#plus I got to play with some poi for the first time in a few weeks

[watching-constellations]

I meant to go to bed early, but instead I fully accidentally ended up at a rave. This happened within twenty minutes of leaving my friend’s house. Phenomenal. I have several questions.

[loumauve]

thanks for tagging me, @novastellaris

Were you named after anyone? accidentally, not on purpose. very much to the dismay of my mum. (my dad forgot that his mother's middle name is the same as the name they picked for me)

When was the last time you cried? earlier today, or maybe late last night? been crying a lot lately, ever sínce my other grandma passed away. I'm always glad when I end up crying over a moving scene in a fic, or some lyrics in a song instead, ngl

Do you have kids? not unless my plant children count? I have quite a few, not as many as I used to, but still plenty. (I think current count is 55, though it used to be over double that at some point)

What sports have you played/do you play? I played soccer in kindergarten/elementary school (still salty over being the only one dressed in pink) but that was nothing serious, and then my asthma got worse and was no longer able to run for long periods of time, plus the hip issues I was born with flaring up a little every now and then. spent ten years in the circus though, which is kind of like sports? poi and juggling, dancing (mostly hip hop, swing, tap), mini trampoline stuff (where I nearly broke my nose and made a bloody mess of my friend's math homework), a lot of balancing (walking/doing tricks on the ball, unicycling, some tightrope walking.. incidentally the same tightrope I smashed my face into during my over-enthusiastic front flip off the trampoline), trapeze.. all kinds of stuff, really. loved it, still remember that time so very fondly even if it left my body a little too wrecked for comfort (my wrists are a mess and my ankles still roll every so often, my ribs still feel bruised whenever I gain too much muscle around the bottom of them, lol) also have dabbled in climbing, mostly indoor bouldering, which I really should get back to, these days the social anxiety gets the better of me though. inline skating which I love and my hips and knees hate, sadly enough.

tldr: I love all kinds of being active and moving around, it's just that my body doesn't agree with most of it.

Do you use sarcasm? a lot of the time, more so when fed up and grumpy or defensive

First thing you notice about people? clothes, maybe? hair, perhaps. faces, but also not in a way where I really remember them? I'm not sure, actually. but the first two are the things I tend to remember the most even long after I've last seen someone

What is your eye color? blue-grey, depending on the lighting it can be either near completely blue or really grey. idk

Scary movies or happy endings? both, preferably together. though, I'm not a fan of artificially happy endings, sometimes bittersweet and a little sad is the best you can get and that's fine with me. more true to real life that way anyhow

Any talents? hm. maybe it's finding all kinds of wonderful knick-knacks and integrating them into my flat to make it wonderfully chaotic and cluttered, but welcoming? (it prevokes either extreme joy or utter despair in visitors who come to my place lol) not sure that counts as a talent though.. I guess I'm real good at getting back up every time life does its best to crush me into a smudge on the sidewalk? can you call that a talent? it's either stubbornness or just straight up spite, definitely not a pretty sight but I make it work, somehow

Where were you born? Dresden, home sweet home. (home of old-ass architecture, the beloved Frauenkirche and Zwinger, eternally indebted and cursed by the river Elbe, sadly haunted by right wing politics) born and raised here, only lived elsewhere for a year and a half, or so. missed it terribly while I was gone, a blessing and a curse, really, but I don't think I'd ever want to move away again, no matter how haunted some places are for me now. I'd miss the river and the Elbsandsteingebirge too much.

What are your hobbies? a little bit of everything. collecting hobbies is another talent of mine. most hobbies last me a few weeks at most before they rest in limbo until I pick them up again, but here's a few: book binding, sewing, painting, video games, board games, reading, dissociating to the perfect (at the moment) song on loop for hours/days straight, sometimes (very rarely these days) writing - fic and poetry, dreaming (a fave, ngl. wouldn't mind if my life was nothing but), finding the most amazing terrible horror films to watch, collecting dice and rolling them until they all show the same numbers, collecting and looking at Magic: The Gathering cards and building decks that I then never end up playing with because I have nobody to play with (rip), making DnD characters that I will never play but have entire backstories for nonetheless, taking care of (and multiplying) my various plant children

Do you have any pets? not at the moment, I used to keep garden snails for a bit, but then I felt bad for them never experiencing the outdoors so I released the latest batch of them to where I found the parents originally. I hope they're alright out there. I'd love to have pets again, but I'm allergic to most furry beings, and my flat isn't a good place to keep non-furry animals either because it gets really cold and draughty in winter and far too hot and stuffy in summer, and I'd rather not subject any critters to that. plus, most of everything in here vibrates whenever I used the washing machine since I live in what used to be an attic space with wooden beams all around, so anything that needs structural integrity (like an aquarium etc) is out as well. I guess at the moment I do have a few visitors though, two tiny spiders that live in my bedroom and bathroom respectively, tucked away in corners where they don't bother me and I try not to bother them, and I regularly get bird visitors outside my bedroom window since I'm still putting out bird food that's left over from me feeding them over the winter, so I have a flock of 8 or so pigeons, a few crows and a few more magpies. not pets, but daily companions nonetheless.

How tall are you? 164 cm, which according to google is around 5'4''

Favorite subject in school? English (as a second language), Art, and maybe Biology? used to be German but then German became all about remembering boring dates and I lost interest

Dream job? no idea, I go where the winds of life blow me. I mean, in an ideal world (where my knees don't suck) I supposed I would have loved to be a graveyard gardener for the rest of my life. that was my favourite time at work ever. OR if we lived in a different time, maybe a lighthouse keeper. sometimes I still dream of that, or of roaming some deep dark woods and I feel so very at peace

[datespolh]

Freelancer mods in sp story

FREELANCER MODS IN SP STORY MOD

FREELANCER MODS IN SP STORY MODS

FREELANCER MODS IN SP STORY PLUS

FREELANCER MODS IN SP STORY SERIES

FREELANCER MODS IN SP STORY FREE

would be fun, and I wouldn't feel like I was totally wasting my time (like I do with all SP nowadays pretty much. They wouldn't even have to MMO it, just do a Freelancer and have people host their own dedicated servers or something. TC was released only last year but still zero in the way of multiplayer

FREELANCER MODS IN SP STORY SERIES

X has never had any multiplayer, and it's the 1 thing that bugs me most about that whole series of games.

FREELANCER MODS IN SP STORY MOD

Just get some version of Freelancer Mod Manager before you do download it though.

FREELANCER MODS IN SP STORY PLUS

It has the Campaign plus so much more content and different types of ways to modify your ship. Freelancer Rebalance Mod V3.55 Final is what you are looking for. I tried FL multiplayer a few times but the servers were mostly empty, and I was on 56k at the time so even that was unbearably laggy Well, you can, but it would suck for the first guy. Kind of interesting how FL (2003ish?) had multiplayer support but X3:TC (2007ish?) didn't. I moved on to X3: Terran Conflict a few years later, which was way more deep but no multiplayer support >.

FREELANCER MODS IN SP STORY FREE

The multiplayer was the best part, it was free roaming and larger servers could support a decent number of players who banded together in clans and fought over territory and access to areas of the game with better equipment or ships. THE HISTORY OF FL: TNG (Freelancer: The Next Generation) The history of TNG. It's easily worth playing just for the story though. A note on OPEN SP 1.1 MOD: Open SP 1.1 has been removed from the mod because. Loved the story but there was really nothing to do after that sadly. THANK YOU SO MUCH YOU MORONS.I didn't play FL til way after it'd came out. Oh thank you Bohemia, for your stupid design to have me got my old mod page accidentally deleted by simply double-tapping enter. NIArms series (added, not yet detailedly priced)Įnigma's simple tasks/civilians/traffic scripts. Special Military Arms (weapons purchasable) RHS SAF (Not yet used, but may use it in the future) RHS GREF (affects what kind of enemies you fight in the early game adding more immersion)

FREELANCER MODS IN SP STORY MODS

Supported Mods (all optional, but highly recommended) Different factions yield different amounts of cash. Hired civilians randomly pick a gun from the weapon list Recruitable civilians - hire them to fight by your side. Ambient traffic and civilians - Tanoa is teeming with life. The southern areas are controlled by the Royal Army(enemies) and the rebel(friendlies), and the north is controlled by CSAT. Random friendly/enemy patrol teams/vehicles. 11 radio towers for players to hijack and reveal hidden POIs on the map. DON'T HAVE TO USE ARMA 3's BUGGY SAVING MECHANISM AT ALL. As long as you have saved, you can just start a new game to resume your progress. You can save player's gear, location and money in the bed at safe houses a stash crate is also avaliable at each safe house to store equipments for later use. 20 safe houses across the map avaliable for purchase. All weapons' prices are subject to changes. Positive & Negative Reviews: Duolingo: Learn Languages A freelancer has to. Gun shop supports vanilla, RHS and SMA weapons NIArms weapons are added but pricing is still WIP. Typically you will earn Gems or Lingots when you meet your daily XP goal. A shop system for players to buy and sell weapons, buy clothing and buy vehicles at will. A fun sandbox & single-mission campaign and several side quests.(WIP, 3 infinite random side quests and 7 main quests, plus 1 intro quest avaliable thus far) Army and a dying wish from mother, the protagonist returns to his birthplace, to seek vengence against the man who mercilessly killed his father. Twenty years later, with the experience of several years serving in the U.S. His father died when general Solomon - as known as 'the Vulture', usurped the power from the royale, and with the help of eastern super powers, almost killed off all nationalists. You take the role of a man who fled this homecountry, Tanoa, with his mother, at a very young age due to the boiling civil war between the royalists and the nationalists. This sandbox mission is greatly inspired by Far Cry series. once you see the map/briefing interface, exit the mission and start it again. NOTE: to reset the progress when hosting the mission locally, select "yes" as "wipe the game's save" parameter.

[pbandjesse]

After all the excitement and rushing around of yesterday, I was absolutely exhausted today. Which made me feel really sad. I tried my best to shake it and enjoy my time with James. But I was struggling a bit.

I did get everything I wanted to accomplish today. But it wasn't as fun as I thought it would be. I tried my best. I think I'm just also stressed that there is much to do tomorrow.

I had trouble sleeping last night. The rest of my time at the science center last night was a lot of fun. Even if one educator kept trying to walk over me. I shut it down every time because I was leading the program. But also it was just. So out of the ordinary for how museum education goes that I was just really surprised. It's all good though. I just felt like a bitch for having to say hey I'm leading this program and not just doing what she wanted.

James came and got me and we came home. I showered and we hung out and talked until late. But even once they fell asleep it took me a while to do the same.

It was okay sleep in the end. I woke up a few times but it was okay. When I woke up for real at 930 I really, desperately, wanted to keep sleeping. But I knew I had to be awake. James joined me in bed, playing the new Pokemon game. I texted dad and he called me and it was really nice to hear his voice.

He sounded good. He said he wasn't hurting, but did say it was because he hadn't tried to move yet. I am just really thankful I can talk to him.

I would get up eventually. James made us pastries and so after I was washed up and dressed I had one of them while I did my knitting. I had to catch up from yesterday, but I am taking notes on the weather just in case that happens. Tomorrow is the end of the first month! I am excited to take a progress video. And I'll have a better idea of the full size.

The plan for the day was for me and James to go for a drive and eat at a diner and run some errands. And soon enough we were bundling up and heading out.

We drove out to Columbia in the county. I wanted to check out the 2nd Ave out there but I ended up not having as much fun as I had hoped. I think some of it was I felt like James wasn't participating like someone like Jess would. But mostly I wasn't having fun because people were just super blocking the aisles and being incredibly rude. That was part of the reason me and James weren't together a lot in the store, because they just flat out couldn't get the cart around. And would tell me to go ahead.

We did find some more wedding candle stuff. And a few little future gifts for people. But people were just making it not fun. I did find myself two bags. But we were barely there 20 minutes before we left. It wasn't fun.

I was a little upset. I wanted to be having a good time but I was upset inside and having trouble shaking it off.

We went down the street to the Marshalls. But they still didn't have the Valentine's day stuff I wanted. I was more bummed on top of everything else.

We would walk across the street to the Goodwill. This Goodwill is usually the worst. Dirty and cluttered and everything is overpriced. But we actually found brand new sandals for James and a Greta pair of boots. And I found the most darling travel jewelry box. Plus there was basically no one there. So it raised my spirits a bit.

We went to a diner next. Had a nice little meal. Talked about our hopes for the wedding week and the timeline for how we think the rest of the time outside the wedding itself will be. It was quiet but lovely to just be in that conversation. It felt like we had some control that I don't always feel like we have.

We would make a pit stop at target. But still no Valentine's day stuff. So we weren't there long.

We drove to a local park next. And while it was very cold, it was nice, I was just tired. And my ankles hurt a lot. So we only walked for like a half hour with a little break in the middle. It was still a nice time and it was fun walking on the crunchy snow.

I was really sleepy at this point. We headed home and it was hard to keep my eyes open. When we got back James was going to go for a bike ride but instead went and cut their hair. While I put away some of our purchases and laid in bed for a long time.

I got out of bed at 6, I didn't actually nap I just watched videos, but I got up to do my beading for the day.

James said I should make a black dress. So I did that and that didn't take to long. I feel happy with it. I hope I have more time to do a more complex one tomorrow though.

James warmed up some chili for me. And we ate dinner and then played the new Pokemon together.

I really enjoy it so far. It's not super battle focused, and I also love giving my Pokemon silly names. Like my first Pokemon is a Oshawott, who is a blue otter. I named them "damp". And then I have one friend named "stinky" others named "horse", "birdie", and "Amy".

I am glad we got it. It's nice to have a game we both like again.

I got a shower and feel a little better. My allergies are bothering me. But it's fine. I am very sleepy.

Tomorrow I have a meeting with Alexi about this summer. And then I am getting fingerprinted for the nursery. I hope I don't feel so tired tomorrow and I can enjoy the day fully.

Sleep well everyone. Take care of each other.

[akurathereaper]

An insignificant rant on HoT&PoF

As everyone knows, yady yady ya, everyone prefers HoT, whatever

I’m one of those people and I’m about to rant about this too.

THIS IS NOT A SPOILER FREE RANT

I will be talking about story elements and stuff that happens in both DLCs.

I like Path of Fire, I really do, it gave me Elona, it gave me agent Kito whom I wholeheartedly pity cuz he has to deal with the Commander, it gave me more of Aurene (and it gave me Joko on whom I can shit on when I feel bad)

But, it didn’t give me maps I like (and I will tell you why) (please note I am no game designer, or designer in general. In fact, maps designed by me would be probably shit, but I still believe my opinion is valid, because I am a person with eyes that can see)

This is going to be a small rant when it comes to maps, now mark, english isn’t my first language so there may be nonsensical sentences, and I am no professional critic so all of this is coming from my heart, not my brain.

Ready? Let’s go

So I’m going to do a little comparison (nothing too much in depth) of the four maps from each DLC (plus Domain of Vabbi but I don’t have much to say on it if I’m honest).

 We have Verdant Brink, Auric Basin, Tangled Depths and Dragon’s stand from Heart of Thorns, and Crystal Oasis, Desert Highlands, The Desolation, Elon Riverlands and Domain of Vabbi. 

Let me start with HoT, because it makes logical sense.

When you first start the Heart of Thorns campaign, you’re told to go from Silverwastes to... Verdant Brink. You get a small taste of it right before you enter it, in that cave where the injured pact members are talking about it. And then you load in (hopefully, if your pc doesn’t reenact an atomic blast), and first thing you see, when you walk in on that VERY SPECIFICALLY DESIGNED LEDGE

is absolute carnage.

Ships are strewn about, hanging in pieces torn apart by Mordremoth’s vines, smoke and fire is everywhere, that part of the jungle is ravaged not only by Mordremoth, but also by you. Your Pact. And in that moment you exactly realize what happened (if it wasn’t obvious from the cutscene that played before it *cough cough*)

But now you see it. The map tells you a very obvious story, and you don’t need to be a genius to figure it out. It tells you and SHOWS you exactly how strong and dangerous the Dragon you’re hunting is. It shows you what you have to overcome.  (And if you’re me, you’re crying cuz Trahearne got kidnapped)

I’m going to skip the storyparts of this map, but will instead focus on the meta of it (since i’ve done it like trillion times). There’s five main crashpoints. Each has to bring their all to successfuly make this map “safe”. The nobles, the Pale Reavers, the quaggan and her soldiers. Everyone. I’m guessing that after you kill all the five champions, the area becomes safe enough for you to move on, after all, you’re the Commander, and you cannot leave everyone to die in the middle of the Jungle. Once again, the map tells you a story through the gameplay)

And then you move onto Auric Basin (I’m guessing it’s a lot of people’s fav map)

Oh, Auric Basin... The map instantly breathes “something”, something different. You KNOW you’re somewhere else, the whole atmosphere tells you that you’re somewhere forgotten, somewhere where the touches of humans, sylvari, charr, whatever main race, have not reached. 

Your first instance of it is most likely the story instance, so you get introduced to the place pretty quickly. I don’t have to say how gorgeous the city actually is, right?

The whole place is an archaeologist’s wet dream. And again, the map tells you, it shows you, it’s story, it’s history (the Priory people are wetting themselves over the whole thing), and sometimes it’s the Exalted themselves who tell you the story. But you can gauge a lot of it just from observing. It’s not the most effective of cities, I’ll be honest, but it’s a damn impressive one. After all, Tarir was build for Glint’s scion.

And the meta? It’s about PROTECTING the city. Protecting it from Mordremoth, from destroying it, from destroying the safe place for a dragon’s egg. You stop Mordremoth from leaching the place with Octovines (or an exalted does it for you. Kudos to you, immortal and endless exalted), and you don’t rly realize the importance of this place until the whole Aurene thing happens.

And oof, Tangled Depths. 

Tangled Depths, one of the most hated maps in the entire expansion, a thing (imho) that can be very much blamed on the map limitation (I’m talking about your map, where you see where you are and where the waypoints are, etc.) Like, honestly, wouldn’t it be a WHOLE lot easier to traverse if your map made actual damn sense? But I digress.

Tangled Depths is probably one of the lesser impressive maps? Overall, I very like it, although it’s story has to be unearthed and explored actively. It’s more of a bland looking pie with delicious filling.

Tangled Depths is quite...a good map. In a way. Don’t throw trash at me, please. I also hated it when I had to walk through it, but I learnt the shortcuts and then traversed with relative ease, so I stopped seeing the whole map as a nuisance and started seeing it for what it was. 

Such an untouched piece of history... The Rata Novus? Rata Novus? Hello? Asura lived here?

The Ogres, making their village there? The Nuhoch, fighting for their survival with the Zintl hyleks and the Chak? The Chak? Such new and interesting creatures who literally eat magic! In the middle of the jungle, you see such life, such vivacity, even in the midst of Mordremoth’s reign of terror.

And the story of the meta is tying in so nicely to the overall thing! You’re literally tunneling into Dragon’s stand, to reach old Papa Mordremoth, and you’re doing it with the help of everyone on the map! The Ogres, the asuras (well they dead, so their robots lol), the Chak (yeah, Chak bois be helping, not rly it’s just the lane lol), and the useless easy line! You’re charging a thingimajig that blasts a hole through the ley-line empowered wall and bam, you’re in DS. (Excuse me it has been a while since I was in TD) And Chak bois are on your ass trying to eat it cuz magic but that’s so the meta is interesting.

And then... My favourite map. Dragon’s stand.

I played this map... probably more than I should’ve, but... the way it is structured is simply so interesting! Three lines, for three leaders, each battling their way through the jungle to get to the Generals, to get to the Mouth of Mordremoth. And along the way, you gain more and more allies, more and more people to help you fight this noodle!  You get the ogres, the itzel, the nuhoch, the skritt(!), the exalted, the... THE NIGHTMARE COURT? *cough cough* cut content *cough cough*. Yeah, some don’t get an explanation, but you see everything that you have done, everyone you have helped in the previous map, go help you out in this one? You see them and protect them at the last island (and the whole map is just one giant meta and I LOVE IT (it can be a point of criticism as well, since it’s quite hard to explore if the meta ain’t done and the last few pois are impossible to get if MoM isn’t dead)) and it’s just so epic

Everything you did was leading up to this moment, this last battle, this last stand, the DRAGON’S STAND. And the battle was just... epic. Epic, is all I can say about this map and it’s story. (Shame the Commanders/Generals were cut out, as we have no clue who they were, and knowing something about them would make it a bit more meaningful in fighting them)

To conclude.

HoT is focused as hell. You got a goal: Pop a cap in Mordremoth. And you’re going to do it. You got twice the motivation if you’re a sylvari. Each map is designed to give you the build up of the fight, first you see what Mordremoth can do, then you see what’s at stake, and then you gotta fight for it. The fact the maps are gorgeous (If a little (bit a lot) laggy) only helps the overall feel.  Anything and Everything can and will murder your ass, and you gotta be ready for it.

Now onto PoF maps. This segment is going to be shorter, because in all honesty? PoF, I like you, but you’re just... well, you’ll see. Hopefully. This is after all just my opinion lol.

Oh and if you got this far? Kudos lol I ramble a lot. <3

Anyway, PoF maps.

So the opening to PoF is... quite good? It’s a bit out of your control but it does it’s job imo.

You come in on an airship, and you see the land spread before you. You see a pyramind, and you think “Oh hell yeah, pyramids.” I would LOVE to just be able to explore the area, you know, have a chill opening, but PoF is about FIRE and FIGHT so, you fight and try to save the people and it’s very chaotic and everything is on FIRE OH GODS.

So you chase this mysterious person, you get introduced to the raptor village, all goes well or bad, and then you are directed to the city of Amnoon (since we’re still in a story instance), so you go. Amnoon is very pretty, and following the tradition of MMO cities very impractical, but hey, rule of cool. The whole time you’re not rly allowed to explore anywhere or look at anything, you’re focused, sure, but you’re also very distracted, you get me?

You want to look around, you want to explore, but you’ve just been attacked by this Herald woman and you’re tired of politics. The opening of PoF isn’t bad, but it is very different from HoT, as in HoT you first SAW the carnage Mordy did and THEN you went on down to help the remaining survivals, whereas here, in Oasis, you kinda.. live through it? You see it first hand what Balthy is doing, while in HoT you only chased the aftermaths of the massacres. This works differently for everyone, and I personally prefer the HoT approach. 

PoF is very open when it comes to the story, as in you are not AS limited to instances as it was with HoT, sometimes it works to its advantage, sometimes.. it doesn’t. 

The way PoF maps jerk you around is very confusing to me. You explore Crystal Oasis, then you go to Desert Highlands, then to Elon riverlands, and you gotta go back down through the Oasis to get there, so you are already trudging through the land you already know (and since you have mounts they took full advantage of making the maps bigger, but it makes them feel... emptier? Like I get it, it’s the Desert, but still...) so you get to Elon riverlands, you do your thing there, then you go to Desolation, then to Vabbi. Nice. Okay.

In none of these maps, there is a story meta. None. No impressive whole-map meta where you gotta all cooperate to keep the map stable. Nothing. There is no use in me trying to analyze these maps, for they are just... backdrop to what’s happening.  Balthazar this, Balthazar that. Oh no Kralky is awake, and oh look we met Vlast for like 2 seconds and then he immediately ded. 

I’ll be honest... I don’t remember much of PoF before chapter 9 The Departing (because that chapter was fire. Lol. get it), which saddens me immensely. I remember most of HoT. Where what happened when it happened how it happened, I know, and if I don’t know immediately, in few minutes my brain serves me the entire instance. I could probably play HoT blindfolded. 

This is a very shallow look into why I probably don’t like PoF as much as I like HoT. 

To try and conclude my very messy terrible rant essay:

Heart of Thorns used its maps in a way that showed you with gameplay what’s in store for you. It used maps in a way to help you build that anticipation of the fight, of everything you sacrificed along the way. The maps are smartly connected in a way where with each map you delve deeper into the jungle, deeper into the mouth of the beast. Sure, they lag as fuck, but the PoF maps do so too, don’t lie to yourselves. With each map you meet new allies that help you along the way.

In Path of Fire I just... don’t get that feeling. I run from map to map, mindlessly following the green star, hoping I will stumble upon something interesting on the way. In Heart of Thorns it was the opposite. I was walking around the map, breathing in the atmosphere of the place, and stumbling upon the green story star. I feel like the Elona desert did not get such justice as it deserved. I trudge around the maps, I complete the maps to get the reward, then I move onto the story. My interest in the whole thing only started to pick up once I freaking DIED for gods’ sake. 

My hopes for the End of Dragons, which is happening in Cantha, is that I get more of that focused map design. That story in gameplay, that map-wide meta that will have me grind my teeth at 10pm on a work/school night. I don’t need Drizzlewood metas (an inferior Dragon’s stand, mind you) that are like 2-3 hours long. A 30 min prelude and 30 min metas are fine. An hour long meta if you have the idea for it, but... give me map stories, Anet.

Feel free to share your own feels about the different feels between the DLCs. I will GLADLY take in PoF preferrers. What did you prefer in PoF? What did you like in it? Give me your opinions, give me your take on everything. 

And thank you for reading my overly long rant essay, hah.

[afterspark-podcast]

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen: Transcript

[This can also be found on AO3!]

[Intro Music]

O: Welcome back to the madness of King Bay or the second live action Transformers movie, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.

S: And our second anniversary episode!

O: [laughs] Yay?

S: I sounded way too perky for that.

O: [laughs] As with the first live-action film if you like Revenge of the Fallen then this may not be the episode for you.  But we'll be back soon with G1 episode 41!  So please join us then.

S: Mm, Revenge of the Fallen came out in 2009, still starring Shia LaBeouf and still directed by Michael Bay-

O: It is- [laughs] Yeah, I know, pity.  Uh, it is frequently considered the worst of the live-action films which is concerning that both Age of Extinction and The Last Knight have even lower ratings on Rotten Tomatoes.

S: That takes some doing.

O: Right!?! [laughs]

S: Uh-huh.  Technically, even Dark of the Moon has a lower audience score than this one, but a higher critic score.  So, um... make of that what you will?

O: Basically, what we're saying is until Bumblebee came out the uh, series hit its peak with its first movie [laughs]

S: Mm-hm.

O: But!  Let's get started today by talking about our initial experiences with this particular film.

S: I don't think I saw this in theaters, and I found it really unmemorable.  Uh, aside from there being a few characters that stood out that I still enjoy, but they're very few and far between.

O: Okay, so if you remember in the last- the previous [Bayverse] episode?  I didn't remember where I saw the first movie.  I remember EXACTLY when I saw this movie because I watched it in theaters for a bachelorette party.  Personally, I found the concept of watching a manly action film for a bachelorette party to be fucking hilarious, and I still do!  But I really wish it had been for a better movie. I don't remember having much of an opinion on it when I watched it, but I also didn't watch the third movie in the series until literally the last couple of years when I was blazing through a fuck ton of Transformers media.  So, I clearly didn't care enough to see the continuation in theaters or even rent or borrow it until well after had been released.

S: We begin, yet again, with narration from the one and only Peter Cullen!

O: According to our opening scene uh, you know, the last movie is not the first time that Earth had been visited by Cybertronians.

S: Ah, shocking!  We are shown some craggy mountains populated by ancient humans with spears.

O: Said ancient humans come across a huge Cybertronian installation of some sort and a bunch of Cybertronians.

S: Mm-hmm.  Ominous.  And then there's a weirdly ancient Egyptian or alien-esque Cybertronian with a staff that's apparently in charge.

O: Several humans are squished, and presumably they're all destroyed before we move on to Shanghai, China in the modern day.

S: Oh, will this be relevant?  Who knows!

O: Maybe!  Maybe!  Maybe.

S: We see the Autobots and the military guys from the last movie now working together to hunt down the remaining Decepticons.

O: The combined group is named N.E.S.T.  Short for, “Non-biological Extraterrestrial Species Treaty.”

S: Oh, that's a mouthful.

O: It is, so hence ‘N.E.S.T.’

S: Yeah.  There have been some additions to the Autobot roster.

O: Which for simplicity's sake we're going to talk about them now, because they don't really do a lot-

S: Yup.

O: -in the movie.  And they do show up (kind of) in that last section but again, very few of them even have lines.  I- I think aside from Optimus, the character with the most lines might actually be Ironhide?

S: Yeah.  Um, Sideswipe, not a lot of his personality from G1 or any other iteration for that matter is carried over in this, unfortunately.  Instead of being a Lamborghini he's apparently decided to channel Tracks and is instead a Corvette Stingray.

O: And yet, still no Sunstreaker to be found, much to my frustration.

S: Jolt, a new character who's not in the movie except at the very end and he has very few fleeting shots in between and has no lines despite his bio saying he's come to Earth to join Optimus’ group in the last two years since the first movie.  He seems to use electric whips. [makes whip noises]

O: [laughs]

S: And ah, promptly dies in the Dark of the Moon prequel comic.

O: So he never really does get to do anything.

S: Yeah.

O: So then we have Arcee, Chromia and Elita One.  They are referred to as the ‘Arcee Sisters,’ or if you want to get really confusing, the ‘Arcee Twins’!?

S: [laughs]

O: Even though there's three of them-- at some point.

S: Yeah.

O: Uh, but instead of, you know, their- them being referred to by individual names.  Apparently, they were written as one entity and while it depends somewhat on what real- related media you're looking at, the three of them are commonly portrayed as a multi-component Transformer much like Reflector.  They have very little personality, and they do very little in the movie.  Their alt modes are all motorcycles.  Arcee is pink or red, depending on the toy, Chromia is blue, and Elita One is purple.  Their robot modes sort of resemble Thrust from Beast Machines as they have no legs and function like weird sentient unicycles.

S: Yep, and then there's Skids and Mudflap.  Oh boy, where do we start with these two?  Well, uh, first, there's definitely someone out there who could have given a better breakdown on this than two random white ladies.  Uh, awkward… sorry.

O: Yeah, just in advance we are both white women, we do not know what we're talking about here from a personal perspective.

S: Yeah, so we're just going to sum it up with an extremely uh- in an extremely generalized way.  There was a lot of backlash for these two characters due to them possessing a number of racist african-american stereotype- stereotypical traits that at worst point to the people involved being racist in their own regard, or at best, really not thinking through how this was going to come across to the audience.  They've been referred to as comic relief in the same vein as Jar Jar Binks at several points.  Which is I think a good comparison for our purposes, and unlike the other five characters we just rattled off, these two will feature somewhat prominently in the movie so we'll talk more about them as they pop up.

O: At least kind of in vague sentences because as we said, none of the characters really do very much in this movie.

S: Yeah…

O: Even the ones that are in there for the bulk of the movie, don't do very much in this movie.

S: Yeah.

O: And then our returning Autobots from the first movie are Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, Ironhide, and Ratchet.

S: Mm-hm.

O: We see N.E.S.T. surround a construction vehicle that transforms into a huge ass robot mode and begins wrecking shit.

S: Yep.  Things go boom and everything's extremely orange and blue regarding the lighting and environment.  The second car Decepticon is spotted nearby and he tries to evade N.E.S.T. but is almost immediately bisected by Sideswipe.

O: We don't even really get to see his robot mode either- like, he sort of vaguely transformed I think, to like, crash through a building and then was- turned back into a car and was immediately killed by Sideswipe.

S: Yup.  Optimus is fucking airdropped from a plane-

O: [laughs]

S: Uh, to take on the construction vehicle Decepticon.

O: I- I'm pretty sure they just really wanted that shot of a semi driving off a damn plane.

S: Yeah.

O: Which I mean, okay, fair, it's a cool shot but still.  Uh, so then we see Optimus transform midair deploying some parachutes that have the Autobot logo on them... for some reason.

S: Is branding that important to the Autobots or their allies?  Plus, uh, someone's gonna need to go collect those later.

O: I wanna know why he landed in the middle of a highway- in robot mode!

S: No one here seems to think critically about any of this stuff when they're effectively undercover.

O: Apparently not.

S: I mean how many people with cell phones are taking photos and video of this? TONS!

O: Tons!  That becomes somewhat relevant later.

S: Even though people are still being evacuated.

O: Well, yeah- it said people were being evacuated but then to all these- all these shots that happen here, you still see a bunch of cars on the road.

S: Yeah.

O: While this is all happening.

S: And people still in their homes.

O: Yeah!

S: Optimus catches the rogue Decepticon who tells him menacingly, “The Fallen shall rise again!”

O: Hey, if it gets me out of this movie faster I for one welcome our Fallen overlord.

S: Unfortunately, we've got like, another two hours to go.

O: [sighs] Fuck.

S: And now in a completely different movie!  Sam is getting ready to leave for college.

O: His parents are having very different reactions.  His dad can't seem to wait for him to leave, while his mom is tearing up at every little thing that reminds her of Sam.  Apparently, his dad's got plans for his room, and I'm thinking, “Man cave- how creative.”

S: Ah, he wants his personal theater system, I guess.  After being hugged by his sobbing mother, Sam comments that, “You see this Dad?  This is how you're supposed to react when the fruit of your loins goes into- out of the cruel world to fend for himself.”  Okay, god that is such a cringe line.

O: I don't want to think about the fruit of that man's loins.  I don't want to think about that man's loins at all, okay!?

S: Neither do I, that's why it's so cringy.

O: Yeah- yeah, thanks- thanks for that Sam.

S: [sighs] We are treated to an awkward moment when Sam's dad spanks his mom on the butt as she walks away.  Sam is disgusted- I guess he is our audience surrogate in this moment.

O: His dad then tries to play it off as, “It's like a coach,” and NO that does not make it better! [laughs]

S: That actively makes it worse!  Sexual harassment is not okay.  Sam is apparently the first Witwicky to go to college.

O: I have questions.  Again, what the fuck does Sam's dad do that allows them to have this huge house that didn't require a college degree at any point!?  Who knows!  Uh, the Witwicky’s have apparently got another dog since the last movie, uh, so just another thing to add to this movie-- dog humping.

S: Lots of dog humping, in their dog condo.  It's kind of unsettling.

O: I don't know why they thought that this needed to be in the movie, but here we are.

S: Mikaela calls Sam, intending to break up with him- she is the most emotionally mature person in this movie.

O: Yep, pretty much!  They talk, uh, Sam insinuates that they're going to be entering a long-distance relationship while he's at college.

S: While they're talking, Sam pulls out an old ripped t-shirt.  His D-Day shirt as he refers to it.  Which is apparently, the shirt that he was wearing during the battle in Central City from the first movie.

O: This is important!  This is a plot point!

S: Yeah, we also have to assume that he has never washed the nasty shredded clothes from that day.  Because, I suppose, he wants to hold them and relive the memories of being chased by giant alien robots that wanted to murder him.

O: [laughs] No clue.  Uh, Sam does try to convince Mikaela to move near the college he's going to, but she refuses.

S: Her father's been released from jail since the first movie, and she insists on needing to take care of him.  That should not be poor Mikaela's responsibility, but she is the most responsible person in this movie as I said.

O: Well, and I get it, right?  Like, her dad just got out, presumably she has not seen- really been able to live with him for years.  She's both worried about him, and probably wants to spend time with him.

S: Yeah, that's fair.  Convenient plot device is convenient, as a sliver of the AllSpark falls off of Sam's shirt while he's on the phone to Mikaela.

O: It seems to zap Sam and then he drops it.

S: When it lands on the floor it burns its way through the floor and into the kitchen bringing a bunch of kitchen appliances to life.

O: They all attack Sam.

S: How did they get ammo?  Does just being brought to life just give them ammo?

O: Uh, dear god, why does one of these things have a penis?  That's my question.  Furthermore, why is it shooting things OUT OF ITS PENIS!?!

S: Because... Michael Bay.

O: I had- yeah, that's all I got, man.

S: Bumblebee bursts out of the garage and begins shooting at the little Decepticons, saving Sam's sorry ass yet again.

O: Maybe Bee should be trying to smash them instead of shooting at them?  They're on the front lawn at this point so all I can think is- their neighbors have to be able to see this!

S: I thought this was in the back lawn, but I'm not sure.

O: I- they're outside, he's no longer in the kitchen.  He's trying to shoot Decepticons outside the house, it probably is the backyard, but I don't know.  Sam yells at Bee to get in the garage.

S: Way to micromanage your giant robot bodyguard slash friend. [sighs] Again, it's like- you'd yell at a dog or something.

O: [laughs] Bad Bumblebee, bad!  Of course, Bee smashed out of the garage, uh, despite having a perfectly good door in front of him and then re-enters through the hole he had previously made.

S: Sam's mother is not happy about the surprise kitchen renovations, but Sam's dad calms her down by telling her that the government will pay for it all.

O: I'm so glad to know that this is where my taxes would be going to in this universe.

S: Well, it's definitely worse than some of the other things that it could be going for.

O: [sighs] I suppose that's true.

S: Sam's mom is like fine, but I want to pool and a hot tub!  And I quote, “And I'm going to skinny dip, and you can't say shit about it!”

O: And quite frankly that woman's put up with a lot of stuff, I- I respect- you know as long as she's got a good fence- her right to skinny dip in her own yard. [laughs]

S: Yeah, they need that privacy fence.  Sam goes into the garage to tell the audience, I mean uh, Bee, uh, how Bee can't come to college with him.

O: For reference, ignore the bit in the last movie where Bee talked because that's just gonna be ignored for like, three freaking movies.

S: Yeah.  To calm Bee down he says, “You'll always be my first car!”

O: Not even, you're my best friend- you're my first car.

S: “Congratulations Bumblebee, you're my possession!”

O: Pretty much!

S: Oh, that's creepy.  Sam gives the AllSpark shard to Mikaela for some reason, because Mikaela shows up at the end of all of this.

O: Right, you know like, everything has exploded, Mikaela's out there looking lovely with a bouquet of flowers.

S: Yep, instead of calling the Autobots or giving it to Bumblebee, nope it is given to Mikaela for safe keeping.  Well, I mean she is the most sensible person out of the civilians?

O: Everyone here?  Yeah, it's not that it- can't make it that- it's not that I don't think Mikaela can keep it safe.  She manages to do so quite swimmingly through this movie, but it's rather… not that she can use it at all, and it could potentially be dangerous for her to have it on her person!

S: Yeah.

O: And Bee is right there!  It's not like he couldn't give it to Bee and tell Bee to take it to the Autobots.

S: Yeah, like, that would be, uh, a lot more sensible.  Though if they'd done that it might have been put in with the other... another thing that happens later in the movie.

O: [laughs] True.

S: Anyway, they smooch, words are said, and a somewhat sappy 2000 era love song plays.

O: Meanwhile, no one seems to notice the toy remote control truck that's being controlled by no one.

S: A remote controlled truck that is somehow communicating with outer space, and somehow this character will be vaguely important

O: Shush!  My boy is here!

B: [laugh]

S: Ah, Soundwave shows up and takes over a surveillance satellite.

O: I'm sure I've mentioned this before at some point because I know I've said this multiple times, at least to Specs, but yes, I actually like the Bay version of Soundwave.  He's not in the movie much, but having him take over a satellite and spend the rest of the movie gathering intelligence and sending troops out? *chef’s kiss* Feels very in character, keep going baby.  His design is still garbage... just like everybody else though.

 S: And his voice sounds very nice.

O: That's because it's actually Welker!  He's allowed to be in this movie, doing a sizeable chunk of the speaking Decepticons even!  This is not a G1 similarity I necessarily expected, but I do find it hilarious.  Apparently, he also did the voice for Soundwave in a bunch of other language dubs too, which while interesting... I have to question why?  It's not like Soundwave's voice would have necessarily sounded the same in those other languages in the original G1 dub.  It just sounds like an odd decision?

S: Money.

O: Money.  I- kudos to him for attempting it at least?  But I still don't know why they did it.

S: Back at the N.E.S.T. headquarters, we see Mudflap and Skids uh, shenanigans, and they're unloading dozens of bodies!   Presumably, soldiers that died in Shanghai, uh- that's, uh, welcome to the morbid stuff that they don't spend any time on it at all.

O: Uh, why Sideswipe silver?  You had one job movie, one job.  Sideswipe is a little red sports car this is like, his defining characteristic- surely this was doable!

S: I don't think anyone involved in making the movie was a very big fan of G1 or wanted to maintain, you know, artistic integrity with regards to that.

O: [sighs] Yeah, I know, what am I saying?  I think the actual reason is I've heard red is harder to film?

S: Oh, that might be right.

O: Like- but- [sighs] I don't- it could be, because I want to say- I'm sorry if I'm incorrect- I want to say that's actually the reason Optimus’ color scheme got changed around quite a bit?

S: Mm.

O: And why he's got more blue on him.

[According to TFWiki: “When Optimus's design was first revealed, many fans of the Generation 1 series objected to the flames seen on Prime's body. When asked in an interview why he put the flames on, Michael Bay claimed he liked them because it was "cool". It was later revealed on a special featurette on the DVD that the flames were added because, apparently, red is not very good to film on camera, so Bay chose a blue truck but used the flames so that when Optimus transformed, the layout would result in maintaining his iconic red chest.”]

S: So, a jumped up government official shows up at N.E.S.T. headquarters.

O: And I think we all know where this is going.  Uh, this will be our bureaucratic bastard for this evening.

S: Yeah, you know, the wimpy suit who keeps getting in the way of the ARMY men and their REAL job- AMERICA!

B: [laughs]

S: Sorry, um, and here we have a lovely shot of Optimus transforming.  It's like some nice rotating thing.

O: Okay, get the robot transformation porn out of the way, next!

S: [sighs] And the bureaucratic weasel confronts Optimus on why haven't the Decepticons left the planet now that the AllSpark is destroyed, like they thought they would?

O: Optimus seems to take the opinion that Daddy Prime knows best.  Weasel's not super happy about this, but Optimus does say the Autobots will leave Earth if asked.  Neither of these groups are handling this super amazingly.  (Yes, even Optimus.)  Both sides have a point, if they'd stop trying to wave their metaphorical DICKS around and actually talk from a position of respecting each other's expertise, I'm betting this would go a whole lot better.

S: Probably.  The N.E.S.T. members back Optimus up.  Our only returning characters here are Lennox and Epps, both played by the same actors from last time.

O: Though I did not realize this at first.  I totally thought Epps was played by somebody completely different, and I'm gonna blame the writing because Epps is not given a lot of things to do here.

S: He was a very memorable character in the first movie.

O: Yeah.

S: Yeah, and uh, anyway back to college!  College away!

O: Sam's apparently going to Princeton, on the government's dime no less!

S: Oh god, he does absolutely nothing with it in later films.  Again, we're assuming due to the filming locations that Sam lives in Southern California or thereabouts so we're a bit surprised to realize he actually decided to go to college on the other side of the country.

O: It certainly doesn't come across like Mikaela is a priority in his life.

S: Yeah.  I mean seriously, he could have gone to school in California there's plenty of good schools in California.

O: Yup!  But uh, are you ready for some booze and boobs?

S: [sighs] We're introduced to Sam's roommates.

O: The only one that will actually play much of a role in the plot will be our buddy, Leo here.

S: I hope you're being sarcastic.

O: I mean- I mostly mean that he's there.

S: Well, no, I meant with the buddy bit.

O: [speaking while laughing] Uh, yes, that was sarcasm.

S: Yeah.  Uh, Leo runs a conspiracy theory website called The Real Effing Deal which is currently scrambling to get a- footage of the fight from Shanghai.  Uh, from earlier in the movie up on their site.

O: Which again, is ABUNDANT!  Because Optimus landed in the middle of a highway.

S: Yup.

O: Anyway, they're trying to do this until another person, Robo-Warrior, one ups them and gets the footage up, I think on a different site, first.

S: Yeah.  Sam does his best to play cool and blow Leo and his friends off because it's all, “Fake.” [laughs]

O: Also, I'd like to take- take a moment to note the era accurate Naruto poster decor among the sea of boobs.

S: Yeah.  Leo makes a comment that he and Sam are poor.

O: Alright!  Sit down and buckle up because this legitimately pissed me the fuck off.  So to rant for a moment, let's go back down the checklist of Sam's white fucking privilege, shall we?  He lives in a big house in a nice neighborhood.  In what we are assuming is Southern California, which is not a cheap place to live.  His parents have enough time for leisure activities and in fact, go on vacation in Paris after dropping Sam off.

S: Yup.

O: His dad bought him a car in the last movie and yes, he was very much implied to be being a cheap ass at the time, but at no point is there any indication he couldn't have bought Sam a nicer car.

S: And the car that he's driving when he like, jerks him around on what type of car he's going to get him, it looks like it's a fancy expensive car so...

O: That's also true!  Speaking as someone who grew up in a lower income rural area, and I say this not even remotely being the worst off in that area.  Our floors were rotting out, every time we had a heavy rain we had to run to the windows with towels because so many of them leaked, and more applicable in this situation- my family did not have the money to save up for college for me, or any of my siblings.  Yes, I realize the government is apparently paying for his tuition, but that just proves my point even more, because Sam's gonna come out of this with no student loan debt!

S: Yup!

O: So poor my fucking ass!

S: Uh-huh.  Sam's mom shows up in his dorm room high is a goddamn kite because she apparently bought and ate some brownies from the bake sale not realizing that they were weed brownies.

O: And she's just gonna be a punchline for the next several scenes, sorry.

S: Yeah.  To just list a few of the things that his high as a kite mother does: She talks about him losing his virginity loudly, and kind of at length to various women in the hallway.  [nervous laugh] And in the surrounding environs, mentioning that his car is a talking robot, tackles a dude for some frisbees, and petitions Sam's dad for sex on the campus green.  Considering how much she ate it's very likely she will need to go to the hospital because her knees may attempt to kill her.

O: Uh, then we cut the Soundwave, apropos of nothing, uh, ejecting Ravage into space.  Look, I get him for 10 seconds I'm going to fucking enjoy it.

 S: Ravage’s design here is very prominent with the pointy bits and teeth.

O: Rawr. [laughs]

S: And he lands near a US military base and runs over to a pipe sticking out of the ground and basically- uh, ralphs up a bunch of itty-bitty bots?

O: Into the pipe.  Uh, you know.  So I’m just saying uh, Soundwave’s baby had babies, this clearly makes Soundwave a grandad.

B: [laugh]

S: All the bots fall down the pipe and once they're at the other end meld together to form a new bot that is...gah.

O: He's interesting!  At least, visually, in that he is basically flat, so he can be borderline invisible when he's looking head-on at something.

S: He looks like a knife raptor.

O: Uh, this thing's name is Reedman and he doesn't show up except in this one scene.  Uh, he also brings our ‘Decepticons voiced by Frank Welker’ count up to three after Soundwave and Ravage.

S: Reedman?

O: Reedman, yeah!  I looked at the wiki!

S: [laughs]

O: I looked at the wiki, and I was like, “That's a terrible name!” but that's the name!

S: I am judging whoever named that character, so hard.

O: [laughs] Aren't we just judging the entire movie?

S: Oh yes, but…Reedman?

O: Fuck if I know, man.

S: Another piece (aside from Sam's piece) of the AllSpark is being held here so, uh, Reedman gets to work stealing it.

O: Alarms begin to go off and several military guys arrive at the bunker and shoot at our knife raptor.

S: Ravage begins firing at the base to distract them.

O: I'm very amused he's got his tiny little hip missiles too!

S: Meanwhile, back at the plot we're all absolutely dying to continue- cough, cough, no, cough.

O: [laughs]

S: Sam's been dragged to a college frat party by his roommates?

O: It looks like a frat party.  I don't even know why they want to bring Sam uh, they don't even seem to like him.

S: Eh, they want to have someone less cool with them so that basically they can be like, “Hey, look at that lame guy, we're much cooler.”

O: Well, Sam is definitely the least cool person in the area right now due to mommy shenanigans.

S: Yeah, while at the party Sam is missing his first video call with Mikaela.  God, you are such a sucky long distance boyfriend, Sam!

O: Right!?  You had one job!  So we see Mikaela getting ready, taking her hair down and talking to her doggo while getting her computer set up.

S: Sam's- uh, promptly begins to spazz out by the uh, snack table and draws strange symbols with food.

O: These symbols are Cybertronian and the AllSpark fragment has helpfully downloaded a bunch of stuff directly into Sam's brain.

S: [sighs] We've upgraded from they want the glasses to they're going to want the brain, aren't they?

O: Something along those lines, yes!  Quite frankly, again, I think they can have it. [laughs]

S: One partygoer notices Sam's new hobby and saunters over to seduce herself to him.

O: [laughs] Uh, blondie's name is Alice, and don't worry we'll get to see her panties later because what the absolute fucking fuck Bay!?!

S: [sighs] Bay, why- why'd you hurt me so? [sighs] There's a discussion about girlfriends and Sam says, “kind of,” in regards to having one.

O: Kind of?  KIND OF!?!  Sam, you dick waffle!

S: [sighs] The quintessential jock yells, “Who drove the freaking yellow Camaro!?”

O: Sam’s Bee senses tingle, and he leaves the party.

 S: Bee is waiting outside on the lawn, or possibly the bushes but…

O: In that general vicinity! [laughs]

S: Yeah, but Alice follows him down and hops into Bee's passenger seat.

O: Bee attempts to communicate to Sam that this woman is ~baaaad news~ using various voice clips and songs.  And this would have been a really interesting bit if Bee did have his voice back and he had to communicate with Sam like this because he's doing it in front of Alice!

S: Yeah, like, that would have been interesting and a neat way of utilizing his past experience to communicate.

O: Yeah, because I- I don't know remember if we've talked about this super much but there- there's nothing wrong with Bee still relying a bit on that because it is kind of funny and entertaining to see.  It's- just make it so he has to use it in scenarios with other people around?

 S: Yeah, god, he could do so much with musical lyrics.

O: Pretty much!

S: Alice seems to know something is up, as Bee makes her as uncomfortable as physically possible as he can, including spraying her with a icky yellow liquid and slamming her into the dashboard.

O: She exits in a huff before Bumblebee takes Sam to a graveyard where the rest of the Autobots are waiting.

S: So that was night.  Now we are inexplicably in the daytime, I think?

O: Morning.  Early morning it looks like.

S: Yeah.  Optimus tells Sam the last piece (or as much as he is aware) of the AllSpark was stolen and attempts to convince Sam to remind the other humans why the Autobots are necessary and why they're trying to use a college student for this is a big question.

O: I don't know- and Sam says no, because he's just a normal college student.  I don't understand this, I feel like I would jump at a chance like this?  Like, dude, does it have good health insurance?  Does it have a pension?  Yes?  Sign me the fuck up!  But I want to ask, why the heck didn't Sam tell the Autobots here about the fragment he gave to Mikaela!?

S: Because he's a shitty little baby- I mean, obviously.

O: Oh, [unintelligible].  Then out in the middle of the ocean in a different movie… Over the Laurentian Abyss, which is where the dead Cons were dumped in the last movie.  Several Decepticons have stowed away on what looks like a cargo ship.

S: The fact that it's going directly over where they need to go is uh... they probably hacked it.

O: Wouldn't shock me.

S: Yeah, so who the Decepticons are is absolutely unimportant.  The only recognizable one is Ravage.

O: And I think only one other one will actually get named.

S: Yeah.

O: Uh, so they all jump off the ship and into the water, and I have to you know, bring up- they specifically said they dumped the dead bodies into this trench because of the pressure and cold in the last movie.  So, why are all these Cons just perfectly fine with a little skinny dipping?

S: I mean, maybe it's just supposed to keep- I don't know, whatever self-repair systems the dead ones have from working and it doesn't do shit to like, perfectly fine robots?  I don’t know.

O: They were using cold as a weapon against them in one though. Like, against Bee.

S: That's absolutely true, but I mean, if cold didn't [did] do anything to them how would they operate in space?

O: I don't know, but they clearly had Megatron on ice.

S: Who knows... yeah.

O: And he got frozen in the Arctic!

S: Yeah, I know, the entire thing is garbage.  It may be- maybe water- maybe frozen water is their kryptonite?  God. [laughs]

O: Welcome to Earth! [laughs]

S: Why didn't they dismember the Decepticons, or incinerate them?  Or you know, take important parts, crush them, destroy them or whatever.  Like, throw them in 100 different places- that would work a lot better than this!  Run them through a trash compactor or something, before they dump them down into the Laurentian tre- Abyss.

 O: I’ll tell you exactly why.  Uh, because the government put out a bid for trash removal and the lowest bidder won.

S: The government does stupid things, many times. [sighs] We see a military sub monitoring this area, reading the five Cybertronian life signs.

O: They reach Megatron and a little doctor bot (whose name is Scalpel), starts uh, poking around at his corpse.

 S: [sighs] He shouts about his need for parts, and one of the nameless Constructicons is offed.  The parts and the AllSpark fragment are all shoved into Megatron.

O: So Megatron's back.

S: Yup.

O: And yet, still voiced by Hugo Weaving so I don't care.  No offense, Hugo Weaving.  Uh, get back to me in two movies.  Also notice they didn't kill Ravage here, because I'm entirely convinced Soundwave would end them.

S: Probably, because I mean, they did like- the little doctor boss specified, “Kill the little one!”

O:  It- to- pointing to a random Constructicon.

S: Yeah.  Fun bout of bad continuity, the radar shows the five life signs, as Ravage and Scalpel are both too small to show up, and then uh, when they come up they have six life signs but uh, you'll remember they had to kill a Constructicon down there.  So uh, it should be this same number, even with Megatron in tow.  Or maybe they brought the other Con- Decepticons back to life, I don't know?

O: I don't think so, we never see them.  They could have brought Blackout back to life, but we'll get into why they didn't later.

S: I mean maybe they brought uh, shoot- Scorponok?

O: No, Scorponok never died in the first movie.

S: Oh… well… yeah.

O: He just- they got his tail like-

S: Oh, that’s right.

O: The- the army guys cut off his tail but then he disappeared.

S: Oh, that's right.  Mm.

O: Megatron's apparently salty enough at humans though, in general, to smash through this- the military sub on his way up, so all those people are dead now.

S: He'd do that even if he wasn't feeling salty, you know that.

O: Oh yeah, he's a bastard, but you know.

S: Uh, Megatron flies to one of Saturn's moons where the Nemesis is being uh, well, it's parked and is used as a base by some of the remaining Decepticons, which includes our old buddy Starscream.  And he knocks Starscream around for taking over the Decepticons while he was ‘away’.

O: You know, while he was literally fucking dead. [laughs]

S: And so we are introduced to the Darth Sidious to Megatron's Darth Maul.

O: Including liberal use of the word ‘disciple’!

S: [sighs] So much sighing.  This is the Fallen whose name we will not find out in the movie itself because it would be really fucking confusing to have Megatron, and his master, Megatronus, running around.

O: Also, um, a bunch of little baby robots in pods?  On the wall.

S: Robot eggs.  So many robot eggs.

O: But no really, I'm not sure we can explain that any better than we just did- so just roll with it.

S: Yeah.  Anyway, the Fallen isn't shown to have an alt mode in this, but once you see him you do realize he was the Transformer that was shown at the very beginning of the movie while Optimus was monologuing.

O: And as kind of mentioned previously, he looks vaguely like the queen from Alien, but you know, with eyes and a huge staff he fights with.

S: And less arms and no tail.

O: Yeah.  Apparently though, only a Prime can kill the Fallen.  Don't ask us how the fuck that works!

S: I guess only a Prime can kill a Prime?  Because wasn't the Fallen a Prime?

O: Yes, he was considered a Prime but I don't- I still don't know how the mechanics of that work is what I'm getting at.

S: Is it just a weird cultural hangup?

O: I- I don't know!  That's what I'm saying, it's never explained!

S: I know, I know.  This will get weird in a bit.

O: [laughs]

S: It will! [sighs]

O: But they're like, “So if we remove that one pesky remaining Prime we’ll be off scot-free!” [laughs]

S: Yep.  The Fallen explains that the AllSpark cannot be destroyed it can merely be transformed.

O: Everything transforms on Cybertron, but right now the AllSpark is currently living rent free in Sam's head.

S: And I think he wants some goddamn rent, but I think we all want some goddamn rent for having this living rent free in our heads.

O: [laughs] Right!?!  Bay, you should pay us for watching this movie!

S: [sighs] So, the Decepticons are going to go after Sam (again), kill Optimus, or at least make another attempt at it (again), and presumably somehow use Sam's brain as they AllSpark.

O: But then Starscream walks in holding a dead robot baby, waving it around and saying they need more Energon or all the hatchlings will continue to die.

S: Well, someone apparently… uh.

O: I just don't know why this is here. I'm sorry, I don't- I don't know why they felt the need to have Starscream motioning while holding a dead baby!

S: [laughs] Being a very bad nurse maid-

O: Yes!  But now it's time to go back to school.

S: I already want to hit someone in this class well, multiple someones.  Sam is setting it in on his physics class.

O: With the absolute creepiest, filthiest, fucking professor I have seen in a good long while.

S: Ah, innuendos, a god complex, this man is so many sexual harassment lawsuits, and a restraining order waiting to happen.

O: This is not appealing!  Who the fuck does this appeal to?

S: I don't know but I'm ace, so I'm possibly not the best person to ask.

O: Is this a straight woman thing!?  Where the hell are we gonna find one of those this time of night?

B: [laugh]

S: Sam starts freaking out like he was uh, doing at the party, writing equations, and stuff all over the board.  He basically gets up, and bowls his way into- up to the front of the class and basically shows up the shitty professor.

O: Uh, Bulkhead did this in Prime, I'd like to personally nominate Bulkhead as our main character instead of Sam.

S: Oh yeah, Bulkhead would be a much more fun character.  Sam is promptly kicked out of the class uh, because showing up the professor and also the fact that the dean is apparently there.  So he's been- that professor has been like this while the dean is there.

O: Yes, so, uh, obviously he's sleeping with the old lady too, is what I'm getting from this.

S: That's creepy, it's even worse!  I mean, this is a female dean.

O: Yeah, female dean not just a random like, male dean, I mean an older female dean!

S: [sighs] Oh god.  Sam calls Mikaela mid freak out, and realizes that the AllSpark has caused his little problem.

O: Uh, so he asks her to bring the AllSpark fragment to him on the East Coast.  Uh, by the way I would just like to take a moment to tell you this very important information, Mikaela's dog's name is Bones.

S: Uh, the little remote controlled truck Decepticon, who we regret to inform you is this universe's version of Wheelie, uhh, is stalking around the garage where Mikaela is.

O: Wheelie, uh, clearly hasn't gotten the memo on you know, Mikaela taking out a Decepticon with a power tool in the first movie, decides to be a dumbass and say, “You're hot, but you're not too bright,” as he attempts to steal the AllSpark fragment.

S: The fact that Wheelie has some sort of metric for human um, attractiveness is honestly, really concerning.

O: Just a little bit.

S: [sighs]

O: Uh, predictably though, Mikaela fucks him up with a welding torch, including taking out one of his optics.

S: Wheelie begs for mercy from the Warrior Goddess.

O: At last Mikaela is given a proper title.

S: Uh-huh, and then Mikaela shoves him in a box and hops on a plane.

O: Metal box, I feel like it's important it does actually hold him.

S: Yeah, a metal box, and hops on a plane with him and the AllSpark.  And honestly this feels like something that she couldn't successfully do after 9/11.

O: Which is hilarious, because this was definitely filmed after 9/11.  So we just have to go with she's so sexy that she was able to get the big metal box on the plane without having to go through an x-ray.

S: Except that everything that goes on the plane when you check it should go through x-ray…

O: I know, I know!

S: Or-

O: Boobs!  The power of boobs!

S: Never mind that the power of boobs should not, you know, somehow affect the people that do not get exposed to the boobs.

O: See- see this is why uh, this movie would have been stopped in its tracks if one of the TSA agents had been a woman- a straight woman.

S: Or one of the people who sorts stuff or- because like, just imag-

O: It looked like it was her carry-on.

S: Now I'm just imagining that the people, because like you know how they sometimes go and randomly open bags to go through the contents? [laugh] I'm just imagining someone doing that and then there being a major freak out because out comes a stupid remote controlled car that’s yelling at everyone.

O: [laughs] Yeah… yeah.

S: Uh, then we cut to a short segment showing that all the Autobots are heading to locations on the East Coast as the rest of N.E.S.T. mobilizes.

O: But wait!  Decepticon pretenders are afoot at Princeton!

S: That's not ominous at all.  Sam is in his room going nuts and writing stuff on the wall.

O: Uh, and then Alice pushes her way into Sam's room and attempts a rather forceful seduction. 

S: She straight up picks him up and tosses him on the bed.

O: Which really should have been his first clue that something was very wrong!

S: Yeah, because Alice is not uh, portrayed as a…

O: A big woman.

S: Yes.

O: She's very slight and conventionally attractive.

S: Yeah, so she gets on top of him, and then we get the most awkward shot of Decepticon panties as the metal tail comes out from underneath Alice's extremely short dress.

O: Thanks for that Michael Bay.  I always, always wondered what brand of underpants Decepticons were wear, given the chance.

S: [sighs] She kisses Sam, apparently with tongue, and Mikaela walks in and is understandably pissed.

O: Alice asks if she's his girlfriend and Mikaela just says, “Ex,” and walks out, and I'm just like, “Yes, girl DRAG him!”

S: And meanwhile, Leo is sort of fluttering around in the background.

O: Yes, uh, because Alice pushed past him to get into their dorm room.

S: Sam attempts to follow, but Alice is 99% done with his dumb ass.

O: Uh, she attempts to strangle him with her suddenly very long and metal tongue.

S: Ah, that has apparently been places I do not want to think about.

O: I do not want to think about any of this, yeah.

S: Yeah.  Sam is able to escape, and we see Alice transform into a very obvious robot.

O: Sam, Mikaela, and Leo run into a nearby library where Sam and Mikaela begin having a whisper argument.

S: They're busy whisper shouting this entire time.  Alice catches up and smashes through the library, still chasing them.

O: I'm surprised this thing still has hair in robot mode.

S: Hair?  I mean its still got boobs!

O: Bay, what the fuck!?

B: [laugh]

O: So they hop in the car, Mikaela saves both their butts by hot wiring it, and slamming Alice into a lamp post before running her over again with the car.

S: Where was Bumblebee during all of this?

O: Uh, he was actually with the Autobots a few- the other Autobots a few scenes back, so he's definitely not here.

S: Yeah unfortunately Sam and company don't get very far and are captured by Grindor who picks them up like, so you know those uh, claw machines-

O: [laughs]

S: At grocery stores?  Grindor basically does that and then he carries them off, like- they’re his claw machine loot.  Nearly losing one in the process.

O: I mean, truely, they kind of are.  So, uh, you- to- get- you know how I just mentioned that they definitely couldn't have brought Blackout back to life?  That is because Grindor looks exactly like Blackout, but he's not Blackout.  Because Blackout died at the end of the last movie, and we totally thought he was Blackout and he's even listed as Blackout on some of the toys and a good chunk of promotional material, but- but he's a different character.  I don't know why they did this.

S: I don't know they wanted to keep the trademark in use, maybe?

O: [groans]

S: For the Grindor name, because they used it- I think, in anime- Armada.  I think they used it in Armada, so this was probably just blatant patent-

O: It was bad though. [laughs]

S: Oh yeah, I know.  Or um, trade- name trademarks?  I don't know.

O: But he makes a Decepticon number four voiced by Welker.

S: Mm-hm.  So, the car is dropped into some kind of warehouse where Sam is confronted by the now very alive Megatron.

O: Who's definitely holding a grudge against Sam for the whole ‘killing him in the last movie’ thing.

S: Yep, Sam is laid out on a concrete slab and Scalpel gets to work.  Starting with shoving a metal squid down Sam's throat, uhh…

O: No, no, no!  No, no, no, no, NOPITY, nope, nope, nope nope!

S: Yeah, this is uh, pretty gross and I don't like it and I don't think anyone else likes it either.  A metal squid uh, exits his mouth and projects images of what's in Sam's brain. [groans]

O: But!  This is apparently not all the information in his brain, as Scalpel definitely intends to remove it from his head.

S: Sam is saved just in time by the Autobots.

O: I want to know how Megatron even got into this warehouse.  There's not any like, big holes that we can see or anything, aside from the one Grindor- when Grindor dropped the car through.

S: Yeah, there really don't seem to be any openings big enough for him that we can see.

O: Okay, just going to assume mass shifting in this continuity for no good reason, okay.

S: Either that or he did the stupid ‘I'm a contortionist’ through the door, which seems way more respect for the -

O: [laughs] Robot limbo!

S: That seems to be way more uh, respect for the integrity of this building than Megatron should feel.

O: Yes!

S: Ah, so, um, Leo and Mikaela escape in Bee while Optimus takes Sam.

O: So they're separated, and Optimus has to fight Megatron alone.  And Megatron turns into a tank for a split second!  I didn't even realize this version of him could BE a tank!

S: Yeah, he's a multiformer?

O: Apparently!

[In the background crowd noises are heard as the hosts begin speaking like sports announcers.]

O: But now, it's the match of the century here at the Forest Fighting arenaaaa!

S: It's Megatron versus Optimus tonight, folks!

O: The Warlord himself versus Optimus Fucking Prime! [laughs]

[A wrestling bell rings in the background to signify the start of the match.]

S: Optimus gets a good right hook in.

O: Right before being tackled by Megatron!

S: Is that legal?

O: Hell if I know!  It's giant robots, it's all the same amount of legal!

S: Oh!  He's got the tree!

[The crowd increases in volume.]

S: Optimus has got the tree!

O: What a hit, you know that one must have hurt!

S: And now it's a sword fight?  They both are up and swinging away!

O: It just turned into a three-on-one match, folks!

[The crowd begins booing.]

S: Oh no- no, Optimus- Starscream and Grindor have joined the fray!

O: Wait, somehow a human's gotten into the arena.

S: Starscream and Megatron are chasing him down.

[The crowd increases in volume]

O: But Optimus has intercepted them and has taken them both on!

S: Starscream has been tossed out of the arena- out of bounds, out of bounds!

O: Optimus has gone through a tree!

S: Now the Cons are all just taking turns hitting him.  You hate to see it folks, you hate to see it!

O: Optimus is eatin’ dirt!

S: But he's back and now dual wielding blades!

O: Grindor’s lost an arm!

S: Megatron’s taken a good one to the kneecap.

O: And hit to the face!

S: That's it!  That's it for Grindor!  Hook, line and sinker!

[The crowd roars.]

O: Oh, he must have a splittin’ headache!

S: Or at least he would if he still had a head.

O: But Optimus is distracted before taking the blade to the chest!

[A wrestling bell sounds to signify the end of the match.]

O: That's it!  It's all over!  Optimus is down, I repeat- Optimus is down!  Megatron's the winner!

[Applause and the crowd noise fades out]

O: No really, Optimus is dead now, because Bay wants to make us feel things.

S: Except very badly, and unfortunately, this Optimus didn’t back up his brain on a floppy disk.  And I mean there is no pathos here!

O: Of course somehow during all of this no one ends our suffering by squishing Sam accidentally or otherwise.

S: [sighs]

O: [laughs]

S: The rest of the Autobots drive up just in time to see Optimus body.

O: Where the fuck were they!?!

S: Being useless.

O: Yeah, that checks out.

S: Megatron and Starscream flee and land on a skyscraper in the middle of a city, and then argue about what to do next.  And we cut to Soundwave doing what he does best, remotely managing resources.

O: Which in this case means tracking Sam's parents down in Paris as they enjoy some fine parisian food, and prank calling them.

S: Yeah, his mom is not impressed about the heavy breathing.  Such as it is.

O: We then see several Decepticons, including The Fallen, fall to Earth taking out several air carriers and buildings as they land.

S: One of these Decepticons captures Sam's parents.

O: The Fallen sends out a tv broadcast basically spelling out that he wants Sam turned over to him in order to spare the rest of the planet.

S:  Ah, the news story is shown, letting us know that worldwide the number of casualties is in the ballpark of seven thousand, and well, that's not as horrifying as it came across initially, but mmm…

O: Just seven thousand, for the entire world?  I, for one, welcome our Decepticon overlords.  In case you're watching this in the future, we're recording this at the tail end of 2020 and we live in the US.  That's literally less than 30% of the US’ current Covid death count at this point- eh- while we were researching this episode.  It's probably more now.

S: Sam, Mikaela, Leo, Bee, and the Twins are hiding out in, and around some abandoned buildings.

O: Leo's upset, but Sam tells him to suck it up because he's involved now.

S: A helicopter dumps Optimus’ body over at N.E.S.T., and that was not a respectful handling of a dead body.

O: To be fair, he is very big, and the humans are very small, and that was not an Autobot helicopter.

S: Yeah, but that was effectively a world leader.

O: Yeah, Ironhide is upset and uh, begins to get antsy with his guns.

S: Mr. Government Weasel shows up and shuts N.E.S.T. down.  Lennox gets upset when he realizes the US government is planning out to hand Sam over.

O: And they're right to consider it!  You should (theoretically speaking) hand over one person if has the possibility of stopping a massive amount of death!

S: The problem is it wouldn't stop the massive amount of death, and it would just let them basically strip mine the planet because the Decepticons- the name starts with deception.

O: Fair, but the only ones who would know that are the Autobots and possibly members of N.E.S.T.  From the perspective of government officials, who do not have this information, it makes sense.

S: Yeah.  Skids and Mudflap clue the group in on trying to find someone who can read the Cybertronian text the AllSpark downloaded into Sam's brain.

O: Leo has decided to join them on their uh, “adventure”.

S: In quotation marks.  Which is probably uh, for the best because he knows a guy who might be able to help.

O: Remember the rival internet guy from before?

S: Guess who's back from the first movie, and it might not be your first thought!

O: That's right, Agent Simmons from the first movie, who is no longer- is a no longer an agent, is Robo-Warrior.

S: I feel like the tech guy from the first movie would have probably made a better Robo-Warrior.

O: Yeah, I do too... I do too.

S: [sighs] So, Sam and company arrive at Simmons’ mom's deli, or possibly his deli that his mom works at too or something?  I don't know it…

O: It's not very clear.

S: Yeah.

O: Uh, come to find out that Simmons has held on to some old Sector 7 documents.

S: Not just some, uh, he stole a lot of shit from Sector 7.  Like, enough to fill like a sub basement.

O: [snorts] Uh, now Mikaela pulls out Wheelie, who has been in tow in the metal box.

S: Uh-huh.

O: Uh, smooth talking him into helping them.

S: Wheelie also can't read the writing from before, saying that it's in the ‘language of the Primes’ and that they need a Seeker.

O: I had completely forgotten they referred to these guys as Seekers until we watched this again.  I kind of had a ‘what the fuck’ moment.

S: Same.  Seekers, in this continuity are ancient Cybertronians that had been tasked with traveling the galaxy, looking for stars to use as energy sources for the AllSpark.  This is a little bit of a hint, hint, hint, for uh, something that might happen later.

O: In a convenient coinkydink, some of Simmons’ old documents show several of these Seekers in their alt modes.

S: Wheelie is able to identify an SR-71 Blackbird in the National Air and Space Museum as a Seeker.

O: So off the gang goes to Washington DC.

S: Outside the National Air and Space Museum, Simmons rips off his pants, revealing the Sector 7 thong to the audience... and then turns around so we can get the view from every angle.  That’s-

O: No, no, no.  I did not need to see robot balls.  I did not need to see hairy man balls, and I certainly did not need to see hairy man ass!  I'm not even sure why he did this!?  I assume he changed pants but I don't know why he did that right here, in a parking lot, in front of everyone!

S: For the pain, I don't know.

O: [laughs]

S: And thus, they come up with the most amazing scheme to get into the museum as it's closing.  Leo's being a coward and Simmons intimidates him a bit.

O: Oh god!  That man is pressing his man meat against that man's meat!

S: [sighs] Inside the museum, Leo comes out of the bathroom with his pants… mmm, like, down around his ankles, looking for toilet paper.

O: Why did they want to do this to me?  I am feeling personally attacked by the quantity of hairy man I am seeing in this movie!

S: Why are they doing this to us?  It’s not just to you-

O: Why are they doing this to everyone!?! [laughs]

S: Yeah.  The security guard escorts Leo back into the bathroom, chastising him about how this is a family museum.

O: Yeah, the only one guy doing their job here is the security guard, okay?

S: Yeah, and [he] attempts to hand them toilet paper over the top of the stall.

O: Leo then zaps him with a taser and the man falls to the ground.

S: Of course Leo manages to uh, taze himself with the taser too and falls down, kind of by the guy, and is unable to move.

O: Simmons comes in and drags Leo, still twitching, out of the bathroom.

S: I am hoping that his pants are up, but god who knows with this movie-

O: I don't think they were when he started dragging him. [laughs]

S: God, why?

O: Oh, there was butt- his butt cheeks were ALL over that floor.

S: [sighs] So, they run through the museum and find the correct jet, and then Sam uses the AllSpark fragment on that jet.

O: You would think that perhaps, perhaps, before using an AllSpark fragment to wake a Cybertronian up you might check his goddamn faction badge first but, NOOOO!  It’s only after the jet begins to transform they notice the goddamn Decepticon symbol.

S: We are introduced to easily what is not only the best robot character in this movie, but quite possibly the best character in the movie, period.

O: Meet Jetfire!  He's old, he's cranky, he's a delight, and he's got a pretty sweet looking beard.

S: Yep, and a cane made from his alt mode’s landing gear.  You know, for extra old man points.

O: Now bit of a tangent, but in G1 you will remember Skyfire.  Our big sweetie pie scientist.

S: Starscream’s ex, you can't forget that.

O: Can’t forget that, and also frequently utilized as a taxi service by the Autobots.

S: Well, Skyfire is often named Jetfire instead, depending on the continuity.  You know, name stuff is weird...

O: Yeah, and- but this Jetfire doesn't have too much in common with our big old scientist, I just wanted to point out that he was clearly referencing him.  Um, but the one thing he does have in common and the most important thing to the idiots we're following, is that he is a Decepticon defector.

S: Mm-hmm.  Jetfire attempts to fire at a large door to get outside but is uh, having some uh, ‘performance issues’ with his equipment.

O: [laughs] Uh, he is able to get outside, so our party follows him um... into Arizona.  And yes, we know that movies often have to be shot at other locations, or fudge locations and make certain events work.  But I find this one particularly jarring as they are clearly in a desert with mountains off in the distance which does not line up with the geography around Washington DC.

S: Yeah, considering that it was what, a swamp?

B: [laugh]

O: Definitely not a desert with mountains!

S: Yeah, ah, this part was actually filmed at the 309th Aerospace Maintenance and Regeneration Group, or The Boneyard, in Tuscan, Arizona.

O: Jetfire gives a speech about how being an Autobot or a Decepticon is a choice.

S: An intensely personal choice, even.  And Wheelie's like, “Holy shit it IS!?!”

O: And proceeds to start humping Mikaela's leg, charming.

S: [long drawn out sigh] So many sighs.

O: [laughs] I don't understand all the humping in this movie Bay, I really don't.

S: Juvenile male humor?

O: I guess?

S: Guys think humping shit is funny, somehow?  I don't know. [sighs] Jetfire shows his uh, senility a little bit talking about his parents.

O: “My father?  Why he was a wheel!  The first wheel, and you know what he transformed into?  Nothing!  But he did so with honor- dignity, damn it!”

S: And that is a direct quote-

O: [laughs]

S: Straight from the man himself!

O: He's a delight.

S: [sighs] Sam pulls out a knife and begins carving the uh, Cybertronian symbols into the ground.  I mean, where- where'd he get the knife?  I have questions.

O: Thong man?  Probably?

S: Disconcerting- disconcertingly, yes, that is probable.  Um, Jetfire blabbers off about the Dagger's Tip before generating a space bridge, and teleporting everyone to Egypt with uh, very little warning.  I mean the only warning he gives them is, “Hold on or you'll die!” to the nearby squishies

O: I also feel like we need to preface, Dagger's Tip as in a location, not talking about the- the knife Sam is holding.  Realize that might be a little confusion without- confusing without context.

S: Yeah, and are Bumblebee and the Twins… are also here?

O: The Twins are also here translated- trans- translated?  Transported.

S: Okay, because yeah, they apparently showed up after they they exited and mass translocated to Arizona. [sighs] Life is weird in this movie.

O: Yeah, so uh, then Jetfire informs us that once upon a time, in a galaxy far far away… The original seven Primes had arrived on Earth to build a device called a Star Harvester which can create Energon by destroying suns.  Wait, seven!?!  Did they just pick a number at random!?

S: Probably.  I don't think whoever it was making this movie cared about the lore that was in other parts of the series.

O: At least seven is also a prime number…

S: Yeah... I mean, heck, I don't remember if they had a different number in [the] Cybertron [tv series]?  Because Cybertron I think, did have a list of Primes.

O: I think the number’s are usually 13.

S: Yeah, but it's just- I don't remember when that number came up-

O: Mm- that’s fair.

S: If it was before or after this.

[Okay, this is mildly confusing, (as Transformers lore often is) but the rough concept for The Thirteen has been around since 1999, but was really only solidified in 2004-2005 into specifically, Thirteen Primes.  All that being said, even if that wasn’t established in the first movie, it certainly would have been by the time they were creating the sequel. Also, several adaptations of this movie do have thirteen Primes, not seven, and designs had been created for 12 (non-Fallen) Prime heads, so who knows what the heck happened with this behind the scenes. ~O]

S: Yeah, and while they had a rule about not destroying suns that supported life, the Fallen decided that the humans sucked, and tried to turn it on anyway because-

O: He's a dick! [laughs]

S: He was basically the equivalent of a pissy house proud lady who, with a- whose house had a mouse infestation and he wanted to demolish it anyway but… The humans are the mice in this metaphor.

O: [laughs] Uh, the Primes tried to fight him but were unable to actually defeat him.

S: Considering that only a Prime is supposed to be able to defeat the Fallen this is somehow extremely disappointing.  So they took the Matrix of Leadership and sealed it in a tomb made of their own bodies.

O: The Matrix of Leadership is a reoccurring McGuffin in the Transformers lore, but for some inexplicable reason in this continuity it is basically just a ‘key’ for the Star Harvester.

S: Well, I think it also has some other purposes, considering what they end up using it for later… but yeah, it's primarily just the horse- blah, the Star Harvester key.  Jetfire conveys that Sam needs to find the Matrix of Leadership or they're all fucked.  I mean, what happened?  Did turning on Jetfire completely destroy the AllSpark fragment or is it just... dead now?  Could they use that to re-awaken Optimus body?

O: I mean yeah, you would think right!?  Because like, they- they did- they- that's how they brought Megatron back but nobody thought of this!

S: I mean didn't they already have a thing that they could have used to just, wake Optimus up?

O: Maybe?  I don't know.  I don't know.  Moving right along!  Um-

S: I want answers!  Sorry...

O:  We're not gonna get ‘em.  And then presumably, they leave Jetfire in the desert because he needs a good long nap after generating a whole ass space bridge.

S: Well, he basically tells them to get lost before any Auto- before any Decepticons show up.

O: Yeah, because assumably he's gonna take a nap.

S: Yeah, I mean- I think another Decepticon does show up at some point in the novelization, but who knows. I think grandpa beats his pants- or beats his ass.  Sam reaches the conclusion that if the Matrix of Leadership can activate the Sun Harvester then maybe it could reactivate Optimus, like some sort of robot activating skeleton key.

O: Seems like a bit of a reach, but alright.

S: No one knows what's going on here, so I guess, sure!  Let's run with it.

S: They stop by a nearby village allowing Simmons to contact N.E.S.T. and somewhat covertly tell them that they need to bring Optimus’ corpse over to Egypt.

O: [laughs]

S: [sighs] Oh, this is going to be so many… ugh, so many problems.

O: Soundwave is still able to figure out what the fuck they're saying though, and deploys the Decepticons to the same location that Simmons had given N.E.S.T.  You know, do you think his back hurts?  You know, from carrying his entire faction?

S: Probably, but I mean, he's in space so there's not much weight up there right now.

O: [laughs] Probably lessens the feeling a little bit.

S: Using some gibberish about the ‘three kings’ and also, astrological knowledge, Sam is able to figure out where the Primes’ tomb is and uh, the group heads towards the mountains of Petra.

O: Lennox's group has also brought the government weasel with them along on their ‘Definitely Not Transporting a Giant Robot Corpse’ mission, and then they fool him into jumping out of the plane.  So they can carry on without interruption.

S: Slightly less jumping out of the plane and slightly more uh, fooling him into opening the damn parachute that uh, they got the man to wear and then he gets swept out because--

O: It was a parachute. [laughs]

S: Moving plane, open door, there goes the- there goes the parachute.  Oops!  So much wind.

O: And it really might be one of the funniest scenes in the entire movie.  It also reads entirely too close to something our DND group would pull.

S: Oh yeah, yeah.

B: [laugh]

O: Ask our DM!

S: Oh, any one of our DMs.

O: Any one of our DMs, but I'm particularly talking about when my poor husband had to DM.

S: Yeah, I'm thinking about the ‘whale’ incident.

[My husband regretted that our party had the ability to summon large creatures and portals on that day. ~O]

So Sam and company arrive at Petra.

O: For the non-documentary nerds among us, uh, Petra is an ancient city in Southern Jordan.  While it does contain more structures than the treasury (which is what I think they show here) uh, this is probably one of the most famous.  You may recognize it as the resting place of the Holy Grail in the Indiana Jones movies.  And as we were watching, I had a minor panic attack at the giant robots possibly breaking things.

S: Oh, and the giant robots definitely break things.  The Twins fight, and hit a wall or a fresco.  Revealing a hollow area behind it with uh, very noticeable giant robot bits.

O: [laughs] Then Bee takes aim at the wall and I have another panic attack.  Though to be fair, he's got very good aim and only makes what is arguably a very small hole.

S: Through the giant robot bits.  Sam enters the new hole in the wall and finds the Matrix of Leadership on the floor.  I guess, cradled in the hands of the Prime corpses?  Which- this is super morbid!

O: [laughs]

S: When he picks it up, uh, it crumbles into dust.  So, Sam does the only thing he can think of, he sweeps all that dust into his sock.

O: Time to go resurrect Optimus with dirty sock dust!

S: Is it the sock of destiny?

O: It is now.

S: I guess it awakens giant robots, but leaves buildings standing.

O: [snorts]

S: All the while uh, he talks about there having to be some sort of reason for everything that's happening.

O: Uh, to quote a much better character, “It's possible to commit no mistakes and still lose,” so Sam you're full of shit.

S: Yep, back with N.E.S.T. uh, they yeet Optimus’ corpse out of the plane and I believe Optimus has parachutes again here?

O: Probably.

S: I mean, if he doesn't that is just so much corpse desecration.

O: [laughs] And it seems like we arrive back where we started in the first movie, as it looks like they're back in that little desert town where the fight with Scorponok took place.  You know, they just- they're just gotta destroy it again.

S: And if that's not that same town it looks extremely similar.

O: Starscream begins firing on Sam and co as they head to the rendezvous location with N.E.S.T.

S: [sighs] The group splits up in order to draw the fire away from Sam.

O: Leo, Simmons, and the twins head off. Bee heads off in another direction, and then Sam and Mikaela head towards Optimus’ location on foot.

S: This seems like a bad allocation of resources but, ohh-kay.

O: [chuckles]

S: N.E.S.T. also spots Starscream, but he has released an EMP burst, cutting off all their communication.

O: Government weasel however, has landed safe and sound and is able to reach (and annoy!) the N.E.S.T. headquarters.

S: Yep and N.E.S.T. uh, headquarters is frustrated that weasel can contact them but they can't contact Lennox's group.

O: Simmons group stops uh, once they realize Starscream has stopped following them.

S: Megatron and Starscream (none too gently) land on the Great Pyramid.

O: God damn, more defacing world heritage sites?

S: Well, the Egyptian authorities would definitely have um, a case against them for this.  Because you know, they they charge people with doing dumb ill-advised things on the pyramids

O: I dunno how you're gonna get money out of Megatron but, alright! [laughs]

S: Eh, I'd go with the blood from the stone thing, and literally selling off materials from his body, but who knows?  That's also very morbid.  Um, Megatron orders an attack and Devastator forms out of more than the requisite number of constructicons from G1.

O: And Devastator makes our last Welker voiced Con for the day, bringing our number up to five-

S: And it’s-

O: -out of 12.

S: And spoiler alert uh, Devastator looks nothing like G1 Devastator, and also this is in like- the same location that Simmons and Leo are at.

O: Yep.  Sam and Mikaela though are continuing their march towards N.E.S.T.  All the while trying to avoid Decepticons, and thus hide in one of the nearby houses.

S: Ah, I like the lighting in the scene, the lighting is very nice.  So one wall is mostly structured from uh, glass bottles.  You know, provides some very nice ambient lighting without the need of electricity.  It just- it's very pleasant.  It's a very pretty look

O: Then we get a really nifty scene of the Decepticons looking for them that's basically, one big long continuous shot of it going out of a hole Sam is looking out, going around the scene and then going back through I think, the keyhole?  For the door to the house they're in.

S: Yeah, that sort of continuous shot's very nice.  You don't see those very often.  Sam catches a tiny Decepticon bug that comes through the hole, leading to them being found, and the house's roof being ripped off by Starscream.

O: They attempt to escape.

S: The Twins uh, begin to fight Devastator, while the combiner tries to eat everybody with his horrifying trash-compactor-crusher mouth.

O: Mudflap is eaten, but doesn't go down easy and punches his way out of Devastator's mouth.

S: The Decepticons reveal that they are holding Sam's parents hostage.

O: But they're all saved by the timely arrival of Bee.

S: Ravage is killed when Bee rips his entire body off his spine??

O: How does Ravage keep ending up in two pieces in these things?

S: I think technically he might be in more than two pieces, but ughhh...

O: Meh, I'm just saying- there was the spine in one hand, and the rest of them in the other hand, at least from my memory.

S: I know, it's just- god, unfortunately this feels a whole lot like shucking an ear of corn.

O: [laugh] Oh, god- yeah... yeah... yeah.

S: [sighs] I'm sorry for that image.

O: Sam uh, tells Bee to take his parents out of danger once they- he- they've gotten them away from the Cons.

S: Uh, Sam's dad argues with him in what we're assuming is supposed to be a counter to his no caring attitude about Sam going off to college in the movie.  One of the only positive things is his dad's care- for his dad's character is that he does seem to want to take care of- take care of his son.

O: Pity doesn't show more.

S: Yeah.

O: Okay, tangent, but you may have noticed we're being less descriptive about things that are happening at this point in the story.  That's because we basically hit a point where the remainder is a gigantic action scene and not really much else.

S: Yeah, it's a whole lot of punch, punch, switch scene, punch, punch, switch scene.

O: Yeah, so-

S: Shoot, shoot, shoot.

O: We're trying, but if something doesn't really make sense it's because stuff is swapping and not a lot is happening.  Oddly enough this movie is actually a good example of why you should keep things simple, from a storytelling perspective.  And yeah, I know if you examine the basis of this movie's plot it is pretty simple, but instead of just, you know, actually going from point a to point b there's just a ton of waypoints kind of getting in the way of the action that’s actually happening.  Uh, like, “Oh well, we'd better go over to this set for yet another action sequence!”  Nothing that's happened in the last 30 or so minutes has really mattered to the overall plot because it's just action sequence, action sequence, action sequence.

S: Yup, dirt, explosions, running, falling down.

O: Rinse and repeat.

S: There is nothing of substance here.  Speaking of pointless, it's back to Simmons for absolutely no reason.

O: Uh, Megatron's been on top of the Great Pyramid doing nothing this entire freaking time and now he chooses to shoot down a helicopter.

S: I don't think he's even been monologuing.

O: Yeah, he hasn't!  He has- that's what I mean, nothing!  He's not even doing anything interesting!

S: Simmons takes the radio from the pilot of said downed helicopter and follows after Devastator as he heads toward the Great Pyramid.

O: American Army porn.

S: And Air Force.  And Navy, [sighs] probably?

O: [groans]

S: Sam and Mikaela are spotted by Ironhide and the three Arcees.

O: Two Arcees are downed by some Cons after their one speaking line in the entire freaking movie.

S: Devastator begins climbing the Great Pyramid.

O: Is Megatron waiting up there for Devastator?!  Is- is it just too much work to wreck the pyramid by himself?

S: He's got all of these lackeys, he wants the lackeys to do shit for him.

O: Oh, lord.

S: Simmons follows and contacts the Navy.

O: Okay- okay, the only thing I can think of here is that they needed Simmons to do something.  Otherwise, why the heck do they call in military reinforcements then call in yet more military reinforcements!?

S: More American Army porn.

O: [sighs] Devastator demolishes the top of the pyramid.  Yes, yes, destroying more history, yes, yes.

S: Yet more American Army porn!

O: And then Megatron chases Sam and Mikaela as they approach N.E.S.T.

S: After many, many, MANY, explosions, Sam and Mikaela reach Lennox.

O: Who's like, “You'd better have a good reason for us to be here!”

S: “I got a sock full of dust!”

O: [laughs] Yes, you do Sam.  Yes, you do.

S: [sighs] Jetfire shows up, taking out a Con with his cane.

O: Then Scorponok, you know, from the first movie, immediately shows up just to stab Jetfire and ruin all of our days.

S: You know, his triumphant return after disappearance in the last half of the previous movie.

O: And now for the moment you- we-

S: [sighs]

O: We've all been waiting for!

S: Ugh… [unintelligable]

O: Do you want me to do it?

S: Yes, please.

O: Simmons says, “I'm directly below the enemy scrotum.”  Why would you say that?  Why would you say it like this?  Why wouldn't you just say, “I am directly below the enemy”!?  Why did you feel the need to add the word ‘scrotum’ to that sentence!?! [laughs]

S: The enemy's anatomy should not be that important, but I guess Bay thinks balls are important- er, hilarious.

O: Important and hilarious.

S: God.

[I am furious that we didn’t know about this clip until AFTER we did this episode, but yeah, this exists.  Bay was SO proud of this joke. ~O]

O: Uh, Devastator comes to pieces after being hit by an experimental Navy railgun from the ship that Simmons has been contacting.

S: Yeah, back with Lennox and company, Epps proves yet again to have one of the best lines in the entire movie.

O: They throw some smoke grenades to provide a target for the Air Force.

S: Unfortunately, this smoke's just a teensy bit too close to the party.

O: Epps responds with, “It wasn't my best toss, okay!?”

S: [sighs] In the ensuing chaos of the airstrike, Sam runs ahead to try and get to Optimus and Megatron appears out of the smoke to shoot him.  Or to dramatically close in on him, I guess.

O: Megatron gets pushed back by some of the N.E.S.T. covering fire and nyrooms away very awkwardly.

S: Except, what's this!?  Sam's dead.

O: [loudly] WOOOOOOOOOOO!

S: Mikaela's not so happy about this though.

O: Uh, sad music plays.  Dialogue can be heard faintly as Lennox and the N.E.S.T. crew begins CPR.  His parents show back up... again.  For what purpose exactly?  I think this would have read just fine with Mikaela just being the only one sad about Sam.

S: I don't know.  If this is their attempt at pathos, but it kind of sucks.  I mean, I know that the audience is supposed to feel bad that this guy's dead but-

O: I don't! [laughs]

S: They did a terrible job of making me care, but now is the moment where Mikaela tells Sam that she loves him.

O: They had a whole thing about this earlier in the movie we really didn't go over but they were having kind of an argument on who should say, “I love you,” first.  Blah- blah- blah- blah-

S: Ah.

O: But now, a window into Sam's psyche.

S: What, you mean it's not just going to be boobs, boobs, and more boobs?

O: No- no the seven Primes appear in a vision to Sam.

S: Oh god, does this make Sam a Prime?  I really hope not…

O: Oh my god!  One of the Primes is voiced by Bulkhead!  And by Bulkhead, I of course mean his voice actor Kevin Michael Richardson.  A man with a huge filmography that I guarantee you've heard at least a dozen or so things that he has done, if not more!

S: The Primes tell Sam that he is worthy of being a Prime.

O: Bulk, why do you have to hurt me in this way, and by extension, EVERYONE?

S: The magical sweaty sock dust reconstitutes into the Matrix of Leadership.  And, I mean, I'm kind of concerned that some of the remaining sweaty sock dust is now blowing away, or maybe this sock will be some sort of horrifying museum relic.

O: Considering what he did with his shirt, I wouldn't be surprised.  Um, but I don't really care, because this just means the movie is getting closer to its inevitable conclusion.

S: Fair.  Sam then takes the Matrix and stabs it into Optimus chest.

O: Stabby stab?  We bring him to life by giving him another stab wound?  Magical stabby stab?

S: I think this is how you get robot zombies.

O: Good thing nobody had any Dark Energon on hand.

S: Or the Hate Plague.  Of course, the Matrix is immediately snatched up by the Fallen.

O: Because we want to have our cake and eat it too.  We need to bring Optimus back to life and also to get the giant sun stun gun going too.

S: So, the Fallen activates the Star Harvester.

O: High levels of shut up and die reached as the Fallen finally reveals some amount of fighting prowess with a bitchin’ anti-gravity staff.

S: Yep.  Jetfire, who has been sort of hanging out this entire time having a giant hole in his chest, sacrifices himself to upgrade Optimus so that he can go fight the Fallen.

O: Jetfire, buddy, sir, you deserved better.

S: He did.

O: Here's one of the few scenes where Jolt is visible as he helps Ratchet get Optimus battle worthy.

S: Yeah, um, the electric whips were somehow needed for this for some reason, somehow.

O: Optimus, having gained the power of flight, begins to fight Megatron and the Fallen.

S: But not before destroying the Sun Harvester.

O: Megatron's face is badly damaged as Optimus moves on to the Fallen and rips off the Fallen's face saying, and I quote, “Give me your face!”

S: Then Optimus rams his hand through the Fallen's chest and uh, rips out and crushes the Fallen’s spark.

O: Starscream, being the sane one here, suggests that he and Megatron flee.

S: Megatron, considering that he is dealing with both a head injury and a missing arm from the elbow down, takes Starscream up on his offer.  The Fallen having been defeated, Optimus returns to the ground and shrugs off all of Jetfire's parts

O: [You] couldn't have kept anything?  The gun?  No, nothing.  Was it a frame thing- did you miss the slimmer frame, Optimus?  Just be honest here, you know.

S: I mean, maybe he considered it kind of morbid having like, corpse parts on him?  I mean that would be-

O: Fuck if I know.

S: That would be kind of morbid, but yeah... it feels like it's just showing disrespect to Jetfire's sacrifice. [sighs] Then we move back to Sam and Mikaela, interspersed with shots of N.E.S.T., the Navy, Simmons, etc.

O: Ah, yes, soldiers, brothers in arms, kissing!  Soldiers, brothers in arms, KISSING!

S: [laughs] Sorry, sorry I was just- like, my brain put those together at first and not what it actually was.

O: [laughs] I mean, to be fair, that would probably be a more interesting movie!

S: Yes.  Optimus thanks Sam for saving his life.  And I have many questions Optimus.  Did you have- what did you see Optimus?  What did you see?  And we end with an Optimus monologue about the two races working together in the future.

O: Ohh, Optimus, you’re- you're just going to be discarded in two movies, sweetie.  Um, don't trust the US Military, we do not have a good track record.

S: Yup.  Linkin Park, much like the first film what plays us out as the credits roll.

O: And thus, we are divided from the rest of the movie.  A New Divide if you will.

 S: Oh, is that a name drop?

O: It's the name of the song. [laughs]

S: Or title drop, yeah.

O: [laughs]

S: Alright, so what's your take?

O: Wow, I really don't like that movie.  The last 30 minutes- hour- whatever, felt like an eternity where the only thing happening was explosions, and robots maybe punching each other and I just didn't care about anything that was happening?  The early part wasn't really much better, but at least the characters, you know, were talking to each other.

Um, the writing overall isn't good for like, dialogue and again, some of the events just kind of feel like why did this even need to happen?  And I do think it's worth mentioning that this was filmed during the 2007 writers’ strike.

Additionally, regardless of how bad I personally find the dialogue, I still have to give props to Peter Cullen's performance of Optimus.  Even the first time I saw this movie, I was sad that Optimus died.  And keep in mind at the time I didn't know anything about Transformers, aside from seeing the first movie.  I feel like Cullen puts a lot of heart to his performance of Optimus, and I really can't think of a time where it's felt like he's phoned it in and I really do appreciate that.  Even here, even with the, “Give me your face,” line.

What did you think, Specs?

S: Well, I don't have nearly as much to say as you did.

O: [laughs]

S: Um, I liked Jetfire.  The SR-71 Blackbird is a very neat plane, and I mean, I liked it before this movie came out.  So, I liked him for more than one reason.  But he was cranky, and delightful, and a jet, and the best part of the movie.  Everything else was just kind of painful.  Yeah.

O: Yeah, I think that's fair.

S: Yeah.  I mean, I liked Mikaela too, but...

O: Yeah, she- say goodbye to her because she's not gonna be in the next movie.  This is the last one with Mikaela in it.

S: I think she got the better part of the deal.

O: [laughs] Pity we can't make as graceful as an exit.

S: Yep.

O: But that's it for us now.  Uh, we will be posting another episode.  Uh, where we go into more detail on what we personally would have wanted to see in this movie.  But we know this is running along as it is, and I think based on our estimates this should be around the same length as last year's episode so we're gonna split it.  We are also aware that you personally may not care about us trying to you know basically fanfic- fix this so…

S: Mm-hm.  Remember to check us out on Tumblr or Pillowfort as Afterspark-Podcast for any additional information, show notes, or links we may have mentioned.  You can also find us on Facebook and Twitter @AftersparkPod (all one word).  And various other locations by searching for Afterspark Podcast, such as AO3, iTunes, Spotify, and Youtube, just to name a few.  And feel free to send us questions on Tumblr, Youtube, or AO3.

O: As always, thank you so much for listening.  Happy (probably belated by the time this is posted) holidays to everyone.  2020 has been a hell of a rough year, so please stay safe and we will be back with more normal episodes soon.

S: Toodles.

[Outro Music]

S: Sam grabs out a knife and begins carving the Cybertronian siblings into the ground um, I mean, where did you get the knife?

O: You mean symbols?  You said siblings.

S: [laughs] God- oh god, I can’t talk!

[always-and-forever-a-killjoy]

Good afternoon uhhhh I have no idea what to say about this except that I wrote it and it exists and that probably does say something about me as a person. Also you may want to read my last fic (knight in a beat-up green jacket) because it gets referenced a couple of times but it’s definitely not necessary.

Title: can you catch me when I'm falling down

Wordcount: 2450

Summary: Party Poison is trying to have a calm day for once. Unfortunately, Cherri Cola needs help.

For once, Poison is actually helpful.

Warnings: blood, self harm, mentions of suicide, mentions of death/child death. Please be very careful. 

Taglist: @wishiwasthemoon-tonight @sleevesareforlosers @stressed-depressed-emo-mess @tasteofamnesia @dagger-queen (message me, send an ask, or reblog/reply to one of my posts if you want to be added or removed)

AO3 Link

(Actual fic under the cut)

Party Poison was alone when the radio crackled to life. It was an ordinary afternoon in the Zones, Kobra Kid was out on his motorbike somewhere, Jet Star was playing with the Girl, getting ready for her nap, and Fun Ghoul was….exploding things, they assumed. Given the loud bangs from out back, it seemed likely. Poison themself was just trying to read a magazine in peace, feet propped up on one of the diner tables, but that was not to be. 

They sighed and reached for the radio. “Hello?”

“Hey,” Cherri Cola’s voice crackled through. He sounded tense, which put them on edge. 

“What’s up, Pepsi?”

“Uh, well, you know how that one time, Ghoul said I was like a knight in shining armor? Right, well, I could kind of use a knight in shining armor right now.”

Poison could see that it definitely wasn’t going to be a peaceful afternoon for them. “What the fuck did you get yourself into?”

“Nothing- nothing in particular. I would just really not prefer to be alone at the radio station today, and everyone else is off doing varying things.” His voice had grown even more strained, sounding close to breaking.

“Fuck’s sake, Pepsi.”

“I know, I’m sorry. Trust me, if I could have asked anyone else for help, I wouldn’t have put this on a teenager’s shoulders.”

“Fuck off, I’m perfectly competent.” They sighed. “I’ll be there in twenty.”

“Thank you, Poison.” 

Poison swung their feet off the table, pulling their boots and jacket on at the door. “Jet, I’m heading down to the radio station!”

“Okay!” Jet Star called back from the back of the diner. “What for?”

“Cola needs something!”

“Okay! Be safe!”

“I will!” They kicked open the door, shutting it behind them as another explosion sounded from behind the building and Jet shouted something about ‘you woke the Girl up, I just got her to sleep!’. They really had to talk to Ghoul about setting off bombs during naptime. Making a note to do that when they got back, Party climbed into the Trans Am and turned the keys. 

“Alright, let’s go see what the fuck he needs, huh, old girl?” The car obediently revved to life, and Poison took them down the roads at frankly irresponsible speed. Not that they had ever given a fuck about being responsible in the first place, not unless it came to their crew’s safety. 

Party Poison arrived at the radio shack and kicked the door open with exactly as much grace as they had when kicking the diner door open. “Alright, Pepsi, I’m here!”

“Hey, Poison.” The reply was quiet, and they had to look around further before they located Cherri Cola, sitting on the floor against the sofa. A knife was clutched in his right hand, and they thought they could see blood on his arms, dripping down onto the already stained floor.

“What the fuck? Destroya, Cola!” 

Cherri’s eyes were shut tight. “I’m sorry. Please take the knife before I end up doing something stupid.”

“Stupider than this?”

“Stupider as in cutting my fucking throat, Poison.”

“Fuck.” They hurried across the room to wrestle the knife out of his hand, wishing they had made Jet come with them. Jet was actually good at this kind of thing. Thank the Witch, Cherri let go of the knife fairly easily- Poison was pretty sure he would have been able to keep a hold of it if he really tried. They folded the blade away and quickly tucked it into their jacket pocket, wondering if they should bother to check him for other weapons. “Do you have any more knives?”

Cola shook his head, and Poison settled next to him.

“Okay, so why do you want to slit your fucking throat?”

He shrugged.

“I don’t know what that means.”

Cherri mumbled something they strained to catch.

“What?”

“Just happens sometimes,” he repeated, a little louder.

“Just wake up and want to die?” The feeling was strangely (and sadly) familiar.

“Yeah. I’ve seen a lot of shit, Pois. Killed a lot of people. I know I act like I’m well-adjusted, but I’ve never been well-adjusted.”

They bristled a little at the nickname, but now wasn’t exactly the time to say anything about it. “We’ve all killed a lot of people, Cola.”

He shrugged a second time. “I guess it gets to me more than you guys.”

Silence settled over the two killjoys for a few moments before Cherri broke it again.

“I knew an exterminator, you know.”

“What?”

“Before the war. She was good at origami, and she liked soda, but only if it was cherry flavored, and chewed bubblegum whenever possible. She had a ring she never took off, our grandma gave it to her. Her eyes were clear blue like the sky.”

“So you knew an exterminator.”

“And I killed her.” Cherri’s voice was very straightforward. “I killed her, not because I wanted to, but because we were on opposite sides and I had no choice.”

“Fuck,” They swore. “That’s rough.”

“Yeah. It’s a truth I learned pretty young: people die in war. Not for any reason, not because they’re bad people or because they deserved to die. Simply because they were there. Because they were forced into fighting, because they were in the wrong place at the wrong time, because they were trying to make the world a better place. People die because they’re trying to save their friends or their love. Because they want to make the world better for their children. And those children die too, because they’re children in the wrong place at the wrong time. Because they can’t defend themselves.” His voice was shaking, nails digging into his arms. 

Poison swore under their breath and pulled his hands away to reveal another set of crescent marks, adding to the many already there. “Fuck’s sake. Maybe we shouldn’t talk about this.”

“I’m open to other suggestions,” Cherri muttered.

They almost snorted. “Well, Cola, pleased to announce you’re going to be just fine, seeing as you’re being a snarky bastard again.”

That got a tiny laugh out of him. “Am I ever not a snarky bastard, in your opinion?”

“When-“ Poison hesitated briefly. “When shit really hits the fan, you’re not. So when you’re being snarky, I know shit’s going to be fine.”

“I wouldn’t use me as an indicator.”

“Eh, you’re a decent one. Canary in a coal mine and all that. I think canaries are a brighter yellow than you, though. Probably better fashion sense, too.” They hardly knew what they were saying, only that they had to find something to talk about.

Cherri gave them a glare for their trouble, if not a very harsh one. “Now you’re the one being a snarky bastard.”

“Uh-huh, but where’s the fun in not being one? Plus, my brilliant plan worked.” Party shot him a small smile. “I’ve distracted you.”

Cherri looked exhausted as he leaned back a bit further, running his hands along his bloody arms, but he was giving them a tired smile. “Sure did.”

“See, I’m a genius.” They climbed to their feet and offered him a hand up, trying to think of what Jet would say. “Let’s get you cleaned up, hey?”

“’kay.”

His hands were bloody and rough, the blood sticking to Poison’s own hands as they pulled him to his feet, but they didn’t say anything about it. Instead, they led him over to the sink of the radio station so they could pour some precious water over his arms, sluicing them clean. They cleaned out the deeper scratches with some sort of foul-smelling disinfectant from the radio shack’s first aid kit and bandaged them up, chattering the entire time.

It was meaningless stuff, rambles about Ghoul blowing shit up during naptime and Kobra’s latest antics on the racetrack, but it was a way to fill the silence, which seemed almost crushing. So Poison unleashed all of it, every update about the Girl and her lessons (“-and Jet has her painting beads!”), every random story they hadn’t told him (“-so that was how we almost ended up with no car and a bucket filled with slime-“) and a few they had (“-then Kobra, dumbass that he is, says ‘it will be fine if I touch these wires!’”).

All their efforts were rewarded by another small, fragile smile from Cola, just barely reaching his sea-blue eyes. It was tiny, but it was real, and Poison had never been so grateful for the endless amount of stupid shit their friends got up to. 

They stuck on a final band-aid and closed the kit, glancing over at him as they tucked it away. “So I’m assuming it wouldn’t be cool of me to just abandon you.”

“Not really, no.”

Poison tried to pretend the shakiness of his voice didn’t affect them at all. “So do you want me to stay here until the rest get back? Or should I bring you on over to the diner so the chaos crew can dogpile you into a good afternoon?”

“You’re part of the chaos crew, I hope you know that.” Cherri fiddled with some of the bandages and Poison pulled his hand away. “D’s at his safehouse in Zone 2, he was worried about Better Living tracing the signal back here. Pony went with him, Newsie’s out somewhere and I don’t know if she’s coming back tonight or tomorrow.” 

“Alright, lets go back to the diner, then. You can stay a night, you’re not that insufferable.” They tried to sound like they really didn’t care. “Kobes will be happy about it, at least.”

“Thank you, Party.”

“Of course, Pepsi.”

It felt weird to be in a car with Cola and be the one driving- most often when they were stuck together, Cola was giving them a ride or they were on a run together using Cola’s truck. But now, Poison was sitting in their usual spot in the Trans Am, and Cherri had climbed into shotgun. Mad Gear was what was blaring from their speakers as they blazed across the desert, knowing Cherri could handle whatever speed they drove. Indeed, he seemed unbothered, staring quietly out the window. Poison mostly ignored him, glancing over occasionally to see if he was okay.

When they pulled up to the diner, it appeared that Ghoul was still testing out explosives (or possibly fireworks), given the bangs from behind. Cherri flinched at each one, and Poison stuck their head around the back. 

“Ghoul! Asshole! Stop it!”

“Why?”

“The Girl’s trying to sleep!”

“Ah fuck, sorry, Pois.” Xe pushed xyr hair out of his face as xe came around the side of the diner. “Oh hey, Cola!”

“Hey, Ghoul.” 

Poison shot Ghoul a warning glare as he opened his mouth again, and xe quickly shut it. “Cola’s going to be staying with us this afternoon, maybe tonight too.”

“Alright. Any particular reason?” 

They almost groaned. Ghoul somehow always had awful timing. “Uh. You know. He gets lonely when everyone abandons him at the radio station.” It was a terrible lie, but Cherri shot them a grateful smile that almost made Ghoul’s skeptical look worth it. 

Thank the Witch, xe was smart enough not to question further. “Okay. Guess we’re heading in, then, if I can’t explode shit?”

Poison nodded to them and led the others inside, looking around. It appeared Kobra had arrived back while they were gone, given that he was lounging in Poison’s usual seat, reading the magazine they had set down. Poison spared a moment to flip him off before peeking into the back to find Jet. They were sitting in his and Poison’s bedroom, humming gently under their breath as the Girl snoozed next to them.

“Hey, Jet.”

Jet looked up, putting a finger to their lips in a shh as they spoke very quietly. “Hey, Pois. Back from the radio station?”

“Yeah.”

“What did Cola need?”

“Long story.” They glanced back at the door to make sure that the rest of the Four (plus Cherri) were still in the main room of the diner before deciding how much to reveal to Jet. “He needed me to make sure he didn’t do anything dumb.”

That was all they needed to say for the other to understand. “Is he okay?”

“He’s fine, but he has to stay with us today.”

“For the same reason?”

“Wasn’t a smart idea to leave him back at the station alone.”

Jet nodded. “Did you leave him with Kobra and Ghoul?”

“Fuck, I did. I’m…sure he kept them from getting in trouble.”

Jet and Poison wandered back out to find Kobra laying across the table, calling commentary across the room as Ghoul attempted to get some of the power pup off one of the highest shelves and Cherri watched with great concern. 

“This is why we can’t leave you alone,” Jet sighed. “Hi, Cherri.”

“Hey, Jet. Uh, Ghoul decided xe should make dinner, I guess.”

“It’s almost dinnertime anyways! I’m making fancy shit!”

Jet rolled their eyes, but they were smiling as Poison turned to Kobra. “And what are you doing, fuckface?”

“Talking to Cola, bastard.”

“We’re siblings, you idiot, if I’m a bastard then so are you.”

Kobra flipped them off most eloquently, and Poison just laughed as they turned to Cola. “These idiots driving you crazy?”

“No, I love them.”

“Bad taste.” They laughed at Ghoul’s face. “I’m kidding, you’re the best crew. Now everyone shut up, I have to show Cola my rendition of Toxic.”

“The Girl is napping!”

Cherri laughed quietly. “Thank you, kids.”

“Sure thing!”

“We’re not kids!”

“Of course, we love you.”

“Yeah, love you, Pepsi!”

Cherri Cola stayed with them once again, this time in the graffiti-covered diner. He ate dinner with them, and the Girl sat in his lap quite happily. Ghoul and Party cracked stupid jokes back and forth until his smile wasn’t quite so fragile, trading stories about dumb shit they’d done even though half of those stories involved each other. Jet gave him a big hug, and Kobra sat down to talk with him after dinner, until finally everyone was settling down for the night. Ghoul half-jokingly suggested he sleep in one of the booths, and Cherri laughed and said he was a little old for that but ended up curled in the old chair they had salvaged a few months back anyways. Poison made sure he was safely asleep before they went to bed themself, and they were there from the moment he radioed to the moment they dropped him back off at the radio shack to a yawning Newsie who had driven through the night to get back home. 

[mariposalass]

Say Something, My Love

Summary: Philip Hamilton has no idea of how modern Valentine’s Day works and is bad in confessing his romantic feelings for a modern day girl like her. And yet, he seeks out help in Mari’s siblings and friends to set up a date they will never forget. He didn’t expect that she is also feeling the same way too.

Setting: Mari and co.’s house in Daly City, California; February 4 to 14, 2019

Notes: Valentine’s Day story with Philip and Mari finally discovering that the other have feelings as each other big time! Inspired by @plucky-belmondo’s Valentine’s Day Imagines Prompts (namely the first 2 prompts) with my own spin. The stuff I used here include the recipes in the dinner (1, 2, 3, 4, 5), the tablescape inspiration, flowers, and the outfit Mari/me wore in this story. I’ll release a playlist for me and Philip some time after this.

Tags: Tons of crushing and gushing, Philip needs help in decoding Valentine’s Day, the feels!, romantic vibes, brief mention of character death

Philip Hamilton is in a loss for words right now. He has no idea of what he is feeling in this day and age, but for the last few weeks since he got revived back to life, these unspeakable feelings of love in one of his hosts, Mari, have grown exponentially. Still, it feels like alien territory for him to fall in love with somebody trying to help him out that he has kept his mouth shut whenever Mari notices him trying to get her attention that doesn’t involve help in adjusting to the 21st Century or just wanting to hang out with her and her family & friends.

For weeks, he kept silent on the matter, hoping that it will just fade away and he could just move on and probably find love in another woman too. Even Valentine’s Day is a foreign concept he couldn’t figure out. But these feelings and thoughts were too much for the eldest child of Alexander Hamilton to resist and he now wants to finally confront them big time, except that his father is no longer with him anymore and he is dry of ideas to court this lovely Asian woman on this ominous day.

Which is why he had arranged a last-minute meeting with Harry, Kairi, Issa, and Kirby at the basement one February night (Feb. 4 to be exact) to find a good idea while Mari was still on her way home from work. The aforementioned 4 had no idea as why they are dragged into this at first, but they know well that Philip needs some help in the matter of modern day dating. Everyone else in their group couldn’t come over though for various reasons (being sick, being out of town, work, school, etc.), but they do appreciated the offer though.

“So… You’re telling us that you, you want to date my sister?” Kairi started off the meeting with a question, sounding rather lost.

“Why, I, I, I could explain...” the young Hamilton sputtered in his words, his cheeks flushed hard.

“Philip, don’t be afraid to tell us,” Harry tried his best to reassure him, having to deal with a bad luck in dating women before Issa, the half-blood wizard can sense that Philip needed some help on the world of modern day ‘courting’ per say, “I’ll admit, I didn’t have anyone to teach me how to date a lady when I was a dumb teenager, and I ended up with two relationships that ended up badly. Yeah, I may be that big of an overprotective of a brother, but I can tell if a guy likes either one of my sisters and tries to be a respectable human, I’ll try to be supportive in any way I can.”

“You don’t say, Harry,” Philip began to sound less obnoxious upon hearing of Harry’s poor teen dating history, “I’m quite amazed that you and Issa don’t look like you’re going to fall apart.”

“Thankfully, my sisters were there for me even during my roughest time, especially when me and Issa started dating full time,” he replied, “I couldn’t thank them enough… Anyway, is there anything you want to surprise Mari this Valentine’s Day?”

Issa then stepped in, saying, “Yeah, Philip. Please tell us. We’re all ears now.”

“Well, actually, I have no idea of what to do to spend some time with her on that day!” he admitted much to their shock, “I don’t even recall celebrating it back in my old time. I guess I’m a little too old fashioned to do these strange modern day courting things you guys are doing.”

“Poyo!” Kirby’s mouth opened up in shock, dropping a bit of Strawberry Shortcake on his plate.

This confession left them a little surprised to put it lightly, regardless, Philip began to calm down from being too nervous to be in-depth and explain that he has set up this emergency meeting as to get some ideas as to make an unforgettable Valentine’s Day for Mari since she wasn’t that lucky in finding a guy who will love her unconditionally as she feared that a guy (and even a neurotypical one at that) will reject her because of her Asperger's diagnosis. This raised the alarm for the adopted siblings and friends that they wanted to help out even more than when they were earlier.

“Perhaps we can start by telling you what Mari likes and what her dream date would be like,” Issa suggested Philip a really brilliant idea.

“Alright then, as you say so, Issa,” he responded with a great approval.

“Me and Kairi will go first on this,” Harry began the dialogue, “Since we know her the longest, it’s best for us to say that she has a lot of things she likes and has in mind. First off, she likes her some literary and geeky stuff, she will devour them up like it’s breakfast. And the flowers, good Lord, flowers and butterflies are what gets her rolling. Not caterpillars though, she just finds them icky.”

“Okay, I’ll trying to keep track of what you guys are telling about,” Philip told him as he began to take notes.

“She also likes perfumes, especially those with floral scents: she’s head over heels with them,” Kairi stepped in, “It’s best that you can put one of her favorite scents on the drawer for her to see. Speaking of the flowers, she likes nearly all kinds of flowers, including Sweet Avalanche roses and baby’s breath. She just love the simple but sweet combination of the two combined.”

“You want to know what her idea of a romantic date is: having dinner out under the stars, chatting about interests (even if she knows there are those she can’t catch on), and having a nice walk to wrap things up,” Issa added in to the nuanced discussion, “Mari can be quite a picky eater, If there is something she isn’t wanting to eat or try, she will not eat that thing at all or it will take a long time for her to adjust to it. She would also love to hear some nice music from various genres playing at the background.”

“That picky?” he asked her and got a nod as an answer, “Hmm… I wonder how we can put in some music into play”

“There’s Spotify, YouTube, and SoundCloud, though we can make a playlist for that in iTunes as well,” Kairi replied.

Then Kirby has his turn to add to his chat, which is mostly composed of Poyo Speak, saying “Poyo, poyo. Popoyo, yop, poyo, yoyopo, poy, poyo!”, but everyone (but Philip) knew that Kirby was saying that they can host this date in the backyard and get it prepared for the special day of love and hearts. From the look in his face, Philip has a long way to go when it comes to understanding Poyo Speak.

“Okay then, now we gave a you basic rundown what turns her on, what are you considering to do for the day?” Issa then questioned him as the meeting nears its end.

It then became crystal clear that a dinner date at the bunch’s house backyard would the name of the game for Valentine’s Day with flowers and music involved into the mix. Everyone joined in to make the day special for both parties: grocery shopping, rummaging through storage for something to use for the al fresco dining experience, dealing with flower bouquet arrangements, going through iTunes for playlist ideas - All being done while keeping Mari out in the dark of it. Philip knows that he and everyone else in the bunch can’t risk spoiling the surprise for her in the plain sight so they would take turns distracting her whenever she notices something in their weird ‘chores’ within the next week and a half.

Meanwhile, she has her romantic feelings for Philip growing out of control in her head and it’s freaking her out! How did the world match her with him and made her falling fast for him up until this point? She has secretly keeping them away from most of the people and creatures she knows out of fear that she’ll be mocked for dating a now ex-dead guy. It just so happened during a Saturday afternoon when Mari and Kairi were sitting on a bench at an open-air strip mall in Daly City while waiting for Harry and Issa to pick them after they have finished doing the regular weekly groceries.

“Mari… You seem to be a little off in recent weeks lately,” Kairi asked her older adopted sister, her tone being of concern and worry.

“Oh, it’s nothing, Kai,” she sighed in dismay.

“Let me guess: it has to do with you being all fuzzy whenever Philip’s around?” she began to suspect something funny with her head.

“Unfortunately, yes, Kairi,” Mari’s eyes widened in horror when she heard those words.

“It seems for the last few weeks since we accidentally brought him back from the dead, you’re blushing like crazy when he’s in your line of sight,” she tried to reassure her in vain.

“Kairi, I just don’t know what to do with those feelings,” the assistant librarian wept as she facepalmed herself in anguish, “He’s cute, smart, and nice and all. But I’m worried that he won’t take me seriously in the romantic department. Plus, I never thought of really wanting on a serious relationship this badly before. What kind of an idiot am I for going all mushy over some formerly dead guy from 2 centuries back?”

“So… Okay, that was awkward. Anyway, Valentine’s Day is coming closer everyday, huh?” she reminded her of the day incoming.

“Yeah, it sure does,” Mari nodded in agreement while looking at the calendar in her smartphone.

“Sis, you can’t keep those strange feelings for long though. It’s hard, but if you want, perhaps this incoming Valentine’s Day can help you out a bit in helping you confessing them to Philip,” she advised her on the matter on hand, “Who knows? He might like you that much as much as you like him a lot.”

“Really?” Mari questioned her sister again.

“Mari, I get that having Aspergers does suck and it is not giving you an easy time at all, but you never know about falling for someone until you try,” Kairi explained to her on the matter before remembering something that she can relate on, “Remember the time when I was struggling to deal with my feelings for Sora becoming more romantic over time?”

“Still do to this day, why did you need to bring it up again?” she remembers the moment well, “You two still are dating each other though.”

“We still do, sis. It may be a long time ago, but I’m still grateful that you’re supportive of both of us early on,” the younger sister noted, “You are a great supporter all the way, now I want to pay you back by being there for you all the way. I’m pretty sure that Harry, Issa, and the others will be there for you too.”

“If you say so, Kai,” Mari sighed as her little sister did her best to give her support.

The final days leading up to Valentine’s Day are of a frantic nature as couples scramble to plan their dates out across various activities and places; meanwhile, single either try to stay away from any sign of sickening sweet love or spend some time with other loved ones and friends instead. In Mari’s crazy bunch, there was so much to do to make the best date experience for her and Philip possible. At those days, she couldn’t be allowed to go venture to the backyard for some ‘reason’ as everyone else set the place up for the night: from preparing the menu to untangling string lights and paper lanterns to putting up the tulle curtains on PVC pipes.

When the day arrived shortly after work, Mari got herself ready for the night with a little help from Issa, Karina, and Kairi, nothing too fancy since this was a date set in her own backyard anyway so she could easily get away with just a nice casual dress, jacket, and boots; whereas Philip spent the last few minutes helping Harry, Moana, Kirby, and Ahk in arranging the table properly. His mind was racing wildly as he wondered if he had done enough to make her amazed by his efforts or if he has gotten too far as those feelings for Mari grew exponentially.

Mari just finished doing the final touch-ups when she overheard Kairi calling her that Philip has something waiting for her at the backyard. She proceeded to race down the stairs in her camel-colored ankle boots to find Philip waving back at her with one arm hiding behind his back. Unlike with their first meeting at the exhibit where in he was in his old fashioned coat and cravat, he is now dressed in a crisp white and blue striped button-down shirt with long sleeves, dark wash blue jeans, and black/white sneakers Harry was able to get from a co-worker at the newspaper company he was working at.

“Wow, such a quick improvement from what we had at your revival day,” she spoke up upon seeing the new look he was sporting on that night.

“Your compliments are much welcomed,” he blushed back before he then unveiled a bouquet of blush roses and white baby’s breath in front of her, “This… This bouquet is for you.”

“Oh, why thank you, Philip,” Mari felt her cheeks to blush in response as she received the bouquet with her hands, taking a quick sniff of the flowers before she then asked a random question, “There are no caterpillars, right?”

“Made sure that there is no single one hiding behind the petals,” he answered in a reassuring tone.

He guided her through the kitchen and dining area before they stopped at the doors leading to the backyard which have been covered by curtains. Kirby floated on by and waved at them with high energy, acting as the waiter for the night. Mari then peeled back the curtains and doors as she walked down to the back porch with Philip following after her, smiling for what would be for her at the time no concrete reason other than possibly trolling her.

But it’s when she looked at there that she was struck by how much effort Philip and her friends & family had put into to make the night memorable: delicate tulle fabrics draping the small area of a lower tier patio where a small square table was residing (dressed in a cream tablecloth and lace topper), two wooden outdoor chairs waiting on standby, ordinary dishware and vintage cutlery & crystal glasses she rarely recalls her family using unless her grandmothers pull them out for special occasions, a glass-like pitcher of water, plants around the area, string lights lit from behind the tulle curtains, a vase for the bouquet in which she placed them into, and a smaller side table for the other food, serving items, and a carafe of a drink near and dear to her heart that is the Arnold Palmer. The vibes was giving her some alarms when she soon realized something she showed to Philip 3 weeks ago: film about being surrounded with nature, gorillas, and possible concerns towards colonialism.

“Channeling Tarzan, huh?” she questioned Philip’s logic behind the inspiration which hes replied back in a smile.

“That Disney interpretation of the Edgar Rice Burroughs jungle books was one of the first films you introduced me to modern day entertainment, so I thought why don’t I repay you back with this?” he politely answered back to her when she overheard songs playing out from a docked iPod beside the small side table.

“You got music playing out here too?” she asked him again which he nodded positively while she was pouring the iced tea/lemonade hybrid into the vintage glasses.

As the two took their seats, Kirby arrived waddling in with a tray holding the first course: the earthy umami taste of wild mushrooms in broth form with scattered button, shiitake, and portabello mushrooms floating on top and toasted baguette slices. The little puffball poured the soup carefully into the soup bowls with a ladle despite having no visible fingers in his stubby arms and stayed by them after he was done, because he’s quite a morbidly curious baby. Not a word was spoken as the two partake in sipping the soup, Mari used some of her baguettes to dip into the soup and eat them partially soaked which amused Philip quite a bit.

Once done with the first part of the meal, Kirby took the bowls from them and dashed back to the kitchen for cleaning and to get the next course. As the music kept on playing, Mari was twirling some hair strands anxiously, her mind was going all over the place as to whether or not she should confess her feelings for Philip now. She still remembers that talk with Kairi back at the strip mall less than a week ago, but that pondering soon abruptly ended when Kirby waddled back with the entree of orange-glazed salmon, quinoa mixed with olives & pine nuts, and a salad of baby spinach & arugula, peas, and orange segments. About midway of savoring the food, Mari suddenly stopped and looked at Philip at the eyes, taking a deep breath as she was readying herself for the big moment.

“Philip, I have some words I’ve been meaning to say to you tonight,” she started the conversation, “My head has been plagued with these feelings that has been scaring me to confess anything. I highly doubt if you’re that interested to hear it.”

“Oh no, don’t feel bad for telling me this thing,” he begged to differ, willing to listen to her (which understandably surprised her a bit) along with having those same unspoken feelings at the same time.

“Well, here goes nothing...” she muttered to herself, taking another big deep breath before she began her confessions while poking the plate with her fork, “Ever since the accidental revival more than a month ago, I’ve been developing these thoughts and feelings out of nowhere. The thing is, I’ve never dated a guy before until now. With me being an Aspie, I’m a total hot mess in the inside, my quirks can annoy some people for too long. I was scared that a guy, and a neurotypical one especially, will not date me because of it, because they can’t seem to be willing to put with me, my quirks, my stims, & my disability, and still love me even if I have meltdowns. Philip, I’m sorry if I’m rambling like a motormouth right now, I just don’t know how to put these words lightly. I… I can’t believe I’m saying to you now, but… I, I, I have fallen hard for you so badly...”

Tears were soon escaping from her eyes as she briefly looked away from Philip, bracing for the rejection or heckling and with no idea of reacting to it properly. What she didn’t expect however was what came out of his mouth being completely different from she was thinking of hearing, and it went like this:

“Mari… Please don’t get too upset right now,” he spoke up after hearing ever word she said, feeling really bad for her plight, “I can’t imagine you having a rough time with your impairment, I can’t help but to feel sorry, genuinely sorry to hear that.”

“Huh, you what?” she gasped upon hearing those words.

“Yes, I truly do,” he replied, “I just so happen to be lacking in the… dating world as you can call it in my old time as well. My Papa was determined to let me continue the family legacy into my studies and work. I was so busy with a lot of work then that I just have a few days & brief periods to myself and I couldn’t just idle so much. Then that Eacker made that wretched speech against him, it led to the duel between me, him, and a friend of mine. And…”

Philip was starting to cry, feeling choked the moment he was about to bring up his first horrible death that it snapped Mari from crying. She didn’t thought that he would break down like that in front of her, yet here they are: feeling unusually tense and still there for each other: her being an uncertain socially awkward Aspie and him being a revived overworked kid who feels burdened to keep up with his father’s own legacy only to have his life ended first in a gun shoot and return to the world of the living again.

He then mentally calmed himself down so he can get a grip on himself before he traded in his part of the tense moment, “You see, Mari. In other words, I never courted a girl, never kissed one ever… Then nearly 218 years later, there is you and your family. For all the first months, you guys are there for me regardless: your brother was able to get me a job in the newspaper company he and Issa are working at, you guys showing everything the modern world has to offer from these interesting technical devices to how much America has become into a cultural melting pot. And you’re just the most lovely woman I have ever known outside of Mama. One more thing as well: I actually start to like you more than a mere friend.”

Mari’s jaws felt as if they were about to fall off as soon as she heard those words, locked into suspended disbelief as she began to talk again, “Huh, really? Are you this serious?!?”

“Yes, I am,” he responded quickly, “I’m not kidding. In many ways, you’re quite an amazing woman: smart, witty, kind, unafraid to take risks and be yourself, creative. Even with those faults you have, you still keep on trying to live life well. My folks would’ve like to meet someone like you if they are here today. They really would. And yes, I really do love you...”

The last world sounded more like a jumbled up mess as he spoke, yet Mari can hear it clear: he really likes her regardless of how much Philip blushed as he tried to speak to her without sounding too cheesy. She giggles in between the last remaining bites of her plated meal and sips of her Arnold Palmer while he was trying to snap himself out of his slightly messed up previous words. She then told him, “Geez, I can’t believe that I just met my match, in someone from a different time period, like you. Still, I guess we just need somebody else to lean on...”

“You can say that again, Mari,” he too smiled back as he finally finished his food too.

The two kept on talking more even as Kirby took out the entree plates to the kitchen and returned with a skillet chocolate chip cookie with vanilla ice cream and chocolate sauce for the two to share. Mari split the dessert into two servings for herself and Philip into the new plates. As the two chatted over melting ice cream and chewy cookie parts, Harry, Issa, Kirby, and Kairi watched from the inside, gushing about as they witnessed a new relationship formed from different time periods and worlds, knowing too well that it was just the beginning.

The End

[c7thetumbler]

Quick Game Reviews: What I played 2018

I’m gonna go ahead and do this for the whole year, which includes games that WEREN’T released this year, but I played this year. I also made this throughout the year, so most the opinions were right after I played it and if it’s been updated further might not include that in my blurb.

I needed to type and felt like I needed to make something. This might motivate me I suppose. Let’s get started

DOOM 2016 [PC]

I grew up on Pokemon, Mario, and Doom II. I couldn’t play it until I got my new computer this year so yeah way too late. This is a pretty solid game, though thanks to all of the bonuses and honestly nearly intrusive leveling up system kinda stepped in the way of the raw combat. It’s obviously my choice, but I felt encouraged to spend a lot of time exploring areas I’d already cleared rather than run and gun.

That being said, I still loved it. The secrets were, for the most part, really clever and fun anyway and the combat is delicious. I would strongly recommend this

A Hat in Time + Seal the Deal DLC [PC]

I love this game. A lot. It’s really cute and looks really good, it’s got a ton of charm, and it’s honestly a very good time overall. I 100% the base game last year when it first came out, and I would highly recommend to fans of 3D platformers, and still worth a try if you’re on the fence on them. The mod support is also great that it’s in there and I want to try that a lot. however the DLC...

So the new level is pretty short and while it’s fun, it’s not as good as the other levels. The characters (I think) are really cute and the charm is all there and that great, but it has all of 3 levels, and 2 of them are exploring the exact same places (the boat) and the 3rd is a nice twist on that, but other than that it’s pretty barren. The time rifts were fun as well, but alone... eh. The Death Wish portion, that is the super hard challenge mode...

... is not good. Obviously my opinion, and I might be missing the point, but after having been frustrated over and over and over again, the game itself is just not tight or clean enough to warrant it. My backing for this is that a large portion of the challenges rely on originally unintended level geometry or quirky mechanics in order to complete, and having challenges that require you to be in the know about these honestly inconsistent “quirks” is just not good. Specific examples: the ice hat giving you a small boost to avoid jumping in challenges is alright but fluctuates in how much height it gives you a lot, the challenges around the train chase still have the wonky hitboxes that do not line up with what’s still on screen, and the parade challenge has an invisible hitbox on the main platform that can kill runs. In short If you have found you love the main game and are a bit of a masochist, go for the DLC.

Pokémon Ultra Sun [3DS]

This is more or less just a revisit of the same generation with some very minor changes. The story changes take the focus away from Lillie and Lusamine (and as a result how interesting the former and evil the latter are) and places it on Necrozma and Ultra Beasts. I really like what they did with Necrozma, but overall it feels like a lot less. And while the Rainbow Rocket post game was nice and fun nostalgia, it’s still missing a solid post game like B2W2 or Gen II had. 

Ultra Wormholes are cool though, and all the good mechanics from SM are still there, so honestly I would recommend this if you haven’t played gen 7 and like Pokémon.

Hey! Pikmin [3DS]

It’s awful. I can’t think of a reason to pick this up.

I can rant about this for years, but it basically got the Zip Lash/ Sticker Star treatment: it took a franchise known for something and made it something else that was bad. It’s an incredibly slow puzzle “platformer” where you have to collect a bunch of treasure using pikmin you find in the level, it’s laggy even on a n3DS, and even though the point of the game is to collect enough treasure to leave, if you do that they’re all like “by the way, you still have to beat the final boss” so the entire auto-collecting side game you put your pikmin into is entirely pointless. This is honestly the worst 3DS game I played this year.

Hollow Knight [PC]

So I’m normally not that great with the games-that-are-pretty-dang-hard, and this was no exception. That said however, I did get pretty far (probably) before I got to a boss fight I just couldn’t beat (It was an onslaught of rolling knights in the raining city or something, it’s been a while). And after that I tried finding more power-ups and stuff to help, but I had to set it down after getting bottlenecked there. That being said, I can very easily see why people like this hardcore metroid-vania platformer, and would still recommend it if you’re into the Dark Souls style of high difficulty and mechanical mastery in other genres.

Axiom Verge [PC]

This is another Metroid-style game. I really liked this one as well, especially how its power-ups weren’t the traditional “You jump higher now” traversal power-ups. It really has a nice atmosphere and theme that still feels alien and metroidy while also feeling like the glitchy world by giving you weapons and movement abilities that let you glitch and change the environment around you. I really liked it! My only real complaint is the bosses get really challenging through a result of eventually figuring out what weapon and strategy is was designed for, and there are some areas that I was completely lost trying to find where I was going next, but all in all it’s pretty solid.

Octodad: Dadliest Catch [PC]

I normally really hate games where the focus is “lol, you can barely control your character! hahaha.” I actually really liked this one; it isn’t hard to get the hang of it and it’s really funny and still enjoyable at the same time. I rarely actually felt annoyed at the controls. I had a ton of fun with it, even if it was a little short.

Kirby Star Allies [Switch]

My complaints are very much the same as everyone else’s here; it’s a pretty okay Kirby game, but it lacks real challenge and is pretty quick. the real “star” of the show is playing the game with different characters, but since you can’t do that until after you play through as Kirby, by that point it’s either grown on you or hasn’t. The best part is the unique levels they made for the DLC characters, Gooey, Marx, Dreamland buddies, etc. Those are a ton of fun. If you like Kirby games, this one’s no Super Star but you’ll likely love all the attention to the free DLC characters and it’s not bad by any stretch.

HOB [PC]

It’s a 3D, top-down Zelda style game with an emphasis on some platforming elements. The world is wonderful, definitely the Aesthetic with clockwork worlds that Spiral Knights wishes it could’ve had. I actually had a ton of fun with it. The secrets and exploration were great, combat is ehhhhhh but that’s not really the focus. It’s a good time, If you like Zelda but with some puzzle platforming and great atmosphere, check this one out!

Poi [PC]

This is a Unity 3D platformer that attempted to brush off the Unity, and does an alright job with being mechanically tighter than most, but still has the Unity feel. Controls are a bit loose, could’ve used a lot of polish, but honestly this scratched the 3D platformer collect-a-thon itch for a bit and I actually 100% it. You have to love 3D platformers like Sunshine or Banjo Tooie to be able to like this, but if you do it’s a pretty fun romp.

Princess Remedy In a Heap of Trouble [PC]

This is a fun, short bullet-hellish game with an old-school Atari aesthetic. It’s pretty fun, but honestly I like the mechanics in the free game better (though this has more content). It’s fun, it’s funny, it’s quirky (and kinda short), try out the free game and if you like that one give this a try! The main difference is the “date” mechanic, where people you heal can join you to give you a different special power from healing, to various kinda of bombs, time freezing, homing bullets, etc. Once you find one though, it’s hard to convince yourself to try something else.

Splatoon 2: Octo Expansion [Switch]

This is Splatoon 2′s expanded hard/challenge mode. I’m a big fan; a few of the challenges are eh, but overall the aesthetic and branching map structure are super fun. The expanding on the lore and bonuses are also great; even though earlier I don’t normally go for the extremely hard, I found myself 100%’ing this. There’s a really tough challenge at the very end of all that, and I would say If you liked Splatoon 2, pick this up. It’s the expansion of Single Player that it deserves, though prepare for a few frustrating challenges.

... But now you have to pay for a terrible service to play it online so keep that in mind...

Celeste [Switch]

This is a fucking great game and you should buy it. It’s a challenging (very hard) platformer in the line of super meat boy and maybe even I Wanna Be The Guy, but this does it extremely right. restarting is very quick, the controls are incredibly tight, and the levels are genuinely clever and fun.

The story is also really solid, and I can’t recommend the whole package as a solid game.

Grow Up [PC]

This is the sequel to Grow Home, a game I’ve quick-reviewed a long time back. I liked the whole explore a whole planet and find some neat stuff, however the challenges are reliant on some weird procedural animations which don’t necessarily cooperate. It kinda overstays it’s welcome as a result, though the open nature of it is really fun. I have a hard time recommending this one, but it’s still a pretty solid romp even if it fights you a bit.

Sonic Mania Plus [Switch]

Having 100% the base game which I highly recommend, I was expecting a lot more things to do with this. Encore mode is fun; I really like how you can change up your characters and have to adjust on the fly. The new special stages are tough but fun, but the pinball minigame is.. not good. Gets old pretty quick. additionally it doesn’t add much after encore mode. Might and Ray have abilities that meaningfully add some neat gameplay stuff, but after how great the base game was, I was expecting a little bit more. That being said, the DLC is a nice bonus for the base game and you can’t really go wrong with it.

Lovely Planet [PC]

So I made a point to only play this game when I was drunk. The first few times I happened to be when I played it, so I stuck with it. This is a quick-restarting FPS with a focus on perfect shots and maneuvering to destroy all the target and get to the end as soon as possible.It’s hard as balls but really silly, so if you’re into perfectionist gameplay it’s worth a go. Probably not drunk tho.

Ever Oasis [3DS]

IIRC, this came out at a time where there was a lull in Nintendo games, or at least 3DS games so this one was very much skimmed over. It’s a mix between a town management sim and Zelda-style dungeon crawling and resource gathering. On paper, and even somewhat in game, this is a cool idea; you get townsfolk who can go with you on missions, each with their own abilities, and what you get outside of the town is used to help expand you town, which will buff you/your townspeople's abilities to go further in dungeons.

In practice however... they don’t really mesh. The limitation of 1 item per party member and items being locked to specific people you need to find, going to dungeons is a chore as you need to find out which characters you need to actually play (often not your best). Meanwhile, time passes so quickly and your town’s shopkeepers run out of resources so quickly, it’s a full time job to keep up the town and then you run out. They mitigate this near the end game by have the ability to make parties out of townspeople who can’t own shops, which are very rare. The ending is good up until the last moment where they do a thing that doesn’t make sense to get some points for emotion but... It just doesn’t work to me.

All in all, it has a demo to show how a dungeon works, and if you like management AND what that dungeon has to offer, go for it. Otherwise, the setting and character design are great but not enough to really hold interest

Q.U.B.E. 2 [PC]

The First game was Portal-esque in that you navigated the first-person Cube puzzle maze without any dialogue while manipulating the chambers with a variety of cube-spawning and extending abilities. You had to piece out and interpret the story yourself. This is the opposite; there’s a lot of dialogue, story set-pieces, and it’s bizarrely paced. You’ll get through most the game in like an hour, but then the last 2-3 chapters are the bulk of the game. Those are pretty fun, but the game is still incredibly short and I liked the tone of the first better. It’s short, it’s not bad, but it doesn’t really stand out.

NES Classic 

So I dunno if I love or hate this thing. It’s great because it’s an official NES with controller and emulator and gives me the opportunity to play a buncha games I hadn’t before, but the controller cable is too small, the damn thing has trouble getting enough power (EDIT: This was actually my aparement’s faulty wiring, though if you aren’t supplying it with enough power the sound won’t work either), and this things existence is probably part of the reason we’ve not seen a proper virtual console support on Switch. You can hack it to be able to upload other ROMs to it, which is neat (I haven’t done that), but ultimately it’s worth looking at the games and asking yourself: Do I really want to play most of these? Do I really want to buy this when I’ve already bought most of them?

SNES Classic

This is the same as above but more expensive with less games... But to me is a better value. It has a better selection of games (in my opinion), though they could’ve included some better ones. It still has the power issues (which are overcomable easily) but comes with 2 controllers with longer cables. Also StarFox 2 is a very nice game. I’d recommend this more than the NES Classic, but again, weigh what’s in it vs what you actually want to play if you can’t already

WarioWare Gold [3DS]

This is a compilation game done right. It has the WarioWare charm and the voice acting adds even more to it. The microgame selection and adaptations are wonderful, and honestly I don’t have any complaints. It has changed everything to fit in one of 3 (+2 smaller ones) categories: Mash, Twist, and Touch (+ blow and short). These are normally separate by category, but near the end they mix and match and even do some fun mix-up with it in the very last rounds and bonus game modes.  Whether your first WarioWare or a veteran, this is in my opinion the best in the series, and I would suggest you give it a go.

Monster Hunter World [PC]

So this one is hard. I really wanted to like it, and after playing Dauntless I thought I would. I even promised friends I would play it with them frequently and keep up but... between friends being able to play when I couldn’t and the game’s wonky controls and online issues, I was falling behind and getting frustrated. That’s kinda side stuff; if I really liked it I could’ve caught up. The truth is, I liked Dauntless better because while it was also very buggy, the combat was just a lot more straightforward and responsive. Monster Hunter seemed like Dauntless with a bunch of annoyances added onto it. There are tons of collectibles and recipes, weapon sharpness is entirely pointless when the monsters run anyway to give you breaks, the weapons I played seemed sluggish to attack with, and monster attacks were unclear a lot of the time. Everything just felt like a pain in the ass or waste of time to deal with and put a lot of focus on inventory management or grinding, and to me the core game you would do that for just wasn’t there.

Like I enjoyed the free roaming and exploration, but the fighting is just not for me and that’s the whole point of the free roaming and all that. I feel bad about not liking this after enjoying Dauntless, but I just am not into Monster Hunter and will be skipping the series from now on.

Katamari Forever [PS3]

I got this one thinking it was a compilation game of all the Katamari games!

It was not. It’s actually the hardest Katamari game... Which kinda surprised me about how much of a dick they are when you start out since their controls are incredibly weird and unintuitive (you get used to them) and anything short of perfection will get the Kings to any where from passive aggressively imply you did poorly or just straight out call you awful and not to bother.

Here’s the part where randomly in the giant text post I just completely break whatever I was talking about because I’m 95% no one actually reads this so for shits and giggles the first person to reply to my tweet where I posted a link to the blogpost stating that they found this paragraph will get a free me replying back to that tweet saying “nice” back. An enticing gift amirite? Anyway continuing on.

That being said, it’s pretty fun after all that; there are one or two levels designed to be super annoying but the ones where you play the core game of quickly building your Katamari are for the most part very solid. This is for existing fans of the series, but i had a pretty good time with it after I got past the barrier to entry.

Shantae: Half-Genie Hero: Ultimate Edition [PC]

I’ve talked about liking Shantae before on this blog; I mentioned that I liked Pirate’s Curse but the fact that side missions and collectibles were actually required for game completion. This Shantae looks great and all, but they completely tossed out the open-like nature and makes it a series of linear levels that you have to revisit at least 2-3 times to find the stuff that should’ve been off somewhere in a different series of areas and optional that’s really just slightly out of reach due to a power up you arbitrarily find after the level you needed to use it in ends. Dungeons are completely gone; the game literally is just “go right” and remember all the little things you couldn’t get to for when you have to backtrack over and over again.

That’s just the base game, and even with all that said it’s not a bad game, it just doesn’t really feel like a Shantae game anything other than aesthetically. I spent a few hours trying to 100% the base game, but after getting 99% and discovering I had to backtrack yet again to a snake merchant to trade for dances just to use them once and trade back, I just had 0 interest in getting the final percent. There are also a variety of different takes on the same campaign where you play as Shantae in different costumes with different abilities, Risky, or even Bolo + Skye + Rotty, and again those look fun but... I don’t really want to play the same game another 10 times.

Dragalia Lost [Android]

This is Nintendo’s first jump into mobile with a new IP, and while it’s definitely banking hard on more traditional gacha mechanics (you can get 5 star items instead of Hero characters only), it’s definitely not bad. It’s pretty generous with stamina and resources, at least when you start, and my only major complaint is how you seem to hit a wall in terms of how long it takes to really progress about a week or so of playing every day in. And it’s quite a wall; there’s quite a lot of grinding needed once you get to chapter 6 (the current final chapter that really feels like just the end of a prologue (Edit, they recently added chapter 7)), so you really need to like it. The levels are kinda simple as well, though there’s a maze-like area in the story that’s a bit more clever so it’s a start at least. All and all, it’s worth a try, but if you don’t like the top-down brawler after the first world, it’s not worth forcing through gacha mechanics for; especially since after you complete normal story mode, all you’re going to be doing is grinding to get through hard and the summoning currency gets scarce fast. For reference, getting enough to be able to challenge the High Dragon quests and not immediately die in them takes 2 months of grinding specifically for that purpose if you use your stamina optimally, which you won’t because events are more fun anyway

Overcooked 2 [Switch Download]

So this is actually really fun with a friend or 3; and that’s where it really shines. Sure, you can do it single player but it just doesn’t feel as fun. This is a sort of quick time-management game where you have to frantically run around cooking various recipes before they run out of time, to get a star rating at the end. There’s some bad levels, but the majority are really fun and it feels very fair even in single layer; I always think at the end regardless of the rank that I could’ve managed my dudes to do even better. The only real complaint is the loading times seem... unnecessarily long. Especially for restarting a level. It’s nothing too bad though.

Luckily this has online multiplayer, so I highly recommend picking this up on a platform that your friends have it on, ie Steam. I got it on Switch and in hindsight since I strongly dislike Nintendo’s online service I really wish I had gotten like a 2-pack on Steam. That’s not a complaint with the game though; I really liked it!

Super Mario Party [Switch]

Probably the best Mario Party in a very, VERY long time. This is going to be a longer review. I played this first with Keewy and his roommates and we had a great time in every single game mode (except online).

The Mario Party mode is really good; they’ve shrunk the map and reduced how much stars cost to 10 coins, but 10-15 turn games can still take an hour to an hour and a half. This makes it a much simpler, easier to get mode, but the real star here is them bringing back the Ally & character dice mechanic from Mario Party Star Rush (had it’s good moments, but was on 3DS so that’s it for that). Each character can roll a normal 1-6 dice, but they also each have a unique die that has different numbers on it. These are for the most part balanced; character with higher numbers on their dice also have downsides instead of a 1. 0′s, losing coins, and in some cases gaining coins (because you still don’t move), and it adds a level of strategy to it where otherwise it would be just “roll and hop for the best. That’s what it is still, but sometimes you can choose. You can also pick up other characters who will help you in minigames, give you the option to roll their die, and add 1-2 spaces to your roll. It’s super fun.

The River Rafting mode is 4-player co-op, and it’s pretty fun as well your first run through. Not single player though; this very much shines with 4 people. However, because there are only like 8? 4-player co-op minigames, you see every game on your first run so it doesn’t really hold up after your first couple runs.

The dance mode is great; it’s like Rhythm heaven but Mario Party themed. Again, these minigames are really fun, but once you play through all 3 difficulties, which takes about 10 minutes, there aren’t any you haven’t played. 

2v2 is ripped straight out of Star Rush, which is a great thing. Again, don’t play this with a cpu on your team at least. As far as I can tell, even in Mario Party mode, CPU’s make the same brain-dead decisions on the boards regardless of their difficulty level. Anyway, this has the same 4 boards but opened up vastly; You now roll, combine it with your partner, then add any allies you may have picked up along the way’s 1-2 rolls and other bonuses. The point is to land on the starspace and buy it, and it’s just a good time to see the strategy involved with either going for the stars, allies, or secondary goals. By far the best alternative Mario Party gameplay style in a while (way better than Island Tour’s linear maps and 9-10′s Car mode), but again there’s only the 4 maps.

So I guess my only true complaint is that while there are a lot of minigames, they’re split so much over the different modes they don’t feel like a lot and you see repeats frequently. Additionally it would be nice to turn on/off the bonus stars at the end and other options involving maybe skipping some of the cutscenes (star moving, places changed, etc.). All in all, the best and most interesting Mario Party in a long, long time. I highly recommend it if you have a friend to pick it up with.

Just Shapes & Beats

Got this game for a bit of random multiplayer. It’s a pretty fun, music based bullet hell game all about staying alive through the song while crazy stuff happens on screen. The story mode doesn’t overstay its welcome, but there’s also plenty of content and challenges for those who are so inclined, and only one of the levels felt utterly, bullshitingly unfair (which is really good with bullet hells) so It’s a fun time if you’re into top down bullet hells, and better with a friend in challenge mode

Pokémon Let’s Go Eevee [Switch]

I could write a dissertation on this game and how it’s neither good or bad; it’s just kinda... there. Some aspects are incredibly disappointing; the capture mechanics are absolute garbage, forced motion controls are atrocious, player/npc animations and interactions are completely stilted and lazy, the world is very bland vs Sun and Moon, the performance in handheld mode drops frames sometimes which is unacceptable, there’s almost zero post game, and even more. It’s by all means an HD reskin of a Gameboy game running on their crappy 3DS engine.

But there’s a lot of good here as well; seeing pokemon in the overworld is amazing and should be the case in the series moving forward, partner pokemon (eevee) are fun and fucking adorable, riding pokemon is great, having fast captures makes chaining a really fun mechanic, Having some of the E4 and Gym leaders interact with you during your quest makes the world interesting, connectivity with go is very limited but still good, having only one pokemon be obtainable only once in the game is a welcome and frankly overdue change in the game, removing breeding/abilities/held items really streamlines the mechanics and makes the game more enjoyable in a lot of cases, and I could go on.

I’m not going to recommend it, but I mean if you liked any pokemon game you’re definitely not going to not have fun with this one, even if the randomness in the capture mechanics frustrates you to no end

Super Smash Bros Ultimate [Switch]

So I mean it’s smash bros. Not much really to say about that, it’s pretty good. I kinda like Smash Bros not just for the multiplayer but the single-player as well, which is why Brawl is still my Favorite so take that as my approach here. The normal gameplay is fine, though the input buffer feels wonky at times and some characters are much harder to play against than others, which in combination with the sheer amount of characters makes it very difficult to get the hang of and counter accordingly, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. It’s just the barrier between playing casually and playing a bit more seriously feels sudden when randomly coming across characters that have inherent advantages from being wonky. Cloud for example seems to have a move for evertyhing, can spit out attacks very quickly, and if you try anything silly they’ll just charge a better move, and then randomly fighting a Ganondorf is like “I hope they don’t know how to read you because you can die at like 35 from a single fuck up”

The Single Player content though was... Disappointing. Not nearly as bad as Sm4sh, but it seems like they spent so much time putting as many characters and stages in the game as possible that they realized they wouldn’t have time to do old game modes the same way, so they made a system which allowed them to make custom smash battles with weird attributes and built the entirety of the bonus content on that. There’s really only adventure mode which is just a progression of Event Matches which gets somewhat stale and repetitive quickly, Mob Smash is just not really that fun past your first run or two, All-Star Smash is actually near impossible and not even rewarding, Classic does one or two cool ideas with routes but they clearly got lazy with a lot of characters there too, and the only platforming challenge in the game is the bonus level which takes 30 seconds and never changes.

Their Online mode is unacceptably bad and lacks options for random fights as well, and given that they’re charging for it this is just flat-out unacceptable. Buy it if you like playing Smash for the Multiplayer (which is almost everyone), but this is a hard pass if you were expecting a large amount of interesting content like Brawl’s Adventure mode had. Or are incapable of learning past a certain point, like me.

Katamari Damacy Reroll [Switch]

So after having played Forever earlier in the year and hearing how much praise this got, I had very High expectations! Unfortunately the controls are still ehhhhh and the game is surprisingly short; I beat it over the course of a 4ish hour flight. It’s definitely a lot nicer to you than Forever is, but in terms of amount of content it’s not aged well. If you’ve not played it before, pick it up on sale, but as far as I can tell this outing doesn’t add anything new to the original and it’s just a straight up re-release

Mario Tennis Aces [Switch]

So does anyone actually look forward to Mario Tennis Games? The past two have been husks of content and this one’s not really much better. The charging mechanic is interesting, but doesn’t feel that consistent or fair in some scenarios, but like was anyone waiting for this to get announced? Or is this just a “safe” series that sells okay and pads out the library for quick cash?”

It’s weird that they knew the Adventure mode was something fans really, REALLY wanted and touted it as some huge deal, even advertising it with a cool pre-rendered cutscene, and the whole mode with all challenges turns out to be at most a couple hours long, repetitive, and only actually has the two cutscenes (the 2nd being like 10 seconds). They made some silly RPG level up mechanic which didn’t feel like it made any difference, you can’t change your character so you’re really only learning how Mario plays, and it does a really poor job of explaining the different kinds of shots to you so it’s not even good for learning the game. I wasn’t expecting an experience worth telling for generations with the plot either, but even that gives up on itself; Luigi is possessed but he doesn’t do anything the whole game until you fight him, not even with the 3/5 power stones you have, and these power stones you spent the game collecting don’t do anything or matter because Bowser comes out of no where and “takes” the racket and power stones and challenges you to an admittedly fun boss fight. Not in a cutscene mind you, you’re just told this happens. It’s just lazy.

The game has some visual issues too; it’s missing any sort of stylistic flair and honestly just looks like an up-res’d Wii game, though with smoother models. Shadows flicker and cut through textures, and something weird’s going on with anti-aliasing that makes everything look blurry as hell too. I will say props for going to the effort of making tennis costumes for every character though; so that’s more effort than what went into Ultra Smash.

If you’re a huge, HUGE fan of Mario Tennis, go nuts. But uh, yeah this isn’t really worth your time for the price otherwise

Starlink: Battle for Atlas (Starter Pack) [Switch]

Yeah so it’s rich coming from me, but honestly this game is only hindered by the physical toys. As far as I can tell you can only play as generic Mr. No Personality or Fox, and then you only have the two options for weapons. The game could get interesting combat-wsie with the combinations of ships and like I think 14ish different weapons? But with just the starter pack you run through what the game has to offer pretty quick.

It is interesting though how I very rarely play Ubisoft games and hadn’t played one since their open-world formula milking, but right away I could tell that it was a Ubisoft open world game. There’s a lot to do, a lot of planets to explore, movement is fun and surprisingly easy, combat is pretty straightforward and has potential, but the key thing is that there’s like 30-50 facilities on each planets with like 4 different types of objectives (3 of which are “kill the same bad guys immediately here”), and you can spend hours on one planets doing some minor variance on that same thing over and over and over.

It’s a pretty good start in terms of base mechanics for what would be a cool system for an open StarFox game (and I know it wasn’t trying for that) but the repetitiveness of exploring, frankly pathetic writing in terms of characters, and locking a lot of the interesting content behind toys detracts from the experience. It’s definitely not un-fun, but after clearing 4 planets and seeing that’s just what the game is doing I don’t have any interest in continuing.

At least other than to see StarFox, because Ubisoft did them better justice than Nintendo has in years.

Best Game I Played in 2018: Celeste

Easy choice here, Celeste has a wonderful story, looks gorgeous, plays like a dream and managed to be an incredibly challenging platformer that didn’t make me lose my patience ever, which is AMAZING considering how little patience I have whenever I fail at a game.

I was going to pick the best game that actually came out in 2018 but honestly it’d be between like 4 games that I had gripes with in some way or another, so i’m going to say Overcooked 2 is pretty fucking solid and leave this whole run on sentence in the heading font because why not it’s my dead blog I can do whatever the fuck I wan-

Anyway that’s it. Hope everyone had a good year

[netgirl-y2k]

wip amnesty day

fics that I’m never going to finish - one (1) Pitch, one (1) PoI, both femslash, both stop mid-sentence.

Pitch, Ginny/Amelia, fake dating 

Ginny found out she was dating Amelia the same way she found out pretty much everything about her life these days: from baseball gossip blogs.

"We're dating?" she hissed into the phone.

"There's a picture of us, from that night outside your hotel room..?" Amelia said it almost like Ginny might not remember.

And as much as Ginny might like to forget that she had called a woman who wasn't her agent, in floods of tears, to fly from New York to Arizona, and then later, out of her mind on painkillers and despair, had tried to kiss her outside her hotel room... Well, it was pretty hard to forget.

Ginny made a noncommittal noise and Amelia said, "The blogmaster called for a comment--" Ginny could almost hear Amelia's inaudible, put-upon sigh "--and Eliot answered."

"Amelia, we're not--?"

"Ginny," Amelia interrupted smoothly. "This isn't going to be like the time you believed Yardbarker that you were going to need tommy john surgery even after the Padres own doctors had said you wouldn't, is it?"

"...No."

*

Ginny was in an empty hotel meeting room with Amelia and Eliot.

"Okay," said Amelia, shaking out her blonde hair. "This is fixable."

"Why did you tell that blogger I was dating Amelia?" asked Ginny, and she actually felt a little bit sorry for Eliot, who looked like he wanted to crawl inside his tablet and die.

"I panicked, okay? They sent me that photo of the two of you, um--" Eliot choked a little "--and I didn't know what to say. I didn't even know that you liked girls, Ginny!" He shot a panicked look at Amelia. "Women. Like women, I mean."

Ginny stared at her sneakers and wanted to fall through the floor. "It's not something I've ever really explored."

"Why not?" Amelia asked gently, and something in Ginny's chest clenched.

"For the same reason I don't sleep with my teammates," said Ginny. "I get enough crap as it is without inviting any additional bullshit."

"This is how we'll handle it," said Amelia, all business again. "The photograph is already out there, and there's nothing we can do about that now. But on the bride side, we're in Arizona--" Ginny had come down to Arizona early to recuperate out of the limelight before spring training, and as far as Amelia was concerned they might as well be on Mars. "So this is our story: Ginny, you and I have been dating on and off for a few months--"

"Why on and off?" Eliot asked, tapping notes into his tablet.

"Because we don't want Ginny's legions of fans to think she's been cheating on her girlfriend with a tech billionaire."

Ginny groaned. The thing with Noah had sort of fizzled out; a bit because watching your MLB playing girlfriend train in Arizona sounded much sexier than watching your sort of girlfriend sulk and bitch about her physical therapy in Arizona, and partly because his advice that there should only be one voice on the mound had turned out to be crap; they had stats geeks in baseball for a reason.

"I've come to Arizona to help Ginny through her injury and work on our relationship. Before spring training starts we'll pretend to break up for good. The media can spin its wheels while you're out of the limelight, and it'll make it easier for you later if a relationship with a woman is something you do want to explore for real."

Amelia looked questioningly at Ginny, and because it sounded better to her than admitting that she'd overdone the painkillers and decided to add a sexuality crisis to her ongoing career crisis, Ginny nodded.

*

Mike had come to Arizona early too; his knees demanded that he spend some time with the physios.

"Mike, hold up!" Ginny called after him.

"What's up, rookie?"

"Um. So. You might hear a rumour that I'm dating Amelia."

Mike blinked; he blinked again, and said, "I'm getting back together with Rachel."

"Okay."

"Okay, then."

*

The picture was everywhere online; Ginny's hand curled around Amelia's bicep, her head tilted to one side and leaning close to kiss Amelia. The picture didn't show what had happened next; Amelia pushing Ginny away by the shoulders, her soft, admonishing Ginny; in the picture it looked like Amelia was about to kiss back.

GINNY BAKER LESBIAN??? was the title of the online gossip piece the picture was attached to; Amelia had rolled her eyes and said that more than one question mark was redundant when Eliot had first shown them the blog.

Back in her hotel room Ginny couldn't help but click back to the blog, although she hadn't been able to bring herself to read more than the first paragraph. She slammed her laptop closed and picked up the remote control.

"...So it doesn't matter if Ginny Baker is gay, bi, or just has damn good taste in women; her girlfriend is hotter than any of the neckbeards complaining online could ever dream of catching."

There was a knock at the door, and Ginny let it swing open allowing Amelia in.

"Katie Nolan thinks you're hot." Ginny gestured towards the television before clicking it off.

"I just came to see how you're coping with all this."

Ginny shrugged. "Okay. I was actually thinking that maybe we should be seen together more, seeing as we're supposed to be a couple."

Amelia's mouth quirked up. "Like a date?"

"Just dinner, here at the hotel."

"You really know how to show a girl a good time, Baker."

"I--"

"No, it's a good idea." Amelia grinned. "I'll tell you what though, fake date or not, I'm not picking out your outfit for you. You'll have to dress yourself."

"I think I can manage that."

*

Ginny hadn't felt bad about losing touch with Tommy after he'd been traded to Chicago, at least she hadn't until she'd realised that she didn't even have his number and had to ask Blip for it.

She'd had to listen to a ridiculous amount of bragging about how he had a world series ring now, but Tommy had spent the first few months of Ginny's rookie season out with a broken hand, so he could kind of understand what she was growing through.

She wasn't sure how helpful his advice that she should "be a total bitch to whoever they bring in to pitch your spot", but it did make her laugh.

After the story about her and Amelia broke he texted her a series of emojis that Ginny had to turn her phone on its side and squint to understand, and when she did she stuffed her phone down the side of the couch cushions with a , "Jesus, Tommy."

*

Dressing for dinner with Amelia was trickier than Ginny had expected; it wasn't a date, but it had to look like a date to onlookers. Plus, it had to be something she could get into by herself with her arm still immobilized and in a sling.

She wrestled herself into a black dress missing Evelyn the whole time; she left her hair down because she couldn't put it up one handed, and kept her makeup to lip gloss and mascara, things she couldn't mess up with her off hand.

Evelyn

PoI, Root/Shaw, the never to be continued continuation of this

Shaw walked down the New York City street, Bear's leash in her hand and the sun at her back. She felt... okay.

A payphone started ringing as she walked past, she stopped, and picked up the receiver.

"Sameen." The rebooted Machine was still using Root's voice. Shaw looked up and found a security camera blinking at her; she smiled. "Can you hear me?"

The camera blinked again. Shaw's vision whited-out, and she could feel Bear's leash dissolving in her hand; the simulation was resetting.

No.

Shaw couldn't see properly; removing the VR goggles and the hospital strip-lighting had been what caused her vision to white-out. There was a blurry figure hovering over her, and she struck out at where she guessed the Samaritan goon's throat was.

The flunky fell back with an audible ack. Shaw rolled to her feet, blinked, and the figure sprawled on her floor and clutching at her throat resolved into...

"...Root?"

"Hey, sweetie." Root croaked. "Miss me?"

Root was dead; she'd taken six millimeters of lead to the chest and died alone. Shaw wanted to kiss her; Shaw wanted her gone.

"Do you have a gun?" she asked instead. Sometimes there was an axe in the simulations, sometimes not; a gun would be better.

Root looked long and painful at Shaw, forced the puppyish expression from her face, nodded briskly once, and said, "I know where to get one."

She scrambled to her feet and pulled open the door. Stewart the creepy medtech was out cold in the hallway, his face an unhealthy shade of blue. Root grabbed one of his ankles and began tugging him through the doorway by inches.

During one of the first simulations, somewhere in the early hundreds, Samaritan, or Shaw's subconscious or whatever, had forgotten that Root had all the upper body strength of wet spaghetti, and she'd been able to lift Shaw clear off her feet during foreplay.

Shaw pressed down hard on the skin behind her ear, grabbed Stewart's other ankle and hauled him into the room. Root found a Glock 26 in his ankle holster, which was apparently the only gun he carried.

Shaw held out her hand for the gun.

"Sameen..." Root began. She dropped the hand holding the gun to her side, but stopped short of hiding it behind her back.

"Root."

"Look, the only reason we're not swarming in Samaritan agents is that She's interfering with their surveillance somehow. I don't know how long we've got."

"Then you'd better hand over that gun."

Root sighed audibly, and offered Shaw the gun butt first. Shaw took it and said, "Can your Computer Overlord find us a way out of here?"

Root hummed and pushed her hair back over her shoulder, tilting her head to show off the line of stitches running down from behind her ear where her cochlear implant had been removed. The stitches looked more or less professional; they'd probably scar, though they didn't look infected.

Shaw wanted to touch Root's neck; she wanted to scratch through the skin behind her own ear until she hit bone and sinew.

"Right," she said, briskly checking that the Glock was loaded and ready to fire. "We play on the highest difficulty setting this time, then."

*

Even without the Machine's help they managed to find their way to a stairwell without cameras, and overwhelm two Samarian agents netting them two more guns and a white lab coat that Root had thrown on over her hospital gown.

"Can't say I love the outfit."

"No?" said Root, coming dangerously close to striking a pose.

"Psych ward chic isn't really my thing," said Shaw. "So if you playing dress up is part of Samaritan's latest recruitment pitch then it's off to a bad start."

"Shaw..." Root began, and Shaw slammed her up against the wall as two Samaritan agents passed the door to the stairwell reporting that they'd cleared this floor into their earwigs.

Shaw was pressed up against Root, her face pressed against Root's shoulder; Root felt warm and solid and real... but then, she always did.

"Shaw..." Root began again, this time with a tremor in her voice; her hands were in fists against Shaw's shirt like she was trying really hard not to clutch at her.

"I swear to god, Root, if you're about to smell my hair..." Shaw pushed herself off the wall and away from Root. "If they've finished searching this floor we

[buuckybuuchananbarnes]

Couple’s Retreat (Letting Go)

Part One  Part Two  Part Three  Part Four  Part Five

Summary:  You’ve been invited to go on a Couple’s Retreat to Hawaii. The only problem is… the only person who can go is Bucky, your least favorite person on the team. Pairing: Bucky x Reader Words: 1,810 A/N: Thank you to @lethargicprofessor for editing.  Warnings: Hope you all been to church bc this part is 90% implied smut. 

[gif originally posted by sssmcdlove]

It was your last day, and Bucky wanted to go back to the waterpark. You wanted to do some shopping, so you came up with a compromise. If Bucky waited to go to the waterpark, then he wouldn’t have to go shopping with you. Bucky agreed that this was a fair trade, and you hit the shops while leaving Bucky at the hotel again.

You got all your shopping done in a few hours, and as you made your way back to the hotel, you decided to check on the pictures. The one of you and Bucky kissing made your heart soar and you saved it to your phone. When you got to your hotel room, you could hear Bucky on the phone again.

“I chickened out. Everything was going so well and I just… I made her stop. Do you think I ruined it?” This time you didn’t knock, instead you inserted the card into the reader and opened the door.

“You didn’t, and stop telling Cap everything Buck!” You said, racing over to Bucky and grabbing the phone out of his hand. “Cap, this is Y/N speaking, I think that it’s time Bucky and I have some fun now if you catch my drift.” You heard Cap groan as the mental images started rushing in and you laughed in response. “Okay bye!”

Bucky grabbed you by the waist and pinned you to the bed. You couldn’t help but yelp at his body now on top of yours. Picking you up with his metal hand, he moved you to the top of the bed, his legs straddling your hips. “Was this the type of fun you were talking about?” He asked, and you pulled his head so his lips were now on yours.

Bucky had found his dominance. Though he was still scared he may hurt you, it was pushed aside by how badly he wanted you. Bucky’s hands went from your waist to your shirt. He pulled it off easily and his pupils became blown by the sight underneath him. Your hands managed to pull his shirt off as well and you couldn’t help but groan. You loved seeing that sculpted chest more than anything. Bucky made his way from your collarbone down to your hips, leaving soft kisses. He pulled your shorts off and in the process, had gotten his off as well. Bucky made love to you as if he was trying to memorize every single edge and curve of your body.

“So… I know that we haven’t gone to the waterpark yet, but I’d say that was a lot of fun too?” You asked. Your body was now entangled with Bucky’s, your head on his chest. You could feel the rise and fall of his breathing.

“The waterpark has nothing on the last three hours.” Bucky laughed as he realized how long it’d been since you got back. Bucky’s flesh hand ran through your long strands as his metal one traced patterns on your shoulder.

“So… you now have a decision to make. Do we get up and go to the waterpark or stay here and continue… this?” Bucky moved so suddenly that you were surprised to see him straddling you again.

“Oh, there’s no question about it.” Bucky said, and leaned down to kiss you. You giggled as his lips moved down to your neck, and he disappeared altogether in the sheets.

“Just make sure I’m still able to get on that plane tomorrow,” you said as you felt his lips kiss your inner thigh.

You looked at the clock and saw that it now read 6:30 PM. “Buck, we gotta get moving if we’re going to catch the show this evening.” You said, kissing Bucky’s forehead, nose, and moving down to kiss him fervently on the lips. Making your way off the bed, you grabbed the sheet with you.

“Y/N, what are you doing, I’ve already seen you naked.” Bucky laughed as you grabbed your things and headed to the bathroom. Before shutting the door you called back to him.

“Yeah but you saw me naked during sex not like naked-naked. There’s a difference.” Bucky laughed as you closed the door behind you. He had no idea how he’d gotten so lucky.

As the two of you sat in the front section, you couldn’t help but watch in awe at these performers. They twirled their fire poi sticks around and around. They threw them high into the air, finally catching them as they came down. You gasped as they did trick after trick. When they bowed, you couldn’t help but give a standing ovation.

“That was so cool!” You exclaimed, and Bucky grinned at you. The way she sees everything for the first time, it makes me feel like I’m a kid again, Bucky thought.

At the end of the night, a man came out with a ukulele. “There is a song that we sing every time a new week is over. It is called Aloha ‘Oe. It’s about saying goodbye, but knowing we will meet again.” As the man sang while playing his ukulele you couldn’t help the bittersweet feeling that accompanied you.

This whole retreat happened because no one else was able to come or was already in a relationship, so you had to choose Bucky. But Bucky surprised you in so many ways. The way that he was a true gentleman under all of that arrogance. The way he had been charming and made people believe that the two of you were a couple. The way he had been in love with you for so long but had been too scared to tell you.

If I hadn’t chosen Bucky, none of these things would have come to light. And now we’re leaving tomorrow, and I’m not sure I’m ready. As you continued to listen to the song, you couldn’t help but shed a few tears.

“Y/N? Are you okay?” Bucky whispered to you, wiping your tear-stained cheeks.

“I’m just not sure if I’m ready to leave Paradise yet.” You said. Bucky wrapped his arm around your waist.  

“I know. But you will continue to have me, for always.” Placing your head against Bucky’s chest, he kissed you. “I love you, you know.”

“And I love you,” you whispered back.

You assumed that after the show, the two of you would head back to the hotel. However, Bucky had other plans. Instead of making your way back to the hotel, Bucky veered off to the ocean. The two of you walked hand in hand until Bucky stopped.

“This should be good.” Bucky said, starting to strip. Though it was late and dark, you still thought Bucky had lost his mind.

“Bucky what the hell? We can’t just go skinny dipping at a resort!” You whispered urgently to him. Bucky gave you a wicked smile and helped you with your dress.

“Technically, this isn’t the resort anymore. Plus, I saw a waterfall over here when I explored. Who’s to say we can’t have one more adventure?” Bucky asked, running into the ocean.

“When the hell did you have time to explore?!” You questioned, chasing after him. Although it was dark, you could still see the outline of Bucky and continued to follow him.

“Between your massage and shopping and me being on the phone with Steve. I wasn’t on the phone for hours, guys don’t talk for that long.” Bucky whispered back. You’d barely heard what Bucky said because before you was the most beautiful waterfall you’d ever seen.

As you continued to swim, you saw a large rock with a smaller waterfall cascading upon it. You swam up to it, and climbed up. You sat down, taking off your bra. You let your long hair cover your breasts and called to Bucky “I’m finally a mermaid.”

The sight in front of Bucky was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. The way that the moonlight danced on you as the waterfall continued to hit you perfectly… Bucky wished he could take a picture of this moment. Instead, he let out an involuntary moan and followed you up the rock.

“Just back behind this waterfall”, Bucky said, as he guided you. Although it was dark, Bucky’s eyes could pick up more than yours could. As he stopped, he cupped your cheeks with his hands. “If you’re tired, or you don’t want to do this, I’ll understand. We’ve kind of had a –“ Bucky was cut off as you kissed him. It was true, you were tired, but nothing was going to get in the way of you seizing this moment.

The two of you now lay on the ground, completely spent. Although you were exhausted, you knew you still had to swim back to shore. You kissed Bucky, aware that he was just as worn out as you were.

Luckily, you and Bucky made it back to your room without getting into any trouble. I guess the good thing about having a boyfriend like Bucky is he knows how to avoid detection. As you made it back to the room, you saw that your flight left in four hours.

“I guess it doesn’t make any sense to go to bed now.” You said, and Bucky agreed. Setting your alarm just in case either of you happened to fall asleep, you and Bucky lay on your bed talking.  

“Can I tell you a secret?” Bucky asked, and you nodded. “I know that things with me have blown over. And the Team has finally taken to me… but I don’t feel like I’m good enough. I don’t mean that I’m not skilled. I mean good enough as in, a good enough person.” As you listened to Bucky speak, you couldn’t help but feel like Bucky was being too hard on himself.

“You’re just as good as I am. Or Natasha. Or Wanda. Or Tony. Everyone has their own demons and battles. Even Cap has had to deal with some shit. Not one of us is perfect, and you’ve had it the hardest. But Cap showed me footage of you as a kid. You were cute, and definitely not a bad person. Don’t let Hydra define you.”

As you continued to talk, Bucky only heard one thing. “You thought I was cute?” Bucky asked, and you rolled your eyes.

“Please tell me that is not the only thing you gained from my response.” Bucky placed his hands behind his head. He couldn’t help but beam up at the ceiling.

“You thought I was cute. Be honest – was it the uniform?” Bucky asked, and you shook your head.

“Bucky, you ever wear that uniform around me and so help me god I will tear it right off of your body.” You deadpanned, and Bucky chuckled. I know what I’m doing for Halloween, Bucky smiled to himself.

Tagged: @ailynalonso15 @lilasiannerd @the-instrumental-mortal @cassandras-musings @learisa @phoenixcaputo @nairobi13 @marvelfangirl-x @no-good-ideas @in-winchester-we-trust @hawaiipeople-blog 

[theragnarokd]

either way, there is a light on [POI x Fallout 4 fusion, reese + finch gen, rinch if you squint]

[fusion crossover with @maculategiraffe‘s fantastic “How Life Goes On, The Way It Does” series. self harm TW, contains physical & psychological torture, canon-typical violence, internalized & external dehumanization, caretaking]

R3-53 was just back from tracking down a rogue unit: he'd only finished washing the blood off when the order came to go down into the laboratories.

He passed through the places where humans in white lab coats worked, his head bowed respectfully, and onward through four locked doors. Finally, he found Dr. Snow, unit K4-74, and a human R3-53 didn't recognize.

"Unit R3-53," Dr. Snow said, "this is Dr. Finch. You are not to obey his orders. You are to keep him from escaping. And you are to obey K4-74 in everything."

"I told you," Finch said, his voice reedy. "I'm quitting. If you want to exile me, get it over with."

Dr. Snow nodded at K4-74 and left without a word. K4-74 pulled out a sharp blade.

"Unit R3-53," K4-74 said, "cut across your stomach. Avoid any long term damage. Do not hide your response."

Dr. Finch's breathing and heart rate sped up. An adrenaline reaction, surely, to seeing someone so similar to a human threatened.

R3-53 exposed his abdomen and took the knife from K4-74. The cut was only two milimeters long when Dr. Finch said, "Fine! I'll do it. I'll do it. Please tell him to stop." Sweat beaded on his forehead and he blinked a little too rapidly.

K4-74 gave the command, and R3-53 obeyed.

~~

"This is what they gave me," Kitty says, and hands a piece of paper over to Nora.

Nora frowns. It's a rudimentary map, with a few nearby settlements marked on it, and an X marked with the legend, "the least of what father owed you."

"There were supplies there," Kitty says, "and this." She takes out a simple device with a tiny LED. "The instructions said to wait until it turned green, then get going. That's what I did."

Kitty's chosen name suits her: she's tiny and adorable. Nora asks, "And you didn't face any danger on your way here?"

Kitty shakes her head. Her ponytail bounces. "None. I saw a mirelurk once, but someone I couldn't see blasted it off."

That's four synths now with variations on the same story: a map left, tossed through an open window or hidden in their clothes, a trail of supplies ultimately leading to Fort Independence.

"Thanks, Kitty," Nora says. The kid, shyly, offers her a hug which Nora gladly accepts. "I'm glad they brought you here, and kept you safe."

"Me, too," Kitty says, and wrinkles her nose. "Would it kill them to hang out long enough to let me thank them in person?"

"Here's hoping not," Hancock says quietly behind Nora.

~~

The only time R3-53 saw Dr. Finch show emotion were when he was being punished, up till now.

"I'll let you think about it," Dr. Snow had said, before leaving the room. "Unit R3-53, you know what to do if Dr. Finch refuses."

K4-74 lay on the table before them, motionless. Her relay chip had become damaged. Dr. Finch was ordered to fix it, without any other scientist's help.

"This is stupid!" Dr. Finch finally snapped. "I'm no doctor, I'm not even advanced systems! They're ordering me to kill her for no reason but to watch me squirm!"

2593 milliseconds pass, and R3-53 said, "Was I mislaid about your name, then?"

For a longer span of time, Dr. Finch stared at R3-53. Then he said, voice high, "Did you just make a joke?"

R3-53 didn't flinch, of course. He'd been trained out of such responses. Instead he said, "I am capable of field surgery, Dr. Finch. I can take out the chip for you."

"Can you?" The sudden interest in Dr. Finch's eye is... oddly gratifying. Perhaps R3-53 had learned to connect Dr. Finch's relief with the cessation of his own pain: the link between the two was plain enough, and frequently reestablished.

"I'm no scientist," R3-53 said. That much was clear enough.

"You're certainly smarter than some I've known, and more capable," Dr. Finch muttered. "Although that might be considered damning with faint praise."

~~

Getting access to PAM was kind of a bitch, given that Desdemona is still pissed at Nora. At the same time, Desdemona isn't stupid, so access Nora got.

Not that it helped her a whole lot. "Data set invalid," PAM says, after taking forever chewing the data.

"Oh come on!" Nora does not thump her fist on any nearby surfaces. She's too classy for that. "This is the data we have, are you telling me it's impossible?"

"Data set invalid," PAM says again, with a hint of reproach. How dare Nora fault her logic.

Nora looks at her maps and timelines. Okay, yeah, it doesn't seem likely that just one person could manage to run around escorting four synths to her, each more than a few hours' walk from the others. An operation of that size would take at least six or more people, unless they could teleport, and then the support those people would need - you'd end up with an operation that Nora would hear about, one way or another.

She frowns and rewinds that thought. Unless. Unless they could teleport...

~~

"You have to go," Dr. Finch told them, his face ashen. Above them, the explosions were louder and louder, coming close.

K4-74 only waited for long enough to ask R3-53, "Coming?" When he shook his head, she shrugged, said, "Suit yourself," and took off.

"I am not required to obey you," R3-53 told Dr. Finch. "My orders are to prevent your escape."

"From what?" Dr. Finch demanded. "The Institute is literally getting blown up! You have to go, unit R3-53, or you'll die here!"

"The same applies to you." Distantly, R3-53 noted that his voice was rising. "These were not my command parameters. I cannot let you escape."

The next explosion hits one of the armored doors, shaking the room. R3-53 caught himself, but Dr. Finch fell to his knees.

He looked up at R3-53, blinking. Hesitantly, he said, "What if I left with you?"

Before Dr. Finch finishes his sentence, R3-53 says, "These parameters are acceptable." He hoists a squawking Dr. Finch on his shoulder in a firefighter carry and hastens away.

~~

The problem with tracking down someone who can teleport... well, it's right there in the question.

The first place Nora considers is the Institute's old location, but there's barely anything left of that. Michael would have been able to teleport there if the pad had still been active, probably.

So there's another teleporting device somewhere in her commonwealth. Isn't that dandy.

PAM did end up helping, unexpectedly, when she flagged up several exchange sites.

What these were, Nora had no idea until she got there to see a pile of broken technology and a tiny hill of glittering caps. "Doesn't anybody steal those?" Nora says, gesturing at the caps.

"Not if they like their kneecaps," says the settler who showed her the place. He seems a bit too cheerful about the idea. "You leave any piece of tech, plus caps, and it comes back fixed. That's how it works."

If Nora's mystery guy - or gal - turns up around here with regularity, there should be a pad close by. All Nora would have to do is find it and wait.

~~

They had not escaped unscathed; R3-53 had only shallow injuries which, although numerous, healed quickly, but Dr. Finch took shrapnel to the back. R3-53 did his best to stabilize Dr. Finch, and it seemed he'd heal, but he would probably never have full range of motion again.

The first thing R3-53 told Finch when he woke up was, "I'm sorry."

Finch croaked, "You saved my life." Then, more alarmed, "Why can't I move my legs?"

Even after R3-53 explained Finch's injuries and how R3-53 was responsible for them indirectly, through failing to better protect Finch, Finch refused to cast any blame on R3-53. "You saved my life," he repeated, stubbornly.

Caring for Finch was repetitive and weirdly soothing, not unlike caring for his weapons, except that Finch was alive. Finch was oddly courteous about his care; he always thanked R3-53 for even the smallest action, and asked for assistance in the most polite terms. Probably this was due to Finch's embarrassment. R3-53 paid it little mind.

He did appreciate that Finch no longer tried to deter R3-53 from following his mission parameters. One time, when Finch asked, "What's on your mind?" R3-53 admitted that.

"The Institute is gone," Finch said, quiet. "Nobody is going to order you to hurt yourself, now."

That was undeniably true. It was a relief to hear - less because R3-53 was afraid of damage to himself, and more because R3-53 never enjoyed the evidence of fear in Finch's heart beat.

"Nobody will order me to hurt myself," R3-53 agreed, just for the vicarious pleasure of Finch's relief. That, too, was part of what made caring for him soothing: Finch's lessened pain felt better than using a stimpak.

Finch looked at R3-53 thoughtfully. "Do you miss having orders?" he asked.

R3-53 considered. "It was good to have a purpose," he said, slowly. Even if, bit by bit, he'd come to wonder if that purpose was real or worthwhile after all. Finch's scathing lectures about morality and wastefulness had crept into R3-53's mind.

This, too, made caring for Finch soothing: that it was like the opposite of all of R3-53's other missions. A mission to save, not to destroy.

Sometimes, it was as though Finch could read R3-53's mind. "I have an idea," Finch said. "Supposing that I could ascertain the location of synths in danger. Supposing that I sent you to escort them to safety."

R3-53's heartrate and breathing were elevated, despite his best efforts to the contrary. "What safety is there, with the Institute gone?" he asked.

Finch grimaced. "Please don't play stupid, R3-53. We've both heard the radio announcements."

"How?" R3-53 demanded. Unthinkable, to take this tone with a human, even if he'd expressly been told not to obey Dr. Finch. "My mission parameters prohibit leaving you for so long." R3-53's mission parameters were a thin sham, now with the Institute gone, but so far Finch had not called him out on it.

Finch's answering expression is unbearably smug. "R3-53, do you need to be reminded that I build relay interfaces?"

~~

Nora's mystery person turns out to be a tall guy in a courser uniform. He has a gun aimed at Nora before she can say anything.

She raises her hands high. "Do you know who I am?" she tries not to smile, or look too much like she wants to tackle-hug him.

"Director Nora Bowman," the courser says. He has a weird sort of tone, like he's stage-whispering, a little sing-song. "Father's heir, protector of the Commonwealth."

Nora nods fast. "So you know I have absolutely no intention of hurting you?"

He looks at her. He's more expressive than most coursers she's met, but that's true of stone statues, too. "That might be a mistake on your behalf."

That... doesn't make a lot of sense. "If you think I'd hurt synths, why did you send all these guys my way? Not that I'm not grateful. I am, a lot." Something moves in the courser's face. Nora seizes on it. "They're all doing great. Kitty is really great at doing laundry, which is a skill I didn't know how much we needed until someone picked it up, and Mikey--"

She stops when he tenses. The most minute movement, as obvious as a full body seizure to someone who's gotten used to speaking courser. "You think we're human." His voice is flat. It sounds like an accusation.

Nora spreads her hands. "Well... duh. Did you think I'd be doing what I've done otherwise?"

He comes a little closer. His gun is still trained on her, but now she can tell his eyes are very blue. "Then tell me, Nora Bowman. Are we responsible for the things we've done? If we're not machines, how can we say we were just following orders?"

"Oh," Nora says, full of understanding, and an, "Oh, honey," slips out.

It was the wrong thing to say. As soon as the word comes out, the courser flinches away, then runs back to the pad; a flash, and he's gone.

"Shit," Nora says, to nobody in particular. She knew she should have brought Michael along for this.

~~

He paces their little hideaway, aware that Finch is watching him.

"It's hardly in my best interest to suggest that you hear her out," Finch says at last. "And yet, the encounter seems to be weighing on you considerably."

He feels like he's going to burst, like something deep and nameless will crawl out of his chest if he's still for too long. "She was just curious," he says harshly. "Now she'll be satisfied."

"Amazing," Finch says, quietly. "All this work the Institute did on you, and you retain just as much capacity for self deception as an ordinary human."

He turns around sharply. "Am I human, Finch? There's a name, isn't it, for the kind of human who did the things I've done." Murder, if the synths were as human as Finch and Bowman. Worse than murder.

Finch opens his mouth, then visibly rethinks his words. "People can do bad things and be forgiven."

"If she can forgive me," he growls, "after the things I've done, I don't want her forgiveness."

"R3," Finch begins, then stops, looking at his face. "Do you want another name?"

"I don't see why that matters," he says harshly.

Momentarily, there's silence. Then Finch says, idly, "You know, I used to think of your former colleague as Kara. Her designation nearly spelled that. You could be... Rese? Reese. If you found that a name you could connect to."

He freezes. Then he turns around and walks out. Part of his mind ticks items off a list: their hideaway is secure, Finch has abundant food and water and caps. Finch abhorred venturing outside, but in an emergency he could.

Reese. The name flickers and flashes in his mind like a meteorite, too far and hot to touch.

He dresses as a human, sometimes, to buy food food in nearby settlements, spending the caps Finch earned repairing equipment. He's learned to speak similarly to the locals, so as not to draw attention. Nobody has ever asked his name; he assumed he would say it's John. It's a common name.

John Reese. It's as good a name for a killer as anything else.

~~

Nora doesn't drown her sorrows in drink anymore: instead, she cuddles her kids, at least those of them amenable to cuddling. That's pretty much just Emily and Shaun, although the others have really come along on the hugging front.

"I was stupid," Nora says. "I knew he was skittish, but I had to open my big mouth."

"He'll come around," Emily says firmly.

Nora has to admit that experience is on Emily's side. She lays her head over Emily's shoulder. "He better. Or we'll all hunt him down and cuddle him into submission."

Emily hugs her, then stiffens. "Is somebody calling for you?"

~~

At his side, a frantic beeping sounds. Reese jerks upright and starts running.

~~

"I'm the General," Nora says. "Somebody's always calling me." But she gets up: part of being the General means being available when you're needed.

She leaves the family room to find Kitty, her freckled face pale. "There's someone at the gate," Kitty says. "He's all bloody, and he's carrying someone."

~~

The raiders are still there when Reese makes it to their hideout, but not for long. It takes him only a few seconds to get rid of them, and then he wishes he could have made their deaths last longer.

Because the alternative is to look at Finch, lying twisted and broken on the floor: alive for now, but beyond Reese's ability to keep him that way.

He kneels next to Finch. "What did they want?" He doesn't care about the answer, just wants to hear Finch's voice.

"I told them they could have the caps," Finch says. "They wanted my maps."

That the raiders knew about the maps Finch and Reese kept, the ones detailing the locations of synths who might need their help, is troubling. That they wanted the maps and ignored caps and supplies to search for them is worse. But Reese can't think about that right now.

"You need medical assistance," he says.

Finch's hand finds his and grabs for a moment. "Go to Bowman," Finch says. "She can utilize your skills better than I ever could. Bring her the maps."

Reese meets Finch's eyes. "I thought you knew that's not in my mission parameters," he says.

Finch is shaking. He must be in agony. But his voice betrayed no sign of it as he said, "Your mission is going to be over soon, anyway. You'll need a new one."

Something spasms in Reese's chest. He flings himself up and rummages around. He doesn't have materials to make a travois and there's no time, anyway.

He can still do better than last time: he stabilizes Finch's wounds to the best of his abilities before picking Finch up in his arms.

At that, Finch makes a futile attempt at struggle. "What are you doing?"

"If I'm going to Nora Bowman," Reese says, determined, "you're coming with me."

Finch huffs softly. "I think," he says, "I might find less of a welcome there than you will. I'm not one of those she regards as her children - I'm one of the people who oppressed them."

"If she can't forgive you," Reese says, with a slight feeling of - what's it called? Deja vu. "Then I don't want her forgiveness."

~~

"Are you okay?" Nora asks the guy in the blood-soaked courser uniform.

He tracks her gaze. "Hardly of the blood is mine," he says.

"Yeah, that's not what I asked," Nora says. "Look, I'm sorry I spooked you. I said the wrong thing, I do that a lot. Please let me make it up to you."

He looks at her, blank as only a courser can be. "You will continue to give him medical care?"

"Absolutely."

He stands at even stiffer attention, which she would have thought impossible. "Why?"

Nora considers. "Well, usually I'd do that for anyone showing up injured at my door, unless I have reasons to suspect they're a danger to me and mine."

Suddenly he's looming over her, coming further into her personal space than any courser she hasn't taught to hug. "What if they are a danger?"

Unfortunately for him, that just means she wants to hug him, bloody clothes and all. Still, she restrains herself. "I don't think he's going to do anything horrible while under general anesthesia," she says. "But is it him you're worried about?"

For a minute she worries he'll storm out again, but he looks into the clinic again.

"Do you want a chair?" Nora says suddenly. "You could come inside and sit next to him." She eyes him, tries to think of a tactful way to say it, then just opts for, "Maybe grab a shower first. I'm pretty sure I have a clean courser's uniform around here somewhere."

"What I wear doesn't matter," he says. Of course it doesn't.

It suddenly strikes Nora that she's being a dumbass. "Hey, what's your name? Designation. Whatever you call yourself."

For a long time he's quiet, long enough that she worries she offended him again. Then he says, quietly, "John Reese."

Well. Nora doesn't think she can be blamed for hugging Reese then, even if it is an absolutely terrible idea. "That's a great name," she tells him, wholeheartedly. "It suits you."

"It was Finch's idea." Is it her imagination, or is he softening a bit under the contact? Whatever. She'll take it.

[gothicpheonix]

So thankful for Cartoons' LGBTQ

———————————————————-

My gay heart is just so happy. That more and more (at least in Cartoons) there are more overt LGBTQ characters and in general.

Cartoon Network

• Steven Universe (definitely #1)

Adventure Time (not as much sadly and then Rebecca decided to spend more time on SU where she could show it more)

Nickelodeon

• The Loud House (I’m going to watch this more. But the Loud son’s friend has two dads and they’ve been featured in three episodes more and more. And NOW Luna Loud is also gay. You find out in the new episode L is for Love. Such a fitting title)

Disney

• Unfortunately the Gravity Falls scene was cut

• Star vs (I forget the whole show and the episode wasn’t as overt as other networks have been. In this episode you notice a gay couple kissing in the background)

So yes while Disney isn’t up there, and can improve, at least they are trying now. It is too bad that it hasn’t covered into non-cartoons, at least not those networks. They were some shows where the subtext was so high between characters before they then tried to change it to make that stop. For example Victorious’ Jade and Tori.

⚠️⚠️⚠️TRIGGER WARNING ⚠️ ⚠️⚠️⚠️

CW has had LGBT however they have often killed them. At least when Lexa (the 100) was killed all other CW shows heard the outrage. Also in OiTNB they killed a gay character…but it was much more sad though Lexa’s death brought up more the anger on that too because more people (younger generation especially) were noticing a pattern. Though with Orange is the new black, I think they were following a more true event perhaps? They also killed Root on POI but I could understand it more but felt…they could’ve done better. I mean they saved Sameen Shaw.

And MANY LGBTQ and allies stopped watching The 100. Plus stopped following JRoth’s stuff (don’t ever work for him. He treats his Cast badly, even bullied one to the point they wanted and did leave. Though Ricky’s character wasn’t supposed to have been killed off yet because they were still going with negotiation…or he was told a few episodes. Then he got the new script the next day and found out he was killed off). It’s the 21st Century and we are tired of this toxic trope of killing gays to the point of NORMALIZING this toxic trope . And it was the way they did it to when actually Lexa could’ve been saved. Look at season one white Jasper was stabbed through to a tree and grounder medicine saved him. They were at Polis, where Grounder Medicine is abundant so… and I will forever hate Titus. And no I don’t usual view suicide as cowardice because it depends on the situation and person. BUT!!!!!!!!

Him committing suicide was cowardice because Lexa asked him to protect her..that didn’t. He hated Clarke, blamed her when it is all his fault. He just didn’t want to give up his power. ANYWAYS

⚠️⚠️⚠️TRIGGER WARNING OVER⚠️⚠️⚠️

⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️

Sara Lance was brought back. And we also got Alex Danvers and Maggie (Sanvers or Agent Detective) on Supergirl [though they really messed the whole season up by making it more about Mon-el. And as a couple they didn’t have a healthy relationship and didn’t have really good chemistry as a couple. Kara had better chemistry with others)

And in NCIS New Orleans we have Tammy Gregorio who in her first arch you see and hear she is gay (Meghan Ory played her ex.) and then it’s normalized too. (Also if you want to hear another normalized LGBT song listen to the Halsey with Lauren’s Strangers song).

And of course webseries are doing better because they don’t have to rely on a television network. And have to find themselves. Here are the ones I love Carmilla All for One Couple-ish And because of this year more and more celebs are coming with true support for the community or coming out!

———————————-

* UPDATE*

Now in Star VS the Forces of Evil, Marco’s cool ex returned with a girlfriend from Paris and we saw them often once she returned in the background often until the end of the series. Hopefully with what happened with Steven Universe and Loud House this could mean that things will eventually change in animated tv shows and more representation will be shown, that more will have the courage to create more positivity to the LGBTQ+ community and normalize it. And that there will be less Bury Your Gays trope. Not to mention achievements now in tv series where we are having gay main characters such as Alex Danvers, Maggie Sawyer, Sarah Lance, Ava Sharpe, Kate Kane (upcoming). And Disney added their first coming out episodein Andi Mack (which many are upset it is ending).

——————————————————————————————-

[panic-in-tarir]

One year in review

That’s it! The OH IT’S BEEN ONE YEAR post is here!

The closer my first anniversary was, the more excited I got, and the more thoughts I gathered for one “summary” post. Now that it’s time, suddenly, bam, all of them gone. :’> *wipes sweat*

Recently I had someone asking about my progression and how I managed to get there (???? where? derp). Well, I guess, I could just start telling about my first deeds in GW2, and then see if I can add something.

This might or might not be relevant, but I come from Wakfu, a colorful 2D game with turn-based combat. It’s cool visually, but also has terrible management issues, lack of developer care, one of the worst customer supports ever, list goes on.. I played it since 2012, and year by year, only grew angry, disappointed and hurt. That was like an abusive relationship I couldn’t get out of. I refused to try different genre and engine games. Finally, @aketan​ / @flame-squad​ / Rika got me lowkey interested in GW2 (she was commenting expressively while playing, and I peeked over her shoulder), I decided to try it. And stayed. Migrating to a real-time 3D game wasn’t easy! Yet, it was my lifesaver decision. GW2 has everything that I wish was there in Wakfu. It took me several months, if not a year, to get fully “healed”, to recover from the bad game and start believing that good games exist. When I had to contact GW2 support, I was touched to tears.. Everything and everyone is so nice here.

That wall of text was a foreword! Or explanation why I’m so excited and grateful about every aspect of GW2.

I started without putting too much thought into the char creation, as a result, now I have yet another main whose name is literally foreign language swearing or pun. GG me. After having been completely lost and confused by the controls (I LITERALLY ran backwards and yelled), after having a short but comprehensive lesson from bff, I started derping around on my own. I think I was only guided until lvl 5 or so, then my buddy let me do whatever I want. I come from a sandbox-wannabe game so it didn’t take me forever to get comfortable and set my first goals. Of course, I had a shit ton of questions, which I didn’t hesitate to spam Rika with. It’s cool to have someone ready to explain you the basics and patiently show you things. :D My several first days, or even weeks, were intense. I didn’t rush levels, but was eager to see the world. It was so amazing to me that I was spending 8-10 hours a day, running around, completing maps. I started in Metrica but quickly wandered away to Caledon (”oh! a portal?!”), where I spent a handful of time then.

With such a desire to discover and observe, and after having seen the title you’re awarded for 100% world map completion, I set it as my first ultimate goal. I approached it rather seriously, and had an incredibly fun time, at least until I had only Orr left undiscovered. x’D As a squishy (and slow, and dumb) ele, I was frightened and a bit discouraged by the amount of, well, deaths here. If I recall correctly, I still wore yellows at that time, although I was 80. Rika helped me and accompanied me for a bit. Orr was tough and I legit cried out of anger and frustration when I was alone, but that was the only unpleasant moment in entire year, and only because I wasn’t good at the game yet.

In the meantime, I was leveling my first alt, human engi. Do you actually remember that f2p accounts only allow 2 chars? Later, after buying HoT, I finally got loose.

They say, you always remember the place where you finished your first world map. For me, and oddly enough, for Rika, it was Field of Ruins. We reached the last POI at the same time, and, boy, did it feel great. My first big accomplishment. It dropped like.. Like a norn fart in a moot (c) Jory \o/ I still use the title btw, “been there, done that”. \o/

Then, there was a relatively dull period before buying HoT. I focused on doing my personal story, maxing out my alt and getting into crafting. The latter quickly became addictive to me. It’s so smooth, fun and exciting in GW2. Artificer was my first discipline, and after getting the hang of it, I breezed through 100-500 in a single day’s course.

That’s what the progression of my first 4-5 months looked like! I still was f2p, did only open world content and had one person to play with. I’m my own boss so it’s up to me to decide if I want to spend 30 minutes or 8 hours ingame.

HoT was a blessing in every aspect possible! I never regretted buying it, never regretted taking my time and not buying it earlier though - I needed that f2p scrub time to learn the basics, and to appreciate all the convenience and QoL improvements that come with HoT.

That’s where the real game starts, if I could say that. Core Tyria is by all means amazing, but you can go only this far if your account has those market and mail restrictions.. I used to enjoy playing market in Wakfu (while it was still alive) and I was excited to try it in GW2. When I bought the expansion and got my account fully functional, I got some skins and dyes ahead of all, then proceeded with crafting since I was really addicted to it and excited to max all the disciplines as my medium priority goal.

GW2 is encouraging altoholism! So I found myself leveling a third character (tried revenant and didn’t notice how I got her to level 20-ish and it was too late to delete), then fourth, fifth, then more char slots.. You see my weakness. I quickly realized the perks of having alts: storage, gathering, alternative personal stories, so on. When you’re an altoholic, plus you have yet to finish gearing up your main, plus you can barely hold yourself from leveling another crafting discipline.. RIP GOLD. I never had more than 30-100g at that time period.

Since market and wealth are one of my biggest passions ingame, I learned ways to earn me some coins, one by one. It’s not that hard if you’re a patient gatherer like me. Just run around, chop trees, collect ore and herbs.. I enjoy it so much, maybe it’s grind for someone, but I find it relaxing. Also it brings you gold. \o/ I found a few niche crafts that I could keep making and selling, then got familiar with market flipping, still not doing it like “big daddies” do, I might be too inefficient and lazy at it. But still, I found my own stable sources of income. Not gonna lie, the game just seems to like me and spoils occasionally. I don’t wanna brag, but there was like 4 precursor drops for me, 2 from mystic toilet, 2 practically dropped from the sky. I might be a little luckier than the average player. But that’s well deserved given how much suffering I had in Wakfu. :’D

When we talk about luck, we can’t avoid mentioning gambling. I learned about mystic toilet quite early, but never was a slave to it. Tarrktun has a bit more power over me, but I’ve never lost too much, only gained little by little. Black Lion Keys are the most evil gambling aspect if you ask me, I’ve spent quite a bit of money on those, though sometimes got nice things in exchange. Either gold to gems or gems for real money, I don’t mind spending it on Anet since they very, very well deserve it.

Given my passion, patience and luck, you must think I should be filthy rich by now.. Hah. :’DD Sadly, I’m just as good at spending as I’m at earning! I blew a lot of money on my own “needs” and “wants” and “why not”s, I keep investing into long term sales, I also often buy gifts for my buddies, mostly Rika. Money comes, money goes. GW2efficiency says my account is worth 14k gold currently. Not a bad progress for a year, I suppose.

So.. My biggest interests and playstyle are gold wars, fashion wars, altoholism.. I became quite a lore geek, completed PS, LS2, available LS3 episodes & most of current events, most of HoT? I should finish it but I procrastinate for some reason.

My current achievement number is 7610, mastery rank is 129 iirc. I’m not a casual derp anymore, but still too afraid to fail in front of strangers so I don’t really do dungeons or fractals. I mean I DO, when my bff literally holds my hand and goes there with me, then 3 strangers vs two of us is tad bit less scary. My combat skill, my reflexes and reactions are rather pathetic, even if I got significantly better after HoT and LS3 maps. I must train more, so recently I made a tanky character to practice, I hope to get good enough to clear story mode dungeons and low level fractals alone. Maybe I’m being too hard at myself, but combat skill has practically the biggest influence in this game, so I must git gud, at least acceptable, so I don’t feel ashamed to play with other people and don’t let them down. :’D

I’m a pve trash. Tried WvW and don’t mind coming here again, but not too much. PvP is a big no-no. Just.. Not my thing. Never. Not with my current skill and mindset (people = stress).

I’ve still got a mind-boggling amount of things to do. Personal goals, mere achievements, secrets and mysteries I’m yet to uncover, lore things to read. Maybe I’ll play GW1 one day, if there’s ever a discount sale. \;w;/ I’m super curious about every tiny bit of lore, also want some skins that are exclusive to GW1. That pleasant, sweet feeling that there’s so much interesting things ahead. I will take my time and never grind anything to frustration, for example, I’ve been working on my first leg, Sunrise, on and off and I’ll wait several months more, until I get all the clovers from the monthly chest. I don’t sweat it and just enjoy the game however I see it. Feelsgoodman.

I hope I managed to answer that person’s question, how did I get where I’m currently? Just took my time, learned my own pace and enjoyed every minute I spent online. Love the game, and it will love you back. \o/

[thelowbrass]

Probably more than you want to know about me

I have a 3-5 page essay due the day I come back to school about who I am and what I want out of life and the class it’s for (an honors theater course). That isn’t a problem though; I can talk about myself and my thoughts for days. In fact, I struggled to keep it under 5 pages (it’s about 3 words away from running over… after I altered the margins slightly so I’d have more space). It really just ended up being be rambling about music, running, and depression though

I’ve decided to share my rough draft on here, just for shits and giggles. I finished typing it about 5 minutes ago, and I haven’t edited it at all (so please let me know if you find any mistakes). Feel free to read and critique!! (it’s a pretty casual essay though)

Probably Too Much Information About My Life

My name is John Sterrett. I am a 17-year-old freshman from Martin, Tennessee, a “city” that’s home to roughly 11,500 people and a small university (enrollment: 8,000). Both of my parents are engineers, and they both taught at the university until my mom moved to the high school this most recent school year to teach math. I have an older sister, Tamara, and a younger brother, Nicholas. I frequently come across as a straight, white, middle-upper class professors’ kid who’s always made pretty good grades and never got in trouble. That’s okay. It’s what I am. I use Old Spice deodorant, and I brush my teeth twice a day with Crest Ultra-whitening toothpaste. I have a collection of books that’s slowly becoming more non-fiction than fiction, and I keep my hamper in the corner of my room by my door, but with enough room for my door to open without a problem. I have narcolepsy, and I’m terribly nearsighted. My glasses stay on the desk by my bed at night. I take a multivitamin every morning. I go to bed too late.

However, I live a life pretty different from most people; I’m an ultramarathon runner. I run for hours on end for the hell of it. Simply put, I’ve come to like running long distances. There is absolutely no need nowadays for me to be able to run 50 miles, but I do it, and it has become who I am. I find solace in the solitude and the discomfort. People call me crazy, or (as my calculus teacher put it) a “masochistic freak.” They ask me why I do it. Don’t worry, I’ll answer that later.

Though it makes up a large portion of my life, running doesn’t take up all of my time. I also play the trombone, piano, tuba, and euphonium. I spin poi, and I love listening to and writing music. I keep a few plants, and I thoroughly enjoy cooking (though I haven’t been doing much at college). I’m an Eagle Scout. I climb and cycle frequently, and I log a couple hundred miles of backpacking each year. Additionally, I spend my copious amounts of free time reading, especially non-fiction. However, I guess I need to move on to answer the pressing, ever-important question that adults always ask me. I’m a nutrition major on a pre-physical therapy track. It’s a path I never would’ve expected myself to be on, but I’m extremely happy where I am. To give you a deeper understanding of who I am, an idea of how I got here, and knowledge of where I want to go, I’ll basically tell you my life story, starting the summer I turned 7.

The summer after second grade, my grandmother moved in with my family, and she brought her piano with her. I, of course, started messing around on it, finding out what notes sounded good together and what notes didn’t. By the time third grade began, I had figured out major and minor triads on my own and could play a few songs by ear, and my mom helped get me started on piano lessons. Thus, my musical journey commenced. I continued with these lessons until I dropped them at the start of sixth grade to join band. For some reason, I didn’t think I could or even should play two instruments.

In band, I was assigned to play the trombone, which I was ecstatic about. Once I started playing, I found I really enjoyed it, so I played around and practiced for hours every week (much to my parents’ dismay). I got pretty good, and I was invited to play in the high school band when I was in eighth grade, which definitely helped accelerate the learning curve. More importantly, however, it really sparked my love for music and challenge. Moving on to my freshman year of high school, I kept practicing and working hard in school. I found that the more I did, the more satisfied I was. I auditioned for the All-West Tennessee band that year and placed fourteenth.

If you can’t tell by now, I was pretty used to being good at things. I had sat first chair in my section ever since seventh grade. I made straight A’s. I wasn’t used to being beaten, so placing fourteenth didn’t exactly make me happy. As a competitive perfectionist, I was searching for what in my mind was idealistic, musical perfection: no missed notes, no mistakes. By this point, I was absolutely sure I wanted to major in music, so I was dead set on being perfect. However, perfection isn’t music; it’s not art, and, most importantly, it is not possible. I stressed myself out a lot seeking it though. By my sophomore year, with school weighing heavier and music becoming more intense, I started having a lot of trouble with stress. I wore myself beyond thin. Almost every practice session ended with me in tears: my tone wasn’t good enough, I missed a note, or I couldn’t get the dynamic range I wanted. Basically, I was tearing myself apart for not being on the level of someone who had been playing for five times as long as I had. I couldn’t handle it, so I had to find some way to get the stress out.

I started running, and it helped. I liked it. Life got better. I was dealing with a ton of stress, but I was able to manage it. That year, I got ninth chair at All-West and first chair at UT Martin’s honor band. I was pretty happy with those. My friends and I helped start up my school’s charter cross country team. I started running more and training hard. As I said, life got better.

That summer, however, I started developing depression. At the time, I didn’t realize it; I thought I just kind of felt less stressed and slightly bored because school was out or something. It got worse as junior year started, and I started thinking something was wrong, but I was afraid to tell my parents because I was afraid they’d make me quit band or cross country, which they saw as unnecessary activities. For me, they were the only times I really felt anything.

Junior year of high school is a tough time as it is. There’s pre-cal, the ACT, looking at colleges, and, in general, a much higher workload in classes. Once you throw a sport, marching band, narcolepsy, and depression on top of all that, life sucks everything you have left out of you. I felt empty, except for when I played music and ran, and it started getting to the point where those weren’t helping me much either. Life wasn’t even gray or black; it had no color. I felt suspended in nothingness and pointlessness. One plus one didn’t equal two; it didn’t equal anything because it didn’t matter. Though math was pointless, I struggled to get away from letting non-perfect numbers represent me. By the end of the semester, I was in shreds.

That winter break, I decided I needed to do something about it, so I tried to figure out how to help myself. I really started trying to look at everything I did as an art. I added more color to music, more emotion, more feeling. I scrounged up anything I could find and poured it into everything I did. I started running free, running without a watch. I just ran, and I started venturing longer and longer. I ran my first marathon solo on roads near my high school on New Year’s Day. I started seeing the natural beauty in math and science. A sense of color came back to me. I was able to back off on my competitive and perfectionist nature.

As the semester came around, All-West auditions were creeping up, and I was shooting for All-State, which meant I had to place in the top three of West Tennessee. One week before the audition, however, I came down sick and wasn’t able to play until the audition (I was still sick for the audition too). I wasn’t able to play too well on a technical level, so I went in with the goal of making music; I wanted to make art. They wouldn’t know I was sick, so they would not be taking easy on me for missing notes, and I had to compensate by making them feel something. The next day I also auditioned for Tennessee’s Governor’s School for the Arts, and that audition went even better. I ended up getting fourth chair at All-West and missing All-State by one chair; however, I made it into Governor’s School!

I finished out that school year slowly getting better, with – of course – a few relapses (that still come about occasionally). My summer at Governor’s School went well, and I absolutely loved it. My passion for music grew deeper. However, later that summer, one night at the track with a friend, I had a realization: I need music to not be my profession. I need music as my art; I need it as a way to release stress; I need it as a way to find what’s inside me. So, the plan became to major in exercise science, since, as a runner, that had really started to fascinate me. I also started looking at a career in physical therapy.

My senior year, in general, I was happier than I’d ever been before. We qualified for state in cross country, and I ran my first two ultramarathons that year. I placed third at All-West, and I ended up getting second at All-State. I spent a lot of time thinking about why I did what I did, leading me to figure out why I like running ultras, something that’s generally considered crazy.

I fell in love with ultrarunning for the same reason I fell in love with music. It makes me feel something. I spent plenty of time feeling nothing, and now I crave the opposite. I do it for the discomfort, the array of emotions that comes with it, the highs and the lows. I’ve become a firm believer that discomfort heightens sensitivity, and prolonged, repeated mental discomfort gives people a certain “depth” that you can’t find elsewhere. For me, that discomfort comes from ultrarunning. I’ve seen people go from crying to laughing in just minutes during an ultra, and I’ve personally experienced emotional intensities and swings I never knew existed.

All this has helped me develop, and I think I’ve found what I want out of my life. I want to help people, and I’ve found that nutrition and physical therapy are two wonderful tools that I can use for this. I’ve found that I love the connections to nature and myself that come with running for hours on end. I’ve found that I’m happiest when I’m accepting, both of new challenges and new people. I’ve found that I believe our humanity is rooted in art. I know I seem like some half-crazed hippie who likes to play the trombone and run. That might be who I am.

I spend my time looking for challenge, for art, for discomfort, for new knowledge and new feelings, and I hope that gives you an idea of what I want out of this class. I want art. I want to improve my ability to think and learn. I want to experience. I’ve tried to fit a painting of myself onto these five pages of black words on a white canvas by telling the story of how I got to where I am now. I hope you can draw from this who I am and who I strive to be.

[ddrkirbyisq]

Not really sure what things to write here and not to write here.  I feel like writing more is good for me, but sometimes writing less is good for others. House is pretty much free of fleas now, so we did a great job vanquishing them.  There are still some outside in the yard but the inside is pretty much all clear except for the possibility of the one room that currently isn't being used.  Yay. The fleece throw blanket that we put through the washer is doing just fine.  It probably shouldn't go through the washer again like that but after a bit of time it looked a lot better than when it first came out of the wash, and then I got a metal brush/comb (for pets) to help detangle the fibers as well, which seemed to help a bit. Played MtG (in paper!) for the first time in gosh knows how long...I could feel my brain slowly melting, haha.  Games like alttpr are of course also very mentally demanding, but those are somehow less tiring, really.  I think it's because there's a good mix of on-the-fly thinking but also some sections which are just execution where your brain gets to relax a little more (though often your brain is still considering what the next "plan of action" should be in the meantime).  MtG is just....really tough.  Combat can be a nightmare to tease out sometimes and even more basic stuff like spell sequencing, I made some mistakes on.  On the plus side, I feel like even being rusty, I'm able to look at a somewhat complex board state and use heuristics to feel out what should be the right play without delving into every single possibility.  I think those sorts of "broad strokes" intuitions are super helpful, and being able to make value judgments in terms of trading resources.  Every action in MtG is really just a matter of trading resources (sometimes on-board resources, other times potential resources), so in the end the decisions just boil down to evaluating different resource exchanges against each other. I've been working on an art project this month and it's nearing completion!  It's been really great to work on actually, doing art like this makes me feel happy and alive.  Unfortunately this also means I didn't managed to get around to the All in a Day's Work 5 cover (d'oh).  That'll have to be next... Have not been doing so much in the physical exercise front, but getting back into it, with some DDR and such.  I took a stab at making the frankenstein-hacked soft pad better by replacing the super thin foam layer with something more sturdy, but in the end the thin crappy one worked better as it was more flexible.  So that was a bunch of hours basically wasted, though I did at least cut some extra holes and trim the thin crappy foam so it is better than when it started at least.  I also found the input debounce setting in Stepmania, which serves to combat jittery sensors, so that's great.  Still not a perfect pad of course, but I mean...there's a limit here.  Hard pads unfortunately are still not the easiest to get, would probably cost a few hundred dollars.  Not worth it at this point, though I'll have to revisit that decision come xmas maybe?  In the meantime I could serve to refresh my poi skills and especially my taichi forms, which I have been seriously neglecting. Streamed another alttpr run today.  Ended up being on the slow side as it was an all dungeons required seed, so all the other times were pretty slow as well.  Given that, I did decently, though I had some execution flubs.  My routing felt ok, maybe I could have made better calls on where to go first, but I felt like the paths in which I routed my checks in general were just fine. So the BBS that I found has a non-active game of Falcon's Eye going with one supernation and....that's it.  I started building up my nation but we'll see if the other guy just randomly decides to crush me or not (they spied me, but didn't attack....).  There's a game of LORD going, which seems to actually have players, but unfortunately the Ultimate Universe game seems to not even be setup to run correctly, as the daily maintenance doesn't seem to be running.  On the plus side, I took the time to figure out how to run the AI players written for UU (yes, the registered version has AI players!  amazing...), so now I've got my own local universe dimension set up all for me, and I can play at my own pace, with the 15 other AI players in the universe all doing their own thing.  So far I've set up my ship with some basic stuff, gotten a bunch of money through trading, paid off my federation debt, bought a bunch more devices, and have now created a planet and am trying to get that all established and running. :D Having the urge to continue the Touhou 1CC challenges where I left off, which means trying to attempt Subterranean Animism on Hard...we'll see if/when I start that. Social studies...it's hard to feel like just doing random stuff is really effective at this point, but something is better than nothing, I feel like.  I put in my daily effort today.  Someday I think it'll take some more concentrated efforts to feel like I'm doing the right thing, but that day is not today, nor is it tomorrow.