#plus no humanoid robots. W

[gearlycorvid]

Hey babygirl... Come here often

[sunnytoonsproductions]

Y'all, here's now another new character for the 'back to the SING!' reboot! =^w^=

This is Texan Mars, and yes she's clearly inspired by Vexus from mlaatr but even Queen chrysalis from mlp:fim. She appears in a episode where Jan and Lucius are about to get married, but she then disguises herself as Jan and makes herself sound exactly like Jan and she locks him and Madison under the school until the wedding is over, but Sunny and Li'l D and the other six all noticed that this "Jan" is rather more rude and suspicious than the real Jan. And Lucius especially noticed that because that Jan had his shoelaces tied, but the real Jan never knew how to tie his shoes, nor is he embarassed about it... And then Texan Mars reveals her true identity when Lucius exposes her, and leeeeet's just say that her transformation where she turns back to her original self is rather... Terrifiying... And then she tries to get Lucius to the top of the school so she can get him to the Egypt, but Sunny and Li'l D and the other six (plus Madison), and even Jan and Madison stop her. But Texan Mars then explains that she never experienced love, and she just wanted to see what it was like to get loved by someone, and she thought that Lucius was a perfect guy for that, but to make it up, Lucius gives her a kiss on the cheek. But Texan Mars says that she will come back real soon....

Now! Here's her short bio (I'll add more later):

Texan Mars' bio - Texan Mars is a nasty and evil, but an misunderstood and hopeless romantic cleopatra-like humanoid bug. She's a leader of all the other humanoid bug people in Egypt, and she constantly tries to find someone to love, either a gentleman or a madame, but it just ends up badly and her again becoming heart-broken. Even though she's a villain, she's misunderstood, wow, right?

Texan Mars' voice actress - Cree Summer (and her voice claim is Vexus from my life as a teenage robot)

And this is even a treat for @0lemonadefox0 @aquamarine-dream-queen @elizachangreaves @sugar-miss1 @ducktopia90264 @dayzsac224 @oxxjustfrankieandmikuloverxxo @fancytigercupcake @classywinnerpeace @ghostytoasty726 @moonlightrosebud2000 @artismeyou-12 @kornyart @dynastinoble and all my other loved ones in my big tumblr family, but even some of class of 3000 fans here on tumblr =^.^= ♥️

I'll actually even color Texan Mars tommorow =^_^= 💚🪳👑

I hope y'all will like this =^//////^= 💚👑🪳

[root-of-theseus]

Mechari: The land of Robots, Technology, and Scientific Discovery

Founded by: Sir Babbage - Maker of the first Machine

Capital: E Wing: Residential (Also known as: EntranceWay, EW, or 01100101 01110111)

Notable Locations/Districts: E Wing: Residential NW Wing: Medical & Mechanical NE Wing: Communications & Production SW Wing: Quality Assurance & Exports SE Wing: Military & Construction

Symbol: The Golden Square ■ (sometimes a golden plus ✚), a brass cog wheel with a pure black square in the middle ⛯ (Sometime's referred to as Cog's mind or The Lighthouse), a red heartbeat/pulse/diagnostic

Language(s): Universal Tongue, .bin = 01100010 01101001 01101110 (Binary), technically every translatable language

Pantheon: Cog (the fabled 'first machine' and a talked about philosophical conundrum between all robots)

Previous Keepers/Overseers: Sir Babbage, Dr. Turing, Dr. Gale

Current Keeper/Overseer: W0<3 (Aliases: W03 for strangers, Woe for respected people, and W for family)

Exports: Medical Equipment/Medications, Various Chemicals, All forms of Hardware and Software, Fibre Optics/Communication Systems, Recycling, and Research.

Residents: All mechanical beings, no humans choose to live here willingly (except one.)

Reasons to Visit/Live there: To get lost, to order materials.

Miscellaneous information:

Mechari was originally founded as a research centre that was a hub for all scientists to congregate without hassle or political nonsense. The country used to house various humanoids alongside robots until W03 came into power.

A harsh propaganda campaign fuelled by Patria Magia had Mechari's residents feel uneasy about their leader becoming a robot compared to the humans they had in the past, and were encouraged to move, much to the chagrin of W03. This event tanked their economy for almost two decades, as he worked hard to get the country to become self-sustaining.

This worked out in his favour, as the economy is now stable again. It's also one of the few places that provides all types of bots with jobs, energy, and shelter compared to the rest of the planet which has a mild disdain at best and utter hatred at worst.

Most bots who live there just want to be left alone to their own devices, and couldn't care less about the opinions of humanoids. New robot residents are usually refugees built in other countries that have escaped forced servitude, or built from scratch from recycled materials if necessary. Though sometimes there's a rare occasion where two robots will couple up and build a bot of their own.

Gender and sexuality are seen as null by the oldest generations of bots (60+ years), opting to be called it, and rarely bothering with relationships. Bots which were made during the period of time that Dr. Gale was an Overseer (under 60) enjoyed the presentation of femininity (referred to as 0 or Port) and masculinity (referred to as 1 or Plug). There's no design that says you have to look a certain way to be referred to as either, but some robots have opted to follow humanoid presentations. Unfortunately, the outside world still refers to bots typically as it/its or offensively as robot.

If humanoids do enter the factory, they're usually left alone unless they cause trouble. Most robots understand that sometimes, people want to get lost or focus on their work. But the occasion has become less frequent in recent years.

The most recent humanoid visitor turned resident is Oxsvan. And, well... That's where the story starts.

[archosaur-automaton]

Astro-Second Helpings, Episode 1: The Magnificent Six

As we promised so long ago, we will be reviewing Transformers as we acquire them and build our unstoppable army of Plastic Friends. Hence, I am pleased to announce the inaugural post for Astro-Second Helpings, the archosaur-automaton blog segment dedicated to reviewing Transformers toys as we buy them!  For Chanukkah 5780, or as it’s known elsewhere “December 22-30, 2019″ we’ll be reviewing our first ever Transformers acquisition: Six-Gun! (Technically Transmetal Optimal Optimus was our first acquisition as a young babby but that is a story for a different time). 

We acquired Six-Gun while doing errands at the local Target a few weeks ago and felt an irresistible urge to Buy Plastic, and a stroll through the toy aisle left our mouth watering. Overwhelmed with options, we chose the best-looking boy they had: this red-white-and-black little chap who needs a permit for *himself* before he’s allowed in the gun show! As our Transformers neophyte brain understands it, Six-Gun’s first (and only) cartoon appearance was in the G1 cartoon episode “Thief in the Night” and cannot be said to be a major character. Regardless of the canon involved, we’ve got cannons involved to review. We’ll be using a five-star rating system in six different categories, with an overall rating at the end. The categories are:  - Coloration - Overall Design - Quality of Manufacture - Loadout - Transformations - Transformability (how easy it is to transform) Our first stop is Coloration. Here’s a photo of Sixgun sitting on our desk. 

One of the things that most appealed to us just off the shelf was his color. That tasteful contrast of white and red,  with black accents: there’s something positively [chefkiss] about it all. However, as this Six-Gun is from the “Siege” subline, he has “cosmetic battle damage”, seen on his feet here. 

Since this battle damage is really only on his feet, it doesn’t really make sense to me to have it at all, so we definitely have to dock points for that. Coloration: 4.5/5 stars. Excellent overall but the ‘battle damage’ just doesn’t work.  Next up is Overall Body Design. As we can see here, Six-Gun’s head doesn’t have humanoid eyes or mouth.

As a Robo-Lover, this is a BIG plus. A human-looking face can be nice but sometimes you just want a head that screams “yup, that’s a Robot.” His shoulders are nice and big and sharp, a little like absurd WoW pauldrons, which is also a plus. His chest is beefy and has a built-in missile launcher and looks generally solid.  In the legs department, his calves are gorgeous but the overly skinny thighs leading to his bony hips are a little bit of a turn-off. It’s a bit of a Popeye the Sailor look, which only works if you’re actually Popeye.  There’s not much to complain about but I think there were ways in which they could have made him ‘pop’.  Overall Body Design: 4/5 Stars Quality of Manufacture is a little tricky on this boy. As I understand it, he is a “parts-former”, which means that he transforms via the detachment and reattachment of his various parts. This often, apparently, leads to things being too tight in some areas, too loose in others, in ways that a non-partsformer toy might not.  His legs come off pretty easily, which is sort of expected I guess but meh. Also, his feets are a little squirrely. 

The hinges on these are very loose and the feet in general just feel like an afterthought.  I don’t have much experience to judge, but for a partsformer I think he’s more or less okay.  Quality of Manufacture: 3.5 / 5 Now, we get into the good stuff. WEAPONS. And oh boy, this guy is literally ENTIRELY weapons. Like, did you not get the memo from the name??  Now, Six-Gun isn’t just an Autobot in and of himself: his constituent parts can be disassembled as part of the C.O.M.B.A.T system to provide armaments for other Transformers! The weapons he is composed of include: Two “MTX-M2 Anti-Gravity Cannons” (his legs)

One “MTX-S2A Missile Launcher” (his lower torso/hip section)

One “MTX-50 Dual-Flank Boost Launcher (the upper part of his torso)

Two “MTX-LR Ion Pulse Blasters” (his arms + black guns)

Two “W-5 Gyro Blasters” (the little red guns)

Here’s a shot of the tech spec / booklet explaining these parts and their apparent strength, accuracy, and range. 

Clearly, the MTX-S2A has the best of all three categories, so why would he ever use anything else? Well, as a loved one once said: “These are the two great lessons of the Transformers fandom: tech specs are bullshit, and Hasbro makes mistakes.” At any rate, this is an impressive loadout of weapons, not just for Six-Gun in his base form but for use in other toys. I especially like the Anti-Gravity Cannons; if you didn’t know any better, you’d never suspect they were someone’s legs! Loadout: 5/5 Stars (or alternately, six out of six guns) Next section is Transformability. This is about how easy it is to take the boy out of the package and turn him into his vehicle mode(s).  As a Partsformer, Sixgun is remarkably easy to transform. You just pop off his arms, flip down his red rocket launcher tubes, flip up the missile launchers on “dual pack boost launcher”, cover his face with his cockpit, pop the little white vehicle part into the other hole on the lower torso section, put the arms onto the sides, finagle his legs, and voila. A boy. You’ll see what that looks like in the next section. For now, I can safely say that I could transform this fellow in my sleep.  Transformability: 5/5  So now we get to Transformations. In his original incarnation, Six-Gun did not have an alt-mode, but for Siege he got one. And here it is.

As you can see, his arms have become some sort of twin hover/propulsion blades and his legs seem to be some sort of thruster jets. Slung underneath are the missile launchers and his Gyro Blasters are primed and at the ready. So he’s some sort of VTOL, right? WRONG. According to official Hasbro materials, The 5.5-inch Deluxe WFC-S22 Class AUTOBOT SIX-GUN WEAPONIZER figure stands at 5.5 inches in robot mode and converts into a CYBERTRONIAN tank. A tank. A tank. A TANK??? This futurespace hovering gunship looking thing is supposed to be a TANK??? Hwaet.  Meshugos aside, while there’s clearly something interesting happening here there isn’t enough for it to feel compelling. I like the cockpit and the ‘wings’ of the vehicle mode, along wit the missile launchers in the position they are, but the legs and the blocky underside just make it a sort of ‘meh’ design. I’m not sure how it could have been made better, given that he’s supposed to turn into guns for other boys, but...it just feels like an after-thought.  Transformations: 3/5  Wow, our first Astro-Second Helpings article! Or since it’s the inaugural article, would that make it the Astro-First Helpings? And then the next one would be the first Astro-Second Helpings article? You know, you probably could kill Blaine the Mono with a dumb puzzle like this.  To wrap up, Transformers Siege: War for Cybertron’s Six-Gun is a pretty looking boy who turns into a lot of shooty things for other Plastic Friends to use. He’s decently built, a little prone to things being a bit loose but overall okay. His vehicle mode, however, is lackluster both in execution and failing to resemble much of anything. Nonetheless, we were enormously happy to have him and he’ll always have a special place in our heart as the first Transformer we bought with our own money. (One day, we’ll get our actual first Transformer, Transmetal Optimal Optimus back, and avenge the five year old who had it stolen/broken by a malevolent stepsibling. One day). Mathematically, our overall rating for Six-Gun should be closer to 3.5/5 than 4, but we’re going to bump him up for sentimental reasons and because in his base form he does look pretty good.  Overall Rating: 4/5

[ofbeastsandwizards]

Storms [Avengers x Teen! Reader]

Starting off with some Platonic Avengers. The Timeline is wonky, but just pretend that Peter still went to space but came back the same year-  or something. And everyone is still alive hehe ^^’

Title: Storms

Pairing: Avengers x Teen! Reader

Summary: We focus in on the reader as she is stuck alone inside of Avengers Tower by herself on a stormy night. Scared, she skype’s the Avengers on the big screen TV, and they stay with her until she falls asleep. 

Warnings: PTSD to Storms due to Past.

Lightning struck the ground furiously as you raced down the streets of New York. Your parents had just gotten struck by lightning, and you ran to find help. But nobody came. You collapsed onto the ground and let out a scream, lighting erupted nearby, sending electricity through your weak body. You screamed in pain.

“Help! Please, somebody help!” You yelled. You let the rain pour onto your back, and you buried your face into your hands. Thunder roared around you, and you jumped in fright, letting out a screech. 

You covered your mouth as tears flooded from your eyes, leaving salty streaks that blended with the rain on your face. You let out a cry, and leaned against a nearby building, your once colorful yellow sundress now dirtied and wet. Lifting your head you looked to the sky, and slid down the wall until you were on the ground, shaking from the cold. You rested you head on your knees, and cried yourself to sleep.

Fast forward five years to 2015, you were now 12. You were cornered by what seemed to be a humanoid robot. Your eyes were wide, but you were determined to get out of this alive. Your heart was pounding. With all your might, you lifted your hand, and from it generated a small spark of electricity. You narrowed your eyes. After years of living alone, you had grown some extremely tough skin, and had closed yourself off from others. 

The day your parents died in that electrical storm, you had gained powers, and with that, you had learned to control them. You could manipulate electricity. 

With a thrust of your hand, you sent an electric shockwave at the robot. It began to spark, and it fell backwards, sizzling from the amount of electricity. You smirked, happy with your accomplishment. But you had never used that much power, and you felt rather woozy. You clutched your forehead, as you saw more robots trample through the streets. Your vision went blurry, and you passed out, too weak to stay awake. 

When you awoke that day, you were in a bed. The same bed you were now sitting in, 4 years later. 

You looked up from your book you were reading as the door to your bedroom opened. Taped to the walls were posters of the Avengers, and a few of your favorite bands. Your walls were painted a pale [f/c], and you had fairy lights strung above you bed. 

And in the doorway, a head poked in. It was Tony Stark. “Hey Kid,” You grinned.

Tony had taken you in to join the Avengers after he learned about your powers the day of the Ultron attack. You were genuinely amazed at the offer, and despite your young age, immediately took it. (Much to the distaste of Steve and Natasha, who were genuinely concerned for your well-being.)

“Hey Tony, what’s up?” You asked, setting down your book. Tony moved a bit further into the doorway. 

“Just wanted to let you know, the team is going out tonight, so you’ll be here alone for a while.” Of course, you’d been alone in the tower more than once. But never at night, not that it really bothered you. You were used to being alone. 

You tilted your head. “What for?”

“Some rich family is throwing a party to celebrate the Avengers.” You furrowed you brows. 

“I’m an Avenger. How come I can’t go?” You asked. Tony sighed. 

“Look, Kid, you’re still to young.” You narrowed your eyes at Tony.

“Is Peter going?” You asked. 

Tony tensed. “Well, yeah, but-”

“That’s not fair! Peter’s only a month older than me!” You argued. 

Tony crossed his arms. “He’s been on more missions than you have, plus he’s been to-”

“Yeah, ‘He’s been to Space’, I know, you dont have it rub it in.” You grumbled. Tony chuckled.

“Call us if you need anything.” And with that, he turned and shut the door. You sighed, and set your book on your nightstand, laying back down in your bed and closing your eyes, letting the light rain outside lull you to sleep.

You were awoken with a loud crack of thunder, you bolted upright in your bed, your heart pounding. You looked out your window. The night sky was gray, and rain was pouring heavily down. Out of nowhere, a bolt of lightning rained from the sky, sending you flying out of your bed and underneath it, as thunder rumbled outside.

You hid your face in your hands, and let out a scream when the thunder roared again. You immediately had flashbacks from years before, your parents staring at you as lightning struck them violently, their bodies stiffening as the life was sucked out of them. You shook your head quickly, trying hard to forget the moment. 

Without realizing it, you were standing and clutching yourself, rocking back and forth. You stopped, and made your way to your door. You opened it, just as a loud thunder erupted outside. You immediately rushed out your door and slammed it behind you. 

Racing down the hall, you reached the elevator. You chose to avoid it however, in fear the storm may lead it to break-down. You instead chose the fire-escape stairs and made your way to the penthouse level. You swung open the door and ran straight to the couch. You leapt under a blanket, and pulled out your phone.

You yelped as lightning flashed in the corner of your vision. You squeezed your eyes shut, and then reopened them. You found Loki’s number. For some odd reason, you had managed to get his number before he left earth again. You did this solely because he was fun to be around, and you didn’t seem to mind his pranks and games, and were always kind to him. He liked this about you, and you enjoyed hanging out with him, despite Tony always getting mad when you did.

You dialed his number. You had no idea if he would pick up. 

Then, he did.

“Loki!”

“Hello? Who is this?” His voice could be heard from the other end.

You shuddered when thunder struck from outside. “I-I don’t know what’s going on, b-but please tell T-Thor to stop f-freaking out! I-It’s really ba-bad on E-Earth-”

“[Y/n]? Is that you?” His voice softened. “What’s happening?”

You fought tears. “A really bad storm! It must have something to do with Thor! W-where is he? Can you calm him down? P-Please-?” Your voice cracked. Unbeknownst to you, Loki felt horrible. Thor was sleeping, and must have been having a genuinely terrible dream for it to be so bad that you would resort to calling him. 

“He is sleeping. He must be having a nightmare. I’m afraid I can’t do anything about that.” 

You bit your lip, tears springing to your eyes as lighting flashed outside, followed by a roar of thunder. “Oh, God- O-okay, t-thanks anyways-” 

Loki frowned. “I’m terribly sorry [Y/n].” You nodded.

“It’s o-okay-” A very loud thunder sounded from outside causing you to yelp. “B-bye!” 

You hung up the phone, tears now streaming down your face. You breathed in shakily. 

You then looked up at the television. Your shaking hand reached for the remote, and you turned on the t.v. “F-F. R. I. D. A .Y?”

“Yes, [Y/n]?” FRIDAY’s voice rung throughout the room. 

“C-Can you skype call, Steve Rogers?” 

“On it.”

And with that, the t.v screen became the skype call screen. You sat curled in a blanket, flinching each time thunder would crack outside. Then, the call was picked up. Steve was in his Captain America suit, and looked at his phone screen. 

“[Y/n]?” He asked. [Y/n] nodded. 

You put on a weak smile. “H-heya, C-Cap!” 

His face grew worried, and he looked up. “Nat! Get the rest of the Avengers, [Y/n] called!” He yelled out off screen. He looked back to his phone. 

“You okay, [Y/n]?” Your smile dropped and you let yourself break down as you shook your head.

“No. N-No, I’m not!” You cried. Steve’s heart was breaking seeing you like this. You had grown to be like a daughter for many of the Avengers. And when you were hurt or sad, it made them feel terrible. 

Soon, Nat was leaning over Steve’s shoulder. “[Y/n]? Hey- what’s wrong?” She asked. 

“S-Storms! I-I hate storms!”

Nat frowned. “Oh, [Y/n]...” 

Tony then appeared beside Steve. “You called?” He asked. Then, his eyes focused on the screen. 

“Oh God- [Y/n] what the hell happened?” He asked hurriedly. “Did somebody hurt you-?!” 

[Y/n] shook her head. “S-Storms-”

Tony’s eyes softened. “Oh.”

Then Bruce appeared, next was Clint, and than Wanda and Peter. Even Vision was there. 

“G-guys- when are you coming back?” You asked. 

“Not for a while, [Y/n].” Bruce said sadly. 

Peter looked away. You were one of his closest friends, despite being homeschooled. You had never been this emotional, and it hurt to see you like this. 

“How about we stay with you until you fall asleep?” Wanda offered. You rubbed your eyes.

“S-sure...”

Then, the Avengers began chatting with you, trying to cheer you up.

You pulled out your phone. “Y-y’know, I’ve been looking at Avengers memes lately-” She showed her phone to the group, one of the memes present on screen. 

The group had a mix of reactions. Some of laughter, some of confusion and some were even of just plain annoyance. 

Eventually, you grew tired and laid your head down on the cushion of the couch, letting your eyes fall closed. 

You drifted into sleep, and Tony smiled. 

“F.R.I.D.A.Y, end call.”

[jungshookz]

android!yoongi

→ pairing: min yoongi x reader

→ genre: android!au becauSe for some reason android aus are popping up everywhere, the usual heaping serving of fluff and comedy, N S F W like reALLY nsfw i poPPED OFF this time i don’t know even know what happened,,, forgive me god for i have sinned, a n g s t, i definitely teared up a little writing this because i was listening to kim bum soo’s i miss you and it made me 100x more emo

→ trigger warnings: this does get a little intense! beware!! 

→ wordcount: 24k like that bruno mars song

→ note: um,,,,, this is literally 24k+ words i don’t even know what to say,,, how did i write so much without realising???? but ya a lot of android aus have been popping up on my dashboard and i’m seeing a lot of android!jungkook but i feLt like android!yoongi was more fitting?? aLso thank u so much for the love n support for ceo!yoongi i 100% was not expecting it to get as many likes and reblogs as it did so you guys are truly the best!!!!!!!! anyways i had a loT of fun writing this and i hope u guys like android!yoongi as much as i do :-))) 

pst if u wanna talk to android yoongs u know what to do ;-) 

(gif isn’t mine!) ((i had such a hard time choosing a gif because he looks so boyfriend-y in all of them but i ended up going with this one because at one point in the fic he feeds u with chopsticks)) 

(((and the read more function iS there but most of the time it doesn’t work on mobile :// i am sorry don’t attack me by sending passive-aggressive anon messages)))

“oh, absolutely fucking not.”

“y/n, please.”

“no.”

“pLEASE”

“namjoon, no!!!!” you slam your fork down on the table and clear your throat when you get a couple glances from other customers near you

“c’mon, why not???”

“i have a life!! i’m not going to babysit a robot-“

“it’s a humanoid android. actually the professional term for it is a human mind model adaptive super android.”

“right, i’m not going to babysit a roBOT for you because you wanna see if you can make a profit selling weird robot slaves.”

“they’re not weird! and i’ve been working on them for a long time - since the beginning of freshmen year! we finally have a prototype and i thought you’d be the perfect human for Y00NGI.”

“don’t give it a name, you’re humanising it. and what kind of a name is Y00NGI, anyways??”

“it’s supposed to be a take on you and i. get it??”

“that’s terrible and i hate that with my entire soul. i just don’t get why i have to take care of it. can’t you get jin to take care of it? he’s like 100x more responsible than i am.”

“y/n, the purpose of this robot is to be like… a helper. jin doesn’t need any help with anything. you on the other hand….. i know you hate it when i say this but you’ve kind of…. you’ve been a mess since your breakup with kihyun and i just thought it’d be good for you to have Y00NGI around to help out!! someone to pick up your takeaway boxes and someone to wake you up so you get to work on damn time for once and aLso someone to force you out of the house because of how socially awkward you-“

“i’m not socially awk- why didn’t you name it Y00NI instead? that’s more like you and i than Y00NGI.”

you’re like hiGHKEY offended that namjoon thinks you’re unable to take care of yourself and that you’re socially awkward like you can make a REALLY good grilled cheese sandwich and you’re like okay-ish at interacting with other people your age

sure one time you accidentally threw in a red sock into the whites and all your sheets turned pink but that doesn’t mean you can’t freaking take care of yourself

and pink sheets are totally trendy right now

okay about kihyun

first things first you’ve been a single lady for a couple months now

yes you admit that you kind of turned into a liTTle bit of a hot mess after kihyun broke up with you

to be fair he was the one who always cooked and cleaned and made you interact with his friends

but you always tried your best to make meals for him and you always had a smile on your face whenever the two of you hung out with hIS friends - he ended the relationship because he felt like you were holding him back

you don’t like to get into it

but you’re better now!!!!!!

you sort of know the basics of the washing machine and you can also make pretty good spaghetti so sUCK on that kihyun

plus you just liked staying home rather than going out to party but that didn’t make u socially awkward

“look, it was a creative decision on my part, alright? i don’t see what the big deal is.”

“you know how i feel about technology, joon. i got freaked out when you asked your alexa thing to tell you a joke and she not only told you a horrible joke but also had a very demon-y laugh.”  

“you know... jungkook thinks Y00NGI is pretty cool.”

you perk up at the mere mention of jungkook

long story short you have the FATTEST crush on jungkook and you would honestly probably kill someone for him

after your nasty breakup with kihyun he always found ways to cheer you up

you work at the library at bangtan laboratories and jungkook always brought you lunch and snacks and came up to tell you stories and keep you company

so it wasn’t a huge surprise when one day you felt your heart flutter when he smiled at you in his adorable bunny way

namjoon’s the only one who knows considering he’s ur best friend but now he’s just using it against you

“so jungkook should take care of it.”

“he lives with jimin - he doesn’t need a helper. i’m sure he’d visit your place a LOT if you took Y00NGI in.” namjoon smirks to himself and takes a sip of his coffee when he notices your change in expression

okay well

taking care of an android-humanoid-thing wouldn’t be too bad

it’s only for a couple of months so that namjoon can see if his creation actually works

you won’t have to cook for yourself or clean for yourself

and jungkook might pop over more often as namjoon said

hm

“well- fine. only because i’m… a good person and a good friend. that’s the only reason why i’m helping you out.”

namjoon’s like loL okay ya sure

the rest of lunch goes by and namjoon’s just excited that he’ll finally be able to see if his android will actually work

a week goes by and you get daily texts from namjoon telling you Y00NGI is almost ready for you and you hATE that because it sounds like he’s sending Y00NGI to assassinate you

like literally one of the texts you got was just

’soon.’

and you wanted to murder namjoon because it freaked you out so much

it’s sunday morning and you’re enjoying a nice bowl of cinnamon toast crunch while watching cartoons when you hear your doorbell

you wipe the sprinkles of sugar off your mouth as you rush to the door and

holy shit

“i’ve got a package here for miss y/l/n?”

you’re tempted to tell the mailman that miss y/l/n lives somewhere else because jeSUS this is a HUGE box

“that’s, uh, that’s me i guess”

he hands you a clipboard and you sign off on it and he wheels the damn thing into the middle of your living room and then is just like peace out

so now you’re standing in the middle of your living room with this big ass cardboard box

the first thing you do is call namjoon

“hello?” his voice is groggy which indicates he was still asleep

“why didn’t you tell me this box was so big!! how big is this thing!!!”

“he’s not a thing, don’t be rude. he’s a little taller than you and a little shorter than me. the box is big because i put like a bunch of packaging peanuts and styrofoam in so he wouldn’t be damaged when he arrived!!! he’s not cheap you know!!!!!!!”

“i thought he was made out of like metal”

“he’s not a tin man, y/n. his outer layer is made out of this synthetic silicon so he feels exacTLY like a human and i wanted to get him to you without a single scratch”

that is… sO FREAKY R U KIDDING ME

you don’t really want to open this package

what if it tries to kill you

“anyways you’ll have to charge him up for a little while because i didn’t recharge him before i packaged him up.”

“do i plug him in like a phone??? where do i even- omg do i plug the thing up his butt or somethi-“

“he’s in a charging pod right now. that’s another reason why the package is so big. you just have to plug the pod into the wall it’s not that hard.”

“namjoon i can’t moVE this thing alone-“

“omg you’re so whiney okay fine i’m coming over” namjoon hangs up on you and ur like the auDAcity of this man

while you wait for namjoon you get a box cutter and slice the sides of the box open

the sides of the box plop down onto the ground and your whole floor is littered in package peanuts and you see-

well it kinda looks like a fridge

but like a ~futuristic~ fridge

and on the front of the door you see Y 0 0 N G I

you see a little symbol blinking underneath his name

it’s an empty battery symbol and it’s bright red telling u that he’s out of juice

phEW

that means he won’t be able to murder you anytime soon

you kind of want to open the door and see what this Y00NGI thing looks like but you’re scared

god why did you agree to do this

so now instead of watching cartoons you’re shovelling cereal into your mouth and keeping an eye on the charging booth to make sure nothing suspicious happens

about 15 minutes go by and you’re so relieved when namjoon walks in and the other boys are trailing behind him and he’s like ur lucky i love u i would rather be asleep

and you’re like yOU’re lucky i love yOU otherwise i would never have agreed to this

namjoon: i’m also lucky you love jung-

you: ….juST help me move this stupid thing hHAAHhaa

you greet the other boys good morning

and you’re especially sweet to jungkook

he’s like :) hi y/n!!! i hope u slept well

he’s so cuTE you want to RIP OUT YOUR HEART and give it to him

ahem

namjoon wants to leave Y00NGI in your living room but there’s no way in hell you’re going to leave it here

what if you wanna get water in the middle of the night but then you have this pill-shaped fridge just blocking your path

“move it into the spare bedroom - if it freaks me out i’ll just lock it in.”

“it’s a HE y/n respect him!!!!” taehyung smacks your arm and nudges you aside so that he can help namjoon move the pod “jin-hyung and i spent a long time designing his face and his body so you better not do anything to fuck it up”

you kinda feel bad that you’re not helping the boys move the pod because it looks pretty heavy and all their faces are going red

but they think you’re a klutz and you’ll drop it on the way to the bedroom and chip something so they were all like nO you can’t help us please just sit down and don’t move

it takes the six of them ten minutes to move it into the guest bedroom down the hall and you’re sweating on their behalf and you’re like wOO that was tough good job guys while you’re just lounging on the couch and they’re all glaring at you lmao

“i plugged the pod into the wall for you - i’ll pay your electricity bills, so don’t worry about that. he takes up a lot of power.” namjoon mentions and gives you a sheepish smile when you’re like excuse mE whaT

“how long does he take to charge?”

“depends on how much battery he has. he’ll be ready by tonight since he’s completely outta battery” namjoon shrugs and plops down next to you

“i programmed him especially for you he knows like everYthing there is to know about you”

“…how much does he know”

“which hospital you were born at what your favourite food is what time you wake up what time you go to sleep what your favourite shampoo is what your mother’s maiden name is what your-“

“okAY i get it”

it’s safe to say that you are very much freaked out

as much as you like jungkook you’re not sure if this is even worth it anymore

this hunk of metal charging up in your room knows you better than you know yourself

it’s just eery because it…. well it’s a robot

you could peel its face back and you’d just see a freaky metal skeleton

you shudder to yourself but you’re like u know what we already went over the benefits of having this helper robot here so it’ll be fine

“you have to bring him to the lab every two weeks so i can check on his diagnostics and see if anything needs tweaking”

“…do i need to carry him and his pod there”

“nah the two of you can just walk over”

it’s still weird that they’re referring to the robot as if it was an actual human being rather than a machine but whatever you’ll get used to it

the lab is like a ten minute walk away from your place so it’s fine

you live in this pretty nice neighbourhood anD your apartment is pretty big anD you’re close to the lab so you can see why namjoon chose your place

“also you’ll have to wear this 24/7.” jungkook appears out of nowhere and takes your hand and you’re like omG his hands are so soft but then he’s clipping this bracelet around your wrist and you’re like wat

it looks like it’s made out of glass and you can see all the different coloured wires inside

and there’s a little Y00NGI etched on it

your eyes widen in surprise when the Y00NGI suddenly lights up and the bracelet gives you a little zap

“ah, there we go”

“ow! what the-“ you try to shake it off but you can’t

it’s like

attached to you somehow

it’s snug around your wrist

not snug enough to be considered uncomfortable but snug enough to make you aware of its presence

“it’s so Y00NGI can keep track of where you are and also if you’re ever sick he’ll be able to know your temperature and nurse you back to health”

“can i not take this thing off??”

“well… you can,,, with this key” he holds up a key and puts it back into his pocket “buT you lose things really easily and this bracelet is very very very expensive so nO you are not allowed to take this thing off”

“but-“

“it’s waterproof and sweatproof and everything in between so you’ll be fine!!” jungkook flashes you a sweet smile and you’re like okAy i’ll keep it on because u said so

“okay let me tell you a little bit about Y00NGI before we head off”

“aren’t you going to stay here until he wakes up??”

“that’ll take too long and we’re working on some more prototypes at the lab”

namjoon and the boys plop down on your couch and you sit opposite to them on your sofa chair

“as i mentioned before, Y00NGI is a human mind model adaptive super android”

“i know what each of those words mean but i don’t know what they mean when you put them all together like that”

“basically he’s programmed to learn things and grow smarter - so i don’t want you being a bad influence on- well, actually, he has more common sense than you do so i guess i don’t have to worry about that”

gasp

namjoon is so lucky you adore him otherwise he wouldn’t be getting away with all these snarky dIGS

“he knows the basic emotions like happy and sad and angry or whatever but the more time he spends with you the more emotions he’ll pick up-“

“i just hope he doesn’t become as dramatic as you”

“oh says yoU” you scowl at jin but now you’re wondering how the heck a robot can even feEL things in the first place

“so if i pinched him would he feel it?”

“of course he’d feel it”

“so he hurts too?”

“….why does this sound mildly threatening”

“nO i’m just curious i’m not going to hurt your robot friend”

namjoon wants to scream Y00NGI IS NOT JUST A ROBOT HE’S A HUMAN MIND MODEL-

“looK we’ve been working on Y00NGI for a long time and even though he’s built to withstand pretty much anything i still want you to be careful with him”

obviously you’ll be careful with him you’re not a monster

“you don’t have to feed him. of course he’s designed to ingest human food but like,, it won’t do anything for him lol he also doesn’t need to use the washroom either!!” while namjoon’s talking to you he unlocks your phone and plugs it into his laptop

“hey!!!!! what do you think you’re doing” you reach forward and namjoon smacks your hand away

“i’m installing Y00NGI’s app on your phone. i’m sorry it’s not available on the app store for you to download” he snorts and his fingers fly over the keyboard before he hits enter and you see a brand new app pop up on your home screen

“what’s the purpose of this app? it better not be like that app you downloaded on my phone last time that gave you full access to my texts-“

“i already told you i only did it because you were mad at me and i diDN’T know why and you weren’t talking to me so i really didn’t have a choice loOK the point is this isn’t another hacking app you’re fine”

“okay so tell me what it does”

“it monitors Y00NGI’s battery levels, Y00NGI can even send you a message on here if he wants!! also if there’s like a loose wire somewhere the app will show you where it is on his body and where you’re supposed to plug it back in”

namjoon spends a little more time telling you about Y00NGI and you’re still kind of freaked out but at the end of the day you’re proud of joon and the boys for inventing this human computer… android adaptor charger… robot.. man (is that what it’s called?? u already forgot)

“well we’ll be on our way now!! text me when Y00NGI wakes up” namjoon gives you a quick hug and the other boys are saying goodbye before you know it

you spend the rest of the day tidying up a little and doing some chores

for some reason you feel like you need to impress this hunk of metal that’s going to be living with you for the next eight months

you’re intimidated to go into his room and check if he’s fully charged so you can finally turn him on

so you promise yourself you’ll turn him on after dinner (which is pizza!!!!!!!)

you’re nibbling on your fourth slice of pizza and you pop the rest of the crust into your mouth and c r o n c h  thoughtfully

and then your phone buzzes next to you

Notification: Y00NGI APP - BATTERY FULLY CHARGED.

ok

ok cool

no need to be nervous

after all yoU are the one in control here

you are de captain of this ship

yoongi’s YOUR helper

you dust your hands off and stand up and head towards yoongi’s room

the door opens with a creak and you quickly turn the lights on

you end up staring at the yoongi refrigerator for like one whole minute but you shake your nerves off

it’s now or neVer

you don’t know why but you glance over your shoulder for some reason before you open up the pod door and

holy moly

taehyung and jin really put a lot of effort into designing Y00NGI’s face because he is literally the prettiest boy you think you’ve ever seen and you’re friends with jin and jimin and jungkook etc

a phrase to describe this face: boyfriend material

you’re kind of squatting down because his head is bent over since he’s standing upright and then your thighs start to burn from standing like this just staring up at Y00NGI so you cup his face and hold it up

you’re close enough to see each individual pore on his face

he has soft black tousled hair and it kind of shines in the light of the guest bedroom

his lashes cast a shadow over his cheeks

his lips are so cute

he even has a couple ear piercings

namjoon was right he does feel exactly like a human

you’re kind of having fun just squishing his face and washing his lips purse and unpurse because ??? he’s very VERY lifelike it’s almost concerning

they really went all out when they were designing Y00NGI

you can already tell that these BTS2500 androids are going to be popular when namjoon releases them if they’re as pretty as Y00NGI

“alright yoongi let’s see how to turn you on… oh yEs” you remember namjoon showing you where Y00NGI’s power button is

you wrap a hand around the back of his neck and blindly feel around for the button that should be on the nape of his-

you jump when Y00NGI powers up immediately as you hit the button

you take a step back and you see that he’s definitely awake but it looks like he’s still warming up a little because you can see his pupils dilating and constricting rapidly

and then he blinks once and his eyes settle on you

“Hello. I am Y00NGI. M1N Y00NGI.”

his eyes scan over your entire figure

“You are Y/N Y/L/N.”

“…ya that’s me” you’re still kind of shook because you don’t… really know what to DO “do you… do you wanna stay in your pod or should i…”

how do you even talk to a robot???

you gesture to the wire that’s plugged into the nape of his neck underneath his power button which you’re assuming is his charging cord

“you got enough juice in you?? my app tells me you’re at 99.9% but i can let you chill here until it-”

“I would like to inspect my surroundings.” you nod and reach forward and gently yank the cord out and you’re like :00000 when you see a flap of skin suddenly cover up the charging port and now it looks like a normal neck

yoongi steps out and then his pupils suddenly light up and there’s like a hologram of a blueprint that beams out of his eyes

“Scan complete. Location secure.” and then he’s walking out of the room and you’re not sure if you should turn the pod off to save battery or

“waiT yoongi where are you goi-“ you can’t even finish your question because he’s already going down your hallway to the living room

he’s standing there just staring at the TV so you move past him to sit on the couch

you don’t know where to go from here so you decide to continue eating your dinner

“Pizza is unhealthy.”

“but it’s good.”

you’re about to offer him a slice when he speaks up again

“One pepperoni pizza is approximately 2269 calories. Total fat: 83 grams. Total saturated fat: 38 grams. Cholesterol: 145 mg. Sodium: 5100.9 mg. Sugars: 31g.” yoongi starts naming off all the nutritional value facts of pizza while staring right at you and you’re like omg sTOP I GET IT

“Are you still hungry?”

“not really i mean i already had four slices so”

“Good.”

yoongi bends down and picks up the pizza box and proceeds to throw it into the bin

he looks over his shoulder at tilts his head slightly

“I am sensing that you are upset. Why are you upset?”

“you threw away my dinner!!!!!!”

even though you’re pretty full like you had four slices so you’re fine but stILL you liked eating cold leftover pizza for breakfast the next day

“Oh.” he looks down at the bin. “I suppose that is something you will have to deal with, then.”

and you’re like

excUSE ME

why is this android so,,,, sassy

namjoon did mention that jin was the one who programmed his personality so

like father like son

“You must sleep soon. The time now is 10:41PM.” he pauses and his eyes do that weird glitchy thing again “My database tells me that you have a very unhealthy sleeping schedule.”

UM

you’re getting roasted by a damn hunk of metal and you don’t even have a witty comeback

“i’m an adult, yoongi. i’ll go to bed whenever i want.” you snort and snuggle back into the couch and you hit play on the- “oH MY GOD PUT ME DOWN” suddenly everything’s spinning and you realise yoongi just threw you over his shoulder and is marching you down the hallway

you’re still flailing over his shoulder as he enters the washroom and picks up your toothbrush and squeezes some toothpaste on it for you

finally he lets you down but before you can say anything he shoves the toothbrush into your mouth and turns you over so that you’re facing the mirror

“i wuz goinf to eat some icfe cream after the pizza, you know”

“What kind of ice cream?”

you’re pleasantly surprised that he seems curious about your ice cream

“strawberry cheesecake flavoured ice cream it’s my fAvourite and-“

“One cup of strawberry cheesecake flavoured ice cream contains approximately-“ you roll your eyes and drown him out by turning on the tap as you brush your teeth and rinse your mouth out

once you’re done he follows you to your bedroom and then he nudges you in and immediately shuts the door without saying a word

“oh so you’re nOT going to tuck me in????” you feel obligated to ask him that considering he’s been treating you like a child

yoongi opens the door and pokes his head in a little as you’re about to get into bed

“You are an adult. Tuck yourself in.” and then he shuts the lights off and slams the door again and oOH you are so tempted to just hit that power-off button on the back of his neck so you won’t have to deal with him anymore

damn

how did namjoon rope you into doing this

8 damn months

“Time to wake up.”

you’re still half asleep even when yoongi pulls the blanket off of you causing you to whine and kick and blindly reach for your blanket

“You have to be at the lab in one hour.”

“what time is it??”

“It is 7:00AM.”

you rub the sleep out of your eyes and wince at the early morning sunlight

yoongi already opened up your curtains and you hATE being woken up by blinding sunlight

“i only need like half an hour to get ready let me sleep for another fifteen minutes” you drop your head back onto your pillow and shut your eyes again and- “oH jESUS is this going to become a regular thing because i am noT a fan of this” yoongi has you over his shoulder again and when he plops you down you’re staring at your crusty morning face in the bathroom mirror

“You don’t have ingredients in your fridge required for a nutritional breakfast. However, I made a cup of coffee for you. Please come to the kitchen in 20 minutes.” yoongi shuts the washroom door and you see that he’s hung your work uniform up behind it

dang

usually you’re reaching into your hamper and digging through it for your wrinkly blouse and trousers but

you’ve never seen your uniform look so neat and crisp before

and that coffee stain on the sleeve is gone

“alright, robot. you win this time.” you mumble to yourself and then you’re washing up and getting ready for the day

“It is now 7:35. According to my maps, we are ten minutes away from Bangtan Laboratories. I suggest you leave within the next five minutes to avoid tardiness.”

“i’m usually five or ten minutes late and no sane person would want to come check out books at eight in the morning so i’m not in a rush” you plop down on the couch and turn on your cartoons and then you take a sip of the coffee that- “oH good god what the hell is this????” you look down at the sludge in your cup and wince before setting it down on the coffee table

so you definitely need to teach yoongi how to make a cup of coffee if he’s going to be making your coffee for the next 8 months

“Is something the matter?”

“how did you make my coffee??”

“I ground up coffee beans and mixed some water into it. According to my database, coffee is essentially a mixture of C. arabica and water.”

“C. arabi- what is C. ara- okay you know what i’ll teach you how to make coffee when i get back from work today” hopefully you can get jimin to give you a cup of coffee free of charge

you’re trying to enjoy your morning cartoons but it’s hard when yoongi’s kind of just standing there staring at you blankly

“…wanna watch some cartoons with me?” you scoot over a little and pat the seat next to you

“It is now 7:38. I recommend that you leave in two minutes to avoid-.”

“this episode is nearly done just come and sit” yoongi blinks twice but then he nods and comes and sits next to you

“Do not slouch. It is bad for your posture.”

you let out a sigh and roll your eyes and stand up

“you knoW what you’re right i should leave now thanks for the coffee yoongs” you offer him a smile while you’re lacing your shoes up “uh, i guess you can watch TV all day if you want?? there are a couple books in your room that you can read as well. namjoon picked them out for you so expect some classic literature and poetry and all that jazz”

“My name is Y00NGI. Not ‘Yoongs’.” yoongi blinks at you and you groan internally he’s just so ???????? he’s the complete opposite of you he’s so stiff and orderly and boring but of course you suck it up because you’re doing this for the boys and maybe you can ask jin to tweak his personality a little bit heeehee

“byE yOOnGS” you slam the door behind you before he can respond and you start your walk to work

yoongi stares at the door after you leave and then the corner of his lips twitch up in a small smile

he’s trying to replicate your bright smile but the most he can muster is a teeny little smile

“Yoongs.” he mutters to himself and then he returns his attention to the TV

when you come home that night you are surprised to see that your dinky apartment is,,, spotless

and now that it’s clean it makes it seem like your place is a loT bigger

and wow your coffee table is supposed to be thAt colour?? crazy

“uh, hello? i’m home…” you’re about to kick your shoes off and dump your jacket on the ground and yoongi suddenly appears in front of you and stops you before you can do so

“You have a coat rack for a reason. You also have a shoe rack. Please use them.” you sigh and place your shoes on the rack and hang your jacket up before turning to yoongi and going like r u happy now u neat freak android

“do you eat human food?”

“I don’t. I could. But I prefer not to, otherwise I’ll have to open up my stomach compartment and empty it. Which is not ideal.” you cringe and ur like yuck okay fair enough

“okay, well… i’m going to order dinner for myself, so i guess you can just sit here”

yoongi grabs your wrist before you can scurry off to the drawers where you usually stash all the takeout menus

“I threw out all of your takeout menus. You cannot live off Chinese food and pizza every day.”

“you whA-“ you press your lips together to keep yourself from screaming at yoongi but your preCIOUS MENUS ARE GONE

okay look

he cleaned your apartment for you which was actually pretty nice of him

but

piZZA!!!!!

“I ordered groceries while you were gone. Your fridge is now stocked with fruits, vegetables, almond milk - everything’s natural and organic, and most importantly - good for you.”

“almond milk- yOongi look that was really nice of you and stuff but i’m not- i don’t drink nUT milk i drink cow milk and also??? i hate fruits and i hate vegetables”

“I can see that, considering the state of your skin.” Yoongi hums and his eyes light up before he scans over your face slowly “Mild acne. Very common. The lack of pizza will hopefully clear up your skin soon. You’re looking a little swollen in the face, too. Must be all the sodium. Come - I’ve steamed some vegetables for you.”

yoongi disappears into the kitchen and you’re standing there like

eXCUSE YOU

you turn and look into the mirror hanging by the door and u know what he’s right you’re looking a lil more bloated than usual and your skin is kind of splotchy and woW that pimple wasn’t there this morning

your period’s coming!!! so that’s your excuse to pig out a little because you always need junk food for your cramps    

you know what you’re going to give that robot a piece of your mind and show him who’s boss here because it certainly isn’t hiM

“okay, listen here-“ you swing open the kitchen door and storm over to yoongi who’s standing by the stove with your steamed vegetables “i know you’re supposed to be taking care of me and everything but i refuse to eat these damn vegetables because- mmph!”

yoongi shoves a floret of broccoli into your mouth and you automatically chew

oh

this isn’t half bad

there’s some minced garlic in here

mm

“Sit. Eat.” yoongi nudges you to sit down on the stool and sets the plate of veggies in front of you “Finish it all.”

your stomach grumbles and you frown a little

you were really craving some juicy fried chicken tonight

maybe some yam fries with that really good chipotle mayo

dang

as soon as you finish your dinner (which was a lot better than u thought it’d be) you dial namjoon’s number into your phone and look over your shoulder to make sure yoongi isn’t there

“hello?”

“your robot just made me eat a plate of vegetables”

“he did? wow! he’s better than i thought he’d be because you never eat vegetables”

“wha- namjoon, the point here is that he’s being a control freak!! i want pizza!!”

“it’s all part of the test, y/n. if there’s a flaw in his system we’ll fix it up when you bring him in at the end of the month.”

“oh, there are pLenty of flaws in his system. i’d like to take a pair of scissors and just snIP-“

“Ahem. Put your plate into the dishwasher when you’re done. And I’m cutting off your phone usage. According to my database, you’re on your phone most hours of the day.”

“you’re not my dad so-“ all of a sudden yoongi grabs your phone from you and shuts it off and then he’s pointing to the dishwasher

he’s literally acting like your dad and it’s infuriating

“give me my phone!” you ignore him and hold your hand out for your phone “who do you think you are??”

“Y00NGI. Who are you?”

“i-“ okay you should’ve seen that coming “just gimme my phone!!”

unsurprisingly

this little argument ends with you not getting your phone and you being sent into your room early

you feel like a child and it’s ridiculous

and you can’t even complain to namjoon about his stupid android because said android hAS your phone

“It is 7:00AM. You have work in an hour.”

it feels like deja vu when you wake up to the sound of that monotonous voice and the feeling of someone ripping a blanket off of you and also your blinds are up so the sun is bLINDING you

“it’s 7am you have work in an hour” you mock grumpily and yelp when yoongi smacks you with a pillow

and so

you and yoongi fall into this routine

he wakes you up

you grumble curses at him

you go to work

you come back home

yoongi’s there with your dinner

yoongi scolds you for watching cartoons

yoongi scolds you for sneaking some chips onto your dinner plate

yoongi catches you with a pint of ice cream in your grubby little hands  

how??? did he not catch that??

maybe if he was more observant he would’ve noticed that one of your boobs was significantly bigger than the other

yoongi clicks the TV off and sends you to wash up

you go to bed

yoongi cleans up the living room and puts the ice cream away

yoongi heads to his charging pod for the night and powers off

two weeks go by and you have to admit that you’ve gotten pretty used to having yoongi there 24/7

finally the day comes where you have to bring yoongi into the lab so namjoon can see if everything’s running smoothly

“aren’t you excited?? this is your first time out!!”

“There are more productive things that I could be doing right now. You interrupted me while I was uploading the entire Oxford dictionary into my hard drive.” even though you have your fingers wrapped around yoongi’s wrist and you’re tugging pretty hard to get him to move faster he’s still moving as slow as a snail so that’s gr8 for u

“you can upload it to your brain when we head back to my place. namjoon needs to see you so it’s not really my fault” you push him into the lift and he turns around and scowls at you

“Why do you manhandle me like that? Just because I’m a robot doesn’t mean you can treat me like this. Didn’t you notice the ‘fragile’ sticker on my box?” you’re tempted to roll your eyes because you’ve come to realise that yoongi can be very dramatic sometimes but like

he makes a fair point

you haven’t really been the nicest person to him in the last two weeks

he just

gets on your nerves!!!!!!!

“fair enough. i’m sorry. i think i… i was just kind of offended that namjoon wanted you to take care of me because i’m like… a grown woman and it’s embarrassing.”

yoongi blinks at you and then turns to face the doors as the elevator goes up “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. I’m just here to help you. Plus, you need someone to take care of you. You can’t just eat pizza every night for dinner. And you can’t just wash your face with water and hand soap every night.”

……he makes a fair point once again

“Y00NGI, if you could just lie down here that would be great” namjoon points to the silver bed and you’re like low-key scared because it looks like an operating table

yoongi lies down and makes himself comfortable and rests his hands on his stomach

“i’m just going to be performing a basic electroencephalogram on you. i’m putting you to sleep now.”

a basic electroelephant-what-gram

you want to ask namjoon what the hell an electroscopicphahalalagram is but he looks pretty focused right now

yoongi’s eyes flutter shut and hoseok and jin work to place the small metal discs on his scalp and they’re all hooked up to some machines

suddenly a bunch of what you’re assuming to be yoongi’s statistics appear on namjoon’s monitor screen

all the information on there would be normal for a human except for the B A T T E R Y : 8 7 % part

“what’s that? and that? and that?”

namjoon’s been friends with you for a loNg long time so he’s learned to just drown you out whenever you get…. annoying

“is that his heartbeat? it’s pretty slow. what’s his heart made of? does he even have a heart? also - i have a question” you raise your hand and look around at the other boys expecting them to ask you what your question is but they never do

“i have a qUES-“

“wHAT y/n what is your question??” namjoon spins around and glares at you and you smile at him sheepishly

“if i cut yoongi open would he bleed??”

that’s

slightly concerning

“i’m sorry what”

“what i’m asking is does yoongi have.. like… human.. bodily fluids too…”

“i mean, like, yes? and no? his pee isn’t actually pee like if you gave him water to drink then he would just pee out water and maybe some motor oil if he has a loose screw but ya that’s it”

“oH you know what though i actually, uh,” taehyung stifles a laugh “okAy look i wanted to make him more realistic so like i bought a bottle of… fake semen and so there’s a little tank of semen inside of yoongi”

namjoon groans and turns to look at the younger boy “i told you not to!!!”

“i’m sorry!!!! i couldn’t help myself!!!! i promise it’s the good stuff tho like you can swallow it and it wouldn’t even-”

“oH my god i’m not talking about this. y/n, yoongi bleeds and kind of pees. and apparently he can ejaculate now.”

“so if you ever wanna hop on that diCK feel free to-“

“sHUT UP what if he can hear you!!!!” you slap your hands over yoongi’s ears “and yoongi isn’t even my type so i would never hoP on that dick”

that’s a blatant lie if yoongi hit on you at a club u would immediately drop to your knees

“stop talking about my android’s dick!!!!! whY did we even give him a dick in the first place!!!!”

“i had sO much fun moulding his dick out like lemme tell ya it’s just 7 inches of puRe girth-“

“STOP”

eventually everyone gets back to work and you’re entertaining yourself by spinning yourself around and around on a stool and also jimin gave you a pair of stethoscopes to play with and jin gave you a lollipop to suck on

(ur a literal child)

namjoon nods to himself because everything’s going according to plan

in fact yoongi is picking things up much faster than he thought

“emotional development is good.. heY look at that he’s already learned a couple new emotions!!!”

and you’re like ! dang he’s a fast learner what did he learn

you wheel over so that you’re right next to yoongi

“one of his new emotions are... irritation”

…..

THIS BITCH

you reach over and smack his cheek gently and ur like >:-) because he’s sleeping and he can’t feel you poking and prodding at him you can do whatever you want to take your frustrations out

“Could you be so kind as to release my face?” you jump when yoongi powers up out of nowhere and you’re just sitting there squishing his cheeks together

“why is your new emotion irritation?”

“Because i’ve been feeling it a lot as of late.”

“why?”

“I just have.”

“why?”

“…Because of a particular individual.”

“who?”

yoongi’s eye twitches and namjoon’s like lol because he can see the negative emotion bar rising higher and higher on the screen

“aLright alright cut it out y/n” jin scowls and pulls you away from yoongi before you have the opportunity to pull all the metal discs off his scalp

yoongi finds you absolutely infuriating

out of ALL the humans in the world he could’ve been assigned to

why did you have to be HIS human

you’re messy

lazy

irresponsible (he’s pretty sure you only have your job because you’re good friends w namjoon)

loud

manipulative

when he feels his hard drive overheating he tells himself to calm down

only a couple more months to go and then he can actually go and do something worth his time

like helping out at a hospital

working at a bank

maybe become like a teacher’s assistant or something

somEthing that helps society

helping a twenty something year old pick up her animal crackers off the floor is not a way to help society

“yoongi have you seen my reading glasses” yoongi’s in the middle of drying off the dishes when you pop into the kitchen “because i swear i left them in here but they’re not in here so then i thought they were in my bedroom but they’re not in my bedroom sO theN-“

“They’re on your head.”

“oh!!! ur right teehee”

yoongi grips onto the dish so hard it cracks a little

seven and a half more months

seven and a half

a month goes by and guess what

it’s that time again folks

you have to be an Adult and actually Socialize with your Adult Friends

you’re heading out with a couple of gal friends from your school days tonight

you know what though you’re just glad that you get a couple of hours away from yoongi

you’re kind of in a like-hate relationship with him

like you appreciate that he’s always there for you and he does a great job taking care of you and making sure you don’t spend too much time with your face in front a screen or overdose on animal crackers

but like

he’s alwAys hovering over you

like just now you were getting ready to do your makeup and yoongi was kind of just hanging out in the hallway pretending to dust the floors but you know it’s just because he doesn’t want you to accidentally stab your eyeball with your mascara wand again

it was pretty nasty cleaning black ink out of your eyeball  

also

side note

knowing that yoongi knows your exact location at any given moment is kind of creepy

and you kind of just wanna have a goOd time tonight okay

you look down at the bracelet around your wrist and watch the Y00NGI blink back at you

you consider smashing the damn thing to pieces because it is just made out of glass

you give it a test tap on the edge of the counter

clink

hm

your eyes widen when you see a teeny weeny little crack

huh

you raise your arm about to literally smash your wrist into the counter when suddenly

“Make sure to stay hydrated. Drink water after you consume alcohol of any kind.” yoongi appears behind you in the mirror and you quickly pull your arm back down and pretend like you’re just stretching out your limbs

“i know, yoongs. i’ve gone out partying before.”

“Who are you going out with?”

“a couple of girls i went to school with - you don’t know them” you purse your lips and apply a layer of lip gloss and yoongi watches you in the mirror

“I don’t know them?”

“of course you don’t know them you’ve never met them” you scoff

yoongi’s eyes turn into a shade of blue and if you look close enough you can see digits whizzing around in there

and suddenly

“Emma, Lauren, Hailey, Anna, and… Faith.”

your eyebrows furrow and you turn to face him

“how the hell did you-“

“Hailey seems to be a fan of partying. Be careful. Out of all of these girls the only one that is acceptable is Faith. I trust her. I have faith in her.”

jin must’ve snuck some kind of dad joke implant into yoongi because that was awful

yoongi turns and leaves the washroom and you’re like ????? how?????wat???? how did?????

about twenty minutes later you’re all dolled up and ready to go and you see yoongi rifling through your purse as you enter the living room

“i’ll take that, thank u very much” you snatch your purse from him and swing it over your shoulder before going to get your heels

“I was just making sure you have everything you need.”

“what do i need?”

“Tissues. Chapstick. A bottle of water. Your wallet. Your identification card. Your house keys.” he pauses for a second and then looks back at the tv “A pack of that godawful fruity, sugary gum you like so much.”

your heart warms a little that he packed your things for you anD he’s actually letting you have your juicy fruit gum

maybe you shouldn’t smash your bracelet into pieces

also jungkook did say it was expensive so there’s that

you slip into your heels and check to make sure you don’t have any lip gloss in your teeth in the mirror  

“What time should I expect your return?”

“when i come back” you respond simply and shut the door behind you and scurry over to the elevator as quickly as possible to avoid more of yoongi’s nagging

“Pushing the button aggressively like that will not make the elevator move any faster.” you groan quietly and turn around to see yoongi poking his head out of the front door at the end of the hall

the doors open and you shoot him a quick thumbs up before getting in

“Always carry your belongings with you. Do not accept drinks from strangers. Be aware of-“

when the doors close you’re like thANK god because your head could’ve exploded from yoongi’s irritating tips

he’s acting like you’ve never gone out a day in your life

sometimes you forget how rambunctious your girl-friends are

“i’m sorry you bought a whAt” you tilt your head in curiosity and hailey leans in a little more

you’ve been at the bar for like ten minutes and the conversation topic has already swerved into the ~sexual zone~

“i said i bouGHT A SEX BOT” everyone bursts into giggles and you’re like ohHH gotcha “i honestly don’t even need to hook up with anyone anymore because my bot totally does the job - thank god for technology. he’s better than all the boyfriends i’ve ever had - and he makes reALLY good pancakes in the morning”

“cheers for technology!!” emma raises her glass and everyone follows suit and clinks glasses

you didn’t even know sex bots were a thing

all the prostitutes in town must be fuming

“sex bot…” you trail off and now u can’t help but wonder if namjoon’s ever made a sex bot

…is yoongi supposed to be yOUR sex bot

“but like… u don’t think that’s kinda weird?? being in a relationship with a robot and all that” you purse your lips and everyone looks at you weirdly

“y/n - what’s wrong with you, girl? this is the 21st century! a robot-human relationship nowadays is totally normal” anna snorts and takes a sip of her drink

“ya but the relationship you’re talking about is purely a sexual relationship…. what about like,,, a real relationship” you purse your lips before reaching for the small bowl of peanuts in the middle

“i mean i don’t really see the problem with that tbh like date who you wanna date even if your significant other is made out of metal”

“hey, y/n! maybe if your little crush on jungkook doesn’t work out we can get a sex bot for you”

“i doN’t- i don’t want a sex bot, thanks” you laugh awkwardly and scratch the back of your neck

“why not!!!! it’s been like a trillion years since u got laid”

“i,,, i know but i’m not like actively seeKing to get laid i just�� i been busy u know how it be”

it’s true!! you’ve been super busy

sex hasn’t really been a priority

plus one night stands really aren’t ur thing

you can’t see yourself having sex with a stranger

it’s just so

intimate

“you have to get yourself out there!!!! otherwise your pussy’s going to dry up and shrivel up into nothing” you wince at the crude language spilling out of emma’s mouth and ur like u know what i think my… i think my pee-pee is doing just fine

“seriously tho!!! c’mon you should live a little~! let’s find a cutie for you tonight to take home” lauren grins and looks over at the bar “how about the bartender?? he was totally checking out ur boobs when we were over there”

“you guys i- no, i’m really not…”

it’s pretty obvious you’re kind of uncomfortable by the way you’ve shrunken into yourself and started gnawing on your bottom lip

“hey hey hEy okay maybe not!” faith slaps lauren’s arm and she scowls in pain “let’s just have a girls night, hm? let’s just get wASted and not think about stupid boys for once!!! the guys here aren’t even thAT hot - second round of drinks are on me!” she waves a server over and hailey automatically orders a round of shots for the table

“thanks for that” you murmur quietly and nudge faith’s side after the conversation changes from you getting laid to lauren and hER desire for a sex bot too

“don’t mention it” she hums and reaches over to pinch your cheek

so

turns out these drinks are actually preTty strong and everyone’s tolerance for alcohol is preTty low

an hour later

everyone is a hot fuckign mess

“lizten listen listen n to me faithy honey taehyUng is totally into you but hshhshhhh dont’ tell him don’t tell him he’ll kill me if i tell you” you slur and slap a hand over faith’s mouth when you see her face light up with excitement

“omg reALLy because i’m super into him too he’s sO attractive” she squeals excitedly “but like did he teLL you that he was into me because it totally doesn’t count if it’s just a rumour”

“oh NO it’s like it’s like for sure real like i went into his office and he was fully jacking off to your instagram pictures” you hiccup and in the back of ur mind u know you’ve exposed a little too much but it’s too late now

and faith doesn’t exactly seem to mind learning that tidbit of information

“…..i’M GONNA SEND HIM A NUDE”

“nO” you snatch faith’s phone and put it on the other side of the table

“how do you make such hot friends?? i want hot boy-friends!!!!” nicole whines and downs the rest of her drink

“maybe weEEEE should all apply for jobs at bangtan laboratories”

“dibs on jin and his broad shoulders!!!!!”

“well if you take jin i’m taking jiMIN”

“i wANT JIMIN,, anD junGKOOK”

“i want jungkook’s kOOk”  

“i wanna get all up in namjoon’s dimplez he’s so cute ”

“well i want namjoon to get all up in MY GUTS”

“i’m taking hoseok!!!!!!”

“i will FIGHT YOU FOR HIM”

“I WANT THEM ALL”

another hour goes by…

[jeopardy theme song plays in the background]

“lOOK look it’s like fused to me and jungkook is the only one with the key” you raise your wrist so everyone can see your Y00NGI bracelet

“so like…….. you got a robot helper at home”

“ya”

“and he knows where u are all the time and ur temperature and ur heart rate and all that”

“ya”

“yoU shouldn’t- youshoulnd’t let these MEN control you like thiz” faith hiccups and you nod quickly in agreement

she grabs your wrist and flails it around “this bracelet don’t even gO with any outfits it’s so stupid”

“i don’t even- i should just smash it into smithereens” you slur and rest your head on her shoulder

all of you exchange looks and then everyone’s looking at the glass bracelet on your wrist

there is that little crack in it from when you tried smashing it earlier

“smash it” anna whispers

and then it starts

the satanic chanting

“smash it, smash it, smash it, smASH IT SMASH IT SMACHI T SMASHCIT SMASCHITSMACIHT” everyone’s slamming their glasses down on the table rhythmically

with all the energy in the atmosphere and the mojitos coursing through your veins you find yourself raising your arm and suddenly

huLK smASH

you grin when you raise your wrist and shake off the shattered shards of glass and everyone whoops and clinks glasses again

wow

giRL POWER

meanwhile

yoongi perks up immediately and blinks twice

it feels like a wire short-circuited inside of him somewhere

hm

it’s about 2:57 now

it’s very very late

now would be a good time to check up on you

he checked on you about an hour ago

you seemed fine but he could sense a loT of alcohol flowing through your veins

hopefully you’re hydrating yourself with water and not just mojitos

okay time to check up on u

…

…

…

nothing

okay

no need to panic

maybe the bracelet glitched or something

he can track you via your phone

…

…

…

there’s no signal

your phone must be out of fuckign battery agAIN

you never charge it!!!! why!!!!

okay great

what’s the plan

he jumps when his phone suddenly starts ringing and he notices it’s FaceTime call request from an unknown number

he lets out a sigh of relief when your pixelated face suddenly appears on the screen

“yoongi!!!!!!”

“Y/N? Whose phone are you-“

“my phone is outta battery and also i broke my bracelet because you mEN can’t control me”

he hears a lot of giggling in the background

“What? Control you? The purpose of your bracelet is so that I can check up on- Oh my god.” you raise your wrist in triumph to reveal a couple loose wires wrapped around it and yoongi’s like o…..o no “Namjoon is going to kill you.”

you hiccup and lean against anna’s shoulder

“i gotta pee”

“Are you on your way back now?”

“are you on your way back now?”

“I’m serious, Y/N. It’s almost 3 in the morning.”

“i’m seriouz y/n i’s almost threeeee in the morning”

yoongi lets out a sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose

you’re a mess and you’re in no state to come home by yourself so late into the night

“I’m coming to pick you up.”

“u don’t know where i AM”

“I always know where you are. Stay put. And go pee.”

yoongi fishes your car keys out of the side drawer and tucks his phone into his back pocket

…

…

…

DRIVING 101 MANUAL: DOWNLOAD COMPLETE

okay cool now he knows how to drive

“you’re right he IS cute” anna gasps after yoongi hangs up on you

“right??? if hE hit on me tonight i would totally go home with him” you grin and hand hailey back her phone

“his lips are real pretty”

“his hair looks so soft”

“and that voice??? sO sexy are you kidding me???”

“i wish someone would take care of me like yoongi takes care of y/n :’((”

“you guys stop talking about y/n’s manz like that!!!”

“he is not- he is most definitely noT my mans” you laugh and shake your head

okay well like

he kinda is your mans

but he’s not at the same time

you felt a twinge of jealousy after all ur friends started gushing about how cute yoongi is

ahem

“how about one last round of shOTs before yoongi the party pooper comes n gets me!!!!” you change the subject and everyone bursts into cheers

one last round of shots turn into three last rounds of shots so

everyone’s stumbling in their heels when you guys finally leave the bar

lauren has an arm wrapped around your waist keeping you stable because your alcohol tolerance is the lowest out of everyone’s

and then you see a familiar looking bot heading towards you

“yOONGs my prince in scarily realistic silicone skin!!!!!!!!” you practically throw yourself at yoongi when you see him and immediately press wet kisses to his cheek

he’s not surprised that you’re an affectionate drunk

“Alright, alright. Where’s your purse?” you’re like aLL over yoongi and his eyes are going crazy trying to keep track of you

“i dunNo i want a piggyback ride” thank god yoongi was programmed to have superhuman reflexes because if he didn’t then you definitely would have fallen flat on your butt

yoongi sighs before reaching back to clasp under your knees and he accidentally gropes your butt before his hands quickly slip back under your knees and you can’t help but giggle

“buy me dinner before u touch me there u naughty boy”

“Where’s your p-“

“y/n, don’t forget your- oh!!! oh!!! you must be yoOngi!!!!” yoongi’s suddenly overwhelmed when a group of tipsy girls approach him

he does a quick scan of each of their faces and recognises them as your friends

“Yes, I’m Y00NGI. M1N Y00NGI, Y/N’s personal human mind model adaptive super android.” he likes to keep it professional when meeting new people

“well, min yoongi. here’s y/n’s purse.” yoongi expects you to reach out and take it yourself under he realises you’ve fallen asleep and you’re definitely drooling on his shoulder “sorry about y/n - we let her get a little crazy tonight.”

“yoU’re just as hot as y/n said you were!!!!” yoongi blushes immediately and diverts his gaze before letting out a small chuckle

he’s definitely going to use that against you when you sober up tho lmao

he turns his head and his nose nudges into your cheek making you stir before you’re nuzzling your nose into his neck obviously seeking warmth

“Should I call you ladies a cab?”

“oh, and he’s a gentleman too. i need me one of these yoongi’s.”

“we’re fine, thank you. we already called for an uber. thank you for taking care of y/n for us. we were kind of worried about her after her breakup with kihyun, but it’s nice to see that she’s in good hands.” lauren smiles and places a hand on yoongi’s shoulder

yoongi nods and offers her a smile

“It was nice meeting all of you. Have a safe trip home.”  

“Y/N, wake up…” yoongi gently grasps your arm and shakes you a little

you let out a soft sigh and your nose wrinkles and yoongi’s like o,,,,oh my….. how cute,,,… wait waT is wrong w mE omg

“C’mon, we gotta get you out of your dress and brush your teeth and all that.”

you whine and shake your head before settling even further into the front seat

yoongi sighs and shoves the car keys into his back pocket before bending down and scooping you up in his arms

you immediately melt against his chest as he wraps one of your arms around his neck

yoongi winces when he accidentally knocks your head against the frame of your bedroom door

“You better not have a random leg spasm otherwise you’ll take out one of my eyes.” yoongi mutters and takes your heels off before setting them aside

somehow he manages to change (peel) you out of your dress and he wipes your makeup off aND he brushes your teeth anD he puts on your moisturiser without you waking up

you truly are a deep sleeper

he tucks you into bed and he’s about to leave the room when suddenly you’re reaching out and gripping onto his wrist

“Out of all the moments to wake up, you wake up now?” yoongi teases and bends down next to you

“stay with me” you pout and tug on his wrist and yoongi feels his fake heart go boom boom

he brushes some of your hair out of your face and lets out a sigh “I have to charge up.”

“my app told me u were at 76% when i last checked” you pat the empty side of the bed “stay with me”

somehow yoongi finds himself settling into bed next to you and he kinda just lies there like a statue

“u have to get under the blankets fool” yoongi sighs and tucks himself under the blankets

and he’s 110% sure you’re still a little tipsy because the next thing he knows you’re snuggling up to him

“you’re warm”

“Thanks. It’s my generator.” he clears his throat and shifts to get a little more comfortable  

you don’t respond and he assumes you’ve already fallen asleep

“thanks for taking care of me all the time”

yoongi lies awake the entire night feeling a little warmer than usual

“okay, we re-modified your bracelet. now, instead of glass, we used a basically indestructible metal. we should’ve gone with the metal in the first place because this particular type is a pretty good conductor which means faster connections and-“

“but this one’s ugly the glass one was prettier” you interrupt namjoon and scrunch your nose at the chunky metal bracelet around your wrist

“…well you should’ve thought about that before smashing it into pieces”

“my friends are very convincing” you mutter sheepishly and twist the bracelet around your wrist before tracing your fingers over the engraved Y00NGI

jungkook comes over and takes your wrist to look at the bracelet and you can’t help but feel your heart go boom boom a littLe because he’s standing so close to you right now omg

you’re swinging your legs back and forth and you have your bottom lip tucked in between your teeth as you watch jungkook fiddle with the bracelet

yoongi glances at you and furrows his brows a little

he’s already synced up to your bracelet so he should be able to…

yEp

your endorphins are shooting through the roof right now

yoongi feels an unfamiliar emotion bubbling inside of him

oh

it’s jealousy

“The bracelet’s already synced up to me. I don’t think you need to look at it anymore.” yoongi steps in between you and kook and he tilts his head at jungkook and jungkook’s like ohHO okay well i’m just doing my job

“kook get over here and help me with these damn triplex wires” jin calls jungkook over and he excuses himself but looks at yoongi a little weirdly

“what was that?? we were totally vibing”

“If by ‘vibing’, you mean you drooling over Jungkook while he fiddled with your bracelet - then yes, you were totally vibing.”

you scoff and look at yoongi before leaning back a little and crossing your arms

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“are you jealous of jungkook?”

yoongi trips over his words and he refuses to look you in the eye

“That’s ridiculous. Why would I ever be jealous of Jungkook? What is there to be jealous of?”

“you know… you’re the only human mind model adaptive super android for me, right?” you coo and reach up to pinch yoongi’s cheek and then he’s growling and swatting your hand away

you find yourself finally warming up to yoongi as time passes

you start enjoying his company instead of dreading it

and he feels the same way

:~)

maybe the next couple of months won’t be too bad after all

you’re in the middle of cataloguing some new books that just came in when suddenly you feel someone hovering over you

“hi can i help you find som-“ you look up and stop talking when you see /??? yoongi?? behind the counter

“what the- how did you- how are you here right now??” you furrow your brows in confusion and yoongi plops a little bento box on the countertop

“Public transportation. Eat. You’re hungry.”

“i’m not-“ your stomach growls right on cue and yoongi gives you a pointed look before opening up the bento box

“Pork and vegetable dumplings, and pan-fried chive pancakes. The dipping sauce is here. I added some sesame oil, soy sauce, and sriracha to the vinegar because you seem to like that combination. Animal crackers for later. Later. And a juice box. The flavour is organic apple and grape.” your stomach growls again at the sight of this goOD food and you swear you almost start drooling

“aw yoongs you didn’t have to make all of this for me…” yoongi hands you a pair of chopsticks

“Yes, I did. Otherwise, you’d be having a chocolate bar and a can of coke for lunch. I’ll go home now.” yoongi turns to leave and before you know it you quickly lean over the countertop and grab his arm

yoongi stops and looks down at your hand gripping his arm before looking back up at you

“wAit maybe you,,, you can stay here? with me? i’m all alone here and i’m sure there’s not a lot to do at home besides cook and clean and all that.” you clear your throat when yoongi tilts his head and blinks owlishly at you “or,,, not…”

“No. I’ll stay. And then we can go home together.”

home

usually he says ‘your place’ or something like that like from that night you broke your bracelet

but he just said ‘home’

“C’mon, eat up. I didn’t slave over the stove for nothing.” yoongi joins you behind the desk and immediately picks up the thickEst book from the pile that you were reorganising before he got there “History of Korea…”

you shove a dumpling into your mouth and your eyes roll to the back of your head because goddAmn this is good

you are fully having a foodgasm right now

just when you’re about to shove a second dumpling into your mouth you jump when you hear the sound of a book slapping shut

“Well, that was interesting. What other books can I read?”

wat

you turn to look at yoongi and he’s rifling through the other books on your desk

“wait- you- did you finish reading that already???” there are question marks floating above your head because you aRE conFuSIoN

yoongi responds with a hum and picks up a second book

this one’s the history of russia

“I think I’ll read all the history books today.”

“all of- yoongi there are like 1000 or moRe history books in this library i doubt you’ll be able to read them all” you snort and dip your dumpling in some sauce

about twenty minutes later your stomach is full of dumplings and chive pancakes and you couldn’t be happier

you’re leaning back against your chair and patting your stomach happily and yoongi’s having a good time sitting next to you with his nose in a book

“So how many books have you read in the last twenty minutes? 500?” you snort while packing up the box and putting everything back into the lunch bag

“Nah, I’m still on book 496.” yoongi sighs and shuts the book “I’m not fully charged and it’s messing with my speed.”

“I believe that’s 10 points to me, and 0 to you.” yoongi smirks when another paper ball lands right into the bin and you groan in frustration

you finished cataloguing the books faster than you thought and that’s how you ended up having a paper ball throwing competition with yoongi

it was his suggestion surprisingly

but now you know he only suggested it because he would win the competition

you probably should’ve taken into account that he can calculate the perfect angle and the perfect speed at which to throw the ball at

“this is a dumb game”

“No, it’s not. Throw your ball into the waste bin.”

yoongi scowls when you throw your ball at his head and in retaliation he leaps over and immediately begins to dig his fingers into your sides

“yOONGI stop!!!!!” there are tears in your eyes from how hard you’re laughing and you crumple to the floor in defeat bringing yoongi down with you

yoongi laughs but eventually shows some mercy and stops tickling you

and now the two of you are realising that he is very much on top of you

you’re both kind of panting and your cheeks flush a little when he tilts his head and smirks

“you’re mean”

“I’ve been told.”

“Give me the keys, I’ll drive.”

“it’s my car i’m driving”

“You drive like a maniac. Keys.” arguing with yoongi never ends well for you so you grumble before plopping your keys into his open palm

you hear the beep beep of your car unlocking and yoongi opens your door for you

“ah, thank you, kind sir” you get in and toss your purse into the back before reaching down to take your shoes off

“Seatbelt… m’lady.” yoongi slams his door shut and you buckle your seatbelt and lean against the window

“Where are we going now?”

“We’re heading back home, obviously.”

there it is again

‘home’

his eyes flicker up to where you’re flipping and unflipping the sun-visors

“Stop doing that.” he reaches up and slams it shut and you pout then lean back against the seat again

yoongi thinks you might actually have the mentality of a six year old child

“Wha- What is this?” after putting your shoes away and hanging your coat up yoongi walks into the living room and sees you sprawled out on the couch with your eyes glued to the screen watching some duMb brain-melting cartoon show

“spongebob squarepants reruns.” you answer simply and shift your position until you’re upside down lying flat on your back with your legs hanging off the top of the couch

your face is turning red from all the blood going right to your head

ur an idiot

“You are not watching this. You should watch something more educational.”

“i’ve been out of school for like two years i don’t- hEeeeEy” you start whining immediately when yoongi grabs the remote and switches it to the national geographic channel

omG all these documentaries are so boring

“Here, this one. It’s called… Beneath the Water.” he pauses and you recognise his thinking face

his thinking face is when he blanks out and like downloads a shit ton of information into his database  

“Beneath the Water is a mini documentary-series focusing on the history of mythological, underwater creatures. Tonight’s episode is about mermai-“

“mermaids??? jesus yoongi how old do u think i am”

“You were just watching Spongebob Squarepants.”

you grumble out a ‘touché’ and switch positions so you’re actually sitting on the couch

“I’ll go and make dinner.” you watch yoongi disappear into the kitchen and you immediately reach for the remote

“Don’t even try!”

oh my GoD

yoongi’s like a babysitter from hell

“…i hate documentaries” you mutter to yourself but you don’t seem to have a choice so you lean back and make yourself comfortable

spongebob squarepants scene transition ~wun hour latier~

yoongi has to remind you to chew your food because your attention is fully on the documentary right now

he has his elbow propped up on the arm of the couch and he’s just watching you sitting cross-legged behind the coffee table with your stir-fried vegetables and fried (brown) rice ((because it’s healthier and has less sugar))

he smiles to himself when he sees you try to feed yourself while keeping your eyes on the screen

a carrot chunk falls off your chopsticks but you stick the chopsticks in your mouth anyway and you??? start chewing??? yoongi’s staring at you and he’s like there’s nothing in your moUTH

“Maybe you can continue watching the documentary after you finish your dinner.” you literally growl at yoongi when he reaches for the remote and he raises his hands in defence immediately

“Your rice is getting cold. Eat up.” yoongi sighs when you shove like three grains of rice into your mouth and the rest of it spills onto the table 

“Okay, I didn’t think it would have to come to this.”

yoongi gets off the couch and squeezes in next to you and pulls your plate and your bowl towards him

“what are you doing??” you whine because your food is being snaTCHED

“I’m feeding you because you’re incapable of feeding yourself. The sun’s going to come up by the time you finish your meal and you need to be in bed in an hour and a half. You haven’t showered yet, either. Open.” yoongi holds up a hearty spoonful of rice and you’re hesitant at first because now you really feel like a baby and you feel kinda silly but then he’s nudging it against your lips and you open your mouth automatically

and of course your head turns right back to the screen while you eat happily

…actually you could probably get used to this lol

you are now realising how lazy you are

hm

one month later

it’s a lazy friday night and you and yoongi are in the middle of a documentary marathon but of course you got distracted and started talking about something else

you two were actually supposed to go out tonight (there’s this adorable ice cream parlour you’ve been begging yoongi to go to) but then yoongi predicted that it was going to rain because apparently ‘Humidity levels are at 75% right now.’

“so the vine goes ‘road work ahead? yeah, i sure hope it does’!” you burst into laughter and when you calm down yoongi’s staring at you like you’re crazy “don’t you get it? because the sign said that the road works ahead and-“

“Yep. I get it. I just don’t get it, you know? Is this what humans find humorous?”

“well ya i guess so”

“Oh. What a sad, sad world we live in.”

okay so yoongi obviously isn’t a fan of vine humour

maybe you can find something else to talk about

“did namjoon make like a girl version of you?? maybe he’s making a lil girlfriend for you back at the lab” you wink and nudge his side playfully

“I did overhear a conversation between Namjoon and Seokjin about creating a female version of me. M1N Y00NJI will be her name, I believe.”

“oh. so she’s not a girlfriend, she’s like… she’s like your sister”

“Yes. And incest is highly inappropriate.”

“and super gross.”

“And super gross.” yoongi nods in agreement

there’s a moment of silence and the two of you stare at the documentary playing on the screen until yoongi breaks the silence

“Do you have a significant other?”

“me? oh god, no. i mean, like, i used to, but then-“

“It’s okay. I know all about him. You don’t have to explain.” yoongi hands you the bowl of popcorn when you reach out and make grabby hands at it

another moment of silence goes by

“Do you have feelings for Jungkook?”

now thAt gets your attention

you clear your throat and turn to face yoongi before pursing your lips

you were pretty sure you still had a teeny weeny crush on jungkook but you’re 100% confident that it’s not as intense as it used to be

like sure sometimes you still fantasise about kissing jungkook and holding his hand and all that gooey stuff but like

most of the time you’re with yoongi and in the couple of months that you’ve gotten to know him you realise how thoughtful and sweet and caring he is underneath his cold demeanour

and you had a fleeting thought that maybe your romantic feelings for jungkook had transferred over to yoongi but

well that would be silly

after all

yoongi’s not even human

“i… i mean, kind of? but i know he’d never go for someone like me, so I-“

“Why not?” yoongi keeps staring ahead “You’re very nice. You’re funny. You’re thoughtful. You’re kind. And you always share your snacks with other people even though I know you would much rather hog your crackers and juice to yourself.”

you laugh a little at that and then shrug your shoulders

“i dunno. if he was interested in me then he would’ve made a move but…” you continue rambling and yoongi drowns you out a little

yoongi is in a little bit of a sticky situation

last week he kind of developed a new emotion and he’s not exactly sure what it is

it’s a positive emotion for sure

and for some reason he only feels it when he’s around you

but he knows that it isn’t right

he shouldn’t be feeling like this with you

it’s not appropriate and it’s not fair to you if he suddenly told you that he felt a certain way about you

as disappointing as it is at the end of the day he is just… an android

“You should tell him that you like him. You only live once, you know.” yoongi suddenly cuts you off and he swallows thickly

he already regrets telling you that

“He’s working late at the lab tonight. Maybe you can bring him a drink. You still have the 6-pack of banana milk that you were saving for when he comes over.”

yep

he’s definitely regretting this

he turns to look at you and he can see the gears clicking in your head

he’s not just doing this for you

he’s doing this for himself

seeing you with someone else will help him control this new emotion

so this is a good plan

yep

“i don’t… i don’t know, yoongs. i don’t think it’s a good idea.” you scratch the back of your neck and jump when yoongi turns off the tv suddenly

“Y/N, you have to do this. You like him.”

yoongi is right

you do… like jungkook

…don’t you?

when yoongi shuts the door after you leave he lets out a small breath and ignores the new feeling growing in his chest

he feels a pang of pain within him

but this is good

he can’t be with you and that’s just the way things are

you don’t think you’ve ever run so quickly in your entire life but there you are practically sprinting to the labs in the middle of a fuckign thunderstorm (it was fine the first two minutes and then suddenly there was a rumble and it starting raining cats and dogs) because you’re about to confess your feelings of ~romance~ to jungkook

your heart tingles a little at the thought of jungkook’s smile

and the sound of his laugh

it’s kind of hard to see with the rain pouring down on you and your hair in your eyes but you manage to find your employee card in your wallet

“c’mon, don’t let me down now” you swipe your employee card in the access bar and it blinks from red to green and you hear the kachunk of the front doors unlocking

your shoes squeak down the hallway as you run towards the direction of the genius lab

you slow down as you approach the two white doors and you let out a shaky breath

you can hear jungkook talking to someone and you automatically assume he’s on the phone with taehyung or someone else

this is going to be great

you’re gonna be fine

you have high hopes!!!!

you give yourself a mini pep-talk before nodding confidently and striding towards the white doors

there are little circle-shaped windows on the door and as you walk closer you start to see the top of jungkook’s cute lil head

and just as you’re about to push open the doors

you see it

jungkook and ji-eun

they’re laughing at something but you don’t know what

the smile slowly fades from your face and you feel your heart drop to your stomach

all you notice is her hand on his thigh and the way they’re leaning into each other as they giggle

jungkook’s cheeks are flushed and so are ji-eun’s and he stares at her like…

like he loves her

he’s never looked at you like that before

and suddenly ji-eun’s leaning in and planting her lips against jungkook’s

and for some reason

nothing

you feel nothing

well

that’s a lie

you feel a little twinge of heartbreak because you’ve been crushing on jungkook for so long and he’s woW they are definitely making out right now

as you head back the only boy on your mind is yoongi

because yoongi’s always there for you at the end of the day no matter what

on the trek back home you’re suddenly hit with the depressing thought of ���well, it happened again. you thought someone liked you and it turns out that they liked someone else aka you got rejected for the millionth time in your life’

that kind of dampens your mood and suddenly

you’re just… really, really sad

why does this always happen to you?

you get your hopes up only to have them shot down at the end

and each time you think something different will happen but you always get the same result

damn

“Hey! How did it g- Woah.” yoongi shoots up from the couch when he hears the front door open and the familiar sound of you kicking your shoes off and tossing your keys on the table

you’re soaking wet from the rain and you’re still clutching the six pack of banana milk to your chest

and usually you greet yoongi when you get home but you’re just silently peeling your jacket off and running a hand through your tangled hair

that can only mean

oh

yoongi knows you more than anything else in the world so he knows that the last thing you want is to talk about what just happened

so he acts natural

“You’re going to catch a cold if you keep standing around like that. Come - I’ll draw a bath for you.” he picks up your wet jacket before grasping your wrist and leading you towards the bathroom

“with bubbles?” you murmur quietly and if yoongi had a heart it would clench right now because he’s never seen you look so defeated before

“With all the bubbles in the entire world.”

yoongi dips his hand into the water to test the temperature before pulling it out and shaking some bubbles off

“Alright, I think we’re good to go.” he gets up off his knees before wiping his hands off on his shirt

you toss the dirty makeup wipe in the bin before reaching down to undo the knot of your robe and yoongi’s like okAy i guess that’s my cue to leave

“I’ll be in the living room. We… we can have ice cream after your bath if you want.”

“strawberry cheesecake?”

“Mhm. Don’t stay in for too long or you’ll become wrinkly.” yoongi shuts the door behind him and heads towards the living room

his goal tonight is to cheer you up from this damn jungkook fiasco

he hates to see you upset

you don’t deserve to have your heart broken

you’re a sweet girl and you’re funny and kind and adorable and yoongi… yoongi really, really has taken a liking to you

he doesn’t know when it happened

but one day when you were telling him about your day he kinda just had a weird feeling

he noticed that he was paying more attention to the way your lips would curl around certain words and the way your nose would crinkle slightly whenever you laugh

it’s been almost six months since he first met you

you with your (still) mismatched socks and your greasy pizza

he shakes his head and hurries to get the living room ready and comfortable for you for after your bath

things are different now.

“you forgot to get my PJs for me so i just grabbed your hoodie out of the hamper” yoongi jumps when he hears your voice from behind him

he turns around and it takes everything within him not to explode from all the uwus right now

your cheeks are rosy and your hair is a lil damp but you look so cute wearing his hoodie and a pair of mismatched fuzzy socks

“Come sit. I have ice cream and a whole line-up of your favourite romantic comedies we can watch.”

“you really know the way to my heart” you sigh happily and plop down next to yoongi and he’s fully aware that he’s overheating a little bit right now

his face is sO hot

about half an hour passes and yoongi figures he’d give it a go

it is good to get your feelings out after all

“So… you gonna tell me what happened?”

“in the movie? haven’t you been paying attention?”

“Not in the movie, dummy. With… Jungkook?”

there’s a moment of silence and you slowly set the tub of ice cream down before clearing your throat

yoongi lowers the volume of the tv

“yeah, i don’t know.. it was stupid of me to think that jungkook would be interested in me so…i dunno i’m not that bummed out about it for some reason??” you scratch the back of your neck and lean back against the couch

there’s another moment of silence before yoongi speaks up

“You should be with someone more compatible with you.” you don’t know if it’s just the light playing tricks on your eyes but you swear you see yoongi’s cheeks heat up a little “According to your common interests, personality type, and even astrological signs - you and Jungkook are a mere 36% romantically compatible.”

“that makes sense….. out of all the boys who’s the most compatible with me? just curious” you lean back against the couch and you can’t help but smile when you see yoongi and his concentration face

he definitely picked it up from you because your eyebrows scrunch together and your lips purse slightly and he’s doing exactly that

“You and Namjoon: 62%. You and Seokjin: 51%. You and Hoseok: 28%. You and Jimin: 72%. You and Taehyung: 69%.” yoongi pauses and he looks like he wants to say something “…Youandme:98%.”

“you know i really thought that joon and i would be more compatible considering we’ve known each other since- wait what”

did he just

you and him??????? are 98% compatible???????/?

the two of you are kind of just staring at each other and for the first time yoongi’s the one who averts his gaze and he reaches up to scratch the back of his neck

woW he really did pick up your habits no wonder you guys are compatible

you like yoongi but he’s a robot and you’re a human and sure in today’s society it’s pretty normal for humans to seek comfort and companionship in an android but you never thought you’d be one of them

like you always saw yourself being with another human that was why you pined after jungkook so much but

what you needed was right in front of you this whole time

and yes you have to admit that at some point in time your feelings for yoongi shifted from platonic to romantic but you thought you were just getting attached because of the lack of romance in your life

and yes you’ve gotten used to yoongi waking you up every morning and sending you off with a cup of coffee and then when you get home he’s always there with dinner and he’s always down to cuddle

and you remember how roboT-y and coldhearted he was eight months ago but he’s a completely different android now

he’s a big softie and he’s sweet and kind and funny and charming

oh god

you like yoongi

but

he’s not even

he’s not even a person he’s a robot

“I’m sorry. That was inappropriate of me. I’m sensing discomfort from you. Please forget I said anything. I must head back and recharge. My battery is low.” yoongi quickly gets up from the couch and before you can say anything he’s dashing off to his room and you can hear him shut the door quietly

you check his app on your phone

his battery is at 72% only

that night you find yourself standing outside of yoongi’s room with your fist raised to the door

you can’t bring yourself to knock because what the heck are you going to say????

you decide that the best thing to do for now is just leave yoongi alone

it’ll be good for the both of you to have a little alone time

let you think things out and all that

yeah

you nod to yourself and head to your bedroom before shutting the door behind you

you’ll see yoongi tomorrow

you wake up by yourself the next morning

your body’s used to waking up early now which is good but a part of you wanted to wake up to see yoongi pushing open your curtains or even getting your clothes ready for you

you make a cup of coffee for yourself and spend about twenty minutes watching some tv and sipping quietly on your coffee

you’re hoping the fact that you’re watching cartoons will lure yoongi out of his room but

nothing

“yoongi? i’m leaving for work now. i’ll see you later?” you’re standing in front of yoongi’s room with your hand on the door handle

you get silence in response

“yoongs?” you push down the door handle and your brows furrow in confusion when you realise the door’s been locked

your heart clenches a little

he’s never locked the door before

he doesn’t even want to talk to you

and you don’t want to bother him and make it worse

fuck

your phone buzzes and you pull it out to see that you have to leave now if you want to be on time

okay

maybe you’ll see him when you come back??

“morning, y/n!” you nearly drop the stack of books in your arms when jungkook appears out of nowhere

“oh, hey kook” you muster a smile and set the books down carefully

“i brought you a coffee and a muffin” he puts it down on the countertop before shooting you a signature smile

and for some reason your heart doesn’t flutter in the same way it usually does because all you can think about it yoongi

“thanks, kook.” you sigh and plop down on your chair “what’s up?”

“you’re a girl, right?”

ouch

you look down at your boobs

“last time i checked, yes”

he blushes and immediately chuckles before scratching the back of his neck

“i-i mean, like, you’re a girl, so you would know what girls like”

“uh-huh”

“since you’re a girl-“

“as you’ve established multiple times”

“where would you want to go? on like, a first date kinda scenario”

huh

this must be for ji-eun

“i’m pretty basic, so a dinner and a movie would suffice! even like a netflix binge at home would make me happy. yoongi and i have been binge watching these nature documentaries and he doesn’t usually want me eating on the couch because one time i accidentally got spaghetti all over the pillows and-“ you immediately cut yourself off and the smile kinda fades from your face

you miss yoongi so much

“um, yeah - dinner and a movie.” you clear your throat and shrug

“you okay?” jungkook furrows his brows and looks at you in a concerned manner

“ya! yeah, i’m fine. sorry, i just… went off on a tangent there.” you laugh nervously

maybe you should tell jungkook about yoongi

but then he’d ask you what happened and you don’t want to have to explain the whole thing to him

it’ll be fine you’ll figure something out

“you should probably head back. thank you for the coffee and the muffin!!”

the rest of the day kind of drags on slowly

you find yourself looking at the clock very frequently waiting for it to hit 5:30 so you can leave and go home and hopefully see yoongi

but you don’t see him when you get back

and you don’t see him the next day

or the next day

or the next day

your concern grows as the days go by

yoongi literally hasn’t come out of his room in days

you decided you’d leave him alone mainly because you didn’t know how to approach the situation yourself

you knocked on his door a couple times to remind him to charge up but each time you were just met with silence

another three days go by and yoongi still hasn’t come out of his room

you’ve been doing everything to try and get him to come out

you turned on all the stoves

you left all the lights on

you even left the door unlocked one night which was terrifying because anyone could just walk in

you also accidentally sliced your finger when you were making a sandwich one afternoon and you were bleeding all over the place but yoongi didn’t rush out with a first aid kit like he usually does

you check your Y00NGI app on your phone everyday and everyday it says he’s 100% charged so at least you don’t have to worry about that

but tonight

something just doesn’t feel right

you’re not exactly sure what it is

you can barely focus on the nature documentary playing on the TV

you twist your bracelet around your wrist and you’re like okay that’s it i gotta check on yoongi

you open all the kitchen drawers and finALLy find the key to yoongi’s room

“yoongi? i’m coming in,” you sigh and shove the key into the hole before twisting and-

holy shit

“yoongi!” you gasp and immediately scramble over and fall to your knees

yoongi’s on the ground and he’s completely pale

you can see all the lines and wires and digits lighting up under his skin

you grasp his face and see that his iris’ and pupils are milky  

“oh god oh god oh god oh god” you manage to yank the power chord down from his pod and you shove it into the nape of his neck and your phone automatically syncs up with the pod

N O   S I G N A L

“what?? no signal??” you unplug it and shove it into yoongi’s neck again and still you’re met with the blinking red  N O   S I G N A L

“no no nonononono yoongi please c’mon” you grab his shoulders and shake him hard but he remains… lifeless “oh god, fuCk”

quickly, you dial namjoon’s number and the next thing you know you feel a lump growing in your throat and your eyes are starting to well up with tears

“hello?”

“namjoon, help, i- i don’t know what happened- yoongi, he- i just came in and-“ you’re stuttering all over the place and namjoon has no idea what’s happening

“y/n, slow down - what’s wrong?”

“i-i don’t know! i don’t know what’s wrong with him, i should’ve checked on him earlier but - oh god, namjoon, something’s wrong with yoongi h-his eyes are all milky and-”

“what? y/n - bring him to the lab, okay? we’ll meet you there and see what we can do”

“o-okay”

“it’s going to be fine, yoongi’s going to be fine. hurry, okay?”

“yeah, okay” you hang up and tuck your phone into your pocket and you give yourself a second to calm down

it’ll be fine

yoongi’s going to be fine

“c’mon, yoongi” you grunt and you end up basically dragging yoongi down the hallway and out the door

how the hell did this even happen?

how did he make it seem like he was 100% charged and his vitals were good???

this is literally all your fault

you should’ve said something the night he told you that you two were the most romantically compatible

you should’ve told him you felt the same way but nO you were too scared of what other people might think of you being in a relationship with a damn robot

being in a relationship with an android is sO normal nowadays

what were you thinking?? you should’ve said something to him instead of letting him lock himself up in his room

you look at the front mirror and see yoongi just slouching over in the back and his head his bobbing up and down

you quickly wipe your tears as you speed down the highway

the last thing you need is to get into a car crash so you can’t be sobbing and driving at the same time

when you get to the lab you’re relieved to see all of the boys waiting outside with a gurney

you practically stumble out of the car and the boys are quick to get yoongi out

“on the count of three - one, two, three-!” jungkook and jin lift yoongi’s limp body onto the gurney and goD knowing that yoongi’s in this state makes you want to cry even more

hoseok immediately plugs a power line into yoongi’s neck

yoongi’s veins all light up momentarily before disappearing and he seizes up

“what happened??” namjoon gives you a quick hug before pulling away to look at you with worry

“i.. i don’t know - it’s my fault, he said something to me and i- i should’ve said something back but i didn’t and-“

namjoon rushes over and shines a flashlight into yoongi’s eyes

“his pupils aren’t responding” hoseok mutters and namjoon nods in acknowledgement “what the hell happened?”

“he overcharged himself. his wires are fried.” namjoon murmurs in response and turns yoongi’s head to inspect his charging port “y/n, how long did he lock himself up for?”

“i don’t know, it must’ve been like… like 10 days?” namjoon curses to himself

an android overcharging itself almost never happens

unless yoongi did it on purpose

“okay. let’s get him into the lab and see what we can do.”

you grip onto yoongi’s hand as everyone heads into the building

“i…i think we might have to reboot his system because i honestly have no idea what other option we have”

“wait hyung but if we reboot his system won’t that wipe his database clean-“

“it’s going to be fine.” namjoon gives jimin a warning look and jimin’s like eughghhhh okayyyYy aND looks at you worryingly

once they wipe yoongi’s database there’s a high chance he’ll forget everything

including you

they’re about to bring yoongi into the lab but then namjoon notices you’re still holding his hand and he’s like okay you have to wait outside y/n i’m sorry

“but i wanna go inside too” you whimper and step even closer to the gurney

“i know you do but we can’t have anyone besides us in the lab when we’re rebooting a bot”

“why not??”

“y/n we just can’t it’s the rule-“

“no. i’m going inside too because-“

“y/n we love you but we seriously can’t let you in, okay? you can see yoongi afterwards.” jin cuts in and looks at you seriously and reaches down to pull your hand away from yoongi

your grip on him only tightens and with each passing moment you get more and more distraught and the boys have no idea what to do

“y/n, we don’t have time-”

“no please i wanna go inside i wanna be with yoongi” you’re sobbing at this point and namjoon’s heart clenches at the sight of how distraught you are

they all give each other looks of acknowledgement

the plan is to make you let go and then they’ll all move quickly into the lab

namjoon reaches down quickly and yanks your hand off and jungkook and hoseok work to push the gurney into the lab with jimin and jin holding the doors open

the moment you feel yoongi’s hand slip from your grasp you immediately go into a panic mode and you chase after joon and the others but suddenly taehyung’s grabbing you from behind keeping you in the waiting area

“c’mon, jagi, it’s okay,” you feel taehyung wrap an arm around you from behind but that only serves to make you struggle and freak out even more

“nO NO NO PLEASE PLEASE NAMJOON LET ME GO IN DON’T TAKE YOONGI AWAY FROM ME-“ namjoon shakes his head and drowns you out as he shuts and bolts the door behind him

he can still hear you sobbing and he hears poor taehyung trying to console you  

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry,” both you and tae are on the floor and he’s wrapped you up in a hug and is stroking your hair

his own eyes are welling up with tears because he hates seeing his friends in pain like this

“it’s all my fault,” you hiccup and taehyung shakes his head quickly

“it’s not. nothing is your fault. you didn’t know.”

“but what if they can’t reboot him and he doesn’t make-“

“y/n, your friends are all geniuses, okay? yoongi’s going to be fine.”

you spend the next two hours cuddled up to taehyung in the waiting room

you’re going in and out of sleep because it’s nearly 3AM and still no word from namjoon

“i think i should take you home, jagi” taehyung whispers and you shake your head quickly

“i can’t leave him again” you sniffle and rub at your eyes because god damnit you feel yourself crying again

“you need to sleep”

“i’ll sleep here”

“tae?” you perk up when you see hoseok poke his head out of the lab doors “we need you in here”

taehyung turns to look at you and you’re like it’s okay you can go i’ll be fine

“if you need anything just page one of us” taehyung hands you his pager before quickly going into the lab  

about twenty minutes pass and suddenly you feel your phone buzz

Notification: Y00NGI APP - (6) MESSAGES

you furrow your brows because how are you getting a message from yoongi right now

turns out there was a glitch in the app and you aren’t getting these messages until now

your eyes start watering again when you read the messages

“I’m sorry. I should not have said those things to you. It was entirely inappropriate of me. I just wanted you to know that you deserve to be with someone who loves you just as much as I do.��

“I have never felt this way before. I did not even know I was capable of feeling such emotions. You make me feel overwhelmingly happy all the time. I have thoroughly enjoyed being your caretaker and more importantly, your companion.”

“I know that you feel the same way about me as I feel about you. But I also know how you feel about android-human relationships. I’m going to do something that I think will be for the best.”

“Y/N. I’m sorry. Don’t forget about me. I won’t forget about you.”

“Live a long and happy life.”

“Yours forever, Yoongi.”  

you bite down on the inside of your cheek to keep yourself from sobbing

you’re just so emotionally and physically drained right now

you hate yourself

you just want yoongi back

you sniffle and rub furiously at your eyes because you feel them welling up again

okay you need a distraction

the wifi isn’t working for some reason so you end up flipping through your camera roll

and oh

there are so many pictures of yoongi on your roll

you can’t help but laugh quietly to yourself

he sure does love his selfies

your pretty boy-bot

a yawn escapes you and you stretch your aching limbs out a little before turning to lie down on the hard bench

the boys really need to invest in like a sofa or something

soon enough you fall asleep on the bench clutching your phone to your chest

“y/n?” your eyes pop wide open when you hear namjoon open the lab doors

“how is he?? is he okay??” you scramble off the seat and run up to namjoon

“well, we managed to replace some of the wires in his neck. we replaced his eyes, too. can’t have a blind android. luckily not everything was destroyed when he overcharged himself. we didn’t have to completely reboot him but…”

“but?” namjoon’s eyes flicker down to his clipboard

“he actually developed a new emotion.”

wat

why is he telling you this right now

“that’s great joonie but i just wanna know if he’s alive or not”

“he’s fine - don’t worry, he’s fine. i just… why don’t you come in and see for yourself?” namjoon lets you in and you’re shocked to see yoongi hooked up to a bunch of different computers and machines

you immediately walk over to look at him and

he still looks the same

he’s still your yoongi

“okay, you ready?”

“mm”

namjoon hits a button on one of the machines

you jump when yoongi’s eyes open and light up and suddenly a bunch of videos appear around the room like holograms

and all of the videos are of you

like when yoongi patched up your knee and your hands and pressed a kiss to your knuckles - that was the first time he learned to give affection

or when he scolded you for coming home late and taking your bracelet off - his first time displaying emotions of frustration and worry

the two of you watching beneath the water for the tenth time in a row because you pulled out your puppy dog eyes and yoongi can’t resist them

there are just multiple videos hovering around the room and all of the videos are just of you

“i think… i think Y00NGI loves you” namjoon is genuinely shocked because he wasn’t expecting thIS as a result of him building yoongi in the first place

“but that’s- that’s not possible, right??? i mean he’s a robot and robots don’t…. they don’t love”

“not usually - obviously there are robots out there for companionship or for sex or whatever but i’ve never heard of a case where the android was capable of loving someone… i don’t know if i should label yoongi as faulty because i seriously was noT expecting this…”

you’re half listening to namjoon and half just watching all the videos that are playing around you

“of course - Y00NGI isn’t like other androids… i built him so that he learns from people and adapts to his environment…. he’s around you most of the time and… i suppose it is possible for an android to love??? he’s just so lifelike now i can’t tell if this is a failure or a success”

“he’s not a failure!!! isn’t it better for him to be more lifelike? then the companionship and the romantic aspect of it becomes more realistic”

“i don’t know y/n… i don’t know if i want mY bots like… falling in love with their clients… the purpose of the androids are to help people not fall in love with people”

“why can’t they do both??”

now that has namjoon thinking

hm

maybe you’re right

maybe he can start a line of ..,, relationship robots??

namjoon hits the button again and yoongi’s eyes immediately shut

“how come he’s not… is he in a coma or something?”

“i don’t know, y/n. i think we should give him a couple days - he probably needs to get used to the new hard drive.”

you sit down on the stool and you grip yoongi’s hand and bring it up to your mouth to plant a tiny kiss on his knuckles

yoongi might be in love with you

no

according to namjoon yoongi is definitely in love with you

and you love him

more than anything in the entire world

you scoot up a little so that you’re closer to his face and you reach over to brush a strand of hair out of his eyes

you purse your lips in frustration and boop yoongi’s nose

you miss his voice

you miss his laugh

you miss his touch

you miss those pretty brown eyes

“yoongs,” you whisper so sO quietly and lean in to press a tiny kiss to his cheek “i love you”

for now it’s just the sound of machines whirring and beeping

and then it happens

yoongi’s finger twitches ever so slightly

“yoongi??” you stand up quickly and the others rush over

you’re all hovering over yoongi when he opens his eyes and a breath of relief leaves everyone and the boys are all high-fiving and fist-bumping each other

oh thank god

thank GOD

you immediately scramble on top of yoongi so you can hug him and it’s kind of an awkward position but you’re making it work

he sits up from the table while you’re still cruSHing him in a hug

“oh my god yoongi i-i thought i lost you forever i’m so sorry i should’ve done something sooner-“

“Hello. I am M1N Y00NGI.”

you pull away immediately and look at his face in confusion

“wha… what?”

his eyes scan your face momentarily

“You are Y/N Y/L/N. I am your personal human mind model adaptive super android.”  

you turn to look at namjoon and your eyes begin welling up with tears

“joon he doesn’t- he doesn’t remember who i am? i thought you said you didn’t reboot his system” you whimper and namjoon’s frantically flipping through the papers on his clipboard

“h-hold on y/n we’ll be back we need to check what wires we used on yoongi” taehyung squeezes your arm and you nod and then they’re all leaving the lab whispering things to each other

you turn to look at yoongi again and his eyes are just…

empty

looking into his eyes is like looking into a void

he doesn’t remember you

“no… no, please, you know me, you know who i am” you sniffle and reach up to cup his cheeks

“You are Y/N Y/L/N. I am M1N Y00NGI. I am your personal human-“ 

“yeah yeah you’re my personal human mind model adaptive super android but you’re moRe than M1N Y00NGI you’re my best friend a-and you take care of me and every morning you wake me up at seven every morning and you bring me lunch everyday and we read together and we watch nature documentaries together because you hate it when i watch cartoons and- don’t you remember???” you’re frantic at this point and you’re grasping at his shirt tightly 

“I am sorry. I am afraid I do not understand.” 

“you’re more than just Y00NGI you’re mY yoongi” 

“I am sorry. I am afraid I do not understand. I am your Y00NGI?” you nod desperately as a tear rolls down your cheek

“yes, yes, you’re my yoongi, and i’m your y/n, a-and you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me and i love you more than anything in this entire world but please pLease you have to try and remember me” you sob and yoongi remains stone still even as you’re pushing and smacking at his chest 

“You love me?” 

“i love you, i love you,” you whimper and rest your head on his shoulder in defeat

you’ve lost him

he’s gone forever and it’s all your damn fault

“Took you long enough to say it, you dolt.”

wait what

you pull away from yoongi’s shoulder and look at his face and his eyes have returned to their warm shade of caramel brown

your yoongi

this is your yoongi

“I thought it’d be funny to play a prank on you but I think I might’ve taken it a step too far.”

“yOONGI!!!!!!!!”

yoongi’s still trying to adjust himself to this new hard drive but it’s hard to do that with you kissing his face everywhere

he chuckles places his hands on your hips as you cup his face and just look at him

“you’re a dick” you sniffle and rub at your swollen eyes

yoongi smiles and wipes a tear away before pinching your cheek playfully

“I’ve been told. Hi.”

“hi” you mumble

yoongi takes his bottom lip in between his teeth and his eyes flicker down to your mouth

you’re about to ask him how he’s feeling and ambush him with questions but he holds a finger up to your lips

“Say it.”

“say what?”

“You know what.”

“you’re going to have to be more specific” you tease and yoongi gives you a look

you press your lips together and wrap your arms around yoongi’s neck

“Well?”

“well what”

“I literally almost died and you’re still going to put me through-“

yoongi’s eyes go wide and his computer-brain basically short circuits when you suddenly lean in and plant your lips on his

god your lips are soft

and yoongi’s like

so this is a human kiss

totally worth it

yoongi’s eyes flutter shut when he feels you tug at his wrist to get him to respond and then he’s kissing you back with such love and affection and tenderness that it makes both of your guys heads spin

you pull away and yoongi feels himself overheating when you nudge your nose against his

“i love you.”

yoongi doesn’t even hesitate to respond

“I love you too.”

“give the man some space y/n we just resurrected him” jungkook walks in and the other boys are behind him

you immediately blush and move to get off of yoongi but his arm slithers around your waist and he pulls you in closer

“were you people in on this sick prank????” you scowl and squish your cheek against yoongi’s as you wrap your arms around his neck

“we’re sorry!!! it was all yoongi’s idea okAY” jimin raises his hands in defence

how are you holding up, champ?” namjoon walks over and gives yoongi a pat on the back “feeling okay?”

“mm, i’m feeling good. you really tightened my wires, didn’t you?” yoongi tilts his head and cracks his neck before wincing

“yeah - they’re extra durable so you can’t fucking overcharge yourself like an idiot again” yoongi gets a smack across the head from each of the boys and you whine and swat their hands away before cradling his head and bringing him down to rest against your chest

and yoongi’s like teehee because his face in between your boobs

“leave him alone! he’s gone through an exhausting 48 hours. …but i agree, you fuckign idiot” you swat yoongi’s head and he groans out in pain before reaching up and rubbing at the back of his head

“y/n, i gotta talk to you about something c’mere for a sec” namjoon calls for you and you nod before carefully crawling off of yoongi

before you get a chance to walk over yoongi grabs your wrist and pulls you in for a teeny kiss

“omg u have plenty of time to kiss each other later go to namjoon so we can double check yoongi’s wiring” jin smacks your arm and you scowl before hopping over to joon

“what’s up?”

“okay, you have to promise not to get mad.”

“…what did you do”

namjoon presses his lips together and tucks a pen behind his ear before leaning back against the table

“about a month after you took yoongi in, i actually got a request from… a really, really wealthy girl - she… well… next month will be your seventh month with yoongi.. and technically your- our - contract terminates automatically after eight months…”

you furrow your brows in confusion

namjoon’s never brought this up before

“ikindofsortofmaybesoldyoongitothisgirl”

wow

this day just keeps getting better

“you…”

“…”

“YOU DID WHAT- OOF I’M GONNA FUCKGIN KILL YOU GET OVER HERE” the next thing namjoon sees is you lunging at him and suddenly you’re chasing him around the lab and yoongi and the boys are all like um wtf is happening

namjoon has string bean legs so obviously he’s getting away from you pretty easily but you still run as fast as you goddamn can

“y/N WAIT JUST LET ME EXPLAIN” somehow you and namjoon end up standing at opposite ends of a table with vERY SHArp tools

“YOU’VE DONE PLENTY OF EXPLAINING GET OVER HERE” when you round the table to get to namjoon he moves quickly and ends up where you were just standing

“listen liSTEN i can laBEL HIM AS FAULTY and tell her i have to make anoTHER model for her!!” you don’t even register what namjoon’s saying because you are positively fumING

if you were in a cartoon smoke would be coming out of your ears

you pick up what’s closest to you which happens to be a pair of long tweezers

“i’m going to pluck your eyES OUT NAMJOON”

“you can keEP YOONGI FOR CHRIST’S SAKES” jungkook grabs you before you can hop over the table to strangle namjoon and you’re like wait what

“you can keep yoongi” he breathes out and presses a hand over his chest “people are willing to pay miLLions of dollars for yoongi but i’m going to label him as faulty so you can keep him - for frEE.”

good god you’re terrifying when you’re angry  

“oh”

“uh-huh”

“then why even bring it up in the first place?”

“you… yoongi’s going to be your permanent responsibility and i need to know that you can handle it. he is my first creation after all. yoongi’s my baby! even though he’s technically older than me. you know… i… you won’t have to bring him in for check ups every two weeks anymore but i need to know that you’ll be able to handle any given situation” namjoon scratches the back of his neck

your heart warms a little because namjoOn cares thAT much about yoongi

“like what if he has a loose wire somewhere and-“

“joon, i promise you i will take care of yoongi” you hold a hand to your chest and you’re about to reassure him even more but yoongi butts in

“Um, is everyone forgetting that I’m like, a genius android? I could perform brain surgery if I really wanted to. I’m sure I’ll be able to take care of a loose wire.”

“…fair enough” namjoon’s like :’) i’m so proud of my android baby :’) but here y/n take this basic manuscript on how to rewire wires :’)

“i can’t believe you made me cry like that” after namjoon and the others triple-check that yoongi’s good to go they give you the green light to head home

“I’m sorry, baby. It won’t happen again. I love you.” yoongi squeezes your hand and your heart flutters in your chest

you swing your arms back and forth before stopping and standing in front of yoongi and yanking him down to kiss you

“i love me too” yoongi scowls and digs his fingers into your side making you giggle “i love u too”

“should we get pizza to celebrate?”  

“…In your dreams.”

>:-(

the two of you head over to the car and once you’re buckled in you turn to face yoongi with your hands on the steering wheel

“so where are we heading now?”

“…Home.”

home :)

you don’t like to admit it but sometimes you like to take advantage of the fact that yoongi is an android

especially when he’s in the middle of his charging time

“we shouldn’t have had a harry potter marathon because it drained all the battery out of me” yoongi winces as you plug his cord into his neck a little too roughly

you apologize and give him a lil kiss before moving to sit on the bed

the two of you decided it’d be a good idea to move yoongi’s fridge (“Stop calling it a fridge, Y/N. It’s my charging pod.” “...issa fridge”) into the bedroom now that you two are,,, together

“...i’m going to go eat some lucky charms now”

“Okay, but- wait, what? Lucky charms? I threw them out last week. Nice try, hiding the box under the bed.”

“uh-huh, under the bed.” you smirk and stand up before heading over to the bedside drawer

“I don’t like that look on your face. What are you up to?” yoongi furrows his brows when he sees you pull out a tampon box out of the drawers “Are you ovulating? My calendar tells me that you’re not supposed to-“ he immediately stops talking when you open up the box to reveal noT tampons but just straight up lucky charms

and it’s not even lucky charms it’s just lucky charm MARSHMALLOWS

“Oh my god.”

“oh my god indeed” you grin and shovel a handful of marshmallows into your mouth and yoongi winces when he senses your blood sugar shOOt up

“Y/N, no.” he gives you a stern look and you shrug innocently before popping another marshmallow into your mouth and crunching down on it

“y/n, yes. i’m going to eat ALL OF THESE RIGHT NOW” you zip out of the room and yoongi groans loudly and reaches up to pull the plug out of his neck  

but he’s stuck there because the cord won’t unplug until he’s up to at least 30% charged

he really needs to do a more thorough check of the bedroom next time

of course karma’s a bitch so you end up drinking the blandest chicken soup for dinner that night to ‘flush out the toxins and chemicals’

sometimes you have … depressing thoughts

like you know that it’s impossible for you and yoongi to grow old together and that you’re going to turn into a sack of wrinkly prunes one day and he’s still going to look like he’s 25

somewhere down the line you’ll have to end things with yoongi and find an actual human being because you want to have a family and yoongi’s fake semen isn’t going to get you anywhere

or maybe you can ask namjoon to make robot-human babies if that’s even possible

that sounds terrifying actually

but you know what

you’re just living your best life right now

you’re young and you don’t have a care in the world

the world of android-human relationships is a completely normal concept in this century

you’re having fun with your android-boyfriend!!! enjoy the present :-))))

speaking of your android-boyfriend

dating yoongi includes ((but is not limited to!!)) lazy make-out sessions because that’s just who he is

like you’ll be watching some documentary and you’ll be cuddled up to yoongi’s chest

these nature documentaries have become your favourite thing to watch but whenever yoongi’s busy with something you sneak away to watch your cartoons because you could never give up adventure time

anyways

yoongi gets pretty bored quickly with these documentaries mainly because everything the narrator’s saying,,, he already knows

you have your head on his chest and he likes to hook a finger under your chin and bring your face up to his before pressing his lips against yours

and usually you entertain him for a second and kiss him back but your eyes are still glued on the screen while you’re kissing him

and thaT’s when he gets pouty

“Baby, pay attention to me.” yoongi sighs and taps your cheek gently and you turn to glance at him quickly

“i paid attention to you already” you give him a chaste kiss and he leans in to chase after your mouth but you’re already pulling away and settling back against his chest

“I’m bored.”

“yoU chose this documentary”

“I know, but I’m bored. And there are better ways to pass the time, you know.”

“like wha-yOongi!” the next thing you know yoongi’s pulling you onto his lap and you have your legs on either side of him and he already has his face in between your boobs “well this isn’t convenient for me because now i have to twist my back to look at the screen”

yoongi rolls his eyes and pauses the documentary before tossing the remote to the opposite end of the couch

“and you say i’m the one with the out of control hormones” yoongi hums and you squeak when you feel him grope your butt

what a gentleman

yoongi tells you make-out sessions are actually good for him because it allows him to learn more and stuff but ur like what kind of skills do u gain from making out with someone

it’s just because he’s a horn-dog

“my salmon’s going to burn in the oven, yoongi” you giggle against his lips and yoongi literally whines when you pull away which is sO adorable

“The salmon won’t burn. According to my timer, it’ll be cooked perfectly in 10 minutes.”

“oOH yeah baby keep talking technology to me mMm”

yoongi snorts and rolls his eyes but pulls you back in for another kiss

sometimes you forget yoongi is a super-intelligent robot and can pick up things like really reALLy quickly

“yoongi, oh goD yoongi” yoongi’s hands slide down to grip your ass as he continues helping you to push your hips down against his thigh

“Is that good, baby? Gonna cum all over my thigh? Greedy little thing…” hearing his low, raspy voice murmur that right into your ear would be enough to make you cum but also

where the HELL did he learn to talk like this  

“where’d you- yoongi, ah - where the hell’d you learn how to talk like that?”

yoongi pauses and pulls away before looking at you and blinking

“I downloaded an archive off of Pornhub.com so that I would be fully equipped with the skills required for you to have an orgasm. Is it not working?”

“no, it’s working, i just wasn’t expecting it” you’re still kind of breathless because you were literally riding his thigh for the last two minutes

and now you’re just perched on his lap casually having a conversation

“Oh. But you like it, right?”

“ya”

“Then why’d you stop me, dummy?” yoongi shifts under you and your eyes widen when you feel him press himself right against your core “Now be quiet and let me make you cum on my thigh.”

ah

your sweet yoongi

ever the romantic

also

um

tongue technology

“Jagi - if you keep squirming like that, I’m gonna have to hold you down harder and I might cause bruising which isn’t ideal.”

“i can’t help it” you whine and your hips automatically raise up from the bed

yoongi rolls his eyes and digs his fingers into your plush hips before forcing you down and woW you underestimated his strength because u literally can’t even move

“Well, help it.” he shrugs and proceeds to bury his face in between your legs again

he groans against you when you cry out in pleasure

something that you’ve learned about yoongi is the fact that he loves to tease

like seriously he teases so much it’s kind of concerning

“You have to tell me what you want, baby.”

“but i-“ you pout and whine underneath yoongi because he’s not giving you what you wANT

“Nuh-uh, don’t start whining now.”

and what he says next has your insides melting

“Tell daddy what you want.”

“daddy, please…i…”

“Hm? Couldn’t hear you, doll.” yoongi sighs and leans down to press a kiss against your inner thigh before blowing gently on your core and you instantly twitch

“i said i…”

“you?”

“ᶦ ʷᵃⁿᵗ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵗᵒⁿᵍᵘᵉ”

“That wasn’t so hard, was it?” yoongi has to admit he himself is getting a little impatient so he bends down and proceeds to eat you out as if he were starving

one of your hands slithers down to his hair while the other reaches back to grip at the headboards

god bLESS taehyung and his talent for designing yoongi    

the first time u and yoongi have sex

noW you see the hype with sex bots (even tho yoongi technically isn’t a sex bot but daMn he’d be a hit if he was marketed as one)

of course it starts off sweet and romantic because it is your first time with him after all

yoongi showers you with sweet n soft kisses and is so sO gentle with you

he’s positioned in between your legs snugly and has his fingers intertwined with yours with one hand while the other is propping him up a little

his forehead is pressed against yours and all of your senses are just flooded with yoongi yoongi yoongi

“yOongi, ah-“ you whimper and arch your back when he thrusts and hits that spot

“Mm, there?” yoongi’s nipping at your collarbone before he trails kisses up your neck and along your jaw and you nod desperately

“there, right thEre” a gasp slips past your lips and yoongi can’t help but smirk to himself proudly when he hits it again

“Does that feel good?” his voice is all low and raspy and good goD you could die right then and there

“yEaH yeah that f-feels good, feels really good, yoOngi- oh, god, i love y-yoU” your sharp nails bite into his back and yoongi bites down on your shoulder as payback  

yoongi thanks the android gods above because he’s able to capture the image of you having an orgasm and he can play it over and over and over again

your sweet little cries and moans and pants of pleasure

all for him

“Nngh- you okay?” yoongi shudders when you squeeze around him from the overstimulation

you nod bashfully and look away and yoongi think it’s sO adorable how shy you get post-sex

“Don’t get shy on me now, jagi.” yoongi coos and presses his lips against yours

you kiss back obediently but then you’re pushing at his chest gently “i wanna make you feel good too”

“It’s okay baby, you really don’t have to -“ it’s too late because you’re already pushing yoongi onto his back and crawling on top of him

“but i want to”

“…Only because you said so.” yoongi sits up eagerly and you can’t help but giggle at how quickly he changed his mind

so remember how sweet and romantic u guys were like twenty minutes ago

yeah

yEET

“Oh, fuck- you’re doing so good, baby, so good for me,” yoongi groans and his grip tightens on your hips and you cry out when he bucks up into you

“Yeah? Gonna cum again? Cum all over daddy’s cock?” yoongi has a hand in between your legs and is rubbing quick circles on your already sensitive clit

you nod quickly and furrow your brows before arching your back against him

“w-want you to cum i-inside” you breathe out and yoongi growls when you squeeze around him

oh god

yep

yoongi’s gonna exploDE

yoongi delivers a slap to your backside making you arch your back and cry out

“Beg for it, pretty girl.”

you get all bashful again and nuzzle into the crook of his neck and yoongi barely hears your little ᵖˡᵉᵃˢᵉ ᶜᵘᵐ ᶦⁿˢᶦᵈᵉ ᶦ ʷᵃⁿᵗ ᶦᵗ  

“You weren’t this shy a second ago, baby…” you let out a pathetic whine in response and yoongi figures he’ll let you get away with it just oncE

he grips a handful of your ass and hooks a finger under your chin then pulls you closer so he can kiss you  

you kiss him back enthusiastically and your thighs are on fiRE but u know dis shit is gon be worth it so you power through

it’s a pretty messy and uncoordinated kiss and yoongi’s tongue is fully in your mouth

y’all are FREAKS

“Y/N, fuck, fuck, it’s happening, h-happening…” yoongi’s fingers dig into the flesh of your hip and he tosses his head back

the next thing you know both you and yoongi are seeing stars

yoongi feELs like he’s short circuiting that’S how good this orgasm is

“huh”

“what’s wrong” you wheel over to namjoon and the two of you look at an unconscious yoongi

namjoon has his neck flap opened so you can see all the wires running through yoongi

“this wire’s been burnt to a crisp”

“how?” you look at in in concern and ya namjoon’s right one single wire is split and completely fried

“it’s weird because this wire is the wire connected to, uh,, u know…”

“to the what”

“you and yoongi have.. sex, right?”

you blush instantly and clear your throat before pretending that you got a notification on your phone

“imeanlikeyeahiguessso”

“oH don’t worry there’s nothing wrong with that that’s totally fine” joon reassures you before picking up a pair of tweezers “this particular wire being all burnt up and crispy makes more sense now”

“what do u mean” you raise an eyebrow and pick up your bottle of water

“hand me the scissors” namjoon pauses and holds his hand out and you grab the scissors for him “…you made him nut so hard he busted a wire” he shrugs casually and you choke on your water

omg LOL

“i’m sorry whAt”

namjoon’s brows furrow as he ties the two loose ends together hoPefully that will fix it til the wires come “jimin - can you bring three single-strand wires? i have to replace yoongi’s triplex wire-“ he turns and raises an accusing brow at you and you huff “yeah, that one. the blue one. this should do the trick for now… i think”  

“here ya go”

“thank you- anyways yoongi wasn’t made to be a sex bot-“

“he’s noT A sex bot u know what sometimes he’S the one with the out of control hormones i like to think that he wants it more than i do-“

“so i guess i better pick up some more durable wires seeing that your guys’ relationship probably isn’t ending anytime soon” namjoon clicks yoongi’s neck flap shut and you have no idea how this silicone shit works but now it looks like a normal neck again “the wires will probably take two weeks to get here so,,, i’m sorry u sex fiend but no sex with yoongi for two weeks otherwise he might actually burst into flames”

taehyung comes over wearing a monocle looking thing and proceeds to do his part to yoongi which is just the ~outer appearance~

he doesn’t have to do much considering yoongi is pretty much perfect

“i’m on joon’s side - as much as i love and support this relationship i’m gonna need you to slow down a little” taehyung pauses to tweeze one of yoongi’s eyebrow hairs “because i’ve gone to the sex shop to buy fake semen so many times they asked me if i wanted an industrial sized juG of it”

yoongi’s learned to be very affectionate because of you but he has his limits

“Y/N, it’s time to wake up…” yoongi’s stroking some hair out of your face before he pokes your cheek gently

you grumble something under your breath and swat at his hand

“C’mon, jagi. You’re going to be late for work.” he sighs and reaches down to pull your (his) shirt down because it always rides up

you groan and flip over on your stomach

“Baby…” yoongi sighs and leans down to press a kiss against your shoulder

another grunt

okay that’s it

yoongi sighs and gets off the bed before grabbing the blanket and literally riPPINg it out from under you causing you to roll off and flop right onto the floor

“oW WHY DID U-“ you sit up and rub your forehead before glaring at your dumb boyfriend

“It is 7AM. You have work in an hour.”

some things never change

[a-taller-tale]

Mad World 

Summary: Simmons gets a mysterious message in the present. Meanwhile in the past, Grif has to explain how birthdays don't matter to an alien spark plug. No matter how time travel works, Back to the Future III will always be relevant. Notes: A @redvsbluesecretsanta gift for @creatrixanimi, who was amazingly patient when life blew up and I needed a few extra days. Also thanks to the RvB Secret Santa mods for organizing such a fun event again this year!

Also on Ao3

The Present

Nobody really celebrated things in Blood Gulch, especially not birthdays. Simmons could admit now that it was a miserable, boring, hot, pointless box canyon in the desert with nothing to do except run drills, do paperwork, patrol Red Base, and—on especially boring days–-try to see what the guys at the Blue Base were doing.

Then the rookies showed up, one Red, one Blue, and everything got a lot weirder. Besides Donut messing up Simmons’ chance at a promotion by somehow wheedling his way into Sarge’s good graces, both rookies were kind of young when they joined up, and very stupid. Neither of them seemed to understand the basic concept of being at war. And suddenly everything was a reason to celebrate.

Donut’s Daily Wine and Cheese Hour started first. Then there was Church’s Best Friend Celebration Spectacular, which Grif and Simmons had attended so they could get the food Donut made for it, and watch Church’s torment.

Sarge decided he wanted in on the action and started making up random holidays when he was bored. And then it was basically non-stop. Interventions, War-iversaries, Armistice Day (for Red and Blue movie nights), and when they couldn’t think of anything else, eventually even birthdays were a thing.

They weren’t as large an occasion as National Hot Dog Day, but they’d be as nice to the birthday guy as possible (which they usually gave up on five minutes in and dragged him more than usual). Then there’d usually be a presentation of old warthog parts wrapped up like presents so they'd have something to unwrap.

Donut always made cake, and Sarge allowed it after Donut swore up and down he wouldn’t make another one to jump out of because he didn’t want the joke to go stale.

Simmons got a party after he told everyone when his birthday was and planted hints all over the Valhalla base that no one could escape. He’d timed it perfectly too, starting a week in advance to account for how long his teammates would hold out to avoid giving him positive attention before they cracked.

“Okay! The surprise party is tomorrow!” Grif yelled. “Please no more texts about how your dad never came to your birthdays! I can’t take it anymore!”

Freckles had a birthday at Crash Site Bravo. Simmons didn’t remember a lot of it because of the blinding terror of being held hostage by a Mantis-class military assault droid and Caboose, who wasn’t famous for his leadership skills or track record of most accidental kills.

They didn’t always celebrate everyone’s birthdays every year, except for when they were on Iris. A lot of times throughout the years, they were busy with life threatening crap. There were accidents, and conspiracies, and missions to take out corrupt old white guys who were sometimes someone’s dad.

But as Simmons stares at the alert that just pinged his HUD, he has no idea how he hadn’t realized they’ve never done a birthday for Grif.

Sure, Sarge likes to joke about him being an unnatural abomination. But they had to have had one birthday thing.

After the Shizno incident was over, they came back to Iris with some pizza-to-go so they could try to have some time off again. Grif didn’t seem that happy to be back, but then again “retirement moon” had been Blood Gulch level of vacation, what with the never ending robot vs. dinosaur wars. And they had to chase some nesting dinosaur squatters out of the base before they could settle in again too.

In a moment that was still crystal clear to Simmons--despite the months of time traveling with Sarge, and then being stuck in a Blood Gulch time bubble--Grif had said he thought everyone hated him. He'd been certain of it, and weirdly calm. Not apathetic though. Resigned.

Simmons thinks it should be obvious by now that the ribbing is just the way that they talk to each other, and he'sthe one with anxiety. Even Sarge makes sure Grif is always with them now. Has been extra eagle-eyed since they got separated.

To use another manly metaphor, Grif's one of the supporting beams on Red Team. Without him they'll fall apart and Sarge would probably go crazy and try to sell everyone out to a serial killer so he could be a movie star. ...Again.

But when Simmons tried to tell Grif that, he only downgraded his importance to “hate glue.”

Simmons frowns at a cobweb clinging to the wall that he must have missed when he tricked everyone into celebrating Spring Cleaning, and realizes with his stomach slowly flipping that they never showed Grif he was important. And Grif noticed, even though he pretended not to care.

Grif thought they all hated him, could still think that, and they never gave him a reason not to. They’d been stuck together for fifteen years, had a drinking night dedicated to the anniversary of the sinking of the Titanic last week, and they never threw a party for Grif.

Simmons pulls up their personnel files. He's filled out forms for Grif, of course. Comes with the territory of carrying Red Team through bureaucracy and making sure they get their pay and also file their taxes right. So how had this date never really registered before?

May the Fourth.

Grif's right. It always comes back to Star Wars.

The Past

Huggins loved talking, and she loved people watching, and watching human movies. Like Die Hard. She and Grif got along super well really fast for her being a lens flare with knowledge supposedly beyond human comprehension.

They’d finally broken down to camp for the night after another day of walking across a country.

What Grif wouldn’t give for some methshrooms now, but he’d used up the last of his stash during the last big battle and hadn’t had the chance to restock before they walked right into more shenanigans without even a pizza break.

And now he was hiking. Something Huggins had totally tricked him into by mentioning his sister. He’d pulled a Sarge move and unloaded his gun at her, because that was dirty pool and she deserved it. But if this were a TV show, she was way better sidekick material than that reporter lady. Plus, he probably should check on his sister now that he knew she wasn't dead and buried in Blood Gulch, and just lost in time like him instead. Nothing better to do in a world without pizza.

“What are birthdays like?” Huggins chirped, interrupting his thoughts.

Grif blinked at the wood he had been kicking into a pile. Oh right, he was trying to build a fire. Not that he needed it with armor on that he was going to sleep in rather than sleeping on the ground, but when you were camping, fires were always necessary for atmosphere. And roasting marshmallows.

“Uh… I dunno,” he said. “Usually the same bullshit happens as any other day.”

“I don’t get the appeal of most other human traditions, but isn’t there cake and singing and celebration and presents? I thought that was important, since you humans don’t live so long.”

“Okay, one: Cake is always important. And B: Yeah, birthdays are a big thing, but only when you’re a kid. When you’re an adult, typically no one gives a fuck.”

Huggins flew in an anxious little circle around Grif’s head, settling into a hover in front of his visor. She had no face that he could see, but he got the impression that there were concerned eyes on him anyway. “But your friends—”

“Have their own shit going on right now, if you haven’t noticed the epic quest you’re leading me on. I’ll be happy if I can just get a slice of pizza after all this is over.”

Huggins clucked her non-existent tongue. Sentient light beings didn’t have tongues, so what made that noise? Unless she had a more alien humanoid type body and he just couldn’t see it with human eyes. Or she was extra-dimensional and the big spark was all that came through. Or—

“After I complete my mission and we defeat the Shizno, we will get pizza,” she said.

Grif cracked a smile, and he was covered by a helmet, but she always seemed to know when she got him to smile and ran with it.

“Ten pizzas!” She declared, zooming up and down dizzyingly, her light brightening. “And an Oreo cake!”

Grif scoffed, but he couldn’t hide the smile from his voice. “Make that an ice cream Oreo cake and you have yourself a deal.”

“Deal!” she yelled instantly. “I can’t wait to go to a human birthday party!”

“Hey, no one said anything about it being a birthday party.”

“It’s going to be your birthday party. And it will not be bull shit.”

“Hey, if you say so. It can be my birthday, if there’s Oreo ice cream cake on the line. And I’m getting the hint that spark plugs—”

“Sentient light beings.”

“—don’t have birthdays, huh? I guess you can share mine as long as you pay for the pizza and cake and beer. I might even let you have some of the cake.”

“Hey, I never said anything about beer. And human food is gross! You can keep it.”

Grif snickered.

The Future

Unfortunately, Huggins never got to follow through on her threat to throw Grif a birthday party.

They fixed almost everything, and came back to Iris, and they even got pizza on the way. But they couldn't save Huggins.

He’s been sleeping and bingeing TV for a few days. Almost no one's bothered him, though Kai's come in to visit and poke him a few times.

It's fine. Okay, not really fine, but it's normal. You win some, you lose some. Just like every other stupid adventure. And he's getting used to losing by now.

Grif stares at the light on the bedroom ceiling. Wonders if Huggins went out like a lightbulb, all burnt and cracked and blackened. He hopes there's an afterlife for little spotlights that talk way too much exposition.

“Hey Grif!”

How the hell does Sarge always sound like he has a megaphone when Grif knows for a fact he doesn’t know how to work the amplifier in his armor?

“What?!” Grif screams through the wall, not moving an inch from his bed. “I’m busy!”

“Get your lazy ass out here, Grif!” comes Simmons’ voice next. He's also good at projecting. If Grif didn't know better, he'd say he was a closet theater kid.

“Fuck off, Simmons!”

“Pretty please.” Grif jumps. Caboose’s voice is at a normal volume, and soft and coaxing, but right outside the door.

Goddammit, of course they sent Caboose. Cheaters.

“Ugh, fine. I’m coming.” Grif rolls out of his blanket nest, ruffling up his hair, and throwing on a semi-clean shirt he’s only worn once from the laundry pile on the floor.

The instant he opens the door, he's greeted not by Caboose, but by the smell of something extremely burnt coming from the kitchen. “Donut better not have set the base on fire again,” Grif complains as he trudges into the common area the Reds and Blues share.

“That better not have been a crack about my cooking,” Carolina says, her arms folded across her chest. Carolina's less scary now that they're kinda friends and he's seen her super baked.

Actually, nah, she's still the same amount of scary when she wants to be, but her mouth is twitching up in the corner. Joking.

“Just stating facts—“ Grif freezes mid-step as he registers the rest of the room.

There's a messy banner that was obviously half-painted by Donut in pastel shades of red, and the other half also obviously by Caboose because it says “Happy Birthday, Girff.”

“Who’s Girff?” he says automatically to cover for his shock. There are streamers, and music playing from a comically antique boom box, and a poster of Blade taped over the sink?

It's also a full house with Wash and Carolina, and also Doctor Grey and Kimball, and the mockumentary film crack team of Dylan Andrews and the guy that filmed for her. Sarge is standing with a twitchy nervous Simmons near the front, and the lieutenants are setting up board games and pizza and appetizers on the table, while Bitters leans back against the wall casually.

“Girff is you, stupid!” Kaikaina says, ambushing him from the side with a bear hug. “Happy birthday, bro!”

Donut swings in from the back where the kitchen is, twirling on one heel, holding a cake decorated with delicate swirls of peach icing and orange flowers. “I just whipped this one up quickly!”

“You made a back-up cake,” Carolina says flatly, turning a real glare on Donut.

“Of course! ” he says breezily. “Nothing can be left to chance on such an important occasion! Always use protection!”

It's really hard for Grif to act cool about this. Everything about the dumb party shows how much they know him, down to the Battlestar Galactica special edition of Clue.

Especially when Simmons shows him the message he got. It was a text alert from a post office on a remote colony that had been holding onto a parchment letter for 1000 years to give to a Dick Simmons on an exact date at an exact hour. The post office wanted some ridiculous fees for the hard copy to be delivered, but luckily they sent Simmons the transcription.

It was a note to save the date for today, and make Grif’s next birthday the party of the century.

Fucking time travel.

Grif had always wanted some ancient clever letter from a time traveler delivered to him with an auspicious warning, or a hundred billion dollars. But he's really glad he knows Huggins liked Back to the Future III now. They hadn’t gotten to those movies in their pop culture conversations yet.

Donut put sparklers in the cake, and when he lights them, the sparks shoot up and down and dance and fly around excitedly.

Surrounded by his family and friends, Grif blows out the candles.

Children waiting for the day they feel good Happy birthday Happy birthday Made to feel the way that every child should Sit and listen Sit and listen

And I find it kinda funny I find it kinda sad The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had I find it hard to tell you I find it hard to take When people run in circles It's a very very Mad world Mad world

[ferret-vox-starter]

Commissions maybe?

I'm offering $5 customs and commissions. They'll be done roughly same day order maybe longer if I get busy. The customs are gonna be hand drawn unless asked to be done on a base.

~Will dos~

Animals, cyborg, robot, humanoid, creatures, "experiments", object heads, furrys, slight gore

~Won't dos~

N-s-f-w(don't have confidence), heavy gore, abusive things, lgbtq+ phobic pieces, anything that will make me uncomfortable.

~Custom order~

Name:

Age:

Gender:

Personality:

Colour pallet:

Accessories:

Species:

~Add-ons~

-Two sided $1

-One sided plus a few(2-3) facial expressions of your choosing $1

-Two sides plus a few(2-3) facial expressions of your choosing $1.50

-One sided plus alternative form of your choosing $1.50

-Two sided plus alternative form of your choosing $2

-One sided plus feral (only with animal customs) $1.50

-Two sided plus feral (only with animal customs) $1.50

-One sided plus a set of clothes of your choosing $1.50

-Two sided plus a set of clothes of your choosing $1.50

-One sided plus a few(2-3) sets of clothes of your choosing $2.50

-Two sided plus a few(2-3) sets of clothes of your choosing $2.50

-One sided plus favorite object $1

-Two sided plus favorite object $1

-One sided plus alternative form and a few(2-3) facial expressions of your choosing $2.75

-Two sided plus alternative form and a few(2-3) facial expressions of your choosing $2.75

-One sided plus feral(only animal customs) and a few(2-3) facial expressions of your choosing $2.75

-Two sided plus feral (only animal customs) and a few(2-3) facial expressions of your choosing $2.75

-One sided plus alternative form and a set of clothes of your choosing $1.50

-Two sided plus alternative form and a set of clothes of your choosing $1.50

-One sided plus feral (only animal customs) and a set of clothes of your choosing $1.75

-Two sided plus feral (only animal customs) and a set of clothes of your choosing $1.75

-One sided plus alternative form and a few(2-3) sets of clothes of your choosing $2

-Two sided plus alternative form and a few(2-3) sets of clothes of your choosing $2

-One sided plus feral (only animal customs) and a few(2-3) sets of clothes of your choosing $2.25

-Two sided plus feral (only animal customs) and a few(2-3) sets of clothes of your choosing $2.25

-One sided plus alternative form of your choosing and favorite object $1.50

-Two sided plus alternative form of your choosing $1.50

-One sided plus feral (only animal customs) and favorite object $1.50

-Two sided plus feral (only animal customs) and favorite object $1.50

-One sided plus alternative form of your choosing and feral (only animal customs) $2

-Two sided plus alternative form of your choosing and feral (only animal customs) $3

-One sided plus alternative form of your choosing, feral (only animal customs) and a few(2-3) facial expressions of your choosing $2.50

-Two sided plus alternative form of your choosing, feral (only animal customs) and a few(2-3) facial expressions of your choosing $3.50

-One sided plus alternative form of your choosing, feral (only animal customs) and a set of clothes of your choosing $2.50

-Two sided plus alternative form of your choosing, feral (only animal customs) and a set of clothes of your choosing $3.50

-One sided plus alternative form of your choosing, feral (only animal customs) and a few(2-3) sets of clothes of your choosing $2.75

-Two sided plus alternative form of your choosing, feral (only animal customs) and a few(2-3) sets of clothes of your choosing $3.75

-One sided plus alternative form of your choosing, feral (only animal customs) and favorite object $2.25

-Two sided plus alternative form of your choosing, feral (only animal customs) and favorite object $3.25

-One sided plus alternative form of your choosing, feral (only animal customs), a few(2-3) facial expressions and a set of clothes of your choosing $2.75

-Two sided plus alternative form of your choosing, feral (only animal customs), a few(2-3) facial expressions and a set of clothes of your choosing $3.75

-One sided plus alternative form of your choosing, feral (only animal customs), a few(2-3) facial expressions and a few sets of clothes of your choosing $2.75

-Two sided plus alternative form of your choosing, feral (only animal customs), a few(2-3) facial expressions and a few sets of clothes of your choosing $3.75

-One sided plus alternative form of your choosing, feral (only animal customs), a few(2-3) facial expressions and favorite object $2.50

-Two sided plus alternative form of your choosing, feral (only animal customs), a few(2-3) facial expressions and favorite object $3.50

-One sided full reference sheet (a few(2-3) facial expressions, a set/few(2-3)sets of clothes, alternative form of your choosing, feral(only animal customs), and favorite object) $4

-Two sided full reference sheet (a few(2-3) facial expressions, a set/few(2-3)sets of clothes, alternative form of your choosing, feral(only animal customs), and favorite object) $5

~Commission order~

Character reference:

Pose:

Background: (simple/semi Complex/none)

Requests:

Shaded: (none/simple/cartoon/semi Complex/complex)

Type: (pixel headshot/pixel half body/pixel waist up/pixel full body/headshot/half body/fullbody/pixel icon/icon)

~Add ons~

Extra character $2.50

Coupled art $1.75 (I love doing coupled art)

Couple icons $2

Accessories $1

Props (ice cream/snow tube/etc) $1.50

Reference sheet: -see above to custom add ons-

~Examples~

[baeddel]

ladyisak

w/ caves of steel in particular, the overpopulated polluted earth is contrasted with the thriving space colonies that have too few people and make humanoid robots en masse so there's also smth more complex going on there than JUST anxiety about Too Many People (plus asimov had a big thing about dragging his Otherness as a russian jew in the USA into his work so there's a bit of commie sympathy going on there i'd say)

ladyisak

and the robots on earth are Obviously Not Human contrasted with the humanlike robots from space and there's def. a metaphor for exploited immigrant labour going on, i think, w/ the anxiety about Robots Taking Are Jobs and you know i'd have to read it again to say something useful here

ladyisak

i think there's also a terror of the slum encroaching on the well-off white western world in general, maybe not in asimov's work (would have to read again to say for certain) but i always got that vibe from stuff about overpopulation, how high-density urban areas like kowloon and shanty towns are

ladyisak

evoked when overpopulation is brought up

ohhhhhh wow yeah thats really interesting... I didn’t know that about Asimov! (In retrospect its probably obvious, but I have no knowledge whatsoever of jewish surnames... I was at one point surprised to learn that my favourite occult writer, Israel Regardie, was jewish. I’m glad I’m a communist, I don’t think I could make it on the right with this impediment) (I’ve hesitated over posting this anecdote for a few minutes because I feel like it’s a bit edgy for my blog, although I have a feeling my overton window is just so far to the left... Alexei Sayle had a bit about how when doing shows to leftist crowds, there was always a pause before the laugh while people worked out whether they objected to the joke or not)

Anyway uh I have nothing meaningful to add but ty for the context, I really gotta read Caves of Steel

[league-of-kiiboy]

Commissions are now open again!

I still can only accept payments through paypal, sorry for any inconvenience!

However, I AM changing the prices!

If you’re interested in these please contact me here on tumblr or email me at derpiskey@gmail.com!

Colored pieces with consistent lineart will be $12! (As shown above ^^)

Adding a simple background is +$2, and adding an additional character is +$5!

Colored pieces with sketchy lineart will be $10!

Adding a background is +$2, and any additional characters are +$3.

NOTE: I AM CLOSING THE PIXEL COMMISSIONS FOR NOW!

Sorry for the inconvenience! ;w;

Simple pixel gifs are $5, and complex pixel gifs are $10, plus +$4 for any additional characters.

And then, there are my beloved finished gifs- My pride and joy, the things that I work the hardest on!

These bois are $20, +$4 for backgrounds, and +$10 for additional characters. (Effects like the snow in the skelebros gif are an extra $5.)

I’m only going to be taking a few of the gif commissions, since they take me a while to do!

I’m able to draw people, chibis, skeletons, animals, furries (though it’s been a while,) other humanoid creatures, and ships, HOWEVER!

I WILL NOT draw NSFW, extremely complicated robots, extreme gore, hate art, or anything that would be considered harmful or upsetting-

I’ve raised some of the prices, however, I hope they aren’t too high! Thank you so much for reading this! ^^

[porkchop-ao3]

RickCon’18: Part 2/3

Part one, Part three

I didn't know what else to do, so I followed the crowd. I allowed myself to get swept up in the sea of bodies, treading on toes and getting mine trodden on too. This area definitely seemed clothing-oriented, as I passed stalls selling t-shirts, accessories, and what seemed to be cosplay outfits. I managed to break off from the current to stop at one of the stalls. I browsed through a display of buttons, each one adorned with Rick or Morty based designs, some simply had their faces, some had little quotes or jokes, most of which flew right over my head. I supposed you had to be a Rick… I picked one up with Rick's face on with the words “wubba lubba dub dub”, whatever the hell that meant, and paid the Morty running the stall for it before attaching it to my t-shirt. I figured I should at least be wearing one piece of merchandise, considering I was at RickCon.

 I continued on through the convention center, being stopped once or twice by different Ricks asking if I'd like to exchange dimension codes. It took me until the third time to realise that this was a form of flirting, not just a polite question. I quickly stopped giving out the number on my wristband willy-nilly and prayed that nothing would come of it later. I figured I'd make the most of the strange day and snapped a few pictures with some of the more unique looking Ricks and Mortys; by the time I'd made it to the food area, my camera was filled with pictures. I had photos with a Rick that appeared to be half lizard, a Rick with two heads (and he'd kindly informed me that it wasn't all he had two of), a Morty holding a bunch of cats and a teenage Rick with an elderly Morty.

 I decided to grab myself a cup of tea and take a moment to sit down. I (literally) bumped into a Rick with a bowl cut and bucked teeth on my way over to the seating area. He apologised profusely, even though it was my fault. After making sure he was okay I asked if I could take a picture with him, to which he bashfully agreed, before I let him get on with his day. He was the first mild mannered Rick I'd met all day, and I wanted a photo for proof of his existence so next time Tailor Rick told me it was just in his nature to be rude, I could rub it in his face.

 Sitting alone at a table with my cup of tea gave me plenty of time to people watch. I still hadn't quite wrapped my head around the place, considering I'd only learned about this crazy multidimensional stuff a mere few days ago. Honestly, I wasn't sure if I even fully believed it, I was just going with the flow and ignoring the urge to pinch myself at every new Rick I set eyes on. One was coming right for me, with bulging muscles and a tank top.

 “Wh-what’s up, hot stuff? Saw you at that your lit- your little fashion show.” He said as he approached, taking a seat opposite me and giving me a charming smile.

 “Oh? I thought I recognised you.” I lied, though only out of politeness and because I didn't know what else to say.

 “Couldn't buy anything, of course. None of it'd fit me, you know? Too- too swole.” He said casually, leaning his elbows on the table in a way that accentuated his biceps. I stared for a while, keeping my expression neutral. “I keep telling the guys that run the con; get uh, get some stuff that runs in men's sizes.” He grinned. I laughed, again, mostly out of politeness.

 “So, you come every year?” I asked, and he nodded.

 “Yeah. I actually run a panel most years. Health related, obviously. This year's is on protein shakes, I came up with a new formula, i-i-it's vodka flavoured so I figured it'd be more popular this year.” He explained, and I raised my brows. So, alcohol abuse really wasn't just a Tailor Rick thing. “You should come along, there's gonna be free samples, special offers, and for you, I'll throw in a couple demonstrations.” He winked.

 “Demonstrations?” I questioned.

 “Exercise. I'll uh, I'll be doing pushups and shit, I gotta show that my shakes actually work. Plus, they'll be edu-educational. There'll be plenty of tips.”

 “Oh…” I chuckled and shook my head. “Do I look like I'm into exercise?” I joked, and Rick looked my body up and down, from what he could see with the table in the way.

 “You look like you've got potential.” He concluded thoughtfully, and I didn't quite know what to make of that.

 “Is this guy bothering you?” A hand came down on the table between us, I trailed my eyes up the sleeve of the lab coat the person was wearing (which I'd quickly realised was a staple piece of most Ricks’ wardrobes) to find a lady looking down at me, raising her brow.

 “Oh, no, it's-” I started.

 “Erica, baby, I didn't think you were coming this year.” Buff Rick exclaimed, gaining an eye roll from this Erica person.

 “I told you I wasn't, I-I-I was hoping I wouldn't bump into you. But uh… here we are.” She sighed.

 “Jesus, you get more and more hostile as you get older.”

 “And you get dumber and dumber, move. Gimme that seat. I need a sit down, my knees are fucked.” She grumbled, and to my surprise she got her way. “All those steroids must really be messing with you, you can barely call yourself a Rick these days.”

 “Steroids? Th-that's bullshit, Erica. I got these babies from hard work, discipline, and All Rick's Protein Juice.” He bragged, flexing his arms.

 “Sure. I'm getting a headache; don't you have a panel to prepare for?” Erica asked dryly. Rick opened his mouth, looking ready to deny it, but paused for a second.

 “Actually, yeah. I-I should probably get on that, huh? Can I count on you to be there?”

 “I don't know, I saw a thing about Mortys writing fanfiction that seemed right up my alley.” Erica replied, her tone dripping with sarcasm.

 “I'll keep my eye out for you, Erica.” He said regardless, pointing at her as he walked backwards away from the table. He gave me a wink before turning around and disappearing into the crowds.

 “Jesus. I-I-I've met a lot of Ricks in my day, and that guy?” She shook her head. “Total idiot.”

 I studied the woman in front of me for a while, trying to figure out who exactly she was. Was she a Rick's sister? Someone cosplaying as a Rick? I wasn't quite sure, and even less sure about how to ask. Luckily, she must've read my confusion in my expression.

 “Smile, sweet cheeks. I-I-I don't like the way you're looking at me.” She teased, pulling something out of her inside pocket. It was a flask. “Yes, I'm a Rick… of sorts. Total sausage fest in here, huh? Nice to see more of the fairer sex showing their faces here.”

 “Oh! Right, yeah, I've passed maybe two or three women since I've been here.” I agreed, once again looking out over the sea of Ricks and Mortys as I had a sip of tea. Erica had a sip of her own drink; by the smell of it, some kind of hard liquor.

 “Most Ricks only bring th-their fuck buddies. Which one are you banging?” She asked. “That bodybuilder guy?” She added, raising her brow.

 “Oh, no! Not him… not any of them.” I admitted, and she laughed.

 “Right, damn it. Thought I might have someone to talk about h-how bad he was.”

 “I'm sorry?”

 “That guy. Muscles. Total fucking Neanderthal in the sack, he-he's like a sex machine and not in a good way. It's like he only knows one rhythm and speed… h-honestly I'm surprised, Ricks are usually better-” she rambled, glancing off past my head as she got absorbed in her descriptions.

 “Alright, I get it.” I interrupted, chuckling.

 “Anyway, h-he's been clingy as hell ever since. I'd stay away, i-if I were you.” She advised, and I shook my head in amusement.

 “Noted.”

 “So, you're not boning any Ricks? That's tough. If you ever wanna taste of what we've got to offer, and uh, forget about what I just said; we don't all suck… I'm happy to pop your Sanchez cherry.” She smirked at me, and I chuckled again, a little embarrassed this time.

 “No, that's okay… Thank you. I'm perfectly happy just, ah, remaining firmly in the acquaintance zone with Ricks.” I said apologetically, offering her a little smile. “I don't know how long I'd be able to keep my sanity, you know? All of this is very overwhelming.” I gestured to the space around us, and she glanced around looking incredulous.

 “Uhh… if you don't mind me asking; you're clearly new to all this. How the fuck did you end up at RickCon if you don't really know any Ricks?” She questioned, leaning forwards on the table interestedly.

 “The Rick from my dimension needed my help with something. He runs a charity auction, selling clothes. I modelled for him.” I explained, and she nodded.

 “Oh right, yeah, the fashion show thing I kept hearing wh-whispers about. I heard Ice Cream Rick got shafted in there by the whole damn room.” She laughed, shaking her head. I frowned, and so she explained. “Ice Cream Rick? Guy in the pink shirt. Uhhh… ponytail, stupid little beard?” She gestured to her chin, and it suddenly clicked.

 “Ohh! I felt so guilty about that! He was saying something to me when it happened… how awkward.” I said, shaking my head and feeling my cheeks warm up.

 “I'm not surprised. Too- too many Rick's think with their dicks. That's golden.” She grinned, then took a peek at her wrist watch. “Anyway, I gotta head off. S-supposed to be meeting Morticia soon, she wants me to go to the humanoid robotics panel, she wants me to build her an anatomically correct android friend.” She said, using air quotes for that last word whilst rolling her eyes. I didn't question her further.

 “It was nice speaking to you, Erica. Uhh, would you mind if we got a photo together?” I asked, holding up my carera with a little smile on my face. She grinned again.

 “Of course not, doll. Bring it in.” She said, holding her arm out towards me. I stood up and she wrapped her arm around my waist as I took our photo.

 “Thank you!” I said, and she waved her hand dismissively.

 “Hey uh, what's your name?” She asked, and I answered without skipping a beat. I found it funny how names just weren't exchanged naturally here, since almost everyone had the same name anyway. “Alright, nice to meet you, (y/n). Maybe we'll bump into each other again?” She said, though looking around at the amount of people here, I doubted we would.

 “Maybe. Enjoy the con!” I replied.

 “You too, sweetie.” She nodded before heading off.

 After she'd gone I realised my tea had almost fallen to an unpleasant temperature, so I quickly drank up the last of it and disposed of my cup in the bin nearby. Again, I found myself with the daunting feeling of not quite knowing what to do with myself. Someone had left a booklet on a table close to me, which I recognised to be the day's itinerary along with a map of the convention center, so I picked it up and had a look through. I wasn't surprised when lot of it went completely over my head;

 Plumbus 101: How to get the best out of yours!

 The Flesh Curtains: Live Performance and Q and A.

 Is Jerry All That Bad? A Debate.

 Lost the Spark? An introduction to sexual cybernetic enhancements. (18+)

 Pocket Morty Battles. Bring your best! (RickCon ‘18 cannot be held liable for loss or damages resulting from Morty battles.) 

 And that wasn't even all of them, the list filled up the whole page. I stuffed the booklet in my back pocket and decided I'd simply walk through the convention until I found something interesting.

 Tbc.

[paulisweeabootrash]

First Impression: Space Dandy

An earlier version of this post was published on Facebook on April 6, 2018.  It was the second of two posts, the other being Please Tell Me! Galko-Chan.

Refreshed and refilled with food and drink, I'm back already for more.

PAUL IS WEEABOO TRASH— DOUBLE DOUBLE EDITION; or,

Paul Reviews Two Things Based on Two Episodes Each (and a Martini)

FULL-ASSED EPISODE 7: Space Dandy (2014)

"Enough with this mass boob hysteria.  It's time to set things right.  It's time to give the ass the respect it deserves!"  So begins the voyage of James T. Kirk— er, I mean Zapp Brannigan— er, no, seriously, I mean SPACE DANDY.  He's a dandy guy.  In space.  Doing space adventures.  With his space crew.  He’s not really a “dandy” per se, since he’s hardly “refined”, but his name is Dandy.

Anyway.

Dandy makes a living as a space Pokémon trainer, by which I mean he wanders the galaxy (mostly at locations of Hooters-parody restaurant chain "Boobies") to kidnap aliens previously unknown to humanity and collect a reward for cataloguing them.  But then an intergalactic war catches up with him.  Or tries to, but he escapes through sheer dumb luck.  In the second episode, they resume their search for new aliens by tracking down the source of legendarily-delicious ramen from another dimension, narrowly escaping one side in the intergalactic war (the Gogol Empire, which is *totally* not Google although they try to use "Galaxy Street View" to find them) in the process.

It's a rambling and fun sci-fi comedy, which you all probably know is a combination of genres I love.  And the fact that Shinichiro Watanabe wrote and directed it is a good sign from the start.  (That's Shinichiro Watanabe of Cowboy Bebop; not to be confused with Shinichi (no "ro") Watanabe, director of Excel Saga, although I wouldn't be surprised to see his name on this either, especially considering that all of the characters die in the first episode.  Oh, was that a spoiler?  Don't worry, they all come back in episode 2 as if nothing happened.)

It seems so far like it's just going to be loosely-connected adventures of Dandy, QT, and Merowmreowreow (a cat-like Betelgeusian who Dandy calls "Meow" because he can't pronounce his name).  As much as that description — a human, a robot, and a Betelgeusian — suggests Arthur, Marvin, and Ford, the dynamic is much more like Zapp Brannigan, Kif, and... Fry, I guess?  QT is the exasperated straight man to Dandy's confident incompetence and success through sheer luck, while Meow so far seems to be a likable slob.  I will definitely keep on with this, and try to get my wife to watch it too*.  The only downside to this show so far is that I still like Futurama more and this makes me want to watch that.

Recommended if you like Futurama (obviously), Bravest Warriors, and/or, of course, Cowboy Bebop, although it's only barely like any of them in specific characterizations or plot points and definitely has its own feel.

-----

W/A/S Scores: 1/5/1

Weeb: Neither sci-fi-comedy nor space opera (as Wikipedia characterizes it) is a Japanese-specific genre, and nothing really left me going "huh?" or thinking other people would.  Honestly, the most Japanese thing I've noticed so far is the idea of ramen being available at actual restaurants instead of just in instant packets, which... well... as tempting as it is to say the Southwest isn't part of the US, it's available here, too.  Or maybe this is because I'm watching the dub, and they've successfully created Americanized jokes that work in context?

Ass: Come on.  Like I said, several scenes take place in a parody of Hooters called Boobies.  What do you think?

Shit: I LOVE THE WAY THIS SHOW LOOKS.  Exaggerated facial expressions!  Flowing movements!  Psychedelic visuals!  Non-humanoid aliens!  Totally absurd starship designs!  Plus, great background music and topical parodies, mainly of social media!  UPDATE ADDED WHEN EDITING THIS FOR TUMBLR REPOST: I’ve watched the first season and there’s like, character development and wild mood differences between episodes and escalating ridiculousness and a second season and aaaaaah this show is really good you guys, go watch it. ----- * Update: now she loves it too.

[iseas-blog]

Walking Battle Robots Guide Tips.

War Robots hilesi

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Adapted from Wired for Battle: The Robotics Revolution as well as Dispute in the 21st Century by P. W. Singer. Robotics will function relentlessly slicing veggies and preparing foods, and never call for the type of break a human line chef calls for. So named because it is set throughout World War I, Battleground 1 brings the series back to its concentrate on warfare after 2015's Battlefield Hardline, which was everything about robbers as well as polices. This experience with Globe Battle Robotic advised me of my disappointment with the Shrapnel comic. The hack device smoothens the process for you while you relax as well as delight in the video game. The Battle of Eustrath is a remake of this game from a brand-new developer formed out of the ashes of Team Darkland, which appears to have gone defunct around 2007 approximately. It flew off of World War II-era U.S. battlewagons that had actually been gotten of mothballs in the 1980s and updated for usage in battering ground targets with their massive sixteen-inch guns. Lots of people ask why there are less rhymes from The second world war, as compared to the First Globe Battle. Therefore, Gears of Battle 4 really feels more active than various other third-person shooters, including its predecessors. Sure, the mechanics are virtually identical to the previous games however with new implementations, vehicles, protection building plus brand-new enemies/weapons and yunona.org you have every little thing you need for a terrific Gears of Battle 4 experience! With the objective of bringing service robotics to help individuals, FRIEND Robotics has actually established several of the globe's most advanced humanoid robotics, the REEM collection. So, I utilized exactly what cover items I could, poking out and also taking adversary robotics down one at a time with explosives and also capacities. The investigates say there are a large variety of feasible professional applications if molecular robots function in researches with computer mice and eventually human scientific tests.

[terato-fuckor]

Slime and shapeshifter!

Shapeshifter- What physical traits do you tend to like in monsters? HOOH BOI tol, beefy monsters are my weakness, w fangs n claws n long tongues (i like masked characters too) im also good w fur,feathers, scales, whatever~ p much as long as theyre somewat humanoid, BIG, and have pointy bits then theres a good chance ill like em ;3

Slime- What kinds of monsters are off-the-table for you, or what monsters squick you out? It takes a LOT to squick me out, but usually body horror/gore based monsters arent attractive to me, plus insect based ones... i find it hard to be attracted to robots as well (there are always exceptions tho like ultron) OH and bestial/feral/non-sentient monsters <:3

[ruffsficstuffplace]

Of Rocks, Romantic Rivalries, and Rune Rangers (Part 4): The Siren’s Song (Part 1)

It was pandemonium in one of Valentino's biggest beachfront districts, Zarkon's troops swarming all around the storefronts and the hotels, civilians, tourists, and military types alike escaping through the streets, or out to sea.

The Armed Forces of Avalon set up barricades and helped evacuate the area, but against the vastly better armed Galra Empire, they could only wait, pray for help to arrive, and hope no one was still trapped inside.

Atop one of the tallest roofs, Haggar's latest Robeast loomed, a bizarre, humanoid creature that looked like a mix of a fish and a human woman, too alien and inelegantly-designed to be Fae.

“That's right, everyone! Run! Run from my super scary troops!” she cried. “This city is under Galra control now and I, Mero, am going to be the one ruling it, okay?!”

Through the psychic link to Galra's headquarters, Zarkon noisily cleared his throat.

Mero groaned. “Okay, alright, fine! Emperor Zarkon is going to be ruling it, but I'm like, gonna be the branch manager or something! So bow down and respect me, peons!”

“Sorry, your highness, but looks like your reign's going to end before it even starts!” Lance cried.

Mero scowled as she noticed six familiar figures standing in the deserted boardwalk. “Ugh!” she cried. “Can't you guys just NOT show up and totally ruin Emperor Zarkon's plans for once?!”

Keith laughed. “Yeah… that's not happening.”

As one, they thrust their hands through the air and raised their runes to the sky, the carved gems glimmering in the afternoon sun.

“Strength of the Suns!” / “Light of the Moons!”

The Rune Rangers' and Allura's bodies glowed with their respective colours, so radiant they blinded and warded off the Galra footsoldiers around them until they exploded in a brilliant shower of light. Now in their armour, they got into their respective poses and cried:

“Defenders of Avalon! Rune Rangers, Celestial Guard!”

Boom.

Multicoloured pillars of smoke erupted from behind them.

Mero groaned. “Are you done?! Have you done your whole bit now, complete with your stupid catchphrases?!”

Their runes transformed into their weapons, and they held them at the ready. In Shiro's case, he socketed it into his prosthetic arm, the magic holding it together now glowing a brilliant crimson and purple.

“Yes,” Shiro replied.

Mero harrumphed. “Good! Minions: ATTACK! And don't suck so much this time!”

The Galra attacked, a horde of swordsmen, riflemen, and hulking brutes with shields and maces.

Shiro held thrust out his prosthetic arm. “Keith, Allura, Pidge, with me: we're cutting a path to the Robeast!”

“My name is Mero, you doucheschnozzles!”

Shiro ignored her. “Lance, Hunk: fire support! Focus on the shooters!

“Celestial Guard: CHARGE!”

The Rune Rangers and the Galra Forces clashed, the air ringing with the sounds of gunfire and violence as the robotic minions were slashed to pieces, crushed to bits, or left staring at the new holes in their bodies before they collapsed, inactive.

“This is way too easy!” Keith cried as he blocked a Galra trooper's mace with his shield. “You guys having an off-day?!” he cried as he retaliated with an upwards slash across its chest.

Shiro thrust his prosthetic arm into the trooper's chest before the metal could mend itself. “Don't tempt fate! It never ends well!” he cried as he ripped out its power core, then threw it at the minions further up.

Boom.

Mero shielded her eyes with a webbed fin-hand as a good chunk of her forces were wiped out or severely damaged. “Too late, Rune Jerkbags!” she cried as she lowered her arm. “Behold: my super awesome secret weapon!” she proudly raised her head and breathe in deep.

Pidge shocked a swordsman with her katar, Allura smashed its head in with her staff while it was defenseless. The two of them plus Shiro turned to Keith, opened the visors of their helmets, and glared at him.

Keith raised his hand and sword in apology. “Sorry.”

Mero let out a powerful, ear-piercing screech, waves of magic erupting from her body and spreading all around the beach. The Rune Rangers all fell to their knees and clutched their heads, her “song” ringing in their heads, getting even more agonizing and out-of tune as it went on.

Not even her own troops were immune, all of them spitting out error messages and jerking around as their auditory sensors were overloaded.

Then, it stopped, and faded away into nothing.

The Rune Rangers groaned and shook their heads; they looked around, saw the Galra troopers still stunned and recovering.

“Hah!” Lance said as he held up his rifle. “Is that your 'super awesome secret weapon'? A stun wave that affects your own guys? Lame!”

“Hmph!” Mero crossed her arms. “Look again, doucheschnozzle, because I turned one of you to my side!”

The Rangers frantically looked around, until they saw Pidge still on her knees.

Lance sighed in relief, and lowered his gun. “Oh, great! It's just Pidge—I was worried for a moment there!”

Pidge got up, turned around, and shot her grappling hook onto Lance's chest.

By the time he realized what had happened, she was already zipping towards him.

Pidge crashed into Lance's chest feet first, knocking him flat on his back. He tried to grab her and throw her off, she was already plunging her katar into him.

Lance screamed as hundreds of volts of electricity were pumped into his body.

“HUNK!” Shiro cried as he, Keith, and Allura fended off the fully-recovered Galra. “GET HER OFF!”

Hunk yelped and aimed his cannon at Pidge.

She snapped her face to him, opened her visor and showed him her amber eyes, now glowing an ominous shade of purple.

“HUNK!”

Hunk whimpered, then clumsily swung his cannon at Pidge.

She jumped up, easily dodging his attack; she launched off him, and back into the fray with the others.

Hunk staggered back in surprise. He watched her somersaulting and scampering between the Galra's legs and the space in between them, the troopers ignoring her completely as she crept up behind Allura, Shiro, and Keith.

“GUYS! BEHIND YOU!” he cried as he aimed his cannon at the Galra.

Keith slashed a trooper in front of him, destroying it. He turned around, just in time to see Pidge crouching in front of him, before she sprang up and slashed a line up his chest.

“AGH!”

Pidge somersaulted through the air and behind them, Allura and Shiro stared in horror as the Galra quickly swarmed in front of her to protect her.

“Retreat!” Shiro cried as he and Allura carried Keith between them as they ran back.

Hunk covered their escape, Lance lay on the ground, unmoving.

Up on the roof, Mero stared. “Oh, wow… this is like, going way better than I expected it to...”

“Indeed...” Haggar hummed through the psychic link. “To turn the Emerald Ranger against her comrades was a move even I did not think of! Perhaps I should base all my future Robeasts off you, to ensure power and cunning...”

Mero looked nervous. “Okay, so like... before you go poking into my brain, and stuff, I just choose the green one like, at random? I didn't know this was all going to happen, you know…?”

Haggar sighed heavily. “Of course...”

“Shiro!” Hunk cried as they stood around Lance. “What do we do?”

Shiro gritted his teeth. “Let me think...”

“Minions!” Pidge cried as she raised her arm. “Attack the blue one! Finish him off, then get the rest! I don't care how many of you fall, just do it!”

The Galra Troopers all looked at each other in confusion, before they shrugged, and attacked.

“Hey!” Mero cried. “I'm the one in charge here!”

Pidge opened her visor to glare at her. “Oh, I'm sorry: do you want to actually win this fight or no?!”

Mero reeled. “… Gosh, no need to be a bitch about it!” she turned to the Galra. “Minions! Do what she says, I guess...!”

The rangers stared at the incoming swarm in horror, before they raised their weapons.

Hunk began to take potshots at the swarming Galra. “Shiro...?! What do we do?!”

“Keith: get Lance somewhere safe! Hunk: fend off those Galra! Allura, with me: we're taking out Mero and getting Pidge back!

“GO!”

Keith threw Lance over his shoulder and ran into the nearby streets, Allura and Shiro charged straight into the horde.

Some of the Galra slowed down, preparing to engage them.

“Keep going!” Pidge cried. “Ignore them: get the Blue one! We may lose this battle, but watch them crumble when one of them dies!”

“Sweet Shepherd, Pidge!” Keith cried as he laid Lance against the side of a building. “Who's side are you on?!”

“Not yours!” she shouted back through their helmets.

Lance groaned in pain.

Keith's eyes widened as he knelt down beside him, grabbed him by the shoulders. "Lance? Lance!" he cried as he shook him. "Don't die on me now, man, we're going to make it through this like we always do!"

Lance coughed. "Pidge... get Pidge...! I need Pidge!"

"Uh, newsflash for ya: she's still brainwashed and crazy! She's the one that stabbed you, for fuck's sake!"

"I know. I want her to stab me again."

Keith groaned and dropped Lance.

“Ow! Come on, man, I'm dying over here!”

“Well bleed out with your head down!” Keith said as he turned around and readied his sword—the swarms of Galra had gotten too close for Hunk's comfort, and he was now running as fast as he could to them.

Meanwhile, Shiro and Allura raised their suits' grappling hooks to the rooftop Mero was standing on. They were about to fire, when an EMP exploded and shorted out their gear. They turned their heads to Pidge, standing nearby with her finger still on the “gadget-panel” of her gauntlet.

They couldn't see her smug smirk for the designs of their helmets, but they could just tell.

They readied their weapons.

“Stand down, Pidge!” Shiro called out. “We don't want to hurt you!”

Pidge laughed. “Oh, I know—which is why you're all going to lose,” she growled as she crouched low, her dagger held at the ready.

Allura stepped forward. “I'll handle her—your reflexes may be good for a human, but you're no match for a Fae, however skilled.”

Shiro nodded, and looked up at Mero. “Guess I'm going up the old-fashioned way…!” he cried as he charged into the nearest building, breaking through the doors and running towards the nearest set of stairs.

Pidge turned around and tried to fire her grappling hook at his leg, before her ears twitched. She ducked just as Allura's staff came swinging past her head. She retaliated with a dagger thrust, one Allura just barely dodged herself.

“Snap out of it, Pidge!” Allura cried as they began to fight, dodging and dancing around each other, their attacks just barely missing one another. “I really don't want to hurt you!”

Pidge jumped back, somersaulting through the air and landing on all fours. “Good, because that works out great for me!” she yelled as she pounced.

From above, Mero watched as Allura barely blocked Pidge with her staff, former staggering back as she tried to stab and slash her with her dagger. “Uh… like, do you need any help or something...?”

“I'VE GOT THIS!” Pidge yelled.

“Are you sure?” Mero asked. “It kinda looks like you're losing down there, and those guys at the back are having a really hard time!”

“JUST SHUT UP, AND LET ME DO MY THING!”

Mero gasped, before she scowled. “Rude! Who does that little twerp think she is?”

“Someone vastly more effective than you have been so far...” Haggar hummed.

Mero gasped in offense. “Excuse me? Whose side are you on?!”

“Whoever is the strongest and most cunning...” Haggar replied, watching the duel between Pidge and Allura with interest.

Inside the building, Shiro pounded up the stairs, taking them two steps at a time before he burst through a door leading out to the roof. He looked around, cried in frustration as he realized he had ended up behind and several stories below Mero.

Then, his suit's gadgets hummed back to life. He grinned as he fired his grappling hook to just below the roof Mero was on and began to rocket up towards her.

In the back-lines, the other rangers were backed into a corner, Keith desperately holding his shield up to block a constant rain of blows and bullets, while Lance and Hunk blindly fired into the swarm—wherever they pointed, they were going to hit a Galra.

“Guys, we've got Pidge back, right?!” Keith cried. “'Cause we're not going to last much longer back here!”

“I'm afraid”--Allura ducked--”that she's going to have to”--she somersaulted backwards, avoiding a furious series of slashes from Pidge--”sit this one out!”

She swung for Pidge's head, one end of her staff connecting with her helmet.

Crack!

Pidge flew off, flying off to the side and into a bench. The wood broke apart on impact, Pidge lay in the wreckage, groaning in pain.

Allura stared in horror. “PIDGE!” she cried as she rushed over to her. “Oh Eluna, are you alright?!”

Pidge groaned and slowly raised her head. “Ugh…! What happened…?” she muttered.

“You were under the spell of that horrid wench Mero,” Allura replied as she grabbed her hand and pulled her up. “Thankfully, I seem to have knocked you out of it!”

Pidge's visor opened, revealing glimmering purple eyes. “Actually: you didn't.”

Faster than Allura could react, she thrust her dagger into her chest.

At the same time, Shiro tackled Mero from behind, wrapping his arms around her as they flew off the roof and headed straight for the ground.

Allura collapsed, twitching as stray sparks fell from Pidge's dagger.

She chuckled as she stepped around her. “Too easy...” she hummed as she looked at the concentration of Galra in the distance.

Her ears twitched as she heard something very large falling through the air, very fast.

Pidge looked up, her eyes widening as she just barely avoided getting crushed by Mero and Shiro.

Thud.

Mero's impact broke the pavement and the mind control.

Pidge blinked, her eyes growing wide in horror as everything that had just happened came flashing through her mind. She looked at Shiro, pushing himself up from Mero, at Allura, writhing on the floor, then back at the swarms of Galra overwhelming the others.

She rushed back to Allura, picked her up and held her dagger to her neck. “MINIONS! RANGERS! EVERYONE! STOP!”

Keith's shield broke, bullets and strikes struck him unimpeded. He was about to slash with his sword for his final stand, when Pidge's face with her now-normal eyes showed up inside all the rangers' helmets, invisible to the enemy.

Confused, the Galra Troopers stopped attacking, though they didn't let their guard down, still aiming their guns at the others and holding their melee weapons at the ready.

“I suggest you rangers surrender now,” Pidge growled. “I'm sure we can all see that you've lost this battle, and all that you can really change is how quick and painless you want your deaths to be.”

Mero threw Shiro off of her, and brushed off stray bits of cracked concrete off her body. “Alright, go Green Girl!”

“Shut up! Gah, I can feel my brain cells dying every time you open your mouth!”

Mero scowled and crossed her arms. “Hmph!”

“Minions: bring the other rangers back to me. I want them all to see each other one last time, before I end them.”

“Do it...” Allura muttered, feigning hopelessness.

“And make it quick, minions!” Mero added. “We've got a LOT of things to do when I take over this city!”

Haggar frowned. “Something's up.”

“No worries, Boss, I got this!” Mero said.

Haggar was about to speak up, before Zarkon stopped her. “Let her be...” he hummed.

The Galra minions marched Keith and Hunk back to Pidge at gunpoint, while Lance was unceremoniously thrown over the shoulder of one of the giants.

“Agh! Hey! I'm pretty sure I've got cracked ribs or something here, be more gentle, will you?!”

The Galra ignored him.

Soon, the Rangers were all pilled up by Pidge's feet, their heads hung in defeat and their weapons laying abandoned on the ground.

“So like, this is it, right?” Mero asked. “We win and I get to totally take over this city?”

“Oh, Valentino's going to be part of the Galra Empire alright—just not with you ruling over it,” Pidge replied calmly.

Mero grinned, before she realized just what she had said. “Wait, what…?” she asked, her face falling. “You're on my side, aren't you? I mean hello, we're all Galra here!”

“Not anymore you're not...” Pidge muttered as she raised her hand. “Minions! Prepare to get rid of this sorry excuse for a Robeast!”

Mero looked at her in disbelief, before she stared in horror at the Galra troops aiming their guns at her, coming in closer with their weapons at the ready. “Boss? Lady Haggar?! Emperor Zarkon! You're not going to let her do this, are you?!”

Haggar huffed. “You've 'got this,' don't you…?”

Mero's eyes widened as the Galra formed a circle around her.

Pidge stepped back closer to the others. “Before you all fire and destroy Mero over there, I'd just like to say:

“Thanks for falling into my trap!”

Pidge blasted out a wave of healing energy, bringing all the rangers back up to their feet.

The Galra and Mero couldn't see her smug grin, but they could just tell.

[jwslw]

A random Encounter for your players

A Short high level encounter based on an old Marvel Comics story  (Tales to Astonish #46 August, 1963)

A typical A-Chiltarian Scouting Party (EL15)

If the A-Chiltarian people become interested in conquering a planet, they will dispatch a Scouting party to observe the planet. A typical scouting party will include 6 Scouts to maintain equipment and do most of the grunt work, 2 Warriors to provide security and do most of the heavy lifting a captain to keep the unit on mission, and a Reaper combat Robot (Futuretech pg90).  For transport the party will have either a Scout class Ultralight (d20 Future pgs 121-122) or 1d4 Courier class Ultralights (d20 Future pgs 119-120), but, these most likely won't be used during the encounter.

A-Chiltarian Scout CR6. Medium Monstrous Humanoid Smart Hero3/Engineer3. HD: 6d6+6. HP29. Mas. Init:-1. Spd 20ft (base 30). Defense:20, Touch11, FF20(-1dex,+2Class,+9Equip). Bab+3. Grapl+5. Atk:/Full Atk:+5melee(1d8+3/x3 Battle Axe) or +2ranged (2d8 RI; 40ft Laser Pistol or Special RI; 10ft Tangler Grenade). FS:5ftx5ft. R:5ft. SQ: Darkvision 60ft, Extreme Natural Biome, Improve Kit, Latent Psychic Potential Monstrous Humanoid Traits, Quickcraft, Superior Repair. AL: Clan. Sv Frt+4, Ref+2, Wil+4. AP: 6. Rep+2. Str15, Dex8, Con13, Int10 Wis12, Cha8.

Occupation: Rural (Survival, Swim)

Skills: Computer Use+8, Craft (Electronic and Mechanical)+11, Craft (Structural)+6,Demolitions+6, Disable Device+6, Drive+5, Knowledge (Technology)+6, Pilot+5, Read/Write/Speak (Chiltarian), Repair+6, Search+2, Survival+6, Swim+0 (Includes armor penalty)

Feats: Aircraft Operation (Spacecraft), Archaic Weapons Proficiency, Armor Proficiency (Light, Medium, Heavy), Builder (Electronic and Mechanical), Gear Head, Personal Firearms Proficiency, Simple Weapons Proficiency

Talents: Savant (Craft [Electronic and Mechanical])

Power Points: 2

Possessions: Laser Pistol w/3 Power cells (3lb), Battle Axe (7lb), 1d4 Tangler Grenades (1lb each), Environmentally Sealed Force Entry Unit Armor (20lb), Deluxe Electrical Tool Kit (33lb), Deluxe Mechanical Tool kit (45lb), Lap-top (5lb), Professional Walkie-Talkie (1lb), various gear and personal possessions

A-Chiltarian Warrior CR12. Medium Monstrous Humanoid (large for calculating carrying capacity) Tough Hero4/Helix Warrior4/Dreadnaught4 HD:8d10+24 plus 4d12+12. HP110. Mas18. Init:-1. Spd 20ft (base 30). Defense:24, Touch15, FF24 (-1dex,+6Class,+9Equip). Bab+10. Grapl+12. Atk:+12melee(1d6+2 Hatchet) or +9ranged (1d6+2, RI; 10ft hatchet or special, RI; 10ft Tangler Grenade). Full Atk:+5/+0/+5melee(1d6+2 nonlethal 2 slams) or +9/+4ranged (2d8 RI; 60ft, charge Pistol) or +5/+0 (charge Pistol Auto-fire). FS:5ftx5ft. R:5ft. SQ: Ability Surge 1/day, Darkvision 60ft, Extreme Natural Biome, Fearless, Haul, Latent Psychic Potential, Light Sleeper, Master Defender,  Monstrous Humanoid Traits, Stability, Steam Roller, Strong as an Ox, Survivor, Unhindered. AL: Clan. Sv Frt+9, Ref+2, Wil+5. AP12. Rep+3. Str15 (19 for calculating carrying capacity), Dex8, Con16, Int10 Wis11, Cha8.

Occupation: Military (Navigate, Pilot)

Skills: Craft (Electronic)+2, Craft (Mechanical)+2, Computer Use+2, Intimidate+5, Knowledge (Tactics)+3, Listen+4, Pilot+1, Read/Write/Speak (Chiltarian), Spot+4

Feats: Archaic Weapons Proficiency, Armor Proficiency (Light, Medium, Heavy), Brawl, Endurance, Improved Damage Threshold, Personal Firearms Proficiency, Simple Weapons Proficiency, Starship Gunnery or Starship Operation (any One)

Talents: Remain Conscious, Second Wind

Power Points: 2

Possessions: Charge Pistol w/3x 30 round magazines (2lb), 1d4+1 hatchets, 1d4 Tangler Grenades (1lb each), Environmentally Sealed Force Entry Unit Armor (20lb), Professional Walkie-Talkie (1lb),various gear and personal possessions

A-Chiltarian Captain CR15. Medium Monstrous Humanoid Strong Hero3/Field Officer 10/Glamourist 2. HD:13d8+13 plus 2d6+2. HP84. Mas13. Init:-1. Spd 20ft (base 30). Defense:26, Touch17, FF26(-1dex,+8Class,+9Equip). Bab+14. Grapl+16. Atk:+14melee(1d8+2/19-20 Saber) or +14ranged (Special RI; 10ft Tangler grenade). Full Atk:+16/+11/+6melee(1d8+2/19-20 Saber) or +9/+4/-1ranged (2d10 RI; 100ft M-60 machine gun auto-fire). FS:5ftx5ft. R:5ft. SQ: Action Trust, August Leadership, Commanding Presence, Darkvision 60ft, Extreme Natural Biome, Hidden Motive, Latent Psychic Potential, Leadership, Monstrous Humanoid Traits, Self-Confidence, Tactical Expertise, Tactical Mastery, Uncanny Survival. AL:.Sv Frt+6, Ref+6,Wil+8. AP:15. Rep+4. Str15, Dex8, Con13, Int10 Wis11, Cha11.

Occupation: Novitiate (Concentration, Diplomacy, and Sense Motive)

Skills: Bluff+6, Computer Use+5, Diplomacy+6, Disguise+4, Forgery+4, Intimidate+13, Knowledge (Tactics)+6, Listen+2, Pilot+4, Read/write/Speak (Chiltarian),Sense Motive+6, Spot+6.

Feats: Alertness, Archaic Weapons Proficiency, Armor Proficiency (Light Medium Heavy), Divine Heritage, Improved Initiative, Personal Firearms Proficiency, Power Attack, Simple Weapons Proficiency, Starship Gunnery, Starship Operation (any one), Wild Talent

Talents: Ignore Hardness, Melee Smash

Power Points: 2

Spells and Psionics: 3/day; Missive1/day; Cure Minor Wounds, Inflict Minor Wounds, Light  

Possessions: Saber (4lb), M-60 machine gun w/300 rounds of ammo (22lb), 1d4 Tangler grenades (1lb each), Environmentally Sealed Force Entry Unit Armor (20lb), lap top (5lb), Professional Walkie-Talkie (1lb), various gear and personal possessions.

A-Chiltarian

Species Traits

Ability Modifiers: +4Str, -2Dex, +2 Con, -2Cha, life on A-Chiltar III has gifted the A-Chiltarians with great physical strength and endurance at the cost of reduced mobility, and many creatures find their bestial appearance off-putting.  

Creature Type: A-Chiltarians are considered Monstrous Humanoids.

Size: Medium,  A-Chiltarians receive no size based bonuses or penalties

Darkvision (Ex): A-Chiltarians have Darkvision out to a range of 60ft

Base Land Speed: 30ft.

Bonus Feats: A-Chiltarians receive Archaic Weapons proficiency as a bonus feat.

Skills: Their compound eyes grant A-Chiltarians a +4Species bonus to spot checks

Extreme Natural Biome (Ex): A-Chiltar III is a harsh world with roughly 1.5x the gravity of earth and a methane heavy atmosphere nearly 3 times as dense as earth's.   A-Chiltarians must normally wear sealed environmental suits when operating on most planets, but, some seem to be able to  adapt themselves to milder conditions

Latent Psychic Potential (Su): While most A-Chiltarians don't properly develop it, all members of the species have a small amount of psionic power, allowing them to operate psy-tech gear and increasing their Power Points per day by 2.

Starting Languages: All  A-Chiltarians begin play with the ability to Read/write and Speak (Chiltarian) at GM's descretion the  A-Chiltarian character's tribe may also have their own languages.

Level Adjustment:.

Base Progress Level: Debatable +1 or -1 compared to base line humans(see note below)

The controversy of A-Chiltarian Technology: A-Chiltarians possess Sub-light spaceships, the ability to build massive remote controlled robots, brainwave based technology that can be used to control said robots or read the minds of other species to obtain useful information, and environmentally sealed combat suits, but, are otherwise claimed to lag behind humans technologically.  On the other hand, between people like Tony Stark or Doctor Doom and nations like Wakanda, it could easily be argued that Marvel Earth would be considered in the early to middle stages of Progress Level 6 by d20 Modern's reckoning.