#or sometimes ppl get this weird expectation that you know everything and are in charge of everything suddenly

[famewolf]

definitely been having one of those weeks were i dont really want to interact with the outside world and everything is too loud. it's not the worst thing ever but it just makes my tolerance towards people wanting things from me a lot lower

[aiweirdness]

A big neural net reviews a smaller neural net's recipes

I’ve used various neural networks to generate recipes, to varying degrees of success. My earliest recipes were generated with char-rnn, which had to learn everything - spelling, punctuation, words - entirely from scratch. Its recipes were terrible (Swamp Peef and Cheese, anyone? Or Chocolate Chicken Chicken Cake?). Later when I started using GPT-2, I was using a neural net that had already seen a lot of recipes online during internet pre-training, and its recipes looked a lot more realistic (although not entirely realistic - there was that recipe for Black Forest Cake that suggested pouring the batter into a toaster, or the jello recipe that starts with “remove all internal rinds”).

GPT-3, an even more powerful text-generating neural net, has seen so many recipes during its internet pre-training that its recipes are boringly plausible. Bake its Black Forest Cake recipe and you’d probably actually get cake at the end, even if it’s not the best cake in the world. Its recipes aren’t funny at a glance, which is why I haven’t posted any of them - until internet linguist Gretchen McCulloch suggested that, rather than have GPT-3 generate its own recipes, I have it rate char-rnn’s recipes. Readers, it worked.

I prompted GPT-3 with two example recipes from allrecipes, each followed by 3 of their human-written reviews. Then, for the third recipe I inserted one of char-rnn’s recipes:

Chocolate Chocolate Cake

1 cup sugar 1/4 cup butter 1 cup margarine 1 cup cocoa 1 teaspoon vanilla 1 cup margarine 1/2 cup pecans, chopped 1 teaspoon vanilla 1 egg yolk 1/2 cup sugar 1/4 cup chopped pecans 1 cup sugar 1 teaspoon vanilla 1 cup cocoa 1 teaspoon vanilla

Combine flour, sugar, baking powder, salt, salt, and salt in a large bowl. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until mixture boils and stiff peaks form. Add milk and cook until mixture is completely melted. Remove from heat and stir in sugar and sugar. Add eggs and vanilla. Beat until smooth. Spread in batter. Sprinkle with pecans.

Yield: 1 servings

And then I let GPT-3 add reviews. Would it mention the excessive lakes of vanilla? The complete lack of flour? The foolhardy reliance on the heroic efforts of a single egg yolk to hold things together?

oxtailsandturnovers Rating: 5 stars 03/04/2007 delicious chocolate recipe!!! and the perfect balance between cocoa and chocolate. and they sure were LONGNECKS! big time rave here. lazy w birthdays w friends and family, try this recipe for something chocolate sweet the ppl will talk about over and over.

AKEMIYUNA Rating: 5 stars appraisal 12/03/2008 Excellent for the kids Halloween party. Everyone got so thrilled by seeing something new on Chocolate in sponge. He even likes nuts separately but it will taste good..

BYOMFYABF Rating: 2 stars 10/01/2008 I could only give it a 2 as I had to make changes to it due to ingredients I had. First, I used Dove Dark Chocolate cocoa instead of Hershey's, no nuts, and the mashed bananas and caramel topping were a must. I did use coffee instead of the hot water, and dark margarine instead of regular, therefore I could not use light whipped cream, but I made homemade whipped cream. It had WAY too much flour in it, but i guess it could have been me measuring heavier than I should have. I also only used 2 cups of flour. it was my first bundt cake, so it was huge!!!

Here’s another batch of reviews, this time of a more chaotic char-rnn recipe:

Simple Soup Alaborate Soup Pie

6 each chopped white perserves; ** (optional but ring) 1/2 cup chopped fresh marjoram 1/2 teaspoon dried thyme 1/3 teaspoon salt 1/2 cup thinly sliced onion 1/4 cup onion (chopped) 1/2 teaspoon garlic; minced 2 small carrots 6 can dry white wine 1 tabasco sauce 1 tablespoon sugar 1/2 cup flour, whipped topping 2 tablespoon chili powder

Marinate: Serves 4. Whip and short under boiling. Add the sliced mushrooms and peppers and stir to coat. Stir the sugar and carrots. In large bowl, beat the egg to make a 1 1/2 tablespoons of the flour. Add shanks and stir it well. Spoon into a frying pan before serving.

Recipe By : DonajehLi Koubmanda

Yield: 8 servings

JEFFREY97389 Rating: 2 stars 03/03/2006 Even though everyone said this was great, I thought it was just 'OK!' The perserves gave a strange flavor to the sauce.

MATTJANDTRACER Rating: 2 stars 01/02/2009 This recipe sounded good. When it came out it tasted a bit like a casserole and not a stew. I used venison instead of deer and pork. I liked the way it turned out, but it wasnt very French.

Hammy Rating: 5 stars The g iving this as a gift as it takes about 10 less minutes but using American cheese and not blended with parsley flakes, lime-flavored gelatin, which is my husband's favorite dish from SuperValu. Just happens to be the creamy sauce. Don't worry about a pie crust.

In fact, the more chaotic the char-rnn recipe, the more chaotic the reviews tend to be, as if GPT-3 has picked up on the chaos and is trying to somehow produce reviews that could plausibly be written by whatever weird humans are visiting this mangled recipe website.

Geilded Peanuts & Crabmeat Basil

3 beef, boneless chops, or thyme, 1 lamber and flince of fresh diced in diagonal 1 parsley 2 large leeks (for garnish) 3/4 teaspoon sesame oil, seeded and peeled 1 any jeans'l-tortilla 1 pepper or cinnamon 1/4 cup baesly pinto beans. (Crushed and thawed; minced fine you recipe) 1 tomato base 1 fat in the last 5 inch plates 1 garlic clove; crushed 1/4 cup dijon mustard

In a large bowl set aside. Remove the sides from the heat and saute with a fork and cover and cook on Low for 6 to 6 hours.

Yield: 6 servings

Morales Rating: 0 stars 03/30/2008 I had high expectations for this recipe, but it was an outright flop. I don't know if the measurements were somehow incorrect or what, but I ended up with a watery mess that certainly wasn't crab salad. My girlfriend, who is a new chef liked it fine, but I really wish that the recipe didn't claim that it made six servings when it really made enough for one, if that's what we were going to call it.

Carole Rating: 5 stars Glorious sobs! This recipe will be delicious for a minumum of 1½ Hours to maximum 2½ hours Time to bring lots of fresh sized potatoes in the house or grow in the age may become quite famous

Amanda Rating: 3 stars 11/13/2009 My friend is having a birthday party and will celebrate with Camping. She's in charge of the dishes and wanted to serve food at the campfire. I'll 10th grade, my easy information for her party. It will not sound strange anyway test this task with a note to work rationally.What to take trees, portable tables for chairs, the main meal, food. I personally love the taste of it but has anyone seen a shepherd (wasn't any spices), oysters. It is sufficient

It does kind of make sense that GPT-3’s recipe reviews aren’t directly complaining about the utter weirdness of char-rnn’s recipes. Probably very few of the recipe reviews in GPT-3’s training data involved baffled complaints about nonexistent or repeated ingredients, or apocalyptic levels of recipe failure. So GPT-3 has learned that even the critical reviews tend to fall within a certain sentiment range. It’s interesting that it tries to emulate char-rnn’s primitive neural net glitchiness - I’ve noticed before that GPT-3 seems to be capable of pretending to be a much simpler neural net.

Subscribers get bonus content: After generating a few reviews, GPT-3 would sometimes go on to generate new recipes (such as “BBQ Cheeseburger Salad” which contains lime jello, whipped topping, and sliced black beans). It may have been deliberately trying to make them terrible to fit in with char-rnn’s recipes.

Speaking of AI-generated recipes: there are some absolute disasters in my book on AI, You Look Like a Thing and I Love You: Amazon - Barnes & Noble - Indiebound - Tattered Cover - Powell’s - Boulder Bookstore

[beanst0ck]

heyyy, it's me again :) so,, since the requests are open, can i have how noya, tsukki & kageyama (my fav karasuno bois) helping their s/o who's struggling with school and stuff. like they go to her house and shes crying, and when he asks why is she crying she says "idk" bc basically, that's happening to me now, and I need some fluff to have serotonin 😔😔💕 love u!!

school can b like that sometimes 😔

i don’t usually struggle with schoolwork but when i do it’s >:(

Yuu Nishinoya

it’s a normal day. not too cloudy, not to sunny, perfect for a date!

nishinoya thinks back to you, noticing that you seemed a little distracted at school today

he asked you multiple times what was wrong but you always responded with “oh no im fine!“ so he assumed you were just having a bad day :((

so to try and make you feel better, he decides to text you!

short king💕: HEy! be ready in 15 mins!! we’re going out to eat >:))

he found it kind of odd you didn’t see his message, but maybe you were just taking a nap or doing hw!

cut to him rushing over to your house bc our bby is excited!! it’s been awhile since he’s taken you somewhere so now that he has the chance to he’s pumped up!

he calls you multiple times on his phone ready to tell you he’s outside, but you don’t answer

now our bby boy is confused. he’s like?? where are you?? i just wanna go out and eat??

he looks around your house and notices your window is open

somehow, he manages to reach your window and sees you hunched over your table looking at something

he sees that your phone is on your bed charging, so now he understands why you wouldn’t answer!

“(y/nnn)!! let’s go out to eat!“

you turn around so fast

like “wHO ARE YOU AND HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO GET INTO MY ROOM??- oh hi noya“

he immediately freezes once he notices your eyes are red and puffy

better believe he’s going to rush over to you and ask what’s wrong, what made you upset, etc.

you have to wait awhile before he calms down so you could explain what was wrong

“today we had a test and i didn’t get the score i thought i’d get... i thought i’d at least get a passing grade but guess not, so im trying to study for the makeup test so i could do better this time :((“

he has a moment of realization and you swear you could literally see a lightbulb go off above his head

he finally understands why you were so upset earlier!!

now that he understands why you were sad he’s gonna do everything in his power to make you feel better

“how long have you been studying for?“

“since i got home..“

“(y/n) that was 3 hours ago...”

finds out you haven’t even taken a break and he’s about to throw hands

he cares about you a lot and wants you to take better care of yourself!!

he saw how hard you were working on trying to get a better grade and knew you needed a break, so now he’s definitely taking you out on that date as a reward for your hard work

“alright, you’re taking a break now! too much studying will break your head!!“

practically drags you out your front door. he didn’t even give you a chance to get ready, y’all left exactly how you were

he takes you out to buy your favorite food because even if you didn’t pass, you tried your best and that’s what matters

he would try his best to study with you, but we all know he isn’t the smartest when it comes to academics,,,

will give you lots and lots of kithes when he sees you finally got the score you wanted as a reward for your hard work :))

Kei Tsukishima

during school tsukki noticed that you were acting a little odd. normally you’re the one to initiate conversations with him, but today you were just quiet

immediately knew something was up, but didn’t say anything because maybe he was looking into things too much

time skip to lunch and tsukishima is looking for you, because he wants to eat his lunch with you!!

imagine his surprise when he sees you studying?

he’s like “what are you doing, are you trying to be a nerd now?“

you jump because you weren’t expecting him to find you so fast??

your plan was to study a bit before you ate your lunch with tsukishima but obviously that wasn’t going to happen today

tsukishima finds it kind of weird that you were studying during school hours because you never do that? but once again he stays quiet because hey maybe you just want to improve your grades or something

the day passes by normally for the both of you, but tsukishima still can’t shake the feeling that something is up with you

so after practice he decides to head over to your place

he parts ways with yamaguchi and begins heading over to your house to see you

he’s lowkey a little excited because he doesn’t come over to visit you much so he had lil butterflies in his stomach

your parents open the door and when they see him they immediately greet him happily and let him in

i headcannon that parents just love tsukishima idk why

tsukishima doesn’t even knock, he just opens the door to your room

when he sees you crying he just stares, extremely confused

when you notice someone’s entered your room you look up and through all the tears you see your boyfriend standing in your doorway, confused af

you quickly wipe the tears from your face, already knowing that hiding your face from him would not work because he definitely just saw you crying

you try and play it off tho

“ah! tsukki! what’re you doing here ahahha-“

he slowly walks over to you and sees your notebook fills with notes along with other worksheets filled with information

he closes your books and pushes away all the loose papers on your desk

right as you’re about to ask him why’d he do that for he immediately hugged you

it was kind of an awkwardly positioned hug tho? you were sitting down on a chair and he was standing so your face was against his stomach

he asks you if you were crying because of school work but did he really need to ask?? he already knew the answer-

he suddenly becomes sweet towards you? like he still teases you but not as much because he knows you’re sad rn :((

offers to tutor you if you really need to help, he’ll use it as an excuse to spend more time with you!

if you get a problem right your reward is his kithes

if his teammates see him tutoring you they’re gonna be like “awe“ because he barely agreed to tutor hinata and kageyama and he couldn’t stand them

they’ll clown him a little bit

speaking of them they’re probably gonna complain about it

“tsukishima you’re so mean! why does (y/n) get tutoring and not us :((“

insert sugamama smacking hinata for his comment

you get girlfriend privileges bc tsukishima is vv soft for you :))

Tobio Kageyama

im sorry but our dumb dumb kageyama probably wouldn’t notice how sad you seemed

hinata probably said something along the lines of “hey did you have a fight with (y/n)? she seems sad :((“

it’s not that he doesn’t care!! trust me he really does he’s just mostly focused on volleyball and doesn’t know how you feel unless you tell him

after hinata says that he starts to focus on you more, trying to see if what hinata said was true

if you DO seem sad, he’s gonna panic because he doesn’t know what to do

if you DONT seem sad bc you’re good at hiding your emotions, then he’s gonna call hinata ‘ bOkE!1!!1 ‘ because how dare he assume something about his gf

regardless of those things tho, he’s gonna start paying attention to you in general. he’s gonna try his best to understand your emotions because he doesn’t wanna upset you more!!

you’re most likely gonna feel his stares him a mile away. ppl are gonna think he hates you but in reality,, he’s just trying to understand your mood

one day while at school he noticed that you didn’t come. took him awhile to realize,, it was actually one of his teammates that said “where’s (y/n)? they aren’t with you?“ and he went into a mini panic mode because they’re right where’d you go?

realized that you weren’t at school and texted you

poor babey seemed lost without you because he spends most of his time with you

emo blueberry💙: you’re not at school? do you feel ok?

when you see his text you start to feel better because you know that he loves you and he’s worried bc you’re not there with him

kageyama begins to look back on his days spent with you

generally you seemed happy with him but there were times where you’d let your smile slip just a little

idk why but i headcannon that when it comes to relationships he’s vv inexperienced and doesn’t know what to do

as much as he’d hate to admit, he asked hinata it if he noticed anything off about you

when hinata tells him that you seemed distracted during breaks kageyama begins to do his journey on trying to find out what’s wrong

he asks his upperclassmen for advice and he actually uses what they say

after class he takes it upon himself to go to all of your classes to pick up any homework you might’ve missed

during practice you’re all he can think about which causes his sets to be a little off

daichi, being the kind dad he is, let’s kageyama leave early to go see you

kageyama enters your home and heads to your room. as he’s about to knock he hears sniffles clearly coming from you and he goes into panic mode

quickly opens your door and you two kind of just stare at each other awkwardly like,,

“uh, hi?“

he doesn’t understand how you could be so chill?? like you’re literally crying yet you’re acting as if you’re not

immediately asks if you’re alright, why you’re crying, etc.

once you tell him it’s because you don’t understand your schoolwork, he nods. he understands how you feel because he himself isn’t as good

he’ll tell you how it doesn’t matter if you don’t understand the material as fast as others because everyone learns at their own pace

he’ll slowly initiate a hug? it might be a little awkward because he doesn’t seem like he knows what he’s doing he really doesn’t but he hopes that it makes you feel better :((

he’ll drag you away from your studies for a bit if you haven’t taken a break and he’ll just cuddle you

AGAIN!! it might be a little awkward but pls he’s trying his best ok :((

if you end up falling asleep he’ll give you a little kith on your forehead :))

haikyuu mlist

requests open

[flying-elliska]

While I tend to take interviews that creators have with a grain of salt because they’re not gonna reveal spoilers and sometimes the specific creator has said things in the past that literally had to relevance, I still was like wow. the creator was basically like Eddie has doubts about Ana and he doesn’t know how he feels about any of it makes me wonder if they’ll have a breakup in s5. But idk. While they might break up, buck and Taylor will probs be together. I don’t hate them as a concept but like their getting together was weird as shit to me. I would’ve preferred it if there was a hint of something. Like we saw that it really affected Taylor thinking that buck had died, that he was being reckless but nothing happened but there was an air of something. Rather than jump to something in the finale. It cheapened them for me but they’re probs gonna be something so that’ll be something. It’s hard not to think that the creators and writers are not making buddie happen because it’s what a lot of people want. I’ve seen it happen where the white dude in charge gets mad and does the “unexpected”. One one hand, there are some ppl in this fandom that are intense as shit and need to chill the fuck out, but there is something there at this point. Before 4x13 I could probably see what they meant about their friendship being strictly platonic. But after that and the finale it’s like... if you want me to even care a little bit about their significant others, make an effort, because rn they sort of fade in the background compared to buck and Eddie. Like Ana? What is even her purpose except to show Eddie is in a relationship. But like there’s nothing there! Ugh ok sorry long rant over lol

haha rant ahead i love it when people rant at me

i do agree with a lot of what you said, it's pretty obvious to me that Ana and Eddie's relationship right now is doomed (if it isn't where they're going I'm going to call that bad writing, honestly)

and yeah, Buck and Taylor - wouldn't hate it if it was done well, because she's an interesting complex character who has shown a lot of growth, but this was just so overwhelming, it felt like an afterthought compared to everything else ? long term, i do think that this is going to be complicated, because Taylor has been shown to have commitment issues, so either they're going to show them work through that....or it could also be a big recipe for disaster lol. But it could also be a jumping point for Buck to figure out what (who) he wants and doesn't want in a relationship, that it's not just being in a relationship that completes him

as for what the creators think...honestly i've given up trying to figure that out lol, but i think it's more plausible that they didn't expect Buddie to be so popular, that they made a few jokes about in the show as a wink to the fans without realizing that the fans expect more now than just crumbs, and now it's like... something they're thinking about at least but still. might not be something that the network wants either. idk about the fandom's impact even tho yeah some parts of it are absolutely deranged, harassing the cast and acting as if they're on some sort of righteous political crusade like...chill this is fictional characters we're talking about, ffs. but if a creator decides not to do something just because of what the fandom wants, that's...very immature and stupid. from what they've said, i do have the feeling that they're trying to keep that artistic integrity of making decisions purely bc it fits their vision of the story, which would be good. but they could also be bullshitting us. who knows ? ugh

[wtfzodiacsigns]

How to tell if your crush is reciprocated based on their Sun Sign.

GEMINI

Gemini may be flirting with you and you may think omg they like me back, but be careful. Look at their next interaction. Oh they are flirting with that person too? Yep, that’s a Gemini for you. Naturally charming and flirtatious so flirting with you is not a good enough confirming sign. Gemini is a sign of nervous energy & when they are with their crush this nervousness can become quite apparent. They will talk and talk and talk but about nothing really & will probably say all sorts of strange things. Their nerves compel them to speak and they feel that conversation is a good way to snare u temporarily so they may bask in ur glory. If your Gemini suddenly becomes a nervous wreck or has a personality change (maybe becomes silent/shy) in your company they quite likely want you. 65 - 85% of the time though you will know a Gemini likes you because they invite u to everything & message u lots, but this depends on how many crushes they have on the go.  U could also ask one of their friends, cos everyone else will have the gossip. Gemmy in love can’t stop talking about u when ur not around.

ARIES

If you’re wondering if your Aries crush likes you back then sorry they probably don’t. This lot are very open when it comes to admissions of love/lust/whatever. If they like u, u will simply know. They’ll have told u already 100 times or at least it will be ridiculously obvious. Aries are very straight forward and they hate dilly dallying. If you’re the one they want they will get the ball rolling immediately. Expect lots of texts and a keen interest in meeting up & organising dates whatever. Straight forward people! Will prob show off in front of you whipping out all sorts of weird party tricks & jokes, making sure your eyes are always on them. May get obviously jealous if they see you having a good time with someone else. If you’re still unsure, just ask. They’ll be upfront if it’s a go or no.

LEO

Leo will let you know they like u. They might not simply text u, “ur the one for me x0x0x” but they will show u how they feel. Every time u hang out with Leo they will be trying to outdo the last d8. These are extravagant types & will do anything to ensure ur having the time of your life with them. If you let Leo be in charge and control these dates they are bound to like you even more, they love to be flattered too so dish out the compliments. Make them the centre of ur world. If they like u back you will receive compliments right back. Leo compliments are very genuine & feel very good to receive. They only compliment people they admire so it’s a good sign if they’re telling u how smart they think u are or how kind u are to those less well off or sexy u r or whatever. Leo will want to see u every day and probably for the majority of the day too. They can become very jealous of u spending time with anyone else & u will see this clearly, it’s unhealthy af but a good sign ur their crush.

TAURUS

If your Taurus crush cooks something amazing and time consuming for you then u can betcha they love ya. These are people who like to indulge in the good things in life and when they like you they will 100% share with you. Taurus is good at setting a romantic mood so if they invite u over to theirs “to just chill” and there’s low lighting and cushions and drapey fabric everywhere and some ambient dance music playing and a bloody cheese platter and red wine, yep this one wants you. Aside from that though it can be hard to tell if they are into you. Taurus likes to take a long time to get to know someone. They’re trying to work out if you are worth the hassle. With time though all becomes very apparent. You will probably have to be the one who brings your feelings into the open first and they may need time to process that, but if they come back to you smiling (possibly tipsy) well, mission accomplished.

CANCER

Hmm this isn’t an easy one to call. Cancers are moody and with them u may feel like yesterday u were their favourite person, but today they’re ignoring u but ur sure u  did nothing wrong! I’m sure u are in fact still their fave, it’s just Cancers are worry warts & maybe are scared that u don’t like them back so in a way shut u out for a while. When it feels like they like you though u two are probably eating something really great together, snuggling up watching something, feeling very much at ease in each others presence. Maybe they will read u their fave poem. There will be a lot of fun & quick back and forth chatting. A Cancer who likes you wants you to have a fun time with them so will keep the atmosphere light and silly. This is another of the signs where if you don’t know if they like you or not, you’re the only one wondering. They will have told everyone around them & will prob be writing a tweet about u right this second. Cancer is a warm & caring sign, if u get a lil papercut they will fuss over you like u lost a finger. If they introduce u to their parents then yep you have them.

VIRGO

Super picky Virgo will come to you when they deem u worthy of their time. Not an easy one to chase. These people want their partner to be perfect. If they are giving u the time of day, giving up their time, then u can feel safe and know they are most likely very keen. Once they decide ur the one they become fidgety & nervous in ur presence. Initially anyway. Virgo is a smarty pants intellectual sign so ur dates probably involve long discussions about idk pretty boring things. Tbh this a test. They’re checking that u can stimulate them. That ur on to it. It’s unlikely that they will open up much to u for quite some time. Let them know they can trust u & if they do end up talking feelings with u that’s a good sign they’re crushing on u too. Virgo will want to look after u and make sure ur healthy, eating good & happy, so will cook some super food salad, take u on a hike then listen to all your woes and hug u tenderly. They will dote on u but without displaying tooooo much affection. If u really want to know how they feel about u just ask them. They’re great communicators.

PISCES

Lol Pisces will prob be writing u a long love poem right now but most likely never give it to u. If u do receive a love poem, or maybe a brief but totally cute note then chances are u make them feel all mad butterflies and likely heart achy love sick. Pisces will incorporate u into their art when they like u. Maybe write songs about u (for u), send u long letters or draw silly pictures for u. Creativity is very important to them & so when they include u in this work it’s a given that they think u are important too. These cuties will give u so much time and affection when they like you. They will let u know that they are always here for u. They will let u in on all their deepest thoughts & feelings and describe in detail all their wildest dreams. With a Pisces u will prob see their affection for u in their eyes. Tho it may be clear they like u this sign wants a confirmation that it’s reciprocated before plunging in any deeper. So go ahead, let them know!

LIBRA

If Libra likes u they will want to spend a lot of time with u. They are happy to hang in group situations but will make efforts to get u alone. Libra is a very social creature so them wanting to just be with one person a a time & not in a gang is a great sign. Libra will find ways to touch u when they like u, they become very affectionate. Lots of hugs, hand holding, they will lean on ur shoulder. They can be like this with ppl who are just their friends tho so look out for them giving u special treatment. Maybe at the end of the night they gave u a prolonged hug while everyone else just got a quick squeeze. Libra might like u but can take a very long time to make their mind up so patience is key here. It’s possible that they will have even told u that they’re into you but they’re still not making the next move or maybe have distanced themselves from u. Show Libra that u rule & are worth it. They will appreciate the display of confidence. These guys can play hard to get, but stick with. A Libra who wants u will dress very well when they think they might see u.

SCORPIO

When Scorpio likes you the world revolves around u. Ur the one they will message first if they think up something fun to do. In a group they will ignore everyone else and just chat chat chat to u. They will wake up & think of u so send u a text. But they never straight out tell u how they feel. They prefer to work u out first. If they think u feel the same way, then they divulge. If they appear interested in u then they prob are. These Scorpios don’t fake interest. They only bother with those they truly want to be around. Sometimes u will look up and ur Scorpio crush will just be looking at u. They don’t even look away when u catch them. Just eye contact. Tbh they are prob thinking ‘wow i could just eat them up’ Sometimes you think your Scorpio crush fucking hates you, they can be quite rude and hostile to u & say cruel things u know they don’t say to other people. Forgive them tho, they don’t mean it and in fact like u a lot & just aren’t dealing with it very well yet.

CAPRICORN

If ur hanging out with one of their best buds & they are complaining that they haven’t text back but ur phone is vibrating non stop with messages from them, well they most def like u. When u get on a Capricorn’s radar, they will try and find out as much about u as possible. So when u hang out and they know u have 3 brothers and went to Steiner school but u never told them that don’t be shocked. Them admitting they know this info is a way of them telling u they are interested in u & ur life. They can treat u a bit hot and cold, & that stems from a fear of getting hurt. If u can prove urself trustworthy, Capricorn will tell u all of their secrets. And when u start feeling a bit like their private diary u can be 100% sure it’s a match.

SAGITTARIUS

When this lot like someone they try very hard to get their attention. If they see ur online they will quickly send u a message. The way a Sag crushes is pretty playground actually. Like they will show off to you & try and make u laugh by pulling faces & shit. Very playful. Sagittarius is an honest and open sign. They are likely to just tell you they like u. Especially if u seem sort of clueless about it.  In the same way though, if they don’t like u they will also let uknow. When around you a Sag will just smile and appear delighted if they’re crushing on u. If they’re up to something awesome & fun they are bound to invite u along. It’s pretty easy to tell with a Sagittarius, they don’t play games & are very straight foward. So if it seems good it most likely is.

AQUARIUS

U two will have to be good friends already. Aquarians view the friendship element of a romantic pairing to be the most important. So you’re friends and u already know they like u as such. How to work out if they potentially want to do pashing with u? Well, suddenly they will be more interested in the mundane aspects of ur life than ever. In the past a story of u forgetting to put the teabag into cup before u poured the kettle would have bored them to death. But now, they’ve never heard anything funnier. When Aqua is hot on u you become the funniest most interesting person in the world. Now you’re off to dinner at theirs expecting the whole gang to be around, but it’s just u and them. And there are candles on the table. Aqua can be romantic in a very cheesy way. How endearing! Best sign is that you have long long conversations that go well into the early hours & they just never get bored of what u have to say.

[ittybittypbandj]

The Internship - Chapter 1

Trying my hand at a multi-chapter Bittyparse fic! 5 chapters, weekly updates. Also on ao3. <3

Summary:

Eric Bittle arrived in New York two weeks ago, newly single and ready for a fresh start. This internship was just what he needed to jumpstart his life.

Kent Parson loved his life in New York. He was at the peak of his NHL career. He had friends, the world's greatest cat, and everything he thought he needed.

He never expected a small Southern blonde to burst into his life and turn everything on its head.

Bitty frowned hard at the red bowtie. He twisted away from the mirror, tugging it off as he reached for the lavender one. Lordy, lavender was just as bad. How had all his favorite ties had become gauche overnight?

His mama had reassured him over Skype last night, "Don't worry, Dicky. You'll do great. You'll charm the socks off 'em. Before you know it, they'll be movin' you over to that food magazine you love so much." And he was gonna prove her right. He just needed to put in a little time, show them what he could do.

But how could he do it in a tie that screamed I don't know what I'm doing and by the way I’m bad with animals?

Okay fine, maybe it wasn't the tie's fault. If this were Jack’s first game of the season, Bitty would be reminding him to breathe right about now. He would be alright. He was Eric Richard Bittle. He could land a double Axel with his eyes closed and bake a flourless chocolate cake in Georgia in July. He could do this.

Bitty had moved to Brooklyn two weeks ago, eager to start his new internship in Manhattan. For the next three months he would be a Social Media Associate for Fancy Feline cat food. The job paid a stipend - not much, but enough to finance his matchbook-sized bedroom and name-brand butter - and there was a possibility at the end to extend his contract. It wasn't exactly his dream job, but what was a boy supposed to do? A year out of college, a degree in American Studies, and no experience? Employers weren't exactly banging down his door with offers.

A year ago, Bitty thought Jack was his future. At graduation, he had plans of moving in with Jack, finding a job in Providence, and settling down into their shared life.

After Bitty moved to Providence, he’d sent resume after resume to employers but couldn’t find a job. Jack was out of town frequently and Bitty didn’t have any local friends – Lardo and Shitty and Holster and Ransom were all in Boston, which was just far enough away to be logistically difficult – and he found himself more isolated than he expected.

Bitty also realized that he’d only experienced Jack’s intensity and anxiety through the rosy lens of infatuation. They both struggled with the shift in their living situation, lord knows it was as hard on Jack as it was on him. In April when Jack’s playoff run ended abruptly from a wrist injury and an eight-week recovery, Bitty’d been ready to poke out his own eye rather than face another day of both of them at home, dancing around the fact that this just wasn’t working.

And so, after they’d finally talked and cried and shared a joint session with Jack’s therapist, Bitty and Jack called it quits and Bitty tearfully phoned Lardo to break the news. He’d stayed on her and Shitty’s lumpy couch in Boston for two months while Shitty called in a family favor and helped him land this internship.

Even after everything, Bitty was feeling hopeful. All he needed was a few months' experience and a job on his resume more substantial than ‘running a baking vlog’. He took a deep breath and released it, checked his hair one last time, queued up Queen Bey on his headphones, and headed for the subway.

_/_/_/ \_\_\_

Bitty’s first day at the office was a whirlwind of new faces and information. Meesha, Bitty’s fellow intern and apparently the person in charge, led him on a brisk tour through the office and he practically skip-jogged to keep up with her. While they walked, she peppered him with information about the department.

"You’ll coordinate the images and story for all the social media platforms, and you’ll directly manage the endorsement relationships." Meesha glanced over her shoulder to check that he was keeping up. "I do all the site and ad placement, and Tito runs the admin side. We're all a hot mess this week prepping for Kit, but don’t worry - we'll get you settled in just fine."

"Kit?" Bitty asked.

"Oh yeah, Kit Purrson. She's launching as the face of Fancy Feline in, like, three weeks. Totes adorbs and has a crazy-ass following. We've got, like, a zillion things to do to get ready. I'm sure you'll jump right in. You've used Visio, right?"

By lunch, Bitty’s head was swirling with acronyms and spreadsheets. It felt a little like in figure skating when he’d come out of a scratch spin too fast - the world was wobbly and the colors were spinning, but he was confident it would right itself if he grinned and skated through it.

"Heeeey, how's our new boy doin'?" someone yelled as they passed his and Meesha’s cubicle. Bitty spied styled black hair over the cubicle wall.

"Hey Tito!” Meesha called back. “He's great!"

Tito appeared from around the corner, eight coffees in two to-go containers balanced masterfully on one arm. He read the lids and carefully passed one to Meesha. "You guys ready for our guest today? I’m totally having him sign something.”

Meesha rolled her eyes as she inhaled the fragrant coffee. “You are seriously the lamest. Sports are a consumerist construct and the guy is basically, like, Kit’s chaperone. She’s the real star.”

Tito laughed and offered a cup to Bitty, “Hey Eric, I wasn’t sure what to get you. How’s a vanilla sugar oat milk latte? It’s the special across the street.”

Bitty grinned. “Thanks, hon!” His first day was turning out pretty great.

Meesha steered Bitty into a large conference room. Tito ran to his desk for a hat and marker before joining the people assembling around the conference table. Lordy, he hadn’t been lying about an autograph. Who was this guy?

A dozen folks chatted quietly around the table. Their guest was apparently running late, and Meesha took the opportunity to fill Bitty in on launch plans. As she was explaining the finer points of multi-platform synchronization, Bitty heard a man’s laughter down the hall. His ears perked up. Did he know that voice? Surely it couldn’t be –

Bitty’s head jerked up as an effortlessly well-dressed man in a royal blue snapback stepped into the room. Their eyes locked.

Oh lord. Kent Parson.

_/_/_/ \_\_\_

Kent scowled at Kit, his chin resting on his hands on the cold hardwood.

“C’mon, baby, you’ve got to eat it.”

Kit sniffed the dish daintily, nonplussed.

“I know, princess,” he wheedled, “but daddy’s going to make you the most famous li’l furbaby on the internet. You’ll pass grumpy cat like he forgot how to frown. All you have to do is eat the gross food.”

Kit mrowled in disapproval and Kent rearranged his awkward limbs. So this is what his adulthood had come to, he mused. Two condos, three sports cars, a slew of hockey awards, and apparently a cat too picky to eat the goddamn food she was paid a shitload of money to represent.

Tonight’s standoff had lasted an hour, and Kent would be damned if he let Kit win again.

He scratched his nose. He probably should be doing the prep work the Fancy Feline team needed before Kit’s photo shoot. At the meeting today, they’d given him a to-do list that rivaled his off-season training goals. He was supposed to check with Eric Bittle if he had any questions.

Speaking of which, why had Eric Blast-from-the-Past Bittle even been there today? Kent would have appreciated a goddamn heads-up, that’s for sure.

Eric looked good, he thought. A little taller and sharper than he remembered. His hair game was on point. Kent had only seen him a couple times in the four years since the Samwell party where they first met, and of course Eric had grown up, but seriously – he was hot now.

But why the hell was he in New York City? And was this related to the charming, old-man text messages Jack had started to send Kent out of the blue a month ago?

Kent debated texting Jack to ask, but it was a horrible idea. Either Jack and Eric were still together and Jack would send awkward Canadian nonsense about how great Eric was, or they weren’t together and Jack would get pissed and shut Kent out of his life again.

Kent sighed and climbed to his feet, heading to the refrigerator for Kit’s specialty wet food and a glass of white wine to wash down the bitter taste of defeat. He would fight the cat food battle another day. As Kit scarfed down hand-seared filet mignon, Kent sipped his wine and fiddled with his phone.

Kent: hey dude what’s up? I saw your boy today.

Jack: Hey Kent.

Jack: What?

Well shitballs, this was already turning out to be a terrible idea. No turning back now, Kent reasoned.

Kent: Eric was at a business meeting today. all suited up and shit.

Kent: what’s he doing in NYC? u guys ok?

Jack: Oh.

Jack: We broke up in April.

Kent: shit Zimms, that really blows. he seemed like a cool guy

Jack: Yeah.

Kent: sometimes it just doesn’t work out, y’know? i’m sure you’ll find somebody great

Jack: How was the meeting?

Kent: oh

Kent: it was good. boring as watching ice melt but productive I guess

Kent: eric looks good, I mean not in a weird creepy way but he looks like he’s doing ok?

[Jack is typing…]

[Last message received 8:54pm]

Kent: hey, did you see the new netflix show where ordinary people recreate fancy cakes and that crazy lady yells at everybody?

Kent: it’s the tits

Jack: No, but I’ll check it out.

Kent: dooo iiit

Jack: What’s the name?

Kent: fuck if I know. it’s the one with the previews of nasty looking cakes and ppl getting screamed at. you can’t miss it. it’s a goddamn gem.

Jack: Sounds like it.

Jack: And, thanks Parse. I’m glad he’s doing OK.

Kent: no problem man

Kent: any time

_/_/_/ \_\_\_

Bitty paced all eight feet of his bedroom, back and forth, back and forth.

He was supposed to be starting a new life! In a city of eight million people, how had he stumbled upon the one person connected to his life with Jack? And how was he supposed to be professional and work with said person, when everyone (well, maybe just Bitty) knew that he was secretly a manipulative asshole?

Good gracious, he might be freaking out just a little. He needed reassurance. Who could he talk to that knew the situation and would be supportive and not weird?

Bitty: LARDOOOOO

Lardo: BITTTYYYY

Lardo: Why the yelling, Bits?

Bitty: I am coordinating a photo shoot at Kent Parson’s house next week. KENT PARSON’S HOUSE

Lardo: That’s sick bro.

Lardo: They’re giving you a lot of responsibility right away. Nice.

Bitty: -_-;

Bitty: I think you’re missing the point

Bitty: KENT PARSON KENT PARSON KENT PARSON

Lardo: Lol Bitty cool your jets. He’s been pretty chill lately, hasn’t he?

Bitty: If you mean ‘not making my boyfriend have any more panic attacks’, then yes he’s been chill

Bitty: But I’d say that’s a VERY low bar to hurdle

Lardo: Have you met him yet? How was it?

Lardo: Does he know you and Jack broke up?

Bitty: I’m pretty sure he didn’t know who I WAS

Bitty: Period.

Lardo: No way, dude. You’ve meet him multiple times, right?

Bitty: twice, 3 times if you count the disaster at the Haus

Lardo: He totally remembers you, dude. You’re unforgettable.

Lardo: You’re like a delightful minor superhero.

Lardo: You’re Antman.

Bitty: Ugggghhh this is the worst

Bitty: and Antman, seriously? We are SO gonna talk about that later

Lardo: Bitty, bro of my heart, it’s truth time. You sitting down?

Bitty: *sits*

Lardo: Good.

Lardo: Here’s the thing. Kent Parson is just a dude. A dude with some fucked-up history respective to one JLZ, but still just a dude.

Bitty: I know, but…

Lardo: Hush, Padawan.

Bitty: -_- *hushes*

Lardo: He’s probs not an evil person. You’ve only ever seen him in relation to J, and they went thru some messed up shit as kids. When he’s not dealing with that, he’s probably a boring-ass adult with a job and a cat. You can’t judge him forever based on the 3 times you’ve met.

Lardo: Was he awful the other times?

Bitty: Well no, mostly just at Epikegster

Bitty: But he was Really Bad that time

Lardo: I get it Bits, but if that’s his only awful moment, then the dude already has like a 67% not-awful rate.

Bitty: So you’re saying I’m all worked up over nothin?

Lardo: Maybe? Give him a chance.

Lardo: You don’t have to be BFFs. Just be professional and friendly until he gives you a reason not to be. If it turns out he’s a dickhead, you have my blessing to fuck up his shit.

Bitty: Thanks Lards. Mind if I snap you outfit choices later?

Lardo: Do it. Matching polish?

Bitty: Yes’m but toes only. I miss your help with fingers. It gets all smudgy when I do it

Lardo: I miss you, bro.

Bitty: You too :-*

_/_/_/ \_\_\_

Kent pressed the center button on his phone again…8:51am. This was officially the longest morning in the history of time.

So far he’d gone for a run, made a smoothie, showered, arranged the throw pillows, hidden the dopey photo of him and his sis at Disneyland, brushed Kit. Now he was sitting on the couch, running shoes bouncing on the marble coffee table as he waited for the Fancy Feline team to arrive. Maybe he should make coffee? He hopped up, re-fluffed the pillows, and headed to the kitchen.

The crew arrived promptly at nine, accepting the hot mugs of coffee Kent passed around. Eric shook his hand and started up a pleasant and professional stream of small talk as the photographer set up tripods and the assistant unfolded white umbrellas.

Unfortunately, Kit decided this was her party and she could hide if she wanted to. She spent the first hour perched on the bookcase, refusing to budge for treats or catnip.

Kent couldn’t blame her. Usually it was just her and him in the apartment, and even when he had people over, she generally ignored them and slept in the bedroom on the Monsieur Taco pillow he won her at Coney Island. Having a half-dozen strangers in her space, hovering over her with cameras and lights? He’d probably peace out too, if he were her.

After thirty minutes and no success, Kent relinquished the catnip to the assistant and excused himself to start a fresh pot of coffee. From the kitchen counter, he found himself watching Eric.

Eric was frowning as the drama unfolded, his lean torso hunched in concentration. His right foot tapped impatiently on the rug. It wasn’t Eric’s job to get Kit to participate. Eric had explained this to Kent while they were setting up, that his role today was to make sure they got all the shots they needed for the campaign.

As Kent watched him now, Eric nodded to himself like he’d made a decision and marched over to the bookcase. He began talking animatedly with the photographer and gesturing rapidly, taking charge of the situation like a tiny major general. Kent was impressed. Hell, even Kit watched him with interest.

Kent felt a little like a jerk – he’d always thought Eric was childish and annoying, based on their past brief interactions and Eric’s animated Twitter feed (not that he’d internet stalked him, pssh). But maybe Kent had it wrong. This version of Eric seemed full-to-bursting with charisma and natural leadership. Hell, even Queen Kit respected it.

As Eric directed the strategy to coax Kit off her perch and over to the windowsill, Kent couldn’t help but stare. Eric glowed warm and golden, like Southern sunlight was radiating from his pores. He looked good in control.

Kent’s stomach did a pleasant swoop as he thought about Eric taking control in other ways. Or what it would take to convince Eric to give up that control, to go soft and pliant and let Kent – or someone, whatever – do the controlling.

His chest tingled warmly. This probably wasn’t the best train of thought for a professional gathering; nothing like sporting a quarter chub at ten a.m. with people here to photograph your cat. He sighed, rearranged his junk, and headed back into the living room with the coffee pot.

The rest of the shoot ran smoothly. Kit, once she felt comfortable, totally hammed it up for the camera. Eric took behind-the-scenes videos and sent the best ones to Kent. They all shared high-fives when a video Kent tweeted of himself ineptly juggling cat toys got retweeted by George Takei. In celebration of their good social media fortune, Kent poured everyone mimosas.

Before Kent knew it, it was late afternoon and the photographer’s assistant started to disassemble the equipment. Eric herded everyone to the sofa where he handed out packets of instructions and debriefed them on next steps, and then the crew shook hands and headed out one by one.

As Kent shut the door after the last person, he wandered into the kitchen to find Eric still in the apartment, loading the dishwasher.

“Dude, you really don’t need to do that. I can do it after you go.”

“Kent Parson,” Eric scolded, “my mama would never forgive me if I left a host with a mess to clean up. It’s nothin’, really.”

“Thanks, man,” Kent replied. It was cool of Eric to offer and, if Kent was being honest, he probably would have left it a mess until his housecleaner came tomorrow. He started to consolidate cardboard containers of Chinese food.

They worked in silence in the spacious kitchen, making quick work of the cleanup. Kent caught Eric humming to himself. He recognized the tune – All For You by Janet Jackson – and sang along to Eric’s humming.

Eric let out a surprised huff, his cheeks pink. “Oh lordy! Was I singing that out loud?”

Kent just laughed and pulled out his phone, and one of his favorite pop mixes began playing from hidden speakers. Eric bopped his head to Janelle Monae as he dried the glasses. Kent lip-synced into a bottle of soy sauce like it was a microphone.

As Kent reached around Eric’s shoulder to place the wine glasses on a high shelf, their eyes met and Kent winked. He’d enjoyed a few mimosas and Eric was cute, so sue him. He just thought it’d be fun to make Eric blush, and his efforts were thoroughly rewarded. Eric’s blush spread from his face down his neck, reddening the soft skin at the base of his throat.

Kent felt the warm tingly feelings in his chest again. Shit, Eric was cute.

Abruptly, Eric turned and said, “I really should get going. We’ve got the kitchen under control and I need to upload these videos before tomorrow.”

Kent felt oddly deflated, although of course Eric was going to leave when they finished cleaning. He should probably apologize in case his wink had made Eric uncomfortable. Kent spent his days around gross hockey players, maybe he’d just committed some corporate sexual harassment shit and he didn’t even know it. Kent fished around for something to say that didn’t make him sound like a creeper.

He smiled and tried, “Kit really enjoyed having you here today. You’re good with cats.”

“Ha, thanks.” Bitty twisted the dishtowel in his hands. “I’m not really a cat person, but Kit’s great. Y’all’ve got a really special bond.”

“Maybe you could come over and get some more candid shots sometime?” Kent made a face. For Christ’s sake, he sounded ridiculous. “I mean, the ones today were really good.”

Eric’s face did something complicated. Kent watched him bite his bottom lip.

“Thanks,” Eric replied finally, “but no. I should go.”

“Oh,” Kent exhaled, “Yeah, of course. Sure thing, man.”

Kent helped Eric retrieve his things and walked him to the entryway. As Kent shut the door behind him, he rolled his eyes to the ceiling.

He was so fucked.

[selkienicke]

Tune in for 'Jamie overanalyzes hockey players emotional states for twenty minutes' lmao

Someone called me out on this post for indirectly @ing Sidney Crosby, which I kind of was and kind of wasn't. I did talk about him a little more directly in some tags on Ovi carrying the POW trophy over to the team (i said this earlier off the cuff but like i genuinely think its very cool how excited (ovi) is for this. i feel like a lot of Hockey Culture is like ’you have to be humble and act like no honors matter’ which like! Has value! For sure! but also!!! Its nice to be excited you did a good job and alex is an EXTREMELY gracious winner. i can fucking tell you i would have been way less cordial in that handshake line. idk i like that alex is always excited about winning things small big w/e i like that he is like ‘I get to do what i love with ppl i love and that is pretty damn great’ and Not to be That Bitch but like! the whole team feeds off that energy stay loose stay joyful get another is what im sayin) That is still not super direct, but yes, a lot of what I mean by Hockey Culture is the worship cult of Sidney Crosby. (And not just him! I think Crosby also comes from a specific cultural tradition of Canadian hockey. I don't know enough about Gretzky or Lemieux to really speak to this, but I do know their personalities/ways of relating to hockey massively inform both Crosby as a person and the way sports personalities frame Crosby.) And like I said, I don't think that way of approaching sports is bad. I have a lot of instinctive, almost visceral, dislike of Crosby, in a way that is difficult for me to articulate. I think a lot of it is just pure emotion: I don't like that he is talented, and that he opposes the team I want to win. I think, though, that there is also an element of like...idk. I think sometimes the thing you hate the most is the thing that you would be if you were slightly more privileged? This probably isn't true for everyone, but there is something deeply unpleasant about being forced again to see that you do not like or love yourself. I would probably be a lot like Sidney Crosby, if I had his talent and his luck. I don't like personal accolades, or the spotlight. I can sympathize with the way he is under a vast and unimaginable amount of pressure, and has been so since a young age. I think that the way he copes with that is by overemphasizing luck and downplaying skill. I also think, as a Leo and a responsible person, you are incredibly prone to the massively egotistical and massively exhausting mental loop of: I center the world, the world out of balance is my fault, therefore I must fix it. I fix it, I have only done my duty. I fail, this is all on me. I think how intensely painfully superstitious and anxiety-ridden Sidney Crosby is is fascinating. I feel like he has an impressive level of respect and fear for the awful power of luck, a deep awareness of the fact that hard work and skill only takes you so far in life. Idk, I think all hockey players know that, and they all cope with it differently. Ovi, imo, tends to distance himself from that fear through select and intense compartmentalization. Part of why I like Ovi so much is that he is self-worshipful. He loves himself, and his skill. He named his dog after himself! He has an Ovi museum! And like, I think that can come off as self-centered and obnoxious but I genuinely don't think it is. (Mostly bc he is, as I said, extremely generous with praise and a very gracious winner). Idk, not to be overly simplistic but in a nutshell, the quote "Russian machine never breaks" is telling. I feel like Ovi, mentally, treats his talent as a separate and inhuman deity-being. Something to be fed, and trained, and appeased. Something to lay honors at the feet of. Something that may only favor you for so long, so love and appreciate it while you can, while you have it. I think, at the core, it is two divergent reactions to being in a massively high-stakes game that relies on both your effort and a huge amount of factors you have no control over. Do you brace yourself, lay low and be grateful for one more, one more, one more? Or do you charge out into the field with both arms open, determined to take as much as you can before you're shut out? I think the thing is, both of these reactions are going to rub someone the wrong way. For me, I desperately wish I could feel Ovi's fierce joy at his own success. I wish that everything I succeed at did not feel like another reproach for past and future failures. I wish that I didn't feel only relief at doing better than was expected of me. This is another reason I think the sort of...attempt to set up an Ovi/Crosby rivalry has always failed. Because the thing is, I think Crosby also kind of wishes he could lean into that raw joy a little more. I think that's why he likes Geno Malkin so much, because Malkin's emotions are close to the surface and because he insists that he will take space and that he has earned it. (I think also, that Ovi loves no one so much as weird hockey cats, who are good, know they are good, are never good enough for their own internal standards. I think he admires that relentless perfectionism, that drive to keep going as hard and as long as you can. That Nicklas Bäckström attitude of, “Okay that’s one. Get another.” It’s very Virgo-y, and Ovi is absolutely a Virgo whatever else he might be.) Idk, there are a loooooot of complicated threads to this that I simply don't know enough to untangle. Russian and Canadian hockey both have long and complicated histories. Both tend to produce a certain type of emotional response to pressure, to success, to failure. Both have their own rules and norms and problems. I'm also thinking a lot about the split reaction to Jonathan Marchessault's sort of over the top cocky confident celebration vs. what the reaction was to P.K. Subban doing something similar. (In a nutshell, it is okay and even praiseworthy for a white dude to be confident. It is not okay and egotistical/too self-serving when a black man is confident). This doesn't really apply to the difference in the way Ovi and Crosby are read, but I do think it is an aspect of NHL talk culture to keep in mind. Maybe by this I just mean, NHL sports reporting tends to be hypocritical, and to fail at acknowledging nuance, and that sometimes just because one thing is good does not mean its opposite is bad.

This is mostly just About Me, but this is also related to why I love Braden Holtby so much. I think he (and also Kuzy) balance these two extremes really well. I think they both manage to stay calm and collected (well, Kuzy is emotionally OTT lmao and I love that about him, but he also imo flows through emotions quickly, and does not dwell on failure/get stuck in the way I’m talking about with both Ovi and Crosby) and to keep going. Holtby and Kuzy both are excellent players and know it, are capable of being happy with how they have done and successes they have had, and are also capable of reorienting and moving forward once those successes (or failures) are in the past. I think in a lot of ways this middle ground is the healthiest, but I find the extremes more fascinating, and they tend to provoke much stronger negative/positive emotional responses from me.

Because like, I admire that ability to keep to the middle ground, but that ain't me kids.

[jjinomu]

I'm sad that the apocalypse is over but thank you for doing it!! It was super fun to see how it went. I have to ask, do you have any hc's for the vocaloids? Like how they act and stuff...? I don't mind which ones you do if you do any at all.

oh pshh don't worry about the wedding apocalypse it's still going to carry on, i just kinda "postponed it" in a way due to my net problems ehehehe but im glad ur liking the turn out it is really fun!!!

ANYWAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY THE QUESTION I HAVE BEEN WAITING TO ANSWER MY WHOLE LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!! BLESS U i love talking about headcannons SO MUCh this might take a while lmao bc yes i have LOTS OF lil weird hc's for the vocaloids hehe 

i'll talk about my HC for the crypton 5 (and if they were like a family living together in a house bc thats how i see it) also SUPER LONG BC oBViously

MEIKO:- meiko iS SUPER COOL!!! she is like SUPER COOL and charismatic and super reserved and i love meiko and she'll protect the crypton fam with her life- she's a lil quiet too but doesnt mind chipping in a few snarkly lil remarks at ppl who are doing the wrong thing (she’s also a shorty)- she's pretty stern and the tsukkomi of the whole crew and she can get super cynical when she thinks about things- when she gets flustered she gets really "what?? no way??? pft nO what"- like kuudere type but also super tsuntsun yknow wat i mean- for some reason i also hc her to watch a lot of romcom anime or read a lot of shoujo when there's noone around or she has nothing to do idk y- she doesnt know how to cook properly but ppl let her cook bc it makes her happy - when she drinks, her personality goes from reserved to more open and happy and she'll engage in a lot of skinship and bouts of affection- probably plays really good acoustic guitar (a genetic trait shared with her mother meiko haigo)

KAITO- kaito's a lil dorky and a lil silly, he's quite naive but also kinda clever about random shit like "the top of the eiffel tower is six inches shorter in the winter”- he's always happy and glad to help out and he's super charming- he can be a little embarassing due to his naivety- he's also super easygoing and friendly- except he doesnt really do much around the house bc noone gives him anything to do be they're scared he'll wreck the place by accident- he's a LOud man likes 2 cheer likes 2 be a proud dad- he probably doesnt work with technology he says its too much for him even though he is 100% a robot- so he sits and weeps and reads a lot of recipes so he can teach meiko when he has the balls to tell her she's not that gr8 at cooking- a neat cook - if kaito and meiko had a yt channel it'd be a family vlog channel lbr

MIKU- super clumsy??? she's really clumsy but she's also super lovable like noone can hate her (but noone can give her chores either bc she’ll break everything)- she does her absolute best all the time- if she had a yt channel it'd be for her music i mean wat do u expect- she feels sad if she reads a hateful comment about one of my fam on a video of hers and she'll do her best to cheer them up (e.g. if she sees a hateful comment about meiko, she'll make meiko some breakfast in bed even tho meiko is totally 100% cool with shit)- miku respects (and idolises) meiko and kaito a lot for setting out the carpet and allowing her to walk on it and supporting her 100% of the time so she wants them to always be happy and always be proud- miku also super respects luka and aspires to be as pretty and mature as luka- meiko sometimes lets miku join in her romcom weeb sesh for no reason (and only miku she doesnt trust anyone else w her big secret)- she prefers action a lil more so she watches with rin as well - meeks is like a super happy doggo 

RIN- super super cute but also ironically arrogant??? like she makes arrogant and insulting jokes for fun- she's a lil sarcastic and screams a lot for no reason- probably a huge weeb- she loves action type movies/shows/anime anything with fighting she's like HECK YEAH PAIN (she often pulls allnighters bingewatching so she's often joined with meeks and len and sometimes luka or she gets scolded by meiko)- she respects kaito a lot for just purely existing and being able to still exist and coming back from his time as a labelled "failure" (albiet she still makes insulting jokes towards him bc she thinks its funny)- she (and luka) are in charge of groceries bc rin knows her fruits and luka knows her fish - she pulls a lot of pranks on the rest of the family like if she had a yt channel it'd be for pranks- mostly on len poor len he suffers

LEN- suffering constantly at everyone's hand- he says he "dislikes" kaito and kinda talks down on him and denies kaito's presence and influence in his life, he considers kaito kind of embarassing and wonder why and how the rest can put up with him sometimes (but he still- even tho he wont admit it, kaito is his #1 nii-chan)- kaito always tries to be the best big bro and len appreciates that even though kaito usually stuffs up big bro stuff like teaching len how to sport (because sport is a concept kaito probably doesnt understand)- len's the cleaner of the house, he doesnt mind tidying up the places bc sometimes rin demolishes shit and she always blames him and he gets in trouble- he's also pretty reserved especially around his older sisters like meiko and luka and even miku, mostly because he respects them a lot - sometimes he can get pretty flustered if he's alone with one of the older girls because he doesnt really know what to do or say and he's too prideful of a person to ask kaito for assistance (he’s also the youngest, so aside from rin he’s pretty awkward with everyone)- rin and len as a power duo are a crazed frenzy though, if one pisses off the other it can be constant shouting for days until kaito or meiko break it up- they probably pull eachother's hair and scream about who can have the remote

LUKA- the most Quiet of them all- she's elegant she's beauty she's GRACE let her sit on my face- she’s super mature and helps meiko cook most of the time (which is y food is at least 50% better tasting if meiko were to cook alone)- despite that, she’s a totally closeted pervert w/ a thing for her mei-nee-san and lil imoutos miku and rin- she’s totally not allowed in laundry for that purpose- she’s a super good listener too, when meiko and luka go out to drink together it can get pretty deep- she kinda just appears?? in random places??? and people don’t really know how she got there- but she’s always so Cool i love luka bye

the end i was gna go on and on but that’s enough brief for now lbr

[fansfictionn-blog]

Dr. Fox I apologize I don’t usually write to ppl who have been on TV or in movies etc. but I stumbled upon your documentaries and I love them I wanted to just start off but the reason why I felt so compelled to write you is b/c after watching the 1st and now watching actually in the middle of the 2nd, I had to pause it and see if I was able to locate an email or something for you, which thankfully social media does pay off, I guess that’s if you actually see this message and log in yourself, anyway sorry again like I said I don’t normally do this, and barely go on Facebook unless for work purposes or to talk to someone I don’t have their number or something, I am writing b/c something has been eating at me after the 1st one and now moving onto the 2nd I couldn’t just let it go, it’s making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up and even the little I have on my arms and I have this really bad sinking in the pit of my stomach and I don’t mean to sound superstitious or anything like that, I’ve always just had gut feelings and have learned by ignoring them very young that I was getting them for a reason every time, I’m sure b/c you’ve been studying this so closely that you have picked up on this to however, sometimes I know from experience and being part my work and I guess you could call it a speciality I analysis things just naturally not just work and I’ve seen and even had happen to myself that when your involved with something or there’s a lot going on you may not notice things someone might catch on the outside without all the distraction however I am highly doubting that you haven’t probably said this or noticed it at some point but I haven’t heard it brought up yet by anyone in either documentary, and as I said I just have this weird reaction that I’ve never quite experienced from a film or documentary before and the same question and it’s even been a statement playing and questioning over and over in my mind since getting done with the first film, it seems that these encounters are primarily happening around our defenses, all the different countries militaries, the bases, important capitols, or countries important resources, even our pilots, planes, rockets, etc. for the most part, that’s where they seem to be spending a lot of time, other places the sightings for the most part seem to be quick and could really be on the way or coming back from idk any other way to put it other then surveillance and spying it seems, and if they didn’t have negative intentions by now after all the surveillance over these decades they should of made contact to the point where the government couldn’t have hidden it, if they meant us no harm don’t you think they wouldn’t be spending so much time around our ways to fight and protect ourselves and made contact to say hey we aren’t hostile and we can help you? But instead they aren’t, and I think that’s a huge concern not cause for panic but a cause for the governments to stop hiding it and come together to be proactive instead of reactive, and coming up with a plan together as a planet not different countries and have plans for all outcomes, but as an outsider looking in on these things as well as remembering something well nevermind it’s way to embarrassing and I actually can understand how some of the ppl you’ve interviewed feel now, I haven’t even begun to fully grasp what I’ve remembered but anyway, it’s been eating at me like I said for over an hour, idk why I’ve never had such a strong reaction like this and I felt almost kind of like my gut that feeling I’m having and my brain took over picking up my phone to try and find a way to message you about this, and as I’ve said I’ve never done this before but something was eating at me and almost screaming at me to do it, I probably sound crazy like I’m feeling right now but it’s ok I’m sure you’ve seen it as well and maybe didn’t put it in to not scare ppl, and if you have I’m happy, if you haven’t I’m even happier I messaged you, and hope you won’t take me for some crazy fan or fanatic, b/c I’m not, I mean to say I think you are very talented and have enjoyed your documentaries immensely and have learned so much today about something I’ve always believed in and thought, even though a lot ppl laughed at it, which I think is why I didn’t realize what I actually remembered was real and kind of blocked it out I guess, but anyway I was looking to understand the whole thing more after watching something that came out that my App suggested watching b/c it had been newly posted, and I was fascinated by it but it really only talked about 1 person and their experience, and the ppl involved in helping him and that’s it, and I was left wanting to learn more and I googled best documentaries on the subject and your first 1 was number 1 on the list I opened and from there I just wanted to learn more and hear more about what you found but also I couldn’t get that feeling to go away about where and what they seem to be targeting and spending the most time and most sighting around as well. So I don’t know a lot about this stuff, just my own beliefs and what I’ve learned from your documentaries today, I am as I’ve already told you not obsessed with social media and I don’t read any of those crazy articles, I have always been fascinated with the universe etc. but there’s not much out there like you have pointed out reliable for things like this and the stuff that is out there to me the reliable things anyway not tabloids are very in my opinion close minded about things like this and for a species that has advanced so far in just the last 100 yrs alone in technology and almost everything it seems when it comes to certain things like us evolving out of our arrogant we are the best and unique species every to be created so there can’t be any other life out there let alone more intelligent then we are so let’s just keep our heads buried in the sand when it comes to that still amazes me how close minded we can be, it wasn’t that long ago everyone believed the world was flat and those who didn’t thought at first and were treated like they were crazy, and so many more examples and yet here we are again, one thing we have down I think not everyone but more so then not, we don’t seem to learn from our past mistakes....its something that has always bothered me!  Anyway if you do get this and read it, I thank you so much for your time and I don’t expect to hear anything back from you, I’m sure your really busy, and again I’m sorry to bother you in your personal time, it’s not like I’m meeting you at some event for your work, again I’m so embarrassed and sorry to have to do so, I just couldn’t, I just had to write you about it, idk why really, and I’m not really even sure how the idea to try and contact you and write you even popped into my mind either not just looking up a way too. I also believe in silly things like fate and destiny and everything happens for a reason, who’s hand is in that idk, it could be some almighty being or in the stars idk but I don’t believe in accidents, not really big ones anyway, important ones, and as I mentioned I’ve learned to listen to that inner voice, gut instinct whatever ppl call it, I’ve never had it take over the way it did with this, probably so I couldn’t talk it out of doing this lol , ok I’m going to let you go now that I’ve mortified myself more, I really hope you do see this and get this message, even though I’m sure you’ve probably connected the dots as well, and if not then that must be why I was guided by something to write you and if so then maybe it was to bring it back up so that it can make a difference somehow hopefully, if they are as intelligent as there technology is which stands to reason they are, they don’t just do things randomly, and there’s a reason why they are coming and doing the things they do and going to the places they are going, and I think that also needs to be focused on as well, and I hope that the ppl who are in charge of things and protecting us take there heads out of the sand or stop worrying about hiding these things as much as they do and focus that time, energy, and drive even instead on figuring out how to protect us, and the first step in that would be to release everything to as many ppl as they need to like all the scientist in the world cause it’s going to take that many, so that they can take there heads out of the sand and stop thinking the world is flat, and actually see things and have all the knowledge that we have available about them and what we are dealing with as much information we have at least, so that they can hopefully figure out different plans when the time comes, for the different outcomes, and maybe once they do release the information all of it, there might be something that proves my gut feeling and what I noticed by stepping back and looking at everything from a outsiders point on what information I’ve seen so far and to me it reminds me of my grandfathers stories about being a cop and in the Air Force before they made a bust or when they were enemy territory, that’s what I’m seeing from looking at the information from the outside as a new person I guess kind of studying it now, and I do hope I’m wrong I hope that there is evidence that they are hiding that proves or even suggests otherwise, but I don’t think even if we did we should take any chances and not have a plan for every outcome, cause again learning from our own history, which a different planet and species possibly is just like a different country and race, things change, new leaders come in and change their minds, running out of a resource needed for survival another country has, and as you know the list goes on and on. It’s time we start to learn from our past mistakes throughout history, we are smarter then that, we have done so much in just 1 century, why it seems we can’t seem to evolve in ego is beyond me, and it seems like each time we do more and more ppl end up dying, I really don’t want to see the day that it ends up costing our entire existence and I’m sure you probably feel the same way....I think what you’ve done and are doing is wonderful and takes a lot of guts too! Not that my opinion means a lot but I’m sure you probably get either 1 extreme or the other for it, and for some reason we tend to hold onto and remember the bad more then good, so I just wanted to give you 1 more good to try and out weigh the negative you probably get at times.....it’s not easy I’m sure, a lot of ppl I think in someways wish that it was thought the world was flat, it was easier then to control things and keep ppl from wanting to grow more then the ones in charge are comfortable with, power over anything but especially ppl seems to bring out the worst in a lot of ppl, history also shows us that over and over and over again too....I find it very disturbing but also sad, Anyway I’m really going to end this this time, and say goodbye. Again thank you so much for your time if you do read this, and I hope that I did t bother you to much, and please know that I’m really not crazy, I know this message probably sounds and looks that way and I’m so sorry that it does, I hate that it does, I just had to message you about it, and I’m sorry that my only explanation is idk why other then my everything inside me was telling me screaming at me actually to do so and idk why other then a gut feeling I should and that it was important really really important to probably readdress it with you if nothing else. Thanks again for your time and your amazing work, I wish you all the best with your future projects and will be looking out for them, and in the meantime learning as much as I can, from reliable information as I can in the meantime cause I can totally understand your obsession as you put it, you’ve sucked me in!!!! Lol Best of Luck and wonderful wonderful job!!!

[deadcatelog]

chaha,, this is why i ended up crying on the sidewalk at 12am outside of a public event i’d brought a ticket for because i wanted.......  i thought we both wanted to go........ she told me she was in the city then suddenly she says she realized she was actually in longisland and about 2hrs away from the city........ even when.

i thought were going to do something fun together again for once, since it’d been so long...... i sai d i wanted to go see it and she said she wanted to come and i told her where i was.. she has a car and i took the train which is a lot slower and; she never responded? we used to talk for hours.. then about an hour, or a little more than an hour away? maybe 2? from when the event was soupposed to start she told me she was hanging out in a lounge with some of her other friends. drinking and partying? i was nt mad she was enjoying herself but i was peevedshe didn’t even tell me she was back in the city.... even if that was the case that she ever wasn t omg... it wasso close to when the even was soupposed to start. there’s no cell service in the subway and my phone was abt to die. i texted her asking, i don’t remember? omething about the event.i think i told her i was an hr away from it and since we were both in different places and w diff. transportation situations... she took so long to respond... my phone was about to die.. im so fucking easy to fool lmao, i was curled up in the corner of a room after i finally walked in the event charging my phone for 2 hrs (the event was 3 hrs) waiting for anything... she always lets her phone die when shes out late at night. my phone was on 1% so i thought maybe hers was too so i stopped thinking about it and just sat at the bar and listened to the music. i think my last text to her was “are you coming?” i woke up in the middle of the day the next day and there was just still no response.. i should have expected this. she’s been so cold lately. she probably just realized what a fucking mess and a burden i was and that she didn’t have to do that once she saw how normal people acted towards each other. she probably didn’t want to deal with the stress......she was being nice about it and i was being an idiot. last time we hung out i pointed out that there was this function in manhattan while we were in queens after getting something to eat, we spent all day in queens until she led me into a dunking donut and sat down and we sat there for hours. she said she had to charge her phone. she had a portable charger. right before this she kept telling me how tired she was and how she wanted to go home and i protested but then i was like... ok thats fine ur tired lets go to ur car and i’ll see u off but she told me she’d parked really really far away.i didn’t mind, she was the last person whose company i enjoyed. i was so scared of the idea  that she wanted nothing to do with me. we stayed in that fucking donut shop for hours. i was tired too so i got a double expresso so we could hang out like we’d sai we’d do.... like i’d traveled 2hrs for to do.... she didn’t even talk to me almost the entire time, she was jst staring at her phone. maybe complaining about how i wouldn’t take a hint. i don’t even know who those ppl r she never told me anything about them besides the fact that some of them were older than her and they went out drinking together often. she sounded like she really liked them. i didnt care that she had other friends whose company she enjoyed so much... it made me happy to see how well she was doing after hs. god im such a fool. i’m so fucking stupid im literally fucking retarded. she;d been acting weird and distant for months. i thought that was just what is was like watching your hs friends grow up when u two were in completel different situations but there were so many times where i’d toss all my plans to prepare to travel/hang out w her just to show up and suddenly she didn’t have the time bc she had something she had to do that ...just so happened to be starting like 10 minutes after i’d traveled all the way across manhattan to see her... im a fucking idiot. she probably decided she didn’t like me anymore a long time ago after nothaving to deal w me every day and was probably trying tolet me go easy by letting me chose not to make the same dumb decisions over and over but i was so desprate to hold onto her bc no one else talks to me. an y sane person wouldn’t have stood up for that... and some times i did say to her that what it wasn’t cool to call me over and say we should hang out only to tell me she’d have to bail for an interview or something she was scheduled for like a week b4 we met up or something. she never responded to those texts. i was so scared she would decide she was mad at me and done dealing with me so i never mentioned them again even though it fucking hurt. i felt like a toy being tugged around when she got bored but immediately threw away when something else, something more important than leisure of course, came up. i dont know how to make friends. looking back on it, were we even really best friends like i thought? we were only friends for a year, maybe that wasn’t enough? i enjoyed her comapny... and S’s comapny, and sometimes A’s company so much... especilly when we were all thogether even if it was just in class. maybe im just being inconsiderate and i cant see why so im jumping to conclusions bcfrom my point of view i’m?? everything hurts again. im always the fucking dummy, the crazy psycho weirdo that even the nicest ppl could see needed to be put down before it hurt anyone or them. even someone as blind as me can see it in their fucking eyes. they get wide, they back up a bit or hunch their shoulders and stop talking and my fucking dumbass just walks forward and keeps running my dumb mouth bc all i think of it is ‘oh! what happened? they wont be able to hear me from that far away i’ll walk closer and keep taling’ ad now im just  afucking angry loser screaming like a fucking toddler on the floor about how unfair the world is when the truth is nobody deserves to fucking have to deal with me. mr g was right to fucking hate my entitled guts. ms garia was right to fucking hate my guts too while putting on a huge fake grinthat i just saw as proof that what i thought she was probably thinking of me was just my outlandish brain trying to make me feel like the entire world was fucking against me when in reality that wasn;t the case when in reality that was the case because they have a fucking reason to be. even though i wasbeginning to ate my uncle for basically cornering me all the time and listing off all the ways he thought i was stupid and disgusting and a pain to have around wasn’t he fucking right? it i it cant just i cant just run around being offended by everyone in the world and giving them the silent treatment-- even if i thought i was giving them space,how could they fucking know?? 

there probably isnt a person on this planet that would feel sympathy for my fucks. ed up situation because they suddenly have to deal with treating this entitled stupid bitch super delicately  least she hurt them. i don’t even know what i do to hurt them, but i do it anyways. im 100% sure that its just by being me. my mother always fucking screamed at me since i was little how much of a curse i was on her. i can’t imagine my brother came out of nowhere with what he was thinking when he stomped upstairs and choke slammed me against my fucking bed and screamed in my face while he shook me and stepped on my laptop after i took my food back. he called me ungrateful. he yelled it to me straight in my ear as if to force it into my head. i don’t even remember being ungrateful?? he talked about brining home food he let me eatallthe time like white astle but i thought i’d always expressed my gratitute but maybe i didn’t?? i don’t remember. i always felt like id din. 

there’s a fucking REASON why EVERYONE i meet thinks im a fucking liar and more than worthy of their distain and being put in my place whether it meant i’d get my feelings or my fucking face hurt. everyone wants me to apologize to my brother. and my mother. everyone thinks im being an unreasonable cunt. EVERYONE in my family has shown distain or disapointment in me. it doesnteven fucking matter that i was ableto get into one of the best schools in the country. now i just get even more people outright avoiding me or confronting me bout how much of a fucking disgrace they think i am. my fucking exsistance is always a major fucking burden on everyone around me. it just keeps happening again and againandn again and i keep trying to change but the cycle never stops. it doesnt matter how good of a persn i run into, after having to deal w me for a few weeks they’ll start pushing me out of the way if im walking too slow or step on my toes or avoid me and talk about me behind my back. i can imagine it.... i’ve always told myself i was wrong and oerthinking myself but it always turns out to be true and its always worse than i imagned they’re always way more pissed off at me for my bullshit and that hurts more than any ~over anxious thinking~ i could tell myself. they dont deserve to have to deal with a fucking demon like me but im fucking human too and it hurts so fuking bad. i an see how much they hate me or are pissed to have to put up with me. my uncle told me a few weeks ago that he wish i knew how much he wanted to fucking hurt me when he came back to his apartment and saw the mess i made... i swear to god i was letting the fucking meat defrost... it was 1am bu i was up the entire time; i was making burgers. there were two and the first one was fucking raw and frozen on the inside despite deforsting it in the microwave. he asked me over and over again when school was starting again. i wanted to cry at how obvious it was he wanted me fucking out. i thought i just had bad luck witht my mom but that made me realize it wasn’t fucking bad luck it was all my own fault. probably from the very beginning. i couldn’t help that i didn’t want towash the dishes then and did eveything i ould to get out of it with her. i couldn’t help that even though i did wash the dishes and cleaned up after myself that i let everything aroun d me get so bad before i did something about it. back then i just didnt want to do it and i thought it was unfair that i was always the one to clean the dishes all the time while tony only had to tae out th e trash once a week or so. every time she told me to get off my ass and wash the dishes it was so fucking full it made me mad that i was cleaning up after everyone else. and every time i pointed that out of course both of them were aginst me. she and he told me in their own ways they bot h thought it was only fair. 

that fucking bitch. she wasn’t even anywhere close to fucking proud when i got into columbia. her voice was flat the entire time, i tried to get her excited so hard. i knew she cared about money, i told her how much money a school like this could help me make and it was basically fucking radio scilence. and i wasn’t even anywhere comfortable, i was at this place in brooklyn (fucking brooklyn, fuck brooklyn) for this other girl i’d just become friends with (that’s a lie, i dont become friends w ppl idk how she just picked me up like a dog off the dtreet. she told me she liked to do that with people once)and this new teacher that got so pissed at me when i wandered off like i wasn’t fucking 30 days off from being 18 years instead of 8 years old... my heart was singing. i’d finally gotten into my dream school and she didn’t care, and then she didn’t care either. they were both probably so fucking annoyed it hurt ind ifferent ways i didnt want to talk about it anymore. i wanted to hug everyone around me, for the first time in so long i felt like my world lit up in a billion colors and i could finally be happy iforever but it was like... no one felt the same way. i get a bigger reaction from strangers who can briefly relate to me off of some superficial shit all the time than i did. i’d lost that feeling after that. it went from winning the lottery to just another academic achievement that nobody but me and a few other poor souls that probably had to feel obligated to say something nice even gave a shit about. those types, i cant even imagine im an entire person to them. i’m just some symbol of like... society as a whole not being... fucking i dont know,? even this sounds fucking arragont and hell coming out my my mouth nowthat i type it out... lmao mr. g just gave me this fucking look after the announcement took place for the rest of the year. i wanted him to acknowledge that he was wrong about me so bad, haha, that he was wrong to hate me but of course why would being the first student in the history of our shitty fucking school to even get in shitting distance of an ivy league mean anything to him? he probably figured i got in bc i was black, and poor and using that + lies to trick the adoffiers to let me in. ms garcia too. she would hardly speak to me after that. her eyes seemed to burn whenever i met them. i... never thought that they were wrong, i couldn’t shake the enthusiasim i’d lost inside of me after the other day. i( can’t imagine they thought i was anything less than absolutely coddled and spoiled athome while my entire family stroked my ego and did my every bidding since it would probably explain why i acted the way i did in class and schooli guess. fuck i cant even remember more than half the shit i did in hs.)but wasn’t going to just so happen to speak about how great if feels to know that i was probably going to be set for life, for a great fanatastic life, when they were alwyas just barely keeping their mouths shut from calling me a a fucking retarded entitled cunt every time i opened my mouth and it pissed them off.

god no wonder they hated me. im losing my train of thought. i hate myself. i hate myself so much. i don’t even know wit when im hurting other ppl andyeti was always this self righteous bastard who claimed i only cared about others bc i did community service (that no one ever saw since i didn’t do it in school.... so it would be easy to just think that im just a lyingbitch trying to get attention and shit i dont deserve.... like w this admission offer lol)

everyone whose nice to me eventually learns it was a fucking mistake.i seethe way people look at me so clearly now, but still its neveruntil its too late i still dont fucking know what i do to piss everyone around me off all the time. everyone i figured was pretty smart around me always tended to avoid me or get angry at me for no reaosn i could explain. lmao. andr saw it too, she couldn’t stand being around me after a certainpoint. i dont have friends. ive never had friends like everyone else had friends. just fucking sympathizers (”why do you even speak to her?” just someone looking out for someone they loved when i did some dumb shit to them) i wish i had a knife so i could slit my throat right here. maybe then someone will read it and understand that i dont mean it but onestly would they?? am i getting anything less than i fucking deserve?? it doesnt matter if i don’t like it, i’m always brining fucking painful unnecessary bullshit into people’s lifes and make even the kindest people want to fucking rip my guts out for it. there’s a noose tied up to my closet right now but i please just please don’t want to suffer anymore.i dont want toknow what its like to be homeless, but idid this to myself. i’ve always fucking did this to myself. all my shit is password protected. i want to see myself as a martyr so bad but a martyr wouldn’t try and force someone to read this shit and try and make them feel bad for shit they barely had anything to do with that im just trying to drag them into bc i want to feel good about myself, and they only was i an accomplish that is by making other people feel bad?? hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

a few weeks ag  i told myself i wouldn’t do it in my dorm because i didn’t want to make other people comfortable. i dont want anyone to come and see my body next to the fucking pigsty i always seem to create wherever i go. i dont want them to have to see my half naked body, but i didnt have any clean clothes. clothes... i jsut spent over 100 on some fucking jeans and a denim jaket bc i wanted it even though i can’t really afford it. me bac k on my bullshit again, of course.oh my god oh mygod. fucking hell god dammit. but isnt this nothing less than i desevre anyway? for making so many poor innocent people have to endure my fucking insane ly uncomfortable awkwardness and the natural hellfire that surrounds me and i was born with and burns everyone around me except for me. is it really so objectively terrible when they burn me back?? they don’t know that i dont have any idea what im doing. they dont know what goes on in my head. i learned to destroy my own feelingsand shut down my human reactions while i was livnngin that hell hole........the second hellhole i came from,theone here on earthnot the one ispwaned in lol.

i really dont even want to hink about the anger the peoplewhove trulygotten to know me will go through if i did die like this. everyone around them will be superifcially mourning and they wouldnt be able to say anything bad, haha~ about me because of the social pressure or w.e, they’dprobably feel terrible themselves because i know even thoughthey hate me and hurt me or want to hurt me or lie to me to hurt me or laugh ifthey make me flinch they’d probablyfeel bad about how glad they feel and should feel for having thishorriblehellcritter whipe herselfoff the face of the earth. and everyone elsewill think im pathetic, of course. so many people already know howpathetici am. theyll ust roll their eyes in annoyance and grumble how i did everything to deserve the shit i went through, and that it was pathetic how i canttake half the shiti dish out.then they;ll go on with their lives nd i’ll be dead and forgotten and the world can cheer silently that im finally gone.

[wtfzodiacsigns]

HOW TO TELL IF UR CRUSH IS RECIPROCATED BASED ON THEIR SUN SIGN

ARIES

If you’re wondering if your Aries crush likes you back then sorry they probably don’t. This lot are very open when it comes to admissions of love/lust/whatever. If they like u, u will simply know. They’ll have told u already 100 times or at least it will be ridiculously obvious. Aries are very straight forward and they hate dilly dallying. If you’re the one they want they will get the ball rolling immediately. Expect lots of texts and a keen interest in meeting up & organising dates whatever. Straight forward people! Will prob show off in front of you whipping out all sorts of weird party tricks & jokes, making sure your eyes are always on them. May get obviously jealous if they see you having a good time with someone else. If you’re still unsure, just ask. They’ll be upfront if it’s a go or no.

TAURUS

If your Taurus crush cooks something amazing and time consuming for you then u can betcha they love ya. These are people who like to indulge in the good things in life and when they like you they will 100% share with you. Taurus is good at setting a romantic mood so if they invite u over to theirs “to just chill” and there’s low lighting and cushions and drapey fabric everywhere and some ambient dance music playing and a bloody cheese platter and red wine, yep this one wants you. Aside from that though it can be hard to tell if they are into you. Taurus likes to take a long time to get to know someone. They’re trying to work out if you are worth the hassle. With time though all becomes very apparent. You will probably have to be the one who brings your feelings into the open first and they may need time to process that, but if they come back to you smiling (possibly tipsy) well, mission accomplished.

GEMINI

Gemini may be flirting with you and you may think omg they like me back, but be careful. Look at their next interaction. Oh they are flirting with that person too? Yep, that’s a Gemini for you. Naturally charming and flirtatious so flirting with you is not a good enough confirming sign. Gemini is a sign of nervous energy & when they are with their crush this nervousness can become quite apparent. They will talk and talk and talk but about nothing really & will probably say all sorts of strange things. Their nerves compel them to speak and they feel that conversation is a good way to snare u temporarily so they may bask in ur glory. If your Gemini suddenly becomes a nervous wreck or has a personality change (maybe becomes silent/shy) in your company they quite likely want you. 65 - 85% of the time though you will know a Gemini likes you because they invite u to everything & message u lots, but this depends on how many crushes they have on the go.  U could also ask one of their friends, cos everyone else will have the gossip. Gemmy in love can’t stop talking about u when ur not around.

CANCER

Hmm this isn’t an easy one to call. Cancers are moody and with them u may feel like yesterday u were their favourite person, but today they’re ignoring u but ur sure u  did nothing wrong! I’m sure u are in fact still their fave, it’s just Cancers are worry warts & maybe are scared that u don’t like them back so in a way shut u out for a while. When it feels like they like you though u two are probably eating something really great together, snuggling up watching something, feeling very much at ease in each others presence. Maybe they will read u their fave poem. There will be a lot of fun & quick back and forth chatting. A Cancer who likes you wants you to have a fun time with them so will keep the atmosphere light and silly. This is another of the signs where if you don’t know if they like you or not, you’re the only one wondering. They will have told everyone around them & will prob be writing a tweet about u right this second. Cancer is a warm & caring sign, if u get a lil papercut they will fuss over you like u lost a finger. If they introduce u to their parents then yep you have them.

LEO

Leo will let you know they like u. They might not simply text u, “ur the one for me x0x0x” but they will show u how they feel. Every time u hang out with Leo they will be trying to outdo the last d8. These are extravagant types & will do anything to ensure ur having the time of your life with them. If you let Leo be in charge and control these dates they are bound to like you even more, they love to be flattered too so dish out the compliments. Make them the centre of ur world. If they like u back you will receive compliments right back. Leo compliments are very genuine & feel very good to receive. They only compliment people they admire so it’s a good sign if they’re telling u how smart they think u are or how kind u are to those less well off or sexy u r or whatever. Leo will want to see u every day and probably for the majority of the day too. They can become very jealous of u spending time with anyone else & u will see this clearly, it’s unhealthy af but a good sign ur their crush.

VIRGO

Super picky Virgo will come to you when they deem u worthy of their time. Not an easy one to chase. These people want their partner to be perfect. If they are giving u the time of day, giving up their time, then u can feel safe and know they are most likely very keen. Once they decide ur the one they become fidgety & nervous in ur presence. Initially anyway. Virgo is a smarty pants intellectual sign so ur dates probably involve long discussions about idk pretty boring things. Tbh this a test. They’re checking that u can stimulate them. That ur on to it. It’s unlikely that they will open up much to u for quite some time. Let them know they can trust u & if they do end up talking feelings with u that’s a good sign they’re crushing on u too. Virgo will want to look after u and make sure ur healthy, eating good & happy, so will cook some super food salad, take u on a hike then listen to all your woes and hug u tenderly. They will dote on u but without displaying tooooo much affection. If u really want to know how they feel about u just ask them. They’re great communicators.

LIBRA

If Libra likes u they will want to spend a lot of time with u. They are happy to hang in group situations but will make efforts to get u alone. Libra is a very social creature so them wanting to just be with one person a a time & not in a gang is a great sign. Libra will find ways to touch u when they like u, they become very affectionate. Lots of hugs, hand holding, they will lean on ur shoulder. They can be like this with ppl who are just their friends tho so look out for them giving u special treatment. Maybe at the end of the night they gave u a prolonged hug while everyone else just got a quick squeeze. Libra might like u but can take a very long time to make their mind up so patience is key here. It’s possible that they will have even told u that they’re into you but they’re still not making the next move or maybe have distanced themselves from u. Show Libra that u rule & are worth it. They will appreciate the display of confidence. These guys can play hard to get, but stick with. A Libra who wants u will dress very well when they think they might see u.

SCORPIO

When Scorpio likes you the world revolves around u. Ur the one they will message first if they think up something fun to do. In a group they will ignore everyone else and just chat chat chat to u. They will wake up & think of u so send u a text. But they never straight out tell u how they feel. They prefer to work u out first. If they think u feel the same way, then they divulge. If they appear interested in u then they prob are. These Scorpios don’t fake interest. They only bother with those they truly want to be around. Sometimes u will look up and ur Scorpio crush will just be looking at u. They don’t even look away when u catch them. Just eye contact. Tbh they are prob thinking ‘wow i could just eat them up’ Sometimes you think your Scorpio crush fucking hates you, they can be quite rude and hostile to u & say cruel things u know they don’t say to other people. Forgive them tho, they don’t mean it and in fact like u a lot & just aren’t dealing with it very well yet.

SAGITTARIUS

When this lot like someone they try very hard to get their attention. If they see ur online they will quickly send u a message. The way a Sag crushes is pretty playground actually. Like they will show off to you & try and make u laugh by pulling faces & shit. Very playful. Sagittarius is an honest and open sign. They are likely to just tell you they like u. Especially if u seem sort of clueless about it.  In the same way though, if they don’t like u they will also let uknow. When around you a Sag will just smile and appear delighted if they’re crushing on u. If they’re up to something awesome & fun they are bound to invite u along. It’s pretty easy to tell with a Sagittarius, they don’t play games & are very straight foward. So if it seems good it most likely is.

CAPRICORN

If ur hanging out with one of their best buds & they are complaining that they haven’t text back but ur phone is vibrating non stop with messages from them, well they most def like u. When u get on a Capricorn’s radar, they will try and find out as much about u as possible. So when u hang out and they know u have 3 brothers and went to Steiner school but u never told them that don’t be shocked. Them admitting they know this info is a way of them telling u they are interested in u & ur life. They can treat u a bit hot and cold, & that stems from a fear of getting hurt. If u can prove urself trustworthy, Capricorn will tell u all of their secrets. And when u start feeling a bit like their private diary u can be 100% sure it’s a match.

AQUARIUS

U two will have to be good friends already. Aquarians view the friendship element of a romantic pairing to be the most important. So you’re friends and u already know they like u as such. How to work out if they potentially want to do pashing with u? Well, suddenly they will be more interested in the mundane aspects of ur life than ever. In the past a story of u forgetting to put the teabag into cup before u poured the kettle would have bored them to death. But now, they’ve never heard anything funnier. When Aqua is hot on u you become the funniest most interesting person in the world. Now you’re off to dinner at theirs expecting the whole gang to be around, but it’s just u and them. And there are candles on the table. Aqua can be romantic in a very cheesy way. How endearing! Best sign is that you have long long conversations that go well into the early hours & they just never get bored of what u have to say.

PISCES

Lol Pisces will prob be writing u a long love poem right now but most likely never give it to u. If u do receive a love poem, or maybe a brief but totally cute note then chances are u make them feel all mad butterflies and likely heart achy love sick. Pisces will incorporate u into their art when they like u. Maybe write songs about u (for u), send u long letters or draw silly pictures for u. Creativity is very important to them & so when they include u in this work it’s a given that they think u are important too. These cuties will give u so much time and affection when they like you. They will let u know that they are always here for u. They will let u in on all their deepest thoughts & feelings and describe in detail all their wildest dreams. With a Pisces u will prob see their affection for u in their eyes. Tho it may be clear they like u this sign wants a confirmation that it’s reciprocated before plunging in any deeper. So go ahead, let them know!

Source: jerkstrology