#perhaps it doesn't matter

[that-ineffable-devil]

Azazel. Now hold on, let me finish. Not the yellow-eyed demon from Supernatural. We're talking about another yellow-eyed demon, one with far better hair and a heart of gold.

In certain texts, Azazel is a fallen angel--one of the rebel leaders who lead a group of fallen Watchers. He is also associated with/identified as Samael. I'll cover Samael more in another post, because both Azazel and Samael share quite a few similarities with our snake-eyed devil.

All of which could be merely circumstantial or even just inspiration for some of Crowley's true past.

But let's suspend disbelief a moment as we dig through apocryphal texts, hmm?

The Scapegoat Ritual

To summarize, in the scapegoat ritual, two kid goats are chosen for sacrifice. One (kid) goat is sacrificed to God, while the scapegoat is released into the wilderness/desert to carry with it the sins of the people.

The specifics of how it's released depend on religious tradition, but a lot of them seem to be focused on releasing the scapegoat alive to Azazel.

Whether he was worshipped as a pseudo-deity, given the goat symbolically, or they were actually just talking about the name of the desert is a mystery for people smarter than me.

For the purposes of this, we'll assume they were referring to the fallen angel. We know such a fallen angel with a particular fondness for kids and goats, and a desire to see them live, not be sacrificed.

But that could just be coincidence. Circumstantial evidence at best (I mean, it all is). There's more to Azazel than goats, right?

Why yes, there is.

Relationship with Humanity

In fact, quite a bit of apocryphal deliciousness can be found discussing Azazel and his celestial and infernal relationship with humanity.

For example, in the Books of Enoch, he is credited with (accused of) giving knowledge to humanity. Allegedly, he was responsible for teaching people:

The art of warfare and crafting armor and weapons.

"The art of deception by ornamenting the body, dyeing the hair, and painting the face and eyebrows."

The art of witchcraft.

He's also known to have corrupted their manners.

Now, today's Crowley wouldn't be keen on giving humans knowledge of warfare. He's not a particular fan of humans dying. But we know Crowley has taken credit for human innovations before. There's also a possibility that Enoch falsely accused him--we'll see he's got motive later.

But teaching people the art of deception, witchcraft, and corrupting their manners?? Sounds very much like Crowley. (Also...witchcraft? Crowley? Aleister Crowley?? It's too much.)

Azazel has also been associated with and/or identified as Prometheus, who was cast from Olympus for giving fire (knowledge, technology, civilization, etc.) to humans.

If nothing else, Crowley tempted dear Eve into eating the apple, giving her knowledge of good and evil.

Azazel, the Serpent, and the Bird

In the Apocalypse of Abraham, Azazel is associated with the Serpent in the Garden of Eden--aka our dear Crowley. But that's not the only similarity...

In the text, Azazel appears as an unclean bird and this whole exchange takes place:

And the unclean bird spoke to me and said, "What are you doing, Abraham, on the holy heights, where no one eats or drinks, nor is there upon them food for men? But these all will be consumed by fire and ascend to the height, they will destroy you." And it came to pass when I saw the bird speaking I said this to the angel: "What is this, my lord?" And he said, "This is disgrace – this is Azazel!" And he said to him, "Shame on you, Azazel! For Abraham's portion is in heaven, and yours is on earth, for you have selected here, [and] become enamored of the dwelling place of your blemish. Therefore the Eternal Ruler, the Mighty One, has given you a dwelling on earth. Through you the all-evil spirit [was] a liar, and through you [come] wrath and trials on the generations of men who live impiously." — Abr. 13:4–9

Azazel's lot is not in heaven, it's on Earth, because that is what he chose. That is what he loves. That is where life is. Sound familiar??

Azazel and the Metatron

Now this was the bit that got me REALLY interested. Azazel is one of three angels that opposed Enoch's becoming the Metatron.

Azazel was already a fallen angel by this point, but he was still permitted to be in and have a voice in heaven. It wasn't until the Metatron cast him and the other two dissenters out that he was removed from heaven permanently.

We know based on nothing more than a particularly dirty look that the Metatron does not care for Crowley AT ALL.

Could it be that Angel!Crowley was against his ascension to his current station?

Does the Metatron find him so threatening that he had to wipe (much of) his memory?

Could that be why he has no memory of his interactions with other angels before the Fall?

Could there be two other angels with similar situations?

Was Aziraphale on the fence--or even on Crowley's side before the wipe???

I HAVE MORE QUESTIONS THAN ANSWERS.

[figureofdismay]

Would Americans in the 90s use the term 'art silk' for poly/nylon/rayon imitation silk or am I being influenced by reading too many British authors again?

[uncanny-tranny]

The weirdest double standard is trans people can only ever "identify as" and cis people just "are," and the more time goes on and people start realizing this, I hope this will change

[canisalbus]

I really appriciate how often Machete is depicted struggling and feeling like a burden, while still being loved and supported by Vasco. It gives the top tier angst of "i'm not good enough, I'm not worth it" but you frame it in such a way where it's clear that's just how he *feels* and is not how things really are, but also it's so nice to see someone who struggles quite often in a loving and unique relationship that suits them. The narrative of not being able to love or be loved unless you're consistently healthy is really tiring lol.

.

[iwritenarrativesandstuff]

Chapter 105.5 Thoughts: Control, Manipulation and Partnership

Or, how Chuuya is actually the most qualified character to land a victory over Dostoevsky.

I just want to preface this with: I think Chuuya has woken from the brainwashing. We can't see his eyes, he's holding his hat again, and look at the progression of his face and expression from the last few chapters with him (these are in order btw from left to right).

I'm not completely sure how he did this, but I chalk a lot of it up to sheer stubborn determination on Chuuya's part, mostly because it's funny and he was clearly fighting back before Dazai's speech. However, I find it likely the speech did contain some kind of code - others have pointed out how "Goodbye!" might be a reference to the original author's last unfinished book and we know skk's codenames for things generally are based off their real counterparts' works so, maybe he'd already broken out of it, maybe there was something in there that gave him the final push - who knows at this point honestly? Either way, it means Chuuya had the capacity to break out of the vampire curse on his own and that's incredibly funny to me for many reasons but mostly:

Fyodor: "Bold of you to assume Chuuya's ability can't overcome flooding."

Dazai: "Bold of you to assume Chuuya's personality can't overcome brainwashing."

But really, this highlights something interesting here, both in what Chuuya's role is ultimately intended to be in this arc, and in the way Fyodor and Dazai manipulate and value others in very different ways.

I've said it before but it bears repeating: we already know that Fyodor is an excellent long-term planner, while Dazai is effectively able to counter him because Dazai shifts into thinking like his opponent. They're foil characters for a reason; they're both highly intelligent, manipulative, and willing to play the long game for the sake of winning against their opponent.

Thing is, I also stand by the idea that personality-wise, they're not similar at all - and that has serious implications for the people they are connected with. The build-up to the prison escape arc really highlights this. Some examples:

Chapter 46: Fyodor believes that all people are sinful and foolish and that his goal is to remove sin. Dazai believes that all people are sinful and foolish but asks what's so wrong with that.

Chapter 64: They decide to have a "super-happy chit-chat" about their problems. Dazai's solution to Fyodor's issue with his lazy subordinates is to get them to think lazing around is a bad thing so they will put in effort of their own. Fyodor's solution to Dazai being unable to woo the waitress is to isolate her from her job, house and family so that she can only rely on Dazai.

Chapter 77: Fyodor believes god is perfection and harmony, and thus that the people capable of change are the superior ones with most control. Dazai believes god is the accidental and illogical and believes it is the ordinary people who fight and live in that uncertainty who create the greatest change.

So, what's happening here? Fyodor's manipulation is shown to be very exacting and direct. He leaves no room for error and regards people on a hierarchy - God above all, himself as a servant of God's will, and the sinful and foolish humans he has little regard for. Dazai's manipulation involves manipulation of the situation, and is often indirect. It involves people coming to the conclusion he intends for them to on their own. And from his later dialogue with Sigma, we see he doesn't regard the world in that same kind of hierarchy.

Now, look at the way Fyodor picks an item and Dazai picks a person when starting the game. Look at the way Fyodor refers to Chuuya respectfully but brainwashes him entirely and mocks Dazai for not being worthy of "using" his ability. Look at the way Dazai is a complete ass to Chuuya but ultimately lets him make his own choices (begging people to take note of that moment in Stormbringer where Dazai cuts himself off to correct his referring to Corruption as Arahabaki's true power to Chuuya's true power).

So, the actual strength Dazai has over Dostoevsky then, is not really his strength at all, it's the strength of others and their choice and willpower to act in the way they believe is best. It's the only means of getting a leg up on Dostoevsky, otherwise they will continue to go around and around in circles forever.

And Chuuya is the best candidate for finally throwing Fyodor off his game.

Firstly, let's just establish something: no matter how mad he is at Dazai, he's not going to side with Fyodor, not willingly. Fyodor threatened the Mafia in the Cannibalism arc by attacking Mori, first of all. I doubt he's forgiven him for that. Secondly, Fyodor embodies everything Chuuya can't stand about Dazai, at the very least, younger Dazai - the manipulation, the lack of consideration and connection with others, the callousness and lack of regard for life.

Well, perhaps he's not quite as irritating. +1 point for Dostoevsky I guess?

But lastly, it is more advantageous for Chuuya at this point to help fight against Fyodor, especially since most of the Mafia has been vampirized by his organization. Helping the Agency stop the terrorist plot will help the Mafia by extension by undoing that. And we know from Stormbringer that no matter how much Chuuya is personally hurt, he considers taking out the threat to his people a higher priority. Always.

(You could make the argument that he was told whatever Teruko told Atsushi and decided to join, but not only do I find this wildly out of character, but if that was the case then there would've been no reason to brainwash him.)

That said, I don't think this was preemptive "Dazai's master plan #3057", and in fact, I stand by the idea that Dazai had no idea Chuuya was going to be in the prison. It is very, very important to me that for the rest of this arc, no matter what Chuuya does, that his actions are his own. Not Fyodor's, not Dazai's, but his. And not just because I hate that he's being controlled right now and that freedom of choice has always been important for Chuuya.

But because it makes narrative sense.

The vampires are a bit silly, yes, but they represent the way Fyodor and Fukuchi think - humanity will commit atrocities. They cannot be trusted to make their own decisions. They want to make a world that is free by... mind-controlling people so their plans work without a hitch. In short, they choose, on behalf of others, to sacrifice human autonomy for peace. So, if we are going to turn this arc around, we need to have characters breaking out of that control and thinking for themselves, in spite of the uncertainty of the outcome.

We already see this with Atsushi in the last chapter! He finally takes initiative and makes that choice to leave the room when he doesn't exactly know what the right thing to do is. And this is also why I don't think Teruko is wholly convinced by the DoA either - she lets him go. She gives him the freedom to choose what he does with that information.

Another one of the focus characters here is Sigma. Sigma is a guy who has no past, whose humanity is questioned, who keeps being used by organizations for his valuable ability, who has no home but desperately wants one... oh wait. Remind you of anyone's younger self? This could go one of two ways: Chuuya fails to assert his autonomy, leaving Sigma to learn from that failure, or, Chuuya succeeds in asserting his autonomy, leaving Sigma to learn from his success.

I think it, by necessity, has to be the latter. Sigma's at a tipping point right now, and I think seeing someone try to assert their freedom only to fail would damage him greatly. And I think it's a waste of Chuuya's character honestly.

Chuuya needs to assert his autonomy in this arc. Not just for thematic reasons but because I can think of no one else who can effectively break the "super-genius stalemate".

I keep hearing "Dazai knows Chuuya" in response to Fyodor calling their bond shallow, and that is absolutely true! But Chuuya also knows Dazai. Incredibly well. Odasaku knew Dazai's soul, but Chuuya knows Dazai's mind, knows his strategies and ways of thinking without even needing words. What's more, Chuuya has thrown off Dazai before and done what he didn't expect him to.

Which is nifty, because Dazai and Fyodor think a lot alike. Chuuya is in a unique position to thwart Dostoevsky because he may actually be able to predict him to a degree. Chuuya can absolutely land a victory against him, and it's excellent because it would be completely unexpected to Fyodor, who apparently thinks Chuuya's strength lies only in what his ability has to offer and not much else.

But listen. This also can't be skk's plan. I need Chuuya to sideline both of them. Both for the sweet, sweet catharsis of putting those two idiot geniuses in their places and also because I need Dazai to have screwed up. He wasn't wrong about people making their own choices in uncertainty. People need to assert their autonomy to create change. Dazai can't be wrong in this regard.

But with going ahead with the trap to drown Fyodor despite also having to drown Chuuya when he promised not to let him get killed... this needs to have been a mistake, otherwise the value of Dazai's emotional speech to him is diminished.

I want Dazai to try to laugh it off. I want him to say he always knew Chuuya would escape and then for Chuuya to deck him because "no, the fuck you didn't".

I really think Dazai hoped Chuuya would make it. Do remember that Chuuya was one of the first reasons young Dazai decided to try giving life a chance. The fact that he flashbacked to all his key memories with Chuuya says a lot. But his survival was no guarantee and it seemed very unlikely.

So, Chuuya is faced with the fact that Dazai nearly sacrificed him to kill Dostoevsky and save his new Agency friends.

And I hope he finally gets mad. I hope he finally expresses hurt on his own behalf for once. I hope they are forced to break their status quo that they have carefully maintained by not talking about anything ever. I hope they are pushed to uncomfortable places and that it is Chuuya who finally spurs this development.

Let Chuuya break the stalemate between Dazai and Dostoevsky. Let him shatter the status quo that him and Dazai have kept going for year after year.

Autonomous action in the face of uncertainty is necessary for change.

[wolves-in-the-world]

the thing about eliot spencer as a character, right. the thing about him.

(and as always your mileage may vary on my analyses so if we disagree that's cool actually)

is that he is in fact a somewhat emotionally constipated idiot who is occasionally sensitive about his perceived masculinity and gets defensive about emotional intimacy around other men (largely hardison, who's much more comfortable expressing affection and embracing a softer kind of masculinity), but eliot displays enough emotional awareness and sensitivity and respect for women etc etc that anyone who's been subjected to that era of television will put on rose-tinted glasses without even looking twice.

(and he is, don't get me wrong, incredibly emotionally aware for a professionally punchy guy with enough trauma to sink the titanic. it still startles me to see.)

on top of which we have the layers and the accessories and the excellent hair with the secret braids and the way he barely has an ego and he's good with kids and protective of his team without taking it too far, and some of us never stood a fucking chance.

[magnusbae]

On the rare occasions when Hob is actually mad at Dream— he refuses to sleep. Coffee, energy drinks and the God forsaken awakeness pills? All fair game. If he has to inject caffeine directly into his vein, he would. Hob doesn't often get mad, but when he does, he likes to make a point. Dream and Hob match in more than one ways, really, they do. And so it is that the Dream Lord must come out of his realm personally to sprinkle sand into his lover's eyes because he'd be damned if Hob refuses his gift for more than two nights in a row. Not speaking for 100 years? Easy. Hob refusing sleep? Unacceptable.

[linya333]

Got a sudden hankering for a bingqiu fic where lbh is a dragon who sqq nurses back to health after finding him hurt as an adolescent. Sqq being the type of cultivator who is currently cultivating in seclusion on some type of mountain top by himself but still gets regular visits from just about everyone.

And lbh is afraid at first but just loves this man so much. And swears himself to the service of sqq for saving his life but despite being half human he has not yet cultivated a human form.

So sqq has this really cool dragon friend/disciple who helps him out and keeps him company.

And lbh has to leave to truly learn to change forms but also to master his abilities. And asks sqq to wait for him

And comes back a few years later a very handsome young man to court sqq.

But is having trouble getting anywhere!

And there are all these other annoying men about also wanting his man!? The outrage!

Except sqq doesn't actually realize this is his dragon? Just a charming and handsome stranger.

So there are shenanigans. Because lbh does also visit sqq in his dragon form! And is so warmly received. But though sqq is courteous to him in human form he is also rejecting his courting gestures there. how can this man be more accepting of his dragon from?

Lbh gets in fights with lqq in both forms. Someone gets it.

Eventually lbh cries to sqq and they figure things out. But it takes a while. Also sqq says something like: though lbh's human form is handsome it is not any better than he already looked! And they have a great relationship with lbh regularly switching between forms and being treated the same regardless

[yoruiichii]

and another thing about qijiu is like -

anytime shen (jiu) qingqiu gets into an "altercation" its like:

yqy, thinking: what happened? i need to know from him what happened so i can protect him from the consequences, no matter what it was and no matter how much he might be blamed. and what would have happened if i wasn't there to do so? before, he paid the price for things that were my fault, and last time i left him- (guilt spiral, etc.)

yqy aloud: what did you do?

shen jiu, hearing this, thinking: he thinks i'd do that? how low is his opinion of me really? does he truly think there are no depths to which i wouldn't sink? and i thought it couldn't be lower. so quick to blame me and ignore anyone else's part in this. so quick to distance himself from his sordid past.

shen jiu, aloud: i'm sure it makes no difference to you.

choose your fighter: yqy's unconditional devotion and inability to communicate vs. shen jiu's self-loathing making him interpret it as disinterest and blame (and also his inability to communicate)

[like-red-lads]

Day 3/8 : School

The nostalgia of our youthful romance

[furies-inthe-mirror]

three (3) of them

[perenians]

i get sad about lenore de hurst sometimes. like yeah! perhaps loneliness is the wizard's default state after all. lonely, with only mystra's hand as counsel and guidance. lonely with only your own words and plays and poems to fill the silence, and the automaton you've made for company. it's not enough, it's never enough, yrre, i miss you and your stupid puns and making your lightning inventions with you, please wait for me—i'll only be gone a few tendays, i promise—except ten years have passed and my tower collects dust and i am nowhere to be found

[absentlyabbie]

i've developed some interesting methods of handling having a relationship with my mother who made my childhood/teen years misery and committed more than a little abuse.

as an adult, we have a very different dynamic, her daughters (sister and i) have confronted her with a lot of her bullshit and the things she both did and enabled. for some she has been sorrowful and even sometimes apologetic. she's a better mother to me now than she ever was when i most needed one. so i'll never actually trust her again, and she'll never be much deeper than surface level in my life, but we have something mostly good now, and on my terms.

however, she is very definitely one of those "i don't remember it that way" and "i did the best i could" mothers in a lot of areas, and has also always been the type to (probably unconsciously) emotionally manipulate the people she's hurt into catering to her hurt feelings about it instead.

over the years i've learned to get really comfortable with just not indulging it.

is she having a bad day, seems sad and upset? i'll give her a hug, try to make her laugh. if she throws broad hints it's a surge of hurt feelings about having driven one of her children to cut her off? well i'm just gonna stand there and not acknowledge or entertain it.

"well, apparently i was a bad mother" or shit like that? i'm just gonna look at her for a second, and i might either shrug or even nod, but i'm not saying a damn thing. i'm not awkwardly, uncomfortably, painfully contorting to her guilt trip nonsense. i'm not apologizing or trying to soothe her or reassure her or minimize it.

like, yeah. you really were. you know it, glad to hear it. we've definitely had that talk.

best kindness, most generosity i can offer her in times like that is not maintaining eye contact to bluntly tell her "yeah, you were." she can go ahead and feel bad about it.

it's not on me to make her feel less bad. she should feel bad. and i am definitely not someone she gets to seek comfort from about it.

hopefully someday she'll inch past just "poor me, i'm so sad and angsty about it" towards, like, examining the whys and acknowledging what she actually did wrong and work actively to be be better. in a few places, some of that has happened.

but that's her work. her job and responsibility. she can do that shit on her own time.

i say all this to offer a shoulder of solidarity to others like me. if you maintain a complicated relationship as an adult with the parent who hurt you and did you wrong as a child, that is okay. you get to choose how and if to thread that needle.

but you don't have to accommodate emotional manipulation and guilt trip garbage. stonewall it. walk away if you need to. don't apologize. don't try to make it better. that's not on you and it doesn't have to be. it's okay.

[nomiyakazehaya]

am i weird for being obsessed with the idea of a stealthy and lethal assassin megatron? i know she's usually associated with the more aggressive and forward gladiator warrior archetype but. something about a big, tall mech somehow knowing how to maneuver and slink around ever so covertly, how to kill a target as quickly and efficiently as possible, yet still manages to be so quiet and graceful on her feet all the while pulling all that weight back just does something to my brain.

that's so. hot and intriguing to me.

[ruvviks]

FALLOUT 4 ➤ scenery [5/?]

[mediumsizedpidegon]

thinking about Shang Qinghua as a calamity again...