#or two bedroom apartment with my friend/potential roommate but yeah

[seilon]

god i want to live alone in a decent one bedroom apartment near where i work so badly why is that so much to ask. that should not be much to ask

[7ndipity]

Roommates with Jin(College au)

Jin x Reader

Summary: Headcanon list and blurb about moving in/being roommates with Jin

Warnings: not proofread

A/N: Thanks to the lovely anon who requested this! I started it as a drabble, but couldn’t decide on a single idea, so I made it a hc list instead, I hope that's alright. Also, big thanks to everyone for your patience as I slowly catch up on requests.

Masterlist

Requests are open

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Moving in together was technically his idea, after your roommate announced they were transferring and you were stressing about finding a new one

“What if I just move in?” He’d all but blurted one evening over dinner, leaving you to nearly choke on your drink before gaping at him.

You’d only been dating for about six months, so you definitely had some concerns about moving too fast, but you couldn’t deny that the idea was a lot more appealing than living with a potential stranger, so ultimately you agreed.

He was so happy when you said yes, practically skipping to buy packing supplies.

The two of you fell into habit with each other surprisingly fast, balancing out tasks and chores almost without thought.

He makes sure you wake up on time in the morning, you make his coffee. He takes the trash out, you do the vacuuming. Etc…

You’re friends joke that you’ve become the parents of the group, bc there’s always someone sleeping over on your couch or staying for dinner(and by someone, I mean usually Jungkook)

Which reminds me, he’s a really good cook(he jokes that he almost went to culinary school instead of majoring in film) He was lowkey horrified by the amount of instant ramen and takeout you’d been surviving on previously, so your diet definitely improved when he moved in.

Half of your conversations are yelled because you’re on opposite ends of the appartment and refuse to walk through the house to find each other.(yeah, the neighbors kinda hate you, but it’s just Joon and Yoongi, so it’s nbd)

Late night cram sessions, where one or both of you are almost falling asleep on the other’s shoulder, but you won’t just go on to bed because you’re trying to be supportive.

Movie nights that he claims count as studying for him(even tho you’re like 99% sure his professor didn’t assign Shrek 2 as viewing material)

Being able to find each other's things, but never your own.

Going all out for holiday decorations, but you have to agree on them before purchsing bc one time you bought one of those motion activated figures for Halloween without telling him and he almost had a heart attack and punched it in the face.

Groaning as you set down the last box, you staggered over to where Jin sat unpacking another box before sliding down to sit next to him on the floor with a soft thud.

“Is that the last of it?” He asked.

“Yep, everythings here.” You slumped against his shoulder, “Ugh, I’m so tired. I think I went up and down those stairs two hundred times.”

“Hey, look.” Jin nudged you as he looked around at the disorganized mix of furniture and boxes scattered throughout the space.

“What?”

“We did it. We’re in our apartment.” He said, grinning at you proudly.

“Yeah, we are.” You agreed, returning his smile.

”This is our living room. That’s our bedroom, our bathroom.” He pointed as he spoke.

“We have a kitchen too.” You noted.

“You wanna cook dinner together in our kitchen?” He asked, raising a brow at you.

“Maybe tomorrow, I’m too tired now.” You sighed, falling back on the floor dramatically. “Can we just go to bed?”

“Fine by me.” He chuckled, getting to his feet and turning to face you. Rather than helping you up, however, he simply grabbed hold of your ankles and began pulling you across the floor.

“What are you doing?!” You squealed.

“Taking you to bed.” He said. “I can’t carry you right now, my back hurts.”

[annieintheaair]

Well, the road rolls out like a welcome mat to a better place than the one we're at and I ain't got no kind of plan but I've had all of this town I can stand.

Today feels like it should be Saturday but it's only Friday. I usually work Thursday nights but I was so glad that I didn't last night and even more glad that I don't work any Thursdays for the rest of the month.

I was a complete zombie last night and tried to stay up but kept falling asleep on my couch. It has been a long, busy-ish week.

We had a lot of delays this week, which meant very little sleep for me. Wednesday morning I got home from work, took a short nap, got some work done, and then headed to Students and the other things I needed to do. I stopped at the gas station before leaving town and immediately received text alerts that my flight was delayed. This was the beginning of a rolling delay. The final text I received said departure would be at 12:19am, which was honestly optimistic at best.

I had to pick up my prescriptions (since I never changed pharmacies when I moved nearly a year ago) and then decided to go check out an apartment. Before going there, I prayed to God that He would guide me and help me to make the right decision. I asked Him to help me to feel a sense of home wherever I was meant to be.

I walked into the apartment complex that day, a little nervous. It felt weird to be back looking at apartments by myself. I remember moving into my first Texas apartment in 2015 and thinking, "This is my last single-girl place!" I was so sure that I'd live in that apartment for however long and moving out would only be because I met someone. Imagine if I could go back nine years ago and tell that girl that she would live in four more places after that and be about to move into a fifth place, still single.

I thought about the spreadsheet that I worked so hard on for Todd and I to choose a place together. I wanted us to find the perfect place and make the best decision. I was so excited. After all of that though, I realized I wouldn't be making another spreadsheet to start over by myself. My desire to look at tons of places was completely gone. I just wanted to choose one place and be done with it; check that decision off of my list so I could focus on other things.

The leasing lady, Barbara, was so sweet and welcoming. She showed me around the complex and we looked at a few apartments. She was determined to find me one that I would love. After an hour of touring, I walked out of there, thinking, yeah, I think I could call this place home. I imagined my life there-- me, starting over, walking to see my Greek friend for coffee during the weekend, watching fireworks from the 2nd-floor lounge area, and jumping back into my life there. I thought about how I'd arrange my furniture and Barbara even showed me a meditation room that she thought I'd appreciate using after work.

I had a very tight window of time once I was done touring the apartment but I ended up going to look at a house for a potential roommate situation. The girl who would be my roommate has only been out of college for almost a year. Obviously, since it's her house and she has lived there for a while, everything is her's in the house. She had two rooms in the front of the house that she was using as office spaces. The bedroom she was offering was tiny and the closet was also extremely small. For $1100/month, I just didn't think it was worth it to have a shared space where I'd basically be living in my little room.

I rushed over to Students after that and we had Dinner and Discussion. They got Jets Pizza, which I had been looking forward to literally all day. They even had Nothing Bundt Cakes, which was also amazing. Wednesdays, even though they're busy these days, are always my favorite day of the week. There's nothing better than getting to spend time with my church family.

Of course, since I hadn't seen some of them in a while, I was asked about what happened with Todd. Now that it has been almost three weeks, it's easier to talk about it without getting really down. Of course, it's still sad and there's still a part of me that wishes we could work things out, but relationships take two people and I also want to be with someone who wants to be with me as much as I want to be with them.

I told my friends at church about my apartment search. I told them about the place I saw and liked and that I really didn't want to keep looking. They were very encouraging about it all and agreed that if I found a place I liked (they also said they think it's a good choice) then I should go with that instead of overwhelming myself more by checking out additional places. Everything just starts to look the same after you see a few apartments.

I expressed to them how I've been feeling extremely overwhelmed and exhausted lately. I think they could tell by the way I was talking, too, like I couldn't take a breath and tried to fit in all of the words in a short period of time. One of my friends asked me if maybe I could cut something back in my life temporarily just to deal with things. Could I work less? I know I shouldn't work less for financial reasons but at the same time, I need to breathe and lately, it feels like I just can't breathe. The weight of everything in my life feels like it's taking a toll on me.

Looking at my schedule, I thought about picking up more trips over the next week but since I had shifted some trips around, I now have nearly a full week off until I fly again on Wednesday night. Even though part of me feels like I have no idea what to do with all of that time off, another part of me knows I have things I need to get done to continue to remove things from my plate.

Even though I like the apartment and can't wait to move back, I can't help but question my decision. The thing is, no matter how much we think things over, make pros and cons lists, or whatever else we do to make a decision, we can never be 100% sure that we're doing the right thing. Technically though, is there really such a thing as a wrong decision? If at the time it felt right, then it was the right decision for that time. Moving far away from my life taught me to appreciate the things I already had and showed me who my real friends were. Of course, it was a very expensive decision to have made and been disappointed in, but maybe it was the right decision for the time. Every choice we make is a chance we take for something amazing to happen.

My flight on Wednesday night ended up going out super delayed. We didn't arrive in Oklahoma City until super late so by the time I got to the hotel, it was 3am on Thursday, and I had to be up at 4am to get ready for work. I crawled into bed in my uniform and took a nap for about an hour. I chugged a cup of coffee on my way back to the airport and then grabbed a latte at Starbucks on my way to the gate.

Of course, we couldn't get a gate when we landed back in DFW so we had to wait, which meant I left work later than normal. There was a bad accident on the express so everyone was on the regular road and all of the rubberneckers caused a huge traffic jam. It took me a solid hour to get home, which was a struggle when I could barely keep my eyes open.

I had every intention of being somewhat productive during the day, maybe even going to a yoga class, but instead, I took a nap and got some work done. Since I didn't get to Hope last weekend, I decided to watch it on YouTube. I was glad I did because the Prosper campus pastor, Mike, was speaking about what to do when it feels like your life is falling apart. It was appropriate and encouraging. After that, I watched some cheesy movies and by the evening, I felt like I deserved a glass of wine so I poured one and immediately fell asleep on my couch. When I woke up, I decided I needed to go to bed.

When I woke up this morning, I felt like I still could have used more sleep but got up to get some work done and made it to yoga at noon. Yoga was just what I needed today and was definitely worth leaving my house for. There's not a whole lot I'll miss when I move but I will definitely miss Stephanie's Friday yoga class.

I might go on a few dates this weekend, which is a little scary because I'm not really sure that I'm ready but I think it's necessary at this point. I signed up to attend a women's conference tomorrow morning, which I'm really looking forward to, and Candace Cameron Bure is going to be there speaking. I even made plans with Julie to meet for lunch after and at some point might hang out with Shinayde at her pool. Sunday I'm planning on going to bible study again, since it's good to be around other singles, even if I'm the oldest person there. Tim Tebow is speaking at church this week, too, which is pretty cool. Dan would have been super excited about that since Tim Tebow played for the Patriots many years ago.

I'm trying to keep myself busy while also not overwhelming myself too much. I'm doing my best to acknowledge the good things in my life and not think about the things that have been making me sad. Do you ever wish that you could look at your life over the years and pick out all of your favorite pieces and put them together to create the perfect life? What pieces would you pick?

They always say you can't go home again and while I wish that I could, I know that the new life I'm building is going to be better, even if it isn't the same as the life I'm leaving behind.

This might not be an easy time There's rivers to cross and hills to climb And some days we might fall apart And some nights might feel cold and dark But nobody wins afraid of losing And the hard roads are the ones worth choosing Some day we'll look back and smile And know it was worth every mile

Happy Weekend!

xoxo

Annie

[storiesofsvu]

Fortuitous Reunion Ch 3

Rita Calhoun x reader Warnings: language, minor injury/medical talk

After a fairly easy morning of a quick arraignment and getting her client’s bail all arranged Rita paused for a brief lunch with Rafael where they battled out agreements on a potential deal. The café was close enough to her firm she chose to walk back afterwards, it was a nice day out and she had to pick up a few things before she could work from home for the rest of the day. It was halfway down Greene Street that she got more than distracted with something in a display window, a voice addressing her only pulling her out of her daydreams.

“Counsellor?” She glanced up to the voice,

“Olivia? Hi.”

“You find something you can’t resist?” Liv teased, “picking out your own wedding ring?” Rita laughed,

“For my girlfriend…we’re coming up on three years, it seems like the time is right.” She turned to the other woman, “what’d’you think of the one on the left?”

“It’s gorgeous.” Olivia commented, the ring had a unique row of pink diamonds around the center gem.

Her mind wandered to you, the day you ended up at the precinct, you’d called Rita’s apartment ‘home’. She’d made the roommate assumption having not known Rita’s preferences, and there certainly was an age gap. Maybe you were related to or friends with Rita’s partner and staying there temporarily? You hadn’t shown any affection toward Rita when you were in the squad room, though there could be a number of reasons for that.

“Hmm..” Rita tugged her lip in between her teeth, “it’s a bit small…” Olivia couldn’t help the small laugh at the other woman’s words. “She deserves it.”

“And no doubt you can afford it.” She teased, “I’m sure they have one with a higher carat inside.”

“You’re probably right.” Rita hummed again for a minute before stepping toward the door, “I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah.” Liv mustered the best smile she could, “congratulations.”

“Thanks.” Rita smiled one so warm that Olivia had no doubt in her mind how much she loved whoever she was buying the ring for. Nodding goodbye as she continued her way down the street.

*

When she got home Rita wasn’t surprised to find you curled up on the couch, softly dozing with Will and Grace on the t.v. You’d worked the last couple of night shifts as as much as you tried to keep your sleep on a schedule, those shifts always fucked with you. Smiling down at you she brushed some hair off your face, her thumb stroking at your cheek. Your lips twitched into a small smile at the feel, even in your sleep you were aware of her presence and affection. She ever so softly left a kiss on your shoulder before retreating to the kitchen.

Doing her best to quietly pop a bottle of champagne she poured out two flutes, picking up the small blue box before moving back into the living room. She placed the glasses on the coffee table, the box infront and center of them, then quietly hurried to the bedroom to change into something comfortable. She couldn’t help but pause in the entry to the living room, knowing just how lucky she was to be the one privy to these little private moments with you. She softly settled herself between the back of the couch and your body, wrapping an arm around you, gently kissing your shoulder, not surprised at the way you nuzzled even deeper against her.

The warmth of her body brought your conscious slightly back to life, rolling in her arms, snuggling into the crook of her neck, feeling the gentle caress of her hand on your back. Her lips gently met your forehead and you hummed.

“You’re home early.” You murmured, your voice still thick with sleep.

“Figured I’d rather work from home where I get to snuggle up with you.”

“You’re not exactly working right now.” You cracked an eye open, a grin on your face, accepting the soft kiss she gave you.

“This seemed like a better idea. Work can wait.” She gently nudged you with her arm, “roll over. I got you something.” You did as she said, a small gasp coming from your lips as you saw a the infamous blue of the box.

“Tiffany’s!” You sat up, the excitement evident in your eyes as Rita shifted beside you, “and it’s not even my birthday.” You pecked her cheek quickly as you picked up the box, “it’s small…is it earrings?” Rita practically laughed at your innocence.

“Open it.” She nudged you with her knee.

The gasp this time was much louder, a hand flying to your mouth as you revealed the ring, the way it sparkled in the sun of the late afternoon. When you looked up at her there was a rim of beyond happy tears in your eyes.

“Rita…” your face practically melted at the love radiating off her. Smiling, she reached out, smoothing back a piece of your nap mussed hair.

“We’ve been talking about it since our fourth date, I think I was just waiting for the right ring. Darling I’ve known for years I’ve wanted to marry you, I would be the luckiest woman alive to have you as my wife.”

“Yes!” You launched on your knees at her, wrapping tightly around her neck as you peppered her face with kisses.

The force from your excitement knocked her down back onto the couch, a fit of gentle laughter erupting from the two of you as Rita half pleaded at you to stop. She eventually got her way as her hands tickled at your sides, pulling a shriek from you as you shot away from her reach. A laugh still on her cheeks, she pulled you in for a deep kiss before sliding the ring on your finger.

“The champagne makes a lot more sense now.” You admitted. Sure, Rita definitely had a habit of spoiling you, but champagne to go along with some earrings in the middle of a Wednesday afternoon seemed a bit much. She laughed gently, kissing your cheek before leaning forward and handing you a glass.

“Well now we have more than enough of a reason to celebrate.” You clinked your glasses together before taking a small sip.

“I love you…” You nuzzled against her nose, kissing her softly.

“I love you too Darling.”

*

You were behind the nurses station, organizing the current stack of clipboards in the E.R when a coworker’s voice called out,

“Y/N! Bed two needs stitches. Suture kit’s in there, but they need me in trauma.”

“Go.” You waved them off, picking up the clipboard and moving through the room, you pulled the curtain back a little as you slipped inside, “alright..Dominick, I’m Y/N-“ you cut yourself off as you glanced up, your tone turning playful as a small grin took over your face, “Detective Carisi..what did you do?”

“Let’s just say tha fence won this fight.” He half pouted in return and you laughed, turning to pull on a pair of gloves. You glanced over his paperwork to double check a few things,

“Well I hope you’re not scared of needles ‘cause I’m gonna have to give you three.”

“All good Doll.” He smiled back at you and you shook your head, prepping the local anesthesia. Whatever fence this was had left him with decent size gash on the side of his calf.

“You’re gonna feel a slight pinch.” You warned him, completing your task. You turned back to prep the suture kit while the numbing started to do it’s job. You gave his calf a little poke, “you feel that?”

“Nope.”

“Perfect.” You braced your left hand on the side of the bed in an attempt to turn yourself to the instrument tray and you felt your glove snap open over your ring finger, the diamond stabbing through the latex. “Oh for fuck’s sake.” You muttered, pulling off your gloves as Sonny let out a low whistle.

“That’s a nice diamond.”

“Thanks.” You blushed with a small smiled.

“How many carats?”

“No idea but knowing her…a lot.” You laughed, “I shouldn’t have worn it to work, I’ve destoryed so many gloves I’m sure they’re gonna start taking them outta my paycheque.”

“I’ll hold it.” He suggested, “make this a little easier?” You chuckled as he held up his pinky finger in offerance, but you obviously knew you could trust him, he wasn’t some stranger, so you slid the ring off your finger and dropped it onto his, laughing at the visual.

“Thanks.” You re-gloved with a fresh pair and got started on the sutures.

“I’m guessin’ this is new? Congratulations.”

“Thank you.” You couldn’t help the gleeful smile, the thought of spending forever with Rita just made you inescapably happy, “It is. She surprised me with it a few days ago.”

“She’s lucky ta have ya.”

“Oh believe me, I’m the lucky one.”

“I hope I get ta meet her one day.” You chuckled, keeping the secret that he very much already knew her, he just didn’t know it.

“Of course, you’ll be at the wedding after all.”

“I will?”

“Sophie’s obviously gonna be my maid of honour! But I haven’t asked her yet, so don’t say anything!”

“Secret’s safe with me.” He winked to enunciate his words and you laughed, trying to keep your attention on the task at hand as the curtain pulled back again.

“Uh…Carisi?” Olivia’s voice broke your concentration, pausing in your work as you glanced up. Her brow was furrowed and you realized how silly the situation looked with your ring on Sonny’s pinky finger, his hand held up in front of him so it didn’t slip off. You let out a small giggle.

“Y/N got engaged!” He gleefully announced, causing you to blush again.

“It keeps ripping the gloves…” you explained, “definitely leaving it safely at home from now on.”

“Congratulations…” Liv’s regards seemed a little less than enthusiastic, she couldn’t help it, the ring being the exact one Rita had been looking at the other day (except this one was definitely a few carats larger).

“Thank you. I should be done in fifteen if you need him Captain Benson.” You gave her a small smile, “but I would highly suggest limiting your perp chases until the stitches fall out.” Turning back to Sonny you continued, your voice slightly quieter this time, “Sophie’ll kill you.”

“I know.” He muttered back, a sheepish grin on his face.

“Thanks.” Oliva replied, “Uh, since we’re here anyway, there’s a vic in 204. I’ll be down there when you’re done.”

“Course Cap.”

Olivia gave a quick nod in response, slipping back out of the curtained area. She took a moment before entering the vic’s room, trying to piece things together in her brain even though it was already there. You were the mystery girl Rita had been talking about, and now the two of you were engaged, she guessed she was just trying to wrap her head around the whole thing. It was a lot of new information to process over a relatively short amount of time. She had to remind herself that if everyone was happy and safe, that was really all that mattered, and you certainly seemed happy.

[emeren]

Mmm maybe eren walking in on the reader using a vibrator and offering to help her and over stimulating her..

you got it! here it comes :)

red handed - eren jaeger 

pairing: eren jaeger x fem!reader 

word count: 2.5k

content warnings: smut, 18+, masturbation, overstimulation, crying

notes: this one was fun to write, it was my first time writing about a vibrator so idk if it’s that good but i hope you all enjoy nevertheless! <3

you sighed to yourself, anxiously glancing at the clock. your roommate had informed you he wouldn’t be back until around nine; the numbers 7:30 blinking back at you expectantly. there was no way he’d be home early; eren was late to nearly everything he did. 

deciding to move into a small, crappy apartment with your childhood best friend had seemed like a good idea at the time. you and eren knew each other forwards and backwards; right side up and upside down. 

what you didn’t know was just how needy eren could be. he hated being bored more than anything in the world. he was always lingering, always pestering you to go do something. he would sometimes just walk into your room and stand there, asking you what you were doing and if you wanted to hangout. 

most of the time you didn’t mind. most of the time. but there were instances where the lack of a lock on both your bedroom and bathroom doors became an issue.

instances where the pent up hormones became too much to bear and you had to relieve yourself, quickly and quietly. 

you thanked your lucky stars that eren had decided to go out with some friends tonight. you’d finally be able to enjoy a moment of bliss for the first time in well over two weeks. 

after double checking that the front door was locked and peaking your head into eren’s room to make extra sure he was gone, you skipped to your own space with an air of giddiness. finally some alone time!

you softly closed the door behind you, turning to look at your beside table. pulling the small drawer open and rifling through various pieces of junk, your eyes landed on the small, inconspicuous piece of plastic. 

you’d come to realize that your hand wasn’t quick enough to combat eren’s nosey nature, and after a few near misses, you invested in your very first vibrator. 

it was a light pink color; just nearly longer than your middle finger. you picked it up carefully before plunking down on your hard mattress. you shifted so your back was pressed against the head board, knees slightly bent. 

you could feel yourself aching in anticipation, cold hand slipping past the hem of your pajama pants to press the plastic device against your clit. your thumb moved to click the on button, halting as you heard a floorboard creak from out in the hall. 

“ugh,” you muttered to yourself, trying to quell your paranoia. “eren’s not gonna be home for at least an hour.” 

you paused for a minute longer, ears straining. when you were met with just the distant sound of sirens, you allowed yourself to continue, clicking the button. the soft vibration buzzed against your nerves, breath hitching involuntarily at the sudden pleasure. 

it was a wonderful feeling; your chest heaving as your lower half embraced the foreign object. you leaned your head back against the wall, shifting to a more comfortable position as you bent your knees for better leverage. 

your mind began to wander, an image of eren popping into your brain. a few years ago, you would’ve cringed and banished the thought away, but you’d come to acknowledge there was no denying just how attractive your best friend was, no matter how guilty it made you feel. 

you pictured his muscular back, leaned over the sink as he washed dishes with a pair of black sweatpants hanging dangerously low on his hips. you could feel your face heat, closing your eyes as the pressure within the pit of your stomach began to build. 

it was easy to reach your breaking point with the vibrator; breath growing shallow as the image of eren’s muscular arms and defined v-line started to fog your mind. you exhaled out through your nose, the gentle buzzing making your clit twitch with desired release. 

you were so wrapped up, so distracted. it was the single moment of bliss right before your orgasm, face hot and hands clammy. 

you’d never let your mind wander so far before, but you were beginning to imagine eren touching you; letting his hands wander down your skin and caressing your curves, squeezing and- 

“what’re you doing?” a voice startled you from the moment of peace, replaced by an overwhelming embarrassment as your eyes snapped open, focusing on the tall figure leaning against the open doorframe. 

eren’s arms were crossed, face shadowed as he observed you. you quickly sat up, pulling your vibrator from your pants and clicking it off. the pace of your heartbeat was through the roof, eyes wide and chest tight. how fucking embarrassing! 

“i’m- i was-,” you were at a loss for words, standing from your bed. your heart pinged with annoyance, the embarrassment quickly dissipating into anger. “can’t you learn to fucking knock?”

eren didn’t say anything, quirking a brow at your snippy tone. it just aggravated you more, your brain trying to combat the dopamine that never truly reached its full potential. he stood in your doorway, staring you down as you seethed in your place.

“don’t be embarrassed,” he spoke softly. his face had some unknown expression on it, one you’d never seen before. his pupils were dilated, brows furrowed and gaze serious. “it’s a normal thing to do.” 

you huffed, shifting your legs in an attempt to quell the burning between your thighs. “i know that. what’s not normal is you barging into my room without knocking when you weren’t even supposed to be home for another hour.”

“i got bored, so i decided to come home and hangout with you,” he explained. his lip was curved upwards, as if he were trying to suppress a smirk. “s’more fun here anyway.” 

you frowned at his words, your mind flashing that image of his rough hands trailing down your body, squeezing. you swallowed at the thought, the anger quickly being overpowered by your unfinished arousal. “how long were you standing there?”

“long enough to know you didn’t finish,” he commented, holding eye contact as your eyebrows raised in surprise. you opened your mouth to respond, but eren beat you to it. “c’mon, i think i know you pretty well.” 

“not like that,” you muttered demurely, the dull ache nearly too much to bear. you felt like you’d be antsy till you got off, shifting uncomfortably as your eyes fell to the floor. “could you- could you give me some privacy?” 

eren didn’t respond for a moment, the sound of your bedroom door shutting sending a feeling of relief to your brain. you looked up, frown deepening. 

eren was leaning against the closed door, eyes dark and serious. “let me help you.”

his words sent a confused throb to your cunt, face going slack. was this really happening? 

“eren, you don’t mean…” you breathed out, the ache in your center multiplying tenfold at the sight of his tall and muscular figure staring down at you. shit, shit, shit!

“i do,” he responded seriously, taking a step towards you. he was normally tall and formidable, but in the darkness of your bedroom, he seemed infinite. you paused for a moment, your resolve already thin due to the incessant throbbing of your clit. eren seemed to take notice, eyeing you carefully. “who better than your best friend?” 

you held your breath before responding. you’d been thinking of this, dreaming of this. now here he was, standing before you and looking at you as though you were his for the taking. and it excited you. it excited you to no end. “i- okay.” 

eren was quick to smile, stepping up to you. you craned your neck to look at him, heartbeat erratic as his calloused hands ran down your bare arms. he slowly lowered himself to his knees before you, fingers hooking under the waistband of your pajamas. 

his teal eyes glanced up to you, asking for permission. you were afraid your voice wouldn’t work, instead feverishly nodding your head in acceptance. he pulled your pants down tantalizingly slow; like he was unwrapping some sacred gift. 

you bit your lip as your thighs became exposed, the feeling of eren’s hot breath fanning across the newly exposed skin. he leaned forward, eyes still locked with yours as he placed a kiss to the soft flesh, lips slicked with chapstick. it was sinful and he knew it. 

your cotton pants dropped to the floor, standing in nothing but your underwear and a t-shirt. eren’s gaze grew heavy on your panties - the inevitable wet spot showing just how desperate you were for attention. 

“trying to finish before i got home?” he cooed, curling his lip. you felt your face heat, glancing away. 

“yeah,” you responded bashfully, eren motioning his head towards the bed. 

he breathed out a laugh at your answer, giving your thigh that deeply desired squeeze. “that’s so cute. bet you’re so needy for me now, hm?” 

you could feel yourself growing wetter at his words, choosing to sit on the end of the bed in front of him rather than respond. he kissed your leg again, eyes catching on something beside you. 

“what’s this?” he smirked, reaching to grab your vibrator. you were too slow to react, reaching for it in vain as eren inspected it. “tsk, tsk. sit back down.” 

you hadn’t even realized you’d lifted from the mattress, eren’s dark tone making you abide as though you had no free will. 

he gave you a sadistic look, lunging forward to press his tongue flat against your clothed clit. you hissed at the feeling, hands fisting your bed sheets. eren chuckled against you, the vibration making your stomach burn. 

“just that already has you squirming?” he mumbled, lips pressing a kiss. as if this couldn’t get anymore embarrassing. “’s’hot.” 

you breathed out, the sight of eren between your legs in the lowly lit room entirely too attractive. you weren’t surprised he was so bossy and vocal, hand tapping your leg impatiently. 

“off.” he deadpanned, leaning back to watch you as you stood, yanking your underwear down your legs. you tried to quell your excitement; eren’s pupils growing impossibly larger at the sight of your exposed cunt. you sat back down, breath shaky as eren situated himself in front of you. “so wet already.”

eren, just as he always had been, was impatient. you’d just sat down and he was prying your knees apart, tongue hungrily pressing itself against your center. he was sloppy; eating you out with an animalistic hunger that had you nearing your climax much faster than usual. 

“eren,” you whimpered, the feeling of his tongue circling your entrance causing a moan to ripple from your mouth. the sound of his name only made him suck harder. he wasn’t letting up; absolutely determined to bring you to your high as fast as possible. “m’gonna cum, eren.” 

he groaned at your words, arms hooking around your thighs to hold you in place as he focused intently on your clit. the warm, wet feeling was becoming too much; edges of your vision growing dark as you let your release come crashing down, legs twitching as eren released his suction on you. 

he looked at you just long enough for you to notice the sheen on his chin, the sparkle in his eyes, and the grin on his lips. “been waiting so long for this, i’m gonna make the best of it.” 

your chest was heaving, brows pulled down in confusion as eren brought his first two fingers to your entrance, circling it twice before stuffing you with his long digits. 

you were burning, just having come down from your embarrassingly quick release only to have eren fucking you with his fingers. they easily slid in and out, wet with your sheen as he began to gently suck on your inner thigh. your vision was hazy, eren pushing his digits in to the last knuckle and curling slightly. 

the feeling of another release was building in your core; churning and readying you to succumb to eren’s will once more. and you were ready; a breathy moan leaving your lips as he angled his fingers particularly deep. you laid down, hands subconsciously lifting to grope your own chest - searching for an anchor. 

“shit,” eren swore at the sight of you palming your breasts, squirming in his hold as his fingers pumped in and out of you, quickening his pace. you whimpered in response, screwing your eyes shut. 

you felt the cold object press against your clit before he turned it on; eyes widening in surprise as you shot up. eren was grinning at you, thumb clicking it on as an involuntary cry ripped from your chest. 

the vibration was too much as his digits abused your cunt, stuffing into you as far as possible. your clit twitched aggressively, face and neck hot. your brain was growing fuzzy, thoughts clouded as you stared down at eren, mouth hanging open and eyes glossy. he was watching you seriously, pressing the vibrator harder against your clit in order to make you jolt. 

you were burning, abdomen flexing as your eyes began to water. the sensations were too much, legs trying to close but you were blocked by eren’s broad shoulders. 

you’d never been one to scream, but you couldn’t help the strangled sound that escaped your mouth as eren included his tongue in the overstimulating mix. hot, sticky tears slid down your cheeks, eren’s tongue lapping at the spot where his fingers disappeared inside of you. 

his eye contact. oh, his eye contact. it was pervasive and inspective, analyzing every sound and movement you made. 

he pulled his tongue back for just a moment, the vibrator buzzing intensely against you. “cum for me.” 

and you did. it was too much; your legs jerking and stomach cramping, mind turned to mush at the overflow of dopamine. you collapsed back on the bed, eren leaving the vibrator pressed against your clit for a moment longer, the feeling now more uncomfortable than anything. you waved your hand, too exhausted to beg him to take it off. eren only chuckled, pulling his fingers from you but pressing the object against you harder. 

“let me see those tears,” he said sweetly, tapping your thigh. it was a sinister sweetness, the tears pooling down your face as you began to grown numb below your waist. you forced yourself to sit up, eren smiling as he saw your wet face. “good girl.”

he removed the vibrator, tossing it on the bed as he stood. you laid back down, breathing heavy and legs weak. eren hovered above you, leaning down to wipe your cheeks. 

“next time, just ask for my help,” he sneered, your eyes rolling weakly. he had a boyish grin on his face, something teasing about his nature. “i’m way better than some stupid vibrator, anyway.” 

<3 <3 <3 

[missuga]

Quiet Help — Shinso Hitoshi

Warnings & wc: fluff, very brief mentions of death, kind of ghost!shinso, gn!reader, | 3.6k

Summary: Your new apartment unknowingly came with a few surprises, and a free roommate.

Authors note: This is a rewrite of one of my first fics on my old account! I had an idea to expand upon it but it would be way too long, so it might be kind of a cliff hanger? idk enjoy. also not proofed again.

The first few nights in a new apartment can be a little difficult to adjust to. It takes a while to really know a place, the secrets living in the walls aren’t given as housewarming gift. Everything waits to be discovered by whoever might move in next, and you don’t get to choose whether its good or bad.

Some were good; like the sun shining warmly through windows lighting up the entire space as it did, or the cooling breeze when you opened the shutters. Other things were not as relaxing. The way the walls creaked in the wind, or how the darkness seemed to gather in the corners of the room at night waiting for you to look.

Not everyone knows exactly what they’re getting into when they move in, the history of a building unknown to many. Some never even find anything out about a space they live in. But its those lucky few who are deemed worthy enough to see what a building really has to offer.

That’s what happened to you, though you couldn’t quite tell if you were exactly lucky.

Your parents always told you to be careful with the energies that flowed around you. Messing with something too much or talking about something more than one should might potentially bring that exact something into existence.

You knew not to use things like Ouija boards or other items that had a deep connection with the spiritual world. You tended to have a keen sense of those things, something always urged you to stay away from stuff like that. Almost like a blessing. Though like most blessings, there is always an unseen side.

You started to notice odd things after the second week fully moved in.

Stuff you swore you’d placed in one spot seemed to move on its own. Shadows stared at you from the corner of your eyes, disappearing when you turned to look. Noises in the middle of the nigh, right outside of your locked bedroom door. The oddities happening weren’t enough to startle you, but it was unnerving enough for you to ask a friend to stay over. Just to make sure you weren’t losing your mind.

“Thanks again.” You said taking Mina’s bag from her. She shook her head and winked at you.

“Stop thanking me! I wanted to see your apartment anyways, and plus I might be able to see ghosts.” Mina spoke, and you didn’t miss the excited edge to her voice.

“You’re here to help make sure there are no ghosts.”

“Yeah, yeah. I know.” Mina shook off your words and smiled as she walked towards your bedroom. “You still have netflix right? There is a horror movie I’ve been dying to watch!”

It wasn’t long after the first movie ended and a dinner of random snacks you had in your cupboard that both of you fell asleep in your bed.

Your phone showed it was just around two in the morning when you woke up again. The t.v. screen barely lit up your room as your eyes adjusted to the change of brightness. Mina was missing from her side of the bed and for a second you almost panicked until you heard her laugh sound from the living room.

“You didn’t tell me your roommate was cute and funny!” She squealed when she slipped back into your room shutting the door softly behind her.

It took you a moment to register her words the sleep lacing your thoughts leaving quickly.

“What?” You asked sitting up, eyes wide as your looked at her.

“His purple hair is so cool.” She said as she got back into your bed. “But don’t worry. If you like him he is all yours.”

“Mina.” You whispered; thoughts still stuck on roommate. “Are you sure?”

“Wait are you guys just friends? Does that mean I can shoot my shot-“

“I don’t have a roommate.” You cute off her rambling and panic started to fully set in as she cocked her head to the side slightly.

“Who was on your couch then?”

Your heart dropped and you almost pushed Mina out of your bed to get to the living room. It was too dark to see anything clearly, but you could just make out a silhouette on your couch.

In the brief moment it took you to find the light switch and look back at the couch whatever was there before was gone.

“You okay?” Mina asked behind you, stepping into the threshold of your room. A heavy pressure sank into your chest as your turned around to face her.

“Are you absolutely sure you saw someone?”

“Yeah? I’m positive that I did. I even spoke to him for a bit.” The small smile fell from her lips slowly as she saw your worried state.

This proved that you weren’t going crazy before. There was something going on inside your apartment, and it wasn’t just a figment of your imagination.

“We’re sleeping with the lights on.”

Nothing out of the ordinary happened over the next few days and you were too busy to even think about the person that Mina saw. You had been leaving for work while the sun was still asleep and came home at no time a normal person should.

Your work was exhausting. In your tired state you didn’t notice the small things that were happening around your apartment. When you woke up for work, your clothes were nicely folded on the chair in the corner; the night before you had thrown them in a pile somewhere in your room.

Something from your fruit basket would somehow end up right next to your keys, it would be your morning meal. Even if you came home and collapsed into bed, falling asleep the moment your head hit your pillow; you would always wake up with a fully charged phone that you never remembered putting on the charger.

There was one day that you noticed something. It was a horrible day out and you had woken up late. Because you were rushing, the thought of grabbing an umbrella slipped your mind completely. You were going to be forced to run to work in the rain until you saw there was an umbrella hooked on the strap of your purse. The place you kept your umbrellas was nowhere near you hung your purse. There was no way you could’ve accidentally placed it there.

Weeks passed and the same things kept on. You started to realize the things that had been making your days a little easier were thing that you never did. The previous signs of a haunting were gone, so you weren’t quite as worried as before, but it was still a little unsettling.

In a way, you were grateful to whatever thing was helping you along. A good morning definitely led you to be less stressed at work, you even felt more relaxed at home despite not spending as much time there as you wanted to.

The only thing you still wondered about was the boy that Mina saw. You hadn’t seen any more shadows around the apartment, you started to think the silhouette you saw was just your sleepy eyes believing Mina.

The idea that you had just been seeing things changed though. The paperwork at your agency was a little less relentless and you were able to leave earlier than normal. The nights of you coming home in the dark had stopped, but you were able to leave in the middle of the day.

Wanting to savor the time off, you went straight to your apartment excited to relax. It took almost no time to get through the door and shed yourself of your outerwear. Something in your gut stopped you, and you looked up towards your kitchen just in time to see a flash of purple hair slip around the corner towards the guest room. Your heart skipped and you rushed forward trying to catch whatever it was.

You threw open the guestroom door but you were met with the empty room. A sigh left your lips, whether it was from relief or the thought that you really were going crazy, you didn’t know.

When you walked back into your kitchen your stomach dropped once more. On the counter sat a half-empty mug of tea that was warm to the touch.

After that day, you knew someone else was living in your apartment with you. Malicious or not, you wanted answers.

On your next day off you went to the leasing office in search of them, there had to be a reason the price of the apartment so low, you hadn’t thought about it before.

The woman at the leasing office looked a little worried when you questioned it. She shifted in her seat nervously as you stared across the desk.

“They were supposed to tell you about it when you signed the papers.” She sighed, sorting through a few folders on her desk before handing you a file. “They must’ve stopped telling people who were interested, the apartment had been on the market for a while.”

“That’s great.” You muttered looking at the file for a moment, you weren’t sure what you were looking for in it.

“The previous tenants were two men, the younger one was the one who moved out.” She said with a slight waver to her voice.

“What about the other one?” You asked not liking where this was heading, you had a feeling you already knew what she was going to say.

“Well, he passed away in his room one night. The cause of death is still unknown, but it is assumed it was due to a lingering quirk effect of some sort.” She mumbled, pointing at the corner of the file. There was a picture paperclipped on the inside. You recognized the shorter one, pro hero Deku. She finger rested on the taller boy with wild purple hair. “That’s him.”

The only word that fell from your lips was a soft ‘oh.’

The story that the leasing agent told you was the only thing on your mind for days. You had to do something about it or you figured it might drive you insane. Just leaving it in the air the someone had passed away in your apartment was something you could not sit with.

Using the cover of your hero agency, you got in touch with Deku. You said you had a few questions about his hero gear and wanted to set up a meeting with him. It was a lot easier than you thought, he agreed on meeting you at a local cafe.

You brought the file the agent let you borrow with you, holding it tightly into your chest. You saw the green-haired boy sitting at a table in the corner and smiled when he noticed you.

“Hello, Deku.” You said softly, trying to force away the nervousness building in your stomach.

“Hey, It’s nice to finally meet you!” He said excitedly. He was a bit older than the picture the leasing office had of him, and you couldn’t help but wonder just how long ago he had lived there.

After a few minutes of chatting about your agencies and some equipment, you couldn’t push away the burning need to ask him about the apartment.

“I’m sorry, Deku. I’m afraid I wasn’t completely truthful in why I wanted to meet with you.” You gently slipped the file on the table between you, taking a slow breath in before you opened the cover. The picture of the two boys was harder to look at now.

“Is that…” Deku trailed off looking at the picture.

“I live in the same apartment you used to be roommates with him.” You started slowly, hoping he’d say something, but his eyes were glued to the picture. The smile he wore earlier falling a little now. “I just wanted to know if you had experienced anything weird after.”

You stopped, suddenly unsure of what to say. Deku’s silence was unsettling as he stared at the picture still.

“I’m sorry, this was stupid to ask you. I’m sorry if I brought up any unpleasant feelings.”

“I did.” He interrupted you and picked up the picture.

“What?”

“After, you know…” He trailed off for a moment before meeting your eyes again. “I don’t think that he left completely.”

“That makes sense.” You whispered, eyes falling to the table. You had been expecting this answer, but it still didn’t fail to startle you a bit.

“I’m guessing he is trying to contact you?” Deku asked as he looked back toward the photo.

“I’m not sure. Stuff just keeps happening. At first, it was random and spaced apart. Now it seems something happens every day. My friend even saw him one time.” You answered honestly. You weren’t mistaken about the things that happened in your apartment but you still were a little unsure.

“I would tell you to be careful but honestly, I don’t think he’s bad. It might be a little scary but I really think he is good. When he was alive, he was one of the most gentle, loving people I knew. It was not fair what happened, but sometimes things are better off this way.” Deku smiled up at you, tears were brimming his eyes. “Can I keep this photo?”

“Um. Ghost?” You said after a while of pulling courage together as you stepped back into your apartment. “I think I met someone close to you today.”

The silence was overwhelming as you stood in your kitchen hoping for something to happen. After a while, you gave up. It was already nighttime, and you had to get up early for work in the morning.

“Before I go, I guess I should tell you that Midoriya says hello and that he hopes you’re doing well.” It felt a little odd to seemingly talk to no one, but something felt like you needed to say it.

It took you a while to fall asleep, your thoughts were a blur. But somehow you managed to push them aside for long enough to start to drift off. After a bit there was a warm presence in front of you.

“Thank you.” A soft voice said. You looked up with the last bit of consciousness you had and saw a faint glint of purple in the moonlight.

The next day at work seemed to pull all of your energy from you. You had fought three different criminals in the streets, you had paperwork up to your ears and you even though you slept the entire night you felt like you didn’t sleep at all.

The morning started out normal, but the day only progressively got worse. You didn’t even get a chance to breathe in between the criminal attacks. To say that you were exhausted was an understatement.

When you were finally able to go back to your apartment, you still had another report to write. You didn’t remember being a hero was so tedious.

You settled at the coffee table in your living room with your laptop, crossing your legs. About halfway through the report you could feel your vision blurring and decided to take a break. Thinking a glass of water would help, you got up and made your way to the kitchen. In a single second, the ground went from stable to twisting.

You braced yourself to hit the hard tile but instead, you felt arms wrap around you. Your body was limp and you could barely catch your breath. With the last of your strength, you looked up meeting a pair of dark purple eyes.

You woke with a start as you took in your surroundings, you were in your room now. As you tried to remember how you’d gotten here something caught you off-guard.

“You’re up.” You whipped around at the sound of a voice startled. The boy from the photo stood a few feet from your bed. He was fairly tall with wild purple hair, dark purple eyes that had heavy bags under them. There was a paleness to his skin that you hadn’t noticed in the photo. He took a step forward and you must’ve shifted back unconsciously because he stopped abruptly. “Oh, uh, sorry.”

“No, no it’s okay.” You said. It took you a second to find your voice. After a second you looked away awkwardly and picked at the blanket that lay over the bed.

“Really, Y/n. You push yourself too hard sometimes.” Your eyes snapped up at him, widened. He knew your name. You felt a little silly at reacting like that. “Shit, I’m sorry. I must be scaring you.”

“Um, well not really? I don’t know.” You mumbled, causing him to look back up at you. “I’m a little surprised you seem to know me so well,”

“Yeah, sorry. You’ve been here for months now, you’re the only person I’ve seen in a while.” His voice evened out slightly, the wavering from before leaving.

“Oh right, I guess you would know a little bit about me then.” A soft smile fell on your lips, “Thank you for all the little things you’ve done for me in the past. Like hanging my umbrella on my purse that one time. And stop saying sorry!”

“Oh, sorry.” He grinned slightly after he realized he’d said it again. “You’re welcome. I tried to not get noticed.”

“Here, you can sit.” You said and moved over on the bed, sitting up all the way. He hesitantly sat on the edge of the bed when you motioned him over. The two of you were quiet for a moment.

“Thank you for talking to Midoriya, I-“ He paused, “I think he was someone important to me when I was alive. When you said his name, a couple memories came over me.”

“That’s good, I guess.” You said and looked over at him. There was a sadness to him, it was ever so slight. “Do you not remember before you, um.”

“Not really. When I try to think about it, it feels like my mind is swimming. There are a few things that I can remember, like Midoriya and a few emotions. But other than that, there isn’t much.” The sadness grew stronger in him, you could see it on his face now. Without even thinking, you reached out to grab his hand. He tensed slightly, and you were surprised that you could actually hold his hand. It was cold, a lot colder than you expected.

“I don’t know if I can be of any help, but I want to try. As much as you helped me in the past few months, I want to help you.” You spoke softly, it was the least you could do to repay him. He’d gone through unimaginable things.

“I would like that.” He said quietly and after a moment he leaned down resting his head on your shoulder. You squeezed his hand and smiled. “I’m glad I could help you even a little.”

It was quiet for a while between you two, for some reason you felt so close to this boy. This ghost. Somehow there was a connection as weird as it sounded.

“So, you know a lot about me.” You started and he shifted his head to look up at you. “Is there anything else that you know about yourself?”

He thought for a few seconds and nodded. “My name. It’s Shinso Hitoshi. You don’t have to call me ghost anymore.” You could feel your cheeks burn a bit until a yawn ripped from your throat. Shinso started to get up seeing that you were tiring again. “I know you don’t work tomorrow, but you still need your rest.”

“Shinso, wait.” You said pulling him down onto the bed again. “You can stay with me.”

He smiled at you and rubbed his thumb over your hand. “I can’t promise that I’ll be here when you wake up. Sometimes I can’t hold this form for long.”

“That’s okay, I just don’t want you to be alone right now.” Shinso felt his chest ache slightly, it was something he hadn’t felt in a long time, and he couldn’t tell what the feeling was. He reached over to turn the lamp off and slid down in the bed with you and you nestled yourself into his side, his arms wrapping around you. “I hope I didn’t scare you with the things I did.”

It was odd how real he felt despite the cold chill in his skin. All the stories you’ve heard about ghosts and lingering spirits not even one mentioned anything about a tangible body. You started to think he wasn’t a ghost after all.

“Do you remember anything that happened the night you passed?” You asked suddenly, like it was almost on instinct.

Shinso thought for a moment before he shook his head. “I’m sorry, I cant remember. It’s been a very long time since then I think. Why?”

“I’m wondering if this is due to a quirk. I’m sorry I think too much, especially when I’m tired.” You laughed slightly before shaking your head at the idea, it was too much to think about right now.

“Maybe you should go to sleep.” He spoke softly and you couldn’t help but agree with him.

“Okay, goodnight Shinso.” You whispered and finally shut your eyes. “Just don’t move too much stuff around tomorrow I want to clean.”

“Yeah, okay I won’t.” You could feel his chest vibrate as he laughed. “Hopefully, I can talk to you tomorrow without having to worry about you passing out.”

“You know, it was a lot quieter when you just moved my keys and stuff around.” You mumbled barely about to form the full sentence as you started to drift off once more.

“Okay, okay. I’ll be quiet. Goodnight.”

[anime-kia]

Action Potentials

So this one is inspired by myself, as I am in college. (Not saying that what happens in this story is what happened to me lmao!)

Warnings: Oral Sex and "Cheating" 

Relationship: Tutor! Fuckboy Erik x College Student Reader

P.S. If I said something wrong- physiology related -I apologize, I did this unit back in January so it might not all be correct idk (I hope it is lol). 

"In order for the vesicles containing neurotransmitters to bind to the pre synapse, calcium must enter the cell first. Then exocytosis can occur." Julie Clark, your physiology professor explained.

It made no sense. You stared at the lecture slide on your laptop, scratching your head. "But- wait, so what's the purpose?" 

She could see the confusion written all over your face. It's not that you weren't smart, but all these ridiculously long words combined with even more complex sentences had your mind muddled. 

"Because, once the neurotransmitters enter into the synapse and bind to the post synapse, sodium can enter and carry out the action-potential."

Your mouth hung slightly open, and your eyebrows raised. "Wh-what? I'm so confused." You sighed.

 "Which part?"

THE WHOLE DAMN THING! You wanted to scream at your ignorant professor. "All of it."

Unfortunately, you got lumped with one of the hardest and most confusing professors on the entire campus. She purposely made things overly complicated when they could be simplified. Her classes were passable, but hard to score top marks unless you were a natural born genius. 

"I did my best at explaining the steps. This is exactly what happens. I can't break it down anymore for you."

You deadpanned. This is what she calls her "best at explaining"?

"Just study some more, watch online videos and maybe try out one of our campus tutors. They're free." She pushed her chair back and stood up, "In fact, I'll recommend my best student to you. He's finishing up his Master's, but I'm sure he remembers a thing or two."

"What's his name?"

"Erik Stevens." She wrote his name down on a card and handed it over to you. 

You stared at the card. Get a tutor, huh...

Anyone who tutors had to have passed with at least an 80% in the class. Either they were book smart or smart at simplifying complex subjects.

Upon returning to your apartment, two out of three of your roommates were there, Chalissa and June. Both majoring in political science. Chalissa had fair skin, a large 3C mane that framed her chubby face and stood at 5'2. June had almond skin, neon pink single braids that went down her back and was average height. 

You met them on move-in day, and as the semester progressed, you developed somewhat of a friendship with each of your roommates. 

It was a blessing that June had a slight OCD, the dishes never piled up in the skin, the common area was always tidy and you were lucky to share a bathroom with her. Not that the other girls were messy, but they did have a tendency of leaving their stuff everywhere. 

Your missing roommate was Valentina. A short hispanic girl who kept her hair in a straight cut bob with bangs. She was rarely home, either out with her other friends, studying or working. The only times she would be home was to sleep, take care of her personal hygiene, and eat (rarely).

"Hey, girl." Chalissa greeted you from the kitchen. She was stirring something in a bowl.

"Hey, Lis." You locked the door and set your backpack down by your bedroom door, "Whatchya making?" 

"Brownies." She winked at you. 

Oh yeah, and Chalissa was a pothead. 

"Of course." You chuckled, "Are you going out?"

"Yeah, Trevor is having a little kick back. You wanna come?"

"As fun as it sounds, I gotta study."

"Aww." She pouted, "You can't do it later?"

"Unfortunately no, because I am extremely confused and we have a quiz coming up. My prof said I have to understand this otherwise everything else is gonna be gibberish."

June came out of her room dressed in a short red bodycon dress with her face beat.

The both of you ooo'd and awed at her.

"Where are you going looking all sexy like that?" Chalissa teased. 

"I may or may not have a date with that guy I was telling y'all about." June cheesed, her dimples on full display. 

"Alright, well have fun girl." You said, still admiring how perfect her eyeliner was. 

"But not too much fun!" Chalissa sternly added.

"Well I mean, that's why I brought this." She pulled a piece of gold foil out her purse and shoved it quickly back in. "Y'all didn't see anything." She slipped her black heels on and headed for the front door.

"Oop, get that dick then. Bye, girl!" You called out as she left.

"I hope he doesn't do her dirty like Bryan." 

"Right." You plopped down on the sectional and turned Netflix on.

"Uh-uh, what are you doing?"

"I'm catching up on Love Is Blind."

"Nah sis, you told me you don't wanna kick it with me cuz you gotta study. Now switch that corny ass show off and go study." 

"Well I can't study if I don't understand anything, I'm gonna get a tutor."

"And when do you plan on doing that?"

"Uh, sometime tomorrow."

Chalissa side eyed you, "A lie." 

"Wha-"

She took the remote from you and turned off the TV. 

"No baby girl, you are a pro at procrastinating. What I need you to do is get up and go to the library and book your appointment with the tutor."

"Lis, how you gon' do me like this."

"It's for your own good. I don't wanna hear that you failed a class. Now get up and go." 

You sighed deeply, and lifted yourself out of the seat. "I can't stand you."

"Love you too." She blew you a kiss that you smacked away. You took your keys from the table, slipped on your Vans and headed out to the library. 

Walking through campus in the evening was both relaxing, but sometimes a little scary depending on where you decided to walk. The breeze was nice on your skin, a little relief from the leftover heat that summer decided to bring into the fall season. It was quiet, spare for the small group of people playing different musical instruments. It was serene listening to the acoustics fill the air in the distance. 

As much as you wanted to sit outside and watch them play, you had to get to the library which would be closing in thirty minutes. You moved your feet at a faster pace and caught the door just as someone left, slipping inside. 

The two evening librarians were talking to each other, looking ready to go home. Once the door closed behind you, they both looked your way. 

"Library's closing." The thin and tall dorky looking one stated.

"I'm signing up for tutoring. My professor recommended someone to me." You pulled the card out of your Nike windbreaker pocket and placed it on the desk. "Erik Stevens."

"Oh, him." He scoffed. 

You raised an eyebrow, "Something wrong with him?"

The librarian glanced at you, and looked back at the card, "No." He entered something into the computer. "Student ID." He demanded, more than he asked without looking at you.  

Good thing you kept everything in your lanyard. You pulled it out of your jeans pocket and placed it onto the desk. 

The librarian picked it up and repeated your name in a mocking manner.

You narrowed your eyes at him and decided to let the attitude slide. Whatever this was worth, this Erik Stevens guy better not be some asshole that you now have to associate with. Because this Geoffrey Arend looking ass bitch was really getting on your bad side for no reason. 

"Alright, he will be in contact with you sometime tonight or tomorrow to work out a scheudle..." He lethargically responded. 

"Okay." You responded as dryly as he was with you, and picked up your stuff then left. You didn't bother thanking him, all he did was make you feel invalid and suspicious. 

Leaving you to wonder...

Who the hell is this Erik Stevens?

You returned back to the apartment, spending the night alone in the empty space relaxing on your bed while catching up on episodes of Love Is Blind. 

Just then, your laptop chimed telling you that an email came through. 

That was quick. You thought to yourself.

From: king.e.stevens@hotmail.com  

Subject: Tutoring

Yo,

Got your email saying you need a tutor. Lemme know what time works best for you. 

You were kind of surprised at the lack of formality within the email. All of your professors were so big on professionalism. 

You responded to him with the availability of Tuesday or Thursday afternoon. Luckily your classes happened during the morning time on those days.

Not even two minutes later and he replied.

You need both days?

You were almost insulted. So you responded back.

You: No, I'm just letting you pick a day in case one of them does not work with your schedule.

Erik: Aight, Tuesday @ 3pm in the study/tutor hall. Room 305

You: Okay, see you then. 

So there you found yourself, sitting in room 305 at 3:10pm on a windy Tuesday afternoon, waiting for Erik Stevens to come help you understand action potentials. But alas, he was now ten minutes late and you were growing impatient. 

Did he forget? 

You gave him five more minutes and if he wasn't through the door by time Money Trees stopped playing out of your earbuds, you were gathering your stuff and leaving. 

You lightly bopped your head to Jay Rock's verse while sketching a flower in the corner of your notebook. 

Then Kendrick's hook came on for the last time and you decided that you were not going to be kind enough to give Erik the outro of the song as well. 

Waste my time, huh?

You pulled your earbuds out and slid all your belongings into your backpack and got up from the plastic chair. 

Before grasping the handle, the door opened and in came a tall and brawny male with short dreads and a full beard that framed his face nicely. He was dressed down in light grey sweats, a hoodie with the schools name across the chest, black and white Jordan 11s and a gold chain supporting an interesting looking ring.

Now that is a fine ass man. 

The smell of sandalwood with a hint of coconut filled the entire room as he got closer.

"If you're getting tutored by Erik you might as well forget about it, he's not here." You said slightly annoyed as he watched you. 

"Well good thing I'm not being tutored." The male chuckled, "I'm Erik Stevens, nice to meet you." He held his hand out for you to shake.

You stared at him unimpressed, "And I'm (y/n), but you're late."

"I'm sorry ma, my bad. I got held up with some stuff."

"You could've sent me an email." 

He wiggled his hand, waiting for you to shake it, so you did. Curtly.

"Emails ain't really my thing, but you right. I should've said something." He pulled a seat out for the both of you.

You took your seat, again, and reopened your bag. 

"What year are you?" He asked.

"First year, but I took some time off to work before I decided to finally come to college."

"Ah... And you decided to take nursing?"

"Yep." You said, slightly unexcited. 

"You know what you're getting yourself into?"

"My mother is an RN so yeah... For the most part."

Erik hummed, watching you open your notebook. He picked up the page and examined your notes. "Action potentials, huh. Well I got some good news and some bad news for ya."

You raised an eyebrow, "Gimme the bad news first."

"Aight, well if you don't get this, you gon' have a hard time understanding how the rest of the neurons work together."  

You sighed, "Now the good news."

He smirked, "I kinda specialize in this unit. I've helped a lot of folks get high 80s and 90s."

"So you really be doing this tutoring stuff, huh?" 

"I mean they pay me to do it. But I was getting sick of helping all these niggas though. I was relieved as fuck to see you were a female."

You chuckled at his statement, "And what if I actually am a guy?"

"Don't play with me like that shorty, you too fine to be a nigga."

You were taken aback, blushing slightly. "Anyways, this ain't speed dating. I came here for your help."

"Yeah you right." Erik had a nice smile you thought to yourself, the gold caps adding an extra oomf to the niceness. "Aight so, tell me what's confusing you."

"Everything."

"Everything?"

"Everything." You restated. 

"Dang. You must got Julie as your prof." You nodded, "She made shit more complicated than it needed to be, imma be honest. But once you get use to her lingo it's easier."

"So how did you make it easier for yourself?"

"I mean... I'm kind of a genius as it is." He shamelessly bragged with a grin. 

"Yeah, okay." Your eyes rolled at his cocky tone. "I'm not stupid."

"I ain't say all that, ma. What helps is to simplify things, put 'em in your own words or actions." His tone was suggestive as was the look in his dark eyes.

"Meaning?" You beckoned for him to elaborate. 

His calloused hands gently took the wrist of your arm sending a chill to course through your body. "Well, the next unit is about how muscles contract."

Your eyebrow raised, "Okay..."

"So you got two filaments acting together to make it happen. Actin, your arm and myosin, my hand. Now imagine, if I pull your arm-" And that's exactly what he did, bringing you even closer to him. 

You gasped, "Er-" 

He smirked, "Now we closer together, meaning the muscle shortened. Why? Because myosin pulls on actin for muscles to contract." Erik slowly released his grasp on your wrist, eyes lingering. "But you don't gotta worry about that for now, so let's talk action potential." 

You've only known him for an hour and already he had an affect on you. You certainly got a somewhat better understanding on what action potentials were from his explanation. 

Julie should be fired, you thought. She was definitely one of those professors who didn't like children (even though majority of you were eighteen or older) and enjoyed watching people suffer. She was also a bragger, someone who was so proud to have a PhD and be getting paid well over $90,000 a year. 

That bitch needed to get over herself.

The rest of your professors were nothing like her. In fact they liked to simplify because they were just there to broaden your knowledge, sometimes you don't even use half of what you learn when you actually get a job.

Bless those teachers.

"How was your first tutoring session?" Chalissa asked, setting on a pot of rice. 

"Not bad at all." You said with a smirk, "He fine too." 

"Oop, ask him if he knows something about sex. Maybe he can tutor you there too."

You busted out laughing, "Girl, I might."

June arrived back in with a frown on her face, "He really had the audacity to stand me up y'all." She plopped down onto the sofa beside you, "Not a text, call or nothing."

"This was the first time right? Maybe he forgot." You suggested.

"Forgot my ass. He know everything, but not time? I think not." 

"Just let him explain, it could've been urgent."

"On the bright side, y'all were just going to the campus diner together." Chalissa added.

June sighed, using her finger to wipe a streak of dust off the coffee table, scowling at it. "Either way, he could've said that he couldn't make it. I was standing there for thirty minutes looking like a fool." 

You put a hand on her shoulder, "I'll whoop his ass if he doesn't make up for it, okay?"

She smiled, "Okay sis, but you might have to shoot him. He kinda big."

Chalissa let out a loud cackle from the kitchen causing the rest of you to laugh. 

June got up, "Lemme go call his ass and see what's up."

Just then a text was sent to your phone, it was from Erik. He somehow managed to get you to surrender your number to him after your first session. Suggesting that texting is easier than emails. Which is true, anyone other than a middle aged parent could admit that. 

Erik: Aye, wyd?

You were surprised that he texted you so casually because you've only known him for a day and he was only your tutor. 

You: Waiting for my roommate to finish cooking so we can eat.

Erik: You ain't helping her? That's tough.

You: Nah we take turns sometimes. Plus she insisted. 

Erik: Oh word. Aight so I just wanna make sure you retained everything I taught you.

You: Wh-

Erik: Super easy. What is the voltage a cell must reach in order for an AP to occur?

Thank God it was something you remembered. 

You: 60mv

Erik: Wrong.

You: How????

Erik: It's -60mv

You: Same difference.

Erik: Nah cuz if you said that on a test you'd lose marks

You sighed.

You: 😔

Erik: Don't trip, just remember its negative. Anyways, I think imma need to see you more than just Tuesday if you really wanna get this lesson down. 

You: Thursday is my only other free day.

Erik: And what about rn?

You: Like now now?

Erik: Yeah

You: I'm still waiting on this food tho.

Erik: Afterwards?

It was a little bit late, but your first class tomorrow didn't start until 2.

You: I guess I'm free, where you wanna meet up?

Erik: Same place.

You: Ok. But you better not take long again.

Erik: I won't.

So there you found yourself again in room 305, sitting in the same plastic chair from earlier. Erik was actually the one to let you in the door, keeping his promise to not be late. 

He was leaning against the white board, staring at you. 

"I'm tryna figure out why you thought coming to the study hall at 9:45pm was a good idea."

"I wanted to give you extra lessons. If you forgot something as easy as the voltage then God knows what else you forgot." 

Your jaw dropped as you frowned at him, "I got the number right though."

His phone started ringing, but he declined the call. 

"You did, but like I said, put that on a test and you lose marks." He walked over to you, pulling a chair out and sitting face to face with you. "Now explain to me how an action potential works." 

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?"

"Nah shorty, I need to see how much you remember. See if you was really paying attention or just checking a nigga out." He smirked, looking you up and down. 

You raised an eyebrow, mouth still ajar at his accusation. You didn't think he'd be that perceptive. Sure while he was reading off your book you glanced a few looks his way, but nothing too lustful... Right?

"I was not." 

"You sure?" He said, his eyes were low.

"Mhm." 

"Aight, then answer my question, ma. What happens?"

"The cell depolarizes."

"Why?"

"Cuz sodium channels open, letting in the positive ions."

"Then what?"

"The potassium channels open and let in negative ions so the cell hyper-polarizes."

You watched him shake his head.

"What? How is that wrong!?" You groaned in frustration.

The phone rang again, but he declined it once more.

"The sodium channels gotta close first, shorty." He got up and removed his black windbreaker. "Also, the cell re-polarizes, and then it hyper-polarizes." 

"Okay, small mistake." You shrugged.

"That'a cost you big marks." Erik added while pulling the blinds down that were on the door's window and locking it. "You ever take that test that determines what kind of learner you are?"

"Yeah, kinaesthetic was my highest." 

"That's good to know. You tryna learn how action potentials work physically?" He asked suggestively. It was written all over his face, ever since you locked eyes with him. Just a taste of your honeypot, that's exactly what he wanted. 

You'd be lying if you said you didn't want to try out his teaching method.

"And how would that work?" You inquired, lustful undertones in your voice.

"Let me get a taste of that pussy and imma show you." 

Your eyebrow jumped up, "How bold. What if I say no?"

"You won't." Erik cockily said, folding his large arms over his chest.

He was right, you definitely wouldn't. 

His phone rang once more and he let out an irritated growl before turning it off completely. 

"Maybe you should answer it, I can wait." 

"Nah, it ain't important."

"Judging by how many times they've rang your phone, I think it's important."

"Don't worry about it, baby girl. All you gotta worry about is not cumming during your lesson." He said, sitting you up on the desk and pulled off your leggings. 

"You not gon' let me cum?"

"Nah, not until I say you can." He moved your body backwards and laid you on your back. "Aight so, action potentials happen because something stimulates the cell." 

He moved your lace thong to the side and ran a finger over your clit. You shuddered in response and let out a gasp.

"Sodium channels open up, sodium ions go in and the cell depolarizes." 

You watched his face grow closer and closer to your core before everything he was saying fell onto deaf ears. His tongue ran over your clit, pussy already leaking from his advances earlier. 

His voice vibrated your pussy as he tongued you up and down. The movements were so precise and skilled. You continuously dripped onto his mouth and beard, moaning his name. 

"I-it's so good Erik, oh my gosh." 

"You like that, ma?"

"Mmmh yes, right there." You whined as his tongue flicked over your sensitive clit. "F-fuck."

One of his fingers inserted into your wet cavern, coating his finger in your juices. He sucked and pumped all at the same time sending your mind into a frenzy.

How did I get here? How did I get so lucky to have him as my tutor?

"Fuck!" You screamed out as another one of his fingers plunged into you.

"Shhh, class is still in session, baby."

You bit your bottom lip in attempt to stay quiet, but it was hardly working. The man that had your legs spread apart, tonguing you down like it was his last supper had you in shambles. He was too good at this. 

"Ohhh my gosh, Erik, ugh please!" 

"Please what?" He smirked up at you, though your eyes were rolled back in your head behind your closed lids. 

"Please make me cum." You gasped out. 

"I got you, ma. But the lesson ain't over yet." He teased.

There was so much intense pressure built up in your pussy, and you took a peek at Erik, his eyes so focused onto your lower body. He roughly fingered you and juices started to squirt out and you could no longer contain your voice.

"Fuck! Oh my gosh, Erik! Yesssss!" 

He scooted back a little, half of his face was covered in your wetness. 

"She a squirter too? Dang." He grinned as you came undone before him. 

You panted, as he slid his fingers out, licking the juices off. 

"And that's how an action potential works." 

You looked at him in shock, "Were you really still talking while doing me up like that?"

He tossed you a tissue box from the desk. "That was the purpose of this, baby girl. So now tell me how they work, and if you can't imma have to punish you till you get it right." 

"Wha- You can't eat me out like that and expect me to focus!" 

"Sure can." He challenged. "It's worked before, but... I can give you another method if you'd like." 

His pants fell to his ankles and you stared at the large bulge in shock. 

This was gonna be a long night. 

Back in your apartment, June was upset venting to Chalissa, but then she got a call and flew out the apartment door like nothing happened. 

"You're glowing." Chalissa smirked, wiggling her eyebrows at you.

You lifted a shoulder with a cheeky look on your face. "Am I?"

"Lemme find out you let him hit."

"Maybe I did, maybe I didn't."

"Ooooh, you nasty! That's what I like!" She cheered you on.

You grinned, and walked proudly into your bedroom. You took a hot shower. Legs and pussy both sore, but it was so worth it.

You laid awake thinking about how this older and fine ass man really had you giving it up to him that fast. Any other guy and you would've been out ASAP. But Erik was so damn charming and charismatic. So enticing. 

Thursday rolled around and you were studying normally with Erik once again. This time he was at your apartment. Everyone else was still in their classes so you had the place to yourself. 

The test was tomorrow so you had to make sure that you really, really understood everything. 

"And me coming down from an orgasm would be like the cell going back to resting membrane potential, right?" 

"Exactly and what's that number?" 

"-70mv." You responded proudly.

He grinned, happy that you finally grasped the concept. "You ready for that test, girl." 

The impossible happened! You smiled.

"Want something to eat?" You got off your bed, stretching your arms up. 

"What you got?"

"Leftover pizza."

"From where?" 

"Homemade, it's really good. My roommate made it." You led the way to the kitchen. 

"You still not cooking, huh?" He followed you out the room.

"I do, it just wasn't my day!" You argued. 

"Whatever you say, ma." He spanked your bum and squeezed it as you pulled the tray out of the fridge. 

He stood behind you and whispered in your ear, "When you letting me get that pussy again though?"

You turned your head, "Ion know, if you act right you might get some right now."

"Bet." He kissed your neck and sucked it, but that was short lived as the front door opened. He pulled away and in came June and Chalissa with frappuccinos in hand.

"Erik?" June questioned, her eyebrows narrowed in confusion. "What are you doing here?" She looked between the both of you. 

You could hear him curse under his breath.

"Y'all know each other?" Chalissa asked, also looking baffled. 

"Yes, this is who I been seeing." As the words left her mouth you started to feel faint. "I just didn't expect to see him here cuz I never gave him the address..."

"Small world." You said, keeping your composure. "He's actually my tutor, but he was just leaving." 

"Y-yeah... I'll catch you next week, (Y/n)." He put his shoes on and kissed June's cheek on the way out, "I'll see you later."

The door locked and you all were in silence for a good minute. Awkward wouldn't even justify the tension in the room.

"Well, I'm gonna put all this stuff away." June said, walking to her bedroom and locking the door a little aggressively.

Chalissa was still staring at you. You stared back at her with a pitiful look.

"That was him?" She whispered to you.

You bit your lip and nodded. 

June exited her room, and headed to the front door. "I'm going to the gym."

"Okay, stay safe." Chalissa waved her goodbye as the front door closed. "So y'all had sex?"

You nodded again and took a seat on the bar stool, face palming. "I didn't know, Lis."

"I ain't blaming you, but what are we gonna tell her?"

"Please don't say anything yet. She finna kill my ass." 

"If anything, his ass needs to be killed. He really playing her for a fool."

"I know, and then it's my fault! I barely know him too."

Chalissa sighed and admitted, "He fine though- But that's besides the point!" 

"The thing is, he didn't act like he was in a relationship either. He openly admitted to me that he be fuckin' around. That's what folks do in college so I would've never guessed he was with her." 

"I don't wanna blame her, but she says they're dating. Maybe he don't see it that way."

"Honestly, that's what I'm thinking, but it still doesn't make it right."

"I agree, call him and see what he has to say."

You groaned, frustrated at your situation. You knew the truth would be revealed at some point, but you kind of wished you could take it to the grave with you. Even if it would nag your guilty conscience until the end of time. 

You waited a few hours before dialling his number. On the third ring he picked up, "Wassup?"

"Look, I just want to know the truth, okay. Cuz I feel like shit right now."

"Why? I told you what was up."

"No, Erik. That's not the point. The fact of the matter is June says y'all are dating. Had I known I never would've done that with you."

There was a long pause before he let out an irritated sigh, "Dating?"

"That's what she said."

"So that's why her ass won't leave me alone... Bruh, I took her out for dinner two times that's it."

"Well she clearly believes that you two are exclusive. You got to be up front with her because if she cares about someone she will do anything for them."

"Nah she need to relax with all that shit. I ain't never said anything about making it official with her."

"You fucked her didn't you?" 

"Yeah, but that don't mean she my girlfriend. You ain't my girl." 

You were honestly annoyed with Erik's lack of sensitivity. 

"Then explain that to her and stop leading people on!"

"Look bruh, I didn't promise her nothing. She put that all in her head by herself. I gave her some dick one time and now she want me? Y'all wild." 

"Then explain that to her!"

He kissed his teeth on the other end, "I will, but you need to stop yelling at me. Ion appreciate that shit."

"And I'm sure June doesn't appreciate being led on."

"Listen, you worry about your test tomorrow and I'll worry about my situation. Ion wanna hear you failed cuz you couldn't get your mind off of this. You stressin' for nothing."

"Er-"

"I said imma talk to her, aight? Now stop worrying about it."

You sighed and said your farewells. It still didn't help your feelings, but at least it wasn't technically cheating...

"And that's time. Pencils down." Julie instructed.  The TA went around the room collecting the papers, "Your marks will be posted around next week this time. Enjoy the rest of your day."

Students filed out of the classroom and you made a quick trip to the restroom. It was a slightly challenging test, but Erik's methods certainly did help you remember things. You remembered it so well that you ended up dripping in your panties the entire test. 

Erik shot you a text.

Erik: How did it go?

You: I think I did good. But I got a problem and imma need your help.

Three hours later you were laid up in Erik's bed, snuggling under his arm. 

"This still feels so wrong."

"I told you this ain't a relationship. I'm a single ass nigga and imma keep it that way. Y'all females can't just take dick and go, can you?"

 "You gotta understand that not all of us can sling pussy around and not catch some type of feeling."

"You catching feelings?"

"No, cuz you're a fuckboy and I ain't here for that." 

"That's not what you was saying five minutes ago."

You slapped his chest, "Not the point! What did you tell her?" 

"I told her that we ain't a thing, we just talking, but of course she ain't like that." He began laughing, your head slightly bouncing against his chest. "I never been cursed out like that in my entire life."

"What did you expect, you had her thinking y'all had something."

"But I never said we were, shorty is crazy."

"Can't blame her when you got dick like this." You wrapped your hand around his flaccid member which started to grow harder at your touch. 

"What you tryna say?"

"You got dick that'll make a girl crazy." You shrugged, and got up "Anyway, I gotta head back to my place now."

"Need a ride?"

How nice of him, at least he was somewhat of a courteous fuckboy...

"That would nice." 

You both pulled on your clothes and headed down to the front door. As you opened it, your eyes widened, staring at June who had her finger inches away from the doorbell. Mascara running down her cheeks.

"(Y/n)?!" She gasped. "I can't fucking believe it, I was right! You fucked him didn't you!" 

"I-I-" 

"I was tryna give you the benefit of the doubt, but here you are!" She sniffled, more tears spilling from her eyes.

"June I-"

"No fuck you!" She poked you in your chest harshly, "And fuck you too you big headed dirty ass, trifling fucking piece of shit!" She cursed at Erik. 

She stormed down the stairs, and went into her car, driving off. 

"Why was she here, Erik!?" You angrily asked him. 

"I didn't know she was coming!" 

You rolled your eyes and groaned, "This is gonna be so awkward now." 

He drove you home in silence.

For at least a week you hadn't seen June. She didn't come home at all, and for the first time you were seeing more of your other roommate, Valentina, than June. 

Your test results were posted online and you passed with flying colours. Erik was very proud that his teaching skills helped you out.

I can't be too mad at Erik now. 

Though you were happy, you did wish that the cost of an almost perfect test wasn't at the expense of your relationship with your roommate. She didn't deserve this treatment, but it was neither of your faults. 

The problem was, she assumed Erik wanted her. He should've been way more clear about his intentions with her. 

June ended up finding a new place to live, which you were pretty grateful for considering she could hold grudges extremely well. Erik continued to tutor you, but you made sure that he wasn't "seeing" anyone so you didn't have to worry about having any more problems with anyone. 

"So what's your next lesson?" He asked, pulling his belt from the loops.

"The endocrine system." You replied confidently, excited to learn what new methods he'd be using. 

"So you learning how hormones work, huh?" A smirk appeared on his lips, "Class is in session, so you better pay attention or else you getting punished if you get it wrong. When I'm done with you, you finna be an expert, baby."

This took me damn near three months to write omg! Idk why.

I started it and left it alone for so long! But I'm glad it's finally finished. 

I hope y'all are holding up well during these times. 

I also hope you enjoyed, I think this was an okay story, but not my best. 

Thanks for reading!

(Start/Finish: February 16, 2020 - May 4, 2020) 

[scuttle-buttle]

Chapter 10

WC: 1633

Rated: E

Chapter Tags: anxiety, angst, brief fears of infidelity, discussions of childbearing and marriage/gender roles, psych theories, some manipulation, age difference, brief mention of domestic violence (there is none)

A/N: If you have any questions regarding the tags for this chapter and want to ask me about it before reading please do so! The chapter is not necessarily dark but I understand that some may want me to give a more detailed warning/context. I want all my readers to be as comfortable as possible 💙

🧠

It started out small. He would bring up Dr. Stratton during conversation more and more often. Three times now he had been late to office hours, causing you to have to wait outside his room, nervously checking the time. But it’s nothing, you continue to remind yourself. They’re just good friends that haven’t seen each other in years. And you trust them both.

When another Friday night passed with Laszlo skipping drinks in favor of meeting with Karen, you decided to stay in as well. It had been a month since they reacquainted with one another. In those weeks you had seen less of him outside work. Your sex life was stagnating too, much to your annoyance. He had even canceled at the absolute last minute on a dinner date. Naturally, you had begun to feel a twinge of jealousy at his lack of attention. He kept saying it was work related. Nevertheless, the sullen temperament you'd adopted went unnoticed by the doctor. You felt foolish; you weren’t so needy that you had to make a big deal about it. So you said nothing on the issue.

You sat on the old couch in your apartment. Bitsy was getting ready to go out with Lucius for date night. Picking at your fingers, you decide to ask your roommate for advice. “Hey Bits?”

“Yeah?” she called from her bedroom.

“Can I ask you a question about Lucius?” you start.

“Sure, what’s up?”

You pause as you think of how to word your thoughts. “Do you ever, like, get jealous? When he hangs out with other girls I mean.” Her head pops out of the door frame as she finishes fastening her earring, eyebrows raised in question. “It’s just that Laszlo has been spending a lot of time with Dr. Stratton now that she’s back in town. I trust them and everything, but I’m starting to feel a bit left behind I guess…” you trail off.

“Oh honey, that's normal.” She waves a hand through the air as she speaks. “There’s this girl at the lab that Lucius works with and for the first month I was convinced she was trying to steal him away from me. Turns out she just wanted Marcus, his brother!” Bitsy lets out a cackle.

“Right…” you pick at the skin around your fingernails. “I just feel silly about it. I’m sure I’m overreacting to the whole thing, though. Laszlo would never do anything, and I don’t think Dr. Stratton would either,” you remind yourself outloud. "There's just this thing John said to me about them having a past and I can't get it out of my head."

“It's not silly.” Bitsy had moved further into the bedroom, causing her voice to be slightly muffled. “But if it bothers you that much, talk to him about it. He’s a psychologist, it’s kinda his job to understand emotions and things like this. And if he loves you like you say he does then he’ll put a bit more effort into giving you his attention.”

You marinate on what she’s told you. Bitsy is right, if it bothers you that much then you need to bring it up with him. Be an adult, use communication, and all that. “Why’re you always right and level-headed about everything?”

“Someone’s gotta be, with a hot head like you,” she snarks. Her phone buzzes letting her know her date is downstairs. With a squeeze on the shoulder she bids you goodbye, telling you to let her know if you need anything.

_

The atmosphere in Dr. Stratton’s office felt off. What was usually so open and warm had felt forced and awkward. You were still ignoring the guilt of your jealousy at the doctor. She wasn’t as talkative today, unlike usual. Instead, it was strictly business. You chalked it up to her having an off day.

The two of you discussed in more depth the fetishes and kinks from the list you had compiled. Unfortunately, due to spending less time with your boyfriend the last few weeks you hadn’t had much of an opportunity to try any of the new tricks you were learning about. Therefore, you had little to really talk about in that regard. You found that you didn’t particularly mind, as you were feeling less inclined to want to share about your love life due to your envy towards the woman in question.

Dr. Stratton quietly gathered together her notes from the session and placed them into the folder. You were about to ask if she needed anything else from you when her lips parted before closing again. She leaned forward on her desk towards you. Her fingers steepled under her chin.

She licks her lips. “There is something I wish to discuss with you unrelated to the study.”

You didn’t like where this was going. Dread pooled in your gut at the concerned look on her face. “O-okay.”

“Now I want you to understand that I only bring this up out of concern for your wellbeing and emotional health. But some of the things you have told me over the course of this study have me worried.”

What on earth could you have said that would cause this sort of reaction from her? She was the most calm and collected person you had ever known. To have her speaking out made your heart race in your chest.

She takes a moment to gather her thoughts before opening her mouth again. “In truth I worry about your current relationship. I fear that-”

Brows furrowing, your mind goes to the worst conclusion. You blurt out “what? No! He doesn’t hurt me or anything, I don’t know what would have given you that impression but I- ”

The doctor reaches out with her hand to settle on your forearm. “My dear take a breath, I meant no such thing.”

You take a deep inhale to compose yourself. “Then what are you talking about?”

“Speaking as your friend, and as an alienist, I fear that this boyfriend is potentially using you for your youth,” she begins the tale she concocted, unbeknownst to you. “In my experience as a psychologist, the young women such as yourself that I encounter with significantly older male companions find themselves locked into the relationship. Typically, it is from dependence on money at first. Over time, the male pressures the woman to be compliant in things like marriage and childbearing. I understand how difficult it is for a woman as driven as you to balance your aspirations with relationships and domestic matters. Do you want children?”

Her statement and question take you back. Confusion is written all over your face. Marriage? Children? Neither you nor Laszlo had ever brought up either subject. You didn’t even know if it was something he was interested in. “Wait what? I'm not sure I follow…”

“Men around his age go through an identity crisis in which they begin to become aware of their mortality. A change in priorities. The most common desire is to procreate, to start a family in which to pass on their wisdom is strongest here. Are you prepared to give him children soon? Of course there is nothing wrong with wanting to be a mother, it is a very noble role. Yet you do not strike me as someone ready for such a large step.”

You can barely form a coherent thought at her onslaught. The whole conversation was so out of the blue that you felt incredibly lost. Did you want children? Did he want children? Now? You wrap your arms around your torso to stave off the uncertainty and anxiety you feel creeping in. No words come to your defense at her interrogation. You are speechless, jaw dropped.

She stands and crosses the room, placing her cool hands on your cheeks. “My dear you are still a child yourself. This is something you need to consider. To… consider the possibility that you can’t give him what he needs. That he may need someone closer to his age with the same priorities, someone more willing to give in to his needs now. I don’t think you’re ready for that. I’ve seen the cost that these girls face. And the societal pressures and judgement you would face being with someone so much older? I think it could throw you into a state similar to after your friend passed. I wouldn’t want to see you in that position again. I want you to have your freedom."

Dr. Stratton looks up at the clock suddenly; “oh! My, I’m going to be late for a meeting, you’ll have to go. I don’t believe we need any more sessions for the study, but I will let you know if anything changes.”

You are too in shock trying to process everything she said to you as she ushers you out of the door with a “think about what I said, dear.” The door shuts behind you.

Karen sat with a huff. She felt a tad guilty for what she had said to you. She had no idea if Laszlo wanted marriage or children, he hadn’t when they were first together. But times change. She hoped that by using the angle of kids and identity crises that she could subtly plant a seed of doubt in your mind. Strike quickly and overwhelmingly, plant the doubt that you weren’t right for him, then push you out before you have the chance to seek answers or reassurance from her. It seemed you bought her false concern as actual worry. You were a great girl. But you were just that - a girl. You couldn’t give Laszlo what he needed, not like she could.

Now she simply had to wait and let your mind eat away at itself, leaving him for the taking.

Tag list

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[illfoandillfie]

Pet Names, Double Dates and Other Fiascos

READ PLATONICALLY

Request:  SECOND ARO FIC OH MY GOD !!!! maybe them getting a lil dirty and ben really does a number on reader, so he takes her to mcdonalds or sumn and the waiter says something along the lines of “you’re such a cute couple!” and reader gets really uncomfortable with it maybe??? and ben being taking her home and cuddling her PLATONICALLY and he’s like “it’s ok we don’t need to let anyone else’s opinions affect us”

Pairing: Aromantic!Fem!Reader x Ben Hardy

Summary:  It's (nearly) all fun and games until someone assumes your relationship is romantic.

Warnings: Smut, kitchen sex, floor sex, oral sex (f receiving), a mild hint at choking, vaguely dom!Ben but not intentionally lmao, discussions of aromanticism and queerplatonic relationships, not as dialogue heavy as the first part though. 

Words: 7, 264

A/N: Happy Arospec Awareness Week!! Big thanks to the anon who sent in that request when I asked for ideas for future chapters. I put a little bit of a twist on your idea but it’s fundamentally the same. Also the last scene is one that I’ve been thinking about for literal months now and I finally managed to fit it into a fic! 

As always, if you’re curious about anything to do with aromanticism I am very happy to talk about it and answer questions! 

Taglist:  @atomic-watermelon @kellypenac @labessieisallama​ @deakyclicks​ @jennyggggrrr​ @drowseoftaylor​ @hannafuckingsucks​ @i-cant-hangout-im-drumming​ @queenmylovely​ @ilovequeenmorethanyou​ @johndeaconshands​ @borhapbois​ @stardust-galaxies​ @cherries-n-rocknroll​ @scorpiogemini

The day had started off well. You woke with Ben tucked up under your arm, his legs curled up towards his chest since you’d stole the covers as you’d slept. Your face was pressed against the back of his neck and you felt him shift as you sighed sleepily and tried to keep from waking. Squeezing your eyes shut and pretending you hadn’t stirred must have worked because the next thing you knew was waking up to an empty bed and tinkly tapping sounds from somewhere else in the apartment. Groggily you shuffled out from the inviting comfort of the mattress, stretched, and pulled down the hem of the shirt you’d slept in to better cover your otherwise bare thighs before following the noises. You found Ben, still in his pyjamas (well, his boxer briefs) in the kitchen, dropping a couple of toasted waffles onto a plate, humming to himself.

“That for me?” you asked, stifling a yawn. “It can be,” he said, passing the plate to you with a quick kiss on your cheek, “There’s some cut up fruit and the maple syrup out on the coffee table and there’s coffee brewing over there,” “Thanks Benny,” “You’re welcome, Puddin’,” “Puddin’?” “I thought it was cute,” “Very cute.” You laughed as you reached for your coffee, unable to help but smile as you left the room. The first few months of your partnership had taken some adjusting and one thing Ben had decided he would do to make you both feel more at home with the dynamic was to come up with some non-romantic based terms of endearment for you. You’d vetoed things like baby and honey straight away, all of them a little too heavily skewed towards romance, or just reminders of past relationships you’d tried to force yourself into, for you to enjoy them. But, as Ben had said, he liked a good pet name, and he’d seemingly been determined to prove as much, constantly coming up with new things to call you. You, never really one for pet names anyway, mostly stuck with Benny or Benjamin if the situation called for something longer but you had a few other go-tos – things like Pet and Blondie as signs of affection, or Handsome and Tiger when you wanted to make him blush.

A few minutes later Ben joined you on the couch, placing his coffee down beside yours, almost spilling it as he watched the news story that was playing. “Remember we’ve got that double date with Jill and Martin this afternoon,” you said, the memory only just coming to you yourself. “Yeah, what time was that?” “Hang on, I’ll check the chat.” You scrolled through the messages on your phone with one hand while you ate with the other, “uhhh right, yeah, meeting at the bowling alley at 1.30.” “Bowling? Good, better than another shitty movie,” You laughed, “hey the last one they picked wasn’t too bad.” “Yeah I know, just not in the mood for it since I’ve been on set all week. I know if I went to the cinema now I’d just get distracted thinking about all the behind the scenes stuff which isn’t ideal for becoming invested in the story. Plus they’re always choosing romcoms, doesn’t that get annoying for you?” “Not really,” you shrugged, “I mean, do I sometimes wish they’d branch out? Sure. But I enjoy romance in fiction I just don’t need it in my real life. Don’t get me wrong though, very happy to do something different this time.” “How long d’you think we’ll be out?” You shrugged, “A few hours maybe?” “We should pop to the shop on the way back then. You need milk and we could get something nice for dinner.” “Sounds good. Does that mean you’re staying over again tonight?” “I was planning to, yeah. Barely saw you last week so I was hoping to spend all weekend with you to make up for it.” “Bet you regret agreeing to go out with them now,” “Kinda. S’pose it’s too late to cancel though,” “Nah you still could but you know they’ll get stroppy about it and we’ll have to go out with them next week. They don’t have any other couple friends since Neil and Percy split and Bianca took her fella overseas.” “Yeah, wasn’t seriously suggesting it.” “What would the plan have been if we did cancel?” Ben chewed a mouthful of fruit thoughtfully, “you, me, your bed. No need to be too quiet since Sophie’s still out,” he glanced at your roommate’s bedroom door, his eyes swinging back to you as he continued, “Or y’know, we could do a puzzle and listen to music all day, have a cat nap after lunch, whatever.” “You’re cute when you’re being all lazy,” “There would be nothing lazy about it thank you very much,” “Cat naps aren’t lazy?” “You know that’s not the part I was talking about,” “It wasn’t? Then what won’t be lazy,” you tried to hold back a giggle in the middle of your faux confusion but broke when Ben blew a raspberry at you in response.

Nothing more was said about cancelling as you finished your breakfast, though truthfully you probably wouldn’t have minded if Ben had cried off sick and rescheduled the double date. But you both decided that Sunday would be a day for just the two of you to make up for having to spend Saturday afternoon with others. Instead, you spoke of the week just passed and commented on the news still playing on the TV. When you were finished (Ben using the last corner of one of his waffles to swipe the remnant syrup from his plate) you stood and stacked the sticky dishes in your arms. Ben collected the coffee cups and a few other assorted dishes from the previous night, leading the way towards the kitchen and the dishwasher. He loaded his small collection onto the shelves before turning to grab the top plate from the pile you held. A noise of disgust rose from his throat as you held the plate out and he miscalculated the trajectory, his palm landing in a puddle of syrup and fruit juice. You were torn between laughing at his expression and taking the opportunity to toy with him a little but, always ready to tease him, your desire to see him blush won out. Trying not to smile too much, you reached forward and wrapped your hand around his wrist, pulling his palm closer so you could lick the sweet syrup from his skin. Predictably his cheeks turned pink and he pulled his lip between his teeth as you let him go with a laugh. “Bet you’re really wishing we didn’t have to go out now, huh Tiger?” Ben didn’t respond but he did react, his eyes locked on you as he swiped his fingers along the same plate and held them out in offering. Not quite sure where things were heading but very keen on finding out, you leaned forward and let your lips part slightly. He took the action for what it was, an invitation, and trailed his fingertips across your lower lip before slipping them between the two. He watched closely as you sucked his fingers deeper, using your tongue to lick up the sweet residue. There was still an element of novelty with this aspect of your partnership. Still part of you that was intensely aware that it was Ben’s fingers in your mouth. There wasn’t any hesitation though, hadn’t been since that first time when you’d both had to psych yourselves up to actually look at each other naked. But there was a part of your brain that was almost surprised when you found yourselves at the edge of a sexual situation. You suspected he was similarly discombobulated by how easy it was for you to end up there, how frequently playful teasing and friendly jokes turned into hands grasping at bed sheets and breathless moans against sweat-slick skin. He pulled his fingers free from your lips, unwilling or perhaps unable to shift his gaze away from the thin string of saliva that connected them like some kind of erotic spider web that you were both already caught in. You waited to see what he’d do next, feeling your heart race in the pregnant pause so full of potential. And then he moved. You laughed as he grabbed you around the waist and lifted you at the same moment he stepped towards the bench, your legs instinctively wrapping around him. He kissed you too, hungrily, as if it were impossible to resist. You’d looked down at him and suddenly been pulled towards each other, lips meeting with all the force and attraction of a magnetic field. Usually, he would have had a hand against the back of your head or your jaw but carrying you meant both his hands were already occupied so instead you substituted your own, tangling your fingers into the hair at the nape of his neck to keep him from pulling away too far. As soon as you were safely positioned on the edge of the bench though his hands were free to fall elsewhere. One pressed against the small of your back as the other squeezed your thigh, encouraging you to keep your legs spread. Not that you could have closed them with Ben standing between them and not that the thought had even crossed your mind.

If you’d had all day Ben probably would have taken his time with you. Despite what he’d said earlier, you’d discovered Ben had a soft spot for slow and sensual intimacy. Making out that gradually built to passionate kiss-filled sex, foreplay that included soft caresses and whispered praise, anything that let him explore your body in intricate detail with his hands and lips. You’d been with guys like that before and had hated their insistence on linking hands and kissing you slowly. Those relationships never lasted long but with Ben it felt different, it felt good. Maybe it was because he knew you weren’t on board with overtly romantic acts and respected those boundaries you’d talked about so you never felt as if he were pushing you into a roll you didn’t enjoy. Or maybe he was just a better lover than they had been. Either way, it came to same result. You still preferred something less gentle and more energetic, though you felt you better understood the appeal of being held so close and kissed so tenderly. But with only a few hours before you’d have to start getting ready, Ben was inclined to speed things up a little. His hand quickly slipped up your thigh to press against your pussy, the cotton knickers you’d slept in the only thing keeping him from direct contact. You broke the kiss suddenly, the smacking sound loud in the small room, and dipped your head to press your lips to the notch between his clavicles. In response, Ben lifted his chin, exposing more of his throat to you and you took the chance to playfully nip at the junction where his neck and shoulder met. “Oi, no marks,” he said lwoly as you moved to kiss back up towards his jaw. “Afraid I’ll brand you with my initials?” “If you could legibly write your initials in hickeys I’d put up with whatever teasing the makeup ladies gave me,” “I’ll give it a crack then shall I?” Before you could so much as flick your tongue over his skin, Ben had raised a hand and placed it over your mouth to keep you from testing our your writing abilities, “Don’t think theres enough time, Sugar, but if you really want to I’ll let you try tonight, on my thigh where no one is likely to see it.” “Make it your arse and you’ve got a deal,” you said though it was a little muffled by his palm. “Fine,” he laughed, drawing his hand away, “But then I get to try it on you too,” You nodded, grinning, and then both fell into giggles, leaning against each other’s shoulders. This was what you’d hoped for when Ben had first approached you with the idea of being partners, what you’d been afraid you’d never actually find. Someone who would follow your tangential jokes even if it delayed sex. Someone you could be yourself with. You were distracted from the thought as Ben pressed his lips to your shoulder over the sleeve of your shirt. “Should I continue?” he asked, still smiling though softer, his fingertips lightly dancing over the crease of your thigh. “I’d be offended if you didn’t” “Can’t have that,” he leaned in to catch your lips once again, at the same time resuming stroking you over your panties so that you felt all the air leave your lungs in a rush. It felt good but you need more and so shifted your hips, trying to press yourself harder against his fingers. To get more leverage and better brace yourself as your centre of gravity changed, you dropped a hand behind you. Intuitively, Ben shifted the hand on your back higher and closer to your side to help keep you steady, the other still drawing lines along your clothed slit. You gasped as his thumb took up residence against your clit, rubbing it firmly so a visible damp patch began to form on your panties.

Ben grinned at you as your breath came harder and dragged his thumb back down away from your clit towards the leg of your underwear. Still watching your reactions, he twisted his fingers up under the material, gently tracing them along the same path they’d just followed only now he could feel your wetness directly. “I’ve got an idea,” he said, leaning close to your ear, as he circled your entrance with a fingertip before pressing it into you, “of how I’d like to fuck you right now. It might take a little flexibility on your part though. I mean, nothing too much, just getting your legs up on my shoulders.” Curious, and more than a little distracted by the addition of a second finger inside you, you nodded, “Sounds fun.” “Knew you’d say that. Just tell me if it’s too uncomfortable,” “Will do.” You leaned forward as Ben moved back a little, taking his fingers with him, giving you enough room to drop your hand to his crotch and grasp his stiff length through his undies, “Just get on with it.” “Puddin’ was too nice a nickname for you. Sugar too.” he gasped as you dragged your palm along his length and back again. “What’s the matter, Tiger?” “Maybe I should call you Tiger, if you’re going to keep grabbing my cock like that,” You laughed and let him go, leaning back on your palm again, “Tigress? Whatever, doesn’t matter. Are you going to fuck me or not?” “No I just wanted to get my dick hard for no reason,” he said sarcastically, poking his tongue out at you as he pushed his underwear down. “You’re such a –” you broke off with a sharp gasp as Ben tugged your underwear aside and pressed into you without warning, “dork.” Ben chucked and leaned in to kiss you quickly before readjusting your position a little by pulling you closer to him so your arse was right against the edge of the bench. Slowly he rolled his hips against you, pulling back and thrusting forward again, finding a rhythm that worked. You leaned back on both palms as Ben grabbed you by the waist, the other resting on your knee to keep it pressed against his side. “This feel alright?” he asked as he gave another thrust, hitting a spot deep inside you. “Mmhmm,” you nodded, able to feel yourself growing wetter with each stroke of his cock. “What about this?” Ben shifted first one of your legs and then the other to his shoulders, encouraging you to bend them at the knee. His hands moved to your sides, fingertips digging into your back as he pressed you even closer. The effect was that you felt as if you were almost folded in half but it wasn’t too uncomfortable. There was an almost weightless feeling to it and any slight awkwardness you felt with your chest meeting your thighs was a small price to pay for just how good Ben felt once again moving inside you. You tightened your fingers against the benchtop, wishing there was something you could grab onto as your whole body rocked with each of his thrusts, the position allowing him to penetrate you deeply, continuously brushing against a number of spots that sent electric spikes of pleasure through you. “Fuck,” was about all you could think to say. “That a good fuck?” Ben questioned, voice gruff with his exertions. “Yeah, yes, fuck, so good,” “So you like when I do this?” You let out a soft moan as he roughly fucked into you again, timing it just right. “I’ll take that as a yes,” he half laughed, turning his head to kiss your leg before leaning forward to catch your lips again. After that there wasn’t much room for talking. Ben, having assured himself that you were happy, speeded up his rhythm, clutching you tightly to keep your legs from slipping off his shoulders. His breathing became rougher, matching your own, as he drove into you, though he still kissed you as much as he could, panting against your lips, swallowing your moans and pushing whatever air he had into your lungs.

You could feel your orgasm bubbling up, like a pot of water on the verge of boiling, but knew Ben would reach his first, recognising his expression as the one he wore when he was trying to hold back from the edge. “Fu-ck you’re s-so tight,” he grunted, squeezing his eyes shut as he leaned his forehead against yours, “gonna have to pull out soon,” You could feel him pulling away and tightened your calves on either side of his neck in an effort to stop him, needing just a little more to reach your own release. “Not helping,” he groaned, suddenly unable to hold off any longer, “Shit. Y/N.” You whined as he stilled to shoot his release over your walls. “Jesus,” he said a little breathlessly, as he pulled out, your underwear slipping back over you, and rubbed his neck absentmindedly, “Didn’t expect that to finish me off. Did you…?” You shook your head, letting your leg slip to be caught in the crook of Ben’s arm. “Well let’s fix that, shall we,” he said, already letting you go to bend forward, his face right between your thighs. You felt a puff of his hot breath against you as he hooked his index finger into the crotch of your knickers, pulling it aside, and then his tongue was on you, lapping up your arousal and coming to rest against your clit. He set up camp there, focusing all his attention on the small nub. You let yourself drop back so you were holding yourself up on one elbow, your other hand on the back of Ben’s head, tugging on his hair as he drew a series of moans from you. With a particularly firm suck, you felt your cunt pulse and something warm and wet ran from you, dripping over the edge of the bench onto the cupboard door. You had an idea what it was so it surprised you when Ben released your clit to lick between your lips, catching it with his tongue and spreading it along your slit. “We taste good together,” he mumbled, going in to trace the same path over again, greedily licking up the mixture. You swore under your breath, feeling yourself right on the edge of your orgasm, unspeakably turned on by Ben lapping up the load he’d just left in you. Sensing how close you were he dragged his tongue over your clit again, quickly sliding two fingers into you to help you along. You whined his name as he pushed you over the edge, continuing to pump his fingers into you as he again sucked at your clit, not stopping until he was sure it had worked. “Thank you,” you said as he straightened up again, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “You’re such a dork,” he laughed as he kissed you again, tracing his tongue over yours. The man clearly wanted you lightheaded from lack of air. “Shut up,” you pushed yourself to sit up straight again, expecting Ben to step away and let you hop down from the bench. He didn’t though, instead absentmindedly toying with the leg of your underwear as his gaze fell to your lips. “Seriously?” Ben shrugged, “Eating you out made me hard again. And,” he quickly ran his fingers along the edge of the bench, collecting some of the mess you’d left there, “I think it’s only fair you should taste us too,” If he’s said it less earnestly you might have batted his hand away and laughed off the suggestion but something about his tone made you grab his wrist to pull his fingers towards your mouth. He hadn’t been wrong, the mix of you both did taste pretty good, though you’d already got a hint of it as he’d kissed you. “Good girl,” he breathed out, eyes heavy with lust, “think you’re up for more?” “Can we move elsewhere? The edge of the counter is digging into me.” “Okay,” Ben began tugging your underwear down and kicked off his own before pulling your shirt over your head, making you laugh. He Helped you stand and then immediately pushed you to the floor. For a moment you thought he was suggesting you give him a blowjob and were about to question him but half a second later he was following you down, laying down and pulling you on top. “I meant like the bed or the couch at least,” you said somewhere between incredulity and amusement. “Too far,” he grunted, bucking his hips to encourage you to mount him properly, “need you now.” You rolled your eyes as you sank down onto his dick, “Do I actually get to cum this time or…?” “Only if you move,” Ben growled as he grasped your hips and pulled you down onto him, making you cry out at the unexpectedly sudden sensation of being filled. He let you ride him for a bit, alternating between squeezing your thigh as he rubbed his thumb over your clit and cupping your breasts, teasing your nipples as he encouraged you to fuck yourself on his cock faster. You kept to the same steady pace though, intending to drag it out a little, make him wait. But it wasn’t long before he got fed up with the deliberately slow pace you’d cultivated. Without warning you found yourself on your back, Ben grasping your thighs as he kneeled over you, pulling your hips up a little so he could fuck you the way he wanted. Your voice shook as you moaned and writhed in his shadow, your own fingers dancing over your clit to keep building your orgasm. “Isn’t that better?” he said roughly, laughing a little as you nodded your agreement, “Making me wish I had cancelled our plans. Could stay in your pussy all day.” You whimpered and rubbed your clit harder. “C’mon Pumpkin, so close aren’t ya,” You squeezed your eyes shut, moaning when you finally tipped over the edge. But that didn’t stop Ben. He waited until your orgasm had subsided and then pushed your legs wide and up into the air so he could lay directly on top of you as he continued to pound you. Your voice shook as a moan was pulled from your throat and you squirmed beneath him, feeling yourself once again being drawn towards release. There was something about his weight pressing down on you, his breath against your ear. Something about how close he seemed, almost panting as his hips stuttered in and out of the rhythm he was desperately trying to hold on to. He mouthed at your neck as you tilted your head to accommodate him, reaching a hand down to squeeze his arse cheek. You were sore from every other way he’d fucked you, tired from the two orgasms he’d already wrung from you, and yet the thought of stopping him, of ending the incredible pleasure you felt at his hands, was the furthest thing from your mind. A scream caught in your throat as he seemed to press you even harder into the floor, your legs shaking in the air as he grit his teeth and grunted with each harsh drive into you. And then he came, gasping against your throat as he felt you cum too, finally releasing the scream you’d been holding onto until the noise turned to breaths so ragged they felt like sobs.

Ben kissed your throat and then your jaw as he came back to earth, still laying on you. “How was that?” he asked softly when you’d remained quiet for a while. You drew in a deep breath, “Pum-Pumpkin?” “What?” “You called me fucking Pumpkin of all things, while trying to get me off?” “So?” “Jesus Ben,” you half-heartedly swatted at his side, “you’re lucky I was so close that it didn’t matter otherwise I might have laughed and completely lost the orgasm.”   Ben joined in your laughter, the sensation of his shaking body on top of yours slightly odd but mostly quite comforting. Until he shifted his hips without thinking and made you wince. “Sorry,” he said, pressing his lips to yours again as if to kiss away the discomfort before he gingerly pulled out of you and sat back on his knees, “But you did cum that time, right?” “I think you know I did,” you sighed, already able to see what was coming, as you let your legs drop to the floor. “So wait, how many times exactly?” You sighed and shook your head slightly. “Because if my maths is right, I think we got you to three times. Once on the bench and twice on the floor. One plus two is three, yes?” “Yes that’s how basic addition works Ben,”  “And who was it again that got you to three orgasms? Was it,” he pointed a finger as his one chest, “Moi?” “Alright asshole, you’re very impressive and a somewhat decent shag,” “I think you could be a little more grateful considering that performance. Might have been my best ever moves,” You pushed Ben in the middle of the chest, exaggeratedly rolling your eyes but, truthfully you were inclined to agree that it had been his best performance yet, at least in your experience. “Here let me help you,” he chuckled as you tried to stand, almost falling over as your legs shook. Quickly, Ben pushed himself to his feet and then offered you a hand up too, wrapping an arm around your waist to keep you steady. “Thanks,” “I hope I haven’t made it too hard for you to walk. Wouldn’t want to throw off your bowling cos you were fucked so right.” “Jesus Christ,” you couldn’t help but laugh.

The rest of the time you had before you had to leave was spent tidying up the kitchen, cleaning up the evidence of the mornings activities in case your roommate got home before you, washing up and getting ready to go. Which is really when things started to go downhill. If you’d realised you might have told yourself to stay home, come up with a quick excuse to get out of it and just played video games with Ben for the rest of the day or something. But there was no way to know what was coming so you didn’t. You talked happily as you got into Ben’s car (which was already parked on the street), excited to see your friends and looking forward to the afternoon.

The double date itself was quite fun, although draining. There was always an element of playing pretend at these sorts of occasions. Not that you minded so much. It was either play up the romance of your relationship or have to explain what you were to everyone and a few hours of pretending Ben was your boyfriend was honestly much simpler. At least bowling was better than the cinema. The first time you’d gone on a double date to a movie you’d sat down beside Ben, the popcorn you were sharing balanced on the arm rest between you. Martin and Jill had raised their armrest and were virtually sitting on top of each other, hands entwined. Which would have been fine except Martin had leaned over and said, “you know these things move” and looked expectantly at you. Ben and you had shared a glance and then tried to say you were both fine with the space but they’d given you matching looks that said they thought you were being weird or prudish or judging their willingness to cuddle in public. So you’d relented and shifted the armrest so you could spend the next two hours sitting with Ben’s arm around your shoulders, both of you more tense about the situation than you ever would have been if you’d just been allowed to sit in your seats like normal. Things had improved a bit since then. Ben had told you that one night when you’d gone out to a bar together, Martin had pulled him aside as asked why he never kissed you properly. Ben had shrugged and said he didn’t like PDAs, that he didn’t want photos to spread or anything like that, especially since it was still so new, and Martin had accepted it. They began to see that your ways of being affectionate were quieter, stealing sips from each other’s drinks, a warm hand against a knee, dumb nicknames that made you both laugh. Even if Jill did sometimes still try to convince you that there was nothing wrong with snogging in the middle of a busy street. Nonetheless you never felt fully able to relax when it was just the four of you. Always conscious of how they saw you, always worried that they’d decide you weren’t being affectionate enough and would tell everyone else you were going through a rough patch which would lead to more scrutiny. While at the same time worrying that one of them would start asking how serious it was between you and Ben, were you thinking about the future? Could you see yourselves moving in together? Was he the one? And it took a lot of energy to constantly be alert about what you were saying, always careful to not accidentally give away the secret truth of the situation. Bowling was fun though and less pressure than other double dates you’d been on. You could get away with not holding hands or sitting on Ben’s lap since everyone was standing up frequently and it didn’t make sense to be on top of one another. You could share small pecks on the lips or else tight hugs to celebrate strikes. And Ben made sure to tease you for missed pins, just like he always had, with a few added silly nicknames. He called you his sweet little hotdog after a particularly bad gutter shot which had made you laugh so hard you choked on your drink, and made Jill give him a disapproving glance. He’d smoothed it over by letting her overhear him saying he loved you, whispering the platonically just for you.

By the time Jill had been declared the winner of the game, you were ready to head home and spend a night forwarding Ben weird videos and dumb memes. Ready to be allowed to just exist without needing to be romantically linked to anyone. But it wasn’t quite to be. Martin made the suggestion that all of you should head to McDonalds for dinner and before you knew it you were standing in line, waiting for the kid at the cash register to serve you. You leaned your head on Ben’s shoulder as you stared at the menu, and vaguely wondered how someone working in a fast food joint could be so bright and bubbly. Right up until Ben nudged you and asked what you wanted. “Um, can I get a quarter pounder and a frozen coke, thanks.” “And?” Ben supplied. “And what?” “Y/N I know you want dessert, get dessert.” “And an Oreo McFlurry,” you smiled and bumped Ben’s shoulder with yours as he laughed and finished paying. “You guy’s make a cute couple,” the girl who’d served you said, eyes following the path of Ben’s gaze to you, still smiling. She seemed to realise what she’d said, her ears turning red, but Ben thanked her and added, “I think I have to agree,” as he squeezed your hip, before moving away so Jill and Martin could order. You’d smiled at her too but it wasn’t quite genuine.

It wasn’t that you weren’t used to it, people assuming you and Ben were in fact a couple. You were. One or two weeks after you’d first agreed to try out being queerplatonic partners, most of your friends had put two and two together and worked out that something was going on between you. Of course they didn’t know you were aromantic and they probably didn’t have any idea what a QPR was so they’d really added two and two and got five but you weren’t about to correct them. As you’d said to Ben, it was too much too soon to do that. Maybe if the QPR thing worked out long term, maybe then you could tell them. And besides, they weren’t exactly wrong anyway. They’d originally assumed you and Ben were just hooking up after Martin had dropped in to pick up something he’d left at Ben’s and had seen you spread out on Ben’s couch with sex hair and a rather large hickey on your neck and Ben’s sweater hanging off your shoulder. He’d asked Ben who’d just shrugged in response and said it wasn’t a big deal. You estimated it took about a minute and a half to reach everyone else. The next time you’d gone out as a group you’d felt them all watching you and Ben closely, trying to determine if Martin with bullshitting them all or not. They’d all decided it was just sex though. Until you were clearly still together a month later and they decided it had to be serious since Ben had never successfully fucked a girl for that long without catching feelings. That was when they started referring to you as boyfriend and girlfriend. That was also when the comments about how cute you were or how they’d always known you’d get together had first started. The first few times you’d heard it, it felt weird but you figured that was just because it was you and Ben and you were still working out how to be partners without the romance. You’d been in relationships before though and didn’t have any major objections to anything they said so you found it fairly easy to deal with and mostly you didn’t notice it anymore.

Except now it was bothering you. Something about the girl’s comment had rubbed you the wrong way. Which made you feel bad because she was just a kid with a shitty minimum wage job who didn’t know you from Adam. She had no idea. She was just trying to say something nice to a couple of strangers. You supposed your dislike of the comment probably had something to do with spending all afternoon putting on the romantic act for the benefit of your friends. Maybe even something about the sex from earlier. Probably just exhaustion from everything, a shorter fuse. It could even just be PMS though you’d have to check how far off your next period was to be sure. Whatever the reason it felt…not wrong exactly just off. You stayed quiet during most of the meal, aware you weren’t being great company and aware that Ben had realised something was wrong since he kept glancing at you when the other two weren’t looking. “Y/N,” Jill’s voice cut through your thoughts, “Still with us?” “Yeah,” you said, pulling a smile onto your face, “sorry, just a bit tired. Didn’t sleep well last night,” That statement was met by high pitched oohing noises and Martin jokily reprimanding Ben for keeping you up. You forced yourself to laugh with them, “Not like that you pervs. Ben was filming a night scene yesterday so didn’t actually get to mine until what,” you looked to Ben for confirmation, “One-thirty was it?” “Something like that. I don’t know I fell asleep almost as soon as I put my head down.” “Me, not so much,” you shrugged, “It’s all just catching up with me now.” They accepted that excuse without question and didn’t aim too many more comments in your direction, letting you finish your food without having to keep your mind on their conversation. And pretty soon you were hugging them goodbye and promising you’d organise the next date as Martin told Ben to get you home to bed before you fell asleep in your ice cream.

Ben waited until you were safely back inside your apartment before he asked if you were okay. “We were meant to get milk,” you sighed, trying to push away the annoyingly persistent discomfort. “I’ll go out later and get some. Or we can get Sophie to bring some back when she comes home. Are you okay though?” Unsure if this was a situation where you’d want space, Ben hovered at a respectful distance until you stepped in close and leaned your head against his chest. As soon as he knew you wanted him there he wrapped his arms tightly around you, “What’s wrong?” “Not sure. Think it all just got a bit much.” “How do you mean?” You shrugged as much as his embrace would allow and talked against his chest as you tried your best to explain how flat you felt, “I think the girl who served us was just like the straw that broke the camel’s back, y’know.” “Did me agreeing with her make things worse?” You shook your head, “Don’t think so. I knew you meant it in a different way to her. Besides, the other two were in earshot so there wasn’t much else you could say.” “You know that what everyone else thinks of us doesn’t change anything about what we have, right, or what we mean to each other. It doesn’t change who you are.” You didn’t mean to say it but the words had escaped before you could stop them, “Wouldn’t it be easier if it did though.” “But then you wouldn’t be you and I love you, platonically.” You smiled and nodded as you stepped back a little, though Ben’s arms wouldn’t let you go too far, “I know, thank you. And I’m fine, just having a bit of an off afternoon.” “Are you sure? Is there anything else I can do to help?” “No, you’ve been perfect.” You leaned up to give him a quick kiss, “And I know I’m being stupid about it. I knew what I was signing up for when I decided not to come out to them. Besides, being back home with you has definitely made me feel better already.” “Do you want a cuppa or anything?” “Nah, think I might just go lie down and read for bit. Decompress a little, y’know.” “Okay. Give me a shout if you want anything, yeah,” he pressed a kiss to your temple and give you an extra squeeze before he let you go.

Slowly you headed to your bedroom, kneeling down at your bookshelf and running your fingers along the spines until you found the one you wanted. That particular book had seen better days. It’s spine was cracked, the image on the cover peeling away from the cardboard underneath. More than one page had begun to fray around the edges like an ancient treasure map in a cartoon, with little triangles missing and the corners permanently creased where they’d been dog eared a hundred times. But as you settled into the bed, Ben’s pillow still smelling faintly of his hair pomade, you began to feel more yourself. Ben was right. What other people thought of your relationship didn’t matter. He was still your Ben, the same Ben who’s hoodie had been living in your cupboard for years now because he spent so much time at yours anyway it just made sense to keep a spare there. The same Ben who’d bought you your favourite pair of sunglasses when you’d left your old ones at home by accident. The same Ben who’d gradually been reading his way through your entire bookshelf rather than buying his own paperbacks. You had too much history there and too much love for each other for anyone else’s opinions to matter. And your partnership was good. It made you happy so it had to be good.

The time passed quickly as you read so when you looked up at the sound of approaching footsteps and saw that a couple of hours had passed, you were a little taken aback. Ben poked his head round the corner and then stepped through the doorway when he saw you looked better. “Nice to see you smiling again,” he said softly as he crawled up beside you. Without thinking you lifted your arm so he could snuggle against you, his head on your chest. “What’re you reading?” “First Test by Tamora Pierce. First book in her Protector of the Small series.” “What’s it about?” “A girl training to become a knight. Gran bought it for me as a kid while we were on a holiday at the seaside.” Ben glanced at the worn pages, “Do you reread it a lot?” “Yeah a bit. The main character, Kel, is like the only aromantic character I know of so she’s kinda important to me.” “The main character’s aro?” “I mean, not explicitly. It was published in ’99 and the terminology to describe aro experiences didn’t really start being used until like the late 2000s and even then only in certain communities online. But Tamora Pierce did answer some questions on her website and said that as she was writing the series Kel became less and less interested in romance and sex so even though she didn’t have the words for it back then, she would consider Kel aro and probably ace too. And I mean, rereading them I definitely feel an aro sort of reaction to a lot of the romance stuff, even when Kel does start kissing boys and all that.” Ben leaned back to better see your face, “Will you read to me?” You leaned down to kiss him, unhurriedly, softly, letting your lips linger on his. “Is that a yes?” “That was a sorry I’ve been weird this evening kiss actually.” “Don’t worry about it,” he said simply, snuggling back down, his head once again resting on your chest and his arm thrown over your waist. You adjusted your grip on the book and began to read from where you’d left off, one hand running absentmindedly through his hair, both of you sighing softly as you relaxed into each other.

[icaruspendragon]

Hey friends! After months of therapy/new meds, I’ve finally found the motivation and inspiration to not only start reading again, but start writing! I’m pretty excited, so here’s a snippet of my newest project.

Not a lot of her stuff had made it with her from California to New York. But that was okay she kept telling herself. A fresh start and whatnot. No one knows her here. No one knows what happened to her. She can just go to class and go home and focus on graduating and getting a job and maybe moving out of the country. Maybe to Italy or to Greece or England. That was her plan at least. And everyone knew that Annabeth was big on plans. Naturally, this plan seemed to go awry almost instantly while she was trying to move into her brand new one bedroom apartment. She had thought about trying to find a roommate, but the thought of being in close quarters with a stranger made her chest feel tight and her palms sweaty, so she had decided that this would be a solo adventure.

She had told her dad and stepmom over and over again that she could make the move by herself, that she wouldn’t need them to help her move, they didn’t need to spend the money to travel and to take time off of work and who would watch her brothers? Even though she didn’t have that much stuff she was starting to get overwhelmed at the boxes the movers were bringing up in what seemed like an endless stream and setting just inside her front door. The apartment had come pre-furnished, so that was good at least. She didn’t think that she would have been able to bring most of that stuff with her, anyway. She had been sleeping on her couch for months and didn’t think she’d be able to keep that up for much longer. She was trying to make a mental list of everything that she would need to go out and get tonight. New pillows, blankets, sheets, curtains, etc. She would need to find a place to get that stuff, hopefully somewhere that also sold groceries. She didn’t want to have to spend all day running around a new city and trying to unpack and trying to keep herself from having a panic attack.

She was trying to keep her mental list running and keep an eye on the movers and keep inventory of what was in the boxes and what she would need to unpack first and where they were putting the boxes that she would need to unpack first while standing out in her new hallway, trying to stay out of the movers way when she heard laughter. She looked over and saw two girls. One tall with olive skin and dark choppy hair and the other a whole head shorter with wild curls and tawny skin, both chatting animatedly about something. Annabeth was trying to tune them out and hoping that they wouldn’t notice her, and if they did, that they would just keep on walking. She wasn’t in the mood to be social. She hadn’t been in the mood to be social in quite some time. She wasn’t sure she remembered how to be social anymore.

“Hi! Are you moving in?” The shorter one asked. Of course they noticed her and of course they stopped. Annabeth swallowed and turned to face her, trying her hardest to plaster what she hoped was the approximation of a friendly smile on her face.

“Yeah.” She responded, hoping that the conversation would stop there.

“Oh, cool!” The girl responded. “Looks like we’re going to be neighbors. I’m Hazel, this is Piper, my roommate.” Hazel, apparently, gestured towards the girl standing next to her.

“Annabeth.” She introduces, nodding at them, hoping no one wants to shake hands.

“Nice to meet you.” Piper offers, a small smile on her face.

“Likewise.” Annabeth responds even though she doesn’t feel the same. Now that they’re closer she can see just how beautiful the two girls are and sense the ease with which they’re navigating this new situation. Annabeth feels a pang of jealousy. It doesn’t matter, she tells herself. She’s just here to go to class and get out of her. Not to make friends.

“What’s your roommate’s name?” Piper asks, one beautifully sculpted eyebrow raised.

“Oh, it’s uh, it’s just me.” Annabeth tells them, resisting the urge to avert her eyes to the floor. She knows deep down that these girls are just trying to be nice and warm and welcoming and whatever, but she really doesn’t want the reminder of just how alone she is. Not right now. Not right here.

“Where’d you move from?” Hazel asks, eyes following the mover bringing more boxes in.

“San Francisco.” Annabeth tells her, trying her hardest not to be short with this girl who is trying her hardest to be nice to a stranger, it’s not Hazel’s fault that Annabeth’s stomach drops at the mention of it.

“That’s cool. I’m from Malibu. Are you here for school?” This time it’s Piper who speaks.

“Yeah.” Annabeth responds. She knows that she should be giving them more than one word responses, but she wants nothing more than to hide in her new apartment and not come out for the rest of the night. She didn’t think that interacting with other people would have this kind of toll on her.

“I’m from New Orleans, so Piper and I both know what it’s like to be far from home.” Hazel tells her sympathetically. Annabeth offers her a tightlipped smile in return.

“Pipes, are the boys doing anything tonight?” Hazel asks, turning to her roommate.

“Are they ever doing anything?” Piper responds, laughing.

“Be right back.” Hazel tells her and then sets off down the hall.

They both watch her walk down a few doors, stop at one, and then enter without knocking.

Annabeth finds herself looking at the floor, trying not to feel too awkward in the silence and trying not to get overwhelmed. She’s never been that great at small talk and she hadn’t really planned for all of this to happen. She’d been going and going since yesterday, thinking about the next task ahead, not stopping to think about anything else. If she starts to think about literally everything else going on she’ll start to spiral.

Piper speaks up before Annabeth can get too in her head, “What are you studying?”

“Architecture.” She responds and then a moment passes before Annabeth remembers that it’s the polite thing to do to ask Piper the same. “What about you?”

“Communication and environmental studies.” She tells her.

“Interesting combination.” Annabeth responds, because she really thinks that it is but then she’s afraid that it came out snarky and even though she doesn’t want to be in this situation, she doesn’t want to be seen as rude.

“Oh yeah,” Piper tells her, smiling, “I couldn’t make up my mind and I wanted to do something that would end up helping people one way or the other so I decided to do both.”

Annabeth just nods because she can’t think of a way to respond. She’s saved from having to try and come up with something else to talk about or standing in awkward silence when she hears a door open and sees Hazel come out with four boys in tow.

“Ah. Reinforcements” Piper says but Annabeth has no idea what that means and the prospect of meeting even more strangers makes her want to vomit.

“What?” She asks, but before Piper can answer her, Hazel is calling down the hall.

“Annabeth, this is Jason, Leo, and Frank. Boys, this is our new neighbor, Annabeth.” Hazel states, pointing at each boy is turn. Jason is tall and stocky, Leo is wiry and thin, Frank is just big.

She is assaulted by a chorus of hellos and heys and smiles from all directions. Annabeth has no idea why her new neighbor has brought out what seems like half the building, but she really doesn’t want to stay to find out. Thankfully, one of the movers calls her over to inform her that all of her boxes are now in her apartment. She signs a sheet of paper and thanks the man for his work. She turns back around and sees five pairs of eyes on her.

“Did they bring everything up?” Hazel asks her.

“Uh, yeah.” Annabeth responds, wondering why they’re all still standing there. She really just wants to get inside and sit in silence for a few minutes before getting to work on her next plan.

“Where’s Percy?” Piper asks, turning to the boys.

“He’s at his mom’s watching Estelle.” One of the boys, Jason, tells Piper.

“Well then, I guess he’s excused.” Piper says.

Annabeth notices the playful banter between the two, between all of them, really. The ease with which they are all interacting. She’s never had a big group of friends like what they have. It had always been just her and Thalia. And she had always thought that she was okay with that, but now she and Thalia were separated by thousands of miles and one impenetrable secret, as she observes the five strangers in front of her, she feels the snarls of jealousy growing in the pit of her chest again.

“Percy can make it up to us later, we need to get started.” Hazel tells the group.

“Started?” Annabeth asks.

“Yeah. We’re gonna help you unpack. It’ll take you forever by yourself!” Hazel responds, the excitement in her voice palpable.

Panic instantly rushes through her veins. This was not on the list of things that could potentially happen today. Annabeth didn’t have a plan for this. She had one for if her stuff got lost, if the movers were late, if all of her stuff arrived broken, she even had a plan for if something happened at the leasing office and she wasn’t able to pick up her keys for her apartment. She had made zero plans that factored in overly polite neighbors and their squadron of male helpers.

“Oh, you really, I mean, it’s fine. You don’t need to. I can, I can handle this.” Annabeth tells her, floundering. Trying to find a way out of this.

“Don’t be ridiculous.” Hazel responds. “I saw how much stuff they were bringing up, and it’s already pretty late in the day, between the six of us, we’ll all be able to get it knocked out in no time.” And dammit, she’s still smiling. Annabeth doesn’t think she’ll be able to get out of this one. Not without being considered a huge bitch. And she knows that she should be grateful, she really does, and she’s trying very hard to be, to be grateful and thankful and a whole host of other nice feelings and words that these five perfect strangers would be so willing to give up their evening to help one imperfect stranger unpack the boxes that have weighed her down all across the country. She is trying very hard.

“It’s really no big deal. I had planned on doing it all by myself, anyway.” Annabeth tells them.

“Well, now you can plan on having some help.” Piper tells her, gentle smile resting on the corner of her mouth. “You can try and fight Hazel all you want, but once she makes her mind up about something, it gets done.”

The big guy, Frank, laughs and Hazel shoots him a look.

“What?” He says, raising his hands in defense, “You and everyone else knows that Piper is right.”

“Whatever.” Hazel responds, rolling her eyes, but there’s no malice in the word or the gesture.

“Welcome to the building, Annabeth.” Leo tells her as he opens her door and just walks into her apartment.

[refinedbuffoonery]

Flawless (2)

masterlist.

Content Warning: swearing, violence, sex, PTSD

I’m really proud of this chapter. It’s some of my best work, maybe ever. Also, in case you missed, this fic will be updated every Sunday, so check back in next weekend for chapter three! 

*****

“So,” Riley began as she dropped her arm-load of overflowing paper grocery bags on her slate gray granite kitchen counter. Mercifully, the feds hadn’t connected Riley to any of her aliases after her arrest, so her overpriced Santa Monica penthouse apartment was exactly as she left it. 

Well, not exactly the same. After Riley’s arrest, Nikki had thrown out all her food and hung up the laundry Riley had left in a pile on her bedroom floor. She’d also paid Riley’s bills, which led to a whole argument in the grocery store that Riley knew they’d be rehashing later. 

“If Leanna’s out, then we need a new member,” Riley said. “Otherwise we’ll have to rename the team ‘Four Eyes,’ and I’m not about to do that.” 

Nikki snickered, haphazardly unloading groceries into the fridge. “Why not? You’re a nerd. It’s fitting.” 

“Bold words for the only one of us who wears glasses.” 

“They’re blue light glasses, you asshole. My vision is just fine.” 

Riley gave her a shit-eating grin. Whatever you say. 

Putting the groceries away took forever; Riley bought way more food than any one person needed. She couldn’t wipe Nikki’s disapproving face from her mind—the one that accompanied comments about Riley being too skinny. Nikki was just looking out for her, she knew, but that didn’t make Riley hate the scrutiny any less. 

Pushing the thought to the back of her mind, Riley asked, “Do you have anyone in mind?” To replace Leanna, she didn’t need to say. Nikki chewed her lower lip nervously. “Who is it, Nik?” 

“It’s a long shot, but this girl I work with. Jill Morgan.” 

Riley frowned. “We don’t need a third techie.” 

“She’s not that.” Riley raised an eyebrow. “I mean, she is, but Jill is nothing compared to you or me,” Nikki quickly corrected. “Before she got the IT job, Jill worked for LAPD as a forensic analyst.” 

“I’m listening.” 

“Apparently she is one of the best in all of SoCal, but LAPD fired her after someone caught her using evidence from a closed case to conduct research for the crime novel she’s writing. No police department would touch her after that, so she managed to swing the IT job in the most bullshit interview I’ve ever sat in on.” Nikki crossed her arms. “Jill obviously didn’t know how to do half the things she said she did, but she managed to convince our boss otherwise.” 

“And let me guess.” Riley leaned on the counter. “You were so impressed with her ability to lie that you took her under your wing and taught her everything you know.” 

Nikki grimaced. “Yeah.” 

Barely stifling a snort, Riley said, “You never could resist a liar.” A low blow, considering the fate of her most recent relationship, but Nikki laughed it off. 

“Want to meet her?” 

Riley wasn’t sure this Jill girl would fill Leanna’s shoes, but if Nikki thought she had potential, then Riley had to give her the benefit of the doubt. For now, at least. 

“Sure. I just have something I need to do first.” 

*****

To his credit, the man standing before her wasn’t a coward, but Riley didn’t miss the slight tremor in his voice or the way he flinched every time she moved. He was short—she had a couple inches on him in her high-heeled boots—and dressed like a Hollywood film industry wannabe. Judging by the film equipment stashed in the adjacent living room, he was one. 

“Remind me of your name again,” Riley purred, leaning against the kitchen counter. Cleaning non-existent dirt from under her nails with a butcher knife, she looked like a female James Bond villain, with her sleek high-ponytail and dressed in black leather leggings and a tight, black tank top. 

The man had been busy cooking dinner when she’d broken into the house, and Riley delighted in the way he cowered against the sink, brandishing a vegetable peeler as if he thought he could actually land a hit on her. 

The old Riley would’ve worried about the man trying to attack her in some shoddy attempt at self-defense. The new Riley simply gave him an icy, feline smile to remind him of his place. 

Maybe prison had been good for something after all. 

She kept toying with the man, knowing full well what his name was. “Brian?” she mused. “Boxer?” 

“Bozer,” the man said through gritted teeth. He had a white-knuckled grip on the sink’s edge, and Riley did her best not to sneer at the alcohol label stickers covering the stainless steel—perhaps the only decor choice trashier than the empty bottles lining the windowsill like a frat house. How Leanna could stand to date a man whose house looked like he majored in partying was beyond Riley. She certainly wouldn’t. 

“Right,” she said. 

Riley hadn’t expected Leanna to still live in LA after remaking her identity, and she was correct. According to her classified CIA file, Leanna had a nice apartment in Virginia, with a short twenty minute commute to Langley every day. Imagine Riley’s surprise when the file also disclosed Leanna had a long-distance boyfriend, right here in LA. 

What Riley still didn’t understand was how a millennial could afford a house in the Hollywood Hills, but that was beside the point. 

A little more digging through the CIA’s heavily encrypted files revealed orders sending Leanna to the City of Angels for two weeks to assist another agency. The orders failed to mention which one. 

So, Riley waited for her friend, terrifying her clueless boyfriend to pass the time. 

“What are you making?” 

Bozer glared at her, pressing his full lips together. He was attractive enough, although he wasn’t Riley’s type. He seemed a little too domestic for her taste. 

She chastised, “There’s no need to look at me like that, Bozer. I don’t bite.” 

“Says the woman holding a freshly-sharpened knife.” 

Riley examined the blade, gently brushing her thumb over it to confirm Bozer’s statement. “A sharp knife is a good thing, actually. Sharp knives make clean cuts.” Bozer’s throat bobbed under the intensity of her gaze. “It’s the dull ones you have to worry about.” 

Before she could torment him any more, Riley heard the unmistakable sound of tumblers rolling over and the front door opening. A familiar voice called out, “Baby, I’m home!” Riley set the knife down and turned to greet her friend. 

She noticed the physical changes immediately. Leanna’s hair was a lighter shade of brown than before. She had bangs now. Her posture was stiffer, more uptight, and Riley could just see hints of well-defined muscle beneath her friend’s navy pantsuit. 

Upon seeing Riley, Leanna stopped dead in her tracks, eyes blown wide in surprise. “What are you doing here?” It sounded more like a threat than a question. 

“No ‘Hi’? ‘How are you?’ ‘I missed you’?” Riley placed her hand on her chest in mock offense. 

“You—” Leanna started. Her eyes flicked to her boyfriend, then back to Riley. He doesn’t know anything, the look said. “Let’s talk outside.” Without another word, Leanna gripped Riley’s elbow and led her through the back door. 

The balmy night air smelled like jasmine and rotted oranges, and crickets harmonized above the distant hum of freeway traffic. Instead of having a backyard, a multi-level wooden deck spanned the entire backside of the house. Beyond the deck lay a wall of bushes and a sweeping view of downtown. Again, Riley thought there was no way a millennial could afford a house like this. Unless...was there more to Leanna’s boyfriend than met the eye? 

“I know what you’re thinking,” Leanna said, leaning on the railing. Riley tried to catch her gaze to no avail. Leanna’s eyes were firmly on the city lights to the south. “Bozer is a normal guy. Harmless. The house belongs to his roommate, and the mortgage was paid off long ago when his roommate’s grandpa lived in it.” 

The lingering hope that Leanna might not be as clean as Nikki suggested dwindled by the minute. Riley gave up on trying to meet her eye. 

“How long have you been out?” 

“Two days.” 

“That’s...good.” 

Riley hated how awkward this was. Once, Leanna had been her closest confidant. Now she couldn’t feel farther away. 

“Did you enjoy terrorizing my boyfriend?” Leanna asked, mercifully lightening the mood. A small smile curved Riley’s lips. 

“I started cleaning my nails with a knife so I’d look more intimidating, and he nearly shit his pants.” 

Genuine laughter bubbled from Leanna’s throat. It was infectious, and within seconds Riley giggled too. It was almost enough to make her forget why she was here in the first place. 

Almost. 

Riley decided to just bite the bullet and get it over with. She spoke in a low, tentative voice. “Why’d you leave, Leanna?” Riley watched Leanna’s chest expand and collapse as she sighed deeply. She waited, giving Leanna time to think through her answer. 

After a long pause, her friend finally said, “You, actually.” 

“Me?” 

“Watching that was one of the worst moments of my life.” Leanna kept her wording vague, in case her boyfriend was listening, but Riley didn’t need to ask what the ‘that’ referred to. That haunted Riley’s every waking moment for the last two years. “I realized I couldn’t do it anymore. Not when that was the cost.” 

Riley furrowed her brow, not quite believing. “And yet your current job is better?” 

Leanna laughed bitterly. “You got me there.” She ducked her head. “In all honesty though, it is different. I’m not close to my coworkers like I was to you.” 

Was. Past tense. Riley frowned at the implications of that. 

“You could come back, you know.” 

Leanna scoffed. “Let me guess, Nikki found someone to replace me because you cooked up a new job, and now you’re here to drag me back just so you don’t have to deal with a weak link. Sound about right?” Riley pressed her lips into a thin line, refusing to dignify that with a response. “I’m done with that part of my life, Riley. And you should be too.” 

“Agree to disagree.” Just like that, the last flickering bit of hope inside Riley was extinguished. “It was nice to see you again, Leanna,” she said softly. “I’ll show myself out.” 

She made it as far as the stairs leading down into the house when Leanna called out, “Where?” 

Riley offered her friend a sad smile. “Paris. Just like we always talked about.”

*****

The next day, Riley met Nikki and their new recruit for lunch at one of the sketchiest taco shops LA had to offer. They were already there when Riley arrived, standing in line to order and looking incredibly out of place in their nice business clothes. Nikki and the new girl were about the same height, and both wore their blonde hair in loose waves, but the new girl had wider hips and her shoulders caved in slightly, as if she were trying to make herself smaller. 

Riley silently walked up behind them, grinning. “How’s it going?” The new girl jumped, glasses sliding down her nose. Nikki smirked, unfazed. 

In fact, she didn’t even bother taking her eyes off the ridiculously extensive menu as she chastised, “Play nice, Riles.” 

Even though Nikki couldn’t see her, Riley rolled her eyes anyway. “You’re no fun.” 

The new girl watched Riley with apprehension. Jill. Her name was Jill. 

Riley extended a hand. “I’m Riley.” 

“Jill,” she squeaked. Her grip was feather-light as they shook hands. She’s shy, Riley noted. Shy wasn’t a good trait in a criminal. 

Neither was jumping to conclusions, however. Riley had promised to give Jill a fair shot, and that meant taking time to get to know her. 

Riley let the blondes go first before ordering a California burrito for herself. There were only two booths—every good taco place was the size of a broom closet, after all—and Nikki led them to the one further from the entrance. She and Jill sat on one side, while Riley slid into the other, her back to the door. Riley couldn’t remember a time she and Nikki didn’t do that—sitting on opposite sides of the table, one facing each exit, just in case. 

She doubted anyone would come after them in a dingy taco shop, but slipping into old habits brought a calming sense of normalcy Riley loathed to admit she needed. 

“So,” Riley addressed Jill directly. “Did Nikki fill you in on what we do?” 

“A bit, yes.” Jill’s eyes flicked around the room warily. Riley wished Leanna or Cage were there to psychoanalyze her. Jill was clearly nervous, but she didn’t seem afraid. Confidence Riley could teach. What Jill needed to prove was that she could hold her own against some of the biggest egos in the Western Hemisphere. 

Present company definitely included. 

“Good,” Riley said. “I want to be very clear on something. We are not Robin Hood. We do it for the adrenaline and the money.” Riley’s gaze flicked to the thousand-dollar watch on Nikki’s left wrist. “Although, none of us need the money anymore.” 

“Then why don’t you get your adrenaline fix somewhere else?” Jill questioned bravely. “Maybe pick up skydiving.” There it was—the spark Riley was looking for. 

“We all have our own deeper, more personal reasons. But me?” Riley leaned closer. “I do it just to see if I can.” 

“One day, you’re going to be caught. You know that right?” 

Riley’s stomach dropped. It seemed Nikki had left out some key information. Riley forced herself to grin as she said, “Maybe, but that day isn’t today.” The cashier called out their order number, and Riley retrieved their food before launching into her interrogation. “What I need to know now is what you can do for me.” She consumed her burrito in classless, ravenous bites, uncaring what Jill thought of her table manners. Each bite tasted like heaven. 

Jill’s eyebrow twitched, that spark flaring up again. “How would you like to never leave a fingerprint ever again?” She casually bit into her taco. 

“And how would I do that?” Riley probed. Nikki’s attention flicked between the two, observing, listening. 

Not even bothering to swallow her food first, Jill said, “I’ve met plenty of your type before—” Riley took note of her careful use of innuendo— “and I’m not dumb enough to give away that kind of information for free. If you want it that badly, you’ll pay me.” 

Riley pocketed that key detail for later. “Out of curiosity, what would you use the money for?” 

“Paying off my student loans.” 

Riley nodded. She’d never gone to college, but she had the utmost respect for anyone who drowned themselves in debt for the sake of an education. In addition to that, Jill was smart, not easily swindled, and responsible—all traits Riley was looking for. 

The bell tied to the restaurant door jingled when it opened, letting in a hot gust of summer air. Two men entered; one was about Riley’s age, with blonde surfer hair. The other was older—fifty maybe—and he scanned the room the same way she’d seen Desi do a million times, but it was the blonde one Riley focused on as he froze, eyes locking on the women. 

More specifically, on Nikki. 

“Time to go,” Nikki warned. She shoved Jill out of her seat and dragged her toward the back door. In their haste, Nikki and Jill left their remaining tacos on the table, but Riley clutched her half-eaten burrito as she ran after them. 

For the moment, Riley didn’t care who these men were. All she cared about was getting them off her tail. 

She paid no mind to the cook shouting as she hauled ass through the kitchen. Riley spied an apron hanging off a doorknob, and an idea clicked into place. She grabbed it, turned on the gas stove, and held the fabric in the flames until it ignited. The blonde man skidded around the corner. Riley threw the flaming apron, and her feet carried her away before it even hit him. 

Nikki and Jill were already out the back door and waiting in the alley when Riley caught up. 

“You two didn’t happen to drive here, did you?” Nikki and Jill shook their heads. 

Jill asked, “Did you?” 

Riley shot Nikki a glare that could’ve curdled milk. “I would’ve, if someone hadn’t put my car in storage and then been too lazy to get it back. But noooooooooo, I had to take an Uber.” 

“Shut up,” Nikki growled at the same time Jill questioned, “Storage?” 

Ignoring Jill’s glaring lack of information, Riley grimaced. “Then I guess we’re running.” She took off down the alley, Nikki and Jill at her heels. Over her shoulder, Riley said, “I really hope I’m wrong here, but was that who I think it was?” 

Nikki groaned. “Unfortunately.” 

“Is someone going to fill me in?” 

“My ex.” 

“Oh.” 

Before they even reached the main street, both Riley and Nikki had broken a sweat, but Jill kept pace alongside them like it was nothing—wearing stilettos, no less. 

Perhaps Riley had underestimated Jill. 

Shouting erupted behind them. The men were closing the distance between them, despite the blonde one being too busy fiddling with something in his hands to watch where he was going. The three women ran faster. 

“What the hell is he doing?” Riley hissed. 

“You know how we hack computers? He hacks everything else.” 

A bullet pinged off the alley wall. “Perfect.” 

The main street wasn’t as crowded as Riley had hoped. There was far too little coverage to hide from...whatever these men were. Nikki had some explaining to do when they got home. 

They ran one block before another alley divided the storefronts. First glancing over her shoulder to ensure the men hadn’t turned the corner on the main road yet, Riley pulled her companions into the alley. It was empty aside from a large, faded black dumpster. Riley’s stomach churned at what she was about to suggest, but now was not the time to be picky about solutions. 

“In the dumpster,” she ordered. “Now.” 

Nikki and Jill made pained faces, but neither argued. They tossed Jill in first, then Riley gave Nikki a boost. Yanking her phone from her back pocket, Riley quickly opened a FaceTime call with Nikki and hid her phone beneath the dumpster before climbing inside and closing the lid over their heads. 

The women waited in silence. 

The smell was nauseating, and trash bags squished under Riley’s combat boots. Her boots were going directly in the trash when she got home, favorite pair be damned. She might very well toss her cutoff jean shorts and tank top too. Any article of clothing that touched garbage fluid was not going on her body ever again. 

Nikki dutifully studied their makeshift security camera feed. The dumpster muffled outside sounds too much for Riley to listen for the heavy footsteps of their pursuers. Jill mercifully knew to refrain from making any sort of noise. At least she won’t get us killed, Riley thought. 

When Nikki finally signaled that the coast was clear, Riley breathed a deep sigh of relief she immediately regretted. Gagging, she desperately shoved the dumpster lid open and clawed her way to fresh air, doing her best not to vomit. She’d already sacrificed the uneaten half of her burrito to the dumpster. Riley wasn’t about to give up the half she’d already swallowed too. 

Nikki wasn’t so lucky. 

Jill held back her coworker’s hair, rubbing her back in smooth circles. She didn’t seem affected by the smell at all. When she noticed Riley starting, Jill explained, “I’ve dug through dumpsters filled with half-decomposed bodies. A plain old trash dumpster is nothing.” 

Riley could only nod and offer her a queasy half-smile. 

Retrieving her phone, she called Desi and begged the woman to pick them up, conveniently leaving out the part about the dumpster. When she was done, Riley turned to Jill. “I want you on my team. Take the rest of the day off from work and think about my offer. There’s a team meeting at my apartment tonight. If you’re in, have Nikki pick you up on her way. The choice is yours.”

[petri808]

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30-Epilogue

Lucy POV. TW: Panic Attack, Mental trauma/coping, PTSD

The university and Lucy’s professors had been really wonderful about everything, even offering to convert her classes to an online option so she could continue. She wasn’t happy about the idea of taking a sabbatical from college, but there was no way she could manage. Not only was it difficult for her to leave the apartment because seeing anyone that remotely resembled Touka sent her into a panic attack, focusing on anything at all was a struggle. Night after night it haunted her dreams and spilled into her waking moments. She’d run scenarios through her mind, all the what if’s, should haves, could haves, often leading to horrifying outcomes. They’d survived, yes, but at what cost?

She didn’t feel the same anymore as if a part of her did die in that apartment or fled to a hidden part of her brain too scared to come back out. The once happy, positive person had become a nervous wreck unable to control her emotions or outbursts. Lucy’s bedroom became her safe zone from everyone, even those closest to her, ashamed and insecure of their judgement. In her heart she knew friends like Levy or Natsu wouldn’t judge... but tell that to her broken mind, because her brain was the one in control at the moment, and insisted they’d look down on her.

All the irrational thoughts. It was her fault for not being careful, her fault she was kidnapped. Lucy knew Touka was growing dangerous, yet walking alone, at night... utterly stupid. She should have been overzealous at protecting herself, but oh no, stupid girl didn’t want to believe anything would actually happen. Until it did. And now she was even more pathetic and weak for not getting a hold of her emotions, for not controlling it instead of it controlling her. The danger had passed. They were alive. Touka was in jail. It should be over, but it wasn’t. Lucy couldn’t move past that night, stuck in an endless loop of fear. So many nights she’d wake up in a panic covered in sweat, the fading images of red... blood... like dripping down a tv screen in a horror movie. It was Natsu’s blood she saw and his screams when the knife had sliced him open.

The first week after the event had been difficult, sitting through an interview with Gajeel, and reliving all the mental wounds. It took several hours to get through it all despite the man doing his best to go easy on her. Each time painful parts came up, Lucy felt the anxieties rise, the mental blurring, the shaking, literally a physical shaking of her body in an effort to dispel the rise of adrenaline coursing through her veins. Interviews are best done without any other potential witnesses in the room to avoid cross contamination, but after Lucy’s first two attempts to talk to investigators failed, Gajeel was forced to allow Natsu in with explicit instructions to sit quietly and say nothing while the woman talked. Of course, Natsu’d been fine with that, he’d do anything to help, even if it was just holding Lucy’s hand. But it only added to her embarrassment. Surely Natsu will eventually tire of having an unstable girlfriend.

Then there was the therapist Levy helped Lucy to find which she hoped would help her to quickly get over the events and move on. So, when the woman explained that such traumas take patience and time to process, Lucy was devastated. It almost felt like nothing was going her way anymore, falling dominoes with no end in sight. She felt so ashamed for having to see the woman in the first place, and now she’s told it would be a long journey towards recovery. Just great! What’s next?!

“Lu?” Levy knocked before opening the bedroom door. “Are you gonna eat your dinner in here again? It’s ready.”

With the curtains drawn, Lucy’s room was dark and the only light available was a small desk lamp next to the bed set to a low setting. She peeked out from under her blanket. “I-I’ll come out in a minute, thanks Lev.”

As soon as her friend closed the door, Lucy exhaled in relief. She knew Levy was worried about the amount of time she stayed holed up in the room, so to dispel some of those concerns, Lucy would join her roommate for meals. She quickly applied a gauze wrap, threw on her long sleeve hoodie, and left the room. It made her feel safer to be shrouded and covered up, so gone were her skirts and tank tops, and hello to long sleeves and pants. If she could cover her face from the world, it would make her happy. Even her overall hygiene suffered. Lucy would forget to bathe or wash her hair for days on end, and it took Levy or Natsu with gentle prodding to get her to do it. She would wear the same clothes for a week if it wasn’t for Levy who made sure she changed at least every couple of days. Hell, she’d starve if her roommate wasn’t feeding her. This was a frustrating cycle, not having the mental energy to take care of herself, then feeling bad because they had to help her with things, which made her feel even worse.

It tore at Lucy’s heart to watch Natsu going through this process with her. She knew he was going through his own struggles, not just mental, but physically healing from his wounds. And here she was, the basket case of instability. Bless him, he never gave up no matter how distant she grew, but after that night, Lucy really didn’t want to talk about anything out loud, not that night, and certainly not the true extent of her pain from it. Both Levy and Natsu knew only what she couldn’t hide from them. Like the panic attacks, and since she really didn’t want them to see her go through one or what she’d resorted to, to calm herself, so the safest solution was stay quiet and not trigger them in their presence.

To show his dedication, Natsu even went with her to her therapy sessions and waited outside the office. Lucy knew it was costing him money to do this, because she couldn’t ride a train which meant cab rides every single trip. It bothered her a lot, but she did her best to hide it, and besides there was one small measure of security in having him at her side when she needed to venture out into the public.

“So, the nightmares are still a problem?” the therapist questioned Lucy. “Are you sure you don’t want to try a medication? It would help to ease them until we can get things under control.”

Lucy gripped to the hem of her sweater. “I just don’t wanna become addicted to that stuff...”

“That’s understandable. But not all are addictive, and I’ll be here to make sure it doesn’t get out of hand.”

“I... I don’t think I’m ready.”

“Okay, that’s fine,” the woman smiled. “Remember I’m just here to help you, at your pace. I won’t force you take anything you don’t want to.”

“Thank you.”

“What about the breathing and relaxation techniques? When you feel the anxiety rising, are you trying out the steps?”

“I try... I don’t think I’m very successful at it.”

“Does it work sometimes?”

Lucy pauses for a few seconds in thought before nodding yes.

“See, that is progress!” The woman encouraged excitedly. “Two weeks ago, it didn’t help at all, and now it works sometimes. It’s a big step forward Lucy.”

“Doesn’t feel like it is...” Lucy mumbled.

“I know it’s hard to see it for yourself, and that’s okay. These things take time and practice. Do you remember what I said about these things?”

“Not really.” Which was true. During the first week when the therapist explained the processes, Lucy had stopped listening as soon as the woman said it would take time.

“Let me ask you a question. You like to write stories, right?”

“Yeah.”

“When you first started, were you able to just write perfect stories.”

“Pfft, no.”

“Then how did you get better at it?”

Lucy rolled her eyes, knowing where this was going. “Practice.”

“Yes! The PTSD requires learning new coping skills as well as unlearning irrational ones. To do both takes practice. The more we work at it, the easier it will get, I promise. One day you’ll be able to look back at this experience and feel stronger for it.”

She really wanted to believe the woman, but it was so hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel! Tears well up in Lucy’s eyes, seconds before they start to flow down her cheeks. “Why is this so hard?! I just wanna get back to normal!” She could feel her anxieties rising. “I... I-I don’t wanna talk about it anymore! I just wanna forget it ever happened!”

The woman reached over and took Lucy’s hand, applying a strategic amount of pressure while rubbing her thumb over the webbing in a counter stimulus. She softened in tone. “I wish I could say that would work, but in order to get past it, you need to confront it. Together we’re gonna turn the boogieman into Casper the friendly ghost.”

It was such a weird way of putting things, it caused Lucy’s mind to snap out of the anxiety and snort a sniffling laugh in response. “Casper the friendly ghost?!”

“It was the first thing to pop into my mind,” the therapist laughed too. “The point is, we’re going to work together and slowly bring you to a place where this no longer scares you.”

“O-Okay...”

The rest of the session was tough, and Lucy had come close to a panic attack several times, but as a trained therapist, the woman stepped in at the right times to bring her levels down again using breaks and breathing routines. Sure, with a professional in front of you, it wasn’t as bad, but doing this on her own, the attacks were still winning. At the end of the session, the woman suggested a new technique to try out based on Lucy’s love of writing.

“You’ve heard of art therapy, so just think of this as a different form of creative therapy. Writing a diary is helpful to get out your feelings out in a healthy way. But let’s take it one step forward to use your skills in fiction writing. I want you to try before the next session, writing a story where you interject your emotions, feelings, whatever you want into the characters and story. Kind of like your character becomes you, but now you get to control what happens to them after the trauma they endure.”

“Wait, so you want me to write about a character that goes through what I went through?! Like torture my own character?!”

“Yes, to put it bluntly. Take your pain and unleash it onto the fictional character. It’s a much healthier way of releasing your anger or frustration in something that can’t really be hurt. Do whatever you want to them. But remember you also get to give them the ending you want to. It’s about utilizing a tool you’re already comfortable with and taking back some control. It’ll be normal if you cry, scream, and get upset through the process, but that’s okay, because instead of holding it all in, you’re getting your feelings out.”

Lucy slumped back in her seat. It sounded strange, yet at the same time made a bit of sense to her. Angst type stories were not really her forte, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t do it, especially since pain is all she was channeling at the moment. She sighed. “I’ll try.”

“And that’s totally okay. All I ask is that you give it a try.”

[samwrights]

Two Little Lines Pt. 2

More babies!! WOW I’M SORRY I DIDNT MEAN TO MAKE A WHOLE ASS FIC OUT OF FUKATUCHI.

Er, warning? Implied alcoholism in Semi’s.

Terushima;

To say that you and Terushima lived a perfect life together would be an outright lie.

Sure, the two of you had been together since your guys’ third year of high school and you have always found a way to make the relationship work.

But you were so tired.

So tired of acting more like his mother than his girlfriend of the last four years. He hardly helped around the apartment, never cooked a meal, and if he was home and not passed out, he’d ditch you to go hang out with his friends.

It just didn’t feel like a relationship anymore; it felt like you were roommates who slept in the same bed.

And Terushima Yūji was entirely oblivious to the fact.

To say that it broke your heart would be an understatement.

But even so, you held onto the hope that you and Teru would make this all work and everything would go back to the way it used to be.

Hope in the form of crying out the anguish in your soul every night as you went to bed.

You ain’t slick though, but Terushima just doesn’t know what to do—

he’s terrified to confront you about this because what if you finally realize that he’s really just a piece of shit and you should have left years ago?

I love Terushima but lowkey I feel like he’s toxic 💀

But he tries—tries in the form of actually talking about topics that have real substance for the first time in months.

It actually goes rather well!

Too well.

It was nice to have your boyfriend back, even if temporarily.

To have human, physical contact with him was needed.

But also landed you in your current predicament—sitting on your bathroom floor, waiting for the results of the pregnancy test you felt you needed to buy earlier.

You were tired—way more than usual lately. The morning sickness, however, was what prompted you.

It was currently 2am. Yūji would be home soon from wherever he decided to go to, and the timer on your phone goes off signaling for you to check.

Not that you needed nor wanted the confirmation, but the two little lines were the nail in the coffin.

Lmaofuck.

“[name]?” Terushima calls out from the hallway. He must’ve noticed you weren’t in bed despite the late hour.

Hearing his voice brought tears to your eyes and you wished you could lie and say they were from joy.

The sobs are what captures his attention, prompting him to barge into the bathroom. “Babe? What’s wrong?”

You don’t say anything; you’re afraid you’ll say everything you’d been harboring inside for years. Instead, you point to the pregnancy test with a shaky finger.

“Wha—oh. Oh!” Aside from the three syllables that left his lips, he had no idea what else to say.

Because he knows.

Terushima knows that things haven’t been going all that great and the both of you just loved each other too much to let the other go.

“I don’t know what to do, Yūji.” Your voice is devoid of all emotion, reflecting the emptiness you’d been feeling for so long.

“The choice is yours, always. But...” Terushima comes to sit with you on the tiled floor, tugging at your cheek so that you can look at him. “This is my sign, I guess, that I have to be better. We aren’t kids anymore, shit we could be having a kid—I can’t just do whatever the hell I want.”

“You shouldn’t have been in the first place,” you seeth, “Yūji, we’ve been in a partnership since high school.”

“And you’ve been carrying the team.” At least he acknowledges it. “Now you’re literally carrying the team.”

“Dude,” you smack his arm lightly, not missing his joke. “Be serious.”

“I am. I mean it. I don’t want to lose you, [name], so I’m going to try. I want to be better for you, for both of you.”

Semi;

Was Semi Eita perfect? No.

Did you need him to be perfect? Also no.

But for the last three years, there had always been some kind of disconnect between you two regarding what you wanted for the future.

You both were incredibly supportive of each other’s respective paths—shit, you were Semi’s biggest fan when it came to his music.

But considering he often had to travel, he just couldn’t see eye to eye with you and your need for stable roots.

What was the point of spending money on a house when your two bedroom apartment suited you just fine?

He did concede to the two of you getting a dog, so that was nice at least.

But above all, you wanted to be a family. Married, kids, a yard—the whole package. He knew this, but always had an excuse.

“My career is just taking off. If we get married, I don’t want to abandon either of you—I want to be able to dedicate the proper time to both of you.” Okay, fair.

“We don’t have enough saved for a house yet.” Also fair.

“Being a parent is a full time job.” He had valid points to everything, but that did little to quell your desires.

But for Semi, you were willing to make some sacrifices.

Kinda.

However, Semi doesn’t notice the subtle changes that have come from you.

You’re working more, home less, and if you were home, you’d already have had dinner and hanging out in the bathtub while chugging a bottle of wine.

At first, Eita just thinks that you’ve had a rough day at work or something and he gives you your space.

But one bottle turns into four, and he’s had to carry you out of the tub more than once or twice.

“Babe, talk to me. What’s wrong?” Semi had left work early one day just to make sure he caught you before you started your evening ritual.

“Nothing’s wrong, Eita!” But he could hear the forced optimism along with the way your grin didn’t make your cheekbones close your eyes at the corner like they always did.

“[name], please. Don’t shut me out.” Have you ever heard Semi Eita beg? No? That’s cause it never happens.

“I swear, I’m fine! Just had—“

“A hard day at work, I know. I don’t doubt that but you’re avoiding me, babe. Just tell me what’s going on.”

You don’t know how to answer without being selfish. You know what Semi wants out of life and you had comes to terms with it. So why couldn’t you just let it go?

“I-I just...need time. To come to terms with the fact that we want different things in life.” If Semi was a crier, he would have right then and there. Watching the air leave your lungs in broken bubbles coming up as hiccups as you cried broke his heart.

“Do we? I just want you.”

For the first time in months, you didn’t pick up a bottle. After having dinner together, you finally got to be in the comfort of your loving, life partner.

Fast forward to present day—two months later you still indulge yourself in one glass of wine but no more bottles in the bathtub.

Semi’s thankful af for that 💀 even it wasn’t the ideal recovery

But he notices you’ve been waking up in the middle of the night to go throw up, and he’s starting to wonder if there were days you were sneaking them in.

“Eita, I swear I stopped doing that.” He’s giving you benefit of the doubt, trying to come up with other potential culprits.

There were days when you would PMS bad enough to make you sick.

But never for more than a few days—you were entering week 2.

“I’m calling the doctor,” he declares after you’d hurled for the third time that day. When he sees your hesitance, he adds, “I don’t think this is normal withdrawal. You never quit cold turkey, so I just wanna make sure you’re safe.”

Semi Eita’s intuition is both a blessing and a curse.

Blessing, in the sense that he was 100% right in regards to you needing to see a doctor.

Curse, because the two of you found out that you were pregnant. And while the two of you were doing much better than you were a few months ago, the “talk” about your future had never resurfaced.

“So, what are we going to do, Eita?”

“Well, I suppose I’ll have to consolidate my studio to make room for a nursery and I’ll probably have to start working from home part time at least to help you out—“

“Wait, what?” Why did he make it sound like you were keeping the baby?

“Well I’m not gonna leave you to do this alone, [name]. It’s my kid too.”

“Semi-Semi, you don’t want kids.”

“Yeah, but I want you.” He sounds so sure, so confident, that you aren’t even sure if the man beside you is really your boyfriend. “And by association, that includes our baby.”

Futakuchi;

Oh my god.

Why—or rather how in the fuck did this happen to you?

Well, you know how it happened. You did have sex education when you were in high school, after all.

But you and Fukatuchi always used condoms—there was no room for negotiation on that.

Part of you wishes you would have broken off this hook up arrangement a long time ago

But you know you’re lying to yourself because the two of you just meshed so well.

Almost like a real couple, but you knew that a relationship was the last thing he wanted.

And now, you sat on your bathroom floor with your head buried on your knees after throwing the pregnancy test that revealed two little lines of positivity.

Well, fuck.

You start dodging his 2am calls, passing it off as you had a paper or a lab that you desperately needing to finish.

Kenji isn’t buying it. He knows you’re always on top of your schoolwork.

“Why are you avoiding me?” Comes a text in broad daylight—something comepletely atypical of Futakuchi.

Avoiding turns into ignoring as you’re almost three months pregnant.

To which he calls out with another text send before booty call hours. “Alright, this is getting ridiculous. Whoever you’re fucking now can’t be better than me. Just answer me and I’ll prove it.”

Blocked.

Another weak goes by and, surprisingly, your pregnancy has been relatively smooth. Even if it did suck going through it alone.

A part of you missed Futakuchi. Not that you’d ever tell him that. But you tried to tell yourself you missed the D and nothing else.

But you missed the way he’d hold you overnight, occasionally brushing hair out of your face almost endearingly. You missed the warmth, the lust fueled kisses that you swore were almost loving.

Only to remember he was always gone before you woke up. He was only a booty call, and you had to remind yourself of that.

So why the fuck was he at your doorstep in the middle of the afternoon on a Sunday?

“Why the fuck did you block me?” He snarls, barreling his way into your apartment. You were so thankful that you were wearing an oversized hoodie and that you weren’t showing that much yet. .

“Dude, get out. Obviously, I blocked you for a reason.”

“Oh no, you don’t get to get out of this so easily. You would have told me if you started seeing someone else—“ his wording slips, he knows it, but Futakuchi can’t bring himself to fix the statement.

“We weren’t seeing each other in the first place!” The words sting him like rubbing alcohol on a fresh wound.

You try to usher him out of the apartment but, thanks to you being 16 weeks along and much weaker than him, your efforts are futile.

“You’re so cute when you play hard to get.” He retorts, wrapping his arms around your waist and picking you off the ground to carry you both out of the door way.

But as soon as he does, you’re immediately prying yourself away—fearful that he can feel your hardening belly. Fighting him off, however, seemed to make him squeeze harder. “Kenji, let me go! Fuck!”

He notices the use of his first name. He notices the flailing. But most of all, he noticed that your body felt different, even underneath the plush cloth of your hoodie.

He lets you go, unceremoniously dropping you into the ground out of shock because he finally is putting the pieces together. “You’re pregnant?”

“Get out, Kenji.”

“So you didn’t wanna see me because you’re pregnant? I’m sorry, I don’t quite understand the logic here,” his tone is snarky, painted with a vicious bite, “unless you were hooking up with someone else at the same time is me, there was no reason for you to keep this from me.”

But he knew that you weren’t. He knew by the way you’d clutch at his chest lovingly after sex that part of you longed for a real relationship with him.

And by the way it took everything in him to not stay through the morning, Kenji knew that somewhere along the lines, he wanted it too.

And he planned on telling you the last time he called, just before you started avoiding him.

“There was only you.” You answer quietly to the implied question.

“So, it’s mine.” He states bluntly. Losing your voice, you only nod. “You know,” he starts again slowly after you’ve both nodded off to a silent lull, “I started texting you in the middle of the day because I didn’t want you to think it was just about sex anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“I actually wanted to give us a try, but I wasn’t sure if you’d break things off if you didn’t want to move forward, and I didn’t wanna risk finding out.”

“And now, instead, you’re finding out that you’re going to be a dad.”

💀💀💀 I-

Haikyuu!! Tag List - Let me know if you’d like to be added!

@hihiq​ @dreamyjaems @tamcitrus

[luci-in-trenchcoats]

Won’t You Stay (Part 6)

Summary: After a fun first date, the reader and Jensen make plans to go out again. By the end of the day Jensen isn’t feeling well though so the reader takes him home and learns a little more about how much Jensen is a fan of Lyle Sullivan...

Masterlist

Pairing: Jensen x Director!reader

Word Count: 1,900ish

Warnings: language

A/N: Please enjoy!

______

Monday Morning

“Y/N,” said Jensen as you wandered away from craft services. “Hey, got a sec?”

“For my number one fan always,” you teased, taking a sip of your coffee. “What’s up?”

“I had fun Saturday. I know you’re super busy and all right now but would you maybe want to go out Friday night? We only have a half day,” he said.

“Yeah. Sounds fun,” you said. 

“Oh and The Dark Night? You kicked it in the ass. I loved it,” he said, a huge grin on his face. “I can’t wait to be a part of that too.”

“Really?” you asked with a smile.

“Really. This is one of the best sets I’ve ever been on too,” he said. “It’s great.”

“Awesome. Um, when I get a free minute I’d love to pick your brain on some stuff,” you said.

“Sure,” he said. “Yeah, I’d love that.”

“Y/N! We got a problem with the crane camera,” shouted someone from down the lot.

“Duty calls,” you said. “I’ll see you in an hour.”

“Hey,” you said at the end of the day, everyone looking run down after a day of stunts, one person in particular. “Jensen, hold up.”

“Yeah?” he mumbled. 

“Are you feeling okay?” you asked.

“Actually not really,” he said. 

“Why don’t you pop over to medical?” you asked.

“Y/N-“

“Do we have to do this again? My set, my rules,” you said.

“Fine,” he said. “I don’t want to keep anyone late.”

“Ten minutes and I’ll head over with you.”

“Do I really-“

“Whoa,” said your dad as he came around the corner. “Jay, you do not look good.”

“I’ve heard,” he said. “I’ll take some cough syrup when I get home.”

“Come on, kid. Let’s go,” said your dad as he grabbed his arm.

“Ethan-“

“Want me to call your mother?” he shot back.

“Alright. Dad, I will take Jensen to medical and you go home,” you said. “I promise.”

Ten minutes later Jensen was wincing and frowning as a thermometer was pulled from his ear.

“102. You have the flu, Jensen,” said the on-site nurse.

“I’m fine,” he said. “I feel fine.”

“Bed rest and liquids. If you get warmer or the fever hasn’t broken by morning, go to the hospital,” she said.

“I’m fine,” he said. The nurse stared him down but Jensen gave it right back.

“You got a roommate to keep an eye on that fever of yours just in case?” asked the nurse.

“Is everyone around here my mother?” mumbled Jensen.

“Thank you, Kelsey,” you said, grabbing Jensen by the arm.

You led him outside and he didn’t complain when you got him sat in your car.

“I’m going to drive you home, okay? I’ll come check on you before work tomorrow, see that you’re alright to come in or if we need to delay,” you said.

“I’ll be fine, Y/L/N. You worry too much.”

“Jensen, I really don’t think you should be alone tonight,” you said, carrying his backpack along with some goodies from the pharmacy into his apartment half an hour later.

“I am fine,” he said, sniffling and closing his eyes. “Okay, maybe not fine.”

You frowned and he dug out the thermometer, sticking it under his arm. You grabbed it as soon as it beeped off, flipping it around to him.

“102.2. Oh yes, you are clearly the epitome of health, Jay,” you said.

“Well it’s not like I can get my mom to come over,” he said, wearily closing his eyes.

“Ackles. I’m starting to see you’re very grumpy when you’re sick,” you said.

“Am not,” he said, going to his couch and laying down. You stood by the edge of it, Jensen letting out a small shake. “Can you make me soup?”

“Soup I can do,” you said. You went to his kitchen and started to poke around, heating up a can on the stove after a few minutes. “How you feeling, buddy?”

“Crappy,” he said. “I’m not hungry anymore.”

“Well I’m still gonna make you soup and you can have the leftovers tomorrow,” you said. He mumbled and you finished cooking, storing the rest in a few thermos’ he could toss in the microwave. You hummed and carried over a mug of it, setting it down on the coffee table. He looked worse than before, a shiver leaving him. “Come on. Get in some pajamas, Ackles.”

He sighed and got to his feet, trudging into his bedroom. Fifteen minutes later you knocked on the door, Jensen laying down on the bed in a pair of boxers.

“Trying to see me naked?” he teased. “I’m kidding. What’s up?”

“Here’s your soup and this is for later,” you said, setting the medicine down.

“Thanks,” he said.

“If you’re too sick to come in-“

“I’ll be there. Just give me a few extra breaks,” he said.

“No problem. Feel better Jensen,” you said.

“Hey, Y/N. Uh, not that I’m not already embarrassed enough but would you mind hanging out for a minute?” he asked.

“Not at all,” you said. You stepped into his room and took a seat at his desk, smirking at the figure on top. “A Lyle funko pop? You really are a fan.”

“Shut up,” he laughed before he started to cough.

“I have like fifty in my closet if you ever want more,” you said. “Your apartment is...cozy.”

“It’s small and older than both of us combined but it’s clean and quiet,” he said. 

“How long have you been living on your own?” you asked.

“About three years. I’ve had a girlfriend move in for about six months before but that’s it. You said you moved out of your parents place not too long ago?” he asked.

“Two years. I went to my boyfriend’s place. I’ve only been on my own for one. It’s lonelier than I thought it’d be to be honest,” you said.

“Yeah, I get that. I’m thinking about getting a dog. I’d like company to come home to,” he said, snuggling down into his sheets. “So what’d this ex boyfriend do? So I don’t make the same mistake potentially.”

“I would be amazed if you did,” you said, leaning your elbow against his desk, putting your head in your hand. He rolled over in bed and looked at you, sniffling for a moment. “When your ex-girlfriend talked about the sex stuff, did you feel violated?”

“Yeah. He talk to your friends about that stuff?” he asked.

“No. I don’t really want to talk about it, Jensen,” you said. “You won’t make that mistake. I promise.”

“Are we dating?” he said.

“I think so.”

“I think so too,” he said, closing his eyes.

“I think it’s time for bed,” you said with a smile.

“Mhm,” he mumbled. 

“Do you want me to call someone to stay over with you just in case you get worse?” you asked.

“You?” he said quietly. 

“Alright, I’ll be on the couch if you need me,” you said. You shut off his light for him, Jensen fast asleep before you even left the room. You cleaned up a little in the kitchen before you sprayed his couch with some lysol, letting it sink in for a moment before you laid down. You sat up and looked for a blanket, spotting one in the corner. You hummed as you went to the basket and grabbed it, smiling when you saw a copy of The Dark Woods on his bookshelf. You looked at the other books, some thrillers, some mysteries, some reference and cookbooks. There were a few YA books along with some general fiction. 

You tilted your head when you saw one called “Sullivan” with no author. You pulled it out and realized it wasn’t a published book, just a print copy of a story. You flipped through it some, getting to the end and recognizing the name.

“You read Lyle Sullivan fanfic,” you said, glancing back at his bedroom door. “I shouldn’t be surprised.”

You took the copy and smiled as you sat down, skimming through it for a few minutes.

“If you have a copy of this then that means...you follow me on Tumblr. For fuck’s sake,” you groaned. “I made it for fun, to write the prequel stuff I couldn’t put in the books. Apparently you were a winner in the follower giveaway too.”

You set the book down and grabbed your phone, checking your blog for the first time in months. You’d gone on a temporary hiatus and you wouldn’t call it overly popular. It was mostly short stories here and there aside from “Sullivan,” the backstory of Lyle Sullivan and his life before he met Hale. 

Shit, you hadn’t even told him that Sullivan was being turned into a proper book. You grabbed the book and put it back on his bookcase, putting your phone away before you sat back down. He was a fan so it made sense and he loved talking about the story with you. 

You lay down and sighed, hoping when you brought it up things didn’t get weird.

“Good morning,” you said, Jensen looking rough as he wandered out of his room in a pair of jeans and an oversized hoodie. “How are you feeling?”

“Sucky but better,” he said. “Down to 100 now.”

“Good,” you said, grabbing a glass of water for him. “Take some morning medicine and then I’ll drive us to work if you’re up for it.”

“For sure,” he said. He wandered around the apartment and chuckled. “Did you clean for me?”

“A little. Mostly sprayed lysol,” you said. He nodded and opened his curtains, turning for a moment before he stared at the bookcase, probably seeing something off about it.

“Did you read last night?” he asked. “Not that I have a problem with that.”

You sighed and he walked over, taking his medicine as you poured his soup in a thermos to bring with him.

“I may have spotted that Sullivan book when I got a blanket. It peaked my interest,” you said.

“So how much more of a loser do you think I am than before,” he laughed nervously.

“I don’t think...I have no problem with fanfiction of my stuff. It’s super cool actually. But...I sort of wrote that story,” you said. He raised an eyebrow and shook his head.

“No you didn’t. It’s not a real book. I got it from a blog which again, super embarrassing but-”

“Jensen. It’s my blog,” I said.

“Oh. You’re...oh,” he said.

“Yeah. I wanted to get that out in the open,” you said, pursing your lips.

“Cool. Um, we should get going. You have to get in early I’m sure,” he said as he grabbed the thermos. 

“Yeah,” you said, Jensen already walking away and putting on his shoes. “Uh, let’s head out then.”

_____

A/N: Read Part 7 here!

[dameronsgalaxygal]

I’ve Been Waiting For You - Chapter 6: Why Did It Have to Be Me?

series masterlist

Pairing: modern!poe x reader

Warnings: Language, mentions of past abusive relationship, mentions of sex.

Word Count: 2526

A/N: Sorry this took so long! I struggled a lot with this chapter and I also had my wisdom teeth pulled. But I’m fully recovered and back to writing! I hope you like this chapter, because things are about to get real interesting! Feedback and comments are greatly appreciated! Taglist is open, and don't forget to listen to the song! :)

Summary: You have second thoughts about your relationship.

Even though it had been about a month, you were still scolding yourself for jumping into a relationship so fast.

You just got out of an emotionally, and physically, abusive relationship. Why were you letting yourself get into another one this fast?

Poe. That’s why.

He was wonderful. The way he talked to you, he made everything else seem so irrelevant. When you were with Poe, you forgot about New York. It was what you wanted. To forget. Poe made you feel beautiful, he made you feel worth it. He made you feel okay. It scared the shit out of you.

Since your first date on the beach a month ago, Poe had become a little too attached. You weren’t necessarily complaining. You liked Poe a lot. But if he did something, something so small that could trigger you again like he did that night at the club, you wouldn’t be able to continue the relationship.

If only you could open up to him.

“This? This is what you find entertaining?”

You sat on the couch of your apartment, your legs in Poes lap and his arms draped over them. You were watching Dance Moms, and Poe was highly unamused.

You laughed, “As a matter of fact, I do. Now shh, I want to know if the ALDC wins!”

“Don’t they always win?” He cocked his eyebrow at you. You rolled your eyes and smiled.

“Not always.”

Poe laughed and leaned over to kiss your cheek.

You looked at him, his eyes plastered back onto the screen. You were having second thoughts about your relationship.  

No, no. You liked him, you really did. But you couldn’t stop thinking about Kyle. How much he damaged you. You shouldn’t be able to move on that fast. You needed to heal first. Right?

The sound of keys jangling and the doorknob struck you out of your gaze, head snapping toward the door.

Rey and Rose entered your apartment holding bags of groceries. “Could use some help”.

You and Poe shot up from the couch to help bring in bags from the car.

Rey set down a bag and turned to face Poe as he walked out the door, placing her hands on her hips. She waited until you were out the door before she spoke, “Are you ever gonna leave?”

Poe stopped, turning to face her with a chuckle, “Obviously! I have a job, you know? What, sick of me already?”

She didn’t mean it in a rude way. Rey loved Poe like a brother, so it wasn’t uncommon for her to get a little annoyed with him every now and then. But everytime she came home from school or work, Poe was there, sitting on the couch with you. It wasn’t much different from before you two had started going out, except she may have walked in to the occasional make out session a couple times.

“Why don’t you two spend more time at your place?” She asked as she began unpacking the grocery bags, handing Rose items to put in the fridge.

Poe shrugged, walking over to Rey and sighing. “She doesn’t want to.”

“What do you mean she doesn’t want to?” She stopped unpacking, crossing her arms.

You walked back inside holding two bags. “There’s just a 12 pack of soda in the trunk. Poe, would you mind grabbing it?” You asked, placing the bags on the counter.

Poe nodded and shot Rey a look as if he was asking her something before going to grab the  sodas.

“Have you thought about going over to Poe’s place every now and then?” Rey looked at you as she went back to putting the groceries away.

You shrugged, grabbing tubs of ice cream out of the bags and placing them in the freezer, “Not really. Why?”

“Well because other people live here, and as much as I love you both, I would appreciate the couch every now and then.”

“Why don’t you guys ever hang out in your room? You used to before you started dating.” Rose chimed in. Yeah, well now he could potentially try to fuck me if we’re in the bedroom and I might have a panic attack.

You sighed, closing the freezer and turning to face them. “I just don’t want to, okay?”

Truth was, you wanted to have control in the relationship. For now, at least. You were very apprehensive about going to Poe’s place. You had only been there once, and it was during Finn’s birthday, the first time you two officially met. His house was big. It intimidated you. What would happen if Poe tried to take you up to his bedroom? What if he won’t let you leave? No, Poe isn’t Kyle. But you couldn’t get those thoughts out of your head.

You trusted Poe, but he still didn’t know about Kyle. He knew you were in a previous relationship, but he didn’t know the details. You felt that you should share something with him, let him know there are things you wouldn’t be comfortable with, but you figured you would address them when you needed to. You just really, really, wanted to forget about Kyle.

When Poe was at your place, you felt at ease. You were more in control of the situations. You were in your own home, and he could leave if you asked him to. He often would ask to go to your room to cuddle, but you told him the couch was more comfortable. He wouldn’t question you.

Poe returned from the car, kicking the door closed and gently placing the 12 pack on the counter. “I think I’m gonna head home. I have an early flight to Atlanta tomorrow.” He smiled at you, grabbing his keys and giving you a kiss to your head.

You nodded, “Be safe. I heard it's supposed to storm.”

“Eh, I’ve flown through blizzards.” He shrugged, “I’m a damn good pilot.”

You rolled your eyes, “Alright, alright. I’ll text you later.”

He smiled again, leaning down to give you a chaste kiss before saying bye to your roommates and leaving.

A small smile lingered on your face as you continued to put away the groceries.

“Y/N, I know you just got out of your relationship with Kyle, but you moved here to start over. You’re with Poe now, and things are gonna get stagnant if all you do is sit here or go out to eat every now and then. You can’t let Kyle get to you.” She said softly, watching you open a can of Pepsi.

You sighed, leaning back against the counter and brushing the hair out of your face. “I don’t think you understand how hard this is.”

“You’re right. I don’t. I don’t understand at all. But I’d appreciate it if you told me.” Her voice was stern.

Rey had been there for you since you were born. She opened up her home for you. She deserved to know what was going on with you, but you just shook your head.

“I can’t. Not yet.” You started for your bedroom.

“Then what are you in a relationship for?” She called out to you. “If this is your way of coping, you aren’t being fair to Poe,” She sighed, “He deserves to know at least why you actually moved here.”

Rey was right. Poe had become your best friend in the few months since you had arrived in Florida. You two immediately clicked, and it felt natural. It felt right. Too right. You were yourself around him. Part of you wanted to open up to him, tell him about all of the shit you went through.

But, alas, you still didn’t have the strength.

The front door to your apartment shot open once again and Poe stepped inside. “Forgot my wallet.” He walked in, hurrying to the coffee table where he had left it.

“Poe.” You called out.

“Hm?” He looked at you while he picked it up.

“Can we talk for a minute before you go?”

He shot Rey and Rose a nervous look before looking back at you, “Sure.”

He walked towards you, “What’s up?”

“Can we go for a walk?” You asked softly, looking up at him.

“Yeah. Yeah, or we can go for a drive, whatever.” You could tell he was anxious. It was cute.

You chuckled softly, grabbing his hand, “Calm down. Let’s just take a walk.”

He nodded as you led him out the door.

You walked in silence for a bit before Poe broke the awkward barrier.

“Did I do something wrong again?”

You looked up at him, a part of you hurt at the fact that he said ‘again’. “What? No, no, no.” You shook your head.

“Okay, well then what’s going on? You seem uneasy.”

You took a deep breath, “I didn’t really move here because I wanted to get away from the city. Well, I mean, I did. But not for the reason that I had told you.”

He didn’t speak, letting you continue.

“I came here to get away from my ex. He wasn’t..he isn’t... a good person and I uh, I needed to get out before he did god knows what..” Your body tensed up, and Poe noticed.

“What did he do to you?” He asked sympathetically, but you just shook your head.

“It doesn’t matter.” It definitely did, but you weren’t going to explain the details.

Poe sighed as you continued walking, his grip around your hand tightening.

After a few seconds of silence, you spoke. “I can’t be the girlfriend you want me to be.”

He stopped in his tracks, looking at you. You stopped after him, turning to face him with a soft sigh. You looked down at your feet, feeling tension already.

“I’ll tell you right now. I won’t...I can’t have sex with you. I’m not ready. I can’t explain to you why, but I just...I can’t. I also get very anxious and nervous in certain situations and I know that it can get irritating. I trust that you wouldn’t hurt me, I do, but I just-”

“Y/N.” He cut you off.

“I just know that I can’t give you what you want.”

“None of that matters to me,” He grabbed both of your hands. His eyes searched for yours, but he couldn’t find them.

You let out a sarcastic chuckle, shaking your head. “Trust me, it will when you realize how fucked up I am.”

He shook his head again as he tried to speak, but you wouldn’t allow him the chance. You were starting to overthink, your mind racing a million miles a minute as you thought of the night you left Poe in his car absolutely clueless. You didn’t want to put him through that again.

“It’s better if you just forget me.” Okay, that was a little dramatic.

“No, ma’am. I will not do that.” He let out a small laugh and you looked up at him to finally meet his eyes.

“Poe…”

“No, Y/N, listen to me.” He removed his hands from yours, his now free hands coming up to brush your hair out of your eyes. “I already told you, I don’t know what happened in New York, but I would never, ever disrespect you.”

He’s not getting it, you thought, he’s not understanding.

“I know that Poe, you made that clear after the incid-”

“I love you.”

Your heart skipped a beat and your face went white. There was no way he just told you he loved you.

“What?”

Poe took a deep breath and a step back, running his hand through his hair.

“I don’t know what it is about you. I don’t know how, I don’t know why, but I love you.”

You let out a shaky breath. This was not helping your situation.

“I know we’ve only really known each other for like, what, almost three months now? But Y/N, I feel so connected to you. Like I have known you my whole life. You’re beautiful, and I want you to see that. I want to show you that you are worth something. Everything. Because I look at you and I see...I see something in you that I haven’t seen in anyone else before. I don’t know how it made me fall that fast, but it did.” His face was genuine and you watched his eyes glisten with hope. Hope that you believed him.

Nobody had spoken to you like this before. You had gotten so used to being nobody that it felt nearly impossible to believe that you were somebody.

You felt tears in your eyes as you continued to look at Poe, overwhelmed by different emotions. Happiness, sadness, nervousness. Hurt.

Hurt because you couldn’t say it back.

“Poe. I don’t...I don’t know what to say.” You shuffled your feet, looking down.  

“You don’t need to say anything. But I want you to know that I will do whatever it takes to make you feel worthy. To make you feel loved.” He tilted your chin up to look at him.

“I can’t say it back.” You whispered sadly, your eyes glassy. 

He nodded, “You don’t need to. That doesn’t change anything.”

He gave you a moment to process his words before speaking again, “If you aren’t ready for sex, that’s more than okay with me. If you are nervous to come to my place, that’s okay too. I want to make you comfortable. I will do what it takes for you to trust me and feel safe around me.”

You still couldn’t speak as you were still in shock. For once, someone understood you. You didn’t even tell him what you had gone through, but it was like he already knew. He saw it in your eyes, how hurt you were. He wanted nothing more than to take it away.  

“Okay now would be a good time to say something,” He chuckled softly.

You just shook your head, pulling him into you. He wrapped his arms around your shoulders as you snaked yours around his waist. Your cheek pressed against his chest and he leaned down to kiss your head. He pulled you tight against him and you let out a sigh. 

“Thank you, Poe.”

“No need to thank me, sweetheart.” He smiled down at you. “You deserve so much, I just hope you’ll let me prove that to you.”

You looked up at him and smiled softly with a nod.

He noticed a single tear fall from your eye and he reached up to wipe it.

“Can I walk you back home?” He asked.

“Not yet,” You reached your hand up to wrap around the back of his neck, fingers lightly running through his hair as you pulled him in for a kiss.

He kissed you gently, cautiously. You smiled against his lips before pulling away, putting your forehead on his.

“Okay. Now you can walk me home.”

He smiled and reached down to intertwine his hand with yours again, walking you back to your apartment. He was already whipped, but in the best way possible.

He was in love with you, and he was going to do whatever it took for you to see that.

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[hopeswriting]

FANDOM: Katekyo Hitman Reborn!

EVENT: Flufftober 2020 

PROMPT: Cuddling

AUTHOR: @hopeswriting​

RATING: G

PAIRING: Adult!Lal & Adult!Fon

SUMMARY:

Lal comes home after yet another unsuccessful meeting with an agent. [Modern!AU]

Tag warning: Self depreciating language, Non serious wish of self harm (Lal is just being dramatic)

WORDS: 582 (BONUS: 1413)

*

Lal doesn’t slam the door closed behind her. She doesn’t throw her bag nor her coat down the leaving room, and doesn’t kick away her shoes after removing them like they’re soccer balls.

She closes the door and collapses on the previously-blanketed-and-pillowed-by-Fon floor, half in the entryway, half in the living room, still fully clothed.

Fon sends a “Quicksand Lal” text to the others to let them know they can’t come in right now.

At least her eyes weren’t red-rimmed, and she didn’t look about to burst into tears.

“I’m the one mistake god kept in this world to remind themself to never commit such an atrocity again.”

Fon winces. Well then, now he would just have to find the name of this last agent, editor, whoever, so they can have a little chat.

Did they have to make her leave their meeting in such a state every time?

He thinks the fuck not.

“You’re my very favorite person on earth, and I simply would have had to fist fight god to make you if he didn’t already do it.” Fon lies down too in the other direction, his head at the same level as Lal’s. “I would have won too, by the way.”

Lal huffs a laugh, sad and weak. She hides her face with her hood, closer to tears than Fon first thought.

“Why do I even keep trying?”

“Because it’s who you are. You never let the world put you down for long, and you’re not about to start now. I won’t let you.”

“Why fucking bother?” She kicks the bag at her feet, sends it flying against the wall. “How hard can it be to write a decent book? I’m just incompetent.”

Fon gently removes the hood and the hair out of her face. He brings her close, and lies on his back so she can rest her head on his chest.

“It’s very hard. But you’ll work on it again and make it better.”

“If you truly have any ounce of love for me at all, you’d snap my neck right now and spare me the humiliation of my existence.”

“You’ll work on it again as many times as you need, until every one else recognize its worth.”

“If you truly care for me, you’d burn to the ground any traces of my writing you could find.”

“And then we could make the round of all these agents who refused you, and throw a copy of your published book in their face.” Fon weaves his fingers through her hair, scratches her scalp. He peers down at her. “Wouldn’t that be nice?”

Lal glances at him briefly, and grows more of a dead weight on him. “You don’t even like my book.”

“I don’t like any books. I’m illiterate, remember? Words pretty to look at, hard to read.”

Lal snickers, something brief but genuine, and flicks him blindly somewhere along his jawline. She crawls on her knees to drape herself over him like some heavy, comfort-seeking blanket.

Fon wraps his arms around her and holds her tight, stroking her back in a soothing manner.

“Hey?” he says softly. She hums. “There’s people out there waiting to have their whole life changed by your book, so I better see you working on it.”

Lal nuzzles his neck. “Deal.”

“I brought ice-cream too. Chocolate and hazelnuts flavored.”

Lal sighs dreamily. “You’re the only man I’ll ever lie my life down for. Marry me.”

Fon chuckles. “Well, don’t go tell Colonnello that.”

*

BONUS:

Okay buckle up because I have thoughts for this verse.

This is a Civilians!Arco, Roommates!Arco, Polyamory!Arco, Slice of Life, Adulting Wrong, Modern AU.

But let's just go with the Arcobaleno Adulting Wrong AU lol.

(And I say civilians as in, their flames are dormant, but they could become active at literally any given moment, because I think it has the potential to be funny but I just didn’t figure out how yet.)

------

Lal and Fon meets in high school. Fon is the new foreign student in her class, and she’s asked to be the person he can turn to if he needs help.

They become best friends, stick together from then on, through high school and college, and decide they’ll live together.

They find themselves a nice two rooms apartment, but it turns out quickly it’s too nice for them.

So they send the word they're looking for a roommate.

------

Reborn and Colonnello are childhoods best friends. They stick together until high school, then go their separate way after that.

(They do stay in contact though, even if it’s nothing significant at all.)

Reborn majors in Math and minors in Social Studies, and comes out of college as its best student ever without breaking a sweat.

He opens a coffee shop, and finds a studio within his budget, and everything is fine.

Except nothing is fine because Reborn can live in nothing else but at least above average comfort, and his studio definitely does not qualify.

Until his business gets popular and he gets rich, he figures he can bear living with someone else in the meantime.

He finds Lal’s and Fon’s add, but the part he’s supposed to pay still doesn’t quite fit in his budget.

He calls Colonnello.

------

Colonnello is a rich boy. He doesn’t live with his parents anymore, but still absolutely depends on them financially.

They’re the one paying his nice apartment while he’s going through college. He majors in International Business while being the college star basketball athlete.

Here’s the thing though, Colonnello couldn’t care less about it all. He’s doing it because that’s what he’s expected to do.

(Well, he does like baseball, and sports in general, but he doesn’t want to make that for a living.)

But here’s the other thing, Colonnello doesn’t know what the hell he wants to do with his life.

He’d love to step out of the path decided for him to his own path—that’s the only thing he wants actually—, but he literally never knew anything else?

He only ever had to conform to others’ expectations of him, so he kind of comes empty when he tries to think of the alternative.

Somehow he comes to the conclusion serving in the army is what will give him answers.

But then Reborn calls, and he figures becoming independent of his parent’s money is maybe a more reasonable first step to take.

He becomes Reborn’s business partner, and moves in with him with Lal and Fon.

------

Skull hates school. He’s good at school, but he can’t believe he has to legally waste so much time of his life in there.

His parents are adamant he makes it all the way through college, so he makes a deal they won’t be allowed to tell him ever again how to live his life once he does.

He majors in Communication, Social Media and Web Marketing, minors in Sustainable Fashion Design, and then spends every walking living second of his life working to become a pro dancer and nothing else.

Except he still needs a roof above his head, but doesn’t want it to be a too big responsibility on his shoulders, so he looks for roommates.

He finds Lal’s and Fon’s add, but they already have Reborn and Colonnello, but even with the four of them the rent proves to be too pricey still, so they let Skull sleeps in the living room while they look for a new apartment.

They find a nice, four bedrooms apartment, of someone looking for roommates, and thankfully they don’t mind there are five of them.

Skull becomes Reborn’s and Colonnello’s business partner, takes care specifically and only of marketing them on social media, and points out that maybe they’d want to hire some employees for the shop.

------

Verde is the one living in the four room apartment, looking for roommates.

Verde is still a genius in this, and his parents were genius of their own, and they’re dead now but they left him loaded with money.

That’s how he pays the apartment, and everything else in his life, because he lives as a literal hermit and certainly does not have a job.

He never had a job in his whole life actually, and he’s fine with it.

Here’s the thing though, he’s terrible with money. And yeah his parents were geniuses, but the average kind of geniuses, and he’s starting to run kind of low in terms of money.

So he looks for roommates to buy himself as much time as he can.

And he sucks it up when he sees what kind of roommates exactly he summoned in his life lol.

------

Viper is… fucking tired of living in a Society, actually. Did they fucking ask? They fucking didn’t.

They make it until high school and straight up refuse to go to college, no matter what their parents say.

But, yes, they suppose they have to do something with their life. Yes, they’re working on it, they are, they swear.

It’s their 24th birthday, and their parents tell him if by next year they didn’t get their shit together, they’ll have no choice but to kick him out.

Viper immediately tweets this injustice, because, you see, they’re an influencer.

“Influencer.”

It started with them live blogging their whole life with a heavy dose of complaints and dark humor and cynicism, and somehow they made it popular.

And then companies started reaching out to them and, well, they weren’t about to say no to some money.

I wouldn’t say they’re liked though.

Popular? Yes. Liked? Let’s not go that far lmao. Make people talk about them and distract them from their own life? Absolutely.

Viper would die within the first 30 minutes of living in the streets, so they look for a part-time job to try to soothe their parents.

They become cashier at the coffee shop.

Except it doesn’t soothe their parents at all, so when they meet the deadline, they just move in with the others Arcobaleno.

------

Luce is… I’m still hesitating for Luce.

She can be their neighbor, and the only one among them who actually has her life together and under control and going exactly as she wants it to go.

And they kind of secretly hates her because of it, but the spite helps them try harder to get their shit together.

On the other hand she’s genuinely very supportive of them, which not many people in their life are—if any—, because she believes in the beauty and strength and bravery of pursuing your dreams no matter what, and they love her so much for it.

Also she indulges and encourages every last one of their bad decisions, which undoubtedly makes everything worse, but everyone is happy not to point it out.

OR she can be just like them, doing what is essentially procrastinating into adulthood.

I think both have the potential to be funny, but let’s go with the second one for consistency’s sake.

------

Luce has a whole thriving enterprise to inherit from her parents, but no, thank you very much, she wants to make her own mark in the world.

She majors in European & International Business, minors in Entrepreneurship & Innovation, and sets out to make her own mark in the world.

She works in her parent’s enterprise in the meantime, but only because she’ll need money to make her own mark in the world, and also, you know, to live until she makes her own mark in the world.

Which is absolutely a work in progress, she’s working on that right now. Making her own mark in the world.

Luce doesn’t have any fucking clue what she wants her own mark in the world to be. Or more like, she wants to do so many things!

When she talks to Colonnello about saving money so she can try to do as many things as she needs to, he tells her about how they totally could use another roommate to pay their bills.

She becomes a server at the coffee shop.

*

Okay so I do have more thoughts for this verse, but it’s going to be too long if I write them all at once lol. Here’s part 2!

Thank you for reading! Any and all review are appreciated ^^.