#personalization software

[strategichannah]

3 Holiday Marketing Trends to Watch This Season

Get ready for the holidays with the latest marketing trends! 🎄 Learn how personalization, interactive experiences, and sustainability can boost your holiday campaigns. #HolidayMarketing

3 Holiday Marketing Trends to Watch This Season Written By: that Hannah Jones Time to Read: 3 minutes As the holiday season approaches, it’s essential for businesses to stay on top of emerging marketing trends to stand out in a crowded market. In 2024, three key trends are shaping holiday marketing: personalization, interactive experiences, and sustainability. Let’s explore each of these…

[danielnelsen]

he’s shouting out the engineers who worked on his election software with him and one of those was my dad so hey my dad just got a shoutout from antony green

[ricebagel]

dw guys it's fine she was just watching haruka's t3 video

[blogofbonelord]

The Ultimate DOOM / DOOM II

[copia]

top tip for new gif people because i've seen a few recently (which is really cool) - tumblr will compress your gif to a width of 540px when you upload it. this compression won't retain as much quality as if you just resize it to 540px across in photoshop/whatever program you use. tumblr will suck the life out of your beautiful crisp 1080px gif whereas photoshop will do its best not to (resizing in vapoursynth or similar is ideal but that's not necessary and often too much effort for adults with real lives)

[eternalstateofoctober]

— 𝔞𝔩𝔩 𝔦 𝔴𝔞𝔫𝔫𝔞 𝔟𝔢 𝔦𝔰 𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖞𝖙𝖍𝖎𝖓𝖌 𝖆𝖙 𝖔𝖓𝖈𝖊 | AMC’s IWTV

also known as ”local woman is roused to learn editing to deliver everyone this fandom classic” (the video's synced better on desktop)

transcription/video description under the cut:

[video description: a fan video/edit of amc’s ”interview with the vampire” by tumblr user @eternalstateofoctober (me!!) set to a shortened version of lenka’s ”everything at once”. the video clips are cut to the rhythm of the song and its changing lyrics. the song is catchy and upbeat with a light, bouncy rhythm and a whimsical but also slightly melancholic vibe at times. it has a steady beat with repeating piano notes and some xylophone. the video clips are muted so only the song is playing, save for a few voiceover lines and sound effects.

(instrumental intro, repeating piano notes)

the théâtre des vampires orchestra starts playing and another member checks the projector. a watermark with the username @eternalstateofoctober flashes on screen and disappears at the same time as a projector light flickers.

🎵 as sly as a fox 🎵

two clips of daniel after the trial script reveal. first he tosses the script to louis, then he pushes his glasses up and casts a hard look at an off-screen armand.

🎵 as strong as an ox 🎵

armand uses the mind gift to make the coven fall asleep at the dinner table in 2x04, voiceover of him yelling ”enough!” angrily and banging the table. table settings clattering. then lestat using the mind gift at the trial to manipulate louis’ sentence. his left ear starts bleeding. VO lestat: ”banishment...”

🎵 as fast as a hare 🎵

louis sprints at daniel in ’73, making him stumble back.

🎵 as brave as a bear 🎵

clips of young daniel being tortured by armand. first he lifts his gaze, then there’s two clips of him being slammed down by armands powers. last clip is him closing his eyes while armand holds his face. VO of daniel’s grunts and whimpers.

🎵 as free as a bird 🎵

claudia on stage as baby lu mimes opening a window made of projections happily.

🎵 as neat as a word 🎵

claudia writes in her diary in season 1, the clip has a double exposure effect with her pen moving on the page.

🎵 as quiet as a mouse 🎵

a wide shot of the sewers the children of darkness inhabit.

🎵 as big as a house 🎵

establishing shot of the théâtre des vampires building. suddenly the screen flashes black and there’s a quick flickering shot of the talamasca logo on daniel’s laptop screen and a glitching sound effect.

🎵 as mean as a wolf 🎵

close-up of santiago on stage in 2x02, he looks right at the audience seductively.

🎵 as sharp as a tooth 🎵

shots of the vamps baring their fangs. lestat ripping the priests throat out in 1x01, claudia in madeleine’s shop, louis in ’73 showing off to daniel, armand hissing at lestat in 2x03.

🎵 as deep as a bite 🎵

extreme close-up of lestat biting louis at the altar.

🎵 as dark as the night 🎵

madeleine lights a candle that illuminates her face during a power outage. she’s watched from outside her shop window by a curious claudia.

🎵 as sweet as a song 🎵

young daniel embraces armand after armand has manipulated him to accept death. armand strokes his hair and there’s armand’s calm whisper as a voiceover: ”i’ll hold you…”

🎵 as right as a wrong 🎵

claudia’s real turning. lestat looks up from an off-screen louis who’s begging on his knees. in the second clip he’s kneeling next to claudia on the floor and lifting her upper body while louis’ back is still turned to them.

🎵 as long as a road 🎵

louis’ finger taps a spot on a map in the warzone.

🎵 as ugly as a toad 🎵

the vampire bruce cocking his head.

🎵 as pretty as a picture, hanging from a fixture 🎵

lestat’s portrait hangs on the wall in the théâtre’s green room in 2x02, jumpcut to it in flames in 2x08.

🎵 strong like a family 🎵

the de pointe du lac and frenière families pose for a portrait at grace’s wedding. the clip changes to the next with the camera’s flash going off.

🎵 strong as i wanna be 🎵

VO Madeleine: ”mais j'ai survécu.” (”but i survived” in french). shots of madeleine’s past, the trial by mob. extreme close-up of her crying face, the angry crowd surrounding her, her screaming while her hair is shorn. the segment ends with her throwing an iron through her shop window where a group of locals has just painted a swastika. sound effect of glass shattering.

🎵 bright as day, as light as play 🎵

madeleine’s vision of claudia as she’s turned. claudia in a yellow dress in madeleine’s shop, smiling to the camera—at madeleine—and turning to the mirror. the whole scene basks in warm, bright afternoon light.

🎵 as hard as nails 🎵

grace looks up at a slightly off-screen louis in 1x05, a hard, difficult look. they are at louis’ fake grave at night and grace is holding a funeral bouquet.

🎵 as grand as a whale 🎵

two clips after one another. first is louis being buried alive in 2x07, a silent scream as the rocks rush to cover his face. second one is his feet stepping onto the rocks in the penthouse’s sundial room. VO old daniel: ”where’s your coffin?”

(the music quiets and slows down slightly for the next line.)

🎵 as warm as the sun 🎵

close-up of claudia burning in the sun at the trial. she is turning into ash but still looks at an off-screen lestat.

🎵 as silly as fun 🎵

several clips in rapid succession. murder family laughing at a movie theatre, them dancing together—holding hands, claudia cheering riding the sidecar of a motorcycle in paris during the théâtre’s group hunting, armand smirking wearing malek’s glasses, vamp daniel’s tv interview, him laughing at the host.

🎵 as cool as a tree 🎵

real rashid steps slightly forward, hands clasped behind his back with a neutral expression.

🎵 as scary as the sea 🎵

two clips of armand in ’73. first his eyes shake as he slams daniel down with his powers in the background, then him turning slowly—eyes wide—to face daniel that’s sitting in front of him.

🎵 as hot as fire 🎵

three clips showing fire in the show. first: daciana throwing herself into the flames, second: armand’s fire gift, him looking at a flame in his hand, third: the théâtre’s fire starting behind louis as he looks into claudia’s mirror backstage. the mirror reads ”tweedily deedily dead”.

🎵 cold as ice 🎵

louis cuts off santiago’s head, louis smirking, looking down. VO: louis’ satisfied chuckle.

🎵 sweet as sugar and everything nice 🎵

VO louis and old daniel: ”would you like a sample?” ”i’m a savory man most days.” with first a clip of armand-as-rashid’s blissful expression as louis drinks from him at the dinner table in 1x05, then three clips of sweet treats: the strawberry dessert from 1x02 being set in front of daniel, daniel taking a bite of it, then young daniel sipping his grasshopper at mary’s. the clip ends with old daniel’s hand pushing his coffee cup forward, requesting a refill.

🎵 as old as time 🎵

armand stares at a painting depicting him in the louvre, eyes wide, brows slightly furrowed, head slightly turned.

🎵 as straight as a line 🎵

the recording on daniel’s laptop flatlining, him looking at armand, armand smiling warmly at him.

🎵 as royal as a queen 🎵

lestat basks in all his king raj mardi gras costume glory, he smiles widely up at the camera positioned above his head.

🎵 as buzzed as a bee 🎵

lestat on stage in 2x03, wiggling his shoulders, smiling playfully, flipping his coat tails up and bending over for the audience.

🎵 as stealth as a tiger 🎵

estelle and celeste spying on louis and claudia in paris.

🎵 smooth as a glider 🎵

armand floats up the louvre floors as louis and dreamstat take the stairs.

🎵 pure as a melody, pure as i wanna be 🎵

first, a shot of louis and paul dancing at grace’s wedding, smiling at each other. then, a close-up of paul sitting of the roof, turning to look at an off-screen louis as the screen slowly fades to black and another watermark appears. the voiceover is paul and louis’: ”i love you, louis.” ”i love you too, baby brother.”

/end video description]

[lethal-spaceship]

The unenlightened masses,

They cannot make the judgement call.

Give up free will forever,

Their voices won't be heard at all!

[kbluebirdart]

People may not notice this about graphic designers

Some fonts are extremely expensive.😱 Purchase a font license is required if the font owner does not allow 100% free use legally.

SO yeah... if you hire a graphic designer, it's not only their creativity you pay for...🥲

[tj-crochets]

So much of this switch to new software at work is me desperately going "let me teach you how to do this. Please. Please I don't want to be the only one who knows how to do this please let me share this knowledge please I don't want to have to fix everything myself" It is only just now occurring to me that the reason I can figure out how to fix a lot of the issues people are running into might be because when we were in the testing phase of the new software I deliberately set out to break it as many ways as I could. Like. I thought that's just what you do when stress-testing new software? You input the wrong data in the wrong places and add dates that don't make sense and you set things to pay without ever putting a name it's paying and anything else you can think of someone accidentally doing so that IT can either fix the holes or tell you how to undo it if you make a mistake. You don't just test how it works when everything is going perfectly, because everything won't go perfectly every time

[youve-always-had-me-cas]

on the scale of like. The machine is:

not alive <- a person -> a higher being

I think it goes

Finch <- Reese -> Root

Which is sooo funny because everyone other than John would give essays about why they strongly believe they are right on this one AND essays on why "the machine is a person" is not a neutral stance to take at all but they are all betraying how much they care too much about the topic compared to him. I think he believes the machine is a person because people are easy to understand on a conceptual level even if not on an individual level. They exist. They have their own motivations. Every other stance is so intensely philosophical it becomes impractical.

[pseudophan]

i know it would only be an unnecessary pain in the ass for him if i did but it does bother me not to respond like THANK YOU SO MUCH to my gp's messages to me through the healthcare online portal thing. he has a tendency to sit and answer messages and prescription refill requests late as hell in the evening because that's when he finally has the time and it feels so wrong to not reply even if it's entirely unnecessary and he neither expects nor wants that

[k-i-l-l-e-r-b-e-e-6-9]

Doom is a first-person shooter game developed and published by id Software. Released on December 10, 1993, for DOS

[mochizuke-creates]

“Who are you, I wonder… Puppet? Or a human?” - GIF Ver.

[dvlwablu]

your personal space? OUR personal space

[reyrapidsbutgayer]

Ranking all Elden Ring Base Game NPCs by Fuckability. PART 3 of 4

We are almost there guys, just stick with me... this is the final stretch until the top 10.

Tumblr has a 30 image limit and there are 91 characters to get through. Don't blame me, blame @azothinc

[PART 1 (91-66) | PART 2 (65-37) | PART 3 (36-11) | PART 4 (Top 10)]

Welcome back, time to resume sucking and fucking our way across the Land's Between.

#36: Lanya

Pros: Honestly, she's such a little tomboy.

Cons: Is dead

Reasoning: If Lanya had stayed alive during the course of the game, she would have 100% cracked Diallos's egg and the two of them would be living their best lives as a she/they lesbian couple in Jarburg. You cannot prove me wrong on this, you know in your heart that I am right.

#35: Lightseeker Hyetta

Pros: Crazy (In a hot way)

Cons: Is a possessed corpse who wants to burn the entire world.

Reasoning: This is specifically the Hyetta at the end of her questline. At the start, she is too naive and uncertain to be a good lover. After accepting her role as the maiden of the Three Fingers... she is STILL not a good lover.

But she is fucking crazy.

She will ride you while you feed her pus filled eyeballs, she will probably grow tendril/mushroom-like growths out of her skin that she wraps you up in like a spider. She will scream and chant in multiple horrible cacophonous voices while she clenches in an orgasms that spews boiling frenzy juices upon your skin where it promptly blisters, pops and then heals over only to blister again in the blink of an eye. The light of a frenyflame stone will dance across your conjoining skin, healing the damage she does to your body long enough to survive this madding mating ritual, but just barely.

You will probably die. But I mean... if you are already going for the Frenzied Flame ending, you two might as well have a rigorous-end-of-the-world-fuck-fest™ where you violate all laws of nature and human decency.

#34: Mad Tongue Alberich

Pros: Stylish, Polite, Heretic

Cons: Is actively turning into stone.

Reasoning: This guy might come across as pretty evil at the start of the game, but time will prove him right. The roundtable hold isn't exactly a paragon of virtue, and the hideous transformation caused by his devotion to the Blood Star is forgivable. I mean after all, he's called "Mad Tongue" for a reason if you know what I mean.

I mean that he's good at oral sex. And if his polite bow during your honorable duel is anything to go by, he doesn't let you leave until you have both finished. It's the only honorable way.

#33: Tanith's Knight

Pros: Big old throat sack, Heretic.

Cons: Simp.

Reasoning: As stated in my boss fuckability post, the Crucible Knights are disciples of Hoarah Loux, the most sexually dominate man to ever walk the Land's between. They also have animalistic crucible powers, capable of growing animalistic body parts to aid in battle or the bedroom.

But these guys can also harsh the vibes pretty severely. At least Tanith's knight has the decency to go against the Erdtree and hitch his cart to a sexier (albeit doomed) horse like the Recusants.

#32: Great Horned Tragoth.

Pros: A really decent upstanding Guy

Cons: A little boring.

Reasoning: Don't get me wrong, Tragoth is super chill. He intentionally goes out of his way to avoid the main quest and assist other Tarnished along the way. He's stalwart and reliable, and too tough for Patches to handle (Although that's not too impressive an accomplishment, considering that Patches would surrender to a sufficiently aggressive pigeon.)

But he must have done something to piss off the Volcano Manor, which either means he's:

A: A good enough warrior that they want Rykard to eat and absorb him.

B: still loyal to the Golden Order, which is lame as hell.

#31: Smithing Master Hewg

Pros: Good Dad, Good Blacksmith, Good Dude

Cons: Self hating, a little senile.

Reasoning: Oh Hewg, oh how I love thee. He is a dependable ally, kind to others, non-judgemental and hardworking. He takes in Roderika, builds her confidence and basically becomes her adopted dad with the only hesitation coming from him not believing he is good enough for her. He is living proof that the Golden Order is a bunch of big fat dumb racists. They claim that those lesser like the Misbegotten are just vile animals worthy of genocide... but like, that's my buddy you're talking about, that's my boy Hewg. I will fucking stab you in the face before speaking an ill word about Hewg.

Now let me speak an ill word about Hewg.

He is getting a little too old for a serious sexual relationship. He's too wrapped up in his self destructive oath to pursue his own happiness. That makes me feel bad for him, and I am left to dream of a time long past where I could have sucked his balls out through his urethra like i'm drinking boba tea.

#30: Merchant Kalé

Pros: Is a loyal hardworking friend

Cons: Is 'THIS' close to snapping.

Reasoning: Kalé is a great guy. He takes care of us, offers us important items, supplies us with as many throwing knives as we need, and points us in the right direction without asking anything in return...

But sometimes we do get late night texts from him talking about how "he's really gonna do it this time."

He's got some anger issue, or perhaps some frenzied flame issues. And that does put a bit of a damper on our relationship.

#29: Juno Hoslow, Knight of Blood

Pros: A noble and kind warrior

Cons: Kind of a loser, is ugly.

Reasoning: Juno Hoslow is pretty hot as long as he keeps that mask on. He is the golden boy of house Hoslow, and instead of reveling in it, he seemed to genuinely care about his baby brother, and didn't rub his status in his face.

But he also ended up dying in an abandoned shack in the middle of a desolate frozen tundra following a doomed quest. A sad end to all the hopes placed on him by house Hoslow.

Also I looked up all the NPCs without masks while making this list. Have you seen what Juno Looks like? Unfortunately, he's kinda ugly.

#28: Maureen, Second Sister

Pros: Crazy Valkyrie warrior woman.

Cons: Is in a cult, wants to commit parricide.

Reasoning: So... all of the Scarlet Valkyries are fucking smoke shows. Even if they are all rotting and loyal to a piece of shit like Gowry, a warrior woman is a warrior woman.

They are all pretty crazy, in both a sexy and unsexy manner.

If they weren't all trying to kill Millicent, they would be perfect.

Maureen is my least favorite, probably because I personally don't like the treespear much. But King Arthur still couldn't pull me out.

#27: Pollyanna, Youngest Sister

Pros: Crazy Valkyrie warrior woman.

Cons: Is in a cult, wants to commit parricide.

Reasoning: I get good vibes off of Pollyanna. She is willing to help you fight Commander O'Neil, and has the wherewithal to use incantations and strategy.

She is the youngest, and possibly the most naïve of the group, but she seems feisty. I can forgive her for using a gross spell like Pest Threads, since I like it when women are able to shoot white sticky- I can't even finish that joke in good conscience but you can see where I was going with that.

#26: Mary, Eldest Sister

Pros: Crazy Valkyrie warrior woman.

Cons: Is in a cult, wants to commit parricide.

Reasoning: As the oldest, I think she is the most mature and in command. She can probably step on me and push me around but in a nice way. She is also fully blind but can use the Halo Scythe with deadly proficiency, that shows training and dedication. I think she would be cool to hang out with, even if she might be a tad controlling.

#25: Amy, Third Sister

Pros: Crazy Valkyrie warrior woman.

Cons: Is in a cult, wants to commit parricide.

Reasoning: Amy just has the fucking sauce you know? Every screenshot of her looks like she's the protagonist of her own anime. If I we assume that each sister isn't simply a brainwashed clone, I think Amy has the most potential to become her own person.

She has TWO of the flowing curved swords. We the player can only find one per playthrough. How many of these swords exist in the world? An ancient symbol of the blind swordsman who sealed away the Outer God of Rot... why does Gowry let her fight with these? Does he know? I feel like she can break out of Gowry's control if the situation allows.

Basically, I can fix her.

#24: Rya/Zorayas the Scout.

Pros: A wonderful little snake

Cons: Still on her quest of self discovery

Reasoning: Rya is such a good person. She genuinely believes in people, sees good in the world, and holds herself accountable for faults that are not her own. Lady Tanith, who literally feeds heroes to a giant god devouring serpent, can't bring herself to even make Rya cry.

While not the sexiest NPC on the list, she is one of the most "romancable" ones. She would be so happy to find love with a person she trusts, going to bed every night, her long body constricting around her partner content and warm.

But much like Boc, she also needs some time to grow as a person before she is emotionally ready for a relationship. And yes... she can also do better than you.

#23: Sorcerer Rogier

Pros: Kind, Brave, Submissive, Breedable

Cons: Is filled with insects.

Reasoning: Rogier has a lot of interesting dialogue most players miss. Finding the hidden Black Knife assassin, meeting Ranni or progressing Fia's quest tends to skip over a lot of his characterization. He is a pretty honorable man, inquisitive, forgiving, and most importantly, willing to challenge the established order in the spirit of compassion.

He also seems to very much be a bottom, from how easily Fia sexually manipulates him. With little effort, you too can sexually manipulate this man. He IS filled with bugs, but that shouldn't stop you from filling him with something more pleasant.

#22: Dolores the Slumbering Arrow

Pros: A bad bitch

Cons: Is a mind controlled puppet.

Reasoning: An oft overlooked NPC, Dolores haunts the narrative more than you might realize. She was possibly the lover of either Gideon or Selivus, and was tricked into becoming a puppet. But she was evidently a bad bitch back in her day. She is a follower of St. Trina, and pretty everyone loyal to St. Trina is DEEPLY fuckable. She was also able to stand up to Gideon (not a hard thing to do actually, he has no willpower) and potentially kicked his ass back in the day.

I miss my wife, I miss her a lot.

#21: Witch Hunter Jerren

Pros: A man of great resolve

Cons: Witches deserve better.

Reasoning: Jerren is pretty hot. A loyal knight, a brilliant strategist, incredibly gay if his fashion sense is anything to go off of. He has a great deal of honor, and works hard to do the right thing.

But I'm not sure he ever justifies why killing Sellen is the right thing. Maybe he wasn't aware that Sellen's quest to take over Raya Lucaria would ultimately fail, but come on man. So she committed a bit of heresy, god forbid if woman has hobbies.

#20: Eleonora, Violet Bloody Finger

Pros: Crazy hot drake warrior.

Cons: Blood crazed hot drake warrior.

Reasoning: Much like Vyke's Maiden, Elonora is another "woman so hot that men are driven to lustfully madden quests of self destruction to win her back"

She seems like a severe badass, and the only thing better than banging Yura, is banging his crazy ex-wife.

Although blood crazed, I have a theory that Eleonora isn't as insane as she comes across. She has the purifying crystal needed to defeat Mohg, she is a "violet" bloody finger, an odd color choice, and she is the only bloody finger to NOT have the mark of Mohg on her face.

I think she was driven mad by Dragon Communion, not the lord of blood. Maybe her mind has gone to the point where she only remembers her and Yura's quest to eliminate the Bloody Fingers, and now can only pursue it out of animal instinct.

Long story short: we were denied a threesome with her and Yura, either in the bedroom, or the battlefield.

#19: Roderika The Spirit Tuner

Pros: A gentle soul blossoming into a strong woman

Cons: Self Hating, a little Naïve.

Reasoning: I have a lot of faith in Roderika. She started out in such a low place, but through the love of others and the compassion she fostered in others, she developed into a person brave enough to die for a good cause.

Normally, I'd rank her lower, she falls into the same category as Boc and Rya. Rather young characters who are not emotionally equipped for a complex sexual relationship.

But as stated before, I have a lot of Faith in her.

I fully believe that if Roderika manages to escape the burning Roundtable, she would go on to mature into a powerful and brave spirit tuner...

And probably gain the ability to ascend to some higher spiritual plane where she can mind meld with the dead and re-live their experiences. She would gain SO much knowledge and emotional clarity... and when she is finally ready to have sex, she would act all sweet and innocent at first, then without warning unleash a thousands years of sexual experiences upon you in a gigantic blast of spiritual energy. You'd cum while being wiped from existence and your mind scattered to the far edges of the cosmos, and you'd LOVE IT.

#18: Recusant Bernahl

Pros: Daddy

Cons: Tiny bit of a crazed fanatic

Reasoning: In terms of just "regular human dudes." Bernahl is close to the top of the list. He's tall, he's hot, he's understanding, he's just a little glint of crazy in his eyes.

You can kill his lord and he'll just forgive you and move on. He has a ton going on under the surface, never revealing his true motivations, not even up until the end. He does seem to stand in your way on his own quest of fanatical devotion, but that's like, barely even a rude gesture in the context of this world. He's worth it, fuck him as many times as you can manage, and then fuck him six to eighteen times more for good measure.

#17: Blaidd The Half Wolf

Pros: A good boy

Cons: Not as sexy as everyone thinks he is.

Reasoning: This will be a controversial take, but I don't think Blaidd is all THAT fuckable. Don't get me wrong now, he's #17 for a reason. He's reliable, he's tragic, he's tough, he's a giant wolf man capable of folding you in half.

But Blaidd always gave me kinda asexual vibes. He seems very uninterested in romance or even extreme passion. His most emotional moments are in relation to Ranni, whom he genuinely seems to see fully as a sister and nothing else. He is polite but mostly professional to the player, and doesn't even seem all tht homoerotically antagonistic towards his enemies like Darriwil.

He comes across to me personally as casually uninterested in sex.

But if he WASN'T.

Oh lord.

#16: Diallos Hoslow

Pros: So goddamn breedable you can get him pregnant from looking at him too sternly.

Cons: Needs to complete a character arc first.

Reasoning: I really firmly love this twink.

Diallos struggles to be a good person, he fails and he fails and he learns to accept it. He lets go of his revenge, and his family duties all to accept the humble role as Jarburg's Potentate.

He gives up all chances for glory and acclaim to protect the most downtrodden members of society and dies protecting those he can.

Let me smash that twink, let me smash him now.

#15: Tanith, Proprietress of the Volcano Manor

Pros: A good Mom

Cons: A terrible Person

Reasoning: Tanith is a really interesting character. Her character arc is frustratingly unfinished in a sense, which i feel is half the point. Instead of leaving with Rya, or embracing her past as Patches suggests, she resigns herself to the long and horrible task of eating Rykard's body.

Even before that, was implied to be one of the dancers of Ranah, having seduced and schemed all the way up into the graces of a demigod. While I have half a mind to believe that she is actually Daedicar (flayed skin so she wears a mask, might be ashamed to admit she is Rya's biological mother, so distances herself by lying about the adoption.) She is just as interesting as a stand alone character. Even after all she endured, and the pain she went through to care for Rya, she does not waver from her goal of overthrowing the Erdtree. That takes commitment.

And even factoring in how she tricks heroes into becoming fuel for her lord, she STILL can get it.

Any human who can sexually satisfy one of the crazy and lustful children of Marika must be fucking INSANE in bed. I honestly fear some of the positions this woman can bend herself into.

#14: Kindling Maiden Melina

Pros: The only motherfucker in this city who can handle me.

Cons: A little judgemental, is a ghost.

Reasoning: It's really sad how many people don't vibe with Melina. I have always stood by the idea that Melina would feel more pivotal to the plot if she appeared every-time you sat down at a site of grace.

She stands by us our whole journey, through thick and thin, and if she felt like a consistent presence throughout the game, losing her at the mountaintop of the giants would have felt so much more painful, seeing the empty spot where she had once been.

I really like Melina, she's a little weird, she's creepy, she holds a genuine belief in the good of humanity. I also feel that if she had a body, or manner of interacting with the physical world, (which she arguably does, how else could she hand us torrents whistle, or touch us to level up?) She would be just as sexually aggressive as her dear old mother.

She would drain us dry before we could even react. Playing the role of a finger maiden indeed, and playing it well.

#13: Blackguard Big Boggart

Pros: Never met someone with a taste for prawn I couldn't trust.

Cons: Stinky

Reasoning: Boggart is bro who has my back, and he's the definitive bad boy of Elden Ring. He has a sketchy past, but is still a good guy. He might rob the occasional passerby, but in context, that's not even a blip compared to some of the genocidal maniacs on this list.

He looks out for me, he feeds me shellfish, he has a sense of humor.

I can overlook his dirty clothes and unkempt demeanor, We are in this together, and by 'this' I mean each other's assholes. Honestly one of the few NPCs that is marriage material.

#12: Bloody Finger Hunter Yura

Pros: Daddy

Cons: None

Reasoning: See Okina? THIS is what a samurai is.

Sword? Sharpened.

Hat? Big.

Voice? Gravely

Beard? Unkempt

Sex appeal? Off the charts.

The sex would be as fearsome as it is majestic.

#11: Phillia, Towering Little Sister

Pros: LET THE BIRTHING DROPLET IN (cum)

Cons: LET THE BIRTHING DROPLET IN (cum)

Reasoning:

LET THE BIRTHING DROPLET IN (cum)

LET THE BIRTHING DROPLET IN (cum)

LET THE BIRTHING DROPLET IN (cum)

LET THE BIRTHING DROPLET IN (cum)

LET THE BIRTHING DROPLET IN (cum)

what else can I say, she's a giant woman in need of a birthing droplet (cum)

Continued in Part 4: ->

Next up is the top 10.

<- Part 1 <- Part 2

[devileaterjaek]