#overcomingabuse

[tirose]

Some words about myself.

warning: some non-graphic mentions about violence and sexual abuse

I don't know if I want to leave this story here or delete it again, as I have done so many times before. I still think I am exaggerating, that it happens to almost everyone, and that I shouldn't make such a fuss. But it's time to find my voice and share my story—not just for myself, but also for those who might find themselves in my words. My parents always said I had such a great home because they weren't alcoholics. I don't know if that made it worse or better. If I had such great parents, what kind of terrible child must I have been to deserve what they did to me?

Even today, it's hard for me to write this. I still feel so ashamed. Everything was my fault. That my mother dragged me by my hair into the bathroom in the morning from the age of 5, screamed at me, then laughed mockingly and said it made her furious because I had such a stupid look on my face.

That she occasionally reminded me I might be dumb, but it was my luck that I was so pretty because then I might be able to marry a rich man one day.

That when I was 13 and on vacation, I was groped by several men (which was incredibly frightening), and afterward, my father remained angrily silent, and my mother explained that he was ashamed because of me (my trauma and the fact that I couldn't let anyone touch me for a while afterward obviously didn't matter to them).

That my father still beat me so hard on my bare skin when I was already a teenager (he checked my room every day to see if it was tidy) that I had cuts and bruises.

That when I was 15, he yelled at me for minutes in a car in a parking lot, saying he would kill me, just because I wanted to go to the beach with my best friend. Since my father threatened to kill me, I always locked my bedroom door at night. I truly lived in that fear for years. Home was not a safe place for me.

I was so ashamed of my home life. My parents didn't have much money. My father was a simple worker (and looked the part), and my mother was constantly sick in bed. Without wanting to offend her, I believe she had Munchausen syndrome. As a child, I was always afraid she had a severe, undiagnosed illness and would die soon. We lived in a really old, rundown house. I visited it a few months ago, and now other people live there. From an adult perspective, I'm shocked at how terrible and poor it actually looked. But as a child, I didn't notice it that much.

I used to love being at the home of my few friends and always tried to be especially polite and impress their parents. I fantasized that maybe someone would adopt me or that my mother would at least divorce my hot-tempered father. Of course, neither happened.

In elementary school, I was a really sweet girl and wanted to please everyone. When I got to middle school, I started to become really rebellious. I had trouble organizing myself and keeping up with my classes. I think the teachers didn't like me much either because my family wasn't that great. If my father was angry about something, he would also yell at and threaten other people. It was so awful, and I was always incredibly embarrassed that he couldn't control himself, even outside the house.

I wanted to have a boyfriend quite early and was very fixated on boys. I think I was constantly searching for validation and appreciation, which I never got at home. Since puberty, I flirted a lot, but paradoxically, I was always afraid of getting close to a boy; otherwise, I probably would have gotten pregnant early. I was a real flirt but I think I just wanted to be seen and loved.

I have to add that, unfortunately, I experienced an additional trauma at the age of 6. A man jerked himself off in front of me. He was talking in a strange way while doing it. I was alone, and it terrified me. I was completely beside myself afterward because I didn't understand what had happened. I thought the man was insane, in the sense of being mentally ill (which isn't entirely far-fetched). To this day, I don't know how much that event affected me. I often think it wasn't that bad because other people experience much worse. I wasn't even touched, just threatened from what he said. Maybe I'm just overreacting.

In any case, my performance in school declined significantly. The older I got, the more I realized how sick everything at home was. I withdrew more and more into my room and felt anxiety and dread whenever my father came home from work. He eventually got fired, and from then on, I had no peace at home. He often beat me with objects (I lived in daily fear that it would happen), screamed at me, and threatened me.

Sometimes his attacks were so absurd. We were in the kitchen, and I suggested to my father that I help him with his job search. He totally lost it at that moment and, because he was standing by the fridge, threw eggs at me. I once told this story at the university where I study, and I laughed while everyone else just looked shocked and didn't think it was funny at all.

I once ran away from home and had to stay overnight at a classmate's house because I was so afraid of my abusive father. Honestly, I felt so pathetic about it.

She was a bit edgy and knew early on that she was bisexual. Today, people would probably call her Emo or something similar.

Anyway, we slept in the same bed, and she initiated sex. Out of guilt, I went along with it. Pathetic, as I said. Why did I do such things?

Afterward, I was just as confused as I was after the experience of being sexually abused (and I’m not saying it was a assault, it really wasn't. I consent to do it. But it caused the same sexual confusion in my mind).

From the age of about 17 constantly maneuvered myself into such strange and risky situations. I was like a loose cannon, which culminated in me prostituting myself twice "for fun." I felt like I finally had power over a man, and it somehow turned me on.

There was also a situation where I was raped (I consent in having sex but there was a certain kind of practice he forced upon me. I am not going into details). I cried. My mother found out, and I remember how she blamed me, saying it was my fault. Why would I always put myself in such situations? Of course, I didn't report it.

I got married early and divorced early. My husband strangled me multiple times. My mother had nothing to say but, "What did you do to make him do that to you?"

Fortunately, I had the strength to leave him before the kids got old enough to see those things or before it got worse.

I only really felt good after going no contact with my parents two years ago, but it hurts me a lot that I don't and didn't have the parents I so desperately needed and that my children don't have grandparents. It is a great and painful loss and not a day passes without me thinking about it.

Otherwise, I think I lead a much better life than my parents did, and I do everything I can to make sure my children don't go through the same shit. This also requires a lot of work on myself, including going no contact with my parents.

I still have problems with my self-confidence and immediately doubt myself when people "don't like" me (or are just neutral towards me). I am also very hesistant to throw myself into a new relationship and even though lots of men find me attractive, I am scared of them getting to know me. I am ashamed about going no contact with my parents and wouldn't want to explain to a love interest why that is. I think I deep down also have the idea (sorry to any male readers) of most men generally being dangerous and are not to be trusted.

I also really turned into an introvert and have not much of a social life left since I have kids. I really think I just look good and otherwise there is not much to it. I really don't think much of myself. Like why would someone enjoy being with me?

The story of JJ Maybank somehow reminded me of my own. It's probably the only aspect of the series that was realistically portrayed. It triggered me a lot to watch it, and made me remember lots of things from my own past. That's probably why I am so obsessed about JJ Maybank's story.

I also think I involuntarily use projection as a healing tool. I am easily drawn into abuse stories. But I am trying to break this mechanism and to see my own story more, if that makes sense.

[storytellerslense]

I've updated the video because I wasn't really happy with the old version. It's still far from perfect but I hope you like it.

[darkobssessions]

I've stopped panicking that I have to make it otherwise I go back to that.

I'm not going back to that.

SAY IT WITH ME.

[mjaimesserrano]

Happy Wintery Thursday

Photo by Viktor Mogilat on Pexels.com Good morning all, and a very happy Thursday to you. It is cold where I am, so I am sending warm thoughts to those who need them. But if you are like some of our readers and it is summer where you are, besides being jealous of your warmth right now, I am sending you some of our cold air to refresh your day. No matter where you are or what the weather is, I…

[theembcnetwork]

Surviving the Shadows, Breaking the Silence: Navigating Narcissistic Abuse with Dana S. Diaz from THE EMBC NETWORK on Vimeo.

In this compelling video, join Dana S. Diaz, a devoted wife, loving mother, and renowned author of the best-selling book, "GASPING FOR AIR: THE STRANGLEHOLD OF NARCISSISTIC ABUSE". Having endured narcissistic abuse throughout her entire life, Dana's firsthand experiences and profound understanding of this complex issue have empowered her to shed light on the confusion and inner turmoil victims face. With a solid educational foundation in journalism and psychology from DePaul University in Chicago, Dana possesses the remarkable skill to effectively articulate and express the harrowing effects of narcissistic abuse. Through her compassionate voice, she aims to assure other victims that they are not alone and to provide them with a deeper comprehension of their own circumstances. As a proud advocate, Dana courageously speaks on behalf of those victims who may feel powerless, afraid, or burdened with shame when sharing their own experiences. Her mission is to foster awareness and understanding, creating a supportive environment for victims to first comprehend their situation and subsequently embark on the healing journey they deserve. Dana's extraordinary journey began with the clandestine journaling of her abusive marriage which spanned nearly three tumultuous decades. Concealing her heartfelt writings under a couch cushion in the basement, her compelling story serves as a testament to the resilience and strength she embodies. Currently residing in Illinois with her beloved husband, Dana is tirelessly working on publishing both a prequel and a sequel to her remarkable book, "GASPING FOR AIR". These forthcoming literary masterpieces promise to delve even deeper into the insidious dynamics of narcissistic abuse, unraveling its intricate web of destruction. For more riveting insights into Dana's world, visit her website at danasdiaz.com. Discover a beacon of hope and the unwavering dedication of a remarkable woman who is committed to shining a light on the dark realities of narcissistic abuse. Together, we can empower victims, promote healing, and eradicate the stranglehold of narcissistic abuse once and for all. #NarcissisticAbuse #GASPINGFORAIR #AbuseAwareness #EmotionalAbuse #ToxicRelationships #Narcissism #MentalHealth #NoMoreSilence #Manipulation #Survivor #BreakTheSilence #DomesticAbuse #Healing #NPD #NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder #Gaslighting #Trauma #SelfCare #Empowerment #Support #narcissisticabuse #survivingtheshadows #overcomingabuse #healingjourney #mentalhealthawareness #toxicrelationships #narcissisticabusesurvivor #traumarecovery #selfcare #selflove #domesticabuse #mentalwellbeing #narcissisticparent #emotionalabuse #ptsdrecovery #supportsystem #narcissistfree #selfempowerment #selfhelp #emotionalhealing #domesticviolence

[joshuatylerberglan]

The Struggle of Confusion: Navigating Abuse, Attractions, and Religious Upbringing 🌟 "Overcoming trauma and finding self-acceptance." - Joshua T. Berglan 🌟 Joshua shares a raw and powerful account of his childhood experiences, including facing abuse and the resulting confusion and night terrors. He discusses the struggle of reconciling his feelings with the condemning messages from the church about homosexuality. This candid reflection is a journey of overcoming trauma and embracing one's true self. 🎥 Full story in the episode: youtu.be/nW9RVgdp1MM 📚 Read more in Joshua's 'The Devil Inside Me': amazon.com/Devil-Inside-Me-Joshua-Berglan/dp/B09KDSVDP4 #ChildhoodTrauma, #SelfAcceptance, #OvercomingAbuse, #MentalHealthJourney, #LGBTQAcceptance, #HealingProcess, #JoshuaTBerglan, #TheDevilInsideMe 🔗 CONNECT WITH JOSH: Twitter: twitter.com/MayorsMedia More: linktr.ee/theworldsmayor YouTube: @JoshuaTylerBerglan Podcast: muse.ai/TheWorldsMayorExperience Website: joshuatberglan.com 🔗 CONNECT WITH EMMA & THE IMAGINATION: Substack: emmakatherine.substack.com Email: imagineabetterworld2020@gmail.com All links: direct.me/theimaginationpodcast Support: patreon.com/theimagination | buymeacoffee.com/theimagi Website: standbysurvivors.com #ChildhoodTraumaRecovery, #AbuseSurvivor, #EmotionalHealing, #ChurchAndSexuality, #LGBTQIACommunity, #FindingIdentity, #TraumaInformed, #NightTerrors, #SexualIdentityConfusion, #ChurchDoctrine, #MentalHealthAwareness, #AuthenticSelf, #InnerConflict, #Resilience, #CourageToHeal

[dawndysonministries]

Dawn Dyson is now on SPOTIFY!

[pynkcashmere]

*Trigger ⚠️ * ABUSE ❕Hello everyone! I am starting a 7 part audio series of my life. It details everything- my early life, lessons learned, domestic violence, being a mom and much more.

My first chapter (not uploaded yet) is covering the domestic violence that led to Ava and I relocating to from Tulsa to Nevada. I’ve worked really hard to recover from being strangled, beat and more in front of my daughter, having my life disrupted and being illegally thrown out of my home (that’s still in my name) with my daughter by my abuser and the things I’ve learned along the way of healing.

So far, here’s my intro https://youtu.be/CNwXlidzvvk

Please feel free to subscribe 💜

[inkysmudges]

Divine Intervention

Have you ever felt that divine intervention has saved your life, like a guardian angel resting near you keeping you safe? I can specifically remember 3 moments in my life that could have left me in great injury or fatality but miraculously I have come out unscathed...for the most part. The first was in high school I was walking home with a girlfriend and I had just gotten a new phone, I was lollygagging listening to all the new ringtones this tiny handheld device could play and I did not cross the street at the same time as my friend. Because I was distracted, I was saved and unfortunately my friend was struck by a car. I was mortified, and that night I stayed with another friend as we waited to hear news on if she would be okay. She survived but had to undergo surgeries to fix her leg that was badly broken. The next situation I can remember is later on, after high school I was working in a warehouse and I was moving some large boxes with a pallet jack on the second story. I was getting close to the edge which at that time didn’t have any guard rail or chain to keep someone from getting too close. I was walking backwards and hadn’t realized I had gone too far back, when I took a step the floor was no longer underneath me. My leg buckled and that simple movement saved my life. I did not fall over the edge and with my knee on the edge I was able to get back up and walk closer to solid ground. It always terrified me how close I was to falling over to what would have been a terrible injury, especially if that pallet jack fell with me. The last divine intervention is one of much triumph, from all of these situations this last one was a life changer and I feel so blessed to still be here today. For years I prayed and prayed, not for salvation not for freedom, but for a friend. See I was stuck in an abusive relationship for so long, many connections I had made were gone. My ex made it so difficult for me to go to anyone except for him, until one day he slipped and I made a connection. A connection with someone that brought me so much more, but not because he provided it, but because I found it within myself. I was able to escape through divine intervention and it saved my life.

-Serena Nerva

[tirose]

Things my parents said to me when I was young that still get to me today

"Other kids have worse parents and care about them more."

"You are so stupid. Thank God, you look good. There might be a chance that a rich man will marry you someday."

"You will end up in the gutter and look back how good you have had it at home."

"You are useless."

"You were just lucky. It won't last long" (when I made an achievement at school, etc.)

"You made me do this."

"I promise, I will kill you. Don't make me go to jail!"

"Stop crying. It only makes your father angry. "

"You are crying crocodile tears only because you want me to stop."

"Wipe that stupid look off your face. It only makes me want to hit you more."

"Pull yourself together!" (my mother while watching me trying to hide from my raging father in the bathroom, hyperventilating on the edge of the bathtub.)

"It's your fault."

"You owe us."

"Did you use perfume? You smell like a whore. Do you want me to pour petrol over you if that is what makes you happy?" (my father when I was 12, before taking me to my first kid's dance party.)

"You are such a slut."

"You are too sensitive."

"You are just lazy."

"You are ungreatful."

"You don't know what a tough life is."

"Why can't you be different?"

"Other people pretend they care about you, but they don't."

"Go and apologize to your father so I won't get in trouble." (knowing, I've done nothing wrong and my father just had one of his fits)

"You think you have it tough. But nobody will care about / love you as much as we do."

[oscar-crawford-fan]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Oscar Crawford (@oscarcrawfordmedia)

Recently, I attended the PEACE STARTS WITH ME World Peace Conference in Las Vegas, Nevada. A local host family invited me to be a guest in their home at the end of the second day. Others were from Africa, Europe, Indonesia, and the U. S. During dinner, people asked me about my work. I spoke of helping hurting women heal from the indignity of sexual violence while children. Jaws dropped and mouths opened affirming the experience was present at the table. After dinner, women spoke to me privately. Sexual Violence is an epidemic (local disease) and a pandemic (global disease) affecting women at every age and stage. My work, Let’s Talk About Love helps hurting women heal and also prepares women to move forward to experience loving and productive relationships. I want to put LET’S TALK ABOUT LOVE into the hands of 1,000 WOMEN over the next quarter of July, August and September 2019. For every woman we help heal, the tribe that helps hurting people heal grows. Let’s Talk About Love - A Guide to Love and Come Alive for the Awakening Mid- 30’s Woman Living with PTSD from Sexual Violence while a Child. Order paperback editions athttps://www.paypal.me/oscarcrawfordmedia  $15.00 plus $3.50 shipping in the United States. International orders are $15.00 plus international shipping rates. Ask for International shipping rates at oscarcrawfordmedia@gmail.com. Every purchase will receive a FREE eBook of Fishers of Men - What Single Women Should Know When Searching for Husbands. #familyincest #rapevictim #rapesurvivor #rapeculture #rapeme #rapes #stoprape #endrapeculture #rapevictims #endrape #sexualabuse #childsexualabuse #overcomingabuse #childadvocate #physicalabuse #emotionalabuse #traumarecovery #healingispossible #ptsdawareness #ptsdsurvivor #epidemic #pandemic #generationaltrauma #depressionhelp #psychologicalabuse #anxietyproblems #anxietyrecovery #angerproblems #loveproblems #domesticviolence (at Mesa, Arizona) https://www.instagram.com/p/BzHP-a_FMSe/?igshid=1a64hskkzhk6n

[madamemerola]

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Madame Merola aka Dr Abiola|Total Transformation Coach (@madamemerola)

✨MOVE ON, IT’S TIME. Letting go of the past is never easy but we must do it for the sake of our brighter tomorrow. 📌If this video resonates with you, send me an emoji or comment and share this video with others who need this inspirational message. My name is Madame Merola, The B.A.N.G Creator and I live to inspire others. XoXo from #madamemerola #thebangcreator #inspirationalvideo #letgoofthepast #lettinggoofthemess #frommesstomessage #overcomingdepression #overcomingadversity #overcomingabuse #overcomingtrauma #transforminglives #lifecoachforwomen #lifecoachingforwomen #womenwhoovercome #movingonwithlife #makingtodaycount #femalelifecoach #femalemotivationalspeaker #femaleleaders #femalementors #womeninspiringwomen #womenempoweringwomen (at Moving on With Life) https://www.instagram.com/p/CTNrf_cDepY/?utm_medium=tumblr

[ramyeonupdates]

{ #overcomingabuse } || source: lifeafternarc

[prathiba-autodidact]

: This post is mainly for children. Face those bullies and tormentor with courage and overcome situations that you think is impossible to handle. You are brave enough to face any problem and challenges. Do not hide yourself from the world, face it and take it over with head held high! : : ©📝:@prathibashivaji Follow: @prathiba_autodidact : #overcomingabuse #overcomingchallenges #overcoming #overcomingpain #overcomingtrauma #overcomingobesity #overcomingbyfaith #overcomingoverthinking #overcominginjury #overcomingstruggles #overcomingeatingdisorders #overcominggrief #overcomingaddiction #overcomingbingeeating #overcomingtheodds #overcomingadversity #overcomingfears #overcomingobstacles #overcominganxiety #overcomingdyslexia #overcominggravity #overcomingshyness #overcomingptsd #overcomingms #overcomingdepression #overcominginfertility #overcomingillness #overcomingfear #overcomingmultiplesclerosis #overcomingperfectionism https://www.instagram.com/p/B7MLHm_F9kQ/?igshid=1e9gox7mxvh3w