#I swear I was just taking a long route home so I could listen to the radio and vibe a little

[watching-constellations]

I meant to go to bed early, but instead I fully accidentally ended up at a rave. This happened within twenty minutes of leaving my friend’s house. Phenomenal. I have several questions.

[goldustwomun]

bags (s.h.)

pairing: steve harrington x fem!reader

summary: you'd loved steve since you were fifteen, followed him wherever he went. so when you were finally over him, stumbling home with another man clinging to your side, why was he waiting by your doorstep?

warnings: (unedited) angst angst angst, best friend robin and nancy but also lovers <3 robin and nancy <3, swearing, drinking, clubbing/partying, self-deprecating thoughts and a stubborn reader, steve is kind of an asshole despair and dread lol, this went a route i hadn't expected but i'm feeling achey and sad tonight so :) enjoy :) and don't hate me!

wc: 2.2k+

note: i hope this isn't entirely ass lol i just want steve harrington to break my heart but like i cant put my ideas into words and its SO FRUSTRATING but whatever :’)

Can you see me? I'm waiting for the right time I can't read you, but if you want, the pleasure's all mine Can you see me using everything to hold back? I guess this could be worse Walkin' out the door with your bags

You should’ve known it’d end up this way. His back, coloured shades of blue and purple as dusk kissed at his skin, retreating into the distance and down the very road you’d just stumbled up only moments earlier. Maybe if you had listened a little closer, noticed a little more, the way he grabbed at your waist, squeezed your palms, held you close, you could’ve avoided it all. The shock and heartbreak and unbearable yearning only to turn up empty and desolate all over again.

Because you loved Steve Harrington, in more ways than he would ever know, but it had taken days, months, years, even, to get over that initial infatuation and belly flutter you’d been plagued with as teenagers. He was King Steve and you but a peasant, a shadow, one of many, that flocked to his side when he waved or smiled or tripped you up.

You loved Steve Harrington, but you hated him for waiting so long to work up the courage to just say it. I love you; I’ve always loved you, you wanted to say, but the words refused to pass the seal of your lips and instead you were left gaping at an empty spot on the ground, a Steve-shaped hole in your heart.

It’d been days since you’d seen him last, mourning his absence but refusing to sit around like you might’ve done if you were still seventeen. But no, you weren’t seventeen, you were a twenty-something independent that went out and did things and met people and kissed them if you wanted, maybe even take them home to your one-bedroom that would be otherwise empty without Steve plastered to your sofa, a hand stuffed into the popcorn you kept around because he once said he didn’t entirely hate it.

And that’s what you had done, convinced Nancy and Robin to leave the haze of their never-ending honeymoon phase to take you dancing. The drinks hadn’t stopped coming. Every time you gulped down a shot, another would be shoved into your hand before you’d had time to comprehend the reality of what you were going to do. To sleep with a stranger in the same space you’d watched Rocky with Steve only days earlier. You’d called and asked and begged him to come over, to join you, Nancy and Robin, but he’d bit at you in that way he sometimes did. The harsh edges of his teenage-self making itself known in ways you’d have liked to forget.

“Stop it, babes. I know what you’re doing,” Robin scolded, frowning at the dip between your brows and the lost look in your eyes. You forced a smile then, and she scoffed at the minimal effort you put into hiding your feelings, always having excelled at letting them take over your features even when you didn’t mean them to. Of course, every knew, everyone could see it in the way you trailed after him, like a lost puppy begging for an ounce of attention. Steve was cruel with the crumbs he handed you, but he didn’t know any better.

Everyone knew and everyone could see but Steve had always stood out, the most handsome, the most fit, the most clueless. And maybe that’s why you were perfect for each other because you hadn’t known either, had you.

“Come on, up you get!” Robin urged, pulling you from your chair with Nancy already clinging to her side, shuffling the three of you with what little sobriety she had left in her to the dance floor, pulsing lights and thrumming bodies none-the-wiser to the way you heart was cracking open.

So, you jumped and danced and bounced to the beat in ways you didn’t know you were capable of. Free and without regret and it wasn’t until someone was staring at you from across the room, watching your every moment with a fascination you’d never been subject to, that you stopped, pressing past Nancy and Robin with a tip of your head that assured them you’d be back.

He, whoever he was, surged into action, coming behind you at the bar where you were busy asking for a glass of water. You turned and smiled, stomach dipping, because he was attractive and strong, and he had these kind eyes and soft lips that looked like they’d be otherworldly against your skin. He introduced himself but the music obscured his words, so you nodded and pretended and wondered why you were dreading this conversation when it had only just begun.

He pulled you into a somewhat quieter corner after you’d gestured it was alright, and really, he seemed as surprised as you were when you all but pounced, mouth meeting his, open and desperate. He hadn’t complained, had probably seen it coming in the quiet desperation of your eyes. Of course, he didn’t know it was because of the way you wished it was someone else kissing you into the wall and not some all-consuming lust you were fueled by.

The next thing you knew you were huddled into the backseat of a cab, then stumbling across the gravel to your front door.

And that’s when you saw him. Sat on the bottom step of your apartment’s front door, gaze focused on the way whatever-his-name-was smirked into your neck, having probably thought you had stopped for a smooch and not because the man you had loved, unrequited, for close to a decade was staring at you like you’d stabbed him right in the chest, and twisted.

“Steve?” you whispered, loud enough to prompt Harrington off the step and marching across the short distance to you. “What are you—” but you never had a chance to ask him before he was swinging a left hook right into the guy’s jaw.

“Steve!” and you were shouting now, pushed to side as the stranger retaliated out of instinct, socking him in the nose. Steve looked like he was grinning, blood dripping into his mouth, like he was enjoying the feel of getting the shit beat out of him. “Stop it! Steve! I said—” you yanked him back, shoving him behind you as you rushed forward to-- fuck. You still don’t know his name.

“I’m sorry— Jesus Christ—” you swore when you noticed how his eye was already bruising as he shook you off. “I don’t know why he did that. I—I’m—"

His words were bitter when he responded, shooting daggers at the looming figure you were keenly aware was still behind you before meeting your pleading eyes. “It’s fine. It’s fine,” he assured you, squeezing your hip as he moved past you to leave. “You should talk to your boyfriend, you know, before you bring anyone else over.”

“I’m not—He’s not—” but he was gone, and you were still reeling from what had just happened, what Steve had just done. You turned, anger coursing through you so violently your hands were shaking. “Fucking hell—Steve! What the fuck are you doing here? And what the fuck was that?!”

“Were you going to fuck him?” he asked plainly, bluntly, shirt pulled to his face as he tried to stop the bleeding. There was still that wild look in his eyes, a flush to his skin, like he too was dazed and confused.

“What—I--- how is that any of your fucking business?” you answered back, shoving a finger against his chest. He was immovable though, only grabbed at your hand and held it until your palm was flat against the front of him. You could feel, now, the reckless thrum of his heartbeat, and you asked yourself how you’d gotten here in the first place, pushed up against a bloodied and bruised Steve Harrington.

“Just tell me. If I hadn’t been sat here, would you have fucked him?”

And you didn’t completely understand it, didn’t know what answer he was looking for—the one that was acquiesce him enough to explain himself or at the very least go inside and forget about all this ever happening—so instead you answered honestly. “Yes,” but your voice cracked at the end, so you snatched your hand back, cradling it to yourself like an injured bird you hoped to keep cocooned in your warm. You cleared your throat and tried again. “Yeah, I would have slept with him. And if it hadn’t been him, I would have found someone else.”

He nodded, looking as if he were pained but you were certain, now, it wasn’t because of the punch he’d taken to the face. “And if I had answered your call, met you there, got drunk and kissed you, would you have fucked me, too?”

You reeled at his words, feeling entirely as though you were the one in the midst of a fight. “Where is this coming from, Steve? Why are you saying these things to me?” you begged, pleaded, tired of whatever back-and-forth the two of you had gotten into the habit of.

“Look—” and he was determined now, steely gaze pinning you to the ground. His bruised knuckles brushed through his hair, scattering the strands across his forehead so that your fingers tingled with the urge to brush them out of his eyes like you’d always done. “—I should’ve said this ages ago. I just—I never could because it was never the right time, and I didn’t really see you in that way, not when I knew you did—” and really you wanted to stop him there, let the Earth swallow you whole and spit your bones out to be buried far from here. “I knew you had this—this thing for me but I ignored it but then we became friends and we—I mean, we watch movies, and we cuddle on the couch and sometimes I think I’d like to do that with you all the time and—

“Steve, please,” you whispered through the tears flooding past your irises, looking anywhere but at him, cheeks flushed with humiliation. He’d always had this tight grip around your heart and maybe he didn’t know that with every word he spoke that grip tightened, and tightened, and you were sure your heart was going to burst if he didn’t shut up right then.

“Just listen—I want to do those things with you always, sweetheart, I really do. I could’ve—I mean, I should’ve communicated my feelings earlier, I know I should have, but I didn’t want to lie to you. Not when you mean so much to me and I couldn’t give you what you wanted.” He looked at you then, expectantly, reaching forward to pull you into his embrace but you stumbled back, wanting out of the hold he had on you in more ways than one.

“Am I meant to thank you for looking at me differently now?” you bit out, exhaustion coating your syllables like rust on a nail.

His face fell as he stuttered over his own words. “I mean—no, sweetheart, no, of course not, I just thought—”

“You thought because I’m pathetic—because I’ve always been fucking pathetic to you—stumbling after you since high school that I’d just be, what, waiting for you? That I’d welcome your change of heart with open arms and gratitude?” you scoffed, gaze narrowed as you watched that wall of his build itself back up. Your ego was bruised and you were too stubborn to admit it, because you thought he had been clueless, and that thought had kept you safe all these years as you curled into his side every weekend.

“I don’t think that. I’ve never thought that” he cautioned, temper rising. If Steve Harrington was anything it was beautiful, and if he wasn’t beautiful, he was angry, stubborn, a pot ready to boil over.  

“Come on, Steve. You said it yourself: I’ve had a thing for you since freshmen year. I followed you after we graduated, and I’ve followed you again, here, now. It took me years—fucking years—to get over it, to accept that I’d never be more than a friend, if that, and now, after you’ve been dodging me for days, you turn around and confess some sort of miracle feelings for me?” You were panting, out of breath from the way the words spilled out of you, thoughts you shouldn’t have kept to yourself all this time.

“Well what should I have done!” he roared, and a few curious lights blinked on from the building behind him. “Should I have not befriended you when you turned up to the same college? Should I have, instead, fucked you ten years ago when it would have meant nothing to me?” And you flinched at his words.

“You should have let me be, Steve,” you sighed, defeated. Because he was right, but you hated him for prodding at wounds you were still trying to heal.  “You should have kept it to yourself and let me be.” But really what you wanted to say was you’ve been lying to Robin and Nancy because you weren’t over him. You loved him; you’d always love him, but you were afraid, if you told him the truth, that he’d slowly fade from your life until he wasn’t a part of it anymore.

He nodded, face slipping into that mask of his you’d dreaded seeing. “Right. Got it.”

He pushed past you, and you wanted to thank him for the slight brush of his skin against yours, but you kept quiet, like you always had.

as always, please comment and reblog if you enjoyed <3

[talaok]

Hi, I was watching your writing and I'm in love, could you do one where Pedro Pascal and the reader have a child and are very famous?

Pairing: Pedro Pascal x reader

A/n: OK. i'll be honest i panicked cause I don't know if by have a baby you meant giving birth to one or having having it, so I googled it and Google said the first one, so I went with that.

Having to sneak out of your own home while in active labor definitely wasn't on your to-do list, but the mob of paparazzi right at your front door didn't give you much of a choice.

It was midnight, why the hell they were still there was well beyond you, but then again, everything that had happened since you and Pedro were first spotted together had been just as crazy.

It was like a media tornado. Everyone seemed to have an opinion about you, and of course, a constant need to regurgitate it on the internet, magazines, and even newspapers at one point.

It was ridiculous it's what it was.

And when the vultures found out you were pregnant... oof, you can imagine what a shitshow that was.

A camera was being pointed at you every time any of you left the house, whether you saw it or not, you could be certain it was.

And Pedro had tried to do everything in his power to stop it, he wasn't someone who lost his cool very easily, but when it came to you and the child growing in your belly... he transformed completely.

He had filed lawsuits and spoken with everyone he could to let you have some godforsaken privacy and peace, but when that clearly wasn't working he started to get more practical.

You walked everywhere with him now, so that the moment the paparazzi got even a tiny bit annoying he could do his best to try and make them stop (which oftentimes required him to scream at them to "let you fucking breathe").

And now, that the media had somehow obtained your due date, of course, Pedro had planned the perfect escape route.

Which was why he was now backing up the car to rush to the hospital.

"You ok?" he breathed, although his lungs had long been uncooperating.

"yeah" you hissed through another contraction "just-hurry please"

His eyes were on the road the whole time, but you could feel him staring nonetheless.

His right hand was holding yours for dear life, telling you -I'm here, it's all gonna be fine- all the way to the delivery room.

"Just another push" the doctor said, and you obliged, pushing and squeezing Pedro's hand until all his veins were seconds from popping.

And then-just when you were ready to say fuck it, I'm done here, you heard it- you heard the cry, and you didn't know why, you didn't know how... but tears, tears a mile long started flowing from your eyes.

"It's a girl," The doctor said, handing the now blanketed child to you, into your arms.

If you could you would have told him that it wasn't a good idea, that your arms felt about as strong as noodles right now- but all you could do was watch, as the baby -your daughter- stared back at you with her dad's eyes.

"hey" you felt a voice to your left, and turned to find Pedro crouching beside you.

"hey there" he whispered to the baby, letting his finger trail her minuscule face.

"It's your daddy," he murmured "Listen, I know you're probably tired and don't wanna listen to me, but I just wanted you to know-" he paused, looking almost unbelieving, like he was waiting for the moment he would blink, and everything was gonna disappear, his daughter, you, everything he cared for the most in the world just... poof.

But you didn't.

And he still couldn't believe it.

"I just wanted you to know that I love you" he said, "I love you and your mommy more than anything, anything in the whole world" he kissed her pretty forehead "And I swear... I swear I'm gonna spend every single day of my life proving it"

You smiled through the tears, as he struggled to fight back his.

"I'm sorry, we need to take her for a moment" The doctor spoke again, 

You had forgotten he was still in the room.

"Do you?" Pedro asked, although he already knew the answer

"We do, Mr. Pascal, I'm sorry, we need to wash her and make sure she's all right"

He sighed, looking down at the tiny creature in your arms with a glint in his eyes you had never seen before.

"fine" he mumbled

You sniffled, staring down at her.

"I love you." you murmured, kissing her cheek "God, I love you so much" you chuckled, before handing her to the nurse.

Please be careful, you had to fight the urge to say.

And just like that- only you and Pedro remained in the room.

Silence, a light, stunned, happy silence fell- and only after you regained consciousness, and realized what just happened, did all the noises come back.

The beeping of the monitor, the buzzing of the tv, and- and shouts from outside, talking and murmuring of what you already knew was a crowd.

Pedro must have noticed too, because he went to peek from the window.

"I'm gonna kill them" he sighed, his forehead falling to the glass, watching as interviewers and paparazzi clogged the entrance of the hospital.

"It's a lot?" 

"Yeah"

Again, silence.

"Baby?" you called 

"yes?"

"We'll think about it later," you said, holding your hand out for him.

He immediately took it.

He crouched next to you and you looked at one another, so many things to say and yet no idea how to say them- until- until-

"We have a daughter" you smiled

And he laughed, he laughed all the happiness and anxiety right out of his body.

"We do" he grinned, his eyes teary "We have a daughter"

[nikoruistyping]

Our Love Language || Spencer Reid

Spencer Reid x Fem!reader​

Summary: It’s your first time spending Valentines day with your boyfriend, Spencer and just when you thought all was lost he surprises you in more way than one...

TW:  Small bit of Fluff, Lots of Smut, Adult Language/Swearing, Dirty Talk, Kissing/Making Out, Fingering (Kinda), Vanilla Vaginal/Office/Desk Sex, Oral Sex (Fem Receiving), Praise Kink, Nudity, Playful Banter/Jokes, Established Relationship, Aftercare, Mention of Valentines Day, Gushy “I love you’s” 

Word Count: 4,805

A/N: HAPPY BELATED VALENTINES DAY FOLKS! I hope you enjoy and this little one shot is especially dedicated to my bestie who is obsessed with our boy Spencer Reid so I hope you enjoy babes and that everyone else does as well! Also this took me almost 3 days to write and proof and Im sure there is a bunch of mistakes still so I will go in and fix later since work and personal life has been crazy recently.

Physical touch, Quality time, Receiving gifts, Acts of service, Words of affirmation

It was the one day of the year you actually hated with a passion because the thought of it made your blood boil. Another holiday for people to make money off of and take advantage of all the loving couples who wanted to do many something a little extra special for their significant other. It was annoying having to see so many happy couples going around doing all the stuff you wanted to do but at the end of the day, you would go retreat to your fuzzy blanket and turn on Netflix with a bowl of ice cream in hand. Well at least that's how you used to spend Valentine's day but this year would be different from the rest because it was your first time actually being able to celebrate not alone but with your boyfriend Spencer.

You had an extra pep in your step the whole day and as you got off the subway from a long day at work you were looking forward to whatever surprise or possibly more than one surprise he would have for you waiting at home. It was eating you alive trying to guess or more so make up little scenarios in your mind about how just exactly what would the night entail. Would he go the more romantic route? Dozens of roses and a home-cooked meal? Would he get down and dirty from the get-go? Doing tons of explicit things to you the minute you stepped into the doorway? Just the sheer thought of it made you bite your lip, your steps getting faster in anticipation.

Before you could even pull your keys out of your pocket you get a phone call from Spencer and you quickly smile at the picture you had set as his contact photo, clearly something so silly and embarrassing but it reminded you of how much of a goofball he could be sometimes. You pick up raising the phone to your ear to listen to his voice.

"Hey babe,"

"Hey Y/N, so I have some bad news..." His voice seemed to echo so loudly into the phone your heart seemed to drop.

"Bad news...what the hell do you mean?" Your brow was furrowed in confusion as you had stopped in your tracks just minutes before you could enter into your apartment building.

"I-I don't think I'm going to make it home on time," You could hear the shakiness in his voice and that he was nervous.

"You have got to be kidding me! Spencer, you know how important today is for me. It's our first time as a couple celebrating Valentine's day, are you sure there isn't anything you can do?" Your Valentine's day plans were starting to disappear before your eyes and you hated how much importance this stupid holiday had on you but you at least wanted to enjoy it once while being in a serious relationship with someone you truly loved. You tried your best to seem tame over the phone because at the end of the day, it wasn't exactly his fault.

"Don't you think I know that Y/N?! Trust me I want to be with you too right now but this case is really beating up the whole team and there are piles of paperwork to do." He deeply sighed into the phone out of exhaustion, you hated seeing him so overworked like this and you know he hasn't been sleeping well recently.

"Fine how about this...have you eaten at all today?" You ask into the phone raising an eyebrow, you were sure Spencer could already imagine the look on your face.

"Does two cups of coffee count?" He asks with a small chuckle.

"Well, that tells me all that I need to know. It's decided I'm coming over to the BAU and I'm bringing dinner for us. If you can't come to me I'll just come to you." You quickly decided after sacrificing all the perfect little plans you were imagining in your head and you started to accept the reality that you would be spending your most romantic night ever in the dim lights of the FBI's office, how exciting.

"Y/N are you sure?! You really don't have to and plus do you really want to be here bored out of your mind watching me do paperwork?"

"I've already decided and as long as I'm spending time with you that's what I really care about." You say with a small smile on your face and turn yourself around to start walking in the other direction.

"You're right, I'll see ya soon then yeah?" He asked with a grin across his face on the other side of the phone.

"I'll let you know when I get there. See you soon my love." You quickly hung up the phone blushing to yourself before he could comment on the new pet name you called him. For some reason, it felt natural to say, what other day is better fitting than today right?

1 Hour later...

Take-out bags in hand you made your way over to the front doors of the BAU office. The office from the outside seemed darker than usual and there weren't many cars in the parking lot so something was definitely off. You reluctantly swiped your visitor's badge at the front door, pushing the glass door open with your hip to hold it as you seemed to juggle the bags of food around from one hand to the next. When you turned around to look at the front desk there was a candlelit walkway leading you in exactly the direction you were supposed to follow. Immediately a smile came about your face and you eagerly followed the pathway made for you, rose petals decorated the floor leading you right to were you needed to be.

"Spencer?!" You questioned calling out to him hoping he would respond back. The darkness seemed to fill the air and you couldn't see anything in front of you other than a few office desks being dimly lit by candlelight. You cautiously took a few steps forward, footsteps echoing into space.

To no avail, you didn't get any response back so you tried your best to navigate where you knew his desk was. You could already tell it must have been his because it was the one that had fairy lights surrounding it, more rose petals decorating the small space, and a little folded-up notecard addressed to you.

You gently put down the bags of take-out food and picked up the notecard while reading it to yourself.

Y/N, I know you're probably a bit upset at me that I lied to you so you could come here. I wanted to celebrate this special day in the one place where it all started, here in the BAU office. I hope that this doesn't come off as lame or corny, it's my way of showing you how much you mean to me. Happy Valentines Day S.R You couldn't help but have the biggest grin on your face, you couldn't believe that he really went through all this trouble to make everything look so pretty for you. You really were the luckiest girl in the world at that moment.

Before you could even say another word, you felt a familiar presence standing right behind you, and hands quickly covering your vision so you couldn't see.

"Spencer is that you?" You knew it was him but hey no harm in asking.

"Hmm... the name doesn't ring a bell. Can you describe what he looks like?" His breath was hot as his lips were close to your ear.

"Oh I see-" You quickly caught on to the drift of his little game so you decided to play along.

"Well let me think and see if I can remember," You paused trying to build up the suspense.

"He has these handsome brown hazelnut-colored eyes, he's about 6'1, his hair is light brown extra fluffy sometimes curly and his lips are very and I mean very kissable. Is that a good enough description?" You answer back smirking to yourself that you were sure it made him smile hearing you say that last bit of info.

"I might have seen him around, looks like he happens to be a criminal though so I'd be careful if I were you." He almost broke his serious tone of voice with a small but audible chuckle.

"A criminal, what is he guilty of?" You ask pretending to be shocked with a fake gasp escaping your lips knowing exactly where this little joke is going but you decided to indulge him since you found it cute and endearing.

"Looks like he stole someone's heart," He states as you decide to turn around, his hands lifting up to uncover your eyes so you could finally look at him. All the feelings from when you first met flooded back, the all too familiar feeling of butterflies in your stomach and cheeks flushed pink while your eyes made contact with his.

"He definitely stole mine for sure." You declare quickly pulling him closer to you, your hands immediately finding their home on the back of his neck where your fingers played with small loose strands of hair.

You smiled and leaned forward, kissing his lips softly, after such a long stressful day his lips felt like home. You let yourself become so relaxed that without even realizing you started to draw him closer, a queue for Spencer to put his hands on your waist. You had almost forgotten what it felt like to kiss him this passionately and you pressed into it, your fingers curling in his hair and lightly tugging. Your head turned to the side, your tongue sliding against his as the kiss became more intense. You let a quiet moan slip out and before you could get too carried away you pulled your lips away. Your hands reached back to his face and soothingly stroked the patchy stubble on his cheeks.

"You know you're a pretty good actor, I would have never guessed." You commented with a small giggle he just smiled right back at you.

"Let's just say it was a little white lie, it's an exception. Plus it was so worth it to see you like this right in front of me." He leaned in closer nuzzling his nose against yours as you just enjoyed the faint smell of his cologne.

"I have to say I'm impressed you were able to do all of this and with Hotch's permission?! You must have had to beg." You said with a small snicker.

"Well, what can I say, some people are worth going through a little bit of hell," He says with a smile as one of his hands goes up to cup your cheek, his hand a bit shaky and you could tell he seemed a bit nervous despite the very confidant façade he was putting on for you.

"Is everything ok Spence? You're shaking," You ask concerned as you put your hand on top of his.

"I-I-um well ok- there is something important I wanted to tell you and I thought it's finally the right time to do so," He took a deep breath and you could even hear how hard he swallowed due to the deafening silence around you two.

"Y/N...I love you-" The minute he uttered those three words you couldn't help but giggle at his confession. He furrowed his brows in confusion almost a bit offended at your reaction.

"What's so funny?! You know I’m trying to confess my undying love for you and this is the thanks I get-" He was ready to protest.

"Spencer I'm not laughing at your confession. I'm laughing at the fact that you got all nervous just to tell me that? I already know that you love me but it does feel nice to hear it out loud." You say nonchalantly and you could have sworn his jaw dropped at your words.

"How did you know? I mean this makes no sense at all I made sure to keep it a secret-" He was seriously in awe at how you could have figured out something so simple it even made him scratch his head.

"Spencer it's very simple to explain, this is our love language," Your hands slid down to hold both of his and intertwine your fingers with his as you pause a moment to savor every bit of how he was so focused on listening to you.

"I'm sure you have already heard of the five types of love languages. All the things we do for each other every day are all acts of love and even though we might not say it out loud in words actions speak louder," Your fingers traced small patterns on the back of his hand as he gave you a small smile.

"Every time you tell me how beautiful I am, when you clean the whole house for me, when we cuddle watching movies together, when you come home with my favorite dessert because you know I've had a bad day and cheesecake is the only way to cure my sadness and when you hold my hand or kiss me, those are all things that reassure me that you love me. You don't have to be some big-shot FBI Behavior Analyst to see we are in love Spencer."

"Wow...you literally just blew my mind-" He utters under his breath impressed by you but mostly surprised how you really do love him and that everything he does for you and you for him, that the little things don't go unnoticed.

"I don't want to toot my own horn but I tend to do that." You flash him a little smirk.

"Then how about you show me other ways you can blow my mind some more, hmm?" Spencer hummed as he leaned in closer to whisper into your ear, his fingers reaching to push a strand of hair behind it. The look in his eyes shifted from a soft brown to now a deep ocean of brown that was filled with lust.

"I see how it is, you want to jump right to dessert?" You question in a playful tone as your hands pressed themselves against his chest, playing with the ends of his tie between your fingers.

"You know I have a sweet tooth and I want to put one of those love languages to use," He says as his hands travel to touch the sides of your neck, grazing against your skin and sliding their way down to your waist slowly twisting your hips to his will while taking a few steps forward until your ass hit the edge of the desk.

"And which love language would that be exactly Spence?" Your fingers entangled in his tie and pulled him closer while you jumped up to sit on top of his desk.

"I think you already know which one I'm talking about." He took the opportunity to nudge himself into the open space you had made by parting your legs so he could fit and be even closer.

"Then why don't you just show me already, hmm?" You hummed back as if challenging him to take action and he sure didn't waste any time.

Before you knew it Spencer was crashing his lips into yours. His kiss is a bit more aggressive than normal, the force of it tilting your body to bend back. You feel your legs go weak but his arm quickly flexes to catch you from falling completely back onto the desk. His lips coax yours open with little effort as you're hardly putting up any resistance at this point. The flavor of bitter coffee is rich on his tongue as it swipes against yours. His teeth catch your lips in bites, groans, and moans caught in one another's mouth. You could feel his hair tickling your forehead and cheeks while you adjust the tilt of your head changing the angle of the kiss to be even deeper.

A few seconds more and you both pull away from one another's lips, gasping for air. Your lips feel swollen, breathing rapid, face tinted pink. You're pleased to find Spencer was left in equally the same state, taking deep breaths, lips slick and tinted with your favorite shade of lipstick.

You decided to heat things up even more by taking action and wrapping his tie around your small nimble fingers, yanking him forward. His eyes widen in surprise briefly as his smirk falls from his face just as your lips crash into his. This time you work your tongue into his mouth. Your kisses prove to be more teasing and playful than before.

Spencer responds by wrapping his arms around you. Your free hand travels down his body, appreciating and pressing against the taut muscles and harsh lines beneath his button-down shirt. He pulls away for a moment to show attention to your neck which was in dire need of being marked by his lips and teeth. You were ashamed to admit how much you loved when he left his little mark on you, showing to everyone you were his and only his. You tilted your head back enjoying the way he softly bit into your skin and would lick over the small bruises he created. He groans into the crook of your neck as your hands travel down his body, his hips pressing into you and you could already feel his growing erection through his slacks, brushing your inner thigh through the material of your skirt which you had already taken the liberty of hiking up.

His hands coursed over your body, running along your back, grasping your shoulders, weaving into your hair, gripping your hips and tilting them towards him, his body causing yours to twist and turn in ways that only his touch could do to you. You feel a rush of adrenaline run through your veins and for some reason even though sex with Spencer was always an exhilarating experience for some reason becoming all undone on top of his desk seemed so scandalous. Dare you say it might have even been a forbidden fantasy of yours with him.

Your fingers rake through his curls cradling his head close to your neck as he slowly travels downwards, his hands pushing the lacey fabric of your blouse to the side giving him more access to your neck and collarbone. His fingers fumbled with the buttons until he lost his patience and ripped it entirely off your body until you were left in only your bra. A loud gasp left your lips at his mere strength.

"What? I hate buttons." He quickly comments pausing the assault he is currently doing to your neck.

"T-That was my favorite blouse, Spencer." You try to say in defense but who are you kidding you didn't give a damn you wanted him to keep on kissing down your body till he reached the one place you needed him most.

"I'll just buy you a new one." His voice was already raspy while continuing to place kisses on your skin, one by one the more he seemed to travel and you leaned back giving him more access.

"You're lucky that I love you enough not to care too much-" Your sentence interrupted when his fingers quickly unzipped your skirt and he flung it behind him. His lips made their way downwards kissing your thigh and down your leg, his hands delicately lifted your leg up into the air, taking off your high heels and letting them drop with a loud clack onto the floor.

He runs fingers caressing your skin as he fluttered peppered kisses back up to your inner thigh. He kneeled down on his knees to be face to face with your heat. His hands crept their way to the edges of your panties and slowly pulled them down your legs, painfully slow might you add. It made you even hotter seeing him like this, worshiping you like a goddess.

"S-Spence I really need you-" A loud moan escaped your lips when he finally touched you, he knew all the spots that drove you crazy.

"Someone sure is eager, huh?" He quipped right back while looking up at you through hooded eyelids, loving the undone expression on your face and he wasn't even working his magic yet.

"Spencer, please." You begged through heavy breaths.

He started off with long laps of his tongue, fully tasting you, all of you. He'd break away every so often showing love to your inner thighs with peppered kisses. He'd build up your pleasure and pull away before you could be fully pushed over the edge. His skillful tongue circled your clit as your moans became high-pitched. You squeezed your eyes closed and rutted your hips up against his tongue hungry for more. Your hands found his curly brown locks, guiding him to continue pleasuring you and he groaned as you pulled at the roots.

You let a slew of curse words mixed with the way you kept saying his name over and over again fly from your mouth. He liked the sounds that came from you so he thrusted his tongue inside of you.

“Have I ever told you…” another broad lick, this one faster than the last, “… that I love the way you taste?” You could have sworn your heart skipped a beat hearing the way those words come from his lips.

You’re incapable of forming words let alone a whole sentence, your body strained from the rise and fall of almost coming undone. You bite your lip and give what you hope is a nod, knowing he’s watching you from down below. He lets out a moan as he sucks on your clit and your head falls back while tugging on his hair, your legs resting on top of his shoulders as you clutch him closer locking him in that position.

"I'm so close-" You barely were able to get out as he just relentlessly continued to pleasure you with his tongue.

You came, crying out his name, you were pretty sure your moans and screams were echoing all across the office, thank god nobody was there to see or else you would have been embarrassed beyond belief. He kept licking stripes up and down your slit, lapping up your cum as your legs squeezed around his shoulders. He pulled away for a moment to take a breath, cleaning the glistening liquid from his lips with the back of his hand.

"You definitely blew more than just my mind right now." You struggled to say between heavy labored breaths while you watched Spencer get up off his knees and hastily pulling at the knot in his tie to yank it off while he somehow patiently unbuttoned his own shirt, shimming it off his shoulders.

"You better get ready to have it be blown again." His fingers quickly went to his belt buckle and undoing it just enough for his erection to pop out.

He aligned his hips with yours as you just watched him slowly bring himself closer. His cock laid flat up against the small bit of lower abs that Spencer had been working on building up, he bit his lip seeing you so unraveled and needy for him. His lips found their way back to yours, his tongue pressing up against yours making sure you could taste remnants of yourself on his lips. The way he kissed you was passionate yet rough it was like nothing you had ever experienced, maybe it was the fact that it was Valentine's day who knows but Spencer had dialed up his tactics and you weren't complaining either.  Your hands had found a place to rest on his shoulders, giving you the right position to keep him close. He pressed just a bit harder into kissing you, his teeth grazing your lower lip catching it and biting it in response as he started to get desperate.

"Fuck Spencer, I need you...please..." You said practically begging at this point as you craved to have his cock inside you.

"Shit...I love you so much Y/N." He declared almost with a smug look on his face knowing exactly what he was going to do next. Your legs were already feeling like jelly but you had found enough strength to pull his hips closer.

"Then show me how much," You whispered into the close space between your bodies.

Without warning his cock filled you completely in one stroke, the head brushing against your wet slit as it entered you. You squeezed your eyes shut as his length stretched your walls. He drew his hips back and then thrust back into you. Gasps and whines fell from your lips as he fucked you. You drew arbitrary patterns on his biceps with the pads of your fingers. Your toes curled as he slammed into you over and over again. His hands gripped the desk underneath you as he struggled to steady himself with each and every thrust the faster he went in and out of you. His nose nuzzled into your neck as he struggled to hold back his groans of pleasure.

For a moment his thrusts slowed but went deeper into you as you were being fucking into oblivion on top of his desk. His hands went from having a grip on your hips trailing slowly up to holding your hand, entwining your fingers with his as he took his sweet time bringing you to your climax at a slower pace. Everything felt like it was in slow-mo as his cock stroked along your g-spot, coaxing your orgasm to come faster. You could feel your core coiling up and about to burst. You squeezed his hand even harder while your moans filled the air and his head buried into your neck littering your neck once again with lovebites dark enough to leave marks the next morning.

"Cum for me...Y/N..." He had whispered into your ear, it flushing red with each and every word he had said.

You had cursed his name under your breath as your whole core had tensed up for just a moment while you came. His hips were still thrusting into yours as you rode out your high and you could feel him release inside of you, your fingers relaxed against his as you released his hand from yours. Both of your breaths were heavy and panting. His head leaned against your shoulder while your back was arched against the desk holding the both of you up. Your legs had tightened around his waist keeping him close to you while your bodies seemed to entangle with each other, his arms quickly embracing you.

Your hands went to cradle his head close to your chest as you played with his curly locks loving how soft his hair was.

"I love you, Spencer, so so much." That was all you had the strength to say while your breathing started to even out.

"Me too-" His voice cracked still trying to catch his breath.

"The best Valentine's day I could ever ask for." Your comment seemed to echo followed by an exhausted chuckle.

"I'm really glad you enjoyed it but you know I'm not done with you yet." He lifted his head to finally look you in the eyes as he disconnected your bodies letting you have a minute to fix yourself as he picked up the discarded clothing on the floor.

Your eyes still wandered while observing him get dressed as you swung your legs back and forth sitting on his desk, patiently waiting but also coming up with how you could keep the energy of tonight going for as long as possible.

"How about we eat some food first since by now I'm sure it's cold and then I can show you some more ways I can blow your mind...physically that is." You raised your eyebrows at him and he snickered to himself slowly walking over to you and cupping your cheeks in his hands.

"Sounds like a plan my love." He quickly kissed your lips with a grin on his face.

For the rest of the night, you two sat at his desk enjoying each other's company while you chow down on your favorite foods. Spencer went on through explaining how he really set up this whole elaborate plan to surprise you and you smiled along knowing that you were going to keep falling more and more in love with the man right in front of you. As he rambled on and on his voice started to fade into the background as you started to reflect that if every Valentine's day was going to be like this you wouldn't have it any other way and you could proudly say that your first Valentine's day was a success. You realized that didn't need a day dedicated to show how much you loved Spencer because in reality you had been doing so every day and you hoped to keep doing so for many more years to come.

[saintrvckwell]

Not on my knees quite yet, but I was a fool back then (ellie williams x reader) 

ellie williams x fem!reader

summary: ellie would've saved a lot of time if she stopped avoiding uncomfortable conversations

warnings: angst!, swearing, slight nsfw (kissing), ellie's being a d!ck from time to time

words count: 9.1k

a/n: the last piece i published made cry while writing so naturally (and gladly!) this one made me smile — and laugh. i'm sucker for this sort of trope and i figured i owe you something a lil happier after my previous work. i hope you didn't forget about me.

also! this si an angst and comedic gold at the same time. lol enjoy!

"did I let you down before i can make my peace? so if you're listening now, could you hear me out at least?"

•

The sun was already down, leaving the moon take its rightful spot. Your boyfriend’s touch was lingering your shoulder as you stood in his living room, mind drifting away from the conversation you were a part of just a second ago. With a polite smile on your face until you caught a sight of her.  There, on the other side of the room, leaning against the wall with a cup of beer in her hand, looking right at you. More than anything, you wanted to press your lips against hers. To stop the world around from spinning. To satisfy that little desire of yours. 

Yet you couldn’t. 

Because that’s not what friends do. And that is what you and Ellie mutually agreed to be. Without realising how much of impossible quest you had given to each other. 

It wasn’t always like that. Not so long ago, staring into her eyes without falling even harder wouldn’t seen so impossible. But not so long ago, the two of you were just friends. Two people who might have been impeccably good at hiding their likings. Two people who used to spend every minute of their days with each other. But those two people truly sucked at having uncomfortable conversations. 

And somehow ended up here. 

“Is everything okay?” your boyfriend’s voice pulled you back to reality, finally breaking off the eye contact with Ellie. 

Your eyes locked, seeing a hint of concern glancing in his. Smile crept up on your lips, sending a nonverbal answers for his worried mind. 

“Do you want a beer?” he asked, offering his cup. 

“No, it’s alright. I'm going to get some water,” you shook your head. 

“Y/N?”

Before you made a single move, his hand swiftly reached out for yours, stopping you. There it was again, the concern. 

“I’m fine,” you smiled, dedicating him the most believable form of fake smile you had in store. 

And once you managed to get out of his sight, you let a frustrated sigh out of your mouth. Closing the kitchen door, you got yourself a few minutes of peace. Few minutes to sort out your shit and pull yourself together. Before he will grow more suspicious, if that was even possible. 

You were here with your boyfriend. Yet you couldn’t stop thinking about her. And those words she shared with you on patrol. 

The two of you hitting the road wasn’t something unusual. Quite the contrary. You and Ellie took almost all of the patrols together, feeling the most safest around the other. From time to time, you ended up taking a route with someone else due to Maria’s schedule system. And although the townsmen of Jackson knew their way around guns, you never felt as comfortable as when you went out with her. You knew each other’s tactics to very last detail. You worked so well together. 

Every other day, just not today. 

Due to awkwardness that’s been floating over your friendship like a dark cloud, you ended having multiple close calls. Usual encounters with runners and clickers that you would handle without a single worry seemed almost lethal this time. The miscommunication and unfinished business you’ve been avoiding for weeks took its toll on you. And had you walking home without a single bullet left in your pocket. 

“I had it under control,” Ellie muttered, anger covered in her words.

“You didn’t have it under control,” you retorted, visibly not in the mood to be having a conversation with her. 

It was supposed be a usual route to check out the stores in a town nearby. One of the shops, a book store, ended up being full of infected. Something that became absolutely normal for you to come across. The two of you wanted to clear the space stealthy, just with different tactics. Both of you went separate directions, unintentionally drawing the attention of runners with your chaotic way of communication. A second later you were quite literally fighting for your own lives with shouted insults filling the air. 

Ellie wanted to run out through a little office space at the back of the store which led to emergency exit while you wanted to go back and took the main entrance since there was too many of runners for you to handle without any casualties. Ellie, as stubborn as she usually was, disagreed with you. More specifically, she didn’t even let you express your disapproval. She simply headed back there, with your yelling echoing the room. You managed to shoot down two more runners when you heard Ellie’s sudden cry for help. 

Needless to say, the worst appeared in your mind. You didn’t know which one of those catastrophic scenarios would be worse. Ellie being dead or bitten with the necessity of you to shoot her to prevent her from suffering? Thankfully, none of those turned out to be reality as you succeeded to save Ellie in the last second. 

Lying on the floor with clicker on top of her, Ellie was trying to reach for her gun tossed in corner of the office room. Not waisting any time, two of your bullets went through that clicker’s head, drops of blood splatted on Ellie’s freckled cheeks. You didn’t even have time to give her proper shit about it. Instead of that, you grabbed the gun, pulled her up and grabbed her hand, getting both of you out of that bookstore. 

As if that wasn’t enough. Once you were back on the street, barricading the main entrance with literally everything suitable, you needed to patch ourselves up. You headed to pharmacy two stores away, hoping to find something usable. You were on foot today and Jackson was more than an hour of walk away. You opened the door, letting the guard down for a second and stepped on the glass shattered on the floor. Ellie’s scream pulled you back to reality, as well as her hand, literally pushing you out of the store. Falling on the cold pavement, you looked at Ellie firing her last shots. 

“Motherfucker,” she mumbled, putting her gun back into her thigh holster.

You spotted the clicker bleeding out on the floor. Worse than that was just that banging coming from the bookstore, letting you both be aware of the fact that the barricade won’t hold for too long. 

“Fuck,” Ellie hissed as she turned to you. “Let’s go,” she walked past you. “Or do you wanna sit around and wait for a bite?” 

She was unbearable. 

As a matter of fact, that’s how you ended up fighting. Halfway to Jackson, because of her snarky attitude and your habit of not letting shit go. 

“I had it under control,” she stopped, looking right at you, fists clenched as she tried to surpass her anger. 

“No you didn’t,” you repeated your previous words — this time with much more resistance. “Because if you had it under control, I wouldn't have to jump over there and save your fucking ass!” 

“Like you’re the one to talk,” she laughed sarcastically. “Why the fuck did you go to that pharmacy in the first place? Previous close call wasn’t enough? Are you feeling suicidal today? Otherwise I can’t explain that fucking reckless decision of yours!” 

“I wanted to find us some bandages!” you explained, pointing you to multiple scratches on Ellie’s hands. 

“How generous of you,” she spoke ironically. “You’re such an idiot, truly.” 

“Am I what?” you whispered. 

“An idiot,” she repeated her words and took a step closer. “An actual idiot.” 

You couldn’t help but laugh over her affectedness. “Well, I’m sorry that I tried to help you!”

“I didn’t ask for it!”

“You’re such a pain in the ass today, seriously. We should’ve taken the main entrance as I told you—“

“Are you seriously going to turn this into a lecture?” she wasn’t even trying to hide her sarcasm. “Do you really feel like you’re in the position to be giving me shit about my bad decisions? You?” 

“What is that supposed to mean?!” you snapped, hands crossed over your chest. 

Ellie stopped for a second and took a deep breath, probably rethinking her whole dedication to have this conversation right now. 

“Nothing, let it go.” 

She responded quietly, breaking off the eye contact and getting back on the road. She didn’t bother to wait for you. In fact, you stood there for another five minutes, watching her silhouette disappear out of your sight. She arrived at the east gate without you, completely ignoring Jesse’s concerned voice asking her about your whereabouts. You arrived twenty minutes after her, not as furious as when she left you there. Mostly just confused by her words. Not in the mood to have a conversation with Jesse, who was visibly puzzled over your and Ellie’s strange behaviour. 

After that uncomfortable patrol, you headed home. Lately, it has been more than odd between the two of you. Even though you’ve made an agreement to be just friends, it didn’t seem like any side would be particularly pleased with that choice. In fact, it only made you more distant. This was just the final nail in the coffin for your friendship. 

You were so mad at her. Mad because no matter what shit she caused, it wouldn’t change the way you felt about her. She could’ve behaved like an absolute asshole, yet would still think of her. You would still give her a chance. Your feelings for Ellie weren’t leaving anytime soon. Which, in the end, made you feel horribly. Considering the fact that your affection towards your boyfriend was nowhere near the one towards Ellie. 

You already felt like the worst person after what you and Ellie did — what ultimately led to this mess. 

Obie was your rebound. Your distraction. Someone who appeared in your life, willing to give you that kind of love you desired to receive from her. And for a moment, you wanted to make this work — while Ellie was dating Cat. During that period of time, the two of you almost never hung out, rather avoided each other.

You’ve been thinking about it for weeks — about that night. About doing the right thing — accepting the consequences. You just didn’t have the guts to do it. You planned it for some time, yet failed every attempt to do so. But Obie wasn’t an idiot and soon enough picked up on your weird behaviour. That’s why he asked you to come tonight. To have fun with him and his friends. 

Which didn’t include Ellie. But she somehow managed to show up here and made you feel even worse. Again. 

You were aware of that poor choice of timing. Yet you couldn’t wait any longer. Appearing back in the living room, you grabbed Obie’s hand, quietly urging him to stop the conversation and head out with you. Taking a quick look around the room, your eyes met with hers. Noticing your intertwined fingers, she drew up, watching you both carefully as you fled the scene. 

Sitting on the stairs on Obie's back porch, second thoughts crept in. As bad as it might sound, Obie represented an insurance. Insurance for you that even if you can’t be with Ellie, you have someone who’s willing to give you the kind of love you demanded. And in some ways, he was your friend. Your occasional patrol partner. And you didn’t to prolong this. More than you already did. 

As soon as you let a frustrated sigh out of your mouth, Obie already knew where this was headed. 

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled, feeling too cowardly to look into his eyes. “I really am. I’m aware of the fact that you most likely won’t believe me, though you have every single right for it, but I never meant to hurt you. That wasn’t my intention.” 

“What was it then?” he looked up at you, confused. 

“You liked me,” you whispered. “And I thought that by giving it a chance, I could eventually like you the same way. But I don’t. And you deserve someone who will.” 

“I hope you’re not planning on giving me that heartfelt speech of how much I deserve to be loved,” he mumbled sarcastically. “You should’ve ended this right away.” 

“I know,” you nodded with your tail between your legs. “And I’m sorry.” 

“Well, I guess she’s the winner, after all,” he muttered, getting your attention. 

A confusion was drawn over your face. “What are you talking about?” 

“Ellie?” he laughed. “Don’t tell me you’re so blinded by your own affection that you didn’t notice how much she’s pining for you.”

“She’s not—“ you stopped. “Ellie’s not interested in me. Not like that.” 

“The least you could do right now, is stop lying to me.” 

“I’m not lying to you,” opposed.

“You’re just embarrassing yourself,” he laughed to himself. “Why do you think I brought you here tonight? To prove my point. And I succeeded the second I saw how you were looking at each other. Or did you really think you’re so inconspicuous? Don’t even try to tell me that nothing happened between the two of you. Even if you do, it doesn’t matter anymore. 'Cause I am done with this. With you.” 

“Obie—“

Before you attempted to finish your sentence, the door swung open, letting someone else to join your conversation. 

“There you are!” Jesse exclaimed happily. “We’re gonna play some games, are you guys joining us?” he asked curiously, overlooking the tension between you and Obie. 

Obie didn’t wait a single second. He stood up and left to room in a matter of seconds while you sat there, replaying your previous choice in your mind. 

“Are you going or not?” Jesse’s voice pulled you back to reality. 

You nodded quietly and followed him. 

“Did I interrupted something?” Jesse asked while the two of you walked through the hallway to Obie’s living room. “You guys seemed to be in the middle of—“

“Jesse, can I ask you something?” you blurred out, stopping in the middle of a hallway. 

Curiousness in his eyes served as a nonverbal kind of answer you were looking for. 

“You, Dina and Ellie went out last night, right?” you asked. 

During your morning patrol with Dina, she casually brought up their plan for the evening. She mentioned her, Jesse and Ellie were heading out for a few. She tried to persuade you to join them but staying home felt like a more suitable option for you. You’ve already declined Obie’s offer to go out that morning, when he walked you to stables. 

Jesse nodded. 

“Obie mentioned he was going out with other guys from patrol team. This might sound strange but… do know if Ellie and Obie ran into each other? More specifically — if something happened between them?”

“Hell yeah, I was actually starting to get a little worried, for Obie, of course. He made a few comments and you know Ellie. She wouldn’t just let it go and leave. They had an argument and it escalated into Maria and Tommy pulling them apart before Ellie managed to break his nose, in the better case,” he clarified. “Weren’t you patrolling with her this morning? I’m surprised she didn’t tell you. Considering how much she hates his guts.” 

Somehow, Ellie’s behaviour made much more sense now. 

“What did he say to her?” you mumbled impatiently, craving for answers. 

Jesse sighed, visibly not feeling comfortable in this conversation. “Listen, it’s none of my business. You gotta ask one of them.” 

“C’mon man!” you whined. “You can’t just leave me hanging!” 

“I didn’t hear much of their altercation. But from the parts that I caught, I reckon it was about you. It got pretty ugly for a second, before Maria interfered.”  

You were given what you had asked for, unsure whether this was the sort of answer you wanted. 

A few seconds later, you and Jesse joined others in the living room. Not many people left, mostly just guys from your age group at patrols. Majority of them, including Obie, were sitting on the sofa, except for Dina and Jesse who were snuggling on one of the chairs. And Ellie, who’s presence was somehow different this time — more pleasant. After what you learned from Jesse about the incident, you felt a bit guilty for snapping at her this morning. 

Although the reasons for your actions were justified. It was the anger and frustration bubbling inside you for the past few weeks that got triggered by Ellie’s stubborn persona and her need to have the last word. You had every single right to be furious with her, but right now — you couldn’t bring yourself to it. 

So when your eyes were struggling to find hers, minute after you appeared inside, your heart sunk deep into your stomach. You wondered if seeing you and Obie disappear was the straw for her. If this was all she needed to be done with you. Maybe she left, choosing the comfort of her little shed in Joel’s backyard. A part of you wanted to run after her. To get the answers, to stop this madness. 

Until you found her. Coming from the kitchen, she immediately saw you. A momentary smile was brought to your lips over that sudden sight of her. A momentary smile that she managed to spot and frown, confused. 

Redness in your cheeks forced you to look away and sit down on the carpet, trying hard to avoid locking eyes with her. Unfortunately for you, her steps led to the same place you took. With all the space left to choose, she still sat down right next to you, her thigh casually brushing against yours, sending shivers down your spine.  You didn’t dare to look at her, though you knew her eyes were all over you. 

When you finally took the courage to do so, your eyes met with Obie’s. The kindness was gone for good once you spotted the viciousness aimed at you while his eyes danced from yours to Ellie’s.

Then Dina offered to play spin the bottle. The four of you had your own version, mostly just forcing the chosen one to do the stupidest shits for fun. The fact that this wasn’t the silly version you created in Ellie’s house became obvious the second Obie made his turn. This version, completely followed by his rules somehow turned to be his own form of vendetta. 

Especially once the bottle pointed at Ellie. 

“Fuck me,” she cursed under her breath. 

Point of the original game was simple. The one spinning the bottle chooses the task for the selected one. Nothing's off limits and in case the player decides to refuse to finish demanded task, they have to handle a piece of clothing as a form of penalty. 

“I’m all in for happy endings,” that smile pictured over his face reminded you of Cheshire Cat. 

Ellie sighed with annoyance, definitely not having the time of her life. 

“So how about you give that best friend of yours a little kiss? Or a big one. That’s totally up to you,” he grinned, sipping from his cup of beer. Visibly proud of what he was trying to achieve. “I’ll watch it anyway.” 

For a second, you thought you might deserved to get this treatment from him. He was hurt by your actions. But not in any case, he had a single right to take out his anger on Ellie.

You stole a glance at her and noticed she was taking off one of her Converse sneaker. Without a single word, she tossed it right at him. 

Cold sweat covered your body, realising what she just did.

Obie caught her shoe, slimy grimace on his face. 

“And to think you wanted to break my nose for this,” he laughed, shaking his head. “Guess it wasn’t worth it after all. If this is what you want, then I'm happy for that sudden change of heart. But spare a thought for your best friend, she probably just got her heart broken.” 

As soon as those words left his mouth, Ellie’s eyes met with yours, noticing the slight disappointment you tried so hard to cover up. You looked away, taking a deep breath. You didn’t want to make this any more embarrassing — knowing that’s exactly what Obie was hoping to achieve. Getting up and storming out the house wouldn’t be the smartest choice considering your current reputation so you stayed. Trying so hard to avoid Dina and Jesse’s confused looks pointed at you and Ellie. 

As the rounds went on, so did the tasks. Dina and Jesse had to make-out which seemed rather ridiculous to you, considering they were doing this 24/7, mostly to annoyance of others. You sat on the floor uncomfortably, watching the two of them almost eat each other’s faces. For a second, you caught a sight of Ellie who shared mutual feelings till the moment she spotted you. Disgust was replaced with concern before you turned away. 

For some reason, the bottle never pointed at you, much to Obie’s obvious disgruntlement. Must have been a blessing in disguise that saved you from one of his vicious tasks. Ellie, on the other hand, wasn’t as lucky as you. And whenever the bottle stopped at her, Obie happened to be the one choosing the tasks. The second time she was dared, he ordered her to answers how many of her girl-friends she had kissed to which she replied by taking off her other shoe.

By the time the clock turned twelve, Ellie ended up totally barefoot, losing even her socks. You couldn’t help but wonder why did she choose to stay? Knowing how much she despised him, you thought she’d leave after that first task he came up with. But she stayed, losing pieces of her clothing as she refused to give him what he wanted. 

It couldn't even be more embarrassing for you. Another two tasks ended up being somehow connected to your and Ellie’s relationship. You hated yourself for how much you told him about the two of you as it has become the perfect weapon for him to use. Making this whole night an unbearable experience for the both of you, but mostly Ellie. Who got the worst of it. 

Eventually, he ran out of ideas. So when Jesse proposed to play seven minutes in heaven — right after Ellie got most of her belongings back, he couldn’t be more pleased with that offer. Obie as per usual, had to have his own rules. He declared to be the one choosing the couples to go into his pantry. Knowing how much he was enjoying the situation, you expected the worst outcome. 

You sighed, looked right at him, sitting in the middle of the sofa, looking around to find his next target. The second his eyes landed on you, there wasn’t any pleasing result coming out of this. 

“How about you, Y/N?” he asked, fake sympathy in his voice. “I feel like you’ve been pretty neglected tonight,” he mentioned, eyes pointing at Ellie. 

You knew she was looking at you, but didn’t dare to assure yourself of that assumption. 

“How about we spin the bottle to find your—“ he didn’t even finish his sentence. 

Especially the second Ellie grabbed your hand and pull you up with her, forcing you to almost trip over your own feet. 

“No need for that,” she mumbled, not even bothering to look at him. 

Instead of that, she dragged out through to hallway, right into his kitchen. Letting the anger bubble up.

“Could you slow down?” you uttered, trying to stop Ellie. 

Though she heard you, she didn’t bother to obey. Once she reached the pantry, she opened the door and pushed you in, her hand still holding yours. 

“You do realise you could’ve just closed the kitchen door? We didn’t have to be stuck in here,” you whispered. “It’s not like he is going to get his ass out there to check it out.” 

There wasn’t even the slightest concern towards your words. Instead of that she dropped your hand, taking a step closer to you, not leaving you any room for potential disagreement. Instead of that, she filled every inch of your comfort zone with her presence, grabbed your cheeks and pressed her lips against yours. 

Without a single warning. 

It lasted a second. A second that still managed to make it feel like a lifetime. A second that brought up all those memories from that night. That night that caused the two of you to grow apart.

It was shortly after Ellie called it quits with Cat. That evening you were at Joel’s house. You and Jesse offered to help move around some furniture in his living room and ended up having a dinner with him, Tommy and Maria. And, surprisingly, Ellie showed up. Overwhelmed with everything that happened over the past few days, she decided to accept Joel’s offer to join. She initially went there for new patrol schedule Maria left at his place. But once she saw you there, she couldn’t leave. 

It was for the first time in weeks that the two of you got to talk. Both of you knew you needed to sort things out, once and for all. And Joel’s dinner turned out to be the best opportunity for it. You spent the whole dinner chatting and enjoying each other’s presence the way you used to. After that, Ellie spontaneously offered you to spend a night at her place, reviving one your oldest traditions. 

“I didn’t bring my stuff with me,” you laughed while you were standing on Joel’s back porch. 

“That didn’t stop you before,” she grinned. “I can lend you my space t-shirt.” 

Your eyes lightened. Ellie’s space t-shirt was a piece of clothing that you absolutely adored. Blue shirt with solar system that Ellie found in one of the stores nearby during one of your patrols. Both of you had your eyes on it and she offered to sort the true winner with a game. So you rock-paper-scissored it and Ellie won. Though you were still convinced she was cheating which was why she never lent it to you. 

“You mean the one I rightfully deserve?”

“Since when?” she mumbled sarcastically. “Are you gonna mention that—“

“That you cheated? Yes, I will,” you laughed. “Ellie you had paper and changed it to scissors in the last minute—“

“If I lend you that t-shirt, will you finally shut up about it?” she stopped you by stepping closer, smile dancing on her lips. 

An hour later you were sitting on Ellie’s bed. You decided to watch one of her all time favourite movies but just after twenty minutes in, Ellie confessed she broke things off with Cat. Out of nowhere, she spilled it, forcing you to stop the movie and take a proper look at her. She explained you how this was the right call and she’s okay — because that’s what you wanted to know in the first place. If she was alright. 

The two of you weren’t the most affectionate kind of friends but you couldn’t help this time. You moved closer, crossing to her part of the bed and leaned closer. Whispering a quiet sorry you pulled Ellie into a hug, knowing damn well you should’ve kept your distance considering your own unresolved feelings towards that auburn haired girl. 

This was an exception you had to make. Her hands immediately wrapped around your waist, pulling you even closer, your bodies brushing against each other. You were lying there in the darkness on Ellie’s side of the bed while her hands stayed pressed on your body parts. You felt her lingering touch on your hip and realised, now more than ever, how much you like being closer to her, physically. She was right behind you with her face snuggled into your neck and breath dancing on your skin, sending shivers down your spine. 

You knew this wasn’t what friends were supposed to do. Yet there wasn’t a single bone in your body that would pull away from this. You slowly closed your eyes, trying to keep this memory of the two of you in your mind. 

When Ellie broke off the silence. 

“I saw you around town with Obie,” she whispered. “Jesse said that you guys are dating.” 

The last thing you wanted to talk about was Obie. Obie who served as your form of escape from your feelings towards Ellie. 

“We went out a few times, it’s fresh,” you mumbled, noticing the grip around your waist has loosened. 

Cold sweat covered your body. You didn’t want to lose her, in any way. Physically or mentally. 

“I don’t know if we’re dating. Nor if I want to,” you whispered. 

“Why’d say that?” Ellie wondered. 

“Let’s just say the first kiss wasn’t something I’d want to repeat,” you uttered, hearing Ellie’s muffled laugh. 

You turned around, curious to see her reaction. A grin pictured on her face was enough for you to roll your eyes. 

“I knew he was a bad kisser,” she grinned.

You laughed sarcastically. “How the hell would you know that?” 

“Because he’s a guy,” she shrugged her shoulders. “Guys are not good at kissing. At least not as good as me.” 

“Alright, Ms. Pretentious,” you shook your head, still laughing. “I think Dina would disagree with that statement.”  

“That’s because she never kissed me,” Ellie winked at you.

A second later, the two of you burst into laughter. 

“Poor Dina then,” you mumbled, wiping away your tears dramatically. “Poor me. If only I had kissed you before I had that horrendous first kiss—“

“Wait,” she stopped you. “It was your first kiss?” that pure shock in her voice confused you. 

“Yeah, I just told you that my first kissed sucked,” you laughed. 

“But I thought you meant first kiss with him,” she shook her head. “Not that it was your first first kiss.” 

Silence settled across the room once again. 

“Man, that really ruined the whole mood,” she mumbled. 

Unbelievable gasp left your mouth. You reached for the pillow underneath you, hitting Ellie in the face. 

“Hey!” she grabbed the pillow, laughing. “It’s not my fault you have poor taste in men.” 

“Fuck you,” you frowned, turning your back at her.

Ellie’s hand touched your shoulder as she tried to turn you around. 

“C’mon, Y/N,” she chuckled. “It was a joke.” 

“If I have a poor taste in men, then you surely have a poor sense of humour.” 

She giggled, enjoying the situation. She gave it a few tries to force you to look at her but ended up lying down next to you, defeated. 

“Let me make it up to you,” she whispered, catching your attention. 

It was the curiousness that led you to turn to her face, just a few inches away from yours. The closeness between your faces was driving you crazy. Adrenalin was running through your veins the second her hot breath brushed against your lips. You tried more than ever to keep your shit together while looking into her eyes. 

“How?” you dared to ask. 

“By giving you the kind of first kiss you deserve.” 

You heart skipped a beat. 

Now more than ever, you had to hold it together. 

“I already had that one,” you whispered. 

“Yeah well, how about I give you mine as well,” she moved closer, devilish grin settling on her face. “Then, you can decide which one was better.” 

You’d be foolish to have any sort of objections. Considering the fact how much you wished for her to be your first kiss. How much you wished for her to look at you the way she used to look at Cat. How much you wanted Ellie to love you. The way you loved her. 

That tension was undeniable. Ellie slowly leaned closer to your face, the tips of your noses almost touching. She was observing every single detail of your appearance, not rushing anywhere. Even the smallest birthmark seemed interesting enough for her at this moment. You’ve never felt so vulnerable. So loved as you did the moment her lips met with yours, causing an immeasurable amount of arousal explode in your body. 

Understanding the fact that it was your first, proper kiss, she tried her best to make you feel as comfortable as possible. You always knew she was much more experienced than you which, in the end, made you feel better. Feeling that gentle touch of hers, feel her lips moving against yours. Whatever your idea was it wasn’t half as good as the reality. Reality that dawned on you the moment she pulled away. 

Still staying closer, she licked her bottom lip, letting that devilish grin back. 

“So?” she asked, already sensing what answer she’s getting. “Which one of your first kisses turned out to be better?” 

And you wanted to get back at her so badly. 

“Tough call,” you confessed.

Your words brought sudden confusion to her eyes. 

Didn’t take her long to realise what you were up to. 

“Tough call, you say?” she repeated your words, starting to close the distance, again. “Think I need another try to show you who’s the obvious winner.” 

“I think you do.” 

This time, she wasn’t holding back. Within seconds, she was sweeping her tongue between your lips, forcing a quiet moan to leave your mouth. She smiled to herself, grabbing both of your cheeks to pull you closer and deepen the kiss. You couldn’t describe any of those feelings running through your veins. A wave of arousal exploded in your body every time her tongue brushed against yours. More than anything, you were craving Ellie. Craving her touch, craving her kisses. 

One kiss turned into another and before you knew it, you were sitting right on top of her, passionately kissing her while her hands were discovering the unknown places of your skin. That night you lost almost all your boundaries. Nothing would’ve stopped you from reciprocating every single kiss of hers. Shortly before sunrise, you fell asleep with Ellie tight grip around your waist and her lips tracking every inch of your neck. 

Hoping this feeling of euphoria would last forever. 

That, of course, required Ellie not to disappear in the morning. When you woke up, shortly after eleven, Ellie’s side of the bed was empty. Not leaving a single note behind, she took off. As the yesterday's remorse was slowly taking its rightful spot, you grabbed your belongings and left her house. You were supposed to see Obie that night as the two of you planned to have another date yet it seemed as Ellie’s presence wasn’t leaving your mind anytime soon. 

As well as the unknown reason as for why she ghosted you. Though, you can’t say that your actions would be telling a different story. Not knowing how to face what you did, you accepted the same kind of tactic — pretending as if it never happened. Which, turned to an absolute nightmare. You knew doing what you did that night would’ve hurt you. But you didn’t expect that amount of madness to take over your mind. 

Every time you were patrolling together in deadly silence, you thought of that night. You thought of her lips finding their way to yours. You thought of her lingering touch sending shivers down your spine. You were screwed, more than ever. 

Especially once she stated that it was just a friendly thing. It was your first actual conversation since that night when Ellie proposed the two of you should not make a big deal out of it. A sentence that swiftly managed to break your heart and drive you right into Obie’s arms. Her words crushed you but more than that you wondered if that’s all you ever were for her. Just a friend. 

Now she was standing right in front of you, pulling her lips away from yours. 

And all of those feelings inside you were ready to explode. 

“What the fuck was that?!” 

You didn’t even bother to keep your voice down. You pushed her away, anger rising within you. 

“What do you mean?” she whispered, properly taken aback by your reaction. 

“What do you mean?” you repeated after her. “What do you think, Ellie?” 

“Alright, now I’m confused,” she admitted. “I thought that you—“

“You thought what? That you had a right to do this?” you shook your head. 

“Well, considering the look your were giving me while your fucking boyfriend was sitting a feet away—“

“Excuse me?!” you were losing all your temper. “What the fuck is wrong with you, Ellie?” 

“What the fuck is wrong with me?” she couldn’t help but laugh. 

“You didn’t have one nice word for me this morning on patrol and suddenly you feel an urge to kiss me?”

You couldn’t believe how lightly she was taking this whole situation. 

“Thought I could win back my socks.” 

That was all you needed to reach for the doorknob. 

“I’m done—“

“No, no, no! Y/N, wait!” Ellie jumped right in front of you, forbidding you from leaving. 

You didn’t want to look into her eyes but just like any other case — no matter how much you tried, you couldn’t resist. 

“I’m sorry,” she whispered — honesty in her voice.

There it was, the guilt in her eyes. 

“I’m sorry. Fuck, it was a joke,” she mumbled, all nervous. “Please, stay.” 

And you realised, this might be the only opportunity for you, to sort things out. 

So you took a step back and leaned against one of the cupboards. Giving it all one last shot. 

Ellie eased up a bit, most likely rethinking all of her previous statements. For a second, it was quiet. With her, immersed in her thoughts and you — trying to find the right approach to this. 

“Is it all a joke to you?” you whispered, wondering out loud. 

Your words forced her to look into your eyes, facing her crimes. 

“This, me and you, us. The kiss.” 

Her eyes lightened up like the stars. 

“Was it all a joke to you, Ellie?” 

And then faded away.  

“I don’t know whether you care or not but it was never a joke to me—“

“Then why were you with Obie?” she interrupted you. “If it wasn’t a joke, why did you went out with him that night? The night after I kissed you?” 

There was pain her voice, though she took a mighty effort to cover that. She did it most of the time. Ellie always struggled with her vulnerability — mostly not knowing how to handle it properly. But you could always see right through her and she knew it. 

“Why are you with him now, Y/N? When he’s acting like an absolute piece of shit—“

“Like you should be the one talking,” you mumbled sarcastically. 

Hitting the right spot. 

Ellie’s eyes widened over that sentence, not even trying to hide her pain this time. 

Which you realised, just two seconds later and let out a frustrated sigh. 

“I’m sorry,” you said softly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it. It’s my fault he’s taking out all his anger on you.”

“I doubt that,” Ellie chucked quietly. “He was never a big fan of mine, if you haven’t noticed.” 

You caught the weird vibe from them but paid no mind. Looking back, maybe you should have. 

“I heard you two had a falling out last night,” you admitted, drawing even more of Ellie’s attention. “He didn’t told me. Jesse did.” 

You answered the implied question. 

“And did he tell you what was the reason?” Ellie asked carefully. 

There wasn’t need to bring up what you knew from Jesse. You wanted to know the truth, directly from her — that’s why you shook your head, giving her an opportunity to speak up. 

“I never really cared for him, until the two of you started dating,” she avowed. “I picked up on his hostility towards me pretty soon but until yesterday, I didn’t realised how much he despised me. I didn’t even want to go out, but Dina insisted. I wanted to leave as soon as I saw him. He had a lot to say. Mostly giving me shit for making you feel so miserable. He made it very clear you’re not available.” 

“For who?” 

“For me,” she said softly. “He told me to stay the fuck away from you, to which I asked him if he finally managed to improve his kissing skills.” 

Maybe it was the result of everything that happened today or a pure madness that forced you to absolutely lose it over that statement. Either way, it took one look into each other’s eyes for both of you to burst out in laughter. 

For a split of second, all the tension was gone. Once it again, it felt so easy. So simple. Like those endless nights in her little shed. 

“You’re such an idiot,” you mumbled between laughs. 

She felt relief, seeing a smile appear on your face — even more, knowing she was the reason. 

“He’s an idiot,” she replied with a grin on her lips. “After that, the only thing he could do was call me a slur and I sorta lost it—“

“And nearly broke his nose?” you finished her sentence. “Heard that part.” 

Ellie gave you a fleeting smile before she looked away, hypnotising her black sneakers. 

“Well, me and that idiot broke up,” you confessed, seeing her eyes lighten up once again. “And the only reason I went out with him that night was because I thought you didn’t want me. Not the way I wanted you. I figured that was probably why you disappeared without a single world — wanting to avoid the awkward outcome.” 

Now, she was the one in loss for words. 

“I'm sorry about what he called you at Seth's,” you whispered. “And I’m sorry for what he did tonight.” 

“He just saw the opportunity and he took it. It doesn’t matter,” Ellie shrugged her shoulders. “It’s not your fault, Y/N. It never was.” 

“I know, but still—“

“Y/N, shut up, I’m serious,” she laughed. “Stop being such a people pleaser.” 

You felt slightly offended over that statement and she noticed. Just two seconds later, as soon as she saw the look in your eyes. 

“I didn’t—“ she whispered. “I didn’t mean it like that.” 

You nodded quietly, still glancing at the tips of your sneakers. 

“Fuck,” she cursed under her breath, rubbing her cheeks.

There it was again, the silence. And for a minute you thought that maybe this was to closure you were longing for. Just for a minute. 

“Do you wanna get out of here?” 

Before she spoke again. 

“We probably already waisted our seven minutes, so…“

“No, dumbass, I meant—“

“Seriously?” you stopped her, fighting the urge to roll your eyes. 

She clenched her fits, taking a deep breath. 

“Y/N,” she whispered, “I meant get out of this house. I’ve had enough of stupid games and jealous boyfriends for one evening. Let me take you the hell out of this place. And fix this night while I still can.” 

She was a feet away from you, but you could still see that glimpse of desire glancing in her green eyes. And no matter how much you tried, Ellie was too hard to resist. Especially in this moment. 

A to be completely honest, you weren’t particularly keen on the idea of going back to the living room and face Obie and his bizarre vendetta tricks. A part of you already regretted going here in the first place — just a part, the rest was glad for that choice since it brought you and Ellie back together.

Ellie, whose hand was currently holding yours while she was trying to quietly sneak you out. She reached for her jacket on the hanger in the hall before she grabbed the doorknob and pulled you both out of that haunted house. Just as you crossed the doorstep, you thought of Jesse. 

If it wasn’t for him and his impolite barging in, you and Ellie might never had this conversation. You could’ve gone home. Never knowing that you could’ve found an answer. And a solution. There was a guilt in you, for not saying goodbye to him — you felt like you owed him that. 

But within seconds, you forgot about all of them. Because the only thing you could possibly think of was her. Ellie, whose hand was still holding yours as you were walking down the streets of Jackson town. You wondered if she did intentionally or simply paid no mind. You didn’t dare to ask or have any sort of objections — you were enjoying it more than you probably should. 

There it was again, that feeling of simplicity. Hand in hand in the middle of the night, you thought of all those walks you and Ellie used to take. From time to time, when the two of you had a sleepover at her house and one of you couldn’t fall asleep, you’d took the flashlight and go out. Occasionally, you even traded the streets of Jackson for the world behind the gates. 

Though, you were always very careful. You were aware of the growing tension between Ellie and Joel and knew that if one of Maria’s patrol men saw the two of you outside, they would certainly bother to share this information with him — causing Ellie even more trouble that she already had. 

That’s why you mostly took midnight walks around her small neighbourhood. Sometimes even till the sunrise. Sometimes you spent hours talking, the other days you chose the enjoy each other’s presence in silence. And when Joel and Ellie stopped talking, you took these walks nearly every day. 

You knew Ellie had nightmares. The bags under her eyes, the sadness in her face — you saw it every morning on patrol. And then she showed up at your house, at three fifteen in the morning, all sweaty and shaking. You walked around yours this time. You held her hand and kept talking. About everything that could keep her mind off that. That could keep those nightmares away. 

You always took her back home. Tucked her in and sat at the edge of her bed till she fell asleep. Waited an hour to make sure those nightmares were not coming back. Only then you would go back to your place — after you knew that she was going to be alright. After you knew she was safe. 

Ellie had a special place in your heart. And there was nothing in the world that could chance that. 

No matter what happened between the two of you. She was sitting next to you right now, on the stairs of Joel’s back porch and you knew that if she got one of those nightmares again, you wouldn’t leave. You would stay there and hold her hand till she falls asleep.

“So this was your idea of fixing the night?” you asked, squeezing the beer bottle in your hand. 

She brought you into her backyard, sneaked into Joel’s house and stole two beers from his fridge. 

“How is this any different from sitting at Obie's porch?” 

“That dick you dated is not here, that’a first bonus,” she grinned. 

“And where’s the rest?” 

Ellie couldn’t help but chuckle. 

“You're really hard to please,” she laughed. “I wanted to spend time with you without risking any of those douchebags barging in.” 

“You didn’t seem to care about that when you kissed me.” 

That was a risky move. 

Ellie put the beer bottle down, taking a deep breath. 

“We don’t have to talk about that,” you whispered. “Again.” 

Though you wanted it. You wanted it so badly. To get a clear answer from her, once and for all. 

“I wanted to kiss you.”

There it was. 

“In the living room, in front of him. After what he said, a part of me wanted to just shove it down his throat. Get that fucking grin off of his face.” 

In all honesty, you struggled to pay attention to the rest of her speech after you heard the first sentence. 

“But it wasn’t worth using you. I didn’t want you to think I kissed you, because I wanted to prove a point.” 

You nearly got it.

“Then why did you want to kiss me?”

For a second, she looked into your eyes. “You know why.” 

Nearly. 

“No, Ellie. I don’t,” you whispered. “You might be surprised, but I have no idea why you do what you do. Because you never give me a clear answer—“ 

Not even bothering to let you finish your frustrated statement, she closed all the space left between the two of you and smacked her lips onto yours. 

“If you’re gonna say that this is a clear answer, Ellie, I swear to God—“

“I wanted to do this the night I saw you in Joel’s dinning room. And morning after that, when I saw you sleeping on the other side of my bed. And then again, every single time I saw you walking around the town with him," she admitted. "It was driving me crazy, because I loved you, Y/N. I love you so much. And that’s the first and foremost reason as for what I did this. Today or any other day.” 

Almost there. 

“Then why did you leave?” you whispered the only thing on your mind. The one thing that’s been bothering you for weeks. 

“Because I panicked,” she confessed. “I went out because I needed to clear my head — I didn’t know where we stand, where you and Obie stand. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t know if I should go back and if so — what to say. And when I saw you that night with him, I figured. Or at least I thought I did — until tonight.”

“You could’ve just ask me!—“

“And then what?” she interrupted you. “Was I supposed to beg you to break up with him? I felt like a selfish asshole just thinking about it.”  

And then it all got to you. Weeks of avoidance, days of sleepless nights when the thought of her didn’t seem to leave your mind. The anger and frustration that you subconsciously tried to bottle up exploded. 

Right into her face.

“You're such an idiot!” you bursted out. “Oh my god!” 

It was safe to say that this wasn’t the kind of answer Ellie was hoping for after opening up to you. Hell, this was nowhere near what she was expecting. That sort of reaction caught her off guard — that was for sure. At least according to that confusion that appeared in her eyes, leaving her in an absolute loss for words for nearly twenty seconds. 

“Excuse me?” she frowned.

“This was the moment you chose not to be selfish? You’re such a dick, Ellie!” 

In your defence, you didn’t give yourself much time to rethink those words before they left your mouth — in fact, none. The ire got the best of you, it definitely wasn’t your finest moment. Though, no one would probably dare to blame you. 

“You knew I was with him because—“

“Well, I know it now!” she mumbled sarcastically. “This is so fucking stupid.”

“Tell me about it.” 

Every time you felt like you could finally reach the end, another obstacle emerged. The frustration felt never-ending. As if the two of you were walking in circles — again and again. Till one of you finally decides to make it stop. 

“You wanna know where we stand? Well, so do I. And we’re never gonna get there if we’ll keep pointing fingers at each other,” you expressed. 

“You’re the one calling me names.” 

There it was again, the sarcasm. She was making difficult for you to stay patient. 

“Ellie!—“

“Just wait here,” whispered and within seconds, got on her feet and headed towards her little house. 

You obeyed, most due that confusion caused by her sudden resolute action. You stayed there, sitting on Joel’s cold stairs, replaying the events of tonight in your mind, till she hove into view again — this time with a piece of clothing in her hand. 

That landed in your lap as soon as she sat down next you.

“Is that…” you stopped to take a better look at it. 

Crumpled blue fabric that was slowly fading. Yet the solar system was still quite visible — enough for you be taken aback and pause for a second to process that. You needed a few seconds.

“The space t-shirt.” 

You looked into her eyes, determined to find the answer. 

“Why are you giving this to me?” 

Why here? Why now? 

There was way too many questions running through your head.

“I listened to you and I’m choosing a better moment for my unselfishness,” she replied softly. “I also might have considered that strange theory of yours…“

“Pardon me? It’s not a strange theory. I was the rightful winner from the beginning—“

“Yes you were,” Ellie admitted, nodding with a smile on her lips. 

Which caught you by surprise. The look in her eyes, the spark shinning again.

“And I’m sorry it took me so long to realise that.” 

Finally. 

“It was yours from the beginning. And if I wasn’t so stubborn and overthinking everything, it could’ve been yours long time ago. I wanted nothing more than that.” 

“I really hope we’re not talking about the t-shirt anymore.” 

All the seriousness she was building up disappeared the second those words left your mouth.

“I was trying to be romantic!” Ellie mumbled between laughs. “You’re such an idiot, Y/N.”

“Romantic my ass! That’s the second time you called me an idiot today!” 

“Because that’s who you are,” she whispered, devilish grin on her face. 

You couldn’t help but to roll your eyes, annoyed.

“Seriously, this is the worst attempt—“

“But you’re my idiot,” she leaned to you, closing the space once again. 

Again and again until her hands reached your cheeks as she pulled you closer, deepening the kiss. 

“Unless you don’t want to be,” she whispered into your lips. “My idiot.” 

“Ellie, it took you weeks to say this, are we sure I’m the idiot here?” 

She saw the sneer on your face. 

“Shut up,” she chuckled, pecking your lips. “I love you. Is that good enough for you?” 

“We’ll see. Do you have any better, less degrading nicknames for me?” you mumbled sarcastically. 

You felt her breath dancing on your cold cheeks as she slowly leaned in, ready to kiss you again. “Wanna find out?” 

[sl-ut]

months apart

pairing: aemond targaryen x fem!targaryen!reader 

description: aemond was less than happy when y/n was married off. now that he has her back, he’s decided that he’s never going to lose her again. (reader is the daughter of an unnamed oc–the younger daughter of viserys and aemma).

warnings: nsfw (no smut), swearing, mentions of death, incest (its hotd what do you expect)

words: 2.2K

date posted: 13/11/22

valyrian translations at the bottom

The sky was painted red, like the stone beneath his feet. 

A coincidence? Most definitely, though it certainly felt symbolic when he thought of the red that had tinted the snow just outside of Winterfell eight days prior, and he found himself wondering whether or not the same sky hung above her own head thousands of miles north. He could only picture her, a young widow in all black beneath the bloody heavens; The vision of a true Targaryen. He longed to lay his eye on her once more–the months had passed slowly without her by his side, and now she would return to him as if she had never left.

He’d smiled when he received her letter, and laughed as he read it. The wedding had been painful for him, watching her take a husband in his own home, watching him take her to their marital bed and mount her gently, as one might with a maiden (though she was no maiden, which he took great pride in). He beat a man half to death that night, only stopped by Ser Criston, and he silently wept the evening after he had watched her disappear into her wheelhouse and over the horizon. Then, her letter reached him in the months following, and he laughed at the news that her husband had not only been killed, but had been butchered on his route back from the nearby brothel. He hadn’t been worthy of her, and he never would be.

She spoke fondly of him in her letters, assuring Aemond that he was kind to her and never seemed to grow angry with her. She told him that he was a good man, though not as good of a husband as she might have dreamed of, as he spent many nights in the brothels, and when he did come to her bed, he was usually so intoxicated that he could not perform his husbandly duties. She also assured him of her regular consumption of moon tea, writing in fine penmanship that, I would bear no man’s child but yours, my Aemond, to which his breeches tightened as he rushed to find some ink and parchment to write out a passionate response.

“Aemond,” His mother spoke firmly to grasp his attention, “Have you been listening?”

He turned to glance over his shoulder at her, though he did not pretend to care, “Yes, mother.”

She sighed, clearly understanding the fact that he certainly hadn’t been, but continued on anyways, “In three months time, Princess Y/n will finish her mourning period in Winterfell and will take her leave. Princess Rhaenyra has insisted that her niece spend time with her in Dragonstone before returning to the capitol, which the King has insisted upon.”

“Why must she?” He demanded, turning entirely to face her, his silver locks sliding over his shoulder majestically, “Our sister is welcome to visit if she so please, but there should be no need to extend the princess’s journey from one dreadful place to another.”

Otto Hightower scowled as he watched his grandson’s clear displeasure, “There is little need to do so. In light of the king’s current condition, it would be in the best interest of the realm to prevent any unnecessary conflict in his presence. Princess Y/n will spend four months in Dragonstone with her aunt before she returns to King’s Landing.”

Aemond scoffed, rolling his shoulders as he stood straighter and stared menacingly down at his grandfather for a moment before pushing through the doorway and rushing off to his own rooms. 

Of course Rhaenyra would steal her away. She was possessive of their niece, being the only child of her twin sister, who tragically passed of the sweat three months after giving birth. She coddled her, promising that she would always be welcome at court when she became queen–yet another thing that Aemond felt he was being robbed of. Rhaenyra made it clear to everyone that she was unhappy with the close nature of the relationship between her niece and brother, and was very pleased to see her married into a powerful ancient house to a kind man, despite the fact that she would be so far away. If Rhaenyra had it her way, Y/n would arrive on Dragonstone and never leave, perhaps even marry her off to either Jacaerys or Lucerys if it meant that she was kept out of Aemond’s reach. He would die before either of those bastards lay a finger on her precious flesh. 

He received a letter from her upon her arrival in Dragonstone, smiling as he broke the seal and read her detailed account of the journey. He grinned when he read her words, I count the days until we meet again, my love, and he found his fingers hurriedly unlacing his breeches as he read over and over again, and I count the seconds until I am returned to my rightful place in your bed. 

Four months passed even slower than those before it, and Aemond awaited anxiously each day to see any sign of his beloved over the horizon. His mother scolded him for doing such, insisting that he could spend his days doing something more useful to both himself and the realm, while Aegon teased him endlessly for being so caught up in her skirts. The days when it rained or was simply too foggy, he spent in the training yard or riding Vhagar, though there were very few moments when his mind slipped from her oncoming arrival. 

And then, as he forcefully struck down yet another stable boy, pridefully unarming and throwing him to the hard earth of the training yard, horns blared. His ears perked at the sound, his blunted blade dropping from his grasp as he made haste back to the Red Keep, where he would make himself clean for her–how could he face his love in such a state of filth?

When he was cleaned, dressed in a soft velvet doublet, and scented with a spiced cologne that he was sure she would like, he found himself anxiously pacing the length of the front gate. His family soon joined him, as well as most of the more important courtiers as the gates opened, allowing a short parade to enter before a large wheelhouse rolled in. 

Aemond wanted to shout in displeasure as handmaidens began to file out of the carriage, wishing them to simply hurry up so that he might be graced with the pleasure of her appearance for the first time in just over a year. He wanted to beat away the guards who aided them, to push through the crowd and find her himself, to damn each of the worthless souls who were unfit to be in her presence, to–there.

His chest tightened as he found her amongst the crowd. Her hair was braided away from her face in a style he’d never seen her wear before, and she continued to wear black silk in mourning for her late husband, which he frowned at. Her eyes locked on him, flesh darkening as a blush took over her. 

“Granddaughter!” the king announced, feebly stumbling forward to greet her. She caught him in her arms, though she allowed him to present himself to be the one holding her up, not the other way around, “I was so very sorry to hear of the death of your husband. You would have made a wonderful Lady of Winterfell, but alas, my heart sings with joy to have you returned home.” He lifted his gloved hand to her cheek, “You mirror your mother more than ever before.”

Alicent stepped forward, a hand grasping her husband’s arm gently, “Princess, I hope your travels were well.”

Y/n smiled tightly. She had always been courteous with her step-grandmother, though she had been influenced by her aunt’s displeasure with her, especially after the conflict at Driftmark that had resulted in the loss of Aemond’s eye. 

“Yes, Your Grace,” She spoke clearly, “Winterfell was quite beautiful, but I’m afraid I am not quite built for the cold. The journey only allowed me to get used to the warmth once more.”

“Nonsense, my dear,” Viserys chuckled, leaning forward to kiss her forehead joyously, “A dragon need not readjust, fire is in your blood.”

“Come,” Alicent extended her arm to her husband, “The king must rest, and you must be dreadfully tired from your journey. Ser Criston will take you to your chambers.”

“Of course, Your Grace,” Y/n curtsied, her eyes glancing over across the bored expression of Aegon, the dazed stare of Helaena, and finally the longing stare of Aemond. She could not continue down the line to little Daeron, as the singular violet eye narrowed at her, a nonverbal signal for her to go with Ser Criston. She nodded at him slowly before turning towards the knight and allowing her ladies to tug her along into the palace. 

Aemond dined early that evening. He waited impatiently in his chambers for the sun to go down. His fingers itched to rush to her chambers, to kiss and touch her, to love her and give her the children that he knows that she has long awaited. He longed for her time of mourning to come to an end–though he would argue that her husband was hardly worth mourning–and to take her as a wife. Finally, he could not wait any longer, and found himself sliding through the hidden passage from his rooms to hers, discreetly pressing himself into the wall behind a narrow tapestry.

Her ladies were buzzing about the room, putting her things away and preparing her for bed. Aemond narrowed his eye in the darkness, allowing it time to adjust before he began to search the room for his beloved, who he easily spotted near the fire, hair damp from the bath and dressed only in a robe made of fine green silk. He admired the slope of her neck, the shape of her lips, and the curve of her nose. He missed being granted the opportunity of gazing upon her beauty, and if he had it his way, he would never lose that pleasure again. 

She glanced at her ladies, smiling gratefully at them as one offered her a goblet of wine and tentatively taking a sip, “I wish to go to bed now, you all may go.”

He watched as they filed out of the room, staying in his place in the shadows as the door closed shut and eyeing her as she downed the rest of her wine. 

“You may come out now.”

He smirked as he finally crept out of the shadows, eagerly pouncing on the chance to view her in plain sight, “Green suits you, niece. Much more than black.”

She chuckled, glancing over her shoulder at him, “I am in mourning, uncle. Or have you forgotten that I have become a widow?”

“Forgotten?” He scoffed, pouring himself a cup of wine and carrying the pitcher over to refill her cup, “I have celebrated every day since.”

She hummed in response, “You should not speak ill of the dead. He was kind to me, a good man. He was–”

“He was a cunt,” Aemond knelt before her, “Unworthy of you.”

“And who is worthy?”

“No one,” He murmured, “Not even myself, and yet the gods bless me with your affections.”

The prince slid his hand up her calf, fingers caressing her flesh gently as she set her cup aside, taking his hand within her own. Heat sparked beneath her touch, leading him to glance back up at her. Her gaze was warm, longing for him in a manner he had never experienced.

“Funny, isn’t it?” She glanced down to her lap, “It has been just more than a year since we’ve last sat in the same room, and yet it feels like a lifetime. How we’ve changed in these months.”

“Se yet nyke zālagon syt jeme keskydoso,” He kissed her knee, setting his own cup aside to stand before her, using his grip on her to help her do so as well, “This year has been painful for me.”

“To me, as well,” She grinned, “Eman missed ao.”

She pushed up on her toes to nudge his nose with her own, coyly pulley back as he leaned closer and growled at her. 

“Do not tease me, my love,” He whispered to her, “I wish nothing more than to take you to bed and fuck you until morning. Do be warned, I will not be so eager to allow you rest, I have waited a year for you.”

She exhaled, lips brushing his, “I would be otherwise disappointed.”

He grinned, eye closing as their foreheads rested against one another. Finally, after months of longingly waiting for her letters, restraining himself from flying north and stealing her away, and relying on the pleasure of his own hand, he could have her. And he was sure that this time, he would not let her leave. She would be his bride.

For the first time after months apart, their lips came into contact, pushing together furiously as her robe slipped off of her shoulders, and his hands eagerly led her to the bed, sure to make good of his words.

translations: 

se yet nyke zālagon syt jeme keskydoso – and yet i burn for you all the same

eman missed ao – i have missed you

[orcasoul]

Am I too late to love you? Part 2

Summary: Reader and Joel are in an unestablished relationship. Joel breaks her heart when being asked to admit his feelings and she leaves their shared home. Reader gets into trouble while on patrol without Joel causing him to face his own truth and go in a desperate search for her.

Warnings: swearing, angst, Joel being well... Joel lol. clicker attack. Use of Y/N

Italics indicate inward thinking.

The water is brutal! The cold penetrated your body with such ferocity that for a moment all of your muscles sized up and you began to sink, being dragged away by the current at the same time. After what felt like an eternity you began to kick, breaking the surface and desperately gasping for air. You've never felt the cold like this in your whole life. It hurt, it hurt so fucking much! Trying to keep your head above the water you look to the bank and see Andy shoot the remaining clickers, his face a picture of horror as he helplessly watches you get pulled downriver.

Trying to fight the current was useless, nevertheless you try with all your strength to reach the river bank. The longer you are in the water the more you feel your body giving up, ready to succumb. But at the same time your mind is screaming at you to keep fighting. And so you do; You fought your way to the surface every time the current tried pulling you down into the icy abyss. It's terrifying to be in such a helpless situation, completely at nature's mercy. One moment you're looking for something, anything to grab onto at the raging surface and the next you're being pulled back down, the only sounds being the torrent rushing past you ears and your muffled screams. You brake the surface again for what you were sure would be the last time, taking one last gulp of air when your back slams into something hard, the current pinning you against it.

Struggling to turn against the weight of the water you realise it's a large rock. You cling to it, catching your breath. Looking around you notice you are closer to the river bank than you were a few minutes ago. You also notice that there are other rocks close by clogged up with broken branches, making a natural dam. If you were religious you would have thought that someone up there was looking out for you, giving you this opportunity to make a break for it. You gather your strength and you push yourself across the river grabbing onto the rocks, pulling your aching body against the water until finally your feet touched the bottom and you could walk against the current in the shallow water.

Crawling out of the water your body collapsed, finally spent. You just lay on the frozen ground for a while shivering and crying. Crying tears of joy that you survived against the odds. Laying still after the fight you just had to endure was a welcomed bliss, even if the wind chill was beginning to make your face and fingers hurt. You take a few more minutes to catch your breath, listening to the sound of the rushing water and watching the clouds roll by in the baby blue sky, a strange sense of calm enveloping you. A cold gust of wind brought you sharply out of your sense of serenity, making you shiver violently. "Okay, get up" you mumble to yourself. Your body has never felt as heavy as it does now while rolling over to get on your hands and knees. With a loud groan you force yourself up, standing slowly on shaky legs.

Taking in your surroundings it's evident that you haven't been dragged as far downstream as you'd thought. You must have only been in the river for several minutes, even though it felt a lot longer. Wrapping your arms tightly around your body, desperately trying to conserve any body heat you might have left, you walk back up the side of the river until you reach the patrol route. Andy had gone, leaving the dead clickers in his wake. It was going to be a hell of a long walk back to Jackson but after surviving clickers and the river you ain't giving up now!

*******

Joel had been repairing a damaged fence outside the school all the while mentally rehearsing what he would say to you when you returned from patrol. To say he was pissed when he learned late last night that he'd been taken off your patrol shifts and assigned to construction today would have been an understatement. He knew you must have asked to be given a new partner and honestly he couldn't blame you after what he did, but he always worried when you went on patrol without him. And he couldn't deny the pang of jealousy he felt when he learned that you'd been paired up with Andy. The guy may have been new but he'd already made a reputation for himself as a shameless flirt. Joel knew he had no right to feel this way after brutally dumping you but he couldn't help it, especially after having finally admitted his feelings for you.

A commotion at the gates caught Joel's attention. The gates opened and a lone rider came through, quickly dismounting his horse. A small crowd had gathered, worried voices carrying on the air. Putting his tools down Joel walked over to the crowd and his heart clenched in fear and anger when he saw Andy had returned without you. He stormed over to Andy, grabbing him by his shirt and slamming hard against one of the open gates. "Where is she?!" he roared, his face contorted with fury. It took a few men to pull Joel off of Andy, one of them being Tommy. Andy remained against the door with his hands still up in surrender. "I don't know. We were attacked by a group of clickers and got separated...." Andy began to explain in earnest but before he could say anymore Joel stalked towards him again only to be halted as Tommy stood between them. "And you left her out there alone?!" Joel was now shaking with rage. "No, no I tried to help her but my horse spooked and by the time I got back to her it was too late. She jumped in the river to escape them. They nearly got her!" Andy sighed and hung his head "I'm so sorry, I tried to help, I really did."

Joel felt the blood in his veins freeze and his heart felt like it had dropped to his stomach upon hearing you had jumped in the river. In that moment his world had turned upside down, knowing it was unlikely you had survived. The crushing grief he felt when Sarah had died returned with a vengeance. It became almost impossible to breath and think properly, but Tommy's hands on Joel's shoulders managed to bring him back to the present. "Joel, Andy and l will go look for her right now" Tommy tried to reassure his brother. "I'm going with you" Joel replied. "I don't think that's a good...." "I said i'm going with you!" Joel sharply cut him off with a tone that left no room for argument and Tommy knew there was no point trying to reason with Joel when he got like this.

*******

Every step is torture. The cold pierced every fibre of your being, slowly and agonisingly freezing your muscles, your skin, your very ability to think straight. All you knew is you had to get home ASAP. Knowing you won't survive for long in this temperature you push and push yourself forward. Your feet feel like numb stubs and every muscles is begging for relief but you know if you lay down now you'll never get up again. It's only 2 miles. You can do this, you keep telling yourself over and over. The sun beat down on you through the woodland but you got no warmth from it's weak winter rays. A beautiful day like would normally ignite the nature lover in you, calming your senses while you absorb the world around you; The smell of pine needles mixed with wet earth, the gentle rustle of windswept leaves, the sweet chirp of birds. It was those moments that refreshed your soul in this bleak, broken world.

But right now your focus is consumed by the violent shivers relentlessly wracking your body, causing your teeth to chatter so hard that you're afraid they'll shatter. Your soaked clothes cling to your body, absorbing the windchill and forcing it deep into your bones. Your hairline and eyelashes begin to form ice crystals causing you to rub your eyes every few minutes with fingers you can no longer feel! It is becoming increasingly difficult to walk but you push through the pain and exhaustion, knowing that every step brings you closer to home, closer to Ellie and even.... Joel. If you could see them just one last time it would be worth all this effort. So on you stagger, very slowly. A sense of relief washes over you when you realise you are half way to Jackson.

Not much further, keep going. Slowly dragging your legs, one at a time, you find yourself stumbling as you become increasingly drowsy. You shake your head to snap out of it but the movement only alerts your senses for few moments. You pinch your hands hoping the sudden pain will bring you out of this weary brain fog that is quickly consuming you, but your skin is so numb that you can't feel anything. After a few more minutes your breathing becomes increasingly shallow, forcing you to walk even slower. By focusing so much on your breathing you don't feel it at first; Warmth! You suddenly feel warmth spreading through your core and to your limbs and cheeks. H..How is th... this possible? you start to wonder but confusion is soon replaced by relief as your body continues to radiate much needed warmth to every part of your being. All of a sudden your vision blurs and you collapse to the ground. You open your eyes briefly, sucking in short breaths in panic. You can't move! Your last remaining ounce of strength has abandoned you completely and you feel the overwhelming need to sleep. "I'm s.. so ..sorry" you cry out to Ellie and Joel as you surrender to the dark peace of nothingness.

*******

Every passing minute pulls Joel deeper and deeper into despair. He's so consumed with fear and guilt that he didn't hear Tommy calling from behined. "Joel?" Tommy called again as his horse reached Joel's, followed closely by Andy. Joel turned to look at his brother in a haze "If she made it out of the river she'll head back along the trail, i'm sure of it. If anyone can survive this it's Y/N. That girl is tougher than she looks" Tommy said as reassuringly as he could. Joel knows Tommy is trying to stay positive for his sake but his anxious mind always jumps to the worst case scenario in tense situations. It's a mindset he can't shake. Twenty years of horrors and hardships were responsible for that. "Joel?" Andy sidled his horse next to Joel's. "I really am sorry. I tried to help her. If this stupid horse hadn't bolted or I was a better shot..." he trailed off uncomfortably, scratching the back of his kneck "She was just too far away, i'm so sorry."

Joel didn't answer him. He just tensed his jaw, keeping his steely gaze dead ahead. Andy sensed it was better to shut up, to not push Joel any further and risk being on the receiving end of his wrath for the second time. The three men continued to ride in silence, looking and listening for any sign of life nearby but were only met with silence, apart from the wind and birds. Joel's mind began to spiral the longer time went on. He thought about all the things he should have said to you and all the things he wishes he could take back. You'll never know how much he truly loves you, how much you really mean to him. He's startled out of his thoughts when his horse rears. A rabbit had run across it's path, causing the horses skittish reaction. "Shhh, shhh" Joel soothed while rubbing the horses neck to calm it down. His gaze followed in the rabbit's direction and what he saw made his breath catch in his chest. There you were, lying motionless, poking out from behind a low bush. The deep green of your coat a striking contrast against the pure white dusting of snow.

"Over there!" Joel bellowed to Tommy and Andy as he jumped off his horse and sprinted over to you. He dropped to his knees beside you, placing one hand on your back and the other on your shoulder to roll you over. He was horrified by the sight that met his eyes! Your skin was as pale as the snow, dark circles coated your under eyes, your eyelashes and hair had formed a thin layer of ice, your lips were blue and your clothes had began to freeze around you. You literally looked like death warmed up! "Baby? Baby can you hear me?" Joel pulled you into his chest. He wrapped his arms tightly around you, trying to give you some warmth. "If you can hear me squeeze my hand" he begged desperately while clutching your hand; Nothing. "Please, please, please...." he muttered as he ripped his gloves off pressing his fingers to your neck, searching for a pulse. He silently prayed, begged to any deity that might be there that he would find it. There! It was weak but it meant that you were still alive.

"Give me your coats now!" he ordered the other two men as he shucked his own off. He quickly took off your now crusty coat, wrapping his around you. Tommy ran over with two more coats as Andy stayed back, holding the horses reigns. "Jesus Christ!" he exclaimed when he saw your almost frozen body, quickly wrapping the other coats around you. "Is she alive?" "Barely. We have to get her to the infirmary now!" Joel was frantic. He could barely breath, while his hands wouldn't stop shaking. He ran with you to his horse, passing you to Tommy while he mounted. "Give her here" he demanded. Tommy lifted you up and Joel effortlessly pulled you onto his lap, resting your head on his shoulder, while supporting your back with his arm and gripping the reigns in both hands. "You go, we'll catch up" Tommy insisted. Joel didn't have to be told twice.

He pushed his horse to ride faster than ever before. It may have seemed cruel but all that mattered to him was getting you home alive. Looking down at your peaceful expression brought tears to Joel's eyes. Tucking your head into the crook of his neck he whispered "I'm so sorry baby girl. I love you." He hoped you could hear him. His panic eased slightly as Jackson came into view. "We're almost there darling, just hang on for me please." He gently kissed your forehead as tears rolled down his cheeks. He kicked the horse even harder in desperation. "Open the fucking gate!" Joel screamed at the guards as loud as he could. He didn't dismount as he should have at the gate; Instead he rode straight through, making a beeline for the infirmary. Luckily the residents had the sense to move out of the way.

The doctor and nurses on duty came rushing outside as Joel approached the building. "She's hypothermic! Please help her!" he cried while passing you to them so he could dismount. He quickly scooped you back into his arms as the medical team led the way inside. "We made it baby, we made it."

********

Darkness is slowly replaced by a bright light. You feel a delicious warmth engulfing your whole body and you realise you are lying on something warm and soft. Turning your head to the right you try to focus on the blurry form in front of you. After a moment your vision recovers and you are startled to see Joel looking down at you, his eyes red and puffy from crying. "Hey sweetheart" he whispered softly while stroking the top of your head. "You're gonna be okay. I'm gonna look after you." "Joel?" you quietly ask, unable to hide the surprised tone of your voice. "Shhh... I'm here" he gently takes you're right hand in his, smoothing small circles over your knuckles. "Is that really you?" You begin to sob. Even though he hurt you deeply you cry with relief at seeing him again. Joel slowly shifts on the side of the bed and pulls you into his arms, embracing you gently, as if he's afraid you will break. After a few moments of immersing yourself in his touch, his warmth, his scent you pull away to look into his eyes, those beautiful chestnut eyes you thought you'd never see again.

"Why are you here?" you ask sheepishly, not wanting to sound ungrateful for his presence but at the same time feeling confused as to why he would be here after what he told you only 2 days ago. "When I saw that kid had returned without you I...." Joel hung his head, staring at your fingers entwined with his. "I was terrified" his voice broke on the last sentence, blinking back tears. "When he told us what happened all I could think about was finding you." Joel looked up to meet your eyes and you were shocked to see his usual hardened expression had been replaced with fear and vulnerability. "But I thought you didn't care for me, Joel. You made that crystal clear the other night when you cruelly belittled me and broke my heart" you reply, your voice laced with hurt and confusion. "Look..." you exhaled slowly while looking down "I appreciate you coming to find me but you don't have to be here. You don't have any obligation to me so maybe...." "I love you" Joel cut you off.

Your head snapped up, looking Joel in the eyes. Your own eyes wide at what he'd just said, the sincerity of his voice matching the look of sincerity on his face. All you could do in this moment is stare at him in shock as he continued, "I'm sorry, i'm so sorry for everything. I didn't mean any of it." Then... why did you say it?" you responded in hurt and frustration. "Because you deserve someone better. I'm not a good man and i'm not as strong as I once was. You deserve someone younger who can protect you, someone..." "Stop!" you snap at him. Joel immediately stopped talking, looking at you with raised eyebrows. "I don't want anyone else. It's always been you, Joel. You've done things you're ashamed of but so have I, we all have. But you are a good man even if you can't see it. I've seen who you really are with your brother, with Ellie. That's the real Joel. Everything else is just a means to surviving and I don't judge you for it, I never have."

You place a hand on Joel's cheek and he slowly cups your hand, leaning into your touch. You continue "And I don't care about the age gap. It means nothing to me. You worry that you can't protect those closest to you but i'm here right now because of you. You literally saved my life today." Joel looked at you, realising that you're right. You were with a much younger man today and even he couldn't protect you. "I just couldn't bear the thought of losing you. That's why I couldn't admit to you... and to myself how I really feel. I thought it would be easier to ignore it but.... fuck..." Joel sighed and shook his head. You've never seen Joel express his feelings before and you knew this was difficult for him after shutting himself off for the last 20 years so you silently wait for him to finish, all the while gently squeezing his hand. "I almost lost you anyway" his voice trembled at saying that out loud.

"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere" you reassure him. "I'm so sorry for everything Y/N. I fucked up and I know I don't deserve your forgiveness or a second chance. I just need you to know that I do love you." After a few moments of silence you take a shaky breath and reply "You really hurt me Joel, i'm not gonna lie." Joel closed his eyes and sighed, drowning in remorse for the pain he caused you. You tilt his chin up and he opens his eyes. "But I love you and I forgive you." The look of relief on Joel's face caused your heart to swell for him and a single tear rolled down your cheek. He wiped it away and swept you up into a tight hug. "I love you so much, baby girl" he whispered into your hair. You smile, knowing you could never hear that enough.

Pulling back slightly he cups your face while softly pressing a kiss to your lips. You instantly melt into it and you both deepen the kiss, gently swiping your tongues together. You kissed him many times before while he's fucked you senseless but those kisses were always fierce, lustful and animalistic. But this.... this was different. The way he kissed you now was tender, loving and meaningful. It was as if you two were the only people in the world right now and nothing else mattered.

An hour later the doctor gave you the all clear. After helping you to stand, Joel lovingly wrapped an arm around your shoulders "Let's get you home, baby" he whispered softly. "On one condition" you say as you stop in your tracks, causing Joel to turn to you with a questionable expression on his face. "Don't shut me out again. If something is wrong you have to talk to me. You have to let me help you, no matter what it is. Promise me, Joel." Joel looked into your eyes, his soft smile causing his eyes to crinkle in the corners. "I promise."

As you approach the house you see Ellie sitting on the front porch waiting for you. The moment she locks eyes with you she jumps up and runs over to you, slamming her body into yours in bone crushing hug, bringing a chuckle from you and you hug her back tightly. "Fuck, I was so worried about you Y/N." "I'm okay" you reply stroking her head. After pulling away she looks between you and Joel. "Are you guys okay now?" She asks worriedly, almost as if she's afraid of the answer. "We're okay" you reassure her while hugging into Joel's side as he kisses the top of your head. Ellie breathed a sigh of relief but then turned to Joel. "You'd better not fuck things up again, old man. You treat her right. I'll be watching you!" "Yes ma'am" Joel replies with a hint of teasing in his voice. "Right, well I'm gonna go tell Tommy and Maria you're home. They're coming to see you later. Then I'm gonna meet Dina and Jesse." "Be home by 11" Joel yelled after her. "Yeah, yeah" she called over her shoulder.

Joel opened the front door and led you inside with his hand gently placed on the small of your back causing your tummy to react with butterflies. You could get used to him being this attentive. He wraps his strong arms around your waist and leans into your neck placing a gentle kiss there. "Good to have you home sweetheart" he coos into your ear. You wrap your arms over his, lean back into his chest and sigh happily. You suddenly realise home isn't where you live. It's not four walls and a roof; For you home is right here in Joel's arms, safe wanted and loved.

[harry-on-broadway]

The Last Line: Part Three

Part Three

Word Count: 10K || Series Masterlist || Rating: M

A/N: I actually managed to keep my promise and post when I said I would 😅 But seriously, thank you to everyone who has hung around waiting for the update. I hope you like it and would LOVE to hear what you think! 

***

Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz.

“Are you going to get that?” Chloe asked pointedly, eyeing Penny’s phone as it vibrated on her desk.

“I’m sorry, is it bothering you?” Penny replied cheekily.

“Yes, but only because I want to know who has been texting you.”

Penny picked up her phone and looked at the screen. Four text messages from Harry. “Just a source,” she said. “I think I might have a lead on a new feature, so I’ve been trying to build a relationship with them.” That was kind of the truth wasn’t it?

“Uh huh,” Chloe said, twirling a pen between her fingers. “And does this source’s name rhyme with Barry Tiles?”

“Shhhh!”

“I knew it!”

The two women stared at each other over the partition that separated their desks, as Penny steeled herself for the barrage of questions Chloe was sure to hurl at her. “You want to take a walk? Get a coffee?” Chloe asked, clearly opting for discretion now that she had gotten what she was looking for from Penny.

“Yes, but you’re buying.”

“Deal.”

When their lattes were in their hands, Penny and Chloe began their slow and strategic walk around the office park, following a carefully planned route that they knew put them out of earshot of nosy coworkers.

“So when did this happen?” Chloe asked.

“Umm…” Penny searched for an answer. “Like a couple of weeks ago, I think? We got drinks after that concert we went to.”

“Yeah, you mentioned that but not the fact that he’s suddenly your new best friend.”

“You know he’s not my best friend. I could never take that title away from you.”

“I appreciate that but that doesn’t explain why you didn’t tell me about him.”

“I didn’t say anything because this just kind of…happened,” Penny said.

And it had. She thought about the way she had texted him when she’d gotten home from their post-show drinks. And how he’d replied. And how when she’d woken up the next morning he’d sent her another message, this one containing a link to a country song that she hadn’t heard before. She thought about how she listened to the song on repeat while she made her coffee and got ready for work, crafting the perfect response in her head as she tapped her fingers to the beat. She thought about how Harry had texted her daily since that night. And, each time she added to her notes on whatever it was Harry was working on, she tried to suppress the feelings of guilt that brewed deep inside.

“Like hell it ‘just happened.’” Chloe tried to make air quotes around the coffee cup in her hands. “It wasn’t that long ago that I thought I’d have to be a character witness at trial for you.”

“Ha ha, but I swear! We just had a drink and talked and things progressed from there.”

“Where’d you take him?”

“Seventy7.”

“Your date spot?”

“My source meeting spot.” Penny took a sip of her coffee.

“So, he’s a source? What are you cooking up?”

Penny looked around, making sure they were far away from anyone who might be eavesdropping on their conversation. “He has a new album coming out sometime this year. Tom told me and so did Harry. And I was thinking, maybe if I got a scoop on it, it would impress Darren and would give me a better shot at landing some stories.”

“I’m sorry,” Chloe said. “But in what world is this a good idea? Did you miss the ethics class freshman year? You know the one about unbiased reporting? Keeping friends and family out of stories? Do you recall any of that? Or were you too hypnotized by his ravishing good looks during your date that all rational thought left your head?”

“He’s neither friend nor family and it wasn’t a date. It was networking. A source meeting. You have those all the time.”

“Yeah, at premieres where I’m talking to 50 year-old men I most certainly don’t want to fuck.”

“I don’t want to fuck Harry.”

“OK, that was great,” Chloe said. “Let’s take that once more though, and this time make me believe you actually believe what you’re saying.”

“I don’t want to fuck him,” Penny said definitively.

Chloe held her gaze waiting for her friend to break. “Well all right then we’ve settled it.” Penny’s phone buzzed again. “What’s your ‘source’ want now?”

Penny unlocked her phone, angling the screen so Chloe could see the four texts Harry had sent.

Hey. How’re you?

I’m in the studio today so I’m on your side of town. Might be stopping by the office to talk to Jeff about something too.

Been listening to this today. Have you heard of it?

Um, any chance you want to grab a drink? Maybe dinner?

“Do you usually get dinner with sources?” Chloe asked with a grin.

“First time for everything,” Penny said, replying to Harry’s message.

Yeah, maybe tomorrow?

His reply came back fast. How’s tonight?

“Someone’s eager,” Chloe laughed.

“What’s wrong with that? Maybe I’ll get what I need.” After confirming the time and location, Penny slid her phone into her bag. “Now where were we?”

“You were profusely denying your attraction to Harry. Unbelievably, I might add.”

“Chlo, I don’t know how many times I can say this…I’m simply tolerating him to get something from him.”

“This is the part in the rom com where the sassy best friend tells the plucky protagonist that she’s making a mistake because she’s going to develop real feelings.”

“And this is the part in the rom com where I go back to my desk and actually get some work done.”

Penny spun on her heel and started back towards the office, leaving Chloe to catch up behind her. Penny spent the rest of the afternoon bouncing between edits to a listicle about “10 Songs You Didn’t Realize Were Turning 10 in 2019” and making a list of things she wanted to ask Harry that night. How far along was the album? Was he close to announcing a release date? A single? Were the songs he’d been sending her any indication of what his new tracks would sound like? A few minutes before five, she slammed her laptop shut, tossing it into the canvas tote that doubled as her purse and work bag these days.

“See you tomorrow,” she called to Chloe and Devon, one of their graphic designers. Devon waved, quickly turning his attention back to his monitor, while Chloe spun in her chair.

“Make good choices tonight,” she called with a sly wink. “Don’t get into too much trouble.”

“You’ll be my one call if I do,” Penny called cheerfully over her shoulder, as Chloe’s laugh echoed through the mostly empty newsroom.

Penny pulled out of the parking garage, cruising through the streets to the restaurant Harry had texted her. It was a bit further out than she usually traveled during the week, but when she looked on the map, it looked like it was midway between her neighborhood and his. Neutral territory. She drummed along to the song on the radio – something by Justin Timberlake – as she waited for the light to turn, catching a glimpse of herself in the rearview mirror. Several strands of hair had escaped from her ponytail and she had a smudge of eyeliner under her left eye.

Ugh. This was not how she wanted to show up to dinner. Eyeing the light and the number of cars in front of her, she shook out her hair, retying it into something slightly neater before rubbing at the smudge under her eye. That looked better, right? She continued to stare at her reflection. What was missing? Lipstick? She thought she had one that wasn’t too old in her bag. After one more glance at the light, she rooted through her tote until she found a neutral coral color that wouldn’t look too out of place on her face. She was just about to apply it to her lips when the car behind her laid on their horn.

“OK, sorry. I’m going!” she cried out to no one in particular. Lipstick would have to wait. But as she made the final turns of her journey and pulled into the parking lot, she couldn’t help but wonder why she felt the need to get dressed up for Harry. This was essentially a business meeting. She gave one final glance at the lipstick that was now on her passenger seat and decided to forgo it. Source meeting, business dinner, not a date. She locked her car and made her way inside. Harry had texted her that he was already there at a table in the back, a message she relayed to the host at the lobby of the restaurant.

“Party name?” he asked.

“Ugh…” She stumbled over her words. “Harry Styles,” she whispered, unsure if she was breaking some unspoken rule by saying his full name aloud.

The host smiled knowingly. “Right through here. You’ll see him seated towards the back. Have a nice evening.”

“Thanks, you too!” Penny said, walking through the curtain that separated the dining room from the lobby.

Her eyes swept over the room, adjusting to the dim lighting as she looked for Harry, finding him on a second glance. He lifted his hand and waved gently, a soft smile on his face. She strode briskly to the table, and he stood as she approached.

“Hey,” he said when she was within earshot. “You look nice.”

Penny looked down at her worn jeans, t-shirt, and blazer. “Thanks?”

“Shit, that was weird,” Harry said with a laugh.

“No. Hey, I’ll take it. You look…nice…too.” It wasn’t a lie. Harry would look fantastic wearing anything in any situation, but there was something about him that was different from the last time she’d seen him. He looked tired. Stressed. “How have you been?” she asked, trying to change the subject.

“Good, good. Staying busy, lots going on,” Harry said, returning to his seat once Penny had sat down. “Been spending some long days in the studio which is…great, but also tiring.”

“I can imagine.”

“You?”

“Oh, pretty similar actually. Not that I’m in a studio, but just a lot of work stuff. They haven’t hired a new news writer yet so I’m kind of doing the work of two people right now, and then there’s a lot of late nights with concerts and stuff and oh my God I should stop talking.” She laughed nervously.

“No, you’re good,” Harry said with a chuckle. “See anyone cool lately.”

“I saw John Legend last week, and I’m seeing a jazz ensemble tomorrow.”

“Sick.”

“Yeah.”

An awkward pause fell over the table as Harry sipped his water and Penny fidgeted with the silverware in front of her. Mercifully, a waiter appeared to take their drink orders.

“I’ll do the Moscato,” Harry said after perusing the wine menu.

“Oh, that sounds good. I’ll have some as well,” Penny said, returning her own menu.

“Should I bring a bottle for the table?” the waiter asked.

“Uh, sure,” Harry said. “Is that OK?” He looked at Penny who just nodded. “The bottle would be great, thanks.”

The waiter disappeared and returned shortly, pouring their wine and taking their dinner orders, before leaving them alone. Silence once again filled the space between them.

“So what did you want to talk about?” Penny asked at the same time Harry asked if she had listened to the song he’d sent her. They both laughed.

“I just thought we could catch up. Make good on that promise of ‘next time,’” he said, swirling the wine in his glass.

“Oh yeah,” Penny took a sip of her own wine. “You said you’d been getting lots of studio time in. I assume the new project is coming along nicely.”

“It’s certainly coming along. I’m not sure about nicely.”

“Why not?”

Harry let out a long breath. “Things aren’t going as easily as I hoped. I feel like everything I’ve written in the past couple of weeks has been shit.”

“Well, I’m sure that’s a lie.”

“I don’t know. If you heard what I finished before I came here you might think differently.”

“You write with others, right?” Penny asked.

Harry nodded. “Yeah, Tom, Tyler, Mitch. That’s the usual crew.”

“Good group. I’m not super familiar with Mitch’s work, but I’m sure he’s top tier if you’re working with him.”

“I’m not sure if that’s a compliment for me or Mitch, but I’ll accept it regardless.”

Penny thought about shooting back a “Why would I compliment you?” but seeing how drained Harry looked, she refrained. “Is there something in particular that’s holding you up?”

“Well, I did some writing while I was touring, and then did a lot of writing earlier this year when I was in Japan. But I still don’t feel like the album’s done. It’s like the secret ingredient is missing or something. But sometimes I feel like I’m the only person that feels that way and that everyone else just wants to wrap it up to get it out there.”

“You have to listen to your gut then,” Penny said without hesitation.

“Easier said than done.”

“No, seriously if you think something is missing, I think you have to hone in on that feeling. Really listen to what your heart and your gut are telling you. Only you know what your album needs to be. Collaboration is great and it clearly works when you have the right group of people together, but when you start letting everyone’s voice in the room, that’s when things start to feel inauthentic. And there’s nothing worse than listening to an album where you know it’s not what the artist fully believes.”

“You can tell?” Harry said, somewhat surprised.

“Well, it’s not like I know everyone personally,” Penny began. “But it’s just a feeling you get when you’ve listened to a lot of stuff. Artists have their signature, and it’s always there even when they start experimenting. Like let’s use Rihanna as an example. If she suddenly started writing about the good life on the farm and drinking beer on the porch with her dog, it would just feel weird, like a label pushing her to replicate the hot new country song. But good artists don’t need to follow the trends, they set them.”

Harry nodded, which Penny took as a sign to continue. “Like for example, your first album.” She took a breath knowing she was potentially treading on thin ice. “It really set the standard for your sound as a solo artist. It’s an album that is clearly very modern, but very heavily influenced by 60s and 70s rock. So, people know to expect that from you. You’re the guy that makes vintage modern and cool. But, perhaps that album was a little too cookie cutter, which I think you know. So this time around, maybe you needed to take a couple of risks, make an album that shows the world who Harry really is. Each album is an opportunity to change the trajectory of your career and I think you should act on it.” Harry stared at her, speechless. “Sorry, if I overstepped,” she said.

“No no, you didn’t,” he said. “Fuck that was exactly what I needed to hear.” He ran his hands over his face. “It’s just that even when I try to insulate myself from the noise, it leaks through. Comments about sales and singles and streaming and charting and all of this stuff that will really determine if I get to keep doing this. And it just makes me get so caught up in my head…” he trailed off.

“I do the same thing sometimes,” Penny replied. “I just get so focused on if this article will get more clicks than the last one, or if it will get good traction on social and help me ‘build my brand.’ I just forget why I do this job.”

Harry nodded. “It can be easy to lose that reason why.”

Their waiter used the break in the conversation to deliver their food, and Penny tucked into her chicken parm, savoring the dish that was a massive step up from her usual combo of a pre-packaged salad and Easy Mac.

“About those songs, you sent me,” Penny began.

“Oh! Did you like them?”

“Surprisingly, yes.”

“Surprisingly?”

“Yeah, I'm admittedly not the biggest country fan,” Penny said. “And to be honest, I’m pretty surprised you're into that kind of music.”

“Oh, I love it,” Harry said, leaning closer and speaking faster. “Country artists are hands down the best at telling a story in a song. I’d like to be able to do that one day. You know, write about an experience that isn’t mine? Or at least tell a story of my own.”

“You’re well on your way to doing that.”

Harry flushed but ignored the remark. “I, uh, liked the playlist you sent me. I’ve been listening to it in the mornings.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Like I’ve heard almost all of the songs before, but not in that way. They tell a different story when you listen to them back-to-back like that.”

“Oh, well thanks. I’ve always prided myself on making good playlists.”

“If you have another, send it my way,” Harry said, taking a bite of his pasta. “I’d love to hear more of what you’ve put together.”

“Well, I’ll have to send you my ‘Bad Bitch’ playlist that I listen to ahead of meetings with my editor.”

“Please.”

She had meant it as a joke, but Harry clearly didn’t take it that way. “Oh yeah, I’ll send it now.” She picked up her phone and sent him the link. “Enjoy. I hope you’re able to find your inner bad bitch.”

“I’ll keep you updated on my progress.”

When the waiter dropped the check on the table, Harry swiftly collected it, placing his card in the leather holder, ignoring Penny’s protests.

“I’m the one who invited you,” he said. “It’s only fair that I pay.”

Penny chewed on her lip. It was basic ethics that journalists didn’t accept gifts from sources. You always paid and kept your fingers crossed that your publication would reimburse you. “I can’t let you.”

“Why not?”

“Because…” What was she supposed to say? I accepted your invite because I wanted to hear about your album? I want to use you for my own personal gains? “Because it’s 2019 and women can pay for themselves.”

“Tell you what, you pay for me next time?”

“You and these next times,” Penny said with a laugh. “Always asking for more.”

“I just thought you were having fun and I was –”

“Harry, I’m kidding. It would be great to see you again. You’re actually pleasant to be around when you’re not acting like an asshole.”

“Two compliments in one night? I should buy you dinner more often!”

“I think that will be the next next time.”

Harry laughed and Penny noticed how when he found something funny, really truly funny, the skin around his eyes crinkled as his dimples deepened. She felt a rush of pride knowing she brought that out in him.

Harry’s phone chirped and the dimples and crinkles disappeared as he looked down at the incoming message. “I guess I should be going. Duty calls.”

“Heading back to the studio?”

“Yeah…” The lightness had disappeared from him.

“I know it’s easy for me, the person that will be critiquing your album, to say, but just write what you feel, Harry. You can’t go wrong with that.”

“I’ll try my best,” he said. “Thanks for coming tonight.”

Penny rose from the table and Harry followed her to the exit. “Have a great rest of your night,” she said, unlocking her car.

“Yeah, you too,” Harry said, swaying on his feet. “I’ll uh, see you later?”

“Definitely! I think I’m free on Wednesday. I’ll text you.”

Harry smiled, and Penny felt warm inside, and marveled at how he could make her feel so good with just one gesture. “I’m looking forward to that,” he said. “Drive safe.”

As she drove home, Penny listened to the songs Harry had sent her over the week, really paying attention to the lyrics and the stories Harry had been talking about. He was right. They were some of the best she’d heard.

It wasn’t until Penny pulled into her parking spot in front of her building that she realized she didn’t get answers to any of her questions.

***

Harry took the quickest route to the studio from the restaurant, opening the voice notes app on his phone when he was stopped at a red light. He spoke quickly, tripping over his words, wanting to make sure he captured everything he was feeling in the moment. When he reached the studio, he rushed in, nearly bumping into Tyler as he turned the corner.

“Wasn’t expecting you to come back tonight, H,” Tyler said.

“I wasn’t either but inspiration struck and…”

“No, I get it,” Tyler said. “Want to get to work?”

“Let’s do it.”

***

The next morning, Penny awoke to a message from Harry.

I think I’ve finally found my inner bad bitch. Thanks for all the help.

***

Over the next couple of weeks, Penny and Harry fell into a rhythm. He’d text her, usually at night when she was getting home from a gig, and they’d message back and forth until one of them fell asleep. They met up for impromptu drinks a few times and got coffee a couple of others. Their outings were usually initiated by Harry, and Penny was more than happy to go along with his suggestions. She kept reminding herself that this was just for work, but she couldn’t deny how much she was enjoying their time together.

Penny had just left Darren’s office one Wednesday afternoon, clenching her hands so hard, she was sure her nails had drawn blood. He’d killed another one of her features, even after suggesting she write it, and everything felt pointless. She was back at her desk deciding what her next move would be – get coffee or cry in the bathroom – when her phone rang. Seeing Harry’s name on the caller ID, she answered almost immediately.

“Hey,” Harry said, his voice tinged with surprise.

“Hey.” Penny could hear the waver in her own voice.

“Is now a bad time?” Harry asked.

“No.”

“You sound…upset,” Harry said cautiously.

“Just a typical day here.”

“Would you have time to take a break? Maybe get a coffee? I’m at Full Stop today.”

Penny looked at her watch. She had time to spare and the way things had been going lately, Harry might be the perfect way to improve her mood. “Sure. I can meet you at Blue Bottle in like 10 minutes.”

“See you there.”

Penny ended the call and grabbed her wallet. “I’ll be back later,” she said to Chloe. Blue Bottle was just a quick walk from her office and she stood outside the coffee shop, rocking back and forth on her heels until she saw Harry approach.

“Hey,” he said, his eyes searching her for obvious signs of distress. “I’m glad you were able to sneak away.”

“Yeah, I needed the break.” Penny gestured to the register inside. “Want to order now?”

Harry nodded and followed Penny inside, ordering an iced Americano after she’d asked for a vanilla latte.

“This was supposed to be my treat,” Harry said as Penny inserted her card into the machine to pay. “I invited you.”

“Next time’s on you,” Penny said with a tight grin, moving off to the side to wait for their drinks, handing Harry a straw.

“So…” Harry said, picking the paper straw wrapper. “Are we going to talk about whatever’s happening here?”

“What? Nothing’s going on.”

“It’s just, you sounded upset on the phone,” Harry said. “And now you just look kind of sad. Stressed.”

“Gee thanks.”

“I didn’t mean that as a bad thing. I was just worried that something was going on.”

Penny looked up to meet Harry’s eyes. It was truly touching how concerned he was, but it also felt monumental. Like whatever she said in response would change the course of whatever was happening between them. “Thanks,” she said after a moment. “It’s just been a rough day at work after a string of rough days.”

“Want to talk about them?”

Penny sighed. “It’s my editor.”

Harry nodded. “I remember you talking about him. He’s the one that keeps shitting on your ideas.”

Penny whipped around to look at him again. “You remember?”

“Yeah, because I thought he sounded like a dick from what you told me.”

“Well, I can confirm that he is. And what he’s been doing recently is instead of letting me pitch stories, he’s assigning me his own pitches, and then even after I follow every single one of his stupid-ass rules, he still kills the story. Now, some of my sources are starting to get cagey since they don’t love sitting down for a call for an article that never materializes and I just feel like a terrible writer and it’s just hard. I feel like I’m stuck and that I’ll never get out.” She looked at Harry “Well, that’s what’s new with me. How about you?” She laughed nervously, aware she’d just spilled her guts to the man who was her mortal enemy mere weeks ago.

“I’m really sorry you’re having to deal with this,” Harry said.

“I know it’s something everyone in a creative field goes through since art is so subjective but it’s just really tough when it feels like you’re the only one experiencing it.”

“Could I read it?”

“What?”

“Your story. The one Darren just killed,” Harry prompted.

“I don’t think you’d be interested. It’s really boring about music licensing and copyright law.”

“I don’t know. I’m a musician. I have songs. Feels pretty applicable.”

Penny sighed. “I’m just -”

“Trying to come up with another excuse?”

“Fine.” Penny unlocked her phone and opened the Google Docs app, navigating to the doc with the story she’d filed earlier that day. “Here,” she said, handing Harry her phone and walking away.

“Woah, where are you going?”

“I’m not going to stand here and watch you read my article. That’s just a form of cruel and unusual punishment. I’m going to wait over there.”

“No you’re not.” Harry grabbed Penny’s hand and pulled her back to his side, not letting go of her hand, even when she was standing next to him.

Penny froze. Harry didn’t appear to register what he was doing as he bowed his head and started to read the screen on the phone he held in his other hand. She stood there, next to him, watching as he read her work. The crinkle that emerged between his eyebrows as he focused, the way his mouth moved as he scanned the page, the way he nodded when he came across certain phrases.

“Latte and Americano for Penny,” the barista called.

Penny cleared her throat. “I should get those,” she said softly.

Harry looked down at the hands. “Oh, right, sorry. Didn’t mean to hold on like that.”

Penny fetched their drinks and when she returned, Harry had migrated to a small table in the corner where he finished reading the article. She didn’t want to fish for compliments, but was curious about what he thought. “Sooo,” she said, handing him the cup.

“I don’t know who your editor is but he’s an idiot for not publishing this. I heard a couple of people at Columbia discussing this last week. People would want to read this.”

“Maybe I should bring you back to the office to see if Darren will listen to you.”

“I am free for a couple more hours.”

Penny grinned. “Thanks. For…everything.”

“No, thanks needed, You’re a fantastic writer, Penny.”

“I wish Darren believed that. Hell, I wish I believed that.”

“Artists are always the most critical of themselves,” Harry said thoughtfully.

“Do you know that from personal experience?”

Harry let out a long sigh and nodded. “It has been a week.”

“Making any progress?” Penny asked, trying to sound casual.

“Kind of. But the label is asking for something that’s more radio friendly and I just don’t want to give it to them. Probably because I don’t know how to give it to them,” he added under his breath.

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out. You’ve got a good team. You’re…smart.”

Harry laughed. “You don’t sound so sure about that.”

“No, I didn’t mean it like that,” Penny said. “You just have like good music sense. It’s something that can’t be taught.” Harry stared at her blankly. “What? Did I say something wrong?” she asked.

“No.” He shook his head. “I’m just trying to remember when you started being so nice to me.”

“Shut up! You’re so stupid,” Penny said, flicking her straw wrapper at him.

“Shut up!” Harry shot back, mocking her tone as flicked the paper back towards her.

The two giggled, shooting the paper back and forth until Harry put a little too much muscle into it, causing the paper to land on the back of the woman behind Penny.

“So athletics aren’t your strong suit?” she teased.

“I don’t know about that.”

“Penny?”

Penny turned around and came face to face with Darren. Was no place safe? “H-h-hi,” she spluttered. “I was just taking a break. I’ll be back at the office soon.”

“Oh no worries,” Darren said smoothly. “I can tell you’re busy.” He eyed Harry. “Nice to meet you.”

“Yeah, pleasure,” Harry said, extending his hand for a handshake that Darren reciprocated. “I’m Harry.”

Darren nodded, not bothering to reciprocate the introduction. “Well, I’ll see you at the office, Penny.”

“Mhmm, talk soon.” Penny waited until she was sure Darren had left the coffee shop before turning back to Harry. “Fuck, I didn’t think he’d come here. He usually hates anything that brings people joy.”

“Was that weird? That was weird,” Harry said.

“It was.” Penny hadn’t been able to interpret what Darren had been thinking when he walked over there, but she didn’t think she’d be able to pretend like it hadn’t happened when she eventually made her way back to the newsroom.

“I think you could take him though,” Harry said.

“Excuse me?”

“I think you could beat him in a fight. Especially if it was a war of words.”

“Well, we’ve had a couple of those and they typically end with me hiding somewhere to cry.” Harry didn’t say anything and just stared at Penny with an indiscernible expression on his face. “But you didn’t need to know that…” she trailed off.

“You’re good at your job, Penny. Don’t let anyone try to convince you you’re not.”

“Thanks? Not sure if I believe that coming from the guy who bullied me over my writing a couple of weeks ago, but I’ll keep that in my back pocket.” Harry shook his head. “What?” Penny pressed.

“I’m always going to feel terrible about the way I treated you,” Harry said. “It had nothing to do with you, though. It was all about me.”

“Oh?”

“What bothered me was that everything you said was true. In that review you were just pointing out things that were painfully obvious. I just had my head so far up my own ass I couldn’t see. And when I read your words, I just felt so vulnerable.  Like if you noticed how guarded and cheap that album was, how many other people did too? I put everything into that it. What if that’s the best I have to offer? What if I never do anything better than that? Do you know what it feels like to question your worth and purpose like that every fucking day?”

“Of course I do. My job is to share my opinions online only to get yelled at by trolls on Twitter who think my being a woman means I don’t have a brain. Or feelings. Each day when I walk into work I have to brace myself for whatever shit Darren is going to throw at me. I have to watch men who know fuck all get chances that I deserve and anytime I try to do anything about it, I’m the one who gets punished. It’s exhausting and stresses me out more than it should, but if I woke up tomorrow and couldn’t do that, I’d be lost. It’s sadistic, but I think you know exactly what I mean.”

Harry blinked slowly. “I do,” he said after a moment. “I don’t think anyone has ever described it like that before, but that’s exactly it.”

They finished their drinks while checking their phones and it wasn’t lost on Penny how even sitting in silence with Harry felt comfortable, like they were old friends. She could have sat with him like that forever, but eventually Harry sighed, signaling the end of their time together.

“I probably need to be getting back,” he said. His face looked drawn and Penny couldn’t tell what had changed.

“Yeah, I should get back too.”

“I’ll walk you over.”

Penny got up and pushed in her chair as Harry disposed of their cups and wrappers. He met her at the door and held it open, walking alongside her when they were out on the sidewalk.

“Are you going back to the studio?” Penny asked. “Or is this a business day?”

“The studio. Hopefully things will fall together soon.”

“Well, break a leg? Good luck? I’m not sure what recording studio protocol is.”

“Any of those will work.” Harry glanced over at her. “Um, I’m assuming you’re back to work.”

“Yeah, not really sure what I’m going to work on for the rest of the day, but I’ll find something.”

“Try not to think about Darren. I mean it.”

“Well you can’t think about the studio execs when you write.”

“Deal.” Harry stopped outside Penny’s office as she pulled her ID from her pocket. “I’ll see you later.” He put his hand on her shoulder and then paused, as if it was a step too far. “Text me or something?”

Penny reached up and covered his hand with hers. “Definitely. Maybe we could do dinner sometime this week if you’re in the area.”

“Yeah, I’ll be around.”

“Great.” Harry’s hand was still on her shoulder as she awkwardly shifted towards the door. “Have a great rest of your day,” Penny said softly.

“You too,” Harry mumbled, breathless as he watched her walk inside.

***

Penny hadn’t been at her desk for more than a minute when Darren strode out of his office straight for her desk. “Fuck,” she mumbled under her breath. She looked around, hoping that someone would be around to diffuse the conversation, but the newsroom was surprisingly empty.

“Penny,” Darren began, voice echoing in the empty room.

“Yes?”

“I didn’t realize you knew Harry Styles?”

“Um, that’s a recent connection. We have a mutual friend.”

“Very cool.” Darren sat on the edge of Chloe’s desk, clicking the pen in his hand. “Learn anything from him?” he asked, attempting to sound casual.

“Not really. Like I said, I only met him recently.”

“That’s a shame. Any scoop from him could be big. Keep an ear out.”

“Um, sure,” Penny said.

“Keep me in the loop on any developments.”

Penny would rather chew glass than keep Darren “in the loop” but she just nodded pleasantly, hoping her agreement would make him go away. “Will do,” she said.

“Great!” Darren hopped off of the desk and headed back to his office, nearly bumping into Chloe as she walked in, coffee and pastry in hand.

“What was that about?” Chloe asked. She wiped off the edge of her desk when she was sure Darren’s door was closed.

“So, Darren ran into me and Harry while we were getting coffee.”

“Ooh, tell me more.”

“He started pumping me for info on Harry–”

“No!” Chloe whined. “Not about Darren, about Harry. I didn’t know you all were meeting up.”

“It was an impromptu thing. He was in the area and I needed a breather.”

“And Darren saw you?”

“Yes, and I think he wants me to leverage my…knowledge…of Harry to get a scoop on something.” Penny chewed on her lip. “I feel conflicted.”

“Babe, that’s exactly what you’ve been planning this whole time! I told you it was a bad idea then and I still think it’s a bad idea. You really think any idea Darren has is a good one?” She said his name in a tone usually reserved for dog shit.

“I know, I know,” Penny moaned. “But I’m just kind of torn because getting anything on him would be great for me but it would ruin our -”

“Burgeoning love affair?” Chloe cut her off.

“No, our friendship or whatever the hell it is.”

“Pen, I think you know what the right move is here. So I’m not going to tell you. You’re better than this and you are smarter than this. Don’t be a Darren!”

Penny clicked the cap on and off of the pen as she thought about Chloe’s words. “There has to be a way I can do the best of both worlds. I mean, critics and journalists hang out with the subjects of their writing all of the time. I can make this work.”

“I will make sure not to tell you ‘told you so’ when this blows up in your face.”

“That’s why you’re my best friend.” They sat at their respective desks and worked until it was closing time. Penny said goodbye and headed to her car. As she stepped outside of the building, she impulsively turned left, taking the circuitous route that would take her in front of Full Stop’s office. As she approached the building, she squinted looking in the windows. She didn’t know what she was hoping to find but she felt an extreme sense of disappointment when she didn’t see Harry.

She finished her walk to the garage, climbing in her car and turning the radio on first thing. As she drove home, her mind wandered – to Darren, to her brother’s upcoming birthday (she still needed to find a card), to Chloe’s annual film festival – but her thoughts were mainly occupied by Harry. What was he doing at this moment? Was he still at the studio? Was he out with friends?

Her phone chimed as she pulled into her parking space. It was a text from Harry. A link to a song. She smiled as she put her headphones on to listen.

***

Are you busy?

Three little words and her heart started racing.

It had been a few days since her impromptu coffee with Harry, they’d talked even more than usual. Penny woke up to texts from Harry – songs, random musings, once, a funny YouTube video – and his messages were also what lulled her to sleep. She wasn’t sure what to call this new stage, but felt that friendship was a good start.

Penny counted to twenty before responding. Not really. What do you need?

She could see him typing in the message thread.

I’m working today and am a little stuck on something. I wanted to get your advice. A voice note followed the message. Take a listen and let me know what you think.

Penny’s phone burned hot in her hand with the knowledge of what that message contained. She rose from her desk, searched for her earbuds and rushed off to find a quiet spot in the office to listen to the note. In the dim hallway that led the kitchen, she pushed her earbuds in and turned up the volume before pressing play.

It was an unfinished demo, but despite the rough nature of the recording, she could tell this song was something special. It started off with a strong drum section before Harry’s vocals came in. His higher register, smoother than ever. She closed her eyes, Even with shitty discount earbuds she could feel the beat pulsing, throbbing, echoing within her. It was magic. When it finished playing, she hit play again, focusing on the lyrics this time through. Phrases about shining, stepping into the light, recurred throughout, and while it was beyond her to speculate the meaning of the lyrics, they felt deeply personal. The kind of personal that everyone could relate to. The hallmark of a good song.

She listened a third time for good measure before typing out her response. Initial reaction, I love it. On more listens, it feels like the bass and drums might be a little too much. There’s an intimacy to this song and you don’t want to lose that. Find a way to balance the two and you’ve got a hit.

Harry’s reply came quickly. You’re exactly right! Thanks!

Any time.

“Penny?”

She looked up from her phone to see Darren in front of her, mug in hand, clearly on his way to get some of the paltry excuse for coffee kept in the kitchen.

“Yeah?”

“What are you doing?”

She searched her brain for a reason she’d be standing in a dark hallway with her headphones. “I was taking a call,” she finally said. “It was a little noisy in the main room and I just needed some quiet.”

“OK, well that’s what we have the call booths for. Keep that in mind.” Darren stared at her and Penny prayed he wouldn’t be able to sniff out the real reason she was there.

“I should go,” she said, dashing towards her desk.

“All good?” Chloe asked, taking in the panic on Penny’s phase.

“You-know-who almost caught me with a demo the other you-know-who sent me,” Penny said, voice low.

“Shit.”

“Yeah, it was a little too close for comfort.”

“Why?”

Penny turned around in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Let’s think this through,” Chloe said. “Why are you so concerned about Darren finding out what you know?”

“Because it’s an ethics issue.”

“Why is it an ethics issue?”

“Because I know Harry. We’ve gotten drinks together.”

“OK, yes,” Chloe prompted. “But how is that any different from you getting drinks with Paul at a networking event and then quoting him in a piece? Or when you went to dinner with those investors that were funding that new streaming startup and then wrote a story?”

“It’s just different. My brother’s best friend didn’t introduce me to them.”

“But he did introduce you to Janice and you quoted her.”

“I-that’s not the same and you know it.”

“You want to know what I think?” Chloe asked.

“Not particularly.”

“I think that three weeks ago you thought this scheme was a great idea but then you actually spent time with Harry and now you care about him and you don’t want him to know you were using him and you also don’t want to risk your reputation.”

Penny scoffed. “You are so off base.”

“Am I? You haven’t looked me in the eye since you sat down and your hands are shaking. You’re lying and we both know it.”

“It’s not what you think,” Penny said. “I didn’t want Darren to know because if he gets ahold of the story he’ll probably kill it and I don’t want that to happen. I’m saving it for one of our editorial meetings so I can have Skylar there as backup.” She hoped the lie sounded more convincing than it felt.

“Sure,” Chloe said. “Do you want to get drinks after work tonight?” she asked, smartly changing the subject.

Penny nodded in agreement, but inside she was wondering why she was so scared to tell her best friend the truth.

***

Penny paced in her kitchen keeping an eye on her phone on the counter, willing it to light up with a new notification. It had been three days since Harry had shared his demo, forcing her  to confront the emotions that had been brewing inside of her for the past few months.

She’d reached out a couple of times. First to ask how the rest of his studio session went, and then to share some more songs and music videos she liked. And when those went unanswered, she reached out again, asking if everything was OK only to be met with radio silence. She was fairly certain that nothing was wrong, but concern lurked in the back of her mind, and after a few more minutes of pacing, she grabbed her phone and keys and headed for her car.

She scrolled through her messages until she found Harry’s address which she programmed into her GPS. When she pulled up to the gate, she pressed the buzzer. Then hit it again. And again. And again. Finally, she heard Harry’s voice through the crackly speaker.

“Hello?” His voice sounded different than usual and she couldn’t be sure if it was because of the speaker or something else.

“Uh, it’s Penny. I hadn’t heard from you and was a little nervous since we were supposed to go to that show tonight?”

“Oh, fuck. Come on in.”

She heard a loud buzz and then the gates parted, allowing her to drive in. She glanced at the landscaping as she drove up the path. It was nice and well-maintained, definitely not by him, and she appreciated the views the property offered. She put the car in park in front of the garage. Harry was standing on the front stoop waiting for her.

“I’m so sorry,” he croaked, voice gravely even without the interference of the intercom. “I came down with this spring flu or something. I’ve been out of commission for a few days.”

“Don’t apologize. I was just worried.” Shit. That wasn’t what she meant to say. “Like just since we had these tickets. I wasn’t sure if you still wanted them or…”

“Yeah, of course. I honestly don’t think I’m up for a show tonight. I’m better, but still not 100%.”

“No, I get it.” Penny rocked back and forth on her feet. “Do you want some company?”

Harry paused. “What about the show?”

“One of my friends had been asking about the tickets. I can give them to her.” It felt wrong to go if Harry wasn’t there, not that she’d ever admit that to him.

“Uh, sure,” he said, scratching the back of his neck. “Come on in. It’s a little messy.”

Penny followed him inside, toeing off her shoes in the front hall. She padded behind Harry as he led her into a den. The large sectional was covered in pillows and blankets and he cleared a spot off on one side of the couch, making room for Penny.

“Make yourself at home,” Harry said, a sniffle punctuating his statement.

“Can I get you anything?” Penny asked.

“You're my guest. Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

“But you’re sick.”

Harry shrugged. “There’s water, juice, beer, and wine in the kitchen. There might be some ginger ale left as well.”

“Ooh my favorite.”

“Help yourself. I’ll have one too.”

Penny grabbed a couple of cans from the fridge, trying not to gawk at the gourmet kitchen around her. “Ice?” she called over her shoulder.

“No thanks.”

She handed Harry one of the cans and they popped the tabs in synchronicity, grinning at their timing.

“Should we be drinking to your health?” Penny asked, before sipping from the can.

Harry grinned. “I can use any and all well wishes. This just knocked me out. I can’t remember the last time I was that sick.” He shuddered as if reliving a traumatic memory.

“It must have been pretty rough. I was worried about not hearing from you.” That was a normal thing to say, right? Penny was suddenly second guessing her words. “I mean just because we had the plans for the show,” she quickly explained.

“No, I apologize. I wasn’t really with it for a couple of days and was pretty useless. Thankfully I had some people looking out for me.”

At that moment, there was nothing Penny wanted to know more than who these people were. “That’s nice. I’m assuming Jeff stopped by?”

Harry nodded. “And Glenne. They brought me some soup and bread. Glenne is Jeff’s girlfriend,” he clarified.

“Oh.”

“And now you are stopping by. I’ve clearly got a village looking after me.”

“Um, yeah.” Penny didn’t know what was wrong with her. On the drive over, she’d been filled with thoughts of what she’d say when she saw Harry, but now that she was with him her mind was blank. “How does it work when you're sick? Like do you have to take a sick day?” What the fuck kind of question was that, she thought to herself. She took a sip of ginger ale.

“Uh, like not really. Sometimes I try to work through it but since we aren’t on a hard deadline I just tried to take it easy. Figured taking a few days off might also help me get in a better place creatively.” He stroked his chin. “Not sure that worked but I guess we’ll find out soon.”

Penny stared at Harry until she realized it was her turn to speak. “I do a similar thing when I have writer’s block.”

Harry looked at her questioningly. “Get sick?”

“No, like, try to take a break.” She took another sip of her drink. “This is weird. I didn’t mean to intrude. I’m just going to head out.” She rose from the couch.

“Why is it weird?” Harry asked, voice still strained from his illness. “We were going to the show tonight, why can’t we just hang out here instead? Watch a movie or something? Play a board game?”

Penny laughed. “A board game?”

“I happen to be a next level Scrabble player.”

“Is that so?”

Harry nodded. “And I can prove it to you if you’ll stay and play with me.”

Penny rubbed her thumb along her can, catching a drop of condensation. What did this mean – the two of them hanging out together without a concert or shop talk as a buffer. The two of them alone in Harry’s house altered the stakes in a significant way. The lines between source and friend and whatever else was lurking in the background were significantly blurred and she felt like she was playing with fire. “Sure,” she said. “Just let me send these tickets to Chloe so someone can make use of them.”

“Great! I’ll find the game.”

Just as Penny pressed the transfer button, Harry reappeared, a worn and well-loved Scrabble box in his hand. “Get comfortable, I’m serious,” he said, easing down onto the floor and setting the Scrabble board up on the coffee table.

Penny shrugged off her cardigan, laying it on the couch behind her before joining Harry on the floor. “How does this work?”

“You’ve never played?” he asked incredulously as Penny shook her head. “How is that even possible?”

“I don’t know,” Penny laughed. “I just never played. I’m honestly not a huge board game person.”

“I can’t believe I let you into my house,” Harry deadpanned. “Not a board game person! Madness!”

Penny rolled her eyes. “Just shut up and teach me how to play.”

Harry started explaining the rules as finished setting up the pieces and Penny tried not to giggle at his excitement and the way he tripped over his words as he laid everything out for her. It wasn’t a complicated game and Penny quickly caught on, relishing the few times she was able to land a double or triple word score, much to Harry’s chagrin.

“I thought you said you hadn’t played before!” he exclaimed.

“I haven’t!”

“How are you so good?”

“Harry, I write for a living and it’s a word game, not fucking brain surgery.”

“Beginner’s luck!”

“Or maybe I’m just better than you!”

They were in the middle of their second game before Penny realized that they hadn’t said a thing about their jobs. No mention of new albums or concerts or studio executives or editors. And the conversation managed to feel easy. It felt like she was with someone she’d known forever, and she loved how comforting that felt.

As they were finishing up the game, Penny could see that Harry’s energy was waning. His laughter didn’t quite reach his eyes anymore and he seemed a little dazed after a couple of coughing fits. “Would you want to switch to a movie or something?” she suggested gently.

“That would be nice,” he relented after a moment’s hesitation. “I’m going to make some tea before, though. Would you like some?”

“Sure, I can help.”

Harry looked like he was about to protest but after glancing at Penny, he abandoned whatever he was about to say, gesturing for her to lead the way. They stood side by side in the kitchen as the water boiled, and Penny tried not to shiver when Harry’s hand grazed hers as he handed her a teabag. Beverages in hand, they made their way back to the couch. Harry stretched out, fishing for the remote among the cushions and Penny plopped down across from him. Harry flicked through the various films available turning to Penny every so often to gauge her opinion before finally settling on a comedy they’d both seen before.

For the first half of the film, they made each other laugh, reciting the memorable lines along with the actors on screen, but after an hour or so, Penny heard an odd noise coming from where Harry was sprawled. His head was resting on the arm of the couch and he had his arms folded over his chest, as if he was trying to curl into himself. His chest rose and fell evenly as soft snores came from his lips. The moment felt too intimate and Penny felt as though she should avert her eyes. But try as she might, she couldn’t.

This was the Harry she’d gotten to know over the past few weeks, the one who was vulnerable and second guessed himself and who cared about things so deeply he let them consume him. The one who looked out for those around him and was surprised when people did the same for him. The Harry who wanted to be her friend.

In that moment, everything clicked for Penny and she felt like she was seeing clearly for the first time in weeks. She couldn’t betray Harry. She’d figure out another way to deal with Darren and find the career changing scoop, but she couldn’t risk losing Harry. If she was this concerned about not hearing from him for three days, what would happen if he was out of her life forever?

Penny wasn’t sure what she was supposed to do with her newfound clarity, but being in Harry’s presence in the wake of the revelation felt suffocating. She needed to get out of his house. Gingerly, she reached over to turn the television off before placing a blanket over his sleeping form. She grabbed her cardigan and shoved her feet in her shoes only to open the door and come face to face with Jeff.

“Heeeyyy,” he said cautiously. “What are you doing here?”

“Hi!” Penny said quickly, stepping out onto the porch and gently closing the door behind her. “How are you?”

“Fine. I-I don’t mean to be rude but I’m just confused as to what you’re doing here.” Jeff laughed lightly.

“So Harry and I were supposed to go to a concert tonight but I hadn’t heard from him in a couple of days and when I texted him about meeting up he didn’t respond and I was a little worried so I came over to check on him.” The words all came out in a weird, breathy, rushed whisper.

“Right,” Jeff said slowly. “Why are you whispering?”

“Because Harry’s asleep.” Penny’s eyes widened hearing her own words. “He fell asleep. After we played Scrabble. And watched a movie. I think he’s still on the mend.”

“You hung out with him?”

Penny nodded. “Yeah, I didn’t plan on staying but he invited me in and it seemed like he wanted company sooo…”

“Yeah, no that’s great,” Jeff said. “I’ve just been checking in on him on my way home each night and I know some others have too but I was just surprised to see you here.” He grinned. “Quite different from how things were a month ago.”

“Mhmm,” was all Penny could get out. “I should probably go.” She darted around Jeff and half walked half jogged down the path, fishing for her keys in her bag while she did so. When she managed to unlock the door, she gave Jeff a casual wave before driving off.

“They just need to fuck,” Jeff said to himself, shaking his head before heading inside.

Harry was jolted awake by the sound of the front door closing, and looked around the room confused as to where his companion had gone. “Penny?” he rasped.

“Nope, just me,” Jeff said, poking his head around the corner. “Don’t mean to disappoint you.”

“You’re the farthest thing from a disappointment, Jeffrey. Penny was just here earlier and I just assumed...”

“I know, I ran into her on the way out.”

Harry frowned as he ran his hand through his messy curls. “She left without saying goodbye.”

Jeff shrugged. “I guess. She said you were asleep and looked like she was in a rush. Maybe she had better things to do than watch the guy who refuses to admit he’s in love with her sleep for two hours.”

“I -”

“Don’t fight it, H. We all see it.”

“There’s nothing to see, Jeffrey.”

Jeff sat down on the edge of the coffee table looking Harry directly in the eye. “H, I’ve known you a long time and because of that, I’d like to think I know you better than most. Something’s been going on with you this year. You’ve been…off. You said Japan was going to reset you but it didn’t seem like it worked. I mean the way you treated Penny those first couple of times.” He exhaled. “That wasn’t you. But the past few weeks, it’s like a switch has been flipped. You’re writing again, you seem happy, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this happened after you’ve gotten to know Penny.”

Harry refused to meet Jeff’s eyes, keeping his gaze on the wall behind him. “I feel like Penny understands me in a way no one else does. It’s like I don’t even have to explain things to her. She just gets it, gets me. But that’s it.”

“Oh, is that all?”

“Yeah, we’re friends.”

Jeff pursed his lips. “So if she wanted to go to dinner and then…I don’t know…have sex after you’d say no? Since you all are ‘just friends.’” He made air quotes with his fingers as he said the last two words. “If she said you should call it a date instead of dinner, you wouldn’t want that?”

“Yeah.”

“Look me in the eyes and tell me that, H.”

Harry turned his head and looked Jeff dead in the eye. “Penny and I are just friends and I don’t want to sleep with her. Or date her.”

Jeff held his gaze. “You’ve always been a shit liar, H.”

***

Penny couldn’t sleep that night, her mind replaying her day with Harry again and again. She knew what she needed to do now, but that didn’t make things any easier.

She couldn’t move forward with the article…that was a given. But Harry…she didn’t know what to do about him. There was no way he could feel the same about her. He just couldn’t. And to put herself out there? Be that vulnerable with him? Now that was a recipe for disaster.

She closed her eyes and willed herself to fall asleep. But as she counted sheep, all she could think of was how much she wished Harry were lying next to her.

***

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[yanderes-galore]

had gotten past the ep where we finally meet toxic rick yesterday ( also known as gunk! rick )

may i have a yandere toxic! rick concept or short ? you pick ^_^

Of course! Just keep in mind, there's going to be swearing if I do voicelines as that's just his character- No banner yet, will make one later ^^ Also, this an AU of the episode he's from. I had a concerning amount of brainrot for this idea so, it's a hybrid of a concept and short. Feedback is appreciated!

Note: This could seriously be a story all on its own, damn-

Color Guide

Rick - Healthy Rick

Rick - Toxic Rick

Morty - Healthy Morty

Morty - Toxic Morty

Yandere! Toxic/Gunk Rick Concept

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Swearing (Like a lot of it, I went all out to be in character), Obsession, Manipulation, Sadism, Threats, Being covered in gunk, Disgusting behavior, Using gunk to mark you (?), Biting, Possessive behavior, Kidnapping, Dark themes, Toxic behavior obviously, This character is really dark, Selfish behavior, Moral conflict, Murder mentioned, Carving names into flesh mention, Implied regular Rick is Yandere, Healthy Rick x Reader also implied, Man I am sorry you had to see me go all out on the dark toxicity in this, but gotta keep it in character, For horror purposes all of this is wrong.

- Oh... where do I even start with him?

- His base personality alone is aggressive, egotistical, and entitled.

- Although he is protective of his Morty-

- He'd be a problem for you from the start.

- Once he's out of that container, it's like you let out a demon.

- Now, let's say in this concept, Regular Rick loved you.

- He could be Yandere for you and hide it well until he seperates the toxic traits from himself.

- That means Healthy Rick still loves you, but it's like... y'know, normal?

- He treats you well, expresses affection, overall is amazing to you.

- It's a welcome change.

- Meanwhile Toxic Rick recieves all of the Yandere traits.

- While he's in that container, he's panicked.

- He can't find you.

- He sees his stupid Morty, but he can't find you!

- You still plague his mind yet he can't have you-

- He is going to, of course, blame Rick and his Morty.

- He cares for his Morty but also blames him for... everything.

- Then he hates Rick because he has you and Rick doesn't.

- "God damn it, Morty! That Rick has (Y/N). Keeping (Y/N) all for himself like the selfish prick he is!"

- It's very ironic that he thinks Rick is the selfish one.

- Once he's able to see you again, it's when Rick, Morty, and you check the monitor on the machine to fuse them with their counterparts.

- Then he sees you... and goes feral.

- "THERE YOU ARE! WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH HIM!? YOU'RE MINE, ALWAYS HAVE BEEN. GET ME OUT OF HERE, HE DOESN'T DESERVE YOU."

- Rick is suddenly upset about having to fuse with... him.

- "Agh... (Y/N), was I really like that? I'm sorry... I hope I can better myself when this is over. Go home, I'll take care of this."

- You embrace Rick, as you prefer this version, then run home.

- Rick starts screaming about this but you refuse to listen.

- You didn't want to be there when Rick has to fuse with... that-

- "Just text me when it's over...."

- This begins your long wait at home.

- You watch TV and try to put your mind at ease.

- It'll be okay, Rick is still... well himself, he'll text when things are okay.

- You get no text, much to your fear.

- You actually get a knock on the door.

- One a bit too intense.

- "Heyyy, baby, I know you're in there."

- You say nothing, backing away from the door and quickly look for an alternate route.

- "You're going to ignore me now, aren't you!? All because you think you deserve some piece of shit like that other Rick. You don't, no, you never did."

- Another bang on the door, it sounds like he threw himself at it.

- "You get to have ME. The ONLY one good enough for YOU. WHY WOULD I JUST LET YOU GET WITH SOMEONE ELSE, HUH!? Open this fucking door!"

- You refuse and leave to find your other door.

- "MORTY! BE USEFUL AND BLOCK THE OTHER DOOR."

- You're running at this point, trying to open your secondary door.

- It doesn't move and you hear whimpering from the other side.

- You panic when you hear your front door burst open.

- "I'm sick and tired of sharing...."

- You mutter 'no' as Rick corners you like a large cat.

- "Come on, baby, it's not like I'll let you leave without me anyway. Want to know why?"

- He leans closer, disgusting slimy hand touching your cheek.

- "Because. You're. MINE!"

- Toxic Rick's Yandere behavior is Obsessive, Manipulative, Possessive, Sadistic, Violent, Protective, and Egotistical.

- He makes things all about him.

- He also uses Morty against you.

- Rick gets Morty to help him keep you.

- He also makes you feel bad for Morty.

- "Love him, don't you? I love him too, but you shouldn't love him more than me. You don't, right!?"

- He's obsessive over you.

- Probably likes to spread gunk all over you in a disgusting attempt to show you're his.

- Yet that's expected of someone literally having toxic in his name.

- He's manipulative and forceful.

- He'll get you to do what he wants with threats, usually threatening you or others around you.

- Possessive... like more than Normal Rick surprisingly.

- Normal Rick atleast holds it back at times.

- Toxic Rick? No, not in the slightest.

- He does everything to show who you're meant to be with.

- Covering you in gunk, biting, violence, tight holds, he hates the idea of giving you up.

- Gets so pissed when you try to wash off the gunk, too.

- "What the hell do you think you're doing, (Y/N)!?"

- Would probably be the type of Yandere to carve his name into your flesh.

- Would be incredibly sadistic with making you in pain.

- Especially with punishment.

- He finds your pain delightful and wants you to regret considering leaving him.

- He would kill people in a heartbeat.

- Probably sets up a security system around the perimeter of your house to see if anyone comes near you.

- Especially that other Rick or any like him.

- Like with his Morty, he can be protective at times.

- Although it's hard to tell between his possessive and protective behavior.

- Lastly, he's egotistical.

- He feels he is a God over you.

- You should worship him as he is what you deserve.

- He dehumanizes you by forcing you in his lap, patting your head like you're a domestic animal.

- You cringe the whole time, feeling his gunk seep onto your skin.

- You can't get rid of it, like you can't get rid of him.

- You hope Rick is okay and is working on a way to save you....

- You miss him and Rick can tell.

- This angers him but no matter what he does, you don't change your ways.

- "GIVE HIM UP! You have me! You only need me!"

- His affection and behavior is disgusting and filthy.

- Once Rick does find you, one way or another, he's surprised at your condition.

- You're covered in flith and gunk, head to toe in green.

- You then dart towards him and cling to him, scream crying.

- "RICK! GET RID OF HIM, PLEASE, I WAS WAITING FOR YOU."

- Rick is now on edge on what he needs to do.

- If he gets rid of Rick, he'll never be himself.

- If he fuses with him, however... who's to say he won't be just as bad as this?

- Is this how he truly feels about you?

- To the point of being a monster?

- What's the right course of action in this scenario?

- He looks down at you in sympathy...

- If he fuses with Rick again, does he really deserve you?

[samcarpentersgirlfriend]

hii, can you please do a liv mckenzie x fem!reader headcanon? like, an enemies to lovers where liv doesn’t like reader at first, then slowly falls for her. thank you sm <33

thank you for the request, writing for liv is so fun <3 hopefully this is what you wanted!!

ENEMIES TO LOVERS HCS || LIV MCKENZIE X READER 𖤐₊˚.

warnings: swearing, fem!reader, mentions of reader wearing makeup, a little bit of chad bashing but it’s just for story purposes… I love him i promise <3 I’ve never done enemies to lovers before so sorry if anything feels off or rushed

⨯ . ⁺ ✦ ⊹ ꙳ ⁺ ‧ ⨯. ⁺ ✦ ⊹ . * ꙳ ✦ ⊹

- the funny thing is, nobody even really remembers why you and liv are seemingly incapable of getting along together.

- all anybody knows is that innocent conversations within the group slowly divulge into petty arguments between you and liv, snarky comments exchanged constantly.

- for example, one time, a conversation about where everybody wanted to eat quickly turned into a utterly unrelated spat.

- “liv, did you even listen to a fucking word I said just then?”

- “no, because every word you say is stupid!”

- “wow, harsh. how long did it take you to come up with that one, hannah montana?”

- “you know, I’m not stupid. maybe if you got off of your high horse and stopped judging me for once-

- “why should I, when you make it so easy! besides, if you want to talk about judgemental…”

- chad and wes think the two of you’ll work it out eventually, tara doesn’t understand why you can’t just be real friends, amber thinks the bickering is completely entertaining (and instigates most of the time) and mindy thinks you both just need to make up (and make out).

- from why you can tell, liv thinks you’re a prissy, pretentious know-it-all.

- and from what liv can tell, you take her for a shallow party girl with more mini-skirts than brain cells.

- you both try your hardest to avoid each other, but seeing as she was dating chad and tara had been your best friend since you’d moved to woodsboro, so were forced to run in the same circle - because why should one of you have to make new friends just to avoid her?

- but it seems the universe just seems to hate the two of you - because you were forced together constantly.

- you have to sit next to eachother in chemistry and art, and you both live practically right next next door to each other- meaning you walked the same route and, when wes would offer to give you all a ride home, you’d be huddled in the back seat with liv whilst everybody else got dropped off first.

- and you mean huddled; you’d be so close that your legs were touching and you could smell her perfume (it was infuriatingly perfect and reminded you of strawberries and summer and warmth - not that you’d ever tell liv that, though).

- when she’s feeling particularly annoying, liv has a habit of flashing you her most shit eating grin - mostly because she knows it irritates the living hell out of you.

- seriously, most of the time, you want nothing more than to wipe it straight off of her face.

- “liv, I swear, if you don’t stop that right now…”

- “what are you gonna do about it, huh? we both know you’re not gonna stop me- that would require little miss princess to lift a perfect finger!”

- but fine, whatever. she could be as immature as she wanted - you weren’t going to rise to her bait - except from all the times you did, obviously. you regarded yourself as being better than that.

- arguing over partner work in class, and making sure liv knew when you’d scored higher than her in a test.

- really, it was just all pettinesses - but in your defence, it was always liv that started it (at least, you think it is - nowadays, it’s rather difficult to keep track).

- one friday night, when the rest of your family was out of town, you’d thought you’d invite a few people over.

- though, of course, when chad and mindy were involved, a few people turned into practically half of the school.

- seriously, your house was filled to the brim with people you didn’t even recognise - which meant you inevitably bumped into someone and, just your luck, spilt the entire contents of your drinks down the front of your shirt.

- and aw, damn it, you’d liked that shirt. so you were forced to go upstairs in an attempt to find something else to put on - except, when you open your bedroom door, the last person you expect to see is liv mckenzie.

- a crying liv mckenzie, nonetheless, sitting on your bed as mascara runs down her pretty face. and as bad as it sounds, a part of you is tempted to pretend you saw nothing and creep back down to the party, stained shirt and all.

- the thing is though, deep down, you know that it wouldn’t be right - no matter how much you and liv tended to disagree.

- you uncomfortably shuffle beside her as she looks up from her spot on your floor, all teary eyed.

- “shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to intrude in your room. I can go-“

- liv apologising to you is never a good sign, so you catch her arm and slowly urge her to sit back down, imploring what’s wrong.

- “it’s chad! he fucking dumped me- he says there’s somebody else! you know what, I bet it’s tara- I’ve seen the way the look at each other! god, how could I be so stupid?”

- and, oh. you though chad and tara were a little touchy-feely, but you’d never suspected it was like that. and you’d definitely thought chad had more decorum that to dump liv at a party for one of her best friends. god, what a moron.

- you tell liv exactly that - albeit a little awkwardly - and she gives you a smile at that. a real smile.

- “you really think he’s a moron?”

- “yeah. moron, asshole, whatever you want to call him- that was totally shitty of him! and you deserve better than that - better than him.”

- so you change your shirt and sheepishly, you offer to help liv fix hey ruined makeup. and when your fingers brush against her skin as you apply a fresh layer of concealer to her face, you definitely don’t feel jolts of electricity run down your spine. you don’t.

- but you do go to bed that night, after everybody else has finally left, replaying that rare, real smile on a loop in your mind. and you try not to think about what that means.

- and after that night, you make more of an effort. you really, honestly do.

- because when you aren’t too wrapped up in yourself to notice, you realise that liv doesn’t exactly have it easy within the group, what with mindy and amber’s apparent dislike for her as well as your own.

- and sure, she was irritating at times, but that didn’t mean everybody had to call her out on it, right?

- you don’t magically get along immediately - how could you, after months of pointless arguments? - but you seemed to have forged a civil, unspoken agreement; you were the only ones who could insult each other now.

- and even then, insult was too harsh of a word - the jabs became more light hearted, and you slowly found yourself often laughing in retort instead of being on the immediate defensive.

- as much as it pained you to admit it, you start to find yourself often having actual, genuine fun with liv.

- which somehow, happens to lead to the pair of you spending more one-on-one time.

- and before you know it, you’re suddenly going to the mall together, picking out clothes for yourself and each other.

- you find yourself visiting to a lot of museums too, because as it turns out, liv has a total interest in all types of art - and god, who would’ve expected that? maybe you, if you’d actually taken a chance to get to know her when you first met her.

- you start to notice a lot of things about her that you never had in the past: the way she pouted when she was confused, the way she fiddled with her jewellery when she was nervous, and the way most of her necklaces were completely handmade.

- the more you found out about her, the more you wanted to know.

- the first confession between the two of you comes when you were hanging out in a cafe near your houses.

- “you know, I never really hated you,” liv randomly says into the quiet as you take a long sip of your milkshake. “I thought you were annoying as hell, but I never hated you. we just irritated each other- that’s the way it always was with us.”

- you take a second before you speak yourself. “you know, I don’t think I ever really hated you either. hell, I can’t even remember why I was supposed to dislike you in the first place.”

- the realisation is so stupid that you can’t help but laugh, and suddenly, everybody else in the place is staring at the two of you as you giggle over the ridiculous nature of it all.

- by then, the two of you are inseparable. liv even seems to be getting over chad, and she doesn’t even flinch when she sees him and tara holding hands.

- you know the two of you have really bonded when amber comments on your newly discovered friendship, saying how weirdly quiet it is without the bickering and that she wishes you’d hate each other again.

- you both pointedly ignore that comment - well, liv does give her the finger, but that’s neither here nor there :)

- the real confession - rather ironically - comes in the place where you realised that liv mckenzie wasn’t as bad as you’d thought she was; your bedroom. you’re both sprawled out on the bed, legs messily intertwined, as liv flicks through some shitty magazine and declares that she’s found a makeup look that she wants to try out on you.

- “come on, it’ll be funnn!” she promises, and she looks so adorably desperate that you can’t help but give in to her.

- and before long, you find yourself fully vertical on the bed, with liv somehow ending up practically straddling you as she paints your eyes and lips a bright pink .

- “stop moving,” - she warns, so close that you’re breathing in that perfume or hers again. you take a breath, and if fills your lungs once more. “seriously!” she says as you stir, dragging a thumb slowly across the bottom of your lip. “see, you’re smudging it!”

- you don’t care about that, though. it doesn’t even cross your mind. no, instead you’re too focused on how you can see the brilliant blue of liv’s eyes perfectly from this angle, how her pretty pink hair tickles your throat as it spills over her shoulders. how soft her lips look from down here.

- you’ve barely even registered what you’re doing before you’re suddenly leaning up, your lips pressed against hers in an instant. you know she’s not expecting it, what with the way her body tenses up and she all but drops the brush in her hand.

- and no. you’ve gone and ruined it all, you’ve kissed liv and why would you do that because she’s never going to talk to you again and you didn’t even know you liked her like that and-

- and she’s kissing you back, and it’s absolutely perfect. it’s everything you’d never known you were missing in life, and you can’t help but wonder that if you hadn’t wasted all that time arguing, you could e been doing a hell of a lot more of this a damn lot sooner.

- but you just promise yourself you’ll have to make up for all of that wasted time <3

- when you walk into school the next day, hands interlocked, amber nearly throws up, tara gives you a cautious thumbs up, and mindy - well, mindy said it was just a matter of time, and declared that wes owes her 15 bucks.

⊹₊┈ㆍ┈ㆍ┈ㆍ✿ㆍ┈ㆍ┈ㆍ┈₊⊹

(had to insert THE iconic wlw reference pic I was thinking of when I wrote this)

[gaystay]

Forget Me- Aomine Alternate Ending

Genre- angst

Warnings: none!

We pick up partway through the last chapter where Aomine has come knocking on your door.

''Y/N I swear to GOD LET ME IN!''

You ignored your ex boyfriend's yells. After all, you were pretending you weren't home. You had checked several times on your way home to make sure he wasn't following you, but once you realized he might still come to try to talk to you, you shut off all the lights and locked the door. So long as you stayed quiet, he'd eventually have to assume you decided to go somewhere else, right? And then he'd leave. 

Well, sort of. He was stubborn. He also wasn't an idiot. 

''Y/N please, I know you're in there, I just want to talk!'' He continued to plead with you. His voice tugged at your heart, but you resolutely shut him out. He carried on calling out to you, even after he stopped knocking. He clearly didn't buy the idea that you hadn't gone home. He sat outside your door for hours, occasionally calling your name and sobbing quietly. You curled up on the couch and pulled a pillow over your head, trying to block out the sounds of his whimpers before you started crying again too. 

A few hours later, you sat up, realizing the sounds outside had stopped. You sat still, listening tensely. Finally, after several minutes of uneasy silence, you carefully crept up to the door. Pushing up on your toes, you peered through the peep hole as stealthily as you could.  

He was gone. 

You let out a long breath. Finally. If he'd stayed any longer, you might've given in. Aomine wasn't the sort of person to let himself cry in front of anyone else, and he definitely wasn't the type to beg, no matter what, but the way he begged you to let him in... well. You probably wouldn't have lasted much longer. Thank goodness for winter break. So long as you stayed at home and didn't let him in if he came around again, you should be fine. Even when you went back to college in a week, you didn't have any actual classes together. Unfortunately, he knew full well where your dorm was and where your classes were. You'd have a hard time avoiding him then. You sighed. The only thing to do, it seemed, was to get some help from a friend. You tracked down your phone, which was hiding under a couch cushion, and called your high school best friend, who also happened to be an expert on your ex boyfriend. Kise Ryota. 

3 Weeks Later

The snow was melting, leaving campus slushy and slippery. Even 2 weeks back into classes, you still ran from class to class, hoping to avoid Aomine. He tried so many times to reach you, but you blocked him everywhere. As you expected, when classes started up again, he came around to your dorm looking for you. Your roommate, blessed girl that she was, patiently turned him away every time. You were too busy, you were taking a nap, you weren't back yet, or, when he'd had enough of excuses, you simply wouldn't see him. 

After that, he started trying to catch you before or after classes, but he was out of his depth there. He was used to you waiting at the front of the crowd for him, trying to make yourself seen. You hid at the back of the crowd, hiding in clumps of much taller, bigger people. You took alternate routes and used secondary entrances to lecture halls and any classrooms that had other doors. You had a couple awkward run ins with some of his friends, but while they wished you would talk to him, they agreed not to tell him where to find you. They knew that if you wanted to be found, you'd let him find you. Clearly you didn't.  

Your roommate was an angel, but she was tired of turning away the distraught boy, and often asked you to just talk to him and get it over with. Your closest friends supported you in your choices, but they had their own things going on, and didn't often have the time to talk about the Aomine situation.   

Kise was your rock. He always made time for you, checking in on you multiple times a day. He was always protective, but even more so now. He took care of you, helping you let out all of the emotions you had concerning your ex boyfriend. He even arranged for you to have a little closure, which at first had you feeling horribly guilty, but Kise was there for every second of it, helping you through it. He wasn't at the same college, but he was close enough that he came to visit you every weekend, taking you around town and hanging out with you so you didn't have to be lonely or sad. You hadn't been so alone in a long time, your days were filled with your interactions with Aomine, and now he wasn't a part of your life. You were the one who cut him out, but you still missed the time you spent together. Kise made up for it. He knew full well you needed contact. You needed people. And he was more than happy to be that person for you. 

A month went by, then two. You began to stop worrying about Aomine. He seemed to have gotten the message, since you hadn't seen him near your classes in ages. You still avoided places he might be out of habit, but it was no longer a priority. Your friends weren't as busy lately, and you spent many happy hours out with them, enjoying their company. Your roommate had been integrated into your little group, and the few of you made a cheerful party. Lately, you had developed a routine. You and the girls chose a restaurant in town to visit every wednesday, since none of you had morning classes the day after, and Kise came down to see you every friday, staying in your dorm for the weekend. Your roommate had family in town that she stayed with on weekends, so Kise was free to use your dorm when he came around. You had gotten much closer with him in the last two months. Friday was your favorite day of the week now, for more reasons than one. He was always so cheerful, so sweet, so happy to see you. Seeing him tended to make you forget about everyone else.      

6 Months Later

''Whew! That was a long act!'' You fanned yourself with the playbill. ''It's so damn hot in there.''  

''Oh sorry, I think that's me.'' Your boyfriend chuckled. You pushed him, grinning. 

''Shut the fuck up, Ryota.'' He smiled back, his blonde hair falling into his eyes. He was so adorable, you thought, so wonderful.   

''Ah, you know you love it.'' He winked. ''I'll grab us some drinks, 'kay babe?'' He pecked your cheek and slipped off through the crowd. You watched him go with a dopey smile. Man, you loved that idiot!  

''Y-Y/N? That you?''

Fuck. 

You knew that voice. 

You turned. Slowly. Incredulously. He didn't like plays. He didn't know anybody who did theatre. What the HELL was he doing at the school production???

''H-hi.'' You managed a lame wave. He gave you a lopsided smile.

''Man, I haven't seen you in forever.'' 

''Ah, yeah...''

''So... how've you been?'' He rubbed the back of his neck, clearly uncomfortable. You shuffled your feet, trying to think of what to say.

''I've been good, I guess. Pretty good, yeah.'' You tried for a smile.  

''Oh good, good. Was that Kise just now?''  

''Oh yeah, he just went for some drinks.'' You tried for a casual demeanor. You hoped it paid off. Aomine suddenly developed an interest in his shoes, eyes not leaving the ground.

 ''So... are you guys... like-'' he glanced up, catching your eye for a second before immediately looking away. He took a deep breath. ''You're with him now aren't you.''   

It wasn't a question. Instantly, all the blood came rushing to your cheeks, making you want to hide in a corner. You had to remind yourself to breathe. He was looking up at you now, emotions running rampant all over his face. He wasn't over you, that much was clear. You took a deep breath, finally finding the words you needed him to hear after months of ignoring him. 

''Daiki, I-''

''Wait,'' he cut in. ''I know what you're going to say. I'm not gonna ask for you back, Y/N, I can tell you love him. I still-'' his voice cracked, but he kept going. ''I still love you. But so does he. And you chose him. So I won't get in your way. I just want you to be happy.'' He sniffed a bit, and with a start, you realized his eyes were glistening. He really still loved you. His words tore at your heart, especially since he assumed you thought he would try to get in between you and Kise. You really had hurt him terribly. You should have spoken to him long ago, but you were always to scared. But now it was time.    

''Daiki... no. I never thought that of you. I need to tell you something.'' He looked up, surprised.  ''A few months ago... Kise realized who your friend was. The girl I saw you with. I didn't realize he knew her too. He brought her to come see me. She- she told me everything. How you asked her for help for our anniversary...'' You paused, breathing much faster than you should be. ''You never cheated on me Daiki. I should have listened to you. I should have let you explain. I'm sorry. I didn't give you a chance. It's all my fault. I should never have assumed the worst of you. Can you ever forgive me?'' 

Silence. 

Not quite silence. He was hiccuping quietly, and so now were you, both of you trying to hold back tears once again.  

''I- I don't know what- what to say to this.'' He managed. You nodded, looking anywhere but his face. 

''I know. I'm sorry Daiki, I really am.'' You whispered. 

''You could've told me when you found out. Why didn't you?'' 

''I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I didn't know how to tell you! I thought it was too late. I thought you'd be angry!''

He straightened indignantly.

''Angry? At you? Fuck, Y/N, I would've just been glad you were talking to me again! I just wanted you back! And now- now you've moved on, huh?'' 

You nodded, avoiding his piercing gaze. 

''I have, Daiki. I'm sorry. I really did love you, you know. But now you need to forget me.''

''But-''

''Forget me, Daiki! You''ll find someone else! A better girl! Someone who won't do what I did! You deserve better anyway.'' You turned, scanning the crowd for Kise. He sniffled behind you.  

''There won't be anyone better than you, Y/N.'' 

You waited for him to say something else. He never did. After a minute you turned, but there was no sign of him in the crowd. He was gone.  

Several minutes later, Kise popped up at your elbow. 

''Sorry baby, the line was crazy long!'' He handed you a cup. You took it wordlessly, still staring out at the sea of people, searching for signs of the blue haired boy, but he was nowhere to be found. Kise frowned, catching onto your faraway look. ''Babe, what's wrong? Something happen while I was gone?'' 

''I saw him.''

''And?''

''He... still loves me.''  

''Oh.'' 

''He might hate me now. I knew he didn't cheat and I never tried to apologize to him until now.''

''Oh baby-''

''I'm a horrible person, aren't I?''

The lights flickered, an indication that the second act was about to start. Kise sighed.

''Don't you worry about that. Let's go back in for now, then we'll go back to the dorms, ok?'' 

You nodded, but you were barely paying attention to him. It was all your fault all along. You threw away the most wonderful relationship. You took Aomine's love and trust and trashed it because you were stubborn. You didn't know just how badly you'd hurt him, but in retrospect, your foolishness was glaring. Once you knew, you should have reached out to him, even just to make amends. Even just to apologize. Instead, you let him suffer, believing that the girl he loved still thought he betrayed her.  

''Forget me,'' you had told him. Forget me, but would you ever forget him?

[whoredmode]

for the prompts, i need dexteros doing a pinky swear

i’ll be waiting patiently 🙏

touching - send me two characters and a prompt for art and possibly some writing

31. doing a pinky swear

I.

Dex’s youngest sister insists that friends have to do it. Anteros laughs as she furrows her little brow; she remains unimpressed with their apparent indifference towards the gesture.

“You have to do it!” She pouts.

“Okay, okay!” Anteros relents, hands up in surrender while Dex rolls his eyes. Anteros is the first to put his pinky up, more easily persuaded by the demands of a seven year old, or perhaps more quick to embrace the saccharinity of schoolyard traditions. Dex matches his stance, failing to hide his embarrassed smile as the two entwine their pinkies.

“You happy now, Bri?” Dex turns to her, exasperated but not unhappy, their fingers still hooked together.

She nods triumphant, giggling like she’s gotten away with something as she runs back to her other brother on the jungle gym.

Dex looks back to Anteros and their eyes meet as they both chuckle in wordless contentment.

Neither wants to be the first to break away.

II.

The longer it went on, the harder it was stay away. Their days had become a cycle, a repetitive blur of working and planning, occasionally punctuated by the outcome of said plans—which usually meant Anteros going off and doing something dangerous. Dex would accompany him at times, but—though he’d never outright admit it to the others no matter how obvious—he preferred to be the tactician for now. As long as he got his due credit, he could live with staying away from the action.

It didn’t matter though, because as the days continued and the nights got longer, the feeling in the pit of Dex’s stomach only grew. He’d started to hate having to watch him leave. He chided himself for knowing just how much they needed each other. He wasn’t immune to the yearnings of his twenties, of just wanting to run away from it all. It was pointless to love someone in circumstances like this.

But when the day was over and they went back to their apartment together and they could hold each other without worry, suddenly everything made sense. He no longer wanted to run away, not without Anteros. When he could feel his caress and taste the smoke on his lips and fall asleep in his arms, it was this he knew he needed. This, this is why he needed to save Stilwater. This, his home. This, his promise to himself.

III.

Dex watches as Anteros argues on the phone outside. It was a trait he’d noticed early on in their relationship: Anteros couldn’t talk on the phone without pacing. He walks in an imperfect circle in the parking lot, hands trying to comb through his hair but getting caught in his curls. He’s stressed, but just as quick as the call began, it ends, and Anteros hurries back to the car.

“So this alderman guy, Hughes? Told me to meet him on his fucking yacht.” Anteros lights his cigarette while Dex rolls down the windows. “And after the stunt we just pulled, I think we’ll get Julius back.”

Dex is half-listening, his mind still catching up with the rest of his body, adrenaline from earlier still overwhelming him. He felt more anchored seeing Anteros appear so collected.

“He wants to meet you now?” Dex asks, more delayed in his response than he would’ve liked. He begins to drive back, silently opting for the scenic route.

“Yeah. In like an hour or two.” Anteros flicks his cigarette out the window. “Hey, let’s go get dinner when I’m done.”

Dex feels an uncharacteristic wave of relief at the suggestion.

“Alright.” Dex smirks. “But don’t be fucking late. I know you like to take schedules as a suggestion.”

Anteros throws his head back and laughs at the remark, but his voice is clear and sincere as he reaches for Dex’s hand and replies: “I promise.”

[the-rogue-mockingjay]

ohh um. let's go with some ishgardians, how about haurche and aymeric?

OH BOY DO I HAVE SOME THOUGHTS ABOUT THEM, I AM UTTERLY DERANGED ABT BOTH OF THEM

I totally didn't have to Google what bbg means djskdsjjs

Starting with Haurche!

HE FASCINATES ME. He has so much anger, mostly righteous anger, and he could've taken the easy route and been bitter and cold but NO he CHOSE to be kind!!!!! He chose to be a light in the darkness!!!! He was like the sun!!!!!!! He's everything to me!!!!

Also I'd swear he has ADHD lol. I love that his organizational skills were garbage and that his preferred method of dealing with paperwork was to just stuff it in a drawer somewhere 😂 ah I love him, he was the best he was EVERYTHING, the one person who was happy to help you and didn't ask for a million favors first even when you were a stranger 😭 I am thinking of him always.

"Who else could I love but you?"

When Edmont said "Know that wheresoever you may go, my son's spirit goes with you", he was completely correct, no exaggeration!!!!! He is with you every step of the way!!!!

Okay, now for my blue knight!!!

Look it's easy to dismiss him as a pretty face + paragon of virtue too perfect mf but LISTEN!!!!! He's so much more than that!!!! He is the loneliest person in Ishgard, no competition!!! He holds himself to absurd standards, he holds himself responsible for the choices + future of an ENTIRE NATION, he is so full of self-loathing, the only person that has a bigger guilt complex than him is the Warrior of Light themselves!!!!!

He's the only person in the game who asks WoL what they want for themselves, outside of their duties as a Scion. Like Haurche, he's one of the few who always sees WoL as a person!!! He never sees you as a weapon, never takes advantage of you, he lights up like a damn puppy dog when he sees you and he worries about you 😭 he left Ghimlyt and went home to Ishgard and stayed there exactly long enough to see you wake up and to know you'd be okay T^T

Also I've been thinking for days about the parallels between WoL, Aymeric, and Hien, and the way that they can understand WoL's struggles; there aren't many who can, I think. Just them and Estinien really (off the top of my head anyway dsdjsjdks, though there's also an argument to be made for G'raha). Anyway long story short, I think Aymeric and Hien should be friends and we were robbed that they never interact in-game 😔 and I still laugh when I remember how gobsmacked Aymeric was at Hien's grand entrance to the battle for Ala Mhigo.

Fjskdjsjdj I could write so many essays abt him but this is the tl;dr of it 😂 I care abt him so much!!!!! Give him a break, squenix!!!!! More than anything I want to get one of those weird dungeons with him like the one with Nanamo and Mount Rokkon with Hancock. Please!! I want to adventure with him!!!

[swiftcola]

okay so i like m3. love it even. the story, the characters, the setting. but obviously it suffers massively from the repetitive uninspired gameplay replacing what could've been a story-rich experience. i've made a few posts before about how i wish it had been and like m3 i like repeating myself so. here's more

the game starts out like any other mafia game. lincoln spends maybe five chapter's worth of time with sammy and ellis before they die. then he recruits cassandra, vito, burke, by helping them kill certain people & establish home territory. there's the sit down, and then the main story splits into 3 separate storylines you can play anytime and in any order. still free roam, so you can explore the map and do whatever, and the missions would appear as icons, like in gta for example. the gameplay is completely different, there's no missions that require hours running around repeating the same 3 tasks. instead you go on missions with the bosses or their seconds (nicki, emmanuel, alma). all of the 3 routes have a set story, enemy rackets, and enemy lieutenants, etc. that each of your 3 bosses wants to take over: for business or personal reasons. missions will be as diverse as they were in mde and m2. after completing a mission, a stronghold will appear on the map (the racket warehouses). but instead of all that prep work you usually have to do, you can just go in and take these over in one go. taking the strongholds isn't required, but doing so bolsters your income and changes ally attitudes towards you: from distrusting but co-operative to appreciative and even loyal. after taking them, lincoln can also make decisions for the better or worse of the city. keep running things this way for a quick payout, or work hard and improve things, invest, for a better city in the long-run.

burke is in a bad way, and about a third of the way into his storyline, he's hospitalised and nicki has to step up. vito dies, passing the mafia franchise baton onto lincoln, just as tommy's death secured vito as the new protagonist. i think it would be a fitting death for him to go out on his own terms after all the shit he's been through. go out taking someone down, finally making a change for the better, sticking it to the mob. i think he would sacrifice himself during the final mission in his storyline, the fight against his designated enemy capo, to ensure lincoln & alma can escape.

sorry, but there's no john donovan. a change of gameplay would make him pretty useless. and imo the initial dossiers he produces for lincoln are just so redundant. the game establishes connections between lincoln and the haitians, burke & vito, before john even arrives. and honestly i don't think there's anything donovan can tell us that we couldn't learn from our local allies. instead, he's replaced with a solider. the only other guy lincoln shipped out with who survived. they say goodbye to each other just before ellis picks lincoln up. drifting in and out of consciousness, lincoln asks father james to find him. his last brother. lincoln swears up and down that they're equals but the two naturally fall into a kind of military hierarchy. lincoln orders him around and he's more than willing to help. perhaps he's also been struggling to return to civilian life, and despite being traumatised by war, he welcomes the structure & purpose lincoln gives him. this man becomes lincoln's second, handles things for him, gathers recon. he approaches lincoln a few times, wanting to talk about his feelings and what happened in vietnam. lincoln can either choose to ignore him ("i don't want to talk about it.") or listen, comfort, and connect with him. if lincoln ignores him too many times, he ends up dying somehow.

i haven't put much thought into who gets which rackets/enemies specifically, but i know cassandra would want to take out the southern union. this gets her frisco fields if i remember correctly, and i think this could introduce a very interesting series of side quests in which you help the voice (or possibly roxy) bring about serious change in this district. i've thought about them helping Black folks move in, protecting them. those first few people will be met with serious resistance, but lincoln helping them to stand their ground will pave the way for more to come. eventually you get cassandra-protected Black businesses, and lincoln can now enter buildings and stores that were previously segregated, opening up more of the map. i know segregation doesn't work that simply, but i'm thinking in terms of expanding gameplay while still keeping m3's discussion of important issues. father james gets his own sidequests too, which help to bring lincoln back down to earth and shine more light on his background, motivations etc. (actually fleshed out with cutscenes and action etc. instead of just going over to talk to him and swiftly moving on) and of course our solider would get his own sidequests. that means the 3 sidequest givers, the voice, father james, and the soldier, each illuminate some different struggle lincoln is going through.

following the death of sal's capos, the storylines reconnect, your 3 bosses reunite (now cassandra, nicki, and alma (i think this would have to depend on your loyalty level with vito and alma. low loyalty alma could possibly turn against lincoln for getting vito killed): who get along much better), and the last few missions are about taking the fight directly to sal. lincoln is not in this alone, he has a lot of allies now who help him push into the casino and up the levels. how much care lincoln gives to others and to the city will be reflected back on him at the end. if he took over ruthlessly and used people carelessly, you get a bad ending. if he helped others and tried to change things for the better, he gets a good ending, etc.

misc stuff: vehicle stores (cars, boats, bikes), purchasing property (businesses, safe houses, garages, boat storehouses), clothing stores, and recreational activities PLEASE

[mikimeiko]

February 04th, 2023

Getting up super early after a week from hell to go to the sea. The sky is clear and spring is in the air; we could be below zero again next week, so if not now when.

I love when you walk out of a train station and what you see is this.

But! The sky is not as clear here as it was a couple of cities ago, so I'll just wander for 40 minutes here and then go back up a little with the next train (did I mention I love train passes? Because I do, and this is one of the reasons why).

Yeah this is more likely!

I swear Genova Nervi must have its own microclimate, the sun is so hot that I almost regret not wearing a t-shirt under my winter clothing. I love this place with its walkway right above the sea <3 I also found some pretty good focaccia and farinata :D (this is supposed to be easy in Liguria but for some reason I always have frustrating experiences while looking for focaccia here ^_^')

Every time I'm at Nervi station I just... Can you imagine this being your commuter station? The place where you go every day to to get a train to work? AH.

Ok so I walked and listened to the sea and ate the focaccia... Should I be a normal person and stay in the area or should I make take the round way through another region to go home? :3

This train I'm gettin, the Genua-Acqui Terme, is the same train I took on my first post vaccine day trip - the one where I had this small breakdown XD the first part where it crosses the Alps is as gorgeous and moving today as it was in 2021.

A family passed in front of me while I was eating my dark chocolate and hazelnut ice cream, and this three year old girl, in the arms of her mum, just looked at me and said "gelato" approvingly XD

The last train I was planning on taking to get home is a trenord train, and thus not covered by my train pass >:( and since I really don't want to spend almost 10 euros I'll have to reroute. I'll have to change 3 trains and it'll take me 1 hour more with little to no wait time between trains (I would have had time for a short visit to Alessandria with the other train) I solved the puzzle and I'm very happy with myself :D

I did not, in fact, solve the puzzle. Or well, I did, but while looking for alternatives and timetables I somehow failed to notice that I could have stayed in Alessandria instead of going back and forth to Asti, since the train I'm taking from Asti to Tortona... goes through Alessandria D:

But! I saw the full moon from Asti train station, so maybe this is just how it was meant to be XD

As it often happen when I'm... doing these day trips that I do, I made a decision at noon that would affect the next SEVEN hours of my life. Once you choose the long way home there's no going back, or at least no easy and convenient going back: even if I wanted to turn around and go back home through Genua I just couldn't; there were no trains in the other direction that went back all the way to Genua, and once in Acqui Terme the route I chose was the fastest one. And the thing is, when you have been away for just a few hours and you're in the good, energetic part of the trip you never want it to end. But then sometimes, when you hit hour 6, or 7, or 8 you're suddenly DONE but you're still on a train or a bus, already on your way home, and home is 2, 3, 4 hours away. It's a gamble each time, feeding the wanderlust without "burning out" on what was supposed to be your fun activity, your heart desire. Getting home neither unsatisfied and still itching for more nor completely depleted and neurotic.

And there were a couple of moments today where I felt that maybe I overdid it: when I realized that I went to Asti for no reason; when I couldn't find a comfortable position on the train seat during my nth hour on a train; when my earphones started feeling heavy on my head; when I got on the train in Tortona and there were no sits available.

But.

I boarded the first train at 7:38 this morning and got down from the last one at 7:20pm, and while I was waiting for the bus home Naatu Naatu came on my playlist, and the wind gently moved my hair, and I was smiling. Today that gamble paid off.

[kyovtani]

𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐥𝐢𝐟𝐞 – 𝐤𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐭𝐚𝐧𝐢 𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐫𝐨𝐮 (𝟐)

— pairing: Kyoutani Kentarou x female Reader

— genre: smut, angst, little bit of fluff to keep the balance; tattoo artist!kyoutani, inexperienced!reader, strangers to lovers!AU, SLOW BURN

— word count: 9.6k

— warnings: swearing, mentions of infidelity and violence, as well as the consumption of drugs and alcohol; smut: corruption kink, degradation and dumbification, dacryphilia, praising, spitting, (soft) dom!kyou, oral (m. receiving), fingering, dry humping, unprotected sex (dont do that kids), impreg kink, iwaoi say hi-

— (A/N: and here’s part two! thank you SO much for all the love you sent my way after i published the first part. ngl i was a little nervous bc i thought it was boring and not interesting at all but you guys easily pushed me out of that hole so thank you for everything. i love and appreciate you with my whole heart. all the love, zade xx)

[ part one ]

— summary: after fucking up, you make it your mission to get him back..(im so bad at this pls just- okay.)

"He's not picking up, Hana", you say, another soft cry falling from your lips before you bury your face in your pillow.

“Once in my fucking life a guy treats me good and the way I've always wanted to be treated and I had to fuck it up. Why the fuck am I like this, Hana? Why can I not enjoy one fucking good thing in my fucking mediocre life", the profanities keep coming just like the tears and the amount of frustration and anger rushing through your veins is nowhere near normal anymore.

"Calm down, love", Hana sighs and makes you sit up so she can look into your tear stained face as she tries her best to make sure her words actually find their way to your pain clouded mind, "at this point you shouldn't worry too much because you do know Kyoutani, don't you? He does lose his temper a lot, so give him the time he needs and then you'll show up at his doorstep, suck his cock and make up with him, yeah?", she explains calmly.

"If this hurts you so much, why the fuck did you even say he's just a friend, Y/N? I really don't understand", Hana mumbles and lets out another sigh, her hands caressing yours softly, managing to calm you down a little bit.

“You're right, I should just– give him some time and things will eventually fall into place", you reply after crying a little more and with an encouraging smile your best friend nods at you before she suggests a movie marathon to which you happily agree.

At least something to distract you from all the demons inside your head.

After changing into your pj's and doing your night time routine, you plop down onto the couch next to your bestie again, her eyes focused on the phone in her hand and knowing she's probably either sexting or inviting her new boyfriend has you shrugging at her lack of attention as you start looking for a good movie to begin the night with.

However, just when you're about to read the description of some kind of french rom-com, Hana puts her phone back into her lap and starts staring at you with her pretty eyes widened in shock.

"What's wrong?", you ask and turn to look at her, reaching for her hands but before you even get the chance to touch her, Hana unlocks her phone and holds it up for you to watch someone's instagram story.

The video begins with loud music, a crowd full of young college students whose faces definitely are familiar.

Everyone in the video is dancing, making out, smoking and just chatting in a random living room and every now and then there's someone yelling in the back – a typical college party.

However, just as the video is about to end, the camera shifts to a tall male leaning against the wall, obviously standing really close to the person who's filming and it takes you a full blown thirty seconds to realize who said male is.

Kyoutani Kentarou.

You stare at the phone for another minute, your throat dry and your head empty as a thick veil of tears slowly starts blurring your sight before you finally decide to pay attention to the username.

"He can't be fucking serious", you hiss, fisting the blanket beneath you, the urge to punch something or someone becoming unbearable, "what the fuck is he doing at a random college party with – Sora?"

"Y/N, don't–", "Whose party is that?", you interrupt your best friend, not giving a single fuck about her attempts to calm you down; not anymore. Hana gulps harshly and strictly avoids your gaze as she mumbles a name and you roll your eyes, asking her to speak up with an annoyed sigh.

"It's one of Yuuji’s frat parties", and as soon as your best friend says the name of your ex-boyfriend, a cold shiver of disgust runs down your spine and you can feel yourself getting lightheaded from all the emotions rushing through your overwhelmed body.

"Don't follow me if you're going to stop me from leaving, Hana", you say and stand up before quickly disappearing inside your room.

You have no idea how you manage to get dressed, your outfit consisting of a pair of jeans and a hoodie you can't even remember buying and you don't even wanna think about what your hair and face look like when you end up leaving the house with your keys and your phone.

After driving this route for over two years on an almost daily basis, it takes you less than ten minutes to arrive in front of the huge house your ex-boyfriend lives in.

The memories start finding their way back into your head way too fast, taking away your breath and numbing your whole body because even if you didn’t love Yuuji anymore, the bitter feeling of betrayal still manages to hit you in just the right way.

It takes you a lot of willpower to actually approach the house and eventually get in. And after being in between the crowds of drunk, stinky college students, you remember why you hate college parties so much.

"I – Wow”, a familiar voice manages to break through the loud music, your instant reaction just an annoyed eye roll, “you were the last person I expected to see at one of our frat parties", Yuuji says and comes to stand in front of you.

His blonde hair messily falling into his handsome face and from the way his whole face seems to be covered in the deepest shade of red – including his eyes – you know that he's probably higher than the stars and you can't help but sigh.

"I'm not here to party, Yuuji", you hiss, feeling the anger crawl up your spine again the longer you look at your ex, "my boyfriend is here and I have to talk to him."

"So you and that tattooed guy are actually a thing? Didn't think so since he, you know – showed up with another girl", Terushima mumbles and pulls out a cigarette from his pocket, a mischievous smile on his lips.

"Oh, shut the fuck up, Yuuji", you spit back and roll your eyes, taking in the way the pretty boy arches his brows up in pure shock at your rather new attitude, "go and get high or whatever you do to feel proud of yourself", are the last words you say to him before you walk away, your heart thrumming inside your throat.

Your eyes roam the huge crowd, desperately searching for the only face you wanna look at right now and you try to remember where they were standing in the video Sora had posted only to realize that you can't remember.

After all you only watched the video once, your whole attention laying on Kyoutani. And after almost fifteen minutes, you find yourself slowly giving up.

Maybe this was just not meant to happen or maybe Kyoutani has left already.

He probably left with Sora- something you can’t and won’t ever blame him for.

After all she's literally one of the prettiest and hottest girls you have ever seen – anyone who rejects her would be out of their mind (or not attracted to girls which isn't the case when it comes to Kyoutani).

You give it another ten minutes of desperately looking around before you let out a deep sigh which gets lost in the loudness and thick air of the party before you finally start making your way back to the front door.

You quickly walk back to your car, trying your best to ignore everyone around you, especially all the drunk guys who are currently about to get into a verbal fight over something totally random and the last thing you want to experience those threats becoming reality.

At some point you're scared they might even include you which is probably why you end up literally sprinting and even though you always park so far away from frat houses just because you've heard way too many stories of people getting their cars stolen during parties, but right now you just wished you would have listened to your gut feeling and parked in front of the fraternity like every normal person.

However, to your life long luck, you spot a tall figure standing a little too close to your vehicle just as you’re about to unlock it. You slow down your movements almost instantly upon seeing the stranger, yet your eyes still try to figure out if it's someone you know despite the darkness surrounding the two of you.

He has probably spotted you by now, after all you're still panting like crazy from speed walking down to where your car is and it takes you a full minute to realize how loud you're actually being.

"Y/N", the male suddenly says, his deep voice sending shivers down your spine and even though it could have been everyone, it sounds a tad bit too familiar to your ears which is probably why you end up approaching him slowly.

"It's me, Kyoutani", he adds and at the same moment the words leave his lips, you finally recognize his pretty features which seem extra beautiful underneath the bright moonlight.

And then realization hits you.

"How did you know–", "Hana called me and asked if I could make sure you got home even if I didn't want to talk to you. So, here I am. Get in the car so I can tell her I did my part of the job", he interrupts you quickly, obviously not having the intention to interact with you and the way his usually so tender-filled eyes and calming voice are nothing but ice-cold has a thick veil of tears blurring your sight.

Never ever did you think about the moment, where Kyoutani puts the cold mask on he loved to hide behind when he had first looked at you all those weeks ago.

And the longer he avoids your gaze, the heavier the burden on your chest becomes.

"I'm sorry, Tani", you whisper, your voice breaking at the end, easily giving away how much his cold demeanor has gotten to you.

“Of course you're not just a friend to me and I d-don't know why I introduced you like that, everything happened so quickly and I – panicked. It's not an excuse and does not justify my behavior but I just wanted you to know that you've always been more than just a friend to me", you continue, managing to keep talking upon realizing that Kyoutani won't interrupt you and the way he even listens to you with his eyes looking everywhere but yours is absolutely enough for you.

"What am I to you then, Y/N? Am I the guy you're casually fucking? Your booty call? Am I your second choice? Like what the fuck do you expect me to say? I know we never put a label to – this", he starts pointing at you and then himself, "but you knew I was serious about it, about you. So, I just don't understand why you would even think about considering me a friend. I told you that I am not one for that friends with benefits kinda shit and you agreed yet you did this and now I can't help but be convinced you just used me to get that Yuuji fucker.”

Kyoutani is angry and he doesn't even try to hide it as he spits out those words, the ones he’s probably been dying to say out loud for the past few days and you know he has every right to actually be mad at you, his words still hit you in a way you didn't expect them to.

"I'd never do that to you, Kentarou; I'd never use you like that, please believe me", you say quickly, a little surprised you're even able to form proper sentences.

“You m-mean so much to me and I just don't know how to put it into words. My heart hurt so much when I watched you type your number into Sora's phone but the demons in my head, they just kept talking over my heart and – I'm just really sorry, Kyou, I really am", you sigh and after realizing that he's not going to look at you, you finally manage to shift your gaze away from his pretty face.

"Go home, Y/N. It's been a long day for both of us and I think some more distance will help me get my mind straight", Kyoutani replies after a long, torturous beat of silence lingering in the cold air and even if it wasn’t the reply you had hoped to hear, you're glad he's at least not completely ending it.

"Okay b-but at least let me drive you home?", you ask softly, wiping away the few tears which had managed to escape and when you look up at the beautiful faced male in front of you, his eyes meet you for the first time since what feels like forever and you feel yourself melting away.

"I don't think that's a good idea, pretty girl", Kyoutani sighs, the soft pet name sending your mind into the sweetest haze of comfort just like that, "it's only been a few days but I am craving your touch and I just know I'm going to lose it and fuck you against the next best surface if we get into that car together, so I have to decline this offer", he adds and takes another step back, his lips stretching into a tiny smile and you can’t deny how much his words have you gotten you worked up, but you have no choice but to nod.

"Have a good night, baby", Kyoutani sighs and deep down you're hoping for a kiss, after all it's been way too long since you got to feel close to him but instead, he just lifts his hand up and starts waving at you and just as he is about to turn around, you find yourself reaching for his wrist. The fear and despair inside of you making you a little too brave for your personal liking but you know you can't just let him walk away like that.

"Please, Tani- Kyoutani", you whisper and let out a soft sigh of relief when he turns around to face you again, "I won't try anything, I just want to spend a little bit more time with you."

Kyoutani takes a deep breath, his dark eyes roaming your face and wandering down your body and even though it feels like he's literally devouring you alive, you enjoy his burning gazes regardless, a hidden part inside of you even craving them.

A solid minute passes by before he lets out a sigh and gives you a nod, his plump lips pressed into a thin line.

It takes you another deep breath and a couple of seconds to actually calm yourself down from the rollercoaster of emotions you've been through within the time span of an hour and as you sit there in your car, inhaling the cold air of the night, your mind starts replaying everything that went down, starting from the day you met Kyoutani, to your first and most recent kiss, as well as the encounter with Sora and your deep anger towards Yuuji.

The drive to Kyoutani's apartment passes by in a blur, way too fast for your liking and you can't help but pout when you pull up in front of the huge building, knowing very well that this will be the last interaction with the handsome tattoo artist for the upcoming few days and you can already feel tears pricking at the corners of your eyes.

He's been awfully quiet, not like you actually said anything but Kyoutani's silence was intense, boring into your soul and actually suffocating you to a point where the urge to just jump out of the car became overwhelming.

You know he's probably going through everything just like you, yet the feeling that his thoughts are more on the negative side just won't leave you alone and you hate the way your assumptions are being confirmed as soon as Kyoutani turns to look at you.

"I – love you, Y/N", he suddenly says, his voice soft and calm, yet still deep and the way it's filled with tenderness and the sweetest bit of longing makes the effect of those magical words even heavier.

Your lips part in shock, your head having a difficult time actually processing his confession and you can feel your whole body going into a standby mode.

"But you're not good for me."

You remember the way your heart broke into thousands of pieces when you found out the alleged love of your life was cheating on you without even batting an eye.

The pain was so intense and heavy, you didn't know how to deal with it and at some point you were convinced that your heart had stopped beating for a solid minute. It was bad, left you speechless and threw you into a hole of darkness you barely managed to escape from, yet still leaving you grateful for the experience.

You thought your first heartbreak would be able to prepare you for what's to come in the future, but what you went through as soon as those words had fallen past Kyoutani’s lips, can't be compared to anything you've ever felt before.

Your heart starts clenching as his words keep replaying inside of your head and your throat so is going absolutely dry from your desperate attempts to gasp for air as the feeling of being suffocated comes back.

Everything around you seems to disappear, your eyes still focused on Kyoutani's intense gaze as the feeling of emptiness starts filling up your whole body.

You easily lose track of time, your heart beat so slow and heavy and when the wave of reality crashes you yet again, an almost inaudible sob falls past your lips.

"B-But...", you can't get yourself to speak, the words getting stuck in your throat and soft cries the only thing filling the inside of your car.

And yet, there are so many things you want to tell him, so many things rushing through your mind at the highest speed, almost impossible to grasp them and actually put them into proper sentences.

"You have too much control over me. I lost myself trying to fit into the picture of a lover you need and deserve. But – I am not who I used to be anymore”, Kyoutani explains, nervously rubbing the sides of his pierced node with his thumb as he avoids looking in your direction at all costs.

“I am scared of losing what's obviously not mine. You make me feel weak and vulnerable and I just can't deal with it. You've become the center of my world, and I can't control how much it affects me. How much you affect me and – I hate it", he continued, his voice is still incredibly calm, yet a bittersweet tone of fear coating every single one of his words.

"B-But...", yet again, the whole of your vocabulary seems vanished, not one word to say as the knot in your throat tightens even further.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I thought I could do it but – I am not meant to love and you deserve to be loved in the most special way possible”, he takes another quick break, letting out a sigh of exhaustion, “and that's why I'm letting you go. Please, don't hate me. Take care and – goodbye, my love.”

Those are his last words before he presses his lips against your forehead, making your head spin like crazy because of the contrast of his heartbreaking words and his soft kiss.

Kyoutani leaves without saying another word. He doesn't even look back once as he walks away and enters the apartment building, while you can't stop staring at the door with hot tears streaming down your cheeks and loud sobs filling the suffocating air surrounding you.

There you are, yet again.

Your eyes staring into the dark night as your body tries to cope with the intensity of pain you've thought you had overcome.

The constant breaking of your heart starts numbing every part of your body and you slowly start losing yourself in this certain kind of darkness.

Seconds turn into minutes and without even realizing, a whole hour has gone by with you staring into nothing.

Your mind plays games with you as it keeps replaying his words, his behavior, his kiss and the feeling of slowly but certainly going insane as you get out of the car a little too fast.

You tumble back, the sudden coldness hitting you right in the face and the mental as well as physical exhaustion has your body trembling.

And then it hits you.

The wave of anger, wrath, frustration and hatred literally wakes you up, pulls you back into reality and ends up taking over you completely.

Your eyes find the huge apartment building Kyoutani lives in, staring at it as if you could set it on fire and you know what you're about to do is a bad idea but your body acts before your mind can even get the chance to intervene.

And that's how you find yourself almost brutality slamming your fist against Kyoutani's door, your heart hammering against your rib cage way too fast for it to be still physically healthy and ten thousand different thoughts rushing through your chaotic mind.

"What the fuck is going – Y/N", Kyoutani looks at you with his pretty eyes slightly widened in shock, his lips parting as he struggles to keep his eyes on you and a disgusting feeling of shame and embarrassment starts filling you up.

You know this is pathetic, you are aware of how stupid you look standing in front of him like this but you just can't get yourself to actually care about it.

"Y/N, please don't-", "No, I listened to what you had to say and now I'm going to talk and you're going to listen to me. Before that I am not going anywhere because I deserve this", you cut him off, hands balled into fists as you try to stay calm but the more you think about his words in the car, the angrier you get.

"I–", Kyoutani sighs, his eyes nervously roaming your face and upon noticing the way you seem to shiver from the cold and your lack of clothing, he lets his conscience get the best of him, "alright, come in then.”

You follow him inside, the familiar scent of vanilla and Kyoutani's favorite febreeze scent filling your nose and you hate the way how comfortable you are.

After all you've been spending quite some time in this apartment; visiting him after your classes so he could bury his face between your legs and then offer you some homemade food, followed by a good old ghibli movie and lots of cuddles has become some kind of routine.

Oh, how you hate him for ruining all of those memories.

"Do you want something to drink? You're probably freezing", he offers, his voice filled with concern and you know he is right and you'd definitely give everything for a cup of tea and maybe some water, you still shove all of your body’s basic needs into the very back of your head and try to regain your composure.

"I – you – we", you take a deep breath, your mind struggling to put all of those racing thoughts into some kind of order, yet failing miserably.

But there's so much you want to say to him; so many things you want him to hear and now that you are actually standing in front of him, your body betrays you.

"You're a fucking coward, Kyoutani Kentarou", is the first thing you finally manage to let out, "and I hate you for leaving me like this. I fucking hate you.”

Deep down, you hate yourself for saying those words; the choice of words and the incredible heaviness they come with are usually not your way of expressing yourself yet you're not regretting them.

You don't know how this night is going to end, maybe this will be the last time you get to see Kyoutani or he'll eventually fuck you into oblivion and you finally end up together; but nevertheless you want your words to hurt him; you want them to wake him up just like his did to you.

"How dare you confess your love to me and tell me I basically ruined your life in the same breath when you're the one who's fucking all of this – us up. Yes, I’ve made a mistake and I've been regretting my choice of words for the past four days, even came to the point where I accepted your distance and decided to let go because I know how much my words hurt you. But us ending like this? Definitely not going to happen", Kyoutani stares at you with his pretty eyes focusing you attentively, barely blinking, not moving at all; he’s just listening to you.

"I just – don't understand how you can be this oblivious."

"Oblivious? Oblivious to what?", he asks, his voice a little deeper and raspier, sending goosebumps straight dow your spine as if your body needed to remind you the effect he has on you.

"Oblivious to everything. This is what love does to people, Kentarou. Of course you're going to feel weak and vulnerable because of me - because of the one you love. After all the point of being loved and loving someone else is showing those vulnerabilities and weakness to the person you trust the most because you know, or at least you hope, they won't take advantage of it.”

You take a deep breath, your mind slowing down as you ease yourself into his calming embrace and subconsciously losing yourself in the comfort it comes with.

“I'm yours. I've been yours since the very first day and we both know this, that's why you are so scared of losing me. And that's why my words hurt you so much”, you can tell that he’s already processing your words as much as he can; his habit of scratching the back of his head giving him away easily.

"You said you've lost yourself trying to fit into this picture of someone who I deserve but – you are the one who created that picture in the first place. Just because my first boyfriend was an alleged goody two shoes doesn't mean that you have to be like that too. Fuck that", you hiss, the thought of Kyoutani changing even the slightest bit about himself sending jolts of anger through your veins, "I don't care if you dropped out of college or that you have tattoos and piercings and bleach blonde hair. None of that matters to me because it's you, your kind heart and your pure soul I fell in love with.”

And suddenly - you can feel the burden on your shoulders disappear when those certain words leave your lips and the second Kyoutani raises his eyebrows in slight surprise before he locks eyes with you again has another breath of fresh air run through your suffocated lungs.

"Yes, I'm in love with you, Kyoutani Kentarou. Believe it or not, but for me, you're perfect just like this, with all your tiny habits and every single tattoo. There's nothing I'd change about you and I'm genuinely, truly sorry if I ever made you feel like you needed to change for me. You're a great guy and I guess that's why I ran back here after sitting in that car, crying for an hour because I couldn't stop thinking about the way you confessed your love to me”, you feel the thick veil of tears appear before they manage to block your sight, making the pretty face in front of you turn into bourry little pixels as your emotions overwhelm you.

“And yes, you are meant to be loved; maybe not meant to be loved by me but you deserve to be loved, do you hear me?"

You go up to him, closing some of the distance between the two of you before your finger darts out and poke his strong chest, trying to ease the tension after letting go of all those thoughts, "you deserve to love and to be loved because you're a good person. And I just – wanted to thank you for letting me into your life. Meeting you, getting to know the beautiful person you are has been one of the best things that has happened to me and I will cherish these memories forever."

And with those words you take a deep breath, let out another sigh, goving away your acceptance of defeat before you lift your head and prepare yourself to say your last goodbye no matter how painful it is.

"Take care, Kyoutani Kentarou and thank you, for everything", the words fall past your lips in the form of a whisper solely because you're too scared to break if you raised your volume just slightly.

You turn around and feel the first tear find its way down your cheek before you even get to walk away.

And just as you wrap your fingers around the doorknob, the sound of rushed footsteps approaching you makes you halt your movements.

"D-Don't go", Kyoutani suddenly says, his voice breaking when he comes to stand behind you, so close you can actually feel the warmth he's radiating, "I need you...so bad", he whispers into your ear, pressing his forehead against the back of your neck and it's like everything that happened tonight becomes irrelevant.

You turn around, not expecting Kyoutani to push you against the door with his whole body, yet still embracing him as much as you can.

With a soft sob, you start inhaling his unique scent, grazing his soft skin with your fingers and letting the warmth blossom inside of your chest after feeling his rapid heartbeat beneath your palm.

"Don't leave me, please", he cries, the tears running down his flushed cheeks despite his desperate attempts of holding back, "let's do this whole love thing.”

You stand there for what feels like an eternity, just hugging each other, taking in each other's presence and calming down from everything that has happened in such a short time. You finally calm down completely, Kyoutani's soft touches and tiny kisses give you the last bit of energy you needed and for the first time in almost three months, there's not one demon in your head trying to make you overthink something.

Because this feels perfect; there's literally no other word to describe the feeling of holding Kyoutani Kentarou and being held by him.

But nevertheless, you've been on a constant adrenaline rush for the past four hours and the exhaustion has been killing you, making you grow tired a lot faster than usual.

"What about moving this to your room, hm? I'd rather fall asleep with you in your bed than against the door; especially because I know the boys are out and will be coming home soon", you say softly, lifting Kyoutani's head from the crook of your neck and looking at him.

He sighs and gives you a soft kiss, giving you a nod in response before he gets himself to let go of you; his warmth leaving with him and it's almost disgusting how you literally crave his presence.

After Kyoutani makes you drink two glasses of water to avoid the dehydration of your body, he hands you one of his thick hoodies and leaves you to get ready in his bathroom.

You come back to the sight of him sitting against the headboard of his king sized bed, his oversized shirt revealing the perfect amount of collarbones and you enjoy the sight of his pretty skin and the dark lines covering most of it as well as the way his sweats hug his strong thighs in the best way possible.

And as you watch his eyes lazily roam your body, a hot jolt of arousal finds its way through your veins and right to your cunt.

"Don't look at me like that, sweet girl", Kyoutani suddenly groans and cocks his head to the side, his tongue poking out to wet his lips before he gulps harshly; his eyes never once leaving yours.

"B-But Tani...", you reply, approaching him with tiny steps become you come to stand right next to his tall figure, feeling yourself growing needier because of the way your body is craving his touch now more than ever.

“Baby…”, he replies and gulps harshly, knowing your body better than yourself after weeks of getting to know you in a way nobody has ever before.

"Please, Tani...please, fuck me. I need to feel you inside of me. I've been waiting for so long...", you plead, your fingers coming to graze his pretty lips as memories of all the times he had turned you into a crying mess with those lips.

Kyoutani is just as affected by the change in tension as you, the slight bulge in his grey sweatpants as well as the hunger burning in his eyes giving him away.

"You're such a pretty angel girl, aren’t you?", he whispers and sits up, pulling you closer to make you stand in between his legs as he starts caressing your hot cheeks with his fingers.

“Yet you're saying all those naughty things”, Kentarou chuckles deeply, “imagine how people would react if they knew what a cockhungry little slut you actually are", upon hearing those degrading names, your cunt starts clenching around nothing and a high pitched whimper escaped your throat.

"For you...", you whisper, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth the second Kyoutani starts placing open mouthed kisses on your neck.

Your fingers dig into his shoulders, pulling the material of his shirt a little too tightly.

"Of course, baby, you're mine after all and this sweet cunt", the sudden feeling of his palm pressing against the damped fabric of your panties has you gasping for air, "belongs to me, and me only", Kyoutani grunts, pulling the skin of your neck between his lips before he starts sucking gently as well as slowly moving his fingers against the lacey fabric between your legs.

"Yes, it's yours", you reply, after several weeks of being intimate with Kyoutani you've learned one thing and that's how much he loves hearing you say all those dirty and lewd things, "please fuck me."

"Patience, my love, patience. I am going to fuck you", Kentarou replies calmly and suddenly pushes you away, his hands disappearing from your body and when your lid flutter open because of the lack of touch, he shoots you one of his cocky smirks, "but let's not forget the whole friend situation, hm? What about you make it up to me before I fuck you like the little whore you are?"

His words have excitement rush through your blood, your head literally spinning just from the thought of finally getting to be on the giving end after weeks of him playing the selfless lover.

You nod eagerly, anticipation sparkling in your eyes as you watch him palm himself over his sweats before you get on your knees and wait for him to let go of his now fully erect cock.

However, the more seconds pass by like this, the more nervous you become because for some reason you suddenly remember that you've basically never sucked dick before.

Your head shoots up with slight panic written all over your face and of course Kyoutani notices your change in demeanor right away.

"What's wrong, angel?", he asks you and stops the movements of his hands.

"I don't know how to do it, Tani", you whisper, knowing there's no point in being shy about it, after all he happens to be the guy you've experienced your most firsts with.

"It's okay, baby, I'm going to help you”, Kyoutani replies and actually loses his composure for a second, “fuck baby, don't look at me like this when I'm literally about to fuck your throat", he hisses, throwing his head back as he grunts and his hips desperately bucking into the air.

Kyoutani takes another deep breath before he finally pushes his hand underneath the waistband of his sweats and with your eyes focused on his movements, you watch him pull out his hard length, a soft hiss falling past his plump lips when the coldness of the room grazes the slightly wet tip of his cock.

You gulp harshly, his impressive size in girth as well as length has your pussy throbbing like crazy, yet you can't help but wonder how the hell he's going to fit inside of you.

“Don't worry, baby, I know you're going to take all of my cock like the good girl you are", Kyoutani says after observing your facial expressions for some time.

"Give me your hand", he asks you softly, his voice still raspy and incredibly hoarse yet still soothing and you appreciate his attempts to calm himself down so you won't feel too nervous. With your heart slamming against your rib cage, you lift your hand up and are slightly overwhelmed at the sudden feeling of Kyoutani's warm spit pooling inside your palm. Without adding anything, he straightens himself and motions you to stroke his hard cock.

Not once do you stop looking at him as you wrap your fingers around the base of his impressive length and slowly start jerking him off.

Kyoutani cocks his head to the side, his bottom lip pulled in between his teeth and his eyes constantly fluttering close.

"Start with the tip, angel- just wrap your lips around it and start sucking, but be careful with your teeth, yeah baby?", he grunts, his hips thrusting into your fist every time the pace of your strokes slows down.

You give him yet another nod before look up at him one more time and do as he says.

The feeling of his cock between your lips is – different.

It feels like it's not supposed to be there, yet the salty taste of his precum coating your tongue has you sighing softly. Your tongue darts out, giving his tip a tiny kitten lick before you go back to sucking on it eagerly.

And while you seem to enjoy it a lot, Kyoutani is going absolutely crazy. You can see the way he's tensing his body as his grip in the bed sheets tightens and the vein on his neck pops out.

"F-Fuck, baby, just like that", he praises you "now try to take more of it in a-and use your hand for the rest", Kyoutani's voice is shaky, his eyes are nervously roaming your swollen lips and the string of spit connecting them to the tip of his cock.

Without giving it another thought, you take a deep breath and take more of him, trying your best to not graze his sensitive cock with your teeth and despite your initial struggle, you still enjoy the feeling of his cock on your tongue.

You subconsciously wrap your fingers around the part of his cock which you can't fit inside your mouth and suddenly it's like your body knows exactly what to do.

Kyoutani's moans grow louder and the soft thrusts of his hips become a little less controlled. You look up at him every now and then, trying your best to keep the steady rhythm as you bop your head.

And then he suddenly thrusts his length all the way to the back of your throat, your gag reflex just about to go off when he pulls back which is the moment you take notice of the tears streaming down your cheeks.

You give him a soft smile before going back to wrapping your lips around his tip, but you don't get very far.

Kyoutani pulls you back, his grip on the back of your neck not firm enough to hurt you.

"I promise I'm going to fuck your throat properly and even cum in your mouth the next time we do this but right now I just can't stop thinking about that tight cunt of yours", he says, helping you get up and almost instantly pulling you onto his lap; his wet cock rubbing against your panty covered core as Kyoutani pulls you in for a kiss.

It's sloppy and rushed, the way his tongue grazes over yours before he pulls it between his lips and starts sucking at it. Your hips start moving against his cock, your sensitive pussy craving some kind of friction as the arousal has your head spinning like crazy.

You start moaning and whimpering into his mouth when Kyoutani’s hips start meeting your desperate movements, applying the perfect amount of pressure onto your needy clit.

You feel the knot in the pit of your stomach tightening, the clenching of your cunt becoming worse the more you hump Kyoutani's cock like a woman starved.

But nothing prepares you for the feeling of one of his large digits entering you. Your hole start clenching around his finger Kyoutani pushes another one in, both digits buried inside of your little cunt.

"Such a good girl for me, aren't you, baby? I'm going to finger you nice and slow so you're ready for my cock. Now come on, my love; show me what a good whore you are and ride my fingers", Kyoutani encourages you, his hot breath fanning against the sensitive skin behind your ear and without missing a beat, your hips meet the skillful thrusts of his fingers.

Kyoutani continues to whisper naughty things into your ear, his other hand eventually wrapping around your throat as he makes sure you look into his eyes when you stumble over the edge.

Your high hits you hard and fast, the intensity knocking the breath out of your lungs and leaving you gasping for it; something you should be used to by now yet still can't believe is even possible.

He pushes you off of his lap softly, helps you get rid of his shirt as well as your ruined panties before he makes you lay down in the middle of his bed; eyes locking with yours when he also starts undressing.

"My pretty girl", Kyoutani sighs, his hand caressing the soft skin of your thighs, spanking you every now and then just because he's absolutely obsessed with the way your whole body tenses whenever his hand meets your skin.

“Look at me", he orders and almost instantly your head shoots up to meet his gaze, the sight of his naked body distracting you a lot more than you expected but after all this is the first time you get to see the rest of his tattoos; the ones you usually only get a tiny glimpse of depending on his outfit choice.

Kyoutani spreads your legs apart, his eyes never leaving yours even when he starts jerking off again and you can't hold back the soft whimpers and begs leaving your lips.

But also something about his flushed cheeks and swollen lips as well as his messy hair falling into his face has you incredibly turned on.

"We've never talked about this before but are you on the pill, baby?", he asks, pushing one of his thumbs into his mouth before he brings it down to your clit and starts rubbing soft circles into it, making you arch your back off of the mattress as you bury your face in the pillow to keep your noises down.

"N-No", you whisper, a deep sigh coming from Kyoutani and even though you know you shouldn’t do it, you stop him from bending over to the drawer of his nightstand, making him look at you in confusion.

“But I still want you to raw me, please...", you add and gulp harshly when his whole body seems to go into some kind of haze once the words leaveyour lips.

Kyoutani looks at you, his eyes darkening even more as he pulls his bottom lip between his teeth and lets out a loud moan of your name.

"I can't just raw you, baby", he presses through gritted teeth, his mask slowly falling apart the more you rub yourself against his cock, "you've never had sex without a condom and my pull out game is weak, even weaker when it comes to you because fuck – the thought of filling you up with my cum sounds so fucking good", Kyou groans when you scoot up a little, taking his length into your hand before you line him up with your entrance.

"B-But what if you get pregnant, sweet girl?", he sighs and tries to pull away, making you wrap your arms around his neck as you look into his pretty eyes.

"That will just show everyone around us how well you've fucked me", you whisper and elicit another deep moan from him, his whole body shaking slightly as he tries to hold himself back from just pounding into you.

"Such a cockhungry whore", he hisses and – finally – starts pushing his fat cock into your tiny cunt, the slight stretch making you both gasp for air.

“If that's what you want, then that’s what you get, you little slut. I'm going to fucking raw you and fill you up with all of my cum, make you my cumslut", Kyoutani grunts, pulling your bottom lip between his teeth before he harshly grabs your face and looks into your eyes as he buries more of himself inside of you.

"F-Fuck, you're big", you whimper, throwing your head back and trying your very best to stop clenching around his cock.

“We're almost there, baby- you got this, s-stop clenching", Kyoutani grunts against your parted lips. Without a warning, Kyoutani pushes the rest of his huge cock inside of you, bottoming out completely.

“F-Fuck...you’re so– tight”, Kentarou grunts, his fingers digging into the flesh of your hips as he buries his face in the crook of your neck, “it’s like you’ve never been fucked before.”

“S-So good...so fucking good, nngh-”, your little whimpers and whines are slurred, barely coherent as the feeling of being filled to the brim pushes you into a haze of pleasure.

You feel the pulsation of his cock against your spongy walls, his hands nervously roaming your body and groping one of your tits, as he obviously tries to calm himself down.

And then he finally starts moving.

A deep, guttural moan leaves the both of you when he pulls himself out of your tight hole, dragging his huge cock along the walls of your little cunt in the most delicious way possible before he almost brutally shoves himself back in again.

“Mhm, just like that, you little brat”, he grunts, sitting up on his knees as he pushes your legs further apart, his eyes focusing the way his fat cock stretches your hole just how he’s been imagining it all this time, “coming up to me and talking about having your little cunt rawed like some cumhungry little whore.”

You start nodding almost instantly at his words, your brain barely recognizing them, the only thing you can focus on being the way the tip of his cock grazes the entrance to your womb with every harsh, brutal thrust of his hips.

His thrusts find a steady rhythm, hard and so, so deep.

“Open your mouth”, Kyoutani grunts, a single drop of sweat finding its way down the center of his tattooed chest, the sight making you whimper and whine for him even louder as you part your lips as soon as you process his words.

“You know what? I’d rather have you say it”, he suddenly hisses, pulling his cock out of your spasming cunt before he presses your legs together and shoves himself back inside of you with one skilled thrust of his hips.

You have no idea at what point you start crying but by the time Kyoutani's moans and grunts start picking up their pace, you're a sobbing mess.

“S-Say wh-what?”, you sob, hiding your tear and spit stained face behind your hands, not daring to look up at him.

“I want you to ask for my spit and beg for my cum”, Kentarou’s voice grows raspier, the dominance seething through every single one of his words makes it so easy for you to fall even further into the hole of absolute submission, “and stop hiding yourself, angel girl..I wanna watch the way I’m fucking your brains out.”

A row of loud, high pitched whines and a combination of sobs and moans are the only thing you manage to respond with, your brain clouded with the feeling of his thick cock dragging along the spongy walls of your cunt.

And before you can even comprehend his next movement, you hear the loud sound of skin meeting skin followed by the delicious feeling of a sting sending jolts of pain through your body, something you’ve come to love after so many hours with the tattoo artist.

“I told you to ask and beg for it, angel girl..you’re making me wait”, Kentarou spits, never once halting the movements of his hips as he watches the way you start sobbing even more, your cunt spasming around his cock after his painful spank.

“Please...f-fuck, please spit in my mouth and my face and on my cunt- want it all”, you start brabbling, another row of incohrent begs following right afterwars as your hips sloppily meet his harsh thrusts, “I want you to stuff me full of your cum, too- please, Daddy, wanna be your little c-cumdumpster.”

“There you go..”, Kyoutani’s plump lips stretch into a big smile as his cock throbs at the sound of that one forbidden little word he’s come to love even more after hearing it from you only a handful of times.

He didn’t hesitate to tell you about how much it turns him on around two weeks after the two fo you had started dating and even though he never really expected you to use it, he was secretely hoping for you to overcome your shyness.

You had used it only twice before when the pleasure had gotten too much for your brain to handle and Kyoutani knew you’d stop holding yourself back as soon as you got a taste of his cock.

“What did you just call me, pretty girl?”, he cooes, giggling softly at the way you whimper and cry even harder, knowing oh so well what he wants to hear.

And for the first time you just can’t get yourself to argue with the little voice in the back of your head; the feeling of his cock stretching your tiny cunt making it so, so easy to just let go of all those doubts and worries.

“Please, Daddy”, you reply and look into his eyes, groping your own tits as you arch your back to feel him even deeper inside of you, “n-need your cum inside of me...please- want everyone to know who I belong to.”

You don’t really expect it, yet your pussy almost instantly start clenching around his cock when kyoutani harshly grabs your face, making you part your lips before he spits into your mouth.

The loud, lewd sound of it rings in your ears in the best way possible and acting like a literal aphrodisiac in combination with the delicious taste of his saliva coating the hot muscle of your tongue.

You hum softly before you swallow it all, a gentle sob escaing your lips before you look up at him again.

"Now go on, angel girl”, he growls, pushing his hand in between your legs to rub circles into your hardened clit, “I want you to cum for me. Be a good little dumpster for your Daddy and show me what only I can do to you.”

You can barely process his words, the lewdness just fueling the fire in the pit of your stomach as you lose yourself in the feeling of your upcoming high. But you still start nodding, cringing at the feeling your saliva dripping down your jawline.

And with one last thrust, you feel your high crashing down onto you with such heaviness, you're left absolutely breathless.

Your whole body is trembling as the waves of your orgasm hit you, a row of incoherent words leaving your lips before you stop trying and just start crying for your precious Daddy.

"That's my baby”, is the first thing your brain manages to process again, everything still a blurry mess and when you look at Kyou, you realize you’re still cumming.

Your cunt is almost painfully spasming around his big cock, your juices dripping down the sides of his length as he helps you ride out your orgasm.

“You’re such a good, good girl for Daddy, aren’t you? I'm so proud of you", Kyoutani praises you, his thrust a little sloppier than before and from the way he's digging his fingers into the skin of your waist, you can only assume that he's also quiet close, "you're also going to take all of Daddy’s cum, right, baby? We gotta make sure I fill you up nicely..."

You take a deep breath, your slightly overstimulated cunt sending shivers down your spine as your eyes focus on Kyoutani's parted lips.

"Please, Daddy...need you to fill me up with your cum", you encourage him and when you slowly push two of your fingers into his mouth, knowing how much he loves to suck on them no matter what situation you’re both in, you finally get to see his whole face crunch up in pleasure.

His body tenses up as his grip on your waist becomes firmer before he starts cumming inside of you with a deep, raspy moan; coating the walls in several shades of white with three thick spurts of his cum.

Kyoutani buries his face in the crook of your neck as he slowly calms down, loud breathing and rushed gasps for air the only thing to fill the inside of his empty room.

"I love you so much", he whispers and gives you a soft kiss, his cock still firmly buried inside of your sensitive cunt before he shoots you a soft smile; looking almost boyish with his glossy eyes and flushed cheeks.

"I love you, too, D-Daddy”, you whisper, gulping harshly as the words leave your lips, feeling yourself grow even smaller underneath his strong yet comforting gaze, “thank you for giving us a chance", you add and pull him into for another kiss.

"Kyoutani Kentarou, your favorite group of walking disappointments is back and better than ev - oh", Iwaizumi Hajime, Kyoutani's High School best friend, fellow tattoo aritst and roommate suddenly yells and almost brutally slams open the door, startling you to the last bone in your body.

Kyoutani is quick to cover you up with his body, his hand reaching for one of the blankets on the floor as he grunts in annoyance.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't know–", "What is it, Iwa-Chan? Is he jerking off again? Kyoutani Kentarou you little piece of shit, just go and fuck that–", just like Iwaizumi, Oikawa – who also happens to be his best friend, felow tattoo artist and roommate – comes to stand in the doorway, bumping into his best friend before he finally spots the two of you.

"You're naked", he points out, closing his eyes almost instantly after realizing what he has just come to witness and despite the disgusting feeling of wanting to disappear and never come back again, you can't help but giggle at their shocked and slightly disgusted faces.

Kyoutani takes a deep breath and pulls out of you, still making sure to hide you behind his body before he hands you the blanket and lets his eyes shift to the door, looking at his best friends in pure disbelief.

"Kawa stop fucking staring and – can you two please fuck off?", he yells, pulling the boys back to reality and the way both of them shift to look at you only to blush from their necks to their ears has you chuckling softly.

This type of situation is nothing you’re not used to – unfortunately.

"Uhm – of course! Oh, my fucking God! So sorry, Kyou", Iwaizumi stutters and wraps his fingers around the doorknob, avoiding your eyes as much as he can before he pushes Oikawa away and then closes the door with another row of apologies.

Kyoutani just looks at you apologetically as he shakes his head and face palms himself, making the both of you burst into loud laughter.

And after taking a shower together and actually eating some late dinner with the boys, you fall asleep with Kyoutani's arms tightly wrapped around your waist, his face buried inside the crook of your neck and one last love confession.

And when those sweet words fall past his lips yet again, you realize – you're finally home.

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