#possibly too much to hope for

[cesium-sheep]

I've always bounced back so quickly as soon as I get even the slightest bit of breathing room. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that it seems to be happening again.

I was talking to matt earlier and like. I'd be happy at 50%, that's an entirely acceptable long-term quality of life for me. (I've been below 5% all year.) but I suppose I don't have to limit myself to only 50% if I'm responding so well that it seems I might get further without significant additional cost (personal or financial).

[floccinaucinihilipilificationa]

[verflares]

(draconifies your zelink) oh whoops lol

+ an extra pic of em hanging out together :]

[deuynndoodles]

[ID: A colored, digital two page comic featuring Danny and Jazz from Danny Phantom. Danny wears a baggy hoodie over a shirt and jeans. Jazz wears a v-neck sweater and shorts.

Fentonworks, after curfew: Danny reaches for the doorknob to his bedroom, breathing out and gripping his shoulder.

"Where were you?" says Jazz, hands on her hips, making Danny jump. "Look, I know that Mom and Dad don't really care, but I do. You can trust me." She looks sad. "What's going on with you?"

"None of your business, Jazz." He looks irritated. He reaches for the doorknob again, muttering, "Just lemme sleep."

"Wait!" is written in all caps. Jazz reaches out, pulling at the hood of his jacket. Danny turns and raises his arm out of his hoodie, revealing an ectoplasmic injury. "Fuck off!" he yells.

Jazz pulls her hand away, startling backwards. Then, she looks sad as she says, "Oh, Danny…"

Fade out. They now stand in the Fentonworks bathroom, with Danny sitting on the toilet and Jazz hovering over him, cleaning a wound on his left shoulder. He's now in a binder and the original ectoplasmic wound has been treated. She scolds him and he grins nervously, curling in on himself. End ID.]

happy holidays @torscrawls !

[turtleblogatlast]

[ cw: violence mention / death mention / ]

Will never stop thinking about how Leo, all alone in an endless void and being beaten again and again and again by the only other living thing around, still finds comfort in that space. The situation he was in was completely hopeless, and in any other circumstances he would not have escaped, at least not fast enough to save him from permanent (or even fatal) damage, be it physical or mental.

And yet, despite the bleakness of his situation, despite the agony and helplessness, all he needs is one glance at a crumbled photograph, one glance to remember his family, and that’s enough of a reason for him to smile.

Maybe that’s why his powers center around manipulating space - because no matter how much space is between them, no matter how dire his own situation may be, just the thought of his family, alive and okay, is enough to give Leo hope.

[chirpsythismorning]

Fun fact: In the original pitch for Stranger Things, El had a little brother.

After being rejected by almost 20 studios for the Montauk pilot, the Duffers were finally green-lit by Netflix. It was at this time that they began casting and then writing the first season officially, which included reworking a lot of that first episode.

This led to the removal of the brother reference, and with it, removing any sort of arc El could have had about her apparent brother.

But the thing about this moment, is that it might not have been scrapped entirely...

Going into the final season, no one can explain why or how El recognized Will back in 1x02. And while there are plenty of things on the show that are left unexplained, with a small portion likely left that way with the intention to uncover it later, what sets this moment apart from the rest is that there are very few possibilities here.

Because for starters, the story presents El's ability to see people in the void in s1 as requiring either a picture of that person for reference, or having met that person before.

But when El see's this picture of Will, she's never met him before. Or maybe she has, but we wouldn't know because they never showed us. They could have just not done this scene at all, given that it's clearly a copy/paste/edit of something scrapped from the pitch. Or they could have even still included it, but explained it.

One explanation could be that the lab had shown El a picture of Will before, similar to what they did with the Russian agent they wanted to spy on. But then that begs to question, why would the lab show El a picture of Will? Why would they want to see what he was doing? That alone is incriminating in and of itself, implying that Will is more connected to the lab than we realize.

The only other, and frankly most likely explanation, would be that El stumbled across Will at some point on her journey between escaping the lab and Will going missing. This is actually something that happens in The Other Side comic, which explores all the things Will may have experienced during his time in the Upside Down.

Though it’s worth noting the comics aren’t technically canon, and I highly doubt they would outright spoil everything in relation to Will’s time there, years before it was intended to be revealed. But still, let's humor this for a moment given that I do think Will's time in the UD is going to be very relevant in s5, which means it's highly likely they will finally address how exactly El saw him.

Basically, in the comic, Will see’s El walking through the woods, almost apparition like, glowing as she passes by, while also sporting the Benny’s burgers shirt. This means they would have crossed passed within a short span of time, between when El escaped Benny’s when the agents arrived, but before she was found by the boys.

Though it’s worth noting that we’re seeing this all from Will’s perspective. This means from the UD, Will was capable of seeing El on the other side, despite them being on different sides. And not only that, but she also looks back at him.

What confuses me about this, is that it doesn’t make sense for El to be in the woods, only to randomly decide to pop in to the void for a moment. She was trying to escape the lab and everything that came with it. I doubt she had any desire to lurk back there for some reason, not until someone encouraged her to. Not to mention, it would make no sense for her to go there and see Will if she wasn't even looking for him in the first place. And so this would mean Will and El could see each other, with Will being in the UD, and El being on the other side.

While it does seem pretty far off, given that you would think Will and El wouldn't be able to see each other from different sides, it is true in the story that El not only recognizes Will, but knows that he is in danger. She mentions that he is hiding specifically.

Which means she has likely seen him within the last 24 hours regardless.

This, in combination with Will being able to respond to El in the void at the end of the season in Castle Byers, when no one else outside of Terry and flayed-Billy have been able to, seems to imply that there is indeed something special about Will that makes him capable of communicating with El from the UD. Not only that, but El also seems to have an ability to be in this constant knowing state of how Will is doing, without even checking again to confirm. She's just certain of it. And she seems terrified about it.

Going forward, El never uses a picture of Will to find him. She never did. And more often than not, they don’t show us what she see’s either, not until the very end. And that’s the moment they reveal that he was able to communicate with her.

Again, there was really no reason to have El recognize Will. If anything it complicates things. But the fact that they chose to introduce this concept, with a scene from the original pitch that was related to El’s younger brother, with her pointing at his name cryptically, startling Benny, only to revamp it and have El not say anything at all while pointing at the picture of Will, startling Mike… It just really makes you stop and think.

Which brings me to the other aspect of this that might have people doubting, which is that El’s brother was originally younger than her.

We know Will is not younger than El, so how could this apply to him?

Well, it might be helpful to consider that in the original script, El was actually 10 years old, while the boys were always 12. Meaning that for some reason, they decided to age her up to the age of the boys, aka the same age as Will…

Ever since @erikiara80 shared this brother discovery with me, I have been sort of reeling. It then led to other little discoveries of changes they made between Montauk and Stranger Things.

It’s important to understand that the Montauk bible and the original script precedes what we ended up with in the final product, with it finally changing and evolving months, maybe even a year since that original vision. Even casting occurred before writing started for the first season. We know this because casting announcements were made in June and August of 2015, with writing not starting until August going into early 2016, simultaneously while they were filming.

And believe it or not, what I've discovered is that a lot of the changes they made between their original plans and what we see in the final product, have to do with not only Willel, but also Byler.

If you've read the original script for Montauk, you'll know that Mike's crush on Jennifer Hayes was focused on right from the jump, along with the birthmark on his face being focused on, which was the main cause of the bullying he experienced.

This has actually been talked about recently, and some of the claims people make do fit with what I am genuinely starting to consider here, which is that the initial plan for what makes Mike an outcast shifted.

I think when they completed casting, and started actually deep diving into what they wanted this world to look like, both from a short-term and long-term standpoint, they were presented with some pretty interesting discoveries, arguably already hiding in their initial plans without realizing it.

And this is where it sort of becomes a 'chicken or the egg' situation. Because which one came first? Byler or Willel?

I can't say for certain, because obviously this is all just speculation. But in the case that Willel came first, I think Byler would come very naturally after that.

The Duffers themselves are twins. Then they hire Noah, who is a twin. Then they're thinking and planning for El's past and how her family all fits into this, and they're thinking... wait a damn minute... We could totally Star Wars this bitch!

And then when they think it couldn't get any better, they uncover another layer that they hadn't planned or really considered in their initial plans.

While Will was always going to have sexual identity issues according to the Montauk bible, meaning that the writing process for him likely involved sitting down imagining scenarios that encapsulated this arc for Will from the beginning, they were simultaneously now finding very interesting aspects of Mike's character that made it hard not to at least consider the possiblity that Mike is not exactly straight.

Just think about it. The Byers and Wheelers are basically polar opposites on the spectrum of what a family looks like. While Will's discovery and acceptance of his queerness is interesting to explore because he comes from a low-income, single-mom household, all while having been bullied for years based on his perceived queerness, he also has a mother and brother constantly reinforcing that they will accept him no matter what. They've been sort of hitting us over the head with it for years, and so it wouldn't be very satisfying for his entire arc to merely lead up to something we've known all along. It's pretty much a given at this point.

On the other side of the spectrum, Mike comes from a more upper-middle class family at the end of a cul-de-sac, more aligned with what a nuclear family looks like. Mike's family is also presented as being more conservative, and while Karen does give that very queer-coded speech to Mike in s1 (I'm convinced they only wrote this after deciding to explore queer-coding more heavily with Mike), it also comes with comments from Ted and even still Karen that hint that they are probably not as open-minded and accepting as Will's family is to him. Which means Mike's arc would be a lot more about acceptance around him from his loved ones who we have been led to believe might not be as accepting of his queerness in contrast to Will.

And so as they're putting this story together, and they're being presented with something very interesting. Two similar experiences that play out in different ways because of the characters circumstances.

Will goes missing, and his twin sister with a buzzcut pops up and has the ability to help them find Will.

This leads to several moments where El is being compared to as not only a boy, but Will as well.

Now suddenly, their initial plans to have Mike's arc be about having a girl be interested in him and to hopefully have his first kiss and feel like less of a loser, starts to look a lot like what the experience a queer kid in his position might encounter growing up in the environment that he did.

And if you don't want to take my word for it, just hear the Duffer's themselves hinting at what they initially planned for Mike and the fact that it changed.

The changes don't stop there.

Believe it or not, 'It was a seven', did not exist in the initial pitch. When the boys went outside bickering over Nancy, they leave right after that.

Another thing that changed from the first script, was Scott Clarke's introduction:

And so you might be thinking, who cares? What does that have to do with anything?

Well, it's interesting because the line we end up with on the show is arguably one of the most on the nose Twelvegate proofs to date. Mind you, this is from the first episode:

Why chuck the original version, which was arguably more interesting and fascinating in terms of it hinting at the mysteriousness surrounding this story, only to replace it with him listing off tips about their upcoming test?

Well, I think it's the irony of it all. Here Mr. Clarke is practically telling us where to look to figure stuff out for ourselves what is going on, with all the kids filing out and ignoring him...

I relate to Scott a litttle too much in this shot here, any time I try to drop Willel evidence.

And the changes go on, as they obviously would.

Things like Terry Ives not even being El's mom, but actually a man who more so aligns with the characterization of Murray.

And one very interesting one I almost overlooked was in Hopper's introduction, where instead of a kids drawing done by who we assume to be Sarah, we actually see a picture on the wall of him and his wife and daughter... Interesting that they decided to switch it something that is a lot less definitive in presenting what Hopper's past looked like...

If you've made it this far, congratulations.

If you still think I'm out of my mind, just remember that El was going to have a brother in the original script, but they scrapped the scene and gave a near identical one to introduce her connection to Will instead 😘

[fangswbenefits]

just a few random thoughts on The Arrangement Astarion (cw: mentions of past abuse and trauma)

The way abuse can warp someone for life is often overlooked. This isn't just a journey about him dealing with intimacy (in all its forms) but also how to do it in spite of everything he went through. Putting up walls and not letting her in, but feeling the need to resort to sarcasm and to being snarky cause the vulnerability that comes with it is just too much to handle. She has already seen the ugly yet he keeps doing it, because when you've doing it for so long it becomes second nature and it's hard to unlearn this behaviour. How can people stay when they've seen the ugly? Well, some people do stay because they have seen the ugly and their love for you surpasses that. They'd ve damned if they allowed that to change their opinion of you.

However, this doesn't have be a life sentence for him. He can learn and better himself alongside her if he so chooses. There will be good days. There will be bad days. But the constant will be her by his side. And this isn't about anyone getting fixed. There are other ways to heal. Are those healthy, though? But still, no matter how uncertain things are, he can count on her love as a constant that can help him love the parts of him that he has grown to hate.

Is it easy? Does it happen overnight? Probably not. But there's always hope. There is always a way out. Even when he dissociates. Even when he's fearful of getting more intimate with her. Even when he remembers that she chose friendship over something else - it's never easy to be shown what you need to see instead of what you want to see. Astarion falls into this constant dichotomy and I think it's worth exploring 🫂

[sherbetyy]

guys genuinely i’m both excited and terrified the dhmis pilot will be shown in full again because . first off, never before seen (by me) content, and we don’t get that a lot in the dhmis fandom. possibly new characters, dialogue, etc!! second, THE CREATORS DONT EVEN LIKE IT AND HID IT FROM THE PUBLIC AFTER IT WAS SEEN ONCE WHAT IS IN ITTT😭

[accirax]

Nene’s Role in Wonderlands x Showtime

The release of The Miniature Garden’s Coral seems to have confirmed some things I’ve recently speculated might transpire in future Wonderlands x Showtime events-- namely regarding Nene and how she may actually be the most important member of the troupe-- so, let’s talk about them! I’ll be using zui’s lyrics video for my translations, so hopefully they’re accurate.

With the past couple of WxS events in mind, it’s easy to see that this 3DMV is also about endings. While the MV begins in a sunny blue afternoon light...

...the characters and set eventually bask in a beautiful sunset orange, signaling the end of the day. The lyrics even mention being “between the end of the blue sky and the beginning of the night sky,” further emphasizing that we’re in the middle of the story. When the sky is blue, the troupe expresses uncertainty: Rui mentions that he feels lost, and Tsukasa, scared. But eventually, Nene admits that, in this beginning period, she was “spoiled by the sound of the waves,” AKA that the commotion surrounding WxS’s formation led to a troupe that became a source of comfort for all of them.

Once the sun sets, there are a lot of “even ifs.” Nene sings about how she’ll continue to sing this song, even if things are starting to look unsteady and she’s not sure if she should proceed. However, by the end of the song, she resolves to "still sing this song” while keeping up a smile.

I think that the fact that Nene says she will sing this song is incredibly important, because, as established, this song is about endings. Meanwhile, back in Mr. Showtime, Tsukasa firmly didn’t want WxS to end, and was holding out until closing time. Rui’s What Sort of Ending Are You Wishing For? and Emu’s Starry Sky Orchestra seemingly both acknowledge an ending as well, but it’s not at all easy. Rui seems to fall into a resigned depression at the thought, keeping a whimsical facade up when the very thought of separating kills him inside. The thought haunts him, MV riddled with hourglasses that he can’t get out of his head. Emu can only tolerate taking the first step towards a breakup with tooth-rottingly sugarcoated promises of eternal togetherness and literally holding hands as they go (I love her btw this is not Emu slander). She never even says the word “end,” only “tomorrow.”

Rui, Emu, and Tsukasa are basically Denialx3. Rui tries to deny his emotions regarding disbanding, Emu tries to deny that the ending is coming at all, and Tsukasa tries to deny that there’s nothing he can do to keep them from inevitably drifting apart. And that’s where Nene comes in again.

Rui’s dream is to perform technically complex shows that will resonate with an audience. He can do that from Phoenix Wonderland. Emu’s dream is to keep the Wonder Stage up and operating forever. She has to do that from Phoenix Wonderland. Tsukasa’s dream is to become the number one world star and make everyone smile. While this would likely take him away from the park, in another story, I could see it being possible that, in the end, Tsukasa decides that making the people in his local community happy is more important than trying to change the entire world. Thus, he could also follow his dream from Phoenix Wonderland, even if it’s not ideal.

But then there’s Nene. Her dream is, and always has been, to perform in Broadway musicals. Broadway is a live performance in New York City. There is no possible way for Nene to get what she wants while staying in Phoenix Wonderland. And that is possibly why Wonderlands x Showtime’s ending is the easiest for her to process.

Now, I’m not trying to say that Nene doesn’t love her friends. She adores them. Her three previous commissions have proven that. It’s the amount of love she has for them that will propel her to make what is actually the best choice for their dreams. Nene is the little mermaid, both when swimming freely the oceans with a beautiful, unstoppable song, and when enduring pain herself to stand with and for the ones she loves. Her friends, in this situation... are coral.

Remember that coral, “blurred” and uncertain in the water and “stained orange by the setting sun”? The miniature garden is Phoenix Wonderland; the coral is Emu, Rui, and Tsukasa; and that coral is stained orange by its desperation to keep rereading the final chapter instead of closing the book for now and putting it away to revisit in the future. Coral, while a beautiful living organism, is also completely static.

Static like stone statues which, at least by my interpretation, is what the rest of WxS turns into at the end of the 3DMV. The three of them (and Kaito) are paralyzed with the fear of the suffering an ending would bring. Only Nene is alive and human to be the one to show the group the benefits it can bring as well.

There are a lot of aspects of this song and Nene’s entire personality that lead me to believe that she will be the one to bring about change in WxS. First, she most often “has the braincell,” so to speak. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that she performs this song with Kaito, the most mature of the WxS vocaloids, either. During April Fool’s 2023, she was put into the Solid Heart class. One might think that troupe leader Tsukasa should be the Solid Heart, and that shy Nene should be the Cautious Heart, but they (accurately) sorted it the other way.

Nene is a very strong-willed person. In other stories, it might be seen as a negative that Nene is always the most hesitant one to get into shenanigans, or that she would even dare to be the one to suggest a WxS split in the first place. What an ungrateful wet blanket Nene is, willing to throw away her friends for the sake of her own selfish dream. But in this story, staying at Phoenix Wonderland isn’t really what will make Rui or Tsukasa happy, and even Emu may have to graduate to focusing on the entire company instead of just one stage someday.

Nene’s friends brought her out of the darkness and into the light of day, and she is so grateful for that. She knows how amazing they are, which is how she knows that they can make more friends and continue to do even more amazing things in the future if they can bear to leave their high school part-time jobs behind and enter the real world, just like her.

So, Nene’s role is to be Wonderlands x Showtime’s guiding light. She’ll tell Rui what sort of ending she’s wishing for, and then console him when he can’t repress his tears. She’ll be the one to hold Emu’s hand while they take that next step into tomorrow. Her three best friends helped her to grow from the loner who operated a robot from the theme park bushes, and she’ll help them step out of that theme park and be who they truly want to be.

There is one other thing I wanted to mention, though...

Tsukasa.

As I mentioned previously, while all three of Rui, Emu, and Tsukasa are in denial, Tsukasa is the most actively in opposition to an ending. He’s also the troupe leader, and the sole creator of the Wonderland Sekai. If someone is going to actively try to stop Nene from suggesting separation, it’s definitely going to at least start with him. But as Nene has already stated in The Miniature Garden’s Coral, despite any opposition that makes her question whether or not she should proceed, she already plans to continue singing her beliefs about a bittersweet yet timely goodbye.

And, their conflict is something that’s basically been foreshadowed from the beginning too, right? Nene has always roasted Tsukasa, giving a counterpoint to his blindingly bright worldview. In upcoming chapters, however, I believe that may start to transform from simple fun banter into a genuine conflict with clear sides drawn...

And THAT’S why ColoPale gave them Childish War.

Nenekasa nation get ready, ‘cause I don’t think this is the last Nene and Tsukasa fight we’re going to see.

[silusvesuius]

unleashing the same hellscape i did on my notes app here it's my nelvas thinking dump i wrote just for fun and to keep track of what i view them as up 2 this point. Might change my mind on it later on it has a lot of things written in brackets for no reason . it's like ~2500 words long which isn't much but i think i said everything i've had in my mind for now read it for fun if you like to have fun leik me :) And talvas :) And nelothxP

retyping what i said in the tags of those last text posts and rearranging those thoughts a bit: in my train of thought that's been going steady since early 2024 i'm almost certain that neloth might see talvas as the epitome of being morally Clean (before that changes because of neloth's influence over him) and generally pure as a person. pure not used in the Pervert way; neloth is just a veeery big fan of talvas having absolutely no backbone and being very docile when it comes to him. which is r expected traits 4 someone if they find themselves under neloth's thumb as an apprentice, but it being written that he isn't at all catty and defiant to his face is cute. all talvas manages to do is shit talk neloth to others and pray neloth doesn't find out he meant the things he said but also can’t help feeling bad about it, even though neloth doesn't and wouldn't care, if he found out. neloth is happy with being an obnoxious & disgusting person. truly.. him growing obsessed with talvas' docile and innocent nature doesn't necessarily have to add up to him wanting to Taint or Ruin him (and if it happens ((it does)) it's not done on purpose, neloth can't hold that much control and power of his actions in that specific department). he encounters difficulties when he realizes he actually wants that Elven Twink.. it's too far gone to fix anything after he's tampered with talvas' patience and stability, and even then he can't be honest with talvas about anything, because he still wants to hold a great deal of power over him (neloth essentials for survival).

Might be the type to just want talvas to magically(haha) think it's okay that his wizard master desires him and expect that energy right back without talvas actually acknowledging it because it'd make neloth feel insanely cringy and embarrassed.. humiliated.. EVEN. but that's just in a deep deep dark corner of his mind, he isn't stupid. when trying to gain 'access' to his apprentice ("*His* apprentice" is also kinda funny way of viewing his mind too. just cause talvas is working as an apprentice under him neloth probably already feels a concerning sense of ownership over him that makes him feel very good) he can't even make the signs of interest be apparent to talvas because he's insanely inept at being Soft and honest for obvious reasons. he can tell what possibly could make talvas warm up to him even after he treats him like shit for eons but there's no way he's bringing himself to do it (change is embarrassing, especially in their formal dynamic, and especially at his age). so it's a half-assed attempt (actually he's trying his hardest🙄) to try and make talvas be (at least) less afraid of him. not that talvas has any other place that we know of that he "Belongs" to, he just sticks with neloth regardless of anything. neloth watching him as he sleeps ensues . Guys what do i do to make my apprentice let me hit because all of the eye contact i do with him while gripping his arm or petting his knee isn't helping. 

if we were to go back to how that spark is ignited in neloth swamp of a heart, brain… idk, it has to be when he realizes talvas' capability of forgiveness and 'Sucking it up' instead of lashing out at neloth after .. anything, but perhaps physical abuse in particular. neloth a 100% has absolutely no problem putting his hands on anyone, especially someone he sees so often, such as talvas. not that talvas really annoys him (his clear and voiced obedience pleases neloth as anyone can tell), but he just doesn't see it as too much of a big deal. the physical mistreatment that happens once in a blue moon isn't intense enough to scare off talvas for sure anyways. neloth is a bitch so all he can so is smack him at the back of the head (talvas finds it very normal) and slap him if he's feeling festive (something talvas finds kinda extreme but not that it happens often. he sometimes feels like he deserves it, or that neloth is warranted to do as he pleases. he tosses around it being justified or pitying himself, though). May be possible that neloth would realize he Like Likes talvas once he slaps him, mayhaps, for the first time, but talvas' immediate reaction to being treated like that is just sadness mixed with feeling shame for tearing up/crying in front of someone he respects *bishoujo sparkles sfx*. talvas is a delicate soul so he can't hold warranted emotions like that for long, and even tho it's expected of him to be making eye contact w/ neloth in a setting like that, he wouldn't be able 2 bring himself to do it because looking at neloth would make him wanna burst out in tears like a weeeee baby. Booo hooo.. talvas is the 19th century (4th era) damsel that runs out of the ball in tears after no young cavalier invited her to dance. watch this bleed into the most awkward and silent week of neloth's entire life because talvas doesn't even really feel like speaking to him or looking at him, but neloth doesn't wanna brute force the usual respectful etiquette out of him cus he thinks that's just gonna make talvas hurl himself down on some rough rocks at the seashore. Good thing talvas is very spineless and forgiving (especially in relation to neloth… i mean.. who r YOU to not forgive him) so that might just last a day or two. the hurt always stays tho. neloth this is why talvas doesn't wanna smash you.. you might've made some conclusions about what elven twink you like but talvas is just even more scared of you now. was your Pervert awakening worth it. and even if we do backflips and jump thru the point where everything is too far gone for either of them to go back, dude is still too afraid to make out with his apprentice. Deserve. but why though because talvas wouldn't refuse. for what reason? we may never know

^^^ this makes me feel like i love seeing characters i reaaaalllly love (elenwen and talvas in this case) as enigmas in situations where they're confronted with something so ""Intimate"". elenwen's stance on this is final tho cause she's a grown ass woman and there's no way you could reshape her brain. ulfric left her mind plane in SHAMBLES. talvas has more right (in the literal sense) to be erratic or inconsistent with his actions. maybe he likes to be desired. Also i strongly believe that talvas has probably never been in love (for any reason rly but it's mostly him not having actual time for it + not seeing it as something that is important to him at that point in his life)… i want neloth to be his first experience with Love so that it ruin his view on it forever. can't get myself to say he'd be in love with neloth at any point though. From his standpoint it really should feel empowering and 'nice' that neloth wants him in many ways (ew).. cause that's a man with status.. power.. ability to do anything rly . talvas is in no condition to be playing mind games with him or anything tho so don't get that idea. he's not strong enough of a person to be Tricking anyone or to be Playing with anyone's feelings. neloth would be immune to that, too. neloth can just kinda tell talvas is too good and … UNTAINTED. talvas wants to see the best in everyone. too bad he genuinely detests you, neloth.. so: he doesn't actually love neloth but wouldn't be happy to see his tombstone either. SO (PART TWO): if you time it right he wouldn't be against getting Freakkkkyyyy with you okay?but no promises

even if @ some point talvas develops indistinct feelings towards neloth cause of neloth's own incessant weird-mild advances it wouldn't have to mean he just likes old men permanently now. actually it kinda does. i can sorta feel it rearranging his braincells and making him unable to normally interact with people in his age range. he probably already had a hard time talking to others in hopes of developing a friendship just cause he's timid but after neloth's nonstop abuse and Accidental romance mind games he morphs into a whole new type of guy. it's hard to notice at first but he'd probably just start to leech off of neloth's prissy and unbearable personality in a natural course of things + neloth is the only person he sees and talks to on the regular pretty much. < this can just be reworded as just the cycle of abuse and whatnot. if he notices an opening in the abilities and Smarts of another person, especially someone his age/younger, he will automatically see them as umm…stupid. and also insult your abilities to your face if he snaps. he strikes me as the type to be afraid to say what he really thinks (another consequence of being glued to neloth all the time when all talvas does is act like he totally respects anything he says) and gets scared if anything slips out his mouth but is proud in letting the "Truth" be known because he already figured out you're a lesser being than him. he's just cloning neloth's verbal abuse braincells though he would never put his hands on someone. his desire to be mean and see himself as superior stems from neloth always disparaging him obviously.. talvas 4 that reason is very self conscious of his abilities and doesn't rly think he's all that useful or talented. his self doubt then would play into how he doesn't know when to believe what others are saying to and about him.. i wanna imagine that talvas is very oblivious to neloth's weirdo status just cause he partly doesn't even want that thought to cross his mind. i bet everyone but him sees it and finds it gross😕 but nobody in the vicinity is strong enough to tell neloth that he should be ashamed LMFAO. if you would try and even hint to talvas that it's happening he'd never take you seriously and just get mad. he's protective of neloth's image more than neloth himself is; not that people knowing neloth has abnormal sodomistic inclinations toward his apprentice would make his public image worse than it already is (everyone already thinks he's weird so it's not shocking at all) but talvas still wouldn't wanna hear it cause he thinks it's just false. maybe he's just ashamed that he's being brought into the whole thing. also because he doesn't wanna face the reality EJI23JRIO32KJ Well talvas when neloth makes an actual move on you don't say that we didn't warn you.. we're all waiting till neloth's status as an obvious apprentice-pervert becomes obvious to you

even if he's willingly ignorant of the fact he still thinks of the 'accusations' a lot when he feels like it. and unknowingly begins feeling even more uncomfortable in neloth's presence. heart starts beating faster and everything. neloth could come up to him meters away and talvas would still cover his mouth in realization and be like "i knew it… the DB told me but i didn't wanna believe it …..😦 so you really do like young men … and you're in love with me ..😨" *Neloth wakes up from this fever dream drenched in sweat* < neloth doesn't want (obvi) talvas to react that way at any point because he himself would just get scared so they'd just be staring at each other wide eyed. but talvas jumping into his advances isn't what he wants either (that'll also scare him). neloth is still relying on talvas' politeness to let him do as he pleases. but it is impossible for talvas to let it slide without questioning anything regardless so🤷‍♀️ take your few Ls and move on. neloth just wants talvas to sit on his lap. wants to spoonfeed him soup. he's so romantic. he also wants to(sniper on rooftop blows my head to bits). neloth is actually a pretty touchy feely person when he's feeling Frisky (=deranged about talvas). I'm certain his favorite part of talvas' body is his legs. talvas has beautiful young man skipping leg day legs. so nothing special at all but neloth wants to touch them lol.. let your master wizard squeeze your calves and he might just be occupied enough like a kid playing with a fidget toy to not abuse you verbally for 3 seconds. as i said befoar neloth is unpleasant with his touch because he doesn't know how to be soft + doesn't even want it to necessarily feel very 'rewarding' as to not pamper talvas. petting talvas kinda turns into a nervous habit for himself and an instrument of some sort of Reassurance 4 talvas when he wants him to know he’s not mad, for example. non-vebal confirmation. talvas still finds it weird but thinks it’s a charm point too. neloth wouldn't even be against touching him familiarly in front of others but only in a "older male figure" ways ex. touching his knee or putting his hand at the back of his neck (talvas sees it as some sort of disciplinary tactic though). physical touch that matches neloth's age and is enough for it to be seen as not necessarily romantic / overtly weird. 

there'ssssss no saving talvas after such a powerful person gets his hands on him. any will to leave would leave HIM either out of fear or out of attachment and neloth wouldn't just let him go (Alive at least) since he knows the things he knows. if talvas were to escape i'm a Truther of him not feeling in place and wanting to go back cause it's the stability that he's used to. but tbh if he encounters neloth on accident anywhere he's gonna start running. I was drinking tea while writing this and started choking on it i just nearly died writing this are youhappy. anyways, nelvas is a never-ending abusive relationship that doesn’t even have High highs, all it has is low lows. neloth always mistreats talvas for any reason but is never genuinely kind from the heart or out of remorse. .. hmm……yeah. I forgot to type this back out from my posts tags > talvas might just start viewing neloth as fuck crazy and demented after he Finally notices at least one molecular sign of gay attention from him . like ‘Oh wow Master Neloth obviously doesn’t get any female attention or anything cus he’s a sick fuck why does he have to search for it from me Can varona take the hit for me 🥺 *sees her dead body being dragged by the DB* hmm i guess not well i’ll figure something out i guess’ (he doesn’t) also the dialogue talvas has with varona after he steals neloth’s book trying to conjure some bs up will always be so cute to me he’s so defensive and afraid of neloth finding out. Him trying to decipher neloth’s handwriting is cute TOO ik their 19th century love letters to each other would go crazy and make sense to anyone but each other but i’m not gonna talk about 19th century girl talvas x neloth rn it’s too much . what ever. i think i’m done thank you i should just go back to drawing them as grecian pottery red figures or smthj Fun stats for you 4 getting to the end: times the word ‘abuse’ is used: 6

[creatorping]

quick and easy mental stability: sketch your comfort characters

[causalityparadoxes]

The thing about Ricky is that if he had unlearned all of white supremacy through reading a few books? That he easily got access to under a white supremacist system? That would be twee and stupid.

Like yeah, no shit the rich kid with a vague sense of 'doing the right thing', hasn't unlearned all of their bigotry by isolating themselves in their room and reading propaganda. Its almost like that applies to real life too.

Doesn't mean he could've never grown if given the chance and outside information. Or maybe even then, he would have never looked beyond his ingrained bigotry. We'll just never know.

[pawschamp]

VOL 8#2/CH35: “double team” appreciation

i’m a huge fan of the way nightow encapsulates a certain thematic or specified topic in each chapter, almost making each chapter its own arc with the way a character can change in just a few pages. as an example to appreciate this, i’m using chapter 35 aka “wolfwood doesn’t shoot” chapter aka one of my favorite chapters in the entire series.

warning, this is not a thought out essay, this is just the insane ramblings of a guy that likes trigun and wolfwood. there will be tangents, there will be derails, but overall, it’s a 4k insight into where my mind goes when i read these chapters. 

TW WARNING: wolfwood’s backstory pictured (child experimentation, child harm), blood, death

SPOILERS WARNING: mentions of vol 8 events

for consistency sake, i’ll be using overhaul’s translation. 

this chapter throws us into the familiar perspective of wolfwood. the readers have been in his shoes, we’re made to understand his thoughts since the very beginning of maximum, considering max started from his perspective. his ordeal and his internal struggle was made clear since the leonef arc, but this chapter serves as a checkpoint of where he is now, paralleling almost to chapter 11 where it had began with wolfwood’s dream + where his internal conflict were first laid bare to readers.

it’s also good to note that this chapter is in vol 6, the vol that takes place after the midvalley/hopper arc. this entire volume consists the internal dialogue of essential characters and where they stand with vash; the first chapter being meryl, then wolfwood, legato, knives, milly (a bit of vash), and then an open ended one, but it leads into vash’s flashback -- obviously, each chapter progresses the story itself too, but the main focus tends to be the thoughts of these characters. i really appreciate nightow writing an immensely thoughts driven and relatively quiet (in terms of action) volume after the heavily action packed previous volume. he does this well in the chapters themselves, knowing when to lead the reader into quiet so we can all feel the scene much more intimately. these chapters become more emotional because we’re settled with each character individually, we lean into their fears, their worry and concerns. the fact we get so little of vash and his thoughts in these chapters aside from the flashback makes him feel distant and lonelier (which, considering his immense guilt of remembering july, it feels purposeful.) 

vol 10 will always be my favorite vol but vol 6 is certainly up there... i think it was masterfully put together and nightow’s character writing is one of my favorite parts of trigun. the introspection is such a core part of trigun itself alongside the action and i just appreciate the overall pacing of it and how it eventually leads into vol 7 where we return to vash, to the conflict between the brothers, and then into the harrowing 7 months of destruction on no man’s land where the kind of peacefulness that settled in vol 6 no longer exists for a long time in the future chapters. 

anyway, to the chapter now

from the dream alone, we can tell there’s a progression of wolfwood’s risk taking heart beginning to open. from all the time he’s spent with vash and what he’s witness after the leonef arc, he’s starting to change internally, he’s no longer the same as he was at the beginning of trigun. the dream provides a what-if situation, where wolfwood kills off the eye of michael (vague individual, but probably chapel again?), freeing the children.

side note, but it’s particularly sad to me he says “i can never come back, but at least y’all will be safe now.” in an universe where a happy ending could be provided for the orphanage, there still wouldn’t be a happy ending for wolfwood. he can free the orphanage but even the destruction of the eye of michael wouldn’t free him from the man he’s grown into and it’s telling of just how little he believes he deserves to go/have a home. 

but the dream then panels to knives and his fear of someone/something other than himself is shown. as i mentioned earlier about how this parallels to chapter 11, in that dream, it showed how wolfwood can’t return to the kids because of the blood that stains his hands, a dream he gets after having killed rai-dei and confronted by vash about his role. 

he still feels this way considering his mentioned thought of “can’t return” anymore, but the dream shifts focus to knives because the threat of him looms closer now more than before after having witness vash transform in the previous arc -- and it’s clear him being a first hand witness has influenced his fears considering knives is using his ability within the dream. 

overall, wolfwood has sooo much on his mind at this point; he saw vash transform, he came face to face with the rest of the gung-hos, met the strongest gung-ho, seen the price of betrayal with his own eyes (though b/c it was carried out by legato, it doesn’t necessarily hold the same weight)... he’s also done his fair share of trying to get others away from danger, notably when he speaks to meryl in the previous chapter, and tries to ward her away now that she’s seen first hand of vash’s strength, seen below from the chapter right before this. he’s relatively passive in his interactions with meryl so it’s insane how his behavior in ch 35 contrasts with this. 

kind of a side note but i’ve always enjoyed this interaction between wolfwood and meryl. this is the first time they actually got to converse and he’s actively reading her and giving her advice; it’s advice he’d give to any average citizen, he’s always been an advocate for regular folks to turn their back so long it can keep them safe, but his advice here definitely felt a little personal considering how he’s gotten to known milly and he Knows for certain that this just isn’t the environment for her. the way he says “This isn’t the place for that cute partner of yers” as a reason to push Meryl to turn away always gets to me, because while there may be an implication for meryl to hightail out of there to protect herself, the discussion ends at wolfwood telling meryl to back out for milly. being with milly in the previous arc, he knows the lengths and sort of reckless, self sacrificial nature that milly has; she who refused to back out constantly, even after having expressed she was terrified, she still stayed, so wolfwood knows that if meryl leaves, then milly would too. he prods meryl, reminds her there’s another life aside from her own she’d be risking if she stayed. 

after he wakes up and leaves the bar, he runs into zazie who just drops off a message from knives, as though to taunt him any further lmfao... it’s relevant that zazie shows up here considering wolfwood’s recent meeting with the rest of the gung-hos. zazie in particular is a complacent neutral party amidst the conflict, willing to see things through for knives / legato as long as the worms can be left alone.

one of the funniest lines ever to be delivered to wolfwood, “You’re a scary one. Almost like Bluesummers.” i laugh every time i see it. 

but anyway, as stated by wolfwood, he recognizes that the point in conflict has reached far enough that what he does doesn’t necessarily matter anymore. sure, he’ll still keep to his job, but vash is going to end up at knives doorstep no matter what, especially with his recent recollection of july. wolfwood recognizes the minor part he plays, he recognizes how small he is amidst the overarching battle between the twins. i think this realization influences his dream too, being that he had rebelled and felt hope that the orphanage would be left alone, but still, the orphanage can’t avoid the fate that would fall on humanity as a whole. regardless, they would be caught up in what knives does.

then we get to this insane flashback, this Gorgeously illustrated first meeting between wolfwood and knives that haunts me every day of my life. i just want to appreciate this page for a minute, art wise... the tubes forming the composition throughout the panels, trapping wolfwood, encaging him despite him being the one standing over knives. i like how that’s emphasized with the overlap on the top panels and the gun he holds is so small in the bottom right panel. in the bottom left panel, it’s a perspective shot from wolfwood’s eyes, the gun trained onto knives chest (i think compositionally, it just looks cooler which is potentially why it isn’t aimed at knives’ head, but i can also think wolfwood might’ve lost the resolved to kill knives already from fear alone and thus, his gun was lowered.) 

also i feel like not only did knives’ presence halt wolfwood but the medical equipment strung to knives might’ve triggered a terrible memory for wolfwood too, considering his experimentation. 

above is from ch. 50. 

but the focus of this flashback is in knives’ otherworldliness and how despite wolfwood managing to get so far to be face to face with knives, he could not pull the trigger from fear alone. and wolfwood has this humane reaction every time he comes close to death which is a resurgence of a will to live; he feels it in this moment with knives, he feels death closing in on him despite him being the one with the trigger at his finger and knives against the ground. 

above from chapter 6.

from the knives flashback, we can see the lack of choice that wolfwood had at that moment. the lack of choice in the mission given to him, the lack of choice in being able to shoot at all. it solidified him into the position where he is today and quelled the rebellion he dreamt of. 

from his nightmares to the meeting with zazie to this flashback, remembering knives and his presence and comparing that fear to vash, him remembering the last time he felt that fear from vash at all... although he’s always known vash to be an “other” from humans, when faced with the actuality of it, he starts to think more on their differences and kind of distant himself mentally from vash? by calling him a monster and “the one who can save humankind”, honing in on his inhumane side. he knows vash, but wolfwood is thinking from the memories of knives, he’s thinking from his feelings of fear in that moment with vash, and he probably feels so small, not capable of anything beyond doing his job. as a reminder, this is what he thinks during that scene, similar feelings to how he felt with knives imo although vash’s anger is transformed into outer and inner, almost like he’s trying to kill that anger he holds to upkeep his resolve to not kill.

and in the moment of deep pondering, with brilliant timing, vash calls out to him.

no matter how many times i see this page, i explode with so much emotion. to stay on topic, this panel of vash sitting leisurely on top of a rooftop has a lot of elements to it. the moon he blew a hole into shown right behind him, an ever present reminder of his destructive powers which wolfwood, no doubt, is remembering it distinctively in this moment. but i loooove love how this page contrasts the one with knives. this scene following is just parallels to wolfwood's memory of knives and while in his confrontation of knives, wolfwood was trapped in both a physical and internal sense. the positions being different too, where wolfwood hovered over knives but still remained below in a hierarchical sense while now, vash is above him physically and wolfwood looks up towards him. considering wolfwood's thoughts so far, the positioning is reflective of that. but considering their space, the openness, outside, the expansive sky behind vash alongside the moon, there's so much freedom in where they're both standing. wolfwood is constrained beneath the thoughts he has, his worries, but he has freedom to move around vash and yet wolfwood chooses to go up to meet him.

now i can derail and go a little insane over their expressions here, IDK. im VERY vw-pilled, so excuse me, but VASH'S LOOK TO WOLFWOOD?? "You're a bit of a night owl, huh?" it’s just a plain observation really, the casual nature in how he converses with wolfwood, something he’d recognize over the course of their journey... this also isn’t the ONLY time they’ve met under the moon, they did so in multiple bullets too. gay ass moon couple... whatever... i’ve also seen people note that vash is fake smiling here and perhaps. some days, i can believe that because he is just so goddamn sad during this time, but i also like to think it’s genuine. maybe prior to seeing wolfwood, he was neutrally observing the on going events in the town, but the moment he saw wolfwood strolling about in deep thought, he’s just like “oh, wolfwood! :]” Just being a little happy to not be alone for the night. 

it’s a small detail, but i like how nightow incorporates these side missions into the chapter’s arc and the overall theme in little ways. because it’s been these yin-yang brothers that’s been making trouble since the last chapter and in this moment, vash watching these two brothers bringing down mayhem on a peaceful town.

alongside this page, we see wolfwood’s steady approach, vash’s back turned to him as they chitchat before wolfwood quietly

positioned the same way as before, the gun held to a twin that’s positioned lower and wolfwood looks down. 

aside from how beautiful he is, i like how wolfwood holds a resolute gaze. he probably feels he has the upper hand, Knows it in some way because vash is seemingly defenseless. if he wanted to, he can shoot. 

meanwhile, vash just Looks tired. not necessarily sorrowful, to me, he just looks exhausted. from the many clues later in this chapter, i think the reader can clue in that vash definitely knew wolfwood pointed a gun at him. whether it’s sorrow, a sense of betrayal, or nonchalance is unclear. i think vash might’ve knew wolfwood wouldn’t pull the trigger and if he had, i think vash would’ve felt resigned to it. vash understands the reason why wolfwood kills; in all his instances of killing, it’s been for the sole purpose to protect. when he killed rai-dei, it was to protect vash. when he killed gray, he was doing his part in protecting vash’s home which vash had entrusted to him. there’s tons of thoughts that goes through wolfwood’s head when he does kill and what it means to him personally, but to vash, wolfwood has never killed for a selfish reason so when wolfwood points a gun at him, if he has intentions to kill, there would be a reason that vash understands considering his own beliefs on protecting humanity. i think at the end of it though, he knew wolfwood wouldn’t shoot him.

and wolfwood doesn’t pull the trigger. his hand doesn’t shake, there are no sweat marks on his face, he’s not afraid at all. with a soundless mind, he decides not to shoot. it’s important that we get wolfwood’s thoughts because it’s not as if he has any particular doubts in his own abilities. to wolfwood, if he put a bullet through vash’s head, he may die, he may be immobilized to be easier to kill, etc etc but ultimately, he chooses not to. just prior to meeting vash, he was already riddled with the memory of his rebellions amounting to nothing, so if he had “killed” vash (just like how he had “killed” chapel before), he’d still have to face knives and he’s already experienced once what going against knives was like. he can’t do it, wolfwood wouldn’t be able to kill knives and there would be nothing to ultimately gain from killing vash. 

naturally, i think we can also conclude the “reasonable” reasons aren’t the only things keeping him from shooting vash. it’ll be mentioned later, but what wolfwood thinks vs what he does can be fundamentally different because sometimes, wolfwood Just isn’t fully aware of how he acts, doesn’t know it. i think that’s part of the reason we don’t get his thoughts here when he lowers his gun, because he doesn’t know, he doesn’t understand why he can’t shoot vash either. if i had to reason it, it would be what i said before and that’s how i view how wolfwood might reason it, but that isn’t all of it. <-- this thought will be continued later.

i always found it funny how vash looks back because i’m sure he sensed something was weird about how quiet wolfwood was and how nothing was happened, so he just looks at him like “???”

wolfwood hits him with the reminder again of what to keep his focus on, as he usually does, and it’s ironic of him to say “It’ll be pointless if ya get yerself killed before ya meet him.”, having pointed a gun at him literally 2 seconds ago. 

anyway, as the story progresses, the yin-yang brothers has started to blow shit up and vash, ever so involved, runs after to stop them. wolfwood, diligent, runs after vash. 

i don’t have a lot to note but i like how vash is called a pretty boy. he is the prettiest boy. the page after this, they basically try to run him over, but vash sidesteps just in time to avoid that and turns towards the car to shoot at them. turns out though, the brother hopped off the car and appeared behind to hurl these sharp thingies at vash’s vulnerable back. please read the next 3 beautiful pages carefully

this sequence is just So well done. it’s very simple to bring back the hard ass table that wolfwood had woken up on and smacked his hand hard against at the start of this chapter, a purposefully strong table made to withstand drunkards... but it was pulled into the fight, to cover that split second to defend vash before wolfwood himself makes it to him. it’s important to note that vash doesn’t even look at wolfwood here. he’s not the least surprised, he’s still keeping his eyes directly on the tank. he does briefly look at the enemy behind him on the previous page for one panel, but i think that glance may have been targeted at the table wolfwood threw. i say this because vash moves fast and if he had wanted to target the yinyang brother behind him, he would’ve shot him already. 

the both of them focus on the targets they’re aiming at. vash with his gun can’t break the armor of the tank and wolfwood’s punisher isn’t made for a single target unless he wanted to pulverized the dude with bullets and his aim won’t be precise with the punisher either. they’re mainly talking to themselves on this page, but the fact they don’t even say anything to each other, only giving a single glance before...

changing positions immediately -- understanding where the other had lacked in, understanding what they themselves would be capable of doing and what the other could not... like.... wolfwood quickly changing the punisher’s form to activate the torpedo to take care of the armored up tank and vash quickly getting aim on the yinyang brother the moment he turns around. in just fighting together, it communicated everything we needed to know about their teamwork. and taking into consideration how they’ve been fighting alone for their entire lives only to flawlessly come together as a team despite that... they’ve developed a trust on each other, a trust i think vash is relatively aware of at this point, but wolfwood hadn’t realized it.

i’m saying that because of his expression here lmfao 

i think wolfwood can be pretty slow on realizing things for himself. i think for vash, he’s already built a recognition that wolfwood was going to be following him, that wolfwood would be there to protect his back, and i think that feeling stems from personal trust, considering how often wolfwood has done that for him already and i think a bit of that is also vash being aware that wolfwood has a job he’s upkeeping to protect/keep an eye on vash, so he’d expect wolfwood to upkeep that too.

on wolfwood’s end, he turns back to vash immediately, realizing that he had left his own back unattended. wolfwood knows vash, he understands the kind of person he is, but he was still anxious because of all the thoughts he held up throughout this chapter. i don’t think wolfwood’s trust in vash was purposeful prior this chapter and really, there wasn’t any particular scene that showed him trusting vash outright because wolfwood has always moved pretty independently throughout the arcs. it tended to be vash putting his faith in wolfwood instead while wolfwood himself was still trying to figure out where he stood with vash. but through battle, through the nonverbal communication and through instincts, i think that provides a lot of context of how his trust is ingrained instinctually and how despite what he states, what he thinks for himself, he internally already knows otherwise that he would never be able to harm vash, that he has already deeply sided with him.

when the fight is over, vash immediately disarms himself, thanks wolfwood, and his back is once again bare, turned towards wolfwood, vulnerable and full of trust. it’s intentional in how vash shows his trust towards wolfwood and wolfwood, processing, realizing that in full... how despite all of his worries, his fears, pondering about how this monster was going to save humanity, he’s ultimately just looking back at someone who’s grown so close to him. and i think this page is wolfwood coming to realize what his relationship with vash has become. overall, this chapter just feels like the moment when wolfwood has come to be honest and frank with himself on where his allegiance lies. in the previous arc, midvalley came at him constantly about who he was betraying and i think wolfwood was like “what the fuck is he talking about” for a good portion of it up until this chapter. 

a lot of what wolfwood had to tackle that previous arc was where he stood in the crossfire. being a gung-ho after having killed “chapel” and stolen his spot which in turn led him to working under knives directly which led him to become vash’s guide, merely a job to be his guide until it no longer was just a job. he has a lot in common with midvalley, both being assassins, both having a heart that lied elsewhere and not in line with knives or legato. they both acted out, betrayed before, and midvalley himself mentioned how the twins were beyond them, higher beings while they were mere insects, or something along those lines... which wolfwood basically echoes similar sentiments here. when midvalley died, he most likely saw a reflection of himself. when he comes before midvalley’s grave, he thinks on that, the “can’t make a stand, even with those fangs of yours”, thinking of betrayal that comes about in his dreams. he knows for certainty that he wants to protect the orphanage; beyond that, i don’t think wolfwood believed he sided with anyone at the beginning of chapter 35. it’s a realization he makes steadily throughout the course of it and only when he’s back to back with vash does he realize he’s already sided with him whether he wanted to or not.

the chapters in vol 6, from all these different perspectives, they all end up concluding something new about vash, something they realize from what they’ve observed of vash in the previous arc and in person. meryl recognizes that vash’s fears and shame won’t stop him from shooting his gun. legato recognizing the significance of if vash could collect all the coins that becomes prevalent in chapter 80s. knives realizing that vash is already in the process of dying due to the black hair. milly seeing vash’s muddled up expression, the smiling facade he holds automatically when he doesn’t know what to do and gets a glimpse into the loneliness he feels.

the significance of wolfwood coming to terms with his feelings of vash makes his actions in vol 8 all the more meaningful and comprehendible. granted, i think throughout the previous chapters, we can all sense this sort of change in wolfwood and how much he cares about vash and all that... but i think the trust that wolfwood solidifies in vash goes beyond personal sentiments. after all, i think wolfwood having saved vash in vol 8 is because he trusted vash would be capable of saving humanity and that trust was enough for him to risk his own life... despite being afraid of dying, despite not being Ready to die, despite his own personal doubts and uncertainties and the echo of rebellions falling into ruins, he still went forth to save vash for the sake of humanity and he trusts that vash, despite his lonesome for those 7 months, would be resolute enough to stop knives. --> i’m saying “for the sake of humanity” because that’s just relevant with his thoughts in this chapter. him freeing vash has multitudes of layers that’s both personal and selfless to the fault, but that’s for another post.

and the final light hearted page in this chapter, where they chit chat a bit casually. i feel like every time we see wolfwood in his off time, he’s always eating something/discussing eating, which is kind of cute. he’s on top of his meals!! and of course, one of the best panels for millymeryl, the utter destruction and devastation in that house and meryl looking like she definitely Did not sleep from the chaos (and probably due to her own nightmares too) while milly is refreshed... they’re the cutest ever. 

anyway, that was the last page so that means this chapter is finished! the way this chapter went full circle in regards to wolfwood’s thoughts, how all of his worries eventually led to a resolution to his feelings about vash... i think wolfwood’s point of view is always a gift to explore because his thoughts sometimes conflict to the resolution he comes to, especially when it comes to vash. wolfwood never had a presence like vash in his life, never known someone so different but still so similar to him. it’s all very new, so i think wolfwood’s circling thoughts, confusion, and the eventual choices he make when it comes to vash is a precious insight that i’m Very grateful towards nightow for.

i don’t know how to conclude this, but that’s all i have to observe! i hope it’s understandable what i mean when i say this chapter feels like an arc of itself and yet, it’s still so perfectly entwine with the rest of the plot. wolfwood’s thoughts here are not foreign, his development doesn’t come from nothing; it’s all a steady progression and i think it’s valuable for all the decisions he ultimately makes in the future chapters.

[deoidesign]

.

[irradiatedpiratebooty]

Pleeeease do tell me more about Francis. Why did he leave the Children? Why did he join them in the first place? What did he do down in that bunker for three years, and what was getting out like? How did he meet the companions he hangs around with?

so, i'm gonna go in order of the timeline of events in his life. and please forgive some mistakes in the writing, i unfortunately didn't luck out with my abilities, and don't usually write anything more than footnotes. though i'm hoping the more I write out posts like this, the better i'll get :)

I also made goofy doodles to accompany the writing to compensate, and to better visualize what i'm trying to convey.

growing up, he mostly drifted from place to place with his family, which mostly consisted of him, his aunt, uncle, and two other cousins of his. his aunt adopted him at a very, very young age.

they mostly kept to DC, but eventually wanted to travel more east.

eventually though, due to family drama and disagreements, his family disbanded and he just traveled with his aunt. His aunt was VERY close with the rest of his family, so their departure took a toll on her.

she was pretty desperate to fill the void that was left, so when the children of atom offered relief from the feeling of abandonment, it didn't take much convincing.

the only catch was they had to leave DC and join the expedition to the commonwealth.

so, how did Francis join the children of atom?

Francis was about 18 at the time, and was used to just- going wherever his aunt went. so he didn't really question it and tagged along. He listened to the preachings and started to buy into the ideology himself. his aunt began to firmly believe too, so that helped condition Francis.

why did he eventually leave?

he left at the age of 20, knowing damn well what the cult does to dissenters. he was aiming to make it all the way back to DC and rejoin his family, but without the travel supplies that isn't realistically possible.

plus he's never been to Boston before, so he had no idea what direction to go in.

what did he do for 3 years?

he managed to wander his way to sanctuary, where he met Nate. (who i decided to make into an old ghoul, who protected vault 111 from the outside. he believed in the rumor that the vault was a cryo-facility, and that comforted him.)

Francis was half-dead when he wandered onto Nate's front yard, but Nate is nice and saw Francis as the exact opposite of a threat. think a newborn puppy on freshly polished tile.

he offered Francis his own bomb-shelter to stay in, taught him how to cook (which ended up being a new hobby for Francis.)

Nate is like a dad to him, so it worked out nicely.

Francis has high perception, and he's not stupid. (he just has TERRIBLE charisma)

so, with his S.P.E.C.I.A.L. attributes in mind, He began to question the fact Nate had never opened the vault, and tried to convince Nate to finally check in on his family. Nate refused at first, but after sleeping on the idea, he agreed. only to be met with the realization that his spouse was mysteriously murdered, son kidnapped, and only a recording of the crime. (thanks alternate start mod)

baffled by the fact that nobody ever opened the vault doors since the bombs fell, and now troubled with grief, Nate struggled to even face it all. Francis, wanting to repay Nate for giving him a place to live comfortably and safe from the cult who may use him to set an example for others who are thinking of turning their back on atom- promised that he'll seek out Nora's murderer, and most importantly, find their infant son.

where the rest of the game's plot plays out.

one thing to note though is his face markings. like the third eye of atom and the other rings around his face. usually its just makeup in game, but francis, at the time, wanted to prove his devotion in the most... non-lethal way he could think of. and so he got it basically tattooed. talk about regretful tattoos. with all that backstory being said, Francis is pretty happy most of the time!

sure, he's been through a lot, but he tries to see the positives in things. his main goal in life, during the acts in the main story, is to just finally have a place he can call home. maybe one with a comfy couch and a nice garden.

[sesamenom]

Finarfin in the War of Wrath

inspired by @actual-bill-potts' amazing writing