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#part three hurts SO GOOD
flowerflamestars · 1 year
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Timeloop au snippet
“Honestly,” Lucien murmured, soft bird song painting the air like colors existed that weren’t silver, like he’d been thinking about beauty or wonder or anything but her living, this glorious, quiet place he’d brought her, “I have nowhere to go.”   No point in lying to her.   No doubt she’d see through him.   Even wet, even rasped from her throat, Nesta’s laugh had a sting to it. “Bullshit. You’re heir to three Courts. You’re the only faery of any rank the humans will treat with.”   Just Lucien and Jurian, trying to help with what had only been harm for so long Lucien let every insult, every horror, slide right off him.   “Not so much,” Lucien admitted. “Not anymore.”   “Anymore what, Vanserra?” She’d gone sharp, suddenly, stillness a razor edge.   “They tried to kill me,” Lucien sighed. Breathed. How could he blame them? Who was he to say that a thousand years of slavery didn’t deserve recompense? That Hyberns machinations had been repaid? Lucien was High Fae. It wasn’t the fault of mortals he’d tried to bury his own losses in a quest to help them. “A few times. I’m no longer welcome on the continent.”   “I’m not a project,” Nesta hissed, deathly. “Because you need something to do with your bleeding goddamn heart. I’m not going to fuck you. I’m not an Archeron you can have.”   You had to be a body, to bleed.   Lucien felt like more magic than person, most of the time. Caged in useless goddamn bones, had been so useless-   “Funny,” he admitted, hollow, honest heart pounding away, because he was just flesh and blood, fire and fervor, and he wasn’t ashamed but he was so, so, so tired, “I can’t fuck anyone.”   It unwound her, just a little.   “There’s potions for that.”   And just as sudden as she’d taken him off guard the first time, every time, forty eight insane hours and her devastating, endangered delight- Lucien laughed. “Not for losing your mind every time someone touches you.”   Nesta’s grip on his wrist disappeared so quickly it might not have existed at all. Might never had been, had Lucien not turned, looked up from the floor to her white, furious face, shadows beneath her eyes deeper than bruises.   “You’re fine,” Lucien murmured. “I”- he had to swallow. Stop. Breathe as he’d been teaching himself just to fucking breathe. Stop himself from saying something as deranged as the fact that a woman who’d drowned in his arms less than two nights ago felt absolutely safe, to him.   Lucien was a very fine liar, could manage most of the time, but Nesta- whirling in his arms, dying in his arms, stopping his fucking heart, all silver fire-   Nesta Archeron was something else entirely, and it was not the time or the place to even think it.   “I’ll tell you,” Lucien said, slowly. “And you tell me. Please.”
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moeblob · 2 months
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I am really tired of a situation rn.
#fe three houses#felix hugo fraldarius#me using felix on my angy days because he is my angersona? you bet!#anyway if you want to try to get someones money or something bc you hurt your own car banging into mine#can you try to be a bit more timely with it buddy come on you hit me on feb29 !#why am i getting your insurance company calling me today !#also i would like to point out i didnt do it and neither of us were hurt and i filed a claim with my own insurance comp#and also filed a police report bc he didnt even suggest calling the cops to the scene#so like yeah hey man maybe you and your insurance company can move a lil faster or smth#literally everything that happened the day of is - according to my dad - an intimidation tactic#i look like im 15 and he probably thinks he can take advantage of a new driver but ya know! tough luck!#im just really tired and stressed over multiple things not negative so getting this on top of it was like#bro .................... anyway my phone didnt pick up for some reason so i called back and then nothing got resolved#cause the person who actually called me wasnt around to connect the line to from the guy who answered#idk man just its a lot despite my v minimal energy#got a job interview on monday tho ! and then also next week is an eye exam#and you might be thinking isnt that a good thing to get your eyes checked? you are correct but i am horrified#there are two body parts that give me absolute anxiety and eyes are one of them#and i know my eye sight is declining and im just v anxious#its fine im going to be fine i just have to be anxious about it
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henrybelly · 7 months
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honestly when i tried to figure out why some fans are so mad at ivypool these days i was looking through avos and. the scene where ivypool apologises to twigpaw for not supporting sending a patrol for skyclan is genuinely very sweet??
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i actually saw someone characterize this as "ivypool forcing twigpaw to forgive her". is it crack you smoke. is that what you smoke. you smoke crack?
#she apologises THREE SEPARATE TIMES#she acknowledges that dovewing and tigerheart's situation made her ignore twigpaw's feelings#she reassures twigpaw that this is the right thing for the clans. she tells her she's proud of her & tc is lucky to have her#you guys do understand that to apologise you have to Do Something Wrong?? or is that the part that's so unforgivable?#i am fASCINATED by the treatment of dove and ivy by the fans in recent years#i'm still pondering it but i think there are a few root causes#1) I think a lot of people read oots as kids and hated dove & identified with ivy because of the underdog storyline#maybe this fandom worship of dovewing is kinda part of that? wanting to feel like you've grown out of fandom misogyny?#but i also feel like 2) tigerdove has really increased dovewing's popularity#and i think because ivypool is so staunchly opposed to their relationship people then have to villainise ivypool#3) is maybe too spicy of a take but to be honest#i think people are subconsciously way more comfortable with a woman whose story ends in heterosexual marriage and childrearing#dovewing's mom role in TBC to shadowsight probably helped her popularity#so ivypool whose relationship w Fernsong & her kits is much less of a focus. and is mUCH less maternal#and who still exhibits Ugly Female Emotions like anger and hurt#and who God Forbid now holds a position of authority...#is too complicated to fit into :) she's such a good mom :) she's such a good mate#dovewing is easier to like because she tends to be a victim of circumstances (🤫 and often lacks agency in her storylines)#since ivypool regularly uses her agency to Fuck Up#fans revert to idealising dovewing because not only is she too good to do bad things. she also doesn't do Things in general#never mind that ivypool is the one who sacrifices and apologises#anyway <3 i think if i made a full analysis of ivy and dove post OOTS i would get too many spicy anons so i will cower in the tags
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afewproblems · 1 year
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Part Two of my Mean!Eddie Misunderstandings WIP
You can read Part One Here
CW: The F-slur is used in this once, and it will show up in part three once. It's use is treated with a lot of negative weight with the context of how it is used and who used it (an atagonist that does not physically appear in this story) I do apologize if this language is upsetting to read - it was certainly upsetting to write.
***
"What the fuck Eddie," Mike snarls, he stands up so abruptly his chair nearly topples over.
Dustin is also on his feet the second Harrington disappears into the kitchen, he looks at Eddie once, his expression stormy, before following through the doorway.
Silence has spread over the room, slowly oozing around to fill each nook and cranny, it makes his skin itch as Eddie shifts, he goes to cross his arms over his chest but stops with a roll of his shoulders, he’s cool, a regular fucking cucumber right?
Except Will won't look him in the eyes and Lucas won't stop, he glares at Eddie with open disappointment.
Jeff clears his throat, he meets Eddie's gaze and tilts his head towards the door, as though trying to beam the thought directly into Eddie’s mind, ‘let’s get the fuck out of here before our welcome wears out’.
Eddie nods and both men turn to Gareth, considering he’s their ride it all kind of hinges on him.
Gareth stares straight ahead, pointedly ignoring everyone at the table, he wipes his face roughly with the hand not holding onto his character mini and drops it roughly onto the table.
"Oh what?" Eddie bites out, his chest suddenly fills with hot shame that smothers his heart, "I didn't say anything that wasn't true". 
Eddie wants to snatch the words out of the air as soon as they escape, banish them from existence, but they seem to hang in the dining room between him and the kids.
Gareth shakes his head and stands up from his seat, he starts to silently clean up the table, collecting the miniatures and his own papers, Will moves to help while Mike seethes in the corner or the room, his head swivels back and forth from glaring at Eddie and back to the door that Dustin disappeared behind.
"You've been weird all night man," Lucas says harshly, he stands up and makes his way towards the kitchen door which bursts open to reveal a furious Dustin who stomps back into the room and begins collecting his things, haphazardly throwing sheets of notepaper and dice into his backpack --not even bothering to put his dice in the little drawstring cloth bag his mom made him. 
"Woah woah woah," Eddie says sharply, he stands, knocking back his chair which scapes loudly against the hardwood floor "what the fuck are you doing Henderson?" 
Dustin ignores him and continues packing, he reaches for the miniature that Gareth moved onto the table and stops as Eddie snatches  it away from his hand.
Dustin meets Eddie’s gaze, wearing a matching mutinous glare. 
“Give it back,” Will interjects with a soft but firm voice, his gaze is unwavering as he stands up and moves towards Dustin’s side of the table. He also has his backpack slung over his shoulder --when the hell did that happen?
“But you--”
“EDDIE,” Gareth shouts, his eyes are wide, face pinched into a grimace. 
Gareth takes a second to breathe after the outburst and swallows harshly, ignoring the eyes on him, "I think it's safe to say we aren’t playing tonight man". 
The whole night is unraveling around him, everything he planned for the evening, the meticulous character beats he mapped out based on the backstories everyone crafted, the NPC’s he researched at the library -dodging Mrs. Depencier between the stacks before she could try to kick him out.
The homebrew monster, the final boss he had mashed together out of three different beasts in his well worn copy of the monster manual. 
He had prepped all of it for tonight, he'd been excited, ready to show off his skills in a new environment, maybe show off a little bit for--
Oh. 
Oh fucking hell. 
Eddie wants to kick himself. Hard. Repeatedly. 
Eddie wanted to see what Steve would think, this was going to be the performance of a lifetime and he had catapulted himself directly into the sun without hesitation. 
Tonight had been ruined, mostly by himself --not Steve. 
An oily thought creeps in and whispers in his ear, 'so what? It isn't as though King-Steve hadn't ruined plenty of things for you before, your first two senior years were dog shit before people started to forget about the whole--' 
Eddie shakes his head harshly and scrubs both hands over his face, the rings catch lightly in his hair and tug as he bring them down. 
"I'll call my mom to come get us, I'm sure she'll be happy it's so early," Lucas mumbles before he gets up from his seat and slowly makes his way towards the kitchen door to use the landline. The door swings softly shut with a quiet snick.
The silence in the room is heavy, only punctuated by Mike muttering under his breath to Will and Dustin as he snatches several things from the table and the floor. Lucas eventually reenters the dining room and Mike shoves an armful of note papers and Lucas's Human Cleric character sheet -which has become creased and wrinkled in Mike's frenzy, towards Lucas and Dustin.
"Figure out whose is whose later, let's just go if we're done, I'd rather walk," Mike snarls as he looks over his shoulder at Eddie, Gareth, and Jeff. 
"Jesus Mike," Lucas mutters, "gonna have to rewrite this whole thing out now," he pauses as he looks Eddie up and down with narrow eyes, "maybe".
Lucas shakes his head, "anyway, mom is on her way, she's happy to come get us early so she'll drop you guys off, she's taking the van".  
Mike nods, the perpetual sneer on his face deepens as he walks towards the hall leading to the front entryway, "I'm waiting outside, are you guys coming or not?"
The kids file out through the hallway, one by one without looking back, leaving Eddie, Jeff,and Gareth standing around the empty dining room table.
They freeze at the sight of a long, deep, scratch in the center of the wood. 
Had that been there before?
A pit begins to form in Eddie's stomach, cavernous and deep, he sweats at the sight of it. 
"Shit," he whispers, mostly to himself, but Jeff catches it. 
"That was there before man," Jeff murmurs, though the conviction isn't quite there, he stares at the table before raising his eyes to look at Gareth, "right?"
"I don't fucking know man," Gareth hisses, he also has his messenger bag now slung across his shoulder.
"I'm not sticking around to get blamed for trashing Harringtons table," Jeff says lowly, he's already backing up towards the hallway leading to the front entrance, "I’m not afraid to take your car Gar, hurry it up," he says before turning on his heel and walking down the hall, Eddie flinches at the sound of the door slamming shut behind them. 
Gareth curses under his breath and steps away from the table, “Well,” he huffs, “are you happy?”
Eddie's jaw drops as the words hit him square in the chest, "What? Gar--"
"No," Gareth says sharply, the volume steadily rising as he steps closer to Eddie and jabs a rigid finger into his chest, "are you happy with how this went? Does this finally make you feel better?" 
"Cuz, we don't care if you're friends with him or if you hate the guy," Gareth shakes his head once and steps back, away from Eddie's space, "Maybe Jeff does a little bit, but he's just being protective I think". 
Gareth waves his arms as though to clear the tangent away, "it doesn't matter, the point is, you're acting like it's still highschool and this," Gareth gestures towards the table, "is fucking mean man". 
A car horn beeps from outside startling both of them; Gareth sighs and shrugs the strap on his bag higher up his shoulder as he turns towards the hallway, "so if you want to hate the guy, stop stringing him along, it's bullshit".
Stop stringing him along.
Stringing him along?
The words echo again and again in his head, Eddie feels his chest tighten and grow cold as the words sink in, what the hell was Gareth talking about?
"If you don't want to be his friend just tell the guy, I don't understand what you're doing Ed?" Gareth says with a sigh.
The horn beeps again outside, Gareths eyebrow twitches once and his expression slowly twists from an irritated scowl to something close to murderous.
"Whatever," he huffs angrilly, "are you coming or not? It sounds like Jeff's about two seconds away from grand theft auto, and if he beeps the horn one more time I can't be held responsible for my actions". 
Eddie swallows harshly and nods, he steps back from the table, his legs sluggish in their response as he slowly trudges after Gareth. 
As Eddie moves through the hall, passing large framed art pieces and not a single family picture, he catches a whiff of something from the kitchen, warm pastry? Something savory he imagines. 
Eddie ignores the queasy lurch in his gut at the thought that whatever Steve had made that night didn't even make it past the kitchen. 
***
If you had asked Eddie back in highschool to give you his opinion on the social hierarchy of Hawkins High he would give you a fairly general answer.
You had your standard Asshole Jocks, your Narcissist Beauty Queen Cheerleaders, your Nerds with the smaller subsections of Band Geeks and Weirdos - everyone’s seen The Breakfast Club, it’s a no brainer really. 
Eddie was quite content to sneer and jeer with the best of them, focusing his ire on the very top, the Asshole Jocks that made it their mission to ruin the lives of anyone they deemed lower than themselves. Billy Hargrove and Tommy Hagan were the original worst of these with Jason Carver following close behind, but Harrington? King-Steve? He was a bit harder to pin down.
For Steve-the-Hair-Harrington, it would be a firm comparison to the grime in between Eddie’s toes after ten laps around the gym in socks he’d worn for three days.
Eddie could admit, if only to himself, that Harrington was certainly aesthetically attractive, with his tanned golden skin dotted with a constellation of moles that Eddie desperately wanted to play Connect the Dots with. The athletics uniform was criminally short, accentuating his long legs and strong thighs. More than once did Eddie ditch gym just to avoid making direct eye-contact with the outline of Harrington’s dick in that green scrap of fabric. 
Sue him, man was hot, but he was also a huge asshole.
Harrington was mean, whispering cruel things under his breath to Hagan and Perkins, snickering to himself when he made a particularly cruel observation about Joey MacDonald and his resemblance to a certain fast food clown - it wasn’t even clever given that it was only the kid’s last name, but the nickname followed that boy till he graduated along with the smell of old french fries that people would stuff in his locker between classes. And well, there was one other rumor he started, not that Eddie let it remotely bother him.
Fuck, Highschool kids were the worst.
But, then all of a sudden, here comes Harrington in his junior year with his usually handsome face beaten in and a haunted slump in his shoulders. And whoever had done it pulled no punches. Word around school was that Byers was the one that cleaned Harrington’s clock, over Nancy Wheeler of all people. And not only that, but King-Steve had been dumped by his two best friends, thrown away like an old piece of trash. 
Now again, Eddie never really gave much credence to rumors, especially the ones about himself, and given the way Hawkins High seemed to churn out a new rumor every other day this was more than likely an exaggeration. But with Hagan and Perkins giving Harrington a wide berth, and trading off glaring while hiding their kicked puppy expressions in their school books; the whole school watched as they were slowly replaced by Wheeler and Byers who encircled King-Steve, Ex-King now, with equally haunted expressions. It was even harder to argue with the evidence starring Eddie in the face.
They made absolutely no sense together, especially Byers; the three of them sitting at lunch in their own little world, with Harrington slowly slipping down the rungs and onto the bottom of the social ladder.
What on earth did Nancy Wheeler and Jonathan Byers even have in common with someone like Steve Harrington? 
Eddie hardly ever saw Harrington around school after that, if he did he was mostly alone or followed around by a gaggle of children from the Junior High down the street that followed him around like puppies. To think of Harrington and kids in the same sentence, that the former King had lowered himself to the likes of babysitting a bunch of brats - it was…weird to say the least. 
Especially given how Eddie knew who Steve was. Harrington wasn’t soft, he wasn’t kind, he was a bully and a thug with a glass jaw, the worst kind of pathetic that ever graced their shitty highschool halls and Fuck Him for doing the one thing that Eddie couldn’t even do.
Eddie would be repeating his senior year while the Ex-King asshole left it all behind him.
God dammit.
It wasn’t really until Chrissy Cunninham died in his uncle’s trailer that cool March evening all of four months ago that he even had an excuse to be in the same room as the ousted monarch - if you could count pressing a jagged bottle to Steve’s pretty throat and pressing his lithe frame into the corrugated aluminum wall of Rick’s boathouse. 
And Steve? Rumor spreading, ex-King, Asshole Jock, Steve Harrington, was not all that bad as it turned out? Eddie couldn’t really keep the thread of his arguments about Harrinton as Eddie was carried out through the last remaining portal out of the Upside Down, nestled safely in Steve’s arms.
The son of a bitch.
Suddenly, Steve is everywhere, chauffeuring the kids to the arcade, visiting Eddie in the hospital, bringing Wayne food to the trailer --because of course he likes to cook apparently? And Wayne just loves him, won’t shut up about, ‘that Harrington boy and his thoughtful casserole’, and ‘when’s the next time you’re going to bring that Harrington kid by?’
Then it’s movie nights with the kids, and Nancy, Jonathan, Robin, and Argyle, smoke sessions in the Byers backyard, pool days when the weather finally warms enough for the kids to jump in. God help him, Harrington is showing off even more skin than Eddie would like during these pool days, his little moles spread over the planes of his back and legs. Steve has more scars than Eddie remembers from the highschool Varsity swim meets but he’s not complaining. 
Stupid handsome jock.
Eddie feels like he’s gone crazy, like he’s the only one that feels this way, as if he’d been dropped into an alternate universe where everything was the same except for Steve Harrington. 
And given the fact that alternate dimensions actually exist, well, this theory is not actually that outlandish.
Especially because Steve was…nice okay? He was nice. Eddie had it right the first time when they were walking around that creepy Upside Down forrest, even if he hadn't fully believed it at the time, the words were apparently true.
Well they were true now anyway.
Steve was sweet, he was funny, he cared so so much, the kids loved him, and Eddie couldn't quite get the sound of Steve's musical laugh out of his head, or the way his hazel eyes crinkled in the corners when he smiled--
Fuck.
Steve was also best friends with Robin --someone Eddie knows that Steve would never have given the time of day back in highschool and the two are practically soulmates now. 
Eddie was fairly certain they weren’t dating because he’s also fairly certain he clocked Robin the same way she had clocked him after their second shared joint a few months back. 
She hasn't said anything but there was no mistaking the way her eyes trailed to the bandana in his back pocket and the way his own eyes landed on the little homemade pink triangle patch on her messenger bag.
And the way she had smiled at him after, it was small but the understanding and the feeling of being seen left him warm in a way he hadn't felt around a lot of people other than Wayne, Gareth, and Jeff. 
And then, of course, Steve had to go and ruin everything, offering up his own home for the next Hellfire club meeting. 
If it hadn’t meant Steve actually spending more than five minutes in passing with Jeff and Gareth it probably wouldn’t have been so stressful. 
And like the proverbial cherry on top, it had all blown up in his face.
The kids were actively avoiding him now, dodging his calls and making excuses about why they were busy, ranging from Will needing to help Jane with some kind of project she'd been working on, or Lucas citing babysitting duty for Erica --after having met Lady Applejack this was not as believable but Eddie let it go. 
Mike would grumble, clearly going off a script of some sort to keep his friends appeased, but with the lazy excuse of just being 'busy'. And, Mike being Mike, he'd follow it up with an ever so kind, 'get your head out of your asshole man, Will was our DM before and he'd have no problem picking up where we left off'.  
And didn't that sting just a bit? 
Dustin just refused to engage with Eddie, repeating the phrase, 'if you have a problem with Steve then you have one with me,' or the more eloquent, 'get bent'. 
Gareth wasn't much better. The last time Eddie was able to get him on the phone he’d told him to call when ‘his personal shit stopped interfering with Hellfire,’ and to, ‘get his head out of his ass sometime’. 
He and Mike needed to hang out more apparently.
It sucked, especially with how icy the kids have been towards him. Even Max, who must had heard about it all from Lucas, had taken it upon herself to avenge their babysitter, smearing mud on the front window of his van and writing, DICK, in bright red lipstick letters on every single side window. Eddie would be impressed if he wasn’t the one that had to clean it up. 
Jeff has been fairly tight lipped about it all, not really siding with Gareth or the kids, he and Eddie would still jam together but it wasn’t the same without their drummer. 
Without Hellfire or his band to practice with, Eddie is bored, which is never a good thing in his experience, and has time and time again led him to disaster. 
Which is how Eddie finds himself outside Family Video.
Eddie sits in his van for nearly twenty minutes before he ventures inside, scanning the windows relentlessly for any sign of Harrington or Buckley. It's the middle of the day on Tuesday, Keith is usually in on weekdays so he should be fine, what are the chances that the source of his recent frustrations would be working today of all days. 
Apparently pretty high.
The bell dings above Eddie as he swings the door open and the smell of stale popcorn hits him in the face as he steps over the threshold, there's no one at the counter --not a great sign since Keith usually posts up with a comic or a magazine up front so he can still look busy while watching for shoplifters. 
But it's fine, there's absolutely no sign of either of the Wonder Twins, it's fine.
Eddie takes another step and sees Jonathan and Argyle just behind the New Releases shelf, they've each got a tape in hand and seem to be arguing about which one they should go with.
Argyle spies Eddie first and waves jovially from their spot behind the shelf, Jonathan's gaze follows Argyle's and he lifts his hand in a half hearted wave, and jeez, tell a guy how you really feel, Eddie thinks to himself.
"What's up brochacho, how's it hangin'?" Argyle calls out as Eddie makes his way over with a smile, he ignores the stiffness in Jonathan’s posture and tries to focus on Argyle’s friendly grin.
"Eh," Eddie hums, throwing his hands in his back pockets, "can't complain too much, when you've literally been to Hell it puts things into perspective". 
Argyle nods and opens his mouth to say something when another voice joins them from behind Eddie. 
"If you're here to rent something, hurry up and get out," Robin growls nearly in his ear. 
Eddie flinches and turns around to face her, he almost stumbles backwards at the furious expression on her freckled face. Robin's blue eyes flash and pierce his own, her mouth stretches into a blunt line across her face. Robin's arms cross over her chest, covering her name tag and the 'Ask me for Help' button, she seems to stand taller than her actual height and Eddie feels as though he's somehow managed to shrink down to two inches tall.
"Hey hey miss Birdy, got any recommendations for a Friday night smoke sesh?" Argyle says warmly, if he's aware of the tension in the room he doesn't show it. 
"Monty Python, two rows over on the left," Robin mutters, her eyes never once leaving Eddie's face. 
"Choice pick, we got our movie man," Argyle crows to Jonathan as he puts back the Ferris Bueller tape and makes his way down the stacks. 
Jonathan's eyes flick between Eddie and Robin, he hesitates for just a moment before following after Argyle and leaving Eddie to his fate. 
"Okay listen--"
"No you listen," Robin snarls, stepping into his space and shoving a rigid pointer finger into his chest, "I don't know what you're problem is but if you're going to be an asshole, you can show yourself out before I do it for you". 
Eddie bristles slightly and lifts his hand to push hers away, "you talk to all of your customers like this Buckley?" 
Robin scoffs and steps back, as though reminded that they are in fact in public, "rent something then or get out," she bites out, turning on her heel and walking away to meet Argyle and Jonathan at the checkout.
Eddie feels his face twist into a fierce frown, he can't even rent movies in peace now without this thing hanging over his head, he hadn't even said anything that bad, this was getting ridiculous. 
The bell dings as Argyle and Jonathan leave, Argyle waves again, which Eddie returns unenthusiastically before stalking into the horror section in three strides. He snatches Children of the Corn off the shelf and stomps up to the desk. Robin's scowl matches his own as he reaches back to grab his wallet from the back pocket and --its not there. 
Eddies stomach plummets into the bottom of his shoes, he can see if in his minds eye on the desk in his bedroom, it's not even in the van where he could easily run and grab it, Shit.
"What?" Robin grumbles as Eddie opens and closes his mouth silently, cursing his own stupidity and the rapid flush creeping up his own neck. 
"Robin, I organized the back room, I still don't think that was really on the list but --oh!" Steve says as he walks towards them from the back of the store, a half door swings back and forth in his wake below a tiny hand written Employee's Only sign above the doorway.
Steve looks between the two of them, his face jumping through several expressions before settling on something carefully neutral, blank in a way Eddie hates.
"Hey Eddie," Steve says in that phoney cheerful customer service voice he made fun of just a few short weeks ago, Eddie remembers leaning over the counter and teasing Steve about it just to watch his ears turn pink.
But now they're here, and Steve is actually giving him the customer voice, like that's all he is now. 
Fuck.
"I uh," Eddie mumbles, hating the way he can feel his own face heat up, he wants the floor to swallow him up, banish him to the Underdark, "I was going to grab this, but I forgot my wallet, forget it". 
Robin smiles, almost triumphantly, and moves to lean against the front of the counter. Her left leg kicks out to cross in front of her right leg at the ankle, looking like the proverbial cat that caught the canary, Eddie hates her for just a moment.
"Its fine man," Steve hums, he takes the tape gently from Eddie's hands and walks around the counter to get to the computer, he starts typing and scans the movie before sliding it across the counter towards Eddie. Robin frowns and nearly stumbles in her attempt to move around to where Steve is standing.
"Steve," Robin hisses at him when she sees the computer screen, worry lines etch deep across her forehead and her mouth does this weird little wobble before creasing into a frown.
"Uh, seriously dude," Eddie mumbles, "I don't have my wallet and I don't have any change on me--" 
"Don't worry about it," Steve says smoothly without missing a beat, "Rob and I get free rentals once a month, just take mine". 
Eddies eyebrows rise slowly into the wispy bangs covering his forehead as Robin tisks loudly from beside Steve,
"What, just like that?" he says slowly, the words stick to his tongue which all of a sudden feels as though it's three times too big for his own mouth. Why the fuck was Harrington being so nice to him, like the other night didn't matter at all. 
"Yup," Steve says simply, he doesn't pop the 'p' like he used to, and his face is so neutral and smooth. It's not back to their normal after all, but what was he expecting, nothing was.
"Anything else we can do? I gotta get back to rewinding the tapes," Steve says as he jerks his thumb towards the back room again. 
Steve hesitates for a second, he's still facing Eddie and looks as though he's on the verge of saying something, his large hazel eyes dart back and forth between Eddies own for a moment, before he lifts his right hand to roughly pinch at the bridge of his nose once before the hand sweeps into his hair, pushing it away from his face. 
Robin, who had been watching them like a far more predatory bird than her namesake, steps closer and knocks into Steve's shoulder gently.
"Remember, they are organized and outnumber us like 200 to one," she barks, saluting him with her left hand, "don't rewind till you see the whites of their tape cases".
Steve's blank expression cracks with a small smile, he reaches up to switch out her left hand with her right and then draws himself up to his full height. 
Steve squares his shoulders, "if the tapes claim me, don't be a hero Buckley, remember me fondly".
She snorts and shakes her head as he brushes past her, Steve looks over his shoulder once at Eddie before disappearing into the back once more. 
Eddie watches him leave, the Children of the Corn clutched in his hands so tightly he's almost worried the plastic will warp, he misses Robin silently siddle up next to him and nearly jumps a foot in the air as she speaks.
"Don't let the door hit you on the way out," Robin growls softly before she sweeps over to the push cart filled with returns and walks it over to the closest shelf, pointedly ignoring him.
Eddie huffs out an irritated sigh but feels his shoulders slowly deflate on their own as he trudges back towards the entrance, the bell rings once again as he steps outside into the mid afternoon sun.
Gravel crunches underneath Eddie's ratty chucks as he heads towards the van, stopping in his tracks when he spots Jonathan leaning against the driver's side door. 
"Uh, hey Byers?" 
Jonathan waves again before crossing his arms, he's glaring at the ground as though it personally offended him. Eddie looks around, letting his eyes trail over the other cars in the lot. 
"Where's your partner in crime?" Eddie asks carefully, he knows Argyle wouldn't have just left without Jonathan.
Jonathan waves his hand towards the convenience store at the end of the parking lot, "he's grabbing snacks, he should be back soon," Jonathan shugs and settles back against the van.
It's awkward, Eddie can count the number of times he and Jonathan have hung out on one hand, he's seen Argyle way more, sharing trade secrets and sampling some grade A California Kush while he's at it.
But Eddie and Jonathan, he's got nothing.
"Sooo," Eddie hums, dragging out the syllable as he steps towards Jonathan and leans against the van beside him, "you here to yell at me too?" 
Jonathan scoffs and shakes his head, but his arms do tighten a fraction around his midsection, hah, gotcha.
"No, but honestly dude, if Nancy and I have to hear the kids bitch and moan one more time about whatever the hell is going on between you and Harrington," he shakes his head and snorts.
Eddie bristles slightly but nods, "Yeah Mike's got a mouth on him huh?"
"So," Jonathan starts and immediately shuts his mouth with a snap and a grimace. He seems to steady himself before meeting Eddie's gaze, it's unnerving.
"Fuck it, look," Jonathan snaps, he turns to face Eddie, "I'm not the biggest fan of Harrington myself, but we’re not going out of our way to see each other and if you're going to do this kind of thing I'd prefer if Will wasn't in the same room," Jonathan scrubs a tired hand over his face, "he was pretty upset the other night, said you were a prick to Dustin too". 
And that Eddie can't even defend, he bites the inside if his cheek and nods again, letting his arms wrap around himself tightly, it's such little comfort that it leaves him feeling cold despite the midafternoon heat and glaring sunshine. 
"What's going on man?" Jonathan says softly this time, he's still facing Eddie but has leaned back slightly.
"You remember how shitty Hawkins high was right?" Eddie says after a beat, the words barely escape between his teeth, but someone else needs to know.
Jonathan doesn't say anything but he nods once, a dark look crosses over his face momentarily before disappearing.
"And I'm sure you heard some of the rumours that were going around about me," Eddie rubs his hand across his nose, "that whole place was a fucking gossip factory, I know most -if not all of it was bullshit, but".
Fuck.
He doesn't even know how to say it. 
"Harrington told everyone I was a," he swallows roughly, the word catches in his throat as though covered in barbs, "a…fag, and that my parents kicked me out after my dad tried to kill me, that was the reason I was living with Wayne".
Eddie stares, unseeing, at the ground, he hears a sharp intake of breath but keeps going.
"And now," he breathes out, hating the way it catches slightly in his throat, "I don't know how to feel about him, I'm so fucking angry about it, but he's so God Damn nice now, it's like whiplash".
"The worst part is," Eddie continues, breathing deeply through his nose, his eyes start to burn, fuck, he doesn't want to do this here, "I don't even know if he remembers, that's what makes me so angry". 
Eddie barks out a wet laugh, "that it made me a target, and for him it was nothing". 
Jonathan is quiet for a moment, staring past Eddie with a pensive expression, "when did this happen?" he says softly.
"I don't know man," Eddie sighs, he brings a hand up to press into his eyes until stars explode across his vision, they come away wet.
"It was one of my senior years, the first go around, why?" 
"Because," Jonathan urges, his voice uncharacteristically harsh, "I heard Billy Hargrove say that, like word for word, at Tina's Halloween party, and that was like two years ago". 
Eddie remembers Billy Hargrove. Though Billy and Tommy were both assholes, Billy was the actual scary one of the pair.
Eddie remembers that party too. He had made some decent money that night, posting up in the backyard, letting his drunk classmates come to him. Eddie had even wandered inside a few times to grab a beer or two before leaving, no one had really bothered him that night, granted it seemed hard to shake that Mullet wearing psychos flinty gaze, but if he thinks hard about it enough, everything changed after that night.
Eddie stops breathing, it takes almost a full minute for him to really catch up to what Jonathan is saying, "but, but I thought for sure…" he stammers, voice tight.
"Eddie," Jonathan says, the gentle tone back as looks him in the eye, "Steve spent that whole night babysitting Nancy. It was a whole thing, he left early too because they had a big fight".
Jonathan takes a deep breath, and blows it slowly through his nose, it releases the rigid line of tension in Byers shoulders. His dark eyes scan Eddie's face before he sighs again and stuffs his hands into his pockets.
"I'm not trying to defend the guy, he was a prick in high school, but if you've been blaming him for spreading that shit around, I think you have the wrong guy".
Eddie's is racing, he feels as though he's underwater and sinking deeper, his vision narrowing to a single point of light just above him. His lungs shudder as he tries to catch his breath.
"Hey, slow down and breathe man," Jonathan murmurs, a worried grimace pulls at his mouth as his head swivels to and fro, scanning the parking lot. Jonathan reaches to put a warm hand on Eddie's shoulder, "you're going to make yourself pass out".
"I'm good man, I'm fine," Eddie bites out. He shifts and straightens his back, stepping away from Jonathan and the van, he nearly stumbles in his efforts to move.
Jonathan leans back with both hands raised in front of him in, ready to steady the metal-head if needed, his eyes dart across Eddie's face with wary concern.
"Relax Byers," Eddie breathes out as he takes another step away. He looks back towards the Family Video, in case they've drawn an audience by now. 
He can see Steve and Robin through the window, they're both at the counter, their backs are turned--thankfully.
Robin has one hand on Steve's back as she gestures emphatically away from herself with the other, he's nodding but his whole posture has drooped, wilted like an old flower. 
Eddie feels his heart clench again at the sight. Fuck.
"Hey man, mind getting off my van? I have to make a call". 
***
Eddie races home, the old breaks squeal and the engine shudders as he turns abruptly into the gravel drive just ahead of their new government issued trailer. 
Though it didn't have the same feel as their old trailer, the notches on the bathroom doorway to track his height over the years replaced by pristine white paint, the spaghetti stain on the ceiling from Eddies first ambitious attempts to make Wayne dinner replaced by the same stark whiteness. Wayne was able to save some of their photos and Eddie's favorite Dio poster, it helped a little bit remind them of their former home, but it wasn’t quite the same.
For all it lacked, at least the ceilings were whole, with no sign of the horrific death Eddie had witnessed just a few short months ago.
Eddie turns off the engine and unbuckles himself as he opens the door and steps out of the van. The feel of gravel and grass under his feet is grounding, but he still feels as though he might fly apart at any moment. 
His uncle's pickup is still out front; Eddie winces at his own park job and considers getting back in the van to try again --his uncle will have to swing wide just to get around him for work at this point, but there's an itch in Eddie's brain. He has to talk to Gareth, make sense of this.
Eddie makes his way inside, Wayne isn't in the living room or kitchen based on his quick scan, he barely manages to close the front door behind him in his haste to get to the phone. 
Eddie hears the main bathroom fan and Wayne humming tunelessly to himself, he figures he probably has at least half an hour to use the phone undisturbed.
Eddie snatches the phone off the base hung on the wall beside their Kit-Cat Klock, he immediately wraps his fingers in the cord and dials Gareths number. It rings again and again, fuck.
"Hello?" 
"Gareth, don't hang up!" Eddie struggles to keep the shout out of his voice, he wraps and unwraps his hands in the phone cord, tangling his fingers nervously as a long sigh crackles over the line. 
"What man?" Gareth huffs, impatience saturates the words and Eddie can't keep his own bottled up for even a moment longer.
"I fucked up," Eddie whispers, "I fucked up Gar," he untagles his one hand long enough to sweep it up into his hair, pulling it away from his face.
He can hear the rustle of cloth and movement over the handset as Gareth breathes out a soft and confused, 'what,' on the other side but once the words start Eddie can't seem to contain them any longer. 
"I don't know what to do," he says, his voice pitched in a low whine, "I spent so long absolutely convinced that Harrington was the one who put that target on my back in highschool, that he was the one who spread all those rumors". 
Eddie begins to pace, two steps forward, and two steps back, he's too caught up in the phone cord to move much further around the kitchen but he feels the need to channel his frenetic energy somewhere.
"But he didn't, I just," Eddie swallows and removes his hand from his hair to press roughly into his eyes once more, "I just assumed".
Gareth says nothing, the only reason Eddie knows he's still there is the fact that the call hasn't cut out to a dial tone.
"I think, I think ruined it Gar, I don't know how to fix this, i think we could have been friends…"
A scoff bursts over the line and Eddie flinches at the sudden sound.
"Sorry, but Eddie, this is exactly what I was talking about". 
Gareth sighs loudly and shifts again, "don't think it was just Jeff that was confused and maybe even a little angry that you started hanging out with the guy, but we thought, 'well, if Eddie forgave him, and wants to be his friend then we can deal,'" Gareth hesitates for a beat before speaking slowly, choosing his words carefully.
"If he did or didn't do it wasn't the issue Ed, you can't have it both ways. You can't try and be with the guy, lead him on like that, and hang on to this grudge, you'd just be hurting yourself and Steve more".
Eddie feels himself pale as he freezes in the middle of his pacing, he swallows hard but manages to keep his grip on the phone steady. 
"I dont--you keep saying that--" he stutters, ignoring the cold feeling that settles in his gut.
"Eddie, come on, we have eyes in our heads, we didn't care that you liked guys, we don't care that you have a thing for Harrington -well I mean, Jeff might but he'd get over it if you asked him to".
Eddie feels his heart climb into his throat and nods once before remembering Gareth isn't actually there in person, he cradles the phone to his cheek and whispers, "I know".
"So fix it," Gareth says softly, "I don't know why you're talking to me, it sounds like you already know what you have to do". 
"For what it's worth," Gareth says with a sigh and Eddie can hear the small smile in his voice this time, "I do think he's changed since highschool, and I am glad that he wasn't the one who said those things about you, it'll make my shovel talk a little easier anyway". 
Eddie barks out a laugh that comes out a little wet, "thanks man," he mumbles into the receiver.
"Anytime, now get off the line, I gotta break the news to Jeff, he'll need time to digest". 
Eddie laughs and hangs up the phone after a soft, 'goodbye you dick,' and turns to see Wayne leaning against the entrance to the kitchen watching him with a raised eyebrow and a stern expression. 
"So, you finally gonna fix what's had you moping around here for the last couple o' days?" Wayne asks, his voice is casual but there's a glint in his brown eyes, so like Eddie's own, that puts him on edge. 
Eddie winces and runs his hand through his curls towards the back to cradle his head, he hesitates as Wayne tilts his head slightly, waiting for his normally talkative nephew to speak.
After another beat Wayne sighs and pushes himself off the doorway, he steps into the kitchen and makes his way to the cupboard to pull out his favorite Indiana Pacers mug. Wayne busies himself with the kettle, while Eddie sweats by the phone.
"Uh, how much did you hear of that?" Eddie says eventually, he picks at the skin on his fingers and shifts his weight from foot to foot. 
Wayne tilts his head to the side to look over his shoulder at Eddie as he adds two scoops of instant coffee into the empty mug while the water starts to boil. 
"Well, it sounds like you and Harrington had something of a misunderstanding, that why he hasn't been 'round here with that famous lasagna of his?"
Eddie huffs out a laugh and rolls his eyes, "I guess you could say that," he chews on his lip roughly for a moment before releasing it, "I just don't know how to even start Wayne". 
His uncle hums at that, flicking the stove burner off just as the kettle begins to hiss and whine, he pulls it off the metal coils and pours a helping of water into his awaiting mug before putting the kettle on the farthest burner to cool back down. He picks up the spoon he had used to scoop the instant coffee and stirs thoughtfully, allowing the metal to clink and clang against the chipped ceramic. 
"Have you thought to just talk to him? Harrington seems like a good kid, I doubt he's holding a grudge--"
"I was mean Wayne, I was a dick in front of the kids," Eddies breathing picks up as he continues to speak, "they all hate me right now, they won't talk to me, and I kind of hate me a little bit right now and--" 
Eddie stops talking as Wayne crosses the kitchen and pulls him into a fierce hug. He lets himself sink into it. 
Wayne had always been somewhat easy going with affection, doling out hugs and pats on the back, but ever since Eddie had been discharged from the hospital Wayne seemed hyper aware of the need for comfort without being asked.
"If you're sorry then tell him, and if he doesn't want to hear it then you let him be, either he'll forgive you or he won't," Wayne's voice rumbles through his chest, he feels the hug begin to loosen as Wayne leans away to catch his eye once more, "sounds like the kids might be owed their own apology but you can do that after Harrington, what do we do when make mistakes?" 
"We fix em," Eddie whispers, he feels lighter, lighter than he has since Gareth drove him and Jeff home in stony silence that fateful night. 
"Damn right, now go on, if I have to miss another one of those damn casseroles you're gonna owe me an apology".
***
The drive isn't long but waiting for the approximate time that he figured Steve would be home was absolute torture, he even let Wayne fix him his own cup of instant coffee -how his uncle could drink that stuff was beyond Eddie but the warmth of the cup was grounding as time ticked by. 
Eddie waited until six, figuring that would be the safest bet after a day shift, worst case scenario he'd go home and try again tomorrow if the house was empty. 
A small anxious part of him hoped it would be. 
The lights are on when he pulls up to the house, and Steve's beemer is in the driveway. 
Okay, he could do this, all he had to do was go up to the door. 
Eddie shuts the engine off, tapping out a nervous rhythm on the steering wheel as he grabs his keys and pops open his van door. 
Eddie breathes in deeply through his nose and releases it slowly through mouth as he steps onto the walkway to the front door. The porch light is on despite the sun sitting high in the sky. 
Eddie hesitates as he reaches the dark red double doors, all he has to do is raise his hand to ring the bell or knock, but he's frozen suddenly, his heart beats a wild staccato in his chest and that feeling of slowly sinking under water from earlier is back.
Eddie shakes his head, he faced down feral demon bats, and trudged through a poisonous forest to help hunt down Vecna, he could do this!
The door in front of him suddenly opens of its own accord revealing Steve’s frantic and confused face.
Shit. 
***
Thank you everyone! There will be a part three that will finally have some comfort for all this whump and angst!! (I PROMISE!)
Taglist: @zerokrox-blog @samcoxramblings @thosemessyvibes @liketheocean @vampireinthesun @themostunoriginalpersonever @merricatty
(I hope these tags work and if I missed you I'm so sorry!!)
Continue with Part Three Here
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pollenallergie · 6 months
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I had the thought of Tom or Billy sniffing their new babies and I thought of you for some reason.
-cj aka @cheesewritings
no bc billy loves the new baby smell. like from the minute you bring your baby girl home (he’s a girl dad, first and foremost, fight me. maybe he’ll have a son later on, but his first kid? a girl, the girliest of girls.) and she stops smelling like hospital (probably after her first bath… which was somehow both a chaotic scene and a warm, wholesome bonding moment for the three of you), he’s got his nose to her dome like all the time, just breathing in the newborn baby smell mixed with the lavender nighttime baby shampoo you two had cleaned her fluffy, downy hair with. at first, billy tries to be discreet about it, because he thinks it’s weird. however, when he catches you sniffing her too one night as you rock her to sleep, he realizes that maybe he’s not so weird after all… or maybe you two are just equally weird… but, billy thinks, if he’s weird in the same ways that you’re weird, then that truly wouldn’t be so bad after all because at least your brand of weird isn’t off-putting (in his opinion… you disagree on the grounds that 1) you don’t think his brand of weird is off-putting because you don’t think anything about him is off-putting and 2) you think you can be at least a little off-putting sometimes).
as for tom, i hc tom (at least the version of him from my older!tom au) as not ever having kids (simply because he doesn’t want to have them), but you can bet that anytime he meets one of his newborn nieces or nephews (he has quite a few siblings… which means he also quite a few nieces and nephews) for the first time, he’s always quick to cuddle up to them, cradling them gently in his arms (now that’s been through this whole thing a dozen or so times, he’s a pro at holding newborns), and luxuriating in their soft skin and sweet newborn baby scent.
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camscendants · 1 month
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That was an eventful two days
#I had a better time at the Waterparks concert#Noah was great#buuuut#I was on the barricade#I had my cousin hold onto my spot while I grabbed some merch and he didn’t hold onto the barricade so when I got back there were like three#rows of people in front of me#tall people too#and I got a ticket for my friend who wound not being able to go#and my brother who took us didn’t wanna go so I completely wasted $25 on a ticket#and it just Sucks that I spent so much money on ticket and got there super early just to be shoved way back when I LITERALLY had the front#there was this rude entitled lady who made everyone move for her son#he only knew tx2 but stayed up front the whole time#(she also took a spot right on the barricade too)#I was just really upset about how it didn’t go according to my plan and I kind of had a panic attack. like. a really fucking long one#and I had my vip bag + merch with me and everyone was stepping on it (no one was even playing?) and they fucked up my poster#but yeah I pretty much had a 2 hour long panic attack my ribs hurt now from hyperventilating (leaving the pit wouldn’t have helped)#the vip part was still good#I met Noah again he remembered me he did great it was just the people around me#oh I also like fucked up my knee#but that’s cause two concerts in a row hurt I think someone kinda accidentally kicked in a mosh pit and the first venue the ground had a#slight tilt to it. so it was kinda uncomfortable after a few hours#Waterparks#noahfinnce#concert#tx2#music
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"You know, in the theatre we have to examine the internal logic of all our actions."
Sir Charles Cartwright playing detective.
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tathrin · 9 months
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📽 action!: rank all six of the films (or three if you're a hater)
Answers for this LotR ask-game.
Ahh okay so at this point I have to confess something terrible: I still have not seen the third Hobbit movie. I'm sorry! I just couldn't do it. The fuckery of it all, especially in the second movie with Mirkwood and Thranduil and Legolas ("a lowly Silvan elf" what the FUCK what the fuck PJ WHAT THE FUCK), was just too much for me. Character-assassination is one thing, and I thought after Denethor I knew what I was going to be getting with Thranduil but NOPE! It was literal world building assassination and I just CANNOT.
Don't get me wrong, Lee Pace did an amazing job and actually seeing Mirkwood was amazing and it was genuinely delightful to see Orlando put those ears on again; but the OuTrAgE that filled my heart at the yeet-ing of what minimal canon we even have for the Mirkwood elves was just intolerable, and while I did mean to go see it, really I did, I just...couldn't actually get the motivation to go before it was out of theatres. I've heard the EE are better (less studio fuckery) so I'll watch them someday! Honest! I just...haven't. yet.
And as to the Lord of the Rings trilogy...man, I don't even know how to do this. In terms of which is the best film, or in terms of which one I enjoy watching most, or in terms of which on hits me in the heart hardest or...? I don't know if I can objectively rank my feelings about these movies even in my own brain because RotK ends with Into the West and I have FeelingsTM about the Undying Lands and Sea Longing okay. So the last scene of RotK at the Grey Havens is a fucking spear through the heart every time and I can't even describe the knot of feelings it engenders, and I think overall TTT may be my favorite but also it has Plot Issues that piss me off even more than the Plot Issues in RotK I think,...yeah, we're going to do this in terms of Film Crafting rather than personal favorites because I'm having too many feelings lmao. So! In order of most-well-done-movie to least:
Fellowship of the Ring
The Two Towers
Return Of The King
The Desolation of Smaug
An Unexpected Journey
#look there are some REALLY LOVELY MOMENTS in the hobbit movies#(all three of them; i've seen enough stuff floating around the internet to know that even about the one i haven't actually seen lmao)#but the ratio of beautiful moments to what-the-fuckery is just so skewed to the latter#and the cartoonish unreality of most of the effects do NOT help#it's like somebody watched the mumakil bit from rotk and went ''more of that but dial it up to eleventy-one!'' and i just...#do y'all know how FUCKING EXCITED i was to see the White Council???#to see GALADRIEL?#to see sauron thrown out of dol guldur? TO SEE THE WHITE COUNCIL!???#because as soon as i heard ''three movies'' i knew I KNEW (i hoped) that they had to be adding that it#because how the fuck else were they going to pad-out that tiny little book into three whole movies? OBVIOUSLY with the white council!!!#and then...we got a chase scene in the mines that made the podracing look like it deserved an oscar#and the most cringe-inducingly-artificial cgi armies at war that i think i've ever seen even IN video games#it was like watching galactic battlegrounds middle-earth edition wtf#did y'all literally just make one elf and one dwarf and copy-past them a million times into the scene wtffffff#but i still need to make it clear that i DO love the good bits that's what makes the bad parts hurt so much!#like: does the fact that the elves coming to helm's deep make no sense and also VANISH from the plot as soon as it's over irritate me? YES!#but the battle itself is filmed with so much HEART that i don't care I DON'T CARE#i still cheer at ''no orc horn'' i still weep at haldir's death (GODS that MUSIC!) i still watch the whole thing RAPT and ENTHRALLED#but 80% of the hobbit's actions scenes don't DO anything they're just empty pixels with less purpose than the droid factory on geonosis#and there should be SO MUCH HEART because that's WHAT TOLKIEN IS auuuughhhhhh#and the fact that they missed the entire fucking EVERYTHING about MIRKWOOD of all fucking places...! UGH#DO YOU KNOW HOW AMAZING THESE ACTORS WOULD HAVE BEEN IN THESE ROLES IF THEY'D ACTUALLY BEEN FILMING THIS STORY??? PJ WHY!#lotr movies#hobbit movies#middle earth asks
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wizardnuke · 2 months
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next time i play cypher on valo im gonna think about panic alt tabbing to yaoi
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stardustedknuckles · 2 years
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The problem with becoming friends with people while all of you are going through some awful trauma is that if you're not careful you won't know how to keep being friends without it. Growth is a good thing, but that can be easy to forget when every step forward you take makes you worry those people won't be in your life anymore and you subconsciously feel like you have to manufacture some kind of ongoing crisis so you guys have something to talk about. Friendships formed in the face of hardship are strong and fierce things, and the relationship fading as your lives improve doesn't mean it wasn't real. It just served its purpose. You all made it out alive, and that was why you found each other in the first place. This is a hard and shitty lesson to learn.
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piplupod · 5 months
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me when i realize that pretty much everything in my life has actually only gotten worse since i graduated highschool, and all the times i was told things would get better were absolutely false !!!!!!
#i am going fucking insane. this is so stupid#i had a social life. i had friends. i had a job i could keep up with outside of school. i had a solid routine and schedule.#i had insurance. i didnt have to worry about money. i didnt have to buy groceries. i didnt have to cook every day.#i had enjoyable group activities. i had ppl telling me i was doing a good job. i had AUTHORITY FIGURES telling me i was doing a good job!!!!#i had a place to go to be away from home every weekday!! i had hope for the future still to some extent (not a lot but more than i do now)!#I DONT HAVE ANYYYY OF THAT NOW. I do have friends but not in-person!!! zero social life except hospital out-patient bullshit!!!#anyways the highschool is doing one of my fav musicals that i came THIS CLOSE to doing my grad year#but the vote was indecisive so they did some bullshit that nobody was happy with lmfao#i fucking petitioned hard. lobbied HARD. to get us to do that musical. i worked so hard to get everyone on board#but everyone was just waffling about it. and then we ended up w smth that nobody was happy with#AND NOW THIS YEAR. THEYRE DOING THAT FUCKING MUSICAL. THAT HURTS. LIKE A LOT. A LOT A LOT.#like to the point where i have now genuinely cried after hearing that theyre doing it#that was my one fucking chance in highschool to be part of a musical i actually cared about and enjoyed and i lost it#i had watched my brothers be in these fun musicals when they were in school but for my three years I got NOTHINGGG#it hurts so fucking bad. i had been looking forward to that ever since we moved to this town. and then i got fucking nothing.#and now that im out of there and realizing how my life is absolutely fucked and i have to kill myself then they finally do it.#gallons of salt in the big fat gaping wound. insane.#genuinely feeling kind of shocked. how the hell do things line up so perfectly to hurt me this badly so often fjfkfl#maybe im just fucking pathetic and overly emotional idk victim complex or smth awful#i just kind of want to be done like right now. but i have to wait at least a month before i call it quits so i dont wreck this time of year#for my family for the rest of their lives lmfao#my siblings and dad dont deserve that. my mother probably does but whatever#im tired!!! im fucking exhausted!!! this sucks so incredibly badly!!!#suicide tw
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here-as-a-human · 1 year
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Somebody write a fic!!!
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dragonji · 6 months
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being a student is always going so well until it Isn't .
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appreciatingtokrev · 1 year
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two of my fav character dynamics rn are "hurt x hurt, they neither make eachother worse nor better and nothing happens bc they don’t put the effort into it" and "hurt x hurt, they neither make eachother worse nor better but they both heal alongside eachother bc they do put the effort into it"
#hurt x hurt. they both see The Person They Love(d) in eachother and cope by projecting#honorable mention is#that one is already so good if one of them is projecting but if it’s both.. mhmm#then we just have koko x mikey lol. or kakucho x mikey (one of my personal favs)#i mean c’mon#mikey literally fucking looks like izana you can’t tell me kakucho doesn’t project him onto the other#and mikey projecting draken onto kakucho? yes#same with kokonoi projecting inupi onto mikey. or maybe they just find comfort in the misery that the ones they love are lovers now#draken and inupi i mean. obviously#anyways hurt x hurt who heal is any combination of kakucho kokonoi and kazutora#i’m a little insane about those three atm. hope that explains#it’s just. characters who’s name starts with k.... hhh#and i choose to believe that they all have the same but very different issues with the same but very different response#idk how to explain but it makes sense okay#the kazu/koko hurt/comfort fic i’m writing rn helps explaining it lol#i just think they’d find comfort in eachother. they can vent to eachother without judgement and p much be eachothers therapist#bc i am convinced they both refuse to see one#also i obv had to sprinkle the (platonic for this one. actually) tension between kazufuyu into the fic bc. yeah#and then chifuyu took the wheel kazutora mentioned baji and suddenly it’s not just a sprinkle anymore but a whole subplot. welp. it happens#sorry for the shameless promotion (again) of my unpublished fic. i’m really proud of the parts i’ve written yet okay#and they deserve content#they deserve the world actually but yk#can’t give them everything at once now can i#kakucho too. he also deserves the world#i am so insane about fictional men help#tokyo revengers#tokrev
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paigemathews · 2 years
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Last weekend, a friend and I rewatched Death Takes a Halliwell and I was actually really surprised that the episode subtly tells you that Phoebe doesn’t actually know who Cole is, specifically that he isn’t as good of a person as Phoebe thinks that he is. You can tell on how they respectively react when Cole’s landlady is murdered by the Seekers, who are searching for him.
Phoebe is horrified by this and feels guilty, all of that. When she tells Cole about it, her argument is that they have to find the demons who did it to prevent them from hurting anyone else. When Cole agrees to let her help, Phoebe tries to comfort him about Mrs. Owen’s (his landlady) death by telling him that avenging an innocent feels good.
In pretty stark contrast to this, Cole’s focus is only on Phoebe. When Phoebe tried to comfort him by talking about avenging an innocent, I noticed that Cole doesn’t mention or even allude to caring about or protecting any innocents. And I mean, he doesn’t. He doesn’t care about innocents, he cares about Phoebe. 
Phoebe projects her own guilt about a lost innocent and desire to protect future innocents on to Cole, and what’s crazy is that she doesn’t even notice she does this. When they get to Cole’s apartment, Phoebe has a moment of horror when she sees the blood stain from Mrs. Owen’s murder, but it doesn’t even phase Cole. In contrast, he goes to his old room and has a moment about being into Phoebe. 
Just. Phoebe unintentionally creating this idea of Cole in her head, of someone who is like her and wants to be good, when in reality, he isn’t like that at all. 
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scattered-winter · 11 months
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wanted to write something today (i have an ESSAY DUE TODAY and i have WIPS) but instead im thinking abt my mom. lol
#there was a fucking cyberattack on the hospital that she gets her cancer treatments from and their systems have been down for WEEKS#and she's been delayed in getting treatments because of it and ykw. its advancing at a terrifying rate so its not like she has the time#to just sit around and twiddle her thumbs waiting for the problems to be resolved#and im lowkey !!! fuckin terrified !!!!#like. she has her meds NOW and i think we've fairly moved past it for the most part. but idk.#how much time did that really give her??? another month??? or two?? or three????#she's been a ticking time bomb for 3 years now and i think she's almost out of time#i cant explain how i know. i just do#she's always in pain. i cant be around her because she's constantly in so much pain and i dont know what to do to help#and its just a reminder that she's only getting worse.#and i feel horrible for isolating myself from her because she doesnt have long!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i know im gonna regret it later!!!!#but ive never been good at seeing ppl in pain. or knowing what to do about it.#and every new scan she has just shows more tumors and more growth and more red flags#and idk. im tired.#im tired of being scared. im tired of the fucking sword hanging over our heads. im tired of grieving my mother while she's still alive#and im tired of treating her like a ghost when she ISNT yet but i dont know what else to do because everything fucking hurts.#and all my complicated feelings about my mom aside. all the ways we've hurt each other#and the ways she's made me feel small and unimportant and Different and stupid and crazy and foolish#she's my MOM. she's my mom#and all i can think about with all this is my youngest brother.#he doesnt remember mom when she was healthy. the only mom he knows is exhausted and in pain and dying#and she won't even see him graduate high school and he'll never know what she was like before all of this#i almost wish the cancer would just take her so i could finally be able to grieve and let go#instead of this limbo ive been in for three fucking years of hope and Knowing what will happen and grief and anger#and ngl i feel like a horrible fucking person for that. lol#y'all dont need to read this i just gotta scream for a sec#winter speaks#personal#tw death#tw cancer
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