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loserslibrary · 4 years

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pairing: Richie Tozier/Eddie Kaspbrak [Reddie] written by: Amy rating: Teen word count: 2,864 prompt: How about a reddie fic where they’re broken up and get back together

Eddie stepped out of the subway, his eyes trained on the schedule in his hands that he had received that morning. After a lot of change and moving around, Eddie had finally made the move from Maine to New York, intending to finish his college degree in a place far away from his overbearing mother. When he had decided to change schools, there had been a fight of course with his mother claiming that he didn’t love her anymore, and that he was leaving her all alone to die.

For his whole life, his mother had used that excuse with him, guilt tripped him into always staying with her because he felt obligated to. She was his mother, after all, so he shouldn’t want to leave her alone...right? She had taken care of him when he was sick as a child, always reminding him to take his medicine so his allergies didn’t get worse. He believed her for years, always carrying his inhaler with him for his asthma as well as a watch attached to his wrist that beeped when he was due to take a pill. It wasn’t until she started to control who he spent his time with that Eddie started to become wary.

Sometimes, Eddie would deliberately forget to take his pills, just to see if there was any difference, and once when his teacher brought in some fresh flowers, he had walked up to them to take a whiff, just to see if his allergies kicked in. Both times, nothing happened, but Eddie didn’t want to question his mother as she was his mother, and mothers were meant to take care of their children, not lie to them about being sick.

Then, when Eddie was fourteen, he had stopped at the pharmacy to pick up his prescription and the pharmacist’s daughter, Greta, informed him that the pills were nothing but placebos. Sugar and water. After that, Eddie started to question all of the illness’ his mother claimed that he had. Did he even have allergies? Did he even need the inhaler?

It was a long, aggravating process, but eventually Eddie managed to get it out of his mother that he wasn’t actually sick, and that she just wanted to protect him by making him think he was weak and sickly. What followed were four years of high school filled with anger, animosity and a lot of tears. Especially when he came out as gay a few weeks after his sixteenth birthday and annouced that he was dating none other than Richie Tozier.

God, his mother hated Richie. Not just for being Eddie’s boyfriend, no, she had always hated him, ever since they were little kids and he would run around getting dirty and splashing in all the puddles. She had turned her nose up, reaching for five year old Eddie’s hand, but it was too late as he had already rushed off to join him. Since it was cold, wet and windy, Eddie had ended up in bed with a cold for a week, but it had been the best hour of fun he had ever had, and since then, he and Richie were inseparable.

At the thought of Richie, Eddie came to a stop, stepping to the side so he didn’t get into anyone’s way, his heart clenching in his chest as his throat closed up. He had spent the past two years trying not to think about Richie, as all it did was make him cry hysterically and cry into his pillow. The thing was, Eddie’s mother had nothing to do with Eddie’s break-up with Richie, at least...not completely.

When senior year had come around, Richie as well as the rest of the losers began to plan for colleges, applying to all the different places that would get them the hell out of Derry. Bill was even going to London for a year to study as part of a special literature honours programme. Eddie, though, was to remain in Maine, as his mother refused to pay for him to attend any other colleges, and he didn’t qualify for any scholarships. Richie, on the other hand, had been accepted into a college in New York City that would specialise in drama and entertainment.

They had spent the entire summer together, practically attached at the hip and even his mother couldn’t say anything about it. She was getting rid of Richie after all, so she had no right to say anything about how they spent the rest of their time together. When the last week rolled around, Eddie sat in Richie’s now bare empty room and they had cried together, making the adult decision that it would be too messy to do long distance, and they wouldn’t want to risk ruining their friendship.

That had been that, the next week Richie was gone and Eddie was the only one of the Losers Club left in Derry. The days that he had classes, Eddie treasured as it was time out of the house and away from his mother. Yet, even when she knew he was at class, she would call non stop. Once, when he was in the middle of an exam and had told her so, the police had to interrupt them as she had called the police to say he was missing. He had never been so embarrassed over something in his entire life.

It was after that specific ordeal, that Eddie made the decision that it was time to leave, and from under her nose he had applied for a transfer to a college in New York that offered his course in medicine and would accept him the following year in their classes. He was accepted almost immediately, and what followed was a quick search for a dorm room as well as packing up without his mother catching on. He had made it up to the week he was meant to leave when she figured it out, causing the biggest argument to date, but there was nothing she could do. He had been given access to the college fund his father had kept for him as well as some extra. Without looking back, Eddie left his mother alone in his childhood home and was on the next train to New York City.

Now here Eddie was, making his way onto the campus to meet with his professors and have a short induction into the course. He had been in touch with them via email, and completed all the same summer work the other students in his class had been given, but they wanted to meet him in person just before the new year began. He had been so focused on not getting lost, that Eddie wasn’t even paying attention to where he was going, and therefore didn’t see the person in front of them until he collided right into them.

“Shit!” Eddie gasped, dropping the bag he was carrying as the stranger he had bumped into reached out and held onto him. “I am so sorry! I wasn’t looking where I was going.” He looked up to face the person who he had almost knocked to the ground, when his heart leapt out of his chest and slammed against the concrete. There was no mistaking the man in front of him for anyone else, yet Eddie wondered what twist of fate this was, for out of everyone that Eddie could have bumped into, it ended up being Richie Tozier.

Richie hadn’t met Eddie’s eyes yet, and time seemed to turn into slow motion as he raised his head, words forming on his lips, “No no it’s okay-” their eyes met and Richie’s jaw dropped a little. “Eds?” His eyes widened to the size of saucers, pupils dancing around as he scanned Eddie’s face. “Oh my god, Eddie!”

Before Eddie could even blink, he was being pulled into a hug, his face trapped in Richie’s jacket. He inhaled, senses being filled with the familiar scent of his ex-boyfriend, and the tears filled his eyes within seconds. He wrapped his arms around Richie’s waist, holding onto him so tight that he didn’t want to let go. He was too scared that if he did, Richie would just vanish and Eddie would wake up back in Derry, still under the control of his mother.

Yet, that didn’t happen, and Richie pulled away after a few moments, his own eyes filled with tears. He lifted a hand, which Eddie noticed the nails were painted the colours of the rainbow, and wiped them away, unable to stop smiling. Eddie felt as though his face was just the same, his mouth hurting from the smiling. It had been such a long time since he’d seen Richie in person. Of course, they had kept in touch the first few months, but then their schedules got busy and it turned to a few text conversations every few weeks. It was surreal. “I- oh my god...it’s really you…”

“It’s really me!” Richie nodded his head, his hands lingering on Eddie’s arm where it had held on to steady him. “What- what are you doing here? I thought you went to college in Maine?” he asked, biting his lip. Eddie took that chance to scan over Richie’s features. He was a little taller than the last time they’d seen each other, and his hair had grown out, which was now messily tied back into a bun at the top of his head, waves and curls sprouting out at all angles.

Eddie bit down on his own lip, trying to steady the rapid beating of his heart. “I- I transferred. I finally got fed up with my mom and her bullshit and I just left…” he shrugged a little, looking from side to side. “I got accepted to transfer into a course here, and they were happy to have me so I accepted and moved. Stressful but I hope it’ll be worth it.”

Richie’s eyes were shining at this point and he bounced on the balls of his feet, “So...you’re here? Like permanently?” he asked and Eddie nodded his head. “That- fuck...that’s amazing. Uh, shit.” Richie was right back to grinning now. “Uh, are you...are you seeing anyone?”

Eddie’s mouth went a little dry at that and he slowly shook his head, fluttering his eyelashes. “No- No I’m not seeing anyone. I haven’t since- since-”

“Me neither,” Richie confirmed, moving the hand that was settled on his arm moved down to take Eddie’s hand in his, squeezing tightly. Sparks shot up Eddie’s arm and a flush took over his face. It was almost like they were never apart, falling back into their old, almost perfect relationship. Richie hadn’t been with anyone else and neither had Eddie. It was almost like they were just... waiting for the other. “Do you have plans for tonight?” Richie asked, eyes glinting with hope.

Slowly, with a smile, Eddie shook his head. “No, none at all. Why?” he asked, even though he knew where Richie was going with his question. “You want to change that?”

“Definitely,” Richie nodded. “I have to go to an appointment right now, but I’ll text you right after and we can meet up when you're done? Spend the rest of the night together? How does that sound?” he asked and Eddie couldn’t nod his head fast enough.

“Yes, yes that...that sounds perfect.” Eddie agreed, glancing at the large clock tower that displayed the time. “I- I need to go, I don’t want to be late…” He really didn’t, but he also didn’t want to let go of Richie.

Richie smiled, warm and soft, before lifting Eddie’s hand to his lips and pressing a gentle kiss to the skin. “Until later then?” He breathed before letting go, taking a step back.

Eddie nodded, “Yeah...until later.”

* * * * *

That night, Eddie spent way too long getting ready for his date with Richie, at least he hoped it was a date. Seeing Richie again after so long had just reignited all those feelings he had buried deep down in his chest. He was grinning like a teenager as he put the final touches to his hair.

When he was ready, he messaged Richie to let him know he was ready and within seconds, Richie was sending him an address to meet him. Eddie wasted no time rushing from his dorm and onto the bus that would take him to the restaurant where Richie asked him to meet. True to his word, Richie was standing outside, flicking on his phone and looking just as handsome as always.

“Hey…” Eddie breathed, walking up to Richie, stopping just a few metres away from him. Richie looked up, his eyes brightening as they landed on Eddie. His stomach flipped. “Hope you haven’t been waiting long?”

Richie pushed off the wall and closed the distance between them, wrapping his arm around Eddie’s waist and pulling them closer together so their chests were touching. “Eds, I’d wait forever for you,” he whispered. He brought a hand up and pushed some of his hair behind his ear. “God, it is possible for you to be even more beautiful now than you were this morning?”

Eddie’s cheeks flushed and he leaned a little closer, “Are you always this much of a flirt?” He whispered back and Richie broke into a large grin.

“Only when it comes to you, Eddie baby,” Richie shot back before taking a step back. “Shall we? I got us a table last minute, the food here is amazing, a perfect place to try for your first night in New York.” He winked, leading Eddie into the restaurant. His eyes widened as they were led over to the table set up for them, handing them a menu. “Get anything you want okay? It’s on me.”

“Are you sure?” Eddie asked, sitting opposite Richie and immediately, their ankles hooked together under the table. It was like they had never been apart, immediately falling into their old routine and Eddie just hoped that the evening would end with another date. He wanted nothing more than to rekindle his relationship with Richie. He was still very much in love with him.

Richie nodded his head, “I mean it, Eds. Anything you want.” He winked. “Yet, may I recommend you get the carbonara though? It is the shit.”

The waiter came by and took their order, with Eddie following Richie’s advice and ordering the carbonara. Just like Richie had said, it really was the shit and Eddie found himself dragging it out so he could savour the meal more. “Holy shit, this is the best carbonara I have ever had in my life. I don’t want it to end.”

“What did I tell you, sweetheart? You deserve to have your first dinner in New York be one to remember,” he lifted his glass and clinked it against Eddie’s glass. “I don’t want this night to end yet...take a walk with me?”

There was no way that Eddie was going to turn Richie down. He nodded his head and Richie paid the bill, taking Eddie’s hand as they left the restaurant and walked across the street to the park. They walked in silence for a while, fingers brushing until Eddie couldn’t take it anymore and laced their fingers together. “I can’t believe out of all the people I bump into today, it was the one person I really wanted to bump into.”

Just then, Richie stopped and Eddie stumbled a little, falling back into line with Richie. Eddie looked up at him with a little confusion. Once again, just like he did at the beginning of the night, Richie wrapped his arm around Eddie’s waist to pull him closer, “Eds...fuck I missed you so much. I’ve never stopped thinking about you and...and now you’re here I don’t think I can let you go.”

“Then don’t,” Eddie breathed, his whole body feeling as though it was on fire. He barely managed to suck in a breath before Richie was burying his free hand into Eddie’s hair and pulling him into a kiss that made his toes curl up in his shoes. He kissed Richie back as though he was a starved man. When they pulled away, Richie was grinning and Eddie was grinning. “W-wow.”

Richie pressed a kiss to Eddie’s forehead and squeezed Eddie’s hands. “I know that this is...soon and all but my feelings for you never went away and they never will. Feel free to say no but...would you be interested in being my boyfriend again?”

“Richie...my feelings for you never went away either, and they never will. This- this was fate, us meeting again.” Eddie let out a breath. “I definitely want to be your boyfriend, there was never another answer in my mind. Yes, yes yes!”

With a grin, Richie picked Eddie up, spinning him around and sealing the deal with a kiss. “God, I missed you so much,” he breathed as he sat Eddie back onto the ground. “Want to catch a movie?”

Eddie laughed and nodded his head, “I would love to.”

#reddie #reddie fic #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #ours #by amy #alternate universe #getting together

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almondmilkygay · 5 years

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Eddie & Richie’s Big Mistake.

Eddie had been patient throughout his life. He had been calm, secluded and isolated - yet he remained optimistic. It was only after the 'Gazebo Incident' as he referred to it as, that he began to lose his - dare I say, shit? Eddie had learnt that his whole life, every phobia and every fear - had been built upon a lie, on bullshit. Through the wise words of Richard Trashmouth Tozier; did Eddie make a grave, forever mistake.

"Come on, Kaspbrak!" Richie was urging him, "Live a little!"

"Like you're such a bad boy, dickwad," Eddie replied, calmly flicking through a comic as he lazed on Richie's bed. Richie's heart was fluttering but he pushed the butterflies down his gut.

"Okay, okay," Richie breathed out, "Compromise?"

"What do you propose, Trashmouth?"

"I'll stop being a dickhead-"

"-Oh praise the lords,"

"If you do something stupid," Richie finished, giving Eddie a subtle glare as he interrupted.

"What's something stupid?"

Richie had to fight the urge to say,

'I'm stupid, do me,'

And his breathing heaved as he did so.

"Look around you, Spaghetti. What do you see?"

"An asshole, his room and an X-Men Comic?"

"No no no, Spaghetti," Richie chuckled, "An empty house, and a full alcohol cupboard,"

"Richard Wentworth Tozier, you do not propose..?"

"I do indeed, Eddie Spaghetti Kaspbrak,"

Eddie pondered on his options for a moment. Have Trashmouth continue to bug you, or get flat out wasted and end up making out with him? He chuckled at the last thought, and decided on the best.

"Fine," He said finally. Richie jumped to his feet, clapping his hands like a fucking cheerleader. He linked his arm smoothly with Eddie's, before physically dragging the petite boy out to the kitchen.

"Close your eyes, Ed's,"

"You're gonna fuckin' kill me,"

"No, makin' you a special concoction," Richie explained, placing a comforting hand on Eddie's knee. This sent Eddie haywire, but he managed to hold himself together on a thin, thin thread. Richie didn't have the faintest clue of how to concoct a drink, as Eddie said - he wasn't exactly a bad boy. But he did his best. After filling a cup with some guava punch, he emptied the dregs of a Vodka bottle into the small red cup, and gently put it between Eddie's small hands. Their hands touched for a moment, before Richie's jerked his away violently.

"Shit, Rich!"

"Drink up, Spaghetti,"

Eddie did so, taking a small sip at first - wincing, before downing the rest. Richie watched in awe.

"What the fuck is this?"

"Pure fuel, as the bad bitches would say," Richie chuckled, "Want another?"

"Oh god no," Eddie laughed, too, "Got anything better.. stronger?"

"Shit.."

"Just washin' down the demons," Eddie laughed, relieving the tension. Richie nodded, falling to his knees to rummage through the cupboard as Eddie sat, his legs swinging - on the island in the middle of the kitchen. Richie stood, a bottle of whiskey in his hand.

"Rich.."

"Please..?"

And that is where shit went downhill. The last thing Eddie remembered from that night was Richie's stupid, beautiful face - pleading him to drink more, and live a little.

Eddie woke with a splitting headache, meanwhile the rest of his body was numb.

"Fuck.." He groaned, slowly rising to his feet. As he did, he felt a brain piercing pain on his waist.

"Mother fucker.." He continued droning, standing up and walking to the wardrobe mirror opposite his room. Eddie swung his shirt off of his small torso. No bruises, no cuts, no nothing. Maybe this whole alcohol thing wasn't too bad after all.

A small something poked out from Eddie's shorts. He peeled them away, clenching with pain to reveal - a fucking tattoo?

"Oh fucking fuck no," Eddie said as his eyes widened. He took a closer look towards it. As he continued observing the small inkling on his waist, the door slammed open and a disgruntled Richie stood in front of him. Richie eyes widened as he turned a violent shade of crimson.

"Richard, what the fuck is this?" Eddie said loudly, clearly - turning to Richie as he did and showing him the tattoo. Richie took a cautious step forward, peering at it as he did. He had to muffle a laugh as he realised what it said.

"What, what the fuck does it say?" Eddie said, jumping backwards as Richie tried to pry Eddie closer.

"You don't want to know.."

"I really fucking do,"

"Really?"

Eddie nodded as Richie grinned from ear to ear.

"It says, and I quote 'Richie Tozier's Bitch'," Richie said, sitting cross legged on the floor.

"You're pulling my leg,"

"Dead serious, swear on Stan,"

"Fuck.."

"We're meeting The Losers at The Quarry in twenty,"

"Fuck!"

"Just cover her up," Richie assured him gently, "How the hell did we even get it?"

"We're eighteen, dickhead. It's Derry. You think anyone cares?"

"True.." Richie looked Eddie up and down, "I'll leave you to uh - get dressed?"

And with that, Richie left the room in the blink of an eye. Despite the chaos, Eddie found himself chuckling. He pulled on some clean shorts gently, wincing slightly - chucked on a new shirt and met Richie in the living room.

"You okay, Eddie?" Richie asked gently. Eddie nodded, smiled - and put his hand in Richie's. The two headed to The Quarry. Everything there seemed normal. As the two approached the rest of The Losers Club, their hands fell - which both were painfully aware of.

"What did you two get up to last night?" Beverly asked slyly. Richie's eyes widened as Eddie glared at her.

"Nothing, Ringwald," Richie huffed, pulling his shirt off quickly, "I'm jumping, anyone care to join?"

Eddie jumped to his feet.

"Please," He said simply, pulling of his own shirt. The tattoo was now out in the open, for every Loser to observe besides Richie and Eddie. The two jumped in, leaving Bev red faced and bursting into an eruption of laughter.

"Fucking - Bev?" Ben spluttered, as Bev fell into his arms.

"He's Richie Tozier's fucking b-bitch!" She spat.

"E-Excuse me?" Bill asked quietly as Stan watched inquisitively. Mike's eyes widened as he listened in, and he scooched closer to the group.

"Eddie has a fucking tattoo,"

"You're pulling my leg," Stan said seriously.

"I swear on Stan," Bev said, placing her hand to her heart.

"We'll see," Mike said, standing to his feet and pulling his shirt off, "Come on,"

They followed, jumping into the water with an astonishing splash. And sure enough, there it was. The tattoo. Richie Tozier's bitch. Not only did it signify that, however. Eddie was free. Free from his mother's grasp. Free from every placebo that had ever entered his life. Now he just had to figure out what the hell to do about the tattoo. The tattoo never faded, unlike the memories of Derry, Maine in all of The Losers' heads. Only upon returning, and having dinner at The Jade - did the memories come flooding back. The tattoo, came last - and definitely not least.

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curtishoney · 5 years

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lover not loser

notes: started with one idea and ended up writing an almost entirely different fic oops. I love my Eddie Spaghetti so much, he is too adorable for this world. this fic can be interpreted as platonic or romantic and is gender neutral (neither was purposeful, but came out that way so I’m just gonna roll with it) also had no idea how to title this um

warning: a couple of no no words but it’s It so what do ya expect?

“Here for the refills, Eddie?” asked Mr. Keene as he watched the boy walk through the aisle.

Eddie could only see his head since the rest of his body was covered by a shelf filled with bottles and other things.

Eddie rested his arm on the glass countertop. “Yeah.” He watched as Mr. Keene disappeared out of sight.

Greta glanced up from her magazine. “You know it’s all bullshit, right?”

“What is?”

“Your medication. They’re placebos.”

“What does placebo mean?”

“Placebo means bullshit.”

Eddie looked down at his cast, contemplating her words.

“No friends, huh?” she said. “Your cast. No signatures or anything? So sad.”

“I didn’t want it to get dirty.”

“I’ll sign it for ya.”

The door to Keenes swung open and Eddie ran out. A frown etched on his face.

Concerned, you tilted your head to the side. “Hey, Eddie. You okay?”

He looked at you before glancing at his arm cast. The word ‘LOSER’ was written on it in black ink. “Uh, yeah. I’m fine.”

Looking at his cast and then to the storefront, you realized what happened. Greta. He hid his arm behind his back in embarrassment. Then a thought came to you. You grabbed Eddie’s hand and began to lead him down the street. “Come on, I’ve got an idea.”

Eddie glanced at your connected hands and blushed. “I don’t know, Y/N. My mom will be worried if I’m gone for too long.”

“I’m sure Mrs. Kaspbrak will be fine. It’ll only be like fifteen minutes.”

He gave in after a little more convincing, even though you were already more than halfway there. You unlocked your front door and headed inside. “Mom, I’m home! And I brought a friend.”

“Alright, dear. I’ll be going to the grocery store in a few minutes, so if you need anything, let me know,” your mom answered.

“I don’t, but thanks.”

He wished his own mom would ask him if he wanted or needed anything from time to time. His mother only told him what he needed, such as a new medication he should be on.

Eddie followed you upstairs to your room. The walls were the color of his cast. Minus what Greta had written of course. Many colorful polaroids were placed on one of the walls in rows. You shut the door behind you and started searching for your paint. After a few minutes of silence, and Eddie standing in the middle of your room awkwardly, you found what you were looking for.

Grabbing a thin paintbrush from a container on the table, you dipped it in the red liquid. You motioned at Eddie to sit in the chair in front of you. “Lay your cast on my desk.”

He did as instructed and watched as you carefully painted over the letter ‘S’. Eddie realized what you were writing, a small smile forming on his face.

Once you finished, you set the brush down. “All done.”

His cast now said ‘LOVER’ instead of ‘LOSER’. He looked at you and gave you a shy smile. “Thank you.”

“No problem, you don’t deserve Greta’s torment. None of your friends do. It’s all stupid, really. People like Greta and Henry are probably gonna end up spending the rest of their lives in Derry. And you guys will actually get out of this shitty town and do something great.”

“You really think that?”

You grinned. “Of course.”

He returned your grin before pressing his lips together in thought. “And um, Y/N?”

“Hm?”

“What are gazebos?”

#eddie kaspbrak x reader #eddie kaspbrak imagine #eddie kaspbrak x you #eddie kaspbrak #it (film)#it (2017)

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writeyourownlifestory · 4 years

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Sucker Punched

Chapters: 1/9 Fandom: IT Rating: M Warnings: Mention of past child // psychological abuse, Fight Club!au Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Beverly Marsh/Ben Hanscom Additional Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Friendship, learning to love yourself

By the time Eddie was 13, he was allergic to peanuts, tree nuts, and several cooking oils. By 15, he had never swum in gym class and never went to a friend’s birthday party or had one of his own. By 16, Eddie knew that he liked looking at boys rather than looking at girls, though that didn’t seem to matter at the time. By 18, he had graduated high school and that was the end of his social life. And by 21, Eddie’s life had been torn to pieces.

He was a victim of Munchausen syndrome by proxy and now left without a mother, without a home, and without a clue. On top of being told he should go to group therapy, his caseworker had also suggested doing something to blow off some steam. Join a book club or go to the gym. Or maybe join a need-to-know based fight club. Either or.

Tag list: @richietoaster, @beproudtozier, @that-weird-girls-blog, @s-onora

Dee Dee Blanchard was dead. She had been stabbed repeatedly by her daughter's boyfriend while she slept in her bed. Her daughter, Gypsy Rose, who was wheelchair-bound with many ailments, was believed to have been kidnapped by the killer. Later, it was found out that not only Gypse Rose been the mastermind in her mother's murder, but wasn’t sick after all.

She was a victim of Munchausen syndrome by proxy. In layman’s terms, it means the person taking care of you pretends that you’re sick to continue taking care of you. For some, like Gypsy Rose, it’s being told that you suffer from leukemia and other forms of the body affecting illnesses.

For Eddie, it was being told that the world wanted him dead.

For as long as he could remember he had been sick. His earliest memories had been visiting the hospital where his father would eventually die from lung cancer, only to wind up there himself with a case of acute bronchitis. He survived it, thanks to the help of modern medicine.

That was the last time Eddie remembered being sick.

The issue was, that wasn’t the last time he had been told he was sick. From the moment he came back from the hospital, everything just seemed to get worse. His allergies had picked up, and it seemed like almost every other weekend he was feeling off.

His mother had tried her best to help him. They made weekly trips to the doctors and had become regulars with the pharmacy. Eddie didn’t go out much, because the pollen in the air made him have a horrible reaction and on the rare chance he did go out and he scraped his knee or elbow, the bleeding never seemed to stop.

Soon enough, he just stopped going out altogether. He went to school and back, though that rarely lasted as he was homesick half the time. He would have tutors come to the house to keep his grades up, but he missed being around the other kids, missed having someone other than his mom to talk to.

Sonia had suggested homeschooling, but the doctor refused. Even with his sickness, he needed to be around other children, other people. His mother agreed, but only if he followed her rules. He couldn’t join any clubs or sports, because if something had happened if he had gotten sick or worse, they wouldn’t know what to do.

He carried his inhaler and assortment of pills around in a fanny pack because it was easier than shoving them into his backpack. He needed them on hand 24/7 after all.

By the time Eddie was 13, he was allergic to peanuts, tree nuts, and several cooking oils. He couldn’t eat any blue dyes or anything with artificial sugars. He was on a gluten-free diet and used only antibacterial soaps and lotions. Perfumes gave him rashes and direct sunlight had an almost narcoleptic effect on him. He had asthma and panic attacks.

By the age of 15, he had never eaten a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. He had never swum in gym class and never went to a friend’s birthday party or had one of his own. He never had any friends to call his own. The closest thing he had to one had been Greta Keene, as her father owned the pharmacy that he and his mother frequented.

Over time, Eddie realized that Greta was nothing but a heartless bitch who picked on others because she couldn’t deal with the fact that her father was a perv who checked out her friends when he thought she wasn’t looking. But during childhood, they had sat together as they waited for the prescriptions to be filled. Sometimes she would be looking through a magazine and she’d be nice enough to let Eddie look through it with her.

He couldn’t touch it thanks to the ever-so-worrisome possibility of a paper cut, but he would look over her shoulder and gaze at the pictures of the different celebrities and whatever products the magazine was trying to sell.

By the age of 16, Eddie knew that he liked looking at boys rather than looking at girls, though that didn’t seem to matter at the time. For a very long time, he thought he didn’t like either. He would watch people kiss on the television during a movie with his mom and he’d get uncomfortable with the idea of having someone touch him so closely and swapping spit so carelessly.

It wasn’t long before his teenage mind began to drift off. The screen time he was given was very limited, but he found his mother was something of a thick sleeper and using incognito mode was a good combination for being able to see the world for what it was outside of the bubble his mother had made for him.

He didn’t have any social media accounts, but he was able to see everybody else’s. People from school, random strangers who had interesting lives. He scrolled and scrolled, trying his best to imagine what it would be like to be an everyday kid out in the world.

Would he have been good at skateboarding? Would he have been a gamer? Would he have been invited to sweet-16’s and would he have eventually fallen in love with a girl from school? Would he have gotten excited by making out with her after the school dance? Would he have held her hand in the hallway as they walked to class?

Eddie didn’t think the girl part would ever come about, though he did find it rather fascinating how beautiful some boys would be. He never thought of himself much. He knew, in retrospect, he had nice cheekbones and a fit frame. He had boyish looks that remained graceful even as he went through puberty. His mother kept his hair at a nice length and he styled it well enough.

His clothing was something to be desired. Shorts that remained rough his tights and polo shirts with the collar always pressed. He wasn’t a boy scout, but he had the look of one. He tried not to think about wanting to change it up. Wearing clothing that clung to him or styling his hair differently.

He would see some boys online that just looked completely in their element and he would find himself angry that he couldn’t do the same and had very little chance to do anything about it. He would see boys kissing other boys and think about how his mother had brought home a pamphlet from the church about how same-sex relationships and ‘equality’ were wrong for the world. He didn’t understand why.

Kissing was meant to bring joy to people. Love was meant to bring happiness. How could any of that be so wrong? Sometimes he would want to argue with her, but he never allowed himself to do such a thing, not after his mother had put so much time and effort into taking care of him.

He swallowed that anger down, letting it a bubble and fester inside of him as he carried out his day to day life.

By the age of 18, he had graduated high school and that was the end of his social life. He would go out to the doctor or pharmacy, but that was that. No going out to get take out or to see a movie. His bedroom had become his sanctuary. His home had become his prison.

By the age of 21, Eddie’s life had been torn to pieces.

Good old Dr. Keene had finally snapped after years of pent up frustration. Nobody knew what caused it. Perhaps it was from the endless repetition of filling the same prescriptions for the same people every single day. Or maybe it was the guilt of being attracted to young girls that pushed him over the edge.

One second he was working on a puzzle, trying to collect all the edges and then in the next, he was watching his mother be escorted in a police car.

It seemed that Keene finally had enough with Mrs. Kapsbrak’s bullshit and let the authorities know that she and her doctor had been lying about Eddie’s illnesses.

He wasn’t allergic to any nuts, or dyes, or perfumes. His inhaler was filled with water and the pills were just placebos.

They had lied about everything.

Sonia tried to defend her actions, saying that Eddie was, in fact, sick and she just took extra precautions to keep him alive. The doctor, on the other hand, admitted that he was dirt and had been accepting payment for assigning Sonia in her beliefs. He wrote up the scripts for the sugar pills, writing off blase excuses for why Eddie felt the way he did.

The doctor was arrested for malpractice and Sonia had been taken into custody for abuse and after a bit of time, they found her guilty of being a proxy to Munchausen syndrome. She was sent to jail for ten years with the possibility of release in three years given good behavior. A restraining order had been placed to keep her away from her son. And Eddie was forced to leave the only home he had ever known and been placed into the foster system.

Though he was over the legal age and classified as an adult, the lawyer the state had given him fought that, due to his mother’s influence, he shouldn’t have been thrown out onto the street. They wanted to fight that he wasn’t fully developed, at least not mentally, and needed proper assistance.

It seemed like almost overnight Eddie’s life had changed. He packed up the few belongings that he wanted to bring with him and went off to a few towns over to where his new home waited.

It was there that he had learned about what Gypse Rose and her boyfriend had done. And that bubbling pit of anger inside him began to simmer as he thought of whether or not he would have done the same.

When he found out the truth, he didn’t know what to feel. He threw up a couple of times and begged the police to give him his medication. When they refused, sending in a doctor to explain the situation, he began to go through withdrawals.

It took a good few days for Eddie to finally begin to feel normal. For the headaches to go away. For the aches in his chest to finally settle down.

His new home was decent enough. It was a decent-sized house, filled with just a woman and her son. They hadn’t been strangers, at least not completely. It seemed Mr. Hanscom was his father’s cousin and had been best friends with him all those years ago. He also turned out to be Eddie’s Godfather and legal guardian if anything were to happen to either of his parents. After his father passed away and he had gotten sick, Sonia refused to let anybody see Eddie and all contact with the family was cut off.

Mrs. Hanscom and her son Ben had been very open to why they decided to take him in. Mr. Hanscom cared deeply for his cousin and was heartbroken when he passed. They had tried to fight Sonia on letting them see Eddie, but Mr. Hanscom died before they could take it to court. Mrs. Hanscom had always attempted to make contact and repeatedly sent birthday cards and letters to him, but they were always sent back.

After he had died, Mrs. Hanscom went through some tough times and had to move in with her sister. It wasn’t ideal, especially for Ben who had been dealing with a few issues of his own like bullying, but they worked hard so they could afford a place of their own.

First was an apartment just big enough for themselves and eventually, a home that could have an extra person. At first, Mrs. Hanscom had suggested they would bring in someone who could pay rent, but they later decided to welcome in someone who needed a place to go just as they had years prior.

And then the news broke out about what Sonia had been doing to him and they jumped at the chance to help him. They didn’t want Eddie to look at it as a handout or a fostering situation. He was free to stay for as long as he liked, glad to have a little piece of his father back in their lives.

Eddie did everything he could to be anything but a challenge for them. The situation was strange on all of them and the last thing Eddie wanted was to be a bother. He tried to work around his allergies, only to be reminded that they didn’t exist.

He could eat gluten. He could have peanuts. He could eat things cooked in certain oil and have those sugary cereals.

Not that the Hanscom house was filled with any of that stuff. Ben had admitted to him that he spent a lot of his time eating his feelings when he was a kid, earning him some interesting nicknames along the way due to constantly being bullied for his weight.

He slimmed down in high school, having joined the track team in hopes of gaining some popularity and shaking off the weight. It worked and he was now out of school, feeling healthy and looking good.

He was attending the University of Maine for architecture, deciding to stay home with his mom since the school was less than twenty minutes from their town.

Eddie, upon finishing high school, decided not to go to college.

Well, his mother had chosen that. Now she was gone and he didn’t have any money to go and his grades weren’t good enough to warrant a scholarship. So he was forced to carry on like the rest of the losers in his school and remain in Maine forever.

Ben had been nice and got him a job at the grocery store in town with him. He had never gotten a job before and he was hesitant at first. He didn’t want to be a disappointment, but Mrs. Hanscom insisted that there was no way Eddie could be a failure at stocking shelves and bagging eggs for little old ladies.

Another thing they had done for him was to help set up a support group. The caseworker had it very clear that Eddie would have some mental issues after what he had gone through. They suggested having him go to a therapist, but Ben thought it would be more helpful for him to be around other people dealing with similar situations.

It just so happened that Ben had a friend who went to a group and they were able to squeeze him into it.

That’s how he met Beverly Marsh.

She was a friendly girl who had been through hell and back and welcomed Eddie in with open arms. He hadn’t been too keen on going, simply because he didn’t want to bother anybody with his problems.

It was just as they played it out on TV. They all sat around in a circle, introducing themselves to him and talking about their issues. The man running it offered one-on-one care if needed, though Eddie promised he would try out the sitting circle before branching out for personal help.

“It’s okay to be shy,” Beverly had mentioned as they walked out of the meeting. Eddie hadn’t spoken much, only when someone asked him a question, but even then he didn’t give more than a few answers. “Nobody likes to brag about the shit they’ve been through and if they do, then they’re worse off than the rest of us.”

“I just don’t think it’s worth anybody's time.” Eddie had mentioned, shoving his hands into his pockets as they walked down the street. “My mom was crazy. I don’t know what else to say about it.”

It was clear she had her issues to deal with. Eddie didn’t want to ask her why she did what she did because he already knew. She loved him and wanted to protect him, even if it meant doing unspeakable things.

Eddie knew people had it worse off. People like Bill, who dealt with a stutter because his mom knocked him down the stairs and had become neglectful since his little brother’s death, something that Bill himself still blamed himself for. Or Henry Bowers, who suffered mental abuse from the hands of his policeman father had turned himself into an abuser himself before finally being forced to seek help.

Or Beverly, who had been open to Eddie about why she was at the place, to begin with. During their first meeting, she said she had been abused by her father but didn’t go into detail. It wasn’t until they were alone when she confided in Eddie just how it had been.

The way he would treat her and touch her. The shit Keene used to do, leering at girls and making sly comments, couldn’t hold a candle to the horrific things Beverly had gone through at the hands of her father.

It was shit like that that made Eddie feel like he didn’t belong in the group, to begin with. All those people needed help because of the bad shit they had gone through. Eddie’s mother loved him, enough to want to protect him from the world. How could he complain about that? How could he compare himself to the likes of Beverly and Bowers?

Eddie felt more like a burden than he had before, but he swallowed down that pain and focused on the only thing he could control his job.

Mrs. Hanscom had been right when she said he wouldn’t fail. He succeeded in filling the shelves and bagging those eggs for the little old ladies.

He did that for two weeks, going to work and coming home to help with dinner, doing the dishes and washing his clothes and keeping his room spotless. A new routine for the same old guy.

Eventually, Mrs. Hanscom began to see how this was creating a rut for Eddie and thought it would be best if he joined Ben at the local gym. Eddie couldn’t think of a worse place to be, filled with sweaty men all grunting as they worked on their bodies, none of which bothered to wipe down the equipment when they were finished with it. Eddie stood off to the side for most of it, just following Ben around like a puppy with his tail between his legs.

“You know you can work out, right?” Ben asked a few minutes of Eddie just idling there. “You’re my day guest. Why don’t you grab a few weights and give it a go?”

“I’ll pass. Knowing my luck, I’ll wind up dropping it and breaking my foot.”

Ben snickered, sitting up from the lying position he had been working in. Eddie was sure it had a name, but he wasn’t aware of it. He didn’t know any workout slang or equipment names. Ben stood then, gesturing to the machine. “Lay down.”

“What?”

“Lay down. You’re gonna work those arms.”

Eddie shook his head, but Ben ignored his protest and requested to clean the seat down before forcing him to lay back. “Alright. This is a barbell bench press. We’ll start slow, okay?”

“Ben, we don’t have to do this,” Eddie swore, hugging when the other male pressed the metal beam against his chest.

“It’s twenty pounds, Eddie. You can do twenty pounds, right?” Ben asked, going to stand by Eddie’s head and spot him. He kept his hands hovering under the beam, letting him ready to catch it in case Eddie couldn’t do it.

But he did. He lifted it carefully, not with much effort. Eddie wasn’t weak, not physically at least. He should have been based on the way he had been living and the food he had been fed, but he found that some of the things his mom had been pumping into him, aside from sugar pills, had been vitamin supplements. All the vegetables that his mother had fed him were filled with enough protein to keep him moving, to keep up his strength.

So yeah, he could lift the twenty pounds. And then the thirty that Ben added. They went to forty and it got to be a bit harder, but he could still handle it. It was only when they got to the fifty pounds did he start to shake a bit, start to worry and doubt himself.

“Hey hey Haystack!” A voice shouted from across the room. Eddie lifted his head to see who was speaking but was quickly pushed back into his place by Ben as the man approached. “You throwing down tonight?”

“Nah, not tonight Rich,” Ben replied. Seeing as he answered the stranger, Eddie guessed that Haystack must have been a nickname of sorts. He didn’t get it, figuring it was some sort of inside joke.

“Awe, come on. Big Bill is gonna be dropping by and you know you can’t resist stepping in with him.”

“I have a handful of shifts this weekend. I can’t risk pulling something or messing up my hand.”

“Bah! Like you’ve ever lost.”

“I’ll stop by though. Cheer you on from the sidelines.”

“Now that’s what I call friendship Vol 12!” The stranger tapped Eddie’s knee then, prompting his attention. He craned his head up so he could gaze at him, finding a lanky man with wild hair and glasses standing at the end of the bench.

He had on gym shorts, much like everybody else and a white tank top, which was covered with an obnoxiously colored button-down shirt that was opened in the front. He had a headband around his forehead and thick glasses which made his eyes seem just a tad larger than normal.

“Aye, keep it up, small fry. You got this!” He cheered on before walking off.

Eddie faltered for a moment, letting his head fall back and then lifting it again to make his statement. “I’m not fucking small!” He shouted, causing Ben to chuckle from above.

“Ignore him. He’s not worth your effort, trust me. Had enough or do you want me to up it?”

“I think I’ve had my fill of bodybuilding for the day.”

Ben laughed and pulled the beam off him like it was nothing, carefully placing it down in the corner.

They left the gym and returned home. Eddie helped Mrs. Hanscom make dinner and set the table and then once they finished eating he helped clean up. They sat together on the couch, watching some movie on the tv. It reminded him too much of how he and his mother would spend time together.

They wouldn’t go to the park or out for walks. They stayed inside and did puzzles and watched tv. She would put on the news and show all the horrifying things going on in the world and comment on how lucky Eddie was that he could stay inside. They would watch old cartoons that were perfectly fine for a little kid well up until she was taken awake.

Mrs. Hanscom gave Eddie the choice of what to watch though he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know the television shows that were popular at this time nor did he care for anything. It was just white noise for him. He would stare blankly not even bothering to soak in what was being played out for him.

They settled on some reality show that was trashy and boring. Mrs. Hanscom would comment here and there about how ridiculous it was and how utterly staged it had to be.

After a while, Ben got up from the couch and went to change his clothes. He told his mom he was going out and kissed her cheek before walking out the door.

Eddie sat alone with Mrs. Hanscom, watching the trash television of overly wealthy people and the petty problems they lived with every day. Eventually, she turned in, wishing him a good night as she went off to her room.

She didn’t tell him to turn the tv off or to make sure he was in bed by a certain time. He was given choices for the first time in, well ever. Eddie did make his home to bed, ready to start the day all over again.

To work, then home, to make dinner and do laundry. He had a routine, just like he had before everything went to shit.

He liked it, to an extent. Liked knowing what to expect and having a routine allowed him to mostly stay sane in all of this. If he knew what tomorrow brought, then he would have something to focus on and wouldn’t get lost in the in-between.

He didn’t question where Ben had gone that night or where he had gone a few nights later. Ben had his own life and didn’t have to invite Eddie everywhere he went. He brought him to the gym for a second time, pushing him once again onto a machine so he could work on his upper arm strength.

Nobody paid much attention to him there, all speaking to Ben and offering him polite glances and nods. This time he was on something called a ‘hammer strength machine’ pumping his arms in and out. Ben once again spotted him, making sure he didn’t push it or hurt himself.

Eddie would have wondered why Ben didn’t go to school to be a personal trainer if he hadn’t seen some of his sketches and models. The guy was born to create buildings. He just happened to also have a knack for bodybuilding as well.

It wasn’t until Beverly had come around to pick Ben up to go out did she see that he was being left behind. She was pissed, more so than Eddie had been about the whole thing and threw a bit of a fit over it.

“You can’t just leave him behind, Ben!” She argued.

Eddie was just sitting on his bed, reading one of the books that Ben had lent him. He didn’t even realize that Ben was going out on this particular night until the redhead rushed into the room and told him to get dressed.

“I wasn’t leaving him behind on purpose,” Ben swore gently. “It just didn’t seem like his type of thing.”

“You said the same thing about me.”

“I’m sorry, what are you talking about?” Eddie injected, trying to piece together what exactly was going on.

“We’re going out. Put your clothes on.” Beverly said.

There was something about the way Beverly presented herself that proved to Eddie she wasn’t a force to be reckoned with. He pulled his clothes back on and got into Ben’s car where he drove them out and away from the suburbs and into the grasslands. He didn’t get a chance to ask why they were out in the middle of nowhere when they were suddenly pulling up behind an old farmhouse.

Everything seemed so sketchy and murder and when he found there were more people there than expected, Eddie didn’t know what to think. They passed all the sheep and chickens surrounded by a pen, going further down until they came upon an area that was completely lit up by torches.

“What are we doing here?” He asked Beverly, following her off to the side.

In the middle of the crowd, there was a boxing ring. It was mostly makeshift, with the ropes around it looking tethered and overused. He wondered what a thing like this was doing randomly out in the middle of nowhere.

“Tonight, just watching,” Beverly answered to him.

“Watching what?”

“All right, all right! Everybody settle down!” A voice shouted out. A man appeared in the room then, followed by a second man. The first was dark-skinned and he recalled seeing around town before. His family’s farm supplied the meat for the grocery store. His name was Mike.

The other man was a stranger to him. Tall and thin, with short, neatly styled hair. Neither men looked like they were dressed to be inside the gym, with Mike wearing a plain tee shirt and jeans and the other wearing a button-up and khakis.

“Welcome everyone. We’re gonna have some good fights tonight.” Mike said, greeting the crowd once they relaxed a bit. “So far we have six signed up, which means three tights. Stan and I have put together who goes again who, so if you’re fighting or betting, listen up.”

The second man, Stan, held up a chalkboard for the crowd to see. “We have Denbrough vs Bowers. Cross vs Huggins. And Tozier vs Hotchsetter. Now, you all know the rules, so we’re gonna make this quick. No shirt, no shoes. No weapons of any kind.”

“The only weapon allowed in the ring is your body,” Stan mentioned, smirking down at the crowd.

“If you bleed, then you bleed. If you think something is broken, then you’re out. If someone says stop and if you do not stop, then that calls for what?”

“Total elimination,” Stan answered.

“If you wanna play dirty, you gotta pay the price. Now that we’ve reminded you how it goes: let’s begin, shall we? Anybody willing to take bets, speak with Stanley. Bowers! Denbrough! You have two minutes.”

“What is this?” Eddie asked, shifting aside as people moved through the crowd to get to Stan and make their bets.

“Have you ever seen the movie Fight Club?” She asked. “It’s sort of like that.”

“Bev, the only movies I was allowed to watch were G-rated films screened by my mother. Nothing with the word ‘fight’ would have passed her.”

“They’re gonna beat the shit out of one another.” Beverly simplified.

Before he could ask another question, both Henry Bowers and Bill Denbrough, two people that Eddie knew from the group meeting, slipped into the ring. Both were shirtless. Both were shoeless. Henry had his hair pulled back with a headband and Bill had some medical wrap wrapped around his knuckles.

Eddie moved closer, peering over someone’s shoulder to get a better look. Mike stood in the middle, reminding them both to be fair and to put on a good show before tapping them in. Bill and Henry circled one another before Bowers made the first strike. Bill blocked it easily, catching Bower’s off guard a half step later. It seemed like a simple boxing match except without the protective gear.

Eddie thought back to when he was eleven and had been flipping through the channels. He stumbled upon some MMA fight that was being televised. He was able to watch it for a good forty seconds before his mom flipped out and changed the channel. She rambled on about how dangerous fighting was and how sensitive Eddie’s skin was so if he were to ever be in a fight, he would be torn to pieces.

Eddie thought about what the differences would be, between MMA and boxing and whatever this thing happening here was.

In the tiny ring, they went at it, punching, and kicking, and biting, bruising skin and spitting out blood, they fought until finally, Mike seemed Denbrough the winner. The crowd cheered around them and despite having blood on his face, Bill still offered Bowers a hand to lift him. He guested it was out of good sportsmanship or something.

They left the ring, letting a few people slip inside to clean it up before the next two came up to fight.

Eddie recognized one of them as the fella from the gym the first time he went. He had his shaggy hair pulled back out of the way of his face and his glasses had been removed for obvious reasons. He was jumping up and down, practically bouncing with excitement as he stretched on the sidelines of the ring.

When Mike called his name, he hopped inside, pacing in place and punching the air theatrically.

Beverly stood beside him then, touching his shoulder to get his attention. “Hey, you okay?”

“How long do we have to stay here?” He asked curiously.

He guessed she took that as Eddie wanted to leave at that moment because in a flash they gathered up Ben making their way out of the crowd. The last thing Eddie heard was the animalistic shouts from one of the fighters in the ring before they were back in the car.

#Reddie #Reddie fanfic #Richie Tozier #Eddie Kaspbrak #Fight Club AU #Beneverly #Benverly #Stanley Uris

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eddiesasspbrak · 5 years

Text

Escapism

Eddie needs to get away from his mother and finds himself stuck in a downpour. The closest place to hide is the arcade, where he meets Richie Tozier, a boy from his school. Richie takes an interest in him and gives him a place to escape to.

Part of my “I’d rearrange the alphabet to put U and I together” series

Read on AO3

5k+ words

Eddie Kaspbrak didn’t like to say he hated things. Hate was negative and there were already so many negatives in his life that he wanted to focus on the positive. On things he liked. He liked movies. Going to see them in the theater with the big comfy seats and a large popcorn perched on his lap. Sitting at home on the couch, a movie he’d seen a hundred times on the screen and big blanket on top of him. Both were great. He liked running. His mother always told him he shouldn’t run because of his asthma, but he never had a problem. He liked the way the wind felt against his face as he pushed himself to go just a little faster. It was freedom. He liked spending time with his friends, Bill, Ben and Mike. Riding their bikes down to the quarry and going for a swim in the summer. Sitting in the clubhouse reading comics until it became too dark to see.

Yes, there were many things that Eddie liked and didn’t hate much. What he did hate was his mother. He’d been told before that you can’t truly hate your parents. You might hate things that they do or get angry enough to think that you hate them, but deep down you really love them. Eddie thought that was bullshit. He hated his mother and he knew that if he did love her it was such a microscopic part of him that it would never be strong enough overpower the hatred.

There were several reasons he hated his mother. When he was younger, she would overreact to every little illness. He would get a tickle in his throat and cough and she’d be on the phone making a doctor’s appointment within seconds. He fell off his bike once and didn’t even get hurt, but she called an ambulance and made him lay where he fell until they gave the all clear. Even then, she insisted that he was injured and made them take him to the hospital anyway. A full body x-ray later and he was sent home with a big bill and no injury. She used to make him take a handful of pills a day for his “conditions”. He eventually found out they were placebos and stopped taking them.

He wasn’t even sure if he had asthma or not. He’d run vast distances at a fast pace and, sure he’d be out of breath for a minute when he stopped, but he never had to use the inhaler. The only time he did feel like he needed it, he realized, was when he was having a panic attack. The panic disorder was probably the only thing that was actually wrong with him and he was sure she was the one who caused it.

He hated her because she had to know what he was doing, where he was going and who he was with at all times. If he didn’t tell her, she would follow him. She seemed to have spies all around town who would report back to her on what he’d been doing. In a small town like Derry, everyone knew almost everyone else, so it was likely that she really did have spies watching his every move.

She hated his friends, called them a bad influence when they were nothing but respectful when in her presence. They were the ones he loved. They’d been there for Eddie when he needed someone to talk to. He couldn’t talk to her. About anything. The one time he thought he might let her know what was going on in his life, she grounded him for two weeks. All because he said he thought Beverly Marsh was pretty. Bev had a bad reputation in town, which probably wasn’t even true, and she would not have her son spending time with a girl like that. He wondered how she’d react if she knew that he also thought he liked boys.

Despite all the hate he felt for her, he still tried to stay positive. A feat proving impossible whenever she started in on him. This time it had been because he dropped a glass while doing the dishes and it broke. He bent down to pick up the bigger shards and she ran in yelling at him to stop. She was afraid he would cut himself. He ignored her and kept cleaning it up only to have her grab his arm roughly to pull him away from it. The motion caused one of the pieces to fall from his hand, hitting his other hand on the way down. It wasn’t a bad cut, but it bled and caused him to curse from the jolt of pain.

She followed him into the bathroom, where he was going to disinfect it and bandage it, yelling about how he needed to be careful. She also wasn’t happy about the swearing and blamed his friends influence for the foul language. Eddie bit his tongue and said nothing until she told him he was too delicate to touch sharp objects and should let others do it for him. She’d been saying something similar his entire life. Always calling him delicate and incapable.

He couldn’t go on the roller coaster at the fair because he’d be too afraid. He might pass out and he’d surely throw up. He couldn’t go to Betty Ripsom’s tenth birthday party at the roller rink because he might fall and break something or another kid could roll over his hand. Besides, the food could have his allergens in them and what if he ate something and they couldn’t get his EpiPen fast enough? He couldn’t stay the night at Bill’s house because what if someone broke in hurt him or kidnapped him?

The anger built up and resulted in him yelling at her. Eddie told her that it was her fault he cut himself because she pulled on him. He could have cleaned it up without incident if she had just left him alone. He could take care of himself and he didn’t need her. He yelled until his throat hurt and then he left. She ran after him, calling out his name. Followed him out onto the porch and watched him run down the street toward town, screaming after him. He ignored her and kept going.

He needed to be alone and to cool off. Bill was out of town for the weekend with his family. Ben was working. Mike was probably home but his grandfather’s farm was too far to walk to, and he didn’t bring bus money or his bike. He couldn’t go back to get either because it would mean seeing her and she would try to guilt him into staying. With none of his friends being an option, he didn’t know where to go. Though he had to figure it out fast.

The forecast had called for rain and he knew it was coming. The sky had gone dark with grey clouds and thunder rumbled in the distance. Since he didn’t have any money, he didn’t know where to go. The library was an option, but he thought the silence would drive him mad. He needed somewhere noisy to block out his thoughts. Every place he could think of required money or it would be considered loitering and the last thing he needed was another argument.

He looked at all the shops as he passed by, hoping that one would let him come in without having to spend any money. Restaurants and stores surrounded him, everyone likely to make him leave if he just stood there. He didn’t want to be accused of shop lifting for just browsing either. A flash of lightening caused him to startle and a second later he felt a raindrop hit his cheek. Now desperate as the rain started as just a light drizzle but picking up by the second, he began to run and ducked for cover under the alcove of a shop. Surely, they couldn’t yell at him for standing outside the store, right?

He sighed as the rain began to pour, becoming like a sheet of water, making it hard to see two feet beyond where he stood. He knew it was going to rain, he just didn’t realize it would be this heavy. Part of him wished that he had just gone up to his room and turned on loud music instead. He knew that wasn’t always effective though as they were still under the same roof and the odds of things boiling over again were very high. This was for the best, even if he was stuck in the rain. He just wished he’d grabbed a jacket as the rain made the spring air cold and he hadn’t gotten away without getting a little wet. He shivered and turned to look at the building behind him, unsure of exactly where he was. He’d just seen a hiding spot and lunged for it.

Eddie knew there was an arcade in town, he’d just never paid much attention to it. He definitely had never been inside. Video games had never really been his thing. If he was going to spend his money on something frivolous it was going to be something that would last. If someone had asked him for directions to the arcade, he couldn’t even tell them where to go. So, it was a surprise that the alcove he chose to hide under was part of the storefront of the arcade. The windows were slightly tinted and beyond he could just barely see kids and teens alike playing the games inside.

A particularly big crowd had formed around one game and that gave Eddie the impression that he could hang out in there and watch. It wasn’t the most exciting way to spend the day, but it was a way to escape the rain and cold.

Inside, music played at a low volume from overhead speakers. Yelling, cheering, button smashing, and game noises were much more audible. The entire place smelled like pennies, fried foods and too much air freshener and it made Eddie’s nose itch. Trying to blend in, he made his way to the largest group to see what they were all watching. A half circle of boys and girls of various ages were formed around a single person whose focus was on the game before him. Eddie recognized him from school but couldn’t quite remember his name.

“Why’s everyone watching him?” He asked a preteen boy standing near the outside of the group.

“Because he’s about to beat the high score on this game.” The kid explained, standing on his toes in attempt to see better.

“Oh.” Eddie didn’t really see the point. Was getting a new high score really that important and impressive? If anything wasn’t it a little sad? Spending so much time playing a game that you become the best. Was it even enjoyable anymore by that point? Still, Eddie had nothing better to do and he needed to look like he belonged and so he watched.

Eddie couldn’t say how much time had passed. He kind of zoned out watching the rhythmic movements of the other boy’s hands on the joystick and buttons. It was only when the group around him all yelled out and the hands stopped moving that he snapped back to reality. Eddie glanced at those around him and was met with disappointed faces. The crowd began to disperse, some going to the boy to say a few words. He heard a “better luck next time” in there and figured he must have failed.

With the crowd now gone and Eddie’s hiding spot taken with it, he turned to look back at the entrance to check the status of the weather. If he’d been paying attention, he might have seen that he caught the notice of gamer he’d been watching. When he turned back, finding that it had slowed but was still pouring, he found that he was no longer alone. Dark eyes magnified by big glasses, floppy, curly black hair and a crooked grin stared back at him and he wondered if he’d blown his cover.

“Kaspbrak. I didn’t take you for a game enthusiast. Don’t think I’ve ever even seen you here.” He said.

Eddie searched his brain for a name. It seemed rude not to greet him now that he’d called him by his own name. Or last name at least. Whether or not he knew his first name was still unclear. Still, Eddie couldn’t seem to find the name in his head. It was a small school, their graduating class a tiny fraction, yet he easily forgot the names of his classmates. If it wasn’t Bill, Mike or Ben, it just didn’t register. Though Eddie had definitely noticed him before. He was a part of his bisexual awakening a few years back along with a handful of other guys from school.

“I’m not really. This is my first time here. I just…it’s raining.” Eddie felt flustered as he gestured back to the front windows. Talking to attractive people was never an easy task. Not that his friends weren’t attractive. He was just used to them and he’d known them since they were kids with missing teeth and runny noses. Not cute.

“So it is.” He looked up over Eddie’s head, reminding him how much taller he was, and toward the windows. “And you chose the arcade to take shelter in. Couldn’t resist the smell of prepubescent sweat and nacho cheese wafting through the room?”

The thought was gross, but Eddie couldn’t stop the smile from forming. “Is that what that is?”

He opened his mouth to respond when another boy came by and slapped a hand down on his shoulder with a grin. “That kid tried to beat your score, Rich. I told him it wasn’t going to happen. I think he might be crying now.”

Rich? Richie! Eddie knew that he knew his name. He just needed a jolt. Now that he remembered, he also remembered all the nicknames he was called by their less than friendly classmates. Dick was the obvious one, Trashmouth a bit more creative. He’d heard his name called out in class often enough that it really should have stuck. Eddie wondered if he was self-absorbed. Why else would he forget a name so easily that he heard so often?

Richie finished talking to the boy who moved onto his next conversation, leaving the two alone again. Eddie didn’t know what was left to say. He wasn’t the best conversationalist. Not with practical strangers anyway. It didn’t help that he felt like all eyes were on them as Richie seemed to be somewhat of a celebrity to the younger kids.

“So…you’re not into games?” Richie asked, breaking the brief awkward silence between them.

“Not really, no. Plus the idea of touching machines that hundreds of other people have touched with their dirty hands it just disgusting.” Eddie wrinkled his nose.

“That’s right. You have that thing.”

“What thing?”

“That germ thing. What do they call it? Germaphobe?”

“I’m not a germaphobe. I just get grossed out easily.”

“No kidding. Last week I saw you gag when that couple passed gum between their mouths.”

“Any normal human would find that gross!” Eddie was laughing now, and it was weird how quickly he was becoming comfortable with Richie.

“You swap saliva while kissing anyway. What’s the difference?”

Eddie wasn’t sure if it was the conversation or Richie or the way he was smiling at him that was making his heartbeat so fast. He thought that if it weren’t so noisy everyone would be able to hear it. His bad mood from earlier, his argument with his mother, was gone from his mind and he focused on coming up with a response.

“It’s very different. Swapping gum is the same and eating already chewed food.” The thought made Eddie shiver in disgust.

“If you think that’s gross, then I wouldn’t suggest eating the food here.” Richie leaned in and whispered conspiratorially.

Before entering the establishment, Eddie had never known that they had a small kitchen in the back of the arcade. It was pretty gross. Who bought food at an arcade? He had glanced at the menu hanging above the order window. Hotdogs, burgers, nachos, fries and pizza. Eddie couldn’t imagine willingly eating any of it, especially after Richie’s previous comment. It made him laugh but also made his stomach turn.

“There’s a better place down the street. The chip shop. Ever been there?” Richie asked when Eddie made no move to respond.

“No. My mom frowns upon eating in restaurants. The cooks don’t wash their hands and you’ll get a parasite from it. So, she says anyway.”

Richie furrowed his eyebrows together and laughed a bit awkwardly. “I promise I’ve never gotten a parasite from them. They’ve got great burgers and fries though. Come on, you’ve got to try it at least once.”

Eddie turned as Richie passed him to walk toward the door. Miraculously, the rain had stopped, and the sun was shining beyond the front door. Being invited to get a meal with Richie was weirdly exciting but Eddie was reminded that he’d left home with empty pockets. He followed Richie to the door but stopped as soon as they were outside, frowning for the first time since talking to him.

“I don’t have any money with me. Rain check?” Eddie asked, the disappointment hard to ignore.

“Don’t worry about it. I got paid this morning.” Richie said, taking off down the street.

Eddie had to jog a bit to catch up. God, his legs were long. “No, I…I can’t let you pay for me.”

“It’s not a big deal. You can treat next time.”

The smile he sent Eddie’s way brought a visible blush to his cheeks and Eddie choked on a response. He’d been invited to eat with Richie. Now Richie was going to pay for him. He implied this wasn’t a one-time thing. Was Eddie naïve or had he been asked on a date without realizing it? That was a stupid thought as he didn’t even know if Richie was into guys and Richie didn’t know if Eddie was either. This was Derry. People didn’t exactly run around shouting that they were gay. They’d likely be killed or run out of town if they did. Still, it was possible, right? Did normal friendships start this way? He really didn’t know. The three friends he had were all made in elementary school when all you had to do to make a friend was invite them to play tag or share your cookies at lunch.

Eddie was sure there was a subtle way of finding out Richie’s intentions, but he didn’t know what it was. Aside from coming straight out and asking him or attempting to flirt, his mind was blank. And neither of those options was ideal. Or really possible for Eddie. He’d chicken out if he tried to ask and he’d never successfully flirted with anyone. He always became too tongue tied when he tried and ended up embarrassed.

When they arrived at the chip shop, Richie held the door open for him and he managed to nearly trip over his own feet walking through the door. He internally berated himself for being so unsmooth and couldn’t ignore the smile his lack of grace earned from Richie. Their menu was small but then again so was the shop. It was narrow, booths lining both walls with a small walkway in between. The whole back wall was made up of the counter and Eddie noticed there were no customer bathrooms. He wouldn’t be able to wash his hands before eating. It was fine. He was fine. He wouldn’t die from eating one meal without washing his hands.

They each ordered a burger and a side of fries to share. Richie paid and a few brief, awkwardly quiet, minutes later, they were receiving their order. Richie lead him to a booth halfway between the door and the counter. Eddie was once again reminded that this was so unbelievably foreign to him. If it were Bill, Mike and Ben he’d feel totally relaxed. He’d slide into the booth, probably with Ben, and eat as if it was the first meal he’d had in weeks. Now he felt anxious. He didn’t want to embarrass himself or make a mess of himself. He’d made sure to only get one messy toppy on his burger, opting for ketchup. It would probably stain more than the others, but he didn’t like mustard and mayo could be mistaken for other things he didn’t want to think about. Not while sitting across from Richie.

He took small bites of his burger, only taking a fry every few bites and he wondered if other people ate their food so carefully. Calculating the possible outcome of each bite before he took it. It was sad, wasn’t it? Spending time with a potential new friend and being so nervous he could barely function like a normal human being. He blamed his mother. She kept him from socializing for so long, it was something he had to learn from observing others closely. Just another thing to add to the long list of reasons to hate her.

The silence was beginning to weight on Eddie. Every so often Richie would say something, but it didn’t spark a conversation and he couldn’t take it anymore. He had to say something soon or the anxious nerves were going to build up and cause him to launch off his seat like a little rocket.

“So…video games…I heard you have a lot of high scores.” He said, inwardly cringing at his lack of conversational skills.

“I have a few. I’m on the board for pretty much every game in the arcade.” Richie looked proud but Eddie was confused.

“Is that where you spend all your free time? What about hanging out with friends?” Eddie knew that he was friends with Beverly and there was another guy he was often seen with. Started with an S. Stanley?

“I still hang out with them a lot. The arcade is just…”

“Just what?”

Richie seemed hesitant to speak again, taking an exceptionally long sip from his drink. Briefly Eddie wondered if he should have pushed it. He just wanted to know more about him, and the arcade seemed like a safe starting point for a personal conversation. Maybe he was wrong.

“Just a safe place. Things at home aren’t great and the arcade is like an escape from it all. I don’t have to think about anything else except what’s happening on the screen. I don’t have to worry about my dad calling me a disappointment when there are alien invaders to blast out of the sky.” He smiled but it was without humor. It broke Eddie’s heart to see that look on his face.

“I get it. I wish I had a place like that to escape to.” Eddie of course would go to his friends houses when things got rough at home, but he always worried about being a burden. They’d tell him again and again that he wasn’t, but he couldn’t change his own mind. If he had a place like the arcade, he wouldn’t spend another day wandering through the rain looking for refuge.

“What made you come to the arcade today? Was it really just the rain or were you out for a walk and got unlucky? I can’t imagine any reason I’d leave home without some cash.” Richie pointed a fry at him as he spoke, seeming a bit more relaxed.

“I just needed to get out of my house for a while. My mom is…a lot.”

“Yea I’ve kind of heard rumors about her.”

“Wait, what? Where? There are rumors about my mom?” Eddie felt slightly panicked. He’d never heard anyone talking about his mom before and he could only imagine the things that were being said.

“People say she’s super overprotective and doesn’t let you out of the house much.”

Well that was partially true. Overprotective, definitely but she couldn’t keep him inside. She’d tried and he always found a way out. He made it clear that he wasn’t going to be caged in. “Overprotective is an understatement.”

“Worse than that?”

“Way worse. She’s terrified of me getting sick or hurt so she goes out of her way to make sure it doesn’t happen. Our entire house would be padded if she had her way. I cut my hand today-.” Eddie held his hand up to show the bandage there. “-and she caused it panicking over the potential of me cutting myself. The irony is lost on her.”

“Is that why you went out in the rain?”

“I thought a cold rain shower would help calm me down after the screaming match.”

Richie smiled. “Did it work?”

“No.”

“But you seem calmer.”

Eddie didn’t say anything. He wanted to say that it was because of him but couldn’t make the words leave his mouth. He didn’t know how Richie would react to that. If he was completely wrong about his intentions, Eddie could end up making things very awkward. The last thing he needed was rumors to be spread around town that he was gay. His life would become hell outside of the house as well and he couldn’t handle that. Sure, there were bullies but they didn’t bother him much. If they thought he liked men, he could only imagine the things they’d do to him. So, he kept his mouth shut and just continued to smile as he stuffed a fry into his mouth.

They finished their meals while talking about school and friends. When they finished, Richie convinced Eddie to follow him to a “secret location”. He said that something cool always happened there after it rained. Part of Eddie was afraid to go. He didn’t really know Richie or what his intentions were. He could really be leading him to a cool spot he frequented, or he could be leading him to a trap. Would be pay for his lunch just to beat him up? It really was a silly thought as he knew for a fact that Richie was bullied as well.

Eddie followed him all the way to the edge of town, down a grassy field by the quarry to the edge of the woods. His anxiety only grew with each step he took farther from civilization and help. Richie walked past the line of trees a few feet before stopping. Eddie was distracted by the way his shoes were sinking into the mud and almost didn’t notice that he’d stopped in front of him. He just barely avoided crashing directly into him. Probably best that he didn’t as the muddy ground was slippery and likely would have sent both lurching forward into the mess in front of them.

Looking down, Eddie saw a flooded swampy area on the ground with sticks and leaves floating. The most notable thing was the frogs. He wasn’t sure just how many there were as they wouldn’t stop moving long enough for him to count, but there were fifteen at least. They were a distance away to keep from disturbing them, but close enough for Eddie to worry about one jumping on him.

“Cool, right?” Richie aske, looking back at Eddie. “They always come out like this after a heavy rainfall.”

“I’m not gonna lie…I wasn’t expecting frogs.”

“What were you expecting?”

Eddie shrugged because he didn’t know what he’d been expecting. He had about a million possible scenarios running through his head, but none were probable. In the end, anything that Richie had to show him would have surprised him.

“Do you always come here after it rains?” Eddie asked.

“Not always. Bev and I found them by chance when we were out for a walk. I’ve come back a few times and they’re always here. I like listening to them.”

Eddie looked at Richie’s face in time to see the content smile spread across his lips. He’d never seen him look this happy and it sent butterflies to his stomach.

“I feel like I’m intruding on your secret spot.” Eddie admitted, feeling a little awkward.

“You’re only the third person who has seen this with me.” Richie said. “Bev obviously being one and Stan the other. So, I guess it is a secret.”

“Why show me then?”

“Because I like you.”

The smile he sent Eddie’s way made him dizzy. Of course, Eddie knew he meant as a friend but hearing those words from a cute boy was like an arrow to the heart. The last thing he needed was to fall for a potential new friend who might very well be straight. Yet, there he was, eyes fixated on his mouth wondering what he tasted like.

A second later he’d know the answer. Ketchup and salt from the meal they’d shared. Of course, he wasn’t actually thinking about that when Richie leaned down and planted one on him. The exact thought running through is mind was something like “danger, danger! Brain explosion in 3…2…”. He’d only been kissed once at a Christmas party. He didn’t even realize he was standing under the mistletoe until Ben’s cousin swooped in and kissed him. It was nothing like this.

When Richie pulled away, Eddie wasn’t honestly sure if he’d kissed him back. His brain had short circuited almost immediately and he was still trying to figure out if it had really happened. Richie was smiling, his hand on Eddie’s cheek and his thumb resting on the corner of his mouth.

“I…you…” Eddie couldn’t make a coherent thought come to his mind. His tongue felt thick in his mouth and his head was mush. “Kissed. We kissed.” He finally managed.

“Is that ok? You didn’t say anything after I said I like you, so I took my chance.” Richie said, tilting his head slightly.

“Ok. Yea. It was…ok. Definitely.”

Richie laughed and Eddie hated that he sounded so stupid and out of it. “I’ve always noticed you at school and wanted to talk to you, but people tend not to like my sense of humor. Admiring you from afar was better than you hating me.”

“You liked me before today? Like…before meeting me? Why?”

Richie leaned back against a tree and sighed. “Why? Let’s see…because your adorable doe eyes make me weak when they’re all scrunched up in anger. I’ve heard you laughing with your friends and that little snort you make is one of my favorite sounds. When you got mad in class when you were told you’d fail if you skipped the dissection, I swear I had heart bubbles around my head when you called Mr. Groff a masochistic amphibian murderer.” He was laughing at the memory and Eddie was sure he was going to melt.

“I…couldn’t remember your name.” Eddie winced as the words fell from his lips. “I mean, I knew who you were I just…I’m bad with names. But I’ve noticed you too. You’re part of the reason I realized I liked guys. I just wanted to be honest because you just said a lot of stuff and were really honest, so it only felt fair that I-.”

Richie cut off Eddie’s rambling with another kiss. This time Eddie stayed focused on the feel of his lips, soft and wet and salty. They stayed like that for a while, together in the canopy of the trees, getting to know one another and kissing when the mood struck. Richie gave Eddie his number, told him to call when he needed somewhere to go. He would be there to take him away. To help him escape.

#reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #it (2019)#It (2017)#Ro writes

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witchoflegends · 1 year

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Open: Eddie Kaspbrak (1990)

"What's a twink, and why am I one?"

#open starter #open starter: eddie #placebo bullshit: eddie kaspbrak #eddie verse: 1990

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edsbev · 5 years

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The fact that nobody ever addresses Eddie’s medication makes me thing he never told them about them being fake and that deeply distresses me

im gonna say that the memory of eddie telling them just hadnt come back to them yet bc there’s no way tiny eddie kaspbrak didn’t very breathlessly and excitedly tell his friends that he stood up to his mother, that he walked the fuck on out her to be with them! and then very angrily tell them that all his medication was bullshit, that he’d been lied to all this time, and that he’s not sick at all. like eddie definitely did that !!! while cursing his mother out the whole time !! and the losers responded like, “holy shit, eddie” “im so sorry” “hey, good on you for standing up to her” “im gonna fucking kill your mom” “we’re here for you” all concerned and supportive (before eddie continued that yeah he’s fine, he just cant believe it wasnt real, that they were fucking gazebos, which made richie burst out laughing, and bev smile as she gently corrected that its ‘placebo’)

#ask #eddie #the losers #Anonymous

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cardiganloser · 5 years

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IT OCS

I felt like talking about my OCs for this crazy fanabse, so here we are. Also sorry, but they're all girls. I'm working on some male ones, and I'll get the info out when I'm finished, but for now it's a girl crew. I tend to find female OCs easier, probably cause I am a girl.

Jennifer Tozier

Richie's cousin, about seven months older than he is (which he hates)

She lived in Spain with her father and alcoholic mother until she was five. Then her dad died in an accident at his work and she moved to Derry with her mother so she could have support from Maggie, Went and Richie

Because of her history of living in Spain she's fluent in speaking Spanish and naturally slightly tanned, as her dad was Spanish, but her mother American. This made her a target for Bowers, often telling her she had to speak English if she used Spanish, or saying she should go back to her home country.

She of course takes none of that bullshit and ignores him completely, only really getting pissed if he's talking about Spanish people in general

Her personality would be described as sassy and she's that one person who will take no bullshit, she wants to protect people when older.

She taught Bill how to say his tounge twister in Spanish

Her hair is really long, as in she can put it in a ponytail to her waist, and she's super proud of it, so when Bowers threatened to cut it she didn't come to school for three days so Bowers forgot

Her worst fear is electrocution, because it's how her dad died

Rebecca Kaspbrak

Eddie's sister, younger by three minutes.

Sonia gave her the same placebos she gave Eddie, but when Becca actually developed insomnia when she got older Sonia took away the placebos she gave Eddie and just used her actual meds

She can be extremely sleepy in classes, sometimes actually falling asleep or passing out, which Bowers will tease her about. The other Losers will stick up for her generally, but it can eat at her when she's on her own.

She's generally quiet, but extremely smart, straight A student. She wants to go into the music industry when she's older, and her vocal range is already pretty great.

When she and Eddie met Richie for the first time she grabbed a fork to defend her and her brother because their mom had warned them against rowdy people. Richie still teases her to this day.

When she was at a record store once she saw Bowers, so she stood on a stool and climbed into an air vent (she's tiny, like Eddie) and found it extremely fun. She's been banned from many stores for doing it.

Her worst fear is being comatose, inflicted by insomnia and her mother blowing it out of proportion

Addeline Stones-Denbrough

Bill's and Georgie's half-sister, ten months younger than Bill

They have the same mum but different dads, Sharon had an affair while Bill's dad was away on a business trip and their marriage was in a tough spot. They worked around it and she's split custody between the Denbroughs and her dad, who hates her for ruining his perfect reputation as her parentage is widely known throughout Derry.

Her parentage is generally what causes Bowers to torment her, saying this like "couldn't get any good genes huh?" or "that whore mom would take any dick?"

She's pretty calm and down-to-earth, but puts to much pressure on herself to please other people. Her own parental issues inspire her to go into social work when she's older to help kids in the system.

She's gay, and cane out to Richie after she heard about what happened with Bowers in the arcade. He came out to her as gay too, admitting he was crushing on Eddie. She admitted she was in love with Becca and they've been extremely close since then.

Her most famed Bowers escape is when he called her a fag, so she slapped him, and when he came after her she rode her bike to the quarry, hid it and jumped off the cliff, something she's usually to scared to do. It was legendary amongst the losers and Derry as a whole.

Her worst fear is being abandoned, due to parental issues.

#it 2017 #it 2019 #richie tozier #bill denbrough

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kaspmatic · 5 years

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Gretta Keene may have told Eddie that his medication was bullshit placebo’s but his inhaler itself - the item - is a placebo for Eddie all on its own. Regardless of the fact the medication was bullshit, he still holds true to the inhaler and utilizes it during his most stressful times. Anytime he is panicking he holds onto it - like a token of bravery, a calming agent. Something that he believes is going to help him through a trying time. Take for instance the time where they are helping Bev clean up the bloody bathroom in the Marsh Apartment – the blood grosses him out and honestly does not help the fear that has been instilled by him from his mother and certainly does not help his fear with Pennywise or the event’s that are taking place in Derry, but he still puts on gloves and cleans. But he keeps his inhaler in his mouth the entire time that he is cleaning. He’s not using it, he’s not suffering from an asthma attack, he’s simply keeping it in his mouth because for so long his inhaler has provided something to him that made him feel like it was going to fix his problems.

Even when he is standing up to Bill because he doesn’t want to chase after Pennywise anymore and he rips the sewer system map off the wall, he’s clutching it in his hand. Not realizing that he doesn’t need it to be brave or to remain calm and stand up for himself. He has become far too dependent on the lies of Sonia Kaspbrak because he knows nothing else, he has been conditioned to believe that he needs it during the worst of times and that carries on. It’s the first thing he goes to in any time of panic.

But we know he is brave and can go without, we see this during many fights where he isn’t forced to sit there and think but he only can react. He doesn’t need it, it’s not required, but he thinks he does in order to be that person he thinks he’s not.

Eddie is by far one of the bravest in The Loser’s Club, going as far as being the first to respond when someone is in need with no questions asked. Take for instance, the moment they find Mike, he is the first one to follow Bev down to the quarry. And during the rock war he is the first person to move closer to Bower’s gang, jumping straight into the water and going halfway just to get more of an advantage on his throw. He is a fierce fighter, he’s not delicate. After the rock war he’s covered in water, indicating he didn’t take his time to pick out a rock to throw. He just knew he had to win a war against a group of bullies and he went for it - he didn’t need the placebo of having his inhaler in hand.

When the group heads into Neibolt House for the first time, Eddie does not want to go inside. He offers to stay outside because he is scared – but he goes in anyway, accompanying Bill and Richie inside. When they move through the house and Eddie’s name is being called, he moves towards it, sure he’s scared, but he doesn’t run. He doesn’t shy away. He investigates. The only time he runs is when he hears the door starting to close on Bill and Richie – when his friends are in danger, completely forgetting about the whisper of his name and turning his back on his very own danger in order to look out for those he loves and cares for. Furthermore, despite Eddie being a little shaken from his fall and having the pain of a broken arm weighing on him – his up close and personal encounter with Pennywise terrifies him. But still, he does the best he can to defend himself, going as far as slapping at him in order to try and defend himself against Pennywise’s advances.

One of his biggest and bravest accomplishments, was the fact that he stood up to mother by calling her out on the lies and telling her who really and truly has been trying to protect him and has his best interests at heart – his friends, The Loser’s Club. He doesn’t sugar coat it, he is matter of fact about every word that he says to his mother and does not give her room to try and manipulate her way out of the situation. Most children at that age wouldn’t dare to call out a parent on their wrong doings at that age, and Eddie did. Eddie stood up to his abusive mother who had been essentially poisoning him with bullshit that he never needed in the first place. He continuously has every member of The Loser’s Club’s back, through and through. The next trip into Neibolt House he does so without question – he just knows that he has to go because his friend is in danger. He faces another fear and travels through the grey water he so desperately didn’t want to venture through in the first place, when Bill darts off into the sewers Eddie is the first to take off after him, no regard to whether anyone else is following after him or not. He just knows that he can’t let Bill go alone.

After the battle, despite how terrible the whole ordeal was. Eddie made the pact with the rest of The Loser’s Club to come back if they needed to. None of them had to make that pact, but they all did.

Not only did he face plenty of fears in his younger years, despite forgetting just how brave he was, he never truly lost it. Once he’s called back to Derry 27 years later, he does so without fault. He’s scared to go back, but even Myra’s manipulation and blackmail tactics don’t stop him from leaving. He stands up to his wife and follows through with the pact he had agreed to all those years ago. Despite every anxiety and every doubt that he has about himself, he can shove those aside when someone is in need – especially if any of those people are the ones who had always loved him and cared for him.

#⌊ my mom will have an aneurysm ok?! ⌉ - headcanon #hc.

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repulsd-a · 5 years

Note

pills for the meta thing

Megan vs Meta | ▸ Open ◂

Uwu, pill meta? We stan. A lot of the opinions I have on Eddie and his pills are a good mixture of both the novel and movie. So, keep that in mind when I blab on about this little hypochondriac.

I mean, we’ll start with younger Eddie. This boy, even at eleven, was taking two aspirin for a simple headache. Now, I don’t know a whole lot when it comes to medication but I know that he shouldn’t be doing that. I know that we all know that I’m captain of the ‘I Hate Sonia Kaspbrak Club’ but like, honestly, putting this on a child is godawful. It probably falls onto the fear of losing Eddie just like she lost Frank but seriously, this kid is eleven and he carries around aspirins that he freely takes for a little headache? Like just casually popping two aspirins??? I can’t believe it. He shouldn’t have them on him. And he doesn’t know any different so this is all completely normal to him. I reckon, on the daily, Eddie takes aspirin - which covers a few bases but I think he mostly uses it as a painkiller - along with fever medication, allergy medication and then his inhaler (which is a placebo but he doesn’t know it). How they work on him, I’ll never know. I feel like the amount of medication he takes and how often he takes them, really affects his future. I reckon a lot of it is much more of a mental healing than physical. So, like when he does take aspirin for a headache - say when he’s a little older - I reckon that it’s much more of habit and believing it will settle it that causes it to do so. His body would slowly become more and more used to the effects of the drugs.

Following on from this, as an adult, I really believe it’s really really fucking unhealthy. He probably requires higher doses for actual medication. Like, don’t get me wrong, he’s human and will get pains and aches but after being fed them as a child? The two aspirins he was taking from eleven for a simple headache, probably would do nothing for him as an adult. So these 350mg pills probably have to be doubled to actually do anything. That, and Eddie definitely uses pills more as a comfort than a help. I mean, I’m 100% sure that he takes anxiety medication but the slightest idea that he’s getting a headache and there’s some form of pain relief going down his throat. Without it, he’s 100% sure that he’s gonna die or something. It’s bad.

There’s also this issue of how he gets half his medication? Because I believe that most of it is over-the-counter drugs but! Either Eddie is really good at bullshitting? He’s illegally acquiring medication? Or the more realistic option, he’s just as manipulative as Sonia? The latter really makes the most sense because I already imagine Eddie knows how to manipulate well anyways. So, I can imagine him really being a dickhead at the doctors to get what he wants. Which I hate, like I really hate the idea, but it seems the most realistic of all situations. I mean, we have seen him kick off far too quickly just at the simple accusation that everybody wants to have children? So, try denying this man of medication that he feels like he’ll die without and you’ve got a problem on your hands?

This is why I feel like if he were, at certain points of his life, trying to fight this dependency? Then Eddie would be hard to deal with. I don’t think he’d be physically aggressive in any way but he’s very much a loudly spoken person; he’s demanding and manipulative and angry. And, of course, in reference to the losers helping him out? He doesn’t mean it. It’s mostly just the words being fuelled by a need and anxiety? He’s gonna panic a lot. He’s gonna be constantly on the edge. It’d be bad.

I like to think that if he were to survive the second encounter then Eddie would definitely seek help for it. He’d find a way to deal without pills. Simply chucking them away wont really do much. And, I think he would relapse a few times. It’s a process but he’s trying. Support would really help though. Also, analysing why he feels like he has to take them and the source, it would really help bring to light what the problem truly is. I believe he’d be able to do it though. Slowly but surely. Eddie would get over the pills. That day would be absolutely wonderful.

Also, random additions: Eddie 100% just takes them without a drink; he still keeps the daily medication in them little pill tubs; his little beeper? a forever thing; also he probably takes them in alphabetical order.

Also, Sonia can suck my dick.

#uwu thank you #this is a mess of rambles lmao #again more information will probably pop up in random posts #ᴛᴀɢɢᴇᴅ → answered #▸ symptons ◂ :: meta #ᴛᴀɢɢᴇᴅ → out of character #anonymous

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get-fcking-reddie · 7 years

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Can you please write something where Eddie is a huge punk from when he reveled after the whole placebo thing and Richie never got out of his Hawaiian fase, cause nobody every writes stuff like this.

So, I pictured all of them wearing some horrible 90s clothing in this. :p

“You’re not seriously wearing that tonight, are you?” Beverly groaned when she saw

Richie had never been into fashion. Not because he thought he was too cool to keep track of trends; he knew exactly which songs were in the top 40 or which movies were playing at the cinema that week. He just had no idea what would look good on him and what wouldn’t. He had never really dared to venture beyond his iconic Hawaii shirts much to Beverly’s dismay. Most people assumed that he wore them ironically and Richie decided to roll with that. It was easier to pretend that he dressed like a walking disaster on purpose than to actual make an effort to look good and fail.

“You’re not seriously wearing that to the party, are you?” Beverly groaned when she saw Richie’s outfit of choice. He was wearing an orange hawaii shirt underneath a pink and blue neon coloured windbreaker, and some baggy jeans.

“What do you mean? I look fly as fuck!” Richie said, flexing his non-existent muscles. He looked at Stan for support, but he just rolled his eyes. Stan wasn’t exactly one to talk either. He just wore slacks and button-ups, because those never went out of style.

“What about this whole thing says ‘underground rave’ to you?” Beverly asked. Now Richie had been waiting for this question, so he stomped his feet with a smug look on his face and his sneakers lit up. Bevelry sighed and rolled her head back. “They’re never gonna invite us again.”

“Why do you care so much about these punks anyway?” Richie asked.

“Because the punk scene is blowing up and as a fashion major I need to be on top of that before it goes mainstream.”

“Whatever, Cindy Lauper, let’s just go.”

The party was a half hour drive out of town in an abandoned warehouse. The city was going to tear it down next week, so no one really cared if a bunch of college students started the job for them.

They were definitely not the first people there and even the parking lot was crawling with people. Richie saw a lot of leather, piercings, studs, and multi-coloured hair. He could hear the familar sound of shredding guitar tearing through the warehouse.

“Here is the plan, guys, we need to divide and conquer.” Richie said, draping his arms over Stan and Bev’s shoulders. “Bev, you’ve got Haystack waiting at home, so you’re strictly going after those fashion tips, but Stanny and I need to get laid because it’s been a while.”

“Speak for yourself.” Stan snorted.

“Foreign chicks don’t count, Staniel, that’s too easy. They don’t speak a word of English and all they want is some all-american cock.”

“Lori is Canadian, you dickweed.”

“Exactly.”

“Okay, that’s enough you two.” Beverly interjected before Richie really managed to rile Stan up. “Sounds like both of you could use some action tonight. We’ll split up and mingle. Meet me on the dancefloor if you’re lonely.”

She winked at the boys and disappeared into the crowd of punks. Richie admired how Bev managed to look at home wherever she went.

“I bet you ten bucks that I can get more phone numbers tonight.” Richie said, and a slow smirk made its way onto Stan’s face. He was never one to back down from a bet.

“Twenty.”

The two boys shook hands and then went their separate ways. Stan went into the direction of the stage while Richie walked over to the improvised bar.

He tried to start a conversation with several girls and boys that went to get drinks, but most of them gave him one look and ignored him. He guessed that Bev had been right about the outfit. Maybe he was able to get away with it on campus where he was generally seen as the class clown anyway, but here he just stuck out like a sore thumb. After a particular nasty glance from a girl with a purple mohawk, Richie decided that he had had enough for now. He supposed he was going to have to pay Stan twenty bucks after tonight. Fuck.

Richie didn’t want to spend more money on overpriced beer that wasn’t even cooled, so he decided to go for a smoke. Maybe he was able to chat someone up if there wasn’t a band playing over him. Talking was his strong suit anyway when it came to picking up guys and girls.

The evening air was chilly and he wished he hadn’t left his windbreaker in the car. His shirt didn’t offer much protection against the cold. Richie rubbed his arms as he looked around for a friendly face. He noticed a boy smoking by himself in black jeans with chains on it and a studded leather jacket.

“Got a light?” Richie asked, fishing a cigarette out of his pocket. The boy fumbled around for his lighter a bit and then turned around to help Richie.

“Here you go.” He said, moving to light Richie’s cigarette that was hanging from his lips. In the dim light of the fire, Richie could see the boy’s hazel eyes and the freckles on his nose. No matter the spiked up hair, or the smudged eyeliner, or the cross dangling from his right earlobe, he knew that face through and through.

“Eddie?”

The cigarette fell from his lips and was quickly forgotten.

“Richie.” Eddie’s face lit up but then went serious again as he looked at his beaten-up boots.

“I can’t believe you’re here too! And you smoke? Since when did that happen? And when did all of the rest happen?” Richie said, gesturing wildly at the clothes Eddie was wearing.

“Since college I guess. I got away from my mom and I found out my medication was all bullshit. I don’t even have fucking ashtma, never had. I guess I wanted to change after that, to take some risks and really live, you know?” Eddie ran a hand through his spiked-up hair and shrugged sheepishly.“You would have known if we had stayed in touch.

Richie felt a sting in his heart. He hated that the losers club had split up. They all knew that it would be hard to stay in touch after they moved away to different colleges. But, he didn’t think any of them could have predicted that that summer would be the last time they saw each other. He only talked to Bev, Stan, and Ben because they went to the same university.

“I’m really sorry about that…”

“Don’t be, it’s my fault too.” Eddie scuffed his shoes.

Richie rubbed his arms again. He felt the cold air sneak up the thin sleeves of his shirt and shivered.

“Here, take my jacket.” Eddie said, and after some light protest Richie put it on. It smelled exactly the same as Eddie had done in high school although there was a hint of smoke too now.

“You look exactly the same.” Eddie smiled, eyeing Richie’s outfit and making him blush a little.

“Can’t improve on perfection, right?” Richie joked. It sounded a little self-concious but if Eddie had noticed it he wasn’t showing it.

“I guess not.” He grinned. “Here, have a smoke, maybe it’ll warm you up.”

Richie never thought he’d see the day that Eddie Kaspbrak would offer him a cigarette, but here he was. They smoked in silence for a little bit. Richie found himself inhaling the scent of Eddie’s jacket and he just hoped he didn’t notice it.

“Man, I never pegged you for a punk, Eds.” He said, his eyes fixed on the moon and stars above them

“I didn’t either until I met some on campus. They’re really nice and accepting of… well of me being gay.”

Richie’s heart skipped a beat and he raised his eyebrows at Eddie. Eddie shrugged again, his eyes meeting Richie’s for a second before he looked away.

“I guess that’s new for you too.”

“If I had known, I would have asked you out long ago.” Maybe it was the couple of beers he already had, or the way the moonlight was reflected in Eddie’s hazel eyes, but Richie just blurted it out.

“Shut up.” Eddie chuckled and he gave Richie a light shove.

“No, I’m serious. I had the biggest crush on you in school.”

Richie expected Eddie to laugh again or the brush it off, but he didn’t do either of those things.

“And how do you feel now?” Eddie’s voice was calm, but his eyes were scanning Richie’s face for any sign that this was a mean joke.

“I don’t think I’ve ever really gotten over it.”

Eddie dropped his cigarette bud which landed in a puddle. He locked eyes with Richie and let his hand run across his chest. Then he grabbed the front of Richie’s shirt and pulled him down in a kiss.

Eddie licked into his mouth and Richie shivered a little when he felt something metal brush against his tongue.

“Do you have a tongue piercing?” Richie asked, pulling away from the kiss for a second.

“Oh there’s so much that you don’t know about me.”

“Fuck, Eds.” Richie moaned as he was dragged into another kiss.

He felt his knees go weak as Eddie pulled his hair, and it didn’t last long before they were practically grinding against each other. Their kisses were hot and sloppy. Eddie pulled at Richie’s bottom lip with his teeth before biting several marks onto his neck. Meanwhile Richie was moaning Eddie’s name and he couldn’t care less if people noticed them,

Stan may have won the bet that night, but Richie won the jackpot.

#reddie #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #richie x eddie #eddie x richie #punk!eddie #neon!richie #mine #it #itmovie #it2017

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ddproductionsw77 · 7 years

Text

The Break-Up of ‘94

Fandom: IT (2017)

Pairing(s): (Main) Reddie (Richie Tozier x Eddie Kaspbrak)

Characters: Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier, Beverly Marsh, Mike Hanlon, (Mentions of) Ben Hanscom, Bill Denbrough, and Stan Uris

Rating: T

Description: Was it his fault? Was it Richie’s? So much had been screamed and yelled that Eddie couldn’t quite pinpoint the moment everything went too far, even now playing it all back after Richie had left… All Eddie knew now was that he and Richie were really over and he felt like he couldn’t breathe. (Reddie)

Author’s Note: If you’ve read my ‘Work Days Are Long Without You’ fic... Here’s the Break-Up of ‘94 ya’ll. If you haven’t read ‘Work Days Are Long Without You’… you should, lol.

Was it his fault?

Was it Richie’s?

So much had been screamed and yelled that Eddie couldn’t quite pinpoint the moment everything went too far, even now playing it all back after Richie had left…

All Eddie knew now was that he and Richie were really over and he felt like he couldn’t breathe.

Fuck, he couldn’t breathe. His lungs clenched painfully in his chest and he heard every inhale and exhale whistle out from his restricted windpipe. He was having an asthma attack. He was going to die. He was really going to die. Tears prickled his eyes and he clutched the sheets he was laying on, trying to focus.

Flipping frantically to his side, Eddie brought his knees up to his chest and tried to slow his breaths.

You’re not dying, dumbass. You’re not even having an asthma attack. Your asthma was bullshit, remember? You’ve known that since you were 13-years-old. No, you’re having a panic attack because— because...

Because Richie didn’t know if he wanted you anymore.

That thought did not help. In fact, it made Eddie lose track of any progress he had made in calming himself. He gasped and a sharp pain zipped through his chest, making him squeeze his eyes shut. His hands came up to grasp the side of his head, which was beginning to pound from the lack of oxygen. Maybe he really was going to die...

Jolting up, Eddie catapulted from his bed, away from his pillows that still smelled so strongly of nicotine and cheap cologne. Once he was done dying, he would have to scrub down every surface in his bedroom that Richie had every touched and wash every sheet, pillowcase, and comforter they’d ever shared.

With trembling, frantic fingers, Eddie wrenched open the bottom drawer of his desk. He pushed aside discarded scraps of paper and stationary supplies, searching for his old inhaler that he had managed to go without for the last four years.

He couldn’t find it and remembered with a sudden twist of nausea that Richie had persuaded him to toss it off the fucking Kissing Bridge as a stupid New Years Resolution back in Sophomore year. So fucking dumb, he realized only now that he was beginning to get tunnel vision.

With no other option, Eddie scrambled to his door and managed to throw himself down the stairs to the living room.

His mother sat in her usual armchair, knitting in her hands and eyes trained on the television behind thick glasses. She looked up from whatever reality show she was watching as Eddie crashed into the room, gripping the door frame and wheezing. In an instant, she was on her feet and rushing toward him.

“Eddie?!” Sonia gasped, desperately. “What’s wrong?! Are you having an asthma attack?!”

No, you fucking know that I’m not because you know, just like I do, that that was bullshit, Eddie thought but nodded anyway, not able to catch his breath enough to find words for her.

Her hand flew to her mouth and her other clutched his shoulder painfully as she dragged him into the kitchen. Throwing open a cabinet, she took out an untouched inhaler and tore the cap off.

Sonia shoved the aspirator toward her son’s lips and Eddie took it without any resistance. He pressed down on the trigger and greedily inhaled the medicinal water. Logically, he still knew that the inhaler was just a placebo, that it was doing shit all to actually help him, and yet he still felt his lungs begin to expand.

His mother reached out and made him take another dose.

Pulling the inhaler away, Eddie practically collapsed against the counter and dropped his head into his hands. His whole body shook like a leaf as he focused on leveling his breath. Fisting his hands in his hair, he bit down hard on his lip to try and keep the sobs crawling up his throat at bay.

A hand rested against his back and he flinched away, moving back until he was out of his mother’s reach.

Eddie didn’t want her comfort, not over Richie, not when he knew she’d just say that she’d told him so. She’d fucking told him so many damn times.

He’d never listened, maybe he should have.

Maybe it wouldn’t hurt so much now if he had…

“Eddie Bear, talk to me. What happened? It’s been so long since you’ve… recognized that you still need your inhaler.” Sonia asked, sounding as if she was genuinely concerned. Honestly, she might have been but Eddie could never really tell when it came to his mother.

He shook his head, eyes watering. He prayed she’d just think his teary state was due to his attack. He couldn’t talk to her and he didn’t want to. Even if he had, he didn’t have an answer for her. He didn’t even fucking know what had happened…

(An Hour Ago)

Eddie pulled Richie closer to him, playing absentmindedly with the hair at the nape of his boyfriend’s neck. That was where the messy curls were the softest, like feathers in Eddie’s fingers. Besides, he knew Richie was a sucker for having his hair played with…or pulled under different circumstances.

But they were not currently under those different circumstances. No, they were just together.

The room was filled with the soft lull of ‘The Winner Takes It All’ by ABBA, just because it was on one of Eddie’s favorite albums and not because he was really in the mood for it. Later, he would find that ironic, but at the time everything had felt so normal.

Being with Richie after school, the other boy in his bed with his eyes closed, looking carefree and content like always, long fingers tracing patterns across Eddie’s chest and torso over the fabric of his soft yellow t-shirt. It had felt so natural.

Richie shifted above him before sitting up, “Your mom home?”

“I doubt it,” Eddie answered, checking his watch. “She only just got off work, so we should have a half hour until she’s back.”

“Fuck yeah,” Richie grinned, moving to hover over Eddie. He quickly leaned down to peck the shorter boy’s lips before slipping off the bed. “I’m starving and I happen to know where Mrs. K keeps the good stuff. Want anything?”

Eddie rolled his eyes, sitting up on his elbows, “I’m good, Trashmouth.” He looked thoughtful for a moment before calling after his boyfriend, “Nothing with peanut butter! It is actually worse than kissing you right after you smoke!”

He heard a laugh out in the hall as a response.

“Fucker,” Eddie muttered, sitting up fully. He spied Richie’s backpack on the floor, propped up against his bookshelf. “Hey, you got your Pre-Calc test back today, right? How’d you do? We did study all last Saturday!”

Only silence answered him and he shrugged, getting up and grabbing the bag. Setting it on his desk, he unzipped the largest pocket and rolled his eyes in endearment at the mess inside. It was likely one of the crumpled balls of paper actually was Richie’s test.

He paused, brow creasing when he noticed a single envelope among the chaos that looked as if it had actually been handled with care.

Eddie reached for it, pulling it from the bag without a single thought for the Pre-Calc test left. Raising the envelope to eye level, he read in bold letters that the post was from The University of California, Los Angeles and clearly addressed to Richard Tozier.

When the fuck had Richie heard from UCLA? And why would he be packing away letters from them when they’d already agreed on going to NYU together? They’d been accepted together and they’d sent in their letters of intent.

Heart racing, Eddie found where the letter had been previously opened and snatched out the paper from within. Nearly tearing it, he unfolded it and tried to read despite how his hands were suddenly shaking.

Dear Mr. Tozier,

We are pleased to inform you what you have been accepted to join us here at UCLA in the coming fall! We encourage you to please send in your letter of intent as soon as possible as we only have so many spots on our campus for bright, young student such as yourself…

The letter droned on but Eddie could read no further, numbly taking a seat at his desk.

Richie had applied to UCLA? And he hadn’t even told Eddie? But… But they were going to NYU together... weren’t they?

Eddie’s bedroom door slammed back open and Richie came crashing in with his usual grin in place. “Okay, so, I know you said no peanut butter but, baby, I found your mom’s Reese’s stash and Reese’s are better than sex, I swear, so I couldn’t just not— What the fuck happened to you?”

Eddie slowly looked up from the floor to meet Richie’s now perplexed eyes. He held up the letter that was still in his hand, “You applied to UCLA?”

Richie’s shoulders fell and he looked away, rubbing the back of his neck. “Oh, yeah, about that—”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Eddie cut him off, standing up. “And why would you apply at all? The plan is New York, Richie, remember? NYU with Bev, Bill, and Stan? And Ben and Mike are going to Columbia… I thought that’s what we all agreed on, what we all wanted…”

Richie remained silent, staring at his feet.

Eddie tried again, “Rich, talk to me. I’m just confused. Why did you apply to a school in Los Angeles? And why didn’t you fucking tell me?”

Richie shrugged, “I don’t know.”

“Bullshit,” Eddie snapped, anger now building within him. “That’s bullshit and you know. So, fucking answer me.”

“I don’t know, Eddie! I just did it! So fucking what?” Richie snapped, obviously getting riled up as well.

Eddie didn’t care, hammering on, “So, UCLA is over 2,300 miles away from New York, asshole! You know, the place where I’m going to be? Where you said you’d be, too? Ring any bells?”

“Yeah, it does actually since you never fucking shut up about it!” Richie said in a tone that was on the verge of yelling.

Eddie flushed red, “Yeah, dumbass, because I’ve wanted to go to NYU since I was 14! You’ve never even mentioned UCLA to me! Not once! And why are you keeping this?” He waved the letter in the air, “You already sent in your letter of intent to NYU!”

Richie grew silent again, taking a step back and refusing once again to meet Eddie’s gaze.

He felt like he was on fire and not the good burning feeling he was used to getting around Richie. No, this was a fire that made him shake and see everything in shades of red. Eddie spoke, dangerously low, “You didn’t send your letter, did you?”

There was a long pause before Richie finally shook his head.

“But you told me—“ Eddie cut himself off, a sickening feeling twisting in his stomach.

“Goddammit, Richie! So, not only have you been keeping things from me but you lied to my fucking face, too! What the hell is wrong with you?” Eddie yelled, throwing the stupid appearance letter at his boyfriend.

Richie swatted it away, his rage seemingly reignited, “What the hell is wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with you, Eds? Because at least I didn’t try to trap you in some bullshit plan that you didn’t even know if you wanted a part of!”

Eddie choked, feeling as if he’d been socked in the stomach. When he finally spoke, his voice was aghast, “T-trap? You feel trapped with me?”

His boyfriend sighed, running a hand down his face, “That’s not what I meant.”

“That’s what you said,” Eddie countered.

“Dammit, Eddie—“ “So, what? You don’t want to go to NYU, you’ve made that abundantly clear! So, what about me?”

“What about you?” Richie sighed, sounding incredibly annoyed.

“Do—do you even want to be with me anymore? I wouldn’t want you to feel trapped or anything.” Eddie used Richie’s words right back against him, wanting to jab and cut like he’d been jabbed and cut.

Richie gulped, “What you fuck are you talking about, Eds? You know that I...”

“That you love me? You’ve said it before, yeah, but that’s not what I asked,” Eddie’s voice shook a little and he sounded breathless. “Do you still want to be with me, Richie, or not?”

“Eddie, come on,” Richie practically pleaded, “I— I don’t know, okay? It just seems stupid to plan our whole futures around each other! We’re fucking 18, for shits sake!”

“And I’ve been in love with you since the sixth grade,” Eddie whispered, looking up at his bedroom light and hoping it would stop the tears he could feel burning behind his eyes. He raised his voice again, “I do know. I want to plan my future around you, Richie! And you— you don’t?!”

Richie shrugged and suddenly Eddie wanted him to hurt. He wanted Richie to express some kind of real emotion because Eddie was standing there feeling too raw and pained and Richie was acting like he didn’t feel a fucking thing.

“You don’t know? After everything we’ve been through, after you just said you love me, after all the nights I have given you my time and shared my bed, after all the bullshit I have taken from you over the years, YOU DON’T KNOW?!” Eddie ended in a roar.

“I FUCKING GUESS SO!” Richie screamed back, making his glasses go a bit askew on his nose.

Eddie glared at him, hard, before speaking up once again, “Fine then, I’m done. I’m done with all of it, I’m done with us, and most of all I am done with you. Get out.”

Richie froze and Eddie swore the boy stopped breathing for a moment as his face paled to the same complexion of a ghost. He began sputtering with wide eyes, “Eddie, wait, no, just— just, wait, okay? Please, baby, we can figure this out—“

“Nothing to figure out,” Eddie said, his voice emotionless as he shook his head. “This — you and me — we’re over, Richie. Get. Out.”

So… was it his fault?

Was it Eddie’s?

Everything had been fine and then it just wasn’t.

Richie wanted to fix what had been broken but he didn’t know how. Would Eddie even want him to try? Shit, he’d never felt like more of a complete fuck-up than he did as he numbly wandered around the streets of Derry as the sun set in shades of pink on the horizon.

It was getting dark and streetlights were flickering to life above his head and he had nowhere to go.

He hadn’t slept in his own bed in his own house since… Fuck, he didn’t even know when. Why would he ever need to sleep at home when Eddie’s window was always unlocked just for him?

He couldn’t even remember all the times he had slipped in only after seeing Mrs. K’s bedroom light shut off.

His boyfriend had never seemed offset or even surprised to see him; most of the time, he seemed borderline relieved. Richie often found him sitting on his bed, in his favorite comfy shorts and over-sized t-shirts — most of which had been stolen from Richie — with a tired smile on his face, a book in his lap, and a gleam in his eyes.

Richie would grin and say something stupid in greeting, usually something that made Eddie blush as he set his book aside — and that only made Richie nearly go into cardiac arrest. He was so cute when he blushed…

Sometimes, they would do… more productive activities… but most of the time Eddie would just sink down on to his back and wave Richie over. Richie would follow his direction for once in his life and slip into his spot between Eddie and the wall. Eddie would throw an arm around him and tuck his chin into Richie’s messy hair. Richie would close his eyes and rest his head where he could heart his boyfriend’s fluttering heartbeat until it lulled him to sleep.

But, none of what happened before mattered now. Richie was pretty fucking sure if he tried Eddie’s window at the moment, it’d be locked up tight. Maybe even nailed shut.

I’m done.

Richie squeezed his eyes shut, heart pounding in his chest.

I’m done with all of it—

He gulped, rolling his neck agitatedly.

—I’m done with us—

His throat seared as if he’d swallowed fire and he tried fruitlessly to clear it.

—and most of all, I am done with you.

Richie’s chest ached like an open wound as Eddie’s words continued to echo through his brain.

Get out.

This — you and me — we’re over…

Get. Out.

God fucking dammit, Richie didn’t even want to go to UCLA!

Not really. He just wanted away from his mother and father and he just hadn’t been thinking when he’d applied and he never thought he’d actually get in. That was really the only reason he hadn’t brought it up to Eddie, because why would he? It seemed pretty fucking pointless when he hadn’t thought he’d get in!

Do you still want to be with me, Richie, or not?

Eddie had sounded wounded and so scared. Richie was such a dick, he couldn’t even find the courage to tell Eddie that of fucking course, he still wanted to be with him! No, instead he had said he didn’t know.

Then, he’d only made matters worse by word vomiting just a few of his pent-up fears from the last few months onto Eddie’s loose, white socks.

His mother and father were high school sweethearts. Once upon a time, they’d probably even loved each other enough for Maggie to give up whatever future she had to be the pretty little housewife, to let herself get knocked-up with a son she’d end up regretting.

So, yeah, Eddie loved him now but what about months from now, when they were in shiny, bright New York? Or after they got out of college and Eddie wanted to go after a real career and stop dragging around Richie’s dead weight and excessive emotional baggage?

Richie had learned to bare his mother and father’s resentment of his existence; he didn’t think he’d survive Eddie’s.

Who knew?

Things were probably better this way, with him and Eddie going their separate ways now instead of later before they started to really not like each other anymore. This way perhaps they could eventually find a way to be friends again… Or at least not hate each other.

Aw, who the fuck was he kidding? From the hurt, anger, and betrayal in those gorgeous brown eyes with he’d told Richie to fuck off, Eddie Kaspbrak was already well on his way to hating the Trashmouth.

FUCK, why, why, why couldn’t he just fucking talk to Eddie? Why was he so fucking terrified of just being… well, honest?

Because when you spill your guts, they don’t go back in. That was why.

You couldn’t unsay the dumb shit you’d yelled. You couldn’t unadmit the feelings you’d confessed. Once it was all out, filling the air with its toxicity that was it. There was no just kidding, man or do-over. You couldn’t fucking take it back.

So, instead the asshole just kept cracking shit jokes, like nothing mattered, like nothing touched him, like nothing scared him… But it did. Actually, everything did. Under the facade, Richie was scared beyond shitless and now he’d gone and fucked it up with the one person who ever made him feel even the slightest bit capable or brave.

Why did he say he didn’t know?

Balling his hands into fists, the tension in Richie’s shoulder loosened just a bit as he felt the blissfully distracting bite of his nails into his palms. It dulled the ache in his chest a bit.

Richie stopped short in the middle of the road.

Somehow, he’d wandered his way to Beverly’s Aunt Carol’s house. He saw Bevvie’s light was still on and slowly moved up the walk to the front door. Reaching it, he raised his hand and knocked with numb knuckles.

After a long moment, the door creaked open and light spilled out.

Beverly stood there in her knee-length nightgown and pastel purple silk robe, bunny slippers on her pedicured feet. She rubbed her eyes, a pretty smile splitting across her face.

“Richie!”

It quickly faded, though, as she took in his anxious and disheveled appearance, “Whoa, whoa, what’s wrong?”

“I, uh,” He swallowed hard, “I need a place to stay for the night. Ya mind, Molly Ringwald?”

Bev’s smirked, playfully, “Eddie finally got tired of you?”

Richie’s stomach dropped at Bev’s harmless joke. Logically, he knew that she didn’t know any better, that she wasn’t trying to hurt him. Still, his eyes started to water and he shoved his palms into them, throat burning again.

Clearing his throat, he half-heartedly shrugged, “I guess, you could say that.”

Beverly looked perplexed as the silence stretched before them and Richie seemed to be searching for something more to say.

“He broke up with me.”

“Oh my God,” Bev gasped, eyes widening as a hand few to cover her mouth.

Suddenly, she threw a hand out, grasping his wrist and tugging him into her arms. Instinctually, Richie’s hugged her back, wrapping his arms around her waist and stooping to bury his face in her fiery locks. They held each other and rocked on Beverly’s porch for a long time before she slipped back to take up his hand.

Leading him back to her room, Bev sat Richie on the bed and pulled his bangs back from his forehead, tilting his chin up toward her and forcing him to meet her pale blue eyes.

“Richie, what happened?” She asked, her melodious voice soft and delicate.

His vision blurred and he blinked rapidly, “I fucked up.”

Richie’s voice broke and Beverly watched, heartbreaking for him, as he seemed to crumble before her. His shoulders slumped and the nearly ever-present quirk of his lips was gone. There was no mischievous glint in his dark eyes, only pooling tears.

Sighing, she relented and pulled his head to her chest, patting his hair, “Start at the beginning and tell me everything…”

The Losers couldn’t take it anymore.

It’d been a whole eight days since Richie Tozier and Eddie Kaspbrak had broken up and their best friends were made to suffer almost as much as the two boys themselves. But it was on the eighth day that the Losers reached their limit. It was an interaction in World History that had been the last straw.

Obviously, Richie and Eddie had to just deal with being in classes together. And they had, Eddie moving up to the front of any shared class as Richie slunk back into corners near the door. World History was one of these classes and one Bev and Mike both had as well.

Mrs. Maider had been droning on as usual about one of the World Wars when she’d stopped short, crossing her arms over her chest with an annoyed sigh. Her beady eyes zoned in on the back of the classroom as she called back, “Mr. Tozier?”

Out of old habits that he really needed to break now, Eddie spun in his seat and felt the air sweep from his lungs as he properly laid eyes on the boy he had loved — fuck it, still loved.

The first thing he noticed was how tired the bespectacled boy looked. Shadows like bruises gathered under his eyes and his skin looked paler than normal. Eddie’d always been the china doll between them because Richie was a fucking idiot who’d apparently never heard of skin cancer…

Eddie shook his head, clearing his thoughts, and realized that Richie must have fallen asleep. The impression of the folds in his hoodie sleeves was still red on his cheek and he looked a little bewildered as if Mrs. Maider’s call had startled him.

…He looked cute.

No, he doesn’t. Stop it!

“Mr. Tozier? Care to explain yourself?” She asked, shaking her head. “Honestly, why would you think it would be okay to catch-up on your beauty sleep in my classroom. You need this content for any college history course.”

Richie’s startled expression settled out to a smooth blank look. Leaning back in his chair, lazily, he sighed, “Well, I guess it’s good thing I don’t really give a fuck about college anymore, then, Mrs. M.”

Red splotches sprung up across the old woman’s face, “Excuse me, Mr. Tozier, you will not—“

“So, college, too, then?”

Eddie had called back before he could even think. Rage burned in his chest, hot, coiling, and desperate to lash out. All heads turned to him, including Richie’s. His eyes were as wide as saucers for a second before his eyebrows knit together.

Eddie figured he’d already made a scene and so pushed on to clear up any of his ex-boyfriend’s confusion. “You know, just another thing to add to your ‘I-don’t-give-a-fuck-about’ list?”

“Mr. Kaspbrak! I am absolutely appalled—“

“Oh, can it, Linda!” Richie snapped, jumping to his feet and slamming his hands down on his desk. He was clearly about to bite right back but was cut off by the teacher he’d only just told to shut up.

“THAT IS IT!” Mrs. Maider shrieked. “Out. Both of you! Now! You can go speak to Principal Pacer about your horrific conduct.”

Both boys glared daggers at one another breathing heavily for a long moment before Richie jerked back up to full attention and snatched up his backpack. He made for the door, flipping Mrs. Maider the bird as he shoved it open. A beat later, Eddie was up grabbing his things and cashing after the other boy.

They did not speak on the way to the office, they didn’t even look at each other.

They got detention. Not the worst, Eddie knew, but he was still not excited at the idea of having to explain to his mother. Then again, she’d probably cry tears of joy once she heard that the punishment was for yelling at Richie Tozier in class.

After school, as Eddie threw his textbooks into his locker, Mike stood beside him.

“Maybe, I don’t know, Eddie,” The born farmer boy sighed and leaning back against the closed locker next to his friend’s. “Maybe having detention with Richie will be a good thing?”

Eddie spun on him, looking horrified, “Please explain to me how that could ever be fucking true, Michael.”

“Because maybe you two will finally get your shit together and talk! If World History made anything plain to see, it was that you two still have a lot to say to each other.” Mike argued, never one to jump to anger and yet so fed up with his friends’ behaviors.

“I don’t want to talk to him.” Eddie snapped, slamming his locker shut. “And I don’t even know what you’re talking about, I have nothing else to say to him”

Mike snorted, “Three lies in one breath, Eddie. That’d be impressive even if you didn’t have breathing problems.”

“I’m not lying, Michael.” The short Junior glared off into nothingness before rolling his eyes and straightening, “I got to go. Detention.”

Just outside the double doors that Eddie passed on his way to Mrs. Maider’s classroom for his punishment, Richie stood with Beverly while sharing one last cigarette before he’d have to go back inside.

“What the fuck was he even talking about?!” Richie burst out after taking a long drag.

Beverly scuffed the toe of her untied work boot across the pavement and looked up to squint at her friend standing in the low, afternoon sun. Pushing her hair out of her face, she took the cigarette back, balancing it in her fingers without raising it to her lips yet.

“I think he was talking about you not, and I quote, ‘giving a fuck’,” She muttered, flicking off remaining ash.

“Yeah, well, that’s bullshit,” Richie growled, shoving his fists into his hoodie pockets. “It’s bullshit and it’s unfair. He knows that I—“ The boy stopped short, eyes darting away.

Beverly inhaled the sweet smoke of nicotine, releasing it into the atmosphere as she filled in the blank, “That you care about him?” She sighed, cocking her head to the side, “I don’t think he does, actually. I think that Eddie genuinely thinks you don’t give a shit about him anymore.”

Richie’s head shot up and he glared at her, “Watch yourself, Marsh.”

“I’m just saying think about it, Rich,” The girl held up a hand, cigarette hanging from the corner of her mouth as she rolled it between her teeth. Passing it back to her friend, she leaned back on the wall of the school. “If Ben and I fought, fought so bad that I got angry enough to say I wanted to end things, and then he just… let me? Well, I’d be inclined to think he must not have cared as much as I’d thought, too.”

“I didn’t just let him!” Richie said, defensively.

“Oh, really?” Beverly quirked an eyebrow. “And where was I when you actually tried to talk things through with him?”

“Fuck off, Marsh,” The boy hissed, taking a drag.

Beverly groaned and glanced at her watch. Standing up straight, she stepped up to Richie and took the cigarette right out of his mouth, stubbing it out on the sidewalk, “Yeah, yeah, keep it up and find a new place to sleep tonight. Now, get to detention, jackass.”

Eddie was already in his new normal seat in the front row when Richie arrived at Mrs. Maider’s class. The old bat was at her desk and sighed disappointedly when he came in and took his seat at the desk furthest from his ex.

“Mr. Tozier, you are late.”

“It’s five minutes.”

“Five minutes you can make up by coming in early tomorrow.”

Richie groaned and dropped his head on to his arms for a moment before nodding up at her, “Okay, whatever.”

“If you would just have good judgment, Mr. Tozier, then maybe you wouldn’t get yourself into these situations.” The World History teacher shook her head, woefully.

That familiar ache in his chest that’d been born in the moment Eddie had said it was over flared to life and Richie felt his throat tighten. Without his consent, his gaze flickered over to Eddie only to find the other boy watching him with a creased brow like he was waiting for Richie’s response.

Clearing his throat, Richie looked back down at his arms folded on his desk, “Think you might be barking up the wrong tree, Mrs. M. Good judgment isn’t really my thing.”

The teacher pinched her lips but said no more.

They sat in complete silence as Mrs. M graded papers, glancing up at them every few minutes. It was like she thought they’d actually try to pull one over on her or something. Even Richie wasn’t that fucking masochistic.

He was, however, apparently just masochistic enough to let himself keep sneaking looks at Eddie.

The boy was wearing jeans and a Mickey Mouse sweater two sizes too big for him that Richie knew full well he usually only wore to bed. His posture was rigid, awkward, and — Richie realized after a few lingering glances — defensive. What did he think Richie would try to throw blows now? Did he really think Richie would ever aim to hurt him?

Never once did he turn around or glance over his shoulder, though. He clearly didn’t ache to look like Richie did.

It was disorienting, not having Eddie as his focal point anymore like someone had thrown him from a moving train without any map or north star to lead him home. He couldn’t count the times in the last eight days that something had happened and the very first thing he’d thought to do was find Eddie to tell him.

You’re the first person I thought about going to.

Richie had said that to Eddie once, over a year ago, right before they’d confessed to liking each other — back when they still hadn’t admitted to even themselves that like had really been love. Their first kiss had been mere seconds after that because Richie had been unable to just say how he felt, the start of a bad habit maybe… For someone who used them so frequently, he really was shit at words.

He wondered if Eddie remembered that night, their beginning. If he thought about it as often as Richie had been lately, if he ached when he did, too.

About halfway through the hour, Mrs. Maider excused herself to run an errand in the library. She shuffled out, eyeing the boys suspiciously until the door finally closed behind her.

Richie slumped, dropping his chin onto his arms and casting his gaze back up to Eddie once again.

“Stop fucking staring at me, or I swear to God—“ Eddie growled suddenly, twisting around in his seat and stopping short upon seeing Richie jump and open his own mouth to speak. Eddie did not allow him, “I can feel it on the back of my neck. Cut it out.”

Eddie turned back to the front and Richie sat in stunned silence, considering his next move. Finally, he cleared his throat and called, calm and confidently, up to the other boy, “I don’t think I wanna cut it out. I happen to like staring at you. You’re just too damn—”

“Don’t.”

“You don’t even know what I was gonna say!”

“Actually, I do, asshole. You were going to call me ‘cute’ or ‘adorable’ or some other bullshit and I don’t want to hear it. Not today.”

“Tomorrow then?”

“Stop it, I’m serious.”

“And then again the day after that and the one after that and the—“ “Goddammit, Richie!” Eddie exclaimed, slamming his hands down on his desk and clutching the edges with white knuckles. Richie could hear his breath quicken. “Why can’t you just stop?! Beep beep, asshole. Beep fucking beep!”

When he got the last word out, Eddie took in a gasping breath and brought his hands up to drop his face into them. Richie’s heart clenched in his chest and he felt suddenly ashamed. He should just never open his Trashmouth again, it never helped him, it only screwed him over.

“Eds, I— I didn’t—“

“And now the nicknames, too? Are you trying to make me miserable?! Is that what you want? Because mission accomplished, I’m miserable, congratulations! Now please just stop fucking with me, okay?” Every other word was punctuated with a gasp as Richie felt tears burn behind his eyes.

He hadn’t been fucking with Eddie… he did want to tell him he was cute tomorrow and all the days after tomorrow. Fuck, he would settle for just wanted to talk to him again…

Eddie’s shoulders shook as he fumbled with his pocket. A second later he withdrew an inhaler and triggered it, his breathing calming after a second.

Richie watched, concern blossoming violently in the pit of his stomach. “Wh—why are you using that again?”

Eddie rubbing his forehead, looking at the floor. “Because I need it again.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I just have since…“ The break-up, it went unsaid.

“Oh,” Richie swallowed hard and sat up, leaning forward and nervously bouncing his knee. When Richie spoke, he himself could hear how gravelly his voice sounded, “I don’t want you to be miserable, by the way. I like it when” He paused and figured he had nothing to lose, Eddie already hated him, “I like it when you’re happy. I want you to be happy.”

Eddie looked back at him, his eyes an open book of distrust and reluctance. Finally, he looked at the ground and gripped a fist of dark locks along his hairline. He closed his eyes and Richie figured he would remain silent.

“I was happy.” The whisper barely reached Richie’s ears and his heart stopped for a moment as Eddie sat up with a long sigh and looked at him with tired eyes. “Before. With you.”

Every instinct in Richie’s body wanted to find something dumb to say, wanted to crack a joke about how Eddie only missed how Richie could get him off or something that wouldn’t mean anything. However, Richie’s heart only wanted Eddie and so he decided for once to speak from that.

“I was happy with you, too.”

“You weren’t.”

“I was.”

“So, why did you want to leave, then?”

Eddie’s eyes had yet to leave Richie’s since before and Richie felt the weight of his gaze like a pile of bricks on his chest. “I was freaked out and I fucked up.”

An eyebrow twitched downward and Eddie tilted his head to the side. “What were you afraid of? Was the idea of going to New York with me really that bad?”

“No, no! That’s not what I—“ Richie moaned and quickened the bouncing of his knee. “You weren’t what freaked me out, okay? More… the idea of you figuring out one day that I’m not worth it.”

“Worth what?”

“Anything, Eds. The effort, the time, the commitment, any of it. I’m not worth it.”

They both fell silent and Richie thought that was the real end of it. Now, Eddie knew his real reasons for everything. He would understand, realize Richie was right, and move on. He’d go to New York and he’d probably meet some other guy and it’d be great… and Richie would be okay because Eddie would be happy.

“You mean to tell me, that’s why you applied to UCLA? Because you were too much of a sissy to just talk to me about being scared of me — what?— thinking you were worthless?!” Eddie stood up and stomped down the rows of desks until he was standing right in front of Richie. “I’ve never thought that! And, newsflash, I was scared, too, but I figured it would all be okay because it’d be you and me!”

“And now there’s no you and me,” Richie muttered darkly, gloomily flickering his gaze away.

“I really wish that were true right now,” Eddie admitted before shaking his head, “But I’m pretty sure we both know it’s not.”

“You were the one who said—“

“I know what I said, dipshit, but look at us!” Eddie gestured between them. “It wouldn’t be like this if there was nothing here anymore! And I know that no matter how much I want to hate you, I don’t. I can’t because I still love you!”

In the year they’d been dating, Richie could count on his two hands how many times Eddie had actually said those three little words. They were harder for Eddie to spit out and Richie realized that early on. He’d never minded all that much; he didn’t need to be told when he was always shown.

Still hearing it in that moment, Richie could practically feel himself and Eddie clicking back together, like two puzzle pieces that had been knocked under the sofa and were now being reassembled.

Richie was suddenly stuttering and word vomiting, the words cascading out before he could stop them, his guts spilling across the floor, “I still love you, too, and I want there to still be a you and me and if you still want, I’ll to go to New York with you. I’d want to go anywhere with you, even a stupid fucking ABBA concert.”

One side of Eddie’s lips rose into a half smile and he gave a watery chuckle, “ABBA is actually amazing — That’s not the point; the point is you are more important to me than New York so if you want UCLA—“

“I don’t,” Richie stood as well, moving until he and Eddie were barely inches apart. “I just want you.”

Slowly, like he was a little spellbound, Eddie nodded. There was a sweet quirk in his lips and glint of endearment in his eyes that made Richie’s chest contract in the good way he was used to feeling around Eddie.

They’d been slowly inching closer and closer with each word and Eddie’s nose brushed Richie’s as he mumbled the last syllable. Their breath mingled and chapped lips ghosted over one as soft as velvet.

“I’m all in,” Richie said as both he and Eddie’s eye fluttered shut and their lips finally, finally connected. It was like taking a gulping lungful of air after breaking the surface. They seemed to fall into each other, sinking into the kiss and back into their rightful places in the cosmos which was wherever the other was.

Pulling away with ragged breath, Eddie pressed his forehead against Richie’s. “I am never breaking up with you again.”

“Well, thank fuck for that. Don’t know if I’d survive it twice, baby.”

“Richie?”

“Hmm?”

“I know I don’t tell you enough but I do love you.”

Richie’s eyes opened to Eddie’s, looking at him worriedly. He leaned down and kissed the other boy once again, hard and quick and beautifully. “You don’t have to. I know and I love you, too, Eddie Spaghetti.”

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