#painkillers bc it's the only way they can function.

[umflowers]

re: lewis' comments about qatar, please remember this is a man known for being exceptionally thoughtful about his actions and how they impact others, who nonetheless posts pictures of his very sculpted professional athlete's body, pinching the literal skin on his stomach with captions about how it's stubborn fat that he can't seem to exercise off. professional athletes do not view their bodies as bodies, which deserve care and concern. they view their bodies as the key to their high performance and ability to win, which they are addicted to. it quite literally doesn't occur to them to slow down and recognize what the body needs to be healthy. no professional athlete should be trusted with their own safety.

[beanghostprincess]

I saw the strawhats chronic pain asks and had a moment of CROSS GUILD CHRONIC PAIN-

Crocodile is an amputee. Like. Canonically. Phantom pains.

Mihawk has HELLA light sensitivity vibes ((I Gift him,,,,, my migraines))

And Buggy? Oh my favorite little punching bag, I bet the spatial awareness necessary for his DF must he OFF THE CHARTS, not to mention bomb making, harmful chemicals, etc, I feel it in my bones that he has an autoimmune disorder of some kind and also migraines bc the highest flattery I can give is projection.

Ignore this if you wanna, t'was just a Thought, love your blog, Bean!!!!!! ♡♡♡♡♡♡

YAY CROSS GUILD ASK I AM IN SUCH A CROSS GUILD MOOD LATELY YESYESYESYES!!!!!!!! And I'm making this romantic because if I don't make cross guild gay I might die. Thank you.

Okay, so what I'm hearing here is that they keep their lights real low on their shared tent, and whenever they have meetings: At the start of their business relationship, they're still learning how to get used to being together. Buggy is used to stage lights but only for a while and he doesn't want these two to know another weak spot of him (also the pain around his whole body is killing him sometimes), so he tries to deal with the migraines and being uncomfortable because he knows that complaining will only lead to these two using him as a punching bag. But lucky for him, Mihawk does mention one day that he hates brightness (because edgy vampire can't say 'my head fucking hurts' like a functional human) and so he says something about candles. Buggy is afraid they might set the tent on fire but he prefers this over the headaches. Crocodile doesn't give a fuck about this, honestly. Then, they start growing closer and y'know, I'll just skip to them dating- They're dating. They share a tent there at Karai Bari. And now it's something to do instinctively? Like they just keep the lights low or light up some candles and they just live like that. Whenever they're on a ship they do this too.

Following what I just said, they're affectionate but like, in a weird way. Because, y'know, look at them. Buggy ends up crying and complaining about his headaches and also when his body won't stop hurting. He's a drama queen, of course, a diva. He lives flashily. Cries flashily, too. He always curls up beside Crocodile so the big big comfy man can provide him some comfort and warmth and pats on the head or something. Crocodile just runs his hook through his hair softly and lets him be annoying for a while until he falls asleep on top of him. If he has to do something he just??? Won't do it??? He's a pirate but he isn't a fucking monster. One day Mihawk catches them and they share that look of understanding that only cat owners understand, because God (Nika is the only one I believe in, something something amen) is watching and if you dare to move when a cat's in your lap, you go instantly to hell. On the other hand, when Buggy cries and Mihawk is the one around, he gives him some painkillers and turns off the lights completely to then read Buggy one of his books. He does this without saying a word and the first time this weird, silent sign of affection happens, Buggy is speechless. And also, yes, Mihawk can read in the dark perfectly well because he's a cat. He sees in the dark. I even think Buggy can see his gold eyes staring at him. They're like the headlights of a car. Oh, and Mihawk deals with his migraines in perfect silence but when it's a bad day he gets into a very irritable and irascible mood. Most people would be complaining about it but at least this way he's more talkative? Somehow? He's a bitch to Buggy for a while and then they just talk shit about other people together while Crocodile makes a comment like "If you're well enough to complain, you're well enough to continue worki-" and it's, like, the and only time Buggy instinctively throws a pillow at him to shut him up. Never again, though. Scary mafioso-looking boyfriend.

Now that we're talking about Crocodile, the phantom pains: They stress the fuck out of him. They're painful and uncomfortable and he wants to strangle somebody. On a good day, that somebody isn't Buggy. And on a bad day, Buggy really tries to be the sweetest fucking thing on earth by making everything comfortable for him and disappearing right away. Maybe he starts an argument with Mihawk for something stupid but they make up later, it's fine. But, you know what? Sometimes he needs comfort and somebody to distract him too, so one day (when Buggy is about to disappear for hours so he doesn't end up suffering the consequences of staying too long with him) he tells Buggy to stay. The clown is frightened, but he does what he's told and- And it's surprisingly sweet? Crocodile just tells him to talk to him. Explain something. Anything. Complain about the fucking weather or tell a joke. Anything. And Buggy is genuinely surprised but ends up either talking shit about people or telling him anecdotes or just reading him the paper. And Crocodile seems to like it??? A surprise for both, really, but the man actually likes having the clown around because it is working really well as a distraction and when Buggy is not being annoying Crocodile realizes why he loves him. He loves him when he's annoying too, though, he bullies him out of love. Sometimes he just tells Buggy to come sit on his lap and stay there and Crocodile is still in pain but somehow being with the clown makes him feel better. Mihawk tries to be comforting on these days too but it's more of a "you ought to rest, otherwise you'll be irritable all afternoon and you cannot keep frightening the subordinates" type of silent care than anything.

Also, I want to add Crocodile almost murdering a man one day because they were doing business with him on his ship and he had a lot of lights on (when he was asked not to) and both Mihawk and Buggy were visibly uncomfortable the second they entered the room. I love protective Crocodile. He looks like he'd just murder men without any remorse for talking shit about the other two. I like it.

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

The C person's dark side

Behind that innocent face, there's a woman who maybe subconsciously, or maybe not so subconsciously, manipulates situations to get what she wants.

Of course, this doesn't diminish Carmy's free will, as I mentioned here. But that's the whole point, she doesn't really respect his free will, she manipulates it or maneuvers around it, she tries to, in some way, control it and cries when she can't. She got her own 💔 in the process but she will continue doing it even now that she knows better, because it's in her nature. It's IC for her.

So we will unfortunately and surely see a lot more of that this upcoming S3. Claire's dark side will be out in the open, this time perhaps it will be more explicit and not so subtle. I'm not sure how it will be played out bc I gave up on trying to figure Storer out, I just let him be and trust him as much as I can, which is not much at this point, tbh...

But back to Claire, that is my main problem with her, not only because in IRL I hate manipulative people, even if they do it unconsciously, even when I know that someone who resorts to manipulations, especially emotional manipulation tactics, is someone deeply insecure and it's usually not their fault, as insecurities are typically rooted in early childhood and you can't hold a child responsible for anything or sometimes are linked to unsolved trauma, which clearly, you can't blame on the person either. But, here's the catch: I'm a person too, hi, hello! I have issues too, etc, and I don't manipulate shit! I respect people's free will to a fault even if it fucking kills me, and usually it does as a matter of fact. But I suck it up and move on like a pro, I just bounce back and heal without trying to manipulate anyone into acting the way I wish they fucking did. And I certainly don't take it out on others. I go to therapy, blow steam up at the gym till I have to pop painkillers to keep functioning, I skip town for a few days and re-connect with nature, I write FF, I journal, I read, I go to my BBF's house, and cry while she feeds me foods I don't even know how to cook, I swim, I walk my dogs, and lay on the floor with them till I feel better and when none of that works, I occasionally go back to boxing, I try not to bc it's not healthy for me. But I NEVER FUCK WITH OTHER PEOPLE'S FREE WILL, I DON'T CONDONE THAT BEHAVIOUR IN OTHERS IRL AND I HATE THAT MY FAVEST TV SHOW GOT RUINED WITH A CHARACTER LIKE THAT, I DON'T WANNA WATCH THAT. I mean, I will, sure, bc IK Sydcarmy is endgame, but I don't wanna.

Claire embodies everything I hate in people, everything I run away from IRL, her character represents all I think is toxic and should be avoided at all costs, all I consider ethically wrong in the most basic aspects of life because what makes us humans is our freedom and IK this sounds dramatic 🙄 but I believe that who doesn't respect our freedom, free will, etc, is trying to rob us from our humanity, sometimes inadvertently, which I think might be her case most of the time, but some other times they do it on purpose. They know what they are doing and do it anyway, they are willing to outsource and pay others to help them, etc. They know they are trying to force an outcome, which in business might be OK, seeing as at work we may find ourselves in these kinda situations more often than not and we don't really have a choice as to whether we put up with them or not, especially if we work in certain industries, however, we are NOT our jobs! When it comes to human relationships this M.O. goes against my whole belief system. Can't do it. Nope. It's not fair and fairness is where I draw the fucking line!!!

And no, I'm not a Sydcarmy soldier because of that, but yes, I'm ALSO a Sydcarmy soldier bc of that, for sure!

But on a deeper level, and this is actually what I hate the most here: I'm mad at Storer, whom I learned to love and hate in equal measure by now. You'll see, he allowed this character to happen. Either he created it or signed off on it if one of his other writers wrote Claire into existence. WHY!?!?! THERE WERE OTHER WAYS TO DO THIS, CHRIS!

I previously mentioned how shady Claire's behavior was from the beginning and how it probably wouldn't have been tolerated or woulda been flagged as a clear 🚩if a man woulda acted that way with a woman. I go over it in my response/rb to this comprehensive (just the way I like it) post by @damnikindadontcare

So summing up, I don't hate C, I hate Storer and what Claire represents. I hate that I will have to continue putting up with her and her dark side for who knows how many more eps, and every time I look at her all of this goes through my head, it kills the whole watching experience for me but if this is the price I have to pay to see Sydcarmy unfold and Claire eventually walk into the sunset defeated and not getting her way, I will pay it. Fuck it!

YOU WON STORER, NOW GIVE ME WHAT I WANT AND NO ONE GETS HURT (it's a song, not a threat, relax).

[airrika]

ok so since my arm literally got cooked and I can’t draw for a bit I’m gonna drop these cuz they been sitting in my freezer

PETRONA HCS

-she is a strong leader but it’s not natural. She had to learn how to lead

-she doesn’t want people to know this but she does care about her appearance to a decent extent

-she also doesn’t want people to know her affection. She cannot have people knowing she cares about them, oh the horror

-Nobody wants to play card games with Petrona bc she tracks cards. She knows what someone is about to put down and it’s just. not fun anymore lol

-secretly superrr competitive can’t handle losing. In any game she’ll play until she wins and then will stop immediately so she doesn’t lose again

-good dexterity, also knows more sleight of hand than you’d expect; it’s not just with cards but with coins and other small objects. It’s something she liked as a child, and because she can have a good neutral or poker expression shes skilled at misdirection, which is essential for not just tricks but..many other things

-despite being a good public speaker, she’d rather avoid making conversation. She either comes across as too hostile, cold, or apathetic, and sometimes she really isn’t trying to. She’s also unconsciously shy and there’s not much to talk abt

-only comfortable in a conversation when talking about work

-interesting in that she can’t hold a normal, non-work related conversation well but can somehow pull up with the most creative and ruthless insults when going off on somebody

-unassuming bisexual disaster, that likely leans more towards women her dessert orders being so fucking fruity is not a coincidence. But also probably can’t talk to women normally

-when she’s not stressed she’s actually a lot more pleasant (let’s be real tho when is that💀) she may not show any more emotion but she’s nicer in her words and more easygoing

-not legally blind but not great without her glasses, wears contacts sometimes but def prefers glasses

-can stay quiet for a very long time. In social settings she chooses her words carefully and often just doesn’t say them at all (when she’s not angry)

-hot days really piss her off like girl is already in a terrible mood the moment she reads the forecast or steps outside

-her voice is sort of flat throughout except when she’s yelling at someone. Tbh her yelling is also not very pitchy despite being at a raised volume

-played violin as a child and was good at it but she quit bc she got too busy w other things. Thinking of picking it back up again tho bc it was fun

-likes aquariums. Probably a combination of the dim light or the alien nature of some marine creatures (ex. Jellyfish or those ones that look like plants) but it’s a place where she feels grounded

-only herself and a few others can actually read her handwriting. She prefers to type fast anyway so she only writes when she has to, but she also likes writing fast…it’s pretty but illegible

-enjoys seafood, especially whitefish, can and will eat almost any type but oysters are a hard nope

-also has pretty high pain and spice tolerance

-she’s subjective to migraines that are rare but extremely severe to the point of hospitalization, so she always has painkillers on her just in case. Also gets motion sick easily —like if she’s not the one driving she gets kinda sick

-she is used to functioning on very little sleep but it also makes her cranky asf. at work she has literally been banned from the coffee machine because she was getting too much in one day

-doesn’t really get sick but if she does it’s always bad. like down for a week+ bad

-stature-wise she’s not very intimidating but she has this magnitude/aura that radiates authority. Also has a perfect rbf Plus the way she carries herself and looks at people conveys that she is prickly and that alone is scary af

-lonely but afraid to get close to people. She’s always been independent and worries she’ll hurt people she gets attached to bc it’s happened so many times

-book-wise brilliant, and can think on the spot quite well + pick up patterns and logistics that others might not, but not sharp with emotions. She can’t rly read when someone is hurting and assumes everyone is like her, where they keep emotions hidden. This happens when she accidentally goes too far with her words (and makes people cry) and then she stops and feels guilty for a while.

-her 💅anxiety💅 is masked by outward aloofness and hostility

-Also she has a massive fear of failure and spirals if she does fail. She has perfectionist tendencies and plans everything meticulously to make sure failure doesn’t happen. When things don’t go according to what she planned it’s literally like knocking a Jenga tower over and she goes a tiny bit insane

[gurugirl]

about cumming for period cramps. i thnk you just made me realize something. i've tried making myself cum for cramps and it didn't work at all, made it feel so awful after. now i wonder if it's because i need to keep going? i never knew this and i'm shook.

you don't have to answer these questions but is orgasming your way of helping the cramps? do you take medicine for it? i also have really painful cramping and i'm in bed all day. i take medicine but it doesn't help either.

last thing i'm curious about 🫣 how do you make yourself cum twice in a row? i've never been able to? do you do it yourself or do you have your partner do it?

WARNING: SO MUCH TMI BELOW

YES!! I can't speak for anyone but myself but for me the key is to orgasm at least twice. Two times works well and gives me relief and I can function after. And the only time I resort to using an orgasm for relief while I'm cramping really bad is because I didn't take my painkillers in time to help the pain. Because once the cramps kick in no painkiller has ever worked for me. BUT - having 2 orgasms literally does the trick. Like magic. I swear by it.

Typically I use extra strength Aleve but I have to take it before I really start feeling the cramps - kind of just have to be really in tune and get that painkiller in time or it won't work (and that's sort of across the board for most women who are cramping - get that aleve or advil in before those cramps start and it will help).

I usually prefer to just take a painkiller bc it's easier. Masturbating or asking my SO to make me come twice is work but I'll do it if necessary.

And how do I come twice in a row? I'm one of those people that can come relatively easily, always have been this way. I'm very sensitive and I love sex and I know my body well (so does my SO). Honestly it's really not that hard for me. I don't have tips for it anything. We are all different so just do what works best for you!

xoxo

[daz4i]

oh wait btw another life update (talk of medical shit under the cut) (it's not too graphic or anything but jic) (it's not good tho) (and it's p long)

so 🥲 if you saw my post abt it. i did like a pre-test thing, to see if i even can do a certain test, and that. did not work. so i can't do this test i was prescribed to see if i have crohn's. the doctor gave me like a referral for a stomach mri but due to health insurance stuff they might just say no (bc they normally don't accept it for ppl over 18, unless it's an emergency ig bc i do remember getting one when i was in the hospital to eh) and i'll have to pay a bunch to possibly get another negative answer 😭 not like i have any other options left tho. he did give me some other tests + blood test to see if i have celiac or if there are other signs of some internal inflammation so. ig we'll see.

but the actually extremely bad part is 🥲 he said i mustn't take ibuprofen bc it can harm your intestines esp if you already have a disease there. so. given how that's the only painkiller that actually given me relief. idk how i'm supposed to do even the most basic functioning when my pains get too bad to move (which, esp now due to my heightened stress from the war, happens way more often). i mostly want an official diagnosis for literally anything so i can at least get prescribed smth for the pain alone fr 😭😭😭😭😭

um on a more positive note. my recovery program thingie was approved! starts next week. social worker coming over on wednesday. and. i am very stressed. bc i don't feel ready yet. and the idea that now i can't even take any painkiller means i don't quite know how i'm supposed to start doing the whole functioning thing (mainly they really want me to start going outside i think, esp on my own which i. can't. but i mean ig that's what they're there for. i just hope they don't get tired of me esp since i'm not in therapy) while in excruciating pain. so good fucking luck to me lmao 💔

[allthecanadianpolitics]

so everyone talks about canada's medical system like The Ideal bc we're right next to the usa which is obviously hell. but god, i'm so tired of trying to survive it. so this one goes out to all the politically-active canadians, because today my local pharmacist informed me that at their discretion they could and did choose to refuse me an emergency refill on my progestin meds, which i need to prevent severe period pain (in addition to my also severe chronic pain, which had me in several different hospitals for over a year only to come out of it with a diagnosis of f*kin IBS. pretty sure ibs doesn't typically put you in a wheelchair but whatever, the antispasmodics help a little so i'll take it if the alternative is to wake up from surgery again with a handwritten three-line note beside me saying "we didn't find anything wrong" and the surgeon gone home for the night, leaving me to the tender mercies of google to tell me what to expect during my recovery). anyway this is a long way to go about saying:

prescriptions should not (ever) be a prerequisite to acquiring medication. prescriptions can be a prerequisite to acquiring medication for free, if they have to exist at all; but all meds - including "habit-forming" ones - should be available for anyone to purchase. It is a violation of my bodily autonomy to demand a signed doctor's note for legitimate medication i need to function (which is typically arbitrarily selected for restriction anyway; birth control pills are regulated but cold medicine isn't even "over the counter." And don't come at me with the "people might misuse it and hurt themselves" argument. you don't need a prescription to buy a knife. it is not about safety).

doctors have routinely prescribed me pain meds that have dangerous potential to interact with my antidepressants, and almost always fail to accurately inform me of the effects and risks of each prescription. the only thing keeping me safe is my own ability to research the fuck out of everything, and doctors - with all their Endless Expertise - have failed to assist me in that research more often than they've provided ANY aid. in fact, according to the records i've been obsessively keeping since the start of my personal ordeal, the amount of times doctors have actively damaged (or attempted to damage) my health outnumbers the times they've done anything to heal me by about a factor of three.

doctors don't know enough to be qualified to write prescriptions.

and even if they did, they still shouldn't have the right to deny me access to medication i've researched the fuck out of and been on for months or years. i shouldn't have to do all my own research, but since i do, i should at least get back, in exchange, my bodily autonomy from the so-called experts. I should have the right to decide what i put in my body. Especially because i already have the responsibility of educating myself about it.

I should have the right to choose. Not the pharmacist who lied about checking my records. Not the doctor who told me i needed to see a gynecologist to even consider taking birth control pills. Not the ER physician who tried to refuse me painkillers when i was literally immobile with agony, because he thought i should try taking an Advil first.

I should have the right to choose.

I'm too tired to fight for it now. Would someone please fight for me?

[dancingisdangerouss]

imagine reader got pregnant and for some reason she didn't abort

and then, at the birth time, what would Al do? Bc you said once that he would try to avoid going to hospital and doesn't know much about women. This got me curious 🤔

Good question! I’m guessing he would educate himself, take a trip to the local library and learn as much as he could so he could be competent enough to guide her through the process. I think he would only resort to calling an ambulance if something went wrong with the birth and it risked Reader’s life.

Apart from what he did to Evan, this is the second angriest Reader has ever been with him. Because, can you imagine giving birth at home without painkillers in a basement??

He’d do what he could to make her comfortable and guide her through it, praising and cooing and soothing her, but I imagine his “help” would only make her more upset (e.g. “Come on sweet thing, it’s okay, breathe with me—“ “I DON’T NEED YOU TO TELL ME TO FUCKING BREATHE. GET THE FUCK OUT!”).

Also, Reader has never intended to have kids anyway, but it is kind of sad to imagine her having to give the baby up; I could see her getting attached to the baby after she has it, and becoming upset and heartbroken about Al taking it away from her.

I think ultimately, though, she’d know it was for the best. There’s no way in hell an insane serial killer and his own traumatized victim could raise a happy, functional child.

[somecunttookmyurl]

Hi sorry to bother you, but I just saw your post about not metabolising medication properly, I was trying to track back to any other mention of it on your blog to find out more because that is ringing a lot of bells with me and I didn't know it was a thing that could happen (I'm not jumping to conclusions I'm just curious), I'm chronically impossible to medicate (presumably what you mean by "Drug Goblin") so I was wondering if you could point me in the direction of the specific thing you're talking about? I tried doing straight to ye olde Google but without a decent starting point I just get vague anecdotal articles </3

oh no worries about not finding it i never tag anything and tumblr's search function is an eldrich horror that's not on you in the slightest

the basics of it (this is very simplified and i'm happy to send papers but they are like. pretty technical which involves "learning what all the words mean first")

- there's a bunch of different enzyme pathways in the liver. just so many.

- different drugs will be processed along different pathways. most drugs only go one way, but some take multiple routes and split off. paracetamol (acetiminophin) for example uses... iirc... three? so some of it goes there, some goes there, and some fucks off over there.

- the normal amount of functional copies of any of these things is 2. and 2 is what the vast majority of people have. if you've got 2 copies then the drugs that ride that highway work broadly as expected. like you know all the "starts working in x time, lasts this long" stuff? based on the normal range

- for any given one of those, it's possible to have 1 (or even 0) functional copies, or 3 (or more) copies. if you have fewer functional copies then your metabolism is slower. the drug sticks around longer, and will have a more pronounced effect. as such, you would need a lower dose. also your toxic dose level would be lower

- if you have 3 (or more) you metabolise faster. as i'm sure you can guess, that means it's processed too quickly and there is less effect because it's been yeeted out at the speed of sound. you need higher doses, administered more often. which is problematic for your poor kidneys who regrettably still have to deal with it.

- all of these enzymes can be either inhibited (metabolism slowed) or induced (metabolism sped up) by various substances. this is, primarily, what drug interaction warnings are. if drug a is inhibiting the enzyme used by drug b, you could have a problem on your hands

- for most though that list is pretty extensive! as such "defects" on most of them don't really go noticed so much because you're probably fixing it by accident by, like, drinking coffee or whatever

- however Local Problematic Bastard known as P450 CYP2D6 (i know. super catchy) is almost entirely genetic - meaning the list of external things that can either inhibit or induce it is fucking tiny

- unfortunately, Local Problematic Bastard P450 CYP2D6 is where an awful lot of very common drugs like to hang out. so if you've got too many functional copies of it there's a whole bunch of shit that Don't Work So Good and your ability to fix it is, uh, limited

- in the general population being an ultra-rapid metaboliser is pretty uncommon. worldwide it's something like 7% and in white people it's 1-2%. however for reasons that are still unclear, people with chronic pain (notably EDS but also stuff like fibromyalgia) have a frankly stupid 70-80% chance of something in there being broken in some way

- which is a fucking cruel joke bc Most Goddamn Painkillers chill on CYP2D6 If you look up CYP2D6 on wiki there's an (incomplete) list of substrates, inhibitors, and inducers. substrates are the drugs that are metabolised along it. if you read the substrate list like "wait a minute... this is all the shit that doesn't fucking work unless i practically OD on purpose" then my apologies but also same and i hate it

anyway a while back i had the thought "what if i added an inhibitor to biohack my own goddamn liver and make it talk to meth properly" which i studied with CBD (one of the few inihibitors that aren't obscure prescription drugs) and spoiler alert: yes. yes you fuckin' can. (i did research this extensively before trying and human studies on the exact same theory have been done before and the results were positive in all but one person, and that's only because that person had an adverse side effects to the inhibitor and had to drop out)

this is something that can only be properly officially verified with a genetic test but sometimes shit be So Blatantly Obvious you don't need to prove it.

[pricklyest]

Do you recommend Hannibal? It is one of the “tumblr shows” I have not seen

idk? I can Get why tumblr is wild abt it. it's extremely gory, ftr. that doesn't bother me anymore but there was definitely a time when I would not have been able to watch this show.

like I said the conversations are super difficult to follow sometimes, but it could also be that things are going over my head bc I have only watched this show while on prescription level painkillers, I started it while in the hospital after my surgery. I don't think oxy has been maximally damaging to my brain's ability to function, but it has let lexi actually beat me a couple of times in our weekly game of catan. not every time, but I think more times than I've beaten her in the past few weeks. my memory is also p shitty rn.

anyway yeah it's an Interesting show but idk if I'd recommend it? I am p noncommittal about a lot of tv. I'm on season three rn. with the first two seasons I felt compelled to watch episode after episode but these ones aren't keeping me enthralled in the same way. I watch one episode and I'm ready to be done for a while. also they're so visual heavy that I can't really like do a puzzle while I'm watching or any of the other things I normally do while watching tv bc then I miss things and I find that annoying bc watching and doing nothing else is super boring.

[elaphaemourra]

30 Questions Tag Game

Got tagged by @outcastcommander :DDDDD Thank!!!!!

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 5 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better. HI I’M ACTUALLY REALLY SHY SO I’M NOT DOING THAT LOL I’m just gonna say, if u wanna do Intro and see this, go for it, and also bonus if u r Friend, absolutely feel free and also say i tagged u bc Yes Friendship.

Name/nickname: Elaphae,  Ela is most common (and great!! i love it fjdklajs), some people on the swtor art server called me ‘inquis’ a couple times ljfdklas.  

Gender: Nonbinary :DDD

Star sign: Virgo-Libra cusp :3

Height: 5’4 WOOP i am Short

Birthday: September 21

Time: 12:48 pm >:3

Favorite bands: Green Day, Volbeat, The Longest Johns, Alestorm… a lot more.  I’m a nerd lol.

Favorite solo artists: uh h hhhhh  o-O  there are Many.  Aurelio Voltaire is pretty solid lol.  Good for the heart.  Also, I can’t listen to too much of his stuff bc it gives me a Crisis, but Bo Burnham.  Shit’s a Bop.

Song stuck in my head: The theme for the uruk-hai from lotr lol

Last movie: Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

Last show: fjdklasj i don’t watch tv lol, i can’t make my brain sit still for it.  Gotta be Interactive.

When did I create this blog: uh, shit, when WAS that?? WOW 2014.  3 more years and I’ll have spent a decade on tumblr.  Which is WILD.

What do I post: things that make me happy ;v;  mostly star wars and dragon age, and Assorted Random Shit i think jfdlkfjd.  I don’t actually know what  my blog makeup is but it Sure Is Something.

Last thing googled: ‘the song from lord of the rings when saruman shows off the uruk-hai’ lmfaoooo, i couldn’t remember the name of it so i went looking.

Other blogs: HOO BUDDY okiedoke:  @haospart (art blog), @swtorcompanionsgoofin (swtor blog), @lyriumdisaster (dragon age blog, which i’ll get back to once i’m done on the swtor end of this bioware pingpong table of interests, and then i’ll be hopping BACK to swtor bc it IS a pingpong table), i have studyblr that I Never Fuckin Use and have only posted on in the past 2 years to go ‘what the fuck why do u people keep following me’ bc I LITERALLY HAVE NOT TOUCHED IT IN LIKE 2 YEARS why does it keep gaining followers, and then a few like, ‘no don’t look me i’m Embarassed’ repositories jfdklsjaf.

Do I get asks: Very rarely, but yes!! Lmfao usually when i go ‘GIVE ASK PLS I LOVE ASK’ and people are reminded that i am, in fact, a very friendly marshmallow who does not mind interaction and also Definitely Craves people asking questions about my stuff fjdla.

Why I chose my url: This is kind of a convoluted thing, but like, the easy version is that it’s the name of my trooper on the leviathan server (now called Aea out of the game bc they were supposed to be my self-insert but then they escaped into the woods and developed a storyline for themself).  The LONG thing is that I have an oc named Regia Elaphae, who I modeled after pnigophobia, the fear of choking or being smothered, and I made her snake-themed.  Rex is the latin word for king--for king snakes--which i swapped to regina and then took out the n bc ‘Regina’ didn’t fit her, and Elaphe is the genus for rat snakes, but i found two ways of spelling it so i spelled it Elaphae, and when I got into swtor I decided to use Elaphae in reference to myself.  I replaced my old url with this one after i started playing that trooper of the same name, bc my old one was :I .  I was into hetalia in middle school, and homestuck, and when I got on tumblr that followed me into my url.  I’m not into hetalia anymore, or anime at all, and homestuck fell off my radar into the ‘i’ll go “hey i know that” if i see it, but i’m not in the fandom anymore’ pile.  For the longest time my blog description was ‘it’s been 5 years and i still haven’t changed my url’, but it was time for change fjdklasfaj.  It’s better this way.  

Following: 953 (it was over 1300 but i did some clearing out of my follow list a month or so ago lol, mostly of people who haven’t been online in 6 years)

Followers: 616

Average hours of sleep: 7 and a half hours, if i want to be Functional

Lucky number: 19 :D  I love 19, it’s always been my lucky number, always will be.

Instruments: I don’t play much, but I can sing and also I can play beladi on the doumbek.

What am I wearing:  Fox onesie lol.  I wear basically nothing else at this point in my life.

Dream job: i mean, ideally i could just Not and vibe fjdkla.  But i mean like, i guess something working with my hands.  I’m in college to get a degree in french, and my next step after that is to go to trade school, to get smth that’ll make me money so i can keep doing Nerd Junk and also learning bc i like, actually really like school lol.

Dream trip: I want to go back to Rennes.  I miss it.  It was awesome, and, hilariously, I miss being able to get a burger that isn’t Drowning in its own grease.  America doesn’t know how to do healthy burger that tastes good.  Europe knows what’s up tho. I also miss being able to like, have just a pitcher of room temperature water next to a cute little glass and have it not be weird.  The cups are too big in america, i drink so much less water bc it’s just too daunting.  I’m dehydrated constantly.  Also i miss the METRO.  I loved the metro, loved nyooming along in the trains, wandering around the central part of the city, it was cool.

Favorite food: Eel!!  Eel’s tasty as fuck.  I love it.

Nationality: American

Favorite song: o-o uhhhhhhhhhhh, i have no idea lol.  I listen to so much random shit.  lol according to my spotify 2020 rewind it’s Starlight Brigade, from TWRP and Dan Avidan.

Last book read: i have got ZERO clue what the last book i read was.  I mean, technically it was a textbook for my myth, magic, and folk religion class, but like, blegh.  Nah.  Not fun.  I think before that I started reading Metro 2033???  I have a copy in french, and am flipping between that and trying to fckn get through au revoir là-haut.

Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in:  

1. swtorrrrrrr, i wanna be a space wizard [slap slap slap on the metaphorical counter] give me space magic

2. Pellinor, y’all it’s medieval and magic and COOL and i’m a big nerd for that.  (these books are so good ;v;)  Also they got wine that makes cramps and headaches go away and magic baths, so like, fuck yes give me that sweet sweet painkiller juice.  It’s magic babey.

3. Thedas, bc dragon age, and like, when things Aren’t all fucked sideways to hell, there are just like, People.  Going about their days.  It’s great.  Also MORE MAGIC  Science is all fucked up in my vicinity, so like, how much can i fuck up the magic o3o

tl;dr on that fictional universes thing, i really want to be a wizard apparently fjdklasj.

[trifoliate-undergrowth]

Jonah Magnus begrudgingly becomes a trans ally after putting himself in the wrong body “as a joke” and suffering

Concept: Dramatic Bastard Jonah “Hubris” Magnus decides to put his eyeballs in a female body for one of these bodyhops because he “thought it’d be fun”  (and also perhaps make that snippy young librarian Gertrude stop commenting on the fact that the Institute has never had a female Head and that she feels it’s high time they got their heads out of the Dark Ages and stopped ignoring half the population) and it BACKFIRES HORRIBLY 

(long post under the cut)

For one thing, half of his (actual, unstated) reasoning behind the switch was to spice up his third marriage with Peter, but Peter is Too Gay to Function(TM) and just takes one look at the new body and immediately books a year-long voyage to Siberia and leaves the country without so much as touching Jonah. 

And then Jonah has to deal with having a female body to take care of and absolutely no idea how one works because despite serving the Watcher he is, also, Too Gay to Function(TM) and has not prioritized information on how to handle having a coochie. He didn’t think it would be a big deal. He was wrong.

See, up until now Jonah Magnus has always picked young, twink-ish bodies that have at least a superficial resemblance to the young Jonah Magnus, and has assumed that being able to adjust to the slight differences just fine and even enjoying the changes means that he’s immune to dysphoria. 

Jonah Magnus is convinced that gender dysphoria is bullshit and that he’ll like a female body just fine because he wore drag once and had a fun time. Jonah Magnus has not thought this through. Jonah Magnus has not considered that “wearing drag as a man who enjoys being a man but also likes dresses” is actually different from “actually not being a man or comfortable in a man’s body”. 

Jonah Magnus figures out the difference very quickly. 

Jonah Magnus, King of Denial, writes it off as “needing to adjust to the new body” until he catches himself wishing he had that Leitner that makes you disappear bc he doesn’t want to be seen, or to have to see himself, in this body and he just wants it to disappear. 

The first barista at Jonah’s favorite coffee shop to call him “ma’am” gets to watch a grown woman visibly flinch at being properly addressed and then rush out of the store. The barista then violently remembers something embarrassing that happened to her in high school, and spends the next week suffering from nightmares about her worst memories. 

A man makes the mistake of catcalling some academic-looking librarian dame. She gives him a freezing look and suddenly he’s having violent flashbacks to all his worst experiences at once. He falls down on the street and has a nosebleed and eventually has to be picked up by the police and brought to a mental hospital because he’s raving like a lunatic. 

Jonah “Cannot Admit I Made a Mistake” Magnus, still trying to convince himself this isn’t that bad actually, catches himself making a mental schedule for showering As Little As Socially Acceptable so he doesn’t have to see himself naked. Jonah Magnus is usually fastidiously clean, and can’t stand the feel of going more than two days without a shower. Jonah Magnus suddenly prefers that to seeing himself naked any more than necessary. Jonah Magnus finally admits that he made a mistake. Jonah Magnus is starting to understand what the words “gender dysphoria” and also “male privilege” mean and he’s hating every moment of it. 

And then he forgets to take the birth control that this body was on and its period comes back with a vengeance and he does something he never does and calls Peter, screaming about how he’s LITERALLY DYING and Peter is like “you know women have periods right.” 

“WHAT” 

“Yeah they bleed every month” 

“They WHAT?? EVERY MONTH???” 

“...Jonah you serve the Eye. How do you not know basic human biology” 

Jonah “Too Proud to Admit that the Information on Coochie is Buried Under Years and Years of Occult Secrets and Sexy Robert Smirke Moments” Magnus: “I KNOW!! I JUST--IT’S COMPLETELY IRRATIONAL THAT IT HURTS THIS MUCH” 

“Yes” 

“THIS CAN’T BE NORMAL” 

“Yes it can” 

“I’M DYING AND ALSO I’M STAINING ALL MY SHEETS THIS IS HORRIBLE” 

“All of these are things I’ve heard my sisters say.” 

“NO IT--wait really” 

“They talked way too much. Really weren’t suited for Forsaken. I was so glad when they left. Partly because I was a squeamish little boy who really didn’t want to hear about their girl puberty issues any more” 

“Hang on, I’m NOT dying?” 

“Probably not. Do you have any painkillers? Get in a hot bath and wait it out.” 

“HOW LONG???” 

“Euuughgjs I dunno maybe like a week? Ask a woman” 

“A WEEK?? WHAT?? I’M GOING TO DIE PETER I CAN’T ENDURE THIS FOR A WEEK” 

“You.... didn’t think about this BEFORE you stole the body?” 

“Y-YES OF COURSE I DID” 

“Jonah Magnus, world’s greatest occultist and scholar, forgot to do his research?” 

“THAT’S NOT IT, I JUST DIDN’T THINK IT WOULD BE THIS BAD,,, PETER YOU’RE LYING TO ME PETER PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE LYING I CAN’T TAKE A WEEK OF THIS PETER” 

“I said I don’t know. A week sounds right but I could be totally wrong. Ask a woman.” 

“I DON’T KNOW ANY WOMEN THAT I CAN ASK AWKWARD QUESTIONS OF” 

“Go to the library” 

“I CAN’T I’M IN PAIN AND BLEEDING ALL OVER EVERYTHING” 

“Oh, yeah, there should be stuff for that. You’re in, uh, the former body’s apartment right? She’s probably got like, what are they called? Feminine pads?” 

“WHAT? PETER I’M AN ADULT I’M NOT WEARING A DIAPER” 

“Okay, have fun getting the bloodstains out of everything you own.” 

“HOW DO WOMEN LIVE LIKE THIS” 

“I don’t know. Rather impressive really.” 

“FUCK” 

He caves and goes to young Gertrude and is like “listen if you tell anyone this I’ll destroy your life but I’m actually an ancient bodyhopping bastard and this is my first time in a female body and I’m in hell please help me” and that’s how this Gertrude finds out who Jonah Magnus is

Elias Bouchard gets snagged for the next transfer because, yeah he’s kind of a weird pick for next Head of the Institute and people might talk but Jonah is Desperate at this point and Elias more or less fits his MO as far as physical traits go at least 

Peter is so relieved to have A Husband when he gets back that he doesn’t even complain about Elias picking a blond just because he knows Peter doesn’t like it. And for once Elias didn’t even do it on purpose, he was just in a hurry to get out of the Hell Dysphoria Body and took the first option he saw. 

The formerly-plagued-by-nightmares barista at Jonah’s favorite coffee shop stops seeing the increasingly depressed-looking woman who’d been coming in, but now there’s a nice young who smiles like the sun when she calls him Sir and it’s such a nice smile that she feels a deep sense of warmth and contentment and only thinks good thoughts for the rest of the day. She falls asleep content in the knowledge that all her friends love and appreciate her and that she makes the best coffee in London and for the next week she has pleasant, restful dreams that she can’t remember but that she wakes up from smiling. 

Elias Bouchard quietly starts offering trans-inclusive health benefits to employees of the Magnus Institute. Martin Blackwood, Broke Trans Guy In Need of a Job, instantaneously appears on the doorstep. 

[daughtersofexiles]

Hiatus; Lucille Delancey

|| So, to make a very long story short, my grandfather died— we knew it would eventually come, but he took a sudden turn in the last 24 hours. Since a lot of Lucille Delancey’s characterization comes from some personal stuff I’m putting under the cut to get off of my chest, I need to put her on hiatus until I can process some shit. I have always used Lucille as a way to vent in a way, but the things I’m feeling right now make it very hard to pin down her character. If we have threads, I’ll be saving them for when I can focus.

Wall of text under the cut i might delete later. It’s more my way of getting this out than anything else/

I’m gonna be blunt bc I don’t believe in sugarcoating it: my grandfather was an extremely abusive alcoholic towards my mom and uncle when they were kids up until my grandmother divorced him. The part about Phineas Delancey pointing a gun at Morris when their mom was threatening to leave? Came from my grandfather. Having Oscar beat Morris with a belt to punish them both when drunk? Happened to my mom and uncle when they were >10. Got so high off of uppers at work that he needed to drink in order to make himself calm down—even having his kids pick up his drugs once? Grandfather did it throughout my mom’s childhood. Had tons of affairs and didn’t even bother hiding it? Yep, grandfather. He was bad enough that he told my mom she was dead to him after she called the cops when he tried to strangle my grandmother to death— and my mom ended up paying for her own car insurance and repairs from that day on at 16 as a punishment. His new wife once threatened to kill my older sister and I after I was born (so 1.5 years old and like 3 months old) when my mom went back to work at the hospital night shift just because she hates her for being his “real” daughter… and he did nothing and is still married to her.

He did so much more that makes me feel sick to even think about, and i don’t know if I can forgive him like my mom has— especially when he hasn’t ever been a man enough to apologize for what he’s done even after he stopped drugs and drinking. My mom and my uncle are the real victims. I based most of the anger management and trauma that I write Lucille and her brothers having on what I have seen in my family. Hell, Violet has a little bit of it too, because it is so deeply rooted in my memories. My mom constantly worries about how she handled things when my sister and I were kids, because she never knows if she was too harsh or manipulative like he was. I remember once when my grandfather was coming to our church, and she had a panic attack before we left even though he’d been sober for over five years just at the thought of seeing him.

He always had the chance to talk to us, but my mom told him he had to be sober first. He didn’t get sober until I was 10 years old— I’d only ever seen him at funerals and the family reunion before then. I don’t blame her for it— he was known for manipulation and emotional abuse back then, and she refused to let us get hurt like she was. How did we find out? He stalked my mother’s Facebook to find out we would be in another state seeing his ex-wife’s family (my great grandma), drove 12 hours to their house, and showed up to say he was a changed man and was now going to church again— when he lived just 30 minutes away from our house. He has missed every graduation, chorus concert, theatre production, birthday party, and church function; he has never sent a single goddamn card, or called me on my birthday, or even checked in on me to see how I was doing after my wreck. Hell, when I had my wreck (in which I flipped my car three times), he was so far from a priority to call in the family that my mom called his sister with every update as I was being released from the trauma unit, who then called to tell him when I was being released and we all realized no one thought to inform him until almost 12 hours later. My mom never lied to us; she told us the truth as long as we were old enough to understand. Your grandfather lives in (city) turned into a later discussion on how that city is only 10 minutes from our church, his behavior was explained as him being very mean at times to us being told he was an alcoholic and abusive when she was growing up, and so on.

Right now, I’m honestly angry at him, because I don’t even have a picture of myself with him to post on Facebook, or a memory to talk about at his visitation. We have had a family reunion every year for sixteen years this October, and never once did he ask for a picture with me. I’ve got pictures of me at that reunion with my great aunt, my second cousins, my great grandmother… but not my own grandfather. Now he’s dead, and I never will have a picture with him. I got to see him Sunday, and he told me he loved me, but I’ve never felt loved by him. I’ve always felt like I was a piece of his past life he didn’t want to deal with; he raised his step-grandchildren and put them in expensive private schools and paid their college tuition, but never even sent his own granddaughter a birthday card or acknowledged her graduation announcement (either one!!). I’m angry, and I’m hurt, and I wish I had more to say than asking why the hell he didn’t try before he knew he was dying, let alone try to reach out in the three months of hospice. He never went on bedrest or painkillers until today, so why couldn’t he attempt to speak to me? I shouldn’t have had to beg my own grandfather to want me in his life.

[armandyke]

What do you think is good/not so good about birth control?

Good (most of these apply to me personally and aren’t general aksjdha): 

- I can now function as a person while on my period instead of being crippled in bed for two days because my cramps are so bad I can’t move (I still get bad cramps but nowhere near the level they were before bc and painkillers get rid of them)

- My iron levels are way better (still not good but better, I was anaemic because my periods were so heavy I lost shit loads of iron every month)

- Related to prev. statement, I now don’t have to wear overnight pads during the day and change them every hour because I get lighter periods now (I only use the lightest flow pads now)

- My titties increased in size by the smallest margin 

- No more surprise periods because bc keeps them 100% regulated

- Can also choose to skip a period completely if it aligns with an event or anything

Not so good: 

- Have to remember to take a pill every day which, even with reminders set on my phone, I still struggle with 

- One time I just puked completely randomly and the only thing I could link it to was the fact that I’d taken my bc pill the night before for the first time in a week after my period ended?? But it’s only happened once in the 5 years so I still don’t know if it was actually that?? 

- I know a lot of people experience all kinds of side effects with different bc I was just super lucky that the first pill my nurse tried me on worked perfectly for me

[digimmortality-archive]

starter guide to my OCs under the cut! warning: there are a lot and i am trash for using the same FCs, but whatever whatever. <3

Alyssa Montgomery ( faceclaim: mackenzie davis ):  - tattoo artist  - single mom, very active in her kid’s life and very much involved in pta like things  - terribly romantic and loves being in love and doesn’t know when too much is enough

Aruna Charan ( faceclaim: naomi scott ):  - high school drop out  - lost in life and has no idea what to do or where to go  - uses humor as a way to cover up insecurities

Asurael ( faceclaim: jim caviezel ):  - fallen angel mercenary  - very much a damaged angel who is overcome with rage and anger at the thing who ripped off his wings  - also really oblivious to the way the modern world works, and isn’t very good with social cues

Avery Lucas ( faceclaim: chloe bennett ):  - destiny 2 based titan in fireteam aeternum  - in modern verse, she’s an underground fighter  - sees the fun in all things violent and is really just the type of person to see joy in life always

Cameron McCormick ( faceclaim: hugh dancy ):  - accountant / underground crime boss  - literally a serial killer with ASPD  - only cares about two or three people in separate verses, and will do anything to protect them

Donovan Crayford ( faceclaim: michael malarkey ):  - auto mechanic  - spent most of his life dating kiana before breaking it off when she returned from overseas  - tries to spread joy where he can, volunteers in his spare time at shelters and hospitals

Dylan Abernathy ( faceclaim: amy acker ):  - farmer / veteran  - literal human sunshine who makes it her goal to brighten the day of whoever she comes across  - most of the workers on her farm were homeless before she met them and offered them a place to work and live

Estela Tavares ( faceclaim: becky g ):  - high demon queen, previously a succubus  - feeds off of the literal life essence of humans and various other beings  - overly cocky / confident and believes she can do no wrong

Gavin Fischer ( faceclaim: cody christian ):  - kind of a deadbeat genius  - works as a waiter in a local steakhouse to help provide for his three siblings and parents  - dreams of one day being a physicist and discovering new things and being able to earn a lot of money so his parents and siblings never have to want again

Grayson Hauser ( faceclaim: tahmoh penikett ):  - POI based ISA / Samaritan agent  - comes off really gruff and stoic / flat effect almost  - soft when it comes to the people he cares about, will protect them, oblivious to the bigger picture and only follows orders

Isaac Harding ( faceclaim: tyler hoechlin ):  - private detective, specializing in the supernatural  - injured knee, addicted to coffee and nicotine  - soft spoken and studious, tends to go out of his way to complete a case, even when the danger is high

Jac Miller ( faceclaim: phoebe tonkin ):  - derby girl / pyrokinetic + empath  - has absolutely no control of her powers and the empathy makes her lose control more often than not  - definitely a wild child, feels too much ALWAYS even without her empathy

Jasper Davis ( faceclaim: chris wood ):  - destiny 2 based warlock of fireteam aeternum  - the gothest boy ever  - is part of a warlock order called the thanatonauts, in which he dies voluntarily to experience visions before being revived

Joey Belmont ( faceclaim: stella maeve ):  - atomic blonde based double agent ( CIA / SVR )  - spends a lot of her time undercover in the US investigating   - never shows who she really is and crafts a different personality for every meeting, in actuality a very lonely, dark person

Katia Boystov ( faceclaim: lyndsy fonseca ):  - gta based crew assassin  - runs with an all female crew and is known for how loud her assassinations are  - her personality is much like her style of violence: wild and in your face

Ke'aslas ( faceclaim: charlie cox ):  - elder god based oc  - was summoned to earth eons ago and has been existing just underneath the surface  - once technology began to uprise, they poured their essence into it. flickering lights? static on a tv? look closer and you will see and hear Them.

Kiana Razavi ( faceclaim: sarah shahi ):  - air force veteran  - severe ptsd. night terrors, flashbacks.   - the softest but also literally the most pathetic. latches onto any kindness and very easily falls in love because she craves affection and attention

Lex Stovall ( faceclaim: amy acker ):  - fuckboy neurosurgeon  - amab feminine agender person ( she/ her pronouns, male and nb titles ( dr, sir, mx, etc )  - too cocky and confident to function tbh. addicted to painkillers and drinks too much wine. afraid of commitment after her divorce

Mitchell Calloway ( faceclaim: jason bateman ):  - assistant district attorney  - very much the smarmy villain type you would expect him to be  - he’s charming in a way that seems unsettling and only in it for the money

Oliver Ward ( faceclaim: matthew gray gubler ):  - continuing ed. english professor, only teaches night classes  - very soft and very gay man who finds joy in fictional stories and fantasy  - somehow has his life together but looks a mess always, very disorganized and very disheveled

Owen Rebours ( faceclaim: richard harmon ):  - destiny 2 based hunter of fireteam aeternum  - the quietest hunter on the front. very focused on making sure the job is done, but loves the challenge  - has a gambling problem, but bets only on crucible matches and never plays himself

Rosalind Harston ( faceclaim: olivia taylor dudley ):  - late 1800s vampire  - nearly feral and lacks a humanity. her feralness translates into a sense of uncaring and feeds without remorse  - tends to prey on the stronger because the challenge is greater

Rosana Naceri ( faceclaim: sarah shahi ):  - psychology professor / self help book author  - completely fucked up after witnessing her father kill her mom and translates that into trying to help others, though does not follow her own advice  - rarely speaks unless its needed, and is quick to anger or judgement

Rowan Knight ( faceclaim: katie mcgrath ):  - up and coming mob queen  - ambitious to a fault and tends to take her anger and frustration out on those close to her  - prefers ruling from a perch and doesn’t like getting her hands dirty, but will if she has to 

Roya Veisi ( faceclaim: sarah shahi ):  - ex marine bodyguard  - is the type that feels too much and thinks its a weakness, so she comes off as stoic and unfeeling  - lets her anxieties get the better of her when it comes to social situations

Savina ( faceclaim: alycia debnam carey ):  - feral werewolf   - literally acts like more animal than person, has lived on her on in the wilds since she was young bc separated from her pack / family  - is barely in control of her beast and spends a lot of time trying to figure out how to get in under wraps without knowing how

Siya Parekh ( faceclaim: naomi scott ):  - literal princess of a made up city ( gotta write this up )  - very prim and proper in public but is also politely sarcastic in a way that turns heads  - tends to leave other royalty and politicians confused and surprised at how well she navigates matters

Theo Bradford ( faceclaim: jeffrey dean morgan ):  - physics professor  - single dad, divorced and estranged from his ex wife  - shy, quiet kind of guy. keeps to himself mostly and focuses more on his work and providing for his daughter

Tobias Gallo ( faceclaim: sean teale ):  - background vocalist of an indie band  - mainly sings, but also plays violin and wants to break off from the band and start his own career  - goes with the flow most of the time and pours his heart and soul into his music

Victor Moreno ( faceclaim: diego luna ):  - account executive for ford motors  - a blind man and uses a cane rather than a seeing eye dog   - finds fun and joy in literally every moment, and goes out of his way to make sure the people around him are also seeing things in a new light ( figuratively )

[dippedanddripped]

Using the power of music to get better, both mentally and physically, and live well can pay rich dividends, writes Rashmi Ramesh A nine-year-old, who’d never uttered a word all his life, spoke for the first time during a music session. His first word was “open”. Diagnosed with autism, the boy had been non-verbal until then. The development came as a pleasant surprise to Purvaa Sampath—currently India’s only CBMT (Certification Board for Music Therapists)-certified music therapist and neurologic music therapist who was an intern at the time. “With that boy, my supervisor and I had developed a song where he would knock on the drum when we prompted him to. I was leading the session and began the song. When I got to the part about knocking, the song went ‘Who’s that knocking on the door?’ and instead of just knocking on the drum, he looked straight at me and said the word ‘open’. That was the first time he’d ever said a word and it was a huge moment for me, my supervisor, his teacher as well as his family. And this word came after months of music therapy,” Sampath said. Brand SolutionsIndustry exposure crucial for students of life sciences, say experts at UPES conclaveWith music therapy, consistency, patience and practice are key, according to her. Akanksha Pandey, consultant clinical psychologist at Fortis Hospital in Bengaluru, said music is an expressive therapeutic tool that helps people improve their physical and mental health — it relaxes the mind and has a functional effect on the brain. “The therapeutic role of music has been recognised since ancient times, through texts such as Raga Chikitsa, and has the support of current research as well, which talks about the physiological benefits of music on the immune system, the benefits of music for relaxation and stress management, the application of music to improve memory and attention, as well as music-induced long term changes in the behaviour of depressed elderly people,” Pandey said. “Music therapy, as a model, was initially designed for psychiatric patients to help them channel their pent-up and conflicting emotions. But with some modifications, it is now also used to address anxiety, sleep disturbance, and improve one’s ability to identify and communicate needs, thoughts and feelings in a productive manner,” she said. Dr Sahil Kohli, consultant (neurology) at Gurugrambased Narayana Super Speciality Hospital, said there's evidence that music has a calming influence on the body and mind, as it produces endorphins — natural painkillers usually produced during a happy state of mind — thus, lowering stress and anxiety, and promoting relaxation by reducing muscle tension. "Young people with anxiety issues can focus better, avoid distraction and negative thoughts, and increase productivity," said Kohli. Music therapy is an intersection between psychology, neuroscience and music to observe how music affects the brain and how various tools in music such as rhythm, pitch, melody and timbre can be used to address clients’ challenges, Sampath said. Music is known to speed up recovery too. "Music therapy promotes consciousness among patients in a coma, especially after a head injury or during metabolic coma. Listening to their favourite music helps in recovering from memory lapses faster and more effectively, even among patients with early memory loss," Kohli said. Education VS Therapy “The end goal of music therapy is a nonmusical one, whereas in music education, the end goal is a musical one,” said Sampath. “For example, if I’m working on playing the piano with a client who has come to me for music therapy with the challenge of fine motor skills, then my end goal for using the piano in the session is for the client to work on their fine motor skills of using their finger. However, if I were teaching someone how to play the piano, the end goal would be for them to learn and reproduce whatever we did on the piano; so the end goal here is a musical skill.” Who is it for? Pandey has suggested music therapy to many of her clients, especially people with anxiety disorders. “Many of them have said that it has helped them calm down. I often use music while doing relaxation training or visual imagery for anxiety, stress and anger issues,” said Pandey. There is no age limit in terms of the benefit that one can get. “The youngest client I’ve worked with was two and the oldest 97. I’ve worked with children and adults on the autism spectrum, traumatic brain injuries, stroke, cerebral palsy, learning difficulties, intellectual and cognitive challenges, Down syndrome, Alzheimer’s, dementia, Parkinson’s and an entire range of mental health disorders, including schizophrenia, depression, personality disorders and anxiety disorders,” said Sampath. What’s special about it? “Music is one of the few activities that engage both the right and the left hemispheres of your brain. So when you actively participate in music by singing or playing an instrument, multiple areas of your brain are working. Our brains have the ability to create new neural pathways to relearn skills like speech, cognitive abilities and physical abilities. So music is an integral part of getting the brain to create these connections and strengthen them,” Sampath said. While music therapy has a lot of benefits, it must be stressed that it is most effective when used along with psychotherapy and/or medical treatment, Kohli added. Ancient Panacea An established health profession now, music therapy is a concept that was popularised in south India by Carnatic musician M Balamuralikrishna in the 1980s. But this form of therapy has roots going all the way back to 4th century BC, and that’s just in India • Aristotle claims that in some people, the effect of religious melodies that thrill the soul resembles those who have undergone medical treatment and mental catharsis • Thirteenth century Arab hospitals had music rooms to help with healing • Hippocratic tradition laid emphasis on applying natural methods of healing in medical practice, and Hippocrates, the father of modern medicine, was said to have played music to treat patients with mental health issues • Ancient Hindus believed that suffering caused by man’s uncontrolled thinking could be handled by music therapy • Swami Haridas, a classical musician who lived in the 16th century, was one of the many who used music to treat illnesses • A 17th century work Sangita Sudha by Nayaka king Raghunatha Nayak and his minister Govinda Dikshitar gives an account of the effects of music on emotions • Ancient works collected by King Sahaji (1684-1711), which have been preserved in the Thanjavur Saraswathi Mahal Library in the form of palm leaf manuscripts, serve as a record of remedial use of music in psychological ailments • Raga Chikitsa was the original Sanskrit treatise that dealt with curative ragas with mood-enhancing characteristics • Regular exposure to a specific raga under particular conditions has been known to have particular effects. While Nilambari raga can induce sleep, Bilahari, a joy-producing raga, helps alleviate one’s melancholic mood and Sama raga can reduce anxiety • Apparently, some ragas are earmarked for the nine emotions or navarasas. Some ragas, claim musicians, have healing effects as these nine emotions rule our body and mind Source: Indian Journal of Psychiatry