#plain!juliette

[emptymasks]

After years of saying I will make cute lil chibi European musical stickers I have finally done it! Forgive me for drawing more Der Tod's than any other character, I'm biased towards him. Hopefully I covered most of everyone's favourite Euro musicals.

They're spread across 2 listings because Etsy only lets you have a max of 70 options in the drop down. Volume 1 has German and Dutch musicals and volume 2 has French and Russian musicals.

All the musicals here: 3 Musketiers / 3 Musketiere, The Count of Monte Cristo / Der Graf von Monte Cristo, Der Besuch der Alten Dame, Elisabeth das Musical, Demon Onegin, The Last Trial, Ludwig2, Master and Margarita, Mozart das Musical, Mozart l'Opéra Rock, Notre Dame de Paris, Rebecca das Musical, Roméo et Juliette, Rudolf Affaire Mayerling, Schikaneder, Tanz der Vampire, Vivaldi.

I can’t link to my Etsy without risking Tumblr hiding the post from tag search results, but the link is in my pinned post, my carrd, I’m emptymasks on Etsy. Reblogs help support artists more than likes ❤️

[ID: Individual pixel art chibi drawings of 70 characters from various European musicals (listed above) that are available as stickers. These drawings are also available as badges where they are placed inside circles to show what they will look like as physical button badges, some of them with plain colour backgrounds and some with 1-3 different pride flags as examples of how you can customise the backgrounds.]

[baudouinette]

Art log: old, unfinished projects… once again

Warning: long post, lots of yapping

another oldish project that I wanted to do in a KCD (Kingdom Come Deliverance) style. I have a very clear vision of the horse’s pose and his too, but… I can’t find a reference for it. (I might make it a palomino in this one btw!) Nowadays I’m leaving references behind for the most part, but for horses I’m not at that stage yet lol. // I also wanna draw him in joust in another art even if he can’t partake, just because I love the aesthetic of it 😅

The text is from the letter to Constance of France because I love that intro, but I’m still thinking of what to add next.

•The sword is the basic one I drafted over a year ago, looking at the one from the movie, looking at period-accurate references, then adding my favorite guard which is similar to the movie one but stylized to my imagination, and basing the grip on the movie too. There’s not really much to it, because there’s only so much you can do without straying from accuracy.*** But I always have to go back for measurements/dimensions for example, just to make sure (for example, i have to shorten the fuller a little). I still need to get used to drawing them effortlessly. I sometimes want to just change the guard a little (I like to make curved guards most of the time but I’m partial to straight ones too), or add stuff to it like little inscriptions or very few gems. Obv in the pommel I always add the cross, but on the other side I may add a fleur de Lis too sometimes. Especially with a ceremonial sword such as this one, he needs to be fully represented with his emblems.

***There are other “options” but they seem too simple for a king. But I do love them for knights. My OC Juliette/Julius will have a pretty plain sword for the most part, by the nature of the Order. Tho… she might acquire a bit of a nicer one along the way ;) (this is still super raw and quickly sketched so ignore the errors and goofiness. But I really like her and I think I hadn’t shared any concept or art of her yet)

I remember the first time I watched the movie and the swords were the first thing I (and I think everyone) noticed even tho I was a kid, and then talking about it in high school years w friends in a crusades groupchat like 🤓🤓😅😅😅 (some are actually ok? Funnily though, it’s some of the extra props. You’d think giving the King an accurate one would be priority)

•I have various versions for different stories (or not tied to stories at all) but in each I always give him two (“twins”): the battle-ready one and the ceremonial one. The ceremonial is technically battle ready too, but it’s got its own place and reserved for… you got it, ceremonies, and knighting, and imparting justice—hence why this particular one in the first image (name pending) has the inscription “Iudicium in Terra”, and why it’s so golden (more pure gold and expensive materials). Sometimes, I think of a heirloom sword for him too, that carries a lot of meaning. It was normal for royals to have more than one sword.

(art WIP) •The one from HCW says “Benedic et sanctifica hanc gladium cum tua serenissima pace et voluntate.” Baldwin calls this one Pais Sereine, and Sereine alone as a nickname for the battle-ready counterpart to set them apart. However, I'm not happy w the way it looks here, too similar to those exaggerated fake Templar swords that I hate. How did I draw something similar to something I hate? Makes no sense. I really should also design the Andalusi swords of the Al Jazirah family and guardsmen (bc Andalusi swords are so pretty and interesting!), as well as my concept for Saladin, etc etc.

I might buy Nomad Sculpt to sculpt all my “assets” for fun and for practice for my game dev journey. I’ve always had Blender but I need to work straight on a screen, so I’d rather work on iPad for sculpting, then for anything that needs rigging, hopping to Blender. I could make Baldwin’s “exact” sword from the movie but with accurate proportions and mod it into a game like Skyrim for funsies. I wanted to mod the mask into it too, and into Fallout for my ghoul-loving gang <3

And here’s another old concept:

JFK as King Arthur (in a non-fantasy way and w some accuracy lolol)

For Excalibur, this is just an interpretation with creative liberty in mind. The guard is supposed to have beast heads, like dragons or lions, so it’s fun to base it on Charlemagne’s for that. The pommel of Joyeuse (Charlemagne’s, although this sword is also legendary) is an Oakeshott type B or B1, supposedly the blade a slender Oakeshott type XII. Yes, this is more contemporary to his time, so I wouldn’t give him that blade, as I would for some of the crusaders n Baldwin. You can’t see the whole blade in the drawing so I’d leave it like that and not put much more thought into it. I could give him a late Roman-type spatha, but I’m also not sure, I can’t imagine Excalibur in that way for some reason, the blades are short and I imagine Excalibur a little more formidable (but I also don’t imagine that enormous, overcharged, super inscribed sword they always give him that makes no sense 💀). Although I did shorten the guard just a little to make it a bit more “accurate” and I should shorten the grip too. I might still change it into a spatha after all, if I continue it 😂😂

•I chose Romano-brit scale armor. I still had to add the pteruges (sturdy strips in the armor, typical of Greek and Roman). His shield would have a small religious icon. I in part use JFOliveras’ (who does give him a spatha) work as reference for many of my general historical works. Because he uses his references from real art from the eras, as do I. But he can sometimes help interpret many of the specific, hard to understand parts.

•I just… abandoned this because I didn’t like it, it wasn’t the vision I had, and now my skills are better over a year later. I thought of adapting it to a similar composition as the one above.

•For those not into JFK, the Camelot musical was his and Jackie’s favorite, and they played the record basically each night “before they drifted to sleep upon their cot”. And it’s also the name of their administration. Since it was more like a royal one than a presidential one. I always wanted to draw him as Arthur (and not Lancelot. Even tho his code name was Lancer.)

Speaking of sword names, I think El Cid’s la Tizona/tizón is pretty cool.

In the series Isabel they show the inscription to be “Ave Maria gratia plena Dominus tecum”. He had another one called Colada, for “cast steel”, but colada also means laundry in Spanish so I can’t shake that off 😂 Titionem would be cool as a sword name, buuuut I refuse any word that starts with “tit” LMAO or anything that can be joked about (“Taeda” could serve as a substitute tho). I thought of a Greek word too, then decided against it because it started with “dik”. A sword name that sounds like d1ck… yeah, no. 💀

⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️⚜️

////I had this post in my drafts (just added the newer art from HCW and of Juliette from Vide Cor Meum, and have other posts like this but they always remain there because I assume people don’t wanna read so much text (yapping, basically). A lot of times I cut out text from my posts and explanations because I’d rather people read a resumed version even if it doesn’t contain all info, specific terminology, or my full lore, than ppl seeing so much text and just not reading any of it, not even the beginning. ☝🏼🤓 but I know there are others who would. Would anyone also like to hear about other medieval weapons, siege weapons, languages, garments and armor, specifically chain mail (a hyperfixaton ⛓️), strategies, formations, diplomacy, instruments, music and dances, horses and horse riding and riding with ur legs and…? 🤓🤓🤓🤓 I will go bonkers even about super specific stuff like girdles/belts (I have a hyperfixation w them too 😂👉🏼👈🏼)

My brother is also a nerd (about everything) but since he’s done sword fighting for filmed media, I always make a point to ask his opinion about my swords and he’s like 🙂‍↕️👍🏼 , so we ballin’

Can’t wait to afford a real sword and duel him. Although he might lend me his Amazigh sword if he buys another one of those, he’s not happy with the current one, and we could try with that. Tho obviously I want to use western swords with western martial arts.⚔️��️⚔️

EDIT: oh!!! And I have this three way mirror that I was gonna use to paint a Christian triptych. But i may make one dedicated to phases of Baldwin’s life in medieval art style. I would include religious imagery too, but yeah more focused on him.

[arsenal-womens-1]

I see you in my reflection part 2

Tw: guns school shooting death blood self harm description of death murder panic attack if there’s any I’ve missed sorry

“The bravest thing I ever did was continue my life when I wanted to die.” — Juliette Lewis

“If you love someone, you say it. You say it right then, out loud. Otherwise, the moment just passes you by.” — Mark Sloan

Six hours later, you are on your way back to Leah's. It was just going to be Beth, Viv, you, and Leah having dinner tonight after you’re planning on watching a movie called *The Fallout*. You have no clue what it’s about, but it’s apparently meant to be good. It’s cold outside, not too cold, but still cold. The car comes to a stop. Finally, you get out of the car and run to the door. Leah walks up the stairs as slowly as possible, finally opening the door. You run in, running straight to the kitchen. Leah had agreed to let you help with dinner. It’s called marry me chicken. It takes about 45 minutes to cook.

“Right, get all the ingredients out, and we can start cooking,” Leah says, pulling out all the ingredients: 30 g of plain flour, 4 chicken breasts, 125 g sundried tomatoes in oil (drained and roughly chopped), 3 tbsp oil (reserved), 1 red onion (finely chopped), 3 garlic cloves (crushed or finely grated), ½ - 1 tsp chili flakes (to taste), 2-3 thyme or oregano sprigs (leaves picked), or 1 tsp mixed dried herbs, 150 ml of double cream, 250 ml of chicken stock, 35 g parmesan (grated), 8-10 basil leaves (torn), and lemon wedges.

Halfway through making it, there is a knock at the door before Leah can say anything. You run to the door. Beth and Viv are just standing there. “Come in,” you say, taking off their shoes and coats. You all walk back into the kitchen where Leah is still doing stuff for the food. “How was media day?” You just shrug your shoulders at that.

“Boring, mainly they all ask the same question, just in a different way,” you reply. Beth and Vivian just shake their heads. You have said multiple times that you don’t like media days. This is only the second one you’ve done, but you still have the same opinion: “Yeah, they do that a lot apart from a few, and since you couldn’t do any work today, you need to do a bit more tomorrow.” The only downside of living with Beth and Vivian is that they make you do schoolwork. It’s the most boring thing.“What if I don’t do any more schoolwork?” you ask.

Viv loses it at your shoes, saying that no matter what you are doing, the work is still there.

You just accept your fate. “Can someone call my phone? I’ve lost it. It’s aging.” Leah holds your phone up and says, “Thank you.” Opening your phone, there is a text from your dad.

Dad:

“Hey kid, I know we haven’t spoken in a bit, but I thought I would text you and see how you are doing. Also, Max and Missy want to know if you are going to be home this summer for their birthday.”

You:

“Hey Dad, I’m doing good. I don’t think I’m going to be able to make it home this summer, but tell Max and Missy that I miss them and I wish I could be there, but I can’t. I’ll send them presents.”

Dad:

“It’s okay, kid. You don’t have to apologize. I know why you don’t want to come back, but they wanted to know if you were able to come. It’s good to hear that you’re doing well. I have to go. The twins need to be dropped off at your grandma’s house.”

You:

“I’ll text you later. I love you too.”

“Who are you texting?” Leah asks as she finishes cooking.

“My dad was asking if I was going home this summer.” In the time the team had, knowing you’ve only ever said that you lived in America, you dodged any other questions, so at one point they all just left it, seeing that you didn’t want to talk about it before you got there. “Are you going home this summer?” they asked.

“No, I think I’m just going to go to another country,” you told them.

They all nodded. “What country are you thinking of going to?”

You had thought about this a lot. “I was thinking Norway, Sweden, Spain, or the Netherlands. I’ve always wanted to go to those countries.” When you said “Netherlands,” Viv smiled a bit for the next 45 minutes. You all talked for 20 minutes before the food was done. It was time for the movie.

The movie starts with a girl sitting on the toilet. Three minutes later, she walks to the bathroom. Viv and Beth are sitting next to each other, and Leah is in the middle. On the end, exactly seven minutes in, it sounds like a door banging and screaming more. It feels like your heart is about to pound out of your chest. A lump in your throat starts to form.

Blood everywhere, screaming, bullets.

“I can’t breathe.” The second you say that, all three of them are beside you. Vivian lifts you up and places you in her lap. “Copy my breathing pattern.”

“Y/N, I’m scared.” The door slams open.

“They didn’t do anything wrong; it should have been me.” Your breathing isn’t slowing down. “They didn’t deserve it; we were just kids.” Beth is now standing behind you, kind of trapping you like a burrito. “Copy my breathing, kid.” You try your best to copy her breathing, eventually doing so.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Your head is still on Vivian’s chest.

“I’m a twin… was a twin. The shock on their faces was something. We were identical. Lucy was 1 minute and 25 seconds older than me. She always would use that or say it was the best time of her life.” Tears were falling down your face. The girls said nothing, so you continued. “When we were 4, we moved from California to New York. Our next-door neighbors had a girl our age. Her name was Lily. She had green eyes, brown hair, and was a little bit taller than us. We became inseparable. We were in the same class. It was grade 6; we were in 4th period English with Miss Cooper. We sat at the back of her class.”

“Today we are learning about Romeo and Juliet.” Lily is to the left of you, and Lucy is to the right. “Lily, give me a pencil; I’ve forgotten mine again.”

“We were 12 minutes into the class when the first shouts could be heard two doors down from us. The screams for help were horrifying. We did everything they said to do. He was down with that class fast. He moved to the one next to us. There was a door connecting both classrooms together. We didn’t barricade it.”

The sound of the door crashing open startles everyone. Before anyone can do anything, he’s shooting randomly all over, and in 2 minutes, he’s gone.

“Lily was on the ground. She was in a pool of blood. He shot her 6 times; 2 of them hit her left lung. I tried to stop the bleeding, but it was no use. Her lungs were filling up with blood. Her beautiful face was covered in blood. She was scared. I could tell because of the way her eyes looked. She would get that look when she was scared. Lucy laid her head on my shoulder. She had been shot once, between her chest and shoulder. I remember Lily’s eyes starting to shut. I remember saying, ‘Come on, Lily, keep your eyes open for me. Keep them open.’ I remember her last words so clearly: ‘Y/N, it’s okay. It’s okay. Go be a superstar, win all the trophies. Don’t give up on your dream.’ There was another round of shots. The color in her eyes was gone. She was gone.”

“No, no, no, Lily, don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me.” Armed police rush through the door. “Everyone show hands.”

“I don’t really remember much about how I got from the classroom to the ambulance. I remember the paramedic saying that I had been shot 3 times. I didn’t even know that I had been shot. I was in shock. I remember the sirens. I remember them asking questions, getting wheeled into the ER. I was next to Lucy. I remember her heart monitor. I didn’t know what it meant except that she was alive. Within 2 minutes of being there, she flatlined. They tried to get her back, but they couldn’t. 14:25 was her time of death. A piece of the bullet had made its way to her heart. They were dead, and I wasn’t. After that, I turned to self-harm and other things. I wanted to be with them. It wasn’t until about 2 months after it all that it sank in that I had lost my twin sister and my first love in the same day

[abiiors]

𝚠𝚑𝚎𝚗 𝚒 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚌𝚔 𝚊𝚝 𝚊 𝚑𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚠𝚘 — 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚕𝚘𝚐𝚞𝚎

✧ — 𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝

✮ a/n: icymi this series takes place a little bit before keep your enemies closer. it's only loosely based on the the actual accurate timeline of events from 2012/13

✮ cw: cheating, being sad and stressed, yelling, fighting

✮ wc: 2k

juliette has always been the muse, max the artist. 

she has her moments, here or there—times when she ‘helps’ max with the songs (which is mostly just him asking what tempo she likes best out of two or three options and her picking one based on vibes alone.) and sure, some of the songs she has liked have gone on to become moderate hits for the band, but juliette secretly suspects max only asks her opinion to include her in things. 

mostly he just leaves her alone to sit in quiet corners of recording studios while he and his band create a ruckus.

juliette is happy though, quietly supporting. she loves max. she imagines she’ll marry him someday. “when the band takes off” is what he always says to her in the quiet moments of the night, traces a ring around her finger. it’s then that her stomach feels funny, maybe it’s the butterflies? she does love him…

sitting quietly in a corner of the studio is exactly what she’s doing when her phone buzzes, rapidly, one text after the other incoming. she frowns; who’s texting her so frantically in the middle of the day? has she accidentally missed her shift at the local hmv? juliette straightens and checks her phone. 

her nose wrinkles in disgust—for one, it’s ethan davies, max’s bandmate whom she rather despises. and also, why the fuck is he texting her when he’s in the next room over? but curiosity takes over her and she swipes the text thread open.

there’s not much in there—just a plain happy birthday message to him from four months ago followed by his ‘ty’. and then there are the messages from today. a series of photo featuring max…

juliette’s heart drops in her stomach. 

it’s max, her max, half-naked on the sofa of some house party with an equally half-naked girl on his lap. his hand is on her waist, his mouth around her boob that’s falling out of her tank top. judging by the dermal bandage on his arm, it had to be exactly two weeks ago when he’d gotten his latest tattoo. 

nausea brews in her gut, but juliette can’t look away. it’s like she’s spellbound and held in a trance, some unknown entity forcing her to swipe onto the next photo.

it’s much of the same really—max with his hands down the girl’s pants, shooting her a smug smile. he looks fucked up, he has to be, she thinks, to fingerbang someone when there are obviously people around him. ethan, for sure, since he seems to have taken these photos. 

she’s sure she’s about to be sick all over the floor. 

a second later, a white-face max bursts into the room, followed by ethan who seems to have a fresh split lip. 

“baby, i—” he starts, chokes, takes a step forward. juliette springs up. 

three years she’s been with him, more than that really if she wants to count the months she’s spent having a crush on him. three years and now when she looks at him, all she sees is a pathetic little man. 

juliette picks up the first thing she sees, a water bottle, and chucks it at max as hard as she can. it hits him square in the stomach and knocks the wind out of him as he falls down to his knees, clutching his middle. she feels a smidge of satisfaction. 

“what the fuck is wrong with you?!” he yells, still on the floor. ethan simply watches the exchange wide-eyed. 

“with me? oh, that’s rich!”

“they weren’t supposed to be sent to you,” ethan chimes in, and juliette shoots him a glare so dirty that he’d be dead on spot if looks could kill. 

she wishes they could. she wishes she could murder max and ethan in cold blood. 

“babe, please—”

“you’re dead to me,” juliette snaps. 

there are tears spilling down her cheeks, angry tears and sad tears, tears of pure frustration and disgust and everything in between. for all intents and purposes, her voice should be wobbly and weak, and yet it surprises her how determined she sounds. it surprises her how quickly she manages to gather her belongings, how quickly she turns and storms out the door. 

gone within the blink of an eye, just like her three year long relationship.

in the weeks that follow, max sends her a hundred different flowers—sunflowers (that she’s allergic to) and roses (that come with a horrid artificial smell clinging to them). he calls her a dozen times and sends her a dozen pathetic begging messages until she blocks him (and ethan—a wonderful byproduct).

she even considers deleting his number. but there’s a little traitorous part of her brain that has it memorised. in spite of everything. 

in the weeks that follow she moves in with a friend.

carly is a bright ray of sunshine—crazy hair and red nails and brilliantly coloured graphic t-shirts seem to be 90% of her wardrobe. and even in the middle of all the bleakness, she brings some warmth to juliette's life. 

carly’s the first housemate she’s ever had that’s not max. carly also seems to know a thousand different indie musicians that keep coming over or inviting her to their shows. 

juliette doesn’t mind it as much. she’s used to this particular kind of hustle—at least that aspect of familiarity hasn’t been snatched from her. besides, living with carly has kept max away. she suspects carly scares him a little, that’s why he chooses to stay away. 

she's is a good friend to juliette though, she lets her throw herself a pity party in bed for the first few weeks, only forcing her into showers when she starts reeking of sweat. juliette is grateful for her. but even her patience runs thin soon enough.

“alright that’s it,” carly bursts into her room one afternoon while juliette is busy deleting photos of her and max off her phone. “the pity party ends today.”

“but—”

“no!”

juliette huffs at her but sits up in bed. she’s in three day old pyjamas, her hair is a greasy mess from not being washed for at least a week, and frankly she stinks. it’s mortifying. maybe carly is right…

“i’m seeing this guy, adam,” carly smiles wide and juliette feels a pang in her chest. has she ever looked like that while talking about max? “his band has a show tonight—”

“i’m done with band guys.”

“jules!” carly holds up her hand. jules… it startles her, no one’s ever called her that. max only ever called her babe or baby or juliette if they were in a fight. but jules… that’s new. it holds no memories for her. juliette holds it close to her and repeats it to herself until it starts sounding like a real name. 

jules. she could be a jules. 

carly, unaware of this little epiphany, continues talking. “they’re good, jules, trust me! and i’m not saying that just because i’m seeing him, they really are good. you’ll have fun.”

she mulls the thought over in her head. the one thing she remembers fondly from her now ruined relationship with max is the shows. the being backstage and seeing the inner workings of everything. she misses being at the barricade and getting to scream the songs at the top of her lungs. 

“i don’t want to go just to meet someone.” she chews on a hangnail.

“you don’t have to,” carly promises. “it will just be a good time.”

“just a good time,” she mumbles to herself. carly looks at her with hope written all over her face. and she’s been such a good friend to her, juliette doesn’t particularly feel like letting her down. 

“okay,” she says quietly, smiling when carly cheers. 

it’ll be good, she tells herself. she needs to get out of the house sooner or later anyway.

it feels exactly how she remembers it. juliette loves the energy backstage, loves to see the different guitars strewn about carelessly and people hurrying around, loves watching artists shooting the shit and smoking up before shows.

there are occasionally ones that are uptight and nervous about going on stage—she loves watching them especially. how they come alive in front of the crowd and under the stage lights. 

carly lets go of her hand when she spots a guy; adam, juliette guesses. a second later it’s confirmed when carly hugs him tightly and kisses him for a good thirty seconds. juliette looks away, awkward and out of place. 

“i brought a friend,” she announces, pointing to juliette and suddenly everyone’s eyes are on her. 

“hi,” she says, a little shy. adam, to her relief, looks equally shy and quiet. 

“new fans?” a voice makes her head turn. it’s a tall man, taller than adam and twirling drumsticks between his fingers like it’s second nature to him. 

“george,” he turns to her and sticks his hand out. juliette takes it. 

“jules,” she says, her voice a little unsure. jules. it fits better somehow now that she’s said it out loud. 

“are you a fan, jules?” he grins at her, an easy-going smile that instantly puts her at ease too. maybe carly was right. maybe they are good. george certainly feels nothing like max’s friends. 

stop. she scolds herself. she’s not allowed to think of max tonight. 

“are you putting her on the spot, george?” a new voice comes from behind george. her ears perk up instantly. the voice sounds…familiar somehow. 

“hi,” the man appears from behind george, smoking the last dregs of a cigarette. he stops right in front of her. juliette tries not to stare so blatantly, but it’s not easy when he’s so obviously attractive. 

his hair is curly, huge, half-falling in his eyes, eyes that are framed with the longest lashes she’s ever seen (unfair!). he’s also a good couple inches taller than her. juliette refuses to look any lower than his face though. for one, his shirt is entirely unbuttoned. and his jeans are quite low-waist. (not that she hasn’t stolen a couple sneaky glances, especially at the tattoos)

“jules, was it?” he nudges her a little and jules comes back to earth.

“yes, hi!” she says, suddenly chipper. from behind him, carly waggles her brows at her. 

“i’m matty.” he holds out his hand much like george had, and when jules takes it, it feels warm around hers, it sends tingles down her spine. 

“are you seeing us for the first time?” matty asks, still holding her hand, not that jules minds it very much. she nods. 

“we’ll have to make an impression then,” he smiles, just the right amount of cocky. jules almost blushes. 

“i guess you’ll have to,” she tucks her hair behind her ear. “although i don’t think that should be too much work? my friend was raving about you,” she points at carly. matty doesn’t look. 

“is that right?”

jules nods, barely holding back a grin. 

“i’ll be more interested in what you think though.”

this time it’s her turn to lean in a little, turn her voice into a conspiratorial whisper. “is that right?”

when had she learned to flirt with someone within minutes of meeting them? especially weeks after her breakup?!

matty’s about to say something when someone interrupts him, tells him they have to go up in five. another man who’s just as tall as george, except he has a buzzcut and a sparse beard. (jesus how tall is everyone?!)

matty winces apologetically and finally lets go of her hand. 

“stay after the show, yeah?” he asks, hope written so clear all over his face. jules smiles.

“only if you impress me.”

matty laughs, a sound that lingers around her, right before he disappears behind a throng of people.

jules scrunches her eyes shut and then makes her way to the wings.

the show is the best thing she’s ever seen, matty is the best thing she’s ever seen—better than max could ever be. he smiles at her so many times too, winks like a proper rockstar and basks in the attention of all the girls at the barricade. jules watches him until she can no longer stand it. 

it’s like watching max. sure matty's infinitely better, but the similarities make it hard to just stand there and enjoy the show and dance like carly is next to her.  

anything to do with max is not something she can stand right now. 

so right before the last song, she hugs carly and makes an excuse. carly’s having too much fun to stop and have a chat, not that jules wants her to. 

she looks at matty one last time, at the way he stomach flexes when he hits a high note. then she turns before the regret can set in, before she can think about the hope on his face when he'd asked her to stay.

no matter how much she wants to, jules doesn’t stay after the show.

[seeinganewlight]

2025 books read thread

2025 goal: 150 books key: ✨ (arc), 💜 (reread), 📖 (physical copy), 💻 (ebook), 🎧 (audiobook), 📚 (multiple formats)

january: 1) a sea of unspoken things → adrienne young (✨ 💻 ) 2) funny story → emily henry (💜📖) 3) yin yang love song → lauren kung jessen (✨ 💻 ) 4) i am not jessica chen → ann liang (✨ 💻 ) 5) the doll's house → lisa unger (💻 ) 6) darkly → marisha pessl (🎧) 7) night of the mannequins → stephen graham jones (🎧) 8) here lives a vengeful bitch → codie crowley (💻 ) 9) my darling dreadful thing → johanna van veen (📖) 10) plain bad heroines → emily m. danforth (🎧) 11) lies on the serpent's tongue → kate pearsall (💻 ) 12) bloom → delilah s. dawson (💻 ) 13) a dark and drowning tide → allison saft (📚) 14) the kamogawa food detectives → hisashi kashiwai (translated by jesse kirkwood) (🎧) 15) the restaurant of lost recipes → hisashi kashiwai (translated by jesse kirkwood) (🎧) 16) the empress of salt and fortune → nghi vo (📖)

february: 17) sea of tranquility → emily st. john mandel (📚) 18) done and dusted → lyla sage (📖) 19) needy little things → channelle desamours (✨ 💻 ) 20) a killing cold → kate alice marshall (📖) 21) society of lies → lauren ling brown (🎧) 22) the final act of juliette willoughby → ellery lloyd (💻 ) 23) the fall risk → abby jimenez (✨ 💻 ) 24) freedom is a constant struggle: ferguson, palestine and the foundations of a movement → angela y. davis (💻 ) 25) water moon → samantha sotto yambao (📖) 26) the reformatory → tananarive due (🎧) 27) swift and saddled → lyla sage (📖) 28) lost and lassoed → lyla sage (📖) 29) the lovers → rebekah faubion (🎧) 30) victorian psycho → virginia feito (🎧) 31) a daughter of fair verona → christina dodd (📖)

march: 32) i am made of death → kelly andrew (✨ 💻 ) 33) ready or not → cara bastone (🎧) 34) they bloom at night → trang thanh tran (📖) 35) deep end → ali hazelwood (🎧) 36) lovely dark and deep → elisa a. bonnin (✨ 💻 ) 37) for the record → emma lord (✨ 💻 ) 38) if i stopped haunting you → colby wilkens (💻 ) 39) patron saints of nothing → randy ribay (🎧) 40) sunrise on the reaping → suzanne collins (📖) 41) first-time caller → b.k. borison (🎧) 42) you between the lines → katie naymon (🎧) 43) gifted & talented → olivie blake (✨ 💻 )

april: 44) this book will bury me → ashley winstead (🎧) 45) how to solve your own murder → kristen perrin (📖) 46) the strawberry patch pancake house → laurie gilmore (📖) 47) the hunger games → suzanne collins (💜📖) 48) wild and wrangled → lyla sage (📖) 49) the decagon house murders → yukito ayatsuji (translated by ho-ling wong) (🎧) 50) manslaughter park → tirzah price (🎧) 51) what dreams may come → christina dodd (💻 ) 52) thus with a kiss i die → christina dodd (✨ 💻 ) 53) the wolves → sarah delappe (📖)

may: 54) the manor of dreams → christina li (✨ 💻 ) 55) the river has roots → amal el-mohtar (🎧) 56) meet your baker → ellie alexander (💻 ) 57) the body in the bookstore → ellie alexander (🎧) 58) a murder at the movies → ellie alexander (🎧) 59) death at the dinner party → ellie alexander (🎧) 60) a holiday homicide → ellie alexander (🎧) 61) a victim at valentine's → ellie alexander (🎧) 62) a body at the book fair → ellie alexander (✨ 💻 ) 63) natural beautiful → ling ling huang (🎧) 64) smile and be a villain → yves donlon (📖) 65) the summer i turned pretty → jenny han (💜💻) 66) next to normal → brian yorkey (💜📖) 67) the bandit queens → parini shroff (📖) 68) the boy you always wanted → michelle quach (📖) 69) a batter of life and death → ellie alexander (💻 ) 70) on thin icing → ellie alexander (💻 ) 71) caught bread handed → ellie alexander (🎧) 72) fudge and jury → ellie alexander (💻 )

june: 73) the crucible → arthur miller (💜💻) 74) john proctor is the villain → kimberly belflower (📖) 75) eureka day → jonathan spector (📖) 76) english → sanaz toossi (📖) 77) the hills of california → jez butterworth (📖) 78) "oh, mary!" → cole escola (📖) 79) our town → thornton wilder (💜📖) 80) ohio state murders → adrienne kennedy (📖) 81) shakespeare's sister → emma whipday (📖) 82) ms. holmes & ms. watson - apt. 2b → kate hamill (📖) 83) medusa undone → bella poynton (📖) 84) the cottage → sandy rustin (📖) 85) choir boy → tarell alvin mccraney (📖) 86) it's not summer without you → (💜💻) 87) witch → jen silverman (📖) 88) gwen & art are not in love → lex croucher (🎧) 89) significant other → joshua harmon (📖) 90) enter the body (play version) → joy mccullough (💻 ) 91) the butcher's daughter: the hitherto untold story of mrs. lovett → corinne leigh clark and david demchuk (💻 ) 92) merrily we roll along → george s. kaufman and miss hart (📖) 93) shakespeare's r&j → joe calarco (📖) 94) an ideal husband → oscar wilde (📖) 95) what the constitution means to me → heidi schreck (📖) 96) m. butterfly (2017 revision) → david henry hwang (📖) 97) speech & debate → stephen karam (📖)

[whyeverr]

I cringed my way through yesterday’s livestream and I think I am finally officially on board for this pack (after being hyped at the initial leaks / roadmap, then disappointed by lackluster trailers). I don’t think we’re in for a lackluster pack, I think they’re just reallyreally bad at marketing / explaining this particular kind of EP.

if it seems like the main features of this pack are the dating app and costume box, that’s on them 🤦🏼‍♀️ but there’s so much more that I am (finally) getting excited to dig into, like:

likes and dislikes and turn ons and turn offs being two separate (but similar) systems — I love that this means a sim can be attracted to something that doesn’t align with their platonic interaction preferences, like “I hate that this is doing it for me” 🫣

the turn ons and turn offs system in general! most of* the must-haves seem to be there and the options will be really fun to build characters or gameplay around (the turned on by Broke but Affectionate Arts & Crafts Slacker sims to “Why do I keep dating these losers?” pipeline or the black widow challenge with the Wealthy turn on???)

the specificity of the romantic boundaries system (technically coming to Basegame but still shouting it out) as well as the option to have it change over time based on dialog in game

the MWS of it all makes me nervous not gonna lie but truly customizable dates, e.g. with everything from “be funny” to woohoo available for get to know you-type dates, holds a lot of potential for fresh gameplay in an event that hopefully happens more than once a generation in most people’s games

autonomous breakups and divorce (!!!)

Ciudad Enamorada being based on a single culture (and not an amalgamation of cultures like Jungle Adventure) and working with Mexican creators to build the lots

telenovelas and reality dating tv 🫶🏻

the return of the vibrating heart bed and the attention to detail that the vibration makes sims’ voices change

lips couch lips couch lips couch 🫦

bed canopies! can’t wait to play with all the combos and always nice to have a new way to make old items feel fresh (like the decor pillow item(s) have done with old couches!)

juliette balcony with a shelf slot for outdoor plaaaaants 🥹

all the little cultural decor pieces I can’t wait to get a closer look at

aaaand for balance, here are some things I’m a lil disappointed about:

I’ve complained about this before and it’s pretty trivial but every neighborhood, lot, etc having an easily translatable Spanish word or phrase as its name feels like really lazy / shallow / cartoony world-building

all this progress in separating woohoo from courtship but still needing to have a super cheesy sheepish first kiss before you can move any further physically 😑

no catfishing (but catfish costume?)

no eye color option as a turn on / turn off 🥲

sorry but the plain version of the woohoo blanket looks like dogshit

all the colorful stucco (?) buildings in the historic neighborhood look suuuuper flat which really emphasizes the empty shellness of it all

modern black vinyl windows in otherwise very traditional window casings — imo they pretty well ruined Horse Ranch build mode with this exact move (unless you like 🤢… modern farmhouses) and now they’ve gone and done it to another pack 😭 definitely not helping how flat the world looks either

[transparentgentlemenmarker]

Juliette Binoche rend hommage à la photojournaliste palestinienne Fatima Hassouna, tuée dans un bombardement le 16 avril dernier.

Elle était l'héroïne du documentaire "Put Your Soul on Your Hand and Walk" de Sepideh Farsi, sélectionné cette année au Festival de Cannes 2025

L'autre facette de Cannes

Chaque année, une réunion de bobos cinéphiles hystériques se déroule à Cannes, à quelques kilomètres d'ici... Tout ce petit monde endimanché, se vautre pendant quelques jours dans des soirées infinies, loin des badauds mis à l'écart derrière des barrières. On les voit de loin, comme des animaux savants au zoo de la pellicule. D'un côté, les pauvres gueux qui rêvent de paillettes et de l'autre des paillettes complètement démontées dans les effluves d'alcool et de produits interdits. C'est le monde du cinéma qui se loue un palais et un grand escalier couvert d'un tapis rouge et qui monte des marches vers une grande salle, pour s'y enfermer et voir ensemble leurs navets cinématographiques. Ils se retournent une fois en haut, font un signe de la main à leurs pauvres et vont rejoindre les amis des amis, la famille à noeuds papillons et robes en satin. Ce qu'il y a d'étonnant, c'est que peu de gens du cru savent qu'un festival a lieu à Cannes. On se fout complètement de ces bobos cinéphiles qui se congratulent, marchent et picolent, toujours entre eux, sur une surface balisée et gardée par des balourds de la sécurité. Qui s'y intéresse ? Dans mon pays, personne et j'ai beau interroger, j'ai toujours la même réponse Cannes et les bobos de mai, on s'en fout. Eux qui au final, se remettront des palmes d'or pour des films qui passeront dans la trappe du temps, après que deux ou trois curieux les aient vus sur une toile. C'est aussi le rendez-vous des "has been", ceux qui ont eu un nom qui a brillé un temps et qui disparaît comme toute étoile filante. Ils sont là, pour que l'on parle d'eux, au moins une dernière fois avant le grand vide. J'écris ces lignes, parce que j'ai vu de près ce monde et j'ai vu dans quel irréalisme désastreux ils se complaisent, et voir la d'échéance de Niro et ces anciennes star devient pathétique.

Je plains surtout ceux qui, derrière des barrières attendent des heures entières pour entrevoir des princesses et des princes du "clap", qui se foutent totalement d'eux et qui arrivent dans des berlines étincelantes pour se montrer aux appareils photos. C'est du reste le seul but de leur vie : se monter. Et rien d'autre MBdSaxonne

Quand Juliette Binoche se déguise en Benazir Bhutto l’ex première Ministre du Pakistan

Palme du wokisme décernée en direct par Binoche silence, on s’islamise 🕋

[sapphicmsmarvel]

acotar character headcannons: perfume

in case yall were wondering, i sat my perfume tray sniffing everything i owned and matching it to characters 

also !! i have sniffed every single one of these fragrances in store and the ones i own to write this! Some of them i really love, some i like, some i loathe. 

(if anyone ever wants to talk about perfume my dms are open im a perfume nut) 

azriel: he loves sweet and fruity. his personal favorite is a straight up juicy almond-y cherry scent. 

fine’ry not another cherry (the dupe for tom ford’s lost cherry (and it lasts longer than tom ford!!)) 

snif co tart deco

kate spade cherie 

cassian: pure. vanilla. I'm telling you the most strong men crumble at vanilla. Frankly everyone does but that’s another story. 

byrosiejane dulce 

dossier floral marshmallow (dupe for kilian love don’t be shy).  

ellis brooklyn bee 

rhysand: he loves sweet violet scents. Violet is a darker, richer note. It’s sweet and dewy but not overpowering. It's home. 

dolce and gabbana’s the only one 

sol de janeiro 59 

fine’ry magnetic candy 

feyre: a baked good. if you smell like a baked good she’s on the floor. While she loves a plain vanilla, she also loves a more complex, unique scent on you. It makes you easier to find in crowds and a part of her loves watching people crumble at your feet because of your scent and then seeing that you’re always gonna go home with her. 

snif co’s crumb couture 

nest madagascar vanilla 

replica coffee break

morrigan: she loves sweet and fruity as well, but her vice is strawberry. she likes when you smell like a delicious baked strawberry cake with vanilla frosting. she also is a sucker for lychee and rose scents. 

bath and body works strawberry pound cake

ouai’s melrose place 

kayali’s eden sparkling lychee  

amren: she’s not one for strong scents, she gets headaches and irritated. But she loves when your natural scent has a hint of something. Very clean smelling. 

clean reserve’s radiant nectar 

replica matcha meditation 

jo malone london nectarine blossom and honey

nesta: rain, earth, musk. She loves to smell that fresh just cracked open a book, dark academia type smells. It’s very homey to her and reminds her of peace. Which, the poor woman does not get often. 

replicas when the rain stops 

phlur missing person 

juliette has a gun not a perfume 

elain: she loves flowery/fruity smells or you smelling more masculine with flower notes. She loves lavender on you specifically, 

ariana grande god is a woman 

snif co’s house of 8 

phlur mood ring 

lucien: he loves citruses. specifically the smell of tangerines/oranges. He loves when you smell like a juicy, sun-drenched orange in the summer. 

phlurs’ tangerine boy 

dolce and gabanna’s devotion 

nest seville orange 

eris: like azriel (azris lol) he loves a cherry scent but his favorite is a darker cherry. He loves when you smell woody and fruity. Something dark and decadent. He’s also a rum guy. 

kayali’s lovefest burning cherry 

replica’s jazz club 

kilian paris angel share

tarquin: this man loves beachy and summer. He likes that lighter sea breezy citrusy scents but also the sweet tropical ones as well. 

replica’s beach walk 

dolce and gabbana light blue

sol de janeiros 62

[evelinemiller22]

Just say what you have to say, Juliett, for pity's sake.

“Listen… I wanted to—“

“Spare me, Avery,” Snape cuts you off abruptly.

“I just wanted to tell you that I didn’t mean… I didn’t mean those things.”

“I don’t care,” his tone is hard and dry.

“I do care,” you snap out of the doorstep and into the room.

His reaction to your words, before he turns back to his drink, is a mocking laugh.

Does he find you pathetic? Fake? Does he really not care?

“I don’t think that about you. And you know it,” you continue in a low voice, taking a step towards him in a sign of openness.

“Oh, why, you can think? Surprising,” you see him raise an eyebrow.

Welcome back, snake.

“I thought we were friends, Severus.” Damn. His name escapes you without you even realizing it and, when it’s too late to pick it up, your first instinct is to bite your lip.

With a lightning-fast move, his deep eyes lock onto yours.

“I thought so too, but you made it clear that it’s not like that.”

“Did I make it clear?” What the fuck is he talking about?

“I honestly don’t know any friends who go weeks without speaking just because one of them decides it should be that way, only to come back like nothing happened and expect to be fucked,” he says, his hard gaze locked on yours.

Here it is, plain as day, the reason behind his anger towards you.

— from Through Me, a young Severus Snape fanfiction (Enemies to Lovers / Angst & Smut / Secret Relationship)

Read it now on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/63868816/chapters/163794463

On Wattpad → https://www.wattpad.com/story/391453988-through-me-young-snape-fanfiction

[kumkaniudaku]

Are any of our faves into perfume/cologne and do they have signature scents? Or scent profiles they gravitate towards?

These are my guesses though lol.

Patrice is giving me gourmand girl all around, cause there’s mentions of vanilla, fruits, and cake (per Nyla lol) when describing how she smells. Obviously not as juvenile since she’s grown but yeah…

I can’t really peg Terry’s scent profile BUT I’d probably lean towards a masc fresh/clean type for him if I had to guess. MAYBE something woodsy mixed in also.

I feel like Kel is woodsy, warm, and spicy based on what’s been given from Lesson’s Learned.

Asia strikes me as possibly a warm floral or fresh floral. But idk as much as Kel be in that neck she might be smelling like cake also 😂😂😂. So maybe a cross between gourmand and floral?

Honestly I’m gagged by how spot on you are. Omg I love this so much 😭

Patrice is definitely a gourmand girlie. Terry met her smelling like food and she hasn’t strayed too far from that. She loves a creamy, vanilla scent. She’ll even gravitate toward a vanilla with a little spice. Think Billie Eilish No. 1 or a vanilla bourbon scent.

Terry goes for something a bit more nautical and clean like you mentioned. Think in the Dolce Light Blue Pour Homme and Aqua di Gio family. Very yacht party masculine. He would wear his dad’s Jean Paul Gautier in high school. He mostly likes to smell like a shower if that makes sense.

Kelvin is a lot more woody. Think sandalwood notes or Prada Luna Rossa Carbon. He also has a side to him that loves a more feminine leaning fragrance like a Gentle Fluidity. He’s the one out of the four that really invests in his scents and is big into an olfactory experience. He has a scent for all his moods and will wear a fragrance to bed.

Asia is a fan of the more stripped down, my skin but better fragrances. Think Glossier’s You or Juliette Has A Gun Not A Perfume. Those more musky scents really pair well with a person who is pretty “plain” in her appearance in the sense that she loves a quality basic. Every day scents are right up her alley. Kelvin loves that he can identify when she’s been in a room or when can smell her in the sheets because she brings out her natural scent by being pretty standard in her fragrance choices.

This was really fun! Thank you for bringing this up ❤️

[the-flaming-nightmare]

Thank you for the tag, @nottapossum! 💚

I started another Grimm agere fic (because of course), so here's a tiny bit of that:

Nick looked in the mirror at the blue shortalls and plain white T-shirt he wore, a pink blush spreading across his face and neck at just how childish he looked.

As he stood in front of the full-body mirror in Monroe's guestroom and continued to stare at his surreal reflection, Nick couldn't help asking himself again why he had even agreed to all of this in the first place.

After a particularly grueling Grimm case two weeks ago, which left Nick in a really bad mental space and crashing in Monroe's guestroom (having not wanted to burden Juliette with anymore of his issues), the Blutbad sat him down a couple of days after the fact and brought up the idea of using something called 'age regression' as a way for Nick to cope and decompress in times like these.

Nick hadn't known what to say at the time, especially when Monroe had added that he would look after Nick when he was in that state. Monroe, as always, was understanding and told him that he could take all the time he needed to think it over before agreeing to anything. Nick spent a week after that conversation feeling conflicted and debating with himself. While a part of Nick wanted to just tell Monroe that he didn't need to be taken care of like a child in order to cope with his life as a cop and a Grimm, that he was just fine dealing with it all in the way he has been for the last eight months, there was a disturbingly large part of him that couldn't help but yearn for the innocence and carefree nature that came with being a child.

He hadn't known either of those things since before his parents' deaths. Aunt Marie treated him like her very own, but after losing his parents the way he did, it was like all of the innocent carefreeness had been completely stripped away from him.

Tagging (if you wanna): @angelique-of-the-volturi-guard, @thegoeticcleric, @phantomhiveroyaltea, @anewkindofme, @snowviolettwhite, @actualalligator, @pimento-playing-hopscotch, @laneybishop89, @autisticalastor, @otpcutie and anyone else who wants to join!

[selidren]

Eté 1929 - Champs-les-Sims

4/20

J'ai juste eu le temps de t'envoyer un télégramme, car il a fallu immédiatement faire tous les préparatifs des obsèques. Je ne pensais pas que c'était si complexe. Heureusement, Adelphe était là, comme toujours. Et si les faire-part de décès ont été nombreux à envoyer (cet événement a réuni l'entièreté du village dans notre petite église), cela m'a permis au moins de m'oublier un peu dans le travail. Je ressens profondément ce que tu as écris dans ta lettre, car ni toi ni moi n'avons vraiment eu le temps de ressentir, tant il y avait à faire.

Presque tout le monde a répondu présent. Cousin Félix seul n'a pas pu être là (le fils de ma tante Juliette). Comme il est au pensionnat (il n'a que dix-sept ans), elle a préféré ne pas le rappeler de Paris. Je n'ai pas vraiment été d'accord, mais Adelphe m'a convaincue de laisser couler. Sans doute une affaire entre eux à laquelle je ne comprendrai jamais rien.

Transcription :

Juliette « Nous allons être sacrément en retard… »

Rose « Il faut laisser le temps à Constantin. Tu sais que la situation est difficile pour lui. »

Juliette « Elle est difficile pour tout le monde ! Déjà que ce pauvre Adelphe a du utiliser tous ses talents de persuasion pour convaincre ce brave Père d’accepter d’enterrer un cercueil en granit, voici qu’il en est encore à s’occuper de notre frère. Sans compter ce froid atroce… D’ailleurs, as-tu vu comment s’est habillé notre chère Cléo ? N’a t-elle jamais froid avec sa petite robe noire de gravure de mode ? Elle n’est pas ici sur les pavés parisiens tout de même. »

Rose « Arrête donc de te plaindre, ce n’est vraiment pas le jour. Depuis quand es-tu aussi désagréable ? »

Juliette « Je déteste être en retard. Et je déteste les adultes qui se comportent comme des enfants. »

Rose « Et moi, tu me casses les oreilles. Si il y a bien un service funèbre pour lequel cela vaut la peine de patienter, c’est bien celui d’Eugénie Le Bris. Tu sais comme moi qu’elle aurait adoré savoir qu’elle fait attendre le jour de son enterrement. »

Juliette « Oui, j’imagine. »

Rose « Et c’est elle-même qui a insisté pour le sarcophage. Je n’ai pas voulu y croire au début, mais Adelphe m’a montré les papiers. Je ne connais personne d’autre qui a pu bénéficier de tels services pour ses obsèques. »

Juliette « En tous cas, personne ne m’enterrera jamais dans une de ces choses. »

Rose « J’imagine bien. Et Félix dis moi ? Où est-il ? »

Juliette « Mon fils est au pensionnat. Il a une semaine très chargée en examens et j’ai estimé qu’il serait plus sage de le laisser à Paris. »

Rose « Donc, si je résume bien, tu te plains à profusions de notre frère et de ses enfants, mais tu as laissé le tien manquer l’enterrement de sa grand-mère ? »

Juliette « Son arrière-grand-mère. Rose, n’essaies pas de me faire la morale. Ce n’est pas comme si on pouvais regretter d’avoir manqué un enterrement. Tout le monde y est horriblement triste, on y pleure beaucoup trop, sans compter que chacun va te juger soit que tu sois effondré soit que tu reste de marbre. »

[senditcolton]

breakable heaven

Am I foolish for wanting this? It will end in flames, it always does. Maybe I like the way it feels to burn.

summary: when Juliette Lucas wakes up wrapped in the arms of Adam Lowry - the man that she had pined after for years - she should feel content. but instead, she feels guilty. she didn’t mean for any of this to happen. she never planned on becoming the other woman. but when it feels this good, how could it possibly be wrong? playlist word count: 17.5k warnings: cheating fic, smut (explicit in the beginning, multiple vague references throughout), angst, bittersweet ending written for @wyattjohnston's Summer Fic Exchange. to Celly (@cellythefloshie) with love.

“Jules?”

Juliette Lucas can’t help but stiffen at the sound of the nickname. Not because of any traumatic memory or something of the sort. Unless you count the fact that the only person who ever called her that – her best friend from high school – left almost eight years ago without a word.

The person whose voice she could still hear in her sleep.

The same voice that was calling out to her from across the grocery store right now.

“Hey, Jules!”

She turns, muscles still tight with anticipation over seeing his face again. And there he is, Adam Lowry, jogging up to her from the other end of the breakfast aisle.

And, fuck, he looks hot. He was always attractive, even in high school but damn, the years had definitely been kind to him. Even in his simple joggers, plain navy t-shirt, and baseball cap, Juliette could see the muscle tone of his body. And the shadow cast across his face simply emphasized everything else: his strong jaw, the deep red of his facial hair, the bright blue of his eyes that were sparkling as he ran up to her.

“I look like shit right now.”

That irrational thought is the first clear present statement that echoes through her brain as she takes a quick glance down at her sweatpants and old tank top.

There is little time to worry however, because before Juliette knows it, Adam is front of her and the wind of his momentum ruffles her hair.

“Hey,” he says breathlessly, smiling down at her. “Long time no see.”

“That tends to happen when you move away to a different province,” she replies, trying not to give her words a cutting edge. Although, Juliette can see that she wasn’t entirely successful based on the subtle way Adam’s face falls.

“Yeah, I’ve been meaning to visit but, y’know, life,” he attempts to explain, his hand reaching back to scratch the back of his neck. Juliette can’t stop the small smile that tugs at the corner of her lips, his nervous ticks the exact same ones he had back in high school.

A lot of things might have changed. But that didn’t mean the person standing in front of her was a stranger. It was Adam. Her Adam.

“It’s alright, I get it,” she replies, her voice softening. “Anyway, you’re here now. What brings you back to Calgary?”

“My dad was finally able to convince me to come up, mostly to see all the finished renovations they made on the lake house. And it looks really good. Although, I almost don’t recognize it which is weird considering all the summers we spent there, growing up.”

“Life moves on around you, whether you like it to or not,” Juliette laughs, knowing the feeling of time passing her by all too well.

“Speaking of life, how have you been Jules?”

“Oh, I’ve been alright. Nothing super new or exciting. Work is work, life is life. Same old, same old I’m afraid.”

“Well, considering the last time I really talked to you was eight years ago at graduation, I highly doubt everything is the same,” Adam teases and Juliette’s eyes roll at his jab.

“You know what I mean.”

“Yeah, I know.”

There is a small pause as the two of them simply look at each other. It had been years and that time seemed to stretch in between them like and ocean. One too expansive to cross right now, here, in the middle of a grocery store.

“Well,” Juliette says, being the first to break the silence, “I got to finish shopping. Need to get home and get ready a party later tonight.”

“Charleen’s party, right?” Adam asks. The statement sort of catches Juliette off-guard as she fixes Adam a puzzled glance.

“Yeah. How’d you know?”

“She invited me too.”

“You still talk to Charlie?”

“More like my parents still talk to her. She helped them with the renovation.”

“Right, her interior design business,” Juliette nods.

“Yeah, she was visiting today, going over a few last-minute details with my parents when I arrived and she invited me.”

“Cool. Well then, I guess I’ll see you there?”

Adam replies with a small nod which Juliette returns, grabbing her cart. She starts to turn away before Adam’s voice calls out to her again.

“Hey, Jules.”

She turns her head to look back at Adam and the pang in her heart is sharp and sudden as she takes in that smile, the one that shot her back to nights on her parent’s couch, his laugh echoing around the family room at whatever ridiculous movie he convinced her to watch.

“It was really good to see you again.” 

Juliette just returns his smile before turning away, hating the feeling of heat that crawls up her neck. She attempts to smother the thoughts and emotions that had been lying dormant, just long enough to finish her shopping.

After checking the last things off her list, paying, and packing up her Jeep, Juliette starts her drive home. And as the scenery passes her by, the memories come flooding back as fast as the wind.

He was back. Adam was back, after all these years. And his presence had awakened the feelings that Juliette thought she had banished long ago. It was beyond cliché, falling for her high school best friend. But in her defense, she never expected to. There was just one day when she realized that she wanted him as more than just a best friend.

Unfortunately, that realization came too late, arriving right before Adam was about to leave for Winnipeg to start his professional hockey career. She should have told him then, before he was gone. But she didn’t, out of fear of ruining their friendship and losing her best friend to something worse than distance. Something that couldn’t be recovered from.

But… she lost him anyway.

Juliette sighs, snapping herself out of her reverie as she pulls into her apartment complex. Her mind is still filled with static on the elevator ride up and the static remains as she puts her groceries away and starts to get ready for Charleen’s party.

After a quick shower and some makeup, Juliette finds herself standing in front of her closet, flipping through her clothes, attempting to find a suitable outfit for the festivities. It shouldn’t be this hard; it usually isn’t this difficult. But Juliette would be lying if she pretended not to know why she was struggling. It was Adam, once again.

She wanted to look nice. Nicer than just nice. She wanted to look beautiful, gorgeous, eye-catching, stunning. She wanted Adam to see how she had changed. She wanted Adam to want to talk to her.

Or, simply, she wanted Adam to want to want her.

When her hand lands on a dress buried in the depths of her closet, one that she had almost forgotten about and yet was everything she could’ve asked for, she slipped it on over her head.

“This is a shit idea.”

That’s the thought repeating in Juliette’s head as she turns, checking out her reflection in the full-length mirror next to her closet, head spinning with the implications of what she was planning.

“Listen,” Juliette thinks, attempting to assuage the nagging voice in the back of her mind. “It’s just a dress. That’s all. I just want to look good for this party. No other reason.”

That was a blatant lie. This tight red summer dress hugging her frame was for one reason – or more accurately, one person.

After seeing him again, knowing that he was once again back in Calgary, back in her life and she felt just as strongly about him as she did in high school… well, how could anyone pass up the opportunity?

So, yeah, maybe she should wear the sexiest dress she could to the party at Charleen’s lake house. Maybe then her and Adam could stop tiptoeing on this fucking tightrope or at least, she’d know if Adam felt the same way about her that she did.

And, hey, if that didn’t happen and he left for Winnipeg at the end of summer … at least she looks hot.

A sigh escapes Juliette as she gently shakes her head, her mind once again reiterating how stupid of an idea this was. But she is nothing if not committed – even to her most ridiculous ideas. So, with another sigh, she grabs her white denim jacket and car keys and leaves the apartment.

The drive to Charleen’s is quick and even though Juliette isn’t ridiculously late, cars are already lining the street outside. She manages to find a spot off to the side of the house and hops out of her Jeep, her eyes flicking over the other vehicles, wondering which one is Adam’s.

If he’s even here yet.

There’s another quick shake of her head, another silent admonishment about how desperate she was acting, before she walks up to the front door, not bothering to knock, knowing Charlie would have left it unlocked for the guests.

As soon as the door swings open, Juliette is welcomed in with the sound of music being played over speakers and the chatter of other people. She slips into the house, kicking off her shoes by the front door before wandering deeper until she is on the edge of the living room, looking out at the scene of multiple friends and acquaintances, all laughing and drinking.

“Julie!!”

The screech of joy comes from Elsie, who bounces over to Juliette sweeping her into a hug, her own long blonde hair tickling Juliette’s shoulders. Juliette laughs as she is spun around by the sheer force of Elsie’s hug.

“I’m so glad you made it!” Elsie continues shouting, drawing the attention of a few people around them.

“Hi, Elsie,” Juliette giggles into her friends embrace, finally pulling away and meeting her bright gaze. “It’s good to see you too.”

“A drink! You need a drink!” Elsie says, mind going a mile a minute as it always did, grabbing Juliette’s hand and drags her to the adjoining kitchen. “Charlie stocked everything but people have also brought their own drinks so there’s plenty to go around.”

Elsie’s words are confirmed as soon as the two of them enter the kitchen, Juliette’s eyes almost bugging out of her head at the various alcohol cans and bottles lining in the kitchen island.

“There’s also a keg outside.”

“Oh, god, how long until someone does a keg stand?” Juliette playfully grimaces, turning to Elsie who shares her laughter.

“Corey already tried to convince some people to do one but thankfully, we aren’t at that point yet. I think we are trying to keep it somewhat classy.”

“Oh yeah, a bunch of twenty-somethings in a cabin with a ton of alcohol is definitely how we keep it classy.”

“Okay, the important word in that sentence was trying,” Elsie laughs. Juliette just responds with a shake of her head before grabbing a vodka seltzer and following Elsie back into the living room.

For the next hour or so, Juliette spends her time greeting and catching up with old friends as well as being introduced to some people that she didn’t know; mostly new romantic partners but some friends of friends. It seemed as if Charleen managed to cram almost all of their old homeroom into her lake house and everyone invited brought at least two other people with them.

Eventually, Juliette settled down on one of the couches, talking to Elsie’s twin brother Evan. It is in the middle of their conversation with when she hears a commotion. And when she turns her eyes towards the noise, she sees Adam walking into the room, the grin on his face and a six pack of beer in each hand, a bunch of people cheering around him.

She can’t help the roll of her eyes and the shake of her head at his entrance.

“It’s like he’s the next coming of Christ,” Evan jokes to her, reading her reaction.

“The local celebrity graces us with his presence,” Juliette quips back, causing a laugh to fall from the blond. Although, even with her snarky words, Juliette can’t stop her eyes from jumping back to Adam as he wanders back into the room, a single beer in his hand and the plain white t-shirt highlighting the warmth of his skin and the strength of his body.

“Have you talked to him?” Evan asks, pulling her attention back to him.

“We actually ran into each other earlier today, at the grocery store of all places.”

“And how was that?”

“What do you mean?” Juliette asks, her eyebrows furrowing at Evan’s question.

“Come on, Julie. You two were practically attached at the hip in high school. He came over to our house with you almost as many times as you did alone.”

“Yeah, but that was years ago. He’s off doing bigger and better things. Probably doesn’t think about me that much anymore.”

“Did you recognize him earlier today at the store or did he recognize you?”

“He did…” she replies, the words trailing off as she tries to uncover Evan’s meaning.

“So, he recognized you after almost eight years. That’s a long time, Julie. Plus, judging by the way his eyes have been attached to you since he walked in, I think it’s safe to say he remembers you well enough.”

“What?”

Juliette’s head spins towards Adam and is immediately met with his blue eyes locked on her frame. Eventually, their eyes connect and Juliette watches as a smile breaks out on Adam’s face as he tips his beer towards her in a silent greeting.

Juliette lifts her hand up in a small wave and as soon as the motion happens, her hand flies back down and she tears her gaze away, only to be greeted with Evan’s smug face.

“Shut up,” she mutters, taking another drink of her seltzer, the skin on the back of her neck heating up at Evan’s laugh.

“My god, you still have a crush on him,” Evan says. “Oh, this is hilarious.”

“Shut up Evan.”

“Nah, this is great. Eight years and you’re still pining over him.”

“I am not pining over him.”

“It’s okay, I get it. He was pretty hot back then and he’s only gotten hotter with age. Fine wine and all that nonsense.”

The look that Juliette shoots Evan is one of bemusement as Evan glances over towards Adam before jumping back to her.

“What? I’m gay as shit, remember? Besides, even if I wasn’t, I’ve got eyes.”

“Well, then, why don’t you go and talk to him.”

“Not my type,” Evan replies dismissively causing another snorting laugh to fall from her mouth. When she looks back up to Evan, the expression on his face is still teasing but Juliette recognizes the sincerity underneath his features. “Just go and talk to him, Julie. Even if it’s just as an old friend.”

Evan’s advice bounces around her skull, the proposition sounding so easy and so effortless. But perhaps it was that simple. Maybe Juliette was the one making everything more complicated than it had to be, adding to much weight to a moment that would end up being inconsequential.

For what seemed like the hundredth time that evening, a heavy sigh escapes Juliette as she glances back towards Adam, whose attention was now directed to Marina and her new fiancé. She looks back at Evan, sitting patiently to see her next move.

“You’re like an annoying younger brother, you know that?” Juliette says, the playful tone lightening the blunt words.

“I’m technically older than you.”

“Yeah, yeah, technically,” Juliette says, lifting herself up off the couch, stretching her arms over her head.

“Go get him, tiger,” Evan quips, to which she replies with a quick middle finger thrown over her shoulder, an action which elicits another cackle from Evan as she walks away.

As she wanders into the kitchen, Juliette’s eyes scan over the assortment of alcohol laid out over the counters. The smart thing to do would be to grab another seltzer and nurse that for as long as possible. But she promised Evan that she would talk to Adam and if there was one thing she knew about Evan, he would continue to nag her until she did.

But considering the fluttering of her heart at the mere thought of holding a conversation with the man she still harbored feelings for, she knew she was going to need a stronger drink to help loosen her inhibitions at least a little bit. Just so she wouldn’t embarrass herself.

Although, drunk Juliette could be an embarrassment all on her own. It was a calculate risk.

One that, after a minute of thinking, Juliette decides to take. She grabs some random mixer and pours it into one of the cheap plastic cups that were stacked nearby. She is halfway through adding the vodka when, for the second time that day, Adam’s voice sounds from behind her.

“Do you remember that time your parents let us make our own drinks?”

The smile that comes to Juliette’s face is automatic as she continues to focus on her current task, replying without looking back.

“During the Labour Day barbeque? Of course.”

“I think they ended up regretting that idea later,” Adam says, the edge of his words painted with a breathy chuckle. Juliette also giggles, grabbing her drink before turning to see Adam standing on the other end of the island.

“That was just because someone heard if you mixed blue raspberry vodka with Mountain Dew of all things, it would taste like a Baja Blast.”

“Well, I mean, it did.”

“Yeah, and that was the problem!” Juliette laughs, shaking her head slightly at the still blurry memories of her and Adam acting like complete fools. “I still don’t remember how many of those we managed to drink before falling asleep on the couch in the basement.”

“It sure was a night,” Adam sighs, his eyes darting away, looking down at the half-eaten plates of snacks that Charleen had laid out earlier.

Juliette watches as he reaches out to take a carrot, trying not to get distracted by how elegant his fingers looked. Her attempt was quickly derailed as it took Adam clearing his throat to get her eyes to snap back to his. She has to push away the blush that she feels rising, hiding her face behind her cup as she takes another sip of alcohol.

Juliette half expects Adam to call her out on it, never one to pass up an opportunity to tease her. But he doesn’t. Instead, he once again shoots her that gentle smile and Juliette stops herself from taking another drink to quiet the pounding of her heart.

“What do you remember about the morning after?” Adam asks. His question causes another sigh of laughter to fall, his return to normal conversation giving her some relief.

“That I couldn’t eat for like a full 8 hours. As far as hangovers go, I never want to experience that again.”

“It wasn’t that bad.”

“Oh, I’m sorry we don’t all have the tolerance of a professional athlete.”

“Hey, I wasn’t professional back then,” he retorts.

“Still an athlete,” Juliette sing-songs into her cup, the action making Adam chuckle and shake his head.  

“Fine, I’ll give you that.”

There’s another small pause and Juliette takes the chance to think over Adam’s words. The conversation had been pretty normal, reminiscing over the past as friends would, specifically a memory that was similar to the current situation. But there was one aspect of it that nagged at the back of her mind – a loose thread of sorts. And Juliette decides to tug at it.

“So, did you not wake up still drunk the morning after that Labour Day?”

“I mean, I was definitely hungover. But, uh, waking up the morning after with you curled up next to me… it made the splitting headache a little better.”

It takes a minute for Adam’s confession to register but when they finally do, Juliette has to smother the immediate surprise that his words bring.

Waking up next to you made it better.

The words spin around in Juliette’s head, burrowing into every crevice of her brain and stoking the flames of that every present spark of hope that was still burning after all this time.

Waking up next to you made it better.

The critical voice in her head chooses to speak up, telling Juliette that he didn’t confess to anything. Waking up with a hangover alone, or even with a complete stranger, would absolutely be worse than waking up to a friend.

“Shouldn’t have been that life-changing,” Juliette forces herself to say, attempting to brush off his words and pretending that they didn’t affect her as much as they did. “We’ve slept in the same bed before.”

“I know,” Adam replies, his own voice non-committal, his eyes once again falling away from her.

Another silence falls but this time, there is a tension with it. One that is suffocating and Juliette hates the feeling of it. Hates how it hangs. But she isn’t sure how to fix it. So, she does the one thing that she knows how to do.

Leave. Before things take a turn for the worse.

“Um,” she begins, calling Adam’s attention to her again and her words stick in her throat for a moment at the way his blue eyes pierce into hers. “I better be getting back. Evan was just about to tell me about his most recent terrible blind date.”

“Okay,” Adam replies. His eyes stay glued to Juliette’s body as she starts to walk towards the kitchen exit. “Talk to you later?”

“Of course,” Juliette hums, almost at the threshold to re-enter the living room. She is about to exit when Adam’s voice once again stops her.

“Hey, Jules?”

The nickname makes her turn back to look at Adam and a small trill is sent down her spine as she watched Adam’s gaze shamelessly rake up and down her body before their eyes lock again.

“You look really… pretty, by the way.”

“Thanks,” Juliette says, the compliment warming her from the inside. “You don’t look half-bad yourself,” she returns. A deep chuckle rumbles from Adam’s chest as he shakes his head, a move that was familiar to her; it was the response she always provoked from him whenever she did something amusing or embarrassing. Or both.

Juliette hightails it away from the kitchen, internally cringing at her awkward words before taking another hearty drink from her now half-empty glass.

If the night was going to continue like this, she was definitely going to be refilling her cup multiple times before the party was over. She spies Evan still on the couch, now talking to Thomas and Kristy. She darts over before sitting down next to him, listening to their conversation, both in order to calm her spinning mind and to join in.

It’s only a few seconds until there is a small lull in the conversation and that is when Evan shoots her a glance, one eyebrow raised in a silent question that Juliette doesn’t need him to voice to understand.

“Don’t even ask,” she mutters into her cup. Evan just gently bumps his shoulder against hers in reply and that casual ease is what finally allows her to relax, focusing on the talk around her and reorienting herself to the party that was filled with her friends.

As the party continues into the night, it slowly dwindles down. People take off, heading back to their own homes and families. The later it gets, the more the party shifts, from its previous riot to a more relaxed get-together. Eventually, Juliette finds herself lingering with the remaining guests, all of them huddled around the firepit constructed on the sandy lakeshore out back.

Juliette takes another sip from her cup now filled with water as she relaxes, listening to the chatter of those around her, breathing in the fresh air of the pines and feeling the cool sand beneath her bare feet.

She is so focused on the present moment that she doesn’t even notice Adam’s approach, didn’t see the way his eyes softened at the sight of her. The sound of him clearing his throat causes Juliette’s eyes to fly open, meeting his gaze in the low firelight.

“Is this seat taken?” Adam asks, gesturing to the empty expanse of the wooden log she was perched on.

“Not at all,” comes her easy reply, scooting over to allow Adam enough room to sit down. And Juliette cannot suppress the shiver that runs through her when Adam’s knee knocks against hers.

They sit there is silence for a moment, just the crackling of fire and the chit-chat of the people around them being the only noise in the night until Juliette breaks the silence.

“So, I hear you got a dog?”

“Yeah, Banks. He’s a golden retriever.”

Adam continues to talk about his new puppy, even going to show Juliette videos of Banks and his adorable retriever smile. The icebreaker leads them to finally take the time to catch up on their respective lives; careers, pets – or lack thereof in Juliette’s case, homes, and all the rest. Almost every detail, from the menial to the major.

Throughout the conversation, Juliette notices a few pauses in Adam’s speech; that he sometimes takes more time to tell her things that don’t seem complicated. Like he’s hiding something. Like he doesn’t want her to see all of him.

She hates it. Because even though there was still a small flame of attraction for Adam, she would be fine with just having her best friend back – the one that was never afraid to tell her exactly how he felt.

Which is what leads her to press a little further.

“So, life’s been good in Winnipeg?” she asks, leaning closer to Adam to really hear his answer

“Yeah. I mean, haven’t gotten everything I wanted yet but it’s still pretty good,” he replies, shooting her a small smile. She doesn’t have time to pry more before Adam deflects the conversation back to her. “How about you?”

“Eh, still figuring things out. But I have plenty of time to decide where I want my life to go.”

“You were always really good at that; just letting things happen naturally.”

“I wouldn’t say that,” Juliette laughs, shaking her head lightly. “I think I’m just really good at disguising my true emotions which makes it seem like I’m easy-going.”

“Really? How so?”

“Oh, I don’t know. Like… relationships or dating for example. It’s easy for me to flirt with people I’m not really interested in. It’s easy because I know I’m never going to let them get too close to me. I don’t have to try so hard to be the girl they want me to be because… I was never planning on being their girl anyway,” she explains, the lingering alcohol in her veins loosening her tongue. She looks at Adam, watching as her words sink in, his brow furrowing.

“Was that true back in high school?” Adam asks. “Like, when you were dating Pierce, you weren’t actually interested in him?”

A small shocked movement goes through Juliette, surprised that Adam even remembered the guy she dated back then. She doesn’t linger on the knowledge that Adam didn’t seem to forget, even after eight years, choosing instead to shrug her shoulders before replying.

“He wasn’t looking for anything serious. And it was nice to have someone.”

Juliette doesn’t tell him that back then, Pierce offered her more than just a warm bed. He was also a placeholder, someone to help her suppress her feelings towards Adam. In a way, she had been disguising herself for years.

Her eyes jump back to Adam, who is staring into the fire pit, seemingly deep in thought. Juliette waits for him to speak, even though every second that passes feels like torture and the anxiety starts to gnaw at the frayed edges of her mind. Eventually, Adam looks back at her and there it is – that pang in her heart.

Because he’s looking at her with those soft eyes. An expression that she had seen only occasionally back when they were kids. An expression she never thought she’d see again.

“You know you don’t have to try with me, right?”

Juliette hears the words but they don’t fully register, don’t fully connect at first. She lets out a somewhat dismissive laugh, nudging Adam’s thigh with her knee.

“Yeah, that’s why we’re friends,” she giggles, glancing away as she takes another sip of water. There’s another small pause and Juliette thinks that that is the end of it. But then she feels the warmth of Adam’s palm envelop her knee, the touch causing her eyes to snap back towards him. His expression had shifted – still soft but there is a hardened sense of earnestness underneath it.

“No, I mean, you don’t have to try.”

The words are repeated, nothing new said. But it’s the way he says it that causes Juliette’s heart to skip a beat. The chill from the lake disappears as the heat floods her body. But unfortunately, while the heat comes in full force, so does the anxiety.

Why was he saying this? Did he really mean it? Did he know how she felt? Does he feel the same?

These questions and more spin around in her mind, rendering her silent, her eyes just wide and still, staring at Adam. She barely registers the shift in his own expression, her silence no doubt causing some doubt of his own to enter his mind.

“Jules…”

“I don’t want to hear this.”

The thought comes over her in an instant, cutting through the rest of the static in her brain. Whether he was going to comfort her, or rescind his words, or try to explain them more, she didn’t want to hear it.

“I need to get more water,” she mumbles, the words fall past her lips in a jumble of syllables, barely coherent. But it didn’t really matter when they were accompanied by the speed in which she lifted herself up, retreating back into the now empty house and into the kitchen. And as she fills up her cup again, her confusion resurfaces.

What the fuck was happening?

Was Adam trying to pick her up? Is that what that meant? And if so, why was she so scared of it? That’s what she wanted. That’s the reason she wore this dress. The reason she was here.

So, if it worked, if her efforts paid off, why was she running away?

Because it had never worked before. Not with any of the guys in the past eight years. It didn’t even work with Adam back in high school. Sure, she didn’t tell him outright that she wanted more back then. But that didn’t mean that she didn’t drop hints to him, hoping that he would understand them and take that first step himself. But he remained oblivious for those last few months and then he was gone.

And of course, now – now after years of not talking – he finally reciprocates. And that was terrifying.

It was easy not to be wanted, to be casual, to be friends. Nothing was real; there was no risks and no consequences to unrequited feelings. But now… if she took that step with Adam, whatever tenuous strand of friendship that they were still clinging to would be irrevocably shifted and changed.

What the fuck was she going to do?

Juliette heaves a sigh, walking out of the kitchen, debating on what her next step should be. Should she take the leap? Pretend Adam’s words didn’t tangle her in knots like they did? Fully run away by hopping in her car without saying goodbye?

Perhaps unfortunately for her, Juliette doesn’t have the chance to make the final decision. Because when she enters the living room, looking up from her glass, Adam is standing there waiting for her.

“Jules,” he starts, taking a step towards her.

“Please stop calling me that.”

“Why?”

“No one ever calls me that,” Juliette explains, her voice dismissive as she takes another sip of her drink, still trying to settle the pounding of her heart.

“No one? Not one other person has ever called you Jules? A friend? A boyfriend? No one?” Adam asks, taking a step towards her after every single question until he is standing in front of her, his body towering over her.

“No one,” she confirms, her voice faltering with the nerves still thrumming through her body.

“Only me?”

Juliette takes a deep breath, steeling herself for the words she was about to speak, knowing that they would be more of a confession than anything else she could possibly say. It takes a moment before her hazel eyes open, connecting to him.

“That nickname has only ever been for you.”

The words hang in the air between them and Juliette watches as they register on Adam’s face and her heart pangs when that soft, gentle smile appears on his face; a smile that was always reserved for her. Her heartbeat doesn’t settle when Adam’s hand lifts up to brush away the loose curl from Juliette’s forehead, his finger twirling around the strand before placing it behind her ear. His fingers don’t stray far as they move to brush along her jawline and she knows Adam can see the goosebumps his touch causes.

“What else is only mine?” Adam questions, his voice dropping impossibly deeper as his face moves closer towards Juliette’s.

“Do you really have to ask?”

“I need you to say it, Jules. Tell me what’s going on in that pretty head of yours.”

This was the moment. There was more delaying, no time for hesitation. It was time for a decision. One that felt impossible for Juliette to make. But then Adam’s thumb brushes against her cheek, pulling her attention away from her thoughts and back to him.

“Don’t overthink it, Jules. It’s okay,” he whispers, his voice as delicate as his touch. “You don’t have to try with me, remember?”

It’s those words that cause that last wall to come crashing down, a shuddering breath running through Juliette. She closes her eyes, digging deeply for the strength to speak the truth that she had known for a long time.

“I am, Adam. Only yours. I think I always have been.”

Juliette’s response is enough for Adam to finally close the gap between them, his lips coming to press against hers. And even though Juliette could see the kiss coming, the feeling of it – the reality of it – still made her almost drop her glass.

Because Adam was kissing her. He was actually kissing her.

It’s Juliette that deepens the kiss, pushing up on her toes to press her body closer to Adam, relishing the groan that escapes him as his hands fly to her hips in order to keep her body pinned to his. Somehow, Juliette manages to find some flat surface nearby to set down her cup and as soon as the cheap plastic is out of her hands, they fly up to tangle in Adam’s hair, kisses never ceasing.

It feels like an eternity before Adam finally pulls away from her and Juliette’s eyes reconnect with his, registering the dark black of his pupils almost swallowing the bright blue of his irises.

There aren’t any words spoken between the two of them as Adam steps back. There was no time to speak before he is taking her hand in his and leading her down the hallway. Juliette was still trying to piece her mind back together after the dizzying kiss that she doesn’t protest as Adam drags her along, doesn’t question when Adam leads her up the stairs and into the second-floor bathroom.

She definitely doesn’t complain when Adam locks the door behind him and pulls her back into his arms, their lips connecting again. Adam uses his strong body to push Juliette against the sink countertop, a chill rushing down her spine as the cool marble hits the back of her bare thighs.

Adam’s hands are all over her body, pulling her closer to him, pressing her frame against his. A gasp falls from Juliette when Adam’s hands cup the back of her legs, lifting her up onto the countertop with an ease that sends another rush of heat down to her core.

Eventually, Adam’s lips fall from her own and begin to move across her jawline, down the smooth expanse of her throat. Juliette can’t help the way her hips roll when Adam pauses against her neck, sucking a hickey into her pale skin with a fierceness that is exquisite in its sting. Adam moves again, his lips trailing down across her collarbones, dancing across the top of her cleavage, before he pulls away to flick his eyes back up to hers.

“What else is only for me, Jules?” he asks, reiterating the question that led them here. “Is this dress for me?”

There is no hesitancy as Juliette’s response comes in an empathetic nod of her head. A whine escapes her as Adam’s fingers deftly trace along the neckline and she can hear him moan at the sight of her nipples straining through the fabric.

“Only wore it so you could take it off,” Juliette murmurs, slightly shocked at how Adam was able to pull the truth from her so effortlessly. The only response Adam gives is a low chuckle, his hands moving up to momentarily play with the thin straps between his fingers before he oh so painstakingly slides them off her shoulders.

Juliette lets him pull the fabric down, exposing her bare chest to the harsh light of the bathroom, another groan falling from his lips at the sight of her.

“Fuck, you’re so beautiful,” he mutters before moving forward, his lips resuming their former place against her sternum, now free to roam further down. A soft moan escapes Juliette as Adam’s lips close around her nipple, teasing it and causing another involuntary roll of her hips. Adam pauses on her chest for a moment, to give both of her breasts an ample amount of attention before continuing to move his lips down, over the ridges of her ribs.

“What are you – ” Juliette attempts to ask as he sinks to his knees in front of her but the question is quickly cut off when Adam’s strong hands pull apart her thighs and his soft lips connect to the delicate skin.

“What do you think I’m doing?” he whispers again her inner thighs, lips slowly moving further up. “Tell me what else is mine, Jules.”

The shiver that runs through Juliette’s body is in response to Adam’s movements, her legs opening wider both to give him access and as a silent plea. If Adam notices, he doesn’t take the bait, his lips lingering just inches from where she wants him.

“What else?” he asks and a shuddering breath falls from Juliette as one of his hands sneaks up towards the soft grey cotton of her thong, the fabric flooding with her need as Adam presses a finger against her slit.

“Is this all for me?” he continues, his touch moving upwards to rub her clit, pulling a whine from Juliette as her hips jolt forwards once more. “Tell me Jules,” Adam softly demands, his movements never stopping. “What else is mine?”

“I am,” Juliette whispers, the words coming out shaky, not only due to the feeling of Adam’s fingers against her but also the lingering anxiety that laced itself between the syllables. Adam manages to hear that hesitancy within her voice and he tears himself away, looking up to lock his eyes with hers once more.

“I’m yours, Adam,” she continues, the gentle expression on his face calming her, allowing the truth to be spoken with ease. “All of me.”

Adam doesn’t give Juliette a verbal response but she can see the shift in his expression as he takes in her words, sees his lips uptick in a smile. He raises his body up slightly to allow Juliette to close the gap between them, pulling him into another kiss, her hands tangling in his hair once more. She moans into his mouth as she feels his hands sneaking underneath the hemline of her dress and finding the elastic waistband of her panties, pulling away from her lips as he pulls the fabric away from her core.

He shoots a quick smirk up at her before his large hands are pushing her thighs even further apart, the movement causing the bottom of her dress to slip up over her hips. Juliette barely has time to react before Adam’s head is ducking down again, his lips retracing their movement against her inner thighs until they finally, finally, connect with her core.

The sharp gasp that leaves Juliette’s mouth is the only sound that escapes as her hands tighten in his hair, pulling him impossibly deeper into her, an action that sends a chuckle rumbling from Adam’s chest, the vibration of it sending another jolt through Juliette.

The whines and moans only increase as Adam continues to move, his tongue dipping into her folds, groaning at her taste. His lips eventually wander up to wrap around her clit and the way he sucks, the way his tongue flicks over the sensitive bundle of nerves almost causes Juliette to come undone.

“Oh fuck,” Juliette moans, hips rolling up to chase Adam’s lips.

“Yeah? Just like that?” comes Adam’s questioning voice before he repeats the movement, another high-pitched whimper falling from Juliette. “Come on sweetheart. I want you to cum for me.”

His simple request and the repeated motion of his mouth against her is all it takes for that peak to come crashing over Juliette, thighs tightening around Adam’s head before his hands lift to hold them open as his mouth continues its movements, eagerly lapping up her release, the vibration of his own groans causing her orgasm to be prolonged.

The crest eventually subsides, leaving Juliette’s still exposed chest heaving as Adam’s lips move back to kiss at the apex of her thighs. But before the desire completely disappears, before Juliette is slammed back into the reality of where she was and what just happened, another moan is pulled past her lips as Adam’s hand sneaks between her legs, his fingers once again coming to press against her slit, this time unobstructed.

“Fuck Jules, you feel so fucking good,” he groans into her soft skin, a finger plunging into her core, the welcomed intrusion sending another flush of heat through her body, no doubt painting her chest a more mottled scarlet than before.

“Adam,” she whines, the hand still tangled in his hair tugging him upwards. He obliges, lifting himself off his knees but still keeps his hand between her thighs, one finger pumping into her core before he slides another in.

The moan that escapes from Juliette is swallowed quickly by Adam crashing his lips back to hers, kissing her deeply as he continues his movements. Juliette breaks away from the kiss when Adam curls his fingers within her, the motion causing him to graze over that one spot that had her seeing stars. Adam reads her reaction with ease and is smart enough to repeat the motion, causing another delectable moan to fall from her.

Juliette’s eyes jump down to stare at Adam’s arms, taking in the the way his veins became more prominent with every motion, her moans becoming erratic as Adam once again brings her closer and closer to her peak. Without thinking, the hand that had she had been using to support her body flew to wrap around Adam’s forearm, as if to silently beg him to keep it there. It was an additional bonus for her to feel his muscles flex as his fingers continued move within her.

“That’s right darling,” Adam sighs out, his breath hot against the shell of her ear. “Give me another one. Prove to me that you’re all mine.”

His sudden possessiveness is what drives Juliette over the edge again, her second orgasm crashing over her. The feeling of her clenching around Adam’s fingers pulls a groan from him, one he muffles by burying his mouth into the junction of Juliette’s neck and shoulder, his lips and teeth marking her once more.

It takes a moment for both of them to catch their breath before Adam is pulling away, his hands and body retreating from Juliette’s. He doesn’t stray far, only taking one step back and Juliette can’t help but bask in the way his eyes rake over her still exposed body.

Juliette appraises him similarly, eyes jumping down to the bulge in his jeans. That sight renews her hunger as she slides off the countertop, not bothering to adjust anything before sinking to her knees in front of Adam. Her hands crawl up his thick thighs towards his belt buckle. She barely has the chance to start to undo the leather when Adam’s hands reach down and halt her movements.

“No Jules,” Adam says. “Not here.”

“But I want to,” she replies, looking up at him, her eyes still blown wide in pure need.

Adam reaches down to cup her face and Juliette leans into his touch, his large palm almost covering her entire cheek. Adam holds out his other hand to her and there is only a moment before Juliette places her hand in his. He pulls her off the tile floor, not waiting even a millisecond before pulling her into him again, lips crashing together. Juliette wraps her arms around him, reveling in the way he touches her and kisses her until she feels drunk. Adam eventually breaks away, his warm breath fanning over her cheeks.

“Let me take you home, Jules.”

Juliette response is an assured nod, desperation still fueling her actions and Adam can’t stop the small laugh that escapes him. Juliette feels his hands moving against her but this time, it’s to pull the hem of her dress down, covering her. She pulls the top half back over her chest and reaches for the denim jacket, oh so carelessly left on the bathroom counter. But when she pulls the fabric back over her shoulders, her keys fall out of the pocket and onto the tile with a clatter, reminding her of a small snag in their plan.

“Wait, we came here separately,” she says, halting Adam at the doorway. “And I’m not about to try and explain why I’m leaving my car here.”

“Right. Fuck, um,” Adam says, pausing with his hand on the handle, his free hand coming to run through his hair. “Do you want to lead the way?” he asks, looking back at her.

“Back to my place?”

“Yeah,” he replies. “I mean, only if you want to.”

Juliette smiles, slowly walking over to him. She slides between him and the still closed door before lifting herself up to connect their lips again. Adam happily melts into the kiss, pressing her against the solid wood. Juliette lets her hands wander down, once again dancing over Adam’s belt buckle before dipping a little lower and she can’t help the satisfied feeling that rushes through her when Adam breaks from the kiss with a groan as she gently palms him through his jeans.

“If we leave now, we can be there in 15,” she says, not halting her movements as she captures Adam’s lips in hers again. This time, Adam voluntarily pulls away, reaching down to stop her hands before grinning back at her.

“You gonna break the speed limit?”

“Are you?”

Adam’s immediately grabs Juliette’s hips, pulling her into his body before lifting her feet off the tile, spinning her away from the door. She gasps at the ease in which he could maneuver her, the heat once again moving through her body at the possibilities his strength could provide as the night went on. Adam leans in to press a quick kiss onto her lips before moving back, his eyes heavy as he looks down at her.

“I don’t want to be away from you any longer than I have to,” he says, turning the handle and holding the door open for Juliette. She steps through, looking back at Adam with a mischievous smirk.

“Just don’t get pulled over.”

The morning sunlight shines through the cracks in Juliette’s white curtains, hitting her closed eyes. The concentrated beam causes her eyelashes to flutter open, softly groaning as she burrows deeper into her sheets. As she does, the weight of another shifts and Juliette’s eyes open to see Adam sleeping peacefully, the sun causing his hair to alight in a beautiful auburn.

Last night…

It was everything that Juliette could’ve wanted; everything she could’ve dreamt it to be. Adam made her feel… everything. All those thoughts and emotions that she had been holding back for ages, he brought forth with the touch of his hands on her skin.

He made her feel desired. He told her as much. And she had told him that she was his.

But words said in the heat of passion may not hold in the harsh light of day.

They needed to talk. Actually sit down and have a conversation about everything that had happened, every word said.

The conviction in her mind makes Juliette sit upright in bed, the covers falling from her body as she stretches her arms over her head. Perhaps she would make breakfast, or order in, or something. Food always seemed to help hard conversations become a little easier.

Juliette swings her legs over the edge of the mattress and right as her feet hit the floor, she hears the vibration of Adam’s phone rattling against the wood of her nightstand. She quickly circles the bed, intending to hit the lock button to silence what she assumes to be an alarm, as to not disturb him. Let him rest a little longer. But when the screen comes into view, she sees that it is not an alarm, but a Facetime call attempting to come through.

And when Juliette’s brain registers the picture and caller ID on the screen, her heart stops beating.

She doesn’t move, just stares at the phone as it continues to ring, memorizing the face of the girl wrapped in Adam’s arms in the image plastered on the screen; the blonde of her hair, her smile. The two hearts framing her caller ID.

The phone eventually silences but before Juliette can take another breath, a text message pops up.

Betty You’re probably still asleep. I forget that you’re in a different time-zone. Hope you had fun at the party! Call me whenever you wake up! Love you! Message received May 27th at 8:41am

Juliette doesn’t move; her feet feeling like stone weights, her heart collapsing in on itself like a dying star. She is so stuck in the moment where everything she thought she knew shifted on its axis that she barely registers the rustling of sheets next to her, the gentle groan of Adam rousing from his sleep.

“Morning,” Adam mumbles and Juliette can hear him turn his body towards her. But she doesn’t look at him, just keeps her eyes locked to the phone, her mind racing with the truth that Adam withheld.

He lied to her. He made her an accomplice in his infidelity. Turned her into something she never wanted to be. The temptress, the mistress, the other woman.

“Jules?”

There’s that fucking nickname again, falling from his lips and Juliette doesn’t want to acknowledge the ache in her heart when she hears him say her name like that. Because she knows that she would do anything he asked if he would just say it again.

She clenches her jaw and finally tears her eyes away from the nightstand, moving to look at Adam laying in the messy sheets. And when her hazel eyes connect to his, she wishes she could erase the feeling of desire that comes rushing to the surface.

Because he is not hers to want.

She knows that now.

“Who’s Betty?”

The words echo around her bedroom and Juliette can feel them hanging in the air as she watches Adam’s brow furrow before the realization drops. And he looks as if he’s been shot.

“Good,” she thinks. He should feel disgusted for what he did. For lying to her. For leading her on.

“Jules, I can explain,” Adam begins but Juliette cuts him off with a scoff.

“You can explain? Explain what, Adam? That you –”

Juliette spins away from him, her hand coming up to her mouth. She didn’t want to say the words, didn’t want to speak the truth into existence. But there was no avoiding this.

“Who is she?” she asks again, not bothering to turn around to face Adam again, instead choosing to stare out the window at the rising sun, not caring if the light caused her eyes to water. The tears would’ve come eventually. Better to blame it on something else instead of the feeling of her heart shattering.

“She’s my girlfriend,” Adam confesses, his voice soft with defeat.

Another scoff falls from Juliette as her lips purse, her head slightly shaking. Her arms cross in front of her stomach as she continues to look forward. She tries to ignore the sound of Adam sliding out from underneath her sheets, the gentle sound of his footsteps crossing the short distance between them, the heat of his body behind her. She ignores it until she can’t, when his hands slide across her arms before stopping over hers, holding her in his embrace.

She should push him off her, throw him out of her house and her life. But she doesn’t. She doesn’t move, doesn’t speak, barely breathes.

She just waits. Waits for him to speak. To tell her. Tell her what exactly, she isn’t sure. Because she knows that any word out of his mouth would just plunge the knife deeper.

The silence lasts for a long moment, neither of them brave enough to make the first move. Until Juliette feels Adam’s hands shift, moving to her biceps, gently gripping them.

“Jules, look at me. Please.”

She tries to resist the pull of him, not just the physical pull but the tug of her heart, begging her to listen even though her mind knew better. Eventually, she turns, her eyes closing, wanting to hold off on staring into those beautiful blue eyes.

It’s the gentle touch of his fingers against her chin that finally forces her eyes to flutter open. She can see his expression shift as he registers the tears on her cheeks and the blankness in her gaze.

“I’m sorry,” he says and Juliette can’t help the small huff of laughter that escapes as her eyes move away for a quick moment before coming back to his.

“For what? Sorry for what?”

“For not telling you,” Adam begins and – in a reaction that was long overdue – Juliette feels her sad numbness finally shift into anger.

“You’re damn right you should’ve told me!” she says, tearing her arms away from him and pacing to the other side of her bedroom. “What, did you think I would be okay with this? Do you think I wanted this?”

“You wanted this last night,” Adam mutters and the words sink in, causing the fire in Juliette to blaze higher, another scoff falling from her lips.

“Don’t you dare try to pin this on me. I’m not the one who fucked someone else while they’re girlfriend was waiting for them two provinces away!”

“I’m sorry.”

“Stop saying that! Stop apologizing to me like that’s going to fix everything. What the fuck were you thinking, Adam?”

“You want to know what I was thinking?” he says, turning towards her with a fierceness in his eyes that makes Juliette take a step back. “I was thinking; here’s this girl that I had been friends with for years, that looks more beautiful than she did the last day I saw her, and that looks like she wants me just as much as I want her.”

It takes a moment for his words to break through the fire that surrounded Juliette but when they finally do sink in, it smothers the blaze as quickly as it came.

Because it feelslike he is telling her the truth. The words he spoke… they don’t feel hollow. They don’t feel like words he spewed just to assuage her, to calm her. They feel real. But then again, so did last night.

Juliette doesn’t respond, just stays in place, letting her silence stretch until Adam takes it as a sign to continue.

“Betty and I…” Adam starts, the sentence trailing off as he tries to put his thoughts in order. “I care about her. I do. And I know it might not seem like it based on, well, everything. But when I saw you again… I don’t know if I can explain it. Something hit me, like I was seeing you for the first time.”

Adam takes a step towards Juliette, his footsteps delicate against the hardwood of her bedroom floor. He approached her cautiously, as if she was a wounded animal backed into a corner. Which she very well might be, based on how razor-thin close she was to shattering.

“I thought that I would die if I didn’t have you.”

Juliette can feel the tears start to well in her eyes and she tries to push them down. But it is futile as Adam’s voice continues to gently call, his hand moving to reach out to her.  

“Jules. My Jules.”

“Don’t.”

“Please.”

“Adam… don’t,” she repeats, the words growing thick with all the emotions that she had suppressed for so long. She feels the first teardrop fall the second that Adam grabs her hand, his touch pulling an involuntary reaction from her, like it did last night underneath her bedsheets.

“It’s always been you. I’m sorry it took me this long to see it.”

His confession finally causes the damn to break open and it is purely instinctive, the way she collapses into his outstretched arms, her tear-stained cheeks pressing against his still bare chest.

Juliette isn’t sure about the meaning behind her tears, her mind too jumbled to make sense of anything except the feeling of Adam’s strong arms holding her tight. He doesn’t speak; he just lets the emotions pour out, his lips burrowed in her hair. 

There is no denying how wrong this situation is. Nothing would erase the newfound discovery of Adam’s girlfriend waiting in Winnipeg, waiting for a call back. But right now, Juliette can’t seem to find it in herself to care.

Because although she isn’t sure what is true… this, here, being in Adam’s arms feels right.

And if it feels this good, how could it possibly be wrong?

Eventually, Juliette’s tears run out, leaving her only with small sniffles and red eyes. Adam is still holding her, one of his hands running calming circles against her spine. It takes a moment for her to gather enough to strength to push away from him, although she doesn’t go far, content to stay encased in his arms.

“So,” she speaks, brushing away any lingering wetness from her cheeks before looking up towards Adam. “What are we going to do?”

Her heart shouldn’t leap at the sight of a grin breaking out on Adam’s face. But like every reaction that Adam pulls from her, she isn’t sure that she would’ve been able to stop it.

“What do you want me to do? Or need me to do?”

“I mean, breaking up with your girlfriend would be a good start,” Juliette says, trying to infuse some light-hearted teasing into her words. An ease that is quickly squashed by Adam’s response.

“I can’t. Not now.”

“But you said –” she starts, her eyebrow furrowing in confusion before Adam cuts her off, an explanation waiting on his lips.

“I know. And I promise, you are the only one I want, I swear. But I do care about Betty. I can’t just break it off with her over a phone call while she’s a thousand kilometers away. That wouldn’t be fair.”

“So, what does that mean for us, now? Am I just supposed to go on with my life after everything you told me? Are we supposed to go back to how it was before yesterday; when I tried to forget you and you did the same?”

“I never forgot about you,” Adam says, his head ducking down to kiss her but Juliette turns her head before he can.

“You know what I mean, Adam,” she says, sending him a serious look indicating that she wasn’t about to let this go that easily. Adam sighs, shaking his head while shooting her a small smile.

“Always so stubborn,” he murmurs. “There is no way we are going back to never talking. I’m not letting you go that easily, especially now that I finally have you.”

“So, what are we going to do?”

Another sigh escapes Adam’s chest as he looks up towards the ceiling in thought. Juliette waits patiently, wanting him to take the reins in this situation. Especially considering that this… thing was his idea.

“I think it’s best that we keep this,” he says, pulling her closer to emphasize the meaning behind his words, “private. There’s no way I’m not spending another night in your bed for the rest of the summer.”

The sultry cadence of his words causes a rush of heat to rise to Juliette’s cheeks, her head turning away shyly. Or attempting to turn away before Adam catches her chin, pulling her attention back towards his.

“But we can obviously hang out together. Like we did back in high school. No reason that what we do behind these four walls would change how we act outside of them. How’s that sound?”

The question is directed towards Juliette and she lets the proposition sink in, tearing it over in her head. She would be lying if she said she didn’t have reservations. The proposal was an affair – there was no other word that better defined it. But Adam didn’t frame it like that. It was a necessary but temporary situation. Nothing more.

Juliette isn’t sure what makes her shake her head in agreement. If it was desire or fear or desperation. But she doesn’t get a chance to examine the driving emotion further. Because as soon as she gives her silent answer, that smile appears on Adam’s face, the fingers underneath her chin lifting her head up to meet his eyes.

“I promise Jules,” he whispers against her lips. “Just a few months. And then I can be yours completely.”

And when he seals his vow with a kiss to her lips, the only thing that Juliette can put into words is how good it feels to have him right now.

The summer drifts by and sometimes, Juliette finds her mind drifting with it.

Her and Adam continue their affair. Juliette hates thinking about it like that but there was no other way to describe it. She knew about Betty, about the girl waiting back in Winnipeg for Adam, about the girl who had claimed the spot of partner in Adam’s life long before she did. Juliette doesn’t like to think about Betty though, often banishing any thought of her from her mind. Because thinking about Betty would mean acknowledging her own role in this – the other woman.

But it’s easy to forget whenever her and Adam are alone.

Adam is intoxicating: the way he touches her, the way he kisses her. The hours she spends with him are exhilarating; stolen moments in his car, kisses shared in secrecy behind garden fences and in secluded hallways, evenings in her room with their hips moving in tandem, mornings when Adam dips beneath her covers and looks up at her, grinning like devil from between her thighs.

The voice in the back of Juliette’s mind remains, occasionally speaking up, telling her this is going to end – badly. That she is walking a treacherous path and eventually, she’s going to pay for the missteps that she is making.

However, that voice gets weaker and weaker as the summer goes on.

Because the way Adam treats Juliette… it’s not temporary. Or at least, it doesn’t feel like it is temporary. He doesn’t act like she is some summer fling, something to illicit excitement for a few months and then abandon as soon as the weather turns cold.

No, Adam treats her like this is it, like this is the one romance that he always wanted.

It was dangerous, falling for him again. It left her with nothing but heartache the last time, pining after him: the one that got away.

But then he came back. Fate brought him back to her and he was here now. He was next to her and he was telling her all the things she dreamed about hearing. His sweet words drowned out everything in her mind that was screaming at her, telling her this was wrong.

Because how could it be?

When she woke up next to him, watching the sunlight dance over his skin…

When he wrapped his arms around her and held her close…

When he told her that she was the only one for him…

How could any of that be wrong?

Yes, there were moments where she didn’t want to leave the comfort of the sheets that she and Adam were tangled in. Because leaving the privacy of her bedroom walls meant pretending that he didn’t send a fire burning through her with every look, every touch. And sometimes, she got tired of pretending. Juliette wanted to be able to hold his hand while they were walking down the street, wanted to kiss him in front of their friends, wanted to show the world that he was hers.

But Adam always soothed her, told her that this was the only part of their summer romance that was temporary. She just had to wait a little longer. Just until he saw Betty in person.

Just a few more months.

The cool breeze blowing in from the lake ruffled Juliette’s hair, the curls still damp and her skin still warm. Adam always loved to kiss the freckles that appeared on her cheeks after the hours she spent in the sun and Jules loved the feeling of his lips on her skin.

She wanted to feel them again.

They had spent the day at the lake with their friends and it was fun and enjoyable. It sent Juliette back to those high school summers where everything was simpler. Sometimes she still found herself wanting to go back there because maybe then she would be braver. Maybe she would’ve told Adam how she felt before he went away.

Juliette feels the warmth of a palm appear on the bare skin of her thigh and her eye dart from the passing woods to Adam’s profile, sitting behind the wheel as he drives her back to his house.

Maybe she could’ve been braver. But he was here now and that was all that mattered.

They had to pretend for the entire day, keeping a friendly distance from each other, only giving into the rising temptation in the backseat of Adam’s car parked in a secluded spot by the lakeshore after all their friends had left. Juliette still wanted more, not quite satisfied. Sometimes it didn’t feel like enough. But these stolen moments… they were enough right now.

And every touch Adam placed against her skin was weighted with the promise of something more to come as soon as the night took hold.

But they would have to pretend for a little longer – long enough to sit through a dinner with Adam’s mother, father, and brother Joel, along with Elsie and Evan. Just like old times.

Juliette is snapped out of her reverie by Adam pulling into his driveway, putting the car in park before smiling over to her.

“Ready?” he asks. Juliette lets out a hum, her eyes darting towards the front door, knowing as soon as they stepped over that threshold, their masks of ‘just friends’ would have fall back into place. Her eyes return to Adam, a playful glint reflecting in them.

“I don’t know if I want to let you go yet.”

Adam doesn’t hesitate in responding to her stalling by leaning over the center console, his hand coming to grip the back of her neck and pulling her close, pressing his lips against hers. She willingly surrenders to the kiss, pushing her body towards him, her hand lifting to grip his wrist and hold him in place. Juliette breaks the kiss, pulling away before nuzzling her head into Adam’s palm, looking up at him with her best bedroom eyes.

The shudder runs through her body as she hears Adam exhale, her lips twitching upwards in delight, loving the response that she could pull from him.

“We’ll stay for two hours, tops,” Adam says, his own darkening eyes dancing over her frame and Juliette can almost see the pictures flashing through Adam’s mind, her own body heating with anticipation.

“I’m holding you to that,” she whispers before fully removing herself from Adam’s touch, opening the car door and slipping out. She doesn’t wait for him as she walks up the front porch steps, swinging open the door and kicking off her slides before following the sounds of conversation, leading her to the kitchen.

When she rounds the corner, her eyes gloss over the scene quickly, noticing Elsie standing next to Adam’s mom by the stove and Evan talking to his dad Dave over on the couch. Juliette is about halfway into the room when the back door opens and Joel walks in, holding an empty platter and tongs with Elsie following closely behind him.

“Wait, Elsie?”

If Elsie was outside then who was –

“Adam! Guess who decided to pop in unexpectedly.”

It’s his mom Elaine that speaks and Juliette knows that behind her, Adam has just stepped into the kitchen. And when the blonde that was standing next to Elaine turns, the blonde that Juliette originally mistook for Elsie, there was no mistaking who it was.

Her face had haunted Juliette even since that morning in late May.

“Betty?”

Hearing her name fall from Adam’s lips feels like a gut-punch but Juliette forces herself to turn and watch as Betty jogs over to him. She tries not flinch when Betty jumps into his arms and Adam easily lifts her up. And it is only a moment before she presses her lips against his.

Juliette barely registers the scattered clapping coming from Adam’s family and their friends over the sentimental reunion and she shakes herself out of her shock just enough to politely join in. Her eyes stay glued onto Adam as he and Betty untangle, the smile pulled across his face, his blue eyes shining bright.

It looks so convincing.

“Surprise!” Betty giggles, holding her hands up in joy. “Miss me?”

“Of course, I did,” he replies, his hands resting on her hips pulling her into another hug, Betty’s head pressed against his chest. It is only then does his eyes dart over towards Juliette and she tries to keep her face as neutral as possible, not wanting to reveal any emotion that would complicate this now dangerous situation they found themselves in.

“How are you here?” Adam asks as Betty pulls away.

“A work trip. Not here, up in Edmonton but I decided to take an extended weekend to come surprise you.”

“Well, consider me very surprised,” Adam says and Juliette turns away as he leans into kiss Betty again.

She had to get out of this kitchen.

So, in the most casual movements that she could muster, Juliette walks over to the backdoor, pushing it open and wandering onto the Lowry’s expansive deck. She spies Joel standing in front of the grill, flipping the chicken breasts for dinner. Juliette goes to him for no real reason except for maybe distraction.

“Hey Julie,” Joel says once she stops next to the grill.

“Hey Joel. You got stuck with grill duty?”

“Looks like it. Dad didn’t want to today and you and Adam weren’t back in enough time so, here I am.”

“So, I’m partially responsible for your predicament?”

“Depends on if you were the reason Adam was late,” Joel jokes, looking over to Juliette with a smile on his face.

Juliette has to push down the heat that threatens to rise as the image of her and Adam in the backseat of his car with his hand between her thighs, flashes through her mind. Instead, she just laughs before her attention is pulled by Elaine and Dave walking outside, followed closely by Elsie and Evan. Adam and Betty appear last and she tries not to feel hurt at the sight of their hands intertwined.

She turns away, looking for another distraction, moving to the cooler placed in the corner of the deck. Juliette manages to fish out a beer and pops it open. But before she can even take a swig, she hears Adam’s voice sound from behind her.

“Hey Jules,” he says and she spins around and comes face-to-face with him and Betty. “Have you met Betty yet?”

Juliette once again must force a different expression on her face, one that disguises her true emotions (like the feeling of wanting to glare daggers in Adam’s direction) before turning to Betty with a smile on her face.

“I don’t think I have,” she says lightly, holding out her hand. “Nice to finally meet you, Betty.”

“Finally meet me? Oh no, please don’t tell me Adam has told you everything about me.” Betty laughs, taking Juliette’s hand.

“Well, we’ve been best friends since high school so he usually tells me everything,” Juliette explains, her eyes darting back to Adam knowing that he understands the insinuation behind her words. “But he’s only painted the best picture of you.”

“That’s good to hear. Want to try to make a good impression, y’know?”

“Totally understandable.”

Their conversation is interrupted by Adam’s dad calling everyone over to their outdoor dining table, ready to serve dinner. And as they all take their places, Juliette finds herself sitting next to Elsie and right across from Adam and Betty. Which means that all throughout dinner, Juliette is forced to watch the two of them.

She has to watch Adam with his arm so casually thrown over Betty’s chair, has to watch his head occasionally dip down to kiss her. She has to sit through a dinner filled with everyone talking about Betty and Adam: about their house in Winnipeg, about their golden retriever Banks, about their life together. An entire life separate from the world of this little Calgary lakeside neighborhood.

A life completely separated from her.

And when Juliette listens to Adam, hears his whispered words to Betty that float over to her on the late summer breeze… they sound so similar to the words that he whispered to her those early mornings, safe beneath her sheets.

Sometimes, Juliette focuses her attention onto Betty, watching as she effortlessly becomes a part of the moment, how she is so at ease with Adam’s family, and how she manages to make even Elsie and Evan laugh. And how in love she is with Adam.

Dinner ends as the night cools and after a few more drinks and a little more conversation, Juliette finds herself walking out the front door with Evan and Elsie close behind, catching a ride back to her apartment with them instead of Adam. For obvious reasons.

And it’s only a few moments until Juliette is curled up in the backseat of Elsie’s convertible, the night air chilling her to the bone as she watches the scenery pass her by, only slightly listening to the conversation being had by Elsie and Evan in the front. Until she hears Adam’s name.

“So, Adam’s girlfriend. What do we think?” Elsie probes, her question dancing on the air.

“She pretty cool. Although it seems kind of weird that this is the first time we’re meeting her but it feels like she’s already met Adam’s family,” Evan muses.

“Yeah, but that’s probably because they go to Winnipeg more than we do. Most likely they met her there along with the rest of Adam’s Winnipeg friends.”

“So, we’re just the less important hometown friends?”

“Well, maybe you are, Evan,” she teases before her twin brother smacks her arm. Juliette can’t stop the smile that tugs at her lips at their antics, a smile that is matched by Evan as he turns to face her.

“What do you think, Julie?”

“About you being less important? I suppose it’s debatable,” she laughs, joining in on Elsie’s teasing.

“No,” Evan says rolling his eyes, still hating whenever the two of them team up against him. “What do you think about Betty?”

Juliette’s smile falters slightly as she turns her eyes back out into the dark forest surrounding the street.

“She seems really nice,” she offers quietly, her voice almost lost to the wind. Juliette can hear a small hum emulate from Evan before he returns to face forward.

The conversation ends there, the rest of the ride to her apartment silent except for the thanks she gives Elsie and Evan when they arrive.

And when she collapses into her bed that suddenly feels too big for just her, she turns towards the empty side, picturing Adam next to her.

The next thing Juliette registers is her jolting awake from a deep sleep, with the feeling of bile building in her throat, the early morning light filtering through her windows.

She didn’t remember falling asleep. She had no recollection of when she finally drifted off after hours of tossing and turning. But she did remember her dream.

She was standing in her bedroom, separate from her body, watching over the scene like a fly on the wall. Her body was in her bed and Adam was next to her, facing her, that gentle expression on his face as he looked into her eyes. His hand brushed the hair away from her face and Juliette could hear him whisper those sweet words; telling her that she was the only one he wanted, telling her that he loved her.

Juliette watched as he leaned in to kiss her, his hand tangling in her hair, pulling her body close.

It was a familiar scene, one that had played out almost every night they were together in the past two months. But as Juliette continued to watch, the scene began to shift. The body lying next to Adam starts to change: her curls straighten, her dark hair begins to lighten, the freckles on her skin disappear. And when Adam breaks the kiss, the girl below him isn’t Juliette.

It’s Betty, looking up at Adam with her beautiful brown eyes.

Juliette couldn’t look away, watching as Adam brushes back her blonde hair before whispering that he missed her. That two months away from her felt like torture. That he thought he would die if he didn’t have her in his arms.

The same thing he told Juliette that first morning.

She watched the soft smile break across Betty’s face and Juliette had to watch as Adam leaned in, kissing Betty once again.

Juliette’s hands rub across her face, attempting to scrub the dream from her mind. But she knows it is an impossible task, knows she will never be able to forget it.

That dream was a sharp shock back to reality, an upfront confrontation of the situation she found herself in. The situation that she had perpetuated.

This was what Adam was doing to her. This was what they both were doing to Betty.

Adam’s girlfriend was no longer a face on the screen. Her name was no longer something said in passing. She was here. She was real. And the truth would destroy her.

But what was the truth?

Was it the life that Adam and Betty had built together in Winnipeg? Or was it every moment that he and Juliette shared?

Juliette had believed Adam meant every word that he said to her. Back then, when this whole affair first started, she had to believe it. It was the only hope she could hold on to. But she never stopped to think that perhaps that was all it was – hope.

Enough to sustain her but not enough to feed her. No where close to what she actually needed in order to survive.

That voice in the back of her mind – the one that had been silenced as the summer went on – was back in full-force now, screaming at her. Telling her that this would be a disaster, no matter who Adam chose.

If he chose Juliette, Betty would be devastated. The life that she had built in Winnipeg would be destroyed and was Juliette that heartless to not feel a shred of sympathy for the girl whose life she was complicit is ruining?

But if he chose Betty…

Juliette pushes the voice back, silencing it before it could expand on that possibility. Because that couldn’t be real. Adam couldn’t take back everything he had said to Juliette, he wouldn’t. And call her selfish, call her a bitch, call her whatever you wanted to, but Adam was hers.

And he would prove it to her.

Betty was here, in person. Adam could talk to her face-to-face. It was exactly what he had told Juliette to wait for, to be patient for. And the universe blessed them by allowing the moment to happen here, in Calgary where Juliette was, instead of in a city two provinces away.

All Juliette had to do was wait a little longer. And then Adam would be hers. Completely.

Just like he promised.

3 days later

She’s gone. Can I come over? Message received July 30th at 5:28pm

Door’s unlocked. Message sent July 30th at 5:36pm

Juliette hears her front door open and it takes all her willpower not to move from her spot on her bed. She hears Adam lock the deadbolt before his assured footsteps move through her apartment towards her bedroom. It only takes a minute until he appears in the doorway, his eyes landing on Juliette sitting on top of her sheets, back against the pillows.

The way his face softens when he sees her makes Juliette’s heart flutter and before she can blink, his long strides cross her room until his shins hit the edge of her mattress. Adam leans forward, his hands reaching out and Juliette feels his callused fingers wrap around her ankles. A gasp is torn out of her mouth as Adam grips her tight, pulling her down the bed towards him. His broad body covers her and he crashes his lips onto hers, throwing her legs around his hips.

Juliette’s reaction is instinctual, following Adam’s lead, legs pulling his hips down to hers, her hands coming to tangle in his hair. The kisses that pass between them are fierce, desperate, and Juliette can feel the desire pouring from Adam as his hands constantly move across her frame.

They move in-sync, bodies rolling against one another as Adam’s lips drift away, moving to her neck as his hands sneak under her t-shirt. Small moans are all that Juliette can muster as Adam’s lips continue to move across her skin, the feeling of his touch after three days of no-contact making her head spin.

A sharp gasp rips from Juliette’s chest as Adam gently bites her throat before moving over the slight indents, marking her. Claiming her once again.

But was she his to claim?

That thought is what jolts Juliette back to the issue that still lingered unresolved between them. The issue of Adam’s girlfriend. And the remembrance of Betty – of her blonde hair and deep brown eyes – crashes over Juliette like a cold morning dip in the lake, dousing the fire of passion that had been steadily building.

“Adam,” she says, her voice a little breathless. Adam does not stop, his lips still moving against her skin and Juliette tries not to get lost in the feeling. “Adam,” she tries again, placing her hands on his shoulders in an attempt to push him away. “Adam! Stop.”

Juliette finally manages to shove Adam off her, her eyes connecting with his as she takes in his puzzled stare, his hands dropping down to rest on her hips as he remains standing over her. The way his hair is mussed and how his pupils are blown wide causes an ache in Juliette that she silences, keeping it at bay until she has the answers that she needs.

“Is it over?” she asks him, propping herself up on her elbows, staring him down.

“Is what over?”

“You and Betty. Is it done?”

Juliette watches as Adam’s eyebrows furrow in confusion, his mouth opening and closing like a fish and his reluctance is what causes Juliette’s frustration to take over.

“Jesus Christ, Adam did you break up with her or not?” she snaps, pushing Adam’s hands off her body as she sits upright, Adam retreating a few steps back, either in shock or politeness, giving her space. The answer seems to be shock when Adam speaks again.

“What are you talking about?”

“What do you mean ‘what am I talking about’? She was here, Adam. You were face to face with her. You could breakup with her in person. Isn’t that what you were waiting for?”

“Jules,” Adam starts again, moving back towards his, his hands outstretched. “I –”

“No,” Juliette says, lifting herself up off the bed and placing a hand on his chest, stopping his forward momentum. “You don’t get to avoid this. Did you or did you not break up with her?”

Juliette can feel Adam’s chest raise under her palm in a sigh, his eyes turning away from her to stare out the window. The pause continues to stretch between them and because of that, because of how long it is taking Adam to tell her the truth, Juliette already knows what the truth is before he says it.

“I couldn’t do that to her.”

However, even though she knew those were going to be the words he spoke, it didn’t mean they hurt any less.

“Why not?” Juliette asks, feeling the cracks in her heart start to form as she stares at Adam, trying to decipher his expression, trying to see into his mind and find out what he was thinking.

“Because… she was only here for a weekend. And if I told her, she would have had to go back to our house and pack up and do that all herself. Jules, it would be cruel.”

“Oh, so you want to hold her hand through it all?” Juliette scoffs and it’s her anger that pulls Adam’s eyes back to her. “What makes you think she would even want you around? Maybe, if you broke up with her, she would welcome the distance. Especially when you told her about me and you.”

“She can’t know.”

“She can’t know what?”

“She can’t know I’m breaking up with her because of you.”

“Because of me?” Juliette asks, her voice incredulous and it is only then do the floodgates open. “Oh, okay, so, this is my fault now?”

“Jules, you know I didn’t mean it like that,” Adam tries to explain taking another step towards her but Juliette holds up her hand again while taking a step away from him.

“No, no, I see how it is. I’m the one that lead you into temptation and now I’m the one demanding that you break up with your girlfriend. Is that right?” Juliette rants, the tears building steadily, her voice getting thick.

“Jules – ”

“Because she’s all yours. She’s the one you want. You would die if you didn’t have her, right? Because it’s always been Betty. Hasn’t it?”

There is a pause as Juliette lets her words sink in, lets Adam register and recognize them. The words that he whispered in this same bedroom every morning he woke up here. And when Juliette sees that realization wash over Adam’s face, she doesn’t even try to stop the small satisfied huff of laughter that escapes. Even though it ends up sounding more like a sob as the tears finally start falling down her freckled cheeks.

“Or is that me? Are those the things that you told me? Back when you promised that all I had to do was be patient and then you would be mine completely,” she continues, not bothering to brush the tears away. “You think that breaking up with Betty is cruel? What do you think this is? What do you think about what you’re doing to me?”

Juliette holds Adam’s stare, almost forcing him to look at her, to see how much he was hurting her. She wanted him to know there was no hiding from this, there was no running from this. This is what he did and now he had to face it.

“You can’t have both of us, Adam. If you want me the way you’ve said that you want me, then you have to choose me. Because I can’t do this with you anymore.”

The ultimatum hangs in the air, awaiting Adam’s response and Juliette hangs with it. She watches as Adam tears his eyes away from her, his head ducking down in defeat. He speaks again, his voice so soft that under any other circumstance, Juliette might be straining to hear him. But the words he says ring loudly throughout the room, ricocheting right into her chest and shattering her already fragile heart.

“I’m sorry Jules but… I can’t. Not right now.”

The words cut like a shotgun shot to the heart and she collapses back onto the edge of her bed, the hurt clearly painted on her face. She continues to look at him, hoping he would glance up and maybe take back his words. But when he doesn’t – when Adam’s eyes stay locked to the wooden floor, she finally tears her own eyes away from him, pushing back the tears that were still coming.

“Then get out. Get out of my house. Get out of my life,” Juliette chokes out, trying desperately to put as much malice behind the words as she could. “I never want to see you again.”

The room is silent for a moment until Juliette hears Adam move and the sound of his footsteps retreat, the distance between her and him growing further and further with every step. She listens to the sound of them fading, his departure finally punctuated by the echo of her front door closing.

And when that sound hits her eardrums, that’s when the rest of her strength gives out and Juliette’s head collapses into her hands, the tears now falling freely. She sits there and weeps; she doesn’t know how long for. She just cries until the tears are gone, until she feels like she has properly mourned the loss.

The loss of everything she could’ve had.

The loss of everything she never really had to begin with.

In the aftermath, Juliette attempts to heal. Attempt being the opportune word.

It is difficult, one of the worst breakups that she had ever experienced. Even though she didn’t know if this could even be classified as a breakup. What was it called when you lost someone who was never actually yours?

Still, the lack of definition didn’t dull the pain. In fact, it just exacerbated it. Her heart felt like it was cut open and she had to try to stich it back together. She had to sweep up the ashes of the once blazing passion that had now been extinguished. She had to try and move on.

But moving on was easier said than done. Especially when Adam’s ghost came back to her every night and every morning, she swore that she could still taste him on her lips. It became so bad that eventually she would just lie in bed staring at the ceiling fan, picking apart everything; every word spoken to her, every interaction they shared to see if there was an indication that this would be the inevitable conclusion, until sleep finally overtook her.

She spends days alone in her apartment, drinking every bottle of wine that she owned trying to erase Adam from her mind.

She ignores messages from friends, inviting her out to parties and hangouts because she knew there was a possibility that Adam would be there. And she wasn’t strong enough to face him without being pulled back into his inescapable gravity.

But the solitude doesn’t help either. Because in the silence contained within her apartment walls, all Juliette had was her thoughts. And her thoughts are anything but kind.

They were filled with the memories of Adam and her. They were filled with the knowledge that Adam is going to go back to Betty. It makes her sick to think of Adam holding Betty close, of him never telling her about what he did this summer, about Adam lying to her face and Betty being none the wiser.

But it also makes her sick to think about Adam holding Betty to him and continuing to build a life with her. Leaving Juliette and everything he promised her behind.

Juliette’s distance is eventually noticed and one day, Elsie and Even show up on Juliette’s doorstep, demanding to know what was going on.

And Juliette tells them everything. Everything.

She is terrified that they would judge her, criticize her for willingly going along with something so immoral for months. But they don’t. Perhaps it was because they felt sorry for her. Perhaps it was because they understood that while she carried some of the blame, she was more so an accomplice rather than the perpetrator. Perhaps it was because it was easy to blame the man that had only reappeared after eight years of absence rather than the friend that had been by their side for almost thirteen years.

Whatever the reason, they threw themselves into helping Juliette heal.

It felt like high school again; sleepovers at each other’s houses, staying up all night watching terrible movies, talking until the sun came up. Going to parties together and staying by each other’s sides for the entire night. And whenever they corralled Juliette out of a party early, she knew in the back of her mind it was because Adam had shown up. But she didn’t mind because it meant that they were watching out for her. And for that she was thankful.

There were still times where Elise drank a little too much, the alcohol loosening her tongue as she trashes Adam, cursing him for what he had done. And Juliette has to stop herself from defending the man that broke her heart. But those moments were few and far between.

Juliette never pushed away Elsie or Evan’s support, regardless of whether or not they saw things differently. Because without them, she was certain she would still be waking up alone, hungover and heartbroken.

However, while Elsie and Evan were a great help, Juliette was learning to heal without them.

At one point, Juliette started to drive to lakeside alone, late at night. It was there where she stood out on the shore, watching the moonlight ripple over the still water. Sometimes she would dive in, letting the late summer waves wash away any lingering heartache.

It was there that her examination of her relationship with Adam and the words he had said to her yielded a harsh truth; she had never known him. Nostalgia and lust twisted Adam into someone he wasn’t. When he was lying next to her, twisted in her bedsheets, he was an angel, washed pure by the flame he had ignited within Juliette.

That was the reason losing him hurt so much. Because in that moment, on that day in July, he told her exactly who he was. And the illusion had shattered.

Some nights, she wished he remained unknown to her.

Some nights, she wished he never came back into her life.

That way she could’ve kept the memory of the sweet boy from high school. The one who was assigned the seat next to her in homeroom because their last names were only a few letters apart. The one who welcomed her into his friend group without hesitation. The one who quickly became her best friend.

The person she fell in love with all those summers ago.

But that wasn’t who he was anymore. And so, Juliette finally learned to let the fantasy go.

August slipped away.

And so did Adam.

The strong knock on Juliette’s door pulls her attention away from the oven filled with sweet potato fries. She glances at her watch, confused that Elsie had arrived almost an hour earlier than she said she would. But Juliette shrugs, moving from the kitchen to the entryway, ready to let her in.

Maybe it was a good thing that Elsie was early. After all, based on how this season of the Bachelor was going, Juliette thought that it might be a good idea for the two of them to chug a glass of wine before even starting the finale.

Juliette doesn’t bother looking through her peephole, unlocking the door and swinging it open. But when she sees the silhouette of the person standing on her doorstep, she realizes that she should’ve at least double-checked to see who was standing outside.

Because standing there on the other side of her threshold… was Adam.

The man that she hadn’t seen or interacted with in almost two months.

“Can I come in?” he asks, the baseball cap perched on his head, his piercing blue eyes peering out from underneath the brim.

Juliette knows that the right thing to do would be to slam the door in his face. She told him that she never wanted to see him again and he had done a good job at disappearing from her life, just like she asked. But now he was back, standing on her doorstep, asking to be let in.

And before Juliette can think better of it, she’s stepping to the side, a silent invitation for Adam to enter her apartment.

He accepts, walking in and taking off his hat, his hand coming to run through his hair as he takes in the scene of her living room.

“The Bachelor?”

“Yeah, the season finale is tonight,” she explains, closing the door behind her, her eyes never leaving Adam’s frame.

“Expecting someone else?” he asks, vaguely pointing to the bottle and two wine glasses perched on her glass coffee table.

“Elsie.”

Adam’s reply is a hum as his eyes continue to dart around the room. It isn’t until now that Juliette realizes that he has yet to look at her.

“What are you doing here Adam?” she asks, crossing her arms in front of her, the sharpness of her voice finally pulling Adam’s attention to her. She hates the way her heart still lets out a small flutter at the sight of his expression softening as his eyes land on her.

“I just want to say that I was wrong. For not doing exactly what you asked me to.”

“What do you – ”

“I’m going to break up with Betty,” he says, cutting off her question. The words are uttered so fast that it takes a moment for Juliette to fully register them. And when she does, she can feel her expression twist from confusion to disbelief. Adam reads her reaction before continuing.

“I go back to Winnipeg in a week and as soon as I’m there, I’m going to tell her it’s over.  But I just wanted to tell you first.”

“Why?” Juliette asks, feeling her heart start to pound in the anticipation of receiving Adam’s response.

“I was hoping that…” he starts, his words stilted and awkward as his gaze reverts to darting around the room. Juliette watches as he takes a deep breath, closing his eyes as if he was readying himself to say the words he was about to speak. His eyes return to hers and Juliette can feel her breath catch in her throat at the fierce determination in his gaze.

“I still feel the same way that I did about you, Jules. You’re the only one for me and I’m sorry that I made you wait so long to hear me say this. I never wanted to hurt anyone but because of that, I ended up hurting you. I promise I’ll never leave you again.”

Every sentence, every declaration is punctuated by Adam taking a step towards her and Juliette doesn’t retreat, doesn’t move. Just lets him continue his steady approach until his hands are resting on her hips, holding her close.

“I want all of you, Jules,” he whispers, leaning down to press a kiss into the crown of her head. “My beautiful Jules.”

It was everything that Juliette had wanted to hear, everything she waited for during those three months of sneaking around, of stolen moments and pretty lies. And perhaps if the two of them were still back there, back in the heat of June, back at the beginning of summer with all it’s hope possibility, perhaps Juliette would take him back.

But now, in the September chill… it was too little, too late.

“Let go of me, Adam,” she whispers, keeping her body stiff in his hold. She doesn’t relax until she feels Adam’s hands withdraw and it is only when she feels the space between the two of their bodies widen that she looks up at him.

“I don’t – I don’t believe you,” she says and as soon as the words hit Adam, Juliette can see the distance appear in his eyes. There is still a small part of her body that aches as she can see the defeat wash over him but she continues, not willing to let him strip away the strength that she found in his absence. “I can’t trust you, Adam. And there’s no way I can know that you mean what you say. Especially when you’re in another city, a thousand kilometers away.”

Juliette lets her words linger in the air between them, willing Adam to listen to her, to understand how he hurt her the last time he was in her apartment, when he went back on the same exact promise. The pause lasts for a minute or two before a small sigh falls from Juliette’s lips.

“I can’t go through this with you again.”

The rejection feels like a slamming door, shutting out any lingering warmth from a summer love that seemed so real. But even though it hurt and even though there was still a part of Juliette that wanted to chase the sun and bask in its light for a little while longer, she knew that if she did, she would just get burned.

Both her and Adam stand there, appraising each other and she knows that one of them is going to break first, one of them is going to take back the words just spoken. But it wasn’t going to be her. Maybe she used to be willing to give up everything to keep him close – because even though it would hurt, she would get to wake up next to him every morning – but she couldn’t do it now.

Finally, Adam sighs, understanding that he lost the battle.

“I understand,” he says, moving towards the front door, passing by Juliette with a brush of his arm against hers.

But unlike the last time Adam left her apartment, Juliette turns to watch him leave. Her eyes track his movement to the front door, watching as he swings it open. But before he steps out into the autumn evening, he looks back at her and Juliette can see the ocean waves of sadness in his blue eyes.

“Jules,” he whispers. There is an exquisite pang that echoes through the chambers of her heart at the nickname, the nickname meant only for her. A name that she will most likely never hear again. “I’m sorry.”

“I am too.”

Her words are the final sentence spoken, Adam walking out and closing the door behind him. And Juliette expects that seeing him leave would hurt just as much as it did the last time.

But it doesn’t.

I think about us a lot. I don’t know if it’s the end of the chapter and you’ll return later on or it’s the end of the story. But I love you. I miss you. I’m sorry this is the way it became.

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[murasaki-cha]

You know, the big difference between the Kenji and Warner banter and the Kenji and Adam banter is how much they respect Kenji.

Because despite being friends since the begining, Adam underestimates him a lot. He doesn't acknowledge his thought process or his ideas, he's constantly shooting his ideas down.

Meanwhile Warner despite being constantly annoyed by Kenji and very occasionally calling him an idiot he freaking acknowledges how smart Kenji is.

Like even in Unravel Me, he said that the reason he didn't find out about Adam was because of his nullifying power but for Kenji it was because of his strategy, how he literally hid himself so well in plain sight. Like he actually acknowledged that Kenji had him completely fooled.

Aaron acknowledged Kenji, respected him and actually looked up to him.

It's very similar to these two relationship with Juliette, where Adam always undermined her power and wanted to shelter her, whereas Warner had complete faith in her and her power and loved how she unleashed herself in the world.

This is why people prefer the Kenji and Warner banter in my opinion, because they both equally acknowledge each other's abilities despite their original dislike for each other.

[fantixaaronsversion]

Unpopular opinion that might get me attacked but i hate Juliette… well not hate her but she’s my least fav from the core four 😭🙏🏾 and yes I’ve read all the books and finished the last novella last month. I felt like there wasn’t much added to her character and she just felt bland and plain, not to talk abt the fact the author just kept making her stronger and stronger but didn’t add many layers to her emotional maturity, I feel like she has no personality.

[kittycattscathy]

Hello fellas, I bring you @hurtcember fanfic