#pike drabbles

[lovingbradshawafterdark]

GASP waking up art with sloppy head and riding him for good luck on the morning of a big match :)

This isn’t my best but enjoy I’m still rusty

Art Donaldson x gn!reader (I think)

Warnings: slight Somnophilia at the beginning, unprotected sex, riding and oral sex (male receiving) mdni

At first, Art thought it was just a wet dream, he thought someone was sucking his dick good until you put all of him in your mouth, waking him with a start, gasping as he looks at you between his legs.

“Hi, Artie” you purr after your mouth comes off his dick with a pop. He’s still a bit frazzled, hard and frazzled. You smirked and sat on your knees “I wanted to surprise you before that big match” he got up to kiss you yet you pushed him back down and shushed him, it wasn’t until now that he realized you were just wearing an oversized shirt with nothing underneath. You straddled him and lined yourself up with his cock. He let out a moan as you went down on him.

“Fuck~” Art whimpered as you gave yourself a moment to adjust before slowly rocking your hips against his. Art whimpers loudly this time, his eyes lidded and heavy as you throw your head back, riding him until he cums deep inside you as you reach your high a bit later. Art doesn’t know what to do as he just pants as you collapse against his chest.

[dancingtotuyo]

Sage (Marcus Pike Drabble)

Rating: PG

Summary: You and Marcus can't agree on anything.

Tags/Warnings: fluff, mentions of alcohol

Notes: The challenge: write a drabble in 30ish minutes with the assigned Pedro boy for the prompt "finally, something we can agree on." Thanks to @saradika-graphics for the lovely dividers! No beta we die like my soul working 40+ hours a week.

Words: 452

Author Master List | Marcus Pike Master List | Daily Clicks for Palestine

“We should go out sometime,” Marcus says, a charming smile painted on his face as he leans against your desk.

You move your eyes up toward him and then pull them back to the case file in front of you. “No.”

“It’ll be fun. I know this great Mexican place just around the corner-”

“I don’t date coworkers, Marcus.” You look through the case file like it’s the most riveting piece of literature you’ve ever read. 

“Oh, Bob was gonna come too.” He points to the desk right behind you. 

You spin around and Bob waves at you with a smile. Marcus returns the gesture to your coworker. “See you at 7? I’ll text you the address.”

He’s gone before you can protest.

You laugh at something Marcus says as you finish off your margarita. Bob left an hour ago, but you and Marcus haven’t moved. They kick you out at closing. 

“Wanna come to mine? It’s just around the corner.”

“I told you I don’t-”

“Who said anything about a date?” 

“You told your mom about me?” 

“No.” Marcus scratches the back of his neck. 

You cross your arms, raising an eyebrow at him. 

“Not intentionally,” He says weakly. “She really wants to meet you.”

“No,” You say as Marcus’s doorbell rings. 

“You want Pizza or Chicken for dinner?”

“Pasta.” You bite back a smile.

Marcus looks at you with a half-annoyed look. 

“I love you.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Excuse me?”

“You just think you do. I have that effect on people.”

“You’re just being difficult. 

Marcus burrows his head into the crook of your neck, leaving soft kisses on your skin. Your legs stretch out under the covers as you blink away the sleep haze. 

“Good morning.” His voice is soft and husky. 

“Good morning.” You smile.

“I’ve been thinking.”

“Never a good thing.”

“Why don’t you move in with me?”

“I like having my own space.”

“You can have the spare bedroom.”

“Beige or charcoal?” Marcus asks.

“Sage.”

“That wasn’t an option.”

“It’s a better one.”

“Silver or gold?’

“You should know the answer to that.”

“Humor me.”

“Figure it out, Mr. FBI.”

“Marry me?” He’s on his knee in front of you, a diamond ring set in the correct metal in a velvet box. 

You’re wide-eyed, not expecting it tonight. He’s looking at you with nothing but big heart eyes and a hopeful smile. It makes your heart melt. This is your man. He’s all yours. Your Marcus.

“Yes,” It falls from your lips as you meet him on the ground, pressing your lips to his. He laughs, arms wrapping around your waist 

“Had me worried you were gonna fight me on this too,” he teases. 

“Shut up.” 

[crowandmousewritingco]

Late Nights

Pairing: Marcus Pike x gn!reader

Words: 673

Rating: G (mentions of anxiety spirals)

Summary: Your brain keeps you up and a certain FBI agent keeps you company.

Author: Mod Mouse

Notes: I wrote this after having a particularly bad anxiety night so I hope this helps others when the brain juice is no good. Also unrelated but I'm surprised I've never written for this Marcus before considering my love of art so I have a feeling I will write for him more!

Late nights weren’t a new thing for the two of you. One a curator for the Smithosian’s American Art museum and the other an FBI agent dealing in art forgeries. There was always a case that needed extra work done after office hours. It was typical for the both of you to see the wee hours of the morning fueled by the strongest coffee. 

But today wasn’t one of those times. This time it was your own damn head keeping you up to the wee hours of the morning. At least with the reports you could control when you could fall asleep. But your brain was a fickle creature. Uncontrollable anxiety spiral was the choice for tonight. You had to distract your brain. 

The tv slowly played in your living room. A past favorite show playing as background noise to keep your mind from spiraling anymore. The warm cup of chamomile you held in your hands is your only hope for any semblance of medicine tonight. Absent-mindedly you watched the character repeat the same scenes that at this point you have memorized. 

The female protagonist goes on a date with a guy from her office. He says all the right things and she thinks to herself “I can’t be falling for him.” But the more they talk the more they both realize the same conclusion. Cheesy but you love it. 

You were so sucked into the comfort show that you didn’t realize your husband had walked into the living room. “Honey what’s got you up this late?” You turn to see Marcus standing at the edge of the hallway, flannel robe wrapped around himself. A Christmas present from your first Christmas as a couple all those years ago. 

“You know. Sometimes your brain mixes the wrong kind of cocktail,” You shrugged tiredly. 

Marcus frowned softly. He knew you too well not to notice the use of humor to deflect the situation. “Hun,” He said softly as he sat next to you on the couch. 

Your body unconsciously leaned into his side, like you’ve done for the whole time you’d been together. “Can’t fool you huh?” You chuckled with a sniffle as tears pricked your eyes. 

“Do you want to talk about it? Or you don’t have to. I’m more than willing to stay up with you,” Marcus offered gently, kissing your head. 

You took a minute to gather the scattered remnants of anxious thoughts before you replied. “Just do you ever have those moments where your brain decides to sow some throw away thought but then you hyperfixated on it which makes you spiral. Something like that,” You answer, sighing. 

“Can’t say I’ve ever had exactly that sort of thing happen, but I can imagine that it’s scary.” Marcus gently rubbed your side with his hand. 

“Ya it’s not fun,” You answer cuddling closer into his side. 

“Is there anything I can do?” Marcus asked. “Want me to break out those cookies you bought?” 

You giggled loving Marcus’ need for sweet popping through. “No, I think this tea and you will be enough for me tonight.” 

He smiled and leaned down to kiss your head. “Then that’s what I shall do for you.” Marcus held you close as you two watched your favorite show. The noise and the comfort of your husband is enough to finally allow you to close your eyes and sleep. 

Eventually Marcus noticed your breathing evening out. Carefully he turned off the TV, and set the half-full mug on the coffee table to deal with in the morning. Gently as to not wake you, he scooped you in his arms and carried you back to your shared bed. He laid you down on your side before sliding into the covers on his side. When the blankets covered your both, he leaned over and gently kissed your head. 

“Sweet dreams my little sunflower. I’ll protect you from those awful thoughts.” And with another forehead kiss, he pulled you close as the two of you fell back into a gentle sleep.

All Works Taglist

@for-a-longlongtime @romanarose

Pedro Character Taglist

@littlemisspascal @burntheedges

@carusolikey @thebeldroramscal

@morallyinept @lady-bess

@pedrostories @rivnedell

@pascalsanctuary @readingiskeepingmegoing

Thanks to the lovely @saradika-graphics for the dividers!

[pedroshotwifey]

Marcus pike fluff about having kids? Pleaseeeeee

Coming right up 😉 You already know this man would be the best father!

*****

“Daddy’s home!!” 

You smile as you watch your kids bolt to the front door, completely forgetting about the half-made chocolate chip cookie mess in the kitchen. They’re probably tracking flour all over the hardwood, but you can’t find it in you to care. 

“There are my babies,” you hear Marcus reply, and then a grunt which you can only assume comes from both your son and daughter pouncing on him for a hug. By the time you make your way to the front hall with your giant, pregnant belly, your suspicions have been confirmed. Marcus is down on his knees, squeezing both of his children in a tight embrace. 

You lean against the doorway, making eye contact with him. He grins at you and sends a quick wink, making your stomach flutter. 

“We’re making cookies, daddy!” your daughter suddenly spills. Marcus raises his brows and looks down at her with exaggerated surprise. 

“You are?” He asks, to which she furiously nods. She lets go of him, your son following, and instead snatches his hand. He shakes his head at you as they drag him past, and you can’t help but smile. You know you’ll get your turn.

Your son beats you all to the kitchen, where he takes his spot on one of the step stools to reach the counter. “Look, we made chocolate chip!” Brayden drags the already-cooled pan toward him and swipes one up off the sheet just as Marcus picks Ella up and sets her on the counter next to him. He barely has time to open his mouth before there’s a cookie being shoved into it, both children laughing as he takes a bite. 

He chews and moans at the taste, making you laugh because you know that first batch had wayyy too much salt, courtesy of Brayden. There’s absolutely no way they taste any kind of good. 

“Is it good, Daddy?” Ella asks, eyes wide with equal curiosity and admiration. Marcus swallows the salty monstrosity without so much as a wince. 

“They’re perfect, pumpkin,” he beams. “You’re telling me the two of you aren’t chefs?” 

Brayden laughs. “Noo, Daddy!” 

You grimace through your smile as Marcus voluntarily takes another bite of the cookie. “

“Could’ve fooled me,” he says through his chewing. 

You shake your head. This man. 

******

More drabbles here

[lovelybucky1]

While I am here

Vader testing that new appendage he had custom made on you…maybe it vibrates

he’d torture the fuck out if you with a vibrator. he’d strap you down and rest it on you until you were crying with overstimulation and couldn’t cum anymore

visit my inbox!

[nerdieforpedro]

Missing My Baby

Marcus Pike x Reader

Summary: You’re missing your fiance Marcus while he away. Having time alone isn’t good for everyone.

Word Count: 543

Warnings: loneliness, depression, obsession, angst (did Nerdie manage this?!)

Notes: Written for the Selena Drabble Challenge put together by the wonderful @fhatbhabie 💕

Main Masterlist / Writing Challenges / Marcus Pike Masterlist

He’s gone. Not permanently of course. Marcus, your sweet fiance is in France, one of the most romantic places on earth. Why are you not with him? It’s for work, he’s part of a team dispatched to the Louvre Museum to study different arts and methods of identifying pieces from different time periods.

His excitement was written all over his face when he came home and told you. Of course you were proud of him, you always are. Outside of him being an FBI agent in the art crimes division (sounds like he could have his own TV from that alone), he’s so patient, kind and understanding. He’s also one of the most handsome men you’ve had the pleasure of knowing, both with facial hair and without.

It’s been a full month and you swear you’re fine. It’s what you keep telling yourself, family, friends and Marcus. You ensure your best self is shown to him. If there’s one thing that worries you about Marcus is that he can be rather selfless when it comes to marking out time for himself in his own schedule. You had encouraged him to go, do something for himself and that you’d hold down the fort of your two bedroom apartment.

After another FaceTime call with your dear special agent, you drag yourself to his side of the bed, laying on your side so you can breathe in his scent. It’s a light musk that’s mixed with pine based off of the body wash he uses. Unfortunately tonight, you’ve been sleeping on his side of the bed one too many times and it smells more like you than him. Sitting up on the side of the bed, you take hold of his pillow and laugh at how silly you’re being. You’re an adult, so is he. He’s only gone for work, it’s an excellent opportunity for him.

Your chest still hurts though. It doesn’t stop your face from contorting with tears. This is making you wonder if you should just tell him to come home. You could, and you know with all certainty that Marcus would be on the next plane home.

He would never leave again unless he took you with him. That makes you smile, but your head is buried deep into the pillow. You need to believe he’s coming home safe. Things will go fine and he’ll be back in two more weeks. Just because you miss him doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be allowed his own advancement and interests.

But the same part of you that misses him want to have him tethered to you so you can hold him tight, never let him out of your sight. You’d be able to feel his heartbeat next to yours and tell him over and over that you love him. Don’t go anywhere again Marcus.

“Time keeps passing by. I’m missing my baby…Missing my baby, weighs on my mind…”

Your tears continue to wet his pillow as you stand and begin to pace the room, keeping your eyes trained on a photo the two of you took on your six-month anniversary at the Smithsonian.

“Missing my baby, missing my baby. I’ve gotta have you here by my side and hold you tight. I miss you Marcus…”

Pike pool swimmers (safety first!) 🛟: @secretelephanttattoo @trulybetty @magpiepillsjunior @i-own-loki @morallyinept @pedritapascal @yorksgirl @goodwithcheese @marcus-is-my-muse @megamindsecretlair @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @pamasaur @pedroshotwifey @missladym1981 @harriedandharassed @maggiemayhemnj

[creedslove]

✨ DRABBLE MASTERLIST ✨

✨ MAIN MASTER

(series and one shots) HERE

✨ HEADCANON MASTERLIST

• Masterlist ONE

• Masterlist TWO

✨ AGENT WHISKEY

• The horse pendant (angst)

✨ DAVE YORK

• Dave falling on his knees for you (fluff)

✨ JAVIER PEÑA

• We can't 💔 (angst)

• We can't 💔 PART TWO (angst)

• You're mine (fluff)

• Macarena 🎊 (fluff)

• La Lluvia 🌧️ (fluff)

• Being a boy dad (fluff)

✨ JOEL MILLER

• Joel meets you at the gym (fluff)

• Joel and you listen to music on the record player (fluff/smut)

• Don't do this (angst)

• Joel taking care of his sick baby (fluff)

• Your light (angst/fluff)

• His ✨ (smut/fluff)

✨ MARCUS PIKE

[whataperfectwasteoftime]

Okay but Marcus’s praise kink?

Two miles long. He loves calling you his “good girl” but if you turn the tables and call him your “good boy”? Man might just spontaneously combust.

You're 100% right. The thing about Marcus Pike is that he's used to being the one in charge. He's used to making the first move, planning all the dates, and being the dominant one in bed.

(18+, smut under the cut) (also this got angsty oops)

And that's not to say he doesn't like it--he loves taking care of you. He loves to completely take you apart and then praise you for how well you break for him. He loves to whisper little sweet nothings in your ear when he gently slides into you, side by side. He loves surprising you with flowers "just because" and holding your chair out for you at dinner and making you breakfast in the morning. He's just Like That.

But somewhere along the line, his brain internalized the lesson that he's only worth what he gives to other people. Either from having a difficult child where he was forced the be the adult (I hc that he was the oldest child in a very large family and spent a lot of his childhood helping his overworked parents take care of the younger kids) or through a series of unhealthy relationships. But of course, the more Marcus gives over the years, the more people took.

Whether it was his ex-wife, who took advantage of his sense of chivalry and duty and got married too quickly after college even though he knew it wasn't a good match. She was drowning in student debt and he could help her, dammit.

Or maybe it was Teresa, who, unknowingly or not, used him to get to Patrick Jane. I don't think she did it intentionally--I think she was just interested in throwing herself into "the next best thing" as quickly as possible to distract her from her feelings. I think she did, at one point, want it to work. When he felt her slipping from him--the move, the job, the obvious tension between her and her partner--he gave more. And more, and more, and more. It's clear to me that Marcus thought the more he gave her, the more likely it was that she'd stay with him. So he gave. And Teresa took.

Marcus is used to giving.

So when he meets you, and you praise him for all that he gives you--before giving everything right back, he isn't sure what to do with himself.

He surprises you with flowers at work.

You manage to sneak Nationals tickets into his desk drawer.

He always runs around to the passenger side of his car to open the door for you.

You always text him "Good morning <3", without fail, every day.

He rasps praises above you while buried deep inside, the headboard shaking with how hard he's fucking you from behind, calling you his good girl for taking it so well, for being so responsive, for being so loud, for getting his cock so fucking wet when you cum.

But when you, in between your broken moans and choked cries as he hits that spot deep inside you that drives you wild, start to murmur back, barely aware of what you're saying, he's.... shocked.

"Marcus, f-fuck, you--you always feel so good like this. You fuck me so good, always take--hnng--such good care of m-me. It's so fucking good, Marcus."

He... his pace falters. You've never known him to falter when he's lost in you like this; he keeps his pace with ruthless precision.

"Say... say it again. Please." The words are barely audible, as if he's ashamed to ask.

"You're so good," you whisper. "You're so good to me. Your cock feels so good, everything feels good with you. You're fucking perfect, Marcus."

He suddenly falls, landing roughly on his elbows; his ragged breath is suddenly in your ear and his body cages you to the bed and he fucks harder.

Oh.

"G-Good," you pant, although with his weight pressing down on you, your voice is strangled with the effort of getting the word out. "You're so good, baby. You are." You reach behind you to card your hand through the hair on the back of his neck, eliciting a soft, broken sound from the man.

Your voice softens, contrasting heavily with the loud slap of your bodies as they collide.

"You can let go," you whisper softly, tenderly. "Good boy."

It ends him.

With a groan--that sounds ever so slightly like a sob--Marcus buries his head in the crook of your neck and cums with his entire body. You feel as though you move several inches up the bed as his hips roll and his back convulses with pleasure.

"T-Tell me... meant it," Marcus slurs into your skin as the two of you catch your breath.

You awkwardly turn underneath him, ignoring the soft noise of protest when he slips from your heat in the process. Looking up at him with soft eyes, you say it again.

"You are," you assure him. "So good. My good boy."

Marcus's disbelieving expression melts into a bright, warm smile. He kisses you once on the lips, then starts to trail his way down your body.

"Where are you going?" you ask, giggling.

He fixes you with a mischievous look. "Gonna show you just how good I can be."

[wannab-urs]

Hozier Drabble Challenge Masterlist

Howdy folks!

Welcome to the Hozier Drabble Challenge. Each writer was given a song and a pedro boy and challenged to write a drabble based on that. Please heed the warnings on each fic! Happy Reading!

Main Masterlist | Fanfic Events | AO3 | Kofi

Hozier

The Only Heaven I'll Be Sent To by @freelancearsonist - Joel

In a Week by sweetercalypso - Marcus Pike

Sedated by @luxurychristmaspudding - Dave

Cherry Wine by @julesonrecord - Whiskey

It Will Come Back by @beskarandblasters - Max Phillips

Foreigner's God by kewwrites - Dave

Work Song by @eupheme - Dave

Like Real People Do by fhatbhabie - Frankie

Wasteland, Baby

Talk Refined by @ohforficsake - Ezra

Sunlight by @lotusbxtch

Nina Cried Power

Moment's Silence by sp00kymulderr - Oberyn

From Eden

From Eden by planet-marz1 - Dieter

Unreal, Unearth

Butchered Tongue by blind-assassin-12 - Din

Given a Name by @missredherring - Oberyn

De Selby Part 1 by beardedjoel - Frankie

Eat Your Young by jksprincess10 - Marcus Moreno

Damage Gets Done by burntheedges - Max Phillips

Unheard

Too Sweet by missredherring - Din

Fare Well by @nerdieforpedro - Dieter

[lovingbradshawafterdark]

Alright here we go

Rhett felt his chest tighten, watching as his father stood before him. His older brother had gotten comfort, while Rhett had none.

“It will be fine, I promise it will only hurt for a moment, this is a gift”

That was what Royal had told his oldest, yet he had nothing to say to his youngest son. Nothing to say as we watched his youngest writhe with pain and scream. The parasite infects his body and mind. Rhett’s world went dark, his hands clenching at his sides. Eyes burning as tears poured out of them.

“It hurts! Please stop it it hurts”

Rhett’s words got stuck in his throat, and it was suddenly hard to breathe as he could no longer try and fight what his father had given him. He curled up, his head ringing as his father and brother stood beside him. They both looked down as his eyes slowly fluttered open. His body surrendered to the cadou, infection complete. Rhett’s old life was gone, just like his mother was. Yet there was a part that wasn’t in such despair, a part that hid deep inside. It made him feel so alive.

Tagging for fun tehehe: @sebsxphia @sarahsmi13s @lewmagoo

[jpbpxma]

hi, this is a new writing blog for pedro pascal & his characters. I have many ideas of my own to post but I'm also accepting requests for scenarios, specific characters of his you'd like to see written or just anything really, even if it's just to talk so shoot me an ask :)<3

(yes the picture is a way to bring your attention to this post)

[curator-on-ao3]

Wednesday Drabble: Cheers

Una gets happier after a few drinks, lips curling in giggles, long neck muscles in motion with wine-lubricated laughter.

Chris veers opposite, whiskey pulling him under, more somber than in sobriety, hand tight on his glass and head spinning into doomsday.

So two people usually so in tune fall out of sync in the drink, a lift and drop of what could be alcohol-fueled entropy of separation and loss.

Except.

Her giggle hoists him up from under and his hand on the glass steadies her artificial rise, an instinctive mutual return to a shared whole.

And they’ll drink to that.

•

Christopher Pike drabbles: 2, 1/?

[pedroshotwifey]

I’m back with a Marcus Pike thot?!

Seeing as the last was sooooo good!

How would he react if the condom split?

🫠

Hello again my friend!! I actually got this idea stuck in my head that this is the same couple as the previous Marcus drabble I did for you. Almost like a prologue 😂 Hope you like it!!

***** You cry out Marcus’s name as you come around his cock again, your mouth falling open and your toes curling with pleasure. You have your legs wrapped around his narrow hips, your arms around his neck, clinging to him as he moves with tortuously slow thrusts. 

Your entire body feels heated as you tremble and feel the way he starts to twitch inside of you, signaling that he’s getting close. 

“Doing so good, sweetheart,” he whispers into your ear as he pumps himself deeper. “‘M close.” 

You nod, holding him tighter as you rub your cheek against his, savoring the stubble there. 

He whimpers as he spills into you and bites your lip, which makes you yelp even as you arch your back for more. Your eyes roll to the back of your head. He feels so fucking good today. Well, he always feels good, but there’s something else today. Warm and smooth Almost like—

“Marcus!” You practically yell his name as you start to push on him, and he seems to realize at the same time that you do, because he’s quickly scrambling off. You both know that it’s too late for that, though. 

You both look down at his wet cock, at the broken condom covering it. Your eyes are wide when you look back up at his face. He can see you starting to worry, starting to overthink, and springs into action. He kneels toward you and gently takes your chin in his hands. 

“Hey, baby, look at me,” he requests carefully. He only continues once you do, your eyes starting to water. 

“Please don’t worry, honey,” he tells you softly, brows furrowed as he gives you some of the best puppy eyes you’ve ever seen. “I’m going to go out right now and get you a plan B, okay? It’s going to be—” 

He stops talking as you begin to shake your head, a smile spreading on your lips. “Don’t,” you say. “I think I’m ready. I know how badly you want this, and I can’t imagine not having children with you, Marcus. I want to try.” 

He watches you in shock for a moment, not quite believing what you’re telling him. It’s only once you open your mouth to ask him if that’s what he still wants, that he starts to smile too. He surges forward and takes your lips in a kiss as tears well up in his eyes. He pushes you gently, getting you to lay on your back as you’d been just minutes ago. 

You’re suddenly overwhelmed with joy, love, and excitement. You have a feeling the two of you won’t be leaving this bed for a while.

****

Read more drabbles here!

[lovelybucky1]

Okay but like deep thristing ani hard and he has bush-

okay i dont really know what you meant by this but i’ll write about his bush

he trims it but not regularly so it’s usually a bit overgrown. he doesn’t pay much attention to it and only really takes care of it when it gets too long and unruly. he likes to press your nose into it when you go down on him, forcing you to take in the scent of him.

inbox is open for thirsts!

[tiny-elf-of-doom]

✨My Mother’s Reaction to Vox Machina Characters✨

First impressions, she’s never seen the show or any campaigns. Woman is very blunt and holds nothing back. Like for more "my mom reacts to..."

Me: this is Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III.

Mom: how the hell does he remember his name? He’s gray…

Me: WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE'S GRAY?

Me: this is Scanlan. He’s a gnome and his power comes from music. He’s about knee height for me.

Mom: oh my god… why is this happening?

Me: *proceeds to show her the brothel quote scene*

Me: this is the prettiest one, in my opinion, Vax’ildan. Our handsome half elf.

Mom: he looks so serious. He's a pretty Spock.

Me: this is his sister, Vex’ahlia.

Mom: she looks like a badass. I don't like her outfit, though.

Me: what's wrong with her outfit?

Mom: I don't like green.

Me: where the fuck are you seeing green?

Me: this is one of my favorites, Grog, the Goliath Barbarian. Mom: he looks like a big teddy bear. Me: he is! *proceeds to show her the sandwich scene*

Me: this is Pike. She's a cleric and about the same height as Scanlan. Mom: she's a cutie. Very strange expression.

Me: you pick up on the weirdest shit.

Mom: *shrugs nonchalantly*

Me: finally, this is Keyleth. Mom: she's got pretty green eyes! Very cute! *falls in love with Keyleth based on how sweet she looks*

Me: I knew you'd like her.