#pathethic | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

avirael · 3 months

Text

Legacy

“A’viloh! May I speak to you for a moment?”, a familiar voice called after him as Rael and A’vi turned to leave the feast the Company of Heroes had organised for them.

With a grimace on his face he froze on the spot. He hadn’t spoken to U’odh since his so called test at the Forgotten Springs and he would rather have jumped off of the next jetty than have this conversation now. In retrospect he thought it probably had been a mistake not to talk to him in the first place about everything that had happened. Leaving the bad news to Tykha and running away without another word had been cowardly but now it was too late to change the situation. Just like it was too late to change a lot of things he would do differently if he knew then what he knows now.

Rael threw an unfriendly look to the Miqo’te standing a few steps behind A’viloh and then fixed their eyes on A’vi, slightly shaking their head. “You don’t have to…”

“But I should…”, he whispered, his ears nervously twitching.

“If you say so…”, Rael muttered. “But I’ll be right over there ready to set his ass on fire if he gets rude…”

With a smile on his face A’viloh nodded.

As Rael left, A’viloh took another deep breath and slowly turned. It was difficult to look into U’odh’s eyes but looking down at the jetty only made him more aware that he didn’t even have solid ground beneath his feet.

“Thank you.”, the older Miqo’te began and gestured to a bench a few yalms the other way. “Should we sit down?”

Incredulously he eyed U’odh. He hadn’t expected to be greeted with so much politeness and didn’t yet trust that it would remain this way for long. Slowly he followed and sat down but didn’t dare to speak. For a long few seconds it was silent.

“First of all”, U’odh finally spoke after having observed A’viloh for a moment. “This belongs to you.”

He pulled the Amalj’aa necklace from his pocket and offered it to A’viloh. “You won it in combat. It’s your trophy, not mine.”

Reluctantly A’viloh took the thing and turned the beats and bones of the necklace between his fingers. Staring at it was a good excuse not to look at the person sitting next to him.

“Secondly”, U’odh said after taking a deep breath. “I owe you an apology, A’viloh.”

Surprised A’vi looked up. He must have misheard that.

“I apologise, A’viloh.”, he repeated his piercing bright eyes unusually soft but nonetheless fixed on him. “For the longest time I blamed you for my son leaving. And when you had the audacity to return to the village and at that without him, it made me angry. Then Thykha told be the whole truth...”

Ah, there it was! Of course there were going to be accusations again. Of course he would have to hear all over again how everything would be so much better if he had never made it to the Forgotten Springs. He sighed, readying himself to listen to whatever lecture U’odh had prepared and looked back down to the necklace in his hands.

“Don’t worry, I’m not here to say that I was right. I had a lot of time to think and I understand that it was wrong to blame you. It was never your fault that he left. It was always mine. I just didn’t want to admit it.”, U’odh explained and then paused for a moment before speaking again. “And now it is too late. The things I said made him leave and I didn’t even try to stop him. Had I been kinder, maybe things would be different now…”

For the second time today A’viloh couldn’t believe his ears. Slowly he looked up in disbelief. U’odh looked at him ruefully, somehow sad even. It was the same look again, that strange expression A‘vi had only seen twice on him. He had always only linked it to bad news of death and doom but now he saw that it was truly grief. Grief for his first wife, who had died way too soon, and for the home he thought he failed to protect when Dalamud was about to fall from the sky. Grief for Laqa, who they had both loved so dearly.

For a moment no one said anything until A’vi thought that he was probably expected to reply something. But what could he say?

“I don’t think so…”, he finally spoke. He wasn’t going to unfurl all of his feelings of guilt and self-doubt now. U’odh didn’t need to know about them. But if he was not supposed to blame himself, neither should the other Miqo’te. Helplessly A‘vi tried to find the right words for a moment. Great speeches weren’t one of his few strong points.

“Uhm…You know… Rael keeps on telling me something. They think wondering about the what-ifs only makes everything worse. They always say, You can’t change the past, but you can still change the future! or something like this… I‘m not as eloquent as them, I’m sorry…”

A’viloh was yet to put that mindset into motion for himself though. Out of the corner of his eyes he saw Rael, standing on the other end of the jetty with crossed arms and not even trying to hide that they were watching.

Slowly the older Miqo’te nodded. “That Viera is a smart one…”

A‘viloh nodded too. “They are, but that’s not was I wanted to say…” he paused and tried to find the right words. “Um... I think sooner or later Laqa would have left anyway and who knows what would have happened then. He may not have said so in front of you but he always spoke of adventures. Ask U’tykha or any of the others. He always wanted more than this village could offer him. He adored you and in a way he wanted to be like you, I think. To see the world, to be strong and to help people. To be a hero. But at the Springs he couldn’t become that…”

He had to stop himself there. His own words suddenly felt like thorny vines wrapping themself too tightly around his throat and the last thing he wanted to do now was to look weak in U’odh’s eyes.

But the older Miqo’te just sighed. A deep, defeated sound, which A’vi had never heard him make before. Then he fell silent. Thoughtfully he looked at A’viloh, who just stared back trying to hide how shaken he felt all of a sudden. After another long moment, suddenly U’odh started to laugh. Not the loud, mocking laughter A’viloh was used to, it was more like a chuckle he couldn’t hold back but nonetheless it visibly startled A’vi.

“I’m sorry. There’s nothing funny about that.” U’odh excused himself. “It’s just who would have believed that, of the two of you, you would be the one to one day sit here facing adventures equal to those of the Company of Heroes? I don’t mean to offend you, but it seems so impossible.”

“It's alright…”, A’viloh said and nodded. “You’re right. I certainly didn’t ever imagine something like this.”

For a second the older Miqo’te seemed to think about his next words. “I didn’t listen to you when you returned home. Instead I mocked you. I would understand if you refused to answer my questions now, but what made you the one to defeat Ifrit?”

This question surprised A’viloh. Neither had he expected it nor was he really sure what the right answer would be. “I don’t know.”, he admitted. “I didn’t exactly plan to do that. It just happened…”

That answer didn’t seem to be the one U’odh had wanted to hear. Curiously he tilted his head to one side and rephrased his question. “But what made you strong enough to do that?”

Yet again A’viloh felt like this was a test. One he was failing.

“Uhm… that’s thanks to other people I guess. When I would just have given up, they took care of me. And then I wanted to help them in return. So I went to Uldah, just like Laqa had dreamed, and I did as we planned. I learned to fight and made as much Gil as I could to help my friends. And from then on I just kept going. No matter where you go, there are always people who need help, so I just did everything I could. And somehow now I’m here…”

“I see…”, U’odh nodded, carefully evaluating the given reply before saying: “Your answer makes me happy, A’viloh. You know why that is?”

Confused A’viloh stared at him. Was he supposed to know why? Hesitantly he shook his head.

U’odh smiled at him. Not in a condescending way but with a strange mixture of feelings. “My son is not dead. Not entirely at least. You have become everything he ever dreamed and more.” Slowly he stretched out his right arm and with his index finger he tapped against A’viloh chest. “He is right here. Laqa is always with you and he would be so proud to see what you have become. And I, if you allow me to say so, am very proud of you as well.”

It’s not like A’viloh cared much about U’odh’s opinion of him, or at least he told himself so, but somehow his words still moved him more than he thought. He hadn’t expected so much sentiment from the older Miqo’te, so for a second he just stared at him perplexed. Then he could feel that tight feeling in his throat again. He tried to breath but it only got worse and then his eyes started to burn. Frantically he blinked, trying his best not to cry but it was in vain. It was simply too much. Embarrassed he hid his face behind his hands as he couldn’t hold back the tears any longer. “I’m sorry…”, he muttered with a faltering voice.

“Don’t be sorry.”, U’odh replied and put a hand on his shoulder. Then after a moment he nodded sideways. “But please stop. Your friend there seems to think I made you cry and looks very displeased about it.”

A’viloh laughed a little and tried to wipe the tears away but it was rather useless. He could already imagine Rael preparing a few nasty words or a fire-spell to throw at U’odh’s head. “I guess I shouldn’t let them wait so long…”

U’odh agreed but as A‘viloh got up to leave he added. “Please know that you can always return home if you like.”

A’viloh paused and turned to look at him. “I don’t know…”, he said and then added quietly. “It’s not the same anymore…”

U’odh simply nodded. “I know.”

As A’viloh reached the end of the jetty and stepped onto the sand next to Rael, the Viera gave them a curious look. “Why are you crying? Should I rather make it thunder than fireballs?”

A’viloh shook his head and smiled as he pressed the hand holding the Amalj'aa necklace to his chest. “No. It’s alright.”

#ffxiv #final fantasy xiv #ff14 #final fantasy 14 #ffxiv writing #a'viloh tia #rael hyskaris #I'm on the fence about this story...#I'm not sure if this change is too sudden and cathartic on the wrong end #But I think I did u'odh wrong by portraying him solely as the villain and ignoring the tragic and mirroring backstory I crafted for him #that mean old suncat probably feels pity for that pathethic little whelp ;D #But that story is something for another time maybe...#Most importantly I wanted to give A'vi a way to at some point find his peace with everything that happened #or at the very least a reason to keep going in moments that seem hopeless #he's not at that point yet where he would keep going for his own sake but he certainly would for laqa

10 notes · View notes