#person whod get me not wanting to talk abt it

[upsidedowngrass]

do you think liam and stone would be friends if they ever met outside of The Plane again

HMM!!!

(put under a readmore cus i ended up talking a LOT lol :) )

i think they could be friends!!! i think stone liked the contestants. while im pretty sure stone picked liam to give the notes to 1) because he is a backpack. he can hold notes. and 2) he seems the MOST stubborn of all of the contestants, so think compared to the chance for things to end well (or at least, the best they COULD end), liam was the best bet to pick thru all possible courses of action

but even outside of that stone generally seems to like them all, helping bryce when he didnt need to, visibly looking guilty for having to sabotage amelia, etc. i think they showed liam one of the notes bc they WANTED him to understand that theyre trying to help, and i think there was a chance hed understand, but he just happened to Not. with everything we know abt stone (which unfortunately isnt much), he looks like he WANTS to help them because he cares, and i think they wouldve liked to be friends with them, and to have met all of them under better circumstances. (he obv knows about the concept of friends because he knows everything, but i think they dont really get many opportunities to meet New people given. being from a world of Just rocks) point is that i think stone would love to be friends w liam!!

whether or not LIAM would wanna b friends is a diff question tho. liam doesnt seem like the type of guy whod necessarily hold anything against stone, since he gradually seems to respect stone more and more as he follows the notes, but i think there Could be some discomfort there. if stone hadnt written the notes, he never wouldve gone to bryce, he never wouldve died a bunch more times, and he never wouldve gotten stuck in airys world. but then again, if they hadnt written them, if airy had still died, all of the contestants couldve been trapped on the plane literally forever, and julien wouldve been stuck in the waiting room forever

i think liam would still think about stone pretty fondly, and historically he hasnt really been concerned about 'people who could remind him of his time on the plane, but 'well this person reminds me of my time on the plane' given everything with bryce, but during all that he was still very much. not in the mentality of being at home. (after he got home, he seems to REALLY still feel stuck on the plane, esp if what he says to bryce is anything to go off of) it could be very different once hes home, and because? i think stone ended up kinda STILL being with him thru s2, just symbolically. so i think it could be complicated for liam

but all of this aside? i think any discomfort he may feel would maybe be set to the side. liams pretty passive by nature, and i think being able to be friends with stone would actually kinda end up giving him a sense of closure about some things!!! most of his interactions with stone WERE somewhat strained, but i think liam wouldnt rly even think abt that

i dunno!!! but i think theyd make good friends if they had the opportunity to meet again. liam makes conversation pretty easy when he wants to, even though its not smth he especially goes out of his way to do, but i think when he would like to he can be VERY annoying abt it. if he wanted some level of Knowing stone, because i think it could be Nice to have stone be less of this ominous figure whos motives werent super clear but did ultimately help (assuming in this hypothetical he and stone meet again on earth, but i think in airys world stone could be. actually pretty nice for him to meet again? dont know!) and instead this Person who helped him and his friends, he would be a bit stubborn about it, and maybe a bit awkward about it, but i think stone would be okay with it. stone seems very 'reluctantly WILL do things for the greater good but would like to do helpful things that DONT make people upset instead. wants to just get along with people but just ISNT in a situation where they can' and also generally patient (i think they have to be patient given the world theyre from) so i think itd work out!!!!

anyway this post is long and idrk how clear it is BUT its fun to think abt!!!! idk how liam would get the chance to meet stone again but i would LOVE if it did happen

[just-some-random-blogger]

good morning, love! have a good week! omg this cat so TT i love him TT 'subs? is this youtube?' no TT tumblr followers here TT 'i dont know what you mean' this is my twitter personality taking charge. like? idk? when i see smn with a user picture talking with a blogger(?) i unintentionally expect this person to make some posts too? part with viserys sounds logical. it wasnt like i completely didnt understand what happened, i had some thought but yeah, its somehow unclear. 'ive watched 3 episodes for doctor who!' but not bc of me! 'i’ll only watch 1 ep' ofc! yes! i absolutely believe you! 'BUT THAT WASNT HIS FAULT' well its HIM who asked for this magic to be done. i appreciate how you like my ideas TT iim flattered TT such an honour TT thanks my love TT i love you TT hugs for my best cutie<з 'MANS ABOUT TO SAY MY QUEEN IN HIS VOWS ON MIC WITH THE SPEAKERS ON MAX' HGHDJFHGJ I LAUGHED SO HARD. YES!! absolutely him youre soso right. ig aemma even would be his evil bestie in in screaming 'yes! slay boy!' while the real queens husband, vissy, is like 'wtf guys! TT daemon ill kill u TT' 'what am i a potato' no never TT youre my beloved catmom, sibling, classmate, the one whos got the other part of our big brain cell TT but yk what i mean. im not a popular person and id even say many people dont like me. i dont have a lot people whod miss me or will get attached to lots of people if i really lived for eternity. 'hug you so tight' aww my love for you makes me want to hug you. youre so sweet TT 'little by little you will see how evil i will be' .... ok well see and after the last part ill tell you if its more evil than the worst ending i made up in my mind after like.. reading the first... and also! itd be so interesting to see vissys I and rhaenyras and everyones reaction to what happened back then. 'aemond be like😵‍💫' ok are we making both brothers suffer? sgfngkjf. i say we (sorry if anything i dont mean it to sound? arrogant? its your fic, im not taking any credits) bc well if you like this idea... no but it must be SO painful to investigate your crushs love story and learn more and more about what you cant have it? esp with how poetic and romantic this story is? 'i hope i dont ACTUALLY WRITE 10 parts' pray for your poor soul bc with what were talking abt it takes even more than 10 parts TT 'WHY ARE YOU MESSAGING ME DURING THOSE LATE-EARLY HOURS' bc i sleep when its actual day.... 'it’s also a meme here' omg what meme? can you tell me its backstory? so cute to be the part of it. and yyyooure cuter my hottie-cutie <з okok ill answer the love letter later and... how do you feel abt some modern aegon? not from this au. im glad youre fine and everythings ok. hope your school wont be too harsh this week either! good luck my lovie! have a nice day and week and all! got some cold kisses from me to not burn in your hell of weather!! love you! take care<з

i ate two ensaymada and now my head hurts help me

ensaymada in question. my grandma gave me two and i ate both but theyre so rich and sweet and i love them but also hate them rn T_T

or maybe its the heat T_T

i went downstairs to get more water i felt the coolness and felt a little better

update im not better

im sorry i can only zoom through this rn

have a good week!

claiming this

omg this cat so TT i love him TT

<3

'subs? is this youtube?' no TT tumblr followers here TT

? im so confused

'i dont know what you mean' this is my twitter personality taking charge. like? idk? when i see smn with a user picture talking with a blogger(?) i unintentionally expect this person to make some posts too?

????? I DONT GET IT HELP its fine you dont have to explain it

part with viserys sounds logical. it wasnt like i completely didnt understand what happened, i had some thought but yeah, its somehow unclear.

<3 im glad its logical

update my head hurt even more so i put this reply off and zoomed through my homework

update update i wanted to vomit but i guess i was hungry and i feel better now that i ate???

'ive watched 3 episodes for doctor who!' but not bc of me!

ASHAHFASF >: lol what do you want me to watch, you didnt even say anything!

'i’ll only watch 1 ep' ofc! yes! i absolutely believe you!

T_T /: i feel like i wont watch it at all my head is dead but i already promised so

'BUT THAT WASNT HIS FAULT' well its HIM who asked for this magic to be done.

AS:FHASFA NO ur so right it is his fault 😞😐 men (derogatory)

i appreciate how you like my ideas TT iim flattered TT such an honour TT thanks my love TT i love you TT hugs for my best cutie<з

'MANS ABOUT TO SAY MY QUEEN IN HIS VOWS ON MIC WITH THE SPEAKERS ON MAX' HGHDJFHGJ I LAUGHED SO HARD.

as you should im hilarious

YES!! absolutely him youre soso right. ig aemma even would be his evil bestie in in screaming 'yes! slay boy!' while the real queens husband, vissy, is like 'wtf guys! TT daemon ill kill u TT'

AEMMA WOULS SO BE HIS SUPPORTIVE BESTIE and viserys would so be a wounded pup about it T_T HAHAHAH

'what am i a potato' no never TT youre my beloved catmom, sibling, classmate, the one whos got the other part of our big brain cell TT

but yk what i mean. im not a popular person and id even say many people dont like me. i dont have a lot people whod miss me or will get attached to lots of people if i really lived for eternity.

does it matter if a lot of people like you anyway? no. no it doesnt. you dont need a lot of people. also i would miss you. i like you. i would be so sad if i knew you were a lonely eternal being

'hug you so tight' aww my love for you makes me want to hug you. youre so sweet TT

'little by little you will see how evil i will be' .... ok well see and after the last part ill tell you if its more evil than the worst ending i made up in my mind after like.. reading the first...

ok then we'll see HAHAA

and also! itd be so interesting to see vissys I and rhaenyras and everyones reaction to what happened back then.

well rhaenyras a baby but i think viserys cos he super superstitious would more likely believe yn quicker compared to his bro. i think aemma would too. and daemon would be like, aw thats so sweet baby girl but theres only one daemon and thats me everyone else is inferior /:

'aemond be like😵‍💫' ok are we making both brothers suffer? sgfngkjf. i say we (sorry if anything i dont mean it to sound? arrogant? its your fic, im not taking any credits)

you can say we. we will make them suffer (:

bc well if you like this idea... no but it must be SO painful to investigate your crushs love story and learn more and more about what you cant have it? esp with how poetic and romantic this story is?

SO REAL YOURE SO REAL FOR THAT and to be honest, i think aegon would take it worse compared to aemond cos aemond would be all sciencey and scholarly about it but aegon would use his feelings and just cry about it omg the start of his alcoholism arc T_T NAUR

'i hope i dont ACTUALLY WRITE 10 parts' pray for your poor soul bc with what were talking abt it takes even more than 10 parts TT

i refuse. i will kill reader if we make it past p5 HAHAHAH

'WHY ARE YOU MESSAGING ME DURING THOSE LATE-EARLY HOURS' bc i sleep when its actual day....

L. ur so L for that BOOOO TOMATO TOMATO 🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅🍅

'it’s also a meme here' omg what meme? can you tell me its backstory? so cute to be the part of it.

well it started with this one celebrity named maine 'manifesting' her husband with a tweet. like before she was famous she tweeted the name of her husband, oh lol i mean fiance, the dudes name is arjo and he;s also a celebrity, so maine was like 'arjo cutie' then years later when she got famous they ended up together and now its like smth you say when you wanna manifest something like... 100% grades cutie, 100000$ cutie, ya feel HAHAHH

and yyyooure cuter my hottie-cutie <з

why thank you <3 ur cuter tho

okok ill answer the love letter later and... how do you feel abt some modern aegon? not from this au.

... im interested .... 👀

im glad youre fine and everythings ok. hope your school wont be too harsh this week either! good luck my lovie! have a nice day and week and all!

YOU TOO MY LOVE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF

got some cold kisses from me to not burn in your hell of weather!! love you!

💀🧊💀🧊💀🧊💀 thank you but its not hell cos i would assume hell has no relief and i eventually get relief so <3 I GOTTA STAY POSITIVE OR ELSE I SUFFER MORE

take care<з

i love you. my head hurts again so i think i might sleep but idk im still digesting T_T i love you bye

xxx

[evandorepart2]

ok deleted this on my main cause that was a bit Too personal. but i am literally such an angry and petty person. i get upset sooo much like about stupid things. if anything does Not go my way or the way i specifically planned it to go i will lose my mind. i was called a crybaby a lot in elementary cause its fucking true lol i get upset very very easily and this can make me be very mean.

HOWEVER. this is deflected with my ability to Not hold onto any emotions longer than a few minutes. so i can just. Leave. i can go on a walk or do whatever and then im fine. i have poor impulse control but enough sense to just. do ofher stuff when i start getting upset. so im not one of Those people online whod respond to smth with like an entire essay and get needlessly upset whatever before pulling the guilt trip thing cause they want sympathy. i Could be. very close to being. but i am self aware

theres no real point to this just now i am sitting here shaking like an agitated chihuahua opening and closing my hands so i dont snap

i lied. im talking more LOL but also its like at the same time i cant just. Talk with people about why im upset because then thats gonna make me even More upset and im not great with communicating so people misunderstand what im tryinf to say which upsets me More. and while i cry a lot when that happens i also like. get physically angry. like i want to yell and throw things around but i cant do rhat cause then im being like my mum

its hard to grapple as someone who expresses and feels (like. mentally feels. emofions happen but i only am aware ro a limited degree) very little how Angry i can be. like my best friend has anger issues (tho hes gotten help for that), my cousin has anger issues and severe adhd, my mother is bipolar. so like im surrounded with people who experience that stuff but there was always just a degree of seperation when it came to me. like an outward and inward perception that doesnt match wtf is going on inside.

idk! idk. it feels weird talking abt it cause like the degrees ive gotten to curate my life to Prevent that from happening. like an unconscious choice to stop myself from being super upset by cuttinf people off or dropping out of school or being very limited in my online engagement with people or my interests. cause nothing good happens when youre angry i know that cause i grew up in it.

that being said i am tryinf very very hard not to be petty and mean about stuff i see on tumblr but certain constant trends are Incredibly upsetting me and i am two steps away from snapping. thank god i have limited followers so i can snap into the void in peace but still.

[jehans-flower-pot]

having existential crisis and panicking might just come out to friends to make myself panic abt smth else

[geordon]

I think there's a pretty big difference between lashing out when scared/stressed and being an angry person.

Between having an amount if anger in you that comes out when things get bad and being the one that makes thing bad

Between violence in reaction to something and actively wanting to cause harm

And I think some people could really do better in understanding that difference

[wifeylouis]

Hi!

I really enjoyed your post on Louis’ fashion! Do you think you could show some of your favorite pieces? Love your blog. Thank you.

Hello!! im glad u like my blog even tho im not very active heh and Louis’ fashion is one of my fav things to talk abt so thank u for this ask dfiojdkf an excuse to rant abt louis and his impeccable taste :D 

i generally love...EVERYTHING louis wears in pap pics and when hes not being styled by someone else, txf era was probs one of my fav fashion eras of his and i absolutely LOVE his shoe collection, a DREAM for someone like me whod choose a pair of fresh trainers over... nearly anything else lmfao but here we go ill show u my fav pieces that i can find on ltfa (my source of fashion inspo)  xx 

my fav tracksuit from louis. his mind amazes me the way he paired kappa with mastermind and it flows so seamlessly as if its a coord BC HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING WITH THOSE SIDE STRIP LOGOS LIKE???!?!?!?! BIG BRAINS ONLY! hes just so fkn creative with the way he puts stuff together its never throwing random shit on its always a meticulously detailed outfit

this toweling/teddy half zip. need i say more? the burberry logo is SO FKN COOL ugh i love all his burberry pieces i love how loyal he is to certain designers like stella, burberry, ami paris, mastermind hes got so many of their pieces hes so cute i bet he buys the entire collection if he likes one piece fjdkfsh

see also this polo fleece jumper (at this point we know louis loves his teddy style jackets, hes complimented fans on theirs too hes just too precious!! a cuddle bug) 

this fred perry knit bc the colour is gorgeous on him and fred perry is just so gay yk? 

THIS JUMPER... LITERALLY WANT IT SO BAD ITS SO MFKN CUTE

back to burberry... louis and burberry are a match made in heaven just look at this! louis has a few jackets and tops in this “patchwork” or redone kind of style! hes worn alot of pieces like it including a VERY GAY SHIRT which i will have to look for a post later but ig u can say baby likes his redone one of a kind stuff hes so darling

this tshirt for no reason other than its a cool fucking print and i want it rly bad. louis’ collection of graphic tees is BEAUTIFUL ugh i also love the kodak shirt, the newyork tourist shirt, the we are the weather tshirt, the honey bee shirt... THERES SO MANY ooh also the black band tee with the blue print on it he wore with a denim jacket and trackies once infront of that pink wall...cant seem to find it but i adore his tshirts so much!! we need an insiders view of his shoes and tees collection so bad 

THIS SWEATER... i loved it when he wore it on txf and fell in love with it even more when he wore it on a night out and took pics with fans ughhh i love when he repeats outfits he wore for photoshoots or events bc u can rly tell he loved the piece and kept it for his personal wardrobe it makes me so happy for some reason dskfjs (also this is alexander fkn mcqueen louis’ insane hes such a fashion girl istg) 

NOW THIS... THIS SWEATER EVERYONE HATES FOR SOME REASON BUT I FKN LOVE IT I WISH WE HAD BETTER PICS IN IT BC COME ON MISS CHER HOROWITZ MY COUNTRY CLUB PRIVATE PREP SCHOOL DADDYS GIRL THIS IS SO FKN CUTE?????

ugh am i making this too long? these arent even my MOST fav pieces bc ltfa is too much to get thru... but this is one of my fav outfits, days and pap pics EVER i loveeee him in ami and this cute lil heart coord is so precious

i also obvs love the classic fashionista louis moments like the burberry shirt under the maroon jumper with the boyfriend jeans and the af1s or the japan socks versace jacket and adidas cropped slim trackies and all those but ig those are pretty obvs! i cld go on and on and on and on abt my fav louis outfits but ill stop here. also, certain ppl seem to completely undermine louis’ fashion sense and think he doesnt venture out alot or some bullshit like that but louis’ style is subtle, cute, always trendy, always attainable, androgynous and classic. he includes cute colours, hearts and flowers, cool prints and graphics and messages in outfits that u can tell took time to put together bc of the sheer attention to detail from the collar on his jumper to the laces on his platform trainers he never misses when it comes to serving looks! 

[icecreamkink]

so i watched cobra kai all in two days and i have so many -

this show has so many cool and smart angles to it, but the same time.... its so stupid oh my god everyone is so dumb literally mr miyagi held all of the braincells in this whole universe 

like i am but at the same time i am not surprised it was made like this, bc in hindsight of course there were hordes of ppl simping over johnny lawrence ....  but it still amuses me that this is like... an Actual Official Thing

ok this will get long so cut it is

how much fun this cast has is super visible and i love it

i rly enjoy how the world was expanded ! i did grow up watching the karate kid movies, so watching how they progressed the world of the movies so organically was pretty cool. it rly feels like its the same universe

i fucking LOVE stories that are largely about a Thing. dancing ,skating, sports its just so thrilling to experience this all consuming relationship people can have with this type of activity? and martial arts are just that much more intense, so yeah, grown ass men kicking each other around at the lightest provocation and a war veteran caring so much abt teen karate is Ridiculous.... but i love it all because thats the intensity i find so thrilling

was kinda surprised with how much im missing mr. miyagi. first because, like everyone is so unhinged jesus christo, it just really throws into relief how much his character grounded the narrative of the movies. but also hes just a really great character

and on that note it rly Gets Me that the show itself aknowledges that and plays that into daniels angst and all the little ways they sorta weave myiagisms into the whole show........ im not getting emotional over this dumb karate dads show OK

related - i really miss hearing ‘daniel-san’ 🥺🥺

ACE DEGENERATE oh god oh no

they really went down the down and out johnny lawrence route huh. like i was always kinda bummed we see kreese choking him and then we never see him again in the movies, and while i love dumpster fire problematic trash himbo ck johnny, its like......................... actually really sad that his life turned out like this fjngn

everytime i hear ‘babes’ and ‘pussy’ i die a little inside. i know thats the point but i am a v cringe easy person, have mercy (ehe)

loved the way they are constantly drawing parallels between johnny and mr. myiagi of all people. hes the handy man of his building that has a bullied kid asking for help and eventually steps up to teach them karate, beats up a bunch of bullies for him, creates a friendship with said kid, estranged from family, drinks his sorrows away, surprisingly one of the least quick to anger characters (which says more about everyone else really but.... Well.), no schemes or ulterior motives hes just tryna vibe here.... oh and ofc magically heals miguel of is asthma apparently. the true disciple.. meanwhile daniel is his usual messy petty self even tho he wants to be mr myiagi so bad 

also interesting about that is how miguels character is a parallel of both johnny and daniel at the same time

overall the parallels in ck are done really well, drawing comparisons and also subverting them constantly. theyre well thought out

THE PARALELOGRAMS

fr tho, the angle being explicitly the cycle of trauma and its effects and how trumatized adults in turn traumatize kids, maliciously or not, is so interesting

but! on the flip side of that, it feels like the writers are getting in their own way @ letting the characters grow. especially this last season. theres only so many times you can do "johnny and daniel are getting along but 5mins later they are (literally) fighting over some dumbass random issue" or "johnny puts in 20% of effort with robby and then gives up" before it gets on your nerves yknow?

i see daniel no longer talks like macchio ingested 15 shots of espresso before every take and idk how to feel about that tbh

interesting tension in daniel, as in, in tkk mr miyagi was there and daniel was frankly, kind of a lil shit, this messy petty spitfire hot tempered sassy kid,(johnny lawrence voice: just... stop being so annoying) but now hes the adult, and he wants to be mr. miyagi... but hes just not, and never will be to his very core and it shakes him and in a way hes trying to find who he is now that he sees himself in a position to be a not! cobra kai figure. i kinda really like that 

plus how that relates to his cobra kai trauma. idk if the writers thought abt it Like That, i think so, but in any case, its interesting bc it seems like daniel has told everyone whod listen about johnny lawrence his Pretty Boy Karate Rival and high school and 84 cobra kai... But. no one seems to know what went on in 85 (or 86? idk) which was just so much worse

like ye og cobras were shitheads, but tkk iii is just two hours of daniel being emotionally and physically tortured. 

like, the third movie is.............chaotic, to put it nicely, and many people ignore it, but the writers clearly didnt. daniels actions are, in a way, responding so much more to the events of tkk iii than to the first movie ie. johnny himself, AND. daniel doesnt rly seem to have dealt with that trauma? he never told sam? doesnt feel like hes ever told amanda? he doesnt even say terrys name out loud? freaks Out over kreese ? the way he reacts to robbys deceit? his FACE when he walks past the new "fear does not exist in this dojo" paint or kreeses photo? hmMm i sense Pain

his fashion tho........... disappointing. where are the flower shirts daniel huh we had one (1) shirt what a tragedy STOP WEARING SUITS ALL THE TIME . also the band ts/grunge bi are a look for johnny but part of me longs for the preppy lovable 80s bully chic johnny lawrence getups

weird that they never used that last moment of karate kid where johnny kinda... snaps out of his anger and hands daniel the trophy almost in tears. like “youre alright larusso, good match” “thanks a lot”  that being their last direct interection seems like itd be perfect fruit for cobra kai but... they just dont. weird. 

especially when, the FIRST SCENE they see each other, suposedly in 30+ years, the first thing to come out of daniels mouth is QUOTE "u still got those golden locks huh?" WHO SAYS SHIT LIKE THAT DANIEL FUCKING SAN 

also amandas immediate reaction "your pretty boy rival?" like. can we talk about the fact that daniel had to have imparted to his wife the very important information that his high school bully/karate rival was like Really Cute and Fucking Hot Actually

 the writers Knew exactly what they were doing and honestly.............. power to them

tkk director voice: and billy was just so cute  

also I was thinking that daniel sounded strangely fond in that first scene, and i wonder if he developed a weird affection for johnny on the grounds that of all of his Karate Rivals johnny was actually the only one who didn’t actively tried to literally kill him

i was actually delightedly surprised with how great the chemistry between them is, like from the get go i am Invested. their rl friendship totally bleeds through and its fantastic

. granted, idiots enemies to lovers friends is my Thing so i am biased  

johnny lawrence: i am down in the dumps, i fucked up my whole life and my sons probably, largely in light of the trauma that the father figure sensei and the philosophy of my karate inflicted on me and all my friends. u know what i should do, as a traumatized, unreliable mess of an adult? teach that same philosophy to some other kids! what could go wrong! 

but really i enjoy the setup of it. i kinda like that i watched it late because, season 1 was johnny setting himself up for failure in a way and it was exciting to watch it all go to shit sjfn

Like. his heart might be in the right place, but theres just.... not a way to teach something like ‘strike hard, no mercy’ and not have it fuck up a kid 

case and point: aisha, miguel and hawk become annoying as all hell over that bullshit in the end of s1, even before shit gets truly fucked up

billys subtle panicked eyes when he sees hawk and miguel fighting dirty in the all valley was SO GOOD especially in parallel with the panic that is so visible in his face in the movie when kreese tells bobby to injure daniel and in the sweep the leg scene 

seen people question wether kreese should have returned and i absolutely think he needed to. johnny needed to realize that cobra kais fundamentals are flawed, at the root, beyond kreese himself being a toxic piece of shit 

also who are we kidding? we are here to see the tkk characters play on new playgrounds!

i get what they're doing abt kreeses backstory, ( also. cobra kai. pq eles caem nas cobras djjs sorry) but did it need to take up that much time? feels like they couldve  done it in half the run time and developed some other stories better 

martin kove has such an evil eye. i love it

love that we get a good follow up to kreese breaks johnnys trophy and tries to CHOKE HIM in the parking lot, which happened in the movie and then....................... was never mentioned again

“the gang is all back together again” aaaa u piece of SHIT 

also. terry silver is definetely appearing ha ha ha PAIN i cant wait

seen ppl say kreese was too much of a cartoon villain like..........................oh......... sweetie........... u dont even Know

interested how johnny will fit into that bc kreese was simping rly hard for johnny here. like i did not expect him to be so adamant to have him with cobra kai ... under his control, sure, but he really wants johnny by his side despite already having control of the dojo and how will terry silver self appointed jon kreeses forever simp going to feel abt that? 

like bitchs dropping by every episode like ‘joooooohnny ..... come bacc to me joooonny......... this ur last warning! for real this time johnny! i wont say it again! watch me ! im leaving johnny! im rly leaving ! im dragging a chair” and johnny is just like. dont let the door hit ya bitch it was so funny pls

and on that subject oof, johnny! doesnt! Know! he doesnt get that side of daniels cobra kai trauma. and i kind of.............. cannot wait for ck 2021 johnny lawrence to meet terry silver like. what a shit show i need a front row seat and popcorn (imagine terry tries some greasy charm and johnny just roundhouse kicks him in the teeth bc he just doest Not Have the Patience for This. glorious)

feels like we, as a society, should acknowledge that cobra kai will never die................ bc their sense of design is just chefs kiss. their name is COBRA KAI. they have sexie sleeveless black gis. theyve sneks. colorful leather jackets with embroided naja insignia, the get ppl thru the aesthetics. evil geniuses

the flashback cuts : masterpiece behavior

the other takes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of the movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the differente angles!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! of the FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE CLOSE UP ON JOHNNYS FACE AT THE KICK 

that scene of daniel and johnny vibing to 80s music in the car. just. oh my god. the fan wish fullfilment. no thoughts head empty.

the new characters! theyre .... good. but. idk. i really like miguel (save for the annoying phase mid s1 - end s2) and amanda, who is a damn riot and has some functioning braincells, but everyone else is       

like dont get me wrong, i dont hate anyone,its not a jane and rafael from jtv situation,  and i am interested and invested in their arcs, but i wouldnt say i like   Like them, as in, personality wise 

like, sams grappling with ptsd was rly gutting and i enjoyed that plus her slight rage issues, 

which nicely parallel torys rage issues. torys background is all over the place tho so im pretty on the fence abt her so far

robby deserves better in every way, and i like how smart and cunning and surprisingly sweet he is

hawk............... is there i guess,

 demetri is annoying in the best way possible,

 carmen is sweet but. i just feel like her character is blunted to make the johnny relationship easier. like when shes furious with him after miguels injury but then forgives him like an episode later? and then convinces him to fight for the tournament bc she had a karate epiphany off screen even tho she was always against it? meh. feels like with the plot thiccening she was swallowed and now shes like a crutch for johnny mora than anything, which is disappointing.

aisha was cool and im kinda mad she wasnt in s3, especially bc a storyline with her tory and sam was like RIGHT THERE , but also... cant say i was super super fond of her... doesnt feel like we ever spent enough time on her

moon the bi icon, 

overall its a good cast but the main draw for me remains the og cast 

the tory/sam miguel/robby Thing. enjoy how theyre Narrative Foils and i like how their stories were so dramatically entangled but oh god give me a break with the teenage love square for the love of god. if u gonna put us through that at least have the decency to not make it so straight

and honestly some sam/tory        miguel/robby romantic tension would even make more sense. just saying! 

also im not sure how i feel abt the cobra kai: red miyagi do: blue theyre going with since some of daniels most iconic looks in tkk are also red. like it was a color they (johnny and him) sorta shared. i get it, opposite but complementary but idk... a little too fire nation and water tribe for me .

 and like the cobra kai kids are so funny abt it bc their outifts grow progressively more ridiculously coordinated. its like do they group chat every morning before leaving their houses? 

robby still sticks out like that tho. he went thru an athleisure/daniel san tsleeves phase and now hes back in the bandts grunge, but his color scheme doesnt fully blend with the other cobra kais. hmmmm.

LOVED LOVED LOVED both the okinawa episode and the cobra kais easy rider episode just such good good heart aching fun

bobby is an icon. he was in tkk and he is now ck hope appears more and more

 tommy is like the most iconic background character. all his lines, freaking gold then and now. sigh :( 

the framing in the okinawa trip was so good everything was so good

i stand by the fact that kumiko was the love interest daniel had the most chemistry with and shes is overall such a joy to watch, loved to see her again, idola, fashion icon

also tkk ii is good u guys are just mean

also really enjoyed chozens role in the episode, his evolution; i love that they introduced the pressure points (ty lee the blueprint) and! the honk + karate! cousins! absolutely iconic

when kumiko reads mr miyagis letters........ oh my god, my eyes FILLED with tears, it was so heart wrenching :(( tamlyns delivery was so emotional and lovely and its so obvious everyone involved in ck has so much love and respect for pat morita and mr miyagi as character, and i adore that it exists like this electric current through the show

when we were watching i told my sister i thought that ali would be miguels big shot surgeon and ngl i am so disappointed that didnt happen. hire me cobra kai writers

also the johnny ali daniel amanda chemistry? off the charts

AND the sassy retconning of daniel and alis breakup! LMAO ‘I HOPE U DIDNT TELL MR MIYAGI IT WAS MY FAULT’ HFDJJGNKFKSD

i am preeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetty sure back injuries dont work like that    but oke

daniel and johnny are so good together whenever, like they never actually help the kids or get shit done and end up fighting anyway but its just so much fun when theyre hanging

JOHNNY LAWRENCE AND DANIEL LARUSSO FIGHTING TOGETHER

daniels “plan” on how to get robby to juvie was so stupid. literally were u TRYING to make him hate you. dumbass

parents at those hearing rly brave for ppl that did not do ANYTHING as their kids got involved in a karate gang war until now

“bullshit i heard u were the real bully!” i mightve screeched

this s3 ending was SO DRAMATIC omg

everyone is such a MESS go to THERAPY u unhinged motherfckers

also im sorry but uh. a richass neighborhood in california doesnt have some type of neighborhood watch? the larussos rly dont have any security at all? neighbors wont hear the sound of a damn karate brawl happening next door??? also wasnt tory all like ooo i cant go to juvie, my mom yada yada yet shes always running around town getting into fights even at the rich girls house she was kicked out of school for fighting??   ?  ??    ??        ?                ?    ?          ??                  ?    ? girl??

stop destroying the larussos house, its so pretty :((((

sam finding her center looking at mr miyagis picture...  uwu maybe

robby yelling ‘U ARE WEAAK’@  johnny \as he is easily blocking him is like.... so funny and so sad to me. sweetheart. 

also i know it was meant as ‘oh johnny pushes him and HURTS HIM’ but it just looks like robby runs himself into the lockers and IM SO SORRY I FEEL SO BAD BUT IT WAS SO FUNNY 

i like that he and tory are the cobra kai kids now. we need ppl we care abt there to not revert to a good vs evil schtick, and this is the most engaging it could be... tho it hurts that these kids cant catch a break

ah yes "lets bet some real shit on the result of this teen karate tournament bc that is always a great idea" is BACK

so daniel saves johnny from kreese..... maybe johnny will save him from terry 🧐

and dojos unite ohohoho. lets SEE how that’ll work out 

miguels face of Despair when the ck defectors and the md kids are bickering like 'this is never gonna work' : gold

also. Johnny Lawrence is gonna learn some myiagi-do karate AHAAHSJAKDFH

 ive been waiting for this moment all my lifeeee oh lawrd 

final thoughts! there are def things i hope the writers will improve on the next season, but i am very excited for it either way AND i feel like it has made me enjoy the movies even more and that is a win for a reboot/sequel to me!!

[letsfluxshitup]

I can’t believe I send anons to someone who calls wasabi and a little bit of water wasabi soup. Heartbroken rn /j /lh </3

Anyways! Royalty AU thoughts!

I promise I’m not an angst-centric person but like. Maybe someone— an enemy kingdom, maybe— catches onto the fact that Quackity is close to Techno, after they become friends, and they see an Opportunity. Because getting to Techno himself is tough bc he has so much fighting prowess and has so many eyes on him, being the eldest child of the Antarctic Empire. But Quackity? Someone who has no position of power and clearly has no experience in combat? He’s easy to get ahold of.

It could go in a lot of ways— maybe they’re trying to get information from Quackity himself, even tho it’s not like Big Q has any insider info, you know?? And that could be more light-hearted probably bc they’re just like ‘we just kidnapped a total dumbass’ and they don’t see a reason 2 keep him around or they let their guard down and Quackity is like ‘guess who just used their amazing powers of persuasion to escape a kidnapping’ and Techno is just. ‘What Are You Talking About.’ He’s so tired skdjdk

It could also be a threat kind of situation, though, because Quackity could defo be used as a weak point! And Techno isn’t going to act impulsively no matter what, bc he’s strategic and good at keeping a level-head, but the fact that these people stoop so low to bring someone of the commonwealth into political affairs like that makes him FURIOUS. It’s a strategy, yes, but morally it’s abt as wrong as one could get

If we’re feeling v self-indulgent (and when are we not) feral fighting Quackity could definitely be incorporated. Maybe the person assigned to keep an eye on him— just the one, because no one takes Quackity seriously, or thinks he can do anything— insults Techno off-handedly, speaking to someone over a com, calls him incompetent or a weak link for associating w/ someone so likely to get caught in the crossfire of royal business. Something personal that just hits a specific part of Big Q’s brain.

And Quackity has been compliant. He’s nervous beyond belief, sure, but he doesn’t want to get hurt, and Techno probably would just want him to chill out and wait.

But Techno is his FRIEND, and one of the most competent people he knows, and he just goes Feral <3 he’s all nails and teeth and he may not know how to hold a weapon but he doesn’t need one to get this point across. Whether or not he wins doesn’t matter as long as they understand that he is Angry and he sure is good at conveying that!

ANYWAYS. Tender Friendship Reunion is Important of course <3 I don’t take my ideas too seriously so u know it probably involves plenty of dumbassery on both their parts. Quackity thinks it’s very romantic of Techno to bust in and save him (/j) and Techno just wants a nap by the end of it

I just think abt Techno’s constant caution when it comes to getting close to ppl because of how they’re likely to get hurt by/betray him and it’s like. Haha time to capitalize on that :] but not too much bc I love seeing my favs chill out. Cottagecore Techno is now the only thing I will think abt

I’m terrible at writing coherent stories but seeing you write Quackity and Techno friendship makes me want to as well :,] ily Flux ur doing a great service to society /p Sorry abt my incoherency as always I am like a small toddler in the fact that my brain is most active when I should be unconscious

- Saturn 🪐

saturn as per usual your brain is huge and your ideas are amazing;;; you have to write your own fics or im gonna have to steal your ideas (/lh) the public needs to see them theyre very very good

ALSO YES;;;; quackity assigned weak by enemies, but rocking their shit while waiting for techno to show up and like sure yeah ok maybe it wasnt a Great idea to fight your captors but he has to defend his mans honor ok??

after hes rescued technos like “are you ok??” and quackitys like “haha yeah im fine” but hes a little more on edge, stands a little closer to techno, and techno realizes maybe he needs to offer quackity a bit more protection and he marries him bc whod fuck with the crown princes husband jokes on you its another marriage au--

no but i love the idea of techno offering quackity a bit more formal training, with ppl he Trusts and wont judge him or make fun of him and hes like “listen your feral energy, great amazing fantastic, now lets learn how to Channel that into doing some Real Damage” bc we’re self indulgent here and want to give quackity the means to protect himself and others. he gets fancee weapon that was made just for him and spends hours training with it, insisting techno teach him how to use it over and over bc he wants to use it Right and he doesnt want to break it or anything;;;;

i love your ideas so much im LKJDFLKSJDLSKJFJDF <3 <3 <3

[kingjasnah]

actually. actually let’s talk about diversity in fantasy let’s give that a go. im mad and im gonna be that way for a while

don’t want to read all this? fair. tldr: fantasy writers who rely not only on the medieval europe model but also hide behind historical accuracy in 2020 (fuck it, from ‘95 onwards) are lazy and unimaginative and should be held accountable no matter how many white 20 year old dudes jerk off to whatever power fantasy is embedded in the plot. so lets chat about that lads. (slightly) drunk rant under the cut

now prelim shit: we know fantasy is used both as escapism and as a way to deal with various traumas via magical metaphor. staples of the genre. even if jk rowling busted out the laziest and at times offensive metaphor for ww2 and racism ive ever seen, she still adhered to time and true tropes. whatever.

so why have we, in this post game of thrones era, become insanely obsessed with realism? i can hear sixty 20-something year old men crying at me rn like oh ohh oh its based off the war of roses oh wahh all medieval fantasy fiction is based off england and the crusades anyway so women should get raped and people of color should be demonized its not racism its xenophobia and also gay people dont exist and disabled people are systematically killed off and if we stretch the magic fixes mental illness thing a LITTLE further we have straight up eugenics.

we all know where the england but myth thing came from. now the thing about tolkien is that while i will always absolutely love lotr, looking at the LAZY state of fantasy? damn i kinda wish he hadn’t revolutionized the genre. the bitch was still racist. he still didnt give a shit abt women (eowyn was just a vehicle to show how much he fucking hated macbeth anyone holding jrrt up as a feminist icon for that needs to sit the fuck down and explain to me why i can count the woman speaking roles in lotr, a story with a name and fleshed out backstory for every minor character, on one hand but thats! another post). he had something to say abt class with sam i’ll give him that but he is still 100% NOT what we need to hold our standards to in 2020. 

i dont want to talk about old school fantasy, like 80s early 90s cause theres literally no point. its sexist, racist, ableist for sure, this we know. david eddings (not even that old school tbh) can rise from the grave and explain himself to me personally and i still wont forgive him for ehlana. 

so let’s talk historical accuracy. quick question. who the FUCK gives a shit? WHO is this elusive got fan who’s out here like blehh actually??? this method of iron production is TOTALLY anachronistic of the time. ummm these vegetables in this fictional world were NOT native to english soil so how are they here? cause i know this is the classic argument but ive never actually met someone who cared about the lack of dysentery as much as they care abt the women getting raped on screen/page. 

god forbid you have to worldbuild for a second god forbid you can’t rely on the idea of fantasy readers already have in their head god forbid you have an original idea god forbid you spend more than two seconds thinking about ur setting (oh i should mention i dont....really blame GoT for its setting cause of how long ago it was og written but trust me i sure as hell blame grrm for writing a 13 yr old giving ‘consent’ to sex with a grown man within the first couple of chapters) 

If we accept the basic premise of fantasy as escapism, and i AM drunk so i will NOT be finding fuckin. quotes and shit for this but come on tolkien said it himself and as much as i’ll drag him he crafted the simplest and most powerful fantasy metaphors on the board rn. But if we know its escapism. If we know. then who is it escapism for? certainly not for me, the gay brown woman who busted through all of GoT in 10th grade. 

modern fantasy lit used as an excuse for that white male power fantasy is literally disgusting. calling historical accuracy is so fucking dumb ESPECIALLY cause we, as ppl in the 21st  century, KNOW women have been consistently written out of the story. poc ppl, gay and trans ppl, anyone with a god forbid disability has been WRITTEN out of history as we know it, INCLUDING the fucking war of the roses so HOW can we hold up testimony we know is flawed to support our FICTIONAL. STORY. just to??? support the white power fantasy?? literally noah fence but if you are a white guy who felt really empowered by every time jim butcher described a woman tell me: how do you think that’ll hold up in classic HisToRiCaL fantasy. you think thats a fucking noble pursuit? or are you grima wormtongue out here. 

(side note: jim butcher stop writing challenge i dont need to know abt every woman on page’s nipples. anyone who hides behind subgenre like that? ‘ohhh its a noir story thats why hes sexualizing everyone’ shut the fuck up an author isnt possessed by a fuckin muse and compelled to bust out 500k they have agency and they have choice and they MADE the choice to reserve said will for none of their female characters)

which brings me to point 2: target audience and BOY is the alcohol hitting me rn but WHO is this for? this isnt the fucking 80s we know poc and other marginalized folk read fantasy FOR the escapism. on god ive had a cosmere focused blog for nearly three years and. im just gonna say it im interacted with A LOT of yall and ive managed to talk to VERY few white straight ppl as compared to everyone else. 

like....who deserves to see the metaphor on homophobia or racism. joanne rowling? the bitch who literally tried to sell us happy slaves and the disgusting aids metaphor and the worst case of antisemitic stereotypes i ever saw in an nyt bestseller? yall think that was for US? or was it for the white guilt crowd. 

literally white people can find any book about them that they can relate to. but hmmm maybe theres a reason gay women care so much about stormlight archive’s jasnah kholin, a brown woman who’s heavily coded as wlw. or kaladin, the FIRST fantasy protag ive ever seen with clinical depression. hmm i wonder why a bunch of millennials are vibing all of a sudden. im not saying sanderson is perfect--but its the best ive seen from a white author tbh

maybe theres a reason a lot of poc vibe with a literary way to express trauma, and maybe thats why i specifically get so pissed when its not done well. theres a REASON books about outcasts pushing through and claiming their own lives are popular with people who arent white and straight and able bodied. Junot Diaz had a point. maybe lets STOP catering to those assholes who think theyre joseph campbell’s wet dream personified. ive lost respect SO many authors who are objectively talented. pat rothfuss can write so beautifully that ive cried to bits of name of the wind but literally i will never pick that series up again (not just because of the felurian. women in general tbh. mostly the felurian ngl) cause 1) i personally KNEW men whod jerk off to that shit and 2) there was no need for it there was no plot reason for ANY of that shit 

so like obviously thers an issue with authors of color specifically not getting recognized for fantasy and genre work but on god??????? im still mostly mad at the legions of white authors churning out the same medieval england chosen one books year after fucking year. have an original thought maybe. also im sorry that you as an author lack the basic empathy needed to examine the way that women? or any group of people that youre explicitly writing about see the world and would specifically see YOUR made up world. 

yes your fantasy should be diverse, but more than that it should be kind. if you as a writer cant respect groups of people who deserve it....what the hell are you doing in a genre that traditionally is about finding ways to express injustice through metaphor? tolkien’s hero was sam. fantasy was NEVER about the privileged. yall know who you are so stop acting so fucking entitled. peace out. 

[lucasluvia-main]

Tbh think i was messed up a little from my elementary school friends

They kinda like,,, didnt give a shit abt my interests and i went the whole time barely feeling like i could get a word in. I have such bad skills for talking in groups, group chats can even take me a while and i have to view them as private conversations and warm up as more ppl join.

I never really had opinions on stuff, and tbh i think im kinda scared to say i dont know something or have no opinion because they would constantly mock me for it and they made it feel like something was wrong with me.

They would latch to what gave them a reaction, stealing my shoes (in grade eight, mind you), none of them standing up for me, i was basically always silent and whenever i tried sending stuff to the group chat id get no reaction to the things i was passionate for.

I really kinda was hit by it last august, when was with my friend whod only been around one on one, but now with other people. They thought something was wrong. They were asking if I was okay.

Imagine who id be if id had people who had actually fucking cared about me. Childhood is when you grow into yourself, when you set the fiundations for your personality. Now I'm a follower and that might be all I'll ever be. They probably contributed to my anxiety, too. I couldn't feel like i wanted to express myself.

When i came out as trans, one of them full on didnt want to call me by my prefered name, saying it would just be easier to call me by my birth name. These people were TOXIC.

Only one of them is still in my life, one moved away and the other is probably in some weird country its always somewhere different.

The last one? I cant get away from her. She probably will never see me as who i am. She doesnt use the right pronouns despite me being out for a year.

But shes in band with me, and writers craft.

Apparently shes going through rough times, b7t honestly? Being near her is a rough time. She doesnt know shit about me and i dont give a shit abt her anymore tbh. I may be a nice person but i dont want a toxic friendship.

But now theres my current friends. THEY GIVE A FUCK ABOUT ME. They care about my stories and shows and interests. Ive never had people be genuinely nice to me just because they want to since before them. Honestly, i hate knowing this is the last year before we all go separate ways for college and university.

They made me feel loved, and theres not enough i can say.

Maybe i was hurt in elementary school, but they showed me the difference between a friend and a person you know. This is the first time in my life ive actually had friends, i love them all ♡♡

[iu]

70 horrible questions

tagged by @9395x​ lov u we havent talked in so long ;;;; we should

1. do you have a good relationship with your parents?

yeah!!! surprisingly ! with both.. probs bc im away from both now LM  AO 

2. who did you last say “i love you” to?

no1 im not tht sentimental

3. do you regret anything?

eeeh idk.. maybe not going into science.. just today i was thinking of my childhood dream of being an astrophysicist

4.  are you insecure?

in some aspects hells yeah but not Too much

5. what is your relationship status?

hopelessly single.

6. how do you want to die?

if i die will i care

7. what did you last eat?

fajitas!!!!!!!!!!!! mexican restaurants is the SHIT man

8. played any sports?

used 2 swim

9. do you bite your nails?

nooooooooooooooo

10. when was your last physical fight?

aljkhdgkd lmao when my lil cousin goes crasy n jumps on me

11. do you like someone?

nop

12. have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

god no

13. do you hate anyone at the moment?

t*ump

14. do you miss someone?

hmmmm.. my dad a lil.. n my moldovan friends

15. have any pets?

kittyyyyyy

16. how exactly are you feeling at the moment?

excited! we just came back from gokart riding (it was my firs time ever) manual steering was wildt

17. ever made out in the bathroom.

no

18. are you scared of spiders?

HM not like most ppl are.. only if theyre (select any one or more): unexpected, on me, jumping, huge, multiple, venomous

19. would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

but i wanna go forwarddddddddddd....... id go to see dinosaurs n shit maybe but not forever yaknow

20. where was the last place you snogged someone?

ew never

21. what are your plans for this weekend?

havin fun on our vacayshunnn

22. do you want to have kids? how many?

keep em away from me

23. do you have piercings? how many?

just my ears.

24. what is/are/were your best subject(s)?

well Best Grades i had in russian english arts and computer science. but most i enjoyed physics and art

25. do you miss anyone from your past?

:/ hmm i used 2 miss my ex bff but like... i havent known her for lie 4-5 years already so idk if id like her now

26. what are you craving right now?

nothing... im full im happy im chilling

27. have you ever broken someone’s heart?

lmao no

28. have you ever been cheated on?

nop

29. have you ever made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

nop

30. what’s irritating you right now?

nop

31. does somebody love you?

my family

32. what is your favorite color?

pastel pink but also a lil peachier pink like the color of my desktop blog

33. do you have trust issues?

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhh i either overshare or shut out. no inbetween

34. who/what was your last dream about?

i act dont rmr...

35. who was the last person you cried in front of?

uuh i dont rmr the last time i cried

36. do you have out second chances too easily?

idk man i cant think of anything like this happening to me 

37. is it easier to forgive or forget?

i forget everything tbh so lmao forget

38. is this year the best year of your life?

actually its better than a bunch of my prev one  so yeah

39. how old were you when you had your first kiss?

never

40. have you ever walked outside completely naked?

alkjsdhdg what

51. favorite food?

rare steak, tomato shrimp pasta and as of today fajitas man....

52. do you believe everything happens for a reason?

nah.... were just lil animals on a lil planet in a huge universe n shit happens to us sometimes 

53. what is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

watched twink peaks

54. is cheating ever okay?

they can choke

55. are you mean?

hoooooooooo i can be veeerrryy mean with ppl i dislike

56. how many people have you fist fought?

alkjsdhd FIST FOUGHT?? zero

57. do you believe in true love?

hell no

58. favorite weather?

sunny but with some occasional fluffy clouds and like 77f/25c

59. do you like the snow?

n o

60. do you wanna get married?

id hope to.... but whod marry me l mao

61. is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

eek idk i dont like english cute words

62. what makes you happy?

laughing at silly stuff with friends or family, my music, nice food, pretty nature

63. would you change your name?

i would modify it to my shortened version of it

64. would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

enough abt kissinggggggg those questions are katyaphobic

65. your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

lmao i barely have male friends let alone best friends

66. do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act like your complete self around?

^^^ im the realest with my cousin i feel like

67. who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

my uncle or younger cousin

68. who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

uuuhhh idk?

69. do you believe in soulmates?

no

70. is there anyone you would die for?

honestly even tho i can say shit like id die for baekhyun?? i wouldnt even die for my family members..... is that selfish?

i tag anyone who bothers to click read more and act get to the bottom of this ;) u the real mvp

[chikotos]

speaking of That my mom is finally recognizing that when I say “i dont feel good” it doesnt mean i have a cold or sth its that Uh, im probably experiencing suicidal thoughts and cant express it well (or at least smth along those lines) and my house has been dirty cuz i havent cleaned in a while or i cant keep it clean and she n my sister cleaned an area and i repeatedly told her not to bc shes always using my sister to do things im not adequate enough to do on time and its rlly not fair to her even if she doesnt realize it cuz like shes only 12 & we dont ever even talk so she shouldnt have to take care of someone 5 years older than her.. and i was gonna clean but I basically slept all day so i could just clean alone at night when I feel safe to walk around the house . i wasnt even tired idk why i slept but now im eerily awake and maybe will be umless i force myself to sleep

its so lonely here and thats only hit me like this year cuz all the time before I would go through periods of hanging out after school maybe.. twice a year? and only hanging out with one person whod have many friends but theyd b my only friend which is a problem i tend to have. but it jst got to the point where im realizing, i think cuz i was in my schools drama program n exposed to lots of friendships, that im jst like ,really fucking lonely. Which is unfortunate because ive always been such an internal person at home and have been able to work creatively but thats all like leaving me? art doesnt make me happy anymore because i dislike my art so much and havent had a platform to share it in so long and i guess I thrive on other ppls opinions of it? and I definitely cant write anymore. I havent been able to zone in on an interest in MONTHS and thats left me creatively drained, a lot. 

I think im starting to rlly, RLLY redirect my complete attention from interests to ppl (which always ends well am i right lads) and it isnt fair to ppl who like, have others and need space and time etc or Uh, dont even know me. but its like a switch like , I can either be creative or i can feel loved and Boy Howdy, do i need both,

its just weird cuz im the only one in my family thats emoitonal like this and I think thats why i feel so isolated. like im not exxagerating when I say my dad has 0 friends tht arent family. my mom has work friends she will hang out with maybe 4 times a year not for work, but shes always complaining abt social situations which I can understand. maybe my siblings r like that too but my sisters young n focuses on minecraft n stuff n hangs out w friends more than me n we barely know each other so its not like id know, maybe my half brother is but whens the last time hes wanted to talk to me right. like i cry all the time and all it does is make my dad angry at memfor being incompetent and make my mom think its her fault and my sister confused and jst takes up everyones time

and its jst all v strange. like i was kinda raised 2 not have friends, inadvertantly i guess. i can remember my mom trying to make me feel better about something along the lines of u can b okay w/out friends if u have family but she jst told me friends dont matter and im never gonna talk to ppl i meet at my age as an adult, so it stuck w/ me and i started to make moral judgements on ppl on small things we could talk out like say, they use homophobic language sometimes but im sure theyd respect me enough to stop, but id make those judgements before we could befriend each other n take a chance, kinda to protect myself from attachments? but later in life ive found ppl who dont do stuff like that, and thats when i focus in on them im an unfair way to them and they r the only person/group of ppl in my life, etc etc and idk how to stop because im so scared of hanging out w/ most ppl alone i guess? but ill still be here, thinking about like example (namedrop bc he doesnt have me tumblr anyways) my friend jacob tht never hung out w/ me outside of school but i fuccin loved that kid n he just stopped talking to me over the summer n ignored my text i send first day of summer and now we see each other and talk briefly but its like he wont let us be friends anymore and smth like this always happens and its So

and tbh how can i expect it to not happen when i limit myself so much n they will have plenty of other close close friends when i dont? and i think ive gotten better but idk anymore. 

and uh, unrelated. I think my dog ive had for 12 years may have to end up being put down this year. hes got cataracts in both eyes and skin diseases and back problems and teeth problems (hes inbred) and hes losing his hearing too and for the past two weeks hes been peeing everywhere and we can let him out but he cant climb stairs anymore n he has to walk them to get to our yard and im the only one w/ the patience to pick him up (hes only 8 pounds) n put him in the yard bc my parents will jst scream at him n my sister doesnt like dogs and hes got seperation issues w me and whines when he cant be in my room which is the farthest from the door out n stuff. and its like rlly stressful my mom will scream at him in front of my sister n brother n me and the other day she said my dad grabbed him by the neck and threw him out on the concrete cuz he peed inside and hes so tiny that thats just gonna make everyting worse and its notmlike i can stop them bc why would anyone listen to me and hed prob b fine for s few more years if he lived in a patient house with ppl who would take him to the vet but theyre prob gonna put him down early snd its gonna b so weird w/out him

when i showered earlier i took s razor with me w/ the intent to cut my thighs, and i did a little, but i never ever draw blood wnd its strange. why am i given these urges when im so fucking terrified of blood. itll still leave marks n stuff but it makes me feel weak ? n ill bruise myself up instead but its never the same. and im such an advocate for help w self harm but i cant for myself. its like i subconsciously want 2 get caught ? idk. i did throw my razor away though and the others i have r rusty and im not THAT much of a dumbass so i dont have options to self harm anymore unless i get new ones. lifehack

and uh lol, having no schedule n it being summer my eating habits r SHIT. it always hurts to eat p much, its at different times n most of the time i just snck only or i dont eat for hours n see black spots n stuff. and when i dont eat its not a body image thing (im nt rlly happy w my nody but its not sth not eating will help with) its cuz i dknt wanna go upstairs for food where my dad is n the snacks r downstairs so its easier, or cuz i forget or cuz i like, want to punish myself? but im too lazy to self harm. its weird

n since ive stopped id’ing as ace officially my internalized lesbophobia has gotten so much worse . im so repressed and lost ans sad, nothinng rly makes sense? I either fall in love w/ anyone who flirts with me or i focus on someone who ill never fucking talk to or see again and imagine countless scenarios n set myself up to b sad. i seek validation from ppl on it but nothhing comes out right or i just cant say it, because other than when i make myself the butt of gay jokes i just cant sven get the words out of my throat that im gay cuz im jst so ashamed and disgusted with myself. ive been looking at pictures of guys lately cuz ive been trying to force myself to like them. back when i thought i was pan it always felt safer bc i could always just love a cis guy or whatever and everything would b okay for my family ykno. and its such a shameful thing for me bc my irl friends who im out to, most see me as v confident abt it at least a little bc im loud abt it u kno, and make all sorts of jokes, and i jst know so many would b surprised or like sad abt that

i want to stop liking girls so much. like holy shit. i have so many straight girl friends and i hate it when they flirt with me because lik, none r my type so i feel nothing but then i feel like i shiuld then feel like No i shouldnt then feel like i shouldnt even be around them bc im a gross disgusting creepo dyke predator. n they always use the excuse of me having a gf so its fine id never hit on them well like, now im single so i have to be DOUBLE careful not to b affectionate w them as im w all my friends and itsssssssssssssmjshfjhdjfhsjdhjshdjshdjhsjdhsjhdjshdk

and i like, think abt this girl alot n yea its romantic even thomwe never fucking talked n rlly i do that w lots of girls and its making me lose out on friendships bc i wanna b their friends somehow bc i think theyre very cool n stuff but i cant stop hodling on to stupid daydreams n idealizations i get to distract me when im sad n its jst stupid like i know its dumb but guess whos boutta keeeeeeppppp doin it??!!!!! boy!!!

and i try so damn hard to talk feeling out, n talk abt who im attracted to n stuff w ppl, n i try so hard to gush but i cant cuz smth comes outta my mouth and then i cant speak past that and no one ends up rlly knowing how i feel, bc ANY time i talk abt anytingngay related abt me its what happens. and i listen to others talking abt tht stuff and i jsut get so god damn JEALOUS bc idk how to express myself 

all these inadequacies n shit is making it rlly hard to see how,im gonna b on my own n its always been like this. at TWELVE YEARS OLD i came to fhe fucking conclusion that i was just gonna kill myself when i turned 18 so i didnt have to deal with all this and i was OKAY WITH IT and i just went through life knowing that and hiding it and so rarely questioning my inevitable suicide as a childc so instead of dealing with all that n my problems n getting better i let myself get worse cuz uh, fuck it right

idk its all just occured to me how im not a fully functioning human being, in seberal if not all aspects of my life, its weird. now that I actively want to live and realize i uh Kinda have to simce ill b the legal guardian of my brother its all very scary

sorr i was all over the place and all the typos i didnt mean anyof them n im not crytyping like, i cried a bit but i jst hate typing kn thsi shitty tablet keyboard, n dont wanna spellcheck. if u read through comgratulations also please dont message me abt like the self harm junk n my dog n stuff like, whatever ur abt to say. I Know my guy 

time to go uhhhhhhhhhhh daydream about impossible gay shit with guilt in the back of my mind