#people who send me asks that I still haven't responded to yet I Live In Shame

[sunshine-in-a-bottle]

Do you have any headcanons that are true for most/all of your fanworks even if it’s not always noticeable?

fuck. I have to remember my own writing now one second.

Dream is always a sex-positive ace. He isn't sexually attracted to other people but he likes sex and he likes people. Most of the time.

Sam always has a little crush on Dream as a kid because Dream was So Cool and Strong.

I feel like I rant about this way too much but. Dream has adhd, Sam has OCD/OCPD, and Punz has autism. They Are The Neurodivergent Triangle. This Is Always Correct.

Wilbur always has a crush/is way too attached to Michael McChill in any timeline they meet, and McChill simply has to live with this.

DreamXD is a Dream apologist. Every Time.

If Punz is a hybrid, they don't openly show it or draw attention to themselves. They're not keeping it a secret so much as they're really used to people being judgemental bastards in their line of work.

Lasercorn (Maricraft) was the original Blood God/person to have a covenant with the Blood God, and is one of the voices in Techno's chat. He is always the first person to call for violence.

Full-Memory Ranboo is always on Dream's side and is like. Thumbs up. Also when Tubbo finds out they get a divorce, there's no saving that trainwreck of a revelation.

In the minecraft universe, being poly is the norm, and monogamy is typically considered a lot less common. When you live in a world where you can hop server to server with ease, where you don't die of old age and breeding isn't Required for new players to spawn (sometimes servers just decide to spawn some little guys) there was never any pressure for monogamy. People still get married, and communication is still important, but no ones going to bat an eye to find out you're dating a lot of people or in a large relationship.

Puppycat Sam

[arcanesea]

sparks fly

PAIRING: yang jeongin x reader GENRE: best friends to lovers, jeongin has a f!fans that annoys reader lol WC: 1.1k WARNING: profanity, jeongin is a little mean:[

"Special delivery from your 'secret admirer'." You said, making an air quote after slamming the coffee cup with a little too much force. You took your seat across Jeongin, huffing.

He looked inside the cup, pushing it in your direction, "You drink first, it might be poisoned."

You flip the ungracious finger in front of his face. Throwing a mocking smile. His so-called secret admirer (who lives directly across your dorm) has been making some inquiries over the last couple of weeks. Coffee, bottled beverages, cookies, even sandwiches, only for Jeongin. She waited in front of your door every morning, requesting you to deliver the goods to Jeongin.

When asked why she didn't do it herself, she claims that she doesn't have the courage yet. Along with that, she also asks you to play matchmaker. You would've agreed if she's not actually acting so annoying, asking for a selfie or even a photo of Jeongin with the stuff she sends.

"What if he thought this was all from me?" you ask one day, holding the tuna sandwich in your hand. Jeongin hates tuna, he prefers chicken sandwiches or plain bacon.

"Why? Do you plan on tricking him into believing that?" she asks back, confused. "You're just friends, right? You always said so, Jeongin does too."

Right… Friends…

Today was probably your tipping point because she's in a hurry, and you don't have class until later in the afternoon so you planned to sleep in a little bit. But persistent as ever, she knocks violently at your door, waking your roommates who had the day off, basically pissing the both of you and now you're just cranky.

"Did she annoy you?" Jeongin asked. He swirls the cup in a figure-8 motion, trying to assess your mood this morning.

"You think?" you respond. You took out your laptop, trying not to be a pile of negative energy. "I don't get it why she's so persistent, it's not like you're going to date her anyways, right?" you ask Jeongin without looking in his direction. Truth is, you're afraid that he might've said that you're wrong.

"Well since she seems to be perceived in a bad way by my best friend? Yeah, I think I'll pass," he answers. Your heart sank at the word best friend, but that's just the way you are. His hands leave the cup, tousling your hair.

"It's not like that, it's just… she's hell-bent on sending you this stuff, through me, like I'm some goddamn owl." You press on your keyboards violently. "And I'm still nice for actually giving it to you. I could've eaten them all by myself!" You exclaim. You had, in fact, thought about that. But that would make you look so bad, that even your roommates vote against doing so in case of karma.

"Are you not going to drink it?" you ask, eyeing the coffee. "I haven't eaten anything and I feel I could eat someone right now."

"I'll get you a new one," he said, standing up from his seat. "Sandwich?"

"Tuna," you answered, offering him a smile. "Thanks, you're the best!"

He grabs the coffee cup with him and walks inside the cafeteria to order a sandwich. He looked around the room when his eyes caught a glimpse of the so-called secret admirer. Well, he found that bit by himself, taking notes from the description you gave him along the time. His eyes met hers and he dropped the coffee cup on the bin. Not even taking a sip from it.

Jeongin hesitates a bit before actually approaching her. She didn't notice him at first until one of her friends whispered in her ear, pointing at him. He leans on the table, throwing a vile smirk. Luckily the cafeteria is so bustling with people that no one even notices the scene.

"Listen," Jeongin said. "I appreciate your effort, but you need to quit."

"Why? Did your little friend say something bad about me?" She dared herself to ask. Jeongin clicks his tongue, unimpressed. "Am I wrong to try? You're single anyways."

"Wow, you really got some attitude," he responds with a smile. "I can't tolerate an ungrateful person," he expels, surprising her. He's not one to talk shit about someone else, but when they mess with you, they're looking for a fight with him too (even when you're capable of picking fights by yourself, it makes him feel much better if you don't have to).

"You need to apologize, or you don't have to. Either way, this stops now." Jeongin said, "I'll pay you back if you want. Let's not waste each other's energy on something impossible to achieve, and that means the possibility of you and me together."

Without waiting for her response, Jeongin walked out and took his place in front of you. Handing you the tuna sandwich.

"You don't have to do that, you know," you said, opening the paper wrap and thanking him. You saw him approaching her table earlier when you went in to wash your hands. From afar, you can see his cynical face contrasting her shocked expression. You don't even want to interrupt, letting him do what he feels like doing. You trust him enough to not do something stupid or say something harmful. Counting on him to stay on course, which he did, just the cold-hard truth is all that comes out of his mouth.

"What?" he asks back, eyebrows knitting together. Then it sets on his face, "Oh… Well." He shrugs nonchalantly.

"Why did you even grant her wishes? I thought you liked me."

You choked on your sandwich at his careless statement, grabbing your bottle before chugging the water inside, leaving him laughing.

"Excuse me? How did you even come up with that?" you ask. Though you act cool, your insides are trembling with fear.

"Well, because I like you, I just thought the feelings were mutual." He bites into his sandwich, looking at you with your jaw slightly dropped. "Was it not mutual?" he asks again when you didn't respond for a few minutes.

"Is this seriously how you're gonna confess to me? are you tricking me into confessing first? That's such a dick move, you know." You gulp your water again, trying to drown the nervousness.

"Well, what do you want me to do? Going down on one knee is definitely too early, right?" he asks, trying to play innocent. He puts down his sandwich, looking at you, seriously this time. "I like you," he started. "That should be enough confession, right?"

His eyes turned the shape of a crescent moon, a genuine smile on his face.

"Fine," you admit defeat, putting down your own sandwich before ripping the bands of friendzone by saying; "I like you too."

look who's posting double due to technical error:/

[queenie-ofthe-void]

WIP Weekend

Tagged by @theheartofthekoko tysm you're the best

I'm committing myself to at least five sentences for each ask, and I've posted a paragraph for each one below the cut!

A Desperate Fool (rockstar!eddie steddie breakup)

The Babysitter Chronicles (Max, El, or Lucas)

Tiger Club (single dad steve and teacher eddie)

I'd also like to do angsty august but literally haven't even thought of an idea yet, so you could force me to brainstorm that as well.

I'll come back and do the tagging later. But PLEASE if you see this, play along! Tag me back though so I can send you a million asks.

A Desperate Fool

She squeezes his ankle again, except this time it’s too tight, her nails digging little moons into his skin. Like whatever she has to say will send him running, because everyone knows he’s a coward, will disappear exactly the same as before. It’s how he knows he’s still the same person as before– undeserving of the people he loves most– when her next words send a small shock through his system. “Because I’m the one who set them up, Eddie. And I’m not sorry.”

2. The Babysitter Chronicles (Lucas)

“If her parents are like her brother, Billy,” Mr. Sinclair interrupts, “Lucas could be in danger just by being her friend, Steve. If her parents are anything like that, I can’t have our son spending time with her. It won’t matter whether you’re there to protect them or not. There are some things you can’t save them from.” Steve doesn’t know how to respond, feeling like there’s nothing he can say that’ll meet the gravity of their questions, except sit in their beautiful, warm, yellow kitchen and process the small fraction of their world they’ve laid plain. Max is an amazing kid and is so much more than her family is. More kind, strong, compassionate. She gets along great with the boys, and he can tell something’s growing between her and Lucas. 

3. Tiger Club

It was Thursday and Eddie hadn’t seen Steve once. It was Aunt Robin every day so far, but she promised yesterday that he’d be doing the pick-ups the rest of the week. He hadn’t really believed her, but when the kids ran out after school today saying how excited they were to see Dad, maybe Eddie should’ve taken her seriously. Because now here he is, fiddling with his clothes and trying to smooth out his hair like he’s about to meet the goddamned Pope or something. Eddie shouldn’t feel like this. He’s just some guy– nay, ex-jock– who happens to have two snarky kids who play DnD, a lesbian for a best friend, and actually saves lives for a living.

[ahgasegotarmy116]

L0v3 M3

Summary: You're both each other's escape but he can't tell you who he really is... Pairing: y/n x idol Yeonjun Word Count: 4.2k~ Warnings: Like one or two curse words lmao... that's it a/n: Requested by a lovely anon <3 I hope you like it :)

🟢  y/n is online

🟢 Yejun is online

Yejun: How's your day been? I haven't heard from you today :/

y/n: I am so sorry Yejun! Things have been pretty hectic at work and I wasn't even able to eat lunch today :(

Yejun: Oh my gosh that's horrible! How are you feeling? You must be exhausted! Have you eaten yet?

y/n: *send picture of your favorite food* Yup! I figured I would treat myself today!

Yejun: You definitely deserve it after the crazy day you had!

y/n: Enough about me though, how have you been? Did you do anything fun today? I know you said it was your day off so I hope you did :)

Yejun: Not really, I hung out with one of my roommates since we both ended up having today off so we just played some video games.

y/n: Oh did you guys try out that new game you said was coming out soon?

Yejun: Yeah we did! It came out on Friday but we didn't have time to check it out until now so it was fun trying to figure it out together. 

y/n: Did you win?

Yejun: Of course

y/n: As expected from my champion <3

I smile down at my phone after rereading your message for the 10th time before responding. "What are you smiling at?" Beomgyu says walking into the living room after waking up from his nap. "Nothing" I say locking and putting away my phone before another ding rings out notifying the both of us (unfortunately) of another one of your messages coming through.

"Doesn't look like it's nothing" Beomgyu says tilting his head trying to see my phone hidden behind my back. "Well either way it isn't any of your business I say defensively. "Yeonjun be honest, you're still talking to that girl aren't you?" he says, obviously disappointed in me. 

"So what? What's wrong with that?" I say continuing to defend myself. "She doesn't know who you are right? You know it could cause a huge scandal if-" "I'm being careful. But no, she doesn't know who I am. I know better than that" I say hoping the conversation is over and we can move onto something else. "You better..." he says trailing off.

"What's that supposed to mean? Last time I checked I was the hyung here. You really think you can talk to me like that?" I spit out getting fed up with him. "Okay I'm sorry I'll stop bugging you about it damn" he mumbles. "I'm sick of your disrespect Beomgyu. When are you gonna sto-" "Yeonjun that's enough" Soobin says walking into our dorm trying to defuse the situation. 

"You know what I'm done, I'm leaving" I say walking towards the door and heading outside. Luckily some of our staff are still hanging around outside since they had just dropped Soobin off. "Can you take me for a drive? I just need to get out of my head for a while" I ask knowing that taking a walk instead isn't really possible with my current idol status.

The staff nods and opens the car door for me before going over to the drivers side. "Do you have anywhere you would like to go or just somewhere away from the city?" he suggests and I'm happy to hear that he's able to read my mind. "Away from the city please, I need to get away from all the chaos" to which he nods and starts the car doing just as I had asked. 

I pull out my phone after our drive is underway and I remember that I had left you on read.

🟡 Yejun is busy → 🟢 Yejun is online

🟡 y/n is busy

The last message you had sent me was asking if I had any plans for the rest of the night. I'll be honest I downloaded this app with the intention of pretending to be someone else. I just wanted to be a normal guy, talking to normal people and having normal conversations. But when you're an idol that privilege gets ripped away from you and you don't realize how much you're going to miss it until it's too late. So my name on here is Yejun and he's basically me except with a new face and a new name.

Choi Yejun, Yes I know very creative but I did't want to lie too much

Age: 24

Birthday: September 12th which isn't a complete lie because it's the 12th in America but the 13th in Korea

Height: 6ft, yes I did add on an inch okay, sue me!

Blood Type: A

MBTI: ENFP

Education: Batchelor's degree in Music with a minor in dance. This one however is a lie laced with some truth okay, let me have this one. 

I got the pictures of "Yejun" off of instagram after looking through hundreds of accounts, trying to find one that fit my vibe. Luckily the account that I take the pictures from belongs to a very very narcissistic guy so I'm constantly getting new picture to send you if I need to. Do I feel bad lying to you? Yes of course.

I wasn't even planning on keeping this account for long. I just wanted to try and use it as some sort of escape. We met by chance and somehow along the way we just started messaging each other everyday and it's gotten to the point that I feel like there's something missing if I haven't heard from you that day. 

Some days are busier than others and I hate it. I wish I could just spend the day with you. Not just messaging you on my phone or computer but really spend time with you, in person. Somewhere along the way I started to fall for you. Don't ask me why or how, it kind of just, happened. I noticed it when I started to compare every woman I encountered to you, and none of them could live up to what you mean to me. Call me crazy but something in me is holding out the hope that someday we can be together, or at least meet. 

We've been talking to each other for months but I'm afraid that when I finally gain the courage to call you that you'll recognize my voice and that could be the beginning of the end for us. You're not even into Kpop like that, let alone my team (it hurt my ego a little bit but I got over it) but it still scares me. My attention is soon brought back to my phone as I see that you've come back online and responded to my message.

🟡 y/n is busy → 🟢 y/n is active

🟢 Yejun is active 

 Yejun: Hey sorry I got busy there for a second but no I'm free for the rest of the night. What about you? 

y/n: I'm free as well :)

Yejun: Good

y/n: Good?

Yejun: Yeah because you can pay attention to me after neglecting me all day :(

y/n: I already told you I was busyyyyyy 

Yejun: Yeah I know I was just teasing

y/n: If it makes you feel any better I really missed you <3

My breath hitches a bit at the confession. It's nothing big but for some reason it has my heart racing nonetheless.

Yejun: Yeah you better! But I missed you more ;)

y/n: Good, what are you up to?

Yejun: Nothing really, just relaxing, trying to clear my head.

y/n: Oh, is there something wrong?

Yejun: It's just that things have gotten really busy at work and I feel like I'm being stretched way too thin.

y/n: Could you maybe talk to your boss? See if there's anyways that someone could help you out?

Yejun: There's already four other people working with me so they can't really afford to spare anyone else. Plus it would throw us all off if someone else did join this late in the game. 

y/n: Oh okay that's understandable. You guys don't want to mess up the synergy you have going on right?

I smile happy that you're starting to understand me and my world without really knowing it. 

Yejun: Exactly! I couldn't have put it better myself :)

y/n: You know you can tell me anything right? I know that you like to keep things to yourself about you work and everything but if you're struggling with say your friends or you're feeling down then I'm always here <3

Yejun: Thank you y/n I really appreciate you and our friendship so much! You have no idea how much you've helped me since we first met. Life for me is just so fast paced so it's really nice to have someone who likes me for me and not for what I can do for them you know?

y/n: I totally understand, I feel the same way about you. Even though we haven't met in person I feel like you're the best friend I've ever had. Like a true friend, so thank you Yejun. You've made my days so much brighter and my nights so peaceful. I just don't know what I would do without you.

It's really me that needs you. Everything in my life from the age of 15 to 19 has been about debuting and now that I have it's just, well I don't know, things are just not the way I thought they would be. Seeing my Sunbaes debut before me just made me so excited at the prospects of someday following in their footsteps. I kept counting the days, waiting for that time to come when they would finally tell us we were going to debut. 

I was the first member of the team that would become Tomorrow x Together and the other guys trickled in bit by bit in 2016 and soon we were put together. It still took us about three years until we debuted but we worked hard every single day until we finally made it! 

A few months after we debuted though the pandemic hit, and everything about the way that idols and idol groups promoted their music and performed had completely changed. The day they told us that BTS had to postpone their world tour was the day that I knew everything was going to change.

It was hard being a new idol group and not being able to get the love, energy and support that most groups get. It just makes all of the hard work worth it when you get to see the look on people's faces and hear them cheering for you. Although my idol journey hasn't been the same as idol groups that debuted before me I wouldn't change it for the world.

The pandemic brought our team closer, but it also pushed us apart at times. Having to live together with the uncertainty of it all was nerve wrecking. It's all thanks to our Moa though, they really kept us going when times got tough. But even after the pandemic started to calm down I just couldn't shake the feeling that something was missing, that I had lost something and I wasn't sure how to find it. That's when I found you.

I had wanted to find some way I could escape from this whole idol world and just be me. Not Tomorrow x Together Yeonjun, just me Choi Yeonjun the kid who worked so hard for his dream and made it come true. I want people to like me for me, but things started to change with the people around me when I debuted. Some idols would try to befriend me, only to get closer to BTS and the friends that I had made before when I was still a trainee started to treat me differently now that I was "famous". 

The members of BTS and especially Namjoon hyung really helped me navigate this whole scene and always gave me the best advice. I watched them grow, from their tiny debut showcase and their even smaller fan meet, to their first win with I Need U. Everyday since the beginning I've seen what they're capable of and I want us to be that kind of group someday too.

Thanks to them they've opened up a lot of doors not only for us but for the whole industry. I'm always thinking of them and how much I've grown to love an support them, I always have and I always will. Plus they're all just so hilarious, they never fail to bring a smile to my face and I could never thank them enough. 

I know I'm rambling but those are the thoughts that go through my head when I try to process my life these days. There are days I want to say "Fuck this" and just leave, but there are other days that I just couldn't imagine myself doing anything else. It's come to a point where I don't think I could go on without being a part of this team, and that's gotten really unhealthy for me. This whole mindset I've found myself trapped in for these past few weeks has been utterly exhausting and the only thing that's kept me going has been you. 

I know I have my members and Moa and the company to rely on but I just want to be seen as a person, not an idol or an asset, just me. You've really brought me back down and helped me embrace my humanity again, as dramatic as that sounds it really is true. It's easy getting wrapped up in the glitz and the glamor of it all but having you really reminded me that I'm still my own person apart from all of this. It's just, I don't know...freeing I guess? Being able to just be myself, but I hate that I can't be my true self with you. 

I've adopted this persona that I have to stick to, for both of our safety. It's not that I don't trust you, it's just that I want to keep you away from all of this and keep your view of me as the same guy you've known this whole time. Yes with a new face and some tweaked physical traits but it's still me. I hope that someday if we get to meet that you won't hold it against me. I hope you'll realize that It was safer this way because I really want to keep you in my life but only for as long as you let me. 

y/n: Are you still there?

Yejun: Yeah I'm sorry I've got my head stuck in the clouds but I really do feel the same way :)

y/n: What's got you so distracted?

Yejun: Just life I just can't seem to separate myself from work you know? My work life balance isn't the best but unfortunately with the kind of job I have it's pretty much impossible to do so. 

y/n: I swear you get more and more cryptic everyday 

Yejun: I'm sorry I'll stop talking about it. What are you up to?

y/n: Nothing really, I just put on a show that I've seen before as background noise but I really have kept my night clear to talk to you and I'm glad it worked out :)

Yejun: Me too, but hey I have a question for you. Well more of a proposition...

y/n: You're scaring me but I'm all ears

Yejun: Would you maybe be free to talk right now? I just really need to hear your voice.

I've told you time and time again that I didn't feel comfortable talking on the phone but I think I need to make an exception for this time.

y/n: Are you sure? I mean yes I would love to talk to you but I just know you've been uncomfortable with the idea of calling but yes! Call whenever :)

I ask the staff to pull over into a pretty much abandoned parking lot hoping this will provide me with enough privacy. I step out of the car and let him know that I'm going to take a call and it might take a while, to which he nods and tells me not to wander off too far. 

My thumb hovers over the call button for a few moments before I finally take a deep breath and press it to start a call. It rings a few times and I can feel the anxiety build with every ring that plays until I hear a click telling me you've picked up. 

"Yejun?" I hear your voice resounds melodically.

"Um yeah hi" I say in english. Us living in different countries has also proved to be an obstacle in our relationship but it's honestly for the best. 

"Oh my gosh is it really you? I can't believe I'm actually hearing your voice!" you say clearly excited which releases so much tension I've been holding in my body all day. 

You've sent me voice notes before and if I'm honest I listen to them about twice a day but who knew that something as simple as actually speaking to you could make me feel so at peace. 

"Me neither, I don't know why I was so scared to call you but I'm so happy we are finally doing it" I say feeling like a new layer has been added onto our relationship.

"Me too, you've been sounding really down today though. I know you've already told me about it but is there anything I can do to help?" you ask.

"No it's okay love, why don't you tell me about your day instead?" I let out and start looking up at the stars. 

"Love?" you repeat, clearly surprised.

"Shit I mean-"

"No it's okay, I like it" you respond and I can hear how shy you've gotten from the accidental term of endearment.

"Really?" I ask now feeling embarrassed but also happy that you don't mind if I call you that. 

I've gotta try out other pet names to see how they will make you react because even if I can't see you I can clearly tell you're blushing. 

"Really" you say and the line goes silent for a while, neither of us knowing what we should say next. 

"So are you gonna tell me about your day silly?" I resort to, amused by your shyness. 

"Oh right, well when I got there this morning we..." you say telling me every little thing you could think about that had happened you today, and I mean it when I say that you tell me every detail but I can't help but find it incredibly endearing. 

"Yejun?" you say catching me off guard, I'm not really used to responding to that name when it's said aloud so it took me a second. 

"Hmm?" I hum in acknowledgement having lost track of your story.

"Were you even listening to me?" you laugh, clearly knowing the answer already.

I list off a few things that I had thought I had heard but unfortunately had gotten wrong.

"Yeah you said something about spilling your tea on yourself while you were at home and had to change again before you left right?"

"It was actually coffee and I spilled it on my coworker and they had to send it out for dry cleaning but luckily he keeps a spare set of clothes at his desk"

"Oh yeah and he said that you had to give him the money to pay for the dry cleaning"

"No he was really chill about it and I offered to buy him lunch as an apology so I went to go pick something up for us on our break so it would be ready for us during lunch"

"Right right and you went to go get fried chicken and they took forever" 

"I swear your mind is something else because it sounds like you know the plot but somewhere along the way lost all the details of the story" you say laughing at me and I know know now that I got it bad. I know it might seem foolish to say that I'm in love with someone that I haven't even met but there's just something about you.

"I'm sorry love, I just really love the sound of your voice so I kind of got lost in it. I'm not ignoring you I promise I guess that I'm just getting a little tired"

"Oh so I'm boring you to sleep?" you say sternly

"No y/n that's not what I meant I-"

"I know, I just wanted to hear how you would sound when you were panicked" 

"You're mean" I pout, really feeling scared that I already messed things up between us.

"Aw you love me" you say so simply that I choke on air before my mind can even fully process what she had just said.

"You okay over there?" you laugh clearly amused at my reactions to your teasing. 

"Yep *cough cough* all good" I say trying to calm myself down, this is so embarrassing, I don't even know how to respond to subtle flirting from you. It's come so easily to me when I'm with my members and even Moas but I guess since I don't have feelings for any of them like I do with you it's just a little more nerve wracking.

"Maybe I should let you go so you can get some sleep. It's probably really late over there right?" 

"Yeah I guess you're right. I just wish that the time difference didn't make things so difficult for us" I say taking a deep breath in and letting it out to calm myself. 

"Me too, but we finally spoke on the phone so at least that's something! We should do this more often!" you say trying to cheer me up. 

"Definitely! I'll let you know next time I'm free to call and you do the same for me okay? Maybe we could squeeze each other into our schedules a bit more" I say hopeful that something like that might work. 

"Sounds good. Goodnight Yejun" you let out in a melancholy tone.

"Have a good rest of your day love" I finish before hanging up. 

After finally getting back to the city and making our way to the dorm I'm reminded of the way I left in the middle of an argument. 

"Are you going to be okay Yeonjun?" the staff asks, clearly concerned knowing that something set off the need for this impromptu trip. "Yeah I just lost my temper but I'll be fine. Thank you for tonight, I know I kept you out for a lot longer than you're used to". "It's okay kid, I knew you needed it. Let me know if you need anymore late night drives again. Oh and Yeonjun" he calls out before I'm able to close the door. "I hope she's worth it" he says with a sad smile, clearly aware of what had just happened. "She is, don't worry" I say giving him a shy smile in return. "Have a good night, get home safe" I say and close the door after we finished saying our goodbyes. 

Walking in the door I'm greeted by the sight of Beomgyu sitting in the living room with a dim light providing us with a soft golden glow. "I really don't want to hear it tonight" I say starting to make my way to my room. "Please, I just want to apologize" he lets out, clearly remorseful. I stop in my tracks and think for a second before finally caving and sitting down on the seat opposite of him and wait for him to continue. 

"I'm sorry for the way I spoke to you today, it was uncalled for and I know that" he says pausing, giving me a chance to respond. "I know you're just concerned for the team and you're right, we have a duty to each other as a team but also we have a duty to each other as people. This has been going on for months and no one else has found out besides you because you're nosy" I say smiling at him, showing him a playful attitude rather than an accusatory one.

"I'm being careful don't worry okay? I wouldn't jeopardize the team like that. As much as it hurts me to have to keep my life a secret from her, she's very understanding about it all and isn't pushing me to tell her anything. Just please let me have this Gyu, I've got it under control" I say hoping we can leave it at that. "Okay, I trust you" he says and we sit in silence for a while until he speaks up. 

"You spoke to her on the phone tonight didn't you?" he asks with a sly smile. "No...yes...how do you know?" I ask confused as to how he could read me so quickly. "Because you looked so happy when you came in here verses how you left. A miracle had to have happened to curb that temper" he says clearly happy he was right. "Goodnight Beomgyu" I say and get up to make moves to go to bed, rolling my eyes at his cheekiness before I smack him upside the head and run off with him yelling and running after me. 

"Choi Yeonjun" I hear being yelled from inside of Soobin's room clearly having been woken up by our shenanigans. "Goodnight everyone" I yell back and close the door and lock it behind me providing me safety for the rest of the night. I let out and breath and shrug off the jacket I had been wearing and throw it on my desk chair and I soon hear a quite notification pop up and confused as to who it might be I pull out my phone right away and I smile instantly reading the message over and over and over again. 

y/n: Goodnight love talk to you tomorrow <3 

Read L0v3 y0u to see what happens next <3

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[jeonjungkookenthusiast1997]

Misunderstandings and Secrets

Summary: Ever since Bang Chan's mother met Y/N's father, their lives have been nothing but chaos. Can these two step siblings solve their differences and come to a conclusion. Bang Chan has been bullying reader because he doesn't know what to do with his feelings towards her.

If you do not like stepcest please move along this fic is not for you!

Content Warnings: dead dove Do Not Eat, sibling incest, step sibling incest, stepcest, cursing, pet names, oral (female and male receiving), creampie, unprotected sex (wrap it up people), bullying, angst, fluff and angst, smut, angst with a happy ending, college au

Word Count: 4,227

Navigation

some background for the story

Bang Chan and Y/N had always known each other during their school years being only a few days apart in age, they're even in the same college. Y/N had even had a little crush on the brunette boy but recently all that changed.

Bang Chan's mum met Y/N's dad at a bar one night and that's when their worlds collided, they'd never been too close before but now they were forced to endure time together as their parents started to date.

It only took a short amount of time before they married and now they're all living together in the same house. Y/N has assumed Bang Chan must hate her now because his treatment of her has worsened over time and now he basically bullies her whenever they bump into each other at college which is how we get to this part of the story.

Main story starts here

Bang Chan is towering over Y/N as she sits trying to eat her lunch with a small crowd of 'friends' I guess you'd call them "look who's here boys" the brunette says to you as he wears a look of total distain on his usually pretty face. Y/N sighs at his antics "what do you want Bang Chan?" She lowers her eyes not wanting to meet his gaze "we just wanted to come and play with our toy" he leers putting on a sickly sweet voice as he grips her arm "get off me" she spits as she pulls her arm away from his grip but he follows as she tries to leave "why? You're my little toy remember? I wanna play with you now" his voice may sound sweet but his expression tells her a different story "fuck you!" She pushes him away and runs off to an empty lecture hall.

Bang Chan runs after her sadly and with his athletic build is easily able to catch up with her though without his friends following behind "stop running and come back here!" She shakes her head as she tries to jump away from him but he simply grabs her waist and pins her to the wall, his strong arms caging her in. She grunts in pain as her back hits the wall "What do you want from me Bang Chan?" He sinister looking grin crosses his face as he responds "I want you to sit there and take whatever I give you." Before she can ask what he means she notices he's taken his phone out and started snapping photos of her in this precarious position "I want to show the boys how cute my baby sis is" Y/N quickly turns her back embarrassed by his actions "Stop Bang Chan! Why are you sending them photos of me? And I'm NOT your baby sister I'm like 6 days younger than you!" She whines hiding her face against the wall away from her step brother "oh I haven't sent them just yet but I will and it's because I'm proud of you! Look how adorable you are, you're my adorable baby sister" he turns his phone to show her the photos he has snapped which only causing small tears of embarrassment to fall from her lashes.

In a small, broken voice she hardly recognises as her own she asks "please stop". A look of something she doesn't quite understand crosses Bang Chan's face but he shakes his head "oh don't cry. It only makes you look more adorable" Bang Chan grabs her face and uses her thumbs to wipe the tears away "see how adorable you look now?" Her brows furrow in confusion as she shakes her head sniffling slightly when she realises he's still holding onto her face ever so gently, catching stray tears with his thumbs. As another sniffle makes it way out of her body he frowns "what? You don't think your adorable?" Bang Chan's hold moves to her chin making her look at his face but again she shakes her head with tears rolling down her cheeks, a sob racks through her shaking chest "never thought you'd say something remotely nice to me... thought you hated me..." Her bottom lip wobbles slightly as more tears fall. Bang Chan lets out a deep sigh as he caresses her cheek before he smiles "no I don't hate you I never have. I think your absolutely adorable. And how can I hate something I love?" A look of shock flashes through her eyes "you love?" She gulps back some of the saliva pooling in her mouth at her nervousness "Since when have you ever loved anything about me?" Another sigh is released from his body and his posture slumps as though he's being weighed down by something "since you walked through our door with your dad. I'd always thought you were kinda cute but that day I realised I couldn't help but to feel an attachment to you. I couldn't understand everything I was feeling then but the more time we spent together... the angrier I got at our situation because I realised I liked you and there was fuck all I could do about it" his head drops now away from her eyes "so I just pushed you away, pretended I hated you because it was easier than loving someone I could never have" after his confession Y/N is frozen in her place against the wall "say something" Bang Chan whispers in a soft voice as he leans forward to kiss her cheek as delicately as he could as if she would crumble away at his touch.

She squeaks out a gasp at his words "I- I'm so sorry I didn't know... But our parents, we're step siblings now" she looks down at her shoes biting her lip as if to stop more thoughts tumbling out and ruining a surprising sweet moment between them "I never liked treating you so harshly, hearing you cry most nights broke my heart but it seemed better than admitting my feelings for you. Now I've told you though I don't know how I'll hold them in. And it makes me want to hold you close to my chest, makes me want to shield you from other men" Bang Chan bites him lip waiting for her to say something to him but all she does is scoff while looking down "got a shitty way of showing people you care huh?" She still hasn't looked at him yet, eyes on the floor when she hears him groan loudly "I'm poring my heart out here and you say that! I'm trying to tell you I care about you... A lot, okay!" Bang Chan takes hold of her face again and brings it close to his own face, his sudden movement has left her speechless as she lets him move her face as he wants, her eyes wide with shock at his outburst.

As Bangchan smiles at her he gives her a quick kiss on the lips "see I told you I care for you" Bang Chan chuckles softly to himself as he looks at her, her fingers tentatively move to her lips touching where he kissed her before she looks up to him still quiet from the shock of how things have suddenly changed between them. Bang Chan used his fingers to move some hair away from her face as he looks at her pink face "I love you" he murmurs sweetly "do you love me too?" Bang Chan tilting her chin up to look into her eyes.

Her eyes flit up to his own at the word 'love', she thinks for a moment before she slowly nods "... I- ... I've always wanted us to be closer, for you to actually like me even a little but I've always known that deep down I was disappointed that you would be my big brother because I knew I really liked you" he can't help but bite his lip at her words "well now I hope you know how much I care for you. I know we started out on the wrong foot, but I'll be better just for you okay Y/N?" Bang Chan gives her a tight hug as he smiles.

Y/N smiles brightly at his words, hugging him back tightly hiding her face in his buff chest "I'd like that Bang Chan" the brunette hugs her tighter to his body "I'm going to do everything I can to make you happy. And I won't treat you bad again, no more bullying either" Bang Chan nuzzles her head into him and holds her close.

She nods at his words her face still hidden in his chest before she looks up at him as he asks "wanna go home? I want to cuddle" Bang Chan grins "sure let's go home" she smiles as she pulls him out of the main entrance doors, she stops suddenly "what about your friends? Won't they wonder where you've gone" She asks with a sour look on her face at the mention of his friends. The man at her side scoffs at her question "oh don't worry about them, I'll tell them that I got sick or some shit. I can't let them ruin our moment" Bang Chan smiles as he pulls her into a dark alley and bends to give her a sweet and soft kiss "now lets head home". She follows him back to their home "We're back!" She shouts as they enter the living room but no one responds back showing the house is empty "are we alone?" Bang Chan asks as she looks around the room.

She hums to herself as she quickly checks the rooms downstairs "must be, lets go to your room" she tugs his hand as she leads him up the stairs "are you sure you wanna go to my room? I'm sure your room is prettier and cosier than mine? I want you to be comfortable Y/N" a small blush spreads over her cheeks as she nods "never been in your bedroom yet, was too scared to ask before" Bang Chan laughs as he pulls her to his door "are you sure your not scared of me? I'm a scary person remember?" He smirks while opening the door for them both to enter, she shakes her head and smiles as she moves into his room "not anymore" she intertwines their hands shyly "fuck you're so cute when your shy" Bang Chan closes the door behind her and locks it.

Y/N takes a moment to look around her step brothers room before she hears him speak again "now, lets cuddle shall we?" Bang Chan suddenly picks her up and runs with her throwing her into his bed while she giggles, then he snuggles up next to her looking down into her eyes as he strokes her face making her blush. Bang Chan cages her body under his own with his hands at her head holding his body up as he looks at her face before leaning down stopping himself just before her lips "can I?" He asks tentatively as his eyes drop down to her lips "yes" she whispers as his fringe tickles her forehead, at her confirmation he leans down and steals a kiss from her lips.

Bang Chan's kisses are soft and gently as he uses his hand to caress her face "I know it's wrong but I can't stop myself" he murmurs against her lips "I don't want you to stop Bang Chan" she loops her hands around his neck pulling him closer to her body as she kisses him back passionately tugging his plump bottom lip between her teeth as she pulls away.

Bang Chan groans against her lips stuttering out a broke "F-Fuck~" at her teasing actions, he moves his hand down to her back as the other hand gently goes to her hair. He presses his body against hers as he continues to kiss her with passion "I can't control myself anymore little sis" Bang Chan's face turns red as he smiles down at her pretty face "don't hold yourself back from me, I want you" she brushes her fingers down his chest as she lifts his shirt over his head admiring his defined abs.

Bang Chan shivers as she touches his body, he kisses and nibbles her neck leaving small red and purple marks as he goes "I want you so badly too baby" he whispers softly. Y/N can't help but admire his chiseled upper body, never having gotten a good look before now. She presses delicate kisses to his chest then up to his collarbone, leaving little nips as she goes along with her hands roaming his sides down to his pants. Bang Chan groans loudly as she kisses his chest and he pushes her up against his body.

Bang Chan's lips go back to her neck as he bites softly drawing soft moans from Y/N "you shouldn't mark me like this, people might ask questions... We can't... Answer..." Her thought trails off as she sighs contentedly, head tilting back as she feels his teeth graze her soft spot. She lifts her body up slightly parting their bodies just enough to pull off her shirt and unclasps her bra "who cares if they do, let them ask. I want to show you're mine" Bang Chan smiles down at her as he runs his fingers softly up and down her back.

Bang Chan pushes his body up for a moment to look at her breasts "fuck... I love your body babygirl, so much better than I ever imagined it'd look" a pink blush paints her cheeks as he stares at her body "Stop teasing me Bang Chan please~" she pulls him back down to her body "sorry, Y/N. I can't control myself after holding myself back so long" Bang Chan lays on top of her as his hand finds its way to her chest as he massages it.

Bang Chan moves down her body pressing kisses to her breasts and leaving kitten licks across her nipples, teasing them into small peaks "Mine" he mumbles possessively as he plays with his step sisters body, he grips onto her hips as his lips suck against her sensitive nipples one last time before he looks at her as she squirms in his hold "are you sure you know what you're getting yourself into?" She nods her head to show her understanding "I want this Bang Chan, want you, want us" she responds quietly as she shimmies out of her skirt then removes her panties too, showing her step brother she wants to give herself to him "fuck okay, just know that once we do this it'll be hard to go back" Bang Chan gives her a quick kiss on the lips as he smiles.

She nods again "I understand" she smiles at his insistence that this is something she wants before she spreads her legs to invite him in as her hands grip his strong arms, he grins widely as he moves between her thighs spreading them apart allowing himself access to her pretty pussy "are you ready babygirl?" he smirks and his hands lay against her spread thighs.

She blushes a soft shade of pink but smiles "I'm ready Chan" she bites her lip as he leans his head down pushing out his tongue to take a tentative lick at her slit, groaning as he gets his first taste of his sweet step sister "Wet already babygirl? Fuck~ all I did was play with your pretty tits" he can't help the smirk that finds its way to his lips.

He moans as he takes a long lick from bottom to top of her pussy, making her squirm slightly as he grabs her ass cheeks gently squeezing them and spreading her out further for his tongue to explore her body. She tips her head back as she feels his warm tongue spread apart her lower lips trailing kisses up until he reaches her clit where he sucks her into his waiting mouth, licking as he sucks gently. He growls softly as he continues to lick his step sister's pussy, enjoying every second of tasting her slick as he pushes two fingers inside her tight pussy while licking and sucking gently on her clit.

Her hands reach above her head to grip Bang Chan's bedsheets tightly as she falls apart on his skilled tongue, gasps and moans falling out of her mouth as she throws her head back into his plush pillows, legs starting to shake against his head "F-fuck Chan" he chuckles softly as he hears his step sisters moans, continuing to eat her out as he slides another finger inside her wet hole stretching her open ready for his thick cock. His other hand grips onto her thigh firmly keeping her steady as he licks faster and harder over her sensitive spot, tracing his name across her clit with his tongue "What is it babygirl? has no one fucked you this good with their tongue before" he teases possessively as he grips her thigh tighter.

She hiccups softly as tears start to roll down her cheeks, white hot pleasure coursing through her body "Never had a boy make me c-cum befo-" a moan cuts off her words as his fingers brush against her sweet spot "then let me give you something to remember, baby girl. I'll have you screaming my name all night long" he growls as he licks her clit using his tongue to tease her swollen nub, rubbing and teasing her walls with his fingers hitting her g-spot with every thrust. He uses his free hand to push her hip further to the side giving himself more space to work his magic on her, he thighs don't stop shaking as she grips his hair tightly in her dainty fingers.

Bang Chan has a smirk on his face as he continues his sensual actions "That's it little sister~ Cum on your step brothers tongue like the good girl you are" his fingers rock into her spasming walls faster as she squeezes his head between her thighs tightly the pleasure too much as one last suck to her clit tips her over the edge, she cums hard against his talented fingers. He plunges his finger into her slower now as he helps her ride out her orgasm, her breathing heavy as her body shakes.

He continues to finger her slowly taking his time to ease her down after her intense orgasm, he pulls back slightly to gently suckle on her clit before pulling back to look into her eyes and smirks "told you I'd give you something to remember babygirl" with her breathing still ragged she nods before grabbing his arm to pull his head back to her lips, kissing him passionately as she tastes herself on his tongue "your turn" she smiles as she pushes him onto his back and crawls down his body, kissing down his chest until she reaches his pants.

He chuckles lightly as she kisses his stomach, biting playfully at his skin as she undoes his belt buckle and unbuttons his jeans letting them fall around his ankles exposing his throbbing dick "Mmmh..you're such an eager little thing aren't you?" she immediately gets to work on his pretty cock using her tongue to lick up the pre cum leaking from his red and swollen head, after cleaning him up she takes him into her mouth using her tongue to massage the underside of his shaft as she sucks.

He groans loudly feeling her warm wetness engulfing his hard shaft, he grabs onto her hair firmly but not painfully as he gives her hair a little tug to get her attention "As good as your throat feels against my cock- Fuck~ I need to be inside you like now" he grunts as he feels her give his throbbing member one last suck before pulling off with a 'pop'.

She looks at him confused "But I haven't gotten to taste your cum yet" she whines feeling frustrated at being stopped but his soft chuckle lifts her attention back to her lovers face "You can taste me later babygirl~ right now I need to fuck you" he laughs softly seeing how cute she looked all pouty like that, he leans forward placing gentle kisses along her jawline and neck making sure to leave hickeys everywhere he went "you'll let me fuck you full of my cum, yeah?" he bites his lip looking at her cute face.

His words cause a whimper to fall out of her throat as she nods her head fast before laying herself back down on his bed with her arms held out to him, he grins to himself as he makes sure to tease her by running his cock up and down her slit taking extra time to rub his cock head against her clit, enjoying the moans and whimpers she made in response. She whines frustrated "Chan please" she shudders at his teasing before he finally holds his cock firmly in his hand before lining himself up with her pussy and slowly easing his cock into her wet warm hole.

He moans deeply feeling her tightness engulfing his member, he starts to pump in and out of her slowly as he pushes in until his full length has disappeared into her body, enjoying the way she grips onto his back as he moves within her, he leans his head down locking his lips with hers as they kiss "fuck Chan~ h-harder, need to feel you harder" she whines as his cock pounds into her causing her to grip his back tighter leaving small crescent shapes in his skin.

His smile widens even more hearing this, he speeds up his thrusts rocking the bedframe into the wall loudly with each thrust before he suddenly pulls out leaving her to whine in frustration "On your hands and knees babygirl~ I'll make sure to fuck you right~" she can practically hear his smirk as she maneuvers herself into position about to complain at the lack of dicking down she's getting when he re-enters her suddenly pushing her back down so he can pump into her faster and deeper making her wail out his name in pleasure.

He chuckles lightly seeing how much she enjoyed being taken roughly, he continues to pound away at her relentlessly not giving her any chance to catch her breath or rest "That's right babygirl... take every inch of your step brothers fat cock!" she's gripping the sheets in front of her tightly as he pounds into her, her mouth slightly open as he takes her from behind when he suddenly reaches his hand down to rub his fingers across her clit in time with his thrusts making her moan louder with each.

He smirks seeing how turned on she was by him rubbing her clit, he then grabs hold of her hips pulling them towards him and slams his cock deep inside her once again making her scream out loud "I want you to always remember how good I felt fucking your tight little pussy~" he softly nibbles her ear as he fucks into her wet hole making her thighs shake from the position he has her bent in "fuck~ can't last when you're sucking me in so good~" he moans as she clamps her walls down on this throbbing dick, he's rubbing her clit faster now matching his thrusts to hit her g-spot each time "Need you to cum first babygirl~" he groans as his grip on her hip tightens.

He begins pounding into her harder and faster his balls slapping against her ass each time he pumps his cock deep inside her. He lets go of her hip to push her body back down to the bed so he can slam his cock deeper inside her making her squirm beneath him "Cum for me babygirl~ I wanna feel that pussy soak my cock in your slick~" the repeated pounding of her g-spot and his fingers diligently rubbing her clit has her tumbling into orgasm faster than she expected, she falls forward thighs shaking as she shouts "C-Cumming Channie!" she grips the sheets tightly as she cums hard squeezing his dick tight as her cum leaves a ring of slick around the base of his cock "Good girl~" he chuckles as he feels her tight little pussy clamping down on his cock as she cums.

He thrusts into her one last time, slamming his dick inside her as he cries out her name "I'm going to cum babygirl~ Fuck! Fuck!" with a low groan he cums shooting his cum straight into her spasming pussy walls, he gives her a few shallow thrusts gripping her hips tightly as he comes down from his intense orgasm.

He pulls out slowly letting his softening member slip free from her well fucked cunt. He rolls himself off of her onto the bed before he looks at her lovingly and smiling mischievously asks "So how did it feel finally having a man make you cum?" she rolls onto her back and giggles "Good, really fucking good Channie" without thinking she cuddles herself into his strong arms leaving little kisses against his sweat streaked chest as their breathing evens out.

He kisses the top of her head before he speaks, his voice a raspy whisper "I'm glad you enjoyed yourself babygirl~" he pulls away to look at her and brushes her hair from her face "I know we've got a lot to talk about, about us and what we've done... but let's wait until tomorrow yeah? For now we can just enjoy each other" he bites his lip as he waits for her response. She nods her head agreeing to his words, they share a soft smile before he rolls out of bed to get a damp cloth cleaning Y/N off first then himself, throwing the cloth into a bin near his bed he lays back down with her in his arms so they can share soft kisses and sweet words before she inevitably has to go back to her own room as to not to arouse suspicion from their parents.

Banner made by: @cafekitsune 💙

[sketch-guardian]

Is it okay to ask if you would ever make a post about your obey me ocs personalities and what they like, they look so cool!!

Hi! I'm sorry for the late reply😖also please don't worry, it's perfectly okay to ask questions and I'm glad that you like my OCs☺that makes me very happy💕especially considering that only a few people are interested in them🙈so feel free to send asks about my OCs, I don't mind and would try to respond as soon as possible✨

In any case, I also read the second ask, so considering that I haven't written anything yet about the personality and likes of my angel OCs, this post will be about them😇I hope that's okay🙈:

"NEW EXCHANGE STUDENTS FROM THE CELESTIAL REALM'S PERSONALITIES AND LIKES"

REMIEL

Remiel is an angel of death, and her true form is as the Archangel of Hope. She's the daughter of Death and Azrael, so she is half angel-half nephilim. Remiel always seems somber, gloomy, quiet, but very caring and cautious, especially with the souls she helps reach the afterlife. She has a very soft voice and rarely gets angry, at most she can get disappointed and she's the type to offer second chances, because she believes in redemption if repentance is genuine. Remiel doesn't know human customs well and is rather dense when it comes to feelings or jokes. She's very literal-minded and straightforward, although gentle, so she often needs help to fill her knowledge gaps and satisfy her curiosity. Remiel likes to learn new things, both through books and experiences, the sky, nature and observing the world she isn't used to, since she deals with the dead

NATHANIEL

Nathaniel is a quite high rank angel, like a seraph, and embodies the virtue of Patience. He has a rather serious, ethereal and calm aura, it seems like nothing can shake his stoic attitude, however he's chiller than he seems and willing to lend a hand and offer important lessons/advice to those who need it. One of Nathaniel's traits is that he almost never speaks, he expresses himself mostly with gestures or nods, however he's able to communicate eloquently. To compare Nathaniel to a character, he might resemble Kris from Deltarune, although more graceful. Nathaniel appreciates quiet places, helping others, butterflies, comfortable clothes and exploring

URIEL

Uriel is a warrior angel and embodies courage and justice, she lives to fight and defend and takes her duty very seriously, she rarely breaks rules and under that armor, there is a soul unsure of her own value. Uriel cares about discipline and is quite serious, stubborn, too proud (tsundere-) to let herself go, even if she can be persuaded. Uriel's a very protective angel and unfortunately she still has prejudices towards demons due to the celestial war, so she needs help to overcome her resentment. Uriel enjoys training with her sword of holy light, feeling useful and appreciated, exercising, and flying. She doesn't have much free time, so she may be pushed to actually find new hobbies

[k-s-morgan]

I heard news about a snowstorm in Ukraine that caused several deaths, and I was so worried for you. Are you okay, Morgan? Is your family safe? Are things calming down there? I keep checking for news that announces the end of this war, and it's disheartening to see that it never arrives. I can't imagine what it must be like to live through this. Is there anything we can do for you? Do you need somewhere to take refuge outside the country? Is the money you receive from your job sufficient for you and your family to live comfortably? I always check the updates you post, and it's admirable that these horrible events haven't changed the golden heart you have, you are a wonderful person and you don't deserve any of what is happening, I hate that I can't do anything to stop it this war, but whatever I can do for you I will.

please be safe, please keep fighting.

Another ask: Hey, I hope you're just busy but please give us some sign that you're okay, please. I'm worried

Another ask: Katrin, you are okay??

Another ask: You okay??

Another ask: How are you going?? Is everything already? Please asnwer 😭

----------------------------

Hi! Thank you all, you wonderful anons (and my lovely first anon, I'll respond to your questions further down in this reply). I'm so touched that you've been thinking about me! There was indeed a serious snowstorm that caused some deaths, but I'm fine: honestly, I'm such a hopeless stay-at-home introvert that I usually leave only for short trips to the shop and to feed pigeons & stray cats. So I meet most storms safely tucked in my bed))

It's all right now, though everything is still covered in snow. If there is snow where you are, too, and you see miserable pigeons or other birds around, please feed them if possible! They rely on us entirely during winters. Some grain would be ideal.

I was hoping to make a monthly post, but my tight work schedule + migraines ruined these plans, so I decided to give up on it. Russians haven't attacked my city again yet after that the most massive attack by drones. I'm pretty sure it is coming, though, especially on holidays. They tried to tun our last New Year into hell on purpose by sending missiles during the day, killing people, and then sending drones at night. I worry that this year might be even worse, but I've been teaching myself to live in the present and enjoy peace while I still have it, so I manage to keep my fears at bay.

First anon, thank you so much for your kindness! I have places where I could go and stay beyond Ukraine, but for the next year at the least, I intend to keep holding on because I can't leave without my family (and the bigger half of my family is not allowed to leave legally yet). If Russian attacks get completely unbearable, I might go to Poland to my relatives for a month or two just to unwind and to repair my sanity a bit.

As for the money, I'm doing more or less okay, and people who keep supporting me on Patreon help me to stay afloat. I have some debts, but they are under control - I owe the bank $300, which is 1/3 of my monthly salary, so I'm capable of paying it back little by little. The situation is not ideal, but nothing to worry about.

Like many Ukrainians at the moment, I feel burned out regarding the war. There are many amazing, kind people in this world, and our soldiers are absolute heroes who deserve all respect in the world, but those with power to make decisions like money way too much. It's an unfortunate fact that has been making people all over the world suffer generations after generations. Many US, European, and Chinese companies continue to help Russia manufacture its missiles and other things they use to kill us. The help Ukraine gets is enough to let us survive but not enough to let us win. Those who can make money on it eagerly grab the chance, including some members of our own government. I'd like to be optimistic, but I really don't see a scenario that would end with justice. It's very difficult to accept the fact that terrorists and murderers won't be punished - on the contrary, many of them will continue to live in luxury, unable to imagine what an explosion even sounds like, until the day they die. But like I said before, it is what it is. The world is full of bitter examples like this.

Thank you for being with me and supporting me, reading my stories and sending your asks. I hope to end this month with posting two chapters for my two stories. My second job comes to an end December 15, and hopefully, I'll get a chance to really dive into writing after this!

[heartlandians]

Filling Empty Spaces (Amy/Mitch), part 233

Mitch and Amy find an unexpected connection due to absent lovers. Set around season 11->.

A/N: I didn’t have a beta for this story, so hopefully there won’t be too many grammar errors. CW: Mentions of self-harm/suicide

****

When Mitch opened his front door few hours later and saw his father, Garrett Cutty, on his porch, holding a leather duffel bag, the first thing he thought was how much older he somehow looked. Like the life had shaved off few years from his life since they had last seen each other.

The man, who his mother had always called "young Henry Fonda" lookswise, appeared thinner and had few more wrinkles than what Mitch had recalled. Still, the luscious dark brown locks that had always been something people said he shared with Mitch were still pushing out under the old, worn-out cowboy hat he had on, and none of them had turned gray so far.

Mitch wasn't sure if it was just the fact that they didn't really see each other much these days or just the doom and gloom of the day, but looking at his old man made the younger cowboy realize that his dad was showing clear signs of age and those were a reminder he wasn't going to be around forever.

"What's that?" was the first thing his dad asked when Mitch was about to greet him and thank him for coming.

Mitch's eyes followed the direction of his father's gaze and noticed a pile of bricks on the side of the house, waiting for him to get started on a project.

"Oh, that's supposed to be an outdoor firepit, but... it's still under construction", he explained, feeling like despite all the progress he had made with renovating the place, he had fallen behind with everything he was hoping to do with it.

"Right", the older man rumbled thoughtfully, perhaps even a little bit judgmentally, and then turned his eyes toward Mitch. "Well, are you going to invite me in?"

"Of course. Come on in", Mitch said, moving aside from the doorway. "I didn't have a chance to say anything yet, with you opening your mouth right away, but I was going to thank you for coming", he added when Garrett walked in and took in the place.

"Well, it's about time that you invite me or your mother over. You've been living here for a while now, haven't you?" the man asked and put down his bag when he had entered the mudroom.

Mitch scratched his neck and sighed quietly.

"I've been meaning to invite you two eventually, but... I wanted to get things ready before that. Like the ramp outside", Mitch explained and closed the door. "I just finished that few days ago."

"Yeah. I did notice that", Garrett admitted, giving him some credit, and then handed him his cowboy hat. "Look what I found!" he showed the hat proudly.

Mitch smiled a little bit. He remembered that hat even though he had not seen it in a while.

"Your old hat."

"Yup. Haven't had much use for it in the city, but figured now that I'm visiting Hudson, might as well wear it", he explained when Mitch hung it on the wall. "Oh, and before I forget; your mother sends her best. She was sad she wasn't able to come but she has a trip with her choir, starting tomorrow morning, so she stayed behind. They're performing at Camrose. -- Your invite kind of came last minute, after all, so you can't blame her for not changing her plans..."

"Well, yeah..." Mitch responded.

He had extended his invitation only for his dad, but then again he had used the word "you", which meant his father had taken it as "you and mom" instead of "you" as in "you only".

Then again, things had worked out in the end, so there had been no harm done.

"Maybe next time then", he added.

"Yeah. So... show me around", his dad urged by snapping his fingers, and Mitch grabbed his bag from the floor and started his house tour - even though there wasn't much to see.

"Here's the kitchen..." he gestured as they exited the mudroom.

The kitchen looked like any other country kitchen, but the highlight of it was the fireplace that immediately caught everyone's attention.

"The fireplace is between the kitchen and the living room so when the fire is on, you can enjoy it from both spaces", he explained. "Down here... toilet and the bedroom", he shared, showing two doorways.

One of the doors was closed and the other door, that revealed a little bit of the bedroom behind it, was ajar.

"I figured you get the bed and I can sleep on the couch. I already changed the sheets and all."

Garrett scoffed. "Non-sense. I can sleep on the couch just fine. It's a sleeper couch, right?"

"Yeah, yeah, it is", Mitch nodded, then looking around to see if there was anything he had missed. "Well... anyway, that was about it. I can show you the outdoors tomorrow during the daylight. The horses too", he said, looking a little lost in his own space. He didn't really entertain guests and it showed.

"How many horses you got? I thought you only had Maverick."

"Maverick and another one, Whisky. But Maverick's my main working horse."

Garrett nodded slowly, examining the details of the house. "And you live here alone?"

Mitch thought about Lou's words in the car and how "living with horses wasn't equal to living with another person", so he kept that in mind now.

"Yeah. Just me."

"Huh..." his father let out and it sounded loaded with meaning. "Have to say, when you let us know you had bought a house, your mother and I thought maybe you had finally found a girl and you were settling down", Garrett admitted, walking closer to one of the shelves where Mitch kept few pictures in a frame.

Looking down, Mitch felt a lump in his throat.

Maybe if things were different, he could have told about Amy, like how he was actually seeing someone but he was still waiting to see where it would go before any big steps (like talking about living arrangements), but now he felt like he had to hold off that information.

Then again, why had he invited his dad over in the first place if he couldn't be honest with him?

Just to keep him company or perhaps have someone to talk to too?

When Lou had suggested inviting his dad over, it had sounded like a good idea to him, but now Mitch found himself clamming up; like he wasn't ready to really reveal anything he was thinking at this moment.

So, what was the point of having his dad around again...?

"I mean, we reckoned there had to be some reason why you didn't want to take over Saddle Road back when we downsized but you have a small farm house now", his dad added, poking a sore spot of Mitch's mind without him probably knowing. "Meeting someone would have explained it."

"Are you hungry?" Mitch asked, changing the subject. "I could fix us a late supper, if you want."

"Sure, I could eat something", Garrett said, focusing on the pictures as he saw familiar faces in them.

He was oblivious to what Mitch was going through.

"Okay. I'll just leave this here and go wash my hands", Mitch said, putting down the bag next to the couch if his dad was going to sleep on it after all. "Make yourself at home."

****

While sitting down and eating the supper, it was getting more and more obvious to Mitch how estranged they had become with his father; Garrett tried to stir up conversation about sports, but since Mitch didn't watch anything else but cooking shows from TV - not that he even really had time to do that these days - that stream of discussion quickly dried up before it had even truly began.

The ticking of the clock on the wall and the low sounds of cutlery, as they were slicing the food on their plates, added to the awkwardness.

"So... I was thinking maybe tomorrow we could go for a trail ride", Mitch eventually suggested, "I mean, when was the last time you went riding?"

Garrett shook his head after forking food into his mouth.

"Oh, I don't know... Besides, I don't know if I can get up on a horse anymore, with my bad knees and all..."

"That's no excuse; Mom using a wheelchair didn't stop her from riding on your anniversary", Mitch reminded. "There are ways to get on a horse, even if your legs wouldn't work perfectly."

Garrett thought about it and sighed lightly.

"Okay, fine. We can give it a try then", he finally agreed, keeping his eyes on the food.

Mitch smiled, seeing a little hope for them still.

Nature, horses and ranch work had always been something they had bonded over when Mitch had been younger, so when that had been taken away due to the Cuttys selling their ranch, it was like a big part of Mitch's relationship with his dad had disappeared too and it had become harder for them to find ways to connect.

But now, Mitch had the opportunity to offer that for them again and he couldn't have been happier.

"Do you miss it? Ranch life, I mean", Mitch asked after a beat while chewing his food.

The atmosphere didn't feel as tense anymore because they weren't desperately trying to find something to talk about. For a while, it felt like old times; as if they were at home, gathered around the dinner table after chores and catching up.

There was a hint of bittersweet feelings in the air, though, because it had been such a long time since they had done something like this.

Garrett glanced at him, then bringing his eyes back on his plate as he was thinking what to eat next.

"Yeah, I miss it. But... it's complicated. I can't reminisce it too much", he said, shrugging.

"Why not?" Mitch asked. "Isn't thinking back to old happy memories a good thing?"

"Because... it can be hard to think back to those times sometimes; most of the memories are happy and good, yes, but... our last year at Saddle Road..." Garrett tried to explain and shook his head. "It was a different time for your mother and me. It wasn't the happy ending we envisioned for us."

Mitch nodded, sensing something more vulnerable in his father's voice.

He had always found his father to be very practical when it came to emotional situations, and the older he himself had gotten, he had always thought how much he wished to be like that.

But it looked like maybe that had been an illusion - to some degree, at least - to keep them all going.

There was no recollection in his mind about this type of emotional response when they had had to sell Saddle Road. Sure, his father had been bummed, but mostly Mitch remembered a man with a plan, and that was what they had all leaned on while feeling grateful that there was at least someone who knew what to do.

"Have you found happiness in the city?" Mitch was curious to know.

"I'm happy with your mom", Garrett announced in a way that he expected to cover all fronts. "That's all that matters. Wherever she is, that's my home."

Mitch hummed, nodding thoughtfully.

They had never really talked about that time, and he wasn't sure how much more his father wanted to dive in now either. Based on the things he said - or didn't say, more like - not much, probably.

"I know this isn't the same as Saddle Road", Mitch began, "but you have this place to come now. It's just me here, but I am hoping that this could become a place for people to come to and enjoy the nature and... well, just farm life. A place to... breathe. Like a safe harbour."

"Can I just ask..." Garrett took over, not really sounding like he was expecting Mitch to actually give a permission, "why this place? Why not Saddle Road? The place had been in my family for generations. You have no connection to... this", he gestured around them, sounding bitter. "Saddle Road could have been a safe harbour too. Because it already was - for us."

Mitch looked down, sighing.

He knew that even though time had gone on and things were now done and dusted, it sounded like this was something that probably still needed going over with.

In the past, he probably would have turned away from the conversation, but through therapy he had found that the sooner he faced the uncomfortable things, the better.

It had been years since this had been topical, so the best time to have this conversation had already passed, but the next best time for that was now.

"I get it, you're angry at me--"

"No, I'm not angry at you", Garrett corrected, "I'm just... disappointed."

"Okay, disappointed then", Mitch took that into consideration, even though it didn't make much difference to him as he had let his family down anyway, but it sounded like it was important distinction for his dad. "I wish I could have taken over the ranch when you asked. I do. And I agree; it would have been a perfect safe harbour. But... back then, I wasn't in the right head space to do that. It would have been too much to run that kind of... operation."

Garrett listened, looking at his son. His eyes welled up a little.

"I have thought about that a lot, you know, what could have been if I had taken over. As a matter of fact... I even felt guilty buying this place, because-- I don't know, I just felt like I let you down. Like I don't deserve to own a place after I blew you off", Mitch explained.

There it was; probably the biggest reason why he had been afraid of inviting his parents over, even though deep down he had always had the intention to.

Inviting them over would have meant having to face that disappointment.

But that was what he was doing right now.

The situation with Amy and him needing other people for support through that, had forced Mitch to reach out to his dad who had once upon a time been his biggest guardian in life, and in order to revive that connection in this time of need, Mitch now had to own up to his past mistakes while also clearing some things up to his dad.

It sure was a weird, tangled web of emotions, but they had to be faced.

"But I think, looking back now, it's a good thing I didn't take over. I was messed up from what happened overseas... And then what happened with Zach, it... destroyed me. I needed time to think and find my way back to who I was. I didn't want to make any commitments because... things were just spinning out of my control. I don't think I could have handled running a ranch on top of it", Mitch explained. "Saddle Road deserved better. And it has, but with someone else."

"Did you ever..." Garrett began, but hesitated.

Was this a question he wanted to know the answer to? Maybe he needed to in order to understand more.

"You never considered doing what Zach did, did you...?" he finished.

Mitch looked at his dad, surprised by the direct question, but at the same time it was no wonder if he had thought about that after losing his nephew and having his own son come back from a similar situation.

Even though Mitch knew the answer to the question, he paused because he did wonder why that was.

It could have been easy for him to at least think about it, even if he wouldn't have actually thought about following through.

But he never had, not that way, despite all the hard times.

"No", Mitch said, shaking his head, and allowing Garrett to breathe a little easier. "I never did."

"Good... Good..." Garrett murmured, sounding slightly emotional and relieved. It sounded like maybe he had held onto that fear for a long time and was now able to let it go.

"But... it wasn't easy, even if I wasn't... self-destructive. At least, not in "the traditional way" people think one might be. But I was in other ways. Ways I didn't pick up at the time, but I do now."

Mitch sighed, circling back to what they had actually talked about.

"So... I needed to make mistakes, broaden my horizons and learn from all of that before I could really understand who I was or... what my plan was", Mitch went on. "It was just a matter of right place at the wrong time. I know you would have probably felt happier if the ranch had been passed down to me, but... I wasn't the person for that then."

"I should have been more supportive with you", Garrett admitted his guilt with a sigh and trembling voice.

"No, it's fine. It's not why I'm telling you this", Mitch wanted to put a stop to it right away. "You had to look after mom. If anything, I should have been more supportive of you guys. But... I don't know... I just couldn't at the time. It was like-- I don't know. I just physically and emotionally couldn't. It was all too much."

Garrett nodded.

"Well... we still got here", he wanted them to focus on the positive.

It was like he was back to being his practical self.

"Yeah, we did. A little battered and bruised, but... we're still here", Mitch admitted, raising his beer bottle and his dad met it with his.

Garrett then took a sip and looked around as he leaned on the chair.

"Well, this house isn't bad", he wanted to clear out as if he was finally ready to give his first impressions after putting his pride aside. "It's small, but... it'll do. For now."

Mitch hummed.

For someone else, it could have sounded patronizing, but Mitch knew that after feeling disappointed in him for years when it came to this topic, it was high praise from Garrett Cutty.

If anything, it felt like his dad was seeing the same potential of this place as he did.

[a-queer-seminarian]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers 💕

Thanks, anon. I'm not going to send this to other folks via askbox but if anyone wants to respond in the replies / @ me in their own post I'd love to see!

It's been a rough month or so — trying out new medication backfired spectacularly (prozac my beloathéd </3) and my depression sunk in with a vengeance. It's been more important than ever to pay attention to the good things in life, to remember that it's not all bad.

My truly wonderful wife, Leah. She has been so kind and patient with me throughout this hard time. Just a few days ago, after I had a bit of a meltdown, she took me outside to soak in some sunshine and pointed out some of the things to keep living for — the birdsong, the breeze, our neighbors with their progress pride flag decked yard. The flowers and vegetables I've been growing, most still young sprouts but some beginning to bear fruit. Her arms around me. ...I couldn't ask for a better helpmate.

2. My garden! I'm not very good at gardening yet, but I'm working on it and I'm proud of the progress! And the bright side to living somewhere so fricking hot is the growing season is long, so my slow-growing plants have plenty of time to flourish.

3. Our sweet kitties and (this is goofy but) my plushies lol.* They bring me a lot of comfort and happiness. (*Yes, a lot of them are squishmallows; I'm aware that the company that makes them gives money to Isra3l — we haven't bought any since finding that out in the fall, and have no plans to. Boycott kellytoy!)

4. Stories and storytelling. Listening to novels and reading various theological books, watching something and discussing it with Leah or another friend, is one of the main ways I make meaning and learn how to navigate the world. A few great books I've read lately:

Safety through Solidarity: A Radical Guide to Fighting Antisemitism

The Heaven and Earth Grocery Store by James McBride (now there's a storyteller)

The Darkness Outside Us by Eliot Schrefer

Wholehearted Faith by Rachel Held Evans

Decolonizing Palestine by Mitri Raheb (I know I know, I'm always talking about this book but for goodness' sake every Christian should read it)

5. Saints and other figures from Christian history or scripture. I always find comfort and courage in learning their stories and reaching out to them in prayer and drawing from their wisdom. I'm working on an art project centering Julian of Norwich and Margery Kempe this month...

[alphabetboyluvr]

hi holly :)

thank you for taking the time to read & respond!! i know you probably have your own load of things so it means a lot. i appreciate you <3

&girl this is your influence! i’m inspired by you!! no but seriously, i feel like asks are my opportunity to give show you the energy you give out. like i’m just reflecting a part of it back to you🫂 not sure if that makes any sense, but i always want shower you with the emotions you make me feel. even if most of them stem from delusion😂🤍

and the trip sounds so exciting!!!! IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU & BESTIE🫶🏽 may you both create the greatest of memories on this new adventure! anticipating the debrief when you get back!!!!!!!

i’ve been well thank you for asking :) missing yoongi but what’s new. a close friend of mine is getting married soon so i’ll be traveling. it’s insane to think i’m at a point in my life where weddings are becoming more common. but i also find that it’s a blessing to experience other people’s love <3 i’m starting to accept the concept that is growing up. still want to fight it sometimes, but baby steps!!

thank you again for putting up with all my antics <3 i truly am sending you my best wishes 💌🎧

ALSO THANK U SM FOR THE HUSH UPDATE I LIVE THERE NOW BTW

it's okay!! i think im very lucky to be afforded with such kindness and so i try and get back to as much as i can (my inbox is current sitting at around 150 unanswered so i really am sorry if i haven't managed to get back to you!!). i am so grateful and appreciative <3

we are all a little bit delusional, but the happiest people always tend to be!!! so i hope it means that we all find joy in some things!

he he he if i meet and fall in love with a gorgeous aussie surfer on my travels, you guys will never hear from me again!! i shall be gone!!! like the wind!! it's a short trip but honestly I'm soooo excited to see bestie <33 we're both living away from our home country so it's gonna be so nice a reminder of home!

wild isn't it? all of my friends are settled in long-term relationships heading for marriage, and my other bestie who i was due to have a hot girl European summer with has fallen pregnant with her new boyfriend so that's certainly gonna change plans haha. i'd like the world to pause for a little bit, I'm not ready to say goodbye to our youth just yet.

thank you for checking in again! it's always lovely to hear from you. i hope that aquarius season treats you well <33

AND IM SO GLAD YOU LIKE IT!!

[starleska]

Hello! I'm one of the people who made a request and I just wanted to apologize. I shouldn't have taken from granted that you write for everyone, haha- This... Is embarrasing- Don't worry at all and thank you for let us know how requests make you feel! Again, I'm so sorry if seeing so many requests made you stressed, I didn't mean to contribute to that uneasiness! If you are okay with sharing headcanons though, please let me know! I have a few in store that may be of your interest, hehe! Again, if you are not okay with that either it's also totally okay! Have a lovely day! 💘

😭😭😭😭😭 oh angel, thank you so much!!! but please, don't feel any need to apologise - you haven't done anything wrong, neither has anyone else!! i promise 🥰 i really, really appreciate that you spent the time to send in a request, and doubly so for being so kind and considerate and responding! i'm gonna get a little bit personal under the cut;;

honestly, don't worry yourself at all - this is totally a me problem. i reckon a lot of mentally ill fandom creatives can relate to this: trauma stuff i won't get into can manifest in compulsive people-pleasing, even in spaces that are supposed to be stress-relieving, like fandom! when i used to run that other blog, i would spend hours making content that i didn't really want to make. you end up creating because it makes others happy, so you feel useful, and as an apology for existing: like, a living tax. and that is not a healthy way to live 💖 one of the hardest things you learn in therapy is that you are ultimately in control of your own boundaries, and you don't have to reply to anything online. you don't have to answer an ask, or fill out a request, or participate in a prompt, or make a gift, or give your opinion on a specific topic...yet, it's still so tough to let go of the idea that you're being rude if you say no to a request. but it's never a personal slight! all of the asks in my ask box right now are full of so much love, and passion, and creativity, and i often wish i was one of those people who pumps out ten drabbles a day and can fulfil everyone's deepest, darkest fantasies. but i've been down that road, and it just...isn't for me 😅 i've spent years crafting what i think most will agree is a wholly self-indulgent space, where i get to gush about whatever weird-ass fictional show or character seizes the autism in the right way. that makes me really happy, and it makes me even happier knowing that other people are drawn to it 🥰 i really love interacting with people who have similarly strange interests - and i came in expecting 'Big' Jack Horner to be another niche choice (oh, how wrong i was 😂). i will admit the times where i've accidentally created content for a hugely popular character (looking at you, Warren the Eagle) i have become overwhelmed quickly by the sheer volume and demand. however - this burnout it something i have to manage. i don't believe anyone is imposing on me by sending asks about something they really enjoy!! it's very silly of me to be intimidated by lots of people being excited about a cool, sexy character and wanting to hear my thoughts about him. i'm trying to remember that it's normal for people to have a backlog of requests, and that we're allowed to just...let it sit, or say no, if we don't want to answer. that's okay! tldr; you are very sweet and you've made me feel a lot less stressed about all of this;;; it's my own fault for doing so much in such a short space of time! i'm gonna keep your words in mind and try responding at a more measured pace. i would absolutely love to hear about your Jack headcanons if you're happy to share 🥰💖

[hagfishviperfish]

i spend so much time inside :( i feel like it's slowly killing me because i'm so sad, i want to be active and participate in a life but there's not much out there. how do you even go about doing these things? and i'm so shy and passive! for as long as i've been alive there's always been so many people i'm interested in and yet i've never dared to involve myself with a single one...i watch from afar and think about what could happen...waiting for them to come to me i guess?

i don't know if there's ever been a time i've ever regretted approaching someone, even if in the end i disliked them. there's maybe a few but it's on my behalf, because some of them i struggled to keep in touch with...

there were two nice men on tinder i met. one i talked to for a while one night about music and where we were from and what our lives were like. his name was kenny. i'm mentioning it because i think it's an endearing name. he seemed so sweet, sensitive? i think he was a skateboarder but not at all like the dehydrated wolf-like types. more teddy bear-like. he was telling me about his record collection that he was proud of, and i caught him at a moment where he was listening to one in the dark, savoring the music. i think there was like a second where he was like be right back i'm going to go heat up some leftovers. i asked about them and he was talking about his family’s cooking. it felt cozy. then i gave him my number and he was trying to reach out to me and we talked about his work and his commute and it was just that, and i just like... for some reason i stopped responding.

i really struggle talking to people who just like don't ask the mutual questions about my life. i don't know. maybe it's because i can't share things on my own very well. maybe it's because it's texting. i really hate. that my only way to reach other people is through texting. it's so easy to become numb, to be more...nitpicky

the second one was really interesting to me. it appeared he was an artist, he designed his own tattoo, he worked at a sheetz, he texted me first, telling me i seemed relatable and cool but i was too far. and then we plotted a murder together and were silly. and eventually he was texting me while he was at a party and drunk so i stopped responding because it was kinda weird, i don't know, it felt when you're like, not really intruding but stepping into someone else's conversation when there's no room for you. after that i just moved on but a few months later of using tinder i was going to delete it and i realized, this guy was the only person on there who really held a conversation with me and actually shared a semblance of my sense of humor. so i was like heyy i'm deleting the app... how are you, any luck, if you want my number, yadda yadda ya... this time we actually start getting to know each other, and we go to imessages, and we have these conversations about the games we like and movies and books and our art and all sorts of stuff. but again. i just stopped responding.

this time it wasn't because he wasn't asking, in fact he was. but. i don't know why. maybe it's because he wasn't right in front of me or something. i remember being nitpicky. something about how he described a dream about his "abuser" and "besting them" and i was like man what? but i still feel bad about it because there are so many different ways people experience life and i worry that i am too close-minded by considering my way The Way. that's not what made me stop responding though. i think it was just life, going on, we really were far from each other. he bought rain world because i mentioned it and would send me little clips of him playing it. everytime i went a bit without texting him he would check in like how are you. the last time i drifted off he sent me a picture of him at a concert, again checked in, but i still haven't responded. just because. i don't know why. i think some things just aren't meant to be but i don't know

i've been feeling so much how socializing is numbed through a screen. the amount to which you connect to people is still there, not wholly negated, but it's less. substantially less. your pleasure centers aren't really activated because you're just pressing buttons on a screen, not pulling the lever with your whole body in a grueling process...

except! i've never! been able! to pull! the lever! i don't know why! i can't even remember what could have caused this. maybe people were too mean to me in school; i remember one time a girl who i thought was my friend, i was talking to her, mid conversation, 6th grade, she blurts out "your breath smells weird" or something and then turns away when i'm mid-sentence. maybe it's things like that? but it doesn't matter, because i'm not young anymore. and i want my life to change and i want to change it. however i am not bold but i think my life would be so enriched if i were to act on the things i wanted to do most. even if it's just like. daring to initiate a conversation with someone i find interesting.

ugh

———

And thats not even to mention, naturally i don’t think being inside for too long is good for me. obviously. i feel like there’s a change that occurs and i lose senses of self among other things. i become my only reference for the outside world, and i start to believe i’m esoteric— impossible to relate to, unable to fit in.. the things that are weird about me become exemplified to me but they’re also things that make me feel so safe. at the same time actualized in myself. except isolated even more and most of all. i hope there is a way i can bridge the gap some day and feel able to express the parts of me that are strange while still feeling like a member of society

and i get really pessimistic and tired. i think tired is just a common state with me but the more reserved i act the more reserved i become. how do i undo this. on top of that it becomes easier for me to make up all these reasons to not talk or relate to someone. i think i’ll always kind of do that, but when someone’s in front of you, you develop a tolerance that is much more inherent. it’s how humans have navigated their lives for thousands of years. i desperately wish i could experience it and be apart of it instead of lingering in this state of “Suspension”

[trudystreasuretrove]

Hello! Come in! Come in! Do you have goodies for me? Oh, I hope you do! Wait, are you here to trade instead? We can do that too! Have a look around at my treasures! Let me know if you see anything you like!

[Boundaries and other info below cut!]

Boundaries and Other Things:

-Anyone coming into my askbox/messages with racism, LGBTQA+phobia, ableism, and any other hate speech will be blocked and reported. I have zero tolerance for such things.

-Any suggestive or romance-type asks will be deleted, unless they are from people who have my permission to send such asks. I get very uncomfortable when people I don't know well send me that sort of stuff, especially since I do not know if they are minors or not.

-I'm kinda slow with replies, so please be patient with me. I can also be a bit forgetful sometimes, especially if I’ve got a lot going on. So, if I haven’t responded to something after about a day, feel free to send a gentle reminder via my askbox or messages.

-If you want me to respond to something, please use @trudystreasuretrove, so I can easily find it. You don’t have to tag me when answering asks I have sent, I tag myself in most messages I send!

-For those of you using anon to talk to me, please say who you are in your asks, so I know who I am talking to. I can be fairly oblivious to things like writing patterns, and so I probably won’t know who you are unless you outright tell me.

-If I do anything wrong, or I’ve upset you in any way, please let me know. I'm still getting used to how RPing on Tumblr works and I struggle with social things, so sometimes I make mistakes, but I always strive to learn from my mistakes and get better!

-And most importantly, everyone have fun, be kind to yourselves, take breaks if you need them, and keep being awesome! <3

Trudy Info:

-Trudy is an AI, though nobody is sure where she came from. Trudy does know, but she's in no rush to reveal that information. She's much more content living in the circus, collecting junk from the residents, though.

-Trudy uses female pronouns and is aroace. She is 5ft9.

-Owns a junk thrift shop called Trudy's Treasure Trove. [Haven't decided where it is just yet, but it'll be close to where the majority of the WorldBuildingQuest shops are.] She eagerly accepts any donations to the shop. Everything in the shop is available for purchase, but it works on a barter system, you have to trade something to get what you want.

-Trudy's shop contains a wide range of junk, though rummage through it enough and you might find something actually useful or valuable. If you are looking for something in particular, there's a chance that Trudy will be able to find it or something similar (whether it's undamaged or working is not always guranteed).

-Some of the stuff in Trudy's shop has been donated or traded in by other circus residents, some is stuff Trudy has found around the circus that she took for herself, but most of it just randomly appears in boxes on her doorstop for seemingly no reason.

-You can read through all the RP posts in chronological order using https://trudystreasuretrove.tumblr.com/tagged/the%dragon%20talks/chrono ! Unfortunately, it doesn't work on the Tumblr app, but it does work on mobile browsers! [Need to edit this link once I've made some RP posts so that it actually works]

Tags:

#The Dragon Talks - for IC things

#The Mod Talks - for OOC. I also use [square brackets] and/or label as -GryphonMod for OOC stuff.

#My Art - for art I have made

#Not My Art - for art other people have made

[lightlycareless]

Japan is quite notorious for its natural disasters. And while reading some of them for my thesis, I wondered about you and the way you write seemingly amazing catastrophes that are quite unexpected. Are you perhaps going to introduce more complicated situations like these? Even Naoya saving Y/N? wink wink

Hello anon!

omg... I don't know what to say 😭❤️ I'm very flattered!!! aglajgasjglajlsgk

oh, gee. hehe. I'm all flustered now...

Anyways, there's actually many things I've been thinking about putting in the story, or making a reference to. I haven't really thought about natural disasters per se, since where I live... it's mostly fires, earthquakes, and nationally some volcanos (if you're keeping up with that, you might've heard about Popocatepetl lol) but maybe I have? Guess it depends on the context, but first let me explain 🤭

The idea that I've been thinking on for a while is an underwater concept. It came to me after watching a documentary of underwater caves (which I did not want to see lol I still remember telling my friend: I don't like underwater stuff, so let's see the volcano one. her: let's see the underwater one. me: 💀) and how they come to be—something about the ice age and how the ice melting sometimes rises or lowers the sea levels. These changes create stalagmites and stalactites, whose layers can be used to study how the weather was back then!

At some point we get to see a scientist need a sample from a stalagmite from a very specific place which can only be approached by experienced scuba divers—This is where they take the opportunity to tell you that many years ago it would have been possible to simply walk there because the sea level was lower.

So... I got the idea of: what if there was like a temple in some of those areas, thriving thanks to it's followers donations, warding off spirits, storing cursed objects, and then... things happen and everything ends up underwater.

I have yet to decide the "paranormal" activity that this might cause (maybe people getting lured underwater? hehe), but I can imagine that somehow HQ manages to pinpoint it's origin to an underwater source 💀 How will techniques work there? Who is going to take on the mission? Not everyone is an expert scuba diver. And what kind of curses can be found underneath? Who knows—but that's something I'd like to explore in due time :>!!!

There's something else I have in mind too... but I think I'll keep that one to myself for now. As for everything else I have planned, it'll be written into the story 🤭

Also, I've always dreamed about Naoya and Y/N going on missions together. We're talking about them being in a good relationship now, and somehow... Y/N is all like:

Y/N: You know what's hot? Doing it in a haunted place. Amirite?

Naoya: Wtf? *goes along anyways, cause let's be real he ain't deny you—and hey, maybe he thinks the same as you, he just didn't want to be the one to bring it to the table lol*

Hmm. Interesting. I do have a fic planned with that theme lmao.

Well, I hope this was what you were looking for 🥺❤️ There's soooo many things I wished the manga would've included, mostly pertaining to mundane things you know, and how they affect everyday life. Like, what is the influence of sorcerers in humanity and vice versa, cause I refuse to believe they've been in complete secrecy!!! Oh well, idk where the story is going now anyways besides a rushed ending 😭💀

Thank you so much for sending in an ask!! And such a nice one at that... I'm really flattered you think so highly of my writing 🥺❤️ If there's anything else you'd like to share, please let me know! I'll be more than happy to respond to the best of my ability ❤️

Take care, have a wonderful week, and hope to see you soon!!

[tuulikki]

I have a problem with that list of things that make a person 'culturally christian' as the post couples it with the implication that one can cease being culturally christian while still doing some of the things on that list.

I'm probably misunderstanding shit but it bugs me. Several things on that list are unavoidable in daily life, and thus my Jewish friend (and the Jewish poster who made the list) fall into the culturally christian category because they use a christian calendar and buy chocolates on valentine's day. And yet the poster says 'those of us who are not culturally christian' which contradicts their own argument? No? I'm an atheist and I'm absolutely aware of other religions, but the world around me doesn't care, I have to say it's 2022. And it doesn't bother me, tbh. I don't say AD anymore, that's on purpose. But that post...I don't get why it assumed the OP didn't understand that these things come from christianity. The assumption that all victims of religious abuse are living in culturally christian environments, or that they don't know other religions are different from christianity...i really don't like that attitude. It sounds like implying that they haven't found the better religions yet and that's why they're atheist, but not even fully so because their culture remains influenced by christianity. It's condescending. (be gentle, i'm not looking for a fight, and it's ok to not respond if what I'm saying pisses you off because it misses the point.)

Hey, thanks for the ask! I hope I can explain things, and if there’s anything you find frustrating at the end of it, please send another ask and I’ll try to do better—it’ll likely be due to my not being coherent 🥲

The key misunderstanding here is how massive “culture” is.

Using a Christian dating system or observing aspects of Christian holidays doesn’t inherently make any person culturally Christian. Those are byproducts of dominant Christian religion in a culture. But the person who has never felt their own culture subordinated and othered by that culturally Christian default is the cultural Christian. Many culturally Christian people may be deeply alienated or flat-out hate religious Christianity, but the culture we inhabit is culturally Christian and it is our culture. It can be hard to spot how much you’re a product of your culture, but the fact of it remains.

It’s like being raised by a family: it defines what you think “family tradition” means but will also affect little things like what food you want to eat when you’re sick. It’s not that who you are is determined by your family. But you are shaped by the experience of being raised in that family. You can’t erase that history: what you choose to reject or continue from your family legacy is a conscious choice informed by what you’ve experienced. And you can’t assume that the way your family works has any universal applicability, or that that cutting your family out of your life makes you a blank slate, or that your way of rejecting your birth family is universal.

If you are from a culture that is historically Christian, you exist as a part of that culture. People who aren’t culturally Christian can of course be members of a culturally Christian society because participation (and belonging!) in the society is not defined by adherence to the religion. The culture is, however, shaped by centuries of that religion. And people who aren’t culturally Christian are forced to accommodate the majority culture in ways which people who are culturally Christian will not. (The classic example of cultural Christianity is the culturally Christian neopagans/witches who try to argue that the winter solstice is “inclusive” because it’s not Christian. As if “Christian” or “not Christian” are the only ways you could measure exclusivity and inclusivity!)

The OP of that post wrote the phrase “being an atheist is a valid belief system.” That’s some raw cultural Christianity. It presupposes the following:

religion must have a deity (how else atheist?)

atheism is primarily defined as an absence of belief in a deity (rather than omitting a particular act or social practice)

atheism and religion are both defined as being determined by personal belief. The belief in question is in a system of some kind.

adherence to a system of belief determines a specific identity label, which an individual will apply to themselves. This label marks them as a member of an identity group whose members are defined by such individual declarations of belief.

belief systems can be valid or invalid (and it’s worth arguing about)

None of these things are universally believed by all cultures. But a culturally Christian society absolutely assumes those things to be true.

So my point is that atheism in culturally Christian societies is overwhelmingly defined in dialogue with and in reaction to the core tenets of the various Christianities that have dominated those societies. That’s what we’re trying to say when try to tell culturally Christian atheists that they are culturally Christian. I don’t want to be condescending, but the fact that some culturally Christian atheists don’t seem to be aware that they are products of their culture and that they enjoy a baseline level of membership privilege in that culture is… very challenging to me? We’re not accusing them of being crypto-Christians, but since their definition of “religion” is still so Christian, that’s what they hear. They use a narrow, culturally-bound definition of religion when they say “l’m not religious”—and they assume their definition isn’t derived from that culturally Christian experience.

You can’t surgically separate the history of dominant religious traditions from the cultures that practice/d those religions: the culture shapes the religion, the religion shapes the culture. A culturally Christian atheist from England is a different kind of atheist than a culturally Buddhist atheist from Mongolia. You can’t exist in a vacuum.

Deprogramming yourself in this context means acknowledging the fact that you have privilege. This privilege is something you get by default whether you want it or not. It’s not merely knowing that other systems of belief exist or writing “C.E.” at the end of the year. It’s accepting that you are the product of a certain culture that is not universal, even though its dominance can make us feel like it’s a natural default.

Culturally Christian privilege doesn’t invalidate any person’s religious Christian trauma because culturally privileged people can be abused within the social structures they benefit from at the same time. There isn’t a moral binary here. No one is assigned a static moral category. Someone telling you you’re benefiting from cultural Christianity is not them saying “gotcha, you’re irredeemably problematic! #cancelled!!” It’s an invitation to ask yourself if you’re being held back by what you’re trying to reject. To put it in terms we all understand too well: “cultural Christianity” isn’t a sin, there is no shame attached to it, and there is no pressure to be pure and cleansed of it because that would be impossible as that’s not how people and cultures work. And the fact that some of the worst of it still lives in our heads does not mean that we are bad, because there’s no one judging our thoughts, only our actions. The fact that we have a term to describe what lives our heads—which allows us to be aware of it—is a gift, not an accusation.

[thefirstknife]

Some of the more interesting bits of today's reset and dialogues. I loved this from Mara. She acknowledges her participation in steering Uldren towards his downfall AND she realises that she will have to do better with him in the future. This is from the ending dialogue when you finish the exotic quest for the Ager's Scepter.

I want to mention something from the start of the week because I've seen people get angry (but when do they not when it comes to Mara?)

Long post under read more:

It's about the discussion she and Ikora have at the terminal. Hot take, but both Mara and Ikora are right and wrong in the argument. Transcript:

Mara: "How long have your Hidden been privy to Uldren's resurrection?" Ikora: "Long enough to watch over him in your absence." Mara: "And you didn't direct him home. Why?" Ikora: "There was a concern he'd pick up some old habits." Mara: "You know the Garden made him sick. Riven twisted his mind. Eris would have seen it. She is not so easily deceived by skin-deep tricks." Ikora: "It's true I made mistakes, out of an idea of justice... out of grief. Are you leveling this same scrutiny toward Petra? Wasn't she supposed to be watching his grave?" Mara: "Petra has paid her dues. The Vanguard murdered him and has yet to pay theirs." Ikora: "We both lost family. I am sorry for my part in yours, but... Crow has been treated --" Mara: "My brother is dead. He was exhumed; his body twisted into a caricature. You had your vengeance." Ikora: "Is that what you're after? Cayde... I still feel that grief like a stone caught in my chest. Some days, it's more pronounced than others. Vengeance didn't erode that grief." Mara: "Then tell me. Who am I to blame? Who sent him to Savathun's clutches? Who bludgeoned Uldren into a scared animal and drove him from his home?" Ikora: "You did, Mara. And those Guardians that hurt him, did so out of misguided anger. Don't make the same mistake. Don't make my mistake."

This is some heavy stuff and there's a lot going on. First, I like that Mara doesn't respond at the end. It's uncharacteristic for her. It shows that Ikora's words did something to her. This is evident in the exotic quest later which I've already put at the beginning of the post. She's had time to think and she's admitting the part she played.

I dislike some of Ikora's arguments a lot. First, "concern that he'd pick up some old habits" goes entirely against the Vanguard policy and belief that Guardians are new people. They were only concerned because of bias towards Uldren due to what he's done. And Crow knows this! He said so last week when he wondered why is he the only Guardian judged by his past life. No one else is subjected to the same way of thinking. This is the reason why Guardians aren't supposed to dig around their past lives. Obviously with Crow, there's no way for him to avoid it, but the argument that, if he knew, he'd just magically become Uldren (and not just base!Uldren, but murderer!Uldren who will... I don't know, go after Ikora and Zavala or the innocent people in the City?) really shows how much the Vanguard mistreated Crow.

I also dislike the move to Petra. As Mara says, Petra has paid her dues. She really has. Let's not forget that Uldren was not just some guy to her or just her Prince; he was her friend. She had to watch him spiral out of control due to things she couldn't help him with, she had to make the choice to put him away until Mara comes back and at the end she had to make the choice to kill him. This trauma has shaped her.

The Vanguard hasn't paid any dues. That's kinda the whole point of Mara's questioning. Ikora tries to explain that this was due to grief and losing family, but pray tell Ikora, has Mara not lost family too? Mara mentions this immediately as expected.

Ikora is however right to say that it was ultimately Mara's actions that led to the situation we're currently in. The Vanguard had no say in Awoken royal family affairs. Mara knows this, she said as much in the past few weeks and other lore in general: she spoke at length about the distance she pushed between them out of perceived necessity, the need to shape Uldren in a way to make him less like himself (since she disliked his recklessness and dangerous behaviours), but ultimately that only made things worse. She's aware that his venture into the Black Garden was fuelled by Uldren's need to prove himself. Ironically, in an effort to make him loyal and devoted, Mara pushed him into more recklessness instead of stopping it. She's aware of this. Asking Ikora "who am I to blame" was just waiting to be roasted.

But Mara is also right to ask about how the Vanguard treated both Uldren and Crow. How they washed their hands from killing him "officially" by hiding behind the Guardian, how nobody in the Tower answered for this. Their treatment of Crow as well: forcing him into hiding, isolating him. Excusing all the suffering he felt at the hands of the Guardians as "misguided anger." The torture he endured from Guardians just for showing his face was so much more than just "misguided anger" and Mara is right to feel heated and enraged when she talks about this and when she asks her questions. She expressed similar distaste and anger in a voice line with Glint in regards to how the Spider treated Crow.

I got an interesting dialogue at the end of my Shattered Realm run which also made me really irritated on behalf of both Crow and Mara when it comes to the Vanguard. Ikora asks Crow why didn't he send his latest report and Crow replies that he's had a lot going on and a lot to deal with. Which is true! He's not the Drifter who doesn't send reports out of spite; Crow genuinely wants to help but he's struggling with a lot of things that we can't even begin to unravel. He deserves patience and understanding. However, the following then ensues.

Ikora:

Crow:

Ikora:

This last part is a nice sentiment. But excuse me. Crow has literally been resurrected, isolated, tortured, enslaved and then "rescued" only to be thrust into a cage in the Tower and given "responsibilities." He is not obliged to be the Vanguard's errand boy. It's honestly quite rude from Ikora to tell him that he has to take his responsibilities seriously. The man hasn't lived a single day in his life without anxiety over whether he'll be tortured to death in the street if he shows his face.

I know the Vanguard gave him protection from the Spider and stuff to do (which he enjoys) and accepted him into their ranks. That's all good. But there's very little empathy here that acknowledges the life he's lived. Crow deserves to experience things that aren't isolation, imprisonment and following orders.

And most of all, he deserves to know the truth. Something the Vanguard has denied him for almost a year now. I know Savathun's schemes were involved and specifically, they were involved through impersonating Osiris which made a lot of people turn a blind eye. But now that this is known?

Crow can't share his burdens without knowing the truth. That's the whole problem. Everybody, except him, knows who he was. Everyone looks at him and treats him through that lens. He can't unburden himself without being told half-truths and being denied information. His burdens exist precisely because he doesn't know while everyone else does. So while the sentiment is nice, it reads more like a "that sucks buddy" than a genuine offer to help him with what is really bothering him.

On the other hand, obviously sharing the truth is difficult. His past life is more complicated than for most other Guardians. He's been through things that other Guardians haven't. The situation is complex on every single level and every character has a reason for the choices they've made.

Sometimes those choices are wrong and they are mistakes. And Mara isn't the only one who made the wrong choices and mistakes, consciously and unconsciously. It's a disservice to the complexity of the situation, Ikora, the Vanguard and Uldren to boil everything down to "Mara bad." Doesn't make for a compelling story.

That's what I wanted to address in detail because on the surface, it's easy to just dismiss either of the character you dislike more. And that's just reducing the story to a spectrum of black and white that Destiny really, ironically, isn't about.