#outhouse cartoons

[outhouse-cartoons]

Tonight on twitch I’ll be drawing a rabbit for Year Of The Rabbit!

Follow and watch tonight at 8:30PST at https://www.twitch.tv/outhousecartoons

[walmaker-artist]

Made this outhouse BG for 1_time_fulltank on the Maniac Mansion Mania website. I think I'm starting to get better at the style.

[paintedhyenadogs]

Err, snippet of chapter 2 of my fic (a Homelander/Self Insert OC/ Soldier Boy fic)

Warnings for: Misgendering, casual use of the F-slur (by Soldier Boy), internalised homophobia, Homelanders god complex reaching the peak of all peaks, Milk fixation completely unrelated to Homelander.

(tell me if there are any warnings I should have added but have missed here)

It had been about 5 hours since their interaction amd Half-Hound hasn't come down again. If he didn't choose the room beside the stairs, he probably wouldn't have noticed as easily as he did. Everything that was left out during their earlier "discussion" hadn't been put back into the freezer or pantry. "He hasn't eaten yet?" He thinks, as he begins to take the items on the counter to their respective places, glancing at the clock all the while. As he opens the fridge, he finds himself amused by the sheer amount of dairy in it. The amount of milk in the damn thing was insane, with cheese coming in second to it. He grabs a carton of milk, full cream, as he drinks straight from the box.

He wipes the residue from his mouth, now with the cockiness his self grew to know. If he didn't want to eat it wasn't his issue, he's not the one starving. He could care less about that sensitive wuss! What, couldn't take a compliment? I mean what kind of a guy-

He doesn't care! Oh course he doesn't , it's absurd to think he would, but he still goes to check on Half-Hound, cracking open the door and peering through the small crevice. Soldier Boy rolls his eyes, shutting the door quietly as he turns to leave. Half-Hound was asleep, back turned to the door, tail tucked between his legs and hugging a long pillow as his animal like legs kicked it periodically. He was fine! Of course he- she would be. Why wouldn't she be? She can handle herself just fine! Not like he doubted that or was worried. He just wanted to make sure. It's good to check if your coworker was alive, you never know.

He spends the rest of his time navigating the television. Modern times were very obviously different, for one, it doesn't seem like this one had cable and if it did, he didn't know how to access it. He fiddled awhile with the remote, ending up on something called Youtube. He leaned back into the couch, and sighed. It would have to do. It looked like a bunch of pictures, with their titles right beside them.

"I only eat pink food for a day!"

"Supes bad? It's a bit complex."

"Takoyaki party! Spicy Cheese Garlic Mayo Takoyaki Mukbang asmr"

What the fuck was he even reading? He pressed the arrow button pointing downward, leading him down to more pictures and titles. All of which were either confusing, absurd, intelligible, or boring, like one with a singular image of an outhouse, and some weird title referencing something called "shrek". Some of them looked downright gross, like cartoon characters shown with needles and lumps, with nonsensical titles. Every time he moves downward to more content, he's hit with the same confusion, disgust and boredom. Then he sees it.

"The Soldier Boy Story (1951) full movie free"

Full movie? He can watch that thing? How? It was just a picture of a scene in the movie from what he could see. "Need help?" Soldier Boy turned towards the kitchen. Half-Hound was standing in the kitchen, readying a pan and some ingredients. "Thanks for putting all my shit back by the way, I forgot," his voice was flat, Soldier Boy couldn't gleen much emotion from it. "So, do you need help?" Half-Hound asked once more. He took a second to study his face, which just like his voice, was a flat, stoic thing that he couldn't gleen much information from. "Sure,"

Half-Hound walked to where he sat, taking the remote and showing him the buttons. "So you've figured out up and down, so you use the left and right arrow keys to get to the video you want,". He talked to him like he was a child. Explaining things carefully and not to fast. It felt like he was being mocked. "Then just press ok, and bam, you can watch the video, again, just use the back button to go back to the front page, or exit the thing entirely," "Are you mocking me?" Half-Hound didn't even look at Soldier Boy. "No, not on purpose," he says, getting up and walking back to the kitchen. The way he walked back when he was apathetic was different than when he was mad, or whenever he felt some other emotion. To be honest, he's never seen his tail be so idle. No soft wagging sway, no bristled straightness, no soft curl on his leg. It bothered him, more so than he'd like to admit.

After that, other than the sound of the television playing his movie, Half-Hound and Soldier Boy didn't speak a word to eachother. He didn't enjoy the silence. back when he was no. 1, there was always talk, save for when he was dozing off of course, but the silence now just crept under his skin, it annoyed him. When he hears the door click open, only then did he see the first regular movement Half-Hound did, his right ear flicking as his head turned to look at the door.

"You two look swell," Butcher exclaimed sarcastically as he entered. Hughie could feel the tension as soon as he walked in. He knew something happened. "Also, you don't mind havin a few extra guests, ere, right?" Butcher asked, well not asked, more like stated, because as soon as Half-Hound turns to look at the door, he sees Kimiko, Frenchie and Annie, walk through the door. "Some of you have to share a room, and to clarify not a bed, because one of the guest rooms has a loft," Half-Hound rolled his eyes. He didn't care, really, but it would've been nice to be given a damn heads up atleast an hour earlier, he looked like shit, it was embarrassing.

"You've got a nice house," he heard Annie say. He could feel his ears perk up a little and his tail start to wag. "Thanks, uh, Hughie's staying in the room upstairs by the way, first door, right across mine," Half-Hound adds, turning his head to her and gesturing upstairs. "You know, I gotta ask, why get such a big house with so many rooms, if it's just-" she gestures at him with her hands "-you?". Half-Hound takes s few seconds to reply. "It's like my house back in Malaysia, 2 stories, 4 rooms. That's the only similarity they share though,". Annie smiled. "Do you miss it?" "Sometimes, but I left when I was around 16 to 17 to be a hero, so I can't really complain, hah," it's a fake chuckle he lets out. Annie picks up on it easily. "Well at least you're not caught up with Homelander directly," she groans, attempting to change the subject. "True, Im not. It's gotta be exhausting, right, how do you deal?" He smirks. Annie rolls her eyes, making an annoyed expression. "Ugh, like you won't fucking believe,"

It's been only a nearly two days, but hearing him laugh again felt like rain after a draught. The laughing was never with him, nor were the amused and exaggerated looks or strange over the top gestures. He wishes it was though, in some deep hidden part inside him, not like he'd ever admit it. He watches the sway of his wagging tail as he laughs and chats away with Annie. How his canines show when he laughs, and the subtle but more obvious expansion of his pupils while talking about something he particularly likes.

It's those same things he noticed when they first met. Though the first thing he heard him say was-

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

One of them exclaims, seeing the, known dead, Soldier Boy, in the flesh, in front of him. Soldier Boy watches as the boy turns to the man, Butcher. He saw his tail straighten and the stripe of fur on part of his neck stand upright. "You didn't tell me he was fuckin alive?! Nor that he was our WEAPON!" He barks, his teeth out on full display, an instinctual move to show, aggression, in this situation. When he turns back to look at him, Soldier Boy sees his ears drop slightly, looking embarrassed and skittish at the sight of him, his eyes looking him up and down for a fraction of a second. "Sorry, I forgot to mention it to ya, mate," Butcher says, patting the other on the shoulder. Half-Hound turns away, rolling his eyes. "You-you go deal with whatever you have to deal with, I will be a safe distance away,". He later recalls thinking how good of an idea that was, considering what happened later.

He would later come to know the boy, as Half-Hound. A D-list hero some how caught up with killing this Homelander guy. His first impressions of him were simple. He was a skittish, sometimes brash, guy. Though really only brash and rude with Butcher, he got along well with Hughie.

"You know, I thought fags were all girly and shit," he stated, causing Half-Hound to give him a look of disgust. "What the fuck man, how'd you even figure out I liked men?" Soldier Boy laughed. "I saw you eyein' me up the first time we met,". He saw his ear twitch for the first time then. "Don't call me a fag, you can't just say that shit, it's not the olden times no more," he growls. "Easy there, doggy," He puts his hands up in a mocking gesture of submission. He liked this one.

[More Soldier Boy having gay ass thoughts abt Half-Hound]

[Insert random outing they have to go for before the Herogasm happens]

-

Meanwhile, Homelander sits in his house. There's this feeling in his gut, it's an annoying feeling. People say that love feels like nervousness, butterflies in your stomach! If that's true, he's either been hit with some mutated love bug or some sick supe only illness. All over some skittish, and some what brash, low tier, no name hero who spends all his time searching for people. No one has ever declined the offer to join The Seven! No one! Except that stupid fucking mutt! Does he think he's better than them? Hah! Better than the best? He must be delusional!

Remembering the wild animal like eyes of his flash when he started arguing about the violence stuff, Homelander felt his heart skip a beat. He liked it, how though Half-Hound was afraid, and cautious, he could see the slight shine of his canines. He had big teeth, he remembers. Not like dog teeth, like wolf teeth, or some crazy big wolf thing. His heart leaped again. He wants to see those teeth put to work, covered in blood on gore of some poor sad sap in the woods. Why choose to just run around playing hide and seek with humans, when he could be better? When he could show them what it means to piss off a rabid dog who has the teeth to put them into a torturous mutilated state? He definitely was like no other, truly, he felt like he just needed a push. A push to his true potential! He just doesn't realise it yet.

It's not love he's feeling, no. It's foresight, or something of the sort... Prophecy! It's a prophecy! Half-Hound simply needs a bit of prodding before he reaches his true destiny! After all, he's the perfect mad dog to use to keep people in line in case anything happens to Noir! It's great, it's wonderful! It's perfect! It makes sense after all, those stories with mythical gods always had some sort of prophecy in its tales right? It made sense he'd get one too, he's a god! America's homegrown god!

[thefamilyeldritchabomination]

Short Story: Midsummer Pt. 3

 “Greed, when did you manage to get one of those portable televisions?” Envy asked, surprised that Greed was able to get his hands on something that nice before they could. “Got it last week, I got stupid lucky during my jog around the town and saw it right there in the packaging still.” Greed grinned widely as he showed off his stolen little pride and joy as the awful Lions enjoyed watching some gruesome cartoon.

 “Great so you stole it? I thought you turned a new leaf with the circus.” Freddy asked as he pieced the true meaning rather quickly. “Well yeah, it was out in the open at the warehouse. It was begging to come home with me and the troupe. It’s been a very well loved member ever since, we call ‘em ‘Scarlett’.” Greed puffed his chest out proudly at the theft and the name chosen for the stolen product. “You name your things now?” Freddy raised a wrinkled brow that Greed was copying the Mancer tradition. “What can I say? When you named that death trap car ‘Gherkin’, I sorta decided to try that myself with all my stuff. Gotta say, I really enjoy it.” Greed grinned widely upon bringing back the dreadful green truck from Freddy’s past.

 “I’ll have you know Gherkin was a very fine truck.” Freddy was still mad about the destruction of the rusted death trap called ‘Gherkin’.

 “Freddy no, that truck was horrifying to be on.” Dolly had a flashback moment of being on that horrific vehicle all those decades ago. “Face Fur, no it wasn’t, that thing nearly took off our heads when the roof flew off.” Envy wrinkled their nose in disgust over that hideous car and how horrible that ride was. “Envy, I'm like a hundred and one years old and I can proudly say my memories of that car are spotless.” Freddy grumped a bit, remembering that ‘beloved’ green truck that apparently brought joy.

 “Good for you, you’re no longer a little toddler bitch compared to my long existence, we all still remember that nightmare when it spontaneously exploded.” Envy snarkily responded as the train pulled over at the first stop in the journey.

 “It wouldn’t have exploded if you weren’t behind the wheels.” Freddy grumped and huffed at what Envy said, remembering Gherkin through rose tinted glasses. 

 “Excuse me? I’ll have you know that I’m THE best driver of this entire group. It was more or less you having an absolute lemon of a car that was a hazard from the start.” Envy narrowed their horrid little reptile eyes right at Freddy as they tore into him about the car and the audacity of being accused of being a bad driver.

 “Guys shut up, we’re reaching the first stop!” Greed raised his voice, grabbing his things, getting ready to transfer to the next train for the final destination.

 As the train came to its stop at the next station, the entire Mancer clan started to disembark for the next train to Resembool. Sure, back in the day it was just a nice single ride to the rural village, but as things changed over time, especially once Central was declared uninhabitable and the mainstation there was no longer an option, new rails were set in place amongst other things. Sure the planes have made things a breeze in recent times, but to Dolly and to an extent, Dorian, trains were the only things to trust to not implode thousands of feet up into the air. Envy grumbled a bit, finding the whole changing trains a nuisance as something caught their little eyes on the over looking television by the drinks stand. At first, it didn’t seem like anything at first, just some ‘oh no, some campers spotted bigfoot by the outhouse’ spiel on some garbage show, until he came into frame. The entire interview on the television was interrupted when the host of the program was grabbed up by some horrible, prehensile tail covered in scales as the host got shoved into the maul of what looked like Hohenheim's face grafted onto the chest of an abomination. At first, Envy smirked watching the broadcasted display of violence on the television, happily knowing the suffering Hohenheim was enduring before realizing one very important problem: Hohenheim was back and in Resembool now. 

 “Wayfarer, what’s wrong?” Dolly asked as her eyes followed towards the screen Envy was watching before looking disgusted.

 “Damn….Hohenheim has seen better days..maybe a bee makeover is in order.” Dorian commented as he peaked his little green lion head out of the cat carrier.

 “Worse…the bastard is in Resembool too.” Envy stated as they just watched the television in morbid amusement at the suffering Hohenheim was going through. “I’m gonna call up one of the Elrics then to give the heads up..” Freddy wrinkled his eyebrowless forehead, starting to make that trip to the pay phone.

 “Good call Facefur, good call.” Ernest muttered watching the television now too in shock. “Dude, you made a pun!” Dorian pointed on as he poked the absolutely horrifying weapon of mass destruction known as Big Brother Ernest. “Oh gods I did! I’m weirded out from this! That fucker should’ve died from exposure!” Ernest covered his face in embarrassment, the clicking of the bottle cap chain vest rattling as he moved. 

 “What’s going on now?” Greed asked, annoyed that he had to stop on the progress of reaching the next train.

 “Hohenheim evolved into that ugly thing on the television.” Envy simply answers as blurred images of Hohenheim are being shown on screen, clearly the camera person is fleeing for dear life from the horror that is draconic Hohenheim.

 “...Damn…though this is an improvement from the flesh stealing rotted skeleton he was earlier.” Greed was impressed with the huge design shift on Hohenheim, debating if he could capture that thing for the circus. 

 “Guys, I’m going to be taking Carmilla to the restroom, is there a place we’re meeting back up at?” Lust had arrived with Carmilla on the toddler lead and Gluttony closeby as she noticed the group looking on in horror and awe on the television, “Is that Hohenheim? I thought he died during Yule.”

 “I know, apparently the man offended the gods or something cause he just won’t stay dead.” Dolly said as Hohenheim unfortunately caught the fleeing camera person finally for a chow down.

 “Do we even continue on with Resembool at this point? I mean Hohenheim is clearly loose and they’ll likely close off the location until something is done.” Lust asked as she pretty much knew just how bad this was turning out for the group. 

 “We continue on with the Resembool vacation, train or no train.” Envy made the unilateral decision for the entire family group without anyone elses’ objections.

 “Envy, you know I can’t teleport the entire family like that without basically getting a ticket to the lemon filled void like before.” Dolly gave Envy that very pleading look of not having to do a massive group teleportation.

 “No need for it, I got the perfect solution!” Greed butted in, his eyes full of dollar signs at the idea of capturing Hohenheim for the circus.

 “What’s the solution?” Gluttony asked before Lust had to grill into Greed, the years of being around them had conditioned Gluttony to intervene before a fight broke out.

 “I know a guy here in town that can fix us up a nice rental deal on vans on short notice.” Greed grinned widely as the words leaked from his mouth like an overflowing faucet. “Otherwise known as blackmailing. Also back from the payphone, Edward said that the town is going into lock down until further notice.” Freddy interjected, annoyed with how this vacation was turning out to be.

 “Okay, this is fine, we can work something out in the meantime with the family. The town is known for its circus museum, right? We can take a detour there until the vans are ready.” Dolly planned, needing to keep things from boiling over from the sudden change as well as the fact Hohenheim was now a man eating monstrosity. 

 “That is true and I’ve heard some pretty good things about that museum too, but be wary of Greed, Dolly. He’s up to something and I don’t want the entire family in Resembool right now.” Lust advised since Envy wouldn’t be much help in the situation as they only had murder in their brain. 

 “Okay, let’s gather the family right away to discuss the plan changes.” Dolly compromised as she agreed on that sentiment, the entire Mancer family shouldn’t be dragged into a dangerzone. 

 “But Hohenheim is loose!” Envy started to protest, wanting to watch more of the destruction on television being replayed.

 “Envy, this town has an alchemy store I can go to to make that clay construct. You want that, don’t you?” Freddy had no more fucks to give as he drew out the key compromise to get Envy on board to stay a bit in the town until a plan can be formed.

 Envy puttered and hummed before finally agreeing to the arrangement Face Fur Fred had offered to them. Never in Envy’s long existence had they ever agreed to what some flesh bag human offered, let alone something that’s been a thorn on Envy’s side. Times truly had changed Envy, much to their disapproval. Oh well, Envy had won, they’re getting that awful clay construct they’ve wanted and that was all that mattered. Freddy could only mentally smirk at himself since he did have that awful plan of making a living embodiment of a glitter bomb as a form of revenge for Gherkin. With that settled, the massive Mancer family that would put rabbits to shame, gathered at the lobby to go over the change of plan and started calling about booking a hotel on short notice. While the entire family was distracted with last minute bookings, concerns for the elderly Elric family, and gods forbid, a bored Envy, Freddy slipped away to do the shopping for that horrible, awful clay construct to piss Envy off with. The town was busy as old man Freddy wandered about on the old cobblestone sidewalks, his eyes soon catching a sign for an alchemy supply store. What an excellent encounter that Freddy thought to himself as he entered the shop, looking for what could be the most obnoxiously sparkling materials he could use.

=======================================================================

 Deep in the woods of Resembool, Hohenheim roamed sluggishly after gorging himself on the flesh of the film crew and host. It had been a long trip down to the rural village, but it had been worth it. Warmth, food, and now a shelter as Hohenheim entered the cavern to sleep off the feast he had moments ago. Resembool truly was the best pick for the unholy abomination and mockery against alchemy to live in, truly a superb choice in location as the cold cavern floor rested up against the scaly hide of Hohenheim. As Hohenheim rested beneath the earth, troops started to roll in by the droves to hunt down the amalgamated flesh of horror lead by Major Reese Mustang, his cold brown eyes gazing about the landscape. Reese had inherited a lot of his grandmother Riza’s disposition and his grandfather Roy’s determination as he ordered a proper sweep of the location for any signs of the wretched creature with a taste for human flesh. 

[real-total-drama-takes]

https://www.tumblr.com/real-total-drama-takes/729654878790664192/random-but-some-people-take-the-ew-campers-shit?source=share

I'm gonna regret starting discourse about this but I think it's canon that a lot of people actually use the confessional as an actual outhouse. I'm really going off the A) the jokes about characters actually using it as a restroom and B) MK getting voted off because what Julia said.

All that said, I think most of the time, the characters cover up the camera. I say that because of a scene in the finale of the reboot where Ripper flat out says he's only using it to poop and covers up the camera. And this RIPPER of all people saying that. Ripper's the one who said he shouldn't have gone to jail for pooping in a stranger's purse on a bus.

But like you said, anon. This is a cartoon. So I'm most likely taking this too seriously.

.

[adamwatchesmovies]

American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt (1989)

While I didn't enjoy this film, that doesn't mean you won't. No matter what I say, the people involved in this project did it: they actually made a movie. That's something to be applauded. With that established...

Let me preface my review of American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt by saying that I have seen the first in the series, but not the second. Is it possible that I missed something along the way, that I would recognize this as a masterpiece if I had seen each instalment in the franchise? No. The connection between this film and the other so thin it's barely worth noting. Even if it featured characters you cared about, the performances are appalling, the action scenes laborious & badly choreographed, the plot idiotic and the camera work amateurish. You’ll struggle to stay awake.

Martial artists Sean Davidson (David Bradley), Curtis Jackson (Steve James, reprising his role once more) and Dexter (Evan J. Klisser) learn of a powerful terrorist known as “The Cobra” (Marjoe Gortner). He plans on selling a new super virus to the highest bidder. To prove its effectiveness to the sceptical General Andreas (Yehuda Efroni), "The Cobra" infects Sean. Now, time is running out for him... and the world.

We’re scraping the bottom of the outhouse with this plot. "The Cobra” is finalizing his deadly virus because General Andreas doesn’t understand how biological warfare exists, he demands to see its effectiveness. What better way to prove your weapon will kill anyone and everyone who gets infected than by using it to kill the greatest martial arts fighter on Earth? Of course, that begs the question. How do you determine who the greatest warrior is? By throwing an endless amount of cartoon ninjas - the kind who always dress in black and insist on wielding medieval weapons against potential fighters - against a bunch of guys participating in a nearby martial arts tournament. Whoever beats the most gets the title, I guess.

Even if the set up made sense, the execution is awful. Most of the dialogue is dubbed over, probably because the original actors were either barely intelligible thanks to their accents, or so awful even shoddy filmmaker Cedric Sundstrom cringed. It makes you wonder what their performances were because nobody is convincing. Not when they’re following the script and certainly not when they’re improvising dialogue on the fly.

If at least the action scenes were good, but they aren’t. There’s no tension or excitement as our three heroes casually bat away black-clad morons in broad daylight. They’re so unconcerned with their opponents our heroes don’t even bother to hold onto the weapons they grab to defeat them. The camera always seems positioned at the wrong angle, or slightly too far, making you wonder if this wasn’t everyone’s first foray into motion pictures. It’s improved none by the climax, which features that trademark ninja magic courtesy of Chan Lee (Michele Chan), who comes in, solves every problem at the last second and makes you wonder why anyone bothered.

There’s something exhausting about a plot that only continues because the villains are too stupid or too stubborn to pick up a gun. The “who cares?” story, the flat characters and the general lack of ambition will have you pining for the good old days of American Ninja, and not because Michael Dudikoff is gone. The only good scene in American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt (what does that title have to do with anything?) features a small plane landing on a moving flatbed truck. It’s got nothing to do with martial arts, but that’s some damn good flying. (On VHS, May 27, 2018)

[crohnsawarenessproject]

‘One Ring’ August 16th, 2022 #onering © Outhouse Cartoons/C.A.P 2022

Last week the day we’ve been waiting for all year finally came to be. My surgery wasn’t supposed to be until September/October but two weeks ago, I was woken by a call from my surgeon telling me that I’d been scheduled right away. At first, I was rather freaked out. We had all these plans to throw my pre-ileostomy body a going away party but the disappointment of fallen plans quickly changed into the hopes for a better life. We immediately hit the ground running. Within a day we were out to see my new Ostomy nurse while getting pre-op bloodwork done. The nurse ran us through a bunch of the basics of life with a bag, giving us a general idea of what was to come. He even sent us home with some sample bags.

I wanted to really get a feel for what I was in for, so I decided to wear one of the bags for 48hrs. Through the day and through the night, I even went and ran errands with it. It was a good primer but not quite the same. It was an empty bag that could only partially simulate what my ileostomy would be like but it was enough to stop some worries. My wife and I also made sure to do a lot of research, choosing not to let others tell us ALL the ins and outs. This made it easier to come up with questions to ask at my first post-op appointment. For the rest of the week my wife would treat me to every craving I could think of! You name it, pizza (artisan), carnitas, steak, ice cream; if I wanted it, she got it for me.

When Tuesday came, I was as prepared as I was ever going to be going through the second major surgery of my life. As these things tend to be, my surgery was bumped by about an hour and a half. Someone in need of an emergency surgery jumped ahead of me but that was okay. I just had to stay out of my head, at that point, alone in the pre-op waiting room. At least they let you keep your phone with you so I was in constant contact with my wife up until the last moment. Once in the OR room the surgeons joked that it was a crowded affair. I was getting a lot of work done with two surgeons working on me simultaneously. I had some laughs with the lovely staff before they put me under and before long I was awake with my new buddy, Shawn. My stoma.

Those who follow me may remember that I call my guts, Gus, after a character in one of my favourite shows called Psych. So I thought it only fitting to name my stoma, Shawn, his partner in crime from the show. Now Shawn & Gus are back together, friends for life.

The first night was decently rough but honestly, I think it wasn’t anything like my first resection. I was off of the button morphine within 24hrs and stopped hydromorphone within 56hrs. I was out of the hospital and back home on day 4. I was up on my feet walking around the house the next day. Another day later I made it out of the house for a quick spell. My energy levels have been growing and it’s been getting much easier to walk & stand up straight. A lot of people were rather surprised with this and, to be honest, I was one of them. But it all came down to the fact that this time around I was the lucky guy who ended up with one of the leading surgeons in the province for non-invasive surgical techniques. They actually pulled all of my colon out through my rectum, having only two laparoscopic points of entry on my stomach. One atop my stoma, the other inside my belly button. It’s really the barbie butt that is causing me to slow down and make sure to not over do it.

My speedier recovery can also be attributed to my amazing wife. Helping to make sure I have what I need but also making sure that I don’t push myself too hard as I tend to do. I’m not a fan of being looked after, so it takes a lot of strength and willpower to not just do everything myself. It’s because of this that I know I will get through this stage without many issues. We are a team and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Have you had IBD/Ostomy surgery? How did it go for you? What were your experiences? Tell us in the comments below.

[victusinveritas]

"Sgt. Flakbaite" flying outhouse. [Cartoon by Sgt. J. K. Macken]

[snotmovie]

This week's B-movie poster comes from 1955's "It Came From Beneath the Sea!" Directed by Robert Gordon with stop motion special effects by the great Ray Harryhausen! If you know the name of the artist that made this, please let everyone know in the comments!

[cowmanadventures]

Cowman meets the Cattleman....

[earthtoplanet]

In or out?

[outhouse-cartoons]

Here’re The Boondock Saints from last night’s stream!

Follow me on Twitch at https://www.twitch.tv/outhousecartoons

[stephenprice]

Usually, I break this one out around Halloween, but “When in Rome...” #tp #toiletpaper #toiletpapercrisis #stayathome #stayhome #shelterinplace #cartoon #comic #monster #mummy #frankenstein #outhouse #covid_19 #coronavirusmemes😂😂😂 #covid https://www.instagram.com/p/B-mer1phoKv/?igshid=1tq9wxa5taavc

[90memories]

Buildings located in Bikini Bottom: Part 2

[nerdythebard]

#30: Conan the Cimmerian [Conan/Marvel]

This little gem comes to us courtesy of @dionysus-liber, a long-time reader who thought to give me a challenge. Hah, I never back off, my friend. Not even the great Conan can make me refuse a D&D build. Actually, fun fact: one of the first cartoons I remember watching as a kid was the 1992 Conan the Adventurer (released in Poland in '97), so I do have some connection to the character. By Crom, let's do this!

Next Time: We honour the spooky season with the most famous witch of them all... at least to me and my people.

Now, let's see what do we need for this absolute unit of a man:

The Power of Unconstrained Birthday Suit: Although Conan sometimes does wear armour, he easily shrugs off attacks with just his pecs and pure determination.

Brains & Brawn: Although movies like to diminish his intellect, Conan is actually a pretty smart fella. He's a good tactician and strategist, and he learned quite a lot during his travels.

Built Like a Brick Outhouse: Howard mentions very often that there is practically nobody that can defeat Conan in combat. His strength is also mentioned frequently and he's known to have a talent for climbing.

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No matter where he's shown, Conan is a human, but we're gonna go a different route; for a powerful, muscle-bound combatant, we're gonna make Conan a Goliath. We get a +2 Strength and +1 Constitution, proficiency in the Athletics skill, resistance to cold damage, and we count as one size larger when determining the capacity of lifting and carrying. Thanks to Stone's Endurance, we can occasionally shrug off injuries; once per short or long rest, when we take damage, we can roll [1d12 + our Constitution modifier] and reduce the damage by that total.

Although Conan becomes a king in later stories, he's mostly a wanderer in search for wealth and adventure. For that, we shall make him a Folk Hero. We gain proficiency in Animal Handling and Survival skills, proficiencies with land vehicles and one type of artisan's tools (perhaps Smith's Tools, to honour Conan's father?), and we gain the Rustic Hospitality feature. Because of our fame and reputation, the common folk might show us some kindness. We might be able to get a meal and lodging, or perhaps hide from danger or the law. Just take everything in moderation, these are not slaves or your subjects.

ABILITY SCORES

Constitution will be our main focus, here; Conan can shrug off a lot of damage with minimal protection. Strength is next, with great muscle comes the ability to do great harm. Follow that up with Wisdom, we hit hard but we also know where to hit to hurt even more.

Dexterity will be next, some things you cannot just take head-first; you gotta dodge them. Intelligence on the lower end, let's say that his Wisdom is the actual application of his strategic mind and that's what he focused on. We'll dumping Charisma, while he undoubtedly is popular with women, it's been stated he's a pretty bad liar and a lousy diplomat.

CLASS

Level 1 - Barbarian: I mean... what did you expect? It's in the bloody name!

Barbarians get a d12 as their Hit Dice, [12 + our Constitution modifier] initial Hit Points, proficiencies in light armour, medium armour, shields, simple weapons, and martial weapons. Our saving throws are Strength and Constitution and we get to pick two class skills (Intimidation and Perception).

Barbarians start with the power of their birthday suit. Unarmoured Defence makes our AC [10 + our Dexterity modifier + our Constitution modifier] as long as we're not wearing armour. We can, however, wear a shield and still retain the benefit. We also get the Barbarian's signature ability - Rage. For 1 minute we gain the following benefits:

We have an advantage on Strength-related checks and saving throws

When we make a melee weapon attack that uses Strength, we gain a +2 bonus to our damage roll (the bonus increases as we level up)

We have resistance to bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage.

While raging, we cannot cast spells. We can rage a limited number of times (2 at the start) and we regain them once we complete a long rest.

Level 2 - Barbarian: We gain Reckless Attack. When we first attack during our turn, we can choose to make it a reckless strike. Doing so gives us an advantage on that melee attack that uses Strength, but until our next turn, all attacks made against us also have an advantage. With our Danger Sense, we have an advantage on Dexterity saving throws against hazards we can see, such as traps and spells. We cannot be blinded, deafened, or incapacitated to use this.

Level 3 - Barbarian: At this point, we can Rage three times per long rest. We also get to pick our subclass, our Primal Path, and although he makes sure nobody sees him doing it, Conan makes sacrifices to Crom, making him take Path of the Zealot. With Divine Fury, we can channel Crom's fury into our weapon strikes. While we're raging, the creature we hit first on each of our turns with our weapon attack takes extra [1d6 + half of our Barbarian level rounded down] damage of our choice (radiant or necrotic). As the Warrior of the Gods, if we're brought back to life using spells such as Raise Dead or Revivify, the caster does not need material components to cast the spell on us.

Level 4 - Barbarian: Time for our first Ability Score Improvement. However, we are going to take the Tough feat here, to get our damage-soaking abilities even further into greatness. Our Hit Points Maximum increased by [our current Barbarian level x2] and whenever we level up, we now increase our Hit Points by 2 extra points.

Level 5 - Fighter: We're going to move into some more careful combat class. Fighters begin with choosing their Fighting Style and we're going to go with Unarmed Fighting in case somebody actually manages to disarm us. This style lets us deal [1d6 + our Strength modifier] bludgeoning damage with our unarmed strikes (instead of 1 + Strength) and if we strike with two empty hands the d6 becomes a d8. Additionally, if we grapple a creature, we can deal 1d4 bludgeoning damage at the start of each of our turns.

With Second Wind, we can use a bonus action to heal [1d10 + our Fighter level] Hit Points once per short or long rest.

Level 6 - Fighter: With Action Surge, we can now take one additional Action on our turn, once per short or long rest.

Level 7 - Fighter: Now we get to pick our subclass, our Martial Archetype. And to pay homage to Conan's strategic thinking, we're gonna go with the Battle Master. We get to pick a proficiency with another artisan's tools (let's get Brewer's Supplies to make our own ale)

Battle Masters' Combat Superiority gives them access to Superiority Die, which are used to fuel various abilities. We start with 4d8 Superiority Dice (which recharge after a short or long rest), and we can pick three Manoeuvres:

Commander's Strike lets us spend one Superiority Die to forgo one of our attacks and instead let our ally make a weapon attack immediately.

Menacing Attack lets us spend one Superiority Die right after the attack to attempt to intimidate the target. We add the SD result to our damage roll, and the target must make a Wisdom saving throw or be frightened of us until the end of our next turn.

Pushing Attack lets us spend one Superiority Die to attempt to drive the target back. We add the SD result to our damage roll, and the target must make a Strength saving throw (if they're the size Large or smaller), or be pushed from us up to 15 feet.

Level 8 - Fighter: Time for another ASI! This time, we're going to increase our Dexterity by 2 for better unarmoured AC and eventual range damage.

Level 9 - Fighter: We get our first Extra Attack. Now, whenever we make an Attack action, we can strike twice instead of once.

Level 10 - Fighter: Halfway through the build, and we get another ASI (yes, Fighters get a lot of these). Let's get our Constitution up by 2 points for even more of those delicious Hit Points!

Level 11 - Fighter: Now we get some good stuff from our subclass. First, we get another Superiority Die to roll around. Next, thanks to Know Your Enemy, we can learn some useful information about a creature if we observe it for at least 1 minute. Finally, we get two additional manoeuvrers of our choice:

Quick Toss lets us use a Superiority Die and make a thrown weapon attack as a bonus action. As a part of this bonus action we can also draw the weapon (I'd allow, for example, picking it from a fallen enemy). If we hit the target, we add the SD to the damage roll.

Tactical Assessment lets us roll 1 Superiority Die and add the score to an Insight, Investigation, or History check that we make. Level 12 - Fighter: We get the Indomitable feat. Twice per long rest, we can re-roll a failed saving throw. We must, however, use the new roll, even if it's the same or worse.

Level 12 - Fighter: Time for another ASI. Let's cap our Constitution to a nice, powerful 20.

Level 13 - Fighter: We get the Indomitable feat. Once per a long rest, we can re-roll a failed saving throw. We have to use the new result, even if it's worse than the first one.

Level 14 - Fighter: Thanks to the Improved Combat Superiority our Superiority Dice change from d8 to d10. We also get two more manoeuvrers:

Disarming Attack lets us spend 1 Superiority Die and force a Strength saving throw upon the target. On a failed save, the target drops one object (our choice) that they are holding. Additionally, we add the SD roll to our weapon damage roll.

Evasive Footwork lets us spend 1 Superiority Die when we're moving and add the result to our AC until we stop moving.

Level 15 - Fighter: Our Extra Attack improves. We can now strike three times during one Attack action.

Level 16 - Fighter: Time for another ASI! Let's raise our Wisdom and Charisma for this one, to slowly get rid of the negative modifiers.

Level 17 - Fighter: We can use our Indomitable feature twice per long rest.

Level 18 - Fighter: One more ASI for the road. Let's get two more points into Dexterity for better AC.

Level 19 - Fighter: We gain another Superiority Die. Additionally, thanks to Relentless, if we have no SD when rolling Initiative, we gain 1 SD. Finally, we get two more manoeuvrers:

Riposte uses the chance when our enemy misses their attack. We can use a reaction to spend a Superiority Die and make a melee weapon attack. On a successful hit, we add the SD to our damage roll.

Grappling Attack lets us attempt to restrain a target once we successfully make a melee weapon attack. We add our SD score to the Athletics check required for the grapple.

Level 20 - Fighter: One last ASI of the build. Since we don't have much more to do, let's just remove the negative modifier on our Charisma.

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And that's Conan. The Barbarian. The Destroyer. The Cimmerian. Let's see how we did:

First of all, we're an absolute powerhouse of a tank. We can take damage when we eat, when we sleep, when we plough... Basically, we can punch stuff and take extra Punchables. With multiple manoeuvrers we can also manipulate our allies around the battlefield.

We have the Unarmoured AC of 18, +3 to our Initiative, and an average whopping HP of 246.

Unfortunately, our Charisma is not great. Considering it's the most used saving throw, we might have some trouble when dealing with it. Additionally, we have a Superiority Die resource to manage.

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That... was... a nightmare. And I'm not talking about a request, that was pretty nice. No, the issues I had with Tumblr when doing it made it a Sisyphean labour. If I lost track somewhere and the build has errors, please forgive me. think I need to take a break or figure our a method to to these more efficiently. Thank you for your patience, darlings, but for now

- Nerdy out!

[edwhiteandblue]

Patch of the Day: ISS Orbital Outhouse Team

The Waste and Hygiene Compartment was delivered to the International Space Station in November of 2008 onboard STS-126. It is more commonly known as the “space toilet.”

Designed by the Waste and Hygiene Compartment team in Huntsville, Alabama

Depicts cartoon astronaut brining toilet paper to old-fashioned wooden outhouse

Outhouse is perched atop an ISS solar array

Crescent on the moon is reminiscent of old outhouses and further portrays the space theme

Top wooden sign on the outhouse reads “WHC” for “Waste and Hygiene Compartment”

Bottom wooden sign on the outhouse reads “АСУиК” because it was built from the Russian ACY-K system

Eight white stars in the black space background

Station and team names in black capital letters against a yellow background with red inner trim and dark red outer trim

This patch can be purchased on thespacestore.com