. “You…?”

“I told you, I am not without means to defend myself. Try again.”

“Ella, if you were to be hurt…” Loki stated apprehensively.

“You would have to be a risk to me for that even to be an issue.”

Though she had a playfulness to her tone, it was clear that she had no faith in him being able to strike her. With a raised brow, again, he gripped the blunt blade tightly in his grasp but this time, stalked towards her with intent.

Seeing that this time, he was more open to her idea of showing what she could do, Ella prepared herself. Though he was frightened of hurting her, Loki went to strike first only to have Gungnir shatter the blunt hollow ice blade before he could get too closer to her.

“Try harder,” Ella smirked and she began to walk off, her back to him.

Loki knew it was a trick, he knew she would never be so foolish as to leave herself at risk of severe injury, so he did as he was sure she was expecting him to do and created another hollow blunt blade and went to strike her again. If he thought being pregnant was going to impede her in any manner, he was very much mistaken as Ella whipped around elegantly, blocking his attempt to strike her with his blade and halting just before she would have struck him with Gungnir, their faces being mere millimetres apart in her doing so.

“Better but not good enough.” She gently leant forward and kissed his cheek playfully.

Loki was baffled into remaining still by what had happened. It was all of a few seconds and Ella was nothing but a blur through most of it. “I…”

“You underestimated me,” She smiled, nuzzling her head in against his neck. “Don’t fret, I am used to it.”

“It has nothing to do with underestimating you. It is to do with you are my mate, it goes against everything I know and think to harm you and to add to it, you are considerably pregnant with our child. Do you honestly think I could want to harm you?”

“Of course not, hence my allowing you to come so close to me without harming you. Do you think I would risk myself or our son if I did not trust you entirely? Do you think any other would get so close to me and only receive a kiss on the cheek?”

“I should hope none other gets that from you.”

“I thought you did not like kissing?”

“I don’t, especially not the one where you look like you are attempting to eat one another. The one you do, that is not too peculiar.”

“You like it, don’t lie. I think you forget that I pay as much attention to you as you do to me. I know when you like something.”

“You are mistaken, I pay more attention to you.” Ella’s brows furrowed at that. “I find myself awake at night some times, worried about every sort of matter. The realm mostly, sometimes I also see scenes from our time on Alfheim replay in my mind.” Ella rubbed his arm kindly at that comment. “I feel the humidity. I sweat. I see...then I look at you, beside me, asleep and feel our son move in your stomach as he rests. It grounds me.” He leant in against her in the Jotnar manner, his hand cupping her face. “I do like it,” He admitted.

In truth, Ella was startled by his confession. She knew it to be true but him saying it was startling nonetheless.

“But I also like that you do this.” He nudged he head slightly to indicate to how she was showing the Jotnar way of affection.

“I still find it startling that the cold-hearted being I came here to marry turned out to be such a softhearted mate behind it all.” Ella toyed slightly with his hair as she spoke, long having realised that he liked the sensation.

Loki sighed contently at the feeling. “It’s hard to believe that I truly thought I could never come to even like you, much less love you, yet here we are. As soon as I was forced to look at myself and my actions, I thought over your words and you were right, I did not allow myself the chance to love you and when I changed that, everything changed. Now I have a strong and incredible mate and a son that is growing swiftly and will be here soon. I could not ask for more.”

Ella always was able to come up with some form of retort to almost any situation she found herself in through her life but she could not find words to respond to him.

[tros-for-dinner]

The tros death star fight, reimagined

A little background to set up my re-imagining of the scene: through most of the movie, Rey and Kylo are at cross-purposes. (I wrote the following in two hours, it isn’t perfect yet, keep in mind it’s a revision-in-progress).

Rey: in the start of the movie, she and Kylo experience a vision in the Force together. They both see Rey sitting on the throne, ruler of the galaxy - this Rey is completely alone, having isolated herself from her friends and Kylo. Her pain and anger are immeasurable, and she’s destroying the galaxy with her power in the Force (she’s lashing out, but with the Force). Rey sees the vision, and sets out to find the throne and destroy it. Through the story, she learns more about the throne. (Long story short, palpatine and the throne are a metaphor for how greed corrupts, because greed is the cause of suffering.)

Kylo: in parallel to Rey - he experiences the vision with Rey: in the vision, he is dead because she killed him. He can feel his death approaching but his survival instinct is rebelling, he doesn’t want to succumb to this fate he thinks he’s been born into. He goes to Mustafar in pilgrimage, finds the holocron, gives himself PTO to go where the map leads. (Hux is the one making the actual leadership decisions for the F.O.)

Kylo goes to Exogol and finds the throne and palpatine, who tells him that he can be the most powerful being in the universe…if he kills Rey. Kylo is extremely conflicted about this. He is convinced he’s supposed to want power but he doesn’t want to destroy this person who he has such a deep connection with. Rey finds out he has the map through a force-skype scene and decides she’s going to steal the map from him so she can get to the throne. 

Through their force Skype scenes in the movie, Kylo is trying to convince Rey that she isn’t so high-and-mighty. “We’re not so different,” he says, which is the truth. “What are your friends going to say when they find out you interact with the dark side of the Force as much as any Darksider?” he asks, pointedly. “The dark side is a part of us, whether we like it or not.”

When the gang smuggles themselves aboard Ren’s star destroyer to rescue Chewie (in my reimagining it is Rose they’re rescuing), Rey splits off from the group to find the map (but doesn’t tell her friends that’s what she’s really doing). In the end, she doesn’t find it, and longer escape short, force-pirouettes herself away in the hangar after Kylo lets her go (he stands between her and the troopers so he can stop any blaster bolts they may loose). 

Critical moment: when Kylo sees her face-to-face in the hangar - seeing each other in person for the first time since the throne room - he realizes that he won’t ever be able to kill her, not for any reward in the galaxy. He decides then he’s going to destroy the throne and palpatine. He knows he isn’t strong enough to do it alone. He wants Rey to help him. 

Kylo follows the Falcon to Kif Bir, in effect abandoning the First Order, and tracks Rey out to the Death Star wreckage.

Long part of Finn’s plot short: the Falcon crash lands in a village of ex-stormtroopers, Finn decides he’s going to spend the rest of his life trying to free troopers. A couple of months ago I posted to tumblr the scene where he tells Poe, it was pretty well-received and I’m proud of it.

Rey sees the death star, realizes through her experience scavenging imperial ships that there will be a map room (and she can ‘feel it in the Force’ or whatever). Or, the ex-troopers tell her gossip that there’s a map hidden in that piece of the ship in the sea. Either way, Rey makes a gamble and goes out to the death star wreckage without telling anybody.

So all of this leads up to the Death Star. Rey rappels to the Emperor’s chambers and experiences a vision in the Force - dark side rey. This version of her is cruel and uncaring, absolutely fractured by pain and anger and loneliness: what she will become if she keeps pushing her friends away and insisting she can do everything by herself. Because that’s the lesson in this movie: the Force brings us together. None of us can do it alone. Every person needs a community, some sort of social structure in which to exist. To isolate ourselves, not accept help when we need it, to drown in loneliness - these things are antithesis to the Force. Palpatine tells Rey and Kylo that to be powerful, they have to isolate themselves, but that is a lie so he can control them. The truth is, to be powerful, they have to work together.

Rey gets out of the map room/vision, and Kylo has found her. Him being there is a declaration: ‘I’m choosing whatever side you’re on.’ “We need to work together to destroy the throne!” he implores her.

Rey, shaken from the vision, and not yet accepting how she feels about Kylo, rejects this. He destroys the second map in a very stupid attempt to bluff: ‘now the only way to palpatine is with me’. Rey realizes that the second map is still in his ship, which is parked very close by, and chooses to fight Kylo for it.

So: the two of them are actually fighting about something in the death star wreckage. Rey wants to beat kylo so she can get to his ship and fly away alone; Kylo is trying to logic Rey into them working together. He’s not interested in killing her, and refuses the killing blow every time one arises.

Leia is dying. She reaches out in the Force and both Rey and Kylo can feel her presence; both are distracted. Leia tells Ben that she loves him, and she dies.

Rey and Kylo are standing in the ocean spray, shellshocked. Rey recovers first, and she force-snatches Kylo’s ‘saber right out of his hand (or, from the deck, if he drops it in a fit of abstentia).  He startles, trying to grab it back, but it’s too late: Rey is holding his saber in her hand. He stares at her with fear in his eyes, frozen in place.

Rey stops, and looks down at the saber.

She, and the audience, can see how slip-shod his saber is. We see up close the mods and fixes he made to his saber in order to still use his cracked kyber crystal. (For more info, see the Force Awakens Visual Dictionary, I think. Basically, Ben was a fucking nerd but his fix was pretty janky.) Through the Force, Rey can feel the cracked crystal in the saber: it radiates pain in unending waves. It’s a traumatized being, disguised and held together and made mostly functional with a facade of poorly-hidden nerd shit. It’s a metaphor, and Rey feels a surge of compassion for Kylo she hasn’t felt since before the throne room. 

“What happened to it?” she asks Kylo quietly, tears threatening in the back of her eyes. “The kyber.”

He blinks at her, unfreezes a little. There’s grief hidden in his face. “It’s tradition,” he answers her. “M-… Snoke said that to be a true dark-sider, I had to submit the galaxy to my will. The start of that was the crystal. Jedi form a symbiotic relationship with their kyber. Darksiders bend the kyber to their will.” He looks away, fighting his bitter grief. “My resolve wasn’t strong enough. I broke the crystal. It took me ages to find a solution so I could actually use the fractured kyber.”

Rey visibly makes a decision, holds up the ‘saber, then lets go - it is suspended in the air by the Force. She takes a step back.

“I wanted to take your hand,” she confesses to him. It takes real strength for her to say this: it’s her closest-guarded secret. “Ben’s hand.”

He’s gobsmacked at this - but, more than anything, hope dawns across his face. Rey moves her gaze from him to the suspended ‘saber. She holds out her hand in the “Force Stance” towards the ‘saber, but her hand is in a fist. She takes a deliberate inhale, determination on her face, and springs her fist open.

The saber handle explodes - Kylo flinches. When he opens his eyes and looks, he’s surprised to see that she didn’t blast the ‘saber apart and scatter the pieces, as he/we expected: the components of his saber handle are like planets orbiting a miniature star, the kyber crystal. It is glowing bright in the center, and all of Rey’s attention is focused directly on it. As he watches, she heals the crystal, then reassembles the saber as it was before. She floats the saber back to him and he takes it, speechless. He ignites the saber: the blade isn’t nearly as volatile as it was before, but more importantly, instead of being red, it glows white. (Or whatever color healed crystals take, this isn’t the first time it has happened in canon, i think.) He extinguishes it and holsters it.

They take tentative steps toward one another, neither with a lit saber. Both are unsure but keep moving until they’re the closest they’ve been since the elevator.

“I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to you,” she says to him, lifting a hand towards his face. 

He watches, breathless - he and the audience think she’s going to caress his face - but instead, her hand changes trajectory at the last second, passing over his face - it’s the same trick he used against her in the forest in Force Awakens. He passes out. His eyes roll back into his head and he collapses, dead weight - but she catches him with the Force and lowers him down gently, then picks up her heels and runs.

He comes to rather quickly - he’s unfocused for a beat, then comes fully back online - just in time to see his ship high in the sky, driving away. He staggers to his feet, a ship lands behind him. He turns - it’s the KOR. They’re there to pick him up.

“Where to, boss?” his second-in-command asks. Kylo looks at him - them being here means they’re loyal to him, not the FO. He has allies, even in this darkest time. 

“Follow my ship,” he commands, starting to strip his wet clothes. “We’re going to be there for her when she needs us.”