#pastel!connor

[vidkun]

PVC Feces Rig (oil pastel on cardboard)

[punkeropercyjackson]

Claimin' Luke Castellan is a radicalist has got to be the FUNNIEST shit to ever come out of the Percy Jackson fandom.Babycakes,he's a cishet physically abled allistic blonde blue eyed conventionally attractive white man who grew up sheltered in a literal fantasy world where he was constantly praised and uplifted and protected but got exactly one taste of the real world and turned into a pedophile who exclusively showed interest in underaged girls,four of them to boot,targeted boys of color over white boys he could've manipulated way easier due to being closer to them,groomed the children at the summer camp he grew up at and largely helped raise into becoming an army for him,explicitly provided zero nurturing of them at that point and was openly mean to them too,blew up a black guy after lying to the specific underaged girl he convinced to be a spy for him after gaslighting her about protecting him in exchange for her betrayal,insulted a little boy who's a Down Syndrome allegory for his symptoms by calling him just a monster,one of the other underaged at the time girls was also his adoptive little sister and pseudo-daughter by virtue of their age difference and dynamic and background,never actually went after the goverment he claimed to be fighting against in favor of getting power for himself and abusing everyone around him and even used a cryptofash dogwhistle as one of his ideals('destroying society to build it from the ground up').That second to last bit isn't propaganda-Luke was doing in-universe propaganda and calling yourself a radicalist without the actions or even beliefs is extremely common of self-obsessed whites irl.You can't make the 'unfairly demonized' argument either because he's never been demonized!He 'died a hero' according to the text and is potrayed sympathically post-death and he wasn't nearly as personally victimized by the gods as he acts-It was one quest and we're not shown or told him being directly impacted by them other than Hermes.Luke's whole deal is white man fragility,male entitlement and white violence/supremacy.You can say i'm taking things too far by putting him that way but i'm saying this because you guys are spreading misinfo about radicalism and as a black punk autistic trans person who's also been traumatized by the system but way worse than Luke,i don't gotta put up with that or feel bad for him and you also call Percy a fence sitter and downplay how he's the actual martyr of the gods Luke thinks himself as and the actual radicalist Luke thinks of himself as too by virtue of being canonically completely accurate to punk subculture and i don't gotta put up with that either seeing as his traumas and personality traits are so much like mine.The C in Luke Castellan stands for Colonizer and the P in Percy Jackson stands for Punk and i have proof of Punk Percy based on our culture for those who don't believe me

[mov24]

[thuranni]

the real challenge has become NOT making a goth eberron character.

[thenamessparkplug]

PEN CONNORS MY BELOVED

ik we see him like twice and he has only like two lines but SHHHHHHH i can love him anyways < 33

[sleepyboy-stuff]

i finally made that connor board i was talking about WOO !!

[nisreensartworld]

"I'm Your Boyfriend."

Drawn by me

Pastel, Coloured pencil, pencil, paper

I drew Nick Nelson from the Netflix original series, " Heartstopper". The latest season was so heart-warming. I wish there were a show like that when I was a teenager..

To be honest I'm much more comfortable when doing abstract or colourful imaginary paintings rather than representational drawings. And that's one of the reasons that I've been doing the latter a lot recently.. I believe it's important for an artist to get out of their comfort zone.

[frillability]

The Frög Family is growing! I found a Hoppy Swirls on eBay (unstuffed) to match Esther, the mini, and I named them Capris! After they arrived today, I cleaned them up a bit, and off to BaBW we went to have them stuffed!

As always, the staff was very kind and helpful. This was my first time adopting an unstuffed BaB online. I didn't learn until recently they will stuff or re-stuff BaBs you already own. That's so neat! Buying them unstuffed didn't particularly appeal to me previously, but I can see how it's useful when doing so used for cleanliness purposes, especially if one is a bit older.

I didn't have a vision for who Capris would be before I found their outfit. I hadn't noticed this amazing two piece set online, and it was a fantastic surprise in store. It feels a little late 80s/early 90s, kind of a Vaporwave, sitting by a pool vibe, right? It immediately made me think of Capris Sun and also for some reason that men's cologne that was unnaturally blue?

Capris is definitely a chill, summer frög who listens to a lot of City Pop and drinks fruity beverages. That's my read so far.

I also totally forgot to post about Quilt, my Hoppy Colors/"Color Block," when I got them the other week! I adore both Quilt and Capris equally. Bubbles, the Spring Pink was the first, maybe a couple years ago or less(?), and Esther followed not long after. That reminds me--I need to figure out their birthdays!

I keep track of my all my plushies' names in a note app, and then I slowly transfer their info into a database I created a while back. I'm super behind on it, but it's so helpful! I input where they are from, what type of plush they are, etc, and I save a photo of them in it for reference. I highly recommend it!

✨This has been a Very Important Plushie Update!✨ Haha, if you made it this far, bless you.

[wavywebsurf]

Dead of night. Ok not that dead i mean plenty of these guys have god awful sleep schedule so the night was pretty lively. Yknow orb and summer just chatting be ih ng pals

Baxter grim and celeste trying to make sure that jacob didnt fucking wake up while they were discussing that grim verry much had a crush on him, jake faking sleeping cuz he wants to overhear this. Duskbi Indus and Rendawn talking about space stuff. Alina having a mental breakdown in the corner. Classic stuff like that.

Actually the only people who were asleep were iris logan amity connor and kumi. Untillll

"Hey. You guys. What the hell are you guys doing here"

Just three guy- wait HOW DID THESE THREE EVEN FIND THE GANG

"Ah... ill...uhm...we live here-?"

"Yea right. I know a guy working for that one interdimensional train company when i see one. Why are you in this dimension"

"Yo...waiyvz chill out..."

"Yea, theyre not doing anything really..."

"I-i can explain...just-just come with me please lets discuss this in private"

"*sigh* fine. But you better have a good reasoning for this"

Waiyvz and R0Z3 walked off somewhere, leaving the other two with the gang.

"Soooo...hi...!"

X04 and Byron are open for asks!

[the-antiapocalyptic-man]

Lara, boymodding as her Earth-54 self

(cc: @pastel-petticoats)

[punkeropercyjackson]

Minus the 'Hero of the Great Prophecy' copout,Luke Castellan is such a well-written villain because he's so real.Not sympathic but that he's so awful in the way so many real cishet white men in power are and historically have been always been.Luke is a fascist.He's a misogynist.He's a racist.He's even a serial pedophile

Luke started grooming Silena before the series even started by taking advantege of her crush on him by flirting with her because girls that age don't know any better,oh he's different,we're different.He had the effect on Annabeth too but much stronger due to being her older brother figure and pseudo-dad,raising her since she was 7 and confessed to her at 16,on his deathbed,due to wanting to haunt and have power over her ONE last time.He wanted her to know what he'd thinking the whole time he was pretending to see her platonically.Thalia was 2 years younger than him pre-tree and he still liked her at 15 to his 20s.I'd go as far as to do a Lolita comparison,with Thalia's death giving him that little girl fixation to 'replace' her and let's not forget that while Kelli's age isn't stated,she passed as Percy's classmate when Percy was 14 and wasn't even technically a high schooler and there's no mention of no Mist Kelli showing her as older.It's implied he straight up SLEPT with her and maybe even did it multiple times judging by how long she was in the Titan's Army.She was also the only black girl member and that's absolutely relevant

And he was way closer to the Stolls than he was Chris but targeted him,the mestizo boy,even though Travis and Connor would've been easier to get to join him.The first camper he killed was Beckendorf and he gaslight Silena into thinking he wouldn't only for Beckendorf to be have been only a tool to him.He had zero respect for Ethan,the japanese/wasian boy,and unless you count Alabaster from the side books,the named Titan's Army's male members were all boys of color.The named girls were the lil white girl he hit on to fuck it up for everyone and the ambigiously aged but young looking black girl he made his bedmate because he saw her as a sexual being unlike her.Everybody likes saying he was so obsessed with Percy because he was in love with Percy and use it as ship fuel but the real concrete subtext is that he only saw Percy as an equal because they were both intended as white men.This is really the only logical explanation as really,the guy you knew for not even three months over your years long companions??????Who just so 'happen' to be girls.Luke was NOT slick!!

The Titan's Army is a military by definition.It's an army,the members are soldiers,they were created for the The Second Titan War.A war Luke started over personal trauma for vengeance and openly stated he dosen't care if he hurts anyone(see his Good Kid Reprise)for his own goals and functions on a cryptofash ideal('destroying society to built it from the ground up' and see his Good Reprise again but the last three lyrics specifically).Luke believes himself superior to everyone because he 'sees the truth' but perpetuates the cycle of abuse with it and does nothing to fix society,help the people he's the 'Champion' for or even to depower the high authority.He kisses up to an EVEN HIGHER and also WORSE authority to get power for HIMSELF!He wants to be a gods stand-in,not their opposite and that's why he treated everyone like shit.His speeches?That was propaganda on his part,not radicalization.'Western civilization is a disase'says the cishet physically abled blue eyed blonde white man who's constantly described as traditionally attractive after he groomed a HUGE chunk of troubled kids i.e minority kids who get abused for it no matter how hard they try to be good,because THAT'S what Percy meant when he said he was a troubled kid in The Lightning Thief-it's an insult and he was reclaiming it as a lower class audhd survivor of multiple kinds of abuse.He truly believed he was 'not like other half-bloods' and that everything he did was a means to an end when he meant to end it all for everyone,not be a saviour

As a biracial afrolatina who has multiple neurodivergent disorders including autism and with bpd and ptsd,is transgender and gendernonforming and was raised by the VERY white side of his family,i'm genuinely impressed with how good of commentary Luke works as on white supremacy and accompanying bigotries-Yes,misogyny like i said but also ableism/eugenics with his hurtful words directed at Tyson who's implied to have Down Syndrome and if memory serves i'm pretty he took a dig at Grover's crutches and possibly even Hephaestus' own physical disability and i'm not exactly sure if i'd say that includes queerphobia on his part but he is a VIOLENTLY cisheterosexual character in his actions so the subtext is pretty obviously there.As discussed by tons of other lgbt Pjo bloggers,Silena and Clarisse are an Achilles and Patroclus parallel and Thalia fits the bill for MANY transfem and alt lesbians norms and a more niche reading is Percy as an accidental transfem narrative that actually holds a lot of water with the most blatant one being her proving to Zoe she's not a normal man at all,which is a constant trait of hers but it was made it a plot point in The Titan's Curse and Annabeth as a comphet butch lesbian thanks to how gay her and Clarisse,Piper and Reyna interact with eachother and while i don't ship Percabeth,transfem Percy and lesbian Annabeth are complimentary in evidence for obvious reasons(even if YOU don't ship Percabeth either!)

Luke Castellan is real.Luke CastellanS are real.The word for them is 'colonizers'.I love how he's written and potrays the ugly truth of whiteness as an intentionally perpetuated structure,not 'the natural order',and i hate how Rick in his own cishet physically abled white maleness couldn't stop being a pussy and let Percy be the anarchist revolutionary to his full potential he deserved to be.Not surprised considering this is the same who disrespects greek culture so hard and has from the start in addition to the very long list of everything else but i'm allowed to still be dissapointed and wish Pjo had been thought up by an autistic black person since that's what Percy is realistically supposed to be so write what you know principal would've helped big time.Luke Castellan is sympathic and relatable if he's the only kind of person you think deserves sympathy and chances but not anyone else out of your own sheltered experiences

[pastelsandpixels]

Selene and Connor! They're siblings and often cause chaos together!

[micromanagement]

[megalony]

Heated Discussion

This is a new Evan Buckley imagine I had been wanting to write for a while now, and finally got the inspiration for it.

I hope you will all like it, let me know what you think.

Taglist: @justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyjen @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @stefansalvatoresgf @kyky9103 @wutheringhearts2275 @gay4hotmilfs @itshamleth @chaoticnosleepinfluencer @gs29 @wh0reforsmutstuff @mel-vaz @natashamea18 @chrisevansdaughter @alexandra8484 @deena-beena-weena @targaryenluvs @shelbygeek @kpoplover-19 @marvelmenarebeautiful @gillybear17

@zoeybennett @mrspeacem1nusone @zephyrmonkey @estella-novella @eleventhdoctorsangel @kniselle @senjoritanana

@shauna-carsley @dottierose @cfdhouse51 @darkfemme1 @rainechase45 @ml572 @jessie-lynn28 @lolalolsstuff @jupiter1700

@ashdoctor @an-aliens-ghost @lunaroserites @houseoftwistedspirits @itshamleth @callsignwidow @winterreader-nowwriter @reneinii

Evan Buckley Masterlist

Summary: A strange conversation with an old friend leads to an argument which stresses out Evan's pregnant wife.

Enjoy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Apprehension and surprise flooded Evan's stomach when he opened the front door. He already knew who would be on the doorstep before he opened it, but it was still a shock to see him stood there.

He almost didn't believe the text he got the other day, asking if they could meet up after what had been months of simply texts and the odd phone call.

"Come in," He took a step back and motioned his arm to let Connor walk past him into the hallway.

In all the time they had been friends and for however long it had been that he and (Y/n) lived here, Evan couldn't think of a time when Connor had ever been inside the house or had even clapped eyes on it. They always met up at bars or restaurants with other friends tagging along or at parties.

He led the way through the hall, noticing that Connor was looking at all the photos decorating the walls and the ornaments scattered around. There were the odd canvas pictures on the walls which (Y/n) had beautifully decorated. Photos on the walls that Evan had taken himself when he found a new obsession with photography. And a lot of little clay crafts and pompom creations and random things the boys had made over the years.

Evan headed into the kitchen, bypassed the island in the middle and moved towards the fridge.

"Want a drink?"

"Sure." Connor walked into the pastel blue kitchen and folded his arms on the kitchen island, arching his lower back out.

He nodded when Evan placed a bottle of beer in front of him and watched Evan lean on the opposite end of the counter. Evan pressed his left hand down on the edge and propped one hip against the cupboard while his other hand drew patterns along the edge of his glass that was already starting to drip with condensation.

"Nice place, don't think I've been inside before."

"Thanks. So uh, I haven't seen you in a while. Last time we hung out was at Dan's birthday, right?" Evan took a sip of his drink while his eyes studied Connor closely.

He had been shocked, to say the least, when Connor messed out of the blue three days ago and after a bit of catching up, he asked if they could meet up. There had to be a reason, there always was these days. None of the gang- which consisted mainly of six of them who had been friends in college- ever just messaged or hung out for the sake of being with friends.

There was always a reason, whether that was to celebrate a birthday, to get drunk after someone had lost a job or had a fight or made some kind of achievement. And Evan knew this was no different, there would be a reason Connor had asked for a catch up.

And with Evan working a lot of odd shifts recently and wanting to spend time with (Y/n) and the boys, he said it would be easier for Connor to come over for a chat. Rather than meeting up for a drink somewhere. It meant Evan could relax at home too while they talked.

"Yeah, I think so. God, I still feel hungover from that."

A calmer, more playful smile came over Evan's lips and he nodded. He felt much the same.

Dan had insisted they all go to a club for his birthday and it had been the first time in a long while that Evan had gone out with people other than the team and got drunk with them. Dan kept buying the shots and Evan was the last man standing, the last one able to keep up with Dan for taking shots. Evan was a fun drunk, so (Y/n) was always telling him.

He became sweeter and dopey when he was drunk, and (Y/n) had been delighted when- after he called and politely asked her to pick him up- she got there and he happily slurred 'there's my lady' and attached himself to her like a monkey.

Evan had been very glad the next morning that the boys had spent the night with (Y/n)'s parents because Evan had suffered a bad hangover from that night.

"Great night," Connor mused with a smile and took a swig of his drink before he took a glance around. "Where's (Y/n)?"

"Gone for a lie down with Luke, he's got a cold and (Y/n) didn't feel well."

Evan nodded his head in the direction of the hallway. Carter was at school, but Luke wasn't at nursery because he was coughing and croaking and hadn't had a good nights sleep. About an hour ago he had finally started to become sleepy, and (Y/n) felt under the weather so she took him upstairs to have a power nap together.

The only times Evan knew his wife to take a nap was when she was really ill, or when she was pregnant. And she was eight months along now.

"I wanted to talk to you about something."

"Okay…" Evan tried to smile, but that sounded omnibus and rather worrying. Those words didn't always bode well.

"You know I got married two years ago," Connor lifted his head but he leaned down further against the counter with his arms stretched out in front of him like he was going to reach out for Evan at any moment. He was trying to steady his hands that were messing with his beer bottle much the same as Evan was.

"Yeah, things still good between you two?" He remembered the wedding, it had been a good day. Evan and (Y/n) had been invited to the ceremony and the evening party but they didn't manage to stay into the evening because Carter hadn't been well.

He would admit he and (Y/n) didn't know Connor's wife Laura very well, the four of them never hung out very often and Laura didn't go on nights out when the group did. They had met her twice before the wedding.

It was different with (Y/n), she and Evan had been together since college so she had naturally gotten to know all of Evan's friends very well. She had been on lots of their nights out and all the boys thought she was loving and caring and funny. She was well and truly one of their own.

"Things are great- well, they were great. We wanted to start a family after we got married, so we tried, but nothing happened. We went to a doctor… and it turns out to be my fault."

"Your fault?"

"I can't have kids, Buck."

Evan rolled his lips together and leaned back off the counter. He scratched the back of his neck while his other hand started to drum against the counter out of nervous, ADHD habit.

He didn't know any of his friends to have that problem. Most of his close friends already had kids, Hen, Eddie, Bobby, even Chimney and Maddie now had Jee together. And a few of the guys from college had started settling down. Admittedly Evan had been the first one of them all to have kids, he barely scraped nineteen when he and (Y/n) had Carter.

"Oh, hey I'm sorry, that must be rough." Evan wasn't sure what the appropriate response to that was.

He couldn't say he understood because he didn't know what that was like. He didn't know what it felt like to be desperate to start a family only to find out there was something wrong with him that meant it wasn't going to be a reality. Kids had always been something Evan wanted in his life and he had been lucky enough to find (Y/n) and have Carter early on. They never had a problem starting a family. Carter was ten, they had Luke who was four and now they were about to have another baby.

Evan couldn't relate to Connor's problem and he didn't know how he could help or what he could say to try and take the sting out of it.

He realised a moment too late that maybe asking Connor round wasn't the best idea, now he knew what kind of problem he was going through.

Coming here meant Connor was witnessing the house scattered with trucks and toys and crayons and arts and crafts.

Evan could see Connor was already staring ahead at the fridge and Evan didn't have to turn round to know why. There were at least two new scan photos on the fridge because it made Evan giddy every time he opened the fridge to think about his impending arrival. His little girl.

And there was Carter's latest painting stuck up on the fridge which happened to be of a fire truck with Evan painted beside it in his bright yellow helmet. It was a picture Evan was immensely proud of and he would frame it soon once they took it off the fridge. There also happened to be a picture of all four of them on a day out at the beach pinned up there, and a picture of Luke sat in the fire truck with such a cheesy smile.

All of that wasn't going to make Connor feel much better with his current situation, being here was going to make him feel worse. And it made Evan feel bad for inviting him round without knowing the circumstances first.

"Connor, what does this have to do with me? Why did you want to talk to me?"

What use would talking to Evan do? Granted, he could be a listener when he put his mind to it and he liked to help people. He was always chatting and trying to talk people through situations and do what he could to help them. But he couldn't do very much.

Evan couldn't talk this situation into a better state. He couldn't come up with solutions, he couldn't do anything, it was nothing to do with him and it wasn't his speciality.

"We're thinking about other options, but adoption takes time and Laura wants to have a baby, she wants that experience, you know? So another option is getting a sperm donor."

"Oh."

A shiver crawled down Evan's spine and his expression went slack when realisation hit him like a train.

Oh.

They wanted him to be a donor? Why him? Why would they think of getting a sperm donor and have Evan be the first person they thought of? Was he even the first person they came to about this? Had they been to anyone else in their friend group, had they considered going to a donor bank?

The thought of being a donor had never crossed Evan's mind before. He was a blood donor, sure. He donated every month along with the rest of the team, like clockwork on the last Monday of every month. But blood was different to sperm. Blood saved lives, it didn't create them.

Evan thought the only lives he would ever create were the kids he had with his wife. He didn't consider donating and having other kids out there in the world that he would never get to see or know or bring up and raise as his own. The thought of someone else raising his kids made the hairs on his arms spike up and had his throat tightening in apprehension.

"I… Connor, that's-"

"I know, I know it's a lot to ask and a lot to take in. All I'm asking is for you to think about it, take some time, talk to (Y/n)." His expression was sincere and sorrowful.

He didn't mean to spring this on Evan and he didn't want an answer right away because of course an immediate response would be a no. He was just asking for Evan to think it over and consider what he was asking. That's all.

"Why me?"

"Because you're you. You're the guy who livens up a party, the one who does anything to help a stranger for no reward or praise. And you're a great dad, you're boys are sweet and they take after you."

"Well I- I'm flattered, truly." His lips quirked into a lopsided smile and he continued to rake his nails along the back of his neck causing deep red gashes to appear on his skin. "I'll think about it."

***

Dragging her feet, (Y/n) trudged through the hall and slowly made her way into the kitchen. Her head was spinning, her back was aching and her lower stomach felt heavy each time the baby twisted around.

She wanted to go back to bed, desperately, but she knew sleeping the afternoon away meant she wasn't going to sleep well tonight. Her fingers dragged through her hair and a smile pulled at her lips when she looked over at the kitchen table and saw Evan sat there.

He had his back to her, his head resting on his hand and he looked to be scrolling through his phone.

"Hi baby… did Connor come round?" Her fingertips trailed across his shoulder and she leaned over to kiss his curls which were running wild over his head.

She felt him lean back into her touch and he grinned when she kissed his temple. Her and Luke's power nap had extended a bit longer than (Y/n) first intended and she felt awful that Connor seemed to have come and gone and she hadn't even popped down to say hello to him. The last time she saw him was when she had picked Evan up from Dan's birthday party and she was sure Connor wouldn't remember that as he had been one drink away from collapsing on the floor.

"Yeah, left about half hour ago. How's Luke?"

"Fast asleep in our bed, thought I'd leave him a bit longer since he's settled. Was Connor okay?"

She kissed his cheek before she slowly moved towards the kettle and flicked it on. She could do with a drink to see if it would perk her up and ward off her headache.

Once she'd made a drink, (Y/n) twisted round and backed up into the corner of the counter. She leaned her back against the smooth edge, hoping that leaning against it would click her spine into place and rid her of the ache in her back. She slouched back and cradled her scolding cup between her palms while she looked across at her husband.

He spun round in his chair and folded one arm over the back while his other hand tapped against the table. That was a sign that he was thinking about something, that he might be worked up over something and it made (Y/n) curious.

She had been wondering what Connor wanted to come over and talk about and now it seemed he hadn't just come for a catch up or to ask about having another night out.

"He asked me to be a sperm donor for him."

"I beg your pardon?" (Y/n) set her cup down and moved both hands to grip the counter behind her. She could feel herself turning rigid as shockwaves coursed through her blood.

What had she missed?

What had they been talking about while she had been for a nap? Had she gone to sleep and woke up in a different time? Had she slept for a week instead of a few hours?

This was something strange and out of the blue. Connor had never asked something like this before, he had never really asked them for anything. But this was strange. What kind of friend came round and asked someone to be a sperm donor for them? It didn't matter how close they were, this wasn't the kind of thing friends asked of friends, it wasn't something friends willingly did for others.

Evan kept his hand gripping the table while his foot started to tap against the tiled floor. His other hand moved to the back of his neck again and his nails scratched into the skin until he was pinching himself and on the brink of drawing blood beneath his thin but relatively sharp nails.

Maybe he should have started the conversation off better than that rather than jumping straight to the point like that.

But he had been stunned. He was still stunned at what he had been asked and he wasn't sure how to process this or how to think and contemplate it. What was he supposed to think? Was he supposed to be flattered, angry, uneasy, happy? What was he meant to do?

"Him and Laura wanted to start a family, but he found out he can't have kids… so he asked me to be a donor for them."

Evan pushed up from the table and walked across the kitchen until he was in front of (Y/n). He leaned his right hand out against the kitchen island and his other hand found his hip. He could feel this conversation wasn't going to go down very well.

"And you're actually considering this?" Her nails began to tap out a frantic rhythm against the counter as she tried to stay calm, but this conversation was making it very hard. Just the thought of this was unnerving. If she disagreed with this, then (Y/n) was going to be made out to be the bad guy. She might be seen as being in the wrong for not wanting Evan to do this.

But was she in the wrong? Surely it was fair for (Y/n) to be concerned and uneasy about her husband potentially donating and having a child out there in the world that their friends were going to raise. They would know anytime that they saw Connor's child that it was Evan's biological kid.

Biology didn't mean everything, (Y/n) knew that. But she knew Evan like the back of her hand. He wouldn't be able to stay away. He would want to see his child, to know if they were okay and what they were up to and how they were doing. He wouldn't want to have a baby and then just hand it away, never to be involved again.

She lifted her chin to look up at her husband who took a step closer like he was trying to close the distance between them and close the argument that was now inevitable.

"I don't know, I at least need to think about it."

"Baby, that's not a normal thing to ask a friend. And why now? Evan, we're having a baby, we're gonna have three kids. I don't think now is the time to think about you having a fourth kid out there that you're never going to be able to see or talk to or tell them that they're truly yours."

(Y/n) ran her hand over her face and slouched back into the counter that was starting to hold more and more of her weight up.

Was she being unreasonable? Was (Y/n) being horrible for not wanting to consider this? But surely, she had some sort of say in this. She knew it was Evan's body and at the end of the day it would always be his choice, but this didn't concern just him. This concerned their family too.

This meant that there would be a piece of Evan out there that they couldn't talk to or connect with. A child they would never get to know.

They were married, they had three kids together and they were happy. Was Evan really going to be okay having a fourth child that he would never get to hold or cuddle or talk to? Would he be okay seeing them at parties or passing in the street, knowing they were his but never being able to stake that claim to them?

If it were (Y/n), she wouldn't be able to give up a child like that. And she had seen the way Evan was when the boys were born, he had that instant connection and love and adoration. He never wanted to put them down. This wasn't going to be the same.

"Connor can't have kids, (Y/n)."

The way Evan spoke made (Y/n) narrow her eyes and scoff. He spoke as if they had some part in this or some responsibility to Connor, but they didn't. That wasn't their fault and there was nothing they needed to do in this dilemma because Connor wasn't family or their partner. He was a friend.

"That's not your fault or your obligation to help, Evan."

"He wants a family."

His voice was so passive and calm that it made (Y/n) boil over with rage. How could Evan be so calm and easy going about this? How could he be contemplating this? If he went through with this there would be no turning back. There would be no way for Evan to stake his claim on that child because they wouldn't truly be his and he wouldn't have any rights to them.

Her temper was flaring and rising inside of her like a volcano starting to bubble over and it made her body shake with an overflow of adrenaline.

"Why you? There are donation banks out there Evan, so people don't get picky or try to find their donor and so there's no involvement and complications." If it were (Y/n) going through this, she wouldn't want a friend to donate, it would complicate things. She wouldn't want to know anything about the donor, as long as they were healthy that would be enough.

They shouldn't of asked Evan. It wasn't right, it was far too much to ask.

Did Connor and Laura not think this through? They shouldn't of asked Evan because they were friends. In the future if they went out together and people asked Connor how his child was, that was going to sting for Evan. That was going to bring up emotions he wouldn't be able to voice because of Connor.

When he talked about his child, Connor would be talking about Evan's child, that would change things in their friendship group. Evan wouldn't be able to ask about the child, he wouldn't be able to pay too much interest and what would happen if he were around the child?

Evan wouldn't be able to tell them the truth, he would have to stay at arm's length. He would be another one of their father's friends, nothing more.

"They want someone they trust and know."

"That doesn't make a difference, you won't be raising the child!"

A twinge tore through (Y/n)'s abdomen and she cringed, gripping the counter tighter until it was cutting into her palms and leaving lagged indents in her skin. Her back clicked in place when she pushed up straighter and shifted her weight onto her heels that were scraping against the floor.

This whole mess was stressing her and the baby out but (Y/n) couldn't just walk away and leave everything unanswered and sit in a panic. They had to talk about this and she had to know whether Evan was actually going to go through with this or not.

"Think about it, if you did this, they wouldn't let you be involved. You wouldn't be able to be around them much, you'd see everything from afar. They wouldn't tell the kid you're their dad. Could you honestly let a child go like that, Evan? Because seeing you with Carter and Luke, I don't think you could hand a baby over and cut all ties like that."

"I don't know."

"And when you go out with him and people ask about his kid, you can't pipe up and say anything. You'd have to sit there listening to all the achievements, the milestones, the illnesses and videos and pictures, and you couldn't share any of those moments."

Her tone was firm and her lips pressed into a thin line which made Evan sigh and tilt his head forward. He clamped one hand down on the counter and dragged the other down his face as he bowed his head and closed his eyes.

"(Y/n), it's not that simple and you know that." He lifted his head, trying to take a deep breath to calm down the argument that was evolving. "This is Connor we're talking about-"

"Oh yes, I know Evan. This is the guy that laughed and asked you why you were tying yourself down to me when I got pregnant. Or have you forgotten the way he joked with you and taunted me for having Carter? He told you it would be a mistake, and now he thinks that because he is doing things in 'the right order' he has every right to come here and ask something that big of you, of us."

Evan may have been able to forgive and forget on that front, but (Y/n) couldn't. She could let things be, but she wouldn't forget the way Connor had acted when they hard Carter.

She wouldn't forget how he had clapped Evan on the back while everyone else congratulated him and asked why he wanted to make this kind of mistake? He told Evan that having a kid at nineteen, before he finished college or had a steady job was a mistake and he didn't need to 'settle down' with (Y/n) so early. He could still wait a while and see if she was truly the one for him.

"He thinks he has the right to judge us for having Carter and then suddenly ask something so big, something no one has the right to ask. And all because, what? He's done the social order of things only to realise he's lacking in one area. That doesn't give him the right to pretend he's righteous and ask you to donate for him."

(Y/n) had always been weary of Connor after hearing what he'd said when he thought she wasn't around.

She had seen the way it upset Evan and how angry he had been because there were only a few of his friends who understood that a family, a proper, loving family, was all he'd ever wanted.

(Y/n) dragged her hand up and down her lower stomach while she looked the other way so she didn't have to focus on Evan's conflicted expression.

She felt sick. Her stomach was weighing her down to the floor, her back felt like it was snapping in two and her head was spinning so hard and fast she worried she might faint. This conversation was getting them nowhere, it was only creating an argument that was going to wake Luke and send them all into a state of distress.

"But the fact is that he's asked me, and the least I can do is consider it properly. I can't imagine a world without our boys or the pain it would cause to know I was the reason we couldn't have kids. And whether or not I donate or someone else does, I can see the reasoning of asking someone you know. It's comforting. If there are any problems, you can ask for medical history, you know they're a good person."

"Do what you want. It's your choice, but you have to think it through."

She wasn't going to be able to dissuade Evan no matter what he chose to do. He wasn't listening to her, he wasn't seeing this from the other angle. All he could see was his chance to help someone because that was what he was like, he wanted to help people and if he had the chance, he took it. Damn the consequences for himself.

Well if Evan wanted to do this, it was his choice. (Y/n) had no say because it wasn't her body, she could tell Evan she didn't agree and make sure he knew her thoughts and views, but she couldn't say yes or no because this was nothing to do with her body.

If Evan wanted to watch a fourth child from a distance, knowing he could most likely never talk to them or see their achievements or be in their life, then he could do that. He could do that and possibly make the biggest mistake of his life when that baby was here and he realised he wanted them, badly, but could never take them back.

And (Y/n) had a feeling that if he did this, it would be the last they saw of Connor and Laura. They wouldn't want to be around her or Evan too much in case their children got too friendly and their child realised Connor wasn't their actual dad. They wouldn't want Evan getting close to his true kin or getting attached or wanting to be involved in any way.

They would be selfish and push Evan out, once the baby was born, (Y/n) could see them not telling him anything. No pictures, no calls, no updates, nothing. He would be cut off just like every other donor out there.

Evan might be under the impression that because they were all friends, he would get more out of this. He would get to see this child grow up, but he wouldn't. He would be demoted from friend to donor.

"Baby don't do that-"

"I'm done with this argument." (Y/n) pressed her lips together to stop herself from crying, but she could feel the tears welling up behind her eyes creating a sting in her nose.

She turned on her heels, pushing her weight off the counter and back onto her legs that were close to buckling beneath her. She wasn't going to stand here and argue. He was going to make up his mind either way, this argument wasn't going to persuade or dissuade him in any direction. He didn't need her for these decisions and (Y/n) wasn't arguing when it was making her feel ill.

Her left hand trailed along the counter while her right hand pushed into the lower side of her abdomen like she was trying to give the baby a nudge to make them shift. They were pressing down on her hips and it was painful.

She kept her head tilted down, staring at the floor as she tried to pass Evan but she had to pause when his hand curled around her upper arm. But a deep growl left his lips when (Y/n) yanked her arm out of his grip and carried on walking.

"Get off."

She wasn't sure where she was trying to go. She was too wound up to try and go back to sleep with Luke and he didn't want to go upstairs in case she disturbed him. He didn't sleep at all last night and he had no nap yesterday, he needed his rest.

She passed the dining room and aimed for the living room, praying Evan wouldn't follow and drag this argument with him because (Y/n) knew if she sat down, she wasn't likely to be able to get up without a struggle.

"Baby, please don't walk away, this isn't just my decision."

He wanted to talk and he wanted to be close, he didn't want (Y/n) pulling away from him and not accepting his touch like this.

"Yes it is. If I told you not to and you regretted it, that would always be my fault. If I told you to go ahead and then you got shut out of that child's life for good, I would be to blame. My opinion is I don't think this is a good idea, but it's up to you. Help them, tell them to find someone else, whatever."

(Y/n) flung her hand out behind her to reflect that she was tossing this argument out the window and she couldn't hide the venom that seeped into her tone.

If she pushed Evan to do this and he couldn't be part of that child's life, he might regret it for the rest of his life. He might wallow about the child he could never see, never hug, never talk to. He might think about them for years to come and never come to terms with giving them up. But if he didn't do it, he might regret it later in life, he might think he missed out on a chance to do good, to give life and purpose to someone. Evan was always searching for ways to make a difference in the world.

(Y/n) couldn't make this choice for him, it had to be his own decision. But she feared if he went through with this, she herself might resent him for it.

She swallowed down a groan and aimed for the sofa that was calling out to her shaking legs. Her hand slid down to cradle the side of her stomach and both legs twinged and shook when a searing spasm pulsed through her abdomen.

Tears welled up in her eyes and she couldn't stop them from spilling down her face when she heard Evan groan and storm back into the kitchen.

Her hand reached out and clenched down around the back of the armchair while her other hand cradled her stomach that suddenly felt like it had dropped down towards her feet. She couldn't help but close her eyes as tears streamed down her face and her body doubled forward like she was a spring coiling back down.

Suddenly sitting down didn't feel like the right option even though her legs were close to buckling beneath her.

She twisted to the right, trying to gather enough strength to stand up properly again and aim for the stairs. She couldn't just stand here like a statue all afternoon. She needed to go calm down and the bedroom seemed the best place to do that, or maybe she could take a bath and see if that would relax her. (Y/n) didn't feel well, she needed to go calm down.

It took all the strength she had left to push off the armchair and try to shuffle towards the stairs and (Y/n) found she couldn't stand upright without leaning against something. Standing up straight hurt her stomach and her lower back too much. Her body slumped to the left, reaching out for the bannister to hold her up as her fingers dug deep into her stomach and her knees trembled.

She reached the stairs, but more tears were pouring down her face and curse words flew past her lips when her knees crashed down on the stairs.

"Fuck… oow, Evan."

Confusion tore through Evan and unease rattled through his blood as he spun on his heels and moved into a brazen walk down the hall. He didn't like the pain he could hear laced into (Y/n)'s voice or the guttural cry that followed.

His brows furrowed and he looked around, expecting to find her in the living room but he didn't like the sight he was faced with when he looked over at the stairs.

(Y/n) was knelt down on the stairs, one arm slumped on the step with her forehead pressed into her arm. And her other arm was cradling her lower stomach, a very bad sign indeed. Each breath was shallow and barely there at all and she was trembling enough to make thumps and taps rattle against the stairs.

"Baby, hey, baby what's the matter?"

He skidded across the floor to be beside her. His arms were stretched out before he was even within reaching distance of her and once he was close enough, Evan crouched down behind her with his hands on her waist. He waited a few seconds to see if (Y/n) would move or even turn his way, but she seemed too caught up in her pain to move or talk to him.

He looped his left arm around her waist across her bump with his hand flush against her stomach. And his right hand slid up beneath her arm to cup her shoulder so he could gently ease her back off the stairs. He pulled her as carefully as he could until her back was flush against his chest and her head flopped back against his shoulder.

"Talk to me. What happened, did you fall?"

(Y/n) managed to open her eyes to stare up at Evan and take in his panic-stricken expression. Her hand reached down to clench around his wrist that was resting over her stomach and she shakily grabbed his other hand while her eyes cast downwards.

"Fuck- oh, my water broke."

Panic took over Evan's system and had him on red alert. He glanced down over her shoulder, leaning his chest forward into her back to get a better view and he realised she was right. Her waters had broken. She was in enough pain that it had to be contractions she was feeling.

They were at thirty-six weeks now, labour could technically happen anytime now, although they would have hoped for another two weeks or more before having the baby.

"Oh oh… sweetheart I- I'm sorry. Come on, sitting on the stairs isn't gonna help either of you."

Evan kept her leaning back against his chest and he slowly shuffled off the lower step so he could get back on his feet. He eased (Y/n) back with him, moving both arms so they were around her waist, cupping her stomach to take her weight for her. He held her up with ease when her knees trembled and buckled and he carefully turned them to the side and started walking towards the armchair.

Once they were at the chair, Evan turned to the side so he could ease (Y/n) down into the chair. She sat on the edge, moving her hand to grip the armrest as she balanced her weight on her heels and sat forward, pushing her stomach down into her thighs.

As much as she felt angry towards Evan for this argument, she couldn't help but reach out for his hand and pull him closer as if she thought he would actually walk away from her right now.

"I'm b-blaming you for this." She whispered, following Evan through watering eyes as he crouched down next to her thigh and moved his free hand to grip her knee tightly. His puppy dog eyes stayed locked with hers while he leaned forward and pressed a tender kiss against her stomach.

There was nothing but love and sorrow hiding within his eyes that were close to tears. He hadn't meant to upset her this much or stress her out and push her into labour. He shouldn't have argued. He should have walked away or tried to simmer down the conversation when he noticed (Y/n) becoming uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry sweetheart, I am. Are you okay?" It seemed like a silly question but it tumbled past his lips before he could think better of it.

This wasn't how they were supposed to have their third baby. This wasn't part of the plan. They were supposed to have another week or two so they could get everything ready. Maddie was going to have the boys and they would be prepared and not in the middle of a heated argument when this happened.

(Y/n) didn't think she had the will power to use her voice yet, so she settled for nodding while she gingerly moved his hand towards her stomach. His touch always soothed and calmed her down and it would do the same for the baby too.

"I'll ring Maddie and check if she's off work, see if she can have the boys and get Carter from school."

With her teeth sinking into her lower lip, (Y/n) leaned forward a little more so she could nuzzle her face into the top of Evan's hair. She felt his fingers softly gliding over her stomach and when she kissed the top of his head, Evan tilted his head back to look up at her. His free hand moved to cup her chin between his thumb and finger and he searched her eyes for a few seconds, making sure she was calm and no longer panicking.

His eyes softened and he dived up to steal a kiss, feeling like he had been starved of her lips for weeks rather than just a few hours while she had been upstairs with Luke.

He kissed her like he was trying to pour all of his thoughts into her mind and kiss an apology into her lips. His tongue swiped across her lips and delved against hers, taking any air she had and breathing it back to her. And his lips curved into a burning hot grin when he felt (Y/n)'s hand move from his wrist to secure at the nape of his neck to pull him closer.

"I think you're right."

His breathless words, spoken against her lips, had (Y/n) frowning. What was she right about? Being in labour?

She nudged her nose against his, the confusion in her eyes begging him to explain what he was referring to. If she weren't so flustered and ravaged with pain, (Y/n) might have given him a sarcastic response before knowing what he meant. She would of said 'of course I'm right' or 'what else did you expect?' but she wasn't in the frame of mind to strike up sarcasm right now.

"If I was a donor, they wouldn't want me involved… I couldn't be there for any of it, not like this. I don't think I could do that." His hands moved forward so both palms were grazing across her stomach and he leaned over to press his lips against her bump over the top of her shirt.

If he went through with it, then it would be Connor in Evan's place. He would know his child was being loved and raised by someone else, and maybe that would be okay for a while. Maybe he could get in the mindset that it wouldn't really be his kid, he was offering up a bit of himself to help others. He would be giving an offering and that was it, Connor would be the one putting the time and effort in to raise the baby.

And Evan believed being a donor was such a good thing, it helped so many people. But one had to be detached to be a sperm donor. They had to be uncaring and ready to cut ties and not know anything about any kids they may have out there.

Evan wasn't that kind of person. The marines had tried to drill the love and compassion out of him, mould him into a machine and he left specifically because that wasn't who he was or who he wanted to be.

If he was the donor, he couldn't be there like this. He couldn't be at the scans or revel in the scan photos or the heartbeat, and he couldn't be at the birth like he was with his three children.

Being here right now, with (Y/n) in his arms and their baby between them, this was the kind of way Evan wanted to bring life into the world. He wanted to be involved.

"That's not a bad thing." (Y/n) wove her fingers into Evan's wild curls and nuzzled her cheek against the top of his head, leaning further into his embrace.

If Evan was going to bring life into the world, he wanted to be involved, in every aspect of it.

[glass-noodle]

lab merman AU Part 4 🐟📕

Hank starts spending his lunches with Connor. The freshly-caught fish he buys daily for the merman takes a hefty chunk out of his wallet, but Connor seems to prefer it over the frozen, ground-up stuff that’s thrown into his tank once a day.

Hank brings bits and bobs from home to entertain Connor — a book he’s reading, a Rubik’s cube (no sooner does Hank give this to Connor than the merman chirps and hands it back to him, fully solved), some coins (Connor really likes those). He shows Connor pictures of Sumo and reads bits of his novels out loud to him. Sometimes they just sit in amiable silence—Hank eating his sandwich, Connor his raw fish.

It’s stupid—he doesn’t even know if the merman understands anything he’s doing or saying—but he feels like Connor’s actually starting to become a friend. Connor seems to feel the same, if the way he follows him around like a poodle is any indication; either that or he’s imprinted on Hank or something. Maybe they’re both just lonely.

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Sending hugs always!

Talking like we used to do, It was always me and you

For Connor Rhodes please and thank you!

Connor doesn’t expect to see you on the bench outside the hospital. At first he isn’t even sure that it is you because you look completely different. These days your hair is pastel pink, falling to the line of your jaw in loose waves instead of your usual conservative style. Your eyes are highlighted with  black liquid liner, accentuating their shape. Your lips are painted coral, framing your mouth into a pretty pout. Your clothing screams art student, plaid maxi skirt with a black crop top and combat boots. There’s a five different silver studs in your left ear and a couple in your right. He only remembers two.

It's been almost six months since you left to go undercover and it feels like he’s staring at a completely different person. You’re feeling shy, he can tell. It’s in the way you hang back just a little, the unsurity in your features. Six months is a long time to be away, to not be involved in partner’s life.

It can be hard coming back, Antonio had warned him a couple of weeks ago. Trying to step back into your life after being someone else for a while, it can take a while to acclimate. Be kind to her, treat her the way you did before, remind her that nothing’s changed.

“When you commit to a role…” He says as he approaches you. “…you really commit.”

You shrug in response to his words, tucking your hands into the pockets of your jacket. There’s a tension in your shoulders. It’s as if you’re steeling yourself for a blow. He knows what you expect him to say, the assignment was too long, he’s taken another lover, someone who can be there for him when he needs it.  

“Baby…” He murmurs as he cradles your face between his hands. “Do you think I’m not happy to see you?”

Your eyes meet his and he sees such sadness in them. He can’t imagine how isolating it must have been undercover, how alone you must have felt. You build up those walls to protect yourself, keep yourself safe and he knows how hard it is to break them back down again.

“My feelings haven’t changed.” He reassures you and he sees a crack in the armour, a slight glimmer of hope. “I’m still as in love with you as the day you left.”

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