#people will come to me like I am a vet about their dogs health issues and I'll be like ??????? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

91vaults · 8 months

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What sparked your last breakup and what has got you hung up about it?

Ok I'm sorry but this is gonna be long.

breakup comes literately out of nowhere, one of those "i cant be in a relationship right now" things, ( ill call her Dianne ) had a rather blaze attitude to mental health where you just have your coping mechanisms and power through, except (and this is just my perspective on what happened) the coping mechanisms stopped working and I think they freaked out and quote " I can't be the girlfriend you deserve" and "I have to let you go". things had always been very cruisy ...so it was odd that the second she felt she had to address some MH issues she just decided it was best to cut and run? that doesn't usually happen like that. Everyone I spoke too after the fact was as confused as I was...even the psychologist I was seeing at the time was like "wut?"

I said I would support them through it but no....and it was very much framed in terms of ME and what I needed...which was a bit of a mind fuck because for someone to do that and then just not listen when you try and say otherwise is...a well meaning but kind of cruel thing to do, Dianne had a habit of making assumptions and running with them...and it felt like they got this notion the night before that I was better off regardless of how I actually felt

They got really fixated on the idea of my "next girlfriend" and it would all be ok because the "next girlfriend" would retroactively fix everything. And then proceeded to tell me about what my next girlfriend should be like...superficial shit I didn't care about. It also deeply hurt me that she told me I should be with someone into fashion and tattoo's and such like me, which made me feel like it was going to be an issue with every person I dated and just completely ignores what I actually value in a partner.

Imagine your at the vet and your dog is getting put down and as the vet is putting in the needle they say "yeah look this dog isn't the right dog for you, your NEXT dog is gonna be great. You should get a terrier...you're more of a terrier person" like holy shit let me just deal with whats happening right now.

I know she's someone who moves on from things very quickly and I don't think they actually understand how people work sometimes (I also don't think she's been on the receiving end of a major breakup) , so she might have just assumed I'd be like her and be sad about for like 4 weeks and get straight on the apps.

I had no Idea things had gotten to that point...and they never spoke to me about ANYTHING. So instead of being able to work on things (eg: her anxiety about money and me liking to buy things..perhaps too much) they just decided nope, I don't want to hold you back from the things you like...referencing past conversations and I just couldn't tell her otherwise.

What was so awful she was trying to spare me from? supporting and compromising are normal things even if it doesn't work out. Nothing could have been worse than those months after..I'm still a bit fucked up inside and it might take a year from the date of breakup for me to get past that.

We met up when I felt the time was right, 5 months (possibly earlier) she apparently felt better and was back on the apps...had gone on a visit to her home country and was on the apps there...and that's ok I knew that would be the case, but I wouldn't be human if it didn't cut me a little. She hadn't been for years and I think it made her want to go back and work there...which I am happy for her, maybe I was holding her back in that way, but it also hurts. I'm too that things didn't always align. Before COVID she had intended to move to Melbourne, but circumstances changed and she bought s house here..seemed she wanted to settle down. I felt lucky, but also had often had thoughts of wanting to move there. Now she wants to move to where she grew up in and do all these cool things (like go to pride in taiwan later in the year) and I feel like there's too much to give up if I moved, especially because I feel I'm finally finding my feet, I'm happy here but this is a small city, if she leaves then do all the people I'd want to be with leave? is this not the place for them? will I never find somone? we all get those thoughts of "am I too scared to be bold"?

Don't get me wrong, I am someone who takes things very hard. a breakup would have been devastating either way but this is worse. If it had been because she felt there were irrevocable differences then I could understand that (and there may have been) if it was because she wanted to go back to where she grew up then I would understand that. if our plans didn't align then I would understand that. But this? it haunts me to think that it only happened because she decided on my behalf. Like I was an exotic bird that needed to be let out of its cage instead of a person. It haunts me to think that if I had said "Hey I deserve better than this lets at least talk about it" then at the very least I would have understood better

I am genuinely happy for the most part, and I genuinely don't want to get back on the apps. But true at the same time I'm a bit fucked up when it comes to the idea of dating because for part of me to not date is to exercise agency because I had it all stripped away.

and I guess that's the thing, its the way it happened and it's partially the why. It's essentially the absolute worst way to be broken up with.

They didn't do me a favor. The fact is sometimes stuff happens and it sucks. Sometimes it sucks more for one person than the other, and sometimes things suck for a little while before they get better (like dating, that can really fucking suck sometimes) and that's OK and to try and spin it and insist it's all gonna be better and great right after the fact just hurts. The previous relationship doesn't have to be worse for the next one to be good

We are still friends (I took a break and waited until the time was right to initiate contact) , and the friendship feels right and when we're together I'm not upset (maybe a little pang when they mention dating but that's normal) it's only when I'm alone and having the conversation in my head do I spiral a bit . They haven't really talked about or acknowledged anything...but that's a very Dianne thing to do.

But the good thing is once the time is right we can have that conversation, and once that hanging thread is delt with then I'll be able to shut the door on the matter (hopefully depending on how the convo goes).

#lesbian #relationships #breakup #lesbian relationships #lgbt #lgbt relationship

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highdefinitions · 2 years

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Tag Game To Better Know You!

Send this to people you'd like to know better!

thanks for the tags @shutupdevvie <:3

What book are you currently reading?

i don't know why i've done this but right now i'm reading like...three books at once. i'm not sure why because i never do this but for some reason it's become this but ANYWHO i'm reading summer of night by dan simmons (enjoying very much ! i love a good horror novel), the american roommate experiment by elena armas (i never do not finish a but but i might dnf this one i don't think it's really for me), and don't let the cold in by kelly parrack (i love ya mystery/thriller novels i don't know why but they are so special)

What do you usually wear?

it depends how i'm feeling...sometimes i am a sweatpants girl all the time, sometimes i'm a jeans girl all the time. recently i've really been rocking the jeans and since it's colder i like to layer stuff. i try to keep it somewhat casual idk. just got docs for christmas so i've been wearing those a lot but usually i'm a high top converse girl those are my ride or die shoes

How tall are you?

...i'm 5'3. my license says 5'2, but i think i'm 5'3...small

What's your star sign? Do you share a birthday with a celebrity or historical event?

i'm a scorpio !! i just learned that i share a bday with a twitch streamer i've recently started to really love so that's cool and fun (jubby nation !!)

Do you go by your name or a nickname?

uhhh well...about that...percy isn't my real name OMG SHOCKER!! but i don't mind nicknames for it btw...as for in real life and what people call me...sort of. my real name has a nickname for it but i'm not the biggest fan of it and for some reason only certain people can call me it and get away with it

Did you grow up to become what you wanted to be as a child?

uh no. maybe also sort of yes. when i was a kid, i wanted to be a vet and i started to go to school for that but then i was like THIS SUCKS LOL and i was having a lot of mental health issues pertaining to being in those classes so i said FUCK THIS and changed my major (which is totally valid for anyone to do btw i know it's hard as fuck though to get over the mental hill of that) but i do sort of run like a side hustle dogsitting and i also do some work on a farm so i still get to work with animals :)

What is something you’re good as vs. something you’re bad at?

i'm good at...being obsessed with things. IDK FUCK!! i guess i'm good at escape rooms (ohhh my goddd that sounds so lame but i am) and i'm really bad at like...everything else. i have such a hard time staying on task and managing my time properly

If you draw/write, or create in any way, what's your favorite picture/favorite line/favorite etc. from something you created this year?

you know i think i have a lot of favorite lines that i will fawn over (at least one probably in everything i write) because i try to get like one REALLY GOOD one in there but i think all time, the one that takes the motherfucking cake, is that line from closest to heaven. you know what i'm talking about. the one where josh says "I'm not a particularly religious person, but I do sometimes think that something divine had a hand in creating you." yeah that one. that one might be my favorite.

Dogs or cats?

i used to be anti-cat but then i GREW TF UP!!! come on people. i want both. i've never had a cat before but i definitely plan on getting one in the future. they're so silly and fun. i've always had dogs though, so i don't think i'd be able to go without those either. my dog is my bff <3

What's something you would like to create content for?

i think i have a lot of ideas for things and i will occasionally write things (that will never see the light of day) for what i'm interested in. i think the whole lore for the band ghost is so cool (even though tobias sometimes does make it the most ridiculous thing Ever). that's just an example by the way, i just think anything really Lore Heavy is so awesome and could be so fun to explore and write stuff for because there's So Much There, you know? i could probably talk all about that for a really long time but i will spare you

What’s something you’re currently obsessed with?

oh geez. i am always obsessed with something. recently i've been very into the group chat (isaacwhy, softwilly, yumi, bigt, larry, and grunk). i think they're some silly funny guys. also been pretty into cartoons again which is fun to try and attempt to heal my inner child. always obsessed with dr. pepper and music. been really really enjoying the new boygenius record. if you want to see more stuff i'm into, i would check the caard i have in my navigation post. i'm always forgetting something.

What's something you were excited about that turned out to be disappointing this year?

there was definitely something !! there definitely was !! i just cannot for the life of me remember it ?? maybe i guess the like little two week vacation i went on during the summer ?? i knew it probably wasn't going to be the best time of my life considering some stuff that happened the year before but i still really like the daytime stuff we do, the shit at night bums me out (this probably doesn't make sense to you unless you're dev and you know the whole story but explaining the entire story to all of you would probably be longer than any fic i've ever written so)

What’s a hidden talent of yours?

i'm going to give a bullshit cop out answer and say writing because no one really knows that i'm Okay at it sometimes

What's something you wish to have at this moment?

time and motivation to WRITE goddamn seasonal affective disorder is kicking me in the teeth

literally the only person i will tag is @gretagolden but if you would like to feel free to do it also !!

#i missed tag games #need to do more of these i miss our silly chats in my silly inbox

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luna-helps-writing · 3 years

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Any chance you could do a lotr/Hobbit match up for me please?

I'm 5'11 So on the taller end of the spectrum for a cis woman. I would like to say I'm curvy as I have been blessed with a decent sized chest and bum though I do have a bit of a tummy and dip hips. My hair is a mousey brown with with green dye at the tips which comes down to my lower back. My eyes are almost black in colour which is strange for my family.

I wouldn't necessarily class myself as strong, I can't do a pushups but people do turn to me to open jars and bottles over everyone else. I'm strong enough to restrain people which is the tactic I go to if I have to step into a fight. As my grandfather always said don't start a fight but always finish one. My true passions are history and animals I can talk about them endlessly and am full to the brim of random useless facts. I have some basic knowledge that might be useful on the quest. My sister is a 3rd generation medical practitioner so I do have some first aid knowledge that I've picked up growing up and I briefly worked in a vets and got to watch some operations so I think I could suture if I needed to. I've trekked through a rainforest so I also know some wilderness camping tips and tricks so if I ever got to partake in a quest I think I could manage. I also am a proficient swimmer and have training in lifeguarding and general water survival (always take your shoes and socks off while swimming!).

I do have some health issues which occasionally flare up and I feel like I'm one of the clumsiest people on the planet. I do care deeply about people and I desperately want everyone to like me or at least find me useful to keep around. I feel like I am most myself with my dog as there is no pressure to be anyone but me. As a result I do have people anxiety so crowded areas are a big no go for me. Despite the anxiety I am a bit of an adrenaline junkie having skydived, ziplined, hotcoal walked and I love theme parks. Rollercoasters are my happy place away from my pets. Oh and I love the theatre, you can catch me singing along to musicals in my spare time.

Sorry for rambling I hope you enjoyed the deep dive into me as a person.

Thank you for your request! And I don’t mind the rambling, really! It gives me a better idea of who to match you with, so thank you for that!

For the Hobbit, I ship you with Fili!

• He LOVES your hair. I cannot stress this enough? The dye, he loves it. He is absolutely amazed by it. Might want to do it himself too. He can play with it for hours without ever growing tired. He likes it in a ponytail, braid, bun or just loose. Anything really. He just loves the general look on you.

• Loves your whole attitude of “don’t start a fight, but finish one”. He might be a bit impulsive himself, so perhaps he’ll jump in too, even though he is aware of the fact that you can handle yourself. He just wants you to know that he’s there for you no matter what.

• Please, for the love of all good, teach him some survival hacks, because he and his brother and walking catastrophes. They carry chaos - no - they are the embodiment of chaos. They need those tips or there will be heavy consequences. Please, safe them because they need it.

•Will get you out of overwhelming situations. He’ll just reassure you and do something fun with you that doesn’t involve...people. Like acting out musicals, because he is so obviously a theater kid. I think he would be a sucker for the classics songs such as Suddenly Seymour, Phantom of the Opera or My Favorite Things.

For Lord of The Rings, I ship you with Aragorn!

• He knows a lot about animals too, but your history remains unknown to him. He would love to learn about it! As a ranger, he doesn’t really get history lessons, despite his heavy lineage. He wants you to tell him about your favorite history subject and don’t hold back on him. Obviously, you won’t, as he seems to love it just as much as you do.

• You share a lot of information based on survival and medical stuff together. Both of you know a good amount, but not enough to be completely on your own. Sharing both of your knowledges, honestly makes a great duo. Issues? Not with you, there’s not.

• When you told him about the one time you went skydiving, he thought you were insane. No person with a right frame of mind would jump from the sky. It wasn’t until you explained that you’re ere completely secured, that he understood. Even though Aragorn is Aragorn and he’s a bad bitch, he will never do it. Ever. I do think he’d love rollercoaster in a modern au.

• Random useless facts? He’s obsessed. Teach him please. You’ll go for walks at times and sometimes you’ll mention some facts. He loves them and wants to hear more. He’s afraid to ask though, but eventually you’ll find out yourself. He finds it fascinating how you find a way to storage all that useless information.

I hope you liked it! Stay safe during these times please❤️

#self insert quotes #requests closed #requests #my asks #match up #aragorn x reader #fili x reader

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thejosh1980 · 3 years

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Little Wing

(Trigger warning: animal/pet death)

Today, right now, I am sat at the spot where Mijo felt his last sunrise, just 24 hours ago.

He was 28 weeks old, he spent 20 of those weeks with me, and my family. He was my family. He was thrust upon me by my wife and mum, who knew Mijo would be the kind of birthday present I'd want, but could never ask for.

When he arrived he was unexpected. Straight from the car, into my bedroom, onto my lap, what a surprise, it was love at first sight. Those eyes, that tail, that round belly, the fur, I was all in. I had to say goodbye to 4 beautiful pets whom I loved dearly when I left Germany, so then and there I made a quiet, whisper promise to Mijo;

“I'll never ever leave you”...

We began like any other Daddy and cat story, playing, eating, talking to each other. We may have made a few messes on the bed learning to potty train, but I couldn't really fault him, he was perfect. He loved cuddles, got under our feet all the time, talked to us a lot and wanted to be a part of everything happening around the house.

He meowed very loudly too. Sometimes he'd meow from the next room sounding lost and worried. That's when I started to realized something was very different about him. It took about 2 weeks, but then I realized, he was totally deaf!!!! No vacuum cleaner, loud bangs, claps, or door slams could get his attention. When he meowed loudly, it was either because he had to, to feel himself meowing in his head, or he was missing us and could smell us, but not hear us in the next room. I had never had a cat who couldn't hear me call their name, so this was going to be a challenge.

Mijo accepted that challenge...

In a short time I figured out how to clicker train him, using a torch. I love training cats. Most folks think it's impossible, but I've taught cats to fetch, sit and come on command in the past.... So, pretty soon I had him jumping up, over and across chairs and tables on cue. I also learnt a way to “call” him; assuming he could see me, if I knelt down and tapped my leg, he'd come a running. Every time. We had it all figured out.

Grab a harness and a lead, and off we go, walking around the garden. This wasn't a cat, this was a dog. He had very little fear, I mean, he couldn't even hear the birds making a racket or the car driving by or the dog barking next door. He was fixated on me.

I bought him a blow up boat, to use in the pool, to help him get used to floating on water. It was a huge boat for his little size, but he'd hop in, and I'd “treat” him while he got used to the motion. The plan was to build him up to a real boat, or canoe or SUP. I could imagine him walking on water.

He was also great with other cats, so I could take him to visit his cousin and they'd play all day (if we'd let them). He'd come with me to visit other family and then... well, then the real adventures started. Mijo and I could go to the river, the park and the beach. We also went for coffee at the busiest part in the local village, and he took it all in his stride. We took bike rides too, as he sat in a special backpack I had for him. I could hold him while skateboarding or put him on my shoulder as I walked around. He was chill, happy to see and smell his silent world.

When Alex or I came home, and he'd be in the bedroom snoozing or gazing out the window, we could come in, take off our shoes, put our stuff down, maybe run to the loo, then we could snuggle up with him, cause he hadn't heard us arrive. He would just be waiting... He'd just wait for someone to step close enough, blow on his ear, feel a vibration and then he'd meow a big BIG hello, purr and snuggle. He was a no pressure cat... But always ready for hugs and pats.

Besides being deaf, he just didn't seem like any other cat I'd had or even met...

But isn't the way it is with all pets? They're all unique.

He loved Alex. He always had a hard decision between my lap and hers, or sleeping close to one or the other. We had a son to take care of, to love and to enjoy. At the beginning, Alex wasn't sure about having a cat, she'd pretty much always been a dog person, but it didn't take long for Mijo to wrap her around his little paw. She was hooked.

We thought he was going to be grow up to become a big boy. You know, Maine Coon sized 5-6 or maybe 7 kilo. We had high hopes for a dog-like cat, big enough to take on the world. We wanted to show him the world too.

After he had his snip (desexing) in mid March, he wasn't very well, and it really traumatized all of us, we just weren't sure why he took it so badly. He was in a lot of pain, even though the operation itself was quick and really good, with no issues. He would spend the day, in his “bread loaf” position, with his nose to the ground. It was like he was conserving all his energy for when we came home or wanted his attention.

Eventually, after a few weeks he bounced back, back to being his usual self, for a while. He actually lost a lot of fur during this time, most likely due to a reaction to the antibiotics and pain killers. Where his collar and harness were, he lost all his hair. It only took a few days, a bit too quick to realize what was going on, he rarely wore the collar or harness after that. It meant we sometimes lost him in the house without his bell on to tell which room he was in, so I'd be running around turning on and off the lights to get his attention and a meow.

It was our fun game of “Mijo Polo”.

We had noticed he wasn't eating as much, and he wasn't as playful. In fact, all his toys were being ignored, and he rarely chased anything we teased him with. When we took him for playtime with his cousin, he wouldn't last as long play fighting. Something was up, we thought he'd bounce back by now.

Overall, he was a very chilled cat, having just had an operation and now with, ringworm, a tooth problem (one adult tooth was causing him problems and needed to be pulled) maybe that was why he wasn't too interested in food. Surely it wasn't bacteria, an infection or a virus in his blood.

In early May, Mijo developed ringworm, which, by the way, isn't a worm but rather a fungal infection. The vet already had us on anti fungal cream day and night. It's very unusual to get ringworm; it's all around us, but a strong immune system, actually, a decent immune system, would fight off any infection naturally. Cats generally just lick it all off their fur. Humans sometimes get it, from a scratch or a wound. It's in the soil, it's in the air.

When we got the treatment for the ringworm, we also gave him an appetite stimulant, to encourage him to eat, but it made little difference. As nothing changed, we went back to the vet a few days later, and did a hypothyroidism test; the results were borderline.

What could be going on?

At the time of his desexing operation, he was 1.7 kilos, a week later he was down to 1.5 and eventually 1.45 kilo. His body was growing a little, but his muscle and fat wasn't.

We talked to the vet and decided, even though his ringworm was infectious, the tooth had to go, sooner rather than later. It seemed logical that it was his biggest barrier to fulfilling his dietary requirements and his well being. We wanted him fattening up, growing up, and being his usual self again, ASAP. We needed to get him back on track towards good health, enough was enough.

On Monday 17th May I dropped the little guy off at the vet for the day. A check up and a tooth pull.

Before any cat gets an anesthetic, they run a simple blood test to determine if the cat is well enough. During the day we got a call that the operation couldn't happen, and that he'd have to stay in over night or longer, with meds to help him, because his red cell blood count was low. 10%. Most cats need around 40%, if there's any complication with the tooth pull, his blood may not clot.

It's official, he was very unwell.

I was at school when I got the news. I was in shock. Our little boy was that unwell? But he does eat (a little), he does walk on the lead with me, he's eating his treats... was he that unwell?

Suddenly we had to decide on some expensive tests to figure out what was wrong with him. I mean, the red blood cells were being eaten up by the white ones, but why?? We arranged the suggested tests and they kept him in over night.

I was very distraught. How can my little guy be so unwell yet behave well? With that blood count, he shouldn't be able to walk, he should be so lethargic that he can't keep his head up!! He should be in a coma.

All in all, theoretically, he should be dead.

So was it dwarfism, hypothyroidism, mycoplasma??? And and and?? Tests... Blood being taken.. Our boy in the vet over night, alone, worried, scared??? Will he make it through the night? I didn't sleep well...

On Tuesday afternoon the vet let us bring him home. His blood level was down to 9.1%. The idea was that, at least at home he'd have cuddles and love, and that might help his immune system. He was lethargic but not completely terrible. I would need to bring him in on Wednesday for another blood test, to see how he was doing.

On Wednesday, it didn't go well, Mijo had gone from 9 to 8.1% blood level. It was now becoming almost impossible to get any blood out of him. I saw how difficult it was 2 weeks earlier when he had the hypothyroid test, they had to try on both legs and his neck to get a half mil of blood! He was a champ and barely complained. But now, I couldn't imagine the pain he went through with even less blood.

He's been that sick for how long?? Why hadn't we noticed?

We were panicking.

The vet suggested we meet with a mature, more experienced doc, on Thursday. We should be able to figure something out, we had to. Each day = less blood = more chance of...

Well, I am a hopeful guy. I realize, I live on hope. I spent years hoping certain people in my life would change, or love me in a way that I feel some love. I always hope things will change for the better. I don't know why, but it's ingrained in me to feel hopelessness or hope... I think I'm never in the middle... or is that called acceptance? OK, maybe I do feel that too, eventually... But it takes a long long time...

I have videos of Mijo on Thursday 20th, he's cleaning himself in the sun, meowing and purring, happy to see me, walking around the garden with me. Full of life and adventure.

At lunch time, Mijo and I go to the vet. He is his usual cute self, always curious at the vets, and now there's a the new guy he's meeting, what an adventure.

Before he opens the cat box he said something along the lines of “Well, because his blood levels are so low, today is really about deciding if he goes to heaven or not...” I'm not sure, but I know I heard words like “heaven” and “euthanasia” early on in the consultation. Shock was setting in. I barely heard anything else he said, luckily we had Alex on the speaker phone.

Turns out, not only is our little guy deaf, he's an anomaly.

Any cat with 8.1% should be comatose. They should barely be able to walk. They certainly can't pee or poo without help and don't drink or eat much. Mijo came out of his box and sniffed around, was alert and ready to meet the new guy!!

The vet was stumped. He had never seen this before, in over 30 years...

We didn't know he was so sick, because, he was, overall, a well behaved cat. His weight he lost, sure, but he was now at least stable. He was eating, it just took a lot of creativity sometimes to spark his interest (mostly warming up meals and giving him treats).

The vet tried to explain to me, but I'm sure Alex on the phone understood it clearly, that we had very little time, well, no time. We had 3 choices that day. Go to a specialist an hour's drive away, give Mijo steroids and hope he had mycoplasma or Immune mediated hemolytic anemia (IMHA) or, lastly, euthanasia.

Wait???? What does that even mean??

The specialist would give him a blood transfusion, and some special custom drugs which should help him. The vet said it could cost in the 10s of thousands, and may help Mijo for a few weeks, but it's not a solution that we are sure would be long term or not.

Giving Mijo steroids would give him a fighting chance, or not... Basically it could cure or kill him. Because we aren't sure what is the cause of the low blood count, it could be IMHA, mycoplasma or something else, but it's a best educated guess at this rate. If it is the wrong choice, he may die quicker than expected.

Euthanasia, no explanation needed.

We decided on steroids. According to the vet, there was a 50/50 chance it would work. If the cause of the blood cells killing off each other was for or against steroids, we'd know soon enough. Still shocked I tried to understand it all. I'm so grateful Alex was on the line and knows this stuff through experience and study.

The idea of taking Mijo an hour's drive north to the specialist, to a cubicle, a place where we may not be with him 24/7, on the off chance that he wouldn't make it and die alone, we couldn't fathom that.

Mijo took the steroid injection like a champ, he always did injections well. He was given some antibiotics to also help. The vet said, that by Saturday we'll know if it was the right decision. We'd know if he would be getting better...

It was decided that on Monday 24th we'd go back in for a blood test to actually see if the steroids were working (cause apparently one can't really tell with Mijo's behavior, the cheeky monkey).

Mijo and I came home, and well, he ate, he was purring, sitting on my lap. The usual deal. When I went out to get the washing in, he tried to go out too, something we, as parents, have been very protective about. He doesn't go out alone, he doesn't go out without a lead or a bell. He's not an easy cat to find if he runs off, not that he has ever tried. He deaf, he can't hear cars or other dangers out there.

I promised him I'd take him out to that side of the house/garden that afternoon...

So we did, we went out, we sat down, he explored. He was well, good, better, best. He was my boy. He trusted me, I trusted him. I'm always amazed how well he walks by my side, like a dog, with loose leash... Taking my steps as cues when to walk, and when to stop.

We also met the neighbor's dog, which was a first, both were not really interested in each other... But still, Mijo knew there's a lot to live for...

Overnight he went great... Woke up with him on my chest relaxing waiting for me to get up and feed him, luckily I have a wife who had to get up for work at that moment. I remember she sang him a lullaby and held him like a baby. It was really sweet to see how much love they had for each other. Rock-a-bye Mijo...

We wanted to him feel as much love as we could. We felt that, if the steroids and antibiotics were doing their part, and we did ours, there's nothing he can't beat. And he sure felt the love...

I held him while doing some singing exercises, close to my chest. It was something we hadn't done before, and he purred. He'd look up and meow every time I stopped making vibrations. He felt it, I felt it, it was a connection.

We spent a lot of time, reading, relaxing and sitting on laps. Alex and I cuddled him, told him we loved him. He was really fighting. He was eating. He was a little more playful than in recent weeks. He wanted to live. We could feel it...

He went from eating half a packet to 1.5 packets a day, plus dry food. He always wanted treats, and I was always glad to oblige.

By Saturday he was wonder cat! Kneading... Purring... Chasing toys... Eager to hang out...

We'd overcome the problem! He was getting better. There's fight, love and life left in him. He was amazing. If it hadn't been for his ringworm (which was also healing very very well) I'd say he was perfect, especially once he put on another few grams...

We had 4 awesome days, loads of energy and love. He was never alone in the house, and rarely alone in a room. We wanted him to know, to feel, that we loved him so deeply and that all we want was him in our life, for adventures and cuddles.

On Monday morning, his appetite went down... He didn't really eat much...

We all left for the day, work and school. I think we were all worried, but he'd been so good and improved so so much, that we were sure he'd be fine. We have the blood test booked for the afternoon, I'm sure he'll pep up by then. The injection could be wearing off too...

Mijo and I went in to the vet, and his test came back at 14%!!! Damn, that's 6 points!! The vet expected 3 to be a big improvement. In fact, if he had 3 or less, euthanasia may have been the only option... Happy days! He was well. He's going to live! He'll be fine.

We're not out of the woods yet, but we are in the right direction.

All that love we lavished on him, not just in the past days, but the past 4 months. The adventures, the friends he'd made (both human and animal) the smells and sights he'd seen, the vibrations he felt, it was all coming together... He was a fighter with a lot of love to give...

We were over joyed. Really, I couldn't have been happier when I got the results. I gave a “whoop” and threw my fist in the air (I've never done that before in my life!).

We changed to tablet form steroids, as they'll be better long term, keep up the antibiotics and off we go...

But we all know, that often people and animals, when they know they are dying, they give it one last shot. And that was it... We didn't realize until Wednesday, that he wasn't actually going to get better...

Mijo stopped grooming himself, he slowly ate less and less... He became more and more lethargic, he started to sit in the “bread loaf” position with his nose on the ground, as he did after the snip, resting. We thought it was the change in steroids, and as I was at school and the girls at work, we just kept thinking he'd pep up eventually.

When I left for school Wednesday morning, he was alert, but lethargic. When I came home early to check on him, he had really changed again.

His belly was a little bloated, but he had hardly eaten. He had trouble walking, it seemed like it was a mix of muscle degradation/pain and confusion. His meowing changed to a high pitch cry, similar to that of a young kitten. He also stopped eating, he wouldn't even touch any of his tasty treats. He searched for any bit of sun to stand in, but he was looking so uncomfortable, his posture had changed, half sitting, half standing. I was grateful, when I carried him to his water bowl, that he drank a lot. He also went to the toilet, I held his tail so he didn't make a mess on himself.

We spent the afternoon outside, as the sun started to set. He loved the sun, I wanted him to feel warmth... I held him, talked to him. I don't know now many times I asked him to please hold on, please fight and that I loved him. He looked more comfortable in the sun.

I did film us walking around the pool. I am forever grateful for technology, so that I could just put my phone down, touch a button and record a moment. As we walked and talked, oblivious to the camera, I recognized a change in his breathing... I may have missed it previously, but for sure, his breath was becoming more and more labored. Every 3 or 4 breaths, he just had to try harder... His eyes were changing too... But I was sure he could recognize me, the way the vibrations from my chest reached his body and the way I smell. He would react from time to time, shifting or clawing at me.

He often touched my chest with his paw. Reaching out...

Mum and I went to the vet late Wednesday afternoon, the earliest we could. I explained it must be the change of steroids. No, it wasn't. They were the same type, it was just that he wasn't able to fight anymore. We discussed the specialist, called them and made a plan to go in first thing in the morning. I arranged for a friend to come with me, and Thursday morning bright and early, we were going up to get Mijo cured. Transfusion, drugs, you name it, we were going to do it. We had to, we told him we'd make him better.

There and then, Alex and I decided to trade in our honeymoon, you know from the wedding we had 13 months ago and still haven't done the traditional thing of a week or two away somewhere. We decided the money we had aside for that, would go to Mijo's specialist costs, because without Mijo, our honeymoon, whatever and whenever we decide to do it, wouldn't be worth doing, if he wasn't around.

I made a firm plan on how to help him through the night. We would hold him in shifts... All 3 of us... If one showered, the other held him. Dinner time, we shared the responsibility, not that we ate much anyhow. We cuddled, we talked, we purred, I would blow gently on his head... He was feeling love and he was fighting...

Because he hadn't eaten all day, we decided to try feeding him with a syringe, with success. With the tablets we were putting into his stomach, I felt he needed something else down there too... With a small syringe, he took it well, lapping up a tasty liquid treat.

When it was bed time, we put pillows around the bed, incase he fell, because he was very wobbly on his feet. He would cry out at random times, possibly from pain, but I think more from confusion. He sometimes wanted to get away from us, as we know, pets know when it's time and usually disappear, isolate.

We barely slept. I managed about 3 hours... But it was tough.. He wouldn't stay still, and eventually we put him in his little bed, near our bed... Of course he didn't stay there long.

At 4am I heard him crying... I found him under the bed... Alex woke up too... His breathing had changed a lot... Every breath was labored. He wasn't getting enough oxygen.

I laid on my back, and Mijo laid on my chest. This was how it often was, especially when I was reading... We did that until around 7am... Alex taking turns, holding him, talking to him, loving him. Mijo could barely hold himself up, he just laid in our arms... Breathing... His eyes began to glaze over...

We discussed our options, we felt the specialist was now a long shot. We didn't think he'd make the drive, he was near the end. Our little man had little fight left... And we wouldn't forgive ourselves for him dying in a foreign place. There were a lot of tears and back and forwards, including mum coming in for cuddles with the little guy at 5am...

Alex called the emergency vet, and we planned to go in at 8:30... Mijo's time had come...

When the sun comes up, if the blind is open in our bedroom, the sun shines right on through to Alex in bed, Mijo was in her arms, while she drank coffee as the sun rose.

Sometime later I took the little guy out to the pool, where we walked and talked, cuddled and loved, around and around, in the morning sun. I talked to him about all the adventures we had, riding bikes, visiting people, the beach and the river. I spent most of that hour, holding him, looking to his eyes... He gazed up, I just hope he knew it was me. I just knew he felt the vibrations of my words.

We both told him, it was OK to let go now. We were ready. But he kept on fighting for each breath... I think he was just like his Dad, always hopeful..

He last moments at home, where in the chair I'm sat in now. It gets the best light, first thing, even though it's inside the “catio”. Alex had sat down while I was walking outside, I seem to do better when I walk, and I brought him in for cuddles with her in the sun... He was bathed in sunshine, in Alex's arms... It was beautiful...

Actually getting in the car and going to the vet, was tough, but it really hit me when I walked in. I held the little guy, and just burst into middle-aged-man tears and sobbing... If you were there, you'd know I was my mother's son, cause she was sobbing too... I couldn't look anyone in the eye... I didn't understand what was going on, or about to go on...

I think I was in another place...

We went into a consult room, and I just laid the little guy down, not thinking of using the blanket we had... The vet explained the procedure and took him away for his catheter and first injection, some anesthetic? I don't know, but apparently it was the right thing, it helped with his pain.

I couldn't even look Alex or Mum in the eye... I just cried...

I still had hope...

When they came back, Mijo was wrapped in a soft blanket, what a great idea...!! He was quieter, more peaceful... The vet left to give us a moment...

He was still breathing, still fighting... I put my ear to his face, and heard him...

I kept making sure his eye lids closed from time to time. I remember back when Catalina, my little girl in Germany, needed to be anesthetized for a check up. The vet put some put liquid drops in her eyes and made her blink, so her eyes didn't dry out... So for Mijo, I did that every once in a while... I didn't want his eyes to dry up... I wanted him to be able to see me, because laying on that table, he couldn't hear me.

I begged Alex not to bring the vet back in for the final injection... I think I may have screamed something at her... I don't know... I wasn't me... I was trying to hold him in my arms, without moving him... I was trying to give him another chance...

I bawled...

I don't know if I have ever cried like that before... I thought I'd be all cried out... I thought all my tears had already left the building the previous hours and days... But there was more... a lot more... and more to come...

I know that Alex and I held hands over his body... I felt the love... I felt his warmth... his breathing... I know I cried tears onto him, there were tear drops on his lips...

I looked him in the eye as much as I could, but mostly, I cried...

I felt the liquid go into him, I felt it go around my hand into him...

I don't know much about what happened after that... I know I didn't want to leave him, I had promised him I would never do it. I regret not holding him once more... I know that at that moment, I felt the life drain out of me... I felt hope die...

I walked out, not knowing what to do, and flopped down on the grass outside... I never sit on grass, but Mijo liked it...

I managed to drive home...

That was yesterday...

Since then I've tried to rest, tried to come to grips with what has happened, tried to connect with a few friends, I've tried... I'm still trying...

This morning I got up wanting to do some sport, washing, then study and take on the day with confidence... It's a new day, I should take that opportunity to get back into my routine... It took all of 1 minute, from bed to bathroom, to be bawling... Except for the time I manage to calm down enough to type this blog, I've been crying... It's now 10am... I was awake at 6:15...

We are running out of tissues..

I felt so bad this morning, I wanted to plead with Alex not to go to work, because I just can't today. I just can't. We have discussed how she copes in these situations, and I know that's how she copes, by going to work, so I kept my trap shut. I just want her to hug me all day, so I can feel her warmth.

I cried so much on the drive to drop mum off at work this morning, she started crying too, and contemplated not going to work... She wanted to be there for me, but I told her, honestly, I don't think I'd be much company today.

I don't know the grieving process, we haven't learnt that in counseling school yet, but I do know, I'm feeling very lost... I feel very numb...

I can't explain it, and maybe that's why folks can never really explain how they feel after someone close to them, or their pet, has passed. We are just lost.

I also feel that I am grieving for my other losses in my life. It's a bit like, it's a culmination of all the others before him, plus him on top, making me feel pain like I have never experienced before.

Grief is just love, with no place to go... Alex and I talked about that quote last night. I used this quote to help me through leaving my 4 pets in Germany, I know I have to find a new place for my love, but for now, I just can't.

I know I couldn't have gotten through this without the support of my Mum and Alex...

While Mum cries at the drop of a hat, she is solid and thoughtful and loving. Alex is strong and experienced in these matters. She knew what to say, and when, even if I did yell back… Both have a lot of time and patience for me.

I know Alex and Mum feel bad, maybe even guilty, for choosing him. Mijo was a present, to give me joy and love and comfort. And he sure did, in multitudes, to all of us. I would never have gotten a cat back then, I didn't feel Alex or I were ready, we were still working through our issues with our pets in Germany.

Alex and I decided that we want Mijo home with us. He was only on this earth for 6.5 months, we expected him to be with us for 10+ years. Taken too early. Once he's cremated we'll have him in a little urn. He was so small, but if there's a little left over, we will either plant a tree with his ashes or sprinkle him down by the river, the first place he went to that was close to water.

The past day or so, I have shared what happened with some friends, classmates and family, and everyone has been so thoughtful and caring. Thank you, it's really helped to know you're all out there, thinking of the little guy. He would have loved to meet you all.

He was perfection. If someone else had gotten him, realized he was deaf, they may not have given him the adventures and life he had. Mum considers him a rescue cat...

So here I am, in the chair, his last chair in his last moments at home.

I can still smell him on my shirt. When I walk around the house, dazed, I sniff my shirt. He had a wonderful smell. The smell of love and adventure. I hope that smell lasts a life time.

I miss his warmth, his meow, which was damn loud!! I miss, that sometimes he'd get lost around the house... Or he'd lose me, around the house. He was gentle, and only bit me once, by accident, piercing my thumb a little. I miss the fact he had 1 tooth growing forward, directly out, making him a tri-toothed kitten with a protruding top lip! He took on the world without fear. I've never experienced anything like it in a cat. My girl Catalina did sit on my shoulder as I walked down the street in Germany, but Mijo, he let me go skateboarding with him, played guitar with me (he'd chew the strings) and one time, I even vacuumed his tail.

All trust. No fear.

Back when he lost all his hair around his neck and stomach after his snip operation, we were pretty concerned. Funnily enough, it grew back pretty quickly, but it grew back white, not grey. He had a ring around his neck and kind of marks on his back wrapping around to his belly. Alex googled it, and actually found out, cats can often have their hair grow back white after trauma or experiencing extremes of temperature if their hair was cut short or fell out.

About a month ago, I sent my dearest of friends, Sandra, a photo of his regrowth, and she commented looks like “little angel wings”...

Fly on little wing, fly on...

RIP Mijo Angus

12-11-2020 – 27-05-2021

Thanks for reading,

Josh

#pet #pet love #pet death #sad story #loss #griefandloss

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deadinsidedressage · 4 years

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Why Acti-Veg’s “Ethical Issues with Horse Riding” is Flawed

Militant vegans and animal right’s activists alike have determined that horse riding is an inherently unethical activity. Yet the criticism they dole out is inherently flawed itself. In a recent run-in with the vegan community a “source” provided to shame me about being an equestrian was a post by Acti-Veg.

The following will be a look into the claims made in that post by myself, someone who has grown up around horses, ridden a variety of disciplines, witnessed the spectrum of how personal finances impact horse care, and currently work for a top level professional.

To really delve into the flaws in the arguments made in Acti-Veg’s post we must first acknowledge one difficult truth: Abusive practices in horse riding, horse training, and horse management still exist, still are popular, and are extremely visible. There’s a higher degree of accepted abusive practices the lower on the economic spectrum the culture of a given discipline, breed, or nation tends to be. The ugly truth about animal abuse and neglect is that it tends to occur because of a lack of education. A lack of education occurs because of poverty. The poverty cycle and the impacts it has on education is well-documented and something I am personally acquainted with as an educator in an under-serviced community. The way we break abusive practices in any animal husbandry starts with making education free and accessible. Yet there’s the flaw with equestrianism--- it’s an extremely classist endeavor. There is a hard class division between the ability to be a truly ethical horse owner and as an unintentionally neglectful or outright abusive horse owner. The class issue in equestrian is two-fold; on the one hand there’s the lack of educational opportunities free from a paywall that could help erase abusive practices, on the other there’s the psychology of poverty and the creation of a “us versus them” mindset (often what I refer to as the “underdog mentality). There are limited opportunities for people to access affordable/free education to improve their horse care, handling, riding/training and when there is it is often meant with hostility. The unfortunate fact is that people who are engaging in abusive and neglectful practices because of lack of education are also extremely defensive of having their practices questioned. They fall into an assumption that the party attempting to educate them is just an embodiment of the upper class and judgmental because of their privilege. In the US, this dichotomy is primarily seen in the split between Western and English disciplines. With Western often engaging in “old timey”,“cowboy” practices and English being dismissed as “snooty”, “spoiled” and so forth. Refusal to change and adjust to ethical practices is seen as a place of pride because the “cowboy method” is upheld against the assumed “spoiled princesses” who have “everything done for them”. These people believe themselves to be “do-it-yourselfers”, of succeeding despite “the system”, and of having “worked for what they have”. Abuse and neglect is not exclusive to Western disciplines, but the vast majority of under-educated unintentional abusers, in my experience, come from Western disciplines.

When I discuss counter-points to vegan talking points, I am speaking specifically of ethical equestrianism. Horse ownership, care, and training rooted in a belief in continuing education. A group that is self-aware of the flaws in the sport and who advocate for global changes toward ethical equestrianism.

With that out of the way, the first point latched onto is the use of the term “breaking” when discussing the training of horses for riding:

“... horses are forced to accept a rider against their will. A lack of resistance does not mean that a horse has consented to being ridden, it simply means a horse has figured out that it is in their best interests to allow it to happen. Even the term “breaking” implies an acknowledgement of the truth of this fact.”

Breaking is an antiquated term and while still used in the equine community to describe starting horses under saddle, when we are discussing ethical horse training it is simply a colloquialism. The post mentions still-existing though admittedly abusive practices such as laying down a horse (forcibly dropping a horse to force “submission”) and begrudgingly refers to currently accepted slow-start practices though insistent that that is still an inherently abusive practice. The fact is, when discussing the practice of training a horse to be ridden as “unnatural” is only as true as the act of domestication is unnatural. Domesticated animals do not have the same instincts as their wild counterparts. They have had instincts bred out of them and the ability to enjoy co-habitation with humans bred into them. Do horses feel the need to be ridden? No. Neither do cats or dogs feel the need to live with us, but like these are all animals that have been bred to accept and enjoy human socialization. Riding is a form of socialization. Dependent on the breed and individual personality of the horse, not only is riding a fulfilling form of inter-species socialization but it’s a form of complex mental and physical stimulation they need for quality of life. Yes, just like there are dogs that have been so purpose bred they develop neurosis when kept “just as a pet” there are horses who have the same need for work.

Another point the post tries to make is about growth plates and long-term impacts of riding prior to fusion:

However, studies demonstrate that the epiphyseal plates in the body of the lumbar vertebrae of thoroughbred horses is not fully developed until they are between 6 and 9 years old, and that riding them before this time can cause lasting injuries. Even after this age, damage to the spine resulting from riding is common. In one study, 91.5% of ridden horses studied were diagnosed with some kind of alteration of the spine after x-ray, even though they seemed perfectly healthy prior to the scan.

The post sites two studies, one which is written by someone with their PhD in holistic medicine, a clear anti-riding bias, and a misunderstanding of kissing-spine as universal to all horses. The other is in German. Were the entire post in German and meant for German speakers I wouldn’t have an issue with sourcing a study in German... but as it’s directed toward an English-speaking audience and it’s in German... I mean that just reeks of twisting facts to suit your narrative while preventing people from fact-checking you.

Here’s the thing about growth plates and horses, we also have studies that have shown that light age appropriate work helps with bone density, helps remedy some conformational flaws, and does not damage. The key word is appropriate.

Reining and racing are the two top sports that skew data sets toward showing detrimental impacts on the longevity of horses because they are sports that start horses too early and with too high of intensity for it not to result in damage. Ethically developed young horses are given long stretches of off time to accommodate growth phases and are worked lightly. A 4 year old is not worked with the intensity of a 14 year old.

There’s also the issue of kissing spine which is still not fully understood. It’s most prevalent in Quarter Horses, Thoroughbred, and Warmbloods--- the three arguably most populous riding horse breeds. There is some debate as to what causes it or the extent of the genetic component, but kissing spine has been discovered in the remains of prehistoric, pre-domesticated horses.

I would also argue that depending on the age demographic of the “91.5%” study that there’s also just the nature of wear and tear on bodies. Within the equestrian community it’s known that no horse is going to vet entirely clean because that’s not how being a living creature works. Life has impact on the body and even humans who’ve never engaged in sports activities will develop conditions like arthritis as they age. Especially when we consider that medical advancements have surpasses ours and our domesticated friends’ evolutionary lifespans. Simply put, ours’ and theirs’ bodies will begin to breakdown long before there are no longer care options to prolong life.

A point that is barely worth mentioning because of the seeming refusal of the author’s post to do any research in order to attempt an educated opinion is on the use of training equipment and aids:

On top of the process of riding, many riders inflict additional harm on their horses using instruments like harnesses, bits and whips; even saddles can restrict blood flow and cause chafing, this is not including general injuries sustained by horses which are part and parcel of being ridden. Bits are particularly harmful, as they damage horse’s sensitive nerves, their teeth, tongue and palate.

None of this equipment is inherently harmful. An ill-fitting saddle or an incorrectly used bit and the damage they can cause are not equatable to a properly fitting saddle and a correctly used bit. They don’t even give me something to counter here other than saying “no, that’s wrong” because they have so little understanding of the use of tools in training and riding horses. Saddles can cause chafing--- hmm, does that reason that a vegan would then prefer if I “had” to ride I did so bareback? What about the studies I can pull up showing that bareback riding is detrimental to spine health... The “not including general injuries sustained by horses which are part and parcel of being ridden” portion of this is a little hilarious as someone who has always been around horses. Yes, it’s not out of the question for a horse to sustain small injuries through the course of being ridden just as it’s not out of the question for a human person engaging in any physical activity to sustain small injuries. What about potentially “career ending” injuries though? Anecdotally, I know of few horses with injuries that lead to retirement from riding that actually occurred while being ridden. Horses are an evolutionary shitshow and much of that is evident in their tendency to injure their legs in somewhat miraculous ways. Additionally, injuries that could occur from work are also mostly preventable and this is where the class/educational barrier raises it’s ugly head again. A top tier dressage horse is likely to have more overall stress on their body than the average 4H horse. However, the dressage horse is also going to be exposed to preventative and aftercare measure such as boots/polos, icing, poultice, theraplating, PEMF, laser therapy, nutritional support, structured warm-up/cool-down, etc. The 4H horse is usually lucky if someone notices they’ve bowed a tendon or developed a bone spur. There is so much that education can do in prevention of injury and wear.

The supposed “gotcha” moment of this post comes when talking about euthanasia, making bold claims about horses being disposed of when they outlive usefulness:

One in particular, an owner of a horse equipment shop, explained the reasoning: “I really love horses. But when they’re no good to me, what are you going to do with them? We don’t want to take ‘em out back and shoot ‘em. They may just as well be slaughtered, and get some use out of them.” Another commented that: “Chickens for eggs, lambs for wool, cows for milk, horses for work, and when their useful, productive life has passed, then you turn them into meat.”

Part of me honestly doesn’t really believe this is a real quote by a real person, but these people also do exist. There also is the unfortunate reality of the “slaughter pipeline” in the US in which horses who are sent to auction often end up in the hands of kill buyers who ship them over the boarder to sell for meat.

As far as should a horse be killed when it surpasses “usefulness”? Absolutely not. Ethical equestrians don’t view horses this way and recognize that an animal which has offered so much by way of partnership deserves a soft retirement and a loving home until they die. However, the post tries to take an anti-euthanasia stance period:

“..most owner’s prefer to euthanize animals when they become too old or sick to walk or ride”

If you’re not catching the problematic part of that sentence, there’s the suggestion that it’s wrong to euthanize an animal that can’t walk. The inability to conceptualize quality of life over quantity of life seems to be a recurring theme with vegans. An animal that is evolutionarily designed to roam miles in a day, essentially need movement to help with digestion, and can’t communicate pain isn’t an animal that can be ethically kept alive when it loses the ability to be comfortably mobile. It is better to euthanize any animal in order to prevent suffering that is to force them to live through it. Animals cannot conceptualize pain the way a human being can. A horse does not wake up in pain and think “well, thank god I’ve lived through another day!”. It wakes up, feels itself in pain, and suffers.

Now, to indulge myself in my own controversial opinions... I think horse slaughter should be legalized in the United States and regulated in order to make sure it is done in an ethical manner. There is simply too high an over-populous of unethically bred horses that are not going to be placed in homes to justify the horrors involved in the shipment of horses to slaughter. Horses currently going through the slaughter pipeline due to being undesired go through horrific non-stop truck journeys in which they are crowded, starved, dehydrated, extremely stressed, and sometimes even die in the process of the trip. It’s a cruel end to the horse. Horses are also extremely expensive animals that require a high degree of care in order for their needs to truly be met. This post referenced horse owners as spending an average of roughly $3,500 a year on their horse. That is a shockingly low number and indicative of how normalized neglectful care is. Prices of care certainly change based on location, but personally keeping my horse at an absolute basic level of care while assuming no vet emergencies are taking place and without factoring any of the expenses keeping her in work would entail.. I am at nearly $10k a year and that’s with doing the absolute minimum with zero preventative care. I also have no issue with the sentiment of horse owners who’d like to see some “usefulness” out of the death of their horse. The practice of either taking the meat from your deceased horse for you family or to be given to the needy in the community is standard in Norway. It isn’t a taboo, it’s a sensible way to dispose of the corpse of a large animal in a way that doesn’t negatively impact the environment and honors the horse. I know people who have donated their horses’s corpses to wildlife sanctuaries to feed animals. For some people being able to ascribe some meaning pr purpose to the death of their animal is needed for coping.

The major thing with this post is that it lacks the understanding of nuance. It condemns riding as a whole based off an awareness of abusive practices that activists within the community are trying to change. Arguments made are made without the education to back up the points being attempted and when all else fails it’s reliant on the classic militant vegan rhetoric about interaction with animals being exploitative. Ultimately while not as egregious as PETA thinking sheering sheep involves skinning them, this is the horse version of utterly misunderstanding the subject of the argument.

#horses #horsblr #vegan

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nakediconoclast · 3 years

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About a certain livestock de-wormer...

Ivermectin

Before I even start this post, let me get the legal shit out of the way.I am not a doctor. I haven't even been to a doctor in over 5 years.I have no medical training except for maybe 100 hours of outdated first aid training when I was in the army 40 years ago and my First Sergeant needed a break from me.I am not a pharmacist, although back in the 1980s and 90s, I have dispensed dru..... Wait, I better leave that one alone.The point being, don't take my word for shit here. Do your own research. I'm going to refer to the drug as IM in this post because I don't want Google/Blogger taking my blog down or red-paging it for not toeing the party line. It is not my purpose to try to talk you into taking it any more than I'd try to talk you out of taking the vaccine if that's what you want to do. Your body, your choice.All I'm doing is making you aware of it if you haven't already checked it out, and to pass on my own experiences and thoughts. IM has been approved for use in humans, although it's more widely known as an parasitic medication for livestock.IM, sold under the brand name Stromectol among others, is a medication that is used to treat parasite infestations. In humans, this includes head lice, scabies, river blindness (onchocerciasis), strongyloidiasis, trichuriasis, ascariasis, and lymphatic filariasis. In veterinary medicine, it is used to prevent and treat heartworm and acariasis, among other indications. It can be taken by mouth or applied to the skin for external infestations.MORE Question: If it's already been proven safe for human use, why isn't there full speed ahead testing being done to see if it works for covid?Answer: Big Pharma. IM has been off patent for years and is dirt cheap. If it's found out to be effective for covid, guess who's profits are going to nosedive in that vaccine market? * Back a few weeks ago, a very good friend who shall remain nameless - fuck it, I'll out him, it was WiscoDave - initiated a conversation with me about IM and wanted to know if I had considered taking it to 1) prevent covid and 2) use it to cure covid if I were to contract it. Me, being invincible, said no, so he turned me onto a few links and pretty much left it at that.He's a sly devil - he knew I'd eventually get bored and read them. One of them concerned a study in India. As you may recall, there was a major outbreak a couple months ago and motherfuckers were dying like flies, then all of a sudden..... nothing.Why? Because they introduced IM. HERE is the link to the study in the first sentence of this paragraph.HERE is a 25 minute youtube video along the same lines. There's more out there if you take a few seconds to look them up. Okay, I read that, then I started digging and found more articles and videos on youtube, although youtube seems to be pulling a bunch of them if they even mention covid and IM.To make a long story short, I figured to give it a try. Hell, I never was shy about trying new drugs when I was younger, so it wasn't that big of a deal.My reasoning was this: While I may be invincible, my wife is not and with her health problems, she is one of those high risk people. She doesn't get out much, so about the only way she'd get it would be from me, so I needed to protect myself, but I really don't want to get vaccinated.Besides, I keep hearing about all the deaths and complications from taking the vaccines, but I've yet to hear about anybody dying from taking IM. On top of that, every day I read about fully vaccinated people being diagnosed with covid in spite of their precautions, so even if I got vaccinated, there's a good possibility that's not going to protect my wife from getting it. Wisco had also directed me to Ann Barnhardt's IM page HERE and told me to be sure that I read it - it tells you where to buy it, how to buy it, what kinds to buy (very important!) and dosage instructions. So, armed with that knowledge, I went into town to score some of this miracle drug in the liquid form. First stop was the Farmer's Co-op in town. There was none to be had and the old boy behind the counter said they can't keep it in stock for the past few months. That seemed a little weird seeing as I haven't noticed a massive influx of livestock around here lately - unless people are buying it up to use on themselves. Bubba also told me he couldn't guarantee a hold for me when it did come in, so I headed down to Tractor Supply. Once there, I couldn't find the liquid 1% solution so I asked one of the guys and immediately started getting the 3rd degree - just exactly what I did I want it for and shit like that, so I told him it was to worm a sick donkey. He went to the back to see if there was any there, but came back to tell me there was none in stock, so I asked him to order it for me. He hemmed and hawed around until the manager walked by and told him to order anything I wanted, with as much money as I've spent in that store, so he ordered a 50ml bottle for me and I got it 3-4 days later.While I'm on the subject of Tractor Supply, if you order something online from your home, YOU pay the shipping. If you have them order it for you, it ships to your address and shipping is free - something to keep in mind. Ten bucks is ten bucks. Anyways, after I got home and was re-reading Miss Ann's page, I realized I saw the 1.87% paste there at Tractor Supply, so I hustled back down there and scored a tube for about 8 bucks.Once I got it home, I figured to give it a whirl as a preventive measure, but I didn't want to use the liquid, figuring to hold off on that in case it became 'unavailable' in the future.Now Wisco had told me the paste tasted like ass, but what the fuck, I've eaten British food before. I ain't scared. Besides, this shit was apple flavored. So I took a piece of bread, squeezed out the recommended dose (I thought), put it on the bread, folded it over and wolfed it down. I got a very slight taste of bitter apple, so I shoveled in a load of Copenhagen and that was the end of that. Now, while IM in the liquid form is taken orally, it's drawn from the bottle and measured using a syringe which can be bought at Tractor Supply, livestock supply stores and even online at vet supply sites such as Chewy.com.In the liquid form and by using a little math, you can get the dosage down for your body weight pretty easily. Using the paste, the tube dispenses the doses in 50 kilogram increments for your body weight. Luckily, as I found out, it's pretty fucking hard to overdose yourself. As I was putting the tube away, I realized I had accidentally dosed myself with double the amount recommended for my weight. It's okay to round up - better a little too much than too little according to everything I had read, but damn, I really rounded up.Like I said, the shit measures out in 50 kilo increments for body weight and I did 3 clicks instead of 2. I weigh 170 pounds and took enough for a 330 pounder.I sat down and waited to die. What I got was a very slight headache and I do mean very slight - it wasn't even bad enough to require aspirin. I didn't even cop a buzz, damn it. Okay, that's my experience. Did I have any side effects? Nope.Did I get sick to my stomach? Huh-uh.Does my dick still get hard in the morning? Most of the time, but that's my age showing.Any frothing at the mouth? Only when I brush my teeth.Do my trigger fingers still work? Yes, praise the Lord.Any newfound empathy or tolerance for Biden? Fuck no.Do I have an urge to gallop in the pasture? What happens in that pasture is between me and God. Obviously, there's precautions.Ladies, you probably don't want to take it if you're pregnant or trying to get pregnant.If you're taking medication, you most definitely want to talk with your doctor first to see if there's going to be any kind of interactions. There's a website HERE that you can check, but I think I'd want to hear it from a doctor. How you word those questions is up to you, but if it was me I wouldn't ask IF I can take it, I'd let him or her know I was going to take it and what should I know. Okay, bottom line for me: Like I said earlier, I've heard of many, many cases of horrible side effects and even deaths from taking the vaccines, but I've yet to hear of anybody taking the correct dosage of IM having any adverse effects. I'm sure there's some out there, but if they were even remotely common, the FDA would be spreading those examples everywhere. Instead, they're putting out vague warnings like this HERE.Do I believe the hype about how deadly covid is for healthy people? No. But I do believe it can make you sicker than a dog, and I generally try to avoid shit like that. And again, I do have to protect my wife by protecting myself. With her health issues, death is a very real possibility. * So, if you are considering it, please go to Ann Barnhardt's page on the stuff and read it. Again, you'll find instructions on the kind to buy (they're not all the same), dosage, how to take it, and even a little video on how to use the paste.HEREIf you're concerned about the correct dosage, she addresses that as well.HERE

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disastrousjest · 4 years

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Confessions of 2020..

(tw: covid mention, mental health mention)

I wanted to post a little something that might put out some insight for my followers, friends, mutuals alike. With the recent battle I had with some personal blogs attacking me over some posts I made because of the images, regardless of the purpose of the post. I just wanted to let everyone aware of why that sent me over the edge and why I handled it the way I did. Please note: I will not be apologizing for what I said, I do feel as though those that tried to reach out to me did not realize the purpose of the post. And while I understand now I should just tag things like that differently, I will not be apologizing for stating the fact that this is a rp blog and I do not appreciate personal blogs attacking me over something like that. That being said, I will not be bullied off tumblr or this account. Because I love JJBA and Joseph Joestar. So for future reference, if you don’t like my content, unfollow it. Don’t bother sending me nasty remarks because I do not have the time for those types of things. But I wanted to open the doorway to some insight for you all who have been paying attention or who just might care to know why I came off so incredibly outraged by that little bit. Because to me it was just the topping of a whole bunch of bullshit as is 2020. This whole shithole of a year began in March. I got promoted at work to salary. That’s 35k a year my friends and that’s a hell of an upgrade for someone who barely makes a living wage right now and came from a working poor family. I really thought my life was gonna turn around. For once my fiance and I wouldn’t have to struggle so hard and we could afford to do everything we talked about doing. Well guess what--2 weeks after the announcement of my promotion my work place shut down because of Covid-19. Nothing new, lots of people and places were shut down. So fine, it pushed back my transfer and such. That wasn’t a big deal. Enter June 2020. We re-open and my manager calls me into his office to talk to him about said mentioned promotion. They are suspending it, means it could be pushed back until we could lift the restrictions. Understandably so, I would just have to keep my old position, an hourly one, until they were called back. Now the months pass, June becomes July and enter August. I find out about a week before the company announces it at the start of August, the position I was promoted to has been eliminated indefinitely. There is a chance they could come back, but right now they have no idea when or if that’ll happen. Which means that whole part of my department no longer exists at my place of work. I mean it’s a good thing I had my hourly position to fall back into or I’d lost my job. But that salary raise? Gone.

Rewind back to July. I get very very VERY sick. And have to test for covid-19 the first time. Only because I am so sick and have a roommate with asthma I have to quarantine myself for 14 days. So 14 days I am locked in my bedroom alone, sleeping alone after 3 years of being with someone in bed. My meals are being left at the door for me and the only room I am allowed to enter is the bathroom, but only after it has been sanitized. Only for my results to come back negative. And now... we enter September 2020. Two major things started in September. The first, our old, senior dog became very ill. Started losing weight, wasn’t eating, losing hair, etc. So we knew his time was coming soon enough. Mid-September, I wake up one morning while our dog is dying mind you, and I cannot move my body from the waist down. Every time I tried, I’m greeted with a shot of pain straight up my spine that feels something like a hot poker being stabbed right through my spinal cord. Very very painful. I end up bed-ridden for a day or two because I cannot move. So once the pain subsides, I go see a chiropractor. Shocking (not really) announcement that my sway back--to which I was diagnosed with 10 years prior from a bad car accident--has gotten worse. What does that mean exactly? Well--my spine bends in like a S for those who don’t know, which means my lower back dips inward deeper inside my body and my tail bone curves out. Now along that dip there are 3 or 4 vertebrae that are especially messed up. The bones have become staggered out of place on top of one another, just from the muscles pulling the bones out of shape since my spine doesn’t flex the way it’s supposed to anymore. (And it hasn’t for years). The pain before this was tolerable, it would ache from time to time but never like this. Now I am crippled more or less. Here’s what that means: my mobility became extremely limited. At first in the am when I woke up I couldn’t move from the waist down for the first hour or two after I woke up. Then when I was finally able to move, I had to use my forearms to literally drag my lower body upright (still painful). Once I was able to manage that, I had to gage how strong my legs were to support my weight. And at first walking wasn’t terrible, but as the treatments began--doctor appointments, spinal adjustments, and physical therapy--to correct my spinal issue, nerve damage became clear. So now on top of this horrible pain, I had to deal with weak legs. Because of nerve damage, my right leg especially became weak. On days my back would hurt especially bad, my right knee would collapse out from under me. Which meant falling to the ground and not being able to stand up or walk for sometime there after. Now imagine dealing with not being able to support your own body, not being able to hardly walk and your dog dying at the same time. So while I”m trying not to focus on the fact that my mobility is limiting me on what I can and can’t do, my fiance is upset about this. Our dog (then weighed about 100 or more pounds) could no longer walk either. His back legs and hips were giving out as his health declined. I did not have the strength in my own legs to help carry him because his weight hurt me too much and would cause me to collapse. I had to watch my fiance struggle with this practically all by herself while I sat on the floor, only able to use my arms to help with what I could because my legs and back were too weak to do the work. This carried on into October. Our dog passes away and that alone is hard for me. I still kind of wonder if I wasn’t so weak when he got sick if I could have helped prolong his life just a little longer. I couldn’t hardly look at him when he passed and I couldn’t look at anyone else. I was very angry that my legs and back had failed me. They had failed everyone. So yes, that weight still lingers over me. It was so bad that when it came time to take turns digging his grave, I struggled with the shovel. Because I couldn’t stand up or be bent over to move the dirt, I got on my hands and knees and I took that shovel in my hands and used my arms and shoulders to dig. I wasn’t going to continue to be useless because of my limited mobility. I felt I already let him down and everyone else by not being able to help take care of him while he was still alive and sick. This was the least I could do. November comes. Things are calm now, for a while. Not bad. I finally get some braces to help with my back issues (which still continue). I keep on with my physical therapy, trying to heal and help my fiance through her mourning over the dog. My mobility slowly begins to improve, though the doctor informs me it will be a very slow process. Small steps he says. But he is still confident he can fix my spine without back surgery so I can walk again, like a regular person. The limit I am able to stand and walk increases with the help of my braces and I begin taking herbal supplements and drinking herbal teas to increase the rate of my recovery. It seems to be working better than over the counter medication. The rest of 2020 seems promising. Here comes December. On the night my fiance and I decide to go out on a date to celebrate our 5 years together. I get a phone call from work. One of my co-workers tested positive for Covid-19 and I was exposed. I am now suspended from work without pay until my test results come back negative. A real mood killer for the night. It gets better, we get home and despite the dinner being pretty somber the rest of the night seems fine. We watch movies and spend time together, finish wrapping gifts for Christmas. Then we realize the cat is missing. He’s been missing all day and all night. Nobody has seen him. Two days prior, I had taken my cat to the vet because he was sick. Again, weight loss, losing hair, etc. I was worried he may be sick. Well it’s cold outside and here it’s been snowing so it’s very cold. I set something of mine outside and a literbox for smell. And then a plate of food. ....that was almost 4 days ago. There’s been not a sign of him. I called the county shelter and they didn’t have him. My fiance suggests he was sick so... maybe he got out of the house and went somewhere to die. My gut tells me he’s not coming back. And my heart is breaking, again. Again. I am wondering if I did something wrong. If I would have kept a better eye on him, I knew he wasn’t feeling right. I somehow feel like I let him down. And then I logged into tumblr and saw those comments. Those asks people were sending about the damn images I posted for the 12 days to Christmas. And they just kept coming. I deleted the other ones, I stopped replying to them and finally just deleted the post. The Christmas spirit had been sucked out of me. I feel as though the world has began to mock me for believing the year could get better back in November. I know one thing, the holiday won’t be as bright this year. Not for me. I hope everyone stays safe and has a good holiday. Maybe 2021 will be more promising, but I”m not banking on it. Not anymore. Thanks for reading. I hope you all understand now why I have been so slow with my replies lately. As my mood goes up and down because I have been struggling with the weight of all this and depression, just trying to hang on from losing hope that for one I will be able to walk again normally and then just the loss of my animals... everything. I can’t write and I refuse to send bad quality responses and starters for you all. I hope this puts some insight on why I was so horribly upset the other day. So thank you to all my friends and everyone who has been so patient with me on all my blogs. Jotaro (dmgdstar) and Johnny (rotatingstar) and this one of course. I will be catching up to everything very soon. I’ve already made a good dent in them. Your patience is always appreciated.

#ooc #L speaks #my 2020 confessional #this is my yearly story #just a fragment of my cursed life

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nattikay · 4 years

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Just trying to sort out some thoughts, came here cuz not sure where else to do it. Might delete later.

So we’ve had Maisie for almost a week now an honestly, it’s...caused me a lot more stress than I’d expected it to. Don’t get me wrong, I like her, and I don’t plan to give her back to the shelter or anything, good gracious, no--but tbh I feel a little guilty for not being ~euphoric~ over the whole scenario, and I’m just trying to work out why.

Don’t worry she is being well taken care of! This is an emotional issue, not an ability-to-care-for issue.

I think some of it may have its roots in our old cat, Harry Pawter. We got Harry when I was around 9 years old and I loved him. However, being a child when we got him, I was never really super good at taking care of him; most of the animal care wound up falling on my parents.

Harry, for the most part, was a pretty good cat most of his life, but he started developing health problems around his last two years or so. By this point I was in high school, and for all intents and purposes should’ve been old enough and responsible enough to step in and help take proper care of him. But by that point, I hadn’t really formed those habits and...I never really did. Not as much as I should have. And looking back...tbh I feel really bad about it, and wonder if I didn’t love him as much as I should have, or as much as I thought I did. My dad would certainly imply at much when he got frustrated with the cat, and that...kinda sunk its way into my brain, I guess.

I’ve mentioned before that we lost Harry my freshman year of college, my very first semester. But I haven’t told the whole story, because well...I feel really bad about it. But maybe it’ll be good to get it off my chest.

See, Harry’s health had been declining for a while at that point (he was now 9 years old btw). He was struggling to keep himself clean and having more and more accidents outside the litterbox. My dad took him to the vet, and the vet suspected he may have had a brain tumor. All this was happening recently after I started my first semester of college, so I wasn’t home at the time, only getting this info via phone calls.

My dad didn’t want to pay for expensive tests and surgeries for a cat, so was considering putting him down. I was obviously not in favor of that idea, so we decided that we’d wait until I came home for Christmas and then discuss what to do about the Harry situation.

But we never got the chance. Around November, there was some sort of leak under the fridge or something (I don’t remember the details; again I wasn’t home at the time) and we had to get a lot of work done in there to fix it, which included having all the tiles completely removed and huge fans placed in the kitchen to blow away the ensuing dust. In order to keep Harry out of the way of the construction, we wound up regulating him to the screened-in back patio (and for further context: Harry had always been an indoor-only cat, and never showed much interest in going outside). Needless to say, on top of his health concerns, this construction and jarring change in environment was probably really stressful for him. One day, he found his way out of the patio...and never came back.

We...don’t really know for sure what happened to him after that. I like to say that he passed away rather than ran away, partly because he didn’t really have great survival skills and between that and his already-present health issues, well...I don’t think he would’ve survived long as a stray, and I prefer to imagine that his suffering ended as quickly and painlessly as possible. Even if he did manage to survive for a while then, he’s almost certainly gone now, given that he’d be nearly 15 by this point...but I digress.

All that said...idk, I guess I never really got any proper closure with Harry. And the more I learn about how to properly care for a cat, especially doing all the research I’ve been doing for Maisie...well, the worse I feel for him.

It’s not that we were bad owners, per se, and we certainly weren’t malicious in any way...but man, we could’ve done so much better. Harry was definitely overfed and undergroomed and we didn’t really know how to deal with his issues later in life...again, we weren’t malicious, but I think we were ignorant. I can’t really blame myself in the early years given that I was a literal child but by the time I reached high school and the like...idk I just feel like I could have and should have done so much better. I wonder how many issues could’ve been resolved if we’d been more attentive, more vigilant. Had been willing to put in more effort than just “meh fill up his food bowl twice a day and have Dad change the litter once in a while”.

And with all that considered, well...let’s just say I have doubts as to my prowess as a cat guardian. I want to make sure what went wrong with Harry goes right with Maisie and I just...idk. It’s just been a lot more emotional pressure than I expected it to be, even more so considering I haven’t yet quite formed the emotional bond with Maisie that I felt with Harry (not that I necessarily should have expected to at this point, given that we’ve only had Maisie for less than a week whereas we had Harry for nine years). But still.

And I mean, it’s not like taking care of Maisie has been difficult from an objective standpoint. It boils down to just feeding her (and making sure it’s the right amount of food), cleaning her litterbox, and playing with her, all of which are pretty simple and straightforward (well actually trying to figure out the right amount of food for her age and size has been a bit of a chore but I digress).

Again, it’s not the tasks themselves that are an issue...it’s, I guess, the emotional baggage, or something. Knowing that as my cat the responsibility rests squarely on my shoulders (as opposed to having Harry where my parents took up most of the tasks) probably contributes as well.

Probably doesn’t help that this was a rather sudden development as well. It was only a week ago that we even seriously entertained the possibility of getting a new cat, and now here we are. It all happened so fast, it...almost doesn’t seem real.

Then again, not much has been feeling “real” to me lately. But that’s a separate issue and one for my therapist. :P

I also, despite all objective evidence to the contrary, feel almost like I’m being a burden my bringing Maisie into the house. I know that I shouldn’t...it wasn’t even my idea. My brother made the suggestion, my mom endorsed it, my dad ultimately agreed. The whole family seems to like her, even my dad who is by far the least of a cat-person out of all of us has pet her and talked soft to her (I expected him to mostly ignore her).

But...well, ok, another (shorter) storytime. My parents, while they don’t dislike pets, have had enough of them to last their lives, especially after Harry’s troubled final years, which we kids (regrettably) did not do much to help with despite being older by then. About a year or two after we lost Harry, a family in our church was giving away a bunny for adoption after their two dogs didn’t take well to it. My sister, who has always loved bunnies, begged and begged and begged to adopt it, and after promising and promising to take care of it, my parents finally relented. Alas, the bunny did not wind up being as friendly and cuddly as my sister expected, and after a few weeks she lost interest in it, leaving the bulk of the care responsibilities to our youngest brother (who, to his credit, did pretty well...honestly he’s just pretty good with animals in general, of all types...dogs are his top preference but he’ll happily work with just about anything). Not long later, the poor bunny injured itself, and upon doing some research my parents found that bunnies rarely heal properly from that type of injury (I forget what it was exactly, again I was away in college at the time so don’t recall all the details) and that the most humane option was to put it down. We only had that bunny for a few months.

After that, my dad was (understandably) hesitant to bring another pet into the house, however hard we promise to care for it, cuz last time he relented he got burned and a poor bunny had to suffer. When he agreed to let us get a new cat, he included the (reasonable) stipulation that if it ever seems like we’re not taking proper care of kitty, he’s allowed to make the call to give her up back to the shelter.

Now, I have absolutely zero intentions of pulling a sister-and-the-bunny on Maisie, and I very much plan to take as good care of her as possible. But...you can see how there’s some emotional pressure there, yeah? ^^;

I feel like I have to be an absolutely flawless owner else I’ve let everyone down and proven that my promises to care for her were just talk. I’m afraid people will get mad at Maisie for doing Cat Things and I’ll take the fall and it’ll be assumed I’m not taking proper care of her because I can’t train her well enough. I’m afraid any inconvenience that naturally comes from owning and animal will by default get pinned on me, that I’ll be at fault because I’m the one who technically owns her, I brought her into the house, were it not for me we wouldn’t be dealing with Animal Inconvenience.

And yes I know that’s irrational...I know my brain is exaggerating and none of them really expect an 8 month old kitten to have flawless behavior or blame me for it and as long as I’m keeping her happy and healthy it’s fine...and yet...

I don't know.

Pressure, I guess. A big life change that happened pretty suddenly and it’s gonna take a little while for it to become the new normal...I’ve just gotta hang on until it does, I guess...

anyways...

R.I.P. Harry Pawter, 2005-2014

(last picture we ever got of him)

Maisie, I will do my best ;_;

(first picture I ever got of her...which, I am just now realizing, is similar to the last pic of Harry ;n;)

#vent #of sorts #just trying to sort out some thoughts mostly

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wolfpawn · 4 years

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I Hate You, I Love You, Chapter 116

Chapter Summary - Danielle arrives home with Mac to an empty house, but it is not long before her two pups meet.

Previous Chapter

Rating - Mature (some chapters contain smut)

Triggers - references to Tom Hiddleston’s work with the #MeToo Movement. That chapter will be tagged accordingly.

authors Note - I have been working on this for the last 3 years, it is currently 180+ chapters long. This will be updated daily, so long as I can get time to do so, obviously.

All image rights belong to their owners

tags: @sweetkingdomstarlight-blog @jessibelle-nerdy-mum @nonsensicalobsessions @damalseer @hiddlesbitch1 @winterisakiller @fairlightswiftly @salempoe @wolfsmom1

If you wish to be tagged, please let me know.

Danielle sighed, the day had been long, but Mac rubbing his muzzle against her as she sat in the trailer made her feel better. She checked her phone and smiled. She brought up Tom’s number and pressed call.

‘Hello, Ms Hughes, how are you this evening?’ His voice all but purred at her.

‘Very well,’ Her tone was warm and playful. ‘But I fear I have a confession to make.’

‘I am listening.’

‘I have someone with his head on my lap at the moment.’

‘And we only apart with a fortnight, Darling, why must you hurt me so?’

‘Yes, but in all fairness, he has had my love for the past few years and has returned it longer than you have.’

‘I feel like I should be challenging him to a duel.’ Tom chuckled.

‘He would win.’

‘He cannot hold a gun, or a sword for that matter, he has no thumbs. I think.’

‘Dewclaws are their versions of thumbs.’

‘I read before that people remove them.’

‘Yes, no licensed vet in Ireland or Britain will do it though, they can be struck off for it if it is not needed.’ She explained. ‘How is our little boy?’

‘He is great. Did you get my picture?’

‘I did. Did he cry in the car?’

‘A little. Though I did something bold.’

‘Tell me.’

I may have left him sleep with Poppy at night.’

‘I can’t blame you.’

‘It’s not that bad, is it?’

‘More for Poppy than Bobby.’

‘Why?’

‘Well, he is fully vaccinated as of tomorrow, meaning that he can then be around Mac, but she will have no one, but going down to one before losing all her littermates is not life ending. Your mum will pamper her.’

‘She already is doing that. Do you like the name?’

‘I do actually, Bobby suits him.’ She smiled. In the end, she had given the duty of puppy naming to Tom, seeing how much time and effort he put into his names. She watched as he went Googling multiple sites in hopes of getting the best possible one, looking at the picture of the puppy on his phone over and over as he thought of the names. Seeing what it meant to him, Danielle assigned puppy naming duties to Tom, with the right to veto if needed. Tom acted as though she had bestowed some immense honour on him and took it very seriously.

‘I cannot believe you had everything readied before you left.’ Tom chuckled, recalling how there was nothing left to chance with Danielle’s planning. ‘The training pads were the best investment ever.’

‘I can well imagine. Have you done what I told you to do?’

‘He is good, not there yet though.’

‘They learn, with consistency, he will catch on quick.’

‘He is getting there.’

‘Good, with Big Brother Mac, he will thrive even more. I cannot wait to see them together.’

‘I cannot wait to see you.’ Tom smiled.

‘Do you miss me?’

‘Terribly. Do you miss me?’

‘From time to time.’ Tom growled. ‘I do, so much, but mostly because we are forced apart to be safe and not because of work. It will be worth it when we and our boys are going for walks on the beach.’

‘We won’t be doing this too often.’ Tom agreed, ‘Bar everytime we add a puppy.’

‘And become dog hoarders.’ Danielle laughed.

‘Wait and see, it will be one of those crap tv specials yet.’ Tom joked.

‘I cannot wait to see you again.’

‘Tomorrow cannot come soon enough. How was work?’

‘Good, tiring. Mac loved it on set. There were seagulls, so you know him.’

‘He was only protecting you.’ Tom laughed.

‘And he did a great job, no thanks to me, I went within a few feet of one and he nearly lost his life.’

‘I told him to look out for you, he promised he would.’

‘I love you.’

‘How could you not?’ Tom joked, causing her to laugh. ‘I love you too, my beautiful Elle. I better go here, someone is....yep.’

‘Go, bye. Don’t scold him.’ Danielle called out before the line went dead.

‘Now, be nice.’ Danielle warned as she turned the key in the ignition and took it out. ‘Bobby is small and young, so he is scared.’ Mac sat up, seemingly knowing he was home again. She got out of the car and went around to the boot, opening it before undoing his harness. ‘We will have to sort something for him too actually, two hoops I suppose. I guess my car is officially the doggie car now.’ She rambled as Mac relieved himself against Tom’s car.

Collecting her suitcase and her laptop case, Danielle closed up the car and walked up the steps. She made sure to get in first, dropping her belongings in the hallway before letting Mac in. After a few moments, it was obvious there was no one there. Wondering where they could be, Danielle watched as Mac inspected the new smells that infested his domain with keen interest. She put her dirty laundry in the back kitchen then brought her case upstairs, all the time Mac trying to establish what was afoot. As he continued to investigate this new revelation, Danielle got everything else out of the car and looked at the locked gate that protected their home, wondering where Tom and Bobby had gone.

With the car cleared, she tidied everything away and let Mac out into the garden, only for him to continue his thorough assessment there. He looked at her more than once with an appearance that could only ever be accused of being concern. ‘I told you about this. You’ll get to meet him soon, I think.’ Mac gave a grunt in return.

It was another hour before Mac’s ears went up and he ran to the front of the house to see what was going on, telling Danielle that Tom and Bobby were returning. When she heard the key in the door, she walked out to the hallway and brought Mac into the kitchen before closing the door, meeting Tom in the hall. ‘Hi.’

‘What are you doing home early?’ Tom asked, his eyes wide as though shocked.

‘I said I would be back at lunchtime.’ She frowned.

‘No, you said dinner time.’

‘Tom, I sent you a text that clearly says lunchtime.’ She took out her phone and got up the message. ‘Yeah, “Okay, we will be home in time for lunch”.’ She held it up for him to see.

‘I didn’t read it right.’

‘Apparently not.’ She smiled. ‘It doesn’t matter, we are home now. Hello.’ She leant forward and kissed him.

‘But we weren’t here.’ Tom looked at her sheepishly. ‘I wanted us all to be here.’

‘Tom, it’s fine, it’s given Mac a chance to realise there is someone new here, he is very intrigued.’

‘How come you are ignoring him, how can you?’ Tom looked down where Bobby was currently jumping up all over Danielle’s legs.

‘I have to ignore him until he stops and gives me the behaviour I want from him, then I reward his behaviour with attention.’ She explained.

‘But he is being adorable.’

‘I know, but I want him to be adorable and good and the only way to get that is to be like this now, as much as I want to cuddle my little boy.’ Danielle shrugged with a small smile. Tom gave her a small look that made her frown again. ‘What’s up?’

‘I just feel like I messed up.’

‘Tom, please stop, you are being silly.’

‘So you are in no way upset that I was not here when you came home?’ He challenged.

Danielle was about to answer when Bobby, upset at the lack of attention, sat down to consider how to get her to pay him some. By doing that, he unknowingly did as he was wanted to do and Danielle smiled at him. ‘Good boy, hello.’ She knelt down and began to scratch under his ear. ‘You are far more cute that when I last saw you, are you being a good boy?’ The puppy, ecstatic with the attention, began to lick her hand. ‘I have a new friend for you, he is all nosey about meeting you, you are going to have so much fun together.’ she promised. ‘Did he get microchipped?’

‘Yes, and the vet nurse or receptionist or probably both, whatever she was, she said to look into insurance.’

‘Yeah, I need the microchip number to add him to the policy Mac is on, microchipping means a lower premium.’

‘So what is “pet insurance” exactly?’

‘Same as health insurance for us, if they get an issue and the vet needs to look into it, we can get them every sort of procedure done for little or nothing.’ She smiled. ‘Mac has never needed his, but it is something I think they should have regardless.’

‘Yeah, how will we sort that?’

‘Sort what?’

‘Well, you have Mac on it, so it is being charged to you.’

‘Tom, we are not going to start to half the bills.’

‘Why not, surely that is the best thing to do, we both pay them together?’

‘You want to do it that way?’ Tom’s face told her he thought it was the best idea. ‘Okay, sure, we can discuss it later at dinner.’ She looked at Bobby, who was sniffing at the kitchen door with his ears up, on the other side, there were responding sniffs. ‘Ready?’

‘How will we do this?’

‘I will go in and pull Mac back, you carry Bobby in and I will keep hold of Mac as you place him on the floor, we let Bobby make the first move. When he comes over, we wait for ears up and a tail wag from Mac and for Bobby to not look like he is about to pee himself, then I let go of Mac and we supervise introductions.’ She instructed.

‘If Mac does not like him?’

‘He will, he loves other dogs, but if, in the off chance that he goes insane here, I grab him and when I say get Bobby, you get him, not before.’ She ordered. Tom nodded and watched as she slipped into the room, him holding Bobby back as she did, the puppy’s ears perked as he whined at her for leaving them. ‘Hey, we talked about this, remember. Come over here to me and we’ll wait for him to come in, be nice.’ There was a moment of silence. ‘Okay Tom, come in.’

Tom lifted Bobby and walked into the room. When he got in, Mac seemed focused on Tom for a moment, wagging his tail happily at him before realising what was in his arms. Mac strained to get forward, his tail wagging already and his ears up as he sniffed the air in front of him to get as much of Bobby’s scent in as possible. Bobby, for his part, seemed as interested and was wriggling in Tom’s arms to get closer the other dog. Danielle gave the nod and Tom placed Bobby gently on the ground, as soon as he did, the puppy bounded the older dog, who shrank down as though attempting to not look as formidable to the pup. The sniffs only took a few moments before Bobby pawed Mac’s nose and the older dog playfully opened his mouth. Danielle let go of him and he immediately went forward, his two forelimbs on the ground with his behind in the air, urging the puppy to play.

‘Well, that went as expected.’ Danielle smiled, looking at them. ‘I knew they would get on. And you thought they would argue.’ She leant against Tom as she watched the dogs get to know one another. Tom continued to watch them as he put his arm around her, saying nothing.’Is something the matter Tom, you’re not acting like you.’

‘I am just wondering how I did not remember you were coming home this afternoon.’

‘Is that really bothering you that much?’

‘I had everything planned.’

‘Ooh, sounds fun.’ She smiled.

‘I was going to have dinner ready and everything and I feel like I fucked it up.’

‘You did not, please stop. You know I hate seeing you annoyed about something like this, it was a simple mistake.’ She pleaded. ‘Where did you two go for yourselves?’

‘Well, we went for a very short walk, since he is just fully vaccinated and he is less than pleased with his lead and harness.’

‘Mac will have him too occupied with fun to notice it from now on, wait and see. It cannot have been too short a walk, we are home for nearly two hours.’

‘I bumped into someone and we went for coffee.’

‘Ah, that makes more sense.’ Danielle nodded. ‘Anyone interesting?’

‘Lolita.’

‘From Hamlet, right?’

‘Yes.’

‘Very nice, how is she?’

‘Good, she is working on a slightly larger scale production soon.’

‘That’s good.’ Danielle gave a small smile and nod, she did not seem overly enthused.

‘Are you alright, you seem somewhat….off?’

‘Tired, worn out.’

‘Much paperwork?’

‘So much bloody paperwork, I did most of it while waiting to get the all-clear to come home, but there was a shit tonne of it.’ She leant into him. ‘I want nothing more than us and a few nights of quiet and maybe a few movies and to tidy it up before sending it.’

‘And plenty of dog walks.’

‘You are speaking my language.’ She moaned as she leant into him more. ‘Damn you smell good.’

‘Do I?’

‘Mmhmm. I saw the pictures by the way, of you and Bobby, you look so cute together.’

‘You’d swear I was caught out with another woman the way some of the photographers acted.’

‘But it is you, who is sexy and incredible looking, with an adorable puppy, have you any idea how that will look online for you?’ She laughed. ‘I can only imagine your fans, they are probably balls of baby talking mush right now. Can’t say I blame them, puppy looks good on you.’

‘You make me sound like Cruella DeVil.’

‘“Cruella DeVil, Cruella DeVil, if she doesn’t scare you, no evil thing will,” except maybe Thomas Sharpe, or the High Rise, actually yeah, maybe the High Rise, less dog eating here hopefully. You play a lot of villains.’

‘Laing is not a villain.’

‘High Rise is interesting, they are all villains in their own way. Laing not as much as others, no rape or needless fighting, but he was never one to nail his colours to the mast. A survivor, an adaptor, but still, willing to ignore the plight of others.’

‘Well, as the Jag campaign stated, we Brits make the best villains.’ He grinned.

‘Ye usually are the villains anyway.’ She retorted.

‘Really, Ireland versus England jokes.’

‘Hey, you invaded us, don’t be getting uppity when we make jokes about it.’ Danielle nudged him slightly. The dogs seemed to get over the formal introductions and were trotting around the room together. ‘Uh-oh.’ Danielle walked forward and scooped up Bobby. ‘Outside Mister.’

‘He wasn’t doing anything.’

‘He was sniffing, that is a boy choosing a peeing spot.’ She placed him on the ground and waited. Bobby got sidetracked by smelling the place, since Mac had scented it since his return home, but within five minutes, he began to pee. ‘Good boy, oh he is the best man.’ Danielle gave him attention as soon as he finished, Bobby adoring every moment of it, trying to lick her face as she bent down to pet him.

‘You cleaned up.’ Tom noted when he looked around. ‘I was going to…’

‘I got it sorted, I did not want Mac trailing it in the house.’ She smiled. ‘Ready little man?’ Bobby trundled over to Tom, his ears flopping comically. ‘I love him so much already.’

‘He is adorable.’ Tom agreed. When they walked in, Mac seemed to realise he had not given Tom a proper hello and ran over to him, wagging his tail excitedly. ‘Well hello, I missed you too. Did you look after our girl when you were away, did you have fun?’ Mac grumbled back at him. ‘We need to have a good jog tomorrow, just you and me.’

Bobby looked on curiously before Danielle sat on the floor, causing the puppy to rush over to her for attention. After Mac felt that he and Tom caught up, Tom looked to Danielle, who was looking at her legs where Bobby had decided to fall asleep. ‘I don’t want to wake him.’

‘You have to get up.’ Tom reminded her.

Mac trotted over before mimicking the puppy and used her as a pillow. ‘Well, now I’m fucked. I am not getting up for the afternoon.’ Danielle laughed.

‘You did that to yourself really.’

‘I am surprisingly okay with it.’

#I Hate You I Love You #chapter 116 #wolfpawn #tom hiddleston #Tom hiddleston fic

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ellaintrigue · 4 years

Photo

I need my peace.

I've struggled with PMS on and off for years, and let me tell you, PMS mixed with PTSD is so rough. I've heard of women getting murderous with that type of shit but I can still rationalize, fortunately. The first day of it I'm mad, the second day I'm emotional, the next day mad, etc., and it lasts about 5 days until I bleed.

My mother tells me to not discuss health issues in blogs or when I talk to men. She tells me to be less emotional, and not cry, especially in front of people. I've never wanted to cry in front of people, and in fact, I barely cry at all, but during PMS + high levels of stress it does happen. And sometimes I just cry and let it out and feel better. When my grandmother lay dying in hospice I got choked up and my mom turned to me and snapped, "DON'T START THAT" and I felt so trapped and miserable. My grandmother was doped up with her eyes rolling up in her head and gasping breaths from her heart failing and it was very hard to watch. And I may be a coward but I honestly would have felt better if I could have just cried a little. Not sobs but just some tears. After I left that day I bawled my ass off in my Oldsmobile. She'd never tell me to stop.

I hate censorship. I hate people saying racist things, gay-bashing, and calling women bitches and hoes, but when it comes to raw emotion and expression, where is the harm? Am I hurting someone that reads this, in admitting that I cry? In admitting I have period problems? In showing my body? I'm just... a human. A messy, scarred up, bubbly, angry, happy, sad, fucked up human. I can't write about happy beautiful things every day because that's not realistic and I don't want to.

Yesterday was eventful and also full of emotion, but not a negative day. I stayed up until 10 PM which is rare for me, and didn't eat. I last ate at 1 PM and woke up this morning starved and weak.

I definitely have some PMS still, and, any day, I want to lay in bed for 15 minutes after I wake up, either with my eyes closed or while listening to some music. I seriously need that little pause before I start my day, but some days IT IS. SO. HARD. TO GET.

I woke up shortly after 5:30 this morning, stretched, and did some thinking over the events of yesterday. I was in a good mood. Then I hear FaceBook messenger go off twice. Okay, whatever. I should turn the notifications off for the night but it's just too much to remember and fuck with somehow. I wish people would just not message me between 9 PM and 7 AM lol. But I do enjoy talking to my cousin, and let her know I had to go soon because I hadn't eaten in 16 hours.

Then the cats start slamming at my bedroom door, my dad texts me, my friend Trent dings messenger, and I'm just like, holy shit. Then my cousin mentions this gentleman she keeps saying I should talk to. I said if he wants to say hi, he can. She initially marketed it as the guy worked a lot and needed friends. You know, whatever. She first brought it up two months ago, then brought it up again today.

I'm not judging, not trying to complain about my cousin trying to be nice to me, but I talk to a loooottt of people. If someone wants to say hi to me, they can, but regardless of whether this guy wanted a friend or someone to date, I'm going to be more focused on people my own age. I know so many people over 40 that I really just want people under that and he appeared to be 50. For a while I had trouble finding friends so I participated in a social site outside of FaceBook and now talk to whoever from wherever. I also find men to talk to sometimes, to see if there's a dateable connection, but that isn't something I put much pressure on at this time.

I was involved with someone amazing mid-pandemic and am capable of getting men, it's just not something I'm going to write about or tell everyone. I think people have the misconception that because I'm a survivor of violence and a feminist that I have trouble dating but that's more my own pickiness. When I whine about dating scene things I'm just blurbing and blowing off steam, not exuding desperation. It would be lame to blog about who I'm actually talking to at the moment and spoil things. I do not need people making connections for me. 🤷‍♀️

I finally excuse myself from my talk with her, close off my computer, and leave my phone upstairs to do chores. Put my two male cats in their kennel while I clean their box, clean the old cat's box, and she whirls around my legs. She's become increasingly manic after developing a skin allergy to dry cat food. She's fine now physically but just constantly underfoot, trying to bite me all the time and generally being annoying as fuck. She has always had severe behavioral issues but this takes the cake. She wants the dry food so I try to give her a little bit throughout the week but yesterday she just woofed it down, puked it up then begged for more. That night she tried to bite my legs repeatedly. This morning she didn't want the vet-recommended wet food and tried to trip me and bite me the whole time I was trying to do chores.

I hurt my left foot so I'm having trouble moving it and I have to juggle that to avoid her, then I go outside and the black cat walks in front of me and stops and tries to sit on my feet over and over. Oh my God, I love all of them but I honestly don't know how people have kids and shit, they drive me fucking crazy. My ex's dog even drove me crazy, I hate noise in the morning, being tripped in the morning, my phone going off in the morning, people in the morning. It all drives me batshit crazy.

This is my own making since I have 4 cats because I had so many pets with my ex, and as I've mentioned before, I won't have more than 2 animals at a time after these eventually age and pass over the rainbow bridge. Anyway, this is my blurb for the week. I haven't had time to blog photos or do anything I want to do in days, it's all been work, family drama, and tons else.

Maybe one day I'll have a nice morning without noise, bullshit, and two-legged and four-legged creatures getting on my fucking nerves. Lol!

#Selfie #Vent #Life #Struggles #Annoying #PTSD #Emotions #Pinup #Womanhood #Real #Me #Trauma #Peace

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btswishes · 5 years

Text

I will adopt you.

Monsta X (Shownu) hybrid au

Part1 / Part2 / Part3 / Part4 / Part5 / Part6 / Part7 / Part8 /…

A/N: I finally got through part2, thank God.Hope you like it there are more parts to come.Sorry for any mistakes made.

Word count: 2,123

Warnings: I mean ,just normal 21 century teen cussing.

——————————————–

Mornings were the toughest for most of us. The sun peeked through the windows and lightly woke you up from the long night sleep.

“Mmmm.”you rolled over and rubbed your eyes, before expressing your annoyance.Rolling out of bed, you messed your hair up a bit and casually walked to the kitchen. Half a sleep yet still being able to start the day. You made some breakfast and sat down to eat. Before the first bite touched your mouth you facepalmed yourself.

“Nunu, ugh I forgot about Nunu.”with all the power than was waking up with you, you stood back up and pulled out your phone. You were leaning against the kitchen counter and googling food that is ok for dogs “Ok...lets see.” scrolling through the many posts, you got some helpful info “No sweet stuff, ait, veggies good for him, noted.”

Placing the phone onto the hard surface, one of your hands was on your hip while you were biting the finger nail on your thumb. “Do you I have anything at all from those lists?” it took some time but in the end you shrugged it off “Eh, who cares I ma wing it. DIY never hurt no body.”

Whipping up some veggies mixed with imagination and boom, looked pretty nice. “Hey now!”you stepped back to look at the plate “Looks good enough even for me. Any college kid would feel like they are eating in a 4 star restaurant if I gave them that.” it’s always nice to hype yourself up.

Grabbing the plate you walked into your room to find the big cuddle bear look alike ,still sleeping on the side of your bed. You were about to wake him up with a pat on the head, but a smug grin formed on your lips. You bend over and moved the food in front of his nose a few times. At first there was no reaction, but slowly his nose started moving up and down before his eyes shot open.In the nick of time you pulled the plate back up and lifted your finger.

“We are eating in the designated eating space of this house. No one wants their room to smell like breakfast even if that sounds good......” you drifted off into thought “Anyways, kitchen, now.”

The dog just walked past you. For a second you were shocked and followed. Placing the plate on the floor, you sat back down.”It feels like you understand me, somehow.” you were about to dig in when your eyes met the pup, he was sitting on the chair in front of you “No, bad Nunu. Down.” he looked at you and his ears stood in a confused position.

You tried to pull him down, but he kept coming back up. Since the sheer size of this dog it was way too much of a workout to keep trying to lift him up, so you just put the plate on the table and pointed at the food. “Well then since you will be joining me for breakfast, please dig in.” immediately after saying that he started eating, for a dog he ate so clean and proper. “Wow now, you are making me feel like the animal here.”

The storm had passed by since yesterday and the sun finally shined onto the freshly fallen snow. You leaned onto your hand and looked out the window thinking about what to do today. After washing the dishes, you grabbed a pen and paper and sat down on the living-room floor.

“What to do, what to do?” you looked around the house to see if there was something in particular pulling your eye.”I got food yesterday....but” the fluffy ball of fur sat down next to you, staring at the sheet between your fingers “I also got a dog.” patting Nunu’s head you made a firm decision “Alright! Today is Nunu day!”you squished his cheeks between your palms, but using his paw he pushed them down “You aren’t cute at all sometimes.” sighing you leaned onto the couch behind you “I have to get some dog stuff, better google necessities and jump out while it’s still sunny.”

You didn’t take long to get ready at all unlike yesterday. You locked the door behind you and jumped onto the elevator. You could feel the cold slowly creeping up as you were going down. The outside world was very bright and you covered your eyes with one hand and Nunu’s with the other.

“Don’t look up too much Nunu, it’s not good for your eyes.I think...” people were looking at you quite openly, but who wouldn’t keeping in mind the dog walking with you was huge. Kids were pointing, some would come up and ask if they could pet him and you would say that he is very lovable. It was more attention than you were used to, but strangely it didn’t feel like you were drifting through life anymore. It felt like this dog came out of nowhere and pushed you into the real world, it was a warm feeling you were yet to fully understand.

Deep in thought you would pet him from time to time, it was in a way comforting for you.Soon you found yourself at the destination.

“Luisa’s pet shop.” you read out loud “Well let’s go in and meet this Luisa then.”you opened the door and Nunu followed you in. The ring at the top of the entrance signalized the owner of your arrival.

The moment you made your first step you were hit with that oh so familiar pet shop aura, the sound of many different birds and animals just calling out to you. Most were just beautiful creatures.

The boy behind the counter introduced himself as Ace and after finding out about your needs he didn’t waste even a second and jumped right into the explanation. There were so many options that you weren’t used to ,so since Nunu reacted understandingly today, you decided that maybe if you let him chose what he wants it would be better. and faster Ace was quite interested at the scene in front of him. You were talking to the gigantic dog like a human and it was responding accordingly.

As you were paying, Ace commented on something “I have never seen a dog act like he does. Almost feels like he understand you 100%, fascinating to be honest. Extremely smart one for sure.”

You grabbed the bags and opened the door “Really? I thought ever dog was like that. Could it be because of his breed?”

“Ask the vet, i don’t know what kind of dog he even is.”

“Ok, well thanks a lot. See you later probs.”you said your goodbyes and walked out of the store. The cold wind surprised you. Being in the closed space for so long made you forget about the season it was outside. You took a double take at the business card Ace passed you and tried to orientate yourself to the vet.It didn’t take too long thanks to some lovely people you asked for directions.

“Oh wait, it’s here.” it was filled with pets and owners waiting for a check up. You walked up to one of the people working and explained what you had to. In just a matter of seconds they took Nunu and asked you to wait for a bit. You were sitting there for not too long when someone called your name.

“Yes, here!” walking into the cabinet you saw Nunu laying in a defensive position and his fur standing up. “OMG I am so so so sorry for this. Bad dog! Stay down! Nunu!” his teeth were out but you didn’t think much when you grabbed his mouth and turned his head towards yourself “The doctor is trying to help you now sit down a be good!” the pup’s eyes were wide open, but he calmed down on the table. It was as if he didn’t expect your bravery, putting your hand directly next to his razor sharp teeth.

You bowed a few times and continued saying sorry. The vet started laughing and assured you that it was normal and ok. She asked you to take a seat and have a talk with her. After the introductions, you shook hands and she pulled out some papers.The nurse left some doggy snacks in front of your pup for being good.

“So, we registered him in the system and you are officially his owner, so congratulations. I heard from one of the nurses that you don’t have any information about him other than gender ,since you picked him up a few hours ago.” you nodded “Ok then, I would shed some light onto these issues if you would like.” you were focused onto her “So, his breed is a caucasian shepherd, usually their highest is nothing compared to the one you have here.We did some over all health tests and he is as healthy as can be, pure breed as well even for his massive bear like size. He is 3 years old so around 27-28th human years.”

“Wow, so he is older than me? That is....a shock.” your eyes got wide for a second there

“Over all healthy pup you got there, he got all his shots didn’t even flinch.” the vet closed up the folder and smiled at him

“Wait, but then why did he become all defensive awhile ago?”

“Well, I think your dog has a very high masculinity level. He didn’t like it much when I lifted his tail.”

“Come to think of it he reacted like that when I was giving him a bath. I think he just might be shy or something like that.” you were about to stand up when the vet spoke

“Oh and, I know this is a touchy subject for some, but by law very big dogs like in your case have to always wear a leash. No matter how well behaved they are.” you pulled the one you just bought and placed it onto him

“Sorry Nunu, you heard what the vet said.” you gave him a treat after so it wasn’t super uncomfortable “I will come again next month right?” the vet nodded “Great, have a nice day and sorry again for his reaction. Nunu had walked out of the office before you ,when in motion the doctor stopped you “Oh I almost forgot. Some full moons can cause changes in a dog’s behavior, for the first few full moons ,I advice you to keep an eye on him so you know how he reacts.Basically get familiar with the actions and responses. He is quite the big dog and the masculinity issue can make him more aggressive.So in the future it will be a lot more easy for you if you just find out his behavior patterns early on.” you noted everything the vet had told you and soon said your goodbyes.

As you were walking casually with him, the leash was around your wrist as one of your hands was holding the bags and the other was keeping warm in your pocket. Nunu seemed pretty tame to you, but of course the vet had way more experience, so you were thinking about tonight. Not long after ,you unlocked your apartment door and threw the bags on the couch.With a long sigh of relief you plopped next to them and relaxed your head back.

“Pew, that was one hell of a journey we had today.” as much as you didn’t want to get up, you had to change “Come here for a bit boy.” Nunu followed you and you took off his collar since you were worried it was too tight. You placed it next to your jewelry nice and neat.

“Look, now both of us can use this vanity.” still sitting on the chair you began taking off your shirt, but once you fully removed it, you noticed that Nunu had left the room without you noticing. Shrugging it off ,you put some comfy and warm clothes on and went back to the living room, turning on the TV. Time was flying by when you noticed the sudden movement around your legs.

The pup couldn’t seem to get into a comfortable position, which made you laugh out a bit under your nose. Not even a second later you remembered the conversation with the vet and saw the sun already setting. After a quick google search you opened your notepad app. With a fast finger motion you typed in Becomes uneasy the moment the sun starts to disappear. “Interesting.” Since his movements stopped you tried to concentrate on the show again, but he had become way more interesting.What else could he be doing tonight ?

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storm-driver · 4 years

Text

i’ve got a story about a veterinarian visit that’s leaving me with a bad taste in my mouth

my newest dog, Lucky, started getting more and more aggressive with my other dog, named Bear, and would snap and growl at him before the two started getting in all out fights. this was sudden behavior that came entirely out of nowhere (to my attention) after i’ve had Lucky for a little under 2 years now.

to help alleviate this, we began separating the two, but Lucky would only get anxious being upstairs with me, while Bear would sit at the stairs and wait for his friend to come down. but if the two ever got near each other, they would go right back to howling and snapping.

it took us a few weeks as the incidents of fighting became more and more common before we took them both to the vet clinic to have them evaluated. i’ve suspected that Lucky is having some serious anxiety as he is a dog that gets frightened by an oven alarm. my mother couldn’t think of anything in the environment that would trigger the sudden onset of anxiety so she insisted we take him to the vet to see if there was anything to be done. we’ve had to keep the dogs in entirely separate parts of the house until this appointment, out of each other’s sight, to even alleviate the howling from behind closed doors.

when we got to the vet, they had signs all over the establishment that stated we weren’t allowed in the building due to the threat of the COVID virus spreading and that they would come out to our cars and talk to us about our animals to determine if they needed to be brought in (without their owners unless the owner needed to be present, i should mention). we got there on time for the appointment, vet came out nearly 13 minutes after we were scheduled to be brought in and told us he was only going to do a 15 minute appointment with us because of how busy he was that day.

while we were waiting around outside and getting some fresh air, Lucky was shaking and crying and i couldn’t do much but try to soothe him. i knew he was having some major anxiety, but i wasn’t sure what to do. eventually the vet came out and told us to sit outside on the benches, but he kept a very large distance away from us, even the dogs. he was constantly being interrupted by other patient’s requesting his assistance. i should mention, there was no emergency going on. these were just patients walking up to him and he completely turned away from us to address them.

what little conversation we were able to get going, he immediately jumped to the conclusion, WITHOUT examining EITHER of my dogs, that Lucky is an inherently aggressive dog. i told him that this behavior was very sudden and Lucky has never been aggressive anytime before the past few weeks, he’s never been so mean like this in the past 2 years that i’ve had him.

but the vet told me that it must be inherent aggression and that there was nothing we could to do help it. he suggested that Lucky then be sent to another home with other owners. when i tried to tell him that i thought it was anxiety, he waved it off and kept telling us that we can try to fix it, but we shouldn’t expect results.

I want to reiterate that this veterinarian, a man who is able to treat injured or diseased animals, as well as aid them psychologically and identify their issues, told my family who that the ONLY way to help my anxious dog (who has HUGE separation issues when I need to leave the house just to throw the trash out) is to send him to live with another family. To separate him from a family that he has known for just shy of two years after we found him on the street and took him in to be vaccinated and given a proper home. The veterinarian told us to put him in another home because it was the only solution.

I was tearing up at the suggestion and I was afraid that I was going to start crying then and there. But as we were leaving, I pulled my phone out and started asking my friends, other people, looked it up online. It all said the same thing: sending my dog somewhere else was a last resort and there were definitely other ways to handle this situation.

I looked into it more. Asked more people about it. We noticed trends in when he was getting aggressive: when my other dog would follow him everywhere he went. We noticed that he must be feeling cramped because we recently put up a small gate to keep them from going upstairs and the four people, two others dogs, and three cats are living under the same roof. We noticed that Lucky gets scared of loud noises, and my parents often scream and shout across the house (and I will, as well).

To reiterate: my most anxious dog started getting very aggressive. We took him to a veterinarian, hoping to have him diagnosed or at least evaluated to see if the aggression was a health issue. Instead of asking us what home life was like, he took one look at my shaking and crying dog and told us that we would only be able to help him by sending him away. No physical contact with Lucky, not even within 6 feet of him. And he immediately dismissed us as soon as he’d made that verdict. I went to other sources about it, and they all told me that Lucky’s behavior wasn’t aggression and could in fact be treated.

I am going to do more research on how to help my dog. As of now, we still need to keep Lucky and Bear separated because Lucky will still get vicious at the sight of Bear. But I hate having to do this because Lucky very clearly doesn’t wanna be stuck in my room. I’ve been suggested to open back up the environment and undo all the changes that were made recently to help alleviate the anxiety. Of course, helping to ease Lucky’s fears and anxiousness is going to be a long-term task, but I plan to see it through to the best of my ability.

Life lesson of the day: Don’t just take one person’s word for fact, even if they have a lot of credentials. I realized after the fact that this was the same veterinarian who told my family that my oldest cat of 19-years old (he’s older than me!) was going to die when I was 14-years old from some sort of kidney issue. Yes, my 19-year old cat is still kicking, even if a little on the weak side. But he’s extremely healthy and happy today. Because we stubbornly fought the notion that my cat was going to die and we looked for other people and other treatments and we found it and he’s still alive.

#stormy weather #long post #dogs #anxiety #to anyone out there that might be a veterinarian or has knowledge on how to help animals with anxiety or other such #if you got anything at all i will gladly take what you can say to heart!#im sorry if this also comes off as a vent post but i am really sick of how that veterinarian just resigned to such an awful solution #one that wouldnt even guarantee a happy ending

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cewija2492-blog · 4 years

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Puppy Mills Versus Ethical Breeders

I think the general article is very confused about the definition of the two topics in this article. My purpose with this article is to anticipate some issues. https://namesofloyaldog.splashthat.com/

Today the first topic that I am going to write is Meet Pappi. As a responsible breeder, I hate puppy mills and anything close to them. The sub will define anyone who raises dogs for profit as a puppy mill. I believe a better definition would be anyone who raises dogs for profit, regardless of their well-being or care. A puppy mill has terrible conditions where dogs are kept in small, dirty cages without seeing the light of day. In my mind's eye I see dirty, bubbly, frightened dogs in the corner and breed several times a year with no human interaction. Puppy mills never have their dogs or puppies examined by a vet because they do not care for the health of their animals. Puppy mill puppies are always sold to brokers or middlemen, who then deliver them across the country, sometimes in critical conditions, to pet shops in large cities, relying on those they trust. Huh. Is a cute puppy. When you sell a puppy to a middle man, what encouragement do you have for a happy, healthy puppy father? You will not have to deal with any problem. Why do you try again? If people knew under which conditions the puppies were raised, they would not buy a dog grinder that would breed a puppy. However, people cannot see this and people are still inadvertently supporting Puppy Mills and will continue the cycle by supporting these immoral people. Often, puppies sold at pet stores become ill within the first few days or weeks, generating hundreds or thousands of dollars in veterinary bills. Unfortunately, veterinarians cannot always replace the damage caused by poor breeding, poor surroundings, improper preventive care, and unwanted dogs that have not been cleaned for breeding as a result of genetic defects resulting from breeding. Often, these cubs die, despite veterinary care and money to protect them. The money spent on a puppy in a poor quality pet shop is sometimes astronomical. In general, I always recommend that people never shop at the pet store until you can go to the breeders' house to find out their convenience and meet the parents. Another awesome practice in pet shops is making registration papers. Any registration other than AKC (this can also be unacceptable, although it is more difficult) will provide many papers without proof of paternity. If you notice, many large puppy mill industries are converting all of their dogs to ACA for several reasons which will be included in a future article. Stay away from breeders who only produce ACA, CKC, APRI or other blind registered dogs. It screams at Pappi Mill.

Pet shops are not just puppy mills, not puppy vendors. There are many private, backyard or illegal "breeders" who do not take proper care of their chickens or do not know what they are doing. Responsible breeding is much more than having two dogs mating and making puppies. Puppies are a big responsibility and this process should not be taken lightly. In 2009, Pennsylvania passed new dog laws that closed the state's largest puppy mills. Surprisingly, there have been over 800 dog kennels working legally in PA for decades. Some kennel owners refused to comply and would hold them until the state shut them down. Others voluntarily renounced their licenses but continued to run illegally. I think it happened more than anyone understood. Many large kennel owners were also land / farm owners with family members and friends who owned farms. Many dogs here and there are hidden in the pantry and backyards by friends and relatives, which have been overlooked, but illegally picked up and sold, detect flaws in the law. I warn people to make sure your breeder has a state license and visit your home or facility to see where your puppies are.

Ethically responsible breeders research potential fertility to ensure that they are healthy and irrelevant. A good breeder reviews all breeding dogs twice a year and allows them to breed. Females need to be reared most often once a year and then, when they are 5 to 6 years old, the sheltered loving shelters have to end their lives. Immoral breeders cannot do this because then people will see the status of their breeding dogs and report them. There are many different protocols used by good breeders, but all good breeders ethically care for their dogs and puppies and have them checked by a veterinarian at least once a year. Good, clean furniture is also necessary, and a happy, friendly cub is a product of good socialization. When requesting a reference from your potential breeder, you should have a list within a few days. You can also get information about the vet upon request. Your breeder should answer emails or phone calls in a timely manner and be aware of their gender. Parents should be able to answer questions about register, health, age, availability of puppies, etc. A good breeder knows their dogs and puppies and you should not come back often with the requested information. You should be able to meet the parents upon arrival and see the facility first.

In fact, if you do a little research and ask a lot of questions, you should be able to find a good breeder. Use your gut feelings about someone; It is usually reliable. Buying a puppy is a huge commitment and you should never be forced to make a hasty decision. A good breeder wants you to trust your decision and encourage you to take the time to make that decision. Many breeders lie and tell you that someone else is interested in the puppy you asked and if you don't buy it quickly, they won't be there when in reality no one else asks for the puppy. I have heard it many times from breeders and the way people take advantage of it makes me laugh.

A good breeder's breeding program should be its main function, not something ahead of it. When someone puts all their time and energy into their breeding program, they are likely to do better. When it is completed it is a full-time job. You cannot do without making a profit because you have to work and live. It costs to get the facility required by the state and you may have to pay for it. In fact, if you are going to do it correctly and it costs a lot to raise a dog and it should be your main activity or it can go well. The definition of sub is a bit extreme. I do not know anyone who takes hours to run a kennel and does not make a profit. Your main job is to do it for free and only pay for small part-time jobs. I do not think profit should be the main focus of promotion. Producing high quality, happy and healthy puppies for humans and improving the breed you produce should be the primary focus of any breeder. If it is lost, the priorities will be messed up.

Be sure to ask as many questions as possible, talk to your breeder in person and visit the facility if possible. Ask for references, talk to people who have actually been there, and go through your instincts. A puppy purchased from an ethical breeder can bring you joy and happiness for many years to come. Anything can change.

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ruthoakenshield · 4 years

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The Lady in Black Leather (chapter 6)

The Lady in Black Leather (chapter 5)

The next morning you wake to the sound of someone lightly snoring and you have the song ‘Pretty Woman’ stuck in your head for some reason. You lay there humming it to yourself quietly and then decide to open your eyes and instantly realize you have a hangover headache from the whiskey. You groan quietly and squint to see what is making the snoring sound. Your eyes get huge when you see the bare chest with dark hair of someone. You look up and realize it’s Richard!

You give a little squeak and look down. You sigh realizing he slept on top of the blankets and you are under them… you hope nothing intimate happened last night, which seems to be a bit of a blur.

You vaguely remember watching Aiden, Scarlet, Orlando and his friend all playing twister, and then people singing karaoke. Is that where the song got stuck in your head? Then you suddenly remember standing in the kitchen in Richard’s arms as he sings it to you quietly while someone in the Living Room is horribly singing it. You remember talking with Richard and playing ‘Ice hockey’, which makes you grin and giggle, and you remember talking with Martin about something then going to watch a movie and sitting in Richard’s lap as you did so.

You hear Richard’s breathing change and you look up to realize he is looking down at your head that is resting on his shoulder. His arm is under your neck and loosely wrapped over your waist, cradling you against his side.

He gives you a little squeeze. “Mornin’ sweetheart.” He tells you with a grin.

“Um, morning.” You reply bashfully. “What am I doing here? Where am I?” you ask him.

He chuckles. “You fell asleep on my lap while we watched the movie downstairs.” He tells you. “Don’t worry, though, a bunch of other people are passed out on the furniture and floor in the living room too. I decided you’d probably feel more comfortable up here, away from everyone else.” He informs you as he turns on his side to face you.

“You’re in my room right now. I wanted to make sure you were ok during the night and didn’t have any problems after the whiskey you drank.” He says with a smirk. “Though it wasn’t the four or five you had the other night.” He says with a grin.

You groan. “Thanks… I’m having a bit of a hangover headache. That stuff Graham brought was really strong!” You tell him.

Richard chuckles. “I figured you might. I’ll get you something for it when we go down for breakfast. Don’t be surprised if people tease us a little. Don’t worry though, nothing happened. I put you under the blankets and made sure I slept on top of them. All that happened was you cuddling with me.” He assures you and kisses your forehead. “Though they probably won’t believe us if we told them that.”

“Thanks, Richard, for not taking advantage of me.” You say quietly.

Richard cups your face with one of his hands. “I was warned not to by Graham.” He grins when you give him as surprised look.

“You’ve been through enough right now. I know you didn’t need that on top of everything. I had no intention on doing such a thing anyway. If I’m gonna make love to a woman, I want her to be sober for it so she will give her consent and remember what we do.” He tells you as he kisses your forehead and nose. “And though you weren’t sloshed like some of my guests were, you weren’t completely sober either.” He says with a grin.

You giggle, “Ice hockey and Pretty Woman”.

And he chuckles. “Ahhh, so you DO remember that part of the evening!” he teases.

You blush and duck your head in his chest. “I had fun with that.” You mumble. You hear and feel his laugh reverberating in his chest. “I did too, Love. We’ll have to do it again sometime, my little Ice monster!” he teases.

You sit up and giggle. You lift the blanket and look to see how clothed you were. You look over at him surprised.

He grins. “Don’t worry, sweetheart, I only took your corset and boots off. Didn’t think it would be terribly comfortable for you to sleep in a corset, and well, the boots just had to go.” He said with a grin. “No boots in bed!” he teases, making you laugh.

“Don’t know how you can stand wearing something so tight as that corset! How the heck did you get into that??? I had a heck of a time trying to get it off you. Thought I was gonna break those hooks!” he informed you with an arched brow.

You giggle, “You’re supposed to loosen the laces in back first.” You inform him. He gives you a raised eyebrow. “Kind of hard to do that when you’re sound asleep.” He tells you. You just giggle again.

You yawn and stretch. “I like how the corset feels. It supports my chest better than a bra, and the tight feeling around my belly helps support me while my body adapts to the aftermath of my surgery.” You explain.

He looks at you for a moment. “Graham & Scarlett mentioned you had to have a surgery, but they didn’t say what it was for.” He told you. “Do you mind me asking what kind of surgery you had?” he says as he runs his fingers along the side of your face, brushing stray hairs away.

You close your eyes, trying to figure out how to tell him and worried how he will react. You sigh and remember what Graham had told you in the car. You hoped it didn’t disappoint Richard too much.

You sat up and scooted back against the headboard. Richard did the same and wrapped an arm around you, patiently waiting for you to gather your thoughts and answer his question.

“I had to have a hysterectomy.” You say quietly. “I had a large tumor growing in my womb that was very painful and was causing a lot of health problems for me. My doctor said it had pretty much taken over the inside of my womb and that I’d never be able to have kids because of it. He recommended the surgery to remove the womb and my ovaries, so there’s no further issues.” You tell him.

“It devastated me, since I always dreamed of having my own kids and feeling what it was like to be pregnant. But now I’ll never know.” You reply in almost a whisper, a few tears rolling down your cheeks.

“My boyfriend at the time was livid and didn’t believe me that I needed it despite the ultrasound pictures. He told me women were made to make babies and keep house and cook, and that if I had the surgery, I would be worthless, and damaged goods, and good for nothing but being a maid and his fuck toy.” You tell him and hear him quietly growl.

“I didn’t have a choice, I had to have the surgery, the pain during my periods was getting unbearable and I just couldn’t take it any longer. I had the surgery right after Christmas and he dumped me as soon as he heard what I did.

I still feel hollow and empty and worthless, like trash tossed to the side of the road.” You tell Richard quietly, your head hanging down.

“Graham tried to encourage me and told me not to believe what my ex told me, but the wounds are already there. I don’t know how to not believe them.

Scarlett tries to help me feel better about myself. That was why were went shopping the day I met Graham and you. I had just been cleared by my doc to return to normal activities and I was feeling like shit and was depressed.

We went through my closet and purged a lot of my old clothes. Then she took me to her favourite salon and paid them to give me a makeover, and do my hair, makeup and nails, then we went to shop. Graham literally ran into me and nearly knocked me off my feet when we had just come out of a store and were heading for another one.

He somehow keeps bumping into me in different places and has been really nice to me every time.” You tell Richard. “He’s not stalking me, is he?” you ask teasingly.

Richard laughs hard, “No, sweetheart, he isn’t stalking you.” He replies with some more giggles.

He pulls you close to him and gives you a hug. “I’m SO sorry you’ve had to go through all this, Sweetheart. Graham is right though; don’t believe the horrible things your ex has told you.

You are a treasure! You have SO much more value than just making babies! You ARE beautiful, inside, and out! You are sexy and seem to drive me crazy just thinking about being with you. I can’t get you off my mind!

You radiate a light that can only come from having an inner beauty, which is so much more important and desirable than just a sexy body on the outside. You are funny, a tease, and witty, and you’re a joy to be around.” He tells you and hugs you tight.

“Martin is very picky who he parties with and receiving an open invitation from him to party with him and his partner any time you like is a very big deal. Not many people are offered that!” he tells you. “We all think so much of you, Harley. We all want to see your ex punished for what he has done to you and we want to see you happy, thriving, protected and him out of the picture permanently.” Richard tells you as he holds you close.

“I know you don’t seem to want our help and want to do things on your own, but we all REALLY want you to be safe. Please, Sweetheart, let us get you the dog, to help comfort and protect you. We’ll pay for everything for it till you get situated and back on your feet. It would set our minds at ease knowing you have a trained guard dog who can protect you from creeps and assholes like your ex.” He says as he tilts your face to look up at him.

“Graham has friends who train dogs for this, and he can hook you up with the perfect dog for you. We’ll cover the training costs, vet bills, food and pet deposit for you. You won’t have to worry about any of that and the dog will alert you when people with bad intentions are nearby and will attack at your command if you are threatened.” He assures you.

You sigh. “I know, you all want me safe. I did think about Graham’s suggestion of getting one. I’ve never had a pet before though. What do I do if places won’t let me bring him in though? I don’t have a car to put him in, and I’m not just gonna tie him up outside the business all alone while I shop or eat.” You ask.

We can get together with Graham later today and you can ask him those questions. Perhaps you can ask the police who are handling your case as well. They may know how to get the dog registered as a service animal for you, then you should be allowed to bring him anywhere.” Richard tells you as you lean your head against his shoulder.

“What do ya say, Harley, will you let us give you a gift like this?” Richard asks quietly.

You sigh. “What if the dog doesn’t like me? I’m terribly afraid of some kinds of dogs.” You tell him.

“What kinds of dogs are you afraid of, Love? We’ll be sure not to have them as an option.” He tells you.

“Pitbulls, Boxers, Rotties, Pincers, and Dobermans,” You reply. “or any kind of dog mixed with them.”

“What kind of dogs do you think you’d like?” Richard asks.

“I don’t know. There are so many different breeds, I don’t know the names of them. My friend had one who looked like a cross between a sled dog, a German Shepperd and a wolf. It was a pretty grey color and stood taller than me when she got up on her hind legs!” you said with a giggle. She was a good guard dog for them. I guess I’d have to see what my options are and go from there.” You sigh.

Richard grins and looks you in the face, “So is that a yes?” he asks.

You look into his eyes and see how badly he wants you to agree to this. You see he truly cares about you and wants to help. You nod and he gives you a dazzling smile.

“Thank You, Love. I will sleep better at night knowing you have a dog to protect you when we can’t be there to do it.” He whispers in your ear and kisses your cheek and neck.

You close your eyes and enjoy the feeling of security and love he creates in you when he holds you in his arms and kisses you.

“Mmmmhmmm.” You reply as you reach up into his hair and run your fingers through it.

Richard groans and moves to sit back up. “We better stop before I lose my self-control, Love. I don’t want to push you into anything you’re not ready for.” He tells you.

“Richard?” you ask quietly.

“Yes, Love?” he replies.

“I know we just met, but for some reason, you make me feel safe and loved in a way no one else ever has. I’ve never been treated the way you treat me. Why do you do it? Why do you treat me the way you do?” you ask.

He smiles at your confession. “Sweetheart, I try to treat all women with respect. My father taught me that women are to be respected and treated the way I’d want my sister or mother to be treated. That they aren’t just some sex toy to play with and then cast aside.” He explains as he cups your face with his hands and leans his forehead against yours.

“He taught me to see the value in kindness and compassion, and how to recognize someone who is beautiful on the inside and not just put emphasis on the outer appearance.” Richard explains.

“I see people for who they are, not just how they look. My father always said, ‘One man’s trash is another’s treasure.’ And I believe he is right. We’re all a little broken in some way on the inside.

In Japan, broken objects are pieced back together with gold and are seen as something of great value. Stained glass windows are beautiful to look at and are made from broken pieces of colored glass, Mosaics also are beautiful and are made from broken pottery or tile pieces. All are beautiful in their own, unique way, and are created from broken things. People are no different.” He tells you with a sad smile.

“You have a uniqueness that caught my attention from the moment I first saw you. Like a beautiful stained-glass window with sunlight shining through it. I can’t explain it, but it is there. You glow in a certain way when you are happy and relaxed, and it is intoxicating to see and be around.” He tells you.

“I wanted to ask you to be my girlfriend, when you were getting ready to leave the bar, but I didn’t know how to say it with out coming off as an idiot.” He confesses. “You make me happy and I hope I can do the same for you, Harley, if you’d let me?” he tells you with hope and love reflecting in his baby blue eyes.

You look into his face and see his sincerity. You close your eyes and remember Graham’s words about Richard being different from your former boyfriends, and how Graham promised Richard would treat you right and how he speaks from the heart and means what he says.

You open your eyes again and look into his hopeful ones. You sigh. “You really want to date me despite what a mess my life is right now? I know you value your privacy, and this could get quite messy if my ex tries to get his way. I don’t want you dragged into this mess and have it published all over the tabloids.” You tell him quietly.

He takes your face in his hands and he tells you, “I want to help you out of this mess, Harley. You don’t have to try and clean it up all on your own. Let me help you, be my girl and let me be your refuge in this storm.” He begs.

You look up at his eyes and then give him a small smile and nod. “Ok, Rich, if that is what you want.”

He gives you a HUGE grin and pulls you in for a tight hug, releasing the breath he didn’t realize he had been holding.

“Thank You, Love. I promise I will treat you better than what you’ve had before. I cherish you and you are my treasure; I hope I can be yours!” he tells you and kisses you silly. Making you giggle and hold him closely.

You hold each other contentedly for a few minutes until your tummy starts to growl and gurgle. You giggle and say, “I think I need some breakfast or it’s gonna eat me from the inside out!”

Richard looks at you and starts belly laughing as he puts a hand on your grumbling tummy. “Ok, Love, let’s get up and go see who else is awake and hungry.” He says grinning and helps you out of the bed.

He watches with fascination as you grab the corset and untie and loosen the laces at the back and shift it till the laces are all even. Then you put it on and hook the hooks in the front. You lean forward (and away from Richard) and adjust your girls so they sit where they are supposed to, then stand up and walk over to the mirror and fumble around looking for the center loops to start cinching it.

Richard sees you fumbling with the back lacing and comes over hesitantly putting his hand on yours. “Here, Love, let me help.” He says quietly. You look over your shoulder and see him looking down at the laces.

“Ok.” You reply quietly turning to face the mirror and lean over slightly so he can see the lacing better. “Find the center loops and start to pull so all the laces are tight and there’s no slack anywhere. Make sure the top and bottom stay fairly even. I don’t want it looking like a triangle in back.” You explain.

He finds the center loops and begins to pull them slowly. He helps you adjust the back panel, so it covers where the laces rest against your back, then little by little he cinches the corset closed working up and down the laces to make sure they are the right tension and being careful not to get it too tight.

You are standing in front of his long dresser and glance up into the mirror. He is standing behind you, bare chested, intently focused on getting you laced up properly. You are slightly bent forward leaning on the dresser with your long, frizzy braid hanging over your left shoulder.

He finishes tying the laces and gently tucks them in to the weave like you told him to. He glances up and sees you watching him. He rests his hands on your hips and smiles happily at you in the mirror.

Richard feels like lacing you into your corset is such an intimate act and he is honored that you trust him enough to do this. He tries to be careful to not tug too hard and keeps asking you if it’s too tight or too loose, doing his best to keep communication open. When he ties off the laces and tucks them in, he glances up to the mirror and sees you watching him. He smiles at you happily and rests his hands on your hips, enjoying the curves the corset creates.

He gently pulls you to stand and then pulls you so your back rests against his chest. He wraps his hands around your middle and leans down, placing his hands on your lower belly. He looks into the mirror at your beautiful, beaming face and he is just so taken by you.

“Don’t feel bad about having to have your surgery, Love. It doesn’t bother me. I love you for who you are. If you decide you want kids, we can always adopt some, that is, if you decide to keep me around.” He says with a chuckle. “I love you, Harley, and there is no surgery in the world that you could have that would ever change that, my Love for you is steady and unfailing.” He whispers into your ear, then kisses your cheek.

You stand there, his arms wrapped around you in a loving embrace, holding your belly that once held a womb, and hearing him say that it doesn’t bother him that that part of you no longer exists, and hearing his affirmation of love, it all sends tears of joy rolling down your cheeks. You can hardly believe this is happening and keep expecting to wake up from this amazing dream. How can anyone be so wonderful!?!

He sees the tears rolling down your cheeks and turns you gently to face him. He takes your hands and he backs up to sit on the end of the bed, pulling you along until you’re standing between his thighs. Richard looks at you, concerned, and dries your tears with his thumbs. “You ok, Love?” he asks a little worried.

You nod. “I’m just a little overwhelmed. I never thought I’d hear anything like that from a man after what I’ve been through. I don’t deserve it. He told me no one would ever love or want me because I can’t bear children” You reply, looking down at your hands.

“Sweetheart look at me,” he tells you gently as he cups your face. You look up into his handsome face, “you deserve my kind words more than anyone else I know. Remember what Graham and I told you, ignore everything your asshole ex ever told you. His words are poison. Don’t let it affect you.

I know you don’t believe yourself to be beautiful, or sexy, or desirable. I often feel the same way. I don’t understand what it is that people see in me. So, I get it, Sweetheart, it can be overwhelming to hear sometimes. Especially if we’ve been bullied or harassed and believe the lies they told us. But we still need to be reminded that people find us truly attractive and why they find us that way. It helps us heal when people tell us they love us, that they find us attractive, despite our insecurities. Ok?” he tells you. “In time, we start to believe it, the more we hear it from those who mean the most to us.”

You nod. “Thank you, Rich.” You whisper as you hug him around the neck.

He smiles and returns the hug. “My pleasure, Love. Now are you ready to face everyone downstairs who will most likely be hungover and hangry?” he asks.

You groan and he chuckles. “Come on, you can help me make breakfast and I’ll get you something for the headache.” He tells you as he kisses your lips in a breath-taking kiss.

You grin and return the kiss. You both groan when you hear someone holler up, “Rich, you awake up there?”

He chuckles and the two of you move to the door of his room. You look in the mirror again and groan. “I need to wash my face before going anywhere and comb out my hair.” You say as you pull your braid around your shoulder to look at how frayed it is.

“Ok, Love, there’s a bathroom just down the hall there to your left. Don’t worry about your hair right now, I’ll lend you my brush and comb after we eat.” He tells you. You nod and he kisses you again, then heads down the stairs as you head to the bathroom to wash your face.

@fizzyxcustard @thetherianthropydaily @queenofmankind @emrfangirl @midnight-reader-morning-sleeper @daisy-picking-lady @spookybunny

#The woman in black leather #Harley #richard armitage #he asks her out...finally #confessions #encouragement #building her up #corset #lacing #fluff

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