#people will claim they want messy female characters and as soon as they get them will insisting their mistakes were someone else's fault

[the-greendalehumanbeings]

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[deadmenandthedivine]

Does Daemon actually hate Maetilda? He was awful to her in this latest chapter and I can’t understand why he’d be awful to her but perfectly fine with rhaenyra a children. If anything wouldn’t he want to hold her close given she’s the only child he can claim any lands and titles from? I don’t know… I know the relationship is complicated I just want to understand his reasons and motivation a bit better

Thank you so much for your question!!! I am literally SO EXCITED to talk about this. This is something I have ruminated over extensively. I didn't want Daemon to be the stereotypical ~girl dad~ because he does some dark things within the Dance of Dragons that I [personally] don't think he would be considered a true grey character (as George often refers to him as) if he were a woman. I think his gender benefits him in that sense. Maybe I'm wrong, George did create the character after all, but that is the sort of lens I am approaching this all from. That being said, I don’t know if I would go as far as hate, but I do think their relationship is really complicated for a multitude of reasons!

The first reason being her mother. Daemon hated Rhea; therefore, Maetilda is guilty by association. He’s jealous that she (who he sees as a dumb female extension of himself) has claim to something he probably never will. He’s a man that doesn’t really know how to deal with his jealousy/emotions toward women (ie: when he chokes Rhaenyra, when he kills Rhea, when he tries to use Mysaria and her "unborn child" as his own pawn, etc), and thinks violence and manipulation is the way to control people. Not only is Daemon reminded of what he did to Maetilda’s mother every time he looks at her, he is reminded of what his brother gave his daughter but not him (recognition).

Daemon loves the twins differently from Maetilda mainly because a) he actually liked their mother, b) he never had to raise them as teenagers, c) they don't have more claims to land/titles than he does, and d) the Velaryon family has better standing (more money & power) to call him out if he does something wrong. There’s also something to be said about how toxic/narcissistic parents will treat their kids differently as a way of sewing seeds of division. He doesn't want the girls behaving like the Greens, but he also doesn't want them ganging up on him.

He treats Maetilda differently because he knows he can get away with it, and she soon becomes the person he takes anger out on. In toxic family systems, the children play different roles in the hierarchy. I see the twins as golden children. Baela fills a more mascot-y role while Rhaena fills a more responsible role. They are not as deeply set in their roles as Rhaenys had a hand in raising them in a more healthier setting. Jace is the hero child, and Luke is a mascot through-and-through. Maetilda is the scapegoat and the lost child. The younger children are a bit too young to know what their roles would be, but I suspect Joffrey to be a little enabler in training. Maetilda is confused by this system herself, as any child naturally is. Daemon is her father after all, and she wants to believe that he has her best interests at heart. But Daemon has a past that she does not fully know about or understand.

Hopefully this answered your question, without giving the whole farm away with the cow. Daemon and Maetilda's relationship is just as central to the story as Maetilda's relationship with Aemond is building to be. Again, thank you so much for reaching out. I loved answering this question.

all the love as always,

xoxo messy

[seokjinsdisciple]

Backward

mark x reader (SMUT, fluff (because im soft), and more smut)

when you run into your douchebag ex at a party, you grab the nearest stranger and drag them into pretending to be your boyfriend. You just didn’t expect this stranger to be so hot. 

warnings: sex, language, unprotected sex (be safe kids), drinking, fingering, fingering in a semi-public place?, female receiving oral, the phrase good girl is only mentioned once (aren’t you proud of me?)  idk im probably forgetting something so if i am just let me know

i didn’t really edit this so....sorry for any mistakes

word count: 2.1k (im a hoe for mark, ok?)

It happened at a stupid party that your best friend forced you to go to. The alcohol was cheap, and tasted disgusting, but at least it got you drunk. You put on a little bit more of a revealing outfit than you normally would, because you normally didn’t care. This party was supposed to make you feel better after the stressful work week you just had. Unfortunately, this party put you in the same room as your scumbag ex. Who, by the looks of it, was doing way better without you than you were doing without him. You groaned when you saw his silhouette, and almost pulled your hair out when he started to approach you. If you hadn’t had so much to drink, you would be mortified to do what you are about to do, but you are drunk, and you want to prove your stupid, smug ex wrong. 

So, you confidently approach a (very) attractive man who had been (innocently) standing near you at the time of the sighting. You take the last few sips of your drink before placing your hand on his arm, just in time for your ex to start a conversation. 

“Oh, hey! I noticed you from across the room. How’re you doing?” He questions, looking the man next to you up and down. At his suspicious glances, you loop your arm into the stranger's, smiling back at him. 

“We are doing great,”I smiled squeezing the stranger’s arm and praying that he will go along with what I’m about to do, “This is my boyfriend.”

“I’m Mark,” the stranger stuck out his hand, clasping my ex’s and shaking it firmly. Your ex was clearly shocked, having been convinced that he was the only good thing you could ever have. Douchebag. However, sizing up the man next to you, your ex quickly figured out he was in a losing fight. This guy was beyond handsome, and he was polite, something your ex could never claim to be. You and your new “boyfriend” made conversation with your ex, and when you started to get visibly uncomfortable, Mark said he wanted to go dance. Like you savior, he swept you away, only breaking character when the two of you made it to the dance floor. When he was sure your ex was preoccupied, he led you to the kitchen to get another drink.

“What would my beautiful girlfriend’s name be?” Mark asked, chuckle on his lips at this whole situation. You swiftly answered him, shying away from his handsome face.

“I’m so sorry about that,” you started, “My ex is kinda a douchebag and I really can’t stand the idea that he is better off without me.”

“It’s no problem, I’m glad I could rescue such a stunning girl,” Mark smiled, handing you one of the drinks he had just made,  “By the way, if he let a girl like you go, he’s definitely not better off.”

After that, the two of you immediately hit it off. You were talking throughout the whole party, making each other laugh and completely ignoring the people you came with. There was something so familiar about Mark, something that made you feel comfortable. Things with Mark just felt right. 

It wasn’t long before you found yourself grinding against him on the dance floor. It started as a show for your ex, but his hands started traveling up your legs, his lips started finding the sensitive spots on your neck. To say you were bothered would be an understatement. You could feel the stickiness in your underwear, and you could feel Mark’s length pressing against your ass. You felt his hands graze against the hem of your skirt, his fingers dancing to your inner thigh, and then quickly moving away. If he could tease, you could too. 

You moved your hands into his hair, pulling lightly. You smirked at the quiet moan he let out, but the smirk dropped off of your face as he pulled you even closer than you were before. His grip on your hips was tight, and at this point, you wouldn’t be surprised if your arousal were dripping down your legs. 

You whimpered as he lightly bit your ear, whispering, “Please come home with me, I need to make you cum.”

You would be lying if you said you hesitated at all. Truth be told, you turned around faster than he could even finish his sentence, your frenzied lips finding his with ease. He met your kiss with just as much passion, and for a moment, both of you forgot you were in the middle of a dance floor, surrounded by people. You whined as he broke the kiss, but he just took your hand, pulling you away from the crowd to call an uber. 

If you thought you were turned on before you got in the uber, you had no idea what you are now. Mark was currently two fingers deep in your heat, all while having a casual conversation with the driver. It was as if he knew your body like the back of his hand, the way he put just the right pressure in your sensitive spots, pressed just right on your clit and covered your moans with a chaste kiss before they even came out. 

You felt the coil in your lower abdomen tighten, your moans becoming more frequent as Mark hit all the right spots within you. You were so so close, and so desperate when Mark pulled his fingers out of you. If you had been in your right mind, you would’ve recognized that the uber had arrived, but you weren’t, and you were desperate. So you tried your hardest to pull Mark’s hands back to their place in your heat, almost crying at his unwillingness to help you.

“Baby, get out of the car,” He laughed, pressing a soft kiss to your temple, “We’re here.”

That was all he needed to say to get your ass out of that uber and following him. The time it took to get up to his apartment from that uber felt like the longest three minutes of your life, especially with Mark’s hand burning the skin around your waist where it sat. 

You could have cried when the door to his apartment finally swung shut. With hurried hands and lips locked together, he led you to what you assumed to be his room. As soon as he kicked the door of his room shut, he practically tore your skirt down your body. His once light brown eyes, now dark and filled with lust as he stared at your exposed center. 

“If I’m not mistaken, I have a job to finish,” He growled, stalking towards you and pushing you gently on the bed. Before you could even brace yourself you felt his tongue circle your clit, sucking harshly on the sensitive bud. If you thought Mark had been good with his fingers, you had no clue what just hit you. He swirled his tongue around your clit, knowing just when to lick a stripe up your slit or to push himself inside. Mark was messily devouring you, and he had you on the edge. The climax you had been so close to reaching in the uber was fast approaching. 

“Mark- oh god,” You moaned, trying to let him know how close you were, “I’m-I’m close.”

Mark just locked his eyes with yours, picking up the pace of his tongue on your bud and easing a finger into your heat. That’s all it took for your eyes to roll back into your head and your hips to buck, but Mark held on, his face attached to your heat until you had ridden out your climax. 

When Mark’s head rose from your heat, you could cum again at just the sight of him. His hair was messy, his cheeks a perfect rosy blush, his smile soft, and distracting. He climbed over your body, kissing each cheek, and then placing a light peck on your lips. 

“Do you want to stop? That seemed pretty intense,” He smiled, placing another soft kiss on your forehead. You hummed as he peppered your face with gentle kisses. 

“Mark, if you don’t fuck me right now,” You smiled as he let out a chuckle. Taking a deep breath as he unbuckled his belt and slid his jeans down. Before you could catch your breath, he was pushing himself slowly into your sensitive heat. If you had the strength to open your eyes, you would have seen the gulp Mark took as he rests his head on your shoulder and sheathed himself all of the way inside. He felt delicious. He filled you to the brim, and you couldn’t help but take in a shaky breath as he started rocking his hips. He groaned into your shoulder as his pace quickened. This was the first time tonight he was getting any sort of pleasure, and you can tell that had made him desperate. He was fucking you quickly, grabbing your hips and grunting. He had become an insatiable animal, and you sure as hell didn’t want him to slow down. While his trusts were harsh and unforgiving, his hands and lips were soothing and filled with respect. 

You were quickly approaching another high, a fact that Mark had realized as you involuntarily clenched around his length. 

“Are- are you close baby?” Mark asked, running a hand from your hip to your clit, sending you hurtling closer to the edge. 

“Gonna be a good girl and cum for me?” He grunted, his pace faltering. His heavenly voice, mixed with his delicious dick and nimble fingers sent you over the edge. He continued thrusting, whispering praise after praise into your ear until you no longer felt him in you. You almost groaned a complaint, but Mark was quick to hush you. He sprayed cum onto your belly, the warmth of it distracting you from his cold room. 

You were drifting in and out, something you hadn’t ever experienced before. When Mark cupped his hands around your face, you looked hazily at him. He gently rubbed your temple, causing a string of butterflies to erupt in your stomach. 

“Can I get you anything, baby?” He asked, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead in order to get you to focus, “Water? Or how about something to eat?”

You just shake your head, outstretching your arms in order to suggest you want to cuddle. You smile as he laughs, muttering out, “Let me get you cleaned up first.”

And he does clean you, at least you can feel him moving you around. Your eyes are closed and you find yourself drifting off to sleep before he comes back to bed. 

--

When you awake the next morning you find yourself alone. The bed is cold, the sheets are turned back and there seems to be no noise in the house. You find yourself a little sad that Mark isn’t here. Plus you have a headache from all of the alcohol you drank the night before. When you turn over, you’re met with a tall glass of water, a few ibuprofens (thank god) and a small note. The note says something about running out for groceries. You waste no time in downing the drink, and the pills, and find yourself finally getting out of bed. You take a look through Mark’s apartment, taking stock of the photos on his walls and the books on his coffee table. 

“Ah- you’re not supposed to be up yet!” You heard Mark’s voice from behind you. You turned with a smile, laughing at the sight of him, as he tried to balance 4 grocery bags in his arms. You rushed to help him, taking two of the bags and following him to his kitchen. 

“I’m glad you didn’t leave yet,” He breathed, setting his bags on the counter and then swiftly grabbing the two you had in your arms. 

“Well, it takes me awhile to get up in the morning.”

At this, Mark laughed, “I could tell.”

The playful mood turned somewhat serious as you thought about leaving. He was technically just a one night stand, and although everything in your body was begging you to stay, you had no idea how Mark was feeling. 

“Listen, I know we kinda did this whole thing backward. I mean, we started dating before we even knew each other’s names,” he forced a chuckle, his nerves apparent, “but I would really really like it if we could get dinner sometime.”

You just smiled, pecking his lips before whispering, “As long as we have dessert first.”

[high-supernatural]

Growing Close

Kai Parker x Female Reader/Character

Word Count: 1994 (ironic, lol)

Warnings: typical tvd themes, S.Assault mentions/details, trauma themes, surgery, blood (it’s a little gruesome but I cope through writing, so just be warned it can be triggering)

Summary: Kai and V grew pretty close over the weeks. Something happens to V and he is forced to handle it like a human. 

***since y’all like the one shots better than the series, I’m gonna write one shots for female readers under the name V for what I would’ve/will write in the series***

It has been a few weeks since Kai and V kissed. They grew closer in their own way. Neither of them wanted to admit their feelings for each other, they honestly didn’t know how to identify or describe those feelings anyways. All they both knew is that they wanted to be near each other always.

They started doing more things together. Instead of telling the other where they’d be in case something happened, they’d go together. They’d eat, drink, and just hang out together almost all the time. They still liked pushing each other’s boundaries, but now they were more comfortable doing it more intensely.

V liked to watch Kai get flustered when she’d walk out of the bathroom in nothing but a towel and change in front of him, claiming it was what they did in her world so he shouldn’t worry about it. Kai liked to push boundaries with physical touch. He’d always be touching her in some way – surprise hugs from behind, “accidental” grazes and bumps, losing all concept of personal space.

Neither of them minded, but neither of them wanted to make an actual move on each other either.

Those few weeks were the best weeks either of them has had in a long time. There were no real expectations, no fights being had, nobody’s life to save… just vibes.

V left in the middle of the night one night and left Kai a note saying her friend called and that she’d be back in a few hours. When Kai woke up in the morning and saw the note but didn’t see her, he worried.

Kai called her friend and was told V never showed up, so he began searching town for any leads, coming up empty on each one before deciding to call it a night and try again early the next morning.

He didn’t know what to feel. He started off worried that something had happened, but as more and more leads turned out to be dead ends, he thought she might have left for good, and his emotions became unsettling.

He was proved wrong though. As he was dozing off he heard somebody fumbling with the door of the motel room and got up to investigate before V came through it, half asleep and looking like hell. She opened the door and took two grumbled steps inside before her knees buckled and Kai caught her by placing an arm around her waist, kneeling down with her and pushing the door closed.

He got down on one knee to lay her head on and tried to wake her up, but she wouldn’t. She was breathing, and her heart was beating, it just seemed as though she was in a deep sleep Kai couldn’t understand.

A thousand possibilities raced through his mind. He saw her messy hair and bruises on her skin, but it still didn’t explain why she was asleep. He thought maybe something magic happened at first, so he tried to reverse it with no avail.

That’s when he carried her into the bathroom fireman style, thinking that putting her in the shower and turning the water on would wake her up like it does in the movies.

When they got into the bathroom, he got a glimpse of the back of her legs where her skirt wasn’t covering, and it all made more sense. He saw bruises in the shapes of bites and handprints, and realized that she wasn’t being attacked with magic, she was being attacked by regular people and rufies, and he became more frantic to get her conscious.

He didn’t know what to do. He had never experienced anything like this. He stuck to his shower theory and got in with her with all of their clothes on, pleading with her to wake up and tell him what happened, saying that he’s sorry and he should have been with her to prevent anything from happening.

His theory proved him wrong, she didn’t wake up in the 30 minutes he had sat there with her waiting, so he decided she should sleep it off. He took just her shirt and skirt off and wrapped her in a robe so she wouldn’t sleep in totally wet clothes. For what felt like days, he laid next to her waiting for her to wake up.

This had been the only time Kai could actually get inside of her mind; she was in a fragile state. He could see inside her mind and saw exactly what had happened. Instead of letting her remember everything, he modified her memories to make her believe she had gone for a walk, got into a fight, and came back with the bruises she had. He figured she would like that memory better than the reality and would deal with loopholes as they came, but hoped they never did.

He had expected her to wake up the next morning, but she didn’t, she was still just sleeping. He had woken by cold air as V had rolled all of the covers onto her. Kai leaned over to try to wake her, thinking she had woken and got cold, but when he leaned over, he felt her shivering and burning up. He remembered what she did when he had a fever and wet a washcloth with cold water to put over her forehead and continued watching over her, waiting for her to wake up.

He felt an unfamiliar feeling through all of this – he felt worried and didn’t know what to do about it, but also knew that V wouldn’t want anybody to know about it, so he took to google and was only met with a world of information that was useless to him in this moment. All throughout the day she was shivering and coughing in her sleep, and he couldn’t do anything to help.

To pass his time while she slept he decided to open her journal again to read the letters she had wrote to the Kai she knew in her world because the sudden silence from her began eating at him. He began to search for them, getting lost in each page she had wrote on in the process. More new emotions washed over him but he couldn’t tear his eyes off the pages. There had been so much she never told him about, so many boundaries he pushed that could’ve been triggers for her that she let him push. He felt a little guilty at this fact, even more so when he found the letters he was looking for. 

He read so much expression of pain and loss she felt towards the Kai she knew in her world, and so much joy and borderline possessiveness in the letter he found that she had addressed to him that she never delivered. He felt a new type of way towards her that he couldn’t describe, but he knew he had to do whatever he could to keep her near him.

She woke up late that night as Kai was dozing off and stumbled into the bathroom disoriented. He woke up to groggily ask if she was okay, but she didn’t answer.

He sat up and listened as the shower turned on and she got inside. He heard her coughing a lot more and just closed his eyes to listen, knowing there wasn’t anything he could do. It wasn’t until he heard silence that he wished she was coughing again.

Kai walked into the bathroom and asked V if she was okay before opening the shower when she didn’t respond. He saw blood on her lips and realized she had been coughing blood, then he saw a growing bruise on her lower stomach and panic came across him when she really wouldn’t wake up this time.

His magic still wasn’t helping. For once in his life, he couldn’t do anything but be a human and rush her to the hospital.

The hospital staff bombarded Kai with questions and wouldn’t let him near V by Jo’s orders. Feelings of helplessness grew extreme as he sat in the waiting room for hours with no updates.

Eventually, Jo approached Kai as he stood up to hear her immediate accusations.

“What did you do to that girl,” Jo said with an angry attitude.

“I didn’t do anything I—” Jo cut him off, “I have a hard time believing you. We just had to remove her ovary in the worst case of trauma and internal bleeding I have seen in my career thanks to whatever you did,” she finished angrier than before.

Kai had a look of sadness and remorse wash over him, “she’s my best friend, Jo, you have to believe me… I didn’t do anything,” Kai almost pleaded with her, “we’ve been staying together for months, since before the merge, she left one night and came back the next, she wouldn’t wake up, I didn’t know what to do—”

Jo cut him off again, “yeah, well, you also murdered your family, I wouldn’t put it past you to do something this horrific.”

“If I was the one who did this, why would I bring her here,” Kai asked, “if anybody knows my tact it’s you, I wouldn’t have brought her here if I did.”

Jo processed what he had said for a moment. “Either you suddenly gained a conscious or you’ve gone crazy then. Cops will be here to take her statement soon, I suggest you stay out of their way,” she snapped and walked away.

Kai figured out what room she was in by looking into every room until he found her sitting up in her hospital bed with her legs hanging over.

He walked in and locked the door behind him, “what are you doing, you need to be resting,” he said, placing his hand on her shoulder trying to get her to lay back down.

“If I’m gonna die it’s not gonna be in a hospital with zero interior design aesthetic,” she said swaying slightly from the morphine, “just do me a favor and grab my clothes so we can get out of here before people start asking questions I don’t know the answer to.”

Kai grabbed her bag out of the small cabinet in her room and handed her clothes. She slid her way off the bed and avoided standing on the leg on the side she had surgery on, grabbing onto the bed so she wouldn’t fall as Kai watched, unsure of what to do now knowing that she’s always set in her ways and won’t argue them. He figured it was easier to help so she wouldn’t hurt herself than it would be to try and stop her.

She grabbed her shirt and dropped it when trying to unfold it. Kai grabbed it before she could process that it slipped from her hands – morphine is one hell of a drug.

“Here, lemme help you,” he said rolling her shirt to put it on her.

“I got it,” she tried arguing and grabbing her shirt from him before he slid it over her head faster than she could reach for it.

She struggled to find the arm holes but found them soon enough before throwing herself on the bed to put her sweatpants on the fastest she could in her morphine state.

V let out a dramatic breath and went to grab her backpack, but Kai got to it first and snatched it before she could, “I got it,” he mumbled.

She looked at him as if she was processing what he said, “I’m gonna find a wheelchair,” he spoke against the silence.

“I’m not about to roll out of here riding bitch in a wheelchair… we gonna stroll like mob bosses,” she chuckled and took a few steps before Kai rushed beside her and put her arm around his neck, compromising a wheelchair for someone to hold onto just in case.

Kai drove back to the motel where she promptly made a bee line to the bed and fell back asleep for another half a day. Kai threw her bag down before walking over to cover her up and sit beside her to read more google searches on his phone.

When she woke up the next afternoon she was starving and ate while trying to get the story from Kai. His first loophole, questioning.

“You uh… you left in the middle of the night to go to Audrey’s and left me a note. On the way there a group of people tried to jump you, you got stabbed and came back here,” Kai explained with extreme nervousness.

She just nodded and said, “okay, and then? I don’t remember almost four whole days there has to be more.”

“I don’t know. You had a concussion, wouldn’t wake up, and were bleeding really bad, magic wasn’t helping so I took you to the hospital,” he lied again, “you don’t remember because they had you on a lot of morphine.”

“Hm, weird,” was all V said, “wanna watch a movie?”

Kai was more than relieved that she didn’t ask more questions.

[lizacstuff]

Edser / Sen Cal Kapimi ep 30+ asks

(Asks under the cut)

@jan31 Hi Liza, in the fragman Selin was in a white dress, was it a wedding dress?

Hello! I don’t think so. I think that’s what she was going to wear to the dinner she’d planned for the four of them (from the fragman, Eda, Serkan, Deniz and herself) but BOOM goes the MELO. Thank you Melo, lock that witch away so Serkan and Eda are not haunted by her evil presence, and can maybe spend some time together. 

Though, you know, I wouldn’t mind if it was a wedding dress. We know Serkan ain’t gonna marry her, so if they go so far as to put her in a dress, then we’re on the precipice of her humiliation and departure which can’t come too soon for me. 

jan31 Hi Liza. Please can you explain to me the fireside scene. It was so beautiful, emotional and just what we needed. Were the lights going out representing his sub conscious and the darkness he feels, reaching out for Eda instinctively without realising why. And the lights coming on was the reality that he did not remember anything. Or am I completely going in the wrong direction? Oh and the music gets me every time 😢😢

That scene fired on all cylinders!! I definitely think you’re on to something thinking the lights coming on represented the reality of him still not having any memories back. I think the whole scene was Serkan trying to reconcile this one flash of memory that has been playing in his mind like a movie. He was re-enacting what he saw in his mind, trying to figure out if it was a real memory and if the real memory was about Eda.   

I really liked that it was Serkan who asked if they can talk without arguing. Being the calm, rational one is his role in their relationship, how many times have we heard him say “sakin” so it was comforting to see him taking those reigns for a few moments. Also for him to realize that almost all their exchanges had been heightened and fraught with explosive emotions and wanting to talk to her without that. 

Both Eda and Serkan with their eyes filled, brimming with tears really got to me. Serkan not really understanding as his heart took over and tried to make sense of what his confused mind couldn’t. Eda’s complete heartbreak when he still didn’t remember anything. However, though, she might not know it, he certainly felt something.

He’s already so drawn to her and he can’t compute why that is... why he fell in love with her during the time he can’t remember, but he’s slowly starting to see how it could have happened. This was an important scene for bridging that gap between them. So freaking beautiful, one of the best acted scenes of the entire series, and the scene that made this episode worthwhile. 

Anonymous said: if that scene in front of the fireplace made me so emotional and it was just him trying to remember.. trying to recreate that one moment he was flashbacks of... i cant imagine what the actual scene of him remembering will do to me. both their acting in that scene was something else.

Hande and Kerem were both absolutely fantastic in that scene. Really stellar. Their chemistry never disappoints, but here they were both right in the moment, very raw, very real. I’m impressed with the emotional range they both showed, kudos to both. If nothing else this story is giving them a lot to chew on as actors.

Anonymous said:  memory loss doesn't bother me that much if we can have beautiful scenes like the fireplace one. but the main couple is separated again, dating/fake dating other people and they don't have scenes enough to fall in love again

Well they made huge strides in two episodes. From Serkan not willing to even contemplate remembering her, to him sitting down and asking her to tell him a memory of their relationship and saying he wants to know about her and their love. And them having an absolutely beautiful, emotional, heartbreaking moment together. 

Serkan made other leaps as well. He went from wanting Eda out of the business to admitting she had talent and freaking out that she was planning to take a vacation. He was already coming up with every excuse to keep her in town and working. They argued as they did in early days, he had moments that obviously hit him as familiar (”I hate you Serkan Bolat.” “The feeling is mutual, lady.”) plus lemons and crusts. 

Don’t you worry, he’s already falling in love with her again. 

However, I wouldn’t judge what they’re planning too much by this episode. It felt like a transition episode and was pretty unevenly paced. Perhaps the claims of rewrites on this chapter had some truth to them. Because the last 4 episodes were pretty well written, narratively solid, and well paced, and this one was not. It was boring and everything not directly related to a scene where Eda and Serkan were alone was lackluster. 

Also I feel like some things were changed and perhaps removed to make allowances for Hande’s injury. She had a strained neck and was in a brace for almost the entirety of the filming of this episode. For instance, I’m pretty sure they did fewer takes with her in several scenes. Specifically you can tell in the scene where Serkan picks her up and carries her back.

We go no full wide angle shot from the front of him carrying her to match with the scene in episode 5. I’m sure they wanted that, but I’m guessing they really had to limit the takes of him picking her up so they couldn’t do multiple camera set ups.  The still photographer on set was able to capture it from the front, it’s a shame they couldn’t get the full hero shot for the show, but poor thing was injured and these things happen when you shoot on such tight timelines. 

So some of the lack of Edser could have been scenes that were shortened, cut, and amended due to that injury. And others could have been changes in the script perhaps as they figure out if they’re getting another ep order from Fox. 

Anonymous said: idk what they’re doing with Ceren but I really need them to keep Deniz as a genuinely good friend. He’s perfect and I don’t want them to make him sketch. Not sure if you’ve seen OTH but that’s the only other show I’ve seen with a great male-female friendship. Other parts of the show are messy to me right now but I’ve been loving this.

I guess my opinion would be unpopular with you, but I am not as enamored with Deniz as others seem to be.  Dude was putting a LOT of pressure on Eda to move on and forget Serkan. Serkan has been back approximately 3 days! HE ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND HAS AMNESIA. Can the woman have a chance to catch her breath and assess the situation, before her “good friend” is pressuring her every which way to forget him??  And planning romantic getaways under the guise of friendship? That’s not being a friend, that’s being an opportunist, looking for his chance to slide in there. 

So, yeah, I’m not as impressed as most seem to be with Deniz. He made me uncomfortable with that. I hope it was not a harbinger of things to come. 

As for OTH, I haven't really watched, but its a fav or my bud @echoapothecary so she might be willing to discuss that show.

Anonymous said: Any chance they decide to throw Melo and Ferit together? I don't care about any of the other side romances going on but these two still have their rights in my book in regards to Edser and they seem like genuinely people?

Let’s do it, baby! I’m on board They both are genuinely good people, and I’m with you, I don’t care about any of the side romances at the moment. Piril and Engin put me to sleep this episode. 

Ferit certainly deserves better than psycho Selin, but he also deserves better than petulant Ceren. And while her behavior escalated to WTF levels this ep, she’s always leaned a little this way. I think it was episode 18 (because the girls were in the library before Serkan finds Eda there) that Ceren was furious at Ferit all episode and I honest to goodness had no clue why or what he did. 

Anonymous said: at first sçk was about women supporting women and we have one best friend turning against the other FOR A MAN. I'm so disappointed the writers are destroying characters one by one.

No this show has always been about the love story between Eda and Serkan, but it did have some nice female relationships as well. Can I tell you a secret? While I really like the girls dynamic, and hope they don’t destroy Ceren and Eda’s friendship, I really only care about 2 characters, and that’s Eda and Serkan.

So while I get your concern, and Ceren acted OUT OF HER DAMN MIND this episode, if she needs to be a casualty to keep things moving, so be it.  I mean I reserve the right to roll my eyes over it, but I’m not going to get too worked up about it. From the beginning Eda and Serkan were the only two characters that matter and they still are. 

Anonymous said: I'm kinda concerned that they're actually going to say the next episode takes place on Valentines Day because this would be the biggest timeline error yet. I know we've already been suspending belief here after they touched on New Years so quickly but umm, yeah....

I think you have to just give over to the timeline on this show and not do any math or calculations. We already had July to December take approximately 2 months in straight linear storytelling, LMAO.  

Also, if it is valentine’s day and that’s going to be their excuse to give us some actual romance, then I will take it, no complaints. To me that’s one of the easiest things not to be concerned about, because its never going to make sense. I’ll take the holiday themed episodes over strict adherence to the calendar any day. 

[theangelslittlecanary]

3 for Kuja, 7 for Piers from the Kissed asks? 😊

List of Prompts / Ask Game

Thank you so much for the prompts, these were really fun to write up! 💜 And now I’m super big love for both these boys- 🥺💜

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

3 - Morning/Wake up call

Character: Kuja

Words: 526

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7 - Accidental

Character: Piers

Words: 701

Kuja - Morning/Wake up call

The palace had been eerily quiet for the past hours, a somewhat surprising, but welcomed change to the usual bustle. One would expect a palace out in the dessert to be peaceful and quiet, however the noises of the creatures and servants protecting their abode would often have both Kuja and his dearest wife awakened in the night.

However today, things were silent, so silent that the only thing waking them up would be the sun shining through the window of their ceiling. Kuja was the first one to rise, as he usually is due to his occupation. Today was different than other days though, for there was no paperwork, no visits and no evil antics for him to perform, just utter silence and peace, which affected his mood quite positively.

“Melissa, darling, are you awake?~”, Kuja’s words would escape him in an elegant manner as usual. Despite knowing that his wife had not awakened yet by looking at her content and sleeping face, he would ask the question still.

“Darling?~”, he’d try once more, but still all that answers him are content sighs and occasional snores, which emit a chuckle from him. It is at this point Kuja would make his move, moving his face close to his lover’s and planting a soft kiss against her forehead, followed by one on each of her cheeks and finishing by kissing her lips. These actions would finally gain him the response he was aiming for, a soft groan escaping his wife,

“Kuja? It’s the middle of the night, let me sleep…“, this was all that would leave her lips as she brought the covers back to her shoulders, just wanting to escape back into blissful sleep and warmth.

“Now, now, darling~ I would not count 11 in the morning as ‘the middle of the night’ and I do not believe that is a common manner of thinking for Gaians either~”, despite his rough looks, smeared make-up and messy hair, Kuja would be cheerful as ever, though that may be pinned onto the fact he was used to waking up early and taming his hair in the wee hours of the night.

“Good morning to you too-“, Melissa would still be very groggy from being so suddenly awoken, her words holding a certain sarcasm to them, “Good morning~”, Kuja’s words would be much more cheerful in contrast, though a soft yawn would leave him soon after as he moves to get out of bed, draping a nightgown over himself and leaving the room, only looking back to give his wife one more smile, “I will order the servants to make breakfast. I am anticipating your arrival, so you may want to haste yourself~”, and just like that he’d leave to do as he said.

Melissa would only groan once again as she hoists herself out of bed- never a dull day with the man, that’s for sure. Though the real surprise would only come once she looked in the mirror and saw the soft purple lipstick stains on her face from where Kuja had kissed her- for someone claiming to dislike kissing, he was quite affectionate when unnoticed~

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Piers - Accidental

Piers’ and I’s first kiss was actually an accidental one, so here you go~ 👀💜

The evening was still young as Piers entered the venue, though this time he wasn’t there to perform himself. The inside of the somewhat modern building was donned with flags and posters from Helveitios, dark greens and blacks covering every single wall. His eyes scanned the room for the group that he had planned to meet with, his eyes settling soon on one of his planned companions: the sister of his friend, and in fact the whole reason the group had decided to go to this specific concert. Piers would soon notice that she’s alone, with her brother and his own sister still not having shown up- they hadn’t had a lot of interactions with just the two of them, though he’d still approach with some sort of confidence,

“Heya, Melissa. Ya seen Klet an’ Marnie yet?”, Piers’ words would somewhat startle the shorter female, though she’d look quite happy to see him, shaking her head, “N-no, not yet… Bro said he’d get here once he-“, her words would trail off at the sound of her phone, the jingle indicating a text message. With the potential of the message coming from either Marnie or her brother she’d look through her phone, reading the message before showing the screen to the taller man, a message from her brother showing:

“Yo Mel, I ain’t gonna make it, gotta bad tire! You have fun, alright?”, Piers would smile at the message, finding the bad luck that Klet would always find himself in ever so funny- the man could pick up his guitar and accidently choke himself with the cords. Though that train of thought wouldn’t continue much longer as another beep emits, this time from Piers’ phone.

“Marnie ain’ comin’ either. That alright with ya?”, something about it seemed off to Melissa, but she’d just nod, little did she know neither of their siblings ‘couldn’t make it’, but instead used this opportunity as a manner to set their sibling up.

--------

The whole night had gone well, the music completely engulfing the halls as the crowd went wild during the heaviest sections of the metal music. Piers and Melissa had stayed in the back for most of the night, mostly just enjoying music and the occasional (screaming) conversations they would have. Once the band announces their next song however, the shorter of the two would get excited- this was her favourite song after all- pulling her companion along to the front lines.

This decision, however, would change their perception of each other forever. As is usual during metal concerts, a mosh pit would be created with people pushing each other and bumping against one another. Due to their decision to go to the front of the crowd, both of them got caught into the madness, being pushed around by the people on the side-lines. While this was not Piers’ favourite activity, the laughing and smile on Melissa’s face would be all he needed to enjoy the experience. It wouldn’t be too much longer until they are both shoved into each other’s direction, Piers moving to take the hit of the fall as the pair topples over. It would take a couple seconds of the both having locked lips as they laid on the ground for a few of the surrounding people to hoist them back up onto their feet.

The rest of the night, both of them were flushed with a bright blush, the music drowning out any potential to talk about what had just happened. All they knew is that this kiss had amplified their dormant feelings for each other, and that they would have a different future ahead of them. With that knowledge and the following adrenaline in their systems, they enjoyed the rest of the night dancing and clinging onto eachother.

--------

“Ya think they confessed yet?”, Klet would ask Marnie as they sat on the ground of Piers’ and Marnie’s living room, “Don’ think so, if I know my brother and your sister as well as I thin’, they probably won’ ‘til someone forced their hand.”, Klet would only laugh, knowing the chances of their little set-up probably wouldn’t have worked, “Ya, ya right.”

Though wrong Marnie was, very wrong….

[daddysfavouriteboytoy]

June Belle Greenwood

Name: June Belle Greenwood Age: 21 Gender: Female Sexuality: Lesbian Birthday: 30th of July Appearance: (Face-claim: garriiet)

Height: 1,73 m Weight: 63 kg Tattoos: a butterfly tattoo on her hip Piercing: belly button piercing Personality: June is a very happy-go-lucky girl who’s biggest priority in life is to have fun and enjoy the present instead of worrying about her future. She is very positive and a big optimist, trying to always see the good in every situation and person. This makes her very trusting, someone who can be easily influenced by others. Due to her upbringing, June is also a social, warm-hearted, to an extend even motherly girl. She’s used to being popular as well because she never tends to get offended, angry or blue and values her family and friends over romantic or sexual relationships. This doesn’t mean she doesn’t want to find a partner, it’s just not something of priority to her at the moment. Besides that, she does not like to be alone and feels more at ease around others just because she is so used to her siblings and dogs being around her all the time. Simultaneously, June is a very curious and spontaneous person, already since her childhood, she always wants to go out and experience things, and never hesitates to step out of her comfort zone to do so. Even though she loves new experiences, June still has a well-developed common sense and practical ability, which often prevent her from getting into too dangerous situations. Despite all that, she isn’t a messy person to the surprise of many. Her home is a place to relax and calm herself down after adventures and that’s just a thing she can’t do in a messy environment. Relationship: Hanna Ada Greenwood - mother; 43 years old; stay-at-home mother; married Alexander Greenwood - father; 42 years old; accountant; married 5 younger siblings Likes: taking long walks along the beach with her dogs, sports (yoga, surfing, cycling, jogging, swimming), travelling, cooking for herself and others, warm colours, playing the guitar, brunching with friends Dislikes: skirts/dresses, people doing something else/not paying attention when she’s teaching/instructing, cold weather, having to use a lot of sunscreen because she gets sunburned easily, not being able to see much without her glasses, her dogs getting sand/dirt all over the furniture, sour sweets Habits: immediately turns on some music after waking up in the morning, scratching the back of her neck when she’s nervous or lying, hums when she’s happy Occupation: Surfing Teacher/Yoga Instructor Position: Switch Virgin: No Extra

she wears long-armed bathing suits when teaching surfing because she doesn’t want to distract anyone during her lessons

owns a german shepherd named Archie and a long-haired, gold-brown greyhound named Bee

she’s nearly blind without her glasses

lives in an RV

Backstory: June is the first daughter of her parents and the older sister of her 5 siblings. Already from a young age on she had to help her mother with the household while her father was working. Her parents always told her that she had to help around the house and babysit because she’s the oldest of her siblings and that was just what good older sisters did. During that time she just accepted the words of her parents and this just being her duty as a firstborn child. Despite the housework she had to do, June and her siblings were quite spoiled children, nearly always getting what they wanted and everything had to go their way. Their parents were never exactly strict and too keen on forbidding stuff, in their option, their children had to make certain experiences themselves to see where it would lead them in the end. Obviously, the two still acted as advisors for their children and were always there for them whenever something didn’t work out as planned. June and her siblings were also never pushed into some kind of role just because of their gender. All of them were free to express themselves whoever they wanted. Obviously, being a curious and adventurous girl, she did just that and made a lot of different but great friends along the way. During her early teen years, she also taught herself how to surf and swim during all the summers she spent with her family down at their holiday house near the beach. During one of these self-learning lessons, she also met her first crush. Her girl crush was quite shy at first but soon warmed up to June’s bubbly nature and the two of them started dating. During this summer, June experienced a lot of first, her first heartbreak, once she had to go home with her family, was one of them. For the next few months, her joyful character changed to a very gloomy one. The once so energetic girl was now spending most of her time locked up in her room sulking. Deciding that this couldn’t go on, her parents decided that she should join her older cousin on a road trip across the country for a few months. It certainly wasn’t the most convenient solution but her mother was certain that travelling would help her daughter to forget about her heartbreak. Because according to her, travelling could solve every problem. During this trip, it was only June, her cousin and a german shepherd. They travelled in a trailer across the country and it was the most exciting thing June ever experienced in her life. Already during the first week, she was already completely back to her old self. During this road trip, she also discovered her passion for travelling. Once she was back home again, she couldn’t help but feel trapped. Especially because she missed an entire semester of school and had to repeat her senior school year. After struggling through her last year of high school, June knew she wouldn’t survive more years of studying in college so she decided to work and travel instead, driving wherever and only working part-time jobs until she had enough money to continue her journey.  Just go out in the world, only herself and the makeshift motor home she bought herself with all the saved up money she got from her parents, other relatives and her part-time job. Her parents supported her decision despite not really wanting to let their baby girl go just like that. However, they knew there was nothing that could stop June once she set her head on something. After the first few weeks of travelling, the young adult started to feel lonely though. This was the time when she remembered her cousin’s dog and decided to get herself a german shepherd as a travel company as well. A year down the road, she then decided to get a second dog and expand their small travel group.

Starter

[queen-of-deans-booty]

(God Must Have Spent) A Little More Time On You

Characters: Castiel x Reader

Word Count: 1,847

Warnings: period talk, fluff, jealousy

Summary: Castiel doesn’t know why you’re so different... why he loses all of his control whenever he’s around you.

Squared Filled: (God Must Have Spent) A Little More Time On You by *NSYNC // Kindness from a stranger // Undercover in a gay bar // Shark week // SNuggling // Jealousy // Hellhound glasses // Decapitation

Fandom: Supernatural

Beta: she wants to remain anonymous

Author’s Note: This is for @spnsongchallengebingo and @goodthingshappenbingo and @castielspnbingo and @spnfluffbingo2019 and @spngenrebingo and @spndarkbingo and @heavenandhellbingo and @spnclassicbingo respectively and this is unbeta’d and any and all mistakes are all on me.

Feedback the glue that holds my writing together

Tags at the bottom

In all my years of life, I never thought I would ever fall for a human. I don’t even know that much about them, but I do know her. Before I met her, I used to have control of every little thing. I wouldn’t let anyone else dictate how I should feel or what I should do. I am a warrior and a soldier, there was no room to give up control. I fought alongside my brothers and sisters, against battles that didn’t even compare to the ones held on Earth. Battles that took a lot of strength from me, but I managed to claim victory every single time, even if I lost.

However, humanity and emotions were just something I couldn't control, no matter how much I tried.

Can this be true? Tell me, can this be real? How can I put into words what I feel? My life was complete I thought I was whole Why do I feel like I'm losing control?

The only reason I’m doing this is that I didn’t want Charlie to go on this mission alone, and she gave me permission to take over her body just this once if it meant we caught the bad guy. Sam and Dean were waiting outside while I walked into the gay bar where our suspected monster worked. There was nothing but girls here, and the only guys that were here were gay. The shifter was somewhere in here since we saw her come in here not that long ago. As soon as I walked in, I got stares from women all around me, and I had to remind myself that I was occupying my female friend who just so happened to like women.

Ignoring their advances, I walked to the bar and asked the bartender for a drink. While she was busy making my drink, I took out the phone that Dean lent me so I could use the camera to see where the shifter might be. If anyone asked, I would just say that I don’t know how to use one and was trying to take a picture of myself with good lighting. The bartender set my drink down in front of me, but I was too occupied with my phone to pay attention to it. Scanning the room for the shifter, I looked at the screen to see if anyone’s eyes shined when they passed over the camera.

I reach for my drink to not look suspicious when I heard her voice.

“Excuse me?” I looked over at the person who the voice belonged to, and I could have sworn I felt my heart jump. “Hi, I wouldn't drink that if I were you.”

“Why?” I ask, setting it down.

“Someone put something in it. They ran off so fast, I couldn’t catch their face, but it’s drugged.”

“Not many people would tell me that.”

“I’m not many people,” she smiled. I knew she was human, but there was something so alluring about her that drew me in. I couldn’t stop staring at her.

“I’m sorry, I’m staring.”

“No, it’s okay. You here with anyone?”

“It’s just me. You?”

“Yeah, my friends dragged me here even though I don’t like women that way. I prefer men, but I wanted to hang with my girls, so I came,” she chuckled.

“That’s nice of you.”

“And that’s them calling me right now. I have to go but pay attention to your drinks. I’m Y/N.”

“Charlie.”

In all of creation, all things great and small You are the one that surpasses them all More precious than any diamond or pearl They broke the mold when you came in this world

I had to tell Y/N who I really was after we first met. Turns out, one of her friends was the shifter, and I had to kill her right in front of her. She was upset, of course, but once she understood what was going on, she wanted to know more about what Sam, Dean, and I do. When she figured out I wasn’t really a woman, we became closer. She wanted to be with me, and after talking about it with the brothers, they decided that she could stay with us.

It didn’t take long for Y/N to become adjusted to our world. In fact, some might say she was born for it. Her fighting skills were excellent, she knew how to handle firearms, and when she set her mind to something, she got it done no matter what.

All of this only confirmed my feelings for her. I was falling for a human, and I was losing control quickly.

“Get back here!” Y/N yelled, running after the vampire who tried to escape her. It was a messy night, and it took all four of us to take down two big nests of vampires that were terrorizing neighboring towns. Y/N was still pretty new to this, but she was turning out to do just fine. She was spunky, and I couldn’t even begin to understand how a human could represent an angel so much. Not my kind of angel, but the angel I’ve only read about in books.

She ran after the vampire and pounced on his back, tackling him to the ground. She brought down her machete on his neck, effectively decapitating him. Once she knew he was dead, she stood up and wiped the blood on her ripped jeans. Her whole outfit was completely ruined by the blood and mud, and her jeans were torn in multiple places, some bigger than others. It’s the only reason why I noticed the blood on the inside of her thighs.

“You’re bleeding,” I pointed out, walking over to her. Sam and Dean caught up with us just as I reached her. She looked down at her thighs but shrugged it off.

“It’s no big deal.”

“No, you could be hurt.”

“Cas, she’s not hurt,” Dean commented, knowing what it was.

“What are you talking about? She’s bleeding.”

“Yeah, because I haven’t had time to change my tampon. Don’t worry, Cas, I’m okay,” she smiled, patting me on the shoulder as she passed by me.

“I don’t understand,” I frowned, looking at the brothers for help.

“She’s on her period, Cas. Every woman goes through it.”

“She must be in pain.”

“Terrible pain, but we had to catch the bad guys, yeah? Now I really need a shower and some food,” she said as she walked away, giving me a look from over her shoulder.

“She’s an angel,” I whispered, but I knew Dean must have heard me by the way he smirked.

I never thought that love could feel like this And you've changed my world with just one kiss How can it be that right here with me There's an angel? It's a miracle

The more Y/N hunted with us, the more we got to know each other. The more she hunted, the more I realized just how much I was falling for her. It got so bad that I had to tell her how I felt, or else I would regret it for the rest of my life, and I don’t regret a lot of things. I was relieved when she told me that she felt the same way about me too.

However, we haven’t really talked about what we were or where we were going to go from that. If it were up to me, I would take her to the side, and talk it out, but we were meeting Meg to get some information on Crowley who seemed to be missing. Apparently, Meg was the only demon who knew where he was, but I had a feeling she said she would help just to see me.

“Hey there, Clarence,” Meg smirked once she saw me. I rolled my eyes, but I didn’t say anything about it.

“Where is Crowley?”

“What, no big hug or sweet kiss? Don’t I get anything in return for this?” she asked. I could see Y/N off to the side, and by the looks of it, her blood was boiling. Before I had a chance to answer, she came stomping over to the two of us with fire in her eyes. She grabbed my cheeks and planted her lips on mine. I could feel the jealousy radiate off her kiss, but I didn’t mind it.

It felt kind of nice to have someone care so much that they were jealous.

Y/N’s lips on mine felt so nice I didn’t even register what she said when she pulled away. She seemed angry at Meg, but all I could think about was that kiss. There was something so special about human kisses because I knew that it meant a lot more.

It only took one kiss to change my whole world, and I was fine with that.

Your love is like a river Peaceful and deep Your soul is like a secret That I never could keep When I look into your eyes I know that it's true God must have spent A little more time On you (A little more time, yes he did baby)

“What’s it like to be an angel?” Y/N asked me in bed. I held her in my arms, and I used my Grace to keep her warm in all places so that she didn’t feel the cold. The Bunker’s heater was slightly broken, so only the rooms closest to the boiler room got the heat, which meant her room was cold. I tried my best to keep her warm, and by the look of the blissful smile on her face, she was.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, what’s it like to fly? To have wings? To never feel hunger or sickness or disease.”

“I’m not sure. I wouldn't have anything to compare it to.”

“You have wings, right?” she asked, looking up at me.

“I do.”

“Why can’t I see them?”

“You can see the shadow they cast, but wings are invisible to the human eye.”

“Oh,” she nodded. I could tell by the way she flitted her eyes back and forth that she had an idea brewing. “Like Hellhounds.”

“I guess, yeah.”

“I’ll be right back,” she grinned, untangling herself from my arms. She ran out of the room and returned a short time later with a pair of glasses in her hands.

“What’s that?”

“Hellhound glasses. Hellhounds are invisible to humans, as well. I figured they may work on your wings,” she grinned. I didn’t want to get her hopes up in case it didn’t work, but that smile was too big and bright for me to kill.

“Try it,” I nodded. I made sure my wings were extended when she placed them on her face, but she didn’t say anything when she did. “Do you see them?”

“Yeah,” she whispered, letting tears fall from her eyes.

“Why are you crying?”

“I didn’t think angel wings could be so beautiful,” she gasped happily, covering her mouth with her hands.

I was completely and utterly in love with her.

Wanna get tagged? Add yourself to this document! If your tag doesn’t work, find out why!

@paintballkid711 @a--1--1--3 @musiclovinchic93 @whizzer1320 @kendall-michele @hunterpuff @scarletmeii

[saiilorstars]

Dare To Forget Me

// Previous Chapters //

Ch. 3: Didn’t You Know?

Pairings: Rafael Barba x Original female character

Warnings: Due to the nature of the series’ plots, I do have to rate this as ‘mature’ for constant mentions of rape.

Summary: Montserrat proves she is a skilled (albeit snappy) detective committed to testifying.

The victim, Hayley Connors, lived a rowdy nightlife. As it turned out, there were various accounts of misconducts that made her story a bit unbelievable. She'd been beaten and raped, there was no doubt about that, but the defense would have a field day with all her prior misconducts. Still, she'd been able to give more details on her attacker which corroborated with what Montserrat had told SVU as well. Between the two statements and a couple pieces of evidence, the squad was able to track down the suspect. With that came the ID sessions.

Montserrat was tapping her boot against the floor when Olivia walked into the interview room. "Hayley finished. You can ID next," Olivia soon noticed the jittery action of the ginger and wondered if there was something wrong. "Are you alright?"

"Yes, sorry, this kid thinks my bladder is a squeeze toy," Montserrat awkwardly smiled as she pushed herself up from the chair. "I just have to use the restroom."

Olivia smiled and told her it was fine. Montserrat felt embarrassed enough. Twice she'd been to the restroom since her arrival. Once she returned, Olivia took her straight to the line up where she met Rafael and also had the (un)fortunate pleasure of meeting the suspect's lawyer, a Mr. Buchanan.

"Detective Novak," Rafael nodded her to step towards the window. "You know what to do, right?"

A sarcastic smile spread across Montserrat's face. "I think I might." She gave the nod to Olivia that she was ready and so Olivia knocked twice on the glass to get the lineup. Montserrat's eyes trailed from one man to the next until she spotted the familiar lanky monster. "It's number four. He was attacking Hayley Connors and then tried to do the same to me." Olivia knocked against the glass to get the line up taken out.

"Which is not part of the charges," Buchanan was quick to say.

Montserrat side glanced at him with a straight expression. "Doesn't matter. He's going down anyways. We'll see your client in court," the twitch of her smirk elicited quite a glare from Buchanan but he kept to himself and took off first.

"I have to warn you, Detective, that antagonizing Buchanan is only going to make his cross examination even more difficult for you," Rafael warned once it was just the three of them.

"Please, either way he'll want to destroy me."

"Which is why you need to know exactly what you're going to be saying."

"And Hayley," Montserrat suddenly chuckled. "I know that look."

Rafael exchanged a confused glance with Olivia, but neither knew what she was talking about. "What look?" he then asked.

"You have the same look that the ADA I worked with would give me when he thought I didn't know what I was doing."

"Montserrat, we both know that you are equipped for court," Olivia started off kindly, but Montserrat knew exactly where she leading up to. "But you worked Homicide. The cases are very different at SVU. In homicide, everything is concrete but here...you have to prove that what the victim claims is true."

"So one wrong word and you could throw Hayley's case out the window," Rafael held nothing back unlike Olivia. He needed Montserrat to understand the implications before she would take the stand. "Maybe I am giving you that look your old ADA did but in my case, don't I have a right?"

Montserrat upheld his gaze for a couple seconds before giving in. She wasn't there to argue. This division was new to her, and despite filing her transfer papers months ago she still needed actual experience to know what SVU really dealt with. "Sorry," her answer was met with suspicion from Rafael, but she just smiled. "You're right. I'll listen."

He opened his mouth to retort but closed it instead. His tilted head made her smile even more. "If all the detectives here were like you, I'd have less headaches."

She laughed at the comment with closed eyes. Her laughter couldn't last for long lest she wanted to make another trip to the restroom.

"My office tomorrow afternoon. We'll go over what you'll say," Rafael said and waited for her to nod before taking off.

Montserrat waited until he was gone before speaking to Olivia. "Well, I like him better than my old ADA. He at least takes me serious."

Olivia started walking her towards the bullpen. "Uh, Rafael's...something. You're the first person I've heard him compliment since he transferred." Then, with a straight face, she looked at Montserrat and added, "He's been here for a year."

After that, Montserrat laughed until she needed to visit the restroom again.

~0~

One week later had both Montserrat and Hayley practicing in the courthouse. Out of the two, Hayley seemed to be the most nervous. Since she didn't want to even be there, Olivia accompanied - specifically walking Hayley through things - them just in case Hayley backed out at the last minute. Things seemed to be going okay but when Rafael started hitting Hayley with the questions he was sure Buchanan would, the girl frantically got off the stand, shouting the entire thing was too much.

"It's only what's coming on the actual day," Rafael was close to losing his already thin patience. "I'm not asking you anything Buchanan won't."

Hayley glared at him, probably thinking at the moment he was a much bigger enemy than Buchanan. "It feels like I'm the one to blame!"

"You're not," Olivia answered before Rafael could. She warned him not to say anything else for the moment. "But it's usually a defense tactic to make it look like you are."

"Of course," Hayley crossed her arms. "I go out and have fun so it must mean that I wanted to be attacked."

"No one here thinks that. But you have to be calm," Olivia's words only seemed to agitate Hayley more.

The young woman dug her hands into her messy blonde hair. "That's easy for you to say! You're not the one who's going to have to be up here!"

Montserrat silently checked her phone while Olivia tried to calm Hayley down. She wouldn't say it out loud, but she thought Olivia's attempt was turning out to be counterproductive. And by the look on Rafael's face, she was sure he would agree.

"Maybe I can go next?" Montserrat finally spoke up. However, her own attempt was met with the same hostility Olivia had to deal with.

"Yes, let the pregnant lady have her go!" Hayley stormed towards the doors. "If she's not too busy gagging over my perfume!"

"I wasn't gagging at your perfume," Montserrat made a face. "It was a combination of everyone's." Yes, her nose was that sensitive and she'd let all three of them know.

Olivia was going to go after her but she stopped by Rafael, "She'll just need some time-"

"You think?" Rafael's snap didn't seem to phase Olivia. Montserrat praised the Sergeant for her dutiful patience with all these people.

"She'll be back," Olivia reassured him. She glanced at Montserrat, and seeing the look on Olivia's face made Montserrat speak up.

"I am fine, trust me." Olivia smiled lightly and went after Hayley before she actually left the court building altogether. Montserrat checked her phone again before rising from her seat. "I don't mean to be a downer on your work-"

"-let me guess, is that something you said to your old ADA?" Rafael asked, though he was pretty sure he already knew the answer.

Montserrat didn't bother hiding her smirk. "Aah, but here's the difference: I actually mean it this time." Rafael actually chuckled. "It's just this case seems difficult to make when the victim herself doesn't seem to want to be here."

"Liv said you were in the process of transferring into SVU?"

"Yeah…"

"Then you would know that in this division, it's pretty much how it goes most the time."

"Yes, I do, and that's why I don't think coddling her is the way to get her to talk," at her words, Rafael stopped in his paper search. "I know Olivia and the Squad and you are more experienced in this division but...I don't think Hayley is going to respond to Olivia's kind manners."

"And how would you handle the situation?"

"Honestly, I would lay the facts. You want to see the person who raped you behind the bars? Then you need to work with us."

Rafael stared at the woman, assuming she would retract or at least apologize for being bold in the tactic. But, she didn't. "That's a bit harsh, don't you think?"

"Some people don't respond to warmth and closeness," Montserrat plainly said. "It's cold but it's the truth."

"Didn't take you for a psychologist," Rafael made a nod for her to head to the stand.

"Ooh, I am many things, Mr. Barba," she sucked in a breath and crossed the room with a hand on her stomach. "But right now the only thing I wish I could be is a woman who could get up from a chair on her own," she said as she went through a small struggle of sitting down on the stand. "Fair notice, you'll be helping me out of this afterwards."

"Of course," Rafael then motioned they were going to begin. He needed to have at least one of the major witness get through the practice or he really would lose it.

Thankfully, Montserrat once again proved she indeed wasn't new to the process. Her words were a little misplaced due to the fact she worked in homicide instead but with the proper guidance, she could be as good as any other SVU detective. He just noticed there was an impulse for her to snap back whenever a particular intrusive question was asked. 

He got a good taste of it when he made the wrong move and made a comment Buchanan most likely would about her.

"Bold of you to assume you know more about me than me," the ginger was now narrowing her eyes on him.

Rafael stopped and leveled her with an irritated expression. "You know better than to fall for cheap tricks like this."

"What kind of lawyer would ask that?" she frowned deeper. "It's ridiculous-"

"-you'd be surprised with what Buchanan can come up with."

"Then he's not a very good lawyer and probably should just go to he-"

"-Detective," Rafael's sharp tone made her stop her sentence.

"First of all, I'm not on the job so I'm not a detective at the moment. Second of all-"

"-no, no, there shouldn't be a 'second of all'. We are getting off track-"

"-I'm only responding to what you're asking!"

"But I'm not asking you anything right now!"

Montserrat scowled at him. "Then why are you shouting!?"

"I'm not!"

Montserrat watched him pinch the bridge of his nose. "You know, you and my old ADA would get along just fine."

Rafael dropped his hand and shot her an incredulous look. Was she really continuing on? Apparently so. "Well, we'd certainly have something to talk about."

"You know what-" Montserrat suddenly stopped when she felt a particular jab on near her lower abdomen. The sudden yelp of pain was enough to make her squirm and jerk forwards on her chair.

"Miss Novak?" Rafael forgot about his irritation with her. "Are you-" Montserrat scrunched her face in clear pain, making him conclude the answer and rush to help her.

The first jab of pain was followed by a second and third within the second. Montserrat did a series of breathing exercises Leah had talked about weeks ago. They suddenly didn't seem so stupid anymore.

"Miss Novak-" Rafael's voice got through to her between one of her breaths, "-I'm going to call for a b-"

She was sure what he was going to say so she waved the hand that wasn't gripping the wooden bar in front of her. "-no! Don't bother!"

"What do you mean!?" Rafael practically shouted at her. "You're about to-"

"-nooo, I'm not!" her breathing was spacing out. "It's just false labor. I've had it twice already, just give me…" she sucked in another breath, "Give me a moment, please. Just...silence! Just stop talking!"

Rafael followed the instruction but he was set on calling for the hospital if she didn't look better in the next minute. Montserrat took a couple more breaths in and out, just like Leah made her practice for a full hour, and monitored her pains. Like the stupid book said, the 'false contractions' gradually decreased. Montserrat finally opened her eyes and met a wide-eyed ADA beside her.

A light smile graced her lips. "Get some color back into that face, Mr. Barba. I told you I was going to be fine."

His natural response was to frown. It seemed like he would snap but out of decency he forced his mouth to remain shut. That just made Montserrat laugh.

"Have you had any kids?" she asked.

"No."

"Then this is your practice," her small laughter didn't help his restraint. "You failed."

"You're actually serious - okay," Rafael felt it was better to end the session there and then because he was not going to have an argument with a woman about to give birth. That was just wrong. "Just please work on the snark."

"I will if you will," Montserrat chuckled, much to his dismay. "Before you storm out, could you help me?"

Rafael honestly thought she'd been kidding about needing help getting up from a chair. After the spectacle she just gave, he'd need some aspirin for sure. She made Hayley Connors feel like a day at the park. She's pregnant. Just let her do what she wants. She was about to push a human being out of her body so perhaps leeway was something she deserved. God knows his mother would have his ear if she ever found out he refused to help a pregnant woman. He didn't even want to think what his grandmother would have to say.

"Please consider taking it light until the court day," he spoke much calmer when he returned to the stand to help her. "The last thing we need is for you to go into labor before or during the-"

"-let's not jinx it," Montserrat shuddered and preferred to be optimistic she would have luck with her due date.

"Ready?" Rafael took her nod and helped her up from her chair. "Be careful with the step-"

"What step?" Montserrat saw a glimpse of the step before her right foot inadvertently slipped.

Rafael instinctively blocked her fall and caught her by the waist. Montserrat's brief moment of fear was evident across her face. It was very close to Rafael's face, enough so that they could both notice traits from each other that weren't so obvious at first glance. He, for example, had flecks of brown in the midst of his green eyes. She, on the other hand, very light freckles sprinkled below her eyes.

"There we go," Rafael soon helped her get back on her feet, purposely avoiding her gaze. "You're alright."

"Thank you," Montserrat straightened up and made way for her things. She was right on time because her phone went off just a second before she reached it. "It's Casey. She's probably outside. We were done right?"

"Yes, yes, completely," Rafael only briefly looked up from his own things. "Thank you."

"Uh, can you let Olivia and Hayley know I said goodbye?"

"Of course."

Montserrat didn't think he'd be willing to look at her again that day. She supposed the brief moment was enough to put any ADA on alert. The last thing he needed - and her for that matter - were rumors.

She instead met Casey outside the court building. Her cousin was waiting with a brown paper bag in one hand which she rose in the air as soon as she saw Montserrat. "Thought you could use some brownies," Casey smiled.

Montserrat raised an eyebrow of suspicion. "You know, every time you do something nice it's because you did something bad to me."

Casey sarcastically snorted. "That's when we were kids." Montserrat still didn't stop giving her a sharp look. "Alright," Casey lowered the bag and shrugged, "I know how tough Rafael can be so I figured you might want some dessert after your practice."

"That sounds more like Casey," Montserrat happily took the bag from her and opened it up to be greeted by the sweet chocolaty scent of brownies.

"So-" Casey turned them down the street, "-did things go well?"

"Um, I've no idea," Montserrat admitted she wasn't sure what the odds were for this case to go well. "The victim is...really frantic. She's emotionally unstable. She screamed at Olivia and stormed out."

Casey hummed. "Yeah, that happens sometimes. Patience is the true key in SVU."

Montserrat took a bite of a brownie which turned out to be very chewy. "Mm, this is so good!" Casey smiled and shook her head. "My day needed to get better and this was the perfect way."

"So it didn't go well for you either?"

Montserrat tilted her head and thought about her own practice. "No, I think I did. I know how to do this stuff, Casey. But I did get into a mini-argument with Rafael somewhere along the way."

Casey scoffed. "With you there are no 'mini-arguments'."

Montserrat feigned an offended gasp. "How rude."

"But honest," Casey's smirk remained irritating as when they were kids.

Montserrat rolled her eyes and continued to eat her dessert. Her playfulness faded by the time she spoke up again. "Casey, do you think you could come with me when it's time to testify? I know you're busy and I know I've said that I'm not new to the process but…"

Casey put a hand on her cousin's arm. "I will be there."

Montserrat smiled in relief. "Thanks. I would just feel better if family was there."

"Of course," Casey smiled back. She put an arm around Montserrat's shoulders and continued to walk. "You hungry? Because I am."

"I'm always hungry these days!" Montserrat laughed.

~0~

The day of court Montserrat made her best to be on time and look as ready as possible. It was just to her unfortunate luck that she felt sick after eating breakfast. Leah made her a light, fruity breakfast just like the doctor suggested. Montserrat ate as much as she could then retreated to her bedroom to change.

She went with a cream-colored, short-sleeved dress appropriate for court and for her general uncomfortableness. Her hair was left down but with two pieces clipped back. It was a struggle fitting on her shoes when she couldn't exactly see her feet. Leah would laugh each time she was called in for help.

When Casey arrived to take Montserrat, she immediately noticed there was something off about her cousin. "Are you sure you're alright?" Casey asked for the third time now that they were arriving at court.

Montserrat seemed a little pale and, sure, she did feel just a little extra uncomfortable but what was unusual about that? She reassured Casey everything was just fine. "And please don't ask me again," she warned just as the elevator doors slid open for them to leave.

On their way out, they immediately spotted Hayley Connors coming out the courtroom with Olivia. As predicted, Hayley seemed logically upset.

"Did something happen?" Montserrat asked but Olivia shook her head, pushing Hayley forwards.

"Defence just made her talk about her nightlife, but it's fine. You're next and-"

"-basically you're damage control," Casey kept Montserrat moving in the opposite way. It was best for her and Hayley not to speak until Montserrat had her turn on the stand.

"Oh, no pressure," Montserrat put a hand on her stomach. The bailiff re-opened the door and exchanged a mutual nodding with Casey. "Oh yay," Montserrat glumly said as she was brought towards the doors.

"Now are you sure you're fine?" Casey stopped her just for a second, even though everyone was already waiting for Montserrat. "You seem extra-"

"-I'm uncomfortable," Montserrat gestured to her state. "That's it. I promise."

Casey had no choice but to let her go. She slipped into the courtroom after Montserrat and took the nearest seat she could.

Montserrat did her best not to put on a show when she sat down. She was thankful that Rafael was a straight forwards prosecutor who didn't do the usual fake "how are you" or the coddling by announcing he'd be asking her questions right before asking the questions. She found that incredibly annoying.

"How did you meet Miss Connors?"

"I didn't meet her persay, I heard her screams."

"Why was she screaming?"

"Because there was a man attacking her."

"And do you see that man here today?"

Montserrat dutifully pointed her index finger at the man sitting next to Buchanan. "He's right there."

"Let the record show that the witness has identified the defendant, Noel Oakes," Rafael paused when he noticed Montserrat scrunch her nose. He learned to recognize that as a warning something caught her nose in the wrong way. The last thing he needed - and for her - was her throwing up because someone chose the wrong cologne. "Miss Novak?" his call brought her gaze back up. "Can you describe what you saw on the night of March 29?"

"I saw the defendant push Miss Connors against a wall. He was angry about something-"

"Objection!" Buchanan stopped her so suddenly she blinked. "Lay witness opinion. The witness can't possibly know in what state of mind the defendant was in."

Montserrat inwardly groaned. She didn't need to be a rocket scientist to know anger when she saw it. Still, she took in a light breath and rearranged her words. "He smacked her head and then threatened her with a knife."

"And how were you sure it was a knife?"

"He pointed it at Miss Connors' face when he pushed her up against the wall. Its silver reflected under the street lights. Plus, when the defendant dropped it, it landed beside me." In that moment, Montserrat wished charges for Oakes' attack on her had been added so she could also spew out that information and get a definite guilty verdict. If she hadn't ran away from the scene, she could've. It was her punishment.

Dread around became palpable when Rafael finished questioning her. It didn't help when she unexpectedly in-took a shaky breath. Her body jerked upwards but not enough to get up from the chair.

"Miss Novak, are you alright?" the judge was the one to inquire.

Montserrat gave a quick nod of her head. "Y-yes." Still, getting comfortable on her chair seemed to be impossible now. She had the collective stares of Casey, Rafael and Buchanan. The first two were the weary ones...

It didn't help when Buchanan started the cross-examination by asking "how are you?" He was that type of lawyer.

"I'm fi-ine," she said but her 'fine' came out just a bit high pitched. "Uncomfortable, but fine."

"Yes, I can imagine," Buchanan cleared his throat and, thankfully, got on with his questions. "Can you explain where you were coming from on the night of the alleged attack?"

"Objection - relevance?" Rafael's confusion was shared by Montserrat. The hell did Buchanan want to know about her life for?

"It goes to the credibility and the state of mind of the witness during the alleged attack," Buchanan explained with an air of confidence Montserrat was hating. And since the judge allowed him to continue, it got worse.

Montserrat licked her lips and looked to the side. "I was coming from an appointment."

"What kind of appointment?"

Montserrat's dark eyes met the man's, clearly not impressed by the direction of his question. She knew what he was going to try and do after she answered. "A therapy session."

"Right, so after your session you were probably dealing with feelings that could cloud your memory-"

"-no," she calmly cut him off. She'd been able to see Rafael's mouth opening to probably object to the nonsense Buchanan was spewing. "I was in a normal state and my therapist would be able to confirm that if you'd like."

"Forgive me, Miss Novak, but a woman in your state is undergoing so many changes. Isn't it possible that, due to one of these changes, you may have just imagined or mistaken what was happening?"

Montserrat raised an eyebrow at him. "Are you implying my pregnancy is inhibiting my ability to see and hear? Because I know what a beating and a rape look like."

From the benches, Casey knew her cousin was about to snap. And since her emotions were already unstable, it probably wouldn't end well if unleashed.

"Not at all," Buchanan answered in an annoyingly calm manner. "But you were clearly not in a right state after you fled the scene-"

"Objection!" Rafael thought the man was going far even for his usual standards. Montserrat was squirming in her seat every minute or so and he assumed it was because Buchanan was pushing her too much.

"Withdrawn," Buchanan made a wave of his hand. He took another stab at his game, this time going into Montserrat's flee of the scene. He just hadn't been counting on Montserrat snapping that his client had scared the living crap out of her - and her baby - when he brandished a knife at her.

In the end, though pale faced and rigid, Montserrat did more good than bad. Her "damage control" endeavor was dealt with just fine. It was just the damn chair that continued to be her enemy in that room. The court took the lunch recess after her testimony, and so as people were coming out Casey personally came to help her cousin out the room.

"Montse, you did good," she assured Montserrat as they exited the room.

"Did I?" the ginger doubted herself for a moment.

"No, you did," Rafael came up behind them. "Your snaps - which I told you to control - were said with the right words."

"And by that you mean…?"

"You're kidding? You're nine months pregnant - that alone gives you sympathy from a jury. Buchanan dug his own hole when he implied you weren't competent because of that."

Montserrat didn't even want to remember that, but there was something she wanted to address before leaving. "Casey, get ahead start please."

"You really earned some brownies this time," Casey smiled and started heading towards the elevators, promising to wait for her there.

"Yeah, I don't think I'll be eating anything for a while," Montserrat's mumble went unheard by anyone. "About the whole therapist thing - I'm sorry I didn't mention that. I didn't think Buchanan would bring it up-"

Rafael scoffed. "It's classic. And you don't have to explain anything. That was completely irrelevant to the case-"

"-but I should have informed you so that at least he didn't get to surprise us with it," Montserrat shifted on her feet, scrunching her face. She reached for Rafael's wrist, startling him with the action. "Just tell me I helped the case."

"Yes, you did - are you alright?" he was tired of wondering why there was no color in her face. At first, he thought it was because she'd smelled something making her nauseous again, but now maybe he was thinking it was something else.

"I-I am," she seemed to struggle even swallowing. "I, uh, I just have it on good authority that I've been in labor for the past fifteen minutes."

The calm way she said it didn't stop the stunned expression from forming across his face. It was his turn to lose color in his face. "Excuse me?"

"Oh, you didn't think my water breaking was going to be the first sign of labor, did you?" Montserrat took in a decent-sized breath. "Only about 8% of women actually go through that."

"I-I-I don't - you just sat there and testified!?"

Montserrat smiled - or smirked - with her own air of smugness this time. "I told you I was not having a baby before I testified. I'm a badass in general, didn't you know?" she had to stop for another deep breath. "Ooh yeah, I think the contractions are starting now. Good luck with your case." She pulled her hand from his wrist - which had tightened its grip without her realizing - and turned to meet Casey by the elevator.

Rafael had done his job for plenty, and plenty, of years but this was just...shocking. It definitely explained why she kept squirming in her seat towards the end. Now it definitely made his blood boil that he hadn't been able to cut into Buchanan's jabs. Still, he was first and foremost stunned by Montserrat, and that alone was hard to do seeing what kind of job he held. He'd let her know that the next time he saw her.

Unfortunately, he didn't know it would take him months to see her again.

[outspokensa]

(  bella  hadid.    cis  female.    she/her.  )  /  word  on  the  street  is  that  devin  bahar  was  just  signed  to  starlites.  you  know,  the  twenty-three-year-old  model  ?  according  to  everyone  around  town  they’ve  been  said  to  be  a  bit  withdrawn  &  a  workaholic,  but  i  guess  they  make  up  for  it  by  being  so  loyal  &  charismatic.  three  things  that  would  be  used  to  describe  them  would  be  messy  silk  sheets,  red  wine,  and  staying  in  on  a  saturday  night.  i  hope  they  keep  up  to  the  expectations  of  starlites  and  don’t  get  dropped  before  they  even  take  off  !  — bella  hadid  career  claim  !

I’d  like  to  first  apologize  for  the  mess  you’re  about  to  read  and  for  if  this  turns  into  a  rambling  mess.  I’m  going  to  attempt  to  keep  this  intro  short  since  I  have  a  few  other  links  /  spots  you  can  jump  to  if  you  want  to  read  /  learn  more  about  my  bby  bean.  Anywho,  I’m  Katie,  twenty-one,  in  the  cold  af  est  timezone,  and  I  use  she/her  pronouns.

intro  trigger  warnings:  mentions  of  parental  abandonment  and  rejection,  mentions  of  depression  and  anxiety.

✧  backstory

Devin  I.  Bahar  was  born  to  Isabella  Corine  Bahar,  an  ex-model  who  retired  when  she  got  married,  becoming  far  more  attracted  to  the  ‘rich  housewife,  bow  down  to  me’  aesthetic  than  continuing  to  work,  and  Damian  Ethan  Bahar,  a  lawyer  coming  from  a  long  line  of  family  lawyers  that  were  known  for  working  important,  high-profile  cases.

The  relationship  she  holds  with  her  mother  is  strained  due  to  the  woman’s  materialistic  nature  and  her  goal  of  marrying  off  her  daughter  for  as  much  money  as  possible.  Her  eyes  are  always  on  a  far  bigger  and  shinier  prize,  no  matter  how  good  her  life  already  is.

Her  relationship  with  her  father,  miraculously,  is  healthier  than  the  one  she  has  with  her  mother,  simply  because  she  has  absolutely  no  relationship  with  the  male.  He  took  off  when  she  was  younger,  cutting  off  all  contact  with  his  daughter  without  a  second  thought  and  he  hadn’t  bothered  to  make  any  effort  to  try  and  have  a  relationship  with  her.

In  fact,  when  she  had  attempted  to  start  some  form  of  a  relationship  with  him  after  she  turned  eighteen,  he  completely  rejected  her  and  wanted  nothing  to  do  with  her  and  it  ripped  her  apart  far  more  than  she  was  willing  to  admit  to  herself  or  anyone  else.

Even  now,  she  isn’t  sure  if  the  complete  cut  in  contact  is  due  to  her  mother  or  if  it  was  simply  because  she  didn’t  live  up  to  his  expectations,  didn’t  deserve  his  love.  Either  way,  she  has  attempted  to  move  on  from  it  after  the  rejection,  even  if  she  still  has  that  small  hole  in  her  heart  over  it.

Due  to  how  strained  her  relationship  is  with  her  mother,  she  moved  out  of  the  household  the  day  she  turned  eighteen,  having  managed  to  save  up  enough  money  to  support  herself,  wanting  to  get  away  from  her  as  soon  as  possible.  However,  the  woman  is  still  her  mother  and  she  does  still  attempt  to  have  some  form  of  a  relationship  with  her,  even  if  it  sends  her  into  a  horrible  mindset  whenever  she  has  a  conversation  with  the  woman.

✧  career

She  first  began  modeling  at  the  age  of  16  for  a  commercial  project.  She  also  starred  in  the  "Swan  Sittings"  by  Lesa  Amoore,  alongside  actor  Ben  Barnes,  before  appearing  in  "Smoking  Hot"  by  Holly  Copeland.  She  also  modeled  for  Hanna  Hayes'  F/W  2013  collection,  alongside  various  other  commercial  projects,  including  campaign  work  for  Chrome  Hearts  during  2013  and  2014.

She  was  then  signed  to  IMG  Models  in  2014  and  her  career  started  shooting  off  from  there.

She  never  actually  planned  to  become  a  model,  she  actually  wanted  to  be  a  photographer  when  she  was  younger  and  planned  to  go  to  school  for  it.  When  it  came  to  the  point  where  her  focus  turned  towards  college,  she  ended  up  heading  towards  visual  arts,  fashion  design,  and  graphic  design.  Out  of  that,  she  discovered  her  passion  for  clothing  and  that’s  what  began  her  journey  of  designing  clothes,  a  project  she  started  along  with  her  modelling  career.

Since  the  start  of  her  career,  she  has  won  over  a  dozen  different  awards  that  range  over  her  multiple  different  career-interests.  Managing  to  make  a  name  for  herself  as  a  model  and  fashion  designer.

As  much  as  she  enjoys  photography,  she  puts  most  of  her  focus  onto  modelling  and  continuing  to  add  to  her  own  clothing  line  full-time.  This  leaves  photography  for  her  spare  time  as  more  of  a  hobby,  however,  she  does  step  in  to  help  other  high-profile  photographers  from  time-to-time.

✧  personality

She  identifies  as  pansexual  and  has  always  been  very  open  to  sharing  and  talking  about  her  sexuality.

Has  always  put  her  foot  forward  to  support  charities,  organizations,  and  projects  that  support  the  entire  LGBTQ  community.  Along  with  making  sure  to  put  her  focus  into  other  charities  and  organizations,  she’s  always  been  the  type  of  person  to  ‘give  back’  and  to  put  her  support  into  the  things  she  believes  in.

Devin  suffers  from  intense  depression  and  anxiety.  For  the  most  part,  you  would  never  know,  she  does  well  but,  every  once  in  a  while  she  goes  into  a  deep  rut.  She  won’t  talk  to  anyone,  doesn’t  want  anyone  around,  generally  entirely  depressing  and  doesn’t  want  to  bring  other  people  down  when  it  comes  to  it.  It  takes  a  lot  of  trust  and  a  special  type  of  friendship  for  her  to  allow  you  to  be  around  during  that  time  considering,  most  of  the  time,  she’ll  go  completely  off  the  grid  the  entire  time.  However,  at  the  same  time,  she  openly  talks  about  her  battle  with  depression  and  anxiety.  She  doesn’t  ever  want  anyone  to  feel  alone  and  she  tries  to  involve  herself  with  as  many  campaigns  and  projects  that  involve  supporting  those  with  mental  illness  as  possible.

Along  with  this,  she  also  has  this  back  and  forth  with  affection.  She  either  hates  being  touched  or  gravitates  towards  it,  it  really  depends  on  her  mental  state  at  the  time  and  the  general  relationship  she  has  with  the  other  person  involved.  It  can  be  difficult,  one  day  she’ll  be  ready  to  give  you  a  bear  hug  and  the  next  day,  she’ll  shake  if  you  try  to  shake  her  hand.

On  a  more  positive  note,  she  tries  to  be  as  positive  as  she  can,  to  a  reasonable  extent.  She  never  wants  to  take  life  far  too  seriously  but,  obviously,  doesn’t  want  to  take  it  for  granted  either.  She’s  the  type  of  person  you  go  to  if  you  want  clear-headed  advice  but  you  don’t  want  to  be  talked  down  to  at  the  same  time.  Or  if  you  want  ridiculous  jokes  while  also  getting  some  kind  of  pep-talk.

Really  the  mom-friend  but  probably  won’t  ever  admit  to  being  the  mom  friend.

✧  extra  information  and  links

blog’s  full  navigation;

you  can  find  links  to  just  about  everything  here.

full  about  page;

if  you  want  statistics,  a  more  in-depth  background,  extra  facts,  and  some  other  small  things,  head  on  over  to  her  about  page.

spotify  playlist;

it’s  a  mess  but,  i’m  always  a  big  fan  of  using  music  to  get  to  know  characters.

pinterest  board;

this  is  also  a  highkey  mess  but  you'll  be  able  to  find  organized  sections  for:  reflection,  exterior,  study,  aesthetic,  and  her  attire.

connections  page;

here’s  a  page  with  a  list  of  connection  ideas,  some  are  specific  but  most  i  tend  to  use  as  templates  for  plotting.  i’ll  also  update  this  with  any  connections.

wanted  connections  tag  &  inspo  blog;

i’m  also  terrible  at  coming  up  with  ideas  so,  i  have  a  sideblog  to  reblog  things  for  wanted  connections  (  the  link  leads  to  the  wanted  connections  tag  ),  but  it  also  has  a  tag  for  extra  muse  posts  if  you’re  interested.  i  might  actually  stop  being  lazy  and  use  some  of  these  as  inspo  links  on  my  connections  page  but  who  knows.

career  tag;

i  already  have  a  few  posts  in  here  (  and  a  few  in  my  queue  ),  if  you’re  interested.  but  devin  is  an  intense  workaholic  that  pushes  herself  far  more  than  what’s  healthy  so  i’m  pretty  sure  it’s  nearly  impossible  for  me  to  put  everything  she  has  ever  /  will  ever  work  on  in  there  but  oop  scoop.

okay,  i’m  going  to  stop  typing  now,  since  i’m  realizing  this  is  getting  longer  than  i  planned.  but  if  you’d  like  to  plot,  absolutely  feel  free  to  slide  into  my  dms  and  we  can  figure  something  out.  i’ve  got  some  coursework  i  waited  until  the  last  minute  to  start  (  again  )  so,  i’ll  be  jumping  on  and  off  while  i  try  to  get  a  good  bulk  of  it  done  !  you’re  also  totally  free  to  hit  me  up  on  d*scord  @  katie#7666  for  plotting  and  such  !

[intoxiicatiing]

Task 001 ;;

Full name: Willow Dana Meyer.

Gender: Female.

Date of birth: 15th July, 1972.

Birth location: Boston, Massachusetts.

Date of death: 22nd September, 1999.

Death location: Las Vegas, Nevada.

Age: 27.

Marital status: Single.

Family (living): Gracie Meyer(Younger sister. 30 years old), Franklin Meyer(Younger brother, 34 years old), Maryanne Meyer( Older sister, 49). Both of her parents are dead.

Mark: Slave

.PAST LIFE.

Willow was the second born to the Meyer family. The Meyers were a respected and sophisticated family, their reputation known all about their hometown.

Willow was a quiet child, someone who never wanted to cause any type of trouble or disturbance. She never caused any problems , was always a prim and proper child/teen and was always polite. She’d always stick by her parents side at parties rather than go off bothering people like her sister would. She was pretty much the picture of innocence and perfection in front of people. She was always so scared of disappointing her parents.

She eventually grew distant with her family when she was around twenty two. She was being set up to marry a family friend, but she had no interest in it. She wanted to be able to live her own life rather than end up as someone’s stay at home wife. It was the first time she’d truly humiliated her family.

She left home with her savings and ended up moving to Las Vegas, Nevada. She bounced around in a few jobs after she moved, but ended up working at a strip club after being recommended by a friend. Though it wasn’t the dancing she wanted to do, it was still an active job she could enjoy.

That’s where things got a bit messy. She was popular at the club, her body and stage presence always drawing people in. She made sure to keep it as professional as she could, but as the years passed, she fell weak to the attentions of others and fell into bed with more and more patrons from the club. She’d always felt bad after, knowing these people had families waiting at home for them to return. She wasn’t the same person she was on stage. On stage she was a vixen, not caring for peoples feelings, just trying to play the game of seduction. But out of the getup, she was soft at heart, a sucker for attention and seemingly loving touches. She didn’t know how she let things get so out of hand.

It all carried on for a while, despite the guilt she felt. She couldn’t seem to pull herself away from it. Maybe it was the attention that kept her doing it, or maybe it was the fact that people were so enticed by her that they just had to have her, take her for their own. She couldn’t get enough of it. Though, it all came to an end on the 22nd of September, 1999. She’d been in the middle of crowd pleasing dance when she was shot dead by an enraged woman who had found out about her husbands affair with Willow.

THE PRESENT.

Her life was spent being under people’s control. Her parents for the most part, the men and women she slept with. Though her stage character radiated power and dominating energy, her real self always fell to the hands of others. It’s no surprise she finds herself in this possession, it’s a permanent reminder of how she was in her life, weak willed and easily controlled.

Willow is just willing to be beneath anyone. She’s a sucker for attention and as soon as she has it, she’ll just fall to her knees. She’s obedient for the most part, though can definitely be a bit defiant and teasing if she feels confident enough. She’s always willing to be put in her place though. She’s tall with lithe limbs and blonde tresses. Sweet sapphire eyes and petal soft pink lips. She can take pain like a champ.

THE FUTURE.

She’d be down to be claimed by someone, though if it doesn’t happen, she’s cool with that too. Doesn’t really have a clue what she truly wants.

Kinks: Knife play, wax play, degradation, blood play, spanking/paddling , rough sex, total power exchange, pet play, bondage, orgasm control, pretty much anything not on anti kinks or anything illegal..

Anti kinks: Scat, vore, vomit, bestiality.

[cassiexbailey]

HOLY SHIT IS THAT [ KAT MCNAMARA ]?! Oh, wait it’s just [ CASSIOPEIA “CASSIE” BAILEY ]. Damn, [ SHE/HER ] looks good for [ 22 ], good thing that they’re [ BISEXUAL ], I might have a chance. I hear that they call them the [ NANCY DREW ] of the [ NORTH SIDE ]. I guess that’s because they’re [ INDEPENDENT ] and [ RESOURCEFUL ]. But I don’t think a lot of people know that they’re also [ SECRETIVE ] and [ STUBBORN ].

01. BASICS

Full Name: Cassiopeia Sebine Bailey

Nickname: Cassie, Cas, Teeny

Sex/Gender: Female

Birthday: November 11, 1996

Age: 22

Astrological Sign: Scorpio

Occupation: Private Investigator

Spoken Languages: English, French, Italian

Sexual Orientation: Bisexual; Heteroromantic

Birthplace: Riverdale, MA

Hometown: Port Townsend, WA // Chicago, IL

Relationship status: Single but complicated

02. PHYSICAL TRAITS

Hair Color/Style: Red-orange or blonde, depending on her mood; she was born with bright red hair, but when she was younger she used to dye it dirty blonde so that she’d look more like her mother; since she found out both of her parents were lying to her about who she was, she let her hair go back to it’s natural color. As for style, she doesn’t really style it often, but it’s usually either down, in a ponytail, or put up in a messy clip

Eye Color: Green

Face Claim: Kat McNamara

Height: 5′3″

Weight: 120 pounds

Tattoos: a large phoenix covering part of her back and left hip symbolizing her love for Greek myth but also as a means for covering up an old stab wound; a small ring of laurel leaves with ‘03/19/1980′ on one side and ‘06/12/2019′ on the other on the inside of her right arm, representing her mother { photos coming soon }

Piercings: Both her ears are pierced twice

Unique Attributes: coming soon

Defining Gestures/Movements: running a hand through her hair; bouncing her leg/knee when she’s nervous; cracking her neck and knuckles; drumming her fingers on whatever surface she’s nearby

Posture: Decent posture, but slouches from time to time

03. PERSONALITY TRAITS

Pet Peeves: { she has a lot okay? this isn’t even all of them } ignorance, lairs, cheaters, being chronically late, people who talk loudly on their phones, people chewing loudly or with their mouths open, people who walk slowly in the middle of the sidewalk or stop suddenly, line cutters, people who don’t use their turn signals, bad grammar, passive aggressive behavior (even though she’s guilty of this herself), people who refer to themselves in the third person 

Hobbies/Interests: dance, writing, photography, criminal justice, reading, cooking, hiking

Special Skills/Abilities: private investigation, adaptable, researching, staying calm under pressure

Likes: sex, coffee, tattoos, photography, hiking, swimming, astrology, astronomy, nature, traveling

Dislikes: rude people, ignorance, fake people, cigarettes/smoking in general

Insecurities: losing people she cares about, not being good enough for someone { i’ll probably add more later }

Quirks/Eccentricities: coming soon

Strengths: coming soon

Weaknesses: coming soon

Speaking Style: coming soon

Temperament: she can keep a calm head in most situations, but she does have a bad temper

04. FAMILY & HOME

Immediate Family: Edward Bailey (Anderson) { father }; Sebine Smythe { mother }; Athena Bailey { adopted mother, deceased }; Sebastian Smythe { half-brother }, Sebrina Smythe { half-sister, deceased }; Bruce Anderson { uncle }; Blaine Anderson { cousin }; Darius Anderson { cousin }

How do they feel about their family? coming soon

How does their family feel about them? coming soon

Pets: None yet

Where do they live? She lives in a small one bedroom house in the neutral zone

Description of their home: coming soon

Description of their bedroom: coming soon

05. THIS OR THAT

Introvert or Extrovert? A bit of both, depending on the situation and people

Optimist or Pessimist?

Leader or Follower?

Confident or Self-Conscious? A bit of both

Cautious or Careless?

Religious or Secular? Raised Catholic, but doesn’t practice anymore

Passionate or Apathetic?

Book Smarts or Street Smarts? Both

Compliments or Insults? Depends on the person

Pajamas or Lingerie? Neither; she sleeps in a loose-fitting tank top and short shorts

06. FAVORITES

Favorite Color: dark green

Favorite Clothing Style/Outfit: coming soon

Favorite Bands/Songs/Type of Music: coming soon

Favorite Movies: coming soon

Favorite Books: coming soon

Favorite Foods/Drinks: coffee

Favorite Sports/Sports Teams: She doesn’t necessarily have a favorite team, but she enjoys watching hockey and football

Favorite Time of Day: early evening

Favorite Weather/Season: tied between fall and winter; she loves the cold

Favorite Animal: wolf

07. MISCELLANEOUS

Fears/Superstitions: not being good enough; people finding out who she really is and blaming her for Sebrina’s death

Political Views: she doesn’t really care to be honest; she doesn’t have a party declared, she votes with who she thinks will be best at the time

Addictions: coffee, sex

Best School Subject: English, History

Worst School Subject: Math

School Clubs/Sports: dance team

How does she get money? she owns her own private investigation business

How is she with technology? very adept; not hacker-level, but she can get by

08. PAST & FUTURE

Fondest Memory: learning to cook with her mother

Deepest, Darkest Secret: coming soon

Dream Vacation: coming soon

Best thing that has ever happened to this character: coming soon

Worst thing that has ever happened to this character: Losing her mother and learning that both she and Edward had been lying to her for her entire life

What do they want to be when they grow up? she is grown up, and she’s doing what she wants to do; that being said, married to someone who loves her for who she is. maybe a few kids.

Perfect Date: she doesn’t really have anything in mind for a perfect date. good food, good company. that’s all she can ask for.

09. BRIEF BIOGRAPHY

triggers: mention of presumed KIA military status, drive-by gun violence, torture, murder, death

Growing up, life for Sebine Laurent had been anything but normal. Her parents had died at a young age, leaving her growing up as an orphan on the South Side. Early in her teen years, she fell in love with a young South Sider named Edward Anderson - the youngest son of the Serpents leader. The two were together for years, but despite this relationship when the Smythes came looking for a wife for their youngest son, Sebine ended things with Edward per her new in-laws demands; they shoved a hefty prenup in her direction demanding she not bring any scandal to the family name via her relationship with the South Side boy she had been involved with for so long, and she had begrudgingly accepted it in search of a better life.

Years passed without any contact between Edward and Sebine. She gave birth to two beautiful twins, Sebastian and Sebrina, and her life seemed perfect; her marriage was far from perfect, but she loved her family regardless. A chance encounter brought Edward and Sebine back into each other's lives, and the spark quickly reignited between the two of them. The Smythes knew what was going on between their daughter-in-law and her old flame, but they let it go. They had their picture-perfect family and their beautiful grandchildren. As far as everyone else was concerned, the Alexander and Sebine Smythe had the perfect family. Problems quickly arose, though, when Sebine fell pregnant, and it was clear that Alexander wasn't the father this time.

The family threatened to leave her completely desolate if she didn't end things with the Serpent once and for all, including giving the baby to the Sisters of Quiet Mercy once Sebine had given birth. They thought they had everything under control until Edward refused to be pushed out of Sebine's life for a second time. He had secret, grand plans to sweep Sebine away from her life in the North Side so they could run away to be together, but her in-laws intercepted. They gave Edward a counter-offer that was almost too hard to refuse. Sebine would never leave with him, but he could still have a piece of her; they offered to give him a substantial amount of money to get out of the gang-life that was expected of him in the South Side as well as to leave Riverdale with the baby and never return.

After trying and failing to convince Sebine to leave with him, Edward refused the Smythe’s offer at first, though instead of leaving town like they had asked, he simply took Cassie and left the North side. He returned to the familiarity of the South Side with his daughter, but instead of pledging his loyalty to the Serpents like he was expected to - like his older brother, Bruce, had done - he joined the Ghoulies alongside his best friend, Luca Gilbert. His brother was furious at this perceived betrayal, especially since Bruce had taken over the Serpents in the wake of their father’s passing in the years before. Knowing how angry Bruce was, Edward and Luca prepared for some sort of retaliation, but after weeks of quiet on the Serpents end it seemed as if it wasn’t going to come. In retrospect, Edward should have known better.

Time passed and a relative peace between the Serpents and the Ghoulies settled in. Weeks turned into months. Months into years. It was just long enough that Edward and Luca began to let their guard down, and that was all the chance that Bruce needed. He knew attacking Edward wouldn’t work - while Bruce was brutal and merciless, his brother was worse, and he knew Bruce’s few weaknesses. Hurting Edward himself wouldn’t work, and even he wouldn’t have touched his newborn niece, though he’d never admit that particular fact to anyone. Instead, Bruce turned his rage towards Luca and Derek Gilbert; Luca was Edward’s best friend, and he’d come to see Derek as a son himself. Hurting Edward by killing his family was the best kind of revenge Bruce could have come up with; he knew it would break his baby brother.

Two years of relative quiet between the gangs on the Southside passed, and then suddenly Luca and Derek went missing. Edward had searched for his family for a few days until he got the word from fellow Ghoulies that they’d found Luca’s body beside the river that runs through Fox Forest. He’d been beaten and clearly tortured to death, but they’d been unable to find Derek; from what they could tell, though, it seemed as if he had suffered the same fate as his father. From what he’d seen of the scene himself, Edward suspected that Bruce had dumped Derek’s body in the river as a means of torturing him even further. There would be no closure without the body, and Bruce knew Edward enough to know how much that would bother him.

Losing both Luca and Derek did exactly what Bruce thought it would have done: it broke Edward. When Bruce threatened to kill Cassie if Edward didn’t leave Riverdale behind him, Edward had no choice but to take his daughter and run. He didn’t stick around long enough to learn that police found Derek wandering through the woods alone days later. Instead, he went back to the Smythes. While they wouldn’t give him as much as they had initially offered, they still gave him a hefty amount of money when he threatened to make his affair with Sebine public knowledge. Taking the hush money that they gave him, Edward changed his last name and left the small town in his rear-view mirror with his daughter in tow. Moving them all the way across the country, Edward set out to put his past in the past and start over.

Cassie spent most of her early life in Port Townsend, Washington, a small maritime town located just north of Seattle, with absolutely no recollection of her early life in Riverdale. Edward wanted to get as far away from Riverdale as possible, and a small town located literally on the other side of the country seemed like the best option to him.

Six months after moving to Port Townsend, Edward met a woman named Athena working as an emergency room resident in the local hospital. He’d been working various protection details for important people around the city and had been stabbed while protecting someone. What started as innocent flirtation between Athena and Edward quickly blossomed into something more. She looked beyond the damaged and rough exterior to the broken man inside, and it was Athena who helped him begin to heal. She knew who he was and what kind of man he had been raised to be, and she loved him anyway. She treated and raised Cassie as her own, and she is the only mother that Cassie has ever known.

Shortly after Cassie’s ninth birthday, Athena took a job at a medical center in the South Side of Chicago, and before she knew it, Cassie’s life was being uprooted and moved back east. Edward took various jobs in an attempt to keep up the semi normal life he’d been living in Port Townsend, but eventually he fell back into the only life he’d ever known, working as an enforcer for a local mob group in the city. It was the only real talent he had, and while Athena didn’t necessarily approve of it she stood by the man’s side regardless as he fell back into the familiar role. As she grew older, Cassie began following in her father’s footsteps, though Edward’s way of life was the last thing either parent wanted for Cassie. With time, though, they came to realize that there was no stopping the young woman. Much like both of her parents, once she set her mind to something there was no way she was going to budge.

Shortly after graduating from high school, Cassie literally ran into the man of her dreams. Anthony had stopped by a local diner for lunch; the same diner that Cassie was working part-time in. She had been in a hurry and not fully paying attention and slammed right into the taller man as he went to take a seat at one of the booths; luckily, his reflexes were amazing, and strong arms caught her before she could stumble backwards. He was only home on leave for a few weeks, but it only took a few short weeks for Cassie to fall head over heels in love with the Marine. Their relationship took off faster than most, but even to those around them it was as if they’d been together for years.

Cassie and Anthony were together for six months before he asked her to marry him. Her parents weren’t exactly thrilled at just how quickly the two had gotten to that point - it was one thing to approve of it, quite another to be okay with your daughter getting engaged after such a short time - but they didn’t object to it. Both Edward and Athena agreed that Anthony and Cassie were good for each other; the fact that he was going to be serving an entire deployment before they actually got married also helped Edward accept their engagement a little easier.

Tragedy struck their small family, though, when a notification party showed up on Cassie’s doorstep one morning to inform her that Anthony had officially been declared as Missing in Action, and Cassie and her family were listed as his only next of kin. Given the fact that he was a member of a Delta Force team, there wasn’t a lot that they could tell her about his disappearance, but they were certain that he had been gone missing during one of their missions. He had been presumed dead, but they hadn’t found a body so they couldn’t officially declare him Killed in Action yet. Cassie was torn apart at this news, but Edward and Athena were there to help her pick up the pieces. Even still, she hasn’t dated anyone since; there’s a part of her that hopes Anthony will show up on her doorstep one day.

Despite helping her father whenever she could, Cassie still had her own life as well. She had her own passions and interests outside of following in her father’s footsteps. Cassie had always been a curious nature, and after spending years of helping people on the South Side (of Chicago) with their own problems she decided to make a career out of it. Cassie enrolled in a local college to study criminal justice, though she dropped out just a few credits shy of graduating when another tragedy struck her family once more.

Throughout his years as an enforcer, Edward had made more than a few enemies. He never worried about it until the day that one of those enemies came after his family. Athena had been waiting outside of a local, family-owned restaurant for Edward and Cassie to meet her there for a family night out - a tradition they had started when she began college - when she was shot multiple times in a drive-by shooting; Edward and Cassie had arrived moments later, and Cassie’s world began to come crashing down around her. Athena bled out in Edward’s arms while Cassie watched horrified from the sidelines.

In the months that followed, Cassie’s life was turned upside down. Not only had she lost the only mother she’d ever known, but she uncovered a truth she’d never thought possible. Edward had never hidden the fact that Athena wasn’t Cassie’s biological mother, but he had always told her that the woman who’d given birth to her had died in childbirth. Cassie had always believed him - she’d never had reason to doubt him - until the day she stumbled across letters between Sebine and Edward. She hadn’t thought anything of them at first, many of them were from when they were teenagers and before she was born, but then - as she continued to read - she realized that they continued for nearly a year after she was born. Letters in which Edward spoke about how he still loved her, but he understood her decision to stay with the Smythes, and he would continue to send her photos of Cassie as she grew. Not only had Edward lied about her mother’s death, but he’d kept an entire family from her for years.

In her anger, and after doing months worth of research on her mother and the woman’s family, Cassie left Chicago without a word to her father. She wasn’t sure exactly what she was looking for in Riverdale or from Sebine, but she knew she had to see the woman in person.

10. HEADCANONS

Cassie absolutely loves to dance. She stopped dancing for a while, but now that she’s in Riverdale she’s started going to Jackie’s dance studio more often.

[xuijia]

Grenwich Falls

Grenwich Falls- What happens when a an unknown comes into the crossfire of a werewolf pack? No one is familiar with each other and no one trust each other..

GOT7/BTS au: non-idol, college students, werewolves, other wereanimals, and a few unknowns.

Warnings: Future chapters may contain smut, angst, fluff. Trigger warnings will be given when appropriate. 

Main characters from each group will mainly consists of 94 and 97liners. 

Chapter 1: The Meeting

Chpt 2

Word count: 3.2k

You knew what you were and you knew the chance you took coming to this university. People like you remained low and separate from others preferring to stay away from cliques that could never really pinpoint what or who you are. But you were tired of running tired of being a nomad with no claim to any space as your own and sure you could turn back to your parents and live life back in your small town with them and your little brother but what good would it do? They weren’t like you either. So after leaving home at 17 what else were you supposed to do now that you were 20 and truly unestablished. You did what everyone else did that was your age, went to college. For the past two years you had taken online courses at a university so you could roam from place to place exploring the states all the way from the west coast to the east but you missed companionship. After all that was a vital part of human nature to crave the company of other humans no matter the smaller percentage of that which was in you. It was however much greater than those of the other wereanimals.  

So here you were moving into your apartment a week before the fall term was about to start with two werewolves as roommates and oddly a human with a strong were scent. She was marked, you figured that was the only way the other two females would have willingly chose her as a roommate. From what you knew werewolves didn’t associate themselves with non-wolves. This you had learned from your parents as they warned you that of all the were animals; “dogs” as they called them had the highest ego, traveled in the largest packs and thought that they were the superior of the were communities. Heck, there were even fully exclusive werewolf universities but none for your kind but yet here they were.

“Hi, my name is Andrea”, one of the girls extended her hand to you acknowledging your presence and company as a housemate.

She was cute, a description you’d normally never associate with a were but you could tell she was fierce as her hazel eyes lit like fire as you extended your hand to her in return. She was taking in your scent no doubt as you had done the same but like most reactions you’d receive her nose scrunched and she viewed you through slanted eyes with uncertainty. It made the hairs on your neck stand as your instincts immediately wanted you to become defensive. The other were girl took note of the exchange and rushed to Andrea’s side eyeing you warily.

A tiny sniff battle ensued as both girls slightly lifted their noses to the air and looked between each other as if gauging your scent. You knew what they wanted to ask but they dare didn’t because throughout all were animals you never asked what kind of were a person was. It was simply bad manners and left an ill taste in everyone’s mouth. That was the one mutual rule that all communities shared; unless said were voluntarily divulged their breed you’d ought to never ask. Of course most thought this rule didn’t apply to werewolves because they were proud to be wolves, travelling in packs, the stereotypical brute build and biker gang mentality wasn’t exactly overfitting when it came to their kind. And if you couldn’t judge from their aura they had no problem telling you just what they were.

“Ugh I absolutely hate when you guys do that!”, the blonde girl exasperated.

She was short and bubbly typical girl next door look, definitely not the type to be mixed with werewolves. She literally couldn’t be taller than 5’2 and the baby pink skirt she wore with her white and yellow striped crop top practically screamed “Eat Me I’m Cute and Cuddly!” You couldn’t help but wonder why or even how she….

“Seriously why don’t you two just piss on the floor and mark your territory” She huffed interrupting your thoughts. “I mean seriously you knew this school would have other were animals, why are you being so weird?”

“Alicia if you weren’t dating my brother I’d seriously bite you right now”, the other girl barked. She was about your height maybe a little taller. With dark brown hair that almost mirrored black and skin so bronze you’d think she was made of copper. Her eyes were most alarming they were gold like literal molten gold.

“Don’t worry Natty, I can take it. Your brother bites me all the time”, she lowered her voice giving the girl a seductive wink.

Natty you now knew her to be scoffed in disgust and faked a choking sound as she went back to your shared living room dragging her bags of clothes off to what you assumed would be her room. Returning your eyes to Andrea you noticed she was still looking at you skeptically. No doubt ruling out which animal you couldn’t be. “Your scent is different”, she said dropping her stance and bouncing into the kitchen.

You were taken aback this was going to be harder than you thought. At least for the moment they weren’t being aggressive but you could tell you guys wouldn’t be besties anytime soon.

Because you were the last to arrive you were subjected to the smallest room but luckily for you it had a better layout as your room was the only one with a walk-in closet in its bathroom. Loosing yourself into unpacking your stuff and trying to make the space feel as comfortable as possible you decided painting these drab off-white walls were a must. You quickly decided to take the day tomorrow to go to the nearest hardware store you could find and add anything to the walls to make it more lively.

“Hi new roomie!”, Alicia popped in making herself comfortable right on your freshly made bed. “We are going to get some food and hangout at a couple of the pack members house, you down?”

“Liss! You can’t just be inviting people to hang around the pack that aren’t pack this isn’t how it works!” you heard a booming voice from across the hall yell. To which you quickly put together as Natty from her tone earlier.

“Ignore her. It’s just some pizza and beers”, the blonde girls said rolling her eyes and facing you again.

You were about the politely decline before another head popped in your doorway and said “yah join us it’s pretty casual and I doubt you really know anyone here yet”.

Again you were about to decline but your stomach answered for you. A growl ripped from your belly that would have made you embarrassed had it not been for the cheerful claps from Alicia and her beauty pageant grin “I will take that as a yes!”

The two girls scurried from your room with Andrea turning back to take in your appearance. You weren’t dressed to impress per se but you didn’t exactly look homeless. What was expected, after all you knew you’d just be moving boxes all day and organizing your new space. So for that occasion your purposefully bleached high school football team shirt and your rather worn yoga pants sufficed, but not for this occasion apparently.

“err you might want to change”, she said grinning sheepishly at you giving off an obvious shrug that stated ‘first impressions’.

After changing all three girls were waiting for you in the living room seemingly dressed as if they were going to a club. ‘Casual my ass’, you thought to yourself. Each one of them had on some form of a mini skirt and tight shirts. You looked down at your apparel. You didn’t’ own club clothes it just wasn’t a part of your wardrobe. The skinny ripped jeans you wore exposed a great deal of your thighs but it still wasn’t drastic and your long sleeve off the shoulder striped mustard yellow and black top didn’t meet the obvious dress code.

“Should I change again?” you asked incredulously. Honestly you would have just rather stayed in and ordered takeout alone. But however this was the whole point of coming to college to interact with other people.

“Umm it’ll do”, Andrea got up circling you. “Nice ass”, she said grabbing her keys and heading for the door.

“Let your hair down”, Alicia commanded as she walked towards you with a tube of red blush tone nude lipstick.

You did as she said letting your honey curls fall from its messy bun and drape around your shoulders. She applied a light coat of lipstick and ran her fingers through your hair fluffing out the flat part that your scrunchy had caused. That’s when you could smell it. The scent, his scent whoever he was the were had a strong presence and it was all over her. She was marked alright her own smell was almost indistinguishable mixed with his. Most human don’t have strong odor usually they’d smell like whatever they had been around that day. You could tell she liked lavender and you could also tell she hadn’t been lying about the bites. Whoever the werewolf was he had claimed her and bitten her in and out of his wolf form.

“You’re really pretty”, she admired giving you the once over again. A car horn signaled that your little encounter was taking too long.

The drive to the pizza place was rather short and the time it took was spent listening to Natty and Alicia banter between each other. You didn’t know much about either of them but you could tell they were fond of each other and that this relationship wasn’t a newly established one either.

The pizza plaza had a cool vibe and when you guys walked in you could immediately smell the scent of many werewolves, a few werefoxes, a couple of werelynx, and what seemed to be the pungent smell of a werepanther. For some reason you could never find yourself to adjust to their unique odor. But Surely enough just as you could smell them they could smell you. A couple of wolves in the corner all turned their heads to your direction. The cool thing about your nature was you had the ability to tone down your scent and even take on the scent of whatever were was around you if there were multiple ones. Unfortunately, also for you in order to do this you had to calm your nerves and walking into a room of unknowns wasn’t exactly helping and considering it was only days away from a full moon everyone’s scent was magnified so there wasn’t much you could do to mask your own just yet.

Wedging yourself behind the two wolves you tried to block your body and keep your head down as they walked further into the plaza reaching some stairs. The smell of wolves was getting stronger and you could now see this was a pack exclusive room and you were not welcome. Vibrations were running through your body and a slow hum was starting that sensed danger but yet no reaction was coming from the three women ahead of you so you still followed suit.

Entering the room, you saw about fifteen different wolves in the room a mix a male and female though mostly male.  Two pool tables in the center occupied two guys each, both of the brute and rather tall stature.

“Baby!”, Alicia squealed running and jumping into the arms of a guy that scarily resembled Natty. He was rather on the skinny side with long legs and thick lips that made his smirk tilt into a smile as he caught her and immediately enveloped her into a hug and kiss.

A guy much broader but about the same height greeted the new guest but quickly caught your scent and turned his eyes to you. You swore you thought you saw them change color slightly going from brown orbs to a highlighted silver as his shoulders squared towards you. His face remained calm but you could feel his power his instincts immediately alerting him that you were not something he was familiar with.

“Who’s she?” he addressed the other three not taking his eyes off of you. His nostrils flared as he was still detecting and processing you. Much to your dismay you could notice the others doing the same. What you really noticed was that the tone of his question was not asking for your name but what you were.

A slight silence persisted as your eyes never left his stance, you knew better than to make steady eye contact with him but yet your heart rate began to slow so you knew he could sense it and was less alarmed. You had to calm yourself because your nature could be equally as aggressive as werewolves but in this room that would not be a good move for you. You tilted your head finally meeting his gaze again but this time holding it. His eyebrow quirked up a smirk pulling at his lips. Ordinarily from another werewolf this would be a challenge to the alpha but your aura gave him no intonation that that was your intention. Of course it wasn’t it wasn’t in your kind’s nature to challenge another alpha for dominance. One because it wasn’t a desire to be a pack master or leader over anyone. You tried your best to make this aware to him and everyone in the room changing your aura into that of a subordinate human.

“Jinyoung. This is our new roommate”, Alicia spoke up but quickly all four of you looked from each other realizing you never properly introduced yourself.

“Y/N”, was all you said smiling sweetly at him meeting his gaze again. At this point everyone in the room was looking at the two of you. Of course you knew they could smell you and at the moment your instincts hadn’t quite subdued the danger feeling so you were not even attempting to merge your scent with one of theirs as camouflage as it would just alarm them more.

Another couple of seconds went by and finally he smiled back at you relaxing and leaning against the pool table a cue in hand “well welcome y/n”, he said.

The tension in the air visibly relaxed and the activities presumed as before you entered. Usually you would have no problem wandering around on your own. That was the nature of your kind what you felt most comfortable doing but right now you wanted to do anything but. You were thankful for Alicia beckoning you over to her and the guy practically entangled around her body. Even for you this seemed peculiar. Usually wereanimals weren’t that infatuated with humans.

“This is my boyfriend BamBam, he is also Natty’s brother which I’m sure you’ve figured out by now” She was gleaming as she looked up to her boyfriend but his eyes were trained on you. He seemed friendly enough and you could tell he had power though obviously not like Jinyoung and not even as much as natty, but he was still a strong wolf.

He finally nodded towards you cracking a smile, canines on full display “Well Liss, you always find interesting company don’t you?”, he said nuzzling her nose causing a schoolgirl giggle to escape her throat.

The rest of the night went by pretty smoothly Liss as you now realized everyone called Alicia and Andrea who had begun warming up to you slowing took you around the room introducing you to everyone. For the most part they seemed welcoming though cautious of you, which you couldn’t blame them. You ate pizza and laughed with some random guy and girl but made sure to limit yourself to two beers for the sake of controlling your ability to mask your scent which at times was all but present. Still though you could feel eyes on your back the whole time and you had to put an effort into keeping hair from standing up in alarm. Jinyoung was watching you just observing you along with another guy with almost an equally aggressive power as Jinyoung. He caught your attention you couldn’t help but to stare back at him as he looked to you. His loose brown hair was neatly styled and his muscles were apparent beneath his black shirt and black pants he was shorter than the other two mean but that did not hinder his strong aura at all. Frankly you also thought him beautiful though a bit intimidating as you took in his scent not once did his eyes leave yours.

Finally, he caught your gaze his eyes burning into your own and his face set in hard line making you both feel at ease. That much was apparent you could tell he was holding back his power and for some odd reason you could tell he knew you were doing the same.

“You shouldn’t be here”, you heard a voice whisper in your ear. His breath tickled your ear and you turned to meet his smirk. He was halfway joking with you finding your confused face amusing. He handed you a red cup which contained water much to your gratitude. You took a sip cheeks feeling flushed.

“You’re making the pack leaders uneasy”, he grinned even harder. Was he flirting with you? You decided to play along finding the tall handsome guy very attractive and you couldn’t deny his scent was appealing to you.

“What makes you think that?” you batted your eyelashes taking another sip of water and grinning just as widely as him.

“Umm” he mused pretending to think “must be because you’re so attractive”, he said circling you admiring you from all angles and adding “plus you’re… Different.”

“Am I?”, you said flipping your hair. This of course wafted your smell closer to him and you saw his adams apple move down his throat as he swallowed. He was definitely affected by you as much as you were affected by him.

“That you are” he said moving his body closer to you almost touching you. For some reason you couldn’t figure out why your body felt like it was on fire. Was it him or the approaching full moon whatever the reason that and the beer was making your scent even stronger.

“I’m Jungkook by the way” he said finally closing the distance and putting his hand on the small of your back on the exposed skin. He felt the shock, causing his pupils to dilate and you realized what was happening. He was coming to his heat and for some reason you were magnifying it.

You heard a cough from beside you and immediately Jungkook dropped his hands from you and took a step back. “We need to get going”, Jinnyoung said commanding the wolf to follow. The other guys followed and slowly everyone started to disperse from the scene as the night had now approached 2 am. You couldn’t help but notice the guy from earlier staring at you again but this time when your eyes met his he looked away and followed his pack master and Jungkook out of the room.

Alicia noticed the little exchange and scoffed at his behavior “That was weird, he’s never done that before”.

You looked down at her and lowered your voice “Who is he? Why does he feel so strong?”.

Andrea was now at your side staring at the space he had disappeared from “That’s Jackson, and he is strong, very powerful. He was almost our pack master”.

[theclaravoyant]

musings on the evolution of bisexuality in sitcoms and being treated “like a joke”

Not to open up old cans of worms, but for my video project I was thinking about the subject of Eleanor Shellstrop (The Good Place) and various opinions about her bisexuality, the status of it canon-wise, and in particular the feelings amongst some of the fandom (and non-fandom) that it is treated “like a joke.” I have heard similar things about Rosa Diaz (Brooklyn 99) as well regarding the latter point and so that worked its way in, and soon enough this ended up sort of turning into a short ish essay. I’m not really trying to argue a particular point, but merely reflect on some things, and I hope you don’t mind I thought I’d share my musings. It boils down to being laughed at vs being laughed with, which I get to below the cut after a brief exposition (I have some Thoughts)

Note: I am not looking to get into an argument with anyone, and I’m not saying this is the be all and end all answer to rep, but if you wanted to share some thoughts, add on, etc, you’re welcome to do so.

Note II: Just for clarity’s sake, non-LGBT+ people are welcome to interact if you would like to do so.

I must admit, moving back to the topic of Eleanor for a minute, I resonate with some of those feelings I outlined above. For example, I don’t particularly care for the fact that we have never seen her engage in an abiding romantic or even sexual relationship with a woman, whereas her romance with Chidi has been rebooted over and over and is consistently the outcome. It grates on me a bit that in a universe which has been rebooted upward of 4 different times that we have seen (and approx 300 other times shoved into a few minutes) this is the outcome every time. Why not explore another option for a season? I love Cheleanor, don’t get me wrong, and the constant rebooting annoys me from that perspective as well not just the f/f perspective, but in terms of sapphic rep and also considering how often bisexuality is exploited and misrepresented by heteronormative storytellers (eg the tropes “Bi the Way” and “Not Too Bi”), it really sucks.

Edit: I deleted a paragraph here that had some examples I had misremembered and was rushing through. Shockingly writing up a train of thought on a bus leads to some inaccuracies and skipping over of valuable debates. Instead, I will say that I don’t mean by the above, that m/f bi attraction is not real and valuable. It certainly is. What is a pain in the ass in my opinion - and in the opinion of a lot of the bi people I know before anyone comes at me with that again - is when bisexuality is only used to make a character interesting, sexy or rebellious, while still only representing the m/f side of things because that is easier/more comfortable/etc for heteronormative writers and viewers to portray and invest in.

THAT SAID, back to my actual point. I think we (particularly we who are LGBT+ ourselves) are also very accustomed to seeing LGBT+ characters in dramas, where bad things happen and there’s angst and death and gnashing of teeth. I think this being the norm leads us to freak out a bit and not necessarily know how to actually handle positive, happy rep in which we ourselves, our identities, are taken seriously. We are so used to either being a tragedy or being laughed at (rather than with) that it is extremely unsettling to experience what I would call a dawning new era of being respected in sitcoms - including The Good Place, Brooklyn 99, One Day at a Time, and I’m sure there are others as well.

It’s not surprising, with this skittishness trained into us, that some people interpret the treatment of Eleanor’s bisexuality as being a joke. I’m also not saying this knee-jerk reaction is the only reason; again, I’m not saying my thoughts & feelings on this are the be all and end all of rep. I am just saying that it was a major reason why I was uncomfortable at first: it is extremely hard to trust people to joke around about us, and our identities, and especially with the added element of the unique hypersexualisation of bisexual f/f attraction. But recently I’ve been rewatching some older and less progressive, less inclusive sitcoms and in comparison, it becomes very clear, the difference between being the butt of the joke (laughed at) or being part of a joke (laughed with). It might help - not just with Eleanor, but with others too - to give some examples:

In Friends, Monica, Rachel and Phoebe, only use the idea of f/f attraction when they want to get the boys’ attention, distract them, win bets, or the like. They are successful in this explicitly because the men find this idea so ridiculously, mind-bogglingly sexy that they can’t think. Yet NONE of these main characters are ever revealed to have an actual, serious attraction to girls; none of them express it outside of the direct goal of getting male attention. Similarly, in How I Met Your Mother, Lily’s repeated expression of a desire to kiss a girl is put down to her artistic nature and rebelliousness, and is repeatedly called “so stupid”, and again, is only used to get male attention (to wake up Barney). When she finally kisses Robin, it goes away (bi experiment trope), and it is implied that ~lol~ after all that Robin might actually want more, but that is then left hanging and never revisited again. There are heaps more, I could go on, but these are all examples of being laughed at. 

Compared to these sorts of jokes, let us reflect on Eleanor again. Jokes around her sexuality include: being so attracted to her female nemesis that Eleanor can’t insult her profusely without starting to compliment her, and being so attracted to her boyfriend’s girlfriend that in a simulation where she plays him, she goes to kiss the girlfriend instead of her assigned goal, which was to break up. If this sounds more like #relatable sapphic content than a dismissive joke, that’s because it is. These jokes could not happen without Eleanor’s attraction to women, that is true, but the attraction itself is not the joke. The joke lies in Eleanor’s reactions to the attraction as a messy, funny, sexually driven human. In this way, her bisexuality forms part of the joke, but it is paired up with her other personality traits as a comedy character to be laughed with. Similarly, with Rosa Diaz, her stunned moment upon seeing Alicia is funny because it is an example of what we in the biz of gay ass blogging sometimes refer to as “useless lesbian brain” (or in this case “useless bi brain”). It’s cute because the love interest is a girl and because Terry is hyper-enthusiastic that it’s a girl. It wouldn’t work as well as a joke if it was not a girl, and heteronormativity is almost definitely the reason for that, but the point still stands that the bisexuality itself is not the joke, it’s the way she responds to it: it’s the fact that Rosa Diaz, usually so suave and in control, loses the ability to Can. Terry’s overly enthusiastic allyship is also funny, but mostly to people who have experienced overly enthusiastic allyship ie the LGBT+ audience.

(To add one final example: I am not aware of ANY male bi rep in older sitcoms, which kinda speaks for itself, but in the more modern ones we have characters such as Darryl Whitefeather (Crazy Ex Girlfriend). One of the biggest jokes around his sexuality is his coming out as “both-sexual!!” Once again, the joke is not the bi attraction itself, but rather, in the fact that lol this pour bi soul didn’t know the word for it! Another example imo of being laughed with).

I know I’m not saying all that much new here. Probably nothing new, to some people. I also know I’m not addressing every joke or facet of bi or LGBT+ rep even in the shows I’ve just listed. I’m not trying to, I mean none of us have all century. I just think it’s important to highlight what I feel is usually quite a strong difference between being laughed at and being laughed with, and that was the main idea of this post. It’s definitely not always as simple as the examples I’ve outlined above (eg. some of the Eleanor jokes are similar to jokes made in Pitch Perfect, in which I would say it’s about being laughed at), but I am just trying to put some words to some of my thought process on this sort of thing, particularly as I rewatch Friends and think about how far we’ve come with it!

One final time, because people in my inbox don’t seem to get it, I am not claiming to be ‘correct’. This is just an aspect of my feelings and opinions. I am also not trying to ‘speak over’ people who actually ID as bi; in fact, it was bi people saying ‘why can’t you let us have funny things’ that actually opened my eyes to a more comfortable bi-friendly interpretation of the treatment of Eleanor’s sexuality in the first place. I’m not trying to say “this is good rep, actually,” or “this is bad rep, actually.” As I said above, I think it’s both, and I think it’s more complicated than that, and most importantly, I am not actually trying to change anyone’s mind. If you resonate with this? Cool. If not, that’s fine. It’s my thoughts, my opinion. It’s not fact and I don’t want to tell anyone how to feel especially about their own rep.

With that in mind, if anyone is interested in chatting with me more about this sort of thing (by which I do not mean harassing me about it) or asking me what I mean by certain things, or for writing advice, or whatever, you’re welcome to do so - this is just the tip of the iceberg! I just wanted to put this out there in the world for whatever purposes it might come to. Thanks for reading!

[checanty]

Hey there!Not to be too corny or over the top, but you are like my favorite contemporary artist and your work is so very inspiring to me! You probably get this question a lot, but are there any tips or things you would tell someone who is currently early in their artistic career(and facing graduating art school soon)? Anything you wish you had heard or been told? Additionally~what's your favorite ghost story? Have you stumbled across any interesting myths or fairytales lately? Thanks! Peace out~

Oh my, you’re being too kind!! You know, the thing with artists just starting out is that there’s no real blanket advice to give as everybody’s in a different situation with different ambitions, personalities and so on. Like there’s some advice good for one person which might devastate another. So my first piece of advice is to take all advice with a grain of salt. Do you feel it applies to you? If it does, great! If it doesn’t, well it’s for somebody else. Don’t fret about people claiming you have to do/be one thing or another to be successful as an artist. (Apart from ‘Don’t be a dick’ which is always helpful.)The second piece of advice is to find your community! Find the places on the internet (or locally if there are any) where the people who are in your situation or are doing the job you want to do hang out. Find the places designed to help you out. (You already know @dearartdirector, right?)Nowadays that’s mostly Facebook groups, some of them secret, so maybe you’ll have to ask somebody if they know a place. There’s a bunch of stuff for children’s book illustrators (also on Twitter!), but there’s e.g. a group especially for female (and non-binary & transgender) illustrators working in the fantasy genre. It’s an amazingly helpful even to read what everybody else deals with, pros and beginners alike and a safe place to ask questions and find support. I’m also in a group for German illustrators which is good for keeping up with changes in laws or the postal system (I KNOW, boring but important and confusing!). Third piece of advice: Be prepared for the paperwork. Seriously, there’s going to be way too much paperwork. I’m sorry. One of my art school teachers told me the hard thing is to find the clients and you can always figure out the paperwork later and I don’t agree. Figure out the paperwork. Get help to figure out the paperwork. But maybe I’m just very easily stressed out about this stuff.Fourth piece of advice: Try everything once and feel free to fail, quit and dislike. I don’t need to tell you that being and artist/illustrator isn’t a particular secure or straight forward path. You can only find yours if you figure out what works for you and what doesn’t. Don’t limit yourself to an idea of what you want to be doing. Chances are you don’t even quite know everything out there. Chances are you might not even like the realities of your dream job. E.g. I’ve come to the realization that I’m a good commercial artist but would make a shitty fine artist. I love freelance illustration but dislike the whole ‘artist as an entrepreneur’ thing. I don’t like Patreon. Streaming is bad for me and my process. Exhibiting in galleries is a waste of time for me. But I had to try that stuff out first, didn’t I? There are artists doing work in a similar vein as me who are successful doing just those things, but they are different people with different paths. Number five: Don’t write e-mails or make decisions when you feel super emotional.

Number six: Get all the sleep you need and take care of yourself. I don’t have to say that ‘making it’ (whatever that means) as an artist requires much hard work and discipline and so on. But. Your hard work is much better spent when your brain is actually capable of functioning. Spending less hours doing good work is better than grinding for days feeling listless and distracted, no? Think long term.  I know there’s somewhat of an expectation to have everything now and be young and successful and so on. But. No use being young and successful if you’re burnt out and unhappy. Your job isn’t you, art isn’t everything and the important part is that you’re okay. Take time to change and grow as a person. You know, all that stuff. I’m sure I’ll remember some seventh piece of advise which is of utmost important as soon as I post this.I mean there are also the classics: Make good work and show it to the right people. (It’s true! It’s this easy! Seriously, though. It’s good advice. I like it because sometimes the mind gets messy and you see other folks do great things and do shiny projects and such and then it’s nice to remember this and just keep your head down and do the work.)The whole ‘Finished, not perfect’ thing. It is also true. Don’t be effing precious with your work. You’re going to make a lot of it. Some will suck, some will be great. Some will just do the job and that’s fine. I mean, you should try for great, but realize it probably won’t happen. Most people won’t be as critical with your work as you are.Now I’m done, I think.Oh yes, ghost story. I don’t really read many of those. You’ll find I’m actually consuming very little horror related media. I have a favourite ghost story movie though, which is ‘The Devil’s Backbone’ (good old GDT!).I have no interesting folklore for you either! I recently went through an Arthurian Legends phase, mostly because it’s so fascinating how the whole thing is basically fanfiction of fanfiction and there might actually never have been canon. (At least non that is reliably preserved) So everything is kind of valid. (And it’s interesting to see when different characters and aspects started to pop up and how they changed and so on!)I hope that helps!

[monaedroid]

She rose to fame as an endlessly inventive pop android. Now, she's finally revealing the real person waiting inside

Janelle Monáe is crying in her spacesuit. It's early April in Atlanta, and she's in one of the basement studios of her Wondaland Records headquarters, surrounded by computer monitors and TV screens, one of them running a screensaver that displays images of her heroes: Prince, Martin Luther King Jr., Pam Grier, Tina Turner, Lupita Nyong'o, David Bowie. She's about to reveal, for the first time, something the world has long guessed, something her closest friends and family already know, something she's long been loath to say in public. As she sings on a song from her new album, Dirty Computer,"Let the rumors be true." Janelle Monáe is not, she finally admits, the immaculate android, the "alien from outer space/The cybergirl without a face" she's claimed to be over a decade's worth of albums, videos, concerts and even interviews – she is, instead, a flawed, messy, flesh-and-blood 32-year-old human being.

And she has another rumor to confirm. "Being a queer black woman in America," she says, taking a breath as she comes out, "someone who has been in relationships with both men and women – I consider myself to be a free-ass motherfucker." She initially identified as bisexual, she clarifies, "but then later I read about pansexuality and was like, ‘Oh, these are things that I identify with too.' I'm open to learning more about who I am."

It's a lovely spacesuit she's wearing, a form-fitting white NASA artifact complete with a commander patch on one arm and an American flag on the other. She's put it on for no reason at all – there are no cameras in sight – as she lounges around Wondaland. The outfit is a remnant, perhaps, of the android persona, known as Cindi Mayweather, that she fed us all these years: a messianic, revolutionary robot who fell in love with a human and vowed to free the rest of the androids.

Early in her career, Monáe was insecure about living up to impossible showbiz ideals; the persona, the androgynous outfits, the inflexible commitment to the storyline both on- and offstage, served in part as protective armor. "It had to do with the fear of being judged," she says. "All I saw was that I was supposed to look a certain way coming into this industry, and I felt like I [didn't] look like a stereotypical black female artist."

She is also a perfectionist, a tendency that's helped her career and hindered her emotional life; portraying a flawless automaton was also a bit of wish fulfillment. It's one of the many reasons she thought she had a "computer virus" that needed cleaning, which led her to years of therapy, starting before the 2010 release of her debut, The ArchAndroid. "I felt misunderstood," she says. "I was like, ‘Before I self-destruct, before I become a confused person in front of the world, let me seek some help.' I was afraid for anybody to see me not at the top of my game. That obsession was too much for me."

So she overcompensated, as she puts it, leaving fans to puzzle over the sight and sound of a dark-skinned, androgynously dressed black woman creating Afro-futuristic fantasias as trippy as the Parliament-Funkadelic soundscapes she grew up hearing. She became a pop anomaly, a sometimes incongruous interloper in the universes of her earliest supporters, Big Boi and Puff Daddy, the latter having signed her to a partnership with Bad Boy Records in 2008. The ArchAndroidwas a buzzy introduction, and 2013's Electric Lady – certainly the first progged-out concept album in the history of Bad Boy – established her as one of the 21st century's most inventive voices. Years before Frank Ocean, Solange, Beyoncé and SZA pushed arty, alternative R&B to the mainstream, Monáe was already there, bridging the gap between neo-soul and all that was to come, unafraid to fuse rock, funk, hip-hop (when she feels like it, as on her recent single "Django Jane," she's a top-flight rapper), R&B, electronica and campy, drama-kid theatricality.

She always ducked questions about her sexuality ("I only date androids" was a stock response) but embedded the real answers in her music. "If you listen to my albums, it's there," she says. She cites "Mushrooms & Roses" and "Q.U.E.E.N.," two songs that reference a character named Mary as an object of affection. In the 45-minute film accompanying Dirty Computer, "Mary Apple" is the name given to female "dirty computers" taken captive and stripped of their real names, one of whom is played by Tessa Thompson. (The actress has been rumored to be Monáe's girlfriend, though Monáe won't discuss her dating life.) The original title of "Q.U.E.E.N.," she notes, was "Q.U.E.E.R.," and you can still hear the word on the track's background harmonies.

Monáe is the CEO of her own label, a CoverGirl model and a movie star, appearing in the Oscar-winning Moonlight and the Oscar-nominated Hidden Figures, two hits led by black casts. In both films, she tackles black American stories that don't typically get the big-screen treatment. "Our stories are being erased, basically," she says of her attachment to those scripts, which made her "want to tell my story." Monáe does worry that the human behind her masks may not be enough. She has asked aloud, including in therapy, "What if people don't think I'm as interesting as Cindi Mayweather?" She'll miss the freedom of being the android. "I created her, so I got to make her be whatever I wanted her to be. I didn't have to talk about the Janelle Monáe who was in therapy. It's Cindi Mayweather. She is who I aspire to be." On Dirty Computer, the only hints of sci-fi are in the title and the storyline of the accompanying film. The lyrics are flesh-and-blood confessions of both physical and emotional insecurity, punctuated with sexual liberation. They're the unfiltered desires of an overthinker letting herself speak without pause, for once. And she wants to help listeners gain the courage to be dirty computers too. "I want young girls, young boys, nonbinary, gay, straight, queer people who are having a hard time dealing with their sexuality, dealing with feeling ostracized or bullied for just being their unique selves, to know that I see you," she says in a tone befitting the commander patch on her arm. "This album is for you. Be proud."

Monáe grew up in a massive, devoutly Baptist family in Kansas City, Kansas, or as she likes to put it, "I got 50 first cousins!" Not all of them know details of her romantic life, but they have almost certainly seen her wear sheer pants and share a lollipop with Thompson in the "Make Me Feel" video. "I literally do not have time," she says, laughing, "to hold a town-hall meeting with my big-ass family and be like, ‘Hey, news flash!' " She worries that when we visit Kansas City tomorrow, they'll bring it up: "There are people in my life that love me and they have questions, and I guess when I get there, I'll have to answer those questions."

Over the years, she's heard some members of her family, mostly distant ones, say certain upsetting things. "A lot of this album," she says, "is a reaction to the sting of what it means to hear people in my family say, ‘All gay people are going to hell.' "

She began questioning the Bible and her family's Baptist faith early on. Now, she says, "I serve the God of love" – love, she's determined, is the common factor among all religions, an idea Stevie Wonder expanded on in a Dirty Computer interlude.

When we arrive in the flat, industrial Kansas side of Kansas City, her family doesn't actually have any questions – or anything unkind to say, for that matter. There's just a whole lot of love for their homegrown superstar.

Janelle Monáe Robinson was born here on December 1st, 1985, to a mom who worked as a janitor and a dad who was in the middle of a 21-year battle with crack addiction. Her parents separated when Monáe was less than a year old, and her mother later married the father of Janelle's younger sister, Kimmy.

Monáe's loving warnings about the sheer size of her family ring true as soon as we step into her old neighborhood. On one street, her maternal grandmother owned several homes in a row that housed cousins, aunts, uncles and Monáe herself. A few minutes away is her paternal great-grandmother's pastel-coated house. Monáe spent a significant portion of her time there – it was her main connection to her dad and his family as he went in and out of prison; their relationship was rocky until he got sober 13 years ago. Another short car ride away is her maternal Aunt Glo's home, where we meet her mom. "She's my favorite slice of pie," her Auntie Fats says, referring to Monáe's familial nickname of "pun'kin."

Monáe was raised in a working-class community called Quindaro. It started as a settlement established by Native Americans and abolitionists just prior to the Civil War, and became a refuge for black Americans escaping slavery via the Underground Railroad. A few weeks before our visit, vandals painted swastikas and "Hail Satan" on a statue of abolitionist John Brown in the neighborhood. It's since been repainted. "I know nobody in this neighborhood did that," her great-grandmother says, shaking her head. "Outsiders."

On the Missouri side of the bridge, Kansas City is predominately white, but Monáe's community is overwhelmingly black. "I would read about where I was from," she says, "and understand who's really disadvantaged coming from these environments. It sucks. It's like that for brown folks." It's hard to miss her family's religiosity – they hardly get a sentence out without a mention of God's blessings. At 91, Monáe's great-grandma still monitors the halls at the local vacation Bible school with a switch in hand. During our visit, she sits behind a piano to lead a gospel singalong. Monáe, beside an aunt and a cousin, joins in, belting "Call Him Up and Tell Him What You Want" and "Savior, Do Not Pass Me By."

Monáe is never more relaxed during our time together than when she's in Kansas City. Her Midwestern drawl comes back as she screams and sings while running into the arms of her cousins, aunts and uncles, many of whom she gets to see only during the holidays or tour stops nearby. At one point, she curls up into her mom's lap while they look at a homemade poster full of sepia-toned childhood pics. "She was a delightful baby," Auntie Fats recalls.

Monáe's family members all share different versions of the same story: She was born to be a star, and she made that clear as soon as she gained motor skills. There was that time she got escorted out of church for insisting on singing Michael Jackson's "Beat It" in the middle of the service. There were the talent shows for Juneteenth where she covered "The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill" three years in a row and won each time. She was the star of the school musicals, except for The Wiz her senior year, when she lost the role of Dorothy because she had to leave the audition early to pick up her mom at work. She's still a bit miffed about not getting that part.

Monáe soon passed a bigger audition, for the American Musical and Dramatic Academy, and headed to New York. She studied musical theater and shared a small apartment with a cousin where she didn't even have a bed to herself. When she wasn't in class, she was working.

Meanwhile, an old friend was having the college experience Monáe desired, in Atlanta, so she relocated. The rest is well-trod history in the myth-building of Monáe: She was an Afro'd neo-soul singer strumming her guitar on college quads and working at Office Depot. She was fired from that job for using one of the company's computers to respond to a fan's e-mail, an incident that inspired the song "Lettin' Go."

That song caught the attention of Big Boi, who put her on Outkast's Idlewild and helped connect her with Sean Combs. "I'm-a be honest with you," her dad says, recalling an invite to one of Monáe's shows in Atlanta, where Combs was supposed to be in the house. "I was like, ‘Yeah, right.' I didn't think Puff Daddy was coming."

Skepticism aside, Michael Robinson was proud of the invite. He'd recently gotten sober, and the two were repairing their relationship. He spent much of Janelle's childhood hearing about her immense talents from the more-present members of their family. He was honored that they had come far enough for Monáe to want him to be there for such an important concert. But he still didn't believe Puffy would be there.

"I go down there with my two cousins, and she says, ‘Dad, everyone's gonna know you're not from here. Your jeans are creased.' " Fashion faux pas aside – he insists he hasn't creased his jeans since – Robinson was in for a pleasant surprise when one of his cousins spotted Combs and Big Boi in the back. It was the beginning of his daughter's new life, and he was just in time to be along for the journey. "I remember thinking, ‘This is what the big time is like,' " he muses. "They had all the cameras, all the lights. It was all about Janelle."

Wondaland Arts Society's headquarters feels like a utopian synthesis of Monáe's past lives in Kansas City and Manhattan. It sits inconspicuously in the midst of suburban Atlanta and looks like every other neighborhood home, with its two floors and brick exterior. Inside is much more ostentatious, with vintage clocks wallpapering the foyer, pristine white couches in the communal living spaces, and books and records everywhere.

It mimics the close-knit, constant accessibility of her childhood in Kansas City, with all its artists popping in and out of the space throughout each day to record new music, rehearse for shows and present the final product to the rest of the collective. At one point, the singer-rapper Jidenna shows up, having recently returned from a trip to Africa – everyone immediately starts teasing him about his newly buff physique.

Simultaneously, Chuck Lightning, seemingly the more extroverted half of two-man funk act Deep Cotton, who make their own music as well as work with Monáe, grabs a bowl of quinoa from the kitchen as Monáe doles out decisions on which version of the "Pynk" video will be released (they settle on the one without the spoken-word love poem that appears within the song in the film).

Monáe recorded most of Dirty Computer here, in a small studio with Havana-inspired decor. Guests and collaborators ranged from Grimes to Brian Wilson, who added harmonies to the title track. The album's liner notes cite Bible verses and a recent Quincy Jones interview alongside Monica Sjöö's The Great Cosmic Mother and Ryan Coogler's Black Panther.

But she was particularly close to one inspiration. Monáe was good friends with Prince, who personally blessed the album's glossy camp tone and synthed-out hooks. "When Prince heard this particular direction, he was like, ‘That's what y'all need to be doing,' " Lightning says. "He picked out that sound as what was resonating with him." Prince gave highly specific music and equipment recommendations from the era they were drawing on, including Gary Numan, whom he loved. "The most powerful thing he could do was give us the brushes to paint with," Lightning says.

Rumors spread that Prince co-wrote the single "Make Me Feel," which features a "Kiss"-like guitar riff. "Prince did not write that song," says Monáe, who sorely missed his advice during the production process. "It was very difficult writing this album without him." Prince was the first person to get a physical copy of The ArchAndroid – she presented the CD to him with a flower and the titles written out by hand. "As we were writing songs, I was like, ‘What would Prince think?' And I could not call him. It's a difficult thing to lose your mentor in the middle of a journey they had been a part of."

Stevie Wonder was another early fan of Monáe, and a conversation between them – Wonder insisted she record it – appears as an interlude on Dirty Computer. At one point, years ago, her budding friendships with both legends collided: She had to choose between playing with Prince at Madison Square Garden or with Wonder in Los Angeles. Prince encouraged her to pick Stevie.

On election night in 2016, Monáe found herself experiencing an unfamiliar emotion. "For the first time," she says, "I felt scared." Overnight, she went from living in a country whose president loved her music and had her perform on the White House lawn to one where it felt like her right to exist was threatened. "I felt like if I wake up tomorrow," she says, "are people going to feel they have the right to just, like, kill me now?"

Monáe had already been a committed activist. In 2015, with members of Wondaland, she created "Hell You Talmbout," which demands we say the names of black Americans who have been victims of racial violence and police brutality. Before #MeToo and Time's Up, Monáe created an organization, Fem the Future, which stemmed from her frustrations about opportunities for women in the music industry. She was called on to perform at the 2017 Women's March and to speak about Time's Up while introducing Kesha at the Grammys. "We come in peace, but we mean business," she told the cheering crowd.

That sums up Monáe's mindset in the Trump era. She hopes not to destroy the oppressors but to change their minds. "The conversations might not happen with people in the position of power," she says, "but they can happen through a movie, they can happen through a song, they can happen through an album, they can happen through a speech on TV. Most of them will probably turn off their TVs, but . . ."

She's in a New York hotel now, two weeks before the album's release. "There's some anxiety there, but I feel brave," she says, teetering between her typical sternness and a bit of vulnerable shakiness. No tears will be shed today. "My musical heroes did not make the sacrifices they did for me to live in fear." Her activism isn't the focus of Dirty Computer, but it's there, hovering above every note. She ended band rehearsal in Atlanta by asking the musicians to reflect on how American this album is. Monáe's America is the one on the fringes; it accepts the outsiders and the computers with viruses, like the ones she thought she had.

She understands the significance of now making her personal life a bigger, louder part of her art. She cites the conversation around one of her films as an example of how she might use her own story to engage with more-conservative listeners. "When I did Hidden Figures, there were some Republican white men tweeting about it and how they just felt bad. You could feel through their tweets that they were just like, ‘These black women did help us get to space. How could we treat them like that?' "

Meanwhile, she's again anticipating questions from her family back in Kansas. She seems more worried about them than what anyone else has to say. Still, Dirty Computer is meant to be a celebration, and if she loses a few people along the way, Monáe seems OK with that risk.

"Through my experiences, I hope people are seen and heard," she says, sitting at a hotel-room desk, dressed up from a day of promo in a puffy black-and-red jacket, matching red pants and terry-cloth hotel slippers. "I may make some mistakes. I may have to learn on the go, but I'm open to this journey." She sighs, voice confident and stare unfaltering. "I need to go through this. We need to go through this. Together. I'm going to make you empathize with dirty computers all around the world."

https://www.rollingstone.com/music/features/cover-story-janelle-monae-prince-new-lp-her-sexuality-w519523